#i mean theres more but these three make me the most angry

[cal-writes]

I thought about Zoro, again. And how he stays calm when all other mugivaras are in disarray. How he has to be the last pilar standing, because if not him than noone. And how some people deam him emotionless and uncaring because of that, because he keeps his cool and talk logic in hard situations. (Like whan they had to leave Vivi behind, or all this mess in inies loby). And I thought how I want someone to see it, and hug him and let him be vulnerable for a bit.

I dunno if I mean it like a prompt, or just want to cry with someone over Zoro. Maybe both. Anyway I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter in any format :')

god yes i knooooow. going insane over him tbh. like i went into this in my previous meta post about him, esp in enis lobby/water seven arc where he is so clearly affected by everything going on but can't show it. (or feels like he cant)

this reminded me of a thing i havent seen many people talk about, which is that zoro is very often 100% spot on with his predictions, gets ignored, and eats shit for it.

like zoro isnt stupid (despite what some characters and parts of the fandom think) hes incredibly perceptive and his cold read on most people will be accurate. theres several moments where he will predice something happening, rationally explains it to the crew how the best course of action is one thing and then luffy being stubborn and the protagonis does what he wants

not to say that thats a bad thing! i think its awesome to show their dynamic

like back on zou when they find out sanji left to marry big moms daughter and everyone wants to go and get him back

zoro is harsh in his wording bc he always is but the core of the matter is this: if they go mess with big mom, while they are already anatagonizing kaido, they'll end up having to deal with two emperors. he understands that sanji knew that which is why sanji left the way he did (partially).

and we all know how that ended

not only that i think this fight is a fantastic display of zoro's core character trait. unlike the three captains in this fight, he doesnt have an ego about it. he's not posturing or peacocking, he knows immediately shits gonna go down (killer too probably but with the mask its harder to tell what killer is thinking) and he's the one person that keeps an overview of the battlefield that includes everyone. law eventually does once he gets over his control issues

and of course thats not the end of it in wano

"ill suffer twice as much after" and he doesnt care, beats king, nearly dies or maybe does die and nobody knows about that whole thing

then of course in more recent chapters (spoilers for egghead below)

we have his fight against lucci which i find striking in how the other characters perceive it

like jimbei can be excused, he doesnt know zoro all that long but the crew acts like this is a point of pride to zoro, to finish the fight. when we've seen zoro run away from fights plenty of times. and to me what he doesnt get to say is exaclty what ends up happening

if lucci isnt taken out, he will tell the elders about the plans he was privy to in eggheads lab. which of course he does when zoro is dragged away

if the vegapunk hadn't stepped in

zoro would have fought the elder and most likely lost

same way he knew he'd not be able to win against kuma

he's telling everyone to stay out of it because he wants to protect them. its not an ego thing for him. he knows the second he stepped up to that fight hes probably going to lose. he's going to do his best to win but he's not delusional

and i find it noteworthy that we are continuing this plot line of the crew not understanding zoro or not trusting him and not to mention this

lucci telling zoro he's dead weight

and a little bit later, sanji telling him the same thing

like, thats not their usual banter. this doesnt make zoro angry to like be able to fight off lucci better or sth. the panel of him standing there just, flinching honestly haunts me. (i eat it up oda please do somehting with it)

esp curious paired with my above example where i think zoro understands sanji quite well where i dont think sanji does in return. (another reason why i cant see them romantically im sorry itd require so much legwork for me to make that work)

i think it can definitely be read as a setup of zoro feeling apart from the crew. i think part of that is just due to the nature of his position as first mate in everything but name. like in a literal sense he is their superior the same way luffy is all of theirs. and we know from the usopp argument that he takes that a lot more seriously than the others. so i dont think - at this point in canon - zoro would open up to anyone except maybe luffy but even then thats not really the kind of relationship they have - and i dont think any of them actually see whats going on or what zoro has been doing basically the entire time.

zoro hasn't been vulnerable since his fight with mihawk

[carlsangel]

CRUSH

carl grimes x adhd!dixon!fem!reader

(carl loves to hear about your hyper fixation.)

tags: fluff!

masterlist here!

(this takes place in season 4 at the prison!)

Growing up, you’d gotten interested in many things. You were really educated on a lot and your dad, Daryl honestly couldn’t keep up with it. He tried his best, since he’s a pretty quiet guy he’s a great listener. Although, sometimes you wished he’d give you some sort of feedback or maybe ask you questions about whatever it was you were telling him about.

Even after the turn he never really had time to talk about anything. He was always going on runs or he went out hunting. He was really important in the way the prison ran, so he was always busy. You always felt sort of anxious about it, you could never really talk or share your thoughts or explain the interests you loved. They were especially important now as most of your hyper fixations were what was getting you through it all.

You talked, and you talked a lot and there’s nothing wrong with that. But in a world that suddenly had gone quiet, it was hard for people to listen to you considering how adapted they’d become to the silence. You were like a burst of energy that most people weren’t exactly ready for quite yet.

Except for Carl.

He always thought you were the cutest and funniest ever, even when you were younger like at the quarry or the farm. There, you never really had freedom to be yourself because the adults would always tell you to hush and be quieter. That’s why at the prison, he loved to watch you be who you truly were. He’d seen you interact with the other kids at the prison and had gotten angry at them for brushing you off when you were excited about certain things and began to ramble. So, one day at the tables outside the prison, he did something not many people did.

He asked you your favorite book series.

You were ecstatic, even though you realize this may not an invitation to explain to him every bit of lore of the story, you were happy he’d even put in the effort to ask. You tried to stay as calm as possible. “It’s called A Series of Unfortunate Events…it’s quite complicated…” You explain shyly, not having really opened up to him like that before. Sure you’d gone through a lot with him but you stayed quiet a lot of the time because of how discouraged you were by adults.

“Complicated? How so?” He questioned. Which is exactly what you wanted. Your eyes widen a bit but you try your best to stay calm so you don’t completely scare him off.

“Well how much do you wanna know, I mean it’s quite a lot it could take me hours to explain and I’d feel quite bad if you wanted like a quick synopsis and not an entire look on the lore and…” Your voice trails off when you realize you’d been rambling. He however was admiring you completely. He found you so refreshing. “I wanna hear everything.” He tells you. Again exactly what you wanted. Was he always so cute? Or is that something you’d just noticed?

“I guess I could start with the basic information, there’s three siblings right, theres Violet who’s the eldest sister and she’s an inventor, she always ties her hair up with this ribbon and that’s how you know she’s gonna make something good...” You continue to ramble and smile at little details you explain. “Then there’s the middle child, Klaus who’s a boy and he is very intelligent, he remembers basically anything ever told to him which I somewhat relate to considering I get really interested at certain things but anyway,” He giggles at you a bit, enjoying everything in front of him at the moment.

“They also have a little sister Sunny who’s just a baby but they understand everything she says and she has these teeth that are super sharp even though it’s just four but she could probably bite off a finger if she really wanted to.” His eyes widen a bit. “A finger? Wow…and only four teeth?” He inquired, very intrigued at what you’re saying.

You continue to talk to him a bit more, explaining a good amount of the plot to him and he listened intently. You’d stopped for dinner but continued to talk with him during. At some point, Daryl had to come and pry you away from him so you could actually go the hell to bed. Carl didn’t want you to go, you’d already gotten him invested and he wouldn’t be able to sleep without knowing what happened next. He also wanted to just spend time with you.

“Cmon s’time for bed.” Daryl told you, you then turned to Carl and a small frown was displayed on his face. “We can talk again tomorrow morning…if you want.” He immediately nods. “Yes- yeah I’d love to.” Daryl looks between the both of you, knowing how much Carl had admired you. He also knew that if Carl was listening and wanting to know more, you’d also admire him just as much. You smile at him and nod. Daryl directs you in the way of the cells and he stays back to talk to Carl.

“You got somethin for my daughter?” He interrogated Carl for a moment. “W-what?” Daryl looks back at you to make sure you’re far enough before continuing. “Those books…she’s been dyin to talk to me about those since I found em for her. Haven’t had the time.” He explains. “No one else seems to want to hear about it. What’re you up to?” Carl tilts his head a bit. “I just wanted to know her favorite series…I suppose I enjoy hearing her talk.” He smiles.

So Daryl left him alone about it. He was glad to know you had someone to talk to while he was busy.

The next day at breakfast, you were eating while reading back at the benches. Once he gets his plate he walks over and sits across from you. His paper plate hit the table with a bit a thud and you notice, looking up from the book. “Oh…hey.” You look up at him and smile, he takes a moment to respond as he’s quite flustered to see your smile straight off the bat. “Hi…which one are you reading?” He points to your book.

“The twelfth book. I’m kinda sad about it though…” You give a small pout and he picks up a bit of bacon to take a bite. “Why, cause it’s gonna end?” He chews his food and waits for your reply. “That and I don’t have the last book.” You fold the page’s corner, sort of a way to mark your place. Carl takes note of that. He does however feel horrible that you’re missing the last book. “Oh really? I’m sorry…maybe we can make up our own ending. Once you explain the rest of it to me.” He does his best to cheer you up.

But somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he had to solve your problem. Although he was too young to go out scavenging, his best friend wasn’t. So after breakfast where you explained the second book to him, on his way to do his chores he stopped Michonne on her way out of the gate. “Do you think maybe if it’s not to big a deal you could stop at the library? I’m looking for a book.” He explains, not quite mentioning you currently. “Is this for your new old ‘friend’?” She questions, somewhat teasingly. He rolls his eyes but nods. “Yes. She’s missing the last book. The thirteenth.”

“The last book? Tragic. I know the series, I overheard your guys’ chats yesterday.” She smiles.

So she left and you didn’t see Carl till later that night in the cell block after dinner. He stopped by your cell with a small bag in his hands. He pushed the curtain open to see you lying on your stomach atop your bed, on the final pages of the twelfth book. “Almost done?” He sort of startled you but you immediately smile once you realize it’s him.

“Mhm.” His visit was rather unusual, usually you’d just talk to him during the day but not before bed. You sit up and make room for him to come sit beside you. “I got something for you.” He reaches into the bag and pulls out a book, the thirteenth book. “‘The End?’ Really? How…I mean my dad’s been looking for it for me but-” You look up at him with a bright grin. You don’t really say anything before swiftly tackling him in a hug. He hugs you so tightly, all he wanted was to see you happy.

After pulling away from the hug, he reached back down into the back and pulled out a hook bookmark. It had a little arrow charm. Fitting for a Dixon to say the least.

“I mean…this makes sense.” You tell him, he laughs at your comment. “I just thought I’d have Michonne find you the last book. I’m quite invested in it myself. I love hearing you talk about it…I love hearing you talk.” He explains, sort of staring at you admiringly. You notice and look a tad skeptical, knowing there was something more appealing to him than just talking.

“I uh..I have a small crush on you…if that explains everything.” He admits, his face turning a light shade of pink.

You smile. “Yeah, I could tell.”

a/n: i thought this was quite fun to write, i love a series of unfortunate events muehehehe. anyway i hope this is what anon wanted, i did some good research for it to ensure it was okay :)) okay love u bye

tag list: @zomb-1-egutzz @lunarnightt @ilikestrawberriesandwomen @hiro--aoki @h00d-tr4sh

[kingusukaras]

some (mildly disjointed) thoughts i had about the translation of most recent leona overblot scene from the second twst novel. unsaid disclaimer is obvi these are just my thoughts and youre free to disagree. i cant stop you

read more because i might ramble a bit 💆🏾‍♀️

i'll start by saying that i'm very grateful for the novel & yuureis translations, bc its given me so much to chew on wrt leonas psyche and mental state, much more than book 2 in the game did. i havent bothered to go looking for reactions tho, bc i can already kind of predict the takes i'll find (knowing how parts of the fandom talks abt leona generally) - and i do "get" it, in the sense that i do also feel the way he tortures ruggie before he overblots is upsetting - but theres so much to dig into here, i feel like its such a waste to get hung up on obsessively moralizing

(i'll mention here that to formulate these thoughts i'm also pulling from the translation of leona's post-overblot scene, plus some moments from the game that i'll mention specifically as i go)

for example, the things leona says pre-overblot, his meltdown about dreams being stupid and useless, how the savanaclaw students (ruggie included) aren't meant to question him; they're meant to obey quietly, sound less like actual things he's trying to tell them and more like him lashing out at himself. as in, he's more talking at them, not to them. skipping forward to book 6: there we see leona give jamil advice, but the implication underneath is that everything he's telling jamil are things leona wishes he had internalized himself - again here, he's talking to someone, but really it's also directed inwards. almost like it's easier for him to look at (and speak about) himself critically when he can externalize it as critique of other people

the other thing im curious about is the distant, detached persona he adopts when he's truly angry. this'll be quick because i don't feel i have enough information to unpack it properly, but if i allow myself to spin thoughts out from limited information: it could almost be a habit he picked up as a child - something he might've forced himself to learn as part of an effort to be seen as more of a 'model' prince. if people were afraid of his moodiness because they feared what his UM (he) could do, then if he swallows those emotions maybe he can mitigate that. this, ofc, being shot through with the expectation that, as royalty, any order he gives people will obey

the final thing, for this post at least, is unpacking the way leona lashes out at ruggie when ruggie defies him. i'm willing to make the very safe bet that most of the reading of this moment is focused on leona being angry over being defied at all, or general disgust at how small and weak ruggie is (appears) to be. and while i think both of those points have some element of truth to them, i think the larger aspect of leonas reaction is jealousy. ruggie somehow, despite everything, despite all of the disadvantages life has thrown at him, still has the courage to have determination. and i want to be very clear here: this is not me saying being poor or struggling is admirable because it makes you strong - i'm not naive and i'm not here to romanticize poverty. what i am trying to say here ruggie's tenacity - a tenacity his life circumstances developed in him - is something that leona lacks, and that's what he's jealous of. he's jealous of his inability to keep having that hope, to maintain that courage in the face of his own repeated failures

(an aside: isn't it ironic that part of the reason ruggie has that tenacity is leona? leonas tutoring, leonas effective leadership of the spelldrive club, and as housewarden?)

(an aside 2x: in many ways, 'giving up' can be seen as a luxury. ruggie does not have the luxury to give up, because it could very well mean that he doesn't eat that day. for leona, regardless of what he does he's going to have a roof over his head and three square meals a day anyway, so what does it matter if he gives up? sure, he won't be happy, but he'll be comfortable in a material sense, and isn't that enough? except, of course, it isn't - not for him. as much as he tries to deny it, he's as fiercely ambitious as the rest of his dorm)

[timothylawrence]

it saddens me so much to see shity posts abt will being supposedly out of pocket when talking abt his new appearance in front of tieflings when. first of all knowing his story this is never about tieflings and not meant in a mean spirited way to anyone but himself. and secondly this is a person whos sense of self worth is literally little to none because of everything that happened with ulder and mizora when he was a kid. wyll feels so much guilt over existing just as "wyll" that he doesnt really see anything worthwhile about just being "wyll ravengard" and thus is always trying to overcompensate for (in his head) not being the "perfect son" or the "perfect hero" and puts himself in danger disregarding his own well being and safety by playing the part of the Blade of the Frontiers, this larger than life hero of legend persona that he's created, both to do something about the guilt he feels ovr being only human. like theres a reason why hes always so charming and proper apart from being a genuinely nice person but i guess some ppl dont gaf abt nuance. like girl how would you react if the person whose job is to love, accept and nurture you, and who has been your personal referent your entire life REJECTED YOU AND KICKED YOU OUT AT SEVENTEEN. like girlies did we even play the same game. ulders opinion meant the world to wyll. so much so that he took on this perfect blades of the frontier persona and hid the real, human, wyll persona because he thinks that to be accepted by uldred he can be nothing short of perfect. and then mizora changes his appearance so that the proof of his pact is visible to anyone knowing how much having to look and be perfect weighs on wyll. its so unfair and sad like. wyll will be genuinely kind and accepting towards people who have more faults than him bc he recognizes the person behind the faults, but he will never give that same treatment to himself. he beats on himself so much over natural human responses bc of what ulder said to him.. girl i cant do this. his first response to not looking """proper""" as the blade of avernus is to hide from the other people at the party, even if those other people share most of the same physical traits he now posesses. he can accept and understand "weakness" and "imperfection" from other, just as long as it doesnt come from himself.. AND STILL HE IS SO SO KIND AND LOVING AND SMART AND TALENTED AND TENDER AND PRETTY AND DREAMY JUST THE WAY HE IS ok im normal now. sorry for writing this so shittily im in a rush but anyways wyll supremacy

LOL anon you got it down to a T. People chalking up Wyll being ‘angry’ about being a tiefling now like, missed the point entirely. He’s not a tiefling. He is a devil- he’s been touched by the hells and people NOTICE. Especially when you get to act three, multiple guards call Wyll out on not being a ravengard- one even calls him a devil boy!! Not to mention, his own father literally calls him a monster. He was manipulated and preyed on by a devil- his life was RUINED by a devil. Why would he be okay with being one? With being the very creature that preyed on him?

A lot of people seem to skip over Wylls relationship with his dad- he loves his father more than anything. There is no anger over Ulder kicking him out, there’s no anger over not being listened to. One of my favorite quotes in the whole franchise is from their scenes together— “everything I did, I did for Baldur’s Gate. I did for you.”

Wyll gave away his life to a devil to save Baldur’s Gate. He did this for his people but most importantly, in his own eyes, to make his father proud. And Ulder cast him out. If making a pact with a devil earned this response, why would Wyll not be scared about LOOKING like one??

Not to mention, if you play his origin, mizora states to his face that the blade of frontiers is just a persona- she taunts him abt his need to be good - to have this perfect image, to manipulate him to do her bidding (killing Karlach). She knows just as much as he does that without the blade of frontiers, he’s nothing but that scared, exiled boy.

Wylls biggest fear is not being needed, because if he’s not needed, if he’s truly alone, then there’s no use for the Blade of Frontiers.

There’s just Wyll.

[sillyunicorn]

Fanfic writer challenge (aftg edition)

1. list & explain the three lines/moments from canon that are most fundamental to how you write your fave character

2. challenge 3 more fic writers to do the same!

Tks for the idea and tag @mostlymaudlin !

I meant to sleep but couldn't stop thinking about this so here we go. ANDREW MINYARD:

1. Theres a lot under the surface (and under this break)

"How a man who viewed the world with such studied disconnect could kiss like this, Neil didn't know, but he wasn't going to complain." (TKM)

One day I'll share my essay on surface ppl versus depth ppl but just know Andrew is a depth person.

2. He knows Neil.

Neil asking Andrew how he can stand him after everything:

Neil reached for him, unwilling to let him leave without a real answer.

"No," Andrew said, and Neil's hand froze a breath from Andrew's arm. (TKM)

Maybe also indicative of his understanding of other ppl in general. Analyzes them, never forgets anything. Pretty much always knows what to expect. Neil is the only one who ever really manages to surprise him. But in this moment he knows what Neil will do, and he uses that to demonstrate his point.

Not the most important thing in this scene, which shows how Neil knows and respects Andrew's boundaries. Among other things. But still.

3. He's a self sacrificing asshole who sees things in black and white. Especially his own commitments and what it means to protect someone. Neil explaining to Aaron why Andrew killed Tilda:

"Why he—what? That isn't the same. He didn't do that for me."

"He told me he did," Neil said. "I didn't even have to ask him. He warned her to stop hitting you and she wouldn't. He had no choice but to get rid of her. ...

"Except I lied," Neil said, getting to his feet. "Unlike you, he's not angry that you interfered. I just said that because I needed you to understand." (TRK)

Andrew doesn't get angry, he gets even lol.

4. Bonus. He doesnt get angry, except when he does.... at how much he cares about Neil.

hotel scene:

"I'm sorry," Nathaniel said.

...

"Say it again and I will kill you." (TKM)

Like, is he bluffing? Is he serious? I don't think he'd hurt Neil (death threats are old hat at this pt) but I think it does make him absolutely livid that Neil would put himself in harm's way. Angry at Neil for being a martyr and making him worry, but angry at himself for worrying in the first place. Neil made him renege on his deal, which Andrew never does, but even after that Andrew still cares about him. And then Neil goes and gets himself kidnapped. How! Dare! He!!!!! And how dare Andrew for still wanting to protect this stupid little rabbit. Love him

[abigail-nicole]

tgcf liveread, part 4

archiving my live-reading of Heaven Official's Blessing, the best danmei and one of the most enjoyable novels I ever read, officially translated and available legally now from Seven Seas publishing, featuring Fearless Zen Himbo Xie Lian and Sexy Angry Calamity Everyone Is Afraid Of Hua Cheng. this finishes out book 1 and starts book 2

originally live-tweeted on 3/29/2020

Is actually adorable that the heavenly officials are like “we respect that you’re friends with hua cheng”

baby Xie Lian loves swings.....adorable....

Sad? Try jumping into the first well you see

Oh no going to see his parents graves!?????? I’m dying a little

QI RONG YOU DISRESPECT MOM XIE????????? HES GONNA KILL YOU

Oh my god THIS is where we end book one ??????? NIGHTMARE

Thank god I’m not actually waiting for a chapter & can jump into book two immediately!

BOOK TWO :

IS THIS GONNA BE ANOTHER MDZS LEVEL FLASHBACK MY TINY HEART DOESN’T WANT THAT

Xie Lian, With some Dramatic Timing,

I often read books really fast bc dramatic tension makes me nervous & i need to know what’s going to happen. Because getting too invested in a thing with a sad ending kills me!! So a spoiler that a story has a sweet happy ending INCREASES MY ENJOYMENT OF A BOOK

Young Qi Rong more annoying than green ghost qi rong

any time someone has one eye covered in gonna jump in screaming WE KNOW WHO HAS ONLY ONE EYE

WAIT AFTER THIS WHOLE SCENE THERES JUST THAT ONE PARAGRAPH i mean i know well get more later but ummmmmnmm FEELINGS MUCH

Xie Lian, stand up comedian

I read this passage to my spouse who was shocked & said “I THOUGHT THIS WAS A ROMANCE NOVEL” and then I said “OH SO ROMANCE NOVELS CAN’T HAVE BIG THOUGHTS ABOUT THE STATE OF THE WORLD?”

and continued “JUST BECAUSE MOST NOVELS THAT ENGAGE WITH PHILOSOPHICAL IDEAS HAVE HETEROSEXUAL ROMANCE DOESNT MEAN THAT CANT HAPPEN WITH HOMOSEXUAL ROMANCE TOO”

I’m sorry I said Xie Lian was a himbo

just kidding the inability to see outside of moral imperatives is the mark of a himbo. also I love & appreciate himbos

These flashbacks are really illustrating Xie Lian’s character growth over 800 years. That’s some Good Writing

A ONE EYED CHILD WHO KEPT A SHRINE TO XIE LIAN???? YOU SAY????

My tiny heart clenches up

Xie Lian to Hua Cheng: yeah when I was young & stupid I once told someone to keep living for me hahahaha isnt that dumb

Hua Cheng: (four side eye emojis)

Watching Xie Lian lose control and realize how powerless he is ..... that’s rough, buddy

When i call heroes “dumb babies” and say there are only Villains and Dumb Babies..... this is exactly what i mean

The Hero is The Fool pass it on

I hate reading scenes where things systematically go to shit in every single way ........ reading with one eye closed, turning pages hurriedly, like waiting for the monster to pop out in a scary movie....

READING WITH ONE EYE CLOSED AHHHHHH TOO MUCH TRAGEDY. Closing doors to refugees struggling who need help & punishing them for seeking aid? TOO MUCH LIKE REAL LIFE

This is Too Real For 2020

Dumb Baby

Growing up is rough

Book 2; in conclusion,

WHITE CLOTHED CALAMITY APPEARS

yes the refugee killing was too real for 2020 & then a plague appeared

their first fight together omg and he’s like...... you should get a scimitar.....a cute one.....

ghklcdukbj ffl lolololol i was NOT expecting this land of the tender scene

NOW THERE’S A PANDEMIC IN THE NOVEL???? THIS IS TOO REAL

THANK GOD IM DONE WITH BOOK TWO

I’m so excited to be done with book two i’m gonna make myself some nice tea. Then read some Older Wiser Less Upset Xie Lian. As a treat

I’ve never been so happy to have Qi Rong back

Ling Wen deserves BETTER

ID PRAY TO YOU

I would PAY MONEY to watch “The Red Demon Burnt The Temples of Thirty-Three Gods And Not Even The Heavens Could Do Shit”

“Wait this wasn’t as gay as this in real life.......well.....okay maybe it actually was”

THREE THOUSAND!!!!! I JUST SCREAMED TO MY EMPTY LIVING ROOM

but oh honey you know that’s going to make your boyfriend uncomfortable i know you wanna piss off all the heavenly officials but

Pei Ming is like I DON’T NEED A PLAY TO TELL ME WHEN FLIRTING IS HAPPENING I CAN SPOT FLIRTING BETTER THAN ANYONE

He just wants to be debt free and has a side gig: Xie Lian is the God of Millennials

Grudge Fetus and Xie Lian's Cross Dressing (second for this novel) Exorcism continued in next part!

[iventshitsorrylmao]

bear.

not all men, but not all lotto tickets either. not all bingo cards either. not all bears either.

bears 500% don't use sweet words to manipulate

mankind there is a chance, and it's not looking too good, victims of abuse or sa are more likely to become victims again. so really not looking good.

bears won't utilize the fact you need cooperation to have a higher chance to survive

there are some of mankind who would.

bears don't draw caricatures supposed to represent you, your friends, your sisters, your mother, getting mauled violently and making perverted jokes about rape because people chose man over the bear. saying how much it would be deserved in comment sections over a fucking hypothetical scenario. then immediately have the audacity or dipshitery needed to claim "not all bears, certainly not them, they're good bears." in the same breath. bears would NEVER.

bears are predictable predators

mankind are not predictable

the aftermath of a potential attack is worth considering

if a bear attacks you people will believe you. it will be obvious a bear attacked you

if your fellow man attacks you then mankind are sadistic, clever, with tools and knowlege at their disposal to make it look like nothing happened, and even if this dude gets caught there's a chance the guy is rich enough to afford a good lawyer and will also get off on good behaviour.. there is also the chance that this man you've scorned by being a victim will take steps to find you and seek vengence for having gone to court for, again, attacking YOU. theres a chance other members of mankind will start to attack you or send you stalker threats and harrasment on behalf of him, and cops won't step in until it's too late.

bears can maul you and you'll either die within three hours, or live with ptsd chronic pain infections. and you can spend your life avoiding bears forests, zoos and the north pole.

mankind you can either die within five minutes or fifteen years in captivity in the most extreme cases, or more likely, in three days if he's feeling sadistic. you have a chance to get ptsd AND even cptsd, that's a two for one deal. oh joy. mankind can also give you the chronic pain and infections and even diseases. you cannot go on your entire life avoiding your fellow man to avoid having your trauma triggered, there's even a chance you'll be drawn to abusers after subconciously as a way to come to terms and gain control of the traumatic event (this is dangerous but happens)

of course not all men are jefferey donner not all men are bob mr rogers either, statistically it's those closest to you that will abuse you. let me make something clear. if we're lost in the forest alone together then that means we ARE the closest people in eachothers lives. with no outside perspective, to let us know if shit is getting toxic volitile or downright abusive. there is only two of us.

so yes i would prefer to be lost in the middle of the woods alone and come across a single bear over a single person regardless of gender.

were this to be just a regular forest trail and we are not lost just passing by, then i say hi in passing to my fellow man all the time. just last week two men were birding hoping to get an owl checked off their list. unfortunately i couldnt help them with that.

were we to find like, ten random people, even all men, none of us know eachother then yeah i'll go with the group of men, shenanigans will likely ensue. maybe one of them has a potato launcher he has hoping to try out or some shit.

i would choose a random bear over a random woman. but funnily enough the question is never about that. it's almost like people are looking for something to be angry about.

[mona-the-vampire]

When I decided to watch @strange-aeons's video about reality jumping or whatever the hell it was, I was expecting to have a chill few minutes learning about a weird side of the internet. I got that right up to the point where she said “maladaptive daydreaming” and I have not known peace since.

When I first learned about dyslexia I thought ‘huh weird that sounds a bit like me I wonder if…’. 

This was not like that. This was someone in two words directly hitting an element of my psychology so precisely and so unexpectedly I half expected little cartoon stars to float around my head.

Unfortunately for anyone reading this, I also have a philosophy degree, which gifts me the ability to be very annoying about any given topic, and I’ve chosen this one.

Before I learned of the existence of the term maladaptive daydreaming, I had very little awareness of what I was doing, the daydreams were just there and then, when I was focused on something else, they weren't. They didn’t seem to have ever existed when I was truely not thinking about them, so I didn’t think of them at all unless they were consuming me at that given moment. They are a lot like real dreams in that way, a little bit hard to get a fix on.

I have since been trying to quit, for the last three or so days. But while I have seen online lots of discussions about what counts as ‘maladaptive’, I haven’t seen much about what counts as daydreaming. I think daydreaming has become so entwined with thinking for me that I have found that I have lost a great deal of my cognitive abilities.

Let me explain, right here now as I write, it feels very similar to daydreaming, time passes and I am just here in my head. I am a pretty good typist to my hands move without much conscious thought across the keys. Its a lot like mouthing the words of a conversation with a daydream character, except the character is you, my reader. Or I suppose its not you but my imagined version of a reader. So have I really given up daydreaming then?

Back to philosophy, my first hate, for a moment. In philosophy there is a field where people talk about what value is, and I have a friend who is a bit more of a serious philosopher, she has a theory that value is something like the intersection between truth and happiness, meaning that a thing is the most valuable when it both makes you as happy as possible and is true. Thats a bit of a ms paint version of a whole complex system but bear with me. Daydreaming is not “true“ (?) but makes you happy (kind of, sometimes it makes you sad or angry but in a satisfying way but I am using happy as short hand for any positive feeling.) Therefore, according to my friends system, its kind of a positive, but because its not true its limited in value. It would be less valuable than a more traditional ‘hobby’ like painting or sport that gave the same degree of satisfaction. I can see where she’s coming from with this most people probably do think its better to be really into sport then daydreaming. 

Personally I don’t like her system of value however. It just always sat unhapplily with me, it felt insulting. I think I found it insulting because almost all of my thoughts happen in an ‘false’ way or contain a bit of falsehood.

Here now, the falsehood is that I am talking to the imagined reader. Thats not true theres nobody there. In a great deal of my normal though process I am talking to a character or a imagined self who also isn’t there. Sometimes after reading a really good book all of my thoughts are addressed to, my imagined reader and they are all structured a little like this;

“She considered whether of not she would make a cup of tea, but a deep wearyness took her to the couch for a nap instead.”

I know that that is a utterly BANANAS way of thinking, truly batshit! But it’s just how it be. The style of thought changes with the last author I read as well so after reading a Terry Prachet all of my thoughts are suddenly hilarious, after reading the Bible (for my studies, or boredom in a hotel room) all of my thoughts are grand proclimations;

“And then, on the Wednesday she rose from her bed, and thought about the long day that awaited her. The sun had risen with her on this day that she should go to the dentist.” 

I think I know why I think like this, but I’m not talking about the why right now. Its the fact that none of this thought process is grounded in the truth. Yes, it might have been true that I decided to have a nap, but it’s not the case that this happened in a book, so by thinking like this, my friend would say I am tanking the value of each of these thoughts. Its not like it always makes me happy to think that way. It’s mildly entertaining for a little while, but if I’ve just read the Ent scene in Lord of the Rings it takes my twice as long to get ready in the morning unless I can get out of that rut. 

Strictly speaking I am not sure if all of this is really daydreaming, but ‘tis certainly daydreaming adjacent.

What almost definitely does count though, if after I have watched a TV show or film that I have particularly bonded with, then my thoughts are a conversation with a character from the show. These sometimes weave in and out of being about real events, when I am showering or listening to music these turn to more traditional daydreams. But I am the kind of daydreamer that has a kind of idealised self (ish?) and that self must be in someway also me.

As in I might be a dragon but there needs to be an in plot reason I am a human thing right now that needs to do the dishes (while she chats to whoever the character is about whatever drama is going down). Unless I am on a train with headphones on or something like that then I am usually connected to my real world life while daydreaming. 

This means that my daydreams are entwined with my… me, my real me. This leaves my sense of self in a difficult position. Because, while its worth being clear about this, I always am fully aware that none of my daydreams, or daydream adjacent thoughts are real, without those chats about politics with The Doctor or about relationships with the Evil Queen (OUAT), or about trauma that I have experienced the characters of Supernatural I am not me. So with the understanding that they are false, all of them, it because very difficult to construct a Me that is true.

I can’t fully tackle all of this today. So I am going to leave it with loose ends for now. I do wonder if other people have similar thought systems though. At the moment I have been trying not to daydream at all. So far I have bought the same pair of shoes twice, because I forgot I had already bought them, and showed up to my theory test 2 days to late. I really don’t know if this is going to work or if I am just a bunch of falsehoods stuffed into a human suit.

[christaline]

I’m adding Howl to the list of characters that everyone makes fun of bc they didn’t take two seconds to look slightly deeper into his character and therefore he’s a joke to them list that i have along with Shinji Ikari and Yusuke Kitagawa.

[maliceinwxnderlandd]

‘Splitting’

phase one: this is before the actual splitting occurs outwardly, but inside I’ve been boiling for a while. I start to feel shame, and guilt because I know what’s about to come next. I may start to isolate, or become more irritable and snappy hoping to get someone to say something to bring me out of my mind. Or to maybe see passed that outer hard shell, that there is really something wrong inside. But this is usually not the case. Most just assume I’m being mean to them because I enjoy being mean. I feel anxious. My thoughts are racing. Is this reality? Am I wrong for feeling slighted? I overthink every detail until I snap.

“I knew something was wrong the first time I tried to pick up your sunlight just to have it slither through my fingers, not wanting to take shape or be held”

“Nothing was different - the beds, walls and all the corners where the waiting continued”

phase two: the actual splitting. I feel out of control. I feel out of control of my emotions. Out of control of my perception of reality. Out of control of my reactions. My words. I feel like I don’t know the person I’m splitting anymore. Like they’re a different, bad person. But I know deep down they’re the same person, but emotionally I am not capable of feeling that way. I feel like I’m watching myself from outside of my body and theres no way I can get back in control of it until I’ve made a mess and it’s too late.

phase three: the aftermath. I feel shattered, broken, like someone just reached into my chest and pulled out my heart, set it on fire, and placed it back inside of me. I feel anger towards the other person because I secretly wanted them to save me from myself. I wanted them to just hold me until it was all better. But how could they? When I’m hurling horrible words and threats towards them. Insult after insult, and accusations, because something happened that caused me to feel triggered emotionally and then I lost control of the situation. I felt pain, and the only way I knew how to cope was to bring that same pain to them.

And once the damage is done, I’m left feeling even more shameful, guilty, angry at myself, angry at the other person. I feel like hiding. Never facing them again. And if they ever ask me what happened, I’ll not want to talk about it.

Partly because I don’t remember, because I tend to mentally black out when I lose the ability to regulate my emotions and they become out of control. Nothing else matters except that pain I’m feeling and how I can alleviate the split

But also, I won’t want to talk about it, because how am I supposed to explain to someone the chaos inside my head? How am I supposed to explain that one minute I could love you and you could be perfect to me, and within minutes, you’re an absolute monster.

How am I supposed to explain that to someone without them thinking I’m on drugs (I’ve been accused of being on drugs during my splitting episodes).

It’s painful. Not only for me, but the person on the other side. And it makes me hate myself even more. Because I know I can cut someone into pieces with my words as long as I’ve painted them black in my mind. But I can’t seem to stop the spiral once it starts.

summary: I feel out of control, and shameful, helpless, and guilty. Stupid. Unworthy. Unlovable. Hated.

[keroseneinhalers]

my favorite part of warrior cats is the grotesque story of squirrelflight, ashfur, and the extended cast of cats that sound like they came out of an ajj song

this gal named squirrelflight flirts with a guy named ashfur a few times. typical 80s romance song. its quick, its fleeting. squirrelflight gets together with brambleclaw. its all real lovely. brambleclaw gets promoted to leader after squirrelflights dad goes into retirement and makes his deputy the chief. brambleclaw is now bramblestar

(before the promotion and after the marriage, brambleclaw leads the entire 4 clans to a new territory. not relevant. he also stabs his brother in the neck with a tent stake)

and then squirrelflights sister leafpool, who is a medicine cat and sworn into celibacy, has sex with a guy from windclan named crowfeather. this is something all the cats are sworn not to do. double illegal.

crowfeather is a bit of a whore because he was previously in love with another girl who went on a magical journey with him when he was a child. (brambleclaw was there for that too. brambleclaw is eternal and everywhere) the girl crowfeather was in love with got impaled by a falling stalagmite while protecting a tribe of savage feral cats with names very similar to english translations of a few native american names i know. interesting. racist? there was a mountain lion involved

yeah so they have sex and leafpool gets pregnant. but since she did two crimes in one she gives the kids to squirrelflight and pretends they belong to her and brambelstar. theres an uncomfortable birthing scene because the kids decided to emerge from her cat uterus in the middle of a snowstorm. this is very telling of their characters after birth

theres three kids. jayfeather lionblaze and hollyleaf. jayfeather is very angry. lionblaze is angry but in a brave way. hollyleaf loves rules. they are a legendary trio

theres a thing about superpowers, and a prophecy or something. jay is sickly and blind and can see peoples thoughts. lionblaze never loses any fights, ever, and he maims ashfur a little while theyre trianing. hollyleaf doesnt have any powers, but she is absolutely obsessed with the warrior code and gets caught up with a guy named sol who says the world is gonna end. none of this is relevant except the "bootlicker hollyleaf" thing

ashfur is stewing. ashfur has been stewing for years now. long enough that they literally brought all 4 clans across the continent to a new territory kind of stewing. hes lonely. he misses the girl he was madly in love with, and shes married to the coolest guy in town. hes in agony. (over in windclan, crowfeather has a new girlfriend. manwhoring as long as he lives)

theres a big fire. thunderclans entire territory sets on fire. everyone is escaping, except for squirrelflight and her three kids. jayfeather, lionblaze, and hollyleaf, who is contemplating becoming an antivaxxer or something

imagine this: a clearing on the edge of a pit. the pit is where the cats live. everything is on fire around this clearing. there is one log running across the clearing, and squirreflight and her fake kids are going along it to escape. theyre the last out

ashfur appears he stands at the other end of the log. hes pissed. hes crying. he hates squirrelflight. he hates her so much. his rage is all consuming, like the fire that burns around them. he says he wants her in as much pain as possible, and he knows how: taking the only thing she loves in this world. her 3 kids

we all know something ashfur doesnt. the kids arent hers. squirrelflight, though non an omnipresence, is gifted with this knowledge herself.. she sees ashfurs twisted evil mind and tells him, flat out that they arent hers. she doesnt love them. he can kill them, they mean nothing to her. they are, after all, just her sister leafpool's. why would she care for them?

ashfur is stunned. he gives up. he leaves. squirrelflight and her three kids leave. its a bit awkward. imagine the thanksgiving dinner table after a particularly bad argument. thats all this is really

anyways. hollyleaf is broken from this. shes the daughter of a medicine cat and a manwhore from a clan that only eats rabbits. she cant take it. much like ashfur, she snaps

there are these big clan meetings, once every month. everyone goes, except the old people and the dying people and the kids who just want juiceboxes and lunchables. thunderclan is heading out to the Meeting Island. they find a body in the river. surprise! its ashfur

they go on to the gathering despite finding the body of one of their finest, most mentally haunted warriors polluting the stream with the blood seeping out of his slit throat. the three kids are there. squirrelflight is there. leafpool is there. bramblestar is there

this story has very weird heathers energy to me. its there, but it isnt coherant. like a bad remix of 100 gecs, sort of. this part is no exception

hollyleaf runs up to the big tree the clan leaders stand on and monologue. shes not allowed to do this. perhaps the sense that she lost her identity with her illigitimate birth turned into something real, that the warrior code didnt matter anymore. perhaps she was just tired of being kind; she wanted to go apeshit

she confesses. to two things. number one - the muderder of ashfur. how tragic. number two - leafpool. leafpools affar with crowfeather. squirrelflights lies to her for her entire life. theres chaos. thunderclan is like stan twitter after a minecraft youtuber said something racist 8 years ago. the 3 other clans are trying desperately to get in on this drama. the hot tea of the hour if you will

hollyleaf says her share. she runs away. lionblaze and jayfeather chase after her all the way back to the thunderclan territory. she yells at them. she runs into a tunnel and gets crushed by rocks. thats the end. shes dead.

jk jk that was a lie shes alive and shes living in a huge cave system with a ghost cat. remember the native american coded mountain tribe? yeah, they had ancestors. the ancestors lived at the territory the 4 clans moved to after squirelflight flirted with ashfur and before she got together with bramblestar. they used to drown little kids in the tunnels. jayfeather is the entire reason why the ancestors moved to the mountains and became the racist mountain tribe. i wont explain the timeline of this, and i dont think i could if i tried

up above hollyleafs slowburn romance with a transparent cat, theres a new girl with superpowers. prophecy fulfilled yadda yadda. her sister is annoyed that she isnt #quirky and so she joins a fighting cult run by the cats in hell. i cannot stress this enough its literally every cat from the 50 some books before this who went to hell. they have an army of children. theyre training them. the sister kills one of her classmates and becomes equals with the hell cats. my second favorite plotline in the series

the hell cats come to the land of the living. the sister betrays them. theres a big battle, and its supposed to be the end of the series but you know theyre gonna continue it for at least 20 more books. (they did). hollyleaf appears, and i dont think its ever explained how or why. but shes back, and she joins the battle. everyones too busy with the literal hell cats to care much about some kid with a body count of 1 appearing randomly

hollyleaf fights a bit. she gets mauled to death. thats the end. its just over. she dies and she doesnt come back. rip to a queen

i think my biggest question besides why would someone create this ad continue to do so for fifty plus books, is how the fuck brambleclaw stabbed his brother with a tent stake when he literally doesn’t even have hands. what.

[onecanonlife]

haha how about that stream you guys?? here, have a ficlet

......................

It’s nearing nighttime when he gets the message.

phil

That’s it. Just, phil. Nothing else. No ornamentation. No swearing. No capitalization. And Philza feels his heart drop into his shoes, because Tommy hasn’t messaged him in ages. Hasn’t wanted anything to do with him, really, and Phil can’t particularly blame him for it. So for Tommy to comm him out of the blue, and to comm him with something like that—

Something is wrong. Something is very, very wrong.

He ignores the look of concern that Techno is sending him, focusing all of his attention on the tablet in his hands.

what’s up, mate?

Something simple. Not too pushy, just in case he’s reading this wrong and everything’s fine—and Prime, how he hopes that’s the case. That Tommy’s thought of some minor grievance to yell at him about, and this is just a deceptively calm beginning. Or maybe just that Tommy’s tired. That could be it. He hopes that’s it. Though he knows in his heart of hearts that it isn’t.

“Phil?” Techno asks, but he just shakes his head, not daring to look up from his communicator. The next message takes a full three minutes to come, and he knows because he counts every second, his heart beating triple-time and his wings shifting restlessly behind him, begging him to take flight, as tattered and useless as they are.

i need help

He breathes. In and out. Unsteady.

what’s wrong? he types out, and hopes that he doesn’t come off as dismissive, hopes that he doesn’t come off as curt. There’s nothing else he can think to type, and nothing else that his shaking hands will let him.

The response comes quicker this time, but there is no relief to be found in it.

im stuck w drem in prison

pleas

He’s faced armies. He survived five years on a hardcore world before a death wrote itself into his code and he was forced out. He has conquered nations, spilt more blood than he cares to ever measure. It is not for nothing that he is called the Angel of Death. It is not for nothing that most of the inhabitants of this server know to leave him be. But he doesn’t think that he has ever known fear like this before, fear that freezes him down to his marrow, fear that tastes like dust and gunpowder and looks like a room full of buttons and feels like a sword in his hand that isn’t his.

what??? he sends, and then immediately afterward. are you alright????

It’s a stupid question. Obviously Tommy isn’t alright. Can’t possibly be alright. But he needs an answer, needs to know if his son is unharmed, physically at least. And he needs to know how in the fuck this happened, because he doesn’t know much about the prison but he does know that it’s supposed to be safe. Is supposed to be secure. Is not supposed to trap people who don’t fucking belong there.

no

he keeps talkign to me

he wont shut up i want him to shut up

He stands, his blood boiling to a crescendo.

there was a securty thing

sam cant get me out im stuck

its on lockdwn

but i need to get out

“Phil, what is it?”

I’m coming, he types.

theres lava

The world goes completely still. There is a hurricane all around. He feels his wings flare.

“Tommy’s stuck in prison with Dream,” he says, and his voice is distant to his own ears. “I’m going to get him out.” And on his comm, he sends, Hang in there, Tommy. I’m coming to get you.

And in his mind he prays to every god he can think of: Don’t make a liar out of me.

“Bruh,” Techno says. “Isn’t that place supposed to be secure?” He pauses, and then adds, “How are you plannin’ on getting’ in?”

What he really means by that is, Do you want me to come? Technoblade may claim to no longer hold any affection for Tommy, but Phil has always been able to see right through that. And he knows that if he asked, Techno would move mountains to help him, no matter the objective, no matter the past betrayals.

But this—this, he needs to do himself.

“I haven’t met a prison yet that could hold me,” he says. “Or one that could hold me out.”

And neither will this. Neither will this, if he has to break through stone with his fingernails. Neither will this, if he has to bloody his hands a thousand times—it is not for nothing that he is called the Angel of Death.

He has not been there for his son. Not when he’s needed him most. He’s failed him countless times.

Not again.

Dream will not harm him again.

“Alright,” Technoblade says, and he knows he understands. “Don’t get yourself in too much trouble.”

He smiles a smile that is not a smile at all, but rather something grim and bloodthirsty and eager and angry.

“When do I ever?” the Angel of Death says, and takes up his sword.

Hold on, Tommy. I’m coming.

[sunlightandsuffering]

I LEAVE FOR A WHILE AND I HAVE SO MANY UNREAD BESTIES TO LOVERS ANONS!!! Imma answer them when I get back from boating but Jfc y’all want this AU bad so here, theres no smut per se but this is the first part of the first chapter from Mikasa’s POV I hope I characterized her okay, I’m trying to stay true to the collective vision 😂

So without further ado Besties to Lovers 💕💕

Her and Eren have always been friends, but she wants the benefits, God does she want the benefits. She’s nineteen, in her second year of university and she’s still a virgin and has done absolutely nothing outside of kiss a boy, and that boy was Eren, in the eighth grade. Meanwhile the very object of her affections has a new girl in his room every fucking night. She doesn’t understand where he gets his stamina from or where he finds all of these girls.

They’ve been best friends since the third grade when he forced her to eat a mudpie because he told poor sweet naïve Mikasa it was chocolate cake. When she’d cried after having her face shoved into the mud, he’d told her to suck it up before giving her the lollipop from his lunchbox as penance. She’s loved him ever since.

And unfortunately, his selfish antics have only gotten worse over time.

Mikasa is aware she’s unbelievably sheltered, it’s not something new to her, that’s what happens when you live with three ex-cops for most of your life and the only friend, you’re permitted to hang out with on a continual basis is Eren. As a result, she’s spoiled rotten and she loves every moment of it, especially when it’s Eren doing the spoiling, but she’s trying her best to be less sheltered! She even finally got a job recently and Eren had told her how proud of her he was.

The job might also be part-time at Levi’s mechanic shop but well a job is a job it doesn’t matter if she got it through nepotism.

She’s excited about it, it means she gets to see Eren even more than usual because he works there part time as a mechanic while he puts himself through medical school.

She knows logically she should be fed up of the boy she’s spent almost every waking moment with since she was seven, but she’s not, she loves living with Eren.

He spoils her almost more than Levi, Hanji and Kenny do, which is impressive because they’re all a little crazy.

She’s also a little in love with Eren if she’s being entirely honest with herself, she lives for when he calls her ‘baby’ and his fingers trail up her thighs and he pinches the curve of her ass, telling her the gym is paying off. He’s always touch, touch, touching every part of her he can get his hands on and she loves it.

Once, Jean had tried to have her sit on his lap too when Eren hadn’t been around and although she’d felt a little weird about it, she’d complied because well he was her friend and it was okay when Eren did it, so why not Jean?

Eren had not been pleased.

Mikasa hadn’t liked it either if she was being honest, it wasn’t the same, he didn’t hold her the same way Eren did and she didn’t have the same pleasant little flutter in her tummy the way she did with Eren when his hands would dip between her thighs and along the seams of her underwear beneath her flowy dresses.

She always felt happy and warm whenever Eren touched her and if she ever felt uncomfortable he’d stop, but he was also more than happy to soothe her back to happiness, he’d kiss her neck or tell her how good she was being for him and she’d be content once again.

Sometimes she’d wriggle around in his lap and he’d hold her tight, and give her a little nibble to her ear as warning. Sometimes she’d heed his warning and sometimes she wouldn’t but when she didn’t that’s usually when Eren would take her home and she loved being alone with him much more than at a boring party while he flirted with a bunch of girls.

When she had him entirely to herself, that was when she was most happy. But these days it wasn’t often, it seemed somehow her best friend had become even more of a man whore since she’d moved in. It’d been a year and still he hadn’t cooled down, he had more sexual partners than an emperor with a harem, it was ridiculous.

The revolving door of girls was getting old for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was that she was fed up of having to explain where the coffee was as the girls pranced around their kitchen in underwear and Eren’s t-shirts. It was irritating, they didn’t understand that she would be the one to make Eren coffee or tea in the morning and that she had exclusive access to his wardrobe. The pretty blonde bitch she was glaring at right now should NOT be wearing her favourite t-shirt.

She sullenly continues to steep Eren’s tea for him, knowing he’ll need the caffeine when he wakes up while she watches the pretty little blonde march around their kitchen like she owns the place. She grabs all of Mikasa’s iced coffee ingredients from the fridge, drowning two cups of scalding hot coffee in sugary sweet. Syrup, whip cream, sprinkles, everything Eren buys Mikasa because he understands her ice coffee obsession. Meanwhile Mikasa knows for a fact Eren loathes the stuff, he tells her it’s too sweet all the time, making faces every time he steals a sip, as if it will taste different than the last time he drank it. He always gives her little cheek kisses after, awfully close to her lips or on her nose, tells her she’s sweet enough for him, that he doesn’t need anything else.

And without fail she’ll squirm and blush under his praise just like she always does and he’ll get that look in his eye, the one that’s dark and hungry that she knows usually precedes some manhandling. A slap to the ass, a pinch to her waist, something that allows him the excuse to touch her and she lives for it, sometimes if she’s really lucky he’ll tuck her into his lap and let her drink the rest of her coffee from her favourite seat there.

She’s startled out of her thoughts as the blonde girl drops two spoons onto the counter and they clatter against the marble with an angry noise, leaving spills of coffee in their wake.

“Can you be a doll and clean that up for me?” Platinum blonde asks her before she picks up both mugs and starts towards Eren’s room.

Mikasa frowns but wanders towards the sink to grab a washcloth for the mess.

Platinum blonde doesn’t make it two steps out of the kitchen before Eren’s bedroom door opens and shuts and he’s wandering into the open expanse of their kitchen wearing nothing more than a pair of plaid pyjama pants and rubbing his eyes.

Mikasa smirks at the sink, now is her favourite time of the morning, when Eren will kick out the little blonde rather brutally.

“Eren, hi!” The girl tells him breathlessly, and Mikasa turns to watch her hold out a coffee, “I made you a coffee, wasn’t sure what you liked.”

Shit, Eren’s tea! Mikasa drops her wash cloth and quickly removes the tea bag from Eren’s typical Earl Grey, thankfully it’s not too oversteeped. She wanders to the fridge to grab the cream, pretending not to be gleefully listening to the conversation next to her.

Eren takes the coffee from the girl, looking down at it as if it’s going to explode, sprinkles and chocolate shavings floating around the milky brown mixture. He raises an eyebrow up at the girl before placing the coffee on the counter, “Thanks, but I don’t like coffee.”

The girl’s eyes go a little wide and she places her mug on the counter as well, “Oh I didn’t know, tell me what you do like and I’ll make it for you, I wanted you to have a little pick me up, you know after last night,” She sends him a little smirk as she finishes her sentence but Eren remains looking unimpressed.

“I like tea, but don’t worry about it, I already have some being made right now, isn’t that right Miki?”

His eyes finally slide to hers and as usual her heart skips a beat as those intent viridians watch her so intensely, all of his attention is on her, he pays absolutely no mind to the blonde girl as he makes it to her side in a few steps.

She nods softly, she doesn’t want to reply, not in front of this girl, she’s too shy, it’s why she’s barely said three words to her yet. She hands Eren his cup of tea and he grins mischievously at her, before taking it from her hands. He winks at her before leaning in to kiss her cheek, murmuring into her ear softly, “Thanks Miki.”

Shivers erupt all over as his breath hits just under her ear, where he knows she’s most sensitive.

He pulls away and she’s left wide-eyed as he steals his tea and turns back to the blonde girl.

“Sorry what was your name again?”

The blonde’s face scrunches up in irritation, “It’s Katrina.”

“Great, Katrina I’ll walk you out.”

He takes a sip of his tea before leaving it on the counter and grabbing Katrina by the arm and dragging her towards his bedroom. They stop briefly to grab Katrina’s things before making their way to the door, Eren likely hoping to avoid her impending meltdown.

Mikasa doesn’t see it but she hears the irritated whines that turn into pleads as Eren tells the girl not so gently, to leave. The door slams and she hears footsteps as Eren follows the girl outside. Mikasa may or may not scoot a little closer to the main hallway and press her ear to the door to listen.

“But we had such an amazing night—”

“It was okay.” Eren throws in his two cents and Mikasa fights to keep in her giggle, this is her favourite part of the mornings, it’s almost worth all the pain of the night before just for this.

“What do you mean, it was amazing, Eren I think we really have something, it was so amazing—”

“Listen, I don’t do relationships, I do one-night stands and that’s it.” Eren tells Katrina firmly and Mikasa gives a little fist pump, damn right, she never sees the same girl twice and she’ll never admit how happy that small tidbit of information brings her. If he’s going to have someone else, at least she knows he has no feelings attached to it. The day he gets a serious girlfriend is the day her heart really breaks.

“What about the girl in there, Miki you called her, don’t tell me you’re not fucking her.”

Mikasa is shocked, her cheeks turning red at the assumption, how vulgar.

But also a small part of her wishes Eren was, ‘fucking’ her that is. She’s a virgin, completely innocent in every conceivable way, she’s never even touched herself, nineteen and still totally clueless with all things sex. It’s not like she hasn’t considered it or wanted to try before, she’s not a prude, she just has no idea where to even start.

Not to mention, ANY male love interests are squashed like bugs the second Eren gets wind of them, and if it’s not him it’s Levi, Kenny or Hanji.

But lately she’s considering at least buying a vibrator or something, maybe taking her own virginity, Sasha and Annie never shut up about it, she’s curious about what all the fuss is about. Every time she moves her fingers down her stomach, she heats up a little, blushing bright red and wondering if it’s wrong, if its weird.

She usually makes it to the line of her panties, concentrated on trying to figure out what she should do and imagining what she thinks will turn her on, and of course it’s always Eren. Always, always him. Unfortunately, that’s usually where her fingers stop because she feels awful, dirty for imagining her best friend touching her, thinking about his large frame looming over hers and laying kisses on her lips instead of her cheeks. Eren would never want her like that, she’s not his type, small blonde, perky and experienced. No bad Mikasa! She cuts her thoughts off before they can descend into negative territory, she’ll never have Eren romantically but at least he loves her platonically and she’ll take what she can get.

“Leave.” Eren tells Katrina in a tone that brokers no argument, the one he reserves specifically for people who insult her, and it happens often when his one night stands see a girl in Eren’s apartment that’s not them, the jealousy is real. However, what they fail to realize is that she is the one girl he actually gives a shit about, she has a special place reserved in his heart as his best friend, and all the sex in the world has nothing on that.

She continues to listen, waiting for more, but this one surprisingly kicks up little fuss and the next thing Mikasa knows she’s scrambling to move away from the door as Eren opens it, falling swiftly onto her ass in the foyer.

Eren raises his eyebrow at her as he shuts the door, leaning back against it, arms crossed and still delightfully shirtless. Looking up at him, he truly is an attractive figure, arms corded with muscle from working with cars all day, handsome chiselled face with a slit in his right eyebrow and a few tattoos placed randomly along his arms. Mikasa, understands better than anyone why girls flock to Eren like moths to a flame.

“Watcha doing down there love?” He asks, his tone deceptively sweet, she knows he won’t be happy she was listening in, especially since the other girl sort of insulted her. She plays dumb, or attempts to at least.

“Just cleaning up,” she grabs a shoe from the shoe rack next to the door, “Wanted to make sure everything was in order.”

“Uhuh,” he says doubtfully, crouching down to her level where she’s splayed out, legs askew and leaning back on her hands.

“So you were’t eavesdropping on me outside?”

She looks away, she can’t lie to him, she’s terrible at it, he knows all her ticks, and she always inevitably caves and tells him anyway.

“Miki,” His voice is chiding, a hand coming up to grab her chin and turn her in his direction. Her full bottom lip sticks out in a pout as she confesses, “I just wanted to know what you’d tell her, she wasn’t very nice to me.”

He leans in closer, edging his way into her personal space and she’s forced to lean back further on her hands as Eren kneels over her, placing his own hands on her thighs, his face getting closer and closer to hers. Her breathing comes quick as his face finds her neck, “You’re not being a very good girl today Miki. My tea was a little oversteeped and now this,”

She gasps a little, her heart thundering in her chest, theres that phrase, ‘good girl’, every so often Eren slips it into conversation and she doesn’t know why but she absolutely loves it, she adores it when he praises her. She wants to hear him say it all the time, wants to be his everything, wants to be the best.

And sometimes she’ll hear him whisper it to the girls he’s fucking, their bedrooms are right next to each other and the walls are paper thin, how could she not? And those are the times she wants to touch herself the most, when Eren tells the girl he’s with she’s being a good girl in that deep raspy voice of his, in the tone he only uses when he’s at the height of his pleasure, gravelly and filled with desire as he fucks some girl so hard the wall of their shared bedroom shakes.

Her face heats anymore at her train or thought, doing her damndest not to let her eyes follow the V of his abs down to the waist band of his pants.

“I’m sorry, I won’t do it again, I’ll be better,” she responds quickly, she doesn’t want him to be mad at her, not about this, she didn’t mean to eavesdrop, she’ll never do it again as long as he’s not mad at her.

It’s the worst when he’s mad at her, he wont talk to her for a while, won’t touch her and that’s the worst part, no little touches. She’d never realized how totally attached and needy for him she was until they were watching a movie and he wouldn’t let her sit in his lap, wouldn’t lay his head on her chest and hum into her sternum while she fought back shivers because her breasts are so fucking sensitive.

“Eren please, I’m sorry, please don’t be mad at me.”

His face is stern for a moment, dark strong eyebrows scrunched up and lips set into a line, tears prick her eyes at the thought of him giving her the silent treatment for a week again. She can’t do it.

As a tear escapes one eye, tracing a path down her cheekbones, Eren’s large calloused hand comes up to cup her face, moving from her chin, his thumb darting out to catch the tear before he brings his thumb to his mouth, licking the meagre drop from his finger.

His face settles back into a neutral expression before he buries it into her neck, leaning his whole body weight on her, and pushing her to the ground, lying across her front.

“Oh fuck Miki, what am I going to do with you?” He sighs into her neck, before leaving a little bite there that makes her squeak. Then another, and another and she knows this is her punishment but it feels so nice, bites interspersed with little kisses along the column of her throat, they’ll probably leave marks later if she’s lucky.

He pulls back when she makes a little whimpering sound as he hits a particularly sensitive area of her skin, breaking the quiet atmosphere and they both come back to themselves. She’s immediately sad because she loves it when he gets carried away like that, almost feels like she has a chance.

Eren moves away, leaving her cold and bereft on the floor as he stands up.

She stares up at him, quicksilver eyes wide and needy, she needs something, she doesn’t know what, zings shoot through her core and she’s unbearably hot, she needs something. It’s the weird feeling again, the one she only gets when he’s around and being touchy, he must see it in her eyes because a pained looks crosses his face and he almost moves to grab her again but he bites his lip and settles on holding a hand to help her up, “Come on Miki, I’ll make you breakfast love.”

She pouts but takes his hand, following him to the kitchen and sitting herself on the bar stool while he makes her favourite waffles.

It’s always like this, he’s always taking care of her, he can’t help himself and sure sometimes he’s a little mean, well most of the time, and more often than not he’s teasing her, but he takes care of her so well, she trusts him implicitly.

They’re on the cusp of something, she doesn’t know what but she can feel it building, ever since she first moved in, the tension has gotten worse. Eren is like a caged panther waiting, watching, restraining himself, his eyes are always hungry when she walks around in her pyjamas, which consist of only his old shirts and panties, but she can’t quite figure out for what.

He gives her a little wink as he slides her waffles onto a plate and cutting them up for her, before he feeds her delicately, little bites of chocolate chip and syrup. He catches little dribbles of the sickly sweet mixture that stain her lips, bringing his finger to his mouth, just for a taste. He pulls a face at the overly sweet treat, and she laughs which makes Eren smile her favourite smile, the genuine one with all his teeth only she can pull from him.

The next dribble of syrup she loses, Eren feeds it right back to her, holding out his thumb for her to lick but she does him one better and takes the whole digit in her mouth with ease, sucking the syrupy chocolate up happily. She watches him the whole time and his reaction is everything, his eyes glow greener, he leans in just a little closer and there is that intent hungry look again. It’s beginning to be her favourite look on him, something about it is just attractive.

She releases his finger with a pop, smiling at him before she sticks her tongue out, “All clean!”

Eren’s gaze is so intense she wants to look away as he moves his hand to tuck a few stray locks of hair behind her ear. He exhales before he speaks, his voice quiet, like he doesn’t mean to say it at all, “You’re such a good girl aren’t you Miki?”

“What did you say?” She asks because she wants to hear it again and again, but Eren doesn’t oblige.

“Nothing baby, finish your waffles, you haven’t been eating well lately, I don’t want anything left on your plate.”

He takes care of her so so well. How could she ever need anyone else?

But evidently Eren does, to satiate his more carnal needs, the ones she’s clueless about and the one’s she longs for him to use her for. He gets a call halfway through her breakfast and he departs from alternately stealing bites of her waffle and letting her eat by herself. It’s a call from a regular girl, Selena, she’s pretty sure her name is, a beautiful Brazilian exchange student with blue eyes and a perfect olive hue. He kisses Mikasa goodbye, a swift peck to the cheek, before he tells her not to wait up, he’s going to work this afternoon shift and afterwards he’s going ‘out’.

She’s may be naïve but she’s not stupid, she knows what ‘out’ means, he’s going to spend the night at Selena’s and tomorrow he’ll come home with mussed hair and hickeys, he won’t need anyone to make his morning tea, won’t be home to make her breakfast.

She’ll be all alone in the apartment once again and not for the first time, she wonders if maybe she should be doing the same. Just what is she missing out on that’s so good that Eren can’t go two days without it, what is so great about sex that Sasha and Annie will spend hours discussing it over dinner?

She drops her breakfast dish in the sink, scowling as she watches the water run over the remains of her breakfast, filling the sink with bubbles, maybe she should try it too. Maybe sex is what she needs from her life, maybe Eren is onto something.

[dog-teeth]

is there anything you wish you had known before starting T? are there any effects that you dislike? sorry if this is too personal, i'm just trying to make sure i'm making a good decision. i'm agender but i want to present more masc but i'm scared that i'll end up hating the effects of T even though there are some things that i really really want from it. also, i love your art!

no worries im honestly fine with talking about almost all transition/gender related stuff! im gonna talk (p non-explicitly) about sex and body stuff so i’ll put this under the cut

there aren’t any effects i dislike. when i started there were things that i was very nervous for because i thought i would hate them but ended up loving them. i prefer almost everything i experience on hrt, or i don’t care about it, so for example i LOVE my voice now & i love the way T makes me feel emotionally (both physiologically and psychologically), but i don’t care about having facial hair because i always shave it but it’s not that much of a hassle and sometimes stubble is cute. i don’t care for the body hair either bc i was already basically as hairy as a cis man pre-T, i even liked my old leg hair better because the texture was less coarse. the only thing i like better not on T is sexual sensations, but honestly i dont have sex so it doesn’t matter lol. i was v scared for bottom growth and was certain i would hate it but it actually rules i love it (i don’t love that i need like three times as much lube now tho cuz ur ability to naturally lubricate goes way down) also this was one of the most uncomfortable changes at first cuz it makes the clit very tender and sensitive and it will rub against your underwear and be really uncomfy with friction, so make sure u have soft underwear and loose pants. sorry for talking about my genitalia but tbh there is nowhere near enough information about trans bodies and its one of the least discussed aspects of hrt.

however, i was not always this content with taking T! it was a rocky start! there’s nothing that bothers me now, but when i was first starting, a lot bothered me. i was SO sweaty for NO reason, my voice HONKED like a third of the time i opened my mouth, i was VERY ANGRY very quickly, and i was so so hungry!!! snacking forever!! all of these things mellowed out over the first few months, i’m back to not sweating very much and being able to speak like a human person and my anger is actually significantly more manageable than it was pre-T because it comes and goes easily which means i no longer fester deep frustration and anger all the time. i think my appetite leveled out but it’s still higher than before, i gained a couple pounds but it wasn’t a lot.

i don’t want to pressure or sway anyones decision to take hrt, but i would say that your body and mind are so very capable of adapting to new things & even if you end up not liking some parts of hrt you will be able to deal with them and move on, and most of the things that are nerve-wracking end up being fine. its super super scary to try taking hrt since so much is permanent changes to your body. but you can always take a low dose to make the changes happen slower, and like i said you get used to things way easier than you think you will.

i was really really really scared and uncertain when i started T, but i’m so glad i made the jump to do it! i could never have imagined how much it would improve my life! there were so many things i was terrified of - doing irreparable “damage” to my body, regretting it, being read as male, certain specific physical effects, etc. i also didn’t know anybody irl who took T, just my beautiful lovely trans woman friend who started E years ago while we were friends, so seeing her go through the process inspired me a lot. we r both so sexy now like we were sexy before but honestly hrt has made us unstoppable & i love it for us. i definitely couldn’t have done it without her support. i’m getting off track, my point was that i didn’t know anybody on T so i couldn’t see firsthand what it was like, i was basically my own experiment, and it was so scary. but eventually i reached the mindset of “i’m so fucking miserable and something needs to change and i’m not 100% certain it’s this but i need to try because i can’t spend the rest of my life wondering about it and if i do end up hating it i’ll just fucking deal with it from there” i would def recommend being more certain than i was but i do think theres a lot about hrt you just wont know how youll react to until it happens. above all my fears, i just wanted it, and all my fears were very surface-level (what if i hate my body [i already hate my body] what if i hate how people percieve me [i already hate how people percieve me] what if it makes me miserable [i’m already miserable] what if i regret taking it [what if i regret not taking it or i miss out on an opportunity to be happy] )

i cant tell you if T is the right choice for you, but i can tell you that i also had fears and uncertainties before starting, and that if you do end up hating it you’ll be able to adapt.

[laboflove]

Oikawa & Iwa X FR

•Aged up•

Word Count- 2363

❗Warnings❗{Smut, angst, praising, infatuation, ridiculing, cheating, body shaming}

A/N: Thicc Y/N who's dating Oikawa and although he says he loves her it doesnt seem that way.

He smiles as he sees your eyebrows pushed together, you were always so cute when you were angry, he just wanted to keep making fun of you to see that face. "Tooru" you suddenly say making his smile fade, "Yeah?" He says confused and your phone buzzes, "Nevermind, I have to go, Iwa is here" you say then kiss his cheek before leaving.

A frown forms on his face as he sees you walk off, you were always hanging out with Iwaizumi. It made him mad because you were HIS girlfriend not Iwaizumi's. He huffs then leaves as well, whatever, hed just make you remember how great it is to date him.

You walk in to find him on your bed and he smiles, "Hey" you both say, you climb onto the bed forgetting about today at work and he pulls you onto his chest. "Did you gain weight? Damn" he says with a chuckle making the thoughts come back, "I think, I'll lose it dont worry" you whisper as you move off and onto the side.

He pulls you close, his hands trailing your body making you anxious, you werent skinny like other girls, you had curves and Oikawa would always tease you about it, middle school to now and you always tried to lose weight but youd gain it back. An endless cycle and honestly the last thing you wanted right now was for him to be touching you like this.

Yet you dont stop him, instead closing your eyes and trying to fall asleep but his hands get more touchy, soon enough spreading your legs. "Not tonight Tooru" and his frown appears again, that's the second time this week you've called him that. "Okay" he says then turns around and you both fall asleep, one angry and confused and the other filled with dark thoughts.

"I just dont understand, shes been calling me Tooru this entire week, why?" He says as he passes the ball to Iwa, "Its your name" He says making him huff. He knew it was his name but you've never called him that before, so why now?!

"I dont like it, she never calls me that so why now? Did I do something wrong?" He says and Iwa stops, "You always make fun of her, im surprised she hasn't dumped you yet" and Oikawa's mouth goes dry. His biggest worry, something he never wants to happen, for you two to break up, you meant everything to him, youd always lift him up, give him pointers and take care of him. You couldn't leave him, you're all he had.

"S-she knows I'm just kidding, I don't mean any of it" he says then the ball flies towards him, "Iwa-!", "It always sounds like you mean it, you tell her shes fat, that shes not pretty enough, that she isnt smart, terrible shit but you never say that you're just kidding. Even then you shouldnt say shit like that to someone who already deals with criticism as it is, you especially shouldn't say it to her because shes your goddam girlfriend" he leaves and Oikawa clenches his fists.

"Hey!" And he looks back, "Do you like her?!" He yells out earning a nod making his blood boil, "I've liked her since middle school, even more in high school and the most right now, but she made the stupidest decision on dating you" and he walks off again.

"Youd never leave me right?" He asks as he rests his head on your chest, you dont answer making him look up with dim eyes, "You would?" He asks and you sigh, "If something were to happen yes but just breaking up with you for no reason would not happen" and he nods. "Um, what would be the reason?" He whispers remembering the conversation with Iwa, "If one of us cheats, I'd never do it but well..." you stop and he looks up at you.

"I-im sorry, I'll never hurt you like that ever again, so please dont leave me" you nod then place a kiss on his head.

He looks back at the tv but hes barely focusing on it, only remembering that night. He was drunk, saying terrible stuff and when he woke up he found you in front of him, sitting down, looking super tired and your eyes were so dry and red. He didnt know why till he looked around and found unfamiliar clothes, women's clothes.

You didnt talk to him about it, none of you brought it up and soon you were both back to normal but he knew that all trust created was gone.

His thoughts are broken by the familiar buzz pattern and you pull the phone to your ear, "Hey" you say with a smile, why cant you smile like that when you talk to him? Why doesnt your voice get all cute and soft with him? Why is it only with Iwa?

"Oh I'm with Oikawa" you say as your hand runs through his hair, he smiles and even more as you rest it on his cheek. "I-iwa" your hand twitches slightly and he can feel your aura change, "Dont call me until your done with that crap, God, you're worse than Oikawa" you put your phone down and he looks up at you.

"What's wrong?" He asks but you shake your head, "Its nothing, just Iwa being a bit of an asshole" he nods and you look at the tv.

"He doesnt love you, he says all that shit which he shouldnt be saying, what if he cheats on you again huh? "

You let out a sigh then close your eyes, uh oh, you're pissed.

"Hey" you hear, turning around you see them and shoot a smile, "Hey guys" you say as you slowly come to a stop. "Whatre you doing here?" One asks, "Oh uh well you know working out" you say and they nod. "Any specific reason? You look perfect already" you laugh making them confused, "Yeah right, if I was Oikawa wouldnt judge me 24/7" you say and they tilt their heads.

"Anyways, I'm gonna get back to this" you say with a small smile and they head to the other side, "Whatre you thinking?" Akaashi asks as Bokuto glares in your direction. "I'm thinking that I want to kill Oikawa", "As much as I'd love to help you do that, its illegal" he says and he huffs. "Only if i get caught".

"Whatre you doing?" He asks as his arms wrap around your waist, you step off and you smile, "Yes" you say and he rubs your stomach, it's not as squishy as before. "I finally lost 15 pounds" you whisper with a large smile and although he should be congratulating you it doesnt make sense. "Whyd you lose weight?" He asks and you look back, "For you, you wanted me to lose it remember?" You say and he looks at you in the mirror.

"I'll love you no matter what", "Haha, yeah right Mr. I want a trophy wife who's beautiful and perfect" you say then move away, his heart clenches hearing you say the words he regrets telling you. He didn't want anyone but you.

"Y-you know I love you right?" He says and you look at him, you dont say anything making his heart break. "I do Tooru, it's just hard to believe" and he looks down, "Okay".

"Y/N" he says for the thousandth time this night, "Are you even listening to me?! It's like you dont care about me! You're always off with Iwaizumi doing God knows what! Why cant you just love me! Only me!" The tears keep falling but you dont look back and you dont let a sob escape. For three days it's been like this, him finding anything to ridicule about and making sure you knew how terrible of a girlfriend you were.

You stand then look at the tree your parents gave you, well it was meant for both of you, something to resemble your love for each other, always growing and alive till death.

A sigh escapes your lips and you walks up to it, "Just as I suspec-", "If I cut this down does that mean were done too?" You ask surprising him. "What does that mean?" He asks and you turn to look at him, "I want to break up" and he looks down. You're crying, you're actually crying, hes never seen you cry, you always refused to look at him whenever you did so hes never got to see it and he wishes he never did.

"Why?", "Why? Why?! Why else Tooru?! Every second I spend with you hurts me! The love in our relationship cant even compare to the amount of pain there is! You give me so much shit and i try to be better, i try to become someone perfect for you but theres always something! I dont love Iwa like I love you! I never have! I only love you but it's like you dont think i do! Even though you're the one that cheated! You're the one that broke the trust! I should've broke up with you before!" You cover your mouth realizing what you just said and you look away.

You were right but why did you say all that stuff to him, he looks at you but quickly looks away. "I'm leaving" you say then rush past him, "W-where are you going?" He asks as he follows you upstairs, you couldn't leave, not like this. He has to say sorry, he has to fix it, he cant lose you!

"I dont know but I cant stay here" you pack stuff up as you avoid his hands, "No" he suddenly says as you reach for the front door. "Bye" you leave in a rush and he looks around, "NO! GET BACK HERE!" and he falls to ground. It actually happened, you left him, you left him and it's his fault, who's going to love him now? Who's going to help him when he gets sick and who's he going to tease?

He leans in as he holds you close, "I love you" he whispers but you stop him, "Its been two months yet you still push me away", "I didnt have sex with Tooru till we were five months in" you say but he doesnt stop, "Oh c'mon, you know you want to so ju-", "Can you stop? I'm really not in the mood for anything like this" you say as you push his hands away from your stomach and thighs.

"Oh I get it" he says as he pins your hands above your head, "You think I'm like Oikawa, that I'll point out your flaws, that I'll think you're ugly, that I dont actually want you" he says into your ear and you look away, he was right and you both knew that. "Well guess what, we all have flaws, I dont think you're ugly and damn do I want you" he kisses you hard but your squirm in his embrace.

"N-no Iwa stop" you let out with a soft moan as he rubs his knee against your clothed heat, "Why? We both want this, you just cant admit it" his tongue trails up your neck as you resist him only making him want you more. "So soft and you always smell so good" he murmurs as you grind against his knee although your mind is saying you dont want this.

"So pretty, especially these moans" desperate whines leave your mouth as he slowly undresses you, "Heh, I think we should take this to the bed" he says as he looks down at your naked body.

Your arms cover yourself as much as they can as he lifts you bridal style, "M-maybe we should wait, i-i should lose a few m-", "Shut the hell up or else I will tie you up" you nod fast and he places you on the bed. "Fuck me" you turn red seeing his eyes take you in, he reaches for his shirt and you move up to help him but he pushes you down making you bounce a bit.

"Stay right there" he undresses as you watch, once hes done he spreads your legs making your body heat up and filling you with so many emotions. "So perfect" he says as he pushes in slowly, you hiss slightly at the feeling you havent felt in such a long time. "Ah- no, Haji-!" He thrusts harder and faster making the frame hit the wall, over and over.

"So warm, so tight and it feels so good" moans leave his mouth making you bite your lip, this felt so different, way too different. "Dont think about him" he says as he thrusts hard sending your eyes wide open, "I-I dont know how he fucked you, or if hes a goddamn sub but dont! Fucking! Think about him!" He growls out with a thrust each time, feeling angry that even now you're still thinking about him. "Sorrysorrysorry!"

Pants leave his mouth as cries leave yours, "God I love you, I love you so much" he mutters as he looks at your pink cheeks and tears falling down your face, he lowers next to your ear as one hand holds your thigh as the other holds your head close to him. "I love the way you just clamp around me" his hips slow down, grinding against you, "I feel like coming every time I thrust into you, that's how good you feel" you tighten around him as the praises keep coming.

Why did this feel so good? Just his words were getting you there and it was so embarrassing that he made you feel this way. "I just cant believe that the woman I've loved since I was 13 is finally mine, that were here together and you're in my arms" he stops to kiss you and you sniffle slightly, "You can come now" a soft cry fills the room as you come and he thrusts a bit more leading to groans and a warm feeling in your core.

"You're mine, only mine".

[mushroommushy]

Enter Bunnix

Evillustrator

#VoteMrsBustierBestTeacher

- Nathaniel’s birthday!

- He’s 15 now as well

- Really only the other rich kids know that it’s his birthday

- Mostly because he gets a bit overwhelmed with large amounts of attention on him

- He’s shy, let him be quiet in the back where he doesn’t get in trouble

- Because tomato here has some good o’l ✨trauma and daddy issues✨

- Nathaniel has a huge crush on Mari here

Alix: Nath, you have a crush on anyone that’s nice to you that you don’t consider family

Nathaniel, immediately: That’s not true!

- It is

- Nathaniel has internalized homophobia

- Not to say he’s rude to people who are gay!

- He just won’t let himself accept that he is gay

- Because he knows he would probably be sent away by his dad

- Alix managed to get her hands on a 72 piece set of copic markers and honestly

- Nathaniel wasn’t even surprised

- Chloe nearly made her dad buy Nathaniel a fucking house for his art on his birthday since it’s his stress reliever

- And god knows how much he needs to destress

- The poor boy literally uses every excuse he can to avoid his dad and stays at the school until it’s closed

- His dad is a heavy drinker, and is a violent drunk

- He has assaulted Nathaniel before

- He doesn’t have a mom, as she divorced his dad when he was little

- His dad didn’t even really raise him, blaming him for the divorce

- Even though he was the one that was cheating

- Alim has called him out on this several times

- Nathaniel considers Alim as his father as he raised him more than his bio dad

- Nath is also a history buff because of this

- Especially when it comes to historical art pieces

- Him and Alix have been caught clinging to each other regularly because that’s just a thing with Kubdels

- They will cling to you

- Nathaniel was drawing in science class and Mrs. Mendeleiev yelled at him for it

- She called him out on failing science to literally everyone else in the class room

- And then proceeded to insult his art harshly and send him to the principals office

- Alix was sitting next to Sabrina, who was having to grab her wrist so she didn’t jump out of her seat and break her nose

Sabrina: I would love to let you go and let you go feral on her but I don’t want you getting in trouble. But trust me, it’s tempting.

- Sabrina was really tempted to let her do that though as she was pissed too

- Chloe was not being restrained by Max however, and proceeded to absolutely destroy Mendeleiev for slandering Nathaniel

- Most of the class was pretty startled about this, since they had assumed she didn’t really care about anyone after Dark Cupid

- Marinette came in late, so she didn’t see Mendeleiev yell at Nathaniel

- Nathaniel was akumatized into Evillustator, with the goal of proving how good of an artist he is

- Marinette was in the group with Chloe and Sabrina

- Alix was partnered with Max and Kim

- Alix didn’t miss Alya saying unlucky and glared at her for it

- Chloe did ask if her and Sabrina could work alone but was still denied

- Marinette was not looking forward to working with them and was miserable, expecting to have to do all the work

- Chloe and Sabrina however, offered to split the work evenly between them

- Marinette didn’t believe them but agreed to it anyway

- Chloe was a little bummed about Alix not being in their group

Chloe: I wish Ally-kins was in our group. I suck at science.

Sabrina: Alix is who we want for history, not science.

- Marinette mistakes this for them using Alix for good grades because she’s smart and she ends up disliking them even more

- She makes a mental note to try and keep Alix away from them so they can’t use her

- Sabrina has more of a personality compared to canon

- She isn’t a pushover, and doesn’t do Chloe’s homework for her

- But she is extremely smart, able to complete complex math problems in seconds

- Sabrina however is hyper and gets excited when she has a new friend

- Chloe is just snickering as she circles Marinette like a puppy

- The three of them end up working in the library for a little while

- Sabrina was muttering about how she was annoyed that she wasn’t able to give Nathaniel his present

Marinette: Present?

Sabrina: It’s his 15th birthday today! Alix already gave him some copics. I had gotten him a new tablet that came with an apple pen since he’s been wanting one.

Chloe: He wouldn’t let me get him a studio, so I just got him one of the Limited Edition Graf von Faber-Castell pencils.

Sabrina, choking: How did you get your hands on one?! Theres 10 and they cost $12, 800 each!

- Cue Marinette cursing and wondering why she didn’t know that and why the hell they spent so much money

- Chloe still gave Sabrina the hat because she had it on her

- Mendeleiev was in the courtyard when a giant Bunsen Burned started chasing her

- Alix had peaked out of the art room to see that

- She was with Max and Kim still though and couldn’t transform

- Chat Noir showed up, destroying the Bunsen Burner and looking around for the cause

-Evillustrator was on the second floor and rolled his eyes when Chat spotted him

- Chat was noticeably upset realizing it was Nathaniel who was akumatized

- Ladybug showed up soon after and both ran into a wall

- Alix was a little freaked out about the situation and super worried about him

- She had just had to sit out on fighting her brother now it’s her best friend?

- Chloe was clearly worried as well and nearly screamed when Evillustrator popped up for a moment to hug her and Sabrina

- Sabrina did actually scream

- He left before Ladybug and Chat got after them

- Ladybug was quite angry with them, assuming that Chloe was the reason that he was akumatized

Ladybug: You got another person akumatized? This is the second one!

Sabrina: Hey, Chloe didn’t do anything to Nathaniel! She defended him! Mrs. Mendeleiev is the one who hurt his feelings!

- Bunnix showed up and Chloe fangirled immediately

- She doesn’t like Ladybug as much with the false accusation and assuming

- But didn’t blame her too much as she wasn’t aware

- Ladybug just sighed and went home, detransforming in her room at the same moment Evillustrator came in

- She nearly hit him with a peel

- Marinette didn’t really know how to react about the fact he had a crush on her

- I mean, she barely knew Nathaniel

- She didn’t even know that it was his birthday

- She did agree to coming to his birthday party, feeling bad

- Then noticed that his iPad was buzzing like crazy

Marinette: Your iPad seems to be getting notifications quite a bit

Evillustrator: Huh?

You have 7 missed calls

Alix Kubdel: Nath, please where are you. You’re making me scared.

Adrien Agreste: Nathaniel? Please, answer. We’re here for you.

Sabrina Raincomprix: We’ll make sure Mendeleiev is punished for this! We all love you very much.

Chloe Bourgeois: This isn’t your fault Nath. I’ll get daddy to do something, I promise.

Jalil Kubdel: You ok little brother? You can stay with us tonight. You don’t have to deal with the scumbag. We’ll keep you safe, always. I heard you were akumatized. You’ll be ok soon, I promise.

- He actually started crying

- He didn’t realize that they cared so much

- Marinette had texted Alix that Evillustrator was in her room

- She got close to the bakery as Bunnix and then detransformed

- She had tackle hugged Evillustrator as soon as she got to the room

- Hawkmoth of course was screaming in his head to attack

- But this only made him even more irritated with Hawkmoth, Nathaniel being able to shove down his negative emotions

- This is how he managed to become the first person ever to break akumatization on his own

- Both Alix and Marinette of course were shocked

- They didn’t even know that was possible

Alix: I..Nath..

Nathaniel, coughing with a smile: Love you too sis.

- Marinette trapped the Akuma in a glass bowl so it couldn’t escape and cause a stone heart situation

- Alix was so incredibly proud of him and hugged him even tighter

- Marinette joined in on this too

- When Chat reached the scene, he was stunned

Chat Noir: Did you two break the object?

Alix: Nope..he rejected it himself.

- Alix was so freaking proud of him

- Nathaniel ended up staying with the Kubdels that night instead

- Alim had even gotten him a gift and planned a trip for his birthday

- They watched Nathaniel’s favorite movie, ignoring Nathaniel’s dad the whole night

- The class had crowded him with questions on how he broke akumatization

- Which he just answered by saying that he loved his family enough

- Chloe got her dad to fine Mendeleiev too