#i missed doing some proper comics anyway

[esmiara]

Love confess-...oh!

Kind of a "sequel" to this, but it's really just about that one scene in fifteen.

[genericpuff]

i had a post in the works talking about some of my personal life shit and the things i'm looking to do with rekindled this year to help make personal life shit easier aaand then i fell asleep for a nap and when i woke up Rachel announced that LO was ending in less than 10 episodes ??

sooo yeah i'm officially saving that post for later, because LO is officially ending, with an actual end date. It does mean that it's not ending at the start of Spring like my initial prediction, which is a bummer (because that would have been really cool LMAOOO) but it does mean it gets to go on long enough to resolve the current plot arc. As for every other plotline in the story... yeah, those aren't getting wrapped up, at least not in any way that could be satisfying.

For over the last year LO has been a series of "wait seriously???" and this is yet another, though it's kind of different this time. We knew the end was coming and practically begging for Rachel to pick an end date because for many, following along with this comic has become a Sisyphean task week after week. It's bittersweet in a way, but . . . I also kinda don't feel anything? Maybe it's just my 'tism, maybe it's just the fact that I'm so tired of following this series, but I just... don't feel joy, but I don't feel dread. It's ending and that's that. As all things come and go in life, some day there won't be any more LO, and that day is May 11th.

I will miss the weekly readalongs that I would do with pals, the memes we'd make out of the new material, but I don't think I'm going to miss the comic and everything it said and did. At this point reading LO feels like watching a horse struggle to breathe and you're just begging the farmer to put it out of its misery, but the farmer thinks "No no, it'll be fine! It'll get back up in no time!" and it's like... no, it desperately needs to be put to rest 💀

I still have my two drafts stowed away, both on opposing sides of the fence depending on how LO turns out-

-and now we finally have an end date on when those essays will be written.

I don't know how I feel yet about it ending. These are complicated feelings to sort through regarding a comic that's basically been my life for the last few years, even before I turned into a critic of it. I'm just glad there's a light at the end of the tunnel. And I'm glad even my "love to hate it" energy has been waning on it the past few weeks anyways so that the end of it all can feel as painless as possible LOL Don't get me wrong, there will still be plenty to discuss after the comic, I don't think the antiLO/ULO community will just disappear into a puff of smoke as soon as LO is over, but I think a lot of us are also equally relieved that the comic made it this easy to stop reading and that it now has an end point.

And most of all, I'm hoping that whatever ending the comic brings, even if it just winds up being the S2 finale all over again for the critics, is still satisfying for the fans who have stuck around with it this long. The people who have loved this comic through it all at least deserve a proper send-off and I really hope Rachel gives it to them.

As for me... I'm not going anywhere, but it's been nice to stuff the overflowing clothes of LO back into its drawer within my brain. I want to make room for other drawers, other things, other pieces of work that will undoubtedly bring me more joy and entertainment. I don't know what yet, but it's nice to know the drawers aren't overflowing anymore.

And that's all I'm gonna say on that.

[avelera]

Headcanon: ADHD Hob and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

So I went down the rabbithole on ADHD and rejection sensitivity dysphoria (and found this lecture that legit made me tear up if you have or think you have ADHD, go listen to it here) and it got me thinking, as everything is wont to do, about Hob Gadling and how if he had ADHD, which I think there's lots of fun in-text hints at that at least allow that interpretation, what are some other ways that could manifest besides his ebullient and never-ending love of life in all its endless variety?

So as sufferers of ADHD know, it's not all fun and games. The flip side of living with a dopamine-starved brain that's always seeking out new experiences and seeing the world through that lens is that other emotions slam us hard too, like rejection sensitivity dysphoria aka, "the most minor criticism can feel like an actual knife in the chest, no I don't mean mildly bummed out, I mean full on fight-or-flight brain meltdown because someone told you a comma is in the wrong place in your manuscript (not that I'm speaking from personal experience yes it's that dumb)".

ANYWAY, so I'm thinking about Hob and RSD and specifically 1789.

Specifically the line, "It's just how it's done," referring to horrific practice of human trafficking and how Hob basically shrugs while, to his minor credit, looking suddenly uncomfortable and guilty, about the fact he actively profits from this industry, and the way he cringes in on himself when called out kinda seems to indicate that he knows it's a vile practice and isn't super comfortable with being reminded of his fact by someone he respects, like Dream.

A couple notes on that little exchange between Hob and Dream:

1 ) The face Ferdinand Kingsley-as-Hob makes in that moment is absolute textbook adult ADHD rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Namely, the point where you know criticism hits you like a knife in the heart, particularly from people you respect, and you just have to cover that flinch of literal physical pain with a careful poker face.

The way Hob's tone suddenly goes cold and with his very genteel, received-pronunciation manners he levels Dream with perhaps the closest he's ever come at this point to lashing out, "You're giving me advice...?"

I'm not saying that canonically it's RSD, or that neurotypical people don't suffer pain and disappointment when receiving disapproval, but to my eyes at least, Ferdie Hob takes Dream's comment very seriously, much more so than the comic counterpart did (who needed multiple nudges before he even realized what Dream was trying to tell him about getting out of the shipping business and still seemed a bit clueless about why Dream would want that or care by the end).

2 ) Going into proper headcanon territory, I personally chart Hob's journey from destitute to wealthy slave trader as the product of someone who stopped giving a shit about others after everything he suffered in the 1600s. To be perfectly clear, this is not a fucking excuse for it, it's an examination of motives.

Because technically, after everything Hob suffered in the 1600s, he could have emerged with more empathy for the plight of others. But clearly that didn't happen. From an entirely human motivation level, that leads me personally to the conclusion that since no one helped Hob when he was at his lowest (not even Dream, though I dearly wish it was otherwise and wrote extensively on what would have happened if he had) that led him to the belief, put simply, that fuck the world so long as he got his. Why should he care about anyone else if no one cared about him?

But to go back to the topic of this essay, RSD, there's an additional element to that theory on why and how Hob leaned into not giving a shit about others, and that missing factor from what's described above is the element of everyone is doing it. Specifically worded as, "It's just how it's done."

Another really fascinating lecture I listened to on ADHD talked about how the most common trauma reaction ADHDers have to their sense of rejection, shame, and guilt that comes the way our brains react to the world is by hiding. And that also got me thinking about 1789 Hob in this context.

Because Hob as we see him in 1589 is loud in his happiness. He's sitting there, bold as brass in the middle of the White Horse, showing off his wealth with a banquet, loudly declaiming about how he pretended to be his own son twice, worked in the Tudor shipyards (what would have been 50+ years before) and just how he spent the last 100 years working his way up to his knighthood. The man does not have an ounce of caution in him. But, he is also by far the happiest we ever see Hob (up until Dream ditches him in the middle of their date).

This is important because to my eyes, Hob is living openly and unashamed and with only the barest hint of caution typified by pretending to be his own son every couple decades. The way he describes his last 100 years sounds like an ADHD dream, basically getting a boat load of money from Caxton's printing press (basically the first tech startup unicorn of the modern era) and then running around wherever his interests took him where he also made money hand over fist, kept climbing, and eventually reached the point where he could purchase the acclaim and regard of a member of the (albeit minor) nobility. All of this after being born a peasant. That's just validation and money and prestige and getting to pursue your special interest and live as your authentic self all over the place. And I do mean authentic, Hob doesn't even seem particularly worried about talking openly in the White Horse about being 200+ years old, a strong case could be made that he's not that careful in his personal life either.

So anyway, Hob has this amazing century literally followed by the worst century imaginable, filled with the sort of horrors that can tear a man's soul asunder. Losing his family, his beloved wife in childbirth with their new baby, his adult son, his home, his money, everything he spent a century building. His title and name are gone too because of the nature of how he lost it with the accusation of witch craft, which also means he can't just fake being his own son again to get it all back because they're explicitly going to notice that this time.

And how did this all happen? Because Hob got noticed. He lived there 40 years, overconfident is his own words. Which is a wild thing to say about a bunch of witch hunters showing up at his door! He blames himself for being drowned as a witch. On the one hand, I imagine he has to think that way because otherwise he has to admit to the sheer brutal randomness of life, so in a way he's trying to take control of the narrative by blaming himself.

But it also smacks of ADHD again because ADHDers very commonly shift the blame onto themselves after years of their unique nervous system response making them a round peg in a square hole of wider society. We learn over and over that the mistakes we make are our fault, because of "laziness" or "apathy" which isn't apathy at all but deep agony over our inability to accomplish tasks in a neurotypical way without the support we need, but I digress. But it sure sounds like Hob may have been paralyzed by grief for literal decades and then blamed himself for not getting the mental spoons together in that context to move on and reinvent his life after losing his wife and child. Which would be a very ADHD thing to do.

So after this absolutely brutal smackdown by reality for living too openly, too loud, too ADHD, getting paralyzed by the powerful emotions he felt (if we follow the headcanon) over the grief and loss in his life, what is Hob's next step?

Hiding.

Blending in.

Not rocking the boat.

And again, not excusing it, there's plenty of other industries he could have gone into to blend in that didn't involve human trafficking. That said, if he went to sea, which we know Hob did on many occasions from the comic, it would be seen by his peers there at sea as a normal way to make one's fortune, and then.... well, we have as evidence that this is his current peer-group the sort-of pride with which Hob announces how he's making his fortune these days in the "shipping business", as if he's expecting Dream's approval.

That to me, reads a bit like the people pleaser/social chameleon aspect of ADHD. Hob is expecting to be praised for being successful by Dream the way he would likely be praised by his peers in the shipping business or among the wealthy privileged men of England. He's so steeped in that world now that he's clearly taken aback when Dream takes the (at the time more radical but not uncommon) stance of, "This is wrong."

And Hob knew it. But he was blending in. He was going along with how things are done. He wasn't rocking the boat. He has other hints at trauma responses too, "salting money around the world" in case there's political upheaval, for example. This is not the loud, boisterous Sir Robert Gadlen untouched by loss or trauma. He has been humbled and tempered and, indeed, made afraid by what happened to him.

This sort of wild swing towards protectiveness? Again, also ADHD. As the lecturer I linked first noted, ADHDers are textbook defenders. They are always defending themselves from the world that can suddenly, unexpectedly, plant a knife in their heart because of a perceived rejection. From a world that wants their brain to work in a way it doesn't, so they have to come up with myriad painful coping mechanisms to fit in, blend in, mask, and function. Hob was forced to protect himself after the 1600s, so he did, with money, and with not caring about other people, and with insulating himself from privilege, and becoming a social chameleon.

1589 Hob tries to earn back Dream's interest, but he doesn't fawn. Dream shows interest in Shaxberd and Hob, already starting to get irritated, tells him no, Shaxberd is crap.

And you can tell in 1789 that Hob is thinking about that day again when he gets Dream's disapproval, because who does he reference? That lad, Will Shaxberd. He's fearing rejection and abandonment again, or at least it's crossed his mind after Dream's admonishment. But this time, Hob is fawning more, very nearly flirting. He's trying to play the game better this time, trying to keep Dream's interest, social chameleoning the subject onto safer topics, things he thinks will interest Dream, as Shaxberd so clearly did, so let's talk about him if that's what you care about. Again, another ADHD social chameleon, people pleaser aspect. We are nervous empaths, we are constantly picking up a bazillion signals both real and imagined. And we're so fucking terrified of that RSD knife in the heart, we become people pleasers to avoid it. After the shipping business brag fell through, Hob pivots to talking about Dream and what, in his experience, Dream seems to like and talk about favorably.

So anyway, many many ADHD-esque rambling words later, there's a few more little details I'd add to the list of "possible ADHD behavior, not just the fun parts" for Hob Gadling. Is it canon? Maybe not. But it does make for a great headcanon, in my opinion.

[rassvetsky]

Bittersweet

bucky barnes x fem!reader

"When it's just you, Bucky & Alpine in the Barnes residence; time seems to stop, only allowing for heartfelt confessions and kisses to be exchanged."

[2k] | teeth rotting fluff, domestic couple, alpine being the princess she is, emotional conversations & kisses. somewhere in between comics!bucky & mcu!bucky but only conceptually, no spoilers. might do more parts on this little universe because it's so cute

reblog and/or like for a kiss, feedback much appreciated! not proofread.

When it's just you, Bucky & Alpine in the Barnes residence; time seems to stop.

The car horns blaring through the city drown out in the warmth your shared bed carries; your body tucked close to Bucky's as he hugged you from behind, watching the way Alpine's soft purrs got quieter and quieter until she eventually fell asleep, whiskers pushed back with each stroke of the back of your fingers against her fluffy cheek.

The early morning sun fell on both his arm and the cat's white fur, as the metal fingers moved forward a bit on top of your waist to brush through her soft coat over your palm, before finally giving in to his original intent and getting a hold of your hand instead. He was half-naked behind you, barely had the energy to change out of his suit after returning from his mission because he could swear that seeing both of his favourite girls sprawled across the bed knocked the breath right out of his chest.

"I took her to the vet yesterday," you whispered, careful as to not wake Alpine up. "Did some parasitary stuff, it was time for those, apparently. I also wanted her to get the combination vaccine since she was supposed to get it a few weeks ago, but they ran out."

Bucky hummed as a response, urging you to continue.

"Picked up some treats for her too, and some toys. She met a puppy at the waiting room, they got along great except for the part where she just- slapped the living shit out of him for trying to sniff her butt."

Bucky's laugh startled the cat and you sent him a glare, causing him to whisper out an apology and return to caressing her fur. "She's just like you, it's uncanny." he chuckled, making you sigh and curl yourself closer to him. "Lovely and all but still badass."

"Why thank you, Mr. Barnes," you mumbled sleepily. "I'm merely doing my job, raising our love-child."

He chuckled again, slowly pushing himself further up to his elbow just so he could reach in and press his lips against the side of your lips. You couldn't help the way they tugged upwards with a smile. "You should go back to sleep. I'm sorry for waking you up so early."

You shook your head to both sides almost immediately after. "No, no need. I missed you anyway."

"Really? Seems like you'd rather watch Alpine sleep than give me a proper hug."

"Oh, shut up," you giggled, slowly turning on your spot to face him. He was hovering over you slightly, still leaning on his elbow to watch both of you. "I just got overwhelmed for a second when you came back. I get emotional as shit waiting for you, Buck."

His features softened at that, before he reached in to place a soft kiss on your forehead. "I'm sorry." he whispered, free arm going up to caress your cheek instead, this time. "But how am I supposed to know? You bully me through it all the time."

"It's a coping mechanism!" you whisper-yelled, rolling your eyes carefully when he started laughing. "Laugh all you want, Barnes."

"Sorry, sorry," he apologized again, gentle eyes flickering through every single centimeter of your face, almost as if he wanted to memorize all of you. "I missed you too, sweetheart. Miss you so bad wherever I go."

Your hands mimicked his when you brought them up to cup his face, feeling his stubble under your fingertips as you traced the outline of his lips with your fingers. "I love you so much that it hurts, Bucky."

"I know the feeling." his sheepish grin was replaced by a bittersweet one. "Whenever I look at you, I- I just think, how did I get so lucky? How did I end up with this… Absolutely perfect person, how did I get to hold her each night?"

"You're one lucky bastard, that's why." you chuckled to yourself, earning a heartfelt snicker from him. "I feel the same way. Whenever you walk out of that door, I worry myself to death. I swear, I walk around with a knot in my stomach for days until you return because- I genuinely have no idea what I would do without you. My heart, my mind, my soul- it's all just so full of you."

Bucky knew that he was loved. Oh boy, he was loved well, he was loved to death. He could feel his eyes dampening a little, salty tears stinging his eyes as he reached for you again, covering your face with butterfly kisses, leaving no spot unkissed. He shamelessly dropped his weight on top of you afterwards, smothering you with himself and his love, as he buried his head on your neck.

There was no way that you could ever complain.

"I taught Alpine how to sit on command, by the way."

His laugh didn't help the way a single tear escaped your eyes, but you didn't mind crying out of love. "Stop training my girl, she's an independent feline."

"She's an independent and greedy feline. Would do anything for a treat, I bet I could teach her how to do those dog-show tricks with enough food involved."

"Show me when I wake up, m'kay?" he asked, voice laced with exhaustion finally breaking through. "And- teach her how to give paw. Without claws."

"I tried. My hand still looks like it went through the garbage disposal."

Bucky woke up a few hours later than you, to an empty bed. Heavy patter of sock-clad feet resonated through the small apartment as he made his way over to the kitchen, pulling an appreciative hum out of you when he wrapped his arms around the back of your busy figure. You were already done with the dishes when he came, thankfully, knowing very well that no matter how exhausted he was, he'd take the task from you.

You leaned back on him, basking on his warmth while he watched you wash off the remaining soap from your hands, patting them on the nearest towel. "Morning, sunshine." you chuckled, slowly turning around in his hold to smile up at him. "Slept well?"

"Yeah, except for the part where you abandoned me." a playful pout was on his lips as he spoke, pulling you closer as if you'd vanish from his hold if he didn't feel you tighter against him. "It was traumatizing, you see."

"Oh quit being so dramatic," you rolled your eyes playfully before attempting to push him off of you. He didn't budge, though, instead leaning close with his lips dangerously close to yours. "I was gonna bring you some fruit."

"That can wait," he shrugged, reaching in for a temptative peck. He leaned in even closer when you didn't complain, lips brushing against yours to invite you in. You gave in embarrassingly fast, lips molding to his in a gentle kiss as you held onto the counter behind you, his warm hands cupping your cheeks to guide you through it.

Bucky has always been a gentle lover, and it specifically showed in the way he held you, no matter how desperate he was to have your lips trapped between his. He was slow- giving you chances here and there to catch your breath as his own lips traveled a bit south, leaving soft kisses at their wake as they toured your neck. You could feel his smile against you, that lazy and appreciative smile of his which you loved so much, always attempting to pull that out of him.

The breaking factor of your kiss was the way Alpine meowed to get your attention, alerting you of her feeding time with rather unpleasantly loud sounds. "Oh wow," Bucky pulled away a little with a laugh, lips wet with a mixture of both your salivas- he didn't care much. "Seriously, baby girl? Couldn't see that we're busy over here?"

"She's traumatized enough," you reached in for one last kiss, the short peck clearly not enough for Bucky as he tried to follow your lips. You pushed him away with a playful laugh before walking towards Alpine's food bowl, her slim white figure swaying happily by your side. "Sorry, baby. Blame your daddy, not me." you hummed, pulling out her bag of food and ignoring the way Bucky teased you right back, focusing on filling her bowl instead.

You pushed yourself up to your feet with a grunt when Alpine got occupied with her food, noticing the way Bucky seemed to melt into the comfort of the couch. "You're still all stiff, aren't you?" you cooed, earning a slight nod from him. "I'll run us a bath."

Warm water did wonders to muscles, sore from your office job, and in Bucky's case, from days worth of constant anxiety upon willingly facing risks. Your chest against his back, the two of you eased in the silence, as you trailed kisses through both of his arms. He reached his metal arm out when you held onto it, admiring the way your soft flesh contrasted with the dark vibranium before intertwining your fingers.

"I don't remember a lot about my mom," he whispered softly, a sigh following right after. "It's mostly just my father. He passed away when I was in my early twenties, a few years before I was deployed." you gave his flesh hand a slight squeeze, knowing that he didn't like to talk about the past that much.

"Yet, sometimes I find myself wishing that you could've met him. He wasn't- well, he was a bit strict at times but he always told me to never let go of a woman who loves me, and to hold her to death if that's where it all goes." he chuckled, as you smiled a bit, watching the water moving along with him. "He'd scold me for not taking these things seriously but now I know what he meant. I hope he got to feel the same way that I do now, when he was with my mother."

"He'd be incredibly proud of you, Bucky." you held his arm closer against your chest, rubbing it soothingly. "For the man you've become. A good man."

"I like to imagine that." yet another sigh escaped him. "After I got back to my senses, out of HYDRA, I felt so… Lost. No family or friends, not even an acquaintance except for Steve and- you know, he had his own stuff to do. Captain America and his responsibilities, all that. I wanted to hold onto him so tight but at the same time, I felt guilty that I'd be holding a hero back. It didn't feel safe, comfortable or even just decent with anyone else- until, well, fate brought you to me."

You closed your eyes, heart feeling warmer than ever at his confessions.

"Steve realized that I fell for you long before I did. I knew that- I could see it in him, obviously, he's been my best friend for over eighty years- and I felt like the way he trusted you with me, it could only mean that I could be able to do the same. Know that I'm free of judgment when I'm by your side." he pulled you closer for a moment, just to lay a gentle kiss on your damp hair. "I felt like a dead man for all those years, until you held my hand for the first time. I felt like I was electroshocked or something." you laughed at that, patting his arm.

"You make me feel so alive, too, did you know that?" you spoke up, tracing his fingers with the tips of yours. "You make me feel human. Completely, utterly. Because with every flaw that I have, I know that I also have you to love them. To make me accept them."

"We're not meant to be flawless," he added on to your point. "But sweetheart, you're perfect with your flaws. And you make me feel perfect with mine."

Although the water wasn't as warm as before, you still basked in his embrace comfortably,

[thekillingvote]

Tʜᴇ Kɪʟʟɪɴɢ Vᴏᴛᴇ

Thirty-five years ago, DC Comics opened a phone poll to kill Batman's child sidekick, Robin.

The poll was open to paying callers in the U.S. and Canada for a window of 35 hours, starting on 15 September 1988 at 9AM EST. There were two premium-rate phone numbers—one for Robin's survival, and one for Robin's death. Each paying caller could call multiple times. The results were decided by a margin of 72 votes out of a total 10,614 votes—the difference was just under 0.68%.

Now you decide.

KILL ROBIN

Jerry Smith of Covington, Kentucky claims to have sold his Mercedes-Benz to pay for votes to kill Robin

"Who Killed Cock(y) Robin? I Killed Cock(y) Robin" article by Glen Weldon (2008)

"1-800-DEAD-ROBIN" autobiographical comic by Tony Wolf (2015)

"We killed Jason Todd" feature by Matt Markman (2021)

SAVE ROBIN

Senator Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.), a noted Bat-fan and scholar, denounced the episode as a "Roman gladiator-like readers vote."

"I loved him [...] I personally voted for him to live 100 times, and my mom flipped when she saw the phone bill," says magazine writer Savas Abadsidis.

MJG6 said: I was dead broke, working my way through college, but I voted. My first job was at a comic book store, making me an OG fan girl, I guess, and I encouraged people to vote to save him. [...] Because killing a teen, in a role kids are supposed to identify with, that was just sick.

Further Reading

"A Death in the Family, or: How DC Comics Let a Phone Vote Kill Robin" via r/HobbyDrama

"Living Dead Boy: Jason Todd vs. The Culture That Killed (and Resurrected) Him" on Women Write About Comics

"The Vote to Kill Robin" - trivia, misconceptions, opinions by comic-commentary

Some fan letter columns from Jason's later times as Robin

No Birds Allowed: Batman without Robin

"A lot like Robin if you close your eyes": Displacement of meaning in the Post-Modern Age by Mary Borsellino, an essay on dead Robins, sexism, and classism

🦞 The Tale of Larry the Lobster 🦞

Submitted arguments below:

Kill Robin

Anonymous propaganda IN FAVOR of killing the lobster the Robin!

I love Jason Todd. I love his post-crisis Robin days, I love his sense of justice and his adorable love of learning and his silly curly bangs! I say this to emphasize that I don't want him killed out of any dislike of the character.

I want him dead out of a love for storytelling that gets to stick to its guns and doesn't pull its punches. In context of the poll we readers have just seen Dick Grayson get kicked out of the role due to Bruce's fear of him getting hurt, then he turns around and gets a new Robin anyways because he misses him! I really like that Bruce is being messy and hypocritical! Let that have some real consequences please!

If there were no real consequences then Dick got shoved out of being Robin for what? Hairbrained overprotective worry? Why even change the way he graduated into being Nightwing so much then or heck why even kick him out in the first place?

One might argue that we haven't even given this Robin proper time to develop, that instead he might be taken in new and interesting directions as his own unique Robin shaping the mantle into a legacy rather than just something that was Dick's. I admit this is a very good point, and we are cutting off some possible interesting avenues. As I mentioned, I do like this character! But are we really going to get that?

If DC is already prepared to toss him out of this mortal coil and through the pearly gates after such a short while, do we really think we're going to get much more love and care applied to him?

I say let's roll the dice for something new! May the comics world and all these characters have to deal with the ramifications for many years to come!

Save Robin

robin’s death (and subsequent resurrection) is, frankly, an insult to robin fans of that era. to want to see this child get killed in a brutal manner for no apparent reason, to see jason essentially removed from the narrative so batman could go back to being gritty and depressed—this is awful to me. he hadn’t even been robin for very long!

but that’s not why he should’ve lived.

the resurrection of jason todd as the red hood was narratively interesting enough that it kept most fans of the original jason hooked, and it still does! he has become a prime example of a trauma survivor: his death changed him, and those who loved him have difficulty accepting that.

but there is no resolution to that story, nor was there a resolution to jason’s tenure as robin. dick chose to leave robin behind and take on a new mantle. tim, steph, both had robin taken away from them (and let’s forget about how tim is still robin, because that doesn’t matter right now). damian’s role as robin conflicts with his misconception of his role in the family. everyone else has had an ending, and jason’s death…well. after his resurrection, he has somehow remained stagnant and wildly inconsistent at the same time. this applies to under the red hood too.

at its core, utrh is a deeply classist retelling of jason’s life pre-death in the family. winick makes him a villain—albeit a sympathetic one—who fucks over or kills people that he would’ve thrown himself in front of to save as robin. in utrh, the implication is that jason had always been violent and angry (and morally compromised), and that he was destined to become worse.

it sometimes feels that jason’s transition into being the red hood (and all the characterization that comes with that) was a decision dc made for shock value. just from jason’s robin run, it’s difficult to imagine jason becoming the red hood. it doesn’t feel inevitable. it’s tragic.

ultimately, i believe that jason never should have died, and that his death was a stunt by dc for its shock value. jim starlin wanted jason dead because to him a child sidekick, in a medium that was originally made for children, was “sheer insanity”. he was fridged, plain and simple.

[whipbogard]

do you have a bruharvey comic reading list ?

Lmfao I personally feel like every Harvey-centric comic is somewhat a BruHarvey comic if you squint 🤣🤣🤣🤣

This list is in no way exhaustive and I'm pretty sure I've missed out some very important stuff but nevertheless, this is what I could think off at the top of my head:

Disclaimer: I'm bad at continuity. And I won't call some of these excellent writing but they did give me all the delicious bruharv moments.

Batman - A Lonely Place of Dying - Some nice parallels between Batman and Two-Face were made in here when they're busy trying to outwit each other. This is mainly focused on Bruce's angst post-Jason's death and it is rather delicious for the angst-lover. And also origin story for Robin Tim.

Batman: Year One - That infamous scene where Batman hid under Harvey's desk. That's it. That's big reason enough for you to read it. (Harvey is also exceptionally hansum in here. Will always be one of my fav Harveys).

Two-Face: Year One - Chummy college days, Bruce hanging out at Harvey's office late and night and also the one where 2F didn't listen to the coin and spared Bruce's life :^)

Batman: Eye of the Beholder - The one where Jim introduced Harvey to Batman and then they started hanging out together and left Jim out. JK JK JK LOL but it sure felt like that 🤣 In all honesty though, this is one of--if not--the best Harvey story out there so please read it anyway!!!!

Batman: Face The Face - This takes place sometime after Batman: Hush (where if you recall, Harvey betrayed Tommy to save Bruce's ass uwu). Harvey is somewhat "cured" now that his face is fixed. He go about protecting Gotham in Bruce's absence. And oh, Harvey recalling the 30 days whirlwind of a romance with Bruce where they trained together and also went for dinner dates and movies (I KID YOU NOT)---and obviously got 2F very upset LOL.

All-Star Batman: My Own Worst Enemy - The one where Bruce and Harvey went on a cross-country trip while being handcuffed together. Also a look into their childhood together at that very weird school lol

Batman and Robin #24 - #28 (The Big Burn) - This is 2F's origin story for current continuity. The one where Harvey called Bruce a Prince (while looking at his own reflection on a knight armour) and Bruce called Harvey "dummy" affectionately. Also here we learn that Harvey had known that Bruce is Batman since forever and has been protecting that secret from 2F.

Detective Comics #989 - #993 (Deface The Face) - My beloved Gotham Justice Triumvirate reuniting and working together!!!! The ending to this arc truly fulfilled my love for that chasing game between a hero and a villain tbh uwu

Detective Comics #1020 - #1024 (Ugly Heart & Prelude to Joker War) - It started out weird enough with 2F having a cult of some sort and having real weird erotic ritual involving the coin (lbr you know I'd join this cult in a heartbeat LOL). Again, this arc emphasized on Harvey's struggles to protect Bruce and his identity from 2F. And Harvey teaming up with Bruce to beat Joker's talons!!!!! It ended with 2F being suppressed and a somewhat "reformed" Harvey in Blackgate being visited by Matches. I like this arc for a lot of shippy reasons lmfao ("Promises, promises" hehe)

Detective Comics #1062 - present - The current craze. An excellently written Harvey by Ram V and Simon Spurrier. I look forward to where this is heading! (As of now, seems like Harvey has stopped making an appearance but I sure hope he'll come back again!!!)

ADDITIONAL MENTIONS

The Doom That Came to Gotham - This is a depressing Elseworlds story with Lovecraft elements but the BruHarvey in here is absolutely golden and even more so in the movie version.

Batman 1989 Newspaper Comics - I have yet to go through this tbh but there are a lot of good bruharv moments in here and thIS ONE RIGHT HERE I s2G GETS ME ALL THE TIME

THAT IS ALL!!! Thanks for asking me this because now I have a proper record to refer to since I'm so bad with arc names and issues etc 🤣

[sharonisthebettercarter]

billy butcher and addiction--

felt there's a need for a good and proper analysis for this fucker (as well as i can manage, maybe throw in a bit of a rant on poor fandom etiquette, 'three laws of fandom' are an oldie but a goodie lol) so here we go i guess--

i wanna start by saying this is a full scope character deep dive (sortaish?? best i can do take it or leave it--lol i might go further in depth on specific scenes or whatnot later, i'm longwinded but i'm tryin' to condense as best i can for this, aaaaaaaaaaand long long post ahead--) that def includes elements solidly confirmed in dear becky and probably leans more on comics billy overall, but def does intertwine and interlock with show billy (as they are essentially the same, garth ennis' own words went something like 'he's a perfect billy butcher' lol)

i'll try to avoid spoilers (??) for the most part like dear becky, but there are some things that may need more context (there is quite a bit of in the show that works well enough to represent anyway but i guess we'll see how this goes, i may end up talking more about the show elements and how they parallel with comics billy anyway)

i also think it's worth mentioning that there's a lot to billy (especially in the comic) i feel fandom either ignores, dismisses or doesn't want to acknowledge, or just doesn't notice.

whether from personal bias/prejudice, desire (fitting billy into that 'alpha's alpha' toxic masculinity 'dom top' fever dream 'mold' so to speak, probably--no, definitely the *worst* way to interpret and easiest way bungle up his character, it completely misses the fact that billy has built *that* 'daddy approved' version of himself as a *facade* to *hide* his own shame and insecurity, and he is *so* much more complex than that nonsense (and genuinely uncomfortable and unhappy being that way-beyond the subtle guilt of a constant high). can we talk about the ways in which fandoms promote and perpetuate toxic masculinity--what, no time we'll be here all week?? oh, okay. jesus fucking christ that is exactly as bad if not worse than the maga chud interpretation and unironic worship of homelander--), lack of personal experience/familiarity, understanding--fuck it, even lack of education in media analysis or reading comprehension (if not both), and *especially* being pro-censorship/americentric/*stuck* with purity culture blinders (or even some part of them lingering)

all of those can def make media (and characters like billy) that isn't 'cookie cutter america-approved' fairly difficult to understand or accept (i guess??)

i've seen so much listed to hell and back in attempts to describe comics billy. 'he's a piece of shit' *YES*. 'he's just wish fulfillment for the author's hatred of superheroes' *no*??? let me not get into the complete hypocrisy of someone who writes or enjoys fanfic--the epitome of *wish fulfilment*--unironically complaining about other authors doing this and thinking it's a legit complaint. how does *anyone* read the entire story and come to *that* conclusion???

did you even bother reading the comic? no, i don't mean glossing over it with a completely closed mind while actively ignoring and dismissing everything important put in front of you and designed to make you think because the blood and guts or other is too distracting apparently, i mean *actually* reading it thoroughly and making an effort to think about what's being presented and why, waiting for the drop *instead* of jumping to judge (as is the american way)

and to some degree, i get it. i wouldn't say this comic is the easiest to digest (especially if completely unfamiliar with many of the themes presented, even the show has sparked some ass takes and interpretations) there's also plenty of common misconceptions, one in particular about garth ennis 'hating' superheroes. this is actually not true, what he hates is how the superhero *genre* has bottlenecked the comics industry and what is more likely to see success in it (and as a fellow creative, i completely understand how frustrating that would be, his main interest is actually war stories)

it's def one thing to say, 'nah, i don't vibe with the style' or 'it's not really for me/my taste but it's fine if others like it', i get that, satire and horror aren't for everyone. honest critique is fair even.

but it is a whole 'nother thing entirely to pretend your own personal tastes are *the only 'correct' creative law* and then *vehemently* oppose or hate something an artist created and denounce, harass, or fuck--dehumanize the people who enjoy it, if not the artists who work(ed) on it.

i'm sorry, this is a tangent cause it's def not limited to the hate the boys comics or ennis gets *at all*, it's especially prevalent in *literal* kids media like teen titans go where the thing in question is simply put--*NOT MADE FOR THE SHITHEADS NONSTOP COMPLAINING ABOUT IT* when they can literally, *LITERALLY* just *accept* that they weren't the *target audience* and move the fuck on with their day, happy as can be. *instead* of shitting on something *or the people who like it* to make literal *children* or other people feel bad about liking it.

it's one thing to try and educate people or have discourse and discussion, it is another entirely to *bully* them over something so *stupid* as *fiction*.

i especially have a problem with this shit when i have *several* artists tell me that they don't feel *safe* or *welcome* being themselves, liking or creating what *they* want to make in a fandom *because* of the fandom attitude and normalization of *hate* within that fandom.

i *thought* fandoms were supposed to be about *love* so what the fuck is this human tribalist false dichotomy bullshit??

and of course, that's not always the case. there is also an unbelievable level of respect that is given to fanartists and fanfiction writers, and that is *beautiful*. 'don't like, don't read'. *PERFECT*. curate your own content, complain or rant in your own spaces--you're entitled to an opinion, but *accept* that it still has a right to exist and other people still have a right to love it (and aren't wrong for that, opinions cannot be objective), *even if you don't like it*. just don't engage then, it's that simple.

now extend that level of courtesy to the people, artists and writers in the industry.

no, i'm not trying to shut down criticism of media, proper critique is how we learn and grow and understand better and in turn *create* better. yes, they can fumble the fucking bag too, especially when adapting something from a source material and--like *some* fanfic writers out there--think they can do it 'way better'.

but the people in the industry? who bend over backwards, going on strike in some cases, breaking their necks to work on and create the things that we *love* and latch onto?

they're people too. and whether the thing they make goes *exactly* how we want or not, however you feel about the money in the entertainment industry (which they see barely a dime of if those fucking strikes and constant mistreatment are any indication), they don't deserve to be treated like scabs.

that mentality of 'not my personal taste = universally bad' and 'anyone who disagrees with my opinion is wrong' is fucking gross and *extremely elitist*, just straight up announcing how pretentious, obtuse, willfully arrogant and ignorant, and *lacking in self awareness*--the number one easiest way to be the *shittiest* kind of artist/writer/critic--you are. it is *exactly* like cishet white men complaining about something being 'bad' because it's 'woke' or has anything *besides* a cishet white man for the protagonist.

*god forbid something isn't tailor made specifically for them.*

swear to gawd, i got a list of different bullshit and circle jerking i've seen all across different fandoms for different reasons. no i'm not mad at any one person in particular, just a little salty from recurring problems and gatekeeping (ghoulfucking-GHOULFUCKING OF ALL THINGS I--I CANNOT) if not straight up bullying (does it really make a bitch feel *so* much better to try and hurt other people for liking what they, and let's be honest, are not willing to give the time of day?) in fandoms. (the complete audacity of people to complain about a media being 'childish' or 'bad' because 'insert nonsensical trivial bullshit here that holds no weight because it's personal taste if not flat out wrong and not actual critique' and then turn around and throw the biggest fucking tantrums about it--let me not get into the whole sharon carter debacle jesus christ--)

same shit. different pile.

also, fuck me. i keep *forgetting* that genuinely valid critique (*not* personal taste/opinion, proper critique pertains to things like techniques used, composition, narrative consistency and plot holes, goals of the artist/writer, accomplishments of those goals, etc.) is something that needs proper education and understanding all on its own which not a whole ton of people get or even know, which just goes to show--i'm a dumbass too. (but i won't deny that plenty of 'critics' are full of shit and *know* this but use their 'personal taste' as 'critique' *anyway* because... they enjoy being complete assholes and discouraging other artists i guess.)

y'all, take a class or two in art critique and literature analysis. you'll learn all the cool lingo (to later forget if you're like me~), and maybe (hopefully) walk out with a bit more of an open mind wanting to encourage more art in the world, even if you don't personally like it. take a moment to *listen* to differing opinions in their *entirety* and you might even gain a new perspective.

*no one* should be ashamed to ask questions or admit they don't know or understand something and fuck the people that would make you feel that way. *we can and should help each other.*

but stagnant or hostile fandoms with no self awareness and perpetuated elitism circle jerks? *really* fucking shameful, regardless of the form or where they are.

ANYWHO--

ugh, fuck. okay. i think i'm done with that tangent, back on topic--

BILLY BEAN~<3

and i want to reiterate that *again*, dear becky *does* confirm pretty much everything i'm going to discuss here tho technically speaking, nothing is spoiled here as it's just reiterating what is implicit (if not stated outright) throughout the series.

as far as dear becky goes, it's a good final gut-wrenching piece to the series and i loved it, but it definitely leaned on more of 'tell' instead of 'show, don't tell' (no duh in context, but probably because the rest of the comic did the 'show'--very well imo but it still flew over peoples' heads and made them misplace their brains--i'm sorry, i've just lost so much patience for the lack of reading comprehension and media literacy, but honestly? ennis is genuinely too good at knowing how to spark a strong emotional reaction in readers. and can we talk about the dense mofos that *make* authors have to 'tell' just to confirm something that is heavily implied--what, no time? oh, fuck, fine.)

OKAY--

addiction.

what about it, and why am i mentioning it. well. because if it's not clear by now, william butcher is an addict.

and it is one of, if not the core element that drives him to do what he does.

not becky or becca. not justice.

addiction.

and i don't mean traditional substance abuse (though he admits there has been as much in his life, especially with alcohol, his drug of choice is a bit more complex and maybe not so easy to spot on the surface for those unfamiliar with addiction).

in the show, we even see him mention that he's 'done 'em all' and there's *nothing* like temp v--and it's because temp v *amplifies* his *addiction* to the highest level it could exist on.

something else to note, there's a ton of stigma and widespread (ableist) misconception surrounding addiction still (which may be part of why people may not want to recognize it in billy), but it is absolutely a clinical mental disorder and people who suffer from it should be treated as *medical patients*, not reduced to violent criminals and scumbags. (fuck you drug war and prohibition, you are the root of organized crime and you're racist as shit.) it's also possible to become addicted to *anything*. and i mean *anything*.

if you can repeat a behavior and your brain no longer cares whether or not that behavior is causing you harm because there is a *compulsive* urge for that *repetition* or a specific result from it? that is addiction. money, anger, pain, violence, self harm, attention, love...

you'd think the last one might be okay, but it's not. it's an easy way to get caught in the infinite loop of an abusive relationship, just with promise of it. no delivery necessary.

but it doesn't have to be drugs that cause addiction. hell, gambling addiction is a thing all it's own that can get *incredibly* severe.

and listen, too much of *anything* can be horrible for you. fucking coconut will give you the runs if you eat too much that shit is *not* fun pun intended--

i digress.

in billy's case? he's actually addicted to two i just listed.

violence. and self harm.

i mentioned before that what drives billy has next to nothing to do with what happened to becky or becca.

there's a common misconception that, at the end of the day, billy does have some level of good intent behind his actions, and to a degree this is true in the *complete reverse* of what people often assume, and this is proven repeatedly in both the show (with just what we have seen) and comic (where its laid out too heavily to ignore).

setting aside the fact that there's *never* a good 'rEaSoN' to commit or even attempt *genocide* (EVER. i have ZERO patience for the constant apologism of this bullshit, SWEAR TO GAWD FANDUMB--) and billy's genocidal tendencies on their own, the idea that 'he goes after homelander for becca' or 'justice' has been completely debunked.

'justice is not vengeance'

something to always keep in mind.

but... in the first season? hughie called him out on this.

butcher calls him a 'disgrace to robin's memory', and hughie--bless his little heart, responds with 'i think i'm doing this *for* her.'

it's an interesting response, because hughie is essentially saying--

'you'll *die* for this woman, but that's not what she would have wanted. i'm going to *live* for robin, and for *annie*, because *that's* what she would have wanted.'

and he's absolutely right. billy loved becca, would have died for her. but he refuses to listen and *live* for her.

the group therapist too even before hughie. she literally laid it all out, front and center in the clearest way possible, 'it's a defense mechanism', and then butcher had his little meltdown just before telling hughie about becca, everything he can, including *using* other peoples tragedies and his own *specifically* to manipulate hughie and try and make sure *starlight* can't *save* him from what butcher is trying to turn him into.

*so that hughie stays stuck on his reason to die, instead of finding one to live.*

in the second season, *becca* herself calls him out on this, multiple times.

'you put me on this pedestal but i never knew how to save you'.

'--i didn't come to you, i went to vought--.'

and that's just it, becca (and becky in the comic) is *intimately* familiar with billy's *addiction* and the underlying mental health issues he *wouldn't address*. she didn't tell him what happened even after the shock of it because she *knew* that it would just become a reason for billy to *give in* and be his worst self to a degree where she would *lose him* regardless of what she felt or asked for from him.

she felt she had to *suffer in silence* to *protect him* from *himself*, something that ends up *destroying* her.

becca wanted to *save* billy, but more importantly, she wanted *him* to *save himself* because she *believed in him*, *so much*.

'i never wanted that for you.'

she doesn't want billy to drown and suffer or cause harm in his own hatred and addictions. she *loved* him so much so, that she was willing to *drown herself* if it meant she could save *him*. she loved him *too much*.

billy's mum too, even tries to help in her own way. (she is much less aware of billy's activity in the comic, but we'll come back to her. for the show, this was likely in response to seeing the news about *stillwell*, something his dad fucking *praised* him for)

'--that he wouldn't have this hold on you--'

billy's actions are almost entirely driven by the *addiction* his father forced on him. on doing the things that would make his 'daddy' *proud*. and the thing is, he's *fully aware* of this.

he constantly *says* that *becca* is his 'reason', that she was his *cure*, but she's the *excuse*. his *new addiction* and *self medication* (also billy, you fucking cunt you *know* what you do and have no leg to stand on when it comes to self medicating--)

both in the worst of what he does and his rejection of addressing his own traumas, and she is *unwilling* in this endeavor. she never wanted this hate to consume him, she never wanted all of this death with her name as the signature, *she never wanted billy to be his father*, much less be something much worse.

he even admits as much in the third season when he hallucinates lenny who tells him his actions would 'break becca's heart'

billy responds something along the lines of 'becca's dead, it doesn't matter what she thinks'. (a line presented in the comic even more harshly, but it drives the point home perfectly.)

when he sees lenny again in his nightmare--

'i'm not that bastard--.'

'come off it billy, you always have been. cause anyone who's ever loved you, you end up gettin' 'em killed, don't ya--.'

'--the last person on god's green earth tryin' to stop you from bein' a monster, and what do you do? drag him down to your level... when he dies... and he will... then no can stop you.'

OOF OUCH OWIE--. the lenny stuff hits so damn hard but it represents *perfectly* what butcher's own *internalized beliefs* are.

mallory calls him out on it literally every season.

'--but billy! not the others!'

'it's like asking a cockroach to not be a cockroach--'

'--because it wouldn't stop with just homelander--'

'this was never about ryan or becca, it was always selfish. the hate inside that you want to let loose on the world.'

'--i was wrong... you are your father, always have been...'

and then there's billy's subsequent impulsive reaction to push ryan away, and *be his father*.

but hell, even in gen v when mallory is speaking to shetty.

and truthfully, billy was even showing *withdrawal* symptoms at the beginning of the third season.

billy himself, even *self punishes*, picking fights he knows he *won't* win as a way to counterbalance *and* satisfy his own addiction, infinite loop. vicious cycle.. (ooh i will def be coming back to the big one here--), and we see this in one *HUGE* way, and in many many smaller ways, but even in the more literal sense of going to bars, starting trouble, and laughing or smiling when he's getting beat the fuck up or *losing*.

it's even highlighted in the show, billy *seeking out violence* and conflict whether he should or not, *especially* when unnecessary. getting his own face busted up and smiling because of it is something that happens multiple times in the comic (even on accident in one instance), and is def given a place in the show. it's easy to pass off as billy simply being a masochist (which is def true lmao he does admit as much), but there's also more to it than that and it goes hand in hand with his *addiction* and--

what he thinks he deserves.

billy *hates himself* so *severely* that he actually *does not believe* that he is capable of the *good* that others, such as lenny, becca, his mum, and hughie are willing to *see* in him. he *completely* believes it when others say that 'he is his father' (internalizes it, struggles with it, and frequently acts on it).

he puts on a show. bravado, posture, and 'confidence'. and he's so good at putting on that front, that he can fool himself, even for a moment. and those that believe it will even *enable* him. and the people he feels *nothing* for? again, he maintains the front. he lives his life *masking*, *faking it*--so fucking hard. homelander could never--

and it's not even necessarily the result of toxic masculinity. don't get me wrong, he def has some issues with that lingering (y'all, if you have *say* you're an 'alpha' and posture out your sweet little ass off 24/7, you're def *not* an 'alpha' lmfao), but it's more so his own *trauma* that forces him to *cling* to that.

but when he *loves*, and he loves *deeply*, he completely rolls over and shows his belly like a kitten<3... when he was with becky, he was happy and comfortable, and all of that *ridiculousness* just melted away completely... he didn't feel any need for it because he felt *safe*, because this constant *insecurity* and feeling of being *threatened* all the damn time looming overhead had suddenly cleared up with becky there.

it's not even so much that billy doesn't feel fear. he might not traditionally (at all if his amygdala is damaged), but considering the fight or flight response, billy's *default* setting literally *is* that *fight* response. he's the way he is because he is *always* afraid and he's been conditioned for it to manifest itself as *rage*.

we see bits of his love come through in a few moments he has with people he has genuine care for. (the way he loves his mum and she instantly calms him down is genuinely so sweet.)

but it's always gonna come back down to 'daddy dearest'.

because of him, *billy is afraid of living*.

and--

his father. *is proud of him*.

billy is *just like him* or *everything he wanted to be* as a *man*, or at least is compelled to *project* this on the surface. and everything in *billy* that *is* his father, *just like him*, is *everything* that billy *hates*. so it manifests into an *intense* self loathing and spiraled addiction that magnifies the worst of what his father *forced* on him.

he *doesn't want* to be *his father*, but he feels, and fully believes that *he already is*. his self hatred is another form of *hating his father*, because *he is that man's legacy*.

so *billy* doesn't *believe* that he deserves love or goodness or care from other people (a parallel we see in homelander, presented a bit differently.) so he 'doesn't care'. makes excuses to not care (about people in general, if not just the very *prominent* antisocial tendencies), or leave, or push them away, lashing out to give *them* the excuse to leave him, because he is *afraid* and in his own mind, *unworthy*.

he's *afraid* of being loved, of *losing* that love, of *hurting* those he loves. he is *afraid* of being his own father.

but it's all he's ever known, all he's ever been *conditioned* to be. intoxicated, ever present, it's this terrible thing that destroys him but he *can't* stop. *addiction*.

and what better way to protect those he loves than to keep himself as *far* away from them as possible? than to *make* them hate him. than to do the *wrong* thing, to *disappoint* them. self sabotage. self punishment.

he can't stop himself. he deserves it.

lather, rinse, repeat.

so what does that mean for homelander, or even the reason he goes after homelander? the *real* reason.

'there must be *some* good in him because homelander 'must be' this 'ultimate evil that *must* be stopped', right?

not really. he's a symptom of a much greater evil, but he was never the root of it. if billy really wanted to solve the problems at hand and get *justice*, he'd go after *vought*, NOT homelander.

homelander is not even the real villain in *billy's* mind, in all actuality.

what homelander *is*?

temptation.

he is... the *ultimate* final high for billy. in terms of addiction to both *violence* and *self punishment*.

he doesn't actually go after homelander because he wants to 'stop him' or even kill him. not really. there are times billy starts a fight *expecting* to *lose*, *wanting* it. homelander *is* one of those times to the most intense degree that billy could find. and he even senses this when they first meet--unnecessarily, privately insulting the man because why?

because he feels *threatened*. because he feels *insecure*. because if homelander is *truly good*, even with *all that power*--

then billy has no fucking excuse--

it is, in essence, the same exact reaction that lex luthor has to superman. forcing himself to *challenge* him because of a *constant* sense of *fear*. (except lex *is* afraid of dying, so 1000% a huge coward lmao--)

but~, when he finds out homelander is *bad*?

homelander is billy's *failsafe*

to stop the person he feels is the most terrible evil of all *and* to set the world on fire in the process. a way for billy to kill two birds with one stone. compelled by his addiction to *chase* this ideation relentlessly.

homelander is to billy--his ultimate end, self punishment, a death wish, a *suicide attempt*.

and a way to *unleash his hatred onto the rest of the world*, *to make it burn*, even after his death. (this would be why despite many many MANY warnings to *not* push homelander *because of the catastrophe this will ultimately instigate and the loss of life this is bound to result in*--billy does not give a shit about the potential consequences. he welcomes them--)

if homelander were a *nuke*, billy would want to *launch* him. right now, homie is more like the *demon core*, incredibly dangerous and in some instances lethal, but not *yet* explosive.

billy *wants* the *warhead*.

it was why he got *so excited* at the *chance* of homelander offering him 'scorched earth'.

the man read billy like an open fucking book, and set the bait--

y'all, in other words, homie straight up went to billy's house and offered *crack* to the *crack addict*--fuck yeah he's gonna take that offer!

homelander never actually perceives billy as a real threat *at all* (safe to say, this is the main reason he doesn't kill him. there's a bit of personal complex combined with the deals/blackmail/request involved, but this would also be why he doesn't *hesitate* to 'kill' billy at herogasm. he genuinely gives no fucks about this poor man or his many anal complexes and daddy issues beyond the mild entertainment he gets from him and just how *easy* it is to read billy or rile him up. maybe a *dash* of novelty being found in billy's obsession with him. i'll go into the homie side of things in depth maybe someday soon lol but for now--)

and here's the thing, homelander isn't the *only* failsafe. he is simply the *ultimate failsafe*

included in all the possible bad habits billy has is pawning off his *responsibility* and personal accountability, even his *will to do good* onto others.

i mentioned before that becca (becky) was like a new addiction for him. and she was. in a sense, billy was using her to self medicate. she loved him, gave him love and made him feel good, no pain, no shame--but also no pause to think about that pain, self hatred and self doubt and actively address it. she was a way to not worry about his own *goodness* because she was an *easy* reason for him to *want* to be good.

and something important to note?

billy feels that he has *cheated* on becca/becky *since* the day she left/died. (there's a whole ass deliciously intricate story there but i'm trying to avoid the spoilers lmao. kind of a freebie hint i guess.)

lenny and hughie similarly make an effort to *hold butcher back* and reach out to him. (everyone does honestly, but not everyone is so successful with it). and butcher lets them, but *also* removes the agency of his own choice in the matter.

he doesn't just *let them* make him *good*, he doesn't believe he's capable of stopping himself on his own--but he believes in *them* because they *are* good, *truly good*.

hughie all on his own is *another kind of failsafe* and lo and behold, even calls butcher out on this by the end of the third season (theme is prevalent in the comic a lil different but again spoilers lol):

'i don't think you want to do this. i think you want me to stop you.'

*ding*ding*ding*!

nail on the head, hughie... butcher does not believe he can stop himself. so he sets up *failsafes* to do as much.

and let me just say, it is *unbelievably* shitty of him to do that, to pawn off the responsibility of his own behavior, whether good or pure evil onto other people. but i get it. and it fucking breaks my heart for him.

because *that* is addiction. it feels like mind control. aggressive compulsion. you feel ashamed, and hate yourself, and don't care if you hurt yourself or even others. but you keep *hoping*, *wishing*, *leaving a breadcrumb trail* so that *someone*, *anyone*, will come along and--

*save you. from you.*

and when you stop believing in yourself, in your own willpower to fight against this *thing* that just completely *destroys* you from the inside out... without *anyone* on your side, what else is left to do but to numb the pain?

i was able to recognize billy's addiction right off the bat because i've *been* to a lot of the places he has been. including the addiction. and he makes me so *fucking* mad because it's like seeing a version of myself *still stuck*, *still lost*, *still trapped* by my own issues and self loathing, and all of the abuse i've gone through--

and the biggest fuck up, the biggest *abuser* is me.

i can't *escape* me. *no one* can escape *themself*.

that fucker breaks my heart to pieces because *i have been there*, and i know just how fucking hard it is to *be* there, just how much harder it is to *get out* and start to *learn*--*who is it you really wanna be? who are you without this drug?*

and something he even says in the comics on a few occasions is--

'i'm not really here, i'm somewhere else watching this happen'

asserting that he *truly* believes that he has *no control* over *what* he is. (in contrast with homelander, who feels the weight of something similar but more literally in some regard, and in relation to so many other aspects in his life with the world around him.)

billy butcher *is* the *true villain* of *his own story*

of his own making.

he's not after homelander or even vought. he doesn't blame society or even his father at this point. he blames himself. and he's *given up* entirely on fighting himself. he's looking for his *overdose*.

*that's homelander*

ain't that a kick in the head...

it's part of what makes their relationship and dynamic so incredibly electric and titillating. it's got nothing to do with becca or becky.

butcher sees homelander as an easy way out. as a way to control the narrative, *maintain his own*, and *stop the bad guy* without bringing someone *good*, like *hughie*, down to his level.

he *sees* the parallels, a kindred spirit. he *knows* the potential. and he wants to be the *spark* to light all that *gasoline*.

because then it won't be his fault anymore. his *guilt*. he'll have passed on his *curse*.

likewise, he actually goes after supes in general for a similar enough reason, and it ties in with why he *doesn't* go after vought directly.

billy actually *likes* the status quo. to a degree, *needs* it, *needs vought*

because *vought* is the *creator* of his *supply*, feeding this addiction. and we hear billy say this in both the comic and show--

'with great power comes the absolute certainty that you'll turn into a right cunt.'

and billy actually believes this--about himself.

when he says it about other supes and even his intense hatred of them, it is a *projection* of his own issues and what he believes to be true for himself (that he would do the absolute worst thing imaginable given the opportunity). and in a way, going after them is in some ways a metaphor for stopping and destroying himself, hating himself, as much as it is a way to maintain his addiction.

and--

maintain the narrative he has built--that he is the true villain.

and if that's the case, well... it takes a *hero* to stop a *villain*, right?

but also--y'all remember that scene in the suicide squad where polkadot man imagines everyone as his mum? how he imagines starro as his mum?

yeah, that.

that's basically billy. every fucking supe, including starlight, and kimiko, and let's *really* not talk about what this means about him sleeping with maeve in context with his 'supe=daddy' issues, but even the person he sees in the mirror. *all of them* are *his father*.

listen, i'm not kidding. billy's daddy issues are seriously severe, so fucking bad, i--

his actions aren't for becca or becky or ryan or justice. even he *knows* that's bullshit and admits as much (which just makes fandom denying it that much more fucked). but they're not even *just because* or because he's genocidal, antisocial, or anything else. he *does* want someone to stop him. he's sane enough to recognize his actions for what they truly are *behind* the mask.

billy's actions are a volatile and violent *cry for help*, because he never learned how to *ask*, or even how to *believe in himself*.

he never truly learned that *he never had to be his father*, and he didn't *need* becky or becca, lenny or hughie to *be good*.

i actually think billy's greatest magic trick is convincing even the audience and readers that he is a *total*, complete piece of shit. and don't get me wrong, he is *def* a huge, massive, incredibly rank and ripe piece of shit--.

and y'all, i'm sorry if you believed him and got played like a damn fiddle, him and homie def throwin' in some hard balls--

but he's also still human. he also still needs just as much if, honestly? maybe even more, fucking *help* than homelander. which kind of draws back into their parallels. the tomfoolery of fandom might have you believe that billy is less complex or more put together than homelander, but their situations go hand in hand and the evidence suggests (if not confirms) something quite different.

billy's plight and even goal in some sense is *convincing the rest of his world that he is a monster*. driven by the addiction his father gave him. enabled by the world around him.

homelander's? it's actually the complete opposite. his struggle is with *his world convincing him that he is a monster*, and in turn, against his own instincts, *growing* into that role. when in reality, he never got the chance to decide for himself, it was decided *for* him a long long time ago.

'i think, therefore i am.'

'i can, therefore i must.'

however, *our actions cannot define who we are, because we can choose our actions*. good or bad are not something you inherently *are*, they are something you *choose to do*.

it paints what in turn becomes quite the brutal and tragic picture when these two forces meet. homelander and billy are both of the mindset that they *don't have a choice*.

and this bit is a bit more of a personal thought, but regarding billy's mum, she was *becky*. she was sweet, and kind, and cared for her family more than anything. *it didn't matter what she suffered, she was willing to drown if it meant saving the people she loved*.

as much as i adore how cute becca and billy were, i don't think she would have saved him.

i think the implication is that she would have either 'drowned' trying and become his mum, history repeating itself in a vicious cycle as billy spread his disease to any child they could have.

or that she would have lost her mind. and in turn *become* the person billy spread his disease to, if not another enabler for him. if not billy's choice of drug, maybe she would have taken up something else and eventually overdosed. i would even say the show implies this outcome with both becca and hughie, as the more butcher pushes--the more worn down they get.

if you put enough pressure on someone--they break.

becca was *good* for him. but billy was so, so fucking *bad* for her.

it begs the question of whether or not billy *is* right, if he really is this monster, *fated* to become his father in the worse of ways. of whether or not it's too late for him.

he's certainly not 'normal' or 'right' or 'good' or even an 'anti-hero'. at best, you could maybe call him an 'anti-villain', he is meant to be the deuterantagonist.

it def doesn't help that every time he has the *chance* to do the right thing, *someone* goes and enables him, gives him a reason to do the *wrong* thing.

fucking maeve in that last episode of the third season. but she's def not the only one, and def not the only time. (and yes, if it wasn't clear enough, being completely fucking indifferent to killing *thousands* of people to go after *one* fucking guy is in fact, the *wrong* thing to do.)

butt.

rewatching the scenes with lenny and billy's reaction, and even the final fight, showed something of a *possible* silver lining.

billy *enjoys* rejecting his father. actually pretty fucking greatly if we're being honest. generally speaking, it's when he *rejects* his father and everything that man represents that billy is at his *happiest* (lmao the epitome of an unfulfilled submissive sweetheart and bratty bossy bottom~<3<3<3)

there's a moment, where soldier boy says something along the lines of--

'--fuck you. you're weaker than he is.'

in regards to homelander. it's sort of glossed over, but this is billy's reaction to essentially being called a 'disgrace' so to speak by a toxic 'alpha male'.

y'all see that? it's a smile. lmao a smirk.

this is a moment where billy is protecting *ryan* and keeping his promise to becca. it's a moment where billy is *doing the right thing*, all on *his own* (mostly lol i'm sure there's a roundabout way to justify it in his head). and i think that's key.

it's not just a moment he's proud of himself and has a legitimate fucking reason to be proud of himself, (oh btw, we shoulda *all* been proud of billy in this moment), it's a moment he's *breaking through what his father made him* and his own *addiction*.

and he's doing it *selflessly* and--*without setting that responsibility on another person*.

so we *know* he has it in him, he always has. even becky *in the comic* kept trying to convince billy that *he is capable of good without her*. and again, we actually saw this in the second season when becca and ryan were reunited and billy *changed* his plans, *for becca*, instead of doing the selfish thing and selling ryan back to vought.

but if billy doesn't believe it himself...

i don't think billy is right about himself. but it is very *very* difficult for someone to *correct course* so to speak, once they have their *core beliefs*, lay out their own destiny and start along a *self fulfilling prophecy*, something him and homelander *both* do.

enter ryan.

and suddenly (lol probably in part due to reading dear becky lol), there was a bit of... not so much new, as *confirmed* perspective in play after that rewatch, something to *look* for and ponder in regards to *why* ryan may have been added for this story, a question in mind--

'would it be wrong of *ryan* to want to save his father?'

was it wrong of becca or becky, hughie or lenny, even his mum, to want to save billy?

how would *billy* even begin to answer such questions?

a different answer for the two would be a clear hypocritical bias (which lol i would not put past billy, but i also wouldn't be surprised if he maintained consistent thinking by answering *yes* to both)

. . .

y'all...

i still can't say i'm particularly optimistic about things turning out alright for either gent or ryan, butt~<3

garth ennis literally made the saddest, most pathetic, deliciously sweet, perfectly precious, extra emo tsun tsun baby boi ever, and put him right under our noses.

some a y'all fucking sneezing all over him, straight up sleepin' on all his *best* bits. how are we not utilizing billy butcher *properly~<3<3<3*????

;)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[marciaillust]

Hey! I just wanted to say I’ve been following you forEVER now, and that your art has been inspiring me since i was a teenager. I was wondering if you could share a little about your rendering process? How did you improve it over the years, what did you learn you wish u knew sooner, stuff like that?

(Thanks anyway, and definitely getting myself ur new comic)

Hi! oh wow thank you so much for the kind words!

My rendering process hmmmm.... I will try to sum up the thoughts that come to my mind as I'm writing this, though I might be missing some proper vocabulary

The first thing that surfaced in my brain is exposition within a picture. This is what the picture focuses on - things in the light, or things in the shadow, and how much details each of these two receive rendering wise.

It's basically like taking a photo with a phone - if you click on a bright thing (say, a window), the phone will automatically adjust the exposition and all the other bright things will be visible(lotta detail), but the shadows will become turbo dark (no details). Alternatively, if you click on a dark shadow, all the dark things will become visible (details) but the hypothetical window will become blown out and turbo white (no details). You can basically have one or the other but never both. (or I guess you can who am I to tell anyone how to make art yanno no rules up in this house)

anyway, so for example, this pic^ focuses on the things in the dark, meaning everything in direct light receives no details.

and this pic^ focuses on the light and so all the cast shadows are pitch black.

One other thing that I learned a longass time ago was that edges(and shapes) are arguably the most important part of an object within a picture. Clean edges immediately call for focus, while softer or vague edges allow things to fade in the background and communicate the idea of a thing rather than showing you the thing itself. On a related note note, clean edges also make work in progress appear about 25% more finished.

I guess this all has to do with contrast and contrast can be created in many ways - edges (soft/sharp), colours (eg. red fish in a blue sea), spacing (objects being grouped vs. a single object), the amount of detail per object etc etc etc. and all of these can be controlled to solve specific issues within a picture.

In short, if a thing is important aka the focal point, make it stand out - sharp edges, details, specific colours and a lighting situation that make it pop. And if a thing isn't too important leave it vague, communicate the idea of it rather than focusing on drawing it.

On the note of things being sharp, a thing that I always swore by is, if there are eyes in the picture those eyes better be d-o-n-e. Pristine. People will look at the eyes, eyes communicate 90% of emotion, the eyes are the it girl of the picture forever and always, nobody will look at the wonky foot, they will look at the eyes and judge the quality of the picture. If the eyes are shit the picture is shit. (I'm exaggerating but fr. eyes are a big deal.). They don't have to be turbo rendered or physically mad sharp but they need to be done. Whatever that means, take what you will from my word soup.

One thing that I've become a big fan of over the years is the concept of wear and tear. This has to do with texturing things in pictures and I looooooooooooooooove thinking about ways items are used in order to create bumps and scratches that can be featured.

It always makes things look like they belong to someone?? It makes them real? Like the tip of that bone. that bone has been places. That belt has seen use. That bag carried things. Like yanno?? I looove things that chip and have nicks. Give me wood and I'll put a dent in it I swear.

And I thing the latest thing that I'm trying to incorporate within my art, though I haven't had much time or opportunity to do it in personal art because of work, is colour variation within each element.

Like his face. His skin is obviously "beige" but you will see red, and blue and yellow and green in there too. Stuff like that yanno? I'm quite interested in taking this further in my future paintings. I'm still learning how to push what, where and how but ayyy issa journey I'll happily embark on.

And of course apart from all that it's the usual jazz, working on anatomy composition perspective doing it a lot over and over again babababababa and so on and so forth.

I haven't had much opportunity to paint since I started working on the comic last year but it had it own set of challenges for me. Linework is a completely different kind of rodeo and I've improved in different departments a lot and I'd be happy to bring those things into my paintings when I have the chance. I feel like I'm at a point where I know a lot more than what I've had the opportunity to put on paper, it feels exciting!

I hope at least some of my ramblings were of interest to you!! Again, that you for the nice message and have a nice day :)

[sharpace]

As your Crank Ut universe is completely sfw, i really hope it's still okay to ask, but....

When Viktor didn't know that he and Jayce were dating - were they already having sex? Because it's kinda not obvious in the comics, but its somehow important for my own understanding

Like, was it a 3 months long platonic thing, which Jayce, for some reason, decided to call a dating?

Or was it a full mind-and-body connection, which Viktor somehow managed to not consider a dating?

That's important for me, as depending on the answer I'll be able to relate to one of them or another 😅😅😅

The SFW answer is up to you! I leave a lot of room for whatever is fun.

But 👀 for timeline/writing purposes….

First, I love your theories hahaha

So, yes, they have but they both define intimacy differently and experience the relationship differently (uh oh some divorce era foreshadowing).

Viktor fell for Jayce first but as a result of lurking for so long and his own insecurities from past relationships, learned to accept what he can take and not overstep. He’s also more experienced so sex is just a thing to do rather than a grand gesture or tied to romance.

Jayce falls for Viktor fast and hard. He’s a big romantic who gets too nervous to make the big move so he keeps just offering random things and hangouts which is partially how they end up moving in together. He sees sex as the pique of intimacy and love.

They grow closer while living with each other and flirt while the other completely misses it until the night they messed up so bad.

They were drinking and gaming, Viktor got too into the game and slipped off the sofa, Jayce helped him up. They were giggling and breathless …and the rest of the night was ✨history✨

So Viktor walks away, pleased as peaches they got to hook up and is okay with whatever they might be now because at least he wasn’t rejected and it was fun! And it was with Jayce! He deal with those dumb feelings later (or never!!!! Not his problem!!)

Jayce walks away panicking that he messed up so BAD! He worries that Viktor thinks he took advantage (Viktor was the one to make the first move but he doesn’t think about that) and that their friendship, roommate situation, and working relationship will have to end — unless!! He can save the relationship by asking Viktor out proper and making them honest. But he gets too nervous to say it all and just asks Viktor to dinner. Viktor accepts and Jayce is SO relieved that they’re on track as boyfriends.

Until 3 months later when Jayce asks to go public as boyfriends and Viktor is like “since when.”

so yeah! Writing-wise, this gives me lots of room to play around in for their dynamic, stretch out the pining/yearning/awkwardness, and is just so funny to me. Anyways…. Thanks!! Hope this was fun and didn’t spoil things.

[canmom]

seasonal anime: Mahō Shōjo Magical Destroyers

This one's an odd one.

I think the best place to begin with this one is... here's some lines from the sub. The official sub, from Crunchyroll (I think).

And for this particular show, subtitling with imageboard memes seems actually quite appropriate. But it's still so weird to see memesubs go official! It reads like a fansub!

As for the show itself... it's odd. I watched it pretty much entirely on the strength of the OP, which has both some lovely animation cuts including a little Weilin Zhang. Nobody figured out who did the car still. But where it really caught my attention is the glitched out second half that looks somewhere between SBAHJ and trans girl aesthetics. Here's a taste:

Based on that I expected something in the vein of Madoka, playing around with the form. Well, it's not that! Still trying to put my finger on what exactly it is.

I think I broadly I get what it's going for, sending up genre tropes and invoking various flavours of otaku subculture stuff with a really modern reference pool. And I appreciate that it's willing to go weird with it; episode 2 for example has a surreal battle on a drug induced psychic plane and they are willing to get quite experimental with the imagery (also obligatory EoE nod)...

The henshin sequences likewise go pretty hard! Blue, the sex/masochism themed one in particular, gets her brain corkscrewed out and turned into a weapon. Lots of blink-and-you-miss-it stuff in all three.

There's other cute visual ideas riffing on the otaku theme; e.g. in episode 3, a mech is assembled like a model kit from a sprue by giant hands.

Or places where it's like... oh huh you went there then? It really foregrounds sexuality, playing it mostly for jokes but also like...

This isn't even the first time one of the characters has ended up in shibari and he stays that way for the rest of the episode.

Anyway, the story turned out to be about an alternate future where otakus become an oppressed class who are caged by the government; protagonist 'otaku hero' leads an otaku revolution, although he's more of a comic relief guy beside the three magical girls. The sort of mocking but affectionate sendup of otaku stuff feels sort of like 'what if you made Otaku no Video, 30 years on'.

So I respect its ambition! It certainly feels different.

Alas I don't think it quite comes together. The pace is pretty breakneck, but it's not so infectiously energetic as something like Kill La Kill, which is an obvious point of comparison - but then not many people can match Imaishi! Visually, the show proper is kinda rough, and inevitably falls short of the level set by its OP/ED. The story is way too overtly ironic to get seriously invested in, so you're mostly there for the jokes, which are pretty hit and miss (a lot of them are just 'haha, sex' or 'look, otaku thing'), but also it's paced so fast that they don't all have to stick.

It's a bit of a headscratcher honestly. I'm mostly still watching out of curiosity to see what they're doing with all this. It feels like there's several seeds of something in this mix; whether it will grow I can't tell.

Come to think of it, if it reminds me of anything, it's OtakuVs, the surprisingly high-effort anime comedy web series by some American weebs. The pace, tone, and sense of humour are remarkably similar. I'm probably missing some kind of precursor to both that explains it. Maybe it was poptepipic all along!

[celaenaeiln]

(different anon) i appreciate u mentioning the context from our world aka the editorial’s decision behind dick going to college thing. like, regardless of the, whats the word, questionable?? handling of bruce & dick character in old or golden/silver/bronze comics, the fact remains that 1) the dick going to college stuff was caused by homophobic panic -> led to decisions (which i wont list one by one and it can be easily browsed on the internet) and 2) that the handling affected people’s perception of the characters, which circled back again to number 1 aka it affected the editorials’ decisions

YES!!!! You're so right!

The worst part is I loved Dick and Bruce's relationship in the medal ages. The way they interacted was so natural and fluid and it may have seemed weird but honestly it was just sweet and endearing!

When they redid everything, they couldn't properly distance the two of them because they were so intertwined. And since Dick obviously wouldn't be an asshole (since it goes against his whole persona), it had to be Bruce who initially started off as a lone avenger. This was also easier to do because Bruce was constantly worried Dick was too young in the comics so the editors played it up and started having Bruce act arrogant to Dick which made it a part of his personality. This is the Bruce we know now-an angry, controlling asshole who only expresses that he loves his children when he thinks they're dead.

They messed up so badly that writers are STILL trying to figure out how to write Dick. Most of them got it right. Some of them should find a new career.

I miss what they used to be written as and I miss when Bruce openly showed emotion. Even Alfred wasn't just a stoic butler.

The fan reaction and editorial response led to a horrible rabbit hole which leads to now where DC is frantically retconning everything to make Bruce not seem terrible.

Additionally, I know we're talking about Dick and Bruce but this also is the exact same situation that led to the split of Kory and Dick. Kory and Dick actually used to be almost the number one comic book pairing in the late 20th century. They were so popular that in the 1990s, they were considered the Peter/Mary Jane of DC. Their relationship was the epitome of grand, sweeping romances equivalent to dramatic balcony love stories and legendary greek myths. Readers loved them.

But if they were so popular, why did they split?

Because of the editors of course!

The Batman office really wanted Dick back so they took him away from the Titans office. But the problem is they ripped Dick away from Kory without producing a proper backstory for either of them, especially her. They then continued writing comics that degraded Kory and Dick's relationship into a lust filled romance in order to promote Barbara as Dick's true love.

Other writers for comics more recently continued diminishing the original pairing to support their own agenda or included it to support it.

HOW CAN YOU BALDLY CALL THIS LUST:

Anyway, the Dickbabs was well received which led to a strong divide between fans in Dickkori and Dickbabs. In return DC started altering between different stories based on fans' interest which led to a confusing mess and inconsistent timeline where Dick is torn between multiple love interests. Which is why they would characterize Dick incorrectly or break things off abruptly so he could more easily be torn from the lover he was with to the one of their choice. *cough* Bea/Helena/Shawn/Bridget (especially) *cough*

While I don't like the back and forth, as a Dick Grayson multishipper, I can say I greatly benefitted from it 😅

[milksakex]

New Narinder Headcanons

So I played around in the Relics DLC and I gotta say, wow. So anyway, have some headcanons while I work on the damned comic.

_ NARINDER_

Goes by He/They/It

He’s a bi-disaster

Uses his tail to stim 

Before everything, he, Lashy and Shamura were close. 

His scythe was a gift from Kalamar and he adored it. 

He was kinda an asshole

One day though, he got tired of the same old things happening and wanted to try something new, something controversial 

So he made the Resurrection Ritual and that set everything in motion 

His siblings feared this and they couldn’t understand why he was so a okay with it

It caused them to shun him and make him do things he didnt want to do without realizing

Photosensitive and cannot handle bright things. The void was the hell of hells 

Narinders attacks towards his family were calculated and directed to what they loved most

He attacked Shamuras mind because he knew they loved to read and plan various things, Heket loved to sing so what better to take from her than her voice. Kalamar loved to listen to his followers voices when they praised him but now he can’t hear and Leshy loved to find and collect shiny things to give his siblings so it’s best to take his eyes

Nari wasn't unaffected by this of course, throughout the years during his imprisonment, it drove him further off the edge and made him mad with anger. 

It didn’t help that the chains holding him were so tight and filled with divine energy it burned the flesh off his arms

His first day in imprisonment he told his cult to kill anyone that wasn't part of the red crowns faith. 

When that didn’t work he forced his siblings undead followers to try and kill them after 200 years. 

And when that didn’t work he sat and cried. 

About 300 years into his imprisonment he started tasking people with his crown to make cults in his name and kill any of his siblings followers

When it hit 400 years, he met his first host and gave them the crown to create a cult in his name and kill the Four Bishops

This failed many times with the vessels either being too weak, lazy or overcoming with power and thinking themselves a god. 

When it hit 800 years,he finally calmed down enough to actually make a proper plan. 

He didn't even know about Foranus 

When the twins popped up in his domain, he was quite startled. Despite him being death itself he was never pleased when young children died.

Out of pity he took the twins under his wing, teaching them various spells, curses and helping them perfect their physical abilities. He bent and shaped them to his will. He didn't want to make them mirrors of himself, but he didn't want them to have to much individuality.

Though with them keeping him busy, it did lessen his anger. Only a little.

He put them through unspeakable pain in his name. He made them fight each other and harm innocents till he thought them worthy of veils.  He gifted them both with the power of Nine Lives.

He doesn't regret it. 

Children or not, pain is necessary for gain.

After the Lamb kicked his ass, he was forced to think about what he’s done.

He misses his siblings and wishes they were still around.

He knows he has to tell Foranus what’s happened to her kits eventually. 

He doesn't the twins that much. He’s annoyed with them, disappointed even. 

How dare they call themselves attendants of Death and be beaten by a 3-foot-tall lamb? 

He has trouble lifting things after chains were wrapped around his arms for years. He refuses to get help. 

The Lamb helps anyway.  

When the Lamb brought the twins back he promptly told them to never speak with him and go explore or something.

His relic is Narinders Arms, he doesn’t know where it is 

Does eventually end up in a relationship with the Lamb. A healthy one. 

Is called: Lord Narinder, The Old Death, and The Lambs Pet by cult members. But is called Darling and Love by the Lamb

[soleminisanction]

I forget.. how exactly did Tim become Robin again? Was it only because Damian left? Or something else?

There wasn't really a reason given for it in-universe. It was a gradual transition that played out over the course of a few different story lines and like five years.

What really happened, I think, is that the New52 attempted revision of Tim Drake was violently rejected by the fan-base, one of the clearest and most obvious reactions of "fuck no that's not our boy" in that whole mess of an attempted universe reset. And a big part of that stemmed from their total re-haul of his personality, motivations, backstory, and superhero career to insist that he was never Robin, he'd only ever been Red Robin, supposedly to "honor" Jason, because frankly somebody behind the scenes was sucking Jason's dick hardcore and dragging other characters under the bus to do it.

Thing is, DC always has a tendency to underestimate how popular Robin actually is because there's a certain mindset of straight white male comic book creator who's under the delusion belief that only straight white men like him read superhero comics. But Robin has always been popular with women and queer people. It's why Dick Grayson is the most sexualized man in comics, why Jason Todd exploded in popularity after they hired one of the Supernatural guys to voice him in the animated movie, why New Teen Titans could save DC in the 80s by being an unapologetic teen soap opera, heck, it's even the origin of the infamous Seduction of the Innocent "Batman and Robin are gay" claims, but that's another post.

Point is, New 52!Tim got a lot of backlash, so he was one of the things they focused on when they started dialing that back. To compound things, while Damian does have a fandom, he's not really popular as Robin, not Bruce's Robin anyway. Most of his popularity comes either from his relationship with Dick, or from Super Sons, which calls him Robin but treats him narratively as only "The Son of Batman" -- he could be called literally anything else and it wouldn't change the dynamic. And the thing is that you really kinda need a proper Robin to tell good long-term Batman stories. Even the animate series only kept him solo for a single season.

So they gradually nudged Tim back into his place. First came Rebirth with Batman Eternal where they were still calling him "Red Robin" but the only non-Robin thing about him was the extra "R" on his costume, he still looked and acted and filled the role of Robin in every other extent. And, more importantly, they had some measure of his original personality coming back.

Then he encountered with an explicit version of his pre-Flashpoint self (Titans Tomorrow!Batman) that starting bringing back memories of the timeline that everybody preferred, including all the Young Justice friends that people who'd rejected the New 52 Teen Titans were desperately missing, and he went off into Bendis's YJ run and just, started calling himself Robin again.

And then it just, stuck. Because it works, because they were bringing back the old status quo that the fandom preferred, because Tim is well-suited to the role they needed in the narrative, and because he's just the kind of guy who would go, "Huh, that very important job is not being done and nobody seems to see how important it is, somebody should take care of that" and then just, do it.

It's kinda how he got the gig in the first place.

[destinysbounty]

Alright its elemental roulette AU time again, whether you like it or not! (for those of you who are curious, you can check out all my other posts about it here: 1, 2, 3)

Jay being Samurai X in this AU is pretty self-explanatory, so i probably dont need to talk about it in too much depth. But I will anyway!

In this version of events, Jay managed to perfect his mechanical wings, and then expanded it into a big ol flying suit of armor. So, think Samurai X mech, but crossbreed it with like, the Sonic Raider Jet or something. But also theres a distinctly comic-book-superhero flair to it all because of course there is, this is Jay we're talking about.

Same as canon, Samurai X starts making appearances, he begins upstaging the ninja, and its established that the current ninja team is full of angsty perfectionists, so OBVIOUSLY they all hate his guts. Jay is a little gremlin, though, and their frustration only encourages him to upstage them even more.

Eventually they do discover his real identity and meet him, and maybe realize they were being a bit too harsh when they should have been more appreciative of his support. So they invite Jay into the fold of their operations.

Jay may be a comparative rookie, but hes got the motivation. See, his parents were attacked by Fangpyres and got turned into Serpentines, and he figures that if stopping Pythor and co. can get him any closer to finding a cure for them, then he has to try. If nothing else, he can at least get some well-deserved revenge. And once he learns about the Great Devourer situation, he definitely doesnt want that to happen. Basically, hes motivated by the recent rise in Serpentine activity.

(Im also currently toying with the idea that Jay was turned Serpentine as well. I dont wanna elaborate on this point too much since im not certain i'll keep it, but its definitely something to think about.)

Regardless of motivation, Jay is more than happy to join the team. After all, who in their right mind would turn down an invitation to join a kickass team of superpowered crimefighters, as well as the opportunity to be trained by the son of a literal diety??? Sign him up!

....he did not realize what he was signing up for. The comic books did not prepare him for how traumatic saving the world can be. He would like a refund please

Of course, this realization doesnt strike until Zane's death. Jay's first real experience with loss. Sure, their battles have been scary and dangerous, but watching a friend die...watching a friend die to save the world...thats when it hits him that being a hero comes with a price. So he throws in the towel and bails.

That is, until Wu approaches him, saying that the ninja have all gone missing (bc they went to Chen's island without telling anyone). And well, Jay has lost one friend already, and it sucks. But hes not going to sit by and lose everyone else who matters to him, too. So he warily takes up his old Samurai X mantle again and sets out to find his friends.

So yeah Jay and Dareth team up on Chen's island and it is just as chaotic as you might imagine.

Also, i feel the need to point out that Jays stuff isnt all sleek and modern like Nya's. He doesnt have a secret base, he just tinkers away at his parents' scrapyard. He canonically doesnt know the proper name for an exhaust valve. His mechs and weapons do not look like they should operate by any stretch, but somehow they DO.

Nya got to the island by using holograms to disguise her vehicle. But in this AU, Jay gets to the island by building a shoddy jetplane out of spare tractor parts and crashing it into the side of a volcano.

Jay's strange blend of competence and incompetence only makes Morro hate him even more. By all rights, this chaotic grease monkey and living embodiment of the knife-cat meme should NOT be able to defeat him. That rusty mech thats really just a glorified trashcan should not be able to throw Morro through several concrete walls. And yet here we are.

Jay, meanwhile, delights in tormenting Morro. Because of course he does.

Now, he and Nya do still have their falling out, but its not due to a love triangle or anything. Its bc Jay bailed out after Zane's death, Nya got upset at him, and in the ensuing fight over it they both said some...pretty hurtful things. And over time they work on repairing their relationship again, but it still takes a long time before theyre ready to be a couple again.

Im currently torn between three possibilities. 1) Chen reveals the truth of his elemental power to him. 2) Jay spontaneously manifests lightning one day and everyone is very confused. 3) One of his Skybound wishes results in the discovery of his elemental power. Im a bit fond of option 3, if only bc that opens the opportunity for Skybound to focus more heavily on the adoption subplot, and would naturally build up to a true potential sequence at the end.

If so, maybe the wish that would have revealed Cliff Gordon's death ends up instead revealing his elemental power to him, forcing him to reconcile his birth parentage in the weirdest way possible. Idk id have to think about it, i havent seen Skybound in a while.

I think Jay does choose to be a ninja instead of a samurai, if only to feel closer to his birth-mother and to carry on her legacy/learn more about her, but still keeps a lot of gadgets and doohickeys on his person. The harness thingie on his Wildbrain gi? It serves as a holster for his various inventions and bizarre, unorthodox weapons.

Jay spends a decent chunk of time thinking he has no elemental powers, so he and Misako strike up an unexpected camaraderie as a result of thinking theyre the only non-elementals on the team. Wu is an elemental master and specializes in training others like him, but Misako isnt, and since spinjitzu is a bit different for those without elemental powers she offers to train Jay.

Jay may not be the strongest or most powerful fighter, but give him a paperclip and some dental floss and he'll find a way to macgyver your downfall. Its only when hes cornered into a hand-to-hand confrontation without any weapons that he tends to falter. Take away his gadgets and he starts to have issues, since he has zero combat training. So yeah he is in dire need of Misako's guidance.

And hey, maybe this is a good opportunity to explore Misako's character as well! Maybe they share a heart to heart, where Jay laments being abandoned and Misako reluctantly shares her motives and turmoil over leaving her son. Maybe she gets some character development. Oh! And maybe Jay sometimes joins her on expeditions.

Once Ray and Maya are saved, Jay and Cole very sheepishly ask them if they knew their mothers. And during the timeskip after season 7 they spend many nights hanging at the blacksmith shop, listening to Ray and Maya recount the good ol days.

And for the record, YES. Cole and Jay are still besties in this AU. Their dynamic is deeply important to me.

I also wanna redo Prime Empire to focus more on Jay's abandonment issues and you cant stop me.

For the purposes of this AU ive decided to replace Wojira with two new deities, one of lightning and one of ice. This means that Jay and Zane are both eligible to get Nyad-ified at the end of Seabound. Which one it happens to remains undetermined atm, altho im admittedly leaning a bit more towards Jay. If only because the mental image of Jay being made of pure lightning, and wanting to kiss Nya goodbye before vanishing into the sky but not being able to touch her without zapping her...yeah that concept is gonna live in my head rent-free for at least an hour

Its not much, but those are the broad strokes of what i have for Jay so far!

[gamesception]

Sception reads Cass Cain #22

Batgirl (2000) #7 words: Kelley Puckett pictures: Scott and Campanella

No more Peterson. As far as I know he was still at DC comics, but he's not co-writing Batgirl any more, and I'm not sure what changed. The cover is some classic comic cover misdirection of the Super-Dickery style, though it also implies a proper fight between Bruce and Cassandra, something that really needed to happen in her story, but iirc by the time it eventually does that story has meandered a bit.

This comic launches a sort of three issue arc that first establishes where the loss of Cass's body-reading abilities leaves her, which was a bit of an open question, then contrives a way to give her the ability back, while imposing a new cost for doing so in order to not completely undercut the implied tradeoff between speech and body-reading.

As usual, I have... mixed feelings

No, no, I wouldn't say it sucks. We've lost Peterson, but we still have Puckett and Scott, both still on their A game. As is the pattern so far, quality execution pulls me along even when I'm not 100% sold on the direction.

So pretty much right away, we establish that without her body-reading Cass isn't just 'not as good as she was', she's all the way down to 'not good enough for Bruce to let her out at all'. Honestly, this feels like a bit of a stretch to me. Like, are we honestly saying Tim is a more competent fighter than Cass at this point? Well, probably not, the fact that Tim isn't predisposed to throw himself into groups of armed thugs without thinking is a likely factor here, one that is mentioned by Babs later.

One thing that I really would have liked to be an explicit part of the story, if we're doing this at all (which we didn't need to, most other bat-fam crime fighters don't have super-powers, they could have just said she was worse but still good enough) - but, yeah, if we're doing this at all then I would have liked if lingering doubts about Cass after watching the tape of her kill were explicitly part of the reason Bruce was keeping her off the street. It would have kept the thread up about that aspect of her story - imo that's the core conflict her character is built on and it just kind of Peters out - like I alluded to earlier, Cass and Bruce do eventually fight, but it's not even really about that.

Like, right now our status quo on that is "Bruce is in denial over the fact that Cass killed a guy and will be real upset + maybe refuse to let Cass wear his symbol ++ maybe will have to face up to his own feelings of guilt once he eventually has to accept the truth of what Cass did", but iirc he never really does have this big conflict and never is forced to confront Cass's murder. IIRC - and honestly I hope I don't remember correctly here, I hope I just missed or forgot important stuff - but iirc eventually Bruce just knows and is ok with it without any major drama or revelations and none of the juicy conflict ever happens.

But anyway, for the moment that's a missed opportunity rather than a mistake.

Anyway, Bruce gives Cass some study material.

And she studies it. Bab's holodeck is a bit too sci-fi for me, but whatever, visual storytelling.

The issue is a bit repetitive here, alternating between studying panels and Bruce beating Cass up panels, though it serves a purpose of conveying how she's stuck in a rut.

"All this knowledge. No substitute for knowing." is a good line.

I like these panels. You can really feel Cass's frustration. We also finally have Bruce pulling back. He's really been beating the crap out of Cass in these training/testing sessions - is any of that some part of him now seeing her as a murderer? And how different is that from the extremes Cain was willing to put her through as a child? Extremes that even before 10 years old she was more than willing to put herself through. Bruce flinching back like this is a key moment of him /not/ just being a substitute for David Cain, because he isn't willing to just brutalize Cass until she 'gets it', even if she's not just willing but eager to do things that way.

But yeah, Bruce pulls the 'Jason Todd' card

And Babs pulls the paralyzed card.

Really strong facial expression from Scott on that last panel there.

Doing the vigilante stuff isn't just a calling for Cass, though, it's a compulsion, and the writer kind of calls it out through Babs here. It all comes back to the guilt. Cass killed someone, she thinks she deserves to die for it, but she can't just kill herself. Being Batgirl is a way to do some good to help redeem herself and re-contextualize all the killing skills her father gave her while also exposing herself to the possibility of death over and over until some day it inevitably comes.

She can't not do that just because she's in more danger now, deliberately putting herself in danger is part of the point.

So she goes out in this new cobbled-together alter ego, and there's some fun panels of it. It's an ok design, too.

And that's how we introduce Shiva.

I'm gonna be honest - I really only know Lady Shiva from her appearances with Cass. I have no idea if her characterization in the Batgirl title is true to her previous appearances or not - particularly the suggestion that will come later that her whole death-match obsession is as much about her own deathwish as it is about martial pride. I've heard some complaints that Shiva was a more interesting character before/without Cass, and that her more recent appearances have kind of reduced her to just being Cass's mom with not a lot going on outside of that, which if true is a shame.

The Shiva connection also leads into dumber stuff later in Cass's solo title - I never jived with the 'one who is all' business, imo it was too silly and the whole concept undercut the much more personal and frought relationship between Cass and David Cain - and its thematically resonant parallel to her relationship with Bruce. Post-reboot Shiva displaces David almost entirely, and there's no parallels to Bruce at all, either with Cass and her guilt or Cass's previous masters and Bruce's lifestyle & training techniques. Of course, by that point David's unrecognizable and they couldn't do the thematic parallel stuff anyway.

...

But within Cass's story, at least in this early arc, Shiva works pretty well, and her introduction is certainly striking, pun intended

Using the fancy restaurant scene to build tension

Before everything explodes when Shiva finally attacks.

And the issue ends like it starts. I like when that happens.

All in all an effective issue. It's a weird thing to complement, but I think it does a particularly good job conveying Cass's growing boredom and frustration through the repetition in the early training scenes. The art's particularly nice - a lot of strong facial expression, good posing, nice detailed backgrounds.

I like how much fun she has in her new vigilante alter-ego. Again, doing Batgirl stuff isn't just about guilt and atonement and wanting to die, it's also fun and thrills, she likes doing it for its own sake.

And I like how cocky she is with Babs afterwords, at least until she's caught. Very much a kid who thinks they're getting away with something attitude. It's fun.

Good stuff, overall.

[thekillingvote]

Anonymous propaganda IN FAVOR of killing the lobster the Robin!

I love Jason Todd. I love his post-crisis Robin days, I love his sense of justice and his adorable love of learning and his silly curly bangs! I say this to emphasize that I don't want him killed out of any dislike of the character.

I want him dead out of a love for storytelling that gets to stick to its guns and doesn't pull its punches. In context of the poll we readers have just seen Dick Grayson get kicked out of the role due to Bruce's fear of him getting hurt, then he turns around and gets a new Robin anyways because he misses him! I really like that Bruce is being messy and hypocritical! Let that have some real consequences please!

If there were no real consequences then Dick got shoved out of being Robin for what? Hairbrained overprotective worry? Why even change the way he graduated into being Nightwing so much then or heck why even kick him out in the first place?

One might argue that we haven't even given this Robin proper time to develop, that instead he might be taken in new and interesting directions as his own unique Robin shaping the mantle into a legacy rather than just something that was Dick's. I admit this is a very good point, and we are cutting off some possible interesting avenues. As I mentioned, I do like this character! But are we really going to get that?

If DC is already prepared to toss him out of this mortal coil and through the pearly gates after such a short while, do we really think we're going to get much more love and care applied to him?

I say let's roll the dice for something new! May the comics world and all these characters have to deal with the ramifications for many years to come!

🦞💣