#i had to change my color palette to add a read more. what the fuck.

[multishipperbish]

HEY HI HELLO

-> my name is Nico but I also use Alex :3 -> I use he/xe pronouns -> I have a really hard time interacting with anyone ever but I'm working on it!! -> I'm aromantic and pansexual we ballin -> I listen to like. folk punk and goth music and midwest emo it's horrible inside my head -> I'm gonna post mostly about LOTF because I have insta and discord and ao3 to post about my other interests so if you're not into that... tough luck bucko -> other interests include South Park, the Riordanverse (particularly Magnus Chase), Houseki No Kuni, Wings of Fire (me when i'm stuck in 2014), Artemis Fowl (except i gotta reread it and the movie was foul), Good Omens, and horror movies -> I write and I draw... mostly traditional but I might post some digital art too :3 -> I speak English and French and write in both -> I have an ongoing LOTF fic that's surpassed 40K words and it's kind of scaring me -> I'm open to discuss anything!! dms always open -> dni proships and any kind of nefarious -phobia. shoo. none of that allowed here. -> me personally i have trypophobia and emetophobia and cynophobia (for the really big dogs not the silly ones i'll reblog) so don't do that to me!! alright peace out fags

[dragon-snoots-a-boopin]

Warframe...Rant...Update

So, I wanted to make a little bit of an update to my last post which was a very large rant about the video game Warframe. This is because I had a friend spend a few hours with me on the game giving me some pointers and helping me with some missions that I was stuck on like the very last assassination mission on Demios, I was stuck on that for so long because I couldn't do it alone and could never find or drag any groups of randoms there to help me.

Anyway, one of the things that my friend told me about was this thing called bullet jumping. Yes, I am sure that it may sound stupid that I had not picked up on this technique being like 40 hours into the game but, I didn't. What I had been doing up until this point was repeatedly sprinting and then sliding. I didn't even think to add a jump after the slide. So, I practiced that and then I, on my own realized that I could sprint, slide, jump, slide again, jump again and just repeat that to cover even more ground faster so I keep on practicing that and am getting a little better.

Something else that is positive is that I took it upon myself to go out and look at build information. Not only for my Warframe, Excalibur, but also for my Boltor, Seer and Exalted Blade. Now, there really isn't all that much I can do because I don't have the mods that the builds I found and like, at least, not yet. Like, the foundation is there but there is more to go but it's a nudge in the right direction for me.

A little bit of good and not so good here is that I finally got the Archwing built because I finally got some neurodes from the several hours I spent doing Void Fissures and cracking open all my void relics. The not so good is that I now realize that I am not a fan of any of the missions that involve using the Archwing. I especially HATE the rush missions because I just get turned around a lost a little to easily.

I still HATE Hijack missions with a passion so nothing has really changed there. I've not gone back to the Heart of Demios story questline because from what I read, one needs to be MR6 or higher to even have a chance at the double boss thing I am stuck on.

Now, to get more into complaint terrority here. One thing that I find very fucking dumb with Warframe is the over reliance on the microtransaction, specifically geared toward the in game currency of silver. I say this because I recently had this thought of doing a recolor of my Warframe and weapons. I wanted to do a simple black and blue when I realized that...I don't have a basic black. Like, I have a single strip of colors that have like two reds, one orange two blues, some purples, like maybe one green and three whites and that is it. My question is this. WHY IS THERE NO WAY TO EARN NEW COLORS THROUGH FUCKING REGULAR GAMEPLAY???? Before I go into my example, no, Warframe isn't an MMO and yes, I know that. But, the two MMOs I enjoy playing, Guild Wars 2 and The Elder Scrolls Online, not only do they give you a decent amount of dye colors to work with when you start the game, but you can also unlock even more dye colors by doing regular gameplay stuff. Why the fuck are color palettes in Warframe only obtainable by spending 75 silver on them? WHY CAN'T INDIVIDUAL COLORS BE UNLOCKED THROUGH GAMEPLAY!!!! It really would not have been all that complicated for the Warframe developers to have something like this but, no, it's all about getting that money from people buying silver.

The very last thing here is that I don't understand drop rates in this game at all. I spent some time on Cetus doing one specific type of bounty because of the chance for the Gara chassis blueprint to drop. Now, I never got it to drop so I looked on the wiki and it's graph is really confusing to me. Like, there a section of the graph where it said that it would guarantee to drop 88 plus 29 stages and says something about stage 2/A, B and/or C and I have no idea what the hell the A, B & C mean here. Someone else I know said those mean rotations but what the defines when a rotation starts and ends? These bounties only have three individual stages. The first is locating and taking over a drone, the second is to find some caches and the third is to find and defend the vault and that's it. So, where does a rotation start within those individual stages? I have NO idea! I don't think anyone knows, even if they say they know something about drop rates in Warframe. That same person told me that the 88 is the highest amount of times that one can attempt the bounty and not that I'd have to do the bounty 88 times for the thing to be guaranteed to drop. I still don't know or understand the drop rate graph but I think it just comes down to doing the bounty over and over and over and oooooooovvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr until I get that chassis piece. Then, do it all again for the system and neuroptics because I really want to try out and level up a new Warframe.

Also, I've had like one positive interation with randoms since my last post but, I still believe that Warframe's community are a bunch of toxic assholes.

Btw, if anyone that commented on my last post about Warframe that offered up help, my name is Warframe in Bellasar, same as it is here. Feel free to send a friend request, assuming it lets you and there's no technical problems there. If not, let me know on this post your name in Warframe and I'll send you a friend request.

[magicspacedragon]

After finishing watching Hazbin hotel I need to talk about the differences between Angeldust’s song addict and the song poison. I was sad to see that they had replaced addict as his background song with poison because I feel like it has far less depth of character in general but after seeing the animation they chose to go with for posion I have some concerns. 

The first thing I noticed was the difference in how they portrayed his struggle. I thought that in Addict the flashing between the bright and flashy colors of him on stage and the dark stained bedroom with him crurled up crying with Cherrybomb comforting him was heartbreaking. The color palette changes to show the dissociation and warring feelings that mirrored Cherry and her visions of another man were artistically superior to the shock value of posion where they never left the bright sexy landscape and rellyed heavily on shock value of sexual assault by large men.

The animation of posion was dynamic and complex to watch but there was no subtlety whatsoever. Whereas in addict you caught the emotions in flashes to the bedroom and micro expressions the most violence was shown in Valentino forcfully kissing him, in poison there was on screen sexual asalt from valention and strong implications that many of the other porn scenes where at the veary least dubiously consentual. When Addict showed that those messages could have been gotten across without such shock value I don’t know why they decided to go with the more triggering option. 

Now I know Hazbin and Hell of a boss are not known for subtlety they curse and fuck and kill with wild abandon and i would never want to take that away from the show. However I think making it more direct took away a lot from its impact. The fact that the entire music video stays in that cany colored porn studio and the only dyanimic is between him smiling and him in distress even though it was more graphic I felt like until the very end where the singer's voice breaks the distress doesn't feel as real in a way. In Addict we were seeing into his head and there was an implication that it was what he was thinking about on stage even when he wasn’t in physical danger where Poison tends to save the emotional reactions to when he is actually having sex. 

This leads me to my next point. I feel like Poison relys so heavily on the sex and later BDSM nature of his shoots that it implies that the sex/kink is the problem and not the exploitation. Sex work 100% has problems with exploitation so I can only imagine that is intensified in literal hell. However This idea that the sub in kink or in gay relationships in general is not really enjoying the play is a damaging stereotype. It looks striking in the music video and adds interesting costumes, but the visuals of more monstrous larger men forcing a relationship feels like they are pulling on some of the same ideology's that are used to spread fear about kink or gay relationships. I don't think the team has anything against gay relationships we have seen plenty of queer in there shows but that does not mean that these ideas can't still slip in.

However in the case of rape it feels explotitive. While the push and pull of an abusive realtionship can lead to I love you I hate you moments, the scenes where he was in pink chain dancing into him before the more violent scenes had an implication that he was “asking for it”. The interaction litteralhy starts with “i can only Blame myself.” These are definitely emotions that victims feel around abusive situations but having the lines in an upbeat catchy pop tune leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 

Overall I feel like Addict had a very engaging story about how addiction can become an inter demon that can get you into dangerous and abusive scenarios chasing that feeling of high. While poison reads to me as making a choice to drink in poisonous situations even if you know that they are abusive. I could go on a whole other rant of how removing cherry and his support system removes an interesting dynamic that set it apart from the save the sex worker trope, or how ending the video with him being trapped on the balcony  rather then blowing up a building removes the only bit of agency he is given but this has already gone on too long. No hate towards the team. I just needed to get this off my chest.

[trigun-archive]

Omg, I just realized something that’s not gonna add much to the narrative or if anyone has noticed it.

Here we go.

So basically in episode 12, Vash did his girlboss move of flinging himself and Nai over the ledge.

And as they’re falling, I noticed something:

To me, this reminds of the Yin Yang symbol:

Then I remember that one post where someone mentioned where Vash in episode 12 wore the colors of ‘evil’ (black and purple).

Knives wore the colors of ‘good’ (white and blue).

They’re polar opposites of one another.

And that got me thinking more in depth with their relation with Yin Yang.

Obviously everyone is familiar with two sides of the same coin. It’s the same idea with Yin Yang, they’re polar opposites but they complement each other.

As part of the Naruto fandom (*groans*, I know I know). But hear me out, lots of symbolism that is related to Naruto and Sasuke is their relation to the sun and moon respectively.

Naruto is the sun. The Yang per say, because he is bright, aggressive and masculine. His respective color is orange.

While Sasuke is the moon. The Yin, because he is with the shadows, silent and feminine. His respective color is purple.

If you read the Naruto manga, then you would see how much Kishimoto bashes your head in with their respective symbolism, it’s in the cover art, the parallelism in the panels. It even showed up as their respective symbols on their hands after the ceremony for the final battle.

Back to TriStamp.

I believe they put Knives as Yang. He is aggressive and very in your face with his conquests of taking back the Plants. He is very muscular, and it’s shown through his tight bodysuit.

Then they would put Vash as Yin. He is way less aggressive with his morals than his previous counterparts. Obviously he still has them, but he is less forthcoming. His entire character design has changed, as everyone says with his non-binary haircut.

But in certain scenes, he still has those broad shoulders and managed to lift a fucking ion cannon enough to break his prosthetic arm. So, my babygirl is still fucking strong, hmph.

It’s even mentioned that the director of TriStamp has said Vash is both the female and male lead.

Same thing with Sasuke, some Studio Perriot staff has stated that he is the heroine of the story.

Obviously Naruto and Sasuke’s relationship heavily implies they’re in love with each other and soulmate coded to the max.

(Ha, get it? Trigun MAXimum??)

(. . ., I’ll see myself out).

But they did a different relationship of Yin Yang:

Twins.

Knives wanted desperately Vash to be the ‘perfect’ version that he envisioned. Taking away Vash’s bodily autonomy.

Vash just wanted to have ‘love and peace’ in the world. He didn’t want to fight Knvies, but he would defend his loved ones.

Until during episode 12, when he was ready to go in guns blazing to take down Knives.

With the color palette of black and purple against Knives’s white and blue.

Purple is the combination of red and blue. Vash’s red jacket and part of Knives’s color palette.

But also in the end, when Vash wanted to shoot that cube up in the sky.

He still wanted to save his brother, even though Knives was rejecting it by reaching to the absolute power of the cube and what it would bring him and Plant kind.

An Icarus-esque trope per say.

But yeah, anyways, this was just a jumble of thoughts I had to immediately write this down.

[popwasabi]

“Who are you?” The scene that defines Chadwick Boseman’s legacy

Yesterday, the world lost a bright and promising, burgeoning talent in Chadwick Boseman.

I had wondered privately for a while if something was wrong with him, as others had as well online, as he appeared increasingly sicker with each interview he gave over the last two years. I thought maybe I had been looking too much into it, not wanting to jump to conclusions about who he was but now gravely we all know why.

The much too young star of films such as “42,” “Marshall,” and of course, “Black Panther” had been fighting a largely private battle with colon cancer for four years.

It was devastating hearing this news yesterday, the man who undeniably left behind a legacy of playing prominent black heroes, both historical and fictional, passed away just as he was starting to truly hit it big. When you begin to realize the man was dealing with cancer as he performed physically demanding roles in the MCU you begin to see the character and determination of a man unwilling to quit in the face of true adversity.

But he clearly wasn’t just doing it for himself when he continued making and promoting NINE more movies despite his diagnosis, afterall no one would’ve blamed the guy for taking it easy these past four years. He’s had many scenes that define his legacy over his all too short career but I feel it can really be summed up in one particular moment from by far his most famous film; “Black Panther.”

Those who know me or have read my work know that I have a fairly cynical relationship with the Marvel Cinematic Universe. While I would not say most of them are “bad” per se, I would say a ton of them are largely interchangeable action comedies with pretty straightforward messages about good vs evil for general audiences. They are largely popcorn escapism and though there is nothing technically wrong with that, I was starved for an MCU film that was sincere about its story finally and had something real to say.

Enter “Black Panther” in early 2018.

“Black Panther” was everything I had long been waiting for in the MCU; a film with a real sense of vision and theme, a killer soundtrack, great supporting characters, a complicated and nuanced villain, and a story that didn’t feel the need to add a joke after every single scene like more typical MCU movies. The tip of that spear of course was Chadwick, who had already proved to be a great Black Panther in one of the few other sincere Marvel flicks “Civil War.” His natural charisma, physicality, and dramatic presence in this role made him a huge standout in frankly the best ensemble cast of any superhero movie ever.

The scene that truly sums up not just the mark “Black Panther” left on Hollywood but Chadwick’s own legacy comes at the very end though (the first of three, of course. It’s an MCU movie, afterall).

T’Challa has defeated his usurper cousin Erik Killmonger, his rule restored in Wakanda but clearly a changed man from the story’s beginning as he reckons with the complicated legacy of his father. He travels to Oakland, the birthplace of Killmonger, with his sister Shuri who he explains the crime committed by their father in this place and how it set off the events of the story. He turns to Shuri, tells her that he has decided to help this afflicted community by creating a Wakandan outreach center for the youth to give them a new hope in life. As he says this he decloaks their ship nearby, surprising the youth already in the area who are immediately in awe of it. One of the kids turns to T’Challa, smiling, a sense of inspiration and intrigue brewing inside, and asks “Who are you?” to which the young King simply smiles, then the credits roll.

It’s a simple scene but it truly speaks to the impact left behind by Chadwick and the importance of representation. 

“Black Panther” is hardly the first starring vehicle for a black man, it’s not even the first black super hero movie but what it made it different is it was the first blockbuster to truly lean unapologetically into its African identity to focus on the inspiration of a story centered around that culture. It showed Hollywood that an action blockbuster not just centered on a black star but centered on African culture had vast widespread appeal.

White kids will never have a shortage of white superheroes to grow up with on the big screen; a diverse palette of Supermans, Spider-mans, Captain Americas, and shit we’re even getting our sixth new Batman actor since 1989 soon. But Chadwick gave black kids their first real Superman of their own. 

In the years since this came out, I have seen the influence, at times, firsthand among the youth. I work part-time as a kids martial arts instructor and each Halloween party we’ve held I’ve seen a few more T’Challas among the costumes represented. When I ask kids, black, white, or Asian, what their favorite superhero is, it always warms my heart to see a kid light up when they say “BLACK PANTHER!”

(Seriously, cute AF)

This goes beyond just my anecdotal observations of course; the film grossed a billion dollars, and there are countless videos online of kids yelling “Wakanda forever!” at the top of their lungs while rocking a Black Panther suit or reciting one of the movie’s memorable lines. It’s beautiful because it speaks to that last scene’s key message; inspiration.

Growing up myself, as a half Asian American, there weren’t a ton of role models who looked like me to take inspiration from. I didn’t really understand how much this could affect me until I finally did start seeing people like myself occupy positions of influence. I didn’t start caring for baseball until I saw a slugger named Hideki Matsui smash a couple dingers in a Yankees’ uniform in the early 2000s. I didn’t care much for martial arts, outside my very early youth, until I witnessed a half Japanese Brazilian named Lyoto Machida KO Thiago Silva at UFC 94 in 2009. I didn’t care much for soccer until a striker named Keisuke Honda played out of his mind in the early rounds of the 2010 FIFA World Cup.

Sometimes you gotta see something happen in order to believe and be inspired by it and it’s easier to visualize it when you see someone who looks like you do it. That’s what representation means and why it’s important.

It’s easy for white America to dismiss the need for representation in media when theirs is so saturated in the culture everyday. Cries of “wHaT aBoUt wHiTe HiStORy mOnTH?!” delivered unironically while their history is proudly given front seat consideration in all forms of media, film, and influence every day. This is why it drives me so crazy when a white person tells me “representation isn’t important” because apparently, they “don’t need it.”

Well motherfucker, of course you don’t need it. You fucking got yours already!

(What every non-white person wants to say when confronted with this tired, out of touch argument...)

“Black Panther” delivered a superhero that not only black children could be proud of and love but someone they could draw inspiration from. Kids are going to want to become film directors cause of this movie, actors, stuntmen, martial artists, scientists, engineers, and so many other different things that the world of Wakanda proudly showcases and it’s all thanks to Chadwick’s leading man performance that made it possible.

Some jokes I’ve heard frequently on the internet is that Chadwick was on somewhat of a quest to play every major black role in story-telling history, what with performances as Jackie Robinson, Thurgood Marshall, James Brown, and of course Black Panther. But I think his 2018 speech at his Alma Mater of Howard really explains why he kept looking to play these major positive black roles.

(I encourage you to listen to the whole thing but the part that’s important here begins at 21:55)

Hollywood likes to pigeon hole certain demographics of people (aka non-white) to play stereotypical roles forever until they are proven to be lucrative in different ways (Qualified Immunity of film-making if you will…). Black people largely could mostly play thugs and drug dealers, Latinx can only be gang bosses and poor servants and gardeners, Asians are either kung fu masters or some other offensive perpetual foreigner. And in worst cases no role at all, instead whitewashed for general audiences (aka white folk). 

Chadwick took a stand that the color of his skin did not define who Hollywood narrowly believed he could perform as and set out to play characters and people who could inspire a new generation of African Americans and show the rest of the country that they were more than a stereotype.

When that young kid in that final scene asks, “Who are you?” and T’Challa smiles its because he knows he’s already changing hearts and minds for the future, just as Chadwick did playing this truly inspirational role.

“Black Panther” is not a perfect movie. I could discuss the ways it could’ve been better and even, less problematic in parts on a different day, but the legacy it leaves behind is one that’s undeniably positive and Chadwick was able to make that a reality. Perhaps he understood that if the world knew his diagnosis it would blunt the impact of “Black Panther’s” release, that if little kids and African Americans alike knew their superhero was already dying it would mar the film’s positivity and influence. I can’t speak for the dead obviously, and in no way am I saying one should just push through a cancer diagnosis and keep it secret, but I can see Chadwick understanding what it would mean for the audience if they just believed for as long as possible that they would have their king of Wakanda forever.

As Robert Downey Jr. said on social media last night “He leveled the playing field while fighting for his life.”

Though I will never know him personally, by most measures Chadwick seemed to be exactly the kind of hero he showed up to be on the big screen and his legacy will ultimately be that of one who looked to inspire others, particularly the next generation until his final breath. If that doesn’t make him a hero, I don’t know what does.

Rest in power, King. Wakanda Forever…

(Via BossLogic)

[blueeyedgeorgie]

Makeup With Y/N-A.E

“can you please do a part two to makeup where instead of Alex doing reader's makeup it's the other way round?” @soldier-42​

Gif cred. @sdmngifs​

Pairing: ImAllexx x Reader

Word Count: 1.9k+

Pronouns: She/Her

_________________

"Hello everyone, I'm Alex, and this is Y/n." Makeup had been laid out on the coffee table in front of them. Alex and Y/n had been planning a second video involving makeup after the first one had done so well. "Because you all love Y/n more than me, I brought her back for part two where they do my makeup instead," Alex smiled at the camera set up across the room. "How'd I do last time, Y/n?" "You did okay, I feel like you'd definitely need to learn a couple of tips to improve with." His girlfriend grinned, already beginning to look through the makeup set out on the table, "Can I get started yet?" "Yeah, of course," he smiled. "While you get started on that, I'm gonna open up Twitter. I actually tweeted out for people to send in a couple of questions for us." "Good idea," Y/n picked up a cylinder tube, pulling the cap off. For a moment they let a bit of clear liquid leave the top of it before turning back to Alex. "Is that... primer?" Alex bit his lip, watching as his girlfriend move his hair out of his face. Y/n gave a small 'yep' as a response, beginning to put on the first part of Alex's makeup. "See, I'm working on learning this stuff." "Good job, bubba," his girlfriend pulled away, beginning to look at more containers of makeup placed out on the table. "I'm proud of you, but are you gonna read any questions?" "Oh yeah, let me get started on that," he went back to opening Twitter, leaving Y/n be for a moment so she could decide on which foundation would work well for him. For a moment or two, he scrolled. The sound of Y/n humming softly kept the silence away as both of them took a moment to finish their tasks. After picking out the right foundation, Y/n turned back to her boyfriend with a bit of the pale liquid placed on her hand and a blender in hand. "While you do that, I think I found a good question," Alex looked back up at Y/n, allowing her to begin to put the coat of foundation on his skin. "What's my favorite food?" "You enjoy breakfast, but you also like pasta," She smiled, patting in the makeup. "I've made both of those meals for you plenty of times." "God, you're an amazing cook," he smiled softly, watching her as she focused. "Could we have pasta tonight?" "Of course, Bubba. But what about me? What's my favorite food?" "you don't have a favorite, every time I think I know what's your favorite food you change it. First it was Chinese food, then you went to salads, afterward was acai bowls, and I think the last time I asked you said mangos." "Yeah, there's no point in lying. I change my favorite food too often," Y/n giggled, taking a moment to place the blender back down. "I think right now it's Vegetarian pizza." "That actually doesn't sound too terrible," Alex took a moment to glance at the camera before looking back to Y/n. "Do you think we could have that tonight instead of pasta?" "Yeah, sure bubba," she replied while picking up some concealer. "How do have such good skin, Al?" "I don't know. I wash my face in the shower, toss some cold water on my face every now and then, it's not really that complicated for me." "Well it's not fair," Letting out a huff of air, Y/n applied the concealer to Alex's face. "Actually, maybe it is with the bags under your eyes." She turned to the camera, pausing what she was doing. "Guys, this boy stays up so late. One night he called me at like, 2 AM and asked me if I wanted to go out to McDonald's with him... of course, I said yes." "I remember that night, I think it was one of my favorite moments with you," he let out a soft chuckle. He could remember giving Y/n one of his hoodies that night. As Y/n started with bronzer, someone had walked into the living room. "Oh, are we doing Alex's makeup this time? Could I join this video?" George grinned, stepping behind the camera so he couldn't be seen. "No George." "Why?" "Remember the last time you did Alex's makeup?" "Yeah, and he looked beautiful," George let out a small giggle as he thought about what Alex looked like when he tried to apply makeup to his face. "Don't you think he looked good, Y/n?" "Alex always looks good, but the fact you used a foundation brush to apply eyeshadow to his face tells me I shouldn't trust you with his makeup," Y/n had turned back to Alex, continuing to work on his bronzer. "If you actually wanna do his makeup, you can film a video with him later. I don't want you to mess up this makeup look I'm planning." "Guys, George is pouting behind the camera," Alex glanced to his roommate, who was making a fake pouting face as Y/n worked. "Go away, George!" There was a moment of silence as Y/n worked on Alex's highlighter, ignoring the existence of Alex's flatmate as she worked. Eventually, George disappeared back into his bedroom once he had received a text message from someone. "He's gone." "Thank god, I love Georgie but sometimes he can just get on my nerves so easily," y/n let out a huff of breath as she swapped the highlighter out for blush and a different brush. "Yeah, anyway I'm gonna get back to looking for more questions," Alex hummed softly, opening his phone back up. "Move too much and I'll mess up your makeup on purpose," Y/n began to work on placing the rosy powder against her boyfriend's cheekbones. "Don't worry about it," he replied while beginning to scroll through the plenty of replies he received over the blue app. "What is Y/n's go-to Starbucks order?" "I really like a nice iced latte with coconut milk," she smiled, taking a moment to admire the work she had done so far on Alex's face. "you enjoy their cappuccinos, don't you?" "you know it," Alex let out a soft chuckle, watching his girlfriend. The way she always looked at him always made him feel so happy. "God, I love you." "I love you more," Y/n grinned, leaning in for a kiss. during the sweet moment, everything around them seemed to disappear as their lips were connected. Even after pulling away from each other, both of them held a smile on their face. "Anyways, I think we should get started on your eyeshadow." The h/c girl picked up a palette that had been laid out on the coffee table with the rest of the makeup, flashing it to the camera. "Since we used your palette in the last video, I thought we could use one of mine this time. I just chose James Charles's palette because why not?" While opening the palette, Y/n muttered a few extra words, "Shane and Jeffree are also incredibly problematic and I refuse to support them." "Tempted to throw that palette out the window as soon as we're finished with this video," Alex closed his eyes, waiting for Y/n to apply the eyeshadow. "If you actually do that, we need to film that," Y/n let out a giggle. "For your eyeshadow, I think we should go for a classic pink look. So I think I'm gonna use 'skip' first, then add on a bit of 'pinkity drinkity' and 'literally' afterward." "Who let James name his eyeshadows?" Alex let out a sigh, peaking one of his eyes open to look at Y/n while she applied 'skip' to his left eyelid. "I'm not sure, Bubba. Maybe you could ask him yourself," she shook her head as she pulled the eyeshadow brush away, going to collect more of the warm color known as 'skip.' "Close both of your eyes, please." A moment of silence passed as Y/n worked on Alex's eyeshadow, meanwhile his hand found its way to her thigh as she worked. Eventually, Y/n told Alex he could open his eyes as she put the palette back down on the table. "Jesus, Y/n... I don't know how you're so good with makeup," Alex took a second to admire himself in the mirror placed on the coffee table with the rest of the makeup. "Years of practice, bubba," she turned back to her boyfriend, a new item in hand. "Time for eyeliner." "Oh god... promise not to get it in my eye?" "Relax, Al. I've had to deal with teaching my 12 year old cousin not to flinch while I taught them how to use eyeliner properly. I think I can handle not getting it in your eyes." Y/n inched closer to her boyfriend, placing a leg over his lap to get closer to him. She carefully placed her thumb on one of his temple's bringing the eyeliner down against his eyelid. Gently, she worked on perfecting both wings on him while mumbling, soft 'good job, bubba,' and 'you're doing amazing.' Once she was happy with the final result, Y/n pulled away from Alex, letting him see himself in the mirror. "How are you feeling about fake eyelashes?" "No." "No?" "No, Y/n." "Fine," she let out a huff of breath once more, placing the eyeliner on the table. "Are you done with everything?" Alex looked to Y/n with a small smile, wrapping an arm around her waist. "Yeah, I think so," she smiled, leaning against Alex's chest while looking down into the mirror at Alex. "You forgot lipstick or gloss or something." "Fuck! That's no fair! Lemme put some on you!" Y/n snatched a tube of lipstick up from the coffee table, going to try and put it on her boyfriend's lips. "No, you didn't let me finish putting makeup on your face, I'm not gonna let you finish yours," Alex moved her hands away from his face with a smirk. "You know what? Fuck it," Y/n turned to the mirror, beginning to place the lipstick on her own lips. As soon as enough was applied, she turned back to Alex, cupping his cheeks with her hands and pulling him in for a passionate kiss. After a moment, she pulled away, "Did it work? Did you get at least a tint of color on your lips?" Alex turned, looking into the mirror to check, "I think I might have gotten a bit on me." "Yes!" Y/n let out a giggle, grinning at the camera, "I win!" As Alex wrapped an arm around Y/n's waist once again, he playfully rolled his eyes before looking back to the camera. "Alright, I think that brings our second makeup video to an end," he quickly placed a kiss on Y/n's forehead before continuing the outro. "Y/n's social medias will be plugged in the description below and the makeup she used too. Thank you everybody for watching this video, If you guys did enjoy and would like to see more videos with Y/n, leave a like-" "And subscribe if you're new!" Y/n chirped in with a smile. Alex's smile only grew wider as he heard his girlfriend help with the outro. "And we'll see you guys in the next one, have a good day." And just like that, the recording had come to an end.

Taglist: @anyasthoughts @multifandom-but @blondiee-seaveyy @springholland @caswinchester2000

[bokuroaka]

hi! can i ask how u made ur carrd like what are the settings? ty!

omg YES i love carrd making hi anon. if there’s anything specific u want just lmk!! under the cut bc its long... i make most of my carrds on desktop so this is very desktop based.... to all of u who do ur carrds on mobile honestly kudos i cld never

uhm also when i say long like this is v long bc i added a lot of reasoning to my settings n tips that i’ve picked up on making carrds (plus the screenshots) i hope it helps tho ^_^ apologies if u knew most of this stuff tho bc i explained... everything...

some notes before we get in: for colors i usually just base everything off the sidebar image and use a color picking website (i use this one) to get the the html codes for colors. the site i use also generates a palette which i also use! ur free to use anything tho obv. the font i used is “inter” 

1. ok first here are my page settings! i wont include my animation settings now ill leave that to the end.. these r rlly the only settings that i’ve changed so i’ll just post these.

ok i dont rlly change much except for these two, the position is set to top not center (which is the default) b/c esp w carrds like the one i have now i dont like the header portion moving depending on the height of the container underneath... does that make sense? that’s just super nitpicky of me LOL but if u do end up making the carrd n playing around w the settings u’ll see what i mean

the width is set to 22 bc i like small carrds! play around w this as u see fit, i also change it depending on how it looks like in mobile (im very thorough lol) if ur wondering how u can do that on desktop, its this phone looking icon on this bar on the top right of the screen: (the 6th icon!)

the next pic is also default settings except my spacing is set to 0. i’ll explain why later! the alignment also doesnt really matter w/ this carrd. u can play around with it tho!

2. this is for the home page!

first i’ll explain how this is set up: the title box and the box under it (i’ll call it info box) are both containers! here is why i put set the spacing to 0 earlier: if u put 2 containers theres going to be space btwn them and to achieve this kind of look (ig) i just set the page spacing (in the page settings) to 0. however this means that everything is going to be pressed up against each other so i usually just add dividers (which are transparent [color code is #96969600]) i wont post a screenshot bc the settings r default, except for the margins which u can play around with to see what works for u (it’s set to 0.375 for me rn)

here are my settings for the title box 

most of these r pretty standard except for the padding and border. the reason why i didnt tick the bottom part is bc of the container w all my info underneath. both containers have borders so the bottom & top border of those containers wld just merge n create a thicker border which isnt what i was looking for... anyway.

then i just add a text element & just write my title! idt my settings for that r relevant so i wont add it (the text size is 0.875)

next is the info box! here are my settings: 

btw this is a container with columns!! those can look p wonky on mobile so make sure to have these settings on so that they wont look awful on mobile!!

oh also i wont post a screenshot of my text settings (text size is 0.75 + line spacing is 1.25) if ur wondering how i changed colors for some of the text the format is basically just [text]{#color} 

for the image size i set the width size to full (or full column) that depends on u (and how much text u put in the info part) i just prefer how it looks like when the image width is set to full bc that way no part of the image is cut off... really depends on u and what image ur using though so just play around w/ it!!

and in terms of spacing, i have a divider on top of the title box b/c otherwise the whole thing is just too high up for my taste

ok now to explain the header part and how i got my title/info box to stay “fixed”

so... im ngl. i dont understand how the header function works (help) so uhh i wont go as into detail here. but what worked for me is adding a header marker (the plus thing on the bar > control > change section break to header marker) right after the info container, then adding a section break (this one is called #wala bc wala here means ‘nothing’ in bisaya lol) and a transparent divider right after it. i hope its visible in the pic... anyway this is the only method i found that makes the carrd work lmao. it rlly doesnt matter what u name the #wala section break bc its not gonna show up so u might as well just use a keysmash

3. the extra info!! (extra, interests, byf)

this section will b shorter compared to the first two LOL anyway. first i started off w a section break (#usa which means 1 in bisaya hehe), then a transparent divider for spacing, and then a container! theres nothing fancy abt this container it has the exact same settings as the info box above so u can just duplicate that container and change the container type from columns to default.

then just add ur info and ur done!! repeat w whatever extra info u want to add (i only had 3 to add so it looks like this for me)

4. oh before i forget, these are my animation settings!! (page > the triangle thing)

u can preview the on load animation by clicking the triangle button on the top right bar, but for the on section change animations u have to save then preview it on ur carrd itself :/ kinda annoying but yeah... i usually never set anything above 0.5 seconds for on section change animations bc im impatient LOL 

these r completely optional tho... i just think animations make the carrd look smoother & more fun!

thats it i think! here are some tips i have

1. this tip is abt how carrds can differ when on mobile! i sometimes fiddle around with the mobile settings to make sure my carrd looks the way i want it to on mobile! bc mobile sometimes fucks up the spacing and it annoys me LOL... example here: 

u can find these settings if u scroll down a bit on the page settings and switch mobile from auto to manual (like in the screenshot) most of the settings i dont touch except the size setting, i just fiddle around w it and see how my carrd looks in the mobile view until im satisfied

2. this isnt rlly necessary but its smthn neat i picked up! if u check ur section break settings and check hide footer u can get rid off the “( made with carrd )” text on the bottom! i think it just makes the carrd look a bit neater, esp since the page spacing is set to 0 so it might look a little squished under the container...

3. i like to use all elements of my carrd efficiently (ig? heres the engineering major jumping out) and idk if u noticed, but if u click on the title (”it has always been once for me”) or the image (which is... of tbz..) it actually takes u back to the home page ^^ idk i just think small things like that r neat 

thats it for real!! i hope this wasnt too much of a hassle to read or follow through, and if u have any questions dont hesitate to dm me or send me an ask, even if we arent mutuals!! i hope u have fun making this carrd <3

[cyberaxolotl]

Tricks Over Treats

two versions woo hee

and then the writing piece to go along with it

“An Alternate Desire”

For an all popular DJ, he had a lot more to know about him than what was known to the public, some of which stayed shrouded in mystery to even his boyfriend and closest friends. One of the things he did make very clear to anyone who saw him around that time of year was that he was a HUGE fan of Halloween. Spooky jack-o-lanterns, sweets, costumes, he still thoroughly enjoyed it, even as an adult. He loved remixing classic Halloween tunes to add a more techno vibe to them, and that wasn’t going to change any time soon. And finally, he loved the scares; he was willing to be a bit sick around that time of year with his jokes, as anything scary was widely accepted and usually expected.

Especially not now, when there’s a Halloween party for all the musicians in Rhythm Heaven to attend, as well as any plus 1’s they might wish to have with them. Hosted by the rap men (obviously) and having as many different types of music as you could think of playing one after the other in the main hall, it was going to be a great party to have a good laugh. And for everyone to see any friends they had made since the Battle Of The Bands.

DJ Yellow, of course, had Blue with him. While his boyfriend wasn’t the biggest fan of that scary time of year, he still enjoyed talking to some of the others and seeing them all happy.

“I need to put my costume on in the car, but I’ll be inside in just a moment!” DJ Yellow said, nudging his partner while they were in the entrance hall.

“…Why didn’t you just put it on while we were at the apartment?” Blue asked, turning around. His costume itself was rather plain, he was just dressed as a vampire with a little bit of fake blood on his chin, but he was perfectly happy with that. It was one of the few times of year when he’d go out with his dreadlocks down, too.

“Cause! I wanted it to be a surprise for you too!” Deej gave a quick finger gun, before slipping out the door. His boyfriend sighed, feeling only mildly inconvenienced that he’d need to be alone at a party for a few minutes, and moreover very anxious. He never was one for direct social interaction.

As he walked into the main hall, he was immediately addressed. “Heeey, Blue!” A happy sounding, higher pitched voice called out to him, and he immediately knew who it was. “Where’s Yellow?” B.B. Rocker asked him, standing shorter than him and only around his chest height.

“Yellow’s in the car putting his costume on. Chances are, he just forgot to put it on at home.” He replied, looking down at his friend. They wore a costume that was… on the stranger side, but not out of character for them. It was an orange-white tabby cat suit with a denim dress put on over it, a pair of matching cat ears sitting in their ginger hair. They looked rather cute, if Blue’s bisexual ass could say so himself.

“Ah, so did J.J. He’s getting changed in the bathroom.” They turned away, looking down another hallway in the back of that room.

Blue sighed. “Oh boy…”

“What?”

“J.J.’s here, Yellow’s gonna be here soon. Chances are sometime in the night that is not going to end well.” He folded his arms, glancing away. There were certainly a lot of people there, like MC Adore and her love posse all in matching costumes, the Pop Singer Yui in a cutesy zombie outfit, and apparently even the rap women had managed to slip in, as Rosebud and Sapphie were happily talking to a trio of ghosts. What stood out to him, though, was the fact that the rap men were nowhere to be seen. If they were hosting that gig, they should’ve either been in the entrance hall greeting people, or in the main hall talking.

“Oh, you’re right. Guess we’ll just have to hope they don’t directly cross paths and say something shitty to each other, huh?” B.B. sighed as well, holding the back of their neck.

“You know it’s more likely for J.J. to say something shitty than for Yellow to. Yellow’s not an asshole, he’s just a…” Blue went quiet as he lost his words.

“…A snarky asshole?”

“That.” He motioned in confirmation to them. He looked back over at the rap women, noticing that the Big Rock Finish ghosts were leaving. “I’m gonna go ask the rap women where their brothers are, if Yellow comes in, tell him I’ll be right back.”

“Alrighty!” With that, he walked away, leaving B.B. by the entrance.

As he got closer to the snack table, he was able to tell what Rosebud and Sapphie were wearing as costumes. They were matching, as expected from the two of them, and had gone for a western theme. Rosebud was dressed as a saloon dancer, a crimson skirt falling to the back of her ankles and a corset tied around her waist. It also seemed that she had taken the opportunity to wear something only a bit more revealing than her usual outfits. Sapphie was dressed as a cowgirl, hiding her eyes in the shadow of a ten gallon hat, and wearing open bottom pants. The two certainly matched, but had their own ways of doing it, the mutual color palette between their costumes tying it together.

“Excuse me, girls?” He asked, and the two turned over to face him.

“Oh, hi Blue.” Sapphie humbly waved at him, smiling. “Do you need something?”

“I don’t, but I want to ask- where are your brothers?” The two ladies' expressions tensed.

“Jasper and Goldie? Uh…” Rosebud’s eyebrows furrowed. “…I don’t know, actually. Sapphire?” She looked up at her girlfriend.

The taller woman shrugged. “I haven’t seen either of them since they left the recording studio, but they’re probably somewhere around here. Sorry, Blue.”

“Hm.” Blue looked skeptical, glancing behind him. “Alright then. I need to go back to B.B., you two have fun.” He turned around, his dreadlocks nearly whipping him in the face.

“Bye-bye!” Rosebud said as he walked away.

When he got back over to his rock student friend, they looked confused. “Is something wrong, B.B?” He asked, and they turned to him.

“No, no, nothing. Just… JJ is taking an awful long while to put his costume on. He went in just before you arrived.” They put a hand behind their head, “We’re supposed to be a cat and a dog, so he might be struggling with the suit or something.”

“Now that you mention it, if Yellow is taking this long to put it on, then he really should’ve put it on at the apartment-“

As if on cue, the door opened, and DJ Yellow slid in overdramatically. Since nobody noticed him except BB and Blue, he got up in one quick motion, turning over to them. “Hey guys!” He said happily, walking over. His costume was made of… really dark colors, something completely out of character for him. It was all black with a dark red cape that made his neck completely covered, looking completely out of place while paired with his unaltered hair and headphones. For reasons neither of them could decipher, he also carried a lit jack-o-lantern.

“Hey Yellow..?” BB raised an eyebrow, giving a short wave.

“…” Blue spent several seconds trying to decipher what his lover was wearing, before sighing. “Yellow, what are you supposed to be?”

The DJ walked over and leaned against his taller counterpart’s arm as though he was trying to lean against his shoulder but was just too short to do so. “A surprise.”

“That’s what you said when you were putting ON the costume.” The sarcastic remark made Yellow chuckle.

“Yes, but what I’m gonna do in this costume is also a surprise.”

“Just tell us what the costume is, Deej!” The rockstar leaned in, and mysterious refusal after cryptic refusal soon descended into laughter and casual conversation. It was rare for Yellow to oblige to interact with BB, but Blue was glad that they could get along on a night like that.

But… he still couldn’t downplay it.

Something was wrong.

Or off.

Yellow didn’t sound like himself, nor did his mouth follow his words. His mouth had a delay compared to his words, as though his head and his voice box were working as two separate parts rather than as the same body. His voice sounded less like his smug and casual self was talking and more like some kind of modulation, as though a robot with his voice was reading from a script and trying to sound like a person.

Blue chalked it up to one of two things. One idea was that the tragedy striking Heaven World had hailed itself down to Earth World and struck the man right before him- they were called Alternates, and they took the places of people, making themselves look completely like them- except they had the ability to do things that were biologically impossible, like rip their head off and live, or be engulfed in flames and come out without a scar. Both of those things were examples that Heaven World had given out across the entire land, as they were things they had tried to do to kill Alternates. So far, though, the only way discovered to kill an Alternate was to stab it in the third eye, which appeared somewhere on the body and was usually a spot like the arm, neck, or leg.

What Alternates did with people was unknown, but all that was figured out was the disappearances of many, many real people, and the replacement and spreading of fake versions.

DJ Yellow was either an alternate… or pulling a sick joke and pretending to be one. It wasn’t far fetched to expect him to pull a downright awful joke like that at a Halloween party, so Blue shrugged it off like nothing, knowing that he was probably the only one at that party who paid attention to news from Heaven World. Considering that the DJ hadn’t started acting weird like that until they HAD reached the party, it seemed more logical than just immediately assuming the person before him was fake.

A few hours passed. Music played, fatty and sweet food was eaten, and musicians and their plus 1’s spoke to one another. Only a few minutes after their conversation had happened, the rap men entered the main hall from the back, dressed in matching costumes that looked like zombies. It depended on the person whether or not watching them question how the fuck their sisters had gotten in was entertaining or not, but the girls weren’t kicked out either way.

Everything seemed to be pulling together finely, until…

JJ and Yellow hadn’t seen each other at all that night, until at one point, the DJ was asked to get an alcoholic drink from the kitchen. The alcohol wasn’t out freely at the snack tables, just to make sure nobody accidentally drank liquor or beer over dyed punch, so people would usually ask their partner to get a drink for them from the back.

JJ was returning from the back hall just as Yellow was descending down it, and it seemed the rockstar couldn’t resist a small remark. “And what are you supposed to be?” He said as the two were about to cross paths.

DJ Yellow stopped in his place, a cocky smirk on his face. “The headless horseman, obviously.” He held up the jack-o-lantern, holding it in front of his head.

“You have a head, DJ.” The other musician glared, raising an eyebrow.

There was a sudden tension in the air as the two realized they were alone in that hallway, and the door to the main hall was completely shut. “You think so?” Yellow turned his head and raised an eyebrow. Before JJ could even say anything-

He thrust the jack-o-lantern backwards.

It slammed into his head and he fell backwards, the lit candle squishing against his face and setting his hair on fire, hot wax falling onto his skin. JJ was stunned silent as he watched DJ Yellow’s body stand up without his head, leaving the smoldering wax and flesh on the floor. “Isn’t this a funny costume, JJ?” All of the remnants of his original voice were replaced by the whispering, fake voice of an alternate person.

“Wh- wha- what the fuck-?!” The rockstar couldn’t scream, he could only let out hushed curses. What he saw didn’t feel real in the slightest. As the other man stood up, he could see that the place where his head and his neck had separated held no arteries or bones, but only one bloodshot yellow eye. Blood leaked down his neck as his head smoldered in flames, melting as though it in itself was made of wax.

DJ Yellow stood back up. He turned around and picked up the pile of wax, human flesh, and pumpkin flesh, shaping it back together with his hands. “The look on your face- I don’t think I’ve ever been more entertained!” He laughed, “You’d never believe how long I’ve been waiting to pull that trick. I love being in the body of someone who finds jokes funny!” With that, he put his head back on his neck, tying his cape carefully so that the blood of his neck was veiled.

He walked right up to the rockstar’s face, leaning close.

“Be lucky this isn’t Heaven World.”

so yeah there’s your “yellow becomes a fucking cryptid” writing piece lmao

[quiet-kunoichi]

“ please….stay, just for tonight. ”

[ misc quotes meme | @suck-my-tomato | verse; post-modern ]

She had come over.

Well, that's not entirely true. Initially, Sasuke had showed up to her apartment after a missed call from her, followed by a quick [text:] im sorry about that. So; in lieu of their weird and strangled conversation the other night, where he offered his support any time she felt close to relapsing (or otherwise, but he wasn't ready to say that aloud just yet) -- Sasuke's slingshot brain thought of the worst conclusion and immediately called her back. But in fact, the call back wasn't so immediate, after all. It had been forty minutes since she had attempted initial contact. She doesn't pick up, and her awkward and uncertain voice tells him 'sorry you missed me. uh, yeah - leave a message and i'll get back to you .. eventually. probably.' The beep of her voicemail catches him off guard; a weird beat of silence begins the message before he mutters a quick, "Hey.. I hope you're alright-- Call me, okay?" Minutes pass with him staring expectantly at the screen. She doesn't call him back; he curses himself for getting caught up in his most recent painting. Unable to contain the swirl of emotions, Sasuke rises to his restless feet. He paces the room a few times, biting at the skin of his lip and glancing over to his blackened phone screen now and again. He even tried sitting back down at his canvas, picking up the brush and the palette again: just to get his mind off of it. Sasuke knew it would be pushing boundaries if he just showed up because she didn't reply in.. twelve minutes. "She's probably fine," He told the room, the drying paint, himself. But clearly he wasn't certain enough - because when his phone vibrates against the coffee table, Sasuke risks the detailed linework by nearly diving out of his seat to snatch his phone. But his once high-strung heart was now rocking heavy in his gut and making him seasick. Just a text from Naruto. He doesn't even bother to read it - instead pulling up the sporadic text conversation with Kimiko and rereading her short message as if he could read between the lines. Fuck it. In cases of recovering addicts, sometimes boundaries would have to be pushed; he was personally familiar. So, Sasuke snatched his car keys from their place beside the door and heads for her apartment. His hands were clammy and stuck to the steering wheel with an iron grip the whole time. What was he going to walk in on? Would this behavior bring up old, bruised memories - would it roll their hesitant friendship back a few steps? Maybe she truly didn't mean to call; maybe she was not even home. Or she was home, but had someone else over. That thought tightened his throat. But nothing compared to the nagging gnat of trauma whispering something much more foul in his ear: perhaps he didn't come soon enough, and the apartment would already be empty. Worse yet - a repeat of the scene he came across a few months ago. No. Sasuke refused to let his brain run down that beaten path: instead, he barely made it through a yellow light and parked on the street across from her apartment building. The next time he blinked, Sasuke was standing in front of her door, fist hanging in the air. Had he already knocked? He can't remember. Kimiko hadn't even the time to quickly soak up the leftover water from her hair and wrap up decently when the second knock came. It sends a zip of fear up her spine; her mouth is gummy, so she cannot even reply. She just wraps the nearest towel tightly around herself and quickly ( and carefully ) pads over to the front door of her rather.. 'minimalistic' apartment. No, she hadn't unpacked fully, yet. It wasn't that she was expecting to pick up and disappear at the drop of a hat; it was just too hard a task, truthfully. Opening the door a crack (seeing as this apartment didn't have the foresight to install peepholes) Kimiko peers through a sliver, a single dull yellow eye landing upon his face. Oh --

Blinking a few times, Kimiko's death grip on her door is slackened in surprise. The door comes open a few more inches, and reveals that she indeed just got out of the bath. "..Sasuke?" She questions, as though the man before her might chameleon into someone else with her next blink. He stammers a reply; an apology - and she tells herself that the color of his cheeks was likely due to the strangeness of his voice, because she could not picture any other reason why he'd feel embarrassed. "H-hey. Uh, I'm sorry. I was just --" He's struggling to figure out how to express his thoughts coherently while she's standing there with her hair dripping and a towel tucked tightly around her slender frame. "You didn't answer, so.. I'm just checking in on you." Was it more awkward to look at her while she was sorta-kinda indecent, or more glaringly awkward to obviously not look at her at all? Her neighbor's door opens; Sasuke is ogled at from across the hall. Kimiko's stare slides over and the decision is made for her: she opens the door and gingerly takes his wrist, beckoning him inside. Closing the door behind him and locking ( the knob, the dead bolt, the chain, the swing-bar guard ) it, Kimiko turns to him and draws his attention back from where it wandered about her empty apartment. Well - mostly empty. Suppose the issue of not having any clutter or decorations was that a lone bottle of whiskey appeared like a glaring centerpiece on her coffee table. She'll behave as though it didn't exist. "Sorry. It's nothing personal; she stares at me, too." Kimiko murmurs, catching that telltale look of concern hardly concealed in his stare as he turns back to her. "Kimiko.." His voice is careful, as though they stood on thin ice and he was chancing the very real possibility that whatever he would say next could make them fall through and catch hypothermia. "I should get dressed," She'd reply, dipping her head and passing him by on her way back to the bathroom. Despite her hope that he would ignore the obvious, too - Kimiko returns to the front room once dressed, and Sasuke is leaning his weight into the arm of her couch rather than sitting upon it. She catches him in a staring contest with the bottle of liquor. Arms tucked across her midsection, she stands adjacent to him and awaits the backfire from being caught -- even if she hadn't indulged in it (yet). "I'm sorry I didn't pick up." Instead of scolding her, Sasuke apologizes. It's.. strange, but quietly welcomed in the stead of worse repercussions. She doesn't respond, because she doesn't know quite how to. So, with fingers steepled and head dipped to the floor between them, he speaks up again; but it's not without strain. "I know I said I'd be available for support if you needed it-" She's expecting him to follow this sentence with a 'but I said it too soon' or a 'but I changed my mind', and she doesn't want the heartache that would follow hearing that kind of statement, so Kimiko cuts him off. "It's fine, Sasuke. Really.. I'm fine." She shouldn't lie like that, but old habits die painfully slow. At last, his gaze lifts and they share a look; one that's hard to place. She knows that he knows she's lying, and she swallows the guilt and shame that comes with that. "I didn't have any. The cap is sealed, if you want to check." She offers the olive branch, and Sasuke truly considers it: but decides against it, in an attempt to show his trust in her claim. Even still, a short sigh escapes her; fingers come up to rub at her eye. Now having a proper look at her, Sasuke recognizes an old shirt she used to wear in high school. It draws attention to how much she's thinned down since then, the fabric now loose in places that it used to hold onto her curves. Dark crescents are worn like ghosts under her eyes, her cheekbones are taut and pronounced in a way he hasn't noticed before. Kimiko speaks up before he has the chance. "I did think about it," She admits, sounding tired. "And I did call," Another admittance, this one with a twinge more shame behind it. He gives a little wince. "But I walked away from it." A half-hearted shrug follows. Actually, she had tossed her phone on the couch and fled to the bathroom, mid-panic attack and desperate to scald and then simmer in a soup of flashbulb memories: just so she could watch them wash down the drain with the soapy bathwater. But a knock on the door interrupted that sequence, and now here they both were.

"It's okay that you didn't answer. I know that .." She hesitates, the fingers at her side starting to pluck at the edge of her shirt. "I know you're busy, with stuff." Ah, real smooth, Kimiko. That totally wasn't obvious. Her lips press firm, and she can no longer bear to hold his gaze, so she drops her own while slowly curling her grip over opposite arm. "And I'm fine to handle it on my own. I've done it before." Yeah, that probably wasn't the best thing to add in, either. "I was working on a painting." Sasuke replies, then turns over his palms to expose the flecks and streaks of paint that litter his pale skin. He's not sure why he felt like she needed the visual proof; but she had offered some tactile evidence with the sealed cap to her bottle of whiskey, earlier - and he wanted to extend the same offering in exchange. To make it a two-lane street, like his therapist had mentioned last week. Before her.. self-inflicted incident - Kimiko had been the only one expressing her efforts to make amends. He wasn't proud of the result; so now, in light of the aftermath: Sasuke wanted to try, too. "Oh." She replies, dumbly. "Um," Umber hues roam around the room, but he continues to look up at her. "..Sorry you came all the way out here to check on me. I didn't have my phone, I was in the bath, and-" Her fingers are plucked from her side and engulfed by the dual caress of both of his palms. He holds her small hand in his own, and places his other hand on top. It strikes her heart, giving it a kickstart as she looks between their clasped hands and back up to him. "Don't apologize." He begins, "I came to check on you because I wanted to." A thumb runs over the top of her hand, trying to soothe. Instead it just gets her heart in a weird flutter; unused to this intimacy, even after all this time. Or, perhaps especially after all this time. "I see." Is her quiet reply. Parting his lips, Sasuke realizes that she's transfixed on her hand sandwiched between his own. He returns it, but admittedly, it isn't without some reluctance: like pulling apart two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle after finally connecting their uneven ends. "..Have you eaten?" He asks, and she appears dumbfounded by the question. "What?" It comes from her mouth laced in confusion. "Have you had dinner? I parked by a sushi restaurant and I was thinking of ordering takeout." He looks up at her expectantly: Kimiko clearly hasn't been eating well enough, and he wouldn't let that slide by him. So, without an answer - Sasuke is already pulling up the menu on his phone, swiping a finger down the menu. "Do you still like salmon, and eel?" He gives her an upward glance; she's getting obviously flustered. "Sasuke.." Now it was her turn to lace her voice with the careful and wary tone of warning. It dawns on him, then -- He'd just invited himself to stay in her space. Casually, too: as if it were commonality. It hadn't been, not in a long time. The realization ( and deflation ) must have been rather obviously etched upon his features, because Kimi is quick to the draw and apologizing. "I'm sorry, it's just- I don't mean-" His hand comes up, and she quiets down. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have jumped the gun like that." He rises to his feet, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. "It's not like that,.." She trails off, and without transparency, Sasuke decides to play it safe. "It's okay to be uncomfortable, Kimiko. You've done well to respect my boundaries, and I don't want to push you. I'm glad you didn't relapse." They stand there for a few beats more - until he can't take it anymore, all the things left unsaid hanging between them; he heads for the door. "Sasuke, wait." Kimiko's voice is pressed with a twinge of urgency; she's gone as far as to take a few strides and grasp for his wrist. When he stops and looks down at her over his shoulder, Kimiko reflects the little girl at the playground all those years ago: doe-eyed, perpetually a tad afraid, knowing what she wanted but not yet certain on how to ask for it. She lets go of his wrist and returns her hands to herself, one arm still tucked around her center as the now free hand comes up to collect a strand of her hair. Sasuke turns to face her properly.

"It's not that I don't want to spend time with you," She begins to explain, pressing the knuckle of her finger ( wrapped with a coil of dark hair ) into her cheek. "I really appreciate the offer of sushi, and.. your time." A little inaudible gulp, and a stolen glance back up at him. "I just don't want to be here, really." At last, she's admitted the true hang-up to this entire situation. Slowly, his eyebrows raise -- he understands where her reluctance is coming from, almost immediately. "Kimiko, did he send-?" His concerned question is cut off with a quick toss of her head: No. Or, more likely: No, I don't want to talk about this right now. With a nod of acknowledgement, Sasuke folds his lips before proposing a solution. "Do you want to take the sushi to my place, then? We could watch a movie." His offer is received with a hopeful look on her part: like he had offered a child if they'd like to get ice-cream instead of doing their homework. "..Are you sure?" She has to ask, and it brings a little smile from him, exhaling through his nose. "Yeah, I'm sure." ------------- So their night together had officially begun; ( Kimiko did in fact still like salmon and eel ) - sushi was secured, the drive to his place was shared in amicable silence with the background of music, and the movie was picked effortlessly. Of course, she had perked up after that first ( and hesitant ) bite - and also to nobody's surprise, Kimiko had easily agreed to the movie he suggested; for it was a movie that she was planning to watch, anyway. The night played on without a single scratch or trip in the record, and conversations flowed back and forth without a hitch. They were truly getting along without so much as a hiccup or awkward pause along the way. Now satisfied and lulled, Kimiko was starting to drift upon his couch, curled against the pillow between them. The TV screen washed in red, and Sasuke hums in amusement, dipping his ear towards his shoulder and murmuring, "I guess you were right, Brenda didn't last longer than Stacy. Still, I don't think there's going to be a Final Girl." Kimiko hums something nonsensical, half-muffled by the pillow she'd nuzzled down into. Properly looking over now, Sasuke double-takes the scene beside him; and his heart swells. She was ..well, undoubtedly cute, curled up and dozing off in the smack-middle of a slasher movie. In the moment of privacy, Sasuke unfolds into an unseen smile. A few moments pass as he studies her sleep-slackened face, peaceful and unmarred from bruises or tears. Picturesque from their early highschool years. A little sigh escapes his nostrils, the familiar sense of nostalgia clutching him. Reaching forward, Sasuke plucks the remote from the coffee table and turns down the movie a notch or two before rising to his feet and taking care of the takeout boxes. She's done well to eat most of her food; he's proud that she made the effort. Returning to the couch, Sasuke brings with him a clean blanket from his storage closet. Gingerly, it's draped over the slumbering girl. He returns to her side, arms stretching into his wingspan across the back of the couch. His weight pressing into the cushions beside her causes Kimiko to stir; she tucks herself closer to him, nose following his familiar scent and notching against his shoulder. Sasuke stills in his spot as his old flame stitches slowly back into his side, the familiarity in such an action eliciting a similar response from him. His arm lifts from the back of the couch; it hovers just over her shoulders before slowly settling upon her. A hand cups her arm, sinking down into his seat on the couch and feeling his heart hammer in his chest: God, how he felt like a teenager, again. Those first few instances of intimate physical contact with his best friend whom he had an enthralling crush on: it came rushing back in, now. That twist of excitement tightening his chest in all the right ways, a weird warm flutter in his gut.

Thumb slowly begins to slide up and down over her bicep, Sasuke looking right through the TV screen as he dares let his cheek lower, one centimeter at a time, until it brushes just over the top of her head. He could just close his eyes and be content like this, turn into a statue forever in this position that he didn't realize how much he truly missed. But a shrill shriek from the movie is enough to pull Kimiko from her dreams; eyes slowly blink open before she realizes the circumstance and quickly retreats from the intimate embrace. Kimiko's heart is thunderous in her ears as she reels from the comedown of her otherwise peaceful slumber - eyes rounded into full moons that blink at him while she tries to collect her surroundings. "I- God, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to- I just; I fell asleep." She's tripping over apologies and excuses for her 'inappropriate' behavior, and Sasuke's face is burning with the childish shame of being caught. Now he's flustered, too. "No- It's fine, really -uh, I didn't mind; you were just sleeping- I know." Their awkward dance stifled down into an even worse silence. His fingers twitched at the back of the couch, wanting to reach out and grip her arm so gently, to just quietly pull her in and tuck her under his chin, like the old times. But he doesn't, and her unforgiving grip on the pillow clutched to her chest slowly comes undone. Sasuke watches her, but again, she's receded back into her shell, unable to look over at him while coming down from the level of embarrassment she'd catapulted herself into. On the table between them, Sasuke's phone lights up with a text. Neither of them can see who its from, but Kimiko catches the time before the screen goes dark. "It's late.." She trails off; and he doesn't pick up on what she was insinuating. It was one in the morning, and he’d received a text. She could’ve read the name if she really tried, but she already had a good guess; and it made her stomach curdle. So, with a small swallow, Kimiko rubs her arm and starts to stand up. "I should get going." Suddenly, Sasuke understands - and he cannot bear the thought at this moment, not after all that's transpired: even if given the option this morning, he would've likely not felt any one particular way. Or maybe he would have - thoughts and feelings are scattered all over the place. But one thing was for certain, it was screaming in his head as she collected her things and tucked hair behind her ear, lingering; as though she were waiting for him to say something, anything, god damnit-- "Um, well. Thank you for dinner, and.. sorry I couldn't stay awake through the movie. Guess I'm aging fast," Her attempt at a little laugh breaks his heart. He feels like such an idiot, his tongue tangled into knots and sitting useless in his mouth, his body sewn into the couch. She must think he was just sitting there, waiting for her to excuse herself from his apartment on her own. Fuck. So much time has dragged by, when in reality it was only a single beat of silence before she cleared her throat softly and dropped her arms down. "Don't worry about driving me back, I know the bus routes." Her voice falters at the end, and suddenly, she's turned on her heel and heading with purpose towards his door - like ripping off a band aid. "Kimiko, wait-" Finally, words choke from his throat with his sheer desperation to keep her from leaving. Not again. Up on his feet now, Sasuke made it a whole three feet before realizing with subdued surprise that she had in fact ..waited. Almost as though she were hesitant to actually leave, in the first place. So, she stalls facing the front door and clutching her phone to her chest, lingering - waiting to hear him out. A single golden beam rolls over her shoulder and drinks him in, eyebrow dipped up in an expression of both uncertainty and hope. “ please... stay, just for tonight. ”

Slowly, quietly, Kimiko turns. They share a encapsulating moment, holding a tender stare from across the room. She recognizes the fear etched into his face - that telltale look of expectant abandonment, the childish shrinking away from his own vulnerability. Kimiko won’t leave him; not like she had, before. Before she weighed the fear of entangling him into her corrupted life against the knowledge that every time she slipped away and into the night, a little piece of his heart broke loose. So, as long as he would ask her to -- Kimiko would stay. He holds his heart in the base of his throat - truly expecting that she would turn back around and leave him here, alone. Maybe laugh at him for the inflated hope that she would stay for the night; be there when he woke up in the morning. Instead, Kimi breaks his expectations and approaches with careful, practiced steps - returning to his side. Without a hint of hesitation this time, Sasuke reaches out and scoops her into his embrace. His body was moving of its own accord, playing out the complicated desires of his heart. Kimiko doesn't fight it, nor does she still into ice. In fact, the girl just melts against him; doing what came naturally. It was second nature to tuck her head into the crook of his collarbone, to delicately slip her arms beneath his and hook her fingers into the fabric just over his shoulder blades. His chin rests atop her head, fingers gingerly running large, comforting circles over her back. Everything fell back into place; as natural and second-nature as breathing. There was no effort involved, in this moment of soft re-collision. Only a wish, on both of their parts - that this connection would have happened sooner. That their selfish games of head vs. heart would have been silenced and put out well before this night. Accompanying that desire was the hope that things would really be okay, this time: he would ask her to stay, and she would - he wouldn't mind, and it wouldn't be just for tonight. So, Kimiko had come over; and in the end, she wouldn’t leave his side unless he had asked her to.

[carmenlire]

Higher than the Big Trees Ch. 46

read chapter one

read on ao3

“When you said it would take a few hours to get ready, I thought you were joking.”

Alec looks up at Magnus, who’s standing by the drink cart with a martini. Careful not to move his head too much, he raises a brow. “Why would I joke about that?”

Shrugging a little, Magnus takes a sip of gin before wandering over to the couch. He lowers himself gracefully, crossing one leg over the other while he studies him.

“I���ve never known you to take more than half an hour to get ready. I didn’t know it took so much. . . effort to make you look so good on the red carpet, darling.”

Magnus’s voice is teasing and Alec laughs, shaking his head before wincing as the hair stylist pointedly shifts his head back into position with a harrumph.

“Everything you see on the red carpet is a carefully planned illusion,” Alec says dryly. “It takes a village, don’t you know.”

“I’m getting the idea,” Magnus replies with an arch look.

Looking up as the makeup artist nears, the room falls to its busy silence. There are muttered directions and the team surrounding Alec works like a well oiled machine. Hair finishes after another half hour or so but he’s not allowed to look at the mirror until his makeup is complete.

From the corner of his eye, Alec sees Magnus’s brows almost fly off his face as the makeup artist comes back to his side with an eyeshadow palette.

With a faint grin, Alec prods his boyfriend. “Yes?”

“I thought when you said the makeup team would be here at four, you meant-- I don’t know. Foundation, maybe a bit of concealer. I didn’t expect actual makeup.”

Looking up at the artist’s instruction, Alec focuses on not blinking as eyeliner is applied to his lower lid.

“I wear makeup sometimes. It’s usually for work-- concerts, award shows-- but I’ve been known to occasionally sport some eyeliner when I’m in the mood.”

“You’re so full of surprises,” Magnus replies and Alec hears the smile in his voice.

He smiles a little to himself and the next little while passes in silence. Once his makeup is finished, his chair is turned toward the vanity that had been set up in their living room.

Leaning towards the mirror, Alec studies his image.

He likes it.

It’s nothing too brazen but tonight’s a big night and he’d wanted to add a little extra something for the Grammys. His eyeshadow is dark, smoky, and there’s sharp silver eyeliner complementing the black. It adds depth to his eyes and will go well with his outfit for the night.

Shaking the hands of the team, Alec heads to the bedroom and changes into his tuxedo. It’s one of three outfits he’ll wear by the end of the night. Reaching for one of two hangers, he looks up as Magnus walks into the room.

“Getting dressed now, too?”

“Since you’re finally ready, I thought that was my cue to get dressed,” Magnus teases as he takes the other tux off the rack.

They turn to face each other and Alec stills, letting Magnus study his red carpet look with sharp eyes.

“So,” he asks, breaking the spell of silence that seems to have fallen over them. “What do you think?”

Humming a little, Magnus gives his face a thorough onceover. “I like it,” he says after another moment. “You’re certainly going to make an impression.”

“That’s the goal.”

They both change into their suits and Alec shrugs into his jacket as he looks up, the breath knocked out of him at the sight of his boyfriend in purple.

“That looks even better on you than it did on the hanger.”

Smoothing down his shirt, Magnus preens a bit. “It is my first awards show and I’m accompanying the Alec Lightwood. I have to dress my best.”

“You could be wearing a burlap sack and still look edible.”

Raising a brow, Magnus echoes, “Edible, huh?”

“Yeah.” Alec’s voice lowers a bit as he nears him, just to place a kiss at the corner of his eye. “You’ll fit right in.”

Pulling back, Alec turns toward the door as he looks at Magnus over his shoulder. “I’m gonna go out for last minute alterations. You still need to finish your makeup right?”

Magnus waves him on. “Yes, I do. I’ll be out whenever I’m done.”

Alec takes his cue, grinning as he leaves their bedroom. Magnus had done his hair and most of his makeup earlier. There were just a few finishing touches to complete before they were ready to leave for Madison Square Garden.

Leaving him to it, Alec lets the design team fuss over his outfit, making sure it drapes perfectly over his frame. It’s nothing wild-- a standard black tuxedo with black satin trim. While he’d gone for more colorful or interesting suits in the past, Alec hadn’t wanted anything that screamed statement this year. He was only nominated in two categories-- Record and Song of the Year, respectively-- and was going more for moral support to a few friends than any real hope that he’d win.

Plus, he was looking forward to bringing Magnus. When he’d offered his plus one to his boyfriend, he’d been a little hesitant. It was the Grammys, for God’s sake. There was no mistaking that if Magnus accompanied him then they’d be inundated with press and scrutiny. Still, Alec reflects. He was looking forward to tonight. They’d do a few dozen interviews, sit and relax for a few hours, and then head to the after party at Pandemonium.

All in all, there were far worse ways to spend an evening.

To his delight, Magnus had readily accepted his invitation. Alec had offered to get a team for Magnus but his boyfriend had waved it away, exclaiming that he was more than capable of doing his own hair and makeup.

Alec had been beyond thrilled, however, when Magnus had let him take care of his outfit. They were both wearing custom pieces by Tom Ford-- and hadn’t those fittings been fun.

Magnus was a natural, following the designers instructions and they’d each went for styles that suited them. Magnus’s aubergine shirt had little embellishments with a textured black jacket that fit him like a dream.

Rolling his shoulders a little, Alec tries to release some pent up tension.

The past few days have been a whirlwind, what with rehearsals and last minute fittings and meetings with his label. Alec was performing his latest single tonight-- it’s been holding steady at number one since it’s drop back in the fall-- and hadn’t that been a delightful relief-- and his album is set to be released in just a few short months, with tour immediately following.

Ruefully reflecting that he’d had damn near a year to rest on his laurels, Alec knows that his life is about to kick back into high gear as he starts promo for this next record. After promo, he’s going to eat, breathe, and live this album as he tours for the next several months and while Alec’s ready to get back in the saddle, he’s a little wary, too.

It won’t be the first but it’ll definitely be a considerable adjustment for his relationship. Tour is grueling even when he’s enjoying himself, even when it’s easy. Alec has faith in them, though, that they can weather whatever life throws their way.

He has to, he thinks, or this thing is doomed before it even starts.

This performance tonight is a declaration of sorts. It’s his first real performance since early last summer-- damage control back in August doesn’t count-- and there are nerves he didn’t anticipate. This album was undeniably different to what he’s released in the past. It’s softer; it’s less gritty. It’s a love letter to Magnus, after all, and that’s far different than the songs he’s known for about partying and fucking and all around being the stereotypical elusive celebrity.

It’s him, though. It’s authentic as hell and Alec had been gratifyingly surprised at the reception the single had gotten. Released without promo, it’d reached number one in eighty four countries within the first six hours. It’s been at the top of Billboard since that first day and it’s been certified triple platinum in the meanwhile.

Not bad when this time last year, Alec had been feeling burnt out and damn near despondent over his writer’s block, over the pressure of performing when he didn’t know what his next step should be.

Laughing a little under his breath, Alec knows that he never could’ve anticipated Magnus and the effect he’d have on his music-- on his life.

Alec doesn’t notice as everyone takes a step back from him and he startles a little when arms reach around him, familiar in their familiarity.

“Where’d your mind go, darling?”

Shaking himself from his reveries, Alec smiles over at Magnus. “Just thinking about how this is the first Grammys I actually have a date.”

Watching as everyone finishes packing up, Alec hears his phone vibrate on the coffee table. Picking it up, he sees a text from Dave.

Ready whenever you are, boss.

Taking a deep breath, Alec turns to look at Magnus. “Dave’s downstairs.”

Magnus reaches over like he can sense Alec’s nerves and it’s ridiculous because he’s Alec fucking Lightwood. He’s been to dozens of awards shows over the years. He’s intimately acquainted with the carefully erected facade, knows the ins and outs and the behind the scenes fuckery that they’re all plagued with and this should just be another evening where he networks and performs and loses himself in vodka and dancing at the end of things.

It’s not, though. It’s a declaration professionally but it’s also a statement on his personal life.

Magnus is going to stand next to him for all the interviews. He’ll be asked questions-- and hadn’t that coaching with Lydia been fun-- and the public will really see him for the first time.

And there will be judgement.

His appearance will be remarked on and so will his answers. People won’t see Dr. Magnus Bane, professor. They’ll see Magnus, Alec’s boyfriend.

Alec’s under no illusions that the red carpet’s going to be anything but exhausting.

Still. This is his job and it’s his life and for better or worse, Magnus has thrown himself right alongside Alec come what may.

Realizing that he still hasn’t answered his boyfriend, Alec looks up, smiling a little as he sees Magnus watching him with that patient look that sneaks under his defenses.

“Are you sure,” he asks one last time. “Are you ready to throw yourself to the wolves?”

Are you sure about me?

While Alec and Magnus have stopped hiding their relationship, they’ve been infuriatingly tight-lipped about it to the media. There may be pictures of them holding hands or enjoying brunch, but neither have said a word about each other since Alec’s little damage control tour.

It’s a new stage and as new phases always are, it’s nerve wracking. This is the last barrier between Magnus and the rest of the world and Alec doesn’t take that lightly.

As his eyes meet Magnus’s, he sees his real question is clear. But Magnus doesn’t pull away, doesn’t change his mind.

Instead, he winks, reaching a hand up to smooth down his lapel. “Don’t think you’re going to offer to take me to my first Grammys and then try to back out of it, Alexander. I believe I was promised the celebrity experience?”

Alec laughs, wrapping his arms around Magnus’s waist to haul him closer. He hears the closing of the door and knows they’re alone now.

“I am a man of my word,” he murmurs, nosing along Magnus’s jaw.

Without warning, Magnus is pulling back and Alec opens eyes that have fallen shut as Magnus reaches for his hands, intertwining their fingers before taking a step back towards the door. He watches as Magnus tilts his head in that direction, affection overlaid with challenge.

“Shall we?”

Alec follows eagerly and they go down the elevator, and Alec almost runs into Magnus when he stops abruptly in the lobby.

“Alexander.”

Humming a little, Alec looks up from where he’d been staring at his ass to see what must have caused such a reaction. He grins when he realizes.

“Magnus.”

He throws an arm over his shoulders, leading him outside where Dave is holding open the back door to the limousine.

Nodding in his direction, Alec urges Magnus inside. He’s bemused as he sees Magnus shake his head a little as he follows but Alec doesn’t immediately slide into the backseat.

Instead, he stands just outside of it, looking over at Dave.

“Think you’ll win anything tonight?”

“Nah,” Alec replies with an easy grin. “An Arrow in the Dark won its awards last year. I only have one song up for anything but I’ve been on hiatus so damn long they’ve probably forgotten about me.”

Dave scoffs. “It’ll take more than six months for the world to forget about you, Mr. Lightwood. Not with your date this evening.”

Leveling his driver with a look, Alec asks sotto voce, “How many reporters are gonna be on my shit list by the end of the night, do you think?”

Laughing heartily, Dave just shakes his head as he shoos Alec into the car. “Don’t tempt fate, Boss. Always go into things on a positive note, that’s what I always say.”

Alec doesn’t deign to answer to that-- he and Dave have talked shit about too many in the industry to give credit to his response-- and he hears his driver chuckle as he closes the door behind him.

Settling into his seat, Alec glances over to see Magnus giving him an appraising look.

“You don’t do anything by half measures, do you?”

“It’s the Grammys, babe. There’s no such thing as half measures.”

With a raised brow, Magnus replies, “You would know, I suppose.”

Reaching over, Alec lays his hand on top of Magnus’s for a brief moment before flipping it over and interlacing their hands. He brings their joined hands up and kisses the back of Magnus’s hand, just above his rings.

“Are you excited?”

Leaning against him, Magnus plays with his fingers absently as he answers. “I can’t deny that I’m looking forward to seeing what it’s like actually being there, instead of just watching it through the television.” Looking up from under his lashes, Magnus smirks a little. “And I can’t wait to see you perform.”

“How’d you know I was performing,” Alec asks with a little noise of indignation. He’d been looking forward to surprising Magnus with it.

Magnus just sends him a deadpan look. “Forgetting that you’ve been oddly mum about how you’ve been spending your days for the past week and I’d have to be living under a rock not to hear the commercials on the radio and TV. They’ve listed your name along with half a dozen others set to perform tonight.”

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” Alec says glumly before looking over. “I’ll be gone about half an hour during the show between costume changes and the actual performance. Think you can handle things without me?”

“I’m sure I’ll manage and even if, for some reason the hot seat gets a little too warm, I’ll have Simon there.”

“Definitely,” Alec says. “I’m so glad they seated us next to each other this year. Simon hates sitting with people he doesn’t know and this way you have someone to talk to during the lulls.”

“I only wish Raphael was attending, too. That would’ve been too much fun.”

Alec just looks at him. “Something tells me awards show will never be Raphael’s cup of tea.”

“How right you are, darling. Raphael despises this sort of thing. Whenever Catarina used to talk about these events, you could just see his eyes glaze over in a combination of boredom and horror.”

Switching topics, Magnus asks, “Do you think we’ll see Catarina tonight? She told me Ragnor and she hired a babysitter for the evening.”

“I’d imagine. I don’t know where their seats are but we’ll make sure to at least say hi.”

Before Alec quite knows it, they’re slowing down as they join the line of other celebrities waiting to be let out. While the Grammys alternated between here and L.A., Alec was glad to be on his home turf for the night.

Seeing them creep up to where they’re to be dropped off, at the start of the press frenzy, Alec brings Magnus’s chin up, wanting to make sure this moment holds the gravitas he feels it deserves.

“Remember what Lydia told us,” he starts warmly. “Thankfully she doesn’t like to micromanage the entirety of my press but she doesn’t want us--”

“Revealing everything. Yes, I know. We can talk a little, throw a few details out there, but we don’t want to spill our entire story. I was listening, you know,” Magnus teases him.

Letting his lips tip up into a faint smile, Alec continues, “I’m not going to harp on your every word. You can say whatever you want and I’ll have your back but I want to know if there’s anything you don’t want me to say up front?”

Magnus shakes his head. “I trust you, Alexander. I trust that you won’t go divulging our personal business to the entire world. Whatever you let slip, I’ll support you, too.”

Alec’s eyes warm at his boyfriend’s answer and then Dave is pulling up to the curb and he watches as Magnus takes a deep breath before almost bracing himself.

“Hey,” he soothes, turning so that he can run his arms over his shoulders. “Whatever’s waiting for us out there, I want you to know I love you and I’m so incredibly proud to stand next to you tonight. You’re the only one I want by my side. You can’t fuck this up, babe.”

Looking up, Magnus meets his eyes. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Alec echoes on a breath. “I think it’s time we gave everyone what they want, don’t you?”

Alec’s relieved to see Magnus’s shoulders lose a bit of their tension and the grin at each other before Magnus is pulling him close for a desperate kiss.

When he pulls back, Alec opens his eyes and feels a little dazed at the sight in front of him.

“I love you so much, Alexander. Thank you for inviting me here, for thinking I’m worth it.”

“Don’t you know,” he asks softly, heart aching in the best damn way. “You’re worth everything.”

Letting the words hang in the backseat, Alec steps out of the limo. Almost immediately, he’s blinded by the flash of dozens of cameras and he throws them all an easy grin as he turns back to the car. Holding out a hand, he leans close as he murmurs, “Out of the frying pan?”

He’s delighted as Magnus laughs, as he lays his hand in Alec’s. “And into the fire,” he agrees.

If Alec thought the cacophony at his arrival was loud, it’s nothing compared to the dull roar of the reporter’s crowd when they realize that he’s brought a date-- that he’s brought Magnus.

Sliding a hand around Magnus’s waist, Alec leans close to to murmur in his ear, “Let me know if it becomes too much, okay?”

Looking over at Alec, Magnus raises a brow. “I think you’ll find I can handle myself just fine, darling.”

Alec’s grin ratchets up a notch and then they’re in line for interviews. To his surprise, Magnus is a natural. He knows when to play coy and Alec already knows his boyfriend is going to make the morning’s best dressed list.

Some reporters ask evasive, pointed questions but Alec handles them like a pro, not giving Magnus any opportunity to falter as he throws out such riveting information like if Magnus was still working, if there was any hope for his fans or if he was off the market for good, or how they split bills.

Thankfully, they’re mostly done when Alec sees one of his favorite faces in front of them. Turning his head so that his lips touch Magnus’s ear, Alec says, “Our next interviewer is a friend. You can relax with her.”

Magnus nods to show he’s heard and then Alec breaks away from where they’d been holding hands for most of the press walk. He takes a few steps away to stand in front of a photo spot. He poses for a few moments, just him, and when he glances over at Magnus it’s to see his boyfriend smiling at him.

Throwing him a wink, Alec sees more than hears Magnus laugh and so when he turns back to the cameras, his grin is a little more natural-- real-- than they usually are during these sorts of things. Not wanting to hog the spotlight, though, Alec quickly gestures for Magnus to join him, holding out a hand.

Magnus goes to his side without hesitating, lifting a hand to rest it over his chest while Alec’s arm goes around his middle, pulling him imperceptibly closer.

As he stands in front of dozens of reporters and cameras blind them, Alec feels something settle over him.

This is his life. While he often enjoys awards shows, they’ve also become ordinary. A chore that needs completed. Alec’s been around the block more times than he cares to count and it’s all old hat to him. It’s just another day at work.

It’s different today. Magnus is the one standing next to him, looking over at him with warm eyes whenever they have a moment to breathe and he doesn’t look on the edge of panic. No, he doesn’t look like he’s in desperate need of an exit. He stands next to Alec and he contributes beautifully to soundbites that will be buzzing around the internet tomorrow. He’s his regularly charming self that Alec fell for so long ago-- that he falls a little more in love with every day.

Finally, Alec sees their future. He can see them next year, five years from now. Ten. He sees Magnus teaching and the occasional gala and forty eight hours stolen from jampacked tours just to fly home and see Magnus-- or for Magnus to fly to whatever city he’s in just to see each other.

It’s all so painfully mundane yet extraordinary that Alec can’t breathe for a moment. For the first time, everything seems not like a desperate wish but something they have a shot at after all.

He guides them to the next reporter on autopilot, shaking off epiphanies and he grins as he sees a welcome face.

He sees Magnus’s surprise as he leans in for a quick hug. “Evening, ladies.”

Laughing, Aline hugs him back. “Evening, Alec!” She pulls back and Alec doesn’t try to hide his smile as his cousin goes to hug Magnus next.

Magnus warms up quickly, staring over Aline’s shoulder with bemused eyes.

Shrugging a little, Alec says, “Did I forget to mention? Aline’s my cousin. She and Helen are my favorite reporters in New York.”

“Don’t lie, Lightwood. We’re your favorite reporters anywhere.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” he agrees easily and the next few minutes are the best so far. It’s far more relaxed than the other interviews and Aline knows what questions to ask and which to steer away from. He’s definitely a little disappointed when it’s time to move on.

Looking over his shoulder, Alec calls out, “Text me and we’ll get lunch sometime.”

“A double date,” Helen asks and Magnus nods with a grin.

“Count on it,” he replies and they hear Aline and Helen laugh behind them.

It’s not too much longer and they’re in Madison Square Garden. Alec’s just guiding them to their seating area when he hears someone shout his name and then Magnus is putting a hand to his chest to stop him.

Looking up, Alec scowls. “What are you doing here?”

Simon bounds up to them looking far too happy. He claps him on the shoulder before turning to Magnus to do the same.

“Hey,” he says. “I’m nominated for a Grammy the same as you tonight.”

Alec lets his expression ease into a faint smile and he doesn’t even grimace-- too much at least--as Simon pulls him into a hug.

“Nice suit,” he says, raising a brow at the maroon silk, but Simon doesn’t bat an eye, just smiles serenely.

“Nice eyeshadow.”

Alec barks out a laugh as he shakes his head ruefully, Magnus joining him as their hips bump into each other.

They walk to their seats together. MSG’s a dull roar as everyone socializes, as the fans talk amongst themselves.

He’s just about to sit down when Simon exclaims, “Wait!”

Pausing, Alec raises a brow. “Yeah?”

Waving at them, Simon says, “Let me get a pic of you two! It’s Magnus’s first Grammys and--” he throws a reassuring smile to Magnus as he continues, “I know how surreal it can be. Alec’s been to so many that it doesn’t even faze him anymore but you two will definitely want a picture to commemorate the occasion!”

Alec looks over at Magnus and they share a look before shrugging. They move until they’re standing in the aisle and Alec hands Simon his phone. Standing close, he’s smiling for the camera when something catches his eye. He turns to look at Magnus and he just can’t help himself.

He leans in and he’s smiling as he kisses his boyfriend. He hears Magnus make a sound of surprise, feels the faint hum against his lips, but he’s kissing back.

Just a moment and then Alec pulls back and he raises a hand to brush over Magnus’s cheek.

“Love you,” he says quietly, in the space between them.

“I love you, too.”

Abruptly remembering where they are, Alec turns back to Simon who’s watching them with a delighted gaze.

“I feel like a proud parent at prom,” Simon says, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye. “You two are just too damned cute.”

Wondering for the millionth time why he’s best friends with Simon, Alec tries to glare at him, though even he can tell there’s next to no heat to it.

They take their seats after that and Simon leaves them alone as he makes his rounds. Alec takes out his phone when it’s just the two of them and Magnus leans close as he starts scrolling through the pictures Simon had just taken.

There’s about a thousand and it looks like Simon had just pressed the shutter every goddamn millisecond.

They decide on a photo and Alec types out the caption before posting.

It’s a picture of the two of them kissing. The caption reads everything’s better with a plus one.

The awards start not long after that Alec looks over a few times to see Magnus taking every detail in. When an attendant comes up to him a little while later and taps him on the shoulder, Alec nods before turning to his boyfriend.

Not wanting to disturb everyone, he leans close, whispering, “Hey babe, I have to go get ready. I’ll see you in a little bit, okay?”

Magnus looks over at him, smiling a little before pulling him in with a quick kiss. “Break a leg, darling.”

Huffing out a laugh, Alec follows the attendant backstage. There, he’s escorted to his dressing room where he changed into his second outfit of the night. It’s just a black t-shirt under another black suit jacket with black leather accents. It perfectly complements his black leather pants and then he’s getting set up with his ear piece and mic pack.

Through the ear piece-- the custom ones he’d used last tour-- Alec hears the latest category announcement and listens to the pop star’s speech. He bounces up and down on the balls of his feet a few times before cracking his neck. He walks over to the stage and lets a dozen people fuss over him, making sure everything’s set as they adjust his mic and everyone rushes to their places.

He’s done this a thousand times before and he feels the familiar rush of energy flow into him. As nice as his break’s been, he has missed performing-- the rush, the heat, the energy-- and he’s looking forward to the next four minutes.

Hearing the celebrity who was announcing him, Alec tunes into her spiel.

“Our next performer is no stranger to this stage. He’s won eight Grammys, including last year’s Album of the Year for An Arrow in the Dark. That album would go on to win him three Grammys alone. The song he’s performing tonight is his lead single for his next album, expected this spring. Everyone give it up for Alec Lightwood!”

Alec grins as the crowd roars at him. Counting beats in his head, Alec looks up as the band starts playing the intro.

Since Feel Something is a slower song, it’s just Alec performing in front of a microphone. No background dancers or extravagant scenery, no one else except background vocals standing behind him. The lights are low, twisting shades of gray and wolf’s blue and Alec can’t see the crowd through the heat of the lights in his eyes.

So he closes them instead and sinks into a feeling he knows as well as breathing. It’s his first performance of anything new in over a year. There are always trials when performing new songs-- making sure he knows them inside and out can only go so far sometimes.

Luckily, everything goes wonderfully. He hits his notes and as the bridge comes around Alec takes his mic from its stand and pulls his ear plug out, wanting to hear the crowd without restriction.

He loses himself in performing and it’s all so beautifully familiar. The heat on his skin, the feeling of thousands of eyes on him, the euphoria of doing what he loves.

This song packs one hell of a punch as well and as Alec’s eyes close for the chorus, it feels like the emotions are being ripped out of him.

By the time the last note rings out, the chorus accompanying him echoing in the arena, Alec feels a little wrung out. It’s a combination of not performing in a little while and the sheer feeling that grabbed his throat and squeezed for those few minutes.

Alec slides the mic back into its stand as the stage lights go out around him, leaving him barely visible to everyone. He still hears the cheers, though, and they light a fire inside of him.

He’s still got it.

Walking backstage, one of the managers eagerly takes his mic pack and any other tech. He grabs a flute of champagne and downs it in one go, relishing the muted burn of alcohol. He heads back to his dressing room and takes a look in the mirror. His makeup is remarkably intact and it goes with his performance outfit so Alec doesn’t deign to change. Instead, he runs a hand through his hair and with one last once over, leaves the dressing room.

It’s a commercial break when he slides back into his seat next to Magnus but his boyfriend barely glances over, all of his attention focused on something going on across the room.

“What’s happening,” Alec asks under his breath and he scowls as Simon reaches over and hits him with a hissed, “Shut up.”

Distractedly, Magnus replies, “A waiter spilled wine on an artist’s dress and she has to present an award soon. She’s giving him hell.”

Alec looks up and snorts softly as he sees who the star in question is. “She’s a bit of an ass. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was her fault and she’s blaming the poor guy now.”

Relaxing in his seat now that his job for the evening is done, Alec reaches over and rests his hand on Magnus’s thigh. He tunes out the drama on the side of the room and instead people watches. He sees a few friends in the rows around him and he wonders if he’ll run into any of them at Pandemonium later.

As a celebrity hot spot, Pandemonium was going to be busy as hell tonight. Alec couldn’t wait.

Still, there were a couple of hours left at this shindig. Catarina wins a Grammy for a song she’d written and recorded for one of last year’s biggest films and Magnus is the first out of his seat as he claps for all he’s worth.

Alec stands next to him and it’s a little different-- sure he has friends in the industry but no one he’s so close to besides Simon. It’s a nice feeling to know that the artist deserves every bit of praise and some more besides.

As they sit back down, the next announcer steps up to the stand. Alec mostly tunes her out but he shakes his head a little when he sees a snippet of the Empty Hearts music video.

“And the winner for Song of the Year is. . . Alec Lightwood and Simon Lewis: Feel Something!”

Simon catapults out of his seat but it takes Alec a second to realize what’s just happened. He looks over to Magnus to see him grinning, laughing as he claps along with everyone else.

It’s like time fast forwards and then he’s standing and pulling Simon in for a bear hug. Simon holds on tight and Alec knows that he’s not imagining the breath that sounds suspiciously like a sob in his ear. Alec goes to follow Simon to the stage but at the last minute, he turns around and grabs Magnus by the lapels, pulling him in for a bruising kiss. It’s only a second before he breaks the kiss. He winks at Magnus-- who looks a little dazed-- and then continues his path.

While Alec had been primary songwriter, Simon had a credit on the song. Greeting the announcer, Simon takes the Grammy and holds it up, everyone laughing at his unbridled joy. Alec lets Simon take over the acceptance speech. It was his first Grammy, after all. While he’d been nominated a few times before, this was Simon’s very first win and Alec is more than willing to take a back seat and let his friend bask.

Simon’s speech is a little rambling and a lot endearing and by the time he finishes there’s no time for Alec to say anything. He waves to the crowd, touching his fingers to his mouth and blowing a kiss for an exuberant, heartfelt thanks.

It feels like just a few minutes later that his next category is being called and he feels Magnus tense beside him as the nominees for Record of the Year are announced, his face showing on the screen with the other four artists.

And the truth is, while Alec had downplayed his chances to everyone else, he wants this award. He’d just made the deadline for this single to be considered for the 2019 awards season and privately, he thinks his chances are good. He hasn’t released a music video for the song yet-- he was waiting to drop it with his album release-- but even without one, it had been staying steady on the charts. The past five months have been good to that song and his optimism for this next phase of his career and he’d love to be able to point to something tangible-- like an award-- and know that he was on the right track, that something different could still bring him gold.

Alec lets out quiet breath as announcer fiddles with the envelope, seemingly taking ages to open it. He feels Magnus lean close, hand on his thigh, and he relaxes the tiniest bit in his seat.

His eyes close when he feels his boyfriend’s breath on his ear. “While I have every confidence that your name is in that envelope, I want you to know we’re still going to celebrate handsomely tonight, Alexander.”

Without quite planning it, Alec’s grinning at Magnus’s words and a second later he hears his name being called out from the stage.

Eyes flying open, his first sight is Magnus. His smile is quieter but no less heartfelt and this time around, it’s him who pulls Alec close for a searing kiss, running a hand through his hair for a moment that runs white hot before he’s pulling back and all but shoving Alec towards the stage.

Clearing his throat, Alec tries to clear his head and as he passes around Simon’s seat, he sees his friend giving an exuberant thumbs up and smiling widely.

Walking to the stage solo, Alec works on his breathing, trying to calm his racing heart. It’s always a rush to win something-- let alone a fucking Grammy-- no matter what Simon might think.

He hugs the announcer, shaking their hand, and then he’s holding the little gold statue of a gramophone. He looks down at it and then up into the blinding lights and cheering crowd.

Alec leans down toward the mic, still sporting a smile, and starts his acceptance speech.

“What an incredible honor it is to receive this award tonight. I honestly didn’t expect this even if I secretly hoped,” he laughs and he hears everyone echo that laughter as he continues. “Feel Something is a little different to what I’m sure everyone’s used to from me. I’m glad you all like this new direction of my music and I’m eager to see everyone’s reactions when the album’s released in a few months. I’d like to thank my manager, Lydia, my team at Institute Records, my family for always having my back and-- one last person.”

Looking down, Alec gathers his thoughts before he lifts his head and makes eye contact with Magnus. His smile turns deeper, softer and everyone else in the room seems to vanish for a brief moment as he says, “He’s the reason that I’m holding this award tonight. When I met him, I’d just finished my world tour for An Arrow in the Dark and I was facing a turning point in my career. Truth be told, I was in crisis mode. And then I met him and he breathed new life into me and my music in a way that I never could have anticipated. So thank you, Magnus, for loving me and letting me love you. I couldn’t have done it without you, babe.”

Alec steps back from the mic, raising the award in a salute of sorts as he clears his throat again. He heads to the side entrance of the stage, entering backstage where he takes a few press photos before he’s allowed back to his seat.

When he finally gets back to Magnus, it’s to see his boyfriend talking animatedly with Simon. Sitting down, Alec barely opens his mouth before Magnus is kissing him. Immediately abandoning any thought of talking, he raises his free hand to cup Magnus’s face, shifting for a deeper angle.

He doesn’t know how long they stay like that before Magnus pulls back. Alec looks up, catching his breath, only to lose it again when their eyes meet.

Magnus runs a thumb over his lip and Alec shudders.

“You really are extraordinary, aren’t you,” Magnus asks.

Alec’s voice is hoarse when he replies, “Every word, babe. I mean every goddamn word.”

He leans close and the kiss this time is softer, lingering. Alec gives up on paying attention to the show, clapping on autopilot when he hears everyone else do so.

His attention is far too full of Magnus to give a fuck about anything else.

Finally, finally, the show is over and everyone is escorted to their cars. There’s a bit of shuffling and they lose track of Simon-- though they do run into Catarina and Ragnor for a few moments waiting for their rides to pull up-- and then Alec and Magnus are climbing into their limo.

There’s an ice bucket there and Alec laughs when he sees what’s inside.

“What is it,” Magnus asks bemused.

“Lydia,” Alec replies shortly before he grabs two flutes. The bottle’s already been opened and he fills the glasses as Dave makes his painstaking way through traffic. “We have this tradition. Every time I win a Grammy, she surprises me with champagne for the ride to the after party.”

Magnus accepts his glass graciously, taking a sip while he eyes Alec over the rim. “That’s a lovely tradition. And definitely well deserved since you won not one but two awards tonight. That’s such an achievement, Alexander.”

Chuckling, Alec shakes his head ruefully. “I didn’t think I’d win either. Today’s turning out to be one hell of day.”

Magnus moves closer, coming to rest a hand on the side of his neck. “I’m proud of you, Alec. I know I’m a little biased but I love that song and you deserve recognition for it. You took a chance and-- well,” he trails off sheepishly. “I’m so happy that chance was worth it.”

Turning his head a little so that he can kiss the palm of Magnus’s hand, Alec sighs. “I’m happy you like it and that the world doesn’t hate it. That’s more than enough for me.”

“So the two Grammy’s aren’t really important?”

“Hey,” Alec says with a grin. “I didn’t say that.”

The two of them laugh, leaning into each other.

Traffic is brutal tonight, even for New York standards, and it takes almost an hour to get back to Magnus’s loft. Alec reaches for the champagne a few times, refilling his glass often since every time he looks down, it’s turned empty somehow.

He always tops off Magnus’s flute before his own and they spend the drive to their place talking quietly in the backseat. They can hear the radio playing in the front-- Dave’s always loved smooth jazz-- and it’s nice. Alec’s not already drunk, like he’s been known to be in the past and it’s nice, to be able to enjoy some calm in the storm.

Unlocking his phone, Alec sees a dozen texts of congratulations from his family and he laughs a little when he sees the dozen heart eye emojis accompanying Izzy’s message mentioning his acceptance speech. Opening Twitter, retweets a few links to news articles about his win and both he and Magnus making it onto the best dressed side of red carpet looks. He likes a few other tweets that are just fans talking about him and Magnus.

While there are a few posts that are bullshit, that are nasty and entitled and just plain wrong, there are far more people supporting Magnus, including one from a Twitter handle that makes him laugh out loud.

@prayformalec: omg did you see the way @AlecLightwood was looking at Magnus when he was talking about their first date? I got cavities just watching those two! And don’t get me started on the way they couldn’t keep their hands off each other djfhgsdjsdfkh

@Alec_komh: Holy shit @AlecLightwood always looks amazing but can we talk about MAGNUS!!! Can he p l e a s e **** ** ****

Shaking his head a little, he shows Magnus that one and they both laugh at his fan’s exuberant support.

They make it back to Brooklyn and get ready for the after party. Magnus changes into a sheer maroon button down that he leaves undone to his fucking navel. Over that, he’s wearing a dark blue jacket and it leaves his chest-- and most of his abs-- on display. Alec watches as his boyfriend goes through his jewelry, deciding on a handful of necklaces in varying lengths.

Alec, for his part, stays in the leather pants he’d worn for his performance. He just switches his shirt for a see-through black lace one with a floral pattern. He’d bought it ages ago but was never in the mood to wear out. Giving a mental shrug, Alec figures tonight’s as good a time as any.

Cleaning up his makeup a little, Alec’s ready before Magnus. He heads to the living room to wait and ends up standing in front of the drink cart. He pours a finger or two of whiskey in a glass, taking his time as he drinks.

“Ready, darling?”

Alec looks up but doesn’t say anything right away. Instead, he blinks. His gaze roves over his boyfriend and he swallows hard.

Magnus doesn’t seem to mind the silence. His mouth kicks up in a lazy grin as he walks over to him. Sliding fingers into the waistband of Alec’s pants, Magnus uses his free hand to snag Alec’s half-finished glass, swallowing the rest of it in one go.

He’s barely lowered the glass when Alec’s tipping his face up for a kiss. He’s dizzy with it, the taste of whiskey on Magnus’s tongue, the smell of his cologne, the sounds Magnus makes that he feels more than hears.

Half of him thinks about abandoning the rest of their plans for the night. His mind fills with images of stripping Magnus bare, laying him out on their bed, and spending hours trying to show Magnus how he makes him feel.

His rumination is fractured, though, as Magnus breaks the kiss, leaving Alec breathless and more than a little confused.

When he opens his eyes, it’s to see his boyfriend staring at him with amusement. “I do believe we have plans, Alexander. It wouldn’t do for us to get too carried away.”

“I think that’d be just fine,” Alec says, voice low in the quiet of their loft.

Magnus laughs a little before he brings Alec close for a smacking kiss on his lips. “Let’s go.”

Alec grumbles a little but it turns mostly for show as they head downstairs. Thankfully Pandemonium isn’t too far away and they’re pulling up to the front of the club a short while later.

Even through the blacked out windows, Alec sees hordes of paparazzi lingering on the sidewalk. The flashes from their cameras are a hundred starbursts and Alec rolls his eyes as he opens the door.

Almost immediately, the cameras turn to him. He ignores them as he turns back to escort Magnus out and without ceremony, he throws an arm over his shoulders, pulling him close to the side. Questions are shouted at him but Alec doesn’t even try to pick them out of the cacophony.

Nodding to the bouncer, there’s not a hitch in his step as the rope is pulled back to grant them access, allowing them to bypass the line stretched around the corner for those still waiting admittance.

The club is dark and full of flashing lights in a riot of color. He feels the bass in his chest and snags Magnus’s hands as he forces their way to the bar.

He’s immediately ordering half a dozen shots. Making way for Magnus, he hands one to his boyfriend and his gaze is struck by the way slender fingers pick up the shot glass, the way his throat works as he swallows.

They finish the shots in rapid succession and then it’s Magnus who’s pulling Alec onto the crowded dance floor.

The music is loud, drowning everything else out but the way Magnus feels against him. Lights bounce off highlighter, plays over his boyfriend until he’s covered in shifting shadows. Letting his hands rest on his hips, Alec pulls him closer.

He loses track of time quickly. There are more shots and the music doesn’t stop and Alec’s dizzy in a mix of low grade lust and top shelf liquor.

He knows people in the crowd, though, and he does rounds. Bringing Magnus with him, Alec introduces him to acquaintances and friends and-- to his surprise-- Magnus isn’t cowed by the dozen celebrities he talks to. He’s witty as ever, as irresistible as ever, and it’s a potent sight to see his boyfriend fit in seamlessly with another part of his life altogether.

Alec doesn’t remember quite how it happened, but the next thing he knows, he’s popping open a bottle a Dom Perignon. He has no goddamn clue where the cork is but it doesn’t matter. Bringing the bottle up to his lips, Alec drinks straight from the bottle before handing it over to Magnus who accepts it with an arch look, smug grin on his face as he tips it up and takes a healthy swig.

It’s all so much and it’s been ages since Alec felt like this-- like he was on top of the world, like nothing mattered except right now, here in the moment.

He’s won two fucking Grammys-- bringing his total up to ten-- and his album has been sent off to be mastered. He’s at the top of his game with no signs of that changing anytime soon.

He’s so in love he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He’s in love with the man in front of him and it’s all so overwhelming.

Time seems to slow for an imperceptible moment. His mind is hazy, the only thought he can catch Magnus, and so he pulls his boyfriend in, sliding a hand to his back. Leaning close, he kisses the pulse at Magnus’s throat and tastes salt. He sucks a bruise or three along unblemished skin, losing himself in the warm scent that lingers there.

One hand brings their hips together while the other goes to Magnus’s nape. He moans low in his throat when his boyfriend arches his neck, granting more access, but it’s drowned out by the crowd and music.

Leaning back to admire his handiwork, Alec takes in blown pupils and the flush that rides high on Magnus’s cheek bones.

They grin at each other, heated smiles, and then Alec’s pulling Magnus with him. Away from the dance floor, away from most eyes.

They stumble down a dark corridor on the edge of the room and Magnus lets Alec guide him until his back hits the wall. Magnus is already reaching for him, pulling him close, and it’s a heady feeling to be the one he wants.

Magnus’s hips roll up to meet his and Alec’s gasp turns into a stuttered groan at the friction. Nothing matters so much as this and Alec knows he’s a hair's breadth from coming in his pants.

There are hands in his hair, running through messy locks and pulling, just the tiniest bit, and it goes straight to his dick, leaves him feeling lightheaded and like he’s about to burst.

Still while this is far from the first time Alec’s had a hookup at a club, he doesn’t want that here. It takes infinitely more willpower than he thought himself capable of but Alec pulls back-- almost immediately going back in when he sees Magnus, waiting and willing.

He ducks close so that his lips touch Magnus’s ear. He feels the shiver that wracks his boyfriend and grins.

“I think it’s time we headed home, don’t you?”

Magnus nods so fast he almost gives himself whiplash and then they’re both laughing as they stumble to the front of the club. They can’t keep their hands off each other and Alec finds that he doesn't want to.

Pandemonium is still crowded and they run into more people than he can count. Finally, though, cool air wraps around them as they make it to the front entrance.

As soon as they have the space, Alec’s spinning Magnus around. His arms are around his waist and the only thing he knows is the man in front of him.

They kiss and it’s a mess, even as drunk as he is, Alec knows that. It doesn't matter though because Magnus is kissing him back and then they’re tripping on the sidewalk. Pulling back just enough for a desperate breath, Alec tries to gain his equilibrium. He sees the limo down the block and tugs Magnus in that direction and in the back of his head he knows-- he knows-- that there have to be reporters around, that this will probably be plastered across the internet tomorrow but it’s just so good and Magnus is so hot and it seems a crime to think about anything else.

The partition is up when they fall into the backseat and Alec doesn’t waste time. Dave pulls away from the curb and they fall sideways on the seat, Alec on top of Magnus-- and then they’re laughing. And it’s so silly and they’re so drunk but it doesn’t matter because Alec has everything he ever wanted and it’s all in front of him.

They pick up right where they left off in the dark of the club and Magnus reaches for his pants. With a broad, deliberate stroke along his cock, he takes his time unzipping Alec’s pants and Alec would glare if it didn’t feel so goddamn good, if he had the breath to do anything but chant Magnus’s name in an endless stream of please and faster and fuck, babe, that feels so good.

After moments of agonizing anticipation, Magnus’s hand finally closes around his cock and Alec groans harshly in the silence of the car. Jesus Christ, he thinks and then he’s not thinking at all.

He gets enough wherewithal to undo Magnus’s pants and then he’s reaching for a compartment on the side of the limo, breaking the kiss to glare at the space when he can’t find what he needs.

Magnus glares at him in turn and Alec’s breath stalls in his chest at the look, at the way his eyes reflect the muted light. Finally his hand closes around a small bottle and Alec grins sharply.

It takes Magnus a moment but when he focuses on the object in his hands he laughs, even as his legs fall open wider, one foot planted on the floorboard to steady them.

“Really, Alexander?”

His voice is breathless, teasing but his eyes are trained on him-- on the bottle-- and Alec’s nodding even as he flicks it open.

“‘Course, babe. Always be prepared, that’s my motto.”

Magnus laughs out loud but it turns into a long, drawn out moan as Alec finally gets a hand around him, now warm and slick.

They shove their pants and underwear down and when Magnus arches up, their cocks slide together. It’s messy and when they run over a pothole it’s downright hazardous but they just press together more, seeking friction and that overwhelming, scorching heat.

Alec comes first, pressing desperate fingers into Magnus’s hips hard enough to bruise and it doesn’t take more than a dozen thrusts before Magnus is following him, spilling across their stomachs.

It takes several minutes for them to catch their breaths, both of them gasping harshly in the backseat. There’s a buzzing under Alec’s skin and even though he knows the mess between them will be annoying soon enough, he’s perfectly content for the moment as he places kisses across Magnus’s chest, over his heart.

Magnus slides hands through his hair and Alec lets out a little hum of happiness and the gentle scratch against this scalp.

It takes herculean effort but they manage to eventually sit up. Thankfully, Alec really had prepared for anything and they manage to clean everything up and straighten their clothes remarkably easily.

Dave doesn’t get out and Alec’s grateful. They make their stumbling way out of the car. It seems like they both want to be as close as possible and so they keep tripping over each other’s feet.

They fall against the back wall of the elevator eventually. Alec’s arm is over Magnus shoulder as his boyfriend leans against him and he turns his head, nosing along his hair before laying a soft kiss against his temple.

Everything’s hazy and slow. Looking through the balcony doors once they make it into the loft, Alec’s almost positive he can see the first traces of dawn in the dark sky.

His focus shifts as Magnus comes around to face him, smiling at him.

“Time for bed,” he asks lowly and Alec bites his lip at the promise in his voice.

Nodding, Alec follows him to the bedroom. Their clothes are taken care of quickly and then they’re falling into bed.

The energy from earlier is disappearing, being replaced by exhaustion. Alec’s eyes close of their own volition and he shivers as Magnus mouths over his collarbone, tongue dipping into the hollow of his throat.

He feels so close to falling asleep but he can’t, not when everything feels so good. Alec runs a hand down Magnus’s back, stroking his ass, urging him closer.

This second time is slow and sweet. Instead of frantic hands, there are lingering touches as the shadows in their bedroom grow shorter. Sighs replace groans and Alec feels like he’s sinking into the bed, like he could wake up at any moment just to discover everything’s been a dream.

The best dream.

He grins up at Magnus and sees the happiness that seems to be pouring through him in waves reflected in achingly warm brown eyes.

There are low words, murmurs they strain to hear. “I love you,” they both whisper and it’s quiet but no less profound, the way Alec’s heart surges in his chest.

Sunlight spills through the curtains when they finally fall asleep, wrapped around each other, a haphazard sheet pulled up to their waists.

[moonraccoon-exe]

Gladnis AU(10 year time skip tho) where Ignis gets his sight back, and the first thing he sees is Gladio. But 32 year old Gladio and his reaction is like "Oh my gods you've gotten even more beautiful,"

I received this back on Monday, while I was in school, and let me tell you, dearest anon, IT MADE MY ENTIRE EVENING AND NIGHT AND THE REST OF TUESDAY BECAUSE GODS YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

I was sat there in the classroom and just casually checked the hour, saw the entry, read it and I was just like “Aaaaw ;______;” and couldn’t focus for like ten minutes AND IT WAS FANTASTIC I regret NOTHING, ahahahaha *evil gladnis laugh*.

Seriously, though….this scenario is…so perfect?!?!

I’m sitting here, reading this again and feeling like it’s the first time all over again and I just- *deep breath* this is so gods damn amazing and I can’t stand it and I’m just hyperventilating becauSE 

*DEEP BREATH*

*ugly sobbing*

THIS IS SO PURE, GODDAMMIT, I’d love to turn this into a proper fanfic but time won’t let me and I just ajsdfd gods damn ;A;

You know what would make it super extra fluffier? The fact that maybe Gladio’s a bit scared of Ignis’ reaction to seeing him again. ♡ ～(‘u^人)

Wanna add it a little angst? It happens after Noct’s sacrifice.

And we make it a tad bit bittersweet? We make Ignis looking at Gladio for first time a surprise for Gladio himself, surprise of sorts, I guess. 

So maybe someone has found a way of healing Ignis’ injuries and blindness, and he decides to take the risk. So there’s the Gladnis post-story, finally leaving in peace, together, with no more duties than live for themselves once more. When they scheduled Ignis’ surgery or whatever process it can be to give him back his sight, he and Gladio spend an entire evening discussing and sharing happily what things Ignis has to see, where Gladio has to take him, where they’ll travel for Ignis to see again, the people he should see and their change, and of course, the first thing that Ignis should see.

The conversation turns a bit sad, rather bittersweet by that point, and there may be some silence. And then, Gladio suggests it.‘Dawn. The first thing you should see should be dawn. You should see how precious it is. Noct left the most precious, most beautiful dawn for us to see. You should see that first.’

It was harsh for everyone. Prompto sometimes still tears up in the mornings, and he hasn’t been able to return to Insomnia ever since Noct’s funeral. Gladio sometimes finds himself to wake up and find out he had been crying midsleep.But he knows how deep it affected Ignis in particular.Prompto was the best friend, and Gladio the older brother and sworn shield, but the thing with Ignis was that he literally grew up only for Noctis; Ignis basically didn’t live, all that he ever did since he was 6 was only to aid Noct’s life. He did it proudly and joyfully, but that was the truth; Ignis did nothing other than attend Noctis. Noct gone, somehow the biggest part of what Ignis used to be was no more. So it was pretty harsh on him. Maybe not more than in the other two, maybe just different, but definitely a particular kind of pain.

So Ignis doesn’t even reply. He just nods in silence, serious. 

Sometimes, in the days waiting for his surgery or whatever brings his sight back, when the mood was lighter, Ignis said that he was eager to see Gladio. Sometimes, he said that was the first thing that he wanted to see. Sometimes, he said that ‘after dawn’, the first thing he wanted to see was Gladio. He insisted that he wanted to see it, first or not, but he was so, so eager like he had not remembered to have ever been before about something. He wanted that, he wanted, he wanted. 

And Gladio would joke about it. Would give away comments the ‘But let’s be careful, my beauty may be too bright and could blind you again’ (don’t worry, Ignis doesn’t take that as rude and just delivers a joke back).But sometimes he would just chuckle or give a vague agreement.Because, truth is, he’s a bit scared of what Ignis will think.

At first he had not thought about it, but as the day got closer, Gladio had started to look at himself more often in the mirror. At first it was a glance or two. But he soon found himself overthinking and overanalyzing his looks, staring at himself more than he had ever done before, look at spots, and he starts growing a bit anxious about it. Because he’s young, but not as young as when Ignis last saw him.

He’s wrinkle free (for gods sake, he’s just 34), but he knows he doesn’t look like a brand new young man. And his scars, gods, did they look better when he was 23 or will Ignis see them the same? And his hair…Gladio liked it much better than when he was younger, but he’s now senselessly thinking on it and whether he looks as good as he thinks or not really. And what about his mustache asojdsofdj should I shave should I not shave and whataboutthis and did I have this spot before and whatisthisthing and whatwillIgnissay  gods FUCK  (Come on, we all know older Gladio looks AMAZING, but he doesn’t see that like we do, so…).

So Gladio grows nervous on that. Because he sees Ignis and gods, dear Astrals above, he’s just so sure Ignis is like wine; he just gets better with age. But what about him? Does he get better, too? Maybe it’s that Gladio had seen Ignis all across that time and he didn’t notice his change in a snap but rather step by step But Ignis…the last that Ignis had seen of him was when he was 23. Eleven years is quite a number. 

So the day finally happens. The whatever process required of Ignis to keep the eyes bandaged for at least 12 hours, so they do it this one evening, and the morning after, before sun comes up, they wake up as arranged, in an excited but silent air, and they get up to be prepared. Gladio drives Ignis to the Citadel and takes him to the rooftop, one of the highest spots in the Citadel to watch in the distance. The drive is mostly quiet, but the joy is almost tangible. Eleven years in the dark, finally fixed. 

And so, the moment soon comes. Gladio takes him close to the edge, facing East, and both talk quietly every now and then, a few comments here and there, before Gladio guesses it’s time. So, quietly, he tells so to Ignis, and turns him around, standing behind him, and Gladio himself starts undoing his bandages. Once they come off, Gladio keeps them to his eyes a few moments.

“Ready?”

“As much as I can be.”

Finally, Gladio removes it full this time. 

Ignis still keeps the eyes closed for a moment, and they start blinking. And so, he opens them.And he can see.And there’s that tiny dot of light in the horizon.And he can see it.He’s sensing it, and seeing it.

And here there could be two options that I’ll melt into one because #timeandspacelol. So Ignis watches the sun start to rise. Sees the little dot starting to turn bigger, and watches the sky turn from black to a line of golden, that eventually paints the sky in red. And it keeps growing. It almost feels like music, quiet and bittersweet. There’s light going in every direction, born from the astro king. From the sun of dawn.From the King of Light.From Noct. 

Ignis watches it, watches all. The sun, its beams, the sky, its colors, the clouds, the change of palette, gradual and eventual, the buildings of the distance, the tiny silhouette of the outside wall, the sea….it’s beautiful. Impossible to look away.

Yet, he does. He looks away.

Out of nowhere, Ignis turns around over his heels, eyes closed. Gladio’s a bit startled at the motion, because he had not expected Ignis to look away from the sun of dawn for at least fifteen more minutes, but there he was, facing him now, eyes closed. Gladio feels his stomach drop to his feet, and some black hole behind the lungs swallowing his organs, because he’s impossibly nervous. He feels like this is the most important event of his life, that Ignis is about to see him again. He should be excited, but he’s not. He’s scared and nervous.

Without seeing, Ignis takes his hands without saying anything, and he brings them up, placing them quietly and gently on his face. Gladio’s still startled and nervous, but he doesn’t question Ignis and only keeps the hands on his beloved one’s face. 

And so, smiling softly, with Gladio holding his face, Ignis opens the eyes.

And he can see Gladio.And he’s seeing him.And he’s seeing him.

And the reaction is immediate; Ignis’ soft smile immediately vanishes, and his expression softens in a way that makes Gladio’s heart stop and ache inside. If he had to describe it in some way, he would say Ignis’ expression dropped. Because it felt like someting falling and shattering. Like a child running downstairs with the biggest of joys reflected on his tiny smile because he’s about to see Santa, but suddenly walks in on his dad putting the presents under the tree.It feels like disappointment. 

So Gladio says nothing and tries forcing a smile at him, but he can’t help the clear signs of worry and some sadness in his expression. Ignis doesn’t seem to catch it; he’s still staring at Gladio in awe. Soon enough, the recently healed man moves a hand up and places it on Gladio’s cheek. It hesitates an inch from his skin, before landing, and Gladio feels a bit rejected at the motion. Ignis’ hand slightly trembles against him. 

“My gods…Gladio…”

Ignis sounds breathless and he still has that shocked expression. Gladio eventually lets go of Ignis’ face, but the man’s other hand catches one of Gladio’s midwair and keeps it gripped. Gladio stares at him, trying to hide all his fear, and he suddenly feels something inside himself drop when Ignis’ eyes get all watery.And, suddenly, Ignis is smiling at him in a way Gladio had not ever seen before.Like a groom seeing his bride in her dress for the first time.Like Prompto stares at dawn.Like those videos of people reuniting with their family after ten years.Like Gladio had died, and had just come back to life after a decade.

Because besides smiling, Ignis starts crying.

“Gladio, you’re even more beautiful than before…”

And, of course, that takes Gladio off guard. All that he can do is look at Ignis eyes widened and mouth slightly opened. He grips back on the hand that Ignis is holding, and he looks a bit puzzled at the shorter man. Some moments later, Gladio smiles at him with a little exhale escaping him, and he feels his eyes start to water as well. Both grin at each other, and Ignis is still staring at him and holding his face and still crying. His eyes move everywhere, on every single inch of Gladio’s face. 

Gladio just lets him, and every second he does but widen the smile, because Ignis is looking at him like Gladio really is the most beautiful thing  in the entire universe. 

“Iggy, sweetheart, you’re missing the rest of dawn…”

“The past where it belongs” Ignis tells him. “Noct is gone and I have to accept that. But you’re still here. With me.” Ignis takes both of Gladio’s hands with his own. “Enough of looking at the past. I want to look at my present and future. And both, my darling, both are you.”

It’s then when Gladio drops his own tears. It’s joy, of course. But it’s so much joy it also hurts. Like excess of ice burns, the amount of happiness is so great it’s aching. Ignis had always had a way with words, had always been a silent romantic, but this was far more than Gladio could handle. It was not just their romance; all this involved Noctis, too, their loved friend and brother. It involved Ignis’ accident and injury. It involved everything they had lost and won, everything they had to let go, and everything they were earning now.

Gladio, crying as well, nods at him only, because he can’t speak anymore. He brings Igni’s hands up and kisses them, before Ignis lets go of one of them just to hold Gladio’s face again, caress it gently, clean away his tears while Ignis himself cries. 

They had planned to look at dawn that morning. That was literally the only thing on the list. But none look at it. They look at each other’s crying eyes and nowhere else for as long as sunrise happens. None look at their past. Both focus on their present and future, both held in each other’s eyes and just that. 

And the sun shines particularly soft and bright that morning.Like it’s happy to see them like that. Carrying on, together, and finally out of the dark.

Aaah…

Anon.

Anon this is a beautiful scenario. Thank you so much, anon :’)

Edit: Well, damn, this is longer and more formal than I intended.Almost-a-fanfic. ‘I don’t have the time’, I said. ‘I’ll keep it short’, I said.

[pensurfing]

Caitlin’s Three Things List

Okay, so moments (probably hours by the time I finish this) ago I wrote a goals list that I think is good for self-evaluation. (Keyword: This is what I think. results may vary depending on what you’re looking for.)

I’m going to hop to it and answer some of these that I laid out in hopes of having a better idea of what I want to accomplish. 

The Three Things Lists!

1) Three things that went well this year.

* Audience growth

So once upon a time, I grew a pretty decent following due to creating an Inktober Prompt list. My expectations: Maybe two of my friends would do this, maybe. And then one stranger that has followed me for a while. (There are a few followers I recognize their username because if I post something they always like it and for some reason that keeps me going.)

But because of this prompt, I was exposed to MANY new creators and illustrators that I now enjoy chatting with and following! Instagram had the biggest maintained growth. I’m excited to create for an audience that actually expects me to create and not just for friends who see my things “whenever they aren’t busy”. (Not to bash them or anything, just there are a lot where unless I tell them, they don’t see the posts I make.)

Another surge of growth in my audience was due to tabling at conventions this year. I was terrified to show my work let alone attempt to sell it to someone. Tabling at cons not only boosted my confidence but also quieted one of my ever going demons. “YoU sUcK aT dRaWiNg CaItLiN.” “How do you have a degree? oh right, you just barely passed.” I can’t say this is the case, there is an audience that genuinely enjoys my scribbles. So I am forever thankful to Atlanta Comic Con for giving me that chance. It honestly opened a few doors for me.

**Process

I’ve gotten more comfortable with showing my process. It can be messy, crisp, and illogical. But turns out the people who enjoy my content enjoy my scrambled thoughts. It’s something about not being alone in this sort of sense that calms the nerves.

So I can say with chest poked out that sharing process has gotten MUCH better. I can thank a self-help book I bought this year that was a FANTASTIC BUY. Austin Kleon has [two] (currently? If he has more then I’m buying it like people buy a name brand.) books that helped me see that it is GREAT to share not only the process but advice. “Show Your Work” is the book I’m talking about for now. Great tips, the outline is on the back of the book. So if you’re like me, I need to clearly see what I might be getting into, you might have a ball.

And finally, (not calling myself out on this but other) If you’re going to respond to people when they ask you “how do you___?” do not answer “Google it”. That is the rudest thing I’ve seen some of even my FAVORITE illustrators do; that response can burn in hell. PERIODT. (my one typo allowed.)

*** Art Style Exploration

For those who think college will help you establish an art style that you’ll enjoy or help nourish the one you currently have.... Let me save you over 80K.... No, the fuck it won’t.

That was the biggest thought I had going into art school. If anything, it confused me more and utterly destroyed what little confidence I had in my drawing style. After graduating, I had a huge swing from how I used to draw to how my art currently looks. I stopped trying to please the one professor who stood between me and my degree and started drawing to please my tastes. And guess what? That did something. And that something WORKED. I love what I draw now; I see why I chose this as my career path. I’m genuinely happy with how my pieces turn out versus in college just wanting to turn the damn thing in and hoping it isn’t an F.

2) Three things you could have handled better.

* The loss of a good paying client.

Now hear me out when I say this: A good paying client DOES NOT EQUAL a good client. Say that three times and then exhale.

Back earlier this year, I had the opportunity to work with a writer who gave me hell and back. And even that is an understatement. I dealt with her because in school you were taught “if they pay on time, finish the work and get the exposure.” 

I’m here to tell you my lesson learned: A good paying client DOES NOT EQUAL good exposure, good pay, a good client. 

I was doing the work of three for the price of one and a half. (And was always told I charged too much.) She tried abusing this power with friends of mine, with other illustrators. When things turned out bad, she tried saying it was my fault. She read my contract and then tried telling me I changed the wording, I purposely did this thing, another thing was my fault. I could go on with this story.

The part that I wish I handled better?

How I treated myself afterward. I’m so used to people telling me, “Cait, this is what you do wrong. This is how you fix it.” that I don’t consider my own feelings, and when I bring my feelings into the scenario they no longer matter. Because they tell me they don’t matter. In this case, I wish I had treated me better, because my feelings, my mental health, DOES matter.

**My Patience Getting Into Conventions.

Pretty self-explanatory. I got into one, finished one, and wanted to do eight more in a week. But this sort of thing just takes time and I need to accept that.

***My losses

I had to listen to a Little Mix song to actually learn this one. The context of the song is nowhere near the topic at hand. But a verse from Power feat Stomzy really packs a punch after this year: 

“ You look him in the eye and say, "I know I'm not a guy But see there's power in my losses and there's power in my wins" “

I had to look one of my demons in the face, and state something similar. My loses mean I’m trying. My loses piling shows I’m not willing to give up easily, and that is something that took a while to be content with.

3) Three things artistically you want to improve on.

*Composition

It’s not awful, but it can be better.

**Color

I told this BOLDLY if I might add while critiquing someone else’s portfolio; “Your color palette is boring. All your [things] look as if they are from the same universe, during the same time of day, with the same kind of mood. After three photos it’s bland, boring, and understood you have a preference.” 

Can you say damn Cait? The statement was, in fact, true, but I certainly could not talk. My color palette is mainly bright, pop, and happy. In order to tell a story, I KNOW it is best told with color. And I failed myself this year. But I sure won’t next year.

***My Damn Tag

Okay, alright. Why is it well-established artists have their tag figured out? Even some who’s art style is so recognizable (I’m looking HEAVILY at you Gabriel Piccolo.) we know it’s theirs, seem to have a tag that suits them and works for them. But more importantly, they put it in A VERY DECENT SPOT. SOMEONE SHARE THIS SCIENCE WITH ME? CAUSE APPARENTLY I DON’T GET IT.

4) Three things you want to focus on trying.

*More backgrounds.

As much as it pains me, I need to improve on backgrounds and perspective. When I do make backgrounds, I’m told I make great pieces. That I should look into becoming a background artist. And don’t get me wrong, I like them. But I don’t like them.

I feel as though I need to improve in that region so that way I don’t feel as though it’s a weakness of mine. My backgrounds are nice, but they aren’t nice to my standards.

**More designs

I love character designs, but let’s be real. If you were to scroll down my site or my Instagram page, or even this Tumblr archive, could you tell? 

I draw characters a lot sure, but none are designs. No process, no sheets, no turnarounds, none of that. So that’s a huge goal of mine for 2019.

***Scheduling posting

At one point I was pretty good at this. Live stream in Instagram and Twitter, cool. Videos on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Cool. Everywhere gets a photo, everywhere gets a silly one-liner. Yay. I’m not leaving anything out.

Well by the end of this year that totally crumbled. 

SO I want to try getting better at that thing there. Because having attempted this at the end of the year was cool, but it still wasn’t enough apparently.

5) Three positive things to tell yourself.

* You are an inspiration. That’s all you wanted to be in life, you did it. I’m proud of you.

**You didn’t kill yourself like you tried to; you opened up about it for once and used that pint up anger creatively. That is very hard to do, trust. I’m proud of you.

***You moved on, matured, and let it go. Even when the goddess inside you told you these peasants didn’t deserve your light, your friendship, your greatness. I’m proud of you.

I’m just proud of me for not snapping when I had every right to; not everything deserves a reaction.

6) Three negative things you want to leave for 2018.

*Comparisons 

Oh boy. I am extremely guilty for this: I’ll compare myself to a well-known illustrator my age. I’ll compare myself to friends who are in the field having a blast and getting work; I’ll compare myself to friends who aren’t in the field and they struggle at getting work. I’ll compare myself to the kid I graduated high school with who is traveling the world, is able to eat, come home to his dog and relax because he doesn’t have tuition to pay. I’ll compare myself to these goddamn baby boomers who keep repeating “We didn’t have it hard, you’re just being stupid. Millennials aka our children deserve to starve. We’ll just put our faith in our grandchildren because screw the kids we raised and refuse to pay accordingly. $7 an hour worked in my day, they need to make it work now.” I’ll compare myself to fake people I created in my head and purposely made scenarios and wonder why I’m not like them, said creations I made because I was pretty low for ten minutes...

I just compare myself too much. To any damn body. It’s draining, obnoxious and most of all pointless. My new motto for next year is: “Unless it is helping you grow yourself, your brand, your spirituality, don’t do it.”

I’m not comparing my chapter two to someone’s chapter thirty-five. I’m not even comparing my chapter two to someone else’s chapter two. I need to stop doing that PERIOD! My journey is different, unique, and worth seeing through.

**Listening to negative others.

A couple of years ago, I lost a close friend around the time my aunt passed away. During this time I was hypersensitive to any and everything done or said; I also kept many walls up to hide my mourning. He caught the crossfire of all of that. I kept secrets from him I was too prideful of admitting and lashed out because of the emotional turmoil I kept suppressed. While in the midst of packing his things and leaving my life, he mentioned that I was a failure because I was unemployed and artistically speaking I hadn’t accomplished anything; that I would remain that way because that’s just the person I deserved to be. Now mind you, I graduated college that year; he was a flunk out. I changed my art style dramatically compared to when I started school to pass; he thought just posting crappy pictures of lukewarm sketches were equivalent. I started attempting trends and all he could do was copy. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t to bash my old friend. If he were to come back into my life and move on like nothing had happened I’d do the same. (With some limitations.)

It’s just while typing out this scenario, of our four-year friendship I can’t think of one nice thing/compliment/gesture he has said to me. That’s my problem.

I can be praised, admired, and look highly upon for years straight. But my problem is I let others negative thinking and comments marinate with me for a long while. Too long of a while.

Another example is my mother’s friend. (My mom has many friends that do this shit, but this one stung more.) 

This friend always roots for me; treats me like a person, and encourages my artistic journey. I consider her family before my actual relatives. 

We went over for some barbeque the family was having and I was ready. Black Hallmark Cookouts, laughing, good food, good music, shit talking others teams. She asked me a harmless question of when was I going to quit my day job. Seemed like nothing at first, until the added gest of what she continued with. “All I’m saying is you can’t do [your day job] forever. That will get old. If the art thing doesn’t work out next year what’s plan b?”

I’m not a calm person (usually). Normal Caitlin would have cursed her out and mentioned how just because she chose a job to settle and be miserable at for most of her life doesn’t mean I have to follow suit. But again, of all the nice encouraging things she has done, said, and showed, for a while, I couldn’t think of it. 

So I pray I let go of this nasty behavior in 2018; it’s going to be hard but it is dire.

***Saying I’m Not Enough

Alright, now put the combination of the two above in a bowl and what do you get? A Caitlin who struggles in interviews and applying for jobs because I let comparisons and negative comments rule my thoughts. This stopped me from applying to jobs I would have been perfect for; internships that could have helped me; posting art online.

We (including me) have to stop thinking that in order to be an illustrator means we have to pass a certain threshold of struggle, success, and a huge number of followers. That isn’t the job description. NO JOB DESCRIPTION has ”must have at least 10K followers on Instagram or Twitter.” nOnE. 

So we (including me) need to stop treating ourselves this way. Period.

7) Three things you’re looking forward to in 2019.

*Going to move conventions.

**Adding pieces to my portfolio to try again at job hunting.

***Becoming content with the fact that my current situation isn’t my permanent situation. Unless I laze around and make it so.

Alright, so this was basically me calling myself out on my noise. Lashing out my demons and putting it in writing what I want to accomplish. I hope this inspires you to write yours, even if you keep it private. I hope it guides you and maintains your vision.

I’ll see you in 2019

A new wave

Caitlin xx

[kihocrystal]

Winter 2017 - Final Impressions

This is like a week late (again), but here are my thoughts about the animes I watched that finished this season! There’s 10 reviews under the cut, and they’re listed in alphabetical order for your convenience~

3-gatsu no Lion (March comes in like a Lion) - 9 / 10 ( A )

a super good character drama!!! I love how it focuses on themes of depression / loneliness as well!

the art / animation by Shaft is… well, very Shaft-like! (thanks Akiyuki Shinbo~)

good use of both muted / pastel colors and sharp / dark colors in different scenarios

hash lines were used on characters as well! gives it a sketch-like quality~

the animation itself was quite good too! mostly subdued, but had moments of really good fluidity

this shows itself the most in the more artistic sequences, for sure

and since this is Shaft, BOY did they pull out all the stops for those sequences!

…and yes, the infamous headtilts are also here :P

It was also good w/ the comedic animation (including w/ expressions!)

a note about *sound* for a sec: they always had voice-over to go w/ onscreen onomatopoeia!

plus they gave monologue voices to the kawamotos’ cats… interesting choice~

this show just *really* loves cats (even making shogi explanations using cats!)

there are A LOT of really good / memorable characters here; they help the show really shine!

(it IS a character-based drama, after all)

Rei Kiriyama!!! what a great (and relatable!) protag

seeing his mental struggles play out was very interesting to see (& also very complex, in a good way!)

he’s also very sympathetic, despite being a prodigy! he has to deal w/ lots of crap :(

we see him struggle & blame himself a lot, so it’s even better when he finds some happiness or revelation!

HE DESERVES TO BE HAPPY ;A; (…and he definitely makes progress by season’s end!)

there’s so many Good supporting characters that i’d be here all day if I went into detail about them ^^;

the Kawamoto’s are such a supporting family for Rei!!!

all 3 sisters are really good (and occasionally get some spotlight time… mostly Hinata though)

Nikaidou’s also a good guy… he’s kind of like Rei’s rival! (he’s kinda pushy but gives Rei good motivation & help!)

shout-out to Tatsuyuki-san; his personality was quite fun and also loves cats to death

Hayashida-sensei! He’s a bumbling guy, but really gives great advice once in a while :’)

he also is Rei’s main mentor on the school side of things, pulling some strings to help Rei move on to 2nd year ;~;

Shimada-san was a late addition, but HOT DAMN did he have a great impact on Rei + the show

I loved his backstory, i loved his personality, i loved his seiyuu’s performance… great character all around

Kyoko is VERY FAR from a Good character, but she shows more complexities as time goes on

on one hand, she’s VERY manipulative of Rei’s emotions; she also has feelings of jealously towards him + feelings for Gotou

speaking of Gotou, WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE

I don’t remember what his first appearance was, but that scene of him riling up Rei made me LIVID

at least he gets beaten by Shimada-san in the lion king tournament >:)

as far as story goes, it’s a character-focused drama; so it follows a year of Rei’s life going through high school and his pro shogi career

the drama comes from both character interactions & developments they go through; it’s executed REALLY WELL

the show pulls off both incredibly goofy and incredibly somber moments quite well!

Rei’s path of self-growth isn’t quite done yet, as the final episode shows him entering 2nd year and establishing a club!

the finale also has a look back on how his perceptions on life & loneliness have changed since he was a kid~

in any case, season 2 is confirmed and will be coming this fall season! \o/

Overall, I really enjoyed this artistic and introspective show! Definitely one of my (four?) picks for AOTS~

ACCA: 13-ku Kansatsu ka - 8.0 / 10 ( B )

This was probably the most chill & relaxed anime about bureaucracy and political coups / upheaval that I’ve ever seen xD

animation:

I really like what Madhouse did with the visuals! It’s quite a unique look~

The art style had elements of realism (w/ the characters, at least); however their hair looks fluffy & light! (& some funny facial features, so it’s not all realism :P)

not to mention the backgrounds are brightly colored & watercolor-esque~

the art in general is also kinda sketch-like with the outlines! it’s kind of a rough look but w/ a bunch of charm!

I also have to mention the FOOD in this show; there’s good attention to detail here, plus it’s drawn so nicely (+ even huge sometimes!)

the animation itself was also nice, in terms of subtle movements, like walking or hand/head movements!

super big shout-out to the *opening theme*!!! That was definitely my favorite OP of the season; it’s such a jam!!!

It’s also a nice contrast from the rest of the show’s tone (the song’s super upbeat, while the show itself is so chill :P)

characters:

The cast overall was interesting to watch; there’s a good mix of personalities here, but all of them contribute to the show’s laidback tone~

Jean Otus (the main protag) can sneaky when he wants to (but he’s mostly nonchalant)

he’s a nice guy, but doesn’t emote much… it can be hard to get a read of what he’s thinking, for sure

either way, he’s still quite caring (towards Nino & his sister Lotta, at least)

Nino’s great… he’s my favorite character in this show, for sure

he can be really sneaky sometimes, but is also a genuine friend to Jean & Lotta :’)

I also really liked seeing how tight Jean & Nino’s bond was~

it also helps that his seiyuu (Kenjiro Tsuda) had a great performance voicing him~

Lotta is a happy & cheerful girl who loves her food / bread! (she doesn’t contribute much to the overarching plot, though)

Rail (the policeman) gets dragged into some plot happenings from time to time, but proves to be a nice guy by the end

Prince Schwan, despite being the next-in-line for the throne, doesn’t seem to do much in the overarching plot (at least not until the finale?)?

in any case, any character voiced by Miyano Mamoru is still fun to watch regardless

Maggie (Schwan’s guard) keeps a good eye on him

plus he’s kinda a dork… in a deadpan way (& he sure loves his sandwich bread)

Lilium kinda blended in w/ the other ACCA chairmen in the beginning, but eventually showed his true (i.e. evil) intentions by ep. 10 or so

poor Grossular’s had it rough; first he had his country take responsibility for a major train accident, and now Lilium blackmailed / took advantage of him :(

he was a prime suspect to being the true identity of Nino’s main boss for a while, too! (it ended up being Oulu, the blond mustache guy xD)

Mauve was a good & strong female authority figure in ACCA too! She kinda acted like a private investigator at times :P

I was unsure where she stood most of the time, but I’m glad she proved to be the one to thwart Lilium’s plan in the end~

the other five chairman + other ACCA members were… just kinda there. That’s all I’m gonna say about them ^^;

story:

the basic premise involves Jean having to travel to each of the 13 districts within the country, while plans for a coup d’etat brew in the background!

no matter what wheeling & dealing was going on during the story, the tone always stayed calm & cool (w/ smooth jazz music to boot xD)

there’s quite a bit going on in the story at any given time, but I will admit it was hard for me to follow much of the time ^^;

many characters being really vague (I’m looking at you, five chairmen…) didn’t really help things in this regard either

of course, you could argue this adds to the mystery / intrigue, so… your mileage my vary

I was still interested in what was happening though! Especially when it involved the main players (& learning more about them!)

I liked the world-building!!! It was cool seeing how each district was different from each other~ (plus the different foods, of course)

episode 4 was particularly interesting, since it involved Suitsu & how it was kinda like a darker-tone mini-version of the overarching plot!

my favorite aspect of the story was learning about Jean’s (& Lotta’s) secret link to the royal family, along w/ Nino’s involvement w/ that!

the episode(s?) that were from Nino’s perspective as he grew up w/ his father (as they both watched the Otus kids) were definitely a highlight for me

the overall picture (or at least, where certain characters stood in the plot) grew clearer by the end, and by the climax, we knew for sure who the main antagonist was

the finale had the “coup” halted swiftly (and calmly, as is tradition in this show), plus we got to see a bit of epilogue too~

the climax itself was pretty short (& kinda underwhelming?), but then again, it makes sense considering how the rest of the show is, tone-wise

also, it’s worth noting that the anime as a whole covered the entirety of its source material! that’s a rarity nowadays!

Overall, I enjoyed my time with ACCA! It’s not the easiest show to follow plot-wise, but it has a cool sense of atmosphere & is just a very suave show in general xD

Blue Exorcist: Kyoto Impure King Arc - 8.5 / 10 ( B+ )

This second season, that we finally got six-ish years later, was pretty good! I think I preferred S1 (or at least the 1st half) but I still like what we got here!

art / animation:

A-1 Pictures did a good job here for the most part!

the art style does have some subtle changes from S1 (like bloom effects and rounder/softer features on characters), but not too different otherwise

I liked how the color palette felt muted and bright at the same time! the backgrounds were also quite nice~

plus the special effects weren’t bad (i.e. fire, the Impure King’s spore-like body)

I did notice some episodes in the middle dipped in animation quality (mostly in character’s faces/heads), which kinda took me out of those episodes :/

other than that, the animation was above average and had some good action animation in there (though not *great*, per se)

characters:

it’s good to finally have these characters back after so long! admittedly, it was had to remember what state they were all in at the start (…six years is a long time, okay?)

Rin is still a good and lovable protag! I love how he has such a kind heart, despite acting rough on the outside xD

he had to win back the trust of his friends (and overcome his fear of losing control of his flames)… i’m glad he got to find his self-worth in the end ;A;

Yukio still takes his duties very seriously and scolds Rin a lot ^^;

he had some mind-games to overcome too, courtesy of Toudou (thoughts like: jealously towards Rin and hating having to watch over him all the time)

not to mention he awakened some demon powers for the first time (demon eyes)!

by the end though, he still has a way to go (as he acknowledges he still very self-hating)

Rin’s entourage of friends were hesitant / distrustful of him at the start (due to events from last season), but were won over one by one eventually~

it was kind of weird being brought back (after so long) to *that* particular point… it was a little jarring from what I remembered of them before

Shiemi felt like she wasn’t being of much help (especially since Nee got temporarily destroyed), but she gained back her resolve as well \o/

plus she helped Rin gain confidence w/ a hug & nice words in ep. 7 :’)

Ryuuji got some focus as well, as he had a rocky relationship w/ his dad (which struck a GREAT parallel as pointed out in ep. 4)

Tatsuma was seen as suspicious despite his cheerful / ditzy attitude, but learning about the secrets he had to hide made him more lovable~

In general, we got to learn more about where Ryuuji, Konekomaru, and Renzou grew up and learn about their family sects!

Shura is still a good mentor / ally to Rin (& his friends), while also keeping him in line~

Toudou (the human villain of this season) was a good manipulator / mind-game player… that’s about it ^^;

…and Shirou is still a great example of a dead character remaining relevant throughout the show~

he’s still a motivation for both Rin and Yukio, plus we learned of his history w/ Tatsuma & the Sect!

story:

This arc starts off on a weird place, since not only has it been six years since S1, this arc picks up from the *middle* of S1

of course, this is because this season’s arc is from the manga, while S1’s second half was anime original

that being said, the transition could’ve been smoother; some canon-versions of events are only shown in flashbacks, for example :/

in any case, this arc is all about the Impure King’s eventual revival in Kyoto, and the exorcists having to stop it!

while the main story of this arc wasn’t doing much *new*, necessarily, the execution overall was… pretty good!

there weren’t many moments that reached the emotional highs of S1’s best moments, but they were still good here too~

that being said, stuff like Rin being reassured by Shiemi in ep. 7, and Rin finally controlling his flames in ep. 11… still good moments there!

however, episode 4 was definitely my favorite episode; it brought up that father/son relationship parallel i mentioned earlier in a GREAT way~

it was definitely the best emotional high for me, especially since it made a connection to such a powerful moment in S1 ;~;

I also liked seeing more of Shirou’s past life (as told through Tatsuma), along w/ learning Rin’s sword was originally the Sect’s object of worship!

Seeing Yukio gets confronted w/ mind-games was interesting to see, along w/ him unlocking demon powers for the first time!

It’ll be interesting to see the implications of this later on, assuming we get a S3 ;A;

in this regard, I’ve seen people refer to this arc as a “setup arc”, and I can kinda see why. Progress was made, but there were hints thrown out as well

the finale was an epilogue of sorts, with Rin & friends recovering + seeing the sights, Rin & Yukio talking it out, and hints of Mephisto’s ulterior motives

the talk between brothers at the end definitely left things open-ended for a continuation

Overall, I had a good time with this sequel, and I’m glad I got to see more of this series in general, after so long! The transition from S1’s midpoint can be kinda rocky, but still check this out if you’re a shounen fan~

Demi-chan wa Kataritai (Interviews with Monster Girls) - 8.0 - 8.5 / 10 ( B )

A cute and fun slice-of-life show about a handful of monster girls in high school (plus their teacher)! It does a good job tackling some social issues as well!

art / animation:

A-1 Pictures did a good job with the visuals here! Very light and simple style~

The color palette is full of bright colors (w/ lower saturation), and the character art style has rounded features for girls (some moe influence, probably) & angular ones for boys

The animation itself is mostly standard fare, but has some above-average fluidity w/ some special effects (Yuki’s ice tears come to mind)

it does lend itself well to comedic moments & timing, which is good for this show ^^

characters:

I liked the cast overall! they had a good dynamic together (which is good, considering how they become close friends over time)

Takahashi-sensei was a good (& different) lead for the show! He’s caring and very knowledgable about monster lore~

for a harem-esque main group like this, it’s great to see a different take on the typical “male harem protag” like this!

he’s a good support system for the other demi girls, and helps them be more confident in themselves (& learn more about themselves)!

(he’s like this for even Satou-sensei, since he’s really good at covering up the aphrodisiac effects have on him)

Hikari is hyper and silly, and is a big contributor to this show’s comedic side~

she’s pretty different from vampires of lore, which is explored quite a bit during the show (& ties into the show’s themes too)

I also liked how she’s not afraid to stand up for her new friends (like how she confronted people gossiping about Yuki) :’)

Machi is sort of soft-spoken, but she also smart and willing to talk to others!

she’s the most physically different out of the three (since she’s a dullahan), which leads to interesting (& funny) scenarios w/ her head & body~

she (w/ help from Takahashi & co.) develops work-arounds for her problems, and helps others feel less awkward about talking to her!

her crushing on Takahashi-sensei is… weird (why do you do this, show)

Yuki is definitely the most shy of the three starting out, and has the most noticeable development during her arc

she was self-hating over her demi (snow woman) nature, but the main crew help her learn about her abilities and help her gain confidence!

she becomes more outgoing after her arc, and even is shown to secretly be into hardcore manga~

Satou-sensei is a succubus teacher! She doesn’t have an arc, necessarily, but she gets some character focus nonetheless

she adjusted her daily schedule a lot due to her aphrodisiac effects, and has a hard time trying to confess her feelings for Takahashi

she tends to sympathize w/ Machi’s (& sometimes the others’) feelings towards him… you’re a teacher, don’t condone this… :/

aside from that last point, she is another good occasional support system for the girls, since she’s both a teacher and a fellow demi~

even *she* has her own support(?) system, in the form of Ugaki!

story:

like most slice-of-life anime, this follows the lives of high school girls and show their experiences, both good and bad

however, this one focuses around *supernatural* students: a vampire, a dullahan, and a snow woman! (plus a succubus teacher)

I really liked how this show handled themes of what’s it’s like being different (not unlike people w/ disabilities!), and helping people overcome social stigmas too!

it included stuff ranging from Yuki’s insecurities about her snow woman nature + being gossiped about…

…to more lighthearted stuff, like how Machi wanted to poke fun at her own differences without her friends feeling awkward about it!

the show would also compare & contrast the Demis w/ their mythical counterparts, which ties into this theme well~

moments like Hikari standing up to Yuki’s gossip bullies & the video letter to Takahashi were some of this show’s best moments~

there’s also some fun comedy! (which was kinda hit or miss for me)

the comedy’s at its best when it plays w/ their personalities and/or unique aspects of their Demi natures!

stuff like Takahashi + Hikari’s dynamic, plus Yuki’s hidden “hardcore(?)” side are good examples of this

the show’s comedic timing in general is pretty good!

this also includes the romance stuff though; they code Takahashi-sensei + the Demi’s relationship as romantic sometimes and it’s just… no

thankfully it was only one-sided (since Takahashi explicitly says he wouldn’t have feelings for them), but it still kinda rubbed me the wrong way

the finale was mostly some fun comedy stuff (it was a pool episode), but it threw in some nice heartwarming stuff in the end~

Overall, this was a really enjoyable & laid-back anime that wasn’t afraid to be serious / heartwarming too! (w/ some good social commentary to boot!) In a season full of comedy slice-of-life shows, Demi-chan (& one other) is one of the season’s best~

Kobayashi-san Chi no Maid Dragon - 8.5 / 10 ( B+ )

The *other* good SOL comedy this season! Really funny and really cute w/ that reliable KyoAni polish~

art / animation:

as per usual, Kyoto Animation did a great job w/ the visuals!

the style they used this time around is more cartoon-y than their usual style (so closer to Nichijou, rather than Hibike Euphonium)

very bright color palette and (kinda watercolor-like) backgrounds! Just a “simpler”-looking show all around (which is definitely NOT a bad thing!)

the animation itself is, of course, really great too! the fluidity is strong w/ this one~

whether it’s subtle movements or even an action scene or two, the animation has a great sense of movement & body language!

it also lent itself to comedic moments very well! (i.e. well-animated slapstick or good comedic expressions / backgrounds)

there is, also… some fanservice (not a *lot*, per se, but enough that it drove away some people on my twitter feed)

it’s mostly boob-centered, as a few characters have large boobs (w/ Lucoa having *huge* ones), so there’s… boob jiggle sometimes, among other things

the fanservice in this show specifically didn’t bother me *that* much, but your mileage may vary

characters:

the cast as a whole was really fun! they all played off each other well too!

Kobayashi & Tohru have a good dynamic together, and develop a good relationship together too! (let’s be real here… lesbians~)

both of them have pretty different personalities (stoic / brash vs. bright / bubbly), yet work together quite well!

Kanna is somehow stoic & happy at the same time! I like how she’s curious about everything & is just a good bean in general~

Lucoa has a nice “older-sister” dynamic w/ the others! She’s got good wisdom, but can also be a bit of an airhead ^^;

but please… someone tell her to give poor Shouta a break…

Fafnir starts out as wanting nothing but killing & destruction, but eventually bonds w/ Takiya-kun and gets addicted to video games ^^;

I liked seeing how he has his own ways of showing affection / appreciation for others~

(...and he’s voiced by Daisuke Ono, which is always a plus)

Elma didn’t even get introduced until episode 8 (& doesn’t even get a ton of screen time after that), but she’s enjoyable too

her revenge(?) against Kobayashi only lasted for 1 episode(?), and then just becomes an office worker (so she ends up being the most normal dragon, in a way :P)

story:

the premise involves an office worker lady who meets a dragon who decides to be her live-in house maid! (plus there’s other dragons!)

this is a slice-of-life comedy, so like most others, it goes through some daily life scenarios that are also humorous

this time around though, there’s DRAGONS! (so there’s supernatural stuff sometimes involved)

the comedy involved the dragons learning & adapting to aspects of human society, which was fun to watch

I liked seeing how they would react to different situations! (especially since each dragon would respond differently)

the characters bouncing off each other (i.e. dynamic) also led to some good comedic moments

kobayashi & tohru’s relationship was a big contributor to this as well

there were a couple reoccuring gags that got old after a while: Lucoa’s… boob antics w/ Shouta, and Riko’s overreaction to Kanna

the former is… basically rooted in fanservice (leave the poor boy alone! ;~; )

the latter I didn’t have as much issue w/ to start, but after seeing it pointed out on my twitter TL, I can see why people take issue w/ it (i.e. fetishization (i think?))

there were also some really nice heartwarming moments too! stuff like that helps elevate a comedy anime for me~

many of these were centered around the character’s relationships w/ each other (it was nice seeing them grow closer over time!)

the finale had a different, more serious tone than the rest of the show, but it was still really good!

seeing tohru (& eventually kobayashi) confront tohru’s dad really showed how much their relationship (& love for the human world) has grown!

Aside from a couple small issues, I really did have a great time w/ this show! If you’re looking for a fun comedy w/ supernatural elements plus some heartwarming stuff, this won’t let you down~

Kuzu no Honkai (Scum’s Wish) - 9 / 10 ( A )

A really well directed character drama about sexuality and unhealthy relationships… It’s definitely not for everybody, but it’s really well done!

art / animation:

Studio Lerche did a *really good* job with the visuals here! Definitely their best-looking anime yet!

the art style makes good use of muted colors and sketch-like outlines on characters; it makes everything look kind of like a watercolor painting!

they also do close-ups by overlaying a strip or square on top; sort of like a manga panel! (It’s definitely executed better here than in GATE :P )

the art direction in general is just really good… they know how to use lighting well, plus there’s good artistic / stylized scenes when characters are introspective~

as for animation, it’s nothing to write home about, but it gets the job done in the end~

they do sometimes use lower frame rates for artistic / stylistic effect though!

also shout-out to the awesome ED theme by Sayuri! I’d always want to sing along with it at the end of each episode (+ used really well as a transition!)

characters:

this cast is… quite the interesting bunch to say the least ^^;

the show’s english title is “Scum’s Wish”, so yeah, most of the main cast is pretty scummy in one way or another. The good news, though, is that it leads to really good *character development*! \o/

pretty much everybody got at least one focus episode, which is great!!! I love it when shows do that!!!

Hanabi is the main protagonist; she tends to keeps to herself, and is also snarky at times.

she goes through a pretty dark road over the course of the show, but comes to terms w/ herself and what she’s looking for by the end~

Mugi is kinda like Hanabi in some ways, but he can be quite forward at times, and also can get roped into bad situations.

he eventually comes to terms w/ his love situation as well, but it’s a bit of a rockier end for him :(

Akane… is definitely the “villain” of the show, and VERY easy to hate xD

she sleeps w/ guys all the time + plays mind-games w/ Hanabi + Mugi, but by the end, even she finds some happiness & change for the better through her new marriage~

Sanae is Hanabi’s best friend, and also a lesbian! Her personality is very headstrong and sassy at times.

she also starts going after Hanabi in her own way, in hopes of winning her heart… thankfully, the two eventually reconcile (even though it was messy by the end)

Noriko (aka Moca) is Mugi’s childhood friend, who still has feelings for him after so long…

she definitely has the least amount of screen time out of the main characters, but her focus episodes show another side of her character (+ her self-realization as well)

Kanai-san is Hanabi’s crush who falls in love w/ Akane… he doesn’t do much until closer to the end, during Akane’s focus episodes

There’s also Sanae’s cousin and that one womanizer dude, but they aren’t around much (but still have contributions to different character arcs)

story:

the premise on paper definitely will turn some people off, since it’s about two people “dating” each other since they can’t be in relationships w/ who they truly love

not to mention said people they’re in love with are probably 4+ years older than they are (& how Hanabi calls Kanai-san “big bro / onii-chan”… yeah :/ )

also there *are* sex scenes in this show (albeit no actual private parts are shown), and they can get steamy at times ^^;

so yeah, because of these things, this show is definitely *not* for everybody. I don’t blame you if these things’ll turn you off from this show…

that being said, even though this show is about messed-up people in messed-up relationships, it’s very well directed and executed!

they do a really good job of selling the emotion and subtle drama in each scene (including exploring characters’ mindsets really well!)

even though it’s a character drama, they still manage to pull off cliffhangers occasionally! You just want to find out where it’s gonna go from there!

each character arc wrapped up really nicely, and you can tell that they’ve bettered themselves by the end of the show

the final episode itself was great, too! it’s a little bit of a downer that Hanabi and Mugi go their separate ways, but it ties in with the ending quite well~

it also helps that the anime in general is a complete adaptation of the source material! we don’t get enough of those these days~

Overall, I really enjoyed this series, and is definitely one of my AOTS picks! If you like dramatic shows centered around romance, then this is a good one to check out!

Mobile Suit Gundam: Iron Blooded Orphans S2 - 8.5 - 9.0 / 10 ( A- )

This was a really good second season and conclusion to IBO! Not to mention really sad & heartbreaking ;A;

art / animation:

Sunrise did a good job with visuals this season too! The quality is pretty much identical to last season (which is definitely a good thing!)

lots of muted & dark colors; really got the look of a gritty war-centered show down quite well~

Mars and Earth have distinct looks and feel to them too! (Mars has more dark, earth tones, Earth has brighter colors & more cool tones)

actions scenes are pretty good too; the mechas have good fluidity at times! (mostly Mika’s mech; the others have more stilted movements, since they’re, y’know, robots)

characters:

the Tekkadan crew’s back, and they’re still as likable as before~ (of course, this makes it even harder when each one dies ;~; )

Mika is as stone-faced and ready to kill as before… he does lose function of his leg and arm eventually (i think by the end of the 1st half) by using Barbatos too much

Orga becomes a bit different of a leader this season (as evidenced by his new suit!), as he commands from afar and has more negotiating talks w/ other factions

he wrestles w/ a lot of things happening around him, and what the best thing is to do at any given time… he goes through a lot ^^;

Takaki was previously just another guy in Tekkadan, but he got his own character arc during the season’s 1st half!

he had to lead a subsidiary group on Earth, which put him through a lot… in the end, he decides to leave Tekkadan so he can be helpful elsewhere & stay alive ;~;

there were a few new guys on Tekkadan at the start of the season, w/ the most notable being Hush

he wanted to catch up to Mikazuki, so he could be of more help, like his brother(?) that he admired ;~;

there’s some new faces in Gjallerhorn as well, w/ the most notable being Rustal Elion, Julietta, and Iok

Julietta seemed obsessed w/ doing anything Rustal wanted her to do, and Iok… got kind of annoying after a while (he just… wouldn’t… die!)

Iok’s eventual death was really satisfying though~

not to mention Rustal and Iok were responsible for a lot of terrible things that happened to Tekkadan this season (including literally killing them w/ hitmen >:( )

also Nobliss can just go and fuck off (and thankfully he died the most humiliating death imaginable)

I also gotta mention Gaelio, who wore a mask for most of the season (even though it was *really* obvious it was him) + helped stop McGillis

speaking of McGillis, he ramps up his plans this season and put his grand coup de tat into action

he’s more manipulative this season (involving the Bauduins & Tekkadan), but definitely fights to the bitter end (all by himself, even…)

story:

this season picks up not too long after where last season left off; Tekkadan is a more prominent organization alongside Taiwan & Gjallerhorn

their prior successes led to more people wanting to enter Tekkadan’s lifestyle, which wasn’t really what Tekkadan wanted :/

there’s a lot of political wheeling and dealing this season that was interesting to watch, but there’s no way I could remember all the details ^^;

this also applies to military strategy (mostly on Gjallerhorn’s end)

the first half’s main plot beats mostly composed of the Earth branch arc (centering around Takaki), and the Mobile Armor arc!

seeing the Mobile Armor(s) in action was pretty crazy (and scary…), and it took A LOT to take them down!

after that arc, I would’ve expected them to be more relevant in the 2nd half, but that didn’t really happen at all (asides from Dainsleif usage)

the second half sees McGillis’ coup and Tekkadan’s life to its conclusion; going up against the mighty Gjallerhorn, but falling short in the end…

*lots of characters die* during this half… and all of them are REALLY SAD (*especially* Lafter and Orga, who die by hitman gunfire)

each death scene is really effective, but Orga’s especially is SUCH A GOOD SCENE (he dies looking forward the whole time; even his blood moves forward ;~;7 )

I wish he didn’t die 2 episodes before the end, though… Mika & Orga should’ve been able to fight together at the end ;A;

almost every main character dies, including Mikazuki… Tekkadan dies w/ it, making the ending partially a tragedy

the finale has the end of the final fight + epilogue; the antagonists win in the end, but they work w/ Kudelia + others to help make a better world

it felt kind of weird for Gjallerhorn to change like that, considering the bad things they did? But whatever works, I guess :/

that being said, I liked seeing the surviving members of Tekkadan lead new lives, and Atra getting to takes care of her new son :’)

Overall, IBO was an emotional and action-packed ride from start to finish! I really enjoyed my first Gundam series~

Shouwa Genroku Rakugo Shinjuu S2 - 9 / 10 ( A )

one of my AOTY picks from 2016 strikes again with this great sequel & conclusion to the series!

art / animation by Studio Deen is very subdued and not very flashy (i.e. not much in motion, per se) but it still looks quite pretty

good use of muted colors (both pastel & dark), plus good use of soft shading!

backgrounds looked nice as well! the set pieces in general helped sell many scenes, both artistic & grounded ones~

also super shout-out to that awesome OP sequence! great scenes centering around Yakumo + unsettling music = MAGIC!!!

this season shifts back to modern(?) day, so we see much more of characters that we only saw in the 1st and last episodes of S1!

before we get to that though, let’s talk about Yakumo!!! what a great character / protagonist

he’s a stubborn old man on the outside, but a haunted soul on the inside, who can’t escape his past & the two main people in it

a lot of this show’s appeal was seeing how his story would progress (and finally, conclude)

we all wanted him to find his peace at his death (& even after it!)… it all worked out in the end ;~;

he’s complex in a lot of ways, which makes him interesting to watch for sure (especially after watching S1)

yet another mention to Akira Ishida totally rocking it in his performance; he does it all w/ this character!

Yotaro’s back!!! He’s such a chipper guy the whole way through, and he’s a joy to watch~

He can be very headstrong too, and can help force some sense into people!

The scene where he confronts the gang boss comes to mind

Another part I liked was the episode where he watched Sukeroku’s taped performance… I liked seeing how “into it” he was

He’s also very determined to keep rakugo alive into the future! He was a great foil to Yakumo in general :)

Konatsu is very short-tempered & snappy at times, but she has a caring heart deep down too~

I loved when she got to perform Jugemu!!! She was so happy getting to fulfill her dream! (She even did it again in the finale!)

Her becoming the first female rakugo performer in the end was another added bonus~

I have mixed feelings about her never learning the truth about her father (Sukeroku’s) death... There could’ve been some good character development to come from that, but at least she gets to keep a secret of her own in the finale :P

Speaking of that secret, her teasing about the possible identity of shinnosuke’s father in the finale… i don’t know how i feel about that :/

other supporting characters like Higuchi-san were enjoyable too, even if their contributions were more minor

I did like seeing Higuchi-san butt heads w/ Yakumo on multiple occasions over their viewpoints towards rakugo’s progression though! (It was intriguing drama :P)

I love characters staying relevant even in death, and Sukeroku (and Miyokichi to a lesser extent) are no exception

he’s a motivating factor for Yotaro, but is like a haunting ghost to Yakumo (which is a nice contrast~)

we got to see their development book-ended in episode 11 too~

I’m glad Matsuda-san got to see everything to the very end (including sending Yakumo off in the afterlife) :’)

As for the story, just like last season, this is a character drama first and foremost~

Unlike 3-gatsu no lion, however, there’s more of an overarching plot here (w/ Yakumo’s life story + how rakugo will survive past his death)

the plot was more enjoyable this time around, since we’re finally progressing the modern day timeline! This season picked up right where the 1st season’s finale left off~

it definitely can suck you in w/ its execution! Again, it’s very subdued / laid-back, but you can still sense the tension in the air during many scenes!

any scene involving Yakumo literally seeing things (or his run-ins with the shinigami) definitely grabbed & peaked my interest!

these scenes had a mysterious, almost supernatural vibe to them! It made them even more interesting to watch~

when red-eyed Sukeroku shows up in the OP, it can’t be good news… those cliffhangers were 2spoopy4me :P

I talk about Yakumo’s scenes a lot, but other characters like Yotaro had some really tense and heartwarming scenes at well!

I brought this up in the character section too, but scenes like Yotaro ranting to the gang boss, or Konatsu reciting Jugemu in front of the elementary school kids, were also great!

the transition to Yakumo’s final scene of life to death is kinda weird, but the scenes / episodes on both ends were really nice!

episode 11 was like a de-facto finale, as Yakumo (+ Sukeroku & Miyokichi) got to tie up loose ends in the afterlife, plus Yakumo got to do one last show to the dead crowd (+ Konatsu)~

the finale was a nice little epilogue showing both of Konatsu’s kids all grown up, and how rakugo will continue on~

This season was a great follow-up (& conclusion) to last season! This is definitely an AOTS pick for me (and possible AOTY pick… again ^^; ) If you’re looking for a great character-based historical drama, this is an easy recommendation for sure!

Tales of Zestiria the X S2 - 8.0 / 10 ( B )

this was a good second cour for ToZX! it had some good character focus stuff + action, and (will probably) conclude the story!

Note: This is based off the anime *only*, as I have not played the game(s).

art / animation still looks really nice, thanks to that Ufotable polish & magic~

The motion in action scenes were quite fluid, plus good special effects (i.e. fire, magic, etc.), which just makes it… really nice looking in general!

animation isn’t quite sakuga-tier, but it’s still more fluid than in most action anime!

it makes good use of muted colors (both warm & cool tones) as well, with nice backgrounds to boot!

plus the characters are drawn / rendered quite well~ (the CGI isn’t too bad either (i.e. dragons), aside from distance shots of people moving)

In terms of character development, Rose was definitely a main focus this season (in comparison to Alisha last season)

hell, most of the plot for the show’s first half (or more) was driven by her character arc!

we really get to see Rose change her mentality for the better, plus learn more about her past and explore her bond w/ Dezel!

speaking of Dezel, he ended up being a really entertaining guy himself (plus a good partner in crime for Rose~)

he had good development as well (along w/ his personality that grew on me over time), making it even sadder when he dies in episode 23 ;~;

Alisha doesn’t have as much screen time during that first half or so, but she definitely has her contributions in the second half~

she even gets her own armitization forms, which apparently weren’t in the games! \o/

During Rose’s character / story arc, Sorey had a good clash of ideals w/ Rose, which was interesting to see

It helped give him a new perspective, even if it didn’t change his ideals much in the end

Oh yeah, Zaveid *finally* came back and became a full-on party member this season! He’s still a cool fighter guy w/o a shirt :P

even then, he didn’t come in until the second half, but he definitely forged some bonds with Dezel (and Alisha too, I think?)

As for everyone else (including supporting cast), they were fine! No major developments, necessarily, but still good to have around

Story time! Like I said in the character section, Rose’s character arc was kind of a story arc in itself, taking up slightly more than the first half!

Even though the “main plot” was in the backseat, I still enjoyed this arc and finally learning about Rose (who we didn’t know much about during S1)

plus it had a tense climax w/ Rose trying to kill the man from her past… it ended sorta anticlimactically, but it wrapped things up regardless

The second half was definitely more skewed towards the main story, since there was the dragon in Ladylake(?), plus the final battle stuff itself

I almost forgot, there’s more Berseria references this time! Thankfully not full episodes this time, but just references for world-building

it sounds like these references though are from endgame stuff, meaning friends of mine playing Berseria had to stop watching to avoid spoilers…

I will say that this show does “the calm before the storm” pretty well, for the most part! Good character interactions + lead-up confrontations

also, considering Sorey is all about purifying everything, it’s fitting we get backstory for the final boss himself in ep. 24

As for the finale… as of when I’m writing this, the final episode hasn’t aired yet, and won’t for another month or so. So all we have for now is ep. 24 as a pseudo-finale...

That episode though was pretty good! It felt like a proper penultimate episode (i.e. the first part of the final fight), ending right on Sorey’s big power-up!

I have good reason to believe that the finale, when it comes out, will have a good sense of conclusion, so I’m not too worried~

I may update this review after that episode comes out, but time will tell if I get around to it ^^;

Overall, ToZX is a very solid fantasy action series! It doesn’t break much new ground, but its execution makes up for it to make an enjoyable experience~

Youjo Senki (Saga of Tanya the Evil) - 7.5 - 8.0 / 10 (C+ / B- )

An enjoyable (and popular!) military action show which centers around a basically evil protagonist! It had some interesting elements to it, but there wasn’t enough of them to go above “meh” status for me :/

art / animation:

Studio NUT is a brand new studio, and this was not a bad first outing for them at all in this department!

the dark and muted color palette helps to realize this war-torn alternate world, along w/ this show’s darker tone

this setting is very heavily inspired by WWI / WWII… *insert Nazi comparison here* (it takes place closer to WWI years, though)

the characters themselves are rendered w/ a slight lean towards realism, but still have cartoonish elements to them

the former characteristic is most notable in the male designs, and the latter is definitely noticeable in the female designs (i.e. big eyes, “pouty” lips, etc.)

animation-wise, it’s nothing to write home about, for the most part.

there were a couple nicely-animated action sequences (w/ the best one being in ep. 11), but other that that, it was mostly standard fare

the CGI, though, is not very good… you don’t see it much, though, so that’s good at least

characters:

sure, there’s a decent sized cast here, but there’s really only one character worth mentioning specifically... and that, of course, is Tanya herself.

she’s ruthless, brutal, heartless, and willing to sacrifice her own to reach her goals… no wonder she’s called “Tanya the Evil!”

her personality (& the idea of the protagonist basically being a VILLAIN) is definitely one reason why this show became popular this season

her backstory adds an interesting layer to the mix too, as she was a heartless company owner in her past life! (plus she retains her memories from said life)

seeing what actions she would take next (or how she’d react to certain situations) was a big appeal for this show too

not to mention she has to “pray” to the very thing she hates in order to launch attacks w/ her gun >:3

oh yeah, I liked Serebryakova, the girl who was Tanya’s right hand girl!

Her cheery personality was a good foil for Tanya’s, plus she’s voiced by Saori Hayami~

there’s also those military officers / strategists, I guess

aside from Erich, who had the most suspicions about Tanya, the others just felt like… generic military guys :/

story:

the premise sets up Tanya, an evil corporate boss in her past life, in a war-torn world where she must fight in the military!

it’s all about Tanya trying to get revenge against God / “Being X”, and dis-prove its existence…!

this battle of ideals / wits was the most interesting of the show for me; my interest went up whenever Being X (or anything related) showed up

Being X not having a set form, and only showing up through possession of other things / people was a cool concept too!

however, I felt like we didn’t see enough of this aspect in the show… so it felt like a generic military show, most of the time :/

any plot points that didn’t relate to the Being X overarching plot (or Tanya herself) didn’t really grab my interest… the military stuff was kinda boring, in that regard

episode 11 was my favorite episode, as it had Tanya duking it out w/ the guy she seemingly killed earlier (plus he had Being X powers!)

I felt like that fight was too short for the buildup we had for it, though… it was a good fight, though!

the finale was definitely more quiet and reflective, but also was pretty open-ended.

Overall, I had a good time with this show; there were interesting ideas in here for sure, but they didn’t get as much focus / screentime as I would’ve liked… That being said, I can see why this show became quite popular! If you like military shows (or shows w/ evil protagonists), give the first 2 episodes a shot and see for yourself~

I also will be writing a Final Impressions post for Yu-Gi-Oh! ARC-V, which also finished this season! I’ll update this post with the link when it’s done~

[userpoe]

I was tagged by @fisforfulcrum thanks sweetie 😘

Why did you choose your URL?

I was really getting back into my sequels spin and wanted something short and snappy to change to, but I also wanted it to be connected to Poe in some way. Since all the good Poe urls were taken, on a whim I checked to see if zoriis was available. It was, so I changed to it and it...just sort of became my brand? I don't ever wanna change from it I don't think...unless a really good Poe url opens up anyway, which I doubt. And I get a serious seratonin rush whenever anyone refers to me by my url in the tags idk why.

Any side blogs?

I have my x reader fic blog @luminouspoes where I use to reblog all my recs + post my fics before I decided to move all my bullshit here. I'm also co-mod of @thedamereynetwork because I love my babies.

How long have you been on tumblr?

Since 2011/2012. I didn't really get active on here until late 2013, though.

Do you have a queue tag?

the classic and very original "queue". I use to do the snazzy quotes thing but I can never stick to one for very long. I've debated here and there making a new queue tag, maybe with a sw quote, but eh who has the spoons for that.

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

Initially back when, it was meant to help me with my nonfiction writing. Instead, Tumblr ended up being instrumental in me discovering fanfic and honing my fiction writing craft through that. I remade my blog a shit ton of times as a teenager, though, and the thing that kept me coming back was all the pretty content and my friends. Plus, where else am I gonna be this weird on? Twitter? Hell no.

Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Because I thought the Poe emoji on the Star Wars app was precious. Then, for pride month, I decided to add the aroace flag behind him because well. I'm asexual and dubiously aromantic, and I hc Poe being aspec, so I thought it'd be nice. Did you know his second X-Wing kind of has the same color palette as the aroace flag? It's pretty damn cool still not Black One but cool

Why did you choose your header?

Because @abelmorales and @michaelperry are responsible for me falling head over heels with Michael Perry and I wanted to include (1) soft perfect angel teacher man on my blog somehow fjsjsjskss so soft af flannel clad grading papers Michael it was.

What’s your post with the most notes?

This Poe gifset here, which astonishes me given how many braincells I had to rub together to figure out how to phrase the captions (the irony, I know). I guess we have a thing for competency and forearms in this fandom?

How many mutuals do you have?

A few! Dunno how many dunno how one would know that.

How many follows do you have?

Too many, in my opinion??? There's almost 1.2k of you now and I don't know why you're all here but I appreciate it nonetheless.

How many people do you follow?

Little under 200 and most of those are inactive anymore. I'm pretty picky abt what I follow cos of my anxiety and also idk if you've noticed but most of my interests revolve around shit that's been over for several years. And a lot of blogs are really ship-oriented, and I just...don't vibe with shipping communities so I try to stay on the outskirts of all that.

Also I'm pretty guarded about who I follow due to years of casual aphobia being thrown around this site, and now wariness about how blogs act abt neurodivergent folk and characters

...but if anyone knows of any more active Oscar blogs that are nice abt Poe and the sequels or moffat era dw blogs...please let me know fjdksks my dash is always dead

Have you ever made a shitpost?

With my brand of humor I think most of my jokey posts kind of teeters on it. But I don't think I've ever outright done a shitpost.

How often do you use tumblr each day?

*coughs* pretty often. I'm a slow scroller, so it takes me awhile to get through the dashboard to start with and I also like checking the edit tags and then if I go through a blog I can end up going down a rabbit hole of looking through their posts or their tag about a show or movie or character I like and then whoops where has the time gone. But I'm kind of pulling myself away from scrolling so much on Tumblr, if anything so my dashboard is a little more active when I do hop on, and also so I can get some other hobbies in like writing or reading (working through the second to all the boys book rn!)

Did you have a fight with another blog once?

*laughs my ass off* no. I stick to my lane, if someone posts something that I'm uncomfortable with or I disagree with, I just... unfollow? I'm not interested in vague posting people either, I don't see the damn point. This is my little internet cottage and I don't see the point in fighting the village when I can just ignore them and care for fellow wanderers, ya feel?

Though, come to think of it, I have told off a fair few anonymous asks who were trying to bully my friends or mutuals but. I don't know if we can really count that or not.

How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

[wibbles hand] I think some can veer a little too closely to guilt tripping the readers, but if it's something really important, I understand the urgency.

Do you like tag games?

I do! They're a lot of fun, I just wish I had the spoons more often to do them. I also tend to freak out because I never know who to tag because I'm simultaneously worried I'll be annoying if I do tag someone, and if I forget someone I'll make them feel left out.

Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

First off, Laura's answer to this question is so damn precious I'm going to cry, love you babes. Second of all, I genuinely think all my mutuals are Tumblr famous. Like in my head I'm just like "that person is so fucking awesome oh my god they're so cool I bet they have so many followers they deserve it all their posts are exquisite". I love my mutuals and there's a good chance (see: yes) that if we're mutuals I consider u my friend in my head I'm just too shy to admit it out loud yet jdjdks

Do you have a crush on a mutual?

I literally get hearts in my eyes everytime I go down my dashboard. I am platonically kissing you all on the cheek and giving you cocoa. I love you.

no pressure tags: @bee-dameron @djarinsbeskar @michaelperry @abelmorales @starryeyedstories @misterrimpossible @exlibrisastra and @princedimitris and anyone else I may be blanking on

[tarafytheworld-blog]

Makeup Tutorial

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZotXHXSv5G8

Whats up everybody? Welcome back to my channel.,Today we are diving into this glamorous, glowy, peachy, smokey eye look.,I’m feeling the high fashion fantasy, and yes,,I might have sex after I finish this video.,But today we are going to recreate this look.,Now, I got so many requests from about a week or two ago,when me and Manny did our reading mean hate comments video,,you guys are all like what the hell is on your eyes.,So, today we’re going to recreate that,,and can we just talk about the glow for a second?,Like, oh it’s like burning my cheeks, my retinas are on fire.,We are using two highlighters today for the glow,,we’re also going to be testing out some new Marc Jacob beauty products,that have real coconut infused in the makeup.,Do they work or do they not, that is the question.,But besides that you guys, if you want to see how I created this fantasy,,then keep on watching.,Alright, let’s dive into this look.,So today, as you can tell, I have no contacts in,,these are my real brown, hazleish eyes.,Now, for a primer,,today we are going to be going into one of my all time favourites,,the Sicily Double 10 CR Primer this one is everything.,So I am going to of course coat my fingers,and rub this all over my face.,For a foundation today I am going to be going in with,something  I haven't really used on camera before,,it is from the brand Guerlain and this is the Lingerie Foundation.,Now this one is supposed to be a skin fusion,like texture where you look amazing and flawless.,Now let’s get a little damp beauty blender and get to work.,Alright now, for a concealer today,I am going to be going in with the new NARS soft matte complete concealer.,I used this the other day in a full face first impressions,and I was shocked at how,,like smooth it went on my skin, I was like, oh, okay honey.,So we are going to be dipping it again,,I’m just going to go in this is mine of course,,Im going to go in with the beauty blender and get some on the tip.,come on tip.,and I'm just going to take this and to it right under my eyes.,Oh my god guys, this concealer like melts into your skin,,maybe because the Beauty Blender is damp,and it like really works well with it.,Mmm, the only thing I wish is the shade was a little lighter,,this is their lightest shade, this is a number one,,I just wish there is a little bit more,but I’m going to add some powder in a second and brighten it and set this face.,Now I’m going to take my mac studio fix,and shade shivering white with the damp Beauty Blender,,I’ve been doing this for years,and lately I have kind of been you know, I’ve been trying so many products,I’ve been steering away from this but I’m going back to my favorite trick of really,like lightening under eyes and looking lifted,,so we are going to take that on the damp Beauty Blender,and what I’ll do is I’ll just take it right under the eyes,and I will press it in almost like an upside down triangle type of motion,and it just gives you in a look of like...,Oh, her skin is fetch.,Alright now we are going to really set the under eyes,in anywhere I put concealer, like the chin,,the bridge of my nose and of course the forehead,and I am going to go in with my favorite setting powder of all time,,the La Mer ‘The Powder’,and you guys know I had been using damn Beauty Blenders,forever to dip into the powder,it melts right into your skin and it is a nice little beauty hack,and we are going to buff that into the skin,and you can leave it and just have it sit there for a minute while it soaks in,and you can brush your way in a second.,Now I’m just going to take a little synthetic brush,and brush off all of the loose powder,and now its time to do a little contour if you will.,So today I’m going to be going with a brand new bronzer,that I just discovered at Sephora,and it is from the brand Marc Jacobs,,of course Marc Jacobs is exclusively in Sephora.,Now this is the new Coconut Bronzer,,look how big the packaging is honey, yes!,You know I’m a size Queen.,Oh my god it smells so good,,it’s like pure coconuts in your nose and this shade is called tantastic,,it is the mega bronzer and this is of course limited edition,in the beautiful white extending packaging.,Now it also has a brush you can buy with it,which looks something like this,,look how big that brush is though, look at that.,Now I think you’re supposed to, you know use the brush with this and go in,,I’m not sure, oh wow, that’s like a lot of product,,so I might go in just a little bit to see what it looks like,,I’m scared it’s going to be really pigmented,I guess there’s only one way to find out.,Alright, I just bronzed up my entire face,,we hit the cheeks, forehead, jawline and nose,,oh my brush smells like coconut, I’m like hungry now, girl fuck.,Now we are going to do some highlight right now.,My new favorite combination is,peach goddess with eclipse skin cross mixing these together,,oh my lord.,So I am going to take this on a soft A23 brush,and we are going to go into peach goddess, ahh hi.,Alright peach goddess is laid down,and now I’m going to take out eclipse and use a Morphe five 10 brush,and we’re just going to gently caress the moon and put that right over.,Ohhh lord, help me now.,Alright you guys have seen me do my brows a million times,,so I’m going to quickly do them off camera,with a little bit of benefit precisely my brow,and Anastasia dip brow and I’ll be right back.,Alright now let’s get these eyes started.,Today we are going to be using a YSL couture eye primer,so remember to always of course use a synthetic makeup brush,when applying any primers.,Alright now that the primer is down I’m going to take a Ivory shade,and put it all over my lid up to the brow bone,and I’m going to be really shady,because it is a shadow that I am working on for the fall,and it’s not final so no one go crazy and post about it,,or you can post about it because I love when you do that.,But it’s just a shadow that I’m working on,that I’m not going to show on camera yet,because I don't know if I am going to change it or alter it,,but the fun thing about lab samples,is that you can play around with it for a while and tweak it any which way you want.,So it’s kind of similar to my shade china white in a beauty colour palette,but it’s a little more intense.,Now this eye look is really simple; it looks a little smoky and dramatic,,but I really only used like two brushes and literally two eyeshadows.,So we’re to pull out my Androgyny eyeshadow palette,and today we are going to,,I’m feeling like Vanna White. Dah dah.,Today we are going to be dipping into only a few shades,and one of them which is the main star of the look is of course charm,,my favorite transition color for really any look,and we’re literally going to start patting this on our eye.,So you’re going to take the brush,,and you’re just going to start in the inner corner,and I’m going to go like this,and that is like a little place holder for where I am going to stop.,So we’re going to start there,and now we’re going to take this same bus with the same of course shadow,and we’re going to go all the way over.,And then you’re going to take it and I’m going to start going into my crease,and we’re going to go all the way in like this,and you’re going to stop it right outside of the eye.,And now you're going to fill it in and do the same with the other side.,So now I am just packing on charm all over the lid,and what I started off camera is I took a blending brush,and I just kind of feathered it out,barely with any product on the end,,you’re just going to go basically in little motion like this,,you’re going to blend up and outward.,And now we’re going to take a tiny little Mac detailer brush this is the 221,and were going to dip into shade dominatrix,this beautiful dark chocolate shade right here.,A little goes a long way with this one,so I like to coat the bristles completely,,knock it off a little bit and then this is really say,I’m going to put this right in my crease, so I’m going to tilt my head up a little bit,so we’re just going to massage this into the crease,and give us that really dramatic look.,Alright now this eye look is almost done,,we just got to smoke out the under,,but before I so that I am just going to go back into eclipse really quickly,with the brush we put on the primer.,And we’re just going to go right below the brow bone,and we’re just going to pack on some eclipse,right on the arch of the brow,just so it gives a more uplifted look.,Alright now we are going to go in with,one of my all time favorite black eye liners this is smoulder from Mac,and I am just going to put this on my waterline quickly and then get to smokin.,Alright now I’m going to go back in with charm,we’re just going to place this right below the waterline,and just drag it out,and sometimes I like to tilt my head so there’s no fallout.,Alright so I’m going to take another tiny little brush,,this is the Morphe 507,and I’m going to go back into dominatrix for one split second,and I’m literally just going to brush right below where I put smoulder,,only like barely,so it’s only going to give you a little bit of a liner effect,but like barely like a little detail I want to add.,Ohh, hi there.,Now it is prime support master,so of course y’all know about to go in with my benefit roller lash mascara,and then we’re going to put on some falsies, so let’s get to it.,Alright, now I’m going to quickly pop on some lashes,and today I’m going to go in with the lily lashes in style Miami .,These are really gorgeous but not too dramatic,,I want the eyes to really have a moment I was like,,hi I’m peachy and I’m here bitch.,So I’ll be right back.,Alright, lashes are on, now it’s time for the lips.,Today I’m going to be going in with the Marc Jacobs liquid lip cream in shade,,what is this one called again, your’s to try.,This is a beautiful, warm toned, nude color,,I think it’s going to go perfect with this eye look.,Alright lips are on, oh I love a color combo right now.,Alright I think the only thing left to do is set the face,and not to sound like this is a coconut March Jacobs whore ad,,but they also came out with a brand new setting spry,and I just got this stuff in the mail right before I filmed this,,so I though why not, let’s give this stuff a whirl.,Now you will see some missing because I was trying out the pump,,I heard so many mixed reviews online,and I saw my girl Jacqueline Helene snapchatted a few weeks ago using this,and a lot of people were saying,that the spray came out like really like I guess intense.,I noticed that if you don’t press down all the way,,it does kind of shoot out, so quick advice for anyone,that has this or is about to try it,,you have to go all way down and then it creates a beautiful fine mist.,So I saw a lot of people just kind of like,venting or asking me have I tried this yet,,so I haven’t tried it on my face I just sprayed it a million times.,So let’s see what happens.,Oh it smells so good.,I forgot to tell you what this is called you guys, sorry,,this is the perfecting coconut setting mist...,recover is what it says on the bottom.,Now I am noticing that it didn’t completely dry down my forehead area,but the rest of my face it did,so I’m just going to take this Beauty Blender,and just kind of buff out those little light coats,,almost like droplets on my forehead,and there we go it is blended, pretty blended.,Now the settings also said that it’s supposed to lock in your makeup for like 24 hours, I’m like girl,,I ain’t wearing makeup for more than six hours.,But I will let you guys know that in the description box,if this worked for me or not, but it smells amazing,,I mean all the coconut stuff is just like,,I don’t know, I’m like hungry right now,,craving a chocolate bar with some coconut shavings on it.,But I’m with you guys, I think that this look is almost complete,,I want to change my hair and do something different,because so many of you are like,,girl where’s your slay intro shots, where’s the fucking wigs.,Well be right back then.,And this is the final look I am feeling this high fashion glam moment.,Look at this hair bitch, slayed by David Scissorhands.,Don’t fucking play me baby.,I love this look I feel like I could wear this anywhere,,to Walmart, to the grocery store, to a fashion show in New York.,I’m just feeling myself right now,but I hope you guys love the final look.,I had so much fun filming it.,I would love it if you guys recreated this look,if you have the Androgyny palette,,dip into some charm honey and create some magic.,Thank you guys so much for watching this video,as always you guys are the best.,I will see you on the next video.,Mwah. Bye guys.

[joneswilliam72]

Meet horror master and live theater innovator Darren Lynn Bousman, director of Saw II, Repo! The Genetic Opera, and his newest St. Agatha.

I caught up with live theater innovator and legend of horror Darren Lynn Bousman – the director behind Repo! The Genetic Opera, The Devil’s Carnival, Saw II, III, IV – for a chat on horror, world building, the filmmaker’s color palette, film scores, immersive theater as it relates to his productions The Tension Experience, The Lust Experience, and Theatre Macabre, and much more as it relates to his newest film, St. Agatha, out today in theaters and On Demand and Digital HD.

St. Agatha is a most unconventional horror flick with brains, atmosphere, and a lot to say considering the #MeToo age and its story. It's the 1950's in small town Georgia, a pregnant con woman (a fantastic Sabrina Kern) on the run seeks refuge in a convent hidden in deafening isolation. What first starts out as the perfect place to have a child turns into a dark layer where silence is forced, ghastly secrets are masked, and every bit of will power Agatha has is tested. She soon learns the sick and twisted truth of the convent and the odd people that lurk inside its halls. Agatha must now find a way to discover the unyielding strength needed to escape and save her baby before she's caged behind these walls forever.

The immersive theater experiences are well worth checking out too for a potent psychological thrill ride. Start by checking out this link for The Lust Experience to get an idea of just what it is and how it operates – check the link here for Lust's general site.. As Bousman says below, it’s like Westworld meets The Game.

Check out St. Agatha and The Tension Experience today, and stay tuned for my other interview with actress Carolyn Hennesy (who plays the Mother Superior) coming very soon, and enjoy the chat with a insanely-creative, horror master below.

Hello Darren.

Hey Wess, how you doing man?

Oh, I've been better – a little sick today with a fever.

Sorry to hear that.

It happens, thank you though. Getting right into it, what was it that attracted you to Saint Agatha as a project?

A couple of things... You know, a lot of it comes down to who has the project or who can I attach to the project. In the case of St. Agatha, I was able to work with a lot of the same people that I just got off a project with called The Tension Experience. The Tension Experience is a immersive theater production that I operate that's very much like Westworld meets The Game.

It looks incredible. I love a great psychological thriller – will definitely have to check it out.

I had met Sabrina [Kern] on that – she's the lead of The Tension Experience – and I just fell in love with her, I thought she was fantastic. So, you know when I read it and I realized that I could make Sabrina Saint Agatha, I thought that that number one excited me; number two, working with some of the other ancillary players, like the writer of The Tension Experience – Trin Miller – who plays Paula, some of the other people – that was exciting to me.

I imagine. Adds a nice cohesiveness to the film too.

You know what the other thing is is that it was... I love shooting, I just love going and making movies and it was a movie that came to me and they said, "Look, we're ready to go next week are you ready to do this?," and so it was a very easy "yes!" for me because it was something that wasn't going to turn into a huge, long development deal. It was something that was going to be done really quickly, and so that to me was another huge selling point.

Marsha Fee Berger as Sister Susan in the horror film “ST. AGATHA” an Uncork’d Entertainment release. Photo courtesy of Uncork’d Entertainment.

Well there you go. You know, watching your other movies like Repo! and The Devil's Carnival, one thing that really jumped out at me was the world building. You're exceptional at that part especially. I'm just curious, what were the challenges like building this world in St. Agatha that's very stuck in a particular time (the late 1950s) versus in your other films that weren't so stuck in time?

So that was an interesting question because with something like Repo! or Devil's Carnival, it literally is a flamboyant, boisterous, off center type of thing where the sky's the limit. With St. Agatha you're basically set in a very specific color palette. What they can wear, what the location can look like. I couldn't be flamboyant and over the top. That said, ironically, Joseph White who is a cinematographer, was the same cinematographer as The Devil's Carnival and Repo! The Genetic Opera.

Fascinating. Was just thinking of St. Agatha’s color.

…We still use the same color palette. We're still using the storaro gels, and there's some extreme hypercolor in this. So we tried to basically set it in a realistic environment with a very nightmarish or very hell-like feel in the gels that we would use - the blown out windows, the night being like extreme blue.

Absolutely. It really accentuated the characters' state of mind well.

A simple test to show the non-cinematographer what Storaro gels do with lighting.

When they go in the coffin for example – that really, really vibrant orange. So, there was that. This was much more of a challenge for me because again I couldn't be over the top like I normally would be…

Oh it was still a good horror flick Darren. Interesting how the story's nature shaped your creativity and decisions there.  What were some of the other challenges like on St. Agatha?

So, you know, this was a... first off, it's the first movie I've done in a long time that I didn't create. I wasn't the initial writer on it, so trying to interpret what the script meant and what the writers originally envisioned was one thing. But, on a movie like this, I mean there was no time or no budget. It was a very, very modest budget, and I think we shot the movie in, I want to say 17 days – 17 or 18 – but I think it was 17 days.

Wow, yeah.

And something like this it's one take move on, one take move on. There was no trying things out, there was no experimenting, and there was no second guessing. It was literally, I would talk to the actors for a minute, we would shoot it, and we moved on. There's something liberating about that, but there's also something that's kind of frightening knowing you do it once and that's it.

Interesting. I've read about some directors who like shooting that way, even when they don't have to. Clint Eastwood being one of them.

(L-R) Carolyn Hennesy as Mother Superior and Sabrina Kern in the horror film “ST. AGATHA” an Uncork’d Entertainment release. Photo courtesy of Uncork’d Entertainment.

Another thing that really comes out for me with it was the score and the music you guys used.

Yeah.

What was your process like with that? I gotta say it really reminded me of Goblin and their work on the original Suspiria.

That's so funny, I literally... literally one minute before I got on the phone with you I was talking to somebody about Goblin. So, when I met with the composer, a guy named Mark Sayfritz, who I've used on a couple of my films. I used him on Abattoir as well which is my film before this.

Interesting. I watched that last night. I liked the horror, film noir mix. But anyway…

I gave him three soundtracks, and I said these are the three soundtracks that I want you to kind of emulate or reference. It was Rosemary's Baby, Omen, and Suspiria – Goblin. Those were the three soundtracks.

And if you go back knowing that, listen to it, I said I loved the lullaby feel of Rosemary's Baby. I loved the chanting – kind of weird satanic chanting – of The Omen. And I loved the insanity and almost... the energy of Goblin. And as the movie progresses, it definitely turns into Suspiria towards the end. His voice and the chanting and all that kind of stuff.

Nice.

So those were, you know, Mark Sayfritz is a crazy person in the most brilliant way possible. So I think he completely, not only nailed the score, he made it a character.

He really did. He absolutely did. I hadn't thought about it as a character, but it's very true.

(L-R) Marsha Fee Berger as Sister Susan, Sabrina Kern as Mary Carolyn Hennesy and Hannah Fierman as Sarah in the horror film “ST. AGATHA” an Uncork’d Entertainment release. Photo courtesy of Uncork’d Entertainment..

Switching gears just a little bit to a question that I ask most everybody but slightly tweaked: What makes a great horror film?

Well, there's a couple different answers to that and it changes based on what movie I'm talking about, but I think number one it's got to elicit something. Now that could be rage, that could be love, that could be disgust, it's gotta elicit something. And I think it's... the worst are the ones that do nothing, that you watch them and you walk away and you just kind of shrug. It's got to leave you with something. So number one.

Absolutely. Nothing worse than a sterile experience watching a movie.

Number two is I think that you have to be able to find something relatable in it. And I think some of the best work done, there has to be something... maybe you don't know what it's like to be trapped in a coffin, but there has to be something in it that you can relate to. I think why the Saw films worked so well is that, you might not know what it's like to fall into a pit of needles, but you might know what it's like to be scared of a singular needle. And so you take that and you exaggerate it to an extreme thing.

And so, you know, I think to me that's what makes a great horror film.

That's a great answer. It's not one I've ever heard before either – and that's a big question by nature when I ask people. Another one that I'd like to ask about, what films and directors do you consider most influential on you as an artist?

Well that changes, you know. It literally changes by the week. So, I'll go with the classics. I mean, you know, Jim Jarmusch and David Lynch, and the way that they just did not give a fuck. They just did what they wanted to do, and if you didn't understand what they were doing or you didn't like it, then who cares. They just did not care. I love the kind of balls and brass...they just did what they wanted to do. Terry Gilliam in the same respect. You know, watching Brazil is probably one of my biggest influences as a film maker.

Definitely. Especially with Lynch for me.

And then I look at something like Darren Aronofsky and Requiem for a Dream, which that movie to me is the quintessential horror film. Now most people would not call it a horror film, but it's horrific in every sense of the word. And so I look at somebody who can take a movie that's not traditional horror and they make it horror. I think that's what Requiem for a Dream did.

Agreed. It doesn’t get more real-life scary than that ending. Damn. Will remember it especially forever.

But then I look at something more modern, like the new Suspiria... that movie was so intense, so insane, so crazy, that you know, I look at it and I'm like this is the type of movie I aspire to do. More recently, not as recent as Suspiria, but The Witch, Robert Eggers. I saw that movie and I was just blown away... Those are all fantastic.

The Witch blew me away with how Eggers used natural light and the surroundings to get that intense claustrophobia in the film. That and the elements taken from actual primary historical sources about that time period, like the transcripts of witch trials.

He  created something new and unique. He did not try to rehash something that we've seen before. He did something completely new. So, it kind of is all over the place.

Agreed wholeheartedly. Our last question, what’s next for you?

So, I just finished a movie a few months ago in Thailand called The Death of Me, which will be coming out next year. I'm finishing post on that.

Cool. We’ll watch for it.

I'm still doing a lot of immersive theater stuff, and immersive theater's kind of my passion. And if you don't know anything about what I do, I highly recommend people check out The Tension Experience, The Lust Experience and Theatre Macabre – which are basically real world versions of The Game meets Westworld where an audience is the primary central role in the narrative, and the audience themselves unlock the narrative by the choices they make. It's kind of a... it's a drug, and I'm 100% addicted to it.

ST. AGATHA trailer.

From The Tension Experience on YouTube.

"Mark It Up" from REPO! THE GENETIC OPERA.

THE DEVIL'S CARNIVAL trailer.

SAW II trailer.

from The 405 http://bit.ly/2SChN3H