#i was born fucked up i would be fine if i just Went Outside and Made Friends

[starkwlkr]

Could I request a Hugh Jackman x Reader (in the same universe you have set up with their 3 kids, I love that sm) Where the reader is pregnant with their first baby (Alex iirc) and they haven't told anyone, but there'a rumors, so the paparazzi swarm Hugh and Reader, trying to get a good picture of any supposed baby bump so they can break the news and Hugh gets super protective-

little secret | hugh jackman

an: thanks for the request!! we finally get some baby alex even if he technically isn’t born in this fic lol BUT OMG THIS GIF IM DEAD DYING GONE

1999

When Hugh told you the news that he had gotten the part of Wolverine, you were so happy for him. In a few months, he would leave to go get fitted for his costume, train, film. You weren’t worried, but Hugh was.

You were pregnant with your first child and he obviously didn’t want to leave you alone. You assured him you and the baby would be fine. You had friends and family that called and visited you regularly so technically you weren’t alone.

After two months of being away from each other, you finally made a visit to the set. You were amazed with everything from the props to everyone’s costumes. It wouldn’t take long for you to join the same hero universe, just with a different team.

Your bump was somewhat visible. Only your families and close friends knew. And now, of course, Hugh’s new cast mates knew. Halle and Famke were so happy to finally meet you and your bump.

“Oh, you guys are going to be the best parents! Do you know the gender?” Halle asked.

“It’s a boy.” You confirmed with a smile.

“His name is going to be Alex.” Hugh added.

For a while, only a couple knew about baby Jackman. You weren’t taking any acting jobs at the moment and the media was starting to wonder. Did you retire? Or maybe it was a short break? You went from wearing your normal clothes to wearing Hugh’s clothes or oversized sweaters. It didn’t take long for talk show hosts to start theorizing about your sudden change in wardrobe.

You didn’t pay attention to the media. You hardly did. It didn’t phase you until one day when you were out with Hugh on a walk in Los Angeles. It was a day off for him and a walk seemed like a good idea at the time. Both you and Hugh wore sunglasses. Since it was sunny out, you wore a flowy dress. Again, your bump was somewhat noticeable, but you didn’t think the paparazzi were going to shove cameras in your face. You just wanted a peaceful day with your husband.

“We should’ve stayed in bed.” You whispered to Hugh. You were currently in a clothing store with Hugh. The paparazzi weren’t doing a very good job of hiding, they were waiting outside for you ready to capture pictures.

“I would say let’s make a run for it but I don’t want you or Alex to get hurt.” Hugh placed a kiss on your lips.

“Let’s go home. I’ll just put my bag over my stomach.” You sighed. So much for having a peaceful day …

So after paying for your items, Hugh took your hand and made sure you were ready to face the flashing lights. He made sure you were ready before you headed out.

Immediately the flashing lights hurt your eyes. This was hell.

“Show us the bump!”

“Is it a girl? A boy?”

“Can I get a picture of the bump?”

Hugh held you close to him. When it came time to protect you and the baby, he was ready to fight whoever got too close. Eventually you made it to the car. Hugh made sure to get you in first so he walked with you to your side and opened the door, letting you in quickly. Still the paparazzi followed. After shutting the door, Hugh warned the paparazzi to not get any closer.

“Just show us the bump!” A man said.

“Shut the fuck up!” Hugh pushed past the paparazzi and walked to the driver’s side of the car. If it were legal, he would’ve definitely run someone over. “You alright, love?”

You nodded, taking a deep breath in. “You think we’ll make the cover? I think ‘baby on board!’ is going to be the headline.” You joked, cracking a smile.

[boonasaurusrex]

I feel like the fucking Patrick meme

"Your Specific Acronym is defined by wild swings from extreme highs to very low lows"

"Yes."

"You were diagnosed because you exhibit these behaviors."

"Yep."

"The medication you've been prescribed helps to level those swings"

"Absolutely."

"The medication has been having less of an effect recently."

"Yeah, I made an appointment to get them readjusted"

"That means the old behaviors are coming back."

"Yep, on it"

"You've been riding a strong high for the past several days"

"Uh huh"

"Which means a low is coming and is simply a symtom of The Illness"

"No actually I'm just physically repulsive and incapable of love and all of my coworkers (not friends because I can't make friends) hate me and are mocking me at every turn and I'll never make a human connection again in my life because I'm so repulsive and weird and isolated. These are intrinsic truths that have nothing to do with current events :)))))))))"

[anonymous-dentist]

On April 25, Cellbit finds himself crashing onto a tropical island filled with the weirdest goddamn people he's ever met in his life.

(On one side of the glass is Cellbit. On the other is a man in a red hoodie who takes one look at Cellbit and winks before rushing to talk to the other trapped Brazilians.

For a moment, Cellbit swears there's a spark- a literal pink spark in the air directly between the two of them where they had locked eyes, and he swears that the man's eyes glitter the same pink just for a second.

But that's ridiculous. It's probably a concussion. Or something.)

On April 26, Cellbit wakes up to a heavy pain in his chest and back and a foreign weight to his limbs as he tries rolling over in bed. There's a pressure behind his eyes, all... all two of them.

Cellbit's eyelids twitch unhappily as a ray of incoming sunlight hits them from the window.

He hisses, and that's when he notices two very important things:

He doesn't have two eyes. He knows the familiar discomfort of keeping one's eyes closed when they're ready to open, and he can recognize the fact that this discomfort is multiplied by goddamn two. That makes... four eyes.

He isn't in his own bed. He went to sleep without a blanket or a pillow, just his hat and his jacket because, big surprise, spending most of the day in a cave didn't get him any luxuries besides a sore back and a definitely-not-dead child.

Cellbit opens his eyes, all four of them, and he's only a little surprised to see that he is not, in fact, in his own house.

"What?" he croaks.

He grimaces. Sore throat, almost like he'd been screaming in his sleep. Nothing he isn't used to, but it doesn't feel right in this body. In... whoever's body this is.

He pushes himself so that he's sitting up and against the wall. His chest pulls with every movement of his arms, muscles twinging in pain, and it almost reminds him of the War, almost. (He caused wounds like this, anyway. He didn't get hurt like this. He was too good.)

He looks down. Spider-Man boxer briefs. Naked chest, huge scar cut across the middle of it over his heart. Hairy legs, bruised arms and knuckles.

Vaguely, he thinks that he recognizes the house. Kinda. Sort of. Maybe? But he'd only seen the outside, and it would be crazy if his soulmate turned out to be that guy.

But, well. There's only one spider hybrid on the island that Cellbit knows about. Maybe there are more, but he's pretty sure that he met everyone yesterday. (He thinks; he was pretty distracted by the whole what the fuck I have a child now??? thing.)

Cellbit should be happy. And he kinda feels like it, in a distant way. But it's with a sense of numb fear that he grabs Roier's communicator off of the bedside table and opens a new message with... himself? His comm. That Roier has. Because he's in his body. At his house.

[iRoier whispers to Cellbit: I think we have a problem]

-

When Cellbit had finally officially turned 16 years old, Bad sat down in the middle of a warzone and told him that, one of these days, he might wake up in the body of one of his enemies.

"What?" Cellbit had grimaced, blood coating his face and crusting under his nails. "Why? Is that a new origin or something?"

Bad shook his head. "No, you goof. It's a soulmate thing. You know. Soulmates."

And that's when he realized that Cellbit's amnesia really was, in fact, amnesia. Of course he wouldn't have remembered his parents giving him the Soulmate Talk, Cellbit- at the time- didn't believe that he even had parents. ("I was born from blood, and to blood I shall return," he said when Bad tried asking, so Bad stopped bothering after a while.)

And so it fell to BadBoyHalo to give Cellbit the Soulmate Talk.

"When you turn 16, the universe assigns you a soulmate," Bad had explained. "And when you meet that soulmate, you'll both switch bodies with each other overnight. It'll only last 24 hours, though, so it should be fine if you meet your soulmate out here."

Cellbit had blinked, confused. "What? Ew, no."

Because, as romantic as the idea of soulmates sounds, Cellbit was a 16-year-old boy. Why would he give a shit about his soulmate when he could be thinking about, like, blood and violence and stuff.

By the time Cellbit was arrested, he had finally warmed up to the idea of having a soulmate if only because having someone assigned to him by the universe meant that there'd be someone on the outside willing to break him out of prison and help him get his revenge on all the fuckers who had dared try and mess with him while he was in there.

But then, after prison- after everything, Cellbit had realized that maybe he wasn't meant to have a soulmate, after all. Why would he? Why would the universe be so kind as to give him someone to care about who would actually love him back? Who would like him back?

Whoever his soulmate might've been, Cellbit had always hoped that they were dead. They'd be better off dead than stuck with a monster like him.

-

By the time Roier makes it to his own house, the sun is high in the sky and Cellbit has managed to find a a shirt and a pair of shorts to throw on on top of his underwear. (On top of Roier's underwear?)

Bobby is still asleep upstairs, Cellbit thinks. At least, he hasn't heard anything from him. Should he be worried?

But then Cellbit looks out the window and watches his body trip over itself on the dirt and faceplant, and, well, Bobby can wait.

Roier's body is... heavy as Cellbit pulls a pair of shoes on. It doesn't want to cooperate, but that can't be right, it's supposed to be natural. Or something. Cellbit thinks. Maybe.

So he doesn't actually know how soulmates work, but it's supposed to be natural, right? That's how he remembers Bad explaining it, but he also remembers Bad having as much emotional awareness as a rock.

Vaguely, he wonders if the problem isn't with the fact that it's Cellbit being in Roier's body but that it's because it's Roier's body and that this is just how it is for Roier all the time. But that's none of Cellbit's business.

(Yet.)

(Maybe.)

(Eventually?)

(Turn the detective brain off, fuck.)

Whatever!

Cellbit runs out the door and goes to help Roier up. He isn't hurt at all as Roier swears at him and grumbles and pushes himself up onto his knees.

"I'm fine," he insists. "See?"

He gestures towards himself with a sharp-toothed grin, eyes squinted shut, and, wow, it's weird for Cellbit to see himself smile. His body doesn't really... do that. It's unnatural. Kinda creepy, like looking into a fucked-up mirror.

Cellbit offers an awkward smile in response, and it hurts. Not his face, no, his soul. Well, not his soul, because that would be silly, but some weird little part inside his Everything stings and pulses with a dull, throbbing pain so sudden and harsh that his throat chokes up and tears threaten to well up in Cellbit's eyes.

With a shuddering breath, Cellbit drops his smile and his eyes. He looks at the ground, and he says, "Uh. We should talk inside, maybe?"

He doesn't wait for a response before turning on his heel and walking back into Roier's house. He does hold the door open, though, remembering that Roier's house has that weird security thing on the door that keeps everybody but him out.

"Your legs are too short," Roier complains as he brushes past Cellbit and walks into the house. "I keep tripping over shit."

"...I'm sorry?" Cellbit offers. (He internally smacks himself. No, stupid, why is he sorry? He can't control his genetics, fuck!)

Roier waves him off. "Nah, it's fine. It's just for today, right?"

He sits at his table with a groan, eyes slipping shut and head tilting over the back of the chair. He looks so... calm. Which means that Cellbit's actual real normal face looks calm, and that's weird. He doesn't do calm.

Hesitantly, Cellbit joins him at the table. He sits directly opposite him, leg bouncing nervously, hands clasped in his lap.

And then? Silence. Absolutely nothing but the slight rattle of the table as Cellbit's (Roier's?) knee bumps against it and the quiet sound of snoring from upstairs. (So Bobby is still asleep. That's normal, right?)

Cellbit glances at the goggles still firmly on his body's head.

"Thanks for keeping them on," he lamely says.

Roier hums a question mark and cracks an eye open, following Cellbit's gaze. He smiles, then, small and clearly fake.

"Hey, man, it's fine," he replies. "It kind of hurts, but it's fine."

Cellbit winces. "I mean, you can take them off! It's fine, it's just us."

Roier shrugs, but he doesn't move to take the goggles off.

Quiet again.

This is... fine. It's fine! Cellbit's soulmate is just a guy who probably maybe dislikes him, that's all. It's nothing he wasn't expecting from his soulmate, he knows how he is as a person. Roier is probably just disappointed, that's all.

"We don't have to do anything, you know," Cellbit says after a moment.

He looks back down at the table as Roier sits up to look at him.

Cellbit wrings his hands together, fingers hooking together and pulling-pushing and they throb from the bruises, and where did Roier get them, anyway? From the pattern, Cellbit would say Roier had punched something, but here are also small cuts indicating the involvement of glass, and-

(Detective brain. Off.)

"I mean, it's crazy, right?" Cellbit laughs weakly. "Us, soulmates? We don't even know each other."

"I mean, yeah, but that's normal, I think. You don't know your soulmate until you meet them, that's how it works."

"I guess? But-"

"And!" Roier interjects. "I know you better already! You sleep with your sword and you have cat ears, that's more than I know about half of my dates!"

Cellbit winces at the mention of his ears, but he manages to huff out a quiet laugh. He even feels himself smile, though it hurts bad enough for him to force it away after a moment.

"Okay," he breathes, and he looks up to meet Roier's (his own?) eyes. "So... it's fine?"

"What the fuck do you think I've been saying, pendejo?" Roier exclaims. He reaches across the table and lightly taps Cellbit on the forehead between his top set of eyes. "I know my body isn't deaf, so start listening."

He sits again, continuing speaking before Cellbit can say anything:

"I don't know you, and that's fine. You don't know me, and that's fine. You threatened my son yesterday, and that's fine. I'll threaten your son to make it even."

"Hey!" Cellbit protests.

Roier ignores him and keeps talking. "We're stuck on this island, Cellbit. We aren't allowed to leave. If we try, Osito Bimbo shoots us. So that gives us plenty of time to get to know each other."

Cellbit's eyes widen in alarm. "We're what?"

He thinks he remembers somebody mentioning that to him and the others yesterday, but there was so much going on that he didn't really register it. Prison, again? At least it's open-air this time...

Roier shrugs his concerns off with a literal wave of the hand. "So see? It's fine. We'll figure each other out, and then we'll kiss and have sex and stuff. Right?"

"Um," Cellbit stammers, the tips of his ears going red. "Maybe just the kissing part."

"Sure, sure. Point is..." Roier stands out of his chair and leans across the table, reaching down and pulling Cellbit's hands out of his lap. He holds them and looks Cellbit in the eyes and gravely asks, "...Cellbit, will you be my soulmate?"

Cellbit rolls his eyes and gently pulls his hands away. "I don't think I get a choice."

"Aw, come on! You're no fun," Roier pouts.

"There, that's a third thing you know about me."

"Shut up, what the fuck?"

And as the argument continues, the weight in Cellbit's heart slowly starts to lift. Just a little, because it's just the beginning, but maybe... maybe having a soulmate won't be that bad, after all.

-_-_-_-

A/N:

Thank you so much for reading! Please reblog maaaaaaaybe with a comment or a tag and tell me what you think! Or send an ask, I'm fine with anything!

[ryin-silverfish]

Nezha the Demon Child: oh god not the discourse

…I promise, this isn't about Nezha's age. No, really, it isn't.

It's about this idea of pre-resurrection Nezha as a "Demon Child", and good lord that's just as discourse-worthy isn't it.

My short answer is "It's Nezha 2019 specific and doesn't quite work outside of that context, if you are using FSYY's version of Nezha's backstory."

My long answer is this entire post.

First, I must define what I mean by "Nezha as Demon Child". It's the popular fanon inspired by 2019! Nezha, who is the Demon Pearl incarnate as opposed to 2019! Ao Bing's Spirit Pearl, after 2019! Shen Gongbao switched the two around, and thus destined to be destroyed by divine thunderbolts in three years.

In the movie, Nezha's demonic birth and out-of-control powers makes him into an outcast, despised by the villagers, and he retaliated with some pretty mean pranks.

But whereas 2019! Nezha's parents still love him and try their best to give him a good childhood in those three years, in the "Demon Child" fanon of JTTW adjacent works, Li Jing is the one who despises Nezha and sees him as a demon from the moment of his birth, and sometimes Jinzha and Muzha too.

Now, I have made it pretty clear before that I'm not a big fan of Li Jing. However, if we are just looking at FSYY novel, how much support can we really find for the "Demon Child" idea?

Well, for starters: there is only the Spirit Pearl/Lingzhu Zi in FSYY proper, who reincarnated as Nezha, destined to become the Vanguard of the Zhou Army in the upcoming War of the Investiture.

When Lady Yin gives birth to a ball of flesh after 3 years of pregnancy, two servants report to Li Jing that she has given birth to a demon. Li Jing rushes into the room with a sword and cuts the ball open, and a little kid jumps out and starts running around, and this is Li Jing's reaction:

李靖骇异，上前一把抱将起来，分明是个好孩子，又不忍作为妖怪坏他性命。乃递与夫人看。彼此恩爱不舍，各各忧喜。

Rough translation: "Shocked, Li Jing stepped forth and lifted him up into his arms; such a fine child. He could not bring himself to harm the child as a demon. Then he passed him over to his wife, and the couple showered him with affection, despite their individual joys and worries."

The next day, Taiyi showed up to congratulate him, asked about the timing of his son's birth, and basically went "Ah, crap." See, because the child is born at the hour of Chou, he is destined to break 1700 prohibitions against killing. Right after dropping that bombshell, Taiyi named the child Nezha, took him as his disciple, and just…left.

Soon, Li Jing got a report that 400 vassals had rebelled all over the realms, because prior to this, King Zhou had summoned his four major dukes to the capital, killed two of them, imprisoned one, and only left Chong Houhu the asshole bootlicker untouched, at which point the two dead dukes' sons promptly rebelled.

As Nezha grew to the age of seven, Li Jing was still conducting drills in case of an attack by the new Duke of the East's rebel army.

So what does it all mean?

Well…it sure doesn't support the idea that Li Jing despised Nezha because he still thought the child was a demon after cutting open the meatball.

He could plausibly be unsettled by the whole "break 1700 prohibitions against killing" prophecy, but instead of being abusive, I think it's more likely that he just neglected Nezha due to his duties as a general, leaving it entirely to Lady Yin to raise the kid.

Which is still not the best parenting, but with different implications for Nezha's character. Like, FSYY's Nezha gives me the vibe of someone who just doesn't quite understand social norms, or human behavior in general, or what a healthy degree of fear even feels like, and being outright despised or abused as this "Demon Child" would have taught him to fear things very quickly.

If he was indeed feared by Li Jing, it's less "suffer not the yaoguai!" and more "let's keep our third kid happy and ignorant and never let him out of the house again."

To use a fucked-up analogy…Nezha is less this dangerous hound that must be chained to a wall and whipped into submission, but a fine, powerful weapon Taiyi had left to them for safekeeping purposes, much like the Qiankun Bow & Sky-shaking Arrows sitting in their backyard building.

Perhaps he still isn't seen as his own person or treated like a regular, flesh-and-blood kid, yet it won't make sense for Li Jing or his older brothers to do the equivalent of spitting on this precious weapon or kicking it off the stands.

(Since Nezha doesn't even recognize Muzha when they run into each other during the Attempted Patricide Arc, my HC is Jinzha and Muzha both left home to study under their masters at a pretty young age, and rarely came back for visits.)

Like, I can still see Li Jing being this stuck-up and emotionally distant guy who only interacts with his kids to "check on their homework", so to speak.

Or Lady Yin coddling Nezha, partially because she wants to make up for Li Jing's absence, and partially due to the vain hope that, by sheltering her youngest child from the world, she might be able to shelter him from his very destiny too.

...

Here's where I go off a tangent: on a meta level, Nezha isn't a demon or an aberration of the natural order (which yaoguais are often seen as) either. This is very much informed by a Chinese essay called 由哪吒看《封神演义》的天命世界 that analyzed the character in relation to FSYY's view of Fate.

It is very well written and has given me quite the emotional damage (/hj).

Specifically:Nezha is destined to violate 1700 prohibitions against killing, not because he is "evil" or demonic, but because he's born to be an executioner carrying out the Will of Heaven.

He is the very embodiment of the "Peril" that is the War of Investiture, and thus must suffer through his own perils, to be ritualistically remade in death into a demigod-like warrior.

Much like how the Chan 12's participation in the War of Investiture is, in and of itself, a Peril, something they must endure and survive as the consequences to their causes——failing to sever the Three Corpses and breaking prohibitions, Nezha's suicide served as his Peril, a death that shall cleanse him of his guilt and satisfy the karmic laws while also fulfilling his destiny.

Everyone he killed in battle follows the same logic: they have violated taboos (more true for the Jie Sect immortals), gone against the impersonal, ironclad Will of Heaven yet paradoxically playing straight into Fate's hands, as their deification through death has proven——a Peril as well as a consolation prize.

To folks that don't buy into FSYY's view of Fate and think it's bullshit, or don't understand the logics of deification: an alternate and more "modern" interpretation of Nezha's suicide may be an attempt at finding freedom.

After all, what's a weapon's biggest act of resistance, but breaking itself?

After this, I'll never owe anyone anything again. My debts are repaid. I'll never see my mother cry. I'll be no one's son, no one's disciple, a blade that will never be sheathed and left to gather dust in the attic, obstructed, then blamed for doing what it's made for.

It also isn't as simple as he thought. Death, as well as freedom.

Looking back centuries later, he'll probably cringe at his younger self too.

This? This is what you think your destiny, or freedom from it, looks like? Dishing out death indiscriminately without understanding what it means and lashing out in a fit of rage——it doesn't make you a good warrior, or even a good weapon, just a mad dog!

Like, I think Nezha can be rightfully pissed at Li Jing's Asshole Arc after his death, while also gradually coming to a more mature and nuanced understanding of violence and his purpose during WOI.

Namely, as ironclad and undeniable as Fate is in FSYY, attributing everything to it is just an easy way to avoid the difficult questions and personal responsibilities.

And I feel like there are a lot of interesting potential in exploring Nezha's post-war arc, of someone who is born to be a weapon, who finds comfort and certainty in that purpose, suddenly having to become something else.

Not necessarily in the "learning to be human again" sense, moreso the divine equivalent of a veteran adjusting to civilian life, exploring the boundary between executioner and protector, while dealing with both the funny and messed-up implications of working alongside everyone he sent into the Investiture.

[starwonb1n]

ice cold snow

bestfriendsbrother!parkwonbin x fem!reader

genre : ? , one shot , comforting

warnings : de4th. , wonbin is a bit harsh at first , not proof read !!

back story

You and Wonyeon ( wonbins sister ) were best friends. Born in the same year, went to the same schools, similar personalities, and all. You practically lived at Wonyeons house since you were over so much. You wouldn't see Wonbin since he stayed in his room most of the day, but when you did, you just smiled and waved, not ever really talking.

You're now in 10th grade, with Wonyeon. It was a normal day until she brought up that it was going to be the dance in a few days and that you can't take Wonbin as your date. ( You would always tell her that her brother is so fine in a jokingly way ) You just shrugged and said that you're probably not going to the dance anyway and that you and Wonyeon were eachothers dates.

On the day of the dance it was freezing, snowy and cold. Nonetheless you made it to Wonyeons house, just to be met with her mother crying? Why is she crying? You ask the Wonyeons mother what's wrong and she didn't say anything but take you up to Wonyeons room. You were confused until you were met with Wonyeons dead body. You fell down and broke down in tears not being able to get words out. What do you mean your best friend is dead?

time skip — one week later

You were stuck in your room for the past week, you didnt want to do anything other than rot in bed and watch your and Wonyeons favorite show, pretending she was with you. You missed her, and that will never change.

You hear a knock on the door but stay silent as always, but you don't expect Wonyeons brother to walk in.. Wonbin? What is he doing here? "Yn, this is Wonyeons stuff keep it or give it away" he says while you just nod not uttering a word.

He walks out and closes the door as no goodbyes were said. You slowly climb out of bed with your blanket wrapped around you to the pile of stuff Wonbin just dumped in your room. You go through it seeing all the memories and how she truly felt.

time skip — 2 weeks later

Bearing the death of your bestfriend, you still had school. As much as you didn't want to go, your mom dragged you out of the house by the ear. You didn't even care at this point you were in comfy clothes but why was he outside your house? What's he doing here again? There he stands, Park Wonbin.

He waves, not smiling n keeping a resting face. You stand there frozen like a statue until he says "Your mom asked if I could walk you to school so I said yes". You make up your mind and decide to say "Okay, go ahead I'm bunking."

timeskip — 1 week later

After one week of bunking, Wonbin got tired of it. "Yk the usual, I'm gonna bunk" you say as you're about to walk off, Wonbin grabs your wrist and just pulls you along. What the fuck is he doing you think to yourself. You stare at him blankly. "Your in grade 11, mature the fuck up and just get done with school, stop being a baby and atleast make Wonyeon proud." he says walking off. You stand there absorbing his words. He was right but who the fuck does he think he is you think to yourself as you walk away from him.

Your not gonna lie, his words did hurt but you weren't ready to go back to school without your bestfriend. You sneak back into your room through your window, you almost fall out as you see your mom there waiting for you. "I know you've been bunking, but you need to get yourself together and mature up already, it isn't that hard" your own mother says as she leaves and bangs the door. Why was everyone being so hard on you? They don't know how it feels to loose your bestfriend. Or were you actually being a baby.. you sat in your room contemplating. It was around dinner time when your mom came into your room handing you food. "Get your stuff ready for school tomorrow, im dropping you off."

Did you sleep whole night? No. Did you even try to look decent? No. You honestly didn't even care.

You walked into school. You could feel the stares the gossiping and whispering about you. You were in your own world until a stranger walks up to you. He waves and you look at him soulessly. "I'm Anton" he says. You just nod, wondering why he is introducing himself. "We're in the same class, so I was wondering if you want to walk to class together?" You know he just feels bad for you but you take the offer.

Most of the day Anton was talking and you were just there listening, blanking out until you hear a familiar voice. "What's up 'ton" wonbin says. They do a little handshake until he sees you. "Oh yn.. your finally at school" he chuckles. You just nod, not uttering a word. He talks with Anton, ignoring you but your okay with it.

The bell rings, you get up and wave goodbye to Anton, ignoring Wonbin. You go outside to see its snowing. Wow you think to yourself such a wonderful fucking day. You sigh walking away from school and sitting down in the snow. You lay there for quite a while, mind occupied with thoughts, eyes closed. You hear someone lay down next to you but you js don't care they could k!dnap you for all it matters.

"I have to look after you, as a promise for Wonyeon."

timeskip — 2 years later

You and Wonbin got way closer than expected. People would mistake you guys as a couple sometimes but you just brushed it off. Over time you did gather feelings for Wonbin but you never acknowledged it.

It was snowing again, and you were outside sitting and waiting for Wonbin to bring your lunch. He arrives soon and sits down next to you. "Can I tell you the truth?'' he asks. You hum and wait for him to say something. "Wonyeon didnt really make me promise to look after you.. but i was worried so i just said that." he blurts out. You think about his words.. "Why were you worried..?" you ask trying to figure out. "Because I like.." he pauses, "You, yn. Ever since we were little ive always had a crush on you, your just so perfect and pretty and funny, I just i-" you cut him off, kissing him gently, not saying any words but making him breathless, giving him warmth in the ice cold snow.

authors note : first time ever writing one shots or like a actual proper fic !! how did I do :3

send in reqs if you have any !!

have a good day / night <3

[sebuckyverse]

for a good time, call [2]

modern!rockstar!eddie munson x fem!reader

series summary: Eddie Munson is a burnt out rockstar, touring the country. When he finds a phone number written on a bathroom wall, he strikes an unusual friendship with a coffee shop barista who has no idea who he is.

warnings: 18+ cussing, m!masturbation, eddie jerks off, smoking, flirting, pining kinda, a cliffhanger, strangers to friends to lovers word count: 3,3k

an: part 2 guys! i hope you like it. don't forget to reblog or leave a comment :p don't come at me for the ending x_x ps! some of you couldn't be tagged :( say hi to Robin's lover @ceriseheaven

chapter one ♫ masterlist

chapter two ♫♪♩·..·

Eddie woke up to his phone buzzing continuously on his nightstand. Blinking the sleep away from his eyes, he reaches over to grab the device, the blue light far too bright for how early it still was, the digits on his homescreen reading 6.14am. He had three missed calls from his manager and two from his drummer. Eddie sat up on the bed and begrudgingly called his manager back.

''Where the hell are you, Munson?'' his manager, James, heckled.

''Good morning to you too,'' Eddie yawned.

''We had agreed to a meeting 15 minutes ago.''

Oh, Eddie remembered. It would be a lie to say he accidentally forgot to set an alarm. Who holds meetings this early anyway. ''Look man, I overslept. I'm tired and I don't want to meet. You can say whatever you want, right here.''

James huffed and puffed on the other side, before relenting. ''Ed, we need to discuss the future. Tour's about to end and we need to announce something sooner or later.''

Eddie could feel his nostrils flare. ''There is nothing to announce. Every normal artist takes a break after a big tour.''

''Well, you're not exactly normal, Eddie.'' Ouch, Eddie has a quick flashback to his high school days. ''Besides, you signed a contract with management for 60 shows this year. We're only half way there. That means, you need to do more shows later in the year.''

''I'm not doing shit. I'm burnt the fuck out, I need a break.'' Eddie bit back, his other fist clenched on his side.

''That sucks, but this is the business. You can take a break after you fulfill your contract, that was the deal and you know that. I'll have the team send out an announcement that the tour is extended.''

Eddie felt helpless, driven to a corner. He knew the contract he signed and the penalties that come with it if he broke it. That's not something he thought about when he put his signature on the paper - this was his dream, what he was born to do. The more time passed, the more bits and pieces of him went missing. Everybody wanted something, needed something from him. No one thought about what Eddie might need. If he was tired, he was being offered drugs to vamp up his system, get him going again. If he was lonely, there was a line of girls (and guys) outside his dressing room. He indulged in it for a while, but soon that wasn't enough either.

''Whatever, man.'' Eddie hung up the phone and stared at the screen, the light illuminating his sunken eyes, the heavy bags under his eyes. Almost in a haze, Eddie found himself searching up Wayne's number from his contacts and clicking call. The line rang a few times until it clicked. It was silent at first, until Eddie heard the distinctly gruff voice of his uncle, instantly filling him with warmth and the obvious guilt.

''Ed? That you?'' Wayne's voice was low, like he had just woken up which might have been the case, Eddie didn't even think about what time it was in Indiana.

''Y-yeah. Shit, I'm sorry, I-I didn't think about the time difference. Fuck you were probably sleeping, shit, we can talk later, I can-'' Eddie was rambling, embarrassed. It was awkward, he hadn't spoken to his uncle in months.

''Stop, stop. It's fine. Are you all right?'' Wayne interrupted before his nephew ended the call, losing him again.

''Yeah, of course.'' Eddie lied, and Wayne knew that but he didn't want to push too much. ''J-just wanted to check in, I guess.''

''Have you been getting my messages?''

''I have, yeah. Been busy, you know...'' Eddie replied quietly, his voice shaking. He wanted to explode, tell Wayne everything, he would know what to do. He always did. But Eddie wasn't ready to hear the truth yet.

''Are you sure you're alright, son? You don't sound like yourself.''

Eddie panicked. ''Yeah, definitely. Living the dream, eh? Look I, um, have to go. It was good to hear your voice though.''

''Ed, don't hang up-''

''Talk to you soon, bye!'' Eddie hung up the call and let the phone drop from his hands like it had burnt him. He walked over to the minibar and fetched a mini size tequila, downing it in one go, hoping the burn in his throat would distract him from the ache in his heart.

.•♫•♬•

It had been a fairly quiet day at work so far. Robin was currently attending to customers, taking their orders while you were sweeping tables and cleaning up the empty coffee cups, bringing them to the back and loading them into the dishwasher. It was only the two of you at the café today.

Robin joined you in the back, keeping an eye out for the front as well. ''Hey, I have a favor to ask.''

''Shoot,'' you shot back where you were arranging the cups in the machine.

''I was wondering if you could close by yourself today. Cherry's taking me to a concert today. It's a few hours away and we might be late if we don't leave sooner.'' Robin looked at you with pleading eyes. Normally, you wouldn't agree so easily, but considering the lack of business today, you figured it wouldn't be too much hassle. Cherry was Robin's... friend. They've really hit it off since meeting at the bar four days ago and to her credit, she did drag both of your asses home that night, so bonus points for that. It probably won't be too long until one of them gets on with it to make it official. From what you've heard from Robin, Cherry is super fun, adventurous, funny and can't keep her hands to herself, which you could've lived without knowing to be honest.

''Ooh, is this your first proper date?'' you smirk, getting up and leaning against the machine.

Robin's cheeks flush pink. ''Yes. I'm really excited!''

''Hmm. Of course you can go, I can finish up here myself. Next time you have to introduce us though, I mean properly. When I'm not wasted.''

''Thank you! I will!'' Robin pulls you into a crushing hug, smacking a kiss to your forehead.

''What concert are you going to, anyway?'' you ask when she pulls away to gather her things, ripping her apron off.

''I actually don't know, it's some rock or metal concert. Not my style, you know that.''

''Well, have fun!'' you shout after her, watching her leave through the back door. Thankfully it was only an hour 'til closing time, so you made your way back to the front and kept yourself busy until then. At one point, your phone vibrated with a new message in your pocket. You were surprised to see it was from your new friend with a fake name, Kirk.

06.37pm - Kirk ''Hi. How are you?''

06.38pm - Kiwi ''I'm good, thanks. What about you?''

06.38pm - Kirk ''I'm fine. Sorry I've been MIA, it's work.''

06.38pm - Kiwi ''That's okay :) What do you do anyway?''

It takes a couple of minutes for him to reply, making you wonder if you didn't scare him off somehow. That didn't seem like too personal of a question, you thought.

06.42pm - Kirk ''I work in entertainment.''

Well that was vague, that could mean anything.

06.42pm - Kiwi ''Are you a porn star? I've always wanted to meet one, I have so many questions.''

06.43pm - Kirk ''Not that kind of entertainment, sorry. What kind of questions though?''

06.44pm - Kiwi ''I'd rather not say. Do you enjoy what you do, though?''

06.46pm - Kirk ''I used to.''

06.47pm - Kiwi ''What changed?''

06.48pm - Kirk ''A lot of things, some that I wasn't prepared for.''

06.49pm - Kirk ''Listen, I have to go. It's work. I'll text you again in a few hours?''

06.50pm - Kiwi ''Sure.''

.•♫•♬•

Eddie was sitting in a car after the show, going back to the hotel. His hands were still clammy for playing guitar for 1,5 hours and his hair was sticking to his face. His eyes were closed as he focused on the motion of the vehicle moving. It didn't take long until he reached the hotel where he would be staying for tonight and climbed out, dragging his duffel bag over his tense shoulder and sauntered to the front desk.

Filling in his contact info, the brunette behind the counter batting his eyelashes when handing him his room card. ''Room 412, mr. Munson. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask.''

Eddie gave the girl a tight lipped smile and grabbed his key card. ''Thank you.''

As he was standing in the elevator, he thought about how the girl at the front desk was basically offering herself to him yet it made him feel nothing. It was a scary thought. Was he this far gone? He couldn't remember the last time he had sex, or jacked off. The exact same time the elevator dinged when reaching his floor, like a lightbulb going off, Eddie realized that the only positive feelings or thoughts he's had in months, have come from interacting with you.

Reaching his room, Eddie threw his bag next to the door and kicked off his boots. He shrugged off his clothes, a trail of fabrics leading from he door to the bathroom. He took a quick shower and strolled to his bed, plopping onto the fresh sheets butt naked and dug through his jeans for a pack of cigarettes, fumbling around until the found the singular joint he had stuffed in with the regular smokes. He lit the joint and took a slow drag, humming to the familiar tangy taste, letting the effects of the drug engulf his overused brain.

Eddie sat on the bed in complete silence, eyes closed. He could only hear the water dripping from his shower. Opening his eyes, he didn’t have to cast a look down to see that he was hard, stiff cock nestled against the tiny pudge of his stomach. Which was to be expected, getting high always made him horny. It’s why he’s cut back recently too, horny or not, he just wasn’t interested in fucking random people anymore and his fist wasn’t doing it for him either.

Right now, however, he couldn’t ignore the ache in his groin. With a sigh, Eddie dropped on his back, feet anchored to the carpeted floor. Wrapping a tentative fist around himself, he gave a couple tugs to test the waters. It sent shivers down his spine, so he continued. Letting go for a moment to spit into his palm, Eddie pumped himself harder, squeezing at the base then running his thumb over the slit, rubbing his pre-cum over the head. His chest was heaving, eyes shut as sparks of pleasure washed over him. He moaned into the silence as the pressure in his belly became too much too quick and sparks soared into a flame as he came all over his fist and abdomen, thick thighs shaking in the process.

.•♫•♬•

You were now back at your apartment, scanning the cupboards for the forgotten pack of Oreos you know you had somewhere. Cursing under your breath, you settled on a glass of white wine and made your way back to your bathroom where the steaming bubblebath was waiting for you to jump in. You set your glass on the closed toilet seat where you could reach it and dropped your towel to climb in the water. You relaxed your head against the edge, your hair held up high and hummed along to the music you set up from your speaker.

It took about ten minutes before your phone dinged with a new message. At this hour, there was only one person who would be texting you - unless it was Robin with an emergency. But it wasn’t her.

01.12am - Kirk “Hey, you still up?”

01.12am - Kiwi “Yep, I’m taking a bath.”

01.13am - Kirk “This late?”

01.14am - Kiwi “I do it all the time when I don’t work the next day. It’s a routine.”

01.14am - Kirk “That’s cool. How was your day?”

01.14am - Kiwi “Slow, you?”

“01.15am - Kirk “Hectic. What do you do for work, by the way?”

01.15am - Kiwi “I’m a barista at a coffee shop.”

01.15am - Kirk “Make a mean espresso then?”

01.15am - Kiwi “Oh yeah, you should try it.”

The wine was making you a bit more forward than usual. He didn’t seem to mind, though.

01.16am - Kirk “Would love to. Tell me something about yourself.”

01.16am - Kiwi “Like what?”

01.17am - Kirk “Anything.”

You thought about it for a moment, almost dropping your phone in the water as the steamy air made your hands clammy.

01.19am - Kiwi “I’m an Aquarius, my favorite fruit is kiwi (surprising I’m sure) and my chosen past time is readying smutty books. Your turn!”

01.20am - Kirk “I was raised by my uncle and I love reading too, but I’m too scared to ask what smutty means.”

01.20am - Kiwi “Don’t even worry about it. Raised by your uncle, he sounds like a great man.”

01.21am - Kirk “He is. Where do you live?”

01.22am - Kiwi “Not sure I should be telling a stranger.”

01.22am - Kirk “I thought we were friends? :(“

01.23am - Kiwi “Fine, but don’t come kidnapping me. I live in New York.”

01.24am - Kirk “Despite my kidnapper look, I’m more of a wine and dine guy.”

01.25am - Kiwi “I might be into the kidnapper look.”

Oh shit, was that too forward?

01.27am - Kirk “Really? People used to call me horrible names because of my look.”

01.28am - Kiwi “I’m sorry, what did they call you? No pressure.”

01.28am - Kirk “Mostly just freak.”

01.29am - Kiwi “Well, I like freaky, so..”

01.30am - Kirk “I might have to test that.”

You were surprised how easily you fell into flirting with a complete stranger to be honest. You kept switching between talking about random stuff and flirting. You learned that he was kind of a nerd in high school, he used to play some board game you didn’t know and he confessed that his favorite band is Metallica (didn’t take a genius to figure that out). You told him about your childhood cat that went missing one night, how you started your job as a barista and what your favorite cocktail is. You thought about asking him about calling instead, as texting was pretty tiring but decided to leave that for another time.

You came out of your bubble when you noticed the water had gone cold, your wine glass sitting empty on the tile next to the tub. You wished Eddie a good night and promised to text him tomorrow. You quickly dried off, chuckling at your wrinkly fingers and toes and put on a pair of comfortable panties, jumping under the covers. Your eyes were at half mast but the sleep didn’t come yet. You were still thinking about Kirk, rubbing your thighs together simply at the memory of him. This hole thing was so unusual, you knew some things about him now, but had no idea what he looked like or what his real name was. You had a picture in your head, but it was vague. You didn’t imagine his face or his body, but more his aura, his energy. It might sound extremely naïve, but he gave off good vibes and he made you feel nice. As you finally drifted off to sleep, it was to the thoughts of him only.

When you woke up the next morning, the skies were gray and rain was tapping against your windows. That turned your original plans of taking a walk later today upside down. You checked the time on your phone, where it read nearly 11am with a good morning text.

09.16am - Kirk ''Good morning, I hope you have a good day. Let me know what you get up to :)''

You'd text him back later, as the grumbling of your stomach was a more pressing issue at the moment.

Once you were stuffed full of eggs, bacon and a glass of apple juice, you decided to do some fall shopping. You visited your go-to stores and ended your day in your favorite bookstore, sitting in the small café area sipping chamomile tea and taking a bite out of a chocolate croissant. Then you remembered you had an unanswered text.

2.14pm - Kiwi ''Hey, sorry for the late reply. Promise I didn't forget you!''

2.18pm - Kirk ''Good, I was starting to get worried.''

2.19pm - Kiwi ''Why, you miss me already? 😉''

2.20pm - Kirk ''Yes.''

You swallowed thickly at his admission. It was weird that he missed you, you didn't even know each other's names. It was weird that you were unashamedly flirted with him. It was weird, because you didn't mind it all. And it was definitely weird, that your tummy fluttered. You blamed it on the tea.

2.22pm - Kirk ''I'm sorry if that freaked you out. I like talking to you, a lot.''

2.23pm - Kiwi ''Don't apologize, I like talking to you, too. What would you think about calling?''

.•♫•♬•

Eddie knew this would come eventually, he had even thought about it himself. He was prepared for it, yet when the question came, he froze. He was rigid, like he was standing on cracked ice and he might fall in any second. He'd just come back from a radio interview, where he was grilled about any updates he might have. With a sour taste in his mouth and the fakest smile he could muster, he announced more tour dates and listed the name of cities they were going to play.

He'd grown more comfortable with you, texting you took his mind off everything else, it was something he was looking forward to more and more every day. He'd also be a liar if he said that you in a bathtub didn't spawn some inappropriate thoughts in his head. You seemed to enjoy his online company too. But what if you recognized him as soon as you heard his voice? Not that he was so presumptuous to assume everybody knew him or his music. What if you'd go googling his name? There are definitely things on there that he regrets doing, most of them even, and things that weren't true.

He was tempted to hear your voice, though. He chose to be honest.

2.30pm - Kirk ''I'm scared.''

2.30pm - Kiwi ''Of what? We don't have to, if you don't want.''

2.31pm - Kirk ''I do want to, really. I'm just kind of.. known.''

Eddie despised the word 'famous' or any other form of that.

2.32pm - Kiwi ''Are you famous?''

Cringe.

2.33pm - Kirk ''Kind of.''

2.35pm - Kiwi ''Are you scared that I might recognize you?''

2.36pm - Kirk ''Yes, I've done some things I'm not proud of.''

2.37pm - Kiwi ''I don't care about that. I know nothing about the celebrity world, so I probably wouldn't recognize you anyway (no offence).''

Eddie chuckled, he felt a bit better about this now.

2.38pm - Kirk ''None taken.''

2.40pm - Kirk ''Can I call you tonight?''

.•♫•♬•

You were lounging on your bed, legs crossed at the ankles with a new book you'd bought earlier sitting on your lap. You had been reading the same page for the last 15 minutes, your eyes sneaking looks at your phone, face down on the bed, taunting you. Thank God you didn't have to go to work tomorrow either, it was almost 2am.

You were waiting for his call. You figured you still had a few minutes to spare, putting your book down and swinging your legs over the side of your bed. Then the phone rang, your heart almost bursting out of your chest. You turned back and flipped your phone, seeing his fake name across the screen. You picked it up, the device vibrating violently.

''Hello?''

[azeriairis]

I'm going to go on a rant about Les Mis adaptations real quick.

If an Adaptation of Les Mis has Javert commit a crime or abuse his power I automatically have no hope for how they will handle his character arc.

Disclaimer: I generally have no problem with Works in which a Police Officer or other Authority figure do these things, but it is so antithetical to how Javert as a character works thematically that I have a problem when Les Mis adaptations have him do so.

In the original work Javert serves thematically as an extension of the police system, and in order for this to work Victor Hugo specifies that he always does specifically what he is supposed to do, and never does anything that could even be perceived as stepping outside of the lines. However crucially he still causes harm to others and he does it by specifically doing what he is supposed to do.

Simply put: The way Victor Hugo critiques the police system in Les Mis is literally just by having a cop who rigorously follows the book cause harm, not by deviating from the book, but by following the book to the fucking letter. The takeaway this logically leads to therefore cannot be "If we root out the bad apples everything will be fine," because Javert definitionally isn't a bad apple, but is instead "the police system is fundamentally flawed and needs changing" because he uncritically unforces the system and causes harm by doing so.

This literally does not work if there is any reasonable way to label Javert a "bad apple," which having him abuse his powers or commit crimes, could certainly lead to. If Javert can be labeled a "bad apple" then it is possible for the audience to conclude that if only a "good apple" was in Javert's position everything would be fine, and that is specifically not the intended takeaway.

If you want Javert to be more complicated than "cop who does everything by the book" then there's other aspects of his character you can lean into, Specifically speaking his origins. Canonically Javert comes from a disadvantaged background and had to struggle for his position because of class-based discrimination (there is also a case to be made that he is also of a racial minority (specifically Romani) and there's some racism going on there as well, but whether or not that is the intended takeaway is rather unclear), and that his reasons for joining the police include a resentment towards his own background and a belief that his background precluded him from any other legal routes of earning a living. Maybe you could lean into how he went from someone screwed over by the system through no fault of his own, to someone who uncritically enforced the same system that screwed him over, in the process harming those who are from the same communities he himself was born into, and how that may have impacted his reaction after he was confronted with the fact that the system is broken, instead of fucking up his original thematic purpose by having him be a corrupt shitty cop.

And if you still want a shitty corrupt cop in your Les Mis Adaptation, then make an original character. This way you can use this OC to acknowledge the actual problem that "bad apples" who abuse their power, break the law, and violate people's rights are often able to act with complete impunity without facing any consequences, whilst also not fucking up the original point of Javert's characterization, that even the "good apples" who do everything by the book cause harm because the book is flawed and needs changing.

[kiryoutann]

thinking of between kisses childe as a dad 😫 i remember this scene from queen charlotte where she gives birth and i def think childe would do this… reader calling out for him but they wont let him in but he just threatens them 😭😭 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MaRgAsP-xTQ

THAT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE SCENE FROM QUEEN CHARLOTTE (i need to rewatch it again)!!! and i see it, anon. i see it!! AHH, and now that u mention it, im so torn between writing ajax like king george or ajax in my other hc.

like, the king george-kinda ajax gonna be threatening people trying to stop him from entering bcs there's "womanly work afoot" and telling him to wait outside, when his wife is audibly screaming in pain????? bad idea. they must've gone mad. and it didn't take much for his threats to leave his mouth; some snezhnaya way of saying "listen here you little shite-" and they ended up letting him enter before gorey stuff starts to happen.

king george-kinda ajax enters the room like he was about to kill someone, but when his eyes landed on MC's pained expression.. fuck, his eyes went SOFT as he rush to her side. gonna brush her hair back while giving reassurance, praises saying she can do this.

if you're into comedic one, one of my headcanon for dad! ajax is that he thinks he KNOWS IT ALL. around month 7 or 8 of the pregnancy, he's gonna act like he got everything under control whenever MC shows SLIGHT fear of childbirth just bcs of "i've seen this with tonia and teucer" blablabla. but when it DID happen?? oh, he's a mess.

he's a mess and dmitri knows it too (both guys panicking inside. but ajax's gonna be denial about his and MUCH WORSE that dmitri gotta calm himself down to CALM HIS EMPEROR). dmitri saying "Your Majesty, please breathe" and ajax, visibly sweating and brain short-circuited, saying "i got this under control dmitri. i'm calm I'M CALM." and when MC calls out for him, DESPITE HIS FEAR (pls give him a little bit credit here) he rushes into the room.

this ajax does the same as the king george-kinda ajax - reassuring her, praising her. but the difference, THIS ajax kinda went.. overboard with it that he runs his mouth EVERY TIME and saying every words every praises that somehow it shift your brain from the pain to the annoyance and irritation you're starting to feel. "i know you can do this, my love. you're in pain, i know, but i'm sure *insert full speech in snezhnayan*".

AT FIRST, it's sweet, and you smiled grimaced at him. but after the pain become intense, the last thing u wanna hear is his voice telling how you're gonna be fine, you're gonna do well. his "breathe, my love, breathe. you're doing so well, darling. you look radiant! like a goddess bringing new life to the world." like, man. BE QUIET.

mc gonna snap at him "shut up. SHUT UP!! I HATE YOU! THIS... IS ALL YOUR FAULT!! for once in your life, ajax, close your damned mouth or i'll see you flayed and quartered!"

it was PURE HORROR EXPERIENCE FOR HIM. and after your baby is born, ajax. doesn't. move. an inch from his place from fear that... he's gonna meet his death by his wife's hands.

[mitchywitchythings]

Some drinking headcanons with Todoroki Shoto!

Summary: What’s Todoroki Shoto’s reaction to drinking?👀

Warnings: Drinking, underage drinking, partying, lime, spicy, no actual smut, puking, hangover

Paring: Todoroki Shoto X Reader

Word count: 843 words

Masterlist

The first time you went drinking was when you graduated from Class 1-A to Class 2-A! The Bakugo squad decided it would be really cool to drink to your heart's content as a form of celebration

Mina your bestie for life, wanted you and your bf Shoto fucking hammered, seeing as it was his first time drinking

Your first time drinking was on your birthday last year, while Todoroki was doing his retake for his license

Safe to say Mina got you drunk so she was the one to take care of you the whole night

You guys drank at a club btw, Momo’s cousin was the owner so you girls had a night out, while a few guys from your class came. And by few I mean Sero, Kirishima, and Kaminari

Someone had to distract Iida and lie about going somewhere else

Good thing Shoto wasn’t there or he’d freeze and burn the 5 guys who tried to flirt with you

Ok so you guys end up keeping the night a secret from everyone who was excluded from that night, which included Shoto😭

Well all of that was true up until tonight at the graduation party, when Kaminari was yelling for everyone to take advantage and drink while Iida and Aizawa were out

Bruh, Kaminari slung his arm around your shoulder and began recalling your birthday and how you drank at least 10 glasses of different cocktail drinks

Shoto was like 👁️👄👁️😐🫤😑😯

Asked you why didn’t you tell him, you said it was a secret from everyone who wasn’t included that night, Shoto was sad at first why you didn’t tell him but all of that was erased when you gave him a peck on the lips

SMOOCH- MWAH MWAH 😘

After that Mina and Kaminari were behind you and legit made you drink

This was done by Kaminari grabbing your arms from behind you, holding you back and making you tilt your head back

Mina from in front of you quickly with ninja moves poured the whiskey into your mouth, straight from the bottle

Shoto stood there in shock and not sure what to do

But he was sure about one thing

Kaminari wasn’t going to hold his girlfriend ever again

Legit shoved off Kaminari and took his place, giving him a harsh death glare when Kaminari pouted, like his quirk, this boi literally bolted off to hide behind Kirishima

Midoriya who watched the situation unfold was like 😨😰

Uraraka was like 🫢🫣

Bakugo cackling on the ground- Bish can’t even breathe anymore

Mina made you down the whole bottle, getting you fucking hammered

Next thing Shoto knew was that you were on him

Nuzzling into his neck while whispering compliments and love confessions to him

Fuckkkk—

He was turned on-

He was so smitten with you, he would do anything for you

And that’s how he ended up drinking, Mina passed you a very expensive whiskey bottle

Courtesy’s of Endeavours black credit card ofc-

You asked him with puppy eyes to drink with you, no questions asked. He just drank it.

Midoriya tried to get him to stop but Shoto just brushed him off

Bakugo was cheering for Shoto because he was also so drunk

Ok so you and Shoto being drunk together was chaotic. So fucking chaotic

Which made it so fun-

On the dance floor dancing to whatever song they were playing, didn’t matter what

Shoto can’t dance, we all know this. But lemme tell you this, this little shit. Was dancing like he was born for it, he freaking matched your energy

You guys took more drinks throughout the whole night but that’s fine

Class 2-B entered the dorm and brought more drinks! Yayyy!!

More drinks!!🥳🥳🥳

Mina suggested you guys play 7 minutes in heaven, good idea??

Hell NAH!! That’s cuz you landed on Monoma Neito from class B, Shoto legit picked you up and threw Monoma the middle finger, carrying you bridal style to the closet

So many hickeys were visible on you after that

Lots of moans and groans came from the closet- oops

Everyone was cheering from outside cuz they were all drunk, even the innocent ones like Midoriya😤

They recorded having to pull Shoto off of you, and drag you guys out of the closet-

Damn that vid could go viral yk and his dad would be pissed AF lmaoooo

You and Shoto ended up passing out together on the couch, with a blanket wrapped around you guys

Everyone else passed out on the floor-

Woke up around noon with a major headache, running towards the toilet and throwing up

Shoto was besides you in an instant and held your hair back, rubbing your back in comfort

His turn was next. He also puked like A LOT.

But yeah, that’s ok because you guys had a really fun night last night!

Bonus:

Aizawa walks in on the dorm with everyone passed out

Legit closes the door and walks away

Iida goes in and is pissed🤬

Everyone kicked him out for being loud- lolll

[mar3ggiata]

professional help, c18. India 0-1.

simon riley x original character.

trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, mentions of rape, trauma, sexual themes, swearing, use of alcohol and drugs.

song to listen to when reading this: Where this flower blooms, Tyler, the Creator - Frank Ocean

abstract: it's Jude. this is a light chapter and the turning point of my life! my new job you know, I couldn't be happier. you're getting to know stuff about me as well, and I don't have a problem with that cause I trust you. it's someone else who just seems to know too much…

'I think you're one of the smartest people I've ever met, actually.' Kyle certainly knew how to charm women. His pearly white teeth, his dimples, his kind eyes. His face lit up when she was speaking, showing how interested he was in what she was saying. 'That's so interesting, you actually did that?' He walked her out of the building, he approached her as soon as the meeting ended. He asked her how it went with Laswell and how she was feeling about her new position. She replied that she wanted to be of help for them, and he agreed she would do just fine. He asked her a lot of questions about university and what she had studied while they walked out, the other soldiers parting ways to get back to their duties. She offered him to smoke with her, he declined saying he only smoked on night outs. Still, he was standing with his back against the wall in the smoking area outside the base. She felt his gaze on her while she lit her cigarette with her purple clipper lighter. She saw him look at her lips wrapped around the cigarette, and exhaling the smoke in the air around them. She made sure to exhale away from his figure, big clouds of smoke dissolving in then wind. She asked him where he was born, he wasn't much older than her. He asked her how many languages she spoke. She didn't include her Neapolitan dialect, which is technically considered a language, you can look it up. Plus, she had told him she was from the north, from Turin. I wish, she had thought.

'Translate my name in Italian… or Croatian', he had asked, to which she chuckled. 'It doesn't translate… it would be just Kyle.' She stubbed out the cigarette in one of the ashtrays. 'And what about your real name?', he got closer. She turned around and tilted her head the side, squinting her eyes. 'You're not supposed to know.' She replied. That made him take another step towards her. 'What if I want to find out?' His voice was lower, soothing. She looked up at him, taking in his gentle features and bronze, smooth skin. 'You can do a little digging… but you're not getting it from me' she smiled, gently teasing a step back. She already had enough of that conversation, it was starting to be way too much, too soon. She felt trapped between the boy and the wall even if she wasn't. He was holding her gaze and not moving from that position. She did the honours and stepped away from him, began her walk to her car. He followed like a happy golden retriever. 'Just a hint!' He tried. Fuck off, she thought. 'Come on! You strike me as a Cassandra… Or Juliet. Is it Croatian or English?' It's none of your business sweet boy. She opened the door to her car and put the bag in the back seat. She gave him a final glare. He was sweet, he was funny and attractive, too attractive to be smart. She didn't need anything serious or casual to do with someone who wasn't at her level, they wouldn't understand… just about everything. He was pissing her off and she didn't have time for this. Plus, your spooky Lieutenant already knows, one is enough.

'Call me however you want' she said, batting her eyelashes a tad too much to make him laugh and possibly not think she was serious. He laughed. She drove away leaving him in the parking space alone. Alone, smiling and looking at her car. Simon stared at him from the window in his office. He went upstairs straight after he saw them walking together. They looked nice, he was talking to her, scrunching down to look her in the eyes, she walked with her arms crossed, turning towards him to answer his questions. He looked at her smile at him and giggle at something he said. What did he say to make her giggle, what was so funny… He got a bit closer to Alba and Simon felt his chest tighten in jealousy, although he didn't even want to acknowledge it could be any kind of feeling. It was like being best friends with the cool kid in kindergarten and then see them play with another kid. It seemed so easy with Gaz as well, she seemed so relaxed. Earlier that morning, he thought he scared her, he thought she was annoyed at him, and rightfully so. He would think he actually could talk to her and she told him her crater story first… He started slowly coming back to reality when he was packing up his gear. He cleaned and sharpened his knifes, she would never want to have anything to do with him, and it was better this way. Setting up guns and rifles on the plane, she didn't belong in that world, she would be better off going back to counselling after that mission. The thought of her didn't leave him all day.

At night, it was the same all over. He would turn around in his bed she would be there, her lips slightly parted, her eyes shut and brows slightly frowned in that angry expression of hers. He would turn around to try and run away from her, and then his eyes would open widely at the feeling of her soft hand running up his shoulder, down his side, on his stomach. He was petrified. He would feel her forehead pressed on his back, her feet tickling his calves under the blanket. A small whimper from her mouth, she was so close he felt like she was gonna crawl inside him. She was warm. She smelled like tangerines and jasmine flowers. He would turn back to face her, she would wiggle to get closer to him, her hair loose and spread on the pillow. Go away, he wanted to say. She pressed her cheek to his chest, gripping his shirt in her fists. She would only disappear when he tried to reach for her. They had another briefing once they got to their headquarters, how the fuck was he supposed to get her out of his head if she was gonna work with him. 'Jude will give us clearance on this…' he thought about her eyes, 'Jude is gonna alert us if that…', he thought about her hands.

She was everywhere, her name was in the air, he felt like she was inside his skin, inside his head. They would attack that night, it wasn't a difficult mission per say, he endured worse. At the same time, the lack of coverage and places to hide on the side of the crater was going to be a big problem. About thirty minutes from the attack and he wasn't focused, he felt a weird sensation in the pit of his stomach, maybe he was nervous, but the mission was nothing different from the usual deals… It was her, she was going to get him killed, she was poisoning him, he could even hear her voice right now… No wait, he really heard her voice. He heard the captain speak to someone from inside the main tent they had set up and when he peeked his head through he realised it was her. She wasn't there obviously, she was speaking through a video call, but still. 'Okay, you're all sorted then… What time is it over there, 2pm?' the captain was asking, which she had replied '3, sir.'

'I'm just gonna put it out there, Alba', the captain knew her name, 'I had my superiors run a quick check on how your mom is doing, just to make sure we're in the clear with possible ties with the Middle East…' Her mom…?

'Oh for fuck's sake I already told you, why would she have anything to do with this, would you stop being so fucking…'

'Simon?'

She stopped talking. Price saw him. His face was blank, he thought about just turning around and pretending he didn't hear anything. But he did. Alba's mom, she was from Croatia. Why would she have to do anything with them… 'Come in… need something?' He realised his captain was actually talking to him. No I don't need anything I just heard her voice and I thought she was in my head, but she's not, and I'm actually loosing it. He stumbled over his words, saying something about hearing him talking from outside. 'You really don't know how to lie, don't you?' She spoke from the screen, her voice low and hoarse. He could feel the sound travel down his spine even from the speaker. His ears were red under the mask. Why, cause you lie so much Jude you know how to do it perfectly uh? Price looked down at the screen and gestured him to come closer with a nod. When he approached the table he saw her image on the tablet screen. She looked like a different person. She had her hair tied up in a slick bun, she had a black turtleneck on. She was sitting at a desk and looked like she had pens and papers scattered around her. She had the black glasses he saw in her apartment, they looked a little bit too big for her face. She looked professional, put together and capable.

I can paint the picture for you. Alba looked like Diabolik's girlfriend. If you don't know, Diabolik is one of the most popular series in Italian comics, about a nameless criminal mastermind thief, genius and assassin with a mask on, named Diabolik. His partner in crime is as clever as him, and her significant trait is her blond slick bun and black clothing. I won't give out her name, just because it might be important for the sake of the story. But I digress… When she looked at him, her smile disappeared. He realised it was her first time seeing him with the skull plate mask on. Not really a sight for sore eyes. 'This one's different…' she said, probably referring to the mask. He didn't have the chance to reply, Price's burner phone rang and he quickly excused himself out of the tent, leaving him alone with Alba on the phone. Great. Come on you kept thinking about her, now she's here, talk. She studied him form behind those huge lenses, crossing her arms on the table. She admitted, it wasn't really pleasant to look at him. The image wasn't really clear on the screen, but she felt chills down her spine nonetheless. The mask looked like a real human skull, somehow sawn on the balaclava. It was creepy. Every inch of his skin was covered, his eyelids were painted dark, he had gear and weapons strapped to his chest. Again, just a terrifying sight. It made her realise what she was gonna do in 15 minutes. Direct an operation that would bring death to a lot of people. It was starting to sound real all of a sudden. 'You ready?' he asked, snapping her back to reality. 'I'm good', she replied, a small nod.

All she wanted was for Price to come back and close that damned call, she could't look at him anymore. She thought he had noticed her discomfort because he suddenly disappeared from the screen. Shit started to go down after that. She put her headset on, turned on the microphone. She set up her screens and make sure she had her papers in order. After a few minutes, every body camera started to switch on, revealing the desert around the soldiers, them getting in position. The first thing she heard came from the Boeing aircraft. She felt her heart rate go up. 'India 0-1, this is Eagle 0-3, standard check in, over.' She cursed under her breath and switched channels. 'Eagle 0-3 this is India 0-1, loud and clear, out.' She replied. She let out a shaky breath and checked she gave the correct response with the correct form. She did. She stayed silent, hearing the conversation and radio checks from the soldiers. 'All stations, five minutes to dispatch, get ready.' She figured it was Price speaking. 'Gentlemen, say hello to India 0-1', she chucked, hearing a few voices saying hi, she thought she recognised Kyle saying a chirpy 'hey Jude'.

'Hi everyone' she replied with a small smile.

'Good luck.'

notes: I did my best keeping the conversation on the radio as close to reality as possible, but, you guessed it, I'm not in the army!!!

taglist:

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[angelsarewatching]

KÖNIG Headcanons (NSFW at the end)

Born in Austria, but moved to Germany when he was like, seven.

Suffers from the most severe amount of anxiety you've ever seen. Like. Not the cutesy, blush, "imscawedtopresentinfrontofclass" thing you'd see on a cute anime girl. Nope. This man is a severe

WRECK.

He is absolutely NOT pure but he's like. The awkwardest bitch to ever exist. Why. Why. Who gave you anxiety my love.

Not cinnamon roll either, these are skilled, deadly operators we're talking about.

Gets flustered for no reason ever and gets the most random anxiety attacks for what he calls the "smallest" things ever.

His brain goes FULL alert and alarm mode when there's a very small problem that will not affect his life at all and when there's an actual BIG problem in place, like life-ending missiles?

His brain takes a sip of vodka and then goes like "yea it be like that sometimes"

Bullied in grade school, high school, not college. He enlisted into the army when he found out being built like a mountain also meant that it was harder to knock you down. In combat, I mean. But it's easier to knock him down mentally..

would have actually went to college if not for his crippling anxiety kicking him in the gut every time he tried to go out for a walk. someone passes him by and it's immediately "shit shit shit shit shit shit shit they hate me i'm actually so fucking worthless like-" i wish i was exaggerating but no. he was just really fucked over mentally as a kid.

grew up being bullied like HELL because of how tall he was. like. it wasn't normal. it wasn't even bullying it was just some people laughing at him from time to time about how large he was. this actually hurt him severely and sometimes refused to go out and if he was forced to. he would cry

severely sensitive about his face. he looks Fine. not attractive or ugly but. just a regular german guy. but with very sad eyes. for some reason.

seems. apologetic. his resting face is a man wanting to apologize.

definitely suffered from depression for a few years in his high school days. just not wanting to go to school and it being difficult for him to even get out of bed.

he also suffers from extreme self-esteem issues. he hates his face. Very much. has tried to cut it on Very bad days. a few scars here and there but no scarring that's too extensive.

prone to self harming. due to overthinking and extensive blaming and self-deprecating thoughts.

not as bad as ghost but. still Very bad

on a scale of 1 to 10 on how much of a pathetic wreck of a man he is? he's a solid 20.

wears a mask because he is Sensitive. very. he hates his face, he hates mirror, he hates his reflection. very very thankful for his headgear and how it hides his face because he hates his face so so much

cries a lot too. will just break out crying sometimes when he pent up Too much emotion and silent tears will come out of his eyes. but you won't see it. because it's hidden

yeah he literally thinks Everyone hates him just at first glance. he tries not to though. he tries to just focus on the job but he can't help but tremble sometimes.

you'll catch him shaking or stammering on his words too much and he'll just. ignore it if you point it out. and then slam his head on a desk inside his room when you're out of earshot

super critical of himself and his actions. TOO critical.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Need I say more.

sometimes he just. can't help it. but. suddenly he will feel like his life TRULY is on the line if he doesn't flick the light switch twenty times and blink his eyes five times so that he's safe and all his loved ones are safe and-

too clean of a room. too clean. no dust anywhere. reorganizes four times a day. indecisive. Cannot be trusted to make decisions. absolutely not.

he's OK in the battlefield but outside of fighting and shooting......... he's pathetic.

oh damn he's HORRIBLE at bed. this man's dick game would've been rock bottom if not for his massive -

yeah of course it's massive. why wouldn't it be. he's embarrassed of it because it hangs weirdly if he doesn't wear the tight enough boxers

[l0vergirlatheart]

Hello! I’m new to your blog and I love your writing. I was wondering if you could do a sagau with creator reader that comes from the last of us games? ( the last of us is just a zombie apocalypse game.) How would they react to there creator coming from a place like that? Everything is ran down and taken over by plants and wildlife. Just being born there and forced to learn how to kill and survive on there own. Having to learn the skills of survival and technique. How would they react to there creators PTSD and trauma? How would they react if they actually saw the world there creator comes from?

Well that’s all I have you can write this however you want to if you’d like or don’t write it at all it’s up to you. Anyway have a great week!!

dude. zombie apocolypse!creator!reader... u are amazing anon tf

didn't exactly know who to write for i went with the trusty genshit wheel of names

c.w // zombies, blood, gore mention, disturbing descriptions, mentions of pstd

GOROU, AYAKA, XIAO

start under cut

gorou.

"Your Grace?" Gorou spoke, not much more than a whisper.

"I've told you this before Gorou, just call me (Y/N)."

"Of course... (y/n)... I wanted to ask you a question.." He said nervously.

"What is it?"

"What was your world like?"

You froze at the question. Your breathing became shallower and shallower, and your hands slightly trembled.

Gorou, being the keen one he is, quickly took notice and reassured you that you didn't have to answer.

"You dont have to--"

"It's.. fine. I can tell you." You cut him off, holding up your hands to sign that it was final. He silently nodded, and prepared for, well, anything.

flashback below. proceed with caution.

"FUCK!" You yelled. You'd been running for hours now; they were on your tail. You made a sharp turn and nearly fell, but you didn't stop running.

Into the heart of the forest, you ran to your makeshift shack with all the food and supplies you'd stolen from the ghost town abroad, and locked yourself inside of it. You pushed your back against the door as you felt the banging of the zombies trying to rip through your door, and you just waited it out. Eventually, an unfortunate deer stumbled across and lured them away from you.

You let out a sigh of relief as you slid onto the floor, panting.

'They've never gotten that close before.' You thought as you counted your items. You'd have to leave soon. You grabbed your stuff and checked the windows much too high for anything outside to reach. Or so, you thought. You were met with a rotten-flesh-filled face staring straight back at you. You yelped, and fell onto the floor. The zombie starting banging on the glass, harder and harder until it shattered everywhere. You covered your eyes with one hand and grabbed you knife with the other. After the glass settled, you quickly got up and prepared to fight.

Time to put all your self-taught fighting to use.

flashback end.

Gorou's mouth hung open, eyes widened in shock. You had to deal with that all alone? As a kid nonetheless?! His hand subconsciously reached for yours and rubbed it in an attempt to comfort you.

"It's okay. You're not there anymore, and you're not alone."

end : 1/3

ayaka.

You had invited Ayaka to walk around [region], just to chat. She was one of the only people who didn't make you feel suffocated in this "creator" crap. (she was holding herself back, just for you.)

Though you didn't expect it to start thunderstorming.

BAM! A large clap of thunder sounded unexpectedly, and you flinched, and practically jumped.

Fuck... You thought, turning around just because. You knew it was thunder; but god, did your past still linger with you, even after all this time.

"(Y/N)? Are you okay?" Ayaka asked, snapping you out of your daze.

"Yes, I think.. I think so. We should-!" Cut off by another sound of thunder, and lightning following shortly after. Ayaka looked at you with a soft expression, and she took your hand, gently. You looked at her as she carefully guided you back to where you two were staying for the time being.

"Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?" She asked softly, still holding your calloused hand.

"I... sure.." You said hesitantly.

after explaining your world.

"I... I see." She said sadly. She reached up to pat your head, and she motioned for you to move closer. She moved your head onto her lap and started gently brushing her fingers through your hair.

"I'm here now. There is no need to worry. I won't let that ever happen to you again."

end : 2/3

xiao.

"Your Grace?"

"First of all, how many times have I told you to call me (Y/N), and what's up?" You said, a sigh.

"..Where are we?"

"Home."

"...why is it so run down?"

"That's a.. long story. Are you sure you want to hear it?" You asked, and he nodded. You sighed and opened your mouth to speak.

crack.

You both froze. He looked at you and was about to say something, but you instinctively slapped your hand against his mouth, and stared in the direction the sound came from.

Unbeknownst to you, this action made his face heat up, but he was also curious and slightly concerned. What could've made you stop him from talking so quickly?

Only then did he hear a growl emitting from ahead. He summoned his spear, preparing to fight, but you shoved him behind you and grabbed something from a slot attached to your belt. You pulled it up to ahead and aimed it; but he had no idea what it was or what you were aiming for. Also, whyd you shove him behind you?!—

Then he saw it. Rotting flesh and both fresh and dried blood dripping from a disorted and ripped face; eyeball hanging out of its socket and hair missing all over its supposed head. The ragged and dirt-and-blood stained clothes, ripped and disgusting around itself; a zombie.

Before he could react, there was a large BAM that echoed throughout the forest. Suddenly, the zombie fell over, motionless, and you grabbed Xiao and left as quickly as the wind could blow.

What the hell?!

end : 3/3

[morganski-19]

I Don't Know Which Way's Home

Chapter 13: Birthday

ao3 link, Part 1, Part 12

cw: minor dissociative episode, talks of depression

January 1986

Julie stands at the bus stop, hands shoved as far as they can into her jacket. It’s not exactly a winter coat, but with another layer underneath, it’s not bad. Her cheeks might be red, and her nose might be freezing, but it was just for a few minutes. Then the bus would come, and while it would only be slightly better than the temperature outside, she at least wouldn’t freeze.

That is, if she didn’t miss the bus.

She woke up ten minutes later than normal, which is a lot when the bus already likes to come five minutes early and not even stop when no one is waiting there. And when her normal morning routine consists of getting dressed in something she hoped worked together and drinking a cup of coffee as fast as she can without burning herself, missing the bus was more common than she’d like to admit.

The snow on the ground crunches against her weight as she pokes it with her foot. Trying something to bide the time before just giving up and going home. She’ll miss the day, but it could be worse. Having a day off of school for her birthday was a treat when she was a kid. Now it was just a sick reminder that she would spend a majority of the day alone. Fuck managers for scheduling her mom for a double and no one wanting to take one of her shifts.

It's fine, Julie convinces herself. It’s always fine. Her mom will be home at night, and they’ll have a piece of shitty cake that she bought from the convenience store, and it’ll be fine. So, what if it was her sixteenth birthday. Didn’t make it that different from her fifteenth, or her fourteenth. Not like it was a big year for her. There was no way she could afford to get a driver’s license. It’s just another average day that happened to be the day she was born.

A car speeds out of the parking spot down the street, music blaring, barely stopping at the stop sign she’s standing at. Julie definitely missed the bus.

The window rolls down and the music gets louder, as if it possibly could. Eddie Munson says something to her that she can’t hear. She makes a confused face that causes him to turn the music down.

“I was asking if you needed a ride?” he says, leaning his arm outside the window.

Julie debates taking it. Deciding whether a day spent with people she can barely tolerate is better than a day by herself in a barely heated trailer. But being around some people might be better than being around no one.

“As long as you promise not to drive like a maniac.”

Eddie laughs. “I can make no promises. But you’ll get there in one piece.”

Julie shrugs, walking around the car to get into the passenger seat. She can barely get the seatbelt clicked before Eddie’s speeding out of the trailer park and on the way to school. He turns up the music again, but not as blaring as it was last time. Somewhat considerate.

“You ok?” Eddie tries to start conversation. “You look pissed.”

Julie scoffs. “Well, I did miss the bus on the coldest fucking day possible. So, I am pissed.”

“Yeah sure but looks like there’s something else.” He speeds up to pass under the light just before it turns red. “You don’t have to talk to me, but you could. If you wanted to.”

“I’m not going to join your DnD club, if that’s what you’re after. Not going to magically work this time.”

Eddie dramatically hits his chest. “I’ll wear you down some day. But that wasn’t what I was asking.”

This isn’t the first time Eddie’s driven her to school. Or the first time he’s offered to listen when she’s had a bad day. Or just needed to rant. They weren’t friends. They were barely acquaintances. But he had this thing where he went around and adopted freshmen into his little crew. She was one of those lucky targets. But it didn’t work. Fully.

He was still there, like a presence she couldn’t quite get rid of. It was nice some days. To have someone who was generally a good person, despite their image, to talk to when she needed it. Sometimes she just needed a neutral ear to give her some advice. Especially since she really didn’t have anyone to talk to about this anymore.

“It’s my birthday today,” Julie said quietly, hoping the music would drown her out. “And my mom’s not going to be around for most of it.”

Eddie sucks in a breath. “Well, that sucks. How old are you today?”

“Sixteen.”

“Damn, a big one. Double sucks.”

Julie picks at her cold fingers. “Yeah. And I can’t even be mad at her. She tried to get someone to cover for her at work, but no one would step up. And we need the money, so she can’t risk calling out or getting fired. I just wished she wasn’t scheduled today of all days.”

“I get it. Wayne works doubles all the time, and some would fall on the big days. It sucks cause you feel like you don’t get a say in how you feel about it. But you do. No one gets to tell you how to feel other than yourself. You can be mad, even at your mom. Just a little bit. But if she tried, that’s a lot better than other people would do.”

He pulls into the school and finds an empty parking spot. All the way in the back of the lot since they’re so late.

“And, for what it’s worth, happy birthday.”

“Thanks. For that and for the ride.”

Eddie shrugs. “No problem.”

. . .

Julie sits at the counter, eating her breakfast like normal. Steve trying, and probably failing, to sneak glances to her to gage her mood. To see if anything’s shifted. If this week is going to be worse than the last one.

Steve knows that it’s her birthday on Saturday. He remembered the date from when he saw her birth certificate and marked it on his calendar a little while later. Julie can either be ok with it like Christmas, or it can be bad like her mom’s birthday. But Steve doesn’t know, and he doesn’t want to bring it up. He should, and he will. He just doesn’t want to ruin what could be a bad day with the reminder.

Julie rolls her eyes, looking up from her bowl of cereal. “What, Steve?”

He forgets how obvious he is sometimes. “Nothing,” he tries to play off.”

“You’re doing that thing where you look like you want to say something but are worried if it will affect me. Just say it.”

Steve looks down at his plate. “I was just, wondering, I guess. I remembered your birthday is on Saturday and wanted to know if you wanted to do anything.” He should really stop talking, but he doesn’t. “We don’t have to do anything at all, really. I barely celebrate my own birthday but thought it was worst mentioning because I don’t know what you do. Or did, before, well you know.” He’s cut off when Julie starts laughing. “What?”

“It’s nothing. You just sound so much like Robin right now. You guys really do share a brain.”

“We do not,” Steve starts to say defensively before giving in. “Ok fine, we might just a little. But seriously, your birthday.”

Julie pushes her food around with her spoon. “We never really did anything big. When I was little, it was pancake mountains with every topping. But after a while, she stopped being able to get off work. So it was store bought cake after school, or after nine.”

“Would you want to do that?”

She takes a second to think before answering. Pressing her lips together in thought. “Maybe not exactly. I can’t predict how I’m going to feel when I wake up. I might be ok, but I might not.”

Steve leans forward so he can see her better. “How are you feeling about it now?”

“Sad,” she whispers. “Like I know something’s missing. I know who’s missing. But not, like, sobbing sad. Just that little ache that never quite goes away. But amplified just a little bit.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” He’s known it for far longer than he should have. “How about this, we wait until the morning of to see how you’re feeling. I have the day off from work, so there’s no rush. I’ll be here. If you want to do something special for breakfast, great, we do that. If you don’t, we don’t. The same goes for the cake, or dinner. We’ll play it by ear, ok?”

Julie nods. “That sounds ok.

“And, if you want to invite over a few people, you can. For dinner or for cake or some shit. Just to have them here. Whatever you want.”

“Ok.” Julie finishes her breakfast, bringing her bowl and mug to the sink before heading to grab her things. Steve does a quick wash of the dishes, piling them on the drying rack before grabbing his keys and vest from the hall. When she comes down, he drops her off at school before going to pick Robin up for work.

When they get to work, Steve opens shop, leaving Robin at the front desk and going to the manager’s office. He had a meeting, which was boring as hell, had an interview to fill Robin’s empty shifts now that she started school. Manager things. That he hates just a little bit, but likes the pay raise.

Robin comes in during her break to check her schedule for the next week. Her eyes widen as she double checks the date on Saturday, before turning to him. “January 28 is Julie’s birthday, right?”

“Yep,” Steve says, still reading resumes.

“Oh my god, we have to do something right?” Robin thinks out loud. “Or maybe not, I don’t know if she likes her birthday. Or if it’s different this year cause, you know. I mean, she’s related to you so she might hate her birthday. Have you talked to her about it? Should you talk to her about it?”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Yes, I’ve talked to her. We have a plan. Now if you please, I actually have work to do.”

Robin ignores him trying to push her out of the room. “What’s the plan? I want in.”

“We’re waiting to see how she feels that morning. And if she’s up to it, something small. We might not even have people over at all, so calm down.”

“Ugh, fine. But you better invite me over if there’s cake.” She leaves the office, leaving Steve alone.

. . .

Julie knows that she should be feeling something. But she’s not. There’s been no tears, no wishing, no anger. Just nothing. She kinda just feels empty. Hollow. With a little chest that’s full of sadness, and she knows it’s there. It’s just not open. None of the other chests are either. Leaving the room empty. Her empty.

It’s not like she wants to feel. Feeling nothing is better than her heart getting ripped out of her chest every time the sun rises and reality sets in. But feeling nothing comes with one thing, guilt. That she should be sad, she should be crying. Screaming at the universe for what it did and leaving her like this. Praying to be able to go back in time and call her mom before she went to sleep that night. See if she could beg her to come home early. Or if staying up for another hour would make her mom magically materialize at the front door, perfectly safe.

But it’s all a tune that’s been played before. The bargaining. Wondering if she had done something else, the crash would have never happened. A trail of what if’s repeat in her mind. Telling her that if she did something different, things would change. Her mom would still be here. It never changed anything though.

She did things to block out the sad. Telling herself that if she wrote a little that day, she couldn’t be sad. Because she couldn’t write at all a few months ago. So, she’s better now. She has to be. She was getting dressed every day, taking showers regularly, able to finish a meal. That’s improvement. She should feel improved.

She doesn’t, though. Every day, she wakes up with something missing. Something ignored. There’s a pull in her chest that tries to make it up to her eyes, tries to get the tears flowing again. But can’t. The pools are dried, they have been for weeks. She hasn’t cried in weeks.

It should be an improvement. It doesn’t feel like it. Nothing is felt, nothing is expressed. Her smiles are faker, and her laughs feel foreign. She’s good at faking, so no one sees it. But when they look away, the smile falls back into a thin line. Cheeks hurting from the unnatural pull of her lips. Her eyes stare off into nothingness, unfocused. And she just sits. Feeling nothing important, and only guilt.

“Hey,” El says, sitting across from her. “Julie?”

Julie is brought back to the cafeteria. El’s face focusing again, looking concerned. “Huh?”

“Are you ok? You looked like you were somewhere else.”

She was. Everywhere and nothing all the same. Her mind filled with the conversations around them, not the one she should be a part of. Filling her ears and making it hard to hear. “Spaced out, sorry. What were you saying?”

Max groans. “I was complaining about the people that threw popcorn at me and Lucas when we went to the movies this weekend. It’s bad enough that I can’t see the movie to begin with and Lucas has to whisper what’s happening to me. I don’t need things thrown at me.”

Julie winces. “Shit, that sucks.”

“I know. And like, watching movies at home is so much easier because we can pause it and he can explain it to me. But it’s not the same. I just want to feel normal again.”

El grabs Max’s hand and gives it a comforting squeeze. The conversation shifts, but Julie’s mind wanders again. Back to nothing and everything. Where nothing registers and everything’s ignored. The bites of food taste like nothing, but it’s better than ash. She wants to eat it, but doesn’t all at the same time. She barely hears when the bell rings to go to her next class.

In class, she’s not paying attention. Writing down words that don’t register, letting the words flow out of her brain as fast as they enter. That’s only when the words make it there in the first place. She’ll pay for it later, but doesn’t seem to care. Her grades could slip again. Even if she just made up for it. They can slip. There are more important things to think about. Feel about. Or not feel about.

A police siren drives by the school, and she’s brought back to that day. When the world came crumbling down. It’s like the scene plays out in her mind, but she’s there watching it again. Seeing herself start to fall apart, not believing that it’s true. The moment her mind left her body for a second, and she became frozen.

The image leaves and the room is blurry. Her veins feel full of led, dragging her closer to the floor. Someone calls her name, and her head turns, but she doesn’t tell it to. Her teacher looks at her concerned, from what she can tell.

“Go to the office,” the teacher says. “Someone is coming to pick you up.”

Julie doesn’t know who, there’s no one that can. Her mom isn’t around anymore. But she still picks up her bag, smacking her arm against the desk. Students’ heads turn towards her as she leaves, some whispering to themselves. She doesn’t care. She’s too focused on how she’s walking when her legs feel this numb and heavy.

And then she’s sitting again. Picking at her thumbs out of instinct. Trying to see if she can feel it. She can’t. There’s a slight panic rising in her chest, but it’s fleeting. Something’s wrong, but she’s too spaced out to say what. So, she’s left waiting.

. . .

Steve picks up the phone when it rings.  “Harrington residence.”

“Steve, it is me, El.”

“Hey, El. Aren’t you in school?”

“Yes, I am calling you from a payphone. I am worried about Julie.”

Steve stands up a bit straighter, gripping the phone a little tighter. “What about?” he asks, telling himself that it’s nothing bad so he won’t freak out.

“She was not herself at lunch. It took me four times to get her to hear me say her name. She was not eating, just staring.”

It’s a worse day than he thought it was. Maybe he should go pick her up. “It’ll be ok, just one of her bad days. Thanks for letting me know.”

“No, this was worse. I have seen the bad days. It was like she was not here, Steve. Somewhere stuck in her mind, but not here.”

“Ok. It’ll still be ok. I’m going to come pick her up, make sure she’s ok. Ok? Thanks for letting me know.”

“Ok. Thank you, Steve.” El hangs up the phone.

Steve does the same, heading to the living room to shut off the tv. He finds his shoes, then his keys. And then thinks it’s probably a good idea to call the school to let them know he’s coming so they can call her down. Makes up some excuse about a doctor’s appointment. It’s the same secretary that he knows won’t care to double check.

Julie’s waiting for him in the office when he gets there. Staring at her fingers and picking at the skin. She’s going to have to bandage them later. He signs her out, calling out to her twice before she realizes that they can leave. El was right, she’s stuck in her head.

In the car, she stares out the window. Steve doesn’t try to speak, it’s better to do it when they’re home. He knows what’s happening. It’s happened to him too. Much worse than this, but he knows.

It takes a second for her to register that the car stopped. She gets out of the car, slinging the bag over her shoulder like it’s a foreign motion to her. Looking around at the environment with confusion in her face but nothing in her eyes. He walks around the car, gently ushering her to the front door. Not in a pushy way but giving her the direction her brain isn’t.

She walks to the front door and waits for him to open it, then walks inside. He brings her to the living room, and she sits on the ground. Back against the couch. Steve leaves the living room and comes back with an ice pack, pressing it into her hands. She grabs it, confused.

“Can you tell me what you feel?” he asks gently, sitting across from her.

“Cold,” she responds softly.

“That’s good. How about where we are right now, can you tell me that?”

She looks up from the ground, her eyes scanning the room. Slowly blinking more than before. “The living room. Home.”

“Good, that’s good. I want you to take a deep breath ok. I’m going to count to four. Once for breathing in, again for holding it, then for exhaling it. Nod if you understand.”

Slowly, Julie nods. Steve counts, watching her breathe in, holding the breath until he tells her to let it out. The breathes become stronger, and her finger starts to tap along with his counts. Her eyes meet his and they look less droopy. More awake.

“Where are we, Julie?” he asks again.

“Home, the living room. You picked me up from school.” Her voice is more certain, less strained.

Steve smiles gently. “What’s in your hand?”

“A warm ice pack.”

“What’s the last thing you remember before I picked you up?”

Julie swallows, leaning back. “I remember lunch. El and Max were talking, they noticed I wasn’t. I said I was spaced out.”

“Was that the same as when I came to pick you up?”

She shakes her head. “No, that was different. Like normal spaced out when you get overwhelmed or something. The other one was different. I-,” she pauses, trying to figure out how to say it. “It felt like I was inside my body but not. Like I was doing things but not sure why. And I couldn’t feel anything.”

Steve remembers the first fourth of July after Starcourt. How the fireworks sounded like bombs went off in his ears. Like they were still in his hands, being thrown at the mind flayer. How just before that, he was in a Russian bunker bonded, drugged, and beaten. He couldn’t move for hours.

Robin said that it was the most scared she’s been since they dragged him into the room unconscious and dropped him right next to her. She couldn’t get him to hear her. And that was after her own panic subsided. They thought spending the day together would have made it better. But they still panicked.

She ended up doing the same thing he did now, having read some article about PTSD victims in one of her anxiety induced library runs. They needed to prepare if no one was there to help them. They needed to be able to help themselves.

He doesn’t remember much about those hours when he was frozen. Just that he didn’t feel right. Or there at all. Like his mind and body were in two separate places. Bones felt rigid and everything felt numb. It felt wrong, and he didn’t know why.

“It’s happened to me before. It’s called dissociation. Sometimes it can be minor, kinda like the type you had today, or it can be major. It can last for hours, sometimes days, maybe even a week. Some people can still move, some can’t. It can happen to people who have gone through traumatic experiences, and those who are going through grief.”

Julie’s eyes start to water, and she tries to blink them away. She lets out a shaky breath, visibly trying not to cry.

“Hey, hey,” he soothes. “It’s ok. You can cry if you need to.”

“I heard a siren, I think that’s what caused this. I was fine, and then I heard it, and it brought me back to that morning. And it just felt so fresh all over again, but it was like I was watching myself in my memory react instead of me actually reacting. And then it was gone, and everything felt so heavy.” She stops, mouth opening like she wants to say something else but all that comes out is a choked sob.

Steve places his hands on her shoulders. “Hey, it’s ok. You’re back now. It’s going to be ok. Just let it out.”

Julie crumples forward into Steve. He wraps her in a hug as the sobs break through. Holds her close. Sits there patiently as she calms down slowly. Until her breaths become even again and her tears start to calm.

“How’d you even know to come and get me?” She asks softly.

Steve hums. “El called me. It’s not the first time we’ve delt with something like this, so she knew the signs.”

“I’m glad she did.”

“Me too.”

. . .

Julie doesn’t go to school the next day. Still rattled with what happened yesterday. Why it happened. And how. She would never have guessed that she was affected like that. Until it happened.

She takes it slow. Sleeps in until noon and takes a long shower. Focusing how the water feels and the senses around her. Keeping herself aware. It makes her feel safer, especially since Steve won’t be home for a few hours.

She eats a small breakfast, or lunch. Finds the blanket she likes and brings it to the living room, sliding in her favorite movie. And just sits. Lets herself be for a moment without pretending. Her body sinking into the couch.

Memories of sick days of her childhood come into her mind. How her mom would take off work and they’d sit on the couch watching movies and tv all day. Wrapped up in a blanket with tea or hot chocolate in their hands. Laugh at the funny parts and cry at the sad. The world felt different on those days. All the struggles disappeared, and it was just them. They were happy.

Julie clicks off the movie when the credits role, feeling empty again. Staring off into space as she takes a deep breath. Tears want to fall but they come from nowhere. The pools still dried, only filled slightly yesterday out of fear. The ever-present ache in her chest amplifies, tugging at her brain trying to make her feel. Nothing comes. Julie is numb.

Pulling the blanket tighter around herself, she falls deeper into the couch. Wanting to occupy herself with something, she clicks the tv back on and finds a random channel. Letting the reruns of old sitcoms play in an endless loop. Letting the noise fill her mind when her own thoughts won’t.

When Steve comes home, he finds her there. “Hey, you ok?”

“Yeah,” she answers, still wrapped in the blanket. “I guess.”

“You guess or you know?” he sits down next to her.

She sits up. “I don’t know.”

He nods. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Julie doesn’t know when Steve became this person that she could just talk to. There was a time where they were strangers, and then a time when they were like this. No in between, just a direct shift. It’s strange how fast this became her new normal, how fast that they became close. How it felt kind of normal, like they’ve known each other longer than just a few months.

How it’s weird that they have only known each other for a few months. It’s gotten to a point where Julie can’t imagine a life without Steve being a part of it. At least on some level. While she wished that they had met in different circumstances, she liked that they met at all. That he and her were a family.

“It’s just,” Julie starts. “I was expecting to feel something, about this week you know. But I haven’t. I haven’t really cried since Christmas when we went to visit mom. I guess, I feel kinda guilty that I’m not more affected by this.”

Steve takes a second to think. “There are more ways to feel sad other than crying. Just yesterday you were affected by it, even if you didn’t cry because of grief. Just because you’re not crying doesn’t mean you still aren’t grieving, or that you’re not sad.”

“But my birthday’s on Saturday,” Julie reasons. “And she’s not here and I should feel sad about it. I don’t feel sad about anything.”

“Robin is so much better at this than I am,” Steve mutters to himself. “I think I know what you’re saying. Do you, like.” He pauses, trying to figure out how to phrase what he’s thinking. “Do you feel like emotions are just kind of there, but they don’t stay and even when they’re there, they don’t feel real? Like you’re empty?”

Julie’s shocked with how that explained exactly how she’s feeling. “Yeah, it’s like I’m numb.”

Steve softens his expression. “I need you to know that this is not something to feel guilty about. How you’re feeling, it doesn’t mean that you’re not sad. But this might be something that I’m not the best to help you with.” He takes a deep breath. “Have you thought about maybe seeing a grief counselor?”

Life was too crazy after her mother’s death that it never really crossed her mind. With all the moves, with the adjusting. It was all too much at once.

“No,” she answers honestly. It might have been mentioned in the first week after the accident. But she wasn’t paying attention in any of those meetings. Her mind was always somewhere else.

“I’m not saying that you have to go to one. But I think it might help, especially with what you’re feeling now. So, just think about it, ok.”

“Ok.”

Steve nods, standing and going to the kitchen to make something for dinner. Julie, feeling weirdly motivated after this conversation, pulls out the beat-up copy of The Hobbit that Dustin lent her. He insisted that she take it, saying that the fact that she’s never read it was a travesty. And if they were to ever be friends, it was like a requirement or something. She hated that she kind of liked it.

That’s another thing that just happened in the past few months. Julie had friends. Like a whole group. She’s never had that before. Sure, there were people that she vaguely knew that she would sit with at lunch in middle school. And there was Mary. But once she moved, Julie never really filled that spot again.

Then high school came with all of the cliques, and she never found her own. So, it was a lunch table with people she didn’t know and her journal, or a book, just trying to get through the day. She didn’t know how much she missed having a friend until they were suddenly thrown at her. And this group didn’t know how to let go even if they’re not wanted.

Julie thinks of her mom. How she would have smiled learning that Max from down the street is now one of her best friends. How there was another girl named Jane, but went by El, that came with. Be happy seeing Julie be happy.

She would have liked seeing Steve and Julie grow their relationship. Happy that Steve took Julie in and was anything but his father. Happy that Julie is in a safe, loving home, even if she wasn’t a part of it. She would want Julie to keep living the life she always dreamed. Graduate high school and go to college. Maybe write a book one day. Maybe change careers entirely. Her mom wanted to see Julie conquer the world.

And she would want Julie to celebrate her birthday. Even if it felt wrong to do so without her. Even if Julie would miss her more than the day before. She didn’t want to see her little girl hurt more than she needs to.

“Life keeps moving,” her mom said once. “Can’t stop it, no matter how hard you try. There’re two things you can do. Mope around and let it drown you or look it straight in the face and tell it that you’re ready for whatever it can throw at you. And trust me, it can throw a hell of a lot.”

It’s like Julie can still here her mom’s voice in her head. Still feel the feel of her mom’s hands against her cheek as they cup her face.

“You, Jules. You could take on the world if you wanted to. And you taught me that I can too.”

Julie lived by those words for a long time. Up until the accident. It’s easier to drown than to keep fighting, especially when the world looks so bleak. But sometimes there’s glowing specks of light at the top that are too tempting to ignore. People that remind Julie to fight again.

Steve calls out that there’s food if Julie wants it. She yells back that she’ll be there in a minute. Closes the book that she wasn’t really reading, too lost in her own thoughts. Looking at the creases in the cover, the warped corners and the frayed edges. It wasn’t perfect, but it was loved.

The two options that her mom posed all those years ago made sense at the time. It was easy to pick one or the other when life was simple. But life isn’t so simple anymore. There are days when Julie’s drowning, and lets it happen. Then there are days when she’s able to work with what life’s given her.

Thinking about it, the second option is more complicated than her younger mind initially thought. Life is unpredictable and cruel, but it keeps moving. It’s better to move along with it than staying stuck in place. Even if moving one foot forward seems impossible, it can still happen. As long as she tries.

“Would it be too late to say I wanted to do something for my birthday?” Julie prompts halfway through dinner.

Steve looks at her shocked, but there’s a soft smile on his face. “No, not at all.”

. . .

“And you’re sure you wanted to invite everyone, not just Max and El,” Steve asks again, walkie in hand.

Julie did think about keeping it small. Thought about just having over a few people. But she’s never really had a birthday party before. Not with a lot of people. She’s been to them. Been to the parties with the giant cakes and games that no one really likes. Just never had one of her own.

And it’s not like she doesn’t get along with the guys. They’ve been secretly growing on her more than she’d like to admit. As noisy and frustrating as they are. But they were nice and loyal and cared. About her, about each other. It felt nice to be in a group like that.

So, screw it, she wanted to invite all of them. Because she genuinely liked them.

“Yes, I’m sure.”

Steve shrugs. “Alright, but don’t say I didn’t warn you about this.” He picks up the walkie, holding down the receiver button. “Code Periwinkle, my house at six.”

Julie snorts. “Periwinkle, really?” Steve just shrugs.

There only a slight break before Robin’s voice comes over the walkie. “Fuck yes, cake.”

“You with Harrington DNA need to get better about telling people when your birthdays are,” Dustin angrily says through the walkie. “Like I’m sorry we care about you.”

“Jesus, calm down,” Lucas says.

“Just be glad he’s only slightly pissed,” Mike says.

“Yeah, remember when he found out that Steve lied about when his birthday was,” Will says.

“I am still fucking pissed about that.”

Julie looks at Steve. “You lied about your birthday?”

“I didn’t really like my birthday when I lied about it.”

“I’m offended that I just heard about this now,” Max says over the walkie, “but I will still be there.”

Julie takes the walkie from Steve’s hand. “Also, don’t bring any presents or anything. This isn’t anything special, just my birthday.”

That starts a whole thing that just ends up with a bunch of static and broken sentences as they all try and talk at once. The group keeps bickering over the walkie until Steve turns it off. Then they get to work. Dinner’s easy because they are just going to order some pizzas. But the house could use a clean and it’s a reason for Julie to pick up the clothes on her floor.

Once her room is clean, Julie heads back downstairs to see if Steve needs any help. There’s a sweet smell coming from the kitchen. It confuses her. Steve’s doing dishes when she walks into the kitchen.

“What are you making?” She sits on one of the barstools.

“Cake, it is your birthday after all.”

“Oh.” Julie can’t remember the last time she’s had a homemade cake at all, let alone for her birthday. “What kind?”

Steve dries his hands on a towel after resting the last dish on the dish rack. “Vanilla, can’t go wrong with that. Hope that’s ok.”

“No, it’s terrible, I actually hate vanilla,” she deadpans, watching Steve’s face start to panic before she smiles. “I’m joking, that’s fine. Good, even.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, that was terrible,” Steve exhales. “You can’t do that to me.”

Julie laughs. “I’m sorry. You’re just so easy to mess with. Need any more help down here?”

“I don’t think so, I got most of it done yesterday. How are you doing though? You seem better.”

Better is a loose term. It like the happiness that she’s feeling is resting on the outside of her skin, not sinking in. Like she’s wearing it as clothes instead of actually feeling it. It doesn’t feel like a mask, though. Or anything really.

But she is happy, with that slight tinge of sadness as an aftertaste. Her smile isn’t fake, and she was able to joke around again. When she woke up, she didn’t dread getting out of bed. Wanted to wear something other than sweats. Cleaned partially because it was a chore, but it didn’t feel taxing. It was a good day.

“Ok,” she answers. A good day didn’t mean a great day, and there was still the feeling of emptiness inside. “I feel happy, kinda but not really. But it feels good, not like I’m pretending or anything.”

“If anything changes, say the word and I’ll kick them out.”

Julie smiles. “I think I’ll be ok, but thank you.”

A few hours later and the doorbell rings. Julie gets up to answer it, almost immediately being crushed in a hug by El.

“Happy birthday,” she says with a squeeze. “I cannot believe that you did not tell us. But I am glad you did.”

Max rolls through the door, Lucas pushing her, with her arms crossed. “Only took you till the day of.”

“Max,” El and Lucas say in unison. Max waves them off.

Julie shrugs. “I didn’t know if I would want to do anything at all. So, I didn’t tell you.”

“At least you have a good reason,” Dustin complains when he comes in. “Unlike someone else we know,” he yells down the hall.

“You need to let that go,” Steve yells back.

“I will not, Robin knew your real birthday before me. And I knew you longer.”

Robin comes through the door, placing her hand on Dustin’s head to push him out of the way. “That just means he likes me better. You guys do know you can move into the house, right? We don’t have to crowd the doorway.”

The group slowly moves into the living room, the rest of them coming in with Eddie and the pizzas. Almost as fast as the pizzas were brought in, they disappeared. Everyone stacking a few slices on their plates before going to the living room to watch a movie. With no fighting because it was Julie’s birthday, so she got to pick, and no one could say anything about it.

When it ends, they gather in the kitchen to have cake. Insisting on singing even though Julie tries to protest. But they do anyway. Not in synch at all, but it doesn’t matter. It makes Julie laugh.

“So,” Dustin starts when they sit down to eat.

“So what?”

“How do you like The Hobbit?”

Lucas groans. “Dude, you’re making her read The Hobbit.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Mike asks.

“You don’t have to read it if you don’t want to,” Max interjects. “He’ll make it seem like it’s a big deal, but it’s not.”

“Yes, it is. It is crucial knowledge that is needed to be a part of this group.”

“Well, I never read it and I’m still here.”

“I have been reading it,” Julie says in hopes to stop the argument. “But they, like, just got to the Lonely Mountain, so calm down. It’s good.”

“See,” Dustin says victorious, “she likes it. I am not forcing her to read it.”

Julie tilts her head to the side. “I mean, there was a little forcing. You did shove it into my hands and then run away so I couldn’t give it back.”

The argument continues until it eventually just dies down into something else. Slowly, parents start to come and pick up their kids. Robin and Eddie stay to help Steve clean up, Julie being forced to sit down when she tries to.

Steve stops her before she heads upstairs to bed. “I know you said no gifts, but,” he hands her a journal. “Happy birthday.”

She looks at the journal in her hands, a red bow stuck to the cover. “Thank you.”

He gives her a side hug before returning to the kitchen, leaving Julie to go upstairs. When she does, she slips on her mom’s sweatshirt when she changes. Climbs into her bed.

Staring at the ceiling, she can almost feel the warm smile on her mom’s face. How happy she would be knowing that Julie had a good day. Good friends. Good family. Know that Julie was taken care of by people who cared about her, wanted to see her succeed.

The happiness of the night left, as if they were taken off when she changed outfits. Sadness doesn’t fill the void that was left, though. Nothing really does.

Thinking about it, Julie should talk to someone. Wants to. Maybe she’ll bring it up to Steve tomorrow, and they can find someone. Or call Sarah, see if she has any recommendations. But that is a tomorrow problem. Right now, Julie wants to go to sleep knowing that today was good.

Wants to feel the smallest bit of joy that was in the house an hour ago. Feel it soak into her and stay instead of draining as soon as the night ended. Find someway to patch up the whole that keeps letting her feelings out. Keep them instead of constantly feeling empty.

Like a child, Julie grabs the pillow next to her and holds it close to her chest. Pretending it was the bear she used so much that it eventually lost its leg. She wasn’t sad. Something else that she couldn’t quite name. She just wanted a little extra comfort as she fell asleep.

Tomorrow, she promised herself. She’d do something about it tomorrow. Right now, she needed to sleep.

Tag list(let me know if you want to be added or removed): @homoerotictangerine, @mugloversonly, @thesuninyaface, @imyelenasexual, @anaibis, @ilovecupcakesandtea, @brainsteddielyrotted, @jackiemonroe5512, @eddie-munsons-missing-nipple, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @cinnamon-mushroomabomination, @lolawonsstuff, @writingandmushroomdragons, @stevesbipanic, @sierra-violet, @steddie-as-they-go, @dauntlessdiva, @mousedetective, @the-daydreamer-in-the-corner, @zombiethingy, @connected-dots-st-reblogger, @that-agender-from-pluto, @allyricas, @cheddartreets, @devondespresso, @crypticcorvidinacottage, @queenie-ofthe-void @chronicpainstevetruther, @cheddartreets, @theupsidedownrealestateagent, @acidbubblegummie, @sirsnacksalot, @l0st-strawberry, @helpimstuckposting, @strawberry-starss, @freddykicksasses, @italianwhore1, @i-threw-my-name-out-the-window, @rageagainsttheapathy, @nuggies4life, @ape31, @whimsicalwitchm, @chrissycunninghamfanblog, @michellegilligan, @hippielittlemetalhead, @bridget-malfoy-stilinski-hale, @jaytriesstuff, @confused-stripes, @faeb1tch42069, @marklee-blackmore, @hel-spawn, @genderless-spoon, @mamafaithful, @estrellami-1, @starryeyedpoet17 @i-amthepizzaman, @lilpomelito @melonmochi

[cenviswasteland]

do u think kristoph gavin is a mommy issues haver or a daddy issues haver. or if both which one does he have worse. idk why im asking this i just wanna know what u think - 💾

FLOPPY DISK!!! i missed you, nerd. let's talk about it!

so, canonically we know fuck-all about the gavin family outside of klav and kris. this is both a blessing and a curse. from what i can tell, there's a semi-popular fandom headcanon where papa gavin was also a defense attorney, but i cannot find sources at the moment. there's a high possibility that i just made it up.

my personal thoughts on the gavin family? i do like the "papa gavin is a defense attorney" thing, so i'm keeping that. and although i can't name an occupation for mama gavin, i think she was very wealthy. in general the gavin brothers give me "born with a silver spoon" vibes, so i'm extrapolating. of course, with mom having all the money in the world to throw around and dad being no financial slouch either, the boys would get basically whatever they wanted.

(note: from here on, i'm going to focus on kristoph since that's what the ask is about. i might make a follow-up with some thoughts on klavier later though. lol)

the thing is, a lot of work goes into "keeping appearances" in wealthy families, like the old money that mama gavin was steeped in. that extends to the children as well. first-born kristoph, the shining light of the new generation, was expected to be the perfect young man from the beginning. as soon as he had some grasp on fine motor skills, he was learning the violin and the piano. he's supposed to be a well-rounded boy, after all. he had private tutors, teaching him an expedited course. he's the gavins' boy, of course he's gifted academically. he was always dressed well, and scolded for playing with his tie or cufflinks or hair. he was taught his manners; always eat your first course with the smallest fork, always keep a light smile on your face, always say "bless you" when people sneeze. don't slouch, don't be crass, don't raise your voice. "behave yourself, kristoph. remember where you came from."

i do think that as time went on and kristoph grew, it was his father's voice that rang more loudly in his ears. he'd get into petty fights with his mother about little details. but he looked up to his father. more than anyone in the world, he looked up to his father. how could he not? his father was awesome. he always won the case for his clients, no matter what, and they always looked so happy! so kristoph started showing an interest in law, and his father was more than happy to show him the ropes. in between the legal jargon and the textbooks, he picked up on the little things: how to "tell" when a client is "worth your time". how to "find" evidence that wasn't there before. how to make a witness "tell the truth".

is this to say that kristoph has "daddy issues" because of how he shaped him? no, i don't think so. i think if you were to ask him "what made you want to get into law?", he'd still say that it was because of his father.

does that mean that kristoph has "mommy issues" because his mother was the one pushing kristoph into the shape of the old money family's son? no, i don't think so. he never stripped away those influences-- just look at the "beautiful nails" line in 4-4, or how he holds himself so elegantly and precisely.

if you want a specific answer, i think both of his parents gave him issues. hella issues. but he doesn't really go agonizing "ohh my dad ruined my life" or anything.

at the end of the day this is all headcanon. like i said, the AA fandom is really working with scraps when it comes to anything gavin-family related, so i might just be waffling into the air. send more asks if you want lmao.

thanks for reading. peace love and little donuts or whatever lol

[the5thcellar]

The crossing boundary performative stuff is what makes the PR over the top and what turns people off. THAT is the stuff that isn’t needed or required of them. It makes everything about their supposed closeness questionable now. Professional PR industry folk were even on Twitter questioning certain behavior and said it went beyond normal and could potentially cause blowback.

this is a prime example of how the "it's all PR folks" are completely contradictory. it's not required of them to act that way.... so instead of accepting that they're genuine friends who share a level of intimacy and trust borne of their unique experiences ... people assume it's all fake ???

ok cool cool cool cool cool.

I mean. if that one photo of Antonia has y'all so fucking worked up I can't imagine how y'all are gonna react when more photos of them together start popping up. next thing I know y'all will start questioning if Nic and Luke even talk outside of doing their scenes together.

the lack of ability to deal with complexity and nuance is painful to watch.

different things can be true all at once. Luke and Nic can ham it up in interviews for the PR to tease fans. at the same time they can ALSO be really fucking great friends trying to navigate the fine line between friends and ... something else.

they can both see other people romantically ... and also be really fucking great friends who feel some type of way for each other.

they can get MARRIED TO OTHER PEOPLE and have kids and live whole other lives ... and also one day find their way back to each other.

this isn't even an uncommon path. it happens in real life and it happens in the celeb world.

I can't believe y'all think that just because they played some parts of their relationship up for PR ... that everything is suddenly fake and that they were outright lying to fans and trying to deceive them ...

and please miss me with the professional PR industry folk bs. I saw those tweets and rolled my eyes. I work in PR myself. those people were feeding into the frenzy and saying whatever would get them the most likes. it's obvious that it's hyperbole done for clicks. it's like doctors saying "I'm a medical professional and even I'm stumped by this case." they say it as a bit. if you actually asked them for their thoughts they WILL all have long drawn out explanations on the PR strategy the show is taking.

that's why media literacy and the humanities are so important. if people feel lied to regarding the PR, it's because they can't differentiate between when moments are exaggerated and when things are real. it's because they're too used to straightforward narratives à la Marvel movies and think what they see is literally what they get, instead of recognising that these are REAL PEOPLE with real lives and REAL relationships that are complicated. it's because they're watching too many tiktoks instead of reading novels and therefore not knowing how to read between the lines.

one rotten apple doesn't make the whole tree bad. if you feel you're being lied to and that the PR they did was all fake... that's mostly on you. find others who agree with you and can offer you the validation you clearly seek.

because i definitely don't feel the same.

[sadlynotthevoid]

GUYS!!

I was listening to Charlotte's ending (because, being honest, that anime has the most beautiful music in the story of anime and sometimes I just need to hear it again— damn it why does it have to have such a story) and I thought 'I wish there was a lcf crossover with og cale of this'. Which, great idea, actually.

So I started to daydream about it (instead of writing anything as the procrastinator that I am) and my first thought was that it has to be a sort of happier life, since the anime ended like that (specially for the Otosaka siblings, overall the Otosaka siblings). So my brain said "hey, why don't put the main cast in the Northeast families? Nao now has to deal with Eric's dorkness". So I went with it and tried to figure out 'which northeast family gets what charlotte character?'

I wanted to put Yuu in the Henituse family because the ending destroyed me, damn it, I want him to be happy. And his little sister— wait didn't they had an older sibling too? (I can't believe I forgot about Shunsuke ;∆; I'm so sorry. You were my fav)

Then I realized—

OG CALE AND SHUNSUKE ARE BASICALLY THE SAME FUCKING PERSON!

Protective older siblings? Check. Selfsacrifical bastards ready to throw themselves for their family? Check. A strange relationship with time? Check. Elegant warm smile that reaches the eyes? Check. Absolutely badass hidden character? Check. Charming as fuck? Also fucking check.

They both even have the same 'I hold the key to salvation you need' and 'I wnt back in time so they won't be doomed' roles!

So—

Nao, Joujirou, Yusa, Misa, and Kumagami (he's the guy who located people with powers in the map and he was Shunsuke's best friend. He matters to me, okay?) are all reborn in the northeast families. Nao is Eric's younger sister. Yusa and Misa are twins and Gilbert's pain in the ass. Koujirou, the poor bastard, is born in the Stan family and runs away at the first chance. Kumagami is Amiru's older sibling who owns a shop because Ubarr is a matriarchal family (fuck thanks) and he needs to pay his meals (he may or may not be going for his third life. And he may or may not be a certain someone).

And the Otosaka's? They're reincarnated as the Henituse siblings... who have no idea the others remember their past lives.

They do, however, know who the others were.

Lily is the first one to remember. It take her some time to put the pieces together and realize that her dreams are not just dreams. That said, she recognized Bassen immidiately. He's still as sweet with her as before and, although her oppa may not realize, he can be quite unhinged sometimes. (That's fine tho. Most of them are.)

She lasts more to recognize Cale. She and her orabeoni aren't so close, she doesn't know him that well. That's why it takes her some old blurred memories from when she barely could walk and a bad night to notice. Ayumi's Shunsuke and Lily's Cale are the same person. After that the soft spot her orabeoni has for them becomes so obvious to her that she has to ask herself if she was blind before. Scary? Trash? Pshh, orabeoni was the biggest softy in the world. Let alone people, he doesn't like harming bugs. He picks them up and puts them outside so the servants won't squash them. Why do people think he would hit anyone?

Bassen cringes at his past life choices. He can't believe he used to be so— so— irresponsible. How embarrasing.

He's kind of surprised and sad at how good student his brother was. Not because he didn't think he's smart enough, but because he didn't expect him to effort so much at it. And if he did before, why did he drop his studies this time? Knowing all what he does now, he has the feeling that it must be either something stupidly self-sacrifical or something really important he decided not to tell anyone.

Lily seems to him pretty much the same but with a liking for swords. Good. Luckily, this way she would be able to protect herself this time. And gosh, isn't he reliaved they don't have those powers this time? No more accidental collapsing buildings for her.

Cale is the last one to remember that life. He's also the only one to remember their future life and probably the only one who knows why they remembered. Just like he tends to do with most things, he doesn't tell anyone about it (except Kumagami) until it comes up in a conversation or it's needed. (Alberu is a little bit jealous about this. Why does that guy gets to know but not him? Aren't they close too? Does he not trust Alberu as much? Thankfully someone has the mind to tell him that that's just how they used to be. And also because Kumagami seems is, as far as they know, the only one of Shunsuke's circle of friends that came to this world with them.)

His siblings? Oh, he knew it instantly.