#i hate her so much i'm having a panic attack in the bathroom and she yells even louder and gets worse

[born-to-lose]

Not my mom badmouthing the job I'm really excited to get 🤡🤡🤡

[sincerestlove]

Anxious - R.G.

hello again! hope you enjoy this short one. and thank you for the request!

Request: Helloo can I request one where like Regina keeps asking reader to come to a party but reader doesn’t want to, but like Regina is forcing too much so reader comes to the party and like have a sort of panic attack because of the noises and crowds and Regina comfort reader etc? Thanks!!

Pairing: Regina George x Reader

Warnings: Anxiety and mental health struggles - please read at your own discretion. anxious reader, comforting and supportive regina

"Gina, please don't make me go."

The blonde rolled her eyes at you, putting the final touches on her makeup, lips puckered as she stared intently in the mirror.

You had been fidgeting on Regina's bed, feeling anxiety bubble in the pit of your stomach at the thought of attending tonight's party. Karen invited half of the student body to her house tonight to celebrate her birthday, which meant it would be crowded. You hated large crowds.

"Y/N, it'll be fine. I'll literally be with you the entire time, I promise." The blonde capped her lipstick, turning around to walk over to you, hands coming to rest on your shoulders. Her bright eyes softened as she met your gaze, rubbing circles into your shirt soothingly. She could always tell when your anxiety spiked. "Listen, if things get too overwhelming, we can leave, okay? Just take a deep breath."

You nodded, taking hold of her hand and squeezing to bring your heart rate down.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

~~

You were wrong.

It was horrible.

As soon as you pulled up to the house, you could feel the bass booming, speakers blaring, filling every corner of the house. You held onto Regina's hand for dear life as she led you through the house, looking for your friends.

Gretchen and Karen were talking animatedly in the kitchen, sipping on bright red solo cups filled with god knows what alcoholic concoction. Your nose turned up at the smell of sweat and cheap liquor that hit your senses.

The two girls greeted you and Regina, pulling you into a hug. You smiled nervously back at them, an uncomfortable chill running up your spine.

"Here, Y/N!" Karen stuffed a cup into your hand, encouraging you to take a sip. You obliged, cringing at the burn in your throat. Regina smiled at you knowingly, taking the cup from your hand and replacing it with orange juice.

You mouthed a quick thank you, taking a generous gulp. The three girls fell into conversation as you stood close by the blonde, curling into her side. You did your best to drown out the music - but it was so loud you literally couldn't even hear yourself think.

You felt the familiar claws of anxiety digging into your skin, little beads of sweat forming on your forehead.

There were so many people crowding the house, it felt like oxygen was being sucked out of your lungs, making it harder to breathe.

"Gina, I-I'm going to the bathroom." You mumbled and pulled away without waiting for a response, fumbling your way toward the bathroom. Luckily, you had been to Karen's enough time to know where it was. You locked yourself inside, taking a deep, ragged breath in, feeling the burn of your lungs. Every breath you took felt like it wasn't enough.

Your hands began to sweat and your skin flushed, suddenly feeling too hot in your thin blouse. With shaky hands, you shut off the lights, sat on the toilet seat and caged your head between your legs, praying for the noise to stop.

You weren't sure how much time had passed before fists were banging on the door, jiggling the door handle. "Y/N? Are you in there?" Regina's voice flooded the room. "Let me in, please."

You were barely able to get up and unlock the door, falling back on your butt onto the floor. Regina barged in, closing and locking the door again behind her. She decided to keep the lights off, kneeling beside your cowering, shaking frame. "Hey, I'm here, baby. It's okay, I'm here." She took you into her embrace, holding on to you tightly.

"It's too loud, Gina." You spoke quietly, hands covering your ears. Regina nodded, helping you to stand up.

"Okay, Y/N, it's okay. I'm sorry, baby. Let's go home. Come on, let's go." She whispered to you encouragingly as she led the pair of you out the front door and into her Jeep.

Regina held your hand the whole drive back to her house, ushering you inside quickly and into her bed. She helped you change into a pair of loose sweatpants and a t-shirt, wiping your makeup off before tucking you into her bed.

The rest of the night was filled with apologies and sweet words from Regina, your favorite snacks (that she kept in her bedside drawer just for you), a Netflix movie and soft kisses, until the two of you fell asleep wrapped in each other's embrace.

hope you enjoyed!

as always, please leave requests if you have any! :)

[mionemymind]

Chapter 3: Choosing for You

My Rival Series

Series Summary: The time where Y/n Y/l/n and Wanda Maximoff were academic rivals that fell for each other.

Chapter Summary: The competition is here. Who will be the winner?

A/n: This was a long chapter, honestly might rewrite it, but here it is with all its mistakes and glories. And I'm sorry if you've asked to be tagged and wasn't included in this post, I'm posting this from work because I promised to give y'all something. (Gif credits to @elizabetholsens)

Warnings: Rivals to Lovers, Obvious Feelings, Stubborn Reader, Cursing, Alcohol, Mentions of Puking, Memory Loss, Panic Attack

Word Count: 7.2k

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 |

Fall Semester - Freshman Year

“Why does winning matter so much to you?” Winning hardly had rewards in life. Sure, there was sometimes money involved on the line but other than financial gain, winning was mainly there to feed the ego. For Natasha, she never viewed Y/n as someone that cared about being number one in life. Based on the few phone calls she overheard, the university felt like a getaway from troubles at home. So why did Y/n even want to win? 

The brown eyed girl sat in confusion. Her pencil was still as she wracked her brain for an answer. By all means, winning is fun. Back in high school, Y/n would naturally win things that being number one felt like home at that point. But having moved on from that mentality, winning wasn’t quite the same in Evergreen University. Well, it’s not like she had a chance to feel it when Wanda Maximoff was around. 

“If I’m being honest…I don’t think I’ve ever worked for a win in my life before.” The two locked eyes as Y/n softly confessed what was long on her mind. She placed her pencil down and gave Natasha her undivided attention. “Studying has never been my thing before up until now. Don’t get me wrong, I quite hate it, but it feels different now. Like if I just beat her once, then that high will be like nothing ever before.” 

“Does she really challenge you that much?” The question sunk into Y/n’s brain and into her deeper subconscious. She sat quietly, overthinking her answer. 

“I think…she’s the only one that ever challenged me at all.” 

Competition Day - Spring Semester - Junior Year 

‘Why does winning feel so wrong?’ Y/n looked in the mirror, splashing small bits of water on her face to help wake herself up. Rolling her neck, she could feel how stiff her bones were from last night. Unfortunately, the bus was no help at all, only providing mild comfort on their four hour journey. 

Stepping out the bathroom, Y/n wore the tightly pressed and cleaned uniform as Wanda started her speech for the group. “I want to thank you all for joining us today at this competition. For some of you, this is your first time ever attending the conference while for others, you are returning. Regardless, you’ve all earned your spots on this team, so congratulate yourself for that.” 

A couple of applauses were heard as Wanda smiled at the team. She briefly glanced to Y/n who was sitting all the way at the back of the bus. “I know that this bus is carrying some of the brightest minds that Evergreen University has to offer. Without a doubt in my mind, I know we can win this competition.”

Y/n looked away to the view of the hotel where the conference took place. The turmoil in her gut was hard to ignore as she focused on other things besides Wanda’s eyes. ‘Winning is a must. If I want to come back to her here, then I need to win.’ 

“However, winning is not always the priority. Overall, I’ve been more than happy to see everyone grow into their strengths and even improve your weaknesses. Your efforts have been highly noted by both of your captains.” Y/n looked back at Wanda, her stare as confident as ever. 

“We want to thank you all for all the nights, practices, and energy you’ve committed to be in this competition.” Wanda looked over as the bus entered the garage of the hotel. “Okay, everyone come in for a quick send off.” 

Everyone gathered into a huddle, placing their hands in the middle. “On three - one - two - three - Evergreen! Fight! Fight! Fight!” Their hands lifted into the air as Wanda looked at Y/n with a determined smile. 

‘I’m going to win.’ The brunette thought as she stared into those brown eyes, but little did she know the costs of this win.

The hotel was massive. It was honestly a surprise at how many schools can fit into one place. Some had to fly in, having been more than five hours away. The group followed Wanda to the selected tables meant for Evergreen University. 

“Break into your groups, Y/n and I will be investigating the brackets to see who we will be versing first. We have about an hour before round one is officially called. If you need to change or use the bathroom, this is definitely the time to do so. If you have any questions or concerns, please let Y/n and/or I know immediately.” 

Doing as told, the members immediately broke into their four person group and discussed strategies for round one. When no one came up to ask any questions, the pair walked off out of the conference room, and into the large hall that had many posters hung up with all the different brackets. 

There was a small but comfortable silence as Wanda walked slightly ahead from Y/n, focusing on finding out who they were versing first. While Y/n was also thinking of the competition, she wondered if they were ever going to talk about last night. 

Walking up to the first bracket they could find, Wanda took a picture of it and sent it to the math club group chat for everyone to see. “Princewell University, Maroon State College, and Gale College, not a bad start. Looks like we’re going to easily make it into the second round.” 

Since Y/n was unable to sleep last night, she made use of her time by looking over the bracket. Going over the many possibilities, there was still a high chance of her group making it to the top five. Round one was thankfully full of easy opponents having judged their previous matches with other schools. 

“I agree. Looks like our main trouble is with Harford University. But they’re all the way at the otherside. I’m hoping Legacy College takes care of them so we don’t have to,” Wanda comments. She turned to face Y/n, taking a good look at her clean uniform and brushed hair. 

“I need you to be on your A-game today.” Unsure of where Wanda’s seriousness was coming from, Y/n nodded in understanding. “If you can give me that, I’ll overlook this morning.” 

Puzzled by her statement, Y/n asked, “What are you talking about?” Wanda crossed her arms, trying her best to be level headed at the moment. 

“You wreaked alcohol. Last night was a supposed to be a get together, not an opportunity to get drunk.” The judgment coming from Wanda’s tone felt like a slap in the face as Y/n took one step back. 

“Are you kidding me? I took one drink. I wasn’t the one that was drunk last night. Are you seriously remembering the same night as me?” The small moment with Wanda was all that Y/n replayed in that moment. 

‘Apologize and I’ll forgive you for everything - apologize and I’ll let go of this whole feud.’ Whether Y/n was going to loudly admit it or not, the small ounce that she saw of Wanda’s true personality changed her view of the brunette. Even if the conversation was small, even if Wanda didn’t hear her response, even if it was a drunk confession, Y/n was going to cling to it. 

Wanda was always the girl that was number one but in that small moment, Wanda was just a girl who wanted to win for the sake of not disappointing her father. Because God, how could someone ever be disappointed in Wanda Maximoff? And how could they not see just how amazing she was? 

But as Wanda rolled her eyes, and hardened her stare, Y/n knew none of that moment mattered to Wanda, not when her green eyes still showed some form of hatred. “I remember last night clearly. Everyone in the group arrived and managed to say check in with me. You were the only one in the group that I didn’t even get to see. Once it was late, I went back to my dorm and slept. But it’s obvious why you avoided me - you were too busy drinking rather than focusing on the competition.”

“That’s not-”

“I don’t want to hear your explanation. Your team deserves a good leader and if you can’t provide that, I’ll make sure that math club will be looking for a replacement captain next semester.” The pounding in Wanda’s head was hard to ignore as she walked away from Y/n, not even bothering to hear her side. 

‘Focus. Everything will be alright if you just focus.’ The ringing in Y/n’s ears was louder than the judge in front of her. The question left his lips almost slipped past the girl but thankfully her teammate, Luke, was paying attention, easily answering the question. 

“Another point for Evergreen University, which solidifies their victory for this match!” Cheers erupted from the crowd as each group got up, giving the other members handshakes for the great match. 

‘I can’t fucking focus.’ Y/n wore a fake smile as she congratulated the other captain on the team, quickly walking off the stage. Ever since her interaction with Wanda, her nervousness and anxiety came back in full throttle. Her mind went from completely tired to panic. And while her drive to win increased, it came with overthinking as well. 

“That was a great match everyone! I’m so proud of you all for being so great for these four rounds that I haven’t had to worry one bit.” Well Y/n did worry, just not for her team’s sake. “I’m going to go ahead and let the staff know about our victory. In the meantime, go ahead and relax at our table. After the fifth round, let me know if y’all want snacks. I can go ahead and purchase them for everyone.” 

“Thank you Y/n. We appreciate it!” Luke stated, he was a returning member of the competition, one that Y/n knew well. Letting the group walk away, Y/n finally brought her guard down as she walked out of the conference room and to the direction of the staff booth. 

‘I can’t believe I fucking froze.’ Y/n knew the question was for her, yet she had to rely on her team member for something she could’ve easily answered. Wiping her frustrations off her face, Y/n tried to compose herself before she approached the staff. 

“School, team, and placement?” The lady wore rectangle shaped glasses. She offered Y/n a kind smile, ready to write the results. 

“Evergreen University, team two, and we won our match.” Y/n peeped her name tag, Laura, as she wrote down the results. 

“Looks like you’ll be versing Apollo College next in conference room seven.” Laura handed Y/n a slip of paper with the information before calling next. 

Shoving the paper in her pocket, Y/n walked past several conference rooms, their doors open for anyone to watch their matches. None of them interested her, but her voice certainly did. Stopping at the entrance of the doors, Y/n watched Wanda flawlessly answer the question. 

The bright light focusing on her group amplified her natural beauty. Y/n could pick up on every single detail, something she already knew like the back of her hand. Her jaw clenched as she noticed Wanda's smile, the same type of smile she had when she got hundreds on tests. 

The anger inside Y/n manifested once more. She could legitimately feel herself start to boil the more she stared at Wanda. It was dangerously coming close to the anger she felt when she lashed out at Natasha that one night. 

Clenching her fists, Y/n walked away from the match, unable to stand Wanda any further with thoughts of winning in her mind. 

‘You’re making mistakes.’ Wanda stood in the crowd with her arms crossed. The displeased look on her face was hard to miss as she witnessed Y/n make her third mistake of the match, causing another precious point to be missed. Her brain rushed through many thoughts of disappointment towards the girl she used to hold to a high regard. 

‘This isn’t like her.’ But the frown on Wanda’s face deepened, did she really know Y/n at all? Yes, she can admit that Y/n was smart. Smarter than a lot of people at their university. But other than that obvious characteristic, Y/n was admittedly someone she only knew at surface level. They’ve hardly spoken outside classes or math club. Essentially, she was just a stranger that was smart. 

Shaking away the sadness that was snaking through her, Wanda watched as Y/n sat back in her seat. 

The shame that Y/n carried on her shoulders felt massive along with the anxiety that continued to paralyze her more and more. The brown eyed girl was certain of her answer, so when the judge loudly announced that she gotten it wrong, embarrassment flooded her senses knowing that Wanda was in the crowd, silently judging her every move. 

It all came down to the final question of the match. Whoever answers correctly will have to verse Wanda’s team. Luke, once again, got up, ready to answer the question. All eyes were on him besides Wanda and Y/n. 

As the two finally locked eyes, Y/n couldn’t help but drown further in Wanda’s rage. ‘Forget everything I ever said - I do fucking hate you, Wanda Maximoff. And I hope you never forget that.’

-------------

“We need to talk.” Celebrations for Evergreen University were deaf to Wanda’s ears as she held Y/n’s wrist. Quickly, she led them out the crowd and through the near empty hallway outside the conference room. Dropping her wrist, Wanda stood there fuming with anger. 

“What was that?” Y/n didn’t want to speak, unsure of what would be the ‘correct’ choice of words for the brunette. And by the looks of it, nothing was going to satisfy her. Choosing to be silent anger Wanda ever further. 

“This isn’t the time to be childish - you’re making mistakes and if it wasn’t for your team, you wouldn’t have had this spot in the finals.” Y/n clenched her jaw as she bit her tongue. Sure she made mistakes, but it hurt Y/n to realize that Wanda didn’t even care for the ways she did contribute to the team. 

Mistakes were permanent for the girl that was always perfect. That was something Y/n realized now more than ever. 

“Can you not let go of three mistakes, Captain?” Y/n continued to stare off at the other side of the hallway, refusing to make eye contact with Wanda. Her words sneered off her mouth, feeling disgusted at the way Wanda ridiculed her every move. 

“Un-fucking-believable. Dean Holloway was right.” At the mention of the Dean, Y/n’s blood ran cold. Her eyes locked with Wanda’s, as the brunette stood there. “You take everything as some type of joke. And to think I stood up for you.” 

Y/n’s mind scrambled on what possibly happened between Dean Holloway and Wanda. ‘Does she know about my scholarship?’

But why on Earth would Wanda assume such things if she knew about her scholarship? Pressing for more information, Y/n asked, “What did he say?”

Wanda rolled her eyes. ‘Of course that’s what she would focus on rather than her own mistakes.’ Looking at the time, there were twenty minutes left before the final. The brunette should have been using this time to help practice with her team, yet here she was arguing with Y/n. 

“Last week,” Wanda sighed. This all felt pointless to admit but she felt that Y/n needed to know. Maybe this could be what straightened up her act. “Dean Holloway asked me to reconsider your place in this competition.” 

“What?” Y/n took a step back at the confession, feeling more hopeless at how rigged everything was. ‘How could he do this to me?” 

“I told him that I could trust you - that you were the only person besides me adequate enough to lead the math club. Somehow, he managed to let me know that you were slipping in classes. No longer being at the top.” Wanda looked at Y/n. She focused on all the minor details of the face that haunted her mind. But upon seeing how hurt those brown eyes looked, Wanda couldn’t help but falter slightly. 

“I wanted to believe that it was all wrong, but now…” Y/n silently pleaded as her mind went into overdrive. Couldn’t Wanda see how innocent she was? How she had been studying day and night for weeks just to make it another year at Evergreen? Couldn’t she see that this was all for her? 

“I think we should go back to our groups. We need to prepare for the final. But Y/l/n…after this competition, we might have to reconsider your place as captain for math club.” 

How cruel the world must be for the universe to deal Y/n such a bad draw? And how awful it must feel to know that Wanda was the one that delivered the final blow? 

‘I have to win for me.’ Water dripped down Y/n’s face as she stared at herself in the mirror. There was five minutes left before she was expected to take the stage. Currently, Y/n was in the bathroom, hoping to subside the panic attack that was itching to come out. 

‘Even if the school doesn’t want me, even if Wanda doesn’t want me, I want this more than anyone.’ Gripping the counter for stability, Y/n slowed her breathing down, hoping it would be enough. She wasn’t going to let the world decide her fate even if it had cheated her of a fair opportunity. 

“Welcome everyone for the final match for the annual math club state competition. I’m thrilled to announce that this year’s top two teams both come from Evergreen University!” Applause rumbled throughout the large conference room as the rest of the school's watch in anticipation. 

Wanda sat in her seat, overthinking her conversation with Y/n earlier. ‘Did I go overboard?’ Sneaking a glance at Y/n, it was hard to get a read of what the brown eyed girl was thinking. ‘Whatever, she needed to know.’

Pushing her thoughts to the back, the brunette focused back on the competition. It was finally her turn to go up as well as Y/n’s. 

“Please find the inverse of the following equation.” Like a switch, everything in Wanda’s mind grew silent as she focused on the question on the screen. In seconds flat, she hit the buzzer to submit her answer. 

“And the correct answer choice was…C, point goes to team # 1.” This was Wanda’s element - this was her reason for being. Glancing at Y/n, Wanda knew her purpose. She was number one and god forbid anyone that stood in her way. 

The competition went by like a blur. In the first quarter of questions, Wanda’s team led with a gap of seven points. However, after a couple small mistakes by her team members, Y/n’s team was able to catch up and shorten the gap. 

Right now, there are only five questions left. The score remained tied as Y/n tried her best to remain perfect. If things were to continue the way they were, the last question would determine the winner. 

Before she knew it, it was finally her turn. Standing up to take the podium, Y/n glanced at Wanda accidentally locking eyes. ‘I will be the one to defeat you, Maximoff. I will make sure of it.’

Fall Semester - Freshman Year 

“I’ve never seen you study so much before. It’s kinda freaky.” The two roommates sat around the small circular table in the middle of the room, enjoying a couple of drinks and snacks. Natasha begged for Y/n to stop for at least a small break, having missed talking to her roommate. 

“Trust me, I hate it just as much as you do.” Y/n stretched her legs at her sat position. Rolling her neck around, a couple of pops and clicks could be heard. 

“Why do it? Your grades are fine the way they are.” Y/n looked back at the pile of books on her desk. She never really recalled studying this much before during her high school days. Heck, she’s been able to get by this whole time just by how naturally smart she was. So when she looked back at Natasha, there was this ‘ya know’ look in Y/n’s eyes. “Does it have to do with Wanda?”

Y/n smiled at the mention of the brunette. It was odd at how many classes they were in together even though their majors were entirely different. There was something about Wanda that caught Y/n’s eye. She didn’t quite know what it was and didn’t quite want to delve too much into it. 

“And if it does?” Y/n sipped on her drink, a smirk on her face as she avoided Natasha’s question. The red head shook her head, grabbing a chip.

“Well - you speak of her like she’s a God.” Eating a couple more, Natasha watched as the glimmer in Y/n’s eye brightened every time the brunette was brought up. Like the simple mention of Wanda could make Y/n smile instantly. 

“Wrong, Wanda’s not a God. Gods make mistakes,” getting closer to Natasha’s face, the red head could smell the faint of alcohol on Y/n’s lips, “and Wanda Maximoff does not make mistakes.” 

Y/n leaned back, still drinking the rest of her drink as Natasha looked at her roommate with a puzzled look. “Whatever you say. Just try not to make this a habit now.”

Y/n shook her head, feeling optimistic that she’d beat Wanda soon enough. Probably in the same semester. “I won’t. Promise.” 

“Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in our state’s history the competition’s fate lied in the last question.” The crowd applauded for the accomplishment as the judges beamed in smiles towards Evergreen University. “.As your judges, we believe this calls for a special problem. We’ve rewritten the last question to make it a more challenging problem.”

“With one point in the lead, if Wanda answers the question correctly, her team will solidify the win. If Y/n answers the question correctly, this competition will proceed to overtime.” 

Y/n and Wanda stood at their podiums, anticipation both killing them. “Here is your question.” 

As the screen showed off the problem, Y/n could feel herself standing tall as she looked over the problem. It was a multistep calculus problem that involved finding the inverse of a 3x3 matrix. Essentially, a problem that would require two pages of work just to find a solution. And by the looks of it, Wanda was already finished with the first quarter of the work. 

Calming her breathing down, Y/n cleared the noise from her head.  She looked back at the problem, digesting all of what it told. ‘This is just another problem, Y/n.’ Thinking lightly back to the days where math was just a fun activity to do, Y/n finally smiled, remembering the feeling where math naturally came to her. 

Letting the feeling sink in, Y/n started to solve it. The crowd waited with whispers and talks of who was going to win. Many people in the crowd believed Wanda would secure another victory as she did in the past. Very few people cheered for Y/n, simply wanting to believe in the underdog. 

A few minutes later, Y/n approached the final bits of her answer, immediately eyeing the answer choice on the screen. Her heart skipped a beat realizing that she could do this - that she could win. 

Before she could reach out for the answer, Wanda had buzzed in first with her choice. Suddenly, everything inside Y/n shut down as she saw Wanda smile once again. It was that infamous smile that she grew so used to. 

‘This can’t be it. This can’t be the end.’ Feeling herself lock up again, Y/n didn’t dare to look at the screen, hoping to save some of her dignity that was barely left. 

Believing the world to be crashing in front of her, she failed to realize that Wanda had made a mistake. The screen glowed in bright red as her answer choice was incorrect. “Y/n, looks like the question is left to you. You haven’t locked in your answer, so what will it be?” 

Y/n looked up, unable to digest that Wanda actually messed up. The Wanda Maximoff made a mistake. Fighting back the smile on her face, Y/n reached out for the correct answer choice, her finger tips grazing answer choice B. 

The smug look on her face was hard to miss. Everyone on her team knew they would come home with the victory. Wanda’s team sighed in defeat knowing that Y/n would answer correctly. 

So why did everything change when Y/n glanced at Wanda? Why did her heart hurt at the sight of Wanda spilling angry and frustrated tears? Why did her breathing stop? And why did all thoughts consume her? 

Wanda never cried or at least in front of Y/n or anybody. She was always the strong and confident girl that knew every answer for every question. She walked like she was untouchable. So how did she mess up? 

‘Please stop crying,’ she thought. Her heart constricted knowing she was the reason Wanda was crying. Yet every ounce of her brain yelled for her to press the damn answer, to finally prove to Wanda that she could be defeated, to finally get the win that she had been craving for since freshman year. 

So why couldn’t she just fucking press it? Looking back at the crowd and at the answer written down on her paper, her free hand crumpled the sheet as her heart overtook what her mind pleaded. 

Feeling like time stopped, Y/n held her breath when those green eyes locked with her. ‘I want to win…I want to stay…but at the cost of this…this isn’t a win.’ 

Beyond logic and reason, Y/n pressed her answer. Confetti blew in the air as the judge announced, “And the winner is team # 1 with Wanda Maximoff as their team captain. Congratulations to Evergreen University!” 

Regardless of what Wanda had ever done, said, or thought, Y/n knew that today was all because the school wanted to so badly pin Wanda against her. But Y/n finally knew better. This will not be the day she wins. This will be the day she was finally okay to be second to Wanda. 

Many cheers and laughter filled the bus as the group celebrated the Evergreen University win. Wanda had been smiling so hard since the award ceremony that her cheeks started to hurt.

As she looked over the trophy, her eyes couldn’t stop looking at the sleeping figure near the back of the bus. ‘I almost lost it,’ Wanda thought. It was unlike her to make a mistake and if she was being honest, she didn’t know what to blame. 

As much as she wanted to overlook her work, she wanted to leave that mistake in the past and enjoy the win. But as she kept looking back to Y/n, who hadn’t said a word to her since the final match, Wanda couldn’t help but feel like something was wrong. 

Regardless, the drive back to Evergreen was filled with joy as Y/n finally slept after a long exhausting day. 

Finals Week - Spring Semester - Junior Year

Wanda loved winning…but lately, it had a sour taste in her mouth. Finals week came in full swing, giving zero time for Wanda to dissect this weird feeling in her chest. She had helped some of her friends and classmates with studying, making her even more busy than usual. 

By the time she was done with tests, the sour feeling still sat in her chest. With only two days left, Wanda couldn’t help but lose some sleep over this feeling. Why was winning suddenly so bad? When did it become something she felt guilty for? 

Subconsciously, her mind gravitated towards Y/n. In her dreams, the moment before Y/n answered the final question replayed constantly. It was as if her mind took a vivid recording of the whole interaction. And as she replayed the moment she locked eyes with Y/n, Wanda couldn’t help but feel like the trophy wasn’t meant for her. 

Of course she downplayed the scenario, believing that this was another mistake that Y/n had made for that day. And the words of Dean Holloway, this was something Y/n never took seriously. So why did she vividly remember how Y/n’s eyes looked the moment she had chosen her answer? Why did Y/n look so accepting of defeat? Why was there no anger or thrive behind them? 

And the more she thought, the more she realized how little she saw of Y/n during the whole week. Friday, the last day of the semester, came around. During the test, her mind suddenly diverted to her. So when Wanda looked up and found Y/n in the crowd, she couldn’t help but want to talk to her, to see what exactly happened in that moment. 

Was it something she made up in her head? Was she feeling weird for actually making a mistake in front of people? Was this blown out of proportion? 

Regardless, Wanda didn’t dare describe this feeling as part of missing Y/n. Cause if she had, maybe she would have realized sooner that winning felt wrong this time. Because maybe, just maybe, it had pushed away the person that actually understood her better than anyone else. 

Last Night - Spring Semester - Junior Year

Y/n Y/l/n,

We regret to inform you that your scholarship has been revoked for the following 2019 fall semester. This decision was not made lightly as the board is aware of the accomplishments you’ve brought to Evergreen University. Nevertheless, the requirement to place #1 in the most recent STEM competition was something we could not ignore. 

We do hope you decide to enroll for your senior year. For further information on financial aid or loan applications, please visit the Bursar’s office. 

Dean of the College of Arts & Sciences

Cedric Holloway 

Evergreen University

The letter sat on the Y/n’s near empty desk as she continued to pack in preparation for tomorrow. It was the last night on campus for every student. While many chose to celebrate it with a party, Y/n chose to spend it alone. 

The silence of her room provided some comfort as she cleared her bookshelf. “Why must I have so many books?” 

While Y/n never imagined this would be where her college career with Evergreen ended, she certainly never regretted her choice. Then again, she hadn’t been home in forever, so that may change soon once she goes back. 

Looking back at Natasha’s fully furnished side, Y/n could feel some guilt rising to her chest as she hadn’t broken the news yet to her best friend. Not wanting to burden the red head with a sad night, Y/n remained silent, hoping tomorrow would be best to break the news. 

As for Y/n’s group, none of them were particularly angry about her mistake. Everyone tried their best to cheer their captain up, providing some comforting smiles and words. None of it truly mattered though. This was Y/n’s choice to make and she fully knew the consequences of it. 

So for the first time in a while, Y/n was actually alone and not studying. That was until she came. Wanda stood in the hallway, thinking of how she would talk to Y/n, to hopefully apologize. She carried the trophy that was mailed in from the conference, one that actually had her name engraved on it. 

But the trophy felt heavy and awkward in her hands, but it was the closest thing Wanda could think of as a conversation starter. Pushing her anxieties away, Wanda walked to Y/n’s dorm, surprised that the door was actually opened. 

The first thing she noticed was the pile of boxes that almost blocked the doorway. Looking past it, Wanda couldn’t help but notice how bare Y/n’s side looked. 

“What are you doing?” Y/n jumped from the corner of her room, hand on her chest.

 “Jesus Christ, Maximoff, can you give a girl a warning?” 

Wanda placed the trophy in the hallway, and walked around Y/n’s room, not caring for an invitation inside. Thinking back to the dorm setup, Evergreen University typically had students stay in the same dorm assigned to them from freshman year all the way to junior year. During senior year, students would be upgraded to bigger dorms. 

“I thought you couldn’t transfer dorms till senior year was closer?” Wanda turned around to face Y/n, the empty side didn’t make sense as juniors typically left their items alone throughout the summer. 

Y/n’s eyes glanced at the letter on her desk. “I’m moving to a new scenery.” She picked up the box with her knick knacks and placed it on top of the letter, hoping Wanda didn’t notice. The brown eyed girl leaned against her desk. She tilted her head noticing the shiny object in the hallway. 

“Is that the trophy?” Wanda looked back, almost forgetting what she came here to do. She walked back to the hallway and grabbed the trophy. Their fingers brushed as Wanda handed it to Y/n. “Wow! It’s…it’s really beautiful.” 

Y/n rubbed her thumb across Wanda’s name. Wanda Maximoff 2019 Champion. “Congratulations by the way. Sorry I wasn’t able to say it back on stage.” Y/n handed the trophy back to Wanda. If the girl was paying attention, she would’ve noted the odd look Wanda gave her. 

Something was different and Wanda hated it. Winning always gave her a high but something about this interaction increased the bittersweet feeling in her chest. “What dorm hall are you relocating to?” Wanda placed the trophy on Y/n’s desk. “I could help you out if you need it.” 

Already ready to help out, Wanda lifted the box of knick knacks, her fingers brushing over the letter. “Wanda-,” Y/n startled herself, not expecting to nearly yell at Wanda, “I- I -” 

No words left Y/n’s mouth as those green eyes stared back at her. Suddenly, all those times where they yelled in each other's face came to mind. How close were they to ever…? 

Y/n sighed, there was no use hiding from the truth now. “I’m actually going back home.” Wanda placed the box back down, still not understanding why Y/n’s things were packed. “I’m-” 

Y/n scratched the back of her neck, avoiding Wanda’s stare. “I’m transferring to Langford University.” An eerie silence settled in Y/n’s room. So when Y/n got the courage to look back at Wanda, she hadn’t expected the teary eyes and offended look on Wanda’s face.

“You’re transferring? Why?” Moving off the desk, Y/n sat on her bed as Wanda leaned back on to the desk. “It’s - complicated. I really don’t want to go into it.” 

Wanda’s hand balled up into a fist. The lack of details pissed her off. “You’re seriously not coming back?” Wanda hated how bitter everything tasted. The sight of her trophy pissed her off even more. 

Y/n opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. She didn’t know what to say. She was leaving what she called home for the past three years. Not only that, she was leaving the girl that has been there since her first day. What could she even say?

Before she could admit anything, Y/n’s phone rang, breaking the tense atmosphere. “Sorry, let me take this real quick.” Y/n walked out to the hallway to answer her phone. 

Wanda sighed with her head hung low. What was she going to do now? Being #1 was something her parents always pressured her to do. But ever since she met Y/n, #1 was something that motivated her to get out of bed and start the day extra early. Meeting Y/n meant countless hours studying just to make sure she knew the lessons by heart. Meeting Y/n meant her life revolved around beating the girl in every single thing. And as harsh as it sounded, it was the only way Wanda knew to get closer. 

She turned around and glanced at the open box. There was a various amount of figurines, crystals, and journals thrown in. Wanda picked up a green crystal, one that almost matched her eyes. She remembered the day back in freshman year where Y/n had admitted she recently got into collecting crystals. Wanda thought at first it was a waste of money until she stopped by a local shop. 

The red head could see why it was intriguing to buy them especially when you believe the auras and specialities that a certain rock can bring to your life. So in secret, Wanda bought a sphere of rose quartz and placed it in her room. She didn’t notice anything different in her life but then again, all her thoughts already surrounded Y/n. 

Wanda looked back at the hallway and could hear Y/n still talking on the phone. It felt wrong to steal, especially since that was a no no in the crystal community. But the idea of Y/n leaving her without a single thing to keep for herself felt cruel. So when she slipped on the necklace, as if it already belonged to her, she could feel her heart skip a beat at the thought of Y/n giving it to her. 

Wanda tucked the crystal under her shirt when her fingers brushed the letter once more. The school logo printed on the top right called her name. It felt wrong to intrude, but the more she reminded herself of the situation, the less she cared about her morals. 

Gently sliding the letter from under the box, Wanda quickly read it. Eyebrows furrowed, Wanda read “We regret to inform you…”

Y/n shuffled back into the room causing Wanda to straighten up. “Sorry about that. I need to get Natasha. She’s stuck at some frat party without a ride back home.” The brunette crumpled the piece of paper and tucked it into her pocket.  Y/n was too distracted to notice. “Again, I’m really sorry but congratulations on the win Wanda.” Y/n looked at Wanda with the most sincere eyes. “Incase no one has told you, I’m really proud of you.” 

With one last look, Y/n left her dorm, hoping the Wanda would be decent enough to lock it up for her. And all Wanda could focus on was the sound of her name leaving Y/n’s lips. ‘You never call me Wanda.’

‘Like hell I’m going to let this happen.’ Wanda stormed into her father’s office, knowing he would be working another late night. The clear warm glow from his room indicated that he was there. 

Storming through the doors caused him to look up from his computer, clearly unexpecting guests at that moment. 

“Give her scholarship back.” Wanda slammed the letter onto his desk, crossing her arms hoping to show that she wasn’t messing around. The brunette couldn’t think straight about anything after she fully read the letter, and by now, she didn’t know whether to strangle Y/n for not telling her or for her father to even approve such decisions. 

“This decision was not made lightly.” Wanda could read past her father’s sentence and she was not going to take no for an answer. 

“Then clearly you’ve made the wrong decision.” Eric sighed knowing just how stubborn his daughter was. It was unfortunately a trait she got from him. Knowing fully well just how smart Wanda was, explaining this decision was going to be a disaster and a headache away. 

Looking past the letter and into his daughter’s eyes, he’s never seen her be this angry. Sure they’ve had arguments, but they’ve subsided ever since she started to attend college. Eric was hoping it was because Wanda was getting older and more mature. 

But as she stood there, eyebrows furrowed with a frown on her face, it felt like she was 16 all over again. Not wanting to beat around the bush, Eric figured to cut to the chase. 

“She’s a threat.” He didn’t like to admit it, but there was hardly anyone on campus that could match his daughter’s intelligence. This was something Eric wanted to keep. But the more he noticed Y/n move up on the Dean’s list, the more he feared Wanda’s spot would be threated. While he was confident in his daughter’s ability, he simply wanted to keep her spot safe. And that meant dealing with Y/n.

“She’s my equal.” All the guilt from the competition finally made sense. And as more things continued to click, the more Wanda stood in horror at the things she said to Y/n. This was all starting to become a nightmare, one that Wanda prayed to go away. But the look on her father’s face pissed her off even more. “If you don’t, I’m transferring. And there’s nothing you can do that will stop me.” 

Giving him no time to respond, Wanda walked out of the office. There was no time to think about her ultimatum, not when all she could think about was Y/n. 

‘Say something to her, Wanda, for fucks sake.’ It was finally the last day of the semester. Every student was mandated to leave by a certain time. While there was a large crowd of kids with their backpacks and suitcases, all Wanda could focus on was the goodbye happening between Natasha and Y/n.

The brunette had stayed up all night figuring out ways to get Y/n’s scholarship back. At one point, she even considered paying for Y/n’s tuition herself if it meant getting her to come back. But her father would immediately block her allowance if he caught wind of this. 

So far, she hadn’t gotten a response back from him. ‘Maybe he needs more time.’ But time was running out as Natasha helped Y/n with the last box. Percy was already in the driver seat, ready for the long drive back home. 

She could overhear their goodbyes and that Natasha would visit soon to hear the full story. But still, Wanda stood paralyzed, unable to move. ‘What if she doesn’t want to see me? What if I was too mean to her?’ 

And as Y/n got into the car, waving her goodbyes, Wanda stood behind the tree, clutching on to the only thing she had of Y/n. Tears quietly fell down her cheeks, a lingering question on her mind. ‘Did I push you away when you needed me the most?’ 

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[webslingingslasher]

What if trouble was having like a crisis at a party or something, maybe like a panic attack and she either hides in a bathroom or runs to someone like Ethan or one of her friends and Peter finds her and is like ??? You didn't feel like you could come to me? And this is during the situationship so she feels like it's nothing more than sex or he's made it clear that's all he wants yk <3

you've been giving peter the cold shoulder all night.

you swore things were fine, but once you had a couple drinks in you, the annoyance of last week's argument hung over your head. peter knows it too. he's tried to be extra nice tonight, but you made sure to stay clear of him until you needed a refill.

'you wanna come hang with me and ethan for a sec?'

'nope, thanks for the drink. talk to you when i need a new one.'

the night took a drastic turn when you slipped away for the bathroom, finding yourself bouncing between bodies and flashing lights, vape clouds and screams, you break free and heave for air.

you tried to find solace in the bathroom, but you never noticed how small it felt. focusing on deep breaths until someone pounds on the door, 'hurry up! i need to pee!' it's a whined out by a person significantly more drunk than you.

there was no comfort or quiet where you went, your only option was backing up into a corner and holding a hand over your chest, doing your best to keep your heart from beating out.

you weren't sure how long had passed, but you felt like you had lead feet. everything was too much and you were shutting down, even if you wanted to move and make a break for peter's room, or the basement, you were stuck.

ethan finds you in a dark corner in the back of the house, he's unsure what you're doing at first, approaching like normal, his hand rubs your shoulder.

'doin alright, trouble?' when you gasp for air he tries to find your face, 'hey, you okay?'

you shake your head, 'i think i'm having a panic attack but i... i don't know why.' you lean into ethan’s touch as you slowly sink to the floor.

'shit, i... hey, want me to go get parker?' he's already moving, you pull at his hand. 'no. no, get ally or, or prince.' you tuck your face in your knees, doing your best to breathe deeply, while ethan looks for a friend.

skating  between bodies, he finds ally. she's with paul, who's with parker. doesn't matter, you're about to explode and you need her.

'ally, you gotta- ally we need to go. right now.' the urgency has her stepping forward, 'why? where are we going?' ethan breathes out your name, 'she's freaking out, i dunno. she said to get you.'

peter steps up, 'woah, what's going on?'

ethan has no time for it, he tugs on ally's arm, 'we gotta go.' ally sends peter a soft shrug before she's doing her best to keep up with ethan.

peter get's an achy feeling before following both of them, ally's already on her knees in front of you patting your hair. ethan's chewing on his nails when he notices peter, 'panic attack.'

it's all he needs to hear, peter crouches to your level. 'hey, trouble. want me to get you somewhere quieter?' your hand reaches for his on the floor, patting around until he holds it out for you. 'is that a yes?'

your breath is racing, your heart pounding, the noise is piercing and you can't move. you refuse to cry at a party in front of everyone, it’s why you're keeping your eyes squeezed shut.

you hate that he's here, that he's watching it go down, but you're so very thankful he's able to carry you to safety.

'i'm gonna pick you up, okay? i'm going to take you up these back stairs and into my room, is that okay?' you hold ally's wrist in your other hand. 'ally can come, she can stay the whole night in there with you, if you want.'

the tiniest of nods sent peter to move quicker than he ever has. he tapped your knees so you could stretch them down, an arm wrapped under your thighs and one behind your back, he secured you into his hold as he lifted you.

your hands clenched his shirt, it was less about it being peter and more to do with grounding yourself. tucking your head into his chest when he took the stairs two at a time.

'i'm rounding the corner, trouble. ally, wanna get the door for me?'

when his bedroom door shuts behind you it's dark, the music muffles. your heart rate lowers, it's like you can breathe better, no longer fighting to keep air.

peter gently sets you on his bed before crossing over to his windows, ripping the curtains open to let the moonlight fill his room. it's bright enough you can see everything.

ally holds you to her chest, 'oh my goodness, did you see something, or hear something?'

peter shakes his head, 'she was overstimulated.' your eyebrows furrow in ally's shirt, not even you had made that connection, but he did.

'ally,' peter didn't want to sound like a prick, but, 'maybe...' he made a pushing motion with his hand. 'maybe give her some space, just for a second.' she steps away, you feel so relieved from every ounce of pressure you had downstairs, you flop backwards onto peter's bed and sigh.

seconds pass, you feel embarrassed after breaking down in front of peter, especially when he made it clear he was in no rush to be your boyfriend, if ever.

you raise your head up to look at him, 'overstimulated, huh?' peter shrugs, 'i've been there too a few times.'

ally sat on the bed next to you, 'want me to play with your hair?' when peter said it, you felt it. you wanted to be alone in a dark room, maybe not totally alone, but you wanted someone who would just sit there until you needed them.

'um,' you stop her hand gently, 'would you mind if i said i kinda want to hang out with peter instead?' ally quickly stands, 'oh no, not at all! i totally get it, sometimes no one can comfort me like matty. text me if you need me, okay?'

you nod and wait until the door clicks, you pat the bed, waiting until peter sits before you talk.

'sorry. this is probably weird for you. i just know you don't care enough to talk to me or touch me so, you know, just chill here unless i quit breathing or something.'

you can hear nothing but muffled bass and shouts downstairs, it's a comfortable silence.

'hey, trouble, can i talk to you about something?' you hum in response, you can almost hear him thinking.

'i know you put a lot of emphasis on the boyfriend thing, and i know you hate it when i avoid it. but, i'm just not there yet. and i hate that dumb 'it's not you, it's me' stuff, but it is.'

you stay silent.

'and... i know i say dumb stuff a lot, but you are so much more than just a hookup to me. so when you hit me with the you don't care, it really, really hurts my feelings. because, i care about you a lot. i mean, i'd... i'd do anything for you. and i know that doesn't seem like a lot, but for me, that means everything.'

you know he's trying, but that conversation from weeks ago still holds a sour taste on your tongue. you mumble the words with grit, 'yeah, do anything except dumb boyfriend shit.'

'stop.'

'you said it, captain. not me.'

you can feel the frustration brewing in his chest.

'you push and push and when i finally open up you throw back something i said during a fight and under pressure. would it be fair that everytime you compliment me, i follow it up with a 'oh, but do you really? because the other week you called me a fucking coward.'

silence. you don't like when he's right.

'i know you didn't get the answer you wanted, and i'm sorry, but you can't bully me into a relationship. it just doesn't work like that.'

you know it doesn't, but it makes you feel a little better. sometimes dogpiling on peter makes you feel level footed, even if it's only for a second before he's making you feel guilty.

'i just want more, peter. and i don't mean that in a 'keep pressuring you into being my boyfriend' way. i don't know how to explain it.'

peter nibbles at his bottom lip, 'can you try?'

'i just want you to talk to me, and tell me things about yourself, or your childhood. i want you to tell me about the things that made you laugh that day, or show me your interests, or hobbies or really anything that's past surface value.'

you follow up with, 'i think i just want to know i have your commitment.'

you're glad you can't see his face, he's too quiet, you think this is the part where he officially breaks it off.

'you did a good job at explaining it.' his dismissal is enough to send you screaming and running, but he adds more before you could move.

'you have my commitment, trouble. i don't want anyone else but you, and if we need to have the conversation now, i'm off limits. i have been for a while, i'm sorry if i haven't made that clear.'

tilting your chin you get a glance of him, 'off limits?'

peter crosses out his body, 'trouble only zone. i'm talking about no flirting, deleting dm requests, harsh rejection and absolutely no touching.'

'trouble only?'

peter's shoulders drop in relief when the previously unrecognized tension lifts from the room.

he nods, 'only trouble can hear about my day, and childhood, and my hobbies. and touch, trouble can touch as much as she wants, whenever she wants.'

peter has one more thing to add.

'trouble, if i'm going to be anyone's boyfriend, i'm gonna be yours.'

he knows how to keep you latched. it works like a charm. but you can't let him know that.

'hm, if i'm gonna be anyone's girlfriend, i might be yours.'

'then i might be the luckiest guy in the entire world.'

you hum, his admittance made you warm. kicking your shoes off you wriggle higher unto his bed, 'sorry, no more party for me tonight. i'll get a ride home later.'

peter's busy moving closer to you in the sheets, 'you can stay here tonight.' his bed is ultra soft, you don't know how he's able to leave it in the morning. 'tempting, but i'm not in the mood to bang tonight.'

'good, neither am i.' you snort, 'really?' peter nods in your peripheral, 'it takes two to tango, trouble.'

it's calm, then he asks softly, like he's scared of you rejecting him, 'do you wanna cuddle?' your head turns, he's just as breathtaking in the moonlight.

you're already scooting back into him, 'really? don't you have a party to attend?' peter wraps his arms around you, tugging you close and tight, he wouldn't let you slip away if he could help it.

'nah, i'd rather tell you all about my aunt may.' 

[writingforstraykids]

I owe you a kiss Pt.4

Pairing: Minchan x femReader (mention of Jisung/Felix)

Word Count: 5903

Summary: Chan arrives at the hospital to be there for his family in person. The news they receive about you aren't what they expected and Minho can't help but blame himself. Your husbands try to navigate their life as you recover.

Warnings/Tags: angst, fluff, emotional hurt/comfort, mention of blood, mention of a panic attack, coma, mention of sleeping pills, mention of throwing up (no further descriptions) min feels guilty, anxious!min, soft!chan

A/N: I sure hope you don't hate me as much as last week...🥺🖤

PART THREE | PART FIVE

Chan's heart drops to his stomach as he sees him. Tears stream down his face, and he looks terrified. Truly terrified. There's blood on his shirt, there's blood on the hand he uses to try and wipe away his tears. “Minho, fuck, where are you?”

“Hospital” is all he gets out. 

“Why, what…Minho, where's Y/N?” he asks, his stomach tightening in fear at the pained sound that leaves Minho when your name is mentioned. “Min?”

Minho's breathing picks up, and he clutches the fabric of his pants tightly, trying to steady himself. “Someone crashed into our car, I-I swear it wasn't my fault. T-The airbag didn't open a-and-,” he breaks off with a sob. “Channie, there was so much blood,” he whimpers. 

“Where's Y/nnie?” he asks, barely audible, blank fear taking over him. 

“She's in surgery right now. Channie, they don't know if-” he can't say it, but meeting Chan's terrified eyes, he knows he gets it. “I'm so sorry,” he buries his face in his knees with a heavy sob. 

Tears fill his eyes and he hates himself for not being there and able to hold him tight and not let go. “Minnie, baby, I'm sure it's not your fault,” he says gently and gets up, grabbing his suitcase. “Hannah!” he shouts through the house, not caring that his parents already went to bed. He needs to get back home as soon as possible. 

Hannah is there in a few seconds, a little shocked by her brother's distraught look. “What's wrong?” she asks worriedly. 

“I need to get home right now,” he tells her, and she nods gently. “Min, I'll figure this out, I promise. I'll be there as quickly as I can, okay?” Hannah's worries deepen at the timid answer Minho gives. “I know you have other things to worry about, but please let them check up on you, okay? I wouldn't want you to be hurt and notice too late.”

“Okay, Channie,” he sniffles. “What if she…?”

“Don't think that way,” Chan tells him softly. “Y/nnie’s a fighter, she'll push through. I'll let you know when I'm at the airport.”

Hannah already started packing her brother's suitcase, glancing at him worriedly as he exchanged goodbyes. “You look like shit, what happened?”

“They got into an accident,” he says and already dials another number. “They don't know if Y/N..,” he breaks off, and Hannah pulls him into a tight hug. 

“She'll be okay; she always is,” she promises. “Now go call your fancy staff and get your VIP privileges; I'll pack.”

“Thank you,” he nods. 

-

Minho looks up from his chair as the door to the room opens, and Felix slips inside. “What are you -?”

“Chan called and told me you could use someone,” Felix explains. He takes off his jacket and sits down next to him. He offers his hand, and Minho takes it, squeezing it gently. “Any news?”

“No,” he whispers timidly. “Still nothing,” he says. It's an hour ago that he called Chan. Someone checked up on him after cleaning the blood from his face and hands. “I didn't get hurt,” he says, and his face grows pale. “She was unconscious before I could do a thing, hit her head pretty hard. Felix there was so much blood,” he says mindlessly, as if he's giving him the facts on a new comeback. 

Felix hums gently and rubs his shoulder. “I stopped by your place and got you some clothes. Maybe go and change, hm?” he suggests, spotting the blood on his shirt. 

Minho stands up in a routine move, grabs his clothes, and locks himself in the bathroom. He meets his reflection in the mirror and closes his eyes, shivering softly. Fuck.

Felix glances up as he comes back and nods towards the small sofa in the corner of the room. He sits down there and pulls Minho into a hug. “I'm so sorry, Min.”

“It's not your fault,” Minho says tiredly and relaxes a little in his warm embrace. It's the first time something as shocking as this has happened, and none of his partners are there to hold his hand. 

“I know,” Felix nods gently. “But still. You've already had a rough few months with Chan feeling like shit and then leaving.”

“Life is shit sometimes,” Minho shrugs, and his eyes flutter close when Felix starts running his hand through his hair. “Thanks for coming.”

“Of course.”

-

The flight back home has never felt as long as today. Never. About two hours ago he had gotten a message from Minho, short and simple, but it was enough. 

Kitten🖤: She'll make it. 

Chan quickly makes his way out of the airport and stops at home for ten minutes. Felix had told him to get home first, take a quick shower, and change clothes. None of them knew how long they'd be stuck at the hospital. Chan got into his car after and drove to the hospital, rushing up to your floor as soon as he knew where. Opening the door, he sees Felix sitting on the sofa in the back and gives him a quick wave. 

Minho is by your bed, head resting on his arm on the mattress and seems asleep. Dried tear streaks cover his face and Chan's throat tightens at how exhausted he looks even in his sleep. And then there's you, looking as pale as the sheets, your head wrapped up safely. Your hand lies in Minho's, and only your chest moving tells him you're alive. Chan finds himself in Felix's arms before he fully registers the scene and hugs back tightly. 

“Hey, mate,” Felix whispers, not wanting to wake Minho up. “I'll leave you to it, yeah? So that you know Minho does blame himself for what happened. We don't know when she'll wake up, but the doctor said she will.” 

Chan nods gently before flashing him a tired smile. “Thank you for being here.”

“Obviously,” Felix snorts and gently pats his chest. “Welcome home, I guess.”

A little later, they're alone, and Chan timidly steps closer to Minho, sitting down on the chair next to him. His hand finds his lower back almost naturally and he very gently picks him up into his lap. A soft protesting sound leaves Minho's lips but he's too tired actually to question the action. Minho curls up in his arms, the way he always does, as if deep down he knows it's Chan. Chan makes sure he's comfortable and plants a tiny kiss on his hair, soothingly fondling his head. Only then did it hit him how much he had missed you two. 

Minho wakes up later, feeling warm and comfortable. He subconsciously cuddles close before his brain slowly picks up on Chan's so familiar scent and the way his body feels against him, and he sits up straight rapidly. “Channie,” he breathes out, his eyes getting teary. 

“Hi, kitten,” he says softly and presses their foreheads together. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” he confesses quietly. “I'm sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” he asks gently. “Lee Minho, if you blame yourself for what happened now, I will smack your ass. Not in a good way.”

A weak laugh escapes him, and he gently shoves his chest. “Of course I do. I'd rather get hurt than her.”

“She'd say the same if it were you,” he says and gently rubs his shoulder. “Nevertheless, it's not your fault.”

“Channie?” he whispers timidly. “I really don't believe that and…,” he trails off with a sniffle.

“I'm here now, let it out,” he says softly, and Minho's head drops down in his chest with a broken sound. Chan holds him tight, trying to make him feel as safe and comforted as possible. Minho shuffles into his lap, straddling him and pulling him into a tight hug. They hold onto each other firmly and find comfort in their shared pain for a bit. “I'm so sorry I wasn't there.”

“Don't,” Minho stops him, burying his hand in his hair. “You're here now.”

“I didn't mean what I said in that call,” Chan tells him nevertheless. “I was planning to surprise you for your birthday in two weeks after.”

Minho sniffles softly and squeezes him. “Yeah? So you've been getting better?”

“I have,” Chan nods and kisses his cheek. “It's still not completely, but it's so much better.”

“That's good,” he tells him. “I'm proud of you, Channie.”

“I love you,” Chan says gently. “So so much.”

Minho smiles a little at that and takes a deep breath. He is better. “I love you too, Channie.”

-

Minho firmly holds Chan's hand as they lean against the wall opposite your room. About twenty minutes ago, the doctor sent them away as you started to tremble. Since then, no one has talked to them. Another doctor shuffled into the room, and Minho could tell Chan was getting anxious from there on. 

Chan grows awfully quiet next to him, staring at the floor and seeming like he's far away. Minho is shaking a little, tapping his fingers against his thigh anxiously. Chan soothingly rubs his knuckles and squeezes his hand for the tenth time. “They said she'd be okay, right?” he asks. 

Minho glances at him awkwardly. “They said she'd make it…whatever that means for the rest.”

Chan huffs softly and nods, Minho is right. “Am I the only one feeling like throwing up?”

“God no,” Minho laughs weakly. “Have been since the accident.”

Chan glances at him worriedly. “You should've told me.”

He shrugs tiredly and cracks his neck with a soft moan. “I always am when I'm worried. There's nothing you could've done.”

Chan nods and traces his eyes up and down his body. “But you're not dizzy? Are you having a headache? Or anything?”

Minho steps in front of him and takes both of his hands. “I'm okay, physically. They checked everything, I promise,” he tells him softly and Chan pulls him into a hug. He lets him, only then noticing that Chan is shaking himself by now. “Deep breaths, we'll be alright.”

“Okay,” Chan whispers. 

“We'll be okay,” Minho repeats himself as if to convince them both. 

“Okay,” Chan nods, and Minho pulls back from him as the door opens. Their hands don't part as the doctor leads them to an office nearby and asks them to sit down. Chan looks like he's about to throw up now and Minho is dancing at the edge of a lingering panic attack. 

“Mr. Lee, you've asked me to wait for a proper update on your wife's state until your husband arrives,” she starts out, and Chan gently grabs Minho's hand, squeezing it. “I have an update on the condition of your wife and I'm afraid it isn't what you'd like to hear. The impact injured her frontal bone, which punctured her brain. We could fix this with the surgery,” the doctor tells them. 

Both of them are smart enough not to be too relieved already. “And besides that?” Minho asks timidly, not having missed that warning before. 

She gives him a compassionate smile. “Well, for one there'll probably be the usual aftermaths like nightmares or even fear of sitting in a car again. That isn't everything, though.”

“Stop sweet talking and tell us what we're dealing with, please,” Chan says kindly, heart thumping in his throat. 

“Your wife seems to have suffered more trauma than we thought, especially after the surgery. She's in a coma, and we don't know when or if she'll wake-.”

“If?” Minho asks, barely audible, his hand slipping from Chan’s. “But…you said she’d make it.”

She flashes him a compassionate smile. “That’s before her body shut down, she seemed stable before. I’m really sorry.”

“For fucks sake,” he breathes out and slowly pushes himself up from his chair. “You’re saying there’s a chance she’ll never wake up again? What then? You expect me to tell you when to turn it all off?”

“Minho,” Chan speaks up gently and turns in his chair to face him. There’s nothing but blank fear in his eyes, and he looks at the doctor in front of them so desperately it breaks his heart. “It’s not her fault.”

“No shit, Chan!” Minho snaps at him, and Chan’s gaze grows firm.

“Don’t do this. Not here,” he says calmly, and Minho scoffs at him. 

“My image as an idol is the last thing I care about right now, Mr. Golden Boy,” he presses out and shakes his head, leaving the room without another word.

Chan sighs heavily and turns back at the doctor, smiling apologetically. “I apologize, he didn’t mean it.”

“I'll be quick,” she assures him kindly. We don't know how soon she'll wake up again. In case she does, someone has to take care of her. I know you're both very busy. Is there anyone else, just in case?”

“Besides a friend of hers not really, no,” Chan says worriedly. “Her family doesn't live exactly close.”

“If she can go back home soon…Mr. Bahng, there's a high chance this will take months, maybe a year, until she fully regains her abilities. We don't know how bad it'll affect her yet, there's a potential for memory loss. I will inform you about eventual treatments and everything when it's time. I'm really sorry and I wish you and your husband the best of luck and strength with this new situation.”

Chan exchanges another few words before quickly rushing outside and trying the closest bathroom as the hallway is empty. Luckily, Minho seemed to have forgotten to lock the door. Minho's on his knees, retching even though there's nothing left. Chan crouches down behind him, gently rubbing his shoulders. “Hey, baby, deep breaths.”

Minho whimpers and falls back against him, sobbing. “Please, please tell me this isn't true. Not our sweet Y/nnie.”

Chan swallows down tears, trying to stay strong for both of them. Minho has been carrying everyone's shit on his shoulders for too long now. It's time he steps up again. “It'll be okay, we'll be okay,” he promises and rocks him gently as Minho allows himself to break down in his arms. “Shh, it's okay, Minnie baby, it's okay, I got you.”

-

Chan stares at you, deep in thoughts, trying to make sense of the past few hours. The thought of you possibly never waking up again is killing him. He feels guilty for not being there those past months. What if he missed all this time with you? Just because he hadn't been feeling so well? His chest tightens, and he sucks in a sharp breath, subconsciously reaching for Minho next to him. Every word dies in his throat, seeing his husband. Minho stares at the floor, hot tears running down his cheeks and pressing his lips together tightly in an attempt to hold back his sobs. His hair falls into his face, stomach twisting with guilt the longer he thinks about what happened. Chan swallows hard at the sight of his husband, trying not to break down. His shoulders tremble with the impact of his suppressed sobs, and he sniffles softly. Chan gently rubs his back and watches him worriedly as he pushes himself up. He quickly reaches out for him and stares up at him with wide eyes. “Please don't leave,” he whispers, swallowing down his own fear but not fully succeeding. “Please,” he adds, tears brimming his eyes. 

Minho looks at him and shakes his head. “I can't breathe in here,” he confesses through tears and shakily holds Chan's hand. “I just wanna go home, please, I’ve been here for hours,” he whimpers. 

Chan looks at him quietly before nodding. “Yeah, okay,” he agrees. They're both exhausted and need some sleep. You wouldn't wake up that soon, and they both could use a break. “Okay, I'll drive us home; my car’s outside.”

“For telling you to get yourself together…more or less,” he says and stops at a redlight. “That wasn’t very supportive of me.”

Minho exhales, relieved, and shakily holds onto his hand as Chan gently says his goodbye to you. They leave the hospital in silence, and Chan drives them back home, soothingly rubbing Minho's knee. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Minho asks tiredly, staring at the many buildings passing by. 

Minho laughs weakly and rolls his eyes at himself. “It’s okay, you were right. There’s nothing she can do about it right now…Also, I’m sorry for calling you a golden boy.”

“Please, as if I’d take that to heart after those past few months,” he snorts, and Minho smiles at him tiredly. 

“I missed you,” he admits and grabs his hand, squeezing it. “It’s good to have you back.”

Chan smiles softly and brings their hands up to his mouth, planting a kiss on his knuckles. “I’m here now, yeah?”

Minho hums quietly in response, and Chan starts driving again.

Back home, Minho stands still for a moment, and Chan watches him worriedly as he starts shaking. Minho sucks in a sharp breath and clutches his chest, bending over with a whimper. “Hey, hey, babe,” he panics a little as Minho sinks to his knees with a groan, curling up and sobbing loudly. “What’s wrong?” he asks, worried that Minho got hurt and just didn’t tell him.

“I'm so sorry,” he whimpers as Chan gets down on the floor next to him. “It's all my fault.”

Chan shakes his head and holds onto him tightly, leaning down. “No, don't say that,” he tells him and helplessly rubs his back. “It's not your fault, baby.” His heart races with how intensely Minho sobs beneath him, and his stomach turns painfully. He has never seen him break down like this in all those many years he has known and then loved him. “Come here, please,” he whispers, tears making their way down his face. Now that they're back home, he can let them flow freely and allow himself to let it out. He heaves him into his lap, and Minho clings onto him firmly, allowing himself a little comfort in his husband's arms. Chan rocks him in his arms, trying to calm his own troubled mind. 

“I’m sorry, Channie,” he whimpers and Chan hugs him even tighter in response.

One week later

“Min, baby?” Chan asks, coming back upstairs. “You're ready yet, we gotta-Minho?” he asks worriedly as he spots his husband lying in bed fully dressed. He bites back a sigh and sits down at the edge of the bed. “Min? What's wrong?”

“I don't want to,” he says quietly, seemingly staring right through him. 

“What do you mean? We made a promise to stop by every day,” he tries gently. 

“I can't go there, okay? Not today,” he shakes his head and subconsciously curls up a little. “I hate hospitals, I hate that she's there, I hate that she's hurt, and there's nothing I can do about it.”

“We should try to be there for her as much as we can, baby,” Chan argues carefully and brushes his hair from his face. 

“It’s not like she notices if I’m not there or not,” Minho says.

“The doctor said there’s a chance she can hear us, kitten, remember?” he asks patiently. 

“I don’t talk anyway,” he argues weakly.

“Min,” he sighs softly.

“I can't go there, Channie. Please don't make me go there,” he shivers, his eyes brimming with tears. “Please,” he whispers shakily. 

Chan crawls into bed and pulls him in close, soothingly running his hand through his hair. “Shh, baby, it's okay.”

“I'm sorry, Channie,” Minho hiccups and buries himself deep into his chest. “I fucked it all up, I'm so sorry.”

“No, Minho, none of that,” he says firmly and shakes his head. “This isn't your fault, none of it.” 

“You weren't even there, you don't know that,” he whimpers. 

Chan pulls back and cups his face, making him look at him. “I might haven't been there, but I'm here now. I know my husband would do anything to keep that girl of ours safe. I know you would've swapped places in an instant, and I know you'd never put her at risk like that.” His thumbs rub along his cheeks soothingly, and he searches his eyes desperately. “Minho, this isn't your fault, and I’m sure she knows that. She loves you so much, and so do I. Don't blame yourself for something you had no control over.”

“Please don't make me go there again,” he sniffles timidly, eyes wide and filled with guilt. 

“I'll go on my own, it's okay, Min,” he assures him and kisses his forehead. “Try and get some rest okay?” 

“I keep dreaming about it,” he shakes his head and rubs his face tiredly. “I keep hearing her scream, and then her head hits…Channie, I'm fucked.”

Chan hums gently and rubs soothing circles on his lower back. “If it doesn't get better, we'll get you some help, yeah?” he suggests, and Minho nods tiredly. “For now, I'll give you one of my pills, and you'll be sleeping like a baby.”

“Okay,” he nods gently. Minho gets into some more comfortable clothes again and takes the pill, curling up in his arms. Chan plays with his hair and hums softly, lulling him in with every passing minute. “Love you, Channie hyung.”

“Love you too, Minho baby,” he says softly and kisses his head. Once Minho's actually asleep, he tucks him in and makes sure he's comfortable before he leaves to go and see you. Chan stays with you for a while, talking to himself, telling you about whatever comes to his mind. If he could, he’d stay here all day, but there’s still loads of work to catch up with, and he doesn’t dare leave Minho on his own for too long. 

At the company, Chan slowly strolls down the hallway to their practice room and hears the music blasting. He opens the door and finds Felix and Jisung practicing their newest dance. He gives them a tired wave, and Jisung quickly turns off the music.

“Didn’t we agree on you staying home for a few days?” Felix asks him and raises his eyebrows at him.

“It’s suffocating,” he shakes his head, and Jisung glances at him worriedly.

“He’s not getting better, huh?” he asks, and Chan shakes his head.

“I can’t blame him. He was the one driving; I’d blame myself, too. It’s just…today, he simply couldn’t get himself to go to the hospital with me,” Chan tells them quietly and stares at the floor. “I can’t fix this, and it’s driving me insane.”

“Hey,” Jisung says gently. “When you were feeling like shit, neither of them tried to fix you. They held your hand when you needed it and let you go as you needed some space. You can’t fix any of this, just be there for him.”

“I’m trying, Ji, I swear,” Chan huffs, frustrated, tears burning in his eyes. “I shouldn’t have left.”

“And what would have that changed?” Felix asks gently. “The only difference that could’ve been would be you driving. You think Minho would stand here any differently now then?”

“I hurt him,” Chan says and they frown at him softly. “We got into a fight, and Y/nnie took him out for dinner to cheer him up because I’ve been a complete asshole. She texted me, saying how hurt he was and…maybe he would’ve reacted more quickly and-.”

“Chan,” Felix says firmly. “We’ve seen the footage, there was no chance. The other driver was drunk and racing down that street. There’s nothing he could’ve done. If you truly don’t blame him, you can’t blame yourself either. If you’re saying you made him too caught up in his thoughts to prevent the accident, you’re not only blaming yourself here.”

Chan tiredly rubs his face before nodding. “Yeah, okay, sorry.”

“You should get back home and get some rest,” Jisung says softly and pulls him into a tight hug. “There’s no use in staying here and beating yourself up, worrying about Min when you could be with him right now.”

“Yeah, I know,” he nods and squeezes them both tightly. “I’ll just sort a few things out, then I’ll be gone, promise.”

“Alright,” they nod and wave goodbye.

-

So three hours in total later, Chan gets back home and quietly glances into their bedroom. Minho's still deep asleep, and Chan decides to join him while he works. He sits down on the bed next to him and gently runs his hand through his hair, turning on his laptop. He sighs softly, spotting the fading bruises on his arm and the healing cut right below his hairline. Of course, Minho had been hurt by the impact as well, but the shock and gravity of your situation made him downplay his own injuries. Chan only found out accidentally when they took a bath two days ago to relax a little. “Oh, kitten,” he whispers to himself and shakes his head at him. 

Minho wakes up another three hours later, rolling away from him drowsily. His brain feels fuzzy, his vision is foggy, and he needs a moment to comprehend he's awake. He rubs his face with a groan and blinks heavily, trying to stay awake. Turning onto his back, he spots Chan next to him and squints at him. “Why the fuck are they so strong?” he rasps, voice laced heavily with sleep.

“Well, because I need them to sleep,” he chuckles and gently fondles his hair. “You slept alright?”

“Mhm,” he hums sleepily and stretches his body with a low groan. “How's Y/nnie?” he asks timidly. 

“No changes yet,” Chan tells him and thoughtfully stares out of the window. “Min?”

“Hm?” 

“I think you should take a break,” Chan says, not looking at him. 

Minho shoots up and stares at him. “Why?” he asks dangerously low, suddenly fully awake. 

“You're exhausted, baby. You deserve a break,” Chan says, glancing at him. 

“And it's just that?” Minho asks sharply, and Chan frowns at him. “Not because you think I'm losing it?”

“What? No,” he quickly shakes his head. “I swear it's because you're exhausted, you worked double with me gone.”

“More like triple because you do way too much, but yeah,” he snickers before huffing softly. “Yeah, okay, you're probably right. Can you sort that shit out?”

Chan smiles knowingly. “I already did. You're on break for a month besides group interviews that get recorded or those two live performances we have coming up.” 

“Okay,” he nods, agreeing. “That won't stop me from dragging you home from the studio if you stay too long.”

“I’ll be careful,” he promises and squeezes his hand. “You’re okay?”

“I know,” he giggles softly. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

“You’re a menace, Chan,” he shakes his head. “If you don’t cut back a little, you’ll end up overwhelmed and overworked again in a month.”

Minho’s eyes flicker away from his, and he nods firmly. “Of course I am.”

“Kitten?” he asks softly. “Can you promise me something?”

“Depends,” he squints at him suspiciously. 

“I need you to be honest with me. If you’re struggling, feeling lost, or overwhelmed, let me know. No matter where I am, no matter how late it is,” Chan says, and Minho stares at him quietly for a minute. “Minho?”

“I can try,” he whispers and searches his eyes. “No, I will try. I promise. Just…don’t expect too much, you know how I am.”

“Yeah, okay,” Chan nods worriedly, and Minho gently kisses his cheek. 

“I’ll be fine, I always am,” he says.

One and a half months later

After skipping that one time, it took him a week to go back to the hospital. After that, he didn’t miss a day, sometimes coming here with Chan and sometimes, when Chan’s schedule didn’t fit, coming on his own. He couldn’t deal with not seeing you and talking to you, even though you never answered. 

Minho greets the nurse with a kind smile and nervously clutches the flowers in his hand. “Any news?”

“Not yet, Mr. Lee,” she says gently. “She’s stable, that’s what counts. It isn’t getting any worse. Don’t give up hope.”

Minho nods gently. “I won’t,” he says before excusing himself and stepping into your room. He closes the door quietly behind himself and sighs softly, seeing you. “Hey, Y/nnie,” he says gently and makes his way around the bed, replacing the old flowers with the ones he brought. “Got you some flowers…you would like those,” he says and sits down on the chair next to your bed. For a while he simply watches you, watches your chest rising and falling, your lashes resting against your cheeks. The bandages around your head are gone by now, and he hesitantly reaches out, caressing your cheek. “God, I miss you,” he sighs softly and braces himself on the mattress, taking your hand between his. “It’s so quiet at the house now when Channie’s working. Sometimes, I’m stupid enough to believe you’ll come around the corner every second and ask for cuddles. Or ask if I can make you dinner, I miss cooking with you so much,” he rambles on mindlessly. “You’d be surprised how much has changed since you’re not home. Chan is home before twelve every night, can you believe that? He’s really taking care of himself now, you’d be so proud. Also, he asked me to teach him some things around the kitchen, I think he did it so I wouldn’t get bored. I’m seeing a therapist now…never thought I’d ever need that. Apparently, there’s more stuff in my life I need to work through besides that stupid accident. She’s nice, you’d like her,” he says and trails off for a while. Your face before his eyes gets blurry as his eyes brim with tears and his throat tightens up. 

It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel like shit about what happened. It’s okay to feel guilty. As long as it doesn’t stop you from moving on with your life and eventually smiling again. He doesn’t know how often he heard those first three sentences in the past few weeks.

Minho inhales shakily and squeezes your hand in his. “I miss you so much, honey. I miss your laugh, I miss acting stupid with you, I miss holding your hand or pulling you close and swaying you through the kitchen. I miss holding you when you’re asleep, and I never thought I’d miss carrying the grocery bags for you this badly. Fuck, I miss your voice and those beautiful eyes looking at me like I deserve all the love you have for me,” he sniffles softly and presses his trembling lips together for a second. “Can you try and wake up soon, Y/nnie honey? I can’t stay strong forever,” he presses out, and his shoulders shake with a suppressed sob. He doesn’t notice the door opening and flinches a little as someone wraps his arms around his waist. Chan’s familiar scent surrounds him, and Minho instinctively leans into his touch. “I’m okay,” he whispers.

“I know,” Chan answers quietly and kisses his cheek. “Some days are just harder than others.”

“Yeah,” Minho sniffles softly and stays in his arms, your hand in his pressed against his face. “You’re early,” he speaks up after a while.

“We finished early,” he nods and mindlessly rubs his side. “Thought I’d stop by and pick you up.”

“Thanks, love,” he says gently. He doesn’t feel safe driving yet, and Chan made sure to pick him up personally whenever he could. Minho pulls back from you with a sniffle, gently resting your hand on the mattress. “No update yet, but they told me it’s a good sign that her state isn’t getting worse.”

“Okay, that’s something,” Chan nods, agreeing, and gets himself a chair, lifting Minho in his lap. “You wanna talk about today?” he asks, gently rubbing his thighs.

“Maybe tomorrow?” he asks, turning in his hold. Chan nods understandingly and squeezes his hand. 

“That’s fine,” he says, resting his head on his shoulder. “You know you don’t have to tell me about therapy, but I’m there if you want to.”

“I know,” Minho smiles thankfully and watches you thoughtfully. “I see her every day, and still, I miss her like crazy.”

“Yeah, me too,” Chan nods. “I’m so glad to have you still…I’d go insane on my own.”

“Oh, me too,” he chuckles softly. “You wanna leave? Or can we stay for another bit?”

“We can stay as long as you want to, kitten,” he promises.

One week later

Minho unlocks the front door to your house and drags himself inside. After a quick visit this morning he had been at the company, practicing for an upcoming performance. It’s been two months since you fell into a coma, and according to the doctor, you’re slowly starting to make progress. She told them there was a high chance it wouldn’t take all too long anymore for you to wake up. Minho didn’t care one bit how long it would still take. The fact that you’d wake up again had been everything he needed.

He frowns softly at how quiet the house is. Shouldn’t Chan already be home? Minho slips out of his shoes and calls out for him, getting no answer. “Channie, love?” he asks again, strolling into the living room area. His eyes widen at the sight in front of him, and he covers his mouth in shock. “What the fuck?”

The living room is dark but illuminated by the many strings of light adorning the walls. A huge bouquet of red roses rests beautifully in a vase on top of the sofa table, and the sweet scent of fresh brownies lingers in the air. Minho turns at the sound of the door opening and sees his husband stepping inside with a bottle of wine. “Channie?” he asks softly.

Chan’s eyes widen, spotting him, and his face falls checking his watch. “Hey! You’re home early,” he protests.

“Obviously,” Minho giggles and frowns at him. “What’s all that about? Did I miss something? It’s not our anniversary, right?” he asks worriedly. 

Chan puts down the bottle of wine and shakes his head. “I just realized it’s been six long months since I did something nice for you with everything going on. I wanted to surprise you and - no, why are you crying?” he asks softly.

“Sorry,” he giggles through tears. “Happy tears, I swear,” he promises and messily wipes his cheeks. 

“Fucker,” he breathes out as his own eyes fill with tears seeing him beaming with joy after all this time.

Minho giggles wetly and closes the distance between them, hugging him so forcefully it makes Chan stumble for a moment. “You’re so sweet.”

Chan smiles brightly and buries his face in his shoulder. “I love you so much, kitten.”

“I love you too,” he whispers and pulls back, beaming at him. They sink into each other’s eyes and Minho can’t help giving in to the invisible string pulling them closer. Their lips meet in a slow, sweet kiss and Minho melts into him, hand buried in his curls. 

“I worried this would be too cheesy,” Chan giggles breathlessly as he pulls back for a moment. 

“Don’t you ever dare stop being cheesy, yeah?” he whispers.

“Never,” he promises, giggling, and seals the deal with another soft kiss.

PART THREE | PART FIVE

MASTERLISTS | PROMPT LIST | GUIDELINES

Taglist: (Please let me know if you want to be added to/removed from the taglist!)

@atinyniki @kailee08 @galaxycatdrawz @silverstarburst @aaa-sia @lilmisssona @kthstrawberryshortcake @channieaddict @soullostinspaceandtime @rebecca-johnson-28 @lixie-phoria @kibs-and-bits @xxstrayland @ihrtlix @pheonixfire777 @mellhwang @ontito0icongirls @furiousheartpoetry @bluesiebirdie @scarlet789 @ziipzeepzop-eez @harshaaaaa @lost-in-avoidance

[kokomyass]

Wriothesley ☆ Comfort

Wriothesley x Fem!Reader

Genre: 🥀/☁️

Word Count: 2723

Trigger warnings ⚠️: mentions of self harm, panic attacks, reader being abused as a child, sex mention VERYYY SLIGHTLY.

synopsis: in which, our seggsy papi wriothesley saves you from the Beret Society and keeps you with him, little do you know you develop a little feeling called love~!!

a/n: SPOILERS!!!!! if you have not done the wriothesley quest I strongly advise you don't read this if you care about spoilers!!

in this reader used to be a part of beret society and Dougier seemed to hate her more than the rest so she seemed to be punished severely

Second person POV

It had been 1 year since the Beret Society no longer existed and life seemed to be looking up for you and it was all thanks to the Duke and his companions.

1 year ago:

You were part of the Beret Society, however when joining you didn't know what you would be getting yourself into.

You had been feeling awfully low and lonely in the fortress as you knew no one and didn't really attempt to try to make friends either. That was when you saw the Beret Society and thought your life would perhaps be less miserable and you would possibly be able to become accustomed to life in the fortress.

Oh how incredibly wrong you were....as soon as you joined you were treated like mere animals. The smallest trip up would lead to the worst punishments.

You once forgot to ask to go to the bathroom. For some reason Dougier seemed to really despise you, perhaps because you were younger than the rest of the members...no matter what it was, it was very evident to not only you but the rest of the members too.

He straped you to a chair and forced a needle into your head with some sort of black ooze.

All your worst memories came flooding back: the way you killed your parents who abused you and your 2 siblings horribly. You relived that moment over and over again until it drove you to insanity.

Dougier didn't only do it once, but almost everyday he would punish you for something that many wouldn't even notice.

Eventually you had been tortured so much you couldn't really function anymore. You were locked up in a jail in the hidden headquarters of the Beret Society. Day after day you would rock back and forth muttering, 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, don't hurt me, I'm sorry.' scratching your arms until they bled, wishing that you had Avice or Faissolle to comfort you. You were long gone and had to accept it.

That was until the Duke and the traveller managed to save you.

"Hey Traveller, Paimon, let's check on this girl she looks horrified..." you heard the duke's voice as you lifted your head. You began crying begging him to help you as you gripped his arm.

"Please, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please, sir, save me, save me..." you bowed down to the Duke begging he would save you. suddenly you felt an arm on your shoulder.

"I will save you do not worry at all. Let me take care of this and I promise someone will take care of you and I will come back for you" you looked up to see the Duke smiling at you warmingly, his sky blue orbs calming the critical voices in your head as you stared at him silently before passing out.

You woke up in a bed. Something you hadn't slept in for a while. You analysed your surroundings. The room only had one bed (the one you were led in) and as soon as you realised what happened you began screaming and crying scratching at your arms again.

To your surprise a strong pair of arms gripped you making you calm slightly whilst your crying and screaming slowly faded.

"It's alright, just breathe, your safe now." you were being rocked back and forth as you stared into nothingness feeling calmer than before.

Once the person let go of you, resting their hands on your shoulders you looked up to be met with the same sky blue orbs as the one in the jail making your eyes widen in slight shock.

"So you didn't leave me behind...." you mumbled which didn't go unnoticed by the Duke.

"Why would I ever leave you behind?," he chuckled slightly. "I am Wriothesley, but you may call me whatever you like. The reason your in my room instead of the infirmary is due to multiple reasons."

Wriothesley leaned back crossing his arms, "One being, when you were in the infirmary you seemed to be having endless panic attacks so I brought you here because it is less busy. Second being, it was very evident to me that Dougier seemed to punish you the most out if all the members...this was also confirmed by Avice and Faissolle..."

Wriothesley failed to mention that the main reason was because after being told the reason for your arrival at the fortress he couldn't help but have a soft spot for you. After all you were in due to a similar reason as him.

You began trembling incredibly at the mention of Dougier....and Avice and Faissolle were okay? You were glad to hear that much.

"Hey, hey it's alright now. No one will hurt you." Wriothesley placed his hand in yours, squeezing it to stop your shaking.

After you had calmed down once again he began explaining what would happen.

"Sigewinne and I will be taking care of you privately. You will be living with me and staying here until you're okay to go out and if I cannot take care of you Sigewinne will and visa versa."

You nodded looking at Wriothesley with empty eyes. You gazed around the room suddenly noticing a cute little melusine smiling warmly at you.

"I am Sigewinne! We will try our best to take care of you Y/N!!" Sigewinne's soft spoken voice made your shoulders relax incredibly.

Maybe you would be okay after all...

"Avice...Faissolle..." you mumbled. You wanted to know how they were but couldn't seem to form an actual sentence.

Yet, Wriothesley smiled and still understood what you were saying.

"Luckily they are fine, I caught them just before the punishment. They were very worried about you Y/N and asked that you got proper treatment."

You nodded once more before moving you gaze back to Wriothesley. You wanted to say something but you weren't sure if you were allowed as memories of the consequences of speaken when not spoken to clouded your mind.

"It is alright, you may speak whenever and whatever you would like." you snapped your head back to Wriothesley, eyes widened from shock, to be met once more with his warm gaze.

"I know the Society was hard on you but here, you should be free to do as you please, within reason of course...." he paused looking down and grimacing.

"I'm truly sorry for the pain that has been inflicted on you Y/N...I hope you can forgive me and-"

"Thank you Wriothesley." Wriothesley looked up at you as you squeezed his hand and spoke softly.

You smiled warmly at him...it was the first time you had smiled in ages and the first time he woukd see you smile. He looked at you shocked before his expression softened and he sqeezed your hand back smiling.

"No matter what, I will protect you."

Back to present:

"Ah! Y/N thank you so so much, i am very lucky to have you!! Very lucky indeed!!" Sigewinne clapped and giggled as you had successfully gotten her some fruits and vegetables secretly from the coupon cafeteria.

"No worries Sigewinne, I am glad I could help you." you smiled slightly as you started packing up to leave the infirmary.

After the whole incident with the Beret Society happened, you initially didn't leave Wriothesley's room and struggled to speak. After a while your social anxiety decreased slightly so you could go out. However you stuck to Wriothesley like glue. Everywhere he went you went, there wasn't a moment when you wouldn't follow. Unless you were with Sigewinne. Not anymore though.

You also experienced panic attacks and night terrors which were much less frequent now.

You would be lying if you said you hadn't developed feelings for the Duke, after all he was the reason you were still functioning to this day. Even though you heard the rumors about him, deep down you knew he was a kind man who was ever so caring it made you blush.

"Where are you off to Y/N? I can see you blushing and smiling sheepishly...could you be going to see Wriothesley?" Sigewinne said placing her finger on her chin as your face flushed red.

She was right. You had bought some teas and made some pastries for him.

"Ermm yes...but what makes you say that...haha?" you rubbed the back of your head feeling embarrassed.

"Well I read somewhere that when humans think about someone they love or are around them they blush and smile!" you smiled at Sigewinne and laughed lightly.

"Well...I suppose your right but no saying anything, okay? Well I'm off." you quickly leave before Sigewinne can tease you.

"Bye Miss Y/N! Have fun with Mr Wriothesley!"

You shut your eyes and hum a little tune as you walk through to Wriothesley's office where he always is.

"Hey it is Y/N!! Heyyy Y/N!! How are you doing today?" you hear a high pitched voiced and open your eyes to see Paimon and the Traveller waving at you.

"Oh, hello there!" You run up to them. "I am quite alright, it's nice to see you. What are you doing outside Wriothesley's office?" you ask as you look up to the large doors wondering why they aren't in yet.

"Oh, we were told he is finishing some work and will come out soon! What about you huh? Still admiring from afar?" Paimon giggled and smirked at you folding her arms

You had gotten closer to the Traveller and Paimon and you would call them your close friends meaning they seemed to notice the crush you had on Wriothesley.

You blushed again and looked down fidgeting with the basket of goods. "I'm not admiring from afar! I just- I just wanted to give him a present because he's working hard and all..." you glanced up to see paimon and the traveller giving unimpressed looks.

"Fine! I'm giving them to him becaude I am in love with him! There I said it!" your face was bright red and paimon and the traveller just laughed happily looking at how flustered you had gotten.

Suddenly the doors swung open and there stood the Duke, arms crossed and smiling slightly.

You all froze as you prayed to the 7 archons that he didn't hear a word you said.

"Ah! Traveller, Paimon and Y/N! If I had known it was you I wouldn't have made you wait!" you stand frozen on your spot while Paimon answers.

"Oh no worries at all~ we will take our leave now! After all Y/N said she has something important to discuss....bye!" Paimon and The traveller make a quick escape as they whisper good luck to you, to which you returned a death glare at them.

"Oh? Well come in Y/N, you know you don't need to knock to come in." Wriothesley gestured you in as you shuffled in.

"Yes you are right but I got caught up in conversation with the duo..." you nervously laughed taking a seat on his desk.

"Of course, of course no worries. What's in that basket?" Wriothesley asked as he slowly made his way to you.

"Oh! these are some teas I bought, and some pastries I made for you! I came to give them to you, I hope you like them" you smiled with you cheeks flushing a warm pink. You handed the basket to Wriothesley as he inhaled the scent and let out a deep and relaxed breath.

"Ahhhh Y/N thank you so much, you know me too well. It means a lot to me." he smiled and patted your head softly.

"Let's chat while you're here I would like to pass time talking to you." he sat down behind his desk as you got up from the desk and sat down on a chair in front of him.

"Before I forget, what was it that you wanted to discuss?" he leaned back in his chair and you diverted your eyes, cursing paimon in your mind.

"Oh it was nothing..."

"Hmm, if you insist..." Wriothesley raised an eyebrow and that topic was dropped immediately, or so you thought.

You were drinking tea and eating pastries together as you enjoyed each other's presence.

"So, Wrio, why did you choose to take care of me personally? I mean I know you told me but I just feel there is more to it y'know?" you asked while sipping your fruit tea.

"So you have noticed..." Wriothesley let out a hearty laugh.

"Well all the reasons I gave are still true...but naturally when all that occurred I needed to know what must have caused such deep trauma...and after finding out the memory that you had been seeing from Avice and Faissolle, I empathised with you since I was in for a similar reason...and when I touched the black gem I felt those memories rush to me"

"What were you in for?" you asked inching closer to him feeling invested.

"When I was younger I killed my abusive adoptive parents to protect my siblings...I know it's horrible, and i hope you dont think differently of me" he sighed looking into his mug.

You got up and walked over to Wriothesley.

"Stand up, Duke." Wriothesley hesitantly stood up think he would get beat due to your demanding tone.

You wrapped your small arms around him resting your cheek on his chest.

Wriothesley was in shock before he wrapped his large arms around you caging you in his large figure.

"Wrio, I could never hate you...you saved my life and for the record us two are the same so all that's left to do is grow and learn from our mistakes, and if you hadn't done what you did...you probably wouldn't be here right now and I would never have been lucky enough to meet you!" you pulled away from the hug and smiled warmly at him.

There were few times you smiled like that and it made Wriothesley feel treasured and loved.

"Hah...thank you Y/N, I'm glad I met you and have you in my life."

"Ditto"

"Does that mean I may also assume you still have a crush on me?"

"Yes of course!!" you answer before you can fully register what has been said and who said it.

Your eyes widen and your face goes bright red and you see Wriothesley smirking at you with his arms folded.

"W-wait- um that's not true...erm I mean I do but um..." you attempt to run away but Wriothesley grabs your arm and drags you back to him with ease.

Before you can start rambling again he kisses you softly as you melt into the euphoric kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck as he grips your waist. Time feels like it has stopped and you want to live in this moment kissing Wriothesley's soft lips.

He pulls away and you are still as stunned as you were before the kiss.

"I hope that shows my answer to the matter you had to discuss." Wriothesley holds you in his arms as you remember what Paimon had said before leaving.

["After all Y/N said she has something important to discuss....bye!"]

You gasped realising he heard the whole conversation.

"You heard?! Why didn't you say anything?" you snuggled into his chest to hide your face from embarrassment, as he laughed.

"Who wouldn't have heard? You were fairly loud... and I wanted to be effective... did it work?" he smirked down at you, and you looked up and smacked his chest.

"Sadly, it did... remind me to be quieter next time..." You both laughed whilst still in each other's arms, enjoying the moment and looking forward to many more to come.

A lil extra!!:

"Oh my dear Y/N is now with the Duke!! I'm so glad she has found happiness!" Avice whisper shouted as she was gathered with Faissolle, Sigewinne, Paimon and The traveller.

"Yes look at how far she has come! I'm very proud!" Faissolle whispers.

"If we hadn't prompted her she wouldn't have done anything so give us some credit!" Paimon said folding her arms looking smug.

"Hmm, does this mean they will engage in sexual intercourse often?" Sigewinne said out of pocket.

"SIGEWINNE!"

a/n: WRIOTHESLEY SUPREMACYYYY!! I have an unnatural obsession with this man...he makes me act up

anyways I hope you enjoyed that and love you all of course 🩷🩷

[kysonwrites]

ᵃⁿˣⁱᵉᵗʸ ⁻ ᵐᵃᵗᵗ ˢᵗᵘʳⁿⁱᵒˡᵒ

↳ summary: reader is having a very bad day, and has a panic attack. matt and madi are there for her though.

↳ warnings: mentions of anxiety, and crying. let me know if i missed any! :)

↳ author's note: by the way if anyone is struggling with mental health, please do not be scared to reach out, and talk to me. i love you all, and only want the best for you guys.

↳ disclaimer: reader is female, she/her pronouns used!

you were an influencer as well, thriving with six million subscribers on youtube, and a couple million on all other platforms. you started posting content around two years ago, and people grew extremely quickly to like you. then when you started dating matt sturniolo five months ago, and things went slightly downhill. you would get hate for dating him, he would get hate for dating you. the hate consisted of,

"why her?"

"she's so gross, omg..."

or.

"she could do much better then him."

"please he's so pathetic."

now you did a very good job on blocking the haters out, because you have many many more supporters and fans, then people who went out of their way to try to fuck up your ego. except for today, you had a twin sister, and she was your rock. your everything, she knew how to lighten your day better then anyone else could. she knew, and could feel when your anxiety was getting bad. only she was on a trip, to travel to get her new puppy, that you two would be sharing. you didn't tag along with her because you had videos to film and stuff to do.

something didn't feel right, your mind was filled with thoughts. you couldn't get them out of your head, you played with your fingers as you sat on the triplet's living room couch in la. while nick had his arm around you, talking to chris. you knew you were very attractive, everyone told you all the time. it wasn't your looks that bothered you, hell nothing bothered you. it was just one of those days, that nothing was the cause of making you upset, you just were upset.

"hey, you okay?" matt asked, emerging from the bathroom. he saw your zoned out state.

"yeah, no i'm good. just have to use the restroom." you rambled, before getting up, feeling nick's arm fall from you, and closing the bathroom door behind you. he knew something was up, but wanted to wait until you came out of the bathroom to talk to you about it.

you hadn't had a panic attack in years, you've became so much more healthier, and happier. you had nothing in your life to panic about anymore, but for the thousandth time that day, you felt strange. then you felt the tear fall from your eye, and you sat on the closed toilet seat.

"fuck." you whispered, as you felt your breathing pick up and your tears became to rush from your eyes quicker.

"y/n?" matt asked, you heard him knock.

"yeah?" you tried to sound calm, but it came out squeaky, and rushed.

"you okay? lemme in." he asked the first half, and demanded the other.

"i just,- okay." you tried to lie, but knew he already caught on and you stood up to open the door. as soon as you saw him, you held your chest struggling to breath.

"hey, hey." matt consoled you, as he lowered you to the floor with him. he held you in his arms, as you cried. "what happened, y/n/n?" he asked, not really expecting an answer, he just said it so you remembered he was there.

"i-" you tried to speak, but just clung to him tighter. if you could breath any harder, you did.

madi was your best friend, and she walked by the door looking for you. she gasped as she saw the state you were in, and she quickly moved to the kitchen to get you water.

"breath with me, okay?" he asked, guiding your hand gently to his chest to feel his breathing. "in and out, okay baby?" he saw your eyes, filled with tears. his heart broke, hes never seen you cry before. and it hurt him to see you like this, he hated it. "please don't cry, y/n/n." he said quietly, as your breathing began to slow down.

madi came back with water, and handed it to matt, to give to you. you took the water and sipped it, but when you saw madi's socks. you reached up for her hand, and she sat down next to you. she began to rub your back, smiling softly at you.

"better now?" madi said, nodding her head at you, waiting for an answer.

"yeah, thank you guys." you spoke, while standing up. matt helped you.

"wanna talk about it?" matt said, leading you to his room with madi following.

"sure, madi c'mon." she stopped at matts door frame, as if she didn't know if she was wanted. she stepped into matts room, and she shut the door behind her. you sat on the bed, and matt sat next to you, madi sat down on the other side of you. they looked at you, waiting for you to speak with such kind eyes. "i feel like i was just having an off day, y'know? nothing really made me sad, or panicked. i just felt like it." you explained, looking down kicking your feet while looking at them.

"i know, whenever you feel like that, just make sure you tell us next time." matt said, looking down at you with gentle eyes.

"never feel scared to talk to us, your my best friend. i love you." madi said, bringing you in for a hug.

"i love you guys both, so much." while madi was hugging you, you wrapped one arm around her, and opened the other for matt. he hugged you, and planted a kiss on your temple.

what would you do without them?

[headkiss]

Hey!! how are u? Could i request a steve x shy! reader fic where she’s just having an anxiety filled day but doesn’t say anything cause she doesn’t want to burden steve and it ends up leading to an anxiety attack and steve comforts her through it?

hiiii thank u sm for requesting!!! i wrote this with what i know personally, but i know anxiety isn’t the same for everyone so feel free to request other scenarios, too <33 | 0.8k, hurt/comfort, tw anxiety and panic attack

It’s been a horrible, horrible day.

Every noise has been getting to you, every thought much louder than usual. It’s as if every little thing is slipping through your barriers, worming their way into your mind. You hate it.

The worst part is that it’s Steve’s day off and it’s meant to be a great day. Of course, you can’t control that it isn’t, but you feel guilty either way.

It started in the morning, waking up far too early, before the sun had even risen and unable to fall back asleep. You stayed in bed only to keep Steve’s arms wrapped around you. Then, an email from your boss talking about some changes being made. Far too many at once for your liking.

Everything kept piling up until, eventually, it boiled over.

You’re on the couch with Steve when it happens. You’re not even sure what’s playing anymore because it’s been muted, overtaken by the volume of your mind. Still, you don’t say a word about it to Steve.

He can tell something is wrong, but he knows that you sometimes take time with these things. That you have to process before bringing anything up. He still worries. You’re far quieter than usual and even now, as he has an arm curled around your shoulders to pull you close, you’re tense.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” He asks.

Had he known that’s what would’ve been the tipping point, he would’ve kept his mouth shut.

Your hands shake and your head spins because where do you even start? What isn’t wrong? You feel awful for thinking this way, especially when you have the world’s best boyfriend right next to you but that’s the thing about anxiety. You can’t control it no matter how hard you try.

Breathing gets harder, and you make your escape as fast as possible. “Um. I'm going to the bathroom.”

You spring up from the couch and go to the bathroom. The door slamming behind you makes you wince. Your hands bury themselves in your hair, pulling at the roof only to feel something, anything other than the panic coursing through you.

Steve’s not far behind, though. Because he knows you and he knows exactly what’s happening even though you haven’t told him anything. He tries to calm himself down to be able to help you properly, he just hates seeing you this way.

Seeing anyone he loves in pain is awful, but it’s much worse when it comes to you. Because he doesn’t just love you, he’s in love with you, and it’s different—the way he feels about you.

You barely hear him knock on the door over the roaring in your ears, his worried “baby? I’m coming in,” muffled.

It’s getting harder to breathe, your chest tight. He opens the door even though you don’t reply, eager to get to you and help talk you down. He’s learned what helps, what makes you feel better, and he learned fast.

“Hey, hey, hey,” his hands reach for yours, easing them from your hair, some strands come away with them. He holds them tight in his grasp, grounding you. “You’re okay. Breathe with me.”

He takes a deep breath in, then out. You try your best to follow but it proves to be more difficult than it seems. He takes your hands and places them against his chest so you can feel it expand with each breath, feel his heartbeat.

“Good, you’re doing so good,” he keeps his hands resting atop yours, then runs them up and down your arms comfortingly. “That’s it. Again. In, out.”

After what feels like hours but might have only been minutes, it gets easier; following his rhythm. The sound of your heart racing in your ears fades away, slowing down. You lean forward and rest your head against Steve’s chest, he kisses the top of your hair.

“I’m sorry,” is the first thing you say.

“None of that,” he tilts your chin up with his finger so you look at him, gentle as ever. “Never apologize, you hear me?”

“It’s just, today was supposed to be nice and- and relaxing, and I ruined it.”

“No, you didn’t. Still got lots of time in the day, okay? Are you tired?”

He knows the answer is yes. You usually are after what just happened, but he lets you say it for yourself. He’ll do whatever you want to make you feel better, anything at all.

“Mhm,” you nod.

“Wanna nap?”

Another nod.

He holds you extra close when you’re in bed, one arm being used as your pillow—he doesn’t care if it goes numb, as long as you’re comfortable—and the other wrapped around your waist.

“Thank you for helping me, Steve.”

“I’m always here, you know that, right?”

“Yeah, I do.”

And really, you do. He never lets you forget it.

[dira333]

The I'm definitely not a creep Fanfic Rec - @shoulmate Edition - part 3

The Sakusa Suna Edition

I don't think it's a secret that I'm a huge fan of Shoulmate's works. I just love how she manages to mix humor with real life. There are so many plot twists you'd never expect as well as heavy hitters that make you think.

Since I don't read suggestive or spicy stuff you'll not find her whole masterlist on here, but it's a pretty close call.

I organized the list from A-Z because I could never choose a favorite, but it's too much for one post, and there's so much of Sakusa and Suna they got one for themselves.... so have fun:

Sakusa

Sakusa gets grey hair (I just sent in an ask and this is what happened... so blown away)

Sakusa hates cheese (same here)

Sakusa doesn't want you to come to the gym with him

Sakusa is the worst patient  part 2 (reversed)

Sakusa - having babies

Sakusa - what to do when people cry

Sakusa - happy place

Sakusa - the best way to start the day

Sakusa (&Team Japan) - camping trip part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, full Fic "Wild" on AO3 ( I live for this fic! Shoulmate is fantastic at writing team dynamics)

Sakusa Kiyoomi does not enjoy dancing. 

Sakusa vs Isagi part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 (really cool mix up with Blue Lock. So good)

Sakusa - shared heartbreak

Sakusa - “Sexy-San” (Atsumu is the worst matchmaker)

Sakusa - calling people out (how to flirt with Sakusa 101)

Sakusa - of panic attacks and asshole teams (one of the only fics where Iizuna is mentioned. I loved it)

Sakusa - fainting in bathrooms (so funny!!!)

Sakusa - Shapeshifter (this one was so cool!)

Sakusa - unmasked

Sakusa - MSBY Team Interview - part 1 part 2 (the plot twist!!!!)

Suna

Suna - the rope swing (angsty)

Suna - you're cute when you're angry

Suna - KNB manager meets Suna Rintarou, professional Volleyball Player and music connoisseur (me freaking out about KNB!)

Suna - best friends in every universe (this one hit)

Suna - just a roommate? (this one's so sweet and Osamu as a matchmaker... ugh, my heart)

Suna - angry cleaning

Suna - surprise visits

Suna - the best cuddler (plus Team Japan)

Suna - Do you really want to be with me?

Suna - recorded memories

Suna - rooftop confessions

Suna - when he craves attention

Suna - when you need a hug 

Suna - I would treat you better 

Suna - waiting at home

Suna - sick days

Suna - it starts and it ends (angst)

[mrs-santoss]

I'm Here - Neymar Imagine

Summary: Heyyy babe I want to sayy that i LOVE your writings ❤️❤️❤️ i would like to request something if you have time. i struggle a lot with panic attacks and i was wondering if you can do an imagine with Ney about him helping me get through it, love yaa xx Warning: mentions of panic attack. Neymar's POV: A faint noise coming from the bathroom manages to disturb me from my sleep. I turn to face Y/Ns side of the bed, but she's not there. I don't overthink it at first, assuming she woke up to pee. I close my eyes. A noise that sounded like a whining forced my eyes open again. I get out of bed and make my way to the bathroom. I knock on the door. "Y/N, bebê, is everything okay?" I ask her, still half-awake. She doesn't respond, however, I can hear movement sounds coming from the other side of the door indicating she's in there. I knock a couple more times, still no reaction. "Y/N, I'm coming in, honey." I warn her before cracking the door open slightly. I see Y/N on the bathroom floor with her eyes closed and her knees brought up to her chest, struggling to breathe. I immediately understood what was going on. During these situations, I approach her slowly, not wanting to cause her more panic. I kneel down on her level and take her hands in mine. She experiences panic attacks very often. I hate the fact that she never feels comfortable enough to come to me when finding herself in this situation. I stroke her hands slowly, she's still struggling to breathe and keeps her eyes closed. "Y/N, it's okay, meu amor. Everything is okay. Breathe!", she's still not responding at all. "Y/N, can you open your eyes for me? Can you look at me? Come on, bebê, you can do it." She opens her eyes slowly, looking at me panicked. I use my hand to remove some hair strands from her face. I don't know what got her in this state, but I need to calm her down first. "That's it, amor. Let me see those beautiful eyes. Oh, god, they're beautiful. Can you breathe with me, bebê?" She seems unsure about my request for her to take deep breaths, she looks scared. I've seen her experience panic attacks in front of me before, but it always feels like the first when it happens. I place her right hand on my chest, telling her to follow my breathing. "Can you copy my breathing, amor? Let's try it together, okay?" I ask her. I breathe in and out slowly, I pause to wait for her to repeat it, she fails. "Let's go one more time, okay?" I breathe in and out again. She makes a somewhat successful attempt. She tries to speak, still hyperventilating. I use my other hand to stroke her cheek. "Ney-" "Yes, bebê. I'm here, I've got you." I kiss her forehead and lips. I instruct her to breathe a couple more times before she finally starts to feel better. I shift from my place and sit on the bathroom floor with my back against the wall, and grab her in my arms with her back pressed against me, holding her. I whisper sweet nothings in her ear and sense her breath returning back to normal. "That's it, amor. Are you feeling better now?" "I don't know. Maybe yes, maybe no, I'm scared." "Shh, that's okay. I'm still here with you, I'll always be. Let's take our time." We stay like that for a while, she tightens her grip on my arms as if I'm going to escape from her. I want to assure her I'll be here for her, always. She means the world to me, this is something I want to help her overcome. I don't want her to feel insecure about this, this doesn't define her, but even if it did, I would still love her with every ounce of my being. "Are you feeling better, meu amor?" "Yes, I think I'm feeling much better. Thank you, Ney. I'm sorry for this." she says and closes her eyes, feeling disappointed about herself. I don't want her to think about herself like this, ever.

"No, no, please don't apologize, Y/N. This is something we'll always go through together, always. I love you so much, bebê." "I love you too, Ney." "Do you want to go lay down or do you want to stay here a bit more?" "Let's go lay down, meu amor. It's still late and we need to sleep."

I agree with her and we stand up from the floor. I grab her hand and lead her to the bed. She tugs on my arm, wanting my attention. "Ney?" "Yes, amor?" I stop to look at her. "Can we eat some ice cream before and then cuddle?" she asks giving me her puppy eyes that I adore. Sometimes, I like to make her plead so I can see her do this face. I absolutely adore her. "Of course, meu amor. You're just a big baby, aren't you?" I pinch her cheeks and kiss her lips, making her giggle. I finally made her laugh, thank god. "If admitting this will make you take care of me like a baby, then yes." "Okay, then. Come here" I take her up in my arms, making my way to the kitchen. "Hahah, noo. Neyy, put me down, I was joking" she yells and laughs. "Nope, too late. Babies need to be carried." "I WAS JOKING" "I WASN'T"

[igotbloodonmyhands]

Alive / Part X

Trigger warning: Mentions and descriptions about sexual abuse and rape. Word count: 459

The rest of the breakfast was tasty, but awkward. Ghost felt like Molly knew. (She does). She kept glancing at him and Soap, who were sitting next to each other, a mischevious smirk on her face.

After finishing eating, they helped clean the dishes and went up to their bedroom to brush their teeth. Ghost was quiet, but he could feel Soaps eyes on him the entire time. He wasn't sure what to say. It wasn't like he didn't enjoy what happened, not at all. It just felt so.... Weird. Unfamiliar. He's had his fair share of experiences, but it has been years. And in the mean time there were some.... Rather unpleasant events. He stood in front of the sink, looking at himself in the mirror. He could feel their hands on him, doing whatever they wanted to with his body, forcing him to go on his knees and please them. He wanted to puke, nausea overcoming him. "I had to , I had to, I had to survive", he repeated over and over in his mind, a tear rolling down his cheek. It had taken years before he could even touch himself again without having a panic attack. Since then no one had touched him in that way. He didn't want them to. Sometimes he missed the intimacy, but he was afraid to crave it, knowing he wouldn't be able to allow someone so close to him. But now there was Soap. Ghost damned himself for it, but he trusted the man. Fuck, he loved him. And for the first time in what seemend like a lifetime, he craved touch. His touch. His hands dug in his neck, knuckles white and leaving small, red shapes in his skin.

"You ok in there, lt?", Soaps voice sounded from outside the door. "Er, yea, 'm fine", Ghost hurried to answer, voice a bit choked up. Soap didn't say anything. Quickly wiping his wet eyes and putting on his stoic expression, he stepped out the bathroom. He was certain Soap could see that he had cried, but he luckily didn't say anything.

"So, you wanna go for a hike?", Soap asked lowly, inching closer to Ghost, putting his hands on his waist. Ghost suddenly felt claustrophobic. He loved his touch and hated it at the same time. He stumbled backwards. Soap looked confused at a bit hurt, no, more regretful.

Ghost cleared his throat. "Yea, why not. Lovely weather", he mumbled. He began to look for his cargo pants and a shirt. Soap was awfully quiet. Ghost wanted to slap himself for repulsing. He craved him so much it hurt. It scared him.

He turned around, wanting to say something. "I'm sorry, Johnny", he said.

But Soap was already gone.

Note: I did not plan for this to turn out this dark, but I wanted to bring in an explanation for Ghosts mixed feelings on intimacy, since his sexual abuse and rape are canon. I've personally never read the comics, so this is just my interpretation. I also want to mention that the reactions to sexual trauma are extremely subjective, how I described it here is just my personal experience.

[bongwaterbunny]

safe place

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pairing ;; bunny!reader x remus lupin

warnings ;; fluff + angst, bunny has anxiety, mentions of drinking and brief gore but that's all that i can think of.

synopsis ;; when wolf meets bunny, things can get tough - and sleepy.

word count ;; 581

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yes, this is a self indulgent blurb i made during a panic attack, AND??

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

it's the quiet huffs that remus notices first, like when a kitten falls asleep in a space it feels safe and starts to snore. he blinks back the groggy feeling behind his eyes just as he hears the faint thumping of bunnys foot on the carpet. she's having a nightmare. it takes a moment or two for him to find her, curled up under the coffee table of all places, and he coos at the dark circles forming quickly under her eyes.

she stirs a little as his scarred arms wrap around her small frame, all too careful of the pure white ears she's tucked her face into, but she doesn't quite stir until he's about to step onto the cold tile of the bathroom floor.

"no- bun!" his voice is tired as she scampers away, pitter-pattering her way to the soft warm carpet in their apartment. "please?"

she sniffles, nose scrunching up, but it's not in her nature to stay mad at him, however tired she is. he looks rough, brown hair still greasy and brown eyes still tired from the last full moon; only days beforehand. bunny hears the pleading tone in his voice, see the limp he tries to hide from her and tears prick at her glassy eyes.

remus tries again, slowly, a soft "oh, bunny.." as he approaches her. she paws at his jumper as he picks her up, trying to quit shaking. "i'm sorry. i'm so, so sorry my love. i didn't mean to scare you."

"i'm sorry!" it's sudden, and loud enough to make the werewolf jump a bit as he settles into bed. "…s-sorry.."

he pulls her tiny frame close to his chest, petting her as gently as he can and that's when it all cracks.

"please d-don't be mad at me, remmy, please i'm sorry." she cries a bit harder, covering her face in his jumper as if that could hide her from the world. and what he hears next breaks his heart. "jus' don't want you to leave me…"

"leave?"

she nods.

"bunny, oh bun- hey you're okay! you're okay, i'm not leaving."

she sniffles. he shifts so he can see what's going on in that little brain of hers, to see her expressions.

"j-just jealous, rem." it's only a whimper. remus didn't even hear her at first, but bunny doesn't stop her sniffles, and remus connects the dots.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

bun's always been afraid of the bathroom, the cold tiles and hot water, the toilet that flushes so loud it's like an earthquake on her sensitive ears. even the gentle caress of her lovers hand makes her heart thump like she's dying in there, remus remembers the nights spent awake telling her everythings okay as she curls herself up as tight as can be under the covers. with his recent turning, the violence and aggression he knows bunny hates just as much as he does, things have been hard. he's gotten home late, covered in scars or drunk just to cope with the time. while he's been exhausted, buns been scared, walking on eggshells hoping the love of her life doesn't leave her behind for people who might actually be able to help him.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

"bun," she flinches, "i'm so sorry princess. you know i'd never leave you. you know you mean the world to me, right bunny?" his voice is hesitant.

there's no reply.

there's no shaking.

there's nothing but the tiniest of bunnies snoring softly in her safe place, her werewolf.

[freshloveee]

party gone wrong

requested? yes! here

i actually hate this so sorry to this anon i'll probably make some edits later or just redo it as a whole

warnings: slight mention of alcohol, crying, panic attack, shit ending lmao

parties were never your thing. you hated the noise, the people, the crowded rooms, basically everything about it. now dating an influencer came along with many parties. you have been to an "influencer party" before and it wasn't that bad. you stuck with who you knew and everything was alright, but the one tonight was going to be huge. you were scared but you didn't dare to tell your boyfriend, matt. not that he would do anything bad, just because he would drop everything when he really wanted to go to this party. you were currently at your vanity doing your makeup. you're wearing a cropped black short sleeve with a varsity jacket on top and jeans. once you finished your makeup you took your hair out of it's black claw clip to reveal your natural hair. you ruffle it up a bit (please tell me yk what i mean) and matt walks into the room. you turn your head around to see him in jeans and a ransom tee with a skull and blue lettering. you smile at him admiring his presence.

"you look pretty." matt says, breaking the silence

"thank you, and you look handsome." you say with a slight blush and a wide smile

"thanks, well we're gonna get heading out soon just a heads up." matt says blushing due to your compliment

"alright, i'll be down in a minute."

after matt left you put on your shoes and apply some perfume. you sigh deeply knowing that this party won't be enjoyable but hey, its for matt. shortly after you walk downstairs and you head to the car. 15 minutes later you guys arrive at the party. you grab matt's hand and he gives it a light squeeze. 

it's been an hour and to be honest you're pretty proud of yourself. you haven't had that many moments where you were extremely uncomfortable. well safe to say you spoke too soon. before you knew it your clothes were too tight, the smell of the alcohol was nauseating, the music was giving you a headache, and your breaths started getting short.

"i'll be right back, i'm gonna go to the bathroom" you say as you put on your best fake smile

"okay!" nick says 

the second you step into the bathroom you start crying. it was all too much. you hug your knees to your chest and let your jeans soak up the tears. you tried to calm yourself down but nothing was working. you didn't know how much time you spent on the floor crying. 

at the party, outside of the bathroom

"is y/n alright?" nick questions

"i don't know she's been in there for a while. i'll go check on her" matt says wondering if you're okay

"i'll be right back, i'm gonna go check on my girl." matt informs the rest of the group.

he walks towards the bathroom hoping that you're alright. he knocks on the door.

"you alright, n/n?"

"n-no, just c-come in." you choke out

he opens the door to see you hyperventilating and crying.

"oh baby…" matt says

"i-i'm sorry" you say barely above a whisper

"no, no, no, none of this is your fault i should've noticed how uncomfortable you were." matt says as he wraps you into a bear hug

"can you take some deep breaths?" matt asks

"i-i'll try." you stammer out

"here let's do it together, in through your nose out through your mouth."

he rubs your back and whispers sweet nothings into your ears. 

"how about we go home and watch a movie?" matt suggests

you instantly nod your head nuzzling your head farther into his chest if that was even possible.

at home

you kick your shoes off and go upstairs to change matt soon following. he grabs your makeup wipes and walks towards you.

"what are you doing?" you question

"taking of your makeup? now close your eyes." matt says in a "duh" tone

you close your eyes as he gently rubs the wipe against your soft skin, scared to hurt you. he smiles as the way your nose scrunched up when the wipe hits a new spot on your face

"alrighty, i'm done." matt declares

you both get into bed. your head against his chest listening to his heartbeat. matt soon puts on a movie (wtv u want)

"i'm sorry i didn't realize sooner, baby." matt says quietly

"i promise it's okay, none of this is your fault." you assure

"i love you baby, more than you'll ever know." matt says with love in his voice

"i love you too."

30 minutes later you had fallen asleep, matt notices and turns down the volume down on the tv. 

"good night my love." matt says as he kisses your temple admiring the sight of his girlfriend

tags: @mangoposts @mattitties @freshloveforthefit @78yaz @lacysturniolo @gnxosblog @worldlxvlys

[renegade-diamonds]

Hellooo i'm here for your daily dosis of omegaverse ronance, today thinking about Robin being the only omega of the fruity four, with the other three all being alphas - the joke tells itself. I'm thinking about an Eddie lives AU in which the three of them become a tight-knit group and do everything together as friends, even before Nancy and Robin get together. It's eye-catching, to say the least, because when I say they do everything together, I mean it. They basically have no friends outside each other in school, outside all the traumatized nerds, ages between 11 and 15, that are more or less related to them. To say Eddie is the most "popular" one of the four, as leader of the Hellfire club with at least two or three other friends there, says a lot. You get a dad of seven, an autistic lesbian who made her first friend at age 17, an alleged satanist accused of murder and a nerd who tries to pretend she's not a nerd and fails, all of which became social outcasts in their own ways.

So when people see them hang out - three alphas and one omega - they point and snicker and spread horrible rumors about all the different ways in which Robin's friends "help her" in her heats, and whether or not she returns the favor for each of them during ruts. It's a constant reminder of how much everything has changed since she presented. She can't even hang out with her friends in peace. She wants to be a wallflower again.

It doesn't help that a little bit of their scent always lingers on her from spending so much time together, or that Nanch keeps scenting her the way mates do every day as soon as they get to school so now she just smells of Unidentified Alpha most of the time.

The first time someone makes an implication to her face, she ends up having a panic attack in the bathroom and refusing her friends' help. So what if the four of them were in an empty classroom with the door locked? They were discussing Upside Down matters, but of course, that's not something they could tell people about. And the fact that Robin was visibly at the beginning of her heat was just coincidence (she couldn't afford to skip classes with the exams coming).

She never - never - thought she'd be called a slut in school. She expected people questioning her on why she never dated anyone, not for sleeping around too much - which she doesn't do, anyway! At least before they didn't like her for who she was, but this isn't even who she is, at all. And it only gets worse when she tries to tell the school authority and they just scold her for being alone in a room with three alphas when she's clearly beginning her heat. And then they call her parents, and her parents give her the yelling of her life and take away her bicycle and Robin just wants to scream because she did nothing wrong, and she still needs to get to the library to study for the exams, and discuss Upside Down business, and now she's just missing Nancy specifically a lot.

It's like torture because she actually feels so safe and content with her friends most of the time. It's a mix of feeling perfectly accepted and valued and her insticts telling her she's well-protected. But then someone will make a gross comment and shame her for feeling this way, and she's almost scared of going out again and be seen with them. I imagine that, highschool being highschool, alphas will group with alphas, omegas with omegas, etc and any mixing between the groups will imply something sexual in the middle.

She gets so sick of it that at one point, she asks Nancy to stop scenting her, and makes sure to wash her scent off all of her clothes and return the scarf she gave her, in hopes that it will stop the bullies at least a little. It kinda breaks Nancy's heart, and she hates the idea of Robin going around unprotected, because as humiliating as some people make it to be, at least it was a way of telling the world she had an alpha looking out for her. But the way Robin looks at her with tears in her eyes is just too much, and she finds herself accepting, hoping she'll be able to keep an eye on her from afar.

Ok, but imagine Nancy finding out what's been going on, or over hearing other students taunting Robin.

For all Nancy cares, it's open season once she finds out what the school admin did to Robin when she tried to report the harassment. She wants to expose the school's negligence towards bullying and omega's students safety. Nancy ends up calling in a favor with Murray who invites them to come over to do a few interviews for the expose.

As you might suspect, he sniffs out their weird quasi-relationship dynamic right off the bat. He clocks the way Robin sticks to Nancy's side in this unfamiliar environment within five minutes, and he spots the tells of Nancy's over-protectiveness of the omega the very first instance in which Robin's nerves visibly flared up.

Oh yeah, these two were right on the cusp of something new and Murray was going to make sure they realized it.

[crypticjackal13]

hi can I request a macaque, monkey king, Nezha, spider queen and Chang’E separatedly x transmac austictic reader

like reader is loving towards everyone and also chaotic plus they sometimes do crazy stuff like for example if there at a zoo and they see a animal they like for example a tiger they will stop what there doing and they will literally climb the bar wall and be with the tiger and start doing tiger noises as the tiger and the tiger replies back and start being affectionately towards reader as then macaque, monkey king, Nezha, spider queen and Chang’E noticed there gone and sees reader where they are with the wild animal and they will start panicking and will get them out of there and start scolding them as reader then start tearing up they will stop scolding them and try to comfort them and telling him that they where worried and the rest you can do what you want I don’t mind if you change it

Ngl I had a stroke trying to read this but yup I got the general premise! Also props to you for being my first spider queen request :)) I love her sm! I'm gonna do my best! I ran with the tiger idea ngl

SWK, MACAQUE, NEZHA, SPIDER QUEEN, AND CHANG'E x Transmasc!Autistic!Reader Headcanons!

Pronouns: he/him

CW: mmm I don't think there's any?? Comment if yes

Macaque - between the two of you he definitely has the brain cell. He was excited to go to the zoo with you, especially after seeing how pumped up you were to see the tigers. He got the tickets and you two made your way over. Now, he’s got many ways of keeping track of you—being in your shadow, clones, or even just holding your hands—but he chose to use none of those. So when he turned around to look at you after checking out a different animal and you were GONE, panic mode set in. It’s too crowded for him to use his six ears, so he resorts to just running around until he sees you with the tigers. As fast as he can he gets you out of there and takes you to the side. He’s scolding you, telling you that you can’t just do that, but when he sees you starting to tear up he feels bad and reassures you that he’s not upset or anything. He’s just happy you’re safe, now please go wash your hands he SAW you smushing the tiger’s face after it ate—

SWK - this man is the same way with the monkeys. When you two went to the zoo, he stopped and made noises at the monkeys(and you got bored of their conversation so obviously you just wandered off…). He freaks out a bit when you disappeared, but thankfully you weren’t super far away. Not gonna lie, he’d probably let you have your fun with the tigers for a bit—but then it’s go time and he gets you out of there. He doesn’t “scold” you, but he does gently explain that you should at least give him a heads up next time so he can at least help you jump the fence! He’s laid back and honestly I HC him as neurodivergent so he’d vibe really well with you. 

Nezha - SIR PLEASE YOU WILL GIVE THIS MAN A HEART ATTACK (/lh)! Likes going out with you when you’re feeling up for it because he’s got a lot of cool knowledge stowed away in his brain that he can share. However he doesn’t like it as much when he has to use his magic ribbon first as a lasso to get you out of the enclosure but then as a leash to keep you close for the rest of the zoo visit. He half-drags you along to the bathrooms to help you clean yourself up, all while telling you the various ways that could have ended badly. But his demeanor changes when he sees the oncoming storm of emotions in your face. He would hate to upset you. So he stops, sits down with you, and reassures you that it’s okay, but you can’t do that. He values safety over ANYTHING else, so don’t blame him too hard for wanting you to stick by his side. 

Spider Queen - You’re treated like royalty by default because you’re her lovely significant other. Naturally a zoo trip is something she’d love to do with you! Her boys will most likely tag along as well, but they’re gonna go do their own thing while you two enjoy some time together! She cares about you a great deal, and is asking every few exhibits if you’re having a good time, do you need anything, it’s not too warm right? She thought she had your hand in hers, but when you simply aren’t there, she panics a bit, and calls the boys to tell them to help look for you. When all of them report that yup, you’re chilling with the tigers—no, like IN THE CAGE WITH THE TIGERS—she is there in a FLASH. You’re out of the cage and in her arms in seconds. She’s searching first for wounds and then giving you a mini-lecture. But she stops as soon as she sees your eyes glaze over. She gives you a little space and then has you take some breaths with her. No, she’s not mad, if anything she’s impressed. Just glad you’re okay!

Chang’e - (she was in like 1 episode so take everything here with a grain of salt) super sweet and it shows!! A trip to the zoo with you is the perfect fun date so she can take a break from her show for a while. Loves how much you like the animals, and she gives some of her own input as well! Out of the characters so far she’s the most likely to remain calm when she sees you with the tigers. Helps you out on your own time—clearly it wasn’t an accident you got in there, and you’re not in any immediate danger, so what’s the rush? Once you’re out, she has you clean up and just reminds you that you should try and admire from a distance sometimes. Then you two go sit down and eat some lunch that she prepared for you guys in advance <3

[marilynthornhilllover]

Larissa weems x fem!reader

Name: " when the pain cuts you deep"

Warning: indecent language, depression, insecurities, self hatred,panic attacks, childhood trauma, low self esteem, FLUFF.

Request: hey darling! Can I request a sad reader x larissa please! Also can it be based off the song remedy from adele, including some stuff like depression, insecurities, self hatred,childhood trauma, anxiety, panic attacks, low self esteem etc rissa comes home to r crying in the bathroom saying shes not good enough and no one cares about her. BUTS LOTS OF FLUFF FROM RISSA!! I kbow that you would use your imagination and make this into art BTW i love your fanfics keeping working magic and have a good day!!

A/n: thank you darling!! And I hope your doing well just know that your gonna be ok :)

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Growing up you had a pretty fucked up childhood. While other kids were busy being happy and playing with toys you were busy being miserable and suffering. Depression is something everyone can relate to. Either it be serious or not.

We all faced a time when we once questioned our existence on earth. You've been a broken child growing up. And because of that it destroyed many of your relationships. Because people didn't know how to cope and relate to you mentally.

But when you met larissa that all changed. You first met her at a conference meeting. That's when she helped you with through your first panic attack in public. After that the both of you got really close.

Larissa was always gentle with you. Never pressured you. Never belittle you, underestimated you, made you feel scared, lonely, hurt, nothing that people would normally make you feel.

You always thought that you weren't capable of loving. But the day larissa proposed to you would forever be a eternal memory to you. It's been 5 years now, and you haven't regret a thing.

♧

Larissa knew when you didn't come to hug her at the door when she came home something was wrong. Big time. Fear rushed over her as panic filled her body, as she called your name once and didn't get a response. " darling? Where are you, I'm home" she said running up the stairs to the second floor.

She heard you. Your quiet sobs of pain. Her heart immediately shattered. She hated seeing you hurt so much. Especially when she knows sometimes she can't help. You just have to get over it yourself in your own time. In your own space. Which she highly respected.

She gently knocked on the door causing you to jump from inside. You were so lost in yourself you didn't even hear her come home. " baby you ok?" She asked voice dripping with care and love but hasten with worry. You sniffed as you pulled in a cold long breath.

" Yes but I'll be out soon" you said barely getting it out before you broke down into tears again. As much as you wanted to be alone in your shit you wanted to be in her embrace. With her soothing words of affection. Her soft touch, her kisses. Oh you wanted it all.

You always hated physical touch but larissa was different. Far different. Her touch was magical. And you hated pushing her away when she so desperately wanted to help you.

" my love you can't hide forever, dont do this to yourself please" she whispered the last word coming painfully. She sat on the ground on the other end of the door. You pulled your knees closer to your chest and placed your head on them. You couldn't face yourself and now you couldn't face her. You've been here a million times before.

And she was always there every step of the way. So why are you shutting her out now? Why the distancing. It was the self doubt again. The little demon in your head telling you no one loves or care about you. That's what it was, larissa thought to her self.

" What's troubling my dove?" She asked voice soft as ever. She really was meant for you. You couldn't help the sobs. When she asked you the question your heart suddenly gaved out. You suddenly had the urge to tell your lover everything.

You slowly opened the door. Larissa immediately stood to her feet taking a good look at you. Puffy eyes, messed up mascara, messy hair. Her heart ached at the sight of you. It seriously broke her heart to see you in such state.

" I don't feel like I'm good enough for anything or anyone rissa, not even for you. I hate myself, I'm always messing things up. I dont wanna hurt anyone. I wanna let go riss" you said voice breaking. Soon the tears came flooding your eyes and cheeks again.

"Oh honey" she cooed as she pulled you into her arms. "Let it out" she whispered, placing your face into her neck. You cried harder. Her grip around tighten as she was trying to get you as close to her as possible. She allowed you to cry and cry til you couldn't anymore.

You became numb to the pain.

♧

After larissa gaved you a bath she placed you in bed. She got dressed into something more comfortable and took her place beside you on the bed. For a while there was completely silence. You stared into the room avoiding eye contact with her.

You could feel her staring at you. "Baby" she whispered cupping your face in her hands. You melted into her touch, whimpering at the sensation.

" look up" she whispered and you did just so, as soon as your eyes met her gaze she kissed you softly. You didn't have the energy to kiss back so you just let her do all the love and affection. Her soft lips against yours was always a feeling you would never get tired of.

You moaned into her mouth as she deepened the kiss. This is what you loved most about larissa. She could take all your pain away in a instant. Make you feel safe. Important.

" why didn't you tell me the feelings were coming back?" She asked proceeding to leave kisses all over your face. You pulled away from her eyes meeting her gaze. " I didn't want to burden you with unnecessary things" you whispered looking away from her.

She immediately brought your gaze back to hers. " y/n you are not a burden and your feelings and mental health is not unnecessary, my love" she said smiling softly. Her eyes were filled with hope and love.

" I love you beyond stars, do you know what I'd do for you?" You sniffed and barley was able to look at her because your eyes were hurting so bad. " I'd jump off a cliff for you. Get hit by a train for you. Die for you" she said, kissing your cheek.

Suddenly your chest started to feel tight. Your breathing became more erratic. It was a panic attack. Larissa noticed immediately. She pulled you closer to her and placed your head on her shoulder. " remember what we participated darling" she whispered, she slowly inhaled and you followed.

Then she slowly exhaled. You followed her breathing steps for a good while before you were ok again. You pulled away from larissa and looked up at her.

" thank you for being so patient with me, rissa" you whispered looking down at the sheets and slightly pulling them. Larissa used her hand to rise up your chin. She took both your hands in hers. She kissed you on your forehead softly. " I meant what I said in our wedding vows" she whispered.

" that'd you be by my side forever?" You asked low laying your head into her lap.

She slowly Bagan to run her fingers through your messy hair. Fingernails brushing your scalp lightly. Soon you started to fall asleep. Larissa fixed you probably so that you were comfortable, by placing your head on a pillow and your blanket over you.

You were completely asleep now. Larissa looked at your sleeping body and smiled. She loved you beyond stars. She smiled at your before kissing your forehead.

" that I'll be your remedy" she whispered softly. That was her vows to you. To understand you. Help you. Stay be yourside and most importantly to be your cured for your sadness and broken heart.

☆

The next morning you woke up with kisses being placed all over your face. during your sleepy state you heard. " love yourself today, you deserve it" it was below the average tone of how a person spoke but above a whisper. There was a soft kiss to your cheek before she left for work.