#i need to catch up on sm work bro

[thatonechocogirl]

sureee.

chat i almost deleted this comic entirely

but i just wanted to post it because i thought it was kinda cute

pretend there's a really nicely colored background tho ok

[justcallmesakira]

hihihihi AUGH i love ur work sm?!! omg if u can fyodor with a younger sister (she has the same level of intelligence of him and works in the doa and his organaization) who is dating dazai? :) I know there are some but i need crack and suggestive!!1

ty and er bye good luck take ur time!

"Fyodor with a sister dating Dazai''

Sypnosis: Your rat brother is anything but happy about the fact that you are dating his only enemy on earth! Good luck on surviving!!!

Genre: crack, suggestive at the end

Warnings: bombing, terrorizz, , mentions of maniupulative behaviour, mentions of verlaine, roblox radgoll, loads of simping words, me being down bad, making out (lol), your mom

A/N: my reqs are currently closed but ehhhh who cares lol also THIS WAS SO HARD TO WRITE HONESTLY- pls enjoy and reblog i tried my best--- *dies of mental ilness*

How bro-

JUST HOW DID U DO THAT W/O HIM BLASTING DAZAIS INTERNAL ORGANS? 🤯🤯🤯

No bcs fyodor did not even plan to let u meet dazai but ofcourse bcs of the dead apple tower and stuff and since then he had completly fallen inlove with you whether you are dostoevskys sister or not

He prob asked u to do a waltz with him in the mukokukokurokito or whatver the phuck that towers name was when you entered the castle with your brother

Fyodor WAS NOT happy because he saw the flirty glint in dazais eyes when u came

If looks cold kill-.. (KILL ME, RUSSIAN ZADD😍😍---)

And all you went was giggles and flirting back

Fyodor is prob gonna get his own medicine bcs they two are so like each other??? but he still couldnt believe how you with such high intelligence could fall for him???

(fyodor take your anemic medication first)

Dazai obv had some skeptics after you but like the manwhore he is and prob slept with the entierty of yokohama! ofc hes gonna court you as if you might not just use him!!!

Very (not) normal behaviour indeed!!

HELP YOU KNOW THAT ONE INDIAN RIZZLER VS. UWU CAT??? HES LITERLY THAT BUT

Dazai: "I fucked your sister she be screaming high pitch😈" fyodor: "What did you say, you little child i will crush your skull 😡😡😡should have known when i smile, I also play cello, i can be anything Уву"

that was UWU in russian btw-

But in all serious he will try maniupultaing you or gaslighting you into leaving dazai, he cant leave his only family to a man he does not trust! fyodor doesnt even trust himself-

fyodors gonna act a bit more colder then usual bcs of the fact HIS sister is dating someone and that someone is his enemy

Honeslty you go up to say chuuya whos like "why do i get deja vu-" *flashback to verlaine* you: "First time?"

But ofc since you are also extremely smart you somehow convinced him (after playing roblox radgoll with him for 8 hours) to let you atleast join date with dazai

I bet you rizzed up dazai by "He said his favourite colour was blue, so i blew him up😍💣"

*insert proud brother noises*

He speaks in russian or any slavic language whenever you three are in a gathering to mostly embarress dazai

I have seen some hcs on dazai being a collarbone biter so if you were off shoulder shirts and fyodor sees them by chance hes going to glare at you as if you are covered in mud :33

"Sister,,,what. is. that." *nasty side eye to the love bite on your neck*

Dazai 100% one time randomly pulled you into the alley and started aggresively making out with you with his hands literly sprawling all over your body like hes daddy long legs or sth-

Bcs HE KNEW that fyodor had cctv set in that part of the city and fyodor would be raging at the fact that the sluttiest man is touching his precious sister like that

bros gonna forgot abt human rights- oh wait hes russian

IF HE EVER CATCHES YOU TWO THO--

Like making out on some bed or sth hes actually no LIKE ACTUALLY GOING TO throw a whole ass cabinet at dazai with a face full of nothing but malice-

"How dare, an inhuman animal like you touch my very sister" "BRO CHILL I AM YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW--"

And your just trying to stop your brother from commiting murder even though that his hobby ^^

fyodor finally forgot he had anemia bcs now all his focus was to give dazai the most painful death know to the medieval period\

Good luck on stoping your brother from poking a fork in your lovers eye in family dinners!!

A/N: guys ik i am doing the valentines req pls be patient i am trying my best!! i have a relly bad mental health rn so yeahhh-

Divider crds!: @cafekitsune

tags! @silverbladexyz @biscuits-lovely-corner @riiwrites @heartsfourdazai @tojifile @atsquie @atlasnessie @chuuyasboner @yosanosboner @ruanais @darling--angst

[vegafan69]

☆ aaron headcanons !!

sfw and nsfw !! i louv aaron sm omg stop i need more of him he's so kitten kawaii nya daddy alpha sigma

sfw ;;

he loves motor racing games, driving ruthlessly during battles but never in real life. beats the fuck out of the honk button whenever someone annoys him on the streets

he had to save up money and toggled jobs a lot as a kid (canon) and he feels bad for not being able to buy elliott and himself nice food and toys. now that he’s financially stable, he randomly sends eli some money as a treat. he just says it’s a treat but truly he just wants to make up for the past (WAHHHHHHHH)

he hates alcoholics thanks to his mom

he tries to take care of smartass, eli and sunshine cause he never had a father figure :(

he’s actually really good with children, he knows how to care and make them stop crying. he might seem a little annoyed at a child crying but they make him really soft

he likes being the little spoon occasionally

he’s allergic to dogs but wants one :3 he would get a beagle or a chihuahua

he started to actually learn to make food after moving in with smartass. he’s not bad at it but he often overdoes the seasoning

he has brown curly ish hair, and smartass likes to twirl it

aaron started to catch feelings for smartass after a few heart to heart convos :3 <3

aaron have had many people, especially boys have crushes on him during high school. but he was always occupied with taking care of himself and elliott, therefore never had time to think of crushes.

(pre dating) smartass cried silently during work once. aaron let them cry in his shoulders, his back backed against a hidden corner in the office. that was the moment where he realized he felt more than just ‘hatred’ for them.

aaron has/had (?) a heart to heart convo with sunshine, hearing how soft and gentle they are with elliott makes him happy and somber, regretting some of the times he yelled at his lil bro (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞

nsfw ;;

he loves teasing and frustrating his brat, tugging their hair backwards and humiliating them ;) he can humiliate this pussy anytime

DADDY KINK. I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW HARD HE GETS WHEN HE CALLS HIMSELF DADDY. DADDY I’LL TAKE UR COCK SO WELL OH MY GODDDD.

“You wanna be a good slut for daddy?” YES DADDY I WILL BE A GOOD SLUT FOR YOU OH MY EIWOSOCPWPJDDKHDKSHDEJDH

spanking and random hits on the skin :3

his body melts once being overstimulated, unable to speak a word

they both have thought of fucking each other so badly (when smartass was still under aaron’s management). they both would get REAL angry and horny when they get off work

smartass notices aaron’s neck and hands a lot - and he knows it. he wears nice necklaces and rings to get their attention almost daily. and he occasionally takes them off too cause it’s hot. im doing it are you

smartass begged to put a toy in him. he let them. he liked it but will not admit it. get pregnant bossman

he would have glasses of water next to the bed. cause you need to hydrate during sex 🤓☝️

taglist @mokozroach @dukecollinsbf @infinitelovewiithoutfulfilmentt @everything-redacted00 @laskosprettygirl @achios @porters-fangs @ilovealotofwomen @jaxfart @lexdoesntdraw @chmease @darlin-collins @annahxredaxted @breezysuffers @ashertickler

[souichieatr]

Lol can u do headcanons for erens icks(like the dumb funny ones). he’d be such a welcome nuisance

Love ur work btw💕

eren's icks hc

a/n: i was laughing so hard imagining eren do these 😭😭 also! these are mainly like random weird hcs more than icks and thank you sm i hope you enjoy<33

- says "you look prettier in the passenger seat" but then makes you drive and honestly it wouldn't so bad if he didn't have the ugliest snoring face ever

- he drinks water so aggressively, doesn't come up for air or nothing, lets the bottle crinkle up and then lets out a deep exhale like bro were you dehydrated are you okay???

- adding on from the last point, will slurp his drinks says he needs to get his money worth and its so annoying especially when he does it in the movies

- when he's trying new shoes on he'll run around saying he needs to make sure the grip is good EWWWWW he'll come up to the clerk with the box out of breath saying he didn't like them

- picks his teeth with a straw IN PUBLIC. does not care if theres toothpicks at the counter or if you have the floss ones he still chooses the straw some occasions will take the straw with him

- struggles with making a caption for a post or a bio for any social media, he makes a big fuss for it to be so bad PLS HELP HIM

- on his rubber band he has old hair still on it like THE HAIR THAT WAS RIPPED OUT IS STILL ON THE BAND. he doesn't really care and it doesn't bother him so when his hair is down the band will be on his wrist with hair on it YUCK

- he also has smacked himself with his rubber band when he's tying his hair back he puts the band into his mouth and it breaks (has done this multiple times)

- at any sport he will chase the ball. he missed to hit the ping pong ball? will chase after it. doesnt catch the basketball? will follow it off the court.

- sometimes is rude to waiters/waitress he doesn't mean to but he is BABAH. he'll snatch things out of their hand if they're taking too long at the drive thru but he does feel bad

- the ickiest one is if you have a dog or cat he will pet your animal with his foot. HE IS SO GROSS will make a yelp when your pet bites his toe

- speaking of feet he picks things up with his feet all the time, he refuses to bend down so he'll pick something up with his foot and grab it nonchalantly

not proofread

[sanjisblackasswife]

Hi Timi! I don’t know if you’re request are open and if they’re not then please ignore this! Could I get your thoughts on the monster trio and their music taste please? Also I’m jealous of your set up I want it 😭

A/N: Awe:) Thank u smm :))))❣️ Enjoy!

𝕄𝕠𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕋𝕣𝕚𝕠’𝕤 𝕄𝕦𝕤𝕚𝕔 𝕋𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕖

Ft. Luffy, Sanji, Zoro

CW: None, Sanji is implied to be in a established relationship (or u can view it as him having a crush on you), Also im not a music expert I listen to the same three songs every single day🧍🏾‍♀️, All opinions too so dont fuckin try and add your own or correct mine make ur own damn post abt it

Luffy

Luffy isn’t biased about much so I doubt he’d be biased about music. His playlist can go from Avril Lavenge to friggin Tupac to it doesn’t really matter, it’s always on shuffle too when he listens

A LOT of Eminem (Moreso his Slim Shady Era). Bro really gets hype when he listens to him. Knows the words VERY quickly.

Knuck if You Buck🧍🏾‍♀️….just….don’t ask..just know ..if he plays that song he about to get ignorant.

Missy Elliot. Loves Missy Elliot, loves her songs, style, everything.

Kinda unrelated but he has a celeb crush on Sade and Lauryn Hill. Which he also listens too.

He does love Nicki Minaj. He is a fan, he likes her 2013-16 era the most

Blast Cardi B mostly because Zoro doesn’t like her

MJ LOVEEERRRRRRRRRRRR Absolutely loves “Thriller”, “They Dont Care About Us”, and “Smooth Criminal”🧍🏾‍♀️

Plays alotta krunk songs to battle against Usopp🧍🏾‍♀️

Also he likes alotta ignorant ass TikTok audios: i.e “Island boy”

Mf be walking around the sunny like

“CUZ IM AN ISLAND BOY🗣️ JUST TRY TO MAKE ITTT ITTTTT!”

also

also

“GIRL WHERE YA GOIN”

and here go Usopp: “HMMMM YAAAA BRING DAT ASS BACK HERE”

and here go Chopper because he wanna be included: “HMMM 🅰️🅰️🅰️!”

🧍🏾‍♀️

BUT SEAN PAUL IS HIS MF GO TO. If you dance with him to any of his songs be prepared for Luffy to grind against you…it’s so attractive when he sings the song because his accent peaks through

Sanji

Very old school R&B, classical guy.

He also loves a few Megan the Stallion Songs

Another hardcore MJ fan, plays a lot during the evening

Another song he loves is Jealous by Labrinth. It’s something he usually plays when he is on the deck smoking and thinking.

Same with Jorja Smith he loves her songs as well

If you can catch it, while Sanji is cooking you can sometimes hear him sing Love Story by Indlia and it’s the prettiest voice you’ll ever hear.

He also plays songs like Tadow and Infruanami. They’re his new faves.

Will play them old school songs like Just The Two of Us and some Al Green

He has such an old soul😭

He really plays them because they remind him of you, but three songs that reminds him of you (besides all of ‘em) are Easily by Bruno Major, Dark Red by Steve Lacy, and Not Around by Nova

Also loves Teynna Taylor and Rihanna sm

A “guilty pleasure” song he loves to hear is that one song that go like “my neck my back lick my 🐱 and my crack”🧍🏾‍♀️

and yes he made you a playlist

also yes he has a playlist for when he has sex (it’s really good actually)

Zoro

“IM THE PREDATOR—-“

I’m sorry.

Just kidding.

Eh. Zoro just hates Cardi B songs.

Dont ask why he just does they irritate him.

Anyways ummmmmm he listens to chill lo-fi. He does he is a very simple guy. There are a few Lauryn Hill songs he vibes too, a few very chill R&B

I actually don’t see him listening to anything very loud like rock music or anything. If he is ganna listen to music while working out he needs to be as focused and relaxed as he can.

Somehow always finds THE BEST underground jazz/R&B artist???

Like his playlist is SO interesting and filled with hidden gems

He like SZA on the low

Luffy put him on

Vibes to Brent Faiyaz when he is just chilling cleaning his swords

He doesn’t listen to music much in the first place but it’s cute to hear him mutter the songs to himself when he does.

[lowkeyrobin]

How did I never realize you wrote for Josh, Juicy and Eddie too omg?? :00 that's so cool

Also!

Could I request a Foolish x Reader with them being online friends meeting up irl for the first time (stupid sillies crushing on each other and flustered confessions have a death grip on me lmao)

I recently got back into the boys so 🙏🙏 just doing God's work yk? this app needs to be blessed by x reader fics of them so mwahhahaah (leave me sm reqs for them idec) ; ooo okay okay I see u bro, I got you ; thanks for requesting and I hope you enjoy! ; post writing me, sorry this is so short, idek man I had a couple paragraphs then deleted them bc they were so unnecessary lolll ; ALSO TWO POSTS TODAY!! I might post tonight but we'll see. two of these oneshots are hurting my brain bc idk what to do LMAOOO

FOOLISH GAMERS ; flustered confessions

summary ; you meet up with foolish irl and dorkily confess your feelings

warnings ; language, supportive little elderly people 🫶

word count ; 491

masterlist

You were now sitting in Foolish's office, watching him finish editing a video he didn't complete before he left to pick you up from the airport. You lay on the floor, a plushie shark used as a pillow for your head, the (mostly nonexistent) jetlag getting the best of you.

He turns around in his swirly chair, finding you on the floor. "You okay?" He smiles.

You nod in response, his smile making you feel a twisty-turny feeling in your stomach as it was swarmed with butterflies. "You wanna go get something to eat? I'm starving"

"Yeah, sure. Where do you wanna go?" He speaks, grabbing his phone and wallet off his desk to shove them in his pants pockets.

"Anything local?" You suggest, sitting up to put the plushie back where it went on his shelving system.

"Yeah, I have a few ideas" He nods with a little smile, "C'mon, I'll drive"

"Yes sir"

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Foolish had taken you two to a little diner on the edge of town. You sit in the high tops in front of one of the large windows, sipping on cool glasses of water and chewing on the sandwiches you'd ordered.

An elderly couple walks past, smiling as they see the two of you laughing and smiling together. The old woman smiles as her and her husband slowly walk past, her frail voice respectfully quieting the two of you.

"You two are so adorable together. You better put a ring on that finger, young man"

Foolish's cheeks quickly redden as he smiles kindly at the old woman. "Oh, thank you"

You giggle, feeling your face flush a bit.

The old lady gives you both a warm smile, the same as her husband's, as they walk away toward the front counter to place their order. You and Foolish look at each other, nervous and flustered looks plastered on your faces.

"That was..." You start.

"Yeah." He chuckles, trying to hide his smile.

You snicker, looking away for a moment.

You're both quiet for a minute, not knowing how to redirect the conversation.

"I mean... she wasn't wrong." Foolish shrugs, catching your gaze with his awkward smile.

"Huh?" You question, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I think we look cute together," He says, his voice cracking a little bit. "I like you," He shrugs, trying to act nonchalantly as he looks for a reaction in your eyes.

You blink a few times, trying to find a way to react as you scan over every scenario in your head. "Oh" is the only thing to slip out from your mouth.

"Oh?"

"No, like, good! Sorry"

"No, no, you're fine! Uh-"

"Sorry"

You talk over each other, still flustered and nervous around each other.

"Would you wanna make this a date?" You quickly ask, stealing the words from Foolish's mouth.

"Yeah!" He smiles, "Sure"

"Cool"

"We can't tell Quackity about this, okay?"

"Oh, yeah, of course"

[impactedfates]

JDBJDBDKN i’m new and in the nicest way possible, your fix’s are so TASTY I WANT TO EAT THEM SO BAD.

Not the same anon who requested the Jing Yuan’s child fics but I really loved them sm, could I get a continuation of that AU on more of reader’s divination abilities and antics and come with it? 💕💕

A/N: YOU'RE TOO KIND STOP INFOAF, I'M GLAD YOU LIKE MY FICS :D MORE DIVINER READER COMING RIGHT UP >:)

Genre/Trope: Platonic + Mainly just more HCs on reader and their antics in the divination commission with Fu Xuan (Auntie Fu Xuan anyone?)

Format: Head Cannons + Mini Scenarios

Warnings: None

Extra: More Fu Xuan in this then Jing Yuan as we're talking about readers job lol // Not fully proofread, just rambles of this AU // Reader is a teen in this // Original Jing Yuans child fic here

I feel like how you wanting to be a diviner was when Fu Xuan had to babysit you once when Jing Yuan was busy. During this time she decided to take you to work and show you the magic future things. This sparked you, you came home and told Jing Yuan you wanted to be like Auntie Fu Xuan. He was happy you took an interest but uh *ahem* (Fu Xuan won that day)

On the rare days you do decide to be nice and not trick whoever your doing a divination for, I feel if you don't laugh or do a dramatic wince and you're serious about it. They STILL think you're pretending, thinking something really bad is going to happen.

To be honest, no matter what you do they'll think you're pretending until you're older I feel. If you wince genuinely or not they'll think you're joking as well.

[Name]: Bro your house is gonna get robbed… Random: Yeah right, what's actually going to happen? [Name]: I'M SERIOUS, YOU'RE GONNA BE HOMELESS :fearful: Random: So I'm tripping on a pebble tomorrow?

You usually have lunch with Fu Xuan, she'll probably take you somewhere peaceful where she'll eat lunch by your side...however, if word got to her that you messed with people again during the job? Expect a big lecture during your lunch break.

Qingque loves you, like. She loves your antics so much. She loves hearing them and if she manages to convince you to slack off with her, better pray Fu Xuan doesn't catch the both of you.

As much as Fu Xuan does lecture you, she cares a l o t for you. If anyone tells her you're in trouble with enemies, best believe the person who's the cause of it will be seeing a VERY angry Fu Xuan.

The two of you gossip ONLY if the both of you agree whoever youse just did a divination for was an ass. And Fu Xuan can be s a s s y.

When you were younger you tried to make some food with the things you found in your kitchen and gave it to both Fu Xuan and Jing Yuan for their lunch at work. Sadly...as a child you weren't exactly a world class chef...but they both still ate it to keep you happy.

Fu Xuan most definitely favours you over the other diviners she works with. It's so clear to the others with how she lectures others more harsher then she does you. Also your punishment for misbehaviour or slacking is always so little. But can they blame her? You're her nibling! (GN! term of nephew/niece I think)

You horribly drew her once as a gift when you were like 6 and it's been on her fridge ever since.

I did add a Jing Yuan header first, but after writing this I realised this is more of a reader and Fu Xuan centered thing so changed it lol. Fu Xuan needs more content I feel, she's so interesting!! My next requests are all fics/mini scenarios so I'll get on those as soon as I can >:D

Also! Recently made an art blog for my ocs and other things, feel free to give it a follow if you want :>>

Art Blog: @argentimybeloved

[dilucqwq]

aaaa another diluc simp <3 can I request some general dating headcanons for him pls? I just know he'd be a total sweetheart as a boyfriend ;-;

ofc <33333 i love this man sm he’s adorable

Diluc Dating Headcannons

A/N this is my first time actually doing this bc i’ve been on and off of tumblr bc of school so plz excuse any mistakes!

This man is emotionally constipated I literally can’t lie

Ofc then there is beautiful amazing radiant stunning y/n who steps into his life one day ✨✨

Probably doesn’t catch feelings right away, you’ll have to develop a friendship with him first

After that bro falls so hard for you

Like, where were you in his life before??? When did you get so damn attractive in his eyes???

He’s a demisexual

He’ll want to confess but he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship he built with you

Due to the encouragement of his friends (or peer pressuring of Kaeya and Venti) he’ll eventually confess

(i have this personal headcannon that it was on Windblume bc i find that so romantic)

When y’all start dating he’ll be super protective (bc he’s made enemies and doesn’t want them to target you)

He’ll try his best not to be overbearing tho

He still does worry a lot and will need reassurance that you will be fine

Very shy about PDA, however will interlock pinkies while walking out in public

As the relationship develops he will start to hold hands and even hug/kiss you in public (if you’re comfortable with it)

Visit him while he’s working in the tavern! He’s gonna have this grumpy face while working when he’s stressed (especially with Kaeya and Venti around) but when you walk in all tension melts away

Thinks you are an angel sent from the heavens

At home, he will want cuddles from you, he needs to de-stress after a long day

Will do his best to have dinner with you every night, and he tries to let you know if he can’t make it

Never forgets important dates. Birthday? Breakfast in bed with his schedule cleared out so y’all can spend the whole day together. Anniversary? Flowers next to your bed stand and a romantic dinner later while watching the sun set

Speaking of breakfast in bed, this man can COOK (have you seen his specialty dish? I’d eat that man’s meat 😋 )

On special occasions like those, he will want to cook, it makes it seem so special <3

Doesn’t get jealous easily except with Kaeya

Will try to communicate about this (or any issues) but this man hasn’t really had any social interaction since his father died

He’s trying bc he doesn’t want you to be upset at him and believes that y’all can talk it out

plz be patient with him :(

If you do get along with Kaeya, he will do his best to mend his relationship (My ragbros heart </3)

Whispers “I love you” into your ear in the mornings

Says it sparringly, however, so when he does say it, it feels all the more special

Will always check up you when he can

Always gives you small trinkets that reminds him of you

Never throws out any gifts you give him (you found a cecilia flower you gave him pressed in between the pages of his notebook)

Does his best to always make you smile bc he doesn’t want to see you cry

Overall he’s such a sweetheart 12/10 would recommend <333

[koolades-world]

Hiiii are your requests open?? If so could I request the Demon bros (or just Levi Beel and Belphie) comforting s/o after a long and hard day at work? Feel free to ignore if you don't wanna!

Love ur work btw!! ☆♡☆♡☆

hiii!! I’m pretty sure you’re my first ever requester! yay! I’ve been looking forward to this. Requests are open and will be unless I explicitly say they aren’t :D

Thank you sm!!! Sorry if this wasn’t exactly what you imagined. Don’t be afraid to give feedback. Let me know you vision so if you request again in the future, I’ll be better suited to write to your taste next time! Let me know what you think :)

I literally love requests since they give me ideas that I wouldn’t normally come up with, and I’m always itching to write about something. Requests make me feel special LOL kicking my feet, twirling my hair, giggling rn

also sorry that this is so late! it's exam season lol

Demon brothers comforting their s/o after a particularly hard day at work

Lucifer

convinced he would also be half asleep while comforting his s/o this man catches no breaks, except when around his beloved <3

His love language is quality time, so he wants to show you he cares by finally putting down the pen and just relaxing together

Would brew them a cup of his signature coffee, docked up as you like it, of course. Lucky you, he doesn’t do that for just anyone!

Mans down bad lol

Lucifer heard the door opening from his office. He recognized the sound of Mc’s footsteps in the hall as they hung up their coat and tucked away their work shoes. They were oddly silent, though. They usually called out to him, or burst into his home office to tell them about their day. He saw them shuffle past the open door and to their bedroom.

He decided it let it go for now. He wasn’t sure what was wrong, but if they needed him, they would come to him. He didn’t need to investigate. However, as he tried to focus on the work, he found himself reading the same paragraph over and over again as he though about Mc. After not even five minutes of debating, he got up with vigor and made his way to their room.

They were sprawled out over on the bed, face down. He quickly moved to flip them over. He let out a small sigh of relief now he saw their eyes were open. “What are you doing?” Lucifer sat next to Mc.

“I’m tired, Luci.” They grabbed the pillow he always used and put it over their face, their voice muffled.

“Are you feeling unwell?” He removed the pillow so he could see their face again.

“I guess you could say that. Everyone at work was so annoying today and I’m ready to do nothing now.” He stopped Mc from rolling over again and pulled them into his side.

“Let me make you something to drink. Go sit in the living room. Do you have any preferences?” He looked them right in the eyes.

“No, but one of the coffees you make the best sounds nice, maybe please?" He sighed lovingly a little at their antics. They clearly wanted this coffee.

“Consider it done. Now go sit.” He stood them up and gently pushed them out of the room. They disappeared out of view while he quickly brewed the coffee. He returned as fast as he could and sat next to them. Pressing the hot coffee into their hands, he placed his other hand on their head to pat them.

“Do you want to talk about your day?” He picked up his own mug and payed close attention to his partner. They agreed and began ranting about what coworker #1 did and how annoying coworker #2 was at lunch. While he listened carefully, he also took the moment to admire them, for no particular reason.

“… and that’s pretty much it I think. It felt good to get that out of my system.” Their coffee had cooled off by now. They took a small sip to test the temperature, and then took a few bigger ones once they knew it was safe.

“Good. Now if you don’t have anything urgent to do, I would prefer if we could sit together and enjoy each other’s company.” Lucifer scooted closer to press their legs together, so even though their hands were busy, they could still enjoy contact.

“That sounds nice. You’re the best, Luci.”

They basked in each other company for the next few hours, or however long that was. They weren’t really sure, but they were sure they were going to take as much time together as they could.

Mammon

It’s normal for him to be right on top of his s/o as soon as they walk through the door, but once he notices how worn they seem, he enters protective mode

“Who hurt my human?!” “Nobody Mammon, work was just tough” “oh”

No but in all realness, he would let down his tsundere facade to make sure you’re ok

Kisses!

Will convince you to let him make dinner to let you relax. He’s not the best, but he’s going to try, just for you <3

Afterwards, will cuddle together to make sure you day ends nicely

Mammon sat in front of the TV on their couch, his leg kicked up on the coffee table, aimlessly flickering through the channels. His duties were never too heavy, so he always found himself consuming human content. Humans were fascinating.

He heard keys jiggle in the front door. His human was finally home! He scrambled to his feet and patiently waited just out of the range of the door so he wouldn’t get hit by it when it opened. As usual, he threw himself at Mc as soon as they walked in. However, he noticed they were less responsive than usual. He took a step back and smoothed some of their hair back from their forehead. They weren’t smiling.

“Human? What’s the matter with ya?” He shook them by their shoulders.

“Work was the worst today. The day couldn’t have gone by any slower. I really missed you.” They slumped into his embrace. As he held them, he thought for a moment. He knew his usual demeanor wasn’t the most relaxing to deal with at times, and now was one of those times. For the sake of his Mc, he decided to drop his facade.

“Listen, how does this sound? Let me do the cookin’ tonight. Ya need to relax. I can feel the tension in yer shoulders. Ya go shower n’ relax or whatever, while I do the hard work. We can watch yer favorite movie too. If yer still feeling off tomorrow, ya can call in sick and have us time.” The warm smile that finally crept into Mc face, the one he had been looking for. He kissed their forehead, rubbing his thumbs in circles on their back.

“Thank you, Mammon. Everything you need is in the fridge. The recipe is in the cookbook.” They kissed the tip of his nose, kicking off their shoes and coat. They abandoned their work bag at the dining table before disappearing into their bedroom. He found himself stupidly standing there smiling for a moment. He could hear the blood rushing to his face. He snapped to it quickly. Mc needed him, and he was going to deliver. The cookbook was just a notebook the two of them had filled with their favorite recipes. A bookmark stuck out of one part, letting him know what to cook. He recognized it as his favorite human world food. Diavolo, he loved them. He cooked as fast as he could, so that when Mc got out of the shower, they would have a hot meal waiting for them.

Unfortunately, they were done before him, but at least he got the nice surprise of them laying their head on his shoulder and wrapping their arms around him as he cooked. Food was done shortly after, which Mc scarfed down.

“You’re the best Mammon. I love you.” They put their head ok his shoulder again as they sat side by side on the couch watching their favorite movie. He smiled into their hair and gave them a kiss on the top of the head.

“Love ya too.” He stayed silent for a moment, trying to decide what to say next. However, they had somehow fallen asleep. Had he really taken that long to think about what to say? No matter the case, he knew as long as they were happy, he was happy.

Levi

A worrier, will stress over every small thing he did because he’s concerned you’re upset over something he did

After a little thinking, he gathers the courage to go apologize only to realize it wasn’t his fault, he’s so precious 🥺

he’s so sweet, will offer whatever it takes to get his player two feeling better again

If you want to play games together, y’all are playing games. If you want to go out, y’all are going out

Y’all gotta place more respect on his name, I love him 😫 (please my little brother literally nicknamed him hotdog water 😭😭)

At first, Levi didn’t even realize Mc was home. As usual, he was holed up in his gaming room. Mc usually came into his room to give him a kiss and let him know they were home. He looked forward to it everyday. But today was different. The time they usually got home came and past, no word for them.

Levi paused what he was doing to think. It was almost an hour past the time Mc usually arrived home. No texts or calls from them he may have missed. He began to freak out. What if they got into an accident on the way home? What if they needed help but had no way of letting him know? He went to worst case scenario almost immediately. He stood up so fast he got lightheaded, but he didn’t care. He began tearing through the whole house in search of them.

His search ended quickly. He found Mc sitting in the kitchen with a bowl of cornflakes. They didn’t even notice him. As he let out one worry, another one flooded in. Was Mc mad at him? Why else would they not come to see him after they got home from work? He quickly tried to begin thinking of what he might have done to make them upset. Before he could think any longer, Mc noticed him standing in the doorway.

“Levi?” They tiredly put another spoonful of cereal in their mouth, and almost spit it out after Levi threw himself to his knees at their chair.

“Mc! I’m so sorry for everything! You’re the coolest person I know and I don’t deserve you! I’ll do anything to make it up to you!” He looked up at the sadly.

“What are you sorry for? I’m not mad at you. Should I be?” They put the spoon down and got up from the chair to crouch next to Levi.

“Wait, you’re not mad at me?” He paused and look at them.

“I’m not.” While they weren’t mad, Levi could tell something was wrong. They made no further move to continue the conversation, so he carried it himself. He wasn’t used to that.

“You didn’t stop in my room once you got home, so I just automatically assumed you were mad at me. I’m sorry for being so stupid.” He hung his head.

“Oh, no. You don’t have to apologize. Today work was just rough, so I went to get something to eat and unwind with. You told me that your raid was today, so I figured you would find me. Sorry if I worried you.” They side hugged him. He felt bad after he heard them speak. They were just tired and worn down by work. He immediately resolved to make it up to them.

“Well, uhm, if you’ll let someone gross like me help you, is there anything I can do to make you feel better? Anything at all?” Levi asked.

“If you’re offering, just spending time together sounds nice. Tell me about your day.” So he took a seat next to them and began doing what he did best: talking about video games. They watched him intently, occasionally remembering to eat the now soggy cereal that was in front of them. In the middle of his rambling, they gave him a kiss on the cheek. He paused and went bright red.

“To make up for the kiss I missed earlier, and as a thank you always being there. I love you, my admiral.” They smiled at him, the first time he has seen them smile that day.

“I… I love you too.” He was still embarrassed sometimes to say that, but it was all worth it to see the smile on their face.

Satan

Definitely thinks his way of destressing is the best: going to an animal shelter, playing with the cats, and then donating <3

However if you two lived separate from the rest, he’s 100% getting two cats minimum so the cats are right there! would still donate though since it makes him happy

Also firmly believes another really good way to unwind is to just say everything out loud. If you don’t want to tell him, that’s fine, he can leave the room or make it so he can’t hear what you’re saying

If not, he will talk your ear off (endearingly) about his latest read over tea

“Dear, are you home already? I thought you were going out with coworkers right after work?” Satan didn’t look up from his book but he had heard the door open as well the familiar jingling of their keys. Their two cats immediately got up from where they were resting on the back of the sofa and on his lap respectively to greet his partner. He finally looked up to see Mc standing with both the fuzz balls in arms, looking more tired then he’d ever seen them.

“What’s the matter?” He instantly knew something was wrong. He couldn’t place it, but something was off.

“It’s a long story.” They jumped over the back of the sofa and sunk down in the seat next to him. The three of them snuggled into his side, making him melt.

“Do you want to tell me the shortened version?” He placed a hand on their head. They leaned into his shoulder.

“That sounds great actually. Some of it is just office drama but it’s so tiring.” They began ranting to him about their awful day and how the minutes seemed to slow all day. “The only thing that kept me sane was thinking about you and our sons.”

Mc’s remark made him begin to heat up. It’s a good thing they weren’t looking at him. His heart swelled at even the thought of Mc referring to the group as a family. To be fair, they really did treat their cats as their sons and definitely received better treatment than some children. Part of him hoped one day he could prove himself a better father than Lucifer was to him. He couldn’t hope for a better partner. He gave them a kiss on the head.

“I think you need to hear that you’re the sweetest, most loving person I’ve ever met. No matter what happens, work or otherwise, you’ll always have my shoulder to lean on.” A small meow from between them told them that the cats wanted to be included too.

“Thank you, all three of you. Now, did you guys do anything fun while I was out? Please tell me you had a better day?” They looked at the group before them.

“I’m gonna tell them what you did. Yeah, someone had to do it. Stop that!” Satan laughed as the cats batted at his face. He knew no matter what, his partner loved hearing about everything the two cats got up to. Their hijinks could always be the highlight of anyone’s day. While he was in the middle of telling his story, Mc planted a kiss on his cheek.

“You’re a blessing from the heavens.” They wrapped their arms around his neck and leaned in closer. The meaning hit him directly in the feels. The fact that the most important important person in his life considered him, the odd one out of his brothers, a blessing from the heavens was more than enough to make his heart swell.

“I couldn’t ask anymore from a partner.” He gave them a kiss back, and continued the story wrapped up in their arms.

Asmo

You know exactly what he thinks would be best for you

Spa day!! He can give you the routine to die for and the entire time, he will he chattering like a nail tech who’s had you as a long time client

Anything you want is yours right now

He knows this won’t solve your problems, but he knows it will give you the right state of mind so you can solve them when the time comes

In the meantime, he’ll be your biggest cheerleader and kiss you better <3

“Babe! You’re home! I can’t wait to show you what finally arrived today through the human Akuzon! These nail stickers are to die for! Do you know if the human standards would allow them to survive that lava hot springs I love?” Asmo skidded around the corner to the front door as soon as he heard it open. He was holding up a little sheet covered in plastic wrap with cute little icons lined up in neat rows. However, Mc hadn’t even looked up from their shoes as they shuffled into front of him. They placed their head on his chest and leaned into him. "Babe?" Mc only made a strange groaning noise and hugged him when he tried to move away. They gripped him tightly. They still had their bag on their shoulder and keys in hand.

"What's wrong? Did someone at work do this to you?" He patted their back the best he could since they had his arms pinned down by their hug. They sat in silence for a moment, and Asmo was about to speak up again when they finally said something.

"I've just had such a long day. Just being around you is comforting, is all." They sighed happily as he began to stroke their head.

"I know exactly the cure to your woes! How does a super relaxing spa night sound? I just learned how to give hydrating facial and brought these new products for it! If you're up for it, do you think I could do your nails too? These little bow stickers are so cute." He thought that by pampering his beloved and being supportive he could give them the help they needed to get back up. They had done the same for him before.

"That sounds great. You always know how to make me feel better." Mc got on their tip toes to kiss his cheek. He internally squealed. He hugged them back excitedly.

“You’re going to love this! Go get changed into something comfortable while I get my things together. These stuffy work clothes don’t look very breathable.” He was reluctant to release them. He adored them. Eventually they tapped his arm, signaling they were ready to be released. He let go, but before they could walk off, he took their face in both his hands and kissed the tip of their nose.

“Love you Mc. Really, I do. I tell you everyday but I just want to make sure you understand that.” He pushed some hair away from their eyes with his thumbs.

"I love you too, Asmo. I really don’t know what I would do without you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.” They overlayed their hands with his and gave him a kiss back. Before he could retaliate, they backed away. After a playful wink, they disappeared around the corner he has initially ran around to get to them. He stood there for a minute, starstruck. It was moments like these that made him question why he ever thought he was the most beautiful thing alive when Mc existed.

Beel

You know the drill babes, say it on 3

Food!! Food is always the answer which is my favorite mentality

Food is what comforts him, especially foods that remind him of you, like what you consider comfort food

He will resist the urge to eat all the ingredients and make this food just for you, to see the look of hot on your face when the presents it to you

You know how hard that is for him which makes it all the more special

Beel was patiently waiting for Mc to get home from work. He did this sometimes, so it wasn’t unusual. However, what was unusual was how long he found himself waiting. He had a very good internal sense of time. He always knew when to stop whatever he was doing to wait for them. His internal timer went off about ten minutes before they got home. If they had told him they would be late that day, the timer wouldn’t go off until later. Today, though, he hasn’t heard anything from them.

He found himself worrying. They were very good with always being on time. He checked his phone. He hadn’t missed anything from them. His brothers were chatting up a storm, but that was it. He decided to text Mc, since what argument Mammon and Levi had gotten into today wasn’t as important as checking up on them.

He quickly send a short message, asking how they were and what they wanted for dinner. Thankfully, he got a response pretty quickly. They told him they were just caught in a lot of traffic, and their coworker has needed a ride home since their car broke down that morning. They didn’t explicitly state it, but he could tell they were tired. He knew how work was difficult sometimes. After hearing them say they were really in the mood for jambalaya, he set his mind to making some.

He knew how warm and comforting it was to return home to a warm meal and the one you love. Mc had treated him to that on many occasions and now it was his time to return the favor. He had seen them make it many times, and while he had never had a hand in making it himself, he thought he could do it. Luckily, they had everything they needed. He gathered everything he needed, and carefully recalled any memories he could of Mc making this food. All of these memories were fond, and he hoped to convy this through his cooking.

When the front door finally opened, Beel was almost done cooking. The smell of the spices was thick in the air. He left the meal simmering on the stove and went to greet Mc.

"Beel, what's that smell?" They set down their work bag and sniffed their air.

"Dinner. I made jambalaya." He smiled, excited to see the grin blooming on their face.

"Awwwww, Beel! You shouldn't have!" They threw their arms around him and squeezed him as tight as they could. All the work and effort he had but into not eating the ingredients was worth it. Mc quicky went to change out of their work outfit so they could sit down together and enjoy dinner together. The smile on Mc's face was worth the world.

Belphie

Even though he thinks sleeping fixes everything, he will do more than the bare minimum for you!

Takes it upon himself to gather his most comfortable pillows and blankets to make a nest for you, kind of like a squirrel lol

Brings offerings of baked goods and your favorite takeout

Will do whatever you want basically <3

Belphie was asleep, as usual, when Mc got home. Normally, he was able to sleep right through this and was awoken by a kiss on the forehead by them. Today was slightly different. The sounds were the same. The soft opening and closing of both the front door and their bedroom door, the jingiling of keys, and the rustling of their coat. However, he had actually awoken before his usual forehead kiss. Something wasn't right. Belphie sat up and watched as Mc walked around them room, setting everything in it's place. They looked over at him, surprised.

"Belphie, you're awake earlier than usual. It is my turn to cook tonight, right?" Mc stopped to check the date.

"Yes." He was still half asleep as they made their way over to him. As they kissed him on the forehead, he grabbed their hands to stop them from leaving. "Is something wrong?"

"No, I'm alright. Just tired." Mc sighed and avoided eye contact. He knew that wasn't the truth. Trying to lie and tell a sloth demon you were tired when you actually weren't was futile.

"Tell me what's bothering you." He caught their gaze.

"Work was hard today. I had to do a lot of writing too. I'm sick of it right now." They told him after he gazed at them with his best doe eyes. He flipped their hands over in his own to look at them. They looked more red that usual.

"What do you want for dinner? I'll order takeout. And don't tell me whatever or anything is fine. We are getting what you want." He pulled them to sit beside him.

"Well, pizza sounds good." They laughed a little about how oddly stern he sounded.

"Good. Now go shower while I get everything ready." Belphie shooed his beloved away lovingly. They were amused by this again, but did as he asked. He quickly ordered some pizza over the phone, and then quickly began preparing a comfortable place for them to rest. He arranged everything in a nest like structure, leaving room for the both of them in the center. He turned on the TV as well, finding Mc's favorite show. At night, he knew they would rewatch this show while he was fast asleep, but this time, he would watch it with them. He knew how happy it made them to share what they loved with him.

Before they got out of the shower, the pizza had arrived. After making sure the box wasn't too greasy, he placed it on one of their side tables. He didn't insert himself into the bundle yet, though. He was waiting for Mc. Instead, he sat on the end of the bed, on his D.D.D. When they emerged from the bathroom, they were toweling their hair. He led them to sit beside him and began toweling their hair for them. He was still oddly serious the entire time, causing Mc to giggle, but was still touched by it. He tucked them into the blanket amalgamation and put on their favorite show, presenting them with the food. They could feel themselves falling deeper in love with him.

"Love you." Mc kissed his forehead.

"Love you too." He mirrored this action, to show his affection for them. What would he do without this human?

[strawberry-cowmilk]

Hi, hi! May I request for the bros and child! MC? Just general head canons and how they get along yk yk.

I love ur works sm, and dw if u don't wanna write this <3 Tyyyyy! <3

Bonus: child! MC calls the bros "Big brother" but calls Lucifer "dad" or "papa" <3 thanks again! And ofc, don't pressure urself ok?

Hi! It's no trouble at all, don't worry about it! I'm happy to hear you like my work. Anyways, I hope you like this!

the brothers with a child mc

a/n: I know there are some real perverts out there: this is NOT meant to describe a romantic relationship between the brothers and mc at all. I don't want you on my blog, but the police sure wants you in their jails ♡♡

mc's gender is not mentioned, not proof read

content warnings: children

-----

Lucifer

he was really shocked when the exchange student turned out to be a child

'diavolo we made a mistake-'

but well, now he might as well look after you, right?

everyone can tell how soft mr avatar of pride is for the tiny human, lucifer frees up time from work to play games with you

he feels an even stronger need to protect you when you call him 'dad'

Mammon

mammon is great with kids

he literally spends a lot of money on toys and clothes to make you happy

he feels like he's been granted the highest title of honor when you call him your big brother

one time simeon and luke came over and the first thing they saw was mammon running around the house with you, having the time of your life, on his back

Leviathan

at first he wanted nothing to do with some human child

until mammon and beel basically forced him to play video games with you, they didn't want you thinking levi hates you

his door is now always open for you to play child friendly games on his playstation (levi hid his more violent games just in case)

also he often lets you win against him, and he thinks it's really sweet of you to pay attention to henry 2.0

Satan

the exchange student is a literal child? well somebody has to make sure you don't get badly influenced by his wild brothers

he wouldn't want you to learn how to steal like mammon, or end up like levi

also satan reads you books as bedtime stories and takes you to cat cafes so you can play with all the cats you want

the cat cafe staff thought you were his child, satan almost fell over when you said 'nope, he's my big brother'

Asmodeus

he thinks your absolutely adorable, as long as you don't draw on any walls or get paint on his clothes

if you want, you can makeup on him, it doesn't matter if it looks bad, asmo likes dressing up in matching outfits too

asmo took you to his shoot once, he really needed a moment when you introduced yourself to the photographer as asmo's little sibling

one time solomon came to visit, asmo nearly tackled him when he realised solomon was going to give you some homemade poison cookies

Beelzebub

he provides you with all the candy and akudonald's you want, beel can't say no to you

he sometimes lets you try out some of his workout equipment, under supervision of course

beel almost cried during a whole fangol match the time he took you to a game and you told his team he was your big brother

said game got interrupted when the other team tackled beel and you tried to run onto the field to help him

Belphegor

he knows human children need naps sometimes, but they can be stubborn

belphie invented a genius way to get you to sleep: he got you a giant teddy bear and told you it was tired and wanted company while sleepy

all of the brothers almost cry when they see you napping with the giant bear

belphie is the youngest, it catches him a little off guard when you call him 'big brother', but he thinks it's adorable regardless

[spiderrmax]

tweek + gen. headcanons

request: "gotta love my man tweek. can we get him some good old fluff head cannons" author's note: i love tweek sm. he's probably one of my fav characters. also since u didn't specify i did platonic & romantic bc i only write romantic tweek w a male reader :)

platonic

You’re going to be the one who starts the friendship; his anxiety causes him to be too scared to say anything to you. It also takes a bit, his mind finds something wrong with everything, so he’ll believe you are talking to him for malicious reasons. Just consistently being nice to him will break down his walls, and allow him to see you as a friend.

Once you’re friends though, expect a lot of frantic texts and calls. He knows you’ll listen, and you’re one of the people he trusts the most. He’s a spam texter too, so you’ll have like 8 notifications if his anxiety gets really bad. He appreciates it when you take time to respond, whereas other people would've just laughed at how ridiculous he is.

Might have your contact pinned in his phone so he doesn’t have to scroll to find it.

Acts like a lost puppy when he’s not with you. He just stands idly, playing with his fingers, until you enter the room, then he starts to follow you! He doesn’t need you to address him or anything, before in close proximity with you eases his worries.

He is definitely a protective friend! He hates fighting and confrontation but doesn’t let anyone say anything rude about. 

Will, if in a good mood, let you get free refills at Tweeks Coffee Bro’s. Doesn’t even mind his dad’s ramblings about losing profit.

Speaking of the cafe, loves when you’re studying there. Again, just being close helps with his anxiety, which gets at an all time high when he’s working.

Eventually feels confident enough to mock your drink choice. If you get a frappuccino or add three sweeteners he’ll say something like, ”That’s not even coffee.” He’s probably a black coffee drinker don’t take it personally

The type to wait for you when you’re tying your shoes. The moment you drop to the ground he stops walking and waits. You can try and tell him he can keep going and you’ll catch up but he’s stubborn

Always assumes you two will be partners in class. The moment the teacher says “partner assignment,” he is making eye contact with you. You always agree, because he’s definitely a good partner, making sure to do his fair share of work.

I think he’d like making friendship bracelets; it gives him something to do with his hands. You guys probably have matching chevron patterns!

romantic

Similar to how your friendship started, you probably have to ask him out.

However, he has probably liked you for a while! His crush definitely would start a few months into your friendship

He thinks you’re really nice and cute but what if you don’t like boys? What if you’re homophobic? That’s too much pressure!

So, you have to ask him out. He says yes, with a completely red face that doesn’t fade for hours. He’ll think about you and it comes back with the same intensity, it’s really sweet.

Tweek would rather keep your relationship private. He’s not embarrassed of you, but hates being the big talk of town. Especially because his parents would make it a big deal.

Once you’ve been dating for a while, I feel like he’d be the type to soft launch you. He’d post a photo on his instagram with two coffee cups, or maybe just a photo of you two holding hands. Something subtle, and with a heart as the caption.

If you guys ever decide to come out, he’ll have you tagged in his bio. You asked if he was cool doing it and he was just excited to do cool couple stuff with you!

Using those lame coffee pick up lines causes him to roll his eyes but the flush in his ears give him away.

“I like you a latte!” “Gah! That was so lame.” 

He probably memorizes your order after a bit. If he knows you'll coming to the cafe, he'll have your drink prepared.

When he goes to write your name on the cup, definitely doodles little hearts around it. He got embarrassed the first time you pointed it out, but keeps doing it.

Brings you up so much in conversation, not even really meaning to. He just loves you a lot; you’re on his mind frequently. 

His favorite things are sleepovers. It takes a bit of convincing to get your parents on board but he sleeps so much better when he’s with you.

Can be a big spoon or little spoon depending on the day and how the both of you are feeling. However, he prefers to lay facing you. When he can’t sleep he enjoys memorizing the freckles and moles on your face.

Whenever you stay over, he loves making you breakfast. He finds a lot of comfort in cooking/baking and enjoys sharing his creations with you! He’s actually really good at it, from years of practice.

His love languages are probably words of affirmation and quality time. He gets in his head a lot so he needs you to be able to ground him. He loves going out on little dates or just hanging in the cafe or one of your guys’ bedrooms!

[kanmom51]

JK ain’t gay expose

*Disclaimer:  If you don’t have a sense of humour don’t bother reading this post.

Part 2 of part 3 of our JK ain’t gay expose.

In which we’ll disclose super secret transcripts of secret recordings that don’t exist that have come our way from our super secret agent who’s true identity we canine (typo intended) divulge at this point in time (wham BAM thank you mam).  

Just a random pic.  Nothing to do with our secret agent.  Not at all.  Ignore it. 

IGNORE IT.

The recordings were made sometime before JM’s birthday, early October 2022, exact date unknown to us, as we are still experiencing difficulties with our translator from and to doggie (god, get your minds out of the gutter - doggie language not style).

These recordings we don’t have, god, they are damning.

A conversation that never ever happened between our manliest macho macho man JK and his buddy and protector of his secret relationship with his long term girlfriend, now turned fiancé and mother of his future child (you know - the one from the restaurant).

This transcript which is not at all a figment of my imagination (or is it?) will finally prove to what lengths these two would go to hide JK’s gf from us, their most trustworthy fandom, those who love them oh so much, those who know them the most in the world, those who listen to what they say.  My god, the violation of our trust in them.

I tell you, after reading this transcript I AM SHOOK.

Here we go people, get ready to have your minds blown:

JK:  Jyaman, my man, how did your recording go today?

JM:  Yeah, not too bad.  Been working round the clock.  

JK:   So, dude, you know I don’t do small talk, I’ll get right to it.  I need a HUGE favour from you Jyaman, my Jyaman, my mate, my everything, but you know, ew, not EVERYTHING.

JM:  What is it Jungkookie?  What do you need me to do?  You know I’ll always be there for you.  You are my everything too, well not EVERYTHING, you know not EVERYTHING, although you do remember that time with the purple ribbon...ahm, yeah...

JK: (Throat clearing) Things with yyyy are getting serious, but you already know that, right?  You literally helped me choose the engagement ring together, dah.  Anyways, ma man, things are getting tricky for me.  Too many people are saying you and I are not a thing anymore.  

You know, our fanservice thing we used to do to protect Tae and my loving relationship.  

Wait, no, I’m getting muddled up, I’ve been reading too much TKK content.  Man, those fanfics are something else.  Actually, you don’t even need to go to the fanfics, read the posts they are a whole fanfic of their own. Got me believing them too, shit.  

JM:  My macho macho man JK, well, not MINE per say, but someone’s...

I digress...how could you even JK?  We were doing it to protect our girlfriends, man.  Maybe you should take a break from SM, eh?   

JK:  Bro, good idea.  I think I need to delete my whole IG account.  Wait, I’ve already done that.  

JM:  Babe, oops, I mean manly man JK, don’t worry about it.  What was it you wanted from me?

JK:  I’m planning a trip to Jeju and going to propose to yyyy.  But you know how we don’t have any kind of privacy now days.  I’m worried we’ll be seen and everyone will find out we’re together.  

You know the lengths we went to with the hickey, right?  We can’t let this fall apart now!!!

JM: Look man, I helped you with the hickey, just like you helped me during RB.  God forbid someone would have seen that lipstick mark on my ear.  That was such a good catch dude.  I have to thank you again for sucking it off my ear.  Phew.  

JK: So, my close but not too close friend, I need your help once again.  A pre-emptive strike this time, if you wish.

JM:  Whatever you need you sexy but clearly heterosexual man of all men...(gulp clearly heard).

JK:  So, I was thinking... your birthday is coming up followed by our Busan concert. And I want to get the tongues wagging again, about us, you know, like maybe we’re doing IT?  

Better they think I’m queer than in a relationship with a woman, right?

JM:  Yeah, for sure.  

JK:  Three steps to my plan:  I’m going to post for your birthday this year.  Yeah.  And I’m going to make it all sexy and stuff, get them all riled up, the fans, you know, but it’s for you...

JM:  A-ha, ok.  So step one thirst trap.  Got it.  Yeah, that’s ok, xxxx won’t mind, she’s already used to it...

JK: Great.  We’re so lucky we have such understanding girlfriends.  Although yyyy did tell me she once sent and ask to Reddit about us.  Seems she was a little unsure about what was going on between us.  Lol, as if... (clearing throat again).

JM:  A-ha.  Yes yes.  Right.

JK:  Next step will be in the live after the concert.  I’ll make a comment about a fan asking me to marry them, and you’ll act all jealous and stuff.  

JM:  Yeah, whatever.  Probably won’t take much acting on my part, wait what? Did I say that out loud?

JK: Ahm...yeah?

...and maybe something else, I haven’t decided yet, I’ll surprise you during the live, but something to get their tongues wagging about us.  I have to protect my heterosexual relationship you know.  

What would people say if they found out I have a girlfriend.  Better they think we’re a couple, right?

JM:  Oh JK, my most masculine of masculine men that I know and want.

Did I just say that out loud again?  Fuck.  Anyways bro, yeah, no probs. We need to protect you.  Poor Tae.  If only we would have helped him before those photos leaked...  

JK:  Yeah, a couple of selfies with him would have overshadowed those pics in a second.  

Oh the shame he has to live with now.  

People knowing he’s with one of the prettiest gals in our industry.  He’s absolutely devastated by it.  

JM:  Ma man, Ma JK, I gotta go now, but no worries, I’ll ride your plan, and anything else you want me to..(giggling heard)

...your bike...god, get out of that dirty mind of yours.  

Anyways, I guess I’ll see you in Busan, yeah?  As we are now not really on speaking terms anymore and are clearly distant.  

SM says it, so it must be true...

JK:  True that.  

So here’s to not seeing you like ever again, unless we need to work together, ugh.  

Have to listen to our fans, they know best.

JM:  Bye Bammie, guess I won’t be seeing you, like ever again... 

Wait, I’m not seeing you now either, cause fans say I’m never at JK’s, so...is this in my imagination?

Narrator:  probably.  It’s definitely in mine.

And there you have it people.

Cut and dry evidence.

Court is out.

Clearly you now KNOW that JK WAS  on Jeju with yyyy, his gf and by now fiancé (our non existent secret agent has notified us that yyyy, the bitch, accepted, fuck her).

[4nayesi]

guys i fucking hate and despise working out sm like y am i doing cardio after being at dance for almost 2hrs😇 god i fucking hate my brain this y i wish i could js not 34t&stay alive i wouldnt have to live w the guilt every single fucking time and i don’t even wanna start 3at1ng bcs i feel like ive been fucking up every single time&e4t1ng more than i need to and i have no clue how to fix ts idk what to do anymore i started smoking more bcs it actually stresses me out so badly and its been bad for the past 2weeks even tho ive lost i still feel bad abt everything like wtf is wrong w me and sorry this is so long but i actually have no one else that i can talk to about ts and no one fucking gets it if i start talking abt it so they js piss me off while trying to explain “its okay to 34t” like no its fucking not?!? obviously?? TO ME its not so please stfu. like im genuinely gonna crash out rn i wanna get bl@ck out drunk but fucking c4ls and im broke and im just oh my god bro PLEASE LET ME GET A FUCKING BREAK.

im tired of everyone ignoring the fact that im dis0rdered but i dont wanna worry any1 either so yk what that means? that i have to l0se WAY more so maybe they will catch on&maybe they will worry. wtf is wrong w everyone like are they fucking blind? y cant anyone understand. maybe ill js ⭐️ve until i pass out or smt!! i genuinely cant anymore. i never wanna 3at again. why does it have to be this way. im still doing well on my f4st but fuck dude. i feel so blo4ted and gross that it doesnt even matter. im so fucking tired and exhausted every day. i have brvses all down my legs. like when will it be enough(when im vnderw31ght obviously) but im not consistent enough to ever reach that. what is wrong w me.

i genuinely only feel happy or proud of myself when i ⭐️ve. maybe i should js think of myself from now on and stop worrying if im making other ppl worried. im so fucking tired of trying to please everyone and myself it js never works out. im so done dude.

[bwambiee]

Which girl group would bachira and yukimiya most likely listen to?

IM BACK WITH MORE, MOREEEEE

— nonnie 100000/10 think that yukimiyma, bachira, chigiri are girl group enthusiasts, if you didn’t think that now well now i’m shoving this into your brain so you can!

— def stans all the 2nd gen , 3rd gen , and ofc 4th gen groups and know all their songs to a perfect T

— yukimiya practically worships the ground girls generation walks on and I bet you he even practiced the gee choreo just in case his modeling takes him to a variety show and he has to dance, it might never happen but you never know. He’s an SM stan I feel it in my bones, he was dancing to f(x)’s electric shock when he came out of the womb and now he’s out here giving ppl top 10 reasons why you should stan aespa. If SM won’t hire him as an idol he might as well become the market face for them!

— bachira lives and breathes twice. That is not a headcanon but tis’… a fact. You ask him to bust out a number of the feels and he’ll do it. Singing and dancing with his broken english and all (I sincerely think he got all the guys together at blue lock one day and had a whole dance off like mf camp rock or something,,, kpop to the death of wtver LMAOO). Unlike yukimiya though I don’t think he’s much of a company stan since he literally listens to all (he’s not picky I tell you, one minute he’s listening to Itzy and the next he’s shaking his ass to Exid’s DDD , iconic really) but IF I had to pick I think he’s a jyp stan bc I know this man listened to got7 and is listening to stray kids too, Day6 if he’s feeling his feels too y’know?

— now chigiri…. chigiri is cultured. He has refined tastes, he has a sister so I know DAMN well he is both a boy group stan AND a girl group stan GASP the work of treachery!! how can this be?: Enhypen by day, new jeans by night. He popped OFF on le serrafim’s anti fragile when it dropped and I kid you not he def taught isagi, nagi, and barou the choreo one night before a game with that lil’ ipad they have. “But I bet they have certain apps blocked 🙁” NO. no, these mf’s probably found a vpn and downloaded that shit so they can have spotify or youtube,, OR EVEN VIKI TO WATCH DRAMAS DW I FIGURED IT OUT, that’s how these headcanon came to life. When chigiri’s brushing his hair or his teeth you can catch him singing and dancing to omg by new jeans and cupid by fifty fifty— i know this bc kunigami told me and recorded it oops

— THESE GUYS HAVE SECRET FAN ACCS OMG (thank u xi for this) they also start fanwars on the TL bc they’re in blue lock and they’re bored and toxic, does ego find them? yes, does he delete and tell them to come to his office and lock off? no, bc ego is enjoying the drama between le sserafim’s fandom and aespa’s fandom on “who’s the biggest gg?”

— the replies make him chuckle so he leaves it alone when yukimiya told chigiri (allegedly on their fan accs) that “le serrafim can preach abt being anti fragile but your rocked up knee says otherwise, your group doing false advertising 🙄”

-to which chigiri responds : “at least mine aren’t robots and have more plastic then an organic grocery store who preaches abt saving the planet but they got their strawberries in a plastic container 😟I don’t need to use ai bot to talk to my idols so… ”

— bachira is just lurking and instigating he’s such a bitch bruh “oooh you gonna just to take that???” “yikes bro personally…. I wouldn’t take that” SHUT.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Truly on the same wavelength LMAO yes I agree I believe we’re in the clear now LOL

LMAOOO that exchange is actually so in character Aiku confidently/smugly being like “it’s deffo nagi bro right” and Reo just deadpanning HAHAHA

Ah alas if only we had more average taste…jk that goes against Karasu’s anti-mediocre campaign so WTV but aiku just seeing both of them being dumb in their own way to the point he’s like “you guys are hopeless can you guys just start making out alr smh” LMAO

The “nah you have one” LINE AHDGSHS >>>>> in the hands of a normal author is crazyyy LOL no actually I’m loving the kdrama vibes for the drama in peregrine it makes it sm fun to read

LMAOO OK PERFECT the switch has not failed us!!!!

I’m about to go stalk that yotd edit account rn LOL but omg the audio on the Inumaki one I wouldn’t normally be shocked by but I forgot I had my volume on relatively high from when I was trying to watch sth earlier and got BLASTED by it

REAL it truly is giving zantetsu but FRRRR I love the pairings and the dynamics we see in epinagi I love team white the whole Barou Nagi chigiri zantetsu dynamic >>>> fr wish we had more of these in the main series wait but speaking of the next epinagi ch that comes out will be when s2 has already aired???? Guys we’re so close….

HAHAHAHA hollyhock y/n abt to do us all a favor im crying otoya would go CRAZY like bro is definitely so desperate rn in bllk too

PAUSE THE KARASU ASSASSIN FIC??? HELLO???? Bro what will it take to have you continue that from the premise and the two paragraphs it’s fire…..omfg……

- Karasu anon

WE ARE ALWAYS SYNCED UP DKFHSJSJ you’ll never catch us lacking fr

LMAOO NO FR like reo can’t even tell if aiku’s being serious or not so the next day he’s practicing soccer w nagi and he’s like “yo nagi we’re not like a ROMANTIC couple right??” and nagi’s just like WTF 😭⁉️

we just have to be exceptional like that fr making karasu proud 🤩 but HAHA aiku is so done w them…i started the sae version finally and it is very unserious and silly (i’m anticipating better work for some of the other ones that i’m more excited to write) honestly though it’s what sae needs fr

NO BECAUSE LOOK AT THESE (from the still unfinished and unreleased chapter) AND TELL ME IT’S NOT GIVING COUPLE…

nagi and may need to pull up and collect their significant others so fast because they’re actually basically in love with each other atp 😭 nagi’s lucky he’s such an insane piner and that i’m also in love with him or else he’d be getting the boot so fast because reo x reader is sooooo 😩 when he’s her only constant…when he does literally anything so she thinks of him highly…when he doesn’t think he’ll be able to survive another party if she doesn’t come…i would 100% eat up a twelve ep tv drama about them i can’t even lie

JJK EDITS ALWAYS HAVE THE MOST INSANE AUDIOS TBH especially gojo geto nanami toji choso and sukuna ones some of them are just like WHO thought of this 😭

WAIT I DIDN’T EVEN THINK ABT THAT OMG WE ARE SOOO CLOSE I CANNOT WAIT!! it’s going to be sm fun i can’t wait for the new episodes and our discussions and the additional times and the rise of tabieitaken nation 🤩

otoya is so desperate bro is going for CHIGIRI hollyhock y/n would do everyoneee a favor 😭 LMAOAO but unfortunately present time otoya is not as loyal as sengoku era otoya so that might not work out…imagine she’s like “i want you to belong to me” the way she is in hollyhock and bllk otoya’s like “ayo that’s kinda 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 don’t you think 😳” (i bet karasu would do it though like bro is RUNNING to volunteer for that spot KFFHSJS a pretty smart badass girl wants him to be hers?? sign him tf up that’s basically his dream)

HAHAHA okay elaboration it was a bit based on the beginning of yotd (kaiser is reader’s cousin and reader is the princess of her kingdom) but instead of a hak-type character saving her karasu’s like wait she’s kinda pretty let me just kidnap her instead (because kaiser hired tabieitaken to assassinate the royal family so he can take the throne) and he takes her back to where he yuki and otoya live…i have a vivid image in my mind of yukimiya crashing out when he realizes karasu brought her home with him and he’s like “karasu we CANNOT keep a princess as a pet!!” and karasu’s like “please 🥺” so yuki turns to otoya for help but otoya’s like “nah she’s rlly cute she can stay” HAHAHA i just didn’t know where to go from there so it was abandoned pretty quickly 😩 but the title was crow and cackle!! it’s a song by some band that a guy showed me (before asking me out 😐) and the title just fit perfectly even though i don’t rlly listen to the song or band

[aqueeracademic]

morse being queer (and other commentary) pt 13:

season 4, episode 1, “Game”:

- season 4!! let’s go

- need me some gay stuff

- season three was not very fruity

- wtf instrument is this lady playing

- thursday is such an asshole sometimes it’s a wonder i like him

- trewlove is perfect in every way

- “where do you stand with all that?” “suicide?” “love.”

- morse and debryn supremacy!!!

- look i KNOW morse thinks of joan when debryn referenced the “one that got away” but…. don’t you think they could be talking about jakes too?

- because i think they’re talking about jakes

- morse’s papers going missing is SO frustrating

- people hate to see my boy succeed and i’m sick of it!

- i know thursday is sad because of joan but morse has every right to be frustrated with him

- at the same time…

- morse copes by working

- with everhthing

- if anything upsets him he goes to work and locks in

- so i can see how he wouldn’t be particularly understanding of thursday not being able to push through and he should try better to be sympathetic

- i still think he has every right to be frustrated w him tho

- tessa knight 🤢🤮🤮🤮

- thursday is SO MEANNNNNNNN

- and for what!

- these scientists are gay <3

- they bicker like a couple and then immediately try to take care of each other it’s adorable

- morse speaking russian 🥰🥰🥰

- i’m giggling

- i love that bright is always so dramatically impressed when morse does something well

- bright and trewlove are so 🤞🥺 i’m obsessed with them

- trewlove showing that sexist motherfucker UP

- I LOVE HER

- “it’s not my place to say.”

- he is. so catty.

- these parents deserve so much better i feel so terrible for them

- thursday’s way of “making it up” to morse is so annoying

- i know he feels bad for hurting morse but just talk to him

- we all know we doesn’t care about validation or congratulations

- like he knows that! and yet 🫤

- the russian man being fully capable of speaking english and just choosing not to do so is so funny to me

- i already don’t like journalists about 60% of the time but this girl is ESPECIALLY annoying and i hate her

- this author is kinda…

- morse obviously doesn’t wanna talk to this author about his job so why on earth did he pull up to the guys house

- that’s my question!

- is it just because he’s….

- because he is!

- morse would be right

- ofc he quickly ends up disliking him but it’s the hope in that situation that matters 🙄

- also morse telling him that police work is boring in real life as if he didn’t get attacked by a tiger and experience all the events of The Great Gatsby is wild

- just straight up lying at this point

- STEALING FROM A POLICE OFFICER?????

- you stole. from a police officer.

- i cannot believe she is like this 😐 i hate her sm

- and of course the same day he finds out that he is being intentionally sabotaged is the day he’s being berated for “losing his notebook”

- cannot catch a break

- at least he and thursday are trying to make up

- these scientists are SO GAY (the awkward one w the glasses and the snobby one with the mouse)

- teasing him while massaging him and then putting his hand on his waist when he gets up

- Science Bros™️

- i don’t like her and all that but tessa didn’t deserve to die 🫤

- the face casts are so upsetting

- makes my damn skin crawl

- the odds of morse finding that paper in the doll were positively MINUSCULE he literally just can’t keep his hands to himself

- justice for frazil i just want her to be happy

- incest should never be the answer in a murder investigation tbh

- or like… even an idea of what happened

- grody tbh!

- NO FRAZIL NO

- aw GODDAM IT

- THE LITTLE GAY SCIENTIST IS THE KILLER

- i’m so upset

- i thought he and the mouse man had something 🫤🫤

- they would have been so cute

- but no he’s not gay he’s fucking incestuous

- i’m mad 🙄🙄🙄🙄

- morse finally driving his car at a reasonable speed

- GO FRAZIL GO

- NO FRAZIL NO

- i stg if anything happened to her i would lose my mind i’m so glad she’s okay

- morse just roasting the killer to get him to surrender is… a choice

- “you have to make a stand somewhere. they’re not going to drive me out.”

- YOU TELL EM MORSE

- morse has lost everyone he’s loved and all he had left is the place he loves and he will not leave and i love him for it