#i’ll never forgive myself if i don’t work on them

[aenyaa]

I HATE MYSELF FOR LETTING IMITATIA ROT 😭😭😭

[yamujiburo]

Why I Love Hanamusa

I get this question very frequently but have never given a really in depth, definitive answer. All just kinda implied through my comics and spread out asks. So here's this I guess! Long post ahead:

First, as a Pokémon fan in her mid 20s, I love seeing a ship where the characters are both in their mid/late 20s. Already, they’re much more relatable to me and my current experiences. Most Pokémon ships are between preteens, which can be cute but ultimately don’t interest me as much as they used to when I was a kid myself. Not enough to get super invested in and draw a lot of fanart for anyways haha.

I’ll also start by saying that canon doesn’t always influence whether or not I’ll ship something. I’m much more drawn to potential. Could the characters work together? Do their personalities work together in a nice way? I feel like this so much of fanon is anyways. Especially with queer relationships because they’re rarely depicted in the first place. A lot of the context for these ships is usually up to the fans to piece together or make up in general. And that’s the fun part to me!

Jessie and Delia have only met in the anime a handful of times. Any interaction they’ve had has either been pleasant, or just a typical Team Rocket interaction, with Delia dismissing them/not seeing them as a threat. Already a great jumping off point for me since, truly, they don’t have any actual beef or true, ill feelings towards each other. It’s not TOO out of the realm of possibility for them to potentially fall for each other. “But Jessie chased Delia’s son around trying to steal his Pokémon!” That’s where that dismissive and aloof attitude that Delia has comes into play. I’ll go more into Delia’s whole deal a bit later but I do think this aspect of her personality is a large reason why this ship can work. It’s not that she doesn’t care that Jessie has a bad past, but she can tell that, on the inside, Jessie’s a good person. And, in a scenario where Jessie is trying to become a better person, is forgiving enough to give her a shot. I feel like this is such a solid foundation for a ship. A character who has done wrong but is trying to be better and another character who is willing to help them be better. A classic dynamic!

It’s not just one-sided though; where Jessie is the only one benefitting and learning from the relationship. I believe Delia could get a lot out of being with someone like Jessie. To understand why, I think it’s important to know these characters’ respective backstories.

Jessie is an orphan/foster child who grew up in poverty. Her mother Miyamoto (from The Birth of Mewtwo) was a Team Rocket operative herself, who went on a mission to find Mew. In order to do this, she had to leave Jessie when she was just a toddler. Unfortunately, Miyamoto went MIA on her mission leaving Jessie to more or less fend for herself. Jessie went through life with zero stability, evident by her MANY different careers and constant moving around. It’s implied in the show that she went from foster home to foster home, and later in life tried being an idol, weather girl, florist, wine connoisseur, actress, most notably a nurse and finally a Team Rocket field agent. And even while in Team Rocket, she, James and Meowth were always doing odd jobs to get by. We see that Jessie used to be a sweet kid, and even adult, but the world and her circumstances repeatedly did her dirty, leading her to become the character we know today. Hot tempered, mean, selfish, etc. But despite this, her soft side does still shine through for the people and Pokémon she cares about. She is incredibly loyal.

Delia, unbeknownst to a lot of fans, also had a rough past (see Pocket Monsters: The Animation). Like Jessie, she had a lot of dreams and aspirations like wanting to be a model and even a trainer. But when she was 10, her mother didn’t let her, telling her that she had to stay home and learn to run the family restaurant (she’s an only child). Delia’s father left her and her mother to be a trainer, and never returned. When she was 18, she married Ash’s father and became pregnant shortly after. But right after Ash was born, he also set off to be a Pokémon trainer. And soon after that, her mother passed away, leaving Delia with just the restaurant and baby Ash. This gives so much context to Delia’s attitude in the show. We see that Delia is pained whenever Ash leaves on a journey, but she never shows that pain to anyone. ESPECIALLY Ash. She’s very quick to shoo him off when he shows any sign of wanting to go on another journey and even when he returns home, she acts more excited to see Pikachu than him almost every time. Without all this backstory, it’s easy to just read this as a funny gag, BUT with context, I think it really shows how quickly Delia shuts down and detaches in order to not confront her own feelings. She’s afraid of losing people and getting hurt again.

All that said, I think Jessie and Delia provide each other with EXACTLY what the other needs. 

Aside from becoming rich and famous, Jessie’s biggest aspiration is to get married. In my opinion, this is more so an underlying want for love and stability. There is no one more stable in the show than Delia. Delia’s lived in Pallet her whole life, she’s worked at the same restaurant since she was young and she is always there when Ash comes back home. She has all the love, patience and stability Jessie needs and craves. While forgiving, Delia’s not stupid and can keep Jessie in check. Delia’s also just an angel, which I feel, would make Jessie want to be better. And on top of all this, on more of a surface level, Delia’s a chef and excellent cook. She shows love through cooking and Jessie, who grew up poor, regularly starving and eating snow, happily receives that love. Jessie’s able to live a happy and healthy life with someone like Delia.

Delia, as stated, is very stable. Likely pretty monotonous and solitary, especially living in such a small town like Pallet. This isn’t a bad thing but it’s a little sad when you consider that Delia also had dreams of traveling, being a model and a trainer. She had to give up so many dreams in order to fulfill her duties as a restaurant owner and mother. And even now, when Ash is off on his journey, she feels the need to always be home and be that stable pillar, leaving behind any ambitions she had, thinking it’s too late for her (she’s only 29 btw). But then along comes Jessie, dangerous, passionate, an absolute firecracker. Someone who’s whole life has been about chasing dreams and either, never giving up on them or finding a new dream to chase. Upon learning about Delia’s past aspirations, I could see Jessie pushing her towards them, letting her know that life’s too short and she has nothing to lose from trying. On top of this, Jessie’s also loyal. She, James and Meowth are depicted as doing anything for anyone who gives them food or shows them kindness. Delia does both so there’s no way Jessie would leave her. This fulfills an essential need for Delia, who is afraid of the people in her life leaving her.

There’s so much potential for mutual growth and learning between these two and I adore that. They compliment each other, they help each other and they bring out the best qualities in one another.

I’m not really sure how to end this and I could truly talk about them even more but I don’t want this to be tooooo long haha. OH I could end it with maybe the most funny aspect of this ship that I've brushed over and also what drew me to it in the first place. Jessie. As Ash’s stepmom. THE END.

[riseatlantisss]

The end we start from

Pairing : Astarion x female!reader/Tav Around 1,8 words Takes place after the events in Cazador's palace in act 3 (non-ascended Astarion, established relationship) Angst with a happy ending (and loooots of sex) <3

Astarion doesn’t feel good enough. you show him he’s everything.

TW : 18+ MDNI, unprotected sex, very angry/angsty/rough sex, fingering, mature language, mentions of death and depression, mentions of blood

A/N : when i don’t work, i do two things: i take care of my dog and i play BG3. i don’t eat. i don’t sleep. i don’t socialize. i just play BG3. and I write stuff about *him*.

Astarion is many things. Quiet is not one of them. But lately, that’s all he’s been, and you’ve been worrying about him night and day. Tonight is no exception. You wake up in the middle of the night and realize two things : not only is Astarion’s side of the bed empty but the sheets and pillows are untouched, uncrumpled. His side hasn’t been slept in. This isn’t right. Of course, he doesn’t really need to sleep but he always, always lays next to you at night, spooning you, playing with your hair and whispering sweet I love yous in your ear until you fall asleep. His absence means something’s off. Unable to shake off the anxiety, you get up in one swift motion, determined to find him. No chance you’re falling back asleep now anyway.

Your bare feet hit the cold marble floor and you shiver as you make your way accros the bedroom in a hurry. You think of searching outside in case he went for a hunt, but it turns out you don’t have to look too far. There he is, silently leaning against the wall by the window, gazing into the pitch-black night of the Underdark. The light in the room is so dim that you couldn’t even spot him from your bed. You approach him and your heart breaks a little when you notice the lingering sadness in his crimson eyes, enhanced by the faint light of the burning candles next to him.

You want to ask him if he’s ok but it’s obvious he’s not so instead, you remain silent and close the space between the two of you, wrapping your arms around him and gently resting your head on his shoulder.

“What are you thinking about?” You ask softly after a while, your voice barely above a whisper.

Astarion averts his gaze and gives you a faint smile, nothing but a twist of lips.

“Nothing,” he replies. “I’m just being selfish, as usual. Forgive me, y/n.”

You frown and stare at him incredulously. “You’re not selfish,” you say, surprised at how intensely he means it. “Why would you even say that?”

“I –” He pauses, rethinks his words. This does nothing to make you less worried. “I caused you great pain,” he finally says. “I put you in danger. Repeatedly, ever since we met. You could have died a hundred times and it would have been my own, entire fault.”

You look up to him and feel a lump form in your throat. You have never seen him look like this – grief in his eyes and etched into the lines of his face.

“I’m not dead, Astarion. I’m right here with you.” You say as you wrap your arms around his neck. He makes a sound somewhere near a sob and your arms tighten.

“But I did put you in danger and now you’re stuck with me for eternity, in the middle of nowhere, and you—" Again, he stops. He’s bad at this, at talking about emotions. But he fights through it because it’s you. And nothing can be left unsaid between the two of you. Not after everything that’s happened. “You deserve so much better. You deserve the world, and I can’t give it to you.” You’re not sure where this conversation is going but you don't want to find out. His lower lip quiver but he goes on, words spilling out of him like blood from a wound. “I can’t give it to you, and I’ll never be able to forgive myself for it. It’s killing me all over again.” You crumble under each one of his words. His lips are trembling now and you can’t stand it. You can’t but you can’t do him the dishonor of looking away either.

“Astarion, I chose this life.” Your hands flutter to his face, each one cupping a cold cheek, forcing him to look at you. Your heart is pounding, and you know he can feel it. “I had a choice; I could stay, or I could run, and I chose you. I’m not stuck here. I’m home.”

Astarion heaves a faltering breath in an attempt at composure. “Sometimes I think you would be happier without me. Better off.” He barely mouths the words, but you hear them all distinctively, nonetheless. “You should go and leave me here. Walk in the sun. Be happy and live your life.” You draw your hands away from his face and he steps back, speaking louder now.

“It won’t get any better in here,” he continues, gesturing urgently around the room. “It’ll always be cold and dark, I’ll always be a blood-thirsty monster. I belong to the shadows, and I’ll never be able to make you happy, so you might as well just leave.”

His words knock the air out of your lungs and, for a moment, you cannot breathe. You feel your pulse pounding in your veins and blood thrumming under your skin as your heartbreak turns into anger. That fucking idiot, you think, looking up at him through eyes blurred with tears.

“You don’t know what makes me happy. You don’t,” you shout, surprised by the vehemence in your voice. "And you certainly don't get to speak for me." Astarion looks at you in such confusion that you almost feel bad for a moment, but you continue.

“You – you make me happy, Astarion, gods you do. I would rather live an eternity in the Underdark with you than one more day in the fucking sun.” Your heart is clenching in your chest, and you can feel the heat pooling in your cheeks. “By no means would I be better off, let alone happier, without you. I can’t believe that you could even think –” You trail off and sigh in frustration. You can’t bring yourself to scream at him any longer because that’s all he’s ever known before you, screams and shouts and abuse, and you can’t do this to him. But that doesn’t leave you with many options to get through to him. Astarion opens his mouth to say something, but you don’t let him.

Without warning you grab his shirt to pull him close and your lips crash into his, knocking the breath out of both of you with the force that you collide with. It only fuels your rage because the moment his lips are on yours, you can’t help thinking that you almost lost this once and you can’t actually lose it. You won’t let that happen. So you kiss him harder. It’s rough and desperate and sloppy. It's harsh breath and biting teeth.

He turns you around and backs you against the wall. You take it rather hard, but you welcome the sting. Anything to shut him up about not being good enough for you. He crowds in closer, presses you even harder against the wall, shoving his knee between your thighs. His cold lips connect to your throat, making you eagerly tilt your head to give him access to your thrumming pulse dancing at your neck. You have absolutely no qualms about it. If he wants it, it’s his.

But he doesn’t take it. Instead, his mouth sucks and licks, making you squirm and rock your hips against him. You cling to him, grabbing his shoulders and sliding your hands down his shirt and to his back. He hoists you up like you weighed nothing and you wrap both legs around his waist. You tangle your hands in his curly silver hair and pull him forward to feel that mouth on yours again. His tongue running over your lip makes you grind faster, searching for more, more, more. You moan when his hand reaches beneath your gown and through your damp underwear.

Firm, icy fingers are stroking you into madness. You make a sound that’s close to a whimper, but more like a groan, because damn it, you are so impatient now. You are clenching – aching to have him inside.

He is gasping at the feeling of your fluttering around him, and you must be gasping too, but you’re not sure; your head falls back and it feels like you’re breathing, but you could just as well be drowning.

You dig your nails hard into his back - you need to channel the anger into something. Maybe you’ll be the one drawing blood this time. You lean forward to rest your dizzy head on his shoulder and groan in anticipation. Not wasting anymore time, he pushes his hard, large cock into you, going steadily until he’s all the way in.

“Harder. Fuck me harder.” You plead and he obeys.

He sets a pace that graces all the right spots, spurred on the increasingly desperate noises escaping your mouth. This is no effort at all for him, holding you up easily and fucking you hard with determination. But you can see it when you rest your forehead against his – the sheer weakness you feel is reflected right back at you and you know he needs this just as much as you do.

You are so close. You need to concentrate on breathing, just so you simply don’t die. Your lower back thuds against the wardrobe with your oh gods and fucks singing in tandem. The vampire trails open-mouthed kisses and little bites down your neck while maintaining the almost vicious pace in and out of you. Every stroke curls and loves and breaks you into submission. You forget to be angry because your release is in his hands and your body is desperately handing itself over to him.

Your thighs start to quiver around him, the sounds of wetness and the feeling of his own explosion of pleasure deep inside you taking you so high that eventually, you shatter into him. You’re so grateful for the strength holding you up, so you can fall apart.

Your repeatedly moan his name on your way back to consciousness, lips brushing softly against his pale skin.

Before you know what is happening, you break into a sob.

“Please…. Please don’t ever tell me to leave, ever again.” You try to articulate, your voice shaking uncontrollably.

He sinks down onto his knees, holding you in his lap and whispering, “Shh,” into your ear.

“I’m so sorry,” he says, his voice is low and full of gravel. He never sounded so sweet. “I love you, always have and always will. And you’re not going anywhere.”

[talas-starlight]

Scarred Spirits - Zuko x fem!reader (pt.7)

Summary: reactions from team avatar when they find out your ozais assassin

warning: mentions of scars, not very happy gaang, mean katara!, angst

masterlist: here!

most previous part: here! (all other parts can be found in my masterlist!)

authors note! hello!! idk if anyone will be reading this but if you are welcome!! i haven't posted to this series in YEARS so please forgive me as I'm very rusty at writing but please enjoy!

Unified screams erupted upon Appa. “YOU’RE WHAT!”

“Aang what have you done! You literally let a murderer on Appa! She’s going to kill all of us! Katara was right, and I can’t believe I ignored her.”

“I KNEW IT! Quickly Aang, land Appa and let’s get her off!”

Unable to take it anymore, Toph lost her cool. “Can you knuckle heads shut up! I highly doubt that she will kill us, why the hell would she listen to you guys fighting all the time when she could end her misery by taking you out.”

Reality hitting Sokka and Katara, they finally piped down, allowing Toph to continue.

“Look, what you said is highly questionable. I’m not saying that I trust you, but you’re going to have to give us more information than that or else I’ll throw you off myself. Got it?”

You sighed. At least someone in the group had more sense. “Yeah, of course. What would you like to know?”

“Well for starters a name would be great. Oh and maybe, I don’t know, how and why you’re the Fire Lords Assassin?!”

You almost wanted to pull Katara’s braid for the irritating look of satisfaction on her face. “Right okay… well my name is y/n. uhhh and I was forced to become his assassin when he caught me after I broke into the palace three years ago.”

“That’s it?! Nuh uh lady. I know he’s the Fire Lord and had done some awful things but why would he do that to a child?! You’re either lying or somethings still missing.”

There was a lot to weigh up. To suddenly reveal everything about you would be too much and would get you thrown off Appa anyway. Yet to reveal nothing wouldn’t let you gain enough trust to even last a day. Leaving you to share the one thing you knew so little about yourself that you didn’t care if they knew and hopefully enough of a miserable, pitying tale that they’d let you off the hook for the time being.

“My parents aren’t in my life, they never were. I don’t know who they were or why they did it. All I had was my trainer, Zemin. In his time, he was the most notorious Assassin in the entire Fire Nation and when he retired, he never took on any students to carry on his legacy - if you could even call it that. Every other trainer was ecstatic because this meant that their students would earn the most bounties. Until there was me. I don’t know why he took me in… he just said that he found me as in infant and regretfully took me from an islands rocky shore maybe to sell me off somewhere. I suppose he realised he could make even more money from me if he trained me until I could pay off debt for him raising me. I did the one thing assassins could do, kill. All the money I ever earned from each bounty went straight to him. Luckily enough, I learned quickly, and I got to my final payment when I was 13, then he would have set me free.”

Horrified, Aang couldn’t believe what he was hearing. There was nothing like this in the Air Temples growing up. “Luckily enough?! How in any universe is that lucky!”

“Most assassins in the Fire Nation, and others, are stuck paying off their guardians or trainers well into their adulthood. Because of… certain tactics and advantages, I became quite popular if you could put it that way and most of the people, I had to take care of were…” Halting, you knew that if you verbally said some lives are worth more than others, Aang would probably go into cardiac arrest.

“Well, some had more people wanting them gone so the bounty was higher.”

“How does this have anything to do with you working for the fire lord! I don’t see why Zemin would let you go if you were doing so much for him.”

Your strength was fading. You hated yourself for how much you scretly enjoyed having people around that weren’t as idealistic as those in the Fire Nation.  “He didn’t. I got an anonymous mission to take out a high general in the palace. So high, that it was going to be enough for me to finish my debt.” After not being met with screams you felt reassured to continue…. they seem to be taking this well…

You took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. “On my way out, I got caught in the middle of an Agni Kai. The fire lord wasn’t too pleased I killed one of his generals or interfered with punishing his son. Yet somehow in his psychopathic mind he saw it as an opportunity to pledge my allegiance to him.”

The silence amongst the group was short lived.

“YOU MEAN ZUKO?”

“YOU KILLED SOMEONE.”

“AND YOU ACCEPTED?”

You scrunched your face. Maybe this was a bad idea to tell them. But it was too late to go back. “Yes, it was Prince Zuko in the Agni Kai, that’s how he got his scar. Yes, Aang I did kill the general, but to be fair I haven’t killed anyone since then… And Katara if you were being tortured every day for 8 months, I’m sure you would wear down too.”

The waterbender was unsatisfied with your answer. “Unbelievable! Of course, you did! Everyone has a choice in this world, and you chose the fire lord. You’re nothing but a coward.”

“My life was on the line! You don’t know anything about me.”

“Oh please, y/n. I do. I know everything! Sure, you were raised to assassinate others, but you can’t expect me to believe you didn’t know what you were doing when you were standing before Ozai. I would have stayed in a life of suffering than go with him.” Shaking her head, she pierces you with a disgusted look, “You’re no better than Ozai. No better than Azula.”

As Appa continued to glide through the ever-ending expanse of the sky, it seemed nothing could break the suffocating tension that encompassed everyone upon his saddle.

Toph was the only one to speak up. “Didn’t you hear her Katara? She hasn’t killed anyone since then! She’s surviving. If you ask me… she’s braver than any of us, you never know what could have happened to her if she got caught not actually killing her targets!”

Irritated Katara only grumbled, turning away while leaving the two boys to think about how they felt about you. Despite giving them answers, they still had so many questions.

It was undeniably clear that Katara has made her mind up about you, and you were sure everyone else was the same despite the earth benders attempts at comforting you. Hence, as you sat there across from the four of them, you were the first to break eye contact, turning your head to the side as you searched for something to focus on out there in the sky. Bird, a cloud, anything. You didn’t have the heart, the courage, to argue against what she said.

Unknown to you, Aang shuffled closer to you scared that his angry friend might hear him going towards you. His words only just loud enough to hear above the wind he whispered to you… “Its okay y/n. I don’t really understand what you’ve done or what you’ve been through but when youre ready.. you can tell us.

That was the first time your heart ignited a comforting warmth.

As Appas soft paws skilfully landing on the hard earth, you felt your heart drop inside you. What do I do now? Mind racing through all the possibilities, Toph seemed to have decided what to do before you could even stand.

“Hey! Come with me.”

Jumping off Appas saddle you landed on your feet with such a skilled silence, Toph had to sense your heartbeat to even realise you were next to her. Setting off towards where she’d set up her sleeping area, it was best you stuck closely behind.

“Don’t think about what Katara said, she doesn’t get it.”

“How so?”

Stalling in her tracks, she turned her unseeing gaze towards you. “She doesn’t know what its like to be born into a life that you don’t want. And she definitely doesn’t know how hard it can be trying to escape it.”

Unsure with how to reply, humming in understanding was the best you could come up with.

“Just stick with me and you’ll be fine. I know you most certainly don’t need me, but I’ve got your back.”

The next day had gone by agonizingly slow. With Toph trying to teach Aang earth bending you were left to your own devices since Katara decided to tag along. Although you found yourself tailing Sokka as he went his own way looking for food unaware of your silent giggles seeing him get stuck in the ground.

“...big things eat smaller things. Nothing personal. But this time, it didn’t work out that way…I admit it, you’re cute…”

You decide to finally reveal yourself, tired of your lack of entertainment. “What are you doing down there Sokka?”

Letting out a girl like squeal, he’s horrified at getting caught in this position. “Nothing!”

“You look like you could use some help.”

“I don’t want help from you!” You dismiss it. Surely he has no other choice but to make himself acquainted with you.

“Yeah, right. It’s funny, you’re probably the third person that has ever said that to me. The second in about the span of 48 hours.” you cant help but divert your attention towards the cute animal annoying him. “Aweee look at this cutie!”

“Get away from it!”

“Why should I do that?”

“Because I don’t want you to hurt it!”

“Please, I actually quite like animals. They’re a lot better than humans anyway.”

“I- well… fine! Just go away?”

You scoff, “Why’s that?”

“I don’t like you!”

“Hmm… is that so.”

“Yes, of course it is!”

You’re done feeling sorry for yourself. “Are you sure you don’t like me, or do you feel that way because of your sister?”

“I- well… argh! Fine! I don’t know.”

“Well… why don’t you talk to me and work it out for yourself? If you still dislike me so much I’ll leave you be and get someone to come help.”

A  silence fills the distance between the two of you.

He sighs, caving in, “So.. this Zemin guy. Did he REALLY not give you a choice?”

Looking up, you stare at the clear sky. “I learnt early on in my training that I didn’t have a choice or options in life other than what he wanted. Any exercise I rushed through, half assed, or tried to skip through when he wasn’t looking came with consequences.”

“What kind of consequences?”

“The kind that keeps all of my clothing and bindings on so I don’t constantly get pitiful looks or too many questions.”

He scoffs, “prove it”

Staring at all your layers you sigh, “don’t say I never warned you.”

Peeling off all your layers one by one until your down to just your tank top and pants, you decide to take off your face mask last. Your eyes meeting Sokka’s, you notice him swallow thickly. But its you to break the ice first. “In all fairness, most of them are now from Ozai. The older they look… well I’m sure you can work it out for yourself.”

“b-but-“Fuck why did I have to make him uncomfortable.

Unable to take it any longer, you pull him out from the hole in the ground. “Its fine.”

You turn to walk away after helping him, but he grabs your scarred wrist, the feeling of the textured skin making him internally wince. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made you expose yourself like that. Its horrible that you had to experience that… hell we look the same age!”

“Everyone is on different paths. Look, lets just forget about it..”

Sokka feels like he could bust into tears “No! you don’t understand. I’ve seen the effects of the fire nation… hell they took away my mum. I still remember it, sometimes I have weeks where I keep reliving it in my nightmares, only finding peace when im awake. Its like im being haunted. But- but you?! You have to face it whether you’re awake or asleep”.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you can’t handle the intensity of his words. Theres nothing you can do. Nothing you can say. You hug him. You don’t remember the last time you held someone. It feels weird, almost wrong. But as he squeezes you back, tightening the embrace, you understand one thing. You have an understanding with the water tribe boy, despite how dark it may feel.

Hours pass by as you sit with sokka talking about useless topics until the other three join you once more. Feeling weariness in their gaze, you realise you forgot to put your layers back on. Now everyone can see your face and scars.

Only Aang has the courage to speak with you.

“Hey. Uhhh, y/n?”

“Yeah?”

“I just… I’m sorry for not speaking much with you since yesterday. I didn’t mean to, it was just a lot to process personally! Growing up with the Air Nomads, I was taught that killing is wrong and that under no circumstance should that be the answer. If I’m completely honest with you, I still stand by those teachings and to have someone who has… killed… so close to me and the people I care the most about is… unsettling.”

There it was. You knew despite how much he was trying; you knew he wouldn’t be able to see past what you did. What you are.

“I understand. I don’t blame you, or anyone for reacting the way they are, and I know what it feels like to want to protect those who mean something to you.” You glance at Sokka, remembering how he understood.

“Just… please understand that I’ve realised what I did was wrong and while I can’t change everything that I have done, I’m trying to move away from that way of life. I don’t want to be a killer anymore. I’m trying my best to fix it.”

“I know…. Its just-“

“You don’t trust me.”

“What?! NO! I mean…. I don’t know. You clearly have good inside of you but it’s hard to look past.”

“I get it. I’ll head off then, the world needs you Aang and I won’t be the one to stand it your way.”

“No! stop! Please! I know I said it’s hard for me to do, but I clearly see you trying your best. I know you won’t hurt me. I just… I suppose I need to open my eyes more. See you for who you are now, what you’re doing now.”

But what if you can’t? What if I’m still that person, no matter how much I try to shove it away. This is what I have been made to become?

“Okay.”

Letting out a nervous quiet laugh, he glances back to everyone. “okay well… lets eat!”

Zuko stares at the sky in the heavy downpour. “You always through everything you could at me. Well, I can take it. And now I can give it back!”

Lightning cacks in the sky before his eyes.

“Come on!”

“Strike me! You never held back before!”

Met with only the sound of the world around him, he feels helpless. Lost. Alone.

Screaming out, Zuko falls to his knees as the rain and guilt encompasses all of his senses.

His voice scratchy from screaming, he can hardly croak out… “You never held back from her."

taglist: ​​ @mangoberry43​​ @eridanuswave​​ @slythergirlimagines ​​​ @whiskeywinter89​​ @simplyfandomish @khaleesi-of-assassins​ ​ ​ @calciumcow @ilovespideyyy @callums-keith @nnon-it-up @blackhood5sos @chewymoustachio @tiffy119 @reclusive-chicken-nugget @lozzybowe​ @scarletemeterio​​ @simpinforsukka​ ​ ​ @sokkassuki​ @spearbatty @kaylove12

[tkaulitzlvr]

i’ll be needing a part 2 of persistent pls🤭

PERSISTENT (2) - T. KAULITZ

synopsis: you realise that you have pushed your limits after your antics at the club earlier, tom not holding back on showing you this once you both arrive home.

content: smut

a/n: i have no idea why so many people wanted a part two to persistent, but its been asked for in both my inbox and comments so i decided to do it so u guys can leave me alone🙄🙄, but yea hope this lives up to ur expectations (they better be low bc this is terrible💯)

the house is silent, my heavy feet trudging up the stairs, a small smile on my face as i anticipate what tom has on his mind - though i know deep down that i shouldn’t be excited. he wouldn’t go easy on me, not after how i had acted. in fact, the way his jaw remained clenched, eyes dark and cold, hands gripping the wheel so hard his knuckles began to turn white, veins prominent through them, if i had any sense within me, i would be scared - knowing that whatever unspoken words he is holding back would not be gentle ones, his actions bound to be even less forgiving. though i am far too focused on the pleasure he will bring me to consider the fact that he probably doesn’t plan on showing me any remorse, not at all regretting my attitude, even though i probably should.

when tom would get like this, so utterly infuriated with me, he wouldn’t hold back, switching from the gentleness he usually showed me in bed, often leading to me uttering the safe word that he had put in place for instances like this. when he would often act on impulse, unable to judge when it became simply too much, his anger driving him to be a little too reckless, the short word acted as a safety net, tom knowing that he had to stop, no matter how much part of him wanted to keep going, this his way of teaching me a lesson. it never seemed to work though, the thought of him being rough only turning me on, leading me to act this way in order to get this side out of him.

however, the new presence of this word meant that no matter how much i begged him to stop, his pace wouldn’t falter until i uttered the four letter word - blue. it didn’t matter how many tears ran down my cheeks, knuckles clutching the sheets so hard that they turned white, mouth open in silent screams, muttering words of discomfort, he would only speed up his movements, knowing that unless i said the word, i enjoyed the pain in some twisted way, not wanting it to stop despite the way my voice would say otherwise.

the room is quiet as i enter it, bed neatly made, cushions laid out in a specific pattern, sheets tucked perfectly into the sides, not a single crease visible on the white silk. it is a shame - i know tom too well to recognise that it won’t look that way for much longer, the bed likely to become a complete mess before he has even entered me. somehow i don’t flinch when the sound of the front door roughly opening echoes throughout the peace, diminishing it instantly. the loud slam that follows instead sends a surge of excitement through me, a knowing smirk on my face, not ready to let tom win just yet.

so i act nonchalant, calmly walking over to my vanity, humming incoherently, my hands grabbing a makeup wipe from the side, making contact with my skin as i begin to wipe my makeup off, starting with my foundation. i had noticed his footsteps making their way up the stairs the second his foot had made contact with the carpet, yet i tuned the sound out, continuing my innocent humming, acting like tom isn’t minutes, maybe seconds, away from fucking me so hard my vocal chords wouldn’t have the strength to whisper anymore, let alone sing to myself.

my eyes close as the makeup wipe glides over the skin, leaving a baby pink residue on the material, my face now bare besides from the red tinge still present on my lips.

“the fuck are you doing?” his low voice sounds through the room, my eyes turning to the reflection of the mirror, met with his large frame stood in the frame of the door. he had been stern with me since finding me outside the club, clearly thinking that his threats would scare me, not expecting to find me doing the exact opposite of what he had instructed, his expression more angry than ever.

“taking off my make up. i’ve told you it’s bad for me to sleep with it on, i don’t want my skin to break out.” i ramble, shrugging nonchalantly as i begin to stand up. my face is neutral, yet inside, my nerves tinge with satisfaction at the sight of tom’s jaw clenching, a loud groan leaving his lips.

he says nothing, my back to him as i begin to reach for the zipper of my dress, though i don’t get far. his own hands roughly tug mine away from my back, placing them harshly by my side as he spins me around, pushing my body against his and smashing his lips onto mine. the kiss is nothing short of desperate, rough and sloppy, tongues fighting for dominance, this enough to distract me from his quick steps that walk me into the wall, my back colliding harshly with it.

“you just don’t know when to fucking stop, do you?” he grunts, tugging his large black jacket from his frame, discarding it somewhere on the floor. his hands firmly grab my face, pulling it towards his own and reconnecting our lips, his teeth biting mine harshly, marvelling at the small whine of discomfort that leaves my lips, eager to cause me small drabs of pain - not enough to hurt me, but just the right amount to make me lose my stubbornness.

“jump.” he mutters against my lips, his hands hooking underneath my thighs in anticipation for my movement, yet i shake my head, much to his disbelief, a small smile tugging on my lips.

he pulls away, eyes narrowing once he picks up on my amusement, his tongue swiping over his bottom lip.

“you think this is funny, hm? come on, laugh again, i dare you.” he begins, studying the way the smile on my face slowly fades, caving in as he towers over me, one arm resting against the wall behind me. he nods his head, signalling me to show the same sense of entertainment i gained from disobeying him, though he doesn’t receive it, my mouth closing, eyes looking upwards into his own innocently.

“that’s what i fucking thought. y’know, i think you’ve forgotten your place. you really need me to remind you? ‘cause you know i will schatz.” he threatens, a satisfied grin on his lips once he realises how submissive i have become. i stay silent, a small hum leaving his lips as his hands grab the flesh of my thighs, hoisting me upwards. my back is flush against the wall, hips directly against his as he holds me up, fingers digging into the skin, my dress riding upwards slowly.

“fucking pathetic.” he whispers, his lips ghosting over mine, immediately noticing the way my head moves forwards slowly, silently begging for him to kiss me once again. for a second, he puts me out of my misery, capturing my lips in a soft kiss, humming into it slightly, acknowledging the way i quickly kiss back, unapologetically desperate for him. though he pulls away once he has hooked me in to the point that my kisses become faster, tugging on my lips slightly as he moves backwards, smiling sadistically when i whine in frustration, taking one hand and smoothly caressing my cheek, taunting me more than he ever has before.

he stays teasingly close, torturing me at this point, dipping his head even closer momentarily, dragging his thumb across my lips, collecting my saliva. he adores my weakness, loving how he is already in control, continuing to tease me despite the fact that he has won - he had the second he came to find me at the bar. we both knew that, yet i kept up my guard for too long, it’s presence now so thin it is almost non-existent.

“i don’t know why you try to act like you’re in charge. you and i both know you’ll be screaming my name in five minutes. you don’t have to hide it, i can read you like a book. you know it, you’re just humiliating yourself.” he chuckles lowly at my silence, dipping his head downwards as his lips make contact with my neck, placing open mouthed kisses over the skin. i tilt it to the side, giving him easy access.

my eyes fluttering shut once his lips touch the sensitive spot below my ear, i know that he has me under his control. and when he tears me away from the wall, walking over to the bed with my thighs still hooked around his waist, i don’t try to fight it anymore. he is frustrated, much more than he was when we entered the car, me disobeying him just once was enough for him to lend me no sympathy, this communicated once my back makes contact with the bed, roughly colliding with the soft mattress.

he climbs on top of me, my legs spreading instinctively to allow him within them, and closer to the place where i needed him most. sure, he would’ve found his way between them regardless of if i had obliged or not, but i decide to make part of it easier for him. his hands pull them apart even further, my dress now bunched up at my hips, lace panties on show for him.

“where’s that fucking attitude of yours now, hm?” he questions, studying the way my chest heaves up and down, the wet patch on my panties inches away from his face as he bends downwards, placing a soft kiss over the material, my hips bucking upward at the unexpected act. he grabs the flesh, forcing them back downwards, his head emerging from between my legs.

“don’t think i’m going easy on you ‘cause you’ve stopped acting like such a brat.” he states, hands roughly tugging my panties down as he speaks. “we’re past that point now. you’re getting fucked until you can’t use that mouth of yours to act out anymore.”

his words aren’t a threat, no, they are nothing short of a promise. sure, he says a lot of things when he is angry, but right now, each syllable that pours from his beautiful lips is nothing but the truth. and, whilst i couldn’t hide from the slight fear that habituated within me, the aching between my thighs overpowered it, throbbing desperately, needy for some sort of stimulation.

my silence is music to his ears. even though my acts of rebellion fuel his desire to ruin me, he much prefers me at his mercy, begging for him, my entire body his possession, his name written all over it, marking me as his own.

once my panties are somewhere on the floor, he moves to my dress, motioning for me to sit up, his calloused fingers attaching themselves to the zipper, tugging it downwards with such force the soft material rips. i gasp in disappointment, a tinge of anger rising within my chest, prompting the misbehaved side of me to make another appearance.

“are you fucking kidding me? that dress cost-”

“fucking shut up. i’ll get you a new one.” he mutters, tugging the material off of my body, leaving me completely naked beneath him, tom still completely dressed.

normally, i love his style, his baggy jeans and layers of t-shirts suiting him perfectly in most circumstances. yet right now, when i want nothing more than to feel his body against my own, it proves to be more of an inconvenience. he tugs the oversized denim downwards and off of his frame, his t-shirt soon following once he manages to tear it off. his dick prints firmly through his boxers, the outline prominent through the material, the thickness of it making the heat in my thighs unbearable as i move to clench them together, desperate for some sort of friction.

he shakes his head, roughly prying them apart with one hand, the other raking his boxers downward, his dick hitting his lower abdomen, the tip red, his erection so prominent it looks almost painful.

“all fours.” he orders, stroking himself a few times, watching as i turn around, positioning myself as he asked. he groans breathily from behind me, pumping himself a few times before i feel his tip meet my entrance.

he is unforgiving, thrusting his hips forward in one fast motion, moving his dick completely inside of me, not giving me any time to adjust as he usually would. i cry out in pain, my walls stretched out to the point that it is uncomfortable, the feeling of his tip prodding deep inside of me, combined with his thickness continuing to stretch me out creating a sensation that causes tears to build in my eyes.

“fuck- it’s too much…hurts.” i manage to let out, voice shaky as the angle doesn’t at all help my case. in fact it worsens it, my back arched in the air, arms flat against the bed, shaking as they try to hold me up, close to letting out.

“take it.” he says, cursing underneath his breath as he begins a fast pace, almost pulling out completely, before slamming back into me. “you want to act like a brat, i’ll treat you like one. you wanted this, don’t back out now.”

he knows that he is being rough, he can tell from the way low whimpers leave my lips with each quick movement of his hips. words almost inaudible, small utterances of discomfort muffled into the sheets, soon fading into screams of pleasure, cries of pure ecstasy, proving just how much he was right. and though i cannot see his face, my own smushed into the pillows, through his small groans, i can sense the sadistic smirk on his lips as he continues to pound into me.

“look at you, so fucking needy.” he taunts, his hand slowly reaching to grab my hair as i silently thank myself for tying it in a ponytail earlier. though now it is wild, wispy hairs falling from the hair tie, the ends ruffled slightly. yet he is able to take it easily, using it to pull my body upwards, back flush against his chest. he doesn’t make any attempt to be gentle, a loud yelp sounding from my lips as he ensures our bodies are pressed together, his fingers continuing to run through my hair.

“try to talk back now, like you did earlier on. you can’t, can you?” he questions, already knowing the answer. my mouth is wide open in a silent scream, head resting back against his shoulder as breathing consistently even proves difficult, tuning out everything besides from the sharp movements of his dick in and out of me. even his words are muffled, not registering in my head, this providing him with even more satisfaction, any communication soon melting into loud gasps, unable to muster any sort of response.

“doesn’t matter how many times i tell you. you’ll never learn, will you?” he scolds, his own voice shaky, often cut off with small groans, faltering especially when my walls clench around him. “takes me fucking you like this for you to shut that mouth of yours. you and your damn attitude.”

each time i clench around him, drawing his dick deeper inside of me, i wonder how much more i can take. god, i swear i can feel him inside my stomach, so full it is hard to breathe, the air, thick with the smell of sex, not helping my state. he seems to become more relentless, running his hands down my back, only to forcefully push my head back into the sheets, my high pitched moans now muffled into the silk, back arching subconsciously, each stroke of his cock inside of me making me more weak, swearing that i will collapse if he continues, struggling to hold my lower half up despite tom’s harsh grip on it.

his hand finds it way to my stomach, snaking around my waist to press downwards harshly, my mouth falling open at the sensation, able to feel every inch of him inside me, unable to hold back the loud cries that pour from my lips.

“fuck- oh my god!” i whine, lifting my head upwards from the sheets momentarily, teeth sinking into my bottom lip. my entire body trembles, the knot in my stomach tightening with each harsh thrust, his hips snapping against me at an even faster pace, his momentum somehow increasing.

“you feel it, hm?” he groans, fingers digging into the flesh of my hips, nails leaving marks in place of the soft skin. “sometimes you don’t realise how lucky you are. that you’re the only girl- fuck! you’re the only girl who gets to feel me inside of you, yet you can’t help yourself, can you? always have to act out…shit!”

the soft curses that spill from his lips become more frequent, this along with the feeling of his dick twitching inside of me letting me know that he is close too.

“i can’t- gonna cum!” i moan, pushing myself backwards so that i am closer to him, forcing him that little bit deeper inside of me. i writhe my hips, squirming slightly as my release is within arms reach, silently praying that he will put me out of my misery and let me cum - knowing that i am stupid to think that he is going to be so lenient.

“fucking hold it. you’re not cumming yet, you don’t deserve to.” he states, thrusting a few more times before his dick twitches one final time, ropes of his hot cum shooting into me. his nails dig into my ass as he kneads it, his release continuing to wash over him, a chorus of loud grunts leaving his lips.

now he is moving so slowly, riding out his high, teasing me by doing so, the slow strokes of his cock inside of me more unforgiving than his fast movements before. his tip, milking out the last drops of cum, now hits my g-spot repeatedly, each deep thrust sending me literally insane as it becomes impossible to hold my release.

“please- i can’t…i need to cum, can’t hold it.” my begging is almost pitiful to him, a low chuckle leaving his lips as he keeps moving in and out of me, despite the fact that his climax has been and gone.

“you wanna cum, hm?” he teases, pushing me upwards by my stomach so that my back is pressed against him once again. this time, his lips make contact with my neck, nibbling at the skin, his tongue running over it soon after, the feeling only making it more difficult as i continue to beg.

“mhm…please tom, let me cum. i’m sorry, i’m so sorry.” i plead, my words coming out as a low whine, tears cascading helplessly down my cheeks. he hums against me, the bass within his voice sending a shiver throughout my body.

“hmmm, are you really sorry, baby?” he teases, knowing that i am willing to say anything to let go of the knot in my stomach, on the verge of screaming at the top of my lungs in pure rage.

“mhm, yeah…i’m so sorry…i’ll be good from now on…so good! please, let me cum- shit!” my voice is hoarse, throat sore from the loud moans that have escaped from the back of it, completely worn out, beyond desperate to feel my release.

“go on baby, cum for me, c’mon.” he says, kissing my shoulder slowly as i nod my head vigorously, letting go of the tight knot in my stomach.

my head falls backwards, eyes squeezing shut, swearing that i can see stars as my mouth falls open, a high-pitched moan escaping from it as i clench around him one last time, my release washing over me. i almost fall forwards at the feeling, so overwhelming that i lose the strength to hold myself upright. tom collapses with me, still thrusting in and out from above me, fucking his load deeper inside of me, his chest heaving up and down as he does so.

his movements slow down as i sigh in relief, completely spent. however he pulls out of me momentarily, only to flip me on my back in one swift movement, quickly bottoming out inside of me once again.

i cry out at the sensation, unable to handle the feeling of his sharp thrusts, overly sensitive from being teased for so long before.

“i can’t take it…it’s too much!” i whine, already a moaning mess, yet this time, the pain overtakes the pleasure, coursing within me no matter how much i attempt to drown it out, his rough strokes stretching me out so much that it soon becomes uncomfortable.

“yes, you can.” he states, holding my arms above my head, his hands keeping my wrists in place. he is adamant on ensuring that i learn my lesson, and, the discomfort that overtakes any other feeling silently confirms that i will never act out again, struggling to stay still as my entire body squirms.

“please…i can’t…”

“not stopping until you learn that you don’t get to act like a fucking brat and not get punished for it.” he says, circling his hips a little, moving in and out ever so slowly, reducing the speed of his thrusts, instead focusing on the small whines that he elicits from my lips at the change in pace, noticing the way my face contorts in pleasure.

the slight change in angle allows him to press directly against my spot, rather than brushing past it with each deep stroke, another release soon building up within me, the overstimulation meaning it doesn’t take much to take me there. and, i can tell that he is getting close too, his breathing becoming fast and heavy, hands squeezing the flesh of my thighs as he uses them to thrust in and out of me.

he fills me up once again, teeth sinking into his lip as he does so, a restricted whine emitting from the back of his throat, the sudden pressure triggering my own climax. my hands find their way to his biceps, maintaining a tight hold as i squeeze them harshly, chest heaving up and down, unable to handle the slow rocking of his hips. he rides out his high, before picking up his pace once again, clearly looking for a third round, seemingly unaffected by his two previous orgasms. he is pushing my limits and he knows it, watching the way my face twists, forehead lined with sweat.

his head falls backwards, eyes fully closed, mouth slightly open, and, if he wasn’t so lost in his own satisfaction, i am sure that he would be teasing me somehow, reminding me how pathetic i look underneath him, or scolding me for my antics earlier on. though he saves his energy, instead using it to build up his pace, tuning out the sound of my small whines.

“stop- i can’t anymore!” i beg, tears rolling down my cheeks, my voice small and shaky, legs trembling uncontrollably.

this time, he knows that i mean it, when i take my hand, taking it firmly, with as much strength as i can muster, against his chest, attempting to push him away. but, despite this realisation, he keeps going, not showing any intention of stopping, not until i say the word. yet it is on the tip of my tongue, holding back from saying it just yet, enjoying the pain in some messed up way. though i know that i am spent, unable to do anything but exhale rapidly, just able to shape together the word “blue.”

his eyes shoot open, movements coming to an immediate stop, face softening once he registers my state - eyes bloodshot, body shaking, lips wavering as they attempt to hold back the sobs dangerously close to sounding from them.

“shit- fuck baby, i’m sorry, are you okay?” he rambles, quickly climbing off of me, wrapping his arms around my small frame and pulling me into him, rubbing my back comfortingly.

“i’m fine it’s just- too much.” i whisper, my voice barely audible, throat raw. he notices this straight away, pulling me closer into his embrace, planting soft kisses into my hair, mumbling small apologies into it every few seconds, listening to my breathing as it eventually slows, my body relaxing into him, his hold on me making it easy to fall into a deep sleep, tom’s soft snores soon following.

requests are open! keep sending them in!!

[mangoshorthand]

Hii I'm a real sucker for your smuts and I was wondering if you could do a five one where he walks in on reader riding their pillow and thinking about him while doing it (and they haven't had intercourse in a long while because of apocalypse stuff and all that) and the aftermath where you can do anything with it after but I'd really like it if five was being gentle to the reader :<

Sorry this is a long req I hope you write it and it's okay if you dont wanna, thankiee 🫶

Your welkiee! Hope you enjoy. 😊 Lucky Fucking Pillow | Five Hargreeves/ F Reader 3k words, Rated E

It had been four weeks: four fearful, lonely, miserable weeks. You felt stupid, irritated with him. You hated the fact you were waiting at home for him like the sweetheart of a world war two vet, living on the letters he sent from the front lines. 

You held it together until just before he left, duffel bag over his shoulder.

“The situation’s dangerous; unpredictable. I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

On the floors below you, you could hear a bustle of activity as his siblings made similar preparations to leave.

“Why is this your responsibility?”

He looked at you, disbelievingly, the hand not supporting the bag went directly into his pocket.

“This is the world. Am I supposed to sit at home and wait to be subsumed by another apocalypse?”

You shook your head, bringing your knees up to your chest, not able to articulate what you were feeling.

“Let me come with you then.”

He let out an exasperated sigh, picked up the last of his morning coffee and knocked it back, shaking his head. 

“I’m not having this discussion again. I’d want you beside me in anything else, but not in this. If anything happened to you, I’d never forgive myself. Your best chance of survival is staying well away.”

“What if you die? What am I supposed to do?”

From slight irritation, he softened further. Bending from the waist, he kissed your forehead.

“I love you, okay.”

He crossed to the door, but a strangled sob made him turn back. Your face was suddenly red, tear-streaked. When you spoke, the words tore themselves from a tight throat. 

“Don’t go!” 

He closed his eyes, hand still on the door handle. He let out a breath and dropped the duffel bag, turning back around, crossing the room in two strides and holding you close, your head against his chest.

“I have to, angel. I’m so sorry.”

Since then, your days had been spent scouring the horizon for impending doom and following the news incessantly for any hints of what was going on. Your nights had been spent sleepless, remembering Five’s caresses and trying to get your head around the fact that you and everyone else could die at any moment.

You at least knew he wasn’t dead. He got messages to you sporadically; short dispatches from the field. They appeared mostly via an ancient telegraph machine stowed in Reginald’s old office. The most recent of these hadn’t been very encouraging:

We’ve got a plan, but it’s tenuous. If it doesn’t work, we’ll really be fucked. If that’s the case, then I hope to see you on the other side, -F x

smut below cut

They were four sexless weeks too. You quickly discovered that it takes more than the threat of imminent death to crush the human capacity for horniness. Before that month, you would have thought it would be a deluge of cold water on your libido, but that was far from the case. 

On the contrary, knowing that time could be short, all you could think about was having Five in your arms again: running your hands all over his body, the feeling of his lips on yours and the sensations of his lovemaking. 

As you lay in bed, his phantom was a heavy, intoxicating presence. Your need for him was strong tonight. You rolled to look at his empty side of the bed and imagined his head on the pillow. His eyes (that fickle forest green that masqueraded as blue in some lights and brown in others), you imagined them shaded by his hair. You saw his raised eyebrow, his smile, soft and suggestive, with the dimple that only appeared on one side of his face, recessing two large freckles by his mouth.

You pulled his pillow to you and buried your face in it. It smelled of him. You inhaled it deeply: his aftershave, his antiperspirant, his shampoo, a hint of coffee and something more  indefinable: a more fundamental scent that was all him.

It was this last smell that made your stomach flip, that made you breathe in the scent of the pillow again. It awakened something primal in you: ripples from your center outwards; flutters down each of your limbs. 

Before you knew it, you were stripping off your panties and kneeling up in bed. One hand held his pillow to your face and the other held your own pillow between your legs. When you started to grind, it was him beneath you. In imagination, he was teasing you: not allowing you to get on his dick until you came from humping his leg.

It wasn’t enough friction, so you sped up your hips, snapping them back and forth desperately. There was a whisper of something, a tingle from your neglected pussy, so you chased it, sinking deeper into the fantasy and imagining his hands squeezing your hips, guiding you as you rode him.

“Oh, Five,” you whispered, feeling your body begin to respond, wetness gathering between your labia, “Five, fuck.”

You threw your head back and closed your eyes.

“Hm,” said an approving voice from the doorway, “that lucky fucking pillow.”

You gave a violent start, dropped his pillow and turned around. There he was, framed in the open doorway. You gave a grateful, ecstatic cry.

“Five!” 

In nothing but your t-shirt, you were across the room in a leap and bound and throwing yourself against him, holding him to you with sudden, tight urgency.

He immediately stiffened and let out a sharp groan of pain. You loosened your grip

“Oh my god, what happened? You’re hurt! Are you okay? Is it over? Is everyone okay? Is the world okay?”

He was holding himself stiffly, but now his pain had faded, his face was amused. He leaned forward and kissed your lips. On your side, the kiss was desperate, joy-filled; on his, more passionate. His tongue flicked between your lips before he broke away.

“How about this? l answer each of your questions if, each time, you answer me one in return?” he said, smirking. 

“I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” he said, smiling gently, “but that wasn’t a question.”

You were too happy to see him to have space to be irritated by this game.

“Fine. What happened to you?”

He moved as if to put his bag down on the chair. Seeing his wince, you took it off him and placed it there yourself.

“Thanks. It’s just a wound. There was an explosion. I was hit by a piece of flying steel.”

“Shit,” you whispered, looking down at his chest and the bandages that must be underneath his shirt, “oh my god, are you okay?”

“Hey,” he admonished, “it’s your turn to answer a question now. What were you doing when I came in?”

You looked at him with annoyance.

“You know what I was doing.”

“Yes,” he smirked, “I want to hear you describe it.”

“I was masturbating.”

“How were you masturbating?” he pushed.

“It’s my turn to ask a question now,” you said, using his own tactic against him, “How long will it take to heal? Are you seriously hurt?”

“That was two questions,” he said, stepping towards you, “but I’m feeling generous: I’m not seriously hurt. It’s a flesh wound. It’ll heal nicely.”

You looked at him with concern and he shook his head with a smile. 

“Now it’s my turn: what exactly were you thinking about when you were humping that pillow?”

“You,” you mumbled, “I missed you.”

“What exactly? You didn’t answer properly.”

You feel your face flush.

“I was thinking about fucking you. On top. Riding you.”

Five’s smirk grew, biting his lip and raising his eyebrows suggestively. You hurried on.

“Is the family okay?”

“All present and correct.” he said, moving even closer to you and stroking your hip in gentle circles.

It was a long, long month without you. There was barely time to think, let alone have the privacy for any ‘self care’ sessions of his own. Now that it was all over, his dick was complaining rather vocally about this neglect; insisting that if it didn’t get inside something warm and tight within the next five minutes, it would be most seriously displeased with the rest of him. 

As if to punctuate the point, it was now requisitioning rather a lot of blood from his brain, leaving him rock hard and almost lightheaded with the rush. 

“You’re so horny for me, aren’t you? Humping your pillow like a dirty little girl?”

“Was that a question?”

“Yes.”

You sighed as his hand snaked around to your ass. He stroked one of your buttocks up and down slowly, palm cupping the curve of your skin.

“Then yes: I’m horny for you.”

“How horny?” he said, immediately, squeezing you gently.

“Did you save the world?”

“Are you wet for me?” he said, huskily.

The fingertips of his other hand came to rest on your thigh. His eyes, dark in the low light of the bedroom, captured yours and held them firmly, authoritatively.

“If you’re not going to answer my question, I’ll have to find out for myself.” 

You looked back at him and his lips twitched. Slowly, he walked his middle and index fingers between your legs and parted your labia. He let out a low ‘oh’ as he felt the sopping folds waiting for him.

A jolt twitched down the boner now pressing insistently against the crotch of his pants. 

“How about you ditch the pillow and have a piece of the real thing?”

His fingers slipped slickly up and down your slit and you nodded, trying not to let your knees go weak. Your hands came to the hem of your shirt, pulled it over your head and discarded it so that you were standing naked before him. 

As your breasts bounced free, his befuddled mind could only think how much he’d missed them. He bent forward eagerly to try and take a nipple into his mouth, but froze mid-stoop with a wince and harsh intake of breath.

“Ow. Shit.”

He straightened up slowly, stiffly and leaned against the door, experimentally stretching out his limbs.

“You okay?” you said, worried. 

“I’m fine.” he muttered, hand over his injury, “Got a bad case of hornybrain. Made me forget I was impaled by a steel bar for a hot second there.”

You winced in sympathy and rubbed his clothed stomach in circles. When the pain had abated and he was again looking at you with lust behind his eyes, you leaned in and whispered to him.

“Looks like you’re going to have to stay still and let me do all the work.”

His lips parted but no words came out, for once unable to think of anything cocky to say. You could see the glisten of saliva on his tongue. You smirked and lowered yourself so that you were kneeling in front of him.

He laid his head against the door and exhaled as you deftly freed him of his pants and let them fall to his ankles. He squeezed his eyes closed, thoroughly undone by the mere suggestion of being sucked. He was even hornier than he realized. 

He groaned in a strange mix of satisfaction and need as you licked him through his underwear, using one hand to pull the fabric taught around the thick five and a half inches imprinted there in harsh relief. The stretch and your saliva made the white material semi transparent and you felt a pleasant twist in your stomach as the hint of soft, flushed skin beneath. You lost yourself, aware of nothing but the perfect outline of his glans beneath your tongue and the heady, pheromonal smell of him. 

He made another tight, needy sound as you put your lips around his still-clothed head.

“Please.”

How could you refuse him? Pulling at the elastic and reaching in, you pulled him out to twitch in the open air. It looked painfully hard, as always curving slightly to your left but otherwise sticking straight out like an exclamation point to his arousal.

Slowly, still inhaling that intoxicating scent, you took him into your mouth, slowly sucking him. You hummed appreciatively at his solid, hot skin between your lips. You were in heaven there, happy to keep sucking him as long as he’d let you.

“You don’t know how much I need this,” he said, weakly, knees buckling as you built to a steady rhythm. You paid close attention to his head, enjoying the little pop it made as it left the tight seal of your lips.

He looked down at you with hazy eyes, watching the way your lips pouted as you slid your lips up his length. When you caught his eyes, the pupils suddenly widened and he immediately looked away, head snapping straight back to look up at the ceiling.

“I can’t look at you right now,” he breathed, by way of explanation, “You’re too perfect; I’ll come too fast.”

You flushed, glowing with his praise. Though Five was a loving partner, his compliments were usually hidden beneath layers of self-consciousness and sarcasm. Him saying this now was evidence of how overwhelmed he was: inhibitions swept away in the rush of reunion. 

Slowly, you withdrew and laid your head against his stomach so that his cock rested on your cheek. You looked up at him adoringly, simultaneously enjoying the intensity of his arousal and giving him time to calm down.

“I love you Five.”

“I love you too, baby.” he said, voice breathy and hoarse, “Now, please god, take me to bed and treat me like that pillow.”

You smiled, rose to your feet and led him to the bed, helping him out of the pants around his ankles. Standing by his side of the bed, you kissed his lips gently, enjoying the way his dick stabbed and pressed periodically at your thighs. When you broke apart, you looked into his eyes, at his soft look with his thick eyelashes shading his eyes. 

Aware of his injury, you supported him as he lay down, helping him to ease onto the mattress with the bare minimum of pain. His solid presence in your arms as he let you assist him was bliss.

Though you were being careful not to place any weight where it would hurt him, he pulled you into his arms. 

“Please,” he whispered, “I want you to fuck me. Ride me. Just use me to get off. Use me like a goddamn dildo. I don’t care.  I need you.”

You smirked at this.

“Who are you and what have you done with Five?”

“Please.”

More begging. You didn’t have it in you to tease him, not when you too were desperate to feel his body against yours, to feel him inside you, to mingle your sighs and your pleasure with his.

You slipped him inside you and gasped. The resumption of this perfect coupling alone told you just how much you needed it. You knew you missed it, but now he was inside you again, you realized that it made you whole. His small keen as he slid home was enough to send a fluttering shudder from your center outwards.

“Let me take care of you,” you whispered, leaning close to him.

He nodded, biting his lower lip and caressing your hips.

Slowly, you began to grind against him, rolling your hips with him inside you, moving on top of him just as you did the pillow. This time, it really was Five beneath you, his cock twitching inside you, hitting and charging that sweet spot inside you until it felt like you were buzzing with his electricity.

“Oh fuck,” you moaned, “Five!”

“I-don’t-deserve you,” he panted, “So perfect. Perfect. Beautiful girl…so goddamn sexy. I love you. I-fucking- Ah!”

He always got more talkative yet less coherent the closer he got. He was watching your swinging breasts, hanging a few inches above his face. You leaned forwards immediately, keen to give him what he couldn’t take for himself a few minutes before.

He took the hint eagerly, taking your nipple into his mouth and groaning along with you at the change of angle. He suckled enthusiastically, hungrily; hand leaving your hip to rub your breast with his palm. 

His groans now sent miniature, warm vibrations onto your nipple, creating a new center for charge to build upon. As it crackled down your limbs, stoking the heat in your stomach and groin, you moaned, wanting to ride him hard- ride him like a bike - but you were reluctant to let loose in case you hurt him. 

Instead, you rolled your hips upon him desperately. Judging by the sudden shout from him and the ache from your pussy, this motion was to both of your liking. You were on the edge now, teetering.

“Gonna come. Gonna come.” he whispered, urgently, removing his mouth from your titty with a wet sound.

He meant this to warn you but, instead, his desperate voice gave you the final push.

As you came, your pussy clenched, squeezing him suddenly. His eyes shot open and he all-but squealed at the unexpected stimulation. His hips surged upwards, the pain from his chest eclipsed for the moment by this maddening, raging orgasm. It felt like your pussy was milking it from him, pulling his rapid shots of come up into itself. 

At last, you came to a stop. 

“Is the world safe?” you asked, after a warm breathless minute or two.

“Yes,” he said weakly, “the world’s all okay.”

You carefully climbed off him, laid beside him and held him. There was the fresh smell of his shampoo and antiperspirant. The smell of home if ever there was one.  After a minute or two becoming heavier in your arms, he spoke again.

“Well, the world’s certainly all okay now.”

He stroked your stomach as if you were made of paper-thin glass, inclining his head towards yours as he spoke again.

"I meant what I said: you are perfect, you know."

Request masterlist >> HERE

NOTE:

I take Five requests, I'm fairly versatile in what I write (fluff, smut, angst, psychological character study- I'll try it all) but I will consider them on a case by case basis. See masterlist for request status and more.

[onigiriico]

Kazui audio drama (t2) - English TL

[ links: Spotify / Youtube ]

I cannot believe my hs philosophy class came in handy as I was translating this. Thanks Milgram your references never fail to astound me

Aaanyways you know how it is,, feel free to send an ask or hit me up on Twitter if you’ve got any questions or other feedback re: this translation etc 💪 (<- sincerely hoping that Twitter DMs still work these days)

⬇️ translation under the cut ⬇️

(door opens)

E: I’ve kept you waiting, Kazui.

K: It’s been a while, Warden-kun.

E: Yeah… It has been.

K: Things have gotten pretty tough inside the prison, but… well, you’ve probably heard all about that from the others already, haven’t you?

E: Yeah… I heard that you protected other prisoners from Kotoko. I owe you my thanks.

K: That much is only natural. However… she really is strong, isn’t she? I mean, I’ve experienced some fights myself, but [going up against] a woman like her was a first.

E: Hm… Is she strong enough that even you can’t stop her from doing harm?

K: Well, in cases like this, it’s generally the heavier person who ends up winning. After all, if she really does have proper killing intent, I can’t afford to let her injure anyone. It’s difficult, isn’t it.

E: Is that so…

K: I was afraid that it’d come to this from the very beginning. There’s a lot of young kids here, too. It’d be hard for anyone to keep a decent mentality in a situation like this.

E: …You’re pretty rational.

K: I wonder. Maybe it’s because I’m used to violence. Even so… I couldn’t make it for Shiina-chan. I feel responsible for [what happened to] her.

E: …

K: Well, rest assured, though. As long as I can move, I’ll be protecting [the others]. After all, it’s pretty much just me who can fight her on equal terms.

E: Mikoto, too.

K: Ah… yeah. Like back when he went out of control, right? I can’t quite read him, though… If both of them were to attack us, it’s possible that we’d suffer a total defeat. 

E: A total defeat…?

K: If that happens, this prison game would probably come to an end as well. All of that depends on your judgment, right, Warden-kun? Who will be forgiven by you and who won’t be…

E: What are you trying to say?

K: If at all possible, I would like you to choose a method that will not get any more people hurt. That’s what I’m saying.

E: So you’re telling me to forgive you?

K: (laughs) Oi, oi…! Don’t look at me like that.

E: I’m the Warden. If I forgive you, I forgive you. If I don’t, I don’t. There’s no other factors to it.

K: (sighs) Wouldn’t it be okay? I mean, this situation with prisoners being hurt wasn’t what you wanted either, was it?

E: …

K: Just pretend that you’re looking at our sins, and make your judgment with the protection of the prisoners in mind. After all, nobody can read your mind – so that much craftiness would be fine, don’t you think?

E: Hmph. That’s a very “you” kind of pretentious solution.

K: It’s the most natural conclusion, isn’t it? Do you think it’s a sin to lie in order to protect people?

E: That would be Kant.

K: Kant?

E: A philosopher who stated that lying is inherently a sin, no matter the circumstances.

K: Huh…

E: Apparently, even if your friend is being chased by a murderer and the murderer asks you about their whereabouts, you shouldn’t lie, according to Kant.

K: That’s ridiculous. If you can save someone by telling a lie, that’s what you should do.

E: However… You killed someone with your lies, didn’t you?

K: … Ah… You forgave me, didn’t you? Aren’t you being especially strict towards me?

E: Am I?

K: Mmh, it’s obvious. You said you would figure out my murder by watching the footage of my mind. Is this the result of that?

E: You were unfaithful, right? That’s stupid.

K: Hmm…

E: The reason I forgave you was because I was lacking details. I still don’t understand your true feelings or how things got to that point, either.

K: I see.

E: It was extremely hard to understand. Even with all of that poetry, though, your self-absorbed nature was more than obvious.

K: Ohh my… That’s quite the sweeping generalization, even though you forgave me.

E: It’s a personal dislike of mine. People who act based on their sexual urges like that, that is.

K: It’s personal?

E: Yeah. That’s right.

K: That’s strange. I did think that, despite being neutral as a Warden, you had some things you dislike, but…

E: …

K: Isn’t it unusual to openly reveal a personal dislike as a personal dislike?

E: You’re splitting hairs.

K: Seems like you really disliked my crime… I get it! Maybe it was because you’re so young, which is to say… …

E: Hah? Stop staring at me so openly. It’s disgusting.

K: …

E: …! (punches him)

(clattering)

E: (sighs) Now I feel better.

K: — Ow…! What are you doing all of a sudden…?!

E: It was an instinctive reaction. Don’t take it personally.

K: Would you stop just punching me in the face without hesitation? … (sighs) Anyways… that’s how it is, huh? That’s how it is…?

E: Hah?

K: I didn’t even consider this a possibility… Personal impressions sure can be scary.

E: If you say any more things than this that I don’t get, I’m hitting you again.

K: Geez, cut out the hysterics… Hmm, if it’s like this, that explains some things, though. I don’t have kids, but I’ve heard that this is what it’s like.

E: Hey. Stop blabbering on while looking like you know it all. It’s obnoxious.

K: Hahaha! But you know what? You’re wrong.

E: …? What are you talking about?

K: You’re wrong.

E: …

K: You said I was unfaithful – in other words, that I cheated or committed adultery of some kind.

E: Yeah. That’s what I deduced from your footage.

K: It’s not true. It didn’t even turn into infidelity. It didn’t turn into anything like that. For me… In my case, you see.

E: … You’re married… You’re a married man, aren’t you?

K: Hm? Yeah, that’s right. Oh, right, I never told you, did I?

E: You’ve taken off your ring.

K: … Right… I did take it off, huh. Right…

E: Yeah.

K: Mh. … I do carry it with me, though. See? – I was forgiven. My feelings were validated. So… maybe that means that I don’t have to do this anymore? Thanks to that, I was feeling better when the second trial started… I really do feel sorry about that. Towards my wife.

E: If that ring is a symbol of punishment to you… There really is nothing that could possibly be more cruel towards her.

K: Mmh.

E: Marriage is something that both partners want equally, isn’t it? It’s something you can’t do if only one person wants it. Deciding to treat it as a punishment all on your own… You’re making a mockery out of it.

K: I really am. Ah… She must have thought so as well. My wife, that is.

E: I’ve said this before: You’re a liar. Those lies have killed a person.

K: (sighs)

E: I forgave you. While I wasn’t sure yet, I thought that it didn’t seem like you killed her directly, and with all sorts of things taken into consideration, I judged that your murder was not a sin. However. That doesn’t mean that I’m praising your nature as a liar.

K: Yeah. I believe you’re right about that.

E: In short – between love and hate, [I would say] I hate you. Remember that.

K: … I get that.

E: Huh?

K: I despise myself for lying, too. Being a liar, you see – it’s painful.

E: Heh. Then just–

K: So I’ve tried to change! I’ve tried to change. I have tried to stop lying to myself and others!

E: …

K: I’ve confided in others. I’ve tried to be myself! I’ve tried to just be the way I was born!

E: …Hey, Kazui–

K: It’s not my lies that killed her. She’s dead because I stopped lying to her! If I had just kept lying- She wouldn’t have died…!

E: Kazui…

K: I can’t live unless I lie. That’s how I was born… I’m pathetic, aren’t I?

E: (sighs) I really can’t seem to understand you.

K: …

E: Just when I thought you weren’t letting out any of your true feelings and cleverly hiding your actual emotions… Now here you are, drowning in self-loathing like this.

K: (weak laugh) An old man in unstable condition… that’s not something you’d wanna see, is it. Sorry about that.

E: You know, about Kant…

K: Ah, the one who said you shouldn’t lie even if your friend might get killed.

E: From his point of view, if your friend dies because you didn’t lie, there’s no causal connection between the two… or so I’ve heard.

K: I don’t think so, though…

E: Even if you don’t lie, your friend might survive. And if you do lie, your friend might end up dying on a different occasion. That’s the reason why you’re supposed to always tell the truth.

K: …That’s convincing.

E: It’s not really.

K: Yeah, it’s not.

E: It may not be, but… I thought that for someone who has failed in their attempts to be honest, it might be a [saving] grace so they won’t end up doubting honesty in its entirety.

K: …

E: I still don’t know what happened, but… isn’t it okay to be proud that you made an effort to be honest in the first place?

K: … You’re so kind all of a sudden.

E: I just said what I was thinking. And besides – I forgave you. I made it as if your sin wasn’t a sin at all. And yet, you don’t seem the slightest bit relieved.

K: I know right.

E: Everyone else seems more or less liberated by the fact that they were forgiven.

K: That’s right.

E: Just from that… I understand that having your feelings approved of by someone else can have a major impact on the development of one’s personality.

K: …

E: However… You have not forgiven yourself. That’s why you can’t change.

K: …

E: Alternatively, even if your lying self was forgiven… it would still do nothing to help you.

K: …Aah, you really are impressive. You think so much.

E: I am watching over ten troublesome prisoners, after all. Even if I don’t want to, I’m being relied on.

K: I haven’t forgiven myself… even if my lies are forgiven, it won’t resonate [with me]. It might just be both of these. All the lies I’ve told are tying me down. Ever since I was little, I’ve never truly opened myself to anyone. But in the end, people can’t be saved if they don’t [open up]. And by now, it’s gotten to a point where I can’t do it by myself anymore…

(machinery whirrs, bell rings)

K: I did think Milgram would be able to force its way past that, though.

E: Is that an attempt at provocation?

K: You didn’t manage to reach my sin.

E: …

K: Even though I want you to… Milgram isn’t so great after all, is it?

E: …Heh. Don’t push yourself too hard, after all that whining from earlier.

K: Ha. [This is] the wish of a liar who’s reached a dead end – come and figure out my lies, Milgram. And, Es… please, free me from these lies.

E: Yeah. Leave it to me. – Prisoner no.7, Kazui. Sing your sins.

[cowboahs]

quotes that broke me starters

feel free to adjust pronouns / names as needed !

quotes taken from random sources or tiktok. i claim no ownership whatsoever.

❛   i’m supposed to be the one who protects you from monsters. i’m not supposed to be one.  ❜  

❛   if i could make a deal with god, and i’d get him to swap our places.  ❜  

❛  no one heard our screams for a long time.  ❜  

❛   i know so many last words. but i’ll never know hers.  ❜  

❛   there is a home for every departed thing.  ❜  

❛   it reminded me that i will never truly know you.  ❜  

❛   i also buried a part of myself alongside them.  ❜  

❛   after you died i could no longer hold a funeral. so my life became the funeral.  ❜  

❛   you don’t have to be awake to cry.  ❜  

❛   forgive me, for all the things i did. but mostly the things i didn’t do.  ❜  

❛   the human eye is the loneliest creation of all.  ❜  

❛   fairness is for happy people.  ❜  

❛   the things we lost will always be heavier than the things that stayed.  ❜  

❛   perhaps it is the greater grief, to remain on the earth when another is gone.  ❜  

❛   you stain the pages with yourself.  ❜  

❛   tears will not wash away the sorrow.  ❜  

❛   beautiful things grow a certain height and then they fall and fade off.  ❜  

❛    who in all these centuries has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?  ❜  

❛   i have scars on my hands from touching certain people  ❜  

❛   despite everything, i believe that people are really good at heart.  ❜  

❛   you tried to change, didn't you?  ❜

❛   you can’t make homes out of people. someone should have taught you that.  ❜  

❛   i hid my deepest feelings so well, i forgot where i placed them.  ❜  

❛   we have no scar to show for happiness. we learn so little from peace.  ❜  

❛   i didn't leave because i stopped loving you. i left because the longer i stayed, the less i loved myself.  ❜  

❛   at every moment in our life, we have one foot in a fairytale & the other in the abyss.  ❜  

❛   there are too many sad eyes on happy faces.  ❜  

❛   it's strange, i felt less lonely when i didn't know you.  ❜  

❛   things change, friends leave. life doesn't stop for anybody.  ❜  

❛   it takes a lifetime to die, and no time at all.  ❜  

❛   i am deathly afraid of almosts. of coming close to what i want and then falling just a little short.  ❜  

❛   i felt your absence.  ❜  

❛   what do we do now, now that we are happy?  ❜  

❛    you honestly thought anybody would love you? purely and truly love you?  ❜  

❛   don't stop looking. he deserves to know someone saw his end, that someone noticed him.  ❜  

❛    i can bear my pain so long as it has meaning.  ❜  

❛   i dont have a single friend - not one.  ❜  

❛   i've had more than enough pain in my life, what's a little more going to do?  ❜  

❛    it would have been you if i met you first.  ❜  

❛    i really thought he was going to be my forever.  ❜  

❛    maybe in the next life it would work.  ❜  

❛   in spite of everything, you're still you.  ❜  

❛   the dead have it easy.  ❜  

❛   there's an ocean of silence between us, and I'm drowning.    ❜  

❛   there have been countless times in my life when i thought i’d be better off dead.  ❜  

❛   what on earth... have i become?  ❜  

❛   don’t look at me! i don’t ... i don’t want you seeing me like this.  ❜  

❛   i wish i could’ve been like you.  ❜  

❛   your fate was sweeping you away, like a flood.  ❜  

❛   the future should know the mistakes we made.  ❜  

❛   of course you have. you feel guilt. you want redemption.  ❜  

❛   i'm here because you can't accept what you've done. it broke you.  ❜  

❛   even now, after all you've done, you can still go home.  lucky you . ❜  

❛   you're all that's left, and we can't live this lie forever.  ❜  

❛    prometheus gave us light, and warmth, and eternal damnation.  ❜  

❛   take a gamble that love exists, and do a loving act.  ❜  

❛    i know i ruined your life. i suffer for it every day.  ❜  

❛   don't let yourself get killed for... for pride. i’ve seen it kill too many folk.  ❜  

❛    you and me, we ain't decent... but those folk... they were.  ❜  

❛   we're more ghosts than people.  ❜  

❛   despite my best efforts to the contrary... it turns out i've won.  ❜  

❛   i gave you all i had ... i did.  ❜  

❛   this whole time, I've blamed myself for that decision.  ❜  

❛   do you think even the worst person can change...? That everybody can be a good person, if they just try? ❜  

❛   i don't want to break their hearts all over again. it's better if they never see me.  ❜  

❛   please leave me alone. i can't come back. i just ... can't, okay?  ❜  

❛   no matter the struggles or hardships you faced... you strived to do the right thing, you refused to hurt anyone. ❜  

❛    people like you don't ever want to be happy.  ❜  

❛   i don’t want to let go. i’m not ready to say goodbye yet.  ❜  

[ravencoloredroses]

First Time

Nyx x Reader

Summary: Nyx and Reader are together, but they’ve never been together……

Word Count: 3,787

Warnings: SMUT

A/N: Thank you for reading!! Please let me know what you think! <3

——————————————————————————————————

Nyx’s POV

I have no idea how to tell her. The love of my life, my mate, my everything. I need to tell her why I haven’t tried to take the next step in our relationship. We’ve been together for around 6 months and they’ve been the best months of my life. When I was a little boy, I was infatuated with the concept of mates. The idea that there is someone out there perfectly made to be with you and you to them. I asked a lot of questions, but no one ever went into detail. No one ever mentioned that the bond must be accepted and they certainly didn’t mention how it was accepted. That’s the part that worries me.

Y/N and I have never talked about sex before so we don’t know each other's pasts. I have never done it before, but nobody knows that. Not even my family. When they sent me away to Windhaven I was given ‘the talk’. Really all we talked about was that it would be best to take a contraceptive tonic. My dad has been giving me bottles of this tonic because he thinks that I’m sexually active. Unbeknownst to him, I have a stockpile of the bottles under my bed because I’m too embarrassed to tell him the truth.

My first kiss was with Y/N, but nobody needs to know that either. I try not to think about the fact that I might not have been hers. And if I wasn’t her first kiss then I might not be the male to take her virginity. The thought of her being with another male upsets me, but if that’s the case then there’s nothing I could do to change that. I’m terrified of doing something wrong, of disappointing her. Sex is a very intimate experience that requires a lot of trust and if she gave me her trust just for me to fuck it up, I would never forgive myself.

That’s why anytime our kisses deepen or our touches get more sensual, I stop. I have to physically restrain myself before I do anything I’ll regret. I know that she notices, but she’s too kind to say anything, so we don’t. I need to grow up and ask for help.

“What are you thinking so hard about?” My uncle Cassian playfully whacks the back of my head to get my attention.

“Nothing.” I sigh.

“Uh-oh…. That doesn’t sound like nothing.” He plops down on the couch next to me.

“Is this about Y/N?” Uncle Az asks as he sits down on my other side. When I give him a shocked look he clarifies. “I know you guys haven’t accepted the bond yet. I just figured that’s what you were think about.”

Uncle Cass gasps. “You haven’t accepted it yet?” I shake my head.

“I want to. I really want to. But I’m scared.” I admit. I look up to see both of my uncles have confusion written all over their faces. “I’ve um- I’ve never..”

Uncle Az releases a knowing sigh. “You’re afraid that you’ll hurt her.” I nod aggressively, thankful that he didn’t make me finish my sentence. “Have you talked to her about any of this?” I look down at my hands to hide my embarrassment. “Then that’s step one. You need to talk with her. You need to talk about what you’re comfortable with. Set boundaries and limits for certain things.”

I nod in agreement. Of course I know that I need to talk to her, but then what? “What’s step two?” I ask.

“You decide what step two is after you talk to her. Step two could be to just go for it, or it could be to take it slow and have more conversations about it. It all depends.” Uncle Cassian answers. “You- You do know how it works, right?”

I glare at him. “Yes. I know how it works.”

He holds up his hands in defense. “Okay, okay. I just wanted to make sure. No one’s first time is good, so don’t worry about it too much.”

That is exactly what I’m worried about. “I want it to be, though. I want it to be special. She deserves it.”

Uncle Az gives me a small smile. “It will be special, Nyx. I promise.” He stands up from the couch and begins to walk towards the door, Uncle Cassian follows.

“W-Wait!” I run up to meet them. “Can we… keep this just between us?” I ask tentatively.

“You don’t want your dad to know you’re a virgin?” Uncle Cass asks with a raised eyebrow and I shake my head. He cracks a smile, “Okay then, your secret is safe with me….. and Nesta.” He spits out the last part and quickly runs away.

Uncle Az turns to place a hand on my shoulder. “I won’t tell anyone, Nyx.” I knew he wouldn’t, I was -and still am- worried that Uncle Cass would tell everyone. “Oh, and I would start taking those tonics under your bed by the way.” He says with a wink as he walks away.

“How did you-….. Nevermind. Thanks Uncle Az!” I yell out to him, but he’s already gone. Leaving me alone to plan out the conversation I’ve been putting off.

Reader’s POV

I’m laying down in bed thinking, like I have been for the past 3 hours. Nyx has been acting weird around me lately. Every time we start to get intimate, he pulls away. We’ve never talked about it and I’m starting to think that it’s because of me. I’ve never had sex before. I’ve never even had a boyfriend before. Nyx was my first kiss and he’s going to be my first in a lot of things, but I’m a little nervous. Actually, I’m terrified. They say your first time is painful, some people actually bleed! I know Nyx would never intentionally hurt me, but it sounds like it’s inevitable.

I haven’t told Nyx that I’m a virgin, so he probably doesn’t know that I’m nervous about it. He’s probably stopping us from doing anything intimate for a completely different reason. I just hope that him second guessing our relationship has nothing to do with it.

I’m pulled away from my thoughts when someone gently knocks on the door. “Come in.” I say, sitting up as Nyx slowly steps into our room. “This is your room too Nyx, you don’t have to knock.”

“I know, but I didn’t want to barge in on you.” He says, moving to sit down next to me. He grabs onto my hand and brings it up to his mouth for a kiss. “How was your day?” He brushes hair out of my face while he waits for my response. I don’t give one. Instead, I reach up to pull his lips down to mine. It starts out sweet and soft, like always. I feel him smile into the kiss as I wrap my arms around his neck and play with the back of his hair.

I lift my leg over him to staddle his lap and his hands find their way to my hips. I lightly bite down on his lip which causes him to moan into my mouth. Nyx stiffens below me as I move to start unbuttoning his shirt. He breaks the kiss and opens his mouth like he wants to say something, but nothing comes out. I feel absolutely mortified so I climb off of him and make a break for the bathroom when he grabs my hand to stop me. “Y/N, please don’t go.”

I turn around to look at him and wipe away my newly fallen tears. “It’s okay Nyx, I understand.”

He tightens his grip on my hand when I try to turn back around. “No, it’s not like that. I promise. I- I just want to talk before we…”

I nod and move to stand between his legs. “Do you not.. want to be with me in that way?” I ask, bracing myself for his answer.

“I do. I absolutely do, Y/N. I love you so much and I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I’ve never…. been with anyone like that before.” He looks up at me from under his lashes to see my reaction. My mouth hangs open as I try to comprehend what he said.

“Yo-You’ve never….” He shakes his head and I released a breath I didn’t even know I was holding. Knowing that this will be both of our first time is so comforting to me I can’t even describe it. “Me neither.” I say with a smile.

Nyx blinks up at me, shocked. “You’ve never?” I repeat his head shake from earlier and then he repeats my breath release. “Oh, thank the Mother.” He laughs out and leans his head forward to rest on my chest. I cradle the back of his head while pressing a kiss into his hair. We stay like that for a while, just embracing each other, and then Nyx pulls back. “Do you still want to? I’m sorry I ruined the mood.”

I stare down at him, deciding to tell him the truth. “I’m scared.” He grabs both of my hands and runs his thumbs over my knuckles.

“We will go slow. I promise to be gentle, but the second something doesn’t feel right or you just want to stop, tell me. We will stop immediately, no questions asked.” He presses a kiss to both of my hands. “We’re in this together, my love.”

I lean down to press his lips to mine, then it’s my turn to moan into his mouth as he pulls me back down onto his lap. We’re back in the same position we were previously, but the feeling is different. This time Nyx isn’t stiff underneath me or restraining himself. This time his hands are roaming anywhere they can reach on my body as mine do the same.

I pull away for air, but my lips don’t want to stop. They move over to his jaw, down his neck and then over to the other side and back up. All while Nyx blesses my ears with his soft moans. I hadn’t noticed before, but his bulge beneath me has become very obvious. I begin to rock my hips back and forth, trying to create some type of friction. Nyx removes his hands from my body and I begin to panic until I realize what they are doing instead. Starting with the top, they begin to unbutton his shirt.

I place my hands over his and he looks up at me confused. “Let me.” I smirk at him as my hands fly to his hair and I kiss down his neck once again, but I keep going lower. I take my time around the base of his neck, making sure not to miss a spot. Nyx starts to lean backwards on the bed which grants me more access to his chest. My lips move down to his collarbone and I have to tear my hands away from his hair in order to undo the first button on his shirt. I slowly move down his body leaving a trail of kisses. When I get to the last button, I look up to find Nyx watching me intently. I smile at him as I make my way back up his chest and place my lips on his again.

He sits us up without breaking our kiss and removes his shirt. My hands run along his chest, over his shoulders, down his back, anywhere they can reach. Nyx tugs at the bottom my shirt and begins to pull it up over my head. Once it’s off, he gently flips us over so he’s laying on top of me. I try to pull him back down to kiss me, but he doesn’t budge. He stares down at me and moves a strand of hair behind my ear.

“You are so beautiful.” He whispers, continuing to brush my hair away. We stare at eachother for a moment, trying to catch our breaths, until his hand reaches around my back to unclasp my bra. He pauses to look at me for permission. I nod. He flings my bra onto the floor to join the growing pile of our clothes.

Nyx kisses behind my ear, my jaw, down my neck and then he closes his mouth around my breast. I press up into him when his tongue flicks my nipple. He uses one hand to stabilize himself and the other begins to move towards my pants. I feel my underwear becoming wet, which isn’t a new feeling, being with Nyx has left me wet plenty of times, but it’s never been this intense before. His mouth releases my breast and he leaves a trail of kisses down my stomach then stops right below my belly button.

Nyx positions himself between my legs and looks up at me as he begins to undo my pants. I lift my hips up so he can tug them off. Just as I suspected, my underwear are completely soaked. Nyx obviously sees my drenched panties, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he slowly -torturously- removes them too, leaving me completely bare before him. He’s eye level with my pussy now. I feel so exposed, almost embarrassed, until he places a kiss on the inside of my thigh. I meet his eyes as he kisses closer and closer to my pussy. When he finally presses his lips gently to my center, I squirm from the sensation.

I lay back down, but my eyes stay locked with his. Nyx reaches a hand up to lace his fingers with mine. This already intimate position immediately intensifies just by us holding hands. He squeezes my hand gently as he continues to press kisses into me.

His mouth covers my pussy completely, his tongue moving around as if he’s trying to memorize every inch of me. I try my best not to squirm, but the sensation is too fucking good. My unoccupied hand grabs onto his hair and I start to grind down on his mouth. My moans are escaping my mouth with no warning. No doubt everyone in this house can hear me, but I don’t fucking care. All I can think about is Nyx. How his tongue is pumping in and out of me, how his hand is still tightly interlocked with mine.

Without warning his other hand meets his mouth and he slides one finger into me. My back arches up at the sensation and I release my grip on his hair to grab the sheets next me. His tongue moves up to work on my clit and another finger joins the first. “Don’t stop! Oh my God, don’t stop!” I scream out and Nyx picks up his pace. His fingers find the magical spot that makes my body go numb.

I have no control over my body. My legs are violently shaking, my mouth is making noises I’ve never made before and my eyes are rolling back as Nyx pushes me over the edge. He draws out my orgasm, leading me through wave after wave of pleasure. After what feels like forever, but also nowhere near enough time, Nyx slides his fingers out of me and places a kiss on each of my thighs.

I finally open my eyes just in time to see Nyx place his fingers -drenched in me- into his mouth and moan at the taste. I watch him lick his fingers clean while his eyes never leave mine. Only when he sits back do I see that his bulge is practically begging me to help it, to set it free.

I try to sit up, but everything hurts in the best way so I stay where I am and watch Nyx. He’s looking at me with a look filled with love that I’m sure I match. He gives my hand a squeeze and then let’s go to unbuckle his belt. He stands up to shimmy off his pants and underwear, leaving him as bare as I am. His body is breathtaking. I want to memorize every inch of him. My eyes leave his to move down chest, over his torso and then his dick. I knew Nyx was gonna be big, his wings are fucking huge, but I’m actually concerned at his size. It might not fit.

Nyx pulls me out of my thoughts by rubbing his thumb along my cheek. My hand flies up to rest over his. “Y/N, look at me.” I do. “I’m gonna be here the whole time. It’s going to be okay. I promise.” He kisses me softly and I smile at the taste of myself on his lips. I nod at his words, but the thoughts don’t leave immediately.

“We‘ll go slow, okay?” I nod again and pull his hand off my cheek to lace our fingers together once more. Nyx climbs over me and lines himself up at my entrance. He drags himself through my folds, coating himself in my wetness. I take in a deep breath and prepare for him to push into me. We both moan at the feeling of finally connecting. My eyes never leave his as his tip slowly enters me. The pressure is almost too much to handle and the pain is noticeable, but bearable.

“Dear God, Y/N.” Nyx moans into my ear. “You feel so fucking good.” I kiss him as my response since I can’t really form words right now. He slowly sinks into me inch by glorious inch. When he finally bottoms out, I moan so loud I hear it echo off the walls. I lean my head up to see where we connect. We look fucking perfect. Like a painting that I’d want to look at for hours.

I rest my head back on the pillow and meet Nyx’s eyes again. “Can I move?” He asks, giving my hand a squeeze. I nod and he kisses me as he starts to slowly move. Agonizingly slow, he pulls back out of me almost all of the way and then pushes back in. The pain doesn’t necessarily go away, but the majority of it is replaced with pleasure. Nyx rests his forehead on mine as his pace quickens and our heavy breathing synchronizes.

Every time Nyx thrusts, I feel my muscles constricting which just makes everything feel so much better. “Fuck, Y/N. I’m close.” Nyx moans, giving my hand a squeeze.

“Me too.” I manage to whisper back.

“Together?” He presses a kiss to my forehead.

“Together.” I moan out as Nyx picks up his pace and his hand snakes down to rub my clit. That was what pushed me over the edge for a second time. I feel him follow immediately after me. Everything begins to blur but Nyx and I. All I can see is him. All I can feel is him. All I can hear is him. And I don’t want it to end. We ride our highs together, drawing this out as long as we can.

Nyx collapses down on top of me and I cradle the back of his head. I press kisses onto his shoulder as we try to catch our breaths.

After a moment, Nyx rises on his arms to look at me. “Is it okay if I pull out?” I wipe some of the sweat off of his forehead before I nod. We both look down to where we are connected and I hold my breath as he pulls out of me. It hurts a little when he does, but nothing I can’t handle. When he’s finally all the way out I release a sigh.

No blood.

Nyx sits up beside me and pulls me into his lap. He wraps his arms around me and lightly strokes up and down my back. “I love you so much, Nyx.” I say when I can actually speak. My legs are still shaking and my breathing hasn’t fully calmed down yet, but I feel amazing.

“I love you so fucking much, Y/N.” I look up to meet his gaze and he gently wipes away my stray tears. He lifts me up and carries me into the bathroom. “Wait here.” Nyx says as he sets me down on the counter. He goes to the linen closet, grabs a rag then heads over to the sink. “Do you have to pee?” He says while getting the rag wet.

I look over at him confused. “What?”

“I read that it’s not a bad idea to pee after sex. I guess it flushes out any bad bacteria in your system.” He scratches the back of his head nervously. I never thought about it before, but it makes total sense.

“I’ll try.” I say, preparing to stand up, but Nyx comes over and picks me up before I can. “I can walk, you know.” I laugh.

“I know, I just don’t want you to have to.” He kisses my forehead as he sets me down on the toilet and leaves to give me some privacy. I finish quickly and hobble over to the sink to wash my hands. When I turn the water off I see Nyx come up behind me in the mirror holding a fluffy robe. “Feeling okay?” I turn to face him while he helps me put the robe on.

“Yeah. Better than okay, actually.” I throw my arms around his neck to pull him down into a quick kiss. Nyx bends down to pick me up again and walks back to the bedroom.

When he sets me down on the bed, I crawl under the sheets and watch him walk over to the other side to join me. As soon as we are both under the covers, I snuggle into his side. “I can’t believe we waited 6 months for us to do that. Think of all the mind blowing sex we could have been having.” I joke after a moment of silence. Nyx laughs so hard that our bodies shake.

“Yeah, that’s true…” His tone becomes serious. “We will have lifetimes together, there is no race for us. I would have waited centuries for this moment.”

“Me too.” I have so many things I want to say to him, but he’s right, we will have lifetimes together. There will be other perfect moments like this one. So, I move closer to my mate's side as my eyes become droopy.

“Nyx…”

“Yes, my love?”

“I don’t think I can go to training tomorrow morning….”

He laughs quietly. “Then I guess we will just have to stay here.”

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for making someone think I’m dead?

cw: mentions of abuse, self harm, and suicide. putting 🐙👁️ emoji here so i can find the ask again

ok the title sounds awful but here’s the context

so basically, i’ve been in an online relationship with someone who i’ll call K. we’ve been together for a couple years but our relationship has historically been rocky and we’ve almost broken up a couple times. K and i are both autistic and K is also mentally/intellectually disabled (never told me what kind specifically but that’s not really my business) and has struggled with self harm in the past.

K’s family is abusive and their mother accuses them of faking their disability. K also can’t afford to move out or to get a therapist because they can’t work due to their disability, so i’ve been basically the only one taking care of them. it’s really exhausting and i want to be supportive and don’t want them to get hurt but i’m not a therapist and have no idea how to help them.

eventually i decided to just stop talking to them and go quiet on my social media since they have a tendency to look over my accounts. problem is, they keep dm’ing me and asking if i’m still alive (i’ve been inactive for months at this point) and i don’t know if i should respond or what to say. i don’t know if they’re trying to guilt me or if they genuinely think i’m dead but either way i feel like a dick for essentially abandoning them.

i also worry that they could end up hurting themself again (they’ve told me a couple times they would probably kill themself if i broke up with them) and i don’t know if i’d be able to forgive myself if they ended up doing so.

sorry if this is too heavy

What are these acronyms?

[maeumdemiel]

yearning

tags: aftercare, implied sex/suggestive (? tagged just in case), fwb-to-lovers, mutual pining, fluff

summary: the two of you are tired and, at long last, an all-knowing yearning gives way for peace.

word count: 2.5k

author’s notes: (bass boosted) i am yearning !!!!!! god i just love the idea of ruined first kisses and then making them up

can’t believe this is my first post after MONTHS of announcing myself cuz wow so much happened since september. this was gonna be just a tad bit longer but it’s just a mess of thoughts lolol

Miguel O’Hara has high-cut cheekbones and wispy eyelashes and insists on holding you close after you both finish. He claims that it stabilizes his breathing quicker so he can then tend to you, whom he unknowingly loves enough to forget what waits for him beyond your bed. A meticulous, waiting gaze watches you; blissfully lost, you open your eyes to the kiss on your forehead. It’s a relief that follows and is always ready for you. Your hands need something to ground to.

There are strong arms, a firm chest, and everything warm. Miguel pulls the blanket up where his hands don’t reach.

“You okay?”

You nod, breathless, hiding your face in the crook of his neck. “Yeah, I— I’m good.”

You were exhausted. Miguel doesn’t half-ass anything— never has and never will— and you were no exception. As insatiable as he can be, he makes a point of his gratitude. Those feverish kisses everywhere will stay with you. His hands, relentless but forgiving, sought for more tonight.

“Tired?” He sounds more composed now.

You can’t help but scoff. “No shit, Miguel. I’m worn out.”

A begrudging quip makes him chuckle. It’s low and throaty, reverberating where you hear it beautifully. His hands, one on your head and the other on the small of your back bring you a smidge closer. You’re fine like this: tangled in skin and sheets and kissing wherever your lips can reach. Miguel knows this because you’re quiet and receptive. Bashful excitement buzzes in his chest, knowing you’d never pull away from this.

For him, you’d undress down to the nerves. Hand him shears to cut away the bone that protects your heart to watch how it reacts to his exploratory touch. You reel from the memory of his kisses down your sternum every time he goes lower.

“Good.” His laugh is breathy. “I aim to please.”

You laugh with him, playfully shoving his shoulder as he brings his head to rest atop yours, cradling you like a wounded animal.

“Real funny, Mig. But I know I’m not the only one who’s tired.”

Now you sound more composed. This proximity gives you a view of his clean collarbones. Hardly do either of you spend these intimate moments without marking each other; you want to ignore the pull of your lips into a smile when you see his skin glowing. Instead, you thumb the contour of his collarbone.

He sighs, and you melt. “No doubt, hermosa. You’re a lot of work, y’know.”

“As if you’re not.”

His sturdy arm keeps your head up, finding his eyes in that heartbeat. It's the afterglow and balmy light that softens the angles of his face. He looks kind even if he feels perpetually tired. Rest looks sweet on him; it’s a gorgeous distraction. When your eyes flutter, Miguel wrestles that knee-jerk reaction to kiss you.

He hums. He’s white-knuckling that yearning. “I don’t think I’ll be leaving anytime soon.”

“Not if the multiverse has anything to say about that.” You huff.

Miguel comes to you with too much on his mind, heavy shoulders, and weary eyes. It didn’t take long to learn the kind of person he is in your bed— and soon enough, you happily welcomed him with any sign of his fading resistance. Soon enough, you provided more than just your bed for comfort. He fought against it at first, gently swatting away your hands when they would graze the ache and tiredness in his limbs. Whether he stopped resisting that relief or you were too stubborn for him, lovingly, he gave up.

“You’re all work and no play. Well—” You gaze down, beaming when you see how close both of you are. “Some play. I stand corrected.”

“Qué te puedo decir? I’m a busy man. You’re one to talk, though.” He leans in and you feel his grin against your cheek. “You sure know how to make me work for it.”

[What can I tell you?]

Embarrassed until you hear the tinge of exhaustion and satisfaction in his voice, you grin back. “I need my fun too, Mig.”

He looks down at you, but the vision before you occupies your attention. The sculpture of his muscle and how light bends across it— ruthlessly beautiful. Your hand finds his heart and you watch how he takes a deep breath beneath your palm. He spreads his lungs on the bed, watching you hesitate less than he does.

Something that you want to bring your lips to. Something that should remain a temptation. It’s a dream before you.

“What, sweetheart?”

Miguel enjoys catching you staring at him. You’ve appreciated him graciously when he gives back in bed, but he caught on whenever you took the lead. He didn’t know he had a dream in your shape until he left one night, vividly recalling the praises, looks, and kisses you engraved into him. Easily, he could have lasted a while on his own just with the thought of you, but he craves how you look at him.

Faintly, you grin and whisper, “Nothing. You look pretty.”

It catches him off-guard, surprisingly. His hand squeezes the one you have on his chest. When your eyes meet again, you take in the breath he let go of. Miguel searches your face for something to tell him you want more.

“No sé que hay en esta cabezita para decirme algo así.” Miguel doesn’t hold back his amusement, even less so when you have that faraway look in your eyes.

[I’m not sure what’s in this little head to tell me something like that.]

“M’just saying.” You add, not wanting to break into giggles at his face.

Miguel shakes his head, closing his eyes and kissing your forehead. His arms cage you, bringing you to him as he lays on his back. Resting on his chest, a soft spot inside you, a bruise of some sort, aches when you see how at peace Miguel is. Your head lies in your crossed arms to watch him.

***

(You’re sitting on the bed, grabbing bunches of sheets to keep warm. The back of your hand rubs your eyes while you spare a glance at Miguel’s back. Broad, hunched over, sighing. You’re mesmerized— as if he hadn’t just made you see stars every time you close your eyes.

Miguel always chases your gaze whenever he talks you through it; he loves eye contact, knowing you’re as desperate as he is. A carnal yearning you both seem to exchange, but it was nothing like the way his lips just missed yours just after you both came. You almost went into shock when that potential kiss met the corner of your mouth.

“Miguel,” He looks over his shoulder at you. “I’m fine. More than fine, you know, but for real— I’m okay.”

“I know.” Miguel breathes and looks away. “I was just worried for a second.”

He’d been having a rough week, and his visit was overdue. Eagerly, you encourage him to let it all go with you. However, that kiss— or, more appropriately, the helpless effort that ended in his lips smearing grunted praises against your cheek— was born from something that had been there long before rough weeks and missed priority calls. In the moment it happened, you were tempting him: lips plush and parted, hands cradling his face, folded beneath him, pliable and taking him sweetly. After he missed your mouth, it snapped for him, and he nearly lost control of his driving thrusts.

The truth drives him mad, seen now as he feared almost hurting you from his desire. Nothing new but pent-up frustration— regardless, I’m sorry, baby.

Your hand reaches for his back, palming his shoulder when he jumps at your touch. “Don’t apologize, Mig. You’ve never done anything I couldn’t take.”

Miguel takes your hand and kisses it, lacing his fingers with yours. He looks back at you and wonders what he’s done right in a world of mistakes, rushed judgment, and unfinished ambitions. That tired smile of yours shucks off all that burden.

“If you say so.” He leans over to kiss your temple.

You don’t even need to tug him over— he’s already got his hands on you when you reach for his other shoulder. He looks at you all over, but for you, nothing misses your trained eye. The gentle bob of his throat, the twitch of his lips, the way his posture falls when you take his hand into both of yours. He can do so much with those hands, and you know that very well; Miguel gives, gives, and gives, not knowing where he starts and when to stop. But you’re different.

As weightless as you make him feel, his slumped shoulders still make him look tense. Your voice comes out impossibly soft when you utter the following words: “Tell me what’s on your mind.”

And his guard lets down.

“Took some of your advice, and I’ve been fixing a lot of machinery because I figured it’d be a relief to fix it myself— you know, because I built everything. But that meant all the technicians went overboard with their questions, asking me why I didn't do this or why I did that.”

You wince as you trace his palm and each finger. An innocent effort to take his mind off things, only to be overwhelmed by the technicians.

“Peter B always has his baby at every meeting. I’m in the middle of briefing everyone, and suddenly, you hear him talking to her in a baby voice.” He groans, recalling Peter’s sickly sweet voice.

You giggle, imagining Miguel getting upstaged by a baby’s cooing. It’s not the first time he’s complained about that; it doesn’t take much for him to explain himself, as you’ve been an ear to many of the same problems more than once.

Miguel sighs, but it slips by you. He gets distracted watching you fixate on his talons. A few seconds of silence makes you look at him, blinking when Miguel stares back.

“And?” You say. Miguel looks down again.

He shakes his head as he watches his talons poke through. Not much else is on his mind except you. Just you.

“Nothing else. I’m just enjoying this too much right now.” He chuckles.)

***

It’s funny how quickly Miguel forgets that there’s a world outside your home, let alone the multiverse. Every time he recalls this particular night, it feels like a dream, curled in the sheets of your bed, the quiet staccato of rain hitting the window, watching you drift into sleep under the warmth of your hand resting atop his heartbeat.

The first time he stayed the night.

From the start, he never left immediately. Inconsiderate, he stated matter-of-factly. Then it became, I’m supposed to just leave you after we did that? And more recently, in that deliciously exhausted voice, Make some room for me, sweetheart.

Miguel has not done many things right, and he thinks it’s been a while since he’s done something for his own good. He looks at you in his peripherals, lying on your stomach beside him and messing with his hand, and you look— no one can be this beautiful. Is this too good to be true?— soft. Young. Peaceful.

He’s seen you do the same ritual with his hand during aftercare. Flattening his hand against yours, the other nestling it below, fingertips walking across knuckles, drawing circles and forgotten patterns on his palm, thumbing the calloused spots and scrutinizing the lines. Oh, during that part especially.

When your eyes sharpen, concentrating on this process, it reminds him of a palm reader. Sometimes, you talk him through your day or some nonsense that’s also been on your mind when you do this. Yet, Miguel feels nervy under the intensity of your gaze; his heart is dangerously close to punching through his chest, floored when the right poke causes his talons to show. Imperceptibly, he grins when they retract and rise with every jab.

“Can I kiss you?”

Now and always, nonplussed and wide-eyed in the cozy light of your bedroom, you’re precious to him. So wonderful that it makes whatever words would have followed mangle in his throat, makes his heart ache. You look at his claws thoughtfully, slowly lowering your brows and melting when he clasps his hand with yours.

You stare at his lips for a moment. “You want to kiss me again.”

So you haven’t forgotten about that miserable attempt. Miguel huffs, feeling his ego throb when he remembers that blunder. He’s a sore loser with the smile of a winner.

“Yeah, kiss you again.” He says again like he’s mocking you a little.

Maybe it’s because you didn’t expect him to ask, cringing with a giggle when you remember that kiss. This is perhaps Miguel tightrope walking on a confession, but there’s a safety net below, and when he falls, it’s clumsy but with no risk. A free fall of sorts. He knows this isn’t the best way to ask— the romantic and mushy way— but that’s okay. More than okay, actually, as he grins at the flicker of something impossible playing out in your eyes.

He turns on his side, leveling a finger at your lips, prodding at the edges. “Can I try again?”

You’d love it if he did. Quietly, you speak, “Okay.”

And then it happens too quickly. It’s not fair— the rumble of his chuckle meeting your mouth startles you, unprepared for a fleeting second until you swallow the surge of your stomach and kiss Miguel back.

It’s not any better for him either; his heart goes at a rabbit’s pace, running in circles and thrashing in his ribcage. Burning at the back of his neck, he fears he’ll singe your hand holding him there. He’s touched you before (in every sense of the word), but he restrains all teeth and nails against that soft sound you make.

Miguel is back to that night again— rain pattering outside, some forgotten playlist crooning amid sheets and pillows, watching you: a dream. He adores you, like observing something magical and unknown beneath a glass dome, reverent and precious. Then, his breath staggers when you part his lips with the tip of your tongue.

Your back meets the cold sheets when he hovers over you, arching into him, forcing the lines of your body to converge and connect with his. Any closer, and you’d be able to crawl into his skin. This all-consuming want that blazes everything in its path needs no kindling in the hearth of your bed. He catches on quickly, hand hooking on the small of your back, implacable and firm. When your fingers card through the tousled mess of his hair, giving it a tentative pull, Miguel groans and murmurs some honeyed nonsense against the base of your throat. It comes out runny and from the same rumbling laugh that caught you off-guard at the start of this.

Miguel is certain he’ll die here. He’s breathless seeing the wet pink of your mouth, then stuttering when you smile. You give him no other response than that smile, along with a laugh that makes his heart soar and stomach dive. All he can do is bring that smile to his, over and over and over again.

i’d love to take any requests/asks! thank you for reading <3

[insidefernweh]

Well, hello.

A couple months ago one silly woman (me) decided that it’s time for creativity to take a hold of her and let something cool into this world.

And that’s how I decided to give birth to…a The Amazing Devil blanket. Or I might have dreamed it whilst being feverish. Who knows.

It’s been three months of stitching, embroidering, sewing, unmaking the mistakes, cursing, saying ‘waahheeey’ at the end of the complete step, cursing again and enjoying the hell out of the process of something being made into the realness. 

It is literally the embodiment of me. I love it and hate it equally. It has got my favourite quotes from the songs. Yes, that’s me — your favourite girl with maelstrom of lyrics instead of a brain. It also has got some of my blood somewhere along the stitches (did i do it on purpose to please the fae gods aka Joey and Madeleine? you’ll never know. hashtag blood magic.) I wanted to get it done for the Ruin Appreciation Week (though it contains lyrics from all albums) so that was me last week because it was very FAR from being done:

I’m posting the bigger picture + close ups of smaller details and songs’ lyrics. Please feel free to reach out if you want to see a better close up or just to pat me on the head.

I’m posting a video too. It’s silly so enjoey. (ha! see what I did here. that was a typing accident. it’s 1am now. forgive me my jokes.)

warning: the video include some probably offensive actions to the professional seamstresses. i’m only a humble ignorant person who decided to sew for the first time in her life. i do hope you’ll like it.

references used:

the central embroidery: TAD’s old picture from some posters back in the love run era + some sage and forget-me-nots

top right and left bottom corners: pictures of joey and madeleine

songs: secret worlds, the calling, inkpot gods, drinking song for the socially anxious, chords, farewell wanderlust, not yet/love run (reprise), that unwanted animal, battle cries, elsa’s song, wild blue yonder

UPD: A few of you have been asking about the quotes I used on my blanket/quilt and why I chose them so here I am:

If you ask me for my fire, just watch me burn — you know what, I recently started to interpret this line in a positive way? It was a recent thing I understood about myself. I always thought I was good at working/doing things well in the long run, when you have to do it patiently and for years but in my journey of self-discovery I realized that in reality I’m much better as a sprinter — someone who does an incredible job while being under the vast amount of pressure and when you need to do it in a restricted period of time; I will give all of myself to this project/work, every bit of passion I have, every bit of patience. So yeah. If you ask me for my fire — just watch me burn. But then I’ll hibernate for a month. 

Can’t you hear it howling? — OKAY HANDS DOWN PROBABLY MY FAVOURITE LYRICS/MELODY SECTION FROM THE WHOLE RUIN ALBUM. Even not the part that is sung by Madeleine, but the back voices Joey’s harmonies sing in the final chorus at 4:28 and till the end. OOOOH WHY SO GOOD.

If I don’t make it back from where i’ve gone just know I loved you all along — this is such a beautiful closing of the song. also such a tormenting thought. i love it.

Such endless blue — I’ve always been drawn to the dark blue colours, especially when I paint. I always run out of the blue watercolour because contrary to this song, it’s not endless :D I’m manifesting an abyss of blue watercolour for myself here lol

You say the words so often but I barely know the meaning — okay so Elsa’ Song is primarily pretty heartbreaking right? The more heartbreaking part being that it is sung as a lullaby. Who didn’t have that moment when the meaning of the words you’re saying slips through your fingers just because you said them too often? Who didn’t have that sad awakening moment of losing trust in a person just because they always promised something and never did it?

After summers of fasting I feel hunger at last — I’ve been thinking about tattooing this quote for quite a while now. It reminds me of my depressive state which very often returned to me in summer and every time it slowly creeped away, I felt the hunger for life in the early autumn.  Every time felt like an eternity. 

Is nought but fumble-falls and guns and tumbleweeds, love, run — my favourite quote from the superior use of the English language that is that section in Love Run. I am in love with it. All the phonetic twirls makes me shiver sometimes.

Well, hello my hollow Holofernes — ALLITERATION SUPREMACY!!  

I’ll sing silence and ask my glass of wine for guidance — i love to sit at home alone and stare into my glass. it doesn’t answer though. what about it. and again — to sing silence? OXYMORONS GIVE ME THEM

Go tell me how we fucked you up and oh my god, it’s so unfair — ah. the hardship of parenting/teaching. I was there, I remember it all too well. 

Let’s us waltz for the dead — the oxymoronic style of this line IS JUST A CHEF’S KISS. WALTZ? VERY SOPHISTICATED THING? FOR THE DEAD? NOT THAT PLEASANT TYPE OF A THING? mister batey let me boop you affectionately on the nose you are so clever.

[stusbunker]

Spotless: Dolce

Chapter Twenty One

Featuring: Dean Winchester/Reader, Dean/Bela

Word Count: 1787

Warnings, etc: Mutual pining, minor backstory, they're idiots your honor, unbeta'd

A/N: Thank you all for your patience. Apart from being sick, I second and third and quintuple guessed myself on this chapter and then thoroughly ignored the difficult parts and just let them have a conversation on their own. That's it, it's just a phone call. xoxo Stu

Forgive me @lastactiontricia <3

Series Masterlist

You stood in your kitchen staring at the food in the fridge. It wasn’t much, but you had options.You just hated them all at that moment. You closed the door and slogged over to the pantry. It was the Friday night after Dean’s birthday and you wanted nothing to do with your phone or work or anything social media related. 

So you had turned off your ringer and left it to charge. 

You grabbed a bag of microwave popcorn out of the box and ripped off the plastic wrap. It was a poor excuse for dinner, but it at least would tide you over while you decided what you actually wanted to eat. Then you poured yourself a glass of wine, a sweet white because you were not a snob about it. No matter how many trips to Napa people took you on, you really weren’t going to spend an arm and a leg on a bottle that you only half-heartedly appreciated.

Once it was ready, you took the puffed up bag of popcorn with you to the living room because what was the point of making another dish? And decidedly resorted to turning on the tv.

The thing about streaming shows is that even though your attention wavered, the consistency of the characters on the screen made you feel less alone. You got through six episodes before you realized you never made anything for dinner. And at that point, it was too late to start. You stomped around trying to remember where you left your phone only to find a missed call from Dean and a dozen random texts from other people.

You double checked you didn’t have any voicemails and scrolled down to order delivery. Once dinner was finally sorted, you poured yourself the last of the bottle of wine and called Dean back.

The phone rang in your ear as you sat in the corner of your couch, criss-cross applesauce while turning on the next episode on mute. He answered on the fourth ring.

“Trouble, hey!”

“You rang?” You took a sip. Wherever he was was loud, but you could hear him moving through the buzz of passing conversation and cutlery.

“Yeah, you got a minute?”

“The night is my oyster, what’s up?” You leaned forward and set your glass on the coffee table, stretching back and settling in for whatever fire you were going to have to put out next.

The sounds surrounding Dean ended abruptly and he exhaled. “Not much, just grabbing drinks with some people from the label with Bela. You know, schmoozing the uppity ups.”

“Oh— good luck with that.” You shifted onto one hip and hugged your knee. “Tell her she has to pick where we’re getting brunch because the place I wanted is closed for remodeling—- and that she’s paying.”

Dean huffed a laugh. “I’ll fucking cover it, okay? Anything else you need me to tell her? Cuz I could go back in there and just hand her the phone if you want—”

“Nope— no, sorry. It’s fine. You okay?” Something in his voice was setting off a proximity alarm in your head, not full blown panic mode, but enough to let you know something had appeared on the horizon. 

“Yeah, ‘m good. It’s just not my kind of thing—- Bela’s great at these things— I just stand there wishing I could be anywhere else.”

“I’m surprised you even showed up— especially with rehearsals starting Monday.” You grabbed your wine again, waiting Dean out.

“Gotta play nice— you said so,” Dean teased, you could hear the soft hum of his smugness before he shifted gears. “Listen— that whole thing with Cas and the birthday bus— and the whole day actually—”

“Are you really gonna start bitching about that now? Dean, it is so not the time— don’t you have someone’s ass to kiss?”

“What?! I’m not— would you let me finish?! Jesus. I was trying to thank you!--- Don’t know why, now, but yeah.”

You bit your lips and perked up, straightening your back and wagging your head a little back and forth. “Oh? By all means— continue.”

“Yeah, okay, smart ass.”

You cackled and let him stew a bit.

“It was seriously the best, okay? Like, top five of all time.” Dean switched ears and you tried not to squee with the idea of making him so happy he’d been thinking about it for days. That he had to call you to tell you— even as an excuse to escape a less than stellar social situation. Everything seemed to sparkle on your skin, but that could have been the Reisling. “And about dragging Cas out— that was an unexpected gift. So, yeah, thank you— for all your trouble.”

You groaned.

“Oh come on! That one wasn’t that bad.” Dean pretended to be affronted and you pretended to be annoyed.

“Sure.”

He sniggered. “It was good to see him. It’d been too damn long.”

“Seriously. We had lunch and just getting to hang out with him made everything better.”

“Yeah.” Dean was thinking and you let him.

The television was frozen on the prompt screen, judging you for still watching, but you ignored it. You finished your wine and looked at the last drops through the curved glass, distracted by the reflection of your empty living room.

“You think he’s doing alright? I mean— he’s got a freakin’ kid. That’s got to have been a total mindfuck— you know?”

Naturally, Dean was worried about how Cas was, not about harboring grudges or blaming him for the rift between them. At least not out loud.

“I cannot imagine— and luckily we don’t have to worry about anyone trying to pull that again.”

“Yeah, tell me about it. Fuckin’ Lisa, I almost forgot about that. That was like the first big thing you had to bury when you started.”

You sat up and climbed onto your knees, like getting taller would help make your point. “Oh, I know! God that was such an uphill battle, even when she pretended to play nice. I still get the heebie jeebies when I pass her yoga studio on the way to Charlie’s.”

Dean chuckled. “Man— the things we do for fame. We are paying you, right?”

“Last time I checked.”

“Okay, good, probably should be more though, especially with all the Bela stuff.”

“Dean— I make well over the industry standard percentage with you guys. Plus, you barely even charge me rent. I’m doing fine.”

“Whatever—- still, want you to know your hard work is appreciated.”

You settled back down and picked at the seam of your leggings. “That is the weirdest way you could have said thank you, I hope you know.”

“Fuck off— Thank you, okay? THANK YOU. Should I spell it out? Maybe say it in Spanish?”

“Claro.”

“Como se dice ‘bite me’, huh?”

“Muérdeme.”

“Uhhh—- yeah, not gonna try that one while I’m standing in an alley alone.”

You rolled your eyes. “You should probably go back inside. People are waiting on you.”

“They barely even looked up when I stepped away— Bela’d message me if it was a problem.”

“Deeeeeean.”

“Trouuubbbllllle,” the way his voice rumbled with your nickname made it hard to remember you were even wearing clothes.

You climbed off the couch and decided to put your glass in the dishwasher for something to do. He wasn’t going back into the restaurant, but he wasn’t exactly keeping you from anything either.

“Why’d you call if you were out anyway?”

“Heh— I called you to talk me into going through with it.”

Oops. “Well good job on getting there on your own.”

“I was already halfway to Bela’s anyway. Paps perked up real fast when we rolled up. Gonna have to switch out Baby for a rental one of these days. Don't like the way they hone in on her.”

You rolled your eyes. “Probably a good idea, especially if you need privacy.”

“Not really the point of this little arrangement is it?”

“Okay, but still, be safe.”

“With my car? Always.”

You smiled to yourself when there was a knock at your door.

“Somebody there?” You hadn’t realized he could hear it over the line.

“Just dinner.” You beelined through the living room, suddenly starving. You pinched your phone between your shoulder and your cheek as you unlocked the front door. 

“So, what? Just another night in for you? Lemme guess, messy bun and no bra, maybe some leggings?”

You made sure everything was in the bag where the driver left it and dragged it back to the kitchen for a plate. “Is this you asking me what I’m wearing?”

“Maybe.”

You stopped short, and had to lift the bag up onto the counter a second time to keep it from becoming one with the floor. “Ha, ha.”

“Come on, it’s not like I’m gonna do anything here. Just making conversation.”

You ground your teeth, anger spiking from this sudden turn into teasing. “Yeah, well, when it’s the closest thing to a come on I’ve had in months— it feels a little bit more than that.”

You feel the penny drop.

“Dry spell, huh? I was wondering about that.”

“Oh shut it. You’ve got a fairytale fake girlfriend and I’ve got a band to keep relevant, neither of us is really out there mingling.”

Dean cleared his throat. “You can take time off—- if you need, you know that right? Hell, find somebody’s discarded boyfriend backstage and burn off some steam or something. ‘S one of the perks of a tour.---- But take care of yourself first, alright?”

You look up at the ceiling at the rows of spotlights Dean installed, once upon a time, that framed the island and sighed. “I’m not discussing my sex life with you— like— ever again.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun. We’ll have a sleepover and braid Sam’s hair.”

You sputtered and then went back to dishing up your food.

“Muérdeme, Dean. Then we’d have to listen to all the kinky shit him and Madison are into, no thank you.”

“Touche.”

You heard Dean’s phone buzz with a notification. The metaphorical clock struck twelve.

“That’s Bela, isn’t it?”

“Yep. Okay, well, it’s been fun.”

You inhaled and sent him off, “go get ‘em, champ.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Thanks again for the birthday shenanigans. I’ll see you next week?”

“I’ll be at rehearsal, but I’ve got calls and stuff scheduled throughout the day.”

“Sounds good. Have a good one.”

“You too.”

Something lingered between you in the silence and before you could say something you’d regret, you finally ended the call. It almost felt like he was waiting you out, making sure not to be the one that hung up first.

Tagging:

@deans-spinster-witch

@mrswhozeewhatsis

@cosicas-cuquis

@fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like

@suckitands33

@ladysparkles78

@deans-baby-momma

@stoneyggirl2

@sassy-pelican

@leigh70

@globetrotter28

@winharry

@lastactiontricia

@rockhoochie

[wonfilms]

warnings : tears, hurt/ comfort, referenced friends w benefits, angst

word count : 5.1 k

“how long will this go on for?” you could barely manage a whisper, your body felt so awfully cold even though hyunjin’s arms were wrapped around you. 

his arm was heavy against your torso but it was nowhere near as much of a burden as the thumping of your heart against your chest.

he sat up in the bed next to you and cocked an eyebrow. “what’s that supposed to mean?”

you should’ve seen this coming. it was supposed to be a no strings attached contract, you’d both cleared that up the moment this… whatever this awkward little fling was, started. his eyes were slightly glassy, the moisture reflecting the soft moonlight that spilled through the blinds of the room.

his room, the one you’d spent many nights in, wrapped up in the sweet scent of his shampoo and the cotton of his sheets.

the smell used to be oh so comforting but now it bore a hole in your chest where your heart used to be, even the whiff of it burned your throat, so bittersweet in its wake.

“this wasn’t supposed to end like this” your words tumbled out your lips, “we were never supposed to be like this”

hyunjin simply rubbed his eyes tiredly, “you’re scaring me, seriously… what’s even wrong?”

his nonchalance made your blood boil, “i’ll tell you what’s wrong hyunjin?! i’ve been waking up in your bed for the past month. hell, i haven’t slept in my own room for weeks. we're supposed to be just friends, so what is this?”

his eyes held an almost guilty expression, avoiding your gaze as you stared at his bare back, your cheeks felt warm as he tumbled back against the pillow next to you again.

“i know that this isn’t what we agreed on… but we’re just friends right?” he swallowed thickly,

that hurt more than it should’ve done.

just friends.. but just “friends” don’t look at each other like that.

considering hyunjin your lover would only be foolish.

but… you’d be lying to yourself if you said you’d not thought about him like that, hell even now you were picturing him in your head as yours.

yours and only yours, that;s what your heart had led you to believe, you suppose that’s what spending every waking hour with someone does to you.

if you carried this on any longer you think your head would burden you as well.

love was not pleasure, nor was it lust… but at this point you could barely differentiate between them, when it came to hyunjin all of those emotions felt as real as each other.

“i think we should have a break hyunjin” your lips spoke monotonously, this would be for the best… right?

so why are your eyes flooding with tears at the mere thought of it? your thoughts almost blurred together, matching the incoherency of your tinnitus.

the silence was long but the words that took you almost by surprise.

“please look at me” you could hear the desperation laced in his voice. his hand placed itself atop yours, and you felt your heart drop at the soft sniffles that erupted from your side. it was too dark to make out his features but it didn’t take a genius to work out that hyunjin was crying. his stray tears dribbled down his cheeks onto your palm.

“i don’t want us to end like this.” his voice was gruff, barely audible and it made your head swim with guilt.

“how do you want us to end hyunjin..?” you spoke softly, wiping the sticky tears that were now flowing down your face away.

“i meant all of those things i said when we were half lucid” he looked down, thumb intently drawing sloppy circles around your knuckles, “it was never just words, it was how i felt… no .” “it is how i feel”

your faces were so close together that you could almost make out the outline of his lips and the sweet curve of his nose amidst the darkness.

“every i love you and every compliment” he carried on speaking , his forehead now leant against yours.. “i meant it all… and i don’t think i could forgive myself for lying to you like this”

you scoffed, pulling his hands into your lap, “what do you mean lying hyunjin?”

“i wasn’t supposed to fall in love, was i? ” he bit his lower lip to prevent it from quivering, “i messed it up and i made you uncomfortable… it wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

you could almost laugh if he wasn’t being this awfully damn sweet, “you didn’t make me uncomfy hyun?”

“wait, i thought that’s why you were mad?” his eyebrows cocked up at your words.

“i was mad because i didn’t know what i meant to you but i think you’ve cleared that up for me” you could feel the heat rise to your cheeks as you recounted his indirect confession towards you.

“so what do i mean to you y/n.. ?” he whispered , voice laced with concern.

you leaned in to take his face into your hands, his breathing hitched in the back of his throat at your ministrations.”i don’t wanna be just friends anymore” you mumbled before pressing your lips to his.

that kiss felt different to all of the many others that you’d shared with hyunjin. there was a tenderness to it… something that was unmistakably love. just friends don’t look at each other like this, but maybe that was the reason it all felt like it was falling apart anyways. you and hyunjin weren’t made for being simply just friends.

lovers fitted the two of you better.

a/n : so it’s hyunjin’s birthday and i wrote him angst oops, anyways happy birthday to the prettiest boy on the planet , NOT PROOFREAD SO LMK IF THERE’S ANY MISTAKES THANK YOU FOR READING!!

[twistedwonderlandyuusworld]

Twst Dormleaders + Jamil Apologize to (MC) Yuu For Calling Them a Mudblood

A/N: This is part 2 of the previous post of “The Dormleaders calling you a mudblood during an argument”. Sry part 2 look so long, I was busy with school. Btw I’m for some reason not able to reply to comments I don’t know why it’s not working 😭. However, you all can still comment and I can still see them. I’m going to be brainstorming the next story after this one I have ideas on what I want to do but I just need to properly gather my thoughts. It honestly might be completely random and not related to Harry Potter at all but we’ll see.

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle felt absolutely horrible for how he treated you. He couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and couldn’t even focus on his studies

He should’ve been more understanding. But no, he accidentally fell back to his old habits, which he promised he wouldn’t do again.

He told Trey what happened. He needed advice. It was no doubt that Trey was absolutely disappointed in Riddle for what he did.

“You know Riddle I’m very disappointed in you. And after all, it’s ironic how you call them that, and yet I myself am a muggle-born too. But you never once called me that, did you?” Trey says while raising his eyebrow. Riddle looks up at him and looks down again in shame.

“I’m not gonna lie, that’s truly unforgivable. I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t even glance at you ever again.” Trey says while shaking his head like a disappointed mother.

“Yes I know I know!” Riddle says while putting his hands through his hair. “I want to make it up to them. But I don’t know how. Please help me.”

Trey thought and thought. “How about inviting them to a one on one tea party? I’ll make their favorite pastries and then you’ll apologize.

“That sounds excellent. But how are we going to get them to come? They’ll never accept it if they know I’m here.” Trey closed his eyes to think. “Why don’t we fib a little and say that I want to have them to come to Heartstabyl and taste test a new pastry for me?”

The plan was set. They organized a tea party in the garden and Trey went to go and fetch you. Riddle’s heart practically stopped when he seen you enter the gardens with Trey where he was waiting. You made eye contact with Riddle and immediately averted your eyes in anger.

You look at Trey in utter betrayal and he reassures you that’s it’s okay and has you sit down at the table that was scattered with tea and treats. Trey leaves you both in peace. You look down at your plate and don’t say a word; Riddle begins to speak up.

“H-how are you today, Y/N?” He says nervously. You start tapping your fingers on the table and still don’t look at him. “Oh so I’m “Y/N” now? I thought my name was “mudblood”….” You say with a hint of venom in your voice. Riddle looks down in shame then speaks up again. “Y-Y/N….forgive me….i should’ve never called you that under any circumstance. I was just so frustrated and I know that’s not an excuse but I just wanted you to do well in your studies. I know you have so much potential. You being at NRC alone just shows you have potential. I just wanted to uplift you to be the best you can be. Please let me make this right. I care about you.” He takes your hand in his. “I will never call you that again. I would have the Queen of Hearts herself take my head before I do something as vile as that again.” He looks at you with such sincerity and your glare softens as he says the last part.

“I….um….” You thought and thought. “I know it’ll take time for you to forgive me-.” “I forgive you Riddle.” He looks at you surprised, he wasn’t expecting you to forgive him so easily. “R-really? You’re sure?” You nod with a small smile. “But I should apologize too.” He was even more shocked. “Because I brought up your mother, which was a really touchy subject for you, and therefore I’m kinda at fault to. So I’m sorry.” He couldn’t believe this. After what HE said you were sorry? No this wasn’t right. He then engulfs you in a hug which took you by surprise.

“I will never hurt you again, you have nothing to apologize for….”

Leona Kingscholar

He laid on his back with his eyes closed and arms crossed as Ruggie scolded him like there was no tomorrow. He definitely seen this one coming.

“How could you do that?! You know they’ll never speak to you again, yes?” Leona rolls his eyes. “They were interrupting my nap.” He replied nonchalantly. “So what?! You nap all the time! They were only trying to help you. They are one of the few people who care about you and you pushed them away.”

This time, Leona opened up one eye to look at Ruggie who was standing over him. “And now you probably foolishly lost them forever over something like this. They’ll never give you a chance.”

No matter how much Leona wanted to deny it but Ruggie was right. You were only one of the very few people who cared about him and he treated you like trash. Leona sits up finally and stares forward.

“And on top of that you- hey where are you going?” Ruggie says as Leona gets up and walks away as he’s talking. Leona goes all the way to Ramshackle. He’s thinking about how the conversation will go. In his mind, it honestly won’t go well, but it’s better to address it rather than leave it alone like it didn’t happen.

Once at Ramshackle dorms he gets to the front door. He didn’t hesitate to knock. “Coming!” You say as you approach the door with a smile. You opened it to reveal Leona staring at you intensely. As soon as you see him your smile turns to a frown and glare. You go to slam the door in his face but he puts his foot in the door to prevent you from closing it on him. Pissed off, you opened the door again. “What do you want?”

“I’m sorry, you know, for calling you….THAT. I shouldn’t have and I was such an asshole. Can you forgive me herbivore?” You were crossing your arms while looking at him skeptically. You didn’t know if you wanted to forgive him because he called you a mudblood with his chest and even told you to get lost.

“No.” You say firmly. You go to close the door again but this time he prys through the door and grabs your hand gently. As you were about to yank your hand away, he engulfs you in a hug. “I’m sorry. I love you-um…your company…and it would be a shame if I didn’t get to see you as often….”

Your eyes soften at his sincerity. You slowly hug him back. “I…I forgive you…”

Azul Ashengrotto

This man literally hid in his octo pot for days. He did not come out for anything. Not even for clients.

Jade and Floyd were extremely worried for him. He was falling back to his old habits.

They had enough though, they went to his room to ask him what’s wrong and he reluctantly replied.

“You did what now?” Jade asked with wide eyes. “Ehhh??~ Why would you call Shrimpy a mudblood? That’s not like you Azul.” Said Floyd. “Indeed, I never took you to be the prejudice type.” Jade added on.

Azul looked up from his knees to talk to them. “I-I’m not! I-it just came out! It started off as banter, then…then….i don’t know!” He looks down sadly. “But now….i know one thing, they hate me. They’ll never love me as I grew to love them…”

Floyd exhales dramatically. “Don’t start crying again Azul….its annoying…just go to Shrimpy and apologize already!”

Azul’s eyes widen. “I can’t face them now! They hate me!”

Jade shakes his head disapprovingly. “It’s better to at least try than not try at all. You’d be surprised, maybe they will forgive you, who knows.”

Azul contemplates on the matter. Would you forgive him? Or would you start insulting him and express how much you hate him for what he did? But Jade was right. He couldn’t just sweep this under the rug.

The next day he sees you in one of the potion labs doing an assignment. It takes a lot of courage but eventually he makes his way over to you. You look up to see who was walking towards you. Once you seen Azul, you glared at him and attempted to leave the lab station you were at and move somewhere else. Azul’s eyes widen at your actions.

“P-Prefect please wait! Give me a moment!” You roll your eyes look back at him. “What? I’m not “Mudblood” today?” You say sarcastically. He flinches at your harsh tone. He clears his throat.

“You were never that to me. Never had been and never will. Prefect I’m sorry I called you that the other day. I was so caught up in the banter that it just came out. I promise I’m not like that. I want to make things right.” He sees your glare get angrier. “W-with no contract involved of course!”

You averted your eyes.

Azul watches you with anticipation. Fearing of what your response will be. Finally after a long pause. “It’s ok Azul, I forgive you.” Azul couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Really-?” “HOWEVER. You have to show me you’re sorry. I want something from you.”

“O-of course anything.” You thought and thought. “I want free food from all of the items on the menu in the mostro lounge for an entire month!” You say while smirking. Azul doesn’t usually give things out for free, but since it was he who was in the wrong and is currently begging for your forgiveness, he has no choice but to comply.

“Alright then, deal.”

Kalim Al Asim

Let’s just say, he was balling his eyes out for hours. He never meant to hurt you.

Jamil stood and watched him cry with a bored expression.

Jamil sighs. “I still can’t believe you did that but at the same time, I wouldn’t expect more….”

Kalim sniffles. “I h-have to go apologize! They are probably crying too.” (lol not) “But how should I apologize?….” His eyes then lit up. “I know! We can throw a massive party in their honor! We’ll have a feast, camels, elephants, gold statues of them, and- and-.” Jamil shakes his head and mutters. “If we have to throw an extravagant party then I’LL be the one crying….”

Jamil exhales sharply. “I meant go apologize like a normal person. Not everyone can be bought with expensive things.” Kalim thought and thought. Jamil has a point. He has to take it upon himself to go see them and apologize.

The next day Kalim looks everywhere to find you. He ended up finding you on the field practicing broom flying techniques. He was seriously nervous but went up to you anyways. “H-hey Prefect.” He said cautiously afraid of your reaction.

You look up and meet his gaze. It was a very unreadable expression. You nod as a response then looked back down to your broom. “I um I…, I’m so sorry for calling you what I called you the other day. I didn’t know what it actually meant or how people use it in context. Please forgive me!” He bows at a 90 degree angle.

You just stare at him then lowly chuckle at his action. “It’s ok. I forgive you Kalim.”

He was surprised. “Y-you do?”

You nod. “Maybe I was being a tad overdramatic, I left before you had a chance to explain yourself.”

Kalim smiled. “I’m so glad you forgive me!” He looks down at your broom. “Are you about to fly?” You nod. “Coach Vargas says I need to practice my form little more.”

Kalim thinks. “I have an idea that’s way better than a broom.” You tilt your head to the side in confusion.

2 hours later.

“How you holding up Prefect?” Kalim says with a bright smile.

You look down anxiously at the view below you two on his magic carpet. “A-aren’t we a little bit too high Kalim?”

He shakes his head. “Nope! And in anyway. This is my apology gift to you!” He smiles and you smile back at him.

Jamil Viper

Jamil’s chores around the Scarabia dorm weren’t as up to par as usual. All because of the mistake he made a few days ago.

He felt bad for treating you like that. You were only caring about his wellbeing and he took that for granted. Kalim thankfully didn’t know what went on. And Jamil was glad that he didn’t because Kalim was the last person he wanted to give him a lecture of all people.

Jamil couldn’t take it anymore. He spent all day trying to find you. You weren’t at Ramshackle. You weren’t at the court yard. And you weren’t at the cafeteria where you spent the most time with your first year friends. Where could you be??

Then after what felt like forever. He finally found you. You were in the library reading a book at a table by yourself.

He went up to you. As you looked down at your book, you felt a presence coming near you. You looked up to meet your gaze with Jamil. You immediately glared at him and attempted to get up and leave. Jamil seen this coming and quickly but also gently took your wrist to stop you.

“Prefect please, I have something to say.”

“Oh, so you finally have time to speak with me, and with a “mudblood” no less?” You say bitterly.

Jamil knew you were saying this to spite him. “Please I know what I said. And I know that you’re still angry. But I just wanted to say I sincerely apologize. Me acting like that at Scarabia was utterly childish and rude. You were only trying to help and I pushed you away. I’m so sorry. You’re the last person I would want to release my repressed anger on. I genuinely enjoy your company. You’re one of a kind and deserve to be here as much as anyone here. And I will also NEVER under any circumstance call you what I called you again.” He says softly looking into your eyes.

Your glare softened.

“Then….i forgive you.” You smile and engulf him in a hug.

Vil Schoenheit

Epel was ready to fight Vil.

How dare he call you something so vile? The idea of it being an accident completely left his head. He didn’t care. He wanted to punch Vil so bad.

Vil shakes his head while Rook was holding back a feral Epel.

“I must make it up to them.” Vil says not paying Epel any mind.

“You could try serenading them with your beautiful voice!” Rook says smoothly.

Vil shakes his head. “No. It’s an apology, not a performance, Rook. I’m going to go find them. I have to apologize directly, not indirectly.” Vil goes to find you.

“HEY! GET BACK HERE! I’M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!” Epel says struggling to get out of Rook’s tight grip while Rook holds him with no effort and with a smile on his face.

Vil knows your go-to hang out spot. The cafeteria. Once he gets there he immediately spots you sitting at a table on your phone. ‘Okay great.’ He thinks. ‘They’re not with anyone right now. It’ll make this conversation easier.’

He walks up to you and once you feel his presence. You immediately look up. You glare at him and make an attempt to leave. He blocks your path.

“Move.” You said with coldness to your voice.

“Give me 3 minutes, please.” You roll your eyes and let him speak while crossing your arms.

“I’m so very sorry Prefect. Me calling you….you know….was an extremely ugly thing to do. I never wished to cause you anguish. I….i just wanted to bring out the best in you. Show you…how beautiful you are to me. How I view you. But when you rejected my acts of service, I snapped. I shouldn’t have. And I’m sorry. Can you ever forgive me?” He says softly and looks down ashamed. This was the first time you seen him so….vulnerable and as his non-strict self.

“I…I forgive you Vil.” You say as you smile at him.

He doesn’t buy it though. “You don’t have to feel inclined to forgive me immediately. What I did was truly unforgivable. How about I treat you to a free spa day at Pomefiore?”

Your eyes widen. “Oh no you don’t have to-.” “I insist.” He takes your hand and drags you to Pomefiore. He was giving you apology princess treatment whether you liked it or not.

Idia Shroud

Safe to say was he was locked in his room after his argument with you.

He was so stressed that he couldn’t even play video games. Ortho was getting worried.

How could he be so stupid?? How could he hurt his crush in the process of getting rid of the annoying people that intervene during their hang out times?

All he knew was that he needed to apologize or else he would lose one of his close friends to those Heartstabyl idiots.

Oh god how he hated confrontation. However it needed to be done.

He leaves his room to search for you. The first place he looks is Ramshackle.

Once there, he sees you sitting on a bench outside that’s near the entrance of the building.

He inhales and exhales sharply, gathering his courage to go up to you. You didn’t notice him until he was actually standing in front of you. You look up at him briefly then look back down not saying a word.

He stares at you a bit before he starts talking. “U-um….u-uh I-I…”. You sit in silence. “I um…s-sorry.” He clears his throat. “I’m sorry for calling you uh the forbidden word.” He says almost in a mumble. “I didn’t mean it. I was just very annoyed with your friends and took it out on you in the worst way. I’ll never do it again.”

You didn’t answer and he was anxiously waiting for your response. “I-I’ll even leave you alone forever if you want….what I did was unforgiv-.” “I forgive you.” You say cutting him off. He looks at you surprised.

“Y-you….really?” You nod. He couldn’t understand why you forgave him that easily. “Why so sudden?” He asks. “Because perhaps I was being inconsiderate of your position. I understand you’re an introvert and only comfortable around me…and you probably didn’t appreciate me randomly inviting others during our time together, therefore…I’m sorry too.” He was shocked.

“Even if you think you were inconsiderate Prefect, I had no reason you call you what I did.”

You wave him off. “It’s okay. Today is a new day. Let’s go hang out. Just us that is.” You smile. “Wanna play video games in your room?”

He gives a small smile and his hair turns pink on the edges. “I….i would like that…”

Malleus Draconia

Malleus was sulking. Lilia tried to get him to leave the dorm for fresh air but he wouldn’t. He was so ashamed. Lilia even tried to bribe him with ice cream. But still, nothing.

“Malleus! Please come out! If you don’t tell us what’s wrong, how can we help?” Lilia says outside of his door with Sebek and Silver by his side.

Malleus finally lets them inside and tells them everything.

“HOW DARE THAT HUMAN UPSET YOU!?” Sebek says that the top of his lungs. Silver deadpans and looks at Sebek in a tired expression.

“Did you not listen to a thing he said, Sebek? It was HE who hurt Prefect, not the other way around.” Silver says.

“BUT STILL, THAT LOWLY HUMAN CAUSED DISTRESS TO THE YOUNG MASTER! I TOLD YOU THEY WERE BAD NEWS. EVER SINCE THEY GOT HERE, EVER SINCE THE MIRROR SORTING CEREMONY, THEY ARE NOTHING BUT-.” Sebek gets cut off.

“SILENCE!!!!” Malleus says in anger and frustration. After that, Sebek immediately stops talking. They all froze, then Malleus speaks up again. “It’s my fault. This whole situation is. I don’t know what to do and YOU’RE not making this situation any helpful Sebek.”

Sebek looks down sadly after having being scolded from Malleus. “Y-yes Wakasama.” He says quietly.

Lilia speaks up to lower the tension. “Why don’t you go to them and apologize?”

Malleus paused.

“I-I don’t know. Will they accept it?” He says worriedly. “Well it’s worth a try. After all they are your friend, and usually friends make up so why not?” Lilia says hopefully.

Malleus nods and gets up to go look for you. He spent all day looking for you. You were no where to be found, but he wouldn’t give up. Soon nightfall came and he stopped his search at Ramshackle. The stars and moon were shining bright. Malleus exhales in frustration. “Where could they be?” Suddenly his thoughts get interrupted by a noise. It sounded like….crying? He looks up on the Ramshackle roof and see you in plain sight, sitting with your head in your knees crying. His heart aches at the sight.

He magically transports himself on the roof with you and sits down beside you.

You felt his presence and looked up, when you seen it was him you put your head back in your knees. “Leave me alone…” you said barely audible. Malleus immediately wraps his arms around you and brings you closer. “Child of man…please forgive me….I…I was just so…angry when you didn’t spend time with me. I’m just so tired of being alone. You are one of the very few people who aren’t afraid of me and actually take time to come see me. I was a fool. I called you that because…well…because I wanted you to feel what I felt when you left me. And it was extremely foolish of me to do so, because it didn’t help anything. I’m sorry. I shall never call you that ever again.”

You look up at him finally.

He waits for your answer with anticipation.

“I…I forgive you.” Malleus sighs in relief and pulls you in a tight hug.

“You are too kind and benevolent, Child of Man. I truly don’t deserve you.”

You hug him back. “You sound sincere, and after all, doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance? Life is short.”

Malleus looks down at you and chuckles. “Maybe for you, Child of Man. But not for me.”

You laugh. “I suppose that’s true.”

Unbeknownst to them, Lilia, Sebek, and Silver were spying on them.

Lilia gets teary eyed at the sight and wipes a tear. “Oh! Aren’t they cute! They made up!”

Silver gives a soft smile. “Yes…I’m glad. They truly are friends…”

Sebek rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. “They better appreciate this! After all, the young master’s time isn’t cheap-.” He gets cut off by Lilia shushing him. “Quiet! Sebek! They’ll hear you!”

You stare at their hiding spot. “They’re loud.”

“Must they follow me around every where I go?” Malleus says embarrassed.

[servethelight]

Shit I’ve noticed during my clone wars rewatch and my interpretation (very Obi-Wan focused because he’s my favorite character lmao):

(Includes spoilers obviously)

+ I love this show to bits, but it has horrible issues with consistency. Every other episode there is a new weapon or something introduced and we’ll never see it again. This is very prevalent in especially the first seasons.

+ Obi-Wan is such a fucking enabler. Like he tells Anakin his plans are stupid at least twice during the Malevolence episodes, but then joins him on all of those. It’s literally like: “Anakin this plan is reckless and won’t work, anyways what’s my part in your plan?”

+ Rex running into that metal pipe. I forgot about that and laughed for 20 minutes straight.

+ Anakin pulls a “Are ya winning son?” on Obi-Wan about Ahsoka.

+ I once saw a post that it isn’t confirmed that Obi-Wan and Cody are friends, but you have Obi-Wan literally marveling on how competent the commander is and Cody always going the extra mile to save his general’s ass. To me that’s pretty much a friendship.

+ The Jedi are in general very gentle, but quite touchy. They might not go for hugs, but there is always someone touching someone’s shoulder or waist. And they’re just so fucking kind. I don’t think I ever noticed that as a kid, but they’re so respectful about life and culture and always helping someone. I just love them so much.

+ And I love the understanding and kindness the clones have. They’re soldiers and programmed to kill, but they’re also good people in most cases. I just wanna hug most of them.

+ My mother told me I cried as a child during the episodes with the Zillo beast. Well, I didn’t cry again, but I’m still so fucking mad at Palpatine for putting that poor creature in that position. If he just had listened to Mace Windu (more of the characters should actually, just saying) that poor animal wouldn’t have killed people and found its end like that.

+ Mortis is quite hated by the fandom but for me it’s a defining showcase of Obi-Wan’s, Anakin’s and Ahsoka’s relationship. I’ve seen people in the fandom saying that Anakin would’ve turned out differently if Obi-Wan would’ve told him he’s proud and took care of his feelings. This episodes literally show that he does exactly that and Anakin still doesn’t give a shit.

+ Anakin tells the son in his dream, that he’ll never come to the dark side willingly. Only to walk over to the literal manifestation of the dark side like 10 minutes later to save Ashoka. I came to the conclusion that the only way to tempt him was by promising to save his loved ones. I still think it was a really awful and greedy thing to become Vader for that, but I must admit it’s a noble character trait to put others first.

+ Kit Fisto doesn’t have nipples. Therefore I’ve concluded he’s isn’t a mammal and hatched from an egg like Nemo the clownfish. (And no, that isn’t a animation thing, Rex does have nipples when his shirt is off).

+ The discussion with my gf about Kit Fisto nipples and Star Wars biology also touched the topic of “how does Maul use the bathroom”. My conclusion is: he has a stoma, because the lower abdomen, where that would be, is always covered.

+ Hardcase mentions he is hyperactive. I now see him as my favorite ADHD clone, because having ADHD myself I can fucking relate.

+ I forgot Waxer died on Umbara and bawled my eyes out. Waxer is one my favorite clones and when he cried while dying I just couldn’t take it.

+ My friend spent the entire Umbara arc just simping for the clones (mostly Jesse), while I was suffering. So maybe they look hot or something for people attracted to men in this episodes.

+ In the episode after the Umbara the duo usually consisting of Waxer and Boil is sent out, but this time it’s just Boil and I was about to bawl again.

+ For being called “the negotiator” Obi-Wan gets his ass beat quite a lot after his “negotiations” (aggressive flirting).

+ While I’ll never forgive Obi-Wan for doing that Raako Hardeen shit, I nearly pissed myself when the Ziro the Hutt’s ex gf is flirting with not one but two women there. Like I didn’t expect her to be the fucking gay rep in clone wars.

+ I’m seriously never forgiving Obi-Wan for that. I can’t get over Ahsoka’s tear filled eyes while she’s holding his corpse. Also she doesn’t seem angry like Anakin just massively sad and disappointed after it is revealed that he’s still alive. Personally I believe she’s starting to doubt the order here.

+ Point three on hating on my favorite character for that shit, I feel like Anakin becomes quieter and less playful after that disaster.

+ Maul is me. He’s obsessed with Obi-Wan and mentions that he has massive problems what is going on inside his head. As a mentally ill person, that makes me feel really seen lmao.

+ The underwater episodes and the ones with Ventress on that train were just the most beautiful worlds I’ve ever seen. Like the planets in general are so beautifully designed in clone wars, I’m so in love.

+ Motherfucking “I said fuck the council and became a child soldier for a rebellion at 13” Obi-Wan Kenobi seems very reluctant on doing it again. There are two entire arcs of him disagreeing on helping rebels. First I didn’t understand, because like dude you literally did this before, but since he talks about his worries about bringing the separatists in or worsen the situation, I think the poor man is just a little bit traumatized.

+ After the events of Onderon I’m pretty sure Ashoka is already filled with doubts about the order, the republic and the war. I also feel like she’s feeling massively led down by Obi-Wan again, which broke my heart because I love their relationship.

+ I just realized he fails Ahsoka a third time, when she is captured by Hondo and Obi-Wan is supposed to help her. Instead he gets attacked by Grievous and is forced to postpone the helping them until they help themselves. I mean it’s not his fault but in Ahsoka’s place that wouldn’t feel good to me.

+ This particular fight with Grievous ignited my love for Obi-Wan again. Before he attacks Grievous he helps an injured clone and when he goes into the fight, Grievous directly kills a clone. Instead of his usual witty remarks, he just goes: “you’re gonna regret that” and jumps Grievous. He just loves his clones as much as I do.

+ One of the most beautiful shots in the entire series for me is in the episode before the droids find Gregor. This WAC droid looks into the desert and it reflects in his eye. Because of the cracks in the desert ground it looks almost like a retina. Beautiful metaphor of combining something artificial and metallic with an organic and almost human part. This was such a fucking raw shot for me, it took my breath away.

+ Tarkin is an asshole, but he’s climbed the asshole latter so hard after he has been mean to Plo Koon.

+ Shotout to Obi-Wan for convincing the order to let Anakin go after Ahsoka. Additionally the whole time he acts in her support only to be shut down by the council. I didn’t remember him doing that so I was surprised.

+ Fives tells the plot with the inhibitor chips to a cab driver. Do you think the cap driver ever thinks back after the war and is like: “Fuuuuuuck”?

+ I kid you not, the clone bar has gender neutral bathrooms (and no, it’s not bc the clones are all male, in the bar are also women). The bathroom are just decided by humans, hutts and a third species I cannot quite recognize.

+ I forgot Teckla gets shot, NOOOOOOO

+ I always say clone wars anakin is better, but Jesus stop acting like a jealous bitch. Padmè deserves an award for putting up with his bullshit. Obi-Wan too. He even tries to give him reassurance by telling him that feelings are not forbidden and Anakin just bitches at him.

+ Obi-Wan casually passing on babysitting duty for Jar Jar fucking killed me (and yes, taking care of Jar Jar is babysitting duty).

+ Never in a million years I would have thought to see Jar Jar admitting to fucking this queen, but here we have him saying he was making love to her last night. Imma set myself on fire and I believe Windu will join me.

+ You could also call the clone wars the exposition wars. Every episode has their one minute exposition in the beginning, but I feel like a lot of the dialogue is used for exposition.

+ Obi-Wan doesn’t learn shit. That man got drugged by Hondo, but yet still accepts drinks from the Pykes. MY BROTHER IN CHRIST PLEASE DONT

+ I AN GOING TO SCREAM. You have been informed that the Clones have a behavior influencing chip in their brains and then you find out Dooku was behind the creation of the clones and no one connects the fucking dots. I love the Jedi, but goddamn are you all dense.

+ Do you think Hunter thought Rex was screwing his general? Because their conversation sounded kinda suggestive and then they trail off to do something secret.

+ Ahsoka going “my older brother thought me”after kicking a guy where it hurts most. I now imagine Anakin going to Ahsoka as soon she got to be his padawan: “Listen up Snips, if you ever facing a creepy guy, you kick them right there”

+ When the sisters make their escape I don’t get why they don’t let Ahsoka fly. She’s clearly the more capable pilot.

+ Controversial opinion: I have a strong dislike for Bo Katan. She’s a fucking terrorist who doesn’t betray the deathwatch when they murder an entire innocent village, no but when there’s Maul trying to take their authority. Says a lot about her character if you ask me.

+ I mcfucking cried when the clones painted their helmets according to Ahsoka’s face markings and my flatmates gf came in and asked me if everything’s alright. I am fucking embarrassing I have seen this scene three times already but I still bawl like a baby.

+ Also my dear Obi-Wan can you quit being an ass? A “hello Ahsoka, nice to see you” wouldn’t have killed you.

+ Through the whole show most of the characters seemed to appear increasingly tired towards the end. Especially Obi-Wan and Ahsoka, but other characters aswell. The only one who seems to stay energized is Anakin. He becomes more serious but I feel like he’s the only one at the end that is still going into battles with full energy. It almost felt like he’s especially thriving in a war scenario which is incredibly sad.

+ The beauty of that last scene with Vader is truly unparalleled. I don’t ever think a tv show can recreate that.

+ I still love this show to bits and I cried 5 times total during that rewatch, shit this was nice.