#i honestly cant tell what else it all might mean

[adarkermiserablecrow]

Bruh at this point im actually gonna be a little dissapointed if bi buck doesnt happen

[rhysnolastname]

Solas says I know a place and takes you to the middle of a swamp where he insults your culture, religious beliefs, and then dumps you.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Calling various CRP pretty boy

Yoinking this prompt from the slasher version of this post because i kind of enjoy this prompt a more than normal amount and I like feeding all my followers regardless of what fandom they follow me for

Characters: Slenderman, Masky, Hoodie, Ticci Toby, Eyeless Jack, Laughing Jack, Jeff the Killer

Notes: reader is GN, written on mobile

CWs: none

SLENDERMAN

He gives little to no reaction to you, as expected as a lot of forms of affection dont mean all that much to him

Not that he doesn't treat you with love and care, he does because he knows you like it

Receiving is just a little odd for him, possibly because it's so foreign to him- but at least he doesn't reject you!

Asides from his lack of response, there isnt much else to note! Over time he does begin to respond to it if you keep calling him that

MASKY

He doesnt talk all that much so the lack of verbal response doesnt surprise you all that much

He prefers being called handsome, if you insist on saying something about his looks

Mild confusion because hes never taken his mask off around you, the most hes done is lift it up to eat or kiss but even then...

Suspicious that you've peeked when he wasnt aware or conscious- probably not the best nickname

HOODIE

Doesnt talk at all, so once more the lack of verbal response doesnt come as a surprise

You haven't seen his face yet you call him pretty boy... you might actually be able to convince him to take his mask off for you so you can confirm if he really is a pretty boy

He does respond to the name and seems to at least enjoy it a little bit

Will occasionally ignore you until you call him pretty boy, not a common occurence though

TICCI TOBY

Mix of leaning into the name and calling you pretty in return, but I can also see him slightly rejecting it

He knows you mean it, more than likely- but hes so used to not being treated nicely that he cant tell if you're secretly making fun of him or not

Brings it up passively and hides it behind jokes but it's so obvious hes a little suspicious of you

Firmly reassure him that you really do think hes pretty, bonus if you point out specific parts of his face that you like!

EYELESS JACK

He considered himself average before the cult, nowadays he cant look in the mirror... though that's less of a self confidence thing and more of a trauma thing

He has mixed feelings about being called pretty boy, in general and due to the circumstances

Let's you continue calling him pretty boy, quietly keeps his thoughts to himself

He may grow onto it with enough time

LAUGHING JACK

Giddy, he already has the idea that hes cute but the thought that you think hes pretty really does it for him

Returns the energy and says he thinks you're really cute, he could just eat you up!

Takes the sudden nickname really well and adopts it as a new pet name between the two of you

He kind of perks up like a dog when you say a word they like around them

JEFF THE KILLER

Honestly he would expect you to call him pretty boy, though be doesnt need to remind you of something he already knows as fact

Pretty, handsome, cute, beautiful... call him any of those and hes going to let you know he already knew he was attractive

WILL notice if you stop calling him pretty boy, making it a habit... and you just stop calling him that out of the blue

A little huffy about it but hes going to act like hes not pressed about it- he doesn't want to come off as desperate for attention

[thewertsearch]

TG: when does someone actually step up TG: jacks got shit to pay for […] GC: W3 4R3 BOTH PR3S3NTLY CONC3RN3D W1TH JUST1C3 TG: yeah i guess […] TG: maybe i am supposed to be a hero and rise to the occasion because there seems to be this little persistent voice in my head nagging me about it TG: insisting someones gotta pay

Oh my god, it's the Aimless fucking Renegade!

Welcome back, king. 💛🖤💛

TG: im pretty sure i dont even have an exile TG: ive never heard any voices or anything TG: anyway you dont need a voice in your head to tell you this shit is TG: just like TG: so completely illegal

TG: someone has to make him pay TG: cant let him just go unpunished TG: if i can figure out how to reach the god tier maybe i can be the one to throw him into the slammer […] TG: slammer means jail GC: 1 KNOW WH4T TH3 SL4MM3R M34NS!!!

TG: you call it the slammer when youre extra angry at crimes

I’m dying. I’m actually dying.

AR is killing me to death, and I haven't even found my Quest Bed yet.

TG: what am i even saying here TG: shit GC: 1M ST1LL NOT SUR3 GC: YOUR3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT THROW1NG J4CK 1N TH3 SL4MM3R 4ND R4MBL1NG 4BOUT JUST1C3 4ND T3LL1NG M3 TO G3T P3NS 4ND SUCH GC: NOT TH4T 1 4M COMPL41N1NG

Oh, he is speaking her language.

This is basically flirting to her, and I'm poised to update the shipping chart as we speak.

TG: ok forget the slammer stuff that was stupid TG: it is about justice though TG: and since no one else seems to give a shit about that it apparently falls in my jurisdiction now TG: not just going after jack TG: but all the mutinous agents responsible for crimes […] GC: NO1RS CRON13S 4R3 3XPLO1T4BL3 GC: 4R3 YOU S4Y1NG YOU H4V3 4 PL4N TH4T 1NVOLV3S T4RG3T1NG TH3M?

I love that Terezi's taking it somewhat seriously, too. Honestly, manipulating Jack's crew isn't a bad idea, given that he's still listening to DD. He might be the best attack vector we have.

[mouwrites]

Hopefully requests are open and if they aren’t then please ignore my ask!! I would like to request if you could write a platonic ninjago x younger sibling!reader where the Reader is basically the crying child from fnaf? A crybaby, easily scared and clingy in a sense that they only feel safe with the ninja or their older brother, if you cant do this then you are free to ignore this ask, Have a very nice day/night or evening where you are!

Here you are my darling! I hope you have a lovely day/night too! :D

Ninjago - Ninjas With a Sensitive Little Sibling

Kai

He's already a protective older brother, but with you being so sensitive, he's ultra-protective

Even when people are being nice to you he's hovering carefully, making sure they don't do anything that might hurt you

Not that he really needs to hover; you usually stick to his side anyway

Maybe that's also why he gets worried when you're on your own, though... he's not used to not having you nearby

Whenever he's forced to leave you, he makes sure you're in good hands (i.e. with the other ninja) first

He knows you're sensitive, but he's still Kai; you're not escaping a little sibling conflict

Sometimes he gets annoyed when you follow him around too much, and he'll get all quiet

He knows why you do it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't irritate him a bit

There have been times during which he'd snap and tell you to go find someone else to follow around

If/when that makes you cry, though, he does a complete 180 turn

He crouches down to your level, smoothing your head and frantically telling you he didn't mean it

"Aw, Y/n, please don't cry! I didn't mean it..! Please don't cry!"

Then he'll give you a piggyback if you want it, entirely forgetting his earlier desire to be alone

Cole

He's also pretty protective, but he's more focused on your character and emotions than actually defending you from the world

What I mean is that he'll watch for when you're upset, and when you do get upset he'll take the opportunity to try and build a little character

He's super gentle and always supportive, of course, but at the same time he wants you to grow

So when you cry, he'll hug you until you're calm but then he'll try and talk it out with you

"What made you upset?" ... "Why do you think that upset you?" ... "How can we make sure that doesn't happen again?"

I think he's just really emotionally mature, and he'd want his little sibling to have that maturity, too

Of course, he doesn't force it on you; you're just a kid after all

But he tries to get you on the right path

He still gives you lots of affection though, and is always checking to make sure you're comfortable

When you have to separate, he does try to leave you with one of the other ninja, but if he can't he'll offer lots of reassurance that he'll be right back

He'll be so proud if you're able to be alone for a bit!!

All in all he's just super supportive regarding your needs, but also wants you to learn and grow

Jay

Out of all the ninjas, he coddles you the most

When someone makes you cry he's on them like a feral cat

Once he's satisfied that they've gotten what they deserved (or when they're done beating his ass 💀) he'll come to check on you

He's a little scatterbrained, so he doesn't always remember that you're fragile

Sometimes he'll accidentally make a backhanded comment or leave you all on your own

When he realizes his mistake he flies into a panic, especially if he's mid-mission and remembers that you're alone

He hates seeing you cry, and just the thought of it makes his stomach churn

He always gives you the tightest hug when he realizes his mistake/gets reunited with you, apologizing a million times

Honestly he's more upset about it than you are

Long after you've stopped crying, he's still apologizing (and probably crying a little himself)

Just call him a crybaby and he'll stop on the dot

He'll just stand up and furrow his brows

"Okay, I see how it is. I was all worried about my little Y/n and now they're making fun of me. I guess that's what I get!"

(You're both able to laugh about it, dw)

Zane

As has been established, he's not the most emotionally intelligent out of all the ninjas

Sometimes he struggles to know what he's feeling himself; your emotions are a whole other realm to him

That doesn't mean he can't tell when you're upset, though

Whenever you start to whimper or cry he's at your side in a second, holding your shoulder affirmingly

He's not always sure what to say, but if you want to hug him he'll hug you back

He'll patiently wait for you to calm down, then he'll try to understand why you were upset

"Um, do you know why... what... made you... cry..?"

Be patient with him, I promise he's trying 😭

He starts to learn after a while which things upset you most, and he starts to look out for them whenever you're with him

Whenever he spots one of those things, he's already hurrying to your side before you even start crying

He feels really proud whenever he's able to catch a fit before it happens :)

Honestly, as protective as he feels towards you, he sometimes wonders if you're better off with the other ninjas

You're just so emotional, and he feels like the other ninjas might understand you better

He actually sometimes looks to them to help calm you down

But ultimately he does prefer to be the one to help you, both because he feels responsible and because he loves you the most

Lloyd

He was a pretty rowdy kid when he was your age, so he has a little trouble understanding you

He was rude where you're sensitive, he was cruel where you're gentle... when he thinks of you compared to his younger self, it's like night and day

So he doesn't always catch things that might make you cry

(makes it a little hard to be protective when you don't know which things to be protective about...)

Only when someone else points them out, or when he hears your high-pitched whine, does he realize that you've been upset

He'll rub your back and try to calm you down, but honestly he's a little apprehensive

Like I said, he can't really relate, so he struggles to empathize

That doesn't mean he won't try, though

He'll give you a hug and tell you everything is fine, but he's not sure if he's actually being helpful

"Hey, hey, it's okay..! Here, give me a hug!"

He just feels really bad for you, especially because of this

He asks the others for advice sometimes, trying to understand what it might've been like to be a kid who spent more time being afraid and gentle than trying to be tough and evil

They always assure him that he's doing a great job, with him being so great at showing kindness already

He still doubts himself, and he probably always will, but he'll never stop trying to be there for you

Nya

If you were anyone else's sibling, or just a random kid, Nya would absolutely coddle you

She'd be the most protective person ever, always at your side, ready to defend you from the world

But since you're a Smith...

Sorry, you're getting none of that

She'll never berate you or anything, but every time you start to have a breakdown, she tries to get you to toughen up a little

"Come on, my Y/n, dry those tears. It's not that bad. I'm here."

She'll still be hugging you anyway while she says this

The way she sees it, Kai can do the babying, and she can do the actual teaching

Though she can't help the distaste she feels whenever Kai treats you like a baby

She's talked to him before about getting you to grow up a little, and he does agree that you can't always be this sensitive

From then on they work together to find the balance between comforting you and toughening you up

(Kai still does most of the comforting and Nya still does most of the toughening)

She knows what it's like to be the "weaker" sibling, and she doesn't want that for you–not now, not ever

She'll even give you fighting lessons if it makes you feel stronger :D (tbh she probably will anyway)

Thank you so much for this request! And thanks for reading, take care sweet duckies <33

(divider by saradika)

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

HI ITS ME gvxzggsgjfh ok look this is. i know this is a weird one it is SO specific and so obviously something i should just write myself if i want it👏but👏but👏BUT i decided to shoot my shot when a perfect chance has arisenderised for you to pick and choose from anything you like AND in any form, and to see if this one maybe by any chance just so happens to spark anything fun in u too xD

ssssssssssoooooooooooooooooooooo RANDOM EVENT ROLL D20 mc gets bitten by a werewoof or some other kind of "contagious" monster species (....cant really think of anything else other than vampirs, now that i say it) but WAIT THERES MORE because. what if mc insisted that they dont want any potential existent cures, they just wanna stay monstery >:3 JVDTHGLN who's considering it, who would absolutely go in the "its either me or this" direction, who's enthusiastic🤣 this is silly as hell but in the case it sparks joy id love to hear ur any and all thoughts because this idea has been haunting me for forever lmao honestly the best way ive imagined it is like one of your own selfinsert pieces youve posted before where its just all of them together bickering heeheehee💘💕🩷💞💖

love u have fun!!

The Arcana Drabble: MC transforms into a "monster"

In the spirit of things, I though a long drabble/short oneshot would work best to keep the madness going XD

Asra's getting stuck in their "one focus and one focus only" mode and right now that focus is making sure you're okay. He'll decide how he feels later, which isn't being helped at all because Julian keeps calling on him to help him slow down the process and get you to think about this a little more. However, it's hard to tell what exactly Julian wants your decision to be because in between him trying to get Asra to make you think about it some more, he's having all kinds of medical epiphanies about how your anatomy is adjusting to the new monster form:

"MC, let's think about some more, shall we? I'm sure Asra agrees with me - don't you, Asra? Asr - oh, whats this?! Your finger's joints are rapidly adjusting to accommodate for - I need a pen and paper -"

"Right here, Ilya." It's Portia's dismissive tone as she digs a small notebook and pencil out of her pocket that keeps you grounded. Not for long, though, because she can't wait to see what happens next. "Accommodate for what, anyways? Are you growing another joint?? Are you going to get claws??? Talons???? Show me!"

Between Julian jotting down unintelligible notes while he studies your elbow's range of motion, Portia's excited exclamations, and Asra's attempt at soothing touch as they rub your shoulders and ask how you're feeling, it's a miracle you can notice Muriel's quiet mumble in the background. He's clearly overwhelmed and very concerned that the physically-altering substance in general got to your brain first, making you so seemingly okay with turning into a monster.

"MC, do you remember your name? Do you need to take a nap? You don't have to be okay with this -"

"I believe this may warrant far more than a nap to recover from." Nadia's doing her best to keep Lucio calm, holding him back from tackling you much like she might grasp a leash. You can practically see the headache building behind her eyes. "We have yet to determine what the extent of this transformation is and therefore whether our dear MC is even capable of fully agreeing to the current process. MC, darling, did the source of this transformation give you any indication of what the end result would be?"

You'd try to respond, but Lucio's excited yelling is too noisy to shout over. He's fumbling at the fastenings on his cape, distracted by your ongoing changes, and very annoyed at Nadia's interference.

"Where did it go? I want to see if it can give me powers too - OW! Dammit, Noddy, I'm trying to help here! You're keeping me from finding the monster and getting it to give me cool - I mean, getting it to tell us more about what's happening! Don't you want that? Don't you want to help MC, Noddy?! Let me go -"

It's with a loud RIP and subsequent "that was velvet, you know!" that Lucio finally breaks free and sprints off in the direction of your new monster friend. You can feel yourself slowly settling in to your new form as the process shows signs of slowing and reaching completion.

Nadia's facepalming. Portia's looking at you with eyes shining in wonder. Julian's still trying to nag Asra into reversing this as he takes notes. The magician in question is still ignoring him as they ask you how you feel for the nth time. Muriel's eyeing the nearby closet in hopes of taking a nap and waking up to it all being a dream. Lucio's a distant, spiky golden speck at this point.

Faust is quietly trying to sneak her knife into your hand, for crimes.

[superums]

roronoa zoro's 5 love languages

gender neutral reader. fluff. improper grammar. no y/n or (name). established relationship. strawhat-coded reader. i've never really been a zoro girlie... i hope this is okay tho. based on opla!zoro but can fit anime!zoro aswell. spoiler free.

color coded text: zoro

physical touch: he isn't big on giving physical affection, it's just not his nature. he doesn't like PDA all too much and in private i believe that he doesn't change. its not that he hates physical touch, it's more like he doesn't like initiating it. if you're touchy and always want to hug or hang off of him who is he to reject your affections. if you were to jump into his arms or just collapse on him he wouldn't say anything about it... well he might complain but its not real complaining. i think instead of initiating hugs and kisses he's more if a kisses your hand or rub the back of your hand with his thumb—kind of guy.

acts of service: he likes to do hard labor to show you love. ofc he dose things like get you a glass of water or get you a blanket from the bottom deck but he likes to show off his strength. if you wanted a fish he'd come back with a whale—stuff like that. he'd try to tone it down if you don't like that but thats his best quality. he likes to do absolutely ridiculous things to simple tasks because he wants to impress you. sometimes sanji gets involved and then he HAS to show off bc who dose sanji think he is trying outdo him at his job (getting you chocolate milk)??????

quality time: he spends his free time training and sleeping mostly so he probably won't invite you to join him on his free time that often unless you like taking naps or watching. i think he'd think he's boring so he probably wouldn't to invite you anyway. sometimes he will just plop down beside you whenever you're on the deck and you two will sit in a comfortable silence. he'll tell you about how he's training to lift a ton or swing his sword faster, but he honestly wants you to do more of the talking. when you leave the ship he always wants to go with you. it doesn't matter if you're leaving to get 1 thing or 100 things or even just a breath of fresh air away from everyone he wants to be with you at all times even if he doesn't explicitly say it.

giving/receiving gifts: he doesn't have any money so dont expect anything extravagant. he gets you more food than anything because thats all he can really get yk. he tries to spice things up by getting you a bird or fruit from a island, maybe even some treasures that villages gift them as a way of saying thank you, but you get a lot of fish from him. he might also give you a kiss as a way of giving you something—you gotta rmr kissing really isn't his thing so that means a lot coming from him!! he's a pirate after all and he cant really show a lot of appreciation towards you in the gift department.

he's also easy to please. be doesn't really expect much, if you gave him a towel he'd cherish it. he knows its hard to really get the other anything especially with a kingpin nami being in charge of the money holding everyone hostage financially so he's be happy with anything. i also think he's also one of those people who are content with what they have/feel like they have all they need. he has his crew, his swords and you—what else dose he really need?

[ermrats]

i want to see people to be talking about this panel in the promised neverland

tpn theory type stuff below cut

google search and stuff has gotten pretty bad so that might be why i'm struggling so much to find theories on this but omg it's a little frustrating because this is the coolest panel.

for anyone that doesn't remember, this was at the demon temple that showed them how to reach the seven walls.

there's one specific thing here that interests me the most, and it's the main reason i think this panel is so interesting, but there's so many other significant things to discuss here so i'll just get through some quickly.

at the top we see what i think is almost definitely the night and day, and the demon god. there're then lines pointing to the beginning of the evolution tree with the small bacteria-like first demons. i think this is telling us that the demon god is the originator of all of the demons. that's pretty huge?? i haven't heard anyone ever talk about that. i don't think this is far-fetched at all too. i strongly believe in this theory.

under the bacteria-like demons are these bipedal, horned, almost human-like demons. i'm less sure about what these are and i think this is more up for debate but i'm guessing these are a slightly evolved form of the first demons from eating lots of small things and slowly working their way a little up the food chain. with slight variations probably from slightly different diets.

under that, we see the demon evolution that we are familiar with.

they eat a fish, they become a fish-like demon. they eat a human, they become the familiar human-like demon. they eat bugs or other small wild creatures, they become the also familiar wild demon. (side note: we know humanoid demons also eat bugs alongside humans which is interesting. what unique affect to bugs have on them?)

it's showing us what the demons will evolve into after eating certain organisms. it all seems to align with what we know from normans research so far.

except for one thing. this is the thing that interests me more than anything else.

UNDER THE SNAKE CREATURE THERE'S JUST AN X.

WHY TF CANT THEY EAT SNAKES.

i don't think we ever get even a hint towards what this could mean in the manga.

gonna be real, i think even if i tried to look for patterns myself, i wouldn't know enough about biology to find much. i don't know much of anything about biology. i think the only thing i take away from this is that for some reason they can't eat snakes.

this stuff intrigues me so much and i just wish i could find more theories out there on this. rahhhh it's so cool. i just want an answer.

oh wait also what is this thing i dunno

honestly i can't make it out

anyway thanks for reading, i don't post about TPN but i just finished rereading all 20 volumes. i probably won't post about it again i just want to get this out

[citrusinicake]

Day 2 :: Zombie Apocalypse

full text below

do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to be a zombie in this economy? you just go out there trying to have a bite to eat so you go up to some randos and they just start SHOOTING YOU! like straight up just SHOOTING YOU! like what the hell man? i mean i know im trying to rip your brains out and shit but cant you let a guy just fucking eat???? speaking of, this guy's brain tastes weird like im pretty sure its at least fifty percent plastic, maybe even a hundred percent i don't know. was he your boyfriend or something? does this mean you're single? wanna go out sometime? you're annoying as shit but i like that in a man, keeps you on your toes y'know? keeps you humble as well like you just wake up in bed one day and go "oh god this is the guy im dating and i don't even want to break up with him or anything what the hell's wrong with me," which i think is a pretty important thing to have-- at least for me 'cause im awesome as shit and if i don't have that sort of anchor i'll probably lke turn into god or something and i dont wanna be god. not out of self-esteem issues or anything, just out of principle 'cause i think that everyone should have a fair chance at killing me which not gonna lie is pretty easy but that's besides the point, the point is that i think anyone who wants to be god is fucking stupid and should just fucking die. like, hello??? who the hell do you think you are rying to reign above other people? are you stupid? are you dumb? hello? anyways, if you wanna know more about what i think of this i post a lot on r/atheism, im user u/waffleontopp-- wait , do i have to explain reddit to you? 'cause you seem more like a tumblrina to me, honestly reddit's pretty similar to tumblr so you won't have a lot of trouble figuring it out on your own but don't be shocked ifbyou see cock and balls on there since porn isn't banned there unlike tumblr. how's that whole thing treating you by the way? must be tough not seeing some girl's boobs every once in a while-- wait are you gay or bi? must be tough not seeing some guy's boobs every once in a while, that won't be problem if you start dating me though. haha just kidding, my chest is basically concave now after a survivor beat me repeatedly with a baseball bat so ive got like negative double D's now. oh but i do know this one guygirlthing whose boobs are out basically 24/7 who likes to hang out with me and this other guy so maybe that'll make up for it. they're not zombies and im pretty sure they didnt get infected so you don't have to worry about that but they miiiight have rabies or something im not sure to be honest so maybe watch out for that instead. if youre wondering why two non-infected humans are hanging out with a zombie then we're in the same boat, might have something to do with the possible rabies i mentioned earlier. also if they tell you that im their pet zombie that is simply not true, if anything it's the other way around, they're my pet guard dogs and they do basically anything i say even if it kills them. or at least i wish it would kill them, they're way too hardy in my opinion, i need them to die so i can eat their brains-- oh but then i'll have to do manual labor. hmm, on second thought, they can stay actually i don't wanna deal with all that. normally i dont even do my own kills nowadays, i just leave a trap or get the other two to do it for me, you guys just caught me offguard which is lowkey embarassing but trust me i am a huge, like Huge alpha sigma gamma male and would totally dominate everyone else around me. but not in a god way of course, just in a lone sigma alpha gamma wolf kinda way like those anime wolf furry drawings. you know the ones. and like im not a furry but not gonna lie they totally popped off with those

[moodymisty]

Hi! Ive read most of your darksiders content and I absolutely LOVE. IT.

I wanted to ask if you could write some smut for death? And while hes gentle with it to not hurt the fem! Reader he kinda cant cope on like how soft the reader is (as in,stroking his hair,telling Him nice things,checking every once in a while to see if hes comfortable) andhe knows she does that because she cares about him and the moment being so vulnerable he kinda cracks a little (what I mean by that is that he lets it show accidentally how positively overwhelmed he feels by her love)

Honestly,i just want death to feel loved.

Anyway,take your time and thanks in advance yo!.

Author’s Note: Let Death have a moment of peace and happiness, he deserves it. I love your prompt and did with it what I could while trying to keep it in line with what Death would allow. Because I feel like he would find some things demeaning, even if it's someone being caring.

Relationships: Death/Fem!Reader

Warnings: Slightly NSFW, Death being a bitter git but not much else

The first thing you hear over the sound of your own heartbeat in your ears and labored breathing, is Death asking if you are well.

He always tries to be gentle- though not as much this time- even if he isn’t meant for it. It almost makes you smile.

“I should be asking you that too,” You say between breaths. Your skin brushes against his, significantly cooler. He gives a short grunt that you could consider a laugh, given who it's coming from.

“Is that because I’m old?”

You give Death the worst glare you can muster, rolling on your side closer to him in order to do so.

“Now isn’t the time for age jokes, Death.”

The Reaper gives you a dry chuckle, ignoring the way tour hands push down on the mattress beside him in order to push your torso upward. He does little more than cross his arms as he leans against the headboard. You wouldn’t call it casual- not relaxed either- but he is more at ease than usual.

“A pity then. I thought it was a good one.”

He distinctly ignores the irritation in your face as you come closer, now leaning over his torso to look him better in the eyes.

He’s still wearing the mask. It shadows his eyes and gives them an almost ghostly, glowing look. You’d never have the heart to ask him about taking it off, now knowing what it means. He’ll decide when, if ever.

It���s not as if it’s a hindrance for him, as he’s demonstrated.

“You need to just let someone care about you without turning it into an insult.”

As if he would ever; The reaper is clearly displeased with that statement, until you start to shift and rise upward. You get up onto your knees, moving until your straddle him at the hips. You sit down gently. Death looks at you, his height advantage making it so he doesn’t even have to look up at you.

He can feel your hands against his skin, scarred underneath your palms. He snatches one of your wrists before you've even moved more than few centimeters.

“Are you done fooling around?” He halfheartedly jokes, looking at you with a bemused and irritated expression. You tug your hand, and the reaper lets it go. You know he could easily not let you, but he's always been careful with it.

“Not yet.”

While Death might not always acquiesce on all of your silly, human ideas, he does here- much to your surprise. Maybe it's because this time he actually doesn't know what idea it is.

Though in reality it isn't one at all; It's just a fit of the moment desire to get Death to stop acting this way for once.

He continues to let you lay against him, gently pressing a kiss to the scratched and worn texture of his mask and the bit of his exposed jaw beneath it. He doesn't move, you feel his hair brush against your skin. You're surprised he's even allowed it this far, at least without complaint. Though when it comes to things a bit more complicated than you just being a tad annoying, Death tends to get almost eerily silent.

Your skin brushes against his more, you've yet to put any clothes on and the heated flush of your body presses against his significantly colder skin. You kiss his jaw again and he lets out a sigh.

As your body slides downward you can feel him tense underneath you, and though he doesn’t say a thing, you can tell that the idea of him being doted on is making him feel almost anxious. Any time you have in the past he's either masterfully turned the tables on you, or managed to distract you enough that you'd forgotten your original idea.

This time however, you aren't going to let that happen.

You can’t help but let out a shaky sigh as your heart begins to race again, only minutes after it finally managed to calm down. It’s amusing how the horseman of Death can do that to you, with even just a simple touch of your own making.

He feels the way you gently grind against him, looking at him like he’s the only thing in your world that matters. For you it’s true, but for him he dreads it. He knows nothing good will come of it, despite how good it might feel right now.

He grips your hip tight like it’s going to bruise. He can feel the warmth of your skin against his palm, polar opposite to him.

“Stop.”

He doesn’t mean it, his voice cracks just the tiniest bit. You stop, but look at him in a way that forces his eyes to advert away from you. You hate the way he so adamantly refuses to let himself feel any sort of positive affection even though it's clear he wants it, and so wish to change it. Even if he'll only let you do so for one night.

“Let someone else take the reins for a bit.”

[her-favorite]

idk dom!madison gets jealous while youre on a date with someone else 🥴🥴

this isnt the whole thing cuz i dont wanna fill up a whole post with my bs but tell me ur thoughts

warning its kinda 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂

it’d been 3 months since you and madison had that bad fight. Well, not really. It had been two weeks but it honestly felt like a year. And you WOULD be spending this friday with her like you usually do, maybe partying or maybe just sitting with her playing fall guys.

But no, instead you decided, why not? And now you’re on a date with a stereotypical jock, Lucas. Of course, he wasnt your type. But you were bored and you didnt want to stay home being depressed about madison. So you sat there while he just arrived and made awkward small talk.. yikes. Until your attention was caught by a brunette girl waltzing through the doors of the diner. 

“Huh, Y/N? What are you doing here?” It was madison. She tilted her head to the right and smiled innocently, acting as if the fight never happened.

“Madison.. Hi. I’m on a date.. as you can see.” 

She laughed dryly, thinking you’re joking while completely ignoring Lucas. “Right, so, where’s your date?” 

You glance at Lucas, giving him an indirect ‘sorry’ and returning your gaze to Madison. 

“Yeah, uhm, right here..?? Are you blind?” Lucas says, chuckling. 

“Oh!” She says, passively, looking at him as if he was just a rock on the side of the road and turning back to you, mouthing ‘wow’ with a disapproving smile. 

“Well, I’m actually..” she paused to think quickly, “waiting for my own date, so you wouldn’t mind if i sat down, would you?” She says, already sitting and not giving a chance for you to answer. 

“Uh, hell yeah!” Lucas said, rubbing his hands together thinking that now, he might get two girls! (spoiler alert, he wont lol)

You dont know what made you tense up. The smell of Madisons sweet vanilla perfume clouding your senses, or her hand caressing and drawing circles on your thigh. You groaned quietly. “Why do you even want to sit here? Just wait for your date alone,” rolling your eyes.

“Uhm he said hell yeah. Did you not hear- whats your name again?” She says, looking back at the blonde jock.

“Wait are you kidding? We’ve known eachother since grade school. Lucas?” He said, his horniness replaced by a frown. You could practically feel the mood sinking. Your mind drifted to imagining all the places you could have been on this friday night. 

“Right, lucas, whatever. He said its fine if i sit here, chill.” She said, digging her nails in your thigh and subtly sliding her hand upwards, playing with the bottom of your skirt. “So, where did you two meet?” She said, asking you. 

“In grade school.. Like you.” Lucas said, rolling his eyes totally uninterested in the conversation.

madison slid her hands into your panties and started rubbing your clit, leaning forward looking Lucas in the eye. “I’m sorry.. was I asking you?” She said, looking lucas up and down once again just more threatening now. 

Lucas looked offended, scoffing and giving madison a dirty look. He was probably about to call her multiple slurs until you interrupted. “Uhm yeah, like he said. Grade school.” You said, biting your lip to muffle a moan. 

“Right. I cant believe youre on a date with a jerk that interrupts you when you try to talk,” She whispers but just loud enough for Lucas to hear, leaning into you, her breath on your neck while she slides two fingers into your pussy.

“Shit, you’re soaked.” She gives you a mischievous smile.

A quiet, “Fuck,” slips out as the waitress for your table comes to put the breadsticks down and take your order. Lucas looks at you confused, hearing the profanity you whispered. “Its the breadsticks, they just.. look really good y’know?” You say, squirming and letting out subtle whimpers as Madison curls her fingers up inside of you, adding a third finger. 

-🪼

HEEELLLLLOOOOO??????? soaked. came.

THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING???? i need MORE.

omfg girl im obsessed. mean!dom!madison has me going FERALLL. YOU NEEDDD TO WRITE MORE ITS SOO FUCKING GOOD SDKLDKDKD

[voidedaurora]

Now just to preface before her fans go crazy at me, I don't have a account in her server and I'm not specifically telling anyone to go out of their way to send me these things (aswell I do just get sent stuff in asks so there's that) DO NOT HARASS ANYONE MENTIONED/SHOWN IN SCREENSHOTS, I DO NOT CONDONE ANY AGRESSIVE, SPITEFUL, HATEFUL, OR OTHERWISE MALICIOUS BEHAVIOR!

Edit: I actually forgot to include a rlly important screenshot (her announcement about all of this)

Alot of her fans groveled at her knees after this announcement despite it basically being "yea I might make sexual jokes but sorry YOU interpreted it that way" She doesn't actually take any accountability in this? "I genuinely did not mean for any of it to be deemed as grooming" that's not even denying its grooming or apologizing for anything, it's literally just saying "I didn't want you to think about it like that" Aswell with the last part I have underlined, what evidence? how are you going to disprove you're grooming khai after everything stacked up, your current visible actions will always speak louder than your words in a screenshot with something like this. Honestly do better mel, cut this shit out, and stop being weird with people significantly younger, and set BOUNDARIES. [you can have a best friend without being sexual around them, foreign concept I know!] Whether you like it or not you're growing up, you're not a little kid just making animation memes anymore, you're nearly 19 years old and need to wake up and be responsible about this and own up to what you've done instead of your ego getting to you. Not to mention you havent addressed literally any of the other things you've been called out for because you genuinely do not care apparently.

Altogether, bad response you didn't take any accountability and blamed everyone else for "seeing it that way". end of edit:

Anyway I wanted to touch on part of the convos that've been going on in her server and clear up (once again) my side on why this is an issue since people in her server seem to exist on a different dimensional plane, ignoring everything I've said only to make up their own incorrect interpretations of my feelings/why I've done what I have here on tumblr. The SS i'll be speaking on first:

I'd like to state again for the record that while the fact she's 15 in a 16+ server is an issue (especially because its out of special treatment) It's not the main problem at hand here. The main problem with her being let in is the fact Mel allowed her to LIE about her age to get in and the fact that apparently she was also going to make an exception for another 15 yr old to be in from what I've been told? Coupled with her other recent behaviors it makes it all the more concerning. With Khai specifically/s past [that being lying to get into adult spaces to erp, draw/exchange nsfw, and a whole lot of other unsavory/inappropriate things] which again, Mel was and is 100% aware of, It's not okay for her to be letting this behavior slide and even encouraging it at this point. Khai has been lying about her age for years now and the fact she's being enabled and allowed to continue said behaviors is just not okay period, she already gets away with it but it's teaching her she can continue to do that without consequence having mel make an exception specifically just for her.

It's all genuinely so weird and just eugh, I'm extremely disappointed to see mel giving such special treatment to a whole kid just because they're besties now, especially with how she used to feel about/talk about khai before she became a wide eyed fan that looked up to her, genuinely what is up with her befriending the most parasocial fans ever. Aswell, whether you're best friends or not you shouldn't be letting/encouraging a friends bad behavior, this goes for both mels and khais actions respectively, from what I can tell they just gas eachother up and let eachother do bad shit just because, obviously khai cant really do anything to stop mels bad behaviors since she's a kid and that's not her job, but its still worth mentioning. Mel NEEDS to set boundaries if she insists on being best friends with fans/people significantly younger than her, she needs to learn what is appropriate and what is not, It's not hard to act normal around younger friends. [Imo someone 18+ honestly shouldn't be having 15 yr old best friends but that's just a personal opinion and my own morals]

And just to mention once again, I'd appreciate if the people in her server wouldn't just blatantly talk shit about me and especially would stop theorizing and prying into my mental health/BPD. I absolutely do not appreciate my disorder being used to push the idea that I just want to bring her down, just because I'm hurt from her actions doesn't make me speaking out on her blatantly terrible behavior any less valid, I can be hurt and truthfully talk about everything that's gone on simultaneously despite what a lot of people seem to believe. You've all made it quite clear you do not care about victims and would rather use "well I was (blank) and-" statements to discredit everything I or anyone else have to say about this, aswell as the whole "this should've been private!" argument as if I didn't try to handle this privately. Just because you've had an experience that went a certain way doesn't mean you have any higher ground to speak on when its about SOMEONE ELSES situation, sure you have input to give yes, but using your own experience to bring down someone else just because the one in the wrong just happens to be your #1 idol animation meme youtuber is disgusting and really makes where your priorities are at clear. Obviously everyone will believe what they're gonna believe, mels always gonna have her parasocial yesmen and there's nothing I can do to change their minds. Though I'd like so say, what has mel done to disprove any of this? Has she provided any evidence, has she given any meaningful statements?, has she properly addressed anything? the answer is no unsurprisingly. Take what she's said (or the lack of what she's said) into consideration before throwing yourself at anyone to defend her. And Fyi, Her essentially saying "nuh uh I'm not grooming anyone and I know I shouldn't be weird around friends but its a joke lol!" doesn't actually disprove anything, her actions have spoken way louder than her words ever have/will Here's a few notable screenshots/my takes on em bc auhh some of these are worded pretty rudely but I'd like to be transparent and honest.

[I originally did not censor names but I've decided to because I don't wasn't anyone getting ideas and harassing people]

Also just to add on a bit, I really hope this doesn't actually happen because why is a whole adult having a 15-16 yr old fly out to see her, and a better question would be why would her guardians allow that??

I don't think I have the full screenshot of this but reminder that mel actually was the one who refused to communicate like ever? I'd tried really hard to get mel to talk to me so we could have a private conversation about everything (her admitting to only sleeping with clover to be with me + a handful of other things) but she avoids talking things out like the plague, I gave her around 3 months before saying ANYTHING and there wasn't a single word until she'd got her friend to come up to me, only to refuse talking unless it was in a group which I absolutely was not comfortable doing (why would I ever feel comfortable having that conversation about sexual shit + personal stuff with other people around, let alone the same people who'd lied to cover for her before along with other things??) I'd like to note that I still don't have her blocked on anything so there's never been anything stopping her from reaching out other than her own ego/thoughts. same person sadly, they've got some interesting takes to say the least

Just because someone says "I'm not being groomed" or says they aren't a victim doesn't mean they actually aren't a victim, Its extremely common for a victim to be unaware they are one or even go as far as defending the abuser. I myself even struggle seeing myself as a victim sometimes and need alot of reminders (my input isn't too important but I thought I'd mention that </3)

Also khai, Idk what chronically online wording this is but I do not care about your "vrchat culture", cuddling and all that with someone significantly younger than you is weird regardless, does that "culture" also include being weird with minors in the handbook or is that just something mels added on? /gen

With this, you can be a victim and a bad person khai, in my opinion you are both. I can wish you well in one situation and not like you because of another, just because you've done terrible shit doesn't mean I want terrible shit to happen to you

Not much to say other than a 15 yr old shouldn't be "sleeping in the same bed" as an adult, let alone CUDDLING??

All I have to say with this is that yes! you are a child khai and I'm not going to give you special treatment like mel does, I genuinely do wish the best for you and that you get out of this situation though, truly. And I'll share as much as NEEDED to prove what I've said because none of it is false [if ANYTHING, there could be misunderstandings, but none of what I've said is made up, bullshit because I'm "hurt", stuff just trying to make mel look bad, etc.] , I have nothing to hide unlike mel (who's proven/disproven nothing?) Reminder I wouldn't have had to share anything if she'd handled things in private like i'd tried to, but it's a little too late for that. Best thing she can do is admit her wrongs and make some sort of response HERSELF.

Additionally

Its the way she just doesn't care and is more focused on her animation memes and her birthday coming up, don't do bad things if you cant handle consequences, or just don't do terrible stuff period?

I'll state again DO NOT HARASS ANYONE MENTIONED/SHOWN IN SCREENSHOTS, I DO NOT CONDONE ANY AGRESSIVE, SPITEFUL, HATEFUL, OR OTHERWISE MALICIOUS BEHAVIOR! Sorry if this isn't worded correctly/comes off as aggressive at all, I definitely missed some stuff aswell but I don't want this post to be too crazy long (I am upset so it definitely shows through a bit, I apologize for that, my kindness with all of this has been stretched pretty thin, especially knowing how much shit her fans are talkin about me simply because I spoke out </3)

[pumpkinsy0]

Ok this might seem stupid but hear me out, perhaps we could get some headcanons of papercut in the events of the book but instead of Johnny it was Curly who stabbed the soc and him and Pony had to run away together? It would also be cool to see what the Curtis AND Shepard gangs reactions are

this aint stupid,,,,ur onto something here,,,,

•ok look, not REALLY related but curly woulda loved that white trash w mustangs and madras line, this white on white violence gotta STOP💔💯

•ANYWAYS, i think he’d put up more of a fight, he’d try to get to pony but they were outnumbered so he gets cornered, HOWEVER, he always carries some weapon on him, or maybe he picked up a coke bottle, POINT IS, bob still died lmao

•i dont think curly and pony would stay around that area as long as johnny and pony did, curly would want to leave as soon as he could so nobody could see them, so ponys forced to just get it together in under like 2mins so they could leave, so ponys disassociating badly

•theyd go to tim, curly doesnt like dally and tim IS his older brother, then tim would tell dally, and they still end up at the dirty ass church</3

•now curlys shaken up too, like hes not trying to show it to look tough, but hes never done THAT before, never flat out hurt someone that badly before, but he still doesnt regret it bc it was to defend pony, however considering hes black in the 60s in TULSA, hes so certain a judge will not gaf that it was outta self defense, so actually hes disassociatin too, they both a lil fucked up rn

•back at home, dally didnt tell darry or soda where they were but tim sure as hell did, he gets what darrys goin through cause theyre both older bros worryin over their younger bros, darry doesnt know HOW to react at all to it, he doesnt tell soda nor johnny, or anyone really, when two bit says he’ll go to texas (i think it was,,,) to look for him, darry says not to bother, so they all feel like darry knows where pony is and they dint know wether to be happy or terrified bc why isnt he tellin em or getting him??

•when it comes to the shepard gang, tim did tell some of em whats going on, only his trusted guys tho, theres basically nothing they CAN do to stop word from spreading about it bc the socs who were there already went to the cops, so they all have to lay low for a while, stay in line cause tim quite honestly cant handle anything more rn

•angela’s pretty much losing it too, shes drinking more, way more irritable, if one of the shepards is gone, ALL of em r losing it dawg

•in the church, curlys trying to act like his normal self but u can tell that he’s damn near close to losing it cause this could mean prison or the death penalty, hes so sure hes done for and pony wants to reassure him but holy fuck it aint lookin too good, they do their normal banger but u can feel this somber tension between the two as if this is gonna b their last moments together

•curly is NOT talking about turning himself in at all, he’d rather kill someone else to NOT go actually, on top of that tims telling him to stay hidden, dallys tellin him to stay hidden, so thats how he knows hes GOTTA stay there

•NOW THE FIRE, just like dally, curly dont care that much bout those kids im ngl, but bc ponys running in there, now HE has to help, boooooo👎🏽👎🏽👎🏽👎🏽

•curly aint like johnny, hes grabbing those kids and pushing them out, whatever injuries they get outta that they gonna have to deal w later, its better than them being dead id think, when the church falls, honestly??? i think my main man curly gettin outta there in time, he lowkey DID push pony out the window cause he was taking too long and then jumped out bit aye, hes livin

•its either that or he risks it and takes the longer way out if like, the wood fell where the window was

•he aint livin without some injuries and scars tho, he did definitely break SOMETHING and got some burns on his hands and wherever else, but hes relatively fine, a part of the reason y is bc he wears a leather jacket, unlike johnny who wears a jean jacket, and jean jackets r more flammable, and as seen w pony, the leather jacket did help him a bit in that fire, he still is banged up tho

[thighguys]

alright guys i took the cue from everyone else on here and did my own dnp tarot reading 😊 @freckliedan i think you were collecting these? might as well add mine for the metrics lol... also i will take this opportunity to advertise the @dnptarot project im putting together, it's super cool!!!

okay so i used my fav tarot app as i dont actually have any physical sets lol but heres what ive got

my first 4 cards were just dan and phil vibe checks, like what are their general feelings. dans were the 9 of swords and the knight of swords.

9 of swords is definitely a negative card, lots of anxiety and fear swirling around something, but the knight appearing with it seems to me to imply just like- pushing through the fear. honestly reminds me of the time just before basically im gay, dan is scared but forging onward. knight of swords also implies a very fast pace, like things are moving really quickly which is DEFINITELY true and also matches with dans "what comes straight after" tweet. too many planets aligning at once etc, lots of shit is going DOWN lmao

phils cards were the king of wands and the 5 of pentacles.

king of wands is VERY leader/making big decisions/creative director, which makes me think that hes got something in the works here that hes going to be a big part of creating/directing (pride month mayhaps??) its also very much an opportunity card, like here is something that he can take and make great coming soon. 5 of pentacles honestly took me a minute to think about because usually its more about financial loss? but im thinking its maybe more about recognizing the necessity of help from others in difficult times. idk phil is getting help and is also a king 💪💪

my next question was about whether dnp were planning something big soon, and i pulled the high priestess and the 8 of wands

high priestess is literally ALL about trusting your intuition, and 8 of wands is once again very fast paced movement and changes approaching. so what im getting is a RESOUNDING yes lmao... phannies trust your intuition, the universe is telling us something and we should trust that itll come and itll come quickly lol

my last question was specifically about whether dnp are getting married lol (sorry cant help it im still on wedding hill) and i pulled the queen of swords and the 6 of cups

GOD this is insane to me... queen of swords to me is clarity and truth. every time ive pulled this card before it has been a reassurance to trust what i know and my ability to see whats in front of me... wedding hill... truth... idk guys... and then 6 of cups is all joy and happy memories (also can mean children? phregnancy announcement?) and what could be more joyful than a marriage? anyway once again these two cards are just a resounding yes so... im not pretending to know anything about their private lives but the cards havent lied yet lmao...

overall im just seeing a lot of fast moving cards and a LOT of positivity, creativity, and joy. the only negative card shown was in dans vibe check and that fits, but along with his other card i feel like the vibe i was getting was less "crippling fear" and more "brave enough to keep going anyway". basically i think we can expect smth big soon, and if it isnt a marriage announcement then ill stay on wedding hill until i die because i believe that the queen of swords knows wtf shes talking about ❤️❤️❤️

hope you guys liked this! if you want i can do more tarot readings in the future? lmk lol, or dm me if you want me to do readings for you... i really like doing them i love feeling connected to the universe

[lostinvasileios]

im sorry if i sound insecure or something but have you ever been in a place where you couldnt explain your relationship or practice to people that much because you dont have the words for it? like i want to tell someone about how much i love my deities but i cant really describe anything about why i do or something without feeling sort of stupid because i cant phrase it right, does that make sense? im sorry if thats hard to understand

Greetings, love bee!! ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚. Thank you for sending in your ask. 💛🌷

So, yes, actually. I have. I actually still feel that way. In my own journey, that's been a feeling I've had pretty much the entire time. My emotions always felt so much more profound than my vocabulary could keep up with. No matter how many big and beautiful words I found, they never truly could capture the essence of it and I hated that for so long when I was beginning. Having urges to share the beauty you've gone through or whatever is normal during practicing.

But… That's not a bad thing, bee. As I've come to learn, that - only makes it more special. I get it can be annoying, but you don't owe anybody an explanation to anything about your path or things relating to it.

A thing I had to learn pretty quickly (like 6-7 months into my practice) was that... Your path isn't really... Meant to be understood by anybody else other than you. I mean, this is what mine is like at least. I can't truly immerse anyone into what my life is like or has been like with my deities, because they won't be able to remember it the way I can. They can't feel the exact, or most likely even similar, emotions I did - in the way I did - because... It didn't happen for them. My deities said that to me, they showed that to me, they did this and that for/to me. Just as, their deities did that for them and they got to experience things I did not and probably won't.

Now, there are of course times where I or you will find others who can relate on certain levels, swap stories and see the similarities, and so forth. However, you two can give each other as many details as you can muster and as basically humanly possible, but - at the end of the day... That experience is yours alone. Their experience, is theirs alone.

And that's - beautiful to me, honestly.

It really helps me realize just how - unique... How truly special this all is. There are details about my practice that nobody besides me and my deities will ever understand, and though I sometimes wish to share them with others - some things are simply meant to stay with the experiencer & those involved within the experience. Some things are just either not going to be well received, well understood, well liked, ect. Some things are just - safer with you and your deities. Which is why the saying "keep the personal details to yourself" exists within witchy communities.

Another thing is that languages as a whole can be very limiting even with all the beautiful words that you can find. Grammar rules too. Me and my deities often break things like language or grammar to better communicate, because - we understand each other. The meaning behind our made up words or complex grammar style, almost like our own language. You can try to mix up your own way of telling someone about your deities and the bond you have, the knowledge you've gained and the experiences or theories you have gotten over the time you've practiced, but, it might be confusing. And more than often, if someone is confused, they can get angry. They can begin to invalidate you. Ect.

But, at the same time, you're also entitled to speak about it even if little to nobody understands it. You're allowed to be confusing and make language whatever you need it to be to get your point across and satisfy those desires to share. If you want to, nobody's really stopping you. And, you might just meet someone who can understand certain extents, or be similar to you. That in itself is kind of why we even have religion or the knowledge of deities in the first place. Because someone went out and preached it, someone brave went and documented it for others to learn.

I think I yapped a bit here, sorry about that, bee, lol. Hopefully I made some form of sense here. Enjoy your path and may no evil follow you, loveling! 🤍🤍

[chaoscrow119]

This is something I wrote for a friend struggling with some medical neglect in their home life and also with doctors. i think it’s very important because so many people dont think about the inherent flaws in our current medical system and the damage it does.

i have feelings about the blind faith and trust in all doctors. or the “self diagnosis isnt valid”. they havent proven themselves to deserve it. humans are not perfect and doctors especially are taught in a culture that encourages gaslighting and superiority. on the other note, the reason self diagnosis is waved off is because some people do incorectly diagnose themselves or convince themselves they have something to cope with other things or fit in.

one reason a doctor diagnosis is important is they are more likely to know other options it might be or spot the signs something else or something as well is going on.

unfortunately it takes a decent doctor to do that and most doctors are taught in a way that discourages that or are too overworked and understaffed to give the patient enough attention.

i honestly have a very similar feeling to medical professionals as i do to cops

all cops are bastards- that doesnt mean they are all bad or that there are good people who are cops who actually do their job in a good way, but the system itself is broken and they are part of that system. same for medical professionals

as such there are medical professionals who are good at their job and listen and actually evaluate all the options and are willing to learn and grow

but they are also part of a broken system

it’s come to a point in the area of mental health where self diagnosis is almost required to get the help you need. especially if you land in a category most doctors dismiss or the problem you’re struggling with they have biases about. you oftentimes need to know ahead of time and be ready to defend your case and get the professional to take you seriously.

even if you end up being wrong about what you diagnosed yourself with you need to have a place to start and defend with your doctor.

and when it’s a doctor that feels challenged by you self diagnosing, or if you are unsure, another very helpful thing is to focus mainly on the symptoms. make a physical list of each symptom you experience along with examples and how they effect you. and if you want to go the extra mile also have documents that show how those symptoms relate to the diagnosis you’re suspecting to show that you both know what you’re talking about and there is a real and tangible connection.

another thing that is helpful when self diagnosing whether or not a doctor is involved is peer review. peers often have biases as well so dont take their word as law. your the only one who is you. you know your struggles the best. talk it out with them, tell them your symptoms, compare them with the diagnosis you suspect- if they have similar experiences or suspect or are diagnosed with a similar thing talk about that. learn more, both in an academic sense and in a real life experience sense. and find people who dont relate- it can be so valuable to find people you dont relate with because then you start to realize what you are struggling with is not a normal thing. that’s the first step in getting help- either professional or letting yourself help yourself.

and at the end of the day an official diagnosis may not be necessary depending on the thing. they are far too hard to get. but they can be useful for accommodations in either school or work if you find yourself needing support in ways you cant give yourself and can only be given by an employer or school. but even without an official diagnosis a good employer or teacher or such will work with you on your struggles and help you find a way to do things in ways that help you

that being said some things need a professional diagnosis as well because they require professional medical help (COUGH COUGH EDS BITCHES /SRS)

in which case as i said before being told no by a doctor doesnt automatically mean it isnt true. learn to trust yourself, learn more about yourself, and if you still need that diagnosis come back armed with more information and proof.

it’s a hastle and i have so many intense feelings about how wrong it is to be this difficult. too many people suffer needlessly for it

(edit was because copy and paste didn't include the first paragraph for some reason)