#i was thinking of another reason why this mix sounds 'happier' than the original | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thisismyhell · 3 years

Text

With you, Safely

Pairing: Hotch x reader (criminal minds) FLUFF :)

Summary: You have a stalker, and it just so happens the BAU is in the right place at the right time. Can Hotch make you feel safe in your stressful state?

Words: 5k

TWs: blaming yourself, a gun is mentioned, making out!!!!!

Being honest about your personal life was never your strong suit. You always had the habit of leaving out sometimes small, and sometimes big, details about your situation. Whether it was because you found it way too personal, or just simply forgot about the idea of telling someone. You knew that theoretically if the people in your life were good, they would be there for you. But, you also knew that you had some people in your life who were not so good, and the lines often blurred in your mind. So when you started getting anonymous threats sent to your workplace, it took you a while to come to terms with the fact that you should tell someone.

Taking your boss’s advice, you went to the police station. You have never had a reason to engage with a cop before, and if you were honest with yourself, you were not exactly thrilled at the concept. Especially under your circumstances. Not only did you hate the idea of talking about your personal life, but asking for actual help made you nauseous. It made you physically uncomfortable to put yourself out there like that, admitting to being vulnerable and not being able to take care of the situation quietly on your own. You understood that having threats sent to you like this was not a casual situation you could take care of, but you were still mentally trying to get out of this realization. Everything is fine if you just don’t talk about it, right?

“How can I help you today?” the receptionist asked, bringing you back into reality. “Um, sorry - I just..I think I may have a s-stalker? I don’t really know though, it might not even be that serious-”, “okay, what makes you think you have a stalker?” you were thankful she had taken the lead in this conversation. “Well, I-uh, I have been getting threats. Like, sent to my workplace? I don’t know, like, letters and packages from someone I don’t know. It might not be serious, my boss.. My boss just thought I should tell the police?” You were so uncomfortable, and the woman helping you could tell. “Alright well, how about you step into an office over here and we can take you information, and you can tell an officer everything you can. How does that sound?” Her kind eyes were easing your shoulders from their crunched up state. “That would be helpful, yes, t-thank you”. You followed her into an office where an officer wrote down everything you described to them.

Taking the bus back to your apartment, you felt some tension leave your body. It had been maybe 2-3 months of keeping this to yourself, and you finally had the energy to tell someone. Someone who could maybe actually put you at ease. You probably didn’t have a stalker, let’s be real. That stuff never happens in real life, the concept was so far away from being real to you. Exiting the bus you kept telling yourself everything would be fine, and this would blow over in a week. You walked up the steps to your one bedroom, and found a stack of mail at your doorstep. Picking it up and entering your home, and flipped through. A bill, some junk mail, and some letter with no return address on it. Actually, it just had your info and nothing else, not even a stamp. You put the rest of your mail down and opened the mysterious letter. Your heart sank when you realized what it was.

“Why did you have to tell them about us? Everything was going so well.”

That’s all it said inside the letter. You dropped it, and called the station asking for the officer you were just speaking to. They told you that you were lucky, because the FBI was in town that week and had just finished up another case. You were told they had some extra time on their hands, and you could come in tomorrow to speak with them. You sighed and agreed, hanging up in relief. This would blow over, everything would be just fine.

The BAU team was getting ready to head back to their hotel room when Hotch was pulled aside by an officer at the precinct they were working at. “Sir, I’m sorry to ask about this on your way out. But a woman came in earlier about a stalker sending threats to her workplace. We took her story and information, but she just called me back. She got a letter in the mail saying she shouldn’t have told the police. The guy knows where she lives”.

The team all gathered around the officer. Hotch reached out, “she came in today about this, and he escalated that quickly?”. “Wait, if she was here today, how did we miss her?” Reid probed. The officer shook his head, “the lady was so quiet, she seemed hesitant to even be here in the first place. As soon as she finished her side and said that was all she knew, she was gone. Quietest girl I’ve ever seen”. “She must not have thought it was serious,” commented Morgan.

“Sure, but a stalker rarely sends threats to the object of his desire without preparing for some kind of meeting. Officer, tell her to come back to the station and we can make a profile”. The officer told him she was already on the way, and she’d be there in less than an hour.

Feeling shook up, you entered the station for the second time that day. The receptionist recognized you, and walked with you to where the BAU team was working. You felt somewhat shameful that such a big deal was being made over you, but you had to keep reminding yourself that you were not safe in your own home at this time. So you swallowed your pride, and right when you were about to try and get their attention, a tall dark haired gentleman introduced himself. “Good evening, you must be y/n. You can call me Hotch, and this is my team-”, you listed as he told you everyone’s name, thankful for his close proximity to you. Sure it was cheesy, but having a man like Hotch around you made you feel safe. You looked up at him, “thank you all, really - you didn’t have to stay in town just for this”. Hotch cut you off, “Nonsense. We were already here, and having a stalker know where you live on top of where you work is not something to ignore. We will help create a profile for you, you might know who it is without realizing it. You nodded, realizing for the first time in the past 3 months just how tired you were of this. Hotch immediately picked up on your body language, leading you to where a couch was placed in the back of the room.

You sat down next to Reid, the young doctor. He smiled at you almost as awkwardly as you smiled at him. Feeling safe on the couch, you let yourself relax a bit more. The situation you had gotten yourself into was far from ideal, but at least now you weren’t alone in it. However selfish it made you feel, you were happier to be here with the overworked team instead of your lonely apartment. You looked around and it seemed like the entire BAU were trying to profile you. Maybe they were, it was their job of course. You made eye contact with Hotch, who nodded at you, giving you the opportunity to tell your side of things.

“It started 2 or 3 months ago when I got some letter delivered to me at work. It was weird since like, why would I get mail at work? But I opened it and it was just a description of what I looked like, like in a poem. But I googled it and it’s an original. I couldn’t find it anywhere. So that threw me off but I didn’t take it seriously. I work in retail, I see a million people every shift, you know? I thought it was just some guy who was into me and was weird about it. But then I started getting them more and more often, but just at work. I got sent pictures of myself, presents, and they never had return addresses. And they all had the same handwriting so it was easy to assume it was the same guy. But today...I got a letter to my apartment. To where I live...alone. That’s never happened”.

The team took in your words, looking like they had definitely seen this kind of thing before. Your gut had the mixed feeling of relief and worry. If they had seen this before they knew what to do, but that meant that they had to do something. Hotch looked at you, “luckily, we should be able to end this before he goes further. Can you tell us anyone in your life, no matter how small, that might want to hurt you, or even someone who holds some animosity towards you?”. You thought about it, and though you had a hunch, you were hoping it wasn’t true. “My..my ex boyfriend. I thought we ended things amicably, but I don’t think he ever got over it. I was hoping it wasn’t him”. The team all nodded, this was probably more common that you thought.

You stood up, “I’m sorry, I just need some air”. You stepped into the hallway for some quiet, when you heard the office door open and close behind you. You recognized his cologne, Hotch came out and stood in front of you. “I know how uncomfortable this situation must be. Is there anything we can do to make you more comfortable in the meantime?”. The man had the kindest eyes, even under his stern brows. You wondered if he practiced this expression, the perfect balance between intimidating and soft. You hoped you were that good and being readable, that way you wouldn’t have to open your mouth. Weirdly, the only thing you wanted in that moment was a coffee. Something to keep you warm and give you some much needed energy. Having yourself on display like this all day had been exhausting. You were amazed when Hotch spoke, “there’s a coffee place across the street. The machine in here is broken, thankfully. I’ll take you”. He gently hovered his hand on the small of your back, as if asking permission to guide you out of the building.

He walked you out, opening doors for you on the way. Walking into the shop with an FBI agent on your arm made you feel safe for the first time in a couple months. You weren’t one to rely on others in any capacity, but in that moment, you let yourself feel relaxed with the man’s presence. It was literally his job to keep you safe, and you’d be lying if that fact didn’t give you butterflies. You were a little too engulfed with taking him in that you didn’t notice he was speaking to you. “Sorry? I’m sorry, I must have zoned out, what were you saying?” you stammered, and he just looked down at you and smiled, repeating his question. “I was asking what you would like to drink? I assume coffee, but I wasn’t sure what your preference was”, he was smiling down at you, and you forgot about every type of coffee that has ever existed. “Oh! Um, a vanilla latte. But you don’t have to get it for me, I can take care of myself-” he cut you off with a single look. “Although I am more than sure you are capable of taking care of yourself, I would like to give you this one thing, if you’d let me”. You swallowed, “I guess- I guess I can let you do this one thing. For me. Thank you, sir”. He ordered your drinks and the two of you stood at the next counter waiting for them. Hotch quietly spoke to you, almost like it was just the two of you in the entire building, “as much as I appreciate the title, please call me Hotch”. You found yourself suppressing a giggle at the feeling of his voice so close to your neck, you were definitely not used to this level of attention. “Okay, Hotch it is”.

You grabbed your drinks, and he held the door open for you on the way out. He moved his hand from your back where you had gotten so used to it, and he walked right into the road. You watched as he lifted his hand, stopping traffic to let you cross alongside him. What you didn’t see, was Morgan looking out the window at you two, and beckoning the team to come see how Hotch was treating you. “Damn, he must really like coffee today”. Reid joined him at the window, “actually, Hotch always has a next level of confidence after a case ends well. Y/n must be his outlet for a good mood”. Rossi sat at his desk working on a file, “yeah.. Pretty nice outlet if you ask me”.

The two of you came back into the meeting room, and you couldn’t help the blush you felt when you noticed the team all glance at each other at the site of you two. This kind of attention was okay you thought, as long as he’s the source. Hotch pulled out a chair for you to sit next to him, and the team gathered at the meeting table.

After some deliberation, and completely downing your coffee, you all came to the conclusion that based on your ex’s habits and personality, it was almost definitely him. So you created a plan to lure him out and catch him in the act. Unfortunately for you however, this meant having to literally face your problem. The team seemed confident enough, but Hotch could feel your body stiffen at the thoughts running through your head. Since meeting you just a couple hours prior, it turned out he could read you like a book. You couldn’t tell yet, but he could. He caught your jaw tighten, and he gently placed his hand on your shoulder, “y/n, you do not have to do this. We can find another way if you cannot bring yourself to go through with this plan”. He was being kind, but you all knew that this was for the best. You softly grinned at him, “thank you, Hotch, but I can do this. I want to face him”. And with that, you all left to get into your various positions.

The plan was simple. In one of the letters you received, he stated that once you finally realized he was the one meant for you, you would get a table for two at the restaurant you had your first date, and you would prove to him you meant it by waiting for one whole hour, sitting there. Alone, while he supposedly watched you and your body language, and would then arrive. You would be wearing a wire, and once he started threatening you in person and possibly making a scene, the BAU would swoop in and save the day. You were confident in your role, not that you had to do much. You borrowed some date-type clothing from Emily, and you were now heading into the restaurant wearing your wire. You knew that this could all go horribly wrong, but hopefully whatever did happen, brought an end to your unhappiness.

Taking the 100th deep breath of the day, you told the hostess your party name and they sat you down at your table. Thankfully your waiter was in on what was going on, so they wouldn’t be asking you about food until your ex came and sat down. You felt so exposed, of course your table was in the dead centre of the restaurant. You weren’t aware of the agents stationed around you, Reid pointed out that if you knew too much then the stalker would be able to read your body language too well. So you say there, sucking on the ice cubes from your water knowing what a long night this was going to be.

“How are you feeling, y/n?” Hotch scared the daylights out of you, causing you to swallow your ice cube by accident. You gasped, but recovered smoothly. You kept your face as straight as you could without openly talking to yourself, “you scared me, I didn’t know you’d be on the other end of this thing”. You heard him softly chuckle, easing the tension. “Well, having you wired would be pretty useless if we couldn’t hear each other”. You smiled to yourself. Obviously he was right, but for some reason you just didn’t clue in that it could be him, out of everyone on the team, to be the one consoling you tonight. Maybe they were in on how he made you feel. Mentally thanking Hotch for his presence, “you’re right, how silly of me. Here I am feeling all alone in here without realizing who has my back”. There was a small pause on the other end before he replied, “you are far from alone in there, y/n”. You didn’t think it was possible given the circumstances, but you felt safe here in that moment too. You swore you could feel his physical presence even through the tiny earpiece.

Some time passed, and with talking as minimally as you could, you realized an hour was about to pass. Now you had to prepare yourself for the confrontation. You were fine, but emotionally and mentally, you were not thrilled for the exhaustion you knew you’d be feeling in the next few moments. Looking out the windows of the patio, you saw him. Walking oddly through the crowd to the front doors. You knew this was going to be some sort of confrontation, but honestly you didn’t think that far ahead of what you would be saying or doing. Sensing some heating tension between your ex and the hostess, you found yourself frozen to your spot. He was just supposed to come in, say his name and be escorted over, what was going on? The hostess knew what to do, so why was tension rising? “Hotch..” you whispered, trying to get his attention. You heard a very quiet “don’t move”, before seeing your ex flash a gun hidden in his waistband. If you weren’t frozen before, you sure were by now. He hadn’t seen you yet, which was good. Maybe they’ll get to him before he gets to you. Slowly standing up from your seat with no intention to do anything but drop dead, you felt yourself taking a step towards him. You didn’t know why but something inside you told you that this whole thing was a mistake, and whatever was about to happen was your own fault, and you needed to stop it. You could talk to him and calm him down, that’s what your whole relationship was based on anyway. He just needed to be with you, and he would stop the hostility.

As you were taking your third step in his direction, Hotch stepped in front of you, holding out the side of his jacket to stop your ex from seeing you. You felt his other arm ghost around your waist, his cologne seeping into the dress you borrowed. “Don’t let him see me..” you whispered. “I won’t let him do anything to you, y/n”. You let Hotch take the lead and guide you into the kitchen, out of harm's way. You didn’t realize you were quietly crying until you were standing against the cool tile wall, and Hotch brushed a tear away with his thumb. He went to leave, presumably to help arrest the man who was going to kill you. Before he could take another step, you grabbed his hand more forcefully than you thought you had the strength to. “Please, don’t leave me”. Hotch saw the pleading look in your eyes, and leaned into his phone, “take care of it, Morgan”. You let yourself quietly cry against the wall, facing Hotch. You were so incredibly embarrassed, this was all your fault. You should have realized who your stalker was immediately and squashed this whole problem by yourself. The fact that someone was being arrested right now because of you, made you sick. Sure, it was in order to keep you safe, but you still felt like a burden. The FBI shouldn’t be here. This shouldn’t have happened.

Hotch couldn’t bring himself to just stand there and watch you fall apart, so he put his arms around you, gently squeezing you enough to make you feel present. You let yourself get your tears on his uniform, it was just something else to apologize for later. You almost collapsed, having all this mental weight pulling you down to the ground. Before you could fall, Hotch steadied you, pressing you against the wall in his hug to get you more grounded. The feeling of the cold tile against the back of your neck helped center you. Hotch let you go slowly, testing to see if you would stay standing without him. It tore him up inside seeing cases like these, and yours was no different. Now letting you stand on your own, the two of you held eye contact. “Y/n, you are safe. You never have to see him again. He cannot hurt you. He can’t hurt you anymore”. It was like he was saying it to the both of you as a mantra, getting you to feel okay and safe, and to bring him back to reality. He wanted to keep you safe, to open every door for you and stop traffic for you. Bring you coffee whenever you asked and even when you didn’t. He wanted you to understand how important you were, and how this was not your fault. He knew you blamed yourself, he could see it in your face and in your tears.

You weren’t crying anymore, but you were exhausted. You wanted Hotch to just pick you up and take you home, take you anywhere but here. There was something in his demeanor that made you feel like a flower next to him. This big FBI agent, holding you up against the wall making sure you don’t fall over. You were almost killed tonight and all you could think about was just how strong Hotch was. Not to mention how good he smelled. He moved his grip from around your shoulders, down to around your waist. He pulled you into another deep embrace, this one feeling more personal. You had your arms around him but under his jacket, letting it fall around the two of you. You pulled away at the same time, and you muttered a small “thank you”.

He towered over you, and he still had a concerned look in his eyes. You could tell he wanted to say something, so you nodded to try and get it out of him. “We both know you are safe now. That man is going back to the police station to be processed as the criminal he is..” he stopped, but you knew he wasn’t finished. You let him breath before continuing, “y/n, you live alone and today your life was threatened. You deserve to sleep somewhere tonight where you do not have to worry about a single thing”. He was right. You wanted to stay awake all night, knowing the moment you’d step back into your apartment you’d feel like you were in a cage. Your parents lived just outside the city, maybe you could have a police escort. But it was so late, and you hated the idea of waking up your parents just to baby you tonight. You knew exactly where you wanted to be, but how can you ask an FBI agent to extend his duties into watching over you through the night? All these thoughts raced through your mind in the second it took Hotch to open his mouth again, “I have an idea but the last thing I want is for you to feel pressured into saying yes, or scaring you off”. Now you were interested, the evening seemed to be playing out in your favour afterall. He continued, “y/n, the team and I are staying at the hotel downtown. I would be more than happy to pull some strings, and say we need an extra room for the night. We leave in the morning, but you’d be on a floor filled with FBI agents”. You accepted the offer maybe a little quickly, but thankfully he wasn’t put off with your enthusiasm. You leaned in again and held his suit collar, “thank you, Hotch. All I want is to feel safe tonight”. Looking up at him, a million thoughts crossed your mind all at once. You wanted to hire this man as your personal bodyguard. With the look you saw in his eye, he might even say yes. The next few moments were only seconds apart, but they felt like an eternity. Hotch placed his hands around your jaw, tilting your head up towards him. He looked at you with ocean’s in his eyes and whispered again like you were the only two in the entire building, “I can keep you safe, y/n”, before leaning in and giving you a kiss so grounding you swore he had you in the palm of his hand.

“Guys, we’re good let’s head back - “ Morgan cut himself off when he saw Hotch removing his hands from you. Hotch cleared his throat, “y/n will be staying at the hotel with us tonight. I don’t think it would be wise for her to go back home alone”. You were hoping Morgan couldn’t see you holding on to Hotch’s forearm like your life depended on it. He got the idea, and the 3 of you left in the SUV back downtown.

Once you entered the lobby, the team went up to their rooms as Hotch took you to the front desk. He enquired about getting an extra room just for you, and the manager handed you your key for the night. Slowly making your way up to the shared floor, you started to digest all the events that happened during your day. You almost got lost in your own brain, but Hotch pulled you back out when he placed his hand on the small of your back with confidence, leading you out into the hallway. You found your room, just a couple door’s down from where Hotch said he was. You were excited to be staying in a fancy hotel, even for just one night. As much as you wanted Hotch to come in with you, you knew he was technically still at work. But once again as if he could read your mind, Hotch was the one to open your door and see you inside safely. You took in your room. It was gorgeous with a king bed and a view for days. Putting your things down on the bed, you looked to Hotch, who seemed to be fidgeting slightly. He had been so confident in front of you all day, what was making him act like that?

“Is there anything else you need? I’d be happy to get anything-”, “thank you Hotch, really. But I have everything that I need right here in this room”. You gave him another soft smile, and you went to see him out. Your door was still closed, and Hotch was reaching to open it. He turned back around to you without realizing how close you were standing behind him. “If you change your mind, I’m just a couple doors down. I don’t sleep much, so it won’t be hard to get me”. You thought to yourself and spoke, “actually, I don’t sleep much either. I’ve had insomnia since I was a child”.

“Really?” he asked you, returning a smirk. “Really”, you offered. You moved around him and leaned against the door, wanting to continue the conversation. Hotch took another guess at what you wanted, and he slowly pressed himself against your small frame, holding you in place. You let out a small sigh, showing him you didn’t mind at all. He took your waist in his hands for the second time that evening, and placed his lips against yours. He kissed you so softly and so gently, you thought you were going to float away. And his grip on you said he felt the same way. Digging his fingers harder into your waist asking permission to deepen the kiss, you granted him access. You opened your mouth to heat the moment, and Hotch was thrilled. He was pressing you into the door like he was afraid you’d otherwise fall through the floor. You were on your tiptoes kissing him and he wouldn’t let you feel any of your weight. You were completely pinned, and you loved it. You felt so secure between him and the door, knowing you were not going anywhere without him guiding you there first. He was protecting you with everything he could, never allowing you to go more than a split second without having his mouth on you.

If the two of you couldn’t sleep, you wouldn’t mind being pinned all night long. Hotch was huge, towering over you from the moment you met. But he had the softest eyes you’d ever seen. He was kissing you like it was keeping you alive, and you wouldn’t be surprised if it was. You were gripping his shirt in your fists, seeing what he would allow you to do under his restrictions. He let you run your hands all over him, encouraging him to do the same to you. The two of you broke away at the same time for air. He looked down at you like you could break if he said the wrong thing. “If this is helping at all, I can stay longer if you need me-” you answered the lame question with a sloppy kiss on his neck, “Hotch, please stay with me”. With that, he gathered you in his arms and brought you to the bed.

_______________________

should i do a part 2??

#criminal minds imagine #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds x reader #reader insert #hotch x you #criminal minds x you #spencer reid #aaron hotch fanfiction #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotch imagine #fluff #criminal minds fluff #derek morgan #emily prentiss

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olivinesea · 3 years

Text

A Mixed Blessing

Chapter List

chapter eight: starting to rust

a/n: Just barely coming in at under a month, oops. I think I’m going to take a break from this one for now, it seems to be a little too much while my thoughts are occupied with school things. When I planned this all out originally, this chapter was a possible ending point but then I got ambitious and there’s quite a bit more plotted out after this. But it might be a while before I come back to it, we’ll see. Anyway, thanks for coming along for all the torture, I know it wasn’t a pleasant time but the hurt can be nice occasionally? I’ll try to write something a little kinder in the future. Warnings for all the same things —substances, abuse, some very dark thoughts and themes. ~5.7k

Aaron tries to keep it all together but the world is indifferent.

He tried to stay away, he really did. As if he could see into the future, he could imagine how quickly he would tarnish her smile, could picture it fading right in front of him. He had nightmares where Haley sat, unresponsive and slowly dissolving. But she was insistent, seeking him out, towing him along with her through her day. She’d find him at lunch and push half a sandwich at him once she realized he hadn’t brought anything to eat. Brought him along after school to loiter in the sun with the other theater kids killing time between the end of class and the start of rehearsals, loudly asserting their presence on the world. Aaron hung back, uncomfortable around such casual chaos, everyone moving too fast, speaking too loudly. Compared to his world, Haley’s life was bright, unrestrained, and viscerally present. He didn’t fit there. He stuck out in his silence, dressed in his dark clothes, still too big on him though he was finally starting to grow.

The other kids eyed him suspiciously, muttering quietly about him when they thought he couldn’t hear. Only Haley’s position at the top of whatever social apparatus they operated by kept them from outright excluding him. He didn’t mind too much, he’d heard worse, what did he care what these kids thought of him anyway? What did they know with their golden lives, their excitement, their expectations for the future? Haley’s people believed that the world was for them, would provide what they wanted when they wanted. He found it odd, watching them as they screeched and tackled each other, a blur of color so jarring he had to squint.

He could feel how his difference was noted, their eyes making the back of his neck itch. More than once he tried to disappear but every time Haley slipped her hand into his, squeezing gently, pulling him back toward the group. She’d smile, encouraging, her belief that it would all work out, that he could assimilate given enough time, was unwavering. Her optimism baffled him, sometimes even irritated him. He would inevitably feel guilty about that. Surely it was ungrateful for him to find fault in this girl who had welcomed him when there was absolutely no need for her to do so.

Not everyone was tolerant of Aaron’s presence. The drama teacher regarded him with suspicion, allowing him to stay but making it clear that she was doing him a favor. It helped that he was able to sing, shoring up the weak lower register of the female dominated cast. He was given a minor role, nothing too complicated, nothing that would embarrass them if he failed, as she assumed he would. Some of the other kids caught on to this disapproval, emboldened by it they became less subtle in the ways that they mocked him. Aaron tried to mind his own business, even skipping out on rehearsals when the attention became too much. But Haley inevitably found him, running to catch him after school as he tried to escape out a side door. She dragged him back again and again, refusing to give up on him. Insisting she had seen something special, something she thought she could coax out if given enough time—like a stray dog, so used to mistreatment that he bristled when people came near but still craved affection.

He followed reluctantly, acutely conscious of the growing dislike, mutiny thickening the air. Everything was too sharp these days, he’d lost his sources for getting high. All he had were his cigarettes, too afraid to steal alcohol from his father. He desperately wanted to go back into the woods, to fall back under the quiet spell of muffled words about nothing, watching the light filter through the branches, sparkling as the leaves moved with the breeze. He hated it here, in the building, surrounded by these people with their constant need to be heard, each louder than the last. The smells of the theater, new paint and old fabrics and so much dust made it hard to breath. The too bright lights, unnaturally hot against his skin, and the way every sound echoed made his head ache. He’d be long gone if it wasn’t for the way Haley’s touch made his heart skip, her fingers lightly brushing across his arm to get his attention. Or the way she looped her arm through his as she caught him in the hallway and insisted on walking with him to class, leading him along her sheltered path.

Aaron wondered at the lightness of her head rested against his shoulder as they sat in the grass, sticking her tongue out at something stupid another kid said, then smiling when she heard his smothered laughter. He let his attention drift, eyes wandering until he saw a group in the distance. He watched as they moved away from school, easily guessing where they were headed. He felt a pang of longing as he watched them leave, wishing he could still be part of that. He wasn’t sure he had been happy with Cole but he had at least felt like he was in the right place, like he had found someone who understood him. No one here was like him, no one less so than Haley. He was attracted to her in a different way, fascinated at how she viewed the world and how the world viewed her. He’d never known anyone who moved so easily through life, who was loved and desired by everyone she met. He couldn’t begin to imagine what that felt like though he agreed with the rest of them, she was something special. He didn’t understand why she wanted him around but he wasn’t going to contradict her. Still, he wished to be gone with the group as they sought out unobserved spaces.

“Aaron?” Haley squeezed his knee, drawing his attention back.

“Hmm?” He had no idea what she had been saying.

“Do you want to come to Mike’s house after rehearsal tonight? His parents are out of town.”

Aaron looked dubiously across the group at Mike, someone who was clear in his dislike of Aaron.

“Please?”

Aaron shrugged a shoulder, shifting uncomfortably and causing Haley to sit up.

“It’ll be fun. And it’ll be good for you to get to know everyone a little better. You’re so quiet all the time.”

“I don’t think he likes me very much,” Aaron murmured, watching as Mike narrowed his eyes in their direction.

“Don’t be silly,” she said as she hopped up. “C’mon, let’s go inside, it’s almost time.”

He looked up at her, now standing above him. Their eyes met and she smiled. She was pleased with how much he’d been softening. It had only been a few weeks and already he seemed more comfortable, at least with her. She congratulated herself a little, privately, on her success. People had gone out of their way to warn her when she started hanging out with him, bringing him places with her. He was bad, he was dangerous, he would hurt her. But she knew, had known from that first time she saw him looking at her, he wouldn’t hurt her, not ever. He wasn’t so complicated, she reasoned, they were all just scared away by his dark features, his perpetual scowl, the whispered rumors about his family. She, Haley Brooks, was better than that, deeper and more sympathetic. He wouldn’t be the first broken creature she’d healed, but he would be her biggest project yet. She didn’t imagine it could be that hard. Everyone was always happier around her, she could fix this.

He sighed, shaking his head and stood up. Sometimes he could see her watching him and he wasn’t sure he liked the look on her face. Like she was assessing him, marking his progress along some scale she had in her mind. Noting when he ate, when he was rested, when he laughed. He felt a little bit like an animal in a laboratory. But then she would smile at him and he forgot all his hesitation, forgot how he disliked being watched, how much he hated people thinking they knew what he needed. No one had ever cared like her before and he wasn’t sure what she expected in return. But he let himself forget all that and follow her where she led for another chance at that smile, another chance to hear her say his name, sounding so different coming from her lips that it might be a different name entirely.

One of her friends, already halfway back to the building, called Haley’s name and she skipped over to her, confident that Aaron would follow. He watched her go before turning back to pick up his backpack. When he straightened up, Mike was standing very close to him. Aaron wondered at how he’d moved so quickly.

“I hope you don’t think you’re coming to my house, loser.”

Aaron stared at him, debating what to do. He didn’t particularly want to go to this party, he’d really prefer not to go. But Haley had invited him and he didn’t like the way this guy was always looking at her possessively, then looking at Aaron like he’d like to strangle him. Not exactly subtle.

Mike stepped in closer. “Did you hear me? Or are you too high?” He turned to his friends and forced a laugh, “Maybe you shouldn’t have fried your brain with your little homo boyfriend.”

Aaron didn’t think, he just reacted, fist swinging up and punching the other boy in the jaw. He stumbled back, holding a hand to his face, eyes frozen wide in shock. Aaron didn’t pause, only advanced on him, swinging again. It felt good, the anger that was always simmering in his chest, the anger he only barely distracted himself from, finally had an outlet. It probably wasn’t a fair fight, Mike had been expecting Aaron to quietly take the insults as he’d been doing, pretending to ignore them as they needled him whenever Haley was out of earshot. But this insult was too far. More of a mean jab in the dark than an actual accusation, his words had hit a nerve and unlocked a force within Aaron.

Once he landed the first punch, his vision clouded over with anger and he continued to swing at the other kid. The other boys quickly jumped in, once the surprise of seeing Aaron actually fight back wore off, once they realized he meant to do real harm to their friend. He already had Mike pinned on the ground, lip bleeding, hands covering his face, before two more of his friends managed to drag Aaron off. He swung at them too, no technique but plenty of experience on the receiving end. He knew what would hurt and he had enough rage to power him through a dozen opponents. One of the others pulled him off balance, using his grip on Aaron’s wrist to fling him to the side. They blocked his path to Mike, who was scrambling backward on the grass, putting more distance between himself and this suddenly rabid opponent. Breathing hard, Aaron glared at the group, realizing he didn’t have enough strength to overpower them all, despite his murderous desire. He spit in their direction, then grabbed his bag and stalked away.

He didn’t have to think about where he was going. There was only one place to go. He’d tried to be a part of the regular world, a part of a world where time continued evenly, where lights turned on when it was dark and spotlights burned brightest on those with merit. He’d tried to fit himself into that space for Haley’s sake but he had only been fooling himself. They’d known he didn’t belong and he’d finally overstayed his welcome. It was time for him to retreat to the unlit corners of the world, return to the margins of society where people could avert their eyes, where it was easier for them to pretend they didn’t see the wrongness of the boy in front of them. He’d go back to the place in the woods and hope there was someone there that could give him what he wanted, could help him disconnect from this too bright reality. He was as sick of it as they were of him. He allowed himself a brief flicker of hope that he might find Cole out there, with his understanding and their shared history he didn’t have to think about his walls so much. But he stomped down hard on that desire, reminding himself how he had still ended up alone. No, it didn’t need to be Cole, it didn’t need to be anyone in particular, as long as they had something to get him high he didn’t care. It wouldn’t matter for very long anyway.

He crashed across the grass, his anger making his steps heavier, his thoughts louder. He didn’t realize he was being followed, that someone was calling his name. He didn’t notice until there was a hand tugging at the elbow of his jacket. He spun around fast, ready to fight. Haley shrank back at the anger in his face, the wildness in his eyes. He clenched his fists when he recognized her, trying and failing to pull back the storm of emotion that had been knocked loose. He never wanted to scare her but she was following where she didn’t belong. He only had so much control.

“Go away.”

“Are you hurt? Where are you going? Why’d you attack—”

She didn’t even have the question fully formed before he turned and started walking again, unwilling to be accused of something that wasn’t remotely his fault. He didn’t like the way it stung him, hearing that she assumed his guilt. He didn’t like that he’d let her get so close, let her have such influence over him. She ran a little to get ahead of him, taking a deep breath to steady herself. She was frightened by his fury, but she wouldn’t let him go this easily. Not after she’d spent so many hours persuading him to join her world.

“Aaron.”

He stopped short when he heard his name, looked at her with some of his anger melting into sadness, feeling betrayed even though he knew he had no one to blame but himself.

“I didn’t start it,” he could barely get the words out, hated how much he wanted her to believe him, hated that he had to explain himself.

She rubbed her face, trying to think as she pressed her palm against her lips. She found she was more frightened of this new emotion than she was of the anger. He looked so hopeless.

“I’m sorry, I just…” she didn’t know what to say now that she’d gotten him to stop, now that she could see past the heated front of anger and could see some of the broken edges he did so much to hide. Wasn’t this what she’d been asking for?

He watched her struggle with what to say, saw the moment the pity started to creep into her eyes. Before she could say anything else, before she could make him feel worse, he started walking again, pushing past her. “Just leave me alone,” he muttered. He didn’t bother to check if she followed.

When he reached the clearing it was empty except for one person stretched out on a broken down couch. At first all he could see was the back of their head, the dirty blond hair sticking up in places. The recognition was a visceral feeling, clawing through his chest. He almost couldn’t believe it was real, that he was getting exactly what he hoped for. Cole sat up when he heard Aaron’s heavy footsteps cracking through the dead leaves and sticks littering the ground. He remained seated, looking at Aaron idly, as if no time had passed, as if he’d only been waiting for Aaron to turn up after class. Aaron felt so many conflicting emotions, had so many things he wanted to say that he could only stand with his jaw clenched against the flood of words he knew he would regret. Cole twitched the corner of his mouth in a slightly mocking smile and Aaron snapped. He grabbed Cole by the collar, pulling him to his feet, unsure whether he meant to strangle him or kiss him. Cole’s gaze shifted to look behind him.

“Why’d you bring your girlfriend with you?”

Too caught up in the charge of the moment, Aaron didn’t understand what he was talking about. Cole pulled away and lifted his chin in the direction he was facing. Aaron turned and saw Haley. She’d continued to follow him, concerned about what he was planning on doing, haunted by the hollowed out look in his eyes. She stood, apprehensive, eyes darting between the two.

He scowled. “Go back to school Haley.”

“But—are you okay?” She stumbled over her words, staring openly at Cole. She’d seen him in the distance, even noticed how Aaron sometimes watched him when their paths crossed. He looked even more menacing up close.

“I’m fine.” His mouth pressed together, biting his lower lip to keep his composure. He didn’t understand why she was being so persistent, why she wouldn’t just go away like everyone else. When she still hesitated he got impatient. There were things he needed to handle and he didn’t need her here getting in the way. He waved his hand at her, brushing away her attention. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

From behind him Cole fluttered his fingers at her with false sweetness. She hated the way he was grinning at her, his obvious confidence that he was the one in charge of the situation. She glared at him and he laughed.

She looked one more time at Aaron, who was no longer paying attention to her, had turned back to Cole entirely. She shook her head. Fine, if he wanted this it was hardly her problem. What did she even know of his life anyway? Trying not to feel like she’d lost, she retraced the path back to school.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Aaron started in on Cole. His thoughts were disorganized and barely coherent but he’d spent weeks trying to understand the sudden distance. He needed Cole to explain, to know his reasons for turning on him so quickly after all that they’d shared.

“What the fuck—” He hadn’t finished his question before Cole clamped his hand over his mouth.

“Shut up.”

Their eyes met and there was a mental struggle for the upper hand. One thing that had changed in the past few weeks was Aaron’s strength. No longer constantly submerged in a haze of intoxication, he felt everything more pointedly and he was ready to direct that pain elsewhere. He wanted to bite Cole, to scratch at his face, to scream at him for way he’d been abandoned, the sickness and shame he’d had to endure on his own. But the warmth of Cole’s palm, the familiar smell of his skin, the muscle memory of being in this exact position was too much. He relented almost instantly, sinking into the couch, pulling his knees up against his chest and waiting to see what Cole would do next.

Cole watched him thoughtfully, interested by this new spark of resistance but also pleased that he hadn’t made it too far on his own. A little fight kept things interesting, staved off the boredom Cole so often felt. It was probably that girl he’d been with, giving him ideas. He could see he’d have to do some damage control to bring Aaron back completely.

“I’m sorry,” he looked down, measuring drops of sincerity. “My grandma, she saw…she said she was going to report you.”

Aaron was confused, he didn’t know exactly what she could report about him but he heard the edge in Cole’s voice, knew better than to dig deeper. Cole sat down beside him, pulling one of his hands loose from where he’d wrapped it tightly around his legs. He traced Aaron’s palm with his thumb, looking into his face again.

“You know I didn’t mean it right? I didn’t have a choice.”

Aaron recoiled, sickened by the number of times those words had echoed through his life. Worse though was how easily he was willing to give into them if it only meant he could have back a little of that warmth he had found. He ducked his head and shrugged.

Cole squeezed his hand. “Good, cause I think I’ve got something you’ll like.” He let go and dug around in the couch cushions, pulling out a crumpled paper bag. When he smiled at Aaron, that familiar greedy smile, Aaron admitted to himself that he wasn’t here to fight with Cole, that he had never been coming for that. This was all he wanted, was all he was good for: to be lied to and to be led astray. He didn’t mind as long as he didn’t have to be fully present for it. He sat up a little straighter.

“Alright, let’s do it.”

They fell back in with one another but it remained uneasy. Aaron was still not allowed back at Cole’s house and he was afraid to miss too much class. Lately his father had been grumbling about sending him away and he wasn’t entirely sure he meant away to live somewhere else or away from life entirely. There were no peaceful interactions between them, only lucky days where Aaron successfully avoided being seen. A sudden increase in truancy calls would not work out well for him. If he had been a little more mature, a little less caught up in his own teenage drama, he might have noticed the changes in his father’s face, the way the lines grew deeper as his frame grew thinner. As it was he only noticed as much as he needed to know to keep himself out of the direct path of destruction. He once might have cared to notice his mother crying more, even when his father wasn’t there to be the cause of it but he was long past feeling any sort of connection to her. If she was troubled, she could find someone else to support her. She certainly hadn’t done anything to help him all these years. Nothing that he could see.

At school Haley continued to pester him. She stood up for him against the accusations that he had attacked Matt for no reason so he was still allowed at play rehearsals. He went grudgingly, only because he couldn’t shake the way he felt bewitched by Haley. Now he tried even harder to stay out of any social situations, to keep things strictly professional with the group of theater kids. However, he couldn’t help but enjoy Haley’s company at lunch and in between classes. Much as Aaron had disliked her friends, he couldn’t resist the brilliance of her personality. She made him feel like being a whole person was possible, made him forget for a few moments what he really was. She may have made him a little uncomfortable but she was relentlessly kind, and he was more than expert at keeping things hidden so he let her think she was doing some good as she badgered him into eating more and forced him to study. Even if it was only pretend, they were both getting something from it.

Only after the school day was over would he would slink away to the woods where he’d meet Cole. Cole still wasn’t speaking to him on campus, too aware of how their obvious closeness before had been risky. He hadn’t changed in their time apart either, his mood still swinging wildly from affection to disgust. It didn’t feel great but Aaron needed him, needed what Cole could give him. Attention and a steady supply of drugs. He didn’t have to worry about his insufficiencies around Cole, they were too similar for him to care about hiding the difficult parts of his life, didn’t have to worry about being pitied, about someone trying to fix him. They’d dragged more furniture into the abandoned shed, found an old metal trashcan they could burn things in to warm the place as the months crept deeper into the dark end of the year.

By the time Aaron’s sixteenth birthday came and went he felt like he was leading a completely fractured life. At home he was a ghost at best, a target when not; with Haley a treasured curiosity, constantly examined and prodded into a more acceptable shape; and with Cole, he was himself, angry and violent but self-medicated to the point where none of it mattered. Any gentleness that had existed between them over the summer was gone, every interaction was rough and scrambling, followed by a shame that only dissipated once the high kicked in.

It became harder to hold all the pieces together. He would look at himself in the mirror and struggle to remember his own name. He started smoking pot during the day again, just to ease some of the jarring transitions. At lunch, Haley talked and talked and he wouldn’t notice when she asked him a question until she poked him in the bicep and he jumped like a startled cat. When she tried to ask him about it he got annoyed, snapping at her and walking away from school, not caring that it was the middle of the day and that this bad choice was sure to come back to him that evening.

The show opening got closer as he missed more rehearsals. He missed so many that he didn’t know what he should be doing when he was there, very obviously sticking out when he went one way while the rest of the corps moved in the other direction. The drama teacher pulled him aside, giving him an ultimatum that he needed to be present at every subsequent rehearsal or he would be cut. Not so secretly hoping this would be enough to get him to leave. He started to say he didn’t give a shit about her stupid play when he saw Haley anxiously watching their conversation and swallowed his insults, only nodding, looking away so the teacher wouldn’t see his contempt for someone who could think something like a high school play mattered at all.

He made it to all the rehearsals but he was sure to be high, not enough that he would be caught but enough to be clear that it didn’t matter to him if he did. He wasn’t sure why he continued to come, why Haley had such a pull on him. It didn’t make sense that he wanted so badly to make her happy when she was so different, so far removed from everything else in his life. Maybe it was that he knew that without her, there was nothing tying him to the regular world, the place of school and society and jobs and futures. She was the only person that seemed to care if he was around, an emotion he was long past feeling for himself. She was the last reminder that he was a human being, that he mattered to someone. It was the only thing standing between him and completely giving in to the destructive force that had been whispering promises of an easy solution to his problems.

It was just enough to keep him behaved around these people who hated him without knowing anything about him. They hated what he represented, hated the way he forced them to see that the world could be ugly and painful. They were offended that he dared to show himself among the normal people when he so clearly belonged to the underside. He kept quiet and kept close to Haley when he was at school, when he was in the theater. He wore the stupid costume, the silly hat, followed the directions barked at him, sang just loud enough to carry the rest. Then he slipped away as soon as he was able.

The week of the opening performance was a bad one. Cole, having recently gotten his hands on some speed, was off on a manic high. Aaron had tried it once but hated the way the uppers spiked his anxiety, the way he felt every eye on him like his skin had turned inside out. After that first time he had declined, preferring to find oblivion in whatever downers were available. But Cole liked it quite a bit. It made his already unpredictable nature even worse, even more dangerous. He’d spend these highs running all over town, breaking car windows for fun, stealing anything worth a couple dollars. Aaron hated it and did his best to hide from him while he was strung out like that.

The afternoon of the show’s opening he’d gone to an old, private hiding spot after school with the intention of getting so stoned he couldn’t feel anything that might come his way later. He succeeded only to remember belatedly what day it was. Haley had tried to remind him several times during the day but he’d been too high, too distracted to listen. Swearing, he ran back to school, not sure what time it was or what time he was supposed to have been there.

The house lights were already off, the audience quiet as the opening bars played. He raced to get into his costume, having to re-button his shirt more than once as the tiny objects refused to line up properly. He gripped his hat as he stumbled into the wings to the sound of the chorus coming in—the chorus he was supposed to be a part of. He thought he could probably just slide onto the end of the line without attracting too much attention. Unfortunately, he found his path blocked by the drama teacher, her face dark and angry, completely out of patience for this mess of a teenager. She stared at him, his eyes red and glassy, skin pale, insultingly obvious in his intoxication.

“No.”

He looked at her unfazed, barely registering her as more than an object to move around. When he tried to step past her, she blocked him again.

“Go home Aaron,” her voice was quiet but unfriendly.

He shook his head, “I’m going to miss my cue.”

She frowned, surprised that he was aware enough to even know when his part was. “You’re high, you can’t be on school property.”

Aaron glanced into her face now, paying attention. No teacher had ever mentioned being able to tell he was not sober before.

“If you don’t leave now, I will call the police.”

He stepped back, narrowing his eyes, gauging how serious she was, if she would really draw that much attention to the situation. Her expression didn’t change and he could tell she meant it. He looked past her once more, seeing Haley step forward into the spotlight to begin her solo. His heart twisted, thinking about how disappointed she’d be that he couldn’t make this happen for her. He’d tried, tried so hard to keep it together for this. She’d been so excited and even though he couldn’t feel any of that, he liked the way it lit up her face when she talked about the performance, about how her parents and her sister would be in the audience, about how she wanted them to meet him. He’d never planned on staying for that but he’d wanted to at least be part of the show, to at least give her that.

“Now, Hotchner,” she insisted, voice cold and unsympathetic. He shrugged and tossed the hat on the ground by her feet before turning and walking out.

He headed straight for the shed, knowing there were supplies there that he had slowly siphoned away when Cole was too high to notice. He’d been saving them, watching his little stockpile grow larger. He wasn’t sure exactly what he was saving it for, exactly what his intention was but now seemed as good a time as any to find out. He hoped Cole wasn’t there, at least not until he could get his fix. Nothing would matter then.

Once inside he turned on the camp lantern he’d stolen and climbed onto a rickety chair to reach the seam between the roof and the wall. He pulled out his supplies, examining them as he settled back down on the dirty old cushions on the floor and wrapped a blanket around himself. It was an old army surplus thing, scratchy and smelling of smoke but effective against the chill. He considered his options. There was a good amount in there, probably enough for two people if he waited for Cole to turn up. He could maybe ease him out of his frenzy, bring him down to Aaron’s level, to the place where they could float through time without moving, without worrying. He thought about the last time he’d seen him, the way his eyes had moved past him without any real recognition. He thought about the dark purple bruises on his wrist where Cole had grabbed him, twisting his arm and insisting Aaron give him whatever money he had.

Fuck him, he decided.

Cole would probably be angry if he came here and found Aaron high without him, would be suspicious of how that had come to be. He would probably regret not leaving any for him but just at that moment he didn’t care. Hurt and love and shame and desire were all the same to him, all more than he wanted to feel. He just wanted to feel nothing. He set himself up quickly, well practiced and sure of his movements. He glanced around the shed once, really seeing his surroundings, seeing how far he had sunk and he laughed as he pressed the plunger down. Anyone who heard him would have been alarmed, the sound more like an animal caught in a trap than an expression of human joy. His last thought as he sank back into the ground was that it really was too much for one person. Too much to be doing alone. Then he got what he wanted and everything was just black.

#criminal minds fanfiction #aaron hotchner #young hotch #young haley brooks #tw substances #tw abuse #a mixed blessing

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commentaryvorg · 3 years

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Digimon Savers Commentary Episode 3 - The Genius Who Returned Home, Tohma! Crush Meramon!

In this episode, we’re introduced to Tohma, whose return to the Japanese branch of DATS immediately sparks a hostile rivalry between him and Masaru. Meanwhile, Masaru’s first mission as a DATS member presents him with the tricky conundrum of figuring out how to punch fire.

We open with Masaru and Agumon stuffing their faces at the Daimon family breakfast table.

Sayuri: “My, my. Masaru never usually gets up before the afternoon on a Sunday. This must be thanks to Agu-chan!”

Masaru habitually sleeping in on non-school days is deeply relatable.

But more importantly, it’s lovely that him meeting Agumon has changed that! Though Masaru might have got something out of fighting random street punks before, it seems that it wasn’t quite exciting enough to him to get him out of bed early for it. It was probably more just that he’d wander around town bored and pick fights with anyone who seemed up for it out of a lack of anything better to do.

But now that he and Agumon have got all these Digimon to fight, Masaru’s got a real reason to wake up as soon as possible to go do that! Meeting Agumon has genuinely made him a whole lot happier with his life.

Also it is adorable how Sayuri and Chika have already taken to calling Agumon “Agu-chan”. It’s a cute sign that they see him as exactly the dorky kid that he is rather than as some weird monster, and also that they see him as one of the family, which is absolutely what he is now.

Can we please appreciate Chika’s done-ness here. I love her.

Masaru: “What the hell, Mom! Serve me before Agumon!”

Sayuri: “I never said you wouldn’t have your share. Just wait for a bit. After all, Agu-chan’s still a child.”

Again with the just treating Agumon like the big kid that he is. Sayuri is so good.

We are also introduced to the glorious treasure that is Sayuri’s fried eggs! Agumon has certainly discovered how great they are.

(Technically, these are tamagoyaki, a Japanese miniature rolled omelette thing. But the subs go with fried eggs, which is close enough and rolls off the tongue quicker in English.)

Masaru: “Gimme that!”

Agumon: “I won’t hand over the last of Sayuri’s fried eggs, not even to you!”

Oh, won’t you, Agumon? Not ever?

(This is another line to keep in mind for a lot later.)

Chika: “What a child…”

As Masaru wrestles Agumon in an attempt to literally get the fried egg back from out of his mouth, Chika observes that she’s somehow the most mature of the three Daimon kids. (Yes, I said three, what of it.)

Meanwhile, Tohma is… having a gratuitous shower scene. Uhhh, sure. Apparently this totally needed to be his introduction. …Look, at least I appreciate that the fanservice is being equal-opportunity in terms of gender. (For now.)

He also has a butler, and is living in a pretty big but mostly quiet and empty mansion. This sequence is about showing the huge contrast between Masaru and Tohma’s home lives, but I do not know why the writers thought a shower scene was necessary for that.

(Tohma mentioned at the end of last episode that this country is his mom’s homeland, but he sure doesn’t appear to be staying with his mom right now, does he.)

Agumon attempts to fit himself into the basket of a bike which I can only imagine is Chika’s, because I don’t think Masaru’s bike would be pink. Agumon doesn’t seem to realise this. Chika doesn’t seem to want to tell him. He is such a ridiculous dork.

Meanwhile, Tohma gets seen off in the morning by the mansion’s staff bowing goodbye to him, and then is driven around in a limo.

Masaru’s “transportation”, on the other hand, is running down the street while giving Agumon a piggy back. Apparently this is so that Agumon can stay still and pretend to be a really big stuffed toy, but he’s kind of ruining that by talking and waving his arms around to cheer his aniki on.

(Of course, the most obvious way to not have Agumon raise suspicion would be to keep him in his Digivice, but it seems they’ve already agreed offscreen that that’s not an option because Agumon doesn’t like it in there. Yoshino and Satsuma would probably have some words to say to them about that, but hey, they’re not here, so Masaru’s gonna let his follower stay outside and be happier.)

Masaru: “Uh… what do I press again? This? No…”

Masaru, that DATS earpiece only has like two buttons on it, it can’t be that hard to figure out.

Yoshino: “We have a Digimon signal.”

Masaru: “Where?!”

Yoshino: “Area C-7. Can you get there directly?”

Masaru: “Yeah! Leave it to us!”

Not pictured: Masaru wondering where the heck “C-7” is and why he impulsively said he could definitely get there when it could be on the other side of the city for all he knows.

(Okay, that’s probably not actually what happens. Somehow we are supposed to believe that Masaru – Masaru – memorised all these location codes that DATS uses remarkably quickly. I imagine he knows the city quite well, but these codes for the areas are presumably a DATS-only thing that civilians wouldn’t be familiar with.)

Street punk #1: “So boring…”

Street punk #2: “Nothing’s going on at all…”

PetitMeramon: “Nothing at all!”

This is the first time we’ve seen a rampaging Digimon speak… but it doesn’t necessarily seem to be expressing its own thoughts. Rather, it’s just parroting these bored dudes. The PetitMeramon goes on to float down the street and set things on fire, which certainly makes it so that something interesting’s finally going on. It almost seems as if this is happening because these dudes were bored and wanted some kind of excitement, even if they weren’t necessarily wishing for this.

This is almost immediately followed by Masaru and Agumon showing up, which… the timing of that doesn’t exactly work out for the PetitMeramon to have only just appeared, assuming this is the Digimon signal Yoshino told him about while he was still in his own neighbourhood. But I’m still very sure that the writers want us to feel like these dudes’ boredom is related to the PetitMeramon being here, and honestly, showing us that is more important than getting meaningless details like the timing of things exactly right, so I don’t actually care.

Masaru: “Let’s fight!”

PetitMeramon: “Fight…”

Again, still not really speaking for itself, just parroting. Though this time it’s parroting a different person, so maybe what we can take from this is that there were some other bored people who originally brought it here and now it’s just parroting and acting on the thoughts of whoever happens to be nearby. (It’s true that we didn’t actually hear the sound of a Digital Gate opening just now.)

Unfortunately for our pair of dorks, a living fireball like PetitMeramon is immune to Agumon’s fire attacks and not solid enough for Masaru to punch. And without punching it, Masaru can’t get his Digisoul, so he can’t evolve Agumon either. This is the absolute worst possible enemy for them to try and fight.

Naturally, they just chase it further down the street anyway, giving absolutely no care to the random dudes who just watched a giant lizard and a living fireball duke it out. Despite being a DATS member now, Masaru is still really not here for all of the calculated government secrecy stuff.

Luckily, Tohma arrives on the scene in his limo and cleans up these loose ends Masaru left using a memory-wipe flashy thing. And, to be fair, I wouldn’t be surprised if Satsuma just didn’t even give one of those to Masaru in the first place. I’m not sure I’d trust him not to accidentally point it the wrong way when using it or something, given that he could barely figure out the two buttons on his earpiece. Masaru and technology do not mix.

(…Though I have to wonder why Gaomon then emerges from the limo and isn’t inside his Digivice. Sure, the flashy thing knocked out those dudes so they’re not a problem right now, but do you really not expect to run into any more people as you chase down the target? …But of course, the only real reason Gaomon is out right now is so that we can get a brief glimpse of him as a stinger before the opening.)

Okay! Okay!

I can jump over any limits!

Feel that excitement passionately!

Some more gung-ho opening lyrics! These feel appropriate here, as the idea of Masaru’s burning passionate excitement is going to be a bit of a thing in this episode, as is the idea that he brashly considers himself to have no limits whatsoever.

At DATS HQ, Masaru is grumpy about not being able to win.

Yoshino: “Well, I didn’t think it would go easily for you from the start.”

Honestly, having seen how easily Masaru handled the fights in the first two episodes, I would have expected things to go easily for him, at least in terms of fighting. It only didn’t because this specific enemy happens to be immune to all of his usual tactics. The more logistical side of things, such as the secrecy and the memory wiping stuff, I can see Masaru needing a while to get used to (though, spoiler, he’s, uh, never really going to become any good at that at all), but not the fighting.

Tohma shows up with the PetitMeramon’s Digiegg, presenting it to Yoshino and not even acknowledging Masaru’s presence.

Miki and Megumi, the two young women who work the tech side of things at HQ, begin fawning over him, which is, uh, a liiittle questionable when he’s fourteen and they’re… it’s never made clear exactly how old, but definitely at least adults. Thankfully, this mostly goes away and stops being much of a thing after this episode.

There is also Gaomon! He is a good dog. Though right now he’s being as dismissive as his master and ignoring Agumon when Agumon tries to ask who he is.

Masaru: “You bastard! You took away my prey!”

It’s so Masaru to be mad about this. That PetitMeramon was his opponent first, and now he can’t even settle the fight himself because this guy came in and defeated it before he could!

Tohma barely looks at him, and…

Masaru: “What, gonna fight?”

…of course Masaru is ready to start a fight over this, because this is how he’s used to settling disputes.

But actually Tohma was just turning to walk towards Satsuma, still pretty much entirely ignoring Masaru’s presence.

Tohma: “I’ve looked through the written reports, and it seems rather peculiar that there are a large number of Digimon detected in this country lately.”

[…]

Satsuma: “Is the frequency not as high in EU?”

Tohma: “No. It must be because it has a larger area.”

I do not understand what Tohma is trying to get at with that last part. Since Europe is bigger than just Japan, surely that means they’d expect more Digimon incidents in it, not less.

That weird part aside, though, it is a relevant point that Japan in particular has been seeing more Digimon incidents than anywhere else. There’s a reason for this.

Masaru is fed up with Tohma acting like he doesn’t exist and walks up to cough pointedly behind him. It’s actually rather unlike Masaru to be passive-aggressive and indirect like this, but it does amuse me.

Satsuma: “Oh, let me introduce you. This is…”

[Tohma barely even glances at Masaru; Masaru gets angry]

Masaru: “Hey! I don’t care if you’re called Tohma or Tonma… but around here, I’m your senpai! I’ve only been here for three days, but make sure to call me ‘Daimon-san’ or ‘Daimon-senpai’!”

Not that it takes much for Masaru to go back to his usual direct approach to things. Tohma just waltzing in here, easily defeating the opponent that Masaru was struggling against, getting immediate respect from everyone else in the room and barely even acknowledging Masaru as worthy of looking at makes Masaru feel inferior, which riles him up and gets him flailing to assert some kind of superiority in a really transparent way.

See, Masaru wouldn’t usually care all that much about people showing the appropriate politeness when referring to him, but when it’s this jerk who’s making him feel like this, damn right he’s going to insist that the three days more he’s been here is totally enough to count as making him a senpai. (A senpai means someone senior within the same group; it’s a Japanese concept that doesn’t quite have a direct English equivalent, hence the subs leaving it as-is and just giving us a translators’ note explaining it.)

Calling him “Tonma” – which another translators’ note informs us is a word for an idiot, so basically Masaru’s just insulting him in a very juvenile way – is, of course, not exactly the best way to establish himself as a mature and senior senpai.

Satsuma and Yoshino point out that actually Tohma is Masaru’s senpai, because he used to work here until he took a six-month trip to work at a DATS branch in Europe, which he’s just returned from.

Masaru: “B-But no matter how you look at it, he’s the same age as I am…”

Establishing Tohma’s age as being also fourteen. (Though technically Masaru wouldn’t necessarily know his exact age and is just saying he seems similarly aged, but whatever, Tohma is fourteen as well, let’s go with it. Their rivalry has a much more fun dynamic if they really are exactly the same age rather than one having a year or two of seniority over the other.)

They also go on to add that Tohma is a genius who already has a degree (and even more than that, as we’ll later learn). And, okay, while on paper Tohma’s genius achievements are probably wildly unrealistic for anyone to have managed at the age of fourteen no matter how clever they are, it doesn’t really bother me. In practice, the genius thing isn’t here to make Tohma magically unrealistically special; it’s here to make him interesting and a great foil for Masaru. Tohma is a very well-written character whom I really like, almost as much as Masaru, and I’m looking forward to getting to talk about him a lot here.

On top of this, the Norstein family is Austrian nobility, so Tohma’s practically a prince as well. (Again, there’s very much a point to this that’s relevant to his character and not just for the sake of making him special). And they add that Gaomon is the most accomplished battler they have among the Digimon at DATS (not that there’s that many for him to compete with there).

Satsuma: “Be sure to get along with each other, as you are colleagues.”

Yep, Masaru’s sure to have no problems getting along with this person whom you just lengthily explained is way more awesome than he is despite being the same age as him.

Masaru certainly doesn’t seem too happy about this.

Tohma: “I think it will be futile to do so, Captain Satsuma. There is not a chance that this person could benefit DATS.”

Masaru: “What d’you mean?!”

[Tohma only barely glances at Masaru before turning back to the Captain]

Tohma: “People like him should be dismissed at once.”

…Though, it turns out, Tohma is also equally unwilling to even attempt to play nice. All this barely even glancing at Masaru and talking about him rather than to him is kind of a dick move. Really, Masaru and Tohma are being equally as rude to each other here, albeit in completely different ways.

Masaru: “Say that to my face! Look into a person’s eyes when they’re talking!”

And I love that this in particular is what gets to Masaru the most. He’s always so straightforward, and being that way is important to him. He can’t stand people beating around the bush and being vague about their intentions rather than just coming out and saying what they really mean directly to the person involved.

To be fair to Tohma, he does actually listen and look Masaru straight in the eye this time.

Tohma: “You and your partner are not suited for DATS.”

Yoshino: “Tohma!”

I like Yoshino protesting here. Even she thinks this is going a bit far.

And it is a bit far, really – sure, Tohma caught a glimpse of Masaru and Agumon’s rather unfortunate fight against the PetitMeramon earlier, but that’s hardly enough evidence to decide that they have absolutely nothing to offer. This says less about Masaru and Agumon and more about Tohma himself: he’s something of a perfectionist, and he doesn’t like the idea of working with anyone who doesn’t match up to his very high standards.

(College degree as a teenager? Member of Austrian nobility? Yeah, we can already guess where some of that might come from.)

Masaru, being Masaru, has had enough and just tries to punch Tohma – but he blocks it easily.

Tohma: “Really, now. You want to face me with that level of power? How incredibly pathetic.”

Masaru: “What do you mean, ‘that level’? How strong does that make you, then?!”

This is the first person Masaru’s met in probably a really long time who’s said anything to the effect that he’s not strong enough, who’s implied that there’s some other, higher level of strength that Masaru just doesn’t have yet. He’s not used to thinking of his strength in those terms, and feeling inferior. Isn’t he supposed to be the number one street fighter in Japan? How can there be any kind of greater strength he doesn’t have?

Tohma: “Do I have to answer that?”

Masaru: “Yeah! Go on, show me! Let’s see the truth behind all that bragging!”

Of course Tohma has to answer that and actually prove himself! Masaru is all about actions rather than words; if someone’s claiming they’re stronger than him, there’s no way he’s going to just accept that until he tests it out for himself.

It turns out Tohma is indeed perfectly willing to put his money where his mouth is, because we cut to what’s presumably a gym somewhere in the DATS HQ, in which there is a boxing ring. I might call this awkwardly convenient, but no, actually, since Tohma used to work here (and he’s into boxing, as we’re about to see), it makes a lot of sense that he might have asked to have one installed for himself to use recreationally in between missions.

Yoshino: “Hey! Put on your headgear!”

Masaru: “I don’t need it! Besides, he’s not wearing any!”

Masaru and Tohma are both being reckless idiots here, pointlessly endangering themselves because of their pride. They’re both telling themselves “I don’t need to protect myself to win against him”, and they’re certainly not going to be the only one to wear headgear while the other doesn’t and end up looking like they’re only winning because they have an unfair advantage, or like they’re wearing it because they’re worried.

It is notable that Yoshino is only trying to encourage Masaru to wear the headgear. Apparently she’s already expecting Tohma to have the upper hand here? Ouch.

As you’d expect, the first few moves of the fight are Masaru throwing wild punches at Tohma while he easily dodges them all.

Tohma: “You put all your faith in power without using any strategy or tactics.”

Which pretty much sums up the entire Masaru-Tohma contrast going on here: reckless power versus careful strategy.

Tohma: “Why did you join DATS?”

Masaru: “Huh?! It was so I could win, obviously!”

Tohma: “Against who?”

Masaru: “Against strong guys!”

Look at how Masaru doesn’t even think to specify who he wants to win against at first, because the exact opponent he’s fighting isn’t the point. He just wants to challenge himself and prove to himself how strong he is by winning those challenges, and fighting Digimon happens to be the best way for him to do that right now.

Also look at how Masaru has completely stopped caring about the part where the other reason he joined was so that Agumon wouldn’t be taken from him. That genuinely does not matter to him any more, now that he’s here anyway because he wants to be.

(So it’s actually kind of a bit much that Tohma is insisting Masaru should be dismissed from DATS – because that would mean he’d lose not only this job, but also Agumon.)

Tohma finally stops just dodging and counters with a blow to Masaru’s stomach – the first punch that’s actually landed for either of them – giving him a sense of the high ground as he says these next words.

Tohma: “What a boring story. DATS has an important mission. Every member has an obligation and a responsibility to carry that out.”

It’s very appropriate that Tohma would be so disdainful of Masaru being here for entirely personal reasons, while he feels like this whole thing is supposed to be about a sense of duty for a greater purpose. That noble Norstein family heritage is showing just a little bit.

Obviously, DATS’s general mission of covering up Digimon incidents is indeed important, but so long as he helps them do that anyway, what does it actually matter if that’s not the reason Masaru’s here?

Masaru: “Shut up! Stop acting all elite!”

Masaru still does not like Tohma constantly acting like he’s better than him, like he’s just this perfect superhuman who doesn’t even have any personal desires of his own other than to do as he’s supposed to.

Tohma: (He’s beyond help.)

Geez, Tohma, that is going a bit far. Again, he’s just writing Masaru off entirely because he doesn’t fit Tohma’s idea of how things should be, rather than trying to understand his different view on things.

(But of course, Masaru is not really being any better about trying to understand Tohma’s perspective and is currently similarly writing him off as an elitist jerk who needs to be taken down a peg.)

Tohma follows this thought up by punching Masaru right in the face, implying he’s been going easy until now and has finally started getting serious, expecting this single blow to end this. Which it does, because Masaru is knocked to the ground and doesn’t manage to rise for Yoshino’s count of ten, making Tohma the winner of this boxing match.

(please appreciate this look on Masaru’s face as he realises that Tohma has arguably beaten him, that maybe he really is inferior)

…But of course Masaru’s not just gonna stand for that. As Tohma is about to leave the ring, Masaru finally manages to get to his feet anyway.

Masaru: “Wait right there… You really are… spouting a lot…”

Tohma: “The match is over.”

Masaru: “Match? What we’re having is a serious fight! It’s not a game!”

He doesn’t care about anything so pointlessly official as a match or a countdown to determine the winner. Settling their differences and proving who’s strongest goes way beyond those silly arbitrary restrictions!

With these words, Masaru manages to punch Tohma just as hard in the face… albeit only because Tohma was turned away and not quite ready to defend himself. Still, as far as Masaru would see it, in terms of his usual kind of fights, that’s on him! If he turned away from an opponent who’s still able and willing to fight him, that’s just letting his guard down!

Masaru: “A fight doesn’t end until one side admits defeat!”

That’s the only rule Masaru needs for his street fights. So long as the combatants are still willing to fight each other, anything goes!

In fairness to Tohma, he doesn’t even complain about Masaru catching him off guard and seems quite willing to accept these new “terms” for the fight, because they jump right back into beating each other up.

We cut to later in the main control room.

Masaru: “Damn it… That bastard…”

Yoshino: “You should be happy it was a draw!”

Who’s betting it was Yoshino’s decision that it was a draw. I can’t imagine either Masaru or Tohma being willing to even admit to that much. After a while of them trading blows and obviously being quite evenly matched to the point that this could end up going on forever, Yoshino probably stepped in and insisted they call it off as a draw before they seriously hurt each other.

Yoshino: “Tohma’s beaten Olympic champions in the past.”

…Yeah, so also on top of everything else, Tohma is a supremely talented boxer. But I don’t mind, because something like that is necessary for him to be able to equal Japan’s number one street fighter in a fistfight. And his fighting style being the precise and controlled sport of boxing rather than anything-goes street brawls once again serves to contrast their approaches. Tohma’s boxing talent is just another part of making him Masaru’s equal and opposite. These two are such good foils for each other.

Masaru: “Well, I’ve taken out the leader of the third Minato high school!”

That is totally an equivalent thing here, right. He’s successfully beaten tough guys, too, the context doesn’t matter. Masaru was expecting to win and not just draw, damn it!

Yoshino: “Really, the only things worthy of a gold medal around here are your pride and your competitive attitude.”

I love her snark. She’s not wrong. (Though really, Tohma’s pride would be giving Masaru just as much competition for that medal.)

I also love how pouty Masaru is.

It’s interesting how Yoshino’s putting band-aids on Masaru’s bruises, yet Tohma then walks into the room (still barely acknowledging Masaru) with an equally bruised face, and Yoshino’s not trying to tend to him. It’s like how she was only trying to get Masaru to wear the headgear earlier and not Tohma.

At this point, I doubt this is so much about thinking Masaru is weaker and more in need of this than Tohma, since she just watched them match each other in a fight. So maybe it’s more that Yoshino finds Masaru more approachable than Tohma. For all his reckless stubbornness, Masaru’s basically still a regular person, while Tohma’s from a whole other world to her. Perhaps she simply feels more comfortable directing this mom-friend behaviour at Masaru rather than Tohma, despite having known Tohma for longer.

The Digimon-signal alarm blares and Masaru instantly shifts to this excited grin. What a dork.

It’s more PetitMeramon. A lot of them. Turns out that if even the tiniest flame from their body is left behind, it can develop into a new PetitMeramon. Hearing this prompts Masaru to recall his earlier unsuccessful attempts to punch it, which only succeeded in sending little embers from its body flying everywhere.

Masaru: (This is my fault…)

It’s admirable of Masaru to immediately acknowledge this rather than stubbornly try and make excuses to himself and pretend he totally didn’t mess anything up at all. But it is notable that he’s not saying that out loud. Which is probably because Tohma’s in the room, and he doesn’t want to give Tohma even more ammo to keep claiming that he’s a liability here.

Kudamon: “It’s up to you, Tohma, Gaomon.”

Masaru: “Wait! Those fireballs are ours to beat!”

Masaru insists this partly because he’s still frustrated that he didn’t get to finish the fight himself earlier, but almost certainly also because he feels responsible for this. This is his mess, and he wants to at least make up for it by being the one to fix things.

Tohma: “Are you 100% certain you can secure these Digimon?”

Masaru: “Damn right! We’ll pull it off somehow using our spirits!”

Such certainty. Masaru is definitely the kind of person to optimistically throw himself into things without being sure what the outcome will be. Usually, it might be reasonable to bank on that, but against this particular enemy which Masaru and Agumon currently have no way of even damaging… probably not.

Satsuma: “This time, Tohma and Gaomon are best for the job.”

Satsuma realises this, too, of course. I like how he’s specifying that this is only because Tohma and Gaomon are more suited for this particular job, which is extremely true, and not that they’re better overall, which Masaru would not respond well to.

Satsuma: “Yoshino. You and Lalamon will go to support Tohma.”

Which is to say, Yoshino will drive the car, because Tohma isn’t old enough to do that. (Lalamon won’t really be doing anything at all.) Tohma came to the earlier fight from his limo, but it seems that was only because he was being driven to DATS HQ and happened across the Digimon on the way. Limousines are not the usual DATS-approved method of transportation to Digimon incidents, funnily enough.

Masaru, having been ordered to stay behind and just watch them, is left feeling frustrated and inadequate.

(It’s really only because you can’t punch fire, Masaru!)

Gaomon fighting alone against the swarm of PetitMeramon achieves basically nothing, so Tohma very quickly switches from “Plan A” to “Plan A-2” and evolves him. (I like how it’s not “Plan B” and is totally just an alternate version of the first plan. It’s definitely not that trying to fight a swarm of several Child-level Digimon with a single Child-level was ever a bad plan and really he should have evolved Gaomon from the start.)

It’s a neat detail that Tohma clicks his fingers to summon his Digisoul. Yoshino does kind of a similar thing, not clicking her fingers but instead making a very particular emphatic motion with her hand. It’s like they need some sort of psychological trigger to get it to work – which then also makes it slightly less ridiculous that Masaru needs to outright punch a Digimon to get his to show up. It’s just a stronger kind of psychological trigger, is all! And Tohma and Yoshino have been doing this for a long time. Maybe it usually takes a lot of practice to be able to get one’s Digisoul to show up on command, and the reason why Masaru’s has this extra condition to trigger it is actually because he’s new at this.

I want to take this moment to inform everyone that Gaogamon is a very good fuzzy doggy. He’s one of my favourite Digimon designs.

As an Adult-level, Gaogamon is exponentially stronger than these Child-level PetitMeramon and can easily take down the entire swarm of them in a single attack. Digimon evolution levels, everybody. This isn’t even Gaogamon being especially impressive; this is just how it was always going to turn out.

Tohma: “3 minutes, 47 seconds. We shortened it by another minute.”

Okay, so, some of Tohma’s genius traits can come across as a little bit silly in practice, such as this idea here that he and Gaomon have been timing themselves in their fights against rogue Digimon and constantly bringing that time down. It doesn’t take a genius to understand that each opponent they fight is different, so really it should be completely unreasonable to act like their times for each fight are at all comparable and that completing one fight faster than another means anything. (Plus, this is a thing that’s never going to come up again.)

Still, I do appreciate the narrative purpose of this bit – to show that Tohma is always pushing to improve himself and be better, despite being so incredibly hypercompetent at everything he does already. A lot like Masaru is always striving to challenge himself and get stronger despite already feeling like the strongest fighter in Japan! They are really not so different in a lot of ways.

Also, note how Tohma is getting to fight here, but it’s not the climactic fight of the episode. Just like I talked about for Yoshino in the previous episode: even though this is his introduction, this is not actually Tohma’s episode. It’s still Masaru’s. Tohma gets to have this fight and win it not for his own sake (the whole thing is so effortless that it’s not at all an interesting narrative from his point of view), but rather for the sake of Masaru’s conflict in this episode, because seeing how good Tohma is at this contributes to Masaru’s feelings of inferiority.

Agumon: “Wow…”

Having watched Tohma and Gaomon’s performance from HQ, even Agumon can’t help but be impressed. But then he catches himself and looks guiltily at Masaru, realising he’s just making him feel worse. Aww.

It is interesting to note how, despite all the similarities between him and Masaru, Agumon himself doesn’t seem nearly as bothered by being outclassed by Gaomon in the same way. After all, he’s still a kid who knows he’s got a lot to learn from his aniki; Agumon has never tried to present himself as the best person around at fighting like Masaru does.

Kudamon: “Understand now? This is the difference in ability between you and Tohma.”

Kudamon is apparently quite happy to imply that Masaru is significantly inferior to Tohma. Satsuma, though, doesn’t say anything to agree. I get the sense that Kudamon was a lot less on board with bringing Masaru into DATS, even though he ultimately accepted Satsuma’s decision to do so.

Masaru rushes out of the control room in frustration, with Agumon following.

Kudamon: “Aren’t you going to stop him?”

Satsuma: “Leave him alone.”

I like that Satsuma gets that this is something Masaru needs to figure out on his own, and that trying to talk to him directly about this is probably only going to make him feel worse.

(It’s this kind of approach of Satsuma’s that makes me think that him being so indirect about recruiting Masaru was on purpose out of him wanting Masaru to make the decision for himself.)

Masaru runs out of the DATS building through a tunnel that I’m pretty sure incidentally happens to be the same one we saw Agumon escaping through at the very beginning of the first episode.

Agumon: “Aniki… Why are you angry?”

Masaru: “Shut up!”

[Masaru trips in his running and falls to the ground]

Masaru: “Damn it…”

I enjoy how Masaru tripping over serves to illustrate how his unthinking recklessness doesn’t always end well.

Agumon: “Well, I think Tohma and Gaomon are nasty guys too, but…”

Aww, Agumon, trying to show that he’s still on his aniki’s side. And, yeah, he agrees that Tohma and Gaomon have been kind of dicks to them so far, but… (but still, he doesn’t get why Aniki is this upset about it.)

Masaru looks at Agumon with this bitter look for a moment, almost like he’s tempted to agree and just keep sniping at Tohma… but then he drops it.

Masaru: “No… It’s myself that I’m mad at, not them.”

Of course that’s been what this is really about. This is the first time in a long time that Masaru’s been given any sense that he’s not good enough at something he really wants to do. This isn’t about Tohma; Tohma’s presence just brought this out of him.

And hey, big props to Masaru for being willing to admit this! He couldn’t quite do so at HQ in front of everyone, and especially not in front of Tohma himself, but at least he’s willing to do so here in front of Agumon. A weaker person could easily have kept insisting that, no, this totally is all about that arrogant jerk Tohma, and avoided the necessary self-reflection, but Masaru is generally pretty good at being emotionally honest about things, even when it stings.

He also happens to pull the band-aid off his face at this moment, which I enjoy – needing his wounds patched up is a sign of weakness that he doesn’t like having.

Masaru: “Damn it! What am I doing? Really… what the hell am I doing?”

You’re doing your best, Masaru! Just like you’ve always, always been doing!

I really like how Masaru can’t actually properly articulate what the problem is. He knows there’s something wrong, something that’s frustrating him about himself, but he can’t put it into words. It doesn’t seem like he’s properly consciously aware of why he’s so into his whole fighting thing, and why he wanted to “fight stronger opponents” through joining DATS, so he can’t quite grasp why feeling like he’s not good enough at this bothers him so much.

Also, my compliments to the animators, and to Masaru’s VA. He looks and sounds like he’s on the brink of tears here, and it is good.

Masaru reaches the end of the tunnel… and who should he run into but the old man who gave him his Digivice, who’s sitting there cooking a fish like nothing is more natural.

Old man: “It’s hard lighting up a fire… The sparks go out easily whenever the wind gets a little too strong.”

Masaru: “Well, obviously!”

Old man: “But… once I get a larger flame going, it burns strongly no matter how much the wind blows. Fire is an interesting thing, isn’t it?”

What we learned about the old man last episode is that he finds Masaru interesting and likes randomly showing up whenever Masaru is acting in a way that he considers to be interesting. Apparently, he got wind somehow of the fact that Masaru has been having these doubts, and so he showed up to just… observe, and express his observations in metaphor form. He’s comparing Masaru to the fire, saying that right now his “sparks” aren’t quite strong enough to keep going when something challenges them – but that soon enough, if he just keeps growing more, he’ll become so strong that nothing will be able to stand in his way.

That said, I highly, highly doubt that the old man expects Masaru to actually learn anything from this metaphor – I’m sure he must know well enough to expect anything and everything metaphorical to go right over Masaru’s head. This isn’t actually an attempt to give Masaru advice. This guy just likes being a mysterious old man who makes abstract metaphors about people he finds interesting, that’s all. Sooner or later, Masaru’s flame is going to burn so brightly that nothing at all can blow it out, and won’t that be fascinating to watch?

(I agree, old man. It will. That’s why I’m here, too.)

[Masaru stares intently at the fire the old man has managed to light]

Masaru: “This is…”

And naturally, Masaru, who wouldn’t understand a metaphor if it punched him in the face, completely failed to pick up on what the old man was getting at. Instead, what this metaphor also coincidentally (or maybe not so coincidentally?) happened to be was some pretty useful advice on how to deal with the very literal, practical problem he’s been having today.

Before he can think on that further, Masaru hears a conversation over his earpiece. There’s more PetitMeramon signals, in a place where gas tanks are – not a great place for living fireballs to be flying around – and Yoshino and Tohma are 10 minutes away in their car.

Masaru: “Leave it to me!”

Yoshino: “Huh? What are you saying?”

Tohma: “You can’t do it!”

Masaru: “Shut up! I can get there in 3 minutes!”

The perfect opportunity for Masaru to get the chance to prove himself! Under other circumstances, it’d be arguably better for Masaru to stay back and leave this to Tohma again. Having shown some self-reflection on things, even Masaru himself would probably be willing to accept that and relent. But in an emergency like this, when he’s the closest one to it? Damn it, he has to at least try.

Since the “there” in question was only described as being “Area B-42”, what we have to conclude from this is that somehow Masaru has magically memorised all those location codes already. He doesn’t seem to be making this up to save face; he’s looking at an area off in the distance that he’d probably reasonably be able to sprint to in that time.

(Well, either that or he just assumed based on knowing that this is the only remotely nearby area with gas tanks. Maybe it’s that.)

Satsuma: “I won’t approve of this!”

Masaru: “Whatever, just watch! I’ll get ‘em this time!”

This isn’t Masaru arrogantly trying to show off and refusing to acknowledge that he’s unsuited for this. This is Masaru genuinely caring about trying to prevent the crisis if he can – and this time, he does have at least some idea of how to go about doing so.

Masaru makes it to the gas tanks, where there are indeed three PetitMeramon floating around.

Masaru: “Agumon! Use Baby Burner!”

I’m… not sure how Masaru knew that Agumon even has an attack called Baby Burner, since he’s never used it before. I would say he could have had some kind of offscreen fight as a DATS member already in the three days he’s been here, but Yoshino’s response to his failure earlier suggested that today was indeed his first proper DATS mission.

Agumon: “My attacks don’t work on them!”

Masaru: “You heard me, do it!”

Agumon: “Okay…”

Agumon is such a loyal follower! He doesn’t understand why this is a good idea – in fact, it seems like a thoroughly bad one – but he trusts his aniki’s judgement and does it anyway, even as it only seems to make the PetitMeramon stronger and Masaru keeps ordering more.

After enough fire, the three PetitMeramon grow strong enough to fuse together and evolve into Meramon. (Hey, at least this one’s a non-partnered evolution that makes sense to be happening right now.)

Agumon: “It evolved! What now, Aniki?”

[Masaru grins]

Masaru: “This is perfect!”

I love Masaru’s cocky taunting face here. He knows he’s got this, and he’s so ready to just have a good old fight again, like always.

Masaru: “Fire sparks easily go out whenever the wind blows on them. But… Once they burst into flame…!”

[Masaru leaps to punch the Meramon quite solidly in the face and lands with his Digisoul flaring]

Masaru: “They won’t be extinguished so easily!”

This was what he got out of the old man’s words. Not metaphorical advice about his emotional struggles, of course not – instead, just very literal advice on how to punch fire. He couldn’t punch the PetitMeramon because they were small enough that the wind of his punches just blew the flames out before he could connect. But if he makes the fire bigger and stronger? Then it’s no problem!

And you know what this is? This is Masaru using strategy. It’s a strategy that he needed someone else to nudge him towards – he’s still not really the kind of person to come up with something like this on his own – and it’s also a much more straightforward, reckless, Masaru-style strategy than someone cautious like Tohma would ever dare to use. But hey. It worked.

(Also, please appreciate this ridiculous shot of the DATS car skidding sideways as it dramatically arrives on the scene. That is not how cars work, but okay. …In fact, surely it’s been less than seven minutes that Masaru’s been here; I guess Yoshino floored it to get here as fast as she could, hence the dramatic skidding? She drives like a badass.)

Tohma: “He got it to evolve on purpose… by making the fire stronger…”

See, even Tohma appreciates what the strategy was, even if he’s kind of gobsmacked at it being something so reckless.

And then, as usual, GeoGreymon wins the fight in a single attack. But again, I don’t really mind. The interesting part was getting to this point in the first place.

The Meramon disintegrates into three eggs, appropriate for the three PetitMeramon it came from – but it kinda raises some questions that this single Adult-level Digimon was effectively three individual Digimon in one. It also raises some questions that PetitMeramon was able to multiply itself just by its embers setting stuff on fire, and each of those multiplied offshoots also had its own individual egg. Is this just a particularly unique method of Digimon reproduction? I am definitely not supposed to be thinking about it this much.

Masaru: “How’s that? I was able to take out the PetitMeramon, too!”

Having shown that he can do just as good of a job as Tohma after all, Masaru has bounced right back from his self-doubt and is feeling good about himself again. This kid doesn’t stay down for long.

Tohma: “Don’t let this go to your head. You were just lucky this time.”

It really was not luck. Masaru used an actual strategy that he had good reason to believe would work. Tohma himself even just about acknowledged this during the fight… but not now, now that Masaru is properly listening to him and he’d have to acknowledge that to Masaru.

(A bit like how Masaru only acknowledged his own sense of inadequacy when Tohma wasn’t around.)

Masaru: “It’s just like I told you. The ones who don’t give up until the end win the fight!”

Masaru claims this is like he told Tohma, but is it really about him? After all, Masaru himself was the one who had almost given up for a moment. It’s more like he’s saying this to remind himself that he shouldn’t have done that and should have just believed he could do it all along. (Like the old man said, he just needs to let his sparks grow into a bigger, unstoppable flame!)

We cut right from the location of the fight back to DATS HQ, while the argument amusingly continues as if there was no timeskip at all. They were probably arguing like this all the way back in the car, too. (Poor Yoshino.)

Tohma: “Don’t be absurd. You don’t come up with any strategy or tactics. Do you think using force all the time will let you win at everything?”

He literally did come up with a strategy, though, Tohma! Maybe a strategy that relied on force, maybe not the kind of careful, cautious strategy that you’d use, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t count as a strategy!

Masaru: “Hah, sounds like a sore loser to me.”

Yeah, I think Masaru’s spot on with this one. Tohma refusing to acknowledge Masaru’s approach in that fight as a legitimate if risky strategy really does seem like he’s just being a sore loser.

(Though I like how Masaru himself isn’t even trying to argue that it was strategic of him. Clearly that’s not something that he sees as being worth bragging about.)

Tohma: “What did you say?”

Masaru: “Wanna make somethin’ of it? I’ll knock you out with one hit to the face this time!”

Oh my god, Masaru. Look at this competitive dork. Now that he’s got his confidence back and feels like he is just as good or better than Tohma after all, he’s ready to have a rematch in the ring and certain that this totally means he’ll win this time!

Satsuma shuts them both up with his, quoth Yoshino, “thunderous demon roar” – apparently a regular thing of his – and declares that Masaru and Tohma will be working together as a team from now on. Naturally, they are both Not Happy about this.

Yoshino: “This is the worst…”

Neither is Yoshino. This is a catchphrase of hers, which is sometimes used when things are going badly in a crisis, but is just as often used simply to express her sheer exasperation at the people around her. I love her role as the Only Sane Man among these two ridiculous over-the-top dorks she’s wound up working with.

Overall thoughts

I like this episode a lot! It’s a great introduction to Tohma, specifically in the context of him serving as a foil to Masaru.

There will be a lot more things about Tohma’s own issues and situation (like I said, there’s a reason for all the genius stuff, I promise) that we’ll eventually get into, but that’ll be a gradual process, because Tohma is not the sort of person to talk about his personal problems to anyone else. For now, since Masaru is the single main character of this series and we therefore see a lot of things through his perspective, it’s appropriate that Tohma is introduced in terms of how he differs from Masaru (as well as a few hints at their similarities).

Then, because of this, we get spend a lot of the episode on Masaru feeling outclassed and how he deals with that, and it’s delightful and subtle and I love it. The first two episodes were setting up the deal with Masaru encountering Agumon and joining DATS, but now that we’ve settled into a little more of a status quo, it’s the perfect time to start digging into Masaru’s character and have things begin to challenge his conception of his own strength. There will be more of this, and I’m looking very much forward to covering those episodes in particular.

This won’t really ever come up again, but it’s incidentally neat to see Masaru struggling with an enemy he can’t punch, and eventually coming up with a strategy by interpreting the old man’s metaphor about his issues literally, because of course he does.

I also just love the old man being there making metaphors about Masaru’s issues simply because he felt like it and finds Masaru interesting. He serves as a nice little narrative device to help draw the audience’s attention to when things are going on with Masaru, as we’ll see in a few more episodes in this arc. I can’t help but appreciate that about the old man, because it’s also basically what I’m doing with this commentary.

---

[Dub comparison]

#digimon #digimon savers #masaru daimon #tohma h norstein #the digivice old man

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nationofimaginations · 4 years

Text

Safe and Sound // Scott McCall

Prompt: Hey could you make a one shot where Scott tells you not to do something, but you do it anyway and it almost gets you killed, and that’s when he tells you that he is in love with you? Thanks!

Thank you so much of the request! Sorry it took so long, but I hope you enjoy :)

Warnings: mentions of death, a bit of blood, heavy feels, hospital stay

Those damn Hunters. Scott was leading the pack into yet another suicide mission. You were no supernatural creature, but in your gut, you could sense that someone was going to get hurt. It was not part of your nature to stand back while your dearest friends risked their lives. Scott’s brown eyes peered into yours with a glare of stern concern and something else you could not put your finger on. “I know you want to help, but this isn’t the place for you. It’s too dangerous for you. It would be better for everyone if you just stayed back this time.”

“I get it. I’m just a fragile human to you. It’s not like anyone else here is exactly invincible,” you seethe through your teeth. This was true. Supernatural did not always equal invincibility as all of you had seen almost on the daily. It was frustrating that Scott never could accept that you were more than capable of holding your own, even after you proving your strength and intelligence time and time again. Yet, he continued to treat you like a burden.

“This is my fight. I decide who fights with me. You will stay here. End of discussion.” Fighting him was useless. There are other methods of getting your way.

“Fine.” Scott’s tense broad shoulders relax upon your apparent surrender. His lips curve into an appreciative smile, a grateful glint sparkles in his eyes — or was that something else? Something that delves beyond being a protective friend.

“Thank you,” he says your name softly as if he didn’t want it to float out of his reach and into anyone else’s grasp. Against his better judgement, he wanted you to be his and his alone. Still, your safety was of the utmost importance to him and he was more than willing to sacrifice his selfish desires to keep you from getting yet another target on your back. “Go home. I will come back to check on you after this is all over. I promise.”

You give him one last look before you turn to retreat to your home. You felt pathetic and useless running away from the fight. It was not your fault that you could not shapeshift or predict the future or whatever. Determination ran through your blood. You were going to prove yourself no matter what it takes. Jumping in your car, you quietly recite the directions to the abandoned warehouse the pack was heading toward. It wasn’t a long journey before you got close enough to sneak the rest of the way on first.

Just beyond the trees, in a decent sized clearing a dinghy building stood. The overcast in the sky passed rapidly, making the moonlight dance against the rotting property. Shadows could be seen through the cracked glass of the windows on the bottom floor. It was the perfect place for an evil mastermind to operate. You crept up to the entrance, hearing familiar voices talking inside. The Hunters backs’ were facing you while the pack stood their ground on the opposite side of the large space. This was the perfect time for you to make your attack. Just run in and knock one of them out, giving Scott the perfect opportunity to join in to overpower them. Absolutely flawless plan of a sneak attack. Nothing could go wrong.

You lean against the wall and clutch your heart, trying to calm its incessant pounding against your chest. You had never done anything like this but it had to be done. Slowly, you rise bracing yourself to run at your victim. Sprinting at the fastest rate your legs could carry you, you jump on the nearest figures back, hitting his head with closed fists. Scott calls out your name, furrowing his eyebrows. Your punches land but do nothing to bring the figure to the ground. If anything, you were a pitiful koala clinging on his back. An extra weight, nothing more.

Another one of the hunters grabs you by your waist, pulling you back to your feet. Your back presses up against a heavy chest as your hands are restricted behind you and a hand squeezes your neck. “It’s so nice to see that your girlfriend decided to join us, Scott. I am truly looking forward to showing her what a real man looks like later tonight,” the lead Hunter smirks, resting the barrel of his gun against his shoulder. He runs a hand over your cheek, looking back over his shoulder at Scott. The minion’s hand tightens against your windpipe, nausea fills your stomach. A rumble emits from Scott’s chest, his face burning with raw rage. It was one thing to mess with the pack, but to hear that monster mention you made his skin boil.

There were only a few moments before you would blackout, this was your time to do something, anything to save yourself. Scott and the Hunter exchange a few more words while you brace yourself. You shift your body weight forward, gathering enough momentum to swing your head back and make contact with your captors nose. A sick crack echoes through the room. He releases you from his constrictive grip and you begin running to safety by Scott’s side. Adrenaline makes you feel powerful as you lunge to safety.

“Watch out!” a voice shouted. Your head whips to the origin of the sound. Shadows of countless arrows and bullets fly in your direction. Metal grazes your skin, knocking you to the ground. Your head bounces off the rocky ground and you can feel a warm liquid trickle down your side

A scream tries to leave your mouth but it comes out in a garbled cry. Face down. Paralyzed. Unable to make out any words. Bleeding out in a secluded warehouse with the worst pain you could imagine. This is it, you think.

“I told you not to follow us. How could you be so stupid? Why couldn’t you stop trying to be the hero for once in your life?” He flips you onto your back and cold regret crawls through his veins. His throat dries as he notices the life drained from your face. Your lips turning blue under the moonlight. Your eyes no longer possessing that special shine he would be more than willing to spend the rest of his life looking at.

“Stay with me,” he cries, holding your cold hand up to his cheek. “There’s so much we still have to do. Just you and me. Please give me another chance. I’ll do things right this time. Please don’t leave me like this. Not before I — ” He chokes on his words. He blames himself for all of this happening. Maybe if he had let you come along in the first place, he would have been able to better shield you from harm. Maybe he should have left someone behind to watch you. Maybe he should have never introduced you to his world in the first place. His thoughts come to a rapid halt as you gasp for air. Your eyes flutter shut, leaving black holes in their place. This is it, he thinks.

“This isn’t fair! Bring her back!” He whimpers your name, punching the bloody concrete next to your body. His knuckles burst with blood, adding to the gruesome mix. Derek roughly grabbed his arm, heaving Scott to his feet. But gravity reunited him back to your side, where he belonged.

“We have to get her to the hospital. Screaming at the sky isn’t helping anyone.” Derek’s voice of reason gives Scott a rush of hope over his body. He gingerly cradles your head in his arm while the others move under your thighs to lift you into the air. His heart sinks as he remembers fantasizing being in this position at a later date under much happier circumstances.

Everything feels heavy including the strong smell of antiseptic. A faint beeping from the machines to the side of the bed and the wires entangling your lifeless limbs let you know that you are in a medical facility of some sort. Breathing alone prompts a stabbing pain in your abdomen. You reflexively reach to hold the pain but a weight on your hand prevents you from doing so. Your eyes open, adjusting to the blinding light as you try to see what is touching you. A strong bruised hand engulfs yours, making it seem much smaller than usual. Small scratches litter the surface, highlighting the prominent veins ever so slightly. The thumb traces soft patterns into the back of your hand making you sigh in comfort. Your eyes travel up the mysterious figure’s muscular arms to a familiar face. Scott was hunched over in the small visiting chair that was most likely not intended to be a place for napping. His head fell to one side and you noticed a small glimmer of drool rolling down his cheek. The sight made you smile. How long has he been like that?

A soft voice makes you turn your attention to the otherside of the room. “You know, he hasn’t left the room since we first got here. Not even to take a leak, according to my professional opinion, a UTI is in the works.” Stiles stood near, leaning against the door. He spoke in a hushed and uncharacteristically serious tone. “He made me promise to watch you while he slept, I swear I’m not a creep.”

You tried to say something, anything, but your throat was so dry that nothing would come out. Stiles held up a reassuring hand, signaling that you can relax. “He really cares about you. He always has. He just has a hard time showing it. Don’t be too hard on him.”

A wave of shivers run over your body. Was that true? Soft snores recapture your attention. Scott looks so peaceful and innocent as he sleeps. It is so unlike anything you had seen before. You wished to run your fingers through his silky hair but he was too far away.

“I’ll go let the doctor know you are awake.” Stiles turns to leave. The door clicks behind him and Scott jumps to his feet. Teeth bared, ready to kill anyone who dares to threaten his sleeping beauty.

“It’s okay Scott. Everything is fine. We are safe now,” you struggle to say. Your voice comes out hoarse but you try your best to sound comforting.

Scott’s face almost instantly brightens. He takes your hand in both of his hands, squeezing tightly as he drops to his knees at your bedside. His lips connect with the back of your hand, leaving several quick pecks. His eyes gloss over as he smiles so widely for you. He very suddenly leaned over to embrace you in his arms. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he chants over and over again with his lips pressed against your ear. Who he is talking to is unclear but you don’t mind. His smell is intoxicating. You wish you could live in it like a permanent comfy sweatshirt. Shortly, he pulls away looking back into your eyes.

“I was so worried, I could not live with myself if you would have died.”

“I know, I’m sorry Scott. I just wanted to be more than your useless wimpy friend for once.” Your eyes don’t meet his piercing gaze.

“You have never been useless or wimpy to me,” his hand gently pushes your chin to look back at him. “You are everything I have ever wanted and more. You are strong, smart, capable, independent. You never needed to prove yourself to me. I have been in love with you since the day I first laid eyes on you. I love you, (Y/N).”

The EKG on the other side of the bed picked up on your accelerated heart beat, increasing its steady beat rapidly though you could have sworn in that moment your heart exploded from pure joy. “I love you too, Scott.”

You both exchanged a smile before locking lips passionately. Your lips molded together and moved in a perfect pattern as if you had done this a million times before. This is where you are meant to be. Safe and sound in his arms.

(A/N)

Well, that was a trip. It is kind of rushed. I just wanted to get something out. I have been getting back into writing again lately, however, Teen Wolf has not been as inspiring to me as it once was. As you could probably tell this was a little bit all over the place. I think I might write a few Star Wars one shots (specifically Anakin or Kylo bc I love an emotional bad boy) to get back in the mood. So if you are into that, stay tuned and maybe send me some inspiration.

#scott mccall #scott mccall x reader #scott mccall fanfiction #scott mccall one shot #teen wolf #teen wolf x reader #teen wolf scott #teen wolf one shot #teen wolf fanfiction #teen wolf fanfic #teen wolf fandom #scott mccall angst #scott mccall request #request #taking request #fanfiction #tw fanfiction

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star-spangled-steve · 4 years

Text

His New Partner

Chapter 43: The Acceptance

Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: 2141

Warnings: Fluff, vomiting, [redacted for spoilers].

A/N: If any of you haven’t picked up on it, the title for this chapter and for the four ahead of it are based on the five stages of grief. I figured that since there’s a five year time jump in Endgame, I could use one stage of grief for each year that passes, and show how Y/N and Steve are handling things as the time goes on. This chapter is a bit happier than any of the last ones, and I hope you enjoy!

Y/N stirred awake on the calm Sunday morning, her eyelashes fluttering open and her hand swiping the dishevelled hair from out of her face. And of course, as she had feared before going to bed, the first feeling that hit her was one she had been feeling almost every morning for the past couple of weeks: sick. It was funny how she had been asleep for a full eight hours, but somehow still felt tired; not to mention nauseous, sick to her stomach, and having the almost instant need to vomit.

The woman jumped up from her bed where her husband still laid, and ran to their connected bathroom as quickly as her nauseated body could take her. She closed the door, plopped in front of the toilet, and held her hair back as best as she could before just letting it all out.

A couple of tears sprang into her eyes, which usually happened whenever she vomited, as she very much hated it, and she took a couple deep breaths to calm herself down before flushing the toilet.

“Baby?”

Crap, Y/N thought to herself upon hearing her husband’s voice. He was up. She had meant to be more discreet when getting out of bed, as she had been for the past couple weeks, but had just thrown the blankets off of herself so quickly in the moment of panic. It must’ve have woken him and his stupid super soldier senses up. This was not how she wanted him to find out.

“Baby? N/N?” Steve continued to call out, knocking on the bathroom door this time too. “Are you okay? It sounded like you just threw up.”

Double crap. He heard.

Well, there was no hiding what that sound was now. She just had to run with it.

“Um... yeah.”

The man opened up the bathroom door to see his wife sitting on the floor in front of the toilet, holding her hair back with one hand while the other was still grasping the flusher. “Oh, doll.” He rushed over to where she was and took her hair from her, rubbing her back soothingly. “You done? Or do you think there’s still more?” He practically cooed, knowing how much she hated barfing.

“I’m done.” Y/N spoke quietly. Steve helped her stand up, even though he didn’t really need to, and stood behind her at the sink, tucking her hair behind her ears and placing a kiss on the back of her head.

“You feel sick?” He questioned before placing a large hand on her forehead, holding it there for a couple of seconds. “You don’t feel warm.”

“I’m fine.” Y/N answered him, not wanting him to fish for too many answers. “I’m just gonna’ brush my teeth, so...”

Steve, really not understanding that that was her cue for him to leave, continued to badger her. Though, this was nothing new for him. He had always been an overprotective worrier when it came to Y/N. “What did you eat yesterday? Was it the fettuccine Alfredo we had for dinner? Did that make you sick? But no, that wouldn’t make sense, we have that all the time. Maybe I should take you to the doctor-”

“No!” The woman almost yelled, totally suspiciously too. “No.” She spoke again more softly, giving him a gentle smile through the mirror to try and calm his nerves. This is hopefully where her trusty acting skills could come in handy. “I had some old chocolate I found in the cupboard last night. That must have been it.”

Steve squinted his eyes, almost as if he was detecting her lie, before just nodding and letting out a little hum. “Hmph. Well alright. Just next time, look for the expiration date before you eat it, okay?”

“Sir, yes, sir.” Y/N spoke with a little grin, giddy inside that he had believed her phoney lie.

The man shook his head at her quip, chuckling to himself a little. “Alright, missy, I’m going to make some breakfast. How do pancakes sound? I’ll mix the bananas in like you like?”

“Hmm...” His wife hummed, bouncing on her toes a little. “Pancakes yes... just no bananas.” She watched as his head tilted to the side in confusion. “I just don’t think I can handle anything too sweet right now, that’s all.”

“Ah, I gotcha’. Alright.” Steve nodded before beginning to head downstairs.

What he was completely oblivious to though, was the fact that the reason she didn’t want bananas in her pancakes was because the certain fruit was, in reality, a pregnancy aversion of hers.

Y/N smiled to herself in the mirror as she placed her hands on her still little stomach, thinking back to the moment when she and Steve had excitedly agreed to try for another baby.

It was the night of New Year’s Eve, technically New Year’s Day as it had been a few hours past midnight. The couple was snuggled up in each other’s embrace as they laid in their bed, both too caught up in their own thoughts to fall asleep.

Natasha and Rhodes, who Steve and Y/N had invited over to celebrate with, had left a little while ago, and now here the couple was. Alone again.

And something made Y/N realize that maybe she didn’t like them being alone anymore.

“Stevie?” She spoke into his shoulder, as she was cuddled into his side.

“Yeah?”

The woman leaned up on her elbow, wanting to look into his eyes as she said the monumental thing that she was about to say. “I think I’m ready.”

Steve’s eyebrows furrowed. “Ready for what?”

His wife gave him a tiny smile, softly biting her bottom lip. “To have another child.” She watched as his eyes bulged and head came shooting up, not believing what he was hearing.

“Are you serious?” He questioned with growing excitement.

Y/N nodded her head and beamed. “Uh huh.”

“Yes!” Steve cheered, pulling her down to press a hard kiss on her lips. “When did you decide?” He asked as they parted, the big smile never leaving his face.

“Right now, actually.” She chuckled. “I just realized, I don’t want to waste anymore time. It’s 2023, and I want a baby in this house. New year, new me.”

“I’m so glad.” The man spoke, stroking the side of his wife’s face lovingly. “So... that probably means more sex, right?”

“Good God, Steve.” Y/N groaned with a laugh. “That’s the first thing that popped into your head?”

“What? It’s a legitimate question.” Steve defended himself playfully.

“Yes, honey.” She shook her head at his silliness. “That means more sex.”

“Perfect.” The man smirked before flipping them over so that he was hovering overtop of her, giving her that almost predatory look that made her go crazy inside. “Then why not start right now, yeah?”

“Sweetie, breakfast is ready!”

Her husband shouting from downstairs broke Y/N out of her thoughts, and she took a deep breath, realizing that she’d just have to go down there and continue to lie to him.

Except... what if she didn’t?

The woman was tired of keeping it a secret, tired of wasting valuable time that they could be celebrating together. Yes, of course, her decision to wait was for no reason other than to give him an elaborate surprise, but Steve was never a fan of flashy presentations anyways.

That’s it, she decided. She’s going to tell him.

Y/N gave herself a little reassuring nod in the mirror before heading down the stairs, ready to give her husband one of the most exciting announcements of his entire long, long life.

When she got downstairs, she found him placing the breakfast on their plates, his back towards her. The man turned around upon hearing her footsteps and gave her a gentle smile.

“I didn’t know if you wanted two or three pancakes, so I just made you three. You have an empty stomach anyways right now, but if you can’t finish them, just pass ‘em over to me. You know I’ll eat anythi-”

“Stevie.”

He turned to fully face her upon hearing her serious tone, looking down at her curiously. “Yeah?”

“Um... there’s something I want to tell you.” Y/N spoke timidly, before pointing to the kitchen chair he usually sat in. “You should probably sit down.” She watched as he slowly lowered himself to his chair, looking worried as ever, before she walked over and straddled his lap.

“What’s going on?” Steve gulped, placing his hands comfortingly on her hips.

“Listen, uh...” The woman took a deep breath, trying to both calm herself and collect her thoughts. “This is not how I had originally planned on telling you. I actually, uh, had a couple different cute things planned, but I just decided that I didn’t want to wait anymore, so I’m telling you now. I don’t want to waste anymore time, especially not with how last time went.”

“Last time with what?” Her husband questioned, still very much confused. “What do you have to tell me, baby?”

And so, Y/N looked deeply into his eyes, deciding to just come out and say it. It was now or never. “I’m pregnant.”

Steve’s jaw immediately dropped. “What?”

“I’m pregnant, Stevie.” The woman stated again, beginning to grin. “We’re gonna’ have a baby.”

A huge smile instantly made its way onto her husband’s face, his whole entire demeanour lightening up. “W-We’re gonna’ have a baby?” He questioned, wanting to hear her confirm it one more time. She gave him a giggly nod and that was all he needed. “We’re gonna’ have a baby!” Steve cheered as he sprung out of his seat, picking Y/N up and twirling her around. “Oh my goodness, Y/N! We’re gonna’ have a baby!”

His wife continued to giggle as he gently put her down, smashing his lips onto hers. Y/N moaned into the kiss and as soon as the man separated, his hands instantly found her belly.

“When did you found out? How far along are you?” He asked, his eyes travelling up and down the entire length of her body. He was a bit disappointed with himself for not picking up the signs on his own, but then realized that she barely even looked pregnant yet anyways.

“I’m about 6 weeks along. I only found out a couple weeks ago.” Y/N explained, the same giddy smile never leaving either of their faces. “I was trying to figure out some elaborate way to tell you, but... I just couldn’t wait any longer. I hope that’s okay.”

“Sweetheart, how you told me was perfect.” Steve affirmed, all of the clues coming together in his mind as they spoke. “That’s why you were sick, huh?” She nodded. “And the bananas?”

“A pregnancy food aversion of mine. It happened last time too.” Y/N told him, watching as his smile proceeded to falter a little.

“Last time.” He spoke sadly, beginning to feel guilty again. “I swear, babydoll, I swear that this time is going to be different. Okay?”

“I know, honey.” She tried to reassure him. “I have no doubt in my mind; not anymore.” Just looking at him, Y/N could tell that it was still weighing him down. “Listen, Stevie. I’m always going to miss A.J., I’m always going to love A.J., and I’m always going to remember how hard that entire process was for me. But it’s been five years now, and I’ve accepted it. All that we can do now is move on and grow.”

Y/N watched as Steve as lowered himself to his knees, placing a gentle kiss on her clothed stomach.

“We have another chance now, hon. Let’s enjoy it.” She said with a small smile, running her fingers through his silky blond hair.

“And maybe another one after that too?” Steve questioned, looking up at her with a certain gleam of hope in his crystal blue eyes.

Y/N giggled. “Yes, maybe another one after that too. One day.”

Her husband lifted up her tank top so that it was exposing her entire belly, before pressing multiple loving kisses all over it. “Hey, little buddy.” He spoke against her skin. “I love you so much, okay? I just found out about you and I already love you so, so much. I’m gonna’ take such good care of you and your mama. Such good care.”

As Steve whispered sweet nothings to her baby belly, Y/N felt her heart swell, knowing that this time... this time things were going to be different. This child was so incredibly lucky, and they weren’t even born yet.

She felt her husband press another kiss to her stomach, followed by another, and another, and another, and... “Stevie!” Y/N giggled, her ticklishness kicking in.

“What?” The man looked up at her with a smirk, pressing another soft kiss to her belly. “I can do this all day.”

Next Chapter

Feedback is always welcome!❤️

#steve rogers x reader #captain america x reader #chris evans x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n

192 notes · View notes

new-tella-us · 4 years

Text

Aight, so this is a very long Komahina Oneshot.

I'm gunna milk the freak out of the popular shiet!

Anyways couple of warnings before we start.

This oneshot is not happy. It contains:

Character Death

Swearing

Illness

Mentions and attempts of suicide

If any of this stuff upsets you then skip this chapter. I'll be making happier stuff in the future.

Bittersweet Ending

"Hey Komaeda! Wanna visit Hajime and Nekomaru with me?"

That was the first thing Nagito heard after leaving his house. Akane was at his door and seeming pretty anxious.

"Oh..uhh sure. I wanted to talk to Hajime, I guess I just never had the time,"

It was still strange to see Akane being nice to him. He always expected something bad to happen to him around her but, lately she's been pretty docile. Though, she still doesn't want to call him by his first name regardless of how many times Nagito has said that it's fine. Nagito quickly got ready and left his tiny cottage with the girl.

...

The walk was long. Nagito offend wondered why Nekomaru and Hajime were put so far away from the rest of the group. Some actually moved closer to them so they wouldn't have to take such a long walk but, not Nagito. He was just...too busy. His mind started to wander as he walked. Where did his story start? Maybe when he woke up.

When he first woke, he couldn't believe it. He was back in reality. A hand reaching out to him snapped his attention right back to reality. He sensed so much hope radiating from the person reaching out that he confused him with the Ultimate Hope, Izuru Kamukura and while, the person was the Ultimate Hope, it wasn't Izuru. Hajime Hinata was his name. His warm smile finally pulled Nagito out of the lull he was in. So he stood up, ready to take on a new world.

...

Two months had past, the fifteen students were able to move to the original Jabberwock Island and live there in peace. Of course, occasionally, the Future Foundation would ask for assistance from Hajime but, other than that, it was quite peaceful. So peaceful, in fact, that Makoto Naegi decided to slightly dampen the mood of the island by building a graveyard for all the student of Hope Peak that got killed in the Tragedy. Each set of areas were separated by class and for everyone that died, they would build a ginormous, well more like life size, statue of the person.

That ended up pissing a lot of people off for obvious reasons, since there was only one death from class 77. Chiaki Nanami, she would stand alone in a sea of statues that threatened to drown her in the meaningless names and monotonous stone gray.

Hajime also brought up a pretty good point.

"Makoto, this is our home. If you put every class, every Ultimate, all 78 of them here, our island would become a travelers island,"

"We'll make sure to moderate that but, this just the best area we can put these and respect our dead, plus this is probably going to be where we bury you guys and I would thing you would want to be near friends,"

No one had much of an argument. Hajime sighed and agreed to the plans on the condition that Makoto keeps visitors to a minimum and never does overnight stays. Makoto agreed and it was settled. They decided the graveyard would take up the entire fifth island to keep it as far away as possible. After all, the group didn't need a constant reminder that not everyone got out. Nagito didn't need a constant reminder that he got the last bit of her killed for his idiotic plan and now she'll never come back.

Never.

...

More months past and life was normal...well, their version of normal, at least. Through out these months, he and Hajime have gotten closer than ever. Hajime seems to be the only one who cares, Nagito likes it when they hangout...he always does this. He always gets attached despite it never ending well. He did it with his dog;the dog got ran over, his parents; they died in a plane freak accident, Chiaki...yeah... He knows he always gets attached to the ones who will die and yet, he still gets attached.

...

He caught something...Oh not Hajime, Nagito. Nagito got sick, really sick. He could barely move out of bed. People kept visiting him, Mikan kept checking up on him and Hajime, unlike with the Liar Disease, actually stayed. By the end of the week, the group had given him flowers that he couldn't take care of (Mahiru did so instead), and all sorts of candies that he didn't have the appetite for, even Hiyoko gave him her favorite brand of gummy bears. Throughout the few weeks, he fluctuated between good days and bad days.

On one of his good days, he was hanging out with Hajime. He insisted that they hang out somewhere other than the house. Hajime furiously declined saying that Nagito need to rest and, as per usual, he was right but Nagito just didn't want to sit in bed any longer.

"Fine, I'll just go somewhere by myself" Nagito said in a huff. Hajime's face changed from a "what the actual hell??" Look to a defeated one. Nagito knew Hajime would never leave Nagito alone while sick on this island so, Hajime agreed.

Nagito decided that they were going to the cemetery that finished it's construction very recently. Hajime didn't put up a fight and they both headed there. Once they arrived, they had to walk through class after class to find the class they were looking for. Nagito started to feel his "good" day going bad but, tried his best to keep a strong face. They finally made it to the class 77 area and there she stood, alone. Stone eyes staring down at her Nintendo DC. Nagito briefly wondered what game she would be playing to be so intensely staring down at the game without looking up before he remembered that this was a statue.

"So, why here of all places? Did you want to mourn Chiaki?" Hajime asked, blunt and to the point as always. So Nagito answered with all equally blunt question.

"When I die, do you think they'll put my statue next to hers?"

Hajime seemed caught off-guard, he didn't seemed to know what to say next.

"Umm, supposedly? It would probably be in death order. Y'know, like who dies first?"

"Exactly, when I die, which should be soon-" Nagito couldn't hold back the sickness anymore and doubled over coughing. This, of course, panicked Hajime as he tried to help as much as he could. When the coughing died down and Nagito could breathe again, he commented; "See? I told you tha-"

Hajime cut him off, "You're being delusional. You're not going to die, Nagito"

"You don't know that and I'm not getting healthier"

"It's a cold.."

Now, Nagito was the one to interrupt, "Colds don't last weeks Hajime"

"It's a fuckin' bug" Hajime cursed

"Now look who's being delusional, it's my sickness. It's finally coming to tak-"

"Enough with the with the fucking death talk! You're not gunna die Nagito!" His voice was louder but, he didn't sound as certain. "You're...not.." his voice was shaking, pleading for Nagito to stop. Of course Nagito had to take it so far. He always takes it too far and ends up in these kinds of situations.

"...Sorry"

"Let's...get you home, you're not feeling well"

...

Turns out, Hajime was right, it was just a cold but with his immunodeficiencies, it made it much harder to fight off. With the right medicine and another four days, Nagito started to improve. People were still cautious, now that every had seen how a common cold could affect him, they were more hesitant to let him do the common housework that he used to do on the regular. They all collectively decided thatNagito would take regular check ups to keep his health in check. He agreed to keep them all from panicking too much. Hajime insisted that Nagito does a blood test and a brain scan.

"Just in case of something serious.."

Why? Hajime should be the last person to say that. He is the only person that knows about Nagito's condition...was it to let everyone else know? He gave Nagito a look, a look that was hard to decipher. It almost seemed like Hajime knew something that Nagito didn't.

...

.........

....What?

This is....

That's impossible...

Maybe the tests were flawed? Maybe there was a mix up....

Nope, these are his results but, that's impossible.

These tests say he's anemic.

Just anemic. Not any of the other illnesses he was diagnosed with as a teen. Vitamin Deficiency Anemia. A chronic but usually treatable condition. The worst part? It matches up with how Nagito has been feeling since he got the disease. The pale skin, the weight loss, the inability to fight of the smallest of colds without weeks of treatment. It all lines up. This is...some really good luck. Life saving good luck...that means, the next surge of bad luck might be...Life ending. No..NO! Nagito refuses to lose anyone else and certainly not because of his luck!

...

"That's amazing, Nagito!" Hajime said.

Hajime was the only person Nagito could go to about this. He knew so much already, it made it easier to tell him more...and yet, now Nagito felt guilty. His relationship with Hajime got slightly strained with the graveyard talk and now Hajime has seemed to almost completely forget that. He even seems happy, genuinely happy. Did Nagito really want to ruin that? ...He had to.

"Uhm, yeah but, this surge of good luck is sure to come with harsh repercussion," Nagito said nervously.

Silence...

"Nagito...please, just this once. Can you just be happy when something good happens to you?" Hajime's voice was a mixture of annoyed and worried.

"Not when this could kill someone. Sorry," Nagito might have to reconsider if telling Hajime things is a good idea anymore...

"...Okay, how about this? If we tell everyone to watch out for something bad and keep on their toes, will you at least try to enjoy yourself?"

That didn't feel good enough but, there wasn't much Nagito could do. "Fine"

...

A couple weeks had passed by. Nagito became more and more restless with everyday that nothing happened. Recently, the Future Foundation called some of them to a small mission on the main land. To gather intel on a rebel group that still stands by the complete extermination of Ultimates. Nekomaru, Nagito, Hajime, Mikan and surprisingly Hiyoko were tasked with this. Throughout that time, Nagito tried his best to trigger his bad luck. Walking through the most dangerous parts of town everyday to see if something would happen...Nothing did. He tried everything to cause any form of bad luck to ease his mind, from dangerously unstable platforms to rebel infested areas. Nothing happened. Nothing but Nagito constantly worrying his group.

"Nagito, you can just come with us. You know that right?" Hajime mentioned, worrying flashing in his heterochromatic eyes. Nagito liked to stare into them but, now is not the time.

"Oh, I would never dream of disturbing the presence of you with mine."

Hajime started to look pissed off.

"Listen Nagito, is you are still worried about your bad luck...I understand but, you can't force it to activate. Just let the inevitable happen."

Okay, now Nagito's pissed off. Let the inevitable happen? Does Hajime not care that the 'inevitable' could be death?

"You're acting too casual about all of this. This is something big and you're acting like it's nothing. Do you not care? Not care that someone on our island could die? After all we've been through?"

"Of course I care but, what am I supposed to do? Let you get yourself killed? If you have forgotten, you are also someone on our island. I can't just allow you to die! I have to at least try to save everyone as I always have!"

"....I'm not that important, I caused a good portion of this. It's not like anyone would truly care too much if I was gone. It's fine to let a nobody like me die," Nagito said. Did he mean it? Maybe but, he didn't want to be the cause of anymore pain or death...

Hajime was steaming, he looked like he might actually hit something in anger but instead, he grabbed Nagito's shoulders and pushed him up against a wall. Now, Nagito couldn't ignore him. Couldn't try to push his concerns aside.

"I care dammit! Can't you see that?"

Nagito's heart raced. His face was so close to Hajime's. He felt like something bad was bound to happen with them so close. A part of him, really wanted to just lean in and kiss Hajime while he had the chance. The part that wanted to possible keep some form of a friendship with Hajime, however, knew not to.

"If I didn't, I wouldn't have spent days getting you out of that coma. If none of us cared, we wouldn't have spent time, energy and money to help you get better and to give you gifts while you were ill. We all care about you. So please...don't...don't leave me like Chiaki did.." Hajime plead, desperately. He seemed near tears, tightening his grip on Nagito. It's rare to ever see Hajime so scared. It hurt Nagito, since he couldn't honestly promise that. At that moment, he truly did wished he stayed in that coma or..no..further than that, he just wished he was never lucky to begin with. His luck caused so many people pain, include the man that's now pleading for Nagito to live in front of him. Despite Hajime's pleading, Nagito knew what he had to do to make this awful cycle stop.

"I...I promise," Nagito lied, "I'm sorry"

Hajime's grip loosened then he hugged Nagito.

"Thank you..." Hajime's voice was shaky but, genuine. Nagito couldn't say anything to that.

...

It's time. Nagito made sure to spend time with everyone he could. It was the end of the investigation and nearly time for everyone to go home...Nagito wasn't going to make it home. On one of his investigations, he found a very tall skyscraper. The tallest one with the exception of Hope's Peak. He wasn't going to jump from there, not when Makoto is trying his hardest to repair the place.

He stood on the roof of this broken building. The railings that once stood there, probably to prevent what Nagito was about to do, rusted and withered away. He stood at the edge, looking on at the city that he helped destroy.

He was about to step off when he heard someone.

"Nagito?"

Of course, of all people, it had to be him. Nagito turned around to see none other than Hajime standing at the doorway next to Nagito's shoes that he removed to confirm that this wasn't a murder. Nagito turned back to the city. He felt no reason to hide it anymore and repeated a question he asked a long time ago.

"Do you think, when I die, they'll put my statue near her's?"

Hajime answered the same too.

"That depends on who dies first in the group. They'll probably organize it in death order..."

Nagito said nothing. He knew that if that's the case then, he would be right next to her.

"You really aren't going to turn back, are you? You are that afraid of your talent that this is what you think you have to choose?"

Still nothing.

"Can you at least give me an answer?"

Nagito couldn't. He was so focused at looking on at the city, he didn't realize that Hajime had made it next him.

"Just turn back, go on without me," Nagito turned to Hajime and smiled, "You'll forget me eventually,"

Hajime said nothing but eventually turned away and started walking back. Nagito was a little surprised but was also glad that Hajime understood. He went back to looking at the city.

"If I can't convince you. I guess..." Nagito heard Hajime walking back and felt his hug. Nagito turned to face Hajime and maybe question something, before he could say anything, Hajime continued,

"I can at least make sure you don't die alone."

Hajime pushed himself forward off the edge, taking Nagito with him.

Now, they were falling. Falling fast. It didn't feel fast though. It felt like the world slowed down, everything was noisy but, silent. Nagito couldn't believe it. It was really happening. That's when Nagito started to question the things he should have thought about before choosing this way of ending it. What if he didn't die on impact? Would it hurt? Would it burn? Would he just feel numb? How long can you even last after a fall like that? But, those questions are useless to ask now...

He wanted to tell Hajime how he felt. He knew he was going to die so, it wouldn't matter. He might as well. Plus, Hajime would probably not hear him over the pressure threatening to burst their eardrums in its might.

He screamed to the top of his lungs the words he wanted to say since the Neo World Program.

"I Love You, Hajime!"

He didn't expect much. He didn't any response. So he certainly didn't expect what was said next.

"I Love You Too!"

Hajime...loved him? He didn't expect that at all. This, somehow, made Nagito feel better and worse at the same time. He hugged Hajime tighter, they should be close to the ground soon so, Nagito can die without much regret.

"And I told you," Hajime continued, "I'm going to try and save everyone. Including you."

Immediately after that, Nagito felt shift in positions. Now, it was Hajime under Nagito. Nagito realized what Hajime was going to do. He was going to take to brunt of the landing on the chance that Nagito would live. If Nagito was lucky, he could live.

And, of course,

Nagito was lucky.

...

"We're here! Finally!" Akane's voice snapped Nagito back into reality.

"Y-yeah, that walk took a-a lot out of me..." Mikan followed. Wait, when did Mikan get here? She must have joined their walk while Nagito was spaced out.

"A-are you o-okay Nagito-san? You s-seem spaced out.."

Oh right, he probably seems very out of it on their walk, he should say something.

"Yes, I'm okay, I was just...thinking."

He looked up at the cemetery entrance and prepared himself when he entered.

75...76...77. Class 77...

All the way to the left is Chiaki Nanami, the first to go. She was the hope of Class 77 and thus Junko Enoshima, the Ultimate Despair, had her executed. She was a kind girl that did her best to help and protect everyone she could. She will always be remembered. Her plaque says:

"I'm going to get out with all of my friends"

To the right is Nekomaru Nidai. He was a victim of trial four. But he made it out of that world alive. How did he die then? He, unfortunately, had a life-threatening illness and ,unlike Nagito; it wasn't a misdiagnosis. His illness took his life about three weeks ago. His plaque says:

"Keep fighting, the only way to success is to try"

And in the middle, despite the fact that he was not a part of class 77, everyone insisted that he'd be put there. He was family to them all.

Hajime Hinata.

He was the person who saved the class multiple times and never gave up hope. He fought for everyone and, in the end, he died to keep his message. His plaque says.

"I'm going to save everyone, that includes you"

Nagito looks at Akane who was standing there crying but silent. Akane has always had trouble expressing negative emotions so this is a start.

He then looks at Mikan, who was on her knees sobbing at Chiaki's grave. She wholeheartedly blames herself for Chiaki's death, we're trying to convince her that it's not her fault. Maybe one day they can convince her. Then he looks at Hajime. He just stares. It, at first seemed like appropriate weather for this occasion. Rain. Until Nagito realized that sky, though dark, is clear. He wiped his eyes to find that the 'rain' was really tears. He was crying and yet, he wasn't broken. He was sad but, felt weirdly happy.

"Inevitable, huh? At least, I'm glad I got to know you before the inevitable." Nagito said, out loud. "This is such a bittersweet ending."

Allll right! This is finally done. I am literally about to cry. This is the saddest thing I've ever written. 😭 The next chapter is gunna be a lot happier.

Thanks for reading.

#danganronpa #danganronpa2 #danganronpa3 #hajime hinata #sdr2 hajime #sdr2 nagito #nagito komaeda #komahina #oneshot #sad

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msiopao · 4 years

Text

The One with the Polaroids

pairing: jungkook x nobi

summary: whilst cleaning their closet, nobi stumbles upon a box that she thought she lost 5 years ago

to say the least, it was dirty.

ever since they moved in 2 years ago, the dorm hasn’t been properly cleaned because they were either too busy with touring or too lazy to do it. but it has gotten to the point where they actually were willing to clean everything. part of the reason might’ve been the boredom and the need to do something productive and the other reason could be that they would like to grab something without dusting it off first.

nobi and jungkook first started cleaning their room and around their beds. with having the biggest room in the dorm, they took a while to fully dust, vaccum, and throw away random garbage they found either under their beds or under their desks.

“ew, kook, why is there a banana milk box here?” she whined in disgust when she saw it under his bed.

jungkook merely shrugged and continued wiping the windows. “i don’t know. probably had a late snack.”

“dear god, jeon jungkook, we have a trash can for a reason!” she chided but he just turned to give her a grin.

“sorry.”

sighing, she got up from the floor and fluffed up the millions of pillows on her bed before grabbing the broom to sweep under her own bed. there was just paper balls and socks in the mix but she noticed a hoodie that she thought she really lost forever ago.

“oh my god!” nobi squealed and picked it up, examining it. it looked the same except it just had dust bunnies. “my stussy jacket!”

jungkook finished his job and looked over to what she was squealing for and gave her a look. “you mean my stussy jacket?”

laughing at his question, nobi walked over to him and patted his cheek. “sharing is caring, bub.”

a knock from their bedroom door made her go and answer it, finding jin at the other side.

“just saying that we have all the washers running so you might wait a while to run your guys’ stuff,” jin explained causing her to pout.

“this is why i keep saying that we should buy another. it’s a hassle with only 5 washers,” she pouted. jin smiled before ruffling her hair.

“once one of them is done, i’ll tell you.”

jungkook picked up a striped sock before tossing it to his laundry basket so that it could be washed. it baffled him of how many socks he has, considering he walks around the house barefoot.

once jin left, nobi went to their closet and opened the door, revealing the tons of clothing hanging on both top and bottom. it was split into 2 sections with jungkook’s and her clothing separate. but honestly, there was no use as she used his clothing most of the time.

“hey, jungkook, should we wash all of our clothes? i mean, some of these haven’t been washed in several months. probably, since we moved,” she said.

he followed her inside and went to the very back of the closet, noticing that there was actually dust on the shoulder of one of his jackets. he took it off the long bar and examined it, forgetting he even owned it.

“do you remember this jacket, bub?” he asked making nobi look at him.

she looked at it and furrowed her eyebrows before shaking her head no. “i don’t think i’ve seen it before.”

“hm, maybe we should donate some of our clothes that we don’t own anymore. its good to give to those who need it rather than letting it sit here.”

nobi looked at him, shocked. “wah, jeon jungkook! you sounded so mature just now!”

he rolled his eyes and shoved her shoulder to hide the redness of his cheeks. “shut up. i’m always mature.”

she grabbed a big laundry basket for them to put their clothes in and they placed the hangers back on its place. nobi was amazed at how big their closet was and how small it felt when they it used to cramped with clothing. as they neared the end of the line, she saw a few boxes on the very back corner that looked like its never been touched.

she crouched in front of it and inspected it to see her handwriting, ‘2015′. lifting the boxes individually, she placed it by the foot of her bed and got out a pocket knife to cut through the packing tape that sealed it shut. jungkook noticed her with the boxes and sat on her bed as she wrenched the cardboard box open.

inside, there were many little trinkets from what looked to be tickets to a movie, a shonen jump magazine, a red jacket, and a smaller box at the bottom. carefully placing the stuff on top of her bed, she pulled out the black box and she felt a familiarity with it.

“ah! that box!” jungkook pointed. she looked at him in confusion.

“this?” she held up before lifting the lid open, finding an old polaroid camera with different pictures.

nobi held up the black and white object and blew the dust away, making jungkook cough as it was directed as his face. he made a sound of surprise but she paid him no mind, fingers reaching for the polaroids that were a mix of colored and black and white.

“did i... did i forget about these?” she whispered, hurt and angry at herself for not remembering about these precious memories.

“to be honest, i even forgot about it. maybe the members too,” he reassured.

there was one from her birthday. in the bottom, it was written, ‘nov 7 2014′ while the picture was of her with icing all over her face and carrying the birthday cake. she had a wide grin on her face and a party hat on her head.

“oh my god.. i remember these now,” she quietly stated. “this was one of the things that i took with me when i became a trainee. it was originally my mum’s.”

jungkook softly smiled at her and he gently grabbed her hand to sit on the bed where she was situated between his legs with her back against his chest. he rested his chin on her shoulder while she sifted through several more pictures.

one of her and tae in the restaurant they used to go to.

one of her and jimin in the dancing studio.

one of jin cooking.

one of hobi as he smiled widely.

one of namjoon in LA.

one of yoongi playing the piano.

one of her and jungkook as they clutched the music show trophy.

all of these were the memories of her youth yet they were sealed away in a box, only to be found years later.

as much as there were pictures of her members, jungkook was in most of them. from the simplest things like catching him staring at the camera to the happier things like their picnic in Han river that one night. he was present in almost all of the pictures and the camera lens was most familiar of his face.

nobi took a minute to fully look at this picture of her and kook where they were both lounging on her top bunk with their backs against the wall and her head on his shoulder while his rested on top of hers. the light hit them perfectly and the white walls shined the setting sun behind them. she remembered asking tae to take the picture and them fearing for their lives when their combined weight rattled the bed with the slightest movement. they both wore white and both of their hair was as messy as it could be.

it was labeled, ‘may 8 2014′, in black sharpie marker.

“god, my bare face was so bad back then.” her complaints made jungkook gently pinch her side.

“you were and have never been ugly.”

she turned her head to look at him, “yah, remember when i forgot to wash my face for 2 days and suddenly acne popped out of nowhere?”

he laughed and hugged her tighter. “you were forgetful. actually, still is. and you were too busy practicing in the studio to remember that you needed to take care of yourself too.”

a sad smile slowly replaced her grin, “but when i did remember, there was no cleanser left. i didn’t have money to buy more so i just endured it.”

“i think i used it all up. does my apology still count today?” he playfully asked to lighten her mood.

but the pain didn’t leave. “i remembered begging my parents for money. i wanted to have enough money to take care of all of us and put the company’s money to the music video.”

jungkook grew silent as she relived the time in their past where they struggled financially. it was a time where they almost disbanded because of their lack of money and not being financially stable enough to create their mv.

“i took the last bit of money i had to go to Jeju and i threw all my shame out of the window by asking them for more money. taehyung cried because he was hungry but we already spent our food money for the month. the imo from the restaurant has fed us so many times and never asked anything in return. that was when i knew i had to do something,” said nobi. “our manager was already doing so much for us and i didn’t want to ask for more.”

she never told him or the members this so he stared at her, sad and slightly upset that she burdened herself so early on. jungkook could faintly remember her disappearing for a few days and turning up a few days later with food from the convenience store. the angry outburst from yoongi being so worried for her still echoes in his memory to this day.

“i didn’t want all of our hard work to go to waste. i knew if we didn’t have any money, we would be forced to break up and i didn’t want to leave you guys. even if they didn’t help us, i wanted to think that i did everything i can to keep us together and i fought every battle with my all. we were just starting and the thought of it ending so quickly scared me.”

“we fought those battles and we won them all, nobi. we won them together,” he soothed. jungkook could feel her relax into his chest and he placed a kiss on her hair to remind her that he is there for her.

“god, i just brought the mood down, didn’t i?” she laughed. jungkook shook his head no.

“hm, no. you’ve always kept these things to yourself and never speak out whenever you have troubles. so, hearing you talk about this makes me happy because i feel like you’re finally opening up to me, bub.”

nobi swung her legs so she was able to look at him and wrapped her arms around his neck, softly tugging at the hair at the nape of his neck. jungkook looked down at her with a curious smile while he rested his hand on her knee, caressing it gently.

“nah, i like keeping these things to myself. it gives me the mysterious vibes that i want. when people get curious about you, that’s when they instinctively stick around to try and figure you out. it’s like i’m running away and you’re after me to finally figure me out. i try to play hard to get,” she countered.

he chuckled before bumping her forehead with his. “is that why i’m still with you?”

“the chase is not over yet, jeon jungkook-ssi.”

“then i’ll chase you till it is.”

....

with their cleaning tools scattered around the floor and previous intention of laundry wiped from their minds, they spent the next few hours using up the leftover film in the camera. nobi tried to make it as aesthetically pleasing as possible with her posing on the bed with a fake rose or jungkook standing by the window.

“wah, i feel bad for ARMY who can’t have these pictures. maybe we should post them?” she curiously asked while waiting for the picture to develop. he blanched at her question.

“yah, these are too intimate to be revealed to hundreds of millions of people in the internet!” he bursted causing her to laugh out loud. he sat up from the bed as he was previously laying, thinking of different picture ideas.

“i know. im just teasing. its cute to see you so jealous,” she smirked.

jungkook pouted and tutted. “i’m not jealous. i just try to help and look out for your innocent image.”

nobi walked towards him from the window and stood between his legs, jungkook loosely holding her hips. she pushed the hair that was covering his forehead and placed a soft kiss on it.

“i think we all know that concept has been out of the window since we turned legal.”

a/n: the moods in this one is just everywhere

additional: sorry for the total silence these past few days bc this girl has been binging on haikyuu

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malkumtend · 4 years

Text

I Like Your Laugh. (A CrowSquirrel AU Fanfic) - Chapter 8.

Despite all their efforts to keep a straight face, the group were quickly losing patience.

They stalked along a series of hedges interconnecting a wall of Twoleg dens, guided by the old cat who had led them along for what seemed like moons. Which wouldn’t have been a problem, if it appeared that Purdy actually knew where he was going. But as they walked along the dark space, littered with twoleg rubbish, the craning on the cat’s head from side to side made them all wonder whether or not he was making it up as he went along.

“How much longer are we going to put up with this flea-pelt?” Crowpaw hissed under his breath. He looked exhausted after doing nothing but following aimlessly under the hot sun, and his mood seemed sharp and ready to strike.

The only cats who could hear him were the ones beside him at the back of the group. “What else can we do?” Feathertail said morosely, his usually bright eyes dim with fatigue. “It’s not like we’d be much use around here without him. At least he knows the place.”

“Or so he says.” Squirrelpaw muttered, glowering in the direction of the others.

Squirrelpaw had been trying, she really wanted to keep a cool head and show respect for Purdy and the ‘help’ he was offering. But her paws were aching and the sun’s heat was swelling all around her fluffy body. She had to keep calm though, everyone around her was clearly on edge, like her, and it would do nobody any favours if she started chewing out the elder cat.

Surprisingly, Feathertail had no comment against Squirrelpaw’s jab. Another sign that the Warrior shared her thoughts. Crowpaw openly agreed though with a displeasing snarl. “His brain is mouse bile. He’s leading us like a dog chasing its tail.”

Squirrelpaw snickered, her emerald eyes falling cheekily onto the grey apprentice; she was desperate for something to distract her from the pain in her paws. “We’ll probably see the entire Twolegplace before he turns back and blames a wrong turn.”

The edges of Crowpaw’s lips turned up. “His fleas will die before we make it out, we’ll be able to count them as they fall off.”

Squirrelpaw let out a snort of laughter that made the nearest cat in front, Stormfur, look back curiously. “Everything okay?”

The ginger apprentice nodded sleepily, “Yeah, don’t worry.” She glanced over at Crowpaw, grinning when he gave her a playful wink. A happiness coursed through her, making the pain in her paws fade away for a second. Stormfur looked up at Feathertail who shrugged meekly with a loving smile. The grey Warrior shook his head and looked forward again.

Feathertail gave the two cats a light swat on their flanks with her tail. “Be careful, you two. I don’t think the others will be in the mood for jokes, especially if they’re about Purdy.” She warned.

Squirrelpaw sniffed, “I didn’t hear you arguing against them.”

Feathertail stared at her with a stare strangely mixed between hard and soft. “That’s because I’m more forgiving than the others.” She dictated, swiftly stroking Squirrelpaw’s side with her nose, tickling the smaller cat. Squirrelpaw pulled away with a delighted giggle. “I can actually tolerate you two.”

Crowpaw snorted, “Yeah, well I don’t know how much more I can tolerate of this!”

“Cheer up.” Feathertail said, her tail brushing over Crowpaw’s back. The gentle connection of her fur with his made the grin drop from Squirrelpaw’s face. That sinking, stupid feeling rose up in her gut again. “We’ll get out of here eventually.”

Squirrelpaw resisted the urge to grimace when Crowpaw smiled, soothed, at the Warrior. Feathertail always seemed to be the one who could calm him down when he got angry. Smile at me that way.

Her eyes found the sky with a quiet sigh as she cursed how she sounded. What right did she have to be sad? What was she even sad about? Crowpaw and Feathertail were good friends, they had been before she had made friends with the both of them. Of course they were closer. But now she was annoyed whenever the two shared even the smallest of smiles!

No. Not just annoyed. She felt sickly. Like a snake’s venom was flooding her organs.

Some friend I am. Squirrelpaw felt a bitter sting in her stomach. Who was she to judge Feathertail? It was as clear as a pool how the Warrior felt about Crowpaw. It had become evident when he had bravely risked his life to save her from the dog. Now, whenever the Warrior looked at Crowpaw, there was an obvious glowing fondness around her. Affection that blazed as strongly as the love Feathertail had for her brother.

The most recent example had been yesterday. They’d been inside a Twoleg garden where a small pond rested at the side, brimming with a number of fish. While the others rested for a moment, Feathertail had offered to teach Squirrelpaw and Crowpaw how to fish. It had been much harder than Squirrelpaw had thought, the fish would slip out of her paws and slap her with a drizzle of water. Though it had been funny when Crowpaw had dropped the fish that he had caught in his mouth, spitting and retching over what he had called a salty taste.

Until Feathertail had squealed in delight. Squirrelpaw had figured it out before Crowpaw did as well. He’d received his saltwater sign! It was strange how much joy had gone through Squirrelpaw at that moment. They’d all known how desperate Crowpaw was for his sign, for the instinct that Starclan was watching over him, and now he had finally been awarded it, Squirrelpaw couldn’t help but feel absurdly happy for her friend.

He deserved to be proud of himself.

But Feathertail had seemed even happier, brushing her pelt against Crowpaw’s and whispering affectionate congratulations to the starstruck apprentice. It had been previously thought that Crowpaw loathed physical contact of any kind. Crowpaw didn’t complain once. In fact, he seemed unnaturally content.

Squirrelpaw had strained to keep a smile.

Feathertail really liked Crowpaw.

Squirrelpaw had discomfort whenever she saw it.

But not for the reasons she thought.

Most cats would have been repulsed simply because of how the thought of loving a cat from another clan went against the Warrior Code. To most it created disloyalty. Feathertail knew that better than any cat on the journey. And yet…she still didn’t care.

And while Squirrelpaw thought she did originally, it wasn’t that. It wasn’t that kind of disgust. Every cat was guilty of clan disloyalty at this point; according to the code, none of them should have really been friends at all. The fact that she saw Feathertail and Crowpaw as better friends than Brambleclaw was practically a crime.

But Squirrelpaw didn’t give a foxtail! She’d tried her hardest at her clan, and they all treated her as less because she didn’t look like she was ever going to live up to their perfect image of their perfect leader, her father! It wasn’t fair! No cat had the right to judge her for becoming close friends with the cats who actually treated her with respect!

So why did she feel so sick at how closely Feathertail viewed Crowpaw?

Did…Did Crowpaw even feel the same way?

If he did, he certainly hid it well. But Crowpaw hid all of his emotions well! It was impossible to figure out if he was in a good or bad mood half the time! So it wouldn’t be too hard for him to cover his thoughts if he actually…

Squirrelpaw shuddered. It was still bewildering how much she was actually thinking about this. Feathertail was her friend, if she actually liked Crowpaw that way, she should be encouraging it. That was what being a good friend meant. Especially if it looked like Crowpaw…

Again, it struck. That panging ache. That worry.

Fox-dung! Why am I being so ridiculous? Her teeth clenched. She needed to stop this! There was nothing to get worried over! So what if Feathertail liked Crowpaw? She didn’t…care. There were more pressing matters to attend to! Like how stupidly long they had been following this kittypet to nowhere!

In a stranger turn of events, it looked like Brambleclaw actually said what Squirrelpaw wanted to hear.

“Purdy, are you sure this is the right way?” Brambleclaw asked, an obvious strain in his polite tone.

The older cat flicked his tail, “Of course I’m sure.” He meowed in vague amusement. “Don’t you youngins worry now. We’re just heading to higher ground, then we’ll get a better idea of where we’re headin’.”

Every cat’s head jerked up. “What?” Crowpaw snapped. “You said earlier you recognised the path like the back of your paw! We could have found higher ground ourselves!”

“Crowpaw.” Feathertail sighed, but she looked just as perturbed as the rest of them. Squirrelpaw was furious as well. Did Purdy even have any idea where they were? Were they actually walking in circles?

“Now now.” Purdy replied, his voice infuriatingly lacking any sense of concern. “No need to get snappy. Sure, I know this place, there’s a high wall near here that’ll give you lot a better idea, that’s all.”

Sounds like rabbit-dung to me. Squirrelpaw thought, a glare growing on her face. Crowpaw was right, if they’d wanted to find higher ground by now, they could have done it without the old tom’s help. He was wasting their time.

“So where is this wall then?” Tawnypelt growled, her patience thin.

“Just by an upwalker place. Just a couple a’ steps away.” Purdy either didn’t realise, or didn’t care, that every cat around him was clearly fed up of his false promises.

Squirrelpaw frowned. Knowing you, a step takes half the day.

“This is mouse-brained!” Crowpaw growled at the rest of the cats, “Why did we even trust you to begin with? Come on, we can find our own way!” He proclaimed.

Only Tawnypelt muttered in agreement, the other four kept silent in frustration.

“We might have been able to find higher ground earlier.” Stormfur said, giving a harsh sideways stare at Purdy. “But not now. Just look around us.”

Squirrelpaw grumbled. Stormfur was right, they were surrounded by thin walls that offered no area for climbing, and in front of them were still a series of different paths that could easily catch them off guard. They really had no choice.

“Stormfur’s right.” Brambleclaw agreed reluctantly, “We’ll get lost either way, we have to trust Purdy now.” He gave Crowpaw a warning stare, daring him to object. For a moment it looked like Crowpaw would, but the rest of the cats around him murmured in agreement and the apprentice had to fall silent, sulkily flicking his paw across the dirty floor.

Squirrelpaw frowned when she saw Brambleclaw smirk in his ‘victory’, she rubbed her pelt against Crowpaw’s encouragingly. “Don’t worry about it.” The other cats began to follow Purdy again, out of unwilling trust.

The grey apprentice frowned at her. “You know he’s as mouse-brained as he looks. Why didn’t you agree with me?”

Squirrelpaw shook her head with a tired sigh. “Come on, Crowpaw. What choice do we have? He’s the only one who might know where he’s going around here.” She tried to be gentle, she didn’t want Crowpaw to think that she didn’t trust his judgement. But, right now, they had to follow Purdy.

“And he might instead have maggots where his brain should be.” Crowpaw muttered.

“Look, I don’t like it as much as you do.” Squirrelpaw huffed. “But there’s nothing else we can do.”

“She’s right, Crowpaw.” Feathertail added in, walking by his other side. “We’ll end up lost if we leave Purdy now.” Squirrelpaw gave the Warrior a thankful look.

Crowpaw still looked bitter but he relented, seeming to see the cat’s points. “I still think we’re going to end up lost.”

Squirrelpaw batted his side with her tail, “That’s because you always assume the worst.” She chided.

“I just want to get out of this place! Kittypets must be stupid if they can call this place home!”

Squirrelpaw made a sound of acknowledgement. How any cat could prefer this filthy, stinking place over the freedom of the forest was a mystery to her.

The group took a left, walking onto a path where the hedge disappeared, replaced by a thick wall of brick, still overshadowed by Twoleg dens though. The light shone easier around here, at least, which gave every cat a small flicker of hope in the kittypet’s direction. Taking a right, they came to a small wall, clearly leading to the back of a Twoleg den. Squirrelpaw sniffed the air and sighed in relief, any scents of Twoleg, dog, or kittypet were stale by now. They weren’t in any danger around here.

Without warning, Purdy took a leap up the wall, landing clumsily on his worn paws. He glanced down at the group at cats, grinning.

“Well come on up then!” He ordered, his greying whiskers rising in amusement. “Just across this here garden.”

“Not another Twoleg garden.” Squirrelpaw heard Tawnypelt mutter.

“It’s alright, there’s none of them around here.” Squirrelpaw mewed.

Stormfur took a sniff and beamed to the apprentice. “Good nose, Squirrelpaw!” The apprentice smiled back at the praise.

“Yes, well done.” Brambleclaw added, with an audible lack of enthusiasm. Squirrelpaw rolled her eyes. Why do I even bother with him? “Okay, Purdy, we’re coming up.”

“Who made him leader?” Crowpaw whispered to Squirrelpaw.

“No one, as far as I know.”

“Oh shush.” Feathertail meowed, getting ready to pounce. “Let’s head on up.” She did just that, waiting at the top for the two.

Squirrelpaw exchanged a glance with Crowpaw. The Windclan apprentice shrugged and followed the rest, Squirrelpaw being the last to do so. On the other side of the wall was a wide garden, flat grass except for a small stone wall at the sides which encompassed a large collection of flowers. Squirrelpaw’s eyes widened, there were so many, some she recognised from the forest, but most she did not remember ever seeing before. Some buds looked as large as her own body, some were domed and slanted to an unnatural angle. It was like a forest created by the Twolegs alone, bursting with colours that gave the garden its own streaming rainbow.

“It’s beautiful.” Feathertail said, her jaw hung in surprise.

“Isn’t it just.” Purdy purred, “Say what you want about them Upwalkers but they have their uses.”

“No offence, Purdy.” Stormfur said carefully, but with an unimpressed stare. “But we didn’t come here to see a garden. Where can we find higher ground?”

Purdy shrugged and nodded over to the other side of the garden. “Over there is a wall that goes upwards, past the top of these here ‘dens’ as you call em’.” The cats looked over to where he indicated. A wall did stand there, near its back it slanted upwards towards another wall that carried into the next Twoleg garden; it was above the top of the dens height if they looked closely enough.

“If we just go on up that wall and go along it for couple a’ paces, now, we’ll end up in front of this Upwalker place with a good eye of where you kits want to go.”

“What about this den?” Tawnypelt questioned, “I’m not risking anymore Twolegs grabbing at us.”

Purdy waved his tail carelessly, “Ah, don’t you worry about them. Just a old couple of em’ live here. Older than me in fact.” He laughed at his own joke. No one else did. “They won’t be able to catch you youngins, don’t you worry.”

Tawnypelt eyes narrowed with distrust, but she drew back. There was no point in arguing anymore. But still, even Squirrelpaw had her doubts about whether Purdy’s directions would actually lead them well.

“Well lead on then, Purdy.” Brambleclaw sighed.

The old tabby nodded and jumped down into the garden. He looked up at the other cats, all looking between themselves nervously. “Don’t be shy, the flowers won’t bite you.” He snickered.

Crowpaw let out an irritable growl, “Stupid old fool.” He muttered to himself, shutting up when Stormfur gave him a harsh glare.

“Oh, shut up.” The Riverclan tom grumbled, jumping first onto the glittering grass. The others followed close behind. As soon as Squirrelpaw met the grass, she tensed for any trouble; you could never be too careful in this place. Luckily, the den remained undisturbed and no Twoleg scent came to her. She let out a sigh of relief.

“Wow.” She heard Feathertail say to herself. “This is more like it.”

All of the cats would have agreed with her. The vibrant colours of the flowers and the grass, as they twinkled burning light of the sun, was certainly a better sight than the dirty pathways and Thunderpaths that made up most of the Twoleg place. The air was full of the fresh, pungent smells of the flowers, many reminding Squirrelpaw of the wildflowers at home that Leafpaw used in her training. She felt a calming presence soar across her body, and the pain in her paws began to subside now they were against the familiar softness of grass rather than the cold Twoleg stone.

“You can say that again.” Squirrelpaw exhaled peacefully.

“Yeah, yeah, very pretty.” Brambleclaw rasped, “Can you please just get to the other side?” Squirrelpaw’s eyes burned on her clanmate. He just seemed against everything she liked.

“Of course.” Purdy stated with a toothless grin. “Jus’ this way-”

“Wait a second!” Tawnypelt demanded, making every cat freeze in place. Purdy frowned as the molly glowered at him. “How do we know this isn’t just another wrong turn?”

“Feisty, ain’t ya?” Purdy sneered, an irate rasp in his voice. “This is the way, no doubt about it! Trust me here!”

“Yeah, because trusting you has done us so much good this far?” Tawnypelt mumbled, but still clear enough for the cats to hear.

“Tawnypelt.” Stormfur interrupted, his voice almost pleading.

The molly ignored him, “Listen Purdy, we’re all exhausted, we can’t just waste more time on wrong turns!”

“And I’m telling you, there is no wrong turn here!” Purdy’s voice rose a little. Then he turned away with a bitter sniff, “If you’re all so tired, why don’t a couple of ya rest here while I take a couple to check if it’s straight?”

“Leave cats behind because you want us to trust you?” Crowpaw scoffed, “Yeah, no thanks.”

Purdy gave the apprentice a taunting smile, “Okay then, you stay here. You’re a scrappy little warrior, right?”

Crowpaw’s eyes widened in a fury and his claws looked ready for a fight. Squirrelpaw acted fast; a fight now wouldn’t do any of them any good. She stroked her tail against the apprentice’s back, curling down softly.

“Come on.” She purred, “It’s not worth it.”

Crowpaw’s back slackened again, and his eyes softened when they met the ginger molly, making her heart skip briefly, but the snarl never left his muzzle.

Brambleclaw’s frown left the grey apprentice as he thought for a few seconds, his lips tight against his fangs. “I suppose that’s reasonable.” He pondered, “No offence Purdy, we really are thankful for what you’ve done. We’re just…not used to trusting kittypets.”

Squirrelpaw held back the urge to vomit. What’s he kissing his paws for? So Brambleclaw would treat kittypets with respect but not her? Brilliant…

Purdy scoffed, “Ya don’t say?”

Brambleclaw forced an apologetic grin. “It’s not a bad idea though. How far away is the wall that you’re taking us to?”

“Just a couple ol’ steps, be as quick as a flea.”

Brambleclaw seemed to consider this, then he turned to the others. “Okay, how does that sound? A few of us will head up to check it out, the others will stay here, and if it’s right we’ll come back and get the others?”

“Sounds fine by me.” Tawnypelt meowed, before her eyes narrowed dangerously at Purdy. “I’ll go with you, because if you’re wrong again I’ll be lining the wall with your fur.”

Purdy responded to the threat with a sly, mocking smile. “Oh, I really like this one.” The tom jibed.

Before Tawnypelt could respond with another vicious growl, Brambleclaw stormed in. “Okay, that’s settled! So, me and Tawnypelt will go with Purdy, anyone else?”

Squirrelpaw rose up with a spark, “I’ll come too.”

“No.” Brambleclaw didn’t even look at her. The apprentice drew back, anger crawling across her fur. “For all we know, we could run into some more Kittypets on the wall, it’s better to keep the apprentice’s safe.” He said, exaggerating the word with a poisonous snarl.

Purdy rose a brow, “Wha? I doubt that-”

“It’s a risk!” Brambleclaw stated, the strong ferocity in his tone made the kittypet’s mouth snap shut.

Squirrelpaw was astounded. Was Brambleclaw really going to change his tune so easily just so he could have another go at her? What was wrong with him? Furthermore, she was disgusted with how much Brambleclaw talked like his word was final. What gave him the right to order her around like that?

“Excuse me, Flea-pelt?” Crowpaw started forward, his stare boiling with malice. “Just because we’re apprentices doesn’t mean you can treat us like soft elders! We don’t need to be protected, much less by you!”

Squirrelpaw almost marvelled at how unafraid Crowpaw was at speaking his mind. Brambleclaw had humiliated him when they had fought before, yet Crowpaw didn’t care at all. Everything about him just screamed that he was confident that he would tear the tall Warrior to shreds.

It might have been mouse-brained, but mostly it was brave. Squirrelpaw expected nothing less from him.

“That’s right!” Squirrelpaw stepped forward beside her friend. Her mind whirred and she smirked devilishly. “Anyway, who are you to talk about kittypets? The last time we fought with them you were hidden under a bush!”

Brambleclaw kept his temper held, but the shaking of his paws and the prickling of his tail conveyed his fury. Through grit teeth came a frustrated groan. “I’m just trying to look out for you! I don’t want to risk any cat getting hurt!” He rose on his shackles, making himself look larger than before. It was not so intimidating anymore.

“Oh, well thank you so much.” Squirrelpaw said, her voice laced with dry sarcasm, “But I can take care of myself!” She was all the more determined to go now she knew Brambleclaw didn’t want her to.

Tawnypelt took a tentative step towards the apprentice, “Of course you can, that wasn’t what he meant.” The Shadowclan cat gave her brother a deadly glance to silence him. “But, maybe you guys should stay here while we check it out.”

Squirrelpaw looked up at the molly incredulously, “What?” Tawnypelt was meant to be on her side.

“It won’t be for long. You two have arguably been the bravest out of all of us, so far.” Tawnypelt mewed, pressing her muzzle against Squirrelpaw’s pelt softly. “Let the rest of us have the action, if it happens, eh?” A prideful grin rose on Squirrelpaw’s face as the two mollies shared a small laugh, before Tawnypelt indicated Squirrelpaw to look to her side. “Besides, I think Feathertail might like to see a little more of this garden.” She whispered.

Squirrelpaw followed her gaze and stifled a laugh when she saw Feathertail absently examining a wide range of flowers that Squirrelpaw didn’t recognise. She looked like Leafpaw whenever she discovered a new herb in her training, bursting with wonder and excitement.

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to stay a little longer. Squirrelpaw thought. Her paws were still aching after all, it could do her some good to relax for a little while. Besides, it would be nice to spend a little more time with her friends. As long as she thought about it as her choice, rather than Brambleclaw’s, it didn’t actually sound so bad.

Squirrelpaw let out a small whistle as she turned back to the others, puffing out her chest to look authoritative. “Alright then.” She remarked, “I’ll stay here with Feathertail.” She looked over at Crowpaw who had rose a bewildered brow.

She felt a small nervous prickle on her neck. “Do you want to stay as well?” She asked hopefully.

Crowpaw looked like he was about to interject, then he looked over at Feathertail, who was still admiring the flowers, and his expression softened. An empty discomfort came back into Squirrelpaw’s stomach.

Crowpaw sighed, giving Brambleclaw one last disrespectful scowl. “Sure.”

Tawnypelt rose up, satisfied. “Okay then, that’s settled. You three will stay here while the rest of us go with Purdy.”

“What? I don’t want to leave Feathertail behind!” Stormfur cried, glancing protectively at his sister who looked back at him with a touched expression. Squirrelpaw blinked, had the Warrior really been listening the whole time she was looking at the garden?

“Oh, don’t worry about me.” Feathertail said.

“But what if kittypets come into this garden?”

Feathertail stifled a chuckle, “We’ll be fine, I’m a Warrior and we’ve already seen how brave these two are.” Squirrelpaw and Crowpaw flushed at the cats’ comment. “You go on ahead, Purdy said it isn’t far.”

Stormfur shuffled uncomfortably, but he soon nodded and retreated with the others. Him and Tawnypelt both waved the cats off with their tails, but Brambleclaw didn’t offer anything but a disdainful sniff as he led the way behind Purdy.

“Won’t be long!” Stormfur called back at them. They trailed up the slant of the wall until they disappeared behind the back of the Twoleg den.

“What is his problem?” Crowpaw grumbled, turning away to pad over to where Feathertail sat.

Squirrelpaw followed him. “Thinks he’s a leader I suppose.”

Crowpaw scoffed, “Really, well most leaders don’t think out the place where the worms gather.”

The Thunderclan apprentice burst out laughing. “Since when were you up for a joke?”

The Windclan cat craned his head, but he looked pleased that the cat liked his quip. “I am when I’m not in the company of mouse-brains.”

Squirrelpaw snorted. She hadn’t realised how much fun Crowpaw could be when he wasn’t such a grump. Did he even realise it? She hoped he did, he really could be a good time to be around, as long as he didn’t know he was doing it. She just wished that he’d shown this side before, then they wouldn’t have wasted so much time fighting.

Oh well, better to live in the present.

They found Feathertail near a patch of tall white flowers with stalks as twice as large as any Warrior. The cat was shaking her head as she looked over the long plant which was embedded with small, chalky white petals that smelt remarkably like honey.

“I wish Riverclan had these kinds of flowers! They’d be amazing in any den!” Feathertail exclaimed.

Squirrelpaw had to sit back on her tail to look up to the top. “Take it back with you.” She said, only meaning it as half-a-joke.

“I wish I could. This place almost makes up for everything else.” The Warrior said, moving along to inspect an abnormally large bunch of sunflowers. “How were Twolegs able to do this?”

Crowpaw shrugged, “Who knows? Maybe they hoard it.”

“Maybe they have their own Starclan?” Feathertail pondered. Squirrelpaw laughed at the idea.

“All I know is that this place is beautiful!” Squirrelpaw stated, before pausing to sniff at a strange smooth rock in the shape of a hairy Twoleg with a tall red thing on its head. “Except that. That’s creepy.” She shuddered. The Twolegs could keep that ugly thing.

“You said it.” Crowpaw agreed, backing away from the thing slowly. He glanced over at Feathertail, “Guess we know what you’ll enjoy telling Riverclan about the most when we get back.”

Feathertail paused, a strange, sad expression flashing on her face. “Oh… yeah. I suppose so.” Her tail went flat against the ground, the fur hanging low in the grass.

Squirrelpaw’s heart thumped with worry. “What’s the matter?”

Feathertail started up, her face returning to its usual brightness. “Nothing. Sorry about that.”

The two apprentices looked at each other then back at their friend. “Are you sure?” Crowpaw asked, her voice dropping with softness.

Feathertail faltered a little but she kept a smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just…” She looked distantly at a red flower with petals closing in on the others. “Won’t you two miss this a little?”

“Huh?” Squirrelpaw craned her head, puzzled.

“I mean, this journey hasn’t been as bad as we thought.” Feathertail mused, “None of us have ended up that hurt.”

“If you don’t include fights with kittypets and being chased by a dog.” Crowpaw said bluntly, making Squirrelpaw nudge him roughly.

Feathertail chuckled humourlessly, “Yeah… But I don’t know.” She looked back at the two with a sad smile. “At least I’ve made some good friends.”

The meaning dropped over Squirrelpaw like a boulder.

Feathertail gave a small laugh. “I’ve had fun on this journey, despite everything. It’ll be strange when it’s all over.”

Squirrelpaw blinked. She’d never thought of that. The ending of their journey and what it meant. She missed home and Leafpaw with all her heart, but the journey had given her the most excitement and thrills she had ever felt in her life. Plus, she had made some amazing friends.

She stiffened. Oh, right. When the journey was over, they would all have to return to their own clans.

Probably never able to gather like this again.

Back at Thunderclan, where no cat thought of her the way her two best friends did.

The three cats seemed to share the same thought, a melancholy silence temporarily enveloping them. Then Feathertail coughed.

“Oh well, it’s not like we won’t be able to see each other at the gatherings.” She said quickly, “Besides, I bet you two are itching to get your Warrior names?”

The two apprentices visibly lightened up at that. “Oh yeah!” Squirrelpaw exclaimed, that was something that she had dremt of for moons! “Just think what’ll they’ll call us when we return.” Her nose rose proudly into the air. “Heroes of the forest!”

“How about “SquirrelPurr-at-a-Twoleg?” She could hear the grin in Crowpaw’s voice.

The ginger furred cat shrank into herself, her chest coiling with embarrassment at the memory of that morning. “I-I told you not to talk about that, CrowFood!” She stammered, trying her best to glare at the chuckling cat. It was so hard to not laugh along when he did it.

“Squirrelpaw, don’t be embarrassed! It was a great idea!” Feathertail exclaimed through her soft laughter. “You saved me, remember!”

Squirrelpaw had, but it did little to quell the heat rising in her cheeks. “Look, just don’t mention it again, please? Just forget it!”

“Aww why?” Crowpaw mocked playfully, “Don’t want Thunderclan thinking you’re a cute little Twoleg lover?”

Squirrelpaw inhaled tightly, she could feel the blood rushing to her head. “D-Don’t c-call me cute!” She demanded, feeling humiliated by the lack of anger in her voice. She was flustered beyond control. Her heart thumped so loudly that she wasn’t sure if the others couldn’t hear it.

“Your secret’s safe with us.” Feathertail mewed, she bumped Crowpaw’s shoulder with her paw. “Right, Crowpaw?”

The apprentice snickered, “Sure, sure. Maybe it’ll make for good blackmail-Ow!”

To be fair, he should have seen her paw coming.

Crowpaw glowered, rubbing his sore ear while Squirrelpaw walked ahead, her nose proudly in the air, despite the rushing blood in her cheeks. It was odd how quickly she could become ruffled these days. This was not like her at all.

Suddenly, Feathertail let out a tight gasp, her eyes locked on something in the distance. “Oh! That would be great!” She piped, bursting with energy.

“What would?” Crowpaw questioned, trying to find where Feathertail was looking. But the Warrior ran off without an answer, jumping into a bed of flowers, scrambling through them excitedly. Squirrelpaw and Crowpaw shared a clueless look.

Just a moment later, Feathertail had returned with something small and blue flashing in her mouth. Before anyone could say anything, she jumped in front of Crowpaw, extremely close to his face.

Squirrelpaw felt her breath catch as Crowpaw began to splutter, the darkenss draining from his fur a little. “F-Feathertail? W-What are you-”

“Shh!” She ordered, as she placed something over Crowpaw’s ear and began to fiddle with it using her paws. Squirrelpaw only stared on at the scene. At Crowpaw’s flustered expression. At how Crowpaw didn’t offer no resistance to Feathertail.

Her stomach sank lower.

When the Warrior finally let the apprentice go, there was a light blue flower tucked in the fur of Crowpaw’s ear. The petals came together in a delicate dome, the yellow pollen tucked away inside the sky-blue petals, the flower struck out all the more against Crowpaw’s dark fur.

In fact, Crowpaw actually stuck out more with the flower. In a good way, Squirrelpaw thought.

Crowpaw tried to hide the flower behind his paw, his face burning with embarrassment. “Get it off!”

“No!” Feathertail smacked his paw down, frowning rigidly.

Crowpaw moaned, “I look ridiculous!”

“No, you don’t!”

“It actually doesn’t look bad on you.” Squirrelpaw said, coming closer, and putting on a cheeky smile. “It’s small and delicate, just like you.”

Crowpaw glared at her, then turned so the flower wasn’t facing the mollies. “What’s it even for, anyway?”

Feathertail fumbled meekly with her paws, “I just thought it would be… nice to have something to help remember the journey.” She said, her gaze sinking to the floor. “I’ve never seen those flowers around the Clans before, so…”

Crowpaw’s glare faltered, his eyes going back up to the flower tentatively. Squirrelpaw felt a tender pang in her gut for the molly, she really just wanted to show how much she viewed the Tom as a friend. Something to remember their journey. Maybe, something to remember…her.

Squirrelpaw suddenly felt angry. She took it out on Crowpaw.

“Come on, mouse-brain!” She snapped, whipping the tom with her tail. “Don’t be so ungrateful!”

Crowpaw glowered at the ginger molly, his eyes returning to the flower again. An embarrassed panic came over him again and it looked like he was going to rip the flower off. Then his paw froze in place, his face stiff, and he sighed, his paw returning to the ground: defeated.

“It…” He sounded vulnerable. “I don’t look stupid, do I?” He asked, abashed.

“You sound stupid is what it is!” Squirrelpaw yowled, ignoring how cute he sounded when he was clearly flustered beyond belief. “It looks fine!”

Crowpaw scowled at the Thunderclan cat’s tone, but he didn’t argue. He looked to Feathertail, who was waiting with a patient, hopeful look, and his coldness crumbled with a shy beam. “Sorry, Feathertail. T-Thanks for this, I appreciate it.”

Feathertail brightened with delight, her eyes closing as she let out an ecstatic chirp. “O-Of course, not a problem!”

Squirrelpaw’s anger directed onto herself as she felt her claws tighten on the grass. “That’s better!” She meowed, batting Crowpaw on the leg again, making him look down at her angrily. “By Starclan, I don’t know why you make these things such a big deal.” She wasn’t really sure who she was directing that towards.

“Oh, so I’m overreacting, am I?” Crowpaw snarled with a twisted smile.

Squirrelpaw looked away, unimpressed and undeterred. “Obviously, yes!”

Crowpaw made a small, pondering sound which made Squirrelpaw shudder a little. “Hmm? Okay then. Don’t move.” He said, stalking away to the flowerbed on the other side.

Squirrelpaw watched him curiously as he began traversing the flowers, sniffing and clawing his way through, his face hard with thought.

Feathertail’s sweet laugh came into her ear and she turned to her. “He’s really something, isn’t he?”

Squirrelpaw felt it would be true to agree, but she was tempted away by a small nagging at the back of her mind. “Hmph, he’s something, alright?”

“Oh?” Feathertail sounded disappointed, “I thought you were getting along with him?”

Feathertail’s discouraged tone made any anger Squirrelpaw had subside. She groaned, her anger morphing into a curious guilt. “I am. He can just be a vole-brain sometimes.”

“I wouldn’t say that; I think he’s just honest.”

“Honest?”

“He doesn’t hide anything from anyone. I like cats that don’t act fake just to please others.”

Squirrelpaw’s looked at her dubiously, “So you liked it when he clearly hated us all?”

Feathertail chortled, “Hey, I didn’t say that they couldn’t change overtime.”

It felt weird talking about him with Feathertail – no, not weird. Uncomfortable. Empty. Squirrelpaw cringed, feeling the need to change the subject. “So, you’ll miss this journey, right?”

Feathertail looked down, lingering on something that she looked too shy to say. “Won’t you?”

Squirrelpaw wasn’t even sure why she even thought she’d say no.

At home, she was scoffed at, yelled at, a nuisance, a troublemaker, a disgrace.

On this journey, she’d fought kittypets, done more hunting than Dustpelt had ever let her do before, had been able to stand up to that mouse-brained clanmate of hers, and made friends with cats she’d never have considered once upon a time.

“I suppose?” Why did she make it out to sound like a question?

“I will.” Feathertail said breezily, “I miss home but, there’s just been so much to see out here. Things I will never do again in my life. It’s odd, but I kind of wish there’ll be more.”

“There will be more, we haven’t even found Midnight yet.”

Feathertail’s pelt twitched a little, her vision resting on the grass again. “I know. But it won’t be long now.”

Squirrelpaw realised that. Everything had gone by so fast around here. For a second, she felt scared to close her eyes in case she would blink and be back at Thunderclan. It would feel like that soon enough, she knew it.

But she could not change that.

“Well, at least we’ve had fun.” Squirrelpaw said, pressing her tail against the Warrior. “And it’s not like we won’t be able to say hello to each other once this is all over. You’ve still got Stormfur, after all.”

Feathertail craned her head back, making a noise of understanding. “Yeah, I do.” Her voice sounded strangely hollow, but it didn’t seem to register when she looked back down at Squirrelpaw with a simper. “You really will make a good Warrior, you know.”

Squirrelpaw wondered if she did know that, or if was just what she wanted to hear.

Probably both.

“Thanks. I had a good teacher.” She hoped Feathertail would realise she didn’t mean any Thunderclan cat.

The grass rustled again, and the quick scampering of paw’s came back to Squirrelpaw. She turned and found her nose inches from Crowpaw’s devilish smile.

“Hold still.” He’d said it before she began to blush. She could just catch a glimpse of white.

Even before she could protest, she could feel him softly messing with her fur, her nose almost buried into his chest fur as he placed something onto the ear. It was like everything around her was Crowpaw; his scent was all around her, misty and calming. The soft fur of his chest tickled her nose as he fumbled with her ear. She couldn’t even remember being this close to a cat before outside of her family.

Squirrelpaw took in deep, almost panicked breaths. Her cheeks felt like they would burn away and she worried that Crowpaw would feel how fast her heart was beating. She didn’t want him to pull away-

What was she even thinking?!

His paw brushed against the side of her head and she was surprised at how soft he was, half expecting Windclan fur to be coarse and rough. Then again, they would probably need to be sleek in the moors.

And he was sleek, no doubt about that. But toned as well despite his short structure. He was thin, but refined, the muscles bulging in his legs. That explained how he could go so fast at least.

Squirrelpaw realised all this in the five seconds that Crowpaw was near her.

“There we go!” He said, his fur brushing against Squirrelpaw as he spoke. Then he drew back, admiring whatever it was he’d put on her with smug smile. Starclan above, she hoped he couldn’t tell how much she was internally breaking right now.

“Ohhh!” Feathertail mewed, her tail curling with joy. “That’s adorable! What is it?”

“I’m not sure. I just thought it fit.”

It fit? What was that supposed to mean? What did it look like? Squirrelpaw looked up to where the flower rested and she could make out a series of large white petals, but mostly she was taken in by the intoxicatingly sweet scent it gave out.

Squirrelpaw felt the embarrassment all the way down to her paws and she instinctively pressed her face into her pelt. She couldn’t help it; something was just making her panic.

“Oh, I thought I was overreacting for being embarrassed.” Crowpaw teased, making the heat in Squirrelpaw’s cheeks burn a little more. What could she say? The apprentice was giving her a taste of her own medicine, and she was reacting worse than he did!

“Hey, hey. Don’t worry about it.” Crowpaw said. Squirrelpaw could hear the smile in his voice, but it wasn’t mocking, it was friendly. Trustfully, Squirrelpaw let her eyes meet his. The cat had his head craned to the side with a satisfied, but kind smile.

The flower over his ear appeared to make his smile gleam a little more. Maybe it was just the sun in Squirrelpaw’s eyes.

“Honestly, Squirrelpaw, you look beautiful!” Feathertail assured, walking beside the cat and giving her an affectionate lick on the cheek.

Beautiful. That was something she’d never been called before, not that she had wanted to. She’d never really cared about looking great in Thunderclan, unless it meant kicking the others flanks in training.

But, strangely, it actually felt quite nice.

She looked back at Crowpaw, not wondering why she wanted to hear the same from him. And her heart soared when he nodded along. “Hey, I wouldn’t have picked it if it didn’t suit you.”

Squirrelpaw’s heart began to beat even faster, not stopping even as Crowpaw dressed Feathertail in the flower he’d picked for her. A pale purple flower with small golden stalks in its centre. Feathertail didn’t even flinch as he did it, just gracing him with a thankful gaze. It was all the more obvious to Squirrelpaw how absolutely gorgeous Feathertail was, in every conceivable way.

She wondered how much Crowpaw noticed it?

There was a small hope in her heart.

“Thank you so much, Crowpaw!” Feathertail purred, nuzzling his side. Crowpaw flushed but said nothing. Squirrelpaw felt that green sickness inside her once more. She had to push it down, Feathertail didn’t deserve it. The Warrior looked between the two, her paw stroking the flower tenderly. “Now we all have something to remember this journey by.”

Squirrelpaw looked over to Crowpaw, he shrugged with a small smile. The ginger cat smiled back, the flower on her ear growing deeper into her fur with a greater desire.

When this was all over, it would be there to help her remember these times. Remember her friends.

Remember…whatever this was.

“Hey guys!”

The three turned and found Stormfur, he noticed what the three wore and he rose a brow. “Uh… Purdy was right about the view. W-We’ve got a great idea of where we’re going now.” He didn’t say anything else, either too weirded out or too concerned about upsetting one of the cats.

Most likely he subconsciously realised it was Feathertail’s idea and that she would claw him if he said anything negative about it.

The three looked between themselves, blushing, then deciding to laugh off the cat’s reaction.

Miraculously, and to Crowpaw’s abject horror, it turned out Purdy was right. The path along the wall was short, only needing to walk a few paces and one turn before they’d reached a high wall that reached above the height of a Twoleg den. The other three sat there, waiting for the other’s to arrive.

There it was. The forest stretched for what seemed like the length of the world not far from where they sat, if they continued for the rest of the day, they would have easily been able to rest the night in the forest. Even better, the Twolegplace only continued for a short distance from where they were.

Purdy chuckled as Crowpaw approached, “Not bad for an ol’ tabby, eh?”

The grey apprentice narrowed his eyes, his old temper returning. “Yes. You did what we should have done a day ago, thanks a lot!” He sneered. Purdy laughed him off with a shake of his tail. Crowpaw turned to Tawnypelt who looked just as sullen. “He’s not stopped bragging, has he?”

“No.” Tawnypelt fumed, her ears flat against her head.

“What… are those?” Brambleclaw sniffed.

Squirrelpaw didn’t even look at him, she could hear his desire to mock. She wasn’t going to fall into his trap. “It’s called a flower. It’s a type of plant.” She said dryly, still admiring the view of the forest.

“I gathered that.” Brambleclaw hissed, “Why’re you wearing them though? You look ridiculous.”

Squirrelpaw’s claws unsheathed, but she breathed in deeply. No matter what, he wasn’t worth it. The ending of the journey was just over the horizon, and she wasn’t going to taint the remainder of it because of a flea-pelted tom.

Besides, Crowpaw had it covered. “We wanted to match you, out of pity, of course.”

Squirrelpaw’s heart leapt up again, and this time she couldn’t stop smiling no matter how hard she tried.

Brambleclaw was too proud to lose his temper in front of Purdy. But it didn’t matter what he said as far as Squirrelpaw was concerned. All that mattered was what her friends thought. Because it was what mattered to them.

The flowers were going to be there when they went their separate ways.

But for now, they would make the most out of the time they had together.

...

#squirrelflight #squirrelpaw #crowsquirrel #squirrelcrow #crowfeather #crowpaw #crackship #ship #brambleclaw #Feathertail #tawnypelt #Stormfur #New Prophecy #Warriors #Warrior Cats #warriors au #fanfiction #fanfic

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jasontoddiefor · 4 years

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Chapter 11 of that one story in which Robin #3 is magic, literally.

Read on AO3

Robin woke up again when somebody knocked gently against his door. Sleepily, he crawled out of his bed and walked over to the door. He had fallen asleep in yesterday’s clothes and given the bright sunlight already shining through the curtains, Robin must have slept through the night.

Tentatively he opened the door just a crack. He expected Alfred, not Nightwing to be standing there, looking quite nervously. He was dressed in civilian clothes and it painted a quite different picture than that of the serene vigilante of before. He seemed tired, vulnerable.

“Can I come in?”

Robin opened the door wordlessly and stepped aside to make space for him.

Nightwing entered the room and looked around. The room was a little more lived-in than it had been when Robin first saw it, but it still wasn’t anything special. Still, somehow he was embarrassed by it. Robin had been made to be striking and the room wasn’t special compared to all the others in the manor.

“It’s nice,” Nightwing said, walking up and down.

He was uncomfortable in Robin’s presence and stalling time on top of it. With a sigh, Robin sat down at his desk chair.

“Do you want anything in particular, Nightwing?”

Nightwing frowned at him, confusion sprinkled all over his face like his freckles.

“Night- you can call me Dick, if you want to.” Dick stopped talking, halted, and realization took hold of him. “You do know who I am, right?”

“Richard ‘Dick’ John Grayson,” Robin replied easily, the knowledge of the previous Robin’s identity as clear as if he’d downloaded it from the batcomputer. “Twenty-one-years old, Blüdhaven vigilante operating as Nightwing . You’re also a founding member of the Teen Titans, a group of mostly teenagers to young adults, most of whom were former sidekicks of-“

“Woah, woah, kid, slow down.” Dick held up his hands in a placating manner, now grinning sheepishly. “I see you know your stuff. But yes, you can call me Dick if you want to.”

Robin rolled his eyes. “Well, I have to ‘know my stuff’ as Robin. Not that I’m doing much of that right now.”

Dick winced and, deflating like an old balloon, sat down on Robin‘s unmade bed.

“It’s not an easy time for Bruce- all of us really. Jason’s death… Nobody but that fucking clown is to blame, but Bruce still feels responsible.”

Dick’s eyes hardened and his voice edged on the corner of terrifyingly dangerous just after mentioning the Joker.

“But I’m not Jason!” Robin argued. “I’m not much of anyone but Robin, and Batman doesn’t even let me be that!”

Robin crossed his arms over his chest, already in a fool mood. The day had hardly started and he was already angry. Great. Dick observed him silently and Robin didn’t want to know what kind of impression he was making on the other vigilante.

“I might not be able to change Batman’s opinion on that, not given the terms we are on now, but I could use another set of eyes.”

Dick seemed to be hesitant saying those words, but Robin almost immediately began vibrating with energy.

“You want my help?” Robin asked, almost toppling his chair when he hurried to stand up.

Dick nodded seriously. “Yes, that’s why I came to the Cave originally. I’m tracking a ring of arms dealers and Batman has the better tech, but I think I’ll work just as fast with you helping out. So do you want to-“

“Yes!” Robin shouted. “Yes, yes, yes, please. I’ve been trying to solve old cold cases from the police, but without leaving the manor my investigations have been going super slowly and please let me help!”

Dick laughed and stood up. “Alright, alright. Down to the kitchen again then? Alfred's made breakfast and my files are downstairs. I suppose I have to get them from the Cave. You can change into something fresh in the meanwhile.”

“Sounds like a plan!”

As soon as Dick had left the room, Robin rushed to his wardrobe and quickly put on new clothes. A pair of sweatpants, gray this time, and a comfortable black and yellow Batman sweatshirt later, Robin was sitting at the kitchen table, munching on his cornflakes while Dick was sorting through his files.

Alfred had tsk’ed once in disapproval, but given that Robin wasn’t supposed to be in the Cave, they had to take their work upstairs.

Working alongside Nightwing was fun. The vigilante was perceptive and Robin admired how efficiently he worked, and how well he knew his city and its criminals. He gave Robin a quick rundown of what organization they were dealing with, how they operated and what had tipped Nightwing off.

Then the two of them started tracing the organization’s work back to Gotham, slowly dismantling them. After a couple hours had passed, they had connected the dealers with their buyers and began strategizing how to take them down.

“You’re pretty good at this,” Nightwing told Robin.

Robin smiled, this time with nothing holding him back. “Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself either, Nightwing.”

Nightwing messes up Robin’s hair delightfully, not even stopping when Robin shrieked.

“I told you, it’s Dick. If you’re gonna stick around a while longer, it’s only right you call me by my name.”

Robin pushed away the sheets of paper they had covered with mindmaps and leaned forward on the table, mustering Dick.

“Are you also going to stick around?”

Dick scratched the back of his head, eyes darting to the family photo sitting on the window sill. It was a small picture in a wooden frame depicting Alfred, Bruce, Dick and Barbara somewhere in the gardens. Right next to it was another picture of Jason, probably only a few months after his adoption, in his school uniform, standing in the foyer together with Bruce. Bruce was beaming and Jason smiling shyly. Robin wouldn’t know what he’d do if Batman ever smiled at him like that, probably start crying.

“I think I’ll show up a little more often,” Dick finally answered. “The Titans- they’re fine. Blüdhaven, of course, still needs me, but she’s not called Gotham’s sister city for nothing. If Gotham gets worse, Blüdhaven does as well. It’s in my best interest to keep an eye on Gotham as well.”

Dick said Gotham , but Robin guessed what he actually meant was Batman .

“I’ll make sure everything works out here in your absence,” Robin promised. “Or, I’ll try my best at least.”

“That’s more than enough, trust me,” Dick smiled.

That was when Alfred entered the kitchen and with barely ten words, told them to pack up so he could prepare lunch. Quickly, Robin and Dick cleaned up and put the various sheets they had stolen from the arts and crafts room in different folders so Dick could take them home comfortably.

Dick put everything in his blue messenger back and set off to deposit it back in his room. Since he said nothing to Robin, Robin decided to follow him. The family wing looked just like it did a month ago, freshly cleaned with nothing out of place.

Dick opened the door to his room and let Robin inside. Now that Robin was seeing Dick’s room for a second time, he could see how well it fit Dick. The CD player in the corner was angled in such a way that you got the best sound and the stacks of CDs next to it were a wild mix of modern pop, the 80s and bands that used to be popular a couple of years ago.

The right wall of the otherwise blue room was covered by a large mural. The skyline of a city with a lot of air balloons swinging gently in the wind above.

“Where is that?” Robin asked.

“Huh?” Dick turned his head to look in the same direction as Robin. “Oh. That? That’s Paris about ten years back? It was the first big vacation Bruce and I took. We went to Europe and tracked through France. Nobody knew who we were, it was quite refreshing. Especially since I hadn’t gotten used to the fame that came with being Bruce Wayne’s ward yet. There was a tournament or so near Paris and the sky was full of the balloons. It was the highlight of the vacation for me. And if not for the drug-dealing ring we accidentally shattered, I think it would have been Bruce’s as well.”

Robin, who had sat down on the bed, did a double-take at hearing about Dick and Bruce's adventure.

“You accidentally took down a drug-dealing ring? How do you even do that?”

Dick laughed and sat down on the ground, leaning against his bookshelves. “Okay, so it’s probably not even that funny, but you know how Bruce has a sixth sense for crime? So we’re walking down that beautiful alley and Bruce just freezes and squints at some shady dudes in one corner…”

Dick latched onto the story, narrating in great detail Robin and Batman’s adventure in Europe. And because he kept making references to other missions and the like, Dick kept going off track and told Robin more and more stories.

The longer he talked, the happier did Dick seem to become, and Robin too was pulled in by his enthusiasm. Some of these stories Robin knew, but the more he learned, the more did he realize that factual knowledge couldn’t compare to Dick’s vibrant description of the time Batman and Robin saved the holidays. The life Dick had lived was so colorful and fantastic - Robin wanted something like that for himself.

He could do without taking a swim in the sewers, but he’d give everything for Batman to look at him with the same fond exasperation Dick talked of.

“And that’s the reason why Bruce and I shared a hotel room,” Dick ended his monologue. “Talking rooms - is there a reason we relocated to the guest wing?”

Robin shrugged. “I think that’s Alfred’s doing. Bruce wasn’t sleeping well here.”

“Or at all?” Dick guessed with a sigh. “It’s no surprise with Jason’s room next door.”

“I found him in there in my first week,” Robin blurted out. “I don’t know what he was doing. He was just sitting on the ground and I had no idea how to act!”

“Don’t blame yourself,” Dick said. “Everybody grieves in a different way.”

Robin knew that Dick was trying to reassure him, but his words weren’t helping. Robin was well aware of how grief worked, it was part of their job and so he knew it, but he still couldn’t do anything to support Batman because he kept locking Robin out.

“But I still want to help him and I can’t because he won’t even let me come near him.”

“I promise I’ll talk to him when he gets him tonight. Maybe I can get Bruce to slow down a little. We’re not as close as we used to be, but maybe I can improve the situation a little.”

“And what should I do in the meantime?”

Dick reached up and pulled a book out of his shelf. Easily, he threw it at Robin. “Live a little.”

Robin caught the book and turned it around so he could read the cover. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone.

The book looked rather old and worn. A quick flip through revealed pages covered in all kinds of ink and markers.

“What’s this?” Robin asked.

“The first Harry Potter book,” Dick answered. “I had to read it for class a couple years back and took a lot of notes in it. Kids your age are supposed to like it-”

“You mean one month going on one decade?” Robin replied snarkily, but Dick didn’t even bother to reply to that.

“-and even beyond that. It’s just a fun book to read. Try to broaden your horizon a little further away from Robin or you’ll go mad.”

Dick fell silent and crossed his arms in front of his chest as he tilted his head slightly. He was observing Robin - no, the mask Robin couldn’t take off.

“And we need to do something about that too. You can’t keep running around in the house with a mask and without a name.”

Robin just rolled his eyes. He supposed this was where he differed from regular humans. Robin was all he was and all he ought to be. He didn’t need to broaden his horizon.

“I have a name! I already told you that! It’s Robin.”

“Yeah, no.” Dick shook his head. “Robin is a title . You need a name.”

Robin didn’t get it. Maybe this was another one of these civilian life things he was supposed to follow now? It seemed that no matter how hard he tried, the others just didn’t understand that Robin was all he would ever be and all he was supposed to be. It was fine, he didn’t mind if he would actually get to do his job.

“I’m fine without, really,” Robin insisted.

From Dick’s sigh, Robin deduced that he didn’t believe him, but it wasn’t like this discussion would go anywhere anytime soon.

“Just try it, alright? You don’t just have vigilantism in your DNA.”

Robin was going to argue that he very much did, going by the components that constructed his DNA and its donors, but decided against it in the last second. If Dick was too stubborn to see it, Robin would just have to accept it and move on. At least he’d have some more entertainment for the next weeks.

“Thanks for the book,” Robin said instead.

Dick smiled. “No problem. You can tell me what you thought of it when you’ve read it. I’m curious to hear your thoughts on it. Bruce would always try to overinterpret the book instead of just enjoying it.”

Robin blinked.

“How do you just enjoy it?”

Dick began to laugh and threw back his head so far, that it knocked against his bookshelf, but even the sudden pain from that didn’t seem to deter him.

“I’m serious!” Robin said, his cheeks flushed red. “Explain!”

But Dick kept on laughing, bright and joyful.

#dc #batfam #batman #dick grayson #tim drake #bruce wayne #robin's requirements #fanfic

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ladybugsfanfics · 5 years

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Strangers On A Train [2] | Tom Hiddleston x reader

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x reader

Style: Originally a drabble (here), but this is part two

WC: 2308

Warning: Pining, so much pining, really this is the most pining I’ve written

Summary: Original drabble is based on this prompt :“we make contact before trying to steal the last seat on the subway/bus/train and I end up in your lap and fuck you, I’m going to stay here because I’ve had a really long day and this seat was mine” - prompt source, part two is for @sabine-leo‘s 1,5K follower celeberation writing challenge (congrats btw <3) and my prompt was the setting “sleepless nights” so here u have one long sleepless night

A/N: Uhh, so this became so much longer than the first part and I’m in love with it and really proud of what I wrote and kind of ready for a part three if you guys want that.. ^_^

If you wanna be added or removed from my taglist, please let me know ^_^

Part One | My Masterlist

Your phone vibrates where it lies next to you on the couch, carelessly thrown when you got home. It’s a text, or more a reply to the smiley you sent that morning to let the stranger on the tube know you got his note.

It bubbles lightly in your stomach and a smile grows on your lips. However, not sure how to reply, you put it back down and let your attention follow to where it had been. The TV plays an episode of The Big Bang Theory. You didn’t really follow it when it first came on, but now, your mind travels to another place entirely.

Last night’s tube ride had, after all, been very different from the usual. But it had been nice, way too nice. The disappointment in not seeing him on the tube ride home today is still at the bottom of your gut. There’s just something about him, something about the way he held onto you, made you feel safe. It’s unlike anything you have ever felt before.

Your phone starts ringing, the vibration affecting the couch and making an annoying sound that scares you enough to jump. You take it up and see the name flash. Stranger From The Tube

Something stirs in your gut as you stare at the screen. The smile you had grows wider, and you shake your head before you slide it and answer. You carefully put the phone to your ear, and say a small ‘hi’.

“Hi,” comes from the other line. A voice as soothing as when you first heard it. “It’s Tom,” he adds.

You chuckle. “I saw that.” You bite down on your lip, trying to keep from saying something stupid. “Why did you call?”

He lets out a sigh, a huff more like it, with a small ‘hehe’ laugh. “I’m not sure, to be honest.” The line goes quiet. You can hear his breathing on the other side, and just that has the hairs on your neck stand. “I guess I couldn’t… I couldn’t wait to talk to you.”

“Yeah,” you say, “we didn’t really get to talk before.”

“Not with you half asleep on my shoulder, no,” he says and chuckles. “Do you maybe want to go out for a drink? Tomorrow night?”

Your words get stuck in your throat. How do you say yes without sounding like you couldn’t wait? Without feeling like you sound desperate (to be honest, you are kind of touch starved)?

“Or does that not work?” His voice sounds smaller, insecure.

“No, no, no,” you hurry, “it works great.” A mental reprimand to not use too long to answer, flies through your head. “I… I was just thinking, uh, that the night is…” You purse your lips. “... still young.”

You pinch your eyes shut. Your heartbeat loud in your ears and your breathing gone because, god you just proposed that, and you don’t know if you can breathe before you hear his answer.

“Oh,” he says, “sound great. Meet at your tube stop in an hour?”

You nod furiously, biting your lips to keep from squealing. Only to realize this is a phone conversation and he can’t see you. You take a deep breath. “Yeah, that sound lovely. See you in an hour?”

“See you in an hour.” The line clicks and the conversation is over.

If he could see you now, the big smile on your face and knew how hot you felt, he would cancel. You’re sure of it, but instead of pondering whether or not he actually likes you, you rush out of the couch, turn off the TV and get to the bathroom.

Before going out, there are some things that need to be done.

Shower. You strip out of your clothes and take a quick shower. Every bit of you is cleaned, and despite knowing time is short, you still take the time to shave. You’re not even contemplating not doing so.

Make-up. Most of the time, make-up isn’t that important. Some mascara goes a long way, and you don’t use much more now either. You use some eyeshadow, a natural matte nude palette that blends in with your skin tone. You pair it with some mascara and eyeliner, making your eyes pop. And as a final touch, you find your favorite red lipstick and apply it. Happy with how you look, you move on to the next step.

Clothes. What the hell are you supposed to wear? The make-up alone is much, but also kind of natural and toned down. How do you pair that with something cute, yet showing you want to get to know this guy? In the end, you pick a black button down dress that ties around the waist, and even though it fits rather loosely, shows off your figure. You’d recently bought it as something casual you could wear to a birthday party, and this is the first time you get to use it. Studying yourself in the long mirror in your bedroom, you have no problem thinking you look cute.

Shoes. The dress being casual, and the knowing that’ll you’ll walk and probably stand, calls for something else than high heels. So, going rather tomboy-ish, you pair it with a pair of flat, black sneakers that match the dress. The soles are white and gives some color to the otherwise black outfit.

Hair. And the best for last, you style your hair. You let it fall naturally, spray it to get some style in it, and when you’re happy with the look, you smile at yourself in the mirror.

Seeing the clock, you have about two minutes before the hour is up. You search around your apartment for a little purse to go with the outfit, trying desperately to find something small yet able to have a phone, keys and wallet. It takes two minutes, but you finally find a black one that you’re happy with. One last look in the mirror, you smile happily and get out.

It’s fortunate it takes about five minutes to walk, because if it took more, you’d be a lot more late than you want to. Five minutes is within reasonable time, especially for a spontaneous ...date?

You get to the tube station and look around. The man you’re meeting stands off to the side of the entrance. Seeing him, you get even happier with what you picked out. He wears a pair of black jeans, tucked in is black shirt that clings to his body and the arms are rolled up to his elbows, and a jacket slung over his arm. You hadn’t even thought of taking with you a jacket. Maybe if you get cold, he’ll let you borrow his.

With light, nervous steps you walk towards him. A nervous purse of your lips as you stop and say hi. He smiles, but doesn’t say anything. Instead, he’s eyes study you from top to toe. It lingers a little on your lips, his tongue just out for a second, before he finds your eyes. Every part of your body feels like it’s on fire.

“Hi,” he breathes. “You look… wonderful.”

Your gut churns and you resist the urge to bite your lips. “Thanks,” you say. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

His smile widens, and he offers his arm. “Shall we walk?”

You nod, and take the arm he offers. The touch of his skin against yours is pleasant, a slight burn that traces its way up to your neck and down your spine. The chill air helps, as you would rather not start to sweat. Yet, at least.

The two of you walk in silence, steering into the tube and getting ready to fine one that gets you to the city centre. In little time, you step off and walk into the city night. You’ve let go of Tom’s arm, but you still walk close. Every once in a while, your hands brush and a shot of electricity courses through you.

“Where would you like to go?” asks Tom. He casts a glance your way.

You tilt your head up to glance at him, and catching his stare, you divert it back down and purse your lips. Why is your heart beating so fast? “Uhh, I don’t… I don’t have any…”

“Any preference?” he asks.

You nod, a blush creeping its way into your cheeks. The heat feels like too much, especially mixed with the constant heat of your skin whenever you accidentally touch.

He smiles and lets out a small laugh. “What about…” He looks around and his eyes land on a place. “...there?” A long finger points at it.

“Sound nice,” you reply.

11.38 PM

“No way, really?”

“Yeah, really. I don’t know why, but he did that.”

“Oh, but you did that other thing, right?”

“Shh, we don’t talk about that.”

“Of course we don’t. You wouldn’t do anything stupid, would you?”

“Fuck off.”

12.52 AM

“A hat? She got upset for a hat?”

“Oh, yeah, I can’t say why, but the hat meant something.”

“The hat meant something. What did it mean? That it was supposed to be on her head?”

Laughter. “No, apparently, it meant to be in the sea.”

02.23 AM

“What? You don’t want to dance?”

“No, that’s not really my thing.”

“What is your thing?”

“Talking. Getting to know someone. Laughing.”

“Those are some great things.”

“Yeah, it’s that and being awkward.”

Laughter.

“You’re not awkward.”

“Oh, sure, because I know how to speak. Yeah.”

“You haven’t been awkward the times I’ve met you.”

“You met me exhausted on a tube where I literally sat on you, and today, where I’ve gotten alcohol.”

“There was no alcohol for four hours ago.”

“No, but there was no conversation either.”

“That’s not a criteria for something to not be awkward.”

“Well, I am, deal with it.”

“Now, what you do have is attitude. Not in a bad way.”

04.12 AM

You fiddle with the keys for a moment before the apartment becomes unlocked. Inside, you take off your shoes and lay down your little purse on your coffee table. Tom follows right behind, taking off his shoes and hanging his jacket on the coat stand.

“You want something to drink?” you ask and take a wine bottle out of the fridge. Before he’s even answered, you set down two glasses on the counter.

Tom comes into the kitchen. He leans against the counter, “that would be lovely.” His gaze travels over you as you pour the glasses, and you shiver at the feeling. As with the whole night, your body responds to how he acts, how he speaks, and you love every minute of it.

“Here,” you say and hand him one of the glasses. He takes it and your fingers graze, sending your heart into overdrive and setting your skin on fire.

You move to the living room, and you sit down on the couch, tucking your feet underneath you―making sure your dress covers you and doesn’t show anything you don’t want shown. Tom sits down close by, his knee touches yours. Neither of you pull away from the touch.

“What were we talking about again?” you ask him.

He chuckles lightly. “About my work, I think.”

You nod. “Yeah. An actor and a pretty famous one, too.” Something flickers in his eyes, but you don’t catch what it is. “How is that?”

“Exciting. Tiring. And every bit as fun as when I started out.” Tom smiles, it grows fond as he talks. Fonder and fonder as he retells stories, and talk about the friends he’s made. You listen intently as he speaks. Eyes flicker between his lips and his blue-green eyes that burn with a passion.

The night continues. You talk about everything, about nothing. Stories from your childhood, stories from now. Those little details. Those small things that mean something.

And suddenly, the night is over.

The clock reads eight AM. Tom chuckles at it and stands up. You follow him to the door, lean against the wall as he puts on his shoes and grabs his jacket.

“I had a great time.” He balances back and forth on his feet and puts his hands in his pockets as you stop leaning, a smile on his face that you return without hesitation.

“Yeah, me too.” You bite your lip and look down on the floor, on your feet. You glance back up at him. “We should do it again sometime.”

He nods. “We should.”

Neither of you say anything. He moves to the door and turns the lock. Tom looks back at you and you smile at him. Your gazes lock. His flicker down to your lips, his tongue takes a quick trip out. You smile, wanting him to take that step.

“Bye,” he says and opens the door.

You move to close it as he walks out. “Bye,” you say. Your heart pounds in your chest, nervousness courses through your veins and hope keeps you from uttering more words (or sounds) than you want.

He lingers in the doorway. You’re closer now, closer than the moment before. Your heartbeat pulses inside your head, your throat feels tight. Just lean in, it’s not that hard. But you don’t move.

Neither does he. Instead you stare at each other, both lick your lips.

“You have my number,” you say, and tiptoe up to kiss his cheek.

He nods. “I do.” And with a smile, he walks away.

You look after him. Your pounding heart not slowing down, and your brain telling you to run after and kiss him. On the lips. But you don’t. You watch as he turns smaller, and you feel the butterflies in your gut. And you know, with a hundred percent certainty, that you’ve met the love of your life.

NEXT PART!

Permanent tags: @devilbat @adefectivedetective

Tom tags: @inlovewith3 @bookgirlunicorn @mindlesschicca @justawriterinprogress

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston fanfic #tom hiddleston imagine #tom hiddleston fanfiction #twh #thomas william hiddleston #fanfic #fanfiction #marvel #loki #sabine-leowritingchallenge #pining #sleepless night #tom hiddlestton pining #fluff

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you-turn-it-into-light · 5 years

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Wakana - magic moment (2020) Album Review

My girl releases another album less than a year after her first. What a hardworking woman! First, let’s do some overall thoughts:

I really love the title of this album, it’s a happy title for a mostly happy sounding album

I also love the cover, maybe even more than the ‘Wakana’ Album

Are those shoes the same ones from the Aki no Sakura EP?

I really love the diversity of sound in this album. One of my complaints of the first album was the lack of variety. I love me some ballads (70% of my playlist of all the music I listen to are sad songs) but it felt a bit stale after a while.

My complaints with Wakana’s singing is always going to be the same thing since her vocal delivery has not really changed technically that much. Her vibrato is actually quite nice as opposed to what some people would say as ‘Goat Wakana’ (great criticism I must say), especially at the end of 442, her lower register is gorgeous but has no support (as expected of a soprano) and her higher notes in her chest voice are quite nasally. Her falsetto however is quite grating on the ears (I’ll elaborate later)

Why is Orange on the album? To fill up space, that’s why (I get it, making an album is hard, but why not just leave it out? There’d still be 10 songs) And Wakana wrote the lyrics, I guess?

I’m really interested to see how some songs will be performed live with some overlapping vocals (in 442) and strings being in many of the songs (without a violinist for the upcoming live)

I listened to the album first when I was in a bit of a bad mood so everything seemed super average. I’m feeling a bit better about most of the songs. Also after reading the self-liner notes for the album and listening to the lyrics, I was able to appreciate some of the songs more.

Okay, now for the individual songs:

breathing

(Lyrics: Wakana | Arrangement/Composition: Yumemi Kujira)

The orchestra sound is so gorgeous. At first it was weird hearing the japanese lyrics though lol. I like how they added different instruments for variety’s sake. The choir in the background was more hit or miss for me. During the first chorus is was really distracting but it was great for the rest of the song. My main problem is not the song itself but Wakana’s delivery of the falsetto; it’s very disconnected and screechy. It’s very hard to listen to and since the same chorus is repeated 4 times? It makes it a bit of a hard song to listen to overall. Wakana needs to develop better placement, breathing techniques and support when hitting notes in her head voice.

揺れる春 (Yureru Haru)

Lyrics: Wakana | Arrangement/Composition: Miki Sakurai

I don’t really like this song? The lyrics are quite nice, but it just feels like a plain upbeat song about being happy and reaching for goals and all that fun generic stuff. But what Wakana said in the self liner notes made me feel a bit better about the song:

“The hook’s 駆け出した (run off) and 君の叫び (your scream) are connected, right?”

“The urge to run off and shout. It’s exhilarating, and the canvas that you have now is white so you can draw freely and go with the urge. And the second verse’s 睫毛に触れたのは昨日の自分の欠片 (What touched my eyelashes was the pieces of yesterday’s me) are about tears. The tears hit my eyelashes and one part stops there. The fragments that came out of itself include those that you pick up yourself (I had a hard time translating that sentence so I used google translate hehe).

where

Lyrics/Composition: AlbatoLuce | Arrangement: Akihito Takashi

I LOVE Wakana’s low register in this song and the verses. I also really like the acoustic guitar, it provides a really contrast to the more dance-centric feeling of the song. The first chorus still lacks the appropriate punch, but the key change for the second half of the song makes up for it. Also those ‘wooah’s’ are really awesome. Wakana’s voice during the 3rd verse (after the key change) is just gorgeous.

442

Lyrics: Wakana, Airi Okamoto | Arrangement/Composition: Koichi Ikekubo

I really wanted to know the meaning of the title, and apparently it’s the hertz sound of a baby crying for the first time!

“The lyrics are co-authored. First we talked about the subject (of the lyrics), we said “When we plan the song, let’s make the theme the reason why you started singing”. So when looking at the lyrics given to me, words came out from inside of me. In particular, the phrase 愛の声が聴こえた (I heard the voice of love) that Okamoto-san produced for us for the hook. [...] I thought that I was born to listen to the “voice of love”. And so, that singing voice is echoing throughout my whole body. It’s strange to cry with the same sound of when we were born. I wonder why? I thought about it, I was born to do something and I thought that your first cry was a singing voice that expressed it.”

I love the melody and instrumentation of this song, especially the chorus. The chorus holds an incredible amount of weight. Apart from her nasality, Wakana’s singing is quite solid throughout this song. I love Wakana’s ‘ai no’ at the last chorus. So much power! I also really like the violin and am disappointed that there won’t be any in the live... Also I love the last line 響き渡る歌声 (resounding singing voice) and the music stops when Wakana sings ‘singing voice’. I don’t have anything objective to say about it, I just adore that part.

ひらりひらり (Hirari Hirari)

Lyrics/Composition: Silence! | Arrangement: Mamoru Kuge

Bland... It might take me a few listens but I don’t know if I’ll like this song. Wakana’s singing during the verses is gorgeous, very clear and the melody of the verses and pre-choruses are lovely, but the chorus is really bland and forgettable. I like what Wakana said about the song though.

“It's a song for people who want to meet but can't meet, whether it’s because you can't meet because you're away or because you don't have the courage.”

I’m in a long-distance relationship, so this song hits home a little bit. The lyrics are actually quite sad. If the whole song was like the verses I’d like it a lot more but the chorus is so uplifting...

アキノサクラ (Aki no Sakura) (Acoustic ver.)

Lyrics: Kei Saito, Yoshitaka Taira | Composition: Kei Saito | Arrangement: Toshio Uchida

I love the combo of bongos and accordion! There isn’t much to say about this song apart from the new instrumentation and the tempo. I really like the former but not really the latter. I don’t think I like it more than the original, but it’s a very nice song. The vocalisations during the bridge is also a pretty touch, especially when Wakana sings along with the music. and that ‘naite’ at the end was so emotional

myself

Lyrics/Composition: AlbatoLuce | Arrangement: Yoshifumi Ise

When I first heard this song, I thought it was BORING. On the second listen, I really liked it. Wakana’s voice is so gorgeous on this song. I love the melody of the line 壊れぬように抱きしめてた (I embraced it so it wouldn’t break). Her vibrato is a bit shaky with the delivery and her low register is not as clear as other tracks (but maybe that’s because of the mixing). Some of the strings sound synth, especially during the bridge but I’m not very sure. The parts with just the one violin instead of the quartet are my favourite bits of the instrumentation; it sounds really lonely. There’s nothing much else to say about it, a very solid song.

君だけのステージ

Lyrics: Wakana | Composition/Arrangement: Satoshi Takebe

I was disappointed. I really like this song and in my review of the live version I mentioned that her high register suits a song like this. But the way Wakana’s singing in the recorded version sounds different to me. The vowels are shaped in a way that sounds like a sadder song. Maybe this me being picky, but it took away from the happier experience. The nasality in her voice is the worst in this song, it literally sounds like she needs to sneeze and drink some water. Also the added noises (synth bells?) during the pre-chorus is very distracting. My review sounds very negative, but I really like this song and the lyrics are gorgeous.

Happy Hello Day

Lyrics: Wakana | Composer: Akihiro Kasuga | Arrangement: Shu Kanematsu

At this point, the strings are really nice, even if they’re getting a bit old. But the piano during the verses is very cool... I really like the strings in the chorus and the melody of it too. The message of the song is quite sweet and easily applicable to anyone in every day life. These lyrics in particular:

手を叩き軽やかに Clap your hands lightly, 口笛吹いて whistling. ありふれた幸せで僕らはできてる We are made of ordinary happiness.

君が空を仰いで涙流し You look up at the sky, shedding tears. 息を詰まらせて動けなくなったら If you get short of breath and can't move, 此処に僕が居る I'm here.

These lyrics (for like the first 2 lines) are about a performer and the audience. Creating the atmosphere of a happy and chill live (clapping lightly, still listening to the music) and everyone being the same, even the performer. The second section reflects the way some people view performers and music to be an escape from their life. But it can also be interpreted as just an everyday person being happy to have met someone they like. I love how it’s so interchangeable and up for interpretation.

magic moment

Lyrics: Wakana | Composer: SIRA | Arrangement: Shu Kanematsu

The strings are gorgeous (why no strings for the live????!!!!) and so are the verses. I particularly love the pre-chorus. The chorus however is quite bland and boring and the changing rhythm is a bit hard to grasp. The lyrics are lovely as well. I mean, I’m biased because Wakana wrote them. But I love these ones:

いつから夢も見ない大人になったの？ Since when did I become an adult that never dreamed? 最後の場所は決めたよ　さあ行こう I've decided on the last place. So, let's go!

The song is actually quite growing on me. I’m sure I’ll keep liking it but the chorus is still weighing it down.

OVERALL:

I really like this album. An unimpressive first impression followed by a very nice second and third one. I’m impressed with the amount of variety in the songs and her singing is mostly solid. I just wish she would improve on different places and I’ll probably keep complaining about them. I think Wakana is liking the independence when it comes to helping the creation of these songs and I’m very happy for me.

#wakana #magic moment #album #review #2020 #kalafina

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grimelords · 5 years

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My March playlist is finished! This one is slightly more diverse than usual, swinging all the way from vibraphone jazz to Bhad Bhabie to black metal so I’ve taken the liberty of actually sequencing it properly for you. So if you’ve got 3 hours you can listen to this straight through and be taken for a hell of a ride. No matter what you like I’m sure you’ll find something in here that you love.

Tahiti - Milt Jackson: For an unknown reason I had a big jazz vibraphone phase this month and when you're talking jazz vibraphone you're talking the Wizard Of The Vibes himself, Milt Jackson. I feel insane even having an opinion on this but it's a shame that some of the best vibraphone performances were made at a time when the actual recording technology wasn't really there, they all have this very thin quality that I think misses a lot of the great character of the instrument.

Detour - Bill Le Sage: Like compare this from 1971 to Wizard Of The Vibes from 1952, the sounds is miles warmer and gives so much more of the full range and detail of the instrument. I also listened to this song five times in a row when I first heard it, the central refrain is just so fuckin good. Like I said, big vibes vibe and who knows why.

Blowin' The Blues Away - Buddy Rich And His Sextet: Superhuman playing aside, it's unbelievable how good these drums sound. The whole first minute just feels like a tour of each specific drum and I absolutely revel in it. I feel like flute and vibes is a relatively rare combo so it's extremely nice to hear Sam Most and Mike Manieri go ham in tandem.

Yama Yama - Yamasuki Singers: A friend sent me this song that he's had stuck in his head for ten years ever since it was in a beer ad from the days when beer ads were incredible strange for complicated legal reasons about not showing people enjoying the product or something https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORfkh0OojxY and this incredible song is apparently from a 1971 French concept album where a couple of guys wrote a bunch of psychedelic songs in Japanese for an unknown reason that later became a massive drum and bass breaks album, and one of the guys was Thomas Bangalter from Daft Punk's dad! Music is crazy.

Alfonso Muskedunder - Todd Terje: I'm starting a petition to get Todd Terje to write the soundtrack for the next Mario Kart. I absolutely love this song and this whole album because it's so joyful and strange and it just sounds like nothing else I've ever heard. He seem to truly operate in a world entirely of his own.

Pala - Roland Tings: I love this song. It's like he wrote it with normal sounds and then went back and replaced every instrument with the party version. This song hands you a coconut and says welcome to the island where bad vibes are punishable by firing squad.

Keygen 13 - Haze Edit - Dubmood: There's a fucking album of keygen music on spotify and it's absolutely great and so good that someone's doing the work to recognize the value of the music this extremely weird scene produced and preserve it. If you don't know, back in the day when you pirated photoshop or whatever, you would download a license key generator which was a program made by extreme nerds who had cracked the license key algorithm to give you a fake one, and for unknown reasons they would make the keygen program play original chiptune music that someone in their nerd crew would compose. Who knows why but god bless them.

My Moon My Man (Boys Noize Remix) - Feist: The very concept of a Boys Noize remix of My Moon My Man is hilarious and it turns out it sounds absolutely amazing as well. Two great tastes that taste great together.

Low Blows - Meg Mac: I had a big Meg Mac phase this month too, listened to her album a lot and it's extremely solid. Great timing too cause her new one comes out in a month or so too. I really am excited to hear her next album because she's so good but I've always got this feeling that she hasn't reached her full potential yet, she's only going to get a million times better in an album or two.

Patience - Tame Impala: I love that the cover of this single is a pic of congas because it feels like that's the central thesis here. Kevin Parker bought some congas and is making disco Tame Impala now and I really couldn't be happier about it.

Unconditional (feat. Kitten) - Touch Sensitive: I love a 90s throwback done with love. There's nothing cynical or ironic about this it's just fun as hell!

Last Hurrah - Bebe Rexha: Get a fucking load of this Bebe Rexha song that interpolates Buy U A Drank by T-Pain for the chorus! It's a testament to how good that song is that she's using the verse melody as the chorus. T-Pain will quite literally never get the respect he deserves. Also this song goes for 2.5 minutes. There's something happening where pop songwriting is getting more and more compact, completely trimming the fat and ornamentation and it's very interesting.

Hi Bich - Bad Bhabie: Also I'm fully six months late on Hi Bich but I'm of the opinion that it's extremely fucking good. A perfect little reaction gif of a song and it only goes for 1m45!

Friends - Flume: I'm doubling down on my thesis about emo rap from last month but this song literally sounds like a Flume remix of a Hawthorne Heights song. The whole melody of it, the overlapping yelled/clean vocals. The lyrics obviously. I don't know it's just very odd how close it is. A sort of emo trojan horse to trick people into thinking The Used are cool again.

How To Build A Relationship (feat. JPEGMAFIA) - Flume: I've been meaning to check out JPEGMAFIA (AKA Buttermilk Jesus AKA DJ Half-Court Violation AKA Lil' World Cup) for a while but this is the song that convinced me. There's just so much to digest in this. Every line is gold and delivered with massive conviction even when he realises it's total nonsense like 'dont call me unless I gave you my number'.

Bells & Circles (feat. Iggy Pop) - Underworld: Underworld alive 2019?? I love this song becuase Iggy Pop has been riding a fine line between punk provocateur and old man yells at cloud for a while now and this song is the perfect mix of both. You can't hijack airplanes and redirect them to cuba anymore and as a result it's over for liberal democracies. Just yelling about air travel for six minutes and it's good.

Guns Blazing (Drums Of Death Pt. 1) - UNKLE: This beat is some of my favourite DJ Shadow work I think. The menacing organ bass throughout, and especially the distorted drum freakout near the end. It's just great all the way through.

Homo Deus IV - Deantoni Parks: Another Deantoni Parks track like I was raving about last month. This whole album is great and flows together as a single piece of work amazingly. I love the purposefully limited sample palette of each track forcing an evolving groove throughout. He absolutely wrings every bit of variation he can get out of every single sound he uses and once you get into the groove of it it's absolutely mind blowing.

Boredom - The Drones: I love that The Drones can write a song about joining ISIS that's also a lot of fun. Spelling out radicalization in a way anyone can understand and sympathise with and then switching it in the second verse to spell out how we got into this situation anyway.

Loinclothing - Hunters And Collectors: I love how much this song sounds like a voodoo celebration in christian hell.

The Fun Machine Took A Shit And Died - Queens Of The Stone Age: There's a good bit on the live dvd they put out after Lullabies To Paralyze where they play this song and they say it was supposed to be on the album but somebody stole the master recordings from the studio, which is an incredible and brazen crime. Then when they put it out on Era Vulgaris as a bonus track Josh Homme said in an interview "The tapes got lost. Actually, they were just at another studio, but we falsely accused everyone in the world of theft" which is extremely funny. This is really one of their best songs and I sort of really with it had been on Lullabies because it fits perfectly between The Blood Is Love and Someone's In The Wolf type of vibes, I love how it just kind of keeps shifting ideas and riffs throughout. An absolute jam overflowing with ideas.

10AM Automatic - The Black Keys: This song is an all time great in my opinion. It's so straightforward and so effective. I wonder if we'll get a blues rock revival ever or if Jack White still being alive and bad is souring everyone on that idea. This song also has one of my favourite guitar sounds in history I think - the outrageously huge sounding solo that comes out of nowhere and swallows up the rest of the mix like a swirling black hole near the end.

Gamma Knife - King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard: I've never gotten much into King Gizzard and because of their one million albums already it's hard to know where to start but I've been listening to Nonagon Infinity a bit and it's great, it's just good old fashioned 70s prog jams front to back.

Gina Works At Hearts - DZ Deathrays: I absolutely love this song and I absolutely love the second guitar sound in the chorus of this song that sounds like it's made out of thin steel.

Black Brick - Deafheaven: When I saw Deafheaven the other month I was right up the front and it was a life changingly great experience AND they played this new song live for the first time before it went up everywhere like three hours later which was very exciting to be given a sclusie like that. After they finished a guy behind me whispered to his friend "Slayer..." which was very funny to me.

Gemini - Elder: I found this band because one of my Spotify Daily Mixes was all stoner metal for a while, which is a good genre to see all lined up because it'll have Weedeater, Bongripper AND Uncle Acid & The Deadbeats right there in a row for you. Anyway this album is extremely good, the very best kind of stoner metal where it's groovy and fun and has big meaty riffs and ripping big solos and it's extremely easy to listen to three times in a row.

The Paradise Gallows - Inter Arma: My big obsession the past little while has been Inter Arma ever since Stereogum posted The Atavist's Meridian from their new album. It is just so fucking good and I can't believe I've never heard of them before. You know when you find out about an amazing band and then you find out they've been around for nearly ten years and you can't believe everyone in your life has been selfishly hiding them from you?

The Atavist's Meridian - Inter Arma: I think a big part of my enjoyment of this band has also been that I discovered them at the same time as I'm listening to an audiobook of the complete Conan The Barbarian omnibus so I'm very much in the brain space for music that sounds like it would be nice to swing an axe to.

Untoward Evocation - Impetuous Ritual: I love how halfway through this kind of just turns into a big swirling mist of dark sounds. It feels so formless and dark that it could just shake apart and dissipate at any moment and you'd look down to realise your skin is gone.

Eagle On A Pole - Conor Oberst: from Genius: 'In an interview with MTV news, Oberst stated “We were on the bus one day and a friend of ours that travels with us and works for the band kind of came out from the back of the bus and said that first line: ‘Saw an eagle on a pole… I think it was an eagle.’ And then this guy Simon Joyner, who is a great songwriter from Omaha and one of my great friends, he was on tour with us and sitting there and he was like, ‘You know, that’s a great name for a song.’ We kind of had a contest where he wrote a song with that first line, and [then] I did, and a couple of our other friends. We kind of all played them for each other. Simon’s is better than mine, but it is a good line to start a song.” Another version–Mystic Valley Band drummer Jason Boesel’s interpretation–is on the next album, Outer South.' The idea that such a good song has such a braindead origin only makes me love it more.

Lake Marie - John Prine: When I saw John Prine the other month he played this song that I had never heard before and I had to look it up after and now I'm completely obsessed with it. It feels like falling asleep during a movie and missing a critical plot point so the rest doesn't make sense when you wake up but is thrilling nonetheless. Also he absolutely screamed "SHADOWS!!!" when he played it which was a fucking cool thing to see a 72 year old man do.

Little White Dove - Jenny Lewis: The drums on this whole album are absolutely huge for some reason and I love it. My favourite recent sound is in the first chorus where there's a funny little pitch correction noise as she sings 'dove'. It's very strange and very very good.

Locked Up - The Ocean Party: I only found out The Ocean Party existed as they announced their farewell show this month which is a real shame but I'm glad I got to hear of them at all because they're very good. A very good song about that feeling we all know and love: driving for a long long time.

Plain & Sane & Simple Melody - Ted Lucas: I found out about this song from Emma Ruth Rundle's Amoeba Records video and she makes a good point about this whole album sounding like something's gone wrong and it got accidentally pitched down slightly in the recording process. It's unclear if that's what happened or that's just how he sounds but it adds a very softly spooky undercurrent to a very nice song.

listen here

#playlists

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nikatyler · 5 years

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Since you’ve mentioned having mixed feelings about Miracle’s storyline as well as Miracle and Adam, I was wondering if you could go into more detail about how you feel about them? Sorry if that’s a weird question I’m just always interested on how feelings change over time. Plus you always have such interesting things to say about your characters.

Sure thing! I hope this rambling won’t be too confusing. I’ve rewritten it like three times already because I just don’t know where to start. There’s so much to talk about, so many personal influences and whatnot, and I don’t know how to go about it without revealing too much personal stuff while also making my point clear...you know what I mean? But this is my final try, I don’t want you to wait any longer...even though I probably should’ve done that because my head isn’t in the right place today. You know how yesterday I said I wasn’t freaking out about uni at all? Yeah, I spoke too soon.

It’s under the cut because I talked too much, but here’s a TL;DR: Basically other ships just inspire me more, Miracle and Adam are bland compared to them. Also, Miracle’s storyline has some moments I’m not proud of.

I guess I don’t like them as much anymore because they don’t really have anything to offer. They’re a cute, happy, perfect couple, but that’s kind of it? I’m not saying good, happy couples are bad irl, it’s just that when I’m reading something and that’s the only thing I can say about a ship, then it’s not a ship I enjoy as much as others. I think Miracle and Adam might be too perfect. Even the best couples get into arguments sometimes, but they never had to face anything like that.

Let’s look at my other ships, the ones I claim are my favourites. I’ll give you a few examples of what they offer other than “we’re cute and happy”. Might contain spoilers but eh, as always, when will I get around posting these stories anyway?

Tyler and Sharon: They both carry these insecurities and secrets they don’t tell anyone about, only each other. Tyler might seem very confident and whatnot and often makes fun of his siblings, but deep inside, he thinks that they’re all so much better than him. He also has this mindset of “if I’m not good at music, then I failed at everything”. I won’t go into detail about Sharon’s secrets because that’s something I would really like to reveal when the time is right but…let’s just say that there’s a lot beneath this “we’re a badass couple oh and we also joke around each other a lot and sometimes it looks like we hate each other but nope, we’re actually madly in love”. I also love how equal they are in their relationship, like screw the traditional roles, we can do whatever the hell we want in our household. And like I mentioned, there’s this whole music thing, their relationship is very impacted by that. Last but not least, I just love the chemistry and dynamics that they have, this playfulness, sarcasm and sass. They’re just fun for me to write about.

Ross and Caleb: Okay, I will admit, they do fall a little bit under the “cute and happy” category now, but what I love about them is their long history and how their relationship developed over the years. There’s been quite a few changes and ups and downs. They started off as very unlikely friends, where actually, at first the friendship was kinda one-sided and Caleb was just like “okay, whatever, I’ll play videogames with you”. Over time, they grew closer, then they grew apart during Ross’s worst years…and so on. I feel like I get into this every other week in an ask, so I won’t repeat it again, I’m sorry :D

Caleb and Rachel: (other Caleb. original Caleb. my Caleb. redhead Caleb.) Again, seemingly just another “cute and happy” ship, but I think it works in their case because of this irony, I guess you could say. Caleb actually doesn’t want much, he just wishes for a happy boring life with a happy little family where nothing extraordinary happens, but he got the exact opposite. At one point his life was totally awful (divorce with Angel, he found out he couldn’t have children, was fired, and I mean, even the alien abduction kinda sucked, let’s be honest), then things changed again (birth of Miracle) and now he’s learning to live with all that because there’s no way he’s getting that boring life he wished for. And then there’s this whole fact that he’s kind of grumpy and sad and always sees the worst, but then he meets Rachel, who is always smiling, and she shows him how to be happier too. They’re not complete opposites though, they both share many interests. And yes, they do fight sometimes. Remember when they found out Rachel was pregnant and Caleb didn’t want to believe it?

Zoey and Isaac: My two nerds I hardly ever talk about but they own my entire heart. The progress of their relationship is one of my favourite things in this Golden Days story that I’m writing. They become close friends in ts3 universe, help each other heal, then the whole parallel universe mess happens, Zoey is thrown into the ts4 universe (I’m trying to really simplify it here because this whole post is getting too long and we’re not even halfway through), finds this universe’s version of Isaac too and so on. He knows the things she’s gone through, he’s always there for her, she’s there for him too because he has his problems too. They’re dealing with a lot.

I could talk about Josie and Lucian too but it’s too early for that and who knows, maybe eventually I’ll find out they’re not actually one of my most favourite ships.

And I know what you might be thinking - “but Miracle and Adam had a story too! They struggled too! ” Yeah, they had and yeah, there were struggles. But after that, they turned/I turned them into your generic happy cute couple. It’s partially because of the mess that gen 5 was, there just wasn’t space for any more interesting development.

I think one reason why I don’t like them as much anymore is Miracle’s storyline as a whole. I don’t connect to it as much as I did when I wrote it. It was really influenced by how I was feeling back then and I just didn’t know any better. Without getting too personal and sad, if I wrote it today, some things would be vastly different.

Yeah, Adam was a nice guy who turned out to be dating a mean girl, that’s kind of a cliche but whatever. Sometimes I enjoy cliches in a way. I would be cool with that, even though it’s dumb and, well, a cliche.

The thing that bothers me the most is the mixed message about insecurities. So yeah, Miracle doesn’t think she’s pretty, she thinks everyone would hate her if they knew she was half-alien (because that’s how it was for her at school before) and has low self-esteem because of that. And yes, there are people who are terrible to her because of that. But her friends and the people who matter (her family, Adam, Billie and Ed) would never give a damn about it, first and foremost they like her for who she is - a nice, kind, humble person. Then everyone finds out she’s half-alien, Adam then comforts her and tells her it doesn’t matter and that he actually loves her and she finally starts believing that okay, maybe it really doesn’t matter, maybe I’m pretty even though I’m not like the others.

At this point, if she had remained that way and just learned to love herself that way, that would’ve been fantastic and a great message. It’s also something I myself have learned in the past months. I don’t want to sound cheesy but yes, I found a way to love myself even though I’m not the definition of beauty standard in the slightest. (I know it’s not quite the same thing, but my relationship with myself was a big influence for Miracle’s storyline, so that’s why I used it as an example here.)

But no, I made it so that she still goes and finally changes into a fully human form. So yeah, people don’t mind her being half-alien, but still, let’s get rid of that aspect, it’ll be easier or something. A non-story reason why I did this is simply because I once found out what she would look like without the alien eyes and liked it a lot and wanted her to look like that in the legacy, which…I guess again contradicts this whole “you’re beautiful no matter what” message. I don’t know. It’s hard for me to talk about these things.

I kinda hate the fact that she only started believing in herself after a guy she loved told her to. Like…okay, I’m not saying it doesn’t happen in real life, but wouldn’t it be so much more satisfying if she realized that on her own? She would get so much stronger. What actually happened in the story didn’t get rid of her insecurities, in my opinion, she just hid them for years (until one day, she understood there are things in life that matter more than what she looks like - see Regan’s story in gen 6).

There was also this damsel in distress aspect of her story at that point where Esme and god-knows-what-his-name-was find out who she is, threaten to beat her up (which is something I’m not proud of writing, that was too much and surely I could’ve done something else about it), suddenly Adam storms in and beats the guy up instead (which, let’s be real, is very much out of his character, but hey this damsel needed a knight to save her I guess - god, this bothers me so much).

Alright, so that happens, they move out of the dorm into their own house with Billie and Ed (that’s another relationship I have issues with, but that’s a story for another day)…and they turn into this exact happy perfect couple that doesn’t really inspire me to write anything about, except for maybe late night nightmare and comforting short stories. There’s not really anything else. Adam lowkey didn’t have a personality, Miracle is just a good girl who now doesn’t have to deal with what used to haunt her, and every interesting thing I could start a story about is gone. There are not even any good opposites about them, nothing in their personalities that would clash and make for interesting conflicts.

Wow, this was long and I’m getting lost in it. I didn’t think it would be so hard to talk about it, but it was hard. In my head, I know exactly how I feel about them, but then putting it down is difficult. Still, thank you for asking, it was interesting for me to go back to them.

#Anonymous #answered #i'm tired #if some things don't make sense it's because i'm tired #also it's totally okay if you like ships that are just happy and cute and that's kind of it #we all have different opinions and that's great #also i'd say it's a lot about a point of view #this story was heavily influenced by my own inner problems #they have since then changed and therefore the way i see the story changed #but maybe you still like it or you still connect to it (if you remember it because it happened 2 years ago)#and that's cool! i don't blame you for liking it #okay fine i'm leaving i'm actually tired and i still have things to do #this will be fun #also hey it's my sister's 15th birthday today! happy birthday!#sorry i will be no fun today i guess

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