#i find it more convincing that taylor is gay than that taylor has ever read a book that wasn’t gone girl

[queerlennon]

Lesley-Ann Jones Is Untrustworthy

So I’ve seen some people in the fandom reading and citing Lesley-Ann Jones’ biography The Search For John Lennon recently and to be honest it’s concerning to me. Lesley Ann Jones has proved in the past to be an extremely untrustworthy source for info about the people she writes about. I understand that it’s exciting to have a book about John that’s not written by the typical “Lennon biographer” type (aka an ageing straight man) and for said book to also promise to shed light and focus on his bisexuality but, if we’re going to analyse John respectfully and accurately, it’s important to identify sources that are biased and untrustworthy, even if they’re technically within our favour. Especially when it relates to his queerness. And seeing as LAJ doesn’t have the best record when it comes to writing about rockstars’ sexualities in a respectful manner, it’s best to treat her words with caution.

Info about exactly how she’s a bad source is under the cut

Firstly, it's key to talk about LAJ's journalistic background when discussing what sort of writer she is: she's worked for papers such as The Sun, The Daily Mail, and The Mail On Sunday. Essentially, the bulk of her work has been for tabloids and traditionally the writing style for those kinds of publications place an emphasis on sensationalism and gossip. Now obviously that doesn’t discredit her work immediately, authors are usually able to write in more than one style so it doesn’t necessarily mean the tabloid style is going to carry over to her biographies; but it’s good to keep in mind when discussing and analysing the legitimacy of the narratives she creates and the stories she recounts in her work. 

LAJ has received criticism in the past, particularly from the queen fandom of often overexaggerating, or just straight presenting false information in her bios about Freddie Mercury. She is the champion of the claim that Freddie was bisexual and not gay. Her evidence for this is over-exaggerating and (seemingly intentionally) misinterpreting the nature of the relationship between Freddie and his friend, Barbara Valentin. LAJ claimed that the two had a relationship and even lived together:

“Barbara was very open with me about the sexual relationship she had with Freddie.”

(x)

(x)

However, no-one in Freddie’s life has ever corroborated that Freddie and Barbara were anything but friends. As for the claim they lived together, according to Peter Freestone, an extremely close friend of Freddie’s:

In the event, Freddie never actually lived there although Barbara fulfilled a huge role in Freddie’s life at that time... Freddie became very disillusioned when with more and more frequency articles were appearing in the German press’s gossip columns... about the relationship between him and Barbara... After one article claiming to have knowledge of him and Barbara getting married, Freddie... concluded that it could only be Barbara who was providing the information.

(x)

This exaggeration of their relationship and the insistence LAJ has on presenting Freddie as bi because of it has attracted criticism from queen fans for obvious reasons. For one, it’s borderline homophobic to essentially lie about a gay man having a relationship with a woman while downplaying his relationships with men. No, she’s not portraying him as a straight man, however it’s still erasure of the specific struggles Freddie would’ve faced being a gay man in his time, therefore those who want to analyse him would be missing some of the picture when trying to understand him and his life

LAJ’s research methods are also... questionable. This is a post from Crystal Taylor (one of Roger Taylor’s roadies) about her methods for her David Bowie bio which, if to be believed is particularly concerning.

(x)

LAJ is also known to greatly exaggerate her own relationships with her subjects. She often claims to have been friends with the people she writes bios about (coincidently the people she does this with are dead.) Back in the day she would meet with artists while on tour so the idea is convincing enough. However besides her word there’s nothing to suggest that she had close friendships with Freddie or Bowie, two people she claimed to be good friends with. There’s also this comment from Brian May which actually goes against the idea that she was close with Freddie:

(x)

So with all of this in mind, let’s look at the quote from The Search For John Lennon that’s been circulating around Beatles tumblr:

That Bowie worshipped Lennon is no secret. He'd banged on about it often enough. The ex-Beatle had gone to his hedonism. They'd met in Los Angeles, during John's Lost Weekend. I lunched from time to time with David in New York while working there as a music journalist, before he married Iman. He lent me his house in Mustique, to write the first draft of my first biography on Freddie Mercury.

The crazy pair went out to play, according to David, when John was on yet another break from May and far away from Yoko. They genderbender-ed about, John indulging again that 'inner fag' of his. What larks.

They later 'hooked up': 'There was a whore in the middle, and it wasn't either of us,' David smirked. 'At some point in proceedings, she left. I think it was a she. Not that we minded.' By the time they made it back to New York, the ambisextrous pair were 'lifelong friends'.

I’m suspicious of this story for several reasons but first I want to make it clear that none of them have to do with John having sex with men or being bisexual. I’m a very firm believer of John’s bisexuality (my username is literally queerlennon lmao) but once again I think it’s good to examine the legitimacy of sources, even when they favour our position.

Firstly, LAJ’s source for this story is the claim that David told her, which considering I can’t find any info about them being friends besides her word, combined with the fact that she’s lied about having close relationships in the past raises a lot of flags.

But even if we assume LAJ isn’t lying and did know Bowie, the quote is still suspect, particularly the line “John was on yet another break from May and far away from Yoko.” According to May in her book Loving John, her and John had only one break from their relationship (the phrase “yet another break” implies multiple) that lasted a week, and for the entirety of that week, John was with Yoko. (x)

Finally, the language LAJ uses to describe John and David’s sexualities not only puts me on edge but very much makes me question her intention. Phrases like “the genderbender-ed about,” “indulged his ‘inner fag,’” and “ambisextrous,” all come across to me as fetishisation. Bisexuality is already very highly fetishised and sexualised and LAJ is most definitely not concerned with deviating from that representation. That phrasing combined with the way she also discusses Freddie’s sexuality, where she’s alleged highly sexualised claims about him having threesomes:

And quite often that involved other people as well. Other men, other women. There would be a number of them in the bedroom at any given time. In fact they were raided by the police once and the police stormed in and they found more people than they were expecting to find in the bed that morning.

(x)

— leads me to believe that LAJ is an author less concerned with exploring John’s sexuality as apart of his life, something that made him who he was, and more concerned with including details about “bisexual threesomes” as shock value, as a sensational point she can use to to promote her book in press tours and interviews. Like a tabloid writer. And this sort disrespect representation of John’s queerness, imo isn’t that much better than the biographers who dismiss or underplay it. I totally understand that for a lot of us, finding out new info about John’s queer identity is exciting, especially for those of us who are queer and identify with a lot with John for that reason, myself included. But we shouldn’t be giving credence and legitimacy to someone who firstly, isn’t trustworthy and secondly who’s reason for talking about it is gross and exploitative at best and biphobic at worst.

tl;dr, LAJ is an incredibly untrustworthy source of info and in her own over exaggerations, treats discussions of queerness in an extremely problematic and exploitive way so please take anything you read from her with a massive grain of salt.

[mooosicaldreamz]

We obviously need your song by song analysis of evermore please!

i got asked to do this about four times so here it is.....much anticipated. i know. please note that when i say that i hate her or despise her i don’t actually mean that. but i do

EVERMORE

OK LETS GO

WILLOW - ok, groovy first time you hear it, right? has a strong rumbly wiggle. let’s VIBE. the low of the verse, the high of the chorus…oh my goodness! what is she doing. she’s just out there! wow. “wherever you stray i follow” is a banger. “life was a willow and it bent right to your wind” with the overlay oof let’s go.!!!! a shockingly strong first entry of the record…best one since “welcome to new york” maybe!!! let’s just say it!!! for some reason “i come back stronger than a 90s trend” throws me off though…i don’t know. it’s just so moody pop, no one is doing it like her!!! i hate her

CHAMPAGNE PROBLEMS - every time i listen to this song i listen to it four times. not a joke. it’s perfect. i don’t think i need to convince anyone! it’s perfect!!!!! what are you doing? taylor swift, the most dramatic bitch, has been writing dramatic bitch songs since she was fourteen and yet, somehow, she contrives to write even more dramatic things as she ages. this song is a JOKE. there are not ENOUGH songs about denying proposals! it’s just simple and sad. oh my god. it’s insane. the fact that she wrote this with her boyfriend (i have a running theory that they are married, we are going to refer to joe as her Perfect and Glorious Husband from now on) …… come on. the ENTIRE BREAKDOWN. “YOUR MIDAS TOUCH ON THE CHEVY DOOR / NOVEMBER FLUSH YOUR FLANNEL CURE / THIS DORM WAS ONCE A MADHOUSE / I MADE A JOKE WELL ITS MADE FOR ME / HOW EVERGREEN OUR GROUP OF FRIENDS / DON’T THINK WE’LL SAY THAT WORD AGAIN / AND SOON THEY’LL HAVE THE NERVE TO DECK THE HALLS THAT WE ONCE WALKED THROUGH” ……. concluding with that absolute stabby killer “what a shame she’s fucked in the head” oh my god……….. and the song resolving in a very adult “you’ll find someone else” god

GOLD RUSH - ok so like this song is like ok it’s got the same groovy high /low that’s happening on willow but it’s so different! it’s so good! the pulse of the beat propelling the whole thing through and then the falling apart “oh what must it be like to grow up that beautiful”……………..ok. the visceral image of “my eagles t-shirt hanging from the door” …………. i admire very much taylor’s oncoming gift of moving through high/low imagery…… i love her so much? it’s so HARD. “my mind turns your life into folklore” beautiful! BEAUTIFUL! also i have some belief in me that this is about karlie kloss but i shall not dive into that hole.

TIS THE DAMN SEASON - oh so i’m supposed to LIVE with this song EXISTING. WHY!!!! HOW……..oh my god………..taylor was like, yes, i’m going to write a song about a famous girl going home and banging her high school flame for a week and jack and aaron were like oh ok. “i parked my car between the methodist and the school that used to be ours.” she is such a joke. “you could call me babe for the weekend” like ok emo!! emo!!! OK. I LOVE THIS SONG

TOLERATE IT - taylor really gave us the most depressing track 5, but it’s absolutely a banger and i love her! she is just vibing! oh my god. what a specific emotion to pinpoint with this song….it’s such a gift. no one is hitting this space

NO BODY NO CRIME - this song has no business being on this record but in the BEST WAY, like how daddy lessons mysteriously appears in the middle of lemonade. oh my goodness. this is just pure country revenge song. taylor was like oh actually i haven’t forgotten my roots and i hate men more than i ever have. and she got haim to sing with her. and it’s so good. the low “i think he did it” oh my goodness. this song is a joke. how is it real? it’s just a perfect radio song. it reminds me very much of “before he cheats” but it’s a lot more sonically calm

HAPPINESS - similar to “tolerate it” and i think “champagne problems” this song is beating on an emotional bush that is really really hard to hit the head of. like, so she collabed with the national and bon iver on this record and previous obvi, and i LOVE them, but their music can often be very………impressionistic? perhaps? is how i might put it. it’s sometimes hard to get a note of specificity from it. imo. but taylor loves a fucking story bro. and she has figured out how to tell made up stories. she can’t be stopped now. like…this space of a breakup and knowing that it’s for the best and being sad in this way? name a pop star who has a song this nuanced. for real! god. i despise her. “across a great divide / there is a glorious sunrise”

DOROTHEA - the other half to the far superior TIS THE DAMN SEASON and a banger all the same. it has the bouncy joy of the most buoyant national songs. in the same vein as the also far superior BETTY, she has her sweet dumb boy slurry and less intelligent voice. i love that she paints these narrators this way, it’s just nothing she would have ever reached for ever before this period. she has a Perfect and Glorious Husband now and she has begun to understand teenage boys, FINALLY.

CONEY ISLAND - i have upon many occasions opined that i love the national VERY MUCH. i once went to a festival with my gf and her sister to see them even though i was expressly not invited and you know what despite the fact that it caused a lot of angst, i got to see the national play TERRIBLE LOVE in the middle of the night and I SCREAMED IT. so like, listen. what is matt berninger doing here, to me, specifically????????? i was somewhat hesitant about how their voices might blend, but it works astonishingly well. and i think that it’s so wonderful, i can’t. the imagery of a dreary coney island…..”sorry for not winning you an arcade ring.” as taylor always proves, the bridge is spectacular. “were you standing in the hallway / with a big cake / happy birthday”……”and when i got into the accident / the sight that flashed before me was your face / but when i walked up to the podium / i think that i forgot to say your name” sorry to yOU calvin. she had ISSUES. and now she has a Perfect and Glorious Husband. also “sorry for not making you my centerfold” ok kaylor

IVY - this song is about emily dickinson and i DARE you to tell me that i’m wrong. I DARE YOU. I DARE YOU. you’d be wrong! embarrassing for you. taylor finally writing a probably legitimate queer song and it’s about fucking emily dickinson is so on brand…..it’s dripping with poetry and groove and she’s so fucking dumb i hate her so much. her narrative of ivy and poetry and the lakes district…….ok taylor. i know. i know you watched all the dickinson things that came out and you identified with her. the gentle sway of the “oh, goddamn” and the “oh, i can’t”……i CAN’T EITHER TAYLOR !!! i CAN”T TAYLOR!!!! “oh goddamn / my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand / taking mine but it’s been promised to another / oh i can’t / stop you putting roots in my dreamland” TAYLOR. and then she says, “oh you didn’t realize this wasn’t gay?” “i want to know the fatal flaw that makes you long to be magnificently cursed” like @ emily yourself taylor “he wants what’s only yours”……TAYLOR. give me the entire catalogue of emily dickinson songs!!!!! i can’t do this. “springs breaks loose / but so does fear” “i’d live and die for moments that we stole / on begged and borrowed time / so tell me to run / or dare to sit and watch what we’ll become / and drink my husband’s wine.” taylor if you see this post, a, i love you, b, i need you to tell me about ivy, and c, PLEASE can i have tickets to your next tour in the year 2025 or whenever because my gf never buys me any to your shows……….i love this song if it isn’t clear. i think i’d love it if it wasn’t gay

COWBOY LIKE ME - ok this will sound weird and if you’ve read this far i’m going to assume that you don’t care about me being weird…but this song reminds me of the fanfiction STAY THE NIGHT by lynnearlington (maybe u’ve heard of it). please reply if you think about this and feel the same. “never wanted love / just a fancy car” “you had some tricks up your sleeve / takes one to know one / you’re a cowboy like me” the opening line re: the tent-like thing reminds me very strongly of the fourth of july at our family’s country club and they set up a tent over the parking lot and this song just makes me think of that vibe????? i don’t know. i have vibes. i love this song a lot, which is impressive because it follows after the gay euphoria of IVY. perhaps this is because it gives me its own gay euphoria. “now you hang from my lips like the garden babylon” ???? is one of the most gay, seductive, brutal lyrics i have ever heard. she wrote that down and was like, oh yeah, vibez, hundo p. she did that to me

LONG STORY SHORT - this song is an honorary sequel to I FORGOT THAT YOU EXISTED from the lover era (honestly i’m still in the lover era). but i actually think this song is better! so we are taking that. “actually i’ve always thought that i looked better from the rearview” ok taylor let’s access that feeling! “no more keeping score / i just keep you warm” is like, stupidly sweet.  rip to calvin but now taylor has a Perfect and Glorious Husband.

MARJORIE - made me cry, simple and beautiful. one of the more personal songs on the tracklist! and something that i had never considered that she would write about, but i think the quarantine period has allowed a lot of us to dig into our feelings, so….vibez. we’re vibing!

CLOSURE - this song’s production sounds a lot like bon iver’s recent productions, very tech-y and repetitive and spare. rip to karlie kloss but taylor has a Perfect and Glorious Husband and karlie’s legal last name is kushner so who really won? hmm? i love “i’m fine with my spite / and my tears / and my beers / and my candles” the inclusion of candles is just. vibez. there are four candles lit rn in our apartment!

EVERMORE - i think this song is very intriguing and i’m still puzzling with it! the simplicity of her depressive gray November phase and then the very ebullient and bold bon iver interlude……..really has a manic/depressive, sad/angry vibe???? it feels so on brand for this pandemic quarantine…..and it works shockingly well, except for that i’d rather listen to the bon iver part for 10 minutes more. “all my waves are being tossed / is there a line that i can just go cross” and then taylor’s sort of call and response with his interlude……should just be the whole song.  but it’s still good. that’s how annoying she is

[oddcoupler222]

Do you have any book recs like yours and w. epic love scenes like yours?

I appreciate anything I’ve written being called epic in any way :) 

I don’t really know if I could accurately compare any books I’ve read to my own but I do have some book recs that I adore! I’ll give you my top ten lesfics for some variety

- Behind the Green Curtain by Riley LaShea (my ultimate fave romance)

When Caton’s sleazy boss offers her a position as his wife’s personal assistant, she accepts the job with reservations, certain Jack Halston has ulterior motives. After meeting Jack’s wife Amelia, though, it’s Caton’s motivations that begin to unravel. As vicious as she is beautiful, Amelia threatens Caton’s position and her sense of decorum. As the attraction between the two women spirals into a torrid affair, Caton is drawn deeper into Jack and Amelia’s world of privilege and prestige, where everything is at stake and nothing is what it seems. 

- All That Matters by Susan X  Meagher

Life is going damned well for Blair Spencer. She's a very successful real estate agent, happily married to a man who encourages her to live the independent life she loves; and they're actively working to have a baby. The wrench in the works is that Blair favors adoption, while her husband David desperately wants to have a biological child. The fates are against them, and they finally seek the help of a group of reproductive specialists. One of the doctors, a surgeon named Kylie Mackenzie, eventually becomes a good friend to Blair. And she needs all of the friends she can get when things start to go horribly wrong at home. As her marriage teeters on the brink of collapse, she relies more and more on Kylie's friendship. Kylie's happily gay; Blair's happily straight. But the way they structure their relationship leads friends and family to privately question whether the pair is setting themselves up for heartache. They eventually come to a crossroads, which could either destroy their friendship or turn it into what each of them has been seeking. The question is whether each woman can change her view of herself and her needs. The answer is all that matters.

- Alone by EJ Noyes 

Half a million dollars will be Celeste Thorne’s reward for spending four years of her life in total isolation. No faces. No voices. No way to leave.

Since Celeste has never really worried about being alone, the generous paycheck she’ll receive for her participation in the solitary psychological experiment seems like easy money.

When she finds an injured hiker in the woods bordering her living compound, her strictly governed world is thrown into disarray. But even as she struggles with the morality of breaking the rules of the experiment, Celeste can’t deny her growing attraction to the kind and enigmatic Olivia Soldano. Still, how much can you really trust a stranger? And how much can you trust yourself when you know all the faces you’ve seen and voices you’ve heard for the past three years have only been your imagination?

But what’s real? Celeste’s reality may lie somewhere between the absolute truth and a carefully constructed deception. (the concept of this is just INcredible. and the execution as well - perfect)

- The Goodmans by Clare Ashton

The lovely doctor Abby Hart lives in her dream cottage in the quintessential English border town of Ludbury, home to the Goodmans. Maggie Goodman, all fire and passion, is like another mother to her, amiable Richard a rock and 60s-child Celia is the grandmother she never had. But Abby has a secret. Best friend Jude Goodman is the love of her life, and very, very straight. Even if Jude had ever given a woman a second glance, there’d also be the small problem of Maggie – she would definitely not approve. But secrets have a habit of sneaking out, and Abby’s not the only one with something to hide. Life is just about to get very interesting for the Goodmans. Things are not what they used to be, but could they be even better? (there are not one but TWO perfectly written romances intertwined in this *chef kiss*)

- Pretending in Paradise by M Ullrich

When travelwisdom.com assigns PR specialist Caroline Beckett and travel blogger Emma Morgan to cover a hot new couples retreat, they're forced to fake a relationship to secure a reservation. Ten days in paradise would be a dream assignment, if only they'd stop arguing long enough to enjoy it. Reputations are Caroline's business. Too bad she was forced out of her previous job when an ex smeared hers all over the office grapevine. She's never getting involved with a coworker again, especially not one as careless and unprofessional as Emma. Emma knows that life is too short to play by the rules. But when she goes too far and a defamation lawsuit puts her job in jeopardy, she has to make nice with Caroline, the image police, and deliver the best story of her career.

Only pretending to be in love sure feels a whole lot like falling in love. When their story goes public, ambition and privacy collide, and their chance at making a fake relationship real might just be collateral damage. (there’s just SOMETHING about this that is super freaking cute)

- The Brutal Truth by Lee Winter

Australian crime reporter Maddie Grey is out of her depth in New York, miserable, and secretly drawn to her powerful, twice-married, media mogul boss, Elena Bartell, who eats failing newspapers for breakfast. As work takes them to Australia, Maddie is goaded into a brief, seemingly harmless bet with her enigmatic boss—where they have to tell the complete truth to each other. It backfires catastrophically.

A lesbian romance about the lies we tell ourselves.

- The Red Files by Lee Winter (kudos to her for being the only author that makes it to this list with two separate books)

Ambitious Daily Sentinel journalist Lauren King is chafing on LA’s vapid social circuit, reporting on glamorous A-list parties while sparring with her rival—the formidable, icy Catherine Ayers. Ayers is an ex-Washington political correspondent who suffered a humiliating fall from grace, and her acerbic, vicious tongue keeps everyone at bay. Everyone, that is, except knockabout Iowa girl King, who is undaunted, unimpressed and gives as good as she gets. One night a curious story unfolds before their eyes: One business launch, 34 prostitutes and a pallet of missing pink champagne. Can the warring pair work together to unravel an incredible story? This is a lesbian fiction with more than a few mysterious twists. (as someone who is usually pretty bored by any plot other than the romance, I actually enjoyed this mystery)

- Tricky Wisdom/Tricky Chances by Camryn Eyde

(for tricky wisdom)  Darcy Wright is a closeted lesbian who has been infatuated with her best friend, Taylor, since junior high. Leaving her small northeast Minnesota town for Harvard in a quest to become a doctor, she moves in with med-student Olivia Boyd, a neurotic, anal, gigantic pain in the backside. The first year of juggling medical school is grueling, but it’s nothing compared to living with Olivia.

Coming out to her friends and family with an anti-climactic flop, Darcy uses her newly publicized sexuality to try and win Taylor’s affections through an ill-hatched scheme that crosses uncomfortable lines. The result is as unexpected to Darcy as Darcy’s affinity for medicine is to Olivia.

The first year of medical school is a nerve-wracking encounter in medicine, learning lessons the hard way, and finding what her heart desires.

Tricky Chances is the sequel to Wisdom, but it’s the only lesfic sequel that i truly felt added to the first one and was just as gripping! Plus, the first book is only 48k words so the followup is perfect to come right after

- Who’d Have Thought by G Benson

Top neurosurgeon Samantha Thomson needs to get married fast and is tightlipped as to why. And with over $200,000 on offer to tie the knot, no questions asked, cash-strapped ER nurse Hayden Pérez isn’t about to demand answers.

The deal is only for a year of marriage, but Hayden’s going into it knowing it will be a nightmare. Sam is complicated, rude, kind of cold, and someone Hayden barely tolerates at work, let alone wants to marry. The hardest part is that Hayden has to convince everyone around them that they’re madly in love and that racing down the aisle together is all they’ve ever wanted. What could possibly go wrong? (this book comes in 9th because i don’t love it QUITE as much as i do all the others, but it was the one that got me into lesfic so! it’s good stuff)

And in a guest pick from the only other voracious lesfic reader i know, @debbie-eagan - 

Beautiful Dreamer by Melissa Brayden - 

Philadelphia real estate broker Devyn Winters is at the peak of her career, closing multimillion-dollar deals and relishing it. She’s pretty much blocked out her formative years in Dreamer’s Bay, where the most exciting thing to happen was the twice a year bake sale. Unfortunately, a distress call hauls her back home and away from the life she’s constructed. Now the question is just how long until she can leave again? And when did boring Elizabeth Draper get so beautiful?

Elizabeth Draper loves people, free time, and a good cup of coffee in the warm sunlight. In the quaint town of Dreamer’s Bay, she’s the only employee of On the Spot, an odd jobs company. She remembers Devyn Winters as shallow in high school, but now everything about Devyn makes her lose focus. Though her brain knows Devyn is only home temporarily, her heart didn’t seem to get the memo (I’m personally not a huge Brayden fan but a lot of other lesfic readers are so I reached out for a second opinion on this matter)

I hope you enjoy!

[cenestpasmoi-bechloe]

As I Lost My Heart in You

When you’re 16, initials of your soulmate appears on your wrist.It varies by person, but everyone usually spends time trying to find theirs.  It doesn’t always mean that there’s going to be a relationship, sometimes you spend your whole life trying to find your soulmate. 

Title from Mariah Carey's Underneath the Stars.

Gifted to @177-8 for the Pitch Perfect Fandom Drive!

Thank you for contributing!

I hope you enjoy it and I apologize for taking so long!!

For more info on how to help, visit the

@ppfandomdrive

page.

Read on Ao3 

Beca Mitchell got hers the week of her 16th birthday. She didn’t believe in soulmates and initials. Her dad and her mom had their initials, but they had gotten divorced, her mom died of cancer, and while she was fighting it, her dad had found his ‘soulmate’. She couldn’t forgive her father for ding that to her mother.  But she had gotten her initials whether she liked them or not, two letters, CB in cursive.

By that time, she had figured that she was gay, and she had dated a few people.

Her first girlfriend, was Juliana Taylor, but they had broken up, just because they weren’t feeling ‘it’ anymore. Juliana had BM on her wrist, but it probably wasn't her anyways.

She’d decided she’d give boys a try when Conner Basin asked her out. It was less of a date and more of a hangout with a bro, but she had figured he wasn’t the one either, after he had criticized Beca’s favorite video game. He had said the graphics were bad, and that the settings weren’t enough. Beca had called for her friend Stacie to come pick her up at the mall right away, which she did, with her flavor of the week, Jesse Owens.

Boys were a no-go.

Two years later, she was off to college, Barden University, full ride by her father, who is a faculty at Barden. Stacie went along with her, but with a full ride scholarship with her amazing high school grades. Barden had a weird rule about roommates, where everyone had their roommates select randomly by the housing office. That meant that she couldn’t room with Stacie, and she was bunked with Kimmy-Jin, the international student from Korea. Stacie had been roomed with a girl named Alisha, who stacie couldn’t stand. Stacie was literally trying to find a sorority just for their housing.  

Chloe Beale had gotten her initials on her 16th birthday. She didn’t have one before her party, but somehow had one when she took a shower that night. It was a BM in bold letters. She had tried hard to find her soulmate, but couldn’t find anyone that was the ‘one’. She had dated a Bobby Markham, but his birth name was Robert, which made his initials RM, thus making it impossible for him to be her soulmate. But where was the rush anyways? She was still 17. She had college plus a few more years to figure out this whole soulmate thing.

She was off to Barden which had an amazing pre-vetrenary program. She met her best friend, Aubrey Posen during her first year biology class, and they had joined the Barden Bellas together soon after. She started dating Bay Matthews, a boy going to Georgia State at a party during the summer, but had broken up due to him being very possessive.

She had worked hard in the Bellas until her junior year, the senior Bellas that year were a bitch. The captain, Alice was the worst of them all. She bossed everyone around, and made Aubrey and Chloe do all the hard work. She was sick and tired of being bossed around like disposable objects. She had been so happy when the seniors graduated and they were finally the leaders of the group. She and Aubrey had decided to become co-captains instead of closing one leader for their group. After Aubrey and the puke incident, they were out of members and desperate to get freshmen on their team.  During the activities fair on the quad, they had to ask so many girls to join,  they couldn’t keep track. Although their determination, not a lot of people seemed to be interested. Chloe had almost given up when a beautiful brunette had walked past, not interested at first, but had taken their flier.  She had said that acapella was lame, and that she didn’t even sing. That made Aubrey nearly puke, but Chloe had hope.

One day, she’s taking a shower, actually, hooking up in the shower with her flavor of the month or two, Tom, when she hears Davis Guetta’s Titanium sung by a beautiful voice. She stops mid  kiss and walks out of her stall to try to find the owner of her beautiful voice.

“You can sing!” She’s surprised to see the brunette she had just seen at the activities fair in the afternoon.

“Dude!” She closes the curtains, but Chloe opens them back and asks her about how high her belt goes, and about how she should Jon the Bellas.

They sing together, and Chloe leaves the brunette’s shower stall with her boy toy.  What she realizes is that she gad forgotten to ask her her name. All she had managed to see was the brunettes initials on her wrist, which had her initials, CB.

The day of the audition comes, and the brunette decides to arrive at the audition, and sings a song with cups at the end. She can tell that Aubrey is pissed at the fact that she was the best in all of the auditions, and Chloe convinces Aubrey to let her join the Bellas.

After the audition, she finds out that the brunette’s name is Beca Mitchell from the papers Chloe had asked her to fill out.

Beca Mitchell. Chloe’s already so interested in her.

They start with 10 girls on invitation night. The next day, two girls are dismissed, breaking their Bellas promise of not sleeping with a Treblemaker.

Beca didn’t think that shed be joining a female acapella group, and actually taking part in it. Her dad had told her that if she tried her first year, and she still wanted to become a DJ in LA despite trying hard to participate in college life, that he’d let her. That was the biggest reason that she had joined the Bellas, and second being that Chloe, the girl who had caught her at the activities fair, and barged into her shower, was kind of hot. Maybe some hot girl motivation couldn’t hurt. Right?

After the incident at the Semi-finals of the ICCAs, she was definitely getting banned from the group. They had fallen in third place after Beca had sung bulletproof during their set. Aubrey had gotten angry, and she had gotten accused of sleeping with Jesse by her. She was for sure banned from the group.

Thats what she thought, when she got a message from Chloe during the break. The Bellas were back in the Finals, and that she wanted Beca to join the practice on Monday. She thought she was going to be banned, so the message took her by surprise, but talking it through with her dad, she had decided she would go back to practice.

She walks into the auditorium 15 minutes late, when Aubrey is puking her head off, and all the girls are trying to get ahold of the pitch pipe.

She stops the whole argument, and the group shares an amazing moment and the next second, Aubreys tossing her pitch pipe over to Beca. She mis-catches it, and it lands in the pile of puke. Gross.

They head to the pool and have an impromptu mashup session where they find their harmony. They all hug, and Beca somehow catches a glance at Chloes wrist, which says BM. She tries to shake it off of her mind, but she fails.

Chloe had a BM on her wrist, and Beca has a CB. Could this mean that they could be soulmates? But Chloe hasn’t ever said that she was gay, and didn’t she have a boyfriend in the shower that day?

Beca tries to forget.

She really tries.

Beca didn’t believe in soulmates. At least that’s what she had thought. Right?

When she gets back to her dorm after practice one day, she tries to work on her mixes.  She can’t seem to concentrate on anything. Chloe had looked at her more than usual, and Beca was getting nervous. Did she have something to say to her?  Had she done something wrong?

Thats when she gets a knock on the door. Its usually Kimmy-Jin’s friends, so she lets the girl answer it, but to her surprise, what she hears next is a voice that belongs to Chloe.

“Hey Beca. Can I talk to you for a second?” She asks, and Beca looks at her from her desk.

“Yeah. Sure. What’s up?”

Chloe frowns, “Outside maybe?” Beca nods, getting up and walking out the room.

“What’s  up?” Beca asks the ginger as she walks down the hall, and out the door, and she knows she’s heading to the Bellas house. The Bellas had a house, the house Tri Delta had used before moving to a new buildings. It was basically a sorority house, and they were allowed to move in from sophomore year.

“What’s up with you? You’re acting strange lately. “ Chloe says to her.

Beca shrugs. “Its nothing.  N-nothing in general. “ She answers nervously.

“You saw my initials didn’t you?”

Shit. Had Chloe seen her that night?

“You did, huh?” Chloe says turning her wrist to show Beca. “Look, I saw yours in the shower that day. CB. Right?”

Beca nods, a bit more comfortable.

“And you’ve been thinking about this, correct?” She asks her. Beca nods again. “That we have each other’s initials.”

“I don’t even believe in soulmates…..”Beca mutters, looking into Chloe’s eyes.

“They don’t have to be relationships, you know.”

“Yeah, have you seen anyone with a soulmate friendship? They always end up dating, or getting married, or whatever. “Beca scoffs.

Chloe doesn’t say anything. She can’t find anything to say. She tries, but no words come out.

“See. And I don’t believe in this whole soulmates bullshit anyways. Can I go now?” She doesn’t wait for Chloes answer, and just leaves the building, leaving Chloe behind her. She doesn’t know why her aches so much, but she pushes her feelings down, and goes back to her room, crawls into bed, and lets her tears shed. Why was she crying right now?

Chloe stands there in silence, not being able to say anything. She doesn’t know how long she’s just standing in the doorway, until Aubrey comes back from her meeting with her professor.

“God, Chloe. You almost gave me a heart attack. Chloe? Chloe!” She holds on to her shoulder and shakes her.

“Huh? Oh, it’s nothing. I’m just a bit tired.” She shakes it off, trying to escape from Aubrey’s tightening grip on her shoulders.

“Oh bullcrap. I know you so well Chloe.” She scoffs. “What’s wrong Chloe? Is it Tom? Because if he’s hurting you, I swear to god Chloe, I’m gonna kill him….”

“No no. It’s not Tom.”

“What is it then? Its Beca isn’t it? Oh my god Chloe. It is! What happened with ear monstrosities?”

“Nothing. Can you leave me alone?” She runs up to her room and slams the door shut, and bursting into tears. Why did she have to be like that to Aubrey? She knows she shouldn’t have, and she’s regretting it so much. And she shouldn’t have confronted Beca. Now she had ruined her relationship with Beca and Aubrey.

Somehow, she’s managed to fall asleep, and she’s woken up with a gentle knock on the door. “Chloe. I’m sorry about earlier. Can I come in?” She hears Aubrey’s voice. She gets out of bed, and opens the door.

“Chloe I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have stepped in. I just don’t want you to get hurt, you know.” She say, giving her a hug.

“I know Bree.” She sighs, burying her face in Aubrey’s shoulder.

“Do you like her Chloe?”Aubrey asks, and she doesn’t even need to answer. “I know Chloe. It’s okay.” She rubs her back as Chloe sobs into her shoulder.

Beca ’s about to miss two days of classes when her father comes in to her room. “Beca. Wake up. Beca?”

She flutters her eyes open. “Huh?”

“Beca. What’s wrong? I know you’re upset at me but you’re upset for a whole another reason. What’s up?”He asks.

“NOthinggggg. Just some soulmate bullshit.”

“Beca, are we talking about me and your mother, because…” He tries to start but Beca intervenes.

“No. It’s not about you and mom or you and Sheila. It’s about my soulmate. That is, if there is even one anymore.” She scoffs.

“Who do you think it is?”

“Chloe.”

“Chloe in the Bellas. Chloe Beale?” He opens his eyes wide. “Oh Beca. That’s great!”

“No it isn’t. I just messed up our whole friendship. I just yelled at her and ran off.” She says looking down.

“Oh Beca, go talk to her. You might even find out that she’s not even your soulmate.” He says patting her on her shoulder. “Now go talk to her or go to your philosophy class.” He says to her and leaves the room.

Now Beca had no choice. She had to go see Chloe. Right? She gets up, takes a shower and gets ready to head to the auditorium to find Chloe.

Chloe decided that she would keep skipping practice until she was okay, and that probably meant for eternity. That’s why she’s surprised, when she hears a knock at the door. It couldn’t be anyone other than Aubrey, right? But Aubreys at practice right now, and she always texts before she comes back, asking if she needed anything from the mini-mart. That meant someone else was at the door. Right? What if its a…..

“Chloe?” The door opens and Chloe jumps, but there she is, Beca Mitchell, standing in front of the doorway of Chloe’s room.

“Oh my god Beca! You’re gonna give me a heart attack!” She says now trying to calm herself down. Her heart was pounding and it didn’t seem to stop. Was it her being scared, or was it because Beca’s here?

“I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you. I went to the auditorium, and you weren’t there. Aubrey gave me her keys and told me you were here.” She says as she slowly steps into the room. “I should’ve called. Or whatever….” She mutters, waiting for permission to come into the room. “I needed to talk to you.” Chloe shifts in her bed, making room for Beca to sit, and she takes it as an go sign to walk into the room.

“What’s up?” Chloe says in her most normal-im-okay-but-kinda-not tone.

“Soulmates.” She just says, looking at Chloe.

“Soulmates.” She repeats. “What about them?” She grips her fist tight, nails turning her palms white as she clutches. She’s nervous. She didn’t realize it until now, but she’s nervous. She’s nervous about what Beca is going to say. How it might change their relationship forever. How it might just come crashing down.

“What do you think about them? Do you believe in it?” Beca pauses. “Do you think we are?”

She’s been waiting for her to say this to hear her say it. She looks into her eyes. Beca’s beautiful blue eyes are twinkling. her tears are just barely there, right before spilling out of her eyes.

“Beca. I can’t. I can’t anymore…. I can’t pretend like we don’t have chemistry. Like we aren’t meant to be. I can’t do this anymore. Please tell me if I’m crazy, and I’m the only one feeling this between us. Because I’ll stop. I’ll stop if this is just me. So tell me. Am I the only one feeling our chemistry? The way sparks fly when we look at each other, how we slipped into it own world, that days in the shower? Tell me. please….” Chloe lets her tears spill out of her eyes, down her cheeks, and onto the comforter.

“Chloe….” Beca says, looking into her eyes, with her own tears down her cheeks. “I’m messed up. I’m damaged goods. You don’t want me….”

“I do though Beca. I really do. I can’t fight this anymore.”

That moment, no-one really knows what happens, or who kissed who first. It doesn’t matter anymore. Their lips touch, and their hands are around one another, and it’s perfect. No-one could break this moment.

“I love you Beca. I can’t help but love you.” Chloe smiles as she says so, lips still touching.

“I think I love you too Beale.” Beca chuckles.

“You THINK!? Beca THINK!? You don’t love me?” Chloe pouts, jokingly pushing her away.

“Yeah, yeah, fine. I love you Beale. There! Happy?” She says pecking her lip once again.

They’re kissing each other back and fourth, enjoying their moment together when they hear a knock on the door, and then the door opens.

“Finally. What took you so long?” Aubrey chuckles as she looks at them from the doorway.

“Nothing. Beca just had to realize that I was here.”Chloe chuckles as she pokes the younger brunette.

“Heyyyyyy!” Beca pouts, burying her face in Chloe’s hair.

“You two are disgustingly adorable. Don’t hurt her Beca. Or else, I’ll hunt you down and murder you. I’m not kidding.” Aubrey ays as she walks out.

“I love you too!” Chloe giggles kissing Beca’s head. “So are you going to come back to practice now?” She asks as she wraps her arms around Beca and pulls her down to her bed, making them lay down.

“Yeah, I guess so. I mean, you’re gonna drag me to them now right?” Beca asks, lifting her head up, and looking at the ginger’s eyes.

“Yup. That’s totally going to happen. But don’t worry. It’ll be worth it.” She gives a quick peck on the lips. “So, does this mean you’re gonna be mine girlfriend?”

“Um…… I guess?”

“Um… YOU GUESS!? Seriously? Get out of my room!” She jokingly pushes the brunette off of her.

“Sorry! Sorry! I would love to be your girlfriend. “ She says to her, trying to not get pushed off of the bed.

“Awwwww. Yay!” She wraps her arms back around her.

“Love you too. “ Beca says laying back on top of her.  She didn’t believe in soulmates before, but now she did, and it’s a good change for her. She knows she’s going to be so much happier, and maybe Barden wasn’t that bad after all.

She then realizes that Chloe’s a senior.

But right now, it doesn’t matter, she presses a gentle kiss on the ginger’s lips and closes her eyes, falling asleep.

[incomprehensiblelentils]

Lentils’ 2020 Christmas Movie Rankings

My wife and I watched a lot of Christmas movies this year, and I thought it would be fun to rank them based on which ones I think were most watchable and enjoyable. I’ve left out a few that we watched during this time period, which are classic Christmas movies (Miracle on 34th Street), action movies set at Christmas (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and Iron Man 3), or older romances set around Christmas (While You Were Sleeping and You’ve Got Mail), because it’s not fair to rank these amongst, well, some of the movies we saw.

my top 5, for those of you who don’t like reading (which is fair): The Princess Switch: Switched Again, Dashing in December, The Princess Switch, Jingle Jangle, Happiest Season.

my top 3 Chaotic Christmas Movies: A New York Christmas Wedding, 12 Pups of Christmas, The Princess Switch: Switched Again. Please watch these movies if you enjoy chaotic plots. Please especially watch the first two I listed because holy shit my summaries do not properly convey the chaos.

The Princess Switch: Switched Again (2020): Some people on the internet have been VERY RUDE about this movie and I’m sorry they don’t appreciate a true chaotic holiday gem when they see it. This movie involves two Vanessa Hudgenses, Scheduled Vanessa and Spontaneous Vanessa, who are distant cousins and not twins, switching places to try to facilitate Spontaneous Vanessa getting back together with her ex the baker, but Scheduled Vanessa is intercepted by a third cousin Vanessa, Horny Vanessa, who wants to take Spontaneous Vanessa’s place as queen. I don’t want to spoil anything that happens in this movie so that you can experience the batshittery for yourself, but I found every second absolutely delightful. It also has two very good romantic couples who are cute and who genuinely seem to like each other, which is not something I can say for every movie on this list!

Dashing in December (2020): This movie has gay cowboys, is set on a ranch, and features a squaredancing scene, so if that isn’t your bag, you are probably not going to like it very much. I found it deeply charming and the only reason it isn’t #1 is that three quarters of the way through, the lead suddenly turns back into a giant jerk for no real reason and that was very upsetting. But it all works out in the end. The main romance is very cute, there are horses, the horsemanship doesn’t totally suck ass, and there are some fun side characters. It’s not reinventing the wheel, but it’s pleasant.

The Princess Switch (2018): Again, some people are mean about this movie and they shouldn’t be because it is CUTE GODDAMMIT. It is absolutely The Prince and the Pauper but with two Vanessa Hudgenses, but also, it shows the aforementioned two good romantic couples falling in love and they are delightful. I am not saying this is a great masterpiece of romance, but the filmmakers actually tried to give these characters reasons to like each other, which, again, is not true for some of the movies on this list.\

Jingle Jangle (2020): I kind of feel bad putting this movie on the same list as TV movies that were obviously just shit out by Hallmark or whoever, because this clearly had a lot of love and heart put into it, and it really shows. I was so immediately charmed by this movie that I didn’t even mind when it immediately went in very silly directions. I don’t know if the plot makes sense at all (a cute robot shows up for seemingly no reason other than that cute robots are fun!) but it doesn’t have to, because everyone is having so much fun and there’s so much joy in this movie that I was just happy to be along for the ride. Also, I would love to see an entire movie in the stop-motion style from the opening scene.

Happiest Season (2020): I absolutely understand why some people didn’t like this movie, and I don’t want anyone to feel like they can’t dislike it, and also, it’s MY movie, and I love it, and I’m not interested in fighting about it. It helped me come out to my parents and also featured two of my faves kissing and that’s all I need. 

Noelle (2019): I was previously under the impression this movie was bad, and I don’t know why, because it’s a little embarrassing and cheesy at times, but it’s sweet. I suspect what will make or break it for you is if you like Anna Kendrick, and because I like Anna Kendrick, I like watching her play a neurotic Claus sibling trying desperately to fix the problem she accidentally caused. One weird thing though: this movie tried to convince me about halfway through that she was both spoiled and selfish, and I don’t actually think that’s true at all. I think she was a little naive and sheltered and wanted people to like her way too much, but she’s not really shown to be a selfish person - she’s constantly paying attention to other people in the real world and her brother is the one who refused to admit that he wasn’t cut out for the Santa gig and instead fucked off to “find himself” or whatever. It was weird! But anyway, I liked this movie a lot.

I’ll Be Home For Christmas (1998): So this movie...one Christmas Eve when I was in high school, I was having trouble falling asleep for whatever reason so I went downstairs to get some water. My mom happened to have the TV on and this movie was just starting, and she invited me to join her. Fun fact: this movie went to theaters and it stars Jonathan Taylor-Thomas and Jessica Biel. It is one of the dumbest movies I’ve ever seen in my life and at no point does anyone in it actually behave like a human being. It’s about a smooth-talking jackass who has to be bribed to come home for Christmas and then, after one of his dumbass moneymaking schemes lands him in hot water, he gets abandoned in the middle of the California desert wearing a Santa suit and glued-on beard. He then has to beg, lie, and cheat his way home for Christmas dinner so that his dad will give him a vintage Porsche they fixed up together. I have no defense for this character; he is insufferable and only becomes marginally less so by the end of the film. But also, I have to watch this movie every year (usually with my mom, although not this year for obvious reasons) or it doesn’t feel like Christmas. 

A Cinderella Story: Christmas Wish (2019): We own this on DVD and have seen it three times. In our defense, we wanted to support Gregg Sulkin from Runaways and Isabella Gomez from One Day at a Time, both of whom feature prominently in this movie, and also sing songs. This is just Cinderella But At Christmas, and if that doesn’t sound like fun to you, I don’t think anything I can say will change your mind. I will say that the songs are amusingly autotuned, there’s a disabled dog that’s very cute, and I personally think that the leads have slightly better chemistry than some of the pairs on this list. But it is literally just another Cinderella Story movie.

The Knight Before Christmas (2019): This movie is Thor (2011) But At Christmas, and it would have been slightly higher except I always forget about the plot where at the end the knight becomes a cop. Bad, obviously! But anyway, the plot of this movie is: nice but clueless dude crash-lands on Earth for Reasons and bumbles around trying to figure out what’s up, while falling in love with a nice lady. That’s just Thor and you know I’m right. And for as dumb as this movie is, at least it’s ambitious. I have learned that Christmas movies can do one of two things to please me: a) have actors that have decent chemistry and charm and are fully committed to whatever nonsense is going on, or b) have absolutely batshit chaotic plots. This movie is like a 4 out of 5 on the chaos scale and I like it a lot, besides the copaganda. I hope this also gets made into a trilogy and Cole isn’t a cop anymore.

A Christmas Prince 3: The Royal Baby (2019): I will get into my problems with the first two Christmas Prince movies later, but my main criticism is that they are kind of boring and not chaotic enough. This one decided to make up for that by incorporating a missing ancient treaty, a curse, and a ghost, as well as a subplot about Girl Power (I use this semi-ironically) and a subplot about cousin Simon potentially committing treason again. I was so excited that things were happening in this movie the first time I watched it that I may be a little biased, but oh well. Oh, I was also absolutely terrified it was going to be racist and it is...mostly not? There are a few questionable moments but like mostly it’s fine.

Christmas With the Prince (2018): I wanted to watch this because the summary on Netflix did not match the summary on Google at all, and that’s because, uh, they’re both sort of right? Ostensibly this movie is about a pediatric oncologist who comes back into contact with an old almost-flame, who just happens to be the prince of a tiny European country, because he fucked up his leg and needs somewhere private to stay. And apparently a pediatric oncology ward is the best place for that? But then after they fall in love this random Russian lady shows up and is like “that’s my fiance.” This happens maybe twenty minutes from the end. Anyway, this movie isn’t great but I liked the lead guy way more than I thought I would and it has some cute kids in it.

A New York Christmas Wedding (2020): I...am at a loss for words to describe this...motion picture. On the surface it is a cute idea: a young Black woman, Jennifer, is getting married to her boyfriend on Christmas Eve, but she’s given a chance by her guardian angel (stay with me) to go back in time and redo her life, after losing touch with her childhood best friend, Gabrielle, who she was always in love with but never confessed her feelings to. She wakes up in an alternate timeline, where she and Gabrielle have been together for years and her beloved father is still alive. Then the movie, uh...veers off into some very odd places! They go to their Catholic priest and ask him to marry them, and he is like “but the Bible” and they are like “but that’s bullshit” and he’s like “shrug” and then later during a sermon he’s like “actually that IS bullshit, everyone gay in this church come stand up here with me. We love you. Also we’re going to perform a wedding now” and then he marries Jennifer and Gabrielle. And then Jennifer’s angel shows up and is like “you have to choose between this life and your old life now” and then uh...I really hate to spoil this next thing. It is the weirdest choice I’ve ever seen a movie make and if you’re even the slightest bit interested in this movie, I think you should experience this plot point for yourself. I’m going to put the batshit spoiler in ROT13 in case you want to avoid spoiling yourself. (GJ: fhvpvqr) Wraavsre'f thneqvna natry erirnyf gung ur vf gur fba bs Tnoevryyr, jub va gur bevtvany gvzryvar tbg certanag nf n grra naq ure snzvyl frag ure gb n ahaarel. Fur zvfpneevrq naq fhofrdhragyl qvrq ol fhvpvqr. Uvf anzr vf Nmenry Tnovfba. Anyway, uh, this movie isn’t very good, unfortunately, the adult leads have no chemistry and Gabrielle’s adult self is actively unlikable (the teen versions of them are cute!), but I think it’s 1000% worth a watch for the sheer chaos of it all. I...recommend it for that, I guess? Oh, also there’s a sex scene that plays a slow sexy version of “O Christmas Tree” in the background and I felt like I was losing my mind. 

A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding (2018): As I said in my commentary on the third movie in this series, the worst sin this movie commits is being kind of boring. It also manages to make the romantic hero, Richard, even worse than in the first movie, where he was just kind of useless and petulant, because in this movie he is actively failing to do anything to revive the failing economy of his country. I have seen people complain that the prince in The Princess Switch and Cole in The Knight Before Christmas have no personalities; they are delightful compared to the wet paper bag of a man in this movie. Rose McIver is adorable and I don’t think any of this is her fault, she’s doing her best in these movies, but woof.

12 Pups of Christmas (2019): The Google summary of this movie, which we found on Hulu, is this: “Struggling to keep his dog GPS locator company afloat, Martin expects his new hire, Erin, to help him save the company and find homes for 12 puppies that were left behind after a photo shoot. As they work together, Erin and Martin begin to discover each other's positive qualities and find love just in time for the holidays.” My wife and I love dogs, so we put this on, expecting cute dogs. This movie contains approximately 80% chaos and 20% cute dogs. It opens with our heroine, a canine therapist, coming home from work to have dinner with her fiance and best friend. We find out that Erin and fiance are moving to California soon for her new job (they live in New York). Fast forward a few days to their courthouse wedding, at which point her fiance and best friend confess to having an affair, and she is dumped. Heartbroken, she moves to California alone, and ends up moving into the company-provided house. It is just a two-story house (??) that the CEO’s sister owns (???) and rents out to employees (????). Also Erin is, as the Google summary says, expected to come up with some grand idea to save the company. And there are 12 random puppies also. They are cute puppies. Oh, also Martin, the CEO of the dog collar company, hates dogs for some reason. Martin’s sister is aggressively friendly towards Erin in a way that I interpreted as sapphic. At one point, after they find a home for dog #3, Erin’s former BFF shows up on her doorstep (?????) begging to be let in. She insists that the fiance was also two-timing her, and she has proof that he had FIVE OTHER GIRLFRIENDS ALL AROUND THE COUNTRY - “that’s why he’s a traveling businessman”!!!! Erin never asks to see her proof, but I guess she believes her, because she lets her inside and then makes her take care of the remaining eight dogs out of spite. I guess they make up at some point. Anyway, somewhere in here Erin and Martin are starting to fall in love and also come up with a way to rebrand the business, so hooray for them. We also learn that the reason Martin hates dogs is that his beloved childhood dog, uh, ran away? Disappeared? Got eaten? He insists that “not knowing [what happened to him] was the worst part,” but I was out here expecting to see the child finding an actual dead dog like it’s John Wick or something so this was a little anticlimactic. They go on a business trip to New York talk with Important Japanese Investors, during which they fuck (it is? romantic? allegedly?), and then the morning of their meeting Erin’s shitty ex shows up in the hotel lobby to bother her. Martin decks him square in the face for not leaving her alone, and then someone calls the cops, because I guess this movie said ACAB, and both dudes get arrested and Erin has to do the presentation alone. And then in the last five minutes Martin gets out of jail and Erin says that she gave the presentation to the investors...in English, and their translator was twenty minutes late, and so the investors understood none of what she said. Thankfully we are spared actually seeing this “joke,” but they do play racist music over her explanation. Then Martin reconnects with his rich dad who bails out the company instead, and also he adopts the four remaining dogs. This movie was fucking bananas and very bad and I need more people to understand exactly how bad. Watch this movie.

A Nutcracker Christmas (2016): Amy Acker has two Christmas movies and this one seemed more palatable than Dear Santa, so here we are. I like to watch Amy Acker be cute and dance, and she has an adorable teenage niece in this movie that she’s helped raise. In this movie she’s a former ballet dancer whose sister (hilariously, one of the Wynonna Earp lesbians) died in a tragic car accident, and she never got to dance the part of the Sugarplum Fairy. Spoiler alert: she gets to by the end of the movie. Unfortunately the love interest is basically Satan incarnate and does not deserve her at all, so unless you like yelling at romantic leads I can’t really recommend it. 

Godmothered (2020): This movie is just, uh, Enchanted but worse, and also it should have been sapphic and it isn’t? Poor Jillian Bell is doing her best and is adorable, but it’s not enough to save this movie for me. If Disney were not cowards she would have fallen in love with single mom Isla Fisher. Oh, it also ends with the very white younger daughter doing a public cover of “Rise Up” by Andra Day that the audience joins in on, which, considering its use in the BLM movement the last couple years, felt, uh, not great to me.

A Christmas Prince (2017): It’s maybe not far to compare this to the rest of the Netflix Christmas Cinematic Universe, because it was the originator. But also, it’s pretty boring. Sorry. Simon, or Fiddles (Fake Hiddles/Tom Hiddleston) is the best character.

Married by Christmas (2016): Apparently an alternate title for this is The Engagement Clause, which is sort of funny. Anyway, this has Jes Macallan and we, being big fans of Legends of Tomorrow, lost our shit when we found this on Christmas Day and had to watch it. The plot is that Jes’ character runs the family business, but their shitty grandma died and left a clause in her will where the business goes to the husband of whichever granddaughter gets married first. You would think that Jes’ sister and her fiance would postpone their Christmas Eve wedding to give Jes time to set up some kind of platonic wedding for business purposes, since Jes’ entire life is this stupid business, but nope, they immediately turn into monsters who are determined to get their hands on the business for ???? reasons???? It’s not very good, as you can tell by how low it is on the list. Jes Macallan is not a convincing straight businesswoman. I wouldn’t even really enjoy this movie as an Avalance AU.

A Princess for Christmas (2011): Here we are, the worst one Christmas movie I watched this year. I don’t actively harbor any ill will towards Katie McGrath, although I confess to feeling a bit “her?” but it’s fine. I was hoping this movie would enlighten me to her appeal. Instead, this movie actively got on my nerves in multiple ways, including trying to pass Katie McGrath off as a normal American retail worker instead of an Irish vampire/sorceress/supervillain/fairy/whatever she is. Her accent is shockingly awful, which I’m not sure is actually her fault, is there a reason her family wasn’t just British? That wouldn’t have saved the movie but it would have made it just slightly more palatable. At every turn it makes the worst choices, including a scene where Katie’s character puts on a rap song and she and the prince dance to it in an attempt to show them “loosening up,” and then the mean grandfather comes in and demands that they “turn this ghetto music off.” YIKES. I know these movies are the whitest movies ever by design but was that racism necessary? The only Black people I actually saw in this movie were some of the servants, I think? Speaking of the servants, at the end of the movie there’s a grand ball and Katie’s dress gets fucked up, and she’s about to leave the country, and then the servants are like “don’t go! We pooled our money to buy you another nice dress!” which, also yikes! This movie has a real classism problem. It also was so boring I zoned out of it multiple times, and I have sat through Manos: The Hands of Fate and Birdemic multiple times. This movie has no chaos whatsoever and I hated all the characters. 0/10 do not recommend under any circumstances.

[linskywords]

Wolfverse Advent: Day 24

[Note: I decided to write a brief snippet for each couple so far for Christmas Eve, and they somehow (ha ha ha) got long. After the cut!]

December 24, 2019

Coralie wants to stay up and watch for Santa. “But Gabi told me she did it when she was little!” she says when Jamie tries to get her to go to bed.

“Gabi also told you she was way older than you when she did it,” Jamie says. Actually what Gabi said was that she was so sorry she’d said anything, but that part was only to him and Tyler.

Coralie puts her lower lip out. “But I want to see Santa.”

“Santa only comes to good little kids who are asleep in their beds, remember?” Jamie says. “Come on, baby Theo was in bed half an hour ago. You don’t want him to be the only one who gets toys, do you?”

Coralie pouts for another minute. “Fine,” she says finally. “But I want to go on the airplane again.”

The airplane is Tyler, who’s lying on the rug next to the Christmas tree, giving the kids airplane rides on his feet. He has Anna up in the air now, his hands on hers and his feet holding up his belly while she shrieks in delight. Tyler sees Jamie looking and zooms her to the ground. “Oh no, everyone, the airplane’s crashing!” he says.

“No, you’re not!” Peter says.

“Totally crashed,” Tyler says, sprawling out bonelessly on the rug. “Look, everything’s broken.”

The kids start testing his limbs for breaks. Tyler grins up at Jamie, his hair rumpled and his shirt riding up and his scent bright with happiness. Jamie leans down and kisses him on the mouth.

“Ew!” the kids chorus, and Tyler tugs Jamie down so he’s lying next to him on the rug, displacing Daniel and Lyra.

“Wow, it’s just so comfy here,” Tyler says. “Your dad and I might just stay here all night.” He winks at Jamie.

“You know, that sounds great,” Jamie says loudly. “I mean, Santa wouldn’t be able to come, but you don’t mind that, do you?”

“No!” Coralie shouts. “You have to go to bed!”

Jamie looks at Tyler. “Hm, I don’t know. What do you think?”

Tyler stretches. “I’m pretty comfortable here.”

“Come on, Dad, come on,” Coralie says, tugging at his sleeve.

They end up being towed upstairs by the kids. “Come on, we have to hurry so that Santa can come,” Peter says while they change into their pajamas and brush their teeth.

“Uh-oh, Jamie, do you think they have time?” Tyler asks.

Jamie checks his watch. “He is supposed to show up pretty soon,” he says, and Lyra shrieks with her head halfway into her pajama top.

Five minutes later all five of them are lying in a row on the bed. “I think that’s the fastest bedtime has ever gone,” Tyler whispers to Jamie after they’ve kissed everyone goodnight.

Jordie and Jess come out of the room next door, where they’ve been getting Theo down. He’s still too young to share a room with the others, but they’re thinking maybe this spring. “Did they actually go to bed on time?” Jordie says. “Does this mean we don’t get to return their presents to the store?”

“We’ll see if they stay there all night before we throw out the receipts,” Tyler says.

Jamie wraps his arms around Tyler from behind and rests his chin on his shoulder. He kind of wants to get Tyler alone and finish the kiss they barely started on the carpet downstairs. But also: it’s Christmas Eve. There’s a tree downstairs and candles in the windows and a couch that’s calling their collective name, not to mention a tree that needs presents piled underneath it. “Eggnog?” he says.

“Bring it on,” Jess says, rolling up her sleeves.

***

“But I don’t get why Molly and Kayla aren’t here,” Violet says.

“Because they have families of their own to go to,” Patrick says. “It’s Christmas Eve, so they want to be with their parents.”

“But we’re their family,” Eric says. “They should be here.”

Patrick gathers the two of them into his arms. They’re five and a half, and getting too heavy to lift more than one at a time, but it’s still just about doable. “Families can have lots of different parts that do different things sometimes,” he says. “Molly and Kayla love you and will be so excited to see you again in a few days.”

“No,” Violet says, and starts crying.

She’s overtired. Patrick’s parents and sisters are staying with them, which means the kids have been running around all day, and the quadruplets haven’t been taking regular naps since they started kindergarten this year. “Hey, why don’t we go read a story?” he says.

By the time they finish reading about Polly Diamond and her magic book, Violet’s conked out, and Eric and Luke and Sophie are nodding off. Patrick’ll give them an hour and a half; any more than that and they won’t fall asleep tonight.

He’s just made it out of their room when his phone rings. He listens for a while, then says, “Of course, sure,” and goes to find Jonny.

Jonny’s in the living room, holding down the fort with the older kids and Patrick’s family. “Okay, who let him play Monopoly?” Patrick asks when he comes in the room.

Jonny shoots him a glare. “Shut up, I’m winning.”

“We don’t say shut up to each other,” Jackie-the-younger sing-songs from the couch, where she’s curled up with a book.

Erica laughs. “Oh man, you guys so deserve this. I love it.”

“Can I steal you for a minute?” Patrick says to Jonny, and when Jonny looks a question at him: “Molly just called. They’re coming back here.”

Joe sits up with a yelp. “What? They’re coming back?”

“Yup, should be here soon,” Patrick says to Joe, and jerks his head to Jonny to join him in the other room.

Jonny listens to what Molly told Patrick, and his expression slowly darkens. “Those fuckers,” he says.

“I know. I thought they’d gotten over it,” Patrick says. It makes him remember how lucky he and Jonny are: neither of their families had any problem with the gay thing. Not to mention the wolf thing, which Molly and Kayla still have to deal with a little, if only indirectly through their jobs. Patrick’s dealt with some crap in his life, but it could have been so much worse.

Molly and Kayla show up a couple of hours later and get mobbed by kids. “We thought you went to your other family!” Violet shouts while she jumps up and down, hugging Kayla’s leg.

“Nope, we’re gonna be here with you instead,” Kayla says.

They both look a little done with the world. That’s probably what happens when you drive multiple hours to be with one set of your parents for the holidays, get yelled at for half an hour for being married to another woman, and turn right around and drive back. Patrick gives both of them a really long hug. “Go hang out in your room if you want, we’ve got things taken care of down here.”

The rest of the day is a whirlwind of church and dinner and trying to convince nine kids that they don’t need to stay up to watch the end of A Christmas Story. Patrick’s family is staying at a hotel—they have guest rooms, but not enough of them for five extra people—so after the kids go to bed it’s just Patrick and Jonny and Molly and Kayla.

Patrick gets out the wine. “You guys don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but also feel free to rant,” he says.

“Ugh, I don’t even know where to start,” Molly says.

“They’re my parents, I’ll do it,” Kayla says, and gives them what’s probably an edited version of what her parents said to them.

It’s rough, and she starts crying. Patrick ends up hugging both of them and also sniffling a little because that’s how he does things. “Thank you so much for letting us come back here,” Molly says. “I know you already have a lot of people in the house. It means a lot.”

“Of course. You’re completely welcome,” Jonny says, but there’s something else coming through the bond—like he doesn’t quite mean it. Patrick shoots him a sharp glance but doesn’t get a response.

He asks him about it later, when they’ve gone up to bed. “What? No, of course I’m happy to have them here,” Jonny says.

“You’d better be. They’re the best,” Patrick says.

“No, obviously, it’s just—” Jonny pulls off his socks. “They’re sitting there fucking thanking us for letting them into our home. Where they live forty-eight weeks out of the year.”

Patrick’s missing the point here. “And…”

“And they should think of it as their home by now.” Jonny throws his shirt into the hamper and looks at Patrick. “I want to invite them into our pack.”

He’s saying it defiantly, like he expects Patrick to argue. “Okay,” Patrick says after a minute.

Jonny raises his eyebrows. “‘Okay’?”

“Okay, we can talk to them about that,” Patrick says. “I think it would be awesome. Obviously. They’re part of the family by now. But they might not want to. I mean, it’s their jobs, they might not want to blur the lines like that.”

“Yeah, I thought about that, but we can work it out,” Jonny says. “They practically raised our kids. I want this to be their family. If they want it to be.”

“Yeah.” Patrick grins and pulls Jonny down onto the bed. “Yeah, we’ll ask.” They’ve got a pretty great pack. He can see how someone might have their reasons for not wanting to join it…but honestly, he doesn’t think that’s what’s going to happen.

***

Being in Arizona is weird. Like, it’s great that Taylor and Ebs get to keep playing for the same team, but…it was rough, having to move the kids. The house doesn’t feel like theirs yet. And the weather is all wrong. It’s not natural for it to be fifteen degrees Celsius at Christmas.

At least things should feel more normal once Sarah gets home. Taylor gets that this whole college thing is important, but it’s just weird, not having all their kids in the house.

Althoough he kind of wishes Sarah were coming back alone.

“What do you think he’ll be like?” Ebs asks while they wait around for the Lyft to get here.

“I don’t know,” Taylor says. “Isn’t it just, like, super soon for her to bring someone home?”

Ebs gives him a sly look. “We adopted kids six months after we got together.”

“Yeah, but we were different,” Taylor says, shoving him and then putting his arm around Ebs’ waist.

The Lyft pulls up a few minutes later. The guy who gets out after Sarah is skinny, dark-haired, wearing a t-shirt that’s way too big for him. Taylor definitely didn’t look that young when he was nineteen. Maybe ever.

“Sarah!” Charlotte shrieks, and runs out of the house into Sarah’s arms. Sarah laughs and catches her, and Sarah’s boyfriend picks up her bag along with his own and waves at the Lyft driver. Taylor likes him marginally more.

Sarah gets to the front door, and Taylor and Ebs engulf her in hugs of their own. She looks good: her hair is streaked with blue and green and purple, which looks awesome, and her face is a little less thin than it was when she left for school. She’s all smiles for them, and for Charlotte, and for her teenage brothers who are drifting down the stairs.

“And this is Nick,” she says, dragging him forward, and Taylor feels Ebs go rigid.

He sees it, and he also feels it through the bond. He can’t tell why, though. The bond is annoyingly imprecise that way: he can tell that Ebs’ heart is racing, that he’s struck with—horror? Anxiety? Fear?—but he can’t tell exactly what it is, or what’s causing it. He shoots Ebs a look, but Ebs isn’t looking back at him. He’s staring at Nick, and at Sarah.

Taylor takes charge of welcoming them and tries to be extra warm to Nick to make up for the way Ebs is just staring. Then, as soon as Nick and Sarah go upstairs to put their bags away, he pulls Ebs aside.

“What the fuck is wrong?” he whispers. Whispering is always a questionable strategy in a house full of wolves—Taylor can never quite guess just how well they can hear—but also: what the fuck is wrong?

“They’re,” Ebs says, and then words seem to fail him. His eyes are all big and buggy. “They’re bonded.”

“What?” Taylor says. He looks around, like Ebs could even possibly be talking about someone else. “What? No, they only just met, like, four months ago.”

“They’re bonded,” Ebs says again, and Taylor knows better than to doubt Ebs on wolf stuff. But also: what.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Sarah says when they get her alone twenty minutes later.

Ebs still seems to be stuck on partial-shutdown mode. Taylor isn’t in shock to the same degree, but also, he’s not sure he totally believes it. “What did…how?” he asks.

“We didn’t mean for it to happen,” Sarah says. She’s looking at them a little defiantly, her chin up. “It just did.”

“Wow,” Taylor says. He glances at Ebs. He kind of wants him to say something; this is his territory more than Taylor’s. “Is he, uh, is he a good guy?”

“He’s the best,” Sarah says. “He’s a freshman, too, and he’s studying marine biology. He’s getting great grades, and he’s super responsible, and—”

“And he bonded with you after four months,” Ebs says.

Okay, Taylor no longer wants Ebs to say something. Sarah’s face goes immediately into fighting-with-parents mode. “It wasn’t like that,” she says.

“There are things you have to do to bond,” Ebs says. “You can’t tell me it happened by accident. You should both have known better—”

“We weren’t even dating!” Sarah bursts out.

Ebs pauses at the outburst. Sarah’s face goes very red. “I mean—we weren’t hooking up, even, or anything,” she says. “We were just friends. And—”

Something passes over Sarah’s face. Taylor’s hit with instant recognition: he remembers that feeling. He remembers feeling something very like it when he lived with Ebs that first year, before they were together, when he didn’t think there was any hope for them getting together but he wanted Ebs so bad he thought he would die of it. He takes an involuntary step toward Sarah before catching himself. He wants to let her finish what she’s saying.

“It was really bad,” she says. “I thought—but then he felt it too. And we figured it out.” Her eyes are bright. “It’s so good now, Dads. It’s—it’s better than anything.”

Taylor looks at Ebs. His expression is stricken. “And—you’re happy?” Ebs asks.

“I’m so happy,” she says, her voice catching. “I’m so happy.”

Taylor can’t help it. He has to hug her. A moment later Ebs joins him, both of them with their arms around her.

“Then I’m happy for you,” Ebs whispers into the hug. She’s crying, and they both start, too. They stand there for long minutes, hugging, with tears streaming down their faces.

***

It takes months for Alex and Dylan to decide on Christmas plans, mostly because their families don’t seem to get why they don’t want to spend it apart. “You guys have only been together for like ten months,” Ryan says. “You can be apart for three days.”

Yeah, they technically can. They wouldn’t die or anything. “Maybe we’re being silly,” Dylan says to Alex after they’ve gotten pushback for a few days.

“No, we’re not,” Alex says, like it’s that simple, like they don’t need to even think about the possibility. Dylan’s glad he’s saying that but still kind of antsy about it.

When he talks to his mom, though, she understands right away. “Of course you don’t want to spend Christmas apart,” she says. “Don’t worry. We’ll figure something out.”

In the end, the DeBrincats end up coming to Toronto for the break so they can all spend it at the Stromes’. Dylan feels a little self-conscious about it in the days leading up to the break, but when Christmas Eve rolls around and he and Alex get to snuggle on the same couch and watch It’s a Wonderful Life with both their families around them, and later when they get to go up to bed together, he knows they couldn’t have done it any other way.

“Remember Christmas last year?” he asks Alex when they’re in bed, waiting to fall asleep.

“Mm. What about it?” Alex asks.

“You called me, to show me that thing your dog was wearing,” Dylan says.

“Oh, yeah.” Alex laughs. “That was so dumb. I just—I did it to hear your voice.”

“It was, like, the only thing that kept me going,” Dylan says. “I was such a mess for those three days.”

Alex has his hands in Dylan’s hair, fingertips rubbing Dylan’s scalp the way he likes. “My mom asked if I was getting the flu, I was so out of it.”

Dylan can still remember it, viscerally: that choking feeling in his gut, like he couldn’t get enough air or food. Like something was slowly drawing the life out of him. “Let’s never spend it apart again,” he whispers.

“You’ve got a deal,” Alex says, and rolls on top of him to kiss him soundly.

***

Sid and Geno spend Christmas Eve lying in front of the fire, just the two of them. There’s some Christmas movie on in the background, but Sid isn’t really watching. He’s paying attention to the feeling of Geno’s chest rising and falling behind him, to the way Geno’s softly tracing patterns on his arm.

“ESPN finally realizing what Geno always knows,” Geno says.

“Huh?” Sid must have drifted off for a minute there. He realizes the Christmas move is over, and there’s a news program saying something about hockey. “Oh. The list?”

“Sid best of decade,” Geno says smugly.

So many people say so many good things about Sid all the time. But still, somehow, Geno saying them always makes Sid want to duck his head, embarrassed. “It’s just a list,” he says, heat coming into his cheeks.

Geno takes his shoulder and presses him back against the rug. Then he levers himself on top of him. “No,” he says. “Sid best.” And Sid would try to protest, but it’s hard to make a coherent argument when you’re being kissed that thoroughly.

Sid decides there are some things worth conceding. For the greater good.

(master post)

[thetaylorfiles]

Hey there!

I'm sorry to disappoint you. I guess the biggest issue is I have come off incorrectly to being with. I'm a gaylor fantasizer, and I have an inkling kaylor was a thing, whether it still is or not is fun to speculate, but I'm in no way shape or form a serious kaylor, let alone a hardcore one.

Let me warn you this will not be in depth with specific lyrics, photos, instances, etc etc. I will write you a long post one day (especially after the doc - I'd love to see if that quote of her defining herself is in context/even real*) I just have a lot in life that prohibits me from sitting down and spending the kind of time I want to in articulating my thoughts and gathering the 'proof' as to where I saw it, why I believe it, etc. I mentioned, I'm not a hardcore fan/gaylor/kaylor/etc so I don't have files of evidence saved to pull out at a moments notice, if you know who I mean 😉.

That said, lets address a few things that sway me towards a not-fully-straight Taylor Swift. I have done some digging and unfortunately cannot locate this interview again, but I once heard an interview with jack antonoff discussing his work and who he prefers to work with. They were talking about a different artist when the interviewer casually mentioned working with Taylor as well. Jack proceeded to say he prefers to work with gay women. The interviewer started to prod asking if she was gay and he had to backtrack. I so badly wish I could find this again and if anyone has seen it, please send it to me or TTF!

Next is, admittedly an old video, of a british boy band being interviewed, and the interviewer asks the one lad of he's going to "get a beard like Taylor swift". Most of them are too young and don't understand, but the one leans over and explains it. I do believe it was during haylor, and this more proves to me that she definitely participated in relationships set up by her management (pr relationships, if you will). It doesn't conclusively prove gaylor, but it does hold weight for me in regards to her participation in PR relationships.

I am not naive enough to believe that Taylor was unaware that the day she released a song and video titled "ME!", draped in rainbows and pastels and cats, all the things that make her her*, was Lesbian Visibility Day. Taylor is not naive enough to NOT be aware that it was that day, I refuse to believe that. She is smart, calculated (in the best way), she is a planner, and she is AWARE. I fully believe in my heart this was intentional.

Like I mentioned above, I would love to see the documentary and see what the quote actually is. If she says that gay pride defines her, I find that very hard to spin as any allyship and not identifying as within some corner of the community.

I believe that she started very young, and yes the pressure she highlights in the documentary to stay a nice, quiet girl in regards to her democratic views, might possibly have also included pressure to identify/portray a certain lifestyle. I do believe that lots of her lyrics lend themselves rather easily to a queer reading regarding secret love than just a superstar having to hide her straight, white, male, love. I do believe that she is smart enough to build her PR relationship to cover her real one (now that she has someone cooperating *cough*CH*cough*).

I also believe I could be totally wrong and she's head over heels in love with Joe Alwyn.

Either way, I do not know her at all, so I'm not really all *that* invested. I'd like her to be happy, just like everyone else in the world. I'd also love to see her be a part of this supposed 'me too' movement that is apparently to come regarding bearding in hollywood. I think it would shake up what a lot of people think they know about someone - even though she herself told us all in the rep prologue that we don't know her at all.

Hope this clears things up and doesn't leave you as disappointed as last time!

🧘‍♀️

————

Submission

———-

Hi!

So I set this aside because I wanted to give you proper time and thought and then got distracted and got more asks than I can keep up with and this got lost in it and I forgot and I’m so sorry. So here we go. I never meant to ignore you and I’m so sorry I did.

Okay, so I posted the interview with Jack and transcribed it. What do you think now? To me, he’s not referring at all to Taylor. He says he prefers working with women. Then he says he prefers over that, gay women. The interviewer then makes the leap to ask about if Taylornis gay and Jack doesn’t backtrack AT ALL he simply states that she’s not without a change of cadence to his voice. He’s not caught out at all. So what are your thoughts now upon hearing it again?

As for Me! On Lesbian Visibility Day, just curious if you’d ever heard of this day before the Kaylors found it. If you have, then let’s talk more about it. Because I haven’t. I’ve dated women I have more gay friends and lived in WeHo and worked at the Gay and Lesbian Center in LA but have never heard of it. So if you have? Let’s talk more. But if you haven’t, I’m not sure why you’d expect Taylor Swift to have heard of it.

I, too, believe that she is smart enough to build a PR relationship to cover a secret one. Absolutely. We agree on that. And while I’m sure some of her lyrics lend themselves to queer interpretations I’d argue that many straight artists do too but that doesn’t make them gay.

I think what I like most in everything you’re saying is that you’re not that invested in whether or not shes gay or if she had something with Karlie. Because I was under the impression you were much more of a dedicated Kaylor. So knowing that you’re more of the having fun speculating and are cool with whatever kind is actually very reassuring to me. I like the kind you are. Or rather, I don’t mind it at all. You are not the kind I have any issue with at all. I knew I liked you for a reason!! Hahaha.

So now that you’ve seen Miss Americans, what are your thoughts? Are you more convinced that she’s gay and Joe is fake? Or less convinced? Would love to hear your thoughts!! 😘

[shkspr]

Pt 1: WARNING AND DISCLAIMER: epic highly ignorable essay incoming. Also I know nothing about Taylor Swift personally and her sexuality is her business, I just wanted to make a song interesting to me and it went better than expected. SO I’m finally listening to ‘Lover’ and I gotta say—‘He Knows’ is one of the least interesting songs *until* you pretend it’s from the perspective of a lesbian mocking men for assuming they have power over her.

Pt 2: For starters, try exchanging “I think he knows” for “he thinks he knows” and see what happens. Then consider that for a song supposedly about her being head-over-heals, any information about her emotions is almost entirely filtered through what he believes. Now this is the stretchiest bit, but even the “He got my heartbeat” verse, which seems most blatant, is curiously phrased ... *is* her heartbeat skipping, or is he imagining it—

Pt 3: ie he’s “got it” skipping in his own mind, where after all the rest of this song is located? This is more striking when compared to the preceding verse, in which “He got” indicates not something he accomplishing (ie, making her heart quicken) but merely something he has in himself—in this instance his appearance. This throws into question the perspective of rest of the verse, and even without that, it’s so curious—“Got that, oh!” Could almost be “oh you think you’ve got that, eh?”

Pt 4: Then the reset: “I mean,“ ie, ‘in other words,’ followed by “wanna see under that attitude”—deeply ambiguous; does he want to see or does she? Either way what would they find—there is no confirmation it would be love and not indifference on her side or arrogant self-absorption on his? And finally, “Like, I want you, bless my soul” could that sound more performative, even without the double-meaning of ‘like’ as ‘likeness, being the appearance of something without being the thing itself'.

Pt 5: And if such is the case, the only part you are left with that is certainly from her perspective is the “he got that boyish look” verse, which—hoo boy. Setting aside that the very next song specifically states suspicion of boyish men while on the other hand gnc woman are frequently described as ‘boyish’, we get “I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans,” which says nothing about what her plans are, only that for all his ‘knowing’ she is the one in control. This is reflected in the car—

Pt 6: in which she asks him where they will go, and he believes he knows the answer, but in reality she is the one driving, and she never states her intentions nor assents to his assumption. Next comes “no one understands” which in a song all about a man who assumes he understands her feelings without her having spoken them is just, *ALL the side-eye*.

Pt 7: Finally, this big picture reading contextualizes a series of details: “his footprints ... lead to where I can’t stop” which if you pay attention actually implies she’ll walk right on by without stopping when she reaches him. Then “I don’t gotta tell him” from a woman whose songography revolves around songs of emotion that might be hidden from the world but she passionately speaks or wishes to speak to her lover, and which really kinda sounds like a deeply sarcastic “why should I tell you?

Pt 8: You’re so convinced already” to someone whose got it all wrong. And then her entering his home results in her taking control (again) of the space and *him* wanting *her* to stay—yet the converse is never acknowledged. Also “he better lock it down / or I won’t stick around” like??? And of course “he’s so obsessed with me, and boy I understand” which only acknowledges her understanding of his obsession and by no means must indicate that she returns it.

(conclusion to the Swift rant coming an hour later because i managed to meet the anon limit and tumblr made me wait, i am so very sorry for my incredible verbosity): "Finally, driving is described as, “following the sparks,” implying the sparks are in fact *not* in the space they occupy?? In conclusion I’m not saying Swift necessarily intended anything like the meaning I just described, I’m just saying I’m a petty gay and this song is mine now.

listen first of all never ever apologize for shit like this bc i eat it up and im so enthralled. youre absolutely right and i applaud you. thank you very much for blessing me with this important thesis i am honored. you are truly braver than any of the armed forces im so proud of you keep up the good work you funky little gay seriously this was such a fun thing to wake up to 

[niki-writes-stuff]

Liist of my wip's! (August 2019)

Hello there! I'm Nicola! I mainly write contemporary YA stuff (mostly read that, too!), that feature all of the lgbt rep I'd like to see but don't :)

The following is a list of my current wip's, along with a quick summary of what they're about! If anything here interests you please don't hesitate to ask about it! I love talking about anything from characters to plot and it helps me build ideas when I'm talking to someone else :)

The History of Great Thing That Have Happened to Great People: Taylor, convinced of his extremely bad luck, isn't expecting to catch the eye of Patrick, who's extremely out of Taylor's league in every way that counts. Taylor is convinced their whirlwind summer romance will be regulated to just that: the summer, because with their insanely different lifestyles, coupled with living on opposite ends of the country, and Patrick's slightly obsessed ex, theirs no way they could make it work long term, right? Right?

One More Minute: Kat signs up for a competition that wins her an hour long skype date with her celebrity crush, Harley. Kat can hardly believe it- clearly this is a sign they were meant to be together. Battling demons of her own while being forced to maintain her public image all at the age of 19, Harley is infatuated with Kat from the first minute they spend talking, but she's reluctant to drag the starry eyed, optimistic girl into her world.

For The Throne: The unprecedented assassination of her brother, Jude, just days before his wedding, leaves Genevieve in the position she never envied him: Atop the most powerful and coveted throne in the world. As her relationship with American journalist Eva Letman comes to light, Genevieve faces opposition from both outside and within the palace, forcing her to question her place as a Monarch and her ability to rule. Jude's widowed wife, Sarah, carrying his alleged unborn son, is the power hungry daughter of the Prime Minister, and she's determined to regain her position in the palace, whatever it takes. As the investigation into Jude's death goes underway, and England is sent into a disarray over Genevieve's reign, old and new secrets begin to reveal themselves, threatening to bring down the entire Monarcy down with them.

Title TBD: Hedley knows vampires exist: they have to. She's spent her entire life learning everything she can about them, and in the depths of her research she found solace from her life in a children's home. As she turns 18 and the system prepares to spit her out onto the streets, Hedley goes to the only place she's ever felt at peace: Hartman's Hallow, rumored to be home to the last existing vampire coven in North America.

Title TBD: Skye Nolan has a plan. He's counting down the days until he can start HRT, while trying to survive living with his father and soon to be step-mom after his mother's career takes her to New Zealand. It probably wouldn't have been so difficult, except he also has to handle having a crush on his long time friend, Caden Montgomery, who Skye isn't willing to risk losing over anything. Skye is convinced that a relationship with Caden is completely out of the question- until suddenly, it's not. Caden returns from music camp with the news that he's broken up with his boyfriend, and his sudden availability pushes him and Skye to testing the boundaries of their frriendship.

Who We Were: Noah Hapstall's plans to enjoy his freshman year of university take a sharp turn for the worst when his ex girlfriend reappears in his life after being gone for over a year. Melanie had previously been nothing more than the embodiment of everything Noah despised, the wounds she left cut deep and not even his current seemingly iddylic relationship could heal them. He swore he would never let her back in, but his parents' divorce and the increasing distance between him and his boyfriend, who's currently studying in another state, leaves him vulnerable to Melanie and her typical manipulation. As Noah unwittingly becomes more involved in her life, he is forced to remove his rose tinted glasses and examine the world as it really is, for all the lies, secrets, and pain it holds.

Who We Want To Be: Sylvie Montgomery has had enough of living in the shadow of her celebrity father, her perfect twin brother, her genius best friend and even prodigy violinist younger sister. She doesn't know who she is without the people around her always overshadowing her, and so she jumps at the opportunity to find out when she's offered an internship far away from home: in the city of love, Paris.

Where We Began: Tessa had her heart broken when her girlfriend of two years broke things off out of the blue. But now Hanna's back, begging for a second chance, and Tessa is unbelievably close to giving in. She never really got over Hanna, and maybe they can make things work again, if only they could get over all the baggage their history brings with it.

Rules of The Road: Five best friends go on a cross country road trip the summer before departing for college. They must navigate the rules of road while discovering things about themselves, and each other, that will either tear them apart for good or make them stronger than ever.

Rules of The Game: High strung student body president Sophie ends up tutoring Oren Black, the school's laid back, fun loving quarterback.

Rules of the Heart: After coming out as gay, Alexa goes to live with her father in Oregon and ends up falling for Harley, who recently got out of an abusive relationship.

Title TBD: Broadway actress Olivia (Liz) Chandler meets Tomi Reign, the socialite daughter of Liz's new director. Sparks fly immediately, and supposed-to-be straight Liz can't deny that she has feelings for Tomi. Tomi herself is intrigued by Liz, who's cheeky and flirty personality is far from Tomi's usual type. But her usual type.... usually leaves her heartbroken and alone. She's more than happy to play along and be Liz's pet project as she explores her sexuality. It's not like she has anything better to do. Except things take a turn when real feelings begin to get involved, and neither of them really knows how to react to it.

All We Have (8 part series): Follows the life of childhood best friends, Aaliyah, Nicky, and Ryan, as they navigate their tumultuous familial, platonic and romantic relationships. Spans over the course of several years, from their early teens to their late 20's.

The Other Life: Penelope Carmichael has lived in the shadow of her best friend Kris Johnson for as long as she can remember. Kris is popular, beautiful, and perfect, and while Penn tries to be happy for Kris' success', she finds it difficult to shake her jealousy. On the eve of their 17th birthday, Penn and Kris get into a car accident, and Penn wakes up several weeks later to find herself in Kris' body, and her own nowhere to be found. As months go by and Penn remains trapped, with the real Kris seemingly gone forever, she slowly allows herself to adapt the life of the girl she always envied. However, Penn quickly begins to realize that Kris' reality may have been far off from the one everyone believed her to have, and that underneath her facade of perfection lies the haunting and tragic truth of a girl Penn realizes she never really knew.

UnSavior (stand-in title): 5 years after saving her world from imminent doom at the age of 16, Lina packs up and transports herself to another dimension: Earth, with the sole purpose of having a normal life where she isn't regarded as a Hero. However, her arrival to Earth has consequences. Lina doesn't realize that her absence from Ethera sparks an uprising amongst the warring nation of Xaida, who lost the Battle 5 years ago. Furious at the way they've been treated since and determined to avenge their fallen, those left of Xaida want to secure a better future for themselves, and they see Lina's absence as their opportunity. As Lina becomes more and more infatuated with her new life on Earth, caught up in the new experiences and friends it brings, a full out war is on the brink of breaking out in Ethera, and her old mentor Azi attempts to seek her out to draw her home to stop it before it has a chance to begin. But Lina has other plans; she still hasn't fully recovered from the scars the Battle left her with, and she doesn't want to leave Earth and the sanctuary she found there. As a revolution stirs up in Ethera, Lina must question everything: her identity, her loyalty to her nation, and the very people who made her who she is.

Title TBD: 4 college students recieve a series of mysterious emails from an anonymous sender, instructing them to commit several atrocious acts over the course of one night (12 hours) or risk having their secrets, each more damning than the last, revealed to the world.

[thekatemarlowe]

Thoughts: TAYLOR JENKINS REID’s The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo

**SPOILERS**

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo is Taylor Jenkin Reid’s 2017 novel following the fascinating life of a Hollywood starlet whose many relationships kept the world riveted for decades. Evelyn, in her later years, invites magazine reporter Monique Grant to help tell her life story and throughout the novel we get flashbacks into Evelyn’s history and learn about the hows (and whys) of each one of her marriages while at the same time going through the journey of her greatest love in life.

The story touches a little on grooming in Hollywood, abusive relationships, and focuses on what was considered forbidden love when a majority of the novel takes place. Being Gay was rejected in society and our main characters had to find strategic ways to remain connected to their truest selves, while not losing the careers they has built. I loved Reid’s Bisexual representation, giving Evelyn a unique perspective into the LGBTQIA Community that we rarely get to see.

Wwwhhhyyyyyyyyyyy was I sleeping on this book!?! I added this book to my TBR list when I heard about it early last year but kept putting other stories ahead of it until this month when I decided to pick it up and I’m absolutely GUTTED that I didn’t read it sooner, this book was FANTASTIC! I loved the different voices used for each character including Evelyn young vs. old and I ADORED the relationships between Evelyn and her husbands, each one so unique. The twist at the end and the significance of our reporter Monique being such a close part of the story was just a massive cherry on top of one of the tastiest cakes I’ve ever devoured. And when I say devoured, I mean it! I read this book in less than 24 hours, picking up the physical copy and immediately downloading the audiobook when I had work to do. It was one of those stories where I just NEEDED to know, CRAVED the full story, truly couldn’t get enough.

I think my favorite character was Evelyn’s greatest and final love, Celia. These two women were pioneers in the starlight movie industry and found some of the purest loves most never are lucky enough to experience. It was torturous to see how they had to hide this magic from society and Celia was so strong from the start, willing to risk it all. I admired her passion but understood and then rejoiced when they were able to find the perfect situation for themselves and their respective partners. For Celia, the end was not kind, but she stayed graceful and was wrapped in Evelyn’s arms as she passed. AND THAT TAG LINE AT THE END!!!! I just broke when Evelyn uttered “…they will be much more interested in my wife.” GAH! Of all the husbands that passed through Evelyn’s life, truly her wife was the most extraordinary.

The reviews alone should convince you that the book is worth your time. One thing I’d love to note about the reviews is how often you see the question: “Was Evelyn Hugo a real person?” The author works at intertwining real events in Hollywood history with the events of Evelyn’s life so you question whether this could be reality (side note: it is not, this is a work of fiction!). Reid took the drama of Elizabeth Taylor’s life, the sex of Sofie Loren’s and the purity of Debbie Reynold’s and turned it into this beautiful AND GAY story of everlasting love.

I would usually find something wrong to give balance, but this is one of those stories that I had so much fun reading, I’ll put it with the small stack of books labeled “absolute perfection”

[bisluthq]

hi I was wondering what your favourite sapphic songs of Taylor's are? cause kaylors make such a big deal of the 'male perspective' in songs like our song, love story, mine. and I agree that wanting to experience that is gay in itself. but those songs just feel so straight country love songs that I really cannot see them as sapphic, particularly given that she also sings from the 'female perspective' to the man. so I wondered which songs feel most sapphic to you?

Ohh boy yeah the male perspective (except Betty where it’s gay in concept and feels very like when 15 year old me was obsessed with Blue Mountain State lmao) never screams gay to me. Let’s do a roundup of sapphic lyrics and themes.

In Teardrops on My Guitar, Taylor says: “Drew walks by me... Can he tell that I can't breathe? And there he goes, so perfectly... The kind of flawless I wish I could be.” Now the whole song’s unseen pining is pretty gay to me. Like I say, there are unrequited straight songs but it’s very like... “why aren’t you understanding that I’m right here? How can you be so blind?” In Teardrops Taylor seems very aware that this person (well boy in the song) won’t ever notice her.

And sure we could say “well she has poor self-confidence” but then there’s that line in the bit I chose: “The kind of flawless I wish I could be” - why is she comparing herself to a boy? Do I want to be you or do I want to fuck you is such a big mood for queer women especially young queer women. I dunno, like my first few late elementary/early middle school crushes (and my first few crushes were on girls) were very like: “Do I want to be her? Do I want to be her best friend? Or do I want her to hold my hand? And why does her holding my hand make my heart beat faster and seem to have no effect on her?” There’s a definite way queer women compare ourselves to the object of our affections that straight women don’t seem to do that makes “my crush is the kind of flawless I wish I could be” feel extremely sapphic to me.

Oh bonus one from Teardrops: “The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star / He's the song in the car I keep singing. Don't know why I do” - why doesn’t she know? Like what’s confusing about this situation? She likes this dude why is it such a big fucking deal that she does? And again why does she want to be like him?

Anyway yeah that whole song.

Also Invisible is gay af. Like if you reverse the pronouns it’s the universal queer woman’s story of being in love with your friend. And this bitch is into some dude who isn’t anywhere near good enough for her and your affections are invisible but if she only knew - and she won’t - the two of you could have something beautiful together.

Stay Beautiful also reads gay but apparently she wrote it in the fourth grade so maybe her vocab was just bad idk.

On that album, Tied Together with a Smile and I’m Only Me When I’m With You are formally, officially, according to Tay’s explanations about her female friends btw. If you listen to those two songs and then the first two I listed they’re... not that fucking different lmao. It’s that same idea of “you get me and I just want you to be happy”. It’s all just... gay...

Fearless is probably one of the least gay albums overall IMO (tho I’m open to people making stuff gay) but it does give us the title track which is very fucking gay lol so it makes up for the number of straight sounding songs on here. First there’s this bit:

We're drivin' down the road

I wonder if you know

I'm tryin' so hard not to get caught up now

But you're just so cool

Run your hands through your hair

Absent-mindedly makin' me want you

Man “I wonder if you know” is exactly that feeling I was describing like, I wonder if you realize this is more than friendship? I wonder if you know that I want you. And the “you’re just so cool” isn’t as explicitly “I want to be you” but it’s also got some of that shared energy. This person is so cool that them running their hand absent-mindedly through their hair is making her feel some type of way and yet she’s not sure if the person knows that. Now why wouldn’t this extremely cool guy know that the girl he’s giving a lift to is possibly interested?

Then there’s this bit:

My hands shake

I'm not usually this way

But you pull me in and I'm a little more brave

It's the first kiss,

It's flawless,

Really something,

It's fearless.

Why does this first kiss require so much bravery? It’s not her first ever because “I’m not usually this way” implies she has been in a similar position before. And then:

And I don't know why but with you I'd dance in a storm in my best dress

Fearless

“I don’t know why” - well because you like this person! Girl, you’re into them. Oh, you’re not sure why because it’s a girl? Also lbr discussing clothes with your crush/partner is a very gay girl thing so just that addition of “my best dress” in the context of the rest of this incredibly gay song is... gay...

Oh and a bonus point:

'Cause I don't know how it gets better than this

You take my hand and drag me head first

Fearless

Making that big a deal of handholding and saying it requires bravery is, you guessed it, gay af. 

Untouchable also delivers some gems: “Untouchable like a distant diamond sky / I'm reaching out and I just can't tell you why / I'm caught up in you” - I mean this is that whole vague confused forbidden vibes I spoke about before and the “And when you're close I feel like coming undone”. For me, it’s the fact that this person’s mere presence is enough to make her undone and she’s begging for a “taste of Heaven” feels... gay...

Jump Then Fall is also pretty damn gay to me. It’s got that dangerous “this could be dangerous” thing going on (“I had time to think it all over and all I can say is come closer”) but it’s also positive and... she’s saying jump and I’ll catch you which... like I get that it could be metaphorical but generally with het couples the dude would do the catching. Like if it was just that it’d not be that gay but again, the whole thing... is...

Whoa, oh, I need you baby

Don't be afraid, please,

Jump then fall

Jump then fall into me

Baby, I'm never gonna leave you

Say that you wanna be with me too

'Cause I'mma stay through it all

So jump then fall

Jump then fall, baby,

Jump then fall into me, into me

Like why are they both so scared? Why is she convincing herself and this person? What’s the danger? Is it just meant to be a “loss of virginity” song?

Then there’s the catching bit I mentioned:

The bottom's gonna drop out from under our feet

I'll catch you, I'll catch you

When people say things that bring you to your knees

I'll catch you

Idk man. It’s gay.

By the way for two unrequited songs that fundamentally feel straight to me, look at The Other Side of the Door and You Belong With Me. I’m not saying you can’t have queer readings. But both of them have that “blame” angle to the guy’s lack of interest or inability to requite her feelings. Like she’s saying “I won’t tell you what I want or that I want you but you should figure it out ya big dummy!” which is inherently different to that “I know this is completely pointless and I’m barking up the wrong tree” energy of the other songs I mentioned. “I’m worried you’ll hurt me” songs are also different to “if you stand close to me I’ll completely fall apart but I can’t let you see” of... like... Untouchable.

Hey Stephen has the “I can't help it if you look like an angel” line but it’s generally straight for me because:

Hey, Stephen,

I could give you fifty reasons

Why I should be the one you choose.

All those other girls—

Well, they're beautiful,

But would they write a song for you?

Do you see what I mean it’s like “I know you might not want me but you should” and that’s not a sapphic vibe. Like that’s to me what makes her gay sounding songs so much gayer like they capture a very specific feeling - being confused on if you want to be her, be her friend or fuck her dumb ass.

On Speak Now Taylor adds another type of gayness into her repertoire. She does the “I’m singing about a guy but it’s all about a girl” thing in Better Than Revenge. Now I know she has been called out a lot for this and she herself has now said obvi girls don’t steal your boyfriend BUT that’s not the part I find interesting. It’s shit like: “She thinks I'm psycho 'cause I like to rhyme her name with things” - like girl, that is psycho. Being obsessed with the fact that she is wearing vintage dresses is weird. And Taylor does this in the title track with her lengthy descriptions of the bridge compared to ZERO description of the guy. Not even “looking so handsome” - like there’s nothing. But the bride is “floating down the aisle like a pageant queen”.

Idk this is only three albums and only like my favorite gay bits and I already have so many and I haven’t even gotten to Treacherous 😭 I think I should make a hashtag for this and carry on later.

The point is, for me, it’s not about her singing a back and forth with a guy and a girl. It’s capturing supremely sapphic wlw feelings that I’ve never seen a straight female songwriter or musician convey, even where I’ve loved their music and felt it strongly resonated with me for other reasons.

[that-curly-haired-lesbian]

Queer Analysis - Should’ve Said No

As promised, here’s the second analysis of the day: Should’ve Said No.

This song was actually quite hard for me to find a queer angle to, by all appearances it seems Taylor’s been cheated on and that her partner cheated with a girl. That girl is the only one given a pronoun throughout the song, both the I and the you are kept gender-neutral here and of course the hetero interpretation is that poor Tay’s boyfriend cheated on her with another girl, but since the “boyfriend” doesn’t have a pronoun “he” might as well be a “she” right? Okay, so maybe Taylor’s girlfriend cheated on her with a third girl? Sure, that’s queer, but changing a pronoun that was never even stated in the first place doesn’t make for much of an analysis, does it?

Then it hit me, what if Taylor isn’t the I in the song, what if she’s you, what if Taylor is the cheater! It seems like a reach given how much Taylor talked about that infamous boyfriend who cheated on her in high school, right? Well, reach or not, it sure makes for a compelling queer analysis to assume this song is about compulsory heterosexuality, so here we are.

Before we start I wanna state that this is one way to interoperate this song, there are a million more I’m sure, but this is my suggestion. Also I’m obviously not accusing Taylor of being a cheater or condoning cheating in any way shape or form, this is just the most interesting queer way in which I could think to look at this song.  

So let me explain this idea for a second…In previous analysis we’ve discussed the way Taylor tends to step into “the guy’s” shoes in order to sing about girls in a safe, #NoHomo way; like how she proposes to Juliet in Love Story or tells us that she fell in love with a careless man’s careful daughter in Mine for example.

However, Should’ve Said No is different, in this song Taylor is singing from her male love interest’s perspective throughout the whole song. In this theory “I” is a boy and “You” is a girl, but not a female love interest she wants to get away with singing about in a gay way. No, in this song the girl is actually Taylor herself. This might be the only time Taylor is singing about herself from a boy’s perspective in the way the hets claim she does all the time whenever she sings about a “she”, but unlike those other examples where the hets would apparently rather claim she’s a huge narcissist than consider that perhaps she’s in love with another girl, the way Taylor sings about “You” (herself) here is in no way flattering. Let’s get into it.

Lyrics credit to AZLyrics.

–

It’s strange to think the songs we used to sing

The smiles, the flowers, everything is gone

Yesterday I found out about you

Even now just looking at you feels wrong

–

So in the beginning of the song poor “I” has just found out that “You” cheated on them (or for the purpose of this analysis, “him”) and is now telling Taylor (aka “You”) that all the romantic memories he has of their time together are ruined. The flowers he gave her, the songs they sang together and the smiles that he interoperated as mutual attraction, it was all a lie and now he can’t even look her in the eye. In short, she’s not who he thought she was, because it would seem their entire relationship was nothing more than a display of compulsory heterosexuality on her part.

  You say that you’d take it all back, given one chance

It was a moment of weakness and you said, “Yes.”

–

In many of her early songs Taylor stated that she would change herself a bunch to fit into the heteronormative expectations people at school put on her, even down to the way she walked or talked (the unreleased song My Turn To Be Me is perhaps the best example of this.)

She did all this to get “the popular kids” to accept her. Is it then so completely unreasonable that she had a period of time during which she tried her hardest to be straight as to be more included at school? Perhaps as this song would suggest she even went and got herself a boyfriend during this time, thinking she could hide the “reckless” part of her that wanted to be with girls.

When her boyfriend then found out she’d cheated on him, which is bad enough, but on top of that it was with *hetero gasp * A GIRL. Boyfriend understandably questioned this and Taylor, immediately apologizes.

She’s horrified at no longer being “straight-passing” and probably also feeling bad that she dragged this boy into this, a boy she most likely liked perfectly well as a friend which is why she choose him as her “boyfriend”. As many people trying to convince themselves and others that they’re straight often do she probably confused the friendship feelings she had towards this boy with romantic ones. However by “leading the boy on” she’s now hurt his feelings AND outed herself in the process and so she tells him that it was a slip-up and that she said yes to this girl during “a moment of weakness”  aka when the desire to act on the gay became too strong, that it didn’t mean anything and that she’s still “straight”.

Don’t forget that according to peeps in the L chat (maybe not the most resalable of sources but they do have SOME tea ☕️) Taylor had gay rumors and specifically “pillow princess” ones at school, meaning she’d be with girls and let them “do all the work” so to speak, but never return the favor. Because then, in her mind (as in many people’s minds when they’re going through compulsory heterosexuality) as long as she didn’t do anything to the other girl it “didn’t count” and she could still cling to the “straightness” she so desperately wanted to live up to.

–

You should’ve said “No”, you should’ve gone home

You should’ve thought twice ‘fore you let it all go

You should’ve known that word

'Bout what you did with her’d

Get back to me (get back to me).

And I should’ve been there in the back of your mind

I shouldn’t be asking myself, “Why?”

You shouldn’t be begging for forgiveness at my feet…

You should’ve said “No”, baby, and you might still have me

–

In the chorus the boy questions why, if Taylor is indeed actually straight like she claims, why didn’t she just say no to the other girl? Why didn’t she at least think about the fact that she had a boyfriend before she agreed to do anything with the girl? Why didn’t she just go home? If she is indeed straight why does she even have to apologize to her boyfriend, why didn’t she just say no to the girl in the first place, why wasn’t the fact that she had a boyfriend enough reason to do that? Essentially, “Why can’t she just BE straight when she’s trying so hard to ignore her attraction to girls??”

Well, maybe at the time Taylor didn’t even know the answer to all that herself, but I do and it’s called compulsory heterosexuality, it’s very common for lesbians to go through a big part of their lives having convinced themselves and everyone around them that they’re straight when they’re not. The heteronormativity in society is so deeply ingrained that stuff like that actually happens (x)

–

You can see that I’ve been crying

And baby, you know all the right things to say

But do you honestly expect me to believe

We could ever be the same?

You say that the past is the past, you need one chance

It was a moment of weakness and you said, “Yes.”

–

Taylor, seeing that she’s hurt her boyfriend’s feelings tries to reassure him that she’ll never do what she did again, that it was a one-time thing and that she really wants them to pretend it didn’t happen, she’s “so Not GAY, or anything” after all. Well, while she may sound convincing (she does have a way with words) the boy tells her that he doesn’t think they could ever go back to being what they were before, not now that her true colors (no pun intended but 🌈🌈🌈) have been shown. Taylor again tries to argue that it’ll never happen again and that she only said “yes” to the girl in a “weak moment” aka one where her “straight persona” that she was keepiing up both for herself and others failed in the face of temptation. She’s attempting one last time to convince both him and herself that she isn’t gay and can in fact be in a hetero relationship and have that be enough.

–

(Chorus)

–

I can’t resist

Before you go, tell me this:

Was it worth it?

Was she worth this?

–

Not convinced that he should take her back the boy can’t resist asking Taylor if being with a girl was worth ruining the relationship she had with him? Was it worth shedding her perceived “straight-passing” for one fleeting moment with a girl?

It’s interesting that the person “You” cheated with is the only one in the entire song to get a pronoun, either that’s because Taylor’s #NoHomo:ing as usual since giving “You” a female love interest immediately makes them A BOY (just like giving You a GIRLFRIEND in YBWM immediately makes them a boy to the heteros) or it’s somehow significant that the person “You” cheated with was a girl specifically, maybe because “You” is a girl too?

–

No… no, no, no…

–

Taylor’s response to the question is no, perhaps because she’s still clinging to the idea that she COULD be straight if she tried hard enough, or because she’s sad she hurt the boy by doing this to him? Either way we then launch into the final chorus where the boy (and maybe even Taylor, in all her frustration at herself) once again questions that if it wasn’t worth it, then why couldn’t Taylor just say no? welcome to internalized homophobia and compulsory heterosexuality, kids! It’s fun and can make both you and everyone around you feel shitty and confused because of your actions, it’s a gay old time!

–

(Chorus)

–

Thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed this even if it was a bit more far-fetched than usual, anything to add a queer twist to the songs, right? Don’t be afraid to suggest other Taylor songs for me to take a queer look at 😊

The next song on the list is All Too Well

[flowerangels]

ok just kidding the one @katkomskaikru tagged me in is a little different so for the sake of completion I’ll answer the rest of the questions in this that weren’t on the other one but I’m not gonna tag any new people bc I just tagged 20 so @ yall if you want to do these questions too be my guest

I was tagged by the awesome @luna-wanheda.

1. Name: Bridget

2. Gender: female

3. Orientation: heterosexual demiromantic/demisexual

4. Favorite TV Shows: The 100, brooklyn 99, parks and rec, the office, the good place, sens8, psych, so you think you can dance, and im trying to decide if I still like how to get away with murder but I loved the first season and am trying to fall back into it, etc theres more I’m just ashamed with how many shows I like 

5. Favorite Book: As a kid it was this book “when you reach me” by rebecca stead I’d highly recommend no matter what age you are (I’m saying this bc I don’t definitively have a favorite book currently)

6. Favorite Season: spring except fuck allergies

7. Favorite Scent: flowers and the ocean and fresh air

8. Favorite Fruit: apple

9. Star Sign: I’m like 99% sure its taurus please dont ask me to be more specific I dont know and I dont know how to find out the details

10. Favorite Color: teal/aqua

11. Dream Trip: switzerland (again) or icelad :)

12. Height: 5'6"- 5′7″ ballpark

13. Stupidest things I’ve ever done: theres so many!!! o god probably take 4 ap classes at once in conjunction with a dual enrollment college credit course and 3 other full courses I was miserable bc I also do theatre and a shitload of other extracurriculars that eat up all of my time so those shenanigans really drove my anxiety to the edge and revealed at the ripe young age of eight-fucking-teen that I have add but am so high functioning that nobody realized until I literally had no time in my day and that this was only being worsened by the fact that I have an attention disorder and struggled to focus on completing my work in the time I did have so I just didnt sleep for more than an hour for like two months and then when I did start to sleep my anxiety would wake me up before I could even fall asleep because I would launch into a panic attack that I had more to do anyways wow that turned into a rant if I’ve ever seen one shout out to you if you read this lol but yeah that was pretty stupid of me

14. Favorite Animal: puppiesssss

15. Favorite Fictional Characters: Love of my life, bellamy blake

16. Favorite Movie: o god I literally am a movie fiend and I think I’d be betraying so many if I only wrote one/a few

17. Favorite Band or Musician: Don’t come for me but I’m a taylor swift fiend!!! I also love hozier and the griswolds

18. Ever been stood up?: I’ve never had a date so I couldn’t have been stood up #lifehack

19. Last kiss: DEADASS NEVER IM 18 AND NOT TRAGIC LOOKING WHY IS THIS

20. Make a question up- favorite rumor youve heard about yourself: in my small town for a while people were convinced I was dating my friend (actually this has happened multiple times I think its wicked funny) like the first time it was me and one of my close guy friends but hes very gay and neither of us had ever expressed any interest so lmk people r just dumb lol and then the second time it was me and one of my best friends bc I took her to prom-as a friend-and then for eons after people were convinced of some conspiracy lol

k bridget out hopefully this was mildly entertaining

[helpingmehelpmyself]

Things I Used to Enjoy- March 29, 2021

Gosh, I have so many things going through my head. I miss the days I was able to daydream, read fanfiction, and watch television. I remember the day would go by and I would question where the time went. But it felt like self care to me then and I enjoyed it. Now it feels like a useless distraction that no longer serves its purpose. 

I want to enjoy the things I used to enjoy. I love fanfiction (particularly, Teen Wolf sterek fanfiction. I can also ship steter, starrish, and stackson. I believe they can all compliment Stiles well). I would squeel while reading and get excited every time I found a new fanfiction that fits my criteria. Sometimes I have good days in which I can read fanfiction and fall into the story.

I used to love daydreaming. My imagination is basically a fanfiction with ten or so fandoms running around with some cannon and non-cannon storylines. I liked falling asleep to my daydreams or staring at the wall while I daydreamed. I considered writing my daydreams down and turning them into a fanfiction for Ao3, but part of it feels personal. This is a world I have written and rewritten so many times since I was... 16, maybe? It’s easier to rewrite or follow through a storyline in my head than it is to write it down and focus on details that I never really focused on before. If your curious, my daydream fanfictions include the following fandoms: Teen Wolf, Scandal, Glee, Twilight, The Gentlemen, and Crazy Rich Asians. Occasionally, Beyonce’s Homecoming special and other things will make an appearance. I include most characters from these programs and create some OC’s in my head that have nothing to do with the other fandoms. Sometimes I’ll pluck someone from another place, like Carrie from Sex & The City but combine her with Isabel from Glee and mix up her storyline, or create a character with the appearance of a famous actor, like the original Mr. Fantastic actor.

I loved music. I could listen to music all day and enjoy myself. Sometimes it was the soundtrack to my imagination or I’d have some of my characters sing the songs I was listening to. I would listen to the same songs on repeat and create scenes with them and sometimes I’ll be able to add new music to the mix. If I wanted to listen to an album, I’d sit/lay down in my room and focus on nothing but the album. If there was an artist I liked and wanted to explore more of, I would go through their entire Spotify history and listen to every song at least once. I’d add it to my Liked Songs playlist because I am crap at creating playlists (minus the Boudoir playlist I made last year for my photoshoot, but that’s another story). Almost every song I have ever liked is on my Liked Songs. I think I have over a thousand songs on there, which is pretty decent. I kind of know where every song is located when it’s organized by Recently Added. Minus screamo, heavy metal, gangsta rap, underground music or electronic music, I listened to a little of everything. I loved Glee, Hamilton, Meg the Stalion, Kendrick Lamarr, the Civil Wars, early Taylor Swift, American Authors, Secondhand Serenade, G-Eazy, Mulatto, Into the Heights, Moana, Victorious, I could go on. Every song plays a part of my history and I love expanding it.

I can’t really do those things the same anymore and I wish I could. Writing fanfiction sounds like it could be a possibility for me because most of my life, I wanted to be a writer or be an editor. The fear of financial security made me switch to a business major and it didn’t make things any easier I find. I guess more approving nods from other adults about my choice in degree was a plus.

I can’t focus on my own daydreams anymore. It used to give me so much joy but it also reflected my emotions: horny, sad, in love, etc. The fact that I was able to create worlds that don’t exist to anyone but me made me happy. Sometimes when I wanted to be closer to God, I’d even deepen the relationship of some of my characters with God. 

Music doesn’t sound the same anymore. I can’t focus to the point of slipping into happiness often.

I did have a good day the day before yesterday. I decided that maybe listening to the song that always lifted my spirits in the past, whether they needed lifting or not, would help. My song is “Do You Believe in Magic” by Aly & AJ. I don’t know what it is about that song but when I first heard it on Disney Channel when I was little for the movie, Now You See It. Something about that song was and still is special. I was able to sing horribly to the song. I was watching Freaky Friday that day and remembered how much Ultimate by Lindsey Lohan rocked. I was able to listen to that song and daydream a totally new scenario for my mental fanfiction characters. There was so much happiness and positivity in the scene.

That same day, when night fell, I felt so sad I made myself sick and was gagging in the toilet. I convinced myself not to make myself throw up because I don’t want that to become a habit. I don’t want to mentally make myself sick and think that throwing up every time will fix me. I felt like shit for hours later, but I was glad that I didn’t throw up. I knew I was in a bad enough position that I needed company. 2/3 of my best friends and one of their boyfriends showed up at my place, late at night and stayed with me for hours. We’d talk about the issues that were plaguing my mind and about 2 of them moving into a new apartment together. 

I went back and forth from lying in the bathroom and lying in my bed. I don’t know why but whenever I was sick growing up, laying on the bathroom floor made me feel better. I know it is unsanitary and gross, but you get to a point that you don’t care. The bathroom has always felt safe for me. I still remember the first time I did it. My mom, brother, and I lived in an apartment about 20-30 minutes away from where we live now. I was getting ready for school one day and I guess I didn’t feel good. I laid down on the bathroom floor and that’s how my mom found me. She knew that this little 5 or 6 year old that never complained about school wasn’t faking anything. I think after that point, my mom became pretty trusting of me whenever I said I can’t go to school. Whether I was physically sick or needed a mental health day, she let it happen. I didn’t practice this often until I was junior high and high school, but it helped knowing my mom would let me take care of myself however I saw fit. I think she also didn’t want to have to keep taking off of work to pick me up from school.

The issues that brought me to tears were my boyfriend, the love of my life. I have only dated one boy before him. That was back in high school and I liked that I had a boyfriend more than I actually liked my boyfriend. We had been friends for years and were in speech and debate together. I asked him to my prom and, due to a misunderstanding, he never replied. When we realized the misunderstanding, he asked me to his prom (We went to two different schools) which was fun. It was at a country club, his parents had dinner catered to their house for us (very successful accountants) and we got some cute pictures from that night. I found myself bored with the relationship and knew ending it wouldn’t affect my quality of life within that moment. So I did. Now he is happily out as gay with his partner of 3 years and starting Harvard Law in the fall. I kind of like that fact and it made it easier to be friends with him on Facebook and Instagram again.

But back to my current boyfriend, the boy I didn’t think that I would fall for. To make our love story short (I’ll probably go into more in another post), we met on Tinder 2.5 years ago when the guy I was talking to/dating previously decided to go back to his toxic/abusive ex-girlfriend. I was talking to my soon-to-be boyfriend and another guy at the time and my boyfriend was the one that lasted. I remember that I would message every Tinder match with “Aye” because everyone wants the other person to start the conversation or else there won’t be a conversation. He responded with “I love your smile. It’s so positive” and that was my downward spiral. We’re pretty good at communication and we are a good match for each other. We both come from mostly different backgrounds, racially and socially. Sometimes there are things about me he’ll never understand, but making strong friends with people who weren’t racially the same as me kind of prepared me for that. 

Anyways, he wants to be a doctor of osteopathic medicine (still don’t know what that is) and go to med school for it a year after our undergrad. I don’t plan on starting grad school right now because I am not fully sure what I want to do with my career just yet. I’m not going to put myself in more debt or spend more time in school without a reason. Anyways, not many medical schools in our state offer the certification he’d need so he’s even looking at schools out of state. I have always wanted to go with him and support him through it while I start my career, but as that time draws closer, I find myself unsure of myself.

I need a lot of attention and am very sociable. I know when he goes to med school, he won’t be able to give me as much attention and he can’t really be faulted for that. It probably won’t get any easier once he does his residency and beyond. Despite being sociable, I have created a support network of my family and friends (we’ve been together for like 10 years). It’s to a point that I can socialize with other people with the idea that they are going to be acquaintances or somewhat distant friends. I usually know what kind of friend I want people to be before or during meeting them. But my dependency on my support network is so... strong that it kind of messed up a very big job opportunity for me a few years ago. I am afraid of having to make new connections again once we move away. Regardless if he choses a school in our state or not, we’d have to move. I don’t want him to be my only social connection, but am also afraid of making new ones. 

I made a list of all the things that scared me with possible solutions in which moving away with him was on it. I wrote that I would try to connect with coworkers (I can’t imagine and kind of don’t want to be best friends with a coworker. You never know when play ends and work begins) and neighbors. I don’t even talk to my neighbors now. I thought I could bake my famous browned butter salted chocolate chip cookies and share them with people, hoping that it would be the start of something. I’ve picked up random conversations with random people before so hopefully I can still do that (I stopped the whole “don’t talk to strangers” thing when I was like 19). 

These solutions made sense to me and I hoped that by writing it down, I could move on with my life. That wasn’t the case. I became so focused on would by current boyfriend be able to meet my needs in the future and whether I’d be strong enough to let him go if it was impossible. I found myself loving him more than I loved myself and make decisions on bettering myself for him. Covid Vaccine? For him. Finding a good job? For him. I don’t want to love someone else more than I love myself. I don’t want these decisions to be based on another person. I want to chose what is right for me for me and not someone else.  

I wasn’t this way before my boyfriend. I actually avoided being in a relationship for a few years because I didn’t think I’d enter one for the right reason. Usually, I put myself and my happiness first. When I decided I was ready to care for another person, my boyfriend wasn’t the first guy I chose. I didn’t know he’d become the love of my life. I didn’t know that we’d want the same exact thing from our relationship and have active, open communication about or wants and needs from the other person. I craved his attention, always wanted to be around him, and didn’t even stop talking about him our first year together. I am better now, but he still finds way into my conversations because he’s what makes me happy. 

I’m not upset that I love him. I wouldn’t take that back. I just wish that I was enough for myself again in which I could make decisions for me and stand by them. I want to create the life I want and I want him a part of it. But if that’s not God’s Plan, can I let go of him? In all honesty, I’d rather be miserable with him with occasional happiness than miserable without him. Maybe that’s too strong of a statement so don’t take that at full face value.

I want to be able to figure this out while we are still together, but mentally I keep thinking I have a time frame to “fix myself”. At the same time, I know I don’t because I know mental health doesn’t work that way. I have the ability to take the time I need to take care of myself again which I am grateful for. It’s like having an adult and child in my mind. The child is crying all of my fears and anxieties while the adult is trying to calm them down with reasoning. I am thankful that I am at least this aware of my mental state. I can understand when something is anxiety or depression, name it, and although I am stuck with it, I try not to fall too deep in it.  

I still have hope things will get better and I won’t always feel this way. Hope and faith is all I have some days and that’s okay. I am one day closer to being the me I want to be.

[bangtanficrecs]

Lost & Found Batch #11

It’s been a while but here’s the new batch of lost fics! If you happen to know the fic the ask is looking for, reply to this post or send us an ask with the request number and title/author. If you happen to know any fics from Past Batches, those are more than welcome as well. Thank you!! ~ Admin P

1)  Hi! I’m looking for a yoonmin fix that I found on ao3 a while back. It was non-au (canon compliant) and, basically, Jimin was a jerk towards Yoongi and Yoongi was suicidal. It was later revealed that they had been in love, but were caught by fans, and had to break up, and Jimin blamed Yoongi. Then, Yoongi got really drunk one day and was coerced into sleeping with a fan?? It was a really good story and I can’t find it now,,

2) Hi idk if you would be able to help me since I don’t have a lot of details but awhile ago I was reading a fic where I believe it was of namjoon and jungkook?? I can’t remember who the pairing was exactly. anyways all I can literally remember is there was a smut scene where jungkook is blind folded and at one point that’s a carrot involved. I’m trying to find the author and I’ve looked through my ao3 history but can’t seem to find it. If you can’t find it I appreciate your help! Thank you

3)  I read this fic a while ago that was Jungkook-centric where Jungkook and Jin were stepbrothers and Jungkook's dad was abusive but Jin's mom didn't know that until they got married and so they ignored Jungkook so his dad wouldn't beat them too until his dad saw Jin with Namjoon and raped him and Jungkook got Namjoon to get Jin out of the house. If there's any way you can find this fic for me I would really appreciate it, I've been looking for it FOREVER. Thanks!

4)  I’m trying to find a fic that was on ao3. I can’t remember the pairing, but during the story, one of the members was acting childish and being obnoxious for attention and another member ended up punishing him for it, but not giving him any aftercare. A different member finds the original guy nearly hysterical and is his ‘daddy’ they do talk afterwords but that’s all I can remember.

5)  Hey:) I’m looking for a fic I read a long time ago about yoongi and he takes care of Namjoon and they live on the street and then Namjoon gets snatched. And so yoongi becomes a prostitute and then saves jimin and Taehyung from being snatched in a convenience store and they bring Jungkook home and it’s super cute and sad. Please help me!!

Bang Bang (You Shot Me Down) by signifying_nothing - note: the fic is locked and requires an AO3 account to be viewed

6) Hi, Ive been trying to find a fic for like a month but am having no luck. If a main pair Namjoon x Jimin ABO AU where Jimin is an omega who is living with Tae in college and JM presents late. He initially is with Hoseok but HS cant satisfy him and NJ has feelings for JM and eventually they end up together. I know there is a camping trip and Seokjin is barren (i think thats the word they use). JM+ NJ end up mating but JM leaves to stay with his aunt and YG has to convince him to talk to NJ THANKS

baby steps (i'll hold you tight) by voseok

7) Hello, I am looking for a fic. Last time I read it, it was still ongoing. Multichaptered but each chapter was a fic on its own. The theme was Jungkook and Taehyung finding each other in each universe but not ending together? In one fic, BTS were all in politics. Namjoon was running for president and Kook was some prodigy, trained by G-dragon. It was on AO3 but I can't find it anymore as I forgot to bookmark :(

8) Hi! I’m looking for a yoonmin ff that involves either jimin or yoongi being deaf or mute. There was a part in the story that i remembered which was when jimin or yoongi was in the toilet and they ran out of toilet paper also another part was how someone’s slaughter and moaning (sorry bout that) was described as huffs? I don’t really remember much and it’s a really vague description but I really hope you can find it!! Thank you!!

9) Hello! Could you help me find a fic where hoseok is a writer and yoongi is an artist? I think the story starts off with their childhood days. Thank you in advance!

10) Hii i was wondering if you know and could tell me about the fic where jimin and yoongi were a couple and yoongi was planning to proposed jimin but sadly jimin got into a plane crash when he was headed to somewhere for a dance competition and a year after the incident yoongi met jimin again

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine by yururin

11) Hey i was looking for this where jin cant be part of bangtan anymore because he got some rumours going on about him

Save Me by resonae

12) Hey there! I'm looking for this angsty fic that was set in the prologue/run era where everyone got a little too drunk one night and tae and namjoon accidentally stumbled into a lake after doing graffiti and died? the fic mainly focuses on the other members trying to recover from this tragedy and there weren't specific pairings. I can't remember where I read it. thank you!!

13) hi! i wanna find this Jihope fic,it's in aff. It's an mafia and abo au. I don't remember the summary of the story. Here’s what i remember; there’s an arrange marrige btw Hope & JM,before JM's father's dead, he give this letter to him, told him to open on his 20th birthday. when JM give it to the office, Jhope come & get him, and turn out he is Mafia & the head mafia's bride-JM's called Donna. Also, JH's alpha, JM's omega

14) do you know of a myg/pjm/jhs fic where pjm is a prince sent off to the wizard myg. People have to try and fight the wizard to win pjm's hand. Jhs promised pjm that he'll come for him in a year and join the royal army. Pjm slowly realize that he is is love with both myg and jhs. Later pjm gets hurt and dissapears and so jhs takes his anger out of myg and later jhs and myg elope

His Captive Heart by Etna

15) Hello!! do you guys kmow a fic where most of bts (except jm+nj) get stuck in a bad winter snow due to car accident and there's some dude in the woods out to get them and has got sj + hs. I think yg got a gash in his leg also. yg jk + th are try to get sj hs back and hs sacrafice himself a lot to the dude to protect sj

Never Have I Ever by Someplace_Else

16) Uh, hello!!! I hope it’s okay that I’m asking, with the temporary hiatus and stuff. But I lost a fic I had read a while ago and I want to read it again. I can’t remember the pairing but it was Yoongi x someone. Yoongi worked in an arcade with Jimin and he had tried to commit suicide but his best friend, hoseok, found him and forced him to go to a therapy/support group. Actually, you know I think it was taegi??? Anyway. Sorry again, hope this isn’t like... annoying or anything!!!

17) thank you so much for running this blog! anyways, i’m trying to find this fic [spoilers]- the plot is that jungkook self harms until he meets v, who appears to be super cheerful until jk finds out v has eating disorder. so they make a “deal” where if jk cuts, v doesnt eat. eventually something happens to v (i forgot if it was moving away or death), until jimin appears who actually is cheerful & helpful. it was on ao3 but i can't seem to relocate it (so idk if it got taken down...?) thank you!

18) hey! do u know a namjin werewolf au where jin is from another pack but he got hurt and was found by jimin (not sure) and ended up joining namjoon's pack and fell in love with him? ive been searching for this fic but i couldn't find it :"((

19) Hi, I’m looking a taekook fic and its based off the music video of Taylor Swift’s you belong with me. To taekook are best friends but taehyung loves jungkook. But jungkook has this girlfriend, I think her name is Yujin or something, who hates Taehyung because he’s gay. Thanks :)

20) hi! i read this fic once centered around the members trying to teach taehyung things through spanking? one of the chapters was hoseok teaching taehyung to use a safeword

smack that (give me some more) by ireallydontknowok

21) hello lovely admins! i am currently in a pickle (when am i not) and lost a fic, it’s on ao3 for sure and it’s a yoonseok centric fic where they have a dom/sub relationship, yoongi being the sub, but! hoseok invites (or brings) rm and guk over from his office and the plan is that they fuck yoongi, rm is used to it but guk is pretty freaked out, they do end up having sex and i clearly remember that yoongi sucks guk’s dick (sorry for being so crude ;-;) anyways, that’s all i remember! good luck 💕

[artificialqueens]

We'll Show Them: Chapter Seven: Luci

an: I want to thank my aq brits, my cheerleaders mean everything to me. Thanks to everyone reading this fic too, I appreciate every comment, note and read. Hope you like this chapter! tw: slight homophobia

summary: during Sasha’s public meeting, new information is uncovered that may put the entire office in jeopardy.

Each creak of the door was deafening. Sasha cringed each time the door of the office opened, waiting for it to be Farrah standing in the door frame. She was sat in reception, waiting for Farrah to bring her through to Trinity’s office. Sitting on an armchair in the corner of the room, Sasha scuffed her feet on the carpet, her anxieties building up as she watched the door.

The reception was eerily quiet, no one daring to walk through as the public meeting raced in everyone’s minds. Sasha had already snapped at Kimora this morning, claiming the woman was being too loud. Everyone had thought this hypocritical considering Sasha was often the prime distraction, but no one had the heart to complain. Everyone in the office only felt sympathy towards her and, for some reason that made Sasha feel worse. She wasn’t sure why she felt that she didn’t deserve it, but she felt guilt in the pit of her stomach. It was her fault the company was getting bad publicity, no matter how much Shea tried to convince her otherwise.

The door creaked open one more time, with Farrah standing sheepishly behind it. Sasha gave her a reassuring smile.

“Everyone is waiting for you in Trinity’s office. You’ll win them over, Sash.” Farrah pulled Sasha into a hug as she walked over towards the door. Sasha muttered a thank you into Farrah’s shoulder.

“See you on the other side.” Sasha took a deep breath and smiled and Farrah opened the door to Trinity’s office. Trinity sat in her chair behind her desk, looking more stressed than Sasha had ever seen her. It was no secret that Trinity enjoyed plastic surgery, but despite her injections, the worry lines were prominent on her face. Sasha felt guilty for causing them.

Shea was sat in one of the chairs on the other side of the desk. Her foot tapped on the floor nervously, and Sasha could see chips in her white nail varnish from where she’d chewed them, a habit she’d gotten out of years ago. Shea’s eyes looked tired, and Sasha knew concealer was the only reason she couldn’t see dark circles under them. Eureka stood in the corner, leaning against the wall. Her face was still and emotionless, but she was clearly just as anxious as the others. She hated herself for doing this to them, especially Shea.

There was someone else in the room, perched in the chair next to Shea. Her dress was an obnoxious combination of patterns and it hung loosely on her slim body. The long sleeves were rolled up to her forearms. Her biker boots were a strong contrast to the high heels adorned by everyone else, but the woman seemed unfazed by her own lack of professionalism. She uncrossed her legs and stood up to greet Sasha, flicking her blonde curls behind her shoulders. She stuck out her hand for Sasha to shake.

“I’m Katya; I’m a friend of Shea’s. I’m also a pretty decent lawyer.” Katya picked up her brief case and gestured to it, as if it provided Sasha with credentials of her ranking.

“It’s good to meet you.” Sasha spoke softly, nodding politely at the lawyer. Katya tilted her head slightly, as if confused by Sasha’s nerves. That was somewhat reassuring, she decided.

“Right, so all we have to do is convince the public representatives that you losing your job would be bad. You need a majority vote, and with it, you get to keep your job. See, it’s not actually up to Trinity or Eureka, they’re here,” Katya gestured a point in the air with her hand, “in the pecking order, but the decision comes from up here,” Katya gestured to a point just above it.

Of course Sasha had spoken to the Head Office, she’d been in trouble enough times to have received a call from them. Considering her last incident involved breaking a camera after an intense game of hide and seek, they weren’t too keen on her staying. Sasha gulped.

“That’s a promising start then.” Eureka sighed. She was the one to receive the complaints from Head Office, and she knew all too well that they had problems with Sasha.

“If we play off your charisma and the ethical issues of firing you, then we should be fine. You’ll be back behind that desk before anyone else has a chance to piss on it and mark it as theirs.” Katya nodded confidently. She lifted her leg slightly to demonstrate, which caused both Sasha and Shea to grin with amusement. Eureka placed her palm on her forehead, wondering why professionalism was lost to everyone except herself and Trinity. She rolled her eyes when she noticed a smirk on Trinity’s face.

“Any questions?” Katya asked, mostly directing her own question to Sasha.

“What happens if, you know, I do get fired?” Sasha mumbled, avoiding eye contact with Shea.

“We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it. Don’t worry, everything will work out. Remember, you haven’t done anything wrong.” Katya reassured, turning her attention to Shea. She gave the woman a slight nod of comfort, which Shea returned with a grateful smile.

“Come on, all the representatives are in the conference room. Good luck, Sasha.” Trinity patted her on the shoulder before opening the door for everyone to walk through.

Sasha gave Farrah a worried look as she walked past. It was clear the receptionist was trying hard to keep her face neutral as she crossed her fingers in a hopeful gesture. Sasha smiled gratefully.

The conference room was a few rooms down from the office, and the glass windows meant Sasha could see all the people waiting for her. They turned their attention to Sasha and the others, their eyes beady and judgemental. Sasha felt a blush creep over her pale skin, uncomfortable with being the public’s focus.

She hung back slightly, letting the others walk in front so that she had a moment to regain composure. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes so that she didn’t have to look into the conference room. Shea took a hold of her hand, brushing her hand soothingly with her thumb. She let go and placed her other hand on the small of Sasha’s back, guiding her into the conference room.

She took a hesitant seat at the head of the table, Trinity and Katya beside her. Eureka and Shea stood behind, holding Sasha’s files in their arms. Katya had suggested finding evidence in them for the meeting, but Sasha didn’t understand what they could prove.

“My name’s Trinity Taylor, both Katya and I will be representing Sasha Velour. The Head Office requested this meeting to debate the grounds of Miss Velour’s termination.” Trinity spoke more formally than she did around the office, addressing each public representative with a polite nod. Sasha did the same.

The room fell silent, and the eyes wandered to Katya, who was lightly drumming her nails on the table. She glanced up, meeting the eyes of the public in front of her.

“So, legally in Brooklyn you can’t fire someone for, eh, personal reasons like this one. However, businesses have the right to terminate someone if they are damaging the company in some way. The problem with this is that there are huge ethical violations.” Katya explained, gesturing wildly with her hands.

“So, if she was fired she could sue?” A man from the public spoke up; his eyes narrow as he processed the information.

Katya pointed to him and placed a finger on her nose to indicate the accuracy of his statement, giving a small nod as she did so.

“So what we need from you all is a reached verdict, terminate or remain. The Head Office has spoken to Mrs Taylor and has decided that they will act in favour of the vote, one way or another.” Trinity elaborated.

“Well, how do we know Miss Velour won’t just keep acting like…this? Some people don’t want gay politics with their news.” One member of the public spoke up. Both Sasha and Shea visibly cringed at her comment, but no one addressed it.

“I promise,” Sasha spoke up, “I won’t express my own views on these certain topics on air. I’ve spoken to Trinity and I will not speak up again, no matter who we have as a guest. If the topic is too controversial, I will hand over to Miss Coulee.” The public turned to face Sasha, as if only just noticing that she was present since Trinity started talking.

“You think Shea Coulee would be able to handle it better than yourself? Aren’t you both the same?” One man asked, his face twisted into an uncomfortable frown. Trinity, Eureka and Katya turned to glance at both women in confusion.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Shea asked, keeping a polite tone. Sasha was impressed; she knew she’d ended up shouting. She supposed that’s how they’d ended up in this mess in the first place.

“You seriously haven’t seen it? It’s been all over the internet since last night.” A woman piped up, disbelief in her voice. Sasha and Shea exchanged a look.

“Please, explain.” Katya pressed. She looked nervous for the first time since Sasha had met her, clutching tightly to the pen in her hand. The public knew something she didn’t, and that worried her.

Someone rustled around in their handbag and volunteered a magazine, throwing it onto the table with a thud. Sasha watched everyone’s expressions before daring to look at it. The public mostly stared blankly, showing that this was nothing new to them. Everyone in her office however, looked horrified. It was Shea’s expression that made Sasha’s stomach drop.

Her eyes were wide, full of questions and panic. Her mouth had dropped open in surprise, and Sasha could see her lip trembling. Sasha realised her expression must’ve matched when she glanced down.  

The magazine had ‘Good Morning Bitches: today’s news story is a scandal!’ printed in bold across the top of the page, red lettering standing out as if it were taunting her. The main picture on the front page made her heart skip a beat. It was Sasha and Shea, leaning against Shea’s car on the night of their date. They were kissing passionately, hands on each other’s bodies. There was no mistaking who it was or what was happening.

She felt Trinity’s eyes burn into the back of her head as she fumbled for words. She only managed a gulp. Katya joined in and tried to stutter through an explanation, but her mind was as blank as Sasha’s. No one had an answer.

The public member, upon making her point, stuffed the magazine back into her bag, leaving everyone else around the table staring, dazed, at its surface. Sasha didn’t dare to move, conscious that everyone would see her shaking.

“Your office clearing endorses the relationship,” One person gestured between Sasha and Shea, “which makes some of us angry. You’ll lose way more viewers if it becomes public that the two anchors are not only gay, but together.”

Sasha wanted to ask why, she wanted an explanation of why that made people mad, and she wanted to understand why people hated her so much. Instead, she bit her tongue, deciding that her mouth had gotten them all into enough trouble.

“So your problem is with the relationship and not their sexualities?” Katya asked with a furrowed brow.

Some people nodded and others shrugged, mumbles of agreement echoing around the small room.

“It’s uncomfortable watching them. If they weren’t dating and did less anchoring together, I’d vote remain.” Someone suggested, their response evoking mumbles of agreement. Sasha’s breath caught in her throat. She hadn’t been sure when everyone had started labelling them as a couple. The description didn’t make her feel warm or excited as it would have last week, instead she only felt dread.

“So you’re saying Sasha can stay if we stay away from each other?” Shea asked, her voice cracking slightly. Her eyes drifted to Sasha, but she snapped them away in fear of upsetting the representatives.

“Is that even a legal solution?” Sasha asked, letting go of her calm demeanour to address Katya. The lawyer looked in a daze, not expecting the hatred of the public to affect their decision as harshly as it had.

“Workplace relationships are completely up to the Head Office. If you agree to the proposition, then yeah it’s legal.” Katya answered quietly.

“We’ll discuss this with Miss Velour and Miss Coulee this afternoon and we will take in your votes tomorrow. Thank you for your opinions and input today.” Eureka escorted everyone out of the room, distractedly answering questions. Trinity stood by the door with Katya, the two women speaking in hushed voices. Sasha assumed Trinity was looking for any way out of the situation, but judging by her frown she couldn’t find a solution.

Sasha was left alone with Shea, the pair sitting silently beside the table.  Shea tapped her foot onto the wooden floor anxiously. Sasha looked up, and noticed that she was shaking. She reached out to grab Shea’s hand in a weak attempt to comfort her.

“What do we do Sash?” Shea trembled, nails digging into Sasha’s skin as she tightened her grip.

For the first time since meeting Shea, Sasha was speechless. She couldn’t think of a single word of comfort, because she was unable to come up with even one optimistic solution.

“I’m sorry I dragged you into this Shea.” Sasha whispered, the lump in her throat making it hard to speak up.

She stormed out of the conference room, not even pausing to speak to Farrah, who was curiously sitting behind her desk waiting for a rundown of the meeting. Sasha waited outside for her bus, leaving Shea wondering whether or not she was ever coming back.