#i said damn im a sexy bitch

[mei-yoi]

Feel myself entering my other music taste era rn…

[thecluelessdoctor]

Guess who got their first creep on Reddit ✨

MEE

[vivwritesfics]

Cockwarming OMGTWR Lando’

This is set in the middle of the fic, when they're still roomies

Warnings: Smut, cockwarming

Series Masterlist

Lando got the movie playing while she got them some drinks and popcorn. She placed them down on the coffee table and moved to slip into the seat beside him.

Suddenly Lando grabbed her hips. He pulled her into his lap and kissed her neck. "I want you to sit on me," he whispered, his breath hot against her ear.

"Idiot, I am sitting on you," she said as she wiggled around, making herself comfortable.

He wiggled his eyebrows. "Oh," she said and pushed her pyjama shorts to the side, revealing herself to him.

Lando freed himself from his sweats. He held himself as he pulled her back onto him, letting her sink down onto his cock. She hissed as he penetrated her, split her own. "Lan," she groaned as he bottomed out.

He pulled her close, wrapping her arms around her, keeping her still. He kissed her cheek and turned on the movie.

Staying still was damn near impossible. Lando groaned as she wiggled on top of him. "Hey," he hissed, tightening his grip on her. "Stop it."

"But Lan," she whined, still moving her hips. "I need the friction."

He tipped his chin towards him and kissed her. That stilled her, if only for a second. When he pulled away there was a single string of saliva between them, connecting them.

He kissed her again, just below her ear this time. Already she was moving on top of him again. "If you don't stop," he began, his voice low, sexy, "I'm gonna have to bend you over the back of this sofa and rail you."

Taglist (CLOSED): @biancathecool @hollie911 @hiireadstuff @annispamz @carlossainzwho @spideybv28 @wherethefuckisthething @fangirl125reader @minkyungseokie @marialovesf1 @kitixie @i-wish-this-was-me @bborra @formula1mount @charlotte1697 @formulaal @eviethetheatrefreak @lordpercivalcharles @venisvendetta @marie0v @tbsloneely @laur20a23 @formulas-bitch @cmleitora @marvelavengers000 @gills-lounge @andydrysdalerogers @demipatterns @holy-macncheese-balls @jule239 @aexitizen-ln4 @landosgirlxoxo @allinestarr @starmanv @st0rmzi3 @random-human02 @nocoolusernamesavailable-blog @happymeal777 @ashy-kit @juniper-july19 @im-an-overthinkerr @haylenxx @kapsylia @prettiest-at-the-party @urfavnoirette @norassimpingzone @thehufflepuffavenger1 @taintet @amorydsmt @hi00000234567 @iamkaku @maxv33rstappen @noneofyourfbusinessworld @thatsusbitch @izzy-marvel @carqueensworld

[jenosbigtoe]

brother’s best friend!lee jeno x reader

minors dni

summary: your overprotective big brother's best friend is just too irresistible. too bad you have to keep your relationship a secret from him. established relationship au!

warnings: jeno is a freak lowkey, creampie, breeding kink, possessiveness, unprotected sex, size kink (if you squint), mating press, jeno fat cock, jeno is a simp, squirting, pussy eating, literally just pwp

wordcount: 2.4k

a/n: intentional lowercase (i hate autocaps) and not proofread so if you see any grammar mistakes lmk. IK THIS IS A WORN OUT TROPE BUT IDC BROTHERS BEST FRIEND JENO FTW this is just so self indulgent so if its ass um ☠️

pretty pink lip gloss, fresh set of french tip acrylics, short white mini skirt, strawberry scented lotion, and a pink lacy camisole. you, na y/n, were going to be the death of lee jeno.

"dude stop looking at my little sister like that you freak," jaemin threw a dirty sock laying around at his best friend's face as jeno stared at your plump ass like a piece of meat while you were in the kitchen making yourself a snack.

"shut the fuck up man," jeno grumbled as he proceeded to knock jaemin off course in moo moo meadows in mario kart.

you smirked knowingly with your back turned. you knew exactly what you were doing. it was 10 pm on a friday night, meaning jeno and jaemin were having their weekly guys night and would crash in the living room, playing video games, drinking beer, and eating pizza.

and it also meant you would get to dangle yourself like a piece of meat in front of your boyfriend and oblivious brother as you watch your hungry boyfriend try to behave himself.

"jaem let me have a turn," you whined, inviting yourself into the living room, and sat between the two boys on the verge of beating the shit out of each other over mario kart.

"y/n you know damn well you're shit at these types of games now why would i let you play when im about to rock jeno's shit," jaemin didn't even look over at you and continued to focus on the screen. "FUCKKKK JENO THOSE GODDAMN SHELLS. FUCK YOU DICKFACE”

jeno on the other hand glanced over at you, eyes never looking once at yours and instead focused straight on your plump titties popping right out of your push up bra. and he drove right off course, leaving jaemin to yelp in victory as he finished in 1st place.

"fuck you jaemin. here y/n you can play on my controller," jeno rolled his eyes and passed his controller to you. his character was already pink yoshi, making your heart melt because he knew that was your go to.

“thank you, jeno. at least some people are actually nice and considerate,” you rolled your eyes at your older brother.

"well okay you asked for it. prepare to get your ass kicked like our dear jen over there, y/n," jaemin said with an evil glint in his eyes.

as the game was about to start, you suddenly had an idea and paused the game. "wait jaem, i don't really know how to play. can you go easy on me?"

"hell no. you wanted to play with the big boys so now you gotta face the consequences."

you turned to look at jeno, who was very obviously just staring at your tits the entire time. "jeno, jaemin is being a bitch to me. can you teach me how to play since he doesn't want to go easy on me?" you tilted your head and pouted your lip in a way that you knew he liked.

you knew damn well how to play and beat the shit out of jaemin at mario kart but you also knew how good you looked right now and how this would be the perfect opportunity to tease your sexy boyfriend.

"aw hell no that's cheating, y/n," jaemin whined.

“too bad. it ain’t up to you, sore loser.” you gave jeno a smirk with a knowing look in your eyes.

"well i don't mind. plus you won the last round anyways, jaem," jeno spoke up, shifting around and subtlely fixing his sweatpants. you were teasing him so bad and it was going straight to his cock.

jaemin looked at jeno, then you, then right back at jeno, narrowing his eyes a bit. "hey since when did you two get so chummy?"

"jaemin stop being a bitch and let's just play. i don't even know how to play and jeno helping me isn't going to suddenly make me become a mario kart god."

jaemin rolled his eyes. "whatever man."

jaemin unpaused the game and the race started. you pretended to freak out, not knowing where to go as jaemin left you in the dust.

jaemin started laughing his ass off as he quickly climbed the ranks as you were left in dead last. "kiss my ass, y/n."

jeno leaned over to show you the controls but you took this opportunity to yank him to sit behind you, causing you almost be sitting in his lap as his arms wrapped you. "now show me the controls," you grinned evilly and shifted around so your ass rubbed against his dick.

jeno was stunned. doing this literally right in front of your brother? who forbade you two from ever seeing each other? he could just smell your sweet strawberry perfume, which had him wanting to just gobble you up. and your cute little outfit, god he just wanted to rip it right off of you and mark your body up, claim you as his. and not gonna lie, the thrill of being right next to your brother and his best friend had his heart pumping blood straight to his boner.

you both were lucky jaemin had tunnel vision when it came to video games, his face literally glued to the screen. otherwise he would've seen how your little white skirt rode up your thighs and your panties were literally grinding against his best friend's cock.

you let jeno take the controller and pretended to still be the one playing, occasionally screaming out curses at your brother and let out cheers when you hit him with shells. meanwhile you were really just shifting around on jeno's cock through his sweat pants as you ran your manicured nails up and down his veiny arms that were wrapped around you. his hands just looked so big and meaty on that controller, had you fantasizing about what they would be doing to you tonight.

as you neared the final lap, you in 6th place and jaemin in 2nd, you suddenly grabbed the controller out of jeno's hands and shoved him back beside you. he let out a loud grunt as he fell to the ground. jaemin suddenly took 1st place and finished the round. you were 8th. you gave jeno a fake apologetic look as he glared at you.

“oops,” you whispered, sticking your tongue out.

jaemin looked over at you and gave you a triumphant look. "now what did i tell you?"

you rolled your eyes and stood, your skirt rode up almost all the way and on the verge of exposing the little cream panties with red hearts on them that you knew jeno loved. the way jeno was sitting, you standing up gave him the perfect view of the way your puffy pussy fit in your little panties, making him even harder than before.

"whatever loser i'm heading back to my room. have fun being bitchless on a friday night." jaemin threw a pillow at your turned back. you sauntered back to your room, making careful sure to sway your hips as you knew jeno's eyes were trained straight on your ass.

it was 1 am and you were still up, bored out of your mind and scrolling through your phone. he should've been here by now, you pouted. you got frustrated and started ripping your clothes off, leaving you in just your push-up bra and panties when a voice from behind startled you.

"baby, you already starting without me? i'm hurt," jeno wrapped his arms around you, pressing his body against yours, and whispered softly in your ear, causing you to shiver.

you puffed out your cheeks. "waited for so long. was about to go to sleep because my shithead boyfriend left me needy over here."

jeno started groping at your body, squeezing your juicy tits and lightly grinding his erection against your barely clothed ass. "sorry sweet girl. jaem wouldn't fall asleep because that girl from his econ class finally texted him back, corny ass." he left a trail of kisses down your neck and sucked at a particular spot on your collar bone that had your knees weak.

you smiled to yourself. you couldn't pretend to be mad at him for long, not when you're so whipped for him. you turned around and looked up at him, admiring your sexy boyfriend. he finally listened to you and dyed his hair back to black, leaving it long and messy just how you like it. he was wearing a black compression shirt and grey sweatpants with the simple gold chain you bought him for his birthday. he knew just how you like it. what a fucking manwhore. you were ready to devour him whole.

you smashed your lips on his, messy and hot, tongue everywhere and spit dripping down your connected mouths. suddenly, you pushed him down on your bed and started straddling him, grinding your pussy directly on his cock through his sweatpants, causing him to groan into your mouth. one hand gripped at your hair and the other groped your ass.

"baby i need you. i missed you so much," you whispered, looking into his eyes.

he connected his lips to yours with a renewed fervor. clothes started flying off as you kissed each other passionately. he reached for a condom in your nightstand but you stopped him.

"raw baby. i need you in me right now." you grinned at him.

he cursed, flipped you over on your back and used his weight to press you against the mattress. his thick, muscular body pressing you to the mattress had you breathless and in need for more. "is my baby needy? is my baby needy for this cock?"

he reached down and began to lightly caress your pussy, gathering your leaking juices and spreading it around. his fingers teased your hole, rubbing circles around it and occasionally deciding to stick one in for one pump before going back to rubbing and teasing.

"had me thinking about this pussy all night. fuck. love you so much baby. you're so sexy and you get me so hard. no one does it for me like you. you looked so cute today, just wanted to eat you up. didn't care if that shithead was there, just wanted to love on my girl." he continued to tease your little pussy and alternate between fingering and rubbing you.

then he crawled down until he was facing your wet pussy directly. staring at your pussy like a piece of meat in front of starved lion, he gave one long lick all the way up your cunt and started sucking, making sure to make lewd noises. your legs were shaking with need as you gripped his hair.

"fuck you taste so good. all wet just for me. this pussy is mine," he groaned into your cunt.

at this point, your pussy was gushing so much you felt a puddle beneath you. his fingers and lips felt so so good on your pussy but you were tired of his teasing. you got up and suddenly looked down at him seriously. "jen if your cock isn't in me in the next 5 seconds i'm seriously going to break up with you and fuck haechan or something."

this lit a fire within jeno, whose eyes darkened. he lifted his body and gave his impossibly hard cock a few pumps, rubbing your juices all over his massive cock. he grabbed your thighs, lifted your legs over his shoulders, and shoved his cock into your little pussy with one big thrust.

you both moaned out, your pussy leaking happily as he bottomed out, balls deep. he set out on a fast past immediately, pounding your pussy deeper and harder with each thrust. you could feel his heavy balls slap against your ass.

"yes, jen yes yes yes! oh god more more! love you so much baby," you grabbed at his hair as he pounded your pussy into oblivion. in the deep mating press he had you in, you could feel the tip of his cock kissing your cervix with each thrust. his cock was just so so big, you could never get enough of it.

you could see the veins pop out of his neck and his beefy arms were pinning your hips down as his hips were pounding you with each powerful thrust. he looked so so so sexy and he was all yours.

"god baby your pussy was made for me. love you so so much. mine. all mine. everything about you all mine, just for me," jeno kissed you passionately, both moaning into each other mouths.

he used one of his hands to press down on your lower belly, making your pussy leak and throb around him. "you feel that, princess? you feel me deep in your tummy? only i can do that to you, only me."

your mind was blank at this point, body completely numb to everything except the pleasure he was giving you. you could feel yourself about to get sent over the edge, your pussy spasming and clenching hard around every vein on his cock.

"bout to cum baby don't stop don't stop!!" you orgasmed with a loud scream, pussy squirting all over his stomach.

jeno continued fucking you through your orgasm, grunting at the feeling of your little pussy spasming all over his cock. "baby m close too, fuckkk."

fat tears rolled down your face at the overstimulation of pleasure. "jen please cum inside please."

jeno groaned, thrusting every harder and deeper than before. "such a slut. you like that huh? you want your boyfriend to knock you up? you want to have a baby with your brother's best friend? fuck. how about you just get pregnant? he wouldn't be able to disapprove of us when you're already round and waddling around with my baby."

with one loud groan, he bottomed out inside of you and let out his thick load. he collapsed on top of you, cock still balls deep inside, crushing you under all his weight with your face pressed against his sweaty chest.

you stayed like that for a few seconds before you tapped on his back, signaling that you couldn't breathe. still keeping his cock deep inside your leaking pussy, he flipped you over on your side and cuddled your back, wrapping one arm around your waist and the other pushing your hair out of your face. you panted, eyes closed in bliss. jeno drew circles on your arms and left kisses up and down your jaw and neck.

"just saying, you would look sexy as fuck pregnant with our baby." jeno whispered.

you opened your eyes to turn back and swat at his chest but what you saw made your blood run cold in horror.

it was your brother standing right in the open doorway staring at your naked bodies with a look of fury, surprise, horror, and shock that you had never seen before.

the three of you screamed at the sight of each other in unison.

a/n: i intentionally wrote the ending like that because i'm unsure if anyone would even want to continue reading this lmaooo so lmk what you think

[miikapie]

"Its not gonna fit!" with Geto, Choso, Toji and Gojo! (NSFW)

Just posting this because ive been thinking about writing it for weeks. Enjoy this tiny drabble while I stress over college!

Cw:.. fem!reader x various jjk men, they're mean :(( (toji, gojo too kinda..), choso being too sweet, cunilingus (choso), bad grammar ofcourse, SEX SMASHING INTERCOURSE BABY MAKING FUCKING MAKING LOVE i hope you get the point.

/MDNI//NSFW UNDER THE CUT!!

Gojo is so mean to you. If you say absolutely anything related to his size, or not being able to accommodate to his girth, hes seizing the opportunity to brag and belittle you while doing so.

"Awh baby.. it can't fit? hmm? Is my cock too big? Its okay, cutie, I know I know.. Maybe we just need to pay attention to your little clit, and we'll stretch you out too yeah? Im gonna make sure your little cunt remembers every single one of my veins no matter how long it takes to get in aallllll the way."

Geto (sighs dreamily) I LOVE THIS MAN. Totally much nicer than Gojo, but unintentionally mind-breaks you. His voice btw is so sexy can you imagine how husky it is duirng the deed??? drooling rn.

"Oh, what was that? It wont fit, hm? Thats okay, love. We'll find our way around it. Just gotta stretch you out some more so i can hit that spot you love so much, mhm? Right there isnt it? Yeah, I can tell with the way you're tightening around me. Or what about this? Maybe I'll touch your clit a little more. God... I love seeing you like this. Thats a good girl.. lay down juuust like that. You dont need to think for yourself anymore when I've got you."

Toji is SO mean, and incredibly cocky. Despite knowing damn well he's way too big to bottom out immediately in you, he takes this opportunity be snarky fun of you while destroying your insides.

" 's too big? We'll make it fit, doll. Stop moving like that, you know its just gonna hurt more. Give it a few minutes and you'll be crying like a bitch in heat. Fine. I'll be nice i guess, but im still going all the way in. 's not my fault your pussy's too damn tight. Fuck.. so good.. Yeah, see? Told you you could take it, wipe those tears 'fa me and keep your legs up here on my shoulders, yeah?"

Nanami... ah. He tries so so hard to be nice to you, by slowly bullying his way in your walls, but no matter how many times you do the deed it seems like you can never keep up with his size

"Too much, honey? Its okay, sweetheart. Look, I'll put a pillow just under your back here.. and it'll make you feel much better. Whats that? Feels nicer now? Ill take it slow as always honey, just take your deep breaths... God.. you're always so tight... It feels nice when I touch you right here doesn't it?..Feels deeper? Yes, love, thats the pillow under your back helping you relax. We're gonna have to use that trick next time wont we? Thats it, sweet thing, see? Im almost bottomed out and you haven't even noticed at all."

Choso is too much of a sensitive lover to even think about ever possibly pushing your boundaries. If he ever heard you say anything along the lines of 'too big' he'd pull out immediately and instead eat you out as an apology. (even though you've told him its just something you said in the heat of the moment) (he still leaves you shaking tho.)

[skylarsblue]

✦Incorrect C.o.D Quotes Nine✦

(Sexual Implication) Ghost, trying to be sexy by whispering: Gaggin’ for it, aren’t ya, love? Soap: Nope. Ghost: No? Soap: I don’t gag on anything. Ghost: *404 Error* Soap: …Ghost? Si? Simon, are you alright?

-- Y/N: Let’s play a word association game! Ghost: Why? Y/N: Because I saved your ass last mission and I’m bored, so you owe me. Ghost: *sigh* Fine. Y/N: P e r f e c t . Gaz: ?? Y/N: Cold. Ghost: Winter. Y/N: Spring. Ghost: Mattress. Y/N: Soft. Ghost: Comfortable. Y/N: Pleasant. Ghost: Sunset. Y/N, With a shit eating grin: Beautiful. Ghost, unconsciously: Johnny- Y/N: YES Gaz: OHHHHHH Ghost: Soap: *gasp* Simon!~ Ghost: I’m going to go crash in a heli. Y/N: I KNEW IT I KNEW IT-

-- Alex: Bitch do you want me to jump across this table? Because I don’t have all day for this. Norris: You feeling froggy? Leap. Alex: Okay, well here I come- Farah: Alex no, no- hOLD OFF

-- (NSFW Joke) Y/N: Oh sorry. I almost drank out of your cup. Soap: Wh-Just go ahead, it won’t matter! Y/N: Well I- Yeah no, you’re right. I’ve drank out of your cups dozens of times. Soap: We’ve sucked the same dick- Y/N: That’s a good point! Ghost: ….*sigh*

-- Gaz: What kind of girl do you like? Soap: My wife. Gaz: And you? Ghost: Johnny’s wife. Gaz: OH- Price, knowing they recently started a poly situation: Pfft-

-- (Use of the word pussy because haha) Gaz, filming: Pffft- Soap: Shhshh- Y/N in the hallway: FORTY THREE FUCKING CENTS! AHHHHH Soap: *wheeze* Y/N: I NEED A SUGAR DADDY!! Gaz: PFFFT- Soap: I can’t breathe- Y/N: At this rate I’m ready to plaster my fuckin’ pussy on the sidewalk for some sPARE CHANGE! Gaz & Soap: *doing that silent cackle thing and smack each other in the arm* Ghost, leaning into the room: What the f- Y/N: SPAARE CHANGE, SPARE CHANGE! ANYONE GOT ANY SPARE CHAAANGE?! Gaz: *coughing* Soap: Steamin’ Jesus I’m fucking crying- Y/N, passing by the room: 🎵Walkin’ in a winter wonderlaaaand🎶

-- Y/N: Would you love me? Gaz: Y/N: Gaz: Y/N: Gaz: Would I love you if…? Y/N: nO ThAt wAs tHE QuesTiOn-

-- Y/N: Pretty boy! With me I said! Rudy: Rudy: Rudy: Oh I’m pretty boy! Y/N: Yes! Oo that came out a bit quick- (Also works with Soap & Gaz, honestly)

-- (THIS IS A CONCEPT IM TOO WHIMPY TO WRITE, SO HAVE IT HERE! THIS COULD WORK WITH SO MANY CHARACTERS Also, NSFW warning) Ghost: I don’t miss. Y/N, on his ear piece: Never? Even with distractions? Ghost: *turns his scope* Not ever. *just about to take a shot* Y/N: Hmm…what if I went… Mm Simon~ Ghost: *misses* Y/N: Ya missed. Ghost: Cheeky bitch…

-- Gaz: Alright, so, since we’re now in America and we have some time to kill, I went and I got you something. Y/N: Aww Gaz, you really didn’t have to- Gaz: *puts down their Whataburger order* Y/N: OH MY GOD Price: Really? Gaz: *shrug* Soap: *snickering as Y/N Fucking demolishes some fries* Y/N, having the time of their life: Garrick you ever need your dick sucked, a dead body buried, a beer or whatever, you call me. I got’chu Gaz: BAHA- Soap: *wheeze* Ghost: Are you fucking crying? Y/N with their mouth full: I missed it so much.

-- (Team bonding exercises) Soap: You’re a football player, it’s in ya blood! Gaz: That’s racist. Soap: Your soul? Gaz: That’s racist! Soap: …your eyes? Gaz: That’s gay- Soap: That’s homophobic. Gaz: That’s black. Soap: That’s racist!! Gaz: Damn- (this one is extra funny since Gaz is now confirmed LGBT)

-- Gaz: You overrated little twink! Soap: Hey I am a TWUNK, alright?! That is a combination, twink, and HUNK, get it?? Hunk-

-- Soap: Hey~ Fem!Y/N: You’re Gay. Soap: …oh yeah. Soap: *looks at Ghost* Soap: Hey.~ Ghost: *sigh*

-- Soap: I’m gonna have to meet men lying down. Y/N: …I thought’cha did?? Soap: OI!

-- Soap: Everyone says what a giving person I am! Y/N: He’s talking about when you’re in an upright position.

-- Graves: What if there’s a connection? Y/N: I think there’s a connection between your brain and wallpaper paste.

-- Shepard: Now you’re always ornery, rude, unpleasant, and sometimes downright mean. That’s part of your charm. Y/N: Thank you, you colluding-county-hopping-idiotic-relic. Price: *pride*

-- Alex: Oh my god, how are you such a good driver? Soap: Because there’s illegal shit in here. Alex: Soap: Because if I don’t use my turn signal, we’re both gonna do fifteen. Because I am going to lie and say yours. Alex: ….. Soap: Put your seatbelt on, sweetheart. Alex: *clicks it in places* Soap: You are not safe!

-- (Sucking dick joke) Kidnapper: You’re gonna do as I say or I will make you regret ever being born. Y/N: Oh please, I’ve sucked dicks more intimidating than you. Soap: Oh this is why Simon was the way he was after we rescued you both last time.

-- Soap, shoving marshmallows in his mouth: This isn’t very ha-*chokes* MILF!Y/N, across the fucking base: ….*mom instinct* Price: ??? Ghost: Uh- Y/N: Something just happened. Kyle: PFFT-

-- MILF!Y/N: *letting Soap & Gaz lean on her while Price and Ghost stand close behind* Untrue. I’m a mother now. It’s really changed my perspective. Graves: And do you find it hard juggling life and a career? Y/N: You can juggle these nuts.

-- Soap: *rambling* Soap: Agh, sorry, I’m just goin’ on and on- Ghost: Oi, keep talking before I kick your ass. Soap: ….. Gaz: See? This is exactly what I m-where the fuck are these flower petals coming from?? ARE THOSE SPARKLES??

[rzyraffek]

Slashers with y/n that just gets along with everything

Like slasher could litteraly kill somone near y/n and she would be like alr alr whats really important is that you are happy🤠😎. Im sorry that first 2character had super long headcanons while last ones have way less :( I had no ideas Request open!

Billy Lenz

He always expects some sort of negative response when he calls people and when he heard new voice on the Phone he got even more exited cuz new person new reaction! He totally didnt expect her to just go "yeah yeah sure buddy, anyways... how is your day man? Cuz im so so tired...*starts normal converstation*

He probably tries to stay in character but he is so caught of Guard he doesnt know how to react really (hehe the table has turn)

Now he kinda hopes that she will pick up cuz shes very intresting😈 billy likey

"Ew its this creep again! He is asking for you y/n? Of please dont tell me you befriended him??" "So what? He said hes favourite fruit is strawberry he cant be that bad!" *billy saying slurs on the phone*

You need to constantly tell him that, no Billy no harrasing women isnt sexy, you arent quirky, you are mentally ill

"Y/n i killed that bitch that was gossiping about you 🧍 " "👍good for you billy im glad you found healthy way to cope with that negative emotion😇" "on god"

His whole moral compass is created around the simple question 'does it hurt y/n?' .1:no it doesnt so feel free to do it .2 do not do it, she will ban Billy from sweets (bad ending)

The man from hush

This guy. This dude. This Little gremlin. He is upset that he gets no reaction! Like please oh please act all angy when he 'acidently' shot tire in her car! But oh no ofc no, she had to be like "oh its okay honey i have backup in garage🥰" hes like HHUH SINCE WHEN WE HAVE GARAGE

Like tbh thats how i imagine how they met: he saw her, he wanted to hunt her, she was so chill that she didnt even leave her household while the power was off and he went inside and just saw her having lil nap on couch. 🧍🤨erm exuse me gurl im trying to roleplay epic hunter here tf

He probably kidnaped her cuz she was too weird to just kill her but he didnt want to risk her calling police. He probably tied her up and yeeted her on backseats. And then she begun judging music on the radio"yo big guy can i get some good music taste?" "What? Whats wrong with Taylor Swift?"

He will overshare everything to kinda check where is her limit if it comes to being chill "yeah so i killed this old lady.." "im sure you had good reason🥰" "🤨... anyways... yeah so i was drinking some redbull when some guy said i look ugly so i shoot his head off and-" "HEY HEY hold up geez you CANT drink Energy drinks?? Bestie you know it is unhealthy?? Also you like hunt for sport it will ruin your condition!? How you gonna shoot people with shakey hands?? You crazy or something?" "Damn😔"

Micheal myers

I tried to put him here but i realised he will be as chill as her.

Like he can give her gifts covered in blood and she' just going to clean it and wear it like nothing happened or completley ignore it

He cares about this stuff as much as y/n so like not at all. I mean tbh theres is a bit of difrence: shes at least positive about it! Like "yeah micheal go for it, love🥰😇 i know its hard to cope with trauma take it all out alr?" Shes trying to be a good supporting gf not her fault she never had serial killer bf!

Brahms Heelshire

He lives for attention! What do you mean the war crime he commited this lunch break is okay!?!? Baby pleasee

But this negativity disapears the moment he realised he can get a lot of positive attention when he will do some nice stuff! "Oh honey I didnt kill any rats today" "oh that's amazing brahms I'm sure you and the rats inside walls will get along well soon🥰" (rats in walls bully brahms)

Please complement him or he will get a tantrum and destroy something

Brahms and rats have very hard past i might do seperate hc about that

Ghostface

"Look babe! My newest victim *shows photo*" "ugh baby...😰 you NEED to buy new camera or watch some youtube tutorials about how to take good photos" "aw man whats wrong with my pictures 😔"

Otherwise y/n supports his hobbies! People need to grow😇 (and he needs to grow up)

If theres 2ghostfaces(like in most movies) they will bet money on how long you gonna keep this 'do whatever as long as youre happy' act. Well they didnt know that this wasnt an act but her personality

Also they will probably try to use this chillnes aginst her like "oooh y/n something terrible happened! I crushed my car oh what will i do!" "Alr bestie i will drive you over there😇" "😈omg you are so nice i totally didnt expect that(heheh i dont need to pay for gas today (hes very evil))

[miyaheestar]

live reaction to the pack wedding audio

KISS SJSGJS DAVID KISS HAIII HAI DAVID 🥺🥺🥺

"i just want a little time with you today, before everything goes crazy" MSHSMHDMSHSM IM GONNA GO INSANE

IM GOING INSANE IM IM GOING IM INSANE IM ACTUALLY DGINGSJSYSISGSKGAJA

"how are you feeling?" NOT GOOD MY BODY TEMPERATURE IS HIGH IM GOING INSANE FYM YOU TOO

"WE MADE IT" WHAT IF I DONT MADE IT WHAF IF I CRY WHAT IF YOU DIE DO NAWT SAY YOU LOVE ME I WILL CRY DAVID SHAW I WILL ACTUALLY CRY SO HARD

"WE'RE GETTING MARRIED TODAY"HE SOUNDS SO FUCKING HAPPY AND SOFT IM ACTUALLY CRYING IM NOT NAWT OKAY IM NOT PLS DONT DO THIS TO ME PLS

"beautiful" i haven't showered and i didn't sleep and it's 7 am in the morning are you blind

"you are. especially first thing in the morning. still all sleepy and cuddly and relaxed. im the luckiest man in the world to get to see it everyday.. for the rest of my life" do you want me to die?

MGSMSGSMSHSM I WANNA CRY SEND HELP SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOSBSOSBSOSBSOSJSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOWIS

pls i will actually cry

"you fucking menace" IM YOUR MENACE HAH

KISS

ASHER ASHER ASHER ASHER ASHER ASHER ASHWR ASHWR ASHERA AHEEDHA ASHER AHSER ASHW AAGE

oh he eepy baby 🥺

good morning asher 🥺

"oh my god it's actually today holy shit it's actually happening" HE'S LIKE ME FOR REAL FOR REAL

"when did you wake up" you think i sleep?

WOAHWOAHWOAHWOAH SEXY?? AYO I KNOW I AM SEXY

"IM GONNA BE YOUR HUSBAND" WHAT IF I CRY WHAT IF I CRY WHA IF I ACTUALLY LOSE IT THEN WHST IF I DIE WHAT IF YOU DIE OH GOD DON'T DIE ASHER PLEASE

IM TEARING UP DONT DO THIS TO ME

ASHER I LOVE YOU SO MUCH WHY YOU'RE NOT REAL

"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABE" I SAID IT FIRST SO THAT MEANS I LOVE YOU MORE

DAMN RIGHT ASHER DAMN RIGHTTTTT

"about the person who matters to me more than anything else in the whole damn world" STOP STOP THIS OFFICER OFFICER A WEREWOLF TRYNNA SEDUCE ME HE TRYNNA SEDUCE ME SIR I WILL DIE SIR IM BEING SEDUCED

okay scene change

SAM AND ASHER AUGSUAGUAGUAGUAGAUFAUAGAHHUFAHHHH

"mate pairs shouldn't see each other in the morning" DAMN RIGHT SO TRUE HEWL YEAHHH

MILOOOOOO MY BIG.. um SMALL BIG BOY

"grouchy grandpa" HELPPPP "now don't you start." HELLAGSISGSKSG HAHAHAHAHA

"oh my mistake" YOU'RE SO SASSY

... ITS JUST SILENCE HELPP IM CRYING

ERIK PLEASE HAHAHAHAHA YOU'RE SO 😭😭😭

ERIK BODOH LAH KAU NI 😭😭😭😭

HELP PLEASE ENOUGH SILENCE PLS THIS IS WAY TOO FUNNY I'LL THROW UP

IM CRYING

STOP THIS

IT'S TOO LONG STOP THE SILENCE ERIK I WILL EAT YOUR HAIR AND YOU'LL BE BALD

ERIK

LMAO MILO NOT THE WARNING

CHRISSY

"are you trying to look like you got married in wind tunnel" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HELPPP MILO PLEASE

"im fine.. i-im not" ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO

aww grandpa sam 🥺🥺🥺

AWWW DAVID HELPING ASHER

"david, can i ask you something?"

STOP STIP SRSOSO STIP SFOP STOP BITCH STOP I WIWLL CRY

"well i did" DO YOU WABT ME TO KILL EVERYONE THEN MYSELF

im not okag im not ojay im not okay I AM NOT OKAY

i cant do this I'll actually pass out

i cant

im hypervinelantagwtbf

"my dad-" SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP DAVID SHAW SHUT UP

"i picked you because you're the one person i trust more than anyone else. you made me feel safe." I WILL ACTUALLY LOSE IT

I WILL LOSE IT

I WILL NO

I WIGSKSGWK

I AM GONNA CRY

"i was a decent alpha but i wasn't a very good friend" so you want me to kill myself

i am genuinely gonna cry

THEY'RE HUGGING IM GONNA CRYYYYYYY IN GONANNAHSGSISFWKSFISV IM NOT OKAY

"ash euw" I LOVE THAT

MILO DO NAWT HURT MA MAN I WILL EAT YOUR REMAINING HEIGHT

MILO SPEECH

"how much does it pay" BOSGSISGSJGAHAGAGAGAGAHAHAGAHA STAPH

what if i jump

i will jump

i won't

i will

i wont

I WILL SOB I WILL WIBSUSVWKSGSJ STOPAHSGSOGSOSGS

IM GETTING MARRIED YALL

IM IM IM IM

IM GONNA GET MARRIED

it sounds like asher and david getting married LMAO

"um" classic opening

asher if you cry YOU BETTER BE CRYING okay he's gonna cry

what if asher dies after his vows

I WILL BE A WIDOW OH GOD

"i love you" IM GONNA KILL MYSELF AND EAT ERIK'S HAIR

so it's just silence and giggles for babe's speech

got it

it's okay i love asher's giggles

"angel" I WILL JUMP BRO

I WILL

I WILL

I WONT IM SCARED OF HEIGHTS

david please cry

PLEASE CRY

GO FULL ON SOBBING

why guy is not angel's brother

HE'S CRYING YALL CHEERS

CHEERS

and he's laughing too

BUT HE'S CRYING YEAYYYYY

LMAO MILO HAHAHAHAGAHA PLEASEEEE

IT SOUNDS LIKE ASHER AND DAVID KISSING WOAH

... I NEED MORE

ERIK ERIK ERIKSON

[cutecherrygirl]

Sunoo - Gummy bears and pleasure

Warnings: Smut, if you dont like when somone uses food in bed dont read this please 🙄😒😗, Oral sex

You are laying on your bed while Sunoo is in the shower. Your bare back is pressed against the soft sheets on the bed, your shirt is tossed somewhere in the room along with your night shorts. You're laying in only bra and panties. Your hair is wet since you took a shower before Sunoo and You're scrolling through your phone while eating gumny bears.

You pop the red gummy bear in your mouth tasting the sweet and sour cherry flavour. Few moments later, you hear the shower turn off and wet steps around the bathroom, you turn your head to the door and wait for your boyfriend to come out of the bathroom.

You loved watching Sunoo without short on, its your favourite thing, he doesn't have abs or muscles but was still shaped like greek god. He is so entirely beautiful and gorgeous. And the best of all, he is only yours.

The door handle of the bathroom shake slightly and the door opened revealing Sunoo with wet hair, one towel wrapped around his waist and one around his neck, he is followed by white steam from the hot shower he took. He looked so damn sexy. You bit your lip and went back to look at your phone.

Sunoo layed on the bed next to you and put his arm behind his head to rest his head on it, the other hand on his stomach and his eyes shot close.

"Give me one" he commanded and opened his mouth right after, you looked at him confused but then realised he is talking about gummy bears "get it yourself" you say with a smile. You liked teasing him, its fun to see his reactions, you both are sassy towards each other.

Sunoo sighed annoyed and reached his hand out to take handful of gummy bears but you took the bag and put it on the other side of the bed, out of his reach with a giggle.

"I swear" Sunoo Sighed again and just stayed still, you pout when you see he doesn't care at all, but then you get an idea. You take few gummy bears and place them on your stomach creating a line "baby" you say in seductive tone and Sunoo opens his eyes and looks at you his eyes immediately going to your stomach. You continue making line out of gumny bears, the line went from your chest down to your hips.

"Im not a dog, bitch" Sunoo said and you laughed "dog? Who called you that? This is just for fun". Sunoo chuckled and lifted himself from the laying position and on top of you (not laying on you) and kissed your lips. You kissed him back feeling water drops from his hair and on your forehead, Sunoo bit your lip and suck it right after which made you moan into the kiss.

Sunoo went down and kissed your chin then kissed from your chin to your jaw then down to your neck, he took his sweet time teasing you before going down to your breasts. Sunoo bit the fabric of your bra cup and pull it down with his teeth to reveal your right boob. You ran your fingers through his wet hair amd push his towards your exposed breast "relax" Sunoo said in low tone before wrapping his plump lips around your nipple and sucking it slightly. You leaned your head back and let out a soft gasp arching your back to press yourself more into Sunoo's mouth. Sunoo smirked and brushed his teeth around your nipple followed by his tongue. You felt like he could bite your nipple off any second but you knew he won't because who tf would do that 💀

He glanced up to see your head leaned back and your lip between your teeth, he went up and pecked your chin "you look so beautiful baby" he said in low voice before going down to your stomach and finally eating some gummy bears. He took each gummy bear in his mouth and chewed it slowly to tease you. When he got to the last gummy bear, he sucked it into his mouth and kept it there.

He looked at your white panties with mini ribbon in the middle and lace around it and smiled. He bit the fabric of your panties and pulled them down exposing you completely. Sunoo tossed the gummy bear in his mouth for a bit before sliding it between his lips and on your clit, the gumny bear us still pretty hard so it puts some pressure on "mhm" you moaned quietly and Sunoo smirked before pressing his lips against your clit and sucking it gently, the action made your hips jerk up a bit and Sunoo laughed "relax baby, or ill have to tie you down" he moved his mouth to your hole and slide his tongue in while pressing the gummy bear on your clit with his nose. You moved your body more down to ride his tongue but he wrapped his arm around your hips to keep you in place, he pushed two fingers inside you and start moving them in and out while sucking your clit and gumny bear. "Yes! Just like that!" You moaned and ran your fingers through his hair again and pushed his head more down which he didn't mind. "Im close" you whined and he Kept doing his tang, your back left the softness of the sheets as you arch it "Yes!!" You moaned loudly and came in Sunoo's mouth, he licked you dry before going up to you and pecking your lips, he slipped the gummy bear between his lips letting you bite off half of it so you can share (so romantic 😒).

He layed his hips between your thighs and kissed your lips passionately. He felt your legs vibrating from the previous activity and smiled to himself. "Do you want me to suck you off?" You whispered against his lips "No, I want to fuck you" he whispered back and went back to kissing you hungrily. You slide the towel off his hips using your legs, when the towel fell on the ground his dick flew up and hit his stomach. He grind his dick against your entrance few times before pushing inside. "Fuck" he groaned and bit your shoulder "why the fuck are you so tight still?" He asked and you just moaned and moved your hips against his making him start moving on his own.

He fucked his hips into yours hard and fast, you dig your nails into his back "Yes!! Oh my god baby!" You cried out as Sunoo ran his fingers through your hair and pull it backwards along with your head, he sucked your neck and throat while your crying of pleasure. After few moments, he flipped you on your stomach and smacked your ass before gripping your hips and holding them up so your ass is in the air then pounding into you again "God, you feel so good" Sunoo moaned and gripped your hips harder leaving red finger prints all over them, You try holding yourself up using your arms but failed and collapsed back into bed, Sunoo watched you while smirking, he ran his fingers through your hair again and pushed your head down into thr matress "you're such a good girl baby" he said softly abd increased his pace "you like when I fuck you hard and good? You like having my dick inside your wet hole?" He said as he gripped your hair, he was getting more turned on by his own words "are you going to cum for me baby?" You could only moan in response, you couldn't find words to say. Sunoo gripped your hips harder and pounding into you even faster and deeper "AHH!!!" You screamed "YES!! YES!!" you gripped the bed sheets as hard as you can, with one last thrust Sunoo cumes inside you and you with him. Sunoo pressed his hips against your ass for a few more moments, he felt his thighs shake slightly from all the pleasure "you did so well baby" he breathed out before collapsing next to you. You layer on your stomach trying to calm down from intense pleasure.

"Was I too rough?" Sunoo asked as he caressed your back with his fingers, you shook your head "no, it was perfect" you whispered before sitting up on your knees.

"Should we take shower, again?" You smiled down at him and he chuckled "lets chill a bit first" he said before pulling you on top of his and laying your head on his chest, you closed your eyes and sighed happily "i love you" you whispered "I love you too" he whispered back and kisses your head.

The whole time I was writing this, I imagined Sunoo with crown on his head lmfao 😭😭

[dewdrops-whammy-bar]

Anesthesia Ramblings

Dew gets top surgery and says some things while loopy on anesthesia.

(Not part of mushy may, though I’m considering writing something for it.)

Words: 877

Rating: T

Warning: mild description of surgery and medical procedures

Dew’s surgery had gone well, the doctor had told him as she‘d led Aether to Dew’s recovery room. She’d waited until the door was closed before letting him know that they’d had a few problems regarding the more supernatural elements of Dew’s body, but they were able to work around them.

Surgery on ghouls was extremely uncommon. Quintessence was the main tool in helping ghouls heal from sickness or injuries, so they rarely needed a physical procedure. Not to mention, ghouls couldn’t hold a glamour while unconscious. Their bodies healed themselves very quickly as well, which wasn’t ideal in surgery.

Through a stroke of luck, one of the few top surgeons in Sweden was a Clergy member. She’d previously lived at the Ministry headquarters, so she had full knowledge of the existence of ghouls. She had pulled together a surgical team who were willing to operate on a ghoul.

As a precaution, they had to have a Quintessence ghoul in the operating room to make sure Dew’s body didn’t try to fight the surgery. Omega had volunteered- he was the oldest Quint, had the most medical experience, and wasn’t about to let Aether go through the experience of watching his husband get cut open.

But now Dew was safe and sound, newly boobless and knocked out in the hospital bed. Aether was happy to have Dew back, but he was a little frustrated at how long it was taking for him to wake up. The doctor had assured him Dew would be fine despite the higher dose of anesthesia needed to knock him out, but Aether was still anxious.

He reached over and took Dew’s hand, lacing his fingers with the other man’s. He instinctively gave it three gentle squeezes- I love you.

Dew’s fingers twitched and Aether released his hand, worried he’d caused Dew pain. Then Dew’s hand moved again and he let out a soft grunt.

“Dew?” Aether asked, touching his husband’s arm. “Can you hear me?”

Dew grunted again in response. He moved his head to the side and cracked his eyes open. Aether smiled brightly.

“Hi, love. How do you feel?” Aether took Dew’s hand again.

“I…” Dew mumbled. “You’re… nice. But I… married. Sorry.”

“Yeah, married to me.” Aether snorted. He sneakily pulled his phone out of his pocket and started taking a video- the rest of the pack would definitely want to see this. It wasn’t every day that Dew was off his ass on anesthesia.

“Nooo…” Dew rolled his head back and forth, his eyes still barely open. “He’s… big. Strong. Makes good…” he trailed off, seemingly searching for a word. “Yellow fruit. Bread out of that.”

“Banana bread?” Aether chuckled.

“That’s the bitch.” Dew mumbled. Aether snorted.

“Alright, tell me more about your husband. He sounds pretty cool.” Aether teased.

“‘S… strong. Biiiiig arms. Size of… damn big arms.” Dew tried to gesture but couldn’t manage to lift his hands more than a few inches off the bed. “Sexy. Ooooh… he plays guitar, too. He’s sooo cool.” Dew grinned sleepily.

“Mhm. You really love this guy, don’t you?” Aether chuckled. Dew nodded emphatically.

“Mmm… love ‘im lots. He’s reeeeally hot.” Dew giggled. “Good ass. Better dick.” He yawned and nuzzled into his pillow. “Fuckin’… balls, too. Real set of hangers on ‘im.”

“Yeah?” Aether could barely contain his laughter. “Anything else about him?”

“Mmmm… no. You can’t have him.” Dew replied stubbornly. “‘M sleep now. Night.”

“Alright, goodnight.” Aether chuckled and patted Dew’s hand. He ended the video, looked over at Dew (who was now drooling on the pillow), and burst into giggles.

He’d never let Dew live this one down.

—

“I said what?” Dew asked incredulously. He’d woken up from his nap fully lucid and immediately demanded food, which Aether had delivered from the hospital cafeteria. He’d devoured his tasteless burger with surprising speed, considering he couldn’t move his arms very much.

“Let’s see… you said I made good banana bread, had nice arms, and had, and I quote, ‘a real set of hangers.’” Aether grinned, another round of giggles threatening to make its way out of him.

“The fuck does that mean?” Dew snorted, taking a cautious bite of a lukewarm fry and making a face. “Ugh, these have like, no salt on them.”

“You wanna see the video?” Aether handed over his phone. Dew watched the video, his expression slowly morphing into one of surprise and horror.

“Oh no.” Dew muttered. He handed Aether’s phone back to him, glaring as the other man laughed at his horrified face. “This can never see the light of day, understand?”

“Uh… about that…” Aether composed himself, though he was still grinning.

“You didn’t.” Dew gasped and tried to grab the phone back with his T-Rex arms. “Give it!”

“For the record,” Aether laughed, slipping his phone back into his pocket. “The general consensus was that ‘hangers’ was an excellent way to describe my balls.”

“I want a divorce.” Dew huffed, pointedly turning back to his food.

[mewhenimanangel]

cherry, eren jaeger

—synopsis. historia and annie go after you after finding out about your night with eren

—chapter 5 ౨ৎ

𝜗𝜚 content!: au-high school, ballet dancer, teenage romance, black reader, cheesy romance

previous ౨ৎ next ౨ৎ

lana slept over at your house that night. she made you share and reenact every detail of what happened with you and eren. you both even screamed and giggled when he texted you asking if you got home safe.

"girls quiet down!" your mom shouted from downstairs. "sorry!" you both giggled. she went on to tell you about connie asking her on a date next weekend and how they had a steamy make out in one of the bedrooms, she reenacted that for you too.

once lana was sleeping, you texted eren until you fell asleep too.

the next morning you woke up and went on your phone and your heart sunk. on annie's profile was screenshot of a picture of you and eren on the couch, the night before. the caption read "when a slut bitch dates the dance teacher's son to get a solo 🤣"

"what the fuck??" you furrowed your brows. "what's going on?" lana turned to face you. you showed her your screen. "there's no way, that bitch is asking to get her ass beat" she grabbed your phone and screenshot the story before texting annie 'what the fuck??'

"i bet that bitch historia posted that too. i saw them at the party, they must've seen you and eren together" she said.

you checked your phone to see if annie answered but all she had done was open your message and then block you. "her ass is scared as fuck. she's probably mad as hell that armin stopped fucking with her after historia and eren broke up" lana said.

"oh my god this is so embarrassing. i literally look like a slut" you said, looking at the picture again. "no you don't" she put her hand on your thigh. "if you 'look' anything, it's sexy as fuck" she said making you smile. "im just worried like what if ms jeager sees that and takes the solo from me" you sighed. "take the solo from you for kissing a boy?"

"a boy that's literally her son" you deadpanned. "no she won't care you know she likes you. i'm sure she'll think it's a misunderstanding or something" lana rubbed your shoulder. "yeah i guess. definitely not looking forward to tomorrow though. historia's in my sociology class" you groaned. "fuck that bitch" was all lana had to say.

the next day during class, you could feel historia's glare burning into the back of your head. you decided you weren't gonna say anything and just put the whole thing behind you, the story's expired by now anyways.

when class was over, you packed up your stuff and head for the door. historia walked by you and bumped you with your elbow "oops" she feigned an apologetic voice before turning around to leave the room. you scoffed before leaving class too.

eren rolled his eyes as he saw historia walk up to his locker. "hi" she smiled at him. he rolled his eyes "what." his tone was cold. "aw don't be like that" she whined. "literally what do you want from me?" he furrowed his brows and put his books in his locker.

"i miss you" she frowned, putting a hand on his arm. he scoffed, she was being so ridiculous all he could do was laugh and move his arm from her touch. "we're not fucking doing this again. i made it clear that we're done. leave me alone" he shut his locker, holding his books down by his side, beginning to walk away.

he turned back around to her for a second "oh and leave y/n alone too. i saw that bullshit you posted, it's fucked up and you know damn well that shit is not true" he said to her before heading to class. "i don't know why you don't just go fuck that gay friend of yours. you're both clearly in love with each other. find yourself and leave me alone" he told her off.

yesterday, connie had shown him a screenshot of annie's story that lana sent to him. eren's heart sunk and he grabbed his phone to text you, wondering if you'd seen it.

eren 🎀: hey

have you seen that picture going around

you: yeah...i'm pissed the fuck off

eren 🎀: yeah

shit is weird idk what annie's doing but i feel like it has to do with historia

you: great 😐

eren 🎀: listen i'm sorry, i'll talk to her

i don't even know who took that picture

you okay?

you: i mean yeah i'm fine but what if your mom sees that

eren 🎀: i'm sure she won't and if she does i'll just explain it to her.

don't worry, she's not gonna like cut you from your solo or something.

she doesn't really know about us

but she is suspicious of it lmao

you: lol

yeah you're probably right i'm just anxious

historia's probably ready to kill me

eren 🎀: nah i'll talk to her

you walked into math class to see eren already at your table. your heart rate kind of picked up, this was the first time you'd seen him since you made out on that couch.

eren smiled once he saw you walk in. today you were back in the uniform skirt, this time with a crewneck over it. you had on the sneakers you wore on friday and your hair was bound back by a white headband.

he was excited to see you again, you didn't leave his mind at all after saturday night. you actually managed to make him look forward to a math class.

"morning" you smiled at him as you sat down in your seat. "hey princess" he sat up. "hm, that one's still going strong?" you smiled. "for you of course"

"by the way, i talked to historia. i think she'll leave you alone now. them taking and posting that picture is so stupid" he shook his head. "it's whatever" you shrugged.

as math class went on, you and eren talked before being told to be quiet by mr ryan. you focused on the lesson as much as you could until you noticed eren nonchalantly moving his hand closer to yours.

you bit your cheek in a grin as you slowly brushed yours against his too, hand moving to touch his. he slowly placed his hand to slightly hold yours, he grazed his thumb over a spot on your knuckles. you turned to see him staring at the board with a smirk on his face, and shook your head.

your mind raced to saturday night's events and the kiss. his touch was so intoxicating, you wanted to kiss him again, maybe even more than just that..

the bell rung and you gathered your things. "i've got dance today. wish me luck with annie, i already know she told the other girls" you rolled your eyes.

"you'll be fine. if anything i'll come save you" he nudged your shoulder. "ugh please do" you smiled as you turned down the other direction of the hallway.

you and lana walked into the studio and dropped your bags down. you looked over to see annie whispering something to mina as they both looked over at you.  you rolled your eyes "that bitch better cut it out. her busted ass pirouette is why she didn't get the solo" lana joked as she watched annie warm up.

ms jeager walked into the room and you saw annie dart her gaze over to you. "everyone in positions let's get warmed up" she said. "y/n can you come here please? i'd like to speak to you" she said, lana gave you a worried look. you heard giggles from behind you as you followed her out of the room.

"so...i've heard some rumors" she started off. you sighed, knowing what the rumors in question were.

"listen, i picked you for the solo because you're extremely talented and i love the style you dance. i did not pick you because of whatever is going on between you and my son. i had no idea there was even something going on. is there...something going on?"

"no" your voice came out a lot less confident than you'd hoped, "i mean not really?"

"are you asking me?" she chuckled. "listen whatever my son's got you wrapped up in has nothing to do with your solo" she told you and you nod your head. "just don't let it distract you. you've done some great work these last few weeks. you can go join the others, i'll have a chat with annie"

once practice was over, you went to the private rehearsal room to work on your solo. eren went to say hello to his mom before walking around to look for you. he peered into the rehearsal room and saw you dancing. today you were in grey yoga pants with pink leg warmers and a white tank top. eren loved your outfits, everything you wore always suited you so beautifully.

"maybe you should take a break" you heard from behind you. you smiled through a pant, pausing the music "who says i haven't?" "i know you haven't, you hungry?" he asked you. "i'm not eating till i finish practicing." you told him.

he squint his eyes, fine. he wouldn't push you, he'll just give you the sub sandwich he bought for you on the way here later. he moved into the room, dropping his bag before sitting down on the floor by the wall.

"don't you have basketball practice today?" you asked him, stretching your feet to continue.  "i just came from there"

you turned to acknowledge his attire, grey sweatpants with a hoodie that had the school's name on it. his hair was more out of place than usual, you liked this laid back look on him.

"you know you're coming here a lot more often lately, it's getting a little suspicious" you smiled.

"hm, i better not let annie see me" he joked, making you laugh.

he stayed sitting there until you decided you were done practicing. he ate the sandwich he'd bought for himself and listened to music. he looked up from his phone when you stopped the music and began taking off your dance shoes. "don't those hurt?" he asked you. "oh they absolutely do" you sighed.

you packed your things, putting on your jacket and a pair of slides on your feet. "i got you a sandwich by the way" eren said, grabbing the bag from his backpack. "aww thank you, god i'm starving" he handed you the bag before holding the door open for you.

once you guys were in his car, you opened the bag to eat your sandwich. "you wanna put some music on?" he offered. "sure" you connected your phone to his car and put on some music.

"by the way, what are you doing this weekend?" he asked you. "probably just work and going to the studio, why?"

"you know mikasa right?" "yeah, i mean like know of her at least" you shrugged. "she's having a birthday party on saturday, i get to bring a plus one"

"are you asking me to be your plus one?" you smiled. "i'm asking you to be my date yes" he nod his head. "sure then yes i will be your date. what do i wear?" "it's roaring 20s themed" he told you.

"oh i have the perfect thing for that" you pulled out your phone to look for a picture of the long black sparkly dress you'd bought a couple months ago.

you saw eren's smirk grow as he looked at the picture "what?" "you look amazing in that, you should for sure wear that" he nod his head. "right?!"

[southparktexts]

kenny mccormick x goth reader head canons pleaseee :3 if not that’s fine!!

of course anon !! <3 (im so mad i had to rewrite this twice)

Kenny with a Goth Reader

- okay, first off. he LOVES goth people.

- huge goth mommy girlfriend lover (he listens to asmr..)

- i feel like he had definitely confused you with the goth kids.

“look at that fucking emo… oh SHIT THATS Y/N”

“THE FUCK YOU SAY ABOUT ME??”

- you had to educate him on the difference between emo and goth after that.

- knowing him he’s confused about the goth aesthetic

- i know damn well he just think its wearing black sexy clothes.

- the first time you did his makeup on him he was so confused.

“why the fuck would you get this.. thing (foundation) 8 shades lighter than your skin colour.. this is basically white.”

“i- .. you are so autistic.”

“BUT WHY??”

- please for the love of god, do not wear a corset or fishnets around him. he will stare.

- the first time he saw you walk around with a corset he was immediately staring… at your tits.

- i feel like he definitely protects you when you go out in public with him because of people who bark at you or try and sexually assault you.

- he’s not controlling of the way you dress because its your life, live it.

- he just doesn’t want you to feel insecure about yourself!

- i can definitely vouch that he loves buying you goth clothes and handing it to you.

- if you have a collection of goth anything, he will stare for hours.

- he gets so interested into goth things.

- i can see times where he would sometimes (all the time) where goth clothes to match and impress you.

- and he looks so fucking good as well.

“why don’t you just dress like this all the time??”

“you dont know how much i would fucking hate to be barked at.”

- he is your biggest supporter when it comes to social media posts and shit.

- commenting shit on your posts like ‘thats my bitch!’

- one time got into a fight in the comment section with some thirsty simps.

your not dating her lol

shut yo raggity ass up

*insert pic of you and him.*

think again

- ive said this once and ill say it again, he is your biggest supporter

- people barking at you? hes barking back.

- people cat calling you? he’s starting fights.

- people touching you? hes starting a war.

- one time yelled at a GRANDMA because she insulted you.

“thats not appropriate to wear out on the streets!”

“BITCH YO WIG ISNT APPROPRIATE TO WEAR OUT ON THE STREETS. SIT THE FUCK DOWN.”

- … he has issues? i think..?

[whatdoeseverybodywant]

You’re the Only Girl for Me - Chapter 5

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS

Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated ❤ 

All OC Characters belong to me

Taglist:  @christinabae @southerngirl41 @reci24 @jeyusos-girl @jeyusosgirl @melaninsugababy @baconeggndcheez @bemybabiibish @jstarr86 @nbanenefrmdao @purplehairgawdess @arination99 @alyyaanna @m3llowww @gomussy @jeysbae @babysyhsy @bebesobrielo  @empressdede @venusesworld @harmshake @mustafumilf @theninthwonder

NOVEMBER 23RD 2020

Incoming text from Josh Fatu: good morning, can’t wait to see u tonite ❤️

Airielle stared at the text message with a smile on her face. Even though she was happy she was also extremely nervous, this would be her first date in 3 years since…Airielle quickly shook her head trying to get rid of those thoughts. She jumped when Yasmine burst through the door carrying shopping bags. Airielle rolled her eyes as Yasmine passed her a Victoria’s Secret bag. 

“Just something sexy to wear.” Airielle laughed and thanked her. “You nervous? It’s been a while since you been on a date.” Yasmine paused “Even though I still think those other two should count but whatever.” She shrugged. 

“Yeah im freaking the fuck out honestly.” Yasmine reached over and grabbed Airielle’s hands, giving them a squeeze. 

“Just remember, you are not defined by what happened to you. You are the light that refused to surrender.” Airielle smiled softly and looked away from Yasmine. “I know I give you shit about getting back in the dating scene,” Yasmine grabbed Airielle’s cheeks to make her look back at her. “But I just want you to know how proud of you I am. Just have fun and be free.” Airielle pulled Yasmine to her in a tight hug. 

“Yo bro.” Josh looked over at the door when Jon came strolling through. 

“I know this ya house, but I could’ve been naked.” Jon shrugged and plopped his body down on the bed. 

“You ready for tonight? I can’t believe she actually agreed to go out with you.” Josh sucked his teeth and glared over at his twin. 

“What the hell that's supposed to mean?” 

“You ugly as fuck uce” Jon laughed then held his hand up, trying to shield his face and body from Josh’s hits. “Aight, Aight Damn.” 

“If I'm ugly, you ugly. We twins jackass.” 

“I hope you got my girl some roses.” Trin said as she came into the room and sat on the bed next to Jon. Josh nodded and scrubbed his hand over his face. If there was an emotion beyond nervousness, that's what he was. Trinity noticed and placed her hand on his shoulder. 

“This gon be my first- first date since high school man, The last time I was this nervous was with the boy’s mom.” Jon and Trinity winced at the fact he wouldn’t say his ex-wife’s name. “And I was fifteen, i’m thirty-fucking five, why am I so nervous?” 

“Cause you like her uce. And technically yall already went on y’alls first date.” Trinity nodded her head in agreement. “Just be yourself man, she gon fall in love with you.” 

Airielle looked at the clock and cursed. Josh was supposed to be at her place in 30 minutes and she still didn’t decide which dress to wear. She let out a sigh of relief when Yasmine came into her room holding her IPad, on facetime with their other cousin Ashley. 

“As the family fashion expert. We need your help.” Yasmine flipped the camera and showed Ashley all of the dress, shoes and jewelry options they had. 

“Bitch are those my earrings!” Yasmine rolled her eyes and sucked her teeth. 

“Focus Ashley-” 

“I’ve been looking for them everywhere hoe!” Airielle giggled and took the IPAD from Yasmine, turning the camera to herself. 

“I need your opinion Ash, I’m stuck.” Ashley rolled her eyes and nodded. 

“Fine,” She muttered. “Show me again.”  

AIRIELLEJONES

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AIRIELLEJONES: It's okay, I know you're obsessed 🌹

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Yasmine had just finished curling the last piece of Airielle’s hair when there was a knock at the front door. Airielle felt like she had to throw up. She was about to run into the bathroom when Yasmine stopped her and pushed her towards the door. 

“No running. Go enjoy yourself.” Airielle nodded and took a deep breath before opening the door. 

“Damn,” Josh said lowly, licking his lips as he shamelessly raked his eyes over her body. “I mean,” he cleared his throat. “You look beautiful.” He felt his cheeks heat up as he passed her the bouquet of white, red and pink roses. 

Airielle took them. “These are so pretty.” She said as she lifted them to her nose to smell them. 

“I mean, beautiful flowers for a beautiful woman.” They both stared at each other before bursting out into laughter. 

“That was so corny,” She said as she shut her apartment door and started walking towards the elevator. He chuckled as he followed her. 

“Yeah aint gon’ lie. That wasn’t my best work.” 

Josh had just pulled up in front of the restaurant and Airielle was about to get out of the car when Josh stopped her. 

“Whoa, whatchu’ doin?” Airielle froze with one of her hands on the handle of the car door. She turned her head and frowned at him. “Opening the door?” She said as more of question and Josh chuckled. 

“Nah, don’t touch that.” He said getting out and rushing over so he could open the door for her. “I got you.” He said as he held out his hand for her to grab. She rolled her eyes with a smile and grabbed his hand, letting him help her out of the car. She smiled wider when he didn’t let go of her hand as they started walking towards the restaurant. He only let go of her hand to hand the valet his keys and a twenty dollar tip. 

“Wow, this place is nice.” She said as the host led them to their table. She smiled at Josh as he pulled out her chair for her. 

“Yeah, Jon recommended it. Said he takes Trin here all the time.”  They sat there in silence. Glancing at each other over their menus, sending secret smiles to each other. 

“So i’ve been told.”Airielle started off, breaking the silence between them. “We technically already had our first date.” Josh nodded with a chuckle. 

“I mean, technically yeah. So what this’ll be our.” He stopped to count on his fingers making her scoff. “Third date.” 

“You did not just count to three on your fingers.” He shrugged with a laugh as the waiter came over to take their orders. Once he walked away Airielle turned her attention back to Josh. “Ok, so tell me something about you that I don’t know.” 

“Damn,” Josh said as he blew out a breath of air. “I can play the piano.” 

“Oh wow foreal?” She asked, eyebrows raised in shock and he nodded. 

“Yeah, me and my brothers. My momma kept us busy so we weren’t tearing up her house. It was so much shit she put us in man, uh- karate, soccer, baseball. Man, any sport that you could think of my mom had me and my brothers there. No your turn.” 

She placed her chin on her palm and smiled at him. “I used to dance and cheer competitively. My parents' garage is literally full of medals and trophies.” 

She narrowed her eyes at him when he started to smirk. “That’s kinda hot.” 

“I was a kid Josh.” She chuckled and threw a piece of her dinner roll at him when he shrugged. 

The rest of their date went amazing. They never ran out of stuff to talk about. They didn’t even realize they were the last two people in the restaurant until the waiter came over to tell them. 

On the ride back to her apartment, they stopped to grab some ice cream. Neither one of them wanted the night to end. After he parked in her complex’s garage they walked slowly to her apartment, holding hands. 

“This was like the best date I've ever been on.” She said, turning towards him as they stopped in front of her door. Her statement made him feel good. 

“Yeah? Me too.” He said with a wide smile. Airielle was about to turn to walk into her apartment when Josh stopped her by grabbing her hand. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asked and Airielle nodded immediately. She honestly thought she would have to make the first move. He grinned before pulling her closer to him and wrapping his arms around her waist. He hesitated before leaning head forward and capturing her lips in a soft, tender kiss. They stood there, lost in eachother only breaking apart at the sound of a loud squeal and a loud clanging sound, like something had dropped coming from inside Airielle’s apartment. 

“Sorry.” They both chuckled at Yasmine’s muffled voice. He gave her another kiss before telling her that he would text her when he got home. After he walked away, Yasmine ripped open the door and yanked Airielle inside. 

“Bitch tell me everything.” 

Happy Thanksgiving (if you celebrate it.)

Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated ❤ 

[tomssexdoll]

CAN WE ALL HAVE A MOMENT OF SILENCE TO APPRECIATE HOW FUCKING SEXY TOM IS. LIKE HOT DAMN IM CUMMING. LIKE PLEASE TOM JUST FUCK ME ONE GOOD TIME THAT’S ALL I NEED. IM NOT ASKING YOU IM TELLING YOU. LIKE PLEASE. I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE. IM A VIRGIN AND MY PUSSY IS READY FOR UR DICK. MY FRINED SAID I HAVE BAD TASTE IN MEN. NO BITCH YOU HAVE BAD TASTE IN MEN IF YOU THINK TOM FUCKING KAULITZ IS UGLY. YOU NEED TO GET YOUR BRAIN CHECKED BECAUSE UR OBVIOUSLY FUCKING STUPID IF YOU THINK TOM LONG DICKED KAULITZ IS UGLY. NO LUBE,NO PROTECTION, ALL DAY ALL NIGHT, ON BUS TO THE TRAIN, IN THE CAR, ON THE FLOOR, IN THE BED,IN THE SHOWER, TO THE KITCHEN TO THE LIVING ROOM, IN THE POOL. I WILL LITERALLY SELL MY KIDNEY FOR THIS MAN TO ABUSE ME WITH HIS COCK. I WILL LITERALLY DO ANYTHING FOR THIS MAN.

REAL.

I NEED HIS DICK

[lovebombs4life]

"Why should I wear anything at all if you're going to tear it off?" With Luke PLEASE

beach day - l.r.h

a/n: thank you for the request anon! on a different note, i got my lip pierced yesterday and holy shit does it hurt like a bitch.

cw: SMUT SMUT SMUT. contains content for audiences 18+. includes swearing, slight choking, praise, dom!luke, fem!reader, oral (m), p in v sex.

NOT PROOF READ

MINORS DNI. 18+!!!!

———

the hot summer sun beat down on all of us sitting on the beach. as much as i loved the summer and being at the beach, i did not want to be here when it was hotter than hell.

ashton could’ve chosen any other day of the year to go to the beach but no, we all had to go today on the hottest day of the year. not to mention that luke looked incredibly sexy, as per usual, but with the sun shining down on him, he looked good enough to eat.

i sat in my beach towel, still wearing my long cover up shirt. i finally threw it off, grabbing my bottle of sunscreen. luke had been in the middle of laying out his towel, and i could hear him take a deep breathe as i threw my shirt to the side.

you’d think after dating for five years he’d be used to seeing me in a swimsuit, but everyday with him feels like the first.

he sat down on his towel before laying down on his stomach. i had to clench my thighs together seeing him like that. what can i say, im a whore for his back muscles. plus, you could still see some of the light scratch marks i had left on him the other day.

i put my head down in my hands, squeezing my eyes shut. i needed to get my head out of that space before i tried climbing on him then and there.

“you alright, y/n/n?” luke questioned with his head turned towards me. i nodded quickly and smiled at him. “of course! just really hot out.” i reassured him.

he smiled as he sat up to face me. “are you sure darling? seems like theirs something on your mind?” he pressed with a smirk on his face. my mind was screaming at me to give in to him and tell him already that i just wanted to go home and fuck him, but i wanted to do some teasing too.

i nodded my head again, standing up to go to the water where most of our friends already were. “hey y/n! nice of you to join us!” crystal teased me.

“oh shush. luke is being kind of a pain.” i said lowly. she raised her eyebrow, indicating she wanted to know more. i glanced back at luke, seeing that he was walking over to the group to hangout with the boys.

“he knows he has an affect on me of course. after five years we still act like we’ve never touched each other, and like we’re starved for touch.” i explained.

“ohhhh, okay so you’re horny and he knows but you don’t want to do anything cause we’re in public?” she questioned louder than i had hoped.

“shush! i don’t need everyone in the damn beach hearing, crystal!” i panicked. she threw her head back laughing, thinking it was hilarious. i rolled my eyes at her.

“you’re lucky i don’t push you into the water.” i spoke. she kept giggling as we made our way to the boys who had been splashing at each other.

calum was wrestling with michael as luke and ash just watched, laughing their asses off. i stood back a few feet so i wouldn’t get drenched. but of course, things couldn’t go my way. luke grabbed me quickly before running farther into the water and dropping me in.

when i resurfaced he was running away to go back to the sand. “you’re not getting away with this!” i yelled at him, swimming back to the land. i chased after him, holding down my chest as i did so. i knew as it is, my ass was almost completely showing as my bottoms had wedged their way up.

he had turned around and ran back to our towels, and i followed behind him. he had finally stopped and sat on the towels, catching his breath. “i couldn’t take running anymore, especially seeing how sexy you look in that bikini.” he whispered in my ear, grabbing my thigh. i giggled a bit.

“want to make an excuse to get out of here?” i questioned. his eyes widened, not thinking i was serious. “really? what would we even say?” he asked. i shrugged.

“say that my ankle started to hurt after running after you.” i shrugged. he nodded and stood up to tell our friends we’d be leaving. i started throwing our things in our beach bag. when luke returned he grabbed my swimsuit coverup and handed it to me. “why’d you give this to me? could’ve thrown it in the bag.” i told him.

“i just thought you’d want to get covered before walking back to the car.” he explained. i got closer to him, grazing his ear with my lips.

“why should i wear anything at all if you’re going to tear it off?” i teased. he threw his head back slightly, groaning quietly. i smirked, knowing i was in for it.

we walked back to the car quickly, throwing our things in the trunk. i settled myself into the passenger seat as luke started the car. immediately his hand was trailing up my thigh. i shuddered as he grew closer to my heat.

“nothing to say now that we’re alone? not gonna be a tease?” he taunted. i shook my head quickly, hoping he’d go further. “use your words, darling.”

“no, nothing to say, just want you.” i breathed out as he started to rub me through my swimsuit. i looked over at him, seeing his hand gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were white. i could see the veins in his hand, wishing those gorgeous things were wrapped around my throat.

i shifted my legs so he could have more access from where he was. just as i thought it was going to go further, he pulled his hand away. i whined at the loss of contact. “no whining baby, just a few more minutes then we’re home.” he comforted.

i wasn’t one to listen, and whined again anyway. “do that again and you won’t cum for a week.” he spoke sternly this time. my eyes went wide, and i went quiet.

“yeah that shut you up real quick, is that right my sweet girl.” he praised. “yes.” i spoke softly. “yes? yes what baby?” he asked.

“yes sir.” i groaned. his smirk grew wide. we pulled into the driveway, scrambling to get out of the car. once at the front door, like quickly unlocked the door before throwing his keys on the side table. he pressed me to the door, holding my hips.

he went at my neck, licking and sucking lightly. i threw my head back at the feeling. he trailed his fingers down my waist, pulling my bikini bottoms down painfully slow. “please, please don’t tease lu.” i begged.

he lifted his head from my neck, looking down at me with a dark smile. “such a good girl for me. didn’t even ask you to beg.” he kissed me softly. once he pulled away, he pulled my bottoms from my legs, and went to untying my top.

his hips pinned me to the door, allowing me to feel how hard he was. “please luke, please no teasing baby i just need you, i want to make you feel good.” i pleaded. he let out a deep breath, squeezing my breasts as he threw my top on the floor.

i moved my hands down to the draw string of his swim trunks, untying it quickly. “want you so bad.” i said, lowering to my knees as i drug his shorts down his legs. his dick sprung out, the tip leaking with pre-cum. he stepped from his shorts kicking them to the side.

i grabbed his length, kitten licking the tip. i watched him through my lashes, seeing him throwing his head back. his hands found their way into my hair, gripping on to me. “feels so good, fuck, such a good girl.” he spoke, thrusting his hips forward a bit.

i gagged as his dick went down my throat. i breathed in, shoving him as far as i could take him. as i did so, he let out a loud moan. i pulled back from him, still pumping him. saliva hung from my lip as i smiled up at him.

“taste so good sir, love making you feel good, love your moans.” i breathed. he put a hand against my throat, squeezing slightly.

i moaned at the pressure and let one of my hands fall down to my dripping heat. before i could get any further, he helped me stand up, and lifted me up, bringing me to our bedroom.

he laid me down, rubbing his hands up and down my body. “so beautiful, darling.” he praised, kissing my body.

he spread my thighs, licking close to my clit. i moaned as he ran his fingers against my slit. i pushed my hips forward, allowing his fingers to slip in slightly. he held my hips down with his other hand.

“just wanna taste you a bit, get you ready for me.” he spoke, looking up at me from between my thighs. i shook my head fast. “just want you, don’t need you to get me ready. already so wet for you, sir, just need your cock.” i begged.

he groaned, grabbing his dick and sliding it against my entrance. he pushed in slowly, causing me to moan loudly. “doing so good for me, begging and being such a little slut for my cock.” he spoke, sucking on one of my tits.

his pace quickened, causing my eyes to roll back. “fuck, y/n, feel so fucking good. so wet, so tight, ugh, think youd be used to my cock already after fucking you so good.” he moaned. i let out a high pitched sound as he grabbed my thighs hard, pounding into me.

“oh fuck, i- gotta, ohh, gotta cum sir.” i moaned, trying to keep my composure. he forcefully snapped his hips into me, dragging one hand down to my clit, rubbing quick circles.

i let out a pornographic sound as he slammed into me. i clenched around him, my breathing becoming shorter. “go on baby, come on. cum for me, my sweet girl.” he encouraged, squeezing my throat.

i felt him twitch inside me, knowing he was close too. i kept clenching against him, letting my thighs shake as i moaned from the pleasure. his hips started stuttering, but kept his pace.

“fucking hell, oh shit!” he spoke as i felt his cum paint my walls. he pulled out, letting his fingers collect mine and his cum. he brought his fingers to my lips, and i opened for him, sucking everything off his fingers.

he sighed, taking in the sight. removing his fingers from me, luke laid down next to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. “god you’re perfect, y/n.” he spoke, pressing a kiss to my head.

“i suggest that you never wear a shirt ever again and just let me look at your back muscles.” i laughed.

“yeah? maybe i will if this is what the end result will be.”

[carpememes]

10 Minute Power Hour Starters

"You gotta warn me because I was just about to yell 'Remember who made you cum?' and how embarrassing would that shit have been?"

"We've got ____ here. Can you believe it?"

"Alright, shut the fuck up, everybody."

"No, not the stegosaurus!"

"Oh! We're giving samples. I've done this before."

"Can you Urkel your way to a win?"

"I don't love this."

"Glug glug glug, now I'm drunk."

"WOO! Show us how it's done, baby!"

"It's what all the kids on youtube are doing."

"Where is this piece? Did you steal my piece?"

"Bro, I'm killing it."

"Am I right, the youth?"

"You didn't even savor the peelies."

"You just ripped it off like a barbarian."

"Sizzle sizzle, baby bitch."

"It's gonna be really dramatic and cool!"

"I don't want a pumpkin growing in my belly."

"What a fool he is, to get wood confused with food items."

"I told my mom to help me clean it up and she said 'no thank you'."

"___ said I look like the floor of an arcade."

"My heart is beating so fast right now."

"Spin the wheel, you bitch."

"We're visible to lots of people, but it feels great to be truly seen by someone special."

"Well, not like my BEST best friend but he's definitely in that class."

"That's too much plastic crap."

"You look like something they'd serve at 2 in the morning at iHop."

"I feel like i just came back from a mythical creature bukake."

"This is what the ladies are into. A big ol brain horn of goo."

"I'm an ex-man. Which means I used to be a man."

"Yeah you won. Everyone's great. Three people need to go to the hospital but hooray you won."

"Thanks for invalidating my win, dude. I worked hard for this."

"You popped which means you are legally obligated to not stop."

"Please. No laughter."

"I feel you should've said something."

"I has bro! Do you has bro??"

"Well, I think you get double points for that."

"You got a serious buttchin and you need to admit it and use it!"

"YOU DID THIS!"

"We're losin it. We're losin it! ___, we're losin it!"

"This shirt's better now."

"No don't! ___, fucking, god damn it!"

"That was the most legit anger I've heard out of you in so long."

"Why is it filled with chestnuts?! And a lemon!"

"Thanks for celebrating my birthday. This was really fun and not depressing."

"Hold on! I have to do some research."

"Jesus. Reginald. Christ."

"You did it! It's a nightmare."

"What do you think? You think i look sexy?"

"Am i out kissin vandals and vagrants?!"

"Imagine I'm rubbing your thighs."

"I'm going to open a tube of goo now."

"You're a sucky friend!"

"I'm doing all of the colors, you fuck!"

"I know what makes green! Magic and jesus!"

"Oh cool! It looks not that great!"

"It looks like somebody's pancreas exploded over here."

"Anyone wanna be on camera?"

"Drink it, you armadillo."

"Have you witnessed me?"

"Ew, ewww- EEEWWW!"

"Nooo, I don't wanna be the hulk anymore."

"There we go. That's a big boy."

"Are you gonna attack or are you too scared?"

"Admittedly you wield a lot of power that I was not aware of."

"It makes magic fun!"

"That's not what I wanted at all."

"I feel like a cat that just fell in the bathtub."

"YES! Eat the worms!"

"Early 2000s is retro?"

"What is the best time of day to shake a baby?"

"Oh no! It's making the connection that I'm it's mother!"

"We dont have all day. Im becoming sterile wearing these jock straps."

"So you can stick your little emoji faces in here when you write your diary about how much God has betrayed you."

"That is one of the worst shirts I've seen in my life. Put it on."

"What? Oh, I suppose you want to KISS about it?!"

"I dunno. I guess cuz I'm an asshole."

"What do you mean 'is that really what it looks like'? It looks magical!"

"In this world we must all tilt.... But we also a-whirl."

"Look around you. All you see is death and chaos... Here is a kirby."

"Every birthday is like the grim reaper moving one peg on the abacus of your life."

"Everytime I try to solve it i'm just making things worse. Which is just an analogy for my life."

"I was brewin' in the nutsack of an older man."

"It was like having Chuck-e-cheese right in your house."

"The ooze doesn't smell great."

"Parents killed each other to get this thing."

"I threw up a lot more in the 90s than I do now."

"It's about to erase your memory."

"____, Im so sorry, but there's something your mother and I have to tell you."

"It's not your fault! Don't ever think it's your fault!"