#i loved all the bust jokes idk

[iveneverbeenmorestressedinmylife]

After over half a year of complete inaction I finally bothered to finish turnabout big top (yay!!). And tbh? I know that this case gets a lot of hate but uhhh i feel like if u manage to ignore the whole weird thing that's going on with Regina or the fact that she is a literal teenager its actually a pretty funny case.

[mewtwo24]

You know reading vol 5 of mdzs before all the rest (don't ask me why I'm a clown and there were Circumstances) has to be the craziest experience of my life. Because it took all of ten minutes of wwx talking to literally hit me so hard in the gut I had to sit down and listen to really loud music for a while to calm down.

Who needs therapy when mxtx is alive and writing, I guess????? 🤡

Can't wait to get to the actual tragic parts I just know I'm gonna be that "help" frog phone meme

[disgustingtwitches]

MDNI

CW: dubcon (kind of??? Idk)

There's this conversation going around,

"If you invite me over to your place as a first date, I'm stealing something from your house to teach you a lesson about inviting random women to your place."

And I think this is hilarious, just imagine what 141 would think/do:

Soap: He doesn't notice when something is missing. It'll take weeks until Kyle points it out,

"Johnny, where's your PlayStation?"

He's immediately infatuated, he thinks you love him. You like him so much you needed to take his PS5 as a piece to remember him by, how sweet. Of course he's gonna return the favor by breaking into your place and bringing all his shit with him. You walk into your flat to find him wearing nothing but his boxers playing GTA,

"Hi doll, whan's dinner?"

Gaz: Pissed off to no ends. You took his fucking Amiri shirt, he just got that! He's hunting you down and when he busts through your door seeing you wear nothing but his shirt, he freezes. He can't help himself after that. You'll be squirming under him, cursing and spitting, while he pins your hands above your head with a crazed look in his eyes,

"If you wanted an excuse to see me again, should've just said that."

Price: Now he knows it wasn't gentlemanly to not take you out on a proper first date, but he hurt his leg and thought making a nice dinner and making you cum until you cried would suffice. Apparently not, a $600 box of cigars are gone. He's angry, hurt, confused. Poor man thought he was doing the right thing. Now he knows that you don't like when men treat you right. He'll snatch you up when you're walking home from work and tie you down to his bed. Brats get tamed, thieves get punished.

Ghost: He doesn't really have much, doesn't need much honestly. So when his switchblade is gone, he's seeing red. He curses your name while he stalks you for weeks. Blood boiling every time you laugh at a joke with your friends or sing along to some stupid song while you cook. Slowly but surely, things in your apartment start disappearing. Remotes, chargers, panties. You lose it when the plate in your microwave goes missing, changing the locks and setting up a ring camera. Simon is a smart man though, he'll wait for the perfect moment to knock on your door (when you are expecting a food delivery) and when you open the door absentmindedly, he barges in, firm grip on your throat,

"Teach you a thing or two about taking what doesn't belong to you."

[astonmartinii]

peas in a pod | oscar piastri social media au

pairing: oscar piastri x fem!russell!reader

y/n and george russell may be twins, but they’re hardly two peas in a pod and oscar is just there for the ride

MASTERLIST | TIPS

yourusername

liked by georgerussell63, oscarpiastri and 602,344 others

tagged: oscarpiastri

yourusername: are you alex’s appendix cause you make me wanna bust 😩

view all comments

user1: excuse me 😀

user2: sometimes i’m like yeah george and y/n are defo twins and then she says shit like this and i’m like they can’t be related

alexalbon: erm what is is ?

yourusername: gosh so other people can use your appendicitis for a seat but i can’t use it to appreciate my boyf - PC gone crazy

alexalbon: the only censorship you’ll need is when my foot is up your ass

yourusername: i’d love to see you try i’ll put you back in the hospital

alexalbon: you say that but when i woke up in hospital you were crying your eyes out begging me to never do that again 🤨

yourusername: i was CHANNELLING GEORGE OBVIOUSLY

oscarpiastri: she cried about it for a good week after alex dw she loves you really

yourusername: TURNCOAT say goodbye to your bedtime privileges

georgerussell63: okay we’ll stop right there, y/n is sorry for joking about your appendicitis alex, and y/n we will not be discussing extracurricular activities with oscar. thank you.

user3: what about the people who want to hear about the extracurriculars? and maybe want to … see them?

yourusername: @oscarpiastri how do you think mclaren would feel about an onlyfans?

oscarpiastri: i think it’ll be a hard no

yourusername: ugh boring

user4: y/n talking about an onlyfans whereas i don’t believe george has even seen a naked woman

oscarpiastri: i love you and your dumb fucking pick up lines

yourusername: what do you mean i’m literally the reincarnation of william shakespeare?

georgerussell63: more like e l james

yourusername: i knew it was you who stole my copy of 50 shades GIVE IT BACK

yourusername: anyhow … i love you too babe x

user5: every comment section we learn new y/n russell lore and it shocks me everytime

oscarpiastri

liked by landonorris, yourusername and 734,513 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: in this house i guess we celebrate hit tweets? happy one year anniversary to the alpine breakup

view all comments

user6: CAKE SCARED ME FOR A SEC I WON'T LIE

yourusername: i think the technical term is “stunting on these hoes”

oscarpiastri: for pr reasons i will not be agreeing

yourusername: @ otmar HE BROKE I’M UP

oscarpiastri: you’re going to get me into even more trouble than that tweet did

yourusername: blame me and tell them to meet me in the car park, no weapons just fists

oscarpiastri: maybe let’s not

yourusername: you don’t wanna be my sexy ring girl? :(

georgerussell63: one day of not threatening people is all i ask for

yourusername: you weren’t saying that when i beat that year 13 guy’s ass in year ten for picking on you 🤨

georgerussell63: well yes but needs must

oscarpiastri: sorry george i’m siding with y/n she’s not afraid to tell the waiter they got my order wrong

landonorris: and she can square up to the people who won’t leave us alone in clubs

georgerussell63: okay i get it damn

yourusername: SMASH

alexalbon: you can’t let anything be normal can you?

yourusername: since you wanna be in my business… lily is a smash too

alexalbon: excuse me?

yourusername: let it be known if i weren’t already with the love of my life, id steal your girl

lilymunhe: oh wow … umm ☺️😳

alexalbon: OSCAR DO SOMETHING

oscarpiastri: idk bro im focusing on being called the love of y/n’s life

user7: silly season was so boring this year thank the lord we have y/n to cause chaos

georgerussell63: do not encourage her

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri and 823,410 others

tagged: oscarpiastri

yourusername: you think i look bad, you should see the other girl. don’t touch men without their consent - and definitely don’t touch my man or you will be dealt with. trust.

view all comments

user8: someone leaked the video and omg that girl has hands

user9: she did NAWT hold back omg

oscarpiastri: i love you, thank you for defending my honour

yourusername: i love you too, i’d protect you with my life but don’t get it twisted, i’d throw hands for anyone

oscarpiastri: no but for real i’m very thankful for you standing up for me

user10: why is everyone praising this? all this shows me is that piastri is a pussy that needs his gross girlfriend to stand up for him?

yourusername: i’m going to stop you right there. that girl thought she could touch a man without his consent, and it’s completely out of order. so she was handed the consequences. oscar couldn’t do anything so it fell into my hands. you are the problem, do not talk down to him or other victims in those situations.

georgerussell63: as much as i joke, im glad you and oscar have each other.

yourusername: thank you georgie

oscarpiastri: thanks george, but your sister is the real knight in shining armour here

yourusername: i'll always save you princess 👸

alexalbon: everyone is being very sentimental but YO I KNEW YOU SAID YOU HAD HANDS BUT DAMN

user11: alex spill how brutal was it?

alexalbon: i had a front seat and it was like prime anthony joshua she was NOT playing

yourusername: oh wow that’s a big statement

alexalbon: i don’t wanna sound unprofessional but it was honestly crazy and i am so impressed y/n should really consider combat sports

yourusername: in my defence she just fully turned in on my fist

georgerussell63: okay normal service resumed she's making fun of me again :(

user12: why are we celebrating violence?

user13: people have no respect for the drivers these days, just because you’re in the same club as them does not mean that you’re entitled to harass them ??? you fuck around you’re going to find out… esp when y/n is around LOL

oscarpiastri

liked by georgerussell63, yourusername and 1,023,444 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: so a lot has happened. i don't want to give the girl any more attention. i love my girlfriend and i love how much she loves me. cry more.

view all comments

user14: OOP HE GAGGED THE HOES

georgerussell63: "cry more" y/n has clearly been rubbing off on you

yourusername: i can assure you i've done much more than just rub off on him

georgerussell63: NO NO STOP RIGHT THERE MISSY

oscarpiastri: to be fair you walked right into that one george

georgerussell63: introducing you two really is the stupidest thing i've ever done

oscarpiastri: first of all, arthur introduced us months before you "introduced us", second of all, this is a lot coming from the guy who cried to me about how i'm so great for your sister and can't wait to have me as a brother-in-law

yourusername: AWWW GEORGIE YOU SOFTIE

georgerussell63: yes i am soft. i love love. sue me gosh.

user15: they are so aesthetically pleasing to my eyes

landonorris: so does like y/n wanna give self defence classes?

yourusername: for a price, soz nothing comes for free in this economy

danielricciardo: please can you do classes? i wanna harness your rabid chihuahua energy

yourusername: i am NOT. a chihuahua take that back daniel

oscarpiastri: she's more like a kangaroo, cute but will steal your dog and beat your ass

yourusername: true, i just wanna put you in my pouch

yourusername: that sounds weird, but i just wanna hold you and never let go

danielricciardo: okay i was just messing around no need to be disgustingly cute

logansargeant: i'm glad you're both okay, but that room service debrief went so hard

oscarpiastri: honestly if i weren't holding an ice pack to my girlfriend's face it would've been top two

yourusername: eh i think it's still top two, nothing is unseating when we were next door to lando shagging and we made it a drinking game 😭

landonorris: WHAT ????

oscarpiastri: no comment

logansargeant: no comment

yourusername: it was drink every time you moaned impressively loud 👍

landonorris: no comment

alexalbon

liked by oscarpiastri, yourusername and 822,304 others

tagged: yourusername, oscarpiastri, lilymunhe

alexalbon: idc you can never get me to hate her ass if you poke the bear expect to get bitten

view all comments

user16: sorry to the galex truthers but y/n and alex are the superior friendship

yourusername: i knew you loved me + and i knew you loved oscar SEND ME THE LAST PIC NEW LOCKSCREEN INCOMING

alexalbon: i've been the personal photographer for both russells for years and i'm only just being appreciated

yourusername: HOLD ON i take just as many of you and lily

alexalbon: well that's easier because we're much easier to photograph

oscarpiastri: WOAH hold your horses pal, call me ugly all you want but one shall not dishonour y/n

alexalbon: okay someone spent the break at the russell house

yourusername: HE'S NOT UGLY YOU POOL NOODLE TAKE IT BACK

alexalbon: damn it's a tough crowd. and on a post literally appreciating you

yourusername: bare minimum

user17: okay the kardashians are over - netflix can we please get a drive to survive spin off about y/n, george, oscar and alex ????

landonorris: lando norris erasure

charles_leclerc: charles leclerc erasure

oscarpiastri: move over twitch quartet, there's a new sheriff in town

landonorris: okay i'm banning y/n from mclaren you've spent too much time with her and now a rookie is bullying me :(

yourusername: he ate you up... i'm so proud

landonorris: is this the environment the russells promote? @georgerussell63

georgerussell63: you're on your own on this one lando i gave up years ago

yourusername: @oscarpiastri i think that's called maximising our joint slay

oscarpiastri: they wish they were us for real

user18: i love watching a black cat gf slowly corrupt her golden retriever bf

yourusername: oscar is like an evil little kitten really

oscarpiastri: and you love it

note: quick one cause i'm in my feelings. enjoy this random oscar cuteness he is an aussie queen (also a friend of mine literally went to the same school as him it's so weird)

[abbysbug]

streamer!ellie x streamer!reader pt2

cw; threaten to bomb, domestic violence joke/comment, mention of wanting to make porn, loser stupid ellie

a/n; i freaking love writing for streamer!ellie shes so silly (and me)

discord

-

she has recently discovered overwatch and thats all she can think about.

she's so excited to stream it.

@carpetmuncherwilliams okay chat. are you excited for the overwatch stream 2night :3

@venomnutjuice title: i try to get out of bronze (impossible)

@carpetmuncherwilliams WHAT THE FUCK

• she is hardstuck bronze...

• (for all my non-gamers bronze is the lowest rank in the game)

• you've been playing overwatch longer than ellie, so you're more skilled and a higher rank.

• you create alt accounts to smurf in ellie's lobbies and boost her.

• "y'know, you're technically my e-kitten and i'm your e-daddy."

• "please kill yourself, baby. please do it and record it so i can make money off of it."

• "i will throw your game, ellie."

• "NO"

• she has spent over $200 on this game. you've tried to stop her, but she cries and whines until you give her credit card back.

• she then complains about how she has no money.

• for some fucking reason, she loves streaming at 3am and screaming at the game.

you: ellie i am trying to sleep. be quite or im turning the stupid internet off and then you'll really have smth to scream about.

• "chat. the gf is threatening me. should i bomb her or no."

@oogaboogaman woah!! ellie being domestically violent in 2024??

@snoopyisking can we ban ellie

@elliesbabyholder idk about yall but im with ellie. ill bust you out of jail

• she was planning to be quite but someone killed her in overwatch and she screamed.

• she hears ur thumping footsteps before she sees you walk in.

• "fuckin' give me that."

• you snatch her headphones off her head and put them on.

• "sorry, chat. i have to treat ellie like a little baby and put her in time out because she cant be quiet at 3am."

• then you end the stream and have to basically drag a pouting, grumpy ellie into bed.

• "what if a major porn company found me streaming and wanted to hire me then we got rich and you just ruined my chances."

• "you are not making porn."

• "but the money."

• "go to sleep."

@carpetmuncherwilliams porn comapnies hmu

"you can't even spell companies. delete that rn."

@carpetmuncherwilliams nvm dhmu. gf not happi

• ellie thinks overwatch memes are hilarious and her twitter is filled with it.

@carpetmuncherwilliams

@poopypiepee wise words..wise words..

• "winton"

-

@elliesmistress @yalaysbee @smelliewilliams @mystellenia

i tagged people who wanted to be tagged in my previous streamer!ellie fics

[midnightwriter21]

jjk hcs: their fav pet names for you

characters: reader x gojo, sukuna, fushiguro, itadori, nanami

warnings: language (i be cussing a lot sry), suggestive in gojo’s but not rly

AN: first jjk post!! hope it doesn’t flop lollllll

GOJO

pet names he calls you: sweet thang, sugar, princess, babe, mrs. gojo

now u alrdy knew before even reading that his goofy ass has a million an one pet names for you lol

but anyways

he’s got a MAJORRR sweet tooth hehe

like bro is always snackin on something sugary

hence the pet names sweet thang and sugar

“whatchu doin sweet thang” holding up his blindfold so you can see him wink at u lmfao

but when he calls u sugar i imagine him doin it the way those sweet old southern ladies say it if ykwim lmao

now

princess and babe are much more casual

like he’s calling out “babe i’m home!” when he gets back from a mission

or y’all are at the school and he’s calling for you even tho he 100% alrdy knows exactly where u are bc of ur cursed energy “princesssssssss where are youuuuuu??”

and mrs. gojo is used in either a VERY romantic situation when he’s tryna rizz u up

or

he’s tryna embarrass you in front of the students

there is no in between

“well, me and mrs. gojo gotta head out! she has stuff to do!”

“satoru.. we are not married. my last name isn’t gojo.”

“… yet” 😼

“and what stuff do i have to do?”

“me. i’m stuff.” 😼

*que megumi, yuji, and nobara fake gagging in the background*

SUKUNA

pet names he calls you: my queen, darling

he’s the king of curses so the first one should be self explanatory

cmon every king needs a queen yk

now he’s powerful as hell right

bro demands respect for himself

but let somebody say som to you in the wrong tone

girl rip that person fr

“you dare to speak to my queen that way?” and he’s busting their ass

also that’s how he introduces you to everybody

introduces himself first. and then hits them w the “and this is my queen, (y/n)”

darling is more of a laid back casual pet name

but he uses it all the mf time

“come here, darling”

“you look beautiful as always, darling”

“darling, you are the one that is important to me.”

darling darling darling

FUSHIGURO

pet names he calls you: babe, love, sweetheart

he likes to keep it simple

most of the time he just calls you by your name

def keeps the pet names to a minimum in public

or when he’s around his friends

especially when he’s around gojo lol

i mean cmon the second he calls u a pet name and gojo overhears?

poor thing is being teased til he’s bright red with embarrassment

in private tho?

ur real name almost never leaves his mouth lmfao

it’s “babe can you do this?” “come take a nap with me, love” “what are you doin, sweetheart”

idk i just know he’s soft for u

ITADORI

pet names he calls you: baby, cutie, peaches/peach

this man loves you and isn’t afraid to show it!!

NEVER uses ur real name

EVER

baby and cutie are his casual nicknames ofc

for things he’s sayin to u in passing

he’s hugging u from behind with a “hey cutie”

or when he’s whining abt something lol

“cmon baby you can’t be mad at me forever”

but he uses peach and peaches the most

the man likes ass

he said it himself

it’s canon

so ofc he’s referring to your “big juicy ass” his words not mine when he calls you that lmfaooo

but it also cute asf

“come peach get dressed! i’m taking you to watch a movie with me!”

NANAMI

pet names he calls you: sweetheart, darling, my love, honey

I. LOVE. HIM.

i rly don’t even have any reasoning behind his usage of these pet names they just fit him

he’s such a serious, sophisticated, gentleman

so of course he takes his relationship with you seriously as well

makes sure that you know he adores you

his love language is words of affirmation ik it

gojo jokes that y’all talk to each other like an old married couple

which u do

but it’s cute!!!

it’s the middle of the night and he has to leave for a mission and wake you up on accident?

“sorry, sweetheart, go back to sleep. i’ll be home soon”

he gets home from the mission and as soon as he opens the door he hits you w the cliche

“honey, i’m home!”

this next one is an every day occurrence

and i MEAN EVERYDAY

“good morning, my love” IN HIS DEEP MORNING VOICE meowwww

and y’all go on a date an you get dressed up for it?

“you look absolutely stunning, darling”

[thomatri]

Haikyuu males as love languages

Synopsis- Haikyuu boys as love languages featuring aoba josai

Paring- Iwaizume Hajime, Hanamaki Takahiro, Oikawa Tōru, Matsukawa Issei, Kyōtani Kentarō

————————————���—————————

Iwaizume Hajime as acts of service

———

Iwaizume just a helpful guy what can I say. He does just about every kind of act of service you can think of that’s pg. though he loves helping you with your physical and mental health the most. For physical he’ll help you work out. Whether it be helping you find the motivation to work out of helping you on a exercise that’s particularly hard for you. And for mental health honestly he’ll do just about anything. For you giving him acts of service you help him with mental more than physical since he seems to have that down pact. You do give him massages from time to time which he adores and always looks forward to

———————————————————————

Oikawa Tōru as physical touch

———

Of course he’s physical touch. Bro loves all types of physical touch his fav is probably hugs though. Iwaizume will yell at him for too much pda. When you guys go anywhere he’ll always keep your hand in his. Physical touch also calms him down. Mostly kisses on the cheek.

———————————————————————

Matsukawa Issei as words of affirmation

———

Lokey He grew up a lil insecure because of his eyebrows. So I’m general he loves compliments. He knew as soon as you genuinely laughed and complimented his joke he fell inlove with you. Maki made sure to tell y’all the joke was never that funny but he could had cared less. You make sure you sprinkle compliments here and there. You know how much it means to him and he appreciates it greatly. Surprisingly he’s not big on physical touch at all except kisses.

———————————————————————

Kyōtani Kentarō as quality time

———

Oikawa and Iwaizume are your childhood friends. They and by they I mean Oikawa asked if you could tutor Kyōtani so I guess you guys met through quality time. You were patient and tried your best to work with him which surprisingly worked. One study session he asked if you ever talk about anything other than school work, which your job is to tutor him not be his friend but you expressed your interest in music and you guys bonded over similar music taste. It brought out a side you both haven’t experience from each other drawing you both closer. He’s never really connected with someone like this before and soon platonic feelings became romantic. All Kyōtani wants to do is listen to music with you. Sadly stuff like studying exists but you guys make it work

—————————————————————-

Hanamaki Takahiro as gift giving/ gift receiving

———

Hanamaki gift to you is by far the most useful and amazing gift. And that’s memes. This guy seriously thinks memes are gifts and who are you to disagree. They make you happy and him happy so who’s to say otherwise. He’s not big on the other love languages though if it wasn’t gift giving I’d be physical touch he enjoys holding your hand. He’ll kiss you in public but god forbid you guys hold hands in public. He argues holding hands is way more romantic and personal and you just laugh and agree. Where he gets his logic who knows. He’ll also get you gifts in reference to memes as well. Like the minion plushie from the pupina meme. Needless to say your room looks a bit crazy with random meme references scattered around but you adore and love everyone single one. Actually you guys became friends because Matsukawa brought up getting a job at Burger King. And Maki started doing the Burger King fnaf dance and you bust out laughing. They both looked at you in shock but complimented your taste. Originally Matsukawa had a crush on you realized you and him were just friends but you and Maki on the other hand had another type of chemistry that was romantical.

—————————————————————-

Idk what to say

[syoddeye]

🥺🥺🥺 your drink headcanons are precious 💕 farah, alex, nik, and alejandro’s are my favorites. idk if you do requests but could you do first dates too?

hi friend! i'm glad you liked the asking them to watch your drink post. i do not formally take requests but i love when people pop in with ideas. and i really really like this one! i gave it a go

price. he’s never beating the traditionalist allegations. he is arranging the entire thing, picking you up right on fucking time with flowers, and taking you to dinner somewhere you’d never take yourself. does a poor job of hiding how pleased he is to pay, even worse when he persuades you into a walk and has you on his arm. he asks a lot of deep questions that coming from anyone else would put you off, but he’s not dating to fool around, if you catch my drift.

gaz. this man is so plugged into the music scene. follows bands, artists, and venues religiously because he doesn't get many opportunities to see live music and actually enjoy it. so he asks you for a genre, then sends a redacted screenshot of concert tickets. you grab drinks then head to a hole-in-the-wall. it's always nerve-wracking seeing a musician you know nothing about, but gaz nails it. three dates later and he sends you a personalized playlist. ugh, dreamboat.

soap. listen while i do picture him as a very outdoorsy and active guy, i think for a first date he's going to take you to a drink and draw. it's casual and scales to the mood, meaning it can be both an intimate and cozy experience, or fucking hilarious and a rowdy time. plus it gives him the chance to show off. draws a mini you and him at the end surrounded by trees. what’s that? oh that’s date two. a casual camping trip.

ghost. dinner and a movie. no, he did not just look up 'first date 101'. he's just not big on public places, and he knows that's a hurdle in dating. so he video chats you a few times before arranging the date to get you comfortable with him and to see his place, because babe, he's hosting. he's not the world's best cook so he'll order takeaway if you prefer, and if that goes well, he'll let you pick the movie. what happens after who knows

alejandro. he's the guy that knows the guy that owns the farm that supplies the bougie restaurant you've been wanting to try. and that guy owes him a favor. he drives you out there in his truck and has a table with candles and flowers waiting. he has you sit with your drink of choice and watch him prepare dinner, busting out all the tricks to impress you. yeah, he could’ve taken you to his ranch, but that’ll happen when he figures out he’s serious about you. date three.

rudy. rudy the foodie has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? it’s weird at first when he insists on picking you up in the early afternoon, but when you arrive to a local food festival, you get it. you need the hours to slowly walk around, and to digest the amount of bite-sized dishes and snacks you sample. he gushes about his family’s cooking, how he wishes he had more time to dedicate to cooking and play around with recipes. gets a little sheepish. you have him eating out of the palm of your hand when you take him to a cookbook store on date two.

kate. in my heart she is a patron of the arts. similar to gaz, she doesn’t get a lot of time to soak it up, so she finds galleries and museums through personal recommendations. she’s got a broad network, why not use it? she’s not a snob either. elbow to elbow at some gallery opening, staring at a befuddling piece of art, she’ll swirl her glass of wine and lean over to whisper, “do you want to get out of here? i can’t make heads or tails of this.”

nik. you are going up in that heli. asks if you want to take a nighttime helicopter ride to see the city by night. jokes about this time a young sergeant fell out and he thought he killed him. ha ha ha. the ride culminates with him landing on the rooftop of a friend’s building, and taking the elevator a few floors down to said friend's restaurant. not feeling fancy? that's okay, to the basement then for gambling and drinks.

farah. it's a surprise. she asks for your physical limitations. hm. what is she playing at? but you trust her. you receive strict instructions on what to wear, and then what extra clothes to bring. hmm. you end up at a rock climbing gym. at first you think, oh god, exercise and a new skill in front of someone cute? but farah is so encouraging and supportive. after, when you clean up, she whisks you away to a reservation that just so happens to be at your fave place. you compare biceps over dessert, and she’s shoots you a sly look when she squeezes your muscle.

alex. if you're up for it, he’d love to take you somewhere in nature. a hike or simple walk at the local park, doesn’t matter to him. he’s more relaxed and himself outdoors, and has the kind of energy that makes you open up. you find a good spot to picnic and talk for hours. real sweet, a good listener—so it surprises you when, at the end, he’s a smidge forward. “so next weekend…”

[sasukeless]

what are your modern au sns headcanons?

i like to incorporate as many things from canon into modern aus as possible tbh so i kinda already joked about sasuke being probably hunted down by true crime obsessed ppl trying to interview him about his insane murderer brother and also naruto finding out later in life he might be a nepo baby and his father was a big political figure idk it’s funny to me

as for narusasu specific hcs

they met at an orphanage (because unlike konoha who lets children raise themselves i feel modern au they just get shove into the system)

growing up they definitely liked to vandalize places, especially monuments. or well naruto did and sasuke covered for him because he likes naruto.

naruto spends half of his time in middle and high school carving sasuke’s name into tables and walls. he says he does it so sasuke gets blamed but he’s just in love and has a sasuke brainrot.

naruto is a collage drop out and ends up working with plants (i refuse to let him suffer by going into politics) and sasuke also drops out with him but comes back later to finish some because he ends working with reptiles specifically snakes.

naruto loves buy matching stuff All the time but he never admits it’s matching. he just buys things like bracelets or mugs in purple and orange and that’s it. sasuke is very aware of this but he never complains and uses everything naruto buys.

after they start dating they do wear those stupid matching necklaces kishimoto drew.

in their free time, sasuke is really good at playing instruments whereas naruto is more into painting (he’s so into street art!!!). sasuke for sure has a electric guitar btw

sasuke did naruto’s first piercing (eyebrow one) when they were 14. it hurt so bad they had a physical fight. still, sasuke does the rest of naruto’s piercings too.

they fight a lot!!! everyone is weirded outtt. but it’s normal to them. and five minutes later they are making out. they have a thing for fighting during sex too so there’s always a black eye or busted lip in the morning.

i can’t really see them dating other people prior each other tbh. it’s like in canon they are The One for each other since forever. they have some surface level crushes here and there before they get together but it’s never serious or affects them.

naruto picks kurama when he’s a kid and mistakes it for a puppy. it is in fact a fox but like by the time he’s told that (an hour later) he has already developed affection so no one can do anything about it, that’s his pet.

neither has a driver license. sasuke gets too annoyed at the traffic and the people in said traffic. meanwhile naruto gets distracted all the time. naruto still has a car and drives it because he thinks it’s fun and since sasuke lets him get away with anything he’s okay with both dying in a car crash because naruto kept singing loudly.

naruto texts sasuke 24/7 and even if sasuke doesn’t reply to all, he does read them and remembers them. sasuke’s texts consist in these two emojis: 👍 and 💜

i disagree with the idea that either of them smokes sorry. naruto tries it once but sasuke says he doesn’t like the taste after he kisses him and it makes naruto want to kill himself so bad, he never again gets close to do it again.

yeah, they share toothbrush and all (gross)

they are super competitive over video games and it’s probably the reason of 90% of their fights

each of them has seen like ten psychiatrists through their lives but they never stick around nor follow any instructions. they are rawdogging it at life and it’s okay, they make each other happy that’s what matters

they get married at 18th on impulse. when their friends find out they disapprove and think it won’t last but they do! they never file for divorce or anything

these are all so messy but yeah i can’t see narusasu being normal in any setting, they also don’t want to be normal

[morganbritton132]

Idk why this popped into my brain but it occurred to me that Eddie was probably on those celebrity editions of game shows. Celebrity Jeopardy, Celebrity Who Wants to be a Millionaire, etc…

And it just made me laugh so hard. The idea of Eddie Munson with Regis. Of calling Steve as a phone a friend for a basketball question and Steve being like Eddie I don’t know everything about basketball. But the answer is Larry Bird.

Just TikTok finding clips of Eddie yelling “suck it, Dan Cortese!” after obliterating them all at final jeopardy.

This fills me with so much joy! I love it so much.

Eddie does not go on Celebrity Who Wants to be a Millionaire by choice. He pissed off the band’s manager just enough that they signed him up for it without his knowledge, and he’s not doing it. He got the letter in the mail and it’s not happening.

Eddie ‘Six Years of High School’ Munson is not going on national television and making himself look like an idiot when he doesn’t even get to be in on the joke. No way.

“Dick move, man,” Gareth shrugs after Eddie put his foot down. “Even if you fuck the first question, they’re still gonna donate to your charity of choice. And like, maybe this is just the amount of money needed to cure cancer. Or epilepsy.”

“…You fucking suck, Gareth.”

“Yeah, I do!”

Eddie begrudgingly shows up and goes through the whole rigmarole to get mic’ed up, just ready to make a fool out of himself and call it a day. It turns out that he knows a lot more than he thought he did because he breezes through the first round of questions.

He knows enough about history, music, and the arts just from planning his D&D campaigns and reading about things he likes. He’s surprised by how much surface knowledge he’s gained from listening to the kids logic their way through their science and math homework, but sports are a bust.

He gets lucky on a few questions, but ends up using his Phone a Friend to call his partner, Steve. Steve and Eddie spend the first fifteen seconds arguing about how Eddie shouldn’t have wasted his phone a friend on Steve because he doesn’t know anything. And then once he hears the question, he’s like, “Larry Bird” and hangs up.

Eddie doesn’t win a millionaire dollars for his charity, but he wins quite a bit.

Afterwards when he’s still so hyped up about not being dumb, Steve’s just like ???? “Ed, you were never dumb. You just had trouble taking tests and none of your teachers accommodated your very obvious ADHD. You’ve always been brilliant.”

“Now everybody knows it.”

“Yeah,” Steve agreed. “Yeah, they do.”

Eddie signs up for Celebrity Jeopardy himself.

One of the first things that Steve and Wayne bonded over was a love for Jeopardy. Wayne has watched Jeopardy before he left for work for as long as Eddie has known him, and Steve was more than happy to sit with him when it was on. They both continued to watched even after Steve and Eddie moved to Chicago and sometimes they’d call each other if Final Jeopardy was “crazy.”

The band wasn’t touring as much as they used too and they’re all pretty much working on their own projects at this point. Steve’s finishing up his master’s degree while teaching full time and doesn’t really have a lot of time for him. Eddie is in between projects and creatively tapped out, and worst of all, he’s bored.

So when his manager passively mentions Celebrity Jeopardy, Eddie tells him to sign him up for it. When they accept his application, the only people he tells about it are Dustin and Nancy.

He only tells them because he wants their help studying for it because he wants to win this time. So, they study and it sucks. If Eddie ever sees another world famous Nancy Wheeler flashcard again, he’ll tear off his arm. He hates every second of their study sessions.

Eddie makes it through the quarterfinals and then he makes it to the semi-finals (knocking out Dan Cortese). He doesn’t win the tournament because he bets big on a Daily Double and gets it wrong, but he’s fairly close to the lead after Final Jeopardy.

It’s not bad for a guy that failed his senior year three times.

The fun part comes when it airs. He painstakingly sets up their camcorder so Steve won’t notice it before the show starts. The video he gets has a good five minutes of Steve fussing with a blanket up until they say ‘Eddie Munson.’

Steve looks up and then looks at Eddie, and then back at the tv, “Wha- what? Is that – that’s you! You’re on Jeopardy! Eddie, you’re on – oh my god, we’ve got to call Wayne.”

Before Steve can even do that, their phone is ringing and Steve answers it like, “HE DIDN’T TELL ME EITHER!” while Eddie is laughing his ass off.

When Eddie posts a TikTok about it like, ‘LOL remember when I was on Jeopardy?’ it includes this moment. It also includes footage from the semi-finales where Steve is just pacing the living room and repeatedly telling Eddie to just tell him if he won or not. Steve cheers like he’s at a football game when Eddie wins.

It’s just as tense when the video cuts to Steve watching the finale. Steve knows the answer to the daily double that Eddie gets wrong and is like, ‘This is why they should do Jeopardy Couples, we’d win so hard.’ Steve’s not even disappointed that Eddie lost, keeping the same enthusiasm through the show and then is like, “I’m married to a Jeopardy contestant. I’m so telling Janet about this at the staff meeting tomorrow.” 

[siilvan]

like real people do

characters: yuri

summary: after a mission goes badly, yuri comes to you to air out his frustrations, and what was a complicated situation ends up becoming something more.

genre: explicit, light angst, hurt/comfort, fem!reader (no desc.)

warnings: cursing, mentions of canon-typical violence, brief mentions of blood/injuries, friends w/ benefits situation, soft dom!yuri, slight possessive!yuri, oral (f!receiving), fingering, lil' hand kink, tattoos <3, unprotected piv, creampies, overstimulation, manhandling, praise, some references to religion, idk yuri's a simp, he's drowning in guilt and pussy

word count: 5.3k

note: this is going to get zero notes, but do i care? no. i'm writing for yuri and forcibly shoving him in everyone's faces until people love him. he's my favorite character and that is going to be VERY obvious here. i have more fics planned. so many. everyone thank @froglights-and-pearls for reminding me of who i am.

aaaand a big thank you to @sofasoap for proofreading this <33

"well, that was a fuckin' bust, yeah?" soap comments after collapsing into a seat, earning pointed looks from the rest of the group as you all boarded the transport helicopter.

gaz slumps down next to him and exhales heavily, shaking his head. "think that's putting it lightly, mate." he chuckles, tapping soap on the shoulder.

ghost takes a seat on soap's other side, rolling his neck to stretch out sore muscles - he took a nasty hit during the mission, his mask partially torn on the cheek and revealing bloodstained skin. you end up sandwiched between price and yuri, tilting your head back to rest against the wall as the adrenaline coursing through you dissipates.

to say that this operation went horribly would be an understatement. you all managed to escape with your lives intact, but the valuable cargo that you were hunting down was lost. you fought to get this lead in the first place, and now you're returning to base with nothing to show for your work other than damaged bodies and morale.

your head rolls to the side, and you end up staring at yuri's side profile. he's hunched forward slightly, a pensive look on his face, brows knitted together from clear frustration.

it’s been a few months since nikolai introduced yuri to the team. after laswell brought up makarov in that chicago bar, everything seemed to move at the speed of light; the invasion of al-mazrah, calling a ceasefire with shadow company, teaming up with farah's forces, mobilizing again before you could even catch your breath... the only good thing to come out of this hectic situation was your newest ally.

yuri was an interesting case from the start. nikolai claims that the two go way back and, after hearing the way he talked about the man prior to your first meeting, you're inclined to believe him when he describes yuri as "one of his best."

his status as a member of nikolai's faction is enough to pique your curiosity - you find out that he's ex-spetsnaz as well, but what catches the entire squad's attention is the offhand comment that the pilot makes.

"he's the only person i know that hates makarov more than you, price."

none of you get the chance to ask him to elaborate, and you've since reached the point where his explanation doesn't matter. yuri fit into the team fairly easily, and trust was quickly built upon after a few missions together. he seemed to understand the enemy just as well as the captain, if not even better. soap made a joke about yuri knowing him a little too well at one point, which he brushed off with a dismissive shake of his head.

the sergeants were the first ones to warm up to him, with price and yourself on their heels. ghost, always wary of anyone new, is a little slower to trust, but after yuri took a bullet in the leg for him, ghost was quick to welcome him into your group.

your lips twitch into a tired smile when yuri glances at you from the corner of his eye, his shoulders dropping slightly upon seeing your face. his hardened expression softens for just a moment, and you mentally celebrate the small victory while nudging his foot closest to you with the side of your boot.

the ride back to base is mostly quiet, save for price updating laswell on the situation over the radio. you're all dejected over the loss, even after price reminds you to not let it get to your heads.

yuri seems especially upset over it, though. you doubt the rest of the team picks up on his mood, but it's clear as day to you.

you've spent a fair number of nights under the man, after all. you'd be ashamed if you couldn't read him by now. the subtle flexing of his fingers wrapped around his gun, the way his pupils dilate as he loses himself in his thoughts, the clench in his jaw - you recognize the signs faster than your own reflection in a mirror.

he's angry. pissed off, actually. yuri doesn't often let his emotions show, preferring to keep up a façade of cool collectedness, but it slips out on occasion.

and when it does, you catch it. you always do.

the chopper touches down on the airstrip eventually, and you relegate yourself to the back of the group as you step out onto the tarmac. price excuses himself to his office while ghost heads off to the medical bay, and the sergeants make a beeline for the showers as soon as their boots hit the ground.

you watch as yuri wordlessly sets off towards the training grounds. it's a habit he has: airing his grievances out on a target.

you, meanwhile, loosely trail behind the sergeants and hop in the shower, rinsing off the grime from the battlefield and willing the loss to wash away with it. you stop by the mess hall for a bit, running into a patched-up ghost, before heading off to your room.

the base that the task force is currently staying at is a bit odd compared to most, in that you have more privacy than normal. while most places offer you cramped barracks or small dorms, the team was given proper rooms in a separate wing. privileges, gaz joked upon your initial arrival.

you're left to your own devices until a while after the sun sets. there's a knock at the door that you almost immediately recognize. you've heard it before, always after night has fallen and the sky is blanketed in darkness.

you trudge across the room and swing the door open, revealing yuri standing on the other side. his gaze stays low, not quite looking at you, but not quite looking away, either. you instinctively move to the side, allowing him to step into the room. the door closes behind him with a soft click, leaving you staring at him as a silence hangs in the air between you.

"need something?" you ask, breaking the silence with a soft voice. his eyes finally flit up to meet yours. there's something swirling in those pale eyes of his, an internal conflict that you've never been able to understand or pull out of him.

"company," he mutters, and you know what he means from that single word.

"destroying a few more targets didn't help, huh?" you chuckle, coming to stand in front of him. you slowly slide your hands up his arms, skimming over his shoulders and cupping his jaw gently. "you look angry, yuri."

he huffs, warm air puffing against your cheek. you can smell the tobacco on his breath. he's been smoking, yet another habit that he tries to avoid showing, especially after you commented on it.

"the only thing that will help is you," he replies, hands settling on your waist. calloused fingertips carefully dig into your flesh underneath your clothes, pulling your body closer to his. "only you can make the anger go away." he adds, thumbs tracing gentle circles into your skin.

you hum, keening at the subtle praise. your palms slide down and press flat against his chest, his heartbeat thrumming strong under your fingertips. you two established a set of rules at the beginning of this arrangement, and you've both been rigid in keeping to them. no kissing, no marking, no "i love you's," no jealousy—

no feelings. this is purely for pleasure, for keeping each other sane outside the battlefield. feelings would only serve to complicate things, and you already have enough on your plates as-is. the rules of engagement were clear, though there were those rare times that the lines blurred.

such as yuri's lips dragging across your sensitive skin after his head drops to your neck. he wouldn't kiss you, he wouldn't suck or bite, but the featherlight trail that he would trace might as well be a mark of its own. you angle your head back, a low sigh falling from your lips. his heartbeat speeds up just barely under your touch, your own picking up speed to match.

you let him walk you backwards toward the bed, the backs of your knees pressing into the edge of the mattress. he lifts his head and leans in close to your ear, his next words mumbled against your skin.

"on your back."

you obey without complaint, pulling your hands away and crawling up the bed, laying on your back and propping yourself up on your elbows.

you watch as he stands at the foot of the bed, his eyes never straying from yours while he pulls off his gloves and drops them somewhere behind him. the gauntlet on his forearm goes next, and you stare with great intrigue as he easily undoes the straps holding it in place and tosses it aside, the hard material carelessly clattering against the carpet. your eyes fall from his, landing on the various tattoos that adorn his hands and forearms, the ink telling a story that you're sure would send your adrenaline rushing.

he sinks to his knees after a second, blunt nails digging into the plush of your thighs as he pulls your body across the duvet towards him. like clockwork, he slides your uniform pants and soaked underwear down your legs before grabbing your thighs and spreading them, leaving your core completely exposed under his heated gaze.

he doesn't give you a chance to blink as he dives in, hot tongue licking a stripe up your slit and sending your head flying back against the bed. you push your hips up towards his face as he laves over your folds, fucking dripping the second his eyes landed on you after showing up at your door, pulling a shameless moan from your lips.

contrary to his usual generosity, yuri entirely avoids your clit as he stuffs your cunt with his tongue, greedily lapping up your arousal before pulling back and making wide circles around the sensitive bud. he teases it with a small flick and dips his head to plunge into your sopping hole again, humming and sending vibrations coursing through you.

you whine, fisting the duvet and squeezing your eyes tightly shut. "fuck, yuri— stop teasing—"

he lifts his head from your cunt and groans, throaty and utterly debauched. "patience," he mutters, heaving one of your thighs over his shoulder and digging his fingers into your hip. "you know i'll take care of you."

you choke on a sob when he flattens his tongue against your clit, circling around it and drawing it into his mouth. he sucks on it before delving into your heat once more, his nose nudging the bundle of nerves and making your back arch off the mattress. the lewd sounds filling the room as he fucks you with his tongue light a fire under your skin, covering your body in a thin sheen of sweat as you moan and clamp your thighs around his head.

he moans into your cunt, hands gripping your thighs as his hips jolt forward, eating you out like a man starved.

"yuri— oh, fuck—" you gasp. "please, please— 'm so fucking close—" you're not sure what you're begging for, what you always end up begging for, but as the coil in your stomach tightens, you can't find it in yourself to think about it any longer.

your jaw goes slack, mouth falling open as his tongue swipes up your arousal, his nose pressing into your swollen clit and dragging a stuttering moan from your parted lips.

"oh my— fucking god... yuri—" you whimper as your cunt pulses and spasms around his tongue, gushing into his mouth with another moan of his name that bounces off the walls of the room. he groans into your wetness and eagerly laps it up, working you through your orgasm as you grind against his face, chasing the sweet pleasure.

after your legs go limp on his shoulders, yuri resurfaces from your cunt, hands massaging your thighs while your breaths come out in pants, chest heaving.

"just like that," he whispers, smearing your slick across your inner thigh as his lips drag across your skin. you look down at him, seeing his steely gaze already trained on your blissed-out expression. "you can give me another, hm?" he asks, brows briefly raising with the question.

his voice has dropped low, his russian accent thick and heavy, words slightly slurring together as he stares up at you. his pale irises are hardly visible around pupils blown wide with lust, and you swallow back a pathetic sound at the sight.

"you can give me another." yuri echoes, more as a statement of fact than a question this time. he knows he's right— you know he's right.

you suck in a breath as two fingers prod at your aching heat, sliding up and down your glistening folds and gathering a mixture of your slick and his saliva.

"fuck, just— please—"

your pleads are cut off by his fingers plunging into you, sinking right up to the knuckle and making you writhe against the bed. they're thick, stretching you open as he curls them inside you, scraping against your gummy walls and teasing that spongy spot that makes your eyes roll back in your skull.

a third digit prods at your entrance after a moment, leaving you moaning and frantically searching for purchase on the bedsheets after he adds it in, pumping three fingers inside you.

"taking me so well..." he grunts, pressing his thumb to your puffy clit and circling it in tight, fast motions.

you buck your hips into his touch, legs shaking as your cunt clenches around his digits like a vice. his unoccupied hand releases your thigh and skates up your side, wrapping around your wrist and distracting you from his ministrations for a second.

he suddenly yanks you towards him, making you sit up and stoop over him. one of your hands lands on his shoulder, holding yourself upright as he continues fucking his fingers into you.

"look at yourself— look at how good you're doing for me." yuri sighs, holding your wrist tight to keep you from falling back. you whine, forcing yourself to tilt your head and stare at where his fingers disappear inside you.

the noises coming from the spot are obscene, lewd squelches accompanying every thrust in and out of your dripping core. you admire your own mess until your attention shifts to him— his fingers, his hand, working you open and sending you to cloud nine.

you've been horribly attracted to his hands ever since he first touched you with them. they're calloused, rough, experienced like you'd expect from someone in the field; but, the ink adorning his skin is what catches your eye. there's crosses on his fingers— holy symbols— and you watch as they drip with your arousal, black ink shining with the wetness coating them and dripping down his wrist.

it feels sinful, like you're fucking in the pews of a church. the rush of it makes your body grow hotter, heat flooding to your cheeks as you bite back a moan.

"take off your shirt." he says, eyes fixated on your drooling cunt.

you manage to tear your hand from his shoulder and slip your shirt over your head, your bra quickly following suit and landing in another small pile of clothes somewhere nearby. yuri's gaze flits up and lands on your breasts, a groan rumbling deep in his chest.

he mumbles something in russian before leaning in, drawing his tongue across one of your nipples and taking it into his mouth. you moan as he greedily sucks on it, your hand cradling the back of his head and holding him close.

it's risky— you two are toeing the line, pushing the rules you established at the start of this relationship.

he moves to your other nipple a moment later and lavishes it with the same treatment, reducing you to a needy, whiny mess. by the time he pulls back from your breasts with a wet pop, there's dark hickeys left in his place.

that's a rule broken.

his head dips back down and his mouth replaces his thumb, hot tongue swirling around your clit as you're suddenly brought back to the present with a loud moan. his hand squeezes around your wrist, reminding you that he only let go long enough for you to strip off the remainder of your clothes. you twist your arm, forcing him to loosen his grip—

he places a few more licks to your clit before wrapping his lips around it, and you moan as the vibrations bring you closer to your second orgasm of the night. you escape his hold only to search for his hand, blindly reaching for it as the pleasure forces you to screw your eyes shut. you fumble after finally finding it, but yuri's quick to help, interlocking your fingers and allowing you to squeeze his hand in a near-death grip.

fuck, this is getting too intimate. he's already broken one rule, and you're just about ready to break the rest. he mirrors your action, holding your hand as you teeter over the edge, your orgasm rapidly approaching.

"so close— 'm so close, yuri. fuck, please—!" you moan, trembling like a leaf in the wind as your orgasm slams into you.

he pumps faster still, letting you ride out the waves of pure bliss until you're whimpering and attempting to move your hips away. yuri lifts his head and hunts for your gaze, locking eyes with you as you hazily look down at him. he pulls his fingers from your folds and hums, satisfied, before pressing them to your lips and cocking his head to the side.

you know what he wants. you take his fingers into your mouth and lave your tongue over them, tasting yourself as you clean your release off of them. he watches you, shifting as his other hand releases yours and reaches for his belt.

"tastes fucking heavenly." he utters softly, sending a shiver down your spine.

he pulls his fingers out and chuckles at your pout, before nodding at the pillows behind you. "get comfortable. we're not done yet."

he sits up on his knees and starts to unbuckle his belt as your tongue darts out to wet your lips. instead of climbing up the bed, however, you reach out and start pawing at his shirt, tugging at it with a small noise of complaint.

yuri lets you undress him, a quiet sigh escaping him as your nails gently scrape down his chest and stomach, trailing over rigid muscle and old scars that he hesitated to tell the stories behind and often disregarded whenever you'd ask about them. you toy with the waistband of his cargos, earning an amused huff and yuri pulling your hands back.

"lay back," he commands in a warm tone, lips twitching into a small smile. "let me take care of you."

your gaze narrows at him, but you comply nonetheless. "thought you came to me for stress relief, not spoiling me."

you hear fabric hitting the floor before he's moving on top of you, caging you in with his hands on either side of your body. "spoiling you helps relieve my stress." he replies, giving you a look as if what he said was an obvious fact.

"lucky me, then." you laugh before cutting yourself off with a sharp inhale as the head of his cock prods at your entrance, dragging through your folds and coating itself in your arousal. his cock sits heavy against your core, a firm weight grounding you in the moment.

yuri grips the base of his shaft in one hand as the other rests next to your head, a tight fist in the sheets. you raise your hips slightly and let out a whine, lifting your arms to grasp at his shoulders as his cock slowly pushes in. a deep groan escapes him as he sinks deeper and deeper inside, your gummy walls fluttering and pulsing around him.

"fuck," he rasps, bottoming out with one final push. "missed this— it's been too long. needed you under me days ago."

you breathe out a moan, tossing your head back against the pillows when he dips down to your neck, panting against your feverish skin. he pulls out, dragging back until the tip just barely slips past your entrance, before snapping his hips forward and burying himself to the hilt.

you're already fighting back a sob as he sets a brutal pace, bullying his cock into your aching cunt, your hands clinging to him anywhere you can find purchase. his shoulders, back, arms— your nails dig into his skin, leaving angry crescent-shaped marks wherever they land. the bedframe creaks under your shared weights, headboard knocking against the wall with each pointed thrust.

after seconds of searching, your hands end up sliding up to his jaw, and you nudge him until he moves from your neck, his face hovering just above yours. your fingertips trace over his jawline tenderly as his forehead comes to rest against yours, your breaths co-mingling. it's too much. you manage to catch his gaze, eyes locking while the tips of your noses brush together. it's not enough.

"what are you doing?" yuri whispers, voice hoarse. he doesn't make any move to pull away; he seems to soften under your touch, if anything.

fuck it.

you surge forward, closing the small gap between you. his movements almost immediately stall once your lips connect and, for a split second, complete terror floods through your veins as the severity of the act hits you.

his hand flies to your face, cupping your cheek and holding you in place as he deepens the kiss with a quiet moan. you squirm under him, your hips pinned to the mattress and flush with his, impatiently seeking out more.

more stimulation, more pleasure, more him.

"we shouldn't be doing this," he mutters against your lips after prying himself away. "the— the agreement—" he adds, though the words die on his tongue as he kisses you again, hungry, like he's been starving up until this point. you try your best to keep up, even as the sheer possessiveness of the kiss easily steals all the air from your lungs.

you break from the kiss only when you're forced to, taking staggering breaths while his hand leaves your face and trails down your side slowly, landing on your thigh once more. he kneads the flesh before pulling your leg to wrap around his waist, allowing his cock to push in that much deeper.

"you deserve better than this." yuri says, pressing his forehead to yours.

with an airy chuckle, you shake your head. "i want you—"

yuri lets out a sound akin to a whimper and a moan, his iron grip on you only tightening when you roll your hips into his. "i'm not— hah, fuck— you feel like heaven… i'm not worth it. i don't deserve it."

you shush him softly, thumbs stroking along his cheeks as you press your lips to his. "let me give you a little peace." you murmur, letting out another heady moan after he starts rocking into you again, his cockhead brushing against that spongy spot inside you that has your back arching off the mattress.

"i only know peace with you in my arms." he replies with a choked sigh. the pressure in the pit of your stomach rapidly builds - between his words and his cock practically rearranging your guts to fit itself deeper inside, you're rendered little more than a breathless, desperate mess pinned underneath him.

it doesn't take much longer for you to reach your peak, barely having the chance to give proper warning before it's washing over you.

"fuck, m'gonna cum—!" you cry, fat tears gathering at your waterline and threatening to spill over.

yuri groans, gravelly, drowning in his own pleasure. "that's it, just come undone for me... show me how good you feel— how good i make you feel." his voice drops, a near-growl lacing his words by the end of the command.

"please, любимая— i need it, i need to feel you..." he says against your lips. "you can do it, i know you can, just one more for me."

that's all it takes to send your next orgasm crashing over you, your legs shaking and mouth falling open in a broken moan of his name. he keeps fucking you through it, hands grasping and kneading at your soft skin hard enough to bruise in the morning, pressing his body flush to yours as he chases his own release.

"good, good... i knew you could do it, my good girl," yuri utters, thrusting sloppily into your heat. "almost there— going to fill you up, nice and full— you've been so good, done so well for me. so proud of you."

he finishes with a guttural moan, pressing impossibly closer to you as warmth floods your insides, some of his cum spilling out of your overworked cunt as he gives a couple more thrusts before stilling, both of you breathing heavily. you stay there for a few seconds, yuri's hands running over your flushed skin as yours run along his shoulders and back, silently basking in the moment.

"i don't deserve you," he says, voice quiet as he kisses a small trail to your ear.

you trace abstract shapes into his skin, smiling to yourself at the way he leans into your touch. "we wouldn't be in this position if you didn't," you angle your head and pepper the side of his jaw with chaste kisses. "we are really bad at following our own rules, though." you add with a chuckle.

he hums, agreeing, and pulls back enough to look down at you. a beat passes before your spent pussy throbs, feeling his half-softened cock start to harden again.

"just one more?" he asks, watching intently as your eyelids droop at the sensation.

"no, yuri— i can't—"

"you can, you've done it before." he reassures you, capturing your lips in a brief, but sweet kiss. "just one more, okay? i promise, just one."

he sits up and drags you along with him, sliding out of your cum-soaked cunt and turning your tired body over as you whine and grumble about it. your front is laid flat against the pillows and your hips propped up, his hands massaging them while he shushes you gently.

yuri presses into you again, his cock sliding past your folds with little resistance and nestling deep inside you with a single push. you whimper from the overstimulation, clit throbbing and legs shaking as you try to hold yourself up.

all it takes to make you moan and bury your face in the pillow is a sharp thrust, his pelvis slamming against the backs of your thighs as he starts a pace you weren't at all expecting. how does he still have so much fucking energy?

"see? i told you— my good girl, my perfect girl, you can give me another one." he muses, rutting into you and savoring each lewd sound that leaves your mouth and soaking wet cunt.

"i can't— 's too much, yuri—" you sob, tears finally spilling over and streaking down your cheeks as he tugs you closer, your tired body sliding up the mattress every time he slams back into you. "please, 'm gonna fall— too weak, too much—" you babble between sniffles and ragged gasps, fisting the bedsheets.

one of his arms circles around your middle and pulls you back, forcing you to sit up on your knees as he holds you to his chest. your head falls forward almost immediately, struggling to keep upright, and his free hand wraps around your throat, carefully but firmly moving your head to rest against his shoulder. he's not choking you, he's not even applying enough pressure to affect your airflow, but it made your breath hitch nonetheless.

"you can take it. just one more, just cum for me one more time," yuri says, dipping his head to press wet, sloppy kisses to your shoulder and neck. "my perfect girl, my sweet fucking girl— want to fill you up, милая. make you drip with me." you wince when his teeth sink in to your skin, leaving painful marks that he soothes with a lick and another kiss, before sucking dark hickeys wherever his mouth can reach.

you frantically grab onto his arms for stability, laying your head back on his shoulder as his hand leaves your neck and travels down your front. it lightly skims over your bruised nipples and makes you shiver, before sliding down your stomach and reaching your clit. he settles two fingers on it, grunting against your pulse as your abused walls clamp down around his length like a vice.

you're dizzy, head spinning as you feel your climax approaching, the pleasure coiling deep in your stomach and causing you to cling to him that much harder.

"yuri... i'm gonna— fuck, please, i wanna cum—"

"i know, i know—" yuri buries his face in the crook of your neck, biting down to muffle the animalistic sounds pouring from his lips. "cum for me, just one more. you can rest after, i'll take care of you, just give me one more—"

you break with a sob, his name falling from your lips like some kind of mantra as your cunt gushes and spasms around his cock.

your body might as well be boneless with how much you're trembling, held up entirely by yuri's arms around you and his own body supporting you. true to his word, he lays you down again, your upper half limply resting on the bed as he grinds into you, barely pulling out before slamming back in.

his pace is frantic, uneven, as he literally fucks you into the mattress, and you don't even have the energy to help him get off like you want to. all you can do is moan and look at him with half-lidded, glassy eyes from over your shoulder, watching as he nears his own peak.

"please, want it inside... please, yuri—" the words slip out, almost inaudible over the sounds of your shared panting, the bed creaking, and the arrhythmic knocking of the headboard against the wall. you'd pity whoever has the room adjacent, if you could even remember any names other than yuri's.

your begging seems to be what finally sends him over the edge, his cum spilling into you again as he lets out a broken moan and a string of curses in russian, your slick walls fluttering around him and trying to milk his cock for everything it has.

he nearly collapses on top of you after a few more thrusts, his body falling in line with yours as he lets some of his weight rest on you. you're both spent, taking in greedy gasps of air as you gradually come down from your highs.

yuri's the first to move, pulling his cock out of you and shifting to hover just above your body, his upper half still comfortably pressing into yours. a gentle hand runs along your side as he peppers your shoulders and the back of your neck with tender kisses, his warm breath fanning over you.

"we, um..." you clear your throat upon hearing the hoarse tone. "we're screwed, aren't we?"

he chuckles, leaning in to kiss the spot below your ear. "yes, we are."

"i think i prefer it this way."

"so do i."

translations:

любимая (liubimaya) - my love/beloved

милая (milaya) - dear/darling

taglist: @sofasoap

[restinslices]

Would u be down doing earth realm boys or Lin Kuei boys doing karaoke? U can write whoever you want first

It is currently 9:32am and I have not been to sleep since 6pm yesterday. I feel delusional. If something doesn’t make sense, blame that.

No

Moving on-

I’m joking but Bi-Han gives me the vibes that he only moves his arm during Just Dance and complains because “it only tracks your arm! You don't have to do anything else!”

That's not the point. Have some fun and bust a move 

If you beg enough, he just might crack depending on the day

Thing is though, he's not really speaking. He's just saying the lyrics

Y'all are also not doing this in public. This is something y'all would do at home with a youtube video in the back 

You're singing your heart out (even if you can't sing) and he's literally just speaking 

You: SLIPPING THROUGH MY FINGERS ALL THE TIME, I TRY TO CAPTURE EVERY MINUUUUTTTEEE ♫ 💃🏾

Him: The feeling in it😐

Honestly idk why you'd even wanna karaoke with him

Telling him he's killing the vibe won't work either. He's either doing it his way or not at all 

He's also picky when it comes to songs

Prefers slower songs 

Which is wild because like?? You're hardly participating 

A short karaoke session. Only does a few songs or one long one 

Only long song I can think of rn is American Pie 

And he'd pick that one specifically so he can be one and done 

Also probably picks random ass sad songs. Bi-Han I do not wanna hear that right now 

He says he doesn't like it but gets offended if you ask Kuai Liang or Tomas instead of him. He wants to be asked and say no. Don't just ask them 

Give him a little performance. He'll roll his eyes but if you don't then he'll think something is wrong 

Prefers karaoke with just you two. I know I said private beforehand but he means it. Just you two alone in a room. He refuses to do his lackluster ass singing in front of people 

However, if his mood is better than it usually is, you could talk your way into letting his brothers join. Especially if you promise he won't have to sing as much 

Yes on occasions 

It's not frequent but that's just because he's busy. Not because he doesn't like it 

Idk if he can sing and I'm not getting a certain vibe but he'll do it anyway 

Cannot do any fast songs or faster parts because he'll have an aneurism

Pulls out the most random old song his father showed him when he was younger 

Likes duets because he can sing lower than you, so he's still participating but can't be heard 

Not a short session but not necessarily long. He just gets tired at some point 

Will gladly listen to you though. Even if your voice is straight ass 

It's bonding so it's fine and you're happy 

Also does it privately but for different reasons. Bi-Han is “I refuse to let anyone hear this”, and Kuai Liang is “no one should have to suffer and hear this”

Also idk how often they leave their home for casual shit so going to an actual karaoke place is foreign to him 

Probably likes love songs as well 

Giving him or Tomas a mini concern will result in lots of laughter even if he tries to hide it at first 

He's not singing his heart out but he's not just saying the lyrics. He's doing a decent job 

Enjoys listening to you more than he enjoys actually singing because of how expressive you are 

He'll never turn down free entertainment 

Idk why but I feel like he'd wanna sit by you while doing karaoke or have you sit on his lap

I just imagine it's really cute and the karaoke video is playing on your phone while cuddled next to him 

Idk, maybe I'm just a simp for him 

I just think he's a little romantic at heart fr. Singing stupid ass corny shit while being close 

Sometimes it'd be spur of the moment. If you start, he'd listen 

It's an activity he’d be down for every once in awhile 

Willing to do karaoke the most often 

Probably feels bad for being busy so when he's not he's like “yeah totally”

The one brother to not do only slow songs 

I think he also will have an aneurism if he tries to do faster parts of a song 

But he can sing songs at a so called normal pace 

Invites his brothers to join

Probably invites the Earthrealm champions and Syzoth too. It's turning into a party 

He hardly does anything fun so he's taking advantage of this 

Is probably also cuddled next to you

It's disgusting to everyone else 

Tomas either has a very heavenly voice or a voice that would frighten the most vicious monster 

Either way, he's hitting a high note 

I don't think he's been to a karaoke place either so it's probably not there 

It honestly could be at Johnny's place. Johnny didn't kick his ass so he doesn't feel rage in his heart when he sees him 

I think he's a pop girlie

Enjoys karaoke because it brings everyone together and it's an activity that won't cause some sort of trauma or death 

Hopefully 

Maybe 

He's isolated and bored all the time 

I don't think it's frequent because his schedule but if you want to and he's free then he's down 

Also cool with private karaoke between the two of you 

Doesn't necessarily have a preference 

Probably doesn't have a favorite song either. It changes depending on the day 

I have not been able to sleep properly since last week or so. I’m losing my grip on reality 😀

[ppnuggie]

Hello! I swear these people can't read, how do expect to read your work in the first place. Could you please do something fluffy with Earthspark Megatron. I don't care what I just need more of him.

Love your writing. Have a good day/night.

　　　　　　MEGATRON x gn human reader

　　　　『　megatron ,, gender neutral human reader 』

　　-> meg relationship hcs

　　— fluff ,, sfw ,, crack

　　— idk but it drives me up the walls 😭😭 this happens everytime i do requests smh :(( but anyways i did some more hcs for megs <33 esp since we got to see more of him recently in the show 🫶🫶🫶

• sometimes yall go on little flying dates ,, where he just flies you around the place ,, letting you feel the wind in your face in the safety of his alt mode

• usually during those dates you watch the sunset together ,, cheesey ik 😭😭 but he does love to watch them ,, his favorites are the super pink ones :>

• he’ll attempt to learn different literature and poetry to use on you ,, making a few of his own and sending them to you

• he’ll try to crack a joke every now and then ,, but you usually don’t understand it because its one of those ‘only cybertronians understand’ jokes ,, but you dont mind it ,, as long as you can hear his laugh

• some days you comfort him when hes low ,, thinking about what soundwave said to him and how his actions in the past were ,, how theyve affected him and this planet ,, he appreciates you being there for him though

• he loves to place little kisses on your nose ,, his spark flutters when you do the same to him <33 he cant get enough of it !

• there was this time where you found a box of kittens on the roadside and snuck them home and into your shared room ,, least to say megs couldnt be too mad about it ,, especially with how cute they were

• dont tell anyone 🫢 but he definitely wanted to keep them all instead of finding new homes for them ,, he named one after soundwave too ☹️☹️ but alas he had to hid his goodbyes to the kitties

• he calls you dear or beloved ,, usually he says your name whenever youre in public but when in the privacy of your shared room he’ll bust a petname or two 🫶

• he watches keeping up with the kardashians

[cosmicalily]

idols who are most likely to follow skibidi lore

txt: beomgyu and huening kai 110% bond over this together. i feel like out of all the idols in kpop, these two would be the most invested in it 😭 they'd definitely do the griddy and call assed gyatts and call each other sigmas. also i can picture them using this to practice their english too 💀 taehyun def bullies these two for it, soobin is kind of just clueless and doesn't rly know what they're on about but let's them have their fun bc it keeps them occupied although he regrets it when they start screaming STICKING OUT YOUR GYATT FOR THE RIZZLER, yeonjun starts using a bit of the slang but doesn't really get involved in the lore but he loves hearing about moas discuss his gyatt and his rizz and calling him a sigma

skz: jisung and felix oh my lord, probably not as open about it as gyu and kai but they still discuss it and joke about it 😭 i can picture jeongin getting a bit involved but just in the slang and maybe hyunjin too like i can literally hear their voices say "oH cHaNgBiN look at your gYaTt!" seungmin is definitely confused esp when felix busts out the griddy but yk who's even more confused? chris. jisung and felix probably yap enough to changbin and minho about it but chris is just so confused about everything and has to google terms and gets even more confused then when he finds edits of him with comments from stays discussing his gyatt he asks felix and jisung what it means 😭

enha: okay so literally just judging by nikis gorgeously captured childhood he definitely fell into the loop of skibidi toilet probably long before any other idol too bc of his age, tried to introduce jungwon and sunoo to it but they don't understand it/want to understand it. then somehow sunghoon asks niki about it and the two get so invested oh my god 😭 idk guys sunghoon seems like he'd get into really random lore also he's gorgeous but has this ipad kidness about him don't ask why or come at me it's not a bad thing its charm !! anyway they probably have big discussions of the discourse with beomgyu and huening kai (also niki was the one who probably got huening kai and beomgyu into it)

[the-dumpster-fire-of-life]

Okay this is kidna maybe weird idk, but Dina (romantic), Ellie (platonic) finding reader asleep in their bed with their shirt on ‘cause girls have been on patrols way too long and reader just missed them?

Reader gender neutral and girls seperately pls

(It’s up to you but I’d prefer hcs)

Take care of yourself, love ya 🫶

(why is this something I would do to my friends? Also, I'm glad you enjoy my work and requested, and I hope you enjoy!)

Shirt Thievery

Oh, Dina is definitely having a field day with this

She loves taking your crap

And she notices how much you like her shit and she lets you take it

Even if you don't do it much, she loves seeing you in her stuff

It just makes her so happy for some reason to see you wearing her shirts or her pants or stealing a hair tie or even something simpler

She teases you relentless as well

She cannot not do it

It's Dina for fucks safe and she loves teasing and being playful about it

She drops little hints that she loves it and encouraged you to keep doing it if you wanted

When she came back from patrol, she was probably stranded for a day or two because of clickers, she just wanted to curl up in bed with you and sleep

But she didn't even get the chance to before she stepped into a sight of gold

You, in her bed, wearing her shirt

Dina couldn't help but gawk for a few months

It was probably out of confusion before she got so smug and so happy

She definitely woke you up and started teasing you right away as she climbed into bed and on top of you

Say whatever you wanna say but she keeps going

"Missed me that much, didn't you?"

She loved it and will admit it proudly

Ellie Williams

Ellie, even as a friend, let you take her stuff all the time

She took her fair share of your stuff

At this point she didn't really notice if it came back but was okay if it didn't or if it did

She liked seeing how comfortable you were with wearing her crap and she likes seeing you in it

She was being playful about it as well with little jabs

"Thief." Was a very common thing your best friend would say with a smile when she sees you adorning her space shirt you love stealing

You slept over a lot as well so it was natural for Ellie to loan you clothes to sleep in

You also take up her bed and kick her off of it as well

It's fair at this point due to what she puts you through

As like Dima, she just wanted to collapse in bed and leave off to ehwetver the hell type of sleep she could get

She probably didn't even notice you until she flipped on the bed and you woke up

"Ow! Shit! Ellie!"

"What- why are you in my bed?! …And is that my shirt?"

You guys probably stared at each other for a good ten seconds before busting out laughing

She was laughing at how you stole her shirt, and her bed just because you missed her

But hey, she's your friend as well and she missed you

So after light hearted teasing and jokes, she begrudgingly (willingly) let you stay and steal half her bed

[stars-tonight]

Hello!!! Hope you're having a great day/night/afternoon!! I'd like to ask for a haikyuu match up please 🙏🙏

1 - I'd like a long one if you have enough time, but I'll be ok with a short one too!!

2 - A romantic match up please!!

3 - I'm a girl and go by she/her. I'd like to be paired with a guy

4 - I think my type is someone funny, loyal and kinda "good old fashioned loverboy", if you know what I mean 😋 Some1 who's kind of a loser when it comes to his gf and always takes her to dates

5 - Idk if you need MBTI, but I'm an ENTP. I'm extroverted and I like to joke around a lot. I'm very sarcastic and have an acid humor (I'm also very smart and good at academics, may I add). I like to consider myself funny, and I laugh a lot. I'm almost always smiling and laughing.

6 - I play volleyball (5'4 setter) and I'm literally OBSESSED with it. I breath volleyball, I love volleyball and I talk about it all the time. I also love cooking, even though I'm not very good. I usually cook for my younger brother, since we're very close. I play videogames too, my favorites are minecraft and FIFA.

7 - My giving love language is quality time, and I like to recieve acts of service or physical touch.

8 - My ideal date is doing something funny, like going to an amusement park, a circus or watching a comedy movie, where we're both just smiling and laughing with eachother.

I think that's all. Also, sorry if I got any words wrong, I'm brazilian and therefore english is not mt first language. Thank you for your time!!! 💕💕💕

headcanons

🥛 atsumu is one of the biggest dorks in the whole series and will 100% be a lovestruck fool with his partner

🥛 he'd always be taking you out on dates and spoiling you with gifts

🥛 shows you off any chance he gets, especially to irk osamu

🥛 i hate to say it but no way is atsumu academically intelligent

🥛 so you'll probably end up tutoring him in all his classes

🥛 he'll definitely whine about it though

🥛 "i wanna spend time with you"

🥛 "we're together right now 'tsumu"

🥛 "i meant on an actual date, not doin' something stupid like studyin'!"

🥛 he'd be so happy that you love volleyball just as much as he does

🥛 he'd definitely come to all your games and expect you to come to all of his (he'll throw a tantrum if you don't)

🥛 will probably start competitions about who can get the most assists in a game

🥛 you two are known as the "volleyball couple" because you're both obsessed with it

🥛 unfortunately for those like kita or suna who hoped that atsumu getting a partner meant that he'd chill out on volleyball, he actually doubles down on his obsession and competitiveness

🥛 goes so much harder in games to show off for you because he knows you know more about the sport so you can spot cool plays better

🥛 atsumu would totally want to cook with you even though he should NOT be allowed in the kitchen

🥛 you'll need osamu on standby even though it means he's third wheel-ing

🥛 atsumu doesn't seem like a big video game person because he's usually too busy with volleyball but he'd definitely play like a competitive shootout game (i don't know video games i'm sorry)

🥛 would rage quit

🥛 atsumu is one of the most pda characters in the whole show so he'll be showering you in hugs and kisses at every moment

🥛 after each game (yours or his) he'll run to you, pick you up and spin you around in front of everyone

🥛 he definitely suits lighthearted dates too (although he likes a fancy restaurant date every now and then)

🥛 would go absolutely crazy at an amusement park or arcade

🥛 has an unabashed, loud guffaw for a laugh (just look at the picture on the banner) and will bust that out at a circus or comedy show

runner up for you was hinata shōyō!

A/N: there you go, hope you liked it! i'm also a 5'4 setter lol