#i hate writers regret

[emjiroki]

Is it bad that I want to change the ending to Oni's Heart part 3? I'm not really satisfied with the direction I took and I'm thinking of deleting it and rewriting the last bit

Hello emi!~ <3

Not at all!! Although if I may suggest (no pressure though!! at the end of the day it is your writing, and I love your writing <3) how about doing a subplot/side story instead of deleting and rewriting the last bit?

Hope you have a nice day/afternoon/evening! ❤

- ☁

See I was thinking about doing like an alternate ending but what I want to do ties in with part 2 so well I'm kicking myself for not thinking of it sooner... 😅 it's just irritating cause I put my all into that series and I see so many flaws and inconsistencies that I'm regretting writing part 2 and 3 so quick.

Hope you have a great morning/afternoon/evening too lovely 💕

[spacediddly]

House and Wilson’s connection to A Chorus Line… A musical which House uses to imply to his neighbor that they are a couple… Which includes a song called “What I Did For Love”… Both have lied, cheated, and stole to keep the other around… “Won’t forget, can’t regret, what I did for love”…

[helianskies]

ugly maths.

i hate maths, right. i don't usually like numbers, and if i do like numbers it's gotta be an 8 or a 48 and nothing else.

thing is, i've recently caught myself doing maths again. ugly maths. the kind of maths that, really, i've been trying to avoid as much as possible because, well, it's ugly!

you... wanna see?

okay, fine... but don't say i didn't warn you!

ugly, see? look at all those numbers! not a 48 in sight!

huh? what's that? you don't see what i'm on about? oh... oh! hang on, lemme just—

better? yes? no? no? okay, what if i—

mmh, yes. ugly numbers. see it now? can you see why they're ugly?

here, i can make it worse.

these numbers are ugly. the maths they make me do is ugly.

now i'll level with you: the worst ones by far are the yellow numbers. the maths they make me do it the ugliest.

why ugly?

because it makes me ugly.

those numbers turn me into not only a suddenly number-obsessed fool, but a fool who also cannot understand these numbers and what they mean and why i feel like they reflect on me and my ability.

87, 75.

the thoughts are as follows:

• the orange numbers are big, so why are you being ugly about the yellow ones? you should be happy with what you have. so many nice big numbers! not everyone receives that.

• is it that there are two different audiences for these two different fics? perhaps. they are quite different works, with different appeals, and different themes. maybe you are reading too much into it.

• why are you obsessing over numbers anyway? you don't like maths! you left maths behind when you were 16, put it down!

okay, okay, fine! i'll put the maths down. right here, in fact!:

that 87 was an 83 at the start of the year. the 6161 it is attached to was a 5453.

4, 708.

ugly maths.

the 75 is a nice number. in fact, compared to 87, it is beautiful, radiant, enchanting. at the start of the year, 75 was 48. wow. now that is one sexy number!

27.

mmmm.

6161, 1061.

5100.

87, 75.

12.

mmmm.

you know, my most favourite comment left recently on a fic of mine was 2 characters long: :(

it made me :)

well, actually, it made me >:) because it was left in response, presumably, to one of the key scenes in a new chapter which left the exact impression on someone that i hoped it would.

they must be the only one who reacted like that, though.

1.

have i mentioned that that 87 and 75 include author responses?

i won't try to do more maths, there. it might not end well for me. the maths is making me tired enough as it is, and i have an early start tomorrow.

oh! but, that being said, i have another set of ugly numbers to show you, so keep 87 and 75 in mind.

ready?

838, 245.

(want a hint? the green numbers!)

838, 87. 245, 75.

9.6, 3.3.

ugly maths. it's ugly again, see? i don't like it. i'm seeing numbers within numbers within numbers, and i can't seem to stop!

the numbers make me ask new questions:

• why is it not good enough?

• people seem to engage more with one fic over the other, so shouldn't you prioritise?

• is all this maths this really good for you?

no, it isn't.

i want to avoid ugly maths. ugly maths makes me want to tear my hair out. it makes me want to start from scratch. it makes me want to grab someone and scream. it makes me want to cry and press a button that has tempted me many times before when the numbers become too ugly to bear.

ugly maths turn me into an ugly person.

ugly maths make me obsessive, paranoid, anxious, regretful, vindictive, spiteful, alone.

i hate maths. i hate numbers, just like, it feels, the numbers hate me.

[halforcdad]

serenading was really the last thing i ever wanted Kate to do as her grand gesture and i still don’t love it, but the amount of people who keep calling a big, awkward, public gesture hugely ooc for Kate and keep saying they miss the old whistler who wasn't dumb, oh DIA Whistler was so much better. its the show’s first season. i don’t think it’s even possible to be ooc when the writers are just starting to create these characters and we barely know them. we only saw ‘cool, confident, bossy dia whistler’ for about 6 episodes before 1x11 happened and changed everything, and while she’s still all of those things she was changing even before the breakup happened and with all the growth she’s gone through, she’s going to end the season looking pretty different to how she started (fair warning, this is a little unhinged and unorganized, just a little)

her arc has been about her learning to let people in and learning to be more honest with her feelings, to not be afraid of putting herself out there and learning how to stop pushing people away as a result of the impact Lucy and the team have had on her. it’s about making yourself vulnerable and trying to find people who will accept you even if you’re an awkward giraffe. throughout the season the writers have been telling us that she: finds it hard to be open and show her emotions, she puts her orders before her feelings at work causing everyone to view her as the ‘bad cop’ and that sucks, she really wants to make connections with her coworkers, but she doesn’t know how and she’s kinda bad at it, she was afraid of starting something with Lucy (and messing it up) because Lucy’s the most amazing woman she’s ever met and she wanted to keep it on the downlow until she felt she could handle it, is actually very charming and sensitive and goofy underneath that hardened exterior

there’s a reason Ernie describes her as “the tall one acting goofy,” she tries to keep her relationship with Lucy a secret and yet you can see her softening as a result of it and being unable to hide their connection and pull to each other even at work. Jesse notices they’re making googly eyes at each other during the Pearl Harbor tour in 1x09 and remarks that “there’s a certain DIA officer i haven’t seen around your desk recently,” because she couldn’t fight the gravitational pull drawing her to Lucy’s desk everyday, literally the worst kept secret at the office you morons! In 1x12 she’s sprinting after Lucy practically shouting after her (loud enough for all of Pearl Harbor to hear) even when she’s asking if Lucy’s going to throw their relationship away that easily. Kate gets a pass with Jane because how can you pretend you don’t care about Lucy after she could’ve died on an UC mission and as for Kai, well, he has two eyes so he definitely noticed too

the Whistler in 1x01 would definitely not be going over to Tennant’s house after 1x14 and sharing a drink with her (might not have warned her about Glenn Smith either) and maybe she wouldn’t have tried comforting her when Jesse went missing in 1x15 (not because she wouldn’t have wanted to, but maybe it would have been harder without all the stuff that happened in between as a result of the Lucy romance) and that’s growth baby!

as for her acting ‘dumb’ and goofy, whistler’s greatest hits (paraphrased):

1x07: the entire opening scene right in front of Ernie's coffee, like ladies its barely 9 in the morning 

1x09: “i want to be intimate” “here???” 

1x11: "i like this" "the coffee? its fair trade." "so i think i win the dumbass award." "yes...no! NO!"

1x14: “creds... that’s what all the cool agents say :)”

1x17: “the source of the attack was some sort of pineapple” “like the fruit?” (also forgetting she never apologized to Lucy)

1x20: while looking like a beaten bloody piñata “I’m fine just some bruises...and some minor head trauma...” “i did not have Lucy surf quotes on my bingo card today” 

1x21: “about the power of love!” -silence- “...anyway i think that’ll help us get through to David” (we were all raving about this scene and how cute it was, but we don't want to acknowledge all the work it took to get here?)

The writers have been showing it all season, this is just who she is the more you get to know her, not liking it is different than ooc

Kate just sucks at talking and processing her emotions on the spot and can’t always immediately formulate a response right away whether you’re her boss or her colleague or her ex girlfriend (she ghosted a girl for months for god’s sakes which is probably honestly where most of the ‘this feels ooc for Kate’ criticism comes from and it’s hard to blame anyone for that because wth Kate, but it also serves as the biggest indictment of how her lack of social skills has effected her life and now it’s finally catching up to her)

a lot of people call Whistler rushing in without thought or backup to be ooc, and while they’ve shown that she’s smart and good at thinking things through (figuring out a way to help the team in 1x06, with the Clark Lohan thing in 1x10, using David's wife’s fate as leverage to get through to him in 1x21), that’s been behind the scenes we never saw her do field work during her stint at the DIA so there’s nothing really to base the ooc claim on, the first time we see her in the field is in 1x17 (she only transferred to the FBI 3 episodes ago) when she rushes in and Lucy has to stop her so it’s not out of the ordinary for her to do something similar in 1x20 at Agent Jones’s house, Whistler in the office and Whistler out in the field are different because they’re different environments entirely (and she’s new to the field)

i dont think the people calling Whistler ooc for acting goofy and socially inept would call her ooc for turning down a promotion anywhere from 1x06-1x13 to stay close to Lucy after early Whistler was billed as ambitious and career-driven (but i guess it’s different because it’s romantic without being awkward...), if we’re going to throw that term out there we should examine all her actions that way not just the one’s we maybe don’t like 

you can criticize the writing and the show all you want we all have different opinions we’re not all going to agree on how good Whistler’s development has gone, but i don’t think it’s fair to say any public grand gesture or Kate acting ‘dumb’ is completely out of left field, yes she was more cold and distant and mean earlier (and maybe you preferred that way more) but as the show has progressed you get to see a different more shy, uncertain, dorky side of her and that's not ooc that's just how humans are

she’s been slowly stepping out of her comfort zone all season and Lucy’s influence on her has inspired her to finally make a running jump into the deep end to win her back because she loves her and that’s how much she means to her (my favorite post about the grand gesture written before we knew it was a singing gesture LOL) that's the whole point isn't it? the power of love! has changed Whistler! she's never felt this way about anyone before and is clearly woefully inexperienced in love, she misses Lucy and wants to win her back no matter what so she's willing to listen to anything and do anything to show her she's all in and wants to be with her and only her! love makes us do crazy things, but it makes sense after a season of pain and regret

unfortunately for some people, Kate also happens to be less competent socially so that’s going to manifest in truly awkward (and secondhand embarrassing) ways, but she’s always been capable of this because she’s a multifaceted character and the writers have been showing us that

[randomnameless]

That is racist of Dheginsea. Othering the children who aren’t responsible for their parents choices and demonizing them so they have no place to go, and so those children end up with resentment to the Laguz for the way they’re othered and treat. Not to mention it wouldn’t stop Laguz from willingly being with a Beorc despite the consequences, which further leads to both sides hating the other. Of course the narrative of how both sides wrote history to say they alone are descended from the Zunanma rather than admit both are closely related sub species itself furthers the othering as well, as it means there’s no reason to view the other species as deserving to exist when they’re the Goddess chosen people.

I think Dheginsea at least meant well, but he never truly considered the idea that his actions to preserve his species at the cost of a new species(as that’s what the Branded are) caused the same problems he feared for an even smaller minority.

No pbs anon!

That's why I really really really hate the Tellius situation, it's a "divide by 0" equation where no matter what, some people will be screwed at the end.

And that's the issue!

Of course protecting a minority from being persecuted is an obvious step on a path to protect everyone - but it's the ultimate railroad dilemna where you have to choose who is going to be rolled over.

Sadly I've tried to find the chapter from which the Misaha quotes were ripped off on SF but it's not from the endgame?

It's those lines :

"Misaha: All of the apostles have borne this brand. It is our greatest secret. The senators must never know. Because of this brand, I thought that I had been born of some great sin. It plagued me always. Guilt tore at me every day as I hid my mark from my people, deceiving them constantly about my true nature. Lehran: Oh, child...how can I apologize to you? Misaha: And yet, now that I’ve met you, I understand. There is no shame in my heritage. None at all. I will not live in hiding. I will reveal to the world that I am one of the Branded. They must see there is no shame in who I am."

Misaha thinks she was born from a "great" sin because of her brand, most likely hearing the stories of Deghinsea about brandeds being "parentless" children and "sins against the goddess".

But why is Lehran apologising here?

Is he apologising because he participated in that lie, or more twisted- Lehran apologises because if Misaha has a brand and cannot pass as a beorc in Begnion, it's because of "him" for not being a beorc? Is Lehran actually apologising for being born a laguz?? For befriending Altina and getting their first kid?

Granted, when Lehran has his breakdown because of chaotic energies before making the decision to erase both Laguz and Beorcs, it goes like this :

Dheginsea: “You, who have lost your birthright?”

Misaha: “And yet, now that I’ve met you, I understand. There is no shame in my heritage. None at all.”

Ashera: “In deference to you, I will place my faith in your kind one last time.”

Altina: “You… are the gentlest soul of them all, my sweet Lehran…”

Lehran: “Why? Why did I lose my power? Why? Why was my tribe stolen? Why, why, why?”

More than 800 years later, Lehran is still "not over with" losing his powers. Lehran who is kind and gentle, but who wants to help - loses his birthright, he cannot fulfill his promise to Ashera anymore - thus cannot help - his descendant is proud to be, well, his descendant - but he cannot help/save her (as if he had the possibility anyways!) because he lost his powers - and Deghinsea who inadvertently (I think Deg had no malicious intent here) reminds him that he is powerless...

Imo, it encapsulates everything - there is nothing wrong about Laguz and Beorc accepting each other, but why the fuck Laguz lose their powers? ?

As for the lie in itself and crossbreeding...

What do you mean by "weren't taught properly"?

That's precisely the point of that lie, the truth, if taught to the world, would be unearable for both Laguz and, to a lesser extent, Beorcs. Like, telling the truth to Laguz? "Don't fuck Beorcs or you will end up losing your abilities forever" ? But for Beorcs it's just "you're free to fuck Laguz, you'll create another being with superpowers and cripple the laguz that way!"

(also, I think it is most likely taught around, there's the joke UST between Elincia and Tibarn, and Bastian cockblocks Tibarn because they remember this tale?)

Yes, each side think they are the ones who descend from the Zunama - instead of learning the truth of how they "both" descend from the Zunama, but if both sides try to return to, idk, Zunama roots and the original "we were both one" myth, well, one side loses all of its powers, while the other get away scot-free.

So, are they that "closely related" as sub-species as they are supposed to be, in one species "dies" when it breeds with the other? We know they are, as they both descend from the same "ancestor/species", but the result of the two breeding says the inverse.

Of course the lie wouldn't stop Laguz and Beorcs who like each other a lot to live together and get kids, but the Branded's sheer existence, regardless of Deghinsea's words and edicts, is something of an anathema to Laguz, as we see with Vika and Miccy's base convo :

Micaiah: You always run away from me… Did I do something to offend you? Vika: No, I’m so sorry. I can’t explain why this happens. I get so jumpy around you. There’s just… something about you. Micaiah: Oh… Vika: Oh, but please don’t be sad! It’s not you. It’s me. I get… confused… sometimes. I really admire you, and then I get a bizarre feeling, and… Micaiah: It’s all right. Sorry to bother you. Vika: …No. Wait. Micaiah: Hm? Vika: I want to overcome this. I don’t like that I feel I must avoid you for some inexplicable reason.

Why Laguz, in general, feel Branded are people "they must avoid"?

Is it because to Laguz, even subconsciously, a branded's existence means one of them "died"? Or in a more metaphysical sense, because Brandeds herald the end of the Laguz race (because if more brandeds are born, it means more laguz "die" ?)

Misaha didn't only want to end injustices and racism against the Branded, she wanted to stop racism in Begnion against Laguz (thus by proxy, against Brandeds).

In conclusion, Deginshea's lie created discriminations against Brandeds, but I think it's more nuanced than a general "to protect one race he put another under the bus".

When Soren goes :

Hate… That I could understand. This was denial. They made me feel like I wasn’t supposed to exist at all. That my simply being alive was an affront to the world.

It's painful to read, because no one should ever think they shouldn't have been born, or their mere existence is "an affront to the world".

Tibarn puts it this way, talking about "an old song" :

It is said that the goddesses forbid laguz and beorc to procreate. If a couple breaks the taboo, the punishment is dealt to the laguz parent. She or he loses the power of the laguz and becomes something that does not belong to either species.

Deghinsea created the "taboo" and the decree, but he wasn't the one who created the "punishment".

Heck, the punishment is the reason why the "taboo" was created, to reduce the number of "punished" people, but also, and maybe, to find a reason why those "punishments" are given?

The sitation becomes unbearable : we have people who are shunned hated and at times even killed for "existing", and we have people who "die"/lose their abilities/are "punished" automatically when the first people mentionned start to exist (iirc Almedha lost her powers when she became pregnant).

For what it's worth, per Nasir, both Beorcs and Laguz came to accept the concept of Deginshea's decree :

Nasir: Even so, the taboo was broken several times over the next few decades. Usually no child was conceived, but when there was, it was swiftly covered up. The parents soon learned what it meant to bear a child who possessed both laguz and beorc blood. After they learned of the consequences, none of these parents ever rejected the edict forbidding it.

Of course comes the obvious question of did anyone even thought about asking a Branded their opinion on that decree ? Miccy is part of that conversation too, and reacts when "honor killings" of brandeds are mentionned.

But afaik, we don't have Miccy's pov about that edict - after this conversation - and the game sure as hell doesn't want her to talk to Lehran (all of his convos are reserved for Sanaki!) - whose fault is it that Lehran lost his powers, thus direct line to the goddess, thus will to live? Hers because she was born (or her ancestor's)? His, for loving Altina? Whose fault is it that Brandeds are shunned? Deghinsea, who made that decree, or Laguz in general who can sense what they are and see through them the extinction of their race, or an unfair "punishment" from whoever ?

As always, with complicated questions, Ike is nowhere to be seen, but even without Ike, what would be the best solution?

Of course, stop persecuting and denying the existence of Brandeds would be a good start.

And then?

When Laguz and Beorcs will argue againt about something stupid, reject coexistence because, to Beorcs, Laguz are beings that "stop existing" as soon as they shag? And to Laguz, who will feel cosmically "cheated" because they are the only ones who receive "punishment" from miscegenation, to the point of thinking maybe Beorcs are really the superior race?

It's why Lehran's tale is so sad, he wanted coexistence but was punished for it by his very own world - why did he lose his powers?

What kind of solution can be found in a world that pushes for equality between races, but also reveals when they coexist, only one race is "punished"?

That's why I mentioned the divide by 0 equation -

The Tellius equation has no solutions.

[isagrimorie]

I just read a post about wanting shows to swing for the fences and to always subvert expectations.

And, you know fair! I also want shows to swing for the fences!

But reading 'subvert audience expectations' gave me such a knee-jerk flinch and horror flashbacks of all the shows since Game of Thrones that have done 'subvert your expectations' and liking maybe a handful, or less of all the times a show tried to 'subvert' my expectations.

(Game of Thrones is the prime example of Doing. Subvert Your Expectations. Wrong. Westworld is IMO, the second example. Nolan learned all the wrong lessons from Person of Interest and this is why, IMO-- Person of Interest is still way better than Westworld.

And then, for a time there were shows and movies playing the 'subvert your audience expectations game' and I remember hating it because they were doing it wrong).

I'm great with a show just being able to do a lot but also I'm hoping for a show to do both.

There's been some talk about not wanting world and universe-ending threats. All. The. Damned. Time. And, I partially agree with that.

On the other hand, that was almost always the season finale end for Buffy and I didn't mind it.

But, I think, that's because there was room for stand-alone stories along with the universe/world-ending plots.

And, in that space, epic, swing for the fences stories were made.

Also, I 've now binged 911 (first of all why did no one talk about how this show has a variety of stories that's not just the procedural elements. THERE ARE HEIST STORIES IN THIS? C'mon guys, more than hot people and ships, that's my jam. There's halloween episodes? THERE'S ORIGIN STORIES???? Angela Basset and Casey McCall of Sports Night??? Jennifer Love Hewit and Chimney Han???). Also as far as I've watched there's only 18 episodes, long enough for the kind of stand alone character centric, relationship building stories and time to breathe, and some pretty ridic arc stories-- which yeah its a standard procedural but there's also a lot of swing for the fences episodes.

Person of Interest LOOKS like a standard procedural but it's a trojan horse for a fantastic cyberpunk ASI vs ASI story with brilliant character developments and relationships.

[edotfightme]

I hate this

It's a uniquely awful circumstance to be building a comparative list of your Ao3 fics for a uni project, only to find out that the ones you are proud of aren't even your top-rated fics.

If I have to see this data table, then so do you.

It's good enough quality that you can see it. For a bit of context, the higher up the story is on the list, the more recent and more proud of it I am. The greener the stat, the better it is concerning other fics. On the flip side, the redder the stat, the worse it is.

Now I would like to draw attention to these few works.

See that book whose stats are all in green? "I'm not a fucking nurse"?

I wrote that 3 YEARS AGO! Before I got good at writing. I wrote it during my dream smp phase where I was (in my opinion) almost peak cringe! Nothing will beat my year 7 Wattpad phase but my DreamSMP phase came close.

That book is my peak. I have not topped its stats since.

Then there is "How to Train Your Hoglin". I didn't even come up with the idea. I saw some animatics on it (I credited the animatics) and wrote a few chapters and then threw in the towel. IT IS MY SECOND MOST LIKED BOOK.

Now you may ask, "But Dot, what about the other minecraft one?" well the funny thing about that one, the 10,000 word one...

I don't fucking remember writing it.

I don't remember having anything to do with that book. I can't even remember what it is about. I look at the tags and I go "what the fuck is this?" That book has completely deleted itself from my memory. I wrote 10,000 words and I cannot remember a single one.

Then there is the book third to the top. I posted it on Tumblr as well a while ago. That book is my pride and joy, I am in love with that book. It was an original work that I wrote based on my nightmare and it is my child.

It is also second place for the least-liked book on my account.

And about the book at the top of the list? The one I posted here about a week ago? Well, I cross-posted it to Ao3 as well...

3 days ago.

HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS EVEN WORK ANYMORE????

At least that book I am somewhat proud of. A sequel in the works btw.

TL,DR: Don't put your AO3 works into a spreadsheet to compare them. You'll get depression and probably stage 4 cancer as well. Istg I'm gonna bleach my eyes after this.

[wildwormies]

Watching mom of a croc and choosing to make it evidence to the theory that wildlife is understudied in the WK world bc it’s the only way I accept Aviva being a bitch for once

[lewiscarrolatemybrain]

Hey yeah artists if you’re considering getting into a fandom for a series that takes place in a culture you’re unfamiliar with, I just wanna say: Don’t Do That To Yourself.

I have spent the last three hours researching Hanfu underwear just so I can draw one (1) goddamn work of fanart

Learn from my mistakes. Save yourself before its too late. Run away.

[bell-honey-well]

Time Travel

It aches my bones

The way I lived through

Sixteen,

Seventeen,

Eighteen.

I did it all wrong.

I did it all

So, so wrong.

[echosfloral]

(via Un sacrifice orchestré)

[insom-nom-nom-niatic]

That feeling when you already wrote something completely... and decided to post the first portion...

and then realize you don't like how you ended it... or the middle...

or the beginning...

and regret all your choices but have to follow through regardless of how cringy it makes you feel.

[g-kat423]

.

[madeliefschat]

Love blind us.

[celestialwrites]

saying ‘i love you’ without saying ‘i love you’ dialogue prompts

@celestialwrites for more!

♡ “to me, you are perfect.”

♡ "don't you realise? you are my world."

♡ "you brought me back to life."

♡ "the only way i know how to describe what i feel around you is home. i feel at home."

♡ "it's as if my entire life i have been sinking in a storm and you came and pulled me out."

♡ "you know i stayed for you, and frankly, i don't regret it one bit."

♡ "with the whole of my heart, i believe that together we are infinite."

♡ "i never intend on leaving you. you hear me? never."

♡ "thank you for being the shoulder i always needed, even when you hated me."

♡ "i can't live without you!"

♡ "never leave me, my heart couldn't bear it."

♡ "i've spent my whole life waiting for you."

♡ "consumed in darkness, you darling, were my light."

REBLOG TO SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL WRITERS!!<3

[neverendingford]

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