#i was horrified but I also felt so sad and when he just broke I was in shock

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

the sunshine court notes

first things first riko needed to be brutally beaten to death, a shot was too quick

renee talked like a fortune cookie and it was pissing me off

i wish we got more of Wymack and Jean, it was very nice of him to get on the plane with Jean

jean immediately getting annoyed with basic life is really funny

jean is also really sassy and hilarious

also something weird happened in jeremeys house

my personally theory is that he had a sibling who died and his family thinks its his fault

like maybe an accident or maybe the sibling overheard something that they weren't supposed to and his sibling had to die as a result

whatever happened the butler knows about it and is trying to protect him

and whatever happened had to be bad because the act of dying his hair had his family ban him from the dinner table

neil believing his relationship with andrew as a strength his really good for his character, considering his mom was so keen on him not forming any connections

the fact that jean actually considered reaching out to his sister, only for him to learn that she was dead breaks me every time

and neil using her to force him into a belief that he doesn't deserve to belong to anyone but himself was a necessary cruelty.

i also like that Jeremey was the one who telling him about Rikos death was good

jean has no agency in the entire 1st act of the book, he is taken from the nest and basically held captive, then he is forced to go to the sunshine court, which he doesn't like but has to

the foxes all hide info from jean for his own good

and jeremey being the one to tell him is nice because jeremey is his first taste of freedom

jean talking about his abuse in such a casual manner is horrifying bc he thinks its so normal and its horrifying

" i didn't ask" broke me in so many ways because Jean doesn't particularly trust jeremey at the time, nor did it slip out while he was angry, he just said it so casually like it was normal

At first i felt bad for Lucas, but not so much anymore.

he was a sympathetic character who was trying to straddle a thin line of having faith in his captain and who he belives is a violent stranger and his brother who is not the same boy he know

but bringing Greyson to jean was soo fucking stupid it pisses me off

and the fact that jean wasn't even really fighting back, just trying to protect himself is upsetting

also the imagery of him punching the keypad over and over again just trying to get out is gutting

jean isn't a dog who bites, he's a dog who puts his foot to the fire because he believes that he is supposed to do

the water scene was sad as well because he was trying so hard to behave but physically could not

also Jeremey and really most people on the team meet his violence with unflinching kindness is really sweet

i also appreciate how jeremey doesn't force jean to talk about his trauma or even takes the notes from him, jean has had little to no control in his life since he was 15 and forcing him to talk about it when he wasn't ready would have made it worse

and jean asking jeremey to pretend was sweet and what was even sweeter when he did

jean learning to cook is nice as well because he needs life skills

theory for book 2: jeremey buys jean his freedom and jean becomes an exy coach ( more of a pipe dream i guess)

i also think Greyson will kill lucas

jeremeys saving grace being the thought of his sister deserving better is horrifying

i wish we got more of his relationship with Zane

neil is a real one because Jean compared Greyson to drake once, and Neil took care of it for him

jean being afraid of sleeping alone is so sad because he's basically been trained to sleep next to someone

and the fact that he has nighmares, but they are hardly mentioned, and jeremey is the one to bring it up is so sad

also kevin should have tried harder to reach out to jean

jean pushed away the foxes because he knew they would eventually leave him too

jean being steadfast in the idea that if he plays a good game he will have momentary peace is heartbreaking

jean holding onto his talent despite people thinking he slept his way to the top is also upsetting

i hope we get a zane and jean reunion bc i think they truly cared for each other

maybe kevin sends jean a postcard and a magnet and they can reconnect

also him realizing his very limited possesions have been destroyed made me almost cry

and the magnet scene with jeremey is very sad, but him realizing the magnets are broken make him realize that he is

kevin and jean still both being afraid of riko is telling bc riko is dead

let me know what yall thought... always willing to talk about all for the game.

[theriverdraws]

I know some of you might have other favorite characters in UT/DR, and that's completely fair, I myself didn't have a favorite for a long time since I loved them all.

..But can we all agree that Asriel/Flowey is the best character Toby has ever written until now?

Just everything about his tragic story and development, how in genocide we can see explained how he changed so much from a sweet little boy who just wanted to save everyone and who loved his family, to a sadistic, apathetic, and manipulative flower.

That, and the hints that Flowey is still Asriel no matter how hard he tries to deny it. He's done so many awful things, and has gone through so much and in the end he's just a scared, panicked, sad child who doesn't want to be alone.

I couldn't explain it too well I think, there are just so many things to love about him.

It's all just so, so good.

[arashrita]

HC: Telling him that you hate him during an argument + Aftermath

Why did it come down to this? One moment you two were having a good time and the next moment it turned into a heated argument. 

"I hate you so much!"

Now, you can't do anything after those horrible words left your mouth as he stared at you with a heartbroken look on his face.

Housewardens

Riddle: He knew this will happen one day. After all he has done...it was bound to happen right? He has hurt you multiple times, so, it's only fair that you don't love him anymore. He knows. But... why does it hurt so much then...? Why does it feel like someone is stabbing him in the heart again and again? Why...? are his eyes burning...?

You regretted it instantly the moment those words left your mouth. Your heart ached as tears filled his eyes. You wanted to comfort him so much. But, you also knew he needs his space. So, you look away and walk out of his room immediately.

Leona: First he felt anger and it turned into deep, raw sadness. He was used to people hating on him, but you? He stumbled back as your words sank in. He knows he deserved it. He wasn't someone lovable. He just wasn't expecting you to say those words so early, yeah, that's all.

"...Get out."

You did get out. As much as you wanted to comfort your adorable lion, you know your words cut through him deeply. He needs time to calm down and you need to get rid of your negative feelings. You will make it up to him, dosen't matter whatever it takes. For now, you will leave him to collect his thoughts.

Azul:  All of the negative thoughts in the world were crowding inside of Azul's head as those words left your mouth. To be honest, he expected that. But (Y/N) you pulled him up from that dark pit, then why did you drop him in it again...? He was ugly and a stupid crybaby and he didn't deserve you. He always knew that. Even now he couldn't do anything as his composure crumbled and he sobbed silently.

Oh... Azul... your sweet boy... How could you say something like that to him?! Shame and Guilt were all you could feel as you ran out of his room. You will have to apologize to him. Just... not now, when the both of you are filled with pessimistic thoughts. You just hoped that he will forgive you...

Kalim:  Tears immediately spilled out from his eyes as you said those words. He already heard Jamil say those words once. But you? If Jamil's words broke his heart then your words shattered it into pieces and kept shattering until there was nothing left. He will still try to scoop you up in his arms as you move put of his reach, hurting him more in the process.

You moved out of his reach not because you hated him, but because you were horrified to see the damage you've caused. You bolt out of his room as his sobs got louder. Shit... (Y/N), you messed up real bad.

Vil:  You hated him? You? His sweet potato? He felt thousands of knives stabbed him at once as the words left your mouth. He was silent as he tried to process the situation. You didn't mean that, did you? Then... why are you looking at him with those hateful eyes...? Those eyes... who used to have so much love in them for him... are the same eyes that can pull off such a look...?

You couldn't look at Vil anymore. Just what have you done? You wanted the ground to swallow you whole as you ran out of his room. You will have to apologize to Vil. He didn't deserve to hear those vicious false words...

Idia:  "Leave" 

You oblige without another word. His reaction was something you deserved. How could you say those horrible words to him? You felt like a monster.

Once you left, Idia's cold demeanor shattered as he collapsed on the floor with hot tears running down his face like a waterfall. Your love was the only thing he had. It urged him to move forward. You were his light...and now? his light flickered out and left him to drown in the darkness that mocked him for his foolishness.

Malleus:  The fae prince was speechless. You could physically hear his heart shattering. Where did he go wrong...? Just what did he do so wrong for you to stomp on his heart like this...? So, do you also see him as a monster now? He thought you could never hurt him. But look at you now. You managed to hurt him in the worst way possible as his eyes turned into a pathetic pool of tears.

Hurting Malleus was the last thing you wanted to do. How could you say such a vile thing to him, out of all people? Your sweet, loving dragon who never left your side. Who went through so much because of you, who always respected you, always stood up for you, always...loved you... Your heart broke with his as you stumbled out of his room and ran back to your dorm.

AFTERMATH

Riddle:  You saw him 3 days ago. You stopped visiting Heartslabyul and in school he avoids like the plague. Even Ace and Deuce were worried. They told you that Riddle isn't himself and that you should probably talk to him.

So, you did. You went to Heartslabyul after school. Riddle didn't answer when you knocked on his door. You turned the doorknob... and it was open? What the heck? Riddle isn't one to be careless with that. But, then you say him. He was lying on the floor, half conscious while he clutched onto something desperately. It... was a photo. A photo you took with him on your first date.

"Riddle!!" 

You quickly kneeled down beside him to see what's going on. He had a high fever. Foolish boy... Did he really have to overwork himself to the extent where he gets himself sick?! He probably wasn't taking care of himself. How come you didn't notice before?!

"(Y-Y/N)? w-what are you—

"Riddle... I'm so so sorry. I swear I didn't mean anything I said! I was so stupid... I-I can never hate you!"

You managed to pull him up from the floor and drop him in his bed instead.

He smiled sadly as you sat down beside him. 

"It's okay (Y/N), you don't have to stay—

"No, Riddle, I love you. Without you I just won't belong. You will always be the love of my life, Riddle Rosehearts!"

"...I love you too (Y/N), my dear rose."

He pulled you closer to him as you promised yourself to never hurt him like that again. You will pull him back to his feet in no time!

Leona: You didn't have the courage to face Leona after what you did. The two of you successfully managed to avoid each other the whole week. 

"(Y/N), I really think you should make up with Leona now. He is in a foul mood since forever."

Ruggie told you one day during lunch.

"I know... I just... don't know how to face him after messing up so bad."

You sighed.

"Well, it's your mess, so, clean it up yourself. He is really hurting you know. Apologize before he starts doubting your love for him."

Yeah, that was the nudge you needed. Ruggie successfully managed to shove you towards the right path. That's why you found yourself inside of Leona's room after school. Ruggie, who was cleaning up, gave you a pointed look and left the room.

You could say Leona wasn't sleeping. He was just lying in his bed with his eyes closed. It was also easy to tell that he was upset because of the way his ears were drooped and his tail was tucked between his legs.

"Leona..."

He didn't move. He didn't open his eyes either.

"Go away, (Y/N)."

That's when you knew you messed up real bad. Leona never calls you (Y/N), not even during arguments .

"Leona, please..."

"Why? Why are you here? Don't you hate me?"

"Leona...! No, I swear! I can never hate you! I'm so sorry that I threw such vile words at you which had no truth in them! I-I never meant to say that... You are my world, Leona, how can I ever hate someone like you? I love you so much. I love you and only you, Leona Kingscholar."

He cracked one eye open.

"Come here."

Once you approached him, he pulled you in the bed. Leona wrapped his arms around you. He was afraid that it he dosen't hold you then you will disappear.

"...Don't leave herbivore. You are the only thing I have. I love you too. 

Azul:  Four days. Four agonizing days without Azul by your side. Without your favourite octo-mer by your side everything felt so colourless. Yet, you just couldn't bring yourself up to face him and apologize. The tweels were also pretty upset with you for hurting Azul like that, specially Floyd. Jade, in some way was understanding.

"Prefect, I think it's time you make up with Azul, you know."

Jade told you one day when you were heading to your first class.

"I know Jade... I just... you know...I don't dare go up to him after what I did."

You looked down.

"Don't be like that. You know how he is. In fact, he can't focus on anything after your argument with him. Don't let him go back to his self-destructing ways. He needs you the most right now."

"...Thanks, Jade."

Jade was right. You love him and it's time you actually show him how much. However, when you went to Octavinelle after school, you didn't find Azul anywhere. Where did he go? After quite a while of searching you found him alone near the school's botanical garden. You silently walked closer and noticed how his shoulders were shaking. You took a step closer and... you could hear his quiet sobs...

"Azul..."

Your voice was soft but still he flinched. He was ready to run if it wasn't for your hand that touched his shoulder. You hurt him so bad, yet,  your touch was so comforting that he couldn't help but stay rooted in his place. 

"Azul... I'm really sorry..."

His sobs got louder.

"You don't ha-have to be. W-who would love a st-stupid, useless, crybaby o-octopus like me?"

"Azul...! You are neither stupid nor useless. You are one of the most amazing people I ever saw in my life. You are smart and hardworking. You are loving and caring. You make me feel like I belong and I love you so so much Azul Ashengrotto."

He could feel his face getting hotter, not from his endless sobbing but because of your words. Damn you for breaking his heart and then fixing it up this way. Honestly, he couldn't help but throw himself in your arms and whimper.

"I l-love you too angelfish. So, p-please don't leave like that ever again...!"

Kalim: It was the second night after your argument with Kalim. Honestly, you felt horrible. You don't even remember what were you two arguing about. Now, all you want to do is apologize to Kalim. You miss his warm embrace...

There was a knock on your door. You were a bit surprised. Who came to visit you at a time like this? You opened the door hesitantly. To your surprise, it was Jamil. Before you could even say anything he started speaking.

"Kalim is crying uncontrollably since the night before yesterday. He didn't come out of his room and he skipped classes. He isn't eating, refusing to talk to anyone, including me. Prefect, this is serious. Come with me now and fix it."

There was something in Jamil's tone that prevented you from protesting. So, you followed him to the hall of mirrors and then to Scarabia. He left you in front of Kalim's room and walked away without another word. You could hear Kalim's heart breaking sobs and honestly you wanted to crawl in a hole in shame. You knocked on his door.

"Kalim, it's me—

You couldn't even finish your sentence as the door flew open and Kalim literally flung towards you. 

"(Y-Y/N)! I-I'm sorry for whatever I did...! P-please d-don't h-hate me..."

He sobbed on your shoulder.

"Kalim...! Sweetheart, no! I can never hate you! I'm so terribly sorry for being such a bitch. I swear I never meant those words. You mean so much to Kalim! I-I don't even dare to hate you... I love you so much Kalim al-Asim."

"I-I love you too m-my treasure!"

Kalim didn't let you go for that night. The night was spent with words of assurance and a lot of cuddling.

Vil: Two weeks. Two freaking weeks. You didn't want to face Vil, not after what you did. He avoids you like the plague and you are pretty sure this is going to last for another few days.

"Ah mon trickster, what did you do this time? I never saw roi de poison this upset before."

Rook had had enough of Vil's foul mood and your distant behavior. So, he finally decided to approach you.

"We had a nasty argument Rook and uh I said something really vicious and now I don't know how to apologize..."

That was only half of the truth.

"Just be honest with him. Roi de poison dosen't like beating around the bush. So, don't sugarcoat anything and tell him how you genuinely feel. Also, don't let his harsh demeanor fool you. Good luck mon trickster~"

Okay, Rook was probably right. That's why you decided to follow his advice and went in search for the Pomfiore housewarden after school. Vil is a busy person. So, you have to be sincere and quick.

You found him in his room. He looked...defeated. Like, if you looked closer you could see that he was still as vibrant as ever but... something about him just felt off. Rook, who was in his room winked at you and left you with Vil to solve the mess you created.

Vil stared at you. Even his gaze was different. He looked ready to suck up whatever you throw at him and that wasn't the Vil you know.

"What is it prefect?"

"Vil... look, I'm so sorry. I never meant what I said. I can't believe I said that to you, out of all people. I'm so so sorry Vil. I never meant it, I promise. I'm sorry that I didn't reach out to you sooner... I just... couldn't face you after what I did. You mean the world to me. I really love you, so so much Vil Schoenheit."

He seemed a bit taken aback by your words but you would've sworn that you saw a small smile.

"Apology accepted sweet potato. Now, come here. Also... I love you too."

His embrace never felt better.

Idia:  You just couldn't reach Idia no matter how much you tried for the past three days. It's like he disappeared. You still can't believe that you actually told Idia that you hate him. You already know how he is. Good heavens, this is not going to be easy. Idia even banned Ortho from talking with you. (You found out because Ortho decided not to listen to his brother.) Anyways, the point is, you have to apologize to Idia and make it up with him ASAP.

So, you made a plan. You asked Ortho about Idia's schedule and waited outside of Idia's room. You have to talk with him when he is outside of his room and the best way? Exactly, wait for him to finish his classes and catch him when he isn't scooped up in his room.

You did exactly that. Just when you caught a glimpse of him you immediately ran to him.

"Idia!"

Well, it almost gave him a heart attack. For a moment he forgot that he was supposed to be upset with you. But how can he? When you were clinging to him like a koala? Then again this was serious.

"Let go, (Y/N)."

"Idia—

"(Y/N), I said let go."

"Idia, please—

"LET GO ALREADY!!"

Idia rarely shouts at anyone let alone you. Well, he had a right to be angry. So, you reluctantly let go of him.

"...Just give me a chance to explain and I promise I'll leave you alone after that, if you want me to..."

"Speak."

Sometimes you forget that Idia can get like this. He usually isn't scary. Idia is a really shy and introverted person. But, well, he has his moments.

"...I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I didn't bother to hear you out. I'm sorry...that I can't be good enough for you... Still, Idia, I can't hate you, no, never you. You make me feel like I have a place in this world. Because of you, I can be happy. Your love is what I cherish the most. So, yes, Idia Shroud, I love you and I always will."

Idia didn't say anything. In fact, he looked away from you. 

You were saddened to see this and decided to give him his space. But, you barely took two steps when two arms wrapped around your torso. His breath was warm against your cheeks and you could hear his sniffles.

"Don't leave...(Y/N)... Stay with me... I love you too."

Malleus: A severe storm has been going on since four days. Four days you last talked to Malleus. Four days...after that fateful night... Seriously, Malleus is the last person you wanted to hurt. Your precious dragon, how could you hurt him like that? You broke his heart in the worst way possible. You wanted to scream and throw things. You still can't believe that you said you hate Malleus out of all people. You didn't need to look at his face to know that he was extremely upset. The storm was enough proof.

Sebek yelled at you a lot. Silver...was well... he was trying to be understanding. Lilia wasn't pleased with the situation but he understood where you are coming from. Also, he is aware that you don't have any ill intentions. So, being the old wise fae he is, he urged you to have a conversation with Malleus. According to him, you are the only who can actually get through him.

"He isn't coming out of his room. As mush as I want to drag him away from his bed, his sad face stops me every time. So, prefect, please go and take responsibility."

Oh, you were willing to do that. Lilia dropped you literally inside of Malleus's room and good lord he locked the door from outside. Damn Lilia.

You sighed and looked at Malleus, who was curled up in his blankets completely. Only his horns were visible. You would think he was asleep if it wasn't for the soft sniffles that was coming from under the blankets.

"Malleus...?"

You pulled off the blankets a little to see his face and his eyes widened immediately. He moved away from you and faced the wall. Uh, that kinda reminded you of a child. Well, he was one, at least to you.

"Malleus, listen, I'm so sorry. I can never hate you. I had rather die than hate you. I'm sorry, I truly am. I'm blessed to have you. I'm sorry that I didn't realize it sooner. You mean so much to me. So, yes, Malleus Draconia, I love you and I always will."

That had him practically jumping over you. Or, at least he wanted to. But still, it was so sudden that you ended up beside him in his bed. Finally, that gorgeous smile was back on his face. The storm stopped rather quickly after that. He was happy... really really happy that you, his love of his life, still loved him.

"My dear child of man, I love you too. Or... should I say future Mrs. Draconia?"

"Malleus!!"

He burst into laughter and honestly you couldn't wish for more.

[simplydannie]

Floyd fanfic? About anything?

Aahhh I love Floyd ❤️❤️ Me and a friend have an idea for an infected AU and you know I’m a sucker for Dad Floyd lol soooo :

No one wanted to accompany him, fine. Floyd continued on his own.

The world was quieter, he could feel it. It was peaceful, yet there was a sadness to it all. Floyd tightened his small little cloak around himself; he wasn’t cold, he just needed it for protection, to hide. The world was quieter, but it was also more danergous.

The news of the breakout spread quickly throughout the Troll Kingdom. It had started in the under city of Mount Rageous, then spread like wildfire from there. Floyd only had two particular people in mind when he heard the news: Velvet and Veneer.

The letters started coming in little by little, then eventually stopped. At first Floyd thought nothing of it, but then, when the news broke out, he was horrified.

“What are you doing?” Branch had asked him.

“Getting what we need to find the twins. News just spread, so they have to be fine. We just…”

“We?” Branch cut him off. “Who’s this we?”

“You’re not going to come with me?” Floyd asked.

“Floyd! Seriously! We just got back together again just before the world goes to hell, and you’re willing to leave for some brats?” Branch declared.

“It’s not that simple. I knew them before Branch, it’s hard to explain.” Floyd stated. “But I’ll explain it all the way little bro.”

“No! No one is going to help them… they don’t deserve it!”

“Branch, please. Do this for me?” Floyd begged.

But he didn’t, no one did…. Floyd ventured completely on his own.

He stopped the least he had too, unless he was sleep deprived and hungry. The small troll paused as he neared the Rageous Woods… a horrid place, filled with creatures most vile in this world. Floyd knew the woods all to well, he had ventures them himself before he stumbled upon Under Rageous. He pulled up the hoodie of his cloak and walked in.

Floyd went undetected for a while. His ears perking up to any sounds that came around…

SNAP!

Floyd stilled himself at the sound of a broken twig. He took out a small little knife. What good would a small knife do? He didn’t know, but something was better than nothing. Floyd cautiously neared the direction from which the sound came… low growls and gurgles were heard. It didn’t sound familiar to him, nothing like the creatures from the Rageous Woods. He got closer, and closer…he was able to make out the silhouette…. It was a Rageoun. Floyd’s heard stopped.

“Oh good please no.” He whispered amongst himself. Using his hair, he whipped into a higher branch for a better view. He studied the Rageoun… it was an infected. “Please, please, don’t be…”

It was dangerous, but he got nearer. As he did he began to make out the features of the infected Rageoun: black ooze dripping from its mouth, its eyes glasses, foggy white, things what looked like bone began slowly coming out of its skin. The closer he got a sigh of relief left him…it wasn’t the twins. Pity did over take him as this was someone’s family, friend, succumbed to the infection. Floyd decided to let it be… until….

“AHHH!” Something scooped him up from behind…. Another infected Rageoun. It had the same black ooze searing from its mouth, glasses foggy eyes, its skin starting to peel and expose bone. It opened its mouth wide ready to intake Floyd. Taking his little knife, Floyd stabbed the infected Rageoun. It gave an eerie cry before letting Floyd go. Good, it still felt pain.

As soon as he dropped to the floor, he took off running. Unfortunately, its shriek alerted a number of Rageouns that were roaming the woods… Floyd had not clue. They took a whiff of the scent the Troll gave off and pursued him. Using his hair, he whipped him self from tree to tree, trying to stay above the ground.

Floyd oils try to glance at the infected Rageouns pursing, hoping he didn’t spot Velvet or Veneer amongst them… so far so good.

He knew he was making it close and close to the gates of Under Rageous…

SWOOSH!

He felt something get thrown near him. Floyd lost his balance and tumbled to the ground landing hard. It took the wind out of him…He only had moment to catch his breath before he heard the cries and shrieks of the infect Rageouns nearing him. Looking to him left, Floyd saw the gates of Under Rageous.

“Almost there Floyd!” He mustered up the strength and kept running. He feels and hears the infected at his tail… he ran faster and faster and faster…

With a small battle cry Floyd slid under an opening just big enough to fit. He rolled a few inches before coming to a hault. The little Troll glanced up and saw the infected rounding the gates, hoping to break in, but it seems as it would hold… for now.

Floyd stood up to take in his surroundings. “I’m back.” He thought to himself. He’d never thought he would be. The city seemed empty and broken. Looking above the cloud line, Mount Rageous didn’t seem any better… the infected along with the infected spread quickly. Floyd had to plan carefully.

The prisons, the detention center… that was the best place to start. Before heading off, Floyd rolled around in a mucky puddle of water, hoping it would cover his scent from any infected that may be within the city limits.

Floyd prepared his heart and mind for what he might see inside….

“Alright guys. I’m coming.”

[i4bellingham]

(happy) birthday : jude bellingham x reader (angst)

synopsis: jude’s birthday party wasn’t the same. it will never be the same.

warning: a misleading concept, proceed and read with utmost caution. mentions (implications) of an accident, passing

note: rainy season brings the angst in me so here we are. this is a revised fic that i did for enhypen’s jungwon in my previous wattpad account that i wrote last 2021 (i think??) just in case someone recognizes the plot lol

The craft paper that held the bouquet of flowers was nearly crumpled, snug against Jude’s palm and he placed it beside him on the ground before he can further cause any damage to the floras.

He leaned on the trunk with a sheepish smile when you jokingly frowned at him as he stared ahead.

A timid sigh left his lips before he cradled a box on his lap. It was a gift from one of his teammates in England’s national football team. You've met him a couple of times, Jude thinks. Mason Mount was his name.

You've missed a plenty of party where he normally asks you to be his plus one. Unfortunately, he couldn't exactly do that now.

You're far away. So far away from home.

But Jude would still come over and visit, every thrice a year he would. And you're grateful. Very grateful.

“How was the party?” You asked him, leaning on his shoulders.

Jude feels a breeze of air brush past his neck, and he smiles, a pained one but he smiled regardless.

“The party was an absolute blast. Could never really expect anything less from the guys you know?” He replied. “It was fun. I had fun.”

You hummed, nodding your head to his words as he began fiddling with the ring on his finger.

“They had my brother smash a cake on my face the moment I stepped foot inside the house.” Jude shook his head, an amused laugh leaving his lips as he recalled being bombed by the vanilla frosting of his cake after he locked his door. “They also had these atrocious balloons with my meme faces printed on it. It was such a horrifying sight if I'm being quite honest.”

Jude looked to his side as you remained leaning on him, a soft smile gracing his lips as he recalls yet another monstrosity in his supposed birthday party.

“I don’t know who thought it was a good idea to do a bamboozled theme cupcakes but that was not it. Quite disgusting if I'm bein’ honest with you but no one really did stepped up to own up to that but it was fine.” He pursed his lips with a chuckle. “Jadon was the unlucky one for always picking out the bamboozled flavors though, nearly threw up in the carpet when he got the rotten egg instead of the vanilla flavored cupcakes.”

You laughed alongside him, imagining the reaction Sancho probably had knowing he can be a tad bit dramatic especially when the situation calls for it. But a rotten egg flavored cupcake? You nearly heaved dry air imagining what it might have tasted like.

Silence then prevailed as Jude got lost in his own thoughts and you silently observed your best friend as he stared right ahead of him. A somber expression took over the youthful and joyful glow in his eyes, the smile he had long vanished into a tight-lipped expression to mask the pain and sadness he was feeling.

“I miss you.” He muttered, fingers tugging on the small plants on the ground as he muttered the three words over and over again.

There is a deep-rooted ache in your chest, a sensation that felt like a thousand knives being plunged to your heart as you eye the fragile state your best friend was in.

You lost it when the first tear left his eyes, cascading down his cheeks as he fisted his palms over the ground.

“I just wish you were still here with me you know?” His voice broke, and Jude tried so hard to stop his tears from flowing, but to accompany the pain in his heart, they too never once stopped. “I miss you so much, and every single fucking day I wish that I was there to get you home so you don't have to ride that fucking bus, and maybe this wouldn't have to happen. Every breathing moment, I just wish that you never left me...”

You left his side, crouching down in front of him. And in your faint silhouette, you reached a hand out, gently tracing his cheeks as he cried, calling out for your name, apologizing, and wishing for you to comeback.

Jude feels awful. He was supposed to come here, spend some time with you during his birthday. The 3rd one that you already missed. He wasn't supposed to come here and cry his eyes out. But even this being the 3rd time, the pain in his chest never hurt less. The pain that lingered in his heart and mind, the same one that's been there since your passing was a hard one to tame. So heavy and remorseless as it ate him up whole, so unbothered to bite him where he's hurt the most.

And while everyone else seemed to have coped just fine, for Jude, it wasn't the same. Everyday hurt just the same, every single waking moment brought a new batch of tears to his eyes. It wasn't going easy for him, not even 3 years later.

“I just want you back here with me... that's all I want but I know I can't have that. And that is what hurts me the most, every single fucking day. It's easier to fake that I'm fine than tell the others that I'm not okay at all... I don't even think that I will be okay...”

The faint silhouette of your fingers traced his jaw, thumbs running over the skin of his cheeks where his tears were freely running down as he spoke.

They left a light feeling in your fingers, but cold against Jude’s skin.

It just wasn't the same anymore.

“I'm sorry.” You laid your forehead against his, muttering the only two words that you could speak of at that very moment. “I'm sorry. I am so sorry...”

A cold breeze of air passed by Jude, the gentle touch of cold air nipping at his skin, closer to his face as he closed his eyes to savor the feeling. It was a mere reminder that you were there in that moment with him, although not physically existing and wrapped in the warmth of his arms, Jude knew you were there, looking out for him just as you always do.

It was bittersweet, but he cherished that moment with you before your gravestone, watching the sun set in the distance just like the old times when you were still alive and with him.

And as Jude left, there is a neatly placed bouquet of red tulips by your grave. A bouquet of flowers that spoke of the words and feelings he never once had the chance to tell you.

not proofread.

[lionlena]

Too many shadows behind you (JavierPeñaxf!readerxJoelMiller) part 4: Our common shadows, our common light...

Summary: You were born in Laredo, but you didn't meet Javier until he came back from Colombia. You quickly fell in love with him and became his wife. You were happy, but… Shadows of the past begin to haunt Javier, and you lose the fight for his love and look for it in the arms of someone else.

Generally, it's JavierxReader but Joel also appears. Feel warned.

Warnings: age gap, angst, hurt, PTSD, mentions about rape and murders, reader cheating her husband Javier, Yes you read that right, READER cheats on Javier, Javier is a faithful husband, mention of abortion.

When you got home you both agreed that you needed to talk. If you wanted to repair yours marriage and raise a child together, you had to tame yours shadows.

You sat down on the couch together. Javier grabbed your hands and avoided your eyes. You saw that he was upset and you wanted to encourage him.

"Honey…" It felt strange to use pet names towards him after so long. But it also felt so natural and right.

When he looked at you, you gave him a soft smile.

"No matter what you tell me, it won't change the way I see you… You are my husband. A husband who, despite my cheating, shows me tenderness and understanding that I do not deserve."

Javier immediately shook his head and stroked your cheek.

"Don't say that. I was the one who never deserved a wife like you… Beautiful, young, intelligent, sweet…" Javi gave you a sad look. "I've done so much wrong, mi amor."

Javier sighed and lowered his head. You moved closer to him and squeezed his hands tighter.

"Babe, I want to get to know you. Every side of you. If your past got us where we are now, then… I guess it's the right time."

Javier couldn't agree with you more. It's time for you to understand his shadows. It's time for you to learn about his sins.

"So in Colombia, I did things I'm not proud of and I saw things I want to forget but I can't…"

And finally he started talking. He told you everything. About Helena and how she was brutally raped and he always felt he was partially to blame for it. He talked about the boy Carrillo shot. About Olivia's mom… And about cooperation with Los Pepes.

Many times his voice cracked and his eyes glistened with tears. And you just listened to him carefully. You didn't interrupt him and just supported him. You held his hands tightly and stroked his cheek from time to time. You knew Javier had to get it out finally. You were horrified by what you heard, but you still didn't see him as a bad person. He did what he had to do in a world full of violence and corruption.

Eventually, Javi started talking about the night you were at the bar and he didn't feel like showing up. He told you about what he discovered two days later and how much it affected him. There were so many emotions in him that he couldn't control them anymore and tears started rolling down his cheeks.

It broke your heart. You immediately cupped his face in your hands and started kissing his cheeks.

"Oh, Javi… mi amor… I'm so sorry you had to experience this alone."

Javi hiccupped and leaned into your touch. His voice trembled as he said:

"I put you in danger… I…"

Your heart trembled when you saw him like this. You didn't think he had such a burden on his shoulders. You felt even worse that you had cheated on him. However, you rejected the remorse and focused on the more important thing, which was comforting him.

"Mi amor…" you whispered and gently lifted his head. "How could you put me in danger that you didn't even know about? If anything, I put myself in danger… I went to that bar on my own…"

Javier swallowed his tears.

"But if I hadn't come then…"

You knew you had to put an end to his thoughts as quickly as possible.

"You don't know that… Neither of us knows that. You don't know what I would do if you wrote to me that you weren't coming… Maybe I would go home right away because I would like to be with you…"

You saw Javi start to calm down as it started to dawn on him that you were right. However, you decided to go even further.

"You don't control the world, honey. We can avoid all the dangerous places in the city and evil might still find us… We might just become victims of an accident. You can't blame yourself for something you have no control over…" You placed your hand on his chest. "I know you, Honey. I know you have a good heart. No matter what you say, I know how tender you are."

A small smile appeared on his face. He took your hand in his large one and brought it to his lips, kissing your fingers.

"Thank you…" he whispered.

Even though it was a very tender gesture, you felt sad and sadness appeared in your eyes.

"I'm sorry… If I had known… I would never…"

Your voice broke and tears began to stream down your face. Javi immediately pulled you towards him and started kissing your cheeks.

"Shhh… shhh… You said it yourself that we don't control the world. I haven't talked to you, so how could you know what's on my mind."

You hiccupped and moaned pitifully.

"But I should have… I should have known something was wrong… I could have sensed it… you are my husband after all… Instead… I'm so ashamed…"

Javi shook his head and smiled softly at you.

"We've already talked about this. I'm not saying that what you did didn't hurt me, but I understand you. You have your needs… and I wasn't meeting them. And I don't want to think about it anymore. We're together again now, and soon…" He placed his hand on Your belly. "We're going to be parents. Let's focus on that, honey."

Your heart swelled with love for him. You didn't understand how it was possible that a man could be so understanding and loving. Javier welcomed you with open arms, with all your shadows.

"Javi… I love you and I swear to you that for the rest of my life, I will reward you for what you are doing for me now."

Javier smiled and pulled you into his lap. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed you on the cheek.

"Te amo mi corazón."

You wrapped your arms around his neck and sighed contently. You didn't know how you both were so happy again. After a few minutes of silence, you asked:

"And what now? Will we tell the others the truth?"

Javi immediately shook his head.

"No, my angel. It will stay as it is. I cheated on you, but it turned out that you were pregnant, so you forgave me and let me come back."

You frowned and gave him a sad look.

"But I don't want you to take all the blame."

He smiled gently and brushed your hair out of your face.

"Baby, it will be better this way. Not only for us but also for our baby… Believe me, I know this city. I know how they will look at our baby and whisper behind our baby's back… I don't want that. I want this baby from the very beginning to feel special, not excluded."

You couldn't help it and started crying again. Your hormones weren't making it easy for you to stay calm. You buried your face in the crook of his neck and moaned softly:

"Javi…"

You didn't know how to express to him how you felt. Love, gratitude, but also sadness. You were the one who made a mistake, but he was the one who was going to fix it and face the consequences.

His large, warm hand soothingly rubbed your back.

"Shhh… Everything will be fine. I will take care of you." * Javier fully kept his word and took care of you in a way you really wouldn't expect, even if it was his child and you would never cheat on him. He fulfilled all your cravings and made sure you didn't overwork yourself in any way. He often came home with flowers or something sweet. And he was so happy when he could go with you to your medical check-up and see your baby on the ultrasound. Javier's baby. You stopped thinking about Joel and the fact that he was the baby's biological father. It wasn't hard when Javier was acting in such an affectionate way. In the evenings, he would put his head on your pregnant belly and talk to the baby about everything. When you giggled quietly, he kept telling you that he had read that it was important because thanks to it, after birth, the baby would know his voice and calm down faster. Of course, he read it in a book he bought, because Javier started reading a lot of books about pregnancy and caring for newborns. More than you. He was also buying a lot of things for the baby and you didn't have the heart to tell him to stop. He was so happy and calm. He even agreed to go to a therapist. Of course, in another city to avoid gossip, but it didn't matter. You were proud of him. Your intimate life is back to normal, and maybe it even got better than it was at the beginning of your marriage. Every extra inch of fat on your thighs and hips made Javier shiver with excitement. He was obsessed with your curves and as soon as you were in bed he would start kissing all over your body. And then, even in his sleep, he would often place his hand on your pregnant belly, hip, or thigh.

And the rumors naturally died down. In the beginning, of course, people commented on the fact that you were together again, and of course, you were told more than once that you were stupid for forgiving Javier's cheat on you. Each time, these words stung your heart painfully and you wanted to scream out the truth. But eventually, people got bored. They saw that you were happy, and happiness is never an interesting reason for people to gossip.

But while the locals stopped commenting on Javier's 'cheating', the family didn't forgive him.

You were six months pregnant when you lost your nerves during a family dinner. Everything started well. Chucho organized a small party to celebrate his birthday. There were two of Javier's cousins with their wives and children, an aunt, an uncle, and even your mother. Everything was going well, the atmosphere was pleasant. Cheerful music, delicious food, and casual conversations with family members. And Javier, who, of course, made sure that you had everything and that you felt comfortable.

The party ended late in the evening, you were tired, but you decided to help clean up. Only Chucho, Javier, and your mother remained at home. You entered the kitchenette with a pile of plates and Javier immediately ran up to you.

"Mi amor!" He took the dishes from you. "Don't strain yourself like that. It's too heavy for you."

You giggled and shook your head.

"Javi, it's only a few plates. I've told you so many times that pregnancy is not a sickness. Besides, at the last ultrasound, the doctor told you three times that the baby was fine."

Javier huffed and walked over to you. He started rubbing your belly and was about to say something when your mother spoke up.

"It's good that the baby is healthy. The stress he put you under could have caused some complications."

You tried to ignore her, as did your husband. You placed your hand on his and he smiled warmly at you. You admired him for his calmness, even though your mother often made snide comments.

Javier looked at your pregnant belly with tenderness and said:

"I would love this baby even if he or she was sick."

You knew he was saying it more to you than to your mother. It was his way of telling you as usual: I'm here, I'm with you, no matter what. You felt tears gathering in your eyes. Javier was too kind to you. But before the first tear rolled down your cheek, you heard Chucho's voice.

"It would be your damn duty. Especially after what you did. You're lucky that Y/N agreed to let you come back to her."

You immediately noticed a grimace on your beloved husband's face. No matter how many times he told you that other people's insults didn't hurt him. You knew that the comments from his father were very hurtful to him. And that was it. You couldn't hold it in any longer. Rage surged within you. You stepped forward and shouted:

"Enough of this! Both of you, shut up!"

You didn't know who was more surprised. You, Javi, his father, or your mother. You always treated them with great respect, but you couldn't do it anymore. Javi grabbed your hand gently and whispered:

"Don't do this, mi amor."

You looked at him with love and sadness.

"No, Javi. I can't stand that you have to endure insults even among your loved ones. This is your family home…"

Your mother decided to interfere.

"So you think we should ignore his behavior."

You looked at her confidently and hissed:

"It wasn't Javier who cheated on me. I cheated on him!"

Your mother's stupid expression strangely pleased you. Chucho looked at you surprised and said:

"What? He confessed…"

You sighed heavily and looked at Javier, who was looking at you with a mixture of love and gratitude.

"Yes, he took all the blame on himself, because that's how he is. He's the best husband in the world who decided to protect me even when I was at fault."

Javier's eyes glistened with tears. He touched your cheek and whispered:

"Mi amor…"

"So this baby…"

Your mother's voice was like a blade thrown at you. This time, Javi felt furious. He immediately wrapped his arms around you protectively and pulled you into his side.

"This baby is MINE! And I never want to hear a single word that it could be otherwise. Understood?!"

Your mother decided to shut up for the first time in her life and nodded meekly. Javi shot a glance at his father, but Chucho also nodded and looked at his son apologetically. Your husband looked at you tenderly and kissed your temple.

"Come on, cariño. Enough stress for today. It's not good for you or our baby."

He grabbed your hand and you went outside without saying goodbye. You were both silent until you reached your car, which was parked in a place where no one could see you from the windows of the house. Only then did Javier stop and turn to you. He placed his hands on your hips and looked at you with a mixture of tenderness and sadness.

"Why did you do that?"

You sighed and stroked his cheek.

"Because I've had enough of these slanders. And I know… That your father's words hurt you. And you don't deserve it. You gave me everything. Love, patience, understanding…" You felt tears gathering in your eyes. "It's simply unfair that you can't feel at ease even among your loved ones."

Javi immediately raised one of his hands towards your face, ready to wipe away the tears that hadn't fallen yet.

"I know, my Angel, and I'm grateful, but… I'm just worried about you and I don't want you to be upset."

You nodded and smiled, trying to lighten the mood a little.

"But they had funny facial expressions."

Javier chuckled and shook his head.

"I've never seen your mother have such big eyes and my dad… I don't think he's ever been redder."

You started laughing quietly and placed your hands on his chest.

"Let's go home… I'm getting hungry and I want vanilla ice cream with saltine crackers."

Javier raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything. Over the past few months, he had become accustomed to your strange cravings and the fact that you were often hungry. He wrapped his arms around your waist and led you towards the car door, but before he opened it, he had to share with you one more thought that was bothering him.

"What if your mother starts gossiping about it? I'm sure my dad will keep it to himself, but…"

"But she's capable of anything." You sighed and snuggled into his body for a moment. "I don't know, but I know that me and this child always have you and… If necessary, I'm even ready to move to another city. My home is where you are."

Javier smiled and hugged you tightly, holding you close to him. He kissed your head and whispered:

"It's true. You will always have me. From now on, we will survive everything, because we are together. You are my home."

You felt peace come over you despite all the shadows that surrounded you. You felt as if Javier's shadows and yours had become yours. You didn't fight them anymore. You have learned to live with them. There was a light between you that grew brighter every day. *

'You accept me from a flood You give me everything I know Even in my darkest nights I know you're there, right by my side Somehow with you, I don't feel alone, You'll always be my home, my heart I'll be with you wherever you are My home, my heart I feel you with me when we're worlds apart You'll always be my home' *Myles Smith - My home

Part 3

Part 5

Tag list: @harriedandharassed

[castletown-cafe]

Life Updates, AuDHD, and A Mental Trainwreck

Content Warnings: Mental illness, current events, betrayal trauma, abuse, & family death.

It's time I talked about how things have been for me lately. I'm tired of hyping up all these things/projects I can't commit to, it feels like I'm making promises I can't fulfill. I get too ambitious, I get too many ideas, and even the ones I manage to see through, I just do not enjoy the writing portion.

About a year ago, my focus drifted away from Castletown Cafe. Many of you here may know what that's like to lose interest/hyperfixation on one thing and get fixated on something else, that's natural for us with autism and ADHD. We get an intense hyperfocus on a topic or project for a while only to shift to the next topic, losing interest or forgetting about the previous. I got really fixated on Pokemon Scarlet & Violet, Splatoon 3, and ACNH this past year, as well as making my own unrelated cooking projects revolving around seasonal ingredients. This fall, I got crazy ambitious for an entire fall-themed cookbook and even a Halloween one, things that obviously will take years of practice and experimentation (and need year-round work).

On top of that, however, I have not been feeling as well mentally this year. I've had less motivation to draw, and felt a stronger dislike of writing. If you have ADHD you know how hard it is to get yourself to do something you don't want to do. It's like pulling teeth. I've always had issues with executive dysfunction, and I wonder how much of it I've succumbed to this year. And while I've never been diagnosed with clinical depression, I'm wondering/concerned if I am showing signs of it like I might have been this year with my lack of motivation, my focus and drive getting worse, loss of enjoyment of things I ordinarily enjoy doing, such as drawing, feeling sad more often, and either sleeping too much or too little.

Granted the events of this fall haven't helped. We all know what's going on in the world right now. It's horrifying, it's depressing, and it's easy to feel helpless, but we all have the power to protest, to boycott, and to use social media to amplify voices of the marginalized. I have been very active on Twitter with this, but it has also been hard to enjoy my favorite times of year, the fall and Halloween, when tens of thousands are being massacred. It's no wonder I have been so depressed this fall, knowing the country we live in is siding with the colonizers and is actively funding genocide. Our tax dollars are being used to fund this and many, if not most, American brands and companies are also in favor of it.

Then, in November, I discover that an 80s band I liked is guilty of VERY inappropriate behavior toward women. One I had been listening to for the past few years. Fronted by a guy whose music I had enjoyed since childhood. I shouldn't have been so surprised, but it still broke me anyway. Another betrayal was a YouTuber who turned out to be an imposter with no thoughts or opinions of his own, only stolen from others. Yet another was a confirmation of suspicions I had toward a certain animator having NPD and being abusive, (who, to be honest, I never actually liked, just her art style and cartoons).

Oh, but that's not all! Here's where it gets really personal, but I think I really need to disclose this. On top of everything going on, I had two deaths in the family recently. One was a parent whom I didn't get along with very well, the other was my old pup Oscar. My old doggo has been easier to grieve, because he was a sweet, good boy....and honestly....he deserved a better end to his life than what he got. He was living with my father, keeping him company. My father was the parent I had a bad relationship with, and is the reason I advocate strongly for responsible and careful drinking. Because he failed to do that. He always used alcohol for self-medication, something you should NEVER do. His substance abuse got worse and worse over the years, driving him meaner and more abusive. He was never really kind to me, even if he tried to be. I never had a good relationship with my father, and honestly I know a lot of people can relate to that with one or both of their parents. A lot of us have betrayal trauma from growing up, maybe you have parents who don't love you unconditionally, or parents who never wanted to be parents, emotionally or physically abusive parents, you get the idea. Mine just so happened to be a man born and raised in a time where there was no diagnosis for his neurodivergence. He had tons of internalized ableism that he pushed onto me, and modelled horrible, angry behavior. He also had depression, but never sought help, and I believe that's due to toxic masculinity.

He can't hurt me anymore, though. I moved out of his house almost 5 years ago, and I wish it had been sooner. I'm not sure how to feel about his passing, because of how he treated me when he was alive. One thing I have been feeling though, is stress. He has left behind a house that is a disaster because he neglected to take care of it, tons of debt because he had failed to pay his bills, and no will whatsoever so inheritance is also going to be a mess to untangle. My family and I have been going back to that house to clean it, get it repaired, and figure out what to do with everything left behind. Right in the middle of a holiday season. What fun /sarcasm.

On the topic of Oscar, it's safe to say how he passed/what happened. My father went first, and so Oscar just curled up next to him.....and stayed there until he also died. And honestly....that's just heartbreaking.....I wish Oscar could've howled for help, that someone could have heard him and come to his rescue and taken care of him....but he didn't....I just wish i could have been by Oscar's side in his final moments. I know he was an old dog, he lived to be 15 and a half...but he's with my grandma now and I hope she's taking good care of him, wherever they are.

Meanwhile, Penny has been a new family member since July. She has been by my side to give hugs and cuddles, and I've needed them a lot these past few weeks. Since Oscar stayed behind to keep my father company when I moved out a few years ago, I missed my puppy, and having a little doggo around. And so, enter Penny. She's even registered as an emotional support animal, or ESA, and she goes all kinds of places with me. I love the attention she gets from other people when we go shopping together. Her cuteness lightens up a room and makes the day of many people.

My little fluffy girl has been a big help getting me through everything this season.

Back to Castletown Cafe, it may take a while, but I hope one day to return to it. I have all kinds of ideas and things I want to make and practice, and I also hope to create more content in 2024, even doing more live gaming on Twitch. I got a new computer for streaming, but I still need a monitor for it. I wanna have a streaming schedule and everything.

I really appreciate all of you who are still here even though I haven't been able to make many new things or deliver upon hyped ideas. I feel bad about my lack of content this year, though with recent life events I think it's really understandable as to why I haven't been able to churn out much in that regard.

One more thing: I do want to disclose that my ADHD is unmedicated. I can't get medication for it (not with this hell-thcare system) and I don't know what I should take for executive dysfunction. For those of you who made it this far with ADHD, what do you recommend?

Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read this, especially if you made it all the way to the end here. I know it was a lot, and some of this is REALLY heavy stuff. These are things that we all do go through, however.

Thank you.

~ Mari 🧡

[eirathesnow]

You know I love OUABH series, but the ACFTL disappointed me SO MUCH. I mean, I liked it, I waited for the book for months and I was really excited to read it. I also enjoyed reading it. It had me giggling, wiggling my feet. I sometimes dropped my jaw, but I excepted more! We all did! So, I have few things and some questions.

1. Where's Eva's stepsister and her Ex luca? They disappeared? Maybe they're not important for the story, but at least give some information about their where abouts!

2. We didn't have Jacks for so long! It felt like the whole book was gonna end without us meeting Jacks!

3. All other people were also gone. Like LaLa. She was there only for the last pages (and she ate every second of it). I love that girl and her story, so why was she gone and why didn't Eva remember her even after she got her memories back!?

4. In the end, Aurora explained that the person who could never love Jacks was the only immune to his kiss. Does that mean that every other girl loved him as Eva did?

5. When Eva leaned for an kiss, I expected Jacks to decline or try to push Eva away for her sake, but he just kissed her, even though the whole book was about him not wanting to kiss her so she wouldn't die! I expected him to be shocked, horrified, afraid! But he just kissed back, even though the chance of her dying was much higher! It was stupid!

6. Why did Eva survive Jacks kiss? I heard someone saying that their love broke the curse, but if it is the truth, then why was it so unreal? I hoped that Stephanie would describe the feeling of the curse being broken. Like, saying that the weight from Jacks shoulders lifted or sum like that. But we got nothing! Just a kiss and then a pathetic joke (I laughed at that joke btw).

7. Don't know about you, but I hoped, and I believed they would have a sad ending. Like, the whole foreshadowing, warning from everyone, including Jacks, was for nothing! All 3 books were about how impossible it is for them to be together! It got to the point that the end was so unrealistic! It made no sense at all! Don't get me wrong, I love that they got their happy ending, but it feels so forced!

8. The ending was too quick. That's all. I wanted more. I got few pages of them happy together

9. Is Jacks still a fate? Is he still immortal? Does that mean that Eva is gonna eventually die and Jacks is gonna be heartbroken again? Does the story repeat itself?

10. Why the fuck didn't we got an explanation for the apples thing!!??? If we wouldn't get an answer, why was it even mentioned!?!??

[parcequecestnotreprojeeeet]

The story is about why he might have started boxing. Your Strawberry

Healing Wounds

Impatiently, she waited for him. They had been scheduled to meet an hour ago, but he hadn't shown up. She was beginning to worry. It was not unusual for him to be late, but he had never kept her waiting this long. Sadly, she looked at the lovingly laid table. She had been looking forward to this evening, because they hadn't been able to see each other for a while.

Sighing, she sat down at the table and looked at the candle that kept burning down. Having this relationship was not easy. There was hostility from all sides and it was hard to let it all wash over you. Sometimes she envied him for not being here all week. But she also knew that he was attacked just as much as she was.

She blew out the candle and stood up. As she was putting the dishes away, the doorbell rang. Heart pounding and as fast as she could, she went to the door and opened it. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw it was him. "Finally," it came from her lips, but she faltered when she looked at him more closely. She was horrified to see the laceration above his eye.

"What happened?" So far he had not said a word. She grabbed his arm and pulled him into the house. As soon as the door had fallen into the lock behind him, he sighed and pulled her to him. She let it happen, sensing that he needed that hug now. "I'm sorry I'm so late," he said in a sad voice. "Why are you so late?" she asked in an anxious voice, for she suspected it had something to do with the laceration.

He broke away from the embrace but continued to hold her and glare at her. "I'm so sick of this abuse," he said and she heard the anger about it in his voice. "Is that why you fought?" she asked timidly. He shook his head. "No." Irritated, she looked at him. "What happened?" He sighed. "I listened to it and left, but I had to let my anger out somehow. That's why I went kick-boxing." He heard her draw in a sharp breath.

"Is that where the wound came from?" she asked softly and he nodded. "It felt good to let the anger out, but I wasn't paying attention." "Is it that bad?" she asked softly and he knew what she meant. Tenderly he stroked her cheek. "I'm sure you must be suffering more than I am. But I just can't understand why people think they want to run our lives. It's none of their damn business."

"Let me disinfect your wound," she said gently and pulled him into the bathroom. She directed him to sit on the edge of the bath. Then she gathered everything together and carefully attended to the wound. Not a word passed his lips as she dressed him. After sticking on a plaster, she embraced his face and looked at him intensely.

"Together we are strong, yes?" she asked softly and he sensed she needed his reassurance. "Yes, together we will get through anything," he replied, pulling her onto his lap. The next moment his lips were on hers and after a while he tasted her salty tears. He broke the kiss and reached for her chin. "Don't cry, chérie," he begged, pressing her closer to him. "The wounds will heal."

Hello sweet 🍓! ❤️

Very sweet and touchy piece at the same time. The constant abuse, Emmanuel needing to get it out of his system... I feel him, it's not always easy. But yes, no matter what, together nothing or anyone can beat them.

Thank you so much, Strawberry ❤️❤️❤️

[joannaliceevans-fanficblog]

You Will Find Me: Chapter. 8

A/N: Oh my word. is this an update? Sorry everyone! It took me this long with this chapter. I couldnt get where I wanted to go. But here we are! Hope ya’ll enjoy this chapter, as much as I enjoyed writing it!

I would also like to thank my three ladies here: @adulting-sucks @hollybee8917​ @princessofdarkwinter​ ! thank you ladies again for the beta!

  The door burst open as Sarah barged in with Frank hot on her heels right behind her. Both stood and looked at each other as Frank closed the door. Sarah turned to face him, angry tears pouring down her face as she looked at him.

“Sarah-“

“Frank- I just-“ Sarah started and turned her back towards him.

“Honey, look, I know there are a lot of things. But-“

“But what?” Sarah interrupted. Frank sighed, trying to find the right words to avoid her getting angry.

“I did this because I love you.”

Sarah frowned and glared at him.

“By lying to me?!”

Frank sighed again, placed his hands on his hips, and bit his bottom lip.

“I didn’t lie to you, sweetheart, and I just didn’t want to-”

Sarah stared at him with confusion. Why would he lie? To keep her when she was supposedly living another life with another man who kept showing up in her dreams?

“You didn’t want any of this, so you lied to me?!”

Before Frank could reply, his phone rang. Rolling his eyes, he ignored the call. His phone kept ringing and ringing until he could no longer ignore it. He took his phone out of his pocket and looked at the screen to see his mother’s name. Sarah looked at his screen and saw that it was his mother and her future mother-in-law.

“Frank, I suggest you answer your mother. She’s going to call me if you don’t pick up,” Sarah said as she made her way back to the bedroom and closed the door. Frank stared after her for a moment before he picked up the phone.

As Sarah stood in the bedroom, something told her to look, to search through his belongings for an answer, and that is just what she did.

Sarah turned on the lights and began to dig through Frank’s side of the closet. Pulling his hanged clothes to the side, she found unmarked boxes. She grabbed one of them and opened it, horrified to see her suspicions were correct. Sarah dropped the box as more confusion washed over her. 

There were more papers of her missing case. She kept telling herself to stop looking, that it would confuse her more. But she couldn’t—paper after paper, newspaper articles, dates on the news broadcast about her whereabouts.

The door to the bedroom burst open, and Frank appeared in front of her at the closet entrance, a look of sadness and concern written on his face.

“I have to leave for a few weeks. My dad is in the hospital, and I need to help my mom with the legal- ". Frank said.

Usually, when it came to Frank’s family, Sarah would have jumped up and asked if there was anything she could do. But this time, she felt like she didn’t care. The only thing on her mind now was his lies and why he did that. And really, who she was. 

Sarah stared at him, not knowing what else to say, and walked out of the closet.

“Sarah babe, I know you're mad at me. You have every right to be. But I can’t leave like this.” Frank told her. Sarah turned and faced him.

“You’re right, and I have every right to be mad. I have the right to stay mad at you for lying to me.” Sarah said as she went to get her bag to pack some overnight clothes.

“You can stay here. I’ll be at the inn sleeping in one of the extra rooms.” Sarah said and walked out. Frank called out to her, but she ignored him and continued walking away when she felt his hand on hers as he spun her around, making her face him.

“Sarah, please? Not like this.” Frank said as he placed his forehead against hers. The mix of his citrus shampoo filled her nose and would often drive Sarah crazy. But she couldn’t let him get away with it. Pulling away from him, Sarah let go of his hand and backed away from Frank.

It broke her heart to see Frank look sad and upset, but he had brought this upon himself, and he should have known.

“NO, please? Just for tonight- don’t. I-I need you.” Frank begged.

Sarah wiped her fresh tears and sighed. 

“I’m sorry, Frank.”

**

Nat and Steve

Evening rolled around, and dinner time was quickly approaching. According to Andy and the website, the restaurant was one of the top-notch restaurants in Massachusetts. The lines were all out the door, and the reservations were about a month in advance. Lucky for both of them, they were able to secure a seat that was facing the bay. As they headed to the lobby, Nat paused and looked towards the front desk, where a woman was heard talking to a middle-aged lady. 

“Beth, is there a room available?”

“Yes, there is, honey. Is there something wrong? You look upset.”

“It's-it's just a lot of things happening, and I don’t want to get into it right now. I want to lay down and take a break.”

“Okay, I’ll have Marcus get your things. The room is 417.”

“Thank you, Beth, and I’ll be back for dinner service. I can help out at the bakery.”

“Honey?” Nat heard Steve say. Nat turned to her husband and gave a smile.

“Sorry, I thought I saw something,” Nat said, giving her husband another smile. Steve looked at her as he took her hand into his.

“Alright, let’s go,” Steve said and led the way to the restaurant. As the hostess sat them at their table, Nat picked up the menu and began to browse.

“The filet mignon looks good.” Steve mentioned, making Nat giggle.

“Yea, it’s the only thing you like to eat besides my cooking,” Nat said, still giggling. 

“Hey, you’re the best, okay?” Steve said as he leaned back into his chair. Nat sighed as she, too, leaned back into her chair. 

The waiter came by and took their orders. Steve ordered his Filet mignon with steamed veggies, mashed potatoes, and Red Wine Mushroom Gravy. Something caught her eye just as Nat was about to order the pasta. 

A dish that Sarah first taught her. 

"I'll have the Baked Salmon in Filo Dough, with Pesto Sauce, lemon pepper grilled asparagus, and Lemon Pilaf Rice." 

The waitress nodded and left to place their order in. 

“Sarah was the one that taught me to cook that dish, too,"  Nat mentioned. Steve placed his glass of whisky down and sighed.

“Was that why you looked a bit lost earlier?” Steve asked. Nat sighed and leaned back into her chair.

“I thought I heard and saw her, or I don’t know. I feel this might be a mistake.” Nat said.

Steve sighed. “Natasha, we wouldn’t be here if I thought it was all wrong. When have I ever been wrong with the things I found?”

Nat looked at her husband and smiled. “Never. That’s why you and Andy work well together. By the way, does Andy know we are here?”

Steve leaned back into his chair and sighed.

“He knows, but I told him not to come unless we are sure she’s the one,” Steve said. Nat took a sip of her water.

“Okay, so what do we have so far?” Nat asked. Steve ran his hands through his hair.

“Well, we know that this place is co-owned by Frank Adler. And that his fiancé’s name is Sarah,” Steve paused.

“How they met is a mystery. But Frank comes from a wealthy prestigious family in Boston, ” Steve said, leaning back in his chair. Nat sighed and took a sip of her wine. 

“Did you find anything else?” Nat asked. 

Steve looked at his wife for a moment and sighed. When he read about Frank, he knew there was something off about him, and he needed to do some research, but much stuff didn’t add up due to his family status. 

“What’s on your mind?” Nat asked. Steve sighed once more and ran his hands over his head.

“I saw a picture of the two on his Instagram. There’s something off about him that I can’t pinpoint what it is,” Steve said as he ran a hand across his face.

“For you not to figure it out is something new,” Nat said as she picked up her glass of wine and took a sip.

“Exactly. Something doesn't add up with him nor this relationship.” 

“Okay, I’ll stay behind and keep an eye on Sarah,” Nat said. Steve looked at his wife and took her hand into his. 

“You have a hunch, don't you?” Steve replied. Nat smiled, “I do. But I need more information, and I feel this might be her.”

Before Steve could say anything, the waiter came by with their orders. 

**

Sarah sat in the spare bedroom on the top floor, looking down at her left arm, a deep scar that she didn’t remember how it got there. She would often ask Frank if he knew how she got it, but he would usually change the subject to that it was the past and that she should move on. 

Tears came down as the feeling of pain and sadness washed over her. Like before, the pain in Sarah's heart intensified, and her hand went to her chest. 

Visions of a man with a beard came to her. The sunny beach as he held her hand. His face was a blur, but everything about this seemed familiar and calm. 

The pain in her heart subsided, and Sarah regained her breathing. As she sat, the images still stayed with her. Usually, they would fade away, but this time was different—just like last time, it happened in the kitchen downstairs.  

Sarah heard a faint buzz interrupting her thoughts. Sarah made her way over to the dresser and looked at Frank’s name as it flashed across the screen. He called a few more times, each time unanswered. Sarah sighed as a text from Frank popped up.  

Hey honey, I know you're mad at me. But please, call me. If you choose not to, wait for me to come home, and we can discuss it. I love you, Sarah; please know that I love you with all my heart, and everything I did was to protect you. 

For some reason, Sarah placed her phone down and rolled her eyes. She wanted to believe him, but Sarah felt he didn’t mean it. Her stomach started growing as she realized she hadn’t eaten since lunchtime. Putting her phone in her back pocket, Sarah walked out of her room and locked it behind her. 

She started down the stairs and hit what felt like a brick wall, causing her to fall to the ground as she took the last step when she turned. Sarah heard voices around her as she tried to regain her vision. A redhead and a dark brown-haired man stood in front of her as they looked at her with their eyes wide open.

[kotalloxaloy]

Ok, so I finally finished Burning Shores and I have several thoughts

Below the cut because I'm sure many people haven't played and I don't want to spoil anything!

I liked the DLC! I had a lot of fun. I thought the setting was really interesting, I liked the new characters and the storyline definitely drew me in and I fucking LOVE the new mount (PSA you can take it to the main map and go underwater in the expanse of ocean that you can't swim through. There is nothing interesting down there and it pops up the warning that the current is too strong, but you can swim through it no problem.)

Yes I'm sad there was no Kotallo. It's fine, I wasn't expecting him, and we only saw Sylens and Alva so the other GAIA gang wasn't there either. I am extra disappointed that we can't go talk to him more!!! But I think that it's cool that Kotallo traveling to the sundom for the new embassy is canon now. I think lots of fics put forth the idea that Kotallo would act as a diplomat for the Tenakth to the Carja in Fashav's place. Cool that it's canon now.

I chose to kiss Seyka. Normally I pick the brain options but if I'm given an opportunity to kiss a girl in games I do it! Now, I haven't had the time to process everything well enough to pick apart the romantic story line (was it rushed? was there enough lead up to it? did it make sense?) but I do think Seyka is a good match for Aloy- the whole "I broke my tribe's rules and used technology I wasn't supposed to to help me accomplish an important personal goal" is very reminiscent of Aloy using a focus despite Rost insisting that it was dangerous.

Yes I still ship Aloy with some people who are not women. The devs have not said and nothing in the game has confirmed that Aloy (or Elisabet or Beta) is a lesbian. I myself am a bisexual woman and I am a big stickler about bi erasure. I also headcanon Kotallo as Bi. and plenty of other characters for that matter. The main thing that FW and Burning Shores confirmed for me is that Aloy (and Elisabet, and presumably Beta since they have the same DNA) is queer and I absolutely love it. More queer women leads in video games!!!

The fucking villian. Oh my god. I know I just talked about being bi but goddamnit they cast SAM WITWER as the villian??? I literally have never been so disgusted by a character I was attracted to. I've had a thing for Sam Witwer for like 13 years back when he was on Being Human. I got his autograph at a con and have it displayed in a DnD book that he contributed to. I didn't even realize it was Sam Witwer until I walked into that room with his face plastered all over the walls. Before that we only heard his recorded voice and saw holograms of him-and that never looks or sounds exactly like the character. But I walked by that first photo on the left when you walk in and I literally yelled out "SAM WITWER?" listen I could go into it more as to why i'm horrified by his character but I am a Sam Witwer fan so I can and will appreciate his performance.

Walter Londra is disgusting and I literally yelled "GROSS" out loud with the way he looked at Seyka's sister. I'm so glad Seyka was like "ABSOLUTELY NOT" and put a stop to it because if I had to watch one more second I might have puked.

I liked the theme park. Dinos are fun.

I play on story mode so maybe this is because I'm on the easiest setting, but I was able to walk on and in the lava and only go caught on fire once I was like waist deep in it. that was weird.

I would like significantly more underwater content with the Waterwing. I absolutely love it an I was just going up and down into the sky and into the water. extremely cool and I just want more underwater stuff to do with it.

There was an NPC with vitiligo which I thought was neat.

I almost cried at the end of Gildun's little side quest. And when Aloy gave him a focus I just thought it was so sweet!

I kind of felt bad for Evelyn Day? I know everyone had it bad, lots of people ended their lives before the Faro Plague hit them, and I know she cheated on her husband with his best friend which is kind of a dick move. but that last recording was very sad.

SYLENS 😭😭😭 I know I probably feel more attached to him knowing that Lance Riddick has passed away. But the end there, Aloy was SO MEAN to him! I was like "NO ALOY! He isn't doing this to prove he is the smartest!!! He decided to stay when he saw the friendships you formed! You showed him that there is value in human connection and that maybe there is a little hope when people work together!" I think she saw the good in him in the end but she was so snarky about it!

I probably have more thoughts but that's enough for now. I'm not very interested in an discourse about the devs offering a love interest or if the story of the dlc was good or whatever. I had fun, I can't wait for Horizon 3, and I still love Kotallo and ship him with Aloy but I'll be just as happy if we end up with Seyka or another WLW ship in the end for Aloy. The end. Please enjoy the queue that I just filled for you!

[nerd-chocolate]

So guess who did the science kids angst headcanons!?! ME!! Also these will get sad and long so please don’t complain about it, I know. Also I hope you and @artzychic27 enjoy these! Have a fun read.

Marc Anciel:

When Marc broke up with Lucien and left vadiam, he hated himself for the longest time because he couldn’t see the signs that Lucien was giving during the time and couldn’t see it until it was too late. It led to him being treated like he was Lucien’s obedient pet and anyone that tried to help Marc got hurt by Lucien, physically and/or socially. Marc never wants anyone to control him again so they can’t hurt him or his loved ones.

Marc still has nightmares about him falling during the time he was reverser and getting deakumatized. But he keeps falling until he hits on a chair that is surrounded by darkness but a tv that has static on it. Until he finds a remote, push a button that says play. He sees Paris burning right in front of him. He is horrified by what they see but it gets worse when he flips off to Reverser and a reverse Nath, who clutches to Reverser with the look of a love-sick puppy while Reverser has his shoulder around him. It's just them sitting on Reverser’s glider, watching Paris burn. Until Reverser looks behind him, almost looking at Marc, and has a devious grin on his face. Reverser said “How does it feel to know you let your friends and family die…” then cracks his neck and out comes the tv “mÆ%r€£” in a democratic, glitchy voice and jumps out of the tv and towards him. Then Marc wakes up, happy it was all a dream but cries because he realized that it still could have happened if Ladybug wasn’t so lucky.

Marc is very passionate about his interests to the point that if he fails at any of them, he feels like a failure because it is something he loves, something he was good at, and the fact he failed at it especially when friends were counting on him to do it. Makes him have the worst feeling in the world.

Marc used to have a different journal from the one he currently uses. The journal was a sangria red hardcover that his moms gave to him for his birthday. He adored it and wrote many stories especially to read to Kiran. But the journal got destroyed by Lucien when Marc did something he didn’t like. The reason is that Marc was talking to his friends without Lucien’s permission. Lucien burned the journal in front of Marc and told him If he ever does something without Lucien’s permission, there will be consequences. It is one of many reasons Marc never spoke up to Lucien while they were dating.

Zoé Lee:

Zoé and her dad, Morgan, don’t have the strongest relationship. Sure it is better than hers and Audrey’s relationship but it doesn’t mean it is good. Morgan didn’t spend time with his daughter that much and was absent for most of it. Even if Zoé was bullied and had cockroaches in her locker, he wasn’t there. Morgan regrets it and wants to have a better relationship with his daughter especially when he didn’t even get to say goodbye to his daughter when she leaves for Paris.

Zoé and Jessica used to be friends until Zoé left her to meet her mother’s expectations and to avoid being bullied. Jess felt betrayed and hated her guts for the longest time. Until Zoé realizes this isn’t the person she wants to be and wants to amend their friendship with Jess. When Zoé reveals that she was a liar and the whole school turns on her, Jess protects her from them. When she asks why Jess did that, Jess says “It's because you're my best friend.” And hugs her back Zoé takes in the moment then cries and hugs them back.

While she was the popular mean girl of her boarding school, she had ‘friends’ but was a bit too generous of a word to describe them. They’re really bitch and super rude to Zoé most of the time but weren’t too much since they were scared of Zoé sometimes. To the point where the whole school including the ‘friends’ nickname her the ‘Apex Predator’ as a result of that. But when Zoé revealed she was a liar to the entire school, they used the fact that Zoé was still at school as revenge to the point where they put cockroaches in her locker. Zoé was a bit upset at first but got over it until the ‘friends’ started targeting Jess and Zoé got so mad that she almost sent all three to the hospital and got expelled from school … Yeah Zoé left that out of her backstory for a reason.

Zoé used to have a nanny that was super sweet to her and took care of her when her parents weren't around. Zoé saw her as a mother figure and loved her as such. The nanny even inspired Zoé to become an actress and to be the best she can be. But the nanny got fired by Audrey because Audrey thought she was a bad influence on Zoé. Zoé never saw her again and was heartbroken. Audrey told her that if she wasn’t being herself when she would never fired the nanny then.

Aurore Beauréal:

Aurore has some repressed anger issues since she was barely to show them to her parents at a very young age. So she doesn’t express them often, especially around her friends. But if someone harms her friends in any way, that anger will rise up and will fight for her friends.

Aurore didn’t have that many friends growing up since she was rumored to be just like Chloé. Many people just think of her as some Chloé since she looks a lot like her even though it is far from the truth. So she tries to make sure, she isn’t some mean girl to many people even though some people still think she is nothing but another Chloé.

Whenever Aurore sees blood, she covers her mouth and tries not to gag. Some kid pranked her one time by showing her some blood, and Aurore got very disgusted and fainted. She had nightmares for weeks because of it.

She is a people pleaser since she doesn’t want to disappoint anyone, especially to her friends. Even if it causes her a lot of pain physically or emotionally, she still does so the other person can be happy.

Mireille Caquet:

When Mireille was in the elevator during the events of stormy weather, she felt like she was going to freeze to death. She was all alone thinking she wasn’t going to survive. When everything was reset back to normal, the damage left Mireille having a fear of being cold.

She used to have a crush on Sabrina when she was friends with Sabrina. But when Sabrina abandoned her for Chloé, she didn’t have feelings for her anymore but a part still wonders what could have been.

Mireille doesn’t talk about her feelings that much since she doesn’t want to bother anyone with them. She is supposed to help them, not the other way around. She is a therapist friend, so who is going to help them if she can’t do it then.

Mireille is a people pleaser so people wouldn’t abandon her. So it means walking all over her most of the time especially when she was little but she doesn’t want to lose people especially if it is something she did. So she makes sure in her power not to create conflict with the person.

Jean Duparc:

Jean always wondered what his mom was like and what made her leave in the first place. The answer that they ended up thinking is that she left because of Jean and never wanted to be his mom.

Jean doesn’t show his magic skills to many people because he is afraid people would laugh at him. Like when he was little, he performed his magic act during a talent show and accidentally messed up the act making almost the entire audience including the adults laugh at him. It almost made him quit magic all together if it wasn't for his dad’s and Lacey's support and encouragement.

Then ever a person Jean likes rejects them, Jean is a bit sad about it but accepts it since he isn’t that special or that good to be honest. Jean understands that rejection is something that is natural even if the pain doesn’t stop hurting

Jean usually hides his negative emotions by acting like everything is okay. Like he said “If I just put on a happy face, then everything will be okay.” Since he doesn’t want people to know he is upset even if it causes him stress.

Simon O’Conner:

When he was still with his parents, they left the stove on while Simon was asleep. The fire from the stove got on some curtains and it almost made the whole apartment burn to ashes. Simon was lucky to get out of there before the fire would do some real damage. It is one of the moments that stuck with Simon even till this day. He still nightmares about where he is surrounded by fire and sees his parents, just staring at him and watching him burn.

Simon’s parents were alcoholic to say the least. They usually were never home and mostly used the money for alcohol or drugs. One of them even works for Austin B’s dad. Simon accidentally sees some papers relating to it and his dad got really mad at him. When his aunt heard about it, she wanted to beat his parents toa pulp. Luckily his parents got arrested for not only neglecting and hurting their son but also some crimes they committed.

During kindergarten, Chloé called Simon, carrot head. Simon didn’t know the reason until Chloé told him that people hate carrots and his parents hate him, so what the difference. Simon knew the insult is stupid but the reasoning behind it was so cruel even for Chloé.

Simon doesn’t really have a good sleeping schedule so he sleeps through some classes by accident sometimes. His aunt, Denise, Ms. Mendeleiev and his friends get really concerned and try to make sure he takes care of himself. Simon is working on it and is getting some good sleep some nights but still has trouble in others.

Reshma Laghari:

One time during a party, some guy tried to put the moves on her with some disgusting comments. Reshma told him to leave her alone at first but he kept pursuing her. Then she told him, she isn’t into guys and doesn’t even want to know him. The guy kept being creepy towards her until she told him to back off. The guy told her she was a bitch and left her alone for the whole night. Reshma felt so uncomfortable for the whole night and she asked her parents if they would leave the party. They left and her parents even told the parents of the boy that made her feel uncomfortable. One of the reasons, Reshma doesn’t like going to fancy parties.

Reshma used to have a friend named Eloise when she was in 6th grade, at her old middle school . Reshma and her were really close and was Reshma’s first friend. Reshma felt like she could trust her with all her heart so decided to come out to her. When Reshma came out to her, Eloise’s reaction was less than ideal than what Reshma expected. After that, Eloise avoided her like she was the plague. Reshma was pretty sad that Eloise was avoiding her. But things got worse, when rumors about Reshma started spreading like wildfire. So almost everyone either bullies her or avoid. Until Reshma learns that Eloise told the whole school, she was lesbian and demiromantic. When Reshma asks her why she did this, Eloise told her that she didn’t associate with someone like her.When her parents heard about it, they made sure that Elosie was in trouble not only with the school but her parents as well. Reshma felt a bit nervous of making friends after that event but luckily she never met another person like Eloise ever again and was happy because of it. Also she changed schools after the event and she and Ismael went to the same school again! Ismael also heard what Eloise did to Reshma and got revenge on her because Eloise is a bitch and Reshma didn’t deserve what Eloise did to her.

One time in the 2nd grade, Some kid put a rat in Reshma’s lunchbox for a cruel prank. When Reshma opens her lunch, she screams until she faints. Ever since that day, Reshma has been afraid of mice and rats, and faints whenever they’re around. Reshma still gets nightmares about mice surrounding her and hurting her.

Before the events of Hawkmoth, there was a costume contest that the school was holding for two weeks. Reshma was a bit nervous at first but with some encouragement from Ismael, she was in and worked hard. When it was ready to present their costumes, Reshma was about to put on her costume until she saw Chloé and Sabrina ruined her costume by using scissors to cut it up and pouring some brown and yellow paint on it. And when Reshma caught them in the act and told Mrs.Bustier and Mr.Damocles about it, they push her problems aside (because Mr. Damocles is afraid of the mayor and Mrs.Bustier well Mrs.Bustier) and told her that she was being a bit dramatic and there was nothing they could do. And when Reshma told Chloé that she is a heartless monster , Mrs.Bustier told her saying that could hurt Chloé’s feelings, and she should apologize to her. Reshma, not wanting to get in trouble, says she was sorry and ran off crying. Ismael comforts her by getting some ghibli & disney movies and getting Reshma’s comfort foods. Reshma felt a bit scared to show her designs in school at that event but got over that, thanks to some encouragement from her parents and friends.

Ismael Prisk :

When he was a little kid, Ismael’s mom left him home alone when he was really sick. When he tried to find her, the illness got the better of him and he passed out on the floor. When he woke up, he could hear his dad yelling at his mom for leaving their kid at home when he was very sick and needed someone to take care of him. His mom didn’t really care and said ‘she’ would've been fine. It is one of the first things that Ismael has noticed that his mother doesn’t care about him.

His dad gave him a magic kit for his eighth birthday. Ismael loved that kit and almost used it all the time. But when his mom found out about it, she destroyed it and threw it away. When Ismael went to confront her about it, his mom explained that it was useless and she didn’t want another of that around since she already had him. Ismael never forgot that day since it made him realize that he hated his mom.

Ismael doesn’t cry in front of others, especially the ones he cares about because he doesn’t want to bother them and rather just ignores them. Because last time he cried, he was met with malice from his teacher, who wasn’t the greatest teacher. He is doing a lot better of showing his emotions to others, thanks to his dad and friends but that doesn't mean he won’t try to hide them.

There are some days where Ismael thinks his dad deserves better than him. Even if Fazli says he is one of the best things to happen to him, Ismael still feels like his dad deserves way more. Because Alaya said if Ismael wasn’t born, maybe his dad would be happier. Ismael didn’t believe her at first but the thought does pop up once and again.

Lacey Greene :

Lacey’s parents died when she was in the sixth grade and her brothers were three years old. Her brothers don’t have that much memory because of that, so Lacey usually tells them stories about them. But the story ends with Lacey crying about it.

Lacey is afraid of needles because her parents are usually there with her. One of them would be holding her hand and telling her it alright and it would be all over soon. But now that they're gone, she alway gets anxious about what will happen and what is going to happen. So she doesn’t like going by herself and rather has someone go with her.

Lacey knows her grandparents are going to be gone someday and she is scared for that day. She feels like she isn’t ready to take care of her brothers alone and she doesn’t want to lose anyone she cares about. So even if it means overworking herself so be it as long it keeps her grandparents well rested and healthy. Luckily her family and friends make sure she doesn’t overwhelm herself.

Lacey fears that she’ll forget her parents and all the memories they made together before their death. So she writes all the memories in a journal to look back at if she feels like she is forgetting a memory of them. She even reads them to her little brother sometimes when they intersect.

Denise Cabello:

Denise and their twin sister, Cerise, don’t have the best relationship to say the least. The two used to be very close when they were little but grew distant to the point where they see each other as roommates if anything. Cerise would antagonize Denise when they get into a fight since Cerise sees Denise as the favorite child to their parents. Denise is trying to keep their sibling safe and keeping her out of trouble most of the time, which annoys them more than they like to admit. Cerise would be seen as a troublemaker and irresponsible while Denise a responsible and helpful kid to most people. But it doesn’t mean they hate each other, far from it. They deeply care for each other, they just have some issues they need to address and that's okay.

The reason Denise is afraid of slime is that Chloé poured some on them during school picture day in the 8th grade. And it was sticky green like mucus slime and it couldn’t come off for a week and Denise fainted from it. And the reason Chloe did it is that she is a petty bitch. Cerise and Simon comforted them and got revenge on Chloé because Chloé deserved it.

Denise never expressed their emotions that much since most of their life, people look to them for comfort. So they never really asked or looked for others for comfort and pushed down their feelings until they were alone. Even in their lowest state, Denise can’t express their feelings because they hold them in for so long that they know how to exactly. Nowadays, they are expressing their emotions a bit more clearly but there are still some slips up.

They’re afraid of getting an injury since they have to be strong to protect their friends and family. If they're hurt then who is going to protect them then. So Denise tried everything to be the strong one and not get hurt. Sure it lets them be tired most of the time but as long as their friends and family are safe that is all that matters.

Cosette Bellamy:

Cosette is afraid of people telling it that they love it because they could be tricking it. Last time, someone told them that a girl named Renée did it for fun and they got worms and dirt all over themself at an amusement park on Valentine's Day in the 6th grade. So whenever someone tells them those words, a side of them just feels like it's a trick and they shouldn’t get their hopes up since it's not like, someone would them… right?

As Cosette was growing up, their mother and siblings would undermine their self worth and make them feel useless. So Cosette thinks that she doesn’t matter and that she is better off not existing since her family doesn’t care about her then why would she care about herself. So whenever it gets told that it is great, Cosette would feel shocked to be honest.

Cosette used to look up to their siblings when they were little. It follows them around and tries to do the things they do even if it doesn't work out that well. But Yvette and Jordyn would take advantage of that and make fun of them because of it. As time goes on, their relationship is already damaged and can’t really be fixed with an apology since it left Cosette with a bad self esteem and self hatred.

When they’re in kindergarten, Cosette got paint dumped all over them on picture day and the teacher didn’t bother changing the picture with a retake one. When Cosette confronts the teacher, he says that it is better than the one that has their face since it isn't seen. That left with it feeling pretty terrible about its appearance.

[nei-ning]

Blasphemous 1 and 2

This post will be about my own opinions about Blasphemous 1 and 2. I will put B2 under the cut since I don't want to spoil anyone - just in case. NOTE: This post has mentions of blood, gore, horror etc!

I don't have Nintendo Switch, PS5 or PC to play the said game but my sister has Nintendo Switch so I was able to play Blasphemous 1 with her because of this and, boy, wasn't that game AMAZINGLY INSANE!

Like WOW! From the very first minutes I was consumed by horrible feelings! I was disturbed, feeling anxious, depressed, horrified, sick, disgusted etc. and I LOVED every single feeling! That game was doing it's job, ahah! No any other game EVER has deliver me such feelings so that says A LOT!

Blood, gore, violence, heavy theme through the whole game, a word "miracle" is NOT the same for me anymore either :'D It's ruined, ahah! Not to mention this monster boss, Ten Piedad (Have Mercy) and his theme! GOOD GOD! I loved him SO much but at the same time he freaked me out so much that I was scared to go outside during the dark, on this small forest road to leave food for wild hares and rabbits, ahaha! Again, this game and the Blasphemous team did their job! :D

I honestly loved everything in Blasphemous 1! There was NOTHING what I wouldn't had loved! But for here we get on Blasphemous 2.

It was HUGE disappointment after first 15 minutes or so. No, I haven't played it. I watched 10h long video on Youtube. I was around 3h and I was so done already, frustrated that I had 7h more to go :'D

But let me tell you why I was disappointed. Cut scene animations. Not done in pixel style but rather like anime. No. Those didn't fit in the game. They broke game's own flow so to say. Many people have complain about this. Lack of enemies. So MANY of the enemies were the same, used over and over again on different states, maybe changed some color or their element. This also leads on lack of executions. Just few different ones and that's it! Most enemies, as well as bosses, were too human like. No monsters like Ten Piedad in B1. People have complain about this too and I perfectly understand it.

No any of those horrible feelings what B1 delivered. Absolutely none. Music wasn't as good either (which made me sad). In B1 I loved almost all musics. I think there was only 1 which I didn't like. In Blasphemous 2: I only liked 6 songs. The areas / backgrounds also weren't as creepy, sickening or depressing as they were in B1.

I have been going through videos on Youtube about B2, reading peoples comments and many agree with me: B2 was disappointing. Some say that B2 was more like Castlevania and I agree on that. Of course there's those who also loved B2 and I get it too.

When Blasphemous team decided to put their resources on creating 3 different weapons, it ate a lot of resources which could had been used on enemies, executions, cutscene animations etc. and therefor the game suffers from it as I have listed above. I am not against having many different weapons as long as it won't make the game suffer otherwise. Sadly it did in this case.

Also the lack of gore, heavy theme and all that what B1 had... It was like Blasphemous' whole core, whole being. It was gone in B2. The game felt empty and boring. Some people agree with this.

I am happy there are people who also love B2 since, heck, we definitely want and need Blasphemous 3! I sent email to Blasphemous team, telling them my observation, feelings, comparing B1 and B2 etc. They kindly replied they will take my feedback seriously so I hope they would get back on B1 styled game and feeling with B3! But only time will tell ~

[ldfanfic05]

Stu Macher x Male! Reader (bonus ending)

“Now that the killers have been identified as Billy Loomis and Stu Macher, the town have finally felt safe and secure. But, when will the next killers strike? This is Gale Weathers reporting live! At the horrific crime scene of many deaths.” I turned off the Tv, my heart sank but also broke when I heard Stu’s name.

It was like he was still apart of me, y’know?.

Next minute you know, cameras were in your face as you were getting interviewed, asking about you and Sidneys part of the horrifying truth for their new movie “Stab”.

You tear up. “Could I have a moment please?” You ask the interviewer, your voice breaking because of the upcoming tears.

You walk outside and breathe in, your bottom lip guttering and hot tears burning your eyes and face, a migraine hitting you like a pile of bricks. You were sad but yet, so fucking angry.

“Y/N?”

You look to see officer Dewy Riley.

“Hm? Yeah...Yep, can I help you?” You said, wiping your tears.

“Um, the paparazzi, the interviewers? Yeah, they’re filming you right now...” Dewy said.

I turn my head to the distanced cameras and I sigh shakily. Covering my face by lowering my head. Dewy turned around and told the media to back off.

“I hate this...I hate the fact that the man I loved ended up being a cold blooded murderer...I fucking hate it..” I said, my voice breaking once more.

“Language...” Dewy said, acting like my father. How was he so strong, knowing that his sister got murdered?

“Yeah...Sorry...” I apologised and started to walk back inside, hundreds of cameras flashing and capturing pictures of me crying. Crowds yelling either questions or theories.

I slam the door and walk back into the room where me and Sidney got interviewed. “You okay?” Sidney asked. “I’m fine, it’s just the media...They’re all acting like this whole thing is some sort of sick joke...” I answered.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and saw Sidney’s reassuring smile. “We’ll be okay, it’s just for a few months then...Boom! Everything will be as normal as it used to...” Sidney said before the interview continued.

I smiled but then thought: “What if it doesn’t...?”

BOOM DONE I FORGOT ABT THIS DRAFT LMAOO

[variousqueerthings]

well

season 5 has been watched

an incredibly strong season, as youknow... basically every season of this ridiculous show

I think s3 broke me, because I was expecting something horrifying or bleak in the last episode and that’s not what happened at all here! it surprisingly made me feel more melancholy than if something dramatic had happened, like I was holding a lot of tension and it didn’t get the chance to go anywhere. also because it feels like we’re headed into a new era again, and there’s always a little goodbye when that happens, even if the goodbye has itself been very joyful

as far as I’m aware we’re now moving into the half of the show that was far more influenced by alan alda (not that he hadn’t been a strong creative and production presence before this of course) and that gives it a third “new” feeling from previous seasons

I know we’re still missing another (last?) piece of main cast that I think stays until the end? I know his name is “charles” and I know he’ll be arriving soon. I’m guessing in replacement of frank, whom I will wait to say more about until his farewell (which I guess isn’t happening offscreen? unless he’s just gone in s6ep1... sure hope not, he deserves a proper send-off + I don’t think larry linville did what wayne rogers did 😂)

it’s interesting because we’re almost at the halfway mark of the show overall and yeah I’ve been counting down the seasons, but because seasons 1-3 have been their own thing and seasons 4+5 have been their own thing, it’s felt less like a show with seasons and more like I’ve watched the prelude, and now the first act

there’s such a distinct change in the characters in 1-3 vs 4+5 (including of course two exchanges which will change up a dynamic significantly + two characters moved into main cast, and more of a sense of who the secondary and tertiary characters are)

so I wonder if 6-onwards will mark another change in how the characters are. margaret I think will continue to move dramatically, as I know she’s still going places, and I will continue to wax poetic about the joy I feel in seeing makers recognise character and actor potential and not stifling it!

Overall:

cautiously calling 1-3 the hopeful/innocent era, ending with loss

4+5 the grief and... recovery? era. the end of s5 is very different tonally from the beginning of s4 and like i said... it wasn’t sad (for anyone but frank)

i have a vague assumption on 6, that it will be more sombre. or not sombre but... serious, in a particular way, as if the last few seasons haven’t also been that, but I think overall more. it’s not based on much evidence -- it may also simply be the mood that I’m carrying into the next season with the scant knowledge I have of it

anyway. slow clap for seasons 4+5 (act 1), hello bj and colonel potter, well done margaret who’s the mvp of s5 and gets best punch of the show so far, big kisses to mulcahy, klinger, and radar - and hawkeye uh... hang in there buddy. unconnected, but I hope we see sidney freedman again

(and you know... like I said I’m going to wait until frank leaves to say anything longer, but I really have enjoyed his presence on the show, fascinated by his increased erratic behaviour in s5, kept expecting him to get a section 8 to be honest)

[freydheim]

1899, 1.05- "The Calling"

Well, I'm both really sad and sort of horrified. Also stunned? This is a wild show that's for sure, and I feel like it got far darker out of nowhere this time. I'm worried that this is my last time saying that Krester broke my heart, but he really did. Not only was his scene with Tove so eye opening, the promise he made for them to leave once they got to safety in America, but I really felt like he was starting to listen to her. "Killing" the Boy didn't do anything to ease the pain he felt over Ada's death, and I think he was beginning to see that he wasn't in the right place at all. But... then that ticking clock started. I was freaking out the whole time, and after Ying Li's mother started to leave, I got so worried about Krester, hoping he wouldn't be one of them, and then he stood and started walking. Thus began me chanting "stop him stop him stop him stop him" at my laptop, hoping his father would succeed in that, only for Krester to ultimately jump. And that was when I cried. I don't trust deaths on this show, though, so I don't trust that he's dead-dead until it's all said and done. If he comes back, I won't be surprised. And... let's be real, that's what I'm hoping for- enough people died that this feels sort of Infinity War-ish, and I'm not sold that they'll leave them all dead.

I am curious how Ángel will respond to Krester's presumed death. He was definitely really shut down while the jumping was happening, and Ramiro... Ramiro's so good, I love him. He's so sweet for how he took care of Ángel when he found him, but Ángel clearly did really have some sort of feelings for Krester, so seeing what that does to him will just be really interesting I think. I'm also wondering how Krester's death may change Ángel and Ramiro's relationship? Ramiro seems prepared to reconcile in the face of all that death, likely considering it worthless to stay angry when so many people are dying. But, as much comfort as Ramiro provided Ángel in that moment, he cared about Krester, and Krester is dead. Will he want to reconcile knowing it could easily be Ramiro next? Is that a risk he'll want to take? I'm so torn on this, because I love it when couples work through things, but also, Ángel was pretty terrible to Ramiro- I think if he puts in the work and doesn't just sweep the things he said and did to him under the rug, I'll be happy, but I need to see that first before I can really support that couple.

However, I am again being pulled back into liking Lucien and Clémence together. I can definitely tell now that he loves her, and I am so ridiculously curious why she married him if she didn't love him. Clearly she has feelings for Jérôme, who really came through for her and protected her and Lucien from the call, but what is the connection there and what is the connection between her and Lucien? I don't have terribly much to say about them for this episode, other than wondering what sort of conclusion they're headed for between the three of them, and worrying a bit that either Lucien or Jérôme will die so that Clémence won't have to choose between them? I don't know. I'd like for no one else to die after what happened with the call, but I am too used to these sorts of shows to think that that's at all plausible.

So, the big mystery- and also digging into Maura's history. I'm feeling really solid in my theory that Daniel is her husband now and that the Boy is her son. Somehow, I think her father created an experiment on the Prometheus, which she was a part of, and he's now repeating the experiment on the Kerberus- hence the reveal at the end of "Project Kerberus". The Boy and Daniel said they hadn't gotten this far before, and I noticed that the Boy was trapped in the cupboard on the Kerberus in exactly the same way as they found him on the Prometheus, and he got locked up right before the call went out. Was that the last thing which happened during Project Prometheus, and now they've somehow gotten further than that in trying to break out of the experiment? I have no idea, but I like to think I'm figuring something out. Only way to find out, though, will be to watch some more!