#i want to scream and throw things and break stuff but then ill just be alone in a broken room

[boonasaurusrex]

I feel like the fucking Patrick meme

"Your Specific Acronym is defined by wild swings from extreme highs to very low lows"

"Yes."

"You were diagnosed because you exhibit these behaviors."

"Yep."

"The medication you've been prescribed helps to level those swings"

"Absolutely."

"The medication has been having less of an effect recently."

"Yeah, I made an appointment to get them readjusted"

"That means the old behaviors are coming back."

"Yep, on it"

"You've been riding a strong high for the past several days"

"Uh huh"

"Which means a low is coming and is simply a symtom of The Illness"

"No actually I'm just physically repulsive and incapable of love and all of my coworkers (not friends because I can't make friends) hate me and are mocking me at every turn and I'll never make a human connection again in my life because I'm so repulsive and weird and isolated. These are intrinsic truths that have nothing to do with current events :)))))))))"

[obxthornton]

Wine Drunk and Breakups

Summary: Drunk texts and unopened wine

Warnings: Violence, Blood, Hints at an abusive relationship, Alcohol

WC: 2279

I was drunk, very drunk actually. I sat on my couch, the music from my TV blasting throughout my apartment. I never actually meant to get this drunk, I just wanted one glass of wine, just one. However, I was now trying to open up my third bottle and I had broken the corkscrew. I also never actually meant to text him. I hadn't even thought about my actions until after I had already sent the text. Nevertheless, my wine was still very important. A knife was stuck into the top of the cork as I tried to wobble it back and forth. My fingers were wrapped around the neck of the bottle as I worked the knife. I let out a small cry as the knife slipped, slicing one of my fingers. I groaned loudly, dropping the knife on the ground. I was never going to drink this.

The door to my apartment flew open, slamming against the wall next to it. I screamed at the noise, turning to look at who the intruder was. Oh god, I did text him. Logan scanned the room in high defense mode before turning to me on the ground. His leather jacket was hanging off one of his shoulders, his hair messy.  "what the hell lo!" I yelled motioning to the hole that was now in my wall. "What happened? Are you okay?" He asked coming over, he scanned my body for injuries, his eyes landing on the finger dripping blood onto the ground. I huffed as logan grabbed a paper towel and handed it to me, "Are we just going to ignore the huge fucking hole in my wall? You owe me." I huffed wrapping the paper towel around my finger. I grabbed my bottle of wine, hugged it in my arms. "ill fix it- You texted me saying you were in trouble, what's wrong y/n?" Logan looked at me concerned. I huffed and looked at the bottle of wine I was cradling in my arms, "I can't open it." I heard Logan's breath hitch, "what?" he growled loudly. I sighed, "I broke the bottle opener. I can't open it." I repeated. Logan let out an annoyed breath, rubbing his face, "You texted me SOS I'm in a huge mess please come and help, and sent me an audio recording of you sobbing and begging for my help for this. This!" Logan yelled at me. "I would have asked someone else if I knew you'd act like this. All miserable with your own life and stuff," I mumbled picking at the cork of the bottle. Logan crotched down to my level and snapped his fingers at me so I would look at him, "Are you actually serious Y/N? I thought you were hurt. But no, you're just drunk." He huffed. I narrowed my eyes at him, "I know, you would only help if it was buried in your conscious if you didn't. And I'd like to be alittle more drunk if you could open this stupid bottle." I huffed, picking up the knife and jabbing it into the cork. Logan looked at me like I was insane, his mouth slightly open, one eye squinted alittle. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he huffed. I shrugged, "lots of things."

Logan rolled his eyes and stood up next to me, rubbing a hand over his head. "why didn't you just ask your boy toy." he said motioning his hand to the bedroom. I worked the knife into the cork, groaning in annoyance as I watched the knife break off the handle. "He broke up with me last week," I stated, pulling out the blade from the cork and throwing it to the other side of the kitchen. "What?!" Logan yelled, his claws coming out by accident. I smiled and took my wine bottom, jamming it upwards onto the Adamantium, letting the claw pierce the cork. I pulled down and the cork popped out, stuck on the man's claw. I took the bottle to my mouth and drank a long, deserved drink. Logan grabbed the cork and threw it on the counter before retracting his claws. He crouched back down to my level, grabbing the bottle from my hands, and holding it tightly by the neck. "Y/N, what do you mean he broke up with you?" I reached for the bottle but he moved it just far enough away so I couldn't grab it. I huffed and fell back against the cabinets. "He has a new girlfriend he just needs a place to stay for a while so he's still living here," I huffed staring at the wine bottle, "Can I have it back now?" Logan stood up, rubbing his mouth with his hand and shaking his head. "I'm going to kill him." He said to me, eyebrows raised,   "I'm going to kill him!" He yelled throwing the bottle of wine against the wall. The bottle shattered into a million little pieces and dark red wine coated my apartment. "Logan! What the hell!" I stared down at the liquid that had started to seep toward me, it soaked into my socks turning them into a soggy mess. Logan was mumbling words I could not hear, and I just stared down at my socks. Weirdly, they had been a Christmas gift last year from my partner, soaked in the wine we had bought to drink on our anniversary. Two drops of blood dripped onto the sock, soaking in another shade of red. I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand, revealing a streak of blood. 

My lip quivered lightly and all the emotions of the day finally hit me, as well as the alcohol and lack of. Sober me would curse myself for crying in front of logan, he hated tears, more importantly, girl tears. "Oh god," Logan muttered as a quiet sob came from my lips. I brought my knees up to my chin and buried my face in them, wrapping my arms around them. I cried lightly into them thinking about how stupid and oblivious I had been in my relationship. "Y/N." Logan said lightly, his voice coming from right in front of me. I choked back a sob, sniffling as I looked up from my knees. Logan was crouched in front of me, a solemn and awkward look covering his face. His eyes scanned my face, looking at the cut that had been dripping blood down my forehead. "Come on let's get you cleaned up." He said holding out his hands. I slowly reached to grab them and he helped me stand up. When I stood up, he pushed my shoulders lightly to turn me around before he picked me up and sat me on the kitchen counter next to the sink. He grabbed a cloth and the first aid kit that was under my sink. He grabbed a pair of tweezers and started removing the few small pieces of the wine bottle that had embedded itself in my forehead. "I didn't mean for you to get hurt." He said in a quiet voice, "I'll clean up everything." He ran the cloth under warm tap water before dabbing it on my forehead, cleaning up the drops of blood. I stared blankly behind Logan, my eyes heavy and dull. He finished up cleaning the cuts, searching my body for any more. He removed the paper towel from my finger and dabbed around that cut as well. "Logan?" I said softly. He hummed in response looking up at me. My lip quivered lightly, "why doesn't he love me?" I asked the question and it felt like the tears instantly ran down my face. Logan sighed as my head fell forward, my forehead resting on his chest as I cried. His hand found the back of my head as if to hold me to his chest so I wouldn't sit up. "I don't know."  

-

I had sobered up in the last hour alittle and calmed down from my overflow of pushing all my emotions down. I was now on my couch, wrapped in a blanket, with the TV playing calm peaceful guitar music. My face had been stained with mascara but Logan had wiped them with the cloth as well. Logan hadnt left yet. He sat in the chair, fingers laced together as he stared straight ahead. "you don't have to stay lo." I said quietly. He raised a finger at me, his head cocking slightly as if he was listening. He closed his eyes and exhaled through his teeth, "oh brother." he muttered. I looked at him confused before I heard the front door open and slam shut. I froze at the noise, my eyes already threatening to release more emotions. My eyes darted to Logan who was already on his feet. "y/n!" My ex-boyfriend called, his car keys dangling as he threw them on the kitchen counter. "yah" my voice cracked lightly as I answered him. He walked into the living room looking at something on his phone, "I need the apartment for the night." He stated, looking up from his phone at me. He did a double take, now looking from me to Logan. My ex laughed, "of course. Of course, he's here." He scoffed at me shaking his head, "I always knew you were fucking him." I shook my head trying to convince him, "It's not like that, I never cheated on you. Logan is my friend, you know that." My ex chuckled hands on hips, he stopped laughing and slammed his open palm on the couch arm. "You were always a whore y/n. I had to drag guys away from you because you'd always put on a show for them. But you never cared about any of those guys, you cared about him. Tell me y/n, tell me you like him." The tears were starting to pool in my eyes, "I don't! I only ever liked you, you know that baby." He shook his head, "Liar! You know how much I hate liars Y/n." 

At this point, the tears were running down my face. Logan had stood up now, a dangerous look on his face. "No No No." I babbled out standing up and putting myself in between Logan and my ex. My hands were on Logan's chest as if that would stop him from pushing past me. "please Logan please don't do this. Please don't hurt him." I begged the man. Logan wasnt looking at me, simply at the man behind me, "Go home, Logan. I'm okay, I'm safe." He looked down at me, searching my face to see if I was believing what I was saying. "yeah go home bud. Don't worry, I'll give her back when I'm done with her." Logan's eyes went wide and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, letting my head fall. He pushed past me and walked towards my ex, pushing him by his shoulders into the wall. My ex laughed, "You can have her man. No need to fight over her. If you want a needy, emotional, bitch then by all means she's yours." Logan had the man cornered against the wall, his back towards me. I heard the sound of Logan's claws coming out causing me to go wide-eyed. His arm came back and he quickly shoved his claws right next to my ex's head, into the wall. The other set of claws was brought to his chin holding his face up to look at Logan. "The only reason I don't rip you apart right now is because she doesn't need to see that." He said in a quiet voice. "But trust me when I say, I have never wanted to shred someone as much as I do right now." Logan laughed coldly. "What I want you to do is grab your keys, and leave. If I ever see you in this neighborhood, this town, hell this state. I will kill you, do you understand? And, if I ever see you speaking to y/n or even looking at her, or god help us, you lay a single finger on her or raise your voice, I will rip you apart and have you wishing you were dead." His words were laced with venom. "I know how much you hate liars so I want you to know I will hold this like a promise." I watched as logan pushed the man's face away with his claws before pulling the others out of the wall. "Now get the hell out of here before you piss me off again." My ex made eye contact with me, his face laced with an emotion I wasnt sure about, before grabbing his keys off the counter and going out the door. Before he shut the door he waved a finger at the both of us, "You both are psycho, you guys deserve each other," He huffed before slamming the door. Logan rubbed his hand over the three holes in the wall where his claws had sunk in, "can fix that too." I walked up to him, wrapping my arms around his waist, and burying my head into his chest. "Thank you, Lo." He slowly wrapped his arms around my back, his head resting on my head. He placed a kiss on my head before he put his hands on my cheeks and made me look up at him. "I would never let anything happen to you okay?" He said, "I'll always be there." I nodded slightly. He sighed placing another kiss on my forehead before wrapping his arms back around me. "you are safe."

[muzicgenerator]

Hey, can I request an angst story with Bill and reader (the reader is female) abt crazy fans please? Like them (Bill and the reader) admitting somewhere (idk maybe in an interview for a magazine) that they almost broke up because of that (maybe reader's fanbase is known for being "too much" sometimes like following the reader everywhere, being so in love with her etc)

(Also could the story take place in the 2000s please?)

Goodbye 👋

i like this one im actually excited abt writing this one shot

btw im so sorry for late reply AHSJHFKDHDK please expect ill take like AT LEAST a week to answer yalls request bc im busy as hell w school 😭😭 love u guys pls understand

and again this aint entirely proof read

⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒

Too Much?

✮

Pairing: Bill Kaulitz x Fem Reader

Genre: Angst, Mostly fluff

Warnings: Stalking, mention of nonconsensual touching, very embarrassing storytime from bill

Request Status: closed :(

✩°｡⋆⸜ 🎧✮ I'm Not Okay (I Promise) : My Chemical Romance

(Time set back in late November of 2007)

Being a famous actress since as a child was unbelievably tough.

You had worked so hard and expertly; you didn't even have time to spend your childhood properly.

Just at the age of 19 and you've finished numerous movies and series. A true self-made millionaire, really.

You and your ravenette boyfriend are currently doing an interview for a night show.

"So ____, wow! After a long pause from doing films you're finally gonna have one showing soon! How is it like? Being back and all; being the talk of the country."

In the past one and a half year you hadn't done any projects since you've decided to take a break for yourself. And now you're once again busy taping with film staff and directors for your new and upcoming Teenage Romance movie.

Rest assured it's not your typical boy-meets-girl or vice versa and they do sappy sweet stuff and get together kind of film; it has its own uniqueness that will surely be called as "One of 2000s greatest Teen Romance movies of all time."

"Oh, I feel great Hanna. I had a deserving break and I'm back to doing one of the things I love most. I'm even happier because I got my lover and his band to sing the theme song for the movie." You truthfully answered and chuckled by the end of your statement.

"How about you Bill? How are things with your band?" Hanna included Bill to the conversation.

At that, he smiled politely. "Everything's great with us y'know, we're still together and all. Which I'm grateful for."

After a few more minutes for pep talk; the blonde interviewer finally decided to get onto the exciting part of the show.

"And now, for the moment we've all been waiting for! Dunk Tank!" Hanna smiled widely at the selected crowd.

"Where in this game; you will pick someone from the crowd who will accompany you with this game.

Your selected teammate will ask any question they want; to which you will answer, and if you don't want to then they'll get a chance to throw a ball on the target. Where if they hit it, you'll fall down the tank."

Hanna excitedly announced despite having done this for the nth time.

"____ and Bill, play Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who goes first."

You knew you'd beat Bill since every single time you played it - he'd miserably lose.

"Oh, I'm confident in winning this one!" you proudly say.

"Just because you've beat me all the other times we played this, doesn't mean I'll lose now!" Bill accepted your challenge and laughed.

He was right. He won for the very first time.

"Oh my God! Did I seriously win?!" your black clothed boyfriend exclaimed.

"I only let you win this time because I felt sorry." you playfully rolled your eyes with a smirk.

"Whatever, I'm gonna choose now." he giggled and stepped closer to the crowd.

His fan girls were screaming at the top of their lings, begging to be chosen by him.

No, you weren't jealous. Not one bit. Sometimes Bill would even complain about you not being possessive of him from time to time and would think you're not as in love as he thought.

It's cute, really. Then you'll show him how much you love him through actions rather than words.

Bill chose a girl who seemingly looked two or three years younger.

The joyous girl screamed in surprise; "Oh my god! What?! Me??! SERIOUSLY??"

It made Bill giggle, "Yes, you! Now get down here!"

A body guard helped the girl down; and when she was no longer at the stairs she rushed Bill to hug him but abruptly stopped. "Hi oh my god you're more beautiful up close! Can I hug you?!" she says excitingly.

It made your heart flutter just how kinder your boyfriend's fans are compared to yours.

To say your fan base is crazy is an understatement. Many would harass you through nasty words or touching you with no consent; it didn't matter if they did that out of how much they "love" you, it was still disgusting.

"Um, yeah. Sure!" he hesitantly looked at you; his eyes asking for permission. To which you subtly nodded.

Again, your heart melted by how he's making sure you're okay with it. Honestly, you very much understood that being famous would mean people wanting to hug you or any form of physical contact. Plus, it's not like you can say no to Bill from hugging a fan; you'd be a scandal. And you knew Bill wouldn't have any other choice as well.

He wrapped an arm over her shoulders while she fully embraced him. Okay, you're a teensy bit jealous especially by the way she's holding him like he's her man.

But that was soon washed away when she turns to you.

"Hi! What's your name sweetie?" Hanna asked and put a mic on her mouth.

"My name is Pauline!"

Before Hanna could say anything further, Pauline beat her to it.

"____!! I'm such a big fan of you too! I've been watching your movies since forever." saying she's over the moon is definitely an understatement! This will definitely be a core memory.

Almost immediately you wrapped your arms around her back and squeezed her. This girl is definitely one of the most respectable and sweetest fan you've ever met.

Was it really low? Yes.

The audience cheered by how sweet you and Bill had been to the girl and by how jealous they were.

As Bill and Hanna chattered about God knows what; the girl leaned closer to you in order to ask a favour which no one can hear.

"Can I ask you to shout out my brother? He has a huge crush on you!"

"Sorry darling but we're in the middle of a show right now. How about later I ask the staff to send you to the backstage? Then I'll give him my magazine with an autograph, and if you have a camera with you - you can video me saying hi to him!" you came up with a resolution.

Was it over the top? You didn't know and you didn't care. You're just fleeting with joy by how this girl isn't like any other of your fans.

"Seriously? You'd do that for me and my brother?" she gasped.

"Well, yeah. I mean it's not always that I have such nice interactions with people who are a fan."

"Okay lovebirds what are you two talking about there?" Hanna teased with a smirk and Bill playfully pouted.

"Nothing, nothing" you laughed and held Bill's arm as the crowd laughed and cheered.

"If you say sooo." she replied. "Alright, your turn to pick!"

You carefully looked around the crowd and walked five steps of the stairs to get a better view of the people on the back. A fifteen year old boy was holding a banner stating "Bill's No.1 Boy", it was cute, really. So you planned to steal your boyfriend's fan! (this a joke dont hate reader pls)

"The ginger at the back with the banner please." you said to the mic.

The boy squeeled in delight and threw his banner somewhere before running down to you. Your arms opened for an embrace which he immediately jumped into.

"What's your name?" you put the mic to his mouth as you both carefully went down the stairs and back to the stage.

"Sam, I'm Sam! My name is Sam!" his rather high pitched voice said.

"Okay, Sam. I know you're Bill's fan so I'm gonna have to steal you, that okay?"

"Hey, no fair!" Bill patted the boy's head and shot a smile at him.

This moment for him is definitely a core memory and will brag about it to every living human he sees.

"Now, who wants to go first in the tank?" Hanna asked.

"I'll do it" Bill says excitingly.

They agreed and the staff helped him get up. Once he were seated and adjusted in the circular surface; he challenge you.

"Ask a good one!"

"Ohohoo, we definitely will!" you smirked.

You turn to Sam and ask him without the mics near your faces; "What're you gonna ask your idol?"

"Oh uhmm, I don't really know." he says bashfully.

"Maybe his most embarrassing moment?"

"That'll work, definitely." you smile supportively and fist bumped him.

"Bill, you read?!" Hanna exclaimed.

"Born ready!!"

"Alright Sam, ask away!"

"What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you?" Sam asked with twinkles in his eyes.

"Oh, definitely when me and ____ weren't dating yet; she threw a sleepover party and she invited me and my mates, and there were three bathrooms, right? The three were being used and in one of those bathrooms it was Tom using it, and I had to rush him because I really needed to take a shit, like I couldn't hold it any farther!

So he went out really pissed and I pushed him off the door and quickly shut it and went right into business."

Bill paused and tried to compose himself as the crowd started to get louder.

"And when I washed and pushed the flush button - It wouldn't flush! So I got really scared because I just shit in my crush's toilet and I can't let anyone know that I'm the one who did it. So i looked around and saw a pack of pads so I took one of them; and forced myself to dip my hand down to grab it and I almost puked!

I look around and see there's no trash bin. So I panic again, and eventually decided I'll just rush down to throw it in the garbage in her garage. I quickly make a run for it and almost bumped into ___"

He now covered his hands in shame and embarrassment. "And she saw the pad in my hand! So she asked me like, 'Is that a pad?' and I'm like yes and so she asks whose it is...... and I said it's mine....."

You know of this story long ago; and it just gets better and better whenever you think or hear of it.

The audience and interviewer roared with laughter; as well as the staff behind and securities who tried to contain their smiles.

"I wish I never asked!" Sam wiped his tears from laughing too hard.

"Get down here Bill! That was too much!" Hanna's cheeks started to hurt, "Sorry to the viewers who are eating."

Bill went down immediately and squeezed the living life out of you. He does this whenever he's feeling embarrassed or nervous, and calls it his "Physical Support" from you.

"You should've let yourself get thrown in the water!" you giggled and hugged him back before he pulled away with a red face.

"Next goes ____!"

Once you were seated and made yourself comfortable on the seat; you tell them you're ready.

It was Pauline's turn to question whatever she wishes. "____, what do you think of your fans?"

She asks sincerely; she must've noticed something by the way you're like to your fan base and to Bill's. A part of you wished she hadn't asked but you've been dying to let the creepers out there know that whatever they'd been doing to you for a long long time - greatly affects you, especially as a young stat growing up in this sort of industry.

You rarely held any meet and greet, rarely had photos with fans where you look actually comfortable and where they weren't touching your waist or hips or near your ass - and ones where you do look comfortable it was mostly with girls or kids, which was not as often as when you do with the rest; who are pedophiles and creepy boys.

Of course you've always been nice when interacting with them; you didn't want to be rude and only wanted to be kind.

Definitely, there were times when you couldn't take it and couldn't do anything about it - other than cry and complain in your lover's arms.

You're forever thankful to have someone like him; he'd always listen to whatever you say and support everything you do.

Not realising; you zoned out quite a bit and snapped out of it when Bill called out your name with worry that he's trying to mask from everyone.

"Oh-, well, obviously I love them so much, if it weren't for them I wouldn't have succeed this much - of course the people who helped me get up in this industry as well.

I truly do appreciate their love and support, seriously. But quite the number of them are uh, how do I say this." you nervously chuckled as everyone listened intently to the tea you're telling.

"Crossing my boundaries? Yes, uh- that." you say not quite satisfied with the word you chose. It was evident that it's worse than just that but the safest.

"We all know people would cross it by taking unsolicited pictures of you, that's given because you're a celebrity, but are there some other ways they would? If you don't mind me asking of course." Hanna carefully asked.

You smiled softly, "Well a few have stalked me to my house - which I dunno how the hell they did so and took pictures of me and they'd send it to me and tell me how they thought of me. Some leave love letters, flowers, food in front of my gate, sent death threats to my exes when I was dating them and even now to my Bill." you left the worse parts out since you didn't want half of the world to be talking about your most private part of life. What you're even telling them now is a whole lot.

"Wow.. we all knew your fan base could get a bit crazy judging from all the videos we see and the news, but not by this much!" Hanna says empathetically.

"It happens, I guess." you try to laugh it off. However, Bill looked at your hues with his that sent the message of "Are you okay?"

In which yours replied with "I'm not okay."

✮✮✮

The game went on a for it was Pauline's turn to the dunk tank, then Sam's.

You continued your cheery self through the whole taping and told yourself you'll regret what you said later in your dressing room. Bill kept his distance close to you and would caress your hand or shoulder as a sign of support - as well as slipping a "How're you holding up?" every now and then.

If there were billions of ways to show gratitude to this man; you'd do every single one of it to him.

After the agonizing show was over; you and Bill kissed Hanna's cheeks as a goodbye and thank you. To which she said back to you both as well and wished to see you soon.

As you made your way to the dressing room in silence with your fingers intertwined with Bill's; you abruptly stop in your tracks.

"I almost forgot I have to sign a magazine for Pauline!"

Your lover looked confused for a second "What? Why?"

"I kinda promised Pauline I'll just sign a magazine for her brother because she asked me to shout him out while taping." you let a small huff and loosened your grip on your boyfriend's slender hand. "How about I'll see you later in the van? You can wait for me there instead if I haven't been back by five minutes."

Bill smiled, "Of course sweetheart, I'll see you later. Love you." he pecked your lips and lovingly looked into your eyes for a moment before heading to his dressing room.

Quickly; you asked a staff to bring Pauline to your dressing room to give her an autograph - to which they agreed to. Thankfully.

While they did that, you strided to your room and grabbed your magazine and marker - which immediately after doing so, a knock was heard on your door.

You hand held the paper as the other gripped the violet ink marker. When you did, you were greeted by a Pauline smiling widely with a camera on her right hand.

"Hi!" she says excitingly.

You greet back and quickly hugged her, "I see you have a camera with you."

"Oh, yes, uhm.. I was wondering if i can take a video of you signing an autograph? So my brother would believe me that it really is from you." she nervously giggled. "I might or might now have pranked him once by giving him a fake autograph."

"Yeah, sure. What's your brother's name?" you say softly.

"It's Percy." she answers as she readies her camera.

"Alright, is it rolling?" you ask with a smile on your face. Pauline says yes with a grateful smile; grateful for being how considerate and kind you are.

"Hi Paul! So I heard from your sister that you're a fan? Too bad you didn't come with her." you looked behind the camera to Pauline.

"And I heard she gave you a fake autograph of mine? Well now, you're getting a real one, and this is the proof." you say still giggling as you signed the magazine.

"There, and keep the pen. I gotta go now, bye and love you!" you say as you waved goodbye and gave your iconic kiss blow alongside a wink.

Once Pauline returned the camera back to her bag; she immediately thanked you.

"I'm serious - thank you thank you sooo much! And uh.. I'm really sorry if what I asked earlier was too personal. I really am. I was just curious and didn't thoroughly before it slipped my mouth." she noticed the change of the atmosphere long ago. Even if she's just fifteen, she knew how to read the room well.

"Aw, sweetie.. it's nothing." you pat her shoulder, "It's fine I tell ya, also I better get going - you should too, it'll get dark in just two hours. Bye bye and stay safe!" you wave goodbye as she still exclaimed thank you's as she walked backwards towards the exit.

(that footage is definitely gonna go viral after many years)

In a light speed; you gathered your essential belongings and had your personal assistant help you carry your other belongings to the van; to which Bill noticed through the windows that you're carrying back pack and a purse and immediately helped you despite having it under perfect control.

He opened the door for you and let you in first before him and closed the door. Your personal assistant sat in the passenger seat next to the driver, while you and your beloved were at the very back despite the space up front.

You rested your head on his shoulder and he put his above yours while he held your hand with both of his; tracing every outline, massaging it, and kissing it once in a while.

"R'you okay now?" Bill mumbled and kissed your head.

"Yes, hon. I'm great actually.. thanks so much for being there, I love you so much." you turn your head to face his and pecked his lips.

"I love you more than you'll ever know, I'm glad you're okay." he smiled genuinely and kissed you deep and passionate.

You returned to your head's original position and fell to sleep; not caring if tomorrow, you'll be the town's talk.

[ceasarslegion]

All the people clowning on that post are ridiculous.

You are not wrong. You are absolutely correct. Living with actual health hazards (there is rotting food on the floor and mildewing clothes) is very different than "I have a mountain of clean clothes that aren't put away cause my depression has been really bad the last few weeks so my room is messy or I can't sit on the left side of the couch". If you can go to work then you can take a day or a half-day off once a month and clean up after yourself for the betterment of yourself and your symptoms. Part of getting better and improving your situation and health (both physical and mental) is doing the work (which YES is hard) to actually care for your body and lived environment.

We talk about other people enabling us to continue bad habits and harmful behaviors but we don't talk enough about the things we do to ourselves. Which are just as if not MORE important. So thank you for saying that! It matters and people need to hear uncomfortable truths!

And anyone who read that post and took personal issue with it because they actually live like that and it made them immensely uncomfortable because of their own shame around it which you literally (and I can't stress this enough) have nothing to do with needs to reevaluate their situation and accept that they can't live without a caretaker because they're at a point in their life where they can't adequately meet their own basic needs. If someone can't legally do it to a child (providing only unclean clothing, biohazard-filled living space, spoiled food, unclean dishes to eat it with, etc.) without it being abused/neglect, then they are not meeting their own needs and I understand that it might hurt to hear that, but it's the truth and it's a disservice to everyone to not say it. If people aren't saying it, then no one knows where the line is that says "if you cross this you need help and you need it NOW".

So, thank you for making that post even though people are losing their minds over it. I'm sure it's hard to hear that you're not doing a good enough job, but sometimes that needs to be said and, yes, they might not be doing a good enough job BECAUSE of a disability or other issues but that changes literally nothing. It's still not good enough and it can be improved only by them intentionally trying to improve it. Dancing around stuff like this and trying to say nothing that will upset/bother/hurt anyone is genuinely a disservice.

10/10 post. Hope you're getting reasonable breaks from the ridiculousness that everyone is throwing at you ❤️ sorry everyone is taking it in SUCH bad faith

^^^ thank you for being the first person who knows how to read

It's. Frustrating. It's so frustrating how absolutely no one wants to take responsibility for themselves the moment it gets hard. The moment it gets uncomfortable they shut down and scream that you're being ableist for asking an adult to take responsibility for themselves even if they have a mental illness.

The thing is, life IS harder when you have a disability, mental or otherwise. But guess what? That is never going to change. The world will not stop for you just because it's unfair. There is no point in kicking your feet and pouting that it's unfair that you have to do more work than that neurotypical person to keep yourself clean and healthy because nobody did that TO you, it just is. And like, life is unfair to everybody. That is the one universal thing we all experience. Sorry I guess?

I also just like, can not stand how people flip their absolute shit the moment I stop talking to them like little kids. I didn't baby them or coo and go "uwu it's okay if you have mold in your house!" so they immediately took me saying "youre an adult, you need to act like one. Idgaf if you're depressed there are still responsibilities you have towards yourself now" as me denying their mental illness and on par with "have you tried not being sad?"

And like dude, if you can't even handle that from some guy online, I shudder to think of how developmentally behind they are from no ones fault but their own. They talk about mental illness like it makes them forever children unable to ever take any responsibility for themselves, and anyone who points out that no, you're still an adult whether you're sick or not and adulthood comes with certain responsibilities as an attack against them. So they attack back even though nobody swung at them, or even said anything they accused me of saying or implying.

And it's infuriating to those of us who actually made the effort. It's infuriating as someone who fought through all the bs that mental illness comes with in order to get better. It doesn't mean I don't struggle, or that I'm somehow cured, and I never once said that cleaning your room would cure your depression btw, but there is a fine line between struggling with your symptoms and letting them win.

And im so fucking sick of anti-recovery rhetoric. How often do you see someone get dog piled with "WHY ARE YOU CLASSIST YOU SHITTY WEALTH HOARDER YOU SAID THAT MEDICATION AND THERAPY HELPS BUT IM POOR YOU THINK IM A BAD PERSON FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO AFFORD IT"

[super-unpredictable98]

The Eighth Child (~TUA AU~) - Season 4

Chapter 2: The Prodigal Daughter Returns

Warning: Strong language, mention of death and mental illness, talk of addiction.

(The Eighth Child Masterlist)

A few days passed and they all forgot about Jennifer and the dry cleaner. Viktor decided to stay a few days to make up to Grace for missing her birthday, and Klaus was trying to be more romantic than usual.

"Was that good?" He asked, lying next to His wife.

"Yeah... yeah of course," Victoria nodded.

"You don't have to lie."

"It was okay. You're too soft."

"I can't be rough, you're pregnant!"

She turned her back to him and looked at the jar of marigold on her nightstand.

"I'm sorry," he said with eyes full of tears. "I don't know what to do anymore to save us. I don't know how to be different from what I am now."

"I know," she murmured. "You know how Dad took our powers and all? Because we kept ending the world, but that was because some of our powers were destructive. Allison can start and end wars and she's not mentally stable, Ben can commit a massacre without breaking a sweat, Five can mess with the timeline... but we're not destructive. You just become immortal and see a few ghosts. Alright you can conjure them and stuff, but you won't need to."

"Are you suggesting I drink this shit?"

"That would make you feel safer and nobody would have to know... then you could go back to being the man I love."

"What do you mean? You don't love me anymore?"

"How can I love someone who carries a gas mask to go places?" She snapped. "Who won't eat a runny egg yolk! Who needs to bathe in alcohol before getting in bed? Who won't buy used books because someone might have left fluids on them that could give you a disease? I can't stand your restrictions anymore and you're making our daughter into a fucking wimp like you! You're boring and your new haircut sucks! You getting sober was the worst thing that ever happened to me!"

A silence took over the room and he started crying, scared to wake up their daughter with all the screaming.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean it," Victoria quickly tried to take it back, but words are like bullets. They can't be unshot.

"Three years... you wanna throw three years down the drain because that's what you want, right?" Klaus sobbed. "You love our little parasitic relationship, the eternal screwup and his holy savior! I'm your charity case, I've always been and you feel so superior because you can smoke a joint once in a while, have a few drinks and you're fine! You can go back to being normal Victoria, but I have a disease! Once I start, I can't stop!"

"I know... I didn't mean to-"

"Every time I'd relapse back in the day, you got a glint in your eye! Oh, I get to save him again!"

"That's not true! You know damn well how hard I tried to keep you sober! I said it without thinking!"

"No, don't take it back. Dysfunction is what we do best in this family so how could we ever raise our children in a happy home? You need to traumatize them like Dad did you us! Because you think it made you tough, it made you interesting, it built character. Newsflash, sweetheart! You're just broken and full of Daddy issues!"

"How can you say that?" She started crying as well. They had not fought this badly since she left him to work in California.

"You're selfish and a big baby! You leave me when things get too hard or too boring, you did it when we were 25 and you're doing it now! I'm so done living cowering in your little bubble of superiority!"

"I took care of you your whole life! I made sure you didn't get in trouble, I made sure you were fed and healthy and safe! I was your shield for 30-something years! You know I'd take a bullet for you even now that I'm no longer indestructible! You think it was easy? You think I like picking your sorry ass off the floor when you hit rock bottom?"

"Bottom? Moi? There's no bottom here, missy, no bottom at all. I'm the goddamn Mariana Trench! Just wait till you see!"

"You're threatening me now? Give me a fucking break, I wanted to help you, you coward! So scared of a little itty bitty ghosts that you need to pop every pill on the planet. Your power is a gift!"

"You wouldn't survive a day with my power! So easy for you... I don't feel pain, nothing hurts me!"

"I'd thrive with your power, you're just too weak and cowardly to deal with it how it's supposed to be!"

"Thank you... you know truly thank you. Finally a grain of honesty. Feels refreshing! You wanted the old Klaus? You got him!" He reached for the jar of marigold but she took it from him.

"I'll put this away, nothing good is gonna come from taking this shit..." Victoria got up and grabbed a box from the top shelf to leave the jar in, but she found something that caught her eye. A card.

"Give it to me! You want me to so bad to be your pet junkie again!"

"No! I'll give it back to whoever gave it to us!"

"You'll return it to the man in the dry cleaner?"

"No, someone else... look after Fortune, I'll be back."

**

Victoria headed to the Hargreeves mansion, she had not been there in years. Not ever since she tried to get the location of their birth mothers, but Reginald knew nothing of it.

The guards were more than eager to let her in, they treated her like she was actually part of the family.

When she walked into the mansion, she heard the sweet sound of a violin being played by a beautiful lady who looked almost angelic.

"Abigail."

"Hello, Victoria," she smiled, putting down the violin. "Long time no see! What brings you here today? I see you're glowing, when can we expect the second little one?"

"You forgot your jar of marigold," Vicky leaned against the wall in front of her.

"I'm sorry? I think you're mistaken."

"No, I'm not, step-mama. You know, I can't read minds anymore, but I'm not stupid. That whole Sy Grossman story was mighty suspicious. So I turned to the note you gave us to send the location of Viktor. Where had I seen that handwriting before? Oh yeah! The card you sent to us the day my daughter was born. I had to check it to make sure, and there it was... your handwriting. Now would you tell me why you gave us a jar of this stuff?"

"I synthesized marigold back in my world, but when I created this new element, another one was accidentally produced as a byproduct... Durango."

"Durango."

"Yes, and it's inside of Jennifer."

"Jennifer... as in Jennifer who got my brother killed?"

"I do not know about that... but when marigold and durango interact, there's a dangerous physical reaction."

"Makes sense. He touched Jennifer and started getting this weird rash, then his tentacles were out of control, and he ended up killing himself and the girl... but wait, you gave us Marigold and sent us to look for durango? Do you wanna fucking kill us?" Victoria grabbed Abigail by the collar.

"What is the meaning of this?" Reginald came into the room with a scowl. "Unhand my wife right now!"

"Your wife tried to end the world! I have a child and I'm expecting another! I have a nephew and nieces, how could you do this?"

"I never asked to be brought back!" Abigail finally said. "Reginald brought me back to life and I didn't ask for it! He unleashed this danger into your world after it destroyed ours, I just wanted to cleanse it."

"Very well, it's cleansed," Victoria opened the jar and tossed it in the fireplace. "Now don't you ever come near me or my family, with or without powers, I will end your sorry ass with my bare hands."

"There's no need for this sort of-" Reginald placed himself between them.

"Don't you miss being so strong?" Abigail held up a vial of marigold. "Nothing could hurt you, you knew what everyone was thinking and even controlled it, you controlled what they felt... wasn't it great?"

"I'm great without my powers, I'm a mother and a wife, a business owner... that's all I wanna be," Victoria sneered.

"What about your husband? Don't you miss him? Don't you miss the devil-may-care Klaus? Who jumped in front of cars and spent all night partying? The man you fell in love with is gone."

"Shut up..."

"This is the very last of the marigold in the world. Enough for two people... maybe three, if you want to make your daughter special as well. Protect her from the world."

Victoria sniffled and grabbed the vial, she looked at it and for a moment all the memories from her youth came rushing back.

She remembered crazy nights with Klaus, dance lessons, their mother's shoes, their college days, his face while getting his palms tattooed, the amazing girls she met in Vietnam, her life in the 60s, the cult, his proposal, their wedding, falling out of her window when he tickled her... and it was the concrete that shattered.

"It was the concrete that shattered," Victoria mumbled, opening the vial.

"All you have to do is to look for Jennifer," Abigail murmured.

"Will it hurt us?"

"You won't feel a thing. You and your family will be protected. You won't face the same ending as your brother."

"There's another thing I'm good at besides recognizing handwritings..." Vicky swallowed. "Recognizing liars."

She tossed the glowing liquid into the fire once again and turned her back to leave.

"Victoria!" Abigail called.

"Enjoy the rest of your life in our world and don't you dare create more of this shit. I'll come kill you myself."

**

Meanwhile, back at home, Klaus was pacing around the room. He kept replaying and replaying all the moments from the fight in his mind and it hurt more and more each time he remembered.

That familiar need started taking over and he knew he was about to relapse. He took the phone and called Claire, asking her to come over and pick up Fortune because he had to take care of an emergency.

After that, he started going through the house grabbing everything valuable he could get his hands on. First his own wedding ring, Vicky's collectible Disney music boxes, her jewelry, the Rolex she got him for their anniversary, and finally their daughter's piggy bank.

He smashed Fortune's porcelain pig on the floor and grabbed all the money inside before pulling their flat screen off the wall in the living room.

"Daddy?" Fortune stood behind him. "Why did you break the piggy bank? I'm saving for a Barbie Dream House!"

"Tunnie baby!" He tried to smile. "You're here! Claire is coming to pick you up so you can play at Aunt Alli's house."

"What are you doing, Dada?" She frowned, noticing something was clearly weird.

"You know this TV has been on the fritz for a while. Haven't you noticed, baby girl? I just thought I'd take her down to the old geek lab, let them work their magic."

"It's not broken, Dada. You're weird, I'm scared... where's Mommy?"

Fortune tried to come closer, but Klaus held his hand up.

"No no no! Your feet, sweetheart, you'll hurt your feet with the shards. Watch your feet, sweetheart!" He cried, covering his mouth in panic. "The piggy was an accident, Tunnie, I'll pay you back."

"I don't care about the money, Dada, I want you to be okay," the little girl looked down, tears running down her face. "I know something's wrong, please tell me so we can talk and make it better."

"I'll talk to you, Tunnie, I will. But Daddy has had a horrible day and he just can't... just can't have this conversation right now. I'm sorry."

"Claire said you were sick. That you needed help to stay healthy, are you not feeling well again? I can help you! I'll call 911, please stay with me!"

"It's too late, baby, I'm sorry. You stay put and wait for your cousin, okay? You need to stay on the couch waiting for her and when mommy comes back, she'll pick you up."

"No, Daddy! Don't go! You're sick, you need a doctor!" Fortune tried to stop him from going to the door.

"No, Tunnie, Daddy's gonna leave now just for a little bit."

"Please stay! It's dark and I'm scared!"

"I gotta go-"

"But Daddy...!"

"WILL YOU PLEASE JUST FUCKING MOVE?" He yelled. "NOW DO WHAT YOUR FATHER SAYS AND DON'T TALK BACK, FORTUNE BENNIE HARGREEVES!"

The little girl was stunned into silence and her little pout quickly turned into panic as she started crying harder. She watched her father leave and sat on the floor sobbing quietly.

Not once had he ever raised his voice at his daughter, she was an easy girl and never got in trouble. She never needed to be punished or grounded, he always considered himself lucky... but now Klaus feared he was turning into what he hated most: his father.

*

"Hello," Victoria picked up the phone as she drove back home.

"Vicky, we need to get together right now," Five said. "Bring Klaus."

"I don't know where he is, he left Fortune at Allison's and disappeared with our TV and my jewelry. I'm looking for him right now."

"Shit... we need you! I think we have some more insight on the whole Jennifer situation."

"So do I, wait until I tell you who planted the marigold in that box and sent us after durango."

"What? What are you talking about? Ben is here! We're all at the old Academy."

"I know, he's an asshole. Big news..."

"No, not Sparrow Ben, our Ben."

"What?" She nearly crashed the car when she made a turn to head to the Academy. "How?"

"He found this sort of subway where the train takes you to different timelines, there's a crack in time and space which made several portals around the world to this station. The timelines are bleeding into each other."

"Please don't say another apocalypse is coming, I can't cope," she huffed.

"No, I mean, not if we find out how this is all connected. It's supposed to be one timeline, The Keepers, that group Sy mentioned... Lila and I have been infiltrated there for months and they know we're in the wrong timeline."

"Well fuck, that means the cleanse is a little more drastic than I thought."

"How do you know about the cleanse?"

"Abigail told me, it's a whole chemical thing with Jennifer. I'll explain better once I'm there."

"Jennifer? Oh, that makes sense why Dad is trying to keep her away from society."

"He is?"

"Jean and Gene, the leaders of that group I told you about were just murdered along with a bunch of their followers when they tried to kidnap Jennifer from the make-believe town where she lives. Everyone in the town is a Hargreeves soldier."

"Alright, I'm so confused. The Klaus hunt will have to wait, I'll be there in five... Five."

Tag List: @jozstankovich @firstpersonnarrator @salvador-daley

[vickyvicarious]

(In order to not derail op's thread, and jic they've not finished reading the books, hope this is ok) The madness/mental illness discussion between Laura and Jonathan made me think about the in-between of Jonathan leaving the hospital and then being validated!

One thing is, pre-Hawkins death, Mina states to Lucy that Jonathan has been working hard, but that he is weak still and placid, and also that he has nightmares. It tells on them both, because Mina cannot get a full night's sleep due to him waking up screaming and she needs to soothe him. Journal aside, Mina says she is so worried about his nerves that she doesn't communicate with him about how tired she is herself. It reminds me of Walter wanting to protect Laura from distress.

Post-Hawkins death, Jonathan gets worse. "He says the amount of responsibility which it puts upon him makes him nervous. He begins to doubt himself. I try to cheer him up, and my belief in him helps him to have a belief in himself. But it is here that the grave shock that he experienced tells upon him the most. Oh, it is too hard that a sweet, simple, noble, strong nature such as his—a nature which enabled him by our dear, good friend’s aid to rise from clerk to master in a few years—should be so injured that the very essence of its strength is gone."

Not a very traditionally ''manful'' picture, but Mina never goes there. Still, he throws himself into work. Mina says her belief in him helps Jonathan believe in himself. Maybe Laura would have benefited from being believed in.

What prompts Walter to do something drastic is when Laura weeps in her sleep. What prompts Mina to break the seal later is when Jonathan faints in public and loses the memory of it.

The way Mina treats Lucy and Jonathan in illness seems equal. She keeps their secrets upon their request too. Walter and Mina take similar active roles for their spouses, though Mina isn't necessarily masculine for it.

An interesting imho comparison could also be when Mina chooses to consult Van Helsing while Jonathan is away for his first work trip and how they communicate throughout it, and Walter with the sisters.

Aside, when she asks Van Helsing to help Jonathan, he says, "I promise you that I will gladly do all for him that I can—all to make his life strong and manly, and your life a happy one." Van Helsing promises to make his life manly, though Mina had asked to make him "well again". So he kind of made it about gender, though it wasn't for Mina.

(I also wonder if we can call Jonathan ''cured'' really, as he doesn't actually return to his former self, but it'd get too long!)

(Tagging @animate-mush because the WIW substack has ended now, hopefully you're all caught up... but regardless no spoilers past where we were last week.)

Anon, you sum up my thoughts incredibly well: "Maybe Laura would have benefited from being believed in."

I think that is perhaps the most major difference between the recovery period for the two of them. Because while they both have remarkably similar symptoms, and both their spouses hide stuff from them for a while... when things come to a head Mina chooses to believe in Jonathan. Not just in supporting him as he goes back to work (which you're right, he has little choice about doing - an external gendered element there, where societal pressures/norms mean Jonathan kind of has to get to work and Laura is never expected to at all); Mina trusts Jonathan with information, with an important role in what follows.

There's obvious contextual differences. Jonathan knew he could access his lost memories and explicitly didn't want to unless it was necessary. He put the power to decide that in Mina's hands (and it was his request but still her choice to share in his ignorance until she needed more information). When she reads his journal, she's trying to better help him within parameters they have both agreed to. When she eventually tells him everything is true, she's trusting that this will be validating for him and help him heal, help him be more "well again" (though you're right both that he never returns to his former self, and that Van Helsing is the only one who brings gender into it with his assumption that Mina's looking to make Jonathan more manly).

Laura never had an equivalent - both in terms of a discussion with the ones leaving her out for the sake of her mental health, and in the sense of some record she knows she can fall back on. She didn't have a hidden journal when she was being drugged or in the asylum. Most of the information Walter and Marian gather is from other people.

I think there is a period where both Jonathan and Laura have information hidden from them for their own sake. And I don't think that was inherently wrong or anything; in fact I think it was somewhat needed. Jonathan got the chance to explicitly ask for that period of ignorance. We don't quite have any such dialogue from Laura, but the narration still tells us that there were certain topics that were very confusing to her or which she didn't like to linger on (and her experience with Mr. Fairlie even after getting out of the asylum can't have helped), and there's that scene where she says she will "try to get better", showing recognition of how unwell she currently is. I think they both need this time to focus on recovering, and their spouses/loved ones want to support them so they can do so. Again, the societal gender role divides them here: Jonathan has to work and in fact has to take on new/more challenging work, while Laura doesn't and can devote more time to rest and recovery. There's benefits and drawbacks to both of those, in my mind. Jonathan got support from Mina and reassurance that she (and Mr. Hawkins) believed in him, which was helpful. On the other hand, it stressed him out more and he was still suffering from his nightmares, etc. Laura got more time to take it easy without having other stress added on, which was helpful. But on the other hand, she didn't get the same level of trust and belief in her ability to, if not 'return to normal,' at least to be productive and helpful in some way.

Yeah, I'm talking about her drawings. I think that is where the big divide comes. Because when she wants to contribute and help with the household, Walter decides to lie to her and play-act that she is bringing in money. I get that he's trying to avoid letting her stress over money, but it feels so condescending. He's treating her like a child rather than being honest with her - right after she asks him not to treat her like a child. Maybe being honest would just be telling her that she's not well enough to work/that it wouldn't be safe, and that he has the money handled. Maybe they'd come up with some other way she could chip in. At least she'd be involved in the discussion as she clearly wanted to be. And while I don't think she would be involved in the hunting down different accounts or confrontations that follow at the end of the book any more than Marian was, I think they should have told her what was going on. That doesn't necessarily mean giving her all the nitty gritties especially if they're triggering to her; but giving her the chance to speak for herself, to add her thoughts, even to ask to be left out if she thinks she can't handle it. She never gets that. There's no reevaluation later on.

Both Jonathan and Laura were denied validation in a way that made them doubt their sanity. Jonathan's experiences were supernatural and he fears he lost his mind. Laura was lied to and gaslit about her own identity, outright told she was suffering from delusions. Revealing that the supernatural things he remember are real was validating for Jonathan in itself, even as he still had all the accompanying trauma. Laura's (official/public) validation isn't possible until after the villains are defeated and everything is over, which in a sense stretches out that middle period. Similarly, Jonathan getting the information leads right into him getting a change to assuage his feelings of guilt and seek revenge, which could be cathartic for him. Laura probably wouldn't have the same opportunities or even desire to do so, and so maybe looping her in wouldn't have been as helpful. But it feels cruel to me never to give her the option. After a certain point, it's no longer just trying to spare her from distress, but it feels like believing she isn't capable of handling any at all.

I guess that's what feels most gendered to me. Walter, and to an extent Marian too, don't treat Laura like an adult or an equal after her experience. This does happen throughout the book, but it gets so much more egregious after she's rescued from the asylum. Marian talks about women/is kind of treated like an exception to women in general, and Walter is leaving both women out in key moments. So given how women were typically seen as less capable, to me it feels somewhat bound up in that rather than just being about her specifically (I think she handles/is capable of a lot more than she's given credit for). Mina doesn't do really that, she doesn't really bring gender into her treatment of either Jonathan or Lucy in the same way. And while others in Dracula do, it's shown to be more of a mistake.

[evesaintyves]

989 words, for @remadoramicrofics prompt "haunted."

Read it below or on AO3 🎸

Tonks's old bedroom floor is a mess of rumpled t-shirts and her rattiest underpants. Five days since Remus took off his ring, knotted the strings on his traveling case, and told her he'd made a terrible error. All she's done is sleep. She dozed off on the macrame throw pillow and it left a crisscross red rash on her cheek, went downstairs before she noticed, and her Dad gasped, "Dora?" 

She just fled back upstairs without breakfast.

It's not even her throw pillow. Mum has snuck them in her old room sometime since she's been gone. Other things, too, an elegant white bowl to hold all the knuts and plastic hair clips and ticket stubs that were scattered across her chest of drawers. Mum's things, minimal and clean, make Tonks's stuff, the fairy lights and the thrashing band posters, seem like they're trying too hard. It's just like her last year at school, the stress-cracking of all the faultlines between who she is and who she is supposed to be. She was constantly reinventing herself back then—a new chin, a chelsea cut, a ring in her eyebrow. But she's not the only one in charge of her body anymore. It's making decisions without her.

And it's so shit to want Remus here to settle behind her on her squeaky old bed, tuck his bony knees into the parenthesis of her legs, stroke his skinny fingers up her arm and say, like he does, that he's sorry—but at the same time to want to scream at him so hard he vapourizes into a fine red mist.

In the afternoon, her mother does her two-tap no-time-to-pull-your-knickers-up knock and comes in with cups of tea.

"Your father tells me you've been looking ill."

"I'm not."

Andromeda sits on the side of the bed.

"You were a terrible pregnancy," she says. "I'd have sworn you were trying to fight me from the inside."

Tonks pulls her knees to her chest. "This one's a scrapper. I can tell already."

Andromeda smiles into her cup.

Tender moments have a way of making Tonks show her belly. Her mother doesn't say much, just sits and keeps her company, and before long Tonks is compelled to overshare. That she isn't even sure Remus ever really loved her, but maybe loved an idea of her that she led him on into believing while they were still just awkwardly clicking teeth in stolen moments at headquarters; an idea worn smooth and shiny by those months they were apart.

Almost as soon as she married him she was up the duff and puking, breaking out in spots faster than she could morph them away. Still having dreams that Sirius was just tilting on his heels—suspended in the moment he might have been saved—waking up choking. Remus seemed perturbed that she could spend hours staring at the telly, not watching, just trying to shush the noise in her head. It seems so stupid now, but she'd really thought that he, of all people, would understand.

"My mother used to tell me," Andromeda says, "that I'd better stop all my moping about, that men don't care for girls who brood. And that I'd never get married and out of her hair, acting that way."

"What did you say?"

"I didn't say anything. I made a plan and then I climbed out my window in the middle of the night. Your father picked me up in his old car and took me to his parents' flat—you know the story. Let me tell you, Nymphadora—" She pins Tonks with a look. "—how much brooding I did in his old bedroom. I was a wreck. The room smelt of some horrible potion he used on his model railway. The carpet crunched underfoot. And I was worried about what was going to happen to—to some of the people I left. I was crying every night. Waiting until your grandparents left for work in the morning to creep into the kitchen like a ghoul. I had..." She pulls her posture up straight. "Difficulty adjusting, at first."

Tonks's throat is getting tight, and tears are needling the rims of her eyes. It's not just that she's grabbed for that kind of love story and missed; it's also that her mother never talks to her like this—spilling the way Tonks sometimes does, talking fast, saying things she probably shouldn't. It makes the world feel all the more unfixably cracked.

"Dad—Was Dad...?" Tonks can't even finish, her voice is cracking and squeaking. She curls forward and hides her face in her mother's sleeve.

"He'd lie with me—and touch my hair. He used to tell me if I didn't eat I'd disappear and it was going to be very difficult to explain to the officiant why he had an invisible bride."

She says it gently, sadly, as if she knows what it'll do to Tonks, and she's right. It's full waterworks now, the type Tonks has always sworn she wasn't going to do over a bloke. It's coming out her eyes and nose, it's thick and salty in her mouth, it's getting all over her mum's silk blouse. She's going to hate that. Tonks flops back against her pillows, sniffling, wiping her face with her palms, automatically morphing the puffiness out of her eyelids.

Her mother turns to inspect the shiny web of snot Tonks has left on her sleeve. Her face gets that pinched, long-suffering look for just an instant. Then she takes Tonks's empty cup of tea and stacks it in her own, and tucks Tonks's feral bedhead back behind each ear with her cool fingers.

"Supper's at seven," she says. "Your father's trying out a lasagna."

She shuts the door behind her when she goes, and it's just Tonks and the frenzy of the rock bands on her walls: forever joyfully flailing, forever faithful to their own silent beat.

image: egon schiele, woman lying on her back

[carmenized-onions]

SIGH you got me good with this one I fear

Okay so the chap is still fresher in my mind this time since I read yesterday!! Itemized yap sheet incoming below based mostly on the order they happened

1) Yoooooo

That just cracked me up okay. Had to add. But also like. I love them. I love that Tony is so nervous to catch up with Richie bc it means talking abt mikey, but also relieved and excited ish to talk to richie bc it means talking abt mikey does that makes ykwim

2) AAAAAAA listen the way that Carmy thinks about Tony to calm down?? Like hes having a panic attack and he thinks about Tony and is calmed slightly by smelling her shampoo in his hair literally makes me ILL

2b) kinda related but also like not ?? But Anyway Like. Carmy like unsure whether or not he is actually scared/believes Richie when he says he could end his relationship with tony got me like on my knees in my workplace when I read that bc UGH he has absolutely zero confidence and i just want to kiss his face okay. Also him not really wanting to share tony with Richie is so real of him actually. Like he wants Tony to just be his and that's so sweet.

3) if we dont find out the chip storyline ill riot if only for Carmy's sake cause like Carm, im also now very intrigued that Richie didn't immediately blab when prompted but also go richie thats very cute

4)AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Scream break mb

5) last one but like the painting??? The way that it starts with the beef and has like pictures of before and stuff and the mid point is mikey and then it has pictures from like the building process and ends with the The Bear sign? IM DECEASED YOU KILLED ME THATS SO GOOD WHAT LITERALLY WHAT

6)okay im i liar whatever could i edit the post yes will i no. I digress. Last one fr. So the way both their lil povs end with them saying on friday they'll do right by each other??? Im so gone actually wtf

Anyways as always i adore you and your writing RAAAA

HEHEHEH GOTCHU!!! GOT YOUR ASS!!!

yoooooooo -- The next convos are really some of my favourite to write, i get to amp up the funny and math out what their texting styles would probably be, it's fun!!

Also yes, it's very much that part of grief where it's like a knife to talk about them, but it's also nice, it's weird when in the grief process, everyone around you acts like that person just simply Never Happened in fear of being triggering-- It's nice for Tony and Richie to get to talk raw!! Even if it's anxiety inducing to lead with it!!

2. Hehehhehe, he does it a LOT, When he called her before, trying and failing to get her voicemail, when he was having an episode in the diner and then Tony came back and he became Normal mostly. Grounding Tool but it's a Person

3. listen baby, I don't put a gun in the first act just to not fire it. I've had this backstory since chapter two. And honestly, I was extremely nervous that someone was gonna guess it and I was being too obvious. Thank God, no one has, yet-- But also no one's guessed, so like, feel free to throw in your guesses, love to hear em.

4. AHHHHHHHH!!!! Here let's see, during this scream break what can I give you...

This is what I'm screaming over, personally. This is Chapter 10 alone, LMAO. AND I'M NOT EVEN DONE LMAOOOO. The goal for me is to get it out this Friday, so it's like, timely and on theme. But we'll see how tired I am, this work week. Might've just gotten a commission (that I honestly don't want to take lmaoo) so we'll see. Fingers crossed. It's definitely gonna need me to take my eyes off it for a day and come back to, so keep your fingers crossed, for me.

5. OH GOOD! I was worried I described it poorly; there's always that fear, when you have to make the thing that's like the thing of the story, and if it's not good then what the FUCK WAS IT FOR!!!!!????

I'm vv happy to hear it killed you, is what I'm trying to say. I also thought the idea was very sweet. Hehhehe

6. You're always free to yap on end, never fear such a thing. Yes!! Their POVs start and end the same way, which is just like, a cute lil touch, yknow. Two anxious mfs. In the club tnnnnn, trying to do right by each other if it fuckin' KILLS them

thank you thank you thank u as always i love to hear this and i hope u enjoy Friday whenever the FUCK it comes out.

[kiwibes]

It is late and im ill at home so hyper specific rant coming up!

Shout out to field archaeologists who measure, those who conquered the gps/rts/total station. You are the backbone that is making it into a science.

I dont know how it is in other parts in the world but here, there is sometimes a stigma that the measuring pal is not doing real archaeology or as heavy a job as other fieldworkers because we are not constantly churning the dirt.

I would also like to scratch in the ground and scream out when I find cool stuff but I have less oprtunity cuz I´m too busy screaming at people to put their finds in bags and write down where it came from. Cuz guess what, your cool complete ceramic vessel? Useless, without its exact provenance. Throw it on the dump if you cant be bothered to care about registration!

´oh no i shant touch the gps, i´ll break it' well you wouldnt if you would take time to learn it. Might also make my job easier if you knew what goes into it all. ´cant you measure any faster?´ no i can measure as fast as technology allows me. Either you wait or you figure out the site without any carthographic data? no? Thought so.

Couple weeks ago a coworker came to me saying ´as the one measuring a site, i feel as the lowest lifeform present on the dig. No one asks if it´s going well or if i need help or how much time i am going to need. They just want everything done at once as fast as possible even though they forget to properly label shit half of time´. And i could relate to that. Since very few people know what you are doing exactly, nobody cares or offers help. They are just digging, throwing open bigger and bigger patches of dirt so they can say they excavated the largest amount of m2. At the end of the day they put away their shovel and expect everyone to do the same but the measurer? Still gotta work cuz you kept going till the last minute and there 10+ m2 left to register and 5 finds have no labels. Can´t leave them here for every passerby to just pick them up. And measure the rest later? What if it rains? What if a treasure hunter shows up digging holes in the night destroying the level with nothing left to register?

Where would you be without accurate measuring and registration? Right, nowhere cuz you would have lost all scientific validation.

So please, shows some appreciation for your local gps-archaeologists. They work just as hard and are just as tired or cold as any other fieldworker. Show some patience if things go not as fast as you´d like and ask if there is anything that might help like changing the excavation partition or asking someone to precheck all finds and features so they don´t lose time, hold an umbrella if it rains on a finnicky touchscreen, etc.

Is there anyone here who can relate? How is it in other parts of the world, im really curious!

[linpunny]

Okay so as promised I'll throw you together a few random Taiju Headcanons my head came up with so it won't be silent hehe 🫶

Taiju has to bleach/dye his hair to get his signature look and one time he accidentally grabbed your dye, walking around half pink and he absolutely hated it but when it faded enough to dye over it he was kinda upset because he always got reminded of you when he saw his hair

HATES it when someone touches his hair but you can do everything with it. wanna make funny updos? He'll sit still for you. Braid it? You got it. Curl it? No problem.

Also his tattoos. He's such a sucker to have you trace them or pepper kisses along them especially the text above his hipbone

Talking hip bones. your man is SO defined and could melt when you take your time admiring him, fingers tracing his V-line only for you to add little purple marks to his hipbones

He could burst from the anticipation because you're so close to his length and it's so god damn intimate to him when you kiss him so close but not quite

That's a moment where you see that he's putty in your hands, eyes fluttering shut, head tilted back ever so slightly and his big hands cradling your head or his fingers running through your hair

He won't ever push your head onto him unless you explicitly tell him that he can do that. He might not look like it but it's a consent king.

Your body language is second nature to him as well. He reads you so well and if anything looks off he immediately stops everything he's doing to ask if you're okay / if you need anything

He would let you put a collar onto him if you ask nicely- only if you'll wear one too for him at some point

He actually has a ring with your name engraved on it. It's not a wedding ring or anything but he wears rings often and that one he rarely takes off, only if he really has to

We all know his favorite position is the mating press because you just look so fucking small beneath him and the way your belly bulges from him makes him lose his mind

Fucks his seed into you just so you're nice and stuffed but god he wants to have a child with you so badly

Dad!Taiju who's the biggest softie for his little bundle of joy, letting them sleep on his chest at all times and he almost cries when the tiny hand can't even hold onto his finger properly

He kinda hoped he would have a boy first and then a girl so he could raise his son to protect his younger sister but he would be overjoyed no matter the gender

Because the fact that this is a product of his love for you. The child has your eyes and he swore he couldn't love anyone more than you but then that little bundle of joy entered his life

Spoils them rotten just like you! Would do the dumbest things no questions asked. Wears a tutu and attends little tea parties if asked and ready bedtime stories every night, giving every character a different voice and he really does a great job at being a father

— Rhy 🫶

I frew upped

BAJAKAKAKSKKSKSKSKS

Please please I’m dying I’m crying im screaming and creaming, chasing my tail scratching at the walls, chugging his cum—- and and he I the stuffs me so well so I feel full 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 keeps me warm and cozy with yummy cummy ANJAISKSKSKSKS

COLLAR?! I mean I uh I have a really nice leash and collar obviously but but HIM IN A COLLAR??? I’ll break my fooking hands beating the table right now KAKAKAKAKSKSNNSNS restraining his hands too while I ride him? HELLO the 14% switch in me is clawing at my chest cavity trying to emerge REEEEEEE

The ring he has a ring with my name on it oh my god I’ll cry shut upppppppoo please 😭😭😭 that’s so sweet I love him I’d get one with his name too maybe those ones that leave an imprint/ skin tattoo when you wear them. 😩

Matching mating press always always 🥺 soul mates. Constantly thumbs over the bulge he’s making, loves feeling how deep he is just as much as he loves to see it.

I WORSHIP THIS MAN. HE IS MY GOD ILL RUN MY TONGUE ALONG EVERY SINGLE TATTOO ON HIS BODY. trace em with my lips, nibble, mark , cum on em. Just wait hold on tracing over his v-line fuccccck me. Mmmm I’m so unwell. I just wanna kiss all over his well cut torso, his abs, his hips, that slight happy trail he his—— im gunna be sick

I can’t, consent king 🙇‍♀️ and couple that with how observant his of me. I give him complete consent, absolute territory of my body. But just imagine him looking down at you and he sees that twinkle in your eyes, the way there half lidded, heavy with lust. Before you can even nod HE KNOWS and he’s gently pushing your head down so your lips are level with his dick 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 loves when you trace over that thick bulging vein, makes him groan 😩

That’s so intimate just worshipping him, god I’d do it all night, every second of the day let him feel like the god he absolutely is to me

[cogaytes]

Roisin's Reading Rumble Week #2

i made a playlist for wylie! am bullet pointing a lot of it and not elaborating as much as i'd like on some stuff; chronic illness + adhd are kicking my ass rn but i still want to at least try to participate so!

@camelspit @arson-anarchy-death

welly boots by the amazing devil

represents prentice and wylie's relationship

the song is from the point of view of a father who has passed on, acknowledging the pain he has caused his child and promising that he's always with them

wylie has struggled since prentice's break, so it would make sense for prentice to express similar sentiments to his son

wylie is often bitter in the early books, calling to mind the lyrics "And when you scream that it's not fair" and "And when you scream "I'm not alright"/And throw my picture at the wall/"You were supposed to be my light/And keep me safe against them all/How could you leave me here?" you'll scream."

wylie's bitterness lies both with the organization/situation that prentice was in and also with his father himself for making that choice that caused him so much pain.

these lyrics about the father not being able to reach/visibly be present for the son evoke prentice's lack of consciousness when he was broken, even when he was awake: "It's like I've gone off to the coast/Left you behind just standing there/Pretending not to see your ghost/If only you could hear my voice"

2. hey jude by the beatles

represents tiergan and wylie's relationship

on the surface level, tiergan's canonical affinity for the beatles makes this particularly fitting

hey jude was written by paul mccartney for john lennon's young son to help him cope with the changes in his family when lennon was getting divorced (tiergan being a close friend of prentice parallels the lennon-mccartney relationship very nicely in that regard)

the song encourages the young boy (in this case wylie) to remember that things will get better even though things are hard with his family right now

this feels like a song tiergan would sing to wylie after taking him in, reminding him that he was safe and that despite cyrah's death, prentice would be whole again and not all hope was lost

the chorus, in particular, conveys this: "And anytime you feel the pain, hey, Jude, refrain/Don't carry the world upon your shoulders/For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool/By making his world a little colder"

this especially calls to mind a moment where wylie tells sophie that tiergan always insisted that he talked about his feelings, because bottling them up would do him no good

the song also references a "her" multiple times: "remember to let her into your heart"

rather than lennon's new girlfriend, in this parallel i would have this "her" represent sophie--tiergan asking wylie to be understanding and not blame sophie for prentice's break, which he clearly does in the beginning before moving on as sophie makes amends

3. 1994 by cavetown

this represents wylie's general arc over the story, his sense of growing up, and also how his attitude towards sophie changes

the song originally talks about missing the past when everything was simpler, and hating on a child (who represents the singer's younger child self)

however, these lyrics could be read as referring to someone else, in this case sophie

the singer talks about missing "mom and dad in love like it's 1994"; in the original, this line refers to robbie's parents' divorce, but it could also be taken as missing when his family was whole (i.e. wylie's family when cyrah was alive and prenticve wasn't broken"

particularly, the last verse is also poignant: "I felt so much older than the kids 'round the corner/But I feel so much younger now/Overtook them all and slowed back down/Blamed a child in a daisy crown"

wylie is older than most of team valiant, but still a kid; it would make sense for him to struggle with this the way the singer does

blaming a "child in a daisy crown" could be read as how wylie blamed sophie for prentice's break

4. the light behind your eyes by my chemical romance

song anticipates the singer's death/absence and encourages the young person being addressed

represents prentice and wylie's relationship

5. arms by the paper kites

song shares singer's heartache yet determination to comfort the people being addressed

represents wylie's adoptive father expressing his determination to take care of wylie despite grieving for cyrah and prentice himself

6. marjorie by taylor swift

song is about loss and the little details one forgets after it's too late

wylie lost his father young; likely has few memories of him and cyrah which means he lost a lot of important details about them

7. laughter lines by bastille

song about seeing someone again despite knowing that they will part and change in the meantime

another song that represents prentice speaking to his son and their relationship

8. little lion man by mumford & sons

song about someone wrongly receiving the blame for/consequences of another person's actions

could be read as prentice acknowledging how wylie suffered for his decision, or wylie acknowledging how he wrongly blamed sophie for prentice's break

9. on the train ride home by the paper kites

song expressing the singer's desire for a family that will never break/fall apart

wylie's lost both parents and moved in with tiergan; a desire for a stable family to lean on is very fitting

10. small hands by radical face

song about how the singer will support the person they're addressing through whatever, even if they make mistakes and take things out on the person, because they can always "come build your home in me"

represents the commitment tiergan made to supporting wylie no matter what, knowing he was hurting and that he may lash out/be difficult and resolving to love him anyway

[ask-teamplayer]

Other than Ronin who already answered this, what’s everyone’s favorite subject?

FATE: You're looking at mostly ELA kids, here. Me, Enzo, Seth, Cora, Vera- I think I can speak for all of those assholes, but yeah. We were always the best in English. Though Cora also really likes history. You can probably tell.

SETH: i mean im not really all that interested in anything!! i like cooking and playing keyboard, i get options for stuff like that in the future but right now its just,,, eh?

SETH: but if it were anything i guess it would be english! i dont get the kids who hate reading books to be honest, i actually like reading classics! gotta broaden my mind :B

ENZO: pretty on the mark yeah but i used to prefer gym for a while cause like physical dude

ENZO: but i dont think my actual swordfighting skills account for anything when im playing volleyball with annoying mean girls who keep giggling instead of playing the game

ENZO: or when i get hit in the face with a rubber ball which has actually happened a LOT

ENZO: to be honest i think im the only kid that hasnt died during the mile except nahla cause former track kid

SETH: I HATE THE MILE.

FATE: Can't imagine how the mile would be with people with boobs. I am so sorry. I'm lucky I didn't evolve.

FATE: It is horrible though. It should be considered actual torture - dammit, I know excessive amounts of cardio isn't actually healthy for kids who don't do it all the time! I don't want to break my muscles.

FATE: I'm not looking forward to gym next semester.

LILY: i loooove biology! math and ela, too, but bio is my favorite

LILY: or general science! i love taking care of plants, i actually have like fourty at home! they all have names!

LILY: like why do you think i evolved into a leafeon? honestly i think growing plants in third grade awoke something in me.

LILY: its really fun, but i do have trouble focusing on stuff sometimes. im kinda daydreamy hehe. i really need to get my grades up :( maybe ill see if i can join one of vera and fates study sessions. working next to other people i actually like and commentating in a funny way helps me do it faster.

FATE: You're always welcome. I wouldn't invite someone like Darin or Nahla, but I know you're actually smart and like working and aren't going to piss me off.

DARIN: i hate school :(((

DARIN: i dont like anything :((

DARIN: maybe i should get into sports thatd get me into college no problem itd be so much fuckin easier than this

CORA: You do have it in you, Darin. I believe there's untapped potential in academics.

CORA: I've seen the way you talk about anime and shows you like. There's an actual brain up there, as much as you work to prove otherwise. I'm very proud.

DARIN: AY WHAT THE FUCK CHIEF

NAHLA: WOOOOW, You're allll nerds, huh?

NAHLA: Yeah, I'm in the camp with the traitor, sorry! I don't really like anything, but gym's cool! I like track and stuff, and I do like hitting annoying girls in the face with balls! Coolkid's just a coward and cant bring himself to hurt anyone. Pffft.

NAHLA: No worry! I'll do all the hitting for you guys. Someone has to!

CORA: Oh, Nahla, baby dear, may you hit Wade first? He's been getting on my nerves in second period lately...

NAHLA: Anything for you, honey sugar sweetie baby crystal dreamy dear! <3

NAHLA: Regardless of our totally real romance I just need an excuse to punch him anyway. Or throw balls at him in general.

ENZO: BALLS you say

RONIN: okay posts over before enzo makes another dick joke and cora and nahla start gay fucking on the table. im a little oversensitive right now, fate screaming is just going to make me kill someone. maybe in like an hour guys, wrap it up.

VERA: I also take a lot of art classes

VERA: I would like to get better at traditional because I would like have to have less reliance on stabilizer use

VERA: And doing things like ceramics is fun

RONIN: see? when i need someone to be normal on a stupidly derailed ask, i ALWAYS know youve got me.

RONIN: thanks, v.

VERA: The sentiment is appreciated but when have I not "got you" in your words

RONIN: never, v. never.

[eggs-can-draw]

komaeda anon: OKAY BEAR WITH ME ON THIS its gonna be a long one bc i just have. So Many thoughts of this but it might go all over the place

tw for the general topics relating to kork, incest, child abuse, hallucinations

for one. for one. None of the Tulpa shit. none of that, it's too closely tied or related to DID that we don't want the representation, not like this. instead, it really is a hallucination of a man whose only meaningful relationship and crutch got taken from and broke so he just started believing his sister is with him

TWO. 👏 Korekiyo 👏 was 👏 fucking 👏 manipulated 👏

his backstory just SCREAMS of isolation, being guilt tripped into sticking close out of filial obligation, that spiraled into something disgusting.

his sister right? hospitalized? no friends? idk what her deal is really, idc but she kept kork close, made him a uniform tailored to him (dressing him up the way she likes) and kork is therefore feeling indebted to his older sister for all that she's done for him, even supporting him in his passion for anthropology

he was most likely gaslit, in denial over what's happening, because that's his sister and kork was probably avoided too for his mannerisms so he himself didnt have someone he can trust to tell him something was wrong.

its those kinds of they care for each other but even then, sometimes even if you care about them, that doesn't mean they're good for you, sort of way?

THREE. i dont think kork became a serial killer out of choice but more of, the seed was planted into his head. his sister probably talked about wanting to be with other pretty girls, wishing so much for it, probably even mentioning violence considering it was clear she's staying there long term

kork, whose getting into anthropology, shared it with his sister and somehow, they ended up reaching the topic of diff culture's afterlife, just a few flippant comics of, "ah, if there was an afterlife, maybe ill have friends there."

and it just. bloomed, along with the hallucination that kork forms because he's alone now, traveling alone, always staying too short to make any deep connections that he inevitably breaks because of lack of support system.

FOUR. the incest thing, yeah i scrapped that whole thing, kork loved his sister but not in that way, i like to think he meant he loved his sister as in to the point where he'd kill for her, something society wouldn't agree with but not bc their relationship was like that OTL i dont know, it just felt like, an added point to make it more horrifying? it doesn't add much to the story so i won't be putting it in mine

Thanks dude, you really fixed just about everything they did wrong while still keeping the parts that dont make me want to throw my laptop into the ocean (as for my au, I'm just saying that all of the sister and incest stuff was fabricated memories added to keep the game more interesting)

[paigelts05]

Execution of a plan [FNAF AU]

https://www.deviantart.com/paigelts05/art/Execution-of-a-plan-FNAF-AU-893023558

Published: Sep 26, 2021

Renegade File Server Location: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23858029

Contains a plot that revolves around mind control and other scary things. After waiting for so long, Adelaide is finally able to execute her plan, taking over Steve's body and setting the stage for a process that some may call a ritual so that she may collect remnant in order to being herself back in someone else's body. I had so many ideas as to what I wanted the artwork for this story to be, but I decided to draw it from Mark Cho's perspective, as it required the least amount of background work because I am bad at thinking of backgrounds. I also got to do some funky stuff that made it look like the POV character could see veins in thier eyes: you know the trope and so do I, and I just think it's neat. =°•.🌹 Story 🌹.•°= °*°•°*°•°*°•°*°•°*°•°*°•🌹•°*°•°*°•°*°•°*°•°*°•°*° It almost felt like a dream for Steven Wilson; he was in his own body, but he couldn't control what was going on. Adelaide was using him as a temporary vessel and was passing for a normal - albeit tired - version of himself quite well, or at least well enough to make it to work without suspicion. Daniel Rocha felt nervous. He knew something wasn't right. Anna was not here, and Mark Cho looked like he was about to puke. It was only them in the break room, and none of thier colleagues were anywhere to be found. "I can't take it anymore. Where's Raha and Anna? They're usually here by now." Mark said, keeping his bucket that usually housed his mop in his lap just in case he did throw up. "Um..." Dan checked his phone. He had a text from Raha. "She had to take her mum's car to get MOT'd. She should be here soon." "And Anna?" Mark replied, still just as anxious as before. "I -" in this moment, Dan felt that he needed a bucket too, "I don't know. When I clocked in, I saw that she didn't clock out yesterday. We were all so tired I think I fell asleep well before she'd usually leave. I should have stayed awake to call her to make sure she was ok." Dan saw that Mark's skin somehow looked paler than his own, the tension of the situation made them both nauseousness, as Mark clutched his bucket, feeling more and more ill by the second, his nerves more than getting the better of him. Dan felt the same way, but he also felt that he would never be able to forgive himself if anything bad had happened after everyone left last night. They both knew something was wrong, but didn't know what to do about it. "And where's Steve? He's usually exactly on time, but he's running late. Is he sick? Dead?" Mark was getting more and more anxious, his head feeling more and more fuzzy the more he tried to figure out what was happening. "He clocked out last night, but he was the last to leave other than Anna. Do you think he actually left?" Dan felt like he had connected the dots a little too late. "Do you think..." Mark replied. His voice was shaky. He seemed like he was about to be sick. Before Dan could reply, someone else entered the break room. The best that Dan and Mark could do was act like nothing was wrong. "Hey Steve!" Dan said, his nerves clearly showing through, "When did you get here?" Steven Wilson didn't respond as he sat down next to Mark, effectively blocking him in. He simply dropped his duffel bag on the floor and pulled out a black and white rabbit mask: the same one that Mark found himself wearing way too often. Almost on instinct, Dan shot up and tried to pull Steve away as Mark screamed for help, but Steve didn't budge as he forced the mask onto Mark's face. Mark's screaming became muffled, but when Steve seemed happy with how the mask fit onto Marks face, the screaming stopped. Mark's body went limp in his seat. Steve tinkered with something on the side of the mask. Dan then begun to scream as he kept trying to drag Steven away from his friend, but all his efforts were for naught; Steve - more precisely the thing in control of Steve's body - wouldn't budge in response to Dan's attempts. Once Steve was done tinkering with the mask, he pushed Dan out the way with a crack, sending him flying and crashing to the ground. The force of the shove had not only winded him, but he felt like something had broken, and as he tried to clamber to his feet, Steve placed a foot on the back of his neck. "What did you do to him?" Dan shouted as he tried to free himself, only for Steve's foot to push him back to the ground. "The same as last time, and the time before," a voice that was definitely not Steve's but that of a woman came out of Steve's mouth, "And I'd recommend you stop struggling. Snapping your neck here and now isn't exactly part of my plan, but I'm no stranger to alterations." 'Same as last time?' Dan thought to himself, remembering exactly what happened last time. That must mean that ... The screaming, the pain. This has all happened to Mark before, and when he started moving again, he would be on that woman's side. He wanted to fight back, but he knew he was outnumbered and would be swiftly killed if he tried. "You... Monster." 'Steve's' face crept into a smirk, "I know," the woman's voice said, "But I'll be human again soon enough. Once I cause you enough pain, I should be able to use the remnant you produce to assume a human form. Now we just need to get you somewhere more soundproof and ensure that you won't escape." The weight on Dan's neck shifted as 'Steve' grabbed something out of the duffle bag before clamping something around his ankles so heavy and so cold that even though his jeans, he felt like he was going to freeze. "That should weigh you down and stop you from running away," the woman's voice came out of Steve's mouth once again, "And this-" Dan shrieked as 'Steve' grabbed his ponytail and pulled him up so that he was kneeling instead of being curled over in a heap. He tried to struggle to make 'Steve' let go, but the more Dan struggled, the more 'Steve' pulled, so Dan knew he had to give up. As he stopped struggling, the grip on his hair eased and he could look around the room, but he was only interested in knowing one thing. He could now see Mark: the mask was stuck to his face by seemingly nothing and he sat limp in his chair until he slowly got up, in a fashion similar to a puppet, and begun walking over to Dan. Mark picked up a section of the chain and shackles. He seemed to be untwisting them and laying them out to the sides so that 'Steve' could keep him restrained in the meantime. After the chains were laid out on the floor, he felt something click around his neck. It was heavy and cold, just like the shackles around his ankles. "Should hold it all together once we're done," the woman's voice continued, "and one final step." Mark grabbed one of his wrists and 'Steve' grabbed another. Moments later, cold and heavy shackles were locked around his wrists, and the chains were behind him. "There we go." 'Steve' finally let go of Dan's hair. Dan tried to get up, but the chains were too heavy. Having to curl back over so the shackle around his neck didn't suffocate him, he only realised this minute how much he was crying by the small pool of water on the floor. "Now, let's go somewhere safer for me," 'Steve' said, the woman's voice again spilling out instead of his. He and Mark grabbed Dan and pulled the terrified and restrained blond to his feet. Dan could bearly stand, let alone move, but that didn't matter to the creature that had taken control of Steve's body. She used Steve and Mark to drag Dan towards the basement door. Thier grip was too tight for Dan to struggle free, and even if he managed, he doubted he'd be able to get far. Once 'Steve' opened the basement door, Dan knew this was the point of no return. A wave of fear washed over him and he made one last ditch attempt to struggle free. But it was no use. 'Steve' didn't even seem to realise that Dan had attempted to struggle, but the grip around his arms tightened. Without a care for Dan's body, 'Steve' and the mind controled Mark dragged Dan down the basement stairs. Dan tried to make sure his feet were on the ground, but the two moved too fast, and his shackled ankles kept hitting the steps. Once at the bottom of the stairs, he saw that the basement had been heavily modified. It was no longer the animatronic storage room he knew. It had been transformed into something that resembled a church for a cult, with the room only dimly lit by candles, and an altar near the back. There was a woman behind the altar. Dan knew who this was. "Anna!" Dan yelled as he saw Anna Qwemto standing behind the make-shift altar. He hoped that she was ok. He hoped that she still had control over her body. She didn't respond. Dan then noticed the mask on her face and the dress she was wearing. A white bunny mask decorated with intricate gold patterns, and the dress reminded him of something, or more specifically someone. One of the women on the founders page of Fazbear Entertainment's website was wearing a similar dress. It was the ginger one, which must have been Adelaide. Adelaide had dressed Anna up as herself, but why? "You seem confused," the woman's voice came out of Steve's body again, "are you an idiot?" Dan didn't respond, but Adelaide didn't seem to be looking for an answer, as she continued talking far sooner than expected. "I have her under my control. Note the mask. Or did I somehow blind you back there." Adelaide continued to use Steve's body to speak, "I have calculated what would cause you the most distress so that I can extract the most remnant from you." Dan remembered something that Ness had warned them about regarding remnant: it was basically liquid ghost. Handling it was dangerous, and to produce it in vast quantities would require someone to die; the more painful and traumatic the better. Whilst remnant could be produced from a living host, the torment and trauma required was incredibly great to produce a worthwhile amount. Both options were bad for Dan. He begun to try and figure out what's going to happen to him, and now he knew he was crying. "Save your pain for when we kill you. You will die slowly at the hands of your friends, whose bodies are under my control, and I will turn the remnant you produce into blank remnant and use it to permanently inhabit Anna's body, and hopefully get rid of her too." Adelaide said again, now appearing above Steve like a puppeteer above a puppet. She seemed so confident in her plan, and the only reason she'd speak of it to her victim would be to instill more fear. And it was working. Dan was a shaking mess on the ground, trying to crawl away but ultimately being held in the basement by the heavy shackles. Adelaide could sense the distress of those she was controling as well - they were as much her victims and remnant sources as Dan was, but having that come as a surprise would be far more interesting to her. "I will finish the preparations," Adelaide gestured to the makeshift altar, "so untill that's ready, you will have to wait." Still shaking and sobbing, Dan couldn't react as Adelaide used Mark to drag him into a large crate. The lid had been re-attached to the crate by a hinge, and he could only watch as it was closed, and the click of what he presumed was some kind of lock sealed him in the dark. Minutes felt like hours, but the longer Dan waited, the more he realised there was one slim ray of hope: Raha had taken her mum's car to get MOT'd, so she hadn't been controlled or kidnaped. As of this morning, Raha was herself, and he hadn't seen her in the building yet, so she likely was either not here or on her way here. Raha was the only one left. He hoped that she'd get here soon. He hoped she would be able to put together the peices of this macarbe puzzle and figure out what's going on faster than he did. °*°•°*°•°*°•°*°•°*°•°*°•🌹•°*°•°*°•°*°•°*°•°*°•°*°

[dianight]

The frustration of walking around for 4+ hours, then having to wait for 2, then having to walk more, then having to deal with windows 10 bullshit, using anything without unchecking every single "can we spy on you" "can we show you a million adds" is so cancerous it made me physically ill (nevermind the hours out on the heat) almost losing most shit I use and being saved by some random old discord log (thank you, paranoia). All the shit I did lose, files that I've kept for more than a decade, notes I was still using after all this time, the guy at the shop that was like "we could send it for recovery..." but he knows I'm going to say no because that's like 500-600€ and the value is mostly sentimental. What's the point of a backup if it also FAILS!? The only thing I have left is an 8gb pendrive with some of them, they are not even updated... About to throw up when I can't log into my gmail and about to lose years of work, all my saved stuff and access to THIS ACCOUNT TOO. Going into an old email to log onto a throwaway one to log onto discord of all thing and checking the old server that I made to play dnd with my friends and later had to delete since we stopped playing and had a falling out with a few of them and there they are! random messages with letters and numbers and hoping and hoping and tearing up and please let one of these work and then it did! after it asked me password, phone number and a code send to the email I WAS TRYING TO ACCESS! And from there I get most of my accounts back but still dealing with windows 10 shit and having to get all my extensions back and then randomly remember I was watching Ranger Reject and after was planning on watching Girls Band Cry and also the Precure episode that I cannot remember because I use firefox to keep track and everything looks so different now and it makes me feel old as fuck because you know what? I'm actually terrible with technology but I had to do some major surgery on my pc (did I mention it's hot as fuck) sweating and trying to not break anything because if my gpu dies this pc is unsalvagable and I'll have to get some 2080 if I'm really lucky for a few hundred and maybe a new case because gpus are so big now it probably doesn't fit on this one and I want to break shit I'm so frustrated and stressed and I want to scream but I can't and you know what? this whole time I kept it together and when I was doing a mental check of everything I lost I got sad but what can you do and I had a bookmark with a lot of manga titles and it was 200+ of them many bad ones but you know how it is and I was crying because of it because it's just too unfair I was careful and the backup failed too so that's years of effort gone for no reason. My fucking spreadsheet to keep track of hrt too that actually helped because counting pills I realized when I missed one and then it was fixed because despite a million things going wrong I try to keep track of things and keep them organized but then it doesn't matter because I get double and triple and quadruple fucked at once and what do you do then. what.

[bandaidcrybaby]

Hi! I don't use this blog!

In fact, it took me 20 minutes to even figure out how to log in! I only remembered it's existance because some bot sent me an ask and it pinged the email I have to use for medical stuff- but i'll give the like. 6 people here, plus anyone who's scrolling through the blog for archival reasons, a quick update on myself and my life, because boy! was i wrong! and being told incorrect information!

So a lot of posts on here are tagged schizophrenia - a diagnosis that several of my doctors very well believed I had. Turns out, if you have been severely and repetitively traumatized for most of your childhood, your brain kinda. puts up walls and is functionally completely disconnected. and when you're a teenager and your brain is supposed to be growing neural connections between itself as it takes on its final leg of the growing journey, if there's Walls in the Way, it results in a degree of weird faux-hallucinations and outrageously unreal beliefs, the latter mostly from you trying to come to a rational conclusion for why you get told weird uncomfortable stories about yourself and are wildly unsure what the fuck they did to you in the hospital to fuck your memory like this. And the answer is nothing, you were in there for 3 days and just cried the whole time, the reason youre missing three weeks is, well. because you have DID. And apparently my therapist had been suspecting this since I was referred to him in the first place, since I was way too lucid and with it to actually be schizophrenic, but my former psych is also his bestie and had told him straight up "oh yeah, I know they were a conflict of interest, but. Its not every day you hear about the kinds of things this kid goes through, find out theyre true, but they only remember some of them at wildly different times, and then get to see DID form before your very eyes." and so on 2/22/22 I was handed my official paperwork because my team was like "i think we need to address some things." and uh. Yeah it came like a wet fish to the face. Turns out Antipsychs were causing half my balance and mood problems AND didnt get rid of the hallucinations because oops, thats not how that kind of 'hallucinating' works! that's the rest of your brain screaming for help! I don't really. publically say much about the kinds of problems my other parts cause for me. its not anyone elses business! you don't need to know! because all of me is Winnie! Regardless of how I choose to spell that or shorten it at any given time! (which is also not a parts thing, thats just a 'my name is hardly as important to me over who i am as a person' thing.) and yeah, I do have to own up to Dumb Shit(tm) the my other parts do regardless of the fact of if I remember doing it or not, because at the end of the day, I, as a singular human being, still did that thing!! I've kinda had to learn what's wrong and right, appropriate and innapropriate, and attone for such. People get very upset with me for referring to my parts as just that-parts. Lots of folk think that I should be calling them "alters", but that simply doesnt fit, for me. It makes the parts of me that are very clearly broken feel more separate, more defined-- which is the exact opposite of what I want. I WANT to be NORMAL. This disease is life ruining. I'm spending most of my adult life being up the shattered pottery that is my childhood- I don't want to be defined as pieces of a broken vase. I am defined as the Vase itself, wether or not you like the kintsugi is a You Problem. this is not your illness; (nor your version of the illness, if you, too, have it, as no two 'vases' break the same.) I personally refuse to not acknowledge the whole vase on any person who does have it. you dont throw away any pieces. that's not how this works. your arent 4 separate people jsut because you dont want to be associated with yourself. you break and mend and break and mend and cry and scream and accept and forgive and hurt and forgive again and become whole. To do anything else rejects your function as exactly what you are- perfectly human, an animal with neatly clipped claws and blunt teeth and marked skin and stands upright on its hind legs, defined only by its ability to create a taxonic system that cleanly defines it and then outwardly reject that very same label.

tumblr has a character limit, part 2 soon.