#i know i'm a trans journal blog | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tirfpikachu · 2 months

Text

i really think you can give yourself something akin to dysphoria w things unrelated to gender too. i think it may be the same feeling that otherkin and fictionkin people describe, and uhhhhh not to expose myself but yeah i was a hardcore kinnie and still dabble in it, and the feeling is a YEARNING for a different body and a different self, a yearning to not just be your boring cringy lonely self, bc you tried to fix and like that one but it's just too much work and it's annoying

i think also that any body modification or identity changes eventually gets boring, or at least neutral. you change your pronouns online or even irl, it makes you nervous, bashfully happy when someone uses it, giddy with emotion, etc it consumes your days until everyone uses them long enough then it all loses its spark and you have to focus on normal life again. there's a feeling of boredom followed by sudden thrilling nervewracking excitement when they (and i include myself in that) think of a higher stake like "omg should i legally change my name again? should i change my pronouns for the millionth time? what if i'm genderfluid instead of agender? what if i'm bigender instead of demigirl? what would it feel like? omg let me get into the mind of what those identities would feel like let me meditate and see if the ~vibe~ matches my true inner self let me journal on my blog let me go thru the tumblr tag of it to see if all the memes speak to my soul!! ugh this isn't big enough actually, this hasn't changed my life radically and fixed all my life problems and self-esteem yet, should i go on hormones? should i get surgeries? should i tell loved ones that i know will be bigoted and once they show themselves as transphobes i'll have to cut them off? bc my trans friends will reaffirm that they're as bad as abusers? should i get bottom surgery too?"

there's a fun secretive feeling of anonymity, a persona, a simulacrum. almost an OC of your ideal self you get to work on for sooo long until the changes happen, and by then you're emotionally attached to that OC, you want to be them So Bad. it's special rebirth. and many of those ppl... well not all, i do respect that some choose that path for other reasons and for healthier ones than others, i'm not 100% against transition/identification and not all dysphoria is healable, but as a detrans woman who's talked to many like me... MANY of these are just desperate people looking for good feelings and self-esteem, like i used to be. desperate ppl will grasp at anything they think will fix it, especially if luck is involved like hrt/surgeries where you don't actually fully know what the result will be and if you'll even like it, and if you don't you'll just be an ugly boring detrans reject. that's HIGH STAKES and for a mentally unwell person struggling w dysphoric symptoms it's addictive as hell and it makes you feel so special and makes your life finally feel thrilling like a movie, you have a vibrant community, you're finally interesting enough, and you'll finally be attractive enough after all the surgeries and hormones and with the cutest name and the most fitting pronouns and everybody will love you forever and will protect you from the big bad bigoted meanies who you should never talk to ever again shh any indecision is internalized transphobia and any worries from others is bigotry! just keep going!! never question anything or slow down ever and any therapy is just conversion therapy sweetie, don't listen to them <3

#lay text #radfem #radsafe #detrans

297 notes · View notes

is-the-post-reliable · 6 months

Note

Hello! I recently discovered your blog, and I love to see you fact checking claims in posts.

I have a question, if it’s not too much to ask: How do you know that a source is reliable? Especially when it comes to particularly contentious subjects where everyone will accuse each other of believing propaganda and spreading misinformation. I’ve seen internet arguments where someone will cite a source and the other person discredits it one way or another. It sometimes feels like a back and forth between people debunking each others’ claims. I’m just lost on how to know you’re getting good information when trying to stay informed.

Have a good day! Thank you for taking the time to run this blog,

hi! thanks for sending this in

So I don't think there's a universal answer to your question, and truthfully I'm not sure we can ever know for certain that any information is 100% reliable. Even the most prestigious sources can release misinformation -for example, The Lancet, possibly the most important academic journal, published the fraudulent article by Andrew Wakefield that led to people believing that vaccines cause autism.

No source is always reliable, but we can try to find the source most likely to be reliable!

In regard to news sources, tools like MBFC can help you get a general understanding of the political leaning and credibility. However, even highly rates sources can be biased, so it's good to consider what relationship the source might have to your research topic. For example, the BBC has generally high credibility, but is often accused of bias on specific topics, such as trans issues.

Also, make sure to take note on whether the article is an opinion article - these are more often biased.

When it comes to academic journals, the type of study you're looking at is important - for example, a meta analysis, which reviews many different studies on one topic, is generally more reliable than a randomised control study, which is generally more reliable than a case study. See the evidence pyramid below:

I would always recommend reading multiple sources, rather than relying on just one.

If someone disputes a source, it's a good idea to listen and think critically about what they're saying and whether you think it's a valid criticism. Are they citing a source? Are they using facts or opinions? Is their source reliable?

Uh I can't think of anything else, but if you're ever unsure about a source or want to talk about anything in more detail, feel free to message me about it!

#ask #Anonymous #not a fact check #how to #about

331 notes · View notes

furryprovocateur · 2 months

Note

I saw your post defending callout culture, and then dug deeper into your posts, i saw you condemning mullenweg and defending predstrogen, and also that you have smeared multiple trans women as pedophiles, like last december, including one of my mutuals. And like, sigh, dude you are literally one of the people making tumblr into "the transmisogyny website" You would have condemned predstrogen if you saw the callouts driving harassment for her, for "defending problematic kinks" or whatever. You are a massive hypocrite and basically mullenweg minus the wealth and influence, but nevertheless a transmisogynist. Like this post by decompose1 says it best:

"What will you do if the tgirl does have that weird kink you don't like, though? What if she does like diapers. or cnc. or whatever. Is she now callout-worthy? Is it now okay to ruin her life, post her extremely private content and messages, and make her a spectacle for the public to take shots at? Is the safety of transfems conditional on them having the most Correct and Moral sexual interests? Do you only protect the innocent wrongly-accused victims? What is the line between moral and immoral where the safety of another trans person no longer matters to you?" -decompose1

who are you. why are you digging through my posts. fan behavior

"you are mullenweg minus the wealth and influence" makes it very difficult to take any of your character critiques seriously, but i'm going to operate on good faith and do so anyway.

"you have smeared multiple trans women as pedophiles" okay, like who? "you like last december, including one of my mutuals" okay, what was the incident? is this about the txttletale post that i've deleted? because i was literally just complaining about a video game take i saw.

"you would have condemned predstrogen if you saw the callouts for her" lol predstrogen was my mutual and we regularly interacted. why are you speaking on her behalf like you know what she would say about me? if she is saying this, that's different. but you're a third party person telling me "actually you felt this way about someone you were on good terms with". do you understand how that is projecting?

at what point does kink even come into this conversation? am i allowed to be personally fucking uncomfortable with rape and incest as kinks? do you enjoy going into strangers' inboxes and being invasive about their opinions on things? i genuinely don't know who you are or what prompted this 20/20 level investigative journalism, but you're being vague and operating in extremely poor faith. i don't know how or why you expect me to take anything you say seriously when you've basically done the equivalent of hateread my blog and tell me i'm problematic because of it.

45 notes · View notes

ftmtftm · 10 months

Text

ftmtftm's reading (and watching) list

So I've been putting this list together to help people understand my beliefs and also to expand their own. This is a list of theorists, poets, authors, artists, and people that I often source from whose works have deeply impacted my framework of the world. I hope someone else can find them useful as well.

I've included several videos because I know how inaccessible academic text can be, but I do encourage you to read the text if you're able and seek out copies of books listed at your local libraries or independent book sellers/second hand book shops! When I could not find a PDF for a written work I have added Thrift Books links. Also double check the Internet Archive, Trans Reads, and The Anarchist Library for more readings!!

If any of these links break please let me know and I'll see what I can do to fix them. I'll be adding to this list as time goes on as currently these are just the books I can see on my bookshelf and videos I could remember I've seen before!

3.4.2024 - This list is slightly outdated in that there are several authors and works I need to add. Please seach the names James Baldwin and Audre Lorde or simply my reading list tag on my blog for additional resources.

Theory

Kimberlé Crenshaw:

Critial Race Theory: The Key Writings That Formed The Movement - thrift books

Mapping the Margins: Intersectionality, Identity Politics, and Violence against Women of Color - PDF

The Urgency of Intersectionality - video

Kimberlé Crenshaw Intersectionality is NOT identity - video exerpt from her WOW keynote speech

Angela Davis:

Angela Davis Criticizes "Mainstream Feminism" / Bourgeois Feminism - video

Angela Davis What it means to be a Revolutionary (1972 Interview) - video

Roxane Gay:

Bad Feminist: Essays - Internet Archive

Roxane Gay: Confessions of a bad feminist - video

Roxane Gay, Feminism and Difficult Women - video

bell hooks:

Feminism is for Everybody - PDF

The Will to Change - Internet Archive / audio book - YouTube

All About Love - PDF / audio book - YouTube

Teaching to Transgress PDF / audio book - YouTube

Speaking Freely: bell hooks - video

bell hooks & john a. powell: Belonging Through Connection (Othering & Belonging Conference 2015) - video

bell hooks & Gloria Steinem at Eugene Lang College - video (intro ends 7:24)

Emi Koyama:

The Transfeminist Manifesto - PDF

Ijeoma Oluo:

So You Want to Talk About Race - thrift books

Ijeoma Oluo Talks at Google - video

Public Presentation with Ijeoma Olua - video

History / Journals

P. Carl:

Becoming a Man - thrift books

Library Labyrinth Live Presents: P. Carl Becoming a Man - video (intro ends approx. 3:20)

P. Carl Prologue UCCS - video (audio quality poor)

Keith Haring:

Journals - PDF

Keith Haring Documentary - video

Keith Haring On The Fence - video

Jack Lowery:

It Was Vulgar & It Was Beautiful: How AIDS Activists Used Art to Fight a Pandemic - thrift books

Susan Stryker:

Transgender History - PDF

Transitions, with Susan Stryker - podcast - YouTube

Lou Sullivan:

We Both Laughed in Pleasure: The Selected Diaries of Lou Sullivan 1961-1991 - trans reads

Trans Oral History: Meeting Lou Sullivan - video

A series of video interviews with Lou - playlist

Fiction / Poetry

Chinua Achebe:

Things Fall Apart (novel) - PDF

I'm trying hard to not add too much of my own commentary to this post but personally I really think it's helpful to read Things Fall Apart in theoretical conversation with The Will to Change by bell hooks and in direct conversation with one of the works it was written in response to, The Heart of Darkness

Arundhati Roy:

The God of Small Things (novel) - thrift books

Arundhati Roy talks about her life and views on the world - video

Warsan Shire:

Bless the Daughter Raised by a Voice in Her Head (poetry collection) - thrift books

Warsan Shire reads her poetry - video

Zadie Smith:

White Teeth (novel) - Internet Archive

White Teeth (4 part Real Drama adaptation) - videos

Zadie Smith Interview: On Bad Girls, Good Guys and the Complicated Midlife - video

A Conversation with Zadie Smith - video

Pamela Sneed:

Funeral Diva (poetry and prose collection) - thrift books

Pamela Sneed Discusses "Funeral Diva" - video

I offer you a secret meme for your time (with books I still need to add to this list):

#original post #long post/#reading list

111 notes · View notes

officially-other · 12 days

Text

Intro post

Hello! My name is Frog. Don't ask me why I'm not frogkin, but my name is Frog, I don't know. /silly

If you're coming from my main blog:

Yup, this is the "super secret" otherkin account of @tadpoles-and-daydreams. I decided to make a separate account and blog for dragonkin and dragon work rambles, since... well, to be honest I just wanted to separate my blog for witchcraft writing, tarot, etc. from this. This is a more personal blog in which I'll really be getting into heavy UPG, dragon work, and what the hell does it look/feel like finding out your soul is draconic anyway?

And just in case: if you're coming from my main blog and are unfamiliar with any of the shit I'm talking about here in terms of otherkinity, dragonkin, being a dragon- please feel free to send in asks. I plan on writing more in-depth in a bigger post about what it is, what it's like, how I found out about it, etc. etc. but that will take a lot of time and energy that I currently don't have. Further down, though, I give the best TL;DR I can!

If you have no clue what the fuck the main blog is:

I talk about my experiences as a witch and meme about the funny side of witchcraft over there. Go there and check out my tarot readings if you want a dragon to throw some cards at you, or if you want to hear more about my craft outside of dragon work! I write a lot as a witch over there so if you like my witchy posts here, it's worth checking out.

He/him pronouns

Trans, panromantic, polyamorous, just generally queer

auDHD

My special interests include: Writing, Genshin Impact (I don't associate with most of the fandom they scare me), music, anime, the ocean, and "weird miscellaneous facts."

Dragonkin, specifically an amphitere.

local funny little witch man, I work with primarily with my deities and dragons and get bullied by a deck of cards a lot.

My familiar- though I hesitate to use that word due to its connotations as an "assistant" rather than a partner in my practice- is the one who kickstarted this by implying my energies were draconic in nature.

For everyone, regardless of how you found me:

This is where I plan to blog about my experiences when it comes to working with dragons, and fucking being one apparently. I want a safe space to write about my experiences, no matter how much I change. I feel like I've only dipped my toes into a vast ocean, a whole new aspect of my identity and my craft. I decided that I wanted to be able to write completely transparently about it- fears, mistakes, flaws and all- without it reflecting majorly on my main blog/my professionalism as a tarot reader who's just starting out.

So expect it all; the funny, the cool as fuck, the ranty posts, everything. This is just as much a tumblr blog as it is a journal, for me. I heavily value transparency, and that's something I can't be in public as an otherkin.

So I'll do it here instead. ^-^

Important posts:

[this is empty for now but just you heccin wait]

#otherkin #dragonkin #amphitere #amphitere kin #alterhuman #otherkinity #nonhuman #therian #??? is it rude to use that tag too I'm not therian but it's related to therian stuff #idk I'll leave it there and then if someone comes for my throat I'll change it #therianthropy #alterhuman community #otherkin blog #otherkin community

27 notes · View notes

anamericangirl · 9 months

Note

Hello, just discovered your blog and have gone through it I hope to not be an illiterate anon, apologies if i am, I'm very tired all the time. Your post appeared on my recommended and I'd like to respond.

If a doctor put a perfectly healthy person on chemotherapy because they walked into their office and said “I think I have cancer” that would be malpractice and the doctor would lose their license.

Let's check this. Quote from transcare https://transcare.ucsf.edu/transition-roadmap: "Requirements for a behavioral health evaluation and preparation in advance of chest and genital surgery, and the use of hormone therapy and presenting full time in one's chosen gender identity for 1 year before genital procedures, unless there is a medical or other reason that prevents meeting these requirements." What that means is kids do not just walk in at the first sight of dysphoria and ask. They've got to be committed to it for a year. What about dysphoria? How does one get diagnosed with it? Quote from mayo clinic https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/gender-dysphoria/symptoms-causes/syc-20475255#(sry if the link doesn't work) :

"Gender dysphoria might cause adolescents and adults to experience a marked difference between inner gender identity and assigned gender that lasts for at least six months."(bold mine) Six months. That's not just walking in and asking, that's again, a long time.

What if they regret it? There's an incredibly high regret rate. They're only kids, we know better than them. Well, those figures might have been exaggerated a little. Quote from transeqality "This study ( https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanchi/article/PIIS2352-4642(22)00254-1/fulltext ) found that 98% of youths prescribed puberty blockers went on to be prescribed hormone replacement therapy after turning 18." That means that 98 percent of kids knew they were trans and correct about it.

Quote from the same site "One Dutch study ( https://genderanalysis.net/2018/11/large-study-of-trans-people-in-the-netherlands-shows-growing-numbers-seeking-treatment-low-regret-rates/ ) of nearly 7,000 transgender people found that the rate of regret was less than 1% among those who received treatment as adults – and there were no cases of regret among those who received care before the age of 18."

To put that in perspective, 30 percent of people regret getting knee surgery https://www.aarp.org/health/conditions-treatments/info-2018/knee-replacement-surgery-regret.html

You claim to care about children? Check this out. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2022/ 45 percent of trans youth seriously considered suicide, and that number more than halved when they got support. Half.

Referral letters are required for a surgery. If a surgeon had a person who looked perfectly healthy come into their office and say "I have cancer, here's my proof of living in pain for 6 months, here's my proof of taking medicine, telling people I have cancer, my proof of going to support groups for my cancer, my cancer screenings, a signed letter from a specialist saying I have cancer, and one more for good measure." then the surgeon would get them surgery immediately because they do not specialise in cancer diagnosis. Yet this same thing happens for trans people all over the world where they're denied surgery by transphobic doctors.

Hi thanks for your thoughtful response. I have to disagree, though.

I have a couple of issues with your first point about surgeries and hormone therapy. First, one year is not that long to wait, especially if the person is a minor (and frankly this not should not even be an option for minors at all). If a perfectly healthy person walks into a doctor's office and says they have cancer and the doctor, instead of testing them for cancer, says "come back in a year and if you still feel that way we'll start chemotherapy" that's still malpractice.

Also, I would encourage you to listen to the testimonies of detransitioners because these "requirements" aren't always adhered to. One woman I was listening to who underwent transition as a minor said the first medical intervention she ever received was a double mastectomy.

And I wasn't just referring to surgeries and hormone replacement therapy with that post; I was also talking about puberty blockers. And if you consider Mayo Clinic a reliable source, this is what they list as the requirements for getting on puberty blockers.

In most cases, to begin using puberty blockers, an individual needs to:

Show a lasting pattern of gender nonconformity or gender dysphoria.

Have gender dysphoria that began or worsened at the start of puberty.

Address any psychological, medical or social problems that could interfere with the treatment.

Be able to understand the treatment and agree to have it. This is called informed consent.

This could all be accomplished in a single visit and just requires the doctor to ask a few questions.

No, six months is not a long time before diagnosing a severe mental illness where the next steps are essentially permanently altering your body.

And, mind you, this does not mean they have to be observed by a doctor for at least six months. It means it has to have been established that they have felt that way for at least six months. Meaning, a little boy can walk in and essentially the following exchange can take place:

Boy: I'm a girl

Doctor: How long have you felt that way?

Boy: About six months.

Doctor: Ok. I am diagnosing you with gender dysphoria.

Again, it can be diagnosed in a single visit. And btw, people can go through phases that last much longer than six months. That is nowhere near enough time to diagnose someone, especially a child, who is living in an environment where there gender confusion is being affirmed by the people around them, with gender dysphoria.

"What if they regret it? There's an incredibly high regret rate. They're only kids, we know better than them. Well, those figures might have been exaggerated a little. from transeqality "This study ( https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanchi/article/PIIS2352-4642(22)00254-1/fulltext ) found that 98% of youths prescribed puberty blockers went on to be prescribed hormone replacement therapy after turning 18." That means that 98 percent of kids knew they were trans and correct about it."

Ok so there's some important information being left out here and it's information that shows this study can't be really be a credible source of information for the rate of regret and it doesn't show that 98% of kids "knew they were trans and were correct about it."

First of all, the sample size of this study was only 720. Not that big. Most importantly, at the start of the treatment they were following the median age for boys was 14 and the median age for girls was 16. When they concluded the study the median age of boys was 20 and the median age of girls was 19 so this was only measured for about four or five years and can't be taken seriously as evidence of anything. Certainly not evidence that "98% of kids don't regret transitioning and know they are trans and are correct about it." That study is hardly long enough to show that children still consider themselves trans once they are adults.

This study, published in 2022, looked at a sample of about 1,000 individuals and found that the 4 year continuation rate of gender affirming hormone treatment is around 70%, which means the detransition rate is 30%. Not 1-2% like you suggest.

This study, while not a study on how many people detransition, looks at a number of people who have detransitioned (237, so not a lot) and reasons why they detransitioned. Here is a chart from the study showing that the main reason for detransitioning (70%) was realizing their gender dysphoria was related to other issues.

It's also worth noting that 45% of the people didn't feel "properly informed about the health implications of the accessed treatments and interventions before undergoing them."

This study also indicates that, at least for the detransitioners sampled, their detransitions happened approximately five years after they started their transition, which, interestingly, is right about the point of time the study you linked stops.

"Quote from the same site "One Dutch study ( https://genderanalysis.net/2018/11/large-study-of-trans-people-in-the-netherlands-shows-growing-numbers-seeking-treatment-low-regret-rates/ ) of nearly 7,000 transgender people found that the rate of regret was less than 1% among those who received treatment as adults – and there were no cases of regret among those who received care before the age of 18.""

This study was mostly following people who started transitioning when they were already adults and remember we're talking about kids here. And I don't know where you got the idea that "there were no cases of regret among those who received care before the age of 18" because I don't see that mentioned anywhere in the link you provided or the study itself. What I did see them mention was about 40% of the adolescents they evaluated started puberty blockers and then several stopped taking them without getting any further treatment.

"You claim to care about children? Check this out. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2022/ 45 percent of trans youth seriously considered suicide, and that number more than halved when they got support. Half."

I do care about children, but I don't trust the Trevor project. They are an activist organization and are only going to publish things that affirm their narrative, whether it's true or false. I suggest you look at data from both sides before taking the Trevor project at their word.

For example, I came across a paper that found an interesting phenomenon in the youth suicide rate.

In the past several years, the suicide rate among those ages 12 to 23 has become significantly higher in states that have a provision that allows minors to receive routine health care without parental consent than in states without such a provision. Before 2010, these two groups of states did not differ in their youth suicide rates. Starting in 2010, when puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones became widely available, elevated suicide rates in states where minors can more easily access those medical interventions became observable.

Rather than being protective against suicide, this pattern indicates that easier access by minors to cross-sex medical interventions without parental consent is associated with higher risk of suicide.

This suggests that the Trevor project is not entirely accurate and the suicide rate among youth tragically rose after having access to "gender affirming care."

"Referral letters are required for a surgery. If a surgeon had a person who looked perfectly healthy come into their office and say "I have cancer, here's my proof of living in pain for 6 months, here's my proof of taking medicine, telling people I have cancer, my proof of going to support groups for my cancer, my cancer screenings, a signed letter from a specialist saying I have cancer, and one more for good measure." then the surgeon would get them surgery immediately because they do not specialise in cancer diagnosis. Yet this same thing happens for trans people all over the world where they're denied surgery by transphobic doctors."

So you mean the doctor has to have substantial evidence that someone has cancer before treating them? Like a screening? As opposed to simply confirming that they've felt that way for a long time?

And I'm sorry but using the phrase "transphobic doctors" takes credibility away from your entire message. This is why transphobic doesn't mean anything anymore. You just use it to refer to anyone who thinks gender dysphoria needs to be determined by more than someone simply saying they feel like the opposite sex and have for a long time. It's not "transphobic" for a doctor to determine a person doesn't need a sex change surgery. Doctors are there to observe and treat people's physical and mental health, not affirm their feelings. And it's incredibly petty and disingenuous to refer to a doctor who denies someone a surgery after they have supposedly gone through all the requirements you said had to be met that they are transphobic.

So let me ask you, if all those requirements for surgery aren't met and the person is denied the surgery how is the doctor transphobic? You assure me that all these strict requirements must be met before people surgically transition so it's not just happening to anyone who walks in but at the same time if anyone who wants the surgery doesn't qualify then the doctor is transphobic. You're not being consistent.

There are two sides to every story. Make sure you're not just looking at one.

#anon #answered #long post

67 notes · View notes

crippleprophet · 9 months

Note

i want to thank you for your post from a few months ago about abandoning the idea that health is good. it's helped me process and unpack just how much the health framework has damaged me (and everyone; you could get multiple phds exploring how the concept of health categorizes and controls bodies!). and those ideas have extended beyond my personal life to my academic and professional writing and my interactions with loved ones - they've reached and impacted a lot of people.

i was a disabled child in a family of career athletes; the health paradigm was deeply engrained at an early age. now that i'm finally shaking those teachings, i've gotten a lot out of reanalyzing ideas i've always framed through a health lens. if it doesn't matter if i "eat healthily," since that's a meaningless concept, then how and why do i choose what i eat? why do i want to stretch regularly, if not because it's healthy and my doctors said it will improve my disability? how does my relationship with substance use change when health is taken out of the equation?

in these questions, i often find there's deeper and more satisfying reasons for my feelings and actions. this process reminds me of my experience with transness, in a way. reconsidering the concepts and assumptions underpinning a framework, deciding the whole framework is useless to you, and exploring what lies beyond it. thank you for opening such a freeing and fascinating door :-)

oh, woah, this absolutely made me cry, i truly can’t express how meaningful this is for me. (as you might know from following my blog lol) i’m homebound & only see two people in person unless i’m at the doctor, so this feeling of connection to other folks in my community is so deeply valuable, i really can’t thank you enough 💓💓

i definitely relate to the sense of rejecting health leading to a changed perspective on, like, everything in my life + prompting more intentional ways of engaging with my choices, routines, etc. following that theme of community, lineage, & ideas that ripple out, i’d love to take the time to mention just a few of the scholars, ancestors, comrades, & friends who have been life-changing for me in this area!

while there is a lot of transformative & vital work within disability studies, there’s still a lot of structural barriers against sick people’s contributions to formal theory + a lot of direct & indirect reinforcement of health as a good thing in the field. so i’ve found in many cases more resonant work in trans studies, mad studies, & postcolonial studies, by people affirming the pathology of their own identities & positions. just a few favorites of mine from within, across, & outside of these fields, in no particular order:

Sandoval-Sánchez, A. 2005. Politicizing abjection: in the manner of a prologue for the articulation of AIDS Latino queer identities. American Literary History. 17(3), pp.542-549.

Fritsch, K. 2013. On the negative possibility of suffering: Adorno, feminist philosophy, and the transfigured crip to come. Disability Studies Quarterly. 33(4).

Barounis, C. 2013. “Why so serious?” Cripping camp performance in Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight. Journal of Literary and Cultural Disability Studies. 7(3), pp.305-320.

Abrams, T. and Adkins, B. 2020. Tragic affirmation: disability beyond optimism and pessimism. Journal of Medical Humanities.

Stryker, S. 1994. My words to Victor Frankenstein above the village of Chamounix: performing transgender rage. GLQ: A Journal of Gay and Lesbian Studies. 1(3), pp.237-254.

Sexton, J. 2011. The social life of social death: on Afro-pessimism and black optimism. InTensions Journal. (5).

these were all immensely profound to me, but this last work, following Fanon, was such a complete & total frame shift for me that i feel the need to include some of it here (emphasis added):

This is precisely what Gordon argues is the value and insight of Fanon: he fully accepts the definition of himself as pathological as it is imposed by a world that knows itself through that imposition, rather than remaining in a reactive stance that insists on the (temporal, moral, etc.) heterogeneity between a self and an imago originating in culture. Though it may appear counterintuitive, or rather because it is counterintuitive, this acceptance or affirmation is active; it is a willing or willingness, in other words, to pay whatever social costs accrue to being black, to inhabiting blackness, to living a black social life under the shadow of social death.

This is not an accommodation to the dictates of the antiblack world. The affirmation of blackness, which is to say an affirmation of pathological being, is a refusal to distance oneself from blackness in a valorization of minor differences that bring one closer to health, to life, or to sociality.

[…] In a world structured by the twin axioms of white superiority and black inferiority, of white existence and black nonexistence, a world structured by a negative categorical imperative— “above all, don’t be black” (Gordon 1997: 63)—in this world, the zero degree of transformation is the turn toward blackness, a turn toward the shame, as it were, that “resides in the idea that ‘I am thought of as less than human’” (Nyong’o 2002: 389). In this we might create a transvaluation of pathology itself, something like an embrace of pathology without pathos.

To speak of black social life and black social death, black social life against black social death, black social life as black social death, black social life in black social death—all of this is to find oneself in the midst of an argument that is also a profound agreement, an agreement that takes shape in (between) meconnaissance and (dis)belief. Black optimism is not the negation of the negation that is afro-pessimism, just as black social life does not negate black social death by inhabiting it and vitalizing it. A living death is as much a death as it is a living.

if you want a pdf of any of these & are unable to find one feel free to hmu (although they will likely come with my annotations lol). this was a major topic of my master’s thesis for my disability studies degree (which was actually about disabled trans people, so i love that you connected this process of rejecting normality to transness in your own experience – i relate to that a lot) & i’m also happy to share that research with anyone who’s interested :)

i also have relevant thoughts & reblogs in my “stay sick” tag here (which i’ll add to this post) & my “embracing abjection” tag here + more broadly on my main.

& just a few of the many folks whose work + lives have shaped mine: @kelpforestdwellers @heavyweightheart @librarycards @crutchbutch @gatheringbones

i would also (always) absolutely love to hear more about your thoughts + writing if you would like to share! thank you again for taking the time to share this with me, i appreciate it more than i can say 💓💓

#asks #stay sick #embracing abjection #afropessimism #disability studies #happy tag #ok to reblog <3

46 notes · View notes

finding-comfort-in-pain · 6 months

Text

Intro post of sorts

♠ My backup account is @comforting-pain

♠ I'm Damien I use He/They pronouns

♠ Trans, Aro, Ace

♠ 16

♠ trying to get clean, this blog will be a recovery journal of sorts. Will contain triggering topics and i usually am too tired to properly tag.

♠ basic dni and 14+ interaction preferred

♠ sh for 5 years-ish

♠ this is a side blog so probably wont be mutuals with anyone, but i would love to get to know some people via messaging so feel free to reach out

20 notes · View notes

charliespringverse · 9 months

Text

iwbft — tuesday: a brief summary of my annotations

all highlighted quotes: 136

· ouch/ow/owie: 12

· real/felt/relatable/so true: 5

· aroace: 2

· ☹/☹☹/☹☹☹: 9

Rowan is on his front, one arm slung over Jimmy's chest. Jimmy's head is tilted ever so slightly towards Rowan. — i've woken up like this with at least half my friends

The shipping itself isn't a major inconvenience to any of us. If anything, it keeps the fans interested. They think Judgement Day will eventually come and there'll be a big reveal that Rowan and I are secretly in love. There won't. We're not. — @larry shippers in the year of our lord 2023

It's always sort of been Rowan and Jimmy, plus Lister. We still love him of course. But that's just the way it is. — PAIN (note: this is all caps, huge, and triple underlined)

'I talk about The Ark all the time. I don't know why this was a surprise.' 'Fereshteh, it was a little bit of a surprise to me too.' 'Why?' 'I suppose... I suppose I never thought you actually cared about this band that much.' — parents vs actually listening to and validating their interests (failed, always)

Juliet chuckles weakly and looks away. I know she's had some bust-ups with her parents in the past. — understatement of the millennium

I'm an optimist. I like to believe that love exists. — it Does it just isn't always romantic/sexual. but it exists So Much

'I feel bad... feeling so happy when they're probably upset,' — ur so close to getting it queen

'Can't we just go home?' Lister mumbles. 'No,' she says. — foreshadowing innit

Rowan and I follow him immediately, like there's a string attaching us — ... invisible string addition to the folklore trilogy?

Lister tells us to go away, but Rowan just walks up to him and starts rubbing his back as he throws up. — ♡ listerowan bestieism

There's a big window on one side of the bathroom. Big enough to climb out, probably. We're on the ground floor. We could just climb out and run. Get up and go. — FORESHADOWING INNIT

Being trans has been a pretty you can big part of my life so far, thanks, but that shouldn't be particularly relevant here, in an interview about our music. — u can Never escape other ppl's obsession w ur transness

Dave laughs and says again, 'Now that's honesty.' — FUCK YOU DAVE (note: this is all caps, huge, and quadruple underlined)

I ask God to give me a bit of extra patience. Because every time Mac speaks, I sort of want to put an entire bag of cotton wool in his mouth. — what God is for x

Being a male fan of obscure old bands is, for some reason, more acceptable than being a female fan of a twenty-first-century boy band. — (also the obscure old bands are rarely that obscure. they're one direction for old white men)

They know exactly who they are. They put it in their blog about' page, they put it in their Twitter bio. I never know what to put in my Twitter bio so I usually just put an Ark lyric in there. — and when u enter ur confident aro-ace era? what then?

I like to think God does have a plan for everyone. But I also think there's too much shit in the world for all these plans to be perfect ones. Or maybe God doesn't have time to write a plan for everyone. And some of us are just trying our best and getting it a bit wrong. — i think this is why faith doesnt work for me

Everything's still there, though. My journals, my guitar, my main laptop, my childhood teddy bear, and the knife that Grandad gave me when I was sixteen. — now i want to know what he would admit to in one of them essentials interviews

It'd be useless as an actual weapon, since it's completely blunt - you can run your finger along the edge and not even get a scratch. — hhhh foreshadowing innit ☹

Not that he particularly goes seeking it. Everyone just wants to be friends with Lister Bird. — and yet he cares most abt getting closer to the two he shouldn't have to try for ☹

David [Tennant] thought she wanted a selfie, when in fact she was just trying to find the nearest toilet. — iconic

'Now, there'd better be some fucking Capri-Suns somewhere around here.' — me @ every function

When they were together they both seemed to stop worrying about everything else in their lives - Rowan was no longer an overworked band boy and Bliss was no longer a struggling student. They were just together. — ☹ justice for laimondi

Then he leans in and presses his lips against mine. Oh. Okay. Fine. This is fine. Can't say I realised this conversa- tion was going in this direction, but fine. — BAD (note: this is all caps, huge, and double underlined)

'But we're gods, Jimmy. What's better than that?' — pain. suffering. agony. heartache. torture, torment, anguish.

Holding it makes me feel real. It reminds me that I was born. That my life is something other than this birdcage I'm trapped in. Isn't it? Isn't it? — has his therapist ever discussed depersonalisation with him?

#iwbftreread #les go day 2 babey #(i reas this a lot earlier in the day i've just not rlly had the chance to access tumblr while travelling)#anygay less longwinded post coming later

21 notes · View notes

transenbyconfessions · 1 year

Note

I genuinely do not know if I am trans (would be ftm) or not and i'm just so tired of not knowing. I started questioning my gender seriously around 3 years ago (i'm 23 now) but have always been somewhat GNC and felt different. When I say serious questioning I mean everyday most of the time the question 'am I trans?' is at the front or back of my mind. I have kept a private journal in a word doc of my gender related thoughts which has built up to over 12,000 words now. I have tried online tests, watching trans YouTubers talk about their experiences, reading books, articles by trans people, blogs, looking at all sorts of trans resources. But I still don't have a definitive answer. I thought I would have figured it out by now. There has been no lightbulb moment, no definite yes or no, just so much uncertainty. I can't come out without knowing for sure because I know most people in my life would not be happy and I just can't take that risk. Honestly i'm just so lost and I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I can't seem to find any resources/ accounts from people who have struggled so much with not knowing which aren't super vague and unhelpful.

Submitted April 26, 2023

32 notes · View notes

shaampoo · 7 months

Note

*Bams the door down*

Hello!

Tell me about your ocs please! All the random facts! Well not technically all, just some of them, you get what I mean. XD

I Want To Know More!

And also how's you been? And what do you think about everything that exists? =>

Random facts time!!!

Ill try to list them in order of like, my first OC to my most recent OC's

Jinx first!!!

Jinx was once turned into a cat by the villains, and Jinx was pretty chill about it really, they loved knocking stuff over at the villain base, and since the villains thought they was just turned into a cat, no JInx inside, they just assumed it was normal cat behavior

Jinx is a magpie, like they LOVE shiny stuff, like, once, the heroes and villains were fighting over an ancient artifact, who gets it, the heroes want it so that they know the villains cant abuse it, and the villains want it for power, and then Jinx just ups and steals it just cause its shiny

Jinx has a twin brother Aegis, hes the opposite of Jinx, a hero, no-nonsense, his powers is to create shields, i made him after i made Jinx, but using the base i made for Jinx

Aegis is Bisexual and up for poly btw (i even thought about making him date the leader of the heroes and the leader of the villains just for the shits and giggles,)

Jinx lives with their brother (Aegis is older by 2 minutes ["best 2 minutes of my life" lol], cause their parents kicked Jinx out at 18, and Aegis was disgusted by that, so he lived with Jinx

Jinx didnt get much attention as a child, so that's why they're what they're like today, he has flair, a loud voice, just so that they get attention,

also, Jinx had to mostly fend for themself as a child, and they were given almost no supervision, since their parents gave Aegis more attention and training, believing that AEgis was more fit to be a superhero, so Jinx could do whatever, really, so they ate a lot of candy, thus giving themselves a sweet tooth. This is also why Jinx is childish, they wasn't allowed to be a child back then so their allowing themselves to be a child

Also, im starting to wonder if Jinx does have a label on what side they're on, like, anti-heroes, to my research, do bad things for good. Anti-villains do good things for bad stuff, so I don't know if Jinx does have a side, cause they just do their own thing, sometimes joining the villains, sometimes joining the heroes, sometimes being an annoyance to both, so like, they're undecided i guess?? (Kinda like they're gender, it switches lol) Lemme look something up real quick...i guess JInx is like a rogue?

Also, Jinx, having no side, maybe has a lair of their own, a small one though, I've been thinking maybe a candy shop? Like, there's a basement of operations down there, and there's a candy shop up top?

Also, Jinx is Chaotic Lawful (or lawful chaotic), where they have a moral code, no one knows what it is though, but thank goodness its there

At first, i wanted to make Jinx have a double life as Casey, but then the more i thought about casey and their stories, it kinda spiraled into casey becoming their own character,

Now, onto Casey!!! Doing this cause he inspired a TON of characters

Caseys a trans man (aka ftm,), and has transitioned now.

He's a tired photographer and journalist (online), goes to college, engineering, he lives with his brother, Ryan Thompson (or Velocity as his hero name), also lives with his brother

Casey is Ryans adopted little brother, Caseys parents are Lady Luck and Mr. Misfortune (idk if i should give him siblings he was separated from)

So pretty much Casey has terrible and Amazing luck, they don't cancel each other out

This is pretty much where chaos happens around casey, but casey somehow gets out unharmed, which is great for his Photography and Journalism blog cause he usually stumbles into super fights!

Also, Caseys like, the go-to kidnapping victim for the villains, where they kidnap him a lot (they don't hurt him, cause i think I'm leaning more into comedy in my world ), and the heroes save him a lot, this led to him knowing a lot about both sides, also, once, Casey got out of his binds when the villains kidnapped him and left him, and instead of escaping, he takes pictures of the lair first, and gets out, and then proceeded to post the pictures and compliment the villain's style.

Also, Casey usually doesnt talk, mostly to people he doesn't know that much, if he's with Ryan or anyone he's really comfortable with, he will not shut up, showing them pictures, stuff he made using engineering, etc.

Also, every character inspired by Casey (like, they first started out as, haha, what if Casey was ___) has a white streak on their hair, so if you see an OC of mine with a white streak, you know what that means!

Now, Dr. Wilde!!

As you know, Dr. Wilde is a crazy scientist!

Dr. Wilde allows Lumi to call him Ezra (at first Lumi called him Dr. Ezra, but as they got more close Lumi started to call him Ezra, like a friend)

Casey has interviewed Dr. Wilde at some point, and even took pictures of his lab, and Casey has taken care of Tar once (picturing Tar and uploading to the internet how weird the rat is, and that once, the rat got in the oven while Casey was baking and it somehow survived)

Dr. Wilde has dyed Tar's fur a bit (haven't decided what color yet), just so that he can differentiate between the lab rats and Tar

Dr. Wilde's lab is right next to his room (which is like a house, having a kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, etc.),

Dr. Wilde rarely leaves his lab / room, as he isn't really interested in the outside world, and when he does leave, he brings Tar with him, and Tar is just perched over Dr. Wilde's shoulder

Dr. Wilde is pretty short, compared to other villains (i should make a height chart actually), where the villains tower over him

Dr. Wilde has green eyes, also, if you look at him, he WILL stare into your soul, no one has ever seen him blink,

Now, Onto Darian Knight / Eclipse!!

As you can see, Darian is inspired by casey,

Darian, at first, joined the heroes to spite his dad, who was a villain back then, but after a while, he did come to like being a hero

Darian joined when he was 18, and he's surprised people still think he's a villain

Solar Flare and Casey are the few people who believe he's a genuine hero, Solar Flare cause he's worked with Darian long enough to know he's being genuine, and Casey cause he interviewed anough people to know whats a lie and whats not, Lumi also knows Casey isn't a villain

Sunny Knight / Lumi!!

He joined the villains at 19, about the same time as Darian,

At home with their parents, Sunny and Darian are more civil, more sibling-like,

In the battlefield, Sunny and Darian try to incapacitate each other than hurt, since, yknow, they're siblings. But they don't fight in the battlefield much, since sometimes Sunny and Darian converse, and the hereos and villains think that Sunny and Darian are teaming up and switching sides (Darian to villains and Sunny to heroes),

Also, Lumi joined the villains just because he could, and it looked fun

i dont have much on newer OC's lol, since i havent fleshed them out much lol

I also have a few more OC's i haven't talked about / fleshed out that much, like they're just an idea, but not a person yet.

Like uhh

Viz:

Theyre a hero with high anxiety, but despite having anxiety, and knowing he would get attention, interviews, etc. He still decides to be a hero, since to him, its the right thing to do. I still haven't showed them yet cause 1. i haven't drawn them yet, 2. with anxiety like them, i want to make sure i represent them well and make them realistic and that i don't make them like a stereotype

Starlight / Adrian Celeste:

Hes a self absorbed egocentric hero, and he's vain, he's kinda a joke hero i thought about, where like, he's self absorbed to the point its funny, hes still nice though, he doesn't show it much though, since he doesn't want to seem vulnerable and stuff. a simple backstory I thought about is that he was put down back then when he was young, so to make himself more confident, he started to compliment himself, and other stuff, but then it quickly spiraled put of control, and now hes like this. He also carries a mirror with himself at all times, just to admire himself, and his mirror in his room has sticky note surrounding where his face would be, and it says "perfect" "amazing" etc. also, he can glow, heal, teleport, and kinda has the ability to see the future (in like a vague way, like, he sees the stars and can sense something in the future, but its just really vague)

Jester / R.J. Santos: (Civilian name im not sure on yet)

Theyre a villain, a non serious villain, think like a cartoon villain, a goofy villain, they dont do any harm, just there to have fun. they also wanted to name themselves Jester Jinx, but since Jinx already had the name, they were okay with going with just Jester. Also, he's filipino. Also, he cares for young heroes (being an impromptu dad himself [long story where a kid of a hero wanted to be a villain, but the parent wanted them to be a hero, so the kid ran away, and got to casey, and casey took care of them and helped them be a villain {the kids, actually a teen, like 16, the teen is names Shadowstrike and their civilian name is Micheal, they hate the name by the way},]), and once, casey saw that the heroes were sending young heroes to his base to defeat him, and R.J. doesn't spot a singular a singular adult there, so he makes the young heroes (teens and even kids) sit down and stuff, and then he calls the heroes (he has their number cause they're usually on good terms), and yells at them over the phone for sending kids to a villain, and that they could've gotten hurt, and he gets so angry he starts shouting in filipino. Also! R.J. has a big family (based off my family), where his great grandma had 12 kids, and those kids (his grandparents and grand aunties and uncles) had kids (about 3 each), his aunties and uncles, and they have kids as well (about 3-5), his cousins and such, and his cousins had children as well, R.J. tries to remember them all by name, but its pretty hard, cause like, he has about

...

three- three thousand, three thousand family members?! Uhm, hold on i gotta ask my mom something about my family, or my dad since that family is on his side

Oh thank god, i only have 106 family members,

uh, so like, new and revised family tree!

my famly is gonna be R.j's family (cause holy fuck no way am i writing 3 thousand family members , J.C.) that's whats R.J's family is gonna be, 106 family members,

Anyways, ive been doing okay-ish! Could be better, but could be worse XP (lets just say the AO3 author curse is real). And i think of things that exist are poggers.

#shae's shit #Shae's OC #OC ask #THANKS FOR THE ASK YAYAY

7 notes · View notes

xanderxone · 8 months

Text

9/18/2023

Journaling Is Stimming

The moment I fell in the autism rabbit hole, I started devouring videos and the ones about stimming always seemed to grab my attention. One idea that was consistent across all the videos is that autistic people stim to release excess energy that gets built up in their bodies. It has to do with the idea of autistic inertia which I will probably make a post about sometime later.

I have always had what I considered to be an overactive imagination. I often get stuck in my own fantasy worlds in my head or replay conversations or fret about the future or fret about the present or get so lost in a special interest that I can think of nothing else. Wow. I actually spend way more time in my own head than I thought. And while there are times where this is something that I absolutely love about myself, like when I have to drive 3 hours on a long boring highway to my hometown to visit my family. Sometimes I actually look forward to just having 3 hours alone in a car to list to music and let my mind roam. But for the other 99% of my life, I need to actually be present and paying attention. So now I will be on the lookout for my tell-tale circular thoughts so I can just write them down and get them out instead. I've also started to employ a similar strategy at work because I often find myself in situations where I have a question about something that will probably get answered later but I just want to make sure I don't forget to check it. And I have actually started to just write those things down in OneNote and saving them to review later. AND WHEN I TELL YOU THE STRESS THAT HAS JUST WASHED OFF OF ME BECAUSE NOW I KNOW I WON'T FORGET IT LATER IS PALPABLE. I feel like I love my job again and I feel the joy coming back that was gone for a long time.

And so, dear reader, I think if I start writing down anything that gets stuck inside my head, it will be a stim and move all that anxious energy outside of me. And in turn, I will be able to harness a lot more of my mental capacity for other, more important things. AND I WILL STOP FUCKING FORGETTING EVERYTHING.

An interesting emotion that all of this is bringing up is one of shame and humiliation. And I know that it's irrational so I'm keeping it at arm's length to avoid being truly upset by the emotion, but it's existence is intriguing. God I sound like a robot sometimes. Anyway, I think its because I feel really dumb for not realizing all of this sooner? I do struggle a lot with depersonalization issues which I think has also led to me not realizing I was trans until... the same time I learned I was autistic. Look, it's been a really long year, okay? But I think all of the things that have made me incredibly good at masking all these years are the same things that have made me feel like I have a very limited sense of self. I think I'm gonna work on developing one.

One last thing: I always felt like a journal had to be neat and organized and pretty or else it wasn't right. And so I would spend all this time trying to get it perfect and it wasn't sinking in that the whole point is to journal your thoughts and get them out. And so I just felt like it did nothing for me but it's because I was dumb. This blog will be a way for me to stim when I need to get things out. And then I'll also keep a pretty journal full of pages of stickers and pieces of paper that I rip up and glue down that can be a creative outlet for when I need to get out creative energy (it's called junk journaling and if you are a little packrat gremlin who loves tactile doodads and thingies and art, you will love it. And all of the supplies are SO CHEAP online. Look it up on tiktok. Trust me.)

I feel like I might be getting an A in therapy.

--Xander

#adventures in autism #please be kind to me #I am but a goofy boy online #just trying to find his way #journal #diary #autism #self diagnosis #self diagnosed autism #audhd #audhd things #audhd ideas

7 notes · View notes

ram-bam-writes · 11 days

Text

Howdy!

Since there's quite a few of y'all who enjoyed my first fic, I figured I'd give a bit of an introduction about myself and some rules/guidelines of the blog while I work on the full version :>

So... Here we go!

You can call me Ram or Hermes, it doesn't really matter! I'm a 20+ year old college student working towards my BA in Mass Communications and Journalism. My pronouns are it/its, but you can use any if "(derogatory)" is put after said pronoun. If I'm not at least a little insulted at your choice of pronoun, it's the wrong pronoun (/lh)

I love writing, crafting, and creating. Since I can't exercise due to medical issues ('tis I, a disabled hoe!), I developed a love of art and writing as a form of expression :>

I love Top Gun, COD, Marvel, Star Wars, Transformers, and so much more. Like... a lot more.

If you want, you're more than welcome to drop requests or a chat, but given that I am disabled and can struggle to actually type, things may be slow at times. But, I love people, so don't be shy! If you post it non-anonymously, at the very least I will gush about it with you I a dm :>

This is an 18+ blog. Please respect that, and if I suspect a problematic interaction, I will block you. If there's a mistake, give me an anonymous ask with your tag and include your rough age in your bio (ie 18-25 / 18+ / [exact age]) so you can join the Ram Bam Fam!

I tend to write for gender neutral readers without true references to anatomy. This likely will not change, even with a gendered request. There's enough fem stuff in fandoms and I write for fun, so I'll keep it enby or masc at the most. However, I will do trans-based topics. Really, I prefer writing for minorities since we don't get enough rep. This is personal preference, and may fluctuate case-by-case :>

This is a safe place for all minorities. Hate won't be tolerated. I will simply block you. We're adults. Act like it. Trust that I have the maturity to handle my own, and the will to protect my people. And my people include the lovely hoes that enjoy my work, too. So if you're in the Ram Bam Fam, know you can come to me if there's something happening I may not be aware of, and I can offer as much assistance as my disabled self can

This is a growing blog, so feel free to join the ride as I continue to grow! It may be slow or bumpy, but I reckon we'll do just fine :>

Welcome to the Ram Bam Fam!!

~Hermes

#ram bam

2 notes · View notes

sleetmonster · 1 year

Text

i'm summarizing some thoughts i had over on discord here, bc maybe this would be an ok place to shout about this kinda stuff after all.

i don't like twitter. i still use it, a little, mostly to check up on art and on folks i don't often keep up with otherwise. and that's kind of the point, for me - what i want out of social media a sort of big group space where people gather to chat and make jokes and show art and share wisdom, and that's not how twitter is built. at its core, twitter is a machine that uses misery to milk you for ad revenue.

it's a website with the primary goal of making money, and as with anything that holds a similar goal, it should absolutely be judged based on that understanding. it's only ever going to masquerade as a social site, because what it actually wants is to keep you there, and keep you engaged so that you look at more ads. it's going to force "curated" timelines and it's going to drive you crazy with follower counts and view counts and likes and retweets. it's going to throw misinformation and hate-bait at you. i feel like doomscrolling is a symptom of this kind of social media, but that it could have been structured to avoid that sort of thing.

and i think there is something good about having social media. even without the pandemic forcing isolation on a lot of us, it's harder to really hang out and be social offline these days. stores and malls are all closing up, everything has a progressively higher price tag, there aren't a lot of community spaces. plus you've got folks like me - queer, trans, some mysterious flavor of neurodivergent, who is necessarily nervous around the general public by default. you don't know who is going to want to make a big scene because you're wearing a mask, or who is going to want to murder you because your appearance trips up their constantly scanning gender-role-o-meter. it's not like i can just find a community among my physical neighbors without having to build up a whole false persona to hide inside. so having a gathering place online, where people i am more likely to feel safe around can congregate, is a fantastic thing.

the problem is just that twitter ain't it. i don't think tumblr really is either. it too needs to make money, so it's going to do what it can to make money. and you've still got followers and notes and all these blog statistics which are just inherently unhealthy. it's a better place i think for artists, just because the things you post don't get Lost To The Timeline as easily, but tumblr feels less like a social forum and more like a bunch of people writing in journals where you can read others at your leisure and maybe write a comment in the margins before you leave.

the more i think about it, the more i realize i kind of miss web 1.0 forums. slower paced than discord maybe, but broadly accessible, organized, and thoroughly archived. it's funny to think how much we really got right in the earlier days of the internet, before the specter of capital started infesting its walls.

24 notes · View notes