#i wish my doctor was more organized so this whole thing can go a lot faster since ive been off t for like almost a year now :(

[hardrockshrimp]

Pondering my Bruce images on this cloudy morning

[nanamiscocksleeve]

Prescription For Pleasure

Warnings: MDNI, sex, masturbation, medical masturbation, use of vibrators, clit play, piv sex, use of latex gloves, oral (fem receiving), some praise, kinda slow burn A/n: I am not normal about this man in any way. Not really proofread. Please do not use my banners without permission.

You’re seated in Zayne’s office, trying not to squirm as he sets up your appointment. Although this was now the third time you were seeing him for this regular inspection, it didn’t alleviate your nerves the slightest. Each month, according to the Hunter’s Association regulations, every hunter needed to be seen by their primary care physician for 3 consecutive days for their health.

And although the association deemed it a necessity, it was an embarrassing requirement according to you. The Hunter’s Association had done a survey and discovered that many of their employees suffered from high levels of stress because they were isolated and lacked much-needed human contact. To combat this, they made it mandatory to get physical contact by a medical professional every month.

But when all the fancy jargon was pushed aside, all the hunters called it the same thing - medical masturbation. It had become wildly popular amongst both men and women hunters, eagerly marking the days on their calendar for when they could come in. When you heard about the rule, you wished the earth would open up and swallow you whole. You had tried talking to Jenna to insist that you were indeed taking care of yourself in that aspect, thanks to your trusted vibrator, but she had shaken her head no. 

“We need documentation. I’m subject to it, and so is everyone else in my order.”  Defeated, you’d walked out of Jenna’s office before remembering another mortifying fact with a jolt. Your primary care physician was Zayne. 

Your childhood friend, your trusted cardiologist, stoic and calm, who remained reserved during your general checkups, was going to be your medical masturbator. You had almost turned yourself into a ball on the floor, tweaked out at the insanity of it all. Although Zayne was your general physician, you had a separate gynecologist, and apart from asking if you’d had your annual PAP smear, Zayne had left that part of your anatomy unquestioned. It didn’t help that you were attracted to him, and sure, if he’d asked you out on a date, you would have been more than happy to let him inspect you all he wanted down there.

But this clinical setting, enforced by your organization was a little too much to bear. Wondering how to tackle this situation, you wander over to Tara who was humming as she made her medical bookings on her phone app. “Isn’t this exciting?” she squeals as she sees you. “God knows the dating pool is thin right now. This is just what I needed!”

Tara’s primary care physician was a woman, and you wondered if that was a pro or a con. On the one hand, dropping your panties for a woman doctor seemed less unnerving than for a man. But if you had a preference for men, would it work against your arousal? You shook your head at your ridiculous musings and focused on talking to Tara. “Are you really that excited about this?”

“You have no idea!” Tara taps her feet as she talks to you. 

“And you’re ok about having a woman stimulate you?” You probe, trying to gauge Tara’s reaction. Tara giggles and lightly pats your shoulder. 

“I don’t know but the idea is kind of hot. I mean, getting it on in a doctor’s office? Besides if I don’t like it, I can change the doctor the next time.”

Her words hit you like a ton of bricks. “You can change your doctor?”

“For this yes, the app gives you an option since it involves showing off a lot of intimate areas. You have to be able to trust your doctor right?”

You logged into the app, finding the little button to request a change in doctors, but for some reason, the page kept refreshing and crashing. With a sigh, you decide to get the worst of it over with and call Zayne, hoping he can make the change for you on his end. His voice is cool and professional when he answers your call.

“Yes?”

“So, you must have heard about…the new regulation?” you had put forth nervously.

“I am aware of it, yes.” 

“Well, for obvious reasons, I would like a different doctor.” 

Zayne smoothly says, “Of course. Patient comfort is always first. Do you have a doctor in mind?”

“Maybe my gynecologist? I tried doing it in the app but it keeps crashing.” There’s a moment of silence and you can hear Zayne’s fingers tapping away at his keyboard before a low hum leaves his end of the line.

“There appears to be a problem.”

“Problem?” you’d parrotted back.

“Yes. Because so many people are booking appointments at the same time, most of the available doctors are already taken. Including your gynecologist.” 

It felt like watching a bird crashing into a window in slow motion, that brief moment of hope that it wouldn’t hit the glass shattering in an instant. “Oh.”

There’s a pause before Zayne delicately says, “I’m sorry but it looks like you will have to make those appointments with me for this month. 3 of them according to the regulation. Hopefully, you can make the change for next month.” His voice sounded slightly apologetic.

“Won’t it be weird given that we know each other personally?” The question had fallen from your lips before you could stop yourself. 

“I promise not to treat you any differently than any of my other patients who are coming in for this inspection. I understand this may be a little unexpected, but I assure you I did a term of gynecology during my internship.”

A tinge of mirth carried over in his voice and you can’t help but make a noise of embarrassment. “Zayne, please!” His laugh was dry but not unkind, and you can’t help but want to hide your face even though he couldn’t see you. 

“Don’t worry too much. But I do advise you to make the appointments soon. My schedule is filling up rapidly.”

With those words, he’d disconnected the call and you were left wondering if an unknown god from another planet had cursed your existence. 

And changing doctors had proven to be more difficult than you’d thought. The entire organization seemed to be having a single thought. They had made appointments in the app almost halfway into the year, essentially blocking you from being able to do anything about your situation. Now on your third month with Zayne, you watch as he checks his notes from your last session, feeling like you want to scamper from the room.

The last two sessions had been incredibly stimulating, your arousal heightened by the fact you were attracted to Zayne. You’d never considered having someone watch as you touched yourself but found that you’d enjoyed it, at least, when it was him. He had remained professional, but you’d avoided him these last two months, save for when you had to get your monthly cardiac profile. He reads his notes from his computer as he prepares for your session. 

“Preferred device for stimulation still a vibrator, with a large, rounded, flexible head?” His eyes remain on his screen and you’re grateful for him giving you this smidgen of privacy. 

“Yes.”

“Preference for the doggystyle position still?” 

Your face burns. “Yes.”

“Still consenting for verbal stimulation?”

You nod your head.

“And still consenting for internal vaginal stimulation?” You make a noise of consent, squeezing your thighs together, your panties uncomfortably chafing against your already swollen pussy. 

“All right, I have everything I need.” He logs off and removes his lab coat, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt, revealing his well-corded arms, and your mouth almost waters at the sight of them. Clearing your throat, you shyly reach into your bag and pull out the vibrator in question, which he takes from you and clamps into a stand, adjusting it over the examination table you’d be on. A bottle of lube awaits on the tray next to the table and you swallow as he finishes the setup. 

“Whenever you’re ready,” he says in that deep voice, and feeling like your fingers are wrapped in thick woolen mittens, you reach behind you to untie the hospital gown you’re wearing, and it falls to the floor with a swoosh, your nipples pebbling under the sudden chill. A small set of sensors were taped to your chest and on the sides of your forehead, essential medical devices to ensure your orgasm was satisfactory. Unperturbed, Zayne gestures to the table and you make your way onto it, letting your feet settle in the stirrups as he settles on a stool between your legs, pulling on latex gloves before gently spreading your folds apart. You stare up at the ceiling as he does his initial checkup.

“Labia look healthy, no signs of trauma or abnormal discharge,” he murmurs, then runs a finger down the edge of the fold that separates your inner and outer lips, causing your core to clench involuntarily. You hold still, knowing very well he saw the action, holding your breath, letting out a little sigh as he lets go. 

“Normal reaction to stimuli, already semi-aroused,” he says, trashing the gloves and making another note on his computer. He glances over at you, leaning back uncertainly on the table. “You may begin.”

You swallow, then carefully turn onto your hands and knees, crawling towards the head of the table, grabbing the bottle of lube and squeezing the viscous liquid onto the head of the vibrator, avoiding eye contact as your breasts sway under the motion, nipples painfully hard from anticipation. You could feel Zayne’s gaze but can’t bring yourself to look up. Even though this was the third time, it hadn’t gotten easier, stripping naked and pleasuring yourself in his office. 

Once the rounded head of the vibrator is slick, you turn, the chill of the lube against your heated membranes causing more blood to flow into your already engorged nub, and run your moist slit across the surface to spread the liquid onto your slickened folds. Your hand fumbles for the little remote control and with a buzz, the vibrator turns on at the lowest setting. You click the button a few more times until it gets to the speed you liked, then fail to hold back a moan as the sensations pleasurably begin to take hold in your clit. 

The first time you had done this, nervousness had made you set the vibrator on the highest possible setting hoping to get a quick orgasm and sprint out of the office. Unfortunately, the sensors relayed this information into Zayne’s medical record that your climax had been unsatisfactory, and you had endured being lectured by him with the medical gown loosely draped on your body, your rear open to the cold office air. 

His tone wasn’t unkind but it hadn’t helped you feel better either. “It helps neither of us if you rush this. The whole purpose of this examination is to ensure you’re relaxing. I know it’s embarrassing but if you fail to have a proper orgasm, I’ll have to make you repeat the process until I get data that says otherwise.”

“The sensors are-”

“The only way to measure anything. Without involving another person anyway.”

His words had left you gobsmacked and your retort had died in your mouth. After that incident, you had learned. Even with the chagrin of having him watch you, you had learned to take your time and let the feelings build, leading to incredibly savory climaxes that made your body squirm from the aftershocks. 

Your hips sway, setting up a rhythm to brush your sensitive slit onto the head, letting it vibrate from cunt to clit, the lube aiding the frictionless sliding and making your core drip. Quiet noises of pleasure leave your throat as help yourself, arching your back and changing the curvature of your ass to maximize the sensations, then when the perfect pattern emerges, you let out a keening sigh, and try to remain still, letting the vibrator work its magic. 

Zayne, who has been quietly observing the computer this entire time, observing the spikes relayed from the sensors, asks, “Have you found your optimal pleasure form?”

“Yes,” you gasp, the timbre of his voice sending an arrow of lust into the deepest parts of your clenching core. You knew what was about to come next. The sound of Zayne’s desk chair moving, followed by the snap of latex gloves as he pulled a fresh pair onto those beautiful hands. He approaches the examination table and takes the bottle of lube you had set aside earlier, a wet squelching noise issuing from it as he squeezes it over his gloved hand, gathering the fluid on his index and middle fingers. He leans over to whisper in your ears; the verbal stimulation has begun.

The humiliating reveal that you had a heavy praise kink had come up during your initial session and despite your insistence that it wasn’t necessary, Zayne, the ever-diligent worker, had made a note in your profile, and he’d been fulfilling it each time. A tickle of hot breath near your ear, before he murmurs, “Are you enjoying yourself?”

The hum of the vibrator in the background coupled with his voice makes your breath catch in your throat. You nod, knowing you didn’t have it in you to form coherent words. 

“That’s a good patient. Good patients listen to their doctors you know. And you’re doing a wonderful job.”

Your hips snap back to push your clit against the rubber pad, letting out a whimper of pleasure, the action pushing your ass up higher, revealing your pathetically drooling cunt, fluttering with the dissatisfaction of being unfilled. 

“Are you ready?” He waits for your consent and you manage a husky, ‘mm hm’.

“Good girl. Take a breath.”

You inhale, trying to relax, then let out an uninhibited moan as Dr. Zayne inserts his middle finger into your needy cunt, the ring of muscles offering no resistance to the probing digit. He gently thrusts a few times, before curling the tip of his finger up into the delicate patch of nerves on your upper wall, the smooth come hither motion awakening a new level of pleasure in your body. Your fingers tighten on the edges of the table, sobbing, trying not to scream at the feelings that threatened to explode from you. He keeps up the gentle assault before asking, “Are you ready for another one?”

“Yes…” your voice comes out shakily, knowing you desired more than just his fingers, but that you would never get to experience it. 

“Perfect. So well behaved, taking exactly what I give you.” Zayne’s sensual voice floods your ear before his index pushes into you, the thickness of both his fingers sending you into overdrive. Your walls clench welcomingly around him, inciting an exciting pull of liquid heat in your abdomen, the muscles tensing in anticipation for the exquisite release you knew was about to occur. 

Feeling your inhibitions abandon you as you are stroked closer to orgasm your self-control slips and his name falls from your lips as he pushes over the edge.

“Zayne…” some partially functioning confine in the back of your brain registers what you had just involuntarily purred, but the spasms rocking your core, those gratifying waves of delight flooding your body made it easier to ignore it as your being is reduced to a pliant mess of pleasure. His fingers ease up as the fluttering in your pussy calms down, your clit pulsating weakly as the final vestiges of pleasure are wrung from your body. 

With a wet noise, his fingers leave your moist hole, the glove coated with your juices and the lubricant. Awareness finally comes crashing around you as you realize what you had uttered in the throes of passion. 

“I…I didn’t…I wasn’t in control…” You try to find a way to explain, to let him know you had very little choice in the matter of sobbing his name as you orgasmed, but everything feels flat, almost on the fine line between explaining and insulting. 

“There’s no need.” Almost as if he’s read your mind, Zayne matter-of-factly redirects the conversation. “It’s not uncommon to blurt out things during climax. Some people swear, and others call out names. It was a very normal reaction considering I was the one in the room with you.”

He throws the gloves in the trash and goes to check the computer, to ensure the sensors had given him the information he needed before starting the second round of the appointment.

“Oh.” You say quietly as he sits at his desk, feeling dejected. Although relieved he wasn’t making a big deal out of it, you can’t help but feel disappointed with his reaction. Shouldn’t a man be flattered when a woman cried out his name when she came? Maybe he really was treating you strictly as a patient. And here you were, pussy exposed and spread after being probed by his dextrous fingers, mooning over him like a high school girl. Perhaps the limit of your relationship with him was in fact, doctor and patient, the childhood friends aspect fading. 

So there was no romance here at all. You had a crush on him, and he was doing his job. Reality sucks. You sniff and suddenly feel cheap, and get out of the doggystyle position and try to find the hospital gown to preserve some of your modesty. Zayne glances over at your sudden movements.

“Are you cold? I can get you a blanket.”

“I’m fine.” You try to sound normal. 

“Your records show that you usually rest about 10 minutes before you are ready for the next round. Do you feel like that will be the case this time too?”

You find the gown and drag it up to your chin, covering your body as you lay back on the table. “Yeah. Actually a little sooner today maybe. I have somewhere to be.”

“You can’t rush these things. Your body will cum when it wants to. A forced orgasm doesn’t promote anything beneficial.”

“Well can we find a way for this to happen quickly and in compliance with the sensors?” You’re trying not to let your frustration show, the pleasantness of your orgasm fading. “I don’t think I have the patience to do two more rounds.”

Zayne listens to you impassively, but those amber eyes flecked with green had an underlying intensity you couldn’t place. “You don’t have the patience to do two more rounds?” He gets up and comes over to you. “You want to just leave then?” He approaches the edge of the table and there’s tension in his jaw. Perplexed, you look at him, his reaction unexpected. 

“No, I’m sorry, I know I can’t leave because of compliance and all that.”

“Compliance,” Zayne mutters under his breath before grasping your chin and forcing you to look at him, a gasp leaving your throat. 

“You’re getting frustrated because you have to do this a few times every month while being supervised? Do you have any idea what I have to do before you come in for these sessions?” His voice is a growl and you clam up, shocked by this aggressive display of expression from him.

“Every month I have to remain professional as you come in, pleasure yourself, and then leave. I have to endure seeing your beautiful body bare in front of me and control all my impulses to touch you, to not overstep my limitations as your doctor. I pleasure myself remembering the noises you make and ensure I’m well spent before coming in to do your appointments. You sit there, acting like it’s hard for you, but do you have any idea what you do to me?”

One of his knees is on the table, and he’s looming over you making you feel like a tiny animal caught in his fury. “It’s torture, to watch you. You’re not like the other patients I see. You never have been. Because with you, I always feel like I’m on the verge of losing control. Do you know how difficult it is to not do things to you that aren’t specified on your medical record? To have my fingers so intimately inside you, feel every little drop of pleasure clenching around my fingers, knowing at the end I can’t have you to myself? To hear you call my name and know that you only see me as your doctor?” 

Your face is a bright shade of red but you can’t look away from his face. His teeth are gritted, and when you dare to glance down, you see the noticeable bulge that has formed between his legs. He follows your glance and clicks his tongue, letting go of your chin. 

“I know I crossed a boundary today. It’s all right. You can go. I’ll reschedule you with another doctor. I know you didn’t want me in the first place.”

Your mind is a blur as you quickly reach out to grab his hand, your heart hammering wildly in your chest. His admission was like a prayer answered, and you weren’t going to meek about this. His breath hitches as he feels you pulling at his hand and gives you a look of uncertainty. Your lips part but the words you want to say refuse to come out. 

“Damn it,” he whispers ferally before his mouth captures yours in a rough kiss. It was wild and demanding, a contrast to the reserved, patient man he usually was. You’re swept up in the feeling of his mouth on yours, the taste of his tongue, and the softness of his lips. When you break apart, his hand cups your cheek, his eyes searching your face.

“This isn’t just because of the session right?” He asks keenly and you realize what he’s asking you. He’d been aching for you before this whole stupid policy came into place. The same way you’d been longing for him. 

“No, it’s not. I had a crush on you back when you became my doctor to check on my heart condition.” A sigh of relief leaves him before he tenderly presses his forehead to yours, and you’re caught up in the sweetness of the moment. 

“I just had to be sure.”

Boldly, you raise your head, delighted when he meets you, pulled back into his kiss, your tongues sliding over each other, your fingers tangling into his hair, scratching the nape of his neck, pulling him closer to you. 

You gasp as he breaks the kiss to drag his tongue down the column of your throat, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses to the heated flesh, your blood humming in your veins as your eyes flutter closed. He pulls away the gown and pulls your perked nipple into his mouth, and you revel in the jolt of pleasure it brings you, each suckle felt in your clit which had already swollen up again in need. His fingers capture your other nipple, softly tweaking and pulling it and drawing little whines of desire from your throat. 

Your hand finds the junction between his legs and cups the heavy bulge, drawing a groan from him, palming him through his slacks, feeling it grow and tent the fabric under your ministrations. A low guttural sound leaves him and he gets off the table, and you almost protest until you see him dragging the small wheeled stool from earlier towards the table. He settles down on it, looping his arms around the tops of your thighs and pulling you closer to the table's edge until your feet find the stirrups again. 

“Stay open for me darling,” he instructs, his eyes glittering and you shiver as you feel his breath against your swollen folds. You squeak as he pushes your folds apart with his nose, inhaling your scent, his eyes growing dark with lust. “You smell delicious. I always wondered. Had to stop myself from sniffing my gloves after you climaxed. Not professional you know.” 

The musky tang of your pussy fills his senses, and his tongue darts out and dips into your slit, finding the swollen bud and licking it with just the right pressure that makes your toes curl and stars pop into your vision. 

Your hand rests on his head, tugging his beautiful dark locks, his name falling from your lips without barriers. Your hips rock against him, moaning, then let a sob as his lips suction around your clit. His fingers, free from the gloves at last, probe your entrance, scissoring inside to prepare you for what was to come before they curl up into that gummy patch that he knew too well. 

The sensations flood you, and the sheer knowledge of knowing you had Zayne touching you this way, unbound by the usual rules was sending you into a frenzy. Incoherent noises leave your mouth, crying out hotly as he teases the orgasm from you, your body shivering from the intensity. 

He wipes his mouth on the back of his hand and takes in your appearance, so soft and satisfied on his table, a dreamy look in your eyes.

“Are you prepared for the after?” he asks, you nod, more than eager to experience him. A sly smile crosses his face before he reaches over into the little chest of drawers by the table and pulls out a condom. 

“Hospitals have free condoms. It would be impractical to not use one when it’s on hand.” He explains seeing your questioning look and stands to undo his pants. You watch curiously as his cock is finally freed, eyes widening as it faces you, so impressive and veiny, standing proudly with a slight curve in its length. His pubes were neatly trimmed at the base, ebony curls visible behind the shaft. As he starts to roll on the condom, you feel your whole body heating up in anticipation. 

He leans down to kiss you before taking your feet and resting them on his shoulders, his cock at the perfect angle to enter you. As he sinks into your welcoming heat, you let out a sigh of longing, feeling the delicious stretch of muscle as he pushes up inside you, gasping as you feel his full length sheathe itself. As he bottoms out, his eyes close in bliss, hardly daring to believe that after all this time, he is finally getting to fulfill this private dream. 

Each stroke has him brushing against your gspot and kissing your cervix as he paces himself, feeling the primal urge to take you roughly and selfishly calling at his self-control. A growl leaves his throat as you whimper, straining towards him as the both of you struggle to keep a grip on reality. He feels the seductive way your walls clench around him, hears the soft noises you make, sees your face contort in pleasure with every roll of his hips. 

“Oh you feel so good,” he pants hotly, glasses askew, almost at the tip of his nose as he thrusts. “Clenching me so needily. Gonna milk me dry.”

Your response is a shuddering whimper, your back arching greedily to feel all of him, creating the perfect curvature to brush your clit against the base of his erection with each push of his hips. He feels the little bud on his heated skin, your combined fluids dripping onto his shaft, slickening the bundle of nerves with each stroke. 

“Be a good girl and cum on my cock the way you do on my fingers.” Zayne’s voice is husky as he tries to hold on, damned if he came before you. “I know you want to. I can feel the way your walls are spasming. They always do this pattern before you orgasm.”

The fact that he had memorized this knowledge of you was too much and you let go, your voice filling the room as you climax. Zayne’s hips stutter as he feels you around his length, pussy fluttering so him. His pace quickens, the sound of slapping skin becoming more and more urgent, his balls hitting your ass each time as he chases his orgasm. 

A shiver passes through his body as it happens and he buries himself in your warmth. You hum in satisfaction as you feel his cock twitch and pulse inside you as he spills his load. He pants, sweat on his forehead as he bends down to kiss you again, carefully lowering your legs which burn from the stretch as they settle on the stirrups. 

Threading your fingers through his hair, you brush your noses together, smiling shyly at him as he smirks, his eyes closing as he catches his breath.

“Can I see you outside of my office sometime?” he asks and you laugh at the invitation. 

“Are you asking me out on a date after having sex just once?” you tease as he grips the base of the condom and slides out, your pussy feeling the loss keenly. 

“I have been wanting to for a while. I was just wondering if I was misreading the signals. But I think I have a solid answer now.” He helps you sit up and cradles your body against his, idly stroking your skin, before gently removing the sensors off your body. 

“Let’s get dressed,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to your forehead after a moment of cozy silence, and the both of you hunt down your clothes. As he fixes his tie, Zayne passes by his computer and lets out an amused huff. 

“Something funny?” you ask as you button your blouse.

“The sensors definitely gave enough information to make anyone’s head spin.” You walk over and snort as you see the window, full of sharp spikes. 

“Well, at least I am guaranteed you had a good time.” Zayne’s eyes sparkle mischievously as he pulls you in for another kiss. 

“I’m not changing my doctor,” you reassure him as you pull away. There’s amusement in his gaze when he replies. 

“Oh, definitely not. I think if the Hunter’s Association ever sees this record, they’ll heavily advise you to remain with the same healthcare professional.” 

support banner by @/ cafekitsune @theimmortalbuns @otomegamesforlife @sweets-kozume @actuallysaiyan

[queenlucythevaliant]

See, I don't think that the Pevensie kids were uncanny and dangerous upon returning to England so much as just like. Cool weirdos.

Lucy talks to animals sometimes. She doesn't expect responses or anything; it has the same energy as a person talking to their dog, except it's the squirrel she spotted on the quad or the racoon in the garbage. But she's super friendly in general so after the initial "what the heck" everyone shrugs it off because like, yeah, of course she does. She also went with me to a scary doctor's appointment having known me for like five minutes and gave me an incredible pep talk. She's cool like that.

Peter joins the fencing club and day one it's like he's never held a foil in his life and day two he loses to a kid half his size but then after like a month he just absolutely annihilates the instructor. But he's super humble about it and afterwards he helps everyone else out without being condescending at all. And while it's a little weird that he's just Suddenly an expert, people are like, "he's a fast learner, that's cool." He's really industrious in class too, just Peter being Peter. He probably practiced a whole bunch after hours.

Edmund gets extremely weird food cravings sometimes, like "wow, I could really go for chicken liver with raisins right about now" or "you guys know what's great? Gooseberry trifles." And his friends say, "I've never heard of that before but it sounds weird." So Edmund learns to cook and starts making all these vaguely antiquated fancy dishes with weird berries and organ meats and things and shares them around during study breaks and everyone's like "Yo! Pevensie brought food. Cool, thanks Pevensie." And he shares it with everyone, even the kids nobody likes, and it kinda brings people together.

Susan, who was always the Mom Friend, seems to have gotten a power-up because now she Everyone's mom and weirdly people actually listen to her? But she only uses those powers for good. Girl in her dorm not eating enough? Susan's here with snacks and look at that now she's eating. Those guys arguing look like they're about to throw down? Susan says "knock it off" and glares and they do. And her friends are like, "how do you do it???" and she says "You just have to act like you expect to be obeyed." It's very cool, though it can be a bit Much sometimes.

And they're all into mythology now? Like ancient Rome and King Arthur and stuff? That's kinda weird, but not off-putting; lots of kids have mythology phases. And Peter named the tree outside his dorm, but everyone kinda laughs and says "yeah okay." Edmund is adamantly anti-bullying now, it's nice. Susan and Lucy wear a lot of lion-themed jewelry and people definitely Notice, but that just means that they start getting more of it for Christmas/birthdays.

And of course whenever two or more of them are together it's like they've got a conspiracy going on. They're always fervently whispering back and forth, giggling an the million inside jokes they've got, giving each other Looks. And onlookers are mostly just like, "Man, it's cool that those Pevensie kids are all so tight; I wish I was that close with my siblings."

[aurae-rori]

DR RATIO ANALYSIS: PART 2, ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

SPOILERS FOR 2.1 CONTENT.

Now, you might be saying - "Aurae, you already did one, why do you need a second?" And my answer is, "LORD, I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT HOW HIS DEFINITION OF 'IDIOT' IS DIFFERENT. AND ALSO HE DOES NOT HATE AVENTURINE NOR DOES HE THINK AVENTURINE IS STUPID." Once again, here is my disclaimer - although I have been researching psychology for a solid six years, I am NOT a professional. (I will be, one day. Just you wait, just youuuu wait-) So understand that everything I say has been analyzed with personal judgement, with my own conclusions, come to with logic and my personal interpretation. This is just what I have concluded, and you are always free to disagree.

This is my legacy. To be an analyzer. So let's go.

Okay, now that my disclaimer is over, let's take off Ratio's plaster head and chuck it into the sea, and see - what does he mean by 'idiot'?

This will be much shorter than my last, so don't worry - I will not be flashbanging you with another 4k words. This is more like a follow up, than anything else, because there's a few things I wish to touch on.

Dr. Ratio doesn't hate idiots in the sense that he hates people that have 'low IQ' or are 'stupid' in terms of being 'slow to understand'. I definitely touched on this in my last analysis, but he hates people who take their education for granted and don't go places with the gifts that they've been given. He hates "idiots" - "narrow minded" people who have the capabilities to do more and perceive more than they choose to do. People who deliberately look away or take what they know and what they could do for granted. He wants to open people's eyes and allow them to see life from multiple different angles and he believes that everyone should have a chance to learn - with the whole "knowledge for everyone" thing he's got rolling.

He wears a plaster head around people he doesn't seem to know too well in order to think more, or so that he doesn't have to see the faces of the people he dislikes. Pretty good roast. However, he does NOT wear that plaster head around Aventurine. Let's listen to the doctor's judgement - Aventurine is far from stupid. Although he likes to chalk up a lot of the things he does to his own luck, he is an INCREDIBLY capable individual who's managed to get this far because of his own form of genius. He's a man who relies on chance and good fortune, yes, but his charm, his way of scheming, and the way that he's good with people? That's skill. A talent he doesn't take for granted. Dr. Ratio respects him for this - because despite the fact that he has no proper education, he has his eyes wide open to the world and doesn't take shit for granted. He learns what he can in order to survive and he does it fucking well - Aventurine is a very smart man. He's observant, quick on his feet, and great at going with the flow and thinking in the moment.

Aventio aside, I actually believe that Dr. Ratio would be a really good teacher to those who struggle. He's patient where it's needed to be, even if he's got a quick temper, and I believe in his pursuit for knowledge he would do his best to go out of his way to find strategies that would work for their individuals. We're all unique, and he's aware of this - and because he wants to allow people to think for themselves, whatever helps the individual works. Depression? He's got a psych degree, I'm sure bro could give you some strategies. Autism? He has a touch of the 'tism himself. ADHD, and not feeling organized? Bro will help you. It's canon that he's a great fucking teacher - those who finish his classes go on to become successful people who are intelligent and critical thinkers. Round of applause for Ratio, the man that kins my father. He's shit at emotions, but great at knowledge.

Also, on that note, I believe that he would most likely hate parents that push thier "gifted" students to the limit without any compassion for the person that they really are. He's most definitely got some of that academic trauma so I believe that bro holds a secret disdain for parents who just use their children to gain more recgonition. Well, not so secret. He'd cuss them out. (Ratio please cuss out the horrible parents.)

Dr. Ratio, the Teacher ever. (Hey, maybe he'd get along with Kunikida...)

Also, I am definitely planning on making a fic where he teaches Aventurine Latin. As long as you're eager to learn and willing to look past the chalk being thrown, he's got a place for you.

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk. I did not read this through, so this is not edited. Take my unedited rambles.

[donnerpartyofone]

The little pink brain surrounded by stars and flowers at the end of my computer search bar tells me that it is World Brain Health Day, which is insane but maybe that's appropriate. This was a great year to get my ADHD diagnosis and prescription considering the Very Complicated Things that are happening (mostly fine, just A LOT). I have also become aware that the dose of medical meth that I'm on is helping to manage my severe chronic depression, which is pretty awesome since I have tried what feels like "everything" and nothing really works without some gruesome side effect. The main side effect in this case turns up because I'm working a (roughly) 4 days on, 3 days off schedule as recommended by my doctor to avoid building up a tolerance, and I have begun to notice that on the 2nd-or-so day off I have a bit of a snap-back effect that plunges me into a pit of infinite darkness. It helps to remember that when unmedicated I am OFTEN plunging into a pit of infinite darkness, so this is essentially normal. The most positive version of being unmedicated is that I'm at least "pretty depressed" most of the time, and probably not getting as much done, just schlorping around in a general malaise. Just the getting things done is good for my self-esteem anyway. Work helps too, oddly; when I am completely consumed by a big urgent project, it is hard to find the time and energy to fantasize about being dead. Of course obsessive work causes other kinds of wear and tear, but their negativity is less immediately obvious.

Today I am doing the Extremely Complicated training process to write for this pop culture website you have probably heard of. When I was picked to do this I thought, "This is probably too much work for not enough money," and now I'm realizing that it is actually WAY too much work for not NEARLY enough money. But it's good for someone like me while I still don't have a real job, so I'm coping with this ordeal of doing the online training, thinking I'm done, doing my first assignment, realizing there was way more of the online training but I just didn't click the right button or something, revising my assignment, submitting it, realizing there's still MORE stuff I should have fixed and racing through the assignment making little changes and clicking Save after every single one of them never knowing when somebody's is going to start evaluating it, and just praying for death the best. Then at the same time I heard back from an event organizer who totally refused to communicate with me for the last two months so I just cancelled on them like two weeks ago, and now they're telling me they're so sorry and can we please do the event, and I have to have an annoying back-and-forth with the tricky third party this is dependent on, and do all this other stuff I'm suddenly too tired to describe. And THEN AT THE SAME TIME AS THAT I got invited to write more writing for the super awesome company that sometimes publishes me, also for not enough money on the hour but they're apologetic about that and the writing matters to me (and so does the company). And this is all great but my stomach has turned into a rock and my back muscles are fossilizing and I'm in breathe-on-purpose mode and I'm regretting how much coffee I drank and I wish I could calm down with a beer or even a joint or something, but the beer will actually increase my meth uptake and the joint will add to my anxiety in this state, and so I just have to grind my teeth through this until the day is done. I wish I could play for you guys the earsplitting power tool sound from right next door that has been echoing through the neighborhood since 8 o'clock this morning, just as like the OST to this whole experience, but you'll just have to imagine it! I also meant to apply for Real Jobs today, but now it seems clear that that's not going to happen until tomorrow. The End...FOR NOW.

[miercoooles]

Can xou please give me the angst version of that scenario plus fluffy end?

AW YOU WANTED A FLUFFY END?? I was gonna go full on angst /j

TW: needles, stitches, wounds, detailed description of care and hospital stuff

So my idea was instead of Y/N coming out of the barrier, they were dug under the rubble unconscious. Maybe hit their head hard or something that drove them into unconsciousness and when Charles and Checo heard that, they didn’t bother finishing the session and immediately left, bringing Arthur and Maman with them (more like dragging them).

The moment they arrived at the hospital room and saw your body connected to different machines and filled with stitches, their hearts broke especially Maman. You were the only girl, the unica hija of their family and seeing you so helpless, it was enough for Maman to cry her heart out. Lorenzo and Arthur immediately attended Mama Leclerc and guided her on the chair beside your bed, while Charles and Checo stood frozen still by the door.

A lot of things were going through their minds, like what if you wouldn’t wake up or what if you won’t be able to race again, or what if you do wake up and forget about them. I would imagine Checo leaning against the doorway to support himself as all the negative thoughts flood in his mind. He couldn’t lose you, you were his entire universe. He felt useless that he wasn’t there when the crash happened. He blamed himself.

Meanwhile Charles, he too blamed himself. You were inseparable being the middle children, and now here you were on the hospital bed unable to do anything as the machine helped you breathe.

Arthur and Lorenzo were both trying to be strong for their Maman, but Arthur broke first. He let out a soft sob as he sat beside Maman. And Lorenzo, Lorenzo couldn’t even let out his emotions. He was there. He saw how hard your crash was, he saw everything but he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t protect his little sister. And that was the most disappointing thing he has ever done.

Days after, some machines were removed as your organs started functioning on their own again, but the doctor had no idea if you would wake up because they said there were brain waves and you were still responding to stimulus. But estimating when, it was hard to tell.

Your crash affected your family immensely. Checo, Charles, Arthur’s performance in racing has dropped that it concerned their team. Checo was almost dropped from Red Bull Racing because he wasn’t scoring any points, while Charles and Arthur were on probation.

Lorenzo was always around Maman and you as they accompanied you in the hospital. Often times if possible the other three boys would come and visit you, telling you about how it is, wishing that it should have been them instead of you.

Then months after, while it was summer break and the whole Leclerc family stayed in Monaco to take a break, while Checo never left your side. Every waking day, he’d do his daily routine of waking up, kissing your forehead, freshening himself up, getting food and eating beside you, tell you fond memories you both created, get ready for rest, kiss your forehead again, whispers “i love you”, holds your hand, sleeps on the chair beside your bed, and repeat.

It honestly worried Max and Christian about how he was letting himself go because of you. They both knew you well enough that you wouldn’t want Checo to turn out like this just because you were in bed. They sometimes offered to watch over you, Christian especially because in his eyes you were like his own daughter (since you were a driver for Red Bull KTM). Checo would often refuse but there are times where he’d give up because he was tired of arguing.

When Christian would watch over you, he’d talk about what is happening to the team, both F1 and MotoGp. He would express his concern about Checo and Max, and sometimes things he would only tell you. Same goes for Max when he watches over you, he’d tell you about how he wished his dad would be proud of him or tell him that he was proud of him.

One day during summer break, Checo was staring into nothingness as his mind flew to different places when he heard a squeak. He blinked his eyes and looked around to see if there were any rodents or anything, but when he saw none, his eyesbrows scrunched as his expression contorted into confusion. When he started zoning out again, there was another squeak and when he looked around and saw nothing again, he was starting to get pissed. That was until you squeezed his hand against yours weakly.

Checo was flabbergasted. You were awake. You were awake and looking at him. He let out tears of joy as you looked at him confused, asking him what’s the matter. Checo sat down and explained everything to you, after the conversation he called your family that you were conscious again.

When your family arrived, the doctor came in and explained how after a few months of physical therapy, you’ll be back to your old life except you won’t ever get back to motor racing. While your family was devastated, you let out a small smile saying it was about time you retired. They all looked at you in disbelief and you assured them you’ll be alright, since now you can be able to watch your husband and siblings’ race.

Lorenzo, Charles, and Arthur let out a sigh of relief as now you won’t be doing anything risking your life while Checo pulled you in a deep kiss, whispering how much he missed doing that.

There ya go! Angst with fluff ending AHAHAHAHAHA I HOPE ITS AS YOU EXPECTED CAM!

[factorialsotherfandoms]

So um I wrote about xcom!Chayanne yesterday and I don't have the energy to do his whole rescue and I'm not in the mood to hurt him as much as something before that would need, but also idk about you but **I** need some follow up from that. Get the baby a hug.

TW: badly injured child, referenced child abuse, hospital setting, talk about a child very nearly dying (in the past)

Philza knew it wasn't good - he'd seen the poor kid pass out, for fuck's sake - but he had not quite realised how bad it was. He hadn't been working with the sort of tech the infirmary has, too focused on keeping the two kids alive to think about the implications of their injuries.

The tablet Doctor Ruiz hands him, though... One kid - the one currently curled up with Roier as they both sleep off their injuries - he knew about. The broken bones about match what he predicted, looking at the poor sod. There's a worrying amount of head trauma, yes, but bar an inability to talk the kid had seemed alert and aware. Bit hard to tell with children, but he'll hopefully be fine.

It's the second he worries about; he had not even realised the kid was injured until he passed out in Missa's arms and, fuck, Philza doesn't think he'll ever be able to forgive himself for that. The scars, the cuts... the last of their splash potions hadn't woken him, but had at least closed up the wounds and bought some colour back to the kid's cheeks.

He'd known it was bad, he had, he swears, but this... The scar pattern, the slightly sticky marks on his chest, the breaks in his ribs... Not just current ones, either, but on the x-rays he can see evidence of them having been broken before. Similar places, too.

There are other scans, too, ones of a sort that Philza does not understand. They show the child's organs, presumably damage to them, but he really wouldn't know.

They still don't scare him as much as the x-rays of his ribs, if only because he only understands the latter; he flicks back to them, and stares in horror.

"Is that...?" he hands the tablet back to her - he isn't a doctor, he could be wrong, he just picks shit up here and there.

Her face is grim as she nods.

"Fucking hell," he breathes the word out; it makes a lot of sense, now, why she had insisted on this boy being on a bed alone, surrounded by wires and monitors instead of letting Missa hold him. "Do we know what happened?"

"I was hoping you could tell me," she says, folding her arms around the tablet and clinging to it. "If I had to guess, shock from one of the scarring injuries. His biology is... Strange, though - human blood is compatible, at least, and his vitals are stable. I have no idea if they are /good/, but they are stable."

"Will he be okay?" he asks.

"I..." it's never a good thing when the doctor fucking hesitates to answer that question. "If he heals like a human and my guess is correct? Yes. If not, it is outside my expertise."

Philza takes a deep breath, calms himself, and nods, "thanks for the update."

She nods, "I'll get started on the reports; I just thought you'd like to know."

"Oh I fucking hate it," he replies. "But it's better than not knowing; you handle the reports, I'll keep an eye on the kid."

She nods, and vanishes.

And, fuck, how is he going to tell Missa? The man's already attached, and it's not an easy thing to tell someone - 'oh, yeah, that kid we rescued? His heart stopped recently enough his ribs have barely started healing from being broken during CPR, and he still had gunk from a fucking heart monitor on him. Also? Not the first time it's happened'.

Philza runs his hands over his face and, fuck, he wishes he had made that bitch /suffer/. For all her talk of honour, she'd done her fucking best to murder a /child/.

It's too late now, already dead under Jaiden's knife, but fuck he wants her to suffer more. The kids are, what, ten? Something like that?

And don't try tell him that it wasn't the Assassin - Philza /knows/ swords, and hers are a perfect match for the scars and wounds littered all over the poor boy's skin.

Given the chance to fight her again, he'd rip her apart with his bare fucking hands. Or, let Cellbit do it at least. He does have more the talent for it these days.

But, there's not much to be done, not now. The Assassin is dead, and the kid is in an actual fucking infirmary. Jaiden and Roier both need to stay, to the concern and delight of the other little boy, while after getting patched up Missa and Philza elected to stay with this one. Cellbit's off somewhere - probably struggling to pull things from the archive with one arm in a cast - and Etoiles elected to get some fucking sleep.

It seems like a good idea.

Philza doesn't think he can, not without nightmares of a little boy bleeding to death, alone and scared, in a prison cell.

Or stabbed again - Missa did say both boys had tried to fight the Assassin; for all Philza admires their persistence, fighting back on the wounds they have, he's fucking terrified for them.

And, thinking of Missa, the man is waking up. Philza turns his attention there, watching him get up.

"Hey Missa," he smiles over, but he knows it looks thin.

He gets a smile back, as Missa scoots himself up to sitting.

The smile falls as soon as Missa lays eyes on the kid in the bed.

"How is he?"

"He had to be resuscitated."

Philza realises his mistake as he sees absolute terror consume Missa's features, and a terrified whine.

"Not today!" he clarifies, quickly, loudly. "Jesus fuck, I would have woken you if it was today. Sorry, sorry - recently, though, his ribs are still fucked up. Maybe a few days ago? Week at most?"

The whine turns from terror to heartbreak, Missa scrambling over with his too-long limbs. He picks up the boy's hand, clinging to it and muttering rapidly in Spanish.

Philza doesn't try to translate, not when the kid is obviously the one addressed - if anyone at all.

"Fuck, Missa, it wasn't even the first time either. Doc says he'll be fine so long as he heals like a human - and he's got human blood and human organs so we should be okay - but, fucking hell mate, I just..."

What does Philza even say? He permits the words to vanish into Missa's whine.

He reaches across, resting his hand atop Missa's. It takes the man a little bit to stop whining and ask "do we know why?"

"Not really," Philza feels his grimace. "We're hoping shock from the other injuries. It's bad, but now they're healed or healing... Easiest shit to fix, out of the options. Can't see anything else, doesn't mean there isn't."

There's another pained noise from Missa. Philza reaches up, absently wiping at his tears as he looks away to the boy's face. It takes a bit for Missa to collect himself up, clinging to the boy's hand and brushing his hair from his face.

"He's safe now?" Missa asks.

"He's safe," Philza confirms. "And once he's better, we'll find somewhere safe for him to stay."

It's a long shot, but they have some ideas of places safer than an airship full of the government's most wanted, at least.

Missa's fussing also seems to have awoken the boy; Missa startles, and turns to him, and when Philza's eyes follow he sees the little red flames in place of eyes watching them both.

Missa speaks something soothing in Spanish; Philza is still too furious to speak calmly enough for an injured and probably scared child.

The boy tries to sit up, only to flinch; Philza catches him, and helps him back down. Across the room he catches Doctor Ruiz's eye - she just gestures for him to go ahead and returns to her paperwork.

"Hey now," he tries to be gentle, but his voice is not really having it. "Lay back down. Your friend is just over there, see?"

The kid turns his head, and does relax a little when he spots the other boy. He still does not speak, glancing around but always returning to Philza and Missa.

"You're safe here," Missa promises. "Philza and I won't let anyone hurt you."

The kid glances between them; Philza tries to back Missa up with a nod.

He looks... confused, more than anything, glancing back at the other child, then at the adults. It takes a little bit, before he raises his arms and...

"Oh..." Philza whispers.

Missa leans down first, doing his best to avoid any of the wires or tubes surrounding the boy.

Philza follows a bit later, putting one arm across Missa's back and, with a lack of space, brushes a the child's hair with the other.

"We fucked her up," Philza promises. "She won't be hurting anyone again."

The boy does not stay awake long, his body brutalised and exhausted. Within moments of the hug starting he has fallen back asleep. Both Philza and Missa are reluctant to let go, but know that they must.

Missa sings lullabys, the music keeping Philza more to the present. He does not have much of a singing voice, so he fetches blankets instead, hoping the pressure will be comforting to the boy.

"He just wanted a hug," Missa's voice is broken. "Phil, Phil, he just- just a hug..."

Philza's own heart is a ruin, too; he opens his own arms up, and gestures Missa over. He wraps his friend in his arms, lets him cry into his shoulder.

If he also cries into Missa's hair, then it is his secret to tell.

[miwhotep]

I think a lot about the James Bond universe in Moriarty the Patriot and eagerly waiting for when Ernst Stavro Blofeld, the main antagonist of the Bondverse, will arrive to the scene. As a Milverton fan, I want him to come back as Blofeld, but of course, there are other possibilities for the role. Here, I will write down the reasons why I think Milverton can return as him - because there are more to it that just wishful thinking from my part - but I also list and explain two other candidates.

But first, let's learn a bit about Ernst Stavro Blofeld himself. He is the leader of a criminal organization called the Spectre, first appearing in the book called Thunderball. He barely appeared in the earlier James Bond movies, but he got re-imagined and became the archenemy of Bond, lurking in the shadows during the Daniel Craig era. James Bond defeats him in the movie called Spectre. There, we learn more about Blofeld's past and relations to James Bond what are different from the book canon: the Daniel Craig-era's Blofeld was the stepbrother of James Bond, who seemingly died in a mountain incident in his early 20s, but he actually just disappeared and took up a new name. He later started running the Spectre (Special Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion) and kept crossing James Bond's missions. He also tried to legalize the surveillance system called the Nine Eyes - which collects every data of all different secret agencies and governments, becoming a powerhouse of information exist in the whole world - through committing terroristic acts. In the end, James Bond stopped Blofeld and he ends up in prison, later getting killed.

Why is it possible for Milverton becoming Blofeld? While he is not from James Bond's past, but from William James Moriarty's (and Sherlock), but the Moriarties are running the MI6 in the end, so Milverton having relations to them instead of Bond is still close to the idea of the Spectre movie's Blofeld.

There's also the tendency in Moriarty the Patriot to cast Sherlock canon characters into the James Bond universe roles: James Bond's past self is Irene Adler, Von Herder is Q, Sebastian Moran is 006 Alec Trevelyan or Albert and later Louis (yes, Professor Moriarty had two brothers in the canon) is M. Milverton becoming Blofeld would fit into this tendency.

While they are not fully similar when it comes to their looks, Blofeld is also a younger man (in his 40s) with grey-white hair. Blofeld has a cat which is shown a lot of times with him, too - and while Milverton didn't have cat in YuuMori, the Conan Doyle canon's Milverton was a cat lover.

Blofeld in the movie Spectre is obsessed with information and wants to start operating his surveillance system he can get every data with - and Milverton was a media mogul who knew about most things what was going on in London and was also a control freak.

From the antagonists YuuMori gave us, the only one most likely to be smart enough to start an international criminal organization would be Milverton - he already built up several successful companies and have experience in organizing crime, so it is possible that it's him who creates the Spectre. And like Blofeld, Milverton was also a mastermind pulling the strings from the shadows - just remember both the Whitechapel and the White Knight arc. Milverton was also knowledged and skilled in the activities of the Spectre: Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion.

It's also interesting to note that beside what the name Spectre stands for, the word also refers to vengeful ghosts - and Milverton surely want revenge if he survived.

Blofeld seemingly died and came back - and Milverton's body was never found. It could've been just a way for Sherlock getting away from the punishment for killing him, but also, maybe Milverton truly didn't die that night - from what I could gather from my cousin's doctor wife and a doctor friend in the fandom (to both of them, I am really thankful to take the time to analyze Milverton's injuries for me) he can survive if Ruskin gets him help in time (and in Ruskin, I believe). Also, Moriarty the Patriot has a tendency for characters coming back from situations where they should have just died - so I'm not taking Milverton's death as a fact.

And let me remind you a non-Blofeld related fact about Milverton: his company has a branch firm in New York. Is it just a coincidence that Liam and Sherlock ended up in New York as well? If Milverton survived, he most likely retreated to New York: there, he could've learn about Sherlock and William being alive and now working together - that would fuel his anger even more.

The other candidate to be Blofeld is Albert's younger brother, OG William - and OG William is Liam's actual stepbrother. If someone saved him and treat his injuries in time on the night when the young Moriarty group set the house on fire, he could survive, too, and in that case, he also surely wants to have revenge.

The third person with great revenge in his heart, possible knowledge to build up a criminal organization thanks to his employer's teachings and the highest chance of survival from the three - is Ruskin, Milverton's secretary. If Milverton truly died that night, Ruskin surely wants to take his revenge on the people who killed the person he loved to the point of running back for him into a burning house, despite that it puts his life into danger. Yes, if Ruskin is out there - he is surely furious. I wouldn't be surprised if we get to see him again.

But maybe Blofeld will be someone who truly didn't appear yet, a totally new character in the series. I don't know where Part 2 will lead us, there will be more focus on MI6 missions at all and if we would even get Blofeld as the next big villain - but it's still fun to theorize on his identity. I'm really in love with the thought of Milverton being him so if this won't be the case, I will just keep it as an AU because it's too good for an idea to just pass by.

And if you see this sign appearing in future manga chapters, beware: the Spectre is near.

[lumpkinboi]

Working meds and two mental illnesses

[Extremely disorganized rambling ahead]

So the meds are working. It's honestly a little crazy to me how I can actually just sit down, clear my mind and just focus on my work. In 26 years of living, I was never able to properly sit down and do something until I started this treatment and it's been doing wonders. Although I'm getting to a point where they don't work as well as they used to, my doctor said this is normal and we just have to find a dosage that works for me over a longer period of time. So if they stop working entirely, we can just increase the dosage, or switch to a different medication.

Sometimes I think about how many opportunities I squandered because I have this disease and never treated it. But it's also hard to blame myself because going after treatment was difficult due to this illness. I've been caught in a catch-22 my whole life. To a certain extent, I still am. I have a lot of social anxiety and I can't really talk to people very well, which is tough because I have to talk to people to get treatment.

But then again, who could I blame? It's not my fault I was born like this, but it is my fault I never got it fixed. I think I'm ready to accept I just wasn't strong enough to deal with it and decided to ignore it until it went away. But I am now, and I guess that's what matters.

To me, currently, the anxiety is the biggest problem I have, and I never really put the two on a balance. At first I thought that if I "fixed" my ADHD, things would get better, but I don't know why I thought one thing would lead to another. I have two separate problems that each require different kinds of treatment. In hindsight, obviously treating ADHD would not treat the anxiety. But it did better my quality of life.

Lately, something very personal has been bothering me. It's been a small source of anxiety for a while, but it came rushing to me as a much bigger issue. I thought it'd go away since it always does, but it's been getting worse, and I don't think the ADHD meds are really helping on that department. It feels like they make this anxiety worse. It's a constant internal struggle that I've been dealing with for the past couple of years. And now it feels like I've unearthed a bomb and it blew up on my face and now I'm dealing with the repercussions. I'm not gonna talk about what it is on this blog since it's a very personal matter, and I haven't really processed everything very well yet.

But I've cried over it. I haven't cried in years. Or, rather, haven't cried in years over something so emotionally personal. This has affected me a lot more than I thought it would. Maybe it's time I find a psychologist too.

I think now I finally have a real plan. I've created a loose step-by-step plan to get everything in my head properly sorted. There are many things I want to achieve, but I have to achieve inner peace first. I start with the ADHD, get my finances in order, work through my social anxiety, then move from there. Maybe in 5 years I'll be a real person. I wish I could be a real person now, but life doesn't work like that.

I don't want this post to sound like I'm sad, even though I am upset at the current state of my life. It's more so for me to visualize my thoughts. I found that the last time I did something like this, it helped me organize my head a little, so I think I should start doing it more often. I guess the TLDR is that things suck and not everything can be fixed, but I am trying to focus on the things I have at least some semblance of control over.

I just want to be normal.

[aelianated-star]

I saw your dysautonomia post. I've been diagnosed for over a year and known for longer but my doctor keeps refusing to prescribe me a wheelchair despite the fact I can't walk further than down the hall without one. They keep trying to send me to physical therapy (only for one body part at a time due to insurance despite also having chronic pain evenly in my whole body and experiencing post-exertional malaise even from light physical therapy). Other than just finding a new doc, which I've been working on, do you have any advice for how to get a doc to actually prescribe the mobility aids you need?

(I am lucky enough to have a decently fitted one that I cannot self propel but can be pushed in, but my partner also has POTS so that's rarely an option and only for short trips (which only because in her own words hers is "better managed" than mine currently). But I really do need probably a motorized one at this point and I know other disabled people often know how exactly to get through to a doc so even if I can't convince my current doc I can hopefully use any tips when I find a new one.)

I wish I had better advice, but I would definitely look for educated physicians who are familiar with dysautonomia and fiddle around with medications (Corlanor/Ivabravine and infusions are the only things that has even helped remotely with mine). I had the same issue with a lot of doctors and was gaslit about not having EDS until my neurologist, shortly after diagnosing me with 3 types of dysautonomia, also diagnosed me with EDS (it was glaringly obvious apparently. I’m extremely hypermobile, can dislocate things on command and experience daily dislocations/subluxations, history of heart issues that he now escalated to four regurgitating valves, stretchy, velvety skin, strophic scarring, gastroparesis, at the time pending MCAS diagnosis, etc). If you can, there are organizations that will loan out wheelchairs for relatively cheap or free for people who need them, the difficulty is just finding one that’s near you or will ship to you! Also, I would definitely recommend a lightweight, motorized wheelchair or a regular wheelchair with motorized attachments like a smart drive or motorized wheels. The weight is going to be a big factor, especially if your partner is also disabled/chronically ill and you guys need to be able to transfer it into the car. I’m kinda in the same boat right now where even in a normal lightweight wheelchair (without motorization), my heart rate will get up to 200 and I can’t push myself for more than a minute really. I’ve been stuck using my forearm crutches to get around everywhere, but since that doesn’t do anything for my heart rate or blood pressure, I’m limited to doing anything (albeit not very much) to extremely good days. I’ll link some cheaper models below, and please feel free to dm me for more advice, I’m always happy to help other people out 🩵

[kimmykoosh]

Finished all DLC's for New Vegas. Here's what my review of them so far, according to the order I played. Very biased and contained opinions.

Old World Blues (Science fantasy gone wrong).

My first entry to the new world. After failing to make it out from Think Tank for a 987- a couple of tries, I manage to keep myself alive for most of the expedition here. Best DLC in my opinion. New world, so much to discover, new guns, everything is out there to kill you, great. Story wise, I admit, I had to provide extra attention to differentiate the doctors here without confusing things. Most of the science fiction things they often described and the references they gave are all over my head and often made me sleeepy. But I LOVE LOVE LOVE the personified helpers. Sinks, doc, the sexy jukebox and the plant seed thing that helped me too many times in making things. The scientists came to grew on me. I like the suit talking to me because it's lonely being by yourself in an empty world :')))

TLDR; All the science fiction things are snoozefest, but I am still alive after got shot in the head, getting labotomized AND played around with my organs. NPC's are fun and have many personalities. Lots of new weapons, upgrades and big place to make my stimpaks. 10/10 would give Muggy more coffee mugs for his sanity.

Honest Hearts (A much more vertically challenging desert with a view. )

Entered this with half of my things, and a heartache coz I actually reseted 4 times just to save my Caravan crew. And accidentally shot Follows-Chalk because I thought he was a baddie before I realize I'd done goofed up. Story wise, the whole thing was okay. Nothing much I'd care since Salt-Upon-Wounds will kill me regardless if I'm doing pacifist or not. I did enjoy getting high to fight a ghost bear. The map was big enough for me to find everything, but didn't make me care for it much. Joshua Graham is okay, but he didn't like me raiding his stuffs to make bullets that fucker has a bajillions of pistols wtf rude.

TLDR; Forgetable DLC, NPC is one-sided. But the view though. Plentiful mountains, greeneries and high skies. Also lots of fresh water. Sometimes rain. That's new. Weapons are, meh. Useful if you use unarmed or melee. 4/10, would kill more Yao Guai.

Dead Money (Ghost Town Heist With the Gang. )

Started this with a bump on the head (poor Courier holy shit) The only DLC that made me feel challenged because of the constant ducks and sneaking. The Ghost People are creepy and also hard to hit. I cant remember how many times I had to look down and check at my feet or I'll be blown up and get detected. The place is very barren of any places to make stuffs and bullets so you'll learn to adapt with alternate weapons and use any ammo you do have or get, while the Sierra Madre vending machine becoming your next best friend. The NPC's though. The beeping on my neck will haunt me for the rest of my days and I get that casino Obsessed freak to thank for. I'm sad I didnt get too much time with Christine, because she seemed to be a great character towards the end. Dean Domino is a charismatic asshat that gives out very convenient stashes everywhere, but we didn't get to be friends. I did like him though, brilliant mind, just doesn't trust in people. Didn't get to know much about God, coz Dog is too fun and made me feel safe from the people. Story wise, it's very well paced. Though after I opened up the casino, and darted through ALL the ghost people in town by myself, I cant help but noticed I missed something else, but the collar keeps on killing me and I had to go to the next place without checking. Just wished I can check it myself without dying.

TLDR; DLC's challenging, but not that you can't do it. You can do this without killing as much of the Ghost People if you can. Story is rich in juicy details. Betrayal, conflict, and also, plain love. Always love Laura Bailey inside as Vera Keyes. 8/10 for exploding collars.

Lonesome Road (The Sad Tale of the 2 Couriers. )

The only DLC that has a history of the player in past tense, other than being dead, and a mailman. This also introduces our antagonist of the DLC, Ulysses. A very angry ghost who talk through EdE.

Okay, Ulysses is interesting. We got to know about him more throughout the DLC. His history and how he came to here. Interestingly he knew about the factions in New Vegas and everything that is happening there. He is honestly my saving grace in this DLC, but god, his prosses and the way he talks is so BORING. Often I had to relax and do something else for me to understand much about what he is saying. Does that outed me for being an idiot? Maybe? I guess coming from the Legion, he has a style of talking that is unique.

As for the rest of the playthrough, the DLC provides a different thing in going through the whole map. We get to use the laser blaster to blast through and open up certain sections of the blocked roads. Other than some extra weapons, the map and gameplay was decent. I certainly didnt expect to see the Deathclaws coming in here.

TLDR; A very good connection towards Ulysses, a fellow courier that saw our work, and then blamed us for nuking the entire map. Among all of the DLC's I enjoyed this one for the courier per courier connection. I dont really enjoy the Deathclaws and the long and frivolous way to get to Ulysses' hideout. 4/10 for more couriers sending bombs towards the Mojave wastelands, to combat Ulysses' boring speech.

[miyukihoshizora]

So! FFVIII! Finished it yesterday, loved most of the last stretch! And it totally comes appart the second you think about it too hard!

First what I liked:

Squall and Rinoa, obviously. Their dynamic and respective growths mirroring each other. One who shuts off the world and one who forces herself to seem like this dizzy social butterfly, both because they are terrified of being hated. Their friendship very organically evolve into a romance and the best scenes in the game like the space rescue are always between these two.

Quistis was also the teammate I felt got to do the most. Started off as a mentor, before realizing the mantle of leader was not for her and learning to put her full trust into something other than her instincts. She also had the emotional intelligence to dodge a love triangle when she felt that shit arrive lmao.

The game is also full of really cool setpieces in general. The space rescue, the Gardens themselves, the Lunatic Pandora... And of course, Ultimecia's castle! I absolutely loved the whole dream sequence at the end, how it communicated without words on all of Squall's fears and how Rinoa became the reason he learned to enjoy his life. How he clung to her image like a lifeline even if the time distortion + GF poisoning tried to take it away from him (as it did with Ultimecia if you subscribe to the U=R theory). Like god damn, this was strong stuff.

Speaking of! I'm actually shocked Ultimecia being Rinoa is just a fan theory Square went out of their way to debunk because it seemed so obvious to me from the get go and I wasn't even aware of the theory until I looked into it. I find it weird they decided to just say no to the whole thing instead of keeping it ambiguous, as the game does, because thematically, this makes it a really powerful story, and Ultimecia a much more sympathetic baddie. Like damn, you can do so much with Griever being all she has left of her knight, while her refusal to let go of it twisting her memories to the point she can no longer recognize him when he comes to her from the past, as she wanted. Respectfully gonna kill the author on this one.

Now for the less good stuff... The orphanage plot twist, obviously. Doctor Odine's whole deal. The Norg stuff. I imagine the fact this plot is held together by duct tape is like, the popular opinion at this point. The best parts of this game kind of mostly work in a vacuum.

Also, well... Zell, Irvine and Selphie don't really have any arc to speak of as far as I can tell. Which is a bit disappointing, compared to VII, I wish they all got to do a lot more. They are still my babies but I really didn't care for them as much as I did the other three, and that Is a problem in a seried that lives or die by how much you engage with its characters.

Oh and bro, Seifer. I jokingly compared him to Draco Malfoy and just like Draco they totally half assed his part in the plot. He had strong momentum as a rival character in Disc 1, but the fact Rinoa stops having feeling for him the second he does his heel turn, and that he just wanted to be Ultimecia's knight, regardless of whether it was Edea or Rinoa, TWO WOMEN HE LOVED, is completely ridiculous. He also got a total anticlimax with the most heavy-handed Gilgamesh cameo, and then Fujin and Raijin (the best part of this stupid plot thread) just redeem him off screen where he goes back to Balamb and never gets any comeuppance for actively trying to destroy the world, like, what the hell even was that.

Oh yeah also the gameplay system is jank and I only started having fun with it when I broke it.

That about sums up my thoughts. I'm really happy of my experience with this game, and to finally be done with the Playstation era!~

My X replay is next, and then I'll probably hop straight onto XV.

[psykoticrefuge]

Trans stuff:

So my doc follows wpath standards and it's honestly frustrating. Cause when we started all this and grabbed my baseline hormone levels, I'm a heavy T producer. Not extremely high but we'll above the average for a cis male. I was a hairy boy, this made/makes sense.

I got my refill of sublinguals over a month ago and knew that we were gonna discuss injections this most recent appointment and so I changed it up how I was taking them. I added an extra pill in the middle of the night. Which brought me to 8mg a day, 2mg every 6 hours, and let me tell you.. I felt great.

Had a noticeable surge in breast tissue development, libido came back more (which helped with atrophy issues), and just mentally I was doing a LOT better. When we did blood work I didn't think far enough ahead to drop the 4th pill a couple days in advanced and so the levels were "high" and comment was made about that.

I do wanna pause and say, it's really hard to get a read from my doc. He's made some positive remarks about transition but also there is almost a layer of a condescending tone during appointments. My wife has gone with for in person visits and agrees it feels off.

Anyways, still got to go on injections (Yay!) and I know I'm not a doctor. But my organ function was perfect. Liver, kidneys, thyroid, heart, all that, was within the appropriate levels. So it makes sense to me that if my cis body is producing higher T then it would be more in line with its base functionality to have higher E as well. Anecdotal and blood evidence supported this. Wife says I was doing better and I felt better. As a severely traumatized AuDHDer this is rare for me. I've had depression/anxiety since my teens and am currently working through an incredibly rough burnout.

The point?

I wish transition stuff was more in the hands of the individuals rather than doctors. I'm thankful he's there to read and interpret my blood work results but it sucks that we have to fit ourselves into these standards of care rather than forge our own path. It's why I support DIY and truly believe that HRT should be over the counter. All of it. All. Of. It.

Because of money stuff I haven't been able to get my injections yet and the pharmacy said it's on backorder so that's been a fun scramble to try and find it. Because of this I'm still on my 6mg a day and just, I can feel it. I can feel that difference in me. My mood has been lower (lot of extenuating factors tbh) my drive has gone back down, and in general I feel.. worse. Not bad bad worse but, noticeable.

And I can't help but relate the whole thing to disability justice and the Healthcare for All fight. We may not be doctors but we live in our bodies every day and we know our bodies best. (Also neurodivergent justice, like it's just so connected! >.<) If a patient feels good/better and organ function levels reflect no worries, we should be able to have a say even if other levels are "outside standard deviation". We should have a say no matter what, but you get what I mean.

It makes me sad/mad that the Hirschfeld institute was destroyed and all that research with it. So much was lost. Most of our data on feminization comes from post menopausal cis women.. trans bodies are different! And being the target of the far right (more connectivity: also being disabled I'm a double target) it's just.. *sigh* this will turn into a completely different post if I continue this route.

HRT should be over the counter and medical patients deserve a greater say in their care. If you've made it this far, thank you for reading. If you're cis, please think about what I've said when you vote or when you join us in the fight for liberation. Our struggles are not that far from each other.

Peace, Panache, and Pancakes,

Rivr

[bluejay-in-write]

A list of all my oc stories including fandom based and completely original stories as well as links to their specific original character's posts and their story tag all under the cut! 😊 Please feel free to reblog! 💙 Also this is my AO3 so all my stories are now in one place! (Other than Tumblr so actually findable now 🤣) (links are currently under construction but I will continue to update this post in the future)

Original Story Fics

Code Blue OCs + Tag 💻

(Spy novel about stumbling upon a family while on a secret mission to uncover a long hidden mystery to find out who you really are)

***

Dragon's Heart OCs + Tag 🐉

(Fantasy novel about going off to explore the world while trying to accept both sides of yourself while one side just so happens to be a dragon)

***

Me, Myself, and I OCs + Tag ☕️

(Slice of life novel about thoughtless wishes and being faced with your past and your future who now just so happen to be your new roommates)

***

Rise and Fall OCs + Tag ☄️

(Super hero novel about falling from grace and rising from the ashes and fighting with what you once were while trying to figure out who you want to be)

***

The Forgotten Goddess OCs + Tag 🦉

(Modern fantasy novel about remembering your past mistakes that lead you to where you are and doing your best to prevent the past from repeating itself)

***

Missing Piece OCs + Tag 💎

(Adventure novel about going on a journey to change who you are only to stumble across people that don't see what's so wrong with you to begin with)

***

The Chosen Ones OCs + Tag ⚔️

(Fantasy novel about revenge and taking down the organization that ruined your life until you find out that they ruined other lives too and you just so happen to acquire a child because of it)

💙

Fandom OC Fics

Ace Attorney OCs + Tag ⚖️

(under construction)

***

ATLA OCs + Tag 💨

After the 100 year war is finally over Aisha, best friend to Suki and a member of the Kiyoshi warriors who have been traveling around and protecting earth nation citizens from the fire nation realizes that just because the war is finally over doesn't mean that her job is done. It's going to take a long time for peace to return to the world but maybe she can help it along.

***

Doctor Who OCs + Tag 🌌

(under construction)

***

Harry Potter OCs + Tag 🔮

(under construction)

***

Into the Spider-Verse OCs + Tag 🕷

(under construction)

***

Leverage (Redemption) OCs + Tag 💵

After Sophie and Hardison died during a job gone wrong the team couldn't manage to stay together. Lost in their grief they all went their separate ways for good this time until years later when Breanna realized that someone was taking out leverage teams one after another. She couldn't call the old gang after everything they lost so she decided to put together a new team in hopes that they can figure out who's behind this before all of Leverage International gets taken out.

***

MCU OCs + Tag 🍁

Autumn didn't see much for her life when she imagined the future and often did her best to avoid doing so. But after her abusive mom dies Autumn discovers something about her family she never knew and things change in ways that she never imagined. Now she has a whole new future to look forward to if only she can manage to hold onto it.

***

Miraculous Ladybug OCs + Tag 🦂

Marinette and Adrien thought they knew a lot about the miraculous after being Ladybug and Cat Noir for a couple years. But they were just about to find out how much they didn't know when a pair from one miraculous team per continent gets asked to join an ultimate group to team up and get rid of hawk moth and other villains they had been unaware of, for good.

***

National Treasure OCs + Tag 🏴‍☠️

After finding two world changing treasures and going on a few more escapades, Ben, Abigail, and Riley decide to go on one last adventure... parenthood. Little did they know that their treasure hunting days wouldn't end with them. And when their old enemies find some way to finally get their revenge in the last way they would expect, it would be their children taking up the mantle as they search for the treasure of a life time to stop it from falling into the wrong hands.

***

Percy Jackson OCs + Tag 🏺

(Under Construction)

***

Star Wars OCs + Tag 🪐

Anakin had always said he didn't want to train a Padawan but that was before he and Obi-Wan were sent on a mission that would change his life. A seemingly standard end to a mission was disrupted when the slave traders they were about to apprehend were blasted back with the force by a slave girl who's name he would later to learn was Astraea. Although Obi-Wan had insisted Anakin leave her behind he knew that he had to give her the same chance Qui-Gon had given him all those years ago. When he had brought her before the council and they said she was too old for any master to agree to train her Anakin stepped forward and said that he would be her master, cementing the future and the prophecy of the Chosen One forever.

(Before anyone gets mad Ahsoka has not been forgotten. I love her too much to leave her out and she will actually end up becoming Astraea's padawan in the future.)

***

Supernatural OCs + Tag 👻

(under construction)

***

Teen Wolf OCs + Tag 🐺

(under construction)

[theunaestheticstudyblr]

I’ve graduated from a very prestigious middle/high school which was designed for gifted students it was really fun and gave us a lot of access to contests and courses and stuff, but I think it gave a false sense of what the academic world is like.

Because last year I’ve graduated and now I started college.

I managed to major in a really good medical field (doctor of pharmacy degree ) but I got in a very okay, not really exceptional university

And I don’t know what to feel.

Part of me mourn the fact that I didn’t get into medicine, even though I discovered I don’t really like it, I only like the allure of surgery and the glory and respect it comes from getting into such school. And this university is the best in the city (there are very very few) but certainly not in the country, I want events to attend, I want competitions to win, clubs to apply to, interesting people to befriend, and more aesthetically pleasing building to study in. And sadly the university doesn’t provide that much of any of these.

Sometimes I wish I applied to some program where I’d study abroad (that would certainly be interesting) and seeing one of my best friends do it really hit the nail on the head.

It’s just everyone says university are the best moments of your life and I’m really really scared that I wouldn’t get that, specially since I set up such high standards.

Do you have any tips where I would stop feeling that way? Or at least for making my university years more enjoyable/interesting/memorable ?

Of course! I was in a similar boat. I graduated high-school with honors and full rides to several distinguished universities and I attend a smaller, not well known university. I moved 10 hours from home to a city I've never been to and knew no one or anything. I went from a tight friend group and several clubs and activities to literally nothing. It's hard and disappointing and makes you question your worth.

The first step is acceptance and understanding. You know your situation and the reasons for it. It's where you are right now and it's your reality. Comparing your situation and yourself to others is so easy but it's so bad for you. And it's hard to accept things like this especially because they can make you feel lesser and like a failure, which I assure you you are not. There's nothing wrong with going to a smaller school. There's nothing wrong with being somewhere new and not super fancy. And it's ok to mourn and be upset over it as well as long as you come to turns with it and accept it.

The second thing I want to say is that schools tend to have a lot going on that you just don't know about. They absolutely SUCK at getting information out. I suggest following your school on different social media platforms to get more exposure to things. If they have a newspaper or newsletter, definitely get it! I found out that my school does guest lectures and resume building workshops and even has a diving club and I've been there for 5 years now. Most schools have a study abroad options available but don't really advertise them. Some classes even take place abroad as well. But you have to do digging to find them.

Another thing I would like to add is get to know your professors. Go to office hours. Ask about their paths and their experience in different fields. It can change your whole mindset and even set you on a new trajectory. They can also help get you connected to other clubs and organizations outside of the school as well!

Since you're in STEM, look for undergraduate research opportunities in your school. Talk to professors who do research with the university and see if you can shadow them or if they have space in their lab.

Also, get to know people in your class. Talk to the person sitting next to you. Talk to the others waiting for class to start or the people who ask a lot of questions. I know this can be hard and awkward but starting with simple questions about the class can lead to many great friendships.

See if your school has a discord or a Twitter or something. That's a great place to start meeting people virtually! If you meet several people who have similar interests, you guys could even start a club of your own!

And for the competition part, if the city has a brewery or late night cafe, sometimes those places have trivia clubs and events that could give you the same intellectual competition and thrill you seek! Get on Facebook and find some local clubs and groups that match your interests too!

The aesthetics of where you study don't impact your success whatsoever but I understand the want of that. Maybe you have a local library or garden you can study at.

Going to college is a huge change especially when you have high expectations and they aren't met. All you can really do is accept things and maybe apply to other universities as a transfer as well if you really aren't happy with your situation.

Anyways I hope you have a beautiful day love!!! And I hope I helped a little

[sshbpodcast]

Doublemint, Doublemint, Doublemint Trek: Doppelgängers in Star Trek (Part 2)

By Ames

Our blogtivity for character doubles in Star Trek obviously needs double the posts, doesn’t it! Continuing on from our batch from last week, A Star Steer Her By is reviewing the doppelgänger of that batch here! The topic had about fifty instances that we listed in last week’s podcast episode, so it was just too much for one post. You can follow along below and see if you can tell the real deal from the cheap carbon copy.

Some SPOILERS for new Trek (including season 3 of Picard!) under the fold.

[Images © Paramount/CBS]

“If Wishes Were Horses”

Update 3/13/24: How could I forget this awful Deep Space Nine episode? For simultaneously two reasons at once, there are two Jadzias at once! Bashir’s horniness for Dax is so strong that it conjures one straight out of his imagination, and she is thirsty AF! Also, it’s an alien being simply taking on the form of a familiar being, like Rumpelstiltskin and Buck Bokai, for some freaking reason. Sigh.

“Aquiel”

Update 1/28/24: There are even more character doubles than I even remembered! Now that I’ve been doing another rewatch, here are a few more additions, starting with Maura, Aquiel’s dog who turns out to be a coalescent organism that has taken on the shape of this very good puppy. We also learn that this organism apparently perfectly mimicked Aquiel’s superior officer, Lt. Rocha, for who knows how long?

“Interface”

Update 1/28/24: One more from TNG that totally fits this increasingly long list is the subspace creature that takes on the shape of Silva La Forge in order to communicate with Geordi (or at least the probe that Geordi is controlling at the time) and try to get him to help them while they’re in some kind of distress. Why they didn’t just ask normally, who knows? There’s also one more update that I was able to cram in show order! Go find it below!

“A Man Alone”

Should've mentioned this one last week, but I literally just remembered it right now. That rat Ibudan makes a clone of himself just so he can murder it and frame Odo in a scheme so convoluted a Romulan must've helped. And THEN Bashir makes another clone, like a freakin' mad scientist.

“Wrongs Darker Than Death or Night”

One more Deep Space Nine episode I should have mentioned last week when we did that batch, but listen. I'm only one person, not two like all of these people! In this case, we have two Kiras who briefly meet and shake hands when our Kira goes back in time to watch Dukat romance her mom, and then things get weird.

“Faces”

Okay, finally on to Voyager, where we’ve already got Torres talking to herself, quite literally. Like in “The Enemy Within” or “Second Chances” from last week, the drama in this episode is all in the interpersonal conflict between, well, one character. It’s also a lot of excellent work from Roxann Dawson in both a lot more and a lot less makeup than usual!

“Deadlock”

“Deadlock” duplicates the whole Voyager and crew, and not for the last time either! In this one, the two crews are occupying the same space while in different versions of the same ship and need to work together to escape some damn Vidiians. Luckily, they’ve got the expertise of not one, but two Janeways, so half of our two crews make it out okay.

“The Thaw”

One of Janeway's most badass moments is technically not Janeway herself, but her holodouble that was swapped in for her to torment Fear the Clown for all of eternity, and I am 100% here for it. It's such a sneaky little character swap that I have to give both of these Janeways a ton of credit.

“The Swarm”

The Doctor is a hologram so it’s pretty common to have multiples of him running around. You’d think he’d just make a crew of nurses that look like him, but alas. Instead, we’ll have to make do with the hologram diagnostic program, which of course has Zimmerman’s face. We’re used to it already from the whole Soong family, so it only makes sense.

“Relativity”

In one of my personal favorite time-travel episodes (if not one of my favorite episodes overall), we demolish the temporal prime directive by not only involving several Janeways, but also letting Seven interact with her alternate self to save the ship from the bullshit of one of the Braxtons (it doesn’t matter which one). And she looks great doing it!

“Demon” and “Course: Oblivion”

I’m clumping these two together for my own sanity, as the silver blood duplicates we meet in “Demon” provide quite the twist for “Course: Oblivion” in a revisited plot no one saw coming. And good on them because it provides quite the little identity crisis for all of the crew members to learn they aren’t the real thing and are fated to possibly the bleakest demises of the franchise.

“Equinox”

More double EMHs and we’re not even done yet. Being a hologram makes it easy for the Doctor to meet copies of himself since that’s exactly what he was built for. Sure, he wasn’t built to be the Voyager’s chief medical officer, and neither was he built to be the Equinox’s chief medical officer, and yet here we are with both of them in “Equinox.”

“Virtuoso”

The Qomar are super into the Doctor’s singing, so they find an excuse to duplicate him and provide us with yet another instance of multiple EMHs running around. Their copies range from the tiny tapedeck version of their opera-singing superstar, to a full-sized singing program that can hit an absurd range of notes but have none of the bedside manner clogging up the works.

“Fury”

Finally, a non-Doctor double to feast your eyes on, this one a future Kes that travels back in time to save herself from… herself. It’s kind of confounding since they rather rewrite the whole Kes character to make this reappearance work, but we were indeed missing Kes so much that even one version of her would have been a sight for sore eyes, and here we have two!

“Author, Author”

Like in “Living Witness,” we start off “Author, Author” with the some excellent alternate members of the crew, all slightly more exaggerated than their normal characters for the sake of the EMH’s story. We also get to see the Doctor get a taste of his own medicine when Paris confronts him with his own fictional doppel, and wrap things up with so many Robert Picardos in one room that it’s a thing of beauty.

“Renaissance Man”

Update 1/28/24: Sadly, we missed this one when we first made this post, so enjoy this great moment from “Renaissance Man” when the Emergency Medical Hologram created a full holodeck of himself to distract Tuvok just long enough to continue his ploy of taking over the ship for the Hierarchy. Like a simp. And with this update, we've maxed out the blogpost again!

“Endgame”

As we’ve seen, we love a good time-travel paradox in which someone gets to meet themself. Sure, you should normally try to avoid confronting yourself out of time, but that’s not the Janeway... way. At the end of a series, you get a pass to just break the timeline as a treat, almost certainly pissing off the Bureau of Temporal Investigations entirely.

“Dead Stop”

Enterprise is usually a more meat-and-potatoes kind of show since a lot of the great duplicaters like the transporter and the holodeck are still in development. But even they get into the act when we find a dead Mayweather lying around and determine that he’s actually a near perfect forgery. He does about as much as Mayweather does in the series, so it’s a miracle they could tell!

“Similitude”

When Enterprise sinks its teeth into a big moral conundrum that rivals the induced rage of something like “Tuvix,” it really goes for it. It’s heartbreaking to watch the spare Tucker come to accept his fate as mere organ donor for his original self, and Connor Trinneer really nails that level of simultaneous hope and vulnerability that he’s great at. But boy do some of these characters piss you off.

Star Trek (2009)

We've got another time travel instance to bring up from the reboot movies, because in the first Abrams movie, Leonard Nimoy is back as prime timeline Spock while we already have Zachary Quinto Spock running around and making out with Uhura all over the place. It is only logical.

“Kayshon, His Eyes Open”

We’ve mentioned back in our transporter accident post how this Lower Decks episode is an ode to “Second Chances,” with direct references to the classic TNG episode to boot. I also complained last week how The Animated Series didn’t capitalize on its cartoon nature to create really impossible-to-film scenes. Well, this animated Trek makes up for that and then some, as you’ll see below!

“An Embarrassment of Dooplers”

This second season episode is so full of duplicating (or should I say, dooplercating) characters that they literally can’t fit any more in the episode without causing a singularity. It’s a decent gag and Richard Kind is absolutely in his element as the voice of all the overly sensitive beings we see so many of. You get a Doopler. You get a Doopler. Everyone gets a Doopler!

“Reflections”

It’s tough being a cybernetically enhanced humanoid whose forgotten past self is literally fighting to get out and take over your body. Rutherford’s backstory continues to be one of the most intriguing elements of Lower Decks, and the episode in which we literally get to see him fighting with himself in his own mind is one of the most visually mesmerizing and intellectually fascinating yet!

“Broken Pieces” et alia

Hey fam, we hear you like Santiago Cabrera. Well season one of Picard has all the Santiago Cabrera you can stomach and still you’ll be wanting more. All the Rios holograms are a fun addition to the show and also provide some great comedic moments and some Moon-worthy compositing that might be the best we’ve ever seen on Trek. And what can I say, they’re easy on the eyes too.

“Et in Arcadia Ego”

Our definition of doppelgänger somehow includes golems that take on the form of the… I’m gonna say engrams because why not… that get inserted into it. In an uncharacteristically unselfish move, a Soong doesn’t create something that looks just like Brent Spiner and jams Picard’s consciousness into a Picard-shaped robot suit. The future is weird.

PIC: Season 3

Sorry for the spoiler (you were warned!), but by season three of Picard, the changelings are back and goopier than ever. Their ability to blend in has gotten way better, again they’re everywhere, and now they’re here for your children. We’ve seen changelings tons before, so I’ll not go further into detail here save to say that it's great to see more Tim Russes!

“Surrender”

What we’ve never seen before is a Data-Lore battle inside the head of… well, Brent Spiner mostly playing himself but it’s such a great scene that no one’s complaining. Like in the Lower Decks episode “Reflections” with Rutherford above, it’s a great use of the mental battle of someone with all kinds of circuits in their head and memory problems out the wazoo.

“Mindwalk”

We already had a ton of double Janeways acting across from herself in Voyager, but the holoJaneway of Prodigy gives us the opportunity to do it again in CGI form! I’ll not be a broken record going on about how much we love Prodigy (well, unless you count saying that as such), but it’s some great work from Mulgrew playing two very unique Janeways, plus Dal a little!

“A Quality of Mercy”

Last one, I promise. For now. I’m sure upcoming seasons will give us even more doppels, but the final one I have to show you was not one we were expecting from season one of Strange New Worlds! Of course the time crystals from Discovery are back since Pike has interacted with them before, and now it’s up to alternate reality Chris to convince himself to embrace his beepy, beepy fate. Beep!

—

After such a long, long list, I’m seeing double. 120 Star Trek doppelgängers! Oh wait. Next week, we’re back on course, so keep up with us on the Voyager on SoundCloud or wherever you podcast, communicate with our alternate selves on Facebook and Twitter, and join me now in just doubling over.