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bogkeep · 3 months ago

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forgive me father for i have once again listened to a podcast episode discussing a topic that makes me go >:( and now i must write a blog post about it.

the topic was, i guess Learned Helplessness although they never really used that term. the whole talk got very Kids These Days-y in a way that just. does not sit well with me, very generalizing and victim-blamey. but it IS a complicated topic, because there are many things i DO agree with:

- learning to sit with discomfort, inconvenience and conflict is a good and necessary skill

- anti-intellectualism is bad, and challenging yourself can be very rewarding

- people do have a certain amount of agency and responsibility for their actions

- being in community is good and hyperindividualism is not so good

but oh... how do people argue for how everyone should be constantly challenging themselves and be responsible for everything in their lives, in the same breath as decrying self care (or "self care" with the quotation marks) as hyperindividualist?

is this a los angeles thing. do all podcasters live in LA or something

do i have a different definition of community??????

one of my fundamental philosophies that i've carried with me through life is that not everyone can do everything, and nobody does everything the same. we have different strengths and limits, we do things at different speeds, and in community we can compensate for our differences. and most importantly, nobody needs to be "deserving" of help and resources - everyone should have a right to help and resources.

i volunteered at my local queer youth organization for several years. i did what i could when i could do it. for a while i was the only one with access to a car, so i helped out a lot when moving offices, or when we travelled to a rural town to help out with their first ever pride parade. when i moved out i no longer had access to the car. at every parade i was at, one thing that was made clear in all the speeches was that when we march, we march not only for ourselves, but for everyone unable to join. there was never any shame in being unable to join. be it because of safety reasons, or disability, or just plain availability - not everyone can join! not everyone wants to join! enough people do that we have a parade regardless.

something that became pretty difficult at one point is when the leader of the local chapter started taking on too many tasks and delegating too little, essentially bringing the whole organisation to a halt when she was unable to do the tasks and nobody else had access to them. not knowing your limits makes you a choking point.

and like, okay. i'll be the first to admit that i take the whole sentiment of "you're not trying hard enough" a little bit personally. me, and probably every other disabled and neurodivergent person who has had to hear it a million zillion times while they try and try and try and it just does not yield the results - or they yield only at a great cost.

i have several painful memories of my mother, a woman who gets huffy if she has to stand in a queue for too long, implying that i am unwilling to leave my comfort zone. i've grown up thinking that i'm a weak willed and sensitive soul due to personal failing, or maybe a failing to break a bone in my childhood, and hey, maybe it's true. though i AM starting to suspect someof the challenges i face are like, actual challenges, mayhaps due to being autistic and marginalized in a hostile society.

i can't speak on behalf of all disabled people, but i suspect many are familiar with the experience of not being believed when they say they can't do something.

so... okay. how DO we synthesize the 'learned helplessness epidemic' with the fact that people have limits. surely there's a middle ground between "you're not helpless, you can do anything you set your mind to if you just try harder" and "you're not responsible for anything ever and owe people nothing".

i don't know! i just don't think there's a one size fits all solution. making yourself be active and go out is good if you've got depression, and not good if you've got severe burnout. there are times when you may need to push yourself, and times when you need to be forgiving and let yourself rest. is scrolling on your phone for three hours rotting or resting? it depends! it just does!

i think there's great power in knowing your limits. knowing what you can and can't do means finding solutions - sometimes you find an alternative way of doing something, sometimes you need someone else to do it, sometimes you can learn and practice how to do the thing, and sometimes it doesn't need doing. i don't think it's necessary to have to do everything in the most challenging or normative way possible. if it's difficult to throw away trash, maybe you need more available trash cans. i think it's far, far more responsible to be honest about what you can do than overpromise only to crash and burn.

i'm just!!! so exhausted by the idea of constantly pushing yourself, as if improvement can only happen through exertion.

(quick rundown examples brought up in the podcast that made me grind my teeth:

- "unless you have a LEGITIMATE REASON i think picky eating is a moral failing" ghhgrghhgghhhhh

- the whole "americans are getting worse at reading and they only read garbage" as if all reading must be Intellectual and Challenging and that's the True Purpose Of Books. also, not to be like "the american school system has failed you" but the american school system has been failing to teach people to read. like that is actually a thing. i know anti-intellectualism is on the rise and there's a myriad of reasons behind it. but it's weird to me that nobody brings this up!

- "a fifteen year old feeling uncomfortable with this pop star because she's so sexualized" yeah they're fifteen. do you remember how uncomfortable it is to be fifteen and dealing with your body and sexuality in a society that's simultaneously pushing sex at you at every turn while also being extremely weird about sex due to religion probably. im willing to cut all teenagers a lot of slack for being weird about sex and sexuality tbh

- implying people mostly order food/grocery delivery because they're lazy and anxious. Surely People Do It For Myriads Of Other Reasons

- brief mention of "people have less sex than before". stares into the camera asexually

- they didn't actually bring up Therapy Speak but it feels very much in the same vein, you know? a lot of talk about people using mental illness and trauma as an excuse for avoiding things, but you know what might help with a lot of that? therapy. probably. i would hope. like trauma does in fact fuck with your conflict resolution skills, and a lot of people have plenty reasons to be traumatized. Considering)

anyway that's all for now

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thetriumphantpanda · 2 years ago

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Delicate - Chapter Two: Maroon

3.7k / pairing: joel miller x f!reader

Series Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

summary: despite some last minute reservations about meeting Joel, you throw yourself into the date, but it doesn't go according to plan.

A/N: Ahhhhh oh my God - @hellishjoel and I are so excited to bring you the second chapter of Delicate! We're having the best time with this little pairing already and we hope they manage to worm their way into your hearts just like they have with us! We're taking turns in posting the chapters of this - so please make sure you're following both of us to keep up to date!

warnings: mentions of being a single parents, rom-com vibes, foul language, a bestie who is nothing but trouble, Joel being terrible at dating in general, a lil smattering of angst, mentions of food & alcohol consumption.

There’s a flow of peace that settles across you when the door to Noah’s room clicks shut. You love him, he’s the best thing that ever happened to you, and he keeps you afloat every day, but these moments, when he’s finally asleep and you can stop thinking for a minute, are the moments you crave each day.

You settle down on the couch, mug of tea in hand, with the TV playing quietly, just for background noise more than anything, as you pick up your phone for the first time that evening. There’s a few emails, mainly about shopping sales and holidays that you think you should book but never do - those are quickly deleted to stop any temptation of spending money on something that isn’t essential. There are a few messages from your mom, just confirming that she’ll pick Noah up from school tomorrow, what she’s planned for them to do and what she’ll feed him. You shoot a message off in reply that it all sounds good and that he’s excited for some quality time with his grandparents, because it’s true, and then you set your phone down on the coffee table and try to ignore it for a while.

You finish your tea and queue up a few episodes of a show you’ve been meaning to catch up on - something mindless that people at work always seem to talk about. So mindless that it actually sends you to sleep. You wake with a jolt a few hours later. The house is still quiet, which means Noah hasn’t decided he’s still got too much energy and needs to burn it off by jumping on the bed or pulling some of his toys out. You sigh, checking the time to see it’s almost midnight.

You gather your stuff, put the mug in the sink to deal with in the morning before trudging up to bed. There’s a moment at the top of the stairs, where you think it would be so easy to flop down on the bed and forgo the rest of your responsibilities, but you’ve got your mother’s voice in the back of your mind, something about wrinkles and pores and how bad it is to sleep in your makeup, so you turn left into the bathroom, cover your skin in serums and creams and then finally, just after midnight, you fall into bed.

Knowing it’s bad to look at your phone this late at night, once you’ve set your alarm, you click open the godforsaken Hinge app that Dixie had insisted on setting you up on. So far, after six months, you’d been on a fair few first dates, three second dates and had a God awful one night stand, but nothing had been sticking, no-one seemed to be exactly what you were looking for. You’d promised her that you’d try though, so as had become a nightly ritual for you, you set about giving away your daily likes, not really paying a huge amount of attention until he pops up for you. Joel. 45. From his first profile picture, the exact kind of man you’d been searching for. Rugged, handsome,

Of the few photos he had on his profile, he was often donning a flannel or a simple short-sleeved shirt that curved around his biceps and broad shoulders. He always wore the same tilted smile, with dazzling eyes and dark hair with licks of silver. He was a handsome lumberjack of sorts.

He looked to be an outdoorsman, at least two of Joel’s pictures were of him hiking a trail accompanied by a young girl, surrounded by greenery and tall rocks with the sunshine peeking through the branches. His face was glowing and tan from the light, his handsomeness so natural. Beautiful, even.

Joel’s “Typical Sunday” consisted of a black coffee in the morning, followed by making burgers on the grill for him and his family before settling down to watch a Dallas Cowboys football game. That was a typical Sunday for a man, but it showed how he liked to unwind and that he was a family man.

First, the mention of a family, plus that beautiful young woman in almost all of Joel’s pictures - a daughter, perhaps? Older than your own boy by quite a few years. He must have been on the younger side of having children if any of these assumptions were even correct. But there was something about knowing he also had a baby to be thinking of felt familiar, comforting, as they would always come first.

And it turns out that talking to him is pretty easy too. He’s charming, a slight insomniac like you, and from what you can tell from the slight back and forth you managed to have before you go to sleep, able to flirt a little with you too. It’s why when he asks to take you out you say yes without hesitation, it could be fun, he could be the one, who knows?

Mornings are always chaos. Half-eaten bowls of cereal on the table, a mug of coffee made with the best of intentions but sat to go cold, a rush of getting Noah dressed and in the car with everything he needed for school and then the annoyance of getting stuck in traffic on the way to drop him off, all coalesce to make you stressed as you help Noah out of the backseat.

“Remember granny is picking you up this afternoon okay?” You ask, bending down to kiss his cheek as he fiddles with the straps of his backpack.

“I know, mom.” He groans, using the back of his hand to wipe the kiss off his cheek.

You smile, ruffle his hair a bit, because no matter how much he might protest, he will always be your baby, “Behave for her, okay?” You warn lightly with a smile, “She’ll bring you back home tomorrow.”

Noah spots some of his friends across the playground and steps around you to make his way into school. You turn, hold your hand up in a wave and shout at him to have a good day. Noah turns, walking backwards to look at you, waving right back.

“Have a good day, mom!”

Underneath the way he’s growing up, he’s still the sweet little boy you knew you could raise on your own. You sit back in your car, picking your phone up to make sure you’ve got enough time to go to the store and stock up on some groceries, when you notice a notification from Hinge. It’s Joel.

Just checking you’re still okay for tonight?

For some reason, you sit and stare at it for a few minutes, fingers itching to type something, to confirm, but there’s that usual seed of doubt that appears after all this time that makes you want to tell him something’s come up, you’ll have to reschedule. After months and months of trying to find someone, to failed first date after failed first date, you wonder if it really is worth it, no matter how good of a match Joel Miller seems on paper. Is he really going to be worth getting dressed up for? You sigh, type out your usual message of I’m sorry, I think I might have to reschedule, when the screen is filled with the face of your best friend, trying to call you.

“Hello?”

“Hello sexy mama!” Dixie’s voice immediately soothes you, “How are you this fine morning?”

“I’m okay,” You speak softly, plugging the phone into the car so you can speak to her as you drive, “Just dropped Noah off at school.”

“How is my favourite man?” She asks.

“Yeah, he’s good, he’s staying with my mom tonight so I think he’s just pleased to be away from me for a while.”

“It’s like the universe read my mind!” Dixie exclaims on the other end of the phone, “Do you want to go out and get wine drunk tonight?”

You stutter for a second, because you could, you could cancel with Joel, go out and drink cheap wine and dance with your friend, but before you can say anything, Dixie picks up on your hesitation.

“OH MY GOD!” She all but screeches, “Do you have a hot date tonight?!”

You grumble a little, because how is she always so attuned to you like this?

“Yeah, although I don’t know if I’m gonna go.”

“Why not?”

You sigh again, “I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore?” You offer.

“Girl, get outta here with that attitude!” She chastises, “Is he hot?”

You grumble a little again, but you can’t deny it, Joel is hot, “Yes.”

“Well then,” You can hear her clap her hands in the background, clearly having you on speaker so she can go about her business, “If he’s hot, then there’s no harm in it, forget me and my wine, go out, drink wine with your hot mystery stranger and get fucked, girl!”

“Dixie!” You screech, “I’m not fucking him.”

“Whatever you say, girl!” She shouts down the phone, “If you cancel, I’m kicking your ass, okay?” You sigh, once again, something you’re getting more and more used to these days, “Have fun and be safe!”

And then all you can hear is the dial tone from where she’s hung up on you. You think about it all the way around the grocery store, she wouldn’t know if you did cancel, would she? But you’ve known her long enough to know she’d sniff a lie out of you in seconds. So, when you settle down at your desk, you pull out your phone and send Joel a reply to confirm the plans you made last night, and then spend the rest of the work day trying not to work yourself up about the whole thing.

You don’t think that the anxiety of waiting for a date to show up will ever get easier. Stood just inside the doorway of the restaurant Joel had chosen, you’re chewing at the skin around your thumbnail. Did you dress right? Do you look okay? When he turns up will he look like his pictures or not? Will he lean in for a kiss on the cheek? Do you give him a hug? You’d like to think of yourself as a seasoned pro at this now, but those first few awkward moments always made you anxious - there was no second chance at first impressions.

You needn’t have worried about Joel though. When the door opens and he stands in front of you, he is exactly the man you’d studied on that app. Taller than you, broad and big. Scruff, peppered with gray across his face, though it’s neatly kept, just like this hair, although more unruly, it’s still peppered with grays and it suits him. He’s wearing dark jeans, and a flannel that you think must be saved for best. You step closer, open your arms. Joel leans down, and does indeed press a kiss to your cheek, one of his wide palms pressed lightly on your lower back as he hugs you back a little.

“Nice to meet you, Joel.” You smile when he pulls away.

“You too, ma’am.” He smiles back at you, and you can tell he’s nervous.

“What have I told you about that?” You tease as you step towards the hostess, Joel giving her his name, you hope the slight teasing will put him at ease, you remember just what it was like when you started dating for the first time, and as much as you want to have a good time, you want to make sure Joel is having a good time too.

She picks up two menus, leads the two of you to a table at the edge of the restaurant. Joel pulls your chair out for you, pushing it gently under you as you sit down. The light is low, and there’s a thrum of chatter across the whole restaurant as you open the menu, glancing your eyes over the choices.

“Do you want to share a bottle of wine?” You ask, finger skimming the list of wines available.

Joel nods, “Sure thing, darlin’.”

You smile, looking down at the menu, deciding you much prefer darling to ma’am, especially in that sweet southern drawl of his. When the waitress returns, you both order food and a bottle of wine, which is quickly brought to the table, uncorked, with the dark red liquid poured into two glasses. The waitress leaves the bottle on the table as you raise your glass, Joel following suit, clinking them together before you take a sip.

You’re watching as he does the same, a smaller sip than you, and then watch as his nose crinkles and he coughs a little. It makes you laugh, putting your glass down to cover your mouth a little.

“Dunno why I said yes,” He shakes his head, “Fuckin’ hate wine.”

You can’t help but properly laugh now, hoping that it puts him a little at ease. You reach over the table, lay your hand on his wrist just a touch, “What would you prefer to drink?”

You don’t miss the way he subtly drags his wrist back from your touch, covering it by scratching at the skin on the side of his hand, but you don’t let it bother you. You’re a touchy person, it’s what makes you feel at ease mostly, but that doesn’t mean it works for Joel, so you fold your hands back in your lap.

“Usually beer,” He mumbles, flagging down the waitress as she walks past to ask for just that, “Or whiskey.”

“I don’t mind a beer,” You offer, trying to make light conversation, “But whiskey makes my throat burn.”

He doesn’t offer much of a reply apart from a short hum from his mouth, his attention moving from you to the room around you, letting the table fall into silence. You look down at your lap, trying to think of things to say whilst you wait for your food.

“So, Sarah, right?” You ask after his daughter, it’s something the two of you have in common at least, “You must be super proud of her, medical school is incredible.”

“Yeah,” He says simply, “She’s a very smart girl.”

You expect him to ask after Noah, ask him a little about what he’s like, maybe what his favourite subjects are at school or whether he’s in any sports clubs or anything, but he doesn’t offer anything else to you, doesn’t ask any questions.

There’s a lull in the conversation, saved by the waitress dropping your meals in front of you, fresh tomato pasta with chicken for you and steak and mashed potatoes with asparagus for Joel. You swirl your fork through the pasta, scooping some into your mouth as Joel cuts into his steak. Your eyes are trained on him, watching how he eats - it’s one of your big tests, table manners, and to be fair to him, he passes with flying colours - sure he eats a bit fast, but it’s nothing off-putting, and he seems to be able to use a knife and fork properly and chew with his mouth closed, which is a far cry from the last person you’d been out with.

“You look really good tonight,” You offer, setting your fork down for a moment, “The flannel is very Texas.”

You think in the dim light you can see him flush a little, and you’ve not said anything that isn’t true, he does look good. Fucking great actually. Joel finishes swallowing, takes a swig of his beer.

“Thank you,” He tips his head towards you, “You look nice too,” He brings his hand up to his face to motion, “Rosy cheeks.”

You try not to let your disappointment show, it is a compliment after all, so you put all your focus back down into your meal, the two of you finishing your food in a rather awkward silence - you willing Joel to ask you something, to start a conversation, anything really. You watch as Joel pushes the asparagus around his plate after eating two of the spears, finishing off his steak and potatoes but leaving the rest of the greens.

When the waitress comes back to clear your plates, she asks if you’d like the dessert menu. You look to Joel, who tips his head in a way to say it’s up to you, but this has quite possibly been the most excruciating few hours of your life, so you drain your glass of wine, tip the last of the bottle into the glass and sit to wait for the bill.

“Listen,” Joel starts, dragging your attention from the bottom of your glass to him, a look of slight regret on his face, “I ain’t too good at all this,” He tries to explain, “It’s been a long time and I’m a little rusty.”

You kind of want to wring his ass for it a little, but underneath his apparent disinterest, you can still see the nerves of the guy who first walked through the door, and you get it, you think you’d been similar when you first started dating again, but you don’t think you’d completely lost the ability to think of a single question.

Joel insists on paying the bill and you don’t fight him for the privilege of splitting it - you think it might upset some of that southern chivalry he has and for someone else they’ll love that. It’s a silent affair as you both stand up, gather your things.

“How are you getting home?” Joel asks, holding the front door open for you.

“I can just grab a cab,” You smile, “How about you?”

He points to a truck, “Only had one so I can drive home,” He explains, “Do you mind if I wait with you for your cab?” He asks, “I’d feel better knowing you get in one safe.”

“Of course,” You smile, “The hostess called one for me, so it shouldn’t be long.”

There’s another lull in conversation, thankfully your cab arrives quickly, saving the silence from falling into awkwardness again. Joel beats you to the door, opening it for you.

“I would say it’s been nice meeting you,” He speaks, “But I feel like I made this real difficult, and I’m sorry for that.”

Going to step into the cab, you stop, leaning down to put your bag in the back seat, pausing a little before you turn back around to him, meeting his eyes. They’re striking, dark brown and beautiful, and trying to tell you just how much he knows he’s messed up. It makes your heart sink because you feel that sadness too, knowing he had so much promise, that he understood you in a way you thought other people didn’t, without even needing to talk to you, he’s a single parent, he gets it, like other people don’t. It frustrates you, makes your breath catch in your throat and your eyes glass over.

You bring a comforting hand to his shoulder, “It’s okay,” You add a smile at the end, “It takes some time to get used to this all again, I was the same,” You look down at your shoes, “It’ll get easier each time you do it, I promise.”

His head dips, regret flashed across his face, like he wishes he could go back and do it all over but better this time.

“M’sorry, again,” His tone is low, morose even, then he dips, presses a soft kiss to your cheek, “Get home safe.”

You flop down on your bed, hand running over your face, wondering at what point it had gone wrong. He’d had so much potential, had seemed like he could be so right for you, so what went wrong?

No sooner have you sent the ‘home safe’ message to Dixie, do you feel the soft vibrating of your phone. You answer, put the phone on loudspeaker and set it by your head.

“So, how did it go?”

You groan, “He had so much potential Dix,” You let out a pained noise, “I don’t know where it went wrong?!”

“Oh honey,” She coos down the phone, aware more than anyone how much you wanted to be done with dating and finally have someone you could spend time with, “What happened?”

“I don’t even know!” You exclaim, “Like, I could tell he was nervous, and this was his first date in years, but it was like he’d never spoken to a woman in his life, it was so hard!”

You can hear her sucking on her teeth on the other end of the phone, “Are you being too hard on him?” She asks, “You always say the cocky men are no good because they’re rehearsed, maybe he just needs time to warm up?”

“Dixie, I’d need a flamethrower to warm him up!”

That gets a giggle out of her, “Mama, listen to me,” She goes into serious mode now, “Not everyone is as seasoned as you at this, and if this was his first date in years and he comes face to face with you? Of course he’s going to be nervous, you can’t write him off just for that honey.”

That’s when your truth really hits out, “But what if I spend all that time warming him up and it’s a waste of time? He could turn out to be no good for me and then I’ve wasted so much time instead of trying to find the right person.”

“Honey, respectfully, you’re forty, not at the end of your life, I promise that maybe spending some time trying to unravel someone a little instead of writing them off immediately might actually be worth it.”

“I don’t know, Dix…” You trail off.

“Just sleep on it, okay?” She offers, “See how you feel when you wake up before you send him the ‘thanks but no thanks’ message.”

“Okay, I promise.”

The two of your say goodbye to each other, you stay led on the bed for a while before you push yourself up, plug your phone into the charger, noticing the notification from Hinge when your screen lights up. You can see it’s Joel’s name that sits on the front screen. You sigh, sitting on the edge of the bed, weighing up whether to read it or not. Deciding that if you do read it, you’re likely to make a decision against what Dixie told you, so you leave the notification sitting there, get yourself ready for bed and then will yourself to sleep without going over every second of the date wondering what you could have done differently.

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shoujo-wizard · 10 months ago

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@lexirosewrites srry if this is too late for u to queue up i was writing it out to a place where i wanted/needed to stop it. this was intended as an ask but then i got too into it & filled it with detail after detail so the majority of it is below the read more

Thinking thoughts abt Steve's canon music taste bc I saw/reblogged a post abt how Steve is shown to listen to alternative rock & punk rather than pop & disco like we all characterize him.

This started as a steddie thing & has morphed into an a/b/o O!Max centric blurb with an elumax agenda, everything is below the cut

world building: in all of my omegaverse AU omegas can give mating bites, and betas also have mating glands they’re just noticeably smaller. also, omegas are able to be reliably identified at birth because they have a noticeably sweeter scent than other babies, once puberty starts omegas no matter their primary gender will get periods, female omegas get a period every month while male omegas get a period every other month. it is my personal headcanon tht betas evolved to assist in various biological needs tht the other designations might need i.e. if a beta is caring for an omega during their heat they’ll start giving off vaguely alpha pheromones/scents & male betas will be able to give their omega partner a smaller knot OR if a an alpha is in rut their beta partner gives off an omegas pheromones/scent while they also begin to produce a moderate amount of slick OR if they are in a throuple with an alpha & an omega they’ll maintain their natural scent during either partners cycle & fulfill the social role of caring for needs like feeding their partners, maintaining the structure of the nest, helping their partners remember to take any medication they take daily

So first picture for me: punk band frontman O!Steve, he & the other omegas in the band have those spiked collars tht look actually dangerous tht they wear as a rebellion against the expectation tht omegas should wear collars in public, he takes birth control but personally doesn't take heat blockers bc he sees it as another way society seeks to police omega autonomy, he semi-regularly throws his shirt off into the crowd during shows (omega nipples r treated like women's nipples in this AU, very scandalous), Steve has an intentionally messy mullet he cut himself & Robin helped dye dark pink, he's imitated jacking off on stage & used fake blood once or twice to make it look like he was jerking it while on his period & ofc he’s done this stunt while on his period a few times too, & he has the nail bat tht he uses to smash already broken equipment tht they fish out of various recycling centers. He's got multiple piercings & several tattoos, he'd get a neck tattoo but the most traditional thing abt him is he wants to mate someone he loves, have pups & a neck tattoo messes up anyone's mating gland.

the majority of his band r also omegas, he's the vocals mostly but he's known to throw on a guitar & step back so the bass player (robin) can step forward for songs they created/rehearsed just for her to perform, he's also done a number of wicked guitar solos, they figure out how to record & burn CDs on their own bc they're thumbing their noses at the industry tht wants to box omegas into bubblegum pop also bc they don't think they'll ever get a record deal.

The band is named Cannibal Impulse, playing around various venues in Chicago. Steve is vocals/2nd guitar, O!Robin is bass, A!Nancy is lead guitar, O!Jonathan is drums, and B!Argyle is part of a throuple with Nancy & Jonathan so he happily acts as a groupie/roadie/pizza bringer. They have a fairly loyal following of local punk enjoyers, especially omegas. For shows Steve & his band mostly wear whatever punk aesthetic they like, steve & robin both tend towards glam punk, Nancy favors a ragged style inspired by 1920s mens fashion, Jonathan likes subdued crust punk, Argyle wears stoner fashion but for their shows he puts on the battle vest Jonathan made him over his typical fashion choices.

Here’s the actual ficlet/set up/idea, idk what the time period is for this exactly, probably a vague late 90s because I want ppl to have cellphones, specifically flip phones. Also warning for implied underage drug (weed) use.

A!Eddie is the frontman to world famous Corroded Coffin & the co-parent to O!Max (he's 33 & was 18 when she was born) she's the result of a rut shared w sugary sweet head banging mosh pit queen B!Chrissy, Max is the best part of his world even if she's entered the stage of teen hood where she's angry at the world & sometimes her parents. He's had to move around once or twice bc his career demanded it, but now they have all settled permanently in Chicago bc the band have put together a music label all their own, Rotten & Revived Records.

Chrissy used to live permanently in San Francisco, working as a paralegal, but when she got an amazing job opportunity in Chicago the family had a very long talk tht included the rest of the band & everyone ended up deciding tht basing everything in Chicago seemed like the right move. The band enjoyed every concert they'd performed in the city, Max had been once or twice so she agreed it wasn't the worst place in the world plus she wanted to b near both of her parents, & Chrissy would live in a two bedroom apartment that’s a bus ride away from the home Eddie bought for himself & Max.

O!Max (full name: Max Riot Cunningson) is 15 almost 16 & she's had a number of heats & gets her period on a schedule tht is still adjusting as her body changes & ofc her mom Chrissy helped her get birth control.

Eddie has to go on tour as the summer kicks off after everyone barely settles into their new homes in Chicago, Max decides to spend the summer in Chicago after going to a few shows of the tour, staying with Chrissy most nights but also in the house Eddie owns as a means to feel independent from time to time. She wanders around most of the summer, seeing museums, eating whatever she wants when Chrissy isn’t looking, and going into a bookstore or music shop every so often. She finds herself in a music store tht had an impressive collection of vinyls & CDs, then she sees the poster for a small concert for some local band happening in the basement of the store, it says 18+ but when she asks the omega cashier (Jonathan) he explains tht no one checks ID as long as you bring the cover charge of $5 & don’t very obviously look like a kid. There’s no alcohol allowed anyway which is why it’s advertised as 18+. Max practically skips out of the store, a new CD and the address/date of the concert on a note paper in her tote bag. The concert is on a night Chrissy agreed she could be at Eddie’s alone. She feels free as a bird.

Night of the concert she eats mac and cheese she made herself for dinner, and begins picking out what to wear. Max is an omega so she’s expected to wear a collar in public which she hates but there’s any number of creeps in the world. She decides on a black collar she got for her birthday the year before. Luckily when your dad is a world famous metal musician you have an endless choice of black as well as any rainbow of color one could want. She chooses to wear a dark purple t-shirt, her custom leather jacket Eddie paid for, her barely decorated faded red battle vest, black jeans ripped at the knees. Max lines her eyes with a color called kohl, and shoves her feet into the work boots her Grandpa Wayne had helped her pick out. Then she’s off through the nighttime to the basement of the music shop.

The basement is lit fairly well, there r seats all along the walls for ppl to take as they need, there’s a few coolers of water bottles guarded by a weasel esque man dressed like a lazy novelist in a zombie apocalypse, a small table of a meager amount of merch, a raised stage tht is set up for the band, the people around her seem to all know each other, a few people glance her way but no one acts as if she shouldn’t be there.

there’s a circle of ppl tht are very openly smoking weed near/behind the merch table, she recognizes the cashier from the other day in the smoking circle so she approaches because he’s the one person she recognizes in a new environment. Jonathan is welcoming & introduces her to the entire circle of people: Nancy his girlfriend, their merch monitor Argyle his boyfriend, their assistant merch helper B!Eleven (who’s the only one not smoking), he explains tht Eleven’s dad & his step-dad is Hopper the burly man at the door, tht the man at the coolers is the shop/building owner Murray, and his friends Robin and Steve are tangled up in a way tht makes it hard to tell who was sitting on whose lap. She introduces herself as Max Riot & everyone cheers her for her badass name. Eleven eagerly gives her a fistbump telling her tht her name & her look is bitchin’. Max compliments everyone because they’re dressed in a way she never knew punks would dress. Each person is in a slightly different aesthetic but the eclectic look of the group works. Steve explains they all enjoy different flavors of punk fashion.

When she notices the spiked collars practically everyone in the room is wearing she can’t stop from commenting abt wanting one for herself. Robin crows tht she has to go to a specific thrifted clothing store tht has a display from a leatherworker who loves making the kind of collars everyone is wearing. When Max looks uncertain Eleven offers to meet up & go with her because she needs some new shirts to cut up, tht her boyfriend Lucas might also join them because he needs a new jacket to wear under his battle vest. When Max asks if Lucas is coming to the show Eleven says he’ll likely get there shortly after the show starts because he has to finish dinner with his family & bribe his little sister with the newest fear street book before he can pretend he’s going to her house to sleep over & play video games for the next 2 days. Eleven & Max realize they’re going to the same high school & Eleven eagerly invites her to eat lunch with her, Lucas, & their friends.

Max is so absorbed in her borderline flirty conversation with El tht she’s surprised to hear the noise of drums crashing out a beat on the stage, turning around as she gawks to find the people she’d been chatting with are the band performing. Then she's lost to the music, throwing herself around the edges of the pit, jumping to the overwhelming energy of the music, yelling out the anger she's felt since fully presenting, sweating away her eyeliner, stumbling to get water, & then ending up at the front as the band crashes through their finale with Steve ripping off his shirt to throw into the crowd showing off his tattoos & pierced nipples before pulling out a nail ridden baseball bat tht he uses to smash apart an old stereo she hadn't noticed. It's electric, it's exhilarating, it's pumping adrenaline straight to her heart. The crowd calms as best a punk crowd can as they begin filing out of the basement after an encore tht features Robin at the mic singing an anti-war song from the 70s. The little concert/show was nearly two hours after all & it’s getting so late it’s almost early morning.

The band steps down from the stage as the crowd dwindles, Jonathan asks Max if she's able to join them for some food at a nearby diner & she agrees right away. She's told to just wait by the merch table with El & Lucas as they put away their instruments. Indeed a black boy is sitting behind the merch table with El in his lap. El eagerly greets her, getting up & hugging her, then happily introduces her boyfriend A!Lucas. A CD of the latest from Cannibal Impulse is pressed into her hands free of charge by Lucas while El sticks a pin badge of the band's logo onto her vest. Thus begins Max's whirlwind final month of summer vacation learning abt punk, filling her music collection w previous Cannibal Impulse CDs & other punk bands she ends up liking (both local & famous) through everyone's efforts to help her learn, investing in a new wardrobe, decorating her battle vest, & attending every show Cannibal Impulse plays tht isn't in a bar (which turns out to b the majority of them)

Chrissy is more than supportive, laughing as she thinks abt Eddie “metal is king” Munson’s reaction.

Imagine Eddie's surprise (despair) to come home from a tour shortly before school starts to his daughter blasting punk music, dressing like a punk with notably new piercings he knows Chrissy had to sign off on, loudly going out on weekends to punk shows, & coming home at all hours smelling of weed & sometimes high. He can't complain exactly, he was smoking weed at an earlier age than her, staying out at all hours, blasting metal, taking impromptu trips w his band out to the city to watch some metal concert or other. At least she calls him to let him know she got to the venue safely & to give an estimate of when she'll b home. At least she doesn't seem to have any tattoos yet.

Eventually Eddie wants to go with Max to one of these shows. Mostly because he wants to understand his daughter as she’s growing up without them growing apart, and because the band's newly established label has hit a bit of a wall when recruiting new talent. They have a number of metal artists on their label, some rock, and even a couple of bubblegum pop artists. But they feel like their catalog isn’t as well rounded as it could be. So Eddie asks to go with her, and she tells him she has to think abt it & warn her friends because none of them know her dad is world famous Eddie Munson, The Freak King of Corroded Coffin. This makes Eddie sad tht his daughter is basically hiding him from her new friends & mentors but Chrissy knocks him upside the head telling him tht she’s had less than genuine friendships before now due to her dad being a world famous musician.

When Max brings it up after a show that weekend they’re all sitting in their favorite diner digging into greasy delicious food they don’t believe her at first, but then El tells them she isn’t lying despite only have met Chrissy (El has an uncanny knack for knowing when someone is lying) so it turns to disbelief tht Metal King Munson wants to go to a punk show of his own free will. The tension between metalheads & punks is well documented after all. But all in all they agree because Max is one of them, Steve has all but adopted her, Lucas & El have tentatively begun to court her, Jonathan has been teaching her drums, Robin has donated some of her more glam articles of clothing to the cause tht is Max’s continued education in the punk scene, Nancy has helped her (as well as El & Lucas) with their homework, & Argyle makes sure that when she does occasionally join them in smoking weed she’s safe & not getting overwhelmed. So they agree tht Eddie should feel more than free to come to their upcoming show in the basement of Murray’s shop/building & they reassure Max they’re not looking for any kind of record deal.

The night of the show comes quickly & Max sheepishly brings Eddie along. Hopper’s eyes bug out of his head when he notices Eddie behind Max after greeting Max with the handshake he shares with El & Lucas. The basement becomes controlled pandemonium when people process/notice tht Eddie Munson is there in the flesh. No one approaches him for autographs & when they see he’s there with Max they leave him alone in favor of greeting Max because everyone’s gotten to know her by now especially since Cannibal Impulse took her under their wing. Eddie follows Max, feeling out of place for the first time in a long time, to the merch table where all of her closest scene friends are gathered. They’re courteous to Eddie since he’s Max’s dad, and Steve gives him a wave from where he’s a tangle of platonic limbs with Robin. Eddie takes a moment to come back to himself after staring at Steve who’s the most striking omega he’s ever seen. He ends up striking up a conversation with Lucas & El when they reveal they’re the pair that’s been courting Max since school started. Then before he knows it a guitar is wailing from the stage & he gives his attention to the show. Cannibal Impulse put on an electric show. Robin starts them out with another anti-war song this time from the 60s tht they repurposed for the punk genre. Then Steve steps up to the mic & it’s like the crowd comes to life even further. A mosh pit explodes in the room, he’s briefly concerned when Max & Lucas jump right into the center of the pit, but soon he’s absorbed with the performance the band is putting on. When the finale comes Steve’s already ripped his shirt off & as Nancy & Jonathan play a screaming duet with their instruments Steve is smashing apart a piece of equipment tht they got from their favorite recycling center with his nail bat.

#shoujo says #stranger things #omegaverse #steddie #elumax

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cupid-ghoul · 1 month ago

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💜 THIS IS MY SKELETOUR/ HANNOVER RITUAL POST 💜

this post will be spoiler free because I just want to yap about my experience - since things weren't that great at times - and maybe post an outfit pic. the cut is just for aesthetic/space reasons. lmk if you also were in Hannover and what your experience was! xox

also fyi this post mentions fainting so if you're sensitive to reading that please be aware

okay so! the good things first: the ritual was SO fun and we had a great time. I really enjoyed the feeling of no phones, it gave me the freedom to fully be in the moment and not worry about ruining my/someone else's videos.

I really loved seeing the friends we made in 2023 again and this time hang out in a vacation appartment together! we had a great time and once the next tour rolls around we'll deffo do it again!! also going to a concert with 6 other people was a feat but it worked out so well haha.

the concert itself was absolutely fantastic and I even got the chance to give a bracelet and a silly picture I drew (it started as a joke but I'm not mad at the outcome lol) to dewdrop! In exchange he gave me a pick, which almost had me pass out ngl.

so here's my little haul of everything I took home ritual/merch/pop up store-wise

my bf actually made each one of us in our group a totebag??? he's insane and I love him very much! since I'm a princess he even made my totebag with the impera grucifix instead of the regular one! he also sewed the cape and wristcuffs for my outfit! what a man 😩💜

the pop up store was also really nice, even tho the best thing about it was probably the toilet, since it was the nicest one we had access to in the queue haha (we queued for 7 hours or so since last time we saw ghost that amount of time was necessary. however the Hannover ritual only had like 8k people, but yk gas station toilets aren't the most luxurious establishments).

we also got to trade bracelets, which also added to the experience and fun! I even gave a bracelet to the security guy that helped me when I was feeling faint during the encore after I got my dew pick. he was very excited and put the bracelet on right after getting it, which was SO cute. the security in the venue was so nice in general.

I'm just gonna slap my outfit pics here because the rest of the post won't be as light-hearted and fun. so if you saw me, no you didn't (jk). my fit was literally just me going "man I want to look like the impera bugs" so we made it happen 🥰 I felt very cute ngl.

I'm very glad that my overall ritual experience was so positive and even ended with me getting a pick from my favorite ghoul.

HOWEVER

with every great experience usually comes something not so great and in this case it was the venue and some people in the crowd. idk if anyone here (besides my bf - hi bestie!!) was also in Hannover but the organisation from the venue was awful.

the day before our ritual I called both the venue and the event company to make sure that the front of stage tickets had a separate entrance and queue, as was the case with probably all german tour stops. I was assured that this would surely be the case.

so when we as a group pulled up the next day NOTHING was set up, not even the gates or anything that would help to manage the queues/crowd. these gates would then be set up 1½ hours after our arrival and to the suprise of no one there wasn't a front of stage queue or entrance. the absence of anything remotely close to queue management left the crowd to basically manage itself, which went semi-well but tbf it could have been a lot worse. when I called the event company again, another employee told me that there wouldn't be a separate queue but that I should ask a security on site for more information.

which brings me to my next point.

THERE. WAS. NO. SECURITY. ON. SITE.

the weather was really sunny and while sometimes a little wind blew, the sun was pretty much beating down on the queues. we have queued for ghost before so we had water, food, and sunscreen on hand. once it got really rough we started scheduling breaks in the shade and little walks in smaller groups to not get sunstroke.

while we managed quite well to work through the heat/sun others didn't and we were "lucky" that only one person in the queue fainted. BUT due to the lack of security outside it was once again the crowd that had to take care of the person and alert the security that was inside the venue looking out through the doors. a lady had to hop over the gates to bang against the windows so get someone's attention. and when that finally happened, the security guy strolled our LEISURELY to "check out what was going on". it took almost 20 minutes till we had a paramedic on site.

leaving a crowd to manage itself in the heat and not having security at least walk around in regular intervals is extremely irresponsible and could have ended a lot worse.

sadly we also had a few people in the crowd that just weren't as nice.

the two highlights? lowlights? of that would be

- a person in front of us who kept farting 😭 there's even a tiktok about it from another person. it was really ... something.

and

- a guy came up to me and handed me a thong that had I love men in bands (in german mind you) printed on it. apparently he got it from someone else with the task to get it to the front of the stage and later thrown on stage. he was super relieved once he got rid of it and left super quickly, which I can't really blame him for. so I started the concert with a thong in my purse and I'm sorry if you're the person that made it and wanted it thrown on stage BUT we as a corner (me, my group, and the people around us) found it highly inappropriate to do so. if someone wanted it to go to the band directly they could have given it to the head of security. but throwing it was too much and there also wasn't really an option of passing it on, since a bunch of us found it super inappropriate and were uncomfortable with the situation. I might post the ghong at one point but idk.

so now the ghong is in my home and tbh I haven't decided what to do with it. the entire ghong experience was wild to say the least.

anyways this was my rant about my ritual 💜🥰 I still had an amazing time and I'm glad we chose to go as a group of friends. however we will not be going to any concert in Hannover again!

the divider used was made by @/saradika-graphics

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fatratinatophat · 2 months ago

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Hiatus update, the future of the blog, and my plans for summer (For the blog obviously

“Wow Crumb I’m so glad you’re telling us this I missed you so much, I missed your art” said nobody but whatever, here

There’s a TLDR at the bottom if you don’t wanna listen to me yap.

So I’ve been on hiatus for a while, mainly because I’ve been sick and thus not at school and we just had April vacation, and I draw most of my art during my classes not at home so I haven’t been drawing. This hiatus SHOULD end soon, I’m currently drawing things I want to draw right now, but I WILL KEEP MY PROMISE of my first update being a New Craft page, I’m just getting back into the swing of things and finding the motivation to do so. But I need to talk about something else first:

If you haven’t noticed I’ve had like 0 motivation to do any art things for a long time

The constant hiatuses and lack of NC updates aren’t random, it’s because I dread drawing them. And I believe I’ve figured out why: The fucking schedule. I’ve noticed every time while drawing today that I end up rushing through and drawing stuff I don’t particularly want to just to fill my stupid quota and get my stupid drawings done to shove them in my queue. The result is rushed art, lack of experimentation and thus things getting stale, and dreading having to do it so taking breaks. Also the barrage of boring, transparent background bs.

This also causes a lack of notes, especially for some reason after DW became trending I’ve seen to become a bit less popular for whatever reason, getting less notes per post. NC seems to be the only thing that gets me good notes (Other than that stupid fucking Goob post I did forever ago I spent like maybe 10 minutes on that blew up, that’s STILL getting notes) and do I even have to mention any posts with my ocs on it that aren’t sketch pages that also include DW ocs, that get like- less than 10 every time.

So uh yeah not much motivation and an unhappy Crumb, but I’m here for solutions not to bitch. So, I’m NO LONGER going to have an upload schedule for my art. I’ll try and upload once weekly at least but I’m sick of rushing on everything. I’m also going to try and stop making posts with no backgrounds and just one or two characters standing around (Ironic cause I’m drawing another one but that’s more for study than to make something peak) I will however continue to do my asks that have been sitting in my inbox since LAST FUCKING YEAR (I’m slow as HELL, also all my recents have been One Forsaken request and daily fucking Gaza posts from someone I suspect to be a bot since they’re always on anon???) so that won’t change

But yeah, that’s for the general blog but now we need Crumb lore.

So, for the past 18 years of my life, every summer, I either hardly draw at all or DO NOT AT ALL for the entire few months. It helps me basically “reset” and be able to more easily dump the stuff I don’t like about my art. This has never been an issue before this cause I’ve never had actual fans and more than like 10 followers that aren’t friends before now (Insane how much I’ve grown in one year)

So the summer uploads are a bit iffy but I have 2 ideas:

-Upload nothing all summer, reblog some posts here and there to show I’m alive and return once I start college or sumn

-Upload less frequently and use the break to be REALLY experimental with things, I’ve also been toying with the idea of making a comic surrounding some of my ocs and then would be the perfect time to plan it and make it IF I DO, I dunno what I’d do and if I’m ready yet so it’s unlikely

No I’m not asking what I should do I’m saying what I could

I’ll decide later what I want I guess and of course give you guys a heads up what I’m gonna do once that time runs around. I have like a month left of school and maybe I’ll get into a rhythm and wanna keep going idk. We’ll all have to see.

Also, I WILL FINISH FUCKING NC BEFORE I DO THAT. I will upload them one after a fucking nother if I have to I want this stupid comic off of me, I’ll explain why once I’m done with it. Also chapter 2 is cancelled.

Also my Discord server is basically dead (Died after I had One Palworld hyperfixation) and I think most of them all lost interest in DW so if you guys wanna join please do I’m lonely there’s like 3 people who actually talk now help

But yeah I think I’m done. I bet like maybe 3 people read this entire thing. Anyways time for your TLDR:

-I have zip motivation for anything lately I’m trying to fix it

-I WILL BE MAKING THAT NC PAGE

-NO MORE UPLOAD SCHEDULE, it’s killing me. I’ll try uploading once weekly but don’t count on it

-I’ll try stopping the boring no background one guy standing there posts and make my posts more interesting and dynamic

-I may stop posting art over the summer, may be more experimental and upload less, might even make an oc-based comic idk

-Before I go on my summer hiatus/low uploads, I will finish New Craft, also chapter 2’s cancelled

Ok I’m done my head hurts ow

#crumb YAPS #LIKE A LOT #needed to be said though #if i said anything confusing just ask me abt it ill answer any questions anyone has

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bleachbleachbleach · 2 months ago

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4/7/-5/3/2025

I genuinely thought I had done one of these recently but it turns out it's been four weeks and the entire month of April and a lot of time has passed. Half of me is not surprised by this, because I have known this was how April was going to be since last fall, when I was populating my calendar. The dividing line in me is unsure how I am still standing on the other side and deeply upset that my reward is a bunch of miscellaneous tasks that actually also need to be done, instead of getting to evolve into a more desirable state of being, which is to be a block of tofu jiggling in a little tub of water.

So far every month this year has just been ever-contracting time available to myself until I get very upset about all the things I don't have time for and rebelliously clean a bathroom, even though that had very much not yet come up in the task queue (this Wednesday's exploit).

I have been being kept afloat by *thinking* daily about my fanfic, if not necessarily writing more than one mental line edit at a time while I am driving. But I also feel super disconnected from Bleach as a whole, and from fandom, and anything that doesn't exist in the specific context of my fanfic. And I think (?) I'd like to figure out how to rebuild that. (The question mark regards whether such a thing is possible; whether "re" is an appropriate prefix; whether trying would make me feel better or worse, etc. Because part of me is like, I mean, doing things that will feel further isolating seem a bit counterproductive? But that's probably its own post.)

Because then I'm also at this impasse where I'm like, okay, but I also want to actually write my fanfic, which is not something I have had time to do, either, and in that case t i m e is the limiting resource if we're trying to have cake and eat it. Time and energy, because I feel like for some reason every damn thing outside of my blorbos I just want to play house with requires this huge all-encompassing scope of attention. Like, nothing can be easy and everything has to be some kind of epic, whether that means strategic plans and programmatic reviews or things that are legitimately existential and serious. And every time I open my email I'm like "YOU WANT ME TO WHAT NOW." But anyway, that's not what this space is for, either.

My point for this post, really, is to call to attention for myself that all of April has apparently happened. And to acknowledge that May is going to be highly irregular and probably not that useful for re-establishing routines, but maybe if I own that, I can still try to build something in spite of this.

FIRST OF ALL, I should actually adjust the goals-as-written for once in my life instead of Duplicating the same unedited sheet over and over again. Let's start there!!!!!!!

#stories for the sea

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http-drabbles · 9 months ago

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soulmate, soulmate where are you? 2

1.3k words of absolute crushing angst, it's 7am and i woke up to write. shall i be evil and let this be the final part? mayhaps.

warnings: s/h and making jungkook sad (:W)

fuck fuck fuck.

skimming every question and typing out my answer feels a lot like betrayal. name, age, country of residence, when my soulmate mark appeared, contact details, translator needed, agreeing to a declaration that if my soulmate mark was found to be fraudulent i could face a fine or jail time. i tick the box by his name, attach a photo of my mark and send the form off. the confirmation email is too cheery it makes my jaw ache at how i grind my teeth.

i don't want to talk about the circumstances that lead me to fill out that form, to apply for a loan that covers travel cost and a hotel for this. the woman who helped me fill out the form was again all too cheery, wishing me a good luck and all i could do was smile so fucking limply back at her while noticing lipstick smudged against her teeth.

a month passes and i'm gleeful, maybe it's a network error and my form never submitted. i'm free and can tell the loan company to cancel my plan, i don't go on social media to see what jungkook is up to and in those weeks the nightmare is over and i embrace my loneliness.

the email arrives at 16:21. heathrow to seoul, a contact at hybe will meet me at the airport. id needed. date of when i'm expected to actually meet jungkook, with a disclaimer that it may change due to fluctuating schedule. the tiger lily tingles, and i almost see the petals opening ready to accept him.

"don't get your hopes up, i can always email them back to get out of this."

i don't. of course i don't because i'm standing in a Costa in London Fucking Heathrow next to the hybe contact who is analysing their croissants like it's the key to end all misery. i wished i could look at croissants with that much intensity.

she asked once to see my soulmate mark, gave it a one second glance over and then typed something down in her phone, i wondered how many people she's flown with to Korea. more than ten i would bet. i don't ask, i'm not conversational but when we're waiting in the queue holding out boarding passes i blurt to her.

"i haven't flown before. i've got a fear of it i think."

she passes me a sleeping tablet and i bump her number from ten to a solid fifteen.

korea is pretty, face practically smushed against the taxi window i take in every single detail i can. there's an over-abundance of signs, low hanging wires and roads so tiny it's a miracle a car can pass through them. i don't take photos, i rely on my brain to remember and then forget.

hybe is anything but pretty, more like a grey lump of concrete and glass. i sign two more documents and the translator informs me that in two days time i will be meeting jungkook, but not officially meeting. more like my arm will be stuck through a gap and our soulmate marks will touch, i will have to wear a mitt because some people had become a little too excited and scratchy. my mark is thoroughly inspected this time, deemed official and not a tattoo i'm driven over to my hotel.

i don't unpack, staring at the forms in my hand which are a mix of korean and english i almost laugh. traitor. stupid traitor.

over the next two days i come to two big conclusions, one kimchi is too sour but the rice cakes should be considered a universal delicacy and two, is it too late to back out?

is it too late to back out? i'm in the taxi, i consider clawing the windows for escape but i decide that digging my fingers into my belly helps ease my nerves. can i back out? hybe is cold, the ac is too strong and there's other girls in the room i'm lead into. shy smiles as i plop myself in the back. we are called alphabetically. is it possible to back out? there's four of us left now, i didn't bother counting us as a whole. i can't stop digging my nails into my stomach.

i can't back out. my name is called and somehow my body removes the hand from my belly and i walk myself over to the room. there's a row of grey screen partitions that divide the room, a small slither in the middle presumably where my arm will go. it hits me jungkook is on the other side and i bite my bottom lip hard to avoid laughing. tugging my sleeve up a staff member puts the mitt on securely, another verbal warning to not do anything harmful to the artist.

artist and not his name.

i sit down on the chair, staring into that small space to catch a sight of him but there's nothing. i don't mind a fine, or jail time. i hope it's not real. deliberately slowly i raise my arm, putting it through the gap with my tiger lily facing upwards. the air shifts around my arm and i feel him. warm as his tiger lily presses against mine.

at first nothing, and i almost let out the loudest sigh of relief and then it is everything. in the mitt my fingers jerk, i pull away like i've been electrocuted clutching my arm but it's energy, pure energy. thrum. drum. drum.

he's tearing the partitions apart and i stagger back, nearly falling over the chair to get away from him. frantic korean, something more reassuring from a staff member and then he pokes his head through. beaming smile, he's so happy to see me and i guess i'm somewhere between absolutely mortified and in complete shock. his sleeve is rolled up and i notice his tiger lily has fully blossomed, a quick glance down at mine and i realise mine is the same.

he speaks again, approaching me like he wants to hug me but seeing that i'm backing away like a rabid animal he slows, contains himself and glances at the translator and back at me.

"hello. i'm jungkook. it's nice to meet you finally." oh god. too much. he's too kind and his cologne has infiltrated my nostrils and i'm so glad the mitt is still on because i'd be clawing at my nose to stop smelling it.

"s-sorry.. can't." i give the staff member who brought me in here the universal look of, 'get-me-the-fuck-out-of-here-now.' i am ignored.

"sorry?" he tilts his head in pure confusion, he looks worried. i hate him for it. "don't be sorry. it's okay. i'm happy."

i glance around the room and notice i'm being recorded, i don't know what sets me off more. he's too close, the camera, him, why is he so close? he touches my shoulder to comfort me and i jerk away, i can't stop looking at the camera and the other staff members who are beaming at us.

"i'm sorry," my eyes lock with his, "i don't want you." he doesn't understand and i glance at the translator.

she looks sad and very softly tells him what i've said, he doesn't seem to believe her because he presses his fingers against the tiger lily and shakes his head.

"us. this is us." he's struggling to speak himself and i can see him remembering. he's really looking at my arm now, clearer. the burns, the cuts. all the times i've tried to prune that cancerous flower from my arm. almost physically wounded he takes a step back.

"i'm sorry, i don't want this." the translator repeats my words and all he does is nod.

he nods and i leave.

#bts #jeon jungkook #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #jungkook bts #bts jungkook #jungkook scenarios #jungkook drabble #jungkook fanfic #jungkook au #jungkook #jungkook imagine #jungkook fic #jungkook x y/n #jeon jungkook x reader #bts fic #bts soulmate au #jungkook angst

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starryredpandawrites · 1 year ago

Note

*Rubs hands together evily in anticipation for possible angst*

What if. . . Audrey was the one taken by the Keepers instead of Bendy?

Basically, the cutscene where the Keeper gets Audrey and she wakes up in the train, but instead they drag her off either kicking and screaming/fighting back or unconscious while Bendy is stuck fighting another horde off. I'd imagine Bendy would freak, thinking they'd torture and butcher her like they did him. Or just not being fond of Wilson getting his creepy wrinkled hands on her.

Another thought, what about Alice taking her like in the manors bathroom? Bendy being helpless due to the coils surrounding Alice's hideout, possibly trying to sneak in with his toon form, hoping he doesn't come across her gutted carcass strapped to a table like oh-so many Boris clones.

Man would he be pissed with Wilson's attempt to kill and use her to make a tool for Gent to overthrow him. Probably wouldn't take Audrey's legs getting ripped off too well either.

Yanno, depends on how far they take her.

Adding a cut because this is a little spoilery for where I plan on taking the story

I think that if they found and tried to take her while he's fighting the horde, he most likely wouldn't have gotten captured again. One of the reasons the Keepers were able to take him down was because he got so carried away ripping them to shreds he accidentally wandered into an area where the giant rainbow coil things could be activated (I forgot their actual name) and I'm sure y'all can imagine what happened after that. He could've just led them into the next room and disappeared, then came back for Audrey later, but he was having too much fun.

If he heard Audrey screaming or sensed that she had been knocked out, he would go charging back to find her. I don't think the Keepers would be able to take her that far before he would catch up. Queue him ripping the wannabe kidnapping Keepers to shreds, grabbing Audrey, and fleeing with her. Don't ask me why he didn't do that in the first place, maybe he figured it was too dangerous/risky but realized after the Keepers got her anyway he should have just done that from the start? IDK

If he was too late and they got away with her, he would do some major damage to the Pit and every area outside the signal dampeners (idk if that's their real name but that's what I'm calling them now) radius until he eventually stumbles into a dead zone and would likely get captured again. Now both of the siblinks are captured and Audrey would have no idea and possibly think Bendy gave up on her and is ignoring her.

Oof, the angst possibilities there are huge and hurt my heart, so let's go back to the happy-ish version where he gets her back.

I say happy-ish because I see two possible courses of action that Bendy could take after saving Audrey from the Keepers.

He takes her back to his lair and basically imprisons her there. He cares about her too much to risk losing her again, sort of giving up on his goal of defeating Wilson and taking back control of the cycle in favor of hoarding her all to himself. She is obviously unhappy with this and keeps trying to sneak out but he's gotten way too good at finding her for her to really get that far. They spend their time watching cartoons, fighting/arguing over Audrey's agency and poor past choices, and playing together when Bendy is in his toon form (It's really hard for Audrey to stay mad at him in that form). This also would have happened if he hadn't been captured and was able to return to Audrey's hiding place after dealing with the Keeper horde like he was in the fic. Eventually, Wilson would force their hand by sending Keepers all throughout the studio/ink world to look for Audrey and idk what would happen after that. Endgame type stuff probably. Kind-of a fun alternate ending to think about.

He panics so much at the thought of losing her again that once he does get her back he devours her/takes her soul like he does at the end of the game and they become big ink monster right in the Gent building. When Audrey wakes up she feels super unhappy and betrayed and wants to yell at him but they get attacked by more Keepers almost instantly after the transformation is complete. So, Audrey willingly lets the Ink Demon handle the fighting while she sort-of mopes in a corner of their mind. I imagine with their combined power, the dampeners hardly do more than give them a headache so after they destroy the Keepers, Bendy would get started on just absolutely obliterating the Gent building. Audrey would let him until they get to the prison cells, where she holds him back from killing Henry and Sammy and just frees them instead (Bendy also has more empathy for Henry after hearing his side of things during Audrey's conversation with him, so it's not as hard to convince him as you might think). She would probably steer him clear of Big Steve too, but everything else is free game. Together, they go on a massive destructive rampage, and without Memory Joey's little speech to inspire her, I don't think Audrey could stop it even if she wanted to. Honestly, she would probably start relishing in the destruction almost as much as the Ink Demon seeing as she has some pretty good reasons to hate the place after getting kidnapped by Wilson. Speaking of Wilson, they would super duper murder him dead. Like, super dead. Possibly Betty too but I would hope Audrey would have the self-control to spare her. Story would probably end with Henry, Allison and maybe some others like Memory Joey teaming up to take them down. I think they could probably talk Audrey down and convince her to look into the End reel to restart the cycle. This would be a major betrayal in Bendy's eyes and permanently damage their relationship, so maybe we could see this as a sort-of bad alternate ending for the fic.

If you're still here after that major case of word vomit, congratulations! Let's talk about Alice/Malice Angel

Warning of MAJOR incoming spoilers, skip to the next paragraph if you want to avoid those:

I actually do plan on keeping Malice kidnapping Audrey in the story. When Bendy sees her get kidnapped (he's free at this point) he gets so panicked he DOES come after her again, this time in his toon form. Shenanigans ensue, such as Audrey thinking to herself while chained to her chair, "Well, at least Bendy's safe." and then looking up and seeing him in his very adorable and very vulnerable, toon form right above where the murderous Malice Angel is monologuing at her.

I won't spoil more than that but hopefully you get the gist.

And yes, Bendy is going to be super pissed at Wilson no matter what he does, but especially for stealing Audrey away (going off the idea that Wilson successfully kidnaps her while Bendy is fighting off Keepers). I would hope he would be fast enough in intervening against Shipsahoy Dudley to prevent her from getting her legs ripped off this time but who knows what could happen ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

If you made it this far, congratulationsX2!! Have a gold star ⭐ I appreciate you so much for reading my silly little thoughts and hope you have a fantastic day 🖤🤍🖤

#batdr #batim #bendy #audrey drew #henry stein #wilson arch #batdr audrey #batdr wilson #the ink demon #ink demon #Malice Angel #bendy and the ink machine #bendy and the dark revival #sammy lawrence #born from the same ink #answered ask #ask

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bobalegsanji · 7 months ago

Text

Umakemenotwannadie

Chapter 1 ☆ Chapter 2 ☆ Chapter 3 ☆ Chapter 4 ☆ Chapter 5 ☆ Chapter 6

Sanji just needs a little love in a world that couldn’t care less

Modern magic AU. Zosan. Chapters: 6/?.

Trigger Warnings: depression, substance abuse, implied drug addiction, past childhood abuse, panic/anxiety attacks

One Piece Masterlist

It wasn’t long until Robin entered the living room, another old book in hand and a determined gaze at Sanji.

Ugh .

‘’Dear cook, are you free tonight?’’

Well, he can’t hide in his bedroom, so no use lying. ‘’Let me at least make some tea and smoke a cigarette before we start.’’

She smiles, taking her seat at the table. ‘’As you wish.’’

…

Hiyori doesn’t leave until 11. The moment the front door slams, Sanji sees it as his cue to go to bed. He excuses himself, promising the raven-haired woman he’ll make up for the lost time with some self-study.

Just to be sure, he knocks on his bedroom door.

‘’Hmm, come in.’’

Sanji opens the bedroom door and peeks inside. Zoro is laying on his own bed, actually wearing a shirt for once.

‘’Hey.’’ He walks in, straight to bed. If he’s lucky, he might be able to sleep the full night.

‘’Why’d you knock? It’s your room, too.’’ Zoro looks confused. He’s got both hands behind his head, the position makes his arms flex and Sanji might stare just a bit too long.

He’s just impressed. That’s it, he thinks. It’s because of Hiyori, he’s just horny and lonely. At least his bed looks untouched.

‘’You gonna answer, or what?’’

‘’Huh? Yea, I wasn’t sure what you were doing.’’ He lets himself fall flat on his back on the bed.

Zoro just stares at the ceiling. It creeps Sanji out a bit, but it’s not really his problem, so whatever. If only he would turn off the light. Isn't him laying down in bed a good enough hint that if Zoro so desperately wants to stare at a light, he can do it somewhere else?

‘’We’re going out tomorrow.’’

Sanji sighs and rolls over, so he’s facing the wall. With a bit of luck, the idiot can maybe take this hint and leave him be. ‘’I know, you fucking genius. Managed to find your way to the group chat for once?’’

He doesn’t respond.

After a while, Zoro starts to move behind him. Not too long after, the light turns off.

It’s finally quiet. It doesn’t take long for Sanji’s eyelids to grow heavy. When he’s almost asleep, Zoro breaks the silence again.

‘’I’m not going to talk with you about feelings and shit, just so you know.’’

Sanji opens his eyes. He’s listening.

‘’I don’t want to hear anything about your classes or anything, that’s not my problem.’’

He’s almost ready to talk back to him. How is Zoro such an asshole? Zero-empathy, idiot, stupid, moss-

‘’But if you don’t want to go tomorrow, tell me, and I’ll figure something out. I don’t know why you’re so fucking annoying about people being near you, but I trust it you have a good reason for it.’’

He’s not sure how to respond. Not even sure if he should respond. Does Zoro want an answer, or just want to make himself feel better by saying something?

…

“You don’t have to have an answer, just let me know you heard me.”

“Don’t call me stupid, Marimo.”

Zoro laughs softly. “Good night, stupid cook.”

Sanji grumbles something similar to good night. He’s glad that the darkness hides his smile.

─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ─

The walk from the metro station to the club provides him enough time to smoke exactly three cigarettes.

It’s not far from their house at all, only four metro stops, but something in Sanji knows they’re going to a place a bit further than where they usually go so Sanji doesn’t have to be surrounded by magic all night.

He’d like to take the credit for figuring that out himself, but honestly, Chopper told him over breakfast.

He’s thankful for it, even though he’s still a bit wary. New experiences are always scary, but that’s what he’s been searching for. If every few minutes he has to swallow the lump of anxiety in his throat down, so be it. Can’t back down now that he finally gets what he wished for.

“Ah, there’s a queue,” Luffy says, disappointed. “I hate waiting!”

His arm is thrown over Usopp’s shoulder, who’s leaning back on him heavily. How they’re walking like this, Sanji doesn’t understand.

“Such lightweights,” Franky snickers. “We barely drank at home.”

“It’s kind of endearing,” Robin points out.

“It’s tragic,” Zoro sighs. “I’m not making sure they’re getting home tonight.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Nami says confidently. She pulls her already way too small shirt a bit lower, showing even more cleavage. Sanji feels his blood slowly rush to his head, he quickly turns his attention to Luffy next to him.

Nami grabs Robin’s hand and drags her to the front of the row.

Not even three minutes later, Nami comes running back to them. She grabs Brook’s hand and starts dragging him to the front. “Come on, we fixed it.”

She sticks out her hand to grab Sanji as well, but changes her mind midair. “You too, let’s go. Robin is inside already.”

The bouncer’s face lights up when he sees Nami again. “Is that everyone?”

“Yep.”

Sanji looks around to be sure,“ Actually, we’re missing Mosshead and Chopper.”

Nami looks around, obviously annoyed. When she confirms they are gone, she returns her attention to the bouncer. She blinks her eyes seductively, “You remember Zoro and Chopper, right? Green hair, tall, muscular. Small, brown hair, think you can let them in when you see them?”

His eyes travel down to her shirt. “That’s no problem, Nami. I’ve been wondering when you’d be back.”

She smiles as she drags both Brook and Franky by the hand inside. “Don’t worry, this won’t be the last time,” she winks as she says it.

The inside is exactly as Sanji imagined. Luckily, there are not that many people near the tables among the walls, including the one that’s already been occupied by Robin. She’s sitting very close to the door. At least it’s a quick exit if he starts to feel overwhelmed.

“Do you come here often?” Sanji asks no one in particular.

“Sometimes,” Usopp’s words are already slurring slightly. “Haven’t been in a while, though. Makes more sense to go to the magic ones, our people, you know?”

“Right.” Their people.

“Don’t listen to him,” Brook tells him as he sits down at the table. “You’re one of us as well.”

Sanji gives a thankful smile.

Franky gets drinks for everyone, and Sanji can’t lie, it’s kind of fun. It really is like drinking at home, but with the added opportunity of making fun of other people.

It doesn’t take long for Sanji to feel a slight buzz. It’s a comfortable one, washing away his worries and making him more talkative.

Suddenly, Chopper is standing in front of them. “Hi! I’m sorry, Zoro got a call and he walked away and then he got lost and then I was lost as well and-“

Everyone is occupied with listening to Chopper’s story. Sanji’s eyes scan the room, looking for Zoro. If Chopper’s here, where’s the Mossball?

“Where’s Zoro?” He asks Usopp, who is sitting next to him.

He looks around with hazy eyes. “Oh, over there!”

He points at the door. As promised, Zoro is standing there, having a discussion with the bouncer. He’s holding something, while Zoro keeps pointing at it.

“What’s wrong? Should we help him?” Not that Sanji cares about him being here, but why didn’t Chopper stay with him?

“Don't worry, he just has to show his magic ID. They’re kind of prissy about it here.” Usopp takes a shot, passing another full shot glass to him. “Drink up.”

“Magic ID?” He’s confused, he doesn’t have anything like that. Never had, as far as he knows. Is it a cultural difference? Or did his family just never give him his? “What’s that? I don’t- I mean, you didn't have to show anything, right?”

The upside of being tipsy is that if Sanji’s tipsy, Usopp is definitely drunk.

“Uhhh, you don’t know anything, huh? It's an ID card for users with dangerous magical abilities. It’s for safety and stuff, so they know who they are letting in. Most normal clubs refuse him, this one is fine, just a bit annoying about checking it every fucking time.”

Sanji physically feels the air being knocked out of his lungs. If he hadn’t drank so much, he’d probably be able to fully process it, but he can't. He just closes his eyes, trying to wrap his head around Usopp’s explanation. “He’s dangerous?”

Usopp starts laughing hysterically.

Sanji’s face immediately flushes from embarrassment. This revelation is stressful enough without the others asking questions about what’s so funny.

Shut up , Sanji thinks. I’m trying to figure something out here.

His laughing grabs the attention of the other people at the table.

Sanji quickly takes the shot Usopp passed him earlier to regain his composure.

Luffy refills the glass the moment it touches the table. He throws it back again immediately.

‘’Sorry, I got a call and couldn’t find my way back.’’ Suddenly, Zoro is right next to him, busy tucking a small, pink card into his wallet, and Sanji can feel his head swim with oh no not him what’s he doing why did Usopp tell me this what now

His eyes wander over to the empty shot glass in front of Sanji. He must have seen him take the previous shot. That annoying smirk blossoms on his face. ‘“Well, well. Do you mind sharing your glass, or are you a little bitch about that as well?’’

He hates it. He hates how easy it is for Zoro to get under his skin. Sanji would call him out for his annoying, bitchy behaviour right now, if his head wasn’t swimming with liquor already.

Zoro takes this time to refill the small glass, already holding it in one hand. ‘’Well? Made up your mind yet?’’

He knows Zoro is just trying to get a rise out of him, but Sanji’s a simple man. He quickly takes the full shot glass out of his hand, careful to avoid touching, and throws it back as well.

His throat burns. His eyes are closed. When did that happen?

He opens his eyes from a loud slam. The sound came from himself, slamming the glass down on the table. He pushes it over to where Zoro is still standing, looking down at him. ‘’I’m done with it. Time to catch up, Mossy.’’

Zoro smirks, eyes looking satisfied from Sanji to the bottle. If he notices the slight slur in Sanji’s speech, he doesn’t say anything. He refills his glass as he speaks, ‘’Didn’t think you had it in you, Curly.’’

The satisfied look in his eyes, the smirk, the nickname… A foreign feeling blossoms into his abdomen. It’s neither comfortable nor uncomfortable, but it’s certainly unwished for right now. Sanji’s not ready to decipher those feelings right now.

He doesn’t respond, and luckily, it seems Zoro doesn’t expect an answer. He just takes a seat across from him and continues talking to the others.

…

The conversation makes no sense, at least, to Sanji it doesn’t. He closes his eyes, trying to focus on the words and sentences and grammar, and what did Luffy just say? Why does everyone respond so quickly, while he still hasn’t processed the first word he’s said?

Then he has to open his eyes again because the room is spinning, even with his eyes closed, but his eyes are so droopy, he’s not sure if he can keep them open. He’s dizzy, like he’s stuck on a carousel that’s currently going a hundred miles an hour.

He takes a moment to look around the table. Everyone is excited, loud, talking, in various states of drunkness. Actually, Usopp doesn’t look excited. Sanji’s not sure how drunk he looks right now, but it can definitely not be worse than Usopp.

‘’I would kill for a cigarette right now, Sanji...?’’

He looks across the table. He knows the voice came from Nami, but why won’t his eyes focus? He blinks a couple of times, hoping that’ll fix his blurry vision.

‘’Sanji? Are you okay?’’ He knows it’s Robin, but she sounds muffled and distant. He’s not used to drinking this much.

Wait, did Nami just ask for a cigarette? ‘’Smoke?’’ He brings out.

He hears Zoro laugh. ‘’Shouldn’t have tried to impress me by drinking so much, shit cook.’’

Sanji doesn’t care, it’s not like he drank for Zoro anyway, but let him believe he’s that important to him. Nami’s words triggered that familiar itch, and now he can’t focus on anything but satiating that feeling. Also, the idea of his beautiful Nami with one of his cigarettes between her lips might’ve led to a small hint of arousal. Nothing anyone can prove, though.

Wait, does Nami smoke? Whatever, that’s for sober-him to think about.

‘’Can you just tell me where your cigarettes are?’’ Nami asks.

He shakes his head, ‘’Wanna come with.’’

He stands up. Besides a bit of stumbling, he’s actually quite stable. He quickly puts on his suit jacket, checking the front pocket for the new packet he picked up this morning.

Nami doesn’t seem to care about his unsteady appearance. ‘’Here.’’ She hands him the end of Robin’s purple shawl.

‘’Huh?’’ Sanji just stares at the lavender colour in his hands. It’s pretty. Somewhere, in the very, very back of his mind, this colour would make him think of peace. It’s the colour of lying in bed after a long day, of the birds he always saw sunbathing in the tree outside his window.

He gulps, closing his eyes to try and block away the memories. Not now, he thinks.

He feels the shawl being tucked. Nami is dragging him along with her via the shawl.

Sanji stumbles along. She’s staying near the walls, so he really has no reason not to. Plus, it feels kind of weird and childish to need a guide like this, but, good? Intimate, even. It’s a new low, being so touch starved that being dragged along by a shawl feels comforting.

‘’Wait, the exit isn’t this way...?’’

He’s not sure how Nami heard him through all the commotion. ‘’I know, there’s another exit somewhere around here…’’ Suddenly she gasps and drops the shawl. Sanji kind of falls forward, not expecting her to suddenly let go. He hadn’t noticed how much he was relying on Nami leading the way. He manages to catch himself before his face hits the wall.

‘’Nojiko!’’ She happily screams. ‘’Wait a second, Sanji, I’ll be right back.’’

And off she goes, leaving Sanji alone in a big, crowded room, utterly drunk and with only a purple glitter shawl to protect himself.

It’s fine , Sanji thinks. She’ll be back in a bit. I’ll just wait here.

Of course, he’s fine. Sanji is a big boy, someone that can definitely deal with being left alone piss-drunk in a dimly lit, very crowded room. It’s not like he’s scared of other people, or something.

Sanji closes his eyes. He tried to follow Nami’s silhouette with his eyes, but she went too fast. The flashing lights don’t help with his dizziness. It’s disorienting.

And suddenly he realises it’s so hot. There’s too many people around him, moving and screaming and drinking. The brunette to his left is definitely getting a bit too close for comfort. He takes a step away from her, almost stumbling over someone’s bag thrown on the floor.

He can feel his breathing become more shallow and rapid, and is that sweat? Why are there so many people? They’re too close and too loud and it’s too much -

He clutches the shawl tightly in both hands, hoping to ground himself, but to no avail.

He doesn’t want to wait for Nami to return. He’s not unfamiliar with the panic that’s slowly but steadily growing in his chest, but he has to find a way to stop it right now. Once it’s bigger than himself, he knows he’ll lose control, and he can’t let that happen. Not now, or ever again, but especially not around his new friends.

Sanji can’t think straight, he can’t focus on anything but the feeling in his bones telling him to get out .

If only he knew where the exit Nami was talking about is.

I just have to calm down , he thinks. Fewer people and I’ll be good as new. I can deal with this.

The place can’t be that big. Nami will be able to find him, but he can’t stay here. Not in such a vulnerable position. He feels claustrophobic, almost like he’s suffocating. Like the oxygen has been sucked out of the room and no one seems to notice but him. He closes his eyes tightly, bracing himself for what he’s about to do.

He claws at the wall with a shaky hand, shawl clutched still in the other, and walks. His steps are slow and calculated, the alcohol makes it hard to predict where the people in front of him are going.

It’s hard walking like this. Everything is still spinning, either from the alcohol or panic, probably both. He hadn’t noticed, but Nami had been an anchor of stability and safety. His breath hitches every time someone suddenly moves closer to him. His throat is dry, but focusing on it for too long makes him lightheaded. And so, he keeps walking, urging himself to focus on anything but the gnawing anxiety in his throat. If someone sees him struggling and comes over to help him, he’s not even able to tell them off with how laboured his breathing has become.

Luckily, he quickly comes across a door without directly running into anyone.

He pushes the handle, for a split second he’s scared the door is locked, but then it budges. He throws his whole body weight against the door, quickly closing it behind him and letting himself fall against it.

Everything feels unreal. The people behind him, the noises they make, it all feels fake. Sanji feels completely disconnected from the world. His knees give in, and he drops to the floor.

Pain spikes up through his body, but he has no time to look for the source. His mind is too occuppied trying to take in his surroundings, but it’s difficult in his current state. He’s in some sort of corridor, parallel to the actual clubroom. It’s very long and dark. He has no time to think about the logistics of it any further, not with the knot in his stomach about to burst.

His eyes keep closing unintentionally, no matter how hard he tries to keep them open. The feeling of anxiety overwhelms him, taking up all his focus, until he’s completely drowning in the overwhelming urge to cry. He wants so badly to fight it, to just stand up and walk away, but he can’t move his legs. His heart pounds in his chest, echoing in his ears. The noise of the club assaults him from all sides.

It’s as if the walls are closing in on him, each inhale feels shallow and insufficient.

‘’Sanji?’’

He can’t respond, can’t even fully process what is happening. His senses are heightened; the voice and footsteps running towards him are overpoweringly loud, so why can’t he link a name to the voice?

‘’Sanji, what are you doing here? I’ve been looking for you for 10 minutes and – Oh fuck.’’

He opens his eyes, praying fiercely he doesn’t look as pathetic as he feels. His vision is blurry, but he can make out Chopper’s worried face. He’s dropped right in front of him, so close that all he has to do is stretch out his arm and touch him-

‘’No!’’ The sound is muffled, the voice is unfamiliar.

‘’What’s wrong, Sanji?’’ Chopper’s eyes desperately scan his face. ‘’’No’ what?’’

Sanji tightly shuts his eyes, trying to escape from Chopper’s fierce gaze.

‘’What happened?’’ Chopper sounds so scared , it tugs at Sanji’s heartstrings.

Sanji just shakes his head. He clasps his hands in front of his face. It’s wet, he hadn’t realised he had started crying.

‘’Are you in pain? Sanji? Where’s Nami?’’

He wants to nod his head: everything hurts so much, but it doesn’t hurt enough at the same time. He wants to scream, and whisper, and yell at Chopper to please help him, but he can’t. Hell, he can’t even move. He has no control over anything right now, not even his own voice.

‘’Stay here, I’ll get Brook, okay?’’

He hears Chopper run away. He wants to shake his head, wants to use his wheezing voice to tell him no one else needs to see him like this. The hands on his face make breathing even harder, and as frustrating as it is, he can’t put them down right now. He’s scared that if he lets go, there will be nothing left to hold him up anymore.

Sanji’s not sure how long he’s been sitting here. It feels like seconds have passed, but it feels like it’s been hours at the same time. Throughout all of this, he still hasn’t been able to take a proper breath.

‘’He’s in here.’’ It’s Chopper again. The loud footsteps make him flinch. For a split second, he recognises the footsteps. The light but fast tread, the stone ground that makes the exact same echo in the empty room, Niji .

He whimpers loudly. He slaps himself before he can realise what he’s doing. Anything to get the memories out of his head.

Don’t get too close don’t get too close don’t get too close

He hears noises from the club behind him and someone falling in front of him. Niji ? No, that can’t be. Chopper ? Brook ? He can’t take a look. The loud noise startled him, making him tug his hair. Hard.

‘’Sanji, what happened?’’ Brook asks, sounding completely panicked.

He tugs harder. The pain and embarrassment of the situation made him feel worse. He lets out a subdued cry.

‘’Sanji, can you let go of your hair for a moment?’’

The pain doesn’t help. The thud thud thud in his ears of his beating heart feels like a ticking time bomb, like all it takes is a little more adrenaline for his heart to combust.

‘’Brook, do something!’’

Zoro? If Sanji could afford to panic more right now, he would.

‘’What the fuck do you want me to do, I can’t touch him,’’ Brook screams angrily.

‘’Just do something!’’

Sanji wants to scream at them to shut the fuck up, but he’s not sure how to direct his body to do that. Focussing on their voices only intensifies the dizziness. Another intense wave of anxiety washes over him, making him groan a pathetic, weak whimper and tug his hair once more.

‘’Sanji, I’m going to touch you now, okay?’’

‘’No!’’ Another tug. The sickening thud thud thud in his ears .

‘’I’m a healer, remember? I can’t promise I can take away your pain, but I can try, okay?’’

He’s so nauseous. Everything is too much and too loud and too bright and-

And then everything is quiet.

He feels light, like the weight of the world he usually carries on his shoulder is finally being passed on to someone else. There’s a soothing presence on his hands. It’s comforting, the need to self-destruct immediately recedes; he relaxes his fingers, focussing on the gentle, warm pressure on them. His eyes are closed, but all he sees is white. He still feels a slight discomfort, a slight nausea and dizziness, but he feels present . Like his spirit and body have reconciled into one.

It only lasts for a moment, until Brook jerks his hands away, but for Sanji it feels like eternity.

Sanji opens his eyes. He’s still a bit confused and disoriented, but the world stopped spinning.

Brook is on his knees in front of him, or he was, at least. It’s like he fell back, now holding himself up with both hands, staring at Sanji. He looks freaked out, it’s a look Sanji has never seen on him before.

‘’Brook?’’

Sanji’s eyes follow the sound of the voice. It’s really Zoro. He’s standing on the opposite side of the room, half-leaning against the wall, and not taking his eyes off of the two. He looks equally worried, but not as terrified as Brook.

‘’Sanji?’’ His body jerks forward, like he wants to come closer, but stops himself. ‘’Are you fine? Did it work?’’

He opens his mouth to say something, but his mouth feels funny. ‘’Uh…’’

‘’He’s got a bit more colour to his cheeks,’’ Chopper says, relieved. He walks up from somewhere besides Sanji, he hadn’t even noticed him there the whole time. ‘’He’s probably just a bit dazed by Brooks magic. I think he’ll be fine.’’

‘’Guess so… Brook?’’ Zoro returns his attention to Brook, who hasn’t moved yet.

Chopper squads in front of him, lightly touching his cheek. Brook looks alarmed, he takes his eyes off Sanji to look at Chopper.

‘’He’s… Sa- Sanji’s… What?’’ He immediately looks back at Sanji.

Zoro takes a few steps towards Brook. He clasps a hand on his shoulder, probably meant as a comfort, but the gesture just startles him. ‘’You did well, Brook.’

Sanji’s the first to say he’s still very out of it, but he’s calm. He just stares at the scene in front of him, trying to blink away the sleep in his eyes. He wishes he had some water to hydrate his dry throat. He slowly brings a hand up to his face. It feels weird being able to control his body, he lets out a giggle.

‘’What’s with him?’’ He hears Zoro say.

‘’It’s Brook’s ability, don’t mind him. It’s basically like he’s high right now, it should wear down in a couple of minutes,’’ Chopper says.

‘’Hmm. And him?’’

Sanji can't see the worried look Zoro sends him, or the hand he put on Brook’s head.

‘’I’m not sure…’’

His fingers touch his cheek. They’re wet. He’s not dumb, he knows they’re tears, but something in him is so curious to taste it. He licks his index finger and immediately flinches, ‘’Eww.’’

‘’Well, you’re supposed to be a medical stude– What the actual fuck, cook?’’ Zoro sounds annoyed.

Sanji looks up, shocked. His eyes find Zoro’s, and he smiles. ‘’Zoro!’’

A vein in Zoro’s forehead twitches.

Sanji smiles brightly, ‘’cute.’’

Zoro closes his eyes and opens his mouth, but before he can bring out anything else, Brook comes in between.

‘’Sanji’s magical.’’

Zoro gets that angry, irritated frown he always sports whenever he has to think about something. ‘’You’re wrong,’’ He doesn’t miss a beat.

‘’I think you might have… misfelt something, Brook,’’ Chopper states, looking worriedly at Sanji who’s now playing with Robin’s shawl.

‘’I know what I felt,’’ he sounds far away, like he’s thinking hard about it.

‘’I’ve been sharing a room with that dimwit for weeks, he’s normal.’’ Zoro takes a step closer to Sanji, waving his hand in front of his eyes. ‘’Hey, you good?’’

‘’I know what I felt,’’ Brook says angrily. ‘’He has that... That spark. I could feel it.’’

Sanji follows Zoro’s hands with his eyes. After a couple of seconds, he sticks out his hand to touch him.

Zoro jerks his hand back. ‘’I think he’s defect.’’

‘’Stop messing around with Sanji!’’ Chopper sounds annoyed. ‘’I told you, he’ll be fine!’’

Zoro takes Sanji’s state in for a couple of seconds. After a moment, he takes his keys out of his back pocket and throws them on the floor in front of Sanji. ‘’Here, play with that while the adults talk.’’

Sanji quickly picks them up, smiling to himself at the tinkling sound they make.

‘’I’m serious,’’ Brook resumes. ‘’He has some kind of magic flowing inside of him. I’m not sure what kind, or how strong, but he has something .’’

‘’Maybe some of his family is magic, but he hasn’t inherited enough? Is that possible?’’ Zoro asks doubtfully, obviously not really trusting Brook’s words.

‘’Yes, maybe he has too few to be magic, but enough that you can feel it?’’ Chopper asks hopefully.

Brook looks sceptical at Sanji, whose head keeps nodding off while still holding Zoro’s keys. His magic can help sober people up, but has side effects of drowsiness and tiredness. Sometimes it makes people feel intoxicated. Poor Sanji.

‘’I don’t know… I usually don’t feel anything unless they really have a proper amount of magic.’’

The three are quiet. Zoro breaks the silence, saying what they’re all thinking. ‘’Think he’s an adeptblood?’’

Chopper and Brook don’t respond for a while.

‘’Let’s go home,’’ Chopper says after a while. ‘’He’s going to feel really tired and embarrassed once he comes down from that high, not even taking into account why he was in that state to begin with.’’

They nod. Zoro walks up to Sanji, ‘’Cook, we’re going home. Let’s go.’’

He opens his eyes to look at Zoro. They’re drowsy. ‘’Home?’’

Zoro nods, picking up the shawl Nami had given him and gives him the other end. ‘’Hold onto this.’’

He stands up. Now that the world has stopped spinning, Sanji feels light and euphoric. The first step he takes feels like he’s flying. ‘’Home,’’ he repeats, sounding content.

Zoro laughs softly. ‘’Yes, home. Hold onto that shawl for me, will you?’’

Sanji smiles at the tinkling sound of Zoro’s keys in his other hand.

Chapter 1 ☆ Chapter 2 ☆ Chapter 3 ☆ Chapter 4 ☆ Chapter 5 ☆ Chapter 6

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oneweek-mkg · 1 year ago

Text

“Hello, to all of those listening to this. My name is unimportant, and what is lies in what it is that I do. One week ago today, the world was met with a flurry…of cards.“

“Every man, woman, non-binary individual, and seemingly sentient soul upon this earth was given what we’ve elected to refer to as ‘Tarrow Cards’, with a title on the front and a single word on its back.”

“Regardless of age, your card appears to have given you a new fascinating ability, most of which the world has never seen before. The world is changing quickly, it seems. No matter your belief on the state of the world before that day, it is now impossible to deny the supernatural state of this landscape we all live within.”

“Over the past ten years, you’ve likely read about the experimental city being built over international waters in the Atlantic Ocean. In this past week, due to the abilities of certain individuals involved, we’re able to now announce the opening of said city, in one month’s time.“

“We will require no passports, and no qualifications for citizenship. We have food, shelter, optional employment, and anything else you may wish to find.”

“I’ve been studying these cards, and the changes humanity has gone through very carefully. And I can state now, without a shadow of a doubt…this is a change for the better.”

An announcement that all throughout the world heard. Through the radio, through the papers. You heard or read it. The world is changing. It’s for the better, then…?

Followed by an announcement that all throughout the world heard, but none remembered.

The voice echoed throughout the world, seemingly without a source, heard both everywhere and nowhere. Somewhere within all that nowhere, this voice reached a room, lit by a single computer monitor. And in that room, something listened.

“WOW! THAT’S A LOTTA WORDS TO SAY, ‘DO NOT TRUST ME, I PROBABLY SMELL!’”

“C'MON, ‘MY NAME IS UNIMPORTANT,’ ‘NO QUALIFICATIONS FOR CITIZENSHIP,’ ‘FREE FOOD,’ LIKE HELLO? RED FLAG? THAT’S SOME MONDO SUSPICIOUS SHIT.”

“HONESTLY IF THOSE CHUDS BELIEVE THAT, THEY SHOULD GO TOUCH GRASS. I DID IT ONCE. HATED IT. BUT IT WAS GOOD FOR ME! NOW I HAVE SPECIAL EYES THAT LET ME SEE THROUGH BULLSHIT LIKE THIS.”

“… EH, I COULD USE SOME ENTERTAINMENT! MIGHT AS WELL GRAB A FRONT ROW SEAT FOR THIS SHITSHOW.”

“NOW, I JUST NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET ANYWHERE.”

“THIS MIGHT TAKE AWHILE…”

—

One Week: Brand New Life is a discord based 20+ Danganronpa OC roleplay, featuring discord submission trials and an active, plot-relevant deadzone, allowing dead characters to continue to freely interact with the living if they wish. Our cast will be exploring their recently developed powers in an ever expanding city over international waters that you yourself will help define and build. Twenty characters from across the world will get to experience a unique, extended prologue that will cover one year of in-game time, before the actual MKG begins. We aim to bring you a potentially lighter, relaxed environment, both in and out of character; while still being following the typical killing game formula.

The game will feature a flexible 4 to 5 week schedule over 5 chapters, as well as a prologue and endgame, with trials that last several days to accommodate varying timezones and schedules. Our trial system will be submission-based over discord, allowing players to submit their trial posts directly to the server’s trial channel, while still managing a flexible queue. The game will allow for supernatural, alien, robotic, and fantastical characters, as well as normal humans - although no matter your character’s initial status, everyone will be experiencing a new power set, to spread the love! The game will not feature a mistrial system, but will pledge itself into working dutifully with its murder teams to create cases that are both satisfyingly difficult, as well as ultimately solvable, without pushing cast nor killer unnecessarily far. APPS OPEN / APPS CLOSE 3/10!

#mkgrp #MKG rp #drrp #Danganronpa rp

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pinkkami · 2 years ago

Text

Next to you - p.js

Blaring music, sweaty bodies, and alcohol: a summary of the usual clubbing experience. Although I never was a regular club-goer, I had to admit it hit the spot sometimes, especially as a stressed second-year university student who needed a bit of release every once in a while. And after a strenuous week packed with midterms, a night out was exactly what my body craved.

"I don't know if I can survive another week of midterms..." Rei mumbled as we were waiting in line to enter the club. Rolling my eyes, I turned to her and gently gripped her shoulders.

"Rei, right now I need you to focus on the fact that we're about to get absolutely plastered. You can worry about the future tomorrow." My words managed to coax a smile out of her, and I shot her a grin in response. Rei, my best friend since we had met back in our freshman year of high school. Her sweet demeanor and fierce loyalty were apparent from the first time we met, despite her shyness, and I immediately knew I wanted to pursue a friendship with her. Now, five years later, we were inseparable despite attending different colleges. She was an art major at Iwha University while I studied law at Seoul University.

"Wony's already inside with Yujin, and Hanni should be on her way here with Yunjin." my friend reminded me, and I nodded absentmindedly while scanning the clubs' queue for familiar faces.

"Also Heeseung is there with his friends." My eyes immediately shifted toward Rei as she smiled slyly.

"You're kidding." She shook her head and pulled out her phone to show me that Heeseung had posted a story on Instagram just a couple minutes ago at the establishment we were about to enter. I squealed and hugged Rei.

"Oh my god!" I exclaimed excitedly. You see, Heeseung had been my campus crush for about two years now. He was majoring in Business Administration along with our friend Yunjin, so I was able to meet him through her. His perfect smile and round eyes pulled me in from the moment we met and I had been smitten ever since. Although we texted every now and then, we were merely acquaintances, and I had been wanting to get closer to him for quite a while.

Once we got past the bouncers and left our coats in the cloakroom, the nervousness started to be replaced with excitement.

"Do you think I should shoot my shot?" I asked Rei.

"Absolutely! You've been infatuated with him for months, it's about time." She nodded encouragingly, and I bit my lower lip considering it.

"Let's just see how the night evolves, but first we need to find our friends."

We eventually located Wonyoung and Yujin having a drink by the bar. They greeted us with a warm hug and we wasted no time in heading to the dance floor. Soon after, Hanni and Yunjin joined us, blaming their tardiness on everyone but themselves.

At some point during the night, we bumped into Heeseungs' group and got to mingling. There were four of them in total, but I only really knew Heesung and Jay. I had met the latter a few months back at one of Yunjin's gigs, where they both performed with electric guitars. Even though his sharp eyes and defined jaw made him appear intimidating, he was extremely kind and polite once you engaged in a conversation with him. After that, I didn't expect to see him again, but he actually attended the same university as me, so we occasionally ran into each other around campus.

While both groups got to talking, I managed to sneak a couple of glances at Heeseung. Tonight he had combed back his dark hair thus exposing his forehead, making him seem even more handsome than usual. Then again, it may have been the alcohol talking. As distracted as I was, I failed to notice Jay walking in my direction.

"Hey Y/N!" I jumped slightly as my eyes met the young man's.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you." he chuckled while scratching his neck. I quickly shook my head.

"Don't apologize! I was just, somewhere else, I guess." I smiled apologetically, trying to diffuse the awkwardness of the situation. Jay nodded and looked over his shoulder.

"This place is packed tonight, huh?" he mentioned.

"Yep, and there are too many freshmen." I complained.

"I mean, we were all freshmen once." Jay replied, stifling a laugh. As I opened my mouth to voice my very strong opinion on this year's freshmen, I was met with a sight that made my throat go dry.

A few feet behind Jay, Heeseung was busy with his tongue down another girl's throat. Suddenly, my face felt very hot, and an all too familiar knot formed in my stomach. As much as I wanted to look away from the scene, my eyes were glued to their figures. Jay noticed the abrupt change in my demeanor and turned around, following my eyes. Judging from the pitiful glance he spared me, he had understood the situation all too quickly. Thankfully, Wonyoung stepped in and pulled me away, sitting me down on a stool next to the bar counter.

"I'm taking you home" my worried friend insisted, but I shook my head profusely. I flashed her the brightest smile I could muster

"No way, Wony! I don't plan on ruining your night just because I got my feelings hurt. Besides..." I leaned forward to whisper in her ear.

"Didn't you have something planned for tonight?" Wonyoung turned beet red, stealing a quick glance at Yujin.

"That's not important! I can talk to her another ti-"

"That's what you always say! Seriously, if I don't hear an update from you tomorrow, I'm telling her myself." At this, she chuckled, but she still seemed hesitant to leave me alone, so I flashed her the brightest smile I could muster.

"Seriously, I'm fine Wony, I just want to go home, is all." This was enough to convince my friend, and we parted ways with a warm hug.

The cold air hit my face the moment I stepped out of the club. I tightened my fluffy scarf around my neck and began making my way towards my apartment. Thankfully, I only lived a few minutes on foot from the establishment, so I didn't have to rely on public transport.

I had only been walking for barely a minute when I heard someone calling my name.

"Y/N! Wait up!" I turned around, confused as to who it could be, and to my dismay, it was none other than Jay, who had seen the whole ordeal.

"Wonyoung told me you were heading out, and I wanted to walk you home." he smiled once he caught up with me, coaxing a shy grin out of me. He had always been a gentleman.

"Don't worry about me, I live super close!" I tried explaining, but Jay brushed me off. I sighed and just as I was about to begin small talk, the man spoke up.

"Are you okay?" I looked up at him, surprised to find his worry-filled eyes boring into mine. I quickly nodded, trying to seem as non-chalant as I possibly could.

"It just surprised me, is all! I thought he was single" I managed to utter out in an attempt to justify my strange reaction.

"He is single though." Jay noted. Maybe that should have made me feel better, but to be frank, it did exactly the opposite of that. It essentially confirmed the fact that he probably would have made a move on me if he were interested in me. And since he had never done so, not even once, it was safe to assume that he wasn't into me.

"Y/N?" Jay's voice snapped me out of my thoughts with a start, and I smiled apologetically.

"Sorry, I'm really tired, I can barely function." I wasn't sure that he would buy such a lame excuse, but he simply nodded and proceeded to swiftly change the subject. At some point, he insisted on carrying the extra bag I had brought, which had a couple of spare sweaters in it. I always make sure to bring spare outerwear to outings with friends in case any of them get cold.

After a couple of minutes, we were standing in front of my flat's door. I turned around and thanked Jay profusely for accompanying me.

"You don't need to thank me for being a decent human being. I couldn't let you walk home alone at this hour." he firmly stated with a wide smile plastered on his face. I smiled back at him and entered my apartment. The moment I closed the door, I curled into a ball on the floor. The image of Heeseung kissing that girl was burned into my mind, and all I could do was pity myself for not being the type of girl he liked.

Realistically, it was ridiculous to cry over a man I hadn't even dated. Nevertheless, over the past year, I had developed strong feelings for him. It seemed as though they were unrequited in the end.

Tears streamed down my face as I reminisced about a relationship that never happened, and soon, I was sobbing uncontrollably.

"Wh-why am I never the first choice?" I wept aloud, leaning against my front door.

Jay's POV:

"Shit, I forgot to give this back to her."

It was only when he had already arrived at his apartment that Jay realized he had forgotten to hand Y/N her bag back. He sighed exasperatedly and quickly made his way back to the young woman's flat. Thankfully they lived in the same apartment complex, so in less than a minute, he had arrived.

As Jay was about to ring the doorbell, he heard faint sobs coming from behind the door. He hesitated for a second, thinking he might have gotten the apartment wrong, but his doubts were quickly dismissed when he heard Y/N's shaky voice speak.

What he heard made him frown deeply, and he decided he would return the sweaters at a better time. As Jay walked back to his own apartment, he quietly whispered: "You are... you always have been."

#jay #enhypen #enha #heeseung #jay x reader #enha x reader #kpop #kpop bg #friends to lovers #unrequited love #unrequited feelings #unrequited crush #pinning #slow burn #college #university #alternate universe

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