#i was in one of the most tumultuous periods of my life when i discovered his music and he means so much to me

[deusexlachina]

Cheeseaged Exocolonist Age 13: Forget my dad's love because it's suboptimal

In which I get a little ruthless with deckbuilding, I save my friend's pet, and decide that puberty is a skill issue.

With the ability to forget cards as soon as I get them, I can level much more freely. The outside is finally safe (from ruining my build).

My dad thanks me for saving his life with my research. He gives me the memory "Dad's Love." I forget this card as soon as I get it, because Dad's Love is suboptimal.

This stage of the game is dominated by a pair of disasters: the Shimmer plague and the famine. Or, it would be, if I hadn't already cured the Shimmer and prevented the loss of our crops in the intro. For good measure, I also warned dad about pixie beans, aka the devil's legumes, so we didn't devote all our fields to a crop that makes all the kids go crazy, hurting our food supply. Once again, I have saved everyone before they are even aware of a problem.

Unfortunately, the absence of either pixie beans or the famine also means there's not a lot going on around this stage of the game.

Emotionally, however, this is a tumultuous year, because that's when all my friends enter puberty. I decide that's a skill issue and unilaterally refuse to develop sexual characteristics. I have no idea what this entails. Someday, I will work up the courage to ask the writers what they meant here.

Whatever you select here, you will get a corresponding cutscene. The writers went out of their way to make this as embarrassing for you as possible, and they succeeded. If you menstruate, you'll get your first period. If you can ejaculate, you'll have a wet dream. What happens if you can't do either? You just get really angry and yell at your parents. Puberty reduced down to its bare essential.

The big deadline is Socks. I have to find Cal's pet food by the end of this year. Actually finding the food is the easy part. The hard part is discovering that Socks exists. You only discover Socks after doing Geoponics jobs, most of which are really suboptimal. I end up shovelling dirt just because I'm short on time, but I'm not happy about it. You ever heard phrases like "it sure beats digging dirt?" This is what is getting beaten. The pay is horrible and the only stat it raises is Toughness, which is kind of bad. I would rather do literally any other job. Finally, I discover Socks and find it some food.

Socks is a lot of trouble on any run, and it will continue to be trouble in this one.

[mxrsmordre]

Lily Evans

hey isn’t that Lily Evans? I’ve heard that the 23 year old witch can be be kind of obstinate and brazen…. but that might not be true because I also heard the Muggleborn can be quite charismatic and compassionate. One of my muggleborn friends thought they were Kennedy McMann, but I have no idea who that is.

Ex Hogwarts House: Gryffindor Loyalty: Order of the Phoenix Gender Identity and Pronouns: Cisfemale, she/her Sexuality: Demisexual Changes to Canon: n/a

What four songs would be a must in your characters playlist?

Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles

Raging on a Sunday by Bohnes

711 by Emei

Body Bag by Neoni

Biography As a child, she was filled with wonder at each new day for each new day answered one curiosity and brought a hundred more in its place. her eyes would widen almost comically when she discovered something not easily explained or something she was not ready to understand. not all discoveries were great — both in the sense of size and meaning. finding out her mother had been santa claus all along was meaningful for a brief period in her life. but it also meant her mother loved her enough to let her believe in magic just a little bit longer before age and the loss of wonder would inevitably catch up with her. her elder sister calling her a freak for the first time seemed like such a small thing at the time — just a bit of name calling between siblings who spent too much time together — but was instead a cruel beginning to a tumultuous relationship with someone that she had always assumed would be there for her. even that could not kill her thirst for life and all the adventures it would bring. most discoveries were great ones, ones that filled her imagination to the brim with the many possibilities of life. but every child must grow up and discover for themself that the magic they had clung to as children was gone forever and replaced with the monotony of adult life. but for a lucky few, this moment never comes. lily evans was one of the few.  for much of her life, lily has heard the same few words used to describe her. passionate, charming, intelligent, and above all, kind. she has a heart full of fire, offering warmth to those close to her and scorching remarks to those in the wrong. she wasn’t perfect by any means, of course; she was the first to admit that. she wasn’t one to shy from confrontation, especially if another was being wronged. of course, that meant she probably inserted herself into situations when she shouldn’t, but lily was never one to let a perceived bully win. she was stubborn as a mule, as her father always told her, but she wasn’t completely unwilling to change. she’s never struggled to forgive another, but she never forgets what they’ve done to her. but she was so full of life, always wanting to reach higher and higher for whatever was just out of reach. independence almost seemed strange to lily. leaving hogwarts and losing her parents so close to her own entry into the adult world along with the rise of someone who would threaten the entire world truly shaped the way lily began to view the world. she optimistic, but not naive about what was going on in the world. as a child, she had always been told that good always triumphed over evil in the end. as a teenager, she learned that while good may win, there will always be losses. and now? well, things have certainly changed. lily had always been convinced in happy endings, had known everything would be okay in the end. but now it feels like they are approaching the end of the story, and there’s no happy ending in sight.

Headcanons:

Lily got a cat shortly before her sixth year at Hogwarts. It was a small thing, the runt of the litter, but she fell in love anyways. It wasn’t supposed to survive, but she recognized the determination and will to live and bottle fed him until he was healthy. She named him Apollo, but calls him Paul and brought him back to Hogwarts with her, calling him her good luck charm. She's had him ever since.

While she is working with the Order, she is also in training to become a Healer at St. Mungo's.

Her parents died during her seventh year at Hogwarts in a car accident. Something so mundane when the world was filled with magic was something that never quite made sense to her. She threw herself into her studies afterwards as a way to cope.

Lily’s favorite band is and has always been The Beatles mainly due to her parents. They'd always play old records while making Sunday morning breakfast, and laugh while dancing around the kitchen. After her parent's deaths, she inherited that record player and od records, and they never fail to cheer her up. Some of her favorite memories include The Beatles playing in the background.

Lily's boggart has changed over the course of her life. When she was a child, it would have taken the form of the boogeyman her father told her stories about. While she was in Hogwarts, it took the form of Petunia turning her back on her. However after leaving Hogwarts and seeing the direction the wizarding world may be heading, when people actually started dying, it took the form of her loved ones perishing while she stood by and watched.

ooc: Ali / 32 / she/her / est

[heliianth]

Helii post night fury headcannons. Do this do this do this

ok ok ok ok ok so ok so. this is long im sorry

lets get basics out of the way b4 i move onto stupid brainchild stuff. night furies are highly adapted to be nocturnal and thus are very vulnerable during the day considering their lack of heavy plated scales and their dark coloration. annd we know they at least live north enough for berk (which is apparently somewhere in the norwegian sea) . so my brain tells me in order to be Least vulnerable, night furies are native to the arctic circle (or antarctic if ur a light fury) where day/night cycles are in periods of 6-ish months.

theyre kinda a mix of snow leopards and peregrine falcons in my head and eat the same stuff (wild goats or sheep, reindeer, birds, rodents) and ofc fish But are capable of being omnivorous and arent at all picky. theyre highly solitary; each one has a huge territory they use as "home base" and occasionally fly out of to hunt (sometimes flocks of night furies will gather in one location to follow migrating prey species but this usually leads to conflict). theyll generally live in and defend the boundaries of their territory for their entire life once its chosen, especially once the 6-month daytime rolls around and they need a secure area.

BUT. juveniles, bc theyre not strong/experienced enough to defend or contest territories, tend to be annually migratory and move south once the sun rises in march. night fury kit markings are super bright and once theyve faded into a dark grey color (~10 human years) theyre generally old enough to go back and contest for a territory then defend it well (toothless got caught by the red death doing this)

bc i consider most of the dragon species in httyd sapient i like to explain this instinctual behavior by giving night furies their own sort of mythology which is a Whole thing so like buckle in (its under the cut)

night furies dont have a Religion but they have myths based on figures. they have 2 main ones—the Great Mother and the Blue Queen, which respectively represent nighttime and daytime as concepts

the story is basically: night furies used to be able to call down skyfire (or lightning). the Blue Queen, jealous because she had no fire, began to use her authority to demand all the night furies hand over their skyfire, and consumed it for herself. the Great Mother was the only night fury which was brave enough to disobey and discovered a way to hide the skyfire within their bodies so they could pretend to not have any. when the Blue Queen found out about her trick, they started an endless battle. this ofc is the day/night cycle, where the occasionally red coloration of dawn/dusk is their blood. the idea is that the Great Mother shelters all of the night furies with her giant wings to hide them from the Blue Queens eye (the sun). the stars are holes in her wings that came from subsequent battles and are heavily used to navigate like humans do. northern night furies call polaris the Pierced Point and its considered the first star, where the Blue Queen drew first blood by striking the Great Mother in her fire cavity, which is why its the brightest star. a bunch of different stars and constellations have their own stories (the names are usually unified, though sometimes the content of the stories differ based on region. they all convey some type of lesson or explanation for an instinct)

night fury parents often explain to their kits, once they leave the nest, that they have to migrate because the Blue Queen will stop them from growing their fire if they stay up north, and by following the Great Mother south where their fight is more tumultuous (bc the day/night cycle is more regular), theyre helping her by learning to fend for themselves without a territory so she can focus on the battle with the Blue Queen. its like telling your kid santa is real, its a kinder way to get them to gtfo so they wont die trying to fuck with older night furies. some kits grow out of this belief entirely and others consider it kind of a pilgrimage. depends on the family

this is why night furies are so resistant to reliance and hierarchy: the antagonistic figure in their myths is a Queen who abuses her power and the right way to honor their protective figure is by learning to be independent. culturally night furies kind of have this complex abt them where vulnerability of any kind is Really emotionally intimate (which is why i hc that meeting and choosing mates can take for-fucking-ever. night furies prefer monogamy bc its less people to be vulnerable with, but theyre also picky because this is a huuuge thing for them).

u can kinda imagine how weird toothless is by general night fury standards then bc he willingly flies during the sun and chooses to be interdependent with hiccup. he had a whole crisis abt it in the first movie and before he really accepted loving hiccup he rationalized the position he was in by saying that the Great Mother was putting him on trial for hurting her somehow. obv by the end of the movie he doesnt think that anymore but for a little bit there he was like "oh god im the main character in a constellation story"

anyway yeah these r all my thoughts ^-^ hi oracle ily

[pusha-t2024]

Songs About Dreams

Dreams have always been a source of inspiration for musicians. They can be enigmatic, hopeful, or even haunting, and often serve as a gateway to deeper emotions and thoughts. For music enthusiasts, songs about dreams can provide a profound connection to the artist's inner world, as well as to our own. This blog post celebrates some of the best songs about dreams, each capturing a unique perspective on this universal theme. Whether you're seeking solace, motivation, or simply a beautiful melody, these songs are bound to resonate with you. Read on to discover 11 unforgettable songs about dreams that you won't want to miss.

My company

1. Dreams by Fleetwood Mac

Released in 1977, "Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac is a timeless classic. Written by Stevie Nicks during a tumultuous period in the band's history, the song reflects on broken relationships and the hope for better days. The ethereal quality of Nicks's voice combined with the band's harmonious sound creates an almost dreamlike experience for the listener. Despite its melancholic undertones, the song remains uplifting and full of optimism.

Released: 1977

Genre: Rock

Mood: Reflective

Key Lyric: "Thunder only happens when it's raining. Players only love you when they're playing."

2. Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) by Eurythmics

"Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" was released in 1983 and quickly became a defining song for the Eurythmics. Written by Annie Lennox and David A. Stewart, the song explores themes of ambition and the pursuit of satisfaction. The electro-pop beat and Lennox's haunting vocals create a compelling contrast that has kept the song relevant for decades. It's a reminder that dreams can be both sweet and challenging.

Released: 1983

Genre: Synth-Pop

Mood: Haunting

Key Lyric: "Sweet dreams are made of this. Who am I to disagree?"

3. Daydream Believer by The Monkees

Released in 1967, "Daydream Believer" by The Monkees is a cheerful tune that became one of their biggest hits. Written by John Stewart, the song captures the whimsical feeling of daydreaming and the joy it can bring. The upbeat melody and lighthearted lyrics make it a feel-good anthem that will put a smile on your face. It's a celebration of the small moments that make life special.

Released: 1967

Genre: Pop Rock

Mood: Joyful

Key Lyric: "Cheer up, sleepy Jean. Oh, what can it mean to a daydream believer and a homecoming queen?"

4. Dream On by Aerosmith

"Dream On," released in 1973, is one of Aerosmith's most iconic songs. Written by lead singer Steven Tyler, the song is a powerful ballad about holding onto one's dreams despite life's challenges. The raw emotion in Tyler's voice and the soaring guitar riffs make this song a timeless anthem for dreamers everywhere. Its message is clear: never stop dreaming.

Released: 1973

Genre: Hard Rock

Mood: Inspirational

Key Lyric: "Dream on, dream on, dream until your dreams come true."

5. California Dreamin' by The Mamas & The Papas

Released in 1965, "California Dreamin'" by The Mamas & The Papas is a classic song that captures the longing for a better place. Written by John and Michelle Phillips while living in New York City, the song expresses their desire to return to the warm, sunny climate of California. The haunting harmonies and melodic flute solo create a poignant and nostalgic feel. It's a song that resonates with anyone who has ever dreamed of escaping to a better place.

Released: 1965

Genre: Folk Rock

Mood: Nostalgic

Key Lyric: "All the leaves are brown, and the sky is gray. I've been for a walk on a winter's day."

6. Dreaming of You by Selena

"Dreaming of You," released posthumously in 1995, is one of Selena's most beloved songs. Written by Franne Golde and Tom Snow, the song is a beautiful ballad about longing and unfulfilled love. Selena's emotive voice and the gentle melody create a dreamy atmosphere that tugs at the heartstrings. It's a poignant reminder of the power of dreams and the emotions they evoke.

Released: 1995

Genre: Pop

Mood: Emotional

Key Lyric: "I'm dreaming of you tonight, 'til tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight."

7. Don't Dream It's Over by Crowded House

Released in 1986, "Don't Dream It's Over" by Crowded House is a song about perseverance and hope. Written by Neil Finn, the song encourages listeners to keep going despite the obstacles they may face. The soothing melody and heartfelt lyrics make it an uplifting anthem for anyone facing challenges. It's a reminder that as long as we keep dreaming, there's always hope.

Released: 1986

Genre: Rock

Mood: Hopeful

Key Lyric: "Hey now, hey now, don't dream it's over. Hey now, hey now, when the world comes in."

8. In Dreams by Roy Orbison

"In Dreams," released in 1963, is one of Roy Orbison's most hauntingly beautiful songs. Written by Orbison himself, the song describes a world where dreams feel more real than reality. The ethereal quality of Orbison's voice and the melancholic melody create a dreamlike experience for the listener. It's a song that captures the magic and mystery of dreams.

Released: 1963

Genre: Pop Rock

Mood: Melancholic

Key Lyric: "In dreams, I walk with you. In dreams, I talk to you."

9. I Have a Dream by ABBA

Released in 1979, "I Have a Dream" by ABBA is an inspirational song about hope and faith. Written by Benny Andersson and Björn Ulvaeus, the song encourages listeners to hold onto their dreams and believe in a brighter future. The uplifting melody and harmonious vocals make it a feel-good anthem that inspires positivity. It's a reminder that dreams can guide us through difficult times.

Released: 1979

Genre: Pop

Mood: Inspirational

Key Lyric: "I have a dream, a song to sing. To help me cope with anything."

10. Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day

"Boulevard of Broken Dreams," released in 2004, is one of Green Day's most powerful songs. Written by Billie Joe Armstrong, the song reflects on feelings of loneliness and the struggle to find one's path. The gritty vocals and poignant lyrics create a raw and emotional experience for the listener. It's a song that resonates with anyone who has faced obstacles on their journey.

Released: 2004

Genre: Alternative Rock

Mood: Reflective

Key Lyric: "I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known."

11. Dreams by The Cranberries

Released in 1993, "Dreams" by The Cranberries is a song about the excitement and wonder of new love. Written by lead singer Dolores O'Riordan, the song captures the feeling of being swept up in a dream. The ethereal vocals and dreamy melody create a sense of euphoria that is both uplifting and enchanting. It's a song that celebrates the magic of dreams and the joy they bring to our lives.

Released: 1993

Genre: Alternative Rock

Mood: Euphoric

Key Lyric: "Oh, my life is changing every day, in every possible way."

Conclusion

Songs about dreams have a unique ability to connect us to our deepest emotions and aspirations. They remind us of the power of dreams and the importance of holding onto them, no matter what challenges we face. Whether you're looking for inspiration, solace, or simply a beautiful melody, these 11 songs offer something special for every music enthusiast. Take a moment to listen, reflect, and let these dream melodies transport you to a world of possibilities. And remember, every great dream begins with a single step - so keep dreaming and exploring the magic of music.

[tosin-talks]

Tosin Talks about looking back and moving forward

This past year simultaneously flew by and lasted too long. I have an immense amount of gratitude concerning every emotion and event that I experienced in 2023. I’m glad to have experienced a wide array of feelings and states of mind such as disappointment, loneliness, contentment, bliss, ennui, confusion, confidence, appreciation, and many more. I am thankful to all the reminders that I am human, for better or for worse.

One of the greatest lessons I learned over these last 12 months in addition to the last 24 years of my life is how resilient my mind and heart are. My mind can undergo pain—trivial or tumultuous—but it can and will heal. My heart can be poked at or violently pulled in various directions but it can never be destroyed and the love I have for the world and its inhabitants will remain. I admire the perseverance and efforts of these organs. Despite all the horrors that they have witnessed, both still work their hardest everyday to keep me alive and well. I’m grateful to your hearts and minds as well for trying even when living seems like an overwhelming chore. 

The importance of community was greatly emphasized this past year. The idea of showing up for others and being grateful to those who show up for you presented itself to me in various ways. As a counselor-in-training, I’ve learned just how impactful it is to sit with someone as they process emotions. Sometimes bearing witness to what one may be going through is enough. Many around the world, notably those in nations such as Palestine, Congo, and Sudan, are experiencing inhumane treatment and suffering—it is so crucial for those in positions of privilege to speak up for the voices that aren’t being heard. I believe that we hold the responsibility of caring for and helping each other in ways that are in our individual power. Society is experiencing a loneliness epidemic (this might be an after effect of the ongoing COVID pandemic), we need to collaborate with one another to combat this issue. Individualism will not save us so community is important now more than ever.  

I believe that the most important lesson I was taught this past year was to exhibit unwavering authenticity. Being genuine to myself, to my beliefs and morals, and to the world became my top priority. There came a period during the year when I realized that I was feeling so down and despondent because I was struggling with being myself. I decided to step away from everyone else and discover who I am in this moment of time and love her so much that I refuse to hide her. The woman that I have become and the impact that she has made has been the most rewarding piece of 2023. I’m hoping that as I meet new parts of myself and evolve in my many identities that I don't lose who I am at my core.

Time is real but it isn’t real…obviously, since I’m sharing this halfway through January and haven’t written a blogpost since July 2023. It’s no biggie though, the writing is done on its own time. The concept of a new year is a social construct so don’t feel pressured to transform during this first month. Give yourself grace as you continue life at your own pace. 

I’m wishing you all a year of joy, abundance, love, and success!

Background music by jeongsin

[independentartistbuzz]

Indie 5-0: 5QS with Lost & Profound

Lost & Profound, the esteemed indie-folk duo hailing from Toronto, discovered a wellspring of creative inspiration in the serene landscapes of New Brunswick, Canada, where they sought refuge during the tumultuous period of the pandemic. Despite grappling with interpersonal challenges that prompted a hiatus in music releases since 2015, vocalist Lisa Boudreau and songwriter/guitarist Terry Tompkins successfully reignited their collaborative spark.

Their latest single, "Comet," serves as a triumphant comeback after an eight-year hiatus, seamlessly fusing vibrant indie-folk with eclectic influences spanning dream pop to psych-rock. This track, skilfully mixed and co-produced by their son Jody Tompkins, signifies a creative renaissance for the couple.

With Terry's Emmy-winning background in film and TV composition and Lisa's distinguished role as a sought-after voice actor and singer, Lost & Profound, boasting nearly three decades of musical journey, is poised to unveil a series of new singles and a forthcoming album. The family connection takes center stage, as Jody emerges as a significant influence in revitalizing the band's artistic spirit. The duo's resilience and dedication shine through, offering a promising glimpse into the continued evolution of their sound and the rich tapestry of their collective musical experience. Fans of Lost & Profound and indie-folk enthusiasts alike eagerly await the upcoming releases, anticipating a captivating fusion of experience, emotion, and musical innovation.

We caught up with Lost & Profound for an exclusive interview below.

1. Congratulations on your new release of “Comet”!

What does it mean for you to be releasing music again and specifically this new track? 

As the pandemic hit we continued to write and record, and made the decision to move to a remote area in New  Brunswick. After such a long creative hiatus, we decided that we had many songs we were proud of. Also, we were pretty sure we had hit on a different creative direction… one that truly spoke to our awe for nature, the beauty of life, and the oneness of existence.  So when we began recording “Comet,” we knew it represented this new spiritual view of existence and we knew this was a song we needed to release into the world.

2. Could you share about your creative process together? Who are you most inspired by creatively? 

[Terry] As my life partner, Lisa is such a great singer, that when I have a song that I feel she’ll love, I play it for her. If she reacts positively we usually record the song. Lisa has a great understanding of what makes a song special, so I always feel that if Lisa loves a song, I’ve done my job.  And what a gift as a songwriter to have a chanteuse who brings the emotion to the song. Our creative inspirations are quite varied. We both loved Punk. We both love The Beatles, Dylan, Dolly Parton, Emmylou,  Syd Barrett, Psychedelia, Folk, Bluegrass, Country, Hip Hop, Shoegaze, you name it. And I believe that’s why each of our albums has a very different feel. Because we’re able to draw on so much genius.

3. You have been making music for a while and your career has spanned many eras of your life. How did you land on this current sound, particularly with Comet and the new music you have coming in 2024? 

Lately, we’ve been listening to music that is much more atmospheric and is inspired by dream pop and bands like Sigur Ros. So that vibe is taking us to new places. Places that are perfect for my melancholy and Lisa’s vocal style. 

4. Your journey of moving out to New Brunswick and being in a more remote location is such an inspiring story — how does being surrounded by nature influence your music?

Moving to New Brunswick has changed us in so many ways. The quiet and the wildlife that is at our front door is spectacular every day. For instance there is an eagle’s nest across the river from us and eagles stay in the same nest for their entire lifespan. We get to witness new generations of this family of eagles every season. Being in nature is so grounding and as close as you can be to the divine. 

5. What are you most looking forward to in the new year with your music, and what can fans look forward to? 

We love the idea of releasing a song at a time. We have so many great songs in our back pocket, and it’s very exciting. We want to go back to that era when artists released one song at a time. There’s a continuity to that process.

Lost & Profound's brand new single called “Comet,” is out now.

Keep up to date with Lost & Profound on their social media channels Facebook and Instagram.

Stream music on Spotify.

[danadriel]

"Our journey in the so called fertile plains weren't exactly what I expected, we arrived during a quite tumultuous time were multiple factions are trying to conquer the Neo-Beletiahn territories, making this "verdant" place remarkably violent, after leaving the capital we got ambushed at least 7 times by the Remnant Legion, these cowards don't have the fiber to assault us head on so they try to bleed us,attacking us and fleeing everyday in the hopes of a victory by attrition… although utterly coward this tactic it was working, we lost several of our crew members , and many became too wounded and sick to fight as the days passed, we only survived by sheer luck,days later we stumbled upon a large settlement in the border, with hangar bays big enough for our ship,this safe haven gave us the opportunity to lick our wounds and weld our steel,after several days evaluating the damages on our ship me and Quartermaster Tareek concluded that the repair costs would be immense, and the worst part is that in this territory,people don't use any form of formal currency, so we would have to bargain for everything!at this point we had two options, scrap the ship disband the crew and adventure is over, or work for the townsfolk until we can repair our vessel,surprisingly everyone in our crew voted to do whatever we can to repair the Dawnstrider, so we took jobs all over the place to get resources, Tareek bartered our excess loot, Zagor and Danadriel sold their mercenary services, I repaired all sorts of old machines in the port and so on.

Our cooperative work worked marvelously, and bit by bit the ship was being repaired and even upgrade in some places… but I cant deny that this period was remarkably boring, after months of exploration, fights and deadly pursuits in the desert, the idea of spending all day repairing old engines on a pier gets considerably less interesting, I tried to find other ways to distract me during my mundane work, eventually I began to observe the life of people who inhabit the port surroundings,I not proud of being a pigeon eye, but the daily occurrences of a large port are undeniably endearing, how many fights, dramas, accidents I witnessed, but the weirdest of ocurrencies I witnessed was involving a notorious member of our crew, there was a large tavern by the side of our dock, it was ran by Lady Felishia the matriarch of a huge family a lovely woman, Danadriel used to frequent this tavern to read cards for patrons and enjoy some beer mugs, one night I particular I saw Danadriel and Lady Felishia kissing in the alley on the side of the tavern, she had an eerie yellow glow in her eyes, it startled me!

I don't usually worry about the romantic life other crew members but that was odd, I would expect it from Tareek, not Danadriel, contrary to what his appearance may suggest Danadriel is not a seductive type of person, its rare to see he even interacting with people in our own crew let alone outsiders, even when doing his readings he speaks as little as possible, and not just that he also has an supernatural aura that chills the spine of most, not an approachable type by any means…after that I decided to keep one eye on him, as the weeks passed they kept meeting, and after that more and more ladies were involved, all of them when approaching him got that strange yellow glow in their eyes, they were all meeting in a back room in the tavern, curiosity overtook my better judgment and I sneaked in to discover more, I've never been a master spy in my youth and ever worse now that I'm fat and old, but I managed to find a good spot to observe.Once inside I was already expecting to see some sort of obscenity but what I saw surprised me even more, they were indeed having a unholy carnal meeting but not in a way I expected, Danadriel was mating with those women in some ritualistic way, while he penetrated one all the others sung some sort of chant while holding hands, after mating with all of them they all hugged and prayed together, definitively not the usual infidelity case…

In the following months they met almost regularly, and with shame I admit I watched their meetings as much as I could, as expected all of those women began to show clear signs of pregnancy, during the day I saw the many interactions of that neighborhood, everyone was so gleefully congratulating the expecting mothers, but they had no idea of the full story, they were all married woman and no one other than me knew the truth!? during their night meetings they spoke a lot and they all sounded so proud of their infidelity, at first it revolted me…but after that it began to evoke some obscene desires in my mind, and even paranoia, what was my wife doing while I was spending my night spying on Danadriel!? part of me wished to run back to the ship and check on her, but my voyeuristic adventure hooked me way too much at this point.

One night in particular I was on my usual spying spot expecting Danadriel to leave the ship for another night with his breeding cult, but I was surprised by him whispering in my ear "I know you have been watching me doctor, and I don't like it very much…" my blood froze, I stood quiet until I could recompose myself, then I turned to him and said "Yes Danadriel, I know all about your night escapades, Ive been watching you, and I'm worrying about your intentions, what sort of otherworldly witchcraft you did with those ladies!?" In that moment I was genuinely fearing for my life, Danadriel is impulsive and quick to anger, I've seen he kill other crewmates for way less than it so I was already discreetly trying to reach my revolver as I spoke, but then he calmly replied:

If you so concerned why didn't you told anyone? you could ratted me months ago, but instead you just kept spying on me and watching the show…

I'm not the one in the wrong here! you are the one lying with married women.

Yeah…and you are the weirdo in the corner watching everything while rubbing your rod…

Thats…that's preposterous! a-and also irrelevant!

Cut me a slack doctor… I'm thankful you didn't ratted me to our captain, so I will not ratt you to your wife, and also I will let you watch us again, I can even arrange a little pillow so you can sit and watch with some comfort.

Are you trying to bribe me with such obscene offer!?

Yes…and please be honest you want it…

I would never agree with such vile and….y-yes I want, we have a deal…but at least tell me, what are you actually doing to them? are those mothers going be fine?

Yes they will, don't worry, I'm not doing anything nefarious, I just nesting a little, having fun, cuddles and making babies….

With our obscene deal sealed the routine continued, but now I was allowed to watch from a more comfortable position, without the worry of being sneaky I could pay more attention to what was happening and my own reactions to it, at first glance I imagined Danadriel had some grand and horrifying plan with those women, but now I don't think he has a real conscious purpose, he just finds pleasure in the idea of spreading his seed…his corruption… but I still don't comprehend the supernatural method behind it so I will not vow for his innocence yet.at first I thought I was just aroused by their sexual activities, but now I know I envy way more their passionate caresses, they nest on each other like a litter of cubs, Danadriel is always cuddling them in such a passionate and tender way…something I'm not having with my wife for quite a while, we may have survived the end of the world but our flame is definetively dwindling.

After months of work our ship has finally fixed, supplied and ready to depart, I was longing for the road and now we were back in to action, the last meet of Danadriel's small cult was so heartbreaking, we clearly would never return to that town, so he was saying his last goodbyes and blessing his ladies, I wish I had some way to record that moment, I never seen such touching and sincere combination of words, it was better than any romantic movie I had seen in the old Valencii cinemas.

By the morning we were already crossing the desert at full sail, as usual me and Danadriel were in the the upper deck with Captain Clutch assisting in navigation, when my wife came to talk to me , she was in such a good mood and eager to discuss ome projects she had in mind, while we talked , Danadriel sneaked behind her and discretly sniffed her neck, I was outraged by that , by I waited for her to leave to insult him, but before I could say anything he looked at me with a worried face and said "Doctor I dont want to raise alarm but…I think another bird laid an egg on your nest." took me few seconds to get what he was saying…I think perhaps its time to put my questionable spying skills to work again…this time with my wife." (Doctor Kalgory)

omg romance and drama in the sand boat! D8

ok if the next chapters of this sound goofy as fuck it's because i'm not a writer for love stories XD

[diegoshargrieves]

Okay but who's your fav member of MCR

ok know this is a basic answer but none other than the magic man himself mister gerard way :)

[diwatera]

LGBTQ+ Movies I Watched Recently (Part 2)

Happiest Season (2020) dir. Clea DuVall

Short Summary: Abby plans on proposing to Harper when they visit Harper’s family for the holidays. Her plans get derailed when she learns that Harper hasn’t come out to her family yet.

Why you should watch it: Not gonna lie, Mackenzie Davis drew me to this movie; I’ve been in love with her ever since San Junipero came out. Add Kristen Stewart, Aubrey Plaza and Dan Levy to the mix and I’m sold. If you want a sapphic romance with a happy ending, this one’s for you. 

Été 85 (2020) dir.  François Ozon

Short Summary: Alexis recounts his six-week love affair with David during the summer of ‘85. 

Why you should watch it: If you love 80s aesthetic and music, you definitely should watch this. The movie made me nostalgic of that decade and I wasn’t even alive back then! It’s a whirlwind summer romance reminiscent of Call Me by Your Name but with a more devastating twist.

Getting Go: The Go Doc Project (2013) dir. Cory James Krueckeberg

Short Summary: An obsessed college boy pursues his internet crush through the pretext of making a documentary about him.

Why you should watch it: The script and the acting are the one-two punch of this film. The writing is incredibly genuine, and both of the actors’ performances made the lines feel even more natural. I’m not the biggest fan of mockumentary-style films, but this one felt like it was a recording of my own life. Hyper-obsessive college grad with a Tumblr blog? Might as well have called out half the population of this damn site.

Pihalla (2017) dir. Nils-Erik Ekblom

Short Summary: Miku and Elias find themselves, and each other, during a summer in the Finnish countryside.

Why you should watch it: I’m a sucker for gays in the countryside™ and although this one is not quite up there with God’s Own Country and Call Me by Your Name, it still makes for a good watch. Miku as a character and his relationship with his parents was chaotic and fun. His relationship with Elias felt really natural and dreamy. 

You, Me and Him (2017) dir. Daisy Aitkens

Short Summary: Olivia, a mature responsible lawyer, wants to have a baby, but her girlfriend Alex isn’t ready for the responsibility. Things get even more complicated when their flirty neighbour, John, joins the picture. 

Why you should watch it: It is one of the most feel-good lesbian romcoms I have seen in a while. But I warn you, there are some dark parts that can really sneak up on you. Yeah, it’s hilarious, but damn it made me ugly cry, too. Oh, and if you want to see David Tennant as an alpha male douchebag, here’s your chance. (CW: **spoiler alert** p̶r̶e̶g̶n̶a̶n̶c̶y̶ ̶l̶o̶s̶s̶ )

Giant Little Ones (2018) dir. Keith Behrman 

Short Summary: Franky and Ballas have been best friends since childhood, both on the swimming team, both incredibly popular. But after an incident during Franky’s birthday, they quickly fall apart and Franky falls from grace.

Why you should watch it: I think the film captures just how tumultuous coming-of-age stories are. Franky is going through his own journey of self-identity, and I’m happy that the movie didn’t rush in with labels. The conversation Franky has with his dad at the end also hits hard.  (CW: physical assault, allusions to sexual assault)

Our Love Story (2016) dir. HyunJu Lee

Short Summary: A fine arts student meets an attractive bartender, and the two women begin an intimate relationship.

Why you should watch it: It’s a very intimate love story that isn’t rushed or dragged out for too long. We definitely see Yoon-Jo and Ji-Soo’s relationship bloom from start to end, but it’s not mind-numbingly boring to watch. Raw and unembellished, I definitely recommend this to anyone looking for a realistic portrayal of wlw romance.

Die Mitte der Welt (2016) dir. Jakob M. Erwa

Short Summary: The film follows Phil and his relationship with his family, his best friend, and a newcomer at his school, Nicholas.

Why you should watch it: This is technically a second watch for me, and I’m glad I rewatched it, because I was able to catch some glaring red flags that I missed the first time. I love this movie in spite of all the heartache it caused me. The story, especially the deal with Phil’s family, struck a chord in me. And the shots! Visually stunning as well! 

Les Amours Imaginaires (2010) dir. Xavier Dolan

Short Summary: Marie and Francis’ friendship is put to the test when a beautiful boy called Nicolas comes between them. 

Why you should watch it: Watch it for the visuals -- the colors, the costumes, the cast. Seriously, the actors included here may as well be kept in the Louvre: Xavier Dolan, Neils Schneider, Monia Chokri, hell, even a cameo from Louis Garrel! Dolan said it himself that this is a shallow film, but it’s worth the watch just to see Neils Schneider wearing heart-shaped glasses.

Closet Monster (2015)  dir. Stephen Dunn

Short Summary: A creative and driven teenager is desperate to escape his hometown and the haunting memories of his turbulent childhood.

Why you should watch it: Right off the bat, I am going to say that this film is dark. I tried watching it back in college but tapped out within the first ten minutes because something traumatic happens. Then I tried again about a week ago, finished it this time. It’s actually a very moving film. It’s violent and gory in some parts, but also ridiculous and wholesome in other parts. IT HAS A TALKING HAMSTER NAMED BUFFY! BUFFY WAS THE STAR OF THIS MOVIE FOR ME. (CW: gay bashing/sexual assault)

Straight Up (2020) dir. James Sweeney

Short Summary: Todd and Rory are intellectual soul mates. He might be gay but she might not care.

Why you should watch it: The dialogue in this film is undeniably sharp and witty. Loved the fast-paced back and forth between the two main characters as they discuss relationships, sex, gender, and more. James Sweeney and Katie Findlay’s chemistry just pulled you into the screen. It was funny, it was sweet, it was heartwrenching, it was great! (CW: allusions to sexual assault)

Latter Days (2003) dir. C. Jay Cox

Short Summary: A promiscuous gay party animal falls for a young Mormon missionary, leading to crisis, cliché, and catastrophe.

Why you should watch it: I saw this in santiagonex’s top 20 LGBTQ+ films with happy endings, and I honestly thought it was gonna be a feel-good watch. Instead, I got a rollercoaster melodrama filled with early 2000s gay culture, religious guilt, buttcheeks, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Needless to say, I got more than I bargained for. (CW: self-harm, conversion therapy)

The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Blythewood

Short Summary:  A covert team of immortal mercenaries are suddenly exposed and must now fight to keep their identity a secret just as an unexpected new member is discovered.

Why you should watch it: Okay, I was debating whether I should include this here, because it’s not necessarily an LGBTQ+ film as much as it is an action film with queer characters. I decided to include it, because JESUS! I have never seen such respectful and well-written representation of queer characters and relationships. Joe and Nicky are the most unproblematic couple in history. PERIOD. Pray for sequels, everyone. This is the kind of representation we deserve in mainstream media. 

. . .

Click here for more LGBTQ+ film recs

[fyeah-bangtan7]

A Deep Conversation with BTS' RM on His Group's Early Years, Drake, Whether BTS Is K-Pop, and More

"I had a sense of urgency and desperation about going after my dreams," says BTS' leader

I was someone who wanted to go to a top college, an Ivy League school by American standards,” says RM, BTS’ leader. “I was a typical student who was trying hard to achieve. And then I trusted [HYBE founder] Mr. Bang, and I started to walk down a different path. And I had a sense of urgency and desperation about going after my dreams.” RM’s gifts as a rapper, songwriter, and producer have been essential to BTS’s development, as have his wide-ranging intellectual interests. In an interview from his label’s headquarters, the artist formerly known as Rap Monster discussed whether BTS should be considered K-pop, the uniqueness of South Korean hip-hop, the highlights of the Most Beautiful Moment in Life era, and more.

You quoted the great abstract artist Kim Whan-ki recently: “I’m Korean, and I can’t do anything not Korean. I can’t do anything apart from this, because I am an outsider.” You said that was a key thing you’ve been thinking about lately. How does that idea apply to your work? So much of the pop and hip-hop I listened to came from America. But for me, as a Korean, I think we have our own characteristics and some kind of localized identity. I can’t really explain it very well, but there are some characteristics that we Koreans have, or maybe Eastern people. So we try to kind of combine those two things into one, and I feel that we created a new genre. Some may call it K-pop; some may call it BTS, or some Eastern-Western combined music, but I think that’s what we’re doing. If you think about the Silk Road in the past, there’s this idea of Eastern people and Western people meeting on some kind of, like, big road and maybe doing selling and buying of stuff. I think this story repeats itself, and some kind of new, interesting phenomenon is happening. We feel very honored to be existing in the very eye of this big hurricane.

There’s so much great Korean hip-hop, including your early heroes Epik High, who are still active. What did you hear in it early on, and what do you hear in it now? There’s always a process of when something new comes into another culture, where the identity gets transformed and it changes and adapts to this new place. Obviously, there are differences between Korea and the United States that affect the music. For example, Korea is not a multiethnic country like the United States. So there are different sensitivities that are underlying the music. Korean rappers of course have their own unique and different lyricism, their own situations and hardships that they fit into the process. As a Korean, obviously, these are the things that resonate with me.Obviously, there’s a saying there’s nothing new under the sun. So especially for people like us, in the margins of the world, so to speak, we think about how can we transform this and how can we make this our own. So these are the things that I think about when I try to balance the inspiration of Korean and American rappers. And, I think, now though, there’s a convergence of all genres of music. 

When BTS first started, there was this conflict in some people’s minds and in your own between the idea of being a rapper or being an idol, which we’d call a pop star. This is obviously something you’ve addressed in song. Maybe you can explain a little about that conflict and why it seemed so important at the time? When I was young, I wanted to be a writer of prose and poetry, and then I found rap. And a lot of what I wanted to do went into the music. And, yes, there was this idea of being a pure artist or a pure rapper. So in the beginning, it is true that when we were debuting as a pop act, there were times when I had to sort of reorganize my identity and then reflect on what my identity is. And at the beginning we didn’t see positive results. We didn’t have a lot of fans. We didn’t have great results. There were some times when we were mocked.

So it is true that it took some time for that identity to develop and settle itself. But, you know, whether it’s rap or pop music, or whatever it is, it is another method for me to show my mind and express my voice, and having that resonate with people. So a lot of that conflict resolved itself. And I think things today are very different from what they were like in 2013, because even though there’s still a lot of discussion about what is pure, what is authentic, what is sincere, what’s an artist, what’s a pop musician, those boundaries have become less and less meaningful. As long as I can show what I’ve written, it’s valid as the continuation of my dream and what I always wanted to do.

It feels like BTS really found itself around the time of Most Beautiful Moment of Life. That’s where everything came together. How do you look back on that time? Despite the name, Most Beautiful Moment in Life, that was actually a very tumultuous period for me and for us. There was the tough image we had in 2 Cool 4 Skool, in those early stages, a sort of exaggerated expression of toughness and that angst. And then we sort of slowed down a little bit and tried to express the emotions of young people who have really nothing more than dreams. It was a more honest sort of expression, and we witnessed how it was resonating with a lot of people.There was some confusion because this was something new, and we were showing ourselves to be more vulnerable, more delicate, which was very different. But we realized that it was meaningful, and as we went forward to the Love Yourself series, we started to discover that more and more as we continued.

I know that many fans don’t see BTS as part of K-pop. And you, yourselves, have said that “BTS is the genre.” How do you see it? That’s a very important debate. Because what they call K-pop, that genre is expanding very fast. For example, some so-called K-pop groups have only foreigners, from Europe, India, China, like, everywhere. There are no Korean members, but they do the K-pop thing, they’re switching the parts, and so on. BTS is expanding very fast as well. And K-pop is now so wide. Somebody could say that K-pop is for Koreans who sing a Korean song. That could be K-pop. But what about “Dynamite”? We sing the song in English. But we’re all Koreans, so somebody may say it’s a K-pop song. Or they may say it’s just a pop song, because it’s in English. But we don’t actually really care about whether people see us as inside or outside K-pop. The important fact is that we’re all Koreans, and we’re singing a pop song. So that’s the reason why we said that our genre is just BTS. That debate is very important for the music industry, but it doesn’t mean very much for us members.

What music really changed your idea of what’s artistically possible? I started with Nas, Eminem, the golden age of hip-hop. And the turning point was Drake, in 2009, when he released Thank You Later. That album was kind of shocking for me because it was kind of a freaky thing that a rapper actually sang. So after that a lot of rappers began to sing, deciding to put the melodies into their songs across the genres, between raps and melody. So, yeah, that was the moment.

When you rapped that your “shadow … is called hesitation,” what did you mean by that? It can be called hesitation or cautiousness, but, I think, there is a form of hesitation that prevents you from taking risks and prevents you from challenging yourself.

I know you motivated the members by saying that your grandkids might watch your Grammys performance someday. Is that something you think about often? It gives me a lot of goosebumps sometimes that our every moment leaves traces online where everyone can see them. So, yeah, I think that helps us keep motivated.

Some film actors have a saying, “Pain is temporary. Film is forever.” [Nods.] Life is short. Art is forever.

© source

[wizzard890]

so over ten years ago, when I was nineteen, @pyrrhiccomedy​​ and I met on LJ. she commented on a fic I posted de-anoning from the hetalia kink meme. we discovered that we’d loved one another’s work, anonymously, and began independently scheming to make the other our best friend. this scheming of course led to our work on the chosen end, a popular, long-running fic series. 

collaborating did indeed foster best friendship; she’s brilliant, hilarious, and challenging, and I deeply admired her integrity and strength of character. we were attached at the hip - though across the pacific ocean - for years, through some of the most difficult and tumultuous periods of my life. she was my creative partner, the scully to my mulder, the other half of our duo.

then, four years ago, she moved halfway around the world to be in new york city with me. we started dating the moment I threw my arms around her (four hours late!) in JFK. 

and now, as of this past sunday morning, she’s going to be my wife. 

she proposed to me as the sun rose over our quarantine-quiet city, and I said yes. it’ll be a long covid engagement, but I’m engaged to the most singular, wonderful person I’ve ever known, and I can’t find the right words for how endlessly happy I am. 

congratulations, dedicated shippers. canon is yours at last. 

[proudlylost]

My 6+1 favorite SPN fics: AU

After the SPN finale I kinda got sucked back into the fandom. The excessive amount of fanfiction reading ensued (I re-read all of my SPN fic favorites and then some) and I realised I have actually read quite a lot of them. So I thought I could share them, to highlight all the talented authors there is and also to gather all of my favorites into the one place. This post contain my favorite AU fics, the SPN universe edition of this fic rec can be found here.

Ninety One Whiskey by komodobits

“In the spring of 1944, the 104th Medical Battalion of the United States Army is disbanded, and its men reassigned to various infantry companies in preparation for their invasion of occupied France. For First Lieutenant Novak, this is less than helpful, as he has so far met his platoon’s designated medic a grand total of twice, and has both times found Sergeant Winchester to be the optimum combination of reckless, arrogant, and downright insufferable so as to make cohesive platoon function near impossible. When the time comes to move out, however, Castiel has to reconcile himself to the fact that men are going to go down and trust that Dean Winchester may well be the only person who can put them back together again. WW2 ETO infantry AU. “ 

READ! THIS! Well, there is some really disturbing war related and time period related stuff, but if you can stomach that, read it! Along with the Angel’s Wild, this is my favorite fanfiction. This fic is heart wrenching and so, so good.The characterization is on point. Historical accuracy is on point. Slow burn is on point. Everything is just perfect. However, as I said, this fic is heavy stuff. There is some serious angst (I cried. I almost never cry when reading) and trauma. But there is glimmers of hope, even if sometimes it feels hopeless. Expected recovery time: at least two weeks. Word Count:  401,183. Explicit

Angel’s wild by LimonadeGaby and riseofthefallenone

“But that’s the whole reason he’s here, isn’t it? He’s not out here hunting Humans. He’s not even hunting deer, or bears, or anything else that featured in Bambi. He’s out here, freezing his nuts off every night, because he’s hunting Angels.

Sometimes Dean wishes that Angels were like how they’re described in the Bible. How people from time too old for him to care much about thought Angels were messengers and warriors of God, protectors of Humans. He knows that how they’re really described in the Bible is actually pretty terrifying, but at least they were told by God that they’re supposed to love Humans, right?

That’s a thousand times better than what Angels really turned out to be.”

This was first longer fic that I read from Supernatural fandom and I fell in love. So this is “the fic that got me into the fandom” but I have read it multiple times since and it is still very, very good. I love everything about this fic. It is very original and the lore is amazing. I love how Dean and Cas are both quite young (in Cas’s case, relatively speaking) and how their love develops (slow burn! <3) I love how Cas is described and I love how he communicates (unintentionally) with flowers. You can also read this without having any knowledge of supernatural series (like I did) which is always impressive for a fic. Wor count:  389, 271. Explicit

For All You Young Hockey Players Out There, Pay Attention by thursdaysfallenangel

“Dean Winchester knows two things about hockey, two things his dad made sure he knew. One, hockey is a guy’s sport, and two, hockey is family. Hockey meant Sam and Bobby and Benny and Victor and Gabriel and hell, his entire team. So when Victor gets traded, Russian-star-turned-new-teammate Castiel Krushnic becomes a threat. As much as Dean hates him for that, the longer he sticks around, the more he begins to threaten that first rule too. Dean’s been taught his whole life that those who play hockey should not be captivated by deep accented voices and the way a guy handles his stick, so how the hell is he supposed to justify what he’s starting to think about Cas? All Dean wanted at the beginning of the season was to win, and now all he wants to do is figure out how he feels about Cas and how to deal with it without ruining his career and tearing his family apart. “

Ah, three of my absolute favourite things smashed into the same fic: sports, slow burn and enemies to lovers. This fic has lots of cameos from supernatural characters, because hockey teams require lots of players. So it is easy to spot your favorite character in this fic. This fic is probably one of may favorites, because of the sport environment (Outside the fandom, I have been super into sports. Like so much I have several national championships medals from my sport. Anyway, not a point here): also the sexual tension between Dean and Cas is so good, especially when they are pumped with the adrenaline. You don’t really need to understand sports to enjoy this fic, though. Word count:  143,592. Explicit

Formula Won by cardinalwrites

“Of all the places Castiel Novak thought he would take in his career, an internship as a Formula One Paddock Correspondent (or journalist, for short) was most definitely not one of them for a few reasons. One: He had no clue what the hell Formula One was. Two: He knew nothing about sports in general. And Three: He should not fall in love with the people he’s supposed to be asking hard-hitting questions to, least of all the head driver of one of the oldest and most well-renowned teams in the sport’s history.

This is a love story told around the world through the eyes of the person that knows the least about where he has found himself in. Come follow a 20-race season finding love in the lost, learning the truth, and figuring out what the hell Formula One is along the way.”

Another sports fic with a slow burn. This is probably not everyone’s cup of tea, because there is quite a lot information about formula one, and the reading experience is more enjoyable if already know about formulas/do your research. Don’t let it stop you though, because this fic is very good. The friendship between Dean and Cas is very natural, and later the romance as well. The plot is very engaging and the drama inside the formula one organization is so good. This fic is also not so “heavy” as the other ones in my list (of course, there are problems along the way, but even the fic’s tags say there will be fluff). The rating is T, which is kinda surprising, because I did not notice it until I already had read the whole fic. Word count: 123,777. Teen

Have Love, Will Travel by squeemonster

Castiel Novak is a reclusive writer with a childhood so tragic it's left him terrified to leave his home—until his overbearing brother, Gabriel, drags him out for a night on the town full of booze and strip clubs, and he encounters Dean Winchester, a mesmerizing and mysterious stripper with secrets of his own. Both men find themselves inexplicably drawn to each other, and soon Dean's private dances for Castiel become much more, as both men confess their troubles and find solace in each other's company. But neither can seem to find the courage to take their relationship further than the intimacy of the club's VIP Room—and just when Dean's own brother gives him the excuse he needs to finally admit his feelings, Dean discovers something that brings it all crumbling down. Will they find a way past their demons and their trust issues, and back to each other?

This is one of the fandom classics and quite rightfully so. Both Dean and Cas have issues, in other words: what’s new? The sexual chemistry between them was so good and well written, but there is also angst and mental health issues (mostly Cas). Sam is quite young in this fic, but manages to be very much a little brother. I honestly loved this fic when I was a bit younger, but I think it is still very good and deserves its place in this list. Word count  94,054. Explicit

Pick It All Up by thepinupchemist

Army veteran Castiel Novak is a wreck after his tour in Afghanistan, brought home to his brother's apartment in Lawrence, Kansas with scars both mental and physical. He copes poorly, and during one night of bad decision making, meets somebody just as much of a disaster as he is -- a prostitute named Dean Winchester. And suddenly, two damaged men might not be as irreparable as they believed.

Ah, it seems that I’m incapable of picking nice, fluffy, happy fanfics. This certainly is not one of them. There is full warnings in the tags, because there is some triggering stuff: PTSD, mentions of past abuse, alcoholism etc. But, this is also very healing story in its own way (It has happy ending. I guess I can spoil that because it reads in the tags) . I avoided this fic for a long time, because the prostitute!Dean tag scared me away, but this was so worth of reading (as I said, happy ending)! Gabriel is super supportive and sweet brother and Dean and Cas are dysfunctional but they work so well despite all the trauma they have endured. Word count:  126,611. Explicit

Bonus: Twist and Shout by gabriel and standbyme

What begins as a transforming love between Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak in the summer of 1965 quickly derails into something far more tumultuous when Dean is drafted in the Vietnam War. Though the two both voice their relationship is one where saying goodbye is never a real truth, their story becomes fraught with the tragedy of circumstance. In an era where homosexuality was especially vulnerable, Twist and Shout is the story of the love transcending time, returning over and over in its many forms, as faithful as the sea.

Well, I don’t think this fic needs any introductions. This is the fic, the most popular in SPN fandom and one of the most popular ones in the whole ao3. I thought that I could read this, because I don’t generally have many triggers, despite all the warnings. I was a wreck during reading. And I have managed to read it once and I can’t make myself read it again. But it is good and amazingly written. This fic plucks every emotion out of you and does anything it pleases with them. You have been warned. Word count:  97,556. Explicit

(When I wrote this fic rec I also realised I have a serious problem with long fics. Like, most of my favorites are at least 100,000 words. At this point I think I don’t even consider a fic to be slow burn, unless it takes several days to complete the fic. Oops)

[ourladylennon]

1/2) About Fraser, a couple of quotes that caught my eye:

"Robert represented to me freedom, freedom of speech, of view"

"The most formative influence for me was Robert Fraser. Obviously the other Beatles were very important but the most formative art influence was Robert. I expect people to die so I don’t feel a loss but there’s a vacuum where he used to be"

"The way Robert lived, which became the way I lived for a couple of years and which I now figure for a rather aristocratic way of life, would be that he’d ring early in the day and say, ‘What are we doing for dinner tonight?’

'Once I got to know Robert, a nice thing would be going to the gallery and helping install an exhibition. Just sit around and smoke a bit of pot while somebody else was installing the exhibition. Helping. Play a little music for him.’ 

"There were many good times in Robert’s flat. Through my Beatle connections I’d hire a 16mm projector for the evening […] and I started off with Wizard of Oz. Robert got into this, wow, and he’d get some art movies. We got a lot of Bruce Connors, showed a lot of that. It was a very exciting period."

The boy sounded smitten, didn't he? Maybe nothing physical happened, (Robert was allegedly into darker men) but it looks like Paul liked the idea of being "romanced" by this handsome and sophisticated guy. There was an undertone of cozy, easy intimacy between them. You can tell by the way Bob would call to plan what they'd do for dinner. How Paul would sit there playing music for his eyes only while someone else was installing the exhibition. It speaks volumes that someone as image oriented as Paul went to Paris with an openly gay man without caring what others would say. It suggests a deep connection. The story about their "netflix and chill" encounters in Robert's flat is so suggestive as well. Paul could've been anywhere and yet there he was watching Wizard of Oz with this dude. I'd say those encounters were not about Paul's love of cinema. He just wanted to be around Bob. They most likely drank, did drugs and in my opinion, fooled around a bit, for the fun of it. It sounds like a fantastic way to spend the time, 10/10 recommended.

Paul also had a strong relationship with Tara for the short time they knew each other. The fact he did LSD with him before the other Beatles implies a lot of trust. Tara was very responsible and sweet in that occasion, staying sober to look after Paul in case he had a bad trip. I loved that about him. He was really concerned about keeping Paul safe and giving him a good time. They always hung out when they had the chance and John really disliked the guy. Then there is Tara's Christmas trip to Liverpool. I'm aware he knew Paul's brother Mike first and they were friendly but there was such an air of "meet the parents" about this situation. I'm not entirely convinced they were physical but I could sense a romantic crush. Tara was married but as a beautiful society swan in the Rolling Stones' circle, I think he was quite open to experimentation.

part 2 and my answer below read line :)

2/2) Again, I would never call Paul bisexual but I do think he was more attracted to men in a romantic/platonical sense than people realize. He enjoyed immensely the attention and the company of some guys. He would open up emotionally with them, learn their craft and incorporate their habits in a way he rarely did with his women, not even Linda. It looks like Paul wouldn't unlock certain corners of his mind unless a man he was drawn to gave him that permission. This is probably why he associated Fraser with freedom.

John was the most important of all because in a way, Paul would've never discovered and accepted himself without him. He used to kill frogs and engage in unruly behavior as a child to repress that soft, romantic persona he would become so famous for. Meeting a charismatic, brilliant boy who appreciated that vulnerable side of him must've been exhilarating. As they became a songwriting team, they both started seeing creation as sex, a view they'd carry for the rest of their lives. It's telling that once Paul lost John permanently, he went looking for the next man to fall in love with. But not even Elvis Costello, Stevie Wonder or Michael Jackson were enough to fill that gap.

Which convinces me of the eroticism of his relationship with John. It was the one connection he didn't have with all the others (with the possible exception of Fraser) and this is why the collaborations would often end up somewhat unfulfilled. He might've loved them intellectually but the erotic element wasn't there and it made a difference in the results.

About McLennon, few people dispute they were in love with each other these days. But what are the odds that two people who felt so strongly about each other and had plenty of chances to consummate their feelings in a physical way not doing it? They would crash and burn within six months. It's all speculation because Paul won't tell us but I don't think it's that much of a radical idea. I think a lot of stuff will come out once Yoko passes away and Paul faces his own mortality.

P.S: juicy bit about Heather, I'm bummed that we don't get enough info about this period because of that divorce NDA.

//

Anon, you are a well-researched individual and I’m impressed. This was the first thing I read this morning it was like a morning newspaper lol, thanks.

I entirely see what you mean about intimate undertones. "Cozy” seems like a good word to describe the general feel. I *tried* reading up some more on their relationship and I get a sense that Paul in general had a great admiration for Robert and your right- has that element of creation which is so essential to Paul’s being and probably his attraction. Robert seems to have given him a different side of creating than John did: art. That clearly created a bond for them and had some impact. Like with the movies and projectors, yeah cool and all, but “an exciting period” goes a bit deeper than that for sure. He clearly learned a lot from him about art, but whose to say about what else? The way Paul talks seems like he really admired, respected and trusted the man at the very least (I am even reading this quote that seems to imply Paul and Robert did hallucinogenic drugs together unless I’m misreading? That’d be a big leap of trust just like with Tara which still boggles me).

It’s not too big of a stretch to think Paul did enjoy being romanced, in exactly the way you put it, by some guy who was “handsome and sophisticated” who he found to be interesting, different, above average, with a new exciting form of expression. And not romanced in the obvious sense; more so unassuming things like having an intimate understanding of art with one another, who felt his equal in terms of that area of art, who was putting in the effort of engaging with him, showing him something others hadn’t, being so willing to share with Paul and to open his mind. You can definitely be romanced in friendships too though so I’m not saying this is exclusively any one thing in particular, though I myself do sense an undercurrent of more-than-standard interest after reading some more. In a nutshell, pretty much what you said:

I do think he was more attracted to men in a romantic/platonical sense than people realize. He enjoyed immensely the attention and the company of some guys. He would open up emotionally with them, learn their craft and incorporate their habits in a way he rarely did with his women

I still don’t think he would ever connect the dots of what that meant or what it could mean. I think to him, it just was what it was.

With John specifically, yeah there’s just no question for me. To me, they are every bit of the lore and legend of what soul mates are made of. Fire & passion on all levels. No disrespect to any of their longterm relationships outside of each other, because they clearly had deep feelings for their other partners, but I sincerely don’t think it that it connected on every level like it did with John/Paul. But of course, I still fall on the side of thinking nothing sexual ever happened (for more reasons than one I could see why they wouldn’t have fooled around imo). With 67/68 being that turning point where they *did* crash and burn because perhaps someone tried something- words or other- or perhaps nothing happened and that could have precisely been the cracking point.

I do find it interesting that Paul’s hanging around with Robert was right around this tumultuous period of John and Paul’s relationship...kind of makes you think doesn’t it? Like does this have any influence on what happened in India sort of thing; John seeing Paul being good, close friends with a gay man. Could it have stirred something up for John? Made him see a possibility where he hadn’t before? Interesting to think about and which I hadn’t thought about before....

I genuinely hope that Paul shares anything important with us before he passes. He doesn’t owe us anything, but my god would I die to know everything that happened between them and everything they felt. 

[brokenbuttonsmusic]

Eleni Mandell: L.A. Singer-Songwriter with Smoky Chrissie Hynde Vocals and a flair for Tom Waits’ Influenced Experimentation

This post is a near- transcript of the Broken Buttons: Buried Treasure Music podcast (episode 5, side A). Here you’ll find the narration from the segment featuring the L.A. singer-songwriter, Eleni Mandell, along with links, videos, photos and references for the episode.

Listen to the full episode on Spotify, Apple, Anchor or Mixcloud.

Have you ever bought the wrong record? Like, you intended to buy something that sounded like one thing and you accidentally grab something that sounds very different. 

I don’t know if this happens anymore, but I believe it was quite common years ago. Imagine hearing an artist on the radio and being blown away. You go to the record store, find the plastic divider with the name of whom you’re looking for, but you can’t remember the name of the album, or even the song. Remember, you don’t have a tiny computer in your pocket. You’re too nervous to ask the store clerk for fear of looking stupid. So you roll the dice. 

“I know it was someone called Neil Young, but there are a thousand Neil Young records here.”

“Hey, this pink one looks cool.”

That exact scenario didn’t happen to me, but that album, Neil Young’s Everybody’s Rockin’, happened to be the most played Neil Young album in my house growing up, so for years I thought Neil Young was a rockabilly revival act. In reality, that was one of several oddball records Young released during a tumultuous period with his record label to fulfill his contract demands. I still love that record. 

Eleni Mandell did live out the scenario of buying the wrong record though. She shared the story during a segment of the show Bullseye with Jessie Thorn, where she describes seeing Tom Waits on MTV late at night—back when MTV still cared about music. It was either 120 minutes or IRS’ The Cutting Edge. This would have been around 1984 or 1985, so right around the time of Wait’s masterpiece Rain Dogs. When she went to the record store though, she picked up the 1976 Tom Waits’ Asylum release, Small Change instead. Now Small Change is still a great Tom Waits album, but it sounds nothing like the drastically reimagined sound and musical approach he had begun to employ starting with 1983’s Swordfishtrombones. Something Tom Waits called his “junkyard orchestral deviation.” The spare, off-kilter percussion. Moaning trombones and muted trumpets. Marimba. Plenty of marimba. Experimental instruments mixed in everywhere. Megaphones and CB radios. Trash can lids. 

This is the sound Eleni was looking for. 

Instead she got lush strings. Delicate piano. Cinematic swells and a melancholy wail. 

She got this.

Still awesome, but not the same. She credits the experience with changing her life. She grew to love both sides of the Tom Waits coin. The jazzy piano man in the smoky, whiskey-drenched nightclub and the eclectic, experimental carnival barker that she had her first encounter with on late night MTV. 

You can hear that deep appreciation and influence for the full Tom Waits spectrum injected and swirling through Eleni Mandell’s own spectacular catalog that spans more than 20 years now. 

She’s got plenty of experimental Waits, especially in her early catalog. 

And quite a bit of the jazzy nightclub vibe.

There’s also plenty of folk-y Eleni mixed in, and even some country.

You’ll notice that Eleni’s voice doesn’t sound like Tom Waits though. Did you notice that? It’s less of a deep, gravelly howl and more of rich Chrissie Hynde croon. Spin compared her to Chrissie Hynde and PJ Harvey. Rolling Stone compared her captivating melodies and witty lyricism to early Elvis Costello. 

While she doesn’t have the Tom Waits’ wail, she does specialize in his particular brand of character song-study. Like this first song we’re going to hear. The first track off of Eleni Mandell’s second album Thrill. Released in the year 2000. This is Pauline. 

Pauline, from Eleni Mandell’s second record, Thrill. So how did this remarkably unique singer-songwriter get her start and pull together so many interesting influences to create the sound we just heard.

Eleni grew up in the Sherman Oaks region of the San Fernando Valley, Los Angeles. She started playing music when she was just 5, beginning with the violin and then piano. Eleni didn’t love playing either, but continued to take lessons until she was thirteen. She remembers wanting to learn to write songs early on, but didn’t have the first idea of how to approach it, especially on violin. She jumped from violin and piano to guitar as a teenager. Her parents exposed her to a variety of musical styles. Her mom would take her to musicals and her dad, a serious record collector, played her Hoagy Carmichael and plenty of jazz standards. She loved the Beatles and remembers Diana Ross making an early impression. 

Another early life changing moment came when she discovered the Los Angeles punk band X.

X were huge in LA, and their first album (called Los Angeles) was the first record Eleni ever owned. Or maybe the first she asked to own. The first record she was ever given was Shaun Cassidy’s greatest hits for her 4th birthday. The first she ever purchased with her own money was X’s third release, Under the Big Black Sun. She tells a story of when she was out record shopping at a place called Aron’s Records, located on Melrose, and to her utter befuddlement came face to face with John Doe, lead singer of X. He was shopping for records too. She quickly snapped up a copy of the band’s third album and asked John to sign it. He did. She still has the signed album, which reads “Yours” complete with a big X “-John Doe.” That was the last autograph she ever asked for. It was not, however, the last time her path would cross with that of the band X. 

When she was a little bit older, she met Chuck E. Weiss, songwriter, rock n’ roller, beat poet and peculiar Tom Waits associate. Also the subject of the song, Chuck E.’s in Love.

Yes, that Chuck E. Weiss. Waits was in a relationship with Rickie Lee Jones. Waits, Jones and Weiss all lived at the seedy Tropicana Motel in Los Angeles. One day Weiss up and left out of nowhere. Some time later Chuck E. called the apartment where Jones and Waits were living. He explained to Waits that he had moved to Denver because he had fallen in love with a cousin there. Waits hung up the phone and announced to Jones, “Check E.’s in love. Rickie Lee Jones liked that so much that she it turned it into the song we just heard. 

Who is this episode about again? Oh, right. Eleni Mandell. Anyway, Eleni Mandell met THAT Chuck E. Weiss when she was not yet 21. Still, she had a friend who was able to get her into The Central, a Sunset Strip club that would later become The Viper Room. This would’ve been around 1990. Weiss was playing there every Monday. 

Here’s how the write up on Eleni’s original website describes her first encounter with Weiss.

“The first time she ever saw Chuck E. Weiss perform, he walked right up to her and smiled like a cross between The Cheshire Cat and an escaped mental patient. She met him a month later at Musso and Frank’s.”

Eleni says she was at the famous Hollywood restaurant and recognized Weiss. She worked up the courage to approach him and told him how much she loved his show. He asked if she wanted to accompany him to meet up with a friend at Canter’s Deli. She agreed. When they settled into one of the landmark eaterys iconic red, vinyl booths in walked her hero. Tom Waits. What a night. Tom asked Chuck how he and Eleni had met. 

“Hebrew school,” he declared. 

Here’s a tune from Eleni’s debut album, Wishbone, released in 1999. This is Sylvia. 

From Eleni Mandell’s first album, Wishbone, that was Sylvia. 

Under Chuck E. Weiss’ mentorship, produced by Jon Brion and self-financed by Mandell, Wishbone, as well as her next several records, received strong reviews and drew comparisons to Waits and PJ Harvey in style. 

Before Weiss mentored Mandell, he hired her as a door person at his club. She said he would test her to see how tough a door person she was by trying to grab money out of her hand. Weiss would continue to mentor Eleni over the years and they’re still friends to this day. 

For her fourth album, Mandell shook things up by diving into traditional country. A mix of covers and originals, 2003’s Country For True Lovers is an exciting update to her sound. And one of her life changing moments came full circle. Weiss introduced her to former X guitarist Tony Gilkyson, who produced the project. She also stacked the sessions with all star players, including Nels Cline from Wilco, and another X hero, drummer D.J. Bonebreak. 

Eleni continued to mix and mesh genres on her next release, 2004’s Afternoon. 

From the No Depression review of that album:

“Last years Country For True Lovers found Los Angeles chanteuse Eleni Mandell turning her sights on twang rather than her previous more PJ Harvey-oriented material, and she received plenty of critical acclaim in the process, sharing the LA Weekly 2003 songwriter of the year award with the late Elliot Smith.”

“On Afternoon, her fifth album, Mandell combines her love of various genres, including country, pop, jazz and rock, to stunning effect. Produced by Joshua Grange, who also lends his considerable talents on guitar, pedal steel, Hammond organ and piano, Afternoon mostly takes the slow and sexy approach. I’ve Been Fooled and Can’t You See Im Soulful give Mandell the chance to show off her breathy but passionate alto, which can devastate in a heartbeat.”

“Mandell does rock out from time to time, as on Easy On Your Way Out, which has a grungy Elvis Costello-gets-on-with-Liz Phair feel to it. I wanna be your afternoon/I want you coming back for more, Mandell sings on the sorta fun/sorta sad title song.”

She can also write catchy singles. Like this song from Afternoon, “Let’s Drive Away.”

That was Let’s Drive Away from Eleni Mandell’s fifth album, Afternoon, released in 2004. That song was also featured on the TV show, Weeds.

And here comes the challenging part of covering an artist like Eleni Mandell, who’s put out consistently solid albums for over two decades. There’s not enough time to feature all the good stuff she’s produced, but trust me, over her eleven albums, she always delivers. From the diverse shifting sounds of Artificial Fire [play clip] to the smooth and breezy Dark Lights Up [play clip], Eleni whirls a magical combination of jazz, folk, pop, country and rock, with just enough experimental twists to keep everything fresh. 

She’s also branched out from her solo artist gig to release two albums with her band The Grabs. The Grabs allows her to exercise more of her pop side and features Eleni on vocals, Blondie bassist Nigel Harrison, and Silversun Pickups’ drummer Elvira Gonzalez. 

And, she’s also released records with the Andrews Sisters inspired supergroup, The Living Sisters, with Inara George, Alex Lilly and Becky Stark.

I’d recommend checking out all of this. 

So now that we’ve established that the Eleni Mandell road is paved with the goods, let’s skip ahead to focus on her most recent album: 2019’s Wake Up Again.

Here’s what Eleni and her website have to say about the latest release: 

“For two years or thereabouts,” Mandell says, “I taught songwriting at two colleges and a women’s prison.”

The prison gig came about via Jail Guitar Doors, the organization founded by Wayne Kramer, guitarist of the vaunted Detroit band MC5, in partnership with English musician Billy Bragg. “I don’t know why exactly I was drawn to that work,” Mandell says. “But I had a family member who had been in prison in the 1940s. He wasn’t around when I was growing up, but that sort of fascinated me and I was always curious about what kind of person disappears and what kind of person commits crimes — what are they thinking?”

Working with the inmates also provided many epiphanies for her as a person, and proved fertile for her as an artist, as captured in the 11 songs on this album, her 11th studio release. In many ways it’s the culmination and fulfillment of all the strengths as a writer and performer going back to her start under the tutelage of Chuck E. Weiss, Tom Waits and other top chroniclers of people in the shadows.

“I really enjoyed it,” she says. “I was inspired by the stories, and surprised by the laughter I heard there. And I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was, by how many different kinds of people were there: teachers, lawyers, nurses, and also people who grew up in poverty.”

Here’s a song about one of the woman she met during those songwriting classes she taught. This is Evelyn.

Evelyn from Eleni Mandell’s most recent album, Wake Up Again. Another great addition to her expansive, impressive catalog. The album is filled with rich character studies and deeply personal self-examinations.

Her early Tom Waits inspiration continues to ignite and propel her, even after 11 albums. Only now she can call Tom a longtime friend. 

And she went from obsessive punk rock X fan to counting a member of X as a member of her own band. What a cool, thrilling ride she’s had so far. Eleni Mandell. 

References and other stuff:

Eleni interview with Luxury Wagers

Eleni interview with Mr. Bonzai

Eleni interview with Tyler Pollard on Timeline

The bio from Eleni’s current website has a great write up on her most recent album and I quote from it in the episode.

No Depression review of Afternoon that I quote in the episode

Here is the original bio from Eleni’s old website that is now archived. I also quote from this

Eleni has been featured on NPR segments over the years. I did not use anything directly from these, but they are good and informative

Pop Matter review of Dark Lights Up

Good L.A. Times article about Eleni teaching songwriting to female inmates and her latest album

[unproduciblesmackdown]

you said random number so.. gimme 5, 17, 24, 26, 38, and 43

#epic thank you!!!! sorry this is so long, gang, but you know me. press J if you have that keyboard shortcut option

5)favorite fics?

soph nothingunrealistic’s!! click the link & peruse any of the dozen gifts to this world on ao3. also just go right to her writing tag

17)a fandom you wish more people were in/you had more people to talk to about?

well i don’t Really have an answer for this one, but just yesterday it was once again time to talk abt how jaclyn moriarty’s 4-book ashbury/brookfield YA series is a lot of fun and unusual in good ways, but like, i guess what with being published throughout the aughts and like, not being super obscure but also not being explosively popular, and idk maybe they were also more Known in australia than the US, and, idk, but there’s not exactly what you’d call a Fandom online, or even very many traces of one. and i just like to mention the series as Fun To Read because they are very lively and focus on girls and have a real variety of Girl Characters (and also some boy characters who are also varied and fun but that’s just a bonus) and in particular i like to talk about how the third book has a really Unusual Choice Of Protagonist (the unfun unpopular Best Grades by-the-book overachiever etc etc etc nerd girl, kinda having the personality that ppl misinterpret alana beck’s personality to be lol, like something of a killjoy goody-two-shoes lol, but also with that earnestness and drivenness that alana has as well)......and the format of each book is Epistolary, but in different and creative ways each time, and it’s fun how like, the characters who are telling the story (the ones whose letters are used and etc) rotate with each book [tho emily and lydia are Storytellers in the 2nd And 4th books] and it’s very neat how like, you do get that sense that just b/c someone’s not being Focused On as much from different people’s perspectives doesn’t mean they aren’t still existing and present and doing stuff and having their own story, even when that’s not being mentioned by whoever’s writing down the events that we’re reading. we love that sentiment. anyways i just like to always Promote them.

24)who are you at the end of this decade?

hmmm!! i mean in many ways i am who i have been the whole time but yknow, 2009 - 2019 was a tumultuous period. i was always furiously trying to think through Who Am I As A Person for various reasons, even though like, when you’re in ur mid-teens that’s always In Progress rather than there being a really set answer to be discovered, and for a while it was a lot of frustration with myself all “why are you like [this], why can’t you do [that] right,” etc etc. but eventually i had like, a better frame of reference for a lot of what was going on, and even why i never quite felt like i had a great sense of Who I Am and What I Like and etc in the first place, and more understanding and respect for myself lol. even now it’s like, yknow i’m ~self-consious~ in ways often lol and i’ll sometimes Use that to be like, okay try to improve [this thing] about yourself!! and yknow on the one hand i feel like stuff i’ve been Working On for years Has paid off in ways, but then recently it’s like......okay hang on but like, it’s not a bad thing to like, have some traits that maybe aren’t gonna be seen as “perfect” or might be annoying or yknow, your Demeanor and Vibe isn’t always like, the most important thing to focus on lol or something where like, oh being sweet & saintly & coming across as utterly pleasant to everyone always gets to be The Objective Ideal. like, i’m opinionated and can be argumentative and sometimes impatient?? like, there’s a balance here between “good to be trying to Improve Yourself always or whatever lol” and “but also everyone is People with Traits and Different Personalities and everyone doesn’t have to just sand themselves down into an edgeless smooth sphere” and like, sure it’s like “haha i’m a bit more temperamental than i’d like still” but also i sure sympathize w/ the fact that like, oof, depression makes it tricky sometimes! and i do pretty okay at like, being Aware of when my mood is cursed and trying to be as chill about it as poss! or like, “haha wish i was better at conversation lmao” but yknow also understanding that like.....i’m just kinda Not great at it and that’s what’s Natural for me and like, again, a balance between “trying to be easier to talk to, lol” and “being okay with the fact that i’m not super easy to talk to and most ppl aren’t very easy for me to talk to either, lol”

im trying to be a bit less cagey lol which i guess might not be the first word someone might use to describe me for a variety of reasons, But......and but then also, i just like, for me there is no simple Be Yourself, Just Talk Naturally As U Would conversation mode lol, but you know. it’s hardly a pressing issue, and at the same time, like, sometimes when i find it hard to talk to people it’s like “well this is just you needing to Be Nicer” or whatever, or like, well you’re just not used talking to Anyone so like, push through it, and then it takes me a while to realize like, well no you just don’t love talking to them, lmao......and at the same time i’m Really slow to realize when people *do* actually enjoy talking to me, lmao, i am just not used to it And used to people like, not really being super interested in interacting with me even if they think i’m alright lol. lord! so i’m still slightly surprised whenever Anyone likes me, but also like, then again there’s sort of always these repeated scenarios where it’s like [Glum Trombone Noise] i’m also the recipient of various ppl’s various contempt for various reasons........which like, i sure don’t Absorb that as like “way 2 go, you deserve that” but also like, sure also never is the most fun experience of your life. but i have a way more solid sense of the fact that like, i don’t inherently deserve that, and an understanding of Why people will be Like That sometimes, and that’s all been acquired knowledge from the whole journey of this decade lol

also like, i have always been and continue to be like, Basically A Cat lol.....cats-sonas for everyone, ___ the ___ cat, But Seriously Folks........like, oh, there’s a lot of ppl and/or noise around?? unless i have chosen to put myself in that situation for fun, i’m probably gonna be finding whatever quiet / distant corner to hide out in and try to remain as undetected as possible.......kinda wary about interacting with people sometimes, though then also, i like to be friendly w/ strangers (if they’re friendly with me) and won’t necessarily mind spontaneous interactions but only if it’s Plausibly Expected in the situation, and even then, i might just prefer that Nobody Talk To Me......and i’ve yet to be Really comfortable in a group of ppl if i’m there *with* that group lmao, like, i don’t like to take the lead or compete for attention or anything and just kinda will try to do my own thing on the outskirts, whereas if i’m by myself it’s just like, i feel a lot more comfortable and like i can just do whatever lmao..........and also i don’t like to make noise lol. unless again, it’s deliberate, and it’s Fun. like at a concert? i will be the death of whatever nerd like, wants it to be like a solemn “listening to a record” occasion or wants everyone to yell out complete sentences if a performer asks an Arena full of people How Are You Doing 2nite or whatever. i’m gonna yell!!! anyways. idk. i am always like “oh i am Very Much [this way], except for all the times i am totally [the would-be Opposite way]”........i can’t really opt out of having Anxious Qualities and that’s alright, even though it does get in the way of things sometimes for sure. like, c’est la vie!!! i understand why i am like this, and that like, while for my own sake i can try to hold my own hand here and encourage myself to be a little bolder, it’s totally fine that like, i have Problems and Difficulties. 

i’m also at like, maybe the lowest levels of Impending Dread that i’ve had since i was like, 8 or some shit lmao............like again kind of a Wild Decade and one where like, it was totally all like “wow am i even gonna make it to [a few yrs in the future] -> [a year in the future] -> [half a year from now]” aaand it hasn’t been a full year yet since i was last thinking like “lmfao oof i might not be alive by __, who knows!!” but even while that was going on it was at least an improvement from the times i thought i might like, hmm hope i don’t off myself. and like, this is probably the first Start Of A Year in like. well possibly the past decade lmao, where yknow, it hasn’t felt quite as dire. i mean im not really out here a cockeyed optimist about anything, and like, i’m aware that things are always a little tenuous and there’s other factors i’m always nervous about, but That’s nothing new, and i’m kinda more like, neutral about the future rn lol? feeling less Dread and Doom is new-ish lmao and like, allowing that yknow, despite how crappy the past decade has been re: how i felt in my Outlook, there’s been a bunch of surprising Good Things to come along, and i totally allow for the fact that that could easily continue to happen. having Less(ened) Bad Feelings about Things might not = Absolutely Thriving but i appreciate it!! i also try to be appreciative lmao. like, what with the dread and doom & (hope i don’t die this year, i guess,) feelings, it’s wildly hard nowadays for me to like, anticipate stuff in a ~fun~ way or at all, but yknow when anything nice, even a really small / unspectacular / ordinary moment and/or detail, is being experienced by me, i try to enjoy that. i like to be Appreciative. and i think i’m also sort of like, sharing more of myself than i’ve probably gotten to or felt capable of doing in the past, and i appreciate that a lot too. like, it can be really Depressing for sure to think of like, hmm i haven’t had the chance to like, feel in control of things and like things are Totally Fine and i feel Totally Okay & like i’m enjoying everything, and i can choose to pursue [things i might enjoy], and maybe i Won’t have that chance? [another glum trombone noise] but like. i appreciate the good experiences that i Do and Have gotten so far. and the fact i’ve ever been in situations to connect with people and enjoy things the ways that i can and like, it’s really nice that My Presence in other ppl’s lives, even as just like Some Online Rando re: some ppl lmao, has had some positive effect for them or even just been enjoyed is like, wow, this is pretty great lol.........not sure where i was taking this tangent but like, i am someone who appreciates this a lot.

hmm i am also a passionate person at the end of this decade lmao!!!! that has definitely always been true. i am Of That Temperament. it is funny b/c like, the fact that i am A Motormouth Actually But Often Not Saying Anything In The Least To People, they think i’m like, of this very mild disposition and Not someone with strong opinions that they will launch into, or else i would have been doing that already........but you know!!! here i am online, fully able to just dive into things and start talking about whatever for one million years. and i sure latch onto stuff in a Big Way sometimes, which is why anyone follows me at all lol, b/c if you like [whatever particular content] and i am just all about that too, it’s a beneficial situation for us both i guess lmao. i can get really excited and focused about stuff, obviously, and i sure Also Obviously like to explore the emotional aspects of things. which is a vague thing to say lmfao but you all know what i mean!!! it continues to be the only reason i draw lmaooo like i draw so much and like, Making Fanart And Sharing It Online has i think also been a journey of this decade for me, and i really only draw a) exactly that fanart that i feel like making, and b) what i feel like making is always also probably abt Feelings somehow, like the Three Emotions: kissing (aka gay), crying (sad), and angry (angry)........great news if you want to see the stuff i already happen to be drawing lol!!! bad news i guess if you were hoping i’d draw anything but whatever i end up wanting to draw. i cannot be diverted. and i don’t even draw for its own sake lol like, i’ve always doodled for fun and all that, but like, ive never been a “wow i want to make my own __ someday” or whatever, and if i’m trying to draw something which is anything other than [the exact thing i might feel like drawing] it is Such a chore that like, i just don’t do it except for like, total Exceptions. except exceptions lol. don’t ask!! anyways why did i get on that drawing tangent there........yeah it’s definitely lucky that i’ve been giving myself that Drawing Experience so that i can connect w/ ppl that way, cuz i’m godawful at like, necessarily providing other stuff lol Or at being the one to Make Connections Happen otherwise......and also of course sometimes it is easier to convey/communicate something via drawing. woohoo!!

anyways yeah i’m a bit excitable lol and i sure guess i’ve got that Chaotique energy at times, for better or worse lol........like sometimes my Contribution can be like, just an absolute wild card thrown into the pile, or just like, maybe adding some Boost to a situation that other people can run with if they so choose. just throw things out there sometimes and enjoy when other ppl find that fun lmao

what else is there about me??? lol.......oh yeah i’m always sort of an Office Goofaround (not actually in an office ever, though). like, when ppl Don’t have that sense of Collaborative Humor where like, if someone does something a bit silly u just roll with that bit, or if god forbid they have Exhausting Cishet Guy humor where they think everything is about Dry, “Intelligent” Sarcasm and that being “funny” is about making yourself look like the coolest or cleverest person there who Wins the Center Of Attention spot?? it’s like, eff that, where are my Get Silly gang. also puns are funny but also only b/c they are silly. you have to really lean into it lol. 

well anyways!!!! and when i am asked to talk about myself i can be very extensive and yet not necessarily cover everything. here we are

26)favorite look you had?

my look hasn’t changed too much! Tees n Jeans (or shorts? or jorts? lol) are pretty much my thing altho you Know i have at times added in A Layer, or even accessories.......as always, part of the first few years of the decade for me was the whole “aha, yeah okay i’m trans” process, but before that i wasn’t ever really trying to be more “””””””””fashionable”””””””””” than the tees n jeans type of look anyway lmao, and even nowadays like, i have some Wardrobe Items that like, ppl might consider ”androgynous” or whatever when cis dudes wear them, like leggings or a v-neck sweater........really some of the only significant Changes was getting binder/s eventually (by 2012?? ugh idk) and also like, by 2011 i cut my hair relatively short, and from there on i just like, every year went “ugh god i need it to be shorter” and even now i’m like, hmm, do i want it shorter or is this fine?? but also i’m somewhat limited styling-wise b/c i just continually cut it myself in a bathroom mirror, true chaotic. and! i’ve been like, god i wish i had a baseball cap that’s just like, solid [my fave blue] or yknow, black or something, or idk. one that i like. and also someday it would be nice to like, not only have an updated prescription of lenses but also Multiple Glasses Frames to choose from, even though my current ones are alright still lol.......this is me just talking abt my past looks and how i’d like to potentially update my look lmao i did Not answer the question but, as usual, i also don’t have a great direct answer lol

38)a prediction you had for this decade that came true?

lol this was not a decade where i was ever looking ahead to 2020 and making any assumptions about this Block Of Time as a whole.......i mean like, i was Really starting to suspect byyyy 2012 for sure that like, i could not like, be able to exist And have my parents be in my life at all lol and by 2013 it was just like. increasing confirmation of that. and i last saw / spoke to them prior to me just effing out of there at the end of 2015. snaps for me

43)an important relationship (of any kind) you had?

well a couple i appreciated that might not be obvious were pretty brief and fairly impersonal lol. so in 2015 i had this Nightmare Job for five whole months which was obviously miserable in most ways, but there was this other guy who wasn’t even a Coworker, we just had the same job and had similar routes of Stores to go to, so we would run into each other a lot of mornings, and he would talk to me and i’d talk to him and he was totally good-humored about everything and that was helpful lmao b/c it’s great to have Someone you enjoy seeing. i also struck up a rapport with a baked-goods stocker at one particular store, and that could be an enjoyable 14 seconds. it was a godawful job lmao and like, Any pleasantness at all / decent treatment from other people was very helpful

also at this other job the next year which was a lot less hellish, there was this customer lady who like, i can’t remember at what point she started talking to me but yknow it got to be that if we’d run into each other she’d kind of update me on her life. and she would be like “sorry i’m talking to you, a stranger, about all this stuff all the time, but my life is a mess and i don’t really have anyone to talk to” and i would be like, lmfao mood, do not even worry about it, and yknow this was someone i only ran into usually once every few weeks at my job, and could only listen to for however long, but she was Going Tf Through It all the time and as much as i am a chatterbox who will go on for a century about myself b/c i can’t be concise abt anything ever, i’m also decent at being in Listening Mode lmao or yknow, i was like No Truly i don’t mind you venting, and also yknow, i’m like well i know how much it sucks to have Nobody to talk to about Big Problems. and i am this random restaurant worker and if i’m one of the only people this lady can talk to, you can bet i’m going to listen lol.......and she was really goin through it all One Thing After Another and yknow i’d catch her two weeks later and she’d be all like, well [this situation] has gotten worse, or This One Problem is over but now New Problem has replaced it, etc, and a whole issue that i got updated on was like lol. she had this boyfriend who she’d kinda mention early on when she was talking abt trying to find a job, or losing a new-but-terrible job and once again being back in that Job Hunt Stress, and idk like. i just sort of have decent Relationship Instincts lmfao of like “hmm this doesn’t sound great” but like, a month or two later she’s straightup Married to this dude, and i’m like oh congrats :) and then when a month or two after That she’s talking about how like, she’s maybe having Job Probs again and her now-husband is really giving her shit for like, not having found a new one yet, i’m like internally all [ :)))))) Not Surprised :))))))) ] but i’m like. yknow you Sympathize n Validate but if you just up and tell someone who’s being treated real bad like “you are being treated terribly, this person is acting terribly” then they might just want to defend them like oh it’s not That bad, or minimize it, and blame themselves for making their terrible partner “look bad”.......and by extension when she once was in our restaurant With said husband and introduced us i was like, just getting further confirmation abt this dude’s shittiness from his Immediate Vibe lmao like....whenever i feel uncomfortable enough in someone’s presence in a [not just universal level of Anxiety] way, it’s like, that instinct is pretty reliable & accurate lol.....but i had to pretend Not to hate him or act too standoffish towards him lmao cuz like!!! i figured i could “get away with it” but yknow, this lady had already said how isolated she was and the husband sure seemed Controlling and like, yknow, if you act like you don’t Like the shitty partner or said shitty partner catches wind of you maybe telling this person that “hey your partner is being shitty” then it’s all, them telling their partner “don’t go around that person who is so obviously Against me >:(” and like. yknow i figured as Random Restaurant Employee this dude wasn’t about to be super on guard about me but i still was not wanting to risk it but luckily i only met him the one time and only had to casually pretend i didn’t think he was shit that one time. and anyhow! soon enough the lady is talking to me about how she thinks getting married to him was a mistake but like, again, she was real isolated and didnt have family or friends or ppl in the area to talk to, and like, yknow she would be pretty sure her husband was cheating on her but of course He was the one all like, wanting to be controlling and invade her privacy and accuse Her of cheating on him, and i’m like, internally screaming but again yknow, i’m just letting her vent to Anyone (me) and sympathizing. and iirc her talking about her “uh oh my husband sucks” was like, i had come back from this delivery so we were in the parking lot lol and she was so upset about all of it and like, “sorry i’m just this random person talking to you for twenty minutes in a parking lot and crying lol” and i’m like. i mean yknow if the only person you can vent to about this terrible situation is me, this random person in a parking lot, absolutely i am glad to do it, even though i would’ve done it anyways lol...........and i was so mad at our General Manager this one time lmao b/c. yknow it’s a couple weeks later and wouldn’t you know it, The Lady is really stressed b/c her husband was yelling at her and broke a window in their apartment, and the Cost Of Repairs added to their monthly rent meant they might not be able to make that rent, and she was in that crappy situation that gets pulled on Tenants Who Probably Don’t Have Much Money, where you’re supposed to get 5 Days Notice or whatever when they’re like “get out b/c your rent is overdue” but you get that Notice on like, friday afternoon when your Last Day is supposed to be the following monday, and nobody is at the office all weekend, so obviously that’s not five days and it’s really only One Day and that Last Day that you’d even have a chance to talk to anyone, which is also a monday when you’d probably have work, and yknow, good luck finding help over the weekend, when probably ppl will just want to spend that time rushing to just pack their shit up and leave anyways.....ANYHOW it’s just some particular heinous bullshit and it was like, the saturday after it had happened to her, and i sympathized entirely b/c that had happened to me and i now lived in my car but i figured i wouldn’t bring that up lmfao.......and anyways i was sitting down with her to listen to her b/c it’s an Insanely Stressful Situation and again like, whenever she’d show up i’d let her talk to me abt her Problems for however long she felt like. and anyways of course eventually the one By-The-Books manager gives me shit all like “what are you doing daring to Sit Down and Not be doing restaurantly actions, ugh” and i’m like. i mean, unsurprising lecture to get lol, of course, but i was just so impatient like. well this person was having a crisis so i prioritized that above keeping the coffee stirrers fully stocked at all times, bite me. ENNYHOW and i didn’t see her for a minute after that and i Was a bit worried b/c like. of course i had every reason to be and she was just always looking so completely exhausted but then like, actually the last time i saw her she was actually more upbeat than ever b/c like! turns out that during an argument her husband had assaulted her and had been arrested. which is of course like. i was like oh i am completely sorry about that trauma but congratulations at this person being separated from you!!! and like, i wish i could have kept up with her beyond that, but i couldn’t, but like, that was the first Improvement in her life that i’d heard since i met her, and it was a way better last-thing-to-hear-from-her than her stressing out abt eviction thanks to her abusive husband breaking shit. and like, weird relationship lmao but!! idk i did feel lucky that i could be The One Person This Lady Gets To Talk With b/c like, god forbid she have absolutely nobody to talk to about this shit or treat her with any sympathy, even if it was just me, the rando she only got to see on occasion. and i hope she’s doing okay still! wish i knew for sure of course, but i’m glad i at least got to be there for her in a tiny way for a period of time and did eventually like, Know that she both knew that this was a bad person to be with, and got that Reason to be separated from him.

[thisdaynews]

Tiger Woods: His scandalous, tumultuous and redemptive decade, sparked by a car crash

New Post has been published on https://thebiafrastar.com/tiger-woods-his-scandalous-tumultuous-and-redemptive-decade-sparked-by-a-car-crash/

Tiger Woods: His scandalous, tumultuous and redemptive decade, sparked by a car crash

Woods ended an 11-year wait to claim his 15th major with a fifth Masters title, in April 2019

Tiger Woods sped out of his Orlando driveway, across kerbs and a central reservation, collided with a fire hydrant and ploughed into a neighbour’s tree.

For the world’s most recognisable sportsman, this incident during the very early hours of 27 November, 2009, began a scandalous, tumultuous and spectacularly redemptive decade.

In the previous dozen years Woods had dominated golf like no other player. He won multiple majors – the championships that define careers – and reeled off tournament victories all over the world.

In the past 10 years he has won only one major but his life has turned around. He is a doting father, his sport’s greatest ambassador and still a player capable of winning at the very highest level.

Comparing the most recent decade with the all-conquering period that preceded it, Rory McIlroy, who is one of his biggest rivals, says: “I think what he had to go through to get to the other side in the last 10 years is equally as impressive.”

In the wake of the crash, Woods’ image plumbed shameful and painful depths before eventually soaring again to hit epic highs.

That night, 10 years ago, he was surrounded by shattered glass and was groggy from a cocktail of painkillers and sleeping pills. He then lost consciousness and was ferried to hospital in an ambulance.

We were about to discover that this proud champion was, in fact, a deeply flawed individual. The crash occurred in the moments after his wife Elin had found out that her husband had been cheating.

In the days and weeks that followed, it became clear Woods had been a serial philanderer. Celebrity gossip magazines and websites were all over the story. They became an essential source for hard news, as the downfall of Woods made headlines everywhere.

He had always jealously guarded his privacy. Now the whole world knew his address: 6348 Deacon Circle, Windermere, Florida 34786.

Woods drove his SUV into a fire hydrant and tree near the entrance to his neighbour’s driveway

The crash happened a week after Woods added yet another tournament victory to his glorious career. He won the Australian Masters in Melbourne, but reporters from the National Enquirer were on his tail. The American celebrity magazine suspected Woods had a secret girlfriend, Rachel Uchitel, in tow at the luxury Crown Casino and hotel.

When he returned to America he warned his wife the Enquirer would be publishing a story. He denied its allegations and multiple accounts state that he set up a call between Uchitel and Elin to reassure his wife.

Then on 26 November, Woods went to the nearby Isleworth clubhouse to spend Thanksgiving evening playing cards. He returned home, took an Ambien sleeping tablet and went to bed.

At this point Elin started to go through his mobile phone. She texted Uchitel and then called her. In the process she confirmed the affair. “I knew it,” she is widely reported to have said. Elin then confronted a groggy Woods, who ran to his driveway, jumped into his Cadillac Escalade and fatefully crashed exiting his property.

No-one tracked Woods closer in 2009 than journalist Robert Lusetich. He was writing Unplayable, a book examining the character of this most guarded of golfers.

Lusetich was playing golf with friends on 27 November. The Australian reporter recalls: “One of the guys looked at his phone and he said: ‘Tiger Woods has been injured in a car accident and nobody knows how bad it is.’

“It was like ‘wow, that’s incredible’. So I sent Steve Williams [Woods’ caddie] a text. He was in New Zealand.”

Williams called Mark Steinberg, Woods’ long-time agent from the International Management Group.

Tiger Woods’ smashed car after the 2009 crash outside his home

Lusetich heard back from Williams. “Steinberg said everything will be fine,” the writer says. “And then he said: ‘Don’t believe anything that you’re gonna hear.’ That’s a strange thing to say. When we saw the story from the National Enquirer it became clear that this was indeed a scandal of some magnitude.”

Numerous women subsequently came forward to say they had secret relationships with the world’s best golfer leaving his fans and fellow players stunned.

“I’ve learnt a few of the new websites this week,” said Irishman Padraig Harrington, who was one of Woods’ biggest rivals at the time. “It’s a phenomenal story, the spotlight is massive.”

American tabloids gave more coverage to this tale than the aftermath of 9/11. When Woods was front page of the New York Post for 20 consecutive days, it beat a record set by the 11 September attacks on New York and Washington in 2001.

“I’m just amazed,” admitted the 2006 US Open winner Geoff Ogilvy. “How did nobody know? Tiger Woods is quite recognisable.”

Woods retreated from competitive golf – the sport he dominated with 14 majors, second only to the game’s most successful player, Jack Nicklaus. He had been on track to overhaul that record of 18 major titles. It seemed only a matter of time for such a special player, one who had grown far bigger than just golf.

A black man dominating a white man’s game, he could flash a million-dollar smile. Woods was the face of multinational companies such as Nike, Accenture, Gillette, Gatorade and Tag Heuer. He was the number one golfer in the world and Forbes made him sport’s first billionaire.

There was a seemingly idyllic domestic scene with a photogenic wife and two young children. To the outside world he had it all, but inside there was turmoil.

And it came cascading to the fore with the relentless revelations which detailed his behaviour leading up to that infamous car crash.

Woods was released from hospital the following day and headed to Arizona where he had plastic surgery to repair his lip which had been cut in the crash. His whereabouts were known to only his closest confidants.

“I couldn’t believe that Tiger Woods would be that reckless,” says Lusetich. “He had basically convinced himself that he was bulletproof because of prior incidents and being able to cover them up.”

On 11 December Woods released a statement which said he was taking an indefinite break from golf.

“I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children,” he posted on his website.

Woods, pictured here on 21 November 2009 with his daughter, Sam, and then-wife, Elin Nordegren

After Christmas, he checked into Pine Grove Behavioural Health and Addiction Services, a facility in downtown Hattiesburg, Mississippi. It was reported he enrolled on the “Gratitude” programme to treat sex addiction.

Woods has never confirmed the nature of his treatment. “Gratitude” was designed by Dr Patrick Carnes, who first introduced the term sexual addiction into medical circles in 1983.

What seems certain is that Woods faced a brutal regime of self analysis well away from the outside world. It meant he missed the first birthday of his son Charlie.

“I can’t go back to where I was,” he later said. “I want to be part of my son’s life and my daughter’s life going forward.”

Not everyone was convinced of the wisdom of Woods’ treatment. A future president weighed in on Fox News: “I would recommend Tiger just call it a bad experience,” said Donald Trump.

“Say bye-bye, go out, be a wonderful playboy, win tournaments and have a good life. The most important thing Tiger can do is get back on the golf course and win. This whole thing with sex rehabilitation, I’m not sure I’m a believer.”

Woods returned home to Isleworth on 15 February 2010 and it was time to address the world.

Four days later, surrounded by close friends and his mother Kultida, he stood before a television camera in a room at PGA Tour headquarters in Florida. Twenty two TV networks in the US interrupted schedules to broadcast Woods’ 14-minute statement. Never had this supreme champion looked so vulnerable.

He apologised for his “irresponsible and selfish behaviour” and afterwards his mother stated: “I’m so proud to be his mother, period. He didn’t do anything illegal. He didn’t kill anybody.”

The Open champion at the time, Stewart Cink, commented: “It was probably one of the most difficult things he’s ever had to do.”

Woods embraces his mother Kultida after making a statement admitting to cheating on his wife, in December 2009

The night before the apology Woods went to the range to hit his first golf balls since the scandal broke. “I hit them solid,” he is reported to have told Hank Haney, his coach at the time.

He returned to action at the first major of the year, the Masters, a little under two months later and received heavy criticism from Billy Payne, chairman of Augusta National Golf Club.

“He disappointed all of us,” Payne said at a remarkable chairman’s news conference. “And more importantly, our kids and our grandkids. Our hero did not live up to the expectations of the role model we saw for our children.”

Remarkably, Woods finished fourth in the tournament, a stunning result against the best players in the world after four tortuous months away from the game.

Within days Woods split with Haney, who subsequently wrote a tell-all book, The Big Miss. It detailed his hugely successful time coaching Woods and provided unique insights on someone so secretive of his life on and off the course.

Haney revealed Woods’ obsession with the military, that the player had trained with Navy Seals and undergone punishing regimes that put enormous stress on his body.

Throughout his career he has needed multiple surgeries to correct knee, neck and back problems. “Some of the injuries, I believe, did not come from golf,” says Lusetich.

“He went through that crazy phase of wanting to be a Navy Seal and did some dangerous things that hurt both his back and his knee.”

Nevertheless, by 2013 Woods returned to the top of golf’s world rankings. He was dominating the PGA Tour but failed to add to his major tally. No longer feared in the way that he was pre-scandal, he appeared a weaker force on major weekends.

“What happened 10 years ago, I think there was always that aura of invincibility around Tiger, so I think that showed a little bit of a vulnerable side to him,” says Rory McIlroy.

“It humanised him a little bit. It is obviously very hard to come back from something like that from a mental standpoint.”

But as a fellow competitor, McIlroy is also impressed by how Woods coped with the injuries that threatened his career. “He’s been through the wars just with what he’s had to go through physically,” says the current world number two.

“I remember to this day the lunch we had in 2017 and he was sort of talking ‘maybe this is it? Maybe I can’t play anymore’. Then 15 months later he’s winning on the PGA Tour again.”

Weeks after that pessimistic lunch date, on April 20, 2017, Woods had what proved to be a career-saving back fusion operation. It was the last throw of the dice, surgery essentially aimed at making him able to be an active father and family man. If he could compete again as a golfer, that would be a bonus. “It is hard to express how much better I feel,” Woods wrote a month after the procedure, his fourth and most important back surgery.

But, although he was repaired there was more shame to be endured. To cope with the rehab and previous pain, Woods was dependant on a cocktail of painkillers and sedatives. Within days of that upbeat assessment, he consumed a potentially lethal concoction of drugs.

In his system there was Vicodin for pain relief, Dilaudid – a controlled substance to combat severe pain – Xanax to ease anxiety, THC – the active ingredient in marijuana and Ambien to help sleep.

We know this because he was found by Jupiter police slumped at the wheel of his Mercedes car which was parked up with punctured tyres at around 2am on 29 May, 2017.

Video footage of an incoherent, shambolic Woods being questioned by police, handcuffed and put in cells for the night went viral. His puffy-eyed mugshot stared from the front page of pretty much every newspaper.

His DUI (driving under the influence) arrest led to prosecution for reckless driving. There was no alcohol in his system but the episode threatened uncomfortable echoes of his calamitous downfall of 2009.

“The biggest part of his comeback and the one that will get least attention from ‘Camp Tiger’ is that DUI,” insists Lusetich. “I think that was rock bottom.

Woods’ police booking photo after his arrest on suspicion of driving under the influence (DUI)

“When everyone saw him slurring, unable to walk, the great Tiger Woods and that video, there was a sadness to it. It was a tragic vision of a once great but now fallen star.”

Once again Woods needed to put his life back together. He got clean and furthermore found he was able to swing a golf club with freedom. It was a revelation and meant he could do what he always did best – compete.

He came close to winning the 2018 Open at Carnoustie and the US PGA the following month. Then he won the season-ending Tour Championship, eclipsing McIlroy, his playing partner in the final round.

“And fast forward another seven months after that and he’s won another major,” McIlroy says. “I think it’s been incredible.

“I think it shows his character, his mental capacity, his grit that he can come back after all these mishaps, whether it be personal life or the physical injuries that he’s had to endure.”

Woods has reconstructed his whole life since the 2009 crash. Elin divorced him in the wake of the revelations that followed. Between 2013 and 2015 he dated US skier Lindsey Vonn, someone well aware of the unique demands of life in the sporting spotlight. Now the golfer is in a long-term relationship with Erica Herman, general manager of his restaurant in Jupiter, Florida. She was there with his children to greet him at Augusta after Woods won this year’s Masters.

For the champion, the fact that his children were there to witness his 15th major title, his first since the pre-scandal US Open of 2008, was the most thrilling aspect of that extraordinary triumph last April.

“I think he achieved more as a person in the last decade,” says McIlroy. “Think about the wonderful job he has done as a dad to Sam and Charlie.

“That takes up a huge chunk of his time now, trying to be with them as much as possible. He doesn’t travel as much because he doesn’t want to be away from picking them up from school, watching their football matches or any of that.

“That side of him has really blossomed because of all the stuff he’s had to go through,” adds the Northern Irishman.

Earlier this month Woods won again. The Zozo Championship in Japan provided his 82nd PGA Tour success, equalling the record set by the legendary Sam Snead.

The tournament spilled into a fifth day because of weather delays. On the final morning English golfer Ian Poulter warmed up alongside Woods.

Woods is now one PGA Tour success away from setting a new titles record

“He’s amazing,” says the 43-year-old, who has played throughout the Woods era.

“It was as good as I’ve seen Tiger Woods ever hit it. Ever. It was as controlled as I’ve ever seen him,” Poulter adds.

“To listen to the strike, watch the ball flight and to see him finish off that tournament, Tiger has still got it. He doesn’t need his A game, his A minus game is still good enough to get the job done.”

Woods remains deeply private but his image has softened and in a controlled way he lets more people into his life. On Golf TV, where he provides insights for subscribers, he demonstrates previously unseen charm and humour.

“He did a great job of not allowing the human being to come out and be seen,” Lusetich says of Woods’ former life.

“It’s not like he’s an open book these days but things like he does now with Golf TV, and I know they pay him, open him up more and there is more depth to him.”

It has been a remarkable journey over the last decade. From rock bottom, Woods rides high once again. He is a redeemed, restored champion still more vital to his sport than any other player.

Next month he returns to Australia a different man. He captains his country in the Presidents Cup, a Ryder Cup equivalent against the rest of the world outside Europe. He is playing so well he had to pick himself as a wildcard selection.

He turns 44 at the end of this year, a leader and player, fit and fighting and a champion of more substance than the figure who was hiding so many secrets in the first part of his career.

As McIlroy says: “He’s a wonderful ambassador for our game. Everyone involved in golf, you in the media, ourselves as players, equipment manufacturers – everyone benefits from Tiger Woods being at the top of golf.

“I think we should all count ourselves very lucky that he’s still in that position.”

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