#i wanna draw different scenes to the lyrics

[devils-minion]

"Don't get me venting on friends who resent you 'Cause all you've ever done is been a noose to hang on to They thought was a necklace and reckless they fell into hell Where you both hang with nothing to do but

Scratch, kick, let gravity win like Fuck this, let gravity win like You could leave it all behind Even the Devil needs time alone sometimes"

[myloveismineallmine]

part 2!

honestly I have a lot ground to cover in terms of songs used for Carmy and Claire. Some are kind of sad. Some are really fucking funny. This one is kinda both.

We'll start with the first song we hear playing with Carmy and Claire: Strange Currencies by R.E.M.

The actual lyrics have little to do with what's going on in the scene, Claire and Carmen are conversing over most of the lyrics. It's not until the third verse that the volume increases and the lyrics become audible. But I'm still gonna talk about the first half of the song, because why not?

"I don't know why you're mean to me When I call on the telephone And I don't know what you mean to me But I want to turn you on, turn you up, figure you out I wanna take you on ..."

Okay, so this first verse is very Claire coded right off the bat. But I do think this song is actually more about Carmy's feelings, and really I can just about guarantee you it is because this song plays twice in the show. R.E.M. songs also have a tendency to play in scenes with Carmen specifically.

"These words, "You will be mine" These words, "You will be mine", all the time

The fool might be my middle name But I'd be foolish not to say I'm going to make whatever it takes Bring you up, call you down, sign your name, secret love Make it rhyme, take you in, and make you mine

These words, "You will be mine" These words, "You will be mine," all the time, oh

I tripped and fell, did I fall What I want to feel, I want to feel it now"

Do not lose hope, fellow sydcarmys. These lyrics are deceptively romantic. But yes, this is what is playing during the conversation w/ Carm and Claire. What is of more interest is the verse that we do finally hear:

"And now with love come strange currencies And here is my appeal I need a chance, a second chance, a third chance, a fourth chance A word, a signal, a nod, a little breath Just to fool myself, to catch myself, to make it real, real"

So the show actually cuts to credits after "And here is my appeal." The rest of the song does play to the end, though.

Interesting that the one verse we hear is the one that just completely invalidates the romantic message of the song.

Like. I could end the post right here, folks.

But I will expand further-- this song, to me, is about Carmy trying to convince himself that he loves Claire.

"These words, "You will be mine" These words, they haunt me, hunt me down, catch in my throat, make me pray Say, love's confined, oh"

This is the final verse of the song. The words "catch in my throat." Probably because... he doesn't actually mean them. This is also foreshadowing that he feels confined in love with Claire.

R.E.M. has plenty of love songs. So the fact they used one where the message of the song is repeating the words "I love you" in an attempt to convince yourself/others you're in love is.....curious.

This song is also used a second time in the show, but in a very different context, so I wanted to touch on that too:

A distorted version of Strange Currencies plays as Carmen has a panic attack in the alley.

The first flashback we see is actually his intimate moment with Claire.

The next flashback cuts are all footage of Claire; drawings of her, old photos, and beauty shots. There is finally a flashback of Mikey talking about Claire mixed in, followed by more shots of Claire. After that, more shots of his family with Claire mixed in at random intervals. Throughout all of this, Strange Currencies plays with the audio distorted and words reversed. Until...

Strange Currencies begins to play as normal when the flashback of Sydney plays. Specifically the lyrics "These words, You will be mine, These words, You will be mine, All the time."

In the middle of this verse, after a shot of Carmy calming down, we immediately cut to Syd.

Then, on her: "The fool may be my middle name, But I'd be foolish, not to say."

After this lyric, the song fades out and we cut to a scene with Carm and Sugar.

I think there's a difference in the one audible verse during the Carm+Claire scene being one invalidating the romantic tone of the song, and the one that pays with Carm+Syd cutting off before the cracks in the romantic message of the song become apparent.

But I'm still not entirely convinced this song is really meant to be read as a true romantic one. Which is actually fine, since so far in my research I've already found a good amount of actual romantic songs used for Syd and Carmy anyway? This whole song just has very strong red herring vibes to me.

I'll be continuing these song analysis posts, and hopefully more frequently after I'm done with finals. Let me know your thoughts on this one.

[jellysxtarr]

Explaining and (hopefully) proving Melanie Martinez is a bad person in general and shouldn't get supported !!

I want to start off strong and say that no, I don't support Timothy's actions and they shouldn't get justified for the things she has done. Want I do want, is for Timothy and other victims to get justice on their SA case or other. (SA is not a joke, believe the victims!!)

This post has multiple sections and will cover (almost) everything from top to bottom, take some of my words with a grain of salt as they took me months to find and even provide. Of course, if you do have any more information I couldn't find myself, I will look into it once mentioned and update this post eventually.

1. NFT's

This was pretty well known if I remember correctly, Melanie sold NFTs featuring a crying elephant, a duck looking into a mirror, a claustrophobic teddy bear and a flying cow that was..well, lactating. (Oddly it seemed sexual too which is yikes!!)

Those NFT's still exists and can be viewed right here.

The only reason I'm mentioning this is to bring it back up again, even with how minimal is may seem to other allegations, it's best to bring up past behaviors and what not.

NFT's are bad, they're harmful for the environment, buying, creating or even selling NFT's can cause pollution or e-waste, they're unnecessary.

2. CP (Child Porn)

This allegation has recently been outed, Melanie has been doing CP with none other than her own character Crybaby. I have seen that others made fun of it too (which honestly, isn't funny! Don't make jokes about child porn even if it's a fictional character!! Most things that happen in fiction happen often in reality).

Melanie has posted a "work in progress" drawing featuring her character topless, A CHILD, topless. Drawing a child (Crybaby) even if it's a fictional character (albeit, it also did count has Melanie's weird persona) anything of a child drawn sexually can legally count as CP, which is absolutely disgusting.

I would mention the coloring book too, but as I didn't see all the pages I shouldn't comment on it much. But from what I have seen, it's worth to mention it in this section too.

3. Pedophilia

A strong word but it's worth to mention. I'm sure Melanie's theme about "infants, children" and whatnot are obvious. Those childlike songs with a undertone of sexual stuff can be easy to ignore if you don't listen to the lyrics.

Melanie Martinez's whole theme revolves about her character, Crybaby, who goes through stages of life while growing up featured with sexual stuff. I want to still mention that Crybaby is a CHILD. It's unnecessary of Melanie Martinez to make a child appeal sexually even (cough, Pacify Her music video, Training Wheels lyrics and music video).

Another thing I wanna mention is K-12, a movie and album once again revolving about children. The movie was bad (and, if I remember correctly, even she worked with a pedophile on set while aware which is a big yikes!!), as far as I saw, everybody has seen that the "Teacher's Pet" song and scene was unnecessary to add (considering the character was also nude in that scene, it's once again CP).

While the characters don't have a specific age, they're in high school!! HIGH SCHOOL, they're still children for crying out loud.

In short, Melanie has shown pedophilic behavior in albums and songs.

4. Bad Treatment towards friends and Co-workers

While it isn't as, "well known" per say, it has been said by Gina Frey (i deeply apologize for the bad quality in that image! Finding this was very difficult and I can't seem to find one with one that was more readable) who was friends with Melanie back then has said she dealt with Melanie Martinez's awful behavior and treatment towards her, I want to add that Allison Balchi had shortly mentioned she didn't get the best treatment either.

Stella Rose (she will once again be mentioned in a different section) also appears to be on the same boat as Gina Frey And Allison Balchi.

While I am not sure with what exactly has also happened with the artist of the Crybaby coloring book, the artist has mentioned that they don't want to do anything with Melanie anymore and won't return to her either (from my choice, it was best to add it here since the artist not wanting to do anything with Melanie anymore can count here).

5. Rapist Allegations

Before you go and mention "well!! Innocent until proven guilty!!!" This won't work, it's GUILTY until proven innocent. If you were brought to court you would not even be near innocent but counted as guilty.

I think we all know this has resurfaced (and thank God it did! This allegation is not a joke do NOT shove it aside), but it's also obvious which side people are on.

Timothy Heller has returned to the internet to speak about her SA case once again, while negativity has returned, a fair share took Timothy's words seriously and drove away from Melanie. Even with the mention of it being "debunked, Timothy lied Melanie innocent yippie!!" That is false.

Timothy didn't lie, Melanie has out right stated that it did happen, too.

A lack of no doesn't mean yes. And, even with some extra words added, she never said no stands out the most. Melanie made two tweets, one admitting the situation and the other THANKING her fans for bullying Timothy off the internet. How do you people not see anything wrong with that??

"Timothy got the dates mixed up!! Oh and the pictures don't add up either!!" I will be blunt and say victims of SA wouldn't remember the dates, that would be the LAST thing a victim would care about. And about the pictures, Timothy's gallery was bugging out, someone else who had the same type of phone Timothy had said that they had also have something like that happen.

Some screenshots about messages Timothy had sent were fake, edited, made up by Melanie's dickriders to silence Timothy.

Allegedly, when Timothy first said her statement about Melanie back then, one of Melanie's fans hacked her account, changed everything around it and left it with a laugh. Which should also say enough about Melanie's fans.

But Timothy wasn't the only one, Madeleine Carina and Stella Rose have also said something when Timothy spoke up about her situation, which by surprise got ignored as Timothy was at the center of everyone's attention.

I want to say on Madeleine's statement that she was peer pressured into saying yes to sleeping with Melanie, which is once again, NOT consented.

Getting pressured to say yes even if you DON'T want to COUNTS as a form of sexual assault and it flies over everybody's heads. I hope the victims get justice, it's sad to see that millions of people would rather believe a potential rapist (with oh so many allegations on her back already) than a potential victim.

I want to once again say, believe the victims! It's scummy of people to be well aware and still brush it off when it's right in front of their face (and seeing how people on TikTok act with wanting Melanie to rape them instead is fucking repulsing).

Melanie isn't a great person, her silence on the current situation says a lot, even going as far to ignore them. I hope this is her fucking down fall cause she honestly had it coming, she does not deserve her fame.

[foxes-that-run]

Cardigan

Cardigan is a response to Falling, it was written 2 months after the Falling video was released. The videos have Haylor references. Falling is Harry is worried his muse will never need him again. Cardigan is assuring him their muse-friend-situationship is OK. The voice note has different lyrics:

Living in a gold age Sneak into my birdcage Laughing like a damn fool Breaking every damn rule Peter leaving Wendy The Dancing in your Levi’s line was in place of leaving like a father I knew you’d linger like a stolen kiss I knew I’d wish you’d have changed your mind I knew the love would be for me to loose my mind

The original lyrics also have even more Haylor references:

Living in a gold age and sneak into my birdcage, I wish this stayed. Taylor has a birdcage in her Nashville apartment, Harry got a birdcage tattoo. See theme of gilded cages of fame and love.

Laughing like a damn fool, breaking every rule reminds me of Begin Again where he was "Laughing like a little kid" Harry also referenced Begin Again in the Falling Video.

Peter left Wendy rather than lost Wendy, such an interesting change when Taylor said she ended it in the 1989 Vault.

Stolen kiss is in Blank Space (Stolen kisses, pretty lies) and reminds me of Stolen Stares in Illicit Affairs

Finally links to I Wish you Would and Wonderland!

Taylor also provided foot notes for Cardigan, I have screenshots of more in the video post, in part say:

There's a collection of three songs I refer to as The Teenage Love Triangle (in my head). These three songs explore a summer love triangle from all three peoples perspectives at different times in their lives. It's like this one event happened in their town and it affected them each differently.

In the Long Pond Sessions, it is Betty's POV. Taylor said Betty winds up with James, 'but he really put her through it'. In the footnotes she also says she was "inspired by the feeling of isolation and how it can be freeing or terrifying and how it causes you to reminisce on the past." Indeed, we noticed. While all 3 of the triangle songs draw inspiration from HS/TS, Cardigan does so the most heavily.

Lyrics

[Verse 1] Vintage tee, brand new phone High heels on cobblestones When you are young, they assume you know nothing Sequin smile, black lipstick Sensual politics When you are young, they assume you know nothing

The first verse sets a scene, which is very 1989-esq, cobblestones is either in New York or London, Harry wears a lot of vintage tees.

Sensual politics is a reference to the themes Taylor explored in Slut. Coupled with when you are young, confirms this song is in reference to Harry.

To me, sequin smile, black lipstick could be taken as a scene setter. I think it is directed at Harry in a few ways though:

In IDWLF Taylor was so taken with her glitter lip got it's own BTS where Taylor mentioned runway (Only Angel).

IDWLF is Haylor, it's with Zayn about losing the love of your life and not wanting to end up alone.

and Black lipstick reminds me of Reputation. In he refers to the Rep Aesthetic Little Freak and dreams.

[Chorus] But I knew you Dancin' in your Levi's Drunk under a streetlight, I I knew you Hand under my sweatshirt Baby, kiss it better, I

Dancin in your Levi's reminds both of Maroon's "Dancing in New York, No Shoes" where Harry is wearing black jeans, and Delicate's "Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you"

The chorus retells of the fun they had, it shows their chemistry and slightly messy nighttime antics.

[Refrain] And when I felt like I was an old cardigan Under someone's bed You put me on and said I was your favorite

I love this refrain, I love it so much, great imagery and so warm. It alo recalls Taylor feeling seen by Harry in dark times:

Delicate "This ain't for the best / My reputation's never been worse, so / You must like me for me", and

High Infidelity - Do you really wanna know where I was April 29th? /Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes? / Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?

Here Taylor is returning the favor, with saying how important their connection is.

[Verse 2] A friend to all is a friend to none Chase two girls, lose the one When you are young, they assume you know nothing

A friend to all was a common criticism laid on Taylor when the squad fell out of favor, I find it interesting here. Taylor directly refers to the events of Falling, though it's of note that in Cruel Summer she also had another beau.

To me the refrain of when you are young is referred to how young they were when they first dated, now around 30 they have held onto this connection.

[Chorus] But I knew you Playing hide-and-seek and Giving me your weekends, I I knew you Your heartbeat on the High Line Once in twenty lifetimes, I

Hide-and-seen reminds us of I Know Places “'Cause I, I know places we can hide”

When they dated, Harry and Taylor travelled to be together, during 1D days Harry would sometimes fly a day late to spend more time with Taylor. Weekends are also mentioned in Now That We Don’t Talk: “What do you tell your friends we shared dinners, long weekends with?” And It’s Nice To Have A Friend: “Feels like home, stay in bed the whole weekend.”

Heartbeat on the high line is a reference to New York, where they spent time together

Once in 20 lifetimes, refers to how rare it is to find someone so special and 20 (13+7) is in many Haylor songs.

[Bridge] To kiss in cars and downtown bars Was all we needed You drew stars around my scars But now I'm bleedin'

Kissing in cars is a reference to the theme of driving. Kissing in bars is similar to Delicate’s “Dive bar on the East Side, where you at? /Phone lights up my nightstand in the black /Come here; you can meet me in the back”

Two Ghosts has a similar line “Moon dances over your good side /And this was all we used to need”

You drew star around my scars but now bleedin’ means to me that HS helped her turn her scars into a good thing, helped her feel better. But now they are apart she is bleeding. There are a number of bleeding as feelings lyrics in: The 1 (never bleed never grow) Olivia (bleeding love), Cruel Summer (If I bleed you'll be the last to know) and Woman (you’re making me bleed). I feel like the bleeding is also connected to the War metaphor Taylor uses.

[Chorus] 'Cause I knew you Steppin' on the last train Marked me like a bloodstain, I I knew you Tried to change the ending Peter losing Wendy, I I knew you Leavin' like a father Running like water, I And when you are young, they assume you know nothing

The last train is a Lyric (I stood right by the tracks / Your face in a locket) from Sad, Beautiful, Tragic on Red. Which was written in late 2011, the title is in the Video Footnotes.

To me bloodstain is a reference to This Love "This love left a permanent mark". In October 2023, a Harry Styles leak California, which refers to being in COVID lockdown in LA and kitten scratches included the lyric "Oh, it's you who left a mark on me"

Peter loosing Wendy, I love this lyric, it's brings imagery of them being young magical one of a kind people meant for each other but not being. A perfect new couple metaphor for them, and one I prefer to Burton/Taylor Mitchell/Nash (Can they've also used.

I find the leaving like a father line so sad, this reminds me of Seven.

[Verse 3] But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs The smell of smoke would hang around this long 'Cause I knew everything when I was young I knew I'd curse you for the longest time Chasin' shadows in the grocery line I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired And you'd be standin' in my front porch light And I knew you'd come back to me You'd come back to me And you'd come back to me And you'd come back

Tattoo kiss is the final line, (stolen being in the voice note). This reminds me of the mentions of marks and of course tattoos. It also reminds me of the Golden Tattoo in Dress..

The smell of smoke reminds us of “Slut!”: "Adorned with smoke on my clothes, lovelorn and nobody knows"

When the thrill expired reminds us of Question…?: Did you leave her house in the middle of the night? Did you wish you put up more of a fight?

Standing in my front porch reminds us of I wish you would, HYGTG

Come back to me reminds us of another Haylor Red song, Come Back, Be Here.

[atiny-for-life]

Xikers Full Storyline Explained - Part 1

Masterlist

Rockstar

We're kicking off on a shot of a dark modern city only interrupted by a beam of light reaching down into the center between the clusters of skyscrapers

While we're initially focused on Minjae, we're quick to find out that more beams are popping up and they're shining right down on all 10 members spread across the city - they're the chosen ones, but chosen for what?

At the moment, all of Xikers are still in school and they seem to be attending the same one

We find Seeun alone in a class room with a tattoo on the side of his neck - "777-E-7" - throughout the course of the video, we'll see that each member has their own tattoo and they're all different - they were presumably labeled by the school for the company Namoo, so they could be easily assigned their Coordinate Ball (learn more about this here)

Going by the lyrics, we're dealing with a bunch of little rebels who don't care for school rules - they dress messily, show attitude when they so please and really just wanna have fun, and their rebellious attitude is exactly what gets them chosen by TRICKY, the powerful being which will soon give them their powers...

They also use the phrase "Ullaeli Kkollaeli" which is both "a Korean word that is used when you’re teasing or making fun of someone" (source) and the title of a song by 1Team, a now disbanded group with two former members that had participated in MIXNINE - the same survival show four of Ateez's eight members had participated in (I just thought that was interesting since Hongjoong worked on the full album as writer, composer and arranger)

Throughout the following shots, the world around them begins to change - graffiti appears and begins to move and spread, becoming animated

Note that its all kept in white and blue, just as the wisps were in Tricky House which was released prior but follows this one in terms of chronology

Going frame-by-frame, we can also catch a little easter egg as Jinsik is taking in the warped reality spreading around him: a promo for Tricky House

They sing about feeling free, having their worries disappear, being reborn and behind Seeun, the first blue and white goblin flames appear, once again heavily reminiscent of the spirit wisps we saw in Tricky House - an omen for the appearance of dokkaebi

The fire billows up from the chalkboard drawing of an eye - a shape we have seen and continue to see a lot throughout the course of this MV

And indeed, the spirits enter the scene shortly after as Xikers perform in what seems to be an abandoned warehouse

They circle them, crowding ever closer and speeding up until they've formed a full on storm

In its center, Hunter captures one of the wisps in his fist; it begins to glow - presumably, the other members did the same

This is them being chosen as the key players in TRICKY's newest game (see: The TRICKY's Secret, or for a more detailed explanation: Bonus 1 - TRICKY)

In the next verse, the lyrics shift from the present to their dreams for the future: getting attention, making it big in the music industry, feeling comfortable with being the center of attention, aiming for the stars

The spirits follow each of them individually as they move separately but the wisps shift from a more comic book style to the familiar blue fiery look as Xikers come back together and leap through the air in this gorgeous shot

As they perform in a large empty building with gray tile floors and glass walls and ceiling, another storm begins to brew and is quick to encase them fully

The lyrics shift to a darker, more vulnerable tone: "The scars I buried in my heart / And the past I hid / Can't kill me, can't stop me / Play the music louder"

Caught in the eye of the storm, they all begin to look up

Looking down at them is a blue iris, its pupil slitted like a cat's or snake's, likely belonging to Tricky who has chosen them to host these spirits as means of keeping him entertained for the foreseeable future

They've now become the key players in a planet-sized board game.

We get a close up of Hunter's eyes as the blue fire brims and overflows behind them - the spirit has become a part of him and the other members - their fates have now been sealed

[butterscotch-goat]

guys.please, I am begging you- "inspiration" is not the same as "heavy reference"

Inspiration = thing you saw that makes you wanna make a thing

This can be a lyric from a song making you think of a scene you wanna write, seeing an animatic and wanting to make your own animatic like it, seeing someone's OC and wanting to find a way to pick colors like they do, overhearing a conversation that gives you a spark to add some aspect to your character, seeing a pretty flower and adding the flower to a drawing, etc. very loose

heavy reference = choosing one thing to make something similar to it specifically. This can be seeing a photo and using the same composition, pose, colors, etc in a drawing. You're intentionally using one thing as a reference and copying a lot. (This doesn't have to be bad or plagiarism!!)

So you can't ask people to "not take inspiration" from your art because inspiration is found ANYWHERE and EVERYWHERE. "Taking inspiration" is not copying, the "spark" vs the final product are often very different. What you CAN do is tell people not to heavily reference your art, because of they do, that would be copying.

No shade to you if you've had to tell people not to take inspiration from your art because that person thinks "inspiration" = copying, that person is just annoying.

thank you

[poppletonink]

The Marauders Era as songs by Conan Gray

Heather is ATYD Remus to Sirius (while he was with Mary) and about how much he hates himself for liking Sirius, who at the time he was convinced was straight.

Family Line is about the Black Family - specifically from Sirius or Regulus' perspective. There are so many lines that leave this impression upon me, however the main part of the song that draws me to this conclusion is the bridge: "All that I did to try to undo it, all of my pain and all your excuses. I was a kid, but I wasn't clueless. (Someone who loves you wouldn't do this) All of my past, I tried to erase it. But now I see, would I even change it? Might share a face and share a last name but (We are not the same, same)".

Fight or Flight is either an ATYD wolfstar song or a jegulus song ("I'd rather die than have to cry in front of you" feels like something Remus would say to Sirius, and "I'd rather lie than tell you I'm love with you" is Regulus to James).

Comfort Crowd is a Remus Lupin song; specifically about how he bottles up his emotions until he reaches breaking point, and how being around his friends (i.e. Lily and the Marauders) gives him comfort because for a while he forgets about the things that make him different to everyone else - such as being a werewolf.

The Story feels like a canonically accurate telling of the Marauders Era (not that anyone in this fandom takes any notice of staying with canonical boundaries). It tells the story of jily and wolfstar from a canonical standpoint, and it is quite frankly heartbreaking.

Wish You Were Sober is ATYD wolfstar once again (specifically during 'Fifth Year: Sweet Sixteen' or 'Fourth Year: March'). 'Fourth Year: March' because whilst drunk tells Remus "But you, like… are , magic, y’know?" This instance is reminiscent of the line, "Real sweet, but I wish you were sober". 'Fifth Year: Sweet Sixteen' because they had their first kiss at Remus' birthday party, after both of them had had a few drinks; this scene is wholeheartedly summed up by this song.

Memories and Astronomy are both about jegulus. Memories is purely a jegulus song for the second pre-chorus: "So, there's no good reason in make believin' that we could ever exist again. I can't be your friend, can't be your lover. Can't be the reason we hold back each other from falling in love, with somebody other than me." This part of the song is most definitely Regulus to James - having doubts about their relationship and feeling afraid that he is holding James back from being with Lily. Astronomy is most definitely a jegulus song for numerous reasons, two being that Regulus is named after stars and many of the lyrics describe them and their relationship (i.e. "As much as it seems like you own my heart, it's astronomy, we're two worlds apart").

Crush Culture is ATYD Remus during the Great Snogging Race. Remus didn't know that he was gay at the time and therefore could not place why he wasn't interested in kissing girls like Sirius and James were. This is encapsulated by a few lines from the song - "I don't want your sympathy, all this love is suffocating, just let me be sad and lonely" and "Crush culture makes me wanna spill my guts out".

[alangdorf]

So uhhhhh I tripped and started working on that animatic. PMV? I think it’s technically a little closer to a PMV (the first four frames, which I haven’t drawn yet, are entirely different scenes from one another, and ideally I’d like to do full color, probably flat rather than shaded to save time & I’m having problems with my shading process rn anyway) but it’s kinda straddling the fence. Under the cut since it’s a looping gif with sort of flashing images and I don’t wanna just put that on ppl’s dashes

I probably won’t keep the current coloring (these are the planned background colors for each frame at 50% opacity), but I really like it, and this is a good stopping point for now, so I wanted to share! Also here’s a write-up of my plans for this:

This does indeed go along with the lead up to the first chorus of Oh No! by Marina and the Diamonds. There are five repeats of the lyrics “I just wanna change”; the first four frames (not pictured) each hit on the word “change” of the first four repeats, and then these last seven frames sync up with the last repeat. Frames 1-4 frames each show Magolor from behind and go backwards chronologically while zooming out. 5-11 zoom in, and cover his boss fight phases followed by a transformation from upset baby doomer to normal RtDL Mags. Subject matter of each frame is as follows:

1. (Unhooded) Hyness fight (I already know what gijinka-ish Hyness looks like but drawing him is gonna be hard lol)

2. Shoppekeeper Magolor (w gem apple tree in bg)

3. Post Rampaging Doomers fight

4. Post Landia fight about to put on the crown

5. Traitor Magolor

6. 2nd phase (base game)

7. RtDLdx True Arena Magolor Soul (extra phase)

8. Baby doomer

9-11. Extremely Normal RtDL Magolor

[chocolix76]

The poll has spoken! Here's the link to the playlist for Anima Sola, and if you wanna read my very undercooked explanations of why the songs are in the playlist, it's under the cut! (Please excuse the amount of Poor Man's Poison- their music fits the AU very well)

Murders - Honestly, I don't think the lyrical content fits the AU. I just think that the vibes of the song fit well in general

The Mind Electric - This song right here gives me a vivid image of an animation in my mind that takes the AU from beginning to end and just fits the AU as a whole. Different parts of the song I can see going to different characters.

"Father your honor, may I explain? My brain has claimed its glory over me. I've a good heart albeit insane. Condemn him to the infirmary" Being for Sun

"All mine towers crumble down the flowers gasping under rubble Shrieking in the hall of lull, thy genius saves a thirst for trouble" Being for Bloodmoon

"Scattering sparks of thought energy Deliver me and carry me away" For Lunar. Sorry I love this song

Feed the Machine - This one also fits the AU perfectly, especially the chorus. The first part of the song being for Eclipse, the second part of the song being for Moon. The "we're all gonna die" part gives me a very strong mental image that I would love to draw if I wasn't a beginning artist

Sleepwalk - Lunar. This is Lunar. I can't elaborate anymore. Lunar, that's all I'll say

Lonely King - I think we all know who this is for... But yeah this describes Eclipse pretty much perfectly, I'll let the song talk for itself

Hell's Comin' With Me - I hate that this song fits both Moon and Eclipse perfectly, depending on how I think about it. Also after the popular part of the song, I'm imagining a scene very fondly that will come towards the end of the story but I can't give any spoilers. If I did, it would give away the entire story

Providence - This is 100% a song that describes Sun's initial reaction to Moon. Why? We'll see. "We've met your kind before" being specifically how Sun would feel towards Moon because...well...it's already been hinted at a bit in the story so far.

Let's Go! - I'm honestly not sure why I added this to the playlist. The first few lines would be how the servants would describe Eclipse, but I feel like the rest of the song has Bloodmoon vibes for a reason I can't quite put my finger on

Sometimes - Also not very sure why I added this one. It's the vibes. It gives Sun vibes

Thermodynamic Lawyer - This isn't at all in the playlist to represent Eclipse's hatred and anger towards the old versions of his servants. Not at all (it is).

You're Not Welcome - I can't really go into more detail about this and I think I'll let the song speak for itself, but I added this because it's definitely a song that represents Eclipse's feelings towards Moon

[vsnotresponding]

🖊️+ Lyric (it’s been a while 🥺)

Absolutely will not be normal about this. I refuse.

🖊️+ Karma (workaholic train wreck I <3 you)

🖊️+ Sher (dunno if u can tell but I’m a sucker for manipulative characters. I’m just mmm the tension. Explain to me why you being so problematic plz and thank u)

🖊️+ Ira (my queen. Protect ur people girlie)

🖊️+ garavan (did I spell that right??? I wanna know more)

thanks for the ask <3 also long ass post 1k worth of stuff + art

at least i had the decency of sending multiple asks so tumblr wouldn't break with your answers /j

LYRIC

you are right it's been so long, but because i'm actively working on púlsar i don't talk much about UP even tho i do draw them

okay so, for lyric im sharing his literal origin story, as well as some facts about the man and some drawings i like of him.

first some facts:

he's pan and a flirt

in the college au he needs glasses to read

his flower is lycoris radiata (got it from this video, minute 3:35)

origin story:

so i had been toying with the concept of a character named lyric which lived through multiple déjà vus. and he died too. one day (on a plane to ireland with school) i drew this guy:

[who are you? I like you btw 25.02.19] [molt decent 25.04.19]

and i went "oh he's cool i like him". then, like two months later i was drawing ely and i got a revelation:

"lyric & ely belong 2 the same story. ely is the one thing that's different at his new life" which is INSANE of my brain to think about because ely is a character from 2017 i drew ONCE. and now here we are

and then i drew him for the first time, and then in a scene with ely <;3 (and then killing a monster but im not showing it because i didn't know how to draw profiles and it shows)

*trying very hard not to cringe at old art*

and here's some lyrics that i like:

redraw of the og lyric and ely scene // redraw of the redraw // lyric screaming at ely// I like his hair here // redraw of the og lyric fighting lost souls

college au lyric dabbing wearing a behold a pan shirt // first page of a sketchbook// tiny lyric from the afterlife comic look at him so tiny // lyric from a series of drawings I made with my OCs and their flags

where is your rider scene (inspired by the song by the oh hellos)

tiny lyric and akira from the comic based on the song Elsa's song from the amazing devil

and also the most gorgeous man i'll ever draw (from a piece called bring him back) for you to be very normal about (im very normal about this drawing of lyric sooooo normal):

KARMA

i find it hard to say things about karma because with his pov we learn most of the relevant stuff. so you are getting fun facts and a sad fact

first the fun:

in the modern aus he's legally blind. round golden rimmed glasses.

his plushy (you'll meet him in today's chapter i believe) is called jhai

his name comes from me hearing someone call their dog karma and going "oh that can be a name cool im using it" (the other dog was called kraken)

he's the character that has gone through the most extreme character design change of the bunch (mainly because everyone else didn't exist). but he was more of a black sheep of the family cool dude that could use guns (yes there were guns in púlsar early stages idk either). his hair was also auburn. and then idk what happened but i changed it to the mess he's now. very glad i did i love him

and now the sad. check tags for tw because oof:

so, my man is very depressed. his mom's death hit him hard and it was all in general a terrible time for him (also it was around his bday. this was totally unintentional i swear)

on the early days and in spite of the promise he made, he climbed onto his windowsill and thought about jumping. everything was just too much. fortunately, someone knocked on his door and scared him, he slipped backwards and fell to the floor. he hasn't told this to anyone and doesn't intend to, but even if that's two months before púlsar, that's basically the mental state he starts with

and stealing your phrase, spoiler for flavor: he doesn't end púlsar much better

SHER

i can't tell you much. but what i CAN do is show you some baby sher and karma being cute together so you are extra sad about today's púlsar chapter:

"baaaa" "will you stop pulling my hair?" // "mom look he's walking" (chasing a bird) & it's cut but it says "he's so tiny" // sher teaching karma how to read

sher being told he has to leave his mom's home "do i really need to leave?" and it's cut but it says "you need to learn to be a prince with your dad" // sher at the palace // sher and karma's plushy lions

also as a fun(?) fact, he was very close to his uncle (his mother's younger brother). he was a big support for him when he moved to the palace away from his mom, and acted as a shield (or as much as he could) between him and his father. the uncle's name is Ádil.

he was married to Orga (one of the members of the council, arranged marriage), and died shortly after karma moved to the palace (sher was around 16 by then, and for reference, he's 23 now). sher suspects that his uncle's death wasn't fully natural, but he still has to be nice to orga because she's powerful.

ádil was one of the few people in the council that openly opposed the shahin. go figures i wonder what happened there.

IRA

so i already answered an ask for her here, basically a love letter to her character i love her so much.

so you get old ira sketches being happy and free (and chaotic):

GARAVAN GARVAN

you did in fact not write that properly, but that's actually great because it gives a segue into a fun fact about him!

i affectionately call him gman and mostly all my notes refer to him as that. also, once my phone autocorrected his name to garbanzo (chick pea). bean (a nickname for a character from púlsar gen 2) calls him that (ira did totally not correct her when she started doing it because she thought it was 1. funny and 2. that it would annoy garvan). also! karma sometimes calls him G

as a not so fun fact: he often needs to be the balancing component in the friend group, being silly and making jokes. he doesn't look like it, but he's very caring and does worry a lot about karma (not that karma notices lol).

his mom died in childbirth so it was emhi's mom that took care of him (until she too died shortly after). we don't talk about their father.

he was close with sher when they were younger (sher used to beat him at sparring), bonding over being clear aldamu and what it meant for them (sher taught him things about khithi culture that his mom taught him).

(i have so Many Thought about emhi garvan and sher as young teens in the palace, you have no idea, there's some clues sprinkled around púlsar about it but that's all you are officially getting)

man that was long

[koneko-pi]

@thoughtfullyrainynightmare tagged meee for posting ten songs on shuffle from a playlist! I dont have spotify, tho, so I've shuffled my Likes list on Youtube Music! And it is a LONG LIST. With a LOT of different songs. I feel like I'm about to embarrass myself.

1. Blue Rose, by Somo

I did think this would be a good song for Yami and Charlotte. Of course, because of the title and a line "wishing on a four leaf clover". I like the soft beat it has and use this for some of my softer moments i want to write or draw.

2. What lovers do, by Maroon 5

This is from waaaay down on the playlist i dont remember any significance it may have held for me or my ships XD i think it was one of those songs I tend to brainrot to or just play, as with my ADHD I'm always thinking all the time about things and music tends to help me focus.

3. Mgno, by Russell Dickerson

This is one of my feel-good songs. One you play to just get the good vibes and energetic feel to your day! Brings to mind dancing people, bouncing, running, and just having a good time!

4. Mikazuki, by Sayuri

I don't exactly remember why I've had this song? The beat sounds nice, and I can imagine some nice scenes to it. But it must have been way down on the list because I really cant remember much. I must have likes it just for the beat.

5. Choice Scarf, by Signal

This is another song that's a bouncy feel-good tune. These are probably some of my favorites. I have quite a few with this similar theme with the vibrating beats and not many lyrics.

6. September-San, by Radwimps

This link isn't the original song but a cover version I liked more. It's softer and more "cute" sounding with the two girls singing. It is Japanese because I'm a huge nerd. I really like a lot of Radwimps music too, they have made things for a lot of Anime Movies you've maybe seen, one of their more well-known ones being "weathering with you."

7. Used To, by Damper (damperghost)

I really like future bass (‘-‘*) its a music genre I find a lot of music i enjoy. I use it for a lot of things like writing, drawing or just playing casually in the BG

8. Nonsense speaker, by Nekobolo

This is a song I have held onto for a long time, and the lyrics may be triggering for people, so PLEASE LISTEN WITH CAUTION. Heavy themes of depression and more. This is a cover by Lollia and is an english translation. It has similar themes to a song called "rolling girl" which some people may know, i know it was kind of famous in some circles. I use this song as a kind of "theme" (one of many) for my Bleach Oc Sakurana, who did not have a happy and loving upbringing, and it affected through her whole life.

9. Karano Kokoro, by Anly

This song is one of the two I've picked to be an ending theme for Silver Season if it was animated. And would specifically display images of Briar and what her life was like before everything had gone bad; so playing with her sisters when they were little, visiting The Lorelai when she had the chance, and seeing the other fairies and who they were before things took a turn for the worst. There is a short English cover by Liz Robinett if you really wanna appreciate the lyrics and how they play in who Briar is and her development with Nozel.

10. Beautiful, by Treasure

And of COURSE OF ONE MY FAVORITE BLACK CLOVER SONG'S HAD TO MAKE AN APPERANCE. This is one of the ending themes for Black Clovers anime, the 13th one, to be specific. Listening to it play while watching the ending or an AMV someone made to it easily makes me emotional. I am a huge simp and can be brought to tears with this song and Everlasting Shine by Tomorrow X Together. If you haven't seen either, please click the links. The animation is so nice.

Anyone else is free to share their own music shuffle adventures! I wont be tagging anyone since i see everyone else already has been, have fun and thanks for listening!

[nerice]

alright. figure i'll make this post before im getting got by the sadness too hard,,, also bc it'll be past midnight by the time i'm done typing this up which will put it into proper anniversary territory so,, weird long crypost just bear with me i have 2 do this for myself ;;

i care ocs. if you know anything abt me it's probably that. im only alive bc of writing it's the only thing that makes life bearable and that's why i stick around. and in 2013, i happened to pick up art bc if i'm not gonna draw my ocs who will. that was five years into oc verse even if i didn't conceptualize it as such yet & alrdy a year into the profoundly normal era that continues to this day known as [still not calm abt sky plot] i cannot elaborate. if you know u know. enter the night. iykyk etc. i was not normal abt it when this song freshly delivered an entire new (and first proper,) au/canon divergence into my brain exactly 10 years ago >>>

& i have been extremely not normal wormed eeled yelling losing it etc every single hyperobsessed verb you can think of abt this story corner and this song for ten freaking years. baby me had only been drawing for a couple of months and was given an entire psychic vision for a lyricstuck/songdraw however u wanna call it in current vernacular. the full five minute song. i've written that corner ofc but just like the shape of tge is screenplay i know the shape of this has to be a full animation. im ngl with you when i say the main reason i have wanted to improve at art at any point was so i could animate this one day. nd i was content just drawing whatever i want and not slaving away at this project until i felt i could tackle it. and then 2022 happened and broke me and when i was in the hospital with that stupid ass heart issue i was terrified i'd die without ever seeing this through. and so i swore that after thesis, come november, i'd fully dedicate myself to art improvement so that for the 10yr anniversary in late september 2023 i'd have a version of it. even if it's sucky even if it's janky ofc it would never have been the full cinematic animation (not yet) rough animatic, even static lyric panels just set to the music, whatever. just have a version of it. it's what got me through thesis, in the end. and you know how this story ends

my wrist exploded (rsis what ever we are sticking with the meme)

tbh i was holding out hope until a few months ago. bc one evening in late 2020 [*holds a moment of wistful silence*] i got possessed and thumbnailed 80% of the thing (minus the 1min sequence of three different fight scenes. problem for future future me) so maybe if i just compiled those to the song n sketched over it doing one panel a day............. but it just wasn't possible. i have to rest my wrist and rushing thru a bad grief-sticken rendition of this project and probably ruining my wrist for good in the process just isn't worth it. so as nice as it would have been to have even the most rudimentary version to post on the 10 year anniversary of arguably the thing that changed my life and made me want to live and write and draw and improve forever, it's not happening. we are here and i cannot tell when i'll ever be able to draw again so all i can do is look through those thumbnails from 2020, and dream,,,,,

maybe 2024, boys. maybe 2024.......... time is fake & clean anniversaries are overrated anyways u,______,u

[uighean]

(shows up 3 weeks late to the tag game with an outdated meme)

tagged by @galacticlamps!!

Tea, coffee, or soda? tea!

Dogs or cats? cats! I do have a soft spot for giant female dogs that are actually terrified of everything (I've dogsat for two different dogs like this & I loved both dearly) but I could never actually own a dog

Can you play an instrument?  ougfdhjkhg I have. left my bagpipes to languish for a looong time now.

What’s your sun sign? pisces. I am a little fish guy & yet I still get terribly seasick

First song lyrics that came into your head?  I'd been listening to soundtrack music so nothing came to mind, so I kinda cheated & opened spotify to look at what I'd listened to last on there. so.

please tell me that you want me and exactly how tell me how you'll kiss me when I touch down I don't wanna be away yeah I wanna be found oh I want you now now now

Do you have any tattoos? nope! I'm way too scared of needles and idk what I'd get anyway

Favorite place you’ve travelled? hmm idk? the bay of fires is probably one of my favourite places in the world though. one time I was there at sunset with hardly anyone else around and I just sat in a shallow little inlet of water between some of the boulders for a while & I think that's the closest I've ever come to experiencing complete and utter peace

What’s the last movie you watched? oh that's a good question omg. it's been a while. pretty sure it was s čerty nejsou žerty?? it's the wound washing scene for me....................

What languages do you speak? unfortunately I am a monolingual english speaker 😔✌️ I'm learning scottish gaelic tho. would like to learn czech and ukrainian also. maybe icelandic.

Do you have any hobbies? video game......

I would definitely like to do horseriding again if I have the chance though, I miss it so much. & also I would like to try archery. and go back to rock climbing. I realise all of this makes me sound like a fantasy video game character and I am okay with that. and I would like to learn to draw!! but idk if I have the patience to stick with the learning curve gkdjf

You can hang out with one fictional character for an hour, who do you choose? ok if I can imagine that this fictional character is both real/accessible and has entirely accurate knowledge of their real-world historical context. I am tying jamie mccrimmon to a chair and making him tell me about all the aspects of 18th century highland society that haven't been well-preserved/documented. be my historical source boy

Compliment yourself: I accomplished Tasks today!! stumbling bloodied and bruised out of hecking. linkedin. but I did actually manage to update stuff so that's good.

tagging @ettelwenailinon @vimbry @penny-anna @carrionthird @meadowlarker @kiraistired and @p0stscripter!! no pressure tho <33

[soft1scream]

this moment made me write for something real, that i thought to myself— this moment didn't turn the pages over— it started the book. 

i like to think that there's no hell for those who never believed in heaven— i guess there is really something in those formative years. however, here i am fondling all the fury behind my poetic persona just because i ended up in a state of disbelief as i can no longer sneak yellow in a black canvas.. and so i'm writing because finishing the drawing is the only option. 

.. and i'm writing because i'm a stutter. 

where i am isn't something i dreamed of, as a spiritual cruiser, perhaps an easy rider. i want to do well with education, thus i’m graduating soon, yet, the thought of steering my own path from here on out is something only i see difficult accepting. i haven't emblazoned my strongest version yet. when standing, i'm a quarterback, when lying, i'm dreaming in paperback. still, i'm crossing the threshold, unsure of life over there, hoping— that day, i will have a home for all of my habitats and be able to choose horror rather than my usual habits. 

my younger self has always dreamt of going to a different city, away from this tropical— non smoking country, live life and not just watch myself survive and have fun and be young forever and be forever beautiful and be the once in my family's lifetime. i dream of something bigger than who i am, i dream in 15 stories high, or just to see skyline underwater. yes, i will keep scintillating in incandescent scenes just like how lyrical obscurity will forever just be enigma to machines. will i blossom like a rose in a garden full of weeds or could the smog end me like the ashes that have watched over my deeds? 

i am still forced to be the skeleton that helps them sleep better at night, that's why i search for pedestals of human to avoid the view from their height. however, im okay for everything that was done to me that we're part of the reason i am who i am today, either by shattering me then turning me more refined or by abandoning me.. but i'm really grateful for those people i met while trying to find the person i call 'myself' that didn't alter or hinder the reflection that followed me every step of the way. this year was built to be a castle in the air, to make me realize, i'm not the only person in this world, that the world doesn't revolve around my desires. that i dream for something bigger than who i am. i would love to see the world as marianne as the people around me. 

i contemplated a lot during the times i was able to do so, realizing.. i have said "realizing" too many times now for my liking. i'm not used to realizing, most of the time i just don't wanna know.. anyways.. i realized that people just don't believe any of my kindness. that because i'm usually strong, people don't believe me if i get weak. not even my family or friends. even the poems i write won't get used to the fact that i am not what i used to be. and i don't want to be misunderstood for feeling what i want to feel or for feeling what i don't want to feel. 

i believe that i am more than what i show— what i reveal. deeper than what i say or how i act or how i put emotions to every words. it's my nature to pretend like im strong, it acts as an alibi to hide the fact that i'm weak and vulnerable and sensitive and careful and sad and tragic and beautiful but no hope... and it's hard being a weak skeleton in a thick skin, always feeling unloved and wronged. which in the end, my fault. for showing everybody how a person with applaudable background with no applauses behaves. but it can never be my fault that in this house, i cannot feel happiness. can't feel sadness, anger, pity or hunger. and once i feel stressed, i will be justified. i may seem normal, but my life is difficult. i live in a terrible house, never experiencing home. i guess i'm nasty and evil, but if you've seen what i can still remember, you'll understand me. it's very unfortunate that the person who has the most potential to love was given a family who never believed in that stuff. 

 

sometimes, when i think about it and writing about it, i let my teardrops wet the paper because it's somehow giving me the satisfaction of having to get to feel any emotion— as if i'm watering the rose from my very own grave— but then again, water takes away the letters from the paper— leaving me with indelible mistakes that makes me want to just pantomime my feelings.  when i'm lonely— i feel alone— i lie in my bed, but it doesn't help as the bed's too wide for me, or that one bottle of pepsi is too much to drink. god, i wish i have always preferred thunder from the rain. 

i want to talk about how i love a man— which i never ever opened my mouth for. most of the time, i'm just in love with the idea that we're completely different from each other, which is the standard for most movies but never in a reality tv show. if i need some man to tell me i look pretty, my body is tiny, i'm his wallpaper or that he draw my face upside down black and white— sure i can easily get these words from men, but if i tell you, i want someone to give me 15 anniversaries, quiet when there's something wrong, and laughs when i'm overreacting and won't tell me that it's enough!. 

i'm really grateful for my friends who cured all the headaches i gave them. there's no greater feeling than being burnt out after spending the day with them. when i'm tired but i look back on times i was happy. the source of me laying down is also the source of what keeps me getting up. for them. for fun. 

tw: pissed 

if i won't be a superstar, i will be a writer or close to a storyteller, but it's difficult when people will constantly overlook me, waste my potential that's deep within me like i wasn't built to show them, they put my talent on somewhere it don't fit, and they take away the light in me when i know im so much better than all of them. i'm fuming to witness my talents misplaced, relegated to places where they fail to shine, and to endure the dimming of my light at the hands of individuals who fail to see my worth. do you know how patronizing it is for me to witness them show up in a funny smirk while i'm trying to find a place i belong.. to be beneath the skin of a writer, an actual escaper, a city light underwater.. do you know how patronizing it is to assume that i would somehow prefer tasks of lesser difficulty simply because you doubt my ability to handle more challenging ones. your assumption not only diminishes my potential but also undermines my confidence.. who the fuck do you think you are?.. to confine me within the boundaries of your narrow perception. do you know how discouraged i was when i showed there not to do anything good in their eyes then not be involved but then get credited after all? it's nice, thanks for the recognition, but it pains to realize that my efforts are overlooked until it's convenient to acknowledge them. do you know how discouraged i am these past few days, and when i'm discouraged, i bet i will think i'm quitting and i bet i'd feel like a loser. do you know how it pains me when writing turned out to be the only thing i'm good at and then feeling that i failed at the one thing i've ever tried.. just because there's someone who thinks they're a so much better writer than me. and i know, i have to bleed ink onto every page to prove that. do you know how embarrassing it is to claim to be a writer then read rather than write, or listen because i have weak attention span. my imagination doesn't run wild but if there's one thing about me, i know how to write. i think about all the failed attempts of my writing journals for a platform that follows a format. it's not my fault i am built not to fit in. they're not gonna judge me for the way i write or me as a writer. they can try but they won't make my words or letters so much better 

i'm a metaphor for those who once felt overlooked, misunderstood, and unlovable. i still have something to say, even now that i already wrote an eight pager. i'm a straightforward mouth with a pretty face. i'm a coffee for those who never drank coffee. strong at first, but will tell you to wake the fuck up. i believe that everyone should have a "france" in their life— this is reality, live in it. i always carry the burden of going home, and it's hard to carry the burden of staying the same. when i'm not hungry anymore, i'm leaving this country.  if i ever feel like writing again, trust me you will know— cause i'll be posting about it. 💋

[welcome-to-the-nunyverse]

Symphonies & Stories on Saturdays!

Where I take songs I heavily relate to GAC and discuss it.

This week’s song: Machine Learning by J. Maya!

A song about feeling programmed wrong, somehow. Growing up not particularly fitting in. And, as a result, having to try really hard to actually conform to what people around you want.

And this relates a lot to the backstory of Charlotte Clarke.

[ID Start

Image 1: Cropped digital drawing of my character, Charlotte - a 13-year-old with black skin, brown eyes, brown curly hair braided into cornrows leading up to puffs with different colored ends (red tips on viewer's left and blue tips on viewer's right), and thin body. she wears a magenta hoodie with a white outline of a butterfly. She grins and talks to someone off-screen.

Image 2: Digital drawing. In the forefront, Charlotte rests on a tree, back turned to the audience. She wears a light green sweater with light jeans & light green boots. She stares off at a school campus past a green field. In dark yellow lettering is the words "Maybe I'm just not friend material..."

ID End]

Like the Espositos, Charlotte has a gift and a curse. Unlike the Espositos, Charlotte actually interacted with society growing up. She mingled with normal people, and she did not fit in with them. From her curse to her unnaturally colored ends to her own personality quirks—she was an outcast. And she does not know how to “fix” herself to fit in better.

She grew up bullied and ostracized because of it, a social pariah.

And this relates a lot to this song! With lyrics such as the intro:

Don’t stare at them for too long

Laugh some, but not too much

And sing the words to that song

But only the chorus

If someone says they want you

Don't flinch, just let them touch

It doesn't really matter what you want

And bridges such as:

Make social calculations

Know when you're supposed to cry

Fake real communication

Rehearse your scripted lines

Is living a performance?

Depends how it's defined

Forget that all your friends don't have to try

And:

Be just what they expected

Don't come as a surprise

They might take you for granted

That's just a part of life

If you stick with the program

Maybe one day you'll be

More than a machine learning how to please

They’re lyrics that showcase programming to adhere to what people want, to fit in with the majority. Charlotte, her whole life, tries to adhere to the norm around her, because she hates this bubble of loneliness she has around herself. The problem is, however, that all these rules are hard for her. It’s less like she’s actually interacting with the world, but following a script in a play that everyone else seems to already know the lines for, while she just got them.

And then there’s the general chorus:

I know you wanna be yourself

Like everyone else

But you've always needed help

Memorize the manual

You're hopeless on your own

If you make it look natural

Then nobody will know

The story of the robot

Who knows they'll never be

More than a machine learning how to please

This just reiterates the point of her attempting to fit in. Throughout her elementary and middle school career, she has been inflicted with harsh treatment by her peers and teachers. She’s always punished by teachers for things outside of her control, bullied by her peers for those same things, and finally in 7th grade absolutely humiliated for it.

She tries so hard to prove her humanity to people that already put a label on her of what she is. She wants so badly to have a human connection with someone.

And that’s when the closing for the song comes in, where it’s a softer & slightly different version of the chorus beforehand:

Just memorize the manual

You're hopeless on your own

If you make it look natural

Then nobody will know

The story of the robot

Who had a secret dream

To be more than a machine, more than a machine

To this, I imagine it’s that beginning part of book 1 of Gifted and Cursed, the meeting scene of Wolfgang and Charlotte from Charlotte’s POV. Where she sees a chance of human connection with the new boy at school, someone who has no pre-existing opinion of her. It’s a new opportunity of what she’s always wanted: where she can prove her humanity to at least one person.

And that’s it for this analysis! See ya next Saturday :3

[honeypiehotchner]

intelligence & issues (Hotch x Fem!Reader) -- chapter twenty-two

I’m liking this two updates a week schedule because I hate leaving you guys hanging like that!! I hope this chapter makes it all better xx.

Oh btw the title of this chapter and last chapter are lyrics from “Hold On” by Chord Overstreet! (Also I know the gif is irrelevant but the ~emotion~ of it is relevant)

ALSO (wow I have a lot I keep forgetting to add) I meant to @ her last chapter, but all of these medical scenes and things were 100% done with the help of @thedumpsterqueen​ because I know next to nothing about all this stuff and she was an angel and let me ask all the crazy questions <333 (P.S. she has a Hotch fic called Standards of Performance on her blog that you guys should alllll read if you haven’t already!! It’s SO good it’s one of my favorites)

Warnings: angst and sadness, but that’s pretty much it

Previous chapter || Fic Masterlist

Chapter Twenty-Two: I can’t imagine a world with you gone

Everything is a blur in Hotch’s mind before and after the first gunshot rings through the air. He didn’t need to hear the buzzing in his ear to know it had hit you.

He took off at a sprint, as did the rest of the team.

His ears are ringing. His thoughts are racing. He’s never been a man who talks frequently to God, but he’s praying. Hoping you’re alive. Begging you to not be dead.

Aaron would never forgive himself if you died. As it stands, though, he won’t ever forgive himself for this.

Prentiss, Reid, and Rossi take off in one direction. Hotch and Morgan take the other. Police officers fill the gaps and follow behind, everyone searching for you and Savannah.

Morgan is the first to stumble on the room. His throat aches when he screams for Hotch, keeping his weapon aimed at Savannah.

“Put the gun down!” Morgan yells.

Hotch comes skidding to a stop in the doorway a second later, weapon raised, but his eyes are focused on you. Savannah’s boot is pressing into your thigh, blood oozing from your wound, soaking your pants, spilling onto the concrete. Hotch’s heart drops at the sight. He’s seen enough bullet wounds to know how much blood should come from them. That is too much.

The bullet must’ve hit the major artery. And the thought terrifies him.

Morgan takes the shot when Savannah refuses to move. It hits her stomach and she stumbles for a moment before falling. Morgan yells for the paramedics again, distantly thinking they should be in here by now.

Hotch falls to the ground beside you, his hands cupping your face, not caring who sees. His thumbs tap your cheeks, willing you to open your eyes. You have a pulse, but it’s weak. Weaker than what it should be.

He presses hard over your wound, hoping to slow the bleeding, but there’s more surrounding your leg than he wants to see.

“Y/N?” He says, his eyes watching your eyelids for any movement. He lets out a momentary sigh of relief when your eyes open. “Y/N, please, can you hear me?”

You stare back at him, no signs of his words registering in your eyes. They’re empty. Haunted, again, but for a different reason this time. This time it’s different. “Aaron…”

“I’m here,” Hotch says gently, pressing his hand harder, his heart breaking when you groan in pain. “I know,” he says, shushing you.

Your eyes travel around the room then, and Aaron follows. Morgan is pressing his hand over Savannah’s wound, speaking into his wrist, asking the others where the hell the paramedics are at.

But Aaron doesn’t want you to see that, so he cups your jaw again, turning your eyes back on him. He smiles as best he can, the tears beginning to spill from his eyes as he takes in your face.

“There’s my girl,” he says softly. “Keep holding on. They’re almost here.”

“Aaron,” you try to say, your voice low and strained, and Aaron shakes his head, trying to get you to stop talking. “Aaron...I don’t wanna go without-- I need to tell you that I--”

“Shhh,” he tries again, not wanting you to waste any energy. “You don’t need to.”

“I love you,” you finally get it out. And he’s stunned to complete silence and tears. “I love you so...so much. It hurts.”

“Y/N,” he says, panicked. Your eyes are closing. “Y/N! Come back, Y/N, come back to me. Y/N. Y/N, please.”

Hotch is too caught up in holding your face and keeping pressure on your wound to notice the paramedics have arrived. One team goes to Savannah, relieving Morgan, while the other comes to you, trying to usher Hotch away, but he doesn’t budge.  

“Hotch,” Morgan tugs on the unit chief, grabbing at his arms, his heart breaking for the both of you. “Hotch, you need to let them get to her.”

Reluctantly, Hotch backs up, clenching his bloodied fist, grimacing at the way your blood sticks his skin together.

Everything else is a blur.

What does it need to be clear for, anyway? If you’re not here?

+++

You’re still in surgery.

It’s been an hour. But it feels longer. It feels like it’s been an entire twenty-four hours.

The entire team has taken up camp in a waiting room at the hospital.

Reid is reading and rereading every magazine he can get his hands on to distract himself, never mind the fact that he reads them so fast that he rips a page on one from turning it so quickly. Morgan has Garcia on the phone and has left to get coffee at least three times, the first time returning with a tray of steaming cups and the next two times returning with only one, but two tearful eyes. Emily has been pacing and will wear a hole into the tile at this rate if she walks for another hour. JJ has been staring at the wall, chewing so hard on the inside of her cheek that she flinches when she draws blood.

Rossi has been staring at the wall, too, but mostly he’s been worrying about and watching Hotch.

Aaron has been biting his nails, tugging at his hair, angrily wiping away tears, and left once to go on a walk before returning two minutes later, asking if they had heard anything. Those two minutes had felt like two hours and he was worried sick for all 120 seconds that he missed something.

Dave hasn’t tried to say anything to Aaron, though he wants to. It’s heartbreaking to watch Aaron like this.

You’re going to pull through. Dave — and the rest of the team — can’t afford to think otherwise. And they refuse to think otherwise, unable to imagine what it would be like if you weren’t here.

But it seems like Aaron is thinking otherwise.

Truthfully, he is. But he’s thinking about so much more.

You love him. You love him. You love him.

And he was too stunned to say it back. The one chance he had, and it might be gone now. Ripped away. Forever.

He sent you in there. He did this to you. He had his reservations, but the call had already been made. You seemed so sure. You wanted to do this so badly. He didn’t want another fight about him not trusting you because it’s not about his trust for you, it’s about how terrified he was for you.

He’ll never forgive himself for this now. Not ever.

It’s a world he can’t even bear to imagine. One without you in it.

Yet here he is, grappling with the fact that he might not have to imagine it soon. He sent you in there. He knowingly put your life in danger. And now he’ll have to live with the consequences.

+++

Aaron is shaken from his trance by the doctor and a nurse coming in to inform the team that you’re out of surgery and that it went well.

But you’re in the ICU.

“She lost a great deal of blood,” the doctor says gravely. “But we think she’ll pull through. She just needs to be watched closely for the time being.”

Everyone nods silently, not sure of what else to say, other than feeling relief that you’re alive.

“Visiting hours are long over, so I recommend you all get some rest,” the nurse says. “She’s in good hands here.”

“Thank you,” Rossi replies.

The doctor excused himself, but the nurse stayed, offering to answer any extra questions. “Visiting hours start at seven a.m.,” she says first. “And in the ICU, only two visitors are allowed in her room at a time.” She doesn’t voice an apology, but one is in her tone as she glances between the six team members.

“Can I stay?” Hotch blurts out of nowhere. The team member’s heads all turn to look at him in surprise. “Can anyone stay the night, I mean.”

“Uh, yeah,” the nurse nods. “One person can.” Her eyebrows furrow sincerely. “Are you her dad?”

Morgan internalizes a snort.

“No,” Hotch replies kindly. “I’m not, but I’d like to stay. I’m her boss.”

Still the nurse looks skeptical. “Would she be okay with—”

“She’s his girlfriend,” Emily blurts out, tired of waiting. And when Hotch sends her a look, she says, “What? It would’ve taken you hours to say it.”

“Oh,” the nurse chuckles, embarrassed. “I’m so sorry. Yes, of course you can stay.”

Hotch lets a tiny smile shine through, but it’s not much. Truth is, he’s terrified to see you. But leaving you here alone – even if this is a hospital – terrifies him more.

The rest of the team says goodbye to head back to the hotel for some much-needed rest, if they can sleep at all. They know they’ll wake every couple hours to worry about you before sleep consumes them once more.

In the meantime, Hotch will be here to look after you for all of them. You’re like a little sister to the rest of them, even though Morgan is the only one to have voiced that. You’re loved here. Loved more than you’ll ever be able to comprehend.

You’re loved by Aaron much more than he’ll ever be able to articulate to you. But he’ll try. He’ll try to help you see.

+++

Hotch is finally walking to your room in the ICU after another half hour of waiting. The nurse said they had to get everything settled in your room before he could come back, which only made Hotch’s worry spike even more.

But eventually, he’s in your room with you. A pillow and blanket is in the chair by the window, but he’s not paying attention to it.

You. You’re asleep, of course, and probably will be for a few more hours. The nurse said you had already woken up once, but because of the pain medicine and the overall stress your body has been under in the past few hours, you fell back to sleep almost instantly.

Tears well in his eyes at the sight of you, laid up in the hospital bed, IVs and wires all over you. The beeping of the heart monitor is the only real sign to him that you’re even alive. Your chest is rising and falling, but it’s barely visible underneath the gown and blankets and wires.

You have one regular IV placed on the top of your left hand. Some other line is in your upper arm, and another in your wrist. He has no idea what they’re all for, he just knows he hates seeing you connected to so much.

Aaron wipes at his eyes angrily. Does he have a right to be this upset when he’s the one who sent you in there?

He turns and sets the pillow and blankets in the other chair, knowing he won’t sleep tonight even if he wanted to. Instead, he pulls the chair closer to your bed, where he can place his hand next to yours.

And, if you happen to wake up, you can reach for him if you need to.

+++

Three hours pass and you still haven’t woken up. Aaron knows. He’s been watching you the entire time.

The nurses have come to check on you a few times, assuring Aaron that it’s normal for you to be sleeping like this. But he just nods silently.

He wants you to wake up. Just for a minute. He needs you to just open your eyes and look at him, just once. That’s all he needs.

But it’s wishful thinking as the sky begins to lighten, showing the first signs of dawn.

Aaron links his pinky with yours, afraid to do much else and risk messing up your IV. Holding pinky fingers is enough right now. Or at least, it’ll have to be.

“I’m sorry,” he says out loud, to you, or really to no one at all, because he’s not even sure you can hear him. “I’m just so...sorry, Y/N.”

Stupid tears gather in his eyes again, clogging his throat, stopping his words.

But he keeps going.

“It’s my fault,” he says. “And I know you’ll try to convince me that it’s not, but Y/N, it is and I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I let this happen to you.”

He leans his head into the palm of his free hand, tightening his pinky finger’s grip on yours.

“I love you,” he blurts it out, tears warming his palm as they cascade down his cheeks. “I love you and I need you to wake up because I need you to hear it. I love you. I don’t think there’s ever been a day that I’ve known you that I haven’t loved you.”

He sniffles, loud and body-rattling, glad he’s alone in this room with you because he’d never let anyone else see him like this. No one but you.

“I tried to get it out before, but you were already gone, and I— You need to wake up. I need you to wake up. Please.”

Aaron keeps his eyes closed and head down for a few minutes longer. He doesn’t even see that you’ve opened your eyes.

Until your pinky finger gently squeezes his.

He lifts his head quickly, eyes wide and wild when he sees you’re looking back at him, eyes glassy with tears and exhaustion.

And just like that, just seeing your eyes open and looking right at him, the dam breaks once more. He’s a mess of tears when he leans his head down onto the bed. You lift your hand and thread your fingers through his hair, closing your eyes as more tears slip down your cheeks.

You scratch a soothing pattern on the base of his skull, moving your other hand over your body to hold onto his arm. He senses the movement and lifts his head, grabbing your hand and pressing it to his lips.

He’s not sure how long he stays there, all he knows is his back aches when he straightens up again, and you’ve fallen back asleep.

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