#i really really cannot comprehend any of it and i am.... very much not okay

[louhearted]

....

[hologramcowboy]

I usually stay far away from Twitter and fandom drama and I don't follow fandom groups but given the dehumanizing posts I've been seeing online, I am going on a fairly long rant, this is just my view, of course, so please discard it if not relevant to you:

The people making posts like these:

are at the core of the bully mentality. You are dehumanizing a Human Being with the entitlement that you get to define how a negative experience affects them. You do not, in any universe, get to tell someone who has been affected by something at what level they have been affected. Simply because you are not them. Furthermore, you are biased and discriminating against Jared Padalecki because he is a celebrity. Jared is a human being first and foremost and, as we've seen in the past, he does do social listening. This means death threats and other cyber crimes do affect him, not to mention the very real stalking some of you do when he moves from country to country. You end up following him under his hotel or even worse situations.

This discussion happening within fandom should include him because he is a direct victim. Also, the intent to commit cyber crimes and sending death threats does not get cancelled out just because that person may or may not have read the thread/post. Do you get this? Do you understand that if your intention and energy is vile, whether the content reaches your target or not, your cyber crime is still in effect? "Jared is a big boy and he doesn't care". Really? In what universe would you be okay with receiving death threats, would your family love that for you? Oh, they would not? So why on earth would you say it is alright that Jared received death threats? Fans do affect an actor's psyche, actors live to bring you joy and when they see you go toxic and dangerous it does affect their psyche.

Aside from this, as mentioned earlier, some of you actually stalk him at cons and at different locations and do so with hateful intent. The gravity of your actions is what causes actors to hide in public, avoid open spaces, reinforce their security, have panic attacks and fear for their life. Yet here you are, online, claiming that it's all good because said person is a celebrity so who cares.

If you dislike Jared, that's a matter of taste and your business but if you dehumanize Jared to the point of denying the very real atrocious actions perpetuated towards him, then you are no different than the perpetrators. You are, in fact, the enablers so you are even worse. A bad intention or idea cannot form into action unless people enable it and you played a key part with your bias and lack of care.

Think of all that evil hitting your child or loved one or even yourself, is it still nothing now? Do you see how wrong it is to minimize the abuse people perpetuate? Jared is a kind human being, so he avoids getting into drama as much as he can but that doesn't mean he is not affected. Also, someone not being affected is never, ever, an excuse to abuse said person. It's pretty interesting how someone suddenly doesn't count as human in your eyes. Talking about the abuse Jared gets in no way takes away from the other victims, in fact, it provides evidence of the intent and maliciousness of the people who attacked those victims. So it is highly important to consider as well as discuss. If you actually care about the topic at hand and the people involved that is. If you actually cared about shifting paradigms and improving fandom experience.

Lastly, Jared does deserve an apology too, the behavior displayed towards him is inhuman, degrading and damaging. He's no different than all the other persons at the receiving end of atrocious behaviors. The fact that you cannot comprehend that shows you lack humanity and empathy. If this was you or a friend at the receiving end, you would do the right thing but because you resent Jared, you are trying to twist an important discussion to damage him further. Jared doesn't know you and never did anything against you yet you feel entitled to dehumanizing him.

Then there's this: The people who perpetuated these behaviors displayed them publicly as well, especially towards him, thus providing a horrible example for others to follow. If you really cared about resolving bullying you would know those were seriously damaging paradigms being disseminated online and encouraged. Those people felt entitled to tell others to end their existence and the reason this happened was because you chose to ignore it thinking "people are grown ups and they can defend themselves" and "that's a celebrity, I don't care". So you saw the very clear signs but ignored or encouraged. You enabled. Now you are trying to create drama centered on one of the victims instead of owning your part in all of that and working on ways to create healthier fandom experiences.

Let's look at this one:

"We can attack Jared haters(or Misha haters or Jensen haters) on any other day of the week" Not only is this person directly admitting to being no different than those perpetrators, she is actually saying that attacking is what they do on a daily basis. Is that supposed to be the normal response? To attack? So bullying is the solution to bullying? Since when? Since when has mobbing people become the norm? Behaviors can be addressed without even remotely attacking someone. If you've created vicious cycles where you gang up on each other then that's only going in one direction, the same one those cult girls had.

My point is, please gain awareness and focus on creating healthy paradigms rather than on victim shaming/blaming, attacking whoever you disapprove of (same pattern those cult girls had, silo mentality and one sided views) and stop enabling the people who created such a negative impact within fandom by allowing them to display disempowering behaviors. Stop feeding into negative patterns and starts building healthy ones. Change starts with you and, whether you are aware of it or not, your choices affect others.

It is truly heartbreaking how people can twist their love for a show into hating actors and other people instead of using that passion to connect with like minded souls and create beautiful experiences together.

[howyouloveyourdragon]

okay so im drafting this at like 8am on a sunday and while i usually don't feel comfortable posting milestones, this felt like an important one and i am so incredibly grateful for you all

i saw this morning that i hit 1k followers which is absolutely insane to me

i want to thank everybody who has ever followed me, supported me or inspired me especially as of recently and i apologise to anybody that i may have missed from tagging below (i originally tagged everyone in this post but it wouldn't let me because of stupid tumblr block sizes so please check the reblog down below) and there is absolutely no pressure from my end for you to interact at all! i just wanted to say thank you and that i really appreciate every single one of you and whether or not you were aware of it, you had an impact on me both as a person and a writer. im simultaneously in awe and trying to process why so many people on here have even tolerated me on this godforsaken hellsite

i greatly encourage any and everybody seeing this to check out any/everybody i have tagged below in my reblog and their writings/blogs, i can guarantee you that you will not be disappointed

i feel like i have been able to grow so much as a writer since publishing my first fic on this app, lavender haze, because of everybody's support and i just cannot even comprehend how so many people could actually enjoy what i write or listen to all my ramblings

when i was 13 and writing fanfic for the first time back in 2018, i never would have imagined being welcomed into a community so wide and meeting so many incredible people through this fandom let alone people actually enjoying what i write and following me at all

this horny fandom feels like a second home sometimes and i want to sincerely thank every single one of you from the bottom of my heart for being here for me even when i overshare and talk too much ☠️

sometimes i feel like i've only just typed howyouloveyourdragon into create account for the very first time and sometimes it feels like it's been a year already but hey only a few more months to go and the anniversary of howyouloveyourdragon will be among us

to celebrate you all joining me on here, i think that i will be finally buckling down and finishing as many of my drafts as i can and publishing them asap for you all to enjoy

i will be uploading a poll shortly to let you decide how i should prioritise them

unfortunately i doubt that i will able to celebrate in this way on the same day as this milestone as i will be in another country as of friday 28th but i will be trying my hardest to deliver these fics as soon as possible and as of this week i am reopening some malnourished drafts as i type this

to all of my followers, mutuals and friends thank you so very much

[ruiimellowww]

Okay HI hello 👋👋

I saw ur art about Sun & Moon through a reblog and I am such a simp for those two omg so here's a rant :33

(Also if you're not comfy with this pls ignore this rant then, and I am so sry if that is the case!! Will stop immediately if you tell me to /srs)

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CAN I JUST SAY I am sosososososo in love with your desgin for the dca cuz holy shit I have never seen anything hotter. O.O LIKEEE THE HUMANOID VERSION??!?!!?? UGH soooo goooodd 🥵🥵 I love the designs and the- the little EARRINGS as well?!??! Omg sooooo cutee aaaaaa 💞💞

and-and omigosh UR ART IS SO GOOD AS WELL!?!? I straight up just wanna munch it. I am eating ur art fr. In LOVE with ur artstyle it's so yummy 😍

Anywhoooo I also scrolled through your dca tag aND *GASP* ECLIPSE?????? 😍😍AND I?? WANNA??? BE ENVELOPED????? BY HIMM??? (I feel like mans would give THE BEST cuddles on the planet!!!)

HOLLLYYYY SHITTTT thE SIZEEEEEEE

Big tall omigoshhhhhhHHH M- my brain- my heart my- mY EVERYThIng is mELTING! ! ! ! ! Literally his size just does something to me I cannot comprehend why omigosh

(*lays in a puddle on the floor*)

I can imagine sosososo many different scenarios where that height could be used aaaaa >~< <333 ;P

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Omg if you have any HCs (and *wanna* share, ofc.) about him (Or about Sun & Moon) I'd love to listen to you ramble about them??? <333

So curious about ur HCs & would absolutely love any crumbs about the dca ksskksskkdkdjdks ❤️😂

Uhm uhm first off, thank you so much I can't rlly put into words how sweet this is and I totally don't mind the rambles because me too. And also because its been YEARS since I last used Tumblr or did anything answering Ask is a bit tough for me.. MmMM

Although I don't have many HC at the moment.. I can however give you a little insight I have regarding my Human DCA :]

Moondrop (Moon) and Sundrop

- when I first designed Moon (after the game came out) he had a much wilder look to him, especially the face because I was really into the idea of him being simply insane hence the red.

- later when i got back to his design and adding colours I thought that it would be fun to make it Blue and white themed, which I actually didn't see a lot back then

- he wasn't supposed to look human even as a Humanoid, I liked to think that Sun & Moon simply had a renovated body. They are just as much Animatronics as they had always been, robotic parts and everything but with a bit of twist

- So then onto Sun.. the thing is its sad to say but I never explored much with Sun's design back then as much as I did with Moon, so I can't provide a good reference

- although I had a rough idea of how sun would look like I never quite liked the way I drew him, so he's always somewhat been stuck in this unfinished stage

- Then there was eclipse, who was my absolute FAVORITE at that time, I don't think I loved a character MORE THAN ECLIPSE EVER when I was drawing him out

- yes!! It was very much inspired by the 3D render shown here as the ref, though I did make some changes of my own to the design as well

- I had a lot in my head when I was drawing him, but the one thing that I loved most about this design still to thisq day is rhe face. The way I him to look back then was sort of a mix between my Sun and Moon designs, only leaning more towards Sun in colours and Moon in appearance with the crazed look in his eyes

The height was just a funny little thing I thought of, cuz imagine this giant fkn ahh robot just comes in here and picks you up 💀 god I would piss myself

Cough..

So in regards to the new design, I did kind of get rid of the animatronic feel to him that I had done with the DCA and his old design, all of them now look a whole lot more Human which is what I intended for

Eclipse has a few scars around his body; right forearm, left side of his torso that leads all the way up to his chest. Plus a bit of his face that is burnt which you can't exactly see because of the Black spots

Overall I like my newer designs quite a lot and has also changed a lot, this is probably the most insight you'll get out of me abt my art 😭😭 cuz I don't usually ramble this much otherwise

I might come up with some head canons at a later date, but they'll be fun thats for sure ;)

[londonfoginacup]

Hello! Based on your fics I consider you to be someone well-versed in the arts of coziness and comfort and as it is now the cold and dark part of the year where I live I wanted to ask you, do you have any recommendations?? Favorite brand of leggings? Slippers? Best candle? Best fairy lights? Coziest foods and drinks? Wishing you much warmth and light! X

ohhhhh my god OH MY GOD what a SWEET ASK! And also you are sending this very sincere ask to someone whose main mode of being cozy is burrowing under her roommates for warmth and then yelling at said roommates for turning the temperature up, so i dunno if i'm deserved but here's my best cozy shot--

first of all -- hot chocolate with lucky charms. I'm usually a strictly white chocolate hot chocolate person, but the JOY at being able to eat the melty delicious lucky charms out of it cannot be comprehended. 10/10 warm and cozy and sweet.

Second-- get rid of the heated blanket. Heated blankets are not it. Get yourself heated mattress pad!!!! This bitch makes you toasty like you would not BELIEVE, PLUS if you're someone who tends to kick off blankets in the night, at least half your body is still toasty warm! 1000/10 cozy plus cats will love to snuggle u also dont use this at the same time as a heated blanket bc u will die i think

Now in terms of candles, I think that scents are very personal! I'm a slut for bath and bodyworks because I can be a bit basic, BUT there's something more important than what kind of candle you get -- and that's to have a CANDLE WARMER LAMP! You see, unless you're getting a very expensive candle, most candles, especially ones from the drug store or target, have mOST OF THEIR SCENT in the top like half an inch! SO they smell really good when you buy them but you barely smell them after you light them! But if you get a CANDLE WARMER LAMP, then you can stick your good good smelling candle in there and it will heat it FROM THE TOP and you will get some LONG LASTING GOOD GOOD COZY SMELL

holy shit wait hold up scratch that, I DO have candle recommendations. Cantrip Candles makes candles for like, D&D games to set the mood. But I don't play D&D and just burn the candles instead. The Library candle and the Bakery candle are my FAVORITE, but you can get a sampler pack and try them yourself to see which scents you like. 10/10 cozy bakery scent fuck yes

I don't really have cozy clothes because I wear business casual 24/7 i am DRESSED TO FUCKING IMPRESS (no im not, im just lazy and only own 5 pairs of the same pants), and tbh if I want to be cozy I just throw on a hoodie. I own five and they are ALL Louis Tomlinson.

And for blankets -- the coziest blanket is the one you can steal from someone else. The old crochet blanket that your mom had since before you were born? Snatch it. The blankets your roommates left when they moved out and got married? They're yours now. The blanket someone loaned you at a fireworks show and you accidentally went home with? Coziness factor goes up 1000%. BARRING STOLEN GOODS THOUGH, every blanket I've ever bought is from ikea. I'm not joking. I have one in my car and one in my office and two on my bed and two in my living room.

Okay FINALLY. The SECRET to my uber cozy lifestyle.

It's having a lot of roommates, and forcing them all to cuddle with me.

but if you dont have homemade roommates, storebought are fine

ANYWAY THERE'S MY COZY GUIDE, THANK YOU FOR THE COMPLIMENTS ALSO TO BE REAL EATING A WHOLE LOAF OF SOURDOUGH FEELS COZY BUT YOUR TUMMY WILL BE MAD SO DONT DO IT

[moonjxsung]

haiiii bb✨ i hope you had the best weekend!

i’m still not sure how he managed to do that tbh, i don’t think it’s too easy to achieve😅 so momo is prob safe from that. wasabi is an orange cat, we can’t expect much from him in the braincell department. im glad baby momo is getting better too🫶🏻 we stan her

frfr, idk how people abandon their pets. i’m literally so attached to every animal ever. i see a stray cat at a park and i’ll think of them forever and worry about them too. and people who don’t spay their cats and expect them to be outdoors are such assholes. i’ve had to spay/neuter 10+ cats due to overpopulation in the last two years and i have four more females to go (excluding my own 8 out of 9 cats). it’s insane and so so so sad. the fact that they took off the collar is so stupid too. it really sucks. i cannot comprehend.

star, idk how you do it!!! living where you live in the kpop era must be so hard😭 like, we love the exposure but my bank doesn’t. i sometimes wish i lived somewhere with a lot of kpop concerts but kinda not at the same time bc i just know i couldn’t afford most of them and i’d get the worst case of fomo. i wish you the best at your choice of concerts😂

anddd i didn’t know you stanned nct dream or itzy! follow up: which groups do you stan and who are your biases? i lovveeeee nct! i don’t really stan any ggs aside from twice and new jeans but i’d so love to listen to more so any recs would be gr8!!!

frfr ive never been confident with myself (and ik that’s like my biggest problem bc confidence is so attractive). kpop beauty standards kinda took a toll on me especially after my surgery, grad school, depression worsening etc etc. but ive learned to make delulu my solulu and be like “minho would love me even if im not pretty or skinny” and all is well (what he wouldn’t love about me is that i only eat meat when i absolutely have to bc i hate it😂). i love skincare though so if you ever need to discuss skincare im ur girl🔥 aside from kpop, plushies & cats my ocd also manifests at compulsively buying hundreds of dollars of skincare products🔥

i love you my darling bb. i hope you have the best week!! i’ve never had cheese danishes therefore im so glad i virtually tried them with you💕

-🐈‍⬛

HIIIIIIIII BBYYYY I HOPE YOU HAD THE BEST MONDAY 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

Momo is doing so much better today (she’s currently napping on my freshly washed laundry❤️) so I think it might’ve been a weather thing! Hopefully her itching doesn’t come back but I’m still gonna look into bee pollen and see if it helps :’)

I KNOW I feel so very overprotective of every cat ive ever come across and it baffles me that people are just okay with abandoning their cats like that?? Especially after YEARS of owning them!??? How 😭 I don’t even like leaving momo alone for the day (despite her having an automatic feeder and a water fountain and cameras to watch her every move) so I don’t know how people abandon a cat indefinitely 💔 it’s fr so sad to me

HONESTLY it was so much easier to save money when there weren’t so many kpop things here but now we have kpop stores at every corner with v exclusive merch and preorder benefits and concerts every MONTH I can’t save money for the life of me 😭 I SWEARRRRR I buy some useless kpop thing at least once a week it’s so bad! I’m on a buying ban right now bc I just bought jhope’s on the street merch and that is ALLLL I am letting myself buy for the foreseeable future 🫡 hopefully

I LOOOOOOVE NCT OH MY GOSHHHHH okay list of my groups & biases (I might miss a few so bear w me):

Skz: JISUNGGGGG & Felix is my bias wrecker 🫶💖

Bts: jhope!!!!!!!!! Jin is my bias wrecker!

Nct 127: Yuta & Haechan! Wreckers always change but right now probs Taeyong (enlistment era starts today😔)

Nct Dream: I literally just started getting more serious about being into them despite listening to their music for a while LOL but deffffff Renjun & Haechan! 🫶

Wayv: Xiaojun!!!!

Shinee: Onew ofcccc 👼 and Taemin is my wrecker (he’s everybody’s wrecker tbh)

Ateez: Hongjoong & Seonghwa/Yeosang wreckers!

Seventeen: Hoshi & Minghao!!

Txt: Heuningkai 🫶

G-idle: Minnie! I need to get more into them but she’s defffff my bias oh my god she’s so pretty

P1harmony: I’ve also recently been more into them. Jiung!!

The Boyz: Changmin!

Ikon: Bobby!

Blackpink: MY GIRL ROSÉ 💞

Nmixx: Jiwoo & Lily!!!

Itzy: RYUJIN.

EXO: Minseok!!!!

Twice: Dahyun!

Blitzers: Chris!!

Aespa: Winter!

I also listen to Lsrfm and New Jeans but I don’t have biases (I’m more just a casual listener) but I think that’s everyone!! I LOOOOOOVE NCT THOUGH RAHHHHHHH when I tell you I have been crying alllllll day bc of Taeyong enlistment FUCKKKK IM SO SAD 😭😭😭 did you see Mark and Haechan tried to go to his send off and missed it because their flight was rerouted?? GODDDD I’m so sad for them 😭 I brought my Ty bby to today’s coffee run I miss him already 😔💔

PLEASE kpop beauty standards hit you in the face when you least expect it frfr like I always told myself I didn’t care how I looked in comparison and all of a sudden it was like oh nvmmmm 😀 It comes and goes in waves as of now and lately I’ve been trying to work more on just liking myself as a person (and being delulu because that’s the solution to everything) and I also find that’s the best way to combat it 🫶 ALSO SKINCARE YESSSSS I will absolutely bug you for skincare recs I have the worst habit of buying skincare just for the cute packaging LMFAOOOO I need to buckle down and buy actual cute stuff 😭

I love you so much bby have the best week!!!!! Here’s today’s pc I took just for you 🫶👼 I love u!!!!!

[moonlight-tmd]

okay, I was just scrolling through my feed and came across angst for the bees in transformers who lost their voices. (TFP, KV, CV, etc)

now let's apply that to TFA and see how bee becomes a shell of himself due to it. I've read fics about it (two) and I wanna know your take on it

Boy they really like to give him that angst do they...

Well, i did read those fics and unfortunatelly, i am a weak weak bitch and cannot take his beautiful voice away(for too long).

I think he would get injured- it's probably Starscream cuz i like the idea of him being a sadist, his voicebox gets ripped and crushed, leaving him mute.

Bee would be so devastated- he tries to talk, scream, anything. There is nothing but painful static.

The others- sure, sometimes they wished Bee would just shut up and stay quiet but they never meant it. And now they are forced to watch as Bee essentially becomes depressed. He can't eat solid foods so he's bound to drinking oil and liquid energon. He almost stopped interacting with others because it's so difficult to let them know what he wants to say; charades are too confusing and writing signs is too slow. All is left of his cheerful attitude is a tiny smile he offers sometimes when he and the others (are trying to)have fun.

Sentinel is the worst, he is oddly untouched at the scout's misery. He straight up says it's good that he shut up when he's not around. Optimus has ended whatever was left of his friendship with Sentinel long ago, but it seems like Sentinel never acknowledged Optimus saying anything- like he's above what the failure of a Prime is saying to him.

They are stuck like this- Bee hanging on by a thread that is threatening to snap at any moment and the others desperately trying to hold onto Bee and help him out of this Pit.

Bee is crafty so one time a radio breaks and he tried to fix it. Static spills over garbled words whenever he's trying to tune it, it remind his of something... He fixed it at last, the static briefly present whenever the channel is switched and songs or radio news play, tuning in and cutting sentences, almost making a new one- That gives Bee an idea.

He spend a a whole week trying to get his own radio to obey him. The others are so surprised when Bee answers one of their questions with cut up song lyrics and words from the radio, but they are very happy- Bee has started to look up, slowly but surely. The amount of relief they felt when Bee used the laughting sound effects to mimic his own laugh. He's still sad that it's not his own voice, but that is the closest he can do.

I imagine it was Longarm that took mercy on the scout- they were good friends, Longarm had grown fond of Bee as a friend. It hurt him to see Bee so sad- just like in boot camp when Wasp tormented him. So- Longarm, being the Data Master, steals Bee's medical info and other stuff and contacts Swindle about it. He has everything- parameters, size, settings, type, even various voice samples from when he and Bee talked to find the perfect voicebox to replace his missing one. Bee might have infected Longarm with his stubbornness cuz he's determined to make Bee talkative again.

Longarm comes to Ratchet and gives him the necessary parts and materials to fix Bee, he avoid any questions like 'where did you get this?' and leaves. Ratchet assumes it because he's a Prime with connections.

Bee has to force-refresh his processor to comprehend what Ratchet just said to him. He goes under a surgery and it's succesful.

He could not stop crying, his voice was back. Primus he wanted to say so many things but this was so ovewhelming he couldn't stop ugly sobbing.

The whole day he said everything that was on his mind- i mean everything. No filter to separate his thoughts from what he wanted to actually say, he spilled so much answering questions and how he felt the others didn't know if they were trembling from happiness or the sheer worry about the minibot.

After that, whenever Bee is annoying, the moment they want to say 'shut up' or something like that, they get flashbacks to when Bee was mute. They never told him to shut up ever again- instead they try to manouver their situation to make Bee go do his own thing and leave them to do that important thing they were doing.

To say the least, that situation was traumatizing to all of them.

And of course, Bee couldn't help but tackle-hug Longarm and repeat 'thank you' over and over again the next time he visited.

[hella1975]

heyyy hellaa, please tell us your favorite fics of all time, from any fandom, because i wanna know what makes your brain go vroom !!

WOULD LOVE TO OKAY:

haikyuu:

three sheets to the wind by fairycake - we have sakuatsu we have found family we have pirates we have a surprisingly coherent balance of plot and fun times we have a prank war we have miya twins content we have idiotic background sunaosa we have PIRATES there is literally nothing to dislike here when i read the description of this fic i thought it would just be dumbassery but it wound up being so much more and i got so attached so quickly and the ending was just so heartfelt if i could read this again for the first time i would

burden of blame by deathbelle - OUGH the writing of this one is just. jesus christ. atsumu's characterisation? kiyoomi's characterisation? protective miya twins? the miya twins interactions themselves? if you took away the yakuza angle id be CONVINCED this was all canon bc the author just Gets the characters. maybe my fav sakuatsu fic ever

the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle by kittebasu - iwaoi have entered the chat!!! one thing about me is i LOVE a good recurring metaphor, but a super niche one when you can tell the author knows their shit? respectfully i am drooling. this fic is just so raw and real and it really hit home for me and even to this day when i see it im all !!!!!! a must-read for anyone in the haikyuu fandom

jaywalkers by batman - multi-ship but im gonna say it was more gen for me than anything idk if that's just bc none of my big ships were in there (aside bokuaka <3) or if i just latched onto the gen aspects but yeah u really dont need to ship any of the couples in this to absolutely be blown away by this. like holy fucking shit. this is my last haikyuu rec but it is also my first and quite possibly my favourite fic of all time. if you read anything from this whole list, read jaywalkers. i have never had a fic impact me the way this did and ive never come back to a fic so many times as i have this one bc im very much one of those people that once ive read something i dont get much enjoyment from rereading it no matter how much i like it. but idk something about jaywalkers has me in a complete fucking chokehold and has done since i read it over a year ago. the way this author writes is just so effortlessly human? like it's funny and realistic and messy and in-character and BECAUSE it's got so much dumbassery it really hits you out of nowhere when the deeper shit comes in, but it still works perfectly. ive never seen a writer so perfectly capture humanity before. whenever im struggling to flesh characters out, i return to this work and see all the effortless ways this author does that, whether it be through kei's headphones or kuroo's hair or oikawa's chameleon or every tiny tiny detail that is important enough to warrant a mention bc it's what makes these characters real. im just. god. yeah. also the final author's notes actually made me tear up

jujutsu kaisen:

found in translation by hiraethia - kai kai kai kai. GOD all of kai's fics absolutely gut me but this one just really stuck with me. kai's got such a specific writing style where she just makes really poignant and beautiful metaphors flow very easily, so it's never jarringly deep until you actually take a second to think about what you just read and you're like what the fuck and then it very much IS that deep, and that means kai gets a perfect balance of fluff and fun as well as just heart-wrenching tear your hair out kind of angst, which ofc works perfectly for satosugu

two drifters, off to see the world by quietkids - you have to have a pretty strong stomach when it comes to angst if you're gonna ship satosugu and id say i qualify for that and i also very very very rarely cry over fics, but my god something about this fic just destroyed me. im too scared to read it again. i cannot even comprehend how devastated i was upon finishing this like it wasn't even the gross loud sobbing kind of devastated it was just this awful ache that followed me around for DAYS and that takes so so so much talent any and all kudos go to this author. the thing about college-era satosugu fics that anhialates me so much is the helplessness of it. it's all so tragic and 'there is no other version of this story'. you watch them try so hard to make it work and every time without fail you know it all goes wrong anyway, the love was there but it wasn't enough. and somehow this author just grabbed that sentiment and put it into words and i just. OW

at the end of the world by freckledgeto - hi two of the bestest jjk writers are my mutuals and im bragging about it. alia wrote the itafushi (+first year trio friendship) roadtrip au specifically to hurt me im sure of it. not to get into the incredible writing parallels of jjk, but just like their predecessors, itafushi is all about that helplessness, the knowledge of how this is going to end and still trying to fight it, but while satosugu is usually very deep and dark and heavy, itafushi are the younger, fresher version, and alia writes to accommodate that so seamlessly. it's fun and silly and they're so clearly KIDS in it, and it makes it all the more heartbreaking when it stops being so fun and silly. specifically itadori's character is done beautifully in this fic, but also megumi's characterisation gave me an entire new angle on him that id never had before. the whole thing makes me want to punch a wall

atla:

where the stars do not take sides by witchofendor - honestly any fic by this author is always so well-thought out like the worldbuilding is always INCREDIBLE, but i just lovedddd this fire siblings in this and just the whole concept of it. this is my canon. i actually really want to reread this fic when i get a chance

blue by blacklipscurse - this will always always be THE zukka fic in my opinion like just JKSHGKJSHDGJH i miss when this was updating. the zuko characterisation in this is beautiful zuko and iroh's relationship is beautiful but also one thing that really stuck with me from this fic is the fire nation girls' characterisation? like ive NEVER seen a fic get azula like this but also TY LEE really stuck out to me. like she WOULD be so terrifying with her cheerfulness while she literally attacked you and this is the first time i actually felt that

feels like we only go backwards by oldpotatoe - RUBY WE MISS YOU <3 the writing of this fic is absolutely exceptional like there's a reason this fic gets so much hype. the angst? the romance? the slowburn? the falling in love twice over? the sokka and katara moments? give it to me straight into my veins pls

ozymandias king of kings by think_of_a_wonderful_thought - the first zukka fic i ever read and it's really stuck with me. ive said before but this fic really inspired me and is the reason a lot of taob is the way that it is. i LOVE zuko's characterisation in this bc he's different to canon but in a way that makes perfect sense with the divergence we're given. i also really liked hakoda in this? like not that he was being mean to zuko but just that the author wasnt scared to make him a good leader in a REALISTIC way, aka very cynical towards a fire nation prince. you'd think it would be obvious but people get very aggy when you're mean to zuko lol

salvage by muffinlance - obligatory mention <3 beloved fic <3 what to say about salvage that hasn't been said before. it's just an absolute staple of the atla fandom and CREATED its own trope that i very much capitalised off. i just think the whole concept is so so brilliant and it's such a heartfelt fic. it'll always have a very special place in my heart

[eabwriting2023]

ANY QUESTIONS - DAY FOUR

As I see you before me with all your smiling faces I bet your wondering “Who is this woman and why is she interrupting the last day of school?” Well, the answer is very simple and I shall tell you in precise detail. I would tell you to lean back in your seats, relax and enjoy my presentation but alas, you are at school, which means and I do not care otherwise you must obey the rules.

I want to see your young, scrumptious faces staring up at me with backs straight as planks of wood with legs and arms by your side. Of course there shall be no interruptions or no questions till the end, hands down at the back there!

We start at the very beginning, a fabulous place to start as you might say. We were all young once, even me would you believe it? All crawling and Scavenging for that sense of belonging. Your parents, how wonderful they are? Taking you in, looking after you all, what do they get in return? Many, many hours of crying and whinging. Life is so unfair!

This is where we start a new chapter of your life. Here. Stuck, day in day out doing the same

laborious activities. Some may call this a prisión, you cannot escape until whoever is in charge lets you, disgusting meals, decor left to be desired, but you would be wrong! Prison is far more cruel and ugly you have it far too easy here!

Somehow you have managed to go through this life just scraping by until we reach today, the big moment in your lives when the gates are opened and you are set free like baby birds falling from cliff tops.

You are finally let out into the big wide world, where life is your oyster! Only, sadly not. Society will always have rules and you will obey unless you really do want to end inside prison…

Some will move onto college, then university where even though you say “I’m free to do what I like.” Is that really true? Classes, and work schedules, hurrying to hand essays in time, is it really that much different from where you are now?

Ah, but some of you sat in front of me are probably thinking, “Once I leave this dump I’m working for myself, I’d rather earn my own money than to keep bowing to the man.”

Yes, at first, everyone seems swell. Freedom and responsibility without voices breathing down your neck… until it does. Unlike now as you ignore your teacher yelling to finish a Maths problem you have company bosses with stern looking faces, macho men and women thinking they’re far too important for the likes of you.

As I look upon you all, I sense fear and uncertainty, panicked eyes with life dying slowly. You probably think that by the end of this little chat I will raise your confidence, everything is going to be okay, your doing great hunny.. that’s what your parents would say, wouldn’t they?

Yet again, you are fooled, your tiny minds cannot comprehend the fact that someone really doesn’t care one tiny bit about you. You are a leach, prying upon its victims for nutrition and you won’t stop until something comes along to end it.

If that is what needs to be done, let me be the one to do it. You have had life far too good, handed to you on silver platters. WAKE UP and smell the chemical roses, take off your hue glasses, Life isn’t far.

As for I, I am you, far from now in the distant future, clinging on for any hope. You could say I was the ghost of future you in a sense…

I have been your future and I hope you all have a fantastic summer thinking about your mortality, Any Questions?

[sunriseverse]

consider: hypersexual xue yang vs. sex-averse song lan. both of their relationships with sex are horrible. song lan’s tried multiple times and he just can’t. he’s embarrassed about it. it makes him feel bad. in his mind he’s an adult and this is something he should able to do because that’s what he’s always been told. right? right? xue yang thinks song lan can’t possibly like him if he won’t even touch him. all of his previous relationships were primarily about the sex. in his mind relationships = having sex. he’s just used to having a lot of sex in general because it’s his body and he can have a lot of sex if he wants to. he likes sex! so what? (he does not want to think about any other possible reasons he might be so obsessed with sex.) this is the source of A LOT of fighting. xue yang is so in the wrong here but he literally just can’t comprehend it and it hurts him so bad. he already can’t shake the feeling that song lan thinks he’s disgusting (even though it’s just song lan’s ocd and he cannot help it) and now this. song lan also ends up feeling like shit because shouldn’t be able to give his partner that? and what about xiao xingchen? does he feel that way? does he think it and not say it?

and then xxc comes in like, have you heard of exhibitionism? just because he doesn’t like participating doesn’t mean he doesn’t like to watch. but it sort of turns out that xue yang doesn’t like being watched, at least not when it’s phrased like that, and also xiao xingchen’s getting tired of being the peacekeeper here.

(in this particular scenario, i imagine they’re boyfriends but kind of mad about it. but they actually do like each other. they smile and laugh and joke and make each other feel nice. but also really bad sometimes. but they want xxc to be happy. and they’re already around each other so much, it’s kind of hard to avoid being relationship-y sometimes)

literally. okay. taking a moment to press my face into my hands and scream silently. how do you once again. know EXACTLY what vague thoughts have been percolating in my head. what witchcraft. what sorcery.

yeahhhhhh yeah yeah like. they both have. fucking terrible relationships with sex but they Refuse to Think About It in like. opposite directions. xy is like im normal this is normal everything is totally normal and fine! (its. so very very not. sobs quietly.) and sl is like clearly i am wrong and broken and i need to Try Harder even if it makes me feel Fucking Miserable And Bad (also wrong. so wrong. oh zichen please let me cradle you like a beloved ccat and whisper endearments and press little kisses to the top of your head.) and so they wind up in this situation where like. they’re both trying to do what they think they Should Do even when like. it makes them both feel Bad (in similar but differing flavours). and like. xy’s rejection sensitive dysphoria plus literally every other fucking thing he’s got going on that makes him prone to and paranoid about sl hating him just going fucking BONKERS every time sl withdraws and turns in on himself. and sl grappling with this horrible conviction that maybe they both kind of secretly hate him because he can’t do this ONE fucking Normal Thing. delicious. i’m chewing on it.

and you’re right xxc IS tired and like. he doesn’t deserve to constantly play mediator!!!!! that’s not a fair role to him or anyone else involved here!!!!!!!!! what they NEED is to sit down and talk shit out and come prepared with prewritten lists of their concerns and wants and dislikes and so forth. bangs my gavel on the table RELATIONSHIP NEGOTIATION!!!!!! NEOW!!!!!!!!!!!

(and yes that’s literally the perfect thing i think like. they’re not exactly together in the “normal” way but also like they’re not NOT together. but they make each other happy!!!! and also sad and hurt and angry!!!!! and safe!!!!!!! and they live together and they’re dating the same person so tjeyre like. doing couple things. and it’s nice!!!!!!!! they’re just also both trying Really Hard to not think about it because that way lies madness.)

[quillvine]

I posted 246 times in 2022

53 posts created (22%)

193 posts reblogged (78%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@quillvine

@blueeyesatnight

@youvebeenlivingfictional

@kittensmctavish

@brandyllyn

I tagged 139 of my posts in 2022

Only 43% of my posts had no tags

#quill is not in the house (queued) - 45 posts

#quill fic recs - 41 posts

#quill writes - 14 posts

#goncharov - 11 posts

#we love blue in this house - 10 posts

#we love brandy in this house - 5 posts

#timezone reblog - 4 posts

#eurovision - 4 posts

#we love tali in this house - 3 posts

#we love qvo in this house - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 107 characters

#the owner of possibly the most beatiful hands in cinema history. you like walking down hallways and talking

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Thank you so so so much for 600!!!

Today I just hit 600 followers and let me just say I am so grateful for every single one of you.

The facts that I hit 600 is mind-boggling. I hit 500 of February of last year, it hasn’t even been and a whole year since I hit my last milestone and now I’ve hit another one??!? I cannot comprehend that, you guys are literally the best.

I also basically went on an unplanned, unannounced hiatus. Before posting “Can You Feel My Love?” the last thing I wrote and posted was for my 2020 Halloween celebration and those were basically little blurbs. 

“Falling For You” was my last actual fic and it went up in September of 2020 it’s been more than a year since I wrote something of substance. The gap in activity was due to some big life events that happened to me in late 2020 and 2021 and I was so so scared that I had hit my peak as a writer all the way back then before all of my life stuff happened. 

I was sacred to get back into writing because I put so much pressure on myself to make my gap in content to justifiable and worth it. I felt that if I didn’t come back with 10K word fic that was just so beautiful and wonderful that my break wouldn’t have been ‘okay’ in the eyes of all of you guys.

But as I posted again you all proved me wrong. The response to “Can You Feel My Love?” has been so positive and it’s done a lot to soothe my writing anxiety. Quite frankly, after seeing your responses I feel a little silly for feeling the way I felt at all.

What I’m trying to say, if my long long ramblings are too much for you to comprehend, is thank you. I basically sat on my ass and cried and posted zero fics for more than a year and you guys still showed me so much love in the form of like, reblogs, asks, and being amazing friends.

I am so grateful for every single one of you and I have no idea how I will ever be able to repay you for all the love and joy every single one of you have brought to my life.

xoxo, quill

3 notes - Posted January 3, 2022

#4

not me remembering the 7 (8 if u count the bonus) angsty hotch storyline that i planed wayyyy back in july 

4 notes - Posted April 28, 2022

#3

tell me something good. i’ve a had a rough day today

5 notes - Posted June 1, 2022

#2

WHY WAS EVERYONE IN TOPGUN MAVERICK HOT

8 notes - Posted July 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

my lover is the sea

aaron hotchner x reader

a/n: so this is the first of what will (hopefully) be many installments of call of the ocean. i already have a second part knocking around in the ole google doc and i’m really excited to share everything with yall! please let me know if you spot any errors because full disclaimer this fic was started more than a year ago and has been very slowly pieced together with little bits of tape

masterlist | call of the ocean master list (coming soon)

__

It is the peak of summer when you first meet him. The sun feels impossibly hot for this time of year and it makes for an incredibly miserable trip to the market.

You normally wouldn’t even go into town when the sun is blazing its fury on the earth, but you have it on good authority that the cargo ship that just docked has a little something special for you.

When you get to the town center it is already filled with rowdy sailors elated to be on dry land, making the already crowded market even more cramped and your thin patience even thinner. But, if you weren’t jostled and elbowed to high hell and if the sun hadn’t made your skin sickly hot, you would be rather endeared by their eagerness.

Even though your days at sea are long behind you, you remember what it felt like a hot meal at a tavern for the first time in ages. You remember what it was like to have salt in your hair and what it was like to see deep blue everywhere you looked.

The thought of the ocean tugs at a familiar feeling in your chest, one that you should have buried down a long time ago.

You were never good at letting things go.

Shaking off your thoughts you finally start to push your way through the crowd and to your destination, a little stall right in the center of the market, yet tucked away protected by the hustle and bustle of the crowd.

A cheerful call catches your attention, it’s the stall’s owner, one Miss. Penelope Garcia. She motions you over with a wave of her hand, excitement clear on her face.

“Come, come! It came and just as you requested, and it looks beautiful,” her voice cuts through the crowd loud and clear and you push even harder through the crowded market to make your way to her.

It seems that Penelope’s excitement is too great for her to simply stand still and wait for you to make your way to her market stall and she meets you halfway moving through the crowd with an “excuse me, excuse me! Coming though, please sir move, I have to- ”

Her words are cut off with an ecstatic squeal when she finally reaches you and immediately takes your hand to pull you through the throngs of people. Navigating the crowd with the same ease as she did before she deposits you, safe and sound, in front of her market stall.

“Oh my darling it is so nice to see you again!”

“It’s nice to see you too Penny,” you tell her as she reaches for a little paper wrapped package.

“Here it is, all nice and snug just as you requested,” she says pushing your package to you, “I hope you don’t mind, I had a little peak. I just couldn’t help myself.”

You give her a warm smile and assure Penelope that it’s okay, her curiosity will always be her downfall.

Your fingers shake slightly as you move to unwrap the package. Whether it’s out of excitement or fear you don’t know, but the drumming in your chest only intensifies when you finally tear through the paper wrapping to reveal a thick book, worn with age.

The Morrowson’s Compendium of Earthly Creatures, the beautiful leather bound cover reads. Flipping through its worn pages you see that it’s inside is littered with colorful illustrations.

“Thank you Penny,” the words come out breathless, your voice soft with awe, “it’s exactly what I was looking for.”

She gives you a blindingly cheerful grin, “anything for you my lovely.”

The two of you say your goodbyes and you begin to make your way through the market to your next destination. As excited as you are to go home and turn through the gilded pages of your new book you still have some shopping to do.

Your mind is always on the book though, thoughts never drifting away from its worn cover and colorful illustrations as you look over vegetables for blemishes and examine cuts of meat.

Lost in your thoughts you end up running into a fair amount of people which in turn causes many angry exclamations to be thrown your way. You just mutter your apologies and scurry past them, desperate to finish up and go home.

As you finish up at the bakery and start to finally head back home you run into yet another person.

Only this time you’re not able to get away with a halfhearted mumbled apology. Your things spill to the ground, rolling every which way and you have to scurry to pick them up lest they get snatched up by an unsavory passerby.

It isn’t until you have brushed all the dirt off your clothes that you think to even check to make sure you have all your things. Your first instinct is to reach for the book that should be tucked snugly away into your basket-

See the full post

22 notes - Posted October 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

looking at her is kind of bittersweet. i wish i spent more time on here you know?

I still stand by My lover is the sea though, like read it pls if you haven't yet. I'm very very proud of her

[lu-sn]

hiiii this is your secret santa <3 hope you are having a blasted day! i really want to gift you something that will bring you a bit of genuine joy in december therefore i come bearing questions. i am making you a gifset and have read your likes and dislikes from the questionnaire many times, but want to make sure: do those preferences also cover gifs, or are they only about fics? how do you feel about kink, ds, petplay for vegaspete in a gifset? do you like both crack and angst? very excited to make it for you!!

HELLO SORRY I TOOK THREE HUNDRED YEARS TO ANSWER THIS (i was away from my laptop for a few days and my brain cannot comprehend asks on mobile)

okay so!!! firstly thank you for asking you are incredible <3 yes i would say all of those preferences carry over to gifs, it just might be harder given that you're working with a bounded source material so i separated those out from the rest.

i fucking love kink and ds in a vegaspete gifset (you can't see me screeching but i am). petplay is a little harder. it's not that i mind it, but i do mind dehumanization and the scenes in the show with the very strong pet references are hard for me to watch. HOWEVER. i freaking love the food / i'm hungry metaphor so there's crossover there

yes i do love both crack and angst, though probably not at the same time :D i enjoy gifsets and photosets that have the shitpost text on them a ton

reading this back i realize i have not made your job easier. one thing i really enjoy in gifsets is any sort of recoloring / unified color palette. and i also love the ep13 scene of vegas asking pete not to leave and then pete crying and touching his face soooooooooooo much (but i hear it is awful to color, there is no pressure to use it)

[dailyaudiobible]

8/25/2022 DAB Transcript

Job 20:1-22:30, 2 Corinthians 1:1-11, Psalm 40:11-17, Proverbs 22:2-4

Today is August 25th, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian. It's great to be here with you today, as we do what we do, gather and take the next step forward together. So, it's good to be around the Global Campfire today as we move forward together. And our next move forward is certainly the next step after where we left off, which leads us back into the book of Job, where conversation between Job and his friends is turned a little bit more aggressive, a bit more argumentative. Mostly because Job is holding onto innocence and his friends are defending God saying that can't be, and so Job has some more to say about that. Today, Job chapters 16, 17, 18 and 19.

Commentary:

Okay so, in the book of Job, we can see in the conversation, that it has gotten agitated, even to the point where like, some insults are being hurled at each other. Job's friends are exasperated, they cannot understand where he is coming from, they understand what he is saying, they understand what he is declaring about himself, that he is innocent and what he is experiencing has no justice in it at all. But that doesn't make any sense to them, they can't comprehend what he is saying, especially when what he is saying is that God has treated him unjustly. And so, we can look at the agitation of the friends and even the agitation of Job in the way that they're going at each other and go, come on guys just calm down here like, man when we’re trying to explain something to someone or share our point of view and offer corrective advice or even comfort and there's a lot of pushback and God is in the middle, we can see how we would get pretty agitated to, and we do this kind of stuff, including telling people where they're going to go, if they if they don't agree that we’re right. Like, we’re not really doing any better than Job's friends, when it comes to a situation like this one. Because when we encounter something that's problematic for us, we want the solution to the problem, so that the problem can be eradicated. And when we’re faced with something that we can’t comprehend and so, it…it forces us to question, we want the answer. I do, I'm like that. I have a lot of questions about a lot of things, and I would love to know the answer to all of them. But what I have found is that questions, lead to more questions and if we keep asking the questions, then at some point we reach the end of human wisdom. And the answer to the question is, nobody knows, which is frustrating, but it is also the place where faith begins. We don't have to put our faith in what we already know, we already know it. Faith isn’t really required; faith keeps us reaching beyond ourselves. And Job is trying to reach beyond himself and finding frustration in the reach, at the same time he's got his friends telling him that he's on the wrong path altogether. He’s going about this the wrong way, which doesn't bring Job all that much comfort at all. So, Job says, and I quote, “I have heard all this before. What miserable comforters you are. Don’t you ever stop blowing hot air? What makes you keep on talking? I could say the same things if you were in my place. I could spout off criticism and shake my head at you.” Job has questions that he cannot find answers to but those questions themselves, are very disruptive to his friends, because they have a worldview and an understanding. And now Job is questioning all that because of the circumstances that he is in and so there's this conflict. But if we think about our own experiences with grief and suffering and people who are in suffering, that we interact with, we realize that we have the same tendencies. We want to give the person some kind of advice that can correct and help them, we want to help them have some kind of perspective that will make some sense, even to us, because so often, when we’re giving the advice that we’re giving to a suffering person, we’re speaking to our own fears. That this might someday happen to us, we’re speaking at our own fears and faithlessness and that is fertile soil for conflict an argument because somebody needs to be right or there's going to be a lot of disruption, and we become very insecure about what we think that we know, that we need to be right. And we’re watching this with Job and his friends, battle over who gets to be right. It’s just that Job thinks he is right. But what he wants is to find that out from God. And so, even in our reading today as we’re watching the back-and-forth, the agitation, even the insults that are happening between Job and his friends, we still see Job is unshakable in what he believes. Like, he has not deviated from the moment the tragedy began. He has stuck to his story. And like, even though he has all kinds of questions, what he seeks is God. To see God. Which brings us to a very famous passage from the book of Job, as Job is reaffirming his own position and it's riveting, as for me, right, like, I don't know about the rest of you, but as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives and He will stand upon the earth, at last, and after my body has decayed, yet in my body I will see God. I will see Him for myself. Yes, I will see Him with my own eyes. I am overwhelmed at the thought. And just hearing Job say that I am overwhelmed at the thought too. To know that one day, we will see God. We will see God for ourselves. That is an overwhelming hope. So, regardless of what's going on in the back-and-forth, what we are seeing is that Job has a sense of how things are and he's staying to that, he believes he can be corrected. But the only one that can do that is God. And so, that is where his focus is. May we use this as a backdrop to contemplate our own lives and once again continue to look at our own seasons of wilderness and suffering and hardship, is that where we land? Do we listen to everyone else's voice or is our hope utterly and completely in God? So that, we too, can say I know my Redeemer lives and He will stand upon the earth, at last, and after my body has decayed, yet in my body I will see God. I will see Him for myself. I will see Him with my own eyes. It's an overwhelming thought.

Prayer:

And Father, it is an overwhelming thought. And our trials and tribulations and hardship and pain and suffering and grief and loss, they tear us down but they tear us down in such a way that we must reach for You as our only hope. Help us to examine our lives in the ways that we have tried to comfort ourselves or try to arrange for comfort or force comfort to be given to us in a way that we want, as opposed to a resolute steadfast pursuit of Your presence. Come, Holy Spirit into this we pray, in the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com that is home base, that's where the Global Campfire is burning. And if you're using the Daily Audio Bible app, it's burning there, as well, so check it out. Check out the different sections. Check out the Community Section, there are links there to get connected on social media and that is where the Prayer Wall is and that is an always on, always available resource for us. We can always go and share what's going on in our lives and ask for prayer, we can always go there and pray for one another and let each other know that they’re being prayed for and it's a beautiful gift to know that you're being prayed for by your brothers and sisters. And so, that is at the Prayer Wall in the Community Section.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible. If the mission to bring the spoken word of God, read fresh, every day and offered freely to anybody who will listen, anywhere on planet Earth or anywhere that, anywhere, anywhere that you can get the Internet. Which I imagine probably can go beyond, I've never been beyond earth, but nevertheless, anywhere there is Internet, you can be around the Global Campfire and building community around that rhythm and going through it together. That's, that's what we’re doing here, that is life-giving and has made a difference, then thank you for being life-giving, we wouldn't be here if we weren't here together and so thank you for your partnership. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you're using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address is P.O. Box 1996 Springhill, Tennessee 37174.

And if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can certainly hit the Hotline button in the app, no matter where you are in the world or there are a number of numbers that you can dial depending on where you are in the world: in the Americas 877-942-4253 is the number to call, if you are in the UK or Europe 44 2036 088078 is the number to dial, and if you are in Australia or that part of the world 61 3 8820 5459 is the number to call.

And that's it for today, I'm Brian, I love you and I'll be waiting for you here, tomorrow.

[friedbreadwombat]

To die means to have lived.

And also my teachers that have literally grilled me to near death for my genius intellect bullshit ability to get grades and As for their school rep,

Over the fact that I looked like the very epitomy of "please take this child to therapy they are not okay and are very young"

They would rather I die and bleed, than not get the As for them.

The manipulation is obvious. Enough said. I don't need to explain as if my recount is simply an opinion with no value. Even so, my recount has more value than anything you could offer, and you know that. Otherwise, you wouldnt need me this badly. You wouldnt break knees for my goods. Even though you said outright that you didnt need me.

So why don't you leave me alone? Since you clearly dont care, which I refused to believe, because I actually fucking cared about you. Your opinion had reached me, but it held nothing and meant nothing, because it was genuinely valueless, and you know it, too. I had struggled to comprehend what you had meant. But I could find no answers. Or, literally anything.

Because there was no question to begin with.

So why is your entire staff body so hung up on a little minor teenager that wont just do your shit for you?

Imagine adults bullying children. I dont need to do that. Both contextuals.

I could really name drop each and every one of them right here. I remembered everything, jackasses. And all the people that did similar things, who weren't teachers, sure, but it doesnt look like theyre turning out to be great people. They will prove themselves anyway, if it is so certain that they are in any way great. And they're all scared of a nice child, like said child is nothing but a fucking murderer. I did not butcher your self esteems. You did that yourself. You couldnt handle one (1) literal child, and threw a collective, hissy fit about it.

And it really hurt. Because in spite of all that, this child really did care about you all, because maybe, this child didnt know love much. Maybe this child tried to learn it by maybe knowing you.

Maybe you failed this child completely and utterly. Not because you were obliged to do shit, I didnt care if you didnt care about me, but because you failed the bare minimum of being a respectful human being and dove straight into the negative-range, what kind of adults bully children like whatever happened back there?

I could detail every little thing and you will never not deflect it. I assume this makes you angry? Like it always does? What is making you angry? Please tell me then. Try me. I literally, dare you. I have nothing to truly hide, nor anything to truly lose. I am a human. This is the game of life. And you clearly don't know it. Because all of you were too weak, and none of you were capable enough, to face it, On your own. I may have said it once, or not, but I'll say it again. Here.

Nobody can live your life or do your battles for you. You do that yourself. Sometimes there are people beside you, all of various histories entangled with yours. Sometimes they help you. But they can only help you.

People can only help you. They cannot do it for you. This means, that by expecting everybody else to do it for you, that you yourself,

Have done absolutely nothing. Hm. And you say thats about how much Ive done over those couple of years.

Quite the irony, don't you agree?

Otherwise prove me wrong.

But I dont need your answer or not, to know that you can't.

You've shown enough of yourself before for me to pass this judgement. You give yourself more credit than necessary.

Indeed, you're just an exam center to me. Im just going into this, just like any other kid my age would enroll in a school. It is a part of growing up, and it taught me how to cement my change into the most hard to change minds. You absolute fucking mormons.

May god bless you because you will need it. Why? Why not.

Sueing me changes nothing, btw. Every normal fucking person knows, that doing that, is absolutely fucking bonkers, in the stupid way. And you dont even dare push that in the first place, you coward.

I deserve a place in this world. Maybe I am an asshole that deserves to die, even though none of you had the audacity to say this to my face, me, the worst being in existence, in your area like its blackpink babeyy. But you do not have to be an asshole like me, to be capable of being wrong, on more than one occassion.

And maybe, just maybe, you are an asshole too.

Let's both be assholes, together, shitting in harmony. No hand in unloveable hand, I dont like touching people.

Also short psa being a frequent sex haver or relationship haver doesnt mean getting bitches for real, if you still speak, talk, walk, exist in the form of an incel.

I know you all stared when I was in my prom dress. Nobody had the choice to look away, because nobody did, quite literally. Very surreal experience. I don't really recommend, I don't value the opinions for very obvious reasons. I know you liked all the art you saw on my notes, gory and barely finished honestly as most of them were. I possessed enough talent to make yall insecure, I get it. I dont like drawing. I killed you all with what little of what I am capable of that I showed.

This is the epitome of "Hounding people or even asking them about what, pubic hair yes no, doesnt make them like you romantically or otherwise, Louis. I also dont recognise that kink anywhere, never seen it, in Japan or outside of Japan, you weeb. Doxxing someone doesn't, either. Go back to 4chan, we don't like you. Trust me. They will kill you out there. Actually I was just kidding. Im gonna go crawl back in my hidey hole, and red headphones (ayy?) go explore the rest of tumblr, and do talk to at least 8 villagers, to progress to the next area. I know you're a gamer boy, amigo, you can do this, you got this."

Just go live your life and stop hurting people. Oh wait, none of you will do that. Perish then.

♡ not really ♡ go die ♡ or Call the local suicide hotline if youre really gonna go die

[bowie-boy]

please tell me how the narrator is a trans man

@originalpatrolsheep @undeadbreeze I’m @ing you here because I actually received this ask first!

FIGHT CLUB SPOILERS BELOW

Without further ado, here is my explanation as to how Fight Club is a trans metaphor!

The Narrator is a trans man

At the beginning of the film, the narrator is an insomniac and is wildly depressed. He can’t sleep. He starts visiting a center for men with testicular cancer. This is where he meets Bob, a man with no testicles and with breasts. Despite this, Bob is still seen as a man. It’s only in Bob’s arms that the Narrator, saying “We are still men,” can cry and therefore sleep. The Narrator feels gender euphoria when he is with Bob, a cis man with feminine features who is still considered male.

Everything changes when Marla Singer, a woman, begins to attend the same centers as the Narrator. It is only when she arrives that the Narrator feels like an impostor there and becomes hyperaware of his own lies amongst the people at the centers. Therefore, the Narrator cannot cry anymore and can no longer sleep. (In real life, some trans people may feel uncomfortable spending time with those that are the opposite gender as them for fear of being seen as part of that group and getting misgendered, which is partially what I believe spooks the Narrator here.)

Marla Singer represents the Narrator’s relationship with his own femininity, something he unwillingly ties to his dysphoria. Despite his love-hate relationship with her throughout the film, she remains one of his staunchest allies and is perhaps the only thing keeping him grounded in who he is and who he used to be throughout the film.

Shortly after meeting Marla, the Narrator meets (creates) Tyler Durden. Tyler describes himself to the Narrator later in the film: “All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look. I fuck like you wanna fuck. I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.” Trans much? Tyler Durden is the idealized cis man, the prototype for masculinity that everyone in society is fed at an early age. (These representations affect and even especially affect trans men.) Tyler is the standard that the Narrator’s internalized transphobia makes him feel like he must live up to, or else he isn’t a real man.

The Narrator’s relationship with Tyler eventually leads to the creation of Fight Club, a hub of toxic masculinity that attracts all sorts of men. All of them have one thing in common—they want to prove themselves. Tyler repeatedly says that the men in Fight Club are “the most manly men” he has ever seen, a wonderfully effective way for the Narrator to validate himself. What’s more, no women are allowed. The Narrator doesn’t have to face his own femininity in Fight Club, and he doesn’t have to face that side of his dysphoria.

It’s around this point in the movie that Tyler and Marla become involved in a sexual relationship. This is symbolic in itself in the sense that the Narrator’s internalized transphobia is “dominating” his femininity and dysphoria. Even more important is the fact that the Narrator can never see Tyler and Marla in the same room. This is because, to the Narrator, they cannot coexist. The Narrator can no longer comprehend his masculinity and his femininity coexisting in him. He can deal with one or the other at one time, but he forgets that he can have both at once. The Narrator himself believes that neither is taking over his life and neither is being lost. This is what ultimately leads to his downfall.

(This is a little unrelated but it’s important to note that the solution of Tyler and toxic masculinity never helps the Narrator sleep as well as the centers at the beginning of the film did. The Narrator learns that he was never sleeping when he was with Tyler, he was just taking on a new side of himself. Internalized transphobia also led the Narrator to self-harm in many ways (the chemical burn, the fighting, the car crash). Hypermasculinity was not a helpful solution.)

It’s at this point in the film that the ongoing symbol of testicles (I know it sounds silly but hear me out) shows up again. This time, testicles are not something trivial on a man that have nothing to do with his masculinity and maleness. They are used as a threat. Tyler and some members of his army meet up with an official in the city, someone who challenges their ability to destroy buildings and public works. Tyler makes the official an offer: he can save his city or he can save his balls. The official chooses the latter. This is incredibly telling, as the men the Narrator associated with at the beginning of the film had no choice but to remove their testicles. This didn’t make them any less manly in the eyes of the Narrator. Now, though, the Narrator’s own projected sense of internalized transphobia presents a strong message: testicles are important to your status as a man.

It’s shortly after this that the Narrator views Tyler Durden’s relationship with Angel Face, someone who can be described as nothing else but a pretty boy. Tyler, despite being the epitome of toxic and hypermasculinity, respects and adores the somewhat feminine Angel Face. How does the Narrator react? By beating Angel Face until he is bloody and fully disfigured. This represents the Narrator’s resentment of society’s treatment of trans men. The Narrator does not see himself in Angel Face the way that he once saw himself in Bob. He feels that cis men can easily balance femininity and masculinity, that these two things can coexist without an issue for them. For trans men, masculinity must win out, or else society (or at the very least internalized transphobia) will never accept them. Tyler drives the Narrator much harder than Angel Face with much less payoff, and so the Narrator must destroy Angel Face as revenge.

The Narrator seems to have everything he wants until Bob shows up in the film again. The Narrator asks Bob if he’s still attending the centers they met at, to which Bob replies no—he’s now joined Fight Club. At first, this is validating for the Narrator. Bob is feminine still, with no testicles and large breasts, but he’s still considered man enough for Fight Club. The Narrator more or less lets Tyler (AKA unchecked toxic masculinity) do what he likes with Bob. This ends with Bob getting killed. In fact, Bob’s brains are blown out as he tries to follow one of Tyler’s orders. Bob represented a chance at normalcy for the Narrator, proof that men with breasts and without balls were worth just as much as other men. But Bob dies at the hands of the Narrator’s toxic masculinity, and it is this event that leads the Narrator to realize just how much he’s lost to his own feelings of inadequacy.

It’s at this point that the Narrator starts to question his toxic masculinity and his internalized transphobia. He realizes that he’s no longer even himself anymore, just a copy-and-pasted blueprint of the man society has told him that he should be. He can’t recognize himself anymore, can’t keep track of what he really feels and what he only tries to, and he realizes that he needs to end his hypermasculinity before it’s too late.

There’s only one person the Narrator can turn to to get his old self back: Marla. He visits her, apologizing for his behavior towards her. He even tells her that deep down, he really really likes her. This is a big moment for the Narrator. He admits here that his feminine side isn’t something he despises, but rather something he fears getting close to. The other important thing is that Tyler, who was once sleeping with Marla and deeply invested in her, now views her as a threat. The Narrator’s femininity threatens to overtake his masculinity, his dysphoria and euphoria threaten to overrule his internalized masculinity. Tyler wants to destroy Marla, and the Narrator wants to protect her.

For the last time in this film, the symbol of testicles appears. This solidifies how far the Narrator has fallen, how deeply he’s lost himself to self-hatred and feelings of inadequacy. Upon trying to destroy Tyler’s plan, Tyler’s army of men turns on the Narrator and tells him they’re going to cut off his balls. To them and to Tyler, this represents that the Narrator has turned against his brothers, his maleness. The loss of his testicles will show this to everyone. The Narrator, horrified, manages to escape this fate, but without his pants. He spends the final act in his underwear, somewhat symbolic of the trans body he’s worked so hard to achieve and has spent so much of the film despising.

At last, the final fight of the film. The Narrator faces off with Tyler, and must attempt to regain control of his own head. The Narrator struggles at first, unable to accept the fact that him and his internalized transphobia are one in the same, and that he has the power to overrule it. Finally giving into himself, the consequences of his actions, and the messiness of gender and his own expression as a human being, the Narrator takes control and shoots himself. With this, Tyler dies, and so does the Narrator’s internalized transphobia. His toxic masculinity is no more. He’s given himself permission to display his masculinity as much as he wants, and in any way he wants. Internalized transphobia has power over him no more.

Marla then enters the room. She expresses concern for him, the simple Narrator she met at the beginning of the film now so torn up and injured. This is representative of the Narrator’s past pre-transition self looking at his most transitioned self. He’s bruised and broken, a lot different than before. But he insists that he’s okay, and he truly means it. The Narrator is now more himself than ever. It’s in this confidence that the Narrator’s takes Marla’s hand, finally accepting his own femininity, dysphoria, and the full scope of his gender expression. “You met me at a very strange time in my life.”

In a final image, the buildings all around the Narrator and Marla explode and collapse, leaving nothing behind. The Narrator could not stop this total destruction. But the film does not make this a sad moment. It’s rather somewhat wistful, perhaps even hopeful. The Narrator had to destroy himself in order to be reborn as his full and true self. A rebirth. Isn’t that was being trans is?

Thank you for the ask! I hope you enjoy my analysis :)

[pompompurin1028]

Heyyy 🥰

Okay okay, a thought: Dazai has a similar mind to Mori's, but the day Oda dies he decides to let his emotions influence his decisicion. Which means he's actually a highly emotional person, right? But what if part from his great suffering comes from him not being able to UNDERSTAND all his emotions. What if he has a sky-high analytical intelligence and is therefore skilled at deciphering other peoples' emotions, but can't seem to understand and hence accept himself?

Summary: Dazai is an highly emotional person? And his intense emotions are what is causing his suffering?

Ooo this is a very interesting thought Jade!!😌

Mori and Dazai are definitely quite similar, they are complex and intelligent characters that are seemingly logic driven with the tendency to look at the whole picture of a situation!

But I actually do highly agree with you that Dazai is actually a highly emotional person🤔 I have always felt that about him. But I don't believe that I have enough evidence to support my claim unfortunately, at least canonical evidence, but I will still talk about my thoughts below cause I’ve been thinking about this a lot. But my belief is actually opposite to yours, I believe that his suffering comes from being too sensitive to his emotions and understanding and feeling them too deeply. But I would love to hear your thoughts as well after reading this!

We can see this with Oda of course, as you’ve said! The fact that Oda's words and his death alone is able to drive him out of the mafia, despite not really knowing about what the future could hold and all the uncertain factors that could happen if he left the mafia, somewhere where he is extremely familiar with to one that is unpredictable kinda shows that he is an emotional person. Because this is definitely not a rational decision, and as you said one driven by emotions.

Another thing that I think might have actually shown that he may actually be, originally, an emotional person is that he numbs himself of emotions. Yes perhaps it may seen paradoxical, but sensitive people are actually more prone to suffering from emotional numbness surprisingly, or so I've read. Because it is in human nature to defend against pain, and with emotional sensitive and intense people, it is extremely easy to be able to feel everything around them. And I personally believe Dazai is actually a sensitive person (I will talk about why I feel this more later), and this coupled with his high intelligence is extremely self destructive to him. 

This is because as you said he has a sky-high analytical intelligence, I mean he is able to at a young age of 15/14 to understand the idea that there is no point in the act of living. He is able to see the deepest truth in life, and a knowledge of the universe beyond our common understanding that some of us are not even able to comprehend in a lifetime, thus showcasing his absolutely high analytical ability. But the understanding of the hopelessness of the world, and the lack of a meaning in living in this life is what is hurting him the most, especially if he is extremely sensitive. This would explain his utter hopelessness and emptiness he feels. Also may explain why his emotions are stunted or seemingly so, as it may actually be his own mind using it as a self-defense mechanism to prevent further sources of pain and suffering. 

This can also be supported by a quote from Dazai-sensei himself in one of the short stories from Blue Bamboo (I believe it is The Samurai and the Mermaid) which says “how I envy those self-satisfied commoners who, seeing nothing and comprehending nothing are convinced they know it all. There are in this world things of such mysteries and awesome beauty that the small minded cannot even imagine them. There are, yet he who discovers them risk falling into a bottomless hell”.

Him being highly emotional could also explain why he is such a good strategist, as we’ve seen throughout the anime. Dazai in his plans doesn’t simply manipulate people to do what he wants them to do, I’m not saying he doesn’t because it can definitely be seen that he does in a few different cases. But in a lot of scenarios especially in his long term plans, we actually also see him predicting how other people will react to different situations presented to them rather than him guiding them like pawns on a chessboard to establish his plans. (Prime example of this is his plan with Chuuya in Dead Apple). 

So the main question you may be asking right now then is probably, where did the assumption that he is emotionally sensitive come from in the first place then? I have this assumption because Dazai-sensei himself is a very emotionally sensitive person, this can also be observed in No Longer Human as well. 

One of the quotes from No Longer Human that could support this is “The weak fear happiness itself. They can harm themselves on cotton wool. Sometimes they are wounded even by happiness”. You can also see it subtly in this quote "For someone like myself in whom the ability to trust others is so cracked and broken that I am wretchedly timid and am forever trying to read the expression on people's faces”. The fact that he is always trying to read the expression on other people’s faces shows that he fears rejection, and is extremely anxious about how other people see him and view him, but also at the same time craves acceptance.

“I have always shook with fright before human beings. Unable as I was to feel the least particle of confidence in my ability to speak and act like a human being, I kept my solitary agonies locked in my breast. I kept my melancholy and my agitation hidden, careful lest any trace should be left exposed. I feigned an innocent optimism; I gradually perfected myself in the role of the farcical eccentric.” Here’s another quote from No Longer Human, once again fearing and is extremely anxious of what others think about him and seems to be sensitive to criticism and being called out as an outsider, and being different, and the mask that he wears is actually a defense mechanism used to protect himself.

Of course No Longer Human is not the only source that shows Dazai-sensei’s sensitivity. Other short stories have also showcases similar themes such as this. His short story 《候鳥》 I wasn't able to find the English equivalent wrote 「太敏感的人會體諒到他人的痛苦，自然就無法輕易做到坦率。所謂的坦率，其實就是暴力。」 It means people who are too sensitive can understand the pain of others, naturally they are unable to be frank. For "frankness" is equivalent to violence.

I also remember somewhere it talked about Dazai-sensei being too anxious to visit someone as well and was pacing outside of their house? I don't remember where I read it though and I can't find it again😭

Therefore from these many examples, I have a few that Dazai is actually a sensitive person judging by how much he is also described as such in other articles; and Yozo as well in academic journals and articles I have read.

And so I believe that he may be able to feel emotions quite deeply, not only that but also understand the world deeply as well. And it is this deep understanding that is the source of his despair, his difference from other humans, because they are not able to understand him on that level. It is actually the fact the he might be too human that he ceased to become human. But the reason why I am still thinking about whether or not this is true is mainly because how he treated Akutagawa, which I feel doesn’t really fit this idea.