#i would write this but i can't write more that 200 words to save my life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lokisbiiiitch1993 · 11 months

Text

Thank you for the Request - I am sorry - it's been 200 years but to my excuse I had Writers Block for a while - and many other Requests - but I hope you still like it ❤️

The 200th Anniversary

Loki x Sigyn/Wife Reader

It's been a while since Loki joined the Avengers .

He is now a Part of the Team and spends the most time on Earth - Midgard.

You missed him and hoped he would come back to Asgard soon.

Days turned into Weeks and weeks turned into almost a month.

But today is our 200th Anniversary he will for sure show up and surprise me you thought excited.

After Breakfast you spend the next few hours on yourself - Hair and Make - Up

Next you put your favourite Dress on the one Loki bought for you many Anniversaries ago.

Remembering fondly Loki looked so thrilled the first time you wore it - the way he praised your beauty made you fall even more in love with him .

I am ready - you said to yourself - I can't wait to hug him and kiss him again .

A hour passed then the next - the more hours passed the more sad and angry you get .

It's Night and he still isn't here your Husband must have forgotten, you realized disappointed - crying yourself to sleep .

On the next Day you run into Thor by coincidence - he saw your red and swollen Eyes and asked what happened - you told him you are sad and mad that Loki forgot about the Anniversary .

"Maybe I should visit him soon and see for myself what's so important on Midgard that he forgets about me" - you said in a Threatening Tone .

Later Thor went back to the Avengers compound and told Loki that you are mad.

Brother how could you forget about the 200th Anniversary - Thor teased him.

To my Defense I didn't forget completely - Yesterday I had a feeling today is something but I couldn't figure out what - Loki tried to explain.

Thor laughed and wished his younger Brother good luck .

At first Loki was mad and disappointed in himself - how could he forget but then it turned into Panic because he knows his Wife will show up soon .

Hey Loki ,are you alright? What's going on with you? - someone asked but he just ignored it not wasting a moment to see who dared talking to him.

He devoted the next hours to finding the Prefect Anniversary Gifts .

Loki brought so many Bags with Presents back to the Compound -the others didn't know what to say - he bought the most beautiful Flowers Bouquet, different Chocolates , Jewelry,Shoes ,Bags and Clothes he knows you would like - he hopes that will calm you down.

Suddenly he had an Idea and went to his Room.

Two hours later you appeared at the Compound still visibly mad - everyone watched you

Tony was the first to ask "Who are you and what do you want" but before you had the Chance to answer Thor was by your Side answering instead happily "That's Loki's Wife - my Sister in Law ".

Meanwhile after many Attempts Loki finished writing a Love Letter -putting all his Feelings for his Wife into words.

After hearing all the noise he left his Room to see what's going on.

As he saw her standing in the living Room - he couldn't believe it- She is really here he thought .

Crossing her Arms ,she stared at him still angry and Loki looked at her with apologetic sad Eyes .

"My Darling Wife , please let us talk,I am really sorry for forgetting our Anniversary,please let me make it up to you " - he plead.

For the other Avengers in the Room he looks like a Lost Puppy - not threatening , scary or dangerous at all.

Some of the Team even smiled mockingly at him others were just shocked and speechless how different Loki is when his Wife is around.

Tony said teasing " So all we had to do to save New York,was bringing his Wife here ?"

"Looks like his Wife wears the Pants " another Avenger said

How funny Loki answered sarcastically,he took his Wife's hand and guided her to his Room.

He showed her everything he bought , gave her the Love Letter and apologized sincerely.

I only forgive you if you don't make me miss you so desperately all the time - I yearn for you - I need and love you - you confessed

"I promise,my Love,I missed you too and I love you so desperately"he replied with softly

You both spend the Night loving each other unable to get enough of the other.

My Masterlist

172 notes · View notes

ideasarestuckinmyhead · 3 months

Note

Is it bad that I crave your writting for Boo's childhood/backstory(including teen years, that shit gets crazy) just pack with layers upon layers upon layers upon layers upon layers of gut wrenching and sole crushing angst?

And Boo is telling Al and Seth all of this horrific tragic story and at the end of it they're just sitting there like:

"Sugerboo, wtaf?!"

lol don't mind me, just need to feel things tonight! And by that I mean pain! 🥲

-🪷 anon

Fucked life.

TW: Drug use, gambling, bad parents, domestic abuse (won't go into it), manipulation, shitty childhood and in all just wow. If I write anything wrong please tell me!

‼️This is just for the ask not giving Boo an actual background.‼️

"My childhood was of drugs, screaming, and fighting behind walls." Sipping the alcohol in the cup they got. Sugarboo leaned back on the chair they were in, nonchalant about what they just said. The boys were silent waiting for them to continue, not to disturb the comfortable flow they got themselves in.

"My dad wasn't and still ISN'T a good man. He would beat my mom, screaming at her why did she give birth to a defect of a kid. One that couldn't even shut the fuck up when he was mad." Hissing out Sugarboo grabbed the cup a bit tight. Seth felt his hands clench, and Alphonse looked ready to kill someone.

"But my mom wasn't a Saint either in this shit. She'd be like 'I took that beating for you and you can't even try to better yourself? What kind of child doesn't try for their mother?' She'd also say that me giving her money for her drug abuse would help her." Looking into the flames of the camp fire Sugarboo got lost in thought. Memories of needles and white powder on the table flashing through their mind.

"I had to lie to cps so, so many fucking times. Saying my mother was just tired because she worked two jobs, which she did. But got fired every time because she kept stealing food from the kitchen and taking alcohol from the gas station she worked at." Chugging the rest of their alcohol they reached over and grabbed a bottle of whatever. Cracking it open they didn't want to look at the stares of pity drilling on the back of their head.

"After my dad finally cracked and left my mom because of her drug addiction he took all the money we had. I was uumm, 16? Had a job at this Cafe in the city we lived in. The owner was this old man that knew what my mom did." Smiling solemnly SB thought back on that man. He was the father figure they needed desperately, he was a short Mexican man in his late 40's.

"Francisco, let me stay at the Cafe if I needed too. Made sure to squirrel away money for me so I can get away from my druggie mom....." Whispering SB wiped some tears that fell. It was hard talking about this shit, how their live was a mess and now they can't really talk about it. Not without the looks of pity.

"My mom found out when Francisco was talking to another coworker of mine. About how it was almost $200 dollars saved up for me. I've told him as soon as I graduated I was skipping to a different town. I wanted to be a baker, but my mom told me I needed a real job." Hissing out the last bit Sugarboo chugged the rest of the second cup. Starting their third as they slurred out more words.

"The bitch tried to hurt him! I never....got so fucking angry before. I grabbed a bottle and smashed it over her head. My mom didn't like that, so she, who was on a withdrawal of two days, began choking me." Moving their collar, flashing the scar they got from her nails. Alphonse remember asking about them before, Boo just shook their head and said 'For another time.' He felt like shit asking about it now.

"Francisco, worried grabbed a gun he had incase of a robber....shot her. There was witnesses and everything, so he wasn't charged. It was ruled as self defense. But I didn't have anywhere to go, as shitty as it was I had to be pit in a foster home." More tears pooled in their eyes as they left them fall. They wanted to stay with Francisco, but the Judge's words were final.

"I still worked there at the Cafe. But I wanted to stay with him! My Foster parents were nice I guess but they didn't get me. Mostly left me alone because I was older." There was older kids there but, SB didn't make friends with them. It was clear they didn't want another teenager with them.

"When it was the summer before or was it after? I turned 18....Francisco, he....he died." Sobbing out Seth and Alphonse got up. Each boy holding a hand as Sugarboo curled into themselves and cried.

"He left me everything. His grandchildren tried to get shit from me but they couldn't. They never tried and connect with him, even though he tried so desperately. I didn't budge or nothing I told them to suck my dick and kept the promise I had with Francisco. To run and live my life. How I wanted it, no shitty dad's, my druggie mom was dead and I was 18 with $24,000 dollars that Francisco left for me." Sitting up proud Sugarboo laughed as they remembered the old man telling them they better do good with he money. How he wanted them to be better than their parents, to use the hate they build up to make it useful.

"And here I am now! My own bakery in a small town that loves my goods. And two amazing men in my life! So yeah I'd think I'm living my life right now." Smiling at the two men who were still silent. Sugarboo got smiles back as all three hugged, this was nice.

"Boo, holy shit." Was the inky words they got as a response. Laughing at that Boo leaned to Alphonse and gave him a kiss. He always did have comedic timing.

"Sugar, I'm glad we got to meet you. And I'm glad you stayed strong through out all of this." The sad eyed man had tears saying those words. Sugarboo started frowning as they wiped his tears softly.

"Awe, don't cry hon..." Whispering as Seth was being held by them. Alphonse started crying too, wishing he meet then sooner to help them. But they can't change the past, it's already done.

"Wanna make stores and drink this night away?" Giving a cheeky grin Sugarboo held up their cup. Seth gave a watery laugh as he sat back up and nodded.

Alphonse cracked open another bottle of the disgusting sugary drink he had. And the three began drinking, telling happy memories they held close to their hearts. Stories made them stronger, helping them better understand where one of the trio was.

Sugarboo, for a moment paused looking at Seth and Alphonse argue over who won the wresting match when younger. And they started giggling like a maniac seeing their boys being so....them. Even after what they told the boys they still wanted them.

#tw drugs #tw abuse #gambling #tw bad parents #red rants #yuurivoice #red answers #yuurivoice alphonse #yuurivoice seth #red writes #tw shitty childhood #tw domestic abuse #tw manipulation

24 notes · View notes

mystic-panda-4 · 3 months

Text

Fics For Gaza

Hello everyone! I'm super excited to announce that I've signed up to be a creator in the @ficsforgaza project! For those of you unfamiliar with the blog, ficsforgaza is a project that allows money to be raised for the people in need in Gaza, and for YOU to get fanfiction you want to read! There are two ways you can go about helping to raise money for a good cause, either by Sponsoring A WIP or Requesting A Fic

How It Works - Sponsoring A WIP Edition:

For every $1 donated to a vetted fundraiser on @ficsforgaza's page with proof DMed to me of your donation, along with which WIP you'd like to sponsor, I will add 200 words onto a WIP of your choosing! This means that $1 = 200 words, $2 = 400 words, $5 = 1,000 words, etc. I will keep an updated tally on how many words into a chapter of any given WIP are owed, and how many I have fulfilled due to this fundraiser!

If you donate $30 to a vetted fundraiser at once and DM me proof of donation, I will write an entire chapter of a WIP of your choosing, regardless of how long that chapter is (ie: you donate $30 and the chapter ends up being longer than 6,000 words and you get all those bonus words for free because you sponsored a whole chapter at once)

Click here to see the four current WIPs you can sponsor (from BSD, SVSSS and Super Mario Brothers Fandoms)

How It Works - Requesting a Fic Edition:

You pick from a list of three fandoms I write for: Bungo Stray Dogs, Scum Villain's Self Saving System, or Miraculous Ladybug

Then you pick a fic length/amount to donate as follows:

$15 for a 2k word fic (estimated completion within 2 weeks of receiving the request)

$30 for a 5k word fic (estimated completion within 3 weeks of receiving the request)

$50 for a 10k word fic (estimated completion within 5 weeks of receiving the request)

I'm open for SFW requests only, no NSFW or Dead Dove Requests unless it's something I've written about on my ao3 page before (aka, I'll do stalking for Bingqiu/Binggyuan but that's about it in terms of Dead Dove), any pairing previously seen on my ao3 page is more than acceptable (SKK, SSKK, Ranpoe, Kouyosano, Tachigin, Higugin, Bingqiu, Bingyuan, Moshang, Miraculous Lovesquare, Nino/Alya, etc) but and most legal ships from these three fandoms, but please DM me if you're unsure if I'm willing to take a request about a certain pairing or character.

DM me proof of donation to a vetted fundraiser through @ficsforgaza and detail what you want in your request and I will do my best to provide it. I reserve the right to turn down a request should it be outside my realm of comfort, and I would highly recommend DMing me first if you'd like me to write about a ship or a character I have not previously written for to double check before submitting your request

Final Notes:

If you can't donate at this time, please help spread the word to people who can by reblogging and check out all the other wonderful creators in the @ficsforgaza project if you're looking for something I can't provide! If you have any further questions feel free to DM me or send me an ask, or check out the FAQs on @ficsforgaza's page! Thank you all to everyone that's read this far, and I look forward to getting to use fanfiction for good!

#ao3 #fanfiction #writing #bungo stray dogs #scum villain's self saving system #super mario brothers #miraculous ladybug #fics4gaza #palestine #free palestine #free gaza #my fic #requests #requests open #sponsor a wip

19 notes · View notes

kayleighwildwrites · 11 days

Text

Introduction:

Hi! My name is Kayleigh (she/her). I have an overactive imagination and (according to most people I know) weird interests! I write 1000-word stories when I'm supposed to write 200-word essays and can't draw to save my life. I am an Autism Ambassador and LGBTQ+ Ally and want this to be a safe space. I write fics and a few original stories. I write fantasy and modern fiction and am part of the Hermitcraft, Empires, Life Series and other similar fandoms.

Some Of My Writing:

Lost In The Underworld - A Limited Life Mafia AU

Limit City looks like any city you've seen before. (That's shaped like a pentagon that is.) If you stroll the streets nothing seems out of the ordinary, but be careful. Because before you know it you might find yourself lost in its criminal underworld. Limit City is run by five mafias and you don't want to get on their bad side. But what happens when a sixth tries to burrow into their midst?

Tales of Tavàri and Gabriel - An Original Story - Fantasy

His brain fully catches up with the rest of his body and his tone becomes angry, although his face shifts from shock to devoid of all emotion. "Why would you specifically create an illusion of the one thing I fear most after I entrusted you with that information?!" His companion's face also becomes more serious and she steps towards him. She stands almost right up against him, forcing him to look down to meet her eyes as she looks up at him. The fire in her eyes burns bright. "First of all, lately you seem to keep forgetting that I am not someone you should trust with valuable information about yourself. I was part of the Nine Lives Guild! We were notorious for using any information we could get on our targets to our advantage! Whether it be to assassinate them, rob them or use them for our gain in other ways. You may be used to the military ranks, where you can trust your fellow soldiers and all that bullshit, but that is not how it works out here. Secondly, if you make light of my fears, then I will use yours against you. Do I make myself clear?" Gabriel's expression remains incredulous. "Crystal." "Good!" Tavàri smiles sweetly, turning on her heel and walking back toward their camp.

Thank You For Checking Out My Tumblr!

#writing #writers on tumblr #writeblr #about myself #meeeeee #trafficblr #traffic life #traffic smp #traffic series #life series #life ser

7 notes · View notes

strawb3rrystar · 11 months

Text

Star's 200 followers special !! - Prompts

See here for the characters I will write for

How to request:

(Prompt(s) - Max 2) (What kind of reader - Fem, Masc, Gender Neutral) (Character) (Any other extra things you want me to add into the fic)

How long will the event run for?

November 1st 2023 - December 31st 2023 is when I'll be accepting requests and will be writing/posting them throughout

*Please note! The crossed out ones are already taken!

Smut prompts:

1. “Your underwear!? Why would you ask me! I, obviously, don’t have them!”

2. "Oh, my love, the things you do to me."

3. “Such a cute Puppy~ begging for cock like the well trained mutt you are."

4. “You look so good like that, my dear. On your knees, my cock down your throat."

5. "The only thing you’ll every be good for is a tight hole for me to stuff full.”

6. “You're drunk on my cock, aren’t you? You want to be stuffed full till all you can think is my cock in your needy little hole, don’t you?"

7. “Look at you. Cumming from just a vibrator, like a needy whore."

8. “Shut up and get against the wall. I’m fucking you right here in this alley, I don’t care who watches."

9. "Get over my lap. Good, I want the others to watch you get punished. I want them to know who you belong to.”

10. “Maybe you shouldn’t have dressed this way if you didn’t want someone to rip these clothes off."

11. “Don’t squirm, sweetheart. You’re my breeding bitch, now."

12. "Go on, swallow my spit. Be a good little slut."

13. "The only way you're getting off is on my thigh. And don’t you dare think of touching yourself."

14. "Two fingers, too much, baby?"

Yandere Prompts:

15. "I need you to eat. Don't make me set up the feeding tube again."

16. "Unless you want to be put in isolation again, I'd suggest you put down the knife. I'll let ____ know you can't assist in the kitchen for a while."

17. "Did you really think that would work? You know I have to put the shock collar back on now."

18. "Just remember, my hands can wrap all the way around your neck if needed."

19. "Why are you shaking, darling? Are you scared of me?"

20. "I'll take the gag off once you stop screaming."

21. "It's okay, I'll kiss all the pain away, my love. You don't have to worry."

22. "They deserved it for talking to you like that."

23. "You look so pretty in a collar, my perfect little darling."

24. "I wasn't following you, my dear. I was just making sure you were alright."

25. "Stalking? No, these cameras are to watch everything. Not just you... that would be silly..."

26. "I don't care if the ropes hurt, I'm not having you escape again."

27. "Why are you screaming? You know, no one will save you."

28. "Your friends? Darling, they've always hated you, believe me."

Fluff Prompts:

29. "Let's watch the sunset. Just you and me."

30. "I got you these flowers. I thought they matched your eyes."

31. "Are you cold? We can cuddle if you want to."

32. "I'm sorry if this isn't the romantic date you were hoping for..." "____, it's perfect."

33. "You look like you're struggling there. Want me to help?" (Dying/doing ur hair)

34. "You're so (Beautiful/Handsome/Amazing/Other compliments), baby."

35. "I hope my hands aren't too sweaty... Ah! Did I say that out loud?"

36. "Come on, we have time for one more kiss."

37. "Can you paint my nails too...?"

38. "Wow... My outfit looks like shit compared to yours."

39. "Jealous? Pfft, I'm not jealous."

40. "You're my (type of royalty), and I'll treat you like it."

41. "Let's get away from these assholes, hang out alone."

42. "I got you another stuffed animal. What? You can never have too many."

Tagging everyone on my taglist and my mutuals so they can see!! @raphaelsqueen @kipxer @mamaemoemu @sleebykei @vixezn @thejudiciousneurotic @spongejuice and @ju1cyfru1t - Not trying to bother any of you, just want to get the word out

#☆strawb3rrystar follower special #follower special #rise of the tmnt x reader #tmnt bayverse x reader #tmnt x reader #2012 tmnt x reader #teenage mutant ninja turtles x reader #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles x reader #mutant mayhem x reader

37 notes · View notes

tamlinweek · 1 year

Text

Tamlin Creator Appreciation: Fanfiction Authors

Thank you all for your submissions for your favorite Tamlin creators! In the lead up to Tamlin Week (June 18 - 24, click here for prompts and rules!), we wanted to take a minute to highlight some of the amazing authors who have written Tamlin stories in the past. Here are some of the submissions we received, listed by ship, with some honorable mentions:

Tamlin/Briar:

a quiet, distant treasure (when you rise) by @yourethehero

Rating: Mature, Words: 12k (multichapter, ongoing)

Summary: The truth is - Tamlin knows he failed. He knows he could beg, and plead until the sun burned its last flame, and it would get him nowhere. There was only the future, the one he could build for his Court, and for this child.

“I love their fic! It's such a unique take on Tamlin's redemption arc and the interactions between Tamlin and his adoptive daughter are very heartwarming”

Tamlin/Briar Honorable Mentions:

A Dream of Roses by @isterofimias

A Court of Love and Healing by @readingwritingwatching

Tamlin/Feyre:

I Will See You Again by @goforth-ladymidnight

Rating: Teen, Words: 2k (oneshot, complete)

Summary: ACOTAR AU - Mere days before the seven times seven years are up, Tamlin decides to send Feyre back to the mortal lands. A glimpse at what might have happened if Feyre had opened her heart and said those three little words that held more magic than she thought possible.

“This creator is AMAZING, BRILLIANT and a great addition to the pro Tamlin community!”

Tamlin/Lucien:

lovely and lonely by @praetorqueenreyna

Rating: Mature, Words: 24k (multichapter, ongoing)

Summary: "In hindsight, Lucien thinks he fell in love with Tamlin the moment he first laid eyes on him." *** Lucien Vanserra must come to terms with his sexuality, and his complicated feelings for High Lord Tamlin.

“My favorite takes of the characters and Tamlin specifically by far.”

Tamlin/Nesta:

My Sun Shines Upon Me by @toast-com

Rating: N/A, Words: <200 (oneshot, complete), Summary: N/A

“Her creativity and descriptive writing. Tamlin creators, I am high-fiving all of you.”

Tamlin/OC:

Hyacinth by @suckerpunchfemale

Rating: Mature, Words: 90k (multichapter, complete)

Summary: Hyacinth, known as Cin, has seen the once thriving and prosperous Spring Court fall into ruin and lawlessness due to the absence of their High Lord, Tamlin. But after two years of waiting and hoping, Cin has had enough. Can these two trauma survivors, Cin and Tamlin, save each other and their home?

“I don't usually reach for fanfics with OCs, but you can't help but root for Hyacinth (aka Cin) as she tries to fix the very broken Spring Court in the wake of the war on Hybern. What I like about SPF’s portrayal of Tamlin is how she doesn't shy away from showing his suffering, but she doesn't let him wallow in his misery, either. He made mistakes, but he's not the villain here. It's a good and proper redemption arc! :D”

Tamlin/Rhysand:

A Court of Lies and Resurrection by @ashintheairlikesnow

Rating: Explicit, Words: 193k (multichapter, complete)

Summary: AU: Feyre is dead, torn apart by Amarantha when Tamlin did not send her away in time. Tamlin, forced to submit to Amarantha's terms, finds himself looking for help (and finding affection) in places he never expected.

“IT IS THE TAMSAND MULTI CHAPTER FIC!!!!! Their fic actually opened my eyes to Rhys potential post Amarantha which I didn’t realize was POSSIBLE”

Thank you so much to everyone who participated! Look forward to more pro Tamlin content by our wonderful contributors in June!

79 notes · View notes

luxxtuxx · 1 year

Text

'Get Some Rest, My Little Rockstar'

Hobie + Child!Reader THIS WAS SO FUN TO WRITE, I also cried writing this (multiple times) TW: Character death ANYWAYS ENJOY!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was supposed to be a normal day in hobies universe swinging around doing patrol, then a villain struck tearing apart a building. He managed to save a lot of people, but something felt off when he was pulling the last man out of the rubble, his spidey senses were tingling. He followed them. The stronger they got, the more he could hear it. A baby sobbing and screaming. He pushed a large chunk of rubble away to find a little baby in a carrier thrashing around.

He picked up the baby and gently rocked it. "Hey, little rockstar. Dont cry, ill be okay I promise. Spider-Punk has got you" He picked up the carrier and carefully walked out of the rubble. The first thing he did was take you to the hospital to make sure that this little baby was okay. the hospital said that either hobie could keep you or register you into the foster system. Hobie took you with him, he took some cash he had stocked away out. He looked at you, you were gonna be the only thing in his life he wanted consistency of. "C'mon rock star! Let's go find you some punk clothes."

Now, hobie wasn't the type to enjoy dressing up, but finding little baby punk clothes to put you in warmed his heart. You were his pride and joy now. A few months later your first word was 'punk' and after learning a few more words, hobie was called 'papa punk'

You grew up like a chaotically smart devil. Hobie constantly encouraged you to try things, you weren’t a spider person, but HQ loved having you around. Hobie enjoyed watching you try everything, and not stand by and be a cookie-cutter kid. You were allowed to wear whatever you wanted and do what you wanted (Within reason)

By the time you were 8, you had earned a black belt in karate, you could play your mini electric guitar pretty well, had been kicked out of 3 different schools for starting fights, and you could read just under 200 words per minute, and you had a secret cat that Hobie hasn’t found out about for 2 months. People thought that hobies yes as much as possible method would you into a monster, but it didn't you were often extremely kind and well versed in etiquette.

Hobie loved rocking out with you, he enjoyed time with you. He was a classic dad at times, making fun of you in front of your friends, or trying to embarrass you in front of your crush. Watching you grow up was his favorite thing in the whole world... Until 4 years later, an anomaly villain reached his universe, you were doing as you normally did helping old people and little kids evacuate the area. Hobie and then the entire squad including Miguel were helping out. Then it happened, a torn-up pipe the villain had thrown slashed a large cut through your side. Hobie heard you scream and immediately ditched the group to run to you, run to his kid, his pride and joy.

You fell down not having the strength to stand, he caught you in time, "Hey kid, cmon keep them eyes open okay? Im gonna get you to HQ and the nurses are gonna heal you up. hold still." he tried to lift you carefully, he sat you back on the ground after he heard you scream in pain, "Kid, I can't lose you, Stay awake" you weakly pull his mask up, wanting to see his face one last time. "Papa punk, You lived 20 years without me, I'm sure you can do it again" Hobie teared up and hugged you close "Im not gonna let you die." "Hey Dad, can I ask you somethings before I go??" his heart shattered. "Yeah, kid, anything"... he pulled away and kissed your forehead "At any point, even for a second....Did I make you proud?" that question made hobies heart hurt so bad "Every single second of every day you were in my life I was proud of you." you nod. "I don't want to go to Valhalla looking like a loser.... can I borrow your leather jacket for a bit?" hobie took off the jacket and slipped it on you. "Papa punk?" he stares at you, "Smile, I'm your canon event. Events are meant to be fun. Smile once last time for me papa" Hobie forced a weak smile at his child's request, ignoring the tears slipping out of his eyes. "Papa don't cry... You'll ruin your eyeliner" You laugh weakly and hobie smiles a small bit at your laugh... "Im sure you are tired kiddo" he kissed your forehead again as the last breath slipped from your lips

"Get Some Rest, My Little RockStar"

Bonus: Hobie had you cremated and put your ashes in a bunch of resin art so he could walk around his boat and you'd be there with him. He keeps a necklace on him with your ashes inside, every mission he completes. he kisses the small vial and say 'we won'. He still plays the guitar, mostly your favorite songs with a guitar pick he had you paint him when you were little. He made sure you were never alone. He missed you so much, and on the anniversary of your death he didn't take any missions he just sat home and talked out loud about all the amazing things you've missed in the past year, in his mind believing you could hear him.

#hobie headcanons #atsv hobie #hobie spiderverse #hobie brown #im not sorry #spiderpunk #spider punk #spider man: across the spider verse #heavy angst

19 notes · View notes

phil-lesterfan · 7 months

Note

yaoi scholar….. pls i finished the untamed and word of honor what should my next drama be 👀 (happy endings only pls)

also i wanna know your fav bls. if you’ve the time!!

hallo! i didn't mean to let this sit for so long, but i've been using my phone more and don't like answering asks there. i don't actually know many cdramas, but i've got other dramas to rec, if that's alright!

(C/K/J)DRAMAS/LAKORNS:

sotus & sotus s (thai)*

history3: trapped (taiwanese)

seven days (japanese)*

manner of death (thai)*

restart after coming back home (japanese)*

together with me (thai)

long time no see (korean)

semantic error (korean)*

you can watch 2moons2 for the full story, but honestly, the original 2moons mingkit cut is everything to me (thai)*

*based off novel/manga/manhwa

20 of my fav bls under the cut :)

initially, i was going to call it my "top 10", but it's not my top ten, it's just favs that i really love or think you (sara) would also enjoy. so it's just 20 "random" favs. if you (general) want, i can upload the 200+ long list and even include "reviews" of my favourites, but i'll only do that upon request. also here's my blanket rec for mxtx's works. svsss is my fav. i'm very easy. thank you <3

20 OF MY FAV BLS:

sotus is very dear to my heart. i watched it right before i went to university, so it really set that mood for me lol it's not a perfect story, the audio is shit at some parts, and the acting was sometimes stiff, but when the show hit, my fucking god did it HIT. of course i roped all my friends into watching it. it was based on a novel, but the novel didn't particularly stand out to me (sorry). there's also a manga now (3 vols) but i'm just loyal to the show, y'know? it also has a sequel, and that one made one of my friend cry (i actually had to pause the show lol), but for me, the first season is what's rly stellar. (lakorn / rewatches: 4? 5? a lot?)

sasaki and miyano by syou harusono is such an easy read, with lovely art, cute characters, and the softest, sweetest romance. it makes me feel like i've been hit by a car, then the car backed up and drove over me again. sasaki is the light of my life (and also if i looked like him, i'd never shut up. and i project just a little bit too bc oh he just like me fr), and everyday i think about making him my pfp. i owe syou harusono my life. i want to say more about this bc it rly is my fav manga perhaps of all time but that also means i can't say more about it LOL (manga / rereads: 6)

the cat proposed (bakeneko katatte sourou) by hayane dento is quite possibly the best manga i've ever read. the writing is so beautiful, and it's a really relatable and inspiring story for me. plus it's got catboys. *motions to my dnp catboy pfp* but in all seriousness, it's a genuinely great story that squeezes my heart and leaves me in tears (manga / rereads: 5)

doukyuusei is a certified bl classic. i've not read the entire manga series, but i've got the anime film saved to my laptop. that was another thing i roped all my friends into watching, and yes, everyone was gagged (animanga / rewatches: 4?)

koimonogatari by tagura tohru is incomplete, and the "love" part isn't there yet, but my fucking god. i think i just picked it up for funsies at the bookstore, but man was i unprepared. it's not a fun read by any means, nor is it easy, it's actually pretty brutal, but it's a good story, so i felt i should include it. (it is one of my faves) (manga / rereads: none bc i will kill myself.)

summer of you (kimi wa natsu no naka) by furuya nagisa changed me. it was one of those manga that was in my to read list for a really long time, but i just never did it. when i finally did, i totally regret putting it off. i think i cried. it has a sequel (summer with you), and that was good too, but that first one just really got me (manga / rereads: 1)

fools by yeongha has an art style i will forever be jealous of. the original, that is. i'm sure the remastered version is great, and probably the one i should read, but i'm just way too attached to the original and the art is (in my opinion) way better. the story is fun and sweet, and i read it at another formative time in my life. *jazz hands* (manhwa / rereads: 3)

my darling signed in by dimang and new lung. if there's one thing about me, i'm gonna read a video game catfish story. this manhwa is so fucking ridiculous, but i love it. it actually gets pretty dark, which took me by surprise the first time i read it, but it's not between the main cp, if you're worried about that (manhwa / rereads: 3)

dasadanan by herb mandu also has just lovely art. i can just stare at it for ages bc i'm so obsessed. also there's side gl, and i love those two girls so damn much. the story is very easy to read, fluffy, and it's just good feelings all around. it also has some really silly extras. (manhwa / rereads: 4)

history3: trapped is so... it is also dear to me. the main couple is funny and cute; however, it's the side couple that really gets to me. they're so ridiculous and fun, and the actor for zhao zi is an acrobat? does acrobatic dance? i'm not sure exactly, but they wanted to showcase that so he'd just be doing some random gymnast shit for no reason and it's so funny. and jack was made in a lab for me, so. y'know. (drama / rewatches: 2, about to be 3)

glasses cloth and playlist by gwak jonpil was recommended to me by a friend i believe, and i'm so glad i read it. it's another easy read and also very ridiculous, but when i say something is "ridiculous", that's usually a huge compliment. i LOLed at, like, every other panel. the main cp is so damn ridiculous, and i adore them. (manhwa / rereads: 1)

starting with a lie by liang azha has the softest art i've ever seen. that manhua is like a warm hug, if a warm hug also had you gritting your teeth and clenching your fists because GODDAMN JUST GET TOGETHER FOR REAL ALREADY! i love it. oh, but i don't like qiu tian. sorry. (manhua / rereads: 2)

how to survive as a villain by yi yi yi yi is... look, i'm sure it has flaws, right? every story has flaws, but wherever they are, i did not see them. i mean, it's a little bit ridiculous at times, but again, "ridiculous", and the mc was transmigrated into a once-good now-trashy harem novel. and he's also smart but oblivious. bound to be a little bit silly. but also this novel ripped out my heart and stomped on it. and i thought it wouldn't happen with the manhua, but i cried then too. what the hell. i really enjoyed this story, and i think it's what got me into transmigration stories in general :P (danmei / rereads: 2)

a shoulder to cry on by dongmul. okay. OKAY. this is not a "happy" story to most. also the ending without the extras/epilogue is bittersweet to ambiguous. the issue here is that I LOVE ENDINGS LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!! this story is so damn good and i like the art a lot and god, some of the quotes? every time i reach certain scenes i have to pause and stare at the wall because no fucking way. it's just too good. i should go ahead and warn that the couple doesn't have the healthiest of dynamics and their relationship starts bc one of them lies and accuses the other of sexual harassment, so. i'm just letting you know now. but i let myself have toxic yaoi. as a treat. tbh to me it's not that bad, but i know everyone has different intensity levels, so. (manhwa / rereads: 3)

never understand by bbong is an... interesting read. arguably more toxic yaoi, and everyone at times can be kind of awful and annoying, but i think that's fun. sorry. i vividly remember reading this for the first time. for some reason. also, as with a good amount of manhwa that i read in my more formative years, i like this art style. (manhwa / rereads: 1)

semantic error by j soori and angy kim is a lot more graphic and hardcore (sex-wise) than the kdrama, which makes sense, but like... DAMN! my toxic trait is that every three panels i pause and go "hey does anyone else think these guys look like jaedo?" and the sniper that's supposed to shoot me any time i bring up rps lets me live because i'm objectively right. the characters are so damn infuriating, but i like watching car crashes, so it's alright. plus the art is good and, well, i never said i don't ship jaedo. *glass next to me explodes after a bullet cuts through it* whatever! (rereads: none bc it ended not that long ago. but i'll probably reread it soon)

no.6 by asano atsuko and here comes all the haters being like, "oh, that's not bl!" "that's more than bl!" "[some more dumb shit i don't care about]!" suck my pussy. i don't care. i loooove the novels and hope we get a printed official english translation. people are right to say the romance isn't the focus, but it's there, and honestly, i love plotty shit. i've heard it's supposed to be the "happy version" of banana fish or whatever the fuck, but damn if that's not a fucked up version of happy. i sobbed my fucking eyes out (novel & animanga / rereads: 2)

snow fairy by serizawa tomo. i'm not gonna lie, i don't remember this story, but on my big list it has a heart next to it, and i feel like i cried when i read it. i've said i've cried about like half of these, and i cry when i see something cute or when i think about my blorbo or when a song is pretty, so that means nothing. but this one really got to me! i think it was just a simple story with lovely art. it aches, maybe. actually, i've just found my initial review, which reads: "im so miserable....." (rereads: none, but i'd like to reread it asap)

bj alex by mingwa. insert loud and disappointed "ooh" from the crowd bc really, phil-lesterfan? i thought you were a scholar? with taste? LOOK. i know this is a basic manhwa, and i couldn't give a rat's ass about the side cp, but ahn jiwon somehow became pookie. it is agonising, though, 'cause like i said, i don't care about the side cp, but oh my fucking god, it feels like everyone else only cares about them. shoot me. also the side cp is into bdsm, but you can skip over their shit honestly. (rereads: 2)

aien catharsis by oshima kamome was another manga that'd been in my tbr list for ages. i really like how the story feels. aaaaand i just reread it and ah. i see why it affected me. (if you can guess what line stuck out to me, lmk, i'd love to hear it heh) it's historical fiction and has lovely art. tw for sexual assault, but it's not between the cp and it's also not shown. (manga / rereads: 2)

like i said, i have a lot more favs, so if anyone wants the full list, just ask. or if you don't want the full list, i can give rec lists for certain genres or just manga or just danmei, etc, etc. i know i'm in batman hell right now (ah. western yaoi....), but i've been fujoshing since i was like... ten. okay this is of course way longer than it should be. hope u enjoy if you read any of these ^_^ <3

#ask #it was SO HARD not to give honorable mentions #bc it's like. well . it shouldn't be a mention if it's another fav #anyway i'm sorry for having questionable tastes and liking unhealthy pairings. well. i'm not sorry but i'll say it anyway

6 notes · View notes

pennyplainknits · 4 months

Text

20 questions for writers

@steddie-island tagged me

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

171, split between fic, podfic, and vids. If all my podfic was up there it would be a lot more, I think I'm in the 200s for podfic but a lot of it is just at the audiofic archive

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

Today I learned AO3 has a stats panel (I'm generally pretty anti tracking anything like that, I don't look at subscribers or kudos or whatever). Anyway it's 690,677

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I'm incredibly multifannish. It would take too long to list them all but they include Stranger Things, Star Wars, Star Trek, Stargate:Atlantis, Bandom, Hockey RPF, Merlin. psych, Leverage, White Collar, Schitts Creek, Kim's Convenience, Torchwood, and probably many more I've forgotton.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Again, had no idea this was a thing you could tell!

Lord Drake's Bequest (a Merlin fic)

Sweet, Sweet Love (which is a collaborative hockey rpf podfic)

All New Kinds of Weather (Hockey rpf)

Everyone Sings Hallelujah (Hockey rpf)

Je Te Veux (collaborative art, fic and podfic for Inception)

I assume the kudos for the two podfics is actually for the written fic.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! It sometimes takes a while but I cherish each one and do try and respond. Comments are so valuable to me.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Conflagration a very short Cody/Obi-Wan fic that is kind of an Au of a Au (the main au is Soft Wars by @thefoundationproject) It has a bittersweet open ending and I'm still very pleased with it.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I don't generally write sad fics I don't think? One that i'm pleased with because i think it did exactly what I wanted is Sourwood Mountain, a Stranger Things fic focussing on Wayne Munson. I think saving your nephew with the power of Appalachian folk music counts as a happy ending!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not that I know of! I did get a few disappointed comments on one of my fics as it ran counter to a very popular slash pairing but I don't think that counts as hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes! I'm not sure how you'd characterise it- I guess I'm interested in sex scene that tell you something about the person, and in different kinds of queer- I'm so pleased with How Sweet the Taste for example, because I wanted to write a very queer sex scene between a man and a woman, one of whom is a lesbian.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Yes! Love a cracky crossover. I've written Inception- Batman crossovers, Stargate:Atlantis- Torchwood crossovers, I'm pretty sure I've written a psych-Leverage one....

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

A very long time ago someone turned one of my Merlin fics into .... I think a soccer rpf? But they took it down when I asked.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yep, both formally (two of those fics in the kudos list were co-written) and informally in that I often bat ideas around with friends as I write and I find that vital for the writing process.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

There's no way I can pick one!

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I'd really like to finish this Anakin vid I'm working on, but it's a very long song and one without a lot of motion in, which is proving a challenge

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm funny. I also think I'm good at making the physical environment clear in fic- like my fics have a strong sense of place.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I feel I'm often arguing with a bad-faith reader in my head, which can mean it's hard to sometimes leave things unsaid.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i can't honestly say I have any! Star Wars fic often has Mando'a in it, so I'm used to seeing it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Published? Stargate:Atlantis. Drawerfic....you'll have to guess.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I've written so many it's hard to pick! I like Liked it, Put a Ring on it which is a Schitts Creek fic, as I think I nailed the (very distinctive) voices of the characters. I also like Just Like Kisses on the Necks of Best Friends, the Mike Wheeler character study because I love that little guy.

Gosh that was a lot of words!

Tagging anyone who wants to do it!

#ask game #penny talks

2 notes · View notes

mannatea · 1 year

Text

Like Starlight, a Tales of Symphonia ‘fic

Words: 5,424 words Summary: Aithra Brunel is sixteen when she accepts the oracle and her new title: Sylvarant’s Chosen of Regeneration. Pairing/Character: Aithra/Cecil (OC) Warnings: Fantasy Racism, Character Death Rating: T Genre: Budding romance, tragedy.

The title is the link to Ao3.

Notes are under a cut.

Welcome to the world of me just making up everything. We know very little of Aithra or her family aside from the fact that they know what her fate is (just as Colette's family knows hers) and Phaidra is her little sister. I imagined a secluded little life for her in Iselia.

I'm sure other branches of the mana lineage live elsewhere in Sylvarant, but Iselia is so specifically hailed as the Village of Oracles with the non-aggression treaty and the temple close by, that it feels like this has been the home of the main part of the mana lineage for at least the last 200 years.

Also, selfishly, presenting her journey in the same order as Colette's should make it seem more familiar to anyone reading.

Colette has a surprising amount of freedom in her life, attending school and having friends, so I thought about how Phaidra might have influenced that as the family matriarch. I really grew attached to the idea of Aithra being sheltered and protected, and the regrets her parents might have felt when she left to die anyway, that they had never given her any freedoms. Phaidra may have grown up knowing about these regrets, and tried to do better for her daughter, and then for Colette too.

Snowfeather was the name of a long-haired white cat my family had when I was young.

Gooseberries are great. And gooseberry jam sure is something. I think it's stated somewhere that fruit is pretty rare in Sylvarant, due to the declining mana, so I imagine berry-bearing bushes are the go-to for things like jams. Even then, nothing is in bountiful supply.

I wanted the jam to feel like a very meaningful gift. Mother knows it's her favorite and worked really hard to get enough for a little jar for her journey because it was all she could do.

I can't begin to imagine how the parents feel in this situation. Terrible, I bet.

Aithra is pretty tall (like 5'10''+) and athletically built.

I gave her a spear because I didn't do any research on what she might have actually used (and I like the idea that the Chosen gets to pick their weapon of choice).

Her wings being silver is because I said so, and I wanted to make sure she felt different from everyone else we know who has manawings.

Cecil! I put him in my modern Aselia story as an artist Aithra loved when she was younger, and I decided to stick with that idea for him here, though the world doesn't really have space for an artist.

I gave him silver hair and eyes because I wanted to give them something like an instant connection, and this allowed for that with Aithra's worry-stone and the wings she's recently acquired.

The history of the character doesn't really explain how he was able to sneak in with the priests and even pretend to be one, so I decided if she really saved his life per the extra material, then it's possible he joined her on her journey.

From an outside perspective it seems unlikely that he would be allowed to join them, being a half-elf and all, but Aithra is a very faithful and devout Chosen, and has never given them cause to doubt her. It helps that she only meets Cecil because he is nearly killed; it seems clear he's not a Desian spy or anything.

Also, I think there might be something to be said about her being 16 and marching faithfully toward her death that makes them loosen the reins a bit. It doesn't really matter if she holds hands with a boy so long as she fulfills her duty.

Trust and Obey is a popular hymn, and I very nearly named the story after it. Had I been writing a much longer version of this story, I might have used the title to parallel Aithra's trust and obedience with Cecil's lack of these things at the end. While I did cover this theme in the story, the connection isn't as strong as I might have wanted to feel comfortable using this as a title.

(Even though I no longer associate myself with the religion of my youth, I do still find some comfort and a lot of joy in many of the old hymns. This one is not a particular favorite, but I grew up singing it and for that reason alone it makes me feel something.)

For the record, having a religious background makes writing devoutly religious characters easier. I spent the majority of my life in the church, and one thing we often discussed at length was Jesus's death. There is never a point in the Bible where it is implied that Jesus goes to his death happily. In these verses Jesus goes to the Gardens of Gethsemane:

38 Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me. 39 And he went a little farther, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.

I like the way the Chosen's journey sort of parallels this sacrifice for the greater good/sins of others, and while I imagine many Chosens are willing to walk the path they've been born into without outward complaint, even for the most devout there comes a time when they wrestle with the weight of the burden they bear.

I found it interesting that Zelos and Colette both have long hair, and so does Martel. Phaidra does too, though she wears it up. It makes me think this is an important tradition, so I used it here.

There is something so so awful about her losing her mind the moment she loses her sense of touch, and I like to imagine it's more than her cruxis crystal doing this to her.

And if you think losing her mind when she loses her sense of touch is bad, I don't know, there is just something so incredibly terrible about her then losing her ability to speak. I imagine she is locked up in her body fighting and afraid.

Colette says at one point she cannot cry, but I like think for Colette that wasn't a physical restriction so much as born of other issues. For Aithra, she can just keep on crying, but eventually her voice is silenced. I think it makes the most sense to only lose the ability to cry when one's heart and memories are gone; then there is nothing to remember and nothing to long for and nothing to cry about any longer.

Excuse me for showing that Aithra is still in there, sometimes. She understands more than Cecil even realizes. It's just that she knows how this journey ends, so his hope is overwhelmingly tragic to her and now she can't even find her voice to tell him the truth.

Anyway, I didn't want the last part of this story to feel entirely hopeless, and I wanted to foreshadow the fact that Aithra will come to his defense when she sees him fighting for her.

The idea of Remiel using judgment to destroy the priests and Cecil was too iconic and fascinating to not use.

The true tragedy of this story is that after Aithra dies, the official story that reaches the world is that she was killed by Desians.

If you made it through the story I would really appreciate feedback on it. This isn't the kind of thing I usually write (so I'm a little nervous about posting it).

And if I'm being honest, it made me really like these characters. If I had any drawing skill worth a damn, I'd illustrate this. Sadly (or perhaps thankfully), I don't possess the skill. So you are free from my madness for now.

Thank you for reading!

#aithra brunel #tales of symphonia #mannafics

10 notes · View notes

silcoitus · 2 years

Text

lost some writing. whoops.

So I just realized that I lost some scenes for TMSA I had written ages ago. This was back when I was using Scrivener to write. I would write on there and then back it up to Google Docs. But then, once I started actually having my chapters beta'ed on Google Docs, keeping the two "manuscripts" got too unwieldy. That and the fact I couldn't write from my phone—because there's no Android app for Scrivener—led to me switching to just Google Docs.

At one point, I deleted the Scrivener project without checking and it included some scenes written for end-game chapters. Part of me is a little sad, but another part of me thinks this is good because now I'm not tied down to those scenes. Especially because I've been feeling like they didn't quite fit anymore given how the story has progressed. I was becoming more and more unsure about those scenes anyway and probably would've felt like I was shoehorning them in instead of them happening organically. One saving grace too is they were very short scenes. We're talking maybe 200 words max.

Idk where I'm going with this. I guess I'm like weirdly happy I lost those scenes.

Anyway, I've been working on TMSA 17 and I am soooooo happy with where the story is progressing. So, so happy. I can't wait for everyone to see where it's all heading.

#silcoitus #silcoitus rambles #tmsa #silcoitus update

8 notes · View notes

bright-bluejay · 2 years

Text

Grief

My first poem was written back in middleschool

Back when life was a larger being sitting on my chest.

Chests full of paperclips, pencils sharp as a knife

Crumpled bits of paper lamenting my tiny life

I wrote my first poem. Attention all I wanted,

About a miserable masquerade and how my facade was disregarded.

Dancing in a ball with all the participants wearing masks,

Mine starting to crack, writing to avoid relapse.

Showed it to everyone I knew, hoping they'd see through

Tell me I did good and provide the comfort I craved.

I don't remember what happened next, or really even how they responded.

All I know is that that's how it all started.

Songs, journals, stories and poems.

Notes app graveyard discussing oncoming doom.

Burning and smoke, echo and choke

Broken into shards and hands reaching for the stars

All these motifs I use even to this day,

I wish I could be more creative, find other ways to convey

My thoughts, my experiences, all my pain and strife.

My emotions trapped between lines of code and flesh.

Even to this day it's rare that it's happy, what my poems have to say.

My Miserable Masquerade, my first healthy outlet

It's been a journey since then, and oh how I've strayed.

Frenzied tapping of fingers against glass screen

My way of a 3 am silent tormenting scream.

I'd write 10 poems a day, then not write for years.

I'm still like that, always suprised when I find it can help ease the tears

Yet still stressed over how to rules my writing rarely adheres.

I fear judgment from others, how they might say what I write is obscene.

That's really fucking stupid though, nobody ever said the language of poetry can't be extreme.

I guess I've still got those 6th grade lessons stuck in my head,

How cursing's a sign of idiocy, my teachers would have said.

However that's not what the main idea of this is supposed to be.

(I always have a hard time staying on topic)

From 7th to 10th grade, I wrote over 200 poems in quickmemo on my first device.

My only way of remembering what the horrors of youth had forced me to forget.

Come 2020 my father lost his job. We had to switch plans, and with that our phones.

I always said I'd transfer them, but I never really did.

Two years later I found that device cracked, dusty and dead.

It's my own fault really, I was too busy to bother.

Still, I lost a huge piece of my history, a huge piece of what was supposedly me when I was younger.

I managed to save one, the one most important.

Or at least to the best of my knowledge it is, I wouldn't know,

I'm ashamed to say that almost all of them I've forgotten.

At poem 100 is when the dream first formed,

My childhood desire to write my own book, to become an author.

To see to others what my poems had to offer.

Just as I began, i realized i wanted to be seen.

To hear others read my words, and say to themselves, "That's me!"

That's what I said at least, and a piece of that was really the truth.

In actuality I still wanted someone to read my words and see that that's what was truely me.

I'm not that way now, or at least that's what I claim.

Whatever helps me sleep at night I guess.

Lying awake all that's left to try is to lie to myself.

That a piece of me isn't missing,

That I haven't lost all sense of former self.

My memory's a colour gradient with a dark hole in the center.

("Oooh how edgy!" Trust me I know.)

No bridging the gap between the person I was born as to who I am now.

We are two separate people, though my older poems suggest even more.

I am always new and ever-changing,

left disconnected from this experience of life without that record to keep me on track.

This life isn't as crushing as the first, I don't feel that weight on my chest anymore.

Though to the chest of my old emotions a key I now lack.

I'm free, I'm a passing breeze. Yellows and golds and finally at ease.

I still feel the weight whenever I think too hard about who I used to be.

That chest is locked at the bottom of the abyss.

That doesn't mean I cant feel it rattling, it doesnt mean it no longer exists.

Withheld from me is another person's grief.

Lost with the 200 poems, all except for the first one detailing my fractured selves,

I lie awake at night left in an attempt of lying to myself.

Pretending I'm whole, pretending that there's no gaping hole.

Pretending that even if there is, it's okay because I can always write more poems.

#ceramic mug poetry #poetry #original poem #creative writing #original poetry #original writing #my writing #poem #poets on tumblr #writers on tumblr #artists on tumblr #spilled ink #spilled poetry #grief poem #grief #long reads #long poem

11 notes · View notes

akechi-stole-my-heart · 2 years

Text

remember (remember) annotations because why the hell not

I've always wanted to make annotations for something I've written and I figured this would be a good opportunity, since this is a short and yet somewhat complex fic with a lot of parallelism/references. I'm writing this for the hell of it and because I think it'll be fun, I'm guessing it'll be pretty long and so for that reason I'm putting the rest under the cut. Without further ado, here are annotations for my recent 2k word one shot persona 5 fic remember that you can't save everyone (remember that you have to try).

part one: the writing process

My writing process varies for each project. I definitely tend more towards outlining, but this fic was somewhat of an exception for me. Since I knew it was going to be so short and very dialogue-heavy, I basically just had the rough idea planned out when I started drafting. Normally I might outline the whole thing, if not on paper then in a note or at least in my head, all in great detail. For this fic, I decided to write it on a whim, so there wasn't much time for the outlining stage.

I wrote the first draft in chunks of 500-ish words at a time over the course of a single night, pausing whenever I hit a roadblock or a good temporary endnote and returning to it a bit later. My drafting process is pretty basic. I tend to hyperfixate on whatever I'm writing and get into a flow state--and if I can't reach that flow state, I struggle to write anything at all. The words just kind of come to me, usually even a bit faster than I can write them (though I've started to catch up with my typing more recently--it helps that I write on my phone more often than not these days and I'm a lot faster that way).

Once the first draft was finished, I let it sit overnight, and since I was hyperfixating on it, I started work on the second draft basically right away once I woke up and kept working on it until it was done. Normally I don't work nearly this fast, but it helped that this was a hyperfixation-driven fic and that it was so short and simple.

My editing process is basically just a lot of rereading, tweaking/reordering/deleting/rewriting until I have something I'm happy with. In this case, I added about 200 words worth and deleted a lot of dialogue that I didn't think worked or didn't sound therapist-y enough. It's extremely hard writing Maruki's dialogue--just in general, but especially when he's in therapist mode.

The following is an example of the changes passages go through from the first draft to once its completed. The first draft is in italics, anything I cut is struck through, and anything I added is in bold.

Kurusu sniffles, and there's another long silence. Takuto gets up to refill his water glass in the meantime. While digging in the fridge, he ends up grabbing a beer too. Takuto tucks the phone between his cheek and shoulder to pick up his water glass and carry both back to his room.

He hates knowing Kurusu is suffering while so utterly helpless. He wishes more than anything he could do to something other than offer what must sound like empty platitudes.

After a long while Kurusu takes a deep breath and sighs. "Thank you, Doctor Maruki. I think I feel a little better now."

"I'm glad to hear it. If you ever need me, please, call me, at any time of day. Don't ever feel like you're bothering me."

"I'll keep that in mind."

Takuto runs his hands through his hair, a tiny bit of tension dissipating–but most of it remains.

Takuto sets the drinks down on his bedside table. He grabs his phone with one hand and runs the other through his hair. "Would you like to talk about anything else?"

"No. I'm good now. Promise."

"I'm glad to hear that. If you ever need me, please, call me, at any time of day. Don't ever feel like you're bothering me."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"All right. Don't forget what I said, Kurusu-kun. It's natural to be feeling a lot of conflicting emotions right now. If you ever need to talk it out more I'm here. It's okay to need help navigating the this grieving process."

"Yeah. Thanks." A door opens, and Takuto assumes Kurusu is headed back up to the attic for the night. "Goodnight, Doctor Maruki."

"Goodnight, Kurusu-kun."

Kurusu hangs up. Takuto sighs, allowing himself to slump forward and hold his head in his hands. He's so helpless. Not only with Kurusu, but also with his Kurusu's friends, and everyone else. At least with those like Rumi and Sumire Yoshizawa he'd been able to help, but the rest of them…there's nothing he can do. Absolutely nothing. Takuto opens the beer bottle and takes a swig.

I reordered the dialogue in one instance because I realized it sounded like Maruki was ending the call before Akira gave any indication that he was better/done talking, and it surprisingly still worked without having to change much. As you can see, there's a lot more added than subtracted. I'm an underwriter, and I wanted to break up the dialogue and indicate Maruki's what reaction was to what Akira told him through his actions. The rest of the changes are pretty small and were tweaked during the final few proofreads before I posted the fic on ao3.

Fun fact, I was debating for a long time whether he should refer to Sumi as Sumire or Kasumi in his head (on one hand, she believes she's Kasumi because of him and maybe he wants to respect that, on the other hand he's well aware she's not Kasumi and only believes that because he made her do so), before I remembered he pretty much exclusively refers to her as Yoshizawa out loud in the game and that that worked as a good compromise.

part two: commentary

Now we get to the fun part! This part is going to be pretty much nonsense unless you've read the fic already, so I recommend you go do that first, and then you can come back here. I'm going to take out passages and explain my thought process behind them/any parallels/deeper meaning behind them. This might take some of the magic out of it in the same way explaining a joke takes away its humor, so if you'd rather not see this peek behind the curtain, I understand.

Her back is to him, but she's closer than she's ever been. If only he could get her attention–Takuto reaches out, and he could swear, the tips of his fingers graze the back of her head, just barely tousling her hair. She's so close.

Bzzt.

Takuto is ripped away from her.

The fic opens with a dream Maruki is having of attempting to reach Rumi. This is pretty straightforward--he misses her and wants her back in his life, but he knows that's impossible, so he can't reach her no matter how hard he tries. I started here because I wanted to remind the reader where his mindset is at and the trauma that's led him to this place as context for the rest of the fic.

He fumbles with the phone, nearly accidentally rejecting the call as he struggles not to drop it. He manages to press accept and presses the phone to his ear.

I love how awkward and clumsy Maruki is. I headcanon him as ADHD and I tried to reflect that in this fic by describing how restless he is later on, constantly pacing around his room as he and Akira talk. But anyway, as for this little section I wanted to include his clumsiness without breaking the tone of the fic, so this happens early on before the more serious stuff happens and it'd be jarring to hear about Maruki stumbling around.

"Kurusu-kun?" he tries.

Silence. Then, a very soft and quiet, "...Yeah."

"Is everything alright?"

More silence. An even softer, "No."

Takuto switches on his lamp. Kurusu has never called him before, let alone in the middle of the night. Whatever this is about, it's serious, and he's trusted Takuto with it above anyone else. "Do you want to talk about it?" Kurusu mumbles something inaudible. "I'm afraid I couldn't make out–"

"I'm sorry," Kurusu says. "I didn't realize it was this late. It's nothing. Forget I even–"

While Akira is the one who called, I wanted to make it clear that he was hesitant about talking to Maruki, since I think it's in character for him to be afraid of making himself a burden. He called because he was so overwhelmed with emotion and immediately regretted it, and he continues to be hesitant to share his feelings for the rest of the fic. He just isn't used to talking about them out loud with anyone, not even his own counselor.

"We don't have to talk about anything if you prefer. I'll sit on the line with you until it's safe to hang up."

"It's not like that." Kurusu's words come out rushed, almost panicked, like he's desperate to clear up a misunderstanding.

"Like what?"

"I don't want to hurt myself. Or…whatever."

Oh, Akira. He called Maruki in the middle of the night and yet he's still worried about making Maruki worry about him. He doesn't want Maruki to think he's weak, either. My sweet, sweet child and his debilitating hero complex and aversion to vulnerability...

There's more quiet sniffling from the other side. "I'm sorry," repeats Kurusu. "I'm so sorry…"

Somehow, Takuto doesn't think Kurusu is talking to him anymore.

This is probably my favorite moment in the fic. Akira has already been apologizing, but this is the moment he breaks and starts talking about Akechi, even if he doesn't fully realize it himself yet. My baby boy and his overwhelming crushing guilt. ;-;

Kurusu's apologies deteriorate into sobbing. Takuto listens silently, his heart aching for the kid who helped him so much with his research. He swears to himself, right then and there, that he'll do whatever is in his power to end Kurusu's suffering, no matter what.

Here's the first obvious parallel between Maruki and Akira--they both want to save everyone else. In fact, they believe its their duty to do so, to their own detriment. There's another parallel in here too, with Maruki feeling like he owes Akira for how much he's helped him in his research. I think Akira feels the same way about owing people, since his confidants are all structured as give-and-take deals.

More creaking steps. A squeaky door opens and shuts. Kurusu sighs softly. "I took us back down to the bathroom. I don't want to wake Mona and…the café isn't exactly…um. Forget it. It doesn't matter."

Takuto sets that aside. It's not important right now that he understand Kurusu's situation, so long as he's comfortable where he's at. "Are you feeling any better, Kurusu-kun?"

"Um. I guess?" A pause. He sighs. "No, not really. I'm not." He sniffs again. His next words are muffled, almost unintelligible. "Ugh, fuck."

Obvious reference to Futaba's bugs is obvious.

Since I'm not sure how clear Akira's side of things is from Maruki's perspective, I'll just explain it here. Akira left to "clean himself up" in the bathroom after crying. In reality, the moment he tried to calm down, he just ended up breaking down all over again and cried for almost five minutes. Eventually he forcibly gathered himself so he could be coherent for Maruki and prevent him from worrying about him too much. Akira is assuming when he goes back upstairs to retrieve his phone that he'll be able to have better control of his emotions now that he's let himself cry for a bit. Him saying "fuck" is when he realizes that's not the case, and he hasn't regained his composure the way he thought he did. He's already on the verge of crying all over again.

"No, it's not–I just. I don't…really…talk to people. Anyone. About this stuff. Or…anything." He pauses. "I just…I mean, last month, I went through hell, and even then, I didn't–I didn't talk to anyone. Because I was fine! It was okay. I was okay. But now I'm just–I'm falling apart, and–" He breaks down again, starts to cry. "Goddammit. I shouldn't be–I'm sorry, I never should have called you."

Akira's partially convincing himself he was fine, of course. Akechi's death was just the straw that broke the camel's back (though it was a really huge straw). In a way, though, he's not lying either, because Akira just. cares more about others than he does himself. He can deal with his own suffering and trauma--its the suffering and death of his friend that breaks him.

Takuto wants something to chew on–something to distract himself from this listlessness he feels just listening to Kurusu, unable to help him in any meaningful, measurable way. He settles for the inside of his cheek.

"ADHD Maruki loves his snacks" but angst.

"He was right there," Kurusu continues, "but I couldn't do anything. And then it was too late, and…it's all my fault. I should have done something. I should have reached out sooner, but I didn't know what to do. Maybe if I wasn't so helpless and stupid I could have stopped him but now he's gone and it's all my fault."

Takuto waits until he's sure Kurusu's finished. "Forgive me if my assumption is incorrect, but this friend…did he take his own life?"

Kurusu laughs, and he hasn't sounded more miserable all night than he does now. "Yeah. Something like that."

Yeah. I mean, that's really the only way for Maruki to understand Akechi's death at this point. Once again, Akira blames himself and unrightfully puts all the responsibility on his own shoulders when the circumstances were out of his control. Remind you of anyone else?

"You don't need to apologize," Takuto repeats. He takes a breath and sits back down on his bed. "I'm terribly sorry for what happened to your friend. It's a horrible thing to lose someone that way. But it's important to accept that sometimes circumstances are out of our control and there's nothing we could have done to save them."

Maruki take your own advice challenge (IMPOSSIBLE!)

Seriously, though, Maruki having a double standard for himself and everyone else, where he breaks every rule he sets for his ideal reality because he is the exception, he is the one who must suffer for the sake of everyone else, is so incredibly interesting and tragic to me and I wanted to explore that here. How it doesn't even occur to him to take his own advice because of course it doesn't apply to him. He's the one who must save everyone, because he's the only one who can.

Of course, that complex of his gets a whole lot worse once he's offered the power of a god.

"What do you think he'd say to you now, if he were here?"

"Um…well." Kurusu sighs. "He'd…tell me to move on. That it's stupid to blame myself and that he made his choice."

"He'd want you to forgive yourself and live on for him, then?"

"Yeah. Yeah, he would."

Maruki, that's an incredibly generous way to put what Akechi would have to say if he saw Akira crying over him. (He's not wrong, though. That is what Akechi would want, even if that's far from how he'd put it himself.)

"You're a very strong young man, Kurusu-kun. You've endured so much this past year, trials you didn't deserve to face. And yet you've triumphed over them every time. That deserves recognition. It's okay to need help. Losing a friend to suicide is not an easy thing to deal with."

"Yeah. I just…" His voice lowers again. "I wish he were still here. I miss him so much."

"I know."

Okay, there's a lot going on here.

First of all--Akira is definitely misinterpreting Maruki's words right here. Maruki means to be saying that Akira's already dealt with so much that its okay to need help, but he's unintentionally supporting the narrative that Akira's been told by so many other adults. "You're so strong and capable and mature, it's incredibly impressive"--and Akira is internalizing this as they have high expectations for me, I can't fail them. He's seen as strong and capable so he's not ever allowed to be anything less. Its another way that the one adult Akira thought he could rely on ends up failing him by putting far, far too much on his shoulders.

This is something Maruki consistently does throughout the confidant by turning the person he should be counseling into his therapist, and later by placing the fate of the world on Akira's shoulders by forcing him to make the decision of which reality to subject the whole world to all by himself. This isn't a choice Akira should be forced to make, and yet Maruki is making him do it anyway, because he sees Akira as the ultimate arbiter of true justice. Akira is seen as incredibly mature and capable for his age by every adult he befriends and they each tell him so, which absolutely cannot be healthy for a sixteen year old kid to hear.

Second of all--"I wish he were still here." There it is. Akira's wish, everyone. The phrasing was entirely intentional. This is how Maruki finds out about Akechi's death. Once he gains access to Mementos and learns what happened in Shido's Palace (likely through Shido's Shadow), he puts two and two together and realizes the "friend" Akira must have been talking about was Akechi. This is how Maruki knew.

And here's the thing. Akira hates being vulnerable already. This phone call was incredibly difficult for him to make as it was. And now, because he talked to his therapist and told him something so deeply personal--that's why Akechi's brought back. That's why he's forced to go through the trauma of 2/2 and let Akechi die all over again. This is Maruki's ultimate betrayal, to use Akira's vulnerability as a weapon against him and hold Akechi hostage.

I believe Maruki when he says he doesn't want to do this to Akira. But that didn't stop him from doing it anyway. Because he believed his reality was worth putting that huge of a burden on Akira's shoulders, one he'll have to live with for the rest of his life. Imagine the toll that's going to put on Akira now. Imagine how much more difficult it'll be for him to talk to anyone about his problems ever again, for fear it'll be used against him like Akechi was. For fear he might put his friends in danger simply for the sin of opening his mouth and daring to be vulnerable.

Takuto gets up to refill his water glass in the meantime. While digging in the fridge, he ends up grabbing a beer too.

This is a reference to that one cut scene that implies Maruki may be something of an alcoholic. "Ends up" was intentional phrasing--Maruki doesn't see it so much as an active choice. He needs it to cope.

Takuto wishes he could do something, anything, to help him. But even with his powers, not even he can bring back the dead.

✨ Foreshadowing ✨

He finds himself in his office. His research paper is sitting here on the desk, already printed out. This is all he has–that, and his powers, which are currently limited and mysterious, but with the proper research might be able to grow into something that could help so many more than the very few he's helped so far. If only he had the resources to actualize it.

He has to find a way to help people like Kurusu and his lost friend. What he has now isn't much, but it's something, and he's determined to turn it into something more. Something that can save everyone from their suffering for good.

Takuto finishes off a third beer bottle. "I swear it, Kurusu-kun, on my own life," Takuto whispers. "I'll save you and all your friends."

Obvious foreshadowing is obvious. Once again, this is Maruki doing the exact thing he told Akira he shouldn't do--place responsibility on his own shoulders for other people's suffering.

"All your friends" is very intentional phrasing as well. He's including Akechi in that. He doesn't know how yet, just that he has to...well...try to save everyone.

Speaking of the title, its referring to both Akira and Maruki. Akira feels he should have been able to save Akechi, while Maruki feels he must save Akira and everyone else. The title was really what tied the whole one shot together. I realized what the title had to be while thinking about the one shot in the shower, and that's when I discovered what thematic throughline was. It retroactively justified my arbitrary decision to have the one shot be from Maruki's perspective (I initially thought it would just be an interesting experiment since I've never written anything from his perspective before). This one shot is about how Maruki does the exact thing Akira feels he should do. Its about how they're thematic foils, and yet similar in so many fundamental ways. It foreshadows their ideological struggle in the third semester and how they're driven by such similar motivations. And how easily Akira could have become like Maruki if he'd been alone.

#sera writes #cw suicide mention #cw self harm mention

3 notes · View notes

lost-between-letters · 2 years

Text

I'm Not Mad

Pairing: Jack & Reader (she/her) - platonic

Requested by: @justagirlinafandomworld

Written for: my 200 follower celebration (open)

Word Count: 911

Warnings: general spoilers for season 13, lil bit of Jack being insecure

Summary: Jack was still a child. Some things proved that more than others. Pure fluff

A/N: this was originally planned as maybe 300 words but I love Jack and can't shut up about him so here have me writing some comfort for the boy. Prompt in bold

The bunker was awfully quiet when Y/N descended from the stairs. Living with two hunters, an angel and a new nephilim proved to be a noisier life than you would expect. Someone was always talking or working off their energy in the practice rooms. Naturally, she was immediately suspicious of the absolute absence of busy clatter.

Gun aimed forward, Y/N rounded the table in the war room and prepared for the worst.

Steps echoed through the silent room. Y/N breathed in once, steadied her hand and banned all other thoughts from her mind. Her complete focus was needed to save her reckless idiots.

Then, Sam emerged from the corridor, carrying something wrapped in a bunch of towels - he was uninjured if a little hurried. And froze like a deer in headlights when he noticed Y/N standing in the middle of the room. “Uhm.”

She lowered the gun. Breathed out controlled and crossed her arms instead. Y/N knew what a guilty face looked like. And Sam’s current expression was the mother of all guilty faces. The towel wrapped bundle was losing drops of liquid. Oh, this was going to be interesting. “Spit it out.”

“There’s been a little, uh, incident,” Sam confessed and fiddled with a corner of the fabric. Unfortunately, it didn’t reveal its contents.

Y/N sighed, longsuffering. Lately, she heard these words enough for two life times ("Oh, Y/N it’ll be so much better when you live here as well! Father said Sam and Dean would do good with another hunter around and you can teach me about humanity!" And it was nice to live here but damn, these guys were a handful).

Now, it was just a question of who they were going to help smooth over the tides. “What did they break this time?”

“Sam! Father says I’d have to get it whole again before Y/N-” Jack came around the corner, a broom in hand. His open face was filled with worry but when he saw Y/N standing there as well, it completely fell. “Oh”

One thing Y/N had learned about Jack pretty fast, was that his powers weren’t the greatest danger. No, the boy was perfectly capable of taking up residence in her heart with no intention of leaving without ever having to tap into his grace. And that bought him almost every privilege in her books. Apparently including breaking her stuff without having to face the consequences.

But Jack didn’t know that yet. It was heartbreaking to watch how his entire posture fell at the expectation of a punishment. He started to apologise immediately. “I didn’t mean to, I swear! Dean told me to be careful and I was trying to but then the glass fell and-”

“Jack, hey,” Y/N interrupted him gently, the gun and her bag were discarded on the table in an instant and she walked up the few steps to the corridor to hug the poor boy. “It’s okay, I’m not mad. There’s nothing we couldn’t fix.”

“Especially if it’s only a couple of wet books and a cracked laptop screen,” Sam added, suddenly a lot braver now that he wasn’t facing Y/N’s wrath either.

And she had just bought a new one… Y/N sighed again, this time inwardly.

While she was mourning her shiny new laptop, Jack was relaxing into the hug. His head came to rest on her shoulder and his fingers clamped into the back of her shirt. It was a testament to his true age, with what desperation Jack was holding onto physical touches every time he got them. The simple action tugged at her heartstrings once more and Y/N promised herself that she would arrange more casual hugs in their household. Tough shit for the emotionally constipated men she was living with but they would just have to deal with it. Jack was still a child.

His next words proved that all too well. “So you're really not mad? Not even a little bit?"

"Not even a little bit," Y/N confirmed and stroked his head reassuringly.

A soft 'okay' was mumbled into the fabric of her jacket and the arms around her tightened a little more. Y/N was fine with that. She would give Jack all the hugs he needed.

"Now let's get a look at my stuff, huh?" Y/N pulled away gently to get a proper look at Jack's face.

It was as open as always, a tint of worry clouding his eyes. But he nodded anyway. "I can try to fix it."

"You don't have to, Love. It's okay."

"But-"

Silently, Y/N wondered how someone could ever think that Jack could be evil. The poor boy was close to a breakdown over a spilled glass of water. "Jack, it's just junk, nothing important. You don't have to beat yourself up over it. What can be fixed, will be fixed and what can't be, will be replaced."

He mulled that over for a moment. Then, the familiar smile returned and Y/N couldn't help but smile back.

"Okay," Jack took her wrist and pulled her towards the library, determined to get it right.

Y/N followed with a few more bandaid taped cracks in her heart.

General Taglist: @immrbrightsideeee , @fandomfoodiedancer , @lovesfandoms , @nyotamalfoy , @stixnstripesworld , @foxyjwls007 , @amythedoctor

If you want to be tagged as well, click here or drop an ask/DM

#jack kline fanfiction #jack kline & reader #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfiction #jack kline #platonic relationships #fluff #season 13

56 notes · View notes