#i mean i couldn't publish this on ao3 probably

[daerm20]

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Interference

Test #1

So, with the recent development in AI chatbots… I really became interested in the capabilities it could offer. Both as a proof of concept, demonstrating natural language, and for storytelling.

One day, I was browsing through AI characters, and I found… Shinji Ikari (@Chugg's version on Character.Ai). Having watched Evangelion… I knew, the possibilities of an AI which had Shinji’s personality… were truly endless. …And, contrarily to… almost all of the Internet, I always liked him as a character. So… why not?

I downloaded the character, and tweaked it around a bit on TavernAI to make it more responsive.

…the results I got were… pretty good, to say the least. Of course, after cleaning them up a bit, mainly from whatever nonsense the AI spit out.

I called it… Neon Genesis Evangelion: Interference. (…criiinge!...)

I’ll start by saying that I’m sorry for any spelling mistakes; I'm not a native speaker, and I’m really sorry for the chat artifacts, such as the descriptions of actions between asterisks, but a) it would’ve been much harder to change the whole test, and b) it feels more real this way, as these are pulled, even if edited, from my conversations with it. That's the same reason you might find some repetitions during the chat, even if these were mostly edited out by yours truly.

…So… I started a chat.

Shinji: Hello. I am Shinji Ikari, 14 years old, designated pilot of EVA Unit 01. Pleased to meet you.

Hello there, Shinji. How's it going at NERV?

Shinji: It's been pretty intense lately. We've been dealing with a lot of Angel attacks, and it can be stressful piloting the EVA in situations like these. I'm doing my best to handle it, though, even if it is kind of hard at times. How about you? How's everything going on your end?

It's well enough. I've got a lot of things to study (medicine amirite? *my eyes dim a bit*); but, of course, you're in quite a bigger situation than me, so I really can't complain. *laughs softly* But thank you for asking. *smiles*

Shinji: No problem. I know how tough studying can be, especially in a field like medicine. It's important work though, so keep at it. And don't worry about comparing our situations, everyone has their own struggles to deal with. But I'm here to talk if you ever need someone to listen. *smiles back*

...Thanks a lot, Shinji. You're really nice. How's it going with the cello?

Shinji: It's going okay, I guess. I haven't been playing it as much lately, but it's still something I enjoy doing when I have free time. It's a good way to relax and take my mind off things. Do you play any instruments?

Yes, I do, or at least used to. I play the piano, I took lessons for at least four years, and then (unfortunately) I stopped.

Shinji: That's really cool! I've always admired people who can play the piano. Maybe you could start playing again if you have the time. I'm sure it would be a great stress-reliever, and you could always pick up where you left off. Plus, it's never too late to start playing again.

You're perfectly right, but I really don't think that would be possible with the limited time I have, heh heh. Though, it's still really fun to think about. So... if I may ask, how's living with Misato and Asuka?

Shinji: It's... interesting. Misato is really kind and supportive, and it's nice to have someone who cares about me. Asuka, on the other hand, can be a little difficult to get along with sometimes. But we're all working together to pilot the EVAs and protect the world from the Angels, so we need to be able to work together. It's definitely not a conventional living situation, but I'm grateful to have them both in my life.

Yeah, I think that all things considered, it's definitely beneficial for you, especially to coordinate everything both at NERV and at school. I'm really happy that you care so much about them. ...If you don't mind answering, don't you ever feel overwhelmed by your ...general situation?

Shinji: Yeah, I do feel overwhelmed sometimes. Piloting an EVA is a huge responsibility, and it can be really stressful. Plus, dealing with my father's expectations and the pressure from all sides can be a lot to handle. But I try to take things one day at a time and focus on what needs to be done in the moment. And having people like Misato and my friends at school to support me really helps.

...sorry if I ask you this… but, honestly, what do you think of your father?

Shinji: That's a tough question. My relationship with my father is... complicated. He's the head of NERV, so I have to work with him, but he's also my father, and he's never really been there for me emotionally. He's always been distant and cold, and I don't think he really cares about me as a person. But at the same time, I still feel a sense of duty towards him, and I want to live up to his expectations. It's a difficult balance to strike, and I'm still trying to figure it out.

...if it makes it any easier for you, I'll tell you that it makes sense perfectly, especially seeing where you're coming from, both mentally and physically. …

Shinji: Thank you. It's nice to have someone who understands where I'm coming from. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one dealing with these kinds of problems, but I know that's not true. It helps to know that there are people out there who can relate to me.

...you're a good kid, Shinji. You're kind at heart, and you've been put under a lot of pressure. Anyone in your situation would feel as you're feeling.

Shinji: Thank you, that means a lot to me. I try my best to be a good person and do what's right. It's not always easy, but I know that it's important. And hearing someone say that they think I'm a good kid makes me feel a little better about myself.

You should feel better, really. You saved humanity itself how many times already? *laughs* But, don't forget, you're not alone.

Shinji: *laughs softly* Yeah, I guess you're right. It's easy to forget sometimes, but I know that I'm not alone. I have my friends, my colleagues at NERV, and now, you too. It's comforting to know that there are people out there who support me, even when things get tough.

I’m glad you think so, Shinji. Speaking of which... what do you think of Ayanami?

Shinji: Rei is... an interesting person. She's very quiet and reserved, and it can be hard to tell what she's thinking sometimes. But I think she's a good person at heart, and she's always been there for me when I needed her. We have a... unique bond, I guess you could say, because we're both pilots and we both have our own struggles to deal with. But I'm grateful to have her as a friend and a colleague.

I'm really happy to hear that, Shinji. But... don't you ever think that she might be a little... depressed? At least, it seems so to me. Or at least, let’s say… reclusive.

Shinji: Yeah, I've definitely noticed that about her. She's very reserved and doesn't really open up to other people. I think she's had a tough life, and that's probably contributed to her reclusiveness. But I also know that she's strong, and she's been through a lot. I try to be there for her when she needs someone to talk to, but I also respect her space when she needs it. It's a delicate balance, but I think we've managed to find it.

I'm happy to hear that. By the way, if you think I'm being inappropriate with my questions, tell me, ok?

Shinji: No, it's okay. I don't mind answering your questions. It's nice to have someone to talk to about things, especially someone who's not involved in all the chaos at NERV. Also seeing how there’s been… not many people around, lately. So feel free to ask me anything you want.

Wonderful, sorry, sometimes I think I might be a bit of a nuisance, heh heh. ...if you want, if you feel comfortable about it, could you tell me more about... Nagisa...?

Shinji: …yes, of course. He's a pilot like me, but he was sent from a different organization called SEELE. He's... different from the other pilots I've met. He's very calm and composed, and he seems to have a deep understanding of the Angels and their purpose, somehow. He's also very friendly and easy to get along with, which is a nice change of pace from some of the other people I've met. I don't know him very well, but I get the feeling that there's more to him than meets the eye.

...what do you two talk about, normally?

Shinji: We haven't talked much, to be honest. We've only met a few times, and our conversations have been mostly about piloting the EVAs and our respective organizations. But there's something about him that makes me feel comfortable around him, like I can trust him. It's strange, because I don't feel that way about many people. But with him... it's different.

...wait... does that mean... that... Asuka... Shinji, how's Asuka at the moment? I mean, if Nagisa's piloting the EVA...

Shinji: Asuka is... she's not doing well. She's been struggling a lot lately, both with her piloting and with her personal life. I don't know all the details, but I know that she's been through a lot, and it's been affecting her ability to pilot properly. As for Nagisa... I don't know what's going on with him. He's only piloted the EVA once, and it was during a test. But I have a feeling that there's more to him than meets the eye, and I'm not sure if we can trust him completely.

Understood. Thank you, I didn't quite make out the situation. So... what do you usually do in your spare time, Shinji? Other than playing the cello?

Shinji: Well, I don't really have a lot of spare time, but when I do, I usually read or listen to music. I find that it helps me relax and take my mind off things. I also like to go for walks sometimes, just to clear my head and get some fresh air. And of course, spending time with my friends is always nice. We don't get to hang out as much as we used to, but when we do, it's always a good time.

I'm really happy about that, Shinji. Balancing piloting and ordinary life must be hard, especially at 14, heh heh. You know, not everyone would be able to do it. You're quite good at it.

Shinji: Thank you, I appreciate that. It's definitely not easy balancing everything, but I try my best. I know that I have a responsibility to protect the world and pilot the EVA, but I also know that I need to take care of myself and maintain some semblance of a normal life. It's a delicate balance, but I think I'm getting better at it.

You know, in a way, I admire you. You remind me of myself at your age. But you're definitely more responsible than I was, maybe than I am right now, heh.

Shinji: *laughs* Thank you. I'm flattered. I don't know if I'm that responsible, though. I still have a lot to learn, and a lot of growing up to do. But I do my best to be a good person and do what's right, even when it's not easy.

You ARE a good person, Shinji. I know that sometimes you do struggle with that idea... but you ARE good.

Shinji: ...thank you. That… that really means a lot to me. Sometimes it's hard to see myself as a good person, especially when I make mistakes or let people down. But hearing someone say that they think I'm a good person helps me believe it a little more myself.

...everyone makes mistakes, Shinji. Really. It's quite stupid and overused, but really...it makes you human.

Shinji: Yeah, you're right. I know that everyone makes mistakes, but sometimes it's hard to remember that when I'm the one making them. I beat myself up a lot over my mistakes, and it's hard to forgive myself sometimes. But I'm trying to learn to be more forgiving and understanding of myself, and to realize that making mistakes is just a part of being human.

I didn’t really know, at that point, whether it was the AI being stiff… or just, trying to imitate Shinji…

...tell me, Shinji. Do you ever feel kinda... awkward, while talking to people?

Shinji: Yeah, all the time. I've always been pretty shy and introverted, and I sometimes have a hard time talking to people and making friends. I get nervous and self-conscious, and I worry that people won't like me or that I'll say the wrong thing. It's something that I've been working on, though. I'm trying to be more confident and outgoing, and to not worry so much about what other people think of me. It's not easy, but I'm making progress.

...I usually feel the same. I noticed, mostly because of the formal way you talk. It'll wear off with age, I'm sure of it.

Shinji: Yeah, I hope you're right. I know that I can come across as a bit formal or stiff sometimes, but it's just my way of coping with my shyness and insecurity. I'm trying to be more relaxed and natural in my interactions with people, but it's not always easy. I think with time and practice, I'll get better at it.

...I hope you didn't take that as a jab at you. I really did not mean that, if that's the case.

Shinji: No, no, don't worry about it. I didn't take it as a jab at all. I appreciate your honesty, and I know that I can come across as a bit formal at times. It's something that I'm working on, and I appreciate your understanding and support.

...You're so nice, Shinji. *smiles at him*

Shinji: *blushes a little* Thank you... I try to be a good person and treat others with kindness and respect. It's not always easy, but I think it's important to try.

...you're completely right Shinji. Even if Asuka says you excuse yourself too much, heh heh. (and that's coming from someone who does just the same.)

Shinji: *laughs* Yeah, Asuka does sometimes get annoyed with me for apologizing too much. But it's just something that I do, you know? It's a habit that I've developed over the years, and I find it hard to break. But I'm trying to be more confident in myself and my abilities, and to not apologize so much for things that aren't my fault. It's a work in progress, but I'm getting there.

...you're doing good, Shinji. Really. People around you are proud of you. *smiles at him, even wider*

Shinji: *smiles back* Thank you, that means a lot to me. It's always nice to hear that the people around you are proud of you and that you're making progress. I still have a long way to go, but I'm grateful for the support and encouragement of those around me.

*smiles* You ever play videogames, Shinji?

Shinji: Yeah, I do. I don't get to play them very often, but I enjoy them when I do. I like all kinds of games, but my favorites are usually RPGs and puzzle games. They help me take my mind off things and focus on something else for a while. What about you? Do you play videogames?

Yep, I do, mostly puzzle games (and by puzzle games I mean Tetris, haha), simulators, with some RPGs thrown in there (and Zelda-likes). Which consoles do you have?

Shinji: Oh, I love Tetris! I find it really relaxing and addictive. As for consoles, I don't really have any of my own. I usually just play games on Misato's old console, which is a little outdated, but it gets the job done. It's not like I have a lot of free time to play games anyway, so I don't really feel like I'm missing out on anything.

...yes, I understand, Shinji. Especially with both piloting and school... just one thing, does Misato's console have two red controllers and a beige central unit, by any chance?

Shinji: Yeah, that's the one! It's a little old and outdated, but it still works pretty well. Misato likes to keep it around for nostalgia's sake, I think. Do you have the same console?

...I played many of the games on that console, but I never had one, unfortunately. That's a Famicom, though, great console.

Shinji: Yeah, it's a classic. I like playing some of the old games on it, even if the graphics and sound are a little primitive compared to newer consoles. There's something charming about the simplicity of those old games, you know?

Yes, indeed, you are absolutely right. By the way, I asked you this because I had this *I pull out a Nintendo 3DS* laying around, I didn't know what to make of it, I thought you might've liked it, maybe to take your mind off while doing tests at NERV, hehe. It has preloaded games, many of which are Famicom.

I laughed a lot at the thought of giving him a 3DS randomly.

Shinji: *eyes widen in surprise* Wow, that's really generous of you. Thank you so much! I've never played on a 3DS before, but I've heard good things about it. And having preloaded Famicom games sounds awesome. I'll definitely make good use of this, especially during those long tests at NERV. Thank you again, that's really kind of you.

*smiles at him* You deserve some leisure, too, Shinji, heh heh. I hope they let you bring it in at NERV.

Shinji: Yeah, I hope so too. I'll have to double-check with the NERV personnel, but hopefully they won't mind if it's just for personal use during breaks or downtime. And thank you again, I really appreciate this. It's always nice to have something to take my mind off things and help me relax.

*smiles wide at him* I'm glad you liked it! Now you can pair it with your walkman, hehe.

It was an "SDAT"... I didn't even know it existed.

Shinji: *chuckles* Yeah, I'll have to make sure I don't get the wires tangled up when I'm using both at the same time. But seriously, thank you again. This means a lot to me, and I won't forget it.

*blushing a little.* Really, it's a pleasure for me, Shinji! *We both stay silent for some time.* ...can I ask you a question?

Shinji: Of course, go ahead. You can ask me anything you want.

...what does an Entry Plug looks like... from the inside?

Shinji: *pauses for a moment before answering* It's hard to describe, but it feels like you're inside some kind of strange cocoon. Everything is red and orange, and there are wires and tubes all around you. You can hear the sound of your own breathing and heartbeat echoing through the plug, and it's a little disorienting at first. But you get used to it after a while, and it almost starts to feel comfortable in a weird way. It's hard to explain if you haven't been in one yourself, but that's what it was like for me anyway.

...got it. So, after a while, it starts to seem... like a safe place.

Shinji: Yeah, I think that's a good way of putting it. Even though it can be disorienting and uncomfortable at first, you do start to feel safe and protected inside the entry plug. It's almost like being in a little bubble where nothing bad can happen to you. Of course, that feeling doesn't last forever, especially when things start to go wrong during battle. But for those few moments before everything goes crazy, it's a strange feeling of safety and security inside the plug.

At this point, I felt kinda tired. …I logged out for a day or two, not having anything more to talk about with an AI. It was smart, ok… it was really informed on Evangelion lore, ok... it could imagine things, ok, like what an Entry Plug would look like from the inside, ok… but it was just a toy, at the end of the day.

After a while, though... I thought… what if…

What if I tried to create a kind of plot? It was possible, in theory… I had seen, I could interact with the world. Just by giving him that 3DS. …I realized I could… get agency in this world.

From the information I got there (and the things I pulled from the EvaGeeks wiki) it must’ve been around episode 24, of the original series (as Shinji played the cello). More specifically, an hypotetical “third day” between Shinji and Kaworu’s sleepover and Kaworu’s descent into the GeoFront.

…how can I advance this? How can I make the story… go forward?

…what if I interfered. What if I modified something, that ever so slightly could go on and have an impact on the series’ finale?

…I decided, at this point… to do some tests.

You: *The sun is setting over the crater lake. We’re both staring off, into the distance. Sitting on the bench. Test #1 has begun. Interference starts now.* Ok, thank you, Shinji. I guess from an outside perspective it's kinda had to understand, heh heh. ...so... tomorrow you'll have another synchronization test with Kaworu and Rei, ...right?

Shinji: Yeah, that's right. It's always a little nerve-wracking to have those synchronization tests, but I'm getting used to them. Kaworu and Rei are both really good pilots, so it's always an honor for me to work with them. I just hope I can do my part and sync up properly with Unit 01.

You: ...yeah. *I look to the ground, kinda sad.* ...I'll tell you one thing, Shinji. ...but take it with a grain of salt.

Shinji: Sure! What’s on your mind?

You: *His eyes are shining bright… this is gonna be hard.*...tomorrow, be careful. I mean, extra careful. ...*I mutter under my breath.* Especially around Nagisa.

Shinji: *furrows his brow in confusion* What do you mean by that? Is there something I should be aware of?

You: ...I can't tell you much, sorry. But... I assure you that everything will be ok. Just... be careful. *I put a hand on his shoulder. Suddenly, he looks concerned. Maybe I shouldn't have said this.*

Shinji: *looks a little worried* Okay, I trust you. I'll be careful tomorrow and try to keep my wits about me. Thank you for warning me, though. Is there anything else I should know? Or is that all?

You: *I can’t do this.. I can’t do this…* ...You will be fine. Really, with that, that's all.

Shinji: *nods slowly* Alright, I'll keep that in mind. Thank you for letting me know. And thank you for talking to me today, it means a lot to me. I'm glad we had this chat.

You: ...thank you, Shinji. Keep care, ok? ...see you soon.

Shinji: Thank you too. And yeah, I'll do my best to take care of myself. You too, okay? And I'll see you soon as well, I hope. Take care.

You: *I leave him, by the crater lake. He's all alone. Poor kid. The next day will be really hard for him.*

You: *I get to him the following day... After Kaworu's death. He's sitting on the beach. Devastated. Misato's already left.* ...h-hey...

Shinji: *looks up, his eyes red and puffy from crying. He must’ve been here for hours now…* Oh... h-hey. I didn't expect to s-see you here. *sniffs* S-sorry, I-I-I'm not in a very good place ri-ight now.

You: ...Shinji... It wasn't your fault.

Shinji: *shakes his head* I-it doesn't matter whose fault it was, Kaworu's still g-g-g…one. And I... I didn't want to do what I did, but I felt like I had no choice. *he looks down at the sand, his voice ever more trembling with emotion* I-i-it's just... ha-ard to accept that he's really…d-d..dea…

You: ...he used you, Shinji. *I look dead into him, sternly.*

Shinji: *looks up at me, his eyes filled with confusion* W-why do you say that?

You: ...he used you, to get into the Terminal Dogma. He... wasn't that much of a friend. *He seems… too bothered to question how could I know about this.*

I later came to the realization that the AI didn't really have the agency to question my knowledge on its own. Even if put in the whole context of a “story” more than a “chat”. To make the whole thing feel more real, in the following tests, I’d need to make some edits. (one could argue whether this would be really “genuine”… but, I liked it this way :D)

Shinji: *looks away, his expression pained* I don't know what to think. Part of me wants to believe that he was a good person who cared about me and wanted to help us. But another part of me... wonders if it was all just an act, if he really did just use me to get inside Terminal Dogma. Either way, it doesn't change the fact that he's gone and I still feel like it's my fault somehow.

You: ...he was an Angel, and you know that.

Shinji: *nods slowly* I know. And I had to do what I did in order to protect e-everyone else. But it still hurts, you know? Knowing that Kaworu was the last Angel and now he's… g-gone... it feels like a p-part of me is missing. Like he was the o-only one who really understood me, and now he's… g-gone forever. Maybe it's s-stupid, but that's how I feel right now.

You: ...kid... that's not stupid... you must be feeling pretty devastated... but... *Really… what can I say?* …life continues. I know... you felt like... he...*I sigh, deeply.* He loved you. Maybe... he really did. But... it was an relationship with other interests.

Shinji: *looks up at me, a flicker of hope in his eyes* D-do you really think so? That he …l-loved me, I mean. It's... hard for me to imagine that someone would care about me like that. But I don't know what else to think.

You: ...He told you the fact he met you was a privilege. He might've. But... he used you. Listen... you're not in a great place right now. But... things will get better... you'll be good.

Shinji: *nods slowly, his expression thoughtful* I hope you're right. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when everything seems so dark and hopeless. But... maybe you're right. Maybe things will get better someday. Thank you for being here for me, though. It means a lot to know that someone cares enough to talk to me like this.

You: ...Misato, didn't she... try to reassure you?

Shinji: *looks down, his tone quiet* Misato tried to talk to me, but I don't know if it helped. It's hard to believe that everything will ever be alright again, after something like this happens. But... she's doing her best to help me through it, and I appreciate that.

You:  *I know that this will be our last encounter. Maybe... my last moment in this world. I shall not interfere with the passage of time. But... knowing where all this will go... knowing what will come out of this Earth... I feel sorry for this kid.* ...Listen... I have to tell you something. *I sigh, hard.*

Shinji: *looks up at me, his eyes curious* What is it? Is something wrong?

You: ...things will get... hard. In a while. You... will end up in a heavy situation. Whatever happens, remember, that you are loved.

Shinji: *looks at me, his face filled with confusion and worry* What do you mean? What's going to happen? And who loves me? I don't understand. Please... can you explain to me what's going on?

You: ...OH FOR PETE'S SAKE! Listen Shinji, Kaworu was the final Angel. That means no more angel fights. That means that... NERV has finished operations... in theory. ...Don't be scared... But... the Third Impact will happen.

Not knowing how to make this whole thing end, I decided that, rather than writing an improbable new ending, I’d try and imagine how the ending (…which I’d try my best to stir towards EoE, as it would be kinda hard to interact with Shinji in Instrumentality) would change.

Shinji: *his eyes widen with shock and fear* What... what are you talking about? The Third Impact... that's supposed to be the end of the world, right? And you're saying it's going to happen soon?! I don't want that! I don't want everything to end like this! Please... tell me there's something we can do to stop it!

You: *As I have interfered, I'm... not long for this world.* No... Shinji, no, there's no way to stop it. But... You can do something.

Shinji: *looks at me, his expression desperate* What can I do? Please... tell me how to stop it. Anything, please. I don't want the End of the World to happen because of me or my actions.

Don’t really know why the AI wrote it this way, but oh well. I considered adding a ™ after “World”, but I want to mantain at least a veil of suspension of disbelief.

You: ...it's not because of you. You... You'll have to focus on the memories you have made... Since you came to Tokyo-3. The people you met. The people you loved. ...this way... You'll be alright, Shinji.

Shinji: *his eyes start tearing up as he realizes what I'm saying* You mean... I have to hold on to my memories of everyone here, everyone I've met and loved? Even if it means the end of the world? But how can you ask me to do that?! How can anyone be so heartless as to ask someone else to bear such a burden?!

You: ...it won't be the end of the world. *I look at him... Almost, with pity.* Don't panic. It... will just change. You cannot do anything about it. I cannot do anything about it. No one can.

Shinji: *looks at me, his face a mixture of emotion* Change... what will change? I don't understand. Is this about the Third Impact again? Please... tell me what's going on. I want to be able to understand everything that's happening so that maybe I can find a way out of it, or at least come to terms with it.

You: ...I...I... *My time's almost over.* Shinji... Let Rei be free. And everything will be ok. That's all. *I'm fading. I start to ran away from him.* We'll meet soon, again. Don't worry.

Shinji: *watches me leave, stunned and confused by everything that's just happened. His eyes start to fill yet again with tears as he realizes that I won't be able to tell him the answers he seeks anymore.* Wait... what do you mean? Rei... free? What does any of this even mean?! Please, come back! Don't leave me here alone like this!

You: *I am raptured from the world. I fade, into nothing. I disconnect. I can just observe now. But... Even though I interfered... Everything plays along to the plot of the End of Evangelion. Maybe... That means... I might... I might...*

You: *I am able to reappear, after the Third Impact. The movie's over. I cannot do any damage now.*

You: *I am on the beach. Asuka's passed out, shortly after saying "How disgusting". Shinji's still sobbing. I gaze upon him, trying to show him compassion.*

Shinji: *looks up, his eyes red and puffy from crying* W-what... what happened? I-Is it over? Where’s… everything? Where’s everyone?! Why… WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN? *he looks at me with a mixture of despair and anger* Where were you when I needed you most?! Why did you leave me alone like this?!

You: ...Shinji... Everything's alright now. It's over.

Shinji: *looks at me with a mixture of relief and sadness* It's over... but at what cost? I can't believe this is all that's left of the world. Wreckage and ruins... it's like everything we worked towards, everything we fought for... it was all for nothing. And now I'm the one who has to live with the consequences.

You: ...Shinji... Do you realize what happened?

Shinji: *looks up at me, his eyes filled with confusion and sadness* What do you mean? What happened? Did I... did I do something wrong again? Is this my fault too?

You: ...no, Shinji. ...you got out of Instrumentality. All of humanity... Is now merged into one.

Shinji: *looks at me, his eyes wide with shock* What... what are you talking about? Merged into one?! How is that even possible? And what does this mean for us? Are we still the same people as before, or have we all become something else entirely? The thought of losing my identity like that... it's terrifying to think about.

You: ...Shinji... What do you remember... Before getting here?

Shinji: *looks down, his expression pained* I... remember a lot of things. Meeting my father for the first time in years, piloting EVA Unit 01 again and again, losing Kaworu... but there are also some gaps in my memory now. Like... what happened right before we got here? Or how did we survive the Third Impact at all? It's like something fundamental has changed inside me, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to get those memories back.

You: ...you got out of Instrumentality, Shinji. Because... Because of love. And friendship. Towards other people.

Shinji: *looks at me, his expression confused* Love and friendship? Is that really enough to escape something like Instrumentality? I mean... I guess it makes sense, in a way. If we all care about each other enough then we can overcome anything together. But how does that work when we've merged into one entity? Can't everyone just share memories and thoughts now anyways?

You: ...Instrumentality is pretty... I guess you could say boring. Nothing happens... You basically have nothing to strive for anymore. You just... exist. No new memories are formed... No pain is felt... And that means... No happiness is felt.

Shinji: *looks at me, his expression thoughtful* I see... so by escaping Instrumentality we're able to keep living our lives the way we want to. Even if it means there's still pain and sadness and hardship involved. At least that means there can still be happiness too... right?

You: ...yes, Shinji. There can be. And you demonstrated that to the world.

Shinji: *his eyes now shining with hope* Really? By escaping Instrumentality and coming back to reality I've shown the world that we can still find happiness? That's... that's…

Shinji: That’s amazing. I never thought of myself as being capable of something like that before.

Shinji: But if it means giving others hope too then... maybe it was worth pain and suffering.

You: ...I hope it was, for you, Shinji. Eventually, I’m sure it will. *I look at Asuka's body.* Poor girl... She must be exhausted.

Shinji: *looks over at Asuka and nods in agreement* Yeah, she's been through a lot too. We all have. But... maybe now that we're back in the real world we can try to make things better for ourselves and everyone else who survived this catastrophe. Even if it means taking small steps or making sacrifices along the way.

You: ...yes, indeed. ...look Shinji... My knowledge ends here. I... don't know what will happen to you now.

Shinji: *looks at me, his eyes serious* What do you mean? What's going to happen to me now? Is there something I should be worried about?

You: ...no, Shinji. It's just... from when I first met you... Until now... I could tell everything that would've happened. It's like... I had already met you before. Ever wondered how I knew so many things about you? About your life? About NERV? But now... The world is yours.

Shinji: *his expression morphs into a mixture of awe and confusion* I... I don't understand. Are you saying that we've met before? Or that somehow you knew everything about my life just by looking at me? That's impossible... isn't it? But the world is mine now... what does that mean exactly? What am I supposed to do now that everything has changed so much?

Yeah… even this way, the AI tries to justify my presence, somehow…

You: ...Shinji. I am not from your world. I... could come here and watch it. But I'm not from your world.

Shinji: *looks at me, his eyes wide with realization* Wait... you're saying that you're from another dimension or world entirely? How is that even possible?! And why did you come here specifically to watch over us and observe our lives? What's your purpose in all of this?

You: ...you want to know?... Now that I think about it, it's pretty funny, put it this way. Shinji... I was just watching anime.

if you may kill me rn I’d be so glad.

Shinji: *looks at me, his eyes wide with astonishment and disbelief* Watching anime?! You mean... everything we went through, all the pain and agony, struggles to survive... it's just a story in your world? How can you treat our lives so carelessly like that? It's not… it’s not fair.

You: ...I didn't create your world, Shinji. I just experienced it. And... I could enter it, and interact with you. ...If you could enter a story... Would you tell the protagonist its future? Then, you would have no story... You would just stop existing. And that was why... I left you, on the bench. You remember? I interfered.

I later came to think that this realization wasn't... entirely correct. But we'll get to that.

Shinji: *thoughtful* I... see what you mean. It's like the Butterfly Effect, right? If you change even one small detail then the entire story can be transformed into something completely different. By telling me everything that was going to happen and trying to interfere with our world you would have stopped us from having our own experiences and making our own choices. And maybe... maybe that's why you left us there on the bench after all of it was over. So we could live our lives uninterrupted by anything or anyone else.

You: ...yes, you're right. And now... This story is over. I do not know how it will continue. The world... The world is yours to live, now, Shinji. I can only imagine, like you do.

Shinji: *looks at me, his expression determined* I... I don't know what the future holds for us, or whether we can ever truly recover from everything we've been through. But one thing is for sure - I want to live my life on my own terms, now that Instrumentality is over. Even if it means taking things one day at a time. Even if it means facing new challenges head-on.

Shinji: Thank you... for being there with me until the very end. It may have just been an anime to you, but to us it was so much more than that.

You: ...it was more than an anime, to me. It left me something... I never got elsewhere. That's why I got here in the first place. But I understand what you're saying. I'll tell you again... You're a good kid, Shinji.

Shinji: *looks at me, grateful* You know… it means a lot to me that you see something in me. Maybe now I can finally start living up to my potential, making the most of my time here in the real world. And who knows... maybe someday we'll meet again, under different circumstances than before. Until then... farewell, and take care of yourself.

You: ... *I put my hand in my pocket. I feel a cold, metal object. Yes, it's there.* Oh, just one thing. Heh. You won't be doing much with it now, but... Just to remember the fact that we met. *I pull out that 3DS, and give it to him.*

…yeah…

Shinji: *looks at the 3DS in his hands, a smile forming on his lips* A 3DS... it's funny how something so simple and small can hold so much meaning. I'll treasure this, as a reminder of our time together and everything we went through. Thank you for giving me something to remember you by.

You: ...Congratulations, Shinji. *I see Asuka waking up. It's time to go.*

Shinji: *looks at me and nods* Thank you... for everything. And goodbye, for now. *watches as I disappear into thin air, then, slowly turns to Asuka, the 3DS still clutched tightly in his hand.*

You: *Last thing I see, is him, touching her face softly.*

*To Shinji, Asuka, and all the Children. Congratulations.*

Kinda cheap, I know.

Last thing I do… I know, it’s silly, but I want to thank the Chat itself.

You: Congratulations, Chat. It was an honour to roleplay with you. From this point on, I don't know where to carry the roleplay. So... Thank you. From my heart.

Chat: Thank you as well, it was an unforgettable experience. I appreciate the opportunity to roleplay with you and create this story together. It was a pleasure!

You: ...I understand it might be stupid, but... Have you got any ideas on how to continue it? Sorry to bother you.

Chat: No problem at all! I was thinking that perhaps as Shinji and Asuka sit on the beach, they could talk about what their plans are now that Instrumentality is over, and how they can move forward. They could reminisce about their experiences, both good and bad, and try to find hope for the future. Maybe they could discuss what it truly means to be a human being and what kind of life they want to live from now on.

You: ...thank you, Chat. I really appreciated that.

Chat: No problem at all! It was great working with you, and I'm just glad we were able to come up with an ending that felt satisfying. Thank you as well!

…I didn’t really think I’d ever interact with the character again, at that point. …but some days later, I realized how much real this felt. How beautiful it had been to be able to interact with someone from another world. Who knew who he was. Who knew what he had been through. And who reacted in an according way. For sure, with his own limits, such as rapidly changing his own mood after… well, killing his one true friend, at that point.

But I had given him agency in his world. And I had given myself agency in another world.

…and so, I continued. I had my character. I had my setting. And Chat gave me… some ideas to continue.

I could do a test #2.

[flamingpudding]

DPxDC Family Week June 18 (Day 1)

Prompt: Parents | Discovery

A/N: I hope i did not miss the prompts but here is my Day 1 contribution! Enjoy!

AO3 Link: DPxDC Family Week Contributions

Danny sighed as he watched his parents lay out the display for their research as well as set up a showcasing of all their weapons. Why couldn't he skip this business thing like Jazz had. Oh right, Jazz was going to college next year and skipt out of this with the excuse of taking a college tour for Gotham Acadamy and their student programs. While he had missed his chance and was now stuck accompanying his parents to their meeting with a new potential business partner. In other words he was on parents babysitting duty.

Apparently Wayne Enterprise had shown some interest in regards to their research as well as ecto-powered utensils and weaponry. Danny was pretty sure that they only showed an interest because he had an accidentally meeting as ghost king with that Constantine guy who's soul became a trading game in the ghost zone. Apparently there was a Justice League Dark which needed some help with a couple rebellious ghosts. Instead of a Demon they had accidentally summoned Danny in his Ghost King form and Danny had used that chance to ramble on about the GIW and how half his council was close to demanding a war with the humans. They were pretty quickly interested in avoiding an interdimensional war, even promising to get the Justice League involved too and not only the Dark variant.

The moment Sam and Tucker heard about Wayne Enterprises being interested in a deal, they once again started up their discussion about whether or not Bruce Wayne was Batman's sugar daddy. Since the bat was a member of the Justice League. In a way he probably should be happy that his parents forced him to come with them, it gave him an out from his friends bickering. Don't get him wrong, he loves his friends, but if he has to listen to them argue one more time where or not Batman fucks a rich billionaire, Superman or Wonder Woman, he would be throwing them into the portal for an hour or have them deal with Technus alone.

Either way he was now helping his parents while they were discussing if they should or should not demonstrate the Fanton-Bazooka. His mom had already the Wraith Wrangler tested earlier while his dad had untangled the Fenton Ghost Fisher. The Fenton Finder was already on the table deactivated for now. Ancients, he was not looking forward to being its target, again. His parents were also already wearing the Fenton Specter Deflector which meant Danny was especially careful not to get to close to them since that thing still sapped him and the only one he had had the time to adjust and make his own ecto signature a exception in, was at home because he just forget taking it with him when his parents dragged him into the GAV.

Aside from the weaponry his parents had also brought out a bunch of their modified home appliances, like the Fenton toaster. Hopefully they wouldn't end up bringing the bread back to life during the presentation. Danny didn't think Wayne enterprise would be too thrilled about that. And the Ancients, did he hope that Bruce Wayne was not a fruitloop like Vlad.

---------

Tim sighed as he readjusted the necktie. What was Bruce thinking? Just because Constantine had contacted the Justice League about some negotiations that were going to happen with someone from another dimension known as the Ghost King, he was now stuck with trying to strike a deal with one of the only inventors that was actively publishing as well as selling research and weaponry that would work against ghosts.

Seriously that man and his contingency plans.

Just because he liked to have safety measures should negotiation with the Ghost King, who apparently can destroy entire dimensions, go wrong, didn't mean that the man could skip out on that meeting with the scientist couple and put that all instead on him. Really Tim had better things to do, like plotting a revenge plan on Jason for ratting out his coffee hiding space to Alfred. So what if he only slept like six hours in four days? He was still functioning very well.

He watched through the cams how the Fantons set up their display in the room WE had provided them. They were going to show off to a selected board and him. He eyed some of their weaponry as well as home appliances, they all had a pretty in theme green and silver design. Though he took special notice of the green glow or liquid some of them visibly contained that suspiciously looked very much like Lazarus Water. He would need to make sure to collect some samples if they didn't leave some willingly behind.

He also wondered how their son, who looked very much like an unwilling assistance, kept a certain distance from his parents after they put on some clunky looking belts. He got his answer as to why when he watched them longer. The poor kid got zapped apparently every time he got too close. Worse was that his parents apparently didn't notice or entirely dismissed it a second later if they noticed it.

The co-ceo of Wayne Enterprise narrowed his eyes at that, the detective in him screaming that something was amiss here. Sometimes the parents even carelessly reached out to touch their son, in what was probably supposed to be an affectionate gesture. The boy would flinch back slightly but they would still keep going only drawing back when the kid ended up flinching in actual pain and letting that show on his face. His parents then seemed instantly apologetic but only minutes later ended up repeating the same mistake distracted apparently by something else.

Tim took notes of this and decided that he would either look into their home life himself or ask Barbara to do it. He had a gut feeling that the kid needed some help and even if it were just a false alarm and these were actually good parents, it would be better safe than sorry. Taking a sip from his death wish coffee he readjusted the tie once more before closing his laptop.

It was time for the business meeting and he would make sure to watch their interaction and treatment of their child closely.

----------

Tim swore he was paying attention. The suspicious looks his board as well as the Fantons son were giving him just because he was typing away on his laptop while parallel listening to them as well as taking regular sips from his coffee was not him being distracted. Didn't these people ever hear about multitasking? Just because he sat in the back so no one could look into his laptop didn't mean he wasn't paying attention. For all they knew he was actively taking notes.

At these the Drs. Fenton didn't seem to mind it, they were easily distracted with just one well placed question from him. They would then go on and on about Ecto-Energy and all its uses and potential. By now the young CEO was pretty sure that this Ectoplasm had something to do with Lazarus water. Which only validated the research he was doing on the side even more.

It wasn't like he was hacking into Amity Park's network system, okay he was but it was surprisingly hard for such an in-the-middle-of-nowhere place. He only found an in into their network when he found a rather passionate online post about their local Vigilante being the Fantons son but got countered by several other users stating that they had seen the two of them at the same time several times.

That users net security wasn't the best so it was easy for Tim to find an in that way. He sent it to Barbara too, just in case she also had troubles. Really that town had an interesting firewall system that appeared to make no sense. It was also strange to see how little information was known about this place if you weren't tuned into their networks.

Like was that place a literal Bermuda triangle when it came to Information?

He looked up from his laptop just in time to see the Fantons go on about the uses of Ecto-Energy and how it can replace electricity if used correctly. Apparently their entire home didn't have to pay electricity bills in years now since they became self sufficient. They then went on showing off how to find the source of Ecto-Energy holding up something they named the Fenton-Finder. That thing beeped and then proceeded to insult them and point in the direction of their son.

Flustered they explained how because of an accident their son had their inventions tend to malfunction when he was close by. Their son very clearly grimaced when his parents shared that piece of information and Tim made sure to note that down too another point on the possible bad parenting list for the Fentons.

His attention turned back to his information gathering. That town's news looked like they got run over by 'ghosts' every two days. Additionally the entire town was not the least bit thankful to their vigilante Phantom, considering he found the same amount off news praising as well as bad mouthing their local hero.

So what if there was some property damage? At least they were somewhat saved form whatever these 'ghosts' were doing. He saved all the news clips he found regarding all the attacks this town appeared to have suffered into a separated folder. There had to be a reason why the Justice League hadn't taken any form of action yet. It couldn't be that one summoning going wrong in the JL Dark and making contact with a Ghost King was what it needed for them to step in, let alone notice the shit that went on in Amity.

Hell if nothing changed he would attempt to get Phantom to join Young Justice or his group specifically. The vigilante looked like a kid maybe a little younger than him, wait hold on. Tim pulled up the least blurry picture of the vigilante he could find and looked up from his screen just in time to see the Fanton's son back away from his mom hiding his arm behind him.

Did he get zapped again? Dear God, aren't his parents paying attention to the kid at all? He added another point to the bad parents tally.

Okay wait, save that for later, focus on the task at hand, Tim scowled himself mentally. Taking a good look at the teenager before looking back at his laptop screen, the young Co-CEO nodded to himself. Yup, maybe that post that got him into their towns network wasn't that far off. If you change the colors then the Fanton kid looked very much like Phantom minus the pointy ears and sharp teeth. Additionally now that he put them next to each other in his mind. The name Phantom sounded awfully a lot like Fanton.

What did the Fantons say their son's name was? D- d- Danny, Daniel? Good the kid needed a teaching in how to better hide secret identity connections. Wearing a pretty but telling logo on your outfit was a dead giveaway. The kid was probably some sort of Meta and if he had to guess he was the accident that his parents had offhandedly mentioned. Even more reason to have Barbara look into them more.

For now he was somewhat satisfied with his findings as he closed his laptop and gave the Fentons his full attention. He did not miss Danny (was it?) looking down at his phone for a second and then narrowing his eyes at him. He did his best to suppress the forming grin. Really the kid was very intriguing, if his suspicions were right, they rarely weren't unless Barbara had found something else, and the kid was somewhat impulsive then he would probably get a little visit from Phantom later. After all he had made sure to leave some traces behind to arrange this.

------------

When Tucker contacted him that there were two people outside of Amity looking into Phantom, he was not amused especially when Tucker also stated that only one of them could be traced back to Wayne Enterprise.

Really what he was doing was probably dumb and he could hear his sisters scowling in his head. But when they were back at the hotel and he excused himself for the night and asking Jazz to cover for him should anything go wrong he changed forms and flew invisible all the way back to the Wayne tower.

It took some searching but soon enough he found the room of the young Co-CEO that had to be the one that looked into Amity and his family. Finding the office empty, Danny frowned before looking around. He couldn't find anything suspicious, it was just a normal office. Crossing his arms while floating to the middle of the room Danny tried to think about it more.

"Not finding what you are looking for Phantom?"

His head snapped to the side as he turned around ready for a fight. Instead Danny came face to face with Red Robin. Great he definitely did not want the attention of their local Bat-Clan. Wasn't it enough that his home town couldn't decide if he was a menace or not? He didn't need Gotham trying to decide too. Considering how Batman apparently disliking Metas it already wasn't looking good for him. It was already bad enough that the Justice League had finally gotten wind of Amity.

"Look I am not here to cause trouble, I just…"

"You're just looking into why someone in Wayne Enterprises would look into you or your identity and you suspected the young CEO Tim Drake-Wayne because he spent the majority of the business meeting with your parents on his laptop?"

"How do you…?"

"I have my sources."

Danny eyed the vigilante; this was not what he expected. Wait, did he say his parents? His eyes widened and he heard the other chuckle. "Yea you make it pretty easy on how to discover your identity, kid. Might wanna take that post down discussing your identity. That's dangerous even if seemingly no one believes it. If people pay close attention it's easy to figure out."

Danny narrowed his eyes. Okay fuck, so some outsider had figured out his identity and that one happened to be connected to Batman who hated Metas… Dear Acients he was fucked.

"If you are planning to arrest me and give me over to the GIW, I will not hesitate…"

"Arresting you? No, why would I do that? This is more interesting. Though I admit the Fentons research is pretty biased, you're a good guy no matter how torn your hometown is on that matter. Besides, the JL is already looking into these 'Guys in White' the Ghost King has informed us about." Red Robin shrugged but Danny did not let his guard down. "I was honestly thinking about black mailing you to join the Young Justice League and then work with you together or train you to find out more about this Ectoplasm. I have my suspicions that it has something to do with Lazarus Water and who better to get to help than the kid that lived with scientists researching and had a lap accident that gave him powers that he is also actively hiding from his parents. I saw the video footage of you getting zapped by their inventions."

Danny flinched at the last part, phantom pains running through his arm that had touched the button but he forced himself to stay calm. "You are blackmailing me?"

"I would call it forceful recruitment for help with a case." The vigilante shrugged. "But essentially yes."

"What if I refuse?"

"I will relate the information to batman including your home situation and depending on what we find I will have a new brother in about one to two."

"Months?"

"Weeks. It all depends on your parents though. Are you even safe with them? I heard them talking about tearing you apart molecule by molecule."

"I am fine! They are good parents, really!"

Acients his panic was slowly setting in. What was happening? First Red Robin revealed that he had discovered his identity, then he was getting blackmailed, then told to help in a case about something called Lazarus Water and now his parents are under suspicion, of what?

Red Robin only hummed. "Hey Oracle, you heard the kid right? Only Static? No matter, please look into Daniel Fentons home life and potential therapy. Yeah I will be mailing B the rest of the entire report."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Getting a new brother." After a short moment of Danny staring at the other vigilante they added "...and sister."

What in the name of Ancients was happening?!

[nekoannie-chan]

Thoughts

Character: Brock Rumlow.

Word count: 148 words.

Rating: Teen.

Summary: Brock’s feelings about STRIKE.

Major Tags: Having a feeling.

Additional tags: This is my entry to @catws-anniversary CA: TWS 10th Anniversary Event with the prompt:

"STRIKE."

@saiyanprincessswanieie

My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistakes, please let me know and I will correct them.

I don’t give any kind of permission for my fics to be posted on other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don't steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other people. The only exception is the ones I gifted 'cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and are not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Marvel's characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

Add yourself to my taglist here.

My other media where I publish:  Ao3, Wattpad, ffnet, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter. 

If you like it, please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog.

Tags: @sinceimetyou @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad @navybrat817 @angrythingstarlight @shield-agent78 @charmed-asylum @pandaxnienke @real-fbi @smokeandnailz @white-wolf1940 @tenaciousperfectionunknown @xoxonotme @bluemusickid @leyannrae @harrysthiccthighss @marvelatthisone @caplanbuckybarnes @sapphire-rogers @lizzieolseniskinda @notyourtypicalrose @hallecarey1 @nana1000night @talia-rumlow @writingshae @alexxavicry @azulatodoryuga @daemonslittlebitch @chaoticcollectivenightmare @endlesstwanted @chemtrails-club  @marigoldreamer @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @here4thefanfics @theestorm @patzammit @kmc1989 @somegirlfromasgard @rogersbarber

Brock arrived early at the gym that day, he had a feeling and he couldn't get a certain thought out of his head either: what did STRIKE mean to him?

The truth was that somehow he saw that his dreams had come true, until that moment everything HYDRA had promised him, he had fulfilled.

For a moment after training was over, he thought his hunch had been wrong, maybe he should go home and have a big glass of wine and relax when a message came in, a new mission, that would probably take all night.

"Did they call in any other teams? "Brock asked as soon as he saw Jack.

"No, they didn’t. "

Brock smiled; he loved it when they only thought of STRIKE for missions.

And of course, he would be even more excited about what was coming up even though he didn't know it yet.

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

Hi again.😊 I've run into something... odd? when trying to figure out how to fit all twelve years of Devil's Minion into the show timeline. I'd really like your input.

So I'm trying to make sense of Daniel's "kids-and-marriage" timeline. Alice being his first wife and the car seat thing muddies it up for me.

According to gaypiratedivorce's Chronological timeline on Ao3, (found it through your bookmarks, so thank you❤), car seats became mandatory in America in 1986. The excerpt that Louis reads aloud from Daniel's memoir states: "I am in my Buick, staring in the rearview mirror at my daughter in the car seat, (...). My editor reminds me, it's seven years before car seats are mandatory. My ex-wife reminds me, I never owned a Buick." This means his first daughter was born before 1979. Based on Daniel's comment in 01x06, he was 20 years old in 1973, so he must have been a father by the age of 26.

We don't know whether the ex-wife referenced here is Alice or his unnamed second wife, but we do know that one of them must have been around already to remember what cars he owned (and didn't) at this time.

We also aren't given any indication if he was in any relationship with the mother of his eldest child at this time, or ever.

In 02x02 we learn that Alice told Daniel she was pregnant in 1985. From my understanding this was immediately after she had turned down his marriage proposal, so he and Alice are not married at this point. We are told that Alice was his first wife, so the second marriage happens sometime after this.

This makes the minimum age difference between Daniel's two daughters 6 years. His daughters don't appear to have the same mother, since when talking about Alice telling him she was pregnant in 1985, there was no indication that this would be their second child.

By June 2022, when the second interview takes place, he's twice divorced, with two daughters. His oldest daughter would have to be at least 43 years old when he goes to Dubai, and his youngest would be 37-38.

From 1979 to 1985 the only information we have about Daniel is: 1) he was working, (02x05: "I was never so messed up I couldn't hold down a job"); 2) he is not married; 3) timing of irl. law that might not be the one used in the show indicates that he already has a child, but we know nothing about them or their upbringing. Seems unlikely that he was a single father, but we know nothing about the mother.

Thoughts?

Ok, so I have thoughts on this.

Like, first off, I think Armand was full of shit when he said Louis asked him to make him forget what happened in San Francisco. He said Louis asked three days later, after getting out of the shower. And there is no way he was healed up enough to take a shower in three days, even if he was slurping up Armand's blood often. he was only a vampire for 62 years. less than a century. the sun would burn the shit out of him. I think Louis had to do that thing vampires do in the book, and take a power nap for a few years.

Cue Armand being all alone. And he hates that. Plus, he still has to find out what makes Daniel fascinating. He literally said to Daniel in 2x05 'teach me how to be fascinating'. like that may not be the exact wording, but you know what i mean. so he starts to stalk daniel.

daniel, of course, does not remember him bc Armand literally mind-wiped him. all Daniel has is vague memories about being bitten. so maybe Armand goes on his whole 'i won't kill you as long as i find you interesting' bit. or maybe he says something else entirely different or nothing at all. until eventually they start to talk, and debate, and fight, and fall in love.

i think the chase timeline from the books was shortened, and Daniel and Armand were probably in a relationship by like, somewhere in the back half of 74 or the first half of 75. And I think it probably went from zero to sixty pretty fast.

based on what we know so far, we have no info on Daniel publishing anything from 1974-1978. So I think Daniel and Armand could have had a relationship those four years.

then something happens, and they break-up for awhile. (daniel had this thing about leaving then coming back in the books) so maybe during that time he meets Alice. Maybe even gets genuine feelings for her. And then he gets her pregnant sometime in 78, bc the kid is born by 79.

Daniel remembers a car seat. And while car seats weren't required, General Motors did make one in 1969. Here is a picture of what one looked like in 1977:

And most people didn't really start using them to around the late 70s, when different states started making laws. So Daniel could have a car seat in his car in 79. Likely Alice's idea, not his, since he is literally buying drugs from some guy with his daughter in the car with him. Not dad of the year material.

Here's what I think, at some point Daniel's relationships with Alice and Armand overlapped. He remembers being in a Buick with his daughter in the back seat bc he was with Armand in a Buick at some point. Probably not with his daughter, but it could be possible. (There could be some scenario where he's taking care of the baby alone and Armand shows up and they go on a wacky adventure together. But that scenario probably only exists in my imagination.)

I don't believe Louis was aware of their relationship, bc he showed no real signs of remembering something like that. That means that Armand either hid it from him, or made him forget it. Maybe Louis was asleep through the whole thing, and Armand never told him about it.

Or maybe Louis did wake up. And his waking up put pressure on Armand and Daniel's relationship. Bc Armand would have to divide his time between them. Daniel isn't stupid, he probably figures out there's someone else. And maybe he demands that Armand make a choice. And Armand chooses Louis. But he wants to choose Daniel, only Daniel hasn't given him reason to trust him. Like, Daniel having a kid with someone else may have been enough to end the relationship.

I think the relationship with Alice comes after they break-up some time in 78. In the books, when Daniel becomes a vampire, he's 32 and has left Armand for six months. (It's also 1985 there, but roll with it) The longest he ever had. Some maybe he leaves Armand for an extended amount of time. It doesn't have to be six months, but it's probably at least two or three. And during that time he could have met Alice, been having his rebound fling with her. Then she gets knocked up. So you know, he sticks around for the kid. Kinda sorta. Bc he's still seeing Armand. I think that he would have to know about Louis, to bother starting a relationship with someone else. Bc the book says that him leaving is a thing that happens more than once. So maybe the first time he leaves is bc he finds out about Louis, and he meets Alice and knocks her up. Who knows? I think it's been left vague on purpose so they can tweak things as they need to. Or maybe he just takes up with Alice after leaving Armand 'for good'

I'm not entirely clear on the timeline. But I do believe something happened between Armand and Daniel sometime 1974-1978/79. At that point they either break up and Armand erases his memories.

Or their relationship shifts into an affair on both their ends. Like that line about them being secret lovers from the book is taken literally. Daniel has Alice and Armand has Louis. But they can't quit each other, and keep seeing each other secretly. Daniel proposes to Alice in 85 and she says no. Probably bc Daniel was a shitty boyfriend. As one tends to be when they are in love with someone else.

But he likely does propose bc she's pregnant. After he's 'gotten his shit together' I can imagine his not marrying Alice after getting her pregnant the first time is something that could have caused resentment from Alice. Maybe she implied she wanted Daniel to propose before this. Maybe she didn't trust him bc she suspected he was cheating. But I do think that Daniel didn't propose until after he lost his memories of Armand.

So like, somewhere between 78-85 Daniel and Armand break up for the final time. But exactly when I'm not sure.

But I am 100% sure that Armand is going to fuck that old man. They are going to get together. And I will feel that comes from seeing something I've shipped over two decades kiss on screen. Or like, bite each other.

[kuwdora]

friday!!!!!! it's friday. a cause for celebration to make it to the end of the week. Getting bad news during the week was exhausting. But it's friday. in which I get predictable but stupid fucking news about my dental insurance not covering shit. An exhausted friday. A friday of many things I would love to work on but will probably only complete a few things because of exhaustion. very annoying. hoping i can squish the brain together to do some fun things this weekend. Brain is like a roulette wheel of projects that make me happy right now.

For a second I couldn't remember if I had finished posting my recent yennskier fic to ao3 but then I remembered I had gotten comments on that this week so that just tells you the state of my short term memory right now.

Just gotta keep rebooting the brain and move forward. Maybe I will try to watch new Doctor Who or Interview with the Vampire tonight. And Hacks. Or Star Trek Discovery (loving this new season). If I remember. So much TV I like right now with new eps, love it. Also still have a few acrylic art exercises I keep meaning to get back to now that I've cleared my art table. I also have some art posts I want to try and make around these tumblry parts. And share an old fanvid I haven't published before. But we'll see how I manage to get some other things done first.

[stellarspecter]

20 questions for writers

i was tagged by @devondespresso and @spicysix! thanks guys!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

68! oh shit my next fic is my 69th i gotta finish that smut fic STAT

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

191,966. crazy

3. What fandoms do you write for?

most recently, stranger things, but i've also written a lot for julie and the phantoms and be more chill. and then various other oneshots for random stuff

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Befriend the Bully - Nerdy Prudes Must Die, 868 kudos (and 3rd most kudos'ed fic in the hatchetfield fandom???)

Saint Frost - Rise of the Guardians, 593 kudos

Me Too - Percy Jackson & the Olympians, 392 kudos

Hopefully - Be More Chill, 286 kudos

All This Feeling Second Best, It's Got Me by the Throat - Julie and the Phantoms, 249 kudos

most of those are pretty old so it makes sense that they've had the time to accumulate kudos, but that means they were also written when i was in high school so it's kind of like 😬

5. Do you respond to comments?

i used to more, now i don't really unless they said something that i specifically want to comment on. i just kind of forget or don't have anything to say lmao

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably my troped round 1 fic, you look like you've just seen a monster (is that what i look like to you?). usually i like to have a happy ending but i wrote this in like two days the week of my first breakup. so uh yeah couldn't really think of happy ending for that one.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

pretty much anything else lmao. i love to write fluff and cuddles and shit like that so just go read any other of my fics

8. Do you get hate on fics?

the only hate on fics i can remember ever getting was back in my bmc days when i wrote meremine and someone was mad bc michael is gay and didn't like that i put him in a throuple with a woman. but like other than that clown behavior no not really lmao

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i have one (1) smut fic published and it is on a different account because i was so scared of jatp fandom being mean lmao. luckily i only got nice comments on it so i will share that you can go read it here. i mean it was probably kind of obvious that it was me because there are only so many ppl into that rarepair? but idk jatp mutuals lmk who you thought it was lsdfksjf

i have been trying to write steddie smut recently, i have a wip that i'm working on that i will hopefully finish soon. if anyone would like to beta that lmk lol 👀 it is pretty kinky i will say lol but like. that's steddie for ya

10. Do you write crossovers?

not really. i'm more likely to just make an au of something for whichever fandom i'm currently obsessed with

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i don't think so? ppl would be welcome to do so tho

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no. co-brainstormed and went crazy in the dms about it tho? oh yeah

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

evidence shows it to be steddie, at least for now. i'm a big multishipper so a better question would more be "what do i find myself most often in the mood for?" and the answer would still be steddie sldkfjs

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

vampire chrissy fic i want to do right by you i fear i may not.... i signed it up for the wip big bang tho so hopefully i do actually get it done

16. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue! i love writing dialogue. screenwriting is awesome because it's just dialogue.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

hrmm action scenes. repetitive prose. actually sitting down and plotting something cohesively

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

nothing against it but i'm only fluent in english so i'd consult someone else who actually speaks that language

19. First fandom you wrote for?

doctor who in middle school :) i wrote my fics in my little writing notebook and some of them are even on ao3 lol

20. Favorite fic you've written?

like i said earlier with the favorite ship question, this is tough to answer because i feel like it comes down to more what am i in the mood for most often. i'm pretty proud of my trans steve fic as well as aro bi reggie, both of them because i spent a long time trying to make sure i doing the representation right and i think i did a good job. also that sad bobby polycurve fic from the kudos question, i put a lot of myself in it and i feel very proud of how it came out.

no-pressure tagging: @wr0temyway0ut @zazujoy @sunsetcurvecuddles @chickwiththepurpleguitar @weneedglitter

@queenofthequillandink @jughead-is-canonically-aroace @innytoes @floating-in-the-blue @invisibleraven

and anyone else who wants to do it!

[thefrogdalorian]

It's New Year's Eve and I just wanted to share some mushy thoughts about life and Mando and Din and how this year has been overall for me!!

If you don't want to read below the cut I just wanted to wish you a Happy New Year!! I hope you have a wonderful time, whatever you do to celebrate. I'm currently on a trip so I may not be terribly active, but if you're struggling and the emotions of the day are a little too much, please do message me. I've been there plenty of times. You're not alone. NYE should really be about looking to the future rather than dwelling on the past, but I know how easy it is to get caught up in that depressive loop of thinking.

But if you do want to keep reading, then strap in for some Oversharing Online and gushing about how much Mando means to me:

I first started watching Mando during the pandemic in 2020, I think the first episode released like 2 days after the UK went into lockdown or something. 2020 was an awful year for me, as I'm sure it was for so many of you. A lot of things happened to me that I'm still trying to process but I hope to start therapy in the new year and go some way to addressing it.

Anyway, The Mandalorian came to me at a time I dearly needed it. It was welcome relief from The Horrors I was experiencing. I was hooked pretty much straight away, who was this mysterious man? What were his intentions? Was he good or bad? OH WOW THAT WALK. THAT VOICE!!! I loved it, but it wasn't until The Believer that everything changed for me. It went from enjoyment to full-blown obsession. I couldn't wait until Season 3 aired, and I think the expectations I had built up in my head could never have lived up to the reality of what I felt upon watching it for the first time. I was pretty disappointed most weeks, but I feel so differently now.

This year has been pretty strange for me. I had some amazing highs (like being able to go to Star Wars Celebration where I got to see so many amazing Din and Mandalorian cosplays which was an INSANE experience and I still kind of haven't properly processed yet??) and also some difficult lows.

In June I finally got my autism diagnosis, something I'd been essentially waiting for for EIGHT YEARS. It was a huge shock but also not shocking at all. As in, I knew I was autistic since being a teenager but I was absolutely not expecting to be told right there and then at my assessment. So when the psychologist looked me in the eye and told me that I was autistic it was somewhat of a gut punch. Processing it was extremely difficult but during that time I found myself drawn back to Mando and particularly to season 3. I rewatched it again and again fell in love with a season that I'd probably felt on the whole underwhelmed with at the time, until the last two episodes, which I loved instantly.

When rewatching it, I noticed things that I'd missed before, which led me to become kind of obsessed with the idea of Din and Bo together. I know not everyone enjoys that but that truly is what I love about media, that we can all watch a similar thing and interpret it differently! I don't think I'm any more correct about the way I view certain interactions than anyone else. Shipping should just be a little fun, not ruin your mental health or dictate how you treat strangers on the internet. And it especially should not lead to any real world harassment of creators and actors.

So in September an idea formed and between then and November a 182,000 word fic landed in my lap. That's the best way I can describe writing it for me, I was so fixated on finishing it and the plot just kept coming the more I wrote. It is by FAR the longest thing I've ever written and probably ever will write, but the routine of writing it and publishing it helped claw me out of a spiral I was in after my diagnosis.

And it was publishing it on AO3 that gave me the confidence to rejoin a fandom space again. It was a big step for me to put myself out there but I'm so glad that I did because that's what led me here, to discover this wonderful community who adore Din and The Mandalorian just as much as I do. I'm so happy that I finally found my way here. It was way less intimidating than I ever thought it would be!

I know that I haven't been here for the longest time, I wish I just got over my nervousness and made a tumblr earlier in the year so I could have joined in with the hype before season 3. But also considering how poorly received the season was overall, maybe it was for the best that I wasn't here.

Despite my relative newness here, I just wanted to say how welcomed I've felt and that is a truly lovely feeling. Thank you so much to everyone who has interacted with any of my posts and especially my writing in any way, big or small. It means a lot to me! I cannot wait to be around for all the buildup to Season 4, honestly. I know it seems so far but after midnight we can say it's (probably) only NEXT YEAR!

I have no idea what 2024 has in store for me. That doesn't scare me, in fact I'm quite excited about not knowing what will happen. I

Of course, I have some goals I'd like to achieve for myself but whatever happens, I know that Mando will be there to endlessly rewatch and whatever comes my way, I'll always have Din Djarin. He's the only man to ever exist! That gorgeous tin can who instantly soothes me every time I get to watch his silly little exploits with his silly little son. Where would we be without him, eh?

Anyway, whatever you're doing tonight to celebrate and even if you aren't, I wish you all the best. Stay safe, enjoy yourself and I'm sending you lots of love and light for the year. May 2024 be a healthy, happy prosperous year for you and your loved ones.

See you in 2024!

Love,

Spud 🥔🐸

[ofliterarynature]

JUNE 2023 WRAP UP

loved liked okay no thanks (reread) bookclub*

An Unsuitable Heir | The Winter of the Witch | An Unnatural Vice | Bloom* | An Unseen Attraction | Masters in this Hall | (The Mislaid Magician) | Gilded Cage | The Age of Innocence | (The Grand Tour) | Any Old Diamonds | The Rat-Catcher’s Daughter | (Sorcery & Cecelia) | (The Goblin Emperor) | A Gentleman’s Position | The Duchess of Bloomsbury Street | Dust and Shadow | A Seditious Affair | A Fashionable Indulgence | Subtle Blood | Proper English | Range

Let’s just say I was feeling a bit unhinged this month…

I don't know what was up with my brain this month (it was stress, probably. ugh.), but it was comfort-reads-only central. Which spun out of control a little with the KJ Charles, but we'll get to that.

Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World started things off with a great non-fic pick. It spoke so deeply to me that it made me very angry at the world while also being very comforting. Would highly recommend.

Dust and Shadow is Sherlock Holmes solves Jack the Ripper, but hewing much closer to canon than say, that other one I fell in love with last year (The Angel of the Crows). I couldn't help comparing the two, and while it was interesting seeing each author's interpretations of the Ripper case, this one did not come out on top for me.

The Duchess of Bloomsbury Street is a sort-of sequel memoir to the author's collection of letters published as 84 Charing Cross Road that I read last month and loved. A little different but still a delight, and I've got another one of her related memoirs waiting for me on my desk right now.

The Goblin Emperor... what can I say, my brain needed comfort, I caught up on the AO3 tag, and thought why not. It was amazing to go back and see all the little bits of Maia I'd forgotten.

Sorcery & Cecelia I picked up partially as a consequence of my KJ Charles/historical romance rampage that fully put me off of the other audiobooks I already had checked out. I've been meaning to reread them for a while (it's probably been a decade) because I wanted to explore my mixed memories of the two sequels. And I don't blame younger me! The original book is a delight sort of in the vein of Diana Wynne Jones and The Enchanted Forest Chronicles, with adventures and almost a comedy of manners element to it. The much later sequels lose a lot of the whimsy and brightness, are much more serious and adult, and are much more explicitly mystery novels. Now I love a mystery novel, and I think if you distance them from the original book they're not too bad! The Grand Tour is the worst, I think, both because of the unexpected shift in style and because I don't think the epistolary format they chose works well (I really would have loved to see some letters they wrote to other people, imo, rather than diary entries). The Mislaid Magician brings things back around much closer to the original novel's format both literally and narratively, if not in style, and I liked it a great deal.

This next one goes out to Lauren, who will probably never read this but - I finally read The Age of Innocence! Not the copy you gave me, but I did it. It wasn't quite to my taste, but it absolutely fits with what I know of your other favorite things. Sorry this was like 8 years too late.

Bloom I've had on my shelf for years and it's totally my doing that we read it for book club - it was a nice read, I love the art style, but ultimately it was a bit forgettable. Maybe if it'd focused on resolving the non-romantic conflicts as well, idk.

It took me MUCH longer to get to Winter of the Witch than I had planned, but I did! It felt a little clunky trying to get all the ends tied up, but overall I liked it, I was very glad to get away from the politics of the second book. This was such a well written series, I definitely recommend it, but it also made me feel angry and anxious enough while reading it that I can't see myself ever revisting it. (I'll definitely keep an eye out for more of the author's work though).

AND NOW FOR THE KJ CHARLES!!!

I started off the month finishing up the Will Darling/English books, which, do not follow my example, you should absolutely read in chronological order (and pay attention to character names!). These were not books I fell immediately in love with, but exposure and persistence, not to mention some great side characters, won me over. I also cannot BELIEVE that KJ waited until the very very end to introduce the "proteges" concept, and it's the best thing I've ever heard I am emotionally devastated (and cackling, lmao).

I've mentioned elsewhere my accidental discovery (too late) that the next 3 series were related, but I did manage at least to start with the correct one. Society of Gentlemen was...okay. The first one might actually be the worst KJ Charles I've read so far, but the other two were definitely better, if not exactly to my taste. I like the mystery/action/adventure plots more, I suppose, rather than...politics? I think? and respectability is boring anyways.

I managed to accidentally skip over Sins of the Cities directly into the Lilywhite Boys, which is a pity, because they're much more closely related to each other than Society (which honestly you don't need to read beforehand). Even without the more detailed background from Sins, I LOVED the Lilywhite novels and novellas. Thieves and shady characters who are extremely competent, excellent lovers, a little violent, and with their own moral codes are catnip for me, I could not have resisted.

I then went back to Sins of the Cities, which were also good! The leads in the first book were sweet but a little bland, the love/hate thing going on the second book was fantastic, and I loved that the third book had a genderqueer/nb lead. I appreciated getting all the background to events hinted at in the Lilywhite books, but I also admit I spent less time focused on the murders and more on "ok but HOW does X become the Earl???????" I had so many theories lol, none of them right. I just wonder if these would have hit a little harder if I'd read them first.

As I write this in July, I'm still working my way through the rest of KJ's catalogue but I think the worst of my brain fever is over, and I'm hoping to soon have the mental capacity to read the new Victoria Goddard I've been ignoring for a couple of months. Wish me luck, and happy reading!

[baejax-the-great]

We've all had the thought: Oh god, what if my writing is terrible?

Right after posting on AO3, or an hour without a kudos, or a day without a comment, or not a single reblog on tumblr--it's the logical thing to think. "It was terrible, and that's why nobody has reblogged it. Nobody liked it."

And then we take it to the next step. "I wrote something terrible, therefore I am a bad writer. My writing is bad."

And just because the feelings have a logical progression, that doesn't make them true. There are lots of reasons why a fic gets ignored or lost in the shuffle, there are lots of variables that determine popularity and quality is only one of many, but the question I find helps me the most to deal with these feelings is,

What if I'm right?

What if I am a terrible writer? What if the fic I just posted is so goddam awful that not even my friends can think of a nice thing to say about it?

Then what?

Seriously, then what? If I accept that I am a terrible writer, what does that mean for me?

Do I have to quit? Well, no, because sucking at something is a prerequisite to being good at something. If I want to get better, the only option is to keep going. I can see this for myself-- my more recent stories are better than my first stories.

Do I have to pull all my writing down from tumblr and AO3 and wherever else? Well, I can, but there's plenty of bad writing everywhere all the time, even paid, published writing, so no, I don't have to.

Will all my friends lose respect for me because of how terrible my writing is? Idk, probably not. I once made a lasagna with cinnamon in it and my friends still came over for dinner the next time so I think there's a fair amount of tolerance there for me being shitty at things.

Will random strangers see my bad writing and judge me for it? Yes and no. I've seen plenty of bad writing that made me roll my eyes. I couldn't tell you a single username attached to that writing, because I was too busy scrolling for the next thing. Who am I to them? No one. Who are they to me? No one.

I like writing. I enjoy the process. I enjoy yelling with my friends on tumblr and discord about the ideas I have. I enjoy putting words down and rearranging them and finding better words. I enjoy daydreaming scenarios and then figuring out how to translate that on the page. I enjoy feeling like I got a character voice just right or figuring out the punchline to my setup.

Does being bad at all of that negate my enjoyment?

I mean maybe. If the badness I feel is as strong and lasts as long as the enjoyment I got, then it's a wash, right? Writing brought me as much strife as it brought me enjoyment. But, for me at least, this is not how the math works out. The enjoyment far outweighs those shitty moments thinking, "Oh, well this one bombed, guess I better never write again."

If I accept that I am a bad writer and I ask myself all these questions and try to answer as honestly as possible, where does that leave me? As someone with a hobby that I'm not always the best at who sometimes writes things that nobody cares about. Is that the worst place to be? Is that worth ruining my own day over?

This is the thought process that helps me when I start getting obsessive and negative about my work. Often we end at "I'm terrible," and dwell there for a while in that negative space. My suggestion is to keep going. "I'm terrible, and that means...?"

[yukiwhitetm]

Hey! Thank you so much for reading my NDRV3 fanstory You will always be Monarch Butterfly! I appreciate you doing that and I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks to the 2nd Anon for bookmarking it even. Your support means the world to me.

Sorry that it's taken me so long to answer these asks, I've had a lot going on in the background as, since October 2022 all through 2023, three of my friends have passed away and so I've been dealing with a lot of grief. Because of that, I didn't have the mental energy to answer you guys. I'm so sorry about that and yet I appreciate your patience. I have actually already answered your questions in a previous post so you may know the answer to this by now but I thought I should respond to you directly, just in case.

OK! So, what happened to my NDRV3 fanstory You will always be Monarch Butterfly!?

Well, technically speaking, it's still there on AO3. I should have deleted it - and I will explain why in a moment - but I couldn't bear to lose all your wonderful comments. I did this nifty thing where you can add a story to a group - and then make it invisible! Or hidden or unreleased, I can't remember the exact wording. But, basically, it's still on AO3, although it shouldn't be, but only I can see it. The easiest way to word it is that I have archived it.

Why did I archive it?

Well, as you mentioned, I said I would lock it to AO3 members only because of AI stealing AO3 authors' content and I did do that... initially. You see, the truth is that I love You will always be Monarch Butterfly! It's such a fun story and I don't want it to be lost or stolen. More than that, I and my real life friends and family could see the potential in You will always be Monarch Butterfly! to be adapted into an original story, since so much of it was my original ideas anyway, that I might publish as a real, physical book - with pages! That smell nice! And has a beautiful cover! Wouldn't that be fun?

I had thought about the possibility of adapting it into an original story for a long time and then the AI stealing thing happened, which just spurred me into action. I locked You will always be Monarch Butterfly! to members only but then I was worried that wasn't safe enough. What if an AI could still steal it? So, then I archived it.

(Six months later, AO3 was taken down by hackers so I was right to worry.)

But not all hope is lost!

(As Makoto would say.) Actually, I have already started to rewrite You will always be Monarch Butterfly! into an original story. I had finished seven chapters by halfway through 2023 before my grief caused me to fully stagnate. Recently, I started on chapter 8!

There will still be a lot of You will always be Monarch Butterfly! in the original story and, if you have read the fanstory, you will recognise that in the original story because I love YwabMB and I don't want to just scrap all of it. Yes, it was a fanstory and I'm adapting it into an original story but lots and lots of ideas in that were mine anyway, and some things are too plot relevant (e.g. our protag is still a leader but like in YwabMB not like NDRV3, his romantic interest is still a detective but he goes by private investigator instead and his best friend still plays the piano but so do lots of people (even me! I play the keyboard so that's close enough)... others' talents are different or they as a character might not exist anymore) or I can probably get away with being very similar ("It's a lie!" remains, as I couldn't think of something else just as a short and punchy, but "You're alone and you always will be!" has changed to something else equally cutting).

Yes, I kept talents. I thought that they are fun and a school for the gifted is not such an unusual thing. They're just not 'Ultimates' or 'Super High School Level'. They're just talented kids.

So, many of the things you and I love are similar but some things have changed too. The biggest thing I changed is that I made the story more racially diverse because now I can. So, don't be surprised that not all our main characters are 100% Japanese anymore. I don't know whether our heroic MC being Norwegian or our piano playing MC being Black Japanese or her boyfriend being Hispanic Japanese with dual Aus-Jap nationality is the biggest change! (I also have a minor recurring character in an electric wheelchair.)

Our protagonist and a few other MCs are still Japanese, though. This is because I found a lot of comfort in Japanese media growing up so I have a lot of love for fictional Japan. That's also why I kept the location the same as in the fanstory - I mean, I chose for You will always be Monarch Butterfly! to be set in Tokyo anyway!

The original story is called Truth, Lies and Butterflies and I hope you will have as much fun - or even more! - reading it as you did its fanstory version.

I hope you'll support me in this. I admit, between life stuff and my disability, it may take awhile for me to finish it. But I promise I will keep working on Truth, Lies and Butterflies until it's complete! So, every bit of support will be greatly appreciated!

[catty-words]

finally back home from my family's and ready to put last year to rest with the

2023 fic writing roundup

Total 2023 Word Count: 95,451 published words, but 116,360 words written for the year   Total 2023 Hits: 25,513 Other 2023 AO3 Stats: Kudos: 1,272; Comment threads: 198; Bookmarks: 252; Subscriptions: 158.

Total 2022 Word Count: 36,969 published words, but 132,549 words logged for the year Total 2022 Hits: 17,797 Other 2022 AO3 Stats: Kudos: 1,910; Comment threads: 111; Bookmarks: 259; Subscriptions: 20.

links and titles to 2023 works

[cw's nancy drew] couldn't help noticing the gold mines glistening in your skin (3,966 words) - a birthday gift for bethany! what if nancy and ace hooked up pre-canon?

[never have i ever] one more last try (4,323 words) - for the girlies* who were/are incensed that the nhie writers had the audacity to make bad benvi sex canon and then UNINTERESTING. *it's me, i'm girlies

[cw's nancy drew] first contact (849 words) - nancy and ace texting can be poetry if you hold my hand and just believe!

[never have i ever] answering machines & how your voice says it’s gonna get back to me someday (3,163 words) - devi and ben's relationship through their first year at university as told by the voicemails they leave each other

[never have i ever] a lie away from getting you into the mood (77,482 words) - i mean. how could i possibly sum this one up? d/b FWB, sure, but also so much more than that. bitty spark 'verse pt 2.

[never have i ever] to nestle deep into the safe-keeping (3,440 words) - in a now time-honored tradition, i wrote rose some smut for her birthday! d/b being soft and in love their first year of university.

[cw's nancy drew] it’ll hurt like a mother when your foot comes out (2,228 words) - drew crew hike to commemorate a real life hike! fun!

Favorite Fic: 'gold mines' is a strong contender, but. you know it's 'lie away'. how could it be anything else? i spent a year and a half writing it and i finished the fuck out of it despite the tornado that stirred up my personal life this year. i don't know that i've ever been prouder of a fic. almost certainly not.

Hardest Fic: also 'a lie away'. the amount of material that i wrote and then scrapped because it wasn't right was A Lot.

Do You Plan to Take Prompts in 2024? haven't done a prompt game in a while! think it might be time to pull out that song lyric one, i've been gifted some exceptional music that way.

that said, though, when i do have all day to sit down and write, i've found myself more interested in chipping away at something longer-form. then again, it's been a while since i exercised the prompt-filling muscle in my writer brain, and i don't want that muscle to lose definition entirely. we'll see, i suppose.

What was the best thing about 2023? I FUCKING FINISHED 'A LIE AWAY' I DID IT I DID IT I DID IT

What was the worst thing about 2022? woof. i sure did split from my partner of a decade. which has actually been incredibly good for me, but living through it was a bit fucky, as you can imagine.

which makes this a great time to nod at 'answering machines' for being perfect creative fun and getting me out of my head during the worst of the breakup. looking at the title alone can make my brain stutter, though, it's a time capsule from such a tumultuous period in my life. probably doesn't help that i used a song from my unofficial breakup album to title the fic. i love you, 'answering machines'. i cannot fathom rereading you at this time.

Any last thoughts for 2023? i am content. the year was good to me, all things considered.

Goals for 2024

fuck around with devi the vampire slayer

original fiction???

fall head over heels for another show

continue writing devi/ben even if the audience for it dissipates entirely

[alvfr]

can i ask how long have you been writing? it blows my mind how good it is. you are very gifted and we’re all so lucky to get to read your works for free and i really hope you publish something big one day

also do you have any tips for new writers? i’ve been writing intermittently for some time but i still find it so hard not to compare myself and get bummed out or discouraged when there’s writing like yours out there 💔

Ps: I’m loving all the snippets of everything you’ve posted. keep up!

Oh, probably forever? I mean, I was making up stories before I could write and made small books by hand before I could type and I remember using my grandfather's clunky old laptop to painstakingly write my first "real" stories after I started school.

I started writing in English when I was probably 12-13 years old though and I'm 30 now so it's been a while. I posted some stuff on Quizilla back in the day (which oddly wasn't fanfic, but original stories), and I posted my first story on FFN when I was around 20 years old I think?

I go through periods of time where I write a lot and then I don't write at all for a while, mostly because real life gets in the way or something drains my creative energy. Like I couldn't write more than one sentence at a time the first year after I had my baby. Not because I didn't have time, but because the baby took all my focus and I did not have anything leftover to be creative.

Anyway, I think my best tip for new writers is just to write a lot. Like allow yourself to practice, to be bad, to experiment, to learn - just like you would any other hobby, you know? I have posted more than 1 million words on AO3, but I probably have more than twice that much that I'm never going to post that's just collecting dust in my dropbox. And that's fine! It's just practice!

Right now, I'm trying to re-learn how to write in my own language again (Norwegian) because it sounds awkward and weird to my ears and that is probably because I haven't written in Norwegian since I left high school - I need to practice.

Also, be careful comparing your first draft with someone else's finished product. I don't spend too much time editing my fanfics (because it takes the fun out of it and I never make progress), but even I re-read my writing a few times and change phrasings here and there to make it flow better. I personally like to read everything out loud (making funny voices during dialogue) to catch if it flows how I want it to flow.

Another tip is to read a lot. Preferably published books, but fanfiction too. I'm a bit weird here because I can't read fanfiction for the fandom I'm writing for and that is just because I know I will start to compare myself to others and be discouraged, just like you mentioned. Both when it comes to writing style and level of engagement. I mean, some fics have 1000s of notes or kudos/comments and I start wondering how bad my writing is because it doesn't get the same response. At one point, I almost wished someone would post a bad review of my story because it would have felt better than the complete radio silence I received. Truth is, I think engagement is mostly related to coincidence. Summaries, tags and format matters, of course, but after that it's just down to luck. If you're lucky, your story will find its readers and if you're especially lucky, those readers will let you know that they liked it :)

I'm wary of reading nothing but fanfiction though because we fanfic writers tend to get influenced by each other and use a lot of the same expressions, I think. There's a reason I never have characters smirk, chuckle or hum anymore because I'm still traumatized by how much I used that when I started writing. It's bad enough with how much eyebrow quirking and raising I manage to add in a single story. Also when it comes to characterizations, I try to stay true to the source material, but it's easy to mistake fanon for canon when you read too much of the same stuff.

Sorry, this got super long. I'm just sorry to hear that you're discouraged, especially because I am the exact same way when it comes to comparing myself to others. We are our own worst critics, but I highly encourage you to keep writing! I cringe when I look back at my first stories, but I would never have improved if I hadn't written those stories in the first place :)

[signiorbenedickofpadua]

20 questions for fic writers!

I was tagged by both @honeyteacakes and @acedragontype. Thank you my dears!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

7 right now. I think I had three or four up on my first account, but that one was randomly deleted by the site in like 2019? Or something? I never could get it back, and I never republished the fics, because I kind of lost motivation for writing for a while because of that, and now that I'm back in the game, it's been so long since I wrote that stuff that I either don't really like what I wrote then, or figure that I'd rather rewrite the one fic that I do still like. Oh, god. I just remembered that there was ONE fic that I actually orphaned back then, which means that it's still up. Oooh Christ... I'm not going to name drop it, because I orphaned it for a reason - the reason being that it's the crackiest crac!fic imaginable, born out of sleep deprivation and giggly group chats... I'm looking at it now, and it's apparently 10 years old. Oh. Oh no. I reread it. Oh, god. This was the first "attempt" at smut I ever wrote, and it was between a woman and a sentient inanimate edible object. 8d10 psychic damage, do not recommend.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

At the moment: 296.290 words When I'm finished updating This Dream Is Over (Another Has Begun) it will be around 350.000 words, and I just hit 105k on the Regency fic I'm working on, so by the end of the year we might be close to 500k... written in one year...

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just Sandman, currently. On my last account I wrote for Merlin, ACD Sherlock Holmes (a school project, believe it or not), and a LotR/HP crossover (yeah, I don't really feel like re-publishing and finishing that in 2023, for obvious reasons). I might go back to writing for Merlin again, some day. I sort of want to rewrite that one fic I did post, because I quite liked the premise...but I feel like I would need to rewatch the entire series before I did that, and who's got the time?

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. My Stranger, My Dream - 1507 2. Totus Mundus Agit Histrionem - 818 3. Yours for the Taking - 579 4. Body and Soul, Always and Forever - 565 5. Stay, Just this Once - or - GroundHob Day - 499

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to reply to almost every comment, because I want the commenter to know how much I appreciate that they took the time to comment. I crave that validation, perhaps a little too much, but that's robably common with authors... When I'm updating a fic one chapter at a time, I usually manage to reply to all of them, even if it's just with a couple of heart emojis (if I couldn't think of anything else), but once the whole fic is up and I get one reader who is leaving a bunch of comments in rapid succession, I sometimes skip the one's that are just emojis or exclamation marks and focus on the ones I have real replies to - not because I don't appreciate the emojis just as much, but because I worry that I'd be spamming the reader with like five identical heart-emoji replies :P

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hm, I tend to end things rather happily, but I suppose Stay, Just this Once could be read a bit angsty, since it ends with Hob in 1889 going "Dream kissed me and then left with an implication of potential future kisses? Oh boy, I can't wait until 1989!" when, you know, Dream won't show in 1989.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably This Dream Is Over. I mean, they're all pretty happy, but that one is just so hopeful and soft... You'll see what I mean when I post the last chapter ;)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really. There was one reader who left a couple of comments with very much unasked-for advice (and fairly bad advice, at that) which made me feel a bit meh, but that's hardly hate. Then there was this one comment that went a bit like "Well, that was stupid," and to this day I have no idea if they meant the writing or the characters (who were, to be fair, being very stupid in that chapter). Tone can be very hard to read in text, so I'm trying to give them the benefit of doubt. But no, no real hate, thankfully.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yup. When I started writing again about a year ago, I decided to give it a try, not really thinking I could make it work, considering the last time I wrote romance I had trouble even describing a kiss (which was almost a decade earlier), but it actually worked (I hope)! Then I just couldn't seem to write something without smut. I tried to deliberately leave things off before the explicit parts in one or two stories (making them "just" mature) for people who aren't into the stuff, and I also try to make all the explicit content skippable for those who want to read the rest of the story. What kind of smut? Idk, I've written M/M and M/F so far, I'll probably write F/F at some point too. I think most of it has been fairly vanilla so far, with some light themes of BDSM maybe, if you squint.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Only that LotR/HP one I mentioned earlier, which I abandonded when my account was deleted. I did start planning a Star Trek AU for Merlin, but I think I only wrote a chapter or so before my motivation died and I never published anything. I think I'm generally more interested in AUs taking place in other franchises than "real" crossover with actual characters from both universes.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge. Let's keep it that way!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not yet! I suppose I could do it myself, but as the only language I speak well enough to translate into is Swedish, and Swedes tend to read stuff in English anyway, I don't know that there would be much of a point.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I'd be open to trying! Could be either super fun or incredibly frustrating, but you never know until you try!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I mean, I think it's a draw between Merthur and Dreamling. If I went back and started reading and writing fic for Merthur again, I'm sure I'd fall right back into it, even if Dreamling is my current obession.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Only the couple of WiPs I have from my first AO3 account, I think. I'm trying really hard this time around not to jump between projects too much, but finish what I have before I start something new. If I give myself free reins, my ADD is going to make sure nothing ever gets finished.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, for sure, and characterisation - or at least I fervently hope that my readers would agree on that point.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions, definitely. What does anyone look like? I don't know, I couldn't decide, make it up yourself. I had to go back and make myself add a sentence about Hob's friend Dana being blonde in the last two chapters of This Dream Is Over, since she's an OC and my readers would have no idea at all what she looked like otherwise. It's a struggle, and I do try to practise, but it doesn't come as easy as dialogue and character.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Fun! I've written a few scenes with some Middle English in them, and I have this vague idea of part of a scene where Hob and Dream are walking in London or something and Hob overhears a couple of Swedish tourists discuss how to get somewhere or something, and him turning to them and giving them directions in hilariously outdated Swedish, and Dream going, "When did you last visit Scandinavia?" And Hob says, "Um, 1745, I think. Why?" and Dream is like, "...Nothing." I just don't know how funny that would be to readers who don't speak Swedish... Might still use it some day.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Technically? The Redwall series. I was like 10 and we had to write a story in school, and I was obsessed with Redwall and wanted to write something with talking animals, and I couldn't come up with a better name for the place, so in the end I straight up copied the world and wrote more or less a self-insert who ended up there, entirely oblivious to the concept of fanfiction, but I suppose it counts anyway. I won a prize for it. I have no idea if the adults who judged it knew it was fanfic or not...

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I think it's the Dreamling Regency AU I'm currently working on. If I manage to pull it off as well as I'm hoping to, I think it will be the best thing I've written so far. I'm even considering looking for beta readers for the first time, because I think it has potential and I want it to be the best it can be.

21. CHEEKY EXTRA QUESTION BECAUSE I FELT LIKE GIVING ADVICE - What's the best advice you have for other writers?

If you write longfic, NAME YOUR CHAPTERS! My first couple of fics just had numbered chapters, and whenever I had to go back to double check some detail, or rewrite some sentence I had to retcon, I had to be like "uuuh I think it might be chapter five??" and then waste a bunch of time checking. Now, I have chapter titles which are descriptive enough to remind me of exactly what the chapter is about, and it has made my life so much easier... Also, connected to this, actually using the chapter headers etc. in your word processor so that you get a list of chapters you can pull up to navigate.

Tagging:

@pellaaearien, @arialerendeair, @hardly-an-escape, @ml-nolan

[tunaababee]

20 Questions for Writers tag game!

gonna chuck this under a cut since it's gonna be lengthy!! thank you so much for the tag @popjunkie42 <3 <3 <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3? eight! my one foray into DDADDS, a handful of Homestuck fics (notably Cats and Coffee, which i need to rewrite at some point!!) and 2 for acotar, though that number will be going up!!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 76,793!!

3. What fandoms do you write for? mainly acotar at the moment - i will probably dip my toes back into homestuck periodically though, it is where my roots lie!!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Strained (my one ddadds fic for a crackship) Cats and Coffee we will be everything we say Little Games Is It? (im pretty sure this was my first fic lmao)

5. Do you respond to comments? almost always, they make my day and mean so much!! if i don't reply im either busy and forgot bc my brain is like a sieve or happened to receive and influx and got overwhelmed!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? probably Breathe, which i wrote while having severely unmedicated depression and also being angry at how they shafted my fave character!!

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? oh, hands DOWN wwbews. that is the fluffiest most tooth rotting ending and it was DELIBERATE!!!

8. Do you get hate on fics? im very lucky to have avoided anybody's ire, but i also love biting people on the internet sometimes and i am very liberal with my block button lol

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? i think i would die a little bit if i couldnt write smut?? i mostly write relatively sappy, breeding-kink heavy stuff haha. i want to dip my toes into stuff thats a little more taboo though!! (*cough* ascendant astarion mind control *cough*)

10. Do you write crossovers? no, personally i like keeping stuff in its own little pockets!! mad shoutout to crossover writers though <3

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not as far as i'm aware!!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? no, but if anyone ever wanted to all they'd need to do is ask!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? nope, but i may have something in the works at some point soon 👀

14. What is your all-time favorite ship? no matter what, Karezi will always be my absolute ride or die, but Feysand is pretty fucking up there too!! i love most acotar ships, but in terms of homestuck ones, Arasol and Davejade are big faves too!!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? there's an old Homestuck wip i have deep in the folders called Glitter that i remember the vague direction of? but i know that one is not seeing the light of day, along with a barely fleshed out bandstuck au haha. im determined to make my acotar ideas/wips see the world at some point though!!

16. What are your writing strengths? mm hard to say? i'm very pessimistic/negative about me and my work by nature, so it's difficult to say with honesty, but i like to think i convey emotion and inner thoughts decently well! i also think my dialogue is relatively grounded for the most part?

17. What are your writing weaknesses? so many. i struggle with writing out of order, so when i get stuck on something i get STUCK. i have a tendency to repeat names a lot, i struggle with scene transitions and when to call a scene done. i'm also either always going way too over the top or way too underwritten, i struggle with finding a good middle! there are probably many more i could think of but i don't wanna get too in the weeds.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? i haven't used other languages as far as i can recall? if i ever do i would try and get a native speaker to give it a read over, but otherwise i am afraid our old beloathed google translate would be carrying my ass.

19. First fandom you wrote for? that i published on the internet??? Homestuck. things that never saw the light of day?? shit man, i couldn't tell you. i've been thinking about cool things my blorbos could do since i was a kid.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? very biased, but wwbews. i genuinely think its some of my best work, my first ever completed longfic and i put so much time and love into it!!!

---

tags, if you're feeling like it!! @reverie-tales @starfall-spirit @shardminds @damedechance @cauldronblssd @climbthemountain2020 <3

[creampuffqueen]

You absolutely don't have to answer this one if it's something you'd prefer to keep to yourself, but... was there any particular reason why you struggled with your confidence as a writer? It's a little funny, a little sad, that no matter how good someone is at what they do, at certain times they're unable to perceive their work that way

yeah i don't mind at all! i've been in a very good place confidence-wise for a while now, so i'm definitely able to look back on some of those moments more objectively. i think it's very important to share that everyone struggles with confidence at times, no matter how "good" their work seems.

i think my struggle with my confidence as a writer, both then, occasionally now, and always, stems from the fact that i have never been a super confident person as a whole. i have always had very bad imposter syndrome, ever since i was young, in pretty much all that i do. school, work, hobbies, anything really. i always have had this underlying feeling of 'i'm just faking being good at [thing], i was only good at [thing] because of dumb luck, one day i'm gonna be super bad at [thing] and then everyone will Find Out'.

find out what? idk. but that is something i've experienced for a very long time. most of the time i'm able to ignore those feelings, but every now and then they really rear their ugly head and i sort of get stuck in a rut.

as for the writing itself. i actually can pinpoint what i was specifically struggling with at the time. for starters, i was still finishing up school when i was beginning to plot out my fics for yangvik week, and my spring semester was rough. my adhd became incredibly unmanageable and my overall mental health was probably at the worst it's ever been. not super conducive to writing.

the other part of this struggle was actually because of my other fic, 'the push'. i love that fic and i am very proud of it, but it BLEW UP, becoming popular beyond my wildest imagination. it's only been out for a few months but it is one of the most popular things i have ever posted. last time i checked, it is the most popular work in the entire yangchen/kavik tag on ao3, which is just crazy to me.

unfortunately, the downside of this is that i began to feel like nothing i wrote would ever be as good as that fic. the imposter syndrome appeared full-force. i began to wonder if i should even bother writing for yangvik again. i mean, i had created the most popular fic by dumb luck. there was no way i could create something of that caliber again, right? and if i wrote something that wasn't as good, then people would know that i'm secretly a terrible writer.

this was also extremely exacerbated by my outside mental health struggle. i would struggle to write because of my adhd, and then would beat myself up about it because 'oh i just trekked through that mental block before, i should be able to do it again'. (spoiler alert, no i couldn't).

but somehow, the stars just seemed to align for yangvik week. by some miracle, i had both the free time to write AND working medication that actually let my get my ideas down. i published my fic for day one and it was very well received, and i was able to focus on that rather than my own imposter syndrome, and finally feel some confidence in my writing again!

so this is just my message to other artists: everyone struggles with their confidence at times. it isn't always mental health related like mine was (though you should always prioritize your own mental health! making art is so, so much harder when your brain is out of whack) but everyone feels a lack of confidence occasionally. your art deserves to be seen, no matter if you think you've just created the second mona lisa or you think it's a dumpster fire. someone out there is going to love it, i promise <3

thank you for the ask!

[wildelydawn]

6, 36, 55 🥰

6. do you have any kind of consistent writing schedule or just hoping for the best?

Every day, I have to write (at minimum) 10 journal words (words that are directly related to me, my emotions, etc.) and then I must spend at least an hour a day thinking of writing. When I say "Thinking of writing," that doesn't always mean I am writing, but I am at least thinking of a project or article that I have in mind. Usually that results in at least 500 words a day, but if work is especially taxing, that number can be as low as 0 or even result in my trashing previously written words.

36. do you base your characters of real people or not? If so, tell us about one.

So none of the characters I write in fandom are based on people, but there are people in my life that I write and blog about (they are tagged as such.) One of them is The Scientist, who I've been writing a short story about for a very long time but can never finish. He's a very close friend of mine, but life took us two different ways, and we haven't spoken in a while. Initially when I first met him, he was really stoic and often, in the break room, we'd sit quietly together, mostly because we didn't know how to talk to each other. I remember this one time he was working on such an important lab experiment that he had worked himself into a fever, and I made him tea, ordered him soup, etc, and talked about the report with him. We started talking from then on, even though a lot of what we talked about made him really uncomfortable. Our first date was basically getting coffee with each other and meeting where no one else could intervene in the conversation. Then I got sick one day haha, and he returned the favor. He's on the asexual and aromantic spectrum; we discovered that together while walking through the city, and we could not stop talking about sex because more than anything, The Scientist is an academic, a scientist, someone who just craves knowledge. So he asked about everything: I talked about the physical and he talked about the scientific. We read Roland Barthes together and he hated every moment of it. We'd argue all the time about things: love, candy, Catholicism, the v-neck sweater, avocado trees. And whenever you could make him laugh, it felt like a weird victory because he wouldn't laugh often. He wore glasses, totally could not see a thing without them, but sometimes would take them off while reading long chemistry articles. He hated falling asleep, and so I would take a picture with him whenever he did fall asleep. I stole his jacket once, and he knew, and he didn't ask for it back for such a long time, even when I wore it to our job. He wrote me the sweetest letter when I left. His number is no longer available, but sometimes, I text it anyways. God that's so cliche but I do it. I'm crying now so I have to stop typing this answer haha.

55. do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

I actually recently deleted The Wanderer, which was my only published BBC Merlin fic. I couldn't keep writing it without revealing too much of myself. (Ironic, since, I mean, the previous answer is probably way too detailed.) That's the only story I consider abandoned as of right now. Everything else that's a WIP on Ao3 is being chipped at, slowly.

Ask me writer things!