#i have another thing but ill save it for a separate post

[highoncatfood]

hi i give u . some teen au doodles bcuz. bcuuuzzz bcuz bcuz bc

wiki came up with this idea btw i jst drew it cuz...so silly...

also this. i love seth he is so fed up with them

[vampiretendencies]

fiending for something, might just be a meaning

summary; jj’s earned the Godforsaken punishment.

warnings; angst, some fluff, reader questions a lot

pairing; jj maybank x fem!reader

a/n; requests are open & guidelines are posted, gif and divider creds to owner. proofread, but may have mistakes.

“she’s just been pissing me off lately more than usual!”

jj’s prominent raspy voice echoed unknowingly. a billowed porch adorning the whole of the apartment. an apartment that both you and jj intermediately held in the palms of your hands. you keeping one job and jj getting hired and fired by multiple— but still … you made it here nonetheless. savings bursted through all for this.

a two bedroom, one bathroom apartment. creme-colored walls, resembling that of softness. hard wood floors, perfectly polished and swept cleanly. jj known living off of john b wasn’t ideal for the rest of his life, nor did he really have a place to call home.

determination striked jj at an alarming rate he was determined to prove to you that he could do this—that he would take part in purchasing his own apartment. with the one and only person he’d even remotely think of sharing it with. he was determined to give light to you desires— the exact moment you’d both turned eighteen, dating two years checked off, getting you own place together was practically in the cards.

just the thought of, having you whenever, wherever, however he wanted you.

what his girl wants, she gets.

you were aware that you had him wrapped around your finger, which is why it was bombarding you thoughts.

why were you pissing him off?

what could you possibly have done?

you’d been sat in the open space that would be living room, legs spread enough for the large box to fit between them. a cardboard box filled to the brim with decorations that were yours, that’s your take the time out to purchase. wether it be online or in store, you made positive that this home would be something memorable.

you were both so fucking proud.

and didn’t care who knew it.

so why is jj complaining to pope and john b right now?

he had to be much more small minded than you’d thought or he just simply didn’t care that you were overhearing him speak ill of you. there wasn’t much to the apartment now, an air mattress in the living room and only small items for separate rooms— what fit in your car really. because the moving truck with nearly all thrifted furniture would arrive later in the week. a box for the kitchen with utensils, a box for the bathroom with necessities, and same for the bedroom only decorations.

seemingly so, you are doing all the work. you’d pulled the boxes out of your car, yourself. sorted through things, yourself. jj simply toured john b and pope around the apartment, boasting and what not. and for the past hour they have been outside fucking around like children. so no you weren’t pleased at first with jj’s actions, but your elation for your first home helped it subside.

but now you are searing with frustration.

that smug fucker knew exactly what he was doing, letting you do all the heavy lifting and prancing around without a care in the world.

you’d wanted to share the joy of your first home with him and sulk in it, rather than feeling ignored, used and thrown to the side.

and he the nerve to say you pissed him off.

the walls are thin and the porch is connected directly the living room past the screen door, so there’s no way he couldn’t have known you heard that. no way.

“that’s just how she’s been lately man, i don’t know,” john b wisely chimes in.

“every time i ask her something she snaps.”

jj continues, and then you begin to simmer with the fact that maybe he’s talking about another she or her. but there is no other she/her that’s annoyed him enough to tell john b or pope about it, you just couldn’t resonate as to who jj could be talking about. you’d decided that he was gossiping about you, putting two and two together it was the only thing that made logical sense to you. making you doubt that maybe this isn’t what jj wanted, maybe you moved to fast.

either way, if jj wanted to brush past you.

you were going to do the same.

shortly after, you assumed they were tired of hearing jj’s complaints with a mix of mosquitos attacking them. it is then that you hear jj say “it’s our first night apart jb, don’t cry though i’m a phone call away.”

it is then that jj earns a playful smack to the back of his head. hand on the door handle presuming that he was caught up in there dismissal, inches away from entering the apartment.

“i’m a phone call away,” you mocked under your breath. echoes of hearing bye y/n in the distance. john b and pope knew you could hear well enough to say goodbye, how couldn’t jj?

sheer stupidity you’d thought.

were you jumping to conclusions?

did you miss something?

kie hasn’t been around enough lately for him to be conversing of her?

little did you know he was talking about kie, jj had been going on about her since she got a new boyfriend and the pogues as a whole haven’t seen her enough lately.

so what then ?

your thoughts are interrupted by the crouching of jj in front of you, whilst you continued to peer down a particular piece decor. a photo, you were cradled into jj’s lap— he pretended to lick your beeming cheek, and you pretended to push him away as if you didn’t like it, though he actually did end up licking you. you sneered at it, eyes glazing over at your boyfriends insensitive comments.

“baby!”

jj had yearned for you the third time, he’s on the floor now- feet pressing against yours whilst he sat, leg length to fit the box between you two. mirroring your stature. his head it tilted, try to read your movements— all you can muster is a glare towards jj.

intending on keeping your problems only, between the two of you. only.

what game is jj playing? was it that he wanted a place, and then waiting for the right moment to cut you loose?

“hm.”

you hummed, not willing to utter words. as the silent treatment is looming over him.

“alright, what’s the matter, you got that mean stare going on .. and it’s kinda hot i’m not complaining but ..” he trails off, hoping you would interject— performing hand gestures of surrender and all.

jj despised silence, and right now it’s thick and sauntering, he feels like he’s going to croak right here and now if you don’t say something. he sensed the change in your attitude the moment you didn’t greet him, in your usual cheeriness. the glint in your eye is gone, shoulders hanging low, lips pursed.

where did his baby go ?

jj longed to hear your saccharine voice. how your tongue would roll any time you talked, sometimes he thought you did it purposely just to have him aching uncontrollably for you. it was heaven sent, angelic and blissful, but it’s gone. and he’s desiring to hear the sensation. the way it rings beyond his ears and settles the entirety of his body.

“if i don’t know what’s wrong, i can’t help you baby.”

his manner was sweet, just above a whisper. living is not without you, so what would a world be living with his girl, if he could not live.

“then don’t”

you bite back, you’d normally feel guilty for even saying the slightest tragic word to jj. but you can’t help it, he’d said you pissed him off. so now you were going to give him a real reason to be pissed off. and since you were snappy in his eyes, you guaranteed to show him snappy. insulting you and then leaving the mess for you clean up. leaning your weight onto your hand, you aimlessly throw the picture frame back into the box, trailing to the sheet clad air mattress.

jj’s mouth ran dry, ashamed that he’s absolutely fucking clueless as to what he’s done this time. he ran the entire day through his head and couldn’t think of one thing he’d done wrong. he’d always been unfamiliar with how to deal with your moods, because he’s only known anger and fighting. and he’d be damned if he’d react that way with you.

he decided to let you have it.

maybe what you feel is valid, maybe not, but he knew better than to prod.

you’d wish there’d been a sofa here already, jj would be in for a sore back and no sleep tonight.

you aren’t that harsh .. maybe.

his lover, feet away, left him dumbfounded. he constantly avoided fights, and the fact that one has crept it’s way in he’s struggling to keep composure. falling to pieces at the seams.

besides the fact that’s it’s 8 pm, eternally meaning that you wanted nothing to do with jj. and he was aware of that simply removing your biker shorts that framed your figure so tastefully. you felt his eyes burning a hole in your back, whilst you crawled under the small throw blanket, facing the wall— knowing full well it wouldn’t be enough to keep you warm all night.

you should’ve just talked to him and all of this could’ve be solved … but you’d decided to be stubborn due to the running of jj’s mouth and the zero progress that was made in unpacking today.

his face was long, and there was a soft jut to his lip beginning to form. he followed you. a lost dog.

he didn’t even want to shower, because he could not bare it. he just needed to fucking touch you, he wanted your hands wandering his flesh as it would.

but he knows that you won’t.

he knows you.

jj has officially earned the damned silent treatment.

his holed up—green cargo shorts fall past his feet. sleeveless shirt thrown over his shoulder, landing God knows where. but what jj knew is that he was going to make certain that you speak to him. black boxers hugging his waste deliciously, he climbs in hoping for a miracle.

for all about five minutes jj keeps his distance, his side firm against the air mattress. your eyes are wide open— aligning the crème colored paint. though you aren’t facing him, you imagine the messiness of his blonde tousled locks and the sorrow in his crystal like eyes. jawline firm in distaste jj enters the flaming fire.

sneakily wondering his hand to your side, grasping it with besot and cravings. he squeezes it once to let you know he’s here and he squeezes it twice to let you know he needs you.

and you let him because you needed it too.

but you couldn’t accept it.

not after today.

you swat his hand away beneath the throw blanket, he wallowed in his last few touches as he slid his fingertips down your back.

the skin so velvet to the touch, tender and his.

it was his.

so he was defeated that he couldn’t have it.

“baby please, m’not gonna be able to sleep.”

he adjured, thirsting to even just kiss your hair.

but you never answered, and jj never slept.

spices of cinnamon filled your airway, your groggy mind pleased with the scent.

jj had something in mind to when you over, but not breakfast exactly. he was humming, a tune of pleasure playing from the speakers of his slim black iphone. jj walked to the closest store, mind racing pondering of all the possibilities of what would happen when he arrived home.

if you acted like that yesterday, who knows what he’ll get today.

the closest he’d gotten to you last night was an elbow in the rib cage, he’d hoped it was because of you being a restless sleeper and not that you were dreaming of mangling him in your sleep.

it took him all night to come up with his master plan, that you’d soon see.

the anthem grew louder and so did jj’s singing, a lyric of something about … “i don’t even mind sharing oxygen, i just wanna get lost inside your lungs”

rays of the sun burning furiously, blinds really need to be implicated immediately.

jj purposefully cut onion for an ‘omelet’, on a paper plate—the past week of fast food, the paper plates were a must.

jj didn’t know how to make a fucking omelet and the cinnamon roles were prepackaged … obviously, it’s jj.

but he has a plan.

he side eyed your figure, standing from the air mattress, after neatly folding the throw blanket back in its place. spaghetti strap showing him all of what he pleaded to see but couldn’t have. panties pulled aimlessly to your waist, and he had to muster the courage to control himself.

“good morning! my pretty girl! m’making you breakfast!”

jj echoes but you proceed to stick to not answering. trailed to the bathroom where yours and jj’s tooth brush accompanied one another on the granite counter top. mint tooth paste beside it. you load the tooth brush, suds covering your mouth as you continue to hear the cycle of jj’s broad voice.

but then a “ow! son of bitch!”

jj saunter, implicating a image of hurt as he leaned his head to the cabinets, unwilling to face the embrace that was definite to come. you spit out the therabreath that was once swooshing around in you mouth, turning the corner of the bathroom, and making a b-line towards the kitchen.

was he hurt ?

pain was perpetually something that you always tried to prevent jj from.

thought you haven’t done a willingly decent job, he deserved the scolding silence in your opinion.

but not now.

not when he’s like this.

“c’mere j! let me see it!”

your eyebrows knit together, whilst you battened with him to see his hand. yanking and pulling him towards the sink to get cool water on the possible cut.

kitchen knives and jj were not a match.

thankfully though the cinnamon rolls were merely one third into its cooking session, those would not burn, so to speak. and clip slovenly clasped your hair, spun around delightfully. he inspected you closely, praising that you were in arms length.

your hands hooked around jj’s wrist, his heart thumping with each movement.

God, his deep devotion for you grew by the second.

he releases his hand to you after constant pulling, and your eyes are met with nothing. absolutely nothing, not a cut, not a scratch, not even a scuff. nails long and trimmed and bits of his skin of the sides that he’d bitten the last time he was away from you for two days.

“you ass! you lied!”

a shit eating grin is plastered onto jj’s features, whilst you bore at him with you eyes in disbelief but also eminently surprised that he came up with that on his own. you still had reason to be fuming, but as night passed you faltered.

and even through the stubbornness, you still longed for jj.

he quickly throws his arms around you from behind, trapping you.

because even in an empty apartment you two were somehow still going to be conjoined.

“sure did baby, had to hear your voice.”

“well this is the last time you’re hearing it … bastard!”

“i still got you to talk to me.”

and at that you heart drowned pitifully, you went to bed irate over something that could’ve been resolved.

you huff at the truth spinning on your feet to face jj, he’d then caged you in against the coolness of the marble patterned kitchen counter. he mindlessly taunted you with his plump lips, despite yesterday. you still urged to feel him beneath your fingertips, to engrave in your mind that he was fine. you poked at his arms, squeezing about. until you were bellowing forward. slowly enfolding your mouth with his, and to much his dismay he obliged. hands settling about the small of your back, thumb circling just eager to taste you.

gotta stick with this plan more often, he thought

“fuck.”

jj mumbled, mouth roaming and moving angrily with yours.

“i fucking love you, baby”

he pressed into the kiss, he needed you to digest those words, taste them, feel them in your bones, make your knees crumble beneath you. trying to keep up with your pace he pushed you flush against him, wrestling with your mouth speedily.

“now do you want to know why you earned the silent treatment?”

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hoodie, Masky, and Eyeless Jack when their partner asks for their mask!

I had a brain blast + yall already know I dont like not writing for a day <\3

I dont care if it's cold out I wanna learn how to make ice cream

EYELESS JACK:

the mask, at least in domestic settings is more so a comfort thing rather than a means to hide his identity. youre most likely to see jack without it compared to the other three.. early in the relationship if you asked for the mask, be it to wear it or to look at it he wouldn't give it to you. but later on i think he might be more open to you holding it.. just dont wear it, i dont think he would like that since he also ties the mask to his whole.. diet.. doesnt like the idea of you wearing a reminder of it you know? will let you clean it since sometimes he gets dirt and that black goop caked onto it.. he does appreciate it, and he makes sure he tells you that

MASKY:

between the three i think hes the most protective of his mask. like in a "i dont want you to touch it" kind of way and he is VERY firm about that. he doesnt care if you already know his face under it (as i tend to write masky and tim as separate characters and the same for hoodie and brian). he doesnt really explain why it means so much to him but that kind of aligns with him in general; he doesnt talk about himself much or open up.. really a lot of the stuff you know about him is learned from paying attention to his behaviors and stuff rather than him telling you... very high chance that youre never going to see him without the mask.. though you might be able to snag it when tim is in charge.. giving some ideas on what would happen if you were caught with it but this segment is getting too long, ill save it for another post

HOODIE:

i think hoodie is a little.. odd... i dont think hes as possessive of his mask as masky is, but i dont think hes as casual with it as jack is... maybe hes somewhere in the middle? i dont think he would let you clean his mask, he'd much rather handle that himself. mix of not wanting to have you deal with his mess + he doesnt know how to feel about you 'being in on' his work, at least indirectly..? but hes more likely to lift his mask to show his face to you, especially if you guys are cuddling... he loves pressing kisses onto you and you cant really do that with a face covering.. really asides from the cleaning thing the only rule he has is that you cant run off with the mask since its his only one and he needs it for his 'work'

[spicyvampire]

Okay so after the whole Sakuna/Wansarut and Phaya/Tharn "characters description" fighter (protector)/healer+protector(mediator) post, now imma talk about about our resident Snake (PhD), Doctor Chalothorn being a fighter and well how do you convince a fighter to not fight?

I've already made a whole gifset about this but I needed to put the stuff into words cuz u just can't say everything in a gifset so this post is gonna be about a few things, first of all, the way Charlothorn's goals shifted in the last 2 episodes, from wanting to kill Phaya so he can have Tharn, to wanting to save Tharn and Phaya's end not really mattering anymore, and second of all Tharn's role in this shift and where have we saw something similar to this shift before aka Wansarut and Sakuna and how Wansarut even did that

Same disclaimer as the last one applies : pulling this out of my ass from watching the show, these are raw out-of-order thoughts, ill try my best to separate but like the last post because I'm going to have to go back and forth between Wansarut (love of my life, talking about Wansarut has to be my favorite activity rn), Sakuna, Tharn (smooching him smooching him), Phaya and Chalothorn this might get hard to follow but hey that's what it's like inside my brain so welcome to the mess

Putting it under keep reading

So like I said in the last post, Chalothorn is a fighter, like you can't get more fighter than this, the man is literally the prince/ruler of Nagas and he is right in the middle of the battle field anytime there is a fight to be had, and like I said in Sakuna's part of the post he is a level that can probably can only be rivaled by Sakuna's brother, you can't be a higher level of Naga fighter from what I understand, so like how do you fight this man if you are Wansarut and Sakuna? (ep. 8)

Keep in mind that : the answer is that they never were supposed to fight Chalothorn

SCENARIO 1 : Chalothorn wins

This is what we've seen in the show, Sakuna/Wansarut/Phaya/Tharn would never win against him in a fight because they just aren't strong enough to began with, Sakuna and his Garuda were not Chalothorn's level when he was alive, Wansarut is a healer/protector not a fighter, Phaya can only do ✨Sparkles✨ of Garuda powers as of rn and while Tharn can do some powerful protecting he is of the gang the person who is the less in contact with his past and magical self (other than for protecting Phaya magic, we have not even seen his Naga in this lifetime) and also his past self wasn't even a fighter, so it makes sense that Chalothorn just keep killing them and every single one of their reincarnations, he kills them so much that it was destroying his own soul (ep. 8) because surprise he is getting affected by the little cyclic karma thingy they got going on too, this isn't just about Wansarut/Sakuna and PhayaTharn, Chalothorn is trapped in this shit too

Clearly fighting is not the answer, because even if you win, which Chalothorn has been doing a lot of, you still lose, Chalothorn is losing control of his Naga form, not only does it destroy his soul (ep. 8) but he might just not be able to turn into his human form anymore aka would be forced to be a Naga forever (ep. 9)

Another lost of this is that he keeps losing Wansarut and having to wait for the cycle to start again so he would get another chance, like the level of psychological damage getting done to him because he kills the one he loves and he is always left behind alone to wait is enough to drive anybody insane (ep. 11)

And I think that's one of the reasons why it took him so long to understand that he should let Wansarut/Tharn go, because when you do something so despicable and keep doing it over and over again you have to justifies your bad actions to yourself so you don't break and the more you justifies them the harder it becomes to see clearly through them, so you just keep doing it, like Chalothorn probably hates himself more than he even hates Phaya or love Tharn at this point because he keeps killing reincarnations of Wansarut, like this is his reaction to killing Wansarut the first time, falling to his knees screaming and everything (ep. 8), the cognitive dissonance in that man's brain must be insane

SCENARIO 2 : Phaya wins

Now let's imagine for a second there that they did win, Phaya succeeded in killing Charlothorn, and then what? Isn't Charlothorn just gonna reincarnate and come back for them again? Like yes it might take some times but it will happen, and then Phaya and Tharn would be the one destroying their souls and making their karma worst, that's just not a solution

Also we saw with Narong's case part of the show that "victim turned attacker" is not the answer (anyways that's what the show says), when Tharn and Phaya are talking to the abbot at the end of episode 5 the abbot keep repeating that over and over again killing is not the answer

When Phaya Says "Those victims are left with no choice but to fight back in order to survive. They have to kill." The abbot answers "The basic code of moral conducts for human beings like us is the 5 precepts. One should be abstained from killing other living beings. These precepts can bring peace and happiness to your family and the society. Undertaking the 5 precepts will benefit not only yourself but also the people around you." Basically straight up telling them that [not killing] is the only answer that will bring peace to everyone

Also so many parallels can be made between Narong and Chalothorn (which is probably why it was easy for Chalothorn to possess Narong to attack Phaya but let's not get into that), because like isn't this Chalothorn? (ep. 5)

His mind is so clouded by anger and wanting to kill Phaya and getting Tharn that he is obsessed with it, he literally do not see anything else, specially if Phaya is in the room and/or mentioned, like I said a bit higher in this post, he hates Phaya, but he probably hates himself too, and so much hate and anger just blinds people

Also sidenote that I'm not really gonna dive into : How do you think Tharn would feel about Phaya killing Chalothorn, knowing what u know about him? like Tharn loves Chalothorn as a friend, and that's even if Chalothorn is responsible for all the bad things in his life (ep. 12)

Tharn may be looking at Chalothorn saying this but he said "Please stop killing each other." he could not be more clearly talking to both of them, he doesn't want Chalothorn to kill Phaya but he also doesn't want Phaya to kill Chalothorn

SCENARIO 3 : Tharn Wins

Now lemme say this, you can literally never convince a fighter by fighting him, like if you've ever had a fight/argument with someone you know that you cannot reach a compromise in the heat of the fight when everyone is angry and losing the control of their emotions, it just doesn't work, but what does work in the context of the show?

Wansarut and Sakuna

And now I'm back to Wansarut (<3<3<3<3<3<3) and Sakuna because well Wansarut did change a fighter's mind before already, this is part of Wansarut's power that's why I also describe Wansarut as a mediator, and what did Wansarut do exactly?

Well Wansarut healed Sakuna, even if he is from the enemy side, and took care of him and acted in a way that was protective of him, even if again Sakuna is an enemy of Wansarut's people (literally brother of the Garuda king) because that Wansarut's character, Wansarut is a healer/a protect/a mediator that's how Wansarut fights (ep. 8)

Then Wansarut tough Sakuna about Naga culture (Naga offering and breathing fire to pay respect to Buddha, on the 15th nigh of the 11th waxing moon)

And while being in love with each other did facilitate this change of view in Sakuna (which would later turn him a bit into a protector of Wansarut), you really do not need to be for this to work, like the best way to change people views on some things truly is just to expose them to the thing from the POV of the people living it, when nobody is in any immediate danger

And that is exactly how Tharn succeeded in convincing Chalothorn that the love between Phaya and him is good, by being there for Chalothorn and taking care of him, and being patient, until Chalothorn was ready to let him go on his own, not in the heat of of fight when everyone is angry and putting the blame on each other, which was again so healer/ protector/mediator of him like I talked about in my other post

Tharn and Chalothorn : the final

So with Wansarut and Sakuna we saw how Tharn could change Chalothorn's mind and what really does work, now imma dive into the last 2 episodes of this show aka the shift in Chalothorn

So in episode 6, Chalothorn says this

And at that time I think those words were true cuz that's literally what he has been doing isn't it? Like everytime he lost, both Wansarut and Sakuna's reincarnations died, so he was "okay" with killing Wansarut, as long as it meant that Sakuna was also dead and they weren't together (crazy way to fight cognitive dissonance if you ask me) but then something changed around episode 11 because Chalothorn started saving Tharn even if Phaya was still alive? (Ep. 11) (ep.12)

The importance of Chalothorn saving Tharn those 2 times, is that 1) now Tharn knows what the fuck is going on and 2) (like I said in the other post) Tharn end up understanding that Chalothorn can be talked too and reasoned with (the abbot would call it enlightenment), because in that 2nd saving he told Chalothorn to not kill Montee, and Chalothorn listened

Sidenote : Wansarut also did tell Chalothorn to not kill Sakuna and Chalothorn did listen that time too, like Wansarut has a BIG influence on this man (wish we saw their relationship before the mess), the only reason why the fight did continue was because Sakuna did not let Wansarut go

Why did he listen then? because he loves Wansarut, it really is as simple as that, and that's why he also listened to Tharn with Montee, because our chronically involuntary celibate man is head over dick for Tharn (valid and relatable)

So remember when I was talking about cognitive dissonance and stuff, well by ep 12, Chalothorn cannot justifies killing Tharn anymore, he is tired, he is turning into a Naga, and he cannot stand seeing another reincarnation of Wansarut die again, but most importantly he cannot stand to see Tharn die by his own hands

It's easy to concentrate on Phaya's distress in this scene but Chalothorn is in as much distress as Phaya, you can hear Chalothorn's voice break when Tharn is dying in both Phaya and his arms after asking them to stop killing each other, they are both screaming Tharn's name, and this time Chalothorn just listen because this is too much, his hatred for Phaya is just not important anymore, killing Phaya is just not as important anymore because anyways Tharn did choose him didn't he? isn't that what he wanted? even if Tharn clearly is in love with Phaya, Tharn did choose to come with him, so in a way none of this shit even fucking matters anymore

So for the 3rd time, he saves Tharn, this time by literally giving Tharn his soul so he would live (wish we saw him breaking down over Tharn dying in his arms in the Naga caves until he ended up giving Tharn his soul tbh), Chalothorn chooses to save a life instead of ending one and thus ending the curse on his part

[inhuman-obey-me]

Thinking about Lilith and why she brought her lover back with the divine fruit. Cause for all intents and purposes they probably would've just gone to heaven. I mean, if anything Lilith would just have to scoop up their soul and up to heaven they go. But, what if the way her lover died was so horrible and grievous that Lilith panicked and brought down the divine fruit. what if this is the first time Lilith saw someone die.

There are a few parts to this, but as a quick first clarification -- Lilith would not be scooping up anyone's soul haha. We know there are reapers, such as Thirteen, and their job is to scoop up the souls and...well, it's not exactly clear what happens to the souls from there.

(Nightbringer spoilers through Lesson 12 below the cut)

Of course, presumably they should be going to heaven/hell, but we've never actually had that confirmed, beyond a sarcastic comment from Lucifer implying that death would mean going back to the Celestial Realm. But for all we know, the Celestial Realm could be for only angels to live in, with "heaven" for dead souls being something completely separate and inaccessible to them. Or, oddly enough for what seems to be a mostly Christianity-based universe, there's also been at least one mention of rebirth -- though again, that's not actually explained in depth, so that could be something exclusive to immortals?

As to whether this is the first time Lilith has seen someone die, another slight clarification -- her lover had not actually died yet when she brought the fruit. What happened was that he fell gravely ill and was going to die, and the fruit essentially stopped that illness, preventing his death rather than bringing him back from the dead.

Now, with those things clarified, we think she was probably familiar with the concept of death, but yes, it would make sense that this is the first time someone she personally cared about was going to die. And from what we can tell, souls don't just chill in the Devildom or Celestial Realm after death with the demons and angels. Thinking back to the times MC has been sent back to the Celestial Realm of the past, MC is just assumed to be a lost angel each time, and the possibility of being a dead human's soul doesn't even occur to any of them. When Belphie thinks that MC seems to be a human, his brothers immediately dismiss the idea outright.

Considering that, it seems supported that the Celestial Realm, or at least where the angels live, is only for angels, not dead souls, and likely vice versa. That being the case, the death of Lilith's lover would have been very much like death as we humans understand it -- gone forever, apart from us. Furthermore, Lilith is an immortal angel, so unlike when we imagine that souls may meet again after death, she would never die like a human, and thus would never go to that same post-death place! So rather than thinking of it as him being in the Celestial Realm with her, it may have been more like they would never meet again.

However, it may actually be overcomplicating things to try to think all the post-death stuff through. At the end of the day, it is simply not easy to watch someone you love die from illness. It's a very natural reaction to want to help them. It could very well just be that Lilith hated seeing someone she loved suffering in pain from this illness, knew she had the power to do something about it, and chose to go ahead and do it, consequences be damned. Like, at this point, we have seen her described as someone who was unafraid of anyone, to a strange and arguably borderline stupid extent -- this is the same angel who just bluntly told Michael to his face that he reminded her of a jellyfish. She was bold.

Considering that aspect of her personality, it would make total sense if she simply decided that she wasn't afraid of the potential consequences from their father and just did what she wanted, which was to save her beloved.

In an interesting bit of hypocrisy, however, we did learn in Nightbringer Lesson 12 that Lilith, like Solomon, actually argued that humans were better than they were given credit for, and that angels and demons shouldn't be interfering with them!

With that in mind, it's highly ironic that her downfall was actually for directly interfering with a human's life for the sake of extending it. Though, did Solmare think that fully through before deciding that she shared that view? Who knows.

[utilitycaster]

Bells Hells, Level 9

Disclaimers as per usual: If I said something incorrect or left out something significant, corrections are welcome and encouraged. If I simply did not expound upon every single possible choice open to a character; if my opinions on mechanics differ from yours; or if you have wild speculation, please make your own post.

Blood hunter info is taken from the D&D Beyond content, which is subject to change, so don’t @ me if it does.

Everyone's proficiency bonus is now +4, which affects skill checks, proficient saves, and attacks. Non-multiclassed full spellcasters (FCG and Imogen, assuming neither multiclass) get fifth level spells.

In general, ninth level is an important but not terribly exciting one, in that 5th level spells are a big leap up and it's a proficiency bonus increase level, but it's fairly quiet in terms of class or subclass features. The multiclassers are the most interesting part here.

Also: now that level ups are done as separate little bits rather than teasers at the end of episodes, I'm introducing a "Looking forward" note at the end to speculate on L10 and beyond, since, for example, the version of this post in my drafts had my recommended ASIs for Chet and Fearne but no one got to see them until after the fact.

Chetney: By taking a level in blood hunter - his 8th in that class - he gets an ASI, which Travis took as stat bonuses to INT and STR. This is honestly what I would have recommended; he's now got a +3 to intelligence, easily the smartest in the group; and a respectable +4 to strength, his main attack stat. Looking forward: Honestly, who knows what the story will bring narratively...but blood hunter is a really good class and higher level rogue abilities just don't do a ton for Chet. Anyway, Blood Hunter 9 gives you one of my favorite abilities ever, Grim Psychometry, in which you have advantage on knowledge checks (and possibly even cool visions) for places and objects with tragic or dark pasts.

Laudna: Laudna took a level in sorcerer, which means she gets a Hound of Ill Omen, a dire wolf-like beast of darkness she can summon to attack a particular person. She also learns 2 more spells and gains another sorcery point. I would strongly advise she take Counterspell, given that she tends to lean more towards low-level utility than Imogen's attacks (and, let's face it, eldritch blast is better than most sorcerer damage spells). Looking forward: Personally, from a purely mechanics perspective, I think leveling in warlock would be more interesting from here on out. Sorcerers just...don't get much outside of spells from levels 7-14, and Laudna's feats and existing metamagic and the fact that there's another sorcerer in the party mean some variety would be fun and welcome (and warlock levels 4-6 are really good), but I get the appeal of Hound of Ill Omen for sure.

FCG: FCG gains access to 5th level spells and can prepare one more spell! Greater Restoration and Raise Dead are now available to them, which is pretty game-changing, and I'd love to see Sam try out Commune to get some actual answers from the Changebringer. He also gets two domain spells, which are unknown since it's a homebrew class. Looking forward: Cleric's just a really solid class! I'm interested to see how divine intervention works on a cleric who is still finding their god, and please get that WIS score up to a +4 at L12.

Fearne: Fearne leveled in druid, which means she also gets an ASI and has maxed out her casting stat of wisdom - this in turn means she can prepare two more spells than before (one from the higher druid level and one from the higher casting stat). She also gets the ability to wildshape into flying creatures, up to challenge rating 1. Looking forward: I would really not pursue rogue any further; Wildfire druid is just such a great class. Things to look forward to: at L9 druid (L10 overall) she'll get 5th level spells including Mass Cure Wounds as a circle spell; at L10 druid she'll get a cool bonus to damage or healing as a class feature; and at L11? Pick a tree.

Imogen: Imogen learns one new spell, which can be up to 5th level, and gains a 5th level spell slot and a sorcery point. She gets Telekinesis and Rary's Telepathic Bond as subclass features. As for her new spells: given the loss of the skyship, teleportation circle would be a good one to have on hand. Greater Invisibility would also be a strong choice. Looking forward: As noted with Laudna, there's not a ton going on until L14, but she does get a new metamagic ability next level (subtle spell feels very thematically appropriate), and I would in fact enjoy seeing Imogen cast Chain Lightning very much when she gets 6th level spells at L11.

Orym: Orym gets Indomitable, which allows him to reroll a failed saving throw and use the new number. Looking forward: 9's a quiet level for him but the next few are big ones. He gets two more battle master moves and his superiority dice go up to d10s from their current d8s; 3rd attack is at L11; and he gets another feat at L12, and I would love to see Mage Slayer.

Ashton: Ashton gains brutal critical, meaning that they can roll an additional weapon damage die when they crit. Looking forward: level 10 is a subclass level, so who knows, but I'm excited to find out!

[imogenkol]

— WIP WEDNESDAY

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It’s Wednesday my dudes. have a snippet of this OG thing I’ve been freshening up. I might post the rest of it within the next couple weeks, but for now enjoy the girls having a totally normal coffee date :)

“So, Jay,” Nadya said coyly, lifting her steaming mug of coffee up to her lips for a quick sip, “Is this a date?”

Jayde released an amused breath as she scanned the humble cafe before settling back on her with a crooked grin. “What else would it be?”

The irresistible warmth of her brown eyes reflected the string lights that hung in the window they sat by, adding a twinkle to her next lighthearted words. “Well, you did try to pass it off as a stakeout, but I’m not so sure it is.”

Nadya only teased to relieve some of the tension. They were on a stakeout. Jayde had received word of hunter activity a mere few towns away from The Lodge. Far too close for comfort. If it were up to her, Jayde would have come by herself and dealt with the situation before it got out of hand, but even she knew when to approach a problem a little more tactfully. Besides, she would draw too much attention on her own. Two young women enjoying coffee together? Couldn’t get more normal and inconspicuous than that. 

Which was why the two of them had been there all morning, seated by the window with the best view of the main street. Though, Jayde also kept a very watchful eye on every customer that came and went. Anyone could be an enemy.

Nadya didn’t serve only as cover. Stakeouts could take days and Jayde could hardly stand being separated from her for hours. Surely it wasn’t so bad to utilize some of the downtime to enjoy her company.

“You caught me,” Jayde replied with a smooth sarcastic timbre, crossing her arms on the table and leaning in. “I made up the hunters so I could drag you to a random coffee shop an hour and a half away. Figured you were bored with the one at home.”

Nadya leaned in, too, and matched the wolf’s smirk. “You’re so romantic.”

Jayde eyed the display case of freshly made pastries and various other baked goods by the front counter, the scents of which were almost nauseatingly sweet, but no less enticing. “How about I buy you a piece of pie to make up for it?”

One of Nadya’s brows shot up in intrigue. “You really know your way to a woman’s heart, Jayde Thatcher.”

“Proud to say that I know yours very well,” she replied with a wink and got up.

Jayde made her way to the counter and returned the barista’s warm smile and greeting. She had learned enough not to have to rely on her heightened senses in order to tell if a stranger was genuine or not, but Jayde always found it more difficult to discern when it came to customer service workers. It impressed her. If Jayde had to deal with ill mannered stupidity every day for hours on end, she would not have the patience to maintain a happy-go-lucky act in the slightest. 

The boy manning the espresso machine behind the woman taking her order didn’t seem to have that particular talent, either. He grumbled profanities under his breath and hit every visible button, but the machine only stuttered and grumbled in response.

Jayde ignored it and motioned to the display case as she fished a few bills out of her pocket. “I’ll take a slice of the pecan pie.”

The barista accepted the money, her grin still present even when another coworker groaned loudly as they swooped in to save the — no doubt expensive — espresso machine from further abuse. “We could warm it up for you, if you’d like?”

“Sure, sounds great,” Jayde answered, dropping her change in the tip jar and returning to her table.

“What’s the plan if we find hunters?” Nadya asked as soon as Jayde sat back down.

The blonde shrugged and took a swig from her mug. “Depends on how many there are. If it’s only a few, I can take care of it. If it turns out to be a big group, we’ll have to go back to The Lodge and figure out a plan to lead them away.”

The human’s expression grew a bit dark. “By take care of it, you mean…”

“Nadya, you know I can’t let hunters be this close to us.”

“I know,” she said quickly and gripped her mug in both hands. “And I know what these people do. I’m not trying to argue against it.” 

“You don’t have to be involved,” Jayde assured her. 

“I already am,” Nadya said quietly.

Jayde didn’t realize until that moment that Nadya was right. The concept hadn’t even crossed her mind. Killing hunters had become second nature to her after so many years of survival. Jayde hated them. She hated the constant threat they posed to her family. Wiping a hunter out of existence was just as easy as getting rid of any pest. But regardless of how she felt about it, the truth was it was still taking a life. Nadya preserved life. It went against her nature to cause harm. Jayde loved her for that. The fact that she unintentionally made her complicit felt like a worse offense than murder, and it hadn’t been the first time.

Jayde shook her head and stared down at the contents of her mug in shame. She felt so selfish for taking her human girlfriend on such an endeavor instead of Toby or even Skye. “Fuck, I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought you with me.”

“No, no,” Nadya said quickly and rested her hand on Jayde’s. “I chose to come. I want to help keep home safe – keep you safe, I just… I guess I’m still trying to accept everything that comes along with that.”

A very brief smile tugged at the corner of Jayde’s mouth. She appreciated the bravery it took for someone like her to be a part of this, but also understood the grim reality that Nadya must come to terms with about the life she now had to live. Half of Jayde was shocked it hadn’t scared the human away from her yet.

“I know,” Jayde said solemnly. 

“Here’s your pie,” a young male voice interrupted. 

Jayde looked up to see the boy who struggled with the espresso machine place a plate down between them, along with utensils and napkins. He seemed in better spirits now, but he still avoided their gazes with a reddish tint to his soft features. Jayde heard the thrum of his heartbeat and felt a small measure of pity for his embarrassment. 

“Thank you,” Nadya said warmly with a grateful smile. The boy nodded and walked away. Then she addressed Jayde. “Let’s pause the morality talk for some pie, yeah?”

Jayde laughed at the lighthearted suggestion and the playful look on Nadya’s features as the girl dug in. “Pie beats morality every time.”

Nadya chuckled and shook her head, but still shrugged in agreement. She speared another bite onto her fork before she even finished chewing the first. “You want some of this? It’s pretty good.”

“Sure,” Jayde accepted and reached for her own fork.

As soon as her fingers made contact, a violent burst of white-hot pain assaulted her skin. It shocked her enough that she dropped the fork unceremoniously and sent it clattering against the ceramic plate and onto the wood table with a few loud clangs. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw startled heads snap in their direction from around the entire cafe. Nadya jumped a bit in surprise, too, and stared at Jayde in question.

The werewolf had about half a beat to understand and react. The fork was silver. It had been intentionally placed as a trap to expose her. There were no doubts within her mind. Somewhere in the shop, a hunter had their eyes on her. 

Jayde would not give them the satisfaction. The encounter had to be on her terms. She needed to pretend the slip up had been a regular case of mundane clumsiness. 

With a shake of her head and a light laugh, Jayde met Nadya’s confused gaze and forced herself to pick up the fork again.

Agony flared across her entire hand as if she had reached into a furnace to pull the utensil out. Jayde dealt with silver fairly often, but never so voluntarily. No matter how many times she endured direct contact, she just never got used to the unique burn of it. Seconds ticked by like minutes as it felt like her skin was being flayed off with a molten knife. It took all of her willpower to keep a calm expression. 

“It’s okay,” she told Nadya quietly through clenched teeth, trying to keep her hand from trembling as she speared a bite of the pie. “It’s silver.”

Nadya’s eyes widened as she glanced down at her hand in alarm. “What are you –?”

“Relax,” Jayde instructed. She placed the bite in her mouth, careful not to come in direct contact with the silver more than she had to, and set the fork back down. The relief was so immense after she let go that she almost slumped in her chair with a heavy sigh. “What coffee shop has genuine silver utensils?”

Jayde saw Nadya’s swift thought process put it together in hardly a second. She put on a calm façade just as quickly and casually took another bite, though the sudden scent of her fear caused the wolf in Jayde to stir protectively. “What do we do?”

“Just finish our stuff,” Jayde answered plainly and tried to hide her injured hand. “Then we’ll take a walk and see if anyone follows us.”

“Your hand,” she said and reached across the table. Her fingers gently wrapped around Jayde’s wrist and subtly twisted her palm upwards to inspect the damage with a glance. In an effort to pass it off as flirtation, she caressed all the way up Jayde’s forearm and picked off a loose thread from her jacket. It wasn’t all an act. Jayde felt the underlying effects of her genuine comfort.

Jayde flashed an easygoing smile and shrugged. “It’s nothing.”

A quick grimace of concern came across Nadya’s face and Jayde guessed it wasn’t only for her hand. The stakeout suddenly became very real. Jayde’s own fear for her beloved human’s safety gripped her heart in a vice, but she pushed it aside in order to stay focused. 

The two of them continued on as if nothing was wrong, hoping to throw the hunters off. Jayde still felt a deep unease at the back of her mind that grew steadily by the minute. It told her they definitely hadn’t gone unnoticed or completely diffused suspicion. Eyes were on them and it took more than a little self control not to look.

Once they finished up, Jayde nodded and they casually headed towards the exit. Again, she felt those eyes on her back, scrutinizing their every movement. Her spine prickled.

She pulled Nadya close and instructed her quietly, “Do not leave my side unless I tell you to.”

“Wasn’t planning on it,” the human replied and laced their fingers together.

[ashsostrange]

i’m (not) sorry to say, but miles is better off by himself.

idk if i’ve ever written a post this long, but i got energy tonight. y’all have been sucked into the black hole of shipping, so let me ground you and remind you of this amazing thing called being single. i’m gna talk ab margo and gwen, but mostly gwen bc she’s obv miles’ (main) love interest. i’ve said more than enough about why miles and gwen don’t work/make sense. if you wna be enlightened then feel free to click the links.

thoughts on ghostflower: here!

reblogging a moot's post w/ added thoughts: hereee!

i love ranting so let’s get it! 😛

i don't have much to say about margo bc sadly, she's barely there. what i will say though is that as cute as miles and margo would be together, there’s one more movie left lol. the third movie’s gna be busy as hell. there’s literally no time for romance, and to rush miles and margo (two people who just met) into liking each other in, like, a three hour timespan would just be terrible writing. plus, we all know she’s there for some bs having to do with miles nd gwen, which is literally soooooooo very lame, words can't describe. one, where are you finding the time to cram in jealousy/all this angsty romance mess when miles’ dad is ab to die and the universe is ab to collapse bc of a nigga that looks like the lovechild of a cardboard box and a cow?? two, is this really all margo is here for?? to make gwen jealous or “help miles realize he’s in love with gwen” ?? shameeee, like summer said. 😐 i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: margo could be SO much more than a disposable love interest!!!

gwiles/ghostflower fans, i’m going to tell you something that will make you upset. i said i was coming for you and i meant it 🗣️‼️

before you yell at me and push smoke out of your ears, i need you to put your right hand on your chest and close your eyes. you feel your heartbeat? good. now, count to three while taking deep breaths and remember that none of this shit is real so you’d look stupid af trying to attack me. 🙃 some of y’all are getting TOO comfortable being unnecessarily disrespectful and ion like that lol. don’t try it here bc i’m on another level of not gaf!

listen, even if (when?) gwen and miles team up to save his dad, it won’t change the fact that gwen was keeping some hefty info from miles, yo. she was smiling in jeff’s face and cracking jokes like she didn’t know he was bout to die. y’all gotta be so very real with yourselves. you wouldn’t wna date, let alone be FRIENDS with someone who kept something that big from you, regardless of the circumstances or lack of ill intent. one of the most important people in your life concealing the fact that you’re about to lose another important person in your life is insane.

i’m aware that gwen didn’t tell miles about his dad because she genuinely thought it’d cause mass destruction if he saved jeff. thing is, even if miles knew that, i think he’d still feel betrayed. that’s 100% valid because this is his dad we’re talking about. he just lost his uncle not too long ago, too. i wouldn’t blame miles if he never wanted anything to do with gwen again. i wouldn’t blame bro if he got sick to his stomach every time he saw her. it’d be justified, bc if he never followed her that night, then he wouldn’t have had the chance to save jeff.

my point is that you can be a “good person” and still fuck up bad enough to make someone never wna speak to you again. miles is a sweetheart so he’ll probably forgive gwen. my thing is, miles forgiving gwen doesn’t mean the two of them are obligated to be friends again. they can handle it maturely, go their separate ways, nd never speak again. it’s really not even gna hurt y’all cuz it’s the last mf movie anyway??? 😭😭

if it isn’t clear by now, i don’t want miles and gwen together at all. they have no business being around each other frl 🙃 not as friends and definitely not as lovers. like, sure, that one scene where they’re swinging/talking on the bank was my absolute fav. it was cute. i shipped them before i really thought about it. that scene is still my fav, but my adoration for it isn’t gna stop me from keeping it real.

i really don’t care what anyone says or how in love they think these two are, this isn’t a “forgive and forget” situation. if the writers truly wanted gwen and miles to be involved romantically, then not only should they have structured their dynamic better, they shouldn’t have made gwen the person she was in this movie. love, love, LOVE redemption arcs because it’s a reminder that we're human and we're flawed, but you can’t redeem yourself from that. sorry. (not) i say miles should leave that girl alone 🤷‍♀️ leave all potential girls alone ffs.

in conclusion, it’s okay for miles to be single. he's 15 anyway, it's not like he'll die without a girl. i’m the suckiest sucker for anything to do with romance, but characters in film/animation don’t need to have love interests for a project to be considered good. if you feel like it does, then maybe ts you’re watching just sucks, lmao. a girl and a boy can be friends without one having feelings for the other, or both of 'em having mutual feelings. (in the media idk ab irl..) it’s time to stop forcing ts. please.

and it’s okay y’all, i promise you. it’s okay if miles and gwen don’t end up dating. it's okay if they reconcile and stay friends. it’s okay if they reconcile and don’t stay friends. though unlikely, it’s also okay if miles doesn’t forgive gwen at all! resolutions like these go to show that you can “forgive” someone without letting them have access to you anymore. that’s what miles needs to do. straying away from the “happy ending” everyone is expecting would be nice. it’d be a different approach and a realistic way to complete the franchise. (i’m not just saying this bc i love angst)

but before the gwiles (ugly ass ship name btw) fans start throwing up and telling me to end my shit, it’s 99% unlikely that anything i just stated will actually happen. we’re more than likely getting a kiss between miles and gwen, nd that’s bc the writers are probably high off the same dope they were on when they wrote gwen sneaking in thru miles’ window, j for his parents to be way more calm about it than any other normal parent would be. i could say some more about certain scenes but that's for another night.

miles doesn’t need to be with anyone. especially not gwen when it comes down to it.

oh and i HATE peter b. fuck that nigga. he was nun but an extra in this movie and i know he’s an opp in the next. 🙎‍♀️

that’s all! if you read allat then thanks, cuz i wrote a lot. if you're feeling angry, then go for a walk. this isn’t a place for any typa criticism bc i am right, therefore, i am not requesting confirmation. 🙌 i said what i said. have a good night.

[zelenbug]

GUESS WHAT!!! a tutorial for rayman origins texture mods like how i made uglette

this is for origins only for now, ill make a separate post for legends later (but itd follow most of the same steps)

first of all. use rayman control panel, if you dont have it somehow then what are you waiting for?? make sure its updated to the latest update too (14.0.0.9 as of writing this) for improved modding support

updated on january 10 2024 for the dds portion

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step 1: getting the textures

in control panel, click origins and then open the archive explorer

youll get a whole directory of a bunch of folders, what you need for the textures is just the itf_cooked folder. if you want all the textures just right click the folder, click export & convert, and convert them to png or something for convenience

if you converted all the images and dont need any things that arent images, just use windows search on the extracted folder to prune all the remaining .ckd files to save on space, but this isnt as necessary

you can also extract just the sprites you want to work with, or heck get them from spriters resource if you want, but still keep control panel in mind as you need the original directory of the files

if you want to replace the playable characters, their textures are are in the following folders

rayman sprites: itf_cooked/pc/actor/playablecharacter/rayman/animation globox sprites (you will also need mosquito sprites for him): itf_cooked/pc/actor/playablecharacter/globox/animation itf_cooked/pc/world/common/shooter/playablecharacter/shootermoskitoglob/animation teensy sprites: itf_cooked/pc/world/1_jungleworld/friendly/teensy/animation ui icons for everyone: itf_cooked/pc/world/common/ui/ui_bar

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step 2: the art itself

once you have the original textures all you need to do is to edit them, or redraw them. this may be a tedious process though! what i did is painstakingly edit each original spritesheet to be 2x size, then aliased to put it into a format that i can easily work with and edit, i mostly did so with a whole bunch of magic wand usage and tweaks

i did finish all the templates for all playable characters, i will see if i can release them somehow eventually? but yeah for now figure out your own way to edit them for now

either way you can figure out some way to draw new art for them. save it in a folder separate from all the other assets obviously. here for example i made a more rayman 3-like grand mimimus. i also frankensteined an icon together

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step 3: dds things

now that youve done the textures for the mod, duplicate them and save them as .dds files

this isnt necessary, as larger resolutions will also work (probably as long as the dimensions are still a power of 2), but you can resize the textures to the original resolution as well. i will be doing that personally

if you dont have a program that supports dds files, i just use paint.net. i provide a save configuration for it specifically, you can get it here if you need

this is updated!!! after much experimenting this one looks the best to me. the most important settings are outlined in orange, but try to match the rest too

make sure you have generate mipmaps on specifically or else the sprite will end up pixelly

however some additional, more jpeg-y crust will be applied onto the sprite from the mipmaps themselves. so heres the technical part thats probably complicated... if you dont wanna bother with this try to copy the rest of my save configuration, i think it works the best here

i experimented a bit with what looked best and picked fant with no gamma correction, but you can try saving multiple dds files with different settings, viewing them with whatever lets you view the mipmaps themselves (windows image viewer does) and just picking which looks better at a smaller scale

(to see the differences look closely at the eyes specifically, its probably hard without overlaying these one over another and directly comparing though)

one thing i can say is bicubic and fant are definitely the best for matching the original sprites' mipmaps, as theyre not too blurry (like bicubic smooth or bilinear) while remaining fairly good looking

these are the original dds files' settings as viewed in dxt viewer. most of this doesnt seem to be applicable for the save settings but the compressed format is specifically dxt3 (which is also present in its header if you view it in hxd), so for the first save setting you probably have to pick BC2 (Linear, DXT3) as i have

TLDR: i know this is complicated, try to just copy the dds save configuration from the start of this step i guess???

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step 4: renaming things

once you have done that, the weird thing you need to do is to rename the .dds into files that the game can actually read (even though theyre still dds files, and can be renamed back to .dds for them to function). for convenience you can just duplicate the files again

pay attention to the original file formats which you can see in control panel! as you can see, you should rename the majority of the extensions from .dds to .tga.ckd

windows will stop recognizing them, likely the same for the programs you use, but that shouldnt be a big deal. if you want, you can rename them back to .dds to make them usable

the important part here, dont miss it!!! is that all the ui icons are not tga.ckd, but png.ckd!!! even though theyre actually still dds files under the surface. just rename them correctly and pay attention to the right extension, or else the icon wont work

obviously make sure they have the same filename in general ALONGSIDE the extension

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step 5: actually making the mod

now that you have the relevant files, click create mod in control panel

select the files module, and then make and select a folder to use as the mod folder, which should give you this result

the files folder should have these two

you should create a GameData folder in added_files, after which the entire regular filepath follows, starting from bundle_PC.ipk, then itf_cooked, then so on. for example, these are (nearly) the full directories of my files

\mod\files\added_files\GameData\bundle_PC.ipk\itf_cooked\pc\world\1_jungleworld\friendly\teensy\animation\teensy_a1.tga.ckd \mod\files\added_files\GameData\bundle_PC.ipk\itf_cooked\pc\world\1_jungleworld\friendly\teensy\animation\teensy_e1.tga.ckd \mod\files\added_files\GameData\bundle_PC.ipk\itf_cooked\pc\world\common\ui\ui_bar\ui_bar_teensy_a3.png.ckd

obviously all the textures should have the same filename and the same file path as the textures theyre replacing

then go back to the base mod folder and edit the metadata.jsonc file in something like notepad++. the file itself has commented-in extensive instructions so just follow them

as the mod creator thingy says you can also optionally create a thumbnail

anyway once youve done all of that, select all the files in your mod folder and zip them. you cant just select the folder WITH the mod things and then zip that, as then control panel wont read it because the base of the zip directory doesnt have the metadata file

-

step 6: finally implementing the mod!!!

now that you have the zip ready, click the mod loader and select this in the lower left corner

navigate to your zip and select it. it should appear here under installed mods

make sure you press the checkmark to the left of it and then press the apply button in the lower right

after a short wait for the mods to apply you can go turn on the game and test it

and it should hopefully work !

also yeah ill release the minimus soon enough on gamebanana

if you want to make any further edits to the textures, youd have to resave them as .dds files again, and rename them to tga.ckd/png.ckd and such, then just replace them in the mod's directory (or add new files to it) and just zip it again. its fairly easy to work with i hope

this is overall kind of a complicated tutorial but its not too bad once you get the hang of it

[siriuslysatorusimping]

Hi Kiko! This year has been moving really fast. It's Mardi Gras season for me right now! We are on spring break as a result and I'm trying to get a bunch of work done for my prospectus so I can hopefully be ABD by next month. I'm also currently working through a back injury that I've been managing since 2020- finally got the okay to start lifting light weights again :) And I'm spending my first Valentine's Day in three years single. I'm loving myself more than my ex ever did, so I'm actually really fucking grateful. Got myself chocolates and I'm getting takeout from my favorite restaurant tonight (they have gumbo soup dumplings and matcha cheesecake. It's amazing). A year ago, I thought my whole world was ending. I was in the process of realizing my engagement was falling apart and my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer. I was diagnosed with chronic illnesses and told I'd never not be in pain again. And while there are still rough days, I'm in less pain than I was most of last semester. I'm learning to really treasure my time with just myself and my cat. My parents and I are getting to spend time together just the three of us. And I got a cool shirt that kind of looks like the one you posted about Rinko wearing in Gokudō, soooo I'll be wearing that to my next cosplay convention :) Your stories genuinely helped me survive last year. I am so grateful I stumbled upon this little corner of the internet, and as odd as it may sound, I try to channel Rinko on my bad days. It gets me through. We're here to help get you through, too, love! Sending so much love and a metaphysical king cake your way! <3 Rai

RAI!! HELLO!!!

Mardi Gras is WILD but so fun lol

HAPPY SPRING BREAK AND GOOD LUCK ON WORK!!! ABD ALREADY?? Amazing. You’ll do amazing. I just know it. My best friend is in that boat now and it’s crazy to think about. (Especially since she’s literally growing a human inside her, too.)

I’m so, so, SO HAPPY for you that you’re loving yourself and building a better life for yourself separate from your toxic ex. BUYING ALL THE CHOCOLATES. YES. GUMBO IS ALSO INCREDIBLE.

I love that your life is already better than a year ago. I hate that you had to go through so much, but it’s beautiful how you were able to find your strength to get through it all and come out even better! 💕

I’m so grateful and humbled that Another Level and Rinko helped you. They helped me too. They saved me. This little corner helped save me. Realizing that something I created could actually make any kind of difference really did save me from despair because I believed nothing I did was worth anything and would never amount to anything.

Rinko is so fun and beautiful and strong and I’ve realized that many of my favorite of her traits are ones I wished I could have. Her courage specifically. Her courage in the face of so much misery and hardship and choosing to still be the person who loves and cares and is kind. I think that’s one reason people loved her so much. She’s not stupidly or obliviously nice. She sees and hears and feels the pain and anger and bitterness but still chooses to not let them define who she is. She knows that there’s enough hatred in the world without her adding to it. She’s not perfect, she makes mistakes and she gets angry and she sometimes lets those drive her, but at the end of the day, she still doesn’t let them define her entirely. They’re just part of her existing as a human.

Rinko is a beautifully messy human, just like the rest of us. We’re all messy and emotional and imperfect, but without those things, life would be boring and empty.

I started writing this days ago and I had to save it to my drafts because I wanted to dedicate enough attention to it because messages like these really do pull me out of the darkness. Life has been kicking my ass so hard. Everyone around me keeps saying I’m doing so well and handling things in the best way possible, but that in itself is so exhausting. I’m exhausted. To be perfectly honest, I feel so, so fragile. But I know that’s a sign of my strength because I get up every morning and keep going even when it feels too heavy.

Rai, you are a beautiful human who is doing so incredible and you are so strong for working to be better for you. I’m proud of you and I’m proud to consider you a friend 💕

Also, I’ve been working on lil chibi designs for myself because I want to use them to order a custom case for my new earbuds and I will share one of the lil Gojo chibis I’ve been making.

Admittedly, writing has been difficult lately. I’m in the mood to write angst but I can’t figure out what it would be and I also want to write the Valentine’s Day blurb so badly. I’ll get it done eventually, I promise.

[marsbotz]

(disco elysium anon, wanted to send this separately) (and i'm sorry if this is invasive/whatever, also no pressure to respond to this at all! but if you want to talk more/ask questions then let me know however you'd like, i'm happy to send you a proper message and whatever you need)

anyway my point is: you mentioned a gender clinic referral in a tag and i'm a trans man also in the uk with a lot of experience in that area so i thought this might help in some way 👌🏼

if you've gone through the nhs, the wait times are astronomical (the shortest one is about 15 months, the longest around 62 months). the current legal limit on nhs referrals is a matter of weeks so it's literally criminal but that's another story lmao

if you go on the 'transgenderuk' subreddit there's a pinned post with current wait times and there's a wealth of information and people happy to help with anything from name changes to 3 stage surgery. also the nhs are notorious for just. not referring people to their gender clinics so if you did go through them it may make sense to give them a ring and check they did their job!

if you went through a private gender clinic and haven't heard back in months, 1000% follow up. the longest reply time i've heard is a month or two and the longest appointment wait i've seen is 7 months

lastly: there is another route. it's a lot more popular for transfems to do it, given feminising hormones are legal here but masculinising ones aren't, but transmascs (myself included) can 'diy' hormones, if hormones are the transition route you're after. even after i checked with like... tons and tons of people and different resources i was still terrified but it does work! also i get if a stranger on tumblr dot com doesn't reassure you, but i wanted to let you know about the option because it honestly saved my life and i think more transmascs need to know about this as a route especially those in this hell country lolol

for more info i would recommend the diy hrt wiki, just google that term and it should come up. i should mention though, with this though you're probably going to have to inject yourself which i know isn't for everyone (i used to need to have someone on facetime with me for like 45 minutes hyping me up lol). there is gel available on some sites but it's super expensive. also some sites will have tablets for sale but they don't work to masculinise unfortunately. OH and it's also recommended that you do blood tests semi regularly (once or twice a year) to test sex hormones and some other things like your liver, which you'll probably have to pay for yourself if you diy - in saying this though, the cost of 6 private blood tests, and 3 years worth of T and injection equipment would cost about the same as the initial appointments you need with the more reliable of the 2 private gender clinics. something something seize the means of transition

anyway. this is an absolutely insanely long message and i'm so so sorry if this is too much and too like... invasive but whats the point of having trans resources if you dont share them and whats the point of having a trans community if you dont trans commune 😎🏳️‍⚧️

WHATTTT THSI IS CRAZY THANK U. LOVE YOU. i definitelyyyyy need to look into it all more and start DOING SHITTT bc yeah this stupid fuck country SUCKKKKS. i did go thru nhs and cant afford to do private rn but ill tryyy to chase it :] THANK UUUU this is so so sweet i cld cryyyy 😭😭😭

[alexanderlightweight]

hi! I wanted to ask if my prompts was send? cus I think I messed up while sending it.

first was about how everyone was panicked that alec is missing, and in meantime alec is happy planning his wedding. and another is lyric from song "oh, I love it and hate it at the same time, you and I drink poison from same vine"

thank you for your works, true trueblood heir AU is amazing 💜

hi! totally understand sending this.

You were absolutely good and i have your lovely prompts. Both of them are already mentally in progress tbh, but life has been a bit intense time wise (as in things are taking up a lot of time) and i'm actually sleeping a semi-decent amount.

which is probably why i'm writing less tbh. because i haven't gone 30 hours without sleeping for a week (huge accomplishment) and everything else takes up my actual free time.

I love writing it, so I'm glad it's enjoyed! it's official name is star eater now ^_^ because i'm finally going to start posting it to ao3 and it's actually getting pretty long and i need an easier way of keeping track of it

also things got further delayed because Nightshade ate my phone cord and my laptop charger... and @saeths and i use the same charger for both of our laptops, their phone, our headphones/switch etc.

And this is the third charger like this that Nightshade has chewed, so rationing the chargers makes writing difficult. and my phone is on a separate charging cord, which means we don't have backup (we used to but Nightshade chewed them up and spit them all over the floor).

I should be finally getting a replacement in tomorrow or the next day. But yeah, the little bugger can't stand it when things change and we finally got a setup that doesn't let him hide away under the furniture. he's pretty upset about it and acting out about it. saeth's in the middle of a flareup (chronic pain and illness) and i've been working more so he feels 'abandoned'.

He tried to eat my laptop yesterday and waited to chew on it until i was 'watching him' because he wanted attention. after some redirection, he got a bunch of snuggles.

Say (housemate) totally spoils him. She gets him snacks when we go out, because she's worried he'll feel left out and lets him have bites of her food so he gets to taste everything.

And I'm rambling, sorry it's a bad habit. I have your prompts, I actually went through (and saeth helped) saved most of the prompts to drafts so I wouldn't lose them. but that takes a long time so not every single prompt is saved yet.

I plan to slowly catch my way up now that life is settling back down and if thing get a bit busy, then the prompts will probably be bit a sporadic. I have about 100-105 prompts right now (depending on whether tumblr is feeling gracious or not) and I'm just kind of slowly and happily writing through them when I have time and charged electronics.

<3 lumine

[shippingcontacts]

Love in the air ep 2

Oh rain my dear, your stuck with him now and I'm so invested.

Firstly I would like to say I'm happy I was wrong when I thought the reason rain would make phayu (payu? Still not fucking sure) fall for him was to attract ple's attention. the reason is far better and so in character because of COURSE he wants payu to fall for him so he'll stop calling him stupid😂

Let's start of with my favorite part of the ep, every interaction between rain and sky. I lost it when he started imitating his voice before dragiing him away and the silent prayer he sent when rain went off with payu, he gets it. But he should save some prayers for himself when he inevitably has to deal with prapai.

Ahhh the bathroom stall scene. I wattched the whole thing with my jaw on the floor. The deadly eye contact payu insists on keeping even when rain's eyes are shut is....wow

Just wow. I know this scene (this whole show) is rubbing people the wrong way (ill get into parts I didn't like soon) but I wouldn't go as far as to call payu abusive or a sexual predator.

Another thing I've seen is, peoples mixed feelings on rain being called stupid, which I get. However at the end of the day, he is a character who IS a little on the aloof side. would I call him stupide? No. he reminds me of a lot of guys (honestly not just guys) I was friends with in my first year of uni, not stupid just in the clouds (hehe get it, rain? in the clouds?) I'm sure hes perfectly intelligent, not everything has to be a point of debate.

I love this airhead :)

Now let's get to the worse eyesore of this ep. I'm talking I did a triple take. I was shocked. SPANKING!? Why? Where from? How did we get here? It was so jarring (for me) and unneeded 😭 and I believe someone else mentioned it but I feel like there should have been a scene of them in a car on their way to payu's place and that's where their little lovers spat should have taken place and I 100% agree. I can only hope we get no more unnecessary out of the blue spanking. Cuz I get that for the dynamic that's trying to be built between them, payu was essentially 'punishing' rain for putting himself in harms way but.....i was also punished in the processes, having to watch that😭 plus it dosn't hit the spot for me personally unless rain was in on it. Like in a situation where he would INTENTIONALLY act up with the hopes of getting spanked? Signe me up, but until then, banish it.

ANYWAYS

There was no need for payu Boss to be this hot.

Other things I remeber

Peat is so expressive and has great face acting.

Similarly, Boss acts a lot with the upper part of his face. It's cute.

The music is really...present

That racing scene was so long. The repeated scenes from ep 1 were also long but I'm just impatient

The wardrobe choices...give me some things to think about, I might elaborate on a separate post once we're a few more ep in.

Anyways that's it from me till ep 3. Took me a while to get this out of my drafts, but in all honesty I enjoy shows, away from fandom. But I also enjoy spilling my most insignificant thoughts on a piece of media out for strangers on the internet to see.

[roseriot2191]

Entry 1/Introductions

hey!

so i really havent used tumblr before really so im not sure if this is the best place for what im doing but regardless im posting it here

~welcome to my blog~

the purpose is to document my life as a whole but its also my senior year so even more reason to record it!

this blog will be my safe space to spill anything, the good and the bad, of my upcoming life. in all honesty im not sure how well ill keep up with posts or how much effort ill end up putting into them but i will try to update at least once a week for sure.

ok so now onto me :)

hello again! im rose, i use he/they pronouns and i am 17. for anyone wonder, which i dont know why but i guess i can just state it to get it out of the way, im a cis queer guy. i use queer as my label because i very much dislike labels for myself lmao. im attracted to men way more often than not but if the right person for me isnt a guy the im not going to let gender/sex get in the way of love and im not sure pansexual really fits the way i feel. queerness ill say is a part of me but not something i identify with as much as i did in middle school. ill make a separate post about this perhaps. (ill mention that my name isnt actually rose irl and its just my pen name for the blog. i have no reason to be secretive really besides to hide my identity from friends, family and people who think they might know me, especially with the topics i might write about, but also i didnt put too much effort into disconnection rose and myself so if youre one of my irl friends, hi :p ) i am a high school student, but i am mostly taking college classes at a community college. im a photo major! photography is a recent thing that i started basically the same time i started college. i sorta took a leap into photo classes and decided that i might as well major in it since ive always been a creative person and since my high school was paying for my tuition. honestly college has been really fun but its school and sometimes i get burnt out really easily which sucks. ill probably talk about this more some other time. i havent really decided on a style of photography that i prefer yet but this fall ill start a portraiture lighting class as well as a color theory class, both im really excited for.

recently ive found myself changing or perhaps growing into a more typical "teenager" recently. this growth is a drastic change from who i was as a kid and that sort of scares me but i think i like the idea of who i can become. i started taking an interest in cars which sort of came out of know where. it might be because i got my license last december and have been driving a lot more but its also rooted in my ex too. (at the begging of this summer i got into a relationship with this guy who was my first everything, and we also ended it in july which hurt hella but again this is a topic for another post later) he was a total car guy and it was something we were bonding over. he would teach/talk about cars and i listened and started to take an actual interest. we went to a few car shows and it was honestly a prefect date/hangout for us because he liked cars of course but i also got to bring my camera and take photos. definitely something i miss doing. my first car was a 2004 honda pilot. it was a manual and i tried learning how to drive it and i got the gist but ended up selling it and getting an automatic 2006 honda pilot lol. this car ive had since february and its lowkey dying now which pisses me. my grandpa was the one who ended up buying it for me which i appreciate very much dont get me wrong but he bought it off these sketchy guys and didnt get it checked out right away for any problems and now im paying extra money in repairs. currently im trying to save for something more "extra" like a mustang or a bmw or honestly an older honda like a prelude or accord, though on my salary as a host in a small restaurant i have barely $4.5k saved and i started work about the same time i got the 06 pilot. i know these cars are a bit on the pricey side but im giving myself till new years to save for something and if i dont find anything by then, ill keep my money in savings for college after i graduate. (that is with the hopes my 06 pilot lasts me through that long :,) )

so yeah. i work as a host at a restaurant. its my first job and i honestly really like it. i get paid $16.50 an hour and i get tipped out by the waitresses on top of that. on average i make about $500 in a pay period which is two weeks. i wish i had more hours but also i dont. i usually use work as an excuse to procrastinate or completely ignore school work which is really self destructive because i convince myself that im productive but in reality i need to be more focused on school. my work ethic is pretty good though i think. i always say yes if someone needs a cover or if i need to come in ealry/on a day off. after the break up i took a bunch of extra shifts and started taking caterings for longer hours and to keep me busy. in the past 2 pay periods i clocked about 50 hours each and made $850 each. this has again been really nice for savings but not for my summer classes. this pay period i had a double catering and i should clock in about 40 ish hours. ill have one more pay period after this one before i will talk to my manager about scheduling me only friday-sunday and see about scheduling me caterings more rather than hosting since i make more that way. theyre pretty good about accommodating hours/days which is really cool but my manager always complains. i feel bad but also i really shouldnt because i need to do better in school first and i already do so much more than what i get paid for honestly so she really doesnt have any reason to say anything. (especially since we just hired 3 new girls after the summer hires left) all my coworkers love me but also everyone shit talks eachother behind their backs so i always wonder if they say anything about me lol. if they are then they should put that energy somewhere else because how are you guys gonna shit talk a 17 year old when you all are 25+???

my music taste is the opposite in regards to changing drastically. i find myself returning to the music i grew up with and even expanding with similar artists. for a quick family overview my step dad who raised me since i was three was/is a tattoo artist and very much in the punk scene. my mom was in the artistic performance and alternative scene. both these adults raised a very punk baby with all the classics and now like i said, after not really interested or listening to music often for awhile, im back to my roots. this is very comforting however when me and my ex were dating he was a big influence in the reintroduction. so do i corrilate some music to him? yes. does it hurt? im not sure. its very confusing but i listen to it on blast regardless and will most likely have hearing problems by the time im 30 T~T a lot of what ive been listening to on repeat is radiohead which was "our band" and i still think it is. im a very sentimental person and cant/wont diconnect these feelings probably ever. i do this a lot. this time though i havent had the urge to stop listening which is a reliefe because i enjoy the music but also because i think itd hurt me if i found hate or sadness in the music rather than the love and bond we once shared through these songs. something ive been considering is posting a song with every post or at the very least at the end of the week. maybe even a playlist at the end of the month? not sure yet. i think music tatse is something that changes with me all the time so its something worth recording here. oh also i def will post cd hauls here too! i have a small collection started but definetely wanna get more.

lets see i dont read often but my favorite books are alice in wonderland, the warden's daughter, they both die at the end, coraline and currently i am reading solitaire by alice oseman. ive read her heartstopper series and have taken a serious interest in tori's story. for my favorite shows i binge watch shows so often and then forget about them just as fast as i watch them lol. i really like soul eater, downtown, daria, the midnight gospel, the walking dead, initial d, madoka magica, and some others i cant think of right now.

hmm~ i cant really think about anything else to write at the moment, plus ive been typing for awhile and should get to bed, so i think ill end it here.

i dont really expect anyone to read this blog in all honesty but its something i wanna do for myself and if a few people take interest or relate to anything i talk about i think thats enough :)

[alostlittleriverlotus]

i dont get on much anymore just cause I don't have anything to really say. :p

I'm just vibing and dealing with personal stuff.

But I think I finally have something to say so let's go, another NPD rant. About ableism towards NPD/ASPD. HUGE trigger warning for ableism/ableists and ableist language. We love you narcissists, we love you antisocial peeps. 💜💜💜

The abuse that's commonly done by NPD and ASPD folks. It has nothing to do with the disorders. It's not more common cause it's those disorders, it's cause people slap narcissist and psychopath on any undesirable toxic traits. Completely ignoring what NPD and ASPD are. Seeing NPD as some evil manipulative ego centric disorder. Seeing ASPD as the uncaring manipulative asshole disorder.

That literal stigma prevented me from knowing I had NPD and DEFINITELY kept me from knowing I had ASPD because I didn't fit the abusive stereotypes of them.

If you can read my posts and still think I'M the one misunderstanding shit like narc abuse, you don't actually care about victims or any of the nuance with a situation.

I have encountered more toxic people under the label of depression than I have with people with personality disorders. I have been called heartless, hollow, empty, told I am a leech for everyone around me. I see my disorders constantly lumped in with the worst of humanity, people I actively stand against.

Anyone regardless of disorder can be toxic or abusive. Any personality disorder can be toxic or not. But there are so many stereotypes that most people don't even know what it's actually like to have PDs. When you look up NPD, it's all about how to deal with a narcissist, how to hurt a narcissist, how to leave a narcissist. Imagine being in a low episode, searching for help, and you get bombarded with that shit. Imagine looking up ASPD and just seeing stuff about psychopaths and sociopaths.

You can try to act like you're explaining it to me, but I have witnessed actual ableism from this. Being an abuse victim does NOT give you the right to stigmatize a disorder. Even if not your intention, you are doing just that. I literally had my defense of narcissism be compared to a fucking r*pist as if I was defending a r*pist. They literally compared narcissists to r*pists and as a csa survivor, that ain't fucking fun.

So go ahead, say that it's important to understand the abuse given out by people with NPD and ASPD. I have abusers that have those disorders and I have those disorders. I have been treated like the enemy for having a disorder I can't help within the mental health spaces. The fact I have to accept ill get some people in my inbox saying shit to me if I post about NPD/ASPD says it. And BPD folks that try to say they're the good ones (this is mostly a TikTok thing), siding with that ableist rhetoric isn't gonna save you. Because people conflate BPD and NPD a lot and when one of us PDs are demonized, it will quickly devolve into other ableism and demonization.

Ableism will start with the "scary, abusive disorders" and will quickly become about most every disorder. Pushing the "bad" disorders under the bus won't stop anything. Catering to ableists by shoving NPD and ASPD under the bus won't do shit. Maybe the disorder did personalize the abuse, my abusive ex used his ADHD and GAD and depression against me. It literally made me loathe being diagnosed with GAD and ADHD being a correlated those disorders with HIM. But I never once thought to blame other people with those disorders because of one bad person. You can talk about your abuse without lumping in how they're a narcissist. There are other words: selfish, egocentric, self centered, egotistical. That gets the point across that they're full of themselves and selfish without correlating it with NPD.

And for those that will say that "narcissist is separate from NPD" that is not what happens. I can separate them as well, but the majority of people cannot and that only adds to the stigma. When you look up narcissist, you find NPD. When people with NPD try to look up their disorder, they find articles about evil narcissists.

NPD and ASPD are not more likely to be abusive. They'll be toxic, any trauma response can lead to toxic relationships. I've been toxic too! Cause I never had a chance to learn to regulate my emotions, I was neglected and ignored and left to care for myself so much, I had to learn to manipulate and fake to be able to be accepted.

Not to mention relationships are so incredibly nuanced and abuse is never the same. Also as someone that fell down that narc abuse hole years ago cause of how common it was to see, it only keeps you trapped in anger and pain, furious that people will try to sympathize with narcissists, angry and hurt and trying to pathologize the pain you endured. There are more nuanced ways to discuss an abuser having NPD and ASPD. You lump the disorder in with abuse and put them as the two most evil disorders. I can just say I have NPD and I'll be told "of course you'd defend abusers, you're a narcissist." Not all abusers have NPD/ASPD. A majority don't. Yes NPD/ASPD impacted the abuse I faced, but I wasn't abused because of their disorders, I was abused because they were abusive.

If you fail to understand that, that is not my problem. There are people who word it better than me, I do my best to communicate despite my difficulties. If you can't see the harm that this does when people with personality disorders already struggle to get help because of stigma, that is not my problem. I have explained, I have done my best to communicate, I have made it clear why it's harmful. If you still fail to understand that, then just don't bother.

If you leave some anti-narcissist stuff in my box, I'm gonna just ignore it or delete it. I'm not giving you the time of day.

I mention NPD/Narcissism and ASPD and I instantly have to be prepared for people to be upset. Looking up narcissist/narcissism anywhere and being bombarded with how evil, soulless, and empty we are. I have been told I'm lying about my abuse cause of my BPD, now imagine if I was more open in other spaces about my NPD/ASPD.

Any personality disorder can lead to toxic and unhealthy situations because these are severely traumatized people with no idea how to fully cope. It has taken me years and accepting I had NPD/ASPD to get to a point where I have healthy communication. I refused to believe I was a narcissist cause they're evil and abusive. It only made my toxic narcissistic traits worse. I wanted to be a "good person" and so I refused to accept I had NPD/ASPD. After destigmatizing the disorders, avoiding narc abuse shit, all of that and learning about the disorders from people with em, I went: Oh shit, I think I have these. Is that possible? And lo and behold, I do. And suddenly I'm not forcing myself to fake, I'm not hiding some of my "shittier" aspects. My friend MA helps me by letting me unmask 100%. These traits I'd be so demonized for the second I showed them to others are accepted by MA and suddenly I find ways to communicate better and learn to be healthier. Cause instead of being treated like a monster for a disorder I never asked for, I'm treated with understanding. So when I do mess up, I don't feel defensive or upset and I will apologize.

Demonizing disorders, lumping NPD/ASPD in with abuse just leads to more stigma. It'll start with these two, but it'll come right back to BPD just like it still is for many people. I will be told narcissists can't love, narcissists can't feel for others, narcissists don't deserve to live. I'm told sociopaths are monsters, psychopaths are pure evil, getting lumped in with murderers and r*pists. I've met shitty people with NPD/ASPD. I've met good people with NPD/ASPD. And creating a single stereotype of the disorders around the evil/toxic/bad parts completely ignores many narcissists and antisocial folks that don't fall into that stereotype. Cause I've met narcissists that fit the criteria, but don't fit the stereotype created around the criteria.

You are ableist. You have a chance to learn and I hope you grow out of this. But if not then I have no sympathy for you. Cause in the end, you're just fighting alongside ableists and people that don't want us to even be alive or get help. If your first instinct is to hurt a narcissistic abuser, how are you any better than them? And I'm all for victims of oppression and abuse reacting how they can. But maybe realize that your initial trauma response to such things is not always right. Just because you don't attack random narcissists and antisocial folks on the internet doesn't mean there aren't people doing that. And you believing in narc abuse allows that opening, just like in many other situations. You allow that shittiness to happen.

I sincerely hope you can learn and grow from this. Cause I've been there too, with other situations too when I was younger. It's easy to fall down that hole. And I hope tou can look back on this in the future and have matured and be better. But if not then oh well, stay away from me. I'm willing to educate, but if you aren't willing to listen then just stay away from me. Nothing I say will ever make you listen.

The tone for this may come off as rude or uncaring, but this comes from a very personal and passionate place. And having come so far in my journey, I will say this shit. Just as I have gotten anti-narcissist ableism in my inboxes, I have gotten thanks and people saying that my posts have helped them feel less alone. And ultimately that and educating others is my main goal.

Narcissists, antisocial peeps, any heavily demonized "abuser" disorder, you are so worth it. You are not these stereotypes that people make you out to be. Even if you're toxic, remember you never have had a chance to not be in survival mode. It doesn't excuse harm done, but if you get stuck in that area of self hatred, it makes it harder to grow. Sometimes you are shit and it isn't good, but you're learning to be better. You don't have to get help the expected way especially with such a broken mental health system. You deserve to be treated as human and as a fellow trauma victim. You don't have to feel love in a normal way, you don't have to be the norm or expected way of anything. You can be better. What matters is being at a point where you don't have to rely on that survival mode and trauma responses. You're safe here. Whether you feel love, whether you have been abusive/toxic in the past have gotten better, whether you're struggling to be better but you're still trying, whether you struggle with being a "good person." You're welcome here. It doesn't fucking matter. You know your life, not me, not these strangers. You don't need to be a "good person" to be worthy of love and understanding and be able to just live your fucking life. Whether you aren't working to getting better. I don't know you, I don't know your story, I don't know your life, it ain't my place or anyone else's place to judge and you are welcome here. You don't need to explain every tiny aspect of yourself and your disorder to be worthy of being treated with respect and kindness and decency. You are welcome here :)

All I focus on is what you stand for, whether you're anything like ableist or homophobic or racist or transphobic etc. or anything else like p*dos or r*pists.

We humanize people here and you're welcome here. Especially if you've been so demonized by people. The stereotype of a good person is complete bullshit. You deserve understanding and love.

Of course this is a very general/blanket statement and cannot list every single tiny thing that is or isn't acceptable. Also I hope this conveys things well as I am having a harder time communicating my thoughts lately especially since what I say can so easily be misinterpreted.

This is one big rant about ableism. Fuck ableism, it won't be tolerated on this page at all. Anything else problematic as well. It doesn't matter whether your abuser has or doesn't have NPD/ASPD. It doesn't fucking matter. And focusing so much on the narcissist abuser or "psychopath" abuser is stigmatizing, harmful, and doesn't do shit to actually help you heal.

Anyway, love you fellow narcissists and antisocial folks. This was focused on NPD/ASPD, but any personality disorder, you're loved here and welcomed here. Especially since PDs are either ignored/forgotten or completely demonized.

[99point9percentwhump]

I can't believe you posted CI5 whump... I've become totally obsessed. Especially the episode 'discovered in a graveyard'. Also, although there's some great whump in the last episode of season 1, I feel pretty weird about enjoying whump from an episode which is discussing racism in such a vivd and open way. It's amazing that they were discussing this stuff in the 1970s, even if the episode never got aired. How do you feel about it?

Also, I was wondering if you've seen any Inspector George Gently whump, seeing as Martin Shaw gets whumped in that a few times too. Seems like the kinda thing you would enjoy

Ahhhhhh Profs CI5 is my fav I've never been so hooked on a series myself!

I love Insp George Gently 110% funny enough I saw that before Profs CI5 and didnt know for a while why Doyle/Martin Shaw seemed so familiar lol OK I have no problem discussing it my opinion isn't always popular or appreciated but I'm more than willing to give it :)

Ep spoilers and topic discussion 👇

Firstly Klansmen ep is one of the best for whump isnt it?! not many have the boys both whumped and separated unable to help the other!

Secondly in relation to the topic, is it a very heavy ep, oh yeah.

Should you feel weird liking it?

I don't think so at all, this series pulls no punches when getting into topics esp topics that were new for the time including but not limited to: drug addiction (new drugs where on the streets like heroin), prostitution (the various victims and abusers/users), alcoholism, metal illness, homosexuality/gay (not having been legal for long) etc, they show it in as much a reality as a TV show can, it's not pretty it's not clean and it's hard to watch as it should be, so why wouldn't they show racism in the same way

If they'd made it a soft ep it wouldn't carry the same weight as the ep does in my opinion.

Like all topics you get to see a lot of character stress/trauma and even growth which I think is a big part of it as well particularly with Bodie in that ep, if you watch the series everyone knows he has no issues with Blacks but scars from his SAS and mercenary days sometimes show through and I feel this ep helps move passed that a bit as well he goes from using terms that Cowley and Doyle disapprove of to being saved by the Black Doctor and Nurses who deal with his fever induced ramblings and in the conclusion you see Bodie walk away a better person.

I also really felt the way the Doctor and nurse were handled was perfect no matter what he said in his delirium they did what they could to save him and you got to see her face when it started but she never stopped doing her job caring for him. Also in that ep you get the different POV of the locals effected by the baddies attacks you see the fear, physical harm, and death inflicted which is another important point they show its not just looked out from an outsider.

Then in the finale the plot twist showing a man selling out his own ppl funding a hate group for the gains the housing they take over brings.

Never to leave out Doyle ofc his role in this ep while on his own nearly the whole time showed his experience having worked in the rougher parts of the city pre-CI5 how he has a better understanding of the inner city and how he built trust in those days shines through in his interactions with the kid saving him then busting the whole setup.

To try and sum it up I think it is one of the most important eps to watch it happened at the "perfect" time in the series you know the boys enough not to judge reactions in the same way while also witnessing a redemption story of Bodie and then move on to the rest of the series.

Sorry for the long winded talk if I didnt cover or explain something right please feel free to drop in my inbox :)