#personal experiences*

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Autistic Social Trauma

Autistic Qualia

[pally-plate]

Actually, I AM trapped in the wrong body.

I AM a boy trapped in a girl’s body.

I WAS born in the wrong body.

I DO hate my body.

I DO want to change it FOR ME and NO ONE ELSE.

I AM distressed because my body ISN’T right.

And I’m definitely not the only one.

It’s ok if you, as an individual trans person, hate the “born in the wring body,” thing. But stop trying to convince people that every trans person hates that way of describing our experiences.

You are 100% allowed to use whatever descriptions you want for your experiences, but so are we. We who WERE born in the wrong body and feel most comfortable describing it that way.

This is in no way a call-out post, or trying to offend anyone. It’s simply a request to stop acting like trans people are a monolith who ALL prefer the SAME EXACT terms.

[thebibliosphere]

If you feel like talking about it — what’s the *aftermath* of anaphylaxis like? I know that an epipen is just step one, and further treatment and observation follows at a hospital, but I’m curious about what the subjective experience is like in the longer term; whether one can bounce back fairly well or whether there’s lingering unpleasantness.

So with the caveat that everyone experiences things differently (and putting this under a cut because I don't want to trigger anyone):

After epi is administered, you're usually put on a cocktail of drugs ranging from several different IV antihistamines (typically a mix of h1 and h2 histamine blockers and a giant whack of benadryl), anti-nausea meds, a beta-agonist to assist with breathing, and a shit-whack of steroids.

Once you've been stable for a few hours and discharged, you'll be told to watch for symptoms for up to 72 hours, which is the period in which a biphasic reaction can happen. (For me, it's always within 20 minutes to 8 hours after rescue medication is administered if I'm going to slip back into an allergic response, but everyone is different.)

Depending on your symptoms, you'll sometimes be told to take an antihistamine for up to 72 hours (if you're not already taking one daily), but the one thing they always send you home with is a steroid like prednisone. I usually need a 5-7 day dose because I need to taper off it or my adrenals crash, but some people get a 3-day dose and come off it with no problems.

Body-wise, it's a draining experience, and the medications often leave you both tired and wired. It's an odd sensation.

Mentally and emotionally, it takes me a lot longer to recover because I've just been smacked with a proverbial mallet of stress hormones and adrenaline, and that can often lead to depressive moods and even rage for some people. The prednisone also heightens emotions, so it's not unusual to be having some of the wildest mood swings of your life while also processing the stress of what just happened.

It takes me a while to bounce back, typically about a week on full rest, but I know some people who claim to feel fine in a couple of days. Couldn't be me, haha. My body goes into hibernation mode for quite a while, and I'll be lying in bed exhausted and jittering like I've had ten espressos, but I don't know how much of that is general anaphylaxis or how much of that is specific to my mast cell disorder.

So, for me, it's a desperate need to sleep, jitteriness, depression, and rapid mood swings from the prednisone followed by a general feeling of blegh. It also takes me about 72 hours to be able to eat solid foods again because of the effect anaphylaxis has on the digestive tract (the esophagus is lined with histamine receptors; that's why some heartburn meds are actually antihistamines.), but I suspect that's my MCAS.

It's basically just a bit shit, lol.

[theinsomniacindian]

Indian Chaotic Academia

Wanting to wear jumpers and hoodies but changing your mind after looking at the daily temperature

Scoring 97% in English in your board exams but your spoken English makes you sound like you've never studied it in your life

Messy yet (somewhat) intelligible handwriting

A weak spot for old Bollywood songs regardless of your personal taste in music

Chipped nail polish and lots of bracelets

Wanting to study in a park or a cafe but you can't as they're too loud and busy

Adrak chaha is the solution to everything

Muting the class WhatsApp group so you can read angsty fanfiction at 3 a.m. without alerting your parents

Vada pav and samosa>>>>

Buying several highlighters but still end up using blunt pencils to mark important study material

At some point, a B is the best grade you'll ever find in your report card

Reading the Mahabharata at the back of the class in the same way you would read a modern novel ("Nooo, why did he have to die 😭")

Coming up with ideas for study charts but never actually making them

Getting a lot of holidays and vacations thanks to the amount of festivals celebrated throughout the year

"Sir that's my emotional support gel pen brand that I've been using since fifth grade"

The poem you have to learn in your regional language class is actually your favourite childhood song

Rickshaw rides are better than any other mode of transport, change my mind (you can't)

Getting the 'Slytherin house' that always comes last in every school event

Only buying books from the second-hand book stalls because they have all the good ones

[ewwap]

Irl ghost/entity NSFW experience???

Ok I've had some crazy experiences recently and idk where to talk about it so I'm just gonna ramble about it here

About a year ago I woke up with something/someone rubbing my back. It was really comforting. I was asleep and then woke up but didn't open my eyes, and it took me a while before getting the nerve to turn around and see nothing. It stopped after that and I was kinda sad it did.

That happened again once or twice in isolated events a few months apart until I noted my furniture moves slightly?? It's very slight, like my swivel chair turning slightly where I question if it's really moving.

Sometimes lights will flicker or dim for a second when I enter rooms, sometimes randomly when I'm in a room.

Then this morning, I woke up and was doing that thing where I was awake and still had my eyes closed--and for some reason, I had the feeling someone was in front of me? He talked to me (I don't remember what I said) and I reached forward, like kinda in front of my head, and there was a dick. Like, I felt a dick. I opened my eyes and there was nothing, but I felt it. And it didn't alarm me, the presence actually made me feel safe ngl. I don't know what came over me but I started stroking it, feeling it, and teasing him--sometimes I would open my eyes just to see I was jerking off the air. He was about to come when I stopped, and dude, I asked him to fuck me. Did I say it out loud? Maybe, I don't know.

And I felt it. I felt him enter me, I felt him moving in and out of me. It felt really good. I was just ass up feeling a phantom dick. I kept asking him to rub my clit, and sometimes I would feel, like, this ripple of please on my lil dick, and I felt like I was gonna come and then it would stop. This happened for a while until I fell asleep again, and I woke up very horny.

Idk why I'm adding this last part, but all of this started before I began to develop sort of a monster kink. And now that I have it this happens.

Tumblr, am I going insane? I hope not cause, to be honest, I welcome this. I probably am though, or more likely I was dreaming. But the thing is I don't feel things in my dreams, I felt this. If he's real I challenge him to appear while I'm fully awake but goddamn I think I'm going insane.

[borderlinereminders]

I post a lot about self-soothing and working on needing reassurance. And while it’s important to do, it doesn’t mean that’s how it always has to be.

I try self soothing first. Sometimes with my best friend, I know my feelings at her aren’t her fault. It’s something small that’s triggered insecurity even though I know it’s not rational. And I try to deal with the feelings myself first. But sometimes I can’t. And it’s okay.

In these cases, I usually go to her. I’ll tell her “I know it’s not rational and it’s not your fault. But I’m having feelings about x, y and z”. If possible, I’ll tell her what I’m looking for (like reassurance).

She’s always very happy to offer me that reassurance. She knows that I’ve come so far and worked hard and if she can reassure me, she’s often happy to in order to make it easier for me.

I’m going to share my most recent example under the read more for a real life example of how I applied this.

But my overall point is that it is absolutely okay to ask for reassurance and sometimes you need to. It’s just important to do it in a healthy way.

A few weeks ago, she was overwhelmed and busy. I offered to watch her dog for her while she was working. I didn’t get a response back because she was thinking about it.

And then I found out someone else was watching her dog.

I felt a lot of confusing emotions. I felt angry. I also felt insecure, like she didn’t trust me. I was frustrated at her and the person now watching her dog. I felt jealous.

I used skills to try and cope with these feelings. I didn’t lash out at her. I tried using logic to suggest alternatives to myself. Perhaps it wasn’t personal that she picked someone else. Maybe it was for logistical reasons. It was probably just easier for her.

I tried to sleep on it, but the feelings were growing. No matter what coping skills I used. Sometimes, the coping skills don’t work to self soothe or talk myself through it.

I was feeling annoyed for small things and I knew that it wasn’t her fault. She hadn’t done something wrong. But I decided to talk to her about it. I didn’t want the feelings growing and causing issues and they weren’t going to sort themselves out.

Here are copy and pastes from our actual conversation :

Me: My explanation for feeling hurt is that **** told me she was taking Storm and I felt hurt because I offered twice and you didn’t respond at all to it. It made me feel like I did something wrong to break your trust. I am really emotionally sensitive right now and I know I’m having an *extremely* heightened emotional reaction to it but I can’t seem to let go of the bad feelings. And I know it’s not your fault. But also it just feels bad and I feel like I need to tell you about these feelings because I can’t let them go on my own. I could really use some reassurance.

Her: That’s so valid.

If context helps you feel less BPD, I was actually trying to figure whether to leave Storm at home or bring her to you but I needed to know my new start time at work with the new schedule before I’d know if I could make the timing work to drop her off with you after the ferry.

Then *** was sad about the breakup with *** and I offered to lend her Storm as an emotional support animal. I know she really struggles with being alone when she is sad. And I decided I could do without my dog temporarily. I can see how it would’ve seemed like I preferred having **** watch Storm.

But your BPD is very valid, I probably would’ve felt the same way under the circumstances. I hope you have a great day and I hope you know I love you. Also that I think you’re great with dogs and would have 100% wanted you to watch Storm this week.

-

( The name of the person watching her dog are blacked out for privacy reasons.) While she didn’t need to share the context, she chose to do that so she could better offer reassurance. I also want to point out that she validated my feelings. My emotional reaction was heightened but she still validated me. She also then offered reassurance for my specific concern (that I wasn’t trusted). She was patient and understanding. I was valid to need reassurance but her reaction to it was super valid and why it felt so safe to seek reassurance from her.

[goldencitereia]

Had a sweet chilling out time with Apollo the other day as I was coming home from uni. Sat on a sunlit spot in the train and a guy wearing a yellow shirt started to play violin beautifully, it filled my heart with joy. I love to see and meet the gods everywhere I look 🩷

[phoenixleft1]

I just lost someone who I believed to be a friend, as a result of my proship stance, and it got me thinking. You see, after my initial bout of nausea at the argument which followed the reveal of my proship stance, I realised something.

I just don't care anymore. So, I am no longer friends with this individual as a result of my proship stance, yeah? So what? I explained that proshippers are simply against harassment and censorship, and that we do not support real criminals, and they refused to listen. There's no point continuing with this business, so I move on.

We weren't that close in the first place, and evidently they're not a friend worth keeping if they're not willing to learn what proshippers actually are, as defined by actual proshippers. I would rather be open + proud of who I am, having fewer friends, than exist in silence with the illusion of more friends.

As a disabled and queer person, I know what it's like being pressured to placate and change oneself for others. No longer will I hide myself to fit the ideals of others. My love for proshipping is no exception. Not anymore.

Personal rant aside, I hope you're all having a great day/night. If you're struggling with a similar situation, I encourage you to set yourself free. It is okay to be alone, to live for yourself. If you need someone to talk to, I am here. This is a proship safe space and I will support you.

[winedarkgod]

idk who needs to hear this, but it's okay to be angry with christianity

the Gods won't hate you for having trauma

not everyone has the privilege of living around progressive/open-minded christians

the Gods understand <3

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Autistic Callum

I forget things like this often. I feel guilty for it because I think it makes me look cold or uncaring.

[alma-n]

Stop whitewashing Holly Short

I feel like I have to have this talk somewhere outside my head.

I, a 14 year old teenager of color, have always loved Holly Short.

She was described as powerful, with features like a hooked nose, and a dark skin, that made her beautiful. Things that I have always been insecure about, teased for, insulted for, were what made her beautiful.

The powerful woman, who fought sexism and always did the right thing, IMMEDIATELY became my comfort character.

I started to feel better about myself. Draw portraits with my favourite features in my self exaggerated in them. I loved my own features, because she had them.

And then, after reading the whole series and loving it, came the thirst for content. Content in wich, Holly Short, was always whitwashed.

So many fanart, official comics, covers, the goddamn movie! In all of them, Holly wasn't how i imagined her to be. The fact punches me every time. Her skin, her features, are FLAWS that people just prefer to erase from her character.

I still remember how sad i got when i first was raving to a friend about Holly and she said 2 my face how she thought she would be prettier if she were white.

Whitewashing Holly is basically saying the same thing.

Many may go, "whatever, who gives a shit about her color".

But things like this are what make teenagers, kids, like me back at the time, insecure and hating themselves because of simply simply being born the way they are born.

[poltergirlst]

was going to order something to eat at this anime conference that I’m at and the cute cashier started to tremble when I talked to him 🥰 it was adorable

[vetiverreverie]

I had a really bad episode last year and made these omori inspired art pieces based on the flashbacks I was having.

[shiorimakibawrites]

Even at the grocery store, I can't escape Matty.

[alastorgould]

Why I think it is wrong to sexualize Rocket: a rant/vent

I’ve been seeing tons of posts and comments that have made me super upset lately. So much so that I’ve had to block #roquill (most of the gross stuff is from that ship I hate roquill so fkn much omg ). And I’ve just felt like I need to talk about it even though nobody asked for my opinion.

Please note must of this can be defeated by ‘he’s just a fictional character’ but ill address that in a bit.

Rocket’s story is fundamentally about he trying to overcompensate and regain control of his life after years of trauma and abuse. There is no point in the comics or movies where he is recovered in any meaningful capacity. Of course you can be attracted to fictional characters but it’s upsetting when his most sexualized quality is that he’s ‘bratty’. His anger issues are a trauma response and he isn’t like that at all when he’s comfortable. His characterization is that of a broken man dragging his way through life and realizing it’s ok to find comfort in other people. Sure, he’s witty and clever and furries love him but the fact that I’ve seen comments on Rocket art like “he’s such a power bottom omg…” when it’s not even suggestive makes me want to throw up.

Now the weird part of this post

I see the characters I kin as not only real people, but as facets of myself. When I personally see Rocket sexualized, it feels like an attack on ME. Rocket is genuinely one of the things that kept me from ending it for so long. I developed severe maladaptive daydreaming to cope with being bullied for being queer in the Deep South. For many years i promised myself I’d survive to see gotg vol 3. I’ve found such deep comfort and solace in him that the way I think and process things often connects to him. His personality molded to me and has stuck. He is me. Of course not literally; I know full well he’s just a character; but his story and his motivations and how he is as a person reflects myself so deeply I find it hard to separate where he ends and I, myself, begin.

I’ve heard that the character you relate to the most is how you see yourself; and that is fully true here. Me and him are just trying to gain control of our lives and make it through without relapsing. Even though I’m not an alien lab experiment or badass bounty hunter; I feel for him. I often think of him as a little ghost in the back of my head, guiding me through my life and a trans and autistic person in a rough spot.

Of course, I can’t and won’t stop anyone from liking what they like. I just wanted to share my experiences with Rocket and how much he truly means to me :)

(yes I should probably get real therapy yes I pirated every single gotg comic yes I own the plushie from Disney world yes I have thousands of headcannons that I’d love to share if anyone wants to hear them)