#i wanted to experience the big city but it was so scary and it still is and i miss the comforts of my hometown but it's not just me that

[perilegs]

being homesick and changing as a person so much the place you grew up in isn't your home anymore is such a core part of ati and upon further inspection i think i was projecting a little

[spencereidluver]

H is for Hold My Hand

october 31, 2008

summary:  You take a cocky, halloween loving Spencer to a haunted house for his first time. He underestimates how scary it actually is going to be, and ends up being taught a very valuable lesson.

word count: 1.1k

warnings: details of a haunted house. nothing  bad though

Spencer Reid was a big Halloween fan. He loved dressing up and going to haunted houses and eating candy. He was a kid at heart, maybe because he never truly had a childhood. 

This year, you decided to take him to a haunted house on the outside of town. It was an old abandoned house that had been boarded up and condemned for years. A few years back, a family bought it and renovated it, turning it into a movie style horror building. It was one of the top spots in the entirety of Quantico during the month of October.

You decided to take your horror-loving boyfriend there as not only a late birthday gift, but also as a way to celebrate halloween. Because let's be honest, two mid-twenty year olds trick or treating isn’t exactly socially acceptable. After going out for a semi-nice dinner, you and Spencer drove 17 miles east to visit the haunted house.

“You know, I’ve never actually been to a haunted house,” Spencer said to you. His eyes were focused on the road as he made gentle movements of the steering wheel with his left hand. His right hand rested on the midsection of your thigh, gripping ever so slightly.

“Really?” You said. You ran your fingers over his, following the bumps of his knuckles.

“Nope. I’ve always wanted to go but never had anyone to go with.”

“Well, now you do.” He smiled, turning his head and giving you a quick peck on the lips. It took Spencer a few weeks to get used to kissing you. For a while, he would ask every time. Last week, the two of you went to the theater on a date. As this was a silent audience, he didn’t want to interrupt. About half way through the show, you felt the buzz of your phone. “Can I kiss you?” a text from Spencer read. You couldn’t help but giggle out loud, which got you a few shushes. You didn’t mind too much, leaning over and giving him a big kiss. 

Kissing Spencer was something straight out of a romance novel. He had this certain way about him, he was always so passionate. The way his lips moved perfectly in sync with yours was something unpredictable. You always imagined him being a good kisser, with practice of course, but he’d clearly done research.

Spencer pulled into the parking lot of the destination. The owners of the house tore down the shed in the back to pave an area. It’s almost as if they know they’d be a city-wide success. 

It was still slightly light outside, the sun having yet to set. You wanted to wait until dark to go inside. You wanted Spencer’s first haunted house experience to be memorable. Of course, anything with him was memorable, however, you wanted to make this extra special for him. After all, Halloween was sort of his thing, and you were sort of his girl-thing. 

You grab Spencer’s hand and turn to look at him. “Hey,” you say, ensuring to keep your voice calm and steady, “I’m not saying you will, but if you do happen to get too scared, we can leave.”

“Y/n, I’m sure I’ll be fine,” he says. “I work for the damn FBI.”

“I know Spence, but this is different.” “Yeah. It’s fake.”

He really didn’t know what he was getting into.

“Yeah, it’s fake, but it almost makes it more scary. The people here can touch you, and it’s loud, and basically it’s all the stuff you hate grouped into one thing that you somehow love.”

“If it makes you feel better, I’ll tell you if I’m scared. But I’ll be fine, y/n.”

He was completely clueless. For one, you were going to prove him wrong. You just knew it. The two of you exit the car, meeting in the front and interlocking hands. Spencer rubs his thumb on the back of your palm and swings your arm back and forward with your steps. 

As you approached the steps to the house, Spencer’s hand began sweating. Yeah, he was nervous, but he’d never ever admit it. He liked to seem strong in front of you, though he’d be the first one to cry if he stepped on a bug. There was something so innocent about him. He just, he was different. 

_____

The line to get in was long, but it moved fast. The entryway to the house was filled with those fake spiderwebs. Those always made Spencer sneeze. The majority of your time in there was spent with Spencer’s arm over his mouth and you trying to convince the people ahead of you he wasn’t sick. 

As you approached the entrance to the basement- where the haunted house started- Spencer began to get giddy. He was so excited, like a kid in a candy store. Except he was a Spencer in a scary house that he was allergic to.

You enter the doorway to the steps that lead to the basement. Spencer trails behind you, walking a little slowly and paying careful attention to each spooky detail on the wall. He held a loose grip on your hand and let you lead him down the stairs. 

As you enter the actual attraction his grip tightens significantly. There was a coffin slightly ajar that had fake blood dripping out from the bottom. A plastic severed hand lay at the gape of the door. Spencer inched closer to you and hid his face in your hair. You silently laughed to yourself and continued walking forward.

As you continued through the basement, there was lots of fake blood and red stained sheets covering walls and pieces of furniture. They did a good job of creepifying this place. There was a fog machine plugged in somewhere, and from out of the fog popped a man draped head to toe in blood stained clothing. He jumped out in front of you and Spencer, screaming into your faces. He then ran back into the fog, knocking over a stack of ceramic plates causing a loud crash. Spencer jumped. Literally, jumped. He pressed his body into yours, attempting to hide behind you. You turn around to look at him.

“You sure you can handle this, Spence?” You ask him. “We can leave if you want to.”

“No, I’m fine. Can you just hold my hand?” He answers, looking into your eyes, almost as if he was too scared to grab your hand himself. You smile at him, taking his hand and dragging him to the next room and through the rest of the basement.

_____

next chapter: I is for "I Knew It!"

other parts: Spencer Reid A-Z Masterlist

view the masterlist in a calendar version! 

_____

a/n: hey guyyys sorry it's been a bit since the last chapter, i've been working a lot and had finals. i really hope i'm able to get back on the grind, but no promises. i hope you all are having a good holiday season! also, i would just like to say that chapter M is a christmas themed story, however it is non secular and celebrated for gifts with the team, not the birth of the christian god. i want to try to make all my stories inclusive to whomever and be able to read across all races and religions. have a wonderful night :)

_____

Have Recommendations? visit my recommendations page to submit your suggestion, no matter how big or small!

_____

taglist: @universallyblizzardlove @ms-ks-world @justlivinginadaydream @dij-ology @lotus-ignis @sammy-4103 @ktssstuff

@ada--44 @moongirl27 @monfleurr @shycreationdreamland @cultish-corner @ariianelle @iiheartbowie

@spencerreidismybitch @traderjoesmints @ivyflowers13 @hades-disappointment-child @aceofspades190 @taygrls @hookergutss

@random-3455 @nmw-am @bookworm124 @hizzielover @jem08 @cherrybowbabby @theofficialfunk

@hookergutss  @skylions-den @smalltownbeautyqueen @spencereidapologist @lunajay33 @novaeatsworld @pleasantwitchgarden

[contentloadingandstuff]

Nilou x Veteran!Warrior!Male!Reader

A/N: Here's something light and hopefully fun to read. Enjoy! CW: None.

When Nilou’s fans come up to her for autographs, they can’t help but cast worried glances at the man next to her. Despite officially being only a bodyguard, the warm smiles and kind looks you exchange with each other have made your love obvious to the people of Sumeru. Nobody mentions it in her, let alone your presence though - they know you’re not someone to be messed with. 

Nobody really knows where you fought, but your more-than-professional demeanor, your grizzled eyes, speaking of experience, make it more than obvious that you’ve seen your share. Your handling of weapons makes you a commanding presence - you hardly ever have to speak to make sure Nilou has as much space as she needs to feel comfortable. 

For your adorable lover, however, your presence is quite the opposite - you’re a guarantee of comfort and safety, and such a cute one at that! She finds it positively heartwarming how you compare to her. You’re a big, strong and scary guy while she’s a tiny and innocent girl. 

Nilou: Hey sweetie, can you… pick me up, please? Y/N: Hm? Oh, of course.  Nilou: W-whoah! Hehe~ It’s like in those fairytales, isn’t it?

You’re her knight in shining armor, and she’s your princess in need of keeping safe and sound. It always gets her heart racing when you remind her just how fragile and gentle she is - as a flower, needing strong hands to protect her from the cold winds. 

Speaking of digits, she really enjoys holding hands with you. Your hands, just like your whole person, are the precise opposites of her. They are big, rough, full of little scratches, scars and other wear-and-tear from your days of campaigns and fighting. They were and still are capable of feats of great strength and violence - she saw how tightly you grip the sword, just as she saw your enemies staggering under your blows. And yet, despite that, you are as gentle with her as can be when you stroke her hair or touch her cheek. 

With your body being as it is, you make for a very safe shelter for her. Nilou would like nothing else than to curl up in your strong, masculine arms, safely away from the threats and dangers of the world. Your body is also very good at heating her up on cold days with how big it is. A perfect pillow, a perfect ladder, a perfect vehicle, a perfect jar opener - she enjoys it thoroughly, and isn’t afraid to show her appreciation of you. 

Whenever you’re shirtless, expect Nilou to always show respect to your scars. They are marks of a warrior, a courageous man who endured wounds and stood tall through adversity. She’ll kiss them gently, and if you allow her, trace her fingers along them with featherlight touches. Nilou would love to learn their stories, but will understand when you don’t want to share them. She knows that these particular ones might have scarred more than your body. 

Nilou enjoys taking care of her big, strong man. She will cook for you whenever there’s a chance, even if you insist otherwise. 

Nilou: Here you go honey! Enjoy~ Y/N: This is wonderful… But you didn’t have to go all this way, you know? I have a pair of hands… Nilou: Hey, don’t mention it. It’s my obligation and my pleasure as your woman to keep you just as healthy and happy as you keep me, right? I think it's just fair, sweetie.

Nilou is very aware that her anxiety regarding leaving Sumeru City is a result of her sheltered life. She’s never really left it - the wilderness is teeming with bandits, Fatui and monsters who would all gladly have a piece of her if the opportunity came. She might have a Vision, but Nilou’s no warrior - she never practiced using it for combat, never had the need to fight, nor is she a very strong girl. With you by her side, however, she feels safe. She knows you’ll keep her way out of danger - she saw you fight, so trust isn’t the sole thing backing up her belief in your capabilities. Nilou truly enjoys walks out in the forest without a care in the world as well as picnics with you. Still, she insists on getting back before it gets dark, and if evening catches you by surprise, you’ll find her gripping your hand and sticking very close to you. 

Kindness speaks through your eyes, but they also betray years of experience and proficiency at fighting. This is the exact reason that Nilou’s manager decided that you’d make a perfect bodyguard for Nilou. Sure, Sumeru wasn’t really known for violent incidents, but you never know. The simple fact that you happen to be her husband is an added benefit as well. Nilou is more motivated, feels safer and is generally happier when you’re nearby. Besides, she only agrees to leave for Port Ormos if you accompany her, which by itself is a big step up from before when she was confined to Sumeru City. Still, other locations are for the future only for the time being.

Y/N: I’m sorry miss, but this is a staff only area. Woman: I am allowed to pass. Nilou: Is everything alright?  Y/N: Yes, Nilou. Turns back May I see proof of this then? Woman: I don’t need to show a grunt like you anything. Do you know who I am? Y/N: No and, frankly, I do not care. Please step back. Woman: I have my methods for types like you! Y/N: leans in And I have my methods of making you into a headstone or a vegetable. You may take your pick.

Due to the nature of your past job, some may see a killer in you, but Nilou doesn’t share their outlook. She might be young, optimistic and innocent by nature, but it doesn’t mean she’s oblivious to what war is. Your stories, as dark and upsetting as they are, only furthered her disdain towards conflict, but not towards you. 

Nilou knows that you cannot expect someone to act humane in an inhuman situation. She knows that the people and creatures you had killed were not killed for your own amusement, but because it was a simple choice between you and them. She does not hate you - she never will. You are just like the thousands of other young men, sent to the frontlines and made to kill monsters or their fellow man without much choice in the matter. 

She does appreciate that the war made you the man of today - a rugged, attractive beast of a fearless man - but she won't ever as much as think of suggesting that the war had a positive effect on you. Saying this wouldn't only be insensitive, but also, sadly, untrue. 

Your experiences left a permanent mark on you. They scarred both your body and your mind. She can see it in your eyes. You haven't fully left the battlefield, left the army, and it is plain to see. You have a set daily schedule, for example. You also keep a sword by your bedside and a dagger under your pillow. “Just in case” you promise, but she knows better than that. 

You have dreams about your past that might come and go, as you reassure her, but seeing you in distress breaks her heart. Nilou was always waking you up whenever a nightmare haunted you, calmly reassuring you that it's okay, that it's all a dream. She grounds you with gentle touches and soft words, expertly bringing you back to reality. At home, you dislike talking about the war, just as you dislike noise, especially metallic in nature. Nilou understands that, and makes sure to avoid rattling kitchen equipment and the like when she's preparing you food, for example. 

Speaking of cooking, and taking care of you in general, it doesn’t bother her at all, partly because of what you experienced. In the last, you have been forced out of your home and into a life of violence and approved murder where every day could be your last. But now you're home - with her. She is your wife, your home, your safe refuge. It's only natural for her to find fulfillment and pleasure in creating a loving retreat for you to rest your weary soul in. 

She is thrilled to help you and care for you, for just one, simple reason. She loves you. 

Thanks for reading!

[kikyoupdates]

Love Bite ⭑˚🩸⭑ 𝑎 𝑡𝑒𝑚𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑜𝑓𝑓𝑒𝑟

yandere!vampires x f!reader

yandere, reverse harem, original characters, vampire!ocs x fem!reader

Desperate for money to pay off your debts, you sign up for a program that allows you to sell your blood to vampires. At first, everything is fine, and you’re finally able to make ends meet. But they soon begin craving more than just your blood.

previous | story masterlist | next

Once again, Xavier stands before you.

“Hi,” you greet, smiling awkwardly. “It’s nice to see you again. How are you doing?”

You’re not really sure why you keep bothering with the pleasantries, because it’ll probably end the same way every time. With him tilting his head at you and furrowing his brows in confusion.

You have to remember that for him, this is purely business. Maybe even less than that, actually.

He’s here to sate his appetite, and you are simply a means to an end.

“I’m fine,” Xavier replies, still frowning and no doubt wondering why you keep trying to make small talk with him. He then gestures towards one of the chairs. “Are you ready to get started?”

You nod and quickly sit down. Even though you came back here of your own volition, now that he’s about to drink your blood again, you can feel how fast your heart is beating in anticipation of the pain.

There’s no point in being scared. I need the money. I did it once, so I’m sure I can do it again.

“Whenever you want,” you tell him, white-knuckling the armrest of your chair. “I’m ready.”

Xavier takes a moment to settle beside you. He seems to be waiting just in case you refuse, and while you appreciate that he won’t do anything without your consent, the longer he takes to get started, the more nerve-wracking this whole thing is.

Finally, he bridges the distance, uses an arm to gently hold you in place, and presses his lips against your neck.

Just like last time, it fucking hurts. You can’t even pretend otherwise. There’s a reason why this program isn’t more sought-after. Not only do most humans live in fear of vampires, but the vast majority of people also aren’t desperate enough to sell their blood just to make ends meet. It’s a scary, painful experience, and it comes at a cost to your health, too.

This program was made deliberately for people like you—the hopeless and rundown.

You almost wonder what the other people who’ve signed up are like, but you decide it’s probably better not to meet them. Nothing good could possibly come of so many sad, pitiful souls gathering together in one place.

Anyways, what were you saying again? Oh, right.

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

You tremble in place, doing your utmost not to grit your teeth and tense your muscles too much. The pain is one thing, but the sensation of having your blood drained—feeling it be directly siphoned from your body—is what’s truly horrifying. It feels wholly unnatural, and you’ll probably never be able to get used to it.

Still, you put on a brave face. You chose this, and right now, it’s the only option you have.

But apparently, you're not doing a very good job of being convincing.

Xavier pulls away and frowns. “You look like you’re suffering,” he remarks. There’s some blood on his lips, and you swallow at the sight, trying not to let it unnerve you.

“I’m fine,” you reassure. “This is no big deal.”

The last thing you want to do is scare him off. You need him to keep coming back. To you, the money you get from this is every bit as vital as the blood flowing through your veins.

Without it, you won’t survive.

Xavier narrows his eyes, and you fear that he’s starting to become rather annoyed with you. Perhaps he’d prefer someone else. Someone who isn’t such a baby and knows how to suffer through the pain without letting it show.

But instead of berating you, he does the exact opposite.

He apologizes.

“Sorry,” he sighs. “It’s been a long time since I drank someone’s blood like this. Up until I was admitted entry to the city, I lived off the government-issued blood packs, so I didn’t have to bite anyone. I suppose I should learn how to be a bit gentler.”

Uh... what?

You weren’t expecting this. You weren’t expecting this at all. Granted, he was very vocal about not wanting to force you into anything, but he never really struck you as the compassionate type. His expression is usually so stern, almost as frigid as his ice-cold hands.

But right now, he actually looks a bit sheepish.

You’re not sure if it’s the tenderness of his gaze, or the fact that someone’s actually treating you with empathy for a change, but either way, you find yourself blushing.

“I-It’s alright,” you say, glancing off to the side. Looking into those clear blue eyes of his is proving to be far too difficult a task right now. “I mean... it does hurt a bit, but I expected as much coming into this. I think I just need some more time to get used to it.”

“No. I’m sure it can’t be pleasant, so it’s up to me to do it in a way that isn’t quite so unbearable.” He lightly taps you on the hand, beckoning you to look at him again. “I’d like to try one more time,” he says. “With your permission, of course.”

Fuck. Here you are, selling your blood—which is quite possibly the least romantic thing in the world—but all of a sudden, you’ve got butterflies in your stomach.

It’s his fault for being so damn handsome. Or maybe you’re just not thinking clearly from all the blood loss.

Yeah. That must be it.

“Go ahead,” you reassure, adjusting your position and exposing your neck again. You take a deep breath, trying to relax, and you remind yourself that no matter how much it hurts, eventually, it will end.

Xavier’s fangs pierce your skin again, but even though you wince, you feel as though it’s slightly different from earlier. The way he’s drinking your blood is slower, more deliberate. It still hurts, no question about it, but you can tell that he’s now being conscious of how he does it.

Somehow, just the fact that he’s making an effort to hurt you less helps you cope a lot better than before.

“Huh? A different vampire has personally requested me?”

You blink, holding your phone against your ear. Just moments ago, someone from Plasma Inc. called to inform you that you’ve got another client. The news comes as a surprise, especially since you’re pretty sure Xavier is the only vampire you’ve ever met.

“Um... you guys don’t happen to show the clients files of the people who’ve signed up for the program and rank their blood in terms of tastiness, right?”

It’s a stupid question, if the sigh the employee lets out is anything to go off. You felt like asking it anyways, though.

“Of course not,” they reply. “This is actually a very peculiar case. We normally match clients and donors randomly, but this particular client apparently caught a glimpse of you in the building. Certain vampires are more perceptive than others and can sense when someone has appetizing blood. He was adamant about meeting with you, but naturally, the choice is yours. Rest assured that we will never disclose any of your personal information to him, so you’re welcome to refuse.”

As if you would ever refuse an opportunity to earn more money. These people are seriously underestimating just how desperate you are.

“I’ll meet with him,” you agree. “Just let me know when I should stop by.”

This is a good thing, right? Assuming he likes you—which, it sounds like he already does—you’ll be able to meet with two clients regularly instead of one.

Paying off your debt is finally starting to feel like more than just a dream.

Not much time has passed since you last saw Xavier, but once again, you find yourself walking down the pristine, glistening white hallways of Plasma Inc.

“Before you go meet with your new client,” the doctor begins, “I feel the need to mention that there are limits to how frequently you can come in. We can’t in good faith let you come back too often and give away your blood, otherwise it comes at a detriment to your health, and we are liable for it. So, please understand that we will monitor how often you come in and impose restrictions. We won’t allow you to put yourself in harm’s way.”

Damn. Well, that does make sense, and you suppose it’s a good thing, ethically speaking.

But financially speaking—for you, at least—it isn’t exactly ideal.

Still, you nod in agreement. “I understand. I won’t do anything to get you guys in trouble.”

The doctor smiles and ushers you along. Well, it’s fine. Even if you don’t do this all the time, they pay you quite generously, most likely to incentivize people into signing up in the first place. And now you have two clients instead of one, which means that you’re bound to get paid more often anyways.

Besides, this isn’t a permanent solution. It’s only to help keep you afloat until you pay off your debt to Johnny.

Once this nightmare is over, you’ll finally know what it’s like to live a normal life.

“Go right ahead,” the doctor gestures, and since you’re starting to get used to this whole process by now, you step inside the room without any hesitation.

Then, you lock eyes with your new client.

He’s tall. Really, really tall, as if being a vampire wasn’t already intimidating enough. His eyes are even more piercing than Xavier’s pale blue ones. They glisten like shards of topaz, bright and beguiling. You haven’t yet realized that your lips are parted open in awe, and all of this feels suspiciously like déjà vu. Like when you first laid eyes on Xavier.

It turns out that vampires really are ridiculously attractive.

“Yay, you’re finally here!” he exclaims. He runs up to you, and without warning, pulls you into his arms.

Naturally, you flinch at the sudden contact, and even though he’s going to be biting your neck later, you’re pretty sure that this isn’t exactly appropriate.

“U-Um,” you stammer. You try to push him away, but he’s a million times stronger than you, so you may as well be trying to move a wall.

He squeezes you and lets out a pleased sigh. “I knew it. You really do smell amazing. I can only imagine how sweet your blood will taste.”

Oh, boy. He’s sniffing you.

This already doesn’t bode well.

Mercifully, he pulls away quickly enough, stopping to flash you a sharp-toothed grin. “I’m Felix,” he introduces. “Man, you’re even prettier in person too! This day just keeps getting better. I really struck gold here.”

You can’t tell if he’s a big flirt, or a creep, or if he’s just really excited to drink your blood.

Regardless, you don’t make any motion to leave.

No way in hell are you leaving without your money.

“I’m [Name],” you say, nodding your head a bit. “It’s nice to meet you, Felix. I heard that you requested me specifically, so... hopefully I won’t let you down.”

His grin gets even wider. “There’s no way you will. I’m confident about this. I don’t think I’ve ever met a human who smells as good as you do.”

“Um... thanks.”

You’re not really sure what else to say. He’s a lot different from Xavier, though, that much is for sure. He’s infinitely more expressive and doesn’t seem too concerned with keeping things professional.

Regardless, he’s a client, and unless you give him what he wants, you’re not going to get paid.

“Should we start now?” you ask, already sitting down.

Felix nods eagerly. He’s practically vibrating, incapable of containing his excitement. You suppose it’s a bit endearing. It seems like he’s really been looking forward to this, and money aside, it’s nice to be able to make someone happy.

You adjust the top of your shirt to better expose your neck, and you swear that Felix gulps at the sight.

“Whenever you’re ready, just—”

The rest of the words don’t make it out in time. He grabs you by the shoulders, forcefully, then bites into your neck without even bothering to ease you through it.

A sharp cry escapes your lips, and you whimper, doing everything you can not to scream again.

This is bad. Unlike Xavier, he’s making no attempt to be gentle. He’s slurping from your neck greedily, and even though he’s already pierced your skin, his fangs dig deeper, in a relentless pursuit of everything you have to offer.

Tears blur your vision. Holy fuck, it hurts. You never imagined that it could hurt this much. It was already bad enough before. Will you... even be able to handle this?

You moan softly, and even though you’re doing your best to hold it together, a few tears end up spilling down your cheeks. You can feel how damp your skin is. Not just your face, but also the tender spot on your neck that Felix keeps burying his fangs into.

The pain makes you pass out for a few moments, but it’s better this way, because when you come to, Felix has finally stopped.

His lips and chin are completely stained with your blood, and he makes no attempt to wipe it off either, unlike Xavier.

To make matters even worse, he actually has the nerve to smile.

“Amazing,” he mumbles. He doesn’t seem awfully concerned with the fact that you’re only semi-conscious right now, and instead presses his body closer to yours. “[Name], you really are amazing. I’ve never had such delicious blood before. Most humans taste disgusting to me, and it’s a pain just finding something I can stomach. I don’t think you understand how much it means to me that I’ve finally met someone like you.”

Sure, it sounds like a crappy situation, but you’re having a hard time sympathizing with him after he basically just mauled your neck.

You wince and press a hand against the bite mark, and when you pull your fingers away, you’re horrified to find that they’re completely coated in blood.

Sh-Shit...

Felix leans into your line of sight, still grinning widely. “Hey. I have an offer for you. I’m sure they must have told you that there are restrictions to how often you can sell your blood, but if you’re here, it’s because you need the money, right? So, how about we also meet up outside of our scheduled appointments? That way, I can drink your blood as often as I want, and you can make more money. And by that, I mean that I’ll pay you double what you’re getting here. Hm? How does that sound?”

Double?

As in, two times as much?

You blink repeatedly, suddenly completely lucid. The pain is still there, clear as day, but what you’ve just heard has imbued you with a new sense of bravery.

Felix clearly doesn’t know the meaning of holding back. You doubt he cares about hurting you, which means it’ll be painful as all hell, every single time. Honestly, if you really wanted to, you could drop him as a client altogether. He seems like the type that’s difficult to keep in line, especially when there’s something he wants.

But it’s obvious that he really, really likes your blood, and apparently, he’s willing to pay a steep price for it.

With that kind of money, you’ll be able to pay Johnny back even faster. You’ll be able to treat yourself to a nice meal every now and then, to put your feet down from time to time and get a proper night’s sleep.

Forget just surviving, you want to know what it’s like to actually live.

“This is strictly between the two of us,” Felix continues. “It has to be done in private, without anyone finding out. The laws on this stuff are pretty stingy, and I’m sure neither of us wants to get in trouble. But I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”

Just a few moments ago, when you saw the bloody mess he made of your neck, you were actually considering never seeing him again. The pain was simply too much. You’ve suffered a lot, but even you have your limits.

Alas, in the face of money, you are nothing but a pathetic, subservient fool.

“Okay,” you mumble weakly. “Let’s do it.”

It’s probably a big mistake.

But you’re too desperate to care.

previous | story masterlist | next

More chapters are available on Quotev and Wattpad!

⊱.⋅follow + post notifications on for story update announcements or join the author's discord!⋅.⊰

🩸 main masterlist! ♡ character appearances

[strong-with-the-sarcasm]

Part 6- from the top of my lungs

Dp x DC AU: Regent!Jazz & Vigilante!Jazz

"I step out outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs, 'What's going on?!'" - What's Up? by 4 Non Blondes

Masterlist Part 5

It was probably hypocritical of Danny to lecture Jazz about taking up a vigilante role around their new haunt when he himself couldn’t resist the instinctual urge to give the local breed of stupidity a beatdown. 

If anything, it was a good way to get back into shape.

(Danny’s not fooling anyone, he’s a twink.) (A ghouly goopy ghostly one, but still a twink.)

Danny argued that he had more experience with vigilantism than Jazz, when she’d taken up a support role even after training. Sure, her aim has gotten so much better with practice, but Jazz was only a liminal. 

(A highly ecto-contaminted liminal with a scary sword that can cut through reality to create portals that currently does his kingly paperwork for him.)

At least he could comfort himself with the knowledge that Jazz was trained by the frightening and awe-inspring Pandora of the Infinite Realms Acropolis, bearing her own gifted Bracelets of Submission as a symbol of respect from one woman to another. 

(Jazz and Pandora sparring made the Boy King eternally grateful to be on the good side of both women.) 

(Scary was an understatement.) 

(No wonder Jazz and Sam got along so well.)

(Batman and Wonder Woman were supposedly friends, being founders of the Justice League and all.)

Gotham was all kinds of batshit crazy when the sun went down.

(pun recognized and intended.)

A dumb statement for any Gothamite, but newcomers to the city never really got it until the were robbed at gunpoint within five minutes of sunset. 

That wasn’t really a concern for Danny, he’s gotten into the habit of phasing his important items into his body for safe keeping, but his increased need to do something made his late night walks morph into something that vaguely resembled his Witching Hours patrols back in Amity. Midnight to three am, strictly rooftops without too much barrier crossing into Hood’s territory were now fully integrated into the Halfa’s life- the purring of his core when he protected someone was healing something inside him he hadn’t realized was sick. 

(Lies.)

Without the Red Hood to manage his Haunt, the Boy King and Regent had brute forced their way passed the boundary line to help the once-Revenant’s people until the one in question could do it himself. The habitants of Crime Alley were hesistant at first to accept more vigilantes into their midst, especially one that was obviously a meta with a concerning range of physical abilites, but with the Regent’s quiet strength and Phantom’s quirky attitude they were begrudgingly allowed to continue. 

(If Phantom also used his ice manipulation to help stablilize dilapidated buildings being used as shelter for the upcoming winter, then all the better.) 

The Regent had been caught in the Bat’s territory more recently, much to Danny’s worry. Jazz could no doubt break the furry over her knee, Danny had seen her do it to Skulker of all people, but drawing the ire of the big bat was the opposite of ideal. Batman’s Stabby Robin might even try to challenge Jazz for her Ecto-sword, which was both hilarious to imagine and panic-inducing, because stabby Robin was stabby. 

After the early morning chat with the Signal, Danny had come to a decision regarding the leather clad crime lord furry and his flock of birdies- step up as the Boy King and request Batman’s help in riding the Realms of the Anti-Ecto Acts. Jazz already did so much as his Regent, he could at least get the ball rolling on this. 

In order to begin, he had a sad trenchcoat man to call. 

“Bloody Hell, Phantom!” 

The Phantom, in his original jumpsuit rather than the admittedly awesome Star King regalia, grinned with a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth. Closer to a snarl, but whatever. 

“Sad trenchcoat man! Just the guy I wanted to see.” 

Danny knew the guy’s name, hard not to when he’d seen the three floor-to-ceiling filing cabinets in Jazz’s office dedicated to the Laughing Magician alone, but the halfa was nothing if not dedicated to the bit. 

When he’d sensed Constantine’s magic at work, he’d hijacked the summoning circle for his own use- suck it, a king trumps whatever entity Constantine was trying to get and Danny was less likely to want his soul in return for a favor. 

(Did it really count when he’d already gifted the glued together pieces of the guy’s soul to Jazz as a paperweight?) 

“Phantom, lad, why’re you here?”

The Ghost boy huffed a laugh, the building annoyance in the air just from his presence was fueling his life force. 

“What, can’t say hi to a friend now? After all the work I did to stop that demon from coming instead too.” 

(Lies.) (The summoning had been for an observant, but those bastard eyebags can eat a dick for all he cared.)

“Demon?” Constantine’s voice cracked with surprise, gaze flickering over the runes he’d lazily copied from a book. 

“Yep.” 

“Constantine.” A growl interrupted whatever comeback the Magician could have conjured, with the shadows of the darkened room parting to allow the Dark Knight himself to step through. “There is no time.” 

“Aye, Batsy.” The brit turned back to Phantom, an edge of desperation now coloring the annoyance the ghost had brought. “Phantom, I need a favor.” 

Phantom blinked. 

“Uh, sure dude?” 

“Constantine.” Batman interrupted again, but the sad trenchcoat man waved him off.

“Your people been wreckin’ government buildings and the bloody USA is throwing a fit.” 

Government buildings? Phantom’s people? The GIW? 

Could his luck really be in his favor this time? After all, here was Batman, and the sad trenchcoat man who could verify that Phantom was a spirit of protection and not one of vengeance. 

(He left that to the Regent.)

“If that’s the case, then there is nothing I can do.” 

(He would be right there with his people. What’s a few more buildings destroyed to free the innocent ghosts trapped within?) 

“Whot?” 

Phantom crossed his arms, allowing gravity to bring him to the floor where he stood at his full height. Unintimidating was one word for it, but he couldn’t really care less at the moment. 

“The GIW have committed acts of War against the Infinite Realms, Constantine. It’s only thanks to the Regent and Future King that this Living Realm hasn’t been claimed by the Unquiet Dead.” 

It was true. Jazz was the best Regent Danny could’ve ever gotten. She was liminal enough to understand that the Denziens of the Realms were not inherently malicious, but human enough to realize that she too would be afraid of the ghosts if she hadn’t been raised around the dead and (un)dying.

It was only thanks to that fine line she walked that Phantom wasn’t to join the Unquiet Dead and Neverborn as they descended onto the Living with the fury of thousand suns. 

Danny, while a half-ghost, had died unlike his big sister. Sure he was brought back by Ectoplasm, but he had only returned halfway and that part of him was chomping at the bit to avenge those who were ended that he couldn’t protect. 

“Here.” Phantom shallowly intoned as he pulled a flash drive from his chest, thrown to the big bat. “That contains all collected information the Regent was comfortable sharing with the Living. Share it with your league and get the Acts demolished, Batman.” 

Phantom sighed heavily, shoulders drooping as he finished in a tired voice, “Please. I don’t want to fight. Please don’t make me go to war.” 

Was he trying to tug on the Bat’s heartstrings? Yes. Was he being honest in not wanting to got to war? Also yes. 

“War?” 

“Yeah, all denziens of the Realms would have to fight. We’re all effected by the Acts, even if we don’t want to hurt anyone we’d have to…for our right to exist.” Phantom replied lowly. “I’m a spirit of protection, I don’t want to hurt the innocent.” 

(It was a truth he had come to terms with, after his sister killed their parents.)

(He died wanting to be loved and protected by the adults who claimed to be his parents, but it had been Jazz that raised him.) 

(She avenged him twice over.)

(She gave him a grave.)

A/N: No Hardcover/Anger Management ship content this time, just lore for this world I'm building.

And look, Sad trenchcoat man!

Song quotes are from the same songs on my Jazz/Jason playlist. Typically the song that started playing when I get ready to post this.

[outerbankspov]

- thank you love for your passionates ❤️ @giannadrichardson-blog

You and Drew have been dating since outer banks season one and you adore one another more than anything. The way you both met was a story you both say “We will tell our kids about this one day”… you needed a job asap in order to get recognized by the public for your future singing career so you signed up to play the love interest of a character name “Rafe Cameron’ WHO happens to be played by Drew Starkey. You for sure saw his face around in your favorite movie “Love Simon” and since then you’ve been together and laughed about him in that film.

- Present day.

“Drew!!” You squeal as you run into your shared bedroom before you jump up and down in excitement. “What’s up, baby?” He smiles while asking you. “My agent just called… and they gave me a green light to tour my album!!’ He jumps off the bed to catch you in his arms. “BABY?? WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS GOOD!” he kisses your lips as you smile up at him nervously. “What’s that Face about?” He asked as he Brough you down with him on the bed. “Thing is it starts in 3 weeks..” You closed your eyes shut. “Well, that’s good news. What with the face?” He asks again, You bit your lip and shook your head “Can you come with?” Knowing this the worse idea to ask is because you know Drew has to stay just in case he gets a call back from his agent about the new movie he was offered that will be filming in ITALY. “Baby.. you know I would to go with you but I can’t” You nod and looks down, pushing your hair behind both ears and smiling weekly as you plaid with your nails. GOD you know you can’t do this without him, you would be a wreck you know that for sure. “What’s going on in that pretty little mind of yours?” “I just really wish you could come, what if I fuck up?? I will never forgive myself” A tear slipped passed your eyes and Drew brushed it away.

“My love you are gonna be so good I promise you” you sniffle and nod. “You’re just saying that because your my boyfriend-” , “No I’m saying that because I believe you can. Baby of course you can” he kisses your forehead and you finally accept it.

-

Tour has been a real fun… scary experience. Going out on stage and seeing a huge crowd every two days and seeing them actually enjoy your music made you feel like you’re doing something right. But apart of you still wishes Drew was there, you go to sleep every night after a FaceTime with him and talk about your day and how nervous you were. This time when calling Drew, he didn’t answer. You started to get worried but soon after got a text saying “a bit busy. Talk later” confused you just decided to go to sleep.

“Y/N YOU ARE ON IN- 3,2,1 GO” your manager tells you. You put the biggest smile on your face and runs out on stage greeting everyone. “Hello NEW YORK CITY!! As you might know I’m dedicating this night to my love Drew Starkey, we actually met on this day 4 years ago… kinda insane! All I’m asking for you all is to enjoy this night like I’m gonna be and yell loud !!” The group cheered and smiled. You started singing and you Just felt so free until a gut feeling and the feeling in the air made you want to shut down. God you hate this, it’s a big night and your stupid mind wants to shut down now ???. You finish the song and runs off of stage.

“Y/n? What’s up?” Your manager ask calmly.

“Stacy. I can’t do this- it’s like my hearts being pul-“ you was interrupted by a call she picked up. She nodded and said okay to the person and hung up. “Wiped those tears baby! Go back on stage !! You got this” she encouraged, and like the person you was you walked out again and started singing. At this part of the song no one sings because they know it’s a slow part that you enjoy so much. Nope not today- you start to sing and it seems like you got 6 sense because all of a sudden you felt better, it’s like their was this light telling you to continue. Once you was done you made your way back stage ready to run to your manager put stop in your tracks, turning around you see him, them.

“DREW??” You squeal as you jump into his arms. “You’re here? You’re really here!” You kisses his lips and he chuckles. “ m’course I’m here. Wouldn’t want to miss this day ever. Or any other” he looks at you with a knowing look at you jump in excitement. “You’re staying ?” He nods and you kiss him again. So beyond excited and your heart felt completed. “How about we get something to eat baby?” You smile up at him and nod. “I will like that”. You couldn’t believe it, you look at your other friend and runs into their arms. “You guys are amazing”. The day was spent like any other, Drew by your side constantly kissing you and your best of friends next to you.

[thedivineladyinwhite]

Right back at you.

Summary: Where everything went downhill when you stepped in the city. A/N: This came along re2 and re4 :)) Aaand I made him like a big jerk hihi, lets just follow my silly plot, mwah mwah. (ALSO A LITTLE ANNOUNCEMNT ABOUT THAT GENSHIN WRTING I DID, I'LL PROMISE TO DO IT NEXT MONTH)

In his dark world there was you. All loveable and cheerful, only dating for a couple of months and he was sure seeing his future. He was happy when you agreed to come with him to Racoon City. One step on the city, chaos disrupted. An Outbreak. Both of you met Claire a long the way and got separated. As you and Leon now trying to find a way out of the police station. Many things have happened from being chased and so on and so forth. And that's when you both got separated, he met the Ada Wong the disguised mercenary. The woman he suddenly grew attached when you were only gone for an hour or so. When you guys finally regrouped you wondered. "Hey, who's this woman you met?" you asked, he was still and a small blush appeared on his face. "She helped me when we got separated. Her name's Ada Wong an FBI" The way he talked about her was laced with something you couldnt grasp on. Now being in a group of 3, you noticed the way he would help her instead of you, he would look at her with something other than worry in his eyes, and she felt it too. .... You should've never woke up or even slept when he told you to rest when the three of you got in the train. Was it worth it? You should've stayed in your nightmares if you were only greeted with your one boyfriend kissing another. Yet you stayed silent. Watching the scene unfold as you closed your eyes hoping it was a dream, but it wasn't. Was the world really this unkind to you? - Everything was a blur, you're hurt. A pole pierced in your stomach, as you watched Leon save Ada who was falling after being shot. Was he just gonna hold onto her and leave you? And. she slipped. And the whole building crumbled. And you were buried in those layers of cement and other kinds of heavy stuff. You thought it was the end. so how come you're found alive? Somehow still breathing and able to move? Yet more flexible, faster, and stronger. Who could've done this to you? Until a man walked inside the room. "I see you're awake, took you almost 5 months to get up." A sigh escaped the strangers lips. You look up to see a blonde man, wearing sun glasses as he looked at you with an very different eye color you haven't seen before, crimson. "Who are you...?" You whispered, moving back and hitting the wall as the monitor beside you picked up and your heart beating faster, and faster. "Do you really want to know?" He chuckled with amusement. "You're the only one who managed to live throughout my experiment, sadly Wong died. Such as shame." He shook his head and looked away. "But it doesn't matter now. What matters is that you, now work for me." He walked closer, and seeing him up close he looked more intimidating and scary. "Are you up for it?" You took a moment to take everything. You've been out for 5 months?! That Ada Wong died. And now you're an experiment working for an unknown man! But what were the odds, at least she was alive. And her eyes lit up. He's still alive, he has to be. Leon Kennedy "As if I have a choice." You answered. "Alright." You looked at the man with somehow an interested look. The man seemed to be shocked. "You're interesting, maybe I will keep you." He muttered. The one thing only kept coming back in your head. The same man who left you to die for someone who was already died. For now, you pray you'll meet up in the future to let him see what he'd done to you.

[wifiwuxians]

Hear me out... Tokyo Mew Mew AU for the Yi City Fam

STOPPP I LITERALLY HAVE A TOKYO MEW MEW AU FOR LIKE A BUNCH OF CHARACTERS AND THEY'RE IN IT LOL BUT THIS NEEDS SOME REWORKING UH

first off, the cast. XY is Kisshu. he has to be. not because of any choice opinions on how to treat a lady or anything but because they're both the little shit who has given me gender envy. AQ is Pudding because look at them. enough said. also ever since i was a kid i was obsessed with the idea of Kisshu and Pudding having a sibling banter bond and i was robbed. i suppose XXC would be the obvious protagonist so Ichigo? I only say this bc I really REALLY WANT SL TO BE DEEP BLUE LMAOOO THAT HAIR!!!!!!! SL is in his villain era now

That aside, obviously it's not all 1:1. I still want to make AQ a monkey girl because that's too cute, but she fights with a staff! The cafe, which in this would be run by XXC himself (inherited it and the research from BSSR?) is less cutesy because they don't need to lure in teenage girls, but it's still a cozy and traditional place where you can rent out hanfu for the day or something adorable like that. Still 100% a front for a secret lab though. XXC's animal would be a great white heron, he'd get majestic wings and a flowy outfit that would still allow him to fight (and fly)! Since it's sort of lame to just have 2 animal people I sort of want SL to also be an animal person (a human-alien hybrid thing who is now also an animal person... save some for the rest of us), so he'd be a leopard >:) XY is just a cute lil alien showing his midriff and fucking around and waiting for his Great Leader to wake the fuck up so everyone can go home and he can kill every human on earth

XY's reason for hating humans, aside from the fact they stole his homeland and poisoned it, is that he was captured as an infant on a recon mission and terribly experimented on. that same recon mission resulted in the death of BSSR and SL's adoptive parents, who were working with her on her alien research. however, they were not the ones to cut this poor boy open, but it doesn't matter. All Scientists Must Die and all humans too.

XXC took AQ off the streets where she was performing for cash and had been doing so for years, he's trying to get her paperwork in order so she can go to school properly. she has no family save for him. they met on a rainy day, where XXC got in an accident trying to prevent AQ from suffering the same fate. she took him to the hospital and stayed by his side and they've been inseparable ever since. XXC never intended for her to get infused with animal DNA, as he wanted this to be a solo thing (it's XXC, he's self sacrificial to a fault), but the machine malfunctioned and she got caught in the blast. she's fine with this, as she would do anything to make XXC happy, even if she hates dealing with customers at the cafe and prefers to be the bookkeeper.

SL was also caught in the blast, as he was visiting the cafe to try and return a book to XXC. they both take the same environmentalism course at uni!! SL is unaware of his adoptive parents' work (until the story conveniently reveals it to him) and only knows they were researching the environment, so he's very studious and dedicated, serious and passionate, so their memory can live on and he can make them proud. but also he just loves nature. he's also unaware of the Darkness Inside Him though he has scary dreams sometimes. XXC is at first horrified to get him involved, but soon loves having him by his side; they train together and uncover more of their parents' research while fighting big weird aliens. XXC has been so alone ever since his mother's passing, putting on a brave face for everyone and trying to keep his spirits high, but AQ and SL becoming important parts of his life has been a balm for his soul. but then XY is there outside his window at 3 AM demanding they throw knives at each other until someone dies or some shit so his studies are falling behind a little bit lmao

as a fun extra, in the original massive AU with a bunch of non Yi City characters, XY was split into two (as i tend to do) and one was Kisshu and the other was Ichigo. think of XY in fun lil strawberry shorts and with the whole cat getup. it was great

SORRY THIS IS SO RAMBLY LMAO I LOVE TMM SM AHHH

[dieinct]

i know i could google it but i love to question american mutus, what's it really like in a frat ?

well like it's extremely variable. one of the primary things that makes frats scary and nonfunctional is the fact that at MOST schools, the frat is technically "off campus" housing which means that the university - while dependent on greek life to provide housing to students - has no or extremely limited legal control over behavior which happens in frat houses bc... it is "off campus". which is what leads to the kind of bad shit you hear about bc there's very little like... accountability. HOWEVER greek life at my school was 1. housed in dorms 2. at a school with a more liberal milieu, and also not an enormous part of campus culture - it was there if you wanted it but it wasn't the ONLY place to socialize, or the only kind of group housing etc, the way it is in some other more rural schools where that's sort of the only thing there is to do yk. also 3. it was a group that very much self-selected for people who cared about Living In Community who wanted a space that was not as traditionally "fratty".

i tend to feel it has much more in common with the way i've seen people describe coop housing than with other frat houses; we were a greek letter org with a national - but we are co-ed and legally distinct, though we still share songs and a history with the all-male org.

so for me "what was being in a frat like" well it was like living with a bunch of people who all agreed that we wanted to live together, drink responsibly together, and learn all the same drinking songs. together. which i think is not typically the experience for many people!

checked in with a college friend to see if this description held true to her perception also and she said "well housing coops don't ritualistically blindfold members" which i feel like is a big thing for her to claim. they might. i don't know that. anyway it was good and fun and we did not do Hazing except in to a degree that was entirely opt-in.

have these descriptions also: "[frat was] like kind of a traditional frat, kind of a religious community a little bit (in the way that frats are that) and kind of like coop housing for people who like movie nights. also kind of like attending city council meetings. a homeowners association for self destructive people. socialization daycare for computer science students. sleepaway summer camp but the kids and chaperones are the same age. and also the same people. [frat] is like the post-musical rager for high school students who played in the orchestra pit" (h/t @oddliestcatch)

[froot-batty]

Can you explain how Eddie, Jon, and Jerv's autism manifests itself? As an Autistic comics fan, I love the idea of the Dork squad all being autistic!!

I sure can!! This one's gonna be long, so I'm gonna post it under a cut

Ed

Ed's whole deal can get a little complicated to explain, since he has BPD, ADHD, and OCD along with autism, so a lot of his experiences or behaviors are going to be influenced by all of those

Ed is a very repetition/pattern/organization focused kind of guy. Whether this be repeating routines, having to keep a system that's very specific, or needing things to play out in predetermined ways. If something doesn't happen how he expects it to, he will either repeat it over and over again or have a meltdown, depending on what it is

(He also has a lot of repetitive thoughts about all sorts of things. Some are more unpleasant than others)

They also fixate on things or people HARD. There will be week long stints where they will get fixated on something and be unable to do really anything else until their brain is satisfied. It can be very detrimental to their health (or to the health of the other person)

He also tends to dislike social situations, especially ones that are unfamiliar or crowded. Being unable to predict what will happen in a social situation or location is very nerve-wracking for him, and it's part of the reason why he can be so blunt and rude. Part of that is just how he's built, but it also usually puts people off or at least gives him the ability to analyze who someone is better. He doesn't like meeting new people, and he's found the best way to avoid talking to them is by being annoying (but he's just kind of annoying in general also)

Lastly, Eddie is very touch-averse (for multiple reasons) and moderately sensitive to sensory input. Bright lights and noises don't bother them too much, but the wrong smell or texture makes them want to vibrate out of their skin. They hate being touched, especially if they don't know you very well. Another reason why they wear gloves and a lot of clothing. It isn't as bad if they're very close with you though, so have them willingly touch you, or allow you to touch them for more than a minute or so, is a big sign of trust on their part

Jon

Jon is, as always, repression city, so he masks whenever he can get away with it. He's the type of guy to pretend like he's not bothered by something and then go home and stare at the wall for hours on end. He has a loooot of shutdowns because of this, unhealthy fucker

Jon is very unemotional and (like the other two, but more so) unempathetic. He could be having the best time of his life or the worst and he'd still have a blank "I wish I was dead" expression on his face. The exception is when he's experiencing high emotions, like shock, delight, terror, etc. He also speaks mostly in monotone, with occasional injections of emotion (mostly annoyance or amusement, and even then only barely)

Jon is very sensitive to light and sound. His glasses (or goggles, if he's wearing his mask) are actually tinted like sunglasses to help him deal with some of it. He has tried and failed to tough out being in noisy places, but since he physically can't do it, he's resorted to using earplugs to help deafen some of that sound. It still bugs him, but at least it lets him leave the house

In public, Jon stims in ways that could seem "normal" to other people, in his attempt to mask. Humming/whistling/singing, bouncing his leg, tapping a pencil, etc. He'll also clench his fists when he's not holding something (or tap on that thing if he is). When he's alone he tends to pick at his skin/scars, grind his teeth, pace, whisper to himself, things like that. Honestly a lot of his "not in public" stims unintentionally make him seem kind of scary (which he thinks is funny)

Jon also will have brief periods where he loses speech, particularly when he's overstimulated, but not always. Granted, since he doesn't talk much in the first place, it's not always noticed

Jervis

Jervis is veeerryy talkative when she's able to be! Though she tries to be mindful of it, she isn't the best at social cues (especially conversationally), and can (and will) have entire conversations where the other person isn't needed. Especially if it's about one of her interests, or if she has the chance to explain something to you. You best be ready to settle in for a while if she's decided to talk to you

The only problem is sometimes it's difficult for her to express herself in a way that makes sense, especially to neurotypical people. This is a combination of autism and brain damage. She is really very smart, and the things make sense when they're in her head, but they come out confusing and more like a ramble instead of a weave of interconnected ideas

He also has a bit of trouble recognizing people. He goes by shape, general colors associated with the clothes they wear, and voices, but if those are mixed around or unclear then he can get confused

He's also a very tactile kind of guy. We already know he loves hugging/cuddling/touching people, but a lot of his other stims relate to touch as well. Braiding or running his hands through his own or other people's hair, touching objects that have a texture he likes, scratching things, the feel of certain kinds of clothes, chewing on things, stuff like that

Along with that, she also has a lot of olfactory and visual stims. She has a couple of those stuffed toys that have the scents in them, which both appeal on the smell factor and the touch factor. Some might think it's weird or creepy, but she also likes to smell different people, especially those she's close with! It's just very comforting (even if being sniffed isn't always comfortable for the other person). Visually, she really likes staring at pleasing patterns, or anything moving repetitively, like fans. But she can get real dizzy doing that

Jerv is a biiigggg fan of weight, either being pinned down under someone or under stuff like a weighted blanket. Very very comforting

I think that's just about it!! I hope this satisfies, it was a lot of fun actually writing out how different their autism manifests and throwing in some of my own experiences/behaviors too. My silly beasts

[kairiscorner]

Hiii can I request going to an amusement park with Noir? Like they ride a Rollercoaster, Ferris wheel, and the viking? (Para may ref, isipin mo ung Enchanted kingdom o sky ranch) Salamat thanks!! :DDD

HI ANON 🫶🫶🫶oh that'd be quite the experience for him tbh :' )) i personally have never been to EK or sky ranch (oo alam ko na, nasa bahay ako buong buhay ko 😭😭😭) BUT HERE'S HOW I IMAGINE THAT'D PLAY OUT !!!

going to amusement parks with spider noir

he'd be a little overwhelmed, but extremely excited the first time he'd go with you. he'd be so giddy on the way there, like a child would if it were their first time :)

HE'D WANT A THOUSAND OF THOSE EK WIZARD HATS

he'd plop one on you, chuckle, and say, "look, love, you're finally as tall as me."

out of all three rides, i think the one that gave him the least anxiety was the ferris wheel. like, think about it, it isn't exactly anything too crazy compared to the other two, the only remotely scary bit of it is the part where you get to the top.

he's not exactly afraid of the heights, he's spiderman, he's practically on every height in the city. though when he notices you freaking out, even a little, he himself gets a little uneasy and doubts himself just a smidge.

but he tries to remember you need him, in the toughest and easiest of times. he'd gently bring your hand in his, look into your eyes and tell you, "we don't have to go through with it, love, if you aren't comfortable. if you still want to go anyway... i'll be right here to keep you safe. you're not gonna fall any time soon if i'm here."

and when you two get on the ferris wheel, he actually got super delighted :DD HE WAS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THE PART WHERE YOU TWO KEEP GOING HIGHER AND HIGHER, BUT CLINGING ON TO YOU A THE WHILE INVOLUNTARILY

of course, you'd hold him back, and the calming effect you have on him is otherworldly. he calms down gradually and looks away from the ground and into your eyes, which are staring back into his. he blushes as he realizes how close he was this whole time, being near the prettiest person he's ever seen in the whole world, he refuses to believe this isn't a dream that just feels all too real.

"i, oh, sorry, i got... too close back there..." he'd whisper as he pulls away, BUT YOU'D PULL HIM BACK CLOSE TO YOU <333 "and i want you to stay close to me, pete."

HIS BLUSH WOULD REACH DOWN HIS NECK WHEN YOU'D SAY AND DO STUFF LIKE THAT

at the viking, peter would've been a little confused what exactly it was like. and when you explained it, he'd think, "oh, so like a swing?" and you wouldn't wanna intimidate or scare him at first, so you'd just reluctantly agree. "y... eah, yeah like a... like a swing!" you'd encourage him and he's watch the other people riding it and smiling to himself as he thinks, "oh, i can't wait to ride a big swing"

IT WASN'T JUST A SWING, HE GOT A LITTLE FRIGHTENED AND ANXIOUS AS THE RIDE JUST KEPT GOING HIGHER AND HIGHER (despite being spider man and being at really high places, he wants to be on the ground most of the time) SO HE HELD ON TO YOUR HAND THE HIGHER YOU GUYS GOT

"LOVE YOU PROMISED ME THIS WOULD BE LIKE A LIKE A SWING" "it is though, isn't it?!" "NO, SWINGS DON'T MAKE ME FEEL LIKE--" (screams)

but he enjoyed it a lot when he got a little more used to it, and besides, he got to use his fear as an excuse to hug you :>

THE ROLLERCOASTER WAS THE REAL KICKER THOUGH, i believe he threw up at least three times after getting on

HE'D BE TOO SCARED TO SCREAM HERE AFTER GETTING ON THE VIKING, he'd probably have fainted back in his seat when you two would do the upside-down part of the loop de loop.

and if the rollercoaster ride provided pictures during the ride, you'd laugh a little seeing peter knocked out while you're screaming out of excitement and a little fear.

"that was horrifying... wanna... go again?"

a/n: man i have date ideas for the atsv guys at amusement parks/fairs now fuck THANK YOU FOR THE IDEA ANON IT WAS SO LOVELY TO DO <333

tags !! @thecoolerdor @miguelswifey04 @sabcandoit @binibinileonara @k4tsu3 @fictarian @luvstarrstruck @maxoloqy @connors-cumslurper @ii01vq

[megamindsupremacy]

Hello! Do you ever think about how Captain Marvel would probably be someone who helps out in the soup kitchens or raises awareness for actually good charities and homeless shelters (because Billy Batson has experience with which is bad and which is good for obvious reasons) and so because he's such an influential/charming hero it works and the charities, shelters and many other things just get an immediate and overwhelmingly amazing response afterwards with many donations and such and then it's sometimes on the news and Batman sees the news or reads an article as Bruce Wayne and just smiles a bit and thinks back to how his kids were struggling and thinks "another charity to my list of donation worthy ones" and then asks Alfred to prepare a cheque of about a ridiculous amount of money (because he's a billionaire and he wouldn't care if his bank account had a dent in it) and just showers the charities, and then Superman is like "hey! My pal Marvel is vouching for these places and works there sometimes, maybe I can get more people to donate by having an interview with him!" And so basically every Leaguer helps out in their own way and Captain Marvel becomes like the unofficial guy who let's everyone know about the charity/donation thingy and if it's good or not and he becomes a big fan favourite among the lower class and his merch becomes more widespread but because he personally asked the corporations making these (and also with the help of Bruce's lawyers) to make the merch cheaper and more accessible for everyone because he hates when things that bring joy are so overly expensive and unaccessible for people in the lower class and that just makes him an even bigger fan favourite, and whenever he passed by stores in his Billy form and sees people able to buy his merch for cheap with such happy smiles on their faces, he can't help but feel giddy and self indulgent at times and buy a pin or two, maybe a hoodie, the hoodie is just for the extra hilarity because one time he passed by Clark when he was looking for Cap and Billy was in the hoodie and he nearly lost his mind

Ohh my god this is such a lovely idea. Billy being the unofficial sponsor of all these charities and nonprofits and volunteer organizations. Because Billy knows what it's like to have nothing (because he still materially has basically nothing and emotionally he's so distant from his friends coworkers comrades fellow league members and he wants other people to feel better and good and loved) so he just. Pours himself into doing good, not just by punching bad guys and sealing rifts in dimensions but by volunteering at soup kitchens and talking people down from rooftops and rescuing cats from trees.

And think of his mantra: "Do good, and good will follow", and then seeing how his own acts of kindness, unthinking and conscious, are influencing the hero community and branching outward from there, that this Gotham City billionaire cited Capitan Marvel as his inspiration for his most recent donation to a Fawcett City organization, and Superman is following in his footsteps. I bet Billy saves up his money to buy his own merch for himself and also to pass out to people to help them feel better after a loss or a scary moment.

Also, both Billy and Clark are wearing Captain Marvel hoodies and Billy is fully like "is superman impersonating me??" before realizing, no, that's Superman's secret identity, walking around, looking for Billy, in a Captain Marvel hoodie. Absolutely he loses his mind.

[headspace-hotel]

Last night on a stream with @awhellstothejoe I started a new survival world in Minecraft and the spawn was in a mega taiga next to a large, expansive mountain range. I got myself iron armor, dug underneath the mountains until I hit a cave, and found an ancient city within 10 minutes of exploring. I haven't even found diamonds or done much besides build a couple furnaces. I don't even know how I'm going to get back out.

I criticized the 1.19 update a lot, but I'm walking back some of my criticisms of the Warden—being a competent player means exploring the Deep Dark is relatively safe while still being pants-shittingly scary. I am glad now that the devs thought out the gameplay so thoroughly because it WORKS really well.

Being restricted to sneaking and unable to place torches really makes you experience the eerieness and atmosphere and stops you from entering this kind of flow state where you're clearing a structure on autopilot—like even as a seasoned player, it's still an EXPERIENCE that you have to linger on and it's really neat.

If you are patient and cautious enough, you will never be in any real danger of summoning the Warden. If you REALLY don't want to fuck with the big guy, you can just hang out for 10 minutes in a confirmed safe area and wait for the "count" of shriekers triggered to drop down by 1. You fuck up when you develop hubris and don't look where you're stepping or try to place a torch. Opening chests is the biggest risk because they can trigger a shrieker twice—once when you open the chest and once when you close it.

In a lot of ways, it's an improvement on most other dangerous zones in the game because success really has more to do with your competence than more random factors. In the Nether it is so easy to get killed and lose everything because you were just unlucky (or a Ghast shot a fireball at you while outside render distance...) When you trigger a sculk shrieker it's almost always Your Fault.

Streaming gameplay to a friend definitely makes exploring ancient cities that much more fun. I jumped down from the cave ceiling onto one of the towers and now I'm stuck in the city, and I have triggered like 6 shriekers but haven't seen the Warden yet. I don't know if that's because he didn't spawn for some reason or just that I crouched motionless for long enough that he despawned, or that he's in the city with me and I just haven't SEEN him yet. Which is, if anything, much scarier.

I don't know yet what I think about how the Ancient Cities affect your progression through the game. It's definitely a source of a lot of high-level loot early on, but I don't know how a newer player would fare...

[sage-nebula]

Tails in IDW #54

Okay, I'm sorry, I can't wait. I've gotta talk about Tails in issue #54 and how far he's come and how I will never NOT be on my "he's a hero, not a sidekick" bullshit after this. I'm going to put it under a cut though, in case you haven't read the issue yet / don't want to be spoiled. You can always come back to check it out later! Until then—

So as we saw in the preview pages, we start with this:

I feel like most people know this, but in case you don't: canonically, Tails has a phobia of lightning. Thunder too, in a way, since thunder accompanies lightning, but this is the big one. I don't think we're ever given a specific reason; my headcanon is that lightning was involved in whatever killed his parents, though he doesn't remember it. But it could also be something as simple as "the higher you are, the more likely you are to be struck, and since Tails flies, he has a fear." That's reasonable.

But either way, when asked about whether Surge and Kit having powers that directly relate to Sonic and Tails' biggest fears, the IDW writers said that it was indeed intentional. (It might have been Ian who said this? It was either him or Evan, can't remember which.) Meaning that the writers and artists absolutely had that in mind during this issue, so Tails cringing here on the very first page as he lifts Sonic out of harm's way as best he can is not just because he does tire pretty quickly when carrying Sonic around, but because he is literally facing his biggest phobia in the worst way as he does so. Because this isn't just a random lightning strike; Surge is controlling the lightning and she is targeting him, trying to knock him out of the sky. And then, what do you know—she succeeds!

Tails gets straight up electrocuted and stunned. And as cute as his little dizzy eyes art is, being electrocuted like that is no joke. Sonic get hit with the brunt force of Surge's attack, but it looks like any shocks that hit him were incidental. Tails' whole body is lit up, and he was shocked badly enough that he let go of Sonic's hands, which then allowed Surge to make the collision. His worst nightmare come true, basically.

But does he let that stop him? Does he cower and beg for someone to save him? Nope.

After Whisper loses Cyan to Surge, Tails holds her back from getting herself electrocuted just moments before. (And side note, but he has to literally full-body hug her to hold her back . . . he's so little.) But as he tells her, he's not giving up! Yes, Surge is scary af. Yes, she's weaponizing his greatest fear. But the city being destroyed aside, Whisper's family was taken from her. Sonic is hurt, and can't defend himself well. Like, legitimately, right before Whisper sent Cyan to Sonic's aid:

His knee is shot. He can still move on it, but not well at all. Certainly not well enough to hold Surge off for long. By contrast, his recent electrocution aside, Tails is doing all right. He can still move. And despite how afraid he must be, he's got a plan. And what a plan it is!!

After getting Sonic to lure Surge to an appliance store, Tails uses all the appliances in the basement to drain her power. Basically, causing a power surge, lol. And side note, but this bit right here—

—not to talk about my own works, but it reminded me of what I literally just wrote, wherein Sonic apologized in advance for having to knock AU!Tails out. :') Brothers.

Tails' plan works, but the thing about power surges is that they aren't gentle. They can explode and cause fires. And when that's about to happen (and I imagine Tails has some experience with this due to his workshop lol), what do we get?

Again, lightning is Tails' greatest fear, he has a phobia of it . . . yet here, when stray shocks of electricity are coming off Surge, it's Tails who pushes Sonic behind him, Tails who tackles Sonic out of the way. Again, Sonic is injured; he can move and he can run, but it's difficult. So Tails airlifting him or knocking him out of the way is not a big surprise in that context. But Tails is literally putting himself between Sonic and his own biggest phobia right here, facing his fear not just for himself, but to protect his big bro!! Look how far this baby has come!! This is a huge moment!!

But whoopsie-daisy, who should appear on the scene but the traumatized little boy who was led to believe that his toxic big sister was dead :') And remember how I mentioned earlier that Surge and Kit were designed with Sonic and Tails' biggest fears in mind? Tails' phobia is lightning. Sonic's is water, and drowning. And so when Kit arrives, and discovers that Sonic (unintentionally) lied to him . . .

Kit doesn't dish the same, cold, sadistic drowning statistic / threat that he gave to Tails back when their first encounter happened (because he's far more furious here), but his intention is still pretty clear. He has as much control over water as Surge does over lightning, and he is directly targeting Sonic, who, again . . . has a fear of water, phobia of drowning. But Tails, seeing what's happening (and having been down this road with Kit before) immediately jumps in the way, and uses his tails to disperse the water. Which is a pretty cool trick tbh!! It makes you wonder if perhaps he's done something like this before—if Eggman ever targeted Sonic with the robotic equivalent of a giant fire hose (lol), and Tails learned to deflect bursts of water as a result, to cover for Sonic in situations like this. But then again, Sonic looks pretty shocked in that art above . . . and here:

Like "bro are you seriously taking hits for me right now??" (side note, but Kit asking Sonic, "why would you bother with me, you already have him" is just :( like I fully expected it, but still. ouch.)

And then we get . . . the best most important panel of them all:

Setting aside for a moment how Sonic is a bit panicked about the danger that Tails has put himself in (although we will talk about that more in a second), how many times have we seen this, but reversed? We've seen it over

and over

and over

and over again

Obviously Sonic trusts Tails to back him up in a fight, obviously he's fine with Tails helping him, but when things get really, really dangerous, Sonic protects him. He has kind of a "do as I say, not as I do" approach when it comes to this, where it's fine for him to be in life-threatening danger, but he really doesn't like it when Tails is. Push comes to shove, when things get really bad he'd prefer if Tails was somewhere safe. And this exact gesture, holding out a hand to shield Tails behind him / tell Tails to stay back, is one we see repeated throughout the series.

But here, it's flipped! Sonic is telling him not to—he quite literally yells, "Tails, no!"—but Tails pays this no mind. Water is Sonic's biggest fear, drowning is his phobia. And Tails has faced Kit before, Tails knows how to handle it. So this time, he's the one holding out a hand to shield Sonic, he's the one gesturing for Sonic to stay back, he's the one saying "I got this." Danger level is currently at a point where he needs Sonic off the front lines, and he's the one taking point. And Sonic does not like it (and I don't think Sonic will ever like it tbh, it's a big brother thing), but that's the way it's just gonna be right now as far as Tails is concerned and I mcfucking love it.

(Back to Sonic's perception of the danger: It might seem weird that Sonic was fine with Tails airlifting him during the Surge fight, when she was firing lightning at them, but panics when Tails goes up against someone who can drown him, but this makes sense to me for two reasons. One, on the most basic level, lightning is not Sonic's biggest fear. Obviously being electrocuted is no fun and he is not a fan, but it doesn't set off the panic alarm in his brain that water does. He can get shocked by lightning and get back on his feet pretty quickly; the same can't be said if he's got water being forced into his lungs at a rapid kip. So even though Surge had wisps and Eggman's tech powering her, I think that on a base, primal level, he's more immediately worried about Kit because Kit is the one weaponizing his greatest fear.

On a more story-centric level though, they really didn't have a choice. Surge's speed was manufactured to rival Sonic's own, and he's got a leg injury. He's not fighting her at full power. They can't just leave, because that would leave the citizens in danger (plus she stole Whisper's wisps and Whisper is their friend), but also Sonic can't really fight her on the ground. I don't think he wanted Tails to be in that situation, I think if he could have had it any other way he would have—but in the moment it was the only plan they had, until Tails came up with another one. So that's why I think he was like "we have to keep it up" versus his clear "get out of here" that we see in the basement when Kit attacks him.)

Of course, Surge wakes up and Kit carries her off and that whole bit is also very sweet and sad and tragic and heartwarming—but really, I am just so, so fucking proud of Tails here. He seriously saved the day in this whole issue. Yeah, Surge did get a good hit on him—she was using lightning and he was in the sky, of course she hit him—but who was the one who came up with the plan to stop her? Tails. Who implemented the plan? Tails. Who squared off against Kit when he showed up and reacted exactly the way everyone knew he was going to? Tails. "Sidekick" my damn ass, he deserves the hero label just like Amy and Cream and everyone else in the comic. A sidekick is someone who assists a hero, who reports to them and ultimately answers to them. The hero is in charge, the sidekick is not. But that's really not the case here! Yes, Sonic looks out for Tails—but Tails looks out for Sonic, too. Sonic counts on him as an equal partner, and so calling him a "sidekick" just doesn't feel right. I love the IDW comics, but "tech-savvy sidekick" is always going to annoy tf out of me, lmao.

Anyway. Super proud of Tails. He shined in this whole issue. He deserves the whole entire world, or at least a bowl of mint choco chip ice cream. I hope when all this is said and done, he gets some.

Can't wait for issue #55!!

[writing-whump]

it's not my fault i'm in love with him. 😄🎉🎢🤢🤮 for Matt? my baby boy

From this ask game. Thanks for the ask, Soup!💕

The trio has a bonding moment experience with Vienna roller coasters. Matthew eats too much before a ride. Warning for motion sickness and emeto.

Unexpected turns

"Everyone celebrates the end of a semester, not the start of it," Matthew said, pouting his way to Prater. It was the biggest and most famous roller coaster side of Vienna - he had quite a view of it from the economy uni campus - but he hadn't been there for years. It was for little kids, damn it.

"No can do," Seline said cheerfully, determined to keep up a good mood. "We should celebrate all new beginnings and endings. And beginning semester isn't something to mourn, thank you."

"Speak for yourself. Only you can be happy about school staring," Matthew grumbled.

"What can I do? I hold the seminars now," she said smugly.

"Look at you, not losing any humility over it," Isaiah said with a snicker. He had a long black coat and by all means looked like a parent escorting them to the roller coasters. How did he make himself so much older and more serious just by looking and acting elegant? It was annoying.

"That's rich coming from 'my research project is financed directly by the government for my incredibly important goal of city planning development for mental welfare'," Seline said, turning to stick out her tounge at him.

She was so impressed and proud of Isaiah getting the position like it was her doing or something. Matthew could just roll his eyes.

When Isaiah was smooth enough not to bring it up, she always had to.

"So, what do you guys want to do first?" Isaiah asked.

Seline looked pointedly to the giant ferris wheel.

Matthew groaned. "Oh come on. At least choose something for adults."

"That's exactly for adults. You can have lunch up there, did you know? There is an awesome view with a map and it's slow enough to-"

"Exactly my point. It's slow. Let's go to something real."

"Something scary to get sick over? No way," Seline protested. "Though I wouldn't mind a big boat. The way the high swings make your stomach jump is amazing."

"And you don't wanna get sick, eh?" Matthew shook his head.

"I never get sick on boats. I love the feeling. I just don't want to scream my head off on those fast ones with crazy angled turns."

Matthew rolled his eyes. "Then our ways will be parting, I'm afraid."

Seline huffed, but she followed him to the rides nonetheless, waiting at the bench in front of it.

There was lots of fire in that sweet blond disposition of hers, and she wasn't one to back down in the smallest of things. As if sticking to her decisions was a moral mission of hers. But she still went with them, determined to make this a bonding experience.

Once you got behind the rage at how wolves treated witches and the push for affiliation with packs, Seline was actually quite lonely. It was something he was realizing only now that they were living together. Introvert alright, but even they needed contact.

On the other hand Isaiah couldn't say no to either of them. Too gracious to leave Seline alone, but when she sat down at the bank it didn't take that much convincing to get him to join him.

Matthew was excited. It was with big disappointment that he realized that not even the most brutal of roller coasters provoked any interesting reaction from Isaiah. The raven was as stoic and smooth as ever. The maximum he got was an amused smile here and there.

Maybe not everyone had to be so vocal about their emotions. Isaiah was more of a holding it all in kind of guy.

Matthew wasn't going to let that ruin the rides though. After he found the hammer, he rediscovered his childhood passion for the crazy turns and speed and couldn't get enough of them.

He could laugh and scream however he wanted, thank you.

And watching Seline's reaction was a joy. They varied between disbelieving, horrified and actually worried. Matthew got a record on the Mamba and Hammer while she shook even watching them get on and off.

When they opted for lunch at one of the cafes, Matthew had his voice almost screamed off, but he felt so happy with the adrenaline waves he had to admit it.

This was a great idea.

Seline still watched him in disbelief, like he grew a second head, but she was smiling and playing with her rings self-consciously in a way he learned to recognize. Nervous and hopeful and overthinking this. She was really trying.

The realization prompted a wave of affection swell up in his chest and he followed the impulse to throw an arm around her waist. She squealed, but didn't protest.

Matthew didn't stop there and grabbed Isaiah as well. The guy was way too polite about personal space to be spontaneous.

Matthew happily secured both of them, with himself in the middle. Seline was giggling like a little girl and Isaiah was pointedly looking away, trying to not let them see the insistent smile.

Matthew was getting more and more convinced that if those two ever acted on their attraction to each other, he of all people, would have to be the one initiating it. It was incredibly tiring just watching them skate around the issue for eternity.

Seline treated dating like job interviews - here are the 100 questions about our political and philosophical alignment plus the 5 tests on unexpected reactions and loyalty. Brrr.

Isaiah had his closeness issues of being nice to everyone and not particular to anyone. And there were the secrets and mysteries and closed doors Matthew had the feeling would have to force his way through to find out anything. Somebody would have to take them all down.

The living together helped in the sense that wolves were very territorial. Sharing close space meant they treated each other like a pack on instinct, no mind the formalities. And just like Isaiah planned, other packs saw them similarly and were much more reluctant to pick fights with them.

In no time the three of them became touchy about the shared apartment and there was the unspoken reluctance to bring visitors lightly. Thank god neither of them was into casual dating or one night stands, or that could have been a problem.

If there was a spectrum between "roomates" and a "pack" they wouldn't be quite there yet, but they would be moving up on it.

The realization, the thrill of the ride, the effort they were all obviously taking to make this work formed an new kind of untrained happiness around them as they ordered food.

Matthew felt genuinely happy. Something about having steady friends, roomates to come back to, have someone take time for him and indulge his ideas was creating incredibly strong feeling of peace and steadiness against his normally easily irrated personality. Maybe being angry and a troublemaker wasn't all he could be. Not by a long shot.

They ordered three giant meals that they shared around to get good taste. Isaiah came with the idea for proper Aperol Spritz and Seline insisted on trying out the cakes and coffee.

Matthew didn't even notice through all their grant ideas about what else to order that Seline focused too much on her Sachertorte to finish her gaint salad and that Isaiah let him eat most of his Schnitzel.

At the end, Matthew was panting with the extertion of fitting all of that food in, while the two had the audacity to watch him with taunting smiles.

"How can you fit all of that in?" Seline asked, sipping on her coffee. She always had coffee after food.

"Cause I'm no lightweight like you. Couldn't you have just taken the cake? It's the only thing you finished."

"It's a celebration!" Seline protested with a grin.

Matthew muffled a burp against his hand. His stomach was bulged out, pressing against his pants. He was satisfyingly full.

Seline scrunched her eyebrows at him playfully.

"What? My heroic effort is saving the food here, so I don't want to hear any complains," Matthew said with a shrug.

"Alright, Mr Hero. I'll ask for the check and we can go home," Isaiah said, nodding to the waiter.

"Home? Already? We still got time till it gets dark." Matthew didn't want this moment to end. Or this day. It was way too enjoyable, like a new era was starting for him.

"You can't actually want to ride anything after eating all that," Seline said, pointing at the series of empty plates on the table.

"Oh, you wanna bet?" Matthew leaned forward eagerly.

"Please, don't challenge him," Isaiah groaned.

"No, I'm serious," Matthew interrupted. "I didn't expect this to be so fun," he grinned at Seline, indirectly giving her the credit.

Seline shook her head in exasperation, blushing slightly. "I don't mind staying longer if you guys want to," she said, eyes wandering to the floor.

Matthew loved seeing this shyer side of her. It came out only when she wasn't unsure about something - which wasn't a lot - but social interactions belonged to it.

"Not too long. Just one last ride at the hammer," he promised.

Selime opted for waving them from a nearby seat at the fountains as they went to buy the coupons. Matthew had been on the hammer 3 times today already and he couldn't get enough of it. The feeling of somersaults in the air and the fast up and down movement with the spinning head left him crazy thrilled.

Isaiah watched him with an raised eyebrow as he got them both the entrance coupons and climbed up in their seats. Matthew just snickered at his concern, so the other man dutifully got his seat beat on as well.

It was middle of the second week of the semester, so Prater was empty, except for some schools kids coming in early after class. There was no better opportunity to enjoy his favourite brand of a roller coaster.

The steel of the pole keeping him in the seat felt tighter than the previous times, but Matthew didn't pay it any mind. He spend the slow ride up to the top with anticipatory grin and an occasional wave towards Seline's fountain.

And then the somersaults started.

Matthew's stomach twisted on the inside with the sudden movement. His head was spinning in a way that wasn't enjoyable in the slightest. He lost any sense of direction and orientation as if his head detached itself and simply rotated in the air, while his stomach stayed somewhere at the top of the roller coaster, not keeping up.

The wagon came to a sudden stop before speeding up again to start all over. Matthew braced against his seat, iron grip on the pole in front of him. The nausea hit him like a bus. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't tell right from left. Everything was spinning and he was very aware of his lunch twisting inside him. Like someone dropped stones into him and then started shaking them.

And then the whole ride started all over.

It was plain torture. Matthew kept all his effort on gripping the pole, closing his eyes in the process, hoping it might help with the nausea. But he felt the last bits of Schnitzel and cake mixing together at the back of his tounge. He just wanted the thing to stop.

Matthew didn't realize the hammer stopped until he felt someone's hand on his shoulder. "Matthew? Come on, it's over."

Matthew opened his eyes to slits to see Isaiah leaning over him. It wasn't enough to discern his expression though and the mere attempt had his head spinning anew.

Isaiah seemed to understand something was wrong, because he reached around him to open his seat belt and gently coaxed his hands from the pole. He was hoisting Matthew up by the elbow soon after.

Matthew followed Isaiah's effort and direction, not trying to decide anything for himself.

His stomach finally caught up with the somersaults, flipping itself up and down, right to left. Without Isaiah's strength his legs would have given up several times, except the raven always steadied him and kept them moving.

They stumbled around the back of the roller coaster to a green area, barely covered by a few bushes.

"There is a bathroom around the cor-"

Matthew interrupted him with a loud retch, stumblig forward. The pain in his stomach was coming in waves, contracting in and out.

Isaiah braced an arm against this chest and Matthew grabbed on to it with both hands as he heaved. A torrent of chunky vomit flew out of his mouth. He shook with the force, tipping forward. Isaiah braced against him to keep him up.

Just in time for round two. Matthew's body doubled over in half, projectile vomiting over Isaiah's arm.

"Okay, you are okay. Just get it up," Isaiah said, rubbing Matthew's back with the hand that wasn't currently serving as Matthew's guardrail.

Matthew could taste the whole menu coming back up, the chunky meat, the mushy cake and the soup and cola in a disgusting mix. He heaved over the grossest itself, surprised his body could still jump with so much energy.

The last wave was mostly liquid and finally allowed him a break.

Matthew panted heavily. His shirt was sticking to him, he completely sweated through it as if he jumped in a pool. He was shaking with the effort of the heaves, bracing against Isaiah and blinking dazedly.

"Better?" Isaiah asked with a sarcastic half-smile.

His stomach felt like a warezone, still flipping and twisting. He spat on the ground, which made him dry heave, but nothing else came up.

"That hurt," he croaked, one hand still holding Isaiah's arm, the going to massage the offended organ.

"I told you that wasn't a good idea right after eating," Isaiah said nonchalantly. He stayed rooted to the place, letting Matthew breathe and slowly lift himself up.

Matthew wanted to glare, but all he managed was squint at the sun. His head was still swimming and his stomach hurt like crazy. The vomiting helped with the nausea at least, though he still felt full and achy.

"You did. And yet you came with me anyway," the red haired man grumbled. It wasn't fair Isaiah got to be right and not sick at the same time.

"I didn't eat half as much as you," Isaiah said, steering Matthew away from the mess pooling at their feet. Matthew was grateful for it, cause the smell was suffocating. "And someone had to keep an eye on you."

Matthew swallowed the saliva overflowing his mouth experimentally. He was too sick to care at the time, but the emberessment was catching up to him.

"Don't tell Seline?" Matthew tried.

"I think she noticed. Asked the guy at the controls to stop it earlier."

"Ugh. What cued her in?"

"You weren't laughing on the zoomed in pictures," Isaiah said.

She was taking pictures of them on the rides? Oh my.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to ruin-"

"Oh, shush. You didn't ruin anything," Isaiah said, carefully pushing Matthew's arm around his neck. "Don't know why you wanted to make yourself sick though."

"Thought I could take it," Matthew said tiredly, feeling stupid himself. He leaned against Isaiah, not minding how pathetic that must have looked as they maneuvered back into the street between the attractions and stands.

Matthew rested his weight on Isaiah gratefully as he watched Seline buying a set of water bottles from the nearby stand. Somehow she always managed to be very practical, when it came to a crisis situation. The picture of calm. Just like Isaiah.

He coughed and smiled to himself. Not just fair weather friends he got himself, eh?

[nothorses]

hi! u can ignore this of course but I’ve just decided i’m trans again (long journey) and I had some questions and idk who to ask!!! again you can totally ignore this if you want!!! like i literally rediscovered i might (probably am) a trans guy last night and i’m sort of freaking out as for now. when i first thought i was trans i didn’t really like myself so this was easier but now i do and it’s sort of a totally different experience than what i was used to.

A big worry is, I like my face. like, I really like it and really care about being pretty and I don’t dislike myself generally just think i’d make more sense as a guy and that I’d be happier like that. i’d like to look a bit more masculine but just enough to look like a really pretty guy instead of a woman. can i still be trans or like should i look into my feelings being about something else ? and is there any chance i could achieve what i want with my face while still taking T (I really want the fat redistribution)? I’m also absolutely terrified about losing my hair and i’d heard it depends on my father? but i took the hair gene from mom? i don’t know.

I’m also really worried about dating? I’m bisexual but I’ll probably just date men (i like masc women but have never really met any that aren’t lesbians). I’m not mourning being able to be with straight men bc i’ve really always avoided them (no shade i just never could stand the thought of dating them which is actually one of the reasons i figured out i was probably not comfortable being a girl). Still I’m worried that queer guys won’t look at me twice?

I’m also going to be in a new, big city in september and should i just start by telling people i’m a guy? since i’m long-haired and don’t plan on changing that and i definitely won’t be on hormones or anything by then, I certainly will not be passing. I can do some voice training but I’m not sure to what degree that will help. I’m thin and have no curves that can be seen through most clothes so i don’t think that when clothed anything will be just outright obvious but i think if i speak to people it will definitely be obvious. should i specify i’m trans or just introduce myself with my very obvious male name and give no more explanation? I’m also autistic and was already terrified of never making friends (i have a good group now and tbh there’s no chance they’re going to be cool about this and i’m already mourning them lmao) and now the fear is worse.

If I had to weigh pros and cons i’d definitely say there are no pros to this thing that i’m thinking of doing, but i can’t imagine any future as a woman, (maybe not really as a man either but if i had to choose). I have trouble imagining myself with a straight man or in a wedding dress at this point or things like that, and there’s just been this disconnect lately. i like myself when i look in the mirror but maybe i’m just excited about being conventionally attractive. Still when I imagine myself it’s a flat-chested person. I’ve also been fighting for my life to not be trans so that might mean something. I’m afraid on wasting another two years on thinking i’m trans when i’m not, but the more i’ve grown comfortable and comfortable with myself the more i realized i couldn’t relate to women. Now that I’ve figured out i’m wondering about how to get through the summer w people that don’t know me and wearing a certain kind of clothes. I’m so worried.

Sorry for the vent or whatever this is. you can ignore and i do realize i sound absolutely crazy i’m just freaking out atm.

First off- congratulations on the gender journey! I know how hard it can be to go through something like this, but coming to understand yourself better is such a wonderful, rewarding, relieving experience, and I'm so glad you're taking steps towards what feels good for you.

And second- it's normal for that to be scary, too. It's normal to feel some fear and hesitation when you start to unravel who you are, and what that might mean. You're not alone!

It sounds like you might be feeling some time pressure around this, and my first piece of advice is that if you are feeling like there's a deadline and you need to rush to a conclusion or action before then, that's a really good sign that you need to take a step back, slow down, and breathe. It's normal to feel some urgency with this sort of thing, but ask yourself where that's coming from. It's one thing to want to "stop wasting time" because you know what you want & you don't want to keep waiting for it, but it's another entirely to feel like you have to make a decision to meet some kind of arbitrary deadline.

If you aren't sure what you want but you feel pressured to make a decision anyway, you should slow down. If that deadline is being imposed by some external force, ask yourself what it might look like (and feel like) to slow down and miss that deadline anyways. I really love the phrase "slow down to speed up": most of the time, trying to rush something causes complications and missteps that make the whole thing take a lot longer than if you'd just slowed down and done it right in the first place! If you're not ready, you're not ready. Let yourself be ready at your own pace.

That aside, I'll try to answer your other questions:

"can i still be trans or like should i look into my feelings being about something else?"

You can do whatever you want forever! There's no benchmark you need to meet in order to be trans, and nobody else can tell you if you're trans or not. Honestly, I recommend setting that whole label aside for a while, if you feel bogged down by this kind of question. Who cares if you "count" as trans or not? What matters is what you want, who you want to be, and what feels good to you. Labels should be used to describe what you already know about yourself, not the other way around.

Lots of trans people want the exact same thing you've expressed here, so you wouldn't be alone! And some cis people want that, too.

"is there any chance i could achieve what i want with my face while still taking T (I really want the fat redistribution)?"

Yes, there's a chance! How T impacts you is super dependent on genetics, so you may end up looking the way you want to... and you might not! I also personally found that what I wanted from T actually changed after I went on it; I ended up loving a lot of the changes that I thought I wouldn't like so much. Ultimately, my decision to go on T was mostly based around the knowledge that I was not happy with my body as it was, I did want a lot of the effects of T, and I decided I would be happier rolling the dice and trading off what I didn't like then for what I might not like later. I also decided that I could go off T at any time if I decided that I didn't want those changes anymore, and that I would be making the decision to be on T each time I took it, rather than once and forever.

"I’m also absolutely terrified about losing my hair and i’d heard it depends on my father? but i took the hair gene from mom?"

Male pattern baldness (MPB) comes through the X chromosome. If you have XY chromosomes (like most people who are AMAB), you inherit one X chromosome from your mother, and one Y chromosome from your father. If you have XX chromosomes (like most people who are AFAB), you get one X chromosome from each parent, so you can inherit MPB from either parent.

MPB is also treatable; if your hair starts to thin an abnormal amount, or if you're just worried about it (or have MPB on both sides of your family) you can ask your doctor about treatment options. There are topical options as well as oral medications, and while I have heard it's much harder to reverse, it's actually fairly easy to prevent.

"I’m worried that queer guys won’t look at me twice"

My boyfriend is a cis queer man... many such cases. Queer guys will absolutely look at you twice. Some will look at you thrice. Many will look at you twice entirely because you are trans, and some of those will be doing so because trans people are hot and they see us as people (and not just sex objects for their own benefit).

Also, I really recommend basing your transition on your personal happiness with your body and self first; if the people around you can't be happy for you, they genuinely are not worth keeping around. People who care about you in a real and healthy way will be happy for your happiness!

I'm so serious about this, anon. My dad changed his whole opinion on trans people when I came out because he a) did not want to lose me, and b) saw that it made me happy. The man was conservative (and maybe still is...?), but he cares about me enough that he reconsidered his whole worldview for me. You deserve that kind of love. Everyone does.

"I’m also going to be in a new, big city in september and should i just start by telling people i’m a guy?"

I like your idea of just telling folks you're a guy with no further explanation! This also really depends on where you're going, if you think you'll be safe in doing this, how long you'll be there, if you'll be starting T/expect to see changes.... etc. If you were, for example, going to Seattle for a few months and wanted to try the "guy" hat on for a bit just to see how it feels, I'd say go for it! If you feel like you'll be reasonably safe and you think this is the way you'll want to continue to be perceived for some time, that would also probably be a solid choice. But it's context-dependent, and I think you might need to feel it out for yourself and ask some folks with more context!

I also want to challenge the "girl/guy" binary I think I'm reading in your ask: you don't have to choose one or the other! Nonbinary people exist, and there is such an incredible range of experiences and genders outside of the male/female binary. So many people relate to so many of them, in so many different ways! Infinite gender experiences! If you feel comfortable as a man, that's awesome; if you feel like you might be something else entirely, or both, or one of them and some other stuff, that's also great! If this is all new to you, please take some time to learn more about nonbinary genders & experiences from nonbinary people. I promise it's more than worth it.

You are not alone, there are so many people who will love you for whoever you are, and good luck!