#i really should narrow down the amount of projects i'm working on

[pfhwrittes]

to do list:

100 words on part two of the angsty binders and boyfriends piece

blow the dust off the notes i have for johnny's dealing drugs and feelings headcannon (and maybe pop 50 words down)

rewatch a few episodes of season 1 of bbc ghost's to get the worms to dance for goddamn ghosts au

contemplate cross-posting some of the retail hell au stuff over to ao3, formatting be damned

[rubberduckyrye]

You know I've seen quite a few people say they're wanting to make v3 rewrites lately--and as someone who is actively working on one by myself, I feel like I should give some advice. I know I'm nowhere NEAR done with Twins AU, but I've made a ridiculous amount of progress and I think these things have greatly helped me out personally

So here are my tips for making a V3 rewrite and actually making it stick/not to burn out before the first chapter!

This is important. Don't try to please everyone. You will never please everyone. Write this for yourself, and you will find an audience. People can and will hate your fic no matter what you do. Don't try to please them, they are not your target audience-- so Write this story for, first and foremost, yourself. It'll feel so much more rewarding if you do I promise.

V3's main theme is extremely muddied due to how the narrative was and how open ended the game was left, and from my own research, no one can agree on what V3 was trying to say about truth and lies, or Reality and Fiction. If you want to rewrite this story, you're going to need to narrow down what you want your rewrite to say about the themes presented.

PLAN THE EVIDENCE AND MURDERS AS THOROUGHLY AS YOU CAN. I think not knowing what I was going to do for the cases and trials really scared me for the longest time until I essentially sat myself down and fleshed out all of the cases for Twins AU. Make evidence lists, do research on how your murder cases might go, the works. It's a lot of work but I personally followed this post and also made an evidence list to help me out plot out the murders for Twins AU. This is also a great way to flesh out your protagonist as well, since you get to explore their note-taking style and what kind of language they'd use for taking notes and if they have opinions about certain things.

Write a summary of each character in the story. DR games have a big cast and V3 has an even BIGGER cast than usual, so it's good to write down summaries for all of the characters. I also suggest really studying each character too, even if you plan on changing a character to better suit your tastes (or to get rid of offensive material.... looking at you Angie) you still want to keep the core of their character intact for fans of that character.

Speaking of characters, make sure to try and remember to write each one as a human being, even if they aren't human (Kiibo for example). Develop them, give them quirks and flaws, motivations and wants and desires and dreams. Even if you hate a character, doing this much character study will help you keep them in character and keep their motivations reasonable and understandable.

If you don't have a good grasp on a character, study harder. Don't go looking for other people's interpretations or try to be a crowd pleaser. Make your own interpretation, and that interpretation becomes special to your rewrite.

If you plan on changing a character, for the love of GOD do your research first. Don't go accidentally making Angie into a worse racist caricature of Pacific Islanders Please and Thank You. Actually, just do a ton of research in subject you think might be relevant to a character or the plot--like Gonta and how ableism prevails in his story. Like how Shuichi has anxiety up the wazoo and how Maki has learned helplessness. Study and research hard.

Pace yourself--I don't think people realize how GIANT a V3 rewrite project is--remember that this game is extremely long and you cannot write this in a single month. Once all of your planning is done, write a reasonable amount for it each day. For me, I'm able to crank out 2k a day because I type absurdly fast, but most people would probably want to start at maybe 500 words a day.

If you're not having fun, step back. You might be burnt out and need a break, or maybe the scene you're writing is just not working. Take time to assess your own feelings and do what is appropriate to resolve them.

Don't feel too discouraged if you need to rewrite a whole scene--it happens to the best of us and sometimes things are just not working. It's not lost progress to retry--consider the scene you are replacing as a rough draft you need to remake. I've had to erase huge 1k chunks due to this.

Reward yourself for big accomplishments! When I finished the prologue, I threw myself and my editor ( @trans-shuichisaihara ) a pizza party, and I plan on doing something like that again, albeit probably cheaper. Reward yourself for huge milestones! Hell, I owe myself at least one treat for two chapters I've written, but tbh I've been having so much fun just writing that doing so is rewarding within itself. That doesn't mean external factors can't help, so if you finish a chapter and you're proud of it, buy yourself a treat for working so hard!

If you got a friend who likes editing/beta reading, invite them to beta read for you! They can help you find errors and typos that you might've missed. If you plan on editing your fic, I highly recommend reading your writing out loud to help you find weird sentence structures and awkward phrases. This should have the bonus of making it easier for people who use screen readers/just prefer audiobooks to enjoy your fic as well!

EDIT! Here are two more:

It's okay to be scared writing something new! Getting out of your comfort zone is going to happen with a giant story like this, and maybe you're going to flop at the best parts. That's perfectly fine!!! You can always edit it later--or even just call it "good enough" and move on! This is fanfic for fun, not a professional project you're making money off of. It's okay if things are less than ideal and incredible imperfect. An imperfect story is at least written. That's better than not writing it at all.

For the love of everything that is holy, remember that the characters should be people--and remember that their talents do not make up their entire personality. Their talents should not solely dictate what they wear, how they act, or the worst offender in this fandom--how their executions go. When writing a character Execution, think instead of what would be the worst way for that character to die--that is to say, what would bring them the most despair upon their death. DR1 and DRV3's executions all play with the despair of the blackened in each execution (with DR2 being noted to heavily miss the mark and to be the set of executions that are the most disappointing to Kodaka, from what I've been told.) So if you're stuck on writing a new Execution, try to think about what each execution from DR1 and DRV3 does to play with the despair of the blackened. What about their executions are giving them despair in their final moments? Do they at all relate to their talents, or are they completely separate from their talent? Study them, and you'll be able to use that information to write your own unique executions that are miles better than most of the fan made executions out there.

And I think that's my advice for now! Happy writing, everyone!

[stick-by-me]

you got any good recommendations for good little stickers that aren't too expensive? I'm wanting to decorate a Bunch of toploader cards if that helps give an idea for what I mean

I'll admit, I had to google toploader cards (and even then, I'm not completely sure what you're looking for, vibes-wise?) Regardless, I tried to assemble some of my picks for things I thought would work.

Of course, if you are able, my first suggestion will always be to go to craft/toy stores near you and see what they have. It's almost always better to see your project materials in person, just to make sure they work for your vision. Even generic stores like Target sometimes have hidden gems, often found near the greeting cards, the arts-and-crafts section, or by the register.

Of course, the internet is obviously a wonderful place full of stickers.

When I think small, cheap stickers, my first thought is usually Korean stationary. If you want wholly decorative stickers, such as hearts or ribbons, that would certainly be my recommendation, though they are often a very distinctive style that could clash with the vibe you're going for. I know Sunset Studio DIY is doing a clearance sale right now, but frankly if you just google "Korean stickers" you should find a bunch of cute stuff for pretty cheap :]

I think I'm biased in recommending them, but I really do love Mrs. Grossman's micro stickers. They're just... so cute. I have the bugs. And the dessert. And the shoes. And the discontinued weather...

If you want a more vintage look, or even just more variety, I'd take a look at Sticker Magic. I have not bought from their website, so I unfortunately don't know if shipping would rack the price up. If it does, and you're US-based, I know Sticker Planet has some of their stuff for pretty cheap, too. Though, a lot of them are a bit thicker than your average sticker. So if you need your cards to lay flat they may not be the best option.

If you want to focus on a particular animal and just buy in bulk, I think I'd recommend Beyond the Box Creations. I admittedly haven't bought from them myself, but I've had my eye on their dragon set for a While. Might be a bit large for what you want, though?

I wouldn't consider Pipsticks minis super cheap, but I don't think they're super expensive either. You get a decent amount for the price you pay, and Pipsticks is pretty good quality all around. And some of them are just. Really cute 😭.

And, if you truly, honest-to-all do not care about consistency or cohesion, sometimes it's fun to just buy a sticker (flake) grab bag! In the past, I've gotten some from CandySweetDesignShop, TakeASipCo, BookishStickerClub, ArtfulLynnz, KawaiiPackrat, and probably more. (I have a problem.) The risk you take with these, of course, is that some of what you get might not work. Still, they're fun! And you can almost always find one in your desired genre for decently cheap. You can find them on almost any multi-hosting shopping site (like eBay, Etsy, Mercari, etc.) If you want small stickers, it might help to clarify "sticker flake grab bag" or "sticker mod grab bag".

As an expansion on that last suggestion, I'll let you in on a little secret. This is the best vintage sticker mod mystery pack I've found, as of now. AND it's in stock!

I hope these were helpful! If you want more specific advice, feel free to send another ask to help me narrow it down :D

[bisquicklite]

WIP Wednesday! (Tuesday? Lets Pretend its Wednesday :3)

Oh dear. Oh goodness. I have been selected for sacrifice tagged by @lili-spots! Thank you for the tag, my sweet lil mutual! :D

Okay so I don't really have any active projects that I'm working on (actively) at the moment. But! I do have a bunch of projects that I've been meaning to start and a whole bunch of google docs that I want to turn into completed stories and projects!

One specific project is at the top of the 'Things I'm Definitely going to Write When I Eventually Get Down and Start Writing them' is my hand crafted wolchefant meet-cute between my adorable catgirl Osha and my favorite French catholic elf Haurchefant.

Now I have written an amount of said meet-cute, but I have not looked at it for months. Its stuck in the limbo of needing to be edited/rewritten/cannibalized into a standalone story.

Below the cut is going a tidbit of that work that I like the look of! :3

Hand Crafted Meet-Cute: Feat. Osha 'Pickaxes-are-Valid-Weapons-if-You-Use-Them-Right' Qhantari, licensed Miner and alleged Warrior of Light, practicing irresponsible cave exploring to save a spriggan she found a few bells ago.

They may not have been friends long, but Qiggy had come to her needing help. Osha promised she would help get them home. She had promised she would keep them safe.

Somewhere behind her the small collection of knights were talking amongst themselves, strategizing how they could get down there to deal with the wyrm. If they had acknowledged her, Osha wouldn't have noticed.

All at once she was leaping to her feet, her stride smooth but strong. Wing-Ding regarded her with a quirked head as Osha dug through the chocobo’s saddle bag. Though the pouches were perpetually in a state of controlled chaos, it was easy enough to find the length of carefully coiled rope.

There weren’t any trees or stumps close enough nearby to tie it to, and she wasn’t going to burden Wing-Ding with trying to lower her down a hole.

But there was a gaggle of Ishgardian knights within reach. All of them weighed down with chainmail, some of them looking to be a perfect counter-weight to her much slighter frame.

Right, that one looks sturdy, she thought, eyeing up a particularly tall Elezen knight with silver hair and enough muscles that holding her weight should be no problem. Osha didn’t break her stride as she pressed the other half of the rope into his chest, startling him enough for his very blue eyes to widen when their gaze briefly met.

“Hold this.” She instructed simply, offering no further explanation as she continued towards the steep opening the friend disappeared into, holding tight to the other end of the rope in her grip.

“Excuse me?- Wait!- miss?” That must have been the knight she had charged with holding the rope, and he was trying to talk sense into the situation. “Surely you don’t mean to-”

“Do not drop me.” Osha cut him off, and before he or the other gathered knights had a chance to even try to stop her was already leaping down the hole. Her gloved hands gripped the rope and her body jerked to a stop, the world narrowing to rock walls coated in ice pressing in around her. The sky above her was but a strip of overcast gray that shrank the further down she went.

Thank you again for the tag! I've never done this before so I'm just going to viciously assault tag a few folks! (apologies if you've already done this or have no interest) @unchangingeverchanging, @irisopranta, @snotsloth, @sasslett, @jarael

[quirkwizard]

Hey wiz! I hope you are having a good day😊. I have this idea for a Quirk which allows the user to digitally Astral project their consciousness into electric powered technology and interact with them on a deeper level and enter the digital space. This quirk grants the user the ability to manipulate and control digital systems, accessing and influencing various electronic devices, networks, softwares and could for example directly possess electric powered technology and establish a direct connection and take control of its functions operate in it as if it was their own body. Maybe if the user has hacking and programming skills they could do more efficient coding due to being directly in the Digital realm. I really don’t know how to really expand it and fully make a quirk out it and I also don’t really have any idea for a cool,suitable,catchy name. I hope this could work as a quirk characters that inspired my general concept was mainly Hack aka Zalika from Suicide Squad Kill the Justice League (Ik the game wasn’t all that good but I really loved her character design and character overall ), Hacker from Akudama Drive, Netrunners from Cyberpunk and Spider Byte from into the Spider-Verse. I love your Blog the amount of creativity and dedication you have is honestly really admirable. Take care and stay awesome.👍

So I think there is something in the idea here, but it needs a lot of trimming. I really don't think that a Quirk like this should cover this much. Controlling technology is a really good power, and this can cover pretty much every aspect of it. I'm not even sure if you can balance it as a Quirk. I'm even on the fence about the user "astrally projecting" to do it. Because unless their body needs to be nearby, that gives them a lot more freedom to use their power since their main body doesn't need to be worried about being harmed. Unless it's more like technopathy, where the user focuses on the technology to control it? I think it'd work better if you narrowed down what Quirk can do to a handful of applications. At least start with only controlling software, controlling technology physically, or becoming this ghost in the machine as it's own idea. The closest I think you could get to this idea is something like what I did with "Chip In", where the user can influence software, but they need to leave themselves open in order to do so. If you want to do anything more than that, it would require a lot of restructuring of ideas. For example, maybe have something where the user possesses technology with their body, like what I did with "Techie".

[aesopsbaby]

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫(s): Vampire!Lo , Werewolf!Meztli (Monster AU)

𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: After a hunt, Meztli wants nothing more than to be pampered by his Vampire. However, that quickly changes when he meets eye to eye with a replica of his beloved.

𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞: EYYY!! I'm back! Sort of,,, I'm trying to get the prizes all out and I'm terribly sorry for going on a hiatus all of a sudden </33 I swear I'm working on alot of projects right now,, but no worries as I promise the winners will all receive their prizes soon! (Hopefully-) anyways~~ I hope you'll enjoy this!!

Ah,,,I really should get a beta reader because this has not been proof read so expect some grammar mistakes!!

1/5 Prize winner: @feelin-lo !

The night was peaceful. With the wind blowing softly, trees in the darkness rustling gently and the soft footfalls of animals scattering away whenever he steps on a branch.

Looking up at the moon, shining ever so brightly, he feels the corner of his lips lifted into a grin. Bringing his hand up, he wipes off the deep red staining his lips and face, however, still leaving a considerable amount behind. Not that he cares, he never did. But he did want to make himself look at least presentable before returning, to the embrace of warmth and comfort. To his home. His Lo.

Meztli reaches the front of the mansion, the tension long gone from his body after his hunt. Placing his hand on the shiny gold knob, he halts in his movements, eyes narrowing in a pensive way at the knob as the moonlight reflection bounced off of it. Meztli feels a growl bubbling up in his throat instinctively, his tips of his ears twitching slightly.

The tension came crawling back into his system, along with a sense of dread that ate him up slowly from within.

It felt as if this wasn't the same house he knew- No. No, it definitely is still the same house..- But, why was it that he could feel an impending and intense energy coming off the now foreign object in his trembling hold?

Voices. Meztli picked up on a distinctive muffled noise.

...

On..multiple voices? Meztli furrowed his eyebrows with confusion before his pupils contracted into tiny slits at the thought of a potential threat in there with Lo.

His eyes flickered with anger suddenly and all fear dissipated from him, now with a new found confidence, his grip loosen from the doorknob. Taking a couple of steps and backing away from the door, Meztli raised his leg, now opting to crash down the door. He feels a smirk tugging on his lips, bearing his white canines that are slightly stained red.

"Oh? Why don't we ask him right now then?"

At that moment, the door flung open with so much force that the hinges creaked violently. It wouldn't be a surprise if the door is now broken. The force on the action sent a gust of wind in Meztli's direction, causing him to plant his feet down instantly while raising both his arms to shield his face.

Meztli's ears were ringing, he muttered a string of curses under his breath at the sudden outburst, finally looking up after he came down from the adrenaline.

Meztli's smirk from before fell from his face, his jaw went slack as his eyes laid upon two figures.

Lo and...Lo..?

No that's not right..

He was taken aback by an unexpected sight. Standing before him was his beloved, but something was amiss. Meztli's eyes widened in disbelief as he realized that standing beside Lo was an exact replica with a sinister aura.

Confusion and tension filled the air as both males turned to look at Meztli. Meztli felt his breath hitched when he locked eyes with the shorter haired twin.

The atmosphere grew tense, almost suffocating.

"Leave him out of this. This is between us." Lo spat, glaring at the other, although having a slight tremble in his voice.

A guttural and loud laugh came from the "twin". He wipes away at fake tears in an attempt an a comedic gesture to taunt Lo. "Oh? And why should I?" He steps towards Lo, a smirk painted on his lips and his half-lided eyes soaked in his terrified expression that he kept well hidden.

"What?" He snickered. "Afraid that our darling will choose me--"

Lo scoffed, cutting him off,

"He's not "our's".. He's not "yours"! And hell, Meztli will never be yours, Master."

Master stared at him, anger swirled in his eyes at being cut off. "You have alot of nerve for someone so..weak." He smirked at him with a curt laugh, causing Lo to ball up his fists.

Their voices clashed with each other, causing Meztli to take a stumbling step back with a clenched jaw, still unable to comprehend the sight displayed infront of him.

As they continued to argue, their voices echoing through the room. Meztli found himself caught in the middle of this unexpected rivalry, torn between the two versions of his beloved.

As the argument escalated, Meztli's emotions swirled within him. He yearned for the love and companionship he once shared with Lo, but now it seemed clouded by this unsettling presence.

Would it be considered bad if he hated the other version of Lo? He despised Master, how he's currently bringing Lo down with his words and how he acted completely different from his love.

Meztli swallowed the lump in his throat, his ears went down, letting the voices drown out as he stared at Master.

..no that wasn't mainly the reason why he hated him so much. Meztli realized with a sour taste on his tongue that the main reason he had this hatred for Master was because he reminded him of himself.

Deep down, he knew that only one of them could truly be his soulmate, and that was Lo.

In the midst of the chaos, Meztli's love for Lo remained unwavering. After all, he was saved by the vampire. He still recalls how foreign it was to have his gentle touch as he took him in. How Lo treated him so delicately and how he looked at him with so much adoration in his eyes.

Master dashed towards Lo at lighting speed, getting ready to attack him.

Before he could even react, Meztli found himself sprinting towards the two, feeling a desperate pull to save and protect Lo from danger.

Meztli held out his hands, widening his stance so that he was shielding Lo behind him fully while he glared at Master. His pupils shrinking into thin slits as he bared his canines at the other Vampire.

Master raised one eyebrow, amused at the display infront of him. The shine of Meztli's sharp claws tainted slightly with blood caught, combined with his flared nose and razor sharp canines that can tear apart flesh, made Meztli look like a violent animal.

A violent and unstable animal that could grow soft at just the mere thought and touch of a vampire.

Master pursed his lips together into a thin line.

"How foolish." Master crossed his arms with a sigh at the scene. He took a step back. Narrowing his eyes at Lo and then at Meztli.

"Do not be too relieved. I'll be back for you, little wolf." With that, Master disappeared just as a thunder struck loudly, into the night sky.

Lo breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank god he's finally gone.." He looked up, realising Meztli is still in a tense action, his soft growling was still audible along with his troubled expression evident on his face. "Mez..it's alright." Lo placed his hand on his shoulder, giving a reassuring squeeze.

This broke Meztli out of his trance, whipping his entire body back to look over Lo. "It's okay, my love. We're okay." Lo whispered, making Meztli look up at him.

Lo smiled and it was as if the angels were blessed when time seemed to slow and the moonlight hit his face at the perfect angle.

Meztli felt his throat burned as if a thousand needles has been plunged into it. His vision blurred and the muddled figure of Lo made the tears well up even more. He threw himself forwards into Lo's arms, knowing, without a doubt, that Lo had already opened his arms out to embrace him.

Meztli refrained from crying out loud, only letting soft sobs escape past his lips despite trying so hard to keep them in.

"It's alright, my love..I'm here."

Then, he knew he was safe with Lo, that it was okay to let all out when hes with him. Meztli closed his eyes, letting his ears rest against his ruffled up hair, his tail swaying lightly as he let himself indulge in the oddly warm and soft embrace of his everything.

[ink-stained-clouds]

Hi, it's thesis anon! First off, congratulations on your graduation!!! I'm so excited for you, do you have any plans yet on what you want to do next (no pressure to answer at all!!!)?

I decided to take a leave for the rest of the semester, so I'll have time to do my thesis. Do you have any tips for the whole thesis process -- from researching the whole thing, to doing the framework, etc.? I'm starting from the beginning, with just the topic that I have so I have a very long way to go. I'm very anxious about it because I won't have any advisor supervising me (for now, because I'm doing this before the start of the semester) and I won't really know if I'm going the right way plus I am not very confident I'll figure it out. Any tips for this self-doubting thesis anon? All tips are appreciated.

Thanks!

first of all, lmao, sorry about ^ it is definitely not June 1st

Anyways, thank you!! I'll be starting my PhD in the fall, I'm very excited

I'm so glad your thesis stuff is working out!! I absolutely have tips, I'm gonna write down everything I can think of right now but I'll reblog and add to this if I think of anything else!

My biggest tip is to give yourself the benefit of the doubt. You're going to become the expert in this, your supervisor, unless by some very strange coincidence, will not have even close to the depth and breadth of knowledge on your topic as you will. You're so much more capable than you think you are

As for researching, keep your notetaking and organization consistent. I'd highly recommend something like Zotero which I did not use for my thesis and regret immensely. But whatever you choose, consistency will really help when you're writing and need to find information you know you have but don't know exactly where. Having to search eight different word docs with 75% the same info as the last word doc you looked at is exhausting, ask me how I know 😅

Start broad with your literature review and narrow in on your topic as you outline/write. The best advice my advisor gave me was that the literature review should literally lead you to the research question. I think of it as like an upside down triangle, at the top you have the foundational theoretical literature/methods, then you get more and more specific until you come to your research question at the point of the triangle. Not sure if that makes sense, I can give you pictures of outlining I've done if it'll help

When I started reading for my literature review I kept a doc which I read all the abstracts and noted articles I wanted to read in full, personally that worked pretty well for me

Going off of that, when you read full papers, do your citations at the same time. At the top of the page or however you keep notes, write out the full citation for that paper so that you have it when you do your bibliography, also keep page numbers for any quotes you find, even if it feels tedious. If you think to yourself "I can always find it later" that is the devil talking, do not listen

Take! Breaks! This applies to every stage of any project but especially theses. You need days where you do something else, you need to read things that aren't for your thesis, you need to give yourself time to decompress. Forgive me but I can't remember your exact topic, mine was personally very heavy (I was reading a lot of hate speech online) so if yours is emotionally exhausting, find a way to come down from all of that, give your brain a break

If you find yourself getting stuck consider you need to switch up your environment. I found that when I got to the last week of edits I literally could not work in my apartment, ended up going to a cafe almost every day. Bad for the wallet good for the thesis. I really should've thanked them in my acknowledgments

I found I was most productive working in blocks of like 3 or 4 hours so I would set aside roughly that amount of time with nothing on either side (so I didn't feel pressure to finish working so I could go to a meeting or hang out with friends). Personally, dedicating a few hours of good quality focus and work has always been more effective for me than trying to spend all day on something. The work will expand to fill the time you allot yourself

If you're doing qualitative research, just a heads up, you will feel like an imposter. I remember telling a grad student I'm friends with, when I was analyzing my data, that I completely believe in the strength and validity of qualitative research but that everyone else was doing it right and I was doing it wrong. That's just not true, I promise. No advice, really, just a warning lol

I remember you saying you don't have to defend but I found it very helpful to kinda just,,,, talk to myself about my work. It helped me fill in gaps and put analyses into words when they were only existing vaguely in my head. You don't have to talk to yourself, either, you can always rope a friend into listening. Pets also work too but they ask terrible questions. Mine just wanted treats which was beyond the scope of my project

Oh also, if any scary smart people (e.g., professors) are asking you questions like "are you doing xyz?" or "did you look at [something you definitely did not look at]" just say it's beyond the scope of your project, another pro tip from my advisor

I know I already said it but remind yourself that you are the expert on this. Do it periodically, even when you aren't doubting yourself

Also remind yourself why you chose your topic, why you enjoy it, why it interests you. I was afraid I would lose sight of this, and sometimes I did, but I always found a reminder that this was the thing for me and it really made a difference

Oh, and if you're doing qualitative research which I think you said you were, bear in mind that it tends to change. This was something my advisor warned me about several times and from very early on but it really is true. Let it change, don't feel bound to something that isn't working or doesn't make sense with what you have data-wise

Find what helps you work. For me, personally, periodic snack breaks, a fun little beverage, filming time lapses of me working when I can't focus, Lizzo's music (not kidding, I know every word to every song now), also lo-fi, getting out of my apartment to work (god bless public libraries 🫡), pomodoros (25-5 and also 45-15)

As your think of things, write them down. Little bits and pieces of analysis can often become useful later on. If inspiration strikes, go ahead and ride it

That said, be ready to part with things you right. You don't have to delete them, copy and paste them into another document but learn to let them go

Ask some friends ahead of time if they'll be able to get their eyes on drafts. I could not have written my thesis if it weren't for my friends who read countless drafts, I literally owe them my degree

When I was coding my data, I had trouble staying focused on what I was looking for. I wrote the key patterns on a sticky note and stuck it to my laptop, it was weirdly useful

Keep your to do lists achievable and specific. Sometimes that looks like "edit analysis section paragraphs 1-7" sometimes it looks like "20 minutes of work on methodology section" but don't let it look like "do some editing" or "finish literature review"

Remind yourself that you can do this (again because eventually it sticks). Remind yourself that you have done things that have scared you before and things that you thought wouldn't work out and they did. Remind yourself that that's how life usually works

Learn to deal with imperfection. If you try to make any one section or paragraph 'right' before you move onto the next you won't get far

You should also prepare to get comfy with people seeing your bad writing. In the past, even when professors asked us for our free writes or rough drafts, I would edit mine to near grammatical perfection before sending them in. This is not possible with a thesis and you have to face that fear (if you somehow do not have this fear, congrats but you scare me). I somehow got very comfortable with my advisor reading some very bad and weird shit, I got to the point where I wasn't even deleting the word little notes I left myself before I sent them off to her and she never minded once

Use your resources!! If you're having trouble starting your research and finding literature, book an appointment with a librarian at your school. You almost definitely have a subject librarian for your area, they can help you navigate research databases and find keywords to use in searches, they are literal gods and are a criminally under utilized resource in research

Everything looks rough in the beginning. There are going to be times where you look at everything you have and the idea of it being one, cohesive paper is literally laughable. I don't think there's any way around this, I think it's just part of trusting the process. Eventually you will have a thesis, it will fall short of your expectations, you will be able to list all the things you wish you did differently or had the time to include. But a good thesis is a done thesis and you will finish

I hope at least some of these help, thesis anon! I am very excited to hear about your thesis journey, please keep me updated. I was literally just wondering how you were doing when you sent this ask in lol

I also look forward to hearing your tips when you finish your thesis because I will be doing another one in the next two years and I'm already nervous

Good luck!!! - Inky

[ceriiddynnhw]

Just Fluff

Of all the modifications that could be made for me, I didn't expect to find the most perfect one at Mornant. 

And Ffion has been gone for three years now, so this is Garan's idea - however that's come about. 

Perhaps I'm being far too egotistical. There's no reason that this should be for me rather than merely useful for me. Garan has been adding layers and odd ends to the decking from Ffion's house to the lake since he was able to, I've even helped him attach some of the rails along the sides, but we haven't been on real speaking terms since his sister left and it's...difficult to be around him sometimes. 

So no, it is probably just the foundation of another of his projects. 

But... 

"You found it then," Garan says from behind my right shoulder. I don't turn to look. If I'm honest, I'm really quite content here and I don't want to have to perform. 

But he enters my vision on my right and...Siz would scream. That glorious pathetic screech that's unnatural coming from a man his size. Siz has only ever bathed alone or in some sort of scheduled time frame which means the amount of aunts and uncles that could lay claim to seeing him careening naked along a beach is kept to the absolute minimum. 

I, however, have grown up splashing around wading pools with my sister and our family. I do have *some* fond memories of being around water. Siz asked me once how I was so comfortable bathing in the same room as him - once he'd managed to make sure a piece of cloth covered any delicate areas. 

"We don't wear much at the Cadear," I'd answered and leaned back. It was childish of me, but it was, and still is, a rare occasion that I'd be the comfortable party in our social meetings. "Me and Kra bathe together. Saves hot water. It's not anything I haven't seen before."

Siz had looked horrified and he'd even tried to cover more of himself underwater - I'm sure he had. "Seriously, Braw? Like, with your sister?" 

I look back on that exchange with no little amount of pride. I've never kept such a straight face before in my life. 

And then it cracked. 

"Siz," I started, halfway to patting his hand in reassurance but thinking the better of it when I thought he might recoil in horror. "I'm enjoying the best joke I'll ever be allowed with you. No, I don't bathe with Kra anymore, you fruit. But I do tend to always have someone hovering whenever I'm near a bath and the amount of times I've woken up naked because my clothes have had to be changed is astonishing. You get used to not caring." 

That isn't true, as such. It's not that I don't care anymore but I've made an uneasy peace with not having much of a choice. 

Which brings me back to the man dipping into the lake beside me. "The little...stall for you," he says, gesturing to the water. The bracelets along his arm jangle together like wind chimes made of small bones. "What do you think?" 

"For me?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at him while tilting my head. "And stall? Like a--"

"Little 'orse box, yeah. Come on. What do you think?"

Well. 

"It's...did you really just put this in for me?" I ask. I can't have heard that right. 

My feet are comfortably braced against a submerged step that allows my legs to extend long but will always keep a bend in the knee. I don't know how he's done it, but he's also managed to raise the ground or set something on the bed to make the water shallower towards my shoulders - if I try to lie down, my head will be on the moss of the bank. The only downside I can see is that this will be prime resting ground for the waterfowl once I've left it for the day, but that's only going to enamour me to the idea of thinking up new ways to cook the damn things. 

Garan pushes a wave of water my way - it buffers against something and just ripples along the surface. So there's even a little breakwater worked into this? 

"If you like it, I did. If you don't, it's for washing. So do you like it? There you are. Binary yes or no. You don't have to use so many words."

"Shut up," I tell him under my breath and try to sink lower. I can. To an extent. This is remarkably...accommodating. If I... seize here, I won't have to worry so much about drowning. I don't actually think it'll be possible to unless I'm spectacularly unlucky and end up on my face. That would be glorious. I'd end up with my ass in the air, dribbling or foaming at the mouth. Mornant deserves better. "Fine, yes," I tell him. "Thank you." 

"Gwir, that sounded painful. You okay?"

I groan. He grins. 

But the truth of it is that it's...kind of him. In the evening sun of the late summer, this part of Mornant catches the light until it hides behind the treeline of the forest. The lake has been in the sunlight all day and it's as warm as a bath now. I've spent many days, late afternoons, and early evenings sat either on the banks or the slowly encroaching wharf, that Garan's also been building, with my feet dangling in the water. Ffion offered to build me a raft once but one look at Kra saw me decline as I ran memories of her bleeding from her mouth and wailing in pain through my mind. 

No, the banks are enough for me. 

So I've thought. 

"Did you really do this for me?" I ask. We're on better terms than last year, Garan and I, but I didn't think we were so close that we'd be making gifts for each other. I'll have to ask Sophie for good sailcloth. 

Shrugging, Garan doesn't seem bothered. "Aye, but it's mostly out of pity. And you smell if you've been on Eluned all day." 

I snort. "She smells. I just...transport it for her." 

"Well now you can be clean." As if to reinforce the point, he rolls a ball of soap around his arms and chest, before offering it over to me. I hadn't actually planned to come here to wash - I'd more or less slipped into the water with the childish hope that no one would notice. I haven't been in a lake in...

As long as I can remember, probably. 

I just saw the opportunity and took it. "Thank you," I tell him again. I don't know if it would be enough if I kept telling him until Yule. Do you know how much this means? You couldn't. I don't think I do. 

I take the ball of soap from him and roll it along an arm. By the time I'm finished at my shoulder, he's already worked his own arms into a lather and is using the suds to wash through his hair. There are a few children at the opposite edge of the lake, splashing and shouting in the shade. A family off to my left side is just finishing their own swimming session - I've seen them there since a handspan ago. 

Further to my left, someone's lit a cooking fire and this evening is going to be a lazy progression to tonight. It's easy enough to tell that from where I'm sitting. I'm looking forward to settling down in the wayhouse a little ways outside the village and I can just about imagine the feel of the new straw in the mattress. I almost don't want to go home tomorrow.

 "It's... Is it too rude to ask why?" I ask. Garan just looks at me with soap sinking down into one eye. I use the silence to carry on. "Not because I don't want you to have done it, but I don't know what's expected after something like this. I don't have my father's tithe yet..."

Waving my words away, Garan shakes his head before dunking it and clearing it of the froth. "No, no, it's not for tithe. I thought you'd appreciate it, that's all. I don' want anythin' for it." 

"You made it--" 

"Aye, and if you didn't use it, I'd find something else that it could do, don' worry. Look, you can be in the lake when your sister comes down. With more clothes on," he says hurriedly, and I find my face is suddenly warm. "You want something else for your hair?" he asks and I'm taken aback. 

Why? It's soap. It's all soap in the end. Why would I want anything different for my hair? "No?" I offer. "Do other elementals use something different for their hair?" I ask. Perhaps that's what it is. Garan has seen far more of my culture's practices than I have. Maybe there's a reason for his question that's perfectly acceptable. Maybe it's me that's the odd one out here. 

Again. 

But he laughs, and I'm not sure how to take that. Is that because I'm asking the wrong question or is it because I'm asking questions at all? Ffion was always much easier to deal with -  much more direct. If I didn't know something with Ffion, she'd tell me or she'd let me know when I asked. This man has always been something...out of reach. He's not unreadable - there are very few people who truly are - but he's...he makes me question everything I think. 

"Even humans use different things..." I hope it's not the look on my face that's caused him to stop there, but the playfulness leaves his features. "You're serious." 

Gwir. Shouldn't I be? Truth, I don't know how this works. I look away. 

"Hey, don't... Jude, don't just shrink away. I thought you were joking, that's all. It's not a big thing." 

The problem is, Garan, that I didn't know it was a thing at all. 

"Look," he continues, "it's just a question. I don' know if you have something else you use. You could. I don't know every elemental that walks the island. Maybe you only like one smell or sommat. Jude..." 

"I wasn't going to wash," I say, rolling the soap back to him over the surface. Gwir, I'm a child. 

But this looked like it was going to be a quiet evening without anyone else on the lake that would interfere. Somewhere I could test my limits patiently and silently. Somewhere I could see what it felt like to dip more than my ankles into the water. And now it's not. Now, it's full of questions over what I know and what I don't know, where I've been sheltered and where I've been able to escape enough to grow. 

Over soap. 

All this over soap. 

"Don't leave," Garan calls as I find the ridges of the side shelves and make to stand. "You were here first. Let me rinse the rest off and I'll go." 

"No--"

Because I don't want that either. I don't want any of this. I don't want you to have to have built this little pool just for me, to make these accommodations for my presence. 

"-- Mornant's your home," I protest. "I'm the one that doesn't belong here." 

When I look up, and it's only the briefest glance that I intend, he looks shocked. And not a coy, Gwir-were-you-really-naked-shocked, but the sort of pale skin, open mouth and wide-eyed shock that stalls me in my movement. 

"You're made of the energy on this island. You... belong wherever you are." 

And now I'm shocked. Because really? I've heard that sentiment from three-year-olds before, but I find it usually tends to drain away by the time those three-year-olds become jaded teenagers and then it's completely scoured from existence in adulthood. Perhaps one or two harkbacks to childhood will remain. I may get a discount on the tithe I need to present in exchange for cheese...

"It's a lovely sentiment," I begin. "But rarely one that survives contact with the real world. Thank you, Garan. It's a kind gesture but I'm not ready--"

"Stay," he says, reaching out. I'm barely aware that I'm half in the water and half out, reaching for my towelling cloths. Again, I'm genuinely unbothered by it, but it is...unorthodox. "I know you're an irritable goat but this is my fault. I didn't mean to intrude, just thought you could use the company. I'll go. Do me a favour and come back to the house after though, yeah?" 

I find myself sinking back under the waterline as he stands. 

It's funny. I thought I did want to be alone out here, but as I hear his steps recede, I'm not so sure anymore. Suddenly, this lake seems rather lonely. 

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK - Chapter four: "Hurt"

Words count: 13,7K

The gif is mine ✨

Warnings: Hardcore Spencer trauma. Mention of drug abuse,  torture, Criminal Minds usual case triggers. Spoilers of Season 2 E14/15 Criminal Minds.

Summary: An unsub abducts Spencer, and reader blames JJ for it.

A/N: Have you ever wished you were there to save Spencer from Tobias Hankel? I know I have. I know reader wants to... I'm dying to know what you'll think of this chapter! Sorry if it's a little too graphic, writing Spencer's POV of this episode was really hard.

Series Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

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(Y/N)'s point of view

I remember the day Emily Prentiss arrived. We had a case in Saint Louis. Two serial killers, 'cos it couldn't just be one asshole making everyone miserable. And on top of all, Hotch was confused and upset 'cos he never signed Emily's transfer to the BAU. It was like someone was trying to force her into the team, and we all thought it was weird.

We left the bullpen off to the case and left Prentiss in the office, not knowing if she actually got the job or not. I know Elle and I weren't incredibly close, but it still felt weird to think someone might join the team and try to replace her. It didn't work that way in that job. It didn't feel right at the moment.

There is something I also distinctly remember about that day: Gideon talked to me. And not only that, but he actually trusted my knowledge. We hadn't been on the best terms for a few months, so that approach meant a lot to me.

We were at the police station. Reid and I had been analyzing the letters one of the killers had sent to a journalist to find something that might help us catch him before there were any more victims. That's when JJ and Jason walked in, and he asked about our progress.

- "He only sent this to an individual, which shows he is not confident enough to initiate contact with the masses."- Spencer explained as he projected an image of the letter on the wall.

- "Emotional indicators are analyzed through slants, and you can see the shooter maintains vertical, narrow letter writing, and both are signs of repression"- I said and pointed at the image on the wall- "And the pressure, if you look closely, it's excessively heavy, which shows that he's uptight and can easily overreact."

Gideon looked at me and nodded. It was my cue to keep on talking. For once in a long time, I was feeling approved by him.

- "You got all that from his handwriting?"- JJ asked me, surprised. Reid looked at me from the other side of the room, and I could feel his smile reflecting how proud he was of me.

- "Graphology is an effective and reliable indicator of personality and behavior."

- "But my writing is always different,"- she added, and I nodded. I was waiting for that comment.

- "Yes, because it represents your emotions at the moment, just like your facial expressions parallel the way you are feeling while you are speaking."

- "What else can we know about our unsub from this?"- Gideon asked me.

- "Well, our killer uses simple statements, all first person, like "I won't be ignored," which means he's obviously tired of feeling this way. He may have a job in solitude or one that he feels strips of his identity. His work might require him to wear a uniform, something that shows absolutely no individuality, or he may be overqualified for his menial job and feels that he doesn't get the respect that he necessarily deserves."

I made a pause and waited for his words. I was giving my best, and I swear I was still hoping I could ever get Jason Gideon's blessing.

- "I think we are ready to give a profile,"- he said and nodded.

And damn, that felt good.

When we were back in Quantico, Hotch had a long and clearly awkward conversation with the section chief, Erin Strauss. She was scary. She was clearly trying to get rid of Hotch, questioning his work daily, decisions, and how he managed the team. Why? I have no idea.

It felt she forced him to accept Prentiss into the team. We were one man down after Elle left. Ok, one awesome woman down, so we definitely needed some help. And Emily was a great addition from day one.

We clicked right away. Prentiss was funny, smart, but most of all, she constantly had to prove she deserved to be there. Just like me. Gideon gave her the cold shoulder from day one, and that I could relate. The only difference was that she won him over in a few days, though. I was still trying to win that battle.

Garcia decided we needed a girl's night, and she hosted the first of many "BAU Girl Power get together." Basically, it was us at Penelope's place drinking and talking.

That first night, we updated Prentiss with everything that had happened with Elle. She wanted to know everything about us, what we did, how long we've been on the team, and how we all got along. It was sweet and fresh. After that year in the BAU, I had already learned to enjoy the sweet things in life. Like getting drunk with my work girlfriends.

- "So, does Hotch ever smile?"- Emily asked, and we all laughed at the very same time. Yes, it was getting late, and we weren't as sober as we should have been.

- "He does! he does!"- JJ assured us- "You should see him with his baby."

- "He is a dad?"- Emily was shocked. I was surprised too when I found out Aaron was married and with a baby. The amount of time he spends at work always made me feel he had zero personal life.

- "And has a beautiful wife"- JJ added- "He is always laughing when he is with her and baby Jack."

- "I guess this job can drain the happiness from your day... "- I thought out loud, but before anyone could say anything about my dark and bitter comment, my cell phone rang.

- "Hey honey bunny, everything ok?"- I stood up and walked to the kitchen. I didn't want to interrupt the girl's conversations.

- "Yes, I just wanted to make sure you were drinking enough water between drinks"- I laughed and shook my head. Only Reid could call to say such a thing. He was the sweetest friend on earth.

- "Yes, I am, don't worry. I'm not going to be hungover or drunk tomorrow. I know you are excited about the new exposition."

- "You are gonna love it!"

- "I am sure I will"- and I wasn't kidding. I loved when he dragged me to the Smithsonian or any museum for some nerdy fun.

- "Have fun with the girls."

- "What are you doing, by the way?"

- "Just reading a little, you left your complete Sherlock Holmes collection here, so I'll be solving mysteries while you get drunk."

- "Don't have too much fun without me"- he chuckled and ended the call. I smiled and walked back to the girls looking at me with a funny grin on their faces.

- "Was that your boyfriend?"- Penelope asked me, and I frowned right away.

- "No, it was Reid. He just wanted to confirm we are going to the museum tomorrow."

- "Wait"- Prentiss narrowed her brows and looked at us confused- "Reid ain't your boyfriend?"

JJ and Garcia's laughter was epical, as well as my frown. They nearly gasped for air while Prentiss and I waited until they calmed down.

- "No"- I finally answered- "Reid is not my boyfriend."

- "He is more than that; he is her work husband,"- Penelope clarified, and I turned to her with my mouth wide open, shocked.

- "What the fuck? Reid ain't my work husband. He is my best friend!!"

- "Yes, and you happen to call your best friend "honey bunny," right?"- JJ questioned, just like she had a few months before when we were alone in our room away on a case.

- "Reid is my best friend, and yes, I call all my close friends by weird pet names. You will get one too if you are lucky."

- "But I thought"- Emily continued- "I mean, he looks at you like you are his sun."

- "No, Prentiss, the only coupe in this team is the one between "chocolate thunder" and "baby girl" right here"- I pointed at Garcia, and she just blushed and covered her face.

- "My love for Derek will burn forever with the intensity of a thousand suns. I mean, have you seen that man? he was made by the gods and sent to earth just to give my existence some sense"- we all laughed at those cheesy words, though Pen was serious about them.

- "But, have you ever...?- JJ looked at her and made a pause. We were all looking at every single facial movement or behavior she might show to read her body language."

- "My relationship with my loverman could never be tainted by something as mundane as sex."

- "Like you wouldn't lick honey from that six-pack and ride that thunder."

The words just left my lips, and I blame the buzz. BAU (Y/N) would have never said that. Drunk (Y/N) would, totally.

The girls laughed until tears fell from their eyes, and I just chuckled, honestly happy to make them laugh. I had been more of the real me than I had ever actually been around them in nearly a year.

- "Hello?"- my phone rang again when I was walking out of the bathroom. And this time, it was Paul.

- "Hey babe, what are you doing?"

- "Hey, I'm..."- I looked at the girls in front of me and sighed- "I'm stuck with paperwork"- and they turned to me immediately. I could read the "What the fuck" on their faces.

- "Well, I'm at Rob's in case you feel like dropping by. We are writing a few songs."

- "I'll text you if I finish with this early, but... have fun."

- "Ok, bye"- I hung up and sighed.

- "And that was..."- Prentiss asked, frowning.

- "My boyfriend,"- I explained and grabbed another beer

- "Sure, I could feel the passion,"- Garcia joked, but I just didn't think it was funny.

I knew my relationship with Paul wasn't alright. Actually, things with Paul weren't. Period. We were done, it was apparent, but still, neither of us had said it. That relationship was just a few phone calls every once in a while, only to make small talks. When we were together, we would just watch a movie, eat something, drink a few beers, and that was it. It had been a long time since we had sex or even made out. I don't know why I didn't end it sooner. I guess I was just afraid to do it.

But I let more months pass before I actually did something.

Spencer's point of view

I'm not proud of what happened that year after Prentiss joined the team. I think that year changed me profoundly, and a part of me never fully recovered afterward.

Maybe it had to be that way, and it was something I had to go through to grow up. I guess I'm still trying to make some sense of all the misery I put my friends through. Mostly (Y/N). She was in hell with me.

A few weeks after New Year, we started working on a case. Someone was killing wealthy people in their own homes. At first, we thought there were two unsubs, 'cos one of them called 911 after killing, and you could hear them struggling and arguing. But no, it was just one.

Tobias Hankel was a delusional serial killer. He had split personalities, not two but actually three. His father, the one who tortured me. The archangel Raphael, who was trying to make God's will, killing people. And himself, who wanted to save me, but instead, he nearly destroyed me.

What do I remember about the day he kidnapped me? I remember I was stupid enough to try to catch an unsub alone, just to prove I could take care of myself on the field. Hotch sent me and JJ to talk to Hankel at his house, 'cos apparently, he might have seen the unsub months earlier. But no, he was the unsub, and neither JJ nor me could stop him.

We hid in a barn, and I was so eager to prove I could catch him; I told JJ we had to split up to cover the place. I was counting on Hotch to get there with the team sooner than they did, and before I realized it, I was in the middle of a cornfield, and Hankel was pointing at me with my own gun.

I was sure I was going to die right there. All of Hankel's personalities were struggling inside of him. I couldn't stop thinking about why I thought I could do it on my own? Why had I been a reckless asshole? Was it because I wanted to prove I was an excellent SAA? Because I wanted to impress JJ? Maybe I tried to convince myself I could do the same job my team did. I knew I wasn't the most physical person, but I had a gun. I had been trained to capture killers.

Yes, I was an asshole that day, and I've regretted everything that happened that night many, many times in the following years.

When I woke up, I was tied to a chair, and the archangel Raphael had taken Hankel's mind completely. The room was dark, and it smelled awful. He was burning fish hearts and livers, 'cos he believed it kept the devil away.

I was confused and lost. My head was spinning, and my heart was about to burst into my chest. I knew I could die any second now. Raphael wasn't the one to show mercy. That's what I had learned from all the videos Hankel had uploaded to the web. He had shared with the world every murder they had committed to show the other sinners what was going to happen to them.

- "They believe you can see inside men's minds"- Raphael looked at me with dark eyes, implying he meant Tobias and his father

- "It's not true. I study human behavior."- my voice was shaking. I knew I had never been more scared in my entire life. He took out a gun and showed me one bullet.

- "Do you know what this is? It's God's will."

Things didn't look good for me. He put it in the cylinder of the revolver and spun it. He was going to let my life to luck.

- "You don't have to do this"- I tried to talk him out of it, though I knew it wasn't going to work.

- "No go, sinners, to your God."

And he pressed the trigger.

What went through my mind the seconds that passed between having the gun pointed to my face and realizing I had lived? My mom. All I could think of was how my mom would react to the news of my death. I could never bear to hurt her like that. I couldn't die. I couldn't leave her alone.

I sighed, relieved, and bit my lips not to cry. Raphael looked at me with a blank expression and walked out of the room. I had survived for now.

I struggled with my handcuff, but it was useless. My head was killing me. I could feel the open wound on my head, still dripping blood on my temple and head. I tried to focus on the pain for a few minutes, just to make sure I was awake. It was a nightmare, and keeping myself sane and conscious under those circumstances was nearly impossible.

How was I going to get out of there alive? Did the team know where I was? I had no idea where I had been taken. I had been unconscious the whole way. It was dark, and I couldn't see much around me. I wasn't afraid of that darkness. I was more fearful of the man that left me alone, 'cos he was armed and mentally unstable. Darkness had nothing on him.

I had to focus on the things that kept me sane. The things that made me want to get out of that room alive.

- "My name is Spencer Walter Reid. I'm twenty-five years old, my mother's name is Diana Reid, I was born in Las Vegas, October 28th, 1981."

I closed my eyes and tried to think of all the things that made me happy.

- "I work at the BAU, my best friend's name is (Y/N), and she sits at the desk in front of me. Derek Morgan is the closest I've got to an older brother."

He was. He still is. You have to be close to dead to start seeing things clearly sometimes. Derek was my brother. He treated me like a kid, but a kid brother. He was always teasing me, trying to teach me how to pick up girls, trying to drag me to the gym with him. Derek was a good friend, we were very different, and I knew if we had been classmates in high school, we would probably never have talked. He was a jock, and I was a nerd. But life had brought us together. And now I couldn't think of a better friend than him.

I tried to focus on my happiest memories. My birthday came to mind. The guys had planned a Halloween-themed birthday party at the conference room of the BAU. Of course, Garcia baked a cake and (Y/N) helped her decorate it. It was incredible, 'cos it was covered with tiny gourds and skulls.

- "Frank and Mikey sent you these,"- she announced after everybody had given me their presents. I wide opened my eyes in shock 'cos I had no idea her friends knew it was my birthday or even cared about it.

- "Why?"- I had to ask.

- "'Cos they think you are amazing. They actually wanted to come over to your house and have a few beers tonight."- I opened my mouth to say something, but Derek interrupted me.

- "Pretty boy is gonna get to work hungover again."

- "Shut up"- (Y/N) and I said at the same time, making everybody chuckle. I opened the present her friends had sent me and laughed right away.

- "Lucky Doc"- I read and took out of the bag a Sports Illustrated issue with Lila Archer on the cover. My cheeks turned red immediately.

- "Frank still hasn't overcome that story. I think he will hate you forever"- (Y/N) laughed (along with the rest of the team) and gave me another present.

- "They also sent you this. They said you were going to like the man in black"- it was a Johnny Cash's vinyl- "Frank picked it. He thinks he is some sort of musical psychic that can read people's taste in music."

- "We should get together and have a few beers one of these days. I need to thank them for these."

Gideon looked at me in silence as soon as I said those words. But I didn't care if he disapproved. I was going to be (Y/N)'s friend, whether he liked it or not.

He is the closest I've had to a dad in the latest years. He cares about me, and he tries to make the best of me that he can. Yes, he can be too apprehensive. I think that's a way to put it. But only because he wants me to be the best profiler I can be.

I never thought I would end up working at the BAU. I never thought I would love the job I do as much as I do. Back when I was in college, I thought I would dedicate my life to finding a cure for schizophrenia, but I ended up hunting serial killers across the country.

And though I was about to die, I didn't regret any of the decisions that led me there.

The morning found me shaking, cold, and scared. I was in a small cabin in the woods. Just like the worst and more cliché horror movie ever made. This was my own horror movie.

- "What are you staring at, boy?"- Tobias opened the front door carrying logs for the fire. His voice had changed yet again, so I knew it wasn't the same person I had talked to the night before.

- "You are not Raphael."- I whispered, looking at every movement he did.

- "Do I look like Raphael?"- had I insulted him? I couldn't tell. He turned to the fire, and I took a deep breath, doing my best to stay calm.

- "Thank you for burning those, for keeping us safe."- I said, looking at the fish hearts and livers he was preparing to put on the fire.

- "Don't try to trick me."

- "I would never try to trick you."

- "You are a liar."

- I'm not a liar."- it was hard to stay calm and not start screaming for help or mercy, but I knew that was going to take me nowhere with him.

- "Lying is a sin."

- "I'm not a liar."- he walked closer to me, and sat right in front of me, held my leg up, and grabbed my foot.

- "This will be over quickly if you just confess your sins."

- "I am not a sinner"- I whispered again. He took off my shoe.

- "We are all sinners."- it didn't look good for me, not at all, and I knew I had to talk to him with his words with his beliefs to save my life.

- "The Lord spake unto Moses saying "Speak unto all the congregation of the children of the lord" and say unto them, ye shall be holy, for I, the Lord your God, am holy."

Hankel, this time in the personality of his father, looked at me surprised. I might have done something right, 'cos he stopped moving, and for a second, I thought it was going to be ok.

- "You know Leviticus."

- "I know every word of the bible. I can recite it for you."- but his eyes turned dark again.

- "The devil knows how to read too."

- "I'm not a devil, I'm not a devil2- I repeated, and couldn't stop shaking, 'cos my life on the hands of a sociopath.

- "I'm a man, my name is Spencer Reid, and I have a mother, and I have a father just like you, and they taught me the bible, let me recite the bible."

My voice cracked at the knowledge of what he was going to do. He stood up, still holding my foot. He was going to torture me, he was going to try to break me, and I had to be strong. I didn't know how I would find the strength, but I had to be strong.

- "Time to confess, Spencer Reid"- and without further notice, he slapped a log against my foot, making me scream in pain. It hurt from the tip of my toes until the back of my skull. I hadn't felt that kind of pain, and it was worse knowing he was just getting started. Tears started falling down my cheeks in no time.

- "Confess!"

- "I don't have anything to confess."- I whimpered and closed my eyes, 'cos I knew he was going to continue his torture. And so he did. The pain was excruciating. I was sure I was going to pass out

I tried to go to a happy place in my head, somewhere when I could hide from all that pain. It was too hard, though. It hurt too much. I kept repeating over and over again I wasn't a sinner, begging Hankel for mercy, as he shouted I had to confess.

I made an effort to think about what he might want me to say. What did he want me to confess? Which sins was he talking about? But nothing came to my mind, nothing but the pain and the fear of dying.

(Y/N)'s point of view

The second we reached Hankel's cabin, I started looking for Spencer. I had a horrible feeling about it. Morgan and I headed it to a barn with Prentiss. There was no sign of anyone. It was dark and quiet. Never a good sign.

- "Shit!"- I whispered, staring at three dead dogs and a bath of blood in front of me. There laid the body of another victim that was missing from Hankel's last attack.

- "FBI!!"- JJ shouted suddenly. She was pointing his gun to us, clearly in shock- "Don't move!!"

- "JJ, it's Morgan, (Y/L/N), and Prentiss! Don't shoot"- Derek tried to calm her down, walking towards her- "Are you hurt?"- she lowered the gun and stared at us. You could read the fear and the trauma in her eyes.

- "Tobias Hankel is the unsub,"- she whispered as Prentiss rubbed her arm sweetly, trying to comfort her.

- "Yeah, we know"- I moved towards her too and put my gun back into the holster.

- "And we thought he was just a witness"- we looked around, and JJ pointed at the dead dogs.

- "JJ, where is Reid?"- Derek asked her, but she just continued talking.

- "They completely tore her apart"

- "JJ, look at me,"- I said and held her arm carefully- "Look at me, where's Reid?"- she was shaking, and her voice was cracking. I knew she was making her best effort to pull herself together.

- "We split up. He said he was going to go in the back."

And there it was. That was the reason why I had a bad feeling all along. Derek looked at me and nodded as we read each other's minds. The two of us turned around and ran outside, leaving JJ with Prentiss, waiting for the medical team and ambulance to check on her wounds.

Gideon and Hotch were inside the cabin, looking for Hankel, but there was no one there. And there was no sign of Reid behind the barn either, in the cornfield, or anywhere in the perimeter. Reid was nowhere to be found, and I started losing it little by little. I tried to repeat myself the words Hotch had said many times during my year in the BAU: "when you are out there with the team; your mind has to be one hundred percent on the case." But the case had never included my best friend missing before.

- "Hey, is there any sign of him yet?- I asked the police chief as I reached the ambulance. He was there talking with JJ, making sure she was ok.

- "We got every one of our units on the road. He won't make it far"- I nodded and watched him walk away. I knew he thought I was talking about Hankel, but I actually meant Reid.

I turned to JJ and moved a little closer to her. Her eyes open wide, staring back at me.

- "You can't find Reid?"- I just shook my head and tried to sound as casual as I could, not to freak her out. She was still in shock. I didn't want to make it worse.

- "Not yet"

- "(Y/N)"- Derek held my arm and forced me to walk away from the ambulance.- "Reid followed him into the cornfield. It looks like somebody got dragged."

My heart stopped. Did the psychopath hurt Spencer? Did he kill him? Did he torture him? Was he hurt? Was he alive? Where was he? Derek looked at me, and I nodded. I bit my lips and took a deep breath. Hotch's words were my mantra now: "your mind has to be one hundred percent on the case."

- "Are you sure?"- we turned to the police's chief, overhearing his conversation- "We are on our way now."

- "What's going on?"

- "The sheriff down two towns over, he just gave directions to a man who fit Hankel's descriptions. It's to a motor lodge in fort bend."

- "Let's get Hotch and Gideon"- Derek held my arm and walked with me to the cabin. We had to find Reid, and we had to do it fast.

That was the worst night of my life. The first worst night of my life, to be sincere. I didn't close an eye. I went through every paper, every note, every detail in that cabin, trying to find a clue that could lead us to where Tobias had taken Reid.

I felt someone had ripped my heart from my chest. I had to think straight, and to do it, I had to keep a cold head. But as the hours passed, it became a more demanding and more challenging task to complete. I knew the whole team was suffering, but that didn't ease my pain. And I knew JJ felt guilty, but that didn't stop me from blaming her in my mind. She left him alone. I would have never left Spencer alone on the field.

- "(Y/N), you should try to get some rest."

Derek whispered as he sat on the floor next to me, where I had been sitting for the last half hour, reading Tobias's old diaries. Nothing but fear of his father, mentions of Dilaudid use, and bible transcriptions.

- "I'm ok,"- I answered and didn't even take my eyes from the pages.

- "(Y/N), I mean it"

- "I'm not going to rest if he is out there in the hands of a psychopath, Derek"- I had to bite my lips and shut the fuck up, 'cos if I said one more word, I knew I was going to burst into tears.

Morgan just wrapped an arm around my shoulders and moved me closer to him. That was the first time I let him hug me, and it felt good to know I wasn't alone in my desperation. I knew he loved Reid like a brother, and neither of us was going to stop until we found him.

- "Welcome to our nightmare"- JJ's voice broke the silence we had been into for the last hour when Hotch walked into the cabin with Penelope.

It was morning already. There were still no signs of Reid. Prentiss, Gideon, JJ, and I had been sitting at the table, reading everything we could.

- "His computer is an extension of his brain. I need you to dissect it,"- Gideon whispered to García. You could feel the concern in his voice. She just nodded in shock and turned to Derek, who held her hand and helped her get set up in the computer room.

- "So, nothing new since I left?"- Hotch asked and looked at us. I just shook my head and continued reading.

- "Well, the good thing is the guy documented practically every second of his life"- Prentiss words took me from the pages I was reading. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. The concept of "good" was poorly used in that phrase.

- "The bad news is, we are still un-piling,"- she added and sighed.

- "From the looks of it, he hasn't left this place in years,"- JJ managed to say. She made her best effort to be useful, but she was in worse shape than everybody else. Yet, that didn't make me feel bad for her. I was mad at her and kept making my best to put it aside, 'cos my head had to be in the case.

- "He knew he could pretend to be looking for a motel and throw us off his trail,"- Emily inferred, but I shook my head as soon as I heard her.

- "No, no, no, it's more than that!"- I shook my head and took a deep breath- "Sheriff's office, 911 calls, every time he engages the police and gets away with it... he reassures himself, God's on his side. Not ours."- I added.

Gideon nodded, and we shared a moment of agreement. He was as worried as I was. I could feel it. I'm not saying the rest of the team wasn't, I'm saying Jason was as fucked up as I was, and I could sense he was having the same trouble I had making sure my head and not my sentiments were into the case.

But if anything happened to Reid, I didn't know what I was capable of doing.

At a certain point, I got sick of reading and not doing anything and decided to look around the house again if we had missed anything. Derek went along. One part of me felt he wanted to stay away from JJ too. Maybe he was as mad as I was about her leaving Reid alone. I know I couldn't blame her, but I did it anyway.

- "Guys!! I think I've got something!"- Derek yelled, and I ran over. He opened a door that led to a basement. I walked right behind him, pointing my gun and my flashlight all over. But there was no sign of Reid.

- "Tobias Hankel!!"- Morgan shouted. Someone was sitting in what looked to be a gigantic freezer- "Tobias!"- but we didn't get any response. I took a step closer and examined carefully.

- "Morgan, I think we just found Hankel's father."

Spencer's point of view

On my second night in that cabin, I met Tobias. The third personality of Hankel walked into the room, carrying what seemed to be a dead deer. He looked as frightened as I was.

- "You need to eat."

- "What's your name?"

- "Tobias."

- "Tobias, who was here before?"

- "Probably my father."

He looked at me up and down, and he immediately understood what he had done to me. It was scary how he could dissociate. Someone with multiple personality disorder is usually unaware of the other personality states and memories when an alter is dominant. In this case, Tobias knew the other personalities but considered them different persons. He didn't think they were all in his head.

- "I'm sorry if he hurt you."

He looked at me like he understood everything I had been going through. Maybe he had been through something similar when his father was alive. Perhaps he had been a victim of Hankel as well, and that's what triggered his psychopathic nature.

He walked over and took out his belt.

- "What are you doing?"- he wrapped it around my arm, and I started begging him to stop.

- "It helps"- he took out of his pocket a needle and a small bottle of what seemed to be some kind of drug.

- "Don't tell my father. He doesn't know they are here."

- "Please, I don't want it, I don't want it, please"- I cried and begged.

- "It helps. I know"- it was the last thing Tobias said before the needle found my vein.

And he was right. It helped. Every single amount of pain I was feeling disappeared. My brain shut down. Somehow, everything was ok. I never had in my entire life felt so good before.

My mind kept flashing memories of when I was a kid. I kept seeing images of the day my father left and how he called my mother crazy.

- "You are weak"- mom spit those words after he refused to take me with him. I know she said it not because she didn't want me with her, but because mom knew she was sick and wanted the best for me. And he refused.

- "I'm not weak."- I whispered as I looked at her smiling back at me.

- "I know, honey."

I don't know how long I was drugged, but when I woke up, Tobias wasn't there with me anymore. It was his father.

And the torture continued.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Gideon was trying to convince me to go out with Prentiss and JJ to see a Narcotics anonymous's contact that might give us more information about Tobias. Emily had found some flyers about it in his room, and it could be the only lead we had to find him and Reid.

- "You need to get out of this house for a while"- he whispered and tapped on my back.

I knew he wasn't the one to be loving or physical with people, less with me. But that moved me. I turned to him and my eyes watered up. I was scared, and I couldn't hide it anymore. The more hours passed, the fewer the chances were to find Spencer safe. Alive.

I felt his arms around me suddenly, holding me tight, trying to keep the pieces of me together. We were alone on the porch, and though I didn't want to fall apart, I couldn't hold it anymore.

Jason didn't say a word. He just hugged me and let me cry for a few minutes. I didn't say anything either. I actually couldn't because I was overwhelmed with everything.

- "Are you ready, (Y/N)?"

Prentiss whispered as she walked over with JJ. I turned my back at them for a second to hide the tears that kept falling down my cheeks. I knew it was a shitty thing to do, 'cos it was obvious I had been sobbing, but they gave me the courtesy of not saying anything.

- "You go, I need (Y/N)'s assistance with some diary entries"- the two of them walked away quietly, and thankfully, didn't argue with Gideon.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and felt his hand on my shoulder one more time.

- "You are doing a fantastic job,"- he said and turned around.

I wish I could tell you that made me feel better, but instead, I just thought I had the duty to bring my friend back home safe.

It had been at least an hour since the girls left. Morgan, Hotch, Gideon, and the police chief were in the living room with me, reading. I sipped my hundredth cup of coffee and re-read the same diary entry for the third time.

- "There's something weird going on here."- I thought out loud and walked towards Gideon

- "You think?"- the police chief turned to me and raised an eyebrow, ironically.

- "No, seriously, check this out. This journal is filled with religious ramblings. He notated hour by hour: "November 15th, 3:17, if ye offer a sacrifice of peace offering unto the Lord, ye shall offer it at your own will", and it goes on and on: 5:04, 7:41, 10:22, 1:42."

I made a short pause and looked at Gideon and Hotch. They didn't get where I was going.

- "But then, it goes blank for days."

- "Maybe he got sick of writing"- I seriously hated that police chief.

- "I think I got it"- Hotch whispered- "Journal entry: "December 6th. Father is sick. He wants me to put him down. I say thou shalt not kill. He said, honor thy father. Must pray for guidance."

- "So he kills his father as an act of mercy?"- Gideon asked, knowing the answer.

- "This is two months ago. Tobias Hankel's father had been dead for four months already."

- "That's exactly it"- I murmured, thinking Tobias Hankel was way more fucked up than we thought.

- "Look at the floor"- Derek pointed at a chair and moved it- "These scuffs marks are fresh. It's like two people were pushing the chairs constantly, trying to fight for control."

- "So?"- I swear to God, that chief was driving me insane.

- "This journal matches Charles Hankel's handwriting, but it was written after he died"- I explained. Still, it felt he wasn't following me.

- "What do you mean?"

- "Upstairs, Tobias' bedroom got junk piled from floor to ceiling, but the other bedroom could pass a military inspection."

- "So, are you telling me one of Tobias' personalities was his father?"

Apparently, I had to draw a picture so the chief would get it. Fortunately, Gideon continued explaining the whole problem before I lost what was left of my patience.

- "Well, Tobias was raised with a strict religious code, black and white, right and wrong. When his father asked Tobias to kill him, something had to give."

- "His brain couldn't handle the moral contradiction, so he split into two personalities to keep his father alive."

Hotch tried to put it most easy and simple words possible.

- "So, who is Raphael?"

- "My guess, he is a mediator between the two"- Gideon nodded at my words and sighed.

- "Angels have no human emotions, live or die. They don't care, as long it's God's will."

- "We need to start profiling Tobias' father. He may be the one who chose where to take Reid."

Finally, I felt we were going somewhere.

When Emily and JJ came back, they gave us the news. Tobias was addicted to Dilaudid, which explained the fracture in his mind, and how he lived with three distinct personalities.

The police chief announced a computer store robbery, giving us some hopes that Tobias would use them to track him down.

- "Guys!! Guys!! get in here!!- I heard Derek shouting and I ran to the computer room. I felt sick in the stomach in less than a second. There he was, Spencer. My Spencer Walter Reid, tied to a chair, bleeding, shoeless. Clearly tortured.

- "He's been beating,"- I whispered, feeling my eyes water up. I would have given anything to be there instead of him.

- "Can you track him?!"- JJ yelled by my side, and I nearly smacked her. That's how sensitive I was feeling.

- "Hankel's only streaming this to his home computer."- Garcia whispered. And my heart dropped with those words.

That wasn't what I was supposed to hear. We were supposed to find him and bring him back safe.

- "This is for us"- Gideon didn't take his eyes from the screen- "He knows we are here."

- "I'm gonna put this guy's head on a stick"- Morgan was so mad I believed him. I wanted to do the same, if worse.

- "I'm gonna kill him myself as soon as we find him,"- I said and felt Aaron's hand on my shoulder as he asked Garcia

- "Why can't you locate him?"

- "He's rerouting to a different IP address every 30 seconds. I can't track him."

It knew it had to be hard if Penelope couldn't find her, but that didn't help. If anything, it made everything worse. I felt powerless. Hankel couldn't be more intelligent than us.

Spencer's point of view

- "Are you ready, boy?"- Hankel pulled my hair and forced me to look at him. I was still as high as fuck, but knew I was about to be tortured again.

- "Ready for what?"

- "My weakling son thinks God gave you to him for a reason"- if the reason was to get me into drugs, then the answer was yes.

Hankel placed a video camera in front of me.

- "Can you really see inside men's minds?"- he asked me and made a pause, pointing to three screens- See these vermin?

It took me a second to realize he was showing me images of real people. He had put cameras in those people's houses. How? When? What kind of sick game did he want me to play with him?

- "Choose one to die. I let you choose one to live."

- "No"- I didn't even think about my answer.

- "I thought you wanted to be some kind of savior."

- "You are a sadist and a psychotic break. You won't stop killing. Your word is not true."

I don't know if it was because of the drugs or because I hadn't eaten or drank any water in too long, but I was somehow resigned and tired of fighting.

- "The other heathens are watching- Hankel announced and pointed at the camera in front of me."

My eyes fixated on the camera right away. My team was watching me. (Y/N) was watching me. I didn't want to make her worry even more. I needed her to know I was ok. I know I wasn't, but I didn't want her to worry about me.

- "Choose a sinner to die, and I'll say the name and address of the person to be saved"- Hankel was sick. It was all a game, and religion was just an excuse to kill.

- "I won't get to choose who gets slaughtered and have you leave their remains behind like a poacher."

Hankel didn't like my answer, 'cos he grabbed me and pulled me up, looking into my eyes, insulted, annoyed, losing his temper.

- "Can you really see into my mind, boy?"

He was honestly scary, and it petrified me to think he could execute me right there, in front of the team, and I could never tell them how much they mean.

- "Can you see I'm not a liar?!"- he insisted. I nearly whimpered but made my best not to break- "Choose one to die and save a life. Otherwise, they are all dead."

He dropped me on the chair and turned around. It was clear he wasn't joking. I took a deep breath and nodded.

- "Alright, I'll choose who lives."

- "They are all the same"

My eyes traveled across all the monitors. It was nearly impossible to pick one person to live, knowing all the other people there would die. Hankel was sick, and I had to set a plan to escape because otherwise, I would end up dead.

- "Far right screen,"- I whispered. He turned around and nodded.

Then, he recited the name and address of the woman on the screen. I prayed for the team to find her before Hankel came after her too.

No. It wasn't Hankel this time.

- "Raphael,"- I whispered, and he nodded. I looked at the screen again. The woman we were watching picked up the phone. She was in her kitchen. He walked around, frowned, and turned to her computer. In a second, she had turned it off. My team had reached her. She was safe, I hoped.

Hankel turned the camera off and looked at me.

- "You've done your part. Now it's my turn."

I knew what that meant. It wasn't good.

He left the cabin, and all I could see were the monitors in front of me. Those people were going to die. They were going to die because I didn't pick them. I killed them. You don't need to pull a trigger to kill someone. I could never forget those words. And this time, they meant more than anytime before. I didn't press a trigger, but I had killed two innocent people. And I actually had to watch them die.

When I saw Rapahel walk into the victims' house, I tried to close my eyes and think of anything else. A part of me kept thinking he wasn't going to kill them. He just wanted to threaten me.

But not. Raphael slaughtered them.

I found myself craving whatever it was that Tobias had given me the night before. The drug in my veins had given me a kind of peace I had never felt. And I never thought I'd have either. The type of peace that can be addictive, 'cos it turns your head off. And God knows, sometimes I needed to turn my head off.

Remembering everything that has ever happened to me, especially all the awful things, wasn't a gift. It was a burden. And whatever it was that Tobias had put in my veins, it had taken that burden from my shoulders, at least for a couple of hours.

Who wouldn't want some more of that peace?

- "Reid!"- Gideon's voice took me from my thoughts. He was sitting right in front of the camera in the victim's house. He was there with Hotch and the police, investigating the crime scene.

- "If you are watching this, you are not responsible for this. You understand me? he is perverting God to justify murder. You are stronger than him. He can not break you."

I know he meant it. But I couldn't believe any of that, not after watching a family get slaughter just because I didn't pick them.

(Y/N)'s point of view

- "I thought you were going to try and get some rest,"- I said as JJ walked to me in silence. I made myself my hundredth cup of coffee, and she just showed up next to me, trying to engage in conversation, I guess.

- "Everybody else is working. I should be too."

- "We can handle it,"- I whispered and refused to look at her. I swear I was trying not to hate her, but it was getting harder and harder with every hour that passed without finding Reid.

- "It's funny, I keep thinking the one thing we need to crack this case is... well... Reid"- she chuckled, nervously and I just looked at her and nodded. I didn't even smile. I didn't move a muscle.

I didn't want to be with her, or anyone, as a matter of fact. And I wasn't going to hide it anymore. So I tried to walk away.

- "You think Reid and I should have stayed together at the barn, don't you?"

I stopped walking and looked at her. You could tell she was having a hard time facing the whole situation, and most of all, you could tell she felt guilty.

That really didn't stop me from being mad at her. I was trying to be the better woman during the investigation, but the uncertainty was getting on my nerves.

- "JJ, go get some rest,"- I tried to answer calmly, but I knew I was looking at her like she was dead to me.

- "I can tell that's what you are thinking, so..."

- "I just wanna get Spencer home safe."

- "But... if I had his back like I was supposed to do, he'd be here now"- and that was enough.

- "JJ, what the fuck do you want from me?"

- "I just...."- she was about to cry, you could tell- "I want someone to tell me the truth."

- "You want the truth? Ok, there you go: I would have never left him alone. None of this would have happened if I had been the one with him out there! 'cos I would never let anyone or anything hurt him!!"

I shouted. All the anger I had been feeling those days was finally getting off my chest. And fuck, it felt good.

- "You fucked it up, JJ, and if something happens to Spencer, I am never going to forgive you, never!"

JJ bit her lips, trying her best not to cry. But I still couldn't feel sorry for her.

- "Is that the truth you were looking for?"

- "(Y/L/N)?"- Hotch stood next to me with the most annoyed look in his eyes.

I knew I was out of line, but this wasn't about work anymore. This was personal. This was Reid we were talking about, and JJ had fucked it up. There was nothing to discuss.

- "What? You sent him with her, now she is here, and he isn't. What else is there to say?"

- "(Y/N)!"- Hotch followed me as I stormed out of the kitchen and out of the cabin- "(Y/N)! stop!"

- "What?!"- and I simply snapped- "Are you gonna suspend me for telling her the truth? Are you going to fire me for losing my shit while working a case!? Fine! I don't care! I don't give a fuck! All I care about right now is that my best friend is missing, and a fucking psychopath has him! That's all I can think of. That's all I've been thinking about for the last two days!"

I was yelling at Hotch. I was yelling at my unit chief. I was fucked. I knew he was going to fire me after that. But I couldn't help it. I was going insane. Tears kept falling from my eyes as I held my cup of coffee tight, holding onto it with my life.

- "(Y/N), we are all worried about Reid."

- "I know you are all worried. I am too, and I'm also afraid and mad and going fucking insane knowing I am standing here not knowing what to do to save him."

- "That doesn't give you the right to treat JJ like this is her fault"- I don't know if he was talking like my unit chief or like a father figure trying to end a fight between two of his kids.

- "Did she stay with Reid?"- I simply replied and looked at Hotch in the eyes- "Did she?"

- "She is not the only one who feels guilty, so do I. And I know I won't forgive myself if anything happens to Reid."

Hotch made a pause and tried to find a way to say what he wanted to say. The door opened, and Gideon walked to us. He knew what was going on, and he didn't say a thing. I was sure he had already heard everything. We weren't actually arguing quietly.

- "We are not getting any closer,"- Aaron finally said.

- "Reid is brilliant. He'll figure out how to survive"- Gideon's words were way more hopeful than my thoughts. In my mind, Reid was too scared to think of a way to escape.

- "You know, I always take advantage of Reid for his brain. But I never actually teach him how to deal with things emotionally."

Hotch whispered, and his words were filled with regret. I was filled with anger and anxiety, and I know the two of them felt the same. But they way better at handling their feelings.

- "Lead by example,"- Jason answered, probably trying to make him feel better.

- "What kind of example is that?"- I simply replied, and both of them stayed in silence.

I don't think my words helped Hotch, but I wasn't trying to do that either. I was just honest. And Hotch's emotional assistance was shit on the field. Even Gideon was better.

- "He'll make it,"- Jason reassured us and nodded- "Now stop arguing and go back to work."

Spencer's point of view

I was glad when Tobias came to me that night with a needle in his hand and put the drug into my vein. I needed some release after watching a family die 'cos I didn't save them.

- "I'm sorry I had to leave"- he excused himself, preparing the drug next to me.

- "You can leave again, and you can take me with you,"- I begged in a soft voice.

- "My father would be angry,"- he replied and didn't even look at me. This time, I didn't even argue when he wrapped the belt around my arm. I was even a little eager he'd do it faster.

- "Not if he can't find us."

- "He always finds me."

- "If you tell me where we are, my friends will come, and they'll save us."

He gave me a look, mixed with horror and resignation. It broke my heart to think for a moment of all the horrors that lead Tobias to be as sick as he was.

- "We can't be saved,"- he simply replied.

- "We can, we can, I promise. If you tell me where we are, I'll save us both."

- "Listen to me. It's not worth fighting."

Somehow, I understood why he said that. I was afraid and shaking but still did my best not to think of all the pain I was in, of the terror that haunted me day and night.

- "Tell me it doesn't make it better- he said and showed me the needle."

I couldn't say no, 'cos he was right. It did. The drugs made his horrible situation bearable. I could understand why someone decided to use something to avoid the pain. I had faced all and each one of the pain and horrors in my life sober. It was time life was a little bit sweeter, in a sick way.

I remembered being twelve. Mom had had one of her episodes the day before, she was in bed, and I woke her up. I walked into her room and opened the curtains. It was already five in the afternoon, and she still refused to get out of bed.

- "The doctor says you need to get out of bed,"- I argued when she repeated she was just resting.

- "I've been reading"

- "He says you need exercise"- she sighed and tried to make a joke.

- "That's because his idea of good literature is Our bodies, ourselves."

- "Well, he is your doctor."

- "He is a neanderthal"- I gave up and started walking out of the room. She just laid in bed and looked at me.

- "Where are you going?"

- "I'm going to see if Jeff wants to play"- Jeff was our next-door neighbor and my only friend growing up.

- "Come here. Let me read to you."

I know Garcia made fun of me when I said my mother used to read me Valentine's sonnets when I was a kid. Most people think I have a weird relationship with mom, but they don't understand what it was like growing up with her. They don't know what it was like for a twelve-year-old boy to finish high school, facing bullies. Handling the pressure of being a kid genius and the fact I had to take care of a schizophrenic mother.

How come I didn't start using drugs earlier?

I remember that afternoon I sat next to my mother, and she made me pick one of the many books she had with her on the bed. I choose Proust. I knew she loved it. I loved it as well.

"For a long time, I used to go to bed early. Sometimes, when I had put out my candle, my eyes would close so quickly that I had not even time to say, "I'm going to sleep."

I can still hear her voice, reading to me. Both of us avoided reality for a while, hiding in the books. I always do it regardless. I hide in the books to forget. I hide in knowledge to avoid acknowledging the real personal issues I have. I hide in my work saving people when no one ever saved me.

I work catching psychopaths when I know I might actually have a mental issue myself. I might end up just like mom, and it frightens me so much; there are many nights I can't even close an eye. If I get sick too, then no one will take care of her. I am the only one in her life. And she is the only one in mine.

She and (Y/N), but there is no way my best friend would ever take care of me if I got sick. Not because she wouldn't want to do it, but because I would never let her. I don't want to be a burden in her life. And she would hate me, I know. And I could never live in a world where (Y/N) hates me. Not then, not now.

(Y/N). She is the best thing that happened to me in the BAU. Yes, I had a family with my team, but she was different. She was my life. She was the reason why I smiled. She was the one person that made me feel I was important to someone. I knew the rest of my friend loved me, but I loved her.

That was it. I loved (Y/N). And I was scared I was never going to see her again.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I was standing next to Penelope. She kept trying to force me to eat. She knew I was living on coffee, but I just couldn't swallow anything. She held my hand as the two of us stared at the screens, hopefully waiting for Hankel to make contact again.

- "Any more signs of Reid?"- JJ walked over to us slowly and looked at me, afraid I might snap on her again. I just shook my head and sighed, doing my best to be nice to her.

- "He just posted the last murder online."

- "It had over 17 thousand hits in the first twenty minutes,"- Penelope added, and her voice was so full of revulsion. It was clear she couldn't handle the horror in the human mind.

- "I want to see it,"- JJ said, and I frowned, confused.

- "No, you don't,"- Garcia answered and looked at me- "Come on, munchkin, just eat one cookie, please."

- "Don't tell me what I want and don't want!"- JJ's tone shocked us both. She was severe and angry. She was rude at Penelope, and for a second, I almost snapped again.

- "If I can't watch this..."- JJ whispered and glued her eyes on the screen- "I have no business being in the field."

She looked at me when she was done talking, and for once during those awful days, I felt some kind of compassion for her. She had to be feeling like shit, no doubt, and no matter how mad I was at her, she was still my friend, and I didn't want her to suffer either.

- "JJ, it's not a competition,"- I tried to say in the softest voice possible.

- "I... I need to see it."

- "If you stop being affected by things, you lose parts of yourself, you know."

It was somehow ironic that I was the one saying those things. Me of all people in that team. Me, the one who was afraid the most of losing herself in work.

- "Show me"- she finally looked at Garcia, ignoring my words, and Penelope pleased her. She pushed play and simply said

- "I won't watch this with you."

García held my hand, walking me out of the room, leaving JJ alone in the room. She sighed and wiped the tears that started falling down her eyes.

- "I don't know how you do it either"- she whispered- "I don't know how you watch those things every day and don't go insane."

- "If it makes you feel better, I don't know how I do either, and it scared me to think my heart might be numbing with each case we solve. With every psychopath we catch."

- "We are gonna find him"- she assured me and held my hands tight- "We are bringing him home safe, I swear."

- "Let's go find Gideon,"- I said, nodding at her words- "He needs to know Tobias posted the last murder."

Jason was mad, beyond furious. He was losing it. Derek and Prentiss kept trying to crack Hankel and discover where he had taken Reid. Meanwhile, Garcia, Gideon, and I made our best to take the video of the murder from the web.

- "I have a list of everyone from the file-sharing chain. I could send out a mass warning that the video is actually a virus,"- Garcia said and started typing as fast as possible. I just stared at the screen, waiting for something, anything to happen.

But I wasn't waiting for what came next.

- "Confess your sins"- Hankel's voice made me jump, and the sight of Reid, still tied to that chair, bleeding, and being tortured, broke my heart again.

- "Confess!!"- that sick psychopath shouted and hit him.

- "I haven't done anything,"- Spencer sobbed, but it was useless. Hankel kept punching him, over and over again, even when my best friend begged for mercy.

I felt Jason hold my hand as I was holding Garcia's. The three of us felt powerless, useless, angry, and scared, all at the same time. I couldn't bear to watch Reid being tortured, but at the same time, I was so glad he was still alive.

That until Hankel beat him so hard, he pushed him back in the chair, and Reid started convulsing.

- "He is killing him,"- Penelope cried, and I closed my eyes, biting my lips. Spencer was choking, and that mother fucker just stood there, watching him die.

- "That's the devil vacating your body"- he spit those words as Reid simply passed out. I didn't know if he was dead. I didn't know if he was going to make it. Shit! I didn't know anything.

I let go of Jason and Penelope and stormed out of the room. I was unprofessional, and I knew it, but I knew I would quit if anything happened to Reid. I wasn't going to stay working at the BAU if Spencer died.

- "Are you ok?"- Derek grabbed my arm. I just broke into tears and held him tight. He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry.

- "He's dying! We can't find him!!"- I sobbed against his chest.

- "(Y/N)! (Y/N)!"- I heard Penelope yelling as we all rushed back to the computer room. Hankel was giving CPR to Reid, trying to bring him back to life.

- "Come on, come on, please,"- I begged as I watched him pushing his chest over and over again until Spencer woke up, gasping for air.

- "Thank God!"- Hotch sighed and rubbed his hands against his face. The whole team let out a breath of relief simultaneously, and I kept watching Reid. His opened eyes gave me hope.

- "Wait,"- Prentiss said suddenly- "When was the video of the last murder posted?"

- "Nine thirty"- Penelope answered

- "And when was the time of death?"

- "The 911 call came in at 9:04, and the murder must have been moments later."- Hotch added and didn't even turn to look at Prentiss. We were all still shocked looking at the screen.

- "That's just a 19 minutes difference,"- I said and turned to García- "How long would it take to post that file?"

- "Two or three minutes."

- "Let's call it two,"- I said, getting excited- "You figure a maximum of 60 miles an hour in a residential area. That means Hankel has to be within a 17-mile radius of the crime scene."

For a second, I felt I was rambling facts just like Reid would. It made me miss him even more.

- "García, can we see it on the map?"- Aaron whispered. He was clearly affected, and it also made me feel selfish, knowing I had made a tantrum with the whole team, forgetting they were suffering as well.

- "Call chief Farraday"- Jason commanded as soon as we saw the map of the area on the screen- "I want that area locked down like it's martial law."

JJ stood up and grabbed her phone but didn't make the call. García warned us something was going on with Reid and all of us stared at the screen in silence.

Spencer was on his back on the floor, still tied to a chair. It was clear he wasn't fully conscious of what was happening.

- "You came back to life,"- mother fucker Hankel said, spitting the words in anger.

- "Raphael,"- Reid whispered, recognizing one of his personalities.

- "There can be only one of two reasons."

- "I was given CPR,"- my friend whispered, but it was clear that wasn't one of the psycho's options.

- "There are no accidents. How many members of our team are watching us right now?"

- "Seven."

- "The seven angels who had the seven trumpets prepared themselves to sound. The first sounding followed hail, and they were thrown to the earth."

- "He thinks it's the revelations"- Hotch explained- "The seven archangels versus the seven angels of death."

I didn't know much about religion, but it didn't take a genius to figure out he didn't believe we were the good guys.

- "Tell me who you serve."

- "I serve you,"- Reid answered right away. His voice was a whisper. He had to be exhausted.

- "Then choose one to die"

- "What?!"

- "Your team members, choose one to die"- I knew what he was going to answer at that, and I didn't want to hear it.

- "Kill me,"- he replied immediately, and I closed my eyes, unable to watch what would happen next.

- "You said you weren't one of them."

- "I lied."

- "Your team has seven other members. Tell me who dies."

- "No"- Penelope gasped, and Prentiss cursed. I opened my eyes and nearly fainted. Hankel had a gun pointed against Reid's forehead.

The silence amongst the team was unbearable. Neither of us knew what to do. We were all panicking, praying, desperate.

- "Choose and prove you'll do God's will."

- "No."

Neither of us moved. Neither of us breathed until Hakel pulled the trigger, and no bullet came out. I nearly sigh, but it wasn't over.

- "Choose"- he repeated

- "I won't do it"- Hankel didn't even wait. He just pulled the trigger, and we all jumped at the same time. He was safe again.

- "Life is a choice."

- "No,"- Reid repeated once again. And Hankel pulled the trigger for the third time.

- "Choose"- and for the first time, Spencer made a pause. Was going to pick one of us to die?

- "I choose"- the whispered- "Aaron Hotchner."

Derek and I looked at him, and his pale face didn't move a muscle.

- "He's the classic narcissist. He thinks he's better than everyone else on the team. Genesis 23:4 "Let him not deceive himself, and trust in emptiness, vanity falseness, and futility, for these shall be his recompense."

Hotch stormed out of the room as Hankel pulled the trigger one more time and shot the wall.

I felt I was going to puke. If Reid hadn't picked one of us, he would be dead.

- "For God's will,"- the mother fuck said, as he put another bullet in the gun after removing the casing.

I couldn't look anymore. I followed Gideon and Derek to find Aaron going through all Tobias's diaries on the table.

- "I'm not a narcissist,"- he said as soon as he saw us.

- "Come on. Look, you can't think anything from that"- Jason tried to calm him down, in case he was somehow affected by what Reid had just said on camera- "He is not in his right mind, Hotch."

- "No, stop, stop. Alright, everybody, right now: what's my worst quality?"

He had to be kidding. We all stared at him, muted, lost in that conversation. What was his point? Neither of us said a word. We just looked at each other, confused and awkward.

- "Ok, I'll start. I have no sense of humor."

- "You are a bully,"- JJ added.

- "You can be a drill sergeant sometimes,"- I said, and he nodded.

- "Right."

- "You don't trust women as much as men"- you could feel it in Prentiss's voice. That one was personal.

- "Ok, good. I'm all these things, but none of you said that I ever put myself above the team because I don't, ever. Reid and I argued about the definition of classic narcissism, and he knew that I would remember that. He also quoted Genesis chapter 23, verse 4. Read it."

Hotch gave me the book. He wasn't even breathing as she spoke. He was in a hurry. We were all.

- "I'm a stranger and a sojourner with you. Give me property, forbear a place among you that I may bury my dead of my sight."

- "He wouldn't get it wrong unless it were on purpose."

- "He is in a cemetery."- I said and looked at him. He nodded, and I swear to God, I saw a slight smile on his lips. That smile was hope. We were getting closer.

Spencer's point of view

I took a sip of water. I hadn't drunk in days, and my throat burned. I was still a little lost, still a little off.

- "Tobias, is that you?"- I saw him nod, sitting next to me. He moved the cup of water closer so that I could drink some more.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and looked at him- You saved my life- he stared down at the ground and finally whispered

- "I'm sorry."

- "Why?"

- "He'll win in the end."

It was sad to see Tobias Hankel's good person locked inside a sick mind that also held a psychopath like his father.

- "Tobias, I need to know something. It's important. Are we in a cemetery?"- and he nodded. I smiled at him and sighed, relieved. Help was coming. My team was coming.

- "I used to come here to get high."

- "I was right."

- "No one bothers you here. I never told anyone about it."

He wrapped his belt around my arm, and I turned to him, still smiling. I didn't know if I were happy I was right or glad I would get high again. Maybe both. Maybe the second 'cos the minute that needle got to my vein, that sweet, sweet release felt like a bath of joy that washed away any pain, regret, or guilt I could have ever felt.

Guilt. I've had my share of that. I remember the day I had my mom admitted to the hospital. She hadn't eaten in days. She wouldn't take care of herself, and they're just so much I could do. I wasn't able to keep her safe from herself, from her mind.

- "What are these men doing here?"- she asked me as I walked with two nurses into the study. She was writing and reading. It was all she did, preparing lectures for classes she didn't have to give, in imaginary campuses.

I stood in front of her and hesitated for a second. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, telling mom I was taking her away from her own house.

- "They are from the hospital. They are here to help,"- I whispered and looked at my mother's confused expression. She was so thin. She looked so sick. I felt so guilty I couldn't do better for her.

- "I don't need help, and you can't be here without permission, tell them, Spencer."

She looked down at her books again and tried to continue writing. I took a deep breath, I knew I would break her heart, but there was nothing else I could do.

- "I called them"- she looked at me in pain. Deep, honest pain. Like I had just shattered her heart. Which I had done.

- "Spencer"- she simply whispered and stared into my eyes, begging for an explanation. I was trying my best not to cry. I had a whole speech prepared. I was going to tell her how much I loved her. I was going to explain to her how good it was for her to be in a place where someone could continuously take care of her. I had facts and statistics, but all I managed to say was:

- "I'm doing this for you."

And I felt like a liar. 'Cos, there was a part of me that was doing it for myself too.

- "This isn't legal"- she shook her head in shock and kept trying to find a good explanation to what was going on.

- "Your son is eighteen, ma'am. He can act in your welfare,"- one of the make nurses explained to her.

- "You need help,"- I said and prayed she could understand. But she just burst into tears and begged.

- "I wanna stay here!"

- "I'm... sorry, mom."

- "Please, these are my things, this is my life..."

Those men took her. They took her from her house and put her in a hospital. No. I put her there. I put my mom in a hospital so I could live my life, 'cos I am selfish and couldn't take care of her anymore.

- "Spencer, please, don't do this to me."

Those were the words that haunted me day and night. And my mother's crying face, begging me not to take her from her own house.

What kind of a son am I? I did that to her. I put her in a mental place 'cos I couldn't deal with her disease anymore. 'Cos I didn't know how to take care of her.

- "What are you sorry for, boy?"- I heard Hankel ask when I woke up. I was muttering, "Sorry" as I came back from my trip.

- "I sent her away."

- "Who."

- "My mom. I couldn't help her."

- "Is that a confession?"- I nodded and looked around, confused. Lost. High- "You know the bible. Exodus 21:17"

- "And he that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death,"- I whispered, scared and full of regret.

I heard him walk towards me. He kneeled and uncuffed me. I didn't know what was happening. Honestly, I was still too high to get what was going on around me.

- "Grab a shovel,"- he commanded and walked outside.

I was too weak to dig fast. I don't know how I was actually moving, but I was digging my own grave. I never thought I would ever end up doing such a thing. It's not something you think about, actually. Not unless you work in the BAU. Here, you start analyzing and considering the way you'll die: 'Cos you could, every day.

- "I ought to bury you alive in there, give you some time to think about what you've done,"- Hankel said and looked at me while I worked, playing with a knife.

- "I know what I've done."

- "Don't talk back to me! Dig!"

I pant and kept moving, very slowly, trying to buy myself some time too. I was sure the team was coming to get me any minute now. I was counting on them, though the more I thought about it, the less worthy of salvation I felt. Maybe I deserved to die after all.

I was almost certain I had seen some lights moving in the back. Flashlights. But it could be my mind playing tricks on me. I was too tired. And still too high, too.

- "Dig faster!"- he commanded me as I moved, losing my breath.

- "I'm not strong enough"- I cried, 'cos I felt like that. Like a failure, a child that aimed to be a grown-up and failed miserably. A bad son. The worst agent. A fake that deserved to die.

- "You are all weak!! Get out of there!"

Hankel took off his coat and left it on the ground. I slowly moved so he could dig for me, but the lights in the back took my attention, and he noticed. As soon as he turned around, I quickly grabbed his coat and reached out for the gun.

- "You've only got one bullet, son,"- he said as he looked at me. And I just pulled the trigger.

I shot him. I killed him. Hankel. Raphael. Tobias. I freed Tobias. Or at least, that is what I wanted to think.

- "Reid!!"- I heard (Y/N) yelling as I crawled to Tobia's body. He was still awake. He was himself.

- "You killed him"- he said, and he was relieved- "Do you think I'll get to see my mom again?"

- "I'm sorry,"- I whispered, and he was gone.

- "Reid!!"

(Y/N) yelled and ran over. She kneeled next to me and held me in her arms. I couldn't move, because for a few seconds, I couldn't believe she was real. She was there.

- "Honey, honey, are you ok? Can you hear me?"- she said, and tears started falling from her eyes- "Honey, it's me."

I just looked at her and hugged her. I hugged her as my life depended on it. There she was, next to me, finally.

- "I thought I was never going to see you again,"- I whispered and sobbed.

The urge to kiss her filled my whole body. I needed to taste her. I needed to show her how much I had needed her those days. But I knew I couldn't.

I didn't want to let her go. I didn't for a few minutes. I just hold onto her for my sanity. She kissed my forehead, cupping my face with both hands.

- "I'm so happy to see you. I'm glad you are ok... let's go to the ambulance, ok?"- I nodded but didn't let her go. I felt I could hold her forever. I wanted to keep her close for as long as I lived.

But the rest of the team gathered around us, and I wanted to thank them too. I needed to thank Hotch. So as soon as I let (Y/N) go, I wrapped my arms around him.

- "You alright?"- he asked me.

- "I knew you'd understand,"- I managed to say with tears falling from my eyes and a knot in my throat.

For a moment, I thought I was never going to see the team again. My family.

JJ held me close and apologized. I knew she felt guilty for leaving me alone, but I was the only one culpable for what had happened. I wanted to prove myself, and all I managed to do was prove I was a fool. A useless SSA.

- "It's alright, it wasn't your fault,"- I said and did my best to smile at her. But I know I failed. Gideon grabbed my arm and nodded.

- "Let's get you out of here."

- "Please,"- I whispered before we started walking- "Can I have a second alone?"- he looked at me and nodded, looking at Tobias' body lying by our side. He walked away, and I kneeled next to my capturer.

But instead of paying my respects, instead of cursing. Instead of anything, I took the Dilaudid bottles from his pocket and put them into mine.

And that's how the real hell started.

--

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @svveet-peas @muffin-cup @shilohpug

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962

–

Do you want to be on the taglist or ramble about this chapter with me? Just send me a message here.

Next update: May 5th, 2021

[jaeminscoffee]

Enough. (m.)

Pairing- Jung Jaehyun x reader

Genre- Smut, Fluff towards the end.

Word count - 3k

Warnings- Harddom!Jaehyun, Sub!reader,Rough sex (are we shocked), manhandling, degradation, choking, overstimulation, strong language, hair pulling, spanking, slight size kink, dirty talking, Jaehyun is pissed.

(just realised this is the longest warning list I've made so like, buckle up, you're up for a really messy long ass ride)

Summary- Jaehyun had had enough of your behavior.

(Minors kindly try not to interact with my blogs!)

Jaehyun's life has been going at a very fast pace with the ongoing promotion of an ordeal according to you. 

Don't take it the wrong way, you were extremely happy that your boyfriend's getting promoted, but he's so caught up with it that you get the minimal attention from his side. Or so you think. 

Jaehyun is an extremely kind lad, but is an extreme disciplinarian. He is also highly patient, which you take a little too much advantage of. 

Take for example this one time the past week, Jaehyun had left early for a really important meeting when you'd decided to spam him with pictures, well not so moral. He wouldn't have minded if it was when he was in his cabin, but thinking it would've been something important seeing how many messages he was getting, he opened your texts, a picture of you in his favourite pair of lingerie took up it's place on his screen, and his fucking colleague got a glimpse of it. 

Strike one. 

Then came this time when he was busy completing a very crucial project, you texted him in bold "I'm in trouble' making Jaehyun's heart jump right up his throat. When he'd called you the very second, all he heard right after you had picked up the call was you whimpering, gasping his name slowly. You were touching yourself without his permission. 

Strike two. 

He could deal with all of that, stuffing the madness deep within him to not give you what you want, wanting to show you that your petty ways of grabbing his attention won't work on him. That just riled you up more. It got you even worked up seeing him walk in and out of the house with nothing but content on his face, no matter what you'd do. Want to scream at him? Well go ahead, Hm, silent treatment? Nah. Nagging should do the work, right? Wrong.

It's when he arrived home, all happy with the news he'd received at work when you decided to act up. 

"I'm home!" Jaehyun screamed from the entrance, loosening his tie, making his way towards where you were, the bedroom. 

"Babe! I've got good news--!" he got cut off, by you slamming yourself right onto him, holding him by the wall beside your bedroom door. 

"Have you been ignoring me?" you ask, voice gruff. Jaehyun's face seemed to contort, pondering when he'd done so. 

"No?" He answered, mostly questioning himself. You huff out, turning towards the side as the neediness from being lonely and untouched for over weeks got the best of you. You look at him, dead in the eyes, "Yes you did. You picked up none of my calls.-" he cut you off with his reasoning "I was in a meeting baby-" you cut him off this time, "And you ignored each one of my texts. You saw them, but didn't bother replying." 

Jaehyun let his eyes roam around your figure, draped in his black shirt, hair left free, face red from anger, chest heaving. He smiled knowingly. 

"I was busy, now would you be an absolute sweetheart and make me something while I go freshen up?" he ended with a hum, bending down to place a peck on your lips. 

"No." you reply, backing away from his body, walking backwards as you grip at the hem of your shirt, "No?" Jaehyun replied, now standing comfortably by the wall you'd shoved him onto with his arms folded over his chest. 

"No." you confirm, "Alright suit yourself." he shrugged, still standing there to see what you've got up your sleeves as you proceed to walk backwards in the direction of your closet. 

"I'm going over to Johnny's. At least he'd pay me more attention." you mumbled the last part, wantedly a little louder for him to hear. 

Jaehyun furrowed his eyebrows, he'd just gotten home. "And why would you do that?" he asked, stepping away from the wall, taking one small step towards you. "Because he knows how to give me attention and when." you reply loud and clear. Jaehyun visibly stiffened. 

You and Johnny had a history, you met Jaehyun through him, in fact. You guys were what your friends called friends with benefits. You'd cut off those ties and resorted to being best friends after getting into a relationship, of course. But Jaehyun always seemed hesitant to let you be alone with Johnny, but still gave you the freedom to do so. 

"What did you just say?" his voice gravelly as he took another step towards you. Jaehyun's sudden shift of demeanor makes you flinch the slightest. "I said, he knows how to give me attention and when, better than you for that matter."

Now that was strike three. 

Jaehyun's eyes darkened, as his built figure took long, fast strides towards you, scaring you a little, knowing you'd crossed the line. He stopped just an inch in front of you making you crane your neck to look at him, him lowering himself to be eye level with you. 

"What are you trying to get on, Y/n." Jaehyun asked, the pent up frustration of over time finally getting to him, gripping your shoulders in a tight hold making you hiss under your breath. 

Clearing your throat, you look down, then back up to his eyes, "Literally nothing. All I said was I'm going out to Johnnys" you stare at him with the same intensity his gaze held. Jaehyun's eyes narrowed, "Give me the exact reason." he asked, voice multiple octaves low. "Exact reason?" he hummed, "Well because my boyfriend won't fucking touch me so i have to seek help from my fuck buddy. There, happy?" 

You blink and next second you feel yourself being thrown down onto the sheets, earning a short gasp from your mouth. "Starting to whore around again, huh?" he spoke through gritted teeth, stripping out of his work suit, his biceps bulging as he removed his tie, his wrist watch, discarding only the watch by the side table, tie still in hand. 

"Well, whores get treated like whores." Jaehyun looked at you the way one would look at their prey. You whimper, his words, his aura, his voice all going straight to your core, sending shocks all throughout your body. "Strip." he ordered, standing tall, tie wrapped around his palm, arms folded over his chest, shifting his weight from one leg to another, body still adorning his white formal shirt and the black office pants, shirt tucked in making him look ethereal. 

You immediately comply, having waited for this all about the week, the only real material to remove being his shirt that had lifted up your thigh from how he'd thrown you onto the bed. 

You sit on your knees waiting for his next command. Jaehyun let out a throaty chuckle at your innocent gaze. He walked over towards the edge of the bed, gesturing with his hands for you to come over. You crawl over to him, sitting on your knees once again. You see him unwrap the tie and hold it in one hand, the other reaching out, "Give me your hands." he said in a throaty voice. You hesitate to do so, not wanting to be snatched of your freedom to touch him. 

You look at him with the most appealing, seductive look you could muster, trying to change his mind, all Jaehyun did was stare at you, boredom visible in his eyes. He waited, raising his eyebrows as you looked down at your hands that were resting on the bare flesh of your thigh. Jaehyun clicked his tongue, clearly annoyed, he took hold of your hands in a tight grip, "I don't like repeating myself, baby" he fumed, placing the silk clothing around your wrist, wrapping it multiple time before tying a knot tight enough to leave a bruise, making you wince, "And you know that." with one last tug at the knot, he backed away. 

Jaehyun removed his shirt, ripping it basically and all you could do was stare at him with lust oozing out of your eyes. At the sight of your boyfriends toned torso, you let out a silent moan, reaching your hands down between your thighs with your now tied up wrist, trying to soothe the aching. "Touch yourself and you won't even be allowed to fucking come." He growled, discarding the belt and his shirt, the only clothing on his body being his pants. You flinch at the tone of his voice, subtly brushing the tip of your finger on your clit, removing it immediately at his words. 

"Good. At least you know who does what here." Jaehyun exclaimed with voice dripping dominance, walking towards the bed once again and onto the bed, sitting the same way as you, still being taller. He trailed his hands up from your stomach, through the valley of your chest, and towards your neck, wrapping the elegant digits around the muscle, applying pressure, pushing you down onto the mattress. 

You look at him eyes wide, as the pressure increases, "Tell me, princess. Why have you been acting up lately?" Jaehyun inquired, hovering over your body, his broad shoulders covering you almost fully, the feeling of being powerless making your essence drip down onto the sheets 

"Answer me, bitch." he raised his voice, grip tightening around your neck, "J-jae-" you tap his hands, trying to let him know the pressure was too much. He didn't seem bothered though, until you frantically tried your hardest to gather as much oxygen as you could, he loosened just the slightest. 

"I-i'm sorry.. " was all you could get out, his eyes roaming all over your face before leaning down and capturing your lips in a rough kiss. Finally having some sort of your skinship with your boyfriend making you feel ecstatic as you allow yourself to slip into your subspace. Jaehyun swiped his tongue across your bottom lip, then biting it hard enough to draw a small amount of blood, making you gasp out loud, him taking advantage of your open mouth, slipping his tongue in. 

The exact moment, without you noticing, his hands had trailed down your body, towards your throbbing core, cupping the heat before shoving two digits straight into your wetness. 

You scream into the kiss, Jaehyun gulping down the sound, pulling away to hear your moans that were so addicting to his ears, the only thing keeping you attached being a string of saliva. 

Jaehyun didn't like it slow, his pace inhumanly fast in thrusting in and out of you, drawing moans after moans from you. 

"Look at you squirming already, tsk." He laughed, looking down at where his fingers disappeared in you, essence splattering each time he pulsed in. 

"J-Jae!" you tug at your wrist, wanting something to hold onto as he kept going, fingers curling in you making you jerk as you feel the tip of his fingers brush against your soft spot. 

With the actions of his skilled fingers, his gaze and the constant taunts, you felt yourself being dragged towards your high, expecting Jaehyun to slow down at the feeling of your wall clenching around his fingers, but all he did was smirk at you, moving downwards and increased the speed of his arms, the other wrapping around your middle to keep you in place as you thrash around, feeling your orgasm rip out of you. 

Jaehyun gave you one last smug look, before lowering himself, capturing your bundle of nerves in his mouth, fingers still going on about wanting to force another orgasm out of you.

You try closing your legs, the action making Jaehyun graze his teeth on your clit, removing his mouth from it right after, only to give your core a slightly rough smack, "Keep it open, baby. You wanted this." he mumbled against your core, vibrations of his voice travelling up your stomach, making your nipples painfully perk up, then resumed sucking and tugging on the sensitive bud. 

"jesus, fuck!" you cry out, not being given the chance to come down from your high, making you shut your eyes tight. 

Jaehyun dragged his fingers out slow, shoving it in with full force, watching you lift your back off the sheets, making the boy chuckle. His fingers fastened, if that was possible, tongue circling the clit, as you feel yourself near your second orgasm. 

"Ah, you're close again. Good, good." he spoke against your south lip, the feeling drawing you straight towards your high, as you feel a tear slip out of your eyes. 

Jaehyun immediately removed his fingers, lapping up the juices sprawling out of you, watching you twitch from being overstimulated. Eating you up clean, he backed away from your burning body, quickly discarding his pants alongside his boxer, chucking it somewhere behind him as you turned towards your side from the slight pain in your abdomen. 

Jaehyun looked at you, all fucked out, boosting his ego up further, as you desperately tried catching your breath. Futile. 

He let himself crawl back up your body, his hands removing the stray hair falling on your face, brushing his fingers through your tangled hair as you let yourself melt at his soft action. Funny, because the next moment, he gripped your roots, pulling you back onto your back making your breath hitch. "I had you come twice in less than 10 minutes, princess. You think Johnny could've done that?" he grunted, his painfully hardened dick now aligned by your entrance, making you squirm away as much as you could, Jaehyun keeping you in place with his hands tangled in your hair.

"Why the fuck are you silent now? Huh? Finally feeling bad for your sorry ass?" he tugged at the roots once again, making you shut your eyes tight at the pain, wanting freedom to move your hands however you want, being restrained by his necktie around your wrist.

Jaehyun dragged his length over your wetness, lubricating it before shoving it in completely, "Good, b-because i rather prefer you moan than use that annoying voice t-to talk about another guy" he grunted, the wetness and your tight walls feeling pleasurable on his member. 

You let out choked moans, letting Jaehyun ram himself inside you, tears continuously flowing down your cheeks. Jaehyun removed his hand from your hair, placing it beside your head instead to balance himself over you as he set a fast pace in going in and out. 

Jaehyun groaned, letting all his anger out by torturing your core, "Ja-jae slow down, I'm sensi-t-tive" you blurt out, mouth wide open. You hear him growl, pulling out of you, instead of saying anything, he flipped you onto your stomach, lifting your hips up in the air, before shoving his length back in. You let out a loud enough scream, clenching around his member, "That h-hurts.. " you cry out, keeping yourself up the best you could with your tied hands. "It should. With how you've been acting, you fucking deserve it." Jaehyun spoke, moving his hips against yours once again. In all honesty, you didn't want him to slow down, the pain not too unbearable, just perfect enough to be extremely pleasurable. 

Busy trying to focus on the feeling of his member moving in and out of your numb walls and trying to control your breath, you fail to notice one of his hands leave your waist, rubbing the flesh of your ass in a circular motion, lifting it up and bringing it down with full force, making you yelp at the sudden contact, "That's for being a fucking slut the entire week" his hands came down again, smacking the exact same spot, "That's for distracting me during work" you moan out, feeling your climax come closer with each smack, "That's for touching yourself." he groaned. 

He rubbed the reddening skin, bringing it back down with all his power, "That's for thinking about Johnny when I'm your fucking boyfriend" he finished, feeling you clench around his member as you reach your high. 

"And now she's coming again, fucking pathetic." he swore, your wetness producing squelching noises each time he pushed in, your overly dripping cunt now simply aching, unable to feel pleasure anymore. 

"J-jae i can't.." you say out in a strained voice, arms giving out as you lean your upper body down onto the mattress completely. "You can take a little more, and you will." he replied, going faster as he felt himself nearing the edge. Thrusts sloppier, Jaehyun reached out forward, gripping your hair once again, making you arch your back in a painful angle, as he held you there. His other hand reached out around your body, rubbing your clit in fast, circular motion, wanting you to come along with him. 

You tug at your wrist again, feeling the material pierce through your skin, making you cry out loud with pain both in your core and your wrist. 

You bite down your lips, feeling Jaehyun halt his hips, seeds coating your wall, the feeling having you experience an intense orgasm. 

He pulled out after emptying himself in you, your cries getting muffled, you feel both your juices drip down your thighs as Jaehyun gently lay you down. 

He took a hold of your hands, removing the tie, wincing at the red bruises, placing soft pecks all over the bruised area, he mumbled out a sorry, to which you just nodded your head. 

Jaehyun moved his body to sleep beside you, placing a kiss on your forehead as he ran his hands up and down your back in a comforting manner, making you calm down, "You okay?" he asked softly, you murmur out a faint yes, snuggling up his chest. 

After minutes of silence, the pain finally reducing the slightest, you ask Jaehyun, "you said something about having a good news..?" you whisper out loud enough for him to hear, eyelids growing heavier. He laughed out at your question, looking down at you, placing his chin on top of your head.

"Oh yeah, i got promoted."

[heavensmortuary]

the resident evil ship?

Ooo ok! I dont ship often but RE is one of the few fandoms I have ships for. I'll go with Jill and Carlos, Claire and Leon, and Ethan and Mia

·When I started shipping them: After I played RE3R! I thought their dynamic was cool, especially Carlos doing his absolute best to protect Jill in the hospital (that part of the game was the most stressful sjdjf). For Claire and Leon; at the end of RE2R. That scene where theyre basically recovering from the fight and taking Sherry by the hands and leading her someplace safe was so heartwarming and I love them all very much. For Ethan and Mia, when I finished RE7

·My thoughts: I know RE doesn't really have the best writing when it comes to relationships, but I like how like, what a great team Jill and Carlos when working together! For Claire and Leon; yknow that one meme thats like "best friends secretly think of each other as sidekick", thats them. Leon and Claire should have been able to adopt Sherry. For Ethan and Mia, I know Mia is a bit. Odd. But Ethan loves her SO much. Like, hes absolutely willing to go through hell and back TWICE for her, even to the point where hes literally falling apart. I don't like Mia a ton because shes kind of a flat character, but Ethan is like. Husband of the year

·What makes me happy about them: For all of them, I'm not sure how I'd narrow it down except that I like it when characters are so devoted to each others safety, even though thats a trope used all the time. Like. I'm not even sure HONESTLY how id go through something so scary and hellish as like, the Bakers house in RE7, and all for someone I love. Same with the others; they encourage me to go the distance no matter how scary for the ones I love, and thats pretty cool imo.

· What makes me sad about them: oh boy oh boy alright. 1. Carlos was in RE3 (a game that came ouT IN THE 90s) and never used ever again. Jill haven't been in a game since Revelations 1 I think 2. Claire and Leon didnt get together and adopt Sherry and Sherry grew up raised by the Government pretty much. Infinite Darkness really belittled Claire's character next to Leon sjsjdkf 3. Uh. *Spoilers for RE8* WHOOP Ethan kicked the bucket without even saying goodbye to the wife he loved so much

·Things done in fanfic that annoy me: I can just think of one, and its people writing Ethan like. Getting together with one of the Lord's when uh. They all pretty much dismembered his kid. Pretty awkward. Also there seems to be a disturbing amount if hate towards Mia like. To the point where people love to kill her off in fanfic

·Things I look for in fanfic: I don't read fanfic much but when I do, I usually like reading about them all going on adventures or missions together

·Who Id be comfortable with them ending up with, if not with each other: Can't think of any really. I personally headcanon Claire as ace but that might be me self projecting lmao

·My happily ever after for them: Good question. For Carlos and Jill; I can't imagine them wanting to settle down that much. I would LOVE to see another game where they work together behind the scenes. Please RE9. Please. For Leon and Claire; honestly I cant think of much. They both need therapy and a vacation. For Ethan and Mia; they should have been able to live somewhere quiet and away from all the horrible things theyve seen and raised Rose. Simple, but thats what they deserve

[yetanotherreader]

One Day

Fic Type: Stand-alone/One-Shot

Genre: Drama (Heavy Angst)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Y/N Y/L/N

Characters: Dean Winchester, Y/N Y/L/N, Sam Winchester, Joseph Hughes (OC)

Word Count: 3,032.

Warnings: Angst, Depression, Anxiety, Marital Abuse, Mentions of marital rape, abusive marriage, physical violence.

PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS AND DO NOT READ IF ANY OF THIS IS TRIGGERING FOR YOU.

Mobile app doesn't support the cut, so pardon for the no read more thingy.

A/N: Hey guys. I know I went on this little(big) break and I haven't updated useful in a while. I'm going through a writer's block again, trying to write and stopping after a while. and I have so many college projects to do during quarantine. I hope y'all are keeping safe. I wrote this one shot in hopes of getting back at writing. Woke up all night writing this, so I really hope you all will like it. But again, since I woke up the night writing this, it may or may not be up to your expectations. Please heed the warning above, girls. I really do not want any of you going through more stress during these stressful times.

Also, I used the same tag list as Useful in this one too. I don't know if everyone of you will like to be added to any of my other works so let me know if you want your name removed or added. :)

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His eyes were locked on the big gates of the hall, both waiting for and dreading the moment that particular person entered who he'd been missing for months. He gave a once over to the venue. This place was gorgeous, a palace in fact. A big chandelier graced the double ceiling and there was a colorful fountain in the garden outside. The lights were the right amount of bright and the drinks tasted just about perfect. Even the waiters wore their uniforms more expensive than his suit. It was something Dean had always seen in those Disney movies which, don't tell anyone, were his guilty pleasure.

He and Sam had come here for a case—the only reason that gave them the privilege to get into a place like this one. People have reported weird occurrences happening around here, followed by the abduction of everyone who saw it. Turned out, it was a serial killer and the police had taken care of it even before they reached.

Something about that place, though, made him want to stay. For some reason, he didn't make a U-turn and go back. Maybe it was the fact that it was the annual ball of the city where only the rich and reputed were invited, that he wanted to feel reputed for once, or that here he would see someone he hadn't seen in a while, someone he missed everyday he lived. He knew it would shatter his heart when he saw her, but he was willing to take a heartbreak if it meant seeing her once. Sam didn't say a word against it, but Dean knew better than to think he was okay with him going through all that torture.

Just when his eyes reached back to the doors, he saw, once again, the most beautiful woman he had ever laid his eyes on. The woman who made his heart flutter and break at the same time, the woman he loved the most. She was dressed in rose gold, the drape hugging her curves as perfectly as he remembered. Her hair was up in a messy bun, which only she could pull off that good, with few softly curled strands coming out to shape her face. Her lips were colored wine red, as tempting as ever, and her face was covered in a darker make up than he ever remembered her wear. In a better shape than when he last saw her, her posture screamed royalty. She looked breathtakingly gorgeous. The only thing was, she wasn't herself. Or at least, her old self. Does time change people that much? It took him all his power to remove his gaze from her, her arm entangled with the other man's, helped. 

She wasn't his to call anymore, she never was. Maybe the only woman who he liked but never kissed, the only woman who made him go all hot and bothered but he never dared touch her the way he desired. The only woman he loved enough to not make a move. He knew his feelings were mutual, he saw it in her eyes when they sat on the hood of the impala, chatting through the sleepless nights. He saw it every time she laughed at his piss poor jokes or narrowed her eyes at the women who flirted with him. He saw it when she cried for the first time in front of him and yelled at him because she thought he got himself killed. He saw it when he felt her heart accelerate everytime they hugged, like his own, and when she refused to leave him in the worst. He saw it when he saw her build walls to hide her broken heart after he asked her to leave. He saw it in her indifferent expression and a lone tear escaping her eyes when he told her he'd be better off without her.

And boy did he regret every word he said. He called her as soon as he realized what he did. That in order to save her, he might have just given her the biggest of the insecurities. It was a month later that it happened. He apologized to her, told her he never meant whatever he said, tried to explain why he did what he did. And she forgave. He couldn't believe his ears when he heard her say those words, he wanted her to yell at him, hate him, punish him for what he did but she said nothing more than a 'It's okay, I understand.'. And maybe that one sentence hurt him as much as he hurt her. She didn't even think of him good enough to be mad at. She shouldn't have understood, she should have argued. He might have lost the best thing that ever happened to him like that. And his fear proved right when he saw her photo in the newspaper, two months later, with a man. Joseph Hughes, a big name, apparently. The man he ran into, not so long ago, in missouri.

"Mr. Winchester." He heard the deep, masculine voice as it approached him, "Didn't know we'll meet again so soon."

If running into that man earlier made his heart heavy, meeting him with his arm around Y/N's waist made it fall down with a thud, "Mr and...Mrs Hughes. Fancy seeing you here, too."  He shook his hand with a firm shake, forwarding it toward the man's wife to do a similar action. Instead, she folded her hand in a namastey greeting, as she looked at him shocked, and scared. Maybe she didn't want her husband to know about him.

"I would ask how did you know she was my wife, but I guess you read newspapers." The man said in his smooth accent with a laugh, which Dean returned halfheartedly.

"Got that one right," he smiled at Hughes, his eyes lingering a little longer on Y/N, "Your wife is beautiful."

At the comment he saw her husband's hold tighten around her in sudden possessiveness, his fingers almost digging into her flesh as she flinched a little. He tore his gaze away from her, reminding himself she was someone else's wife and he had no right to be staring at her. But something about this whole situation felt wrong, that touch felt wrong.

She didn't look at him once after that. The tension in the air suffocated them both, and he was sure the shorter man in front of him felt it too, "Let's get you meet some of my friends, darlin'. If you could excuse us?"

Dean gave them the way, as he contemplated whether his decision of staying was even right. It crushed his heart seeing the woman he loved in someone else's arms. He felt like throwing up. Seven months ago, he couldn't have thought there'd be a day like this. He hated himself for that.

"Dean, do you want to go?" Sam's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"N-no," He cleared his throat when his voice came out rough and hoarse, "No, I guess I'll just go to the washroom. Go find some hot chick for me " he winked at Sam, who clearly saw right through it but didn't say anything. He stayed in the bathroom for a while, to calm his aching heart. People knew Dean as a man, as strong as an alpha, but here he was, falling weak. 

After splashing water on his face a few times, he got out of the bathroom just to see people frozen in their spots. His eyes went to his brother, immediately worried about his safety only to find him silently, but furiously glaring something, his hands were fisted like a beast about to attack its prey. When he followed his line of sight, he felt something similar inside of him. There stood Joseph Hughes towering his wife, glaring her down and his nails digging into her, now pale, arms, "I said, Tell. Me. The. Truth."

"I told you. He w-was a f-friend." Dean heard her voice for the first time in a long while, and his chest hurt at how small and scared it was. Y/N wasn't a hunter but she was fearless and brave. She had put her life on her palms so many times to save him and Sam without hesitating. That was one of the reasons he pushed her away, but here seeing her so helpless and terrified, he didn't know how to react.

"A friend, huh? A friend shouldn't look at you like that." His voice came out in a growl, audible in the pin drop silence, that sent visible shivers running down her spine, "That's why I don't leave you around men, you pathetic whore. I'm done being okay with you slutting around-"

Dean charged forward, enraged at the man's audacity to even let those words out of his mouth, but before he even took two steps, Y/N pushed that douche with enough force to make him stumble, pausing Dean mid-walk.

"You're done being oka-I AM DONE BEING OKAY!" Y/N raised her voice, violently shaking out of fear and rage. Joseph looked shocked, as if he never expected her to speak like that, as if she never spoke to him like that. The thought alone made Dean's eyes tear up, what had that monster done to her, "I am done being okay with the things I'm not okay with! I am done being okay with you touching me without my consent and I'm done being okay with getting slapped everytime I say no! I am done being okay with you locking me in and I am done being okay with you hitting me with whatever you find! I AM DONE WITH YOU!" She broke down into tears as she was done with her little speech.

"You are saying this here on purpose. You want me to lose my reputation." He said low, his eyes trying to scare her down.

"Y-yes, I'm saying this here on purpose because if I said it at home, you'd beat me to a pulp." She said, trying to sound low, but the eerie silence in the room making her damn well audible to his ears. Dean saw nothing but hot, white rage. Seeing Y/N so scared, so broken, Dean wanted nothing more than to break the bastard's bones, every single one of them. And when Hughes charged at Y/N, he lost whatever little control he had on himself jumping at the said man. Sam, immediately, went to Y/N's side as she hid in his chest, shaking like a dry leaf. Sam had never seen her so scared and so vulnerable. He felt a sharp pain in his heart seeing the sight of his best friend so broken, as he tightened his hold on her. Dean kept on hitting the man, like an animal that got out of its cage. His knuckles were bloodied, with which he didn't know was his blood or the other one's but he wasn't stopping. After what felt like forever, Dean was stopped by two strong arms around his own, from behind.

"Dean, stop. You'll kill him." Sam's calming voice fell into his ears, "stop"

It took Dean a while to register, as he tried to release his hands from his brother's still kicking the battered man that lied in front of him, "I don't care."

"Y/N wouldn't want you to kill him, Dean." And at that, he stopped. Y/N. Where was she? He stood up and searched for her, seeing her frozen at the same spot as earlier, zoned out and shaking violently. His heart hurt so bad seeing her like that, he couldn't stop tears from welling in his eyes.

"Y/N," he whispered as he took a few long strides to reach her and pull her into a careful hug.

She went stiff under his touch, as he loosened his hold on her, scared he might scare her before he heard her, barely, speak out, "Dean.." as she clinged to him for dear life. Hearing her say his name again wasn't as pleasant as he'd imagined a million times before, rather it was gut-wrenching. It was painful, because this was the last thing he had imagined that made her say his name. He wrapped his arms around her fully and spoke comforting words to soothe her.

"Let's go home, Y/N."

It had been a week she returned to the bunker, moving into her old room. Hughes was arrested, and divorce agreements were signed. He got to know that the thing between Y/N and Joseph was more of a business arrangement than a marriage proposed by her father, who had no idea about his son-in-law's abusive habits. Sam and Dean kept a positive atmosphere around the bunker, not going out for any cases, but there was no change in Y/N. She, mostly, kept herself locked up in her room, not talking to anyone. They thought it was necessary to give her her space but that was just deteriorating her health more. She ate too little for survival.

Dean stepped into her room with the plate of her favourite food. She loved it when he cooked for her, he just hoped to God, she still would. His eyes fell on her form, lying down on the floor, her back resting by the bed. She looked into a distance, zeroing her vision. As he went and sat beside her, keeping the plate on the floor, she spoke up, "He'll come back for me, Dean. He'll take me and he-"

"He won't," Dean cupped her cheeks and made her look at him as he met with the broken sight. Her eyes had sunken in, dark circles forming around them, face paler and her natural blush around her cheeks gone, "I promise I will not let anything happen to you."

She looked at him like she wanted to believe, but a sudden wave of anxiety stopped her, "No..no no no no, Dean! You don't understand! He..he will come back and he won't leave me. He'll beat me and...and those chains. He'll tie me up again and he'll...he'll-

She stopped mid-sentence, a horror coating her features. This new piece of information startled Dean, breaking his heart into two..enraging him, too. He didn't know how to react to it, so he did what his impulse told him to, he hugged her tight, hiding his face in her hair. More than comforting her, it was for himself. He wanted her close and safe, "He used knives, Dean. He said he loved seeing me bleed..it was so painful" Dean shut his eyes tight, trying to push away the horrifying images from his head, as he let the tears flow free. What all she had endured because of his one mistake. She sniffled as she continued in a small voice, "you won't be able to do anything, Dean. He's very powerful. You can save me from monsters, you can kill them..but him-"

"I'll kill him if he laid his finger on you ever again." Dean spoke with determination.

"N-no...No, Dean. You won't kill him. Don't kill him please, don't be like him." She shook her head violently in his chest, "not like him..no, no, no.."

"Hey, hey," he soothed her rubbing a hand on her back, "I won't. I won't be like him, okay? Shh.." It took Y/N a few minutes to calm down, while he rocked her in his lap, "You hungry?"

She shook her head, mumbling into his chest "I never feel hungry."

He sighed, "Okay. Eat a little, with me? Please? Because I'm starving."

Her eyes sparkled a little when she saw the food, "You made it?" He smiled and nodded, proudly, "Can I..can I eat the whole thing?"

He chuckled, heartily, "madam, all yours." She smiled up at him, hesitantly. As if trying to remember how to smile, at which his eyes softened, "when did you eat this last?"

She dug into the food, liking the taste of it. The taste of home, "with you. He didn't let me eat this, wanted me to look good like his wife should." 

Dean clenched his jaw at this, wanting to practically undo that man's existence. The things he did to her, he was sure if he saw him someday, that'd be his last.

Y/N looked at him, a little scared and a little more sheepishly, "Can I get some more?" Dean smiled at her and got her some more. He looked at her eating, his eyes filled with unshed tears. She was so, so pure, only if he could take away all her pain, make her forget those dark months. Only if he could give her all the happiness in the world, because there was no one he knew who deserved it more than her.

Later that night, Dean asked Y/N if he could stay with her because his nightmares scared him. He knew she understood what he meant, and the fact that she didn't deny made his heart flutter. Y/N hadn't slept in days. Either she would wake up from a nightmare, yelling, or not sleep at all. He just wished she'd have a goodnight sleep in his arms, and she did. But he didn't miss what she said just before she fell into the slumber, something the Y/N he knew would never say. Something that hurt his heart and made him make a silent promise to her, and himself. 

"Dean, don't send me away ever again. Please."

Never. He would never let her out of his sight again. He'd save her from every monster, supernatural or not. He didn't know long will it take her to fall for him again, or if she'd ever fall for him again. All he knew was, he'd shower her with so much love, she would forget every pain that son of a bitch caused her. He'd love her so much that she'd start loving herself one day. He would hold her so dear, that her scars would stop scaring her.

One day. One day, he'll make everything okay.

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I can't tag some of you. Please make sure your tags are open. :)

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Taglist:

@bi-danvers0 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @itsjaybro16 @mml232 @blablatiti @stilltoomuchafangirl @bat-shark-repellant @bluebell-24 @shortwinchester @always-money-in-the-banana-stand @soullessbabee @ima-be-a-mongoose @infinityspacesuniverse @vicmc624 @roonyxx @fandoms-fiend @slythermyg @perpetualabsurdity @whydontwejustgohunting @supraveng @coffeebooksandfandom @justafuckeduphuman @busy-bee-angel-misska @ria123love @woodworthti666 @ria12341-blog @supernatural-fan-123 @katiekitty261 @yxseminx

[shewhowillnotbenamed1]

Synergy - Part 2

Part 1

This is Part 2 of the first DamiRae I ever wrote... And it is long overdue. @ravenfan1242​ Happy belated birthday!!!

Prompt List

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Figures.

A dark brow flew up as Damian motioned for Raven to board the plane ahead of him. Therein lay another poorly packaged excuse to check out her ass or legs. She had already caught him tonight.

Twice.

Ignoring a prickle of panic, the heels teetered her up the stairs. But moments later, the blinds drew up around a pale face at the window. Narrowed blue-violets scanned the tarmac, observing the animated conversation in Arabic. After he finished up with the attendants, long legs lifted him onto the jet with an irritating amount of ease.

Instead of taking a seat, Damian excused himself to prattle on some more. This time with the pilot.

A slew of impatient texts rapidly fired off to Beatrice. As more time was allotted to Damian, Raven increasingly relied upon her assistant. Since the initial meeting, they'd had over a handful of dinners. Accounting for flights and travel time, she'd probably been with him in the last month more than she had anyone.

As she typed, she glanced down at her blue-black nails with concern. Another side effect of breaking out of usual patterns - a lot of time between nail appointments. Although her veneer was overall impeccable, there was but the slightest crack breaking through to the surface.

An alabaster neck craned subtly in the direction he had disappeared to. She wasn't eager for his return or anything trite like all that.

But really, where was he?

He was certainly taking a while.

Did he think his time was more valuable than her own? They had barely discussed work when they were together. So what was to be accomplished between them, really? What was Damian trying to do - actually get close to her?

Suddenly, the familiar shuffle of Brioni loafers left her to ponder these deceitful thoughts no longer.

Finally.

Raven gave his olive-green sweater and black trousers a once-over. The hue managed to contrast with his dark skin in a distracting way, while simultaneously bringing out the color of his eyes, an arresting vert.

It was undeniable and utterly unfair for someone so aggravating to look like that.

Stupid, sexy Damian...

"Wayne. Thanks for dinner. You do have great taste." Raven noted. "I was skeptical about the use of your plane to take me to a ranch in Montana, but it was the best burger I've ever had..."

A hardened jaw slackened at her assessment. "Glad it was up to your standards, Roth."

"So far." Raven backtracked. "The best burger I've had so far." She couldn't concede completely.

"Tch..." He clicked his tongue in the way he did. "Next time, we'll swing by the coast and maybe get some ceviche..." Damian began, telling her what her future plans would be with an air that stunned and excited her. And he sat beside her, all the while moving closer to her, her hand laying on her cheek. "Or we'll do a weekend trip. Get some poke at this little stand on the side of the road in Hawaii -"

"Wait..." Raven held up a hand, recoiling slightly. Her indigo eyes flashed. "Damian?"

Damian let out a humorless laugh. "Is something wrong? Is it the fish? We have had sushi twice."

"No, not wrong...exactly." The pale girl worried the rose-colored skin of her lip.

"Alright, then." With that, Damian leaned back in his seat.

"What are you doing?" The man turned to her as if she was crazy.

"I thought I was having a good evening." His jaw was no longer loose, it tensed. Twitched. "What is it now, Roth? Do you have a problem? Or an itch?"

That patronizing attitude only confirmed her need to keep their distance.

"Just one." A pale finger gestured to the top of the sleek, white leather and polished cherry wood cabin. "Why are you sitting so close to me?"

His lips pressed into a hard line. "It's my plane. I'll sit where I want." Damian said definitively, offering no other explanation.

He was so irritating in that way.

"It's a large enough plane to comfortably seat twenty - at least." Raven tried. "Surely you can sit somewhere else besides next to me?"

The deep voice was barely inflected and unwavering. "I want to sit here."

"Your legs are longer than mine - that one has more leg room." Raven pointed across the aisle. "And you'd have the adjacent seat for even more room."

"Hmm. Still, no. I'm sitting here." The calloused hand tapped the arm of the seat, slowly, one thick finger at a time.

Raven gritted her teeth. "Damian, please."

"Make me."

"Make you?" Raven blinked rapidly.

She could barely believe the words she was hearing him speak aloud.

"Yes." The white teeth sparkled brilliantly against his deep skin. "If you want me to move so badly, why don't you make me?"

"Oh, I see." Raven smirked. "Are you finally making the change from a man-child to an actual child?" She retorted with her arms folded. "Long overdue, if you ask me."

"Yes, Raven," Damian echoed. His tone grew steadily more self-righteous. "I'm a child. And this child can sit anywhere he wants on his "PJ"."

"No. I am not going to stand for this." There were some things that were inexcusable. And this was one of them. "I know it's yours, but please - never call it that again. It's a private jet. It is not a PJ -"

Damian continued his tirade, as if she hadn't spoken. "And this child wanted his apartment, but of course you had to have your way there, as well."

Here we go.

Was this whole maneuver some ploy to seek petty revenge? "Fine." Raven retorted. "You like your planes and your cars, but Damian: Why won't you just find another apartment?"

"I'll have you know, I do have other things I desire - things that are not solely materialistic." Damian appraised her openly and received a series of smoldering embers. "And for the record, I have found a place..."

"Well, good." Raven mumbled. "That's great..." She tried again, but she was overtaken by an odd sense of loss. "Really great." The apartment was a source of guaranteed discord between them; it was something they bickered about consistently. And though she was happy for him, they had built up a rapport on top of this (supposed) slight. What would become of their banter without a collective source of contention? "Was yours also your first?"

"My first...?" He curiously searched her. "The first apartment I bought on my own - yeah." With the lessening of crackling static, the air in the cabin had begun to shift.

"Congratulations..." Raven offered. "Our firsts, they're always milestones..." And she swallowed. "So, I guess we can move on."

Damian repeated wistfully, "you want to move on from this?"

"Yes." The pale girl exhaled, relaxing her posture a fraction. "You lost the place you wanted initially, but maybe this one will be better?" She flicked the arm of his seat coyly. And Raven couldn't resist the compulsion to get one last dig at Damian. "Though, I doubt it." She hissed. "Second. Place."

"There." Damian growled, as if she had proved his point. "It's because of that..." He paused. "You say you want to move on, but you don't." Then he sighed, carving a rough hand harshly through his hair. "I - want so badly to like you, Roth. But, you just can't resist pushing my buttons. And gloating."

"I don't gloat, I'm confident." Raven spat. "And confidence comes from knowledge and experience, not arrogance." She was a CEO after all.

"Alright, bravado is good in business..." Damian licked his lips. "But, does that over-inflated ego satisfy you at the end of the night when you're alone in your office?"

Her dark bob shook at the lecherous undertone. "What are you getting at, Wayne -"

"You alone in your office, Roth..." His voice, it had gone dark and decadent. "Sliding off your Jimmy Choos under your desk and sinking back into your chair... To slip a hand up your thighs under one of your tight pencil skirts..." An angry flush was rising on a pale face. But her body warmed at his words, as it, like her eyes, found Damian a pleasurable point. And it too betrayed her. "Or how about in bed? I bet when you finally lay yourself down on top of those thousand thread count sheets, it's just you and your bloated ego. Does it manage to keep you warm at night?"

"Actually, yes. It does. But, thank you once again for your overly-invested concern." It was true about her ego. But if it ever didn't, she had a steady rotation of men to do it for her. "If you think you're going to shock me, you can't." She deadpanned. "Think about me alone, quite a bit, Damian?"

"You didn't answer my question..." The beautiful smile was cruel. "Raven, I'm not talking about the... uh, toys you've collected to keep you warm. I mean, have you ever had a real relationship?"

"Are you prying to prove a point?" Raven raised a brow. "In case you were asking "for a friend", you should know that, I have."

"I find that hard to believe." Damian scoffed.

As if.

"I think you're... projecting." Her heartbeat surged as she countered. "Wouldn't be the first time."

"There's that misdirected overconfidence making you assume things again."

"Misdirected? No, I think... you've never been in a relationship." Damian glared, she could even see his nostrils flare. "No... I know you haven't. You wanted to find out if I had been though... You've also mentioned, what did you call them... my toys - several times before now. So the question is why?"

"It's not as a big deal as you're making it." He rolled his eyes and settled back into his plush seat, facing away from her. "You're delusional."

Damian wanted to end this; he knew he was going to lose. But Raven was not going to end this. Not yet. She faced him. "So you're obsessed with my love life? I think I know why."

"I'm not doing this with you," He growled. With a click his seat belt came undone. "You're off base, Roth. You're not as perceptive as you think." Damian motioned to his temple.

Raven realized faintly that she did indeed "make him". But she no longer cared about that.

No. This had become so much more.

"I'm every bit as perceptive as I think I am." Pale hands unbuckled her own seat belt and inched closer. Damian started to rise, pulling out his phone, suddenly finding it fascinating.

"Sit down, Damian." Raven forced him back down into the white leather, and his phone clattered to the ground. Damian probably could have overpowered her, but he allowed it, just like she knew he would. "You wanted to sit here, this plane is your real estate, so don't change seats on my account. I'll accommodate you."

"You're - crazy." Wide emeralds darted around madly.

"Yes, I am." She leaned on either side of his arm rests. Raven had caged him in. "You knew that already. And yet you keep inviting me out."

"What are you doing?"

"Proving my point." She gripped his hair in a fist. As his cool façade cracked. The faintest hint of pink rose up his cheeks, as he glared at the floor. Damian refused to meet her eyes, but she wanted to see it. The seconds leading up to the break, when he gave in to her. Raven pulled his hair back with a devious, self-satisfied smirk, forcing him to look up.

In what was so obviously a last ditch effort to keep his pride, he growled, "Roth, I'm warning you. If you don't get your highfalutin manicured talons off me -"

"You'll what, Wayne?" His Adam's apple dipped down again. Damian was all bark and no bite when it came to her.

They both knew that.

"Do it, Raven. By all means, test me..." Underneath, she could hear a faint plea masked by his harshness.

"I bet you'd like it if I did." And Raven knew he longed to see what she was up to.

Raven concentrated on the widening stare of deep jade, finding herself transfixed. That unique shade, so much darker and more dangerous than dollars. Damian's dollar bills... She could recall to mind a certain photo shoot. But in her mind, it was decidedly less philanthropic.

Damian Wayne. Hard and sculpted under taut, rich caramel. Supine and outstretched. Enticing with nothing but dollars sliding down his decency. Down and down they fell... Raven licked her lips, feeling famished after that huge meal. But in a way that was more carnal.

"What the hell are you staring at anyway?"

[whattodowithace]

Roommates Code: How it Began (Seyoon’s Story)

Title: Roommates Code: How it Began

Pairing: Liju x Seyoon & Donghun (But can be reader x Seyoon & Donghun)

Genre: Humor, slight spice

Word count: 2187

Writer: Kpopmadness (Ju)

"Would you stop playing that video?" I groan, ready to throw my textbook at my schoolmate who sat on my head watching a music video for the hundredth time.

"I have to watch it closely. It's for science." She answers me, her eyes staying glued to the screen in front of her.

"You could help me with our homework project due in a few days. For science." I mimic her wording, making her narrow her eyes at me before shutting her laptop down to get her books.

This is how our relationship was. And how it probably always would be. My relationship with my classmate was fairly new. Both of us meeting one day at a study group in the library at our school. We continued to see each other for the next four weeks. The group we were with ignoring us most times, leaving us with just each other to talk to. Now we had moved our study sessions to my house. Us studying for school together becoming a weekly habit on top of sitting next to each other during lunch break at school as a excuse to hang out.

The room is silent for five minutes before she pipes up again; "You know, with the amount of times we talk to each other and see each other, we could move in together as roommates once we graduate." She tells me.

I look up from my book to meet her eyes, surprised to see she was actually being serious. I lean back in my chair as i say, "We would probably kill each other."

She shrugs, her long hair falling over her shoulder as she does so. "We might." She says, "Or we might not. We've been hanging out with each other for five months now and haven't manged to argue yet. And we don't seem to stress each other. And i don't see you or i getting boyfriends means how we like being alone so much."

I laugh,  the idea amusing and sounding fun. But it seemed a little outlandish means how we still had another nine months of high school left.

"We'll see where we are when we finish school. We might hate each other by then." I say before turning back to my book.

``````

The problem with us, however, is when we kid about something, it often times happens somehow. Two months after graduating high school we found good paying jobs and a available apartment.

"I'll let you two look around a bit more." The landlord of our new apartment said as she walked down the stairs, "Congratulations on getting the place."

We both thanked her with smiles on our faces before shutting the door and letting out an excited scream. Our place small but roomy enough for us, making it feel like a palace compared to our small bedrooms at home. And the biggest difference was this was our place.

"Which room do you want?" She asks me as we make our way down the hall.

"You can have the bigger room. You have more things than i do." I tell her, stepping into what would be her bedroom.

"You've never had a big bedroom before though." She says, sounding guilty.

I laugh, "Please, my room has a bathroom. That's a luxury by itself."

We both laugh as we continue walking around our rooms. At one point I stand in my room trying to think of how to arrange things when i hear her call,

"If we shut our bedroom doors can we still hear each other?" She asks, poking her head into my room.

Our bedrooms were stationed right next to each other, the thought of being able to talk even from our rooms making me giggle.

"Lets see." I say through a laugh. Shutting my bedroom door, hearing her do the same a moment later.

She taps on the wall next to my room, the sound echoing through my empty room. "We could learn mores code!"   I hear her say as she starts randomly taping the wall with her hand.

I laugh and lean my back against the wall, "If our walls are this thin that means our neighbors can hear us. Which means they're going to wonder why your using mores code to summon Satan."

I hear her laugh as she walks out of her room and into mine, "But if we ever get boyfriends it might be an issue. We'll hear more of each other than is wanted."

``````

Four years later:

I sit at the kitchen table one afternoon scrolling through my Ipad when the front door unlocks and my roommate steps inside. I open my mouth to greet her but quickly shut it when i see the man standing behind her.

"Thank you again for walking me home, Seyoon." She says, smiling at him as she leans her body weight against the door.

"It was no problem." He says sweetly, smiling back at her.

I bite my lip and slowly move off my chair to try to sneak away to my bedroom to give them some privacy. I had just stood up when she turns her head and looks at me,

"Where are you going?" She asks, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

I straighten and force a smile on my face, silently cursing her for drawing attention to me.

"Nowhere." I answer  in a sweet voice, my eyes narrowing at her.

"Hey Seyoon." I wave at him.

Seyoon waves back at me, "Hey, good to see you."  His smile widens as he looks back at my roommate before saying, "I should get going. But it was really good to see you all. Thank you for letting me walk you home." He says. I don't miss the way his hand slightly reaches for hers that rests on the doorknob or how he lingers at the door though. All of this making me smirk.

She thanks him again before shutting the door completely and whirling around to throw her bag at me. I let out a cry when it hits me on the shin.

"What the heck do you keep in there? Bricks?" I grumble as i rub my leg.

"I keep them in there for when i need to beat you to death." She fires  back. "I told you to stay in the same room as me if we ever see him. Then you try to wonder off!"

"He looked like he wanted to be alone with you!" I shout, a smirk on my lips.

She narrows her eyes at me before running up and kicking my feet out from under me, making me land on my back, air leaving my lungs.

She kicks me in the butt, making me scream.

"He walked you home! That's a clear sign he wants a relationship with you!"  I scream at her. Her face going red.

"I don't care, because i don't want a relationship with him." She mumbles quietly.

I stand up from the ground and brush myself off, "Are you sure about that?" I ask, making her hesitate but still narrow her eyes at me.

This had been an ongoing conversation between us for the past month. Kim Seyoon was her workmate, he also only lived a block away from our apartment. For the past month, he had been making it very clear he liked her. Making lunch for her, sending her texts to check on her when she didn't show up at work. He even brought over some soup once for me when i was sick and she had stayed home to make sure  i didn't die. Clearly trying to get on my good side as well.

Needless to say, i liked him for her. But her being the stubborn person she is, refused to admit she liked him or wanted a date with him. So for the past month we had talked, argued, and screamed at each other about the matter. Even though she denied it, i could see her walls cracking slightly. She was growing more of a weak spot for him than she wanted to admit.

"I'm going to go. I ordered a Pizza for dinner for us." I tell her as i pick up my car keys.

A smile grows on my roommates face at the mention of her favorite food. "This doesn't change anything. I still don't like you."

I laugh and roll my eyes, "I know." I sigh out as i walk out the door.

```````

"This one?"

"No." I answer after observing the dress briefly that she had pulled from her closet.

"I don't know what to wear!" She groans in frustration. Raking her fingers through her hair.

After three months of bucking liking Seyoon, she finally caved in to him. Tonight being their first official date that he was going to pick her up for in an hour.

"I still say this dress," I tell her, holding up a red low cut dress with a thick black belt around l the waist.

"But i don't want to wear it." She whines, stomping her foot slightly.

I sigh and put the dress down on her bed. "You look good in it and you know he would like it. You just are too scared to wear it."

My roommate glares at me, mumbling words under her breath as she goes to put the dress i picked out on.

For the remaining hour we walk around our apartment finding things she needed to complete her look. Which included her borrowing one of my necklaces, me doing her hair while she worked on her makeup, and us arguing back and forth like always.

The doorbell rain as she was putting her shoes on, the noise making her jump and look at me panicked. I smirk at her as i wonder down the hall to my door so he couldn't see me when she opened the door. She gave me a passing glare as she went to open the door, Seyoon greeting her warmly in a white button down shirt and black slacks. His blonde hair falling over his eyes in fluffy locks. His eyes widening slightly and his voice going nervous when he saw her.

I smile to myself as i watch the pair walk out the door. I retreat into my bedroom for a night to myself while she was gone.

```````

I stumble into the kitchen sleepily the next morning. My eyes refusing to stay open. I go to the fridge and pour some cold coffee into a cup when my roommate comes out of her room, her eyes sparkling.

"Good morning." She say brightly, going to the fridge to pour herself a glass of milk. Her long hair doing little to hide several of the dark patches that cover her neck and collarbone

I stand by the counter with a glare on my face as she does so. My gaze on her making her meet my eyes.

“Why are you looking at me like that? And why do you look so tired?"

"Maybe it's because certain people wouldn't stop moaning and panting last night." I snap. Making her almost spit her mouthful of milk all over the floor.

"You heard us?" She coughs.

"Our walls are paper thin!" I say, "Your bed is close to the wall so i could hear everything. Until 3AM i heard many many things."

"No.. you... you didn't,  did you?" She asks, her voice cracking and her eyes wide from shock.

"That's a good boy." I mimic, using one of her choice words that night.

She gasps loudly, her face and neck going red. "I thought you would be asleep!"  

"I was. But all the noise definitely woke me up." I tell her, finishing off my coffee to put the cup in the sink.

"We need a code of some sort if he's going to be coming over here a lot for your make outs." I tell her.

She gives me a nervous look, her face still red. "What kind of code?" She asks.

"Something. An agreement that we will leave when the other one wants to spend time alone with their boyfriend or something."

"You don't have a boyfriend." She jabs, a smirk tugging at her lips.

"Shut up." I snap, making her laugh.

For the next hour we sit on the couch going back and forth on the rules of this code. The code being simple enough, but holding a measure of  trust that the other one would respect the others privacy when asked. We had just finished setting special text tones for each other as part of the Roommates Code when Seyoon walked out into the living room. His blonde hair sticking up in funny places and several dark marks littering his neck.

“Do you guys always laugh so loud?" Seyoon teases, a smile tugging at his lips as he rubs his eyes.

"I know someone else who's loud."   I mumble under my breath, making my roommate stand up quickly and chase me to my room, screaming at me the entire time. Leaving a chuckling Seyoon to stand in the living room alone.

[queerbutstillhere]

Hi, honey!! I'm back on Tumblr hohoiii 😆 If you still accept prompts can I ask you for: Damian and Jonno's children (a boy and a girl, God knows why😶) are sent to the past and met their daddys who are recently dating. ((Please, make it extremely awkward, some Batfam too)) tysm😙

(Once again, thank ya for giving me a chance to work with these kiddos! I hope you like this!!)

The portal dumped them out in the middle of the air. Because of course it did.

The two screaming kid vigilantes grabbed at each other as they plumpted through the air. Zaina willed her fluctuating powers to kick in, and sure enough, the adrenaline caused the surge and she snatched her brother out of the air, slowing their fall.

"Oof! You're heavy!" She exclaimed, scowling down at him.

"I am not!" The younger teen, built like a rugby player, said with a scowl.

"Yes you are!"

She looked around, flying to the nearby roof and touching down on it, she "gently" dropped her brother to the graveled roof of the tall building.

"Where are we?" Malik asked, popping up and looking around.

"Ummm."

He was already activating his lenses, which were glowing blue now. He looked around, turning a full circle.

"I think we're in Gotham," Zaina asked, walking to the edge and looking down.

"Really? Did he just teleport us away."

"... No, look."

Zaina pointed across the street to billboard on the side of a building, one that had Bruce Wayne, and something about Wayne Industries.

"Oh my God," Malik exclaimed. "Sis. I think we were sent back in time."

Zaina and Malik Wayne-Kent were the children of Damian Wayne and Jon Kent, they had been adopted at 5 and 3, respectively, and had lived with their parents for thirteen years now. Both were born Arabic, but had met Jon during a crisis in their Homeland, their mother having been killed in it, and Jon took very quick steps to make sure the kids were okay, and not long after, he and Damian decided to adopt them.

Zaina was eighteen now, and yet still shorter then her brother. She was only 5'5", and fairly muscular from having done gymnastics almost her whole life. Her black hair was cut short in a shoulder length bob, and she had darker skin like her father. She had, a few months ago, been exposed to platinum kryptonite, and had thus gained the powers of Superman. Only they were still on the fritz. It made her wince to remember the weeks when her hearing was changing, and when her eyes evolved. The good news was she didn't need glasses. Her father had wanted to take them away, but Zaina had begged and begged and made full persuasive essays and finally convinced him to allow her a trial period.

Malik was only sixteen and but he was tall, and broad in the shoulders. He played lacrosse and worked out and ran and all those things, and yes, he was in a rugby league. He was already a hottie at sixteen, and Zaina could not count the amount of girls she had chased away from her brother. His dark hair, more brown then black, was kept short, shaved on the sides and just a little bit of fluff on top. He had no powers, just his wicked sharp intellect and skills with technology.

They had both become teen vigilantes a few years back, having adopted adaptations of some of the previous heroes in their family line. Zaina had become Robin, with a bit of a twist on the uniform, it was more solid black, with splashed of color here and there, her boots, her belt, her cape, her gloves. So on. Soon she probably would switch to a Super title when her powers fully developed. Malik had made his own name, Batboy, until he felt he had earned the Batman title from his father. His costume was a lot like the Black Bat costume, and his cowl didn't completely cover his head, just came up his neck and around his eyes, his hair sticking out the top, and the classic bat ears poking up from the sides.

Their parents had both stepped down from their vigilante rolls for the most part while they were raising the kids, but when the siblings had started sneaking out, they decided to pick the rolls back up so they could properly train them, and watch their backs until they were ready to go out. It's doubtful they ever thought this would happen.....

Their game plan was simple. Find Batman or one of their uncles. Explain. Get taken back to the batcave, and then to the Watchtower so Waverider or someone can send them back to their time.

They split up after Malik resynced their comms, going to opposite ends of the town. Zaina was flying, scanning the streets, listening for the sounds of her family. And then, as it tends to do, her powers just gave out. She screamed as she started falling, scrambling for her grapple gun, which Malik wisely made her keep. And then she landed on something with a small thunk.

"Hey there, you better slow down a bit, shouldn't jump without a grapple in hand."

She recognized that voice. It was a bit younger, a bit more innocent and lively, but she recognized it all the same. She twisted in her savior's arms, looking up at Superboy.

"Pops!" She exclaimed joyfully, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly.

She probably shouldn't have done that.

Jon chuckled nervously, keeping his hold on her.

"I think you have me mistaken for someone else..."

"Oh. . . No. It's a long story, we need to find ba- Robin, or errrrr....." She paused, considering how she should do this. "What year is it?"

"2019?"

"Okay. We need to find Robin."

".... Who are you?"

"I'm also Robin, but from the future."

Malik had similar luck. He had been poking around the narrows, secretly hoping to find Red Hood, when the screaming hit him. His sensors started going crazy seconds before he could hear it, and then he took off, running through the streets and weaving between cars and signs to reach the source.

He burst around the corner and found a full on gang street fight going down, a couple kids stuck in the middle.

"Hey!" He yelled, his voice projected slightly by his tech.

A couple people paused and turned to him. He grabbed his Bo staff, fully expanding it and hitting a button to send electrical currents through it.

"Back away from the kids."

One of them scoffed, stepping forwards.

"It's one of them batkids. Soak 'em, boys."

Malik easily knocked out the first two, flipping off the third to get back out of range of their bats and knuckles.

"Oh ho! He thinks he's hot shit!"

More thugs rushed at him, but Malik was used to this, he easily beat them all down. Until one got behind him, arms wrapping around his upper arms and squeezing. Another grabbed his Bo at the insulated section, preventing him from hitting anyone.

Then there was a thump and the person behind him let go. Malik reared forwards, headbutting the person in front of him. He judo flipped them quickly before turning back to find the kids. They were huddled against the wall. He took a running start and flipped over some thugs, ducking past others until he was at the kids. There were three total, two younger ones, and a teen, not much younger then him.

"Hi," he said with a smile, smacking another thug with his bo. "I'm going to get you children out of here okay?"

They nodded rapidly. Malik considered his options and then looked at the oldest.

"I need you to carry the smaller one."

She nodded, quickly getting him on her back piggyback style. Malik picked up the other kid the same way. Then he produced his grapple and aimed for the roof. Once it was hooked, he put away his baton, and grabbed the girl with his free arm. They quickly were yanked up and swung over the crowd of gang members to the end of the Street, where it was clear and safe. His shoulder complained greatly, but it was fine.

When he landed, set down the kids and turned around, everyone was gone. Except a vigilante. Robin. His baba.

He recognized his father instantly, having seen enough pictures to know, even with the significant difference.

"Oh thank God."

Robin eyed him warily.

"Who are you."

"I think we best wait for-"

His sensors beeped in annoyance at the detection of two Kryptonian's. He turned and found his sister and a much younger version of his pops landing, Zaina on Jon's back.

"Sis! Are you okay?!" He exclaimed, ditching Damian to run to her. She jumped off and ran over, meeting him and grabbing his face, scanning him over.

"I'm fine! I heard all the fighting!"

"I'm okay, did your powers give out again?"

"Yes! I was up four stories and they dropped and-"

"I told you not to get that high!" Malik protested.

"Hey! Don't lecture me!" Zaina glanced to the side and froze. "You found Baba?"

"Yeah."

"Are we going to tell them?"

"What else do you have in mind?"

"Doesn't that break time travel rules?"

Malik gave his sister an annoyed face.

"No- God, that's not- no, Z, no."

"Excuse me. We have questions," Jon said, stepping up.

"Police are almost here," Malik shot back, the lenses of his mask slightly blue. "We'll talk after."

After they cleared things up with the police, they headed to the batcave, and Malik immediately felt more relaxed in the familiar, yet older interior. He didn't hesitate to pull his mask off, looking around, noting the differences.

"Robin what is this?"

He glanced over to see Batman and immediately went still.

Bruce had died with they were young, they had barely gotten to know him, and Malik especially had very few memories of him... Zaina, on the other hand, gave a sob like noise and smacked her hand over her mouth. Everyone looked at her, confused.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, composing herself. She too reached up and took her mask off.

"You would like an explanation?" Malik questioned, even as he tapped at the screen attached into his glove.

"We would," Damian responded, eyeing him warily.

"I'm Malik Wayne-Kent, this is my sister, Zaina Wayne-Kent, and we're from the future."

Silence hung over the cave after his words and Damian looked thoroughly shocked.

"I'm sorry," Jon said, speaking up. "Did you say, Wayne-Kent?"

"Yes."

Damian opened his mouth, shut it once, and then spoke. "Please tell me you are Drake's children?"

"Afraid not," Zaina said with a head shake. "You're our baba."

There was another several beats of silence, and then Bruce seemed to put two and two together.

"And your other parent is..... Jon?"

Malik nodded. "Pops."

"Which makes me your grandfather."

Another nod from Zaina.

"You're kidding me. If you're joking right now I'll-" Damian clenched his jaw and looked up at Jon.

"Wait, are you two.... What half of 2019 is this?" Malik asked. "Have you not started dating yet?"

Bruce opened his mouth, looking at his son, and then back at his future grandchildren.

"Oh, dear," Zaina said softly, leaning into her brother. "I don't think they have."

"Oops."

"Wait so you're telling me we get married?!" Jon exclaimed, shocked.

"Uh, well in our timeline you do. When we got spit out here, we created a separate time line from ours."

"And. She . . . She has powers," Jon said, pointing at Zaina.

"I was given them by Platinum kryptonite," Zaina explained. "You wanted to take them away, baba, but I managed to convince you otherwise."

"Sounds like something you'd do," Jon said, nudging Damian.

"Shush, Jon, this is important. We have to get them back to their timeline before we change anything else accidentally."

Bruce was sitting there in silence and then he looked to his son.

"Damian. Are you two dating?"

Damian winced slightly. "Just a few weeks ago...."

"... Okay. I'm going to go prep the jet. We'll head to the watchtower."

The four watched him walk away. Then Zaina looked at Damian.

"It's really odd seeing you guys do young," she said, smiling lightly.

"I imagine so... We really let you two be vigilantes?"

"You didn't really have a choice. I hacked into the cave and then we snuck out every night until you decided to just train us."

Damian and Jon didn't quite know what to do with their children, just kinda awkwardly looked at them.

Malik finally turned and walked away, over to the dino. "Man, this thing is so old."

"Okay, you young pup," Zaina said with a laugh, following after.

"So whose all what in this time line?" Zaina asked, looking over to Damian and Jon, who were whispering softly.

"Pardon?" Damian asked in a cold tone she wasn't used too.

"Uncle Dickie, he's.... Nightwing?"

Jon nodded, his arm was around Damian now.

"Dick's Nightwing, Jason is Red Hood. Cass is Black Bat, Barbara is Batgirl slash Oracle, Steph is Spoiler, and Tim is .... Drake," their pops explained. "Obviously we're Superboy and Robin, and Bruce is Batman."

"Bruce is dead in your timeline isn't he?" Damian asked, walking away from Jon and torwards them.

They exchanged a look, and then Malik nodded.

"There was an accident.... No one could stop it. I'm sorry," he said softly.

Damian shook his head, gently hugging Malik.

"No. I'm sorry. How old were you?"

"I was only five, Zaina was eight."

"I remember him more then Malik," Zaina offered, looking sad now.

Malik, hugging his baba back, looked up to Jon, who looked contemplative.

"But, again, we accidentally changed your time line, so that may not happen. Just like you two may not get married, and you may not adopt us."

"... As far as I'm concerned those seem like fixed points in time," Jon said.

Damian sighed and pulled back, giving Jon a look, and then he hugged Zaina.

"Who am I? In your time?"

"First and foremost your our dad," she answered. "But you're also a businessman and Batman. Once Malik is old enough, you're going to give him Batman."

Damian nodded as he considered this, but went silent, stepping back to stand next to Jon.

They had a very awkward flight to the Watchtower, Zaina and Jon quietly chatting about their powers, and what Zaina had developed so far. Malik sat next to Damian, silently working on his tech, as always. He was obsessive about keeping it updated, always changing the programing. Some of his features didn't work due to the lack of connection to the Wayne Satellites of the future, but enough of them did that he could still preform scans, bouncing off nearby cell phone towers.

"What's that?" Damian asked, watching him tap at the screen on his forearm.

"It's my control panel."

"For what?"

"My OTL."

"What."

"It's. . . Optical lenses in my mask, look."

Malik held it up, flicked on the blue lenses and then turned, looking at Zaina. On his screen, a digital display of a file popped up.

"I can also do this."

He triple tapped it and it was projected up into a hologram.

"Oh."

Zaina leaned forwards, arms on her brothers shoulders. "Malik's a genius. He programs all his tech himself. Even uncle Tim and Aunt Babs can't keep up with him."

Malik flushed, looking down. "I just like programming."

"You'd never guess it, from his public appearance, but he'd a major nerd. Jock Nerd type."

"Okay Prep Jock, shut your mouth."

Zaina giggled.

"So, what are you two's vigilante names?" Bruce asked from the cockpit.

"I'm Robin," Zaina answered, looking up to her grandfather. "But pops and I have agreed once my powers and are more consistent, I'm going to take up another name, Supergirl or something."

"And I'm Batboy, for now."

Bruce nodded slightly.

"I know you guys have a lot of questions, but I am afraid we won't be able to answer some of them," Malik said. "There's somethings I don't dare mess with, timeline wise."

"We understand," Bruce answered. "this isn't our first time messing with time travel."

The rest of the flight was awkward silence. They got to the watchtower and confused everyone they talked to.

"Where's Waverider?" Bruce asked J'onn, who was on duty at that moment.

"He has not been around for several-"

There was a burst of sparks and then suddenly Waverider appeared in front of them. He gave Malik and Zaina a startled look. They waved.

"You two are much bigger," he remarked.

"Well, that's what happens when you aren't hoping around the time stream," Zaina said with a grin.

"Your father's are probably waiting for you," he said, walking over to them. "Let's go."

"Wait!" Zaina backed away, and then spun to Bruce. "I know you don't know me. But... Can I just give you a hug?"

Bruce chuckled and nodded, opening his arms. "Come here."

She ran over, crashing into his body, hugging him tightly. Bruce gently hugged her, rubbing her back.

"It's okay, I don't know what happens, but I understand," Bruce said softly, kissing her head.

"I love you, grandpa," she murmured softly.

"And I can not wait to meet you again, little one."

Zaina pulled away, reaching up and adjusting her mask. Bruce looked to Malik and held open his arms. Malik immediately gave in and ran over, hugging him. They exchanged no words, just hugged. And then Malik stepped back, and Waverider grabbed onto both of them.

"Goodbye, and thank you," Zaina said to the younger versions of their fathers.

"Bye! Be safe!" Jon said with a grin.

And then they were gone.

They appeared back in their time, right in front of their fathers at the batcave. Damian jolted slightly, and then raised an eyebrow.

"Waverider?"

"Hey, Damian. Jon."

"What's up?" Jon asked, setting down his cup of tea.

"Oh, not much, found your kids in 2019. Figured you might like them back."

"Indeed we would."

"Well, see you around."

Waverider disappeared again. Malik sighed and pulled off his mask, walking forwards and hugging his baba.

"It's been a weird day, and I'm ready for bed. Good night baba, good night pops. I love you," Malik said, heading towards the locker room.

"Love you too, kiddo," Jon called after him.

They looked at Zaina. "So what happened?"

"I'll explain over some hot cocoa and smores."

[dadspeed-appreciationsquad]

Content

Gary isn't used to people touching him. Side hugs, hand holding, it's all new to him.

He flinches almost everytime someone places a hand on his shoulder. Not in a bad way, just in a "oh my crap this is a lot of sensations I'm feeling" kinda way.

Set in Final Space. This can be read by itself or you can perceive it between How Do I Tell Him? And Changes.

~

Gary was used to loneliness. He was almost comforted by the familiar feeling it gave. The empty feeling in his chest that consumed him for most of his life, at least until Mooncake showed up and changed everything. But can you blame the guy? He spent 5 years in solitude and even before that he didn't really have any friends or family to share the occasional "hug" with. Before Gary was imprisoned, he was alone for most of his life. The only person that had shown him any love or affection had died when he was young, too young to really retain what affection felt like.

So his friends touching him was an entirely new experience.

His friends aren't really ones to display affection, they're the type to give an excited hug after a job well done or a pat on the shoulder if you did something good. But they almost never laid a hand on another when an adrenaline rush wasn't involved.

Gary on the other hand, has always been a touchy guy. Pats on the back, arms swung around shoulders, Gary is a very friendly person. He likes to be around people and be close to the ones he trusts.

Sometimes he wonders if he's being annoying or clingy when he drapes himself over Avocato or leans against him, but Avocato hasn't said anything against it, so Gary hasn't stopped. Gary could tell he hated it at first, but he's like a cat. Once they like you, and I mean really like you, they'll seek you out when they want attention.

Gary isn't new to touching people, he's just new to people touching him.

He doesn't mean that in a bad way, he's not entirely uncomfortable with touching. It was more like, something as small as a side hug sent shivers down his spine. Or if someone, not naming names, nuzzled up to him, he'd immediately get weak in the knees, and not in a "God he's so hot I'm weak" kinda way. Him being weird about touch wasn't always based on his attraction. When his mom patted him on the back he flinched away, not because he was upset, it was just. Weird. It was like, it was too much. He would get overwhelmed when someone else touched him.

Was this normal?

It kinda creeped him out to be honest.

One of the only people that were an exception was Little Cato. He felt comforted when he and Little Cato hugged or clasped. It didn't feel uncomfortable or like it was too much. He doesn't know why or what makes him different. Maybe it was the level of trust? No, because he trusts Quinn and he trusted Nightfall. Maybe it was because they had both comforted each other multiple times to the point touching became their way of comfort?

He's not sure.

On the other side, Avocato also wasn't used to touching, which Gary provided a sufficient amount of. It was weird at first, actually it took everything in him to not claw Gary's eyes out when they first met. But as they grew closer, he began to trust Gary. It was different than what he was used to. He was once a highly respected General, he was untouchable. Those under his command could hardly even look at him, not that they wanted to. But now, Gary quite literally drapes himself over him. It wasn't bad, not that Avocato would ever admit that. It's a nice change of pace, and he trusts Gary.

After some time, Avocato began seeking out his touch. He would stand way too close, sit too close, and he even leaned into any touch Gary provided. Avocato would find himself nuzzling into hugs only to deny it if questioned. Gary got the hint after the first few denials. So he stopped asking and just went with it.

Eventually Avocato began to get impatient while waiting for Gary to initiate touches. Gary was always busy doing repairs, counting stock, flying, there was always something he had to do. So Avocato started dishing it out as well.

Which is what induced Gary into a small panic of flinching gasps and small jolts.

It started small, hands on shoulders, brushing hands together when standing too close, and Avocato has even started giving Gary the occasional side hug whenever they were standing next to each other. If Gary was sitting, Avocato would drape his arm over Gary's shoulder. If Gary was standing, Avocato would wrap his arm around Gary's waist. He hardly noticed Gary's odd fidgeting whenever they touched, and when he did, he figured it was just Gary being Gary.

If either of them were weirded out, no one said anything. So the small touches kept happening and more of it.

~

Avocato walked into the lounge to see Gary sipping from a coffee mug. He was leaning against the table, half of his torso on the table. Gary had to tilt his head upwards awkwardly and slowly sip at his drink to not spill it. Avocato smiled and cradled his cup of milk close to him as he walked over.

"I hope you're not drinking coffee at this hour." Avocato placed his cup on the table and sat across Gary, crossing his legs. He leaned back against the booth in a relaxed manner. Gary looked up at Avocato.

"Nope, just some warm milk." He raised his mug and gave a small smile before setting it back down.

"Can't sleep?" Avocato took a sip from his cup and leaned forward. He noticed the bags under Gary's eyes and tried not to frown.

Gary shrugged. "Not really, what are you doing up at this hour?" Although they couldn't really perceive time in Final Space, the Crimson Light had a day and night cycle. Light for 12 hours, dimmed lights for 12 hours. Sheryl was the one currently keeping an eye on piloting while most slept.

Avocato mimicked Gary and shrugged. "Can't sleep." They sat in silence for a moment, just enjoying the presence of the other. They both took sips from their drink before Gary smiled deviously. Avocato furrowed his brow.

"So what if we could help each other?" Gary asked innocently, batting his eyelashes. Avocato bit his lip and narrowed his eyes.

"How so?" Gary stood and leaned forward on the table, getting very close to Avocato's face. Avocato was used to this behavior, so he just stared at Gary with a raised brow. He also wasn't too upset about the sudden proximity.

"Sleepover!" Gary moved out from the booth and grabbed Avocato's hand. He dragged him to his room, drinks left forgotten. He tugged Avocato through the halls and to his room.

"Wa-Wait, Gary, I-" Gary opened his door and pushed Avocato in. Avocato stumbled slightly and turned to look at Gary.

"No buts! What better way to exhaust yourself than hanging out with your best bud?" Gary placed his hands on his hips and puffed out his chest proudly.

Avocato rolled his eyes. "I can think of a few better ways." He muttered to himself with a smirk on his face.

"Hmm? What was that?" Gary tilted his head, too into his own world to understand what Avocato was implying.

Avocato simply shook his head. "You want to play cards then?"

Gary's face lit up and a bright smile displayed across his face. It's been awhile since Avocato had seen Gary smile like that.

He tried to ignore the flutter in his stomach.

Gary nodded his head viciously and moved to his bed, grabbing his cards from his nightstand on the way. He jumped on the bed and sat criss crossed. The energetic man-child began to excitedly shuffle the cards as he patted the other side of the bed.

"Are you going to play, or just stand there?"

Avocato walked over and sat across from him. "Of course I'm going to play. I just don't know if you can handle losing."

Gary laughed. "They only thing I'll have to handle is your sore loser attitude!" Gary began dealing the cards. They started with a simple game of SlapJack. Both were very aggressive and competitive. Gary loved playing with Avocato most because he matched Gary's level of aggression in cards, it's not easy to find a partner that can dish it out and take the heat.

They flipped cards over back and forth so quickly a bystander would think it was life or death. A jack appeared and they both slammed their hands on the card, making all the cards on the bed bounce at their violent attack.

"Dammit!" Gary removed his hand and let Avocato take the cards.

"Come on baby, you are trying aren't you?" Avocato purred and gave him a lazy smile. Gary pursed his lips.

"Of course, it was just a warm up round. I wanted to see if you were paying attention."

Avocato laughed and nodded his head towards the game. "Well maybe you should stop staring at me and look at the cards instead."

"It's hard not to stare." Gary's face flushed as soon as he said it. He looked up to see that Avocato was too focused on the game to have even heard what he'd said.

Gary let out a sigh of relief.

Unfortunately for Gary, Avocato had heard him. He just didn't know what to say in response. He could feel his face burning and he struggled to hide the smirk that so desperately wanted to appear.

He looked back up at Gary and eyed him for a moment. His red tank top dipped with the way he was hunched over, exposing some of his chest. He had an intense look on his face as he started dealing cards. Gary looked up and they made eye contact. Avocato smirked and winked at him. Gary looked back down towards the game, his face cherry red. Avocato laughed slightly as they started the next game.

They continued playing another 3 rounds before Avocato stretched out his arms, showing his defined figure through his black undershirt. His back popped and he groaned.

Gary turned away.

"This has been fun but I'm getting a little tired, aren't you?" Gary nodded slightly. They gathered the rest of the cards and sat them on the nightstand. Avocato moved to stand and Gary grabbed his wrist.

"Where are you going?"

Avocato looked at him quizzically and gestured towards the door. "To my room?"

Gary rolled his eyes and pulled him down onto the bed. Avocato landed beside Gary on the small mattress. It was a tight squeeze, they both laid on their sides facing each other, and there was little room between them. Avocato could feel Gary's breath against his cheeks. In the dimmed room, Gary's eyes seemed to sparkle and Avocato couldn't look away.

"It's a sleepover yo, that usually means you sleep over." Gary annunciated the "sleep over" to get his point across with a shy smile on his face.

"I don't know man, I don't think I'll be able to sleep with you snoring next to me." Avocato looked away with a smirk on his face.

Gary flushed and narrowed his eyes. "I do not snore!" He shoved Avocato's shoulder lightly.

"How would you know?"

Gary glared and ignored him. He then sat up and grabbed the blankets that were by their feet. He pulled the blanket up and threw it over the two of them. Gary laid back down, using his arm as a pillow.

Avocato copied him, except his other hand was placed close to his face.

"How are you doing?"

Avocato closed his eyes and let himself sink into the bed. "What do you mean?"

Gary paused. "With everything."

Avocato shrugged. "I'm getting used to it."

"Well I'm here. If you need to talk."

Avocato smiled, eyes still closed. "You're a good friend Gary."

Gary smiled at the familiar saying. "I would've gone with great." He reached up and held Avocato's hand in his own. "But good works too." He closed his eyes with a small smile on his face.

Avocato sighed at the comforting weight on his hand. He squeezed Gary's hand tenderly. Gary expected to feel that same jolt he gets when people touch him. He expected to feel itchy from being so close to Avocato.

But he felt content. He's never felt this way in someone's embrace before. He felt entirely comforted and safe in Avocato's strong grip.

Sleep came easy after that.