#i try to be so silly with anybody i meet in a friendly way <3 that guy was so silly with it i need to be as relentlessly niceys as him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

handsomelyhiddleston · 3 years

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The Cabin - Tom Hiddleston x Curvy Reader (Part 1/3)

“What’s got you so distracted?” Evans asked Tom.

“Sorry, I just…I had planned on visiting my family again during break, but most of them will be on a cruise for a family friend’s wedding. I know I saw them less than two months ago for Christmas, but I don’t get to see them often anymore.”

“Oh, damn!” Chris replied.

“I know, I’m considering whether or not it’s even worth it to deal with two incredibly long flights going to and from London if I’m not even going to get to see my family.” He said, opening the make-up trailer door for him and Chris.

“Where else were you thinking about spending break?” he asked, plopping down in the make-up chair to start having all of the Captain America washed off for the next two weeks.

“Honestly, I don’t know. I may just take a trip to somewhere much closer by myself.” Tom answered, running his fingers through his hair when his wig was removed.

“If that’s what you WANT to do, cool, but you should just come with me to the cabin.” Chris suggested.

“The cabin?” Tom asked.

“Yeah, my friend Y/N owns a huge cabin and I drag my family up there every few years.” He explained.

“Thank you for the invite, but I couldn’t intrude on your family’s time with you.” Tom politely answered.

“Come on. First, you know my mother loves you. Second, you aren’t intruding on anything.” Chris tried convincing him.

“I really don’t want to be a bother.” Tom felt guilty, knowing how much of a family person Chris was.

“That’s it.” Chris dramatically pulled his cellphone out. “Siri, call Ma!”

“You wouldn’t.” Tom said, struggling to keep a straight face.

“Calling ‘Ma’” Siri’s voice replied. The make-up artists were trying hard to keep their laughs to themselves at this point.

After a few rings, Chris’ mother answered the phone. “Hey sweetie.”

“Hey Ma, I’m here with Hiddleston and I need you to settle an argument.” Chris shot Tom a snarky ‘watch this’ look.

“Tom! How are you, sweetheart?” Chris’ mom Lisa asked.

“I’m doing well, thank you. How have you been?” Tom replied with a grin on his face.

“I’m good, I’m good. Now what are you two arguing about?” She asked.

“Well, Tom isn’t going to get to see his family over filming break.” Chris started to explain.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” Lisa interrupted. “You should just drive up to Y/n’s with Chris! There’s plenty of room and you know I always make too much food anyhow.”

Chris gave Tom a cocky grin. “That’s exactly what I was telling him, Ma!”

“You’re too kind.” Tom laughed. “I suppose you’ve made an offer I can’t refuse.”

“Don’t be silly. You’re always welcome with us.” Lisa reiterated. “We’re getting ready for bed since our flight is so damn early in the morning, so I’ll see you two tomorrow!”

“Thanks, Ma! Be safe!” Chris answered, hanging up the phone.

“Thank you.” Tom said, getting up from his make-up chair.

“I told you, it’s no biggie. We’re gonna have a blast.” Evans answered.

“When are we leaving?” Tom asked.

“Well, we’ve got a few options.” Chris answered as the two of them left the make-up trailer.

“Go on.”

“They aren’t expecting us there until tomorrow, but if we leave in the next few hours, we’ll actually beat them there.” Chris explained.

“I mean, I’m nowhere near tired.” Tom said, letting Chris know he was down for the drive.

“Same. I’ve been so excited for this trip, I feel wired.” He replied “Wanna pack and meet me at mine?”

“Absolutely.” Tom answered. “Anything specific I should pack?” He called loudly as the two had walked a distance apart.

“Dress comfy!” Chris yelled back. “And bring a jacket! It’s snowing!”

Tom waved and made his way to his trailer.

It was about an 8 or 9 hour drive up to the cabin, so the guys rolled up at about 3 in the morning.

“Is anybody else here?” Tom asked, as Chris navigated his truck up the snowy drive.

“Y/n’s here. She spends about half her time up here.” Chris answered, parking the truck and shooting you a text.

“Where does she spend the rest of her time?” Tom asked.

“Everywhere, really. She’s a writer. She’s even come and crashed with me while I was filming.” Chris answered, hopping out of the truck when he got your text reply.

“Books? Scripts?” Tom asked, curious what you wrote.

“Books, mostly. She’s got a few popular series, but she also has a few pen names that she refuses to tell me so I’ve always assumed she like consults or edits or something.” Chris answered.

“How mysterious.” Tom chucked, grabbing his bag and following Chris up to the house.

“Y/n!” Chris yelled into the cabin, leading Tom into the large home.

“Did you really work all day and then drive 8 hours?” you laughed, walking down the stairs.

“I just couldn’t wait to see that beautiful face.” Chris dropped his bag and pulled you into a bear hug.

“Sure. This definitely has nothing to do with you beating Scott to one of the big bedrooms.” You laughed, wrapping your arms around him.

“That’s just a perk.” He teased, introducing you to Tom. “I’m sure you know who this is. Y/n, Tom. Tom, Y/n.”

“Nice to meet you.” You replied, pulling Tom into a hug.

“It’s very nice to meet you too.” Tom said, happy to see that you seemed just as chill and down to earth as the rest of Chris’ friends and family.

“He had to bail on his plans to fly home for the break, so I convinced him to join our two weeks of amazing chaos and shenanigans.” Chris laughed.

“Amazing is right, bucko. I just got two hot tubs installed” you shared.

“Yes!” Chris half yelled.

“Also, mi casa es su casa, Tom. Make yourself at home.” You told him.

“Gracias.” Tom replied in Spanish.

“Any chance you two want to take a dip tonight before the rest of the pack arrives?” Chris asked, looking between you and Tom.

“Absolutely” you answered, walking towards the kitchen. “You both okay with Beer? I’ve got other options.”

“Beer for me.” Chris answered.

“Actually, a beer sounds rather refreshing at the moment.” Tom answered.

“I’ll grab the beer and you two can pick your rooms” you called from the kitchen.

“You down for the hot tub?” Chris asked Tom.

“I am, but I didn’t pack any swim shorts.” He answered.

“No worries, Y/n has a whole closet full of random stuff. Follow me.” Chris led Tom up the stairs. “Y/n’s room is at the very top, but there’s two rooms just below that. We can take those two. Let those with kiddos stay closest to the bottom floor.”

“Sounds good to me” Tom replied, dropping his bag on the bed before following Chris to your closet of misfit swim clothes, jackets, sleepwear, blankets, and other miscellaneous stuff.

When you made your way upstairs, you saw that the guys had picked the two rooms closest to yours. You weren’t surprised. They were the two biggest after yours and Chris never got to pick one of them because he was always the last to show up for his family get togethers.

“When you two get changed, head up to mine. The second hot tub is on my balcony.” You took the three unopened beers and went up the last set of stairs to get changed in your room. Your suit was a black balconette bikini top and a pair of black high waisted bikini bottoms. The top and bottom had a few strappy bits that accentuated your curves.

“Well hello there, sexy lady.” You heard Chris and his unending charm behind you as you were finishing getting your top all sorted.

“You guys get settled in?” you asked, nodding towards the beers.

Chris opened one and handed it to you. “We did.” As he opened another for himself and sat on your bed, he shared a bit about Tom. “I’m happy he tagged along. I don’t know what he’s got going on in his personal life because he doesn’t share a lot, but he needs a break like this.”

“Well, if I had to take a guess...” you took a swig of your beer. “You two get along great which makes me think he’s a down to earth, genuine person.”

“I agree” Chris replied.

“If you’ve seen any of the tabloids lately, they aren’t very friendly to the exes of the women he’s most recently dated. I’m going to assume he’s a bit overwhelmed and a bit worn out. It’s hard to stay genuine and down to earth when the media is writing about you as if you’re a scheming fuckboy.”

Chris took a swig of his beer. “I think you might be right. God, beauty and brains? Why won’t you marry me?” he teased.

“Like you could handle me” you teased right back.

“I’m going to go get more beer so we don’t have to leave the hot tub.” Chris stood and smacked your ass on the way out.

“How did I know you were going to do that?” you laughed.

Chris was laughing as he passed Tom. “I’ll meet you two up there.”

When Tom walked in, you opened the last of the three beers and handed it to him. “Pink suits you.” You noticed he was wearing the bright pink swim shorts from the closet.

Tom blushed and laughed as he took a sip of his beer. “It was this or ones with bananas all over them. I thought I’d make a bold choice.”

“Choice well made” you replied, opening the double doors to your balcony. “It’s going to be a short chilly journey to the hot tub, but heaven once you get in.”

When you went to walk up the steps on the side of the hot tub to get in, Tom extended his arm so you could grab his hand. “Be careful.”

“Thank you.” You couldn’t help but smile.

“God, I leave for two minutes and you two are already holding hands.” Chris snarked as he joined the two of you on the balcony. You and Tom both laughed as you walked down into the hot tub and let go of his hand. “What’s he got that I don’t got?” Chris was fake sniffling as he climbed into the hot tub after Tom.

“Oh, sweetie. I don’t think you want to know the answer to that question.” You answered, finishing the beer in your hand.

“Now I really want to know” Chris replied, opening and handing you a second beer.

“Are you two always like this?” Tom laughed.

You and Chris looked at each other and answered “yeah” at the same time.

After the three of you had spent about a half hour in the hot tub just talking and laughing, Tom cleared his throat. “Thank you for this.”

“For what?” you asked. He was sat between you and Chris, the three of you looking out at the beautiful snowy mountain view.

“Chris, for inviting me. You, for having me. Both of you for forcing me to get out of my own head.” Tom answered.

“You don’t need to thank us.” Chris replied, slapping Tom on the shoulder.

“He’s right, you know.” You smiled, looping your arm through his and leaning your head on his shoulder, looking back out at the view. “You’re pretty great company if I do say so myself.”

“Well, if I can’t thank you, at least let me share my appreciation of you both.” Tom replied, pressing a quick kiss to the top of your head.

“Just wait until the whole pack shows up” Chris laughed. “It’s calm now, but you’re going to have plenty of distractions once the shenanigans start.”

“Remember, my room is the safe zone” you laughed. “No kids, it’s off-limits during games, and it’s the only access to this balcony.”

“I’ll keep that in mind” Tom chuckled.

Chris looked over and saw you cuddled into Tom’s side. “Why do I get the feeling you’re ‘appreciating’ Y/n over there a lot more than you are me” he teased.

You laughed and Tom looked over at Chris. “If you wanted a snuggle, that’s all you had to say.”

The three of you were all laughing, the lateness of the night sinking in. “If I snuggle anyone I’m going to fall asleep, and I have a feeling that’s not the best idea in a hot tub.” He stood up and hopped over the side, almost slipping on the icy balcony floor.

“What time is everyone arriving tomorrow?” you asked, not moving from your spot at Tom’s side.

“Well, they always grab breakfast down at that old little diner after they land, so maybe 11?” Chris answered, wrapping himself in a towel.

“You mean we actually get to sleep in?” you said with a bit of exaggerated shock.

“I don’t think it counts as sleeping in if you don’t go to bed until after the sun starts peaking over the mountains.” Tom teased you.

Chris laughed. “Hey, we’ll take it. Sleep is going to be a rare commodity around here for at least a few days.” He left the balcony and went back inside to warm up.

“I can’t wait.” Tom said.

“Me either. I love when they come up here. Always makes this place feel more like home.” You shared, moving to get out of the hot tub.

“I think the chaos is something I miss when I don’t get to spend time with my family.” Tom replied, once again grabbing your hand and making sure you made it safely out of the hot tub and onto the balcony. “I think having all of my nieces and nephews running around and the fact that there is always something cooking or baking…It’s hard to feel alone.”

You handed Tom a large towel and wrapped another one around yourself. “Well, if that’s your idea of a great time, you’re going to love your time with Chris’ family. They’re love and chaos and great food with a dash of an extreme love of competition.”

Tom followed you back into the house. “Well, again. I appreciate that I’m able to experience it.”

“Me too” you said, drying your hair a bit with your towel. “It sounds like you needed a bit of an escape.”

“That’s one way to put it” Tom said, drying off.

“Well, if you need anything just come find me, okay?” You could hear Chris coming back up the stairs to your room.

“Thank you, I will.” Tom replied, seeming to hesitate for a second. “I’ve enjoyed spending time with you tonight. Or this morning, rather.” He laughed.

You couldn’t help but smile as you threw your towel into the clothes hamper. You were a very confident person. You were proud of who you were, and you loved your curvy body, but all of a sudden you felt very naked standing there in your bikini. Tom’s genuine compliment and the way he confidently looked you up and down left you with goosebumps. “The feeling is definitely mutual.”

“Let me know if I can help with anything. Preparations and such.” Tom mentioned as Chris walked in.

“Don’t worry about that, Ma usually takes over when she gets here.” Chris laughed.

You shrugged. “True” you added, both grateful for and irritated by the interruption.

“Y/n, I checked that all of the doors were locked. Our trucks are both locked too. I’m gonna pass out and shower when I wake up.” Chris let you know.

“Thanks” you replied. “I’ll probably hop in the shower before I go to bed so that I can help your mom sort meals and such out when she gets here.”

“Sweet. I’m going to bed.” Chris interrupted himself with a yawn. “I will see both of you in a few hours”

As Chris headed back down a floor to his room, Tom cleared his throat. “I really don’t mind helping.”

“You’ll eventually get roped into doing something, I promise.” You laughed.

Tom nodded and smiled. “Well then, I’m going to go shower and sleep. I’ll see you in a bit.”

As Tom turned to walk down the stairs, you spoke. “Try to relax.” When he turned to look at you, you continued. “You have nothing to worry about for two whole weeks. No schedule, no paparazzi, no expectations…just, let yourself enjoy it, okay?”

Tom smiled and nodded his head. He replied “I think I will” before continuing down the stairs.

Instead of your alarm, you were woken up by Chris crawling into your bed. “Y/n.” He was trying to wake you up gently. “Y/n!”

“Did my alarm not go off?” you asked, rolling over and snuggling into Chris.

He chuckled, wrapping his arms around you. “I underestimated my mother’s planning. Turns out they got to the diner at 8 this morning and they’re currently unloading the cabs downstairs.”

“What time is it?” you asked.

“9:30” Chris replied, the two of you hearing someone coming up the stairs.

“I’m going to need coffee” you mumbled.

Tom made it to the top of the stairs and saw you and Chris together in your bed. He tucked the thought away, making note to ask Chris about the two of you later. “Not a morning person?” he asked, laughing at your messy bed head and request for caffeine.

“I can be when I need to be, but we were awake and drinking on my balcony like four hours ago” you replied.

“Can I make you some coffee?” Tom offered.

You rolled over and sat up sorting out your messy hair. “I can make it. I just need to get dressed.”

Chris rolled out of your bed, going to your closet. “Bra, leggings, sweater, fuzzy socks.” Chris tossed your clothes onto your bed.

“You know me so well.” You laughed, gathering your clothes and getting out of bed. “I’ll be down in a few.”

“I think they’re finished unloading, but I’ll go see if there’s anything else they need help with.” Tom replied, heading downstairs.

“I’m offended that you two look like you’ve just had 12 hours of beauty sleep.” You teased Chris, pulling your leggings on.

“I think you’re underestimating yourself” Chris said, turning to leave. “You’ve definitely caught someone’s attention.” Chris had noticed the way Tom looked at the two of you cuddled up in your bed and planned on asking him about it later.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you sleepily asked, but Chris was already gone.

You finished getting dressed in your long, oversized sweater and fuzzy socks and walked downstairs to greet Chris’ family.

“Y/n!” Chris’ sisters greeted, pulling you each into a hug, the three of you quickly catching up.

Then came Scott, who practically tackled you. “Bitch, it has been too long.”

“Agreed.” You replied, the two of you making plans to go get stuff for drinks tonight.

You’d said a few hellos and given a few hugs to various other friends and family and eventually you made your way to the kitchen with Tom and Lisa, Chris’ mom.

“Oh, my dear, it’s so good to see you.” Lisa pulled you into a tight hug, kissing both of your cheeks. “I can’t believe the boys showed up at three this morning!”

You laughed. “It’s good to see you too. And Chris warned me a few days ago that he would probably drive up after he finished filming.”

Looking over you saw Tom holding a mug of coffee out towards you. “For me?” You reached out and took the mug from him.

“It’s the least I could do. Lisa told me how you take your coffee.” He answered, nodding towards Chris’ mom.

You took a sip, humming to yourself. “Thank you, this is perfect.” You pressed a quick kiss to Tom’s cheek before hearing Chris’ niece call for you.

“In the kitchen, sweetie” you called back out, walking towards where you heard her call from.

As the adults started getting settled into their rooms, the kids were all starting to crash from the hectic morning they’d had.

“Let’s watch a movie in the den, guys.” You suggested, grabbing blankets and pillows and throwing them on the couches and floor so that the kids would spread out and nap.

“What are we gonna watch?” one of his nephews asked.

“Well, we’ve got Goosebumps, we’ve got School of Rock, and we’ve got Bedtime Stories.” You read the movies aloud, with the kids all picking Goosebumps. About 15 minutes in, all of you were asleep in various places in the room.

Scott, Chris, and Tom were bundled up in their jackets talking on the back porch as Chris set up your grill and got it ready to use.

“So how long have you guys known Y/n?” Tom asked.

“Oh, god. It’s been…I don’t even know. It’s been years.” Chris thought about how long you guys had been friends.

“Chris met Y/n one day in New York. She was there for a book project or something and Chris had ducked inside her apartment building to get away from paparazzi.” Scott laughed, remembering Chris tell him the story.

Chris let out a big laugh. “She was getting ready to walk out and I practically ran into her. When she realized why I so rudely shoved my way into the building, she asked me ‘Do you want to do something very immature but totally worth it?’ I had to, right?”

Scott continued the story. “She led him up to her apartment and ran inside. Chris just waited at the door wondering what he’d gotten himself into when she popped back out, holding a box of water balloons.”

Tom laughed. “Oh, please tell me you threw them at the paparazzi.”

“They did. They filled a bin full of them and went to the roof.” Scott replied.

“I have never made a friend so quickly in my life” Chris said. “We got through about half of the bin before they left. Even better, they never got a picture of me throwing the balloons. The tabloids alluded to the fact that it was me, but we never officially got caught.”

“I don’t know if she adopted us or if we adopted her, but she’s been family ever since.” Scott added.

“Either way, she’s the best kind of people.” Chris said, closing the lid on the grill.

“I can see that.” Tom replied. After a short pause, he continued. “Have you two ever…dated?”

Chris grinned, remembering how Tom had looked at the two of you cuddled up in your bed. “Nah, she’s one of my best friends. Possibly my actual best friend.” he answered, sitting down next to the other two guys.

“Even though I’m sure ma would love it if you two got together.” Scott laughed.

“I think ma just wants both of us to settle down and have kids like the girls did.” Chris replied. “She treats Y/n like a daughter.”

Scott looked back at Tom. “Why the interest in Y/n’s dating life, huh?” he teased him.

“Just curious” Tom answered with straightest face he could manage.

“I don’t know” Chris continued, continuing to tease Tom. “You two looked awfully cozy last night.”

Tom’s cheeks blushed a bit before he could answer. “If a beautiful woman laid her head on your shoulder, what would you have done?”

“Fair point.” Chris laughed. “She’s single, you know” he added.

“She is” Scott echoed, smirking. “And I have a date to go shopping with her if you want me to see if she’s interested.”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves” Tom replied, failing miserably at hiding his grin.

“No rush” Scott answered, putting his hands up. “I’m just saying…”

“Give him a break” Chris interrupted. “He’s got two weeks to see where things go.”

“True” Scott replied.

Part 2

#Tom Hiddleston #Tom Hiddleston x reader #Tom Hiddleston imagine #Tom Hiddleston x curvy reader #Loki

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fantasia-monogram · 3 years

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As the clock strikes midnight, part 1

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / epilogue

♥️ Taeyang x reader (nonbinary, female anatomy) x Jaeyoon; mentions of other SF9 members

♥️ Suggestive (~2k words); smoking, mentions of alcohol, (lightly) implied BDSM. Mutual pining. Next part is going to be NSFW (and reveal more about the characters’ history).

♥️ You’re a beast at work, having to be tough to climb up the corporate ladder, but what you never thought of is that your attitude might be intimidating to your long time crush. Luckily, your much more laid back friend is here to help... both of you.

♥️ Disclaimer: this is just for fun! I’m not claiming that’s how they are in real life, it’s just my imagination doing whatever it wants. Read at your own discretion.

“Ah, the exciting world of corporate banking.”

You were too tired to check the time, but one look over the room gave you a clear idea of what kind of stage the party has reached: vast office space, with all the desks pushed against the wall and a long table situated in the middle, was littered with barely-sober people, most of them in groups of two or three. The goal was to let coworkers of various titles and positions mingle in a casual manner, as the fairly young company’s hierarchy and employer count was expanding proportionately to its growth - friendly office culture was a staple in this place. Truth was, after a couple drinks (or, in case of some tougher individuals, whole bottles of soju), everyone would group into their regular lunch break cliques, usually within the same department.

Long gone were the days when the business was much smaller, and it was easier for people from different departments to form close bonds.

Luckily, you remembered them very well, and that’s why, as the party was dying down, you shared a (small and not very comfortable) couch with your two best colleagues: Lee Jaeyoon and Yoo Taeyang.

“Look at him. What a fighter,” Jaeyoon said with a hushed voice, pointing his almost full glass of whisky towards another corner of the spacious room. There, behind one of the squished-together desks, Quality Department leader Kim Inseong was still angrily babbling about work-related statistics to the nearly-wasted Training Supervisor, Baek Juho. The latter, with his forehead propped on his hand, kept waving at his superior to stop, as coherent words would not come out of his mouth at this point no matter how hard he tried. Inseong, incredibly professional yet warm and welcoming when sober, would do a total 180° after a single bottle of soju and turn into a snarky bastard ranting at everything going on in the company.

“Supervisor Baek is holding on strong, though,” Taeyang added in a matter-of-fact tone before taking a sip from his glass.

You couldn’t help but cover your mouth and snort with amusement.

The three of you were an unusual group.

You all joined the company on the same day, and underwent basic training for a couple weeks. Even though Jaeyoon was close to your age, the gap between you and Taeyang was much bigger. Add their impressive height and you had to admit, it was awkward to sit between these two guys every single day. Soon enough though, your small talk during short breaks would turn more and more enjoyable, and when the last week rolled in, as the oldest one, you mustered up the courage to invite them to a nearby coffee shop. Formally, you just wanted to celebrate the end of your training stage, but honestly… You grew fond of them, so there was no harm in getting to know them better away from the workplace.

Who knew the three of you would find common ground during that fateful meeting?

“Hey… Y/n… You there?” Jaeyoon’s voice snapped you out of a trip down the memory lane.

“Yeah. What were you saying?” you asked, a bit embarrassed.

“You don’t seem to be having fun at all. I haven’t seen you around the bar even once,” Jaeyoon ranted, haphazardly shaking his glass.

“You know I don’t drink.”, you stated calmly.

“Aish… It’s a party! No need to be so strict. Am I right?”

For some reason, Jaeyoon looked towards Taeyang with a wicked grin, and you followed. The youngest one, sitting by your right side, cleared his throat theatrically.

“I’ll go get myself another one.” he mumbled, already leaving the couch.

“Don’t overdo it!” Jaeyoon yelled, then turned back to you. “You could really use some percents, though. Just saying.”

“I have an image to maintain,” you said quietly, crossing your arms against your chest.

“You dressed like it’s every other day at work, too,” your friend pointed out, “It’s just a different colour.”

You looked at him resentfully. That’s true, tailored suits were your usual look, not just because you simply didn’t like dresses or skirts. It was the easiest way to elongate your silhouette, and you were already lacking in height compared to all the higher-ups attending company meetings with you.

A powerful look was expected from the Compliance Supervisor who rose to that position in a record-breaking time and was nowhere near done career-wise.

Besides, you had to admit, your neat suits in a whole variety of colors boosted your confidence every single day. You had all of them adjusted, so they would accentuate your figure in all the right places. Oh, all the times you and Jaeyoon would shamelessly ask poor Taeyang who’s got the best ass out of you two (“Okay, forget it. Taeyangie does,” Jaeyoon would end the competition each time, making Taeyang cringe).

"You're just jealous because I look better in red than you do," you barked, although lacking any real bite.

"Listen, what I'm trying to say is…" Jaeyoon leaned dangerously close to your ear. "...I don't mind your uniforms, but someone over there is on the brink of losing his mind right now."

You backed off, wide-eyed. Your friend discreetly threw a glance towards Taeyang, who just came back with his glass refilled.

Still dumbfounded, you kept looking back and forth at each of your friends, not realizing how silly it must have looked.

"Did I miss anything?" Taeyang asked, clearly feeling something went down during his absence.

"Yeah, I just said that maybe we should leave this remnant of a party and move somewhere else," Jaeyoon replied, looking over your shoulder at the youngest.

You furrowed your eyebrows, but ultimately decided his idea wasn't that bad after all.

"I don't know… Wouldn't it be rude to leave so early?" Taeyang mused.

"Seokwoo left, like, at 9," Jaeyoon pointed out. "Way before anybody had a chance to get drunk."

"Ah, our lovely Escalation Specialist," you sighed, talking about Kim Seokwoo, your right hand man at the Compliance Department. "You could say the party escalated too much for him."

"At nine!", the older of your friends laughed.

“What time is it anyway?” you asked. It didn’t matter that you could just check it yourself. You were used to people doing things like this for you around this place.

Jaeyoon, who knew it very well, fished his phone out of his shirt pocket.

“Uh… Fifteen to twelve,” he announced.

Taeyang tapped your shoulder.

"Happy early birthday," he threw casually.

Pleasant warmth rose to your cheeks. You were just starting to smile, your eyes crinkling already, when Jaeyoon jumped in his seat, startling both of you.

"Wait, what?!" he yelled, making a few heads turn for a second or two.

"What kind of a friend are you, really?" Taeyang snorted dryly, "It's y/n's birthday tomorrow."

Jaeyoon let out a sound that could best be described as a happy roar and pounced forward in an attempt to give you a bear hug. You dodged it by moving backwards, thus colliding into Taeyang's side.

You briefly glanced at each other, awkwardly nodding as an apology, before he uttered a quick it's fine and slid further into the couch.

"Hey, that hug was supposed to be a present!" Jaeyoon whined, recovering his dignity after the failure.

"Thanks, but no, thanks." you retorted, staying at a safe distance.

"Okay, but now we really have to go somewhere else. This calls for a celebration!" Your overly enthusiastic companion wasn't giving up that easily.

You turned to your other friend.

"Taeyang?"

"That's enough social interaction for today," the boy in question replied, "One more crowded place and I'll pass out on the spot."

He was known for his introverted tendencies; even at work, he occupied a desk that was a bit further from everyone else, guaranteeing him all the peace he needed, and had only one coworker he was somewhat close to apart from you two.

"What about we go to my place instead? I've got no alcohol, but there are plenty of leftovers for a late dinner if you're hungry," you offered instead.

"Sounds like a plan!" Jaeyoon clasped his hands. "I'll pay for the cab."

Taeyang bottomed out his glass.

"Wanna go for a smoke while we wait?"

As soon as you put a cigarette in your mouth, Taeyang was there to light it. You could swear his eyes lingered on your lips, but maybe it was so late that your eyes started pulling tricks on you.

A good five minutes passed of the three of you smoking in silence, enjoying the cool summer breeze and the sight of a nearly full moon above you. Taeyang was the first to finish, with you following. Jaeyoon was the last to end his cigarette, throwing it into the trash can nearby in a somewhat angry manner.

"Taeyang, I can't possibly imagine a better time to tell them than now."

Both you and Taeyang turned your heads towards Jaeyoon.

"Tell what?" you posed a question, confused.

The guys exchanged looks. After that, Taeyang averted his eyes, while Jaeyoon locked his with yours.

"I think he should be the one to explain." Jaeyoon stated firmly.

"It's fine," Taeyang's voice was unexpectedly weak, "I'm fine with you telling them."

You felt your heartbeat quicken all of sudden.

"He's head over heels for you."

And then, it was as if your heart just stopped. No, that couldn't be. Your pretty, soft spoken dongsaeng you always had your eyes on? In love with you?

"No way." you muttered, turning to face Taeyang. He still couldn't bear to look at you. "Is that true?"

Internally, you were screaming for him to say yes.

Poor guy seemed like he was about to get a panic attack, breathing in and out loudly, hands balled into fists. You could see him biting his lips.

"Come on." Jaeyoon ushered, "I did the hard part for you. Now it's your turn."

Taeyang slowly raised his gaze. His doll-like eyes were glazed over with tears - a sight so stunning it almost made you gasp.

"It's true. It's been going on for more than two years now." His voice was quiet, but steady.

You kept staring at his gorgeous, flushed face, unable to say a word. It was a clue for him to continue.

"I knew I had a chance. I'm not stupid. I noticed you treated me differently than Jaeyoon or any other friend at work. But I also knew your no relationships at the workplace policy and your attitude towards age gaps, and decided to keep it to myself."

Your heart was about to burst.

"I'm just as demanding in love as I am at work," you explained, "I'd ruin you."

Jaeyoon circled you. As soon as he stopped, he put his left hand on Taeyang's shoulder, while his right on yours.

"Tell them," he encouraged the younger guy again.

As if on command, there was fire burning in Taeyang's gaze. You felt it consume you as a whole.

"I'm not fragile," the boy declared, “I want to be ruined.”

You thought you were dreaming, but a squeeze of Jaeyoon’s hand on your shoulder anchored you back to reality, this reality being your crush at first sight confessing to you.

“Your confidence… How strict and relentless you are…” Taeyang went on, his voice breaking, “The tone of your voice… And your suits. Oh, your suits. It all turns me on so much.”

“What a guy,” Jaeyoon chuckled, shaking his head.

Both you and Taeyang decided to ignore him for now.

“I repeat,” Taeyang insisted, “I want to be ruined.”

Despite Jaeyoon’s continuous hold on both of you, you reached towards Taeyang’s face to caress his smooth cheeks with the back of your fingers. That was all he needed to surge forward and plant a brief, fluttering kiss on your lips that still managed to leave you with your head spinning, needing more.

“Happy birthday, y/n,” Taeyang whispered, holding his forehead against yours.

It was only then when you realized you were both breathing heavily, even though nothing had happened yet.

The moment was interrupted by the ringtone of Jaeyoon’s phone. At last, the guy ceased his hold on you to check the device.

“Okay, lovebirds, the cab is here. It’s gonna be a fun night.”

You glanced at Jaeyoon, then locked your eyes with Taeyang’s again. He reciprocated your devious smile.

(to be continued)

#sf9 scenarios #sf9 smut #sf9 imagines #yoo taeyang imagine #yoo taeyang scenario #Another long piece of writing...#Please bear with me #As the clock strikes midnight

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herstarburststories · 4 years

Text

Important Milestones (Damian Wayne x reader)

✾ Summary: An intimate look through your and Damian's relationship. Requested! It’s been a hot bit since I wrote for Damian, so I hope this one is good!

↼❈⇁

First meeting

Dick was taking Damian to the circus

Add a long conversation and lots of "Yeah, Dami. I'm sure the animals are treated well-- Actually, animals aren't allowed in legal circus anymore. You don't have to worry."

They were watching the show, and Damian couldn’t believe that Grayson was so excited about clowns

Damian excused himself to get some food

Dick asked him to get a hotdog, but Damian will bring him popcorn #beaveg

Thing is, you and Damian arrived the food trunk at the same time

Which leaded to an argument

Y/N: I got here first!

Damian: You are not on the line!

Y/N: Because you almost ran over me!

You two kept going long enough for a worried Dick to show up

How to trust each other

You know when you've never seen a person before, but once you lay your eyes on them, you start seeing their face in every crowd?

That's basically you and Damian

How come you didn't know the idiot from the circus was also the Wayne guy that studied with you?

How he, with Talia and Batman's observation skills, never noticed you walking around Gotham's School and now he always caught a sight of you?

You and Damian quickly fall into a weird routine:

Glare each other during lunch

Rolls your eyes when the others was talking in class

Annoy each other whenever you had the chance

Jon teased him a lot

Talking about Superboy...

He seemed off in the morning and he hadn't showed up for lunch like he always did

Damian decided to look for his best friend

Surprisingly, he found Jon crying in your arms in the middle of the chemistry laboratory

You just looked at Damian and nodded for him to come in

Y/N: His parents had a big fight. I found him here alone and thought I could help. Since you are here, guess I'll go.

Damian: You can stay. I mean, Jon probably could use your emotional assistance.

Damian still finds you annoying (and so do you), but you helped his friend

He trust you... A bit

Recognize your feelings

Damian came to school one day. He is clearly hurt-- he couldn’t even walk straight

Jon remained quiet. He was there when the week's villain throw Damian against a wall as if he was a bag of potatoes

But you don't know about the Robin detail

Besides, you are sort of a trinity with them now

Therefore, you worry

And you ask

And you worry some more

It's been a few weeks since your friendship started. Damian trusts you, he really does, but not enough to tell you

Let's keep in mind that pretty much like Bruce, Damian isn't the best when it comes to expressing his feelings through anything but violence

So, he acts like an idiot

Y/N: Damian, come on. I'm not stupid enough to believe you’d fall hard enough to get yourself hurt like this. Talk to me.

Damian: Stop pushing your need to fix everything on me, Y/N. You are not my mother. Don't waste your worry on me, I don't need it.

You realized you liked him when you felt way more worried than you usually would

But Damian just noticed his cherish for you when you glared at him with evident hurt in your eyes and left the table

He just wanted you back, making silly jokes with Jon and stealing his fries

Kiss me, idiot

Two days

48 hours + 12 minutes since you two fought

A whole weekend

LISTEN, his life was going perfectly well before you came along

Now it seems like you opened a spot that's exactly your fit and put yourself there

Whenever you aren't around, Damian feels this weird sensation of missing

Jon convinces him into talking to you

As soon as he sees you in school, he does

Apologize becomes another argument (surprise, surprise)

Damian: Why do you care so much?!

Y/N: Because I like you, idiot!

Damian: You, you like me? As in--

Then you kiss him

Because, let's be clear, you'd end up kissing or punching him

Finding out he's Robin

It's the most stupid way possible

Like, for real

Last night, his Robin's duties kept Damian up until 5am

Instead of leaving his clothes inside the Batcave as usual, he just crumbled to his bed

The sun arrived and so did you

School project

While Damian was out to grab some books, you were studying his room

A picture of him and Jon. Some papers with Arabian words. A dog's bed. Robin suit. A sword

Wait, come back

A. Robin. Suit.

Damian Wayne was many things, but cosplayer certainly wasn't on the list

The pieces glued together fast

A rich family would make sense: Batman and Robin's instruments never looked cheap. Four Robins existed among the years, and Damian had 3 brothers. Not to mention that he'd show up with random scratches and never explain what happened. He was good with swords, and the current Robin had been seen with them a lot of times. Besides, Damian Wayne would never wear a costume willingly, much less keep one in his room

He walks inside the room to see you wearing his cape and mask

Y/N: Guess I'm robin' your persona, huh? Wanna tell me something?

Meeting the family

You come from a big family

Good thing because anybody else would be scared if they were in your shoes

MESS, MESS, MESS

Dick is smiling like a crazy all the time, and making dad jokes

Tim is teasing Damian by asking you to blink twice if you need saving

Jason is directly fighting Damian and calling him devil spawn

Bruce is quietly watching everyone with a subtle smile on his lips. He asks you a few questions, and occasionally asks the boys to behave before answering his phone and excusing himself

Babs, Steph and Cassandra come in later

Now the teasing is divided between you and Damian and Steph and Tim

You tease them a lot, blushing Tim is adorable

You are wearing purple boots, and Steph already loves you for that

Dick tells Babara about you being aware of the family secret

She offered to train you for some self-defense

YOU ACCEPTED, DUH. SHE IS THE BATGIRL!!

Cass is more quiet, but very friendly

Alfred was the first batfam member that you'd met, though (also your fav)

You try (key word being try) to help him in the kitchen

Batcow became your best friend, sorry Jon

You met the Titan family as well

Now you had munition to tease Dick as much as he teased you and Damian

Thank you, Kory

Also, Kor is a real life alien princess, how cool is that!?

Beast Boy is the funniest guy -- and now you are pretty sure you became a vegetarian because you can't eat animals after seeing his transformation

Raven reminds you of Cass

Donna is so powerful, and she knows so many languages!

You get along with his two families

Although Damian rolls his eyes a lot during y'all interaction, he is really happy

First kid

You and Damian are in university when it happens

You both know it's a big step

There's no turning back, you two will always be connected

Damian and you are now responsible, parents

Of the cutest bunny!

Yep, you insisted on naming him Robin

The first kid you both adopted together

Get on your knees for me

Damian isn't much of a romantic

You don't really mind

But when he proposes, it's the sweetest thing

You two had ordered some veggie food to celebrate the end of your finals

Finally a break!

Damian was holding you on the couch as you both watched one of your favorite movies when Robin, the bunny showed up

Y/N: Batbunny, just because we have vegan food, it doesn't mean you can get some. Go eat your lettuce.

Damian: Beloved, maybe you should see what he brought for you.

The bunny had a necklace wrapped around him!!

And the said necklace was attached to a ring!!

A FUCKING DIAMOND!?

Extra of love:

You became a vigilant for a bit before deciding how you truly wanted to help people

Besides charity, you became a lawyer specialized in cases of racism and immigration

Your and Damian's wedding was a mix of your culture and his

Comment/Reblog if you liked it, feedback is magic! Wanna see more? Check my Masterlist! How about get tagged on my batboys or just Damian works? Ask me or add yourself to my taglist!

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weeklyfangirl · 5 years

Text

Frat Boy Pt. 20

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7 (1), part 7 (2), part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13 , part 14, part 15, part 16, part 17, part 18, part 19

Happy New Year!!!!!! Here’s a party and a hot guy loving on you - and you don’t even have to leave your home ;)

I haven’t been to many therapist offices after I started high school. This one was free, on student-life. Reproduced images of the sea were comforting enough, but it was the dreary stained carpet that reminded me where I was.

“Do you think they’re related to the night you were assaulted?”

“Yes. But I don’t know how to get rid of them. I lose sleep and then when I do sleep, I have these nightmares and I wake up more restless than if I’d just stayed up all night.”

“Hm. And how do you feel about Harry?”

“Harry?”

She nodded. “Yes, the boy in your dreams.” Her French manicured nails squeezed the top of her clipboard.

“That’s not an easy question.”

“Try.”

I sighed. “Okay…” The painted seagull in her office looked like an on-clearance print at TJ Maxx, and suddenly I wished I’d called my mother for her own version of therapy instead. Bargain shopping. “I think I hate him. But then I know I don’t. But then… I don’t necessarily like him either.”

“Do you love him?”

I laughed. “No, I don’t love him.”

“Why do you laugh?”

“I said I almost hated him and you ask me if I love him!” But my voice was a little too loud. The question stayed with me, stirring in my mind. “I think I’d know if I loved him.”

“Love looks different to different people. Finding a healthy version of love for yourself and your partner is where things can go awry. Or right.”

I remembered Harry and I talking at Alta about Madame Bovary, and how I’d told him that people love to the best of their abilities, from what they’ve learnt by their circumstances. Silence weighed in the room, and I knew she was waiting for me to elaborate on my feelings. Bleh.

“I don’t know,” I finally said. “But if this is what love looks like to him… We’re not even technically dating so this question doesn’t even apply!” I laughed again. “But then… even if we were, then... it’s not enough.”

“And what would be enough for you?”

“Stability.”

“And do you think this is possible with him?”

“Umm…” Zayn’s voice popped in my head - Harry was a magnet for infamy - and I laughed. I laughed, and I laughed...“No.”

“And why is that?”

“Because he self-sabotages. And he says things he doesn’t mean.”

“Such as...?”

A puff of breath left my lips. “Like last night, he said I didn’t have a life. And then he was comparing me to another girl. Viv. She’s like his… sister, basically. She grew up with him. But… he got really defensive and said at least she fucks me. But the fact that he said I don’t have a life?? A LIFE?? I mean shit, it’s not my fault he’s infiltrated my dreams is it?”

She shook her head. “It’s very important for you not to blame yourself. Show yourself the same kindness you’d show your friends. Renny, for example.”

Be kind to yourself.

I nodded. Those were the words my mother would say whenever I’d critique myself. Just like all those times before, the words registered, but it didn’t change anything about the frustration I felt. I was the one dumb enough to let him in. I’d let myself be dragged into him, even with every red flag hitting me in the face. I was collecting them for a meme bouquet at this point!

“Do you believe him?” she asked.

It took me a minute to hear her.

“The words he said to you,” she said. “That you don’t have a life.”

A timer beeped on her phone. She muted it. “I’d like you to write out what you want in your life for next time. Not what anybody else wants. But what Y/N wants. When you see it written out, no matter how silly it seems, having concrete answers might help.”

--------------

I was staring at my notes page, trying to think of what I wanted. I didn’t exactly have the chance to ask her what she meant by that. Did she mean career goals? Education goals? Relationship goals? What did this have to do with ending my nightmares?

A text at the top of my phone distracted me from the blank page.

Kiki: “Don’t worry, we didn’t forget about you. Get your hands on the special airhead pills from Harry’s and bring them to the DG Pretty Please Party next week. On the DL obvi.”

Viv chimed in on the group chat. “Congrats bitch! It’ll be fun for all of us.” She included the devil emoji.

This is what I got for stalling up until the last minute to walk into work. The practice was now a blatant reminder that Harry was out of my life and it didn’t help whenever I saw Lionel. It felt weird that I was seeing his dad more than him. Wrong, even.

Voices carried through the lot along with the clicking of heels. I turned my head.

Boss Lady Samantha was headed towards the elevator.

Shit, Y/N. Shit shit shit.

I got out, quietly closing the door. Better to walk with my boss than walk in late after her, right? Her red hair was let down today, ringlet curls in full effect. I could meet her at the elevator before it arrived.

But right when I was about to shout out hold the elevator Lionel walked right behind her. And I mean RIGHT behind her - there was hardly room for a Bible between them.

I hid behind my car, unsure if I was supposed to be seeing this.

Their voices were too low to hear, but his arm lingered at her lower back before the elevator opened. She got in. Alone. Lionel looked over his shoulder and I ducked further.

Through Grandpa’s windows, I saw the elevator door close. Lionel waved goodbye to Samantha and he pressed the button again.

Before chickening out, my shoulders straightened. I shouldn’t have to be the one hiding. I jogged to make it. His brows shot up in surprise as he held the elevator for me. The kindness I’d gotten used to seeing in his eyes looked hesitant this time.

“A little late today?” he asked, as soon as I’d made it in.

I avoided his eyes, nodded. It was a quiet elevator ride.

------------

My family’s house was a ten minute drive from the practice. Enough drive time to sit on what I’d seen outside Coast Shores Medicine. It could’ve been friendly. I didn’t have to do anything about this. But in my bones, I knew that friendly isn’t what I’d seen. Lionel avoided me the rest of the day, assigning me to print out billing statements. I hadn’t seen them make out or anything, but there was a certain intimacy I couldn’t write off right away. Did Mrs. de Saude know about his close work relationships? Did Harry?

The sickening uneasiness dissipated when I heard my parent’s Home Improvement HGTV hour. Dad was already passed out on the couch, snoring at a whopping 8 PM when I walked through the door. Ignoring Mom’s tutting of “they keep you too late,” we went to my bedroom.

“Pick the nude ones,” Mom said, adjusting the spectacles she only pulled out on rare occasions (magazine reading and shoe selections). “It makes your legs look longer.” It looked like there was something more she wanted to say.

I adjusted them in the mirror, wearing the blush dress I’d bought for my aunt’s beach wedding almost a year prior. It’d never been worn. Her Spanish fiancé she’d met three months prior stole her TV set and ran off with his gay lover a week before. As I stood, the dress just barely touched the floor. Simple, really, but the way the thin straps exposed my chest rendered it elegant. I felt like I needed a long cigarette and fur coat to make it complete.

Without context, Mother suddenly burst into an annoyed huff.

“You okay?” I asked.

“Hm?” Her lashes fluttered as if she hadn’t realized she’d made a noise. “Oh, yes. I’m fine. Your father just took another one of those sleeping pills. You should never get too dependent on medication, Y/N. Drink warm milk or something.”

“Mom.”

“I’m serious!” Her stony face certainly wasn’t comical.

“I know.”

She looked me over in the dress again and caught herself, pulling me in for a rushed hug. “I’m sorry,” she breathed. She rocked me a little. “It’s just been a little rough this week.” She squeezed me tighter, then let me go. All negative energy shoved into a box that’d spring open when we all least expected it. “Have a good night tonight. Say hello to Harry for me!”

When I walked to the car she threw out, “And tell him next time he can ask you with a Cartier ring! HA! I’m joking!! ... Kind of!!!”

I smiled, waving to her at the gate as I got into my Grandpa mobile. I didn’t have the heart to tell her Golden Boy wasn’t my date.

---------

There were two cops for every solo cup I could see littered on the ground. They patrolled the streets, but the frat house seemed unphased and restored to its former glory as I walked with Andre. Club music pounded beyond the doors, practically shaking the windows. Girls huddled up outside, holding each other’s hair back and trying to block anyone’s view from the bile, as the guys snickered over their shoulders and some pretended not to see. But the cops weren’t here to reprimand for underage drinking and public intoxication tonight. They were on watch. Stationed around the perimeter of the house and on either end of the street.

They were waiting for something else. For somebody else.

Andre seemed oblivious, practically skipping past them he was so excited. I, on the other hand, was already limping from the nude pumps.

“Wanna switch shoes?” he called back.

“Don’t make a deal you aren’t willing to keep,” I smiled, quirking a brow. “The nude would actually match your navy suit…”

He’d already walked on, fist bumping the bouncer who raised up a professional-grade camera and snapped a photo of us. When my eyes recovered from the flash, I spotted Officer Ramirez from the uniforms just beyond the frat’s ramshackle fence. He was already watching me. He raised two fingers above his brow and I nodded, curtly, even though I wanted to shrink inside myself. I hadn’t had the time to think about what I would say if he contacted me again, or if I should be the one to reach out to him.

Andre led me inside, and for once, I was glad I couldn’t hear my own thoughts. It raised ten degrees just from stepping inside. The boys were in Bond suits, but most had abandoned their jackets wherever they could - on the banister, the couch beneath the staircase, or the entrance hall. The girls had dressed up, too. This was the most covered up I think I’d seen some of them, though others still opted for above-the-knee slips.

“Oi, where’s your drink?!” Niall’s familiar voice shouted above the bass.

He pulled Andre into a side hug before we reached the dancefloor. When he saw me, Niall practically fell over.

“Y/N! What’re you doing here?” He spluttered, whiskey in his breath. The knot of his tie was already to his chest, but he loosened it even more. He looked over his shoulder, then back to me. “Renny’s just gone to the bathroom.”

“She’s my date,” Andre stepped in, placing an arm around my shoulder. It was completely platonic but Niall’s face went to stone.

Suddenly it cracked, and he laughed, running a hand over his stubbly chin. “Oh, shit.” He laughed again. “Shit!”

Andre smiled, unaware of anything else besides the fact that Niall must be proud he showed up with a date. He patted Niall’s shoulder. “We’re going to see the big bro, I’ll find you later.” Andre nodded his head for me to follow, leaving Niall cackling to himself in the entranceway.

“Niall’s THE. MAN,” he put his hands up for emphasis. “He’s my favorite in the house besides my big. We gotta say hi, then you can run off. Oh, Renny’s here too!” He squeezed my shoulders as if to excite me, as if she’d be the reason I’d stay. Loved the girl, but I knew she’d be back on top of Niall five minutes after she was out. I just didn’t want to have to watch.

I wrung my hands together, growing nervous. I knew the reason Niall had reacted that way was because Harry was going to be here. I knew this coming into it. But I’d been expecting him to ignore me the entire night. With Niall’s reaction, I wasn’t so sure anymore. What had Harry told Niall?

Someone sloshed their beer on me as I passed, and I turned sour, rolling my eyes as Andre pushed us forward. I picked up the pace before he could notice I’d stopped and wiped the glare off my face. Or, tried. I probably just looked constipated now.

WHY WAS HIDING EMOTION SO HARD??

I felt bad feeling so annoyed. Andre was excited. I should be excited, right? Sloshed beer and sweaty bodies came with the territory. Though I’d forgotten how humid it got in here. Hell and Florida were probably cooler. I picked up the ends of my dress, hoping for some sort of ventilation to reach parts of me that were on the verge of overheating.

The coffee tables and couches had been moved from the center of the living room to the fringes beneath the stairwell to make designated smoking and dancing sections. I could’ve stayed on the outside of the dance crowd. Hell, I could’ve joined the spaced-out smokers on the couch. But I didn’t. I followed Andre to the middle of the dance floor. I could barely see above the tops of people’s heads until we reached a bit of a clearing. And by clearing, I meant the sweaty dancers in front of us who made a break for freedom and gave us about ten seconds of space before other bodies rushed to fill it.

I felt him before I saw him. A tiny prick of consciousness that directed my gaze. And Andre’s finger.

“AYYYY!!!!!” Andre pointed to the DJ booth, waving his hands as he hollered.

Even with the rocking vibration of the bass that chattered my teeth, each nerve in my body went alert. Harry stood, flashing a white smile to the crowd before downing the rest of whatever potion was in his cup. I hated how my stomach clenched just by seeing him. He saw Andre and his smile grew, grabbing the mic. I was still unnoticed, hidden by dim lighting and nameless peers.

“Who’s ready for us to win tomorrow!?” His voice was low, demanding. It was a question for the crowd, but he was looking at Andre. I could sense the intensity even there, and it was then I realized it couldn’t be just me who feels so vulnerable around Harry. Each person he traps in his gaze stays there, until he lets them go.

The house erupted in cheers, but I was locked in place. The suit he was wearing looked similar to the one from the Halloween gala, and every bit of him looked just as stunning. His beautiful body swayed on the makeshift stage.

“Then let’s see you jump in-” His hand held up 5, 4, 3, 2… He spun another song and the crowd sprung from the floor before crashing back down. They jumped to the beat he made. A modern-day puppet master.

Andre wrapped an arm around me as he jumped. So I did, too.

“That’s my big!!” he yelled, mid-air.

“WHAT??”

He pointed to the DJ booth, but there was no one there besides Harry.

“.... HARRY??! HARRY’S YOUR- your…” I stopped jumping the same second Harry saw us together. It’s funny. It takes only a second to flip a dime on its head. His party boy mask dropped in an instant. The low lighting turned his eyes black, but they couldn’t conceal the daggers he shot straight at me.

“I have to use the bathroom,” I muttered.

Andre nodded. “S’UP THE STAIRS!” He found a friend nearby and latched on to him instead.

The small (okay, medium) part of me filled with nothing but Petty™ wanted Harry to see me with his little. But another part of me couldn’t handle his judgmental glare. Somehow, I was embarrassed. I didn’t want him to think I’d come here tonight to make him jealous. That I was so obsessed with him I’d found another in to the frat. I didn’t want him to think he controlled any part of my heart. What did it say that I ran away at first sight, though?

I’d already done it. It didn’t matter. Either way, I didn’t win.

I raced upstairs, weaving my way between couples sitting on the stairs, hoping that the line for the restroom was really long and Renny hadn’t already left. It was, and she was next in line.

“Oh my God, what are you doing here?!” she screeched, arms out and eyes squinted until I could no longer see her pupil.

“Why do people keep asking me that.”

She pulled me into an extra-long, extra-tight Renny hug. “Love yousoooomuch,” she rushed. Her breath smelled like Niall as she pulled away. She lifted the cup to my lips and I shook my head. She frowned.

“I talked with Niall,” she said. “He says Harry’s just going” - she hiccupped - “through a lot right now. S’best to leave him alone.”

The other girls in line perked up at the mention of his name, subconsciously leaning closer. I huffed. “Trust me. I am.”

When three girls stumbled out of the only bathroom stall, Renny rushed in. “Thank God I was about to pee on the carpet.” She tried tugging me in with her, but my eye was on the end of the hall. And the stupid DG pretty please.

“I’ll be back,” I muttered, squeezing her hand.

“Nooooo,” she drawled.

I squished her cheeks, checked her pupils. She didn’t need me to hold her hair back this time. I gave her cheek a lil slap.

“I’ll go with you next time you have to go. Which will be in like... twenty minutes. You broke the seal rookie!” I teased.

I didn’t even bother looking over the railing at the party below to see if he was watching me. I still had my DG task and a nonrefundable deposit to think about. I didn’t think I’d get many chances to be in this house again unless I swindled Andre or Niall into letting me in. But that would require an explanation, and I wasn’t sure I could tell them that.

Forget explanations. I needed to do it now. Lots of noise. Tons of distractions. I’d just think of it as… borrowing?

His door was locked and I groaned, kicking it and leaving a smudge beside all the others. I reached for a bobby pin in my purse and put it to work. I’d done it before in his bedroom, I could do it again here. The curve of the hallway protected me from onlookers waiting in line in the bathroom. Downstairs was a mixed bag. People could probably see through the railings running along the top floor.

Not that they’d think to look.

My knees were starting to hurt by the time I heard it click. I crept in, and for some reason, I expected his room to look different. But it was still the same. Dusty desk across from a queen-sized bed. Only one photograph atop his bedside mantle. And it didn’t smell like sweaty soccer clothes, but clean. With hints of a woodland spice and books. It felt like eons had passed since I was first here, undressing him like the drunken baby he’d been. As an act of betrayal, my body rushed at the thought of how his fingers had looped around my belt loops, tugging me closer. I swallowed, the image of his tightened pants expanding in my head. He’d almost been hard, then.

It was then, at that moment, that I decided that the one sip of alcohol I’d had must have been spiked with SOMETHING because I would NOT be that girl. I would NOT. I reFUSED TO LET MYSELF-

Seconds later, my fingertips grazed his soft gray sheets. He’d been sprawled out right about here, and the rush of seeing unseen skin on Harry had been too intoxicating an offer to refuse. The ghost of that rush flowed through me again as my memory played it over like a movie. Close-ups and panning shots - Down his toned chest to tattoos speckled along tan skin, tattoos that had been seemingly doodles, but now held much more meaning now that I knew of his history with the ocean. For his sister. My body leant down before I knew what I was doing, and I inhaled. The lingering aroma of his body chemistry altering his cologne: musky, a little spice, and warmth.

Even if every ounce of me wanted to dislike him, the legitimate biology behind my body responded to a chemistry I couldn’t control.

“What are you doing?”

He caught me on my knees, with one hand clutched in the sheets.

Fuckity FUCK-

He could whip out PSYCHO magazine informing people of highly-dangerous murderers with my mugshot plastered across the cover - and I’d believe him in that moment. Oh my gosh. Omgomgomg. He didn’t say what I expected him to say when he swayed in, though.

“Andre. Really?” He laughed to himself, but it was cold. “Fucking” - he stumbled, leaning on the desk chair to catch himself- “really?”

It wasn’t the alcohol that’d put him on edge. I’d seen him handle liquor before, but this time he looked… different. I stood up, realizing his eyes were racking down my dress. I crept towards him, hoping to make it past the door. Not because I was scared of him. But because I was mortified. I’d just looked like an absolute fucking psychopath AND I’d snuck into his bedroom. Maybe I could distract him. Maybe he was too drunk to ask me-

“What’re you doing here?”

“What are we… all doing here? At parties?”

“…in my room,” he clarified.

Welp. My philosophical question fell flat. Wouldn’t be the first time.

I waltzed past him, tight-lipped. In defense of my dignity, I still didn’t owe him anything. Not after how he’d treated me.

“Hey,” his arm jutted out, blocking my way. His brows crossed as he turned to a petulant boy. “S’rude to not answer.”

My blood boiled. “You are not about to give me a lesson on how bad it is to ignore people right now. Nor on being rude.”

“Can give you another one.”

He reached for me, but I stepped back, somewhat living in the hurt that flashed in his eyes at my rejection.

“You’re not leaving.” But his demand sounded like a plead.

“Thought you didn’t want me around you,” I scoffed, tearing past him. “Just because you’re drunk or high or whatever the fuck it is you are right now, doesn’t mean you can just… get a free pass! For a week! A whole week of awful-” I turned quickly, too frustrated to find the words. I took a step towards the door but-

“Y/N.” He was right behind me. His breath warmed the nape of my neck, the delicate hairs standing on end. No matter how much of an absolute mess he was, my body didn’t know better. I could practically feel him behind me, his presence radiating an alarm that blared through my veins. I wanted him. Badly. He trailed a finger down my arm, and his hand brushed against my own against my side. “I’m sorry,” he breathed. “I’m sorry, Y/N.”

His fingers gingerly interlaced with mine, turning me around.

Something wet was on my cheek. I touched it, quickly rubbing it away in horror. Why were tears running down my face?! What unfair cruelty was this!? He saw my tears and leant down, suddenly defeated, pulling my body with him.

“Why did’ya ever want me hm?” His nose went along my jaw. Full lips pressed against the base turned my legs weak. There was an underlying desperation to his words though, a prayer in his kiss. But my thoughts were turning anything but holy.

“Who says I did…” I wanted to pull away, ask him why he’d used past tense or why he’d completely ignored me this past week, but I was frozen by the softness of his hands. Self-respect was surely slipping away each moment I lingered. I could literally see Jane Austen parting the heavens and sticking her angelic head through Harry’s room to shame me with a glare. I do all this mental work to try and figure this guy out and… for what? I should be waltzing out that door, declaring I’d never talk to him again. I should give up messy and confused and pursue my own sanity. But the air only ever turned electric with him, in all his messiness, in all this confusion… and each time the spark appeared, it pushed us closer together until he was here, like this, soft hands gently running along my lower back, skilled fingertips feeling the dress fall slightly inwards at my waist, tracing a map of uncharted waters…

“You’re not thinking straight,” I breathed. And that went for both of us.

“Au contraire, I’m thinking clearer than I ever ‘ave.” There was a swirling madness shining through, but he bat his eyes and it was veiled again, vanished beneath the dark surface. He tilted his head, appraising my body, noticing my legs were no longer tensed to run, but in apprehension for another reason completely. A smirk settled in. “Why do you still want me?” he demanded, pulling me against him towards the bed.

“Arrogant ass,” I sniped, but I landed on him anyway. His fingers tightened around my waist, a hand snaking up behind to entwine with my hair. I felt him harden beneath me as he pulled my head to the side, just the right amount of rough. But he stalled over vulnerable skin, lips ghosting featherlight up to my ear. He let out a soft breath and I clenched in anticipation. For once, I had no thoughts. “You should be with me,” he breathed. “Should be mine.” His voice grew frustrated and he practically growled, lips kissing my neck, steady, before they started to suck in a rhythm. The shock of the sensation masked the shock from his words and my back arched, a spider’s shiver crawling down my spine. He stopped suddenly, shooting back like he’d been shocked. His grip softened ‘round the nape of my neck, and he looked so… confused. “Can’t mark you again,” he noted, despondent. But then the corners of his lips twitched up in a smirk. “Least where it’s visible.” My breath caught. His black ink eyes showed the slightest ring of green. I don’t remember lifting my hand, but fingers trailed along dark circles. These were a new development. I shook my head lightly. Something was wrong. This was wrong. I leant in, resting my head against his. “Harry-” but his lips cut me off before I could mention it.

I felt like I’d been feeling his lips everywhere but my own. They were eager, but kept pace, switching it up just when I was getting comfortable, slowing to make me feel the soft fullness of raspberry-pink lips. They were pillows, and clouds, and everything else soft and wonderful that I’d want to feel forever. He slipped in his tongue, deepening the kiss, and I ground my body against him, using his shoulders as leverage.

This wasn’t me. But I didn’t care enough to think about ‘who I was’ anymore. What did I want?

I felt him pulse between my legs.

“Harry,” I bit my lip, and I knew then. I’ve been wanting more, I’ll always want more. I was more aware than ever of an emptiness he could fill.

“Been hard ever since I saw you bouncing in that dress,” he said gruffly. “With fucking Andr- ahh...fuck.” I rocked my hips against him in spite, putting a hand over his mouth to shut him up.

But his head jutted back and came forward again. He looked at me through hooded eyes, and just like that I was sedated by his gaze, my body pausing. He looked like he was about to scold me. “Do it again.” His voice was low. I stalled, looking at the way his lips barely parted. “Don’t be shy now, Y/N.” My hips replied on command, but rebelliously, slowly, feeling the length of him run between the thin underwear that’d cocooned itself against my ridges and folds. I ran my hips back down against his thigh. “Fu-uhck-” He jutted his hips up, turning something wicked when I moaned. The friction from the dress and pressure from my own body rocking against Harry built a tightly coiled knot I wanted desperately to release. And then we were kissing again. Fervent. Eager. A skilled tongue slipping in to dance with my own. He was rock hard against me. I could feel the full outline pressed tight against his slacks now, creating my own mental map. My hands wrapped in his hair, and I pulled, relaxing our pace, rutting myself up with purpose to rotate in a circle at his clothed tip. The noise from his throat wasn’t human, and I felt heavy and light all at the same time when his thumb dug into my chin just under my lower lip.

“Wanna help you,” he rumbled. “Will you let me? Won’t you do that for me?”

I nodded, wordlessly, and with both hands tight on my hips, he tugged us further back until he was against the pillows, and me, repositioned above him. He pulled us down and we built a rhythm against his thigh, the determination in his stitched brow as he did half the work making it even sexier. He was almost needier than me. There was an urgency to his strong hands as they hiked up my dress, fingertips dancing around and just beneath the band of my underwear. He didn’t pull it off, just gently pushed my hips up and down, then harder, faster, to the damp patch already on his slacks. I was buzzing, every inch of me, the wound coil growing bigger, tighter, the build of release making my heart race. He stared at me as we moved together.

“Tha’s it. So good at this,” he mumbled. “So beautiful.”

My breath caught, and his wide eyes watched wondrously as I moved frenzied above him. His chest rose, bits of tattoo spilling past the white button-down collar. My hand clutched his shirt as I felt myself begin to peak. This was as intimate as I’ve been with someone, and the pressure of being seen through his eyes like this was a lot of pressure. I didn’t want to think about how many other girls had been in this position before. What he spoke to them, how they looked, what they’ve done, or how recently they’d done it. His hand cupped my face and brought me down, lips claiming me to the point of bruising and silencing voiceless thoughts. The pull of his lips, and the sturdiness of his thigh made me whimper. My swollen bud hit his clothed cock with each surge upwards, his hands guiding me, making sure my breath hitched each time. And each time, I’d feel him tense. Again, and again, just knowing his thick hard cock was against me, right against me, almost…

“Almost… Harry…”

“Y/N,” he rasped. I felt his hot gaze as I shuddered above him. He kissed me, slow, swallowing another whimper as a current of electricity ran from the crown of my head to my toes. His hands helped me ride out my high, slowly coming to a halt.

He opened his arms, letting me cuddle up against his chest. Silence stretched on over quiet breathing. “Been waiting a long time for that,” he finally mumbled. I quirked an eye open, realizing he’d been watching me. I almost didn’t recognize his eyes. For once, they seemed sated. Unhaunted. The clouds had seemed, for a moment, to have parted. “To see you cummm.” He hummed the last word, leaning down and nuzzling the nook of my neck. Still nuzzling, he quirked half his face to look at me. We shared a long kiss, then a shorter one to my forehead. “You’re magnificent.”

Though I hadn’t removed a stitch of clothing, I hadn’t felt more naked. And for all the times I’d felt embarrassed around Harry, at least in this moment, he made me feel comfortable about what we’d just done. We lay there, my scent now mingling with the rest of his in the room. I still felt him hard beneath my legs that were strewn across his lap, and I wondered if it was … painful. He stirred, placing one hand behind his head, the other wrapped around me.

I traced shapes into his chest. He hummed, smiling softly. It was his boyish smile. The one I’d hardly seen, the one that you want to wrap up and cuddle and protect from the world to keep this one second of pure happiness intact. I pecked the corner of his mouth and his smile broke, squeezing my side. “Thank you,” he mumbled. I checked to make sure his eyes were still closed when I looked down at the black slacks. Since I finished, he should, too. I swallowed nervously as my fingers traced lower, down the button down as I tried to remember the porn Renny and I had watched together one late summer night. His eyelashes fluttered open, and he watched me, curiously, darkly, until I stopped at the tip of his pants. I slipped my fingers beneath the belt, just barely feeling the coarseness of hair before he took my wrist in his hand. He practically hissed and I stilled, not noticing I was holding my breath. I couldn’t possibly be doing this wrong…

His index finger stroked the top of my hand, and I relaxed.

He looked at me gently. “Tonight was for you. S’all I wanted.” His touch was just as gentle, and he placed his thumb between my lips, running over them gently. I didn’t want him to see me as some pure untouched thing he should be scared to do anything with. My lips parted as seductively as I could make them appear, and I moved to let his finger in my mouth, but he cheekily closed my lips instead.

He stroked my cheek, almost giggling at my attempt. “This just isn’t how I picture it happening.”

The way his eyes were memorizing my lips told me he’d thought about this before, but I didn’t miss that he said how, and not where. Muffled EDC music vibrated his door, and faraway voices travelled through his open window from the yard below. The cops were waiting there, too. Was that the situation he was referring to?

“You deserve a lot, Y/N.”

I heard the hesitancy in his voice, some unforeseen disappointment he wouldn’t just spell out for me. “What’re you saying.”

“Just that there’s few things I want t’be sober for these days.”

The thought hit my stomach like the sharpened blade of a knife, and it hurt worse than any wound from my nightmares. “Why would you say something like that?” I demanded.

“Because it’s true.” His eyes searched mine, and I saw the sadness pulling him in. Like the tumultuous water of the middle of the ocean spirally inwards into itself. A treacherous water hole that’d carry you into its deepest abyss.

I shook my head as if to find a way out, as if that would clear away what I was seeing. “I never… know what’s going on with you,” I admitted. I thought to the interaction with Lionel and Samantha. “Is home life really that bad?”

“What home?” He huffed when I looked at him. “M’serious. I feel more alone when I walk in there than I do when I’m here. And nobody even fucking knows me here.”

“Everyone knows you.”

“You’re smarter than that, Y/N.”

“What’d you take tonight, hm?” I cooed. My hand traced the dark circles under his eyes, and he leant against my touch before looking to the window, still allowing me to touch him. No doubt from whatever stimulant or depressant he’d taken, his words had been more candid than ever before.

“A cocktail of sorts. Will fucking regret it in the mornin’. Probably.”

He looked back to me, and I didn’t have time to wipe the concern from my face. “Hey, don’t look at me like that. It’s okay. It doesn’t matter,” he stated.

He really believed it when he said it, and the way there didn’t seem to be enough energy left in him made me settle back in his arms with a frown. Because it did matter. It mattered a lot. A few moments later, he squeezed my sides. “You didn’t answer my question,” he mumbled.

“What question?”

He waited until I looked up at him, and even then he was hesitant. His voice was quiet when he spoke, intimate, so if even if someone was standing at the foot of the bed they couldn’t hear what he was about to ask.

“Why do you want me, Y/N?”

The vulnerable question hung in the air. And though it was presumptuous of him to ask, he wasn’t wrong. His eyes read me like a book he’d read a hundred times over. He saw me. I swallowed, my brain and heart at an all-out war. Unfortunately for me, they captured my tongue in a stale-mate. “I don’t know what I want.”

And it was true. The dilemma was the following:

The only thing my body wanted was him.

But my brain didn’t know if that’s what I should be wanting anymore.

And my heart was left in the middle of them both, not sure what it was feeling.

I felt him shrug. “I get it. I have so many opinions shouting at me in my head right now. About soccer, my fucked family, about” - he threw his hands between us.

After Niall had greeted me at the door, I was sure Harry had talked about us in some capacity. But how many people had opinions on our relationship? “Let me guess. Viv shares her opinion about us.”

“I don’t listen to hers.”

“But hey, at least she fucks you right.”

He sucked in a breath, shaking his head. “I didn’t mean that.”

“But it’s true, right? So no need to apologize.”

The room froze over. Just the thought of her whispering in his ear was enough to trigger an entire week’s worth of pent-up animosity.

“So maybe people are confused why Viv and I aren’t together but I couldn’t give a fuck about what they think. I fucking hate that we’re even talking about her right now.”

“What do they say?”

He rolled his eyes, hurriedly slanting his voice, “Viv’s gorgeous mate, she clearly wants you. What the fuck are you doing now?”

I flinched. He noticed. “Look, I seriously hate talking about this. Can we talk about the fact that I didn’t invite anyone tonight?”

“Aw, was Viv busy?”

“Alright, stop.”

A chill shot down my spine at the rejection. As much as I wanted to appreciate the fact he didn’t invite anyone, it didn’t help. This wasn’t helping at all. “I’m sorry if I want to talk about your relationships that directly affect me,” I said, rolling out of his arms.

“Y/N, please. It’s not like that.” His voice was tired, pleading, coaxing me to forget.

“But why are you like this? Why did you just say what you did to me?”

“You asked me-”

“It was very belittling.” I changed my voice to a dopey British accent, “Viv’s gorgeous what the fuck are you doing with Y/N?” I ignored his scowl. “Really, thanks for the best compliment of the night.” I pushed against his chest, annoyed. “And why are you being like this now? All cuddly and-”

“It’s not one-sided.”

I felt my cheeks heat. “Not tonight. But it’s one-sided any other time.”

“S’that what you really think of me?” He pulled me closer, and I fought the urge to twist away. His forehead pressed into my hair. “Firstly, you’re fucking beautiful Y/N. You have to know this. And you have to know you’re important to me. And secondly…”

“Thirdly,” I corrected.

His eyes turned somber. “They’re watching,” he mumbled, pleading. “This is hard for me, too.”

The gang, the cops, both, whichever it was, it didn’t matter. The effect was the same. No matter how special he claimed I was to him, we always went in circles. Maybe he had gotten it right. Maybe it was better for both of us if we weren’t together. “Why is it so hard then?” I whispered.

“Nothing good comes easy.”

I remained silent. It was a cop-out response.

He ran a hand down his face and sat up. “Because I’m fucked! I’m fucked, Y/N and there’s only so many people I can hide from. And you aren’t one of them.”

It was the most candid he’d ever been with me, without revealing anything at all.

A knock sounded at the door.

I went to move, but he kept me against him, covering my ears as he shouted-

“FUCK OFF!!”

But even with his hands over my ears, it wasn’t very muted. The knock grew louder, more obnoxious.

“Sorry,” he grumbled, moving to open the door. When it opened, a boy wearing a snapback around the same height as Harry leant against the doorframe.

“Wassup, man-” Snapback almost burst in.

Harry’s back went stiff as the stranger’s snapback practically poked Harry in the eye. If their overcompensating confidence and too-familiar smile told me anything – freshmen. At least Snapback’s friend wore a Bond-inspired bow-tie t-shirt.

Harry put a hand to Snapback’s chest, backing him back out of the room. They watched me walk up behind him.

“Hey, relax man, we just wanted to get some zombies,” Bowtie bargained.

“You’ve got some fucking balls,” he snarled.

My ears pricked. He was looking for the same thing, then. From Harry. My heart sunk to the lowest part of my belly after remembering why I’d come here in the first place. The sliver of hope I’d had was that maybe what Zayn had witnessed was just Harry’s past. A summer blunder. A summer fling with an illegal hobby. You know, some kids did drugs, some kids sold drugs... It was a ridiculously stupid comparison now that I thought about it. But still, I had hope. Now my undeniable denial was being shred up right in front of me.

The cops, the gang, the drugs circulating campus…

Harry had made his bed, and I was lying in it.

I squeezed past him.

“Wait, are you leaving?” He still blocked his doorway.

I ignored the pang of guilt I felt at his boyish disappointment. He looked at me, body still intimidatingly rigid, but his eyes, impossibly soft. Snapback tried to move past him again and Harry whipped his head back with a growl. “Get the fuck out of here.”

“Excuse me?” Bowtie came closer, puffing out his muscled chest. Testosterone, angst and alcohol were never the best combination. I grew nervous at the tension, looking from my escape at the end of the hall, back to Harry.

“C’mon, we have the cash. We’ll pay double!” Snapback whined, cornering him.

The words made me nauseous, conjuring the image of Viv sliding Harry the cash. I didn’t want to see this again. I didn’t want to see anything again.

“I don’t do that shit anymore.” He strode through their barricade, determined, but Bowtie tugged him back. His nostrils flared and I could tell he was trying to keep his cool. He could ruin these guys if he wanted to. I don’t know why he was letting them keep him. But I also didn’t know why I didn’t run away. It was like watching a train wreck seconds before it happened.

I stood alone, in the center of the hall, the only person on Harry’s horizon. A lighthouse hoping to steer the sailor home.

“C’mon, please man, everyone’s talking about them. We just need one,” Snapback exhorted. He put up his hands, pleading. “We’ll split one. We’ll seriously cut it in half.”

Even from here, I could see the muscles in his neck tense. I tried doing to him what he did to everyone else. I trapped him, wide-eyed, anchoring him to me. He didn’t break our stare.

As if each word scraped against his skull, “I said I don’t do that shit.”

“That’s a fucking joke. Mark got some last week,” Bowtie barked.

I saw the moment I lost him. In what world I thought I could be enough to harbor him, I had no idea. Harry snapped, kicking the steroid-pumped kid so hard in the knee, it knocked him down. It wasn’t a broken bone, but it’d leave one hell of a bruise.

“Dude, are you crazy?!” Snapback cried.

Harry raised his fist, bringing it flying. I gasped and hid my face. But I didn’t hear an impact. I faced them again.

Harry’s fist froze inches before his cheek. Facing what would have been a badly broken nose, Bowtie shook on the floor. Slowly, ever so slowly, Harry relaxed his hovering fist and folded his arms, squatting next to the quivering guy. “You’re fucking welcome I was in a good mood ‘fore you came, otherwise I wouldn’t be acting so polite.”

The squeak of a floorboard shook Harry back to Earth. He caught me walking away and his whole body straightened, once again hyper-focused on me, trying to tune in and trap me exactly where I stood. Taking advantage of his distraction, Snapback and Bowtie ran for it. Bowtie limped, running into me and knocking me off-balance as he passed.

In a second, it was just us.

“Y/N,” he began, walking towards me cautiously.

“No.”

He stopped in his tracks. He was tall, but his shoulders hung in despondent defeat.

“You were right, Harry.”

I could see how tired he was. I could see the broken pieces fitting into something beautiful. He looked so sad and regretful, I already felt guilty for saying,

“You can’t hide anymore.” And with one last look at the broken boy before me, “You are fucked.”

Suddenly, the beer on the floor was just stale and sticky. The couches were filthy from strangers’ mistakes. And the air would never be clear. Harry had been right. This entire house was filled with people who didn’t care and if they did, they were trying to forget; a place more empty than if it were vacant. It was a mess just like the boy living in it. And just like the grand house, impressive at first glance, not all of his parts were beautiful.

I ignored the way his broken pieces seemed to shatter as soon as I said it and the way it hurt me ten-fold. I ignored him calling out my name as I maneuvered through the blur of bodies, until I lost his voice on the dance floor. I could breathe better outside and I walked past the cops without acknowledging them.

From complete chaos to relative quiet, my ears rung, filling the new silence.

Maybe this was the last time we’d speak. Maybe this was how it all should’ve ended that first day in September. Because in that house, that wasn’t the Harry I thought I’d knew. That was a boy far-gone, confused, and I was falling down with him. I was ANGRY. I PITIED him. And I was angry for feeling something else I should never have felt for him.

Somehow, in this fuzzy ringing world buzzing with heated thoughts and cop lights that blurred my vision, I heard a notepad scribble as soon as I passed a squad car.

Lucky for me, Momma always said I had selective hearing.

part 21

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survivoroverwatch · 4 years

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Tribal Council #3 - Damage

Welcome Damage to your first tribal council and the third overall tribal council of the season.

Let’s start off with some questions.

Ark: You were eliminated from the challenge due to your own inactivity. Does this put a target on your back? Or do you think you built the social bonds necessary to avoid the chop?

I personally think I have a target on my back (that's a different topic entirely) but lord knows what everyone else thinks of me. we've all been extremely nice and supportive to each other and I have no reason to suspect anyone. i think this will really come down to everyone just having to choose someone and the unfortunate person having to say goodbye. will it be me? hell if I know. i'm just glad my first game was a good learning experience with friendly people.

Austin: After this vote, we will be going down to Final 14. Do you think a swap is happening? Or do you think that we just will never swap at all?

I feel a swap Is def coming if not this round then the next. I'm excited and scared for it at the same time. I love meeting new ppl but also ya never know who u can trust in a tribe swap.

Hunter: You were the last person standing on your tribe. Does this mean you feel safe tonight knowing you’ve proven yourself? Or do you think this puts a target on your back as a potential competition threat for later in the game?

I was the last person standing because of luck, mostly. The others that got out were busy with their lives. I'm not gonna say I was the last of the tribe in the challenge because of my own skills, I just have no life so I could stay attached to my computer better.

Jay: Your tribe is going to tribal for the first time in four rounds. This means alliances and trust have not been truly tested yet. How do you think that dynamic plays into this vote?

It’s common to think that tribal councils are the only way to “test” if you can trust others, but I think that’s silly. Trust is something you develop based on conversation. Typically unless you’re playing with really fake people you can tell who trusts you and who doesn’t.

Paolo: The idol hunt has been around for several rounds. And multiple sources have told me it is very long and wordy. Do you think that’s true? And if that’s true then do you think someone in your tribe has found anything significant? Are we going to see an advantage here tonight?

I think the idol hunt is cool! I haven't earned anything useful yet, but it's probably because I stopped looking after I found out people could receive disadvantages from the search. Honestly, if someone's found something significant, they're doing a good job of hiding it, although I think it's too early to play it if they have one.

Zach: How do you feel about the pace of the game? We seem to have two camps of people not knowing what they are doing and people who know Survivor. Do you think this factors into who is getting voted out tonight?

Personally, this game feels slow. But pre merge always seems like it takes 9 years. I think that people that don’t know survivor will be affected solely because they don’t understand how the game is played. That lack of knowledge directly plays into your level of gameplay.

Before the votes are read, if anybody has played a hidden immunity idol, now would be the time it would be announced.

No one stands

I’ll read the votes. Once the votes are read, the decision is final and the person voted out will be asked to leave the tribal council area immediately.

First Vote:

Zach

If this isn't majority decision, I've been PLAYED

Second Vote:

Hunter

Sorry i’m just trying to save my own ass

Third Vote:

Zach

i'm sorry but the random.org number generator chose you :(

Fourth Vote:

Zach

we hate to see it

Fifth Vote:

And the third person voted out of Survivor: Overwatch is…

Zach

Rip in pieces, you will be missed. Or whoever has the most votes will be missed, anyway

That’s 4 votes that’s enough. Zach please bring me your torch.

Last Vote was for…

Zach

Had to be someone sorry

Zach, the tribe has spoken. If you have any last words, say them now. Otherwise, it’s time for you to go.

A unanimous vote? Hopefully this means you guys will be unified for what is to come. Grab your stuff and head back to camp.

Post shortly

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deathclawforcuties · 5 years

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Fallout OC Interview!

Rules:

1. Choose an OC.

2. Answer them as that OC.

3. Tag 5 people to do the same.

@abigatorex, @tea-petty, @nukagalreacts . Unleash thy OC's upon the world!

1. What is your name?

Celestine O'Kelley-Hancock

2. How old are you?

Technically 233, give or take a year...

3. What do you look like?

Short, chubby, pale, long ash brown hair. I mean, I'm not likely to win any beauty pageants, that's for sure.

4. Where are you from? Where do you live now?

I'm originally from the midwest, but I currently live in Goodneighbor, and sometimes the Slog.

5. What was your childhood like?

Crazy! My family wasn't large, but we were close and very, very silly. My adopted cousin is Jack Daniel O'Kelley. Love that silly bastard 😊.

6. What groups are you friendly with? Are you allied with any factions?

Currently with the Minutemen, as I serve in their ranks as General (STILL trying to convince my hubby to change our last name to Misconduct...you get the GENERAL idea. LOL). On barely neutral terms with the Brotherhood of Steel. They may have started off nobly enough, but this current generation has strayed from its original mission of helping humanity, and their blatant discrimination of ghouls and synths is deplorable; the world isn't black and white. Allied with the Railroad, and outright hostile towards the Institute.

7. Tell me about your best friend.

Who, Jack? Or Hancock? Or MacCready? Jack is a member of my family and Hancock is my hubby. We, along with Jack's hubby Danse (who keeps an eye on our antics) will meet up a couple times a year to do holiday stuff, as well as get stoned. I grow the best rad weed...MacCready is my brother from another mother, and he can't stand the fact that I shoot better. Every time we visit each other, he has to shoot a couple rounds off with me. Wait...that sounds wrong....IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!

8. Do you have a family? Tell me about them!

With the exception of Jack, my prewar family is...gone. My adopted family lives up at the Slog, however. Wiseman and Deirdre took me in when I temporarily lost my memory, and treated me like I was their own. I love them dearly. I help them grow rad weed for extra income, and Deirdre and I make salves out of it for achy joints. Good shit.

9. What about a partner or partners?

My partner is John Hancock, mayor of Goodneighbor (and apparently my pants...o///o).

10. Who are your enemies, and why?

I don't have enemies, because anybody stupid enough to call themselves that winds up getting stoned with me...Wonder Weed, man. I'm tellin' ya!

11. Have you ever heard of The Brotherhood of Steel? What do you think about them?

Didn't...didn't I just go over this? Or did I hallucinate that? Damn I want some Dandy Boy apples right now...

12. What about The Enclave?

Thewhatnow? That some kind of cult? I mean, I'm not judging you...buuuut.....whatever rows your boat I guess?

13. How do you feel about Super Mutants?

Jolly Green Giant on crack is usually the first thing that comes to mind...(shrugs).

14. What’s the craziest fight you’ve ever been in?

Ok, so, I know you're going to think I was stoned out of my gourd for this but it legit happened! I fought a fucking alien! No, seriously!

15. Have you ever fought a Deathclaw?

Define 'Fought'.....Now, if you were to ask me if I've ever attempted to ride a deathclaw: 6 times. Surprised I'm not dead yet, to be honest...

16. Do you like fighting?

I prefer sniping...does that count?

17. What’s your weapon of choice?

Brotherhood of Steel standard issue sniper rifle with a long-distance scope, modified silenced snout, and an extended attached ammunitions slot. If the Brotherhood is good at anything, it would be it's weaponry.

18. How do you survive? Your wits, your charm, your skills, brute force, some combination? (a.k.a. what’s your S.P.E.C.I.A.L?)

I rely mostly on my wit and sharpshooting skills, though Hancock tells me I also have a way with words.

19. Have you ever been in a vault? What do you think about them?

I came out of one. It. Sucked. Ass.

20. How do you beat all the radiation around here? Has it affected you?

With a stick until it cries. Kidding! Good old radaway and radX does the trick for me, that and using my power armor in bad areas.

21. What’s your favorite wasteland critter?

I want a pet deathclaw, but I keep getting lectured from Danse and Mac about how they're not safe and all that. John only tells me that if I can successfully snatch an egg and NOT have Mommy hunt me down, he's game.

22. What’s your least favorite wasteland critter?

Rad Roaches and Rad Scorps. EVERY SHADE OF NOPE!

23. How do you feel about robots?

Thirsty...

24. How many caps do you have on you right now?

....Uuuuuuuh.....I forgot.

25. Nuka Cola or Sunset Sarsaparilla?

Nuka Cola! What kind of heathen do you take me for? LOL!

26. Do you do chems?

Mentats, MedX, and weed baby.

27. Do you ever think about the Pre-War world?

NopeNopeNopelalalalaCAN'THEARYOU!

28. What’s your deepest regret? What would you do differently?

I have no regrets. No use wasting time on how you coulda-woulda-shoulda. Life's too short for that shit.

29. What’s your biggest achievement? Or what do you hope to achieve?

I helped make the Slog the best place to grow rad weed! So proud! What I would like to achieve next will most likely get me shot, as it involves me punching a certain bigot in the nuts... *COUGH*MAXSON*COUGH* Sorry. Too hard of a hit on my blunt.

30. What do you want for the future? For yourself? Your friends? The world?

I want to keep living life, man. I want my friends, my family, and our people to not just survive, but to THRIVE. Maybe then the world could take a note from us.

#fallout #fallout 4 #my ocs

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thewinebottlenr43-blog · 6 years

Text

HEARTBREAK FH/AU FANFIC

Second part of my silly little Heartbreak Does Some Heartbreaking Story. A few things to keep in mind

1 this is a quite long fanfic. If you don't like long fanfic just skip this one.

2 spoilers. Dah. For both book 1 and the demo of book 2 Story is quite simplicity told. I just wrote it in order to corrupt my holy mc. Someone has to be Satan around here.

3 Since Heartbreak is unknown. Something that does break my heart. I had to make things up. I tried to go for a queen of the bored type of character. It will come of as cheesy. Apologies. Has a weird ending.

Part 2

Powerless .

" I need to tell her "

It was al you can think of as you are walking from Yasmins apartment to the gym . Hands trembleing. It had been 2 days since you were atacked. The memory constantly resurfacing in your mind, like looped fotage. The feeling of getting cold.. Everything going blurrier. You losing controll over your puppets body and your mind as you were being dragged back to the nightmares that had haunted you for the last 8 years. The verry same nightmare that now was in possession of your real body.

Heartbreak.

Just thinking about her makes your body shiver and your heartbeat raceing with panic. For the last 2 days you had laid low makeing sure that the telepathic dampeners Dr Mortun had made for you were active at al times. Tinny little earbudds. Humming in your ears like a reactor.

Since you never told her the truth you had to convince her that your suposed boss was going a bit cucumber, as of late and that you needed to be safe. Something not so far from the truth. It's suprised you how easy it was to convince the good doctor of your lie. By now she was enamoured with Yasmin enough to keep her safe.

For you though , it was al play pretend. A senseless manipulation. You wonder what she would think if she found out whos is truly behind those brown eyes and that fake smile you constantly give her? A sea of thoughts you would rather not dwell on.

Strangely Heartbreak had not atacked you duering this time. No mental creek nor any other sound could you hear and feel. You know it has nothing to do with the dampeners. They are no way near as powerful as Steels, and even those buckled under her pressure al those years ago. No. She was up to something. But what it is, you cannot figure out. Just as you could not stop her. She had reminded you of how week you truly are. The mirrored armor, the enhanced strength, the telepathicly enhanced nanoverse. Al of it was the shell of an egg, protecting what's inside.

You.

And now the egg had cracked. Revealing what's inside. Just another puppet designed to infiltrate, designed to be controlled. An object ment to obay. Not a real person. Are you a real person?

Someone who is strong enough to break free of their bond and stand on their own? That's what you promised yourself when you started al of this. That you would stop rummimg. That you would stand your ground this time. Be the one holding the strings. It dosent seem to work.

She had shown that by takeing your face, your powers and probably your armor as well. Being someone who constantly is on the move, you had hidden it underneath the basement of an old comic book store. Getting the owner to not pass by the basment was the easy part. Getting inside the store was much harder. The store had one way in and out. You had to make sure no straing thoughts were nearby. Not to mention the increase in LDPD activity , looking for you. People knowing where you hide would be a detrimental blow to your goal. But maybe not so detrimental as what you are about to do now.

You knew sooner or later that the Rangers would find out who's behind your mirrored mask. This, you being attacked and having to reveal yourself was not the way you'd imagined it . What choice did you have? Your telepathy was depleeted . You could not return to your body. It was as if you were always crashing into a wall of bricks each time you tried. A mental block you didn't know could eexist. Telling them was the only way. Maybe you could blame everything on Yasmin. Make her the villian.

Deep down you know that would not work. Steel would lock you up faster than you can say "sorry ". He might still That's why you have to tread carefully . If your going to reveal yourself to anybody it would have to be Ortega. Not just because she might be the last person in a long line that would bring their judgment upon you. But also because of what both of you share. Her emotions could be a shield you could use against the others. No. Not just them, her as well .

You could try to talk to Herald as well. But in truth you could not care one witt about that kid. Sure you'd helped him by training him. But it was just for the sake of using him later on. You still haven't figured out that part. But keeping you're enemies close was important. As for Lady Argent, she was a no go zone.

As you walk inside the gym you can already see Ortega in her workout outfit. Already hitting the dummies. Once she notices you, she stops and turns your way with a smile.

"Hey there. Here for your rematch?"

"Not today. I'm just here to.... talk"

Her smiling face exchanges to one of a friendly concern.

" Oh. I see. You look a bit on edge. Is everything ok?"

For a brief moment you want to tell her everything in a split second.

" Wait! I know what this is!" She says.

Her smile is once again back on her face.

" your faking it! Trying to avoid our rematch."

"What? No this is not about that. And you know I would never skip a rematch.".

It's true. Yasmin was the kind of puppet you could use for dangerous and bold situations. Not that you yourself would say no to fighting Ortega. You had done it once already. Sometimes the lines between you and Yasmin tend to blend over each other. You walk over to one of the old half torn exercise benches opposite the entrance. Sitting down, hands clasping your face. Ortega sits down next to you.

" So it's that serious huh?"

Her voice had lost some of the energy it had earlier.

I thought my edgyness made it clear."

" Sorry. Had to make sure you weren't pulling something on me."

"Who does that anymore?"

The words had slipped out of your mouth before you could think.

" you know what, just forget it. I'm just havinga bad day." You say before she has time to respond to your earlier comment.

"So tell me about it"

" Well, i"

" There you are Ortega. I can see why you chose this place as your getaway"

" David!"

Ortega rises from he spot to great the person speaking behind you. You on the other hand freeze on the spot.

Heartbreak.

What was she doing here. Had she followed you? Of course she could have followed you. You were just too telepathicly blind, to notice it. You turn around and see Ortega give your true self a kiss. It was strange seeing her affection from this far. Too physical. Too awkward.

When your real body returns the affection though, the feelings you have turn to bitter rage. You had kissed Ortega before but it was always cautionary. Even when both of you were in the heat of the moment.

This thing that was inside your body made it look like an average couple sharing a normal everyday kind of affection. Al of it fake. But Ortega coudnt see trhough that. You want to run forward and hit yourself again and again. Anything to get that thing out of your shell. You know you cant. You're not strong enough.

Heartbreak throws you a knowing smile.

You turn around. Hands balling into fists. Trying to collect yourself .

" How did you find this place?" Ortega asks. They start walking towards you.

" Through Steel of course darling. He has a tab on every one of you as you know."

"Darling? That's new. You never used to call me that."

" I dont?"

For a moment you can feel a heavy pressure pressing against your shields. The taste and feeling of death and sickness kreeping trhough your thoughts. She wants to know how you behave around Ortega.

But you are not gonna give that information to her. She might know you well enough but there is still parts of your mind she didn't have time to access before you escaped. The sheilds are holding. Dr Mortun had done a good job as always.

Maybe you could still Winn this. Stop her before she became too strong to hide from.

Unlikely.

Finally the pressure disappears. You turn around to face them again. This time a little more confident.

" Well the shrink told me to live it up a little. Today."

"Be positive! She said. So I thought I'd be more positive by calling you it. Of course if you don't like it.."

"No! It's ok. I like it. I'm glad that your getting the help you need. But David the shrink has a name. I know you don't like her that much but at least call her by her real name."

" Her name? I don't even remember it"

"Oh! David. Now your just being rude."

This was getting a bit funn. Seeing yourself. No. Her, getting frustrated for a change. Of course you remember her name. And you never got the impression that going trough a psychiatric conversation could help you out. In fact it had only shown the frigid, broken person you are.

" What does it matter what they are called. Brandy or Brockly. It dosent matter. I don't go there to know their names. Just their help. And anyway who's that?"

Heartbreak points a straight finger towards you. Almost in a acuseing manner. As if you were to blame for her lack of knowledge. Ortega sighs, shoulders rising and lowering.

" Fine. We'll talk about your ill manners towards psychiatrists later. This is a friend of mine."

"Yasmin meet David. David, Yasmin."

David stretches out his hands towards you.

" Hi! I'm David Bastri. Ortegas real boyfriend. Not that she has anyone else who cares about her." He says with an exaggerated grinn.

Before you have the urge to hit your own body again you grab his hand. Your hand.

"Yasmin." You say shortly.

" Nice to meet you Yasmin. You look a bit timid in there." He points towards your head. " Are you ok?"

Ortega gives him a glare.

" Never mind. I already know." He keeps smiling at you.

" you wish you knew!" You think to yourself.

"I'm sure you do." You say instead. Giving him a glare as well.

" Sorry Yasmin. David seems a bit over excited today"

Ortega jabs him with a finger.

" Just because you have a certain skill dosent meen you can use it whenever and however you like, on it."

While Yasmin was suposed to know who Sidestep was. She didn't know his "certain skill" as Ortega had put it. And that's the way you'd wanted things to be. Or at least the way Ortega wanted it to be, each time the name came up.

" She dosent know? I mean of course she dosent darling. But I thought she was your friend."

" She is. But these things take time to trust someone with. And besides you'd never allow me to tell anyone else that dosent know!"

" Oh right. Hero secrecy. My bad."

Ortega crosses her arms as she looks at David. The pressure against your sheilds have returned again. Stronger, more forcefull this time. It seems like Heartbreak didn't manage to steal al your thoughts. Maybe the things she knows about you are segments of your life. Not the whole picture. That must be why she coudnt find you for the last 2 days. Does that meen youre armor is safe?

Its a good thing you managed to escape before she took al your memories.

Just as you need to escape now. Your sheilds won't be able to hold for much longer. The buzzing in your ears has already increased due to the pressure.

" David. I think you have mixed positive and weird attitudes together. You are being more weird than positive today."

" Look!" You say before Heartbreak has time to awnser.

" Im having a bad day. So how about I leave you two alone. I'll see you tomorrow Ortega. We'll talk then."

" NO! STAY!" Heartbreak shouts as you are walking towards the exit. You feel a hand grab you and turn you around. You look straight into your own blue eyes. A dangerous glint. gloaming over them as Heartbreak drags you backwards a bit.

" Hey David what are you doing? Just let her go. "

Ortega steps over to you're left side.

" Meirda! I'm sorry Yasmin. I wasn't expecting David to show up and act this weird today."

"Nothing wrong with being weird.Darling"

" Ugh. Seriously David! What's wrong with you today? Cut the act!" This time she brings a fist to his right arm.

"Alright alright. Darling I'll apologize. I do not lack manners."

Ortega is about to hit him again but he steps to the side.

" Yasmin right. I think we started on the wrong foot . I have as you might have guessed a certain gift that allows me to judge people before I say hi to them. Great gift. But it tends to be difficult to controll sometimes. It's like trying to catch a certain lost and frightened little sheep running around , or puppy as I would describe it." He gives you a smile as he turns to Ortega. "Happy now?"

Ortega sighs and shakes her head. Heartbreak turns to you again.

" How about you and I get to know each other a bit more ,hmm?"

She looks at Ortega again as she pulls out a few bills.

" Ortega . Sweetheart! Why don't you give us al some sugar. While the others are on their way There is a store a few blocks away. I think it's name was CANDY AND CREAMS. Lovely place. Sells the most excellent sweets and snacks."

" Oh it's sweetheart now? That's something you definitely don't call me."

" David are you sure you aren't takeing this whole positive thing a bit too far? And did you just say you invited the rest of the Rangers to come here?"

" We have things to discuss. Hero stuff. And remember I'm being positive today. That's what the doctor, whatever her name was said to me. Being a hero. Saving the day has been quite anxious as of late. A change of pace never hurts. Now please just go to the store and by us some snacks . Will you. I'm trying to be nice to our friend here."

As she talks, Heartbreak grabs Ortega and starts dragging her towards the exit.

" David you're retired . Unless you have been saving people in secret."

" Yes. That too. Now please I'm begging you, just go to that store and buy us something. You can't miss it. Big red sign and everything else that screams sugar! Please just go."

Heartbreak gives Ortega a pleading look. One she can't resist. Stupid woman was always to friendly with anyone with a sad face. It would get her killed one day.

" Oh! Fine. Just be nice towards Yasmin while I'm gone. And stop being weird. "

" Don't worry cupcake. I think me and Yasmin will get along just fine."

He gives her a kiss. A kiss that anoys you to the core.

" Cupcake." Ortega mutters. The exit door closeing behind her.

Heartbreak turns around. Her face is no longer smiling. The wrinkles on her face being visible. Was this how you normally looked. You hate mirrors. Too many bad memories.

For the longest time there was a heavy silence betweem the two of you. Before it became too uncomfortable for you.

" You know what your problem is?. You talk too much and you're bad at pretending. So how about you give my body back and I'll show you how it's done"

" My social skills aren't the best. I do admit that. But then again I'm not the one hiding behind long sleeves and false illusions. Just so I can be called normal. Quite dangerous.if you ask me pup."

" I'm going to get back my body. No matter what happens. And I'm going to end you. Properly this time."

She starts laughing at you.

" David. Poor helpless David. How would you live without me? The nightmares I provide. They made you stronger. Sett you free. Taught you how to hold the strings. Taught you how to use your powers in new ways. Previously thought impossible. And this is how you thank me. Now I'm really hurt pup."

Her laughing has been replaced by a coy smile.

"How can you kill me when I'm you? It would be suicide. But I dare you pup. Go ahead and see what happens."

"Those nightmares ruined my life. I had a good life before you came along. You made me insane. Every night I have to go through what I lost. What you took from me. Getting rid of you will be a blessing."

"But it won't change the truth. Will it pup. Your life was already a mess the day you were created. You just didn't realize it until I came along and opened your eyes "

" What do you want?! If you wanted to kill me here is your chance to overload my sheilds and do it. After witch you'd have to explain yourself to Ortega."

Seeing this thing spilling the truth was something you didn't need right now. She was a mirror showing you your true colors. No wonder you're armors helmet had one. A way of showing the world the truth. A way of showing people their true nature. And here you were. Getting a taste of your own medicine. You want to throw up.

Was she right? Was your life forfeit the moment they made you. Had gaining your freedom and getting atached to people been part of your programming al along? You have thought about it a million times.

It dosent matter. Maybe your life was forfeit. But what you did in the present was al your own choices. Perhaps you could gain true freedom by getting rid of her. You could finally sleep in peace. Eather way your sheilds are almost out now. You need to get your body back. But how?

" I want the same thing you want. Only on a scale that matters. You should join me pup. We're practicality the same. A family. If you want to count that other fellow. What was his name? Hollow Ground. He was the first of our kind. And still he wasn't hard to capture. Old age or me being superior. I can't tell wich. "

You had met Hollow Ground before. Duering you're heist for Dr Mortun. You had barely escaped from his telepathic onslaught. Only the grace of the Rat King and his hive had allowed you to be able to escape him.

Him being there at the auction was something you weren't prepared for. Just as you weren't prepared to find out what he was. An older version of yourself. With the same blue eyes and straight wavy light brown hair. His henchmen were looking for you ever since. And it seems like he has people inside the LDPD. Hense their increased activity towards you.

"What's Hollow Ground to do with you?"

" Oh he's nothing special pup. I got that seat reserved for you. Hollow Ground is just a minor hindrance . A kingpin of the human underground and a telepath to boot, could be a problem. Unless you are as fabilous as me. Then the problem is already solved. "

" Whatever your plan is, you can count me out. I'm not joining you. I'm going to get my body back one way or the other. And then your gone. Forever."

"So much hate. And I haven't even shown you what my plan is."

"Don't care."

"Even if it involves your little meryband of friends and that girl you are so found of. Lovely girl. I wouldn't want anything bad happening to her. Isn't that right David puppy. But then again I could be wrong. I hear You are one of the bad once these days."

"The store. It's not really a store is it? What did you do to Ortega?"

Should you even care. You were suposed to be the villian. Not the hero. That was a long time ago. Didn't you bery that past at the museum. It was meant to move you forward. To cut you from the last straw that was tying you down. Sidestep was dead and that's how it should be. And Ortega. How many times did you not think of hurting her. You had already done it once. Bleeding on the ground.

One arm dislocated. You know you will do it again in the future. Not just to her but the rest of the Rangers. Maybe takeing it as far as killing them. So why did you care? Why was your thoughts raceing with panic and your heartbeat fuming with rage as your shields died out.

" I can feel your thoughts now pup. You really do care about her don't you. About al of them. Deep down in that cold heart of yours. Isn't that sweet and pathetic."

She starts laughing.

"Now it's going to be much more funn than I thought it would be! ".

It was al she needed to say for you to rush forward. You have had enough of this thing. She had taken your body. Your powers. And now she was going after your friends. You didn't care that it was wrong of you to care about them. You just wanted to kill this thing. Make her suffer. Stop her before she ruined your life again.

Before you take a step however you feel an. immense pain hitt your head. You try to ignore it. As you walk towards her. But the pain makes you colapse to the floor You try to exit your puppets body. You find yourself unable to.

"BAD PUPPY! Did you think you had a chance against me? Me the fabilous who gave you soo much. "

You can barley breath. The air exiting out of your lungs. The feeling of having a thousand needles injected into your body. A thousand cuts of pain coursing trough you.

"You really are a sucker for punishment. Aren't you David. Just look at you!"

She gives you a hard kick to you stomach. It almost makes you go unconscious.

" This my dear is what you get for being close to those humans . And here I thought you might be different. But you are as week and as emotional as they are. They create you. Make you do their dirty little jobs. And at the end treat you like trash. How do you repay them once you are free pup. Did you do what I was trying to do all those years ago. Do you kill them? Make them suffer as you have.? No!"

She gives you another kick. Much harder this time. You roll over. Hands unable to grasp the painful spots in your puppets body.

" No you really dont. So what do you do instead, welp? You mingle with them. Develop false feelings for them in the hopes that they might just call you sane, normal, human. How disgusting!"

You are almost about to lose consciousnes when the pain subsides enough for you to breathe long heavy breaths. You feel a numbness across Yasmins body. Now your body.

Suddenly you hear the front door open. You turn over again. Could this be the other Rangers Heartbreak spoke of? Your hopes die quickly as you see a beef man enter trough the door. The man looks at you and then at Heartbreak. His face going from calm to one of fear.

" B...Bos. it's taken care of. Charge has been put down. Gave us quite the f... fight . But the insulator worked. She had no armor."

"Good. "

"See David, this is how a puppy should behave. Al of this could have been avoided if you just played along. If you just joined me. But since you won't we might as well start the show. I'm going to give you one last nightmare pup. Real this time. See it as a gift for al the truble you gave me al those years ago."

" F..Forgive me Bos but isn't sh..she a woman. Why do you call her David?"

"Silence idiot! I've had enoughof this thing. Pick him up. And don't ask questions unless you want to end up like your friend."

"Y...Yes boss."

The man scoops you up like you didn't weight anything. Like you were a ragdoll. Maybe that's what you are now. A ragdoll inside another ragdoll.

"O..rte..ga". You try to mutter as the man walks you towards the exit. Heartbreak walking besides him.

" Sweet girl isn't she? Too bad she won't save you. No one will pup. You are al alone, abandoned . Just like in your other nightmares. Only this time, it's real, handsome . But don't panic now. We are still far from the main course ."

As you are taken outside you can hear the buzzing of people walking past your carrier. The sound of music. The taste and smell of hot sausage. The fresh air of the afternoon. Everywhere people are walking past you. Yet you cant hear their thoughts. Every face that you see has nothing to share. No hidden secrets. No emotions of joy, jealousy, love, hate, fear. You are deaf to all of them.

Once you look at an old man carrying a kane.

"You are a failure!" He suddenly shout. Pointing a finger at you. You look away. Only to be faced with an old business looking woman.

" you're the worst villian ever!"

" You suck!" Two teenagers shout simultaneously besides the woman

" No one can save you man!" You hear a croud of people say in front of you.

" Stop it!

You try to wiggle your way out of your captor. He holds you tighter.

" What's the matter puppy. Can't handle the truth? You wanted to show these people the truth. Its only fair they get to do the same. Before they die."

A little girl with styled up red hair is now standing in front of you.

" Legion. What kind of stupid name is that!"

It was your new identity. acquainted with your new self. A name people would remember. A name people who saw the truth could share. A name to be feared. Yet the girl in front you looked at you with spite, rather than fear.

No it was just this thing doing al of this. Maybe the girl in reality was afraid of you. You can't tell since you have no telepathy to aid you.

" Better runn little girl."

Heartbreak snaps her fingers. The girl screams and starts running to your right. Far away from al of you. For a moment you wish you were that girl. You had promised yourself you'd never runn away. But in this case you just wanted to be far away from this thing.

She had grown significantly more powerful since you last faced her. 8 years ago. Controlling this crowd with ease. A much more powerful Re Gene than you. And it had al been thanks to you. You wish you had known your nightmares to be more than what meets the eye.

" And now the funn begins!"

Heartbreak spreads her arms as if expecting a hug. It dosent come. What does however makes you stomach squirm. It was like being back at the incident. Around you people starts to scream. People start holding their heads. Some people are touching their throats as if something is wrong with it. Gunshots appear towards your left. A man holding a knife is walking towards another man.

"You cheated on me you bastard!" He shouts.

" You never loved me in the first place!" The other man shouts back. He picks up a broken branch from a nearby tree. You know what is about to happen. You try to look away but you can't. Your head is frozen on the spot.

" You will watch this pup. See how week these humans are. Al you need to create a riot is to ignite the smallest sparks of hatred. Fabilous isn't it. And these are the kind of people you want to be part of?"

The two men clash. The one holding the knife being superior. He tackles the other man to the ground. Stabbing him with the knife multiple times. It would seem this man was a worse villian than you. At the museum you tried to keep people safe. They were just victims.

n general you had avoided killing people this far.

More people start to atack each other on the streat.

What made this ordeal worse for you though was that she used your body, your face as the person responsible for this mayhem. How would you feel if you ever got your body back. Would you have to hide in your armor from now on?

"Now we must move on. Onwards Carl."

The man named Carl keeps a firm hold on you as he walks forward. Everywhere you go, people start to scream. Mass panic ensues.

For someone with great power Heartbreak wasn't the most cautionary with it. Sooner or later the LDPD would show up. Maybe even the Special Directive. This could be your chance to escape.

" Don't get your hopes up dear. And speaking of these so called policmen." She turns around as two cars with sirens are coming behind you.

" They are nothing! "

You hear a loud crash and try to look behind you. The two cars crashing into each other.

A group of three LDPD officers. Step out of each car. A woman steps forward.

" LDPD Stop! Put your hands behind your head."

" Why do they always say that. "

She looks at them with a laugher.

"Carl. Are we at the destination yet?"

"Y...Yes b..boss. Just underneath this tunnel."

"Good. Take our friend down the hatch."

Carl drops you to the ground. As he opens a hatch nearby. Your urge to escape is quenched by the share will of Heartbreak. Pinning you to the ground. Across the road you can hear the screech and pain of the officers. The sound of gunshots as loud as fireworks.

Carl picks you up on your feet.

" Move!" He points towards the hatch

Seeing no other way out. You climb down the hatch and down into the familiar sewers of Los Diablos. Many months ago you had walked these sewers in victory. And now in defeat.

" Nothing is truly random." That's what you once said to Dr Mortun. She didn't belive you then. What would she say now. After a long walk you finally come to a halt. The stench almost unbearable. Above you there is another hatch connecting to a lather.

"Ugh. Finally. Here we are. Can't take this disgusting place any longer. Carl be a good puppy and open that hatch"

Heartbreak pushes you forward once Carl climbs up the lather. A bright light coming from above.

It turns out to be a flashlight from another much smaller man.

You find yourself in a basment. A long Stair leading up to a grey door. Torn boxes are lying in a corner. While empty cans of bear and cigarettes lay everywhere else.

" Helo Gorge. Everything well with Argent? She hasn't escaped has she?"

"No boss. The shields and the cage are holding. Sorry boss. But it's getting harder to maintain her. She has already broken a good chunk of the cage."

" Ugh. Human incompetence. Carl be a good dear and ...kill him."

Carl pulls out a gun from his pocet. Hands shakeing as he Hesitates.

" But boss I..i did everything you asked."

" I ask for perfection and you give me incompetence. Shoot him Carl!"

"S..Sorry man." He says as he pulls the trigger.

" Now you David. Take that flashlight so we can move on."

" You might have blocked my powers but don't for a second belive I'm your puppet. Let him pick it up."

" Poor David. Must we do this again?"

" If it anoys you. Then yes"

" No matter. You are about to die anyway. Cant leave a dying man's wish on the table. Right? Carl pick that up."

She pushes you towards the stairs. Outside the basment you find yourself in what looks like a hospital floor. White walls surrounding you, no windows to be seen. The Walls having cuts everywhere. Two thugs are guarding each side of the hallway.

" Is this where they made you." You remember the hospital in your dreams. Always at the end. Always painful to relive.

" Underground lab. It's abandoned now. They have many others elsewhere. I'll be sure to take a visit once I'm done with you."

" I could have helped you. Things didn't have to go this way. Your not the only victim."

" Don't think we have anything in common puppy. I'm the only fabilous victim that dosent mix with these weeklings."

" I'm not asking for a second chance. I get my powers back and you are as good as dead."

" Not that you will."

" We'll see about that."

"Yes we will!" She pushes you forward. " This way pup. Oh and enjoy the scenery while you're still breathing."

You walk past rooms plastered with numbers. Past what looks to be a small reception. Broken glass splattered across the half broken table. What had caused this? Lady Argent.

" She has quite the spirit. Unlike you puppy. The first real challenge I've ever faced. Though once you get past the shell. She's as vulnerable as the rest of the humans. Maintaining her has been a nuisance."

"How did you capture all of them. Besides Ortega?"

" It dosent matter. We are here." She pushes you towards a silver grey door. Room 94b Special Treatment.

" Al made for you this day. Open the door."

You step in to a verry large and verry familiar room. This was the room from your dreams. But it looked differently. Instead of the usual setting you were used to seeing. It now had a TV monitor on on of the walls. A reporter standing behind a crowd of frightened people.

Thugs are standing in different corners. But what draws your attention is the 5 psyprojectors seated across the room. In a circle. Big chairlike machines with tubes and cables that connected them togetheer.

An interrogation device. Designed to gather neurological data from a host trhough VR simulation . The main Chair slightly separate from the others, was one of the projectors allowing the interrogator to controll and navigate the hosts memory. Several hosts could share memories with each other and the interrogator. On 3 of the psyprojectors sat Ortega, Steel and Herald . Blue circular rings with yellow and red light bulbs atached to their heads.

"Carl! Check up on our lady and make sure she dosent escape."

" What have you done to them?" They seamed unconscious.

" You know what this is pup. It's time to Step out of the shaddows. Let your friends know your true face. It's the least you can do before you all diie."

"No. Im.n..n..not" You feel the familiar pressure coming towards you again.

"Less talk, more action handsome. I'm on the clock. And it's not like you have a choice."

Her will over matching yours, you loose control over your limbs as you are forcefully driven towards one of the machines. You knew you'd have to reveal yourself to al of them sooner or later. Telling Ortega the truth was already hard enough. This was too much. You were unprepared, unsure. But worst of all , you were afraid. Afraid of seeing the truth in their eyes. That they ment nothing to you. That they were just puppets ment to be used for a cause . Your cause.

It was a hard pill to swallow.

And your scars. The scars that defines who you are. You hid them well under long sleeves and two layers of shirts. Yet there they are. Al you needed to do was dig a bit deeper and the truth would show up. As its about to do now.

It was weird having lost control of al your limbs. The parts of your brain that controled them was sealed of. As if you had never learned how to walk. How to use your hands. Your feets. Your body automatically sits down on one of the chairs. Hands crossed. Backside relaxing into the seat. Heartbreak lowers down the blue ring above you.

"Sweet dreams puppy."

As the object reaches your head you feel an instant pull upwards. Upwards where? And where is here? Colors everywhere. Too many of them to describe. It was confusing. Then you feel as if you had jumped from the highest peek of a mountain. Spiraling down.

Down into the cold blue waters of a pool.

#fallen hero: rebirth #fanfic #mc #heartbreak

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glamrus-puta · 6 years

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Help I Start School Tomorrow: A Check List

Do you need some sweet ass advice from somebody who’s spent no less than 18 years struggling through the muck of academia? Of course you do! Here’s a handy-ass dandy-ass guide to wtf should be going on in your pre-school prep!

Let’s get started~

1) What should I do with my day before I go back to the hell hole that is school?

I’m glad you asked! Do things that make the start of the semester feel like a fun and luxurious adventure awaits you! Especially for college and university people, the start of the semester loses pizzazz with age (and time).

Hype yourself up with some simple self care, these things don’t have to be expensive or cost anything at all if you can utilize what’s lying around in your kitchen, bathroom, neighbour’s house or wherever.

Wash your damn hair! Shower and take all the time you need, shave if you want to while you’re in there. The goal is to feel fresh and a lil less greasy the next morning.

Are you a lazy ass that doesn’t have time to moisturize? Me too! Get some Nivea in-shower lotion if you can, and before you towel dry douse yourself with baby oil gel (or literally just some olive oil or coconut oil- whatever you got lying around). Show yourself some love!!

Now is a great time to style your hair for tomorrow and protect it with a low pony or a night cap, btw

Do a face mask! Do a hair mask! Do a foot mask! Do whatever tf kind of mask you got handy! Use foods from your kitchen, or try Freeman masks they’re around 4$ each. Dollar store prices, department store quality.

Take an hour to fix your nails, toe nails, wax the stache or do any body maintenance you usually do. Pretend you’re going to a sick ass party and you’re grooming your meat vessel to perfection.

Lay out your sick outfit for tomorrow- pro tip: you want to be comfy and functional on buses/trains/on foot or however you commute. Think hard about the kind of weather you’ll be up against, and the general state of the terrain on your commute. Put your outfit on a hanger so it’s ready for tomorrow, even if you can’t do this every night during the school year it’ll get you in the right mental state to have your first day

Prep your meds! A big part of feeling good is taking our medications on time to reap their maximum benefits. Put them out on your kitchen counter if you think you’ll forget, go through your medicine cabinet: is there anything you need to remember to take with you to have during the day? Set alarms on your phone if (like me) you’ve got pills to take at different times of day- label them something that you’ll understand. (I use the names of the doctors that prescribed them so I know which pills are physical health and which are mental health).

Pack your lunch for tomorrow. Fruits and veggies bitch none of this “I’ll buy it when I get there” nonesense. Remember to stay hydrated! Bring some kind of receptacle to hold water/tea/coffee whatever. This is a solid habit to have year round, but remember the first couple school days can frazzle you pretty good and it’s good to have snacks on hand.

CLEAN YOUR GODDAMN ROOM. You’re gonna be shooketh in a bad way if you wake up on the first day of classes with a messy bathroom and shit strewn all over your sleeping space. Take all the time you need to put things lovingly away, if you’re feeling ambitious update your calendar and spray a little room spray or light a scented candle. Ooh la la

Do something fun. Do something distracting. Go out with a friend, read a book, take a couple hours of ‘me time’. You’ll be ready to die for it during the semester.

Feeling nervous? Call literally anybody you can stand to talk to for more than five minutes. Talk about dogs, talk about boats, ask them to guess how many jelly beans you’re holding right this second (sike b the answer is 0)- take a couple steps away from the whole school thing.

2) What the hell do I put in my backpack??

So this is where I fly into an unGodly rage. I’m so tired of seeing Instagram posts telling people their make up, perfume and breath mints are the most important of their school arsenal. What’s gonna save you when you bleed through your pants at school cause Aunt Flo decides to come chill on campus? Your perfume? Unlikely.

Here’s the real tea on what you should have in your bag, based on years of oopses, dire situations, and general mishap management.

A pencil case. Preferably full of writing implements. I can’t believe I have to tell people this but like......I do.....y’all childish

MEDICAL BAG: A small pouch is all you need! Tuck this away in your bag’s inside pocket, or in your purse, it could save not only your life but somebody else’s too. Get your prescriptions you need throughout the day like inhalers, anti anxiety meds, lactose intolerance pills, Imodium, symethicone etc.

Pack some ginger gravol (or regular drowsy gravol) for motion sickness or for when the flu season hits

Benadryl pills (and your epipen if you have one!) this is one of those things you should always have lying around at home and in your car

Alcohol swabs and band aids of your choice. Most pharmacies will sell 100 swabs for around 3$, look in dollar stores for discreet 1st aids packs and band aids. Stash them in your little pouch, it might not be you who falls down a flight of stairs and needs to bandage up their elbow- but at least you can help. (Based on a true story!!!!)

Panty liners/ tampons/ pads- this is another one of those things that others may benefit from

Get yourself a mini deodorant (3$ at Walmart) and wrap your hair ties around it. Double trouble, double storage capacity!

Tylenol/Advil, hunt around for little plastic pill holders like Pill Pals, they’re not usually more than 2 or 3 bucks and they hold A TON of pills

Vagina Bonus Round: do you take birth control? Have a tube of Canesten/Monistat/Vagisil or whatever for when the yeast season is upon us

Remember to carry your hospital card and/or medical insurance card on you at all times

Pharmacies will give face wipes individually wrapped for free. Usually brands like Cetaphil will dump them off as testers for customers- ask your local pharmacy cashier for stuff like mini hand creams, spf lip balms and face wipes. We’re happy to give them to you and you’ll get some real use out of them!

ASS WIPES. GET SOME. You can wipe down your bag with them, wipe down tables with them, flush them, and do all kinds of damage control. Trust.

Emergency money- the medical bag is a great place to hide emergency money (think bus fare, or 5$ for emergency food) because people are unlikely to rob what looks like a 1st aid kit

3. Friends come and go but portable chargers are forever- you can find cheap key chain ones at dollar stores. If you’re going to spring for one that lasts a few days on one charge I suggest the OKZU from Amazon. It’s HELLA SLIM and I can hold a charge for about 3 days before it reaches even 75% battery capacity. (It’s also the most budget friendly I’ve found to date about 14$ after shipping).

4. Remember make up, gum, little travel items and perfume can have a place in your bag but I would suggest transferring as much as you can into smaller and smaller containers. A whole bottle of perfume is a lot to carry around, imagine a water bottle bouncing around your bag- that’s the kind of space you’re using up. Be mindful of just how many books/ copy books/ textbooks you’ll be toting around and if it gets to be too much- get an actual tote!

5. A little clip on hand sanitizer never hurt anybody...also Kleenex I promise you’ll use it. (And if you don’t I’ll be there to borrow it lmao) ALLERGY SEASON BONUS ROUND: a small bottle of off brand artificial tears are great to stow in your glasses case for all those shitty October mornings where your eyes refuse to act like eyes and not the Sahara Desert 🐫 off brand artificial tears run for between 2-4$ at most Walmarts!

3) I’ve used my last 24 hours to get my shit together- but I have a horrible impending sense of doom! What should I do?

Ah anozzer day in bikini bottom, which means another day of crippling anxiety for 25% of adult Canadian students! (Wow that’s a lot of students!) Boy do I know how tough it is to be thrown back into the pressure cooker of life that we call school. Here are some tips from me to you that I hope help a little bit:

I believe in you! It’s not a tip, but I want you to know that I do. If you’re feeling unsure/ silly/ out of your element/ etc think about me wandering around just as confused as you are! And have a good laugh at my expense! Shoot me a DM, scroll around my nonesense blog- wow check me out I’m a real living person and I made this post for you- because why? I care about your well being! Sometimes it just helps to know that there’s somebody out there thinking about you and wishing for your safe return home at the end of the day~ for the start of your semester I’ll be that person. *smooch*

Arrive early! My therapist once told me that rolling out of bed five minutes before I have to be somewhere limits my chances of having a calm and meaningful experience where I’m going. I hate to admit it but she makes a good point. Wake up early and do something nice for you: have breakfast, just sit on your balcony and breathe some fresh air, pet your cat and gaze upon their stupid face. Take the time.

Arrive early BONUS TIP: get to where you’re going an hour early and just wander! Window shop, roam the building, learn where the fire exit is, sit outside on a bench and watch the students come in and out. The longer you chill at school the homier it’ll feel, and the more you feel at home somewhere the more you feel at ease. Strike up random convos with strangers if you’re feeling brave, or text an understanding friend to meet you there and roam alongside you.

Plan your day! Get an agenda if it’s in your means, or just scribble on some scrap paper. Make your grocery list, write your tasks of the day, your goals of the day, or even just a positive affirmation. Sometimes even when I know exactly what I’m doing that day, or have something trivial to do (like laundry) I’ll write down “do laundry” to feel like I have a clear path to follow.

Embrace your local accessibility Center and school councellor. Don’t live in fear of the resources your school provides. It seems scary/embarrassing/weird to have to have special accommodations to deal with your anxiety or depression but GIRL once you’re all set with the appropriate tools there’s truely nothing that can stop you. This was my experience anyway, but I strongly urge everybody I meet to take advantage of school services and wring them for all they’ve got. They’re there for you boo!

HOT TIP: feeling dizzy and overwhelmed on the bus? Look at the wall or something that isn’t moving. DONT LOOK OUT THE WINDOWS AS THIS MAKES DIZZINESS WORSE. Breathe in 2 beats and out 3 beats- this cuts your fight or flight. If you’re going to drink take small sips out of a straw or without moving your head. My GP gave me this advice and it’s saved my whole ass quite a few times.

Download free apps that are anti anxiety in the form of fun games. I’ve had positive results with Viridii (where you grow a little succulent garden) Tap Tap Fish (basically you’re a sentient coral that decorates the sea floor) and Polytap (you basically count the vertices of spinning polygons). A cursory google search will reveal more fun games for emergency anxiety relief! I also like to go on YouTube and search for positive affirmation anxiety videos, or storm/white noise/ ocean anti anxiety sounds the night before to get me in the right headspace to sleep!

So this has been your lightning round/ crash course for what to do the 24 hours before school! I hope you feel a little more prepared to take on the start of the semester!

A dios hoes!!

#selfhelp #help #tips #backtoschool #school #college #university #studentlife #student #lucifearo #me #mypost

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allenmendezsr · 5 years

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Instant Confidence With Women

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/instant-confidence-with-women/

Instant Confidence With Women

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And you can too:WITHOUT using any sleazy “pickup” techniques…WITHOUT wearing ridiculous clothes…WITHOUT having to fake a “bad boy” attitude….And even if you’ve never dated anything but “average women” before in your life…

In a moment, I’m going to tell you a shocking story about how a piece of sushi changed my life forever…

I’m also going to flat out GIVE YOU THE KEY to the #1 factor in attracting beautiful women – regardless of your age, height, looks, wealth, or anything else.

What you’ll find shocking is that you likely already know about it, the problem is that nobody has ever shown you how to get it. But that’s all about to change…

Let me explain…

After I divorced my wife, you can imagine how I felt. I lost my family. I was broke. I was feeling rotten about myself. I couldn’t imagine any woman would EVER want to date me. I felt like if someone introduced a woman to me, the first words out of my mouth would be:

“Hi, I’m Adam. I’m a failure. Want to go out?”

I was seriously lacking that one thing that women say they want – confidence.

Everything I had ever read or watched about women said that confidence was the number one quality that turned women on. I knew to the core of my depressed soul that in order to attract women, I needed to show it and I needed to show it fast.

But the truth is, I didn’t FEEL confident. In fact, I felt the exact opposite! I doubted myself deeply and didn’t feel worthy to be with an amazing woman.

What made things worse was that everything I had ever read about attracting women told me I had to be a different person – wear crazy clothes – put women down – put on a mask and be someone that I not only WASN’T, but did not want to be. (Plus, my sons would totally make fun of me if I tried any of that silly, embarrassing posturing.)

What I secretly hoped was that I’d get lucky… meet my dream woman… and then she’d just like me so much that my lack of confidence wouldn’t matter.

Unfortunately for me, that only happens in Hollywood movies.

And I was given a hard dose of reality one day, as the perfect situation fell into my lap…

I had just come in from a job in Munich and I was in New York, feeling low, and alone. A friend recommended a place called Sushi Samba. It was packed.

There were no booths, so I pulled up a stool to the sushi bar.

Next to me, there was a slender young man, picking at his plate. I asked “What are you eating?” as I looked up at his face.

This was no young man.

This was the most beautiful girl…21, skin smooth and creamy as brie, her pixie like face framed in a short bob haircut…

Within a few short sentences – the most amazing coincidences arose…

Listen – I had just spent the last 3 weeks in Munich…I had studied philosophy in college, and I had been a tour guide in New York. This exquisite angelic beauty had been a philosophy major and said to me – in a sentence that I couldn’t have scripted…

“I am an Armani model. I just moved here from Munich last night and I don’t know anybody in this city.”

I know — a perfect Hollywood moment, right?

Well, it would have been if I knew what to do.

This is where the piece of sushi came in…

All I could do was stare at my plate – wondering what the hell to say next…

I mean, think about it…

Every guy in the world DREAMS of a moment like this where you are given instant connection, instant authority – an open door.

But my eyes were locked on my plate. It was as if the sushi was shouting back at me…

“SAY something! Do Something! ANYTHING!”

I didn’t have the words. I didn’t have the body language. I didn’t have the ability to make her feel intrigued, to trust me, or want me…In short…

I had ZERO Confidence, And It Showed…

Our conversation stumbled forward after this, strained and awkward.

This was the moment I had been waiting years for! To meet a beautiful, sweet, friendly…supermodel! And I had nothing.

My heart sunk as I watched her pay her tab and walk away, disappearing out of my life, forever. As I slumped home in the rain, alone, I made a vow…

This was NOT going to be my life. This was NOT going to be my destiny.

From that day forward, I made it a point to read everything important EVER written about male attraction with women. Meet every guru. Take every workshop.

And during this time, I made a strange discovery – NOBODY – not any dating, pickup, or relationship expert will EVER tell you.

It is…

I realized that I did NOT have to be 100% confident to inspire the interest of a beautiful woman. I just needed to know the triggers to make her FEEL that she was with a confident man.

That’s what was the single biggest “aha” I ever had with women. Because like me, the typical guy spends much of his life in a vicious cycle — waiting for a beautiful woman to like him so he can feel confident…but never being able to GET a beautiful woman because he lacks confidence.

But the triggers I discovered STOP that never-ending cycle…and give you a short-cut to at least seeming confident with women, so they want you and results follow.

Before I discovered these triggers, I was utterly hopeless with women. We’ve all seen the whipped married guy with no balls who does anything his wife says…that was me.

And I was still that guy! Women just looked right through me. They just saw me as a “friendly” guy…not the guy who would take them home and make wild passionate love to them all night. And it hurt.

In fact, it was devastating.

But since I discovered these “confidence triggers”, I’ve been able to naturally attract and date beautiful women.

Using these triggers, I’m never lost in conversation – and, rather than ever having to prove myself to women…

I’ve learned how to flip the power so that women “mysteriously” find they feel the need to prove themselves to me.

These triggers – a few of which I’m going to give you in a second – allow me to be relaxed, confident, and magnetic to women, even when I am not feeling that way inside.

That’s crucial, because if you currently don’t feel confident around women, THIS IS FOR YOU.

Because no matter how you feel right now, you’ll finally be able to appear confident– and therefore, attract any woman, anywhere – starting TODAY.

Listen closely – I’m going to share with you 3 triggers that you can use on ANY woman that add up to her saying…

“I want you.”

And you can use these triggers without having to change one thing about yourself – ESPECIALLY if you don’t feel 100% confident inside.

Even if you’ve had false limiting beliefs, like…

“I’m too short.” “I don’t make enough money.” “I’m too old.” “I’m too young” “I look funny.” “I’m not good looking enough.” “I have a boring job.” “Women won’t like me.” “I don’t want to get rejected.”

Or if you’ve been shy..

Or have crashed and burned too many times in the past…

Don’t worry.

I also used to be stopped by these confidence killers, but have left them in the dust – as have thousands of my students.

None of us – my students nor I – are quarterbacks, rock stars, or Seal Team 6 members…

We’re just regular guys who know the triggers to give women that warm, safe, curious turned-on feeling that they are with a man who is confident.

And now it’s your turn.

Here are 3 triggers to get you started…

1. The “Dominant Frame” Trigger.

Women know what you’re thinking subconsciously.

So the secret here is, before you even open your mouth, you must communicate the single most important message a man can give a woman…

I am choosy. And I choose you.

This is a frame that carries are two part message that establishes your authority, then opens the door for you to make her feel special in one second.

So when you see a woman, instead of saying, “Hi, my name is…”

Feel this inside as you introduce yourself:

“I don’t usually go out of my way to talk to women, most of them have nothing to say. But you seem to ‘get it.’ My name is…”

See the difference? It’s a subtle, yet powerful shift that women notice immediately.

Especially because it not only positions you as a man of choice, but also triggers her innate desire to prove herself to you. And she feels special that such a cool, confident, discerning man chooses her.

This one trigger — successfully applied — immediately puts you in the power position – she feels you are confident, even if your knees are knocking.

She’s going to look at you differently.

Without this trigger – you’re just another chump trying to win her attention.

2. The “Body Language” Trigger.

Don’t worry, this isn’t the normal BS you’re told about language…I’m talking about something different.

You see, the biggest mistake men make with their bodies…is giving off the “Nervous” vibe.

And nervous feels to her as one thing…submissive.

You probably don’t realize that you lose women with simple extraneous movements in your hands, the angle of your hips, the tilt of your head, the openness of your chest, the way your hold your shoulders…

You may have the best conversation topics in the world – but your body might be silently screaming to her:

“Please approve of me!” or “I’m scared!”

Leaving her with one overwhelming feeling:

I don’t feel safe with this guy.

“Moving, be like water.”

One of the many exercises I’ve taught my students is to practice “Moving As If Through Water.” It’s a way of slowing yourself down. If you think you might come off as nervous, practice moving your body as if resisted by the pressure of water, slowly, with the deliberation of focus – it gives women the sense of deep, internal strength.

You’ll notice women rarely go dreamy-eyed over the “Submissive, Chaotic” type. In fact, just the opposite, they swoon over and throw themselves at the Strong, Silent type.

When you master the trigger of Body Confidence, only then might she surrender herself to your bodily care.

If not – if you don’t do this right, why would she entrust her body to you? Unless you learn how to work this trigger, you’re going to go home alone.

3. The “Commanding Conversation” Trigger.

First, you need to understand two principles, of which, when properly acted upon, can utterly change your life:

1. If you do not lead, she can not follow.2. Either she is leading, or you are.

I have so many ways to show you how to put these principles into practical action. In fact: I could give you an entire toolbox of ways to make her feel that you’re a man in command of your world, not some passive wimp, listlessly waiting for life to happen to him…

Which is a HUGE turn off!

For example – in the first second of meeting, you can add value.

When she says, “I’m Bethany, how are you?”

You say…

“Great – I just got tickets to [event] Foo Fighters or I just got back from [travel] Bermuda – there’s this beach I love there called Paradise Cove…etc… have you seen them/ have you been?”

In a millisecond – you’ve taken a simple moment of introduction, and like you’ve thrown a train switch, you’ve taken the conversation where you want to go.

Subconsciously, she is already following you.

And from there, it’s infinitely easier to take the steps I’ll show you to lead her right into your arms, your bedroom, your life.

Without taking command like this, or any of the other methods that I’ll show you, she’ll be like a hitchhiker on the highway of life – waiting for another man to pick her up and show her a good time.

Folks, this is easy. These are skills from the Instant Confidence toolbox that anyone can learn.

It’s just a question – do you want the woman of your dreams or not?

Do you want a woman who will hang on your every word?

Do you want the kind of woman who supports your every dream? Who makes you feel like a million dollars every time she slips her soft, warm, lithe body into your arms?

Just imagine how different your life would be right now if you had that absolutely perfect woman – 100% into you and wanting to be with you and please you 24/7…

There’s nothing else like it.

But there is something monstrously worse…

What if you meet that perfect woman…only to stumble, hesitate, and then watch her float off in the arms of a man who has learned these triggers?

What might have seemed hard for you in the past, these techniques are your shortcut to confident conversation.

You could spend years gathering up this knowledge in bits and pieces, but I’ve saved you the trouble.

I’ve catalogued every shortcut to confident speech, behavior, and body language – into one comprehensive resource that you can put into action today.

Introducing…

The Instant Confidence With Women Program

Inside this one-of-a-kind comprehensive resource, you’ll get…

7 Quick “Clearing” Techniques to help you rid yourself of old negative beliefs – so you STOP sabotaging your own success with women NOW (with negative beliefs, nothing else I show you – or anything you ever do, will take you very far.)

A Complete Set of Instant Likability Triggers which will create instant warmth and affectionate feelings from women – even if you’ve been hesitant or shy before…

My 21 “Must Have” Confident Conversation Power Tools – which will make you a master at talking with women in a way that gets them turned-on and intrigued about getting to know you more deeply…And get her to look up to you as “unusually” cool. (No more awkward silences. You’ll never be at a loss for words again.)

8 Ways To Create Instant Authority – which give her the feeling of being safe, trusting, and admiring of you.

11 Party Domination Tactics to answer the need so many have – how to easily OWN the room and be the guy everyone wants to meet…even if you’re totally shy or nervous in social situations.

And, if you’ve ever been awkward at the end of a date wondering how to “close”, you’ll get 4 Commanding Doorstep “Good Night” Reframes (which either make her want to kiss you, or help you turn brush-offs into actual kisses)

My commitment in developing this system Is to give you EVERY tool you need in EVERY situation, so that you can act confidently, and attract women consistently.

The Instant Confidence With Women Program includes…

Which gives you detailed and comprehensive mastery in all the 4 foundations that you need…

1. Confident Mindset 2. Confident Conversation Skills 3. Confident Body Language 4. Confident Social Authority

This is literally EVERYTHING you need to appear and feel totally confident to women, even if you feel like you have ZERO confidence right now.

Simply put, if you don’t have all of these foundations covered, you simply won’t get the response you want from women, and if you do become better at these, women will look at you in an entirely new way, smiling at you, curious, wanting more…

If you’re like me, are busy, and you like to listen while traveling, working out, whatever it may be, you can take these trainings with you anywhere you go.

I’ve got an extra treat for you.

I’ve asked 6 of the leading experts on confidence to give you a free training.

For a killer, confident approach strategy – Jon Sinn teaches you his 4 step seduction roadmap – it’s no nonsense, fast, and devastatingly effective…

Using this simple strategy you meet, connect, and, to use the biblical term, consummate – all in one night.

Second, there’s no one better at “Confident Phone Game” than my buddy David Wygant – one of the best known dating coaches in the world. You’ll get our ultra-confident phone blueprint.

You’ll know anytime your phone rings, you’ll take the conversation where you want it to go – to a date, to the bedroom, or by her fireplace.

Third, I’m bringing you the well known author of “No More Mr. Nice Guy”, Dr. Robert Glover, who will end any shy or hesitant behavior for you – FOREVER.

If you’ve ever stressed out over being in the “Friend-Zone”, this interview will make it history.

Fourth, every woman wants a man to have some “edge.” So I’ve brought you the author of the “Bad Boy Formula”, Carlos Xuma, to give you the low-down on how to turn women on with a dose of bad boy.

Trust me, this is good for anyone – especially if you tend to be too nice, and you’ve seen the best girls go to guys who already know how to do this.

Fifth, you’re going to meet my friend John Romaniello – New York’s top personal trainer – and learn how to sculpt your body with MINIMAL effort.

This hour of training alone is worth 10x your entire investment in this program!

Finally, the stuff guys really want – sex. Confident sex. And for this, I bring you America’s #1 underground teacher of unleashing a woman’s sexual “naughty girl” – David Shade.

In this exclusive interview, David gives you the secrets of “verbal sexual dominance” that allows women to access their naughty side while feeling safe under your confident touch.

If you’ve ever wondered why other guys seem so comfortable and confident with women – it’s because they know these secrets.

Listen, these are learnable skills. It’s not a crime if you haven’t learned them yet.

You can shift your entire life with women into success right now.

TOTAL REAL WORLD VALUE: $371

Today – all this is yours for just…

It’s the cost of one nice dinner for two. And we all know that you can spend $100 or more on a woman’s dinner…only to end up with nothing in return. This program, on the other hand, just keeps giving and giving…

Look, I’ve worked hard to create something truly useful and easy for you so you can quickly skyrocket your success with women.

I’ve worked with thousands of women as well – this is what they want from you.

This is NOT trickery or “faking” it. Women appreciate a man who is willing to work on himself and become stronger internally, and understand that confidence isn’t always something you’re born with.

(As proof of this, I GUARANTEE that when you use these on a woman in your life, she will be pleasantly surprised by how much you’ve “changed”…she won’t know how or why, but she’ll be intrigued and possibly feeling attraction.)

Bottom line: You’re going to enjoy yourself so much more when you have the confidence that you can approach, connect with, and lead a woman into a great experience anywhere you go.

I believe this Instant Confidence Program represents one of the best investments you’ll ever make in your happiness.

I want you to have it. I want you to try it. But most of all… I want you to USE it!

”My

Listen, I know that this program works, as do the hundreds of customers who have already experienced it’s power first hand. At the same time, I understand that you still may be skeptical, so I want to do everything I can to make this a no-brainer, risk-free decision for you. For that reason, I’m extending to you my 60 day, 100% money back guarantee. I’m so confident in this program on confidence, if you don’t think it’s worth twice your investment, write me anytime within 60 days and I’ll refund your money. No questions asked, no hassles, no hoops to jump through.

At about 18 cents per day (if you consider the cost of using these secrets for just one year) – I know you’ll find it’s worth 10 or 100x the investment, because…

How do you even put a price tag on the joy of having beautiful women in your bed and in your life?

How much is it worth to you to feel sure of yourself…to feel wanted by beautiful women…to be able to gratify your deepest sexual urgest almost any time you want?

What should scare you is the cost of doing nothing.

What is the emotional cost of feeling frustrated, lonely, and rejected?

Not succeeding with women ruins your day at work, ruins your mealtimes, ruins your evenings, and is devastatingly painful when you turn the lights out…

Alone.

Low Confidence Is An Epidemic Problem – But It Doesn’t Have To Be Yours…

As it stands now…you pretty much have two choices before you:

1: Do Nothing and Hope You Magically Become More Confident…

This is what most guys do. And it’s why they stay in the same place forever, and settle for fat, miserable girlfriends and wives who make their lives a living hell.

Trust me, the “nice guy” with no confidence only wins in romantic comedies. In real life, beautiful women simply won’t compromise – they have lots of options and refuse to settle for a man who doesn’t give off the impression of confidence.

Sure, you can leave this to chance or hope… but chances are you’ll suffer through the same painful cycle most guys do… waiting to have success with women before you can feel confident, but never having the confidence to truly succeed with women!

If you’re cool with this, then this program isn’t for you. Feel free to close this page and get on with your life.

On the other hand – you can actually do something about it and take the second option…

2: Instantly Create The Confidence That Immediately And Permanently Changes Your Destiny With Women – Forever.

When you learn and adopt the simple triggers I show you, she’ll feel your Confident Approach. She’ll enjoy your “Commanding” Conversation. She’ll welcome your Confident Touch and Sexual Escalation. She’ll admire your Confident Social Leadership.

Women will notice, admire, and FEEL your new self.

With the help of the Instant Confidence system, you can FREE yourself from the hesitation of the past. You CAN get what you want! You CAN be the man women actually WANT.

These are EASY, SIMPLE, DOABLE skills which you can download in 5 minutes and be using today.

Just click the “Add To Cart” button below, and start your new life with women…

Not later. Not in 5 years. TODAY.

Avoid The #1 Regret Most Men Have On Their Deathbed…

It’s been said that most men, on their deathbed, regret not sleeping with more women during their lifetime. It’s a sad fact – the average guy spends most of his life deprived, settles, and then ends his life thinking “if only I had been with more women…”

I guess I got lucky. I hit rock bottom and sort of stumbled upon a series of principles that made me appear confident to women – despite my many shortcomings – and changed my results with women forever.

The result was that – despite being “average” in almost every regard – I began freely attracting, dating and sleeping with playmates, actresses, models, yoga teachers and other women that most guys only dream about.

And now I want to show you how to do the same.

Don’t spend another minute settling – or waiting for your confidence to change on its own. It won’t.

Yet with this system, you can quickly and immediately transform yourself into the kind of guy that women respond to – INSTANTLY.

In just a few simple steps that have been proven not only by me, but by hundreds of students around the world.

This is it – your chance to be the architect of your destiny with women.

Click any of the “add to cart” buttons you see on this page – and I’ll see you inside the program.

To your best life, Adam Gilad

P.S. With our 60 day 100% Money-back Guarantee, I’m giving you 60 risk free days to discover what countless others have – this is the easiest, most powerful tool for creating confidence in yourself and bringing in beautiful, evolved, and amazing women into your life.

Remember, it works especially well if you don’t feel confident now — and regardless of your looks, age, height, income, or anything else. I routinely get women that most guys think I should NEVER have a chance with…but it doesn’t matter. Because this stuff works for any guy, you just have to follow the steps…

P.P.S. — Don’t just take my word for it – listen to what some of our customers have had to say about the Instant Confidence With Women Program:

“Adam, Instant Confidence With Women is more important to me than the stack of my dad’s old Playboys that I’ve been reading since I was 14. Thanks for helping me meet the kind of women I used to dream about.” — Bill, South Bend, IN

“I don’t need your program any more Adam. I set out looking for the love of my life 6 months ago, and I’ve now found her — because of you! Now I am even, actually – you may have to shoot me – thinking of, gulp… marriage — Jaime, Texas

Just wanted to shoot you a quick e-mail saying how I love what you are doing, and how you approach the whole idea behind dating, attraction, and associating with women. I first heard about you on David Deangelos interview series – something about you stood out from the rest of his interviews, I just think you are more down to earth than many of the other dating gurus, and that sits better with me. Keep up the great work. There are many dating experts out there – but your material suits me the best by far. -Peter

Hey Adam, Thank you a million times over for this program and all the effort you put into it. You definitely went above and beyond the call, especially for the price. One of the strengths you have that the other men in the seduction community don’t is that you have an uncanny ability to bring different factors together into cohesion – actually strenghtening a sense of community. It’s almost like you are the mastermind behind bringing together all these stray pieces of the seduction community. Thank you again for this work and I am excited to see what you come up with next. -Brad

I have never had much success with daing. Mostly because I was stuck doing what every other lame guy was doing. If I had success, it was usually from women that were less than appealing. After purchasing the Instant Confidence With Women system I incorporated just a few of the principles, and had amazing results within the first two days. I’ve already been out with one of the girls – that ened VERY nicely – and have a date setup with the other one. These are the results after only 2 DAYS!!! Thanks a lot man. I will recommend your program to everyone I know. -Mark

Your material is exceptional in it’s clarity and simplicity, unlike most of the other stuff I’ve bought online. The “other stuff” describe the program ad infinitum without offering real solutions. Instead, after 10,000 pages of problem descriptions, they conclude with “you must change the situation.” – without giving you any way “how”. I put your ideas into work late one night (or early morning, actually!), and bingo, I was able to connect with 3 hot women. Much better results. Thank you so much. -Mark

I appreciate your genuineness, your wisdom, and insight. Your way is clearly not one of manipulation but just of recognizing we are all searching for more fulfillment in connection and that the power to truly connect with another human being and specifically with women is in us all. You are helping men discover or rediscover their goodness. Have to start with yourself before moving onto the girls. -Cedar

P.P.P.S. — Have a question? We probably already answered it below!

Q: What is Instant Confidence With Women and how does it work? Instant Confidence is the handbook for men who want to bring out their confidence quickly and effectively, so that women SPARK in interest. These shortcuts give you conversational starters, conversational framers and methods to lead any woman into deeper, more revealing conversations. This program also gives you body language secrets and the no-mistake signals to women that you are not some guy next door, but a man with edge, boldness and sexual gravity. This program is all about practical actions for you to take that will bolster your presence and success with women, wherever you go, whatever you do.

Q: Will the strategies & tools inside of Instant Confidence With Women work for men of any age? Absolutely. Women want to feel safe in your presence – and the way they feel safe is when you can project confidence in your body, your speech and mindset. Without the techniques and practices you will collect in this program, women will look right through you. No matter what your age, your ability to embody confidence and groundedness will be a magnet to the best women in the world.

Q: Do the methods inside of Instant Confidence With Women have anything to do with “pick-up”? Women want to feel your confidence. Pick up teaches you how to mask your lack of confidence with smoke and mirrors – and silly hats. This program will give you the shortcuts to make an instant impact on the women you meet with your conversation and body language, with your communication frames and ability to take any moment and take it deeper – not from trickery, but by bringing out the best man inside you. This program will give you a choice.

Q: How will I receive the product? Anally. No, not really. As soon as you finish the purchase process, I’ll direct you to a page where you can immediately access & download the program & its bonuses.

Q: What if it doesn’t work for me? These practices have been tested on thousands of women, for thousands of men of all ages, nationalities, shapes and sizes. In short, everything in this program actually works. It’s just up to you to put it to work. Simply put, if you follow the program exactly as I’ve outlined it, and can’t get the results you’re looking for, then contact me and my staff and we’ll give you a refund – No hassles, no hoops to jump through, just a prompt and courteous refund. So as you can see, the burden to deliver is 100% on me – the only thing you need to do is let me prove it to you by putting this material to work.

Q: Will this work for me even if I’m shy? This program will work for you especially if you are shy! Guys who are outgoing and verbal and socially adept will recognize the techniques and practices in this program – and will learn a few they’ve never heard before. People who are good at ANYTHING will always be looking to SHARPEN skills. But if you are shy, then that’s just a habit you’ve learned and accepted. If you are serious about living a life full of happy, loving, fun, sweet and sexy women – then you just make the decision to unlearn the shy habits that have sunk you in the past and replace them with the skills and habits you will find in this program. It’s not nuclear physics. It’s social skills and ANYBODY can learn them – any age, any background, trucker or neurosurgeon. You will find herein the keys to quickly and effectively awaken the heart of women. You just have to want to win.

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laundryandtaxes · 7 years

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hey! first of all, thank you for answering. secondly, I guess I feel like something's wrong with me because I live in a "gay" city? and there's definitely gay women here. I just don't know where. I know straight women who have had many lesbian experience while out or drinking especially, but I feel like something's wrong with me because if anyone should have that happen, it should be the gay chick? Idk. This sounds ridiculous and silly I know but (pt.1)

(Pt.2) but I feel like the girls who it does happen to are very thin and very pretty, in a really conventional sense and I'm not either of those things. So I guess I worry I'll never really get to have girlfriends or gay friends unless one day I wake up really pretty and really white and really thin.

Ohhhhh I understand better I think! There is still nothing wrong with you of course, and honestly that’s a feeling I know. Your experience of being gay among anybody (including other gay people) will depend a lot on local culture- it’s possible the gay culture where you are just includes a lot of straight women who hang around whatever gay scene there is.

A lot of the ways LGBT people meet each other is through dating, and dating cultures in cities are either entirely centered around online dating (which I don’t guess you’re using or you’d have mentioned it) or bar scenes, which I have never been into because I like neither bars nor alcohol very much. I think a good bet is trying to find a lesbian group in your area by calling an LGBT center, or calling a local university and asking about their LGBT groups, or searching around on facebook (”citynamehere lesbians” will probably pull up something), and then meeting someone who can help you with local stuff because this sort of stuff can be super local. A lot of groups will have mixers, especially during summer, specifically meant to pull in LGBT people, or bi people or lesbians or trans people or whoever the group focuses on, who are not already connected with the group and to give a bunch of people the chance to meet each other. After calling a center and some local universities, I would also just google “Cityname LGBT [sport/theatre/book club]” because I’m certain you will find things in a gay city. The issue you’re facing is also pretty universal to adults looking to meet people, so don’t feel weird about that- it just is hard and requires putting yourself out there!

But you’re fine- you’re going to have a harder time dating if you’re not conventionally attractive, yes, but I guarantee someone in a big city thinks you’re super hot. Dating when gay is a numbers game, which I say all the time- think of the women in the city you’re attracted to, the ones among those who are lbpq, then the ones among THOSE who are attracted to you back, then among THOSE the ones with whom you have basic romantic and friendly compatibility, then the ones among THOSE with whom you have good sexual compatibility. That’s your ideal dating pool, and it is small. Of course it will take some time to find someone in it who’s what you’re looking for! Be patient, don’t rush yourself or feel like you have to hit milestones by a certain point, remember that looooooooads of LGBT people start dating later than cishet people, and be easy on yourself! I hope this helps some!

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wickedchrissy · 8 years

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🐰 💗 👀 ☀️ 😘 💁 🌟 🎁 ✈️ ☕️ 🌸 🎵 ⚡️ 💛 🌺 💜 🐬 🍪 🍰 🍑 ☔️ 😊 📚 🐧 🐵 💫 🎀 🎬 🍦 🐱 🐼 I ) (ope You ) (ave A Spectacular Day You Amazing Bean

ONLY IF YOU HAVE ONE TOO HUSBAND OF MINE

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone? uh idk if I have any of those, I’m a pretty open book

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be? @foolish-idiot

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had? well last night I had a dream that I had to show my boyfriend how to get to work only everything looked like a jungle??? idek

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend? his laugh :)

😘 talk about your crush or partner. LMAO I see what you’re doing here babe. He’s always smiling and he’s obsessed with movies. One day he’s gonna be a movie critic and I’m sure you’ll hear his name. He’s silly and goofy and always tries to make me laugh (which he does better than anyone). He’s really smart and we have the most intelligent and deep conversations. He’s loving and cuddling and caring and listens to every word I have to say. He’s an amazing cook and has started to teach me how to cook. In fact, he teaches me a lot of things and introduces new things to me, and I do the same back. He’s actually really shy around new people and very dorky but by first impression he’s very friendly and really attractive. He plays video games, surfs, and has the strongest relationship with his little brother. He’s generous and sweet and showers everyone in compliments. But he can also joke around and say the sassiest things. And he’s passionate. God he is so passionate about everything he does. Music is something we share a passion in, he plays guitar and we go to concerts together. He can’t dance for shit and it’s adorable so I’ve started to teach him the basics. He’s…he’s everything I’ve ever wanted and I couldn’t be happier

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back? nuh uh. kill with kindness

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!) I like my eyes. I like my passion. I like how I’m able to hear everyone’s side. :)

🎁 what never fails to make you happy? little kids

✈️ what is your dream city and why? Madrid. I adore Spanish language and culture. I’ve always wanted to go there. The history. The people. The lifestyle. The beauty. Just UGH

☕️ talk about your ideal day. My ideal day will be far off on the future. I’ll roll over in the morning and wake up next to my spouse and get a good morning kiss. The weather will be beautiful so me and my family (kids being 11 and younger) will head out to the beach. The waves will be gorgeous, the sun will be hot, my kids will have a blast swimming and making sand castles and walking jetis and we’ll all share ice cream when the day is out.

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert? Extrovert!

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment. Nicotine–Panic! at the DiscoJenny–Walk the MoonOpus��Eric PrydzOne Week–Bare Naked LadiesBonfire–Childish Gambino

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why? Teleportation! I hate being stuck in one place and that way I could visit everybody and see the world!

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say? You are loved. everything is going to be okay.

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn? I know English and Spanish. I’d really like to learn ASL and maybe French and Japanese.

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today? I’ll be working in customer service so quite a bit :) I’m also taking somebody else’s shift because it’s their birthday!

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why? Does a fairy count as a magical creature? I just want to be a fairy. I want to be small and fly and just fairy yes. If not. Dolphin because intelligent and water and super gay

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now? I wanted to be a doctor. Now I want to be an elementary/middle school teacher :)

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods? god where do I fucking start. I love everything and anything with sugar.

🍑 what are you obsessed with? Voltron

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person? “You asked me if you were a good man. And the answer is… I don’t know. But I think you try to be. And I think that’s probably the point.” –Clara Oswald. 8.2 Into the Dalek

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies? I gif, I dance, I play the ukulele, I write :D

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them. Perks of Being a Wallflower–Stephen Chbosky “We accept the love we think we deserve”It’s Kind of a Funny Story–Ned Vizzini “Dreams are only dreams until you wake up and make them real”The Book Thief–Marcus Zusak “I have hated words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right”

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words. Work in progress.

🐵 which quotes changed you? Oh god there’s so many. But the one that always sticks with me “Fall Seven Times. Stand up Eight.” –Japanese Proverb

💫 who inspires you? I get a little inspiration from everybody :)

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like? Uh…sweaters, dresses, leggings, and beanies?

🎬 what are some of your favourite films? The Princess Bride. Good Will Hunting. Tangled. Howl’s Moving Castle.

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory? I remember in kindergarten I won the coloring contest. First prize. And yes at that time it’d be a big deal for anybody, but before kindergarten I had motor therapy. I couldn’t hold things right and my hand and fingers didn’t move right. So not only did I overcome that, but I became the best.

🐱 what’s your dream pet like? I already have my dream pets

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be? Brendon Urie. *drools*

#ask game #husband gets curious #I really liked these questions :)

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probablybipolar · 7 years

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Feeling low

My best friend visited me at uni last weekend, coming for 16 hours overnight to go clubbing and see me. He literally had 2x 5-hour coach journeys the mad bastard. I told all my uni friends about this two weeks in advance and asked them to be there and to hang out and go out with us. On the night only 2 out of the 10 were really there. The others all fucked off with various excuses. I can’t put into words just how at home and happy I felt having my mum visit me last week and then my bestfriend too. There was no drama, easy conversation and just relaxation in general.

When I talk to my uni friend AS he is unbelievably insecure. Every thing he brings up in conversation is some kind of masculinity competition I swear to god. I eat my dinners with him as we are both catered and every night he talks about how many push ups, pull ups and sit ups he’s done, how many fucking nuts he’s eaten and why they are such great food, complains about the same fucking girl who he’s already been rejected by but continues to be her best friend all day. When he went on this stupid camping trip over the weekend he walked 90km in 3 days. He talks about how it was an ‘adventure’ and how the ‘danger’ made him feel revived and alive. He talked as if he’d done something amazing I should be in awe of. Seriously though? I wouldn’t give a flying fuck if he’d climbed Snowdonia. The danger he was in? It was just him being a fucking idiot e.g. walking down a marshy hillside AT NIGHT or being subjected to only eating beans all weekend WHEN HE COULD HAVE JUST BROUGHT SOMETHING ELSE. There’s a weird pretentiousness that some people have about the outdoors and he most definitely has it. I love camping and hiking myself don’t get me wrong, but in my opinion it should be a relaxing experience focused on talking to people and campfires and NOT walking all day long from dawn until after dusk when it’s too dark to make a fire and focusing on photography all day to the point that you don’t fully experience it. He just won’t shut up about it either but he clearly can’t take a fucking hint that I actually respect him less for this stupid excursion rather than more.

The next issue on my mind has to be my girl failures. I consider myself to be pretty optimistic about the future in general. Not until recently had I considered that I might not even have a successful romantic/sexual interaction with a girl before the end of uni. This situation is dire though. I’m not meeting many girls at the moment but even at times when I AM meeting many, I don’t get anywhere. I don’t know why either. I’m no longer either too forward or too shy, I try to flirt (though I suck at it I guess), about half the girls I’m into are quite rude to me etc. They say that you need confidence to be successful romantically but how can I have that kind of confidence when I have only failed and failed and failed my entire life? I kissed a girl on a summer camp type of thing when I was 15 but that’s it. I’m 20 at the end of the year and I’ve made no progress since then. It hurts me internally so badly because my girl failures have always been at the forefront of my mind. I’ve never been able to get fully engrossed in a hobby or subject that I’d forget girls and so it’s always been a painful hindrance to my existance. What’s more, nobody seems to give a shit that I don’t get with anyone. My friends don’t give me advice because they’re too self-centred for that shit and often it feels like they think they’re in competition with me over everything rather than being up for helping me. I’ve been feeling very low for the whole last week except when my mum and friend came to visit. Literally both days they were coming I was hoping they wouldn’t come because I wanted to be alone but then the moment they arrived I felt so happy.

When I see and talk to my real best friends I genuinely have a warm feeling in my heart. My best-friend/crush CF who lives on the other side of the world snapchats me still. I kid you not that girl is so pretty not only on the outside but she is such a kind soul with a beautiful creativity I can not resist. When She takes a good photo of herself I cry a little. My heart skips a beat and I can’t help but admire her face. Maybe that sounds weird but when I’m looking at her picture, even during a hectic pre-drinks, I’m in a warm bubble and it always makes me smile. With some people on snapchat you just delay opening their snaps because you can’t be fucked to reply yet or maybe you want to wait the appropriate time. With her, I either open it immediately or if I’m very busy I save it for when I need something to just calm me down. I do think I’m somehow in love with her which is silly but even my drunk self thinks so. Drunk-me has declared on multiple occasions that I’ll marry her.

On a totally different note I want to talk about national identity. I claim 5 which makes this very confusing. By heritage on one side of the family I’m Greek. I’m happy to be called Greek and I love Greece - the place, the language, the people, the food. The issue is that it’s my mother’s side so nobody thinks I’m Greek which means they’re always surprised when I defend it in arguments and talk about my love for the culture. I joined the Greek society at uni in the hopes that I might get more in tune with the culture here but unfortunately that went terribly. I just feel so alienated when I go to the society meetings because everyone just speaks in fluent Greek and ignores the ones like myself who are not fluent. On top of that like half of the people there are Cypriot so they have a weird fucking accent which makes understanding them even harder. There’s literally no point me being there and they make me feel like an outsider. Even though I’m on a Greek intramural football team, the other members just ignore the fact that I don’t speak it for the most part. This is exacerbated by the fact that I’m 100% the worst player on the team though I’ve greatly improved and I know for sure that one of them is always mouthing me off in Greek behind my back. I just don’t belong. Similarly I joined Balkan society cos my Dad’s side of the family is Serbian. It’s such a small society and spread out over different ages that I can’t just blend in-it’s shitty af. I have two Bosnian friends at the uni and they joked about how I still can’t speak the language a couple weeks ago. They also understand Balkan culture so much better than I ever could and wear adidas trackies unironically. Again, I just don’t belong with this crowd. I’m just not even like the other Serbian members of the family because they are so aggressive and nationalistic and all that but there’s no way I could ever be that. I don’t have a passion for the motherland, I don’t enjoy plum brandy moonshine, I don’t speak the language, I haven’t been in protests against NATO and the UN bombing Serbia. Because of my surname, I get called a Serb a lot. Lots of annoying nicknames which I don’t enjoy if I’m honest, even if they are lighthearted. Things like being compared to Vidic (who’ll fucking murder ya) or Slobodan Milosevic, being called a vampire, serial killer, genocidal maniac, squatting slav etc. etc. It’s just not me and it made me feel like I was not really welcomed fully into being a Brit even though I was born in London and lived there my whole life. My accent and my surname prevent me from being seen as British by pretty much everyone. My accent is a totally fucked mixture of various English ones and then Canadian + American too. The North Americans give me strange uncomfortable looks when I try to say I’m one of them because I never really know their culture in detail enough to fully be one despite possessing citizenship. To sum up I don’t feel like I’m any one of my nationalities and I would gladly be seen as any of the 5 except Serbian - the only one I get labelled as thanks to my surname - as it is something I will never truly be.

This kind of leads me on to my fake exterior. I think I’ve been over-compensating with gimmicks and characteristics so I could distract people from who I really am. Things like making jokes about the peculiarities and eccentricities of my Serbian family, wearing cowboy boots/ slavic football kit/ sunglasses to the club, only drinking absolutely terrible novelty factor drinks such as Buckfast wine and WKD or the big one which I can’t help telling new people about: my gollum impression. I do all this random shit because I think it makes me seem exciting and fun to be around but when I run out of them, I realise I’ve made friends who don’t really know about my serious side. When I put away the gimmicks they still expect me to be overly-outgoing and excitable so when they see me in either a normal state or a low-one, they seem to leave me alone to the point that I get very lonely. I don’t feel like I can talk to anybody about any of my problems because I only hang out with these people when I’m being weird. I can’t live my life normally with my uni friends because I don’t live in their flat all together. I don’t get little interactions whilst making breakfast or doing some work. All i get is pre-drinks and clubbing. I do enjoy it when I get people on their own and we have proper conversations. I’m good at one on one chats whilst we do things together which is why my date with that girl a few months ago went so well despite us being diametrically opposed in every aspect of life. I just feel like something’s missing here. This loneliness enhances my desire to find a girl for once. I genuinely feel so sad all the time at the moment. At school I didn’t use gimmicks and an overly-outgoing side - I was only myself and serious around strangers and then friendly among friends. It resulted in me having very few friends and feeling very isolated but now me trying the other way around helped me make lots of friends initially but then has not led to as many deep meaningful connections as I would have liked.

What really doesn’t help any of this shit is the fact that I am a catered uni student. Unfortunately this means I don’t fucking get lunch served to me BUT I ALSO DON’T GET ANY FUCKING KITCHEN APPLIANCES APART FROM A MICROWAVE WITH WHICH I CAN COOK. This means I’m fucking starving most of the time and when I get hungry I get emotional - especially angry or sad. What am I supposed to do? Pot noodle is so unhealthy and I don’t like eating pre-made meals out of a microwave very much. I really miss having the opportunity to make my own food I can’t tell you. I eat so much junk food just because of the lunch situation. Luckily I have a fucking steam engine of a metabolism so I don’t gain weight from it but imagine how healthy I could be if I was able to prepare fresh food. Oh my. So sad.

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cynthiajayusa · 7 years

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Kelly Clarkson Talks Artistic Liberation, Confronting Anti-LGBT Parents

During her 15-year career as your friendly pop spirit-lifter, Kelly Clarkson has prescribed a cheap alternative to therapy: anthemic pick-me-ups like “Since U Been Gone” and “People Like Us,” songs that impel a transcendental, fist-raised state.

Late-night Facebook Live sessions are also her thing, and recently, the American Idol alum geeked out like she’d just won “Idol” all over again about her soulful rebirth, Meaning of Life, released on her new label, Atlantic Records. It was just Clarkson chillin’ on the couch with a glass of red wine that was much deserved, considering the artistic sacrifices she had to make post-“Idol,” when she felt creatively stagnate as a Top 40 machine for RCA Records. But aside from a fat glass of red, Clarkson has other strong urges too.

Due, in part, to her simply being so damn cool, Clarkson – who drowned the world in their own tears right along with her own as she was crowned the inaugural “Idol” winner in 2002 – tells me she feels so compelled to stick up for her LGBT besties she literally wants to go door-to-door and talk some sense into her friends’ homophobic parents.

Because her friends ask her not to, she doesn’t. But here, with the ever-outspoken and now-artistically-liberated Clarkson leaving almost no opinion unturned, the Texas native makes that point loud and clear. Before getting back to being a mom to River Rose, 3, and Remington Alexander, 1, as well as husband Brandon Blackstock’s kids Seth and Savannah from a previous relationship, Clarkson spoke like one. Even her simple “diva” request – a “pretty dress to sing in” – is enough to make you wish you were on that couch with her and a bottle of Pinot.

Mariah, P!NK, Kesha – so many female artists have gone through the creative struggles you have.

Oh, every artist. It’s so not unique in any way.

How good does it feel to finally be yourself artistically?

It just feels freeing to make an entire project and, in its entirety, I’m 100 percent excited about it. There wasn’t any compromise. It’s how I feel the creative industry should feel. There’s nothing like working on something you’re so proud of.

Please tell me you at least got a little sloppy at a gay club to celebrate the end of your contract with RCA.

(Laughs) Brother, I got four kids and a career, I ain’t got time to go to clubs! I’m rockin’ a 1-, 3-, 10- and 16 year-old, man. You know what club I go to? The club of playing board games with my family…which, actually, I love.

Plus, you have your farm just outside Nashville. You’ve got chickens to raise!

We’ve got our chickens, our honeybees, and our orchard. We love our farm.

Have you sent RCA Records head Clive Davis a copy of the album?

(Laughs) Be like, “This is what I was wanting to do this whole time!” Yeah, no. (Laughs) You know what’s so sad: I was so excited to work with him. You have no idea. He worked with so many of my favorites: Janis (Joplin), and he worked with Bruce Springsteen way back in the day. All these artists who were very innovative in their time, and I was so excited. That’s been one of the saddest points for me in this industry – just figuring out that someone I really look up to just was not what they seemed. That was a pretty big blow. I was pretty sad about that. Like, we don’t always need to meet our heroes.

In some ways, your story of artistic suppression is relatable to the LGBT community. As an ally, do you recognize that affinity?

Talking with my gay or lesbian friends over the years, I can’t imagine. I’ve always said I can’t imagine not being able to be myself in and out. And, yes, while I can relate a bit musically to feeling like you’re going over massive hurdles to try and get to a compromise that you’re happy with, that’s nothing in comparison to hearing my friends talk about (being gay), especially in the South where I grew up, and then the faith thing comes into play.

I had one friend wait, and this is the saddest thing ever: I don’t think she ever felt comfortable in her skin because her parents were older. So, they passed away and then she finally felt free. I thought, “What a horrible feeling to have to wait until people aren’t around to be yourself.” I could never ever relate to that. I feel horrible that anybody has to go through that. It’s almost like when people ask me about other artists who have all these shticks about them and I’m like, “Oh God that would weigh on me if I had to keep that up, if I had to keep doing shit to make everyone happy.”

Walking onto the stage in, like, a pretty dress to sing, that’s really the extent of my diva, or just my experience on the stage. I’ve always just been very simple. Even in situations, musically, where I really had to fight or jump through hoops, I still was able to be myself, which I think people didn’t like because I was very open. But I have to do that. I have to express myself. Literally, I would go in such a downward spiral of depression if I weren’t able to, and that’s why, honestly, a lot of friends, especially who are gay and lesbian, felt that way. I pray to God my children never have to feel that, that people around me don’t have to feel that. I always hope that I’m always the one person going, “If they’re upset about it, screw it. It’s your life. You can’t “not” be you. You can’t suffer just because you’re trying to make somebody else happy. That’s not a life.”

That sounds exactly like something Kelly Clarkson would say. And I wonder, as someone who has this large, far-reaching platform, what does it mean to you to be an LGBT ally, and when did you know you had the power to be one?

I always laugh at the concept that people are like, “We just love what you say; that’s why we love you,” and I’m like, “Why is everyone not like that?” That’s what boggles my mind. Why would you not say what you want to say?

(In our last interview you) asked me if my daughter or son, or any of the four, ended up being gay, how would I take that, and I’d be like, “Awesome!” Honestly, in a world that is so hateful sometimes, I don’t care where my kids find love. Hopefully with a loving and respectful and kind person, but I don’t care if they’re a boy or a girl. It just doesn’t make a damn bit of difference to me.

I do want my children to fall in love with people who are loving, but I feel like our priorities are silly-ass backwards. Like, I want to go to my friends’ parents who just don’t want to talk about it. They know, but are like, “We just can’t talk about it,” which is so demeaning to their (children’s) existence. And I want to knock on their door – I don’t, because (my friends) ask me not to (laughs) – and be like, “Do you know you’re missing out on an exceptional human because you can’t get past your own ignorance? It’s just silly to me that you want to miss out.” I want to tell them, “I didn’t have a dad and it had nothing to do with me being gay – it had to do with, he was a shitty guy. And you have the opportunity now to not be that parent and embrace your child. That’s your DNA. You love your children. What’s wrong with you?” It just makes me so mad, more so than anything.

This past June, you helped two gay fans get engaged during one of your meet-and-greets.

Oh my gosh, it was exciting. But I was nervous! Like, what if he was gonna say no?! (Laughs)

How would you live that down?

Literally, before I was like, “Wait. I do not want to be put in this situation where this guy might say no. Are you sure he’s gonna say yes?” And he goes, “Well, I hope so!” He was nervous. I probably didn’t help any. (Laughs)

Do you hope gay couples just start routinely getting engaged in front of you?

I was like, “I need to get ordained!”

For the sake of gay couples everywhere, why are you not?

I don’t know if that would be authenticated! I don’t know if people would question that! One of our friends – my husband also manages Blake Shelton – was like, “I wanna marry y’all” and I was like, “I want it to be, like, credible. You don’t actually have a following, or a church!

I have a feeling people would go to the Church of KC.

Oh, Lord, that would be a funny church.

So, as much as I love talking about music, it’s hard not to acknowledge the screwy state of the world during interviews these days.

Yeah, everything is obviously impacted by it.

How are you? I know you’ve always stood up for what you believe in, but in this politically divisive climate, do you feel an even greater responsibility to stand up for the things that are important to you?

The hard thing for me, specifically: I always hate when people bring up, “Oh, you’re a celebrity, you shouldn’t have an opinion.” The hard thing in that for me is, I’m not just that. I’m a mother, I’m a daughter, I’m a woman. And it took a long time and a lot of women to pioneer that way for me, to even have a voice. So, for me to not use that is so disrespectful to those before me who worked so hard for it. For me to not take advantage of that seems like a cruel irony.

Why would I not voice my opinion as a mother? Why can’t I say this is a really hard time to have a 10- and 16-year-old, guys? Because I don’t know what to tell them when they hear certain things on TV. They’re smart enough to know what’s going on. I can’t hide them from that. So, it’s a very hard time to explain things away. It’s a very hard time to have the discussion about any kind of bigotry or racism or elitism. It’s a very hard time because a lot of things are happening that are making crazy, insane, irrational moments normal, and it’s a very hard time to raise kids in that environment. Forget me even being a celebrity. As a mother – just as a mother – it’s a very hard time.

I’m glad, at least, that everything is all coming to the forefront because it’s now pointing out – like, I had no idea we had white supremacists. I have never come across people like that. Not even as a child in a small town in the South, and even then, that town has blossomed and they’re more progressive now.

It’s 2017 – why are we still having these conversations? But we’re having them because they do exist, and it’s insane. It’s insane that somebody just doesn’t go, “Oh, I’m sorry, but yeah, we don’t want that here. You should go somewhere else. This is a country of many cultures, many faiths, and open-mindedness. That is why people came here.” It’s amazing to me that we just don’t have grown-ass men and women in the public eye of politics going, “Absolutely not. I’m not even having this conversation because that’s not even OK. There’s no way to validate what just happened.”

Reflecting on all your work for RCA: Which album are you most and least proud of?

The album I’m most proud of in that whole section is the Christmas album (2013’s Wrapped in Red), and that’s just because it was 100 percent me. It was Christmas and it was OK for me to make decisions (laughs). They let (producer) Greg (Kurstin) and I do whatever we wanted, so it was a lot easier to accomplish my goal with that album.

My least favorite? Man, I mean, maybe my least favorite was my first one (2003’s Thankful). I just say that because of the experience. I was very young and very excited about making a record. It was my first time doing all of that, and it was also my first time realizing, “This is gonna be really hard because there are so many cooks in the kitchen and they don’t care that you’re not allowed to be one.” It was my first experience in the industry going, “Oh, wait, this isn’t what I thought it was gonna be like.” So my ignorance led to that and me being young and excited, I guess. Not that I don’t love the album – it’s just that I didn’t love finding that out.

Do you ever get tired of singing your first single, 2002’s “A Moment Like This”?

I never sing it! Because the song wasn’t meant for me – it was meant for the winner. I never would’ve been like, “This is a great record” (laughs). I get the moment it was for. That was the perfect song for that moment. I totally address that, but that song doesn’t fit in my tour setlist.

It still takes me back every time I hear it.

Totally. The nostalgia. For me too. It was a beautiful moment. I’m very thankful and blessed for it. But it wasn’t a song that was meant for me. They just wrote it for whomever was gonna win, so that doesn’t make me feel special. (Laughs)

With Meaning of Life, your hair on the album cover is giving me some serious Mariah vibes.

That Drew Barrymore-to-the-side-’90s vibe, yeah – it’s completely calculated. (Laughs) I literally was like, “I want the hair for this album to be talking to God.” It fits with the record. It’s so sassy and confident and diva in the best sense, and so I really wanted that ’90s hair. All my inspiration photos were of ’90s hair. Whether it’s the artwork or the music, everything on this album is influenced by the ’90s, which was my favorite time in music.

From “Since U Been Gone” on through “People Like Us” and “I Have a Dream,” your anthems have been empowering to LGBT people. What song on this album do you hope becomes the next big gay anthem?

It’s always my gay boys who come up and go, “Oh my god, I love ‘Whole Lotta Woman.’” And it’s so funny, because I’m like, that is so ironic and amazing! (Laughs)

Based solely on the track’s name, not even the fact that it’s a celebratory anthem, you can’t possibly be that surprised.

(Laughs) Honestly, I didn’t think about it! But then we performed it impromptu at the “Today” show just for the audience there in New York – not for the televised show, just for the audience – and it was so funny because all the gay boys were dancing more than anyone, even more than the women! It was so fun. It’s such a fun audience that just loves sass and confidence, and I just love being surrounded by an audience with that kind of energy.

That song definitely shut downs, once and for all, your social-media shamers. What advice do you have for LGBT people who experience the bullying that you’ve experienced?

We have a 16-year-old girl and a grown-ass woman was being horrible to her. She was just being hateful and passive-aggressive online and I had to be real with (my daughter). I said, “This is gonna happen so often, so this would be a good time to learn to take the high road. Block them or whatever you want to do to not see it, if you don’t want to see it.”

Bullying is gonna happen, so we tell our kids, “That’s gonna happen. I can’t protect you from that. There’s nothing we can do about that. There are no bullying cops.” It’s an epidemic that’s horrible and it needs to be addressed, but at the same time, when you have kids coming to you, I just have to teach her to rise above it.

It’s one of those things I always describe to fans, too, in meet-and-greets because they always ask, “How are you so confident?” It’s because, at the end of the day, I really don’t care about anyone’s opinion but mine and the people I know who love me and really do want the best for me. You can’t base your entire existence and every decision off how people are gonna feel about it. That’s a giant check list; there’s a lot of us. (Laughs) So, just be happy with your decisions, and sometimes know you’re gonna be successful and sometimes you’re gonna fail. And whatever. At least you were steering your ship.

source https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2017/11/30/kelly-clarkson-talks-artistic-liberation-confronting-anti-lgbt-parents/ from Hot Spots Magazine http://hotspotsmagazin.blogspot.com/2017/11/kelly-clarkson-talks-artistic.html

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allenmendezsr · 5 years

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Instant Confidence With Women

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