#i think the only thing i dont like about receiving asks is my anxiety that yall may get upset at me for not responding haha-

[nomizombie]

boyfriend!König headcanons that have been on my mind…

[SFW/Wholesome/Fluff] ; random stuff ive been thinking about, SO MUCH FLUFF YOUR HEART WILL HURT, established relationship, gender neutral, no usage of y/n, not proofread

[A/N] ; love love LOVE the idea of all these things happening!! Also off topic but i feel like this boy needs more wholesome fanfics. Theres just too much smut for this sweet anxious guy :((

He doesnt move a muscle when you fall asleep on him. He just cant bare to wake you and your cute sleepy face! Hell sit there staring at you for hours until either he falls asleep or you wake up. You falling asleep on him just tells him that you feel so safe around him, especially when hes struggled with being so intimidating (the social anxiety and hood certainly dont help). Whether its at home on the couch, at a movie theatre, or just on the train back home, he just loves you so much he wish you would do it more often <3

You have a phobia and he comforts you. He immediately shields you or removes whatever thing youre scared of. He just cant handle seeing his liebling so terrified and vulnerable :(( he wants you to always feel safe around him, you would never have to worry about safety when hes around. Hes very loyal and is just as great a friend as he is a boyfriend :)

He would either have shoulder length hair or a super short fluffy buzzcut. No inbetween. If you ask him to grow/cut it, he wouldnt hesitate to find the nearest pair of scissors and whack it all off! (or vice versa…) he loves it when you play with his hair, and if its long, he doesnt mind you braiding or tying his hair in silly ways!!

Youre cold? Dont worry! König produces a lot of heat, let him share some of it with you! Hed give you his jacket, a thick padded one fit for surviving the Austrian winters and snug for you! Obviously his size means its huge on you but, he loves seeing you wearing his clothes. Its just another reminder of how small you are compared to him and he is absolutely obsessed with it.

You and him are having fun at a bar. He notices how drunk youre getting and pulls you away to go home before you hurt yourself or regret it in the morning. Unfortunately… the hangover hits hard and you are stuck on the bathroom floor, his hand gently rubbing circles on your back and holding your hair back as you vomit your insides into tje toilet bowl. He hates seeing yoi like this… sick and hungover. next time hes making you leave as soon as your words start slurring >:(

The movie is too scary!! Let him hold and cuddle you, jumpscare after jumpscare. You can shrink into his chest if youre scared. And dont worry about sleeping, nothing can hurt you if hes around. Of course hes just as scared as yuou, the movie was very well made afterall. But, he doesnt want you to be terrified, so hes here for you :) dont forget to give him cuddles too, he cant stop trembling as well!!!

Anniversary, valentines day, your birthday? Dont worry one bit! Hes already got it marked on his calendar, gift planned weeks in advance and the restaurant is already reserved. How could he ever disappoint an angel like you? This is the least he could do for all the love he receives for you!

Youre on your period? Dont even THINK about it. Hell be cuddling and snuggling you to warm you and calm your cramps. Cravings? Hes already on the way to the store :) you dont even have to tell him, hes already got your favourite snacks ready in a basket for you. Youre in pain all week! He hates seeing you like this… :(( who cares aboit the mood swings as long as youre nuzzled in his size, using his warm arms to stifle the chills running down your spine.

Its raining and you only have one umbrella. He would hold it for you, making sure that its his shoulder thats getting wet, not yours. Lest you fall sick and he has to stay home and take care of you for days :(( (not that hes complaining, he’ll take any opportunity to pamper and spoil you!)

Hes just gotten home from work after a bad day. As soon as he sees you, he feels just a little better, especially while resting his head on your chest and listening to your soft breaths on repeat. It could be on the couch, in bed or just while standing in the hallway, some physical touch from you always recharges his batteries :))

dividers by @mmadeinheavenn !! :)

Tysm for reading!! :) my requests are always open, feel free to ask me anything or request a drabble/fic!

[sprout-fics]

I dont know if this’ll make sense so I will try my best, but I hope in the end it’ll just help ease the anxiety you might have cause I’m normally a silent observer and like watching and reading and enjoying from afar

But you know Christmas cacti? It’s a plain little succulent that quietly makes a space in your home green and pleasant? But during the cold months it’ll make these bright beautiful flowers that are just so vibrant and pretty compared to the leaves and it’s hard not to look at cause gosh is it pretty. And they’ll stay for some time, a good couple of weeks, and then the blooms will fall off and it’s back to its sleepy self again till next season.

That’s how I come to this blog, and your writing. It’s so lovely, even when you haven’t posted anything. It’s a comfort to come back to and I enjoy each and every time cause it was great from the beginning. And when you post something new, it’s so exciting and I come running.

So if you find yourself just wanting to sit back, not posting so often, I’m very sure so many of us will come flocking to your writings or posts anyways cause even if it doesn’t last long or forever or it’s only a short time, we’ll enjoy what you have to give cause it’s a treat every single time. Like a Christmas cactus

Does that make sense? Anyways. I will always look forward for what you have to give, even if it’s weeks, months, or years in between each release of anything. Cause it’s worth it to me and it’ll feel just as good as the first, second, and third time, ya know?

Happy belated birthday, sorry I didn’t say it sooner, but take care of yourself. You deserve every good that you get so take it! 😊

I've read this message several times within the past day. I think it's one of the sweetest, kindest, most thoughtful messages I've ever had the pleasure to receive. I wish I had words to express how much I cherish it. I am so honored to be the recipient of this.

I used to feel the same way about this blog. It was a shelter from the rainstorm, a gentle place to land. Now, it makes me anxious and nervous- like being thrust outside into a gale and not knowing where to go. I think it's time I take a long, very long break. I tried to take one a little bit ago, but I don't think it solved the root issue of why I'm not enjoying myself, whatever that may be. I wish I knew. I wish I knew so I could fix it.

I'll be gone for a while. I'll still be uploading to ao3, but I don't find myself having the energy to crosspost here anymore. I'm not going to stop writing, but I am going to start doing it in a way where I'm writing for myself again, and not for others. I need to find the thing that made me start writing in the first place, so that if and when I come back, it will be through joy, not through an obligation of doing things just to do them. I have to stop treating myself like a content machine.

I'll still reblog things to @sprout-fics-reblogs probably. I like being here and seeing others' art and fics. I just won't be posting myself. I think I'm going to turn off asks as well. Just trying to shrink down and allow this blog to go dormant.

I appreciate every single person who has reached out to me. I have so many kind people following me and I think I take that for granted sometimes. Thank you. If you want to reach out to me, feel free to DM me, and I'll send you my discord.

Talk soon. Thank you. I love you. Bye.

[compassionatereminders]

hey kat, can i ask for some advice? my significant other and i are trying to change our ways, childhood trauma effects (his parents were physically abusive and mine was emotionally abusive), and try to communicate and be with each other healthier. we're only in our 20s so we're p young, i get that, but we're trying because we want to be with each other for a long time.

the thing is, they told me that they truly do like me but not specifically my negatives. i can kinda understand that, i just feel hurt a little about it. the negatives wrap around anxiety and my self-esteem issues, and i dont have a clear head if i should be hurt about it?

we're changing for the better, and its actually noticeable a lot. i get that but, i guess im just worried that maybe our motivation for change is flawed and we might be going the opposite way than what we intended to have. maybe i overthought this too much and our motivation dowsnt essentially matter if we can confirm by each otger that we receive the proper loving that can meet our needs.

right now, we're trying to talk more about the negatives part and maybe gain some proper outline about it.

changing like this takes time. during the whole relationship, we broke up once already, which what brought on this development in the first place. most of our friends arent really fully supportive of us, considering the hurt we unintentionally put each other in. we both really want to make this work, and id like to believe that we can.

thanks for letting me off some steam, i love your blog a lot, and i hope we can both just shrug off the family stuff but. you live with it, and we both would like to live with these things together. im currently happy with our ways and they are too.

I think it's really great that you and your partner are both aware of your trauma AND willing to work through it. It's unrealistic to expect that there won't be moments where one of you says or does the wrong thing, but it definitely sounds like you're on the right track and I wish you all the best. And it's okay that it's a work in progress and that sometimes you need to have a conversation about intentions and hurt feelings ❤️

[tonberry-yoda]

Hello! Here for the matchup <3

Okay, okay, so... Following your rules, I would like to me matched up with a male One Piece character, if that's alright! My pronouns are she/her and I'm CIShet. As for my personality, I'm very shy at first, but as soon as I realise that the person I'm with is not a threat, I start opening up bit by bit. Once I start warming up to them I become more talkative. I have a very low social battery, so after a while I may go quiet and answer with sounds and/or short sentences-not because I'm upset or anything, but because I need a nap or at least spend some time alone. Still, I always do my best to contribute to conversations and I'm fine with being a listener. I guess it goes without saying that I am a very calm person and while I'm up to almost everything if asked, I'd rather spend time doing activities that don't involve too much socializing due to my anxiety. I am fairly polite and warm even if I'm an introvert because I live by the "Treat people like you want to be treated" motto.

As for the way dress, I always go for something cute. I like dressing up, but not over the top. The real beauty for me lies in simplicty. Most of the time I wear either a dress or a skirt with a sweater when the weather allows me to. I specially like wearing pastel/earth tones. More superficial stuff about myself is that I'm around 4'11ft, kinda chubby and my facial features are often described as "soft" (I'm about as threatening as a hamster, lol). The thing that has been complimented the most about myself is my voice. Some have labeled it as soothing-and, talking about my voice, I'm often asked to speak up because I hate raising my voice

My hobbies are nothing special, tbh. I play videogames, watch shows/movies, sometimes I sing even if I'm not too confident on my voice and I am overall a huge nerd.

Surprisingly enough, I think my love language would be physical touch (though I always mind boundries). It's weird because I don't receive physical affection often, yet when I do I always feel giddy (fun way to say I'm touch starved). My type are guys who like to take the lead since I don't have much iniciative, specially those who stand up for me because I'm the "I asked for something else, but this is nice too so it's okay" kinda gal in every situation. Guess you could say I'm a people pleaser

Other general information about myself is that I am easely overwhelmed by loud noises and bright lights to the point that my head starts hurting if I'm exposed to those for too long. I am also very sensitive/empathetic, gentle, and my head is in the clouds more times than not. I hate conflict and would rather look for a peaceful way to solve it

Aaand that would be all! Hope it's not too much information and no pressure at all! Thank you for taking the time to read 🩷

notes - TONBERRY WRITING?! ANSWERING ASKS ON TUMBLR?!?! THIS IS CRAZY, RIGHT?! Hey anon! I have been on some major hiatus, but suddenly got in the mood to write for a character and your matchup was calling to me! Your patience means the world and I hope I can provide more writing! Let's jump in <3

THE CHARACTER I CHOOSE FOR YOU, DEAR ANON, IS...

ZORO

that gif is hot tee hee

i just really think you two would fit

i dont even really know why lolol, i just read it and was like, yup, she fits with zoro

he's the perfect man to take the lead and protect you and always be by your side

you two love cuddling and taking naps

he needs you in his arms to have the perfect night's sleep

i really like the tone of your writing, anon, it's just so soft and you sound so kind and calm and I think Zoro really thinks that of you too

i think you cool the man down when he gets heated and more often than not, you have to stop an argument between him and that damn cook <3

~~~~~

2024 @tonberry-yoda – do not repost or claim ANY of my work as your own! likes, reblogs, and comments are not only welcome, but appreciated

~~~~~

[prettyboykatsuki]

fang do you ever get overwhelmed by the future? what are some ways you deal with anxieties surrounding like job prospects or school-wise? i think you're very rational and would love to hear your perspective on any tools you use!

ahh idk if im the right person to ask this since a lot of my beliefs come from my circumstances. pre-emptively i have a family that will always house me and feed me. thats the culture.

but ill tell you my philosophy. i do get anxiety about the future sometimes and about how im not moving fast enough or something else along those lines!! pretty often actually.

either way im young. ill bet you are too. all the happiest people i know are twice my age. my life is just starting for me. i have no intention of feeling like im running out of time when im not

because i went thru a lot i know life isn’t about endurance. its about sustainability. its easy to get wrapped up in the idea of creating a perfect future and being valuable. but suffering catches up with you. right now - i could go and push myself to the very limits to accomplish something. but it wouldn’t matter because its not a life i could sustain.

i know my own limits hella well so i say work with yourself for a life you can tolerate. a life you can live for a long time. im applying for jobs but i haven’t received any offers so im finding other ways of making money (babysitting, tutoring etc). i help my parents with as much as i can. my sleep schedule is fucked so im spending my summer trying to fix it. im building my credit score (its good rn!!) im teaching myself math and java again so i can transfer in a year. these are not things i pour myself into. its just shit i do to work at it slowly

im never gonna be a person who can go at a hundred miles an hour. never. ive tried and ive failed. i got my steady twenty five. but its better to go steadily and slowly and always keep going then to go 100 and stop dead in your tracks. its better to persistently do the bare minimum than regress after running so far. its better to take one class and apply to one job and read one lesson everyday than to push it so far you stop or not try at all.

for me the only thing ive ever learned is the universe pays its dues so im not worried about the future. it doesn’t matter what it looks like to anyone but me. did you do just one thing that will make tomorrow better? then thats enough. you did great.

do what you’re capable of not what you think you should be capable of. as long as you are doing that much i really think things will work out. and if they dont and if you fuck up - learn and try it a different way. just keep doing it. little by little

[emmaspolaroid]

NIKKIII i need post canon emma hcs or ill DIE and i feel you are the mutual that can provide (absolutely no obligation to try and come up w something if you just dont have any tho BKAJSDB)

Oh my god Ash you have no idea how excited I am to receive this, I have so many

Her memories don’t come *back* but she experiences really intense deja vu. The best way I can describe the experience is the sense of being “within and without”.

Dreams are really intense, whether they’re good or bad. And even though she forgets as soon as she wakes up, her body remembers.

She grows close with Norman and Ray again pretty much overnight, though it takes a little more time for her to get used to everyone else. It’s probably super overwhelming, but Emma’s cheerful disposition never changes so she does her best to take it all in stride.

Being a stranger to herself, then learning who she used to be deeply shakes her confidence. How can she live up to the stories about this hero who tore her way through dimensions and faced down a god? She’s scared of letting everyone down.

I imagine she develops a lot of anxiety, which of course Norman and Ray would help her work through (in my perfect post-canon world they all have amazing therapists and are on the road to healing lmao). I think post-canon Emma would struggle with being lonely despite being surrounded by people who love her - which was confirmed by that little moment in the bonus chapter. This comes to pass, though! It just takes some time, and a lot of honest communication.

She takes online classes and accidentally graduates with her high school diploma and an associates degree in like two weeks because she hyperfixated on it, like as a fun computer game. She likes every subject but she’s probably most interested in topics surrounding psychology, communications, and early childhood development.

I imagine a handful of the demon world kids will end up being involved in the human world’s politics in some way and while I don’t see any of the trio as politicians, I can see them being ambassadors in some form. Don’t ask me for details because I don’t have any lol I just know they all attend world peace meetings and are held in very high regard. Emma in particular would be concerned with making sure everyone in the world is taken care of and would spearhead humanitarian efforts.

She’s both different and somehow exactly the same. She’s still stubborn, cheerful and caring. She still loves games and is curious about everything. She doesn’t remember them, yet she’ll surprise them by saying the same exact things she’s said before, or coming to the same Only-Emma kind of conclusion.

Norman and Ray now really struggle against her in chess. She used to be so much easier to beat. Now she’s a terror.

I could honestly go on and on, but here’s a few! 🥰

[hyperfixationhopper]

c,,,can you do revenant x male reader headcanons?

giggling.... VERY LOUDLY RN ILY anyways

did i get a little carried away? fuck yes

allllsoooooo i may or may not have left it at a cliffhanger bc I maaayyyy have an idea for a series. its probable that this piece will be disregarded if I do continue with a series, some of the things I've written conflict with how I'm thinking I want it to go and tbh I don't rlly wanna go back and revise it lol. so if I do make the series, disregard this pls lmao I'm gonna rewrite this but in a proper format and more serious anyways lol ty anon for sparking this idea :)

pls tell me if I made a mistake with Icelandic, I'm still learning and going off of memory rn lmao

anyways

-i feel like the the most probable way you two would meet is if you're a legend in the games

-and even then, you'd have to be pretty remarkable for Rev to notice you

-but being remarkable is for LOSERS

-The victory party held by Mirage for your, Mirage's, and Bloodhound's win was.. not your scene, to say the least.

-(In your opinion, you didn't even deserve to be at the party, Hound did most of the work, and you felt even Eliott did more than you did, as much as they would like to argue otherwise. All in all, it was a lucky win, at most.)

-The loud music, strobe lights and smoke were quite overwhelming. The only thing keeping you from leaving was the nice drinks, and quiet conversations with Bloodhound, who understood your discomfort, and wished to alleviate it the best they could. (i want bloodhound to be my best friend tbh)

-You let Hound know you were going to go top up your drink, stood up, and walked to the bar

-You were a little tipsy, since either this drink was incredibly strong, or your alcohol tolerance was incredibly low

-So of course, you were stumbling a little bit.

-As you walked to the bar, you were stopped in your tracks rather abruptly, as you had walked into an odd metal pole of some sort, wearing a red headscarf, and a questionable red loincloth, it had shoulder pads as well, including some other robotic things on its body, yellow eyes piercing through you, seemingly analyzing your features. It was difficult to discern what was paint and what was blood.

-wait what the fuck

-poles dont have shoulder pads, silly!

-as you examined the pole a little more you realized, said pole was in fact not a pole, and one of the simulacrum legends, Revenant, the homicidal assassin who seemed to enjoy killing a bit too much.

-wait holy shit

-The first thought racing through your head was probably something along the lines of;

-HOLY FUCKING SHIT IM FUCKING DEAD OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHI

-...

-something like that

-"Oh fuck- uhh I'm so sorry uh" The words making a sprint to escape your mouth, in case you had just received a death sentence, which, let's be honest, you probably did.

-He merely grumbled something incoherent, looked you up and down, pushed past you and continued walking, drink in hand.

-Had you done something wrong? Does he hate you? Anxiety filled your body, and self loathing thoughts began to flood your head. Was this irrational? Absolutely. He seems to hate everyone. Of course, you'd be no different. What could possibly make you different from the others to make you worth his time? Hell, what made you worth anyone's time?

-You did feel bad, you were going to make it up to him, you owed him that much, even if all you did was walk into him. But how would you do it? You heard he likes strong alcohol. Maybe that? You walked up to the bar and asked for the strongest alcohol they had.

-You heard boots behind you, "Bless, felagi fighter. I witnessed what happened, are you alright?" Bloodhound sounded a little worried, they placed a hand on your shoulder, checking you for any sign of.. well anything. Sure, they knew you could hold your own, they were your best friend after all. But this is Revenant we're talking about here, even the great hunter is an equal, at most to the simulacrum. Suddenly you felt eyes on you.

-"Oh, yeah, I'm alright." You grabbed the drink as the bartender placed the dark liquid in front of you. Bloodhound eyed you suspiciously.

-"You do not drink liquor of that intensity." They sighed, realizing your intent. "You... cannot possibly be thinking of trying to apologize to the beast, no?" They were obviously were hoping they were wrong, and you were just being adventurous, even if that adventure will have your head pounding and you laying in bed all of the next day.

-Alas, the tracker was correct. They were smart, you'll give them that.

-"... No...?" They sighed once more at your fruitless attempt at a lie. "I.. cannot stop you, no. But be careful, friend. I will be watching from afar in case something happens, Artur as well." You chuckled a bit at their concern. "I think I'll be alright, but thank you." They paused a moment, before they retracted their hand from your shoulder. "May the God's bless you, I will see you soon." They walked away after that.

-They cared so much it hurt you. You couldn't possibly be worth their time, could you?

-You shook it off, and turned around and began walking to where Revenant was seated. He was far from the crowd, seems he's not a party type of guy. Neither are you, so at least you have something decent in common. You greeted Mirage as you walked by, he was incredibly social tonight, more so than usual.

-"Heeeyy champion! How've you been!" He was too friendly for you, definitely. You'll still humor him though. "Hey! I'm alright, you know me, not a party guy." You fake laughed to relieve tension, luckily he's none the wiser to your façade. "Good, good. Hey man, I thought you didn't drink alcohol that strong, or you just trying something new?" Thank fuck he gave you an easy out. "Haha, yeah. Figured being a lightweight was boring." He laughed and shot finger guns at you before leaving and continuing to dance with the others.

-You didn't even have to look to know Bloodhound was amused and probably laughing at your awkwardness. They didn't even have to hear you to know you were nervous as shit. You looked at them, low and behold, their body was definitely enough proof to know they were laughing. You rolled your eyes, and pushed on.

-Revenants arms were crossed, and his left leg was crossed over his right, his now empty drink on the side table beside him. His eyes followed you, they were less threatening than they were before, but he still emit enough of a fearful aura for you to be a little worried for yourself.

-"I uh, I got you another drink, as an apology, I didn't mean to walk into you like that, I'm sorry." He grunted a bit, he seemed amused that you'd go so far just to apologize. Nonetheless, he took it from you when you held it out to him. "Heh, thanks skinsuit." He finished it in a single swig. He was being oddly nice, maybe he was wasted as hell?

-"Huh, you've got taste. This isn't that bad." he admired the glass before setting it down next to his previous drink. "Oh, I just picked something that looked strong, um, lucky guess, I suppose?" He hummed in approval, not breaking eye contact for even a second. You, on the other hand, your eyes were darting around everywhere, unsure of where to look. He seemed amused.

-"I uh, guess I'll be goi-" Suddenly he was stern. "Sit, skinbag." You quickly made your way to the only chair in close proximity, which just happened to be the one just left of him.

-This is gonna be a long night.

-Not much conversation was made, unsurprisingly enough.

-Though he'd say something every now and then mocking one of the other legends, like how Wraith is being emo at the bar alone, or how Pathfinder was just kind of standing there, giving a thumbs up. You did genuinely laugh and agree each time. You both just watched the crowd in a comfortable silence.

-He was suspiciously not threatening to kill you, he was even being nice, in his own way. This is fucking weird.

-Bloodhound did keep their word, and looked over often. Them and Revenant seemed to glare at each other often, was there some sort of rivalry going on here? You weren't to familiar with all the legends' relationships with each other, other than the obvious ones, Revenant and Loba hating each other, and you get that, she's had a bit of a manipulative streak, and has stolen multiple of your possessions. As well as Loba and Valkrie flirting all the time, You've talked to Kairi a few times, she's confident and kind, she's cool.

-He let out a low, almost animalistic growl. "The hunter, what's their problem." It came out more like a demand than a question. "O-Oh, uh, they're a close friend-" He cut you off, the sternness returning from before. "That's not what I asked, skinsuit." He looked down at you, he glared. You couldn't read him at all. "They uh, want to make sure I'm safe." You looked away, embarrassed you blew their cover. His demeanor changed nearly instantly. He laughed, "Make sure you're safe?! Hah! Even if I wanted to hurt you, they can't do shit." He threw his head back and chuckled. Good lord he was getting a kick out of this- Wait, he didn't want to hurt you? Your face flushed a little at the thought, the guy who seemed to want to skewer anything that moved didn't want to put a knife through your skull? Unlikely, but possible. He was probably just hammered out of his mind. "You're blushing. Ooh~ did I strike a nerve?" His voice was so low, nearly seductive- Is he flirting??? God it sounds like it. Why is he so friendly with you?? Suddenly you feel the slightest bit of confidence. "You, the homicidal robot, are quite talkative, have I perhaps struck your interest?" God the fucking balls on you, dude, you regret it almost immediately, but hold your ground. Bloodhound is watching all of it, they seem intrigued. You noticed Wraith glance over, mildly interested. Perhaps the voices told her something?

-Revenant hummed almost seductively, pulling your attention back to him. "Mmm.. Where's your sense of self-preservation? Or perhaps you've forgotten who I am?" He's leaning over you now, He lifts his hand up, his index finger transforming into a sharp blade. He raises his had to your cheek, dragging his index finger down it, almost in a possessive way, his eyes staring deep into yours. you were almost cowering beneath him, you were slightly afraid, but you held your ground.

-"I would not do that if I were you, anðskoti." Bloodhound had silently made their way behind him, their axe and knife drawn positioned so one swift movement and the simulacrum's head would be severed. Renee had followed them, kunai drawn in a defensive manner as she stood behind them, as backup. She was another close friend of yours, albeit not as close as Bloodhound, she cared for your wellbeing too. Luckily, this place was secluded enough so attention was not drawn to any of you. Surprisingly, Revenant merely chuckled. He stared at you for a moment, "I'll see you later, skinsuit." before walking away.

-What the hell is happening??

[7ndipity]

Hiiii! Happy new year love! 💞 I hope your shipping game isn't over. So let me introduce myself. 🫶🏻

Sun - taurus

Moon - Pisces

Rising - Sagittarius

I tend to be very introverted, however if I meet someone who's also very introverted, I kind of take the lead and become very extroverted, especially in situations where someone has to take action about a certain thing.

I like to think I'm open-minded, trying to understand everyone's perspective no matter what. I only respect and appreciate people who respect me too!

I overthink a lot and I get pretty self-conscious about myself. Im also very stubborn. I wouldn't say I'm very ambitious considering that I get demoralized easily and I need someone to support me especially emotionally. As much as I try to keep calm, I lose my temper very easily, but I'll quickly get over it if I get a few minutes to spend alone and really process the situation. I get overwhelmed a lot and I'm in constant stress. I have severe trust and abandonment issues.

English is not my first language and I'm a polyglot. I speak my mother language (I don't want to say what language it is), English, French, German, mandarin, Italian, basic Latin (I had to learn it in school 😔) and I'm currently learning Korean. My major at uni is history and I'm living in the balkans. (Maybe the last part wasn't necessary 💀)

I love history and foreign languages and cultures, I also love writing, drawing, fashion and reading!

Since I was 14, I do many fashion sketches.

My love languages (that I like to give to my s/o) is drawing them, physical affection and words of affirmation.

I also would love to receive praise and physical affection but if my s/o isn't okay with that then it's alright. I can live without it as I've been doing until now.

I like to read non-fiction, history, thriller and fiction literature and you can ask me anything about history and I will tell everything you like I'm some voice narrator on a documentary 😭

I watch mostly just documentaries and thriller dramas.

So as I've said at first, I'm introverted, but if I'm comfortable I quickly am very loud and social, however my social battery dies fast so I will at some point become suddenly silent. I also have adhd and anxiety. I used to suffer from depression since I was a little kid. I've got plenty trauma 😊 and I'm very scared of the dark and insects, like spiders for example.

I don't like dancing and singing, mainly because I'm bad at those 💀 and I also don't like painting.

Usually I'm the therapist friend and I never share anything about my personal life to my friends, I keep my problems to myself.

I love cats and skincare and I listen to music constantly ever since I was a baby.

I'm not very fond of petnames that couples use. However if someone calls me "love" or "darling" I will simply die

I can get quite possessive and jealous, but I don't usually show that to my partner or do anything about it at all. Mostly because I know it's a toxic trait so I keep it to myself as I don't want to potentially hurt or make my s/o feel bad.

I'm very loyal and loving. When people yell, don't let me speak or interrupt me while I'm speaking I get either very pissed or i simply just cry 🫠 I can get very triggered when someone yells at me

When I'm hurt, affected or upset about something that someone did to me, I will isolate myself and not tell them what's wrong until it's too late.

I dont like people telling me what to do.

I'm sorry if this was very chaotic written and not organized at all, I just wrote whatever came to my mind about myself (watch me forget to mention some important details about myself 🤦🏻‍♀️) but yeah, basically this is me. 🫶🏻

I would ship you with Yoongi and Hobi!

You and Yoongi have super similar personalities imo, so I feel like you would understand each other really well! Like even the way you described sounding like a docu narrator reminded me of how Army joke that Yoongi’s a walking encyclopedia on so many topics!😭(also Pisces are really great matches for earth signs like Taurus)

Yoongi and Hobi both have very supportive, reassuring energies, and tend to be the therapist friends as well, so I think they would be good at helping you open up and making you feel safe. I also feel like they would lowkey be a bit protective over you.🥺

I also kinda feel that you and Hobi would be a pretty good match! You have several similarities, and he also has this ability of bringing out the best in people and making them feel really comfortable, so I feel like he would be your ultimate hype man!😊

Hope this was okay💜

[incorrectkinnporsche]

Hey do you mind if ask for more bigporsche headcannons ?

YOU HAVE NO IDEA OF HOW HAPPY I AM OF SEEING YOU AGAIN OM MY QUSTION BOX :D I'm glad that you asked, because I have WAY TOO MANY HEADCANONS of this two, amd I'll gladly share them all :)

→ more bigporsche headcanons bc I love them :)

• While Big was recovering after receiving the gun shot ( because he's okay guys, dont worry he's alive), Porsche was extremely careful with him, making sure he was okay at all time and helping him in any way possible. At first Big was kinda annoyed by this, as he thought that Porsche was only doing it because he felt in debted with him or because he felt sorry for. However, he quickly got used to his company, and began to find it somewhat comforting. Maybe it was because of every time Porsche brought him his favorite coffee, or the countless times he'd slept in his hospital room just to take care of him.

Because of this, they had the chance to get to know each other better. Porsche did most of the talking, but Big was totally okay with that. He was happy to hear Porsche rambling about whatever he wanted.

• They both fell in love with each other in a similar way, but their way of realizing it and coping with it was quite different.

Porsche realized his feelings after Big sacrificed himself (and nearly died) for him. The fear of almost losing him made him realize that what he felt towards him went beyond just friendly affection. At first he was surprised by it. Things hadn't gone well between them at first, but somehow they ended like that. Despite this, he didin't feel ashamed or disgusted by his feelings. He just accepted it, and promised himself to protect Big

The first person to find out was Chay. It happened when they were having an informal conversation and Porsche told his brother that there was someone he found special. Just by listening to him talk about Big, Chay could feel that his brother was really happy to have him.

By the other hand, Big took a little longer to realize (he's not very good with feelings, especially his own). At first he wasn't quite sure how he felt about Porsche, but after he got injured, every little moments they spent together made him realize that there was... Something.

As soon as he realized it, He panicked. Not only because he had fallen in love with the guy he supposedly "hated", but also because Big didn't had good experiences with love (and he didn't think Porsche would love him back). He spent a lot of time in denial, doing his best to suppress it and pretend he had no feelings for him, but eventually he had no choice but to accept it. That wasn't easy for him either. He had just gotten over Kinn, and having to deal with another unrequited love wasn't good. Big didn't love many people, but when he did, the feeling was deep.

The first person to know about his crush was Pete, but it was by accident. Of course, it didn't take long for him to notice that Big smiled a lot more when Porsche was around. So he simply asked Big if he was in love with him (not too delicately) Big tried to deny it several times, however, Pete wasn't blind.

• Even before they started dating, they used to go out together. After the incident, Big's anxiety and bad dreams increased. Porsche wasn't feeling particularly good about his mental health either, so they got into the habit of taking short walks together at night as a stress reliever. They walked in silence or sometimes talked about the thing that made them upset

• Of course, Porsche was the first one to confess. It was during one of those night walks, and Big was so surprised that he thought that couldn't be happening. His first reaction was to ask why. What did he had that was worthy of Porsche's affection? Big had never thought of himself as person easy to love, especially after how he had treated Porsche when they first met.

Instead of being put off by the question, Porsche started a rambling about all the reasons why he had fallen in love with him, going into all sorts of small details.

• As soon as they made their relationship official, the first person to know (after Pete and Chay, of course) was Tankhun. Porsche revealed it while they were having a conversation, and instead of acting surprised, Tankhun nodded and said "I knew it" Immediately after that he looked at Pol and said "I told you, you owe me money"

• Talking about Pete, after he found out about their relationship, the next day he showed up at Porsche's house with a cake that said "Congratulations on talking about your feelings, bitches :)"

[andypartridges]

Hello! im really really sorry to bother you! i dont mean to i just love the content you put out especially your xtc content!! you are truly doing gods work thank you so much!! i was just messaging to ask if you could write out what your English settlement zine says? I'm sorry some words i cant make out its okay if you cant or rather not! again super sorry for bothering you

omg hi yes anon of course i can !!! if i can improve accessibility then it's no bother to me at all. it's probably too long to transcribe all of it in this ask so i'll transcribe part 2 here.

i apologise in advance for any grammar issues or just general clunkiness with the writing - i just wrote everything down in the zine without any preplanning and just sort of brain dumped my thoughts onto the page :-)

transcript below the cut !

no need to look back at pictures of lost From the haunting opening notes of 'Runaways', it's evident that XTC's fifth studio album was telling a story with a darker tone. Now, in 2022, we mark the 40th anniversary since the release of 1982's English Settlement, a double LP that would not only become the band's highest charting album in the UK, but the favourite album for many XTC fans around the world. It's a commentary on many things: the ideals versus the reality of Britain, Thatcherism, loss, and at times, a cry for help. It was the band's first album to break the self imposed rule that all songs must be able to be replicated live, and as such, you can hear a sense of 'vastness' - a sense of colour in the music. It's XTC like never before.

England's Glory: a musical portrait of early 80s britain Britain in the late 70s became a country under the leadership of Conservative PM Margaret Thatcher. While she irrevocably fucked up the UK in many ways, one prime example was contributing to the rampant xenophobia that was only on the rise with her comments such as being 'swamped' by (nonwhite) immigrants. Comments such as these only fuelled the activities of far right groups such as the National Front, the organisation that our main character Graham joins in 'No Thugs In Our House'. Both this song and 'Knuckle Down' are a snapshot of 80s Britain: the former depicts the insidious nature of racism and the latter, a call to end such ways of thinking. Graham is an example of how groups like the NF target the impressionable with lies and imbue them with hatred. With no parental figures to rein him in, this bigotry only festers. It's an ugly side of England, but one that still exists and is very much real. We talk about the glory of this country, but these songs point out that for some, much glory is founded in the suffering of others.

Save Us From The Ball And Chain: a musical portrait of early 80s britain (pt. 2) In addition to the negative impacts Thatcher brought upon Britain, her economic policies have also gone down in infamy, namely the millions put out of work as a result. Yet, the most infamous was the Miners' Strike of 1984-85, a bitter battle between Thatcher and trade unions. Miners and their families relied on handouts, receiving no state benefits at all. The landscape of the events, combined with Thatcher's belief that people were unemployed because they simply didn't work hard enough, is brutally reflected in the English Settlement track 'Leisure'. The economic tensions and anxieties surrounding employment reverberate through the song - most notably in Andy's cries of "leiiii-LEISURE!" and the shrieking, discordant alto sax solo at the song's climax. The other clear response to Thatcherism on this album is the record's second track, 'Ball and Chain'. A song protesting the destruction of the Swindon town centre, it was, according to Colin, a statement about "when eldermans in council chambers were getting outrageously fatter on inner city clearances". In other words, textbook Tories.

It's More A Way You Have To Give: English Settlement on Love XTC have never shied away from writing love songs; in fact, they've written some of my favourite, if not all time favourite love songs. But English Settlement isn't really an album about love in the way that, say, Wasp Star is. In my opinion, there are only 2 songs about the subject of love on English Settlement, and only one of them is really a 'love song'. That song, 'Snowman', isn't even a happy love song - it's about a loveless relationship, one where the narrator feels spurned by his girlfriend's coldness. It's a song about the painful elements of love, about rejection and hurt. In fact, it contains one of my favourite XTC lyrics: "people will always be tempted to wipe their feet on anything with 'welcome' written on it". It's just such a clever yet straightforward way of conveying the sentiment of being used, or being treated like you have no worth. Again, English Settlement isn't really an album about love at all, let alone an album that is sonically very joyful or celebratory - it is by far and away the opposite of that.

The other song I would argue is about love to an extent is 'All of a Sudden (It's Too Late)', a far more abstract composition - at least, lyrically - in comparison to 'Snowman', but a song that quite clearly touches upon the sentiment that we need love to survive and that we must realise this before there's nothing left to love and nothing left to give us love: "what can I say? why do we starve a thing that's near extinction? from day to day these weeds of fear are choking our conviction". Personally, I think it touches upon the idea that being sincere in regards to our emotions is always difficult - we're scared of making others feel uncomfortable, of being vulnerable and/or having that vulnerability exploited. So we hide our true feelings away, deep down inside of us - and then before we know it, the chance for honesty and truth is gone. The song is a reminder: tell someone you love them while you still can.

[lets-talk-spirituality]

https://at.tumblr.com/lets-talk-spirituality/703755184537567232/rfw9at8itdad /// I agree with everything, you're right and it's okay for you to act this way!

curiously I see a lot of myself on you, i'm a teenager, i grew up in an abusive household, and I have a poor communication with my parents (they’re divorced) it's a loooong story but summing up i developed many issues and attracted toxic friendships, i'm trying my best to heal and i know how you feel when people twist your words and put pressure on you, i know because I go through this since childhood (reason why i have only two friends lol. I don't consider friend friendship without depth. To protect my energy and mental health). I'm too caring toward others and I dont want to disappoint anyone. My life is boring but at least my heart is in peace. I have emotional blockage and use this as a way to avoid becoming codependent with an abusive person, i fear i would love unconditionally anyone who gives me the love i didnt received and wished so badly my entire life. I don't like having to be strong all the time, sometimes I feel exhausted i wish i could rely on someone.

Is easy to gaslight and manipulate me (i'm not even tell a story that happened to me with a narcisist during 2021😂 now i'm laughing but at that time i wanted to yell) after i realized this, i started to develop some defense and i never open up about me to others and only share what i don't mind people knowing. I don't trust my own self and need validation but finally i'm working on it and developing confidence. Consequently these wounds - plus many issues and anxiety - made me highly empathetic and intuitive (unfortunately not on a psychic level), I would never do to other people what was done to me. We don't have to become the monster that destroyed us.

I appreciate that you haven't given up on this blog even with all the trigger and annoying people, I wouldn't handle it, honestly, i'm glad you share knowledge and don't let negativity get in your way, the process of healing from trauma is very complicated. Wishing you the best! 🌱💕

sorry for bad english

Omg. Hi! Welcome to the tribe. So glad you found the blog and me because yes. We have very similar experiences and probably relate and can understand each other very deeply. If anything I hope it makes you feel less alone and gives you hope that things can always grow and strengthen. Reading your ask made me tear up a bit, because thank you for validating me and my experience and my reactions and for truly understanding what I said. I also feel like maybe we are connecting for the reason of feeling community and that’s so nice. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with me.

I’m adding you to the psychic bestie circle, because I was literally on the phone with my mom (also a long story, because who likes ‘em short?) about how I view loyalty and how seriously I take that and why it makes it hard for me to make friends and feel like I belong. I think trauma does this thing where you can’t take relationships lightly because so many of core your relationships are fractured and it doesn’t feel safe to have friends or other people around you can’t fully trust. It can be hard to engage with people who are more light and casual at times because it’s like they don’t really understand what it’s like. I struggle to connect a lot because I feel people don’t understand the depth of what experiences like this mean and how they shape us.

And you nailed it. I did that with my exes. I’m a lot more healed now because I rarely feel things (blessing and a curse, amiright?) for people, but part of me is so terrified to meet a healthy partner because I know so much of this will come up. Being love starved makes you primed for codependency. There’s this thing I wrote once:

“You’re going to hurt me.”

“No. I’m going to love you, and sometimes they feel the same.”

If you’ve only ever known love that hurts, healthy love hurts too, because it almost exacerbates how badly you were treated by offering a comparison. I can’t find a way to expand this feeling through words, so I hope you get what I’m saying.

And yes again! I literally wrote after talking to my mom not an hour ago “why do I always have to be the adult” I’m always the glue holding shit together, the one no one ever worries about because I always handle it. My sister is dealing finally with her trauma from all this and my mom is all I wanna be there for her and wanted to talk to me about what happened growing up honestly. And it’s like why couldn’t you offer me that when I was suicidal for the past two years (2020/2021) but you can give that to my sister (who deserves that obvi, but like I do too).

That’s the shit that kills me sometimes and I know it’s playing victim but sometimes it’s really like just because I’m smart and strong and wise and capable of holding it all together, doesn’t mean you can just neglect me. Doesn’t mean I should have to hold it all together all the time. That’s kinda what I mean about people negating my hard work. Like people I’ve encountered, generally speaking, seem to not understand my struggle because in a way I make it look bearable or something. I’m only like that because I had to bear it. There was no option. Whether I make it look easy or not, doesn’t mean it is. I could only ever rely on myself— ultimately things I’m grateful for, I’m sure you get this push and pull too between appreciating what you went through and how it grew you and also resenting it deeply because you’d rather be well adjusted.

Idk why today all my trauma is stirring around. Maybe because of therapy yesterday but it’s like all day I’ve had this energy going around. Anyway, sweet nonnie. I can tell you have an amazing and loving soul and I feel so much power from you, it’s quiet but formidable. If you ever want to chat in the DMs. I’m here for you! And your English was fucking perfect and I’m impressed AF because I can only speak English and un poquito de Espanol. Sending so much love and healing and just general joy to you! 💫⭐️☀️ Never let the dirt dim your shine. You’re golden baby and you only grow more rare with time. Mwah 💋

[seekinginnerwisdom]

I am an older female INFP and I first took the test as a teen and have consistently gotten the same results, regardless of website or version of test. And I was always kinda secretly proud to be one because my mom was struggling with my teen sister's bipolar/hormone powered rage and my dad, I think, was one of us too. He was a reserved, weird, sweet, unfocused mess who avoided conflict unless drafted (little war humor, get it from my dad). So I became my mom's confidant which made me feel helpful and special at the time but i now know probably wasnt "healthy".

Fast forward to now and I've earned a number of invisible "survivor of *insert trauma*" medals for myself. And just recently earned myself a small one for "surviving break up with first boyfriend after divorce" Its doesnt have a catchy title and I dont know how I they fit all the words on such a small surface but I'm proud of my small accomplishment. 13 years married, 6 years single, 2.5 years with him...alone again.

Shouldn't I be devastated longer than a week? He did it really poorly, too. Asked for a break a week before which took me by surprise, then 4 days later he told me he loved me and didnt want to break up but still needed time to figure things out, a few days later and its I want to be your friend but nothing more.

It was a back and forth conversation and he's telling me he's not attracted to me anymore and quickly adds "it's not because of the weight" (to clarify I have been struggling with my stomach and have lost 40 lbs which sounds great, unless you weren't overweight before and now I look like a skeleton). When he said that I couldn't help but laugh in that hurt way, where its brevity and pain mixed with a scoff (just me?) And not expecting a reply I rolled my eyes away from him and ask "so it's just me as a person" and there wasnt much hesitation before I hear a soft but steady "yes" behind me. As you can imagine, I didnt respond well to having my entire existence be rejected so i did something he had never seen me do. I yelled at him and kicked him out of my car. Then I tried to go back to work. Yup, he broke up with me in the middle of the work day. I'm sorry this is so long and I even skipped parts.

I left early and took a pill or two more than recommended and just ran away from consciousness as fast as modern medicine could get me there. (I dont post much so I dont know if I need to worry about responses but I took low doses of anti anxiety meds that wouldnt harm me unless i consume the whole bottle. I took 1 mg more than normal. Dont attack me). I got him to be more specific in his choice of break up methods the next week after texting to let him know I wrote a 7 page goodbye letter and how he has come out of this looking like a psychopath.

Is it an INFP thing? When someone hurts me or angers me and I'm trying to speak it's a lot of ums or long pauses. But hand me a pen or a keyboard and fill me will righteous rage...you cant stop me. If I know anything at all about you then you will receive a paragraph like you are reading right now filled with oddly observational criticism, I will hit upon at least one thing your sensitive about and end it all with a guilt trip so strong only the Catholically trained can weather it well.

I think he was afraid of the letter because he had been receiving the texts but not replying. He responded pretty quickly after that. After days of contradicting actions, trains of thought that burst into flames as it derailed and red string theory memes he finally told me that his decision to take a break, reassure me and then dump me in such an abrupt manner on a workday, twice btw, was because he really hadn't thought about it...

Now this is going to sound strange but I am so glad my exhusband had been abusive because it taught me control. Otherwise I would have hit him. Who does that?! Im 99% sure he wasnt lying because he's a blunt INTJ and he explained his incomprehensible thought process earlier and I've had previous experience with his type of obliviousness. He really didnt mean to hurt me, he doesnt have any social circle to speak of so when planned this whole thing his feedback was a crowd of 1.

But I saved the best for last. He appears to genuinely like me and really doesnt want to lose me. He wants to be friends...and my dumb ass said yes. With a caveat that the second he starts dating I'm out. I dont do lover to friends. I'm possessive and wont share. So as long as he stays single I'll be his friend. I know I'm dumb. I know I'm just going to be hurt by another display of thoughtlessness from him. But except for the week of hell I've been truly happy with him until I got sick. He's a jerk. I deserve better. But did you know, that INFP can be shallow too. I didnt until i met him. He is so pretty (in my eyes, he is definitely not to everyone's taste) and 7 years younger and he picked me 2.5 years ago. I am not pretty. Hard marriage, lifetime of depression, rather read another chapter than apply a layer of makeup, etc. but he eavesdrop me talking to my work friend and liked what he heard and asked me out.

God I'm dumb. Wow. I'm so sorry. It just happened today and I needed to let it out and when it started I tried another forum to get perspective from similar wired people as my boyfriend so I could do whatever was best for him and some responses were productive and informative if a tad blunt. One or two tried with all their might to be kind and I love them for that. The rest can burn in hell. I know I'm what people consider an "unhealthy" version of my type but I've just been considering myself a survival INFP. I think we all get broken a lot thanks to our inner compass. And when we build ourselves back up again our structure gains or loses new aspects. My corners are sharper, and someone broke my glasses so things arent clear all the time and when my belief in human goodness broke off I wasnt able to find all the pieces but it's still there. I'm still here. And now I will shut up. Sorry again. Still gonna post it though! :p

[soonasiknewyou]

I think, in addition to my reasonable and also widely unappreciated distrust of authoritary figures, religion has never resonated with me because everyone else seems to view it as a savior or guideline. To me, and this i only realized quite frequently, God had always been like more of a begrudging uncle you see once year, but that lets you borrow his old acoustic guitar, than any kind of caregiver. I realize this description seems unnecessarily specific, which it also coincidentally is. But yes, i have never felt particularly fond or even trusting towards God, and so whenever i entered church, i would just pray (read:beg), to keep borrowing the guitar, to keep the keys to life in my back pocket and just beg for him not to change the locks quite yet. While others prayed for, well, whatever it is good and proper pious Christians pray for, i would usually sit in the pews with my back straightened like an obedient child, eyes wide open and hands clasped in my lap and ask, «I get to do this again? Are you sure? Are you sure?» like i was asking for permission. Clearly, my relationship with religion and thereby life had been much like my relationship with everything else: polluted by an immediate and certain anxiety that it would very soon realize that i am an impostor and thereby move on to greener, pastures- and as a consequenceof this, i would always ache with a constant need of reassurance that, in most cases, i would never receive. If i ever did, the satisfaction would be short lasting, as i was convinced that whatever had praised me had only done so to shut me up (quite understandably). This was, and is, a terrbly tiring way to experience life, but in any case has also taught me that people really do not like caring about other people very much at all. In fact, my current hypothesis is that most of the general population tredges through life trying to avoid caring about other people, consciously or not. People want to love and be loved, sure, but perhaps more as an adjective than a verb. The act of genuinely caring about another person is both exhausting and also offers absolutely no reward- in fact, it is usually the cause of immense regret, mortification and, inevitably, immense loss. The human brain, quite understandably is not exhilirated at the thought, but alas, it is unavoidable. I do not believe for a second that there is or has ever been a person who had not cared about another person. Whether we like it or not, humans care about other humans. Most humans would rather not. Some humans (and i unfortunately fall into this category) care so much about everything, you come full circle and end up hating and loving everything in equal measure, with the scales tipping now and then. This all sounds either obvious or horrifyingly nihilistic, depending on whoevers reacting, and whether or not they are 1) suicidal, 2) hungry and/or underslept or 3) the kind of person that owns a little white dog and goes jogging at five in the morning, oftentimes with the little white dog in tow. But i dont think our avoidance towards attachments towards others is necessarily a bad thing. I just think everyone knows that forming those attachments and connections is dangerous business, but that it is also completely inevitable throughout life, and that the sooner you realize you dont actually want to be, nor have the ability to move to the forest and never speak to another soul again, the sooner you can get on with the rest of life and its freights and grooves.

[salorade]

Mask, bound, break

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!!! Asks of tumblr are/were always my favorite most indulgent thing online. >:D

I have NOT done a good job info-dumping (if any at all!) on tumblr about my OCs-- and i have too many to tell-- so I'll use this time to answer about Maso since he and gang are the OCs i havev spent a considerable amount of brainpower thinking about(he is a deepseaprisoner fan oc) -- and also do a double and do Blorbo, who has nothign to do with maso and friends but he is a guy in my icon.

mask: Does your OC wear a mask, literally or figuratively? What goes on beneath it? Is there anyone in their life who gets to see who they are under the mask?

Maso: Not quite figuratively-- as in, he puts on an act but at the same time he doesn't really put an act on. I wouldn't call him genuine, but I wouldn't say he's hiding a truer self. When he's sad, he'll try to escape it with substances and jokes. The two people who do see under his pretense would be his right-hand demon whom he has spent a considerable amount of time with (unhealthy coping mechanism), and his god whom he used to be in love with (they're a bit of the 'two sides of the same coin' in a very metaphorical way, they can't stand each other anymore but without the other all would perish)

Blorbo: A mask hiding a mask hiding a mask hiding a mask hiding a mask. Figuratively, though if you'd cut his face open there would probably be a hole instead of a skull.

bound: Has your OC ever been imprisoned or captured? What happened? How did they get out? Did the experience leave any scars?

Maso: No. He wouldn't be unkind to it though. In the canonical universe, he and his good god broke up because (NoT quite because, more like it was what broke the camels back) maso's demon named Laplace ate sado's head and most beloved angel (laplace had. social anxiety and he wanted to be friends). Sado punished Laplace by putting him into a deep slumber / dream. and so on and so on, maso gets mad at that's almost about it. -- In An Alternative Universe, if Sado were to kill Laplace instead of sleep, Maso would be violent. He would attempt at some point to imprison his god in fits of broken revenge. Sado would say nothing during this time, and would be let go only when maso breaks down further to realize what he is doing.

Blorbo: Ok. I've never really thought about it, but a guy who looks like anyone's favorite character must have been captured at least more than once. Have you seen those One Direction wattpad fics? I didn't but I'm pretty sure one would include kidnapping. Blorbo can probablly receive some damage in slapstick senses, but I don't think he can truly get wounded. When he dies, he teleports all brand-new to another part of the world/universe/whatever. What a guy.

break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

Maso: If his god would get beaten up he'd be really upset. Similarly, he often gets genuinely upset at the words of his god even if sado says something anyone else would say and wouldn't be a problem. I'm blanking out on the exact specifics of how you could get him to break down completely. he has things that gets him mad but they get him mad in a passive aggressive way where he still has control over the situation. I think it really is all reliant on his god, for something like a complete breakdown. I know in a Roleplay , Maso fed his heart to someone. I dont remember why but I do remember Sado almost died due to getting beaten up (IN RP, where these guys interact with outsiders -- they're so weak compared to others. roleplay isnt really canon for their universes except some times). Uhmm has anyone ever seen him at his lowest... yes the same as the mask question, good Othello and dear Sado would be the only confidants to know. I do think Maso (and mr. Sado too in fact) would hate being in his lowest or showing real weakness.

Blorbo: I think if you would push him to have his own identity or strip him of what he is, he would break down because he is in fact nothing outside of his looks (sexyman) -- OR that is how he would feel, adding this as i think about it more. I think he would also get frustrated if the pressure rises about how he's doing. I wonder if he would glitch like a video game! maybe somehow has seen him at his lowest. He'd probably explode and revive somewhere else.

[claroisamess]

Spilling my guts

I just rewacthed The Worst Person in the World (2021). Last time (first time) I saw it I booked a 4 day trip to Copenhagen,  although I could barely leave my appartment without breaking down. Last time (first time) I saw it I was in the middle of a huge mental health crisis, 23, in a long-term relationship, and the only thing I heard the movie tell me was "live a little".

Tonight (the second time) I created a Tumblr account in the hope that it would replace my paper diary, which I can't seem to write in anymore, even though I know the good it does me. I am now 25, in a relationship but single (I'll get to that later), still in a mental health crisis (burnout, this time). Tonight, all the movie seemed to be about was relationships, how they make you grew, how they make you small and big and new and old. How they're the best and the worst, how beautiful love can be.

I guess it's better, maybe I'm less of a mess, or maybe I've just accepted I don't have enough money to go on a trip.

A few months ago we broke up a 4 year long, beautiful relationship. I thought he was the love of my life. He did not think I was his. He made me both very little and much bigger. I care for him a lot

I met a guy. Perfect. Beautiful. Kind. Sensitive. Funny. Communist. But he also barely talks. He never really asks me question I think. He doesn't know if he is falling in love with me. I know I am, well I knew. I told him I loved him, I don't know if it's true. 

I want a love that feels like summer warmth. Something that takes you whole. But I never felt that, not from lovers. 

Actually no I did. But I didn't love them back. T and E, you were beautiful ouls, I hope you're happy. 

But everytime I am in love, it completely consumes me, and I give everything and more. But it never feels like I get as much. I'm at a point where I don't know if it's because I don't receive it or because I can't seem to perceive it. Je sais pas si je suis capable de ressentir des choses que j'arrive à peine à me donner. Ou si je n'aime pas la façon dont on me le donne. L est tactile, il fait attention. Mais il ne dit rien, et ça c'est difficile. S était pareil et je me suis dit plus jamais ça mais en fait je retombe droit dedans. Je pensais qu'il était parfait. Mais rien n'est plus étrange que quitter une relation ou l'on peut tout dire et tout faire, et devoir reconstruire ça avec quelqu'un d'autre. Est-ce qu'on parle moi parce que c'est le début ou parce que ça ne marche pas ? On se qu'on rigole moins parce que je ne le trouve pas drôle ou parce que je n'ose pas ?

Why do I still feel like I am single and empty if I'm supposed to be so in love with this person I barely know.

Comment je suis censée accepter d'être célibataire dans un endroit où j'ai ni amis ni famille ni hobbies ni un travail que j'aime ni un boulot que j'aime. I'm not working at the moment. Burn-out. Suspicion (but we're pretty certain). I went through it once, and still pushed myself. Stupid bitch. J'ai dit que j'allais être sympa avec moi-même mais franchement quelle conne.

I'm 25 and I'm scared of death more than anything. I've accomplished nothing, I'm never satusfied and I've lost most of my "good" years to anxiety. Now my shoulder and jaw constantly hurt and I don't have time to do anything fun. Or friends.

My therapist asked if I was depressed and I said no. 

Maybe I should've taken the antidepressants

I can't let this win

[tumortunes]

writing workshop for stanford aya cancer magazine

Deanna Beyer

Elephants and tea 

2nd magazine- stanford edition. Published quarterly. 

Topic: scars 

Deadline: oct 14 

Different modalities welcome > poetry, photography, stories, audio recording

Prompts: 

What words come to mind when you think of scars

Physical scarring - physical reminder

Craniotomy scars

Port scar

IV scars

Emotional scaring - effects mentality and how I move in the world and what timeline I have for myself

Anxiety for the future

Emotional triggers 

Worry for myself and my family 

Emotions bubbling under the surface 

Birthdays 

Growing pains

Every scar has a story- describe it and what it represents to you 

Craniotomy scar is 2 in 1. They used the same skin flap and skull piece for both procedures to reduce the trauma. My hair was finally starting to grow back after my first craniotomy and then i had to get shaved back in a wider area for the 2nd surgery. I used to hate it and cover it up with my hair before chemo and it was nice bc I could kinda blend in and look more normal. I remember being very self conscious about it when my hair fell off. I feel more aware of it now bc my hair is only on part of my head and the contrast is so drastic. It shows where ive been and how far ive come. Insecurity. Changed perspective about how I see myself.  

Hair falling out is a scar

Not all scars are visible - write about a moment during cancer that I’ll never forget

I was already overwhelmed with all the info being thrown at me during chemo 1 and I was still reeling in the fact that I even was here and needed chemo. I could feel myself getting more and more irritable and on edge. it took all I had to keep my emotions level. I remember responding to everything with curt yes/no responses so people would leave more quickly. I was pushed over the top when one of the clinicians asked me a question that rubbed me the wrong way. i realize now that she probably had good intentions but I hate seeing her even to this day. It felt like she way prying and assuming we had a close relationship when I didn’t even know her. Being asked “who are you” and not knowing. All of the characteristics and attributions that I prided myself in were not real anymore. I wasn’t a stanford pa student, I wasn’t living my best life, I wasn’t funny and happy. I felt a lot of loss in that moment. once im a pa I’ll be very cognizant of the wording I use when talking to my pts. 

Or being sent to the hospital via ambulance right after my first MRI 

Avoidance 

Uneasy 

Scars change over time. What does it look like now. What does it say about you. 

Hair stuff. Go from feeling empowered and putting on a cheerful personal for the internet version of myself vs how insecure I still feel. My preference is to cover it up still. 

How I interact with my family esp my mom. Only happy things. No complaining. No worrisome thoughts. Dont lean on her for difficult things. Protect her and myself. I dont want to be bombarded with all this emotion all the time. I want to forget it. Taking on burden. Changing relationship boundaries. Not letting them in. 

Has my perspective about my scars changed

Yes. Some more secure some less secure in my identity and how people perceive me. previously i felt like all of the things that defined me weren't true once i was a cancer pt. pretty hair, stanford pa student, basketball player, half marathon runner, cooker/baker, hostess, social. none of it was accurate when i was receiving treatment and i felt a loss of identity. i didn't know who i was. i know that im more than that tho and my relationships and the impact i have on the spaces and people around me matter more. im still working on integrating both perspectives.