#i dont think my own pain in this is disabling /but/ i think it could be useful to compile this list for anybody who is disabled by pains/ect

[uncanny-tranny]

Some tips I've found which actually help me, as somebody with periodic elbow, shoulder, and finger pain when crocheting:

Choosing smaller projects, or projects that recommend hooks that are 5.00mm, as larger hooks trigger pain

Wearing compression gloves when my hands get too cold to function (stylish! Mine have copper infused in them, but I don't think it's necessary at all)

Figuring out which material in yarn helps with pain and how tiring your craft is

Unfortunately, take breaks

Try being realistic about what you are willing to sacrifice and risk in terms of pain. There will be times where you cannot do something without risk, and being able to weigh out your willingness for risk can be crucial.

(From what I have heard) use pillows to prop up yourself if you're sitting for a project may help reduce some pain

Your enjoyment > anything else

Hand and wrist stretches that are accessible to you

If anybody has things that help them, share it! I limited it to my perspective as somebody who has aches and pains in the arm I crochet with, but this is not limited to either pain nor crochet. Accessibility in crafts is imperative, and we can all help in making resources for people to learn from <3

[sleep-safe]

shout-out to anyone with a preventable disability. shout-out to the frustration and the pain and the grief and the rage. if your disability was caused by ignorance or negligence or malice or chance i see you. if someone else had made a difference choice or if you could have made different choices i see you. i see your pain. you are no less entitled to feel that grief even if you could have done something. you shouldn’t be in pain even if you caused it. i forgive you, i see you. if someone else caused your disability i see you. you’re entitled to rage and grief and confusion. to everyone who sees people ignoring the same advice that could have prevented your own suffering, i see you. i see your sorrow, your indignation, your desperation. It’s frustrating when people don’t take your advice because they can’t see the looming outcome. Even when you’re right there.

[gwensy]

status of the now. i have not slept its 5am

[thedisablednaturalist]

Our dog was being playful and got overexcited and started trying to play fight me. But Im currently in a flare and hypersensitive to pain so he lunged at me and tried to bite my face (not actually bite, play bite) but he headbutted my nose and I started crying because the added pain was too much. This only encouraged him and he kept lunging at me and my dad had to pull him off. I ran to my room and cried and my brother came in to check on me. My mom came in and yelled at me for making a fuss and that he "didn't even bite me" and my brother blocked her from entering the room and told her to get out.

I do love animals but I also respect that they can be dangerous. Even domesticated animals like dogs.

[weebsinstash]

something that I think would be, truly one of the worst things about the yandere Batfamily really truly is their power to make any and every problem you've ever had completely go away in no time at all

it can be such an awful feeling to see that you struggled in vain with something that was nothing at all to someone else. You could have significant issues that have followed you all your life and have had traumatic impacting effects on you and these people could come in and sweep that all away. Student loans you've been paying off for years, if not a fraction of your lifespan, still burying you in debt? We are talking fucking decimal points on the scale of Bruce Wayne's wealth. That bad leg from an old work injury? Let's grab you one of the best doctors in Gotham, if not the entire world, fuck, we may even get you a doctor or medicine that isn't even human-made! Y'all want a magic leg? We know this chick who can speak backwards, you want a magically healed leg?

Crippling loneliness? Eternal sunshine and objectively best Robin Dick Grayson is here to brighten your entire world since he knows what it can feel like to be hurting and alone and he's literally like the heart and soul of the entire manor besides Alfred

Chronic pain, an undiagnosed disability, or maybe you're not confident in your fitness? Jason has extensive knowledge of injury recovery, physical therapy, and overall knowledge about human biology and musculature and how everything correlates

Family issues? Daddy issues? Let Resident Troubled Kid Expert Alfred Pennyworth be your new grandpa. He's dealt with more than one temperamental snappy individual, and he'll use his patience, experience, and wit to wear down all your stress and hostility. It's hard to keep being cruel to someone who's nothing but kind to you, and he has plenty of patience and delicious baked treats to hold out until you give in

Honestly just the fact most of them are so fucking young would get under my skin. You could be approaching your 30s and be sitting here at the Wayne family dinner table as their weird sister/mom/girlfriend/whatever and being all "I've just always had these struggles my entire life, I dont know what's wrong with me, I feel like I can't control how I act or feel and I hate it" and someone like Tim who depending on the source material and where you are on the timeline is a literal teenager with extensive knowledge of criminals and psychology is just over here, "oh, that? You have chronic childhood trauma, recurring resurfacing conflict related ptsd, severe abandonment issues, emotional regulation problems that are probably biological, and also you probably have autism, and there's nothing wrong with any of that :)" and then he turns to Bruce and starts talking about how his school is taking a trip abroad to Greece while you sit there processing that everyone around the table has extensively psychologically evaluated you and you probably have your own file on the Batcomputer (you do. It's excessive.)

It's just. The psychology of having all these problems you've struggled with be wiped away by someone else like it's nothing and how, that can result in making someone feel all the more worthless and helpless. Oh, Bruce was able to just make all your problems disappear? Clearly YOU weren't trying hard enough. Tim is able to suss out what's wrong with you? Well YOU'RE the dysfunctional idiot who was born wrong, and YOU were the one choosing the wrong doctors. You're watching all these young teenagers or young adults be vigilantes and travel the world and learn multiple languages and you're like. Normal guy Steve from the grocery store. You know? They take control of your life and make you feel like a side character in it, because everything you do is now attached to them, and all of them and all of their adventures are so... spectacular

And really, someone with a meaner heart, and maybe someone more blunt like, say, Damian, could perhaps come in and make some comment, "see? This is why you needed our assistance in caring for you" and what are you gonna do, NOT act like they basically fixed your entire life in less than a year's time, with the one objection of kidnapping and imprisonment? You're just over here, "um yeah, actually, I'm an adult and I can take care of myself, you don't need to TAKE CARE OF ME???" meanwhile Bruce and Alfred are exchanging knowing looks while you speak as if the old butler hadn't needed to help you call your doctor and other important urgent matters because being on the phone with strangers gave you such intense anxiety. Ok yes sure honey you are a lovely functional adult and your brain is big and beautiful and perfect 🥰 now shut up about going to live back home on your own, go play Xbox with your new brothers or go bake something with Grandpa while the world's greatest detective sits down in the Batcave using the Batcomputer to track down and "have a friendly chat" with that one childhood teacher that gave you that one really specific trauma-

[fatal-blow]

what are some ways hypermobility can effect your body that no-one really talks about?

it's interesting actually because i don't think hypermobility is inherently disabling. we've all heard about those freaks (affectionate) who are active and healthy, but just happen to be able to contort their bodies into unbelievable shapes. so much of hypermobility seems to be the way it interacts with other factors. I'll go over some stuff that i know is directly related to hypermobility though!

hypermobility has little to do with joints, and everything to do with everything else. see, muscles are connected to bone by tendons. hypermobility increases the stretch of the tendons. this is like making the ropes attaching your hammock to the trees really stretchy. so when the actual muscle flexes, it first must pull the tendons tight before it can start moving the bone that it's attached to. ergo, hypermobility makes the muscles work harder to achieve the same results as non-hypermobile bodies.

for a lot of people who have hypermobility and don't realize it, and now have chronic pain, this is often due to the overuse of muscles. you are not weak, you are not frail, you are just very, very tired. please look at my pinned post--learning how to treat trigger points has allowed me to treat my pain!! it's reversible!! you CAN get better!!

relatedly, this is why building muscle can help combat the negative effects of hypermobility. but you can't build your muscles until they've been treated for overuse. this is where i think a lot of physiotherapy falters.

seems to be related to estrogen! because estrogen is involved with collagen synthesis, and collagen is the thing in the tendons that makes things stretchier. I've yet to read more into this in detail, but considering hypermobility seems to affect those with higher levels of estrogen in the body, I'm not surprised.

similarly, pregnancy causes the tendons and ligaments to loosen, presumably due to the aforementioned effects of estrogen. whether or not things go back to normal after pregnancy, I don't know.

hypermobility can also affect the veins and nerves, making THEM stretchy as well. I'm more knowledgeable about the muscular impacts, but I've seen suggestions that varicose veins are more likely, causing the veins to stretch around blockages rather than. be blocked by them.

in a fit of irony, i, personally, think that hypermobility actually saves the body from the effects of stress--or more specifically, body wide muscular tension. because when your muscles get tight enough, they pull on the bones and start pinning nerves and crushing veins--literally crushing you to death. having a wibbly, squishy body could totally counter that. could even be why women tend to live longer than men! this bullet point is pure speculation on my part though, so take that with a grain a salt (or however much you want to trust my hypotheses gjfj)

the way hypermobility presents in people can make it difficult to diagnose. for instance, people who aren't super stretchy could be hypermobile, except their muscles have stiffened up so much that they seem like they have normal range of motion. my mother, queen of eds, is like this! that's why it's important to look across a broad range of diagnostic criteria, and consider your history and the current state of your body.

I DONT...actually think stretching makes hypermobility worse. but i do think stretches need to be targeting the right spots to be effective. unfortunately this requires knowing things both about the human body and your own body. it's a lot of work.

oh also hypermobility can make your body feel less stable and more unbalanced. and when you feel unbalanced you start clenching muscles so you don't fall over. and then those muscles get overused and tired, so you clench other muscles to keep THOSE muscles from failing. it's a nasty little feedback loop that can be difficult to break, and if allowed to continue, it can really fuck your shit up.

but i really do want to stress that so many of the problems related to hypermobility are not only treatable but reversible. muscle overuse is a HUGE problem with hypermobility, but after reading the book in my pinned post (and realizing that every pain pattern in there matched MY pain patterns) I've been able to work on recovery.

like i had symptoms of carpel tunnel, of tendonitis, bursitis, even some symptoms of diabetes and pancreatitis, (and more but if i keep listing them we'll be here all day) and the muscle treatment in that workbook has steadily reduced and eliminated those symptoms. my mother was practically bed bound by her disability and now she can go on short walks and feels better than she has in a very long time. it's reversible. you don't have to be in pain forever. we can all get better (it'll just take a while, I've been doing this for a year and a half and I'm still working at it, but what matters is that I'm better)

[tea-and-secrets]

would it be ok to ask that this one is posted soon? i could use reassurance about it if thats alright? things are just... really hard.

im trying to come to terms with the fact that im going to be disabled for the rest of my life. i accept that im disabled *now,* but i have a degenerative disease, its not going to just stop being there. its going to keep getting worse slowly over time.

its especially hard because... even now i cant do my favorite hobby, rockhounding, because i cant bend without risking falling, i cant get on the ground to pick things up and/or dig because i wouldnt be able to get up on my own, and i cant navigate most off-road areas where the rocks im interested in are most often found.

i also desperately want to be a geologist. but i wanted more than anything to be doing fieldwork, like going out and taking samples from various areas, making maps of what could be found where based on my samples... that sort of thing. but ill never be able to do it and i have to come to terms with that.

it will get bad enough that i will need a wheelchair at some point in my life too. like, at some point within the next five to ten years.

ill also never be able to pick people up again. my whole life ive prided myself in picking people i love up during hugs, spinning them around, that sort of thing. i especially loved picking up my best friend.

they understand that i cant do that anymore and theyve never expressed sadness over it, but i cant help but think about how delighted theyve always been about me picking them up and spinning or wiggling them during hugs, and how they used to ask multiple times each hangout to be picked up and hugged.

and even if they arent upset about it, *i* am. i want to be able to do what i used to be able to. but i cant. and i never will again.

its just hard, knowing ill never be able to reach my dream career, continue my favorite outdoor hobby, continue giving love to my friends in the ways i like to... theres so much i can no longer do, and so much ill never be able to do again.

its just really hard. i dont want to be this way. but i am and i always will be, and it will get worse even if i do things like meds and physical therapy. those would just delay the collapse of my disease.

im just sad. i dont want to have to come to terms with it. but i have to or else im setting myself up for even more grief.

and its all because my mom wouldnt get me treated when i was injured in my teenage years. that injury going untreated for so long is what caused my degenerative disease to start so early. my mom has it too but she didnt start developing it until her fourties.

and then for years after my injury when talking about my back pain she just kept saying it was because im fat and that it would stop hurting if i lost weight.

which of course sparked the eating disorder i had previously recovered from.

which ive been struggling with now again for years because of that. but i was getting better again.

until now. because my body hurts too bad to get out of bed often enough to eat a healthy amount so im rapidly losing weight and my brain is saying i have to keep going and going.

and, the wheelchair thing... all my friends live and are going to live places with a lot of stairs. and *i* live somewhere with a lot of stairs too. and the doorframes in all these places arent wide enough for a wheelchair, nor are the bathrooms large enough.

its just all so hard to think about. i hate it. i want to get better and heal like a normal person would, not be in pain constantly and get worse like my body is going to.

thank you for listening. sorry for how long this is.

if i could get reassurance in tags or replies that would be really nice. this is all just so hard and i only have a few people i can confide in about it.

<3

[cringelordofchaos]

Disability + Queer headcanons for some South Park characters i like

(warning: u might not agree w everything i have to say !!! :shocked emoji:)

(also sorry if im inconsistent w some characters pronouns ill probably refer to a character with their canon pronouns in the show and then when i remember trans hcs of said characterr suddenly ill refer to the w different pronouns)

Craig Tucker

- gay (no fucking shit sherlock)

- level 1 autistic, low empathy, difficulties communicating and understanding emotions, yada yada u get the gist

- some form of anxiety? idk probs not to a disordered amount but its there.

Kenny McCormick

- Chronic pain (everywhere)

- Epilepsy

- dude LITERALLY got a seizure from simply playing a video game (in thepokemon episode) this dudes physical health is so bad prolly cuz his constant deaths still leave an impact on him even after he gets revived?

- autism !? (idk im not 100% sure just yet)

- selectively mute

- probably some form of (complex?) PTSD from the constant traumatizing deaths he endures though again like im not sure

- but yyeah ok i just remembered thispost is about disability AND queer hcs so uhm kenny. I like the genderqueer hcs but he could also just be really gnc and i love that for him too. either way likes women a lot and i cant exactly imagine him liking a dude? like idk maybe but nah i dont see it

Tweek Tweak

- im sorry but i personally dont view him as having adhd cuz his parents tell others hes hyperactive bc of it but really its because they keep drugging the fucking eight year old so idk. like idk he could possibly have it but i cant decipher cuz we dont know what tweek would be like if he wasnt drugged and a coffee addict at such a young age. and causes of symptoms matter

- but yeah he def has GAD and panic disorder bc of the drugged coffee

- oh also gay

eric cartman

- NPD (i know hes a really stereotypical and harmful portrayal of it and there should be better representation of it but theres no way he doesnt have it im sorry)

- sexuality and gender are whatever benefits him at the moment

(ok but if ur actually wondering abt my hc hes probably gay)(in extreme denial obviously though)

Butters Stotch

- has some form of disorder related to trauma and if he doesnt hell get one when he grows up because like dudes been through SOME FUCKING SHIT. (and he canonically falls asleep to and wakes up to the sounds of his own screams so like. uhm)

- seems like hes straight? like could be bi though idk. he DID have a crush on princess kenny though? take it as you will lmao

- SHIT i forgot about marjorine. yeah just like w kenny either genderqueer or gnc, love both hcs

- may i suggest aroace butters though

- or no sexuality butters (he doesnt have a sexuality :broke heart:)(dont aks me how that works it jst does)

Stan Marsh

- Major depressive disorder

- literal alcoholic at age 10 thats bound to mess him up for life one way or another

- canonically diagnosed with asperger's syndrome but it was his obvious depression being misdiagnosed

- bi but like only gay for specific chars. but yeah confused abt sexuality

- gender questioning too and its pretty canon as shown in 'the cissy'. though then again stans really empathetic so u could say stans confused feelings of gender identity were just being influenced by cartman and wendy recently telling the school theyre trans. idk WHICH way stans trans though and neither do they

- emo

kyle broflovski

- im gonna hes say asexual cuz of human kite's character chart thingy and also bc why not

- have got zero clue as to what his sexuality is like. im a style shipper (big surprise ik) so u might think i think he likes dudes but idk. ive never seen anyone hc him as aroace before but i think it could fit him. he does seem like he could just be cishet too. or maybe bi? ive also seen gay hcs of him. idk man i think multiple fit depending on how u interpret his character?

-

Tolkien Black

- his roleplay character chart thingy said ther character was gender neutral so im going w that hc

- likes girls (canon as shown in cartman finds love)

Bradly/Bradley (the one from the conversion therapy episode)

- gay (SHOCKER)(BIGASS SURPRISE)(

Timmy

- canon wheelchair user (whats the term again i forgor) and also intellectually disabled (but also there was one point where it was revealed he was actually a genius i think?? so maybe hes not intellectually disabled but rather he lacks the capacity to express or communicate his inner world? idk)

- timmy

thas all i got for now im too lazy to continue but yeah pls dont kill me for these

EDIT 11/JUNE/2024: forgot to say this but also kenny has more physical disabilities than listed and also Cartman is dyslexic in my hc

[ghostr0tz]

Hi! Hello, just another local Vox in the neighborhood that wanted to say he loved the disability. Headcanons, questions and thoughts on if Vox would suffer from either Cluster-B either BPD or NPD and/or Fibromyalgia. As a liver of both of these, they certainly suck, but they do add to my experience as a Vox. Also Gosh it sucks that side blogs can't ask questions. Thank you and have a good Day!

Hello!!! Thank you that means a lot that people like my silly headcanons.

I very much think Vox is cluster-b coded, but my original post was getting so long I felt too bad to add other things...... (rambles under the cut)

I said in the notes that I felt like Vox felt BPD coded but I can DEFINITELY see him having NPD as well.

He displays a lot of grandiosity and self-importance, making WALLS against his true self and his public image, or whatever kind of person he needs to be for any given scenario.

MASSIVE superiority complex. Hes got so much shit under HIS name. HIS products. HIS show. HIS company. Its all Vox.

I feel like that complex completely warps once Vox actually considers you as your own Person and not some sort of consumer to sell something to though...

I could see the break in Alastor and his relationship being a Bad Result of Vox absorbing Alastor into his grandiosity delusions and Alastor reacting badly to it. And maybe The Vee's being a Positive Result of the same thing.

Extremely fragile image of himself that is prone to fracturing with criticism. Vulnerable to those he cares about (good or bad) and takes things very personal easily as we see in Stayed Gone....

Very Copedendant to people he lets in

Hatred for Alastor being vocalized so much and so publicly due to his NPD self-importance and need for approval and attention. Unable to understand why nobody cares as much as he does about Alastor being back.

Under the lens of Vox having BPD it is so clear that Alastor was in the position of being his Favorite Person:

Vox mimicking Alastor in SEVERAL ways

Obsessing over him for years, and even their relationship break could very easily be seen as Vox splitting on Alastor? or at least to me

His immediate fixation on Alastor again once realizing hes just walking around....

I feel like Valentino and Vox fuel each other's BPD and Vox and Velvette both could have NPD together,,

His obsession over Alastor feel like a man who has yet to get over his favorite person........

Interesting to think about Alastor being his First person he obsessed over and depended on which is why hes such a touchy subject and so personal.

ALSO Vox with Fibromyalgia is VERY real and definitely can see it. Vox is some sort of chronic pain is very based i think. I just KNOWWW his legs are bad but so is literally all of his body and hes SOOOO tired of it but theres things and work to do.

I dont think hed let himself have a lot of Bad Days to nurse his pain too much unless its Genuinely unbearable or hes being physically pulled away from his desk.

Thank you for the ask i loved writing these!!

[zonatcannibalism]

if i hear "zionism is the new nazism" one more time im gonna SCREAM.

lets explain something, ok? the pepole saying that do not fucking know what nazism is. 90 precent of goyim do not understand the extent of the horrors our people were put through. You need to realise that every Ashkenazi jew alive today has a story about the way their grandparents escaped. That we grew up hearing stories about the way our people were abused. About the human experimentations. About the starvation. About the way people who could have been us if we were born 80 years ago were treated as less then animals. About how they had their names taken away. About the children slaughtered and the women raped. About the mass graves we were forced to dig for our own people. Its not just 6 milion to us- its humans. Its the children my great grandmother played tag with. This is me keeping out some of the harsher shit i know about the shoa so it would be Tumblr appropriate. This is the CENSORED description.

No matter how bad do you think "the oppressive white supremacist zionists occupation" is, i promise you it is not slightly fucking close to being as bad as what our people went through in the 1940s, and saying it does is just trivialising our pain so it serves your agenda. Its disgusting and dehumanising. Do you realise we still carry the generational trauma of the shoa with us? Do you? You don't get to call anyone a nazi unless they're literally neo nazis. I don't care how awful of a racist bigot they are. You don't get to call someone a nazi until you learn what that word means.

"Punch nazis" is also a trivialisation of the shoa btw. Just dont. Please dont. Yes, i know queer and disabled people were slaughtered by the nazis too. Its still not the fucking same. Every single Jewish person today is haunted by the memory of the shoa. You goyim don't get to turn it into a fucking slogan.

To be clear: this is NOT a post saying Palestinians have a jolly ol time and should stop complaining beacuse the shoa was worst. Its about the way goyim trivialise our trauma.

[dragon-deez-ballz]

talking out of my ass about disability headcanons and random bullshit hee hee

we need more dbz characters w chronic pain + disabilities........ i havent seen a lot of headcanons about this......YES this post is brought on because i have had an unrelenting pain in my left shoulder / diaphragm for several days. but i have been thinking baoutthis for a while regardless

i could eprfectly imagine z fighters constantly waving off magical treatment for injuries for the sake of saving senzu for near-death / emergency situations since they take so long to synthesize . like the z fighters are fighters they are not strangers to ghe most common types of sports injuries as well as their own recurring injuries. whayever happened to the swagful compression clothing or ki based mobility aid

or like the saiyans when they get a new transformation always say its super energy-efficient / lossy........ im convinced that the saiyans pushing ghemselves past their limits introduces bone+ muscle damage or quickens degeneration. but they often enough get injuries magically fixed via senzu or dende or w/e post fighting to the death so i dont imagine this is usually a longterm issue

the onyl time i see headcanons about physical disability its like "vegeta gets phantom tail sensations". this is popular because the fans love saiyan tails & want them back, but otherwise have no reason to care about disability HCs outside of this -_-

wai.. actually now im thinking about it. s/o to a goku vegeta bodyswap fic i reqd where the author explains vegetas reduced mobility and military injuries in detail . ily i dont know where i put u.

speaking of health. collectively we need to make gokufatter there is no fucking way Guy who is characterized by being hungry + Guy who is strongest pretty much 99% of the time is as skinny as he is. official art goku has unnaturally defined musculature &is scary and dehydrated. + put those clavicle bones away mister

^image i want to look at

[etherealspacejelly]

hiya dad. I've done research and taken some online screening tests and I'm fairly sure I'm somewhere on the autism spectrum, but I don't know if my symptoms are "severe enough" to qualify for a diagnosis. and I don't know how much of it is the autism and how much of it is other stuff. so idk what to do and I suppose you could say I've got some pretty strong imposter syndrome going on. any advice would be quite appreciated

-🪨

if you haven't already, i would suggest taking the RAADS-R test. it is a screening tool used by professionals when diagnosing autism. it is not equivalent to a diagnosis, but it can help with that pesky impostor syndrome!

also, the autism spectrum is not a straight line from mild to severe. there's no such thing as mild or severe autism. autism is a collection of traits, and the spectrum represents how much each of those traits presents in you.

here is an example from i screening test i took a while ago (this is not the RAADS-R btw). because i dont have too much difficulty with eye contact, social interaction, or abnormal speaking patterns, i might seem like a 'mild' autistic to a casual observer. however, i really struggle with overstimulation in public places, and can have internal meltdowns because of this. i get obsessed with my interests to the point where i struggle to think about anything else, which impacts my schoolwork.

oftentimes words like 'mild' and 'severe' are used to refer to how much an autistic person inconveniences those around them, rather than how much they are struggling internally. no one is more autistic than anyone else. we all have our own unique struggles and strengths, because we are people, and thats just how people are! there is no way to be a 'little bit autistic'. you either are or you aren't. spectrum =/= sliding scale!!!

and yes, symptoms can overlap a lot between diagnoses. i think there should be less emphasis on "Do the things i struggle with align perfectly with the way people with this condition struggle?" and more on "Will the techniques designed to help these people make my life more bearable?" and if the answer is yes then use them!!!

you dont need a diagnosis to wear sunglasses indoors or use fidget toys or noise cancelling headphones/earplugs. there is no such thing as being 'disabled enough' for accommodations. if they make your life easier or less painful/uncomfortable, then do it!!! and this goes for other mental disabilities and physical disabilities too! and even non-disabled people!

i think as a society we have placed so much judgement on disabled people that it is seen as a personal failure to need accommodations. using a cane or walker is seen as 'giving up', when it can actually be a preventative measure for many physical conditions!

if something makes your life easier, then do it. regardless of whether you have the 'correct' or 'severe enough' disability for it. suffering is not noble.

[sukunasboytoy]

typed this up after watching the movie on opening n i was gonna keep it in the drafts for abt a week before posting it but ppl r talking abt it so im gonna go ahead n post it now !

‼️ cw: alien romulus spoilers ‼️

there is so much to be said abt andy im not even kidding theres so many conversations that can be had they include:

the black chara thats the emotional support for a white chara (andys whole thing is that he tells bad puns to rain to cheer her up - his one n only reason for existence is the do wtvr is best for rain is his literally a black chara that exists to prop up n support a white chara)

white feminism/white tears (how rain centers her own pain over the pain she caused andy, rain victimizes herself n openly argues w andy for turning on her n aligning himself w wy even tho she left him first - ofc they work thru this at the end but yk)

i rlly feel like andy has feelings for rain but hes been ‘brother zoned’ n his line abt ‘u can finally see me as a adult’ is what solidified that for me but i do think a mix of ableism n racism r at play there (black man being infantilized by the white woman he has feelings for bc of his blackness n mental (programming???) disability)

white savorism - inb4 rain ran back to andy at the end of the movie andy depended on rain for survival (needing help to fend off attackers at the start of the movie, rain constantly stepped in n defended andy against the anti-synth bigot which could be read as a metaphor for racism here, but its rain using her privilege as a flesh person (again metaphor for racism n ableism here) to constantly save andy that props her up as the Good Person even tho shes willing to use n abandon him)

andy doesnt rlly have any agency- he does what he feels whats best for rain (black chara used to prop up white chara) gets his agency overridden (by another white chara rook n mu/th/ur) n then makes the switch back to supporting rain (sure he chooses to let rain take the module out but yk plot convenience- they need the black man to sacrifice his life to save the white woman)

like dont get me wrong its great to have a black n disabled chara on screen n its great that he gets to be morally ambiguous (my personal fave) n i like that andy n rain have a complicated messy relationship n they hurt each other (like ppl do) but yk … hard not to notice some of this stuff yk

n i do think its on purpose bc synths r seen as not human/subhuman in the same way poc n neurodivergent ppl r (esp for his lack of empathy n emotions) hes viewed as inherently dangerous (like men of color r viewed as being innately violent n aggressive n mentally ill ppl r seen as violent n unpredictable)

rains decision to leave him behind bc hes “not rlly human bc he doesnt actually feel” is a good metaphor n representation for how poc r used as stepping stones n viewed as not “real” ppl by white ppl n the same can be said for neurodivergent ppl esp mentally disabled ppl rain seems to be fulfilled by andy needing her but is willing to leave him behind the moment including him becomes a hinder ace to her (n ofc its fixed in the end- but i like synths being a more obvious metaphor for ppl who r dehumanized in society aliens have largely been a white cast franchise so taking the narrative of the bigotry that synths face in the universe n having that applied to a synth that is black n disabled is great n i rlly like that the bigotry is portrayed in those subtle ways on screen like andys lack of agency n being used as a literal prop for the white woman by literally existing to support her)

[weixuldo]

Enigma// ch 19

anakin x reader

a/n: sorry this update has been so slow!! i’ve been working a ton to save up some money for college!! but dw the vision is there and i am so excited to continue this story :)

No one has heard from Anakin in a while and Ben decides to check up on him

warnings: cursing, cannon disabled character, insecurity, alcohol abuse, emtephobia (barf and stuff…), DONT DO WHAT ANAKIN DOES PLS LORD, seizure?? mentions of pregnancy

_______________________________

No one had heard from Anakin since he shared his test results with Ahsoka, so Ben decided it was long enough to start to worry.

Ahsoka had dragged you out to start baby shopping; you thought it could wait but she excitedly insisted it was better to start early. So the two of you were out for the day and Satine was busy with the wedding planner; that left Ben as the only one free to check up on the antisocial man. 

Of course Ben had no issue checking up on his longtime friend, he was used to it, but he was upset that Anakin was back in a stage where he needed to be checked up on… even if it were his own fault. 

Ben walked past Satine at their kitchen table sorting out color swatches for the table runners and a smile graced his face. He gently placed his hands on her shoulders and gave her a light kiss when she looked up at him.

“Alright, My darling, I’m off to go check up on Anakin” Ben said.

Satine sat the swatches in her hand down; “Do you think he’s ok? I mean I thought maybe he needed to be checked up on earlier…”

He kissed her on the forehead, “I’m sure he’s just fine. He’s probably sitting on the couch watching TV or just had a little too much to drink. Nothing I can’t handle”.

She bit the inside of her cheek and nodded, “ok, If you say so, dear”.

“It’ll be fine, I’ll check in with him then go to the grocery store to pick up that yogurt you wanted, alright?”.

“Ok… well tell him that we’ve all been worried ok? He can’t just disappear…”.

Ben nodded; he knew over the years they had been together, she began to see Anakin as a little brother of sorts and he was grateful she cared so much.

Anakin had created a found family with his friends.

He hopped into his car and turned the AC up to combat the summer heat as he cruised towards Anakin’s place.  

Once he arrived nothing looked amiss, the car was there and the blinds were closed (as per usual). He knocked on the door.

No answer.

He sighed and knocked again.

Nothing.

“Alright Anakin, You can be stubborn, but I know where the spare key is.”

When he had no answer again he bent down and grabbed the fake potted plant by the door and removed the false bottom to grab the small silver key. It wasn’t the first time Ben had had to do this. 

The door clicked and he entered the house, there was an odd smell lingering that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. 

“Anakin?” he called.

Still nothing. 

He saw that the TV was not on and assumed it was because he was sleeping so he headed towards the bedroom. 

Ben entered the dimly lit room and looked towards the bed only to see it vacant. He walked in further until he almost tripped on something, he looked down to see Anakin sprawled out on the floor under him lying in a puddle of his own barf. 

Great. 

This was not the first time Ben had seen Anakin like this; he bent down to lightly tap his friend on the face.

“Anakin…” Ben called, gently shaking him.

No response. 

“Anakin, come on- you’ve got to wake up” he said.

Still nothing.

Ben’s brows furrowed and he grabbed the unconscious man by the shoulders and began to shake him harder. 

“Anakin!”

Anakin’s face twisted into a pained expression and he groaned weakly. Ben breathed a sigh of relief, at least he was alive. 

“Anakin, do you know where you are?” 

More groans escaped the incapacitated man. 

“Can you open your eyes for me?” 

Anakin couldn’t.

Ben opened one of his eyes and his irises were completely unfocused. Ben looked over his body to see if he had any injuries; there was no telling what he had gotten into while he was blacked out.  

As he examined his friend, he noticed Anakin had also wet himself- that usually never happened. He started to become more worried the more he sat there with his friend; Anakin couldn’t seem to do anything more than groan and honestly he probably didn’t even know Ben was there. 

“Alright, Anakin… you’re not going to like this, actually I know you are going to be outraged with me” he pulled out his phone to dial the emergency number; “I’m sorry, but I will do what I must”.

911, what is your emergency?

“Hello there, yes, um I just found my friend unconscious on his floor, he seems to have been drinking but he's completely unresponsive right now.” Ben explained.

Alright sir, does he seem to have any external injuries? 

“Not that I can see”

Ok, does your friend have a past with alcohol abuse?

Ben knelt down beside Anakin as he was about to throw up again and Ben pushed him onto his side. 

“Yes mam, he has, but I’ve never seen him this bad,” Ben explained, putting the phone on speaker and setting it down so he could help Anakin with two hands. 

Once Anakin had finished throwing up Ben grabbed a towel that had been lying around and wiped his friend’s mouth. He was about to answer the responder’s next question when Anakin jerked in his arms and began to convulse. 

Ben’s eyes widened and he interrupted the woman on the phone; “He just started seizing! I-I don’t know what to do! Are you sending someone quickly?!”.

Yes sir, I have an ambulance on the way

off to the side she asked “dispatch, how long we got on that ambulance to the west side?”

They should be there in less than five minutes-

“HE’S STILL SEIZING, IS THIS NORMAL? WHAT DO I DO?!” Ben yelled, rolling his friend on his side once more. 

Sir, I need you to stay calm. If he was drinking it is most likely an alcoholic seizure, they are actually much more common than people think. 

Ben looked back down at his younger friend and began to speak, “Anakin, it’s alright, please just hang in there”. 

Ok, could I have the names-

“Anakin Skywalker is my friend, and I’m Ben- I mean…well my name is Obi-Wan Kenobi, but I go by Ben”.

Why was he oversharing? Why was he overthinking oversharing? He had no idea, this was a mess. 

Anakin finally stopped seizing and groaned; Ben wiped the drool from his friend’s mouth and tried to comfort him (even though he knew his friend couldn’t hear it). As he brushed his friend’s hair back, Ben noticed that Anakin’s breathing had become unnervingly shallow until it suddenly stopped. 

“H-HE ISN’T BREATHING!” Ben exclaimed. 

Ok, the ambulance just arrived, the EMTs should be coming in any secon-

The door busted open and a team of people dressed in black and navy uniforms trampled in with a stretcher and longboard. Ben breathed a sigh of relief to see them, but not long after the anxiety came back. 

He stepped aside as the team swarmed Anakin, each worker doing a different task.

They administered him oxygen, put a neck brace on him, and rolled him onto the board. The team lifted him onto the stretcher and began to roll him towards the ambulance. 

Ben followed worriedly and asked if he was allowed to ride with them in the ambulance.

“I’m sorry sir, but we need all of the hands we can to get your friend stable, but you can follow behind if you would like” one of the EMTs offered. 

Sooner than he could comprehend, the vehicle darted off with its sirens blaring; Ben shook himself from the panic and headed towards the hospital. What had Anakin done?

_______________________________________

On the other side of town…

The store was filled with soft colors and cuddly toys for kids of all ages; apparently Ahsoka knew the owners and could get a discount, so she brought you here to pursue the infant section in preparation for your child. 

Ahsoka picked up a small plush frog and smiled, “Aww, my friend Din bought one of these for his son- it’s so cute”. 

You smiled, she was more excited about this than you were.

“Do ya think you can tell if it's a girl or boy?” she asked as you inspected more toys.

“I’m not sure but I think I want to keep the gender a surprise til I give birth- that would be kinda fun. Like a blind box surprise” you joked. 

“Your choice” she smiled, “Though I’m gonna cast my bet that it’s a boy” she said.

You laughed a little, “That’s funny, because Ben and Satine are sure it’s going to be a girl”.

She shrugged, “well whatever it is, it’s gonna be a big baby with the speed it's growing”.

You laughed and continued down the aisle of brightly colored toys. 

Never in a million years would you have thought you would be pregnant in college, you always assumed you wouldn’t even have kids. There was no doubt that you were scared but as time went on and the baby grew, you couldn’t help but feel more and more excited to meet them. 

Regardless of Anakin’s role in your child’s upbringing you would do your best to be the most capable mother a child could have.

Deep down you knew you wanted the kid to at least have some sort of relationship with its father (and so did you), but it was seeming less and less likely by the day- Anakin’s silence was still ongoing. 

You were about to head down another aisle when your stomach bumped a display making you let out a surprised noise. 

“I didn’t know I was sticking out that far! I’m going to have to start buying new clothes before I know it” you complained as Ahsoka laughed.

“Hey, at least they're starting to make those clothes stylish. I remember when they all looked like potato sacks” .

Playfully, you rolled your eyes and continued further into the store. 

Eventually you chose a few things to buy and you got in line with Ahsoka. Apparently everyone in the city was here today because the line was impressively long. 

“We can just wait and buy this stuff later” you offered.

“Nah Its alright, plus this store gets a bunch of unique things that wont be here if we wait- and I think that’s a pretty cool steal” she smiled pointing towards the cute plush mobile of the solar system you found in the back. 

“I guess you're right, we have nothing better to do,” you agreed. 

________________________________

Ben arrived right behind the ambulance and rushed in alongside the stretcher Anakin was on. He was able to watch them transfer him to bed and begin a stomach pump on him. 

He saw one of the doctor's brows turn in confusion when they saw Anakin’s polycarbonate limbs. 

“He’s a veteran- He lost all of his limbs” Ben interrupted.

The doctor nodded and continued the procedure, though Ben was soon approached by another doctor looking for more information.

“Who are you?”

“I’m his best friend- I was the one who found him” Ben replied hurriedly, trying to see Anakin over the doctor’s shoulder. 

“Do you know how long he had been there?” 

“I-I have no earthly idea, I usually don’t come over randomly, but I hadn’t heard from him in a while…” Ben answered. 

“Alright sir, I’m going to have to ask you to go to the waiting room- I’ll send out a nurse to get the rest of the information- but right now we need to take care of your friend alright?”

Ben thought it odd that the doctor phrased it as if Ben was the one who started inquiring and now he was the nuisance- but he bit his tongue and followed the man’s instructions and headed for the dreary waiting room. 

Once he finally had a moment to digest what had happened, he pulled out his phone to call Satine. She was shocked to hear the news and asked if he was going to tell you or Ahsoka; that was a good question, who was he going to tell first?

Ahsoka was his longtime friend, but you were Anakin’s girlfriend, well ex (but he knew Anakin regretted acting so brashly towards you). 

He decided to call you; you were the mother of Anakin’s child, after all.

_____________________________

Bzzz, Bzzz, Bzzzzz

“Who is calling me?” you said to yourself as you maneuvered the items in your hand to grab your phone. 

It was Ben…odd.

“Hello?”

Hello

He sounded solemn- and all he said was “hello”? (usually there's more)

“Is everything alright?”

I know you and Anakin are not on the best terms right now, but I thought it best to let you know what has happened

Why was he being so ominous?

“What happened?” you asked worriedly; even though Anakin was a major dick, you still wanted him to be ok. 

Anakin is in the hospital. This morning I went over to check up on him and I found him incapacitated on the floor- I tried getting him up but he wouldn’t even open his eyes- I called 911 and before they got there he started seizing

“Wait, what?” you exclaimed, garnering a curious look from Ahsoka.

They took him to the ER and I saw them start to pump his stomach, but I’m not sure what else is happening- I’ll let you know though

“Who is that?” Ahsoka whispered to you as she grabbed the bags.

“Ben- Anakin is in the hospital” you told her.

Her eyes widened and her face drained of all color, “what?” she asked softly. 

You just nodded as Ben continued to speak. 

I don’t expect you to come over after all he did, but I thought I should let you know- Oh, I have to go now, they need me to fill out some paperwork

-click-

You lowered your phone and looked towards Ahsoka. 

“Ben found Anakin unconscious on his floor then he began seizing” you explained, half in shock. 

“Do we need to go over there?” she asked, concern laced in her voice. 

You nodded. How did this happen?

***

a/n: hmmm more plot hehehe- there’s gonna b a few small time skips in the next chapter- just for reference it’s supposed to b like late june :)

taglist : @dnamht @sxoulohvn @angeelcoree @wtf-andys @httpeachesblog @katsukiswrld @jetiikote @poisonedsultana @imarimone12 @fallinlovewithevil

[avacadokin]

Pssst I think you should write that fucked up fitpac thing

aughhhhhhhhhhhh fuck but im literally in the middle of writing another fitpac smut rn and ive got class, so instead im just gonna dump my ideas here and hopefully come back to them later

ok uh fuck pac uses his control over fit's mech dick (he made it after all) to overload fit with pleasure in purgatory to the point he cant fucking move at all, trapping him and taking him out of the fight until his 5 hours are up in purgatory.

or fit just fantasizing about how pac could do that, at any time just take advantage of his past trust and reduce him down to a pathetic moaning mess, taking him back to past encounters in 2b2t, how he successfully fought them off back then but wishing he wouldn't win for pac

fit going out to hunt, ambushing tubbo or some other blue team member not to realize that pac was there, killing the other blue but getting so low and his armor so broken he's completely at pac's whim, trying to run and falling horribly

fit getting called "big daddy" condescendingly by pac, just to rub it in his face how far he's fallen

a big fight between both blue and green ending with them being the only two left, covered in quickly drying blood of their friends and enemies (though at this point what's the difference?)

circling each other like starved dogs

ripping and tearing into each other pulling and scratching at anything they can reach when they finally collide

pac using the sharp hard edges of his prosthetic to kick fit wherever is closest, fit biting hard on his other knee to remind him how he lost his first

pac disconnecting fit's prosthetic arm, or just disabling it, he's repaired it enough times to know how to break it easily

tearing away his weapons and clothes, enabling some fun features he added like auto-lube and vibration before fucking fit on his own hand

pac hastily (he wants this to hurt) preps himself with fit's hand (slapping away the flesh one whenever it gets close) before shoving it back inside fit

if his prosthetic arm still had any feeling left in it it would burn from being trapped against the dirt beneath fit and from the angle his wrist must be at to get his fingers anywhere near his prostate (pac wishes it still had feeling)

pac getting fed up with the interference from fit's working hand, so he rearranges himself to pin it under his prosthetic leg, hoping the rough edges leave cuts and bruises, marking fit's entire body as his

then he sinks down onto fit's cock in one smooth motion (only lightly hampered by the blood dripping its way down from somewhere, pain is pleasure at this point so he doesn't care)

fit's hips buck up at the sensation, lifting pac up with him (the knowledge that he has so throughly conquered someone so strong does things to pac's brain)

one of pac's hands is busy restraining fit and acting as leverage for pac to fuck himself on fit's cock, but the other, pac brings up to the top of fit's bald head and scratches a bloody path from there, to his cheeks, over his pecs, and down his abs before resting atop pac's dick

pac gathers the pre-cum, blood and who knows what else that's settled there, before smearing it along a messy path up to fit's neck, where he just holds as he rides fit

when he feels fit cum inside him he doesn't stop, pac just grips even tighter onto fits throat, praying he's cutting off his airway as he rides to completion

then idk maybe they kill each other so they dont have to clean up, maybe they clean up and apologize and its terribly sweet for the situation they're in

[simplyender]

If it's asks you want, asks you shall get! I remember you mentioning that you think Spot will probably die in the next movie. However, Miles says something like "Spot only wants to be respected, like everyone else," before he gets interrupted by Miguel. Maybe this could hint at Spot making it out alive. Or this is just wishful thinking on my part. And if he really does die in the next movie, then it will be due to his own actions, like using up all his powers or smth like that.

tbh, my reasoning for spot dying can be boiled down to a few points. but first, i wanna talk about...

why i absolutely believe spot shouldnt be killed off.

1. the current narrative is that miles is effectively breaking the cycle that is "canon", giving a big 'ol Fuck You to whats defined as fate and inevitable pain. spots trying to force miles in to the narrative hes made up in his head (which coincides with whats meant to be "canon"), but things dont have to be that way and miles KNOWS that. i think itd be thematically appropriate if miles breaks this cycle of cruelty and allows spot to survive, making him have to face his own actions and crippling lack of self worth and actually work to make things better, for himself and everyone hes hurt.

2. im overly attached to spot being disability-coded, for more on that, please read this amazing post that opened my third eye. anyway, the tl;dr is that spot behaves and is treated a lot like a newly, visibly disabled person, subject to the same prejudices as they are as well as being forced to navigate an entirely new body, as somebody might have to if they were to receive a workplace injury that left them disfigured and permanently disabled. this is also why id like it if he doesnt get turned human again/"cured" at the end. it just doesnt feel like itd be satisfying for things to end like that for him. if anything, the most satisfying conclusion to his arc would if he got stopped, and then be given the opportunity to finally take responsibility for his own actions, and acknowledge his own fault in what happened to him and that it ultimately wasnt miles that did this to him and that even so, one of the things thats NOT spots fault is how he got treated for what happened to him so he really should get understanding and validation in that department. he also deserves to learn how to accept himself (beyond seeing his new form and powers as a tool to pursue revenge) as he is instead of it being framed likes hes only worthy of respect and recovery once he becomes human again.

3. i like him a lot and thinks he deserves better than to just be killed off.

why i think that despite it all, spot will be killed off:

1. any form of redemption or willingly giving up entirely depends on if spot can bring himself to listen to reason and take responsibility for his actions. something weve seen that hes notoriously bad at.

2. why would spot willingly choose to give up and back down when hes got absolutely nothing left for him in life? theres literally nobody waiting for him on the other side of this if he does. no family. no friends. no job. nothing. he might consider himself too far gone.

3. while 90s cartoon spot DID redeem himself, he did it through a heroic sacrifice...

4. lbr spiderman villains usually either get jailed or killed off. why would things be different for spot. because hes sympathetic? a lot of villains are. hes also insanely powerful and this could end up as a "destroys himself"" situation.

5. spot might be about to commit mass murder, which...definitely makes it harder to consider him as somebody "worthy of redemption".

6. ive watched so many of my favorite characters die. im not kidding i have the worst luck. 98% of them have been killed off and i think spot might be next in line bc its unlikely the writers care about him as much as i do. :(

so...yeah.