#i work 12-18 hours a DAY 7 days a week. i have three jobs

[frankpunisher]

i wish i could live the lives any one of my friends live

[rorywritesjunk]

I can’t tell where the journey will end But I know where to start

Prequel to my Kid Buggy fic, set about 11-ish years before that story.

Buggy meets you by chance when he needs his buttons sewn back onto his jacket. He’s young, up and coming, and he thinks everyone should cower before him wherever he goes, but all you do is smile at him.

Rating: PG-13ish just for some swearing. Warning: Buggy’s in his early 20s. He’s an asshole. He just is because I wanted to write him loud, demanding, everything. Chapter warning has drinking, a drunk and all over the place Buggy, and Sunny just quietly being "what the fuck". Also it's Buggy's birthday. A/N: I have no idea when Buggy became a Captain, so he’s a fresh faced captain in this. No clue how long this fic will be. I actually have started rewriting it after chapter 5 because I realized I wanted to change some things up.

Title comes from “Wake Me Up” by Avicii.

TAGLIST: @lostfirefly @ane5e @kingofthemfingpirates @the-angriest-angel @tiredemomama @valen-yamyam16 @i-reblog-fics-i-like @plethora-of-fickleness @uhnanix

Chapter 1 + Chapter 2 + Chapter 3 + Chapter 4 + Chapter 5 + Chapter 6 + Chapter 7 + Chapter 8 + Chapter 9 + Chapter 10 + Chapter 11 + Chapter 12 + Chapter 13 + Chapter 14 + Chapter 15 + Chapter 16 + Chapter 17 + Chapter 18 + Epilogue

Chapter 6

“I think she’s heartbroken.” Benji said as he and Miss Pins watched you stumble around the shop, looking through stacks of fabric and spools of thread looking for your tailor’s chalk that was tucked up in behind your ear. You had been acting… odd since you told Buggy to leave the shop three weeks ago. You managed to sew a customer’s order to your lap, sewed cuffs inside out on another one, and just now you spent the last hour looking for the blue piece of tailor’s chalk that you tucked behind your ear. 

“Oh?” Miss Pins replied, head resting in her hand as she watched you look through the same stack of fabric again. “You’re a kid, how do you know about heartbreak?”

“I was in love with a girl and she broke my heart.” Benji told her as you finally found the chalk and set it on the table. “We were 12. She told me she wanted someone nicer, which was dumb. I am nice. I just voice my opinions.”

“Well, don’t get hung up on that young romance. Someone else will come around.” The old woman said as you started looking for your scissors next. They were in a cup in front of you along with other tools. “This is really sad. Did she like the idiot that much?”

“I think so.” Benji frowned. “I didn’t like him.”

“Neither did I.” Miss Pins sighed. “So of course Sunny would.”

“Why did she like him?” Benji asked. Miss Pins shrugged.

“She’s always been kind, ever since she showed up here all those years ago.” Your boss replied. “No matter who someone was or how awful they were, she would just be nice to them.”

You finally found the scissors and held them up triumphantly before pausing and staring down at your work. It took you so long to find the tailor’s chalk that you forgot why you needed it and the scissors. You were distracted, half expecting Buggy to come bursting into the shop any moment now with some silly little thing to fix on his jacket, but you were quite firm when you told him to leave that one day, so he must have taken it to heart. You weren’t going to see him again.

Was it fair you got upset because he couldn’t remember your name? But at the same time, the way he reacted was more hurtful. Something stupid like your name. It repeated in your head nonstop and you wished it wouldn’t. He was just so mean about it. Sure, he had been rude and a bit of an ass since you met him, but it was never mean. 

You remembered what you were working on. A customer wanted his jacket to have reinforced stitches in the sleeves but more room in the shoulders to allow him better movement when he used his sword. He had come into the shop and while you even thought he was handsome, you didn’t hide your disappointment that it wasn’t Buggy. Miss Pins gave the job to you and the man paid ahead of time, so you immediately started working. 

Maybe Buggy would show back up.

~

You had been fast asleep until you were woken up by someone yelling outside the shop. You heard your boss shouting from her bedroom window at whoever it was, but you got up to see what was going on. You heard her shout Dammit Buggy! So you headed downstairs to the shop and opened the door. 

Sure enough, Buggy was standing there, glaring upwards at Miss Pins’ window. He swayed where he stood, a bottle clutched in his hand before he raised it up.

“You’re loud too, Miss Pins!” He shot back before shrieking and jumping out of the way. Miss Pins had dumped a cup of water on him. “Hey!”

“Buggy?” You stepped out of the shop and closed the door behind you. His eyes lit up when he saw you and he had a big smile on his face. His face was flushed and he looked so happy to see you.

“Su-Sunny! You’re still here!” He slurred, grinning as he dropped the bottle and threw his arms around you, catching you off guard. “I thought maybe… maybe you left and never wanted to see me again!”

Oh, this was a happy and drunk Buggy. You could smell the alcohol on his breath as well coming off of his clothes. You wondered how much he had already. It was best to send him on his way, to not get involved, but you worried what sort of trouble he would get into if you left him alone, so you called up to your boss’s window that you’d be back later, you wanted to make sure he got back to his ship safely. You picked up the bottle and put your arm around his waist, keeping a firm hold on him to keep him from wandering off.

“‘S my birrrrthday!” He announced as he slung an arm over your shoulder, laughing loudly as you made your way down the road and toward the docks. “I’m… I’m two months… After you. I’m younger.”

“You definitely are.” You mused as you tightened your arm around him. He looked at you with a smirk.

“You’re touching me.” He lifted his arm to have another drink and realized he didn’t have his bottle. “Where-”

“I have it, Buggy.” You told him, holding it up to show him. “No more, okay?”

He looked grumpy until his hand popped off and grabbed it from you, bringing it back to himself. Smirking triumphantly, he raised the bottle to his lips and continued drinking. You weren’t opposed to drinking at all, but you also didn’t want to be around a drunk pirate right now. You wanted to be home and sleeping.

“Which one is your ship?” You asked when you came to the docks. He lowered the bottle and frowned as he looked at them before pointing to one furthest to the right. You hoped he was right as you walked with him to the ship, still keeping a hold on him. Once you dropped him off you’d head back home, but he turned to you with bright and excited eyes.

“Have a drink with me!” He pleaded. “It’s… it’s my birthday.”

“I know it’s your birthday, you told me.” You reminded him. “And I don’t want a drink, Buggy. I need to get home.”

“Please?” He asked as he stopped in his tracks. You kept your arm around him and looked over at him. The happy and bouncy Buggy was gone, replaced with someone different. He looked unsure of himself right then as he asked you, turning his gaze to his feet. You were going to regret this but you sighed and nodded.

“One drink.” You told him, and before you knew it, he was smiling again and taking hold of your hand, leading you up to his ship with his chest puffed out proudly, looking quite happy once more. You followed after him, shaking your head as he led you to what you figured was the captain’s quarters. One drink, that was it, then you’d head home.

He finally finished the bottle and tossed it aside before stumbling over to a cabinet for more. You took a seat on his bed, watching him as he rummaged around before pulling out two glasses and a bottle. He grinned at you, wagging his eyebrows as he brought you a glass and opened the bottle, but you took it from him.

“The birthday boy shouldn’t be pouring his own drink.” You told him as he plopped down beside you. You didn’t trust him to not spill it everywhere so you poured him a glass before your own, setting the bottle out of his immediate reach (which was silly because he could still grab it with his Devil Fruit powers). “Cheers, Buggy.”

He smiled brightly and let his head rest on your shoulder as he gripped his glass tightly. “You’re nice.” 

“I’ve been told that.” You chuckled. “Thanks.” 

“No, no, no, you’re so nice.” He continued gushing. “And… y’know, I’m gonna marry you. You’re so nice, Sunny, and I’m not married, y’know, so we should get married.”

You choked on your drink and set the glass aside, coughing a bit before clearing your throat. Oh, he was so drunk. You reached up to pat his cheek gently. “You’re not going to remember any of this tomorrow, so don’t propose marriage to me yet.”

He tossed his drink back before giving you his glass. You put it beside yours, not wanting to fill it back up. The moment your hand was free he took it in his own, entwining his fingers with yours as he continued his drunken rambles.

“We’ll get married, because you’re so nice to me, and I’ll be so happy.” He continued as he turned to look up at you. “I want to be happy with you, Sunny.”

“Buggy, I want you to be happy too.” You told him. “I don’t know if marrying someone will make you happy, however.”

“Is it because I was an asshole on your birthday? Is… is that why you won’t marry me?” Buggy asked with a frown. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry I was mean. I was an asshole. I like you a lot and got scared ‘cause I couldn’t remember your name, and you have a nice name, and I didn’t get you a present.” He suddenly dropped your hand and stood up, marching back over to his cabinet. “Wait, I wanna sh-show you somethin’!”

Oh, Drunk Buggy was just a bit everywhere. Happy, excited, emotional, and apologetic. It was kind of fun to see in a way. He rummaged through the cabinet before hurrying back over to you, tripping over his own feet before falling onto his bed beside you. He held up something and you took it. They were photographs of two young boys, one with a straw hat and red hair, and the other had to be Buggy going by the bright red nose and scowl. 

“That’s me,” He pointed to himself in the photo. “Wasn’t sure if you knew. And that’s Shanks. We… we were best friends on a ship together and then we weren’t.” He frowned. “Haven’t been for a few years.” He sat up on the bed and leaned into you again. “You’re really nice.”

“Thank you for apologizing for my birthday, Buggy.” You told him as you looked through the photos. There weren't many, and they were old, showing their age in their wrinkles and fading color. Buggy certainly was a cute little kid. “I’m sorry I was rude to you.”

He straightened up and put both of his hands on your cheeks, turning your head so you faced him. He glared at you and you wondered what was about to happen, but his gaze suddenly softened and he looked down at his lap, his hands still on your cheeks. “Don’t you ever apologize because you’re perfect and have done nothing wrong ever.”

You put both of your hands on his and moved them off your face. “Buggy, I think you need to go to bed.”

He turned red suddenly and pulled away from you, looking down at his lap as you got to your feet and removed his hat, setting it down on a nearby trunk. You noticed he went quiet but decided not to say anything as you looked for some kind of sleep clothes for him, or did he just sleep in his everyday clothes? When you looked back over at him he was struggling to remove his shirt. You sighed and went to help him get free of it. When you saw his face again, he looked away once more.

“What’s wrong?” You asked as you knelt in front of him to help take his boots off. You didn’t trust him to do it himself, afraid he’d topple over and hit his head. 

“I never… with… with anyone before.” He mumbled as he gestured between the two of you. For a solid minute you stared at him as you tried to process what he was thinking, and when it hit you, your face burned as you set his boots aside. “So um…”

“Neither have I, Buggy, but that’s not what I said.” You told him firmly. “I told you it’s time for bed. For you, not me. You need to get some sleep.”

“Canyoustaythenight?” He blurted out. “Please? I don’t… want to be alone.”

You stared at him for a moment, trying to wrap your mind around this. You didn’t intend for any of this to happen. You were just going to bring him home before going back to your place to crawl into your bed, but he managed to get you to stay for a drink (that you didn’t finish) and now he wanted you to spend the night. 

He was looking at you like you were the only thing that mattered in his world right then. It was a little hard to say no, but you did want to make sure he would be okay, so you removed your own shoes before putting your hands on your hips. “Where are your pajamas?”

He shrugged as he fell back on his bed, stretching out across it. His entire body separated for a moment before snapping back together and honestly, it was momentarily horrifying to see it all happen at once. You needed him to explain this but not when he was drunk. You sighed and nudged him to get under the blankets, which he did, watching you once more with bright, excited eyes as you got into bed beside him. Almost immediately he wrapped himself around you, resting his head against your chest as he closed his eyes and sighed happily. 

“So nice, so soft, warm.” He mumbled quietly. You took the chance to remove his bandana, pleasantly surprised to see how long his hair was. Why did he keep it all hidden? You ran your fingers through it as he made himself comfortable against you. “I don’t wanna be away from you again, please, ‘msorry.”

“Get some sleep, Buggy.” You told him as you pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Okay? No more talking.”

“Imma marry you.” He sighed. You rolled your eyes and wondered what you needed to expect the next morning.

[daydreams-and-honeybees]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Was digging through my tumblr notifs and totally forgot I was tagged in this oops 😅

Thank you @fairytales-and-folklore for tagging me 🥰🥰

tagging @halcyonhue @sharksinflowercrowns @slightecho

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

20!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

106,520. I think that's pretty good!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The Owl House. (specifically, Huntlow.) Although once upon a time I wrote Percy Jackson!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Green (Like Jealousy) my magnum opus

Blushes Bloom Like Flowers all fluff

What are the chances? human au!

'Pretty' : Day 6, Scars Huntlow Week!

Golden Hour: Day 5, First Kiss/Gardening Huntlow Week!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I always appreciate when someone takes the time to write a comment. Whenever I enjoy a fic I always try to do the same, although I should be doing it more than I am lol.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think A Very Royal Menace, And Her Poor Knight's Attempts to Not Lose His Job? I don't know if it's really angsty, but it was based on an idea that @sharksinflowercrowns had of a princess/knight au and I really ran with the pining. I don't really count it as angsty because it really is just like a snapshot of that story and they live happily ever after because I can't not have happy endings. Can't promise any official continuations but there ya go.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Again, I like always write happy endings, but I think Flapjacks in the Morning is the happiest because it's like, all fluff and good feelings and they eat pancakes at the end.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really, sometimes I get rather vague comments that I *think* are well-intentioned or complimentary but also are kind of...ominous. All appreciative tho!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Wouldn't you like to know? /s

In all seriousness, not sure if I will ever get to it (maybe that bug with bite me someday, who knows) but if I do it would be super sweet, fluffy and sappy (and spicy lol) because that's all I do lol.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have not, I think the closest I'd get to something like that would be AU's of one story/setting that I would put another group of characters in, like a pacific rim AU or star wars, etc.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, not that I know of at least 😅

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not co-written, but I am the beta/editor for rachelrosemary’s fic The Kissing Project! and she has helped me with a bunch of mine as well!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Huntlow it's Huntlow.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Mm. Burning Sage. I was really ambitious when I started it but didn't plan it as well as I should have. It burnt me out too quickly and I don't think I will ever touch this high fantasy witch AU again, sorry. (But again, even with the angst it would have had a happy ending)

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I am pretty good with characterization? I get a lot of comments about that at least! And I've gotten some compliments on my prose when experimenting with writing styles once upon a time

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I was never a writer really, so I think my phrasing can end up awkward or vague because it doesn't convey what I intended. Rachel has helped with that tremendously however! I also struggle with dialogue not infrequently.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I have not done this yet, but I would include it if needed. I am not fluent in any language other than English so I would probably resort to looking it up and doing my best to make sure it was accurate for like, a handful of lines if I needed to.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Percy Jackson! I had like two or three percabeth fics I posted on wattpad like, twelve years ago. I'm sure they are still there lol.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Hmmmm...right now I want I'll Be Falling, Without Caution to get some love so go read that! It's a cute post-canon oneshot focusing on Hunter and Willow getting ready to get back into flyer derby by practicing together ALOOONE and cuteness ensues. Super fluffy and mutual losering/pining.

I found this is in my drafts from weeks ago so you're all getting this now! ta-da!

[theyhaveacavetroll]

Tagged by @pazithigallifreya. Thanks, I love doing these!

Tagging @partiallypearl, @imfunnyandrude, and anyone else that wants to!

1 How many works do you have on AO3? 90 works

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 585,148

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Cure for Sorrow

Cup of Their Deserving

As a Stranger Give it Welcome

Reclamation

To the Upper Air

Obligatory disclaimer: I'm only proud of three out of these five, but I'm glad that people are still getting something out of the other two. Cure for Sorrow and As a Stranger were written when I was a different person and well before the finale of Black Sails. 'Nough said.

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to, yes. I sometimes run out of time and energy because I work a full-time job where I'm out of my apartment 12.5 hours a day during the week.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don't write fics with angsty endings. Battle Raven comes the closest and even that isn't angst, it's just not sunshine and roses. If you want dark fic or real angst, I'm not your girl.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I think most of my fics have happy endings. If I had to pick a "and then they all lived happily ever after" fic it's probably most of the stuff in my Fate The Winx Saga works.

7. Do you write crossovers?

Yes, when the idea occurs to me! I'm particularly fond of You Steele Know My Name, which I WILL finish, I swear.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not hate. I've received weird comments and "when will you update" no other feedback given comments, but nothing truly mean.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yep! I've written kink and what I'd consider vanilla, or at least nothing to write home about. I've gotten better at it over the years.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of and that is NOT a challenge.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Again, not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yep! I have quite a few co-written fics with various people.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

In terms of what rewrote my DNA? Probably Flinthamilton but in terms of a ship that I always come back to where I have no negative fandom associations and endless, endless need to fix canon? Bagginshield.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

And the Sea With Its Deepness, aka the Black Sails fic where I faked everyone out with the first chapter specifically to enjoy the screams of "wait, that's WHO that got nabbed?!!" I want to come back to it but... yeesh, the fandom. I left for a Reason, and then there's the fact that I just can't with writing a certain character anymore.

15. What are your writing strengths?

Plot and dialogue. I'm one of the best damn mimics of character voices you'll ever meet and that's just facts.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action scenes. Action scenes are the bane of my existence, and I have a tendency to end paragraphs on an em dash too often that I've been trying to curb. A few is fine but there is such a thing as excess.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I like to do it but only in short bursts and for languages I can be confident I'm getting right.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Probably Star Wars when I was very, very, VERY young indeed.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Does it count if I have an unpublished WIP already? If so, then Downton Abbey and The Hobbit. If not, then honestly I have no idea.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Ironically, arguably my favorite is one none of you have even seen and might not because I have no idea if I'll ever finish it. It's long, it's sprawling, and I've worked absurdly hard on it but it's just. so. much. As to finished fics, though - probably Reclamation. It's got Themes and everything.

[disease-danger-darkness-silence]

Alright.

A list of things I need or need to do over the next week:

1. Somehow come up with $400 in the next three days to pay the phone bill. (THIS IS URGENT? I CAN'T DOORDASH ENOUGH TO MAKE THIS.)

2. Organize a fundraiser to cremate Raven's wife. I wanna go with the Neptune Society because even though they're a little more expensive, they just take care of everything, and they also offer grief counseling.

3. Use the little money I have to buy cat food. (Thank you to the person who sent me a lil' something bc that paid for cat food and toilet paper. I had to get a used tire and spent $50 for it - super cheap, but not $50 I could really spare. Fuck people who leave screws laying in the roadway.)

4. Somehow come up with $70 to pay my car insurance.

5. Get a power of attorney notarized and faxed to like seven different places. If anyone knows a cheap or free notary in Carson City or Reno, let me know, because my usual guy is on vacation.

6. File said power of attorney with the Carson City records department. (This apparently costs money and doesn't mean shit.)

7. Write letters to a judge.

8. Request records from a DA.

9. Request records from four different schools.

10. Take Raven to get their final VA disability assessment.

11. File paperwork for backdated pay from the VA based on the reason Raven was discharged (honorably).

12. Call Raven's therapist and have her call Raven to schedule a session before she leaves on vacation.

13. Call my therapist for same.

14. Call my doctor to get a refill on my migraine prevention meds.

15. Go through a fuckload of legal documents and create a timeline.

16. Call a jail and get visitor records logs.

17. Order urns and urn jewelry and somehow come up with the money for that.

18. Potentially plan for a relocation to the east coast.

19. Haggle with a judge about settling a warrant with out-of-state jail time, or a reduced sentence of some sort.

20. Organize a pay schedule for something owed.

21. Devise a potential parenting plan.

22. Acquire some CPS reports.

23. Acquire some records in Washington and Oregon.

24. Find Southwest Airline points or fundraise to get my daughter to Oregon to help a friend who's pro-choice overall but not for abortion for herself, get an abortion because of circumstance. :(

25. I guess sleep and eat somewhere in between this all.

I'm so tired.

Uh if you can help with any of this my PayPal is tashabot at gmail dot com and my. Cashapp is $tashabot. I'm so tired. I work two jobs and I'm still broke. I need a nap. I cannot nap, I need to go to work in a few hours.

[anniekong]

1) I saw the job posting and expressed my interest in applying to S.

2) S knows the hiring manager and makes the introductions via email. ( I've also reached out to others who may know him to gain insights)

3) Admin schedules the introductory meeting on the same day-it was a snow day too

4) I went to this initial introductory meeting a little underprepared to meet M

5) I went home and worked late that night. E saw that I was online and we had a quick catch up call. I told him about my day and my job search process and it turns out that M was his mentor during his time in the US. E offers to put in a good word for me.

6) I wrote a thank you note to M and inquired about the predecessor to learn more about the role.

7) It was SA and I write him a cold email and set up an initial call. I met with him to gain further insights on the role such as the day to day.

8) S puts in a good word for me explaining my performance rating in 2022 but M expresses his concerns due to lack of marketing experience and leadership skills.

9) I applied for the job and resumed working.

10) I went to Zurich to give a workshop and I saw the interview meeting pop up on my calendar for the following week. It’s a panel interview of three people in total. I shared the news with J who was co-hosting the workshop with me. She was extremely happy for me and offered to help shape my stories during my time in commercial operations. "All you have to be is yourself," she said. I wish it was that easy. We are both big believers that things happen for a reason so a rejection would not be the end of the world.

11) Exhausted after a long week, I crafted and practiced my stories on the plane ride back and continued to practice until the night before. ( Everything from my tone, hand gestures, eye contact, eyebrow twitch etc).

12) It was D-day and my first hybrid interview. I have not had an in- person interview since 2019. I had to balance looking at the screen and addressing the folks in the room. It started out well just as I've practiced. However, I was stump on questions like why should we pick you over someone else, what does success look like for you in this role, most people start from sales and work their way up to global/corporate- why are you going in the other direction, what do you hope to deliver in 18 months. I must’ve looked like a deer in headlights. They were asking me what my favorite color was and I answered 28. The interview took an hour vs the initial 45 mins meeting, which further portrayed how inefficient I was in conveying what they wanted to hear. They were challenging me and I wasn’t given them the right answers. I might have redeemed myself with the questions I’ve asked towards the end but felt defeated completely.

13) I was pretty sure I didn’t get the job at this time and shared my experiences with my work besties starting with I and sharing the questions that had stumped me and my tired and jet lag brain. “The why would they choose you is a personal branding question! You are supposed to showcase your strengths”, she said. Well it makes sense now, since you put it like that wishing that I had known that 20 minutes earlier. I took it as a learning opportunity.

14) The day after, S asked how the interview went. The corporate response for I bombed it is "This helped me understand the level of detail that is necessary to really standout in those interviews."

15) I caught up with N at the cafe and M sees me and waves at me walking in one direction. S comes walking from the opposite direction and they meet in the middle. S had asked how the interview went then and there…not awkward at all. (I found out about this later but somehow I had a feeling they were talking about me and shared my uneasiness feelings with N since it was too soon!)

16) S shared that he’s still interviewing and there’s a McKinsey consultant that they are also considering. Well that's nice… I thought. He/she will definitely be a thousand times more polish than me. S also recommended that I ask L to reach out to M to endorse me on my performance.

17) I’ve never done this before and had to double check with someone who has worked with HR to see if this is normal (I realized how risk adverse I am during this process). She convinced me that it's not only normal, but a necessity when applying internally. I wrote an email to L, having saw her and caught up with her in the office the day before.

18) L replied and to my surprise, said she was proud that I was asking for endorsement when most people shy away from it. She mentioned that she had already put in a good word for me.

19) I started applying for other jobs because I was coming to terms with not getting the job.

20) S follows up with M the following week. I’m embarrassed at this point because he was pushing for an answer and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have an answer because I got rejected.

21) 8 days from the interview date, I’m sitting at lunch with a neighboring finance team and shared my interview experience during this busy time at work. When I got to my desk, M pings me and asked if I have time to chat. I replied asap and he called me right away.

22) “I got some feedback for you,” he said. “I welcome any feedback you have,” I replied, having already made peace with myself that I will have to resume the job hunt. “ You got the role,” he said….and I haven’t stopped smiling since that moment.

I wanted to highlight the amount of effort it took to apply for one role. I could have easily gotten rejected and this process would have to occur again before I land on my next role.

I understand the power of networking, sponsorship and personal branding.

Although the future is exciting, I’m even more touched by the amount of people who are willing to help me, expecting nothing in return throughout this process- most notably, all of my sponsors ( S, L, A & E), E who is an informal mentor to me, D who consistently sent me job postings, AD who offered to help with interviewing, I connecting me to everyone she knows on the Global Oncology team. The countless number of coffee chats with the oncology marketing team who took time out of their day to educate me with nothing to gain.

I pinged I when I received the good news and she was so happy and excited for me. "You did all the magic," she said. "Not at all, it felt like a teamwork." It sure wasn't because of my stellar interviewing skills.

I’m so thankful for them and will continue to pay it forward.

As J and I agreed on, it's this cycle of good karma and positivity that will continue to expand.

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity”

A

[purplesurveys]

1510

1) What’re your plans for the weekend? I’m in the middle of it, but I didn’t plan much. All I had booked was a dental x-ray appointment Saturday morning; but my dentist wasn’t too busy so he also got to treat the issue right then and there. Apart from that, I didn’t want to do anything else this weekend because it’s been raining hard anyway and it’s the perfect weather to stay in.

2) Could you ever be vegetarian - why or why not? No. I like the taste of meat too much to give it up, but more importantly there aren’t a lot of vegetarian/vegan-friendly resorces where I live, so it’ll be largely inaccessible and expensive if you need or want to have such a lifestyle.

3) Name a quote from your favourite TV show: I don’t memorize the entire quote but I will forever love the whole spiel of Walter White to Skyler where he says he’s the guy that knocks.

4) What time did you wake up this morning? I initially woke up at 7 AM but at the time I felt like shit since I turned in for bed only three hours earlier. The next time I woke up was an hour later when we had to start preparing for Sunday mass.

5) What chores do you do around the house? Wash dishes, do the mopping and sweeping, feed the dogs and clean up anything and everything that involves them, whether it’s their food bowls or play pen trays, or the dogs themselves.

6) Do you like windchimes, or do they annoy you? I don’t find them a necessity but they’re definitely calming to hear.

7) How much sleep do you usually get a night? Around 5-6. I’m back to sleeping at around 2 AM even on weekdays, but my body seems to be fine with it even if I do have work everyday.

8) If you could have any outfit, cost not an issue, what would you get? I’d get lots of cute dresses but also stock up on oversized fit shirts. My style is definitely all over the place these days hahaha.

9) Do you play any instruments? Nah.

10) What song would you say describes your life right now? Idk if there is anything. I never listen to songs because I find them relatable.

11) Do you have snacks lying around your room? Nah. There was a half-eaten bag of salted egg chips just last week but I already was able to finish it.

12) Did you get up to much today? If it’s morning, what are your plans? Hmm, I wouldn’t say so. I was on leave today which was mainly for watching Hobi’s Lollapalooza set with friends, then I went to a coffee shop...to watch the same set all over again 😂 To be fair the Weverse stream kept crashing so there were lots of bits that we missed, so. But apart from that and Jihope’s live, I made it a point to not be productive. I did have to squeeze in work occasionally because it just couldn’t be avoided, but overall it was a day for rest and recharging. 13) What’s your favourite animal to see in the zoo? I don’t really like going to zoos and it makes me feel bad inside when I do get to visit one. But if we’re talking safaris or like ecoparks where the animals are more in their natural habitat and are better taken care of, it always excites me to see animals I’ll usually only ever see in books, like the Philippine eagle or tarsier.

14) When do you start back to school or college? Are you excited or dreading it? I don’t have plans on pursuing postgrad studies.

15) What other social networking sites are you on? Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. 16) What was the best year of your life? I wanna say 2014 and 2021 were loads of fun in their own ways. And would you look at that, a 7-year gap :) 17) What plans do you have for the rest of summer? Disregarding summer because we don’t have that ‘season,’ I don’t really make lots of big plans. I’ve been really focused on work and that’s all I want to do for now.

18) How old is the person you like right now? I don’t like anybody.

19) Do you get an allowance? How much? I’m 24 and have my own job hahaha, I haven’t gotten an allowance since I was in college and was able to physically attend classes, pre-pandemic.

20) What games console is your favourite? What about favourite game? I don’t play consoles anymore. These days my favorite game is just a mobile one lol it’s called In the Seom.

21) If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be and why? I recently read a fanfic where the author was able to describe in incredible detail what it’s like to be in a cabin in a really really remote location in New Zealand. I haven’t stopped thinking about the mental images that came from that and even ended up dreaming about it last night.

22) Do your parents nag you a lot? What about? Not so much these days since I’ve been able to tidy up as I’ve gotten older. The only things they nag me about are marriage and grandchildren...and I never really know how to respond to them when it comes up. I ultimately want both of these things for me too, but how am I supposed to tell them they nearly lost me from a breakup that went wrong in every possible way it could go wrong? There’s been lots of trauma from it that I don’t think I’ll ever be up to being in another relationship. 

Anyway, I just shut them down for now by saying that I’m focused on my career, which is true anyway. That’s usually good enough for them to back off til the next time they come back to nag me.

23) What is there on the walls of your room? Some Audrey Hepburn prints and a couple of BTS posters.

24) Is there anyone that just really annoys you? Slow drivers. 25) What are your plans for tomorrow, anything good? Just work. 26) If you could wake up tomorrow being able to do one thing perfectly, what would it be? Cook.

27) You have two wishes to make to help the world, and one can’t be “another wish” or anything similar. What wishes do you make? Continued from last night. Provide clean water for everyone, whether it’s for drinking or otherwise; and making public transportation not just free, but also modern and sustainable. 28) Do you reckon world peace is possible, or are we just too selfish? I don’t think it is. 29) Do you listen to Bright Eyes? Nope.

30) Are you interested in politics or do you just not care? I care way too much.

[crucifixes-and-chrysanthemums]

Wowza. No, wowzers. I just made a DO IT FOR HER thing for Sixto to motivate him to get better at running with Kate Marsh, so Life is Strange is on the brain. Hence, wowzers, its been a hot minute since I last journaled. 4/4/22 is my last, and today is 12/10/22. Its been a good year, I suppose. James got a DUI a few weeks ago and is going to be quitting his job at the OPWDD since his license is getting suspended pending the court hearing for some reason. Total bullshit, but whatever. Maybe I can get him into 7-Eleven. He asked if we’re taking applications. It could be nice. Anyway.

A couple weeks ago my sister went on a week long drug binge, came home, had a major bipolar episode, and got 51-50′d. That was right around the 20th of November. Whatever the previous Friday was, I think. Maybe. Anyhoo, she was there for three days. The last few weeks, she’s been at home smoking pot, going wherever she wants with dad, and smoking pot with dad. It’s fucking stupid, but what am I gonna do about it? Could be worse. As if the gulf between dad and I needed to be any wider, of course. Eh, its always sorta been me and Mom, then Tessa and dad. Stressful, but I guess it could be worse. I’m slowly beginning to hope that we’re on the mend. 

Summer was Owen’s wedding. Truth be told, I love the guy, but he’s going down the wrong path. He’s got a nice apartment in Grand Rapids, him and Stephanie, but he’s going down the grifter route and I think that's a bad idea, psychically speaking. Bad karma, or whatever. I had a great time, though, generally. I did all the driving. Got stopped for speeding once on the way there and once on the way back, and only got one ticket. I made burgers stuffed with feta and mozzarella, with a topping of chives, dijon mustard, and sour cream. Corn on the cob on the side. Simple, but neither Alex, James, nor I spoke when we ate. Just mouths opening and closing. Damn, that’s a good burger. Drank three vodka crans in an hour and a half at the reception. Prayed with Owen. Flirted a little with some girl. Danced. Gay ol’ time. James and I never got any fishing done, but such is life. 

My prayer life, as of lately, is sorta in the shits if I’m honest. Its just... Hard, man. Rosaries have never appealed to me. At the same time, I don’t feel like God has abandoned me, you know? I’m trying to make everything I do a prayer. Well, alright, I’m trying to make some of the things I do a prayer. I did just finish a book called Eternity, My Beloved by Jean Sulivan and absolutely adored it. Its about a priest in France named Jerome Strozzi (called Tonzi) who essentially becomes a caretaker to down-and-outs. He hangs around with prostitutes, never evangelizing or moralizing to them. Just telling them he loves them, and that they have dignity. That’s when he speaks, which is rarely. They reform. It made so much sense to me. The best way to evangelize, to speak Christ into others lives, is to not do so at all. Just make your faith known, and then be quiet and listen. Treat others well. Thursday, when I’d finished talking to Mike about it, I got a text from an old friend from college, Erika. She asked me if I’d gone through RCIA, because she’s considering it. I passed along Mike and Leslie’s emails. God is good, even if He and I don’t always see eye to eye.

So, speaking of that. I’ve been working on a little bit of a project as of the last while. A group for young adult Catholics in the parish and the surrounding parishes. Mike used the term “faith support group” at some point, and I like that. I picture it as a sort of “ready-made friend group”? Man, my notes are all over the place on it, honestly. I’ve got two thirds written down, on paper, another half in my phone, and a bit more in my head. Gotta get this together. Anyway, the idea in short is a group of young adults, between 18 and say 35, that meet once a week or twice a month. Spend 15 minutes or so talking about the prior week’s readings - anything speak to you? Father say anything that really struck you? Hear something you wanted? Something you didn’t? After that, just open discussion. Maybe one time someone has a topic they wanna talk about - a sin they’re struggling with, or just something they know a lot about that they want to share with the group. The idea is to address loneliness. Why do we, as young adults, feel so fuckin’ lonely? We can access the width and breadth of the human experience with our fingertips but still, lonely lonely lonely. Ready-made friend group. There’s food, of course - a whole ass meal, ideally. Pizza the first couple nights, maybe. But also homemade stuff. Don’t lead, can’t. I can, but don’t want to. Its not about any of us, its just about us. Someone being an obvious leader is a bad idea. Mike said to take pointers from how AA works, actually. Gotta find someone to talk to about that. Mutual aid, mutual aid, mutual aid. We’ve gotta organize ourselves, because nobody is gonna do it for us. And if they did, we wouldn’t want it. They’d be fakers and grifters and ideologues. Kill your leaders, I guess.

I’m actually excited for this. I think its something we really need as a church, as young people, and as young churchgoers. Plan is to start it in the bulletin Jan 1, then have the first meeting end of January or beginning of February. Hopefully it goes somewhere. Lord willing and the creek don’t rise. That seems to be my prayer pretty often - “Good Lord willin’ and the crick don’t rise.” Just because I ain’t the best at praying and He and I aren’t always the best of friends (of course, by this I mean I’m not always a good friend to Him - its all on me, man, I know that) don’t mean I don’t know how, that I don’t, or that I don’t mean it.

DnD is going good with the OperatorChan guys. It’s me, Remo, Anubis, Garde, Senseless, and HingedKilljoy, a friend of Todd’s. Todd’s DMing. We’re playing tomorrow, last session before a long holiday break. Fun fun fun. 

Oh, I’ve got a few job things coming up. Civil Service Exam for Corrections Officer later this month - that one’s online - and another for Water/Wastewater Treatment Plant Operator also this month, the 23rd. Then another for Custodian in February. They all pay more than I make now, and none are far away. Here’s to a better job - not gonna stay at Seven-Eleven forever.

Anyway, I guess that’s about it. Still single, but content with it. When I find someone, I find someone. God provides what I need.

12/10/2022

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

435 of 2022

How often do you... survey

[made @ xanga.com/surveys_for_nimrods]

HOW OFTEN DO YOU... 1. Wash your hair?: Every two days. 2. Take a shower?: Twice a day. 3. Brush your teeth?: Also twice a day. 4. Wash your work uniform?: Our company does it for us, they collect them every week and leave the washed ones in our dressing rooms. We’re going to have new uniforms soon and I’m quite excited about it :D 5. Clean out your car?: Whenever I’m bothered... yeah it’s terrible XD 6. Go to the movies?: Never, movies get me bored to death. 7. Have sex?: As rarely as possible. 8. Visit Facebook?: Never. I don’t even have an account there. 9. Take surveys?: Every other day. 10. See your mom?: Once or twice a year. 11. Go shopping?: Every week for groceries. 12. Hang with friends?: Whenever I can. 13. Wear makeup?: Never. 14. Straighten your hair?: Never. 15. Travel in an airplane?: Never. 16. Leave your country?: At least once a year. 17. Get your car washed?: Too rarely. 18. Shave your legs?: Never. 19. Go to the beach?: A few times a year, on different seasons as well. 20. Go food shopping?: Every week. 21. Go to work?: Currently two days a week, in normal circumstances my job requires 5 days a week. 22. Eat junk food?: Almost never. 23. Do your laundry?: Every week. 24. Talk to your best friend?: Every day. 25. See your significant other?: Every day. We live together. 26. Hug people?: Every day :P 27. Visit message boards?: I visit one certain forum every single day. 28. Hang out with your siblings?: I haven’t seen my sister in years. 29. Drive far distances (over an hour away)?: Every once in a while. 30. Go to amusement parks?: Twice ayear, and only because my husband does. 31. Eat candy?: Very rarely, I don’t like sweets. 32. Go to concerts?: Basically never. Flashing lights tend to torment my brain. 33. Exercise?: Five times a week, now it’s going to be three times a week, unless something changes. 34. Drink water?: Omg never. I hate water, my drinks need to have a taste. 35. Eat meat?: Almost never. Just fish or chicken every now and then. 36. Go to clubs?: A few times a year. 37. Post on Xanga?: Never, I don’t have an account there. 38. Post on Tumblr?: Almost every day on this blog, whenever I remember on my personal blog. 39. Post Facebook status updates?: Never, I don’t use Facebook. 40. Go to class?: Before involuntary hiatus, two times a week. 41. Use AIM?: Never. 42. Watch VHS tapes?: Never, are they still a thing? 43. Use CDs?: Never, but I collect them anyway. 44. Talk to your grandparents?: They’re all deceased, so. 45. Go to church/temple?: Never. 46. Pray?: Never. 47. Dye your hair?: Every once in a while. 48. Brush your hair?: I don’t really need to as it’s short. 49. Get hair cuts?: Every two months or so, if I remember. 50. Go to the mall?: We don’t have malls in my country, so once or twice a year, when I’m abroad. 51. Go to thrift shops/Goodwill?: Rarely, but I do indeed. 52. Shop online?: Quite frequently. 53. Get paid?: Once in two weeks. 54. Put gas in your car?: Whenever it starts running out. 55. Pay your bills?: Once a month, when they come. 56. Paint your nails?: Never. I don’t do feminine things. 57. Wake up in the middle of the night?: Every night. 58. Read?: Almost every day. 59. Take baths?: Rarely because we don’t have a bath, only a shower. 60. Apply deodorant?: Twice a day at least. 61. Wear skirts?: Never, I’m a guy. 62. Listen to music?: Every day. 63. Drink?: Very rarely these days. 64. Smoke?: Never. 65. Go on MySpace?: Never.

[made @ xanga.com/surveys_for_nimrods]

[bing-bang-bingo]

- 4x3: c. 40:00 Cas comforts Dean after Mary makes a deal w/ Azazel

- 4x7: 15:50 Dean stops Sam from shooting Cas, then Sam mentions that he’s “heard a lot about him”

- 4x7: 39:00 Cas tells Dean he prayed he’d save the town, then he tells him about his doubts and Deans future troubles

- 4x10 & ???: Dean calls “last night on Earth” his best line. He uses this line on Cas

- 4x10: 27:15 “Castiel has this weakness. He likes you.”

- 4x10: 32:50 Cas looking jealous and sad when Dean kisses Anna

- 4x16: 7:30 Cas tells Dean he got in trouble for showing emotion and getting to close to Dean. 8:20 “I would give anything not to have you do this”

- 4x16: 39:00 Cas warns Dean to be careful while Dean is in the hospital, they discuss the first seal and saving Dean from hell

- 4x18: 31:30 Cas tells Dean how to save Sam from Lilith even though he’s not allowed to interfere

- 4x20: 38:00 Deans face when Cas tells him he “learned his lesson when he was in heaven”

- 4x22: 30:40 Cas considers rebelling for Dean. 33:00 He does. 35:20 He fights multiple Archangels for Dean

- 5x1: 5:45 Dean denies Cas’ death 8:25 “I learned that from my friend Cas you son of a bitch”

- 5x1: 31:00 Cas saves Sam and Dean from Zach

- 5x3: 6:10 Cas-“I need your help because your the only one who will help me”

- 5x3: 10:20 Dean fixes Cas’ tie and jacket

- 5x4: 38:50 “Don’t Ever Change”

- 5x8: 38:20 Dean makes Gabriel bring Cas back, then makes sure he’s okay

- 5x13: ?:?? Cas won’t let Dean meet with Anna because it’s not safe

- 5x17: 30:30 Cas and Dean discuss what it’s like to have a deadbeat dad

- 5x18: 25:15 Cas kicks Deans ass for trying to sacrifice himself

- 5x21: 3:50 Cas and Dean bickering like and old married couple then Cas gives Dean a heartfelt apology.

- 6x17: 18:55 “No you’re confusing me with the other angel, the one in the dirty trench coat who is in love with you.”

- 6x17: 38:00 Sam: “So you killed 50,000 people for us?” Cas: *looks at Dean*

- 6x19: 25:20 Bobby reassures Cas that they’ll be back soon, Cas acts like a worried and disappointed wife.

- 6x19: 36:25 Cas yelling “Dean!” when Eve bites him

- 6x19: 40:00 Dean is the only one who doesn’t think Cas is working with Crowley (he’s wrong but it’s sweet)

- 6x20: 4:50 Dean v v worried, “But Cas you’ll call right? If you get into real trouble?”

- 6:30 Crowley implies that Cas is distracted by Dean and tells him he reeks of the Impala.

- 7:20 Cas says that Dean taught him how to care and what to care about. Then Cas saves Sam (for Dean)

- 13:15 Cas says that the worst part of working with Crowley (basically his sworn natural enemy) is that it hurt Dean and that he hated lying to him.

- 25:20 Cas refuses to ask Dean for help because he has “sacrificed too much” even though it means Cas could die.

- 26:00 Crowley tells Cas he has a way for everyone to get a happy ending “with all possible entendres intended” while Cas stares longingly at Dean.

- 33:00 Dean is close to tears when he learns that Cas is working with Crowley, Cas says he did it to protect Dean.

- 35:25 “Dammit Cas we can fix this!” “Dean it’s not broken!” He then tells the boys to run from the demon cloud and Dean gives him the saddest look in the world before being forced to leave him behind.

- 38:00 Cas watches Dean sleep. “I’m doing this for you Dean. I’m doing this because of you!”

- 6x21: 22:40 “I do everything you ask. I always come when you call and I am your friend. Still despite your lack of faith in me and now your threats I’ve just saved you yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin ever done more for you?”

- 6x22: Dean to Cas- “Don’t make me lose you, too.”

- 7x2: 5:35 Dean nearly cries on screen when he thinks Cas is dead

- 7x17: Cas says “I remember ~you~” as soon as he regains his memories.

- 7x17: Cas ask why Dean didn’t tell him all the horrible things Cas did. Parallels the conversation Karen and Dean had about telling Bobby she remembered him killing her and her telling Dean that he had never been on love before.

- 7x21: The face Dean makes when he sees Cas again plus the prolonged eye contact when Cas says Deans name.

- 7x21: Hester telling Dean that when Cas first saved him from Hell he was lost- parallels- Lucifer/Jess saying she was dead the moment she met Sam.

- 7x23: 8:50 “Go ask him. He was your boyfriend first.” Meg to Dean about Cas

- 7x23: 32:45 “I’m sorry but I’d rather have you, cursed or not.”

- 7x23: 36:50 Cas steps in to protect Dean despite spending the whole season avoiding fighting and saying he won’t fight.

- 8x2: 25:00 Cas ran away to keep the Leviathans away from Dean. Dean refuses to leave purgatory without Cas.

- 8x7: 20:30 Deans reaction to seeing Cas all cleaned up.

- 8x7: Dean convinced himself that it was his fault Cas was still in purgatory because he’s a sweet idiot boy who hates himself

- 8x7: 35:00 The whole Dean and Cas conversation about purgatory and Cas doing stuff that puts him in danger.

- 8x8: 12:30 Cas just casually going through Deans stuff and Dean not saying anything.

- 8x8: 13:00 Cas offering to watch over Dean while he slept

- 8x8: 15:15 Dean talks to Cas about feelings and heaven even though Dean hates talking about feelings.

- 8x17: Cas fights Naomi’s mind control for Dean

- 8x23: 22:50 Dean and Cas sadly discuss Cas closing the doors of heaven and say goodbye

- 9x1: Dean prays to Cas and tells him he isn’t mad about the angels falling.

- 9x1: Cas’ first instinct is to explain himself to Dean then to come help him.

- 9x1: Dean begs Cas to “for once, look out for yourself.”

- 9x3: 36:45 Dean to Cas after Cas came back from the dead “Don’t you ever do that again!”

- 9x6: Literally just Dean trying desperately the whole episode to hang out with Cas

- 9x10: 26:00 Dean and Cas talk about how Cas is doing and Dean offers him a rare sincere apology. Plus the “I prefer the term ‘trusting’. Less dumb, less ass.” dialogue

- 9x18: Cas’ little smile when Dean makes a joke about Honor Bars and Cas is just so happy to hear his voice.

- 9x18: Metatron’s illusion of Gabriel calls Cas Dean’s boy-toy

- 9x18: Cas can tell something is wrong with Dean, then Cas yells at Dean about getting the Mark of Cain

- 9x22: Cas chooses Dean over all of Heaven once again

- 9x22: The Cas and Dean conversation about the three of them being enough when an army wasn’t and Cas giving up an army all for Dean

- 9x23: “I’m blaming you for taking Cas’ grace.”

- 10x1: 5:00 Cas about Dean- “I miss him.”

- 10x2: 9:00 Cas’ reaction to learning that Dean is a demon

- 10x3: The conversation between Dean and Cas at the end of the episode. “You look terrible” “You on the other hand, your looking good.”

- 10x5: Deans reaction to Cas and Dean actors hugging and holding hands

- 10x5: “Put as much sub into that text as you possibly can.” *looks directly at fake Cas*

- 10x9: 15:00 Cas tells Dean he’s a good role model. Then asks him if he’s okay and when Dean lies and says he is he pushes it further. Dean makes Cas promise to kill him if he goes Dark

- 10x22: Dean and Cas fight and parallel Cain and his Wife.

- 10x23: Dean sees Cas’ bloody face in the mirror

- 11x1: Cas being more worried about Dean than himself even though Cas is under a spell that will kill him.

- 11x2: Dean calling Cas and stressing out when he doesn’t answer

- 11x3: Dean trying to coax Cas out of the attack dog spell, refusing to fight back when Cas was attacking, freaking out when Cas took a minute to wake up, refusing to let Cas heal him (because he “had it coming”), and refusing to let Cas apologize (because “there’s nothing to apologize for”).

- 11x10: “Dean, I came as soon as you called.” Also: “Stick your tongue out.” Dean-*does*

- 11x11: Dean realizing that something is wrong with Cas (while he is possessed by Lucifer)

- 11x11: Mildred says that Dean is pining for someone else(probably meant to be a reference to Amara, but she told him this after he had seen Cas for the first time in a few days.)

- 11x14: The sadness on Deans face when he realizes Cas is Lucifer and then his determination to save Cas

- 11x15: Dean getting kinda dark when he talks about what he’s willing to do to save Cas and he prioritizes saving Cas over bearing Amara.

- 11x17: Dean once again prioritizing saving Cas over saving the world. Sam reassuring Dean that they’ll save Cas (even though Dean didn’t say anything about what was upsetting him)

- 11x17: The camera zooming in on Dean after Michelle says that there is no normal after losing the man you love.

- 11x18: Dean refuses to put Lucifer in the cage or let him fight Amara while using Cas as his vessel.

- 11x18: The difference in the way Dean looks at Lucifer vs at Cas

- 11x18: Dean about Cas: “Lets go find that idiot and bring him home.”

- 11x19: Dean has been looking for leads non stop for a week since Amara took Cas

- 11x21: Amara uses Cas’s heart to find Dean, then shows Dean images of Cas beaten and bloodied to convince him to turn against Chuck

- 11x23: Dean’s face when he realizes Cas is back and Lucifer is gone.

- 11x23: Dean tells Cas he isn’t stupid and that he always helps

- 11x23: Cas: “Dean are you okay? How do you feel?”

- 11x23: Cas hugging Dean super tight before he goes off to die. Dean entrusting his life’s purpose (look after Sam) then thanking him for everything.

- 12x1: Cas seeing that Dean is alive and hugging him while his voice breaks.

- 12x1: Cas taking the job Dean have him very seriously

- 12x2: Dean adorably venting to Cas about his mommy-issues

- 12x3: Dean- “Morning sunshine want some coffee.” Cas- “No thank you.”

- 12x7: “Well at least I don’t look like a lumberjack.” They are such husbands

- 12x7: “Engaged in what Cas? killing you?”

- 12x8: Cas being so worried about what happened to Sam and DEAN that Kelly escaped.

- 12x9: Mary-“You left them!” Cas- *voice breaking* “Dean told me to go!” Also, just Cas looking so hard for them.

- 12x9: Cas blaming himself for Sam and Dean being taken

- 12x9 Cas knowing how long the boys have been gone down to the hour.

- 12x9: Cas’s voice and eyes when he hears Dean’s voice on the phone.

- 12x9: Cas killing Billie because “You mean too much to me” and “The world needs as many Winchesters as it can get.”

- 12x10: Poor Sam having to deal with Cas and Dean while they fight like an old married couple.

- 12x10: Dean immediately telling Ishim to go to hell when he insults Cas

- 12x10: Sam telling Dean to go to Cas when Dean thought Cas was in trouble

- 12x10: Cas immediately believing Dean about Ishim even though they’re mad at each other. Dean about to let Ishim kill him to save Cas.

- 12x10: Ishim comparing Dean and Cas’s relationship to Ishims relationship with his human lover, then saying he was going to cut Cas’s human weakness

- 12x11: “And Cas is my best friend.”

- 12x12: Dean about Cas- “My shy but devastatingly handsome friend here...”

- 12x12: Dean stressing out and voice breaking as he tries to comfort poisoned Cas

- 12x12: LITERALLY TOLD DEAN THAT HE LOVED HIM WHILE CAS WAS DYING

- 12x12: *looking at Dean* “I love you.” Then adds “I love all of you”

- 12x12: Cas- “Run.” Dean- “Cas, no.”

- 12x12: The look Dean gives Cas when he won’t stop staring at him after he’s healed.

- 12x14: Dean says some very harsh stuff to Mary after finding out the reason they Cas almost died at the lake house was because Mary was working for the British Men of Letters

- 12x15: Dean could tell something was up with Cas after talking to him for less than a minute, over the phone.

- 12x18: Sam trying to make Dean feel better about not hearing from Cas.

- 12x19: Dean literally always acting like a scorned wife when Cas comes back after long periods of time

- 12x19: Dean made Cas a mixtape

- 12x19: Cas- “I ~needed~ to came back here with a win for you.”

- 12x19: Cas- *gesturing between Dean and himself* “You mean... we?” Dean- “Yes, dumbass, we.”

- 12x23: Dean screaming for Cas when he attacks Lucifer and trying to chase after him forcing Sam to drag Dean back through the rift. A direct parallel to Dean pulling Sam away from Jess and the fire in Pilot

- 12x23: Dean kneeling next to Cas’s dead body looking up at the sky completely devastated.

- 13x1: Dean couldn’t bring himself to say dead when referring to Cas

- 13x1: Dean PRAYED to GOD to bring Cas back

- 13x1: “We just lost ~everything~. And now you’re gonna bring ~him~ back.”

- 13x1: Dean personally wrapping Cas’s body and giving him a hunters funeral.

- 13x1: The look of complete devastation on Dean’s face when he burns Cas’s body.

- 13x3: Dean refusing to help save Jack because he blames him for manipulating Cas and getting him killed.

- 13x4: The Empty to Cas: “I know what you love, what you fear. There is nothing for you back there.” He loves Dean and Cas fears that Dean doesn’t love him back.

- 13x5: Sam being worried about Dean who has given up all hope since Cas died.

- 13x5: Dean being so distressed thinking Cas is gone forever that he tries to kill himself

- 13x5: Dean seeing Cas alive again and they both have tears in their eyes.

- 13x6: Dean hugging Cas and saying he’s been gone for “too damn long”

- 13x6: Dean being immediately happier and nicer to everyone once Cas is back

- 13x6: Cas saying “Yes. Yes, he does” (in response to Jack saying Dean really likes cowboys) with the tone of an exhausted spouse.

- 13x6: “I told you, he’s an angry sleeper. Like a bear.”

- 13x6: Dean made Cas watch Tombstone with him.

- 13x6: Dean and Cas dresses like cowboy husbands.

- 13x6: Cas saying “I’m your huckleberry” to Dean in a deep accent and Dean looking away.

- 13x6: Their undercover names are Russel and Kilmer

- 13x14: The whole scene where Cas and Dean fight Gog/Magog and act like an old married couple.

- 13x14: The angry, dark look Cas gives Donatello when he tries to kill Dean

- 13x16: “Dean has him by the thigh!” Cas, jealously: “He ~what~?”

- 13x16: “and that includes the Cartwright twins.” Cas, again jealously: “what did you do with the Cartwright twins?”

- 13x19: Cas angrily confronting Naomi about forcing him to kill a bunch of Dean clones.

- 13x21: Cas secretly sliding Dean more pizza when Mary and Sam left the room.

- 13x21: Cas having to hold Dean back from going after Sam. Dean would have beat the shit out of anyone else who tried to stop him.

- 13x23: Cas trying to stop Dean from giving himself to Michael even if it meant losing Sam AND Jack

- 13x23: Cas sitting alone in the bum jet with tears in his eyes after Dean left

- 14x1: Demon: “How is it you lost Dean. I thought you two were joined at the... everything.”

- 14x1: Dean trying to save Cas from Lucifer then vs Cas trying to save Dean from Michael now

- 14x3: The look that Dean and Cas give each other when Dean comes home.

- 14x9: Cas almost being happy seeing Dean happy. And then having to force himself to not be happy so he doesn’t die.

- 14x12: Cas being phased at Dean for wanting to put himself in the box with Michael forever

- 14x14: Cas is the only Dean will let talk to him about Michael and be honest about how Dean feels

- 14x14: “No, it’s on us.”

- 14x14: Cas’s voice breaking when he talks about the possibility of Dean dying one day.

- 14x18: The pure self loathing in Cas’s eyes when he feels like he failed Dean by not telling him about Jack’s soul.

- 15x2: “You asked ‘what about all of this is real?’ We are.” THE MOST ROMANTIC LINE EVER. (Plus later Eileen and Sam have the same conversation but they get to kiss because homophobia)

- 15x9- 20:00 Dean said that they lost everyone they cared about, then added Cas specifically. Then he says “I had to bury him” not “we”

- 15x9- 23:00 Dean cries when he can’t find Cas. Then he prays to him and apologizes for letting him go. He falls to his knees praying to him and fully crying

- 15x12: “I created the world.” *shows Destiel*

- 15x15: This time when Dean sees Cas leaving the bunker, he stops him. (In reference to Cas saying “you didn’t stop me” when Dean got mad at him for leaving)

- 15x16: This is the the only version of Cas that rebelled for Dean. This universe is literally being saved repeatedly because of Cas’s love for Dean

- 15x18: CAS CONFESSES HIS LOVE TO DEAN then goes to mega hell for being gay

Anyway, Cas loves Dean and Dean LOVES HIM BACK, OKAY?!?!? Feel free to add more

[prismatictaemin]

Without You (Taemin Ver.)

Pairing: Taemin x Reader

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fluff

Warnings: None

WC: 1.61k

Summary: Taemin had already been worried about your work week, but when you really get sick, he makes sure he’s by your side through it all.

Find the original version of this fic here, and my main blog here.

“It’s just hard.” You flop down face-first into your bedcovers, Taemin on the phone.

“y/n-ah, are you sure you’re going to make it through the week? Have you thought of taking a few more days off?” He asks through the line.

“I’m just tired, nothing I won’t get over,” you reason with him, turning over to look at the drywall on your ceiling.

“You sure? I’m getting worried about you,” he continues.

“Yes. You don’t have to worry about me. Get some sleep, Taem. I’ll talk to you when you’re back.” You hang up the phone without another word and go to sleep, dreaming of annoying work projects and a lack of your friend, Taemin.

The next morning you wake up sick and groggy, headache accompanying you. You roll over to check the time and see you’ve overslept three hours from the start time of your job. “Shit!” You exclaim and text your boss, saying you can’t log on since you’re feeling unwell.

With the time you now have to spend in bed all day, you check your notifications. 8 are from Taemin, 4 from Kibum, and another 2 from Minho.

K: y/n Taemin is going crazy you need to stop him (7:41)

K: He’s insisting you’ve died or something cause you aren’t awake (7:42)

K: You should text him I think he’s coming to your house (8:45)

K: I sent him with Kimchi at least (8:49)

y/n: Omg tell him not to come I just got sick and overslept (10:12)

y/n: I’m fine (10:13)

M: Taemin came home early from his concerts I think (8:37)

M: Update me if you see him (8:37)

y/n: Will do! (10:24)

T: y/n wake up (5:38)

T: I came home early to see you (5:39)

T: It’s 7 am now y/n why haven’t you read them (7:16)

T: Come on don’t treat your best friend this way hehehe (7:18)

T: Im gonna come to your apartment and wait outside (8:46)

T: Kibum gave me Kimchi to bring (8:47)

T: y/n I’m getting worried you should be working now (9:03)

T: Are you okay? (9:52)

You drag yourself out of bed and try to get to the door. You rub your eyes as you turn the handle, Taemin’s sleeping figure slumping into your doorway. He had sat outside and slept, waiting. How cute, you thought to yourself. “Hey, mister,” you ruffle his hair and nudge him awake. A cough rises up in your chest and you stand, head diving into your arm to contain it.

He opens his eyes to see you standing over him, hacking. “Hey, y/n, why are you coughing? Did you get sick?” He scrambles to his feet and presses his hand to your forehead. “You’re burning up, jesus,” he says, ushering you back to bed.

“I’m fine,” you assure him, trying to walk to the kitchen with weakened limbs. “y/n, you literally just coughed up a storm when I showed up.” Taemin says, setting the kimchi from outside on the counter. “I’m making soup, go lay back down or I’ll make you.”

“You’re the worst, I love you,” you smile, grabbing a blanket from the couch. “But I’m not eating in bed. Is the couch okay?” You ask. “What am I saying, this is my damn house!” You flop onto the couch and try to get as warm as possible under the blanket.

You drift off to sleep while Taemin cooks, feeling cold. He, on the other hand, works up a sweat preparing kimchi stew for you. He hums the tune of I Think It’s Love while he ladles some into a bowl. “It’s ready!” He calls softly. When you don’t respond, he walks into the living room to find you passed out and tucked under the blanket. “Silly y/n, always falling asleep,” he talks to himself.

Taemin kneels down in front of you and looks at your features. He knew he could never tell you how much he really felt for you, how he just wanted to stay by your side forever and love you. Stuck in the friend zone. That was how it was and would stay, he convinced himself of it. “y/n, why must you be so perfect?” He whispers to himself, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear.

You stir in your sleep at the coldness you feel. Your eyes open slowly to be greeted by Taemin’s eyes looking directly back at yours. You notice his hand by your ear and he quickly flinches away, stumbling over his words. “S-Sorry, you just looked like you were overheated, and I was checking your te-“

“It’s fine, Taem,” you reply, ruffling his hair. “I appreciate you looking out for me.”

“Do you want soup? It finished a little while ago,” he says, standing and rubbing the back of his neck.

“Of course I want soup!” You get a bit too enthusiastic and go into a small coughing fit. Taemin panics and rubs your back, supporting you through it.

“Yes, alright, I’ll get you some.” He stands and walks to the kitchen, shortly returning with a bowl of kimchi soup.

You take the bowl in your hands and brush off his warning that it’s hot, immediately putting your mouth around the burning spoon. “Shit!” you exclaim, putting the bowl down quickly.

“I’ll get some ice cubes,” he hurriedly opens the freezer and pulls some out of the tray before coming back to you. “Here, suck on one of these,” he holds it out to your lips. You wrap them around the ice obediently, groaning a little at the coolness on your tongue soothing the burn.

“y-y/n, you- do you feel better?” Taemin’s cheeks flush at your reaction to the ice. You nod up at him and he flops down next to you on the couch, petting your head. “I’m sorry I couldn’t take care of you so well today, I just got home and I didn’t think you would be so sick like this,” he sighs.

You meet his eyes as he looks down at you, sadness prominent in them. “Don’t be upset, I’m just glad you’re here Taeminnie.” You sit up and face him, pouting slightly. His eyes begin to go wide as you give him a peck on the cheek. “Consider it payment, okay? At least until I can give you something more.” You smile and rest your head back on his leg.

“Okay.” He responds in a whisper, focusing his eyes to the movie he put on earlier.

It becomes background noise as you stare at the underside of his face. His chin forms a point and his hair is a small puff slightly protruding from the outline. “Taeminnie?” You ask. He looks down at you and knits his eyebrows. “Will you stay over tonight?”

“Will I what?” He pulls his airpod out of his ear that had been obscured from your vision.

“Oh,” your face falls and you lose confidence. “Nevermind, it’s not important,” you smile softly and turn your head to the movie. He tilts his head before running his hand up and down your arm and redirecting his attention.

The two of you lay down there for the rest of the night until Taemin suggests you should get to bed. He had insisted you needed rest and he would be there until you fell asleep.

“Goodnight, y/n-ah. Text me if you need anything, alright?” He tucks you in and places a glass of water by your bed. “Sleep well.”

“Goodnight, Taeminnie,” you snuggle into the covers and shut your eyes before his footsteps fade.

When he’s questioning if you’ve fallen asleep he ventures back to the room to make sure. He finds you to be passed out and breathing softly. Underneath what he sees, though, is a taunting nightmare. Taemin is nowhere to be found when you lose your family member’s life, he won’t respond to your texts, and when he does he only says that he wants to cut it off. Your eyes shoot open in terror. “y/n? Are you okay?” Taemin leans down from where he was standing and places his hand on your leg, unconsciously assuring you that he’s here.

“Y-Yeah, I’m okay, just… had a nightmare. You’re still here?” You question, sure you’d slept for a while.

“It’s only been an hour. I was about to leave, but came to check on you before.”

“Stay,” you blurt it out without thinking, instantly covering your mouth with your hand.

“You want me to?” He asks casually, sitting on the bed. “What was your nightmare about, then?”

You blush intensely. “It was about you.”

“Was it?” He teases, scooting to be on your other side. “What happened?”

“You weren’t my friend anymore,” you utter out, tears pricking your eyes.

“Hey, don’t cry, we’ll always be friends until you don’t want to.” Taemin lays down and wraps his arm around your waist. “I’ll always be here for you.” Your eyes find his and you look for any sign of what desperation you’re feeling in them. They dart down to his lips for a half second too long, just enough for him to realize and look down at yours before you trade glances at one another. He leans in slowly and your lips meet each others, entangling comfortably.

You share a clash of teeth and tongue, but it’s not needy or rushed. Taemin breaks away and pulls you closer to him. “Am I still dreaming?” You ask, exhaling.

“No, you’re not, y/n-ah.”

“You’ll be here when I wake up?”

“Of course, sleep well my love.” You shut your eyes and drift off, having the most soundless sleep you’d experienced in years.

[cloudytaemin]

Without You

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fluff

Warnings: None

WC: 1.61k

Summary: Chan had already been worried about your work week, but when you really get sick, he makes sure he’s by your side through it all.

Taglist: @taerzannie @taemin-jaemin @aquawol

”It’s just busy.” You flop down face-first into your bedcovers, Chan on the phone.

“y/n, are you sure you’re going to make it through the week? Have you thought of taking a few more days off?” He asks through the line.

“I’m just tired, nothing I won’t get over,” you reason with him, turning over to look at the drywall on your ceiling.

“You sure? I’m getting worried about you,” he continues.

“Yes. You don’t have to worry about me. Get some sleep, Channie. I’ll talk to you when you’re back.” You hang up the phone without another word and go to sleep, dreaming of annoying work projects and a lack of your friend, Chan.

The next morning you wake up sick and groggy, headache accompanying you. You roll over to check the time and see you’ve overslept three hours from the start time of your job. “Shit!” You exclaim and text your boss, saying you can’t log on since you’re feeling unwell.

With the time you now have to spend in bed all day, you check your notifications. 8 are from Chan, 4 from Felix, and another 2 from Minho.

F: y/n Chan is going crazy you need to stop him (7:41)

F: He’s insisting you’ve died or something cause you aren’t awake (7:42)

F: You should text him I think he’s coming to your house (8:45)

F: I sent him with kimchi at least (8:49)

y/n: Omg tell him not to come I just got sick and overslept (10:12)

y/n: I’m fine (10:13)

M: Chan came home early from his concerts I think (8:37)

M: Update me if you see him (8:37)

y/n: Will do! (10:24)

C: y/n wake up (5:38)

C: I came home early to see you (5:39)

C: It’s 7 am now y/n why haven’t you read them (7:16)

C: Come on don’t treat your best friend this way hehehe (7:18)

C: Im gonna come to your apartment and wait outside (8:46)

C: Felix gave me Kimchi to bring (8:47)

C: y/n I’m getting worried you should be working now (9:03)

C: Are you okay? (9:52)

You drag yourself out of bed and try to get to the door. You rub your eyes as you turn the handle, Chan’s sleeping figure slumping into your doorway. He had sat outside and slept, waiting. How cute, you thought to yourself. “Hey, mister,” you ruffle his hair and nudge him awake. A cough rises up in your chest and you stand, head diving into your arm to contain it.

He opens his eyes to see you standing over him, hacking. “Hey, y/n, why are you coughing? Did you get sick?” He scrambles to his feet and presses his hand to your forehead. “You’re burning up, jesus,” he says, ushering you back to bed.

“I’m fine,” you assure him, trying to walk to the kitchen with weakened limbs.

“y/n, you literally just coughed up a storm when I showed up.” Chan says, setting the kimchi from outside on the counter. “I’m making soup, go lay back down or I’ll make you.”

“You’re the worst, I love you,” you smile, grabbing a blanket from the couch. “But I’m not eating in bed. Is the couch okay?” You ask. “What am I saying, this is my damn house!” You flop onto the couch and try to get as warm as possible under the blanket.

You drift off to sleep while Chan cooks, feeling cold. He, on the other hand, works up a sweat preparing kimchi stew for you. He hums the tune of Thunderous while he ladles some into a bowl. “It’s ready!” He calls softly. When you don’t respond, he walks into the living room to find you passed out and tucked under the blanket. “Silly y/n, always falling asleep,” he talks to himself.

Chan kneels down in front of you and looks at your features. He knew he could never tell you how much he really felt for you, how he just wanted to stay by your side forever and love you. Stuck in the friend zone. That was how it was and would stay, he convinced himself of it. “y/n, why must you be so perfect?” He whispers to himself, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear.

You stir in your sleep at the coldness you feel. Your eyes open slowly to be greeted by Chan’s eyes looking directly back at yours. You notice his hand by your ear and he quickly flinches away, stumbling over his words. “S-Sorry, you just looked like you were overheated, and I was checking your te-“

“It’s fine, Channie,” you reply, ruffling his hair. “I appreciate you looking out for me.”

“Do you want soup? It finished a little while ago,” he says, standing and rubbing the back of his neck.

“Of course I want soup!” You get a bit too enthusiastic and go into a small coughing fit. Chan panics and rubs your back, supporting you through it.

“Yes, alright, I’ll get you some.” He stands and walks to the kitchen, shortly returning with a bowl of kimchi soup.

You take the bowl in your hands and brush off his warning that it’s hot, immediately putting your mouth around the burning spoon. “Shit!” you exclaim, putting the bowl down quickly.

“I’ll get some ice cubes,” he hurriedly opens the freezer and pulls some out of the tray before coming back to you. “Here, suck on one of these,” he holds it out to your lips. You wrap them around the ice obediently, groaning a little at the coolness on your tongue soothing the burn.

“y-y/n, you- do you feel better?” Chan’s cheeks flush at your reaction to the ice.

You nod up at him and he flops down next to you on the couch, petting your head. “I’m sorry I couldn’t take care of you so well today, I just got home and I didn’t think you would be so sick like this,” he sighs.

You meet his eyes as he looks down at you, sadness prominent in them. “Don’t be upset, I’m just glad you’re here Channie.” You sit up and face him, pouting slightly. His eyes begin to go wide as you give him a peck on the cheek. “Consider it payment, okay? At least until I can give you something more.” You smile and rest your head back on his leg.

“Okay.” He responds in a whisper, focusing his eyes to the movie he put on earlier.

It becomes background noise as you stare at the underside of his face. His chin forms a point and his hair is a small puff slightly protruding from the outline. “Chan?” You ask. He looks down at you and knits his eyebrows. “Will you stay over tonight?”

“Will I what?” He pulls his airpod out of his ear that had been obscured from your vision.

“Oh,” your face falls and you lose confidence. “Nevermind, it’s not important,” you smile softly and turn your head to the movie.

He tilts his head before running his hand up and down your arm and redirecting his attention.

The two of you lay down there for the rest of the night until Chan suggests you should get to bed. He had insisted you needed rest and he would be there until you fell asleep.

“Goodnight, y/n-ah. Text me if you need anything, alright?” He tucks you in and places a glass of water by your bed. “Sleep well.”

“Goodnight, Channie,” you snuggle into the covers and shut your eyes before his footsteps fade.

When he’s questioning if you’ve fallen asleep he ventures back to the room to make sure. He finds you to be passed out and breathing softly. Underneath what he sees, though, is a taunting nightmare. Chan is nowhere to be found when you lose your family member’s life, he won’t respond to your texts, and when he does he only says that he wants to cut it off. Your eyes shoot open in terror. “y/n? Are you okay?” Chan leans down from where he was standing and places his hand on your leg, unconsciously assuring you that he’s here.

“Y-Yeah, I’m okay, just… had a nightmare. You’re still here?” You question, sure you’d slept for a while.

“It’s only been an hour. I was about to leave, but came to check on you before.”

“Stay,” you blurt it out without thinking, instantly covering your mouth with your hand.

“You want me to?” He asks casually, sitting on the bed. “What was your nightmare about, then?”

You blush intensely. “It was about you.”

“Was it?” He inquires, scooting to be on your other side. “What happened?”

“You weren’t my friend anymore,” you utter out, tears pricking your eyes.

“Hey, don’t cry, we’ll always be friends until you don’t want to.” Chan lays down and wraps his arm around your waist. “I’ll always be here with you.”

Your eyes find his and you look for any sign of what desperation you’re feeling in them. They dart down to his lips for a half second too long, just enough for him to realize and look down at yours before you trade glances at one another. He leans in slowly and your lips meet each others, entangling comfortably.

You share a clash of teeth and tongue, but it’s not needy or rushed. Something similar to a lovers’ embrace.

Chan breaks away and pulls you closer to him. “Am I still dreaming?” You ask, exhaling.

“No, you’re not, y/n. If you’re dreaming then I am too, and I don’t want to wake up in that case.”

“You’ll be here when I wake up?”

“Of course I will! Sleep well, y/n.” You shut your eyes and drift off, having the most soundless sleep you’d experienced in years. As he himself drifts off, he whispers one last line. “I’d never be without you.”

[jackrrabbit]

it will come back [pt. 2] /// Yandere Shigaraki x f!Reader

Summary: You have a bad habit of picking up strays, and the half-dead villain you find bleeding out in a dumpster is no exception. [Part 1] [Part 3]

A/N: Title from the Hozier song—“don’t let it in with no intention to keep it / jesus christ, don’t be kind to it / oh honey don’t feed it / it will come back.”

Tags/warnings: yandere, violence (not directed toward reader), crying, Shiggy REALLY likes you, reader needs a friend and a good night’s sleep, non-explicit sexual content. [In later parts: 18+, sex, other stuff]

He—Tomura—keeps visiting.

At first you think it’s because of the free medical care, and you wish you had the spine to tell him to suck it up and go see a professional. After a couple weeks turn into a couple months and his wounds fade into ragged purple scars, though, you start to think differently.

Within a short time Tomura has figured out your work schedule, and he does a decent job of not showing up after your long shifts. The unavoidable consequence of this is that he ends up monopolizing your precious days off, but you come to the realization about a month and a half in that you don’t actually mind. You like it. It’s like spending time with a friend.

Mostly you guys talk. It doesn’t seem like Tomura really has anyone to talk to the way the two of you do, but that’s probably just you projecting. It’s usually shallow stuff—TV shows you like, video games he plays, funny stories from patients you treated. Sometimes when you’re cooking for yourself, you make extra for him. (It happens a lot, actually, and at one point you bring up how much his appetite is costing you and the next time you see him he brings a bag of rice and makes you a porridge that crunches between your teeth when you try to eat it. You can’t finish yours, but he eats an entire bowl and insists that you’re being picky.)

Sometimes he sleeps over on the couch, but he’s always gone when you wake up.

The two of you skirt around the heavier stuff, and you know it’s intentional on his part. You have to resist the urge to ask him about being a villain—he’s all but confirmed it for you, and it’s human nature to be curious, isn’t it? In the same way you can’t help looking at a car crash, you want to poke and prod and find out what it is, exactly, that Tomura does for a living. That part of his life is suspiciously absent from your discussions—if you didn’t know better, you’d think he spends all of his time sleeping and playing games and breaking into your place.

On the other hand, you don’t want to know. Plausible deniability. You can accept criminality in the abstract, but you’ve treated too many victims of the bullshit hero–villain battle to be comfortable really knowing why Tomura avoids public places.

So you don’t ask about it, and Tomura doesn’t tell, and you don’t look up his name. And it’s easy. It’s nice. You’d forgotten what it’s like to come back to a home that isn’t empty.

And then one day when you get off a few hours early from your shift, you stop by a convenience store to pick up some snacks for yourself (hey, you’ve been working hard, you’re entitled to binge a little on foods that you’re afraid to look at the fat content for), and you think, Hm, I wonder if Tomura wants some.

[You: 7:49 PM] > Are you coming over today? [T: 7:49 PM] > Yeah why [You: 7:51 PM] > Getting snacks > Want some? [T: 7:51 PM] > No

[T: 8:12 PM] > When r u coming back to ur place

[T: 8:58 PM] > Hey where are you

[T: 9:39 PM] > (Y/N)?

There’s a man with a gun in the convenience store.

It takes you a second to process at first. You’re standing in the snack food aisle seeking out Oreos and debating the merits of Double Stuf vs. Mega when you catch the mumbled demand and the metallic clicking noise you’ve only ever heard in movies before. It’s a gun—you know that, but your mind dismisses it because it’s ridiculous. Guns are rare in hero society. People don’t go around robbing bodegas at gunpoint anymore.

(You should know better. You work in a goddamn ER. But you compartmentalize, and the crimes you see written across your patients’ bodies stay out of the realm of your personal life because you need them to.)

It’s only when you see the muzzle of a hunting rifle pushed up to the cashier’s sweaty neck that you really understand what’s happening.

You drop to the ground immediately, looking toward the exit but it’s shut and there’s some kind of metal…thing holding the door closed. The cashier mumbles a denial and you can hear him fumble around with the cash drawer for what feels like ages.

It’s real. This is real. You’re in the middle of a robbery. Where are the heroes? Why isn’t anyone doing anything?

God, you’re a hypocrite, cowering behind the aisle divider and waiting for someone to step up while the robber’s demands get increasingly louder and more frantic. He wants money, and the cashier (who, you remember, is a man in his sixties with hands that shake with Parkinson’s when he holds out your receipt) isn’t being fast enough.

“That’s it? There’s no more? Are you fucking kidding me, there’s gotta be a safe or something—“

“No! No, p-please, I’m sorry, this is all I have!”

You cringe, crushing your eyes closed as if that will make it go away. You’re surprised you can hear at all over the sound of your blood rushing in your ears.

“Don’t fuck with me old man, I know there’s more! Show me the safe or I’ll blow your goddamn brains out!”

No! You have to do something. You can’t just sit here. You’ve heard plenty of death threats from your patients (not to mention that one from Tomura), and you know the difference between a bluff and a serious warning. Maybe you can catch the robber off guard, try to pull the gun away? You stand up quickly, hoping against hope that you won’t regret this, but in a split second you see that the cashier has the same idea and he’s trying to pull the rifle out of the robber’s hand and—

BANG.

Something warm and wet splatters across your face.

///

Tomura is angry when you get back to the apartment. As soon as he hears your key in the lock he rises from your couch so he can grab your collar with three fingers, jerking your head up to force you to look at him. “Where have you been? Do you know how long I’ve been waiting—“

But he cuts short in the middle of his sentence. Maybe because he sees the look on your face. Or maybe he just notices the traces of blood you haven’t been able to wipe off.

“What happened,” Tomura says. It’s not a question. He adjusts his grip slightly so it’s not quite as punishing, but you hold still anyway.

You have to force your mouth open in order to speak, but when your voice comes out it’s more steady than you thought it would be. “It’s not my blood. There was a robbery at the store. The cashier got shot.”

“Oh.” He releases you and frowns. “That’s it?”

“Fuck you.” You push past him into the kitchen to get yourself a drink with trembling hands. Pantry’s out of shōchū, whiskey will just make you sicker—ahh, there it is. Baijiu. The glug glug glug of the liquor into the glass does nothing to put your nerves at ease, but you pour yourself a double anyway.

“Wait—wait.” Tomura’s hands twitch and rub over his arms like he’s trying to stop himself from grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking you. “Calm down. Why are you so upset? Don’t you see this stuff every day?”

You do. You’re an ER nurse. There’s no injury you haven’t seen. But it’s not about the blood. “I...I knew him. The cashier. He was nice. He had a grandkid on the way. I—“ You bite your lip and down the baijiu in one gulp. It burns.

Tomura clearly doesn’t know how to comfort you; probably doesn’t even really know why you need to be comforted. What does it mean that death is so meaningless to him? you wonder. But you need someone to listen to you, clueless or not, and Tomura will have to do.

The baijiu is still bitter and hot down your throat when you speak again. “You know something? Know what they asked me when the heroes finally showed up and pulled us out of there, me and the corpse?”

“…What?” Tomura asks warily.

“They stuck a camera in my face and asked me if there was anything I wanted to say to the hero who saved me. Any words of gratitude I wanted to share,” you spit. Now it’s your turn to feel your hands making fists at your sides. Your fingernails scratch into your palms like the pain can be an outlet for the sudden overwhelming fury spilling over you. “They didn’t save him. They were too late.”

Tomura’s eyes widen, and through your curtain of anger you can tell he’s looking at you in a way he’s never looked at you before. It’s unlike him to even look directly at you, and when he does it’s usually in disinterest or half-sincere irritation. This, though…this is different. He’s watching you like a believer watches a prophet. You can tell—or at least some deep, ugly part of you that you hope is wrong can tell—that he’s trying not to smile.

“I hate this,” you say, and the first tear drips out of your eye and runs down your cheek. It’s awful. You don’t want to cry in front of Tomura. You don’t want to show him how weak you are. But before you can wipe it away, Tomura’s hand comes up and does it for you, smearing the tear over your cheek in a gesture that—for him—is oddly tender.

Then he hugs you.

It’s stiff and awkward, like he’s forgotten how to do it, but the intention is clear. His arms fold around your back, pulling you into his chest while his chin makes its way to rest on your shoulder. He’s leaning into you so deeply that your spine is arched back, and you stagger away from him only for him to step closer again to make up the distance.

“It’s not fair, hm,” he murmurs into your hair. His tone is the closest thing to sympathy you’ve ever heard from him, but there’s an undercurrent of excitement you can’t ignore. “They’re always too late, aren’t they? The heroes… And everyone will watch that video of you thanking the heroes, and they’ll think they’re safe too. They’ll keep going about their lives and think that nothing bad can happen to them because a hero will always be around to save them…but you and I know that’s a lie.”

It takes you a second to recognize the emotion that’s raising goosebumps over your arms while Tomura rubs circles into your back, but when it clicks you shiver because it’s fear. You’ve never really been afraid of Tomura before, even when you should’ve been. Does he realize he’s backing you up with how forcefully he’s pushing himself into you? The backs of your knees hit the arm of your couch and you topple onto it with Tomura following.

He holds himself above you on his hands, legs tangled with yours. His eyes are wild and he’s not even trying to suppress his grin now. You’re trapped lying on your back under him—pinned like a butterfly under glass.

“Get off of me,” you say as calmly as you can.

“It’s all a lie, all of it…” A hand comes up and strokes your cheek, rubbing with two fingers at a stray fleck of blood on your neck. “I’m sorry it had to be like this, but I’m so glad you understand…”

“Let me up now, Tomura.”

He holds still for a long moment—waiting, thinking, considering—and then sits up, still straddling you but loosely enough that you can scramble back away from him on the couch. Your heart is racing, but you try to slow your breaths so he doesn’t pick up on how scared you are.

“Don’t freak out. You’re no fun,” Tomura says, and you exhale a sigh of relief at how normal he sounds. You never thought you’d be so happy about him looking at you like you’re nothing.

“I think you should go,” you say carefully.

He rocks back on his heels and runs a hand through his hair. “Are you mad? I thought I could stay here tonight, like usual. Since I waited for so long.”

“I’m not mad. I just…want to be alone.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be alone tonight. Not after what you’ve been through.”

Oh, now you care. “Fine. Okay? Fine. You can sleep on the couch.” You’re too tired to argue any more, and you’ve never really been good at convincing Tomura to do anything he doesn’t want to. It’s a miracle he listened to you when you told him to get off you. Considering how often he breaks into your apartment, it’s not like you could keep him out anyway.

So he stays the night. He doesn’t bother you when you take a shower and go to bed, he just lies on the couch in his street clothes. When you wake up in the morning he’s disappeared like he always does, and for the first time since you met him you’re truly relieved that he’s gone.

///

You always thought it would take some level of courage you don’t possess to actually bite the bullet and look Tomura up. To do so would mean saying goodbye to whatever strange relationship the two of you have built over the months, and you’re just not brave enough to risk it.

Turns out it’s not courage that makes you type his name into the search bar. It’s cowardice. You’re lying in bed under the covers when you do it, and the blue-white screen of your laptop is the only light in the room. Your comforter is pulled up almost over your head like it’s a wall that can block out reality.

“tomura”, you enter into the search bar, but you don’t hit return. Instead, you look at the search suggestions.

> tomura shigaraki > tomura shigaraki league of villains > tomura shigaraki decay

Something about it sounds familiar. But you’re not ready. Still, after everything, you’d rather keep your eyes closed. You backspace and snap your laptop shut, and when you do your room is so dark that you think the emptiness might swallow you up.

///

[T: 5:52 PM] > Are u going to be at home tn

[T: 6:14 PM] > Hey check ur phone

[T: 6:42 PM] > Stop ignoring me > (Y/N) > (Y/N) > (Y/N) > (Y/N) > (Y/N)

[T: 6:46 PM] 3 MISSED CALLS [You: 6:50 PM] > I’m at work [T: 6:50 PM] > Don’t lie > you finished an hour ago

[T: 7:13 PM] 1 MISSED CALL [T: 7:14 PM] > You said you werent mad [You: 7:15 PM] > I’m not [T: 7:15 PM] > Then stop being a brat > im coming over > ill bring takeout

You’re nervous about seeing him, but in the two weeks since he pushed you down on the couch you’ve found yourself…missing him. Like it or not, he’s made himself a fixture in your life. So when you get home you’re brimming with anticipation, wondering who you’ll get when you open the door—the normal Tomura you’ve come to like over the past few months, or the one from that night. The villain.

But it’s just him. Good old Tomura, laden with plastic bags and containers of greasy fast food for the two of you to gorge yourselves on. You tease him for being cheap and he argues that you’re just a snob and everything seems so normal that you can almost forget the look in his red eyes when he told you that you understood.

Almost.

///

You probably have no idea how good you look when you’re crying.

Of the couple thousand views on the news channel video of your “rescue” from the convenience store robber, at least a tenth are from Tomura. Eventually he just downloads the video onto his computer so he doesn’t have to read the inane comments that the other viewers leave on the webpage. It seems like everyone but him thinks you should feel lucky that you were saved by a hero before the robber could get to you, too.

As always, the public are a bunch of shit-soaked morons. Reading the comments makes him angry, so angry he’s tempted to look into a few of these brainless sheep and see how lucky they feel when they’ve caught the attention of a violent criminal. But that wouldn’t be productive, so he saves the video externally and leaves the news website alone. It’s for the best. Besides, seeing the “views” counter on the website tick up and up by the dozen every time he refreshes is just another reminder that other people are watching this; other people are seeing how delicate and vulnerable and pretty you are with tears spilling out of your eyes and the cashier’s blood sprayed over your clothing.

Thousands of useless fucking NPCs are looking at you just like Tomura is. They’re probably thinking about how sweet you look, just like he is. And they’re probably imagining all the ways they can take advantage of your fragile emotional state, just like him.

You’re too trusting for your own good. Tomura used to think it was a virtue, and it is, but only when it comes to him. Whenever he thinks about how your face is slapped over a dozen different news websites for the whole world to see, he has to dig his fingernails into his neck to keep calm. It’s better when he can just watch the video and pretend he’s the only one seeing it.

And it’s not like not watching the video is an option. Tomura can’t resist your crying face. There’s a point around the three minute mark where your voice breaks in the middle of your statement, and sometimes Tomura skips there in the video just so he can hear that pathetic little sob and replay it over and over and over. Maybe it’s sappy, but Tomura really does feel his heart skip a beat at the way your eyes and nose are rubbed red from your misery.

How fucked up is it that he gets off watching you cry?

Would you be angry if you knew? You probably would, but you put up with so much from him already. Maybe you’d be okay with it if he told you he really and truly tried to hold out. The first dozen times Tomura watched the video, he refused to touch himself no matter how tight his pants got while you choked out your stilted answers to the reporters’ questions, but at this point he barely has to click “play” on the video before he gets hard and takes matters into his own hands.

At the end of the day, it’s your fault. Everything about you is so erotic, from your shaky voice to your pouty, bitten-red lips. Isn’t it completely normal to be aroused while looking at the person you like? And Tomura likes you, he really likes you. He doesn’t have any pictures of you, and with the high definition of the news channel’s video he can see every perfect contour of your cheekbones, every pore in your skin, every glistening wet eyelash.

It’s not that Tomura doesn’t feel sympathy for how upset you are in the video. He does! Not even just sympathy, even—he’s empathetic. He knows exactly how it feels to be let down by the heroes. How dare they tell you you need to be grateful while you’re still trying to wipe brain matter off your shirt? Always too little, too late. It’s not fair.

But if he’s being honest? As miserable as you are, Tomura is happy that you were in the store when that robber came in and that you had to watch a man you knew get his brains blown out in front of you. You need a wake-up call to lose faith in hero society. If you have to suffer some emotional trauma in the process, that seems like a fair price to pay.

And the fact that Tomura gets to jerk off to it? It’s almost like destiny.

➠ [Part 3]

[incorrectbatfam]

Can I get headcanons for an au where Bruce adopted the kids when they /were/ babies, please?

Use the bathroom, get comfortable, and maybe have some tissues on hand.

For these headcanons, we’re gonna assume they were adopted in order of age, and that they’re all under 18. So Dick and Babs are 16 (with Babs being older), Harper is 14, Cass is 13, Jason is 12, Tim is 7, Steph and Duke are both 5 (with Steph being older), Carrie is 3, and Damian is 1. Yes, I’m aware that it diverges from canon age gaps but once you keep reading you’ll see why I did that.

Now for the headcanons (in no particular order):

Alfred is “Grandpa” and Bruce is anything from “Dad”, “Pops”, “Old man”, “Baba”, etc. All the other adults, like Kate or Clark, are aunts and uncles.

Steph and Duke compete over everything, like who can tie their shoes the fastest or learn to ride a bike first. Steph makes a point of letting everyone know she’s older, but Duke fires back with the fact that he’s taller. They’re both at the top of their kindergarten class and are known for butting heads, but God help anyone who decides to pick on one of them.

Harper got her first period at school while wearing white shorts. Thankfully, Dick and Babs came in clutch.

At school, Kon told Tim that he got ten dollars every time he lost a tooth. Tim tried to hack the system by pulling a bunch of teeth out at once (thankfully to no avail) until someone caught him.

Babs has a different secret handshake with each person.

When Damian first came along, everyone expected Carrie to be angry or jealous since she’d no longer be the baby of the family. And she was a little jealous at first. But the moment she saw him, her eyes went wide and she whispered, “He’s so tiny” and vowed to protect him with everything she had.

The last business trip Bruce took was when Cass was a baby, and the reason why it was his last one was that while he was abroad, Alfred sent him a video of Cass taking her first steps and he burst into tears in the middle of a meeting because he wasn’t there to witness it in person.

Dick once used Damian as a wingman to pick up girls. It worked so well that Jason tried the same thing, only to have it grossly backfire on him.

Whenever Bruce needs a break, Alfred will call everyone to the living room for one of his infamous spy stories.

Cass is the queen of April Fool’s.

Tim, Steph, and Duke regularly climb on each other’s shoulders to try to reach the cookie jar.

Harper is a pro at getting gum out of people’s hair. Tim is a pro at the exact opposite. 

Bruce gives Dick “the talk”. Dick then gives it to Harper who gives it to Cass who gives it to Jason and by then it’s so misconstrued by then that Bruce has to re-give it to all the kids.

One time Jason lashed out at school and it led to the teachers referring him to a therapist. Bruce stayed with him during the first appointment and Jason admitted to feeling unwanted because of what some kids at school said. Meanwhile, back at home, all the other siblings were trying to get their names to be Damian’s first word, like a competition. None of them ended up winning because when the other two came home, Damian called out to Jason. (And Jason cried on the spot because it didn’t matter what people said at school, he was wanted by the right people).

Group outings with the Kents or the Allens are a normal occurrence.

Harper gave Bruce a heart attack when she DIYed her hair dye and piercings.

The first time Tim saw a shooting star, he was convinced that aliens had arrived to take over the world. His conspiracy-driven panic spread to his younger siblings and that’s how Alfred found them all hiding in a blanket fort wearing saucepans as helmets.

Steph once got lost at the mall and the first thing she did was buy ten Build-A-Bears. 

Cass regularly carries her younger siblings like suitcases.

Bruce never rushed Dick into getting a license or helping out around the house.

Harper once snuck on a train to the next town without telling anyone because she wanted to ask Kate advice on coming out.

Nobody got any sleep for the forty-eight hours when Damian’s favorite stuffed animal went missing.

Duke is a LEGO kid. Carrie is a horse girl. Together they created the ultimate toy equine sanctuary.

Bruce can’t ground the kids. They’ve unionized.

Jason is no longer allowed to pick movies on account of the time he chose an R-rated slasher.

It’s an open secret that Cass accidentally left Tim at a haunted house once. 

Alfred custom sews a ten-person "get along" shirt.

Duke once snuck Damian to school for Show And Tell. Steph ratted him out almost right away.

Jason tried to make his younger siblings reenact Shakespeare. It lasted a good thirty seconds before it dissolved into people hitting each other with props.

As a big mystery/conspiracy theory person, Tim was wholly convinced that Damian was an extraterrestrial because the first time he saw him, it was at the hospital where Damian was hooked up to a bunch of machines after he was born. It wasn’t until after three different people explained the concept of preemies to him did Tim finally get it.

Carrie loves to play dress-up and will rope in anyone in the vicinity.

Bruce’s favorite song to sing to someone when they’re upset is Lean On Me by Bill Withers

Cass taught everyone obscenities in sign language and it was all fine until someone caught Babs at school and she got detention

Alfred can’t remember the last time the house was not babyproofed.

Between birthdays, holidays, Gotcha Days, and other special days, there’s always a reason to celebrate at Wayne Manor.

Whenever they fly on the private jet Duke's in the cockpit insisting he knows more about airplanes than the pilots (Alfred or Kate) bc he watched the Planes movie.

Harper got matching leather jackets for all the sisters.

Bruce gives Tim "coffee" that's 90% milk and a splash of coffee for flavor.

Cass and Jason communicate solely in inhuman grunts.

Carrie can and will latch onto the first person she sees like a koala bear.

There's a running gag among friends on how many siblings Dick has because he tells stories without ever using names.

Bruce comes home after a long day of work and everyone drops what they're doing to dogpile on him.

Harper only got an after school job to pay for her Club Penguin membership.

They all make snowmen in descending size order with Bruce's being this huge towering one and Damian's being like three inches tall.

The girls have a "no boys (except the baby) allowed" zone.

Carrie can't pronounce the letters "R" or L".

When Damian learns to crawl suddenly all the other family members become a jungle gym.

Bruce doesn't notice when someone invites a friend over without permission because what's a few extra kids anyway?

Harper comes out and for a week people wouldn't stop making bi puns.

They try to do that thing where each family member puts a different colored handprint on the mailbox and they end up running out of space.

As the oldest Dick gets stuck with babysitting or he's forced to let Jason tag along when he goes out (bc all parents make their older kids do that) and he resents it but at the same time no one can talk trash about his siblings.

Damian's animal collection begins when he brings in a mouse from the yard. (Cue the hilarious siblings-helping-him-hide-new-pets montages.)

Someone beat Bruce for “World’s most attractive man”, but that’s okay because he was voted “World’s happiest man” instead.

[tohellandbackanthology]

WE FINISHED SHIPPING OUT ALL PHYSICAL ORDERS (and other important info about your package)!

Hi guys! That’s right! On June 19th, we officially wrapped up packing more than 800 orders of To Hell + Back: A Destiel Anthology and immediately got drunk and partied actually we just talked about the impossible housing market in Vancouver. Barring three orders which were still missing phone numbers, by now everybody else should’ve received a tracking number with their book on the way! 

While we’re relieved that one of the hardest parts of the job is now done and over with, we know that our project is still far from over. With that in mind, we’d like to outline some important info via this handy FAQ about what to look out for as you wait for your package to arrive.

**When are digital books shipping out?**

Right now! As promised, now that we’ve finished shipping all physical books, we’re now switching our focus to digital copies. Please do note that we’ll be shipping digital books in batches, so not everybody is going to get their book at the same time. Why are we doing this? Because sometimes emails bounce and we want to make sure we catch those when they happen. By sending the books out in batches, we can better keep track of these issues.

We will be sending out digital books in the following order: Indiegogo/Big Cartel digital-only backers first, and then everybody else. We feel this order is fair because those of you who didn’t order a physical book have now been waiting a long time and we want to be sure you receive your books at the same time as people begin receiving their physical copies in the mail.

We aim to complete shipping all digital books no later than July 11, but we are working fast in the hopes of finishing by July 5th. 

**I didn’t receive my tracking number!** 

We had multiple checks in place to ensure that we covered every order*** so if you didn’t get an email from Canada Post, please check your junk/spam folder and see if your email might have landed there. If it’s not there either, please message us at tohellandbackanthology@gmail.com and we’ll resend you your tracking number. It’s always possible that there might’ve been a typo in the email address that we had on file for you, and if that was the case, then the email containing your tracking number wouldn’t have reached you. That said, even if Canada Post’s email didn’t reach you, you should have received an email from Indiegogo or Big Cartel also indicating your tracking number as we inputted tracking info into these sites too! 

*** A select few packages don’t have tracking numbers. If you purchased a tier that was a merch + E-book combo on Indiegogo (“I’d Rather Have You”; “Cursed or Not”; “I Always Come When You Call”) and live outside Canada and the United States, it was unfortunately not possible for us to generate a mailing label with a tracking number because your parcel was too small. Instead, please keep an eye on your mailbox. Your envelope parcel should reach you within 4-6 weeks.

**The only thing my tracking number says is ELECTRONIC INFORMATION SUBMITTED BY SHIPPER :( When will Canada Post pick up my package?**

All orders were picked up by Canada Post on June 21, 2021. If your tracking still doesn’t show ITEM PICKED UP BY CANADA POST, contact us immediately so we can figure out what’s going on.

**My package didn’t arrive! It says ITEM BEING RETURNED TO SENDER! Help!**

Please contact us IMMEDIATELY if this happens so that we can reroute your package before it’s too late. If the package is returned to us, we get charged for its shipping. Then subsequently shipping has to be paid again to resend it to you! That’s 3x shipping and it’s not good, for either us or you! Please don’t delay a second if this happens. Tell us right away because we are determined to get it back to you! In the words of @justholdingstill, “Over my dead body are they sending it back to us.”   

**When will I receive my package?**

From the point that your tracking displays the message Item picked up by Canada Post, you can expect that:

Canadians will generally receive their packages within 2-4 days, but it can be up to 7 days for remote regions. 

Americans will generally receive their packages within 10-14 days. This includes Guam and Puerto Rico.

All other countries will receive their packages within 4-12 weeks, but we have noticed that these packages are coming WAY faster than that, usually within 2 weeks. Down below is a breakdown of how quickly certain countries have received their fastest package:

Argentina: 15 days 

Finland: 8 days 

Germany: 10 days 

Italy: 16 days 

Mexico: 10 days 

Norway: 18 days 

Russia: 15 days 

United Kingdom: 21 days but so far, this seems to be an exception—only one package has arrived as of today.

All other countries: No package has reached its destination yet that we know of

**I have my tracking number but it’s not showing any movement! Is my package lost?**

Canadians and Americans should have regular updates to their tracking information every couple of days, but please be patient—things happen, packages get rerouted, or sometimes have to sit for a little bit in customs or a sorting facility before moving on to their final destination. 

Likewise for our international backers, you will most likely get regular updates to your tracking information until your package leaves Canada. At this point, you will receive the following notification: International item being forwarded to destination country. From this point onward, you won’t receive any updates to your tracking information for a long time. This is completely normal and it just means that your book is on a boat making its way to your country. After it arrives on shore, you may or may not get more tracking notifications—it will depend on how the next carrier processes your order. In general, for all the international countries that have received packages so far, they have had full tracking upon reaching shore.

**When is my package considered lost? What should I do then? How much time do I have to contact you?**

Canadians should wait 14 days from the day that their package is picked up by Canada Post before contacting us (unless your tracking says that it’s returning to sender, in which case contact us IMMEDIATELY so that we can reroute your package!).

Americans (including Guam and Puerto Rico) should wait 21 days from the day that their package is picked up by Canada Post before contacting us (unless your tracking says that it’s returning to sender, in which case contact us IMMEDIATELY so that we can reroute your package!).

All other nationalities should wait 12 weeks from the day that their package is picked up by Canada Post before contacting us (unless your tracking says that it’s returning to sender, in which case contact us IMMEDIATELY so that we can reroute your package!).

Please don’t contact us before that. We won’t be able to help you earlier than this. We have to talk to Canada Post about your parcel and they won’t take further steps until the waiting period is over. 

When you contact us, please give us the following information via email at tohellandbackanthology@gmail.com: 

Your full name

Your shipping address

Your shipping phone number

Your shipping email

Let us know where you’re an Indiegogo or Big Cartel backer

You have four weeks to contact us after the ‘package-is-officially-lost’ date. For example, if your book was picked up by Canada Post on June 1 and your home address is in a country other than the United States or Canada, you will wait 12 weeks to see if your package arrives. In this example, your package is officially considered lost on September 1. You have four weeks to let us know. In this example, you have until October 1 to tell us that your package is lost. If you tell us after October 1, unfortunately we can’t help you! We have a timeline in place for the official end date of our project and this deadline helps keep us on track to donate our remaining funds to our charity of choice, Wish Vancouver, in a timely manner. Not to mention we’ll be selling off our extra books and if you take too long to contact us, there might not be any remaining books for you to have a replacement!

**My tracking says that my package was delivered but I can’t find it!**

We encourage you first and foremost to ask your neighbours and anybody else who lives with you or around you to see if they might have received it for you. Please also contact your postal service to see if they might have held it for you at the post office. Finally, please keep an eye on your tracking and please try your absolute best to be there to receive it so that there is no chance of your package being stolen. If your tracking information declares that it was delivered, we consider it delivered on our end too and as much as we would like to help you, we’re not a business and as such, our funds are limited and we can’t be responsible for stolen packages. If your package does get stolen though, please let us know and we’ll talk to Canada Post regardless. All our books are insured and if Canada Post agrees to pay the insurance amount, we’ll put aside a book for you from our extras sale. You will still be responsible for paying the full amount of shipping. If Canada Post denies the insurance amount, we can still put a book aside for you but you will have to pay the full amount of the book and shipping. 

**Have any other questions that come to mind?**

As always, please don’t hesitate to shoot us a message! We always strive to get back to you within 48 hours or less, but please note that justholdingstill, casthewise, and pray4jensen/60r3d0m are heading out on a mini vacation to Vancouver Island from June 30 to July 4 so you might not hear from us as promptly at that time! Unfortunately we won’t have cell service or WiFi.

Aside from this, thank you again for your patience and support. We can’t wait to see photos of your books (and shelves and pets and plants!). Be sure to tag us when you do post!

With love,

Your TH+B mods

[purplesurveys]

1617

1) What’re your plans for the weekend?  I’ve got an event today, so there’s that. I can’t wait for it to be over; I’m supposed to be dealing with 300 attendees today – literally 10 times as much as I would normally deal with – so with me pushing the extrovert agenda for an additional day in the week, I’m pretty sure I’ll be speeding the fuck back home the moment it’s done.

2) Could you ever be vegetarian - why or why not?  I don’t think so. I wanted to start having a vegan lifestyle in the past; but idk I like certain food too much to completely let go of them. Like sushi.

3) Name a quote from your favorite TV show:  “This is not meth.”

4) What time did you wake up this morning?  I woke up at around 7:50 since I had to be at the dentist by 9 to get braces.

5) What chores do you do around the house?  I mop and sweep the floor daily since it gets very humid in the day, making the floor sticky and gross-ish to walk on; I wash the dishes and fold clothes; then I also do the cleaning-up after the dogs. Not so much ‘around the house’ but I’m also mainly in charge of bringing them to the vet and shouldering the bills.

6) Do you like windchimes, or do they annoy you?  I can live with or without them, but I honestly feel like it would annoy me if heard on a daily basis, lol. I would like having them around the most if I was on vacation somewhere remote. 7) How much sleep do you usually get a night?  Anywhere from 5-7.

8) If you could have any outfit, cost not an issue, what would you get?  I don’t have any outfit ensemble in mind; but I would love some new pairs of shoes. It’s not that mine are on the verge of breaking apart; but it’d be nice to just have a bigger variety to choose from. 9) Do you play any instruments?  I don’t and can’t.

10) What song would you say describes your life right now?  Would probably be more relevant a little later, but Hectic by RM and Colde.

11) Do you have snacks lying around your room?  Yeah, I have a bag of truffle-flavored chips in there.

12) Did you get up to much today? If it’s morning, what are your plans? Yep I’ve already accomplished one errand this morning (getting braces), but I will be very busy in about an hour or so, since my calltime to the event venue is at noon. I’ll be manning registration so it’s gonna be the most socializing out of everyone else in the team bleck. I’m so excited to get back to my bed.

13) What’s your favorite animal to see in the zoo?  None; I usually feel a pang of guilt even when I see animals I would love otherwise, like elephants, eagles, and deer.

14) When do you start back to school or college?  I graduated college three years ago and don’t plan on coming back for a masters or doctoral degree.

15) What other social networking sites are you on?  I’m on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and now Bondee lmfao.

16) What was the best year of your life?  It used to be 2014, but it has since been dethroned by 2021. It would be very hard to top it, too.

17) What plans do you have for the rest of summer?  We don’t have ‘summer.’ We just have hot and very hot.

18) How old is the person you like right now?  I’m not into anyone.  19) Do you get an allowance? How much?  Well no, I’ve been earning my own money since I got a job.

20) What games console is your favorite? What about favorite game?  I’m not a big gamer. I enjoy watching walkthroughs, but I never pick up a console or controller myself.

21) If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be and why?  HOME. Be with the dogs, laze around, watch YouTube. The work week had been pretty busy so I wanted to make the weekend a time for relaxing; but I can’t for half of it.

22) Do your parents nag you a lot? What about? It’s more of just subtle callouts/reminders not to spend as much as I do on K-pop and to be responsible with my money. They’re not as naggy as they used to be.

23) What is there on the walls of your room?  Nothing. When I repainted it last month, I didn’t return the posters and frames on the walls anymore. Nothing but fresh white paint on it now.

24) Is there anyone that just really annoys you?  Sure.

25) What are your plans for tomorrow, anything good?  Aside from our usual Sunday mass, nothing. I hope there’s nothing else that comes up; I didn’t have a weekend last week and now my Saturday is also taken. If tomorrow happens as planned, it would be the first time in like 2 weeks that I can get to spend the weekend at home.

26) If you could wake up tomorrow being able to do one thing perfectly, what would it be?  Dance.

27) You have two wishes to make to help the world, and one can’t be “another wish” or anything similar. What wishes do you make?  Clean water and ample supply of food.

28) Do you reckon world peace is possible or are we just too selfish?  History has shown us time and time again that it isn’t. People are always looking for something to gain.

29) Do you listen to Bright Eyes?  I’m afraid I’ve never heard of them. 30) Are you interested in politics, or do you just not care?  Very interested. Those who choose not to care don’t really sit right with me.