#i like to imagine she had all the traditionally feminine interests with the clothes and jewellery and all

[anthurak]

Continuing on the topic of the possibility of a Charlie/Vaggie/Emily polycule*, I thought I’d discuss a few other thoughts on why these three could totally work together:

Assuming that Vaggie was originally human, and perhaps has even ‘become’ human again in a way with the removal of her wings, then these three together could represent an interesting thematic ‘trinity’ bridging Hell and Heaven: We have a Demon (Charlie), a Human (Vaggie) and an Angel (Emily) all coming together.

Next, and this could have some interesting implications for the next two episodes if we get a B-plot focused on Vaggie, given just how SIMILAR Charlie and Emily are, if Vaggie had to spend any amount of time with Emily, you can’t tell me she wouldn’t start falling for Emily too. Or that Vaggie trying to stay angry/jealous of Emily and failing miserably wouldn’t be completely hilarious.

Additionally, you know how Charlie’s and Vaggie’s character designs are clearly meant to subvert a lot of traditional gender norms? Like how Charlie is has a lot traditionally feminine/‘girly’ personality traits like being super upbeat, cheerful, friendly and kind, yet dresses exclusively in masculine clothes and is taller than her partner, while Vaggie has a lot of traditionally masculine/butch personality traits yet wears much more feminine clothing and is the shorter of the pair? Well imagine if Emily ends up following this trend if/when she joins Charlie and Vaggie in Hell?

Like say, Fallen-Angel!Emily ends up going PURE emo/goth/punk look, while of course remaining exactly the same upbeat, cheerful cinnamon roll just like Charlie that she was before. And maybe cheerfully dropping f-bombs left and right because she can swear now and thinks cussing is really fun!

*Speaking of which, have we settled on a ship name for these three yet? I realize ‘Chaggiem’ works well enough (and sounds amusingly similar to ‘requiem’ of all things) but personally I think ‘Unholy Trinity’ is pretty good. Alternatively, ‘Two and a Half Halos’.

[cordycepsfem]

Pageboy Readthrough, Part Three

Previously

EP goes on a date (that she does not describe fully which irritated me because it's lazy writing)

during said date she's asked "when did you know" which means "when did you start liking things traditionally done/enjoyed by boys/men but can also definitely totally be done by girls/women as well"

EP says "four" which is not a thing

this leads to a very long and trying chapter about how EP did things that again, you can do if you are a girl, or if you are actually just a child of either sex

EP tries to make friends

EP has a boyfriend; they get called "f slurs" by teenagers and EP revels in being thought of as a boy (note: she just has a short haircut)(also second note: who revels in being called a slur? Jesus)

there is a lengthy discourse about a boat explosion in 1917 Halifax which is tangentially related to things being discussed in the chapter but interested me enough to go learn more about it today

EP refers to Halifax's gay community in 1917 as "queer" and your reviewer ended the night before she put her fist through the wall of her very, very hot apartment

You can now find previous parts of this readthrough here.

Now

Chapter Four

EP and her mom move to a new home

it is nice; people do normal people things there

Not a boy.

EP talks about playing in the bathtub with action figures; again, this is a thing that all kids did

her mom supports her imaginative play

EP has a crush on the girl in Honey I Shrunk the Kids

EP's mom is a good teacher

together they watch hockey and eat Canadian food (ketchup chips burned my tongue off last year when I visited but hey nobody's perfect)

There is a three-paragraph stint here that got me in the chest.

So let's talk this one through. A female child didn't like wearing restrictive clothing that female children are made to wear. Tights are awful no matter if you think you're a boy or not. No one should wear them. (I am correct on this and I do not take notes.) Dresses are confining and most girls are told to not do certain things when you're in them. Your humble reviewer wore dresses almost every single day throughout her childhood so she climbed trees, rode her bicycle, went wading, performed science experiments, jumped rope, hid during hide and seek, went sledding, and played any number of other games and sports in them. Was I told to stop, to be more feminine, to be a young lady, to be more "modest"? Yes. Would it have been easier in pants? Fuck yes. But I wasn't going to stop doing the things I wanted because I was wearing dresses and tights.

"Boy as friends should have been over"? What? Is there an age where one cannot be friends with a boy? It must be older than 36, because I am younger than 36 and still friends with many boys. They are now called men, of course, but I have had friends who were boys for all of my childhood and teenage years and my Catholic mother didn't find that strange. (After all, Jesus had many friends who were boys, and many friends who were girls.)

Mothers sometimes want things for you that you don't want but they want. It is okay to let go of those things. It is okay to start to forge your own path. Wear dresses when they want, once a year or whatever. Play nice. Take it off as soon as you can. Learn to negotiate "nice pants and a sweater" into the equation as soon as you can. It doesn't mean you're a boy.

And EP's Mom - who sounds a lot like my mom on this topic - was right - being someone who is GNC or who is even a bit different (for instance, someone who might be a closeted lesbian) is going to make your life more difficult, because kids are assholes who believe strongly in pattern recognition so any outlier is going to be attacked. My huge imaginary world was built to protect me from all of the bullying I received. I was happiest alone because no one bullied me there. I still wasn't a boy. I was just a weird kid who would one day realize she was a lesbian.

EP says she has never doubted her mom's love for her

but she feels like her mom didn't know how to say "no" to things that were harmful and her mom made her conform because she didn't know what else to do

EP tells a story about trips she and her mom would take to a beach where they did things like enjoy the natural scenery and pretend they had walkie talkies

it leads to this

This is why thirty-somethings have no business writing memoirs, and it's only half-because of the sappy dramatic writing. EP, you are still free. You can still have any kind of relationship with your mom you want. You can even make your relationship better.

EP liked snow days

she and her mom went to Tim Hortons and got hot beverages

sledding was also nice and leads to further fanciful writing

I'm getting to a point in this book where I'm honestly wondering how it's going to end. And I don't mean that in a a negative way (although there are times when I'm reading that I have to physically push on my lips because I feel like I'm wading through molasses trying to make sense of it all), but in the way that EP and I come from not dissimilar backgrounds, had not dissimilar childhoods, and - so far - have similar feelings about those things, and I need to know how it gets from Point A to Point B. We both came out as lesbians, we both have gender dysphoria. I want to know what the justification was for the massive body modification and a trans identity over therapy, or if EP's going to talk about therapy at all. I want to know how she settled on leaving her wife. I want to know if she thinks of herself as straight.

I can honestly only read one or two chapters a night because some of this hurts - it feels too close to home. I am understanding how someone like EP, like me, like a lot of weird and maybe undiagnosed girls, gets to a point where "not being a girl" is the best choice. I want to know what the tipping point is.

[toasteaa]

OK UNHINGED RAMBLING CAUSE IM IN MY FEM NIKO MOOD BUT

imagine fem!niko approaching eclair on how to be more feminine, in a sense that she just wanted to do traditionally feminine things that she never got to do because of the way she had to look and act tough in order to survive.

unlike usual where she's snappy, sassy and overall treats eclair like a disappointed daughter, she just approach her asking if she knows how to "do tea parties" or "have dresses that are too small for her old ass" cause she's totally not asking for herself

nawr i feel like fem!niko would have had trouble connecting with women or womanhood as opposed to male!niko cause she wasn't exposed to a lot of what a normal young girl should and i just rlly like the image of eclair applying makeup to her face and teaching her how to do it

NO IM NOT WEAK SHUSH QDBBSBDJF

I WAS SUPPOSED TO ANSWER THIS LAST WEEK BUT WAKJFHAKJF I'M CATCHING UP ON EVERYTHING AT MY DESK I'M SORRYYYYY

Sobs...Eclair geting that little twinge in her heart over fem!Niko coming to her without an attitude for once and asking (still a bit biting and defensive, but far less than usual) if she knows how to do all of these "silly girly things"...

I can't get my head on straight about this but the thought of Eclair taking a day off of work to take her around the city and see what kind of "silly girly things" might pique fem!Niko's interest is so healing to me. It's similar to what Eclair's childhood friend did for her after her mother went missing. Stopping by smaller, less flashy shops that have simpler clothing selections so fem!Niko can find a style she might like, stopping by a market to buy some ingredients to make some tea cakes and treats to have a small tea party at home to explain and give fem!Niko a better idea of what they're like before taking her to some fancy cafe to have one; Eclair pinning fem!Niko's hair out of the way and sitting her in front of a vanity to help her with makeup might be the death of me tbh.

Not to capitalize on Eclair's older sister/auntie vibes, but this is also something that she wished she could have done with her own mother growing up. And being able to do this for fem!Niko is something that will sit warmly in her chest for awhile. Not so much because she asked Eclair about more feminine things in general, but because she felt comfortable enough to come to Eclair to express that she wanted to try things she hadn't done when she was younger.

[suth-sardian]

the one with the perfectly steady hands: Qataqenthe

[tolkien-feels]

I'll be honest with you, I've never connected with the Valar, and like half of them just blur together for me because in my mind so many of them have the same personality. But I saw your outfit choices and suddenly it clicked?? I actually like them now? I'd love it if you could go into detail about how you picked each outfit because they're WORKING for me like no art has ever done. You have my eternal gratitude!!!!

Oh thank you so much! I'm biased because I love the Valar, so I'm thrilled to spark some interest! A couple of disclaimers, though.

1) I have a folder where I just... save pictures I think have the Correct Vibe for each Vala. So there's no logic behind this, no internal consistency whatsoever. I can explain why I love each picture but not my reasoning, exactly

2) Tumblr won't let me add 16 images so I've made quick google photos collages. But this means the pictures get cropped, so to see details please refer to the original post.

Manwe & Varda

Aule & Yavanna

My basic idea for them was "If you couldn't pick them as king and queen in a crowd I'm doing it wrong." I also really wanted to have a white/gold-black/silver theme going on to reflect the idea of daylight and nightsky.

Manwe needed imperial vibes but of the civilian rather than military kind - I wanted an outfit that projected an idea of a wise governor of a prosperous realm.

Varda needed as much jewelry as a person can possibly use because she should look starry, but I didn't want her to look too haughty either.

Otherwise, I just... like these pictures for no logical reason.

Vana & Orome

I really wanted them to contrast while complimenting each other. Manmade vs natural: the colors of metal being worked for Aule, and the colors of a field ready for harvesting for Yavanna.

Aule had to have belt ornaments, I don't know why, but I can't imagine him otherwise.

For Yavanna, I wanted to make her seem mature and refined but also one of the most companionable-looking Valier, which is why I have very few Yavanna picks in my folder :/

Mandos & Vaire

Vana had to look extremely youthful and gentle - my headcanon is that if Yavanna is fall, Vana is spring. So I just want to deck her in flowers and soft colors. She's easy to find outfits for.

Orome? A nightmare. In my mind, he is basically this tiktok. I often flirt with having Orome wear extremely casual styles of hanfu, but the problem is that when you put him next the others he seems more like a Maia than one of the Aratar! So these days my solution tends to be stuff that makes me think "this looks extremely unpractical for your lifestryle, Orome, are you sure this is a good idea?" while looking too simple for the other Valar. An extremely scientific method, I know.

Este & Lorien

I wanted them both to look somewhat stern.

Mandos also needed to have a very clean design, since I tend to picture him vanishing in the background unless he's speaking. Traditionally, it's white rather than black that is the color of mourning in Chinese culture, but I didn't want Mandos to appear like he's mourning - that's Nienna.

For Vaire, I always want beautiful textiles, and a certain harshness in form, while keeping things very sophisticatedly feminine.

Tulkas & Nessa

Pastel gradients my beloved. They both must have a dreamlike quality. Like Mandos, I like my Lorien understated - I enjoy imagining him walking silently among resting people never disturbing them. For Este I tend to go for the opposite of Vaire in every way. All soft, flowing lines, something that looks comfortable.

Ulmo & Nienna

Ah yes the couple most likely to be the patron Valar of gyms.

I don't think I've ever looked at an outfit with broad sleeves and thought "Tulkas!" - he needs to look like he's ready to fight someone at all times. But Tulkas is also fun-loving, so I often go with red and gold, the most stereotypical festive colors I can think of.

For Nessa, I tend to picture her dancing as Dunhuang dance so her clothes tend to look very different from those of the other Valier, though I don't go all out on the Dunhuang aesthetic so she won't look completely different from all the other Valar. I also picture her as a bit of a tomboy, so I tend to look durable-looking fabrics for her, and not that much jewelry.

Ulmo and Orome are tied for hardest Valar to dress (Yavanna wins for the Valier, undisputed.) Tbqh I'm not sure I even love this one for him. He has to dress in watery colors, of course. Then, I want to add some gravitas to him. The problem is that he also needs to have something of the flow of water. What kind of fabric can portray both heavy authority and the lightness of liquid?? I don't know. So far my favorite is this one because while the fabric is very watery, the cut is rather formal, reminiscent of Aule's.

I love the idea of weimao (veiled hats) for Nienna. I can imagine her weeping behind her veil, her face always shadowed by the brim of her hat. At the same time, it makes her look delicate, which I love for her. I'm always tempted to make Nienna dress in white (the color of mourning) but my favorites for her usually mix some color in - I don't know why but I've noticed that trend.

Pre-Darkening!Melkor & Doriath!Melian

The vibes I look for when thinking Melkor are "Aule but pretentious." Fire-like colors, but head-to-toe silk and gauze and gold thread and elegant accessories. Objectively pretty but you get the impression he's trying a little too hard to appear friendly in his light fabrics and gentle lines.

For Melian, I like birdlike colors, if that makes sense? Rich shades you can find in birds - cardinals and bluebirds for this one. She lives with elves, so I also enjoy the idea of her wearing plenty of jewelry, but in a down-to-earth way as opposed to the fantastical-looking jewelry of Varda. As a general rule, I try to make her look less ethereal than the Valier, with heavier-looking colors, fabric, jewelry, makeup. She's part of the physical world in a way the Valier in Aman just aren't. Also, I extra love this one because this woman is Tang Shiyi, a dancer who has an incredibly Luthien-looking video I love. So like, family resemblance, you know?

[bookwyrminspiration]

How do you think Sophie's family/friends would react to female to male Sophie Foster? Like if it were while she was in the Lost Cities.

oo that's an interesting one! trans sophie, specifically in the lost cities (i'm assuming in the canon timeline with all the other worldbuilding still intact). I don't know if they have the concept in the Lost Cities--I mean I think it's entirely safe to assume that queer elves exist whether or not Shannon writes about them, you just can't erase us.

(note: I will be referring to Sophie with that name and =they/they pronouns for this post simply because name and pronouns are a whole other deal)

I think their immediate family and friends would be supportive, if a little confused, but understand that whatever they're talking about with gender means a lot to them. The elven world follows so many traditional stereotypes when it comes to gender--like hair length, dresses, etc.--and all apparently at will, as Della (i think it was her, might've been Edaline) said that Sophie didn't need to wear dresses if they wanted to wear pants instead, as it was actually the capes that signified nobility and not the dresses. This leads me to believe that there has been at least one other person who has rebelled against the dresses and prefers pants, hence that answer came so easily to Della; it wasn't her first time thinking about it. However, as it never went into practice for Sophie (another thing about her wardrobe that I'll mention in another post. to the person who sent me an ask about it: I saw it! I'll get to it!), it does make me think there would be a little bit of a rocky transition into wearing more traditionally masculine clothing.

it's worth noting that just because they may be ftm, they don't need to change their wardrobe and throw away all their dresses, I'm just including this because we've seen mentions of Sophie disliking the more poofy/obviously feminine clothing throughout the series, so they seem like they might be someone who would want to change their presentation a little.

to get a little more into specifics: I don't think any of their friends or family would be hostile towards them, maybe unintentionally a little dense, but well-meaning. Edaline would be very open and welcome to their transition, whatever that entailed (if anything), and mostly grateful Sophie was comfortable sharing that with her. I think Grady would be protective, the kind of person to question them just a little bit to make sure this was something they really wanted (not because he didn't believe them, just because he'd recognize the difficulties and wouldn't want them to go through it without due cause). I don't think Sandor would particularly care, mainly concerned with keeping them safe and only thinking about it so far as to make sure they feel safe emotionally with him. He'd recognize it as not his place to question or judge, and he doesn't need to know how their gender works in order to respect and protect them.

onto the friends! I think Biana and Dex would be the most supportive upfront and ask the fewest questions. Biana might even take this as a chance to help figure out how Sophie wants to look and figure that out with them. it's right up her alley, as she loves doing others up, and it's a bonding opportunity too, a chance to let Sophie reintroduce themself to her. And maybe she'd take the opportunity to take all those lovely gowns off Sophie's hands...you know, out of support, not at all because she wants them for herself (insert knowing wink here). And then Dex is already used to living outside the norms of society, so seeing Sophie decide to do what they wanted and to stop trying to fit in to a feminine role would just make his ecstatic. Because he knows what that's like and he'd enjoy seeing one of his close friends stick it to the system--and he'd also be very supportive of their journey. I imagine he'd help with whatever technical aspects of transitioning Sophie would want, helping them access resources and all that.

i think Keefe would be a little caught off guard, but once Sophie explains how they feel and he can feel their emotions on the subject, I think he'd be very enthusiastic about them doing what they wanted. he might berate himself for not putting the pieces together sooner, as he could literally feel their discomfort with themselves throughout the years and yet he just brushed it off. I kind of get the vibe he'd help Biana with assisting Sophie in finding their style, but focus more of the appearance aspect over the clothes. Teaching them how to actually wear the clothes together and style their hair and all that. he also feels like he'd start being a little rougher with them, playing around with them and teasing them the way he usually does with Fitz as he works to unlearn the way he perceived them before. Speaking of Fitz, he feels like the kind of friend who would be like "why would you do that?" but only because he doesn't fully understand what they're talking about. Not that he wouldn't be supportive, he'd just need a little more guidance and assistance understanding what they want. he's had a very traditional mindset for a lot of the series, but I think his love and respect for Sophie would be more than enough to challenge his understanding of gender so he could support them. if they had already dated at this point in time, he might want to talk to them privately about that just to understand if that's why things didn't work out or if he'd done something wrong, but that's another conversation.

then there are the other, more sidelined friends, all of whom I think would generally react the same. I think Linh would just go with it and not ask questions, but be pleased that Sophie feels more themselves, perhaps sharing a story of her own about coming into herself and her power and accepting herself as she was. i don't imagine Tam would have much of an outward reaction, being like "why are you telling me this, I don't care" but internally reworking how he thought about them. And I imagine he'd be a little protective, seeing Sophie go outside the norms of society even more. He was scorned by society for years, so that's a subject close to his heart, so while he might not think much of it or how it will affect their relationship, I think he'd be more protective of them, just like from the background. Then Marella would probably take it in stride and say something like "I always knew there was something off about you" but not in an insulting way, just being like ah. that's what it was. you were always a little different and I couldn't figure out why you acted the way you did, but this makes sense. It might answer a question about Sophie she didn't even know she had. Maruca probably wouldn't think much of it, instead focused on the Black Swan and fighting. I imagine something similar with Wylie, both of them going okay that's not my problem, happy for you but also there's some things we need to work on. They'd use their name and pronouns and support them emotionally, but I don't think they're close enough to them to have more of a reaction. it's just...not a priority to them.

this is getting long so I'll stop there for now, but there's also the thoughts of how the black swan, neverseen, council, and elven society as a whole would react to their gender things. I think Sophie would have an excellent support system built up, they're friends and family loving them more than any confusion that might get in their way.

this was a very interesting ask!! so thank you for the opportunity! got a lot longer than I expected it to, but I enjoyed it!

[exploding-carrots]

I’ve been wanting to draw or write out my ‘future’ Bottom ideas for a while but haven’t gotten around to it. So here’s a long post of some head canons and a general story line of them vaguely developing as people at some point set after the live shows. If anything this is just sort of my personal AU for the characters getting together. Mostly focused on the progression of Richie and Eddies relationship and my thoughts on both of them being trans

- They’re both trans, (a lot of Ades characters give me trans dudes vibes but that is 70% me wanting to time travel and body swap w the man) Eddie is a bi trans dude (who medically transitioned young, but is not necessarily out as either) and Richie is a closeted/repressed bi trans woman who begins to come to terms w it during the whole island era

- Richie is also intersex, which while yeah is sort of canon in a mean way, is sort of important to me for the character 🤭 However she is not aware of the fact

- Eddie is dyslexic and has ADHD which both contribute to him struggling on and off (which was really just a gag they went with when funny) with reading/writing depending on how well he can focus on it at any given time (example: the Edies Bra sign vs the grave stone). I am not even going to attempt to say what is going on w Richie but the woman is a mess of unresolved issues and trauma complications

- After everything they go through in the live shows they do somehow make it back to the flat which is unexplainably the exact way they left it.

- Every single joke about Richie going off and fucking dudes from the live show is taken as fact. It is the most poorly kept secret amongst the cast. They literally do not talk about it unless Eddie is trying to make a point or piss off Richie

- Eventually Eddie IS trying to piss off Richie and does bring up everything about her sex life and the clothes, and... well everything else. After a ridiculous fight it somehow turns into an almost semi-serious conversation. Eddie makes the assumption that Richie is gay and Richie counters with the fact that she is genuinely interested in women but it’s a hell of a lot easier to get attention from specific types of men. Gets some wheels turning in both of their heads

- Personality wise they never really calm down, but they do start to slow down a little bit as it takes them longer and longer to recover from their fights. Obviously there is still the odd dart to the forehead or gentle push down the stairs but the ridiculous games and completions they make up take center stage

- they get weed at some point (Dave Hedgehog and Spudgun seems like a feasible source, because let’s be honest if Richie and Eddie tried to buy weed it would not work) that leads to all sorts of embarrassment because Eddie gets crossfaded as all get out and starts hitting on Richie. Which while having a precedent in their history (I mean, the first episode gives us that right away) takes on a new sort of meaning once the concept of bisexuality has been rolling around in their heads. Nothing particularly saucy happens at this point Bc they are high, drunk, and old but all of the actual acknowledgement of feelings start to really develop after this point

- in an attempt to do something with her time Richie picks up sewing and picks up where she left off with the wrap skirt and rubber underwear she made on the island. Starts to really develop the little wardrobe she wears when she’s alone. It’s a mix of the same awful button up shirts she always wears and some dresses and skirts along with a couple pairs of sexier (for Richie at least) under garments

- eventually Eddie comes home while Richie is still in her feminine clothing. Eddies Reaction is different from the first time he saw her dressed up that way since now there is a precedent. Eddies approach is much more “playful teasing” and fake surprise than it was previously.

- Slowly Richie starts dressing up around the flat more and more often as opposed to just when alone. Eddie ramps up with the pet names and husband/house wife dynamic they already had going on.

- THE MOMENT is when Eddie is leaving the flat to go to the bar and there is an ‘accidental’ kiss on the cheek along with his usual good byes. Eddie realizes what has happened immediately and bolts before Richie can say anything. Richie has a moment of “teehee that was nice” still in her little fucking house wife head space before it catches up w her.

- Richie panics, paces around the flat, gets changed like 8 times, cooks dinner, throws it away, takes it out of the trash, paces more, breaks like 8 things, and essentially just fluctuates between “Ooo Eddie fancies me” to “oh fuck the bastard is making fun of me again” to “it was an accident and Eddie is going to make it into a fight” back to “ooo Eddie fancies Me~”

- eventually Eddie comes home, pissed to hell and back way later than he’d normally come home. Richies passed out on the couch. Eddie wakes her up by pushing her over on the couch so he can sit. Eddie says something along the lines of “I’m fucking drunk so I’m only going to say this one” before saying some incomprehensible drunken rambling and pulling Richie into an awkward full kiss. It’s a nice moment for maybe about 5 seconds before he stands up again, pulls a pint out of his jacket, chugs it and says something about drunkenly passing out before doing just that across the coffee table.

- Richie just sort of gawks at Eddie sleeping across the table before giddily tossing a blanket over him and heading off to actually go to bed.

- relationship wise this really just sort of introduces a sexual/physical dynamic to their relation while ramping up their camp version of domestic life

- it’s Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog who actually say something to Eddie about it. They’ve always been in on the “oh look, it’s Eddies terrifying wife” thing. Probably only actually say something about it after the 2nd or 3rd actual display of physical affection they witness. It’s more of one of them asking Eddie if Richie really is his wife (in that half aware sort of way they observe things). This alone doesn’t change much, but it does takes a lot to get through to any of these repressed bastards

- Richie grows accustomed to the more feminine/soft pet names that Eddie uses for her. At one point Eddie uses more traditionally masculine terms which sets off “oh actually I am not a fan of that” in Richies head and leads her to asking Eddie to not refer to her that way. Leads to an awkward half coming out on Richies part. Eddie does genuinely switch up how he refers to Richie at this point and her gender just sort of becomes an silent fact that they both respect. Everyone else sort of knows them as those weirdos who have some sort of common law marriage going on and it’s not really questioned. This is the point where Richie starts to earnestly medically transition without really saying to much about, canonically she has been on estrogen pills before (even if it was a ‘mistake’)

- End game is essentially just them being casual about their identities and relationships in a unspoken sort of “well that’s just how it is” way that naturally sort of bleeds into a the other aspects of their lives.

- Additional note on Eddie being trans: Richie is already vaguely aware of this fact Bc obviously they’ve been seen what the other is working with at one point or another but the fact that she is unaware that she herself is intersex and has a skewed sort of idea about genitals and peoples bodies Richie genuinely does not think about it all too much. Eddie assumes that she knows, especially as they get older and casually refers to being trans (in my mind probably during the entire “Edwina” disguise thing. I imagine Eddie wearing the dress came down to the clothing size and some off hand comment about him “having experience”, which is total shit Bc even before he transitioned Eddie never presented that way). That’s probably around the point that things start to click in Richies head about Eddies identity and she starts comparing and contrasting Eddie to other ppl and such.

[thesaltyoceanwaves]

Adrien’s Room and Memorabilia: A Sequel Post

Well, I hinted at a similar arc for Adrien in this post, so let’s brainstorm.

CW: mentions of harassment

The major difference between Adrien and Marinette in this instance is that Mari’s room is about her working through her social anxieties and developing meaningful relationships. Adrien’s focus is on his lonely nature, as well as discovering and cultivating hobbies that he really enjoys, and aren’t just forced upon him by his father.

His room starts off with very few photos of his loved ones, namely his parents, Chloe and Felix. These photos are professional in nature, clean, crisp and very much lacking in color. Even Chloe and Felix are behaving for the sake of the photos. Notably, their photos show them when they are much younger, to indicate that Adrien hasn’t spent time with them lately.

There’s a large emphasis placed on the amount of stuff that Adrien has in his room. The video games, the TV, the climbing wall, etc. Everything is completely clean and dust free, because he spends a lot of time in his room, but he doesn’t have anything he’s particularly drawn toward, so whenever he’s done with something, he puts it away and grabs something else. His room is also likely clean due to his strict father demanding he keep up appearances.

The only exception to this are video games, but they are very specific ones: simulators. Particularly, ones that focus on dating and romance. Life simulators, farming simulators, RPGs that offer a romance subplot, etc. Even if the sim only offers the option to make friends, Adrien is fine with that. Stuff like Animal Crossing, Stardew Valley, Harvest Moon/Story of Seasons (the ones made by Marvelous), The Sims, Undertale and so forth are right up his valley. And again, lots of dating sims.

Following his mother’s “passing,” and at the start of the show, Adrien keeps a corner of his room dedicated to her. As more time goes by and Adrien gets closer to his new friends, this will shrink down to a photo of the two of them, and most of her memorabilia will be stored away. This will show that he’s open to the possibility of his father dating someone else, as was shown in “Felix”. 

He will often turn to photos of his mother when he wants deeper, more worrying thoughts that he wants to voice and get off his chest, or if he needs advice about something and he doesn’t know who to turn to. S1 would focus more on friendship advice, because in this version, he would need to put in more time and care to make friends (Nino and him would still stay buds, Mari is still crushing on him but is hesitant to approach, and Alya is kind but cautious, with the rest of the class being wary because of his friendship with Chloe). Later on, he’s more likely to ask about plot-relevant stuff, his feelings for Ladybug and Kagami (and romance in general), his growing resentment towards his father, his meet-ups with his friends, and his discomfort with Chloe and Lila’s touchiness. Coupled with Felix’s harassment in “Felix,” this causes Adrien to realize his boundaries are being violated, and to also wonder if he has adopted similar behaviors. He goes to speak with either Sabine, Tomoe or Nino’s mom about the matter (maybe all three to get a variety of perspectives), and then with Ladybug. I would set this conversation sometime after “Frozer,” with him mentioning how he acted there, and apologizing for leaving her in the middle of battle (if the episode isn’t rewritten to include that there).

Overtime, he would start to depend less on talking to Emilie’s photo, and instead talk to whoever he asked for advice. Instead, he would talk to her prior to a larger battle or facing a bigger threat and had something he wanted to get off his chest.  

At the beginning of their superhero career, Adrien is into collecting Ladybug merch - he’s likely to even have one of those “Do it for her” boards set up. He has some Chat Noir stuff as well, but it’s not as prominent. When other heroes arrive on the scene, he’ll have stuff of them too. He would even go so far as to recreate the heroes in his games (mostly in what Sims knock-off this universe would have), and roleplay scenarios with Ladybug. He doesn’t fully get rid of his merch over time, but he does likely downsize as he spends more time getting to know Ladybug and the team.

There’s also the obligatory Ladrien scene that I hinted at in Marinette’s post. To recap, Chat Noir, during an emotional moment with Marinette, mentions that he has Ladybug memorabilia in his room, and that he ought to downsize. Sometime later, Ladybug comes to check up on Adrien for plot-related reasons, and discovers that he “too” collects Ladybug merch. Adrien is notably embarrassed by this, but Ladybug replies by saying that she’s a fan of his as well. This will allow two sides of the ship to feel closer to each other and open up about certain things.

Similar to Marinette, Adrien will start picking up little things as mementos from previous episodes to decorate his room with (a class photo from “Reflekta,” a copy of the movie from “Horrificator,” his autographed Jagged Stone CD from “Guitar Villain,” etc).  I also imagine him holding onto clothing items such as Nino’s hat or Kagami’s jacket, that get left behind after hanging out. Over time, he is eventually gifted a mannequin to display these items.

I remember seeing a post that called into question whether Adrien’s activities were something he genuinely enjoyed or if they were just foisted upon him by his father. I like the idea of a laid out arc that explores what Adrien might like to do in the future, by having him go through various hobbies (sort of like Daphne in “Be Cool, Scooby Doo”). 

One hobby I’d give him from the start is tricking. (For those not familiar, tricking combines moves from martial arts and gymnastics, usually flips and kicks, and can be used to create super cool combos, yes I am biased about this). We often see him showing off stunts in battle and would fit Chat’s tendencies to be flashy. I could also see this becoming a hobby he shares with Nino and Kagami later on, maybe with the three of them sneaking out to meet other trickers at gatherings.

(For those who need visual reference.)

However, I also want to give Adrien a more traditionally feminine hobby. There’s a couple of ideas I had for this, including, again ones that he cycles through as he explores himself a bit more. After meeting Luka and noticing that he paints his nails, Adrien might tiptoe in nail art. I could also see Adrien getting really into writing romance, starting off as a fanfic writer and eventually writing his own novel or comic. Alternatively, he becomes a poet. Maybe he spends an episode learning to sew with Marinette so he can make his own cosplays. Or he starts a cottagecore aesthetic blog, and additionally starts taking care of some plants to give his room some needed greenery.

I think for the sake of irony, it would be interesting to see Adrien eventually take up baking as a hobby. I know there’s a couple of AUs involving this concept already (I forget who it was, though I’m tempted to say @lenoreofraven​ ​ but correct me if I’m wrong), but I like this idea because it would give him something extra he and Marinette could bond over in the future, especially since he doesn’t want to do modelling long-term. It would also give him a good excuse to visit the Dupain-Cheng bakery, and grow closer to Sabine and Tom. Perhaps they take him up as an apprentice, or give him a delivery boy job alongside Luka (giving that relationship a chance to grow as well, as well as a Delivery Boy shenanigans episode).

When he’s either in between hobbies, in a tumultuous state, or growing distant from his father, his room will appear far messier. In the latter case, it may be an attempt to rebel against Gabriel, saying “it’s my room, I can do what I want!” If he’s not comfortable immediately speaking out against his father, he may rebel in more passive aggressive ways. I could also see him roleplaying scenarios in which he tells his father off or planning escape routes for hero patrol or tricking gatherings. I think he would also have padded mats stored somewhere in he case he can’t leave, and wants to practice, or have his own tricking gathering in the house.

As he collects more mementos, they start filling up the empty spaces in his room, so when his father prevents him from leaving the house, he doesn’t feel as lonely. He starts finding ways where, from the comfort of his room, he can hang out with friends (like in “Anansi” where he uses the facecam to see what everyone is up to). More friendly, casual photos give the room some life. These mementos may also cause him to start downsizing on the Ladybug and Friends merch.

He will only attempt to remove them altogether if his identity is revealed to Marinette, and she doesn’t seem to process it well (at least at first). Anything pertaining to her, as Ladybug or Marinette, he may attempt to remove, until he realizes just how present she is in his life. He would then consult his mother’s photo about what to do. 

And similarly to Marinette at the end, when they start dating, he would start to incorporate couple’s photos. I think both of them would have those photo booth strips, but I could also see Adrien commissioning posters of his OTP, LadyNoir, and bringing back some of his merch (in a teasing, well-meaning way). 

[mxdotombra]

Why have i subjected myself to redesigning winx club? why?

Its such a terrible yet great show, the potential. the damn potential. And now imma rework the entire series. yay. I may just make a seperate account so like, idk.

anyway, tecna i guess, subject to heavy change maybe, idk. Info, thoughts, and design notes under cut.

Alright Tecna’s interesting to me, honestly. In season one (that im binging rn and almost done with cause we start from the beginning), she’s shown as robotic, calculating, yet ultimately caring and has difficulty with emotions and as well has ‘robotic tendencies’ or views the world as if if she were idk a robot? 

I think its how she speaks though, it’d make since on her planet though, especially one of primarily technology, if the people (aliens) integrated themselves to technology, almost like cyborgs but with magic? idk its a thought but man i wish that it had been done better because she just sounds like a flat failed joke in the show.

Also she wears pants. I like that. She will continue wearing pants.

Alright so i tried two outfits as shown, middle is my favorite for a few reasons, mainly to me its plain yet effective and efficient which seems to align with what Tecna would try to be instead of? short skirts and shirts i mean that would be a pain in general? Also her planet is cold (i think its snowing and the opposite of Stella’s) give her a coat please!

I like to think she’d have a few extra accessories and such, just for a bit of personality or maybe they have reasons for existing beyond she looked kinda bland in my head. I like to think she tries to display some kind of personality with her clothing and got better at it with her friends helping. 

I have no idea whats happening with the second normal clothing design, i looked up tecno punk and they have neat pants that i failed at drawing. IDK how to feel about it, not the biggest fan.

Also i always liked her having a more androgynous look? Thats me projecting though lol. I already decided that she’d be aro/ace in my own rendition of winx club.

Anyway, fairy form. I saw someone else’s redesign (I can’t remember who and its making me mad) and they did so well with em all so I kinda uh... stole parts of it. Just imagine the fabric is funky and magical okay? I believe she’d go for a more armored esque thing, as while the other fairies are more agile and moving in the air from what i’ve seen she’s more stationary in casting magic like shields and such. 

More stationary means taking more hits so i think that it would be best for her to be more armored. And her wings! I LOVE how in the first season(s?) they’re more technological i guess? and change shape? Such a neat detail! I like to think regular fairy wings can get damaged but hers cannot as they aren’t technically fairy wings but more simulated projections she can use? like her planet’s species of fairy developed to not need wings? IDK its an aspect I liked to think on. Also her face markings are meant to mimic the jewels on her fairy form. I like the idea of the fairies or aliens or whatever being close to humans but essentially once a mimic that developed into its own thing. Her eyes also change with fairy form, and I’d like to note as I can’t draw it that her pupils would be incredibly strange to look at, as it seems the inside of her eye is glowing from that point instead of it simply being on the eye. I guess? 

Also her wires and details are meant to glow a bit. Her magic, and the magic on her planet, tend to make things glow naturally as I like to think her planet is nigh constantly dark so its an adaptation to help see and such. (Ergo face markings as well, spotting people)

I’ll add more later. Also tecna’s design is one of my favorites, because her fairy form is incredibly unique. I came up with a sort of reason why fairy clothes are just so small? but i... hate the fairy designs. I do, its so impractical and later from what ive seen they just become kind of ugly and ungodly... flowery? traditionally feminine or girlish? and thats not bad its just that specific characters it seems strange on? Bloom I understand! I love her design lol. It suits her ngl.

But Tecna is all about practicality and those are NOT practical, and Musa is literally described as a tomboy, and while tomboys can like traditionally feminine things, it doesn’t seem her speed, especially the frilly princess look later, she seems more punk rock i guess? (or disco lol).

Idk im rambling, if you’ve made it this far, whaddya think?

[dreaming-of-assclass]

Oooooo if 3-E were supernatural creatures who would be what 👀👀👀

Oooohh this is interesting to think about! I’m sorry, I don’t know a lot haha so I did some research to have more options!!

Karma: Demon

I feel like I don’t need to elaborate on this too much lmao. The boy is mischievous, LOVES to mess with mortals for no reason. When he’s feeling a particularly strong emotion, usually rage, excitement, etc, his eyes glow a shade of yellow-gold (like what canon showed)

Isogai: Demi-God

His crazy perfection in everything has to come from somewhere. His father was a God who left his realm and lost his immortality to be with Isogai’s mother, a mortal. Isogai only became aware of his heritage after his father’s passing.

Okajima: Half-Angel

LMAO I mostly picked this for the irony, but it kinda fits ngl. He’s generally a good, loyal, kind person and a very good friend. His perverted nature is his one big flaw and comes from the influence of his mortal father, who was his main guardian since his mother remained on Heaven.

Okano: Werewolf

I’m gonna credit this one to @greengargouille haha. They made a wonderful post about this idea that I still adore with my whole heart. But yeah, Okano being a badass werewolf with crazy athleticism and defying femininity expectations? Yes please.

Okuda: Witch

She excels in potion-making, of course. She comes from a long line of witches and magic-users in her family. So she feels quite a bit of pressure to be successful. She’s very talented but needs a tad bit more of control in her magic.

Kataoka: Mermaid

This one shouldn’t be a surprise haha. She’s a very strong and powerful swimmer...but where does all that raw talent come from? Surprise, Megu is a mermaid and she can transform between her physical forms at will. She loves the water because it’s her home and what she knows best.

Kayano: Part-Phoenix

I don’t know how this works and how someone can be part-Phoenix lmao, but it fits her way too well. A being that goes out in flames and starts a new life...isn’t that basically what Kayano did after her reveal? Her new life is her going by Akari again and showing her true colors to the class.

Kanzaki: Goddess

She’s apart of a very royal family of gods...all with ridiculously high standards and little respect for her. Kanzaki is very powerful and has so much raw potential but she’s never been able to show it. Her best skills are teleportation, invisibility, and a strong grasp on aerokinesis.

Kimura: Centaur

I’m serious about this one lmao. He’s a very fast runner and impresses everyone, and it’s thanks to his strong physique and raw energy in centaur form. Don’t worry, he can shape-shift back to a human form, but he hates it because he loses his height and is back to being 160 cm.

Kurahashi: Fairy

Of course, this bright, sunny, cheerful sweet girl could only be a fairy. She has a very strong connection to nature and wildlife, to the point that if they’re harmed, she feels the pain. Her wings are very tiny at age 14 can easily hide underneath her clothes. But by adulthood, they’re grown and able to use for flight.

Nagisa: Half-Ghoul

Surprise...this soft boy is actually half-evil :’). His father is actually a ghoul, and Nagisa was very much unaware of it for all his life. Hiromi kept it a secret and tried to suppress that part of him too. Basically I imagine what it means for Nagisa is that death draws him, and his physiology is why he has such a high bloodlust. When he’s pushed to his limits, he’s terrifying... (cough Takaoka cough)

Sugaya: Wizard

He comes from a relatively average line of wizards, who all moved to the mortal realm and own artisan businesses. Sugaya wishes to do something similar and follow his passion for art. He mostly uses his magic for that, levitating his brushes, enhancing his work, creating new things. He’s quite talented at conjuring.

Sugino: Angel

Yes, I’m serious about this. Sugino is a very good person and always strives to lead others down the right path. He’s good at guiding, but even he wants to live for himself for once. So he learns what baseball is and grows a strong love for it.

Takebayashi: Wizard

Unlike Sugaya, he comes from a super prestigious line of successful and powerful wizards. His family is one of the top ones. He feels immense pressure to live up to them. His talents lie in fire magic, particularly creating explosions. And he’s a very skilled healer.

Chiba: Half-Dragon

Fitting considering his name 💜 He has the ability to change between his human and dragon form, but it’s very shaky for now. His eyes are a bright, terrifying shade of red, and it exposes his dragon heritage so he must hide it.

Terasaka: Half-Titan

His Titan physiology is the reason for his raw strength and physical prowess. He’s incredibly strong and has a high endurance, durability, stamina... He’s a talented fighter and will always use his advantage to protect his loved ones.

Nakamura: Siren

She hates being a siren so much. She has to deal with boring mortal guys all the time, who for some reason, love her voice. She gets a real kick out of fooling them though, and the pranks are always chaotic. Since she’s been having to sing and use her voice, she’s gotten the chance to learn many languages. She has an affinity for them, and wants to continue learning more.

Hazama: Witch

I know this is a little cliche. But in contrast to the potion-centered Okuda, Hazama excels in linguistic spells. She keeps a journal of every new one she learns, as well as images of herbs and such. She’s very interested in dark arts, but will only indulge in it with the presence of someone else, to make sure she doesn’t fall too deep.

Hayami: Witch

Wow I’m really repeating so many. Hayami is a very hardworking, talented witch. But she’s so focused on helping others, she tends to get taken advantage of unfortunately. She’s best at transfigurations, altering things to her (and others) liking. Her favorite test subject is Okajima. She’s quite talented in hand-to-hand combat and having kinetic vision, which helps in magic. She wants a cat as a familiar so badly.

Hara: Fairy

Hara says “fuck you” to the idea that fairies are traditionally small and frail. She’s proud of her physique and strength, and her interest in fighting. She’s still the sweetest fairy there could be, always looking after everyone and all of nature. She loves cooking and sharing it with as many people as she can find.

Fuwa: Ghost

Yep our crazy, lively Fuwa is a ghost! Specifically, she’s a poltergeist, the kind who try to create mischief in some way and move things around. The reason why Fuwa is kinda wild and open about her passions is so she can be noticed by people...if her presence isn’t being acknowledged, she loses her physical form and goes back to being a transparent spirit. It isn’t all bad though. Her favorite thing to do is read mangas in ghost form, so all people see is a floating copy of One Piece.

Maehara: Vampire

This one is a little cliche lmao, but he’s a vampire playboy who always ends up accidentally turning his girlfriends into vampires too with his bites. No one ever suspects him of being a vampire since he looks like sunshine incarnate. He’s quite reckless and has come close to being exposed multiple times, and Isogai always scolds him.

Mimura: Elf

Poor boy is a little insecure about being an Elf...he tries his best not to stand out, especially given his dad’s love for the spotlight. He is good at basic magic, slightly above average. His best talent and what he excels at is photokinesis. He uses it on his filming hobby, to change what’s on camera, adjust lighting, etc. He can go as far as even completely remove shadows from the sunlight.

Muramatsu: Alchemist

He comes from a relatively average family of alchemists that used their abilities for culinary purposes. He enjoys it a lot, and is very talented. He prefers to rely on physical prowess when it comes to fights, but is able to use his alchemy additionally.

Yada: Vampire

Yada is the hot vampire girlfriend we all wish we had 😔 Just kidding haha. But yes, she’s a vampire and no one would ever expect it with how good she is at hiding. She plans out her life and days to specifically avoid sunlight, garlic, etc. She’s a very busy member of the school community and has tons of friends and connections. She and Maehara, her fellow vampire, constantly compete to see who can get more dates.

Yoshida: Werewolf

This is slightly cliche since he’s the resident bad boy, but it fits. He tries to keep a tough image even in human form partly since his family taught him to do so, and because it is comfortable for him. But he’s a softie deep down, and is nowhere near as ruthless as he’s believed to be.

Ritsu: Magic Mirror?

Hmm this is kind of the only option I see fitting for her as it correlates to her role in canon. One classmate has to carry the mirror around for her to communicate, but she’s very powerful and helpful.

Itona: Mummy

Ok so storyline here: he was abandoned to die by his family centuries ago, and his 13 body was mummified against his will. In present time, Shiro awakens him, revives him, and uses him as a tool. He goes through a lot...but is able to live a peaceful life with 3-E once all that is over. He wears bandages almost everywhere, only exposing his eyes which glow yellow when he’s using his power.

Bonus:

Gakushuu is a Demi-God, of course. He’s pretty annoyed that his elemental magic only extends to hydrokinesis and cryokinesis, but he’s still amazingly talented.

Ren is a Merman who flirts with girls at the beach with sappy poetry. He’s gotten caught in a fisher net too many times.

Seo is an Ogre.

[injuries-in-dust]

I'm going to ramble and vent, so thoughts will come across randomly as they occur to me. I’ve been thinking on this for a while and it really has been difficult to put my thoughts into writing, let alone say them out loud to anyone.

Am I trans? I don't know. I'd like some opinions of experts before anything else happens. I find I'm uncomfortable with the idea of approaching a councillor or therapist, or my doctor, with any of this before I feel more ready.

The anonymity of the internet is just more comfortable for me right now.

It's feelings and thoughts that I have which just seem to be different from any other male that I know and have have met in my life.

I've always been more interested in more of the “traditionally feminine” activities.

I've never really liked sports and the rougher games of “boys activities.”

I've preferred the company of girls and women through all my life, I have found their company more pleasant and seemed to get along with them quite well, from childhood all the way through to my adult life.

I've been given a lot of descriptions in my life, from “soft,” to “a gentle person,” and “a caring soul.” and other similar things.

I've always been the person with more girls as friends than girlfriends. I certainly have almost no male friends.

I've certainly been comfortable with that and I have always cherished my friendships. Relationships, the few I've had, have always been lovely bonuses, but I've always loved the friendships.

I have always had more of an interest with what are considered more “traditionally feminine” activities, from creative things like gardening, or my hobby of origami.

In school I took home economics, to learn to cook and sew, rather than do wood and metal work, like the other boys. I reasoned that learning these skills was more important in later life. True. But being the only boy in the class was certainly something.

I have always looked at women's fashion with a bit of jealousy. The styles are just better than any men's clothes, the variety available is so much more amazing to me. Just how many different styles of cardigans do you need? I love so many of them.

I can remember being a kid, comparing myself to my tomboy cousin and her being more adventurous than me. She broke her arm, twice in the same year, climbing the same tree nonetheless. While I always preferred more gentle activities that were less frightening.

She has certainly grown into your more traditional butch lesbian. She and her wife are very happy these days.

I never minded playing with dolls, even when I was a young boy. I remember I liked playing with the Sylvanian Families figures (anyone remember them?) my aunt collected. I like the soft feel of the fake fur, and setting up the décor of the dolls houses and other such things.

I am bisexual. I came to terms with that in my early twenties.

I don't know. I really just don't know. Maybe I'm just a male that doesn't conform to the typical male archetypes. I don't know.

When I'm honest with myself, I feel that I've always had a preference for a female form. I look with some jealousy at the more elegant and graceful bodies that women seem to possess. Much better than this big and clumsy body that nature gave to me, and I know nothing is going to fix that, no conversion can give me a different skeleton. Still, the feelings are there.

I grew my hair long, preferring it over a short hair. I like nail varnish and some make up, even though I’m no good at applying them. Maybe that’s down to lack of practise?

I don't know.

When playing a video game, I like to play female characters more than male, feeling like my attitude and personality just seem to match up with the imagined personality I place on the characters more than a male. When I write, I prefer writing female characters, feeling much more of a rapport with them than any male characters I've made. I always put that down to being raised by, and around, stronger female persons. My father worked during the day, but I mother worked nights, so she and her friends and their kids (mostly daughters) were around more during the day.

Maybe that influenced me, maybe it didn't. I don't know.

Genetics have certainly given me more of a masculine look. I have a broad shoulders, I have a hairy body, I have a barrel chest and I stand at six foot three. I'm sure my hair is starting to thin and baldness runs in the male side of the family. I have a shoe size of 12 (EU42, USA 13) for goodness sake. Hardly a feminine body.

Maybe I should just accept what nature has given me and be in this male body and learn to live with that. I'm not sure what kind of woman I'd make.

That's all I can think of to say, for now.

[morethanaprincess-a]

@trinitytalents​ said:  "I'm sure Atsuko-chan would look good in that, wouldn't you agree Sonia-chan?" Hibiki pointed out some swimwear that left little to the imagination. She wasn't blind to the feelings that Sonia-chan seemed to hold towards the guard and had briefly consider not making the comment considering the other had been kind enough to keep her company while she was out shopping, but restraint had never been her strong suit.

Unprompted IC asks: Accepting from mutuals!

She hadn't asked Hibiki what she was shopping for. For as much as Sonia knew about her, she tended to wear very similar clothing, easy to mix and match in neutral shades and mostly tailored ensembles. She suspected it suited Hibiki's talent well, just like her own wardrobe, colorful and very traditionally feminine, tended to suit what was expected of the Ultimate Princess and the Princess of Novoselic in general. But beyond the luxury fashion houses and personal tailors, Sonia herself hardly ever had the opportunity to shop in stores on her own the way normal people would, and so she readily agreed to accompany the other girl so she wouldn't have to engage in commerce alone.

But now, as they descended upon the swimwear section of the store, she almost wished she hadn't. Sonia supposed Hibiki was looking for a new swimsuit herself and simply wanted another person's opinion, though if that were the case she thought surely the likes of Sayaka Maizono or Junko Enoshima would be more preferable than her own company. They probably had plenty of experience in pretty swim attire, while hers was limited to wet suits or, on the rare occasion, a vintage-inspired one piece that left plenty to the imagination. Unlike the suit Hibiki pointed out to her, skimpy and showy and something the girl insisted Atsuko would look incredible in.

A thought Sonia would have preferred not to have that day. She'd spent several weeks now trying to push her growing affections for the Ultimate Guard to the far corners of her mind and heart, where she hoped they'd be forgotten or replaced and thus relieve them both of the inconvenient burden of her feelings. "I think Manaka-san will be best at choosing what attire suits her, Inoue-san," Sonia gave her a diplomatic answer, but truly she'd find Atsuko to be beautiful in whatever she chose to wear. As long as she was comfortable and happy, and perhaps for once putting herself and her needs before others. It wasn't in her nature, Sonia could identify with that all too well. But when she could manage it, at least a little? Those were truly glorious moments.

"It must be a wonderful sense of freedom though, to wear what one likes whenever they wish to," She smiled, hoping to change the subject from Atsuko to fashion in general. Even from the little she knew of Hibiki, she doubted the other girl's inquiry was entirely innocent and prying into her heart, especially in a public place, was impolite. It was best to divert interests elsewhere. "While I have few complaints regarding my own wardrobe, I won't deny that it's always been mostly selected for me. Do you keep to a uniform even outside of school, Inoue-san? Or do you like to experiment with clothes?"

[corvidshipping]

modern au red/milo dump while i try to get myself together to answer asks nd work on ATJ:

(tw for alcohol mentions near the end, also this is an EXTREMELY long post, its so long that even after i split it into categorized sections each section could be its own post)

CLOTHING

milo absolutely has no sense of fashion. i feel like this is basically canon - for the styles at the time, he dresses fairly basic, mostly focused on looking put together for his job (definitely dresses aimed more towards how he would like to be treated by his peers, despite his actual position - then again our best example outside of the expedition is when he's about to deliver what he considers the most important presentation of his life, so who knows, maybe he usually dresses like a slob). aside from that his main concern seems like practicality and comfort. his wardrobe is dominated by earth tones - beiges and greens set with white and greys. all of that taken into account, i can see him dressing like this in a more modern era:

basically- a lot of cardigans, usually collared shirts or comfortable turtlenecks (since he does still occupy a research position at the smithsonian, even if only in title), big ol' coats, khakis and chinos and slightly stiff dress pants complete with ironed creases. i can see him wearing similar clothes outside work, just more comfortable - jeans and knitted shirts, henleys, more turtlenecks, and comfy cardigans over short sleeved shirts. i dont really see him wearing a lot of prints, i think he'd veer more towards solid clothes in lighter colors, but maybe he has a few. hes definitely the kind of guy to think of wearing the single graphic tee he owns as "bold and wild".

im very married to the idea of him wearing converse though. i cant explain it. milo in converse keeps me going in this world

hes kind of broke so i think maybe he got the converse secondhand maybe? or a gift of some kind. aside from the converse i can see him wearing a lot of oxfords and maybe wingtips

i want to see him in a hawaiian shirt so bad. i am losing it at this thought. he buttons it all the way up to his neck like someones awkward dad. milo wears a hawaiian shirt to "let loose". he wears it with like, khakis. or knee length jorts AHHHHDJHDSGJHDSJGh

a tie??? does he wear his hawaiian shirt with a tie???? does he think it makes it look cooler?????????? i am sobbing

red is the COMPLETE opposite. in the canon 1914 setting, red is already very rebellious for an AFAB person of their era- theyre openly a suffragette, they frequently refuse to wear skirts even in public and dress in mens clothes even before they were openly nonbinary, despite not being accepted into the male-dominated research fields and colleges they continue to educate themself with or without help, they purposely aim for an "unfeminine" silhouette when they dress, refuse to wear corsets, etc. (spoiler alert- there's a clear reason they get on so well with audrey in ATJ)

theyre also easily mistaken by people that didnt know them prior to their transition for being just a very small/young cis man- even though they canonically have a very soft "traditionally feminine" face

so basically, in any era theyre set into, red is always gonna aim to be ahead of the curve- both in their personal beliefs and practices and in their fashion. theyre also very androgynous in their clothes, although they tend to aim a bit more masculine (thats partially due to the era though, and having been forced into skirts exclusively for their entire life- i think in a modern setting where its more acceptable for AFABs to dress and act in a less hyperfeminine way, theyd be more okay with a fluidity in their gender presentation).

all that taken into account, i can see them dressing like this:

lots of baggy clothes, especially baggy jackets and shirts. they like loose fitting high waisted pants like JNCO jeans, cargo pants, etc but they arent averse to pencil legs. they rarely ever wear skinny jeans or drainpipes though. messy hair is a lifestyle for them- their haircut is definitely home-done

you know how in BICSTLY they used to have really long hair before they cut it? in a modern au i can see them impulsively doing the cut at like 3am and waking milo up at his door cause they screwed it up and he ends up having to help fix it (even though hes literally no better at cutting hair than them. worse even)

definitely have an undercut bob- bob on top, shaven on the bottom layer. they might end up growing their hair into a mullet at some point if they get bored. probably dyes their hair all the time out of boredom and then regrets it later and has to use dye remover.

lots of ripped tights and fishnets, leggings with big loose crop tops, big hoodies, safety pin jewelry and homemade jewelry. maybe some sticknpokes.

all that said, they still know how to dress in a professional situation. since its a modern au theres really nothing holding them back from the education and career they canonically want but cant get in the 1910s, so i imagine they would work at the smithsonian as well, maybe their father helped them get the job? potentially in that case they might be his assistant- after all, he trusts their opinion on artifacts more than anyone else's.

at work you can still very much see the punk/skater/grunge/goth style but its more understated- turtlenecks, high waisted and looser dress pants, lots of black, slightly unbuttoned collared shirts with a loose overcoat and no tie

since i elaborated on milos shoe taste i may as well elaborate on red's: they definitely wear converse as well, probably newer than milo's since their father is fairly wealthy and they can afford it. they also have a doc martens collection. they have a pair of demonias but they never wear them and milo is really the only person to even know they own them, let alone see them in them. they really dont like to wear heels much, but they own a few just to play around with. they have a bad habit of wearing any laced shoes untied, but they never trip over the laces. they also use lace code- their most-worn Docs have purple laces on the right foot and yellow on the left. some of their Docs have (reclaimed) pink laces.

has an extensive pin collection including feminism pins, anti-racism pins, punk-related pins, skater-related pins, and pop culture pins (80s music, modern music, old movies, etc)

MUSIC TASTE

milo's into a lot of older music- stuff from the 50s is his favorite. really into jazz and ballroom style stuff. his favorite band is queen, i think- he likes the old-fashioned sound, the jazz-chamber-ballroom influences, the diversity of their lyrics, and the complexity between the guitar riffs, the basslines, and freddie's vocal runs as well as the vocal harmonies.

sometimes he hums good old fashioned lover boy to red and they two-step in the living room in their pajamas :pleading:

also very into rush. yes, he is a rush guy :pensive:.

also listens to a surprising amount of lo-fi? he really likes stuff that remixes older music with hip hop and lofi elements, like earl grey. nearly exclusively into instrumental stuff but also very into louie zong. he listens to it while he works a lot.

knows a lotttt of foreign artists, especially niche ones. fuckin LOVES casiopea

red's spotify is a goddamn mess. everything from 2000s emo, to classic 70s punk, to post-punk and new wave, to 90s pop, to rap. they cant be easily classified at all

their favorite bands are oingo boingo, prince, queen (they listen to a lot of their harder-rock music, but milo knows theyre into the ballads too. theyll never tell anyone else though), doja cat, lil nas, fall out boy, and billie eilish.

red recites the intro monologue to lets go crazy very seriously to make milo laugh, sometimes. they get very into it with their facial expressions. sometimes it devolves into a full air guitar/keyboard/drum and wild dancing session. milo does not know how to participate in this but he loves watching them have fun with it. sometimes they pull him off the couch to make him dance with them, though

they are a huge sucker for dark pop, vaporwave, retrowave, EDM, hip hop, emo, punk... etc etc. anything that combines any two or more of those genres in an original or interesting way gets their attention right away

there's a lot of sharing between the two of them- even though their music tastes are so different, they like a lot of the others taste, and theyre always up to listen to whatever their partner is playing.

red is a huge softie, and milo has found them more than once listening to or humming something he was playing for them the other day because it reminded them of him

speaking of which- in the 1914 canon, red can play piano. i think that carries over to a modern au, where they could play piano and by extension keyboard. i like to think they experiment with a lot of instruments but i doubt they ever really mastered any others. maybe theyre okay at drums or bass?

they learned to play and sing teo torriatte for milo, as a surprise. when they first performed it for them, they had everything set up for when he got home from work- the lights were dimmed, they had candles lit around the keyboard, they draped stuff in cloth to make it look pretty, they scattered flower petals around. when milo walked in and saw it all, he almost proposed then and there- the only thing that stopped him was that he would kick himself for the rest of his life if he did that without a ring.

HOBBIES/ACTIVITIES

milo is still an avid chess player in this, but i like to think hes in some kind of groupchat or text or discord server for it. he doesnt necessarily consider any of the others in the chat close friends, but he does know them all by name

he tries to get red into chess but they never really get it

he tells them all about the stuff that goes down in the games and they just. do not understand. but they love listening to him get excited about it anyway

"red you're not gonna BELIEVE this, eddie played an italian game on star today! i thought for sure she would see through it since everyone knows it but she slipped and he beat her in like, 13 moves! i wouldnt have believed it if i hadnt been there!"

"yes sweetie please tell me more" (barely disguised pained expression)

red is a skater and a regular at the skate park by the smithsonian

most regulars there know them by name, they can spot a newbie a mile away

they have a sticker of a broken tv with a skull inside of it on the underside of their board, its become recognized as a symbol of them unofficially

since theyre so regular and have been going there a lot longer than most of the other skaters that frequent the place, a lot of what they say is kind of just accepted as the rules

they have a bad habit of lecturing new kids who show up without knee/elbow pads or helmets at the very least. all the other skaters enforce it too. kids dont end up showing up without protective gear very often after their first visit

they brought a first aid kid and left it there and everyone has kept it stocked pretty well without them having to have much input. its kind of just a communal first aid kit

they once drew the broken tv symbol on the inside of a half-pipe and everyone started calling it red's ramp after that

they also started calling the bowl at the center of the park the Soup Bowl and now thats just accepted as the name. some of the newer kids genuinely thought that it was called that by the park and were shocked when they found out it was just a random nickname red gave it one day

theyve brought milo a few times but hes extremely awkward on his feet and could never really get his balance on a skateboard, and quite frankly red is afraid of what might happen if he tried even a low ramp, so he usually just sits at the rim of the bowl while red skates around

everyone knew he was their boyfriend before they even met him. a few of the regulars called him by name right away. one of them was certain red had brought him before.

but no

they just talk so fuckin much about him that its like they already know him

aside from skateboarding, red is pretty good on rollerskates/blades

they tried to take milo to a roller rink once but it was a disaster and they ended up going home, changing into pajamas, ordering chinese food, and marathoning movies till they fell asleep on the couch together. so not a total loss

theyre both very into movies. red is deep into horror and milo likes indie/art movies and just Cannot handle horror at all, but they both agree on old movies, from the 80s and 90s to like the 30s.

red has shown milo some of the classic horror movies and the niche old ones (from like the 40s) since theyre not difficult to stomach

every so often when red brings up wanting to see a horror movie milo is like "aw babe we can watch that tonight i promise it wont be bad" and he genuinely thinks he can handle it this time

he cant

he never can

it is always a lie

red ends up holding him every time and talking him to sleep, but it thankfully never causes like a major panic attack or anything like that

they love going to museums together, of all kinds. they love art museums. they also go to aquariums and aviaries

sometimes they like to go to other history museums and criticise the veracity or accuracy of exhibits/translations, all in good fun of course. theyre never actually being mean about it

SIDENOTES/UNCATEGORIZED

they both used to work at starbucks, when they were younger and before they worked at the smithsonian. they worked at separate stores 2 blocks from each other.

milo cant stand soda or carbonated drinks, red can and will chug a java monster in order to survive a long workday if they must. milo is constantly concerned for their health and wellbeing

they r both lightweights when it comes to drinking. they can split a six pack and both be falling-over drunk by the end of the night.

given the changes in beauty standards people DEFINITELY think milo is more attractive than they would in 1914. cmon. hes a lil twinky nerd. you think people wont eat that up?

he never really catches onto the flirting much though

did u think i would forget ki/da and the others? youd be wrong.

i simultaneously like the idea of something similar to the movie happening, but also just like... ki/da just being a regular person living on the surface. in either case they r all friends still

in the case of ki/da just being a regular person on the surface- i like the idea of atl/antis just being A Place in this au, maybe its a bit of a closed off country though? like, not many foreigners live there and to get there you basically need to be there as a diplomat or a scholar

maybe ki/da visits DC as a diplomat? she is a princess, after all

red meets audrey online cause they both yell at the same misogynistic asshole on twitter

they exchange discord names in the replies of the tweet and tell the guy not to interrupt them while theyre talking in his replies

i like to think red and milo are selected to go on an academic visit to atl/antis (to learn about the culture, with permission of the king), and audrey ends up as the mechanic on the ship during the visit and theyre like (spiderman pointing meme) at each other

red and audrey have so many inside jokes that they basically speak a different language. milo gets some of the terms from context and pop culture (they use "so very" in real life- as in "wow, that shirt is so very.") but he is hopeless to learn all of it

one of their inside jokes is any variation of "milo hot girl summer" and they REFUSE to explain it to him no matter how much he begs

milo wears that iconique tank top on the ship and they say it literally any time he bends over, picks anything up, reaches for anything, moves, BREATHES. he is bewildered and at this point concerned

(in truth, the joke came from red taking a really blurry picture of him in a short sleeve shirt where he looked pretty cute and captioned it "milo's having a hot girl summer rn" and they just could not stop repeating it once audrey met him IRL)

they have a minecraft world. i do like to believe that every so often vinny finds a way in- theyre never sure how- and griefs the shit out of them by blowing up EVERY. monument.

this post is getting long bc im enraptured by the idea of an atl/antis modern au so im cutting it off here but expect WAY MORE later

[protectwoc]

The Problem with Mal (part 3/3)

The Solution

This part of the essay is where we’re going to get into more opinion based stuff rather than facts or actual analysis, so if this is where you check out I don’t blame you. But I believe that with a little reworking the Descendants franchise could have reached its full potential story-wise. This reworking centers around one general idea:

The movies would have been better if Mal had not been the protagonist. Specifically, Evie should have been the protagonist of D1, Uma should have been the protagonist of D2, and they should have co-lead D3.

To truly discuss this thesis, we’re going to have to turn some literary techniques on its head. Bear with me everybody.

To start, let’s look at one particular literary device which I find most relevant to this discussion, that of a foil. Wikipedia defines a foil as “a character who contrasts with another character, usually the protagonist, to highlight qualities of the other character… A foil usually either differs dramatically or is extremely similar but with a key difference setting them apart.” Essentially, a foil provides a “what-if?” to another character, usually the protagonist.

Evie and Uma are both foils to Mal, but of different types. Evie’s character is radically different from Mal’s on both superficial and significant levels. On the other hand, Uma’s character is very similar to Mal’s, with a few key differences that make Uma a more compelling POV character. Unfortunately, while foils are usually intended to highlight positive qualities of the protagonist, Mal’s foils serve to show us what a missed opportunity the Descendants writers had.

Let’s compare and contrast Mal with these other two characters. We’ll start with Evie.

Motivation

What is Mal’s motivation throughout D1? In part one we decided her over-arching motivation is self-interest, specifically power and opportunity. However, if we look simply at D1, we can also see a different, more charitable motivation for her: To make her mother proud.

This is particularly interesting because it is one of the few places where Mal’s character and Evie’s intersect. As we’ve already noted, Mal and Evie are starkly different characters. Evie is more traditionally feminine, more sensitive, and shows more generally positive emotions like kindness and compassion than Mal does. In the background of many scenes (such as Mal’s dragon fight with Hades on the bridge in D3), Evie can be seen checking up on the other characters and making sure they are okay. Strangely enough, even though Mal is ostensibly the protagonist/POV character, we know more about who Evie is than Mal. Evie is, for some reason, gifted a rich inner life that even the main character is not allowed. We know Evie is interested in science and fairly adept at it, she is proficient in many homemaking activities such as sewing and cooking, and she helps Ben with the legislation for the VK project. We also know that she has a strong, steady relationship with her boyfriend that does not stop her from becoming a successful businesswoman who runs her own fashion line. The viewers are not actually told much about who Mal is beside her relationship with Ben and her talent with graffiti. Oh, and her middle name is Bertha I guess.

But for all these differences between these characters, the one place that they align is their D1 goals. Mal and Evie both go into the wand-stealing plan with the intention of making their mothers proud, but even though these motivations are the same on paper, I would argue that this motivation is better handled with Evie’s storyline than Mal’s.

Consider the relationships between Mal and her mother and Evie and her mother throughout D1. Unlike Evie, Mal is actually shown as having a sometimes-positive relationship with her mother. Maleficent pays her “compliments” (see: “That’s my nasty little girl”). She tells Mal that she intends for them to rule Auradon together with “matching thrones” and “hers and hers crowns.” There is even a whole song in D1 that revolves around Mal receiving encouragement from her mother, albeit an imaginary one.

On the other hand, The Evil Queen instilled in Evie anxiety over her physical appearance and relationship status and an intense inferiority complex. The only time she pays Evie a compliment comes when they are video chatting in front of the Fairy Godmother and all of the parents are putting on a facade. In their first scene together, Grimhilda charges Evie with “just finding (herself) a prince with a big castle” and then reprimands her for laughing because it will cause wrinkles.

As a consequence of this difference in parenting styles, Evie has a much stronger motivation to impress her mother than Mal does. Every decision that Evie makes in D1 is a result of this motivation, most notably in her side plot with Chad and Doug, whereas gaining Maleficent’s approval does not factor as heavily into Mal’s decision-making process, as seen in her relationship with Ben.  

So it makes sense that given the two differing relationships between these daughters and mothers, Evie’s desire to impress her mother would be much stronger than Mal’s because she has never truly gotten it before. I’m not denying that Mal and Evie were both the victims of abusive parenting, and of course, in the real world, people respond to different levels of abuse in different but equally valid ways. However, in a Disney Channel Original Movie, a brand that is not known for its subtlety, it makes more sense that from a writing standpoint Evie has a much stronger motivation and a much higher stake in this wand-stealing plan.

Arc

If I were to ask a random Descendants fan what Mal’s arc in D1 was, what is the most likely answer I would receive? Probably that she learned to be good rather than evil, I imagine. What about Evie? Probably that she learned she didn’t need a prince to have value, or maybe not to change herself for a man. Now, based on D2 and D3, which of these characters actually fulfilled that arc?

We can’t say that Mal “learned to be good” because she never actually learned to be good. Whatever lesson Mal learned in D1 didn’t stop her from trying to magically manipulate Ben at the beginning of D2, or trying to permanently banish all the VKs to the Isle in D3. What’s the point of claiming to be on the side of good if your actions don’t corroborate that?

On the other hand, Evie experienced actual growth over the three movies. In D1, we saw her struggle to find validation somewhere other than the nearest available prince, but later learn that she could take pride in her academic capabilities and her aptitude for clothing design. In D2, she continued to build her business with support from her non-prince boyfriend, and later find a new purpose in the plights of the VKs who remained on the Isle. And finally in D3, although we saw more of her relationship with Doug, we also saw her continue to fight for the remaining VKs, building her relationship with Dizzy, and once again continuing to grow her fashion line.

Evie, unlike Mal, actually had one continuous arc with true upward growth. Now, imagine, if you will, what D1 would have looked like with the story shifted to center Evie instead of Mal. It would be a largely similar story, but with a few key changes that would enhance the overall quality.

Removing Mal as the main character of D1 would allow for some actual conflict within the group as well as outside of it. Imagine a core four, led by Evie, that features Mal as her questionably-aligned best friend/number two. Evie and the boys begin to experience doubts about the benefits of their plan, but throughout the movie, Mal remains strong, reminding them that they are “rotten to the core.” Evie is conflicted, with her innate desire to be good and love of the sanctuary Auradon provides warring with her desire to please her mother and her acknowledgment that Mal may have a point. At the finale, Evie, Carlos, and Jay make the decision to stand up for good, and Mal joins them begrudgingly but fondly. Wouldn’t that have been a better, richer conflict than the “Mal feels pulled between her evil habits and the boy she has a crush on” plotline that we got?

Evie is closer to Carlos and probably Jay than Mal is. We see this in all of her background actions, but wouldn’t it have been nice to see these relationships, and these characters, brought into the forefront of the story?

Evie’s general kindness, generosity, and dedication to doing the right thing make her a protagonist you can actually root for, but it also proves Ben’s original argument, and the argument of the whole movie, that the VKs are not predisposed to evil simply because of who their parents are. This argument rings a little hollow as the story stands because its main example is not actually a good person. With Evie in the center of this story, this theme is actually valid.

Positioning Evie as the main character also means that the next two villains of the movies are not direct results of the actions of the character who is supposed to be the protagonist.

Now let’s look at Uma, and how she compares to Mal. Uma’s character is particularly interesting because unlike Evie, she and Mal are very similar. There are, however, a few key differences that make her a more compelling protagonist than Mal

Motivation

This topic has been done to death in fandom, so I won’t dwell too deeply on it, but it’s no secret that Uma’s motivation was handled better than Mal’s at essentially every level. Uma’s story as it was shown in D2 was so well written, in fact, that I was surprised that it came out of a DCOM, and a sequel to boot. The writers did an excellent job of giving Uma a sympathetic, well-fleshed out, compelling character. The only place they fumbled was in remembering two-thirds of the way through that she was supposed to be the villain.

It is strange, however, that in a story that revolves around children finally being set free from an unfair life sentence of prison and poverty, that its villain’s motivation is to continue to liberate these children while its supposed main character actively works against this goal. It is even stranger that in D3, presumably after they saw the massive internet and fan reaction to Uma’s character and motivation, that they doubled down on this distinction instead of rectifying it.

Arc

This section was originally going to be on character arcs, but it is hard to analyze Uma’s

because she doesn’t really… have one. She doesn’t need one, because her character starts out from a place of moral superiority over Mal’s. It could be argued that in D3 she learns to work with others, but even that isn’t supported by the source material because she never actually had to learn that lesson. She already works fine with the rest of her pirate crew, the Sea Three, and even the original VKs, shown in her musical support of Evie during the “One Kiss” song, albeit with, again, a copious amount of eye-rolling. The only one she has a conflict with is Mal (for good reason) and she never truly had to learn to play nice with Mal or to amend her behavior at all because she was always in the right. That brings me to my true second point…

#umadeservedbetter/#umawasright, or, Actions

This is where we examine the actions of these two characters. On paper, Mal and Uma have very similar character traits, but the actions they take within those constraints prove them to be very different people.

Leadership

Mal and Uma are both hailed as leaders within their respective groups, to the point that there is an entire song in D3 that centers around them vying for leadership of their temporarily-combined groups. However, this comparison does not shine favorably on Mal’s leadership skills. Uma has followers because she fights for them. She works tirelessly to get them off the Isle, and then to get back to them when they are separated. Mal never shows this same care for Evie, Jay, or Carlos. When Harry struggles climbing out of the ocean during the big “It’s Goin’ Down” fight scene, Uma goes back to help him without a second thought, sacrificing her revenge in the process. Do we ever see any indication that Mal would make the same choice if it came down to her end goal vs. her friends?

2. Strategy

If you asked a random fan, they would probably say that Mal and Uma are pretty intelligent characters, and they would probably be right. Uma, however, is the only one with any tactical aptitude. In D2 Mal foolishly and callously rejects her friends’ help and goes to face Uma alone, where she is tricked into agreeing to trade Ben for the wand. Then later, Mal’s plan for how to trick Uma with the fake wand is to just “get him [Ben] out of there really fast,” which fails miserably. After that, her solution to every problem is “turn into a dragon,” which is only actually helpful one of the three times she does it. Uma on the other hand is a pretty efficient strategist. In D3 she captures Ben smoothly and only turns him back over after seeing a pretty convincing display of the fake wand’s power. In D3 every plan Uma suggests comes to fruition. In “Night Falls” she orders the group to hold the line in the back while she goes to the front, while Mal thinks they should take left and right sides, respectively. However, as the chorus and next verse start, you can clearly see that they ended up following Uma’s plan, albeit with her and Mal at the front instead of just Uma. Later she suggests that they split up and search Audrey’s dorm, which they do, and they end up finding her diary which leads them to her cottage. Mal herself acknowledges that this was a good idea. The only maybe strategically unsound decision that Uma makes (spelling Ben into falling in love with her which has historically not been successful) is a decision that Mal also made, so I can’t necessarily take points off of either one for that.

3. Choosing “Good”

We’ve already established that Mal has failed astronomically at actually, honestly, switching to the side of good, but Uma manages to start out at a higher ground than Mal and then grow from there. We see Mal pull stunts like taking candy from a baby, graffiting walls around the Isle, and kicking over the merchandise in the Isle’s bazaar/shopping center, but we never see Uma do anything like this, except maybe yell at a patron in the Chip Shoppe. She isn’t cruel to her crew for kicks; she doesn’t even throw Gil out when he calls her Shrimpy, Harry does that. Her motives have always been noble and inclusive of others besides herself. Then, we see her go through the only growth left to her in D3 when she puts her pride behind her to help Mal save Celia and defeat Audrey. We never see Mal go through this type of growth, with the possible exception of her deciding to free all the children and bring down the barrier at the end of D3… WHICH WAS UMA’S ENTIRE PLAN FROM THE JUMP OOOOOHHHH MY GOD WE HAD A WHOLE MOVIE TRYING TO PREVENT THIS VERY THING AND FOR WHAT? IS BRINGING DOWN THE BARRIER ONLY BAD WHEN UMA SUGGESTS IT? BUT NOW THAT IT’S MAL’S IDEA IT IS JUST A-OK I GUESS OOOOOHHH, MY GOD. #UMAWASRIGHT #UMADESERVESBETTER

Ahem. Anyway…

Were these movies framed differently, Evie and Uma would have been the protagonists from the start. Interestingly enough, Evie and Uma serve as foils to Mal both on a story level, and a real-world level. They serve not just as a what-if to Mal’s in-character decisions, but also as a “what if the writers had framed the story to match their writing?” Because here’s the thing, the writers knew what they were doing. They acknowledged Uma’s similarities to Mal as early as D2, with Ben’s “angry girl with a bad plan” comment, but then a few scenes later they chose to position her as a villain anyway. They knew that having Mal suggest closing the barrier permanently in D3 would position her against the rest of the VKs, particularly Evie, and they even wrote a beautiful disagreement for them that could have led to some actual growth for Evie and Mal’s characters. And then a few minutes later Evie, Jay, and Carlos have just… forgiven her, with basically no effort on Mal’s part. Most egregiously of all, they know that Mal did at the end of D3 exactly what Uma was trying to do for all of D2, and they treated Uma like a villain for it. They even have Uma’s character acknowledge this but have basically no problem with it!

This, I think, is why I had such a problem with Mal, and why it grew so aggressively. Bad writing is one thing, but bad writing that is self-aware and yet makes no motion to deal with itself is another. This is basically the end of this entirely-too-long meta/rant. I’ve never been good with conclusions, I just kind of… run out of things to talk about and deflate like a helium balloon. But if there are any points I missed, any other topics to discuss, feel free to let me know. I highly doubt anyone has actually finished this whole essay, but if you did, just know you’re my favorite person. Until next time I guess.

[dreadwulf]

*sigh* Okay, I just had to write this all out to get it off my chest and hopefully get over it and move on.

People tell me I look just like Brienne of Tarth. I’m tall, blonde, broad-shouldered, and homely. I get mistaken for a man, even when I have long hair that goes all down my back, even wearing a dress. I’ve gotten used to it.

My earliest memory of school is lying on the ground while a crowd of boys are kicking and hitting me, because I was an ugly freak. Girls grow earlier than boys do, you see. I was the tallest kid in my elementary, and I was hated for it. I endured constant abuse. When I got a little bit older, and I was almost 6 feet tall when I was 12, the abuse mostly turned away from being physical and into emotional and psychological. Girls followed me into the bathroom, laughing at how my clothes didn’t fit, how awkward I was, how masculine. Boys no longer hit me, just ignored or ridiculed me. Because it was the 80s I heard constant references to the East German olympic team, how I looked like a member. I didn’t understand the references at the time, but I knew it was yet another reference to how I didn’t measure up as a woman. Much later I learned about how those women were dosed with testosterone by the government against their will - a terrible story that the people around me regarded as a joke.  There’s nothing funnier than a manish woman, apparently.

When I was young I was undatable, never considered an option to anyone. I never kissed anyone until I was in my twenties, and was a virgin until I was 25. It’s bizarre when I look back now at photos of myself, because I’m expecting a hideous monster, and all I see is an ordinary girl - a little taller, broad-shouldered and plain, not pretty, but ordinary. But it all got into my head, you see. Inside I still feel like a freak. Undesireable. Unloved.

I started watching Game of Thrones from the first episode (mainly because I’m a big fan of Peter Dinklage!), and I was intrigued. Intrigued, but not obsessed, not yet. I’m a grown woman and I don’t have time for that sort of thing. But the first time Brienne of Tarth took off her helmet onscreen and I saw her face, I literally pointed at the screen and said out loud, “that’s me!”

Never in my life have I reacted that way before. Never before, and never since.

Granted, the actress who plays her is a great beauty, but the character of Brienne I latched onto instantly and felt a deep kinship with, especially after reading her story in the books. How as a child she was a girl very much like Sansa, who loved songs and romance and dancing and other girlish things, but the adults around her told her she was too ugly. Her septa told her no one would ever love or want her. She was shamed for wearing dresses and trying to be feminine, was told she was embarassing herself because her body was not womanly enough. She was made to feel like a failure just for existing, for being umarriagable, for causing the end of her house by being so ugly that no one wanted her. But instead of just crumbling and disappearing, Brienne of Tarth took up a sword and decided to make something else of herself. She wanted to help people, she wanted to contribute something to the world, and she decided to find a good lord and serve them as a knight. Brienne is brave and caring and defends the weak and wants to protect the people she loves. Brienne is a hero. She is a hero while not being tiny and delicate and pretty but large, sturdy, and ugly. In that she is completely unique, and completely wonderful.

A lot of old wounds opened up, watching that story and reading A Feast For Crows. Old issues I thought I was over all came back up. I identified powerfully with having your femininity stolen from you because your body is different, with being abused for not being woman enough, and with longing for love in a world that hates you. I remembered being hated, constantly and visciously hated, just for existing. I relived the bone-deep belief that I would spend my entire life alone, because no one would ever want me, a belief that was constantly validated by the actual people around me. I became painfully aware of the sense that I still have to this day of being constantly too big, too loud, too much, that has me slouching and shrinking and taking up less space and whispering timidly and the effect that those things have had on my life and career to this day.

And watching Brienne’s story, I saw how someone can endure the same things I did, and keep trying. Can keep struggling to succeed, and even fall in love. That was the most amazing thing of all, you see. This woman on television who looked like me, she was a love interest! She had her own romantic storyline! I could hardly believe it at first. I watched through my fingers trying to talk myself out of hoping. Because this never happens - an ugly woman, a masculine woman, is never desirable in fiction, never important enough to the story to be a love interest, and never worthy of romance. Yet here it was, it was happening right in front of my eyes.

Her love story with Jaime Lannister was a competely unique thing on television. An ugly woman with a beautiful man. A bond of deep respect and admiration, with undeniable sexual tension. Here were two people who can understand each other because they have both been hated for reasons beyond their control, who sought refuge in honor and knighthood and were loathed for it. Brienne understood how hatred can warp a person, make them someone they never meant to be, just the way she herself had been made to harden and close off to the world. She saw the person that Jaime might have been, if things had gone differently, and the man he could still become. Jaime for his part saw worth in her when everyone around him called her ridiculous, even though she was his enemy. He still knew that she was more deserving than any knight in Westeros, and believed in her when no one else in the world did. He gave her a sword and a quest and even a squire, lost his hand defending her, and he put his own life on the line to save hers.

Jaime openly adored her, looked at her like she was the most wonderful thing in the world, and I have never seen anything like that. A woman who looks like me, being looked at like that. Do you know what that felt like for me? Can you imagine it?

This story meant a lot to me, is what I’m saying. It was healing for me. I believed in that story, and I expected that even if there wouldn’t be a happy ending, at least there would be that respect for the character, and that she would be taken seriously by the narrative and her story would be completed in some fashion.

And then they aired Season 8.

In season 8 we learn that not only did the show never bother to adapt her storylines from the books, where she is slated to face Lady Stoneheart and the Brotherhood Without Banners, they gave her no story in replacement. She has no material impact on the storyline of the show, she simply doesn’t matter in any way. The only major storyline they kept from the books was her romance with Jaime Lannister, and in Season 8 they destroy that story in the cruelest possible way.

After emphasizing that Brienne is an adult virgin, they give her one scene with what we thought was her love interest, where they share one kiss. One. Onscreen within seconds of Brienne being naked Jaime looks dissatisfied and unhappy, and in the same episode, leaves her to go back to his traditionally beautiful ex. Leaves her crying and pleading with him to stay. And then her story ends, except for a brief bookend where she writes an entry in the White Book showing she still loved him, even though he abandoned and betrayed her in the worst way possible.

Right now I’d really like to know if anyone involved with this show ever gave a moment’s thought to what it would be like to watch that happen. After years of patiently waiting to get the love story we were promised for five seasons, instead, to humiliate and punish Brienne for daring to think she deserved love. Did anyone ever consider what that would feel like for women like me? If they did think about it, I hope they enjoyed the hurt they caused me, because the way this story played out felt outright malicious and hateful. They could have given me one tender moment, one declaration of love or affection, just to know what it would look like to see that onscreen for a woman like me. Instead they deliberately withheld that. And then went out of their way to invalidate absolutely everything about the storyline we had been watching, as if it had never happened, as if we had imagined it all, and been foolish to believe in it in the first place.

Yes, I know, it’s only a story, but stories matter. We wouldn’t put nearly the effort and investment into them that we do as a culture if they didn’t. My story has never mattered before, and it meant something to me over the last 8 years that someone was telling it. So was this ending intended as a deliberate slap in my face, or was that collateral damage that the show simply did not care about?

The messages sent by our media are sometimes unintentional, but they are usually given at least some consideration. So I wonder what sort of message was trying to be sent by giving the gender non-comforming woman who dared to open her heart an immediate rejection, and have her then swear to serve a celibate organization for the rest of her life? Giving up her inheritance, her island, her own sworn vows to Sansa, and everything else she cared about? Am I meant to regard this as a happy ending, I wonder? Her feelings and dreams don’t matter, but hey, she has a position in the small council, so Girl Power! Was there a single woman anywhere involved in this production who might have pointed out how awful this is?

I understand that what’s done is done and there’s no fixing this, and complaining about it is pointless. But what I really want, what I wish for, is for somebody to confirm that at least at some point this was a love story, and that for whatever reason, network interference or showrunner decision or whatever it was, it was changed at the last minute. Just tell me that at some point the intent was real. To know that would be helpful. Because right now I feel like a stupid chump for ever believing that anybody wanted a woman like me to have a love story, and you cannot imagine how much that hurts.

[ryanmeft]

Movie Review: Pain and Glory

I want movies that make me care. I want movies that make my soul ache and my mind long. Pedro Almodovar’s Pain and Glory is such a film. There are pleasures here, deep, sensual pleasures of the type that cannot be easily packaged and sold: the exquisite pang of first longings, the wandering reminiscences of lazy summer days, the warmness of seeing an estranged friend or lover again after many drifting years, the slow accumulation of lines and cares like trophies unwanted but eventually greatly valued. They are hard pleasures, and if that makes sense to you, you should see this film.

You should also see it for the performance of Antonio Banderas as fading director Salvador Mallo. In his heyday, he was a star, formerly an actor, now suffering from every kind of aging-related malady you can imagine. His aches and pains, both of body and mind, are elaborated on in an extended sequence using graphs and charts of the human body and its functions, the movie’s only use of semi-elaborate visuals. He lives in an apartment and is visited by friends and his housekeeper, but makes no films and encourages no serious connections. Most of the time that we hear his voice, it is narration: the inner thoughts of 50-some years of life. Like all memories, his jumps around: now, he’s a child on the banks of the river, watching his mother wash clothes. Now, his mother is elderly and near death and disappointed with him. Now, he’s a pre-teen having his first stirrings of sexual awakening. Biographies, however well-researched, can never truly capture memory, for they are by necessity linear; the mind moves too quickly for that.

Banderas made a brief Hollywood splash in the late ‘90’s and early 2000’s, popular more for his sex appeal than his acting chops, but like Mallo’s memory, that was only a small part of the story. He had gotten his start on a string of Almodovar films back in Spain, and when he left to seek “better” opportunities, it purportedly created a rift between the two friends. Almodovar has chosen an interesting way to address that in this film, as Banderas is essentially playing a version of the director himself. This does not call for the smouldering looks and confident swagger he displayed in his days as an action hero, but for silences, deep stares, nuanced expressions. Banderas was good in the big pictures---I particularly enjoyed the pulp fun of The Mask of Zorro---but here he displays what real acting is, when less, not more, is required.

The plot, such as there is, is that Mallo’s most famous film is being remastered and re-released, and the presenters want both him and lead actor Alberto Crespo (Asier Etxeandia) to host the event. The issue is that Mallo hated Crespo’s performance, and the two have not spoken since the film released. This is mere background to get Mallo and Crespo together, which results in a series of creative fencing matches over heroin and alcohol. Mallo has been writing but not producing his work, and Crespo comes across a particularly enchanting self-confessional piece that he longs to perform on stage. The director has warned not to take this relationship too literally as representative of him and Banderas, but we can see it as at least representative of any battle of creative egos. Almodovar is being confessional not in the sense of a memoir, which is wise, because memoirs run the danger of coming across as being written by people who think too highly of themselves. Though Salvador’s apartment is actually Almodovar’s own Madrid home, this was apparently as much for ease of filming as to draw personal connections; whether you believe that and what you make of the choice is entirely up to you.

It would not be an Almodovar film if women, and the relationship between them and men, were not front-and-center. Mallo’s mother Jacinta, played in youth by Penelope Cruz and old age by Julieta Serrano, is a far greater force in his life than his meek and retiring father (Raul Arevalo). They live in a decently furnished cave in the village of Paterna, which is compared by a pious character to the way early Christians used to live. This is of little comfort to Jacinta, who worries over Salvador’s education and the family’s low social status. She isn’t the sort of woman whose worries take the form of traditionally feminine hand-wringing, instead delivering her admonishments, hopes and approvals alike as if they were populist sermons. Even through old age, she retains her fire, though she becomes less sympathetic. Older Jacinta is the kind of person who is used to being critical in order to improve her son’s life, yet doesn’t know how to stop or change after what he needs is comfort. These memories mostly involve real, relatively plain locations, shot in sumptuous detail by the highly awarded Jose Luis Alcaine, who has worked with Almodovar before and here takes the caves of Paterna and the paintings on the walls of Almodovar’s home and turns them into quiet beauty. The camera rarely lingers, because it doesn’t need to; the sense of Salvador fading even while surrounded by beauty is palpable, and the hypnotic score by Alberto Iglesias weaves its way through everything.

Two loves also form Salvador’s life, one chaste and one very much not. The first is Eduardo (Cesar Vicente), a laborer who the learned Salvador tutors as a child for extra money. This is the chaste one, as the labourer and his muscles awaken the pre-teen’s sexuality; they later connect indirectly as adults in one of the film’s more mystical plotlines. The second is Federico (Leonardo Sbaraglia), the first love of adult Salvador’s life. The way they reconnect I will not reveal here, but their story, and the scenes they share together, have the inexorable pull of true emotions. Yes, it also features Banderas and Sbaraglia sharing a much-discussed passionate kiss, one that feels true and rare enough in film, but the scene is not about that alone---it creates real closeness, a sense that these two people were important to each other in ways we will never fully grasp.

A film like this is a pleasure, not because it presses buttons a committee of marketers wants it to press, but because it is simultaneously about Almodovar and the people in his life and about everyone watching. It is about the audience not because you will have had the same experiences, but because it is about humanity and the bonds we form, ones that ebb and flow and last, ones that nevertheless can be better communicated in a single glance than in an entire film. Yet how glad we are that Almodovar has done just that.

Verdict: Must-See

Note: I don’t use stars, but here are my possible verdicts.

Must-See

Highly Recommended

Recommended

Average

Not Recommended

Avoid like the Plague

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