#i’m about to watch 4 weddings and a funeral

[neuro-psyche]

hc that jason todd loves 90s romcom movies. The fairy tale ending and the simplicity of it all is 100% one of his guilty pleasures.

i feel like You’ve Got Mail is def one of his favorites. the references to pride and prejudice sold him on it. sure, he doesn’t like how Joe put Christine out of business, fuck late stage capitalism, but still.

Roy def showed up at (broke into) one of his safe houses while Jason was watching 4 Weddings and a Funeral and it went like :

Jason, sobbing during the funeral scene : What the fuck are you doing here.

Roy, already taking a photo for blackmail : Why the fuck are you crying.

Jason : I’m watching four weddings and a funeral.

Roy : What the hell is that.

Jason, already rewinding : Sit your ass down.

-Later-

Roy, sobbing violently during the funeral scene : He was his song, dude!

Jason, also sobbing violently despite having seen this movie hundreds of times : This scene never gets any easier.

Roy : We will never speak of this.

Jason : Speak on it and your body will end up in the river.

Roy : Agreed. Now shut up the movie is going.

also dick 100% watches the movies with him. they also both watch 10 things I hate about you and sob.

[aemondapologistfrfr]

His Princess - Pt8 Final

fancast!bloody ben x targ!fem!reader 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Summary: You and Ben return to Kings Landing. Rhaenyra is coronated before the people. A Targaryen Kings funeral and a wedding to end the war. 

Warnings: 18+ p in v, swearing, funeral, sappy after war feelings

Authors Note: i couldn’t make the funeral any longer bc i was actually getting too upset, i’m like super sad this is over tbh 

Word Count: 4k

⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆☁︎⋆₊ ⊹ ⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆☁︎⋆₊ ⊹ ⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆

I open my eyes and a smile spreads across my face as I see Ben’s arms wrapped tightly around me and his head resting next to my stomach. I still can’t believe I’m with child. It’s absolutely terrifying to think about but the excitement outweighs everything else. I softly brush his hair back and he groans pulling me closer to him. 

I continue to brush through his hair until I see his eyes start to blink open. He rises just enough to kiss across my abdomen and then lays back down pulling me close again. I tug his hair pouting that I didn’t receive any morning kisses. 

“I don’t want to face the day yet,” his voice thick with sleep as he burrows into me. 

“I just want a kiss.” I whine looking down at him. 

“I can do that.” he chuckles and slides up the bed to softly kiss my lips as I melt into his touch. 

We allow our lips to lazily dance in the early morning until there’s a soft knock at our doors.

Alys lets herself into our chambers and Ben pulls the blankets over us annoyed. She places our clothes we arrived in, now freshly cleaned and folded, on our couch. 

“I figured you two would want to return as soon as possible. I have everything ready for your departure. Your dragons have been fed and I have a portable litter that one of them will be able to carry with ease.” she hums as she floats around our chambers looking around. 

“Thank you, Alys.” I sit up in bed and watch her. 

She slips out the door and Ben and I begin to untangle. He rises out of the bed and I watch him with low lids as he collects our clothes. He slides his pants on and I sit there and admire him biting my lip.

“Do not look at me like that.” a smile spreads across his face as he walks over to the bed. 

“Why not?” I look up to him through my lashes. 

“Because then I’m going to have to get back into bed.” he pulls the covers off of me. 

“Well you’ve only just put pants on,” my hands go to the laces. “We could be quick.” my voice hushed as I pull the knot loose. 

“Mm, but I want to take my time with you.” his voice low as his hand wraps around my wrist. 

“We can have a late morning,” I pout with pleading eyes hoping for a distraction for what we have to deal with when we leave these chambers. “Must I beg you?” I jut out my lower lip. 

He brings his lips to mine and licks along the seal before slipping his tongue into my mouth. I wrap my hand behind his neck and pull him back on the bed with me. He chuckles settling between my thighs as I sigh contently into his mouth. He rolls his hips into mine as I moan at the feel of his pants on my bare core. 

“Ben,” I whine as he continues his movements. 

“Hm?” he kisses the side of the mouth before he trails his tongue to my neck. He continues to push his covered length into me as I writhe against him. 

“Fuck me. Please, Ben,” I mewl spreading my thighs causing my slip to ride up to my waist. 

“I think you could do better.” he chuckles against my neck as one of his hands trail up my side bringing my slip along with it. 

“Ben,” his fingers graze across my nipple. “I need you,” I say breathlessly as I push my hand down the front of his pants. 

“I’m right here,” he grunts as I tighten my grip. 

“Please,” I arch my body against his. 

“Since you’re asking so nicely,” he mumbles against my neck. 

He kneels above me and slides his pants down. My hands reach out to his hips as he strokes himself looking down at me. He lowers back down to me and swirls his tip around my wetness. He pushes into me as my breath comes out shaky. Each pump pulls a gasp from my lips. 

“Does that feel good?” his breath labored as I squeeze around him. 

“Yes,” I whimper as he brings his lips to mine. 

We get lost in each other as we find our highs. My breathing settles and he pulls me up from the bed causing giggles to fall from my mouth. Ben lifts his pants back up as I begin to slip into my clothes. I sigh as I start to put my armor back on and the reality of the day comes crashing around me. 

We walk out of our chambers silently and make it to the main hall. Alys is waiting for us at the front doors and I internally groan. Ben pulls me over to her and I try to put on a smile on my face. 

“I wanted to extend my help with your pregnancy when you return to Raventree Hall. I’m only a couple days away.” her offer catches me off guard. 

“Thank you, Alys. I shall send word if I need someone with your talents.” I furrow my brows trying to sound cordial. 

She pushes the doors open for us and the sun blinds us. I squint up at the clear blue sky and shake my head thinking that the sky should still be weeping. We walk to our dragons and I see the wooden litter. My heart drops but I continue forward. 

“I’m here,” Ben’s hand holds mind and squeezes it comfortingly. 

Silverwing steps around the litter and bows her head to me. Tears begin to slip down my cheeks as she offers me a low song. I walk up to the wood and place my hand on it as a shiver snakes through me. 

“Can you carry him?” I sniffle looking to her. She slowly closes her eyes as and places her front claws on the edge of the box. “Can I still ride with you as well?” she lowers her wing and I start to climb on. 

I turn to watch Ben mount Vermithor as he starts to make his ascent into the sky. The wood groans below us as Silverwing begins to take flight. The warm air kisses my cheeks as I lean down and hug Silverwing. Her high pitched song calms me as I affectionately pet her scales. 

Kings Landing starts to come into view and our dragons give out a cry to announce our return. The other dragons give out their own responses from the pits but we fly straight for the Red Keep. We circle the Keep as Vermithor lands in the courtyard clearing room for us. Silverwing floats us down to the ground and places the litter as gently on the ground as she’s able. 

As I dismount I see Rhaenyra running to us. I hear her breath catch in her throat as her eyes land on the wooden litter. She falls to her knees on the stone and I go to her side. I kneel next to her and pull Dark Sister from my back. She looks to me with tear filled eyes that threaten to pour over. She looks at his sword and rises as I look up to her. 

“In the name of the Warrior, I charge you to be brave.” she sniffles as she places Dark Sister on one of my shoulders before pressing it to my other. “In the name of the Father, I charge you to be just.” I look up to her with watery eyes. “In the name of the Mother, I charge you to defend the innocent.” she dips down and places Dark Sister in my hands. “Arise, Y/n, wielder of Dark Sister, a knight of the seven kingdoms.” my hand grips the pommel as I rise and look to her. 

“Thank you,” I say softly. She pulls me into a hug and we let our sorrows and tears out. I crack open my eyes and see the rest of my siblings joining us in the courtyard. They all stop and look at the wooden box in disbelief. 

“What of Aemond?” Rhaenyra asks hushed. 

“Left for the fish at the bottom of Gods Eye.” I wipe the tears off of my cheeks as I see the weight begin to lift off of her shoulders. 

“Then we’ve truly won.” a smile starts to form on her lips. “Come, let’s go inside.” Ben is a step behind me as we walk up to the council chambers. “Tell me of Harrenhal.” she looks from me to Ben expectantly. 

We tell her that the castle is still standing and that it can still be given to a Lord or Lady. I try to give her as many details of the scene at Gods Eye as I try to hold back my tears. I tell her of how I found Dark Sister inside of Aemonds skull and she shakes her head looking up as if scolding and thanking Daemon once more. 

“A witch named Alys Rivers lives there,” Rhaenyra raises her eyebrow at me. “She prepared his body and armor and also told us something about our future.” I bite my lip looking to Ben. 

“What pray tell did this witch tell you, my sweet girl?” she looks between us as if she already has an idea. 

“I’m with child.” my eyes search hers as a smile spreads across her face. 

“I could’ve told you that.” she laughs shaking her head. “Both of those dragons are so fiercely protective of you. I’m sure Silverwing is just waiting for you two to settle in one place before she lays a clutch of eggs.” she looks to my flushed cheeks and grabs my hand rubbing it with her thumb. 

“I plan to marry her.” Ben blurts out as a chuckle erupts from me. 

“Well I should hope so.” her smile widens as she looks at both of us. “My coronation before the people is tomorrow. I’ve had clothes brought for the both of you to your old chambers, it’s my hope that you two would stay for at least a turn of the moon before returning to Raventree Hall.” she looks between us. 

“Of course, mother.” I nod my head and we rise to leave. “Let’s go see if I can remember where my chambers are.” I chuckle pulling Ben out of the council chambers. 

⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆☁︎⋆₊ ⊹ ⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆☁︎⋆₊ ⊹ ⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆

Ben and I are being carted to the pits in a covered carriage. His hand rests possessively on my thigh as if someone will steal me from next to him. We watch as my siblings step out into the pits and the masses cheer for them. When we step out the crowd erupts in more applause. 

We all make our way up to the dais and form a line waiting for our mother to come out. She emerges from the pits with Syrax close behind her. Corlys is waiting for her with a soft smile as she makes her way up to us with her chin held high. Once she turns and faces the masses they explode into shouts and cheers. 

“Queen Rhaenyra Targaryen, First of her name, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men, Lady of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm.” Corlys announces as he places the conciliators crown atop her brow. 

Syrax gives out a cry as the people begin to cheer once more. She turns to us with a tearful smile and we break our formation to hug her. Beneath the pits we feel the dragons grumbling for her. We all pull apart smiling and relieved that we’ve finally done it and that the war has finally ended. 

The people begin to leave the pits and once they’re empty our dragons join us under the dome. It always steals my breath to see these great beings so content and at ease. Silverwing and Vermithor walk to me and Ben and circle their tails around me. Rhaenyra raises her eyebrows to me and chuckles. 

“What was that look for mother?” Jace eyes me and then looks back to Rhaenyra. 

“Can I please tell them?” a smile plays on my mothers lips. 

“They’ll find out soon enough.” I sigh as Baela eyes me curiously. 

“I’m preparing their wedding to be held in under a fortnight.” I turn to Ben at her words and he places a soft kiss on my head. 

“Congratulations, sister.” Baela beams at the news and walks over to us. 

“And,” Rhaenyra starts. 

“There’s more?” Jace chuckles shaking his head. 

“I’m with child.” I bring my hand to my lower abdomen and my siblings faces split with smiles. 

“My heart is full for you.” Rhena pulls me into a hug. 

They shower us with love until I have to push them off laughing. We all make our way back to the Keep to prepare for the feast that’s going to be held. Ben and I retire to my chambers to rest before our next appearance. 

“I still can’t believe you’re carrying our child.” Ben’s hand goes to my stomach and looks at me with adoration. 

“I think he will be an absolute hellion.” I chuckle placing my hand over his. 

“You’ve decided it’s a boy?” he raises an eyebrow with a grin plastered on his face. 

“I’m sure of it.” I nod my head and he kneels before me.

“Give your mother an easy couple of moons or she may rip my head off before I can meet you.” he whispers against my stomach making me laugh. 

“I must admit..” I trail off. “I’m more scared of the birthing bed than I am of the battlefield.” I chew my lip pushing his hair back. 

“I will do anything and everything you need of me. I’ll bring you Alys or your mother. I’ll travel to the shadow lands to find you help. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you or our child.” his hands grab mine and squeeze them with his promise. 

“I love you so fiercely it scares me sometimes.” I hum pulling his hands up so he’s standing in front of me. 

“I will live and die by your hand.” he kisses me softly. “I am yours until my heart stops and even long after that.” he presses his lips to mine once more. 

We slowly start to change into our evening wear while stealing kisses from one another. I pull him out of my chambers and walk us down the stairs in search of the feast hall. I hear shouts and laughter and head in that direction. As we turn the corner I see the hall doors thrown open as music pours out. 

We make our way up to the table and my heart swells seeing my family. Ben pulls out my chair for me and takes his place next to me. My mother enters the hall and everyone goes silent and rises from their chairs as she’s announced. She makes a toast and we all begin to eat and share in the merriment. As Ben and I rise to try and slip out after a couple of hours my mother clears her throat and rises. 

“There has been a lot of tragedies that has befell my family as of late, but I’m happy to announce that my daughter, Y/n, has found love with Benjicot. They are to be wed the week after next.” the hall erupts with cheers and applause. 

Ben offers me a soft kiss and grabs my hand in his. We rise from the table and walk out the doors as people offer us congratulations and cheers. Slowly make our way up to my chambers and I sigh as we’re alone once more. 

“What’s wrong, my Princess?” he hums pulling me into a hug. 

“I just wish to be married and go home.” I look up to him with tired eyes. 

“I like hearing you call my home yours.” he hums smoothing my hair back. 

“We should send a raven and tell them to begin building a pit for our dragons.” he nods his head and pulls away. “Not right now, why are you so quick to leave me?” I pout pulling him back to me. 

“Then I shall stay at your side until you order me away.” he chuckles kissing my forehead. 

“I also think you should build me something as a wedding gift.” I look up to him with a smirk. 

“Mm and what might that be?” his hands travel up my back to begin unlacing my gown. 

“A bath bigger than the one we had at Harrenhal.” I hum reaching for his doublet. 

“What makes you think it isn’t already being built?” he smirks down at me loosening the back of my gown. 

“When would you have had time to get that started?” I pull my dress the rest of the way off thankful to be out of the restrictive fabric. 

“Over the weeks we spent at Harrenhal. I sent a letter and they’ve been constructing it in our chambers for some time now.” his hands pull at my slip but I bat his hands away giggling. 

“You didn’t even ask me to marry you until we left Harrenhal.” I raise my eyebrow.

“You were mine from the moment I laid eyes upon you.” he kisses me softly as we fall back onto the bed. “I had hoped a bathtub would convince you if my words couldn’t.” he smiles against my lips. 

⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆☁︎⋆₊ ⊹ ⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆☁︎⋆₊ ⊹ ⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆

The last couple of days have been a blur as I’m in and out of meetings with my mother and her council members. I’ve dreaded today since leaving Harrenhal but I knew it was coming. Today is the day we give my father a funeral befitting a Targaryen King. 

“Where is Jace?” my mothers voice is on edge as we all gather around the main hall. 

“He said he would be right back.” Baela offers wincing. 

“Late to a funeral.” she shakes her head and starts ushering us out to the courtyard. 

“I’m here! I’m here!” Jace heaves as he pushes through the main doors. “I’m sorry mother.” 

“Is the funeral interrupting your previous plans?” she asks with a clipped tone. “I don’t even want to hear it. On your cart with Baela.” she ushers us to our carts and soon we’re jolting down the city streets. 

I look up to try and avoid the tears spilling down my cheeks. Ben rubs my hand soothingly as I lean into him. Tears slip from my eyes and as I go to wipe them away Ben is already there drying my cheeks. I turn into him and he holds me as I bury my face in him not wanting to look at the masses anymore. I can’t stand being put on display like this especially during a time of grief. 

“We’re entering the pits.” his voice is soft as he rubs my back. 

I look up and sure enough we’re under the dome. I uncurl from Ben and steady my breath as we come to a stop. We all make our way to the center where the pyre has been made and is awaiting flame. Rhaenyra is standing close near the pyre trying to hold herself together. 

Low grumbles and chuffs come from the descending ramp. Syrax comes out and curls on the ground near my mother. She walks over to her dragon and hugs her neck tightly. My siblings and I watch her mourn as our hearts soar to her. She turns to us and nods with tear stained cheeks. Syrax rises and we stand back. 

“I never wanted to see this day.” Rhaenyras voice breaks. “We were supposed to burn together for many more decades. I don’t-“ a sob racks through her. “I don’t know what to do without you. My great love taken from me. My King.” her shoulders shake as she silently cries. 

I go to her side and rub her back comfortingly. She turns to me and offers me a soft smile. The rest of my siblings come around us and hug her. We mourn as a family for a couple minutes before my mother steels herself. 

“Dracarys.” her voice breaks and Syrax lights the pyre. 

We stand there in silence as we watch the wood catch and snap. Ben comes to my side and holds me tightly as tears fall down my face. We all stand there until there’s only embers and ashes on the ground 

⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆☁︎⋆₊ ⊹ ⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆☁︎⋆₊ ⊹ ⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆

It has been just over a week since my father’s funeral. Feelings and emotions have settled but everyone is looking forward to Ben and I’s wedding. I’m elated because that means we get to go home and leave this all behind for a while. 

I was somehow able to convince my mother to have a small, intimate ceremony. I don’t wish to be paraded around before the masses anymore. Jace and Baela groan at me as I plant the idea to have a grand ceremony for their union as heirs. I laugh as they roll their eyes at me. 

My mother comes into the room with my sisters and they help me into my gown. It’s simple white fabric that flows long behind me. They place a traditional headpiece on me and I smile as they pin it in place. 

“I wanted to incorporate some of our traditions into your ceremony.” my mother hums looking me over. 

They walk me down the stairs and we turn walking to the throne room. My mother and sisters turn to me and offer me words of love and support before they push the doors open for me. They walk ahead of me and I breathe out as a smile splits across my face. 

As I take my first step into the hall my eyes immediately find Ben. My eyes start to water as I see him looking at me with a lopsided smile. I make my way to him quickly not looking to anyone else. He grabs my hands in his as our eyes stay locked on one another. 

“My beautiful Princess.” he breathes out looking me over. 

We don’t even look to the maester as he talks of our union. I feel as if we’ve been sealed together since I first saw him. The time comes for us to repeat the words and tears slide down my cheeks as my mother has us use the Valyrian vows. 

“We are one flesh, one heart, one soul, now and forever.” our words are whispered to each other and he places his lips on mine softly. 

I get lost in him as I pull him closer to me. I hear my siblings jest and laugh as I wave them off as I deepen my kiss with Ben. He holds me so tightly I feel as if we will become one body. When we separate he looks down to me with blown pupils. 

“My wife.” he kisses me once more as I  smile. 

⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆☁︎⋆₊ ⊹ ⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆☁︎⋆₊ ⊹ ⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆

masterlist 🔌 

i want to say thank you all so much for your support and love it was so unexpected and i appreciate it immensely!! thanks for coming with and sticking with me through my first completed (mini)series 🥹🥰 i’m going to start on the spin off His Wife soon!! 

taglist ✍️ 

@clarityisnofun @callsignwidow @gabriella-aesthetic @llynx7 @violetiss3lfish @ka1afbr @akiko-oo @papichulo120627 @lizzylovebooks280501 @thatgirl101blog @1-fuzzy-squirrels @anaviieiraaa @zanygot7straykidsbonk @hueanhdang

[lilbluebastard]

Clara’s re-design and more about her! Sorry I got carried away :< (also she’s not bald I just didn’t give her a lot of hair so that I could draw her face! I hope everyone likes her 😭 okay I’m done for a bit my fingers and wrist hurt for, drawing

-personality

She’s a snobby up tight rich girl, she’s a whiney crybaby and a absolute bitch at times, but she can be generous and sweet (if your not paparazzi) she’s old school and classy , her anger and sass comes from her mother and her gentle nature she gets from her father, loves attention

-face

Has brown eyes and dirty blonde hair, a large burn on the right side of her face (missing an eye do to infection) a long scar across her nose ending at her left cheek , wears a lot of make up on the left side of her face to hopefully distract other from her injury (injure caused by ex-husband)

-body

Is originally slightly curvy but her tummy is being tucked in underneath a very tight black and red dress corset, wears a tan button up shirt with red bows covering her dress (took heavy inspiration from gooseberry) wears tan stockings that are cut and sliced open by her knife, her thigh is littered in scars from accidentally cutting herself when she uses her knife, walks with a limp do to missing a heel (she’s still looking for it)

-bit of backstory

she was a daddy’s girl but her mother didn’t want her “princess” working on her grandparents icky farm so, her mother Lilith signed her 3 year old daughter up for pageants!…..her Mike (her father) wasnt cool with the idea, he wanted his daughter to make her own choices and do what makes her happy not what makes her mother happy, soon as Clara got older her mother got stricter and stricter watching Clara’s diet calling her 11 year old daughter a pig if she had one sweet treat, by the time Clara turned 13 Clara was extremely sick from her mother starving her, so Mike took her away to hopefully save her at his mothers farm but Lilith called the cops telling the, her daughter had been kidnapped by a strange man on a horse (her family lived on the outskirts of New York her grandparents farm was only a couple of miles away, they owned a horse that Clara named jammy toast when she was 4), Mike wanted his daughter away from that mad woman he called his wife but sadly the cops caught up to them, shoot jammy toast and her father making the horse trip and throw them, Clara only had broken a rib but her father had been shot in the chest and had broken his neck, the horse survived but had to be sent back to her grandparents farm. Clara watched the life drain for her fathers eyes as he gagged on his own blood, Clara had to go to therapy for years but! As soon as she turned 18 she was offered a job at her favorite jazz club to sing and perform and as years and years went on, she turned freshly 23 and was the biggest star in the show! Everyone loved her and she loved them! (Well except for the creepy ones) but then she met her husband Luther and they got married perhaps to fast at the wedding her grandmother gave her a gift….it was a hand made knife made by her father. A beautifully decorated wooden body and the knife was perfect, gorgeous sharpened silver fluffy animal hide on the hand and a thick blue leather handle to help with grip, she loved the knife she took it everywhere showed it to her bouncer Henry but dare she never used it! Oh no no but on night she didn’t have a choice, Luther was pissed him and Clara weren’t intimate anymore, she tired to explain she wasn’t feeling it…she really wasn’t….she had felt off after seeing people mysterious going missing, she felt sad no one cared…why did no one care?, but her mother had passed away not to long ago she felt bad because she didn’t go to her funeral and it was eating at her these past two week, stalling her and Luther’s intimacy. Luther did the unthinkable and smashed a burning hot pan against her face ripped off her skin and blinding her right eye. She in a fit of hurt rage and fear grabbing the knife her father gave her, shoved it in his throat twisted it around and tearing his head clean off…….then things only got worse people were disgusted by her and she ended anything that didn’t love her, Henry despite putting himself at risk stayed with her to protect her, she was like his sister and cared to much to leave her alone. One night at a bar Clara was drinking herself away when a simple man appeared beside her, claiming he noticed her from her performing days, he told her how much he loved her work and her singer. They chatted and chatted and he finally convinced her to join the charity……to help criminals become better people, but the now she works for murkoff.

I wrote a lot I’m so sorry 😭

[thenerdykneazle]

Sallow Soul - The Funeral

Summary: Sebastian is struggling to cope with the loss of his twin. He has many regrets, not the least of which is not getting to say goodbye. Another is sacrificing his relationship with MC because he refused to give up on dark magic. He seeks out some comfort when MC invites him to stay with her and Ominis. Part of a series but this chapter works as a one-shot.

Sebastian Sallow x F!MC

Background Ominis Gaunt x Anne Sallow

Warnings: 18+, sexually explicit content, aged-up characters, angst, hurt/comfort, death, grieving

Word Count: 3218

Read on AO3. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. MC's perspective (Kindred Spirits).

Part 1: The Funeral

Gone. That was the word echoing through his brain. His twin sister was gone. The last he’d seen her, she was radiant, laughing and dancing at her wedding. Now her corpse was buried under the cold, freshly turned earth he knelt upon. He’d watched the casket be lowered and the dirt packed down, but it all still felt impossible.

That was about the only “feeling” Sebastian had, though. He was utterly numb, and not just from the bitter January weather. He’d cried when he got the news of her death. He’d cried as he hugged Ominis. He’d cried reading the letter Anne had left him. He’d cried over her body during the viewing. He’d cried and cried and cried, and now he had no tears left.

He had no purpose left, either. He’d spent the last six months searching for a cure or treatment or anything that would prolong Anne’s life and health. And he’d failed. He’d failed his sister, and her husband – his best friend. He’d ruined his own relationship refusing to limit his options to the “good” branches of magic, and he had nothing to show for it. He couldn’t even look her in the eye, which was difficult to avoid as she was a constant at Ominis’s side. That only served to remind him of how he had failed as a friend, too.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he might’ve thought it was the spirit of Anne herself if not for the warmth of it seeping into him. “I’m going to take Ominis home. We’ll come visit her again in the morning,” MC said softly. She paused, probably waiting for a response from Sebastian. He had none. “Do you know where you’re staying tonight?”

Sebastian shook his head, but he didn’t know whether she was looking at him. He did know he already missed her hand on his shoulder, as she’d only gripped it for a moment to get his attention. “No,” he croaked – between crying and not speaking for hours, his voice was unrecognisable. There was his uncle’s old house, but he hated going there.

“You can stay in Ominis’s guest room,” MC offered.

Sebastian looked up at her curiously, instantly noting her red nose and cheeks from the cold and bloodshot eyes from the grief. He still found her devastatingly beautiful. “I thought you were staying with him,” he said dimly. His voice was still rough but slowly warming up.

She nodded, and her kind gaze felt piercing with the memory of their past. He saw every mistake reflected back at him in those sombre eyes. He wanted to look away. It was uncomfortable to face what he’d done. He forced himself to look, though. “I can spend a night on the settee,” she said simply.

Sebastian felt his indignation swell. He would not let a lady sleep on the sofa while he took her bed. However, he also did not want to be alone, whether in his uncle’s house or elsewhere. He’d just lost half of himself, and the wound of it threatened to take the rest of him with her. “I’ll take the sofa,” he said.

MC opened her mouth to argue, but Sebastian gave her a quelling look. She sighed. “Fine.”

He said goodbye to his sister’s grave before standing and brushing himself off. They walked with Ominis to his home. MC heated some leftover food for dinner that they all picked at meagrely. Ominis excused himself to go to bed shortly after. He’d had an even longer day than Sebastian had. He could only imagine how many hundreds of times people had apologised to him for his loss that day – and he’d had an endless stream of mourners himself. It seemed all of the students and teachers who’d attended Hogwarts during Anne’s tenure had come out. Not to mention the residents of Feldcroft.

Ominis headed upstairs, where there were two bedrooms. He hadn’t been able to sleep in the master since Anne’s passing. Instead, he stayed in the upstairs guest room, while MC slept in the mother-in-law suite they’d put in their basement for her frequent visits.

Sebastian and MC sat in silence as they took occasional sips of liquid from their bowls of stew. Sebastian wanted to say something – many things, in fact – but he had no idea where to start. I can’t believe she’d gone was too trite. I’m sorry didn’t begin to cut it. I miss you felt almost disrespectful. He had no right to miss her. He knew that. Though, it didn’t stop him from doing so, anyway.

“I miss her,” he said, glancing up from his bowl.

MC pursed her lips sadly as her brow furrowed from the tension of withheld emotion. She nodded in agreement, though Sebastian wished she’d speak – or even just look at him.

“I’ve missed Ominis, too. And–” Sebastian cut himself off. No right, he reminded himself.

She looked up from her soup, eyeing him warily.

“I’m sorry,” he said earnestly. “I just…” Regret everything. The words were inadequate. A paltry penance for his sins.

Ominis had begged him to stay away from dark magic. In her final words to him, Anne had said she understood why he felt the need to use “any means necessary” in his search for a cure but that she still wished “things could have been different.” MC had given him a choice: let go of dark magic or let go of her. He couldn’t have both. He’d been so angry with her when she made him choose. He felt she was making him choose between his love for her and the chance to save his sister. It was only now that he considered that maybe the dark arts had never had the power to cure Anne, and MC could see what he had refused to.

“I shouldn’t have left,” he said finally.

Sebastian watched as MC’s expression twisted with conflicting emotions. He knew she had loved him once. They had expressed it to each other plenty of times during their relationship. It felt like a lifetime ago, though, in reality, less than a year had passed since their split. Far less than the amount of time they had spent together. Time Sebastian now felt like he had stolen from her.

He was certain MC must hate him now. The tension in her face and body as she sat across from him seemed to support the idea. He didn’t blame her, though he couldn’t fathom ever not loving her. He was certain she had captured his heart the moment she had knocked him on his arse during their first DADA class together. That version of himself seemed like an innocent, naïve child now after everything that had happened over the last 3+ years. But the current Sebastian Sallow was no less smitten.

Gods, he missed her. He wished he could wrap her up and just hold her in his arms. He wished he could kiss her until the pain faded. He wanted to melt into a puddle at her feet and beg her to take him back because he couldn’t stand being without her anymore.

He would’ve tried it, too – after all, life could be unpredictably short. He was more than willing to sacrifice his pride for a second chance with the woman he loved. But he had only had his revelation when he heard of Anne’s death. What changes had he made? He was still the same man who left six months ago. What was to stop him from being so stupid again? From hurting MC again? He couldn’t risk that.

“I wish you hadn’t,” MC said sadly.

Sebastian chewed his lip. “I’m sorry,” he said. “For leaving. For not listening to you. Just…for everything.”

For a second, he thought she was about to cry as her face crumpled. She regained her composure quickly. “I should get you some blankets and pillows,” she stated suddenly as she stood up.

Sebastian stood, as well. “I’ll help,” he said, knowing it was a bad idea.

MC searched his eyes for a long moment. “Okay,” she replied breathily, and he could have sworn he saw her gaze drop to his lips just before she turned away from him.

He followed her down to the basement where spare linens were kept. And where her bedroom was. He waited outside her door as she walked in.

MC pulled a heavy duvet and fluffy pillow out of her closet and walked back to him. “These should do,” she said a bit awkwardly as she held them out.

Sebastian let his fingers brush over the backs of her hands as he took the plush bedding from her. It made her breath hitch. “Thank you,�� he said softly.

MC used one of her newly empty hands to grip her door, but she didn’t close it even a fraction. She just nodded as she held Sebastian’s gaze. His fell to her lips when her tongue darted out to wet them. She must’ve noticed, because her cheeks coloured red almost instantly.

“Good night, MC,” he said. I love you. It used to be routine. He said it – got to say it – almost every night back when she slept in his bed more than her own. It was still true, but he had lost the privilege to express it.

“Good night, Sebastian,” she replied meekly.

Sebastian found that he couldn’t will his feet to put distance between them. He should go upstairs – or at least say something – but he just lingered, soaking up her presence and pretending he didn’t have to leave it.

Eventually, MC’s brows furrowed in concern. “Did you need something else?” she asked.

It was almost physically painful for Sebastian to see her express worry over him; he didn’t deserve it. “Sorry,” he said earnestly, feeling guilty for having lingered when he shouldn’t’ve come down in the first place. He clutched the bedclothes tighter to himself. “No, I just…Sorry. I’ll go.”

“Wait,” MC implored as he had begun to turn. He looked back to see her chewing her bottom lip anxiously. She took a steadying breath. “Stay.”

Sebastian wished he could say he hesitated – or thought at all about anything even remotely resembling a consequence – but the instant MC stepped back to let him through her door, he dropped her bedding and pounced on her.

He held her face in both hands and pressed his lips to hers as his body pressed her into the wall. She groaned into his mouth almost immediately. Her hands anchored in his hair and pulled his head down toward her. They clawed each other closer, as if the mere idea of any separation was utterly abhorrent.

The contours of her body against his. Her heat sinking into his skin. The wet slide of her tongue. It all felt like home. Like he wasn’t as alone as he had feared that he was now that Anne was gone.

MC pulled him to her bed, both shedding their clothing as they went. She was down to her underwear as she crawled onto the mattress. Sebastian was as well, as he crawled on top of her. He kissed over every bare inch of skin above her waist as his hands roamed freely. He groaned with need as he slid them up under the cups of her bra to feel her breasts before ridding her of the garment altogether.

Sebastian felt an aching longing in his gut that refused to let him turn back. He had missed this. Missed her. Being close to her. Touching her. Kissing her. Gods, it was intoxicating to be with her. He grabbed her right hand, lacing the fingers of his left hand with it as he pinned the appendage down above her head. His right hand palmed her breast, while his tongue explored her mouth.

Sebastian’s hips ground against hers, pinning his aching cock between their bodies.

“Fuck, I love you,” he admitted, making her elicit a low moan in response.

He regretfully, though for a very good reason, released her hand (and her tit) in favour of working her knickers off. He was expedient but gentle in their removal. Once he had MC bared, he nearly ripped his own pants off. He couldn’t wait to have the gorgeous witch pressed against him again. He suppressed the throbbing desire to be inside of her immediately, and he stroked his fingers through her slick folds.

“Seb, I need all of you,” she whined in the middle of him pumping her full of his middle and ring fingers. “Please.”

She was just as desperate for their union, apparently. Sebastian had never been one to deny MC – at least, not when she begged so beautifully like that. Besides, in his current state of need, he had no self-control to make her entreat him further. He needed all of her, too.

She whimpered as he withdrew his fingers, but it was followed by a gasp as he slid his length inside her. Sebastian groaned from deep in his chest at feeling her wrapped around him again. He let their chests stay pressed together, sliding an arm under her back to hold her close. He was probably close to smothering her as he drew back just at his hips before thrusting back inside of her. He nearly lost his composure when MC moaned as he filled her once more.

She clawed into his back and wrapped her legs around him, holding him tight to her front. Gods, he loved when she was so needy for him.

“I missed you,” MC hissed low in his ear.

Sebastian swore as he exhaled. It was almost embarrassing how easily she could have him coming undone. He began moving again – starting with slow, deep plunges into her that quickly grew to rapid snaps of his hips. “I’m gonna fuck you so hard you feel me between your legs for the rest. Of. Your. Life,” he vowed, punctuating his last few words with the rhythm of his thrusts.

“Gods, yes,” she moaned in reply, throwing her head back.

Sebastian devoured her exposed throat, littering her silken skin with bites and bruises. MC’s nails bit into his shoulder blades, but it only spurred him on. He could feel her core clenching around his cock as his pelvis ground against hers on every drive into her. He wondered if she could come like that – just from the force of him fucking her. The thought almost sent him over the edge himself, but he held on.

He focused on the angle of his hips, making sure he hit the spot deep inside her that always had her keening, while pressing against her clit once he was buried deep inside.

“I love you,” MC gasped after a long moan escaped her lips.

Sebastian groaned. The little minx was trying to make him lose it – she was entirely too lucid. He fucked her even faster, set on making her so cock drunk that she forgot her own name.

A string of curses left MC’s lips as her back arched off the bed. She writhed under Sebastian as he pounded into her mercilessly. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Seb, I–”

She cut herself off with an utterly obscene moan as she tensed and twitched under him. Her cunt squeezed him like she was trying to choke the very life out of him. She looked so thoroughly wrecked that Sebastian hit his climax, as well, unable to hold back any longer.

His cock pulsed, releasing his seed as he buried himself inside MC – filling her until it spilled out of her abused cunt. Sebastian kissed her, sliding his tongue into her mouth and owning it like the rest of her.

“I missed you, too,” Sebastian panted once he broke the kiss.

MC chuckled, puffing air out over his cheeks. “I could tell,” she said cheekily, squeezing her core around his cock still buried inside it.

Two could play at that game. Sebastian began thrusting lazily in and out of her. She moaned before tangling her hands in his hair to pull him back into a kiss as she started to meet his thrusts. Fucking insatiable, she was. He would be lying if he said he didn’t find it addicting that she could never get enough of him.

She stilled him by wrapping her legs back around him, holding him buried inside her as she kissed all over his face. He smiled down at the affectionate witch. Eventually, she released him, and Sebastian finally pulled out of her. He rolled off of her and onto his side, pulling her back against his chest. He cupped a possessive hand between her thighs and nuzzled into the crook of her neck, placing soothing kisses on the marks he’d left.

She let out a pleased sigh. “I think you were right,” she said.

“About?” Sebastian asked, propping himself on an elbow to look down at her.

“Feeling you here–” She rocked her hips into his hand. “–forever.”

Sebastian couldn’t help but smirk. “I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he said, stroking his hand over her – just a light, loving graze.

She twisted back to put a hand on his cheek. “I wouldn’t have it with anyone else,” MC replied with a gentle smile as her shining eyes bored into him.

A jolt ran through him. Excitement and fear. Love and pain. He did love her. He wanted to be with her. But could he? Guilt began to seep in as he considered where they could go from there.

MC had already settled back into the bed, her back pressed against his chest. Her breathing was calm and her body relaxed. Sebastian, however, was spiralling.

He had already broken her heart once. They’d been together for years, and he’d left her. He felt like a shell of the person he’d been then. How could he possibly do any better now? He pulled MC closer to himself. He didn’t want to give her up, but he never should’ve let himself back into her life. He knew it was inevitable that he’d hurt her again. He should’ve stayed upstairs – stayed away.

Sebastian knew he had fucked up. There was nothing to be done for it now. He could hurt her a little now or much worse later, but he knew there was only one way things would end: in disaster. He couldn’t love her well enough when he had Anne giving him girl advice and trying to convince him to make better choices – like giving up dark magic. Now he felt so lost and empty, and he would only destroy MC trying to fill the bottomless void inside himself with her. He had to leave – go far away where he couldn’t come crawling back to take more from her.

Sebastian hugged MC tighter still. Her breaths were deep and even. She was asleep. A tear slipped down his cheek as he pressed a kiss to her shoulder. I’m so sorry.

He squeezed his eyes shut, memorising the feel of her in his arms, her scent, and her warmth. Then, he carefully slipped out of bed. Sebastian gathered his clothes, redressed, and left while it was still dark. He only stopped at Anne’s grave to apologise one last time before leaving Feldcroft forever.

Next chapter.

[autisticempathydaemon]

(I’m re-typing this because I forgot some key information and I apologize in advance for any typos or confusion, I’m bad at typing)

Hi, idk if you still answer these but it looked fun to try! I hope you’ve had a good day/night, may your dreams be pleasant and your crops watered for the ✨harvest✨

* What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

I don’t currently have one favorite but “Never Coming Back” from Violet Evergarden, “The Road Not Taken” by Hoyo-Mix, “Smooth Operator” by Sade and “Control” by Loveless are currently the top 4 for the day (honorable mention to “Kapp’n Song” from ACNH) I don’t really have a reason and it’s kinda just what my brain chemistry currently likes

* What is your Enneagram type?

9?? I think, I’m not entirely sure sense I got confused trying to figure it out X~X

* Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

ABSOLUTELY!! I’m not sure if I have a reason? Maybe it’s because I can just sit and listen to something I’m interested in for a long time and just relax and focus on one thing?? I also like to listen to livestreams and other long videos, I tend to watch/listen to “AthenaP”, “EIsSocial” and a Persona 4 analysis from “Hiding in Private”.

* Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.

My brain didn’t cook one up

* What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

Rotating like a rotisserie chicken, Comforter/Blanket on, Hugging a Plushie (usually this Peep I’ve had sense 2018 or my Wolf Build-A-Bear) and one earbud in either playing music, a rp audio (currently redacted) or an analysis video ive heard about 20 times

* If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

I’ve been through a lot of names online due to my indecisive-ness but currently I was thinking KC/Kayce. I have a lot of memories associated with the name and I like how it sounds <3

* What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?

The Smash Tournament with the Shaw Pack, Sam Healing you after the Fight with the Two Vampires (or honestly any Sam Audio), and the Gameboi’s Anthology. I think it’s the comforting/close/intimate (in a way?not sussy intimate tho) nature of the audios

* What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)

I haven’t listened to most of the boys/stories and I tend to cater my listening to what I know I already like with little to no experimentation; so I don’t really have a boy(s) in mind that doesn’t appeal to me as of right now

* Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

either “Yuri! On Ice” or “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic”. I watched both of these shows WAYY to many times to the point it’s concerning!! YOI which reminded me of my love of figure skating (watching and ice skating in general) and then I got into MLPFIM when the Season 2 final (Canterlot Wedding) aired and was obsessed after that for like 6yrs and still have moments of fixation for a couple days.

* Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

Probably Huxley, Lasko and/or Caelum.. and like all of the Shaw Pack (I’m indecisive)

* Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

If I still have energy to talk/think, Pokémon. Tired, Half-Asleep, My Own Funeral or Given the Opportunity, I will become the Yap King for about 3hrs!! Once I get my Communication Skills under wraps it’s over for Everyone! >:D

* Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

I don’t go to the gas station more than like 3 times a year, but probably a carbonated drink.. or lemonade if available. I’m a self-proclaimed slut for lemonade 24/7, 365.

* Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment.

If you mean the Redactedverse, then Sam, Porter (I made my own sense there isn’t an official one as of typing this) and Gamboi’s. But if you Music, then a playlist I made called “more tunes” and it has all my Emotion-Filled, Loud and Auditor-ally Stimulating Songs like “Enter Sandman” by Metallica, “Control” by Loveless and like 1/4 of 6arleyhumans Discography to listen to when I’m Under-stimulated or just Bored

* What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?

Idk if I have a “Guilty Pleasure” but I have a “Angry Pleasure” and that’s Miraculous Ladybug. I waited 8yrs real time for some of the stuff that goes down and in their time it’s been like 9 months. I’m gonna cut myself off before I rant but damn do I have a love-hate relationship with this show

* And whatever else you think tells me about who you are!

I’m an INFP, I’m the Middle Child of 3, I have Psychological Parental Problems, I love the Stars and Anything Outer-Space themed/related, My favorite color is Blue, I’m more of a Listener then a Talker, I tend to think about my Past, I’m probably Mentally Ill (specifically, I think I have Depression, Anxiety, Autism and MAYBE BPD/Borderline Personality Disorder. gotta love multi-wielding these issues), Love the Mystery Genre and specifically I’m always down for a Murder Mystery at a Mansion, People Pleaser™, I like the Rain and Cold Weather, I prefer to binge rather than one at a time otherwise I’m probably never finishing the media in question, I own 2/3 cats (it’s complicated, their names are Lucifer, Hazel and Marbles <3), My favorite food is Ice Cream (yes it’s a food, fight me.) I’m pretty sure I gave up my dream to be a professional figure skater and go to the Olympics but I hope to ice skate more when I get the opportunity, and finally “It’s not the Heat, it’s the Humidity”.

Thank you for your time <3 (platonic heart for existing)

This was a hard one for me because I have an inkling that the boy I’m picking for you, you haven’t listened to. Ollie isn’t the most narratively interesting playlist on the channel, but I do think he’d be the most perfect for you.

First and foremost, Ollie is an openly communicative, affectionate, and supportive partner; these are really good traits when dating a Type Nine who are characterized by a desire for peace and harmony, the people pleasers of the Enneagram. When his Baby signs up for too much work or has family issues, he’s right there helping you however he can, uplifting you. Next, Ollie is definitely also an introvert, and I love that for y’all, that the home you made together is where you go to recharge. It’s a good home and a good life- no Inversion, no covert, just comfort and safety and fun.

Like, Ollie’s no werewolf, vampire, or daemon obvs. He’s just a guy, but he’s a guy who’d love your cats and introduce you to his own. He’d buy you a telescope and put it in his office so you could look at the stars together. He’d watch Yuri on Ice and Miraculous Ladybug for the first time with you because he wants to engage with your interests and is curious about what the person he loves loves. I don’t think he can figure skate for shit, but he goes with you all the time anyway no matter how many times he falls on his butt. What he is good at is games, and he hosts a murder mystery party for your birthday every year.

Song:

Hey, hey, hey, lover (hey-hey)/ You don't have to be a star/ Hey, hey, hey, lover (hey-hey)/ I love you just the way you are/ For love is just the same/ Without fortune or fame/ Just give me/ True love and understanding

This, to me, is the quintessential Ollie song, I think of him whenever I hear it. It’s cute, and the backing tracks are layered in a way I find so satisfying and I hope you find auditorily stimulating. I can imagine this playing through a shared set of earbuds or a little Bluetooth speaker while you hold his hands and help him stay upright on ice skates.

Runner-ups:

Camelopardalis is a really cute runner-up for you, because he’d be such a supportive presence for someone who identifies as a people pleaser. I also like pairing d(a)emons with people who love space, because it’s so cute to imagine them pointing out their constellation to you. Your other runner-up is, of course, Xavier who could make you an ice skating rink whenever he wants and happily would.

Note: I think you modified and submitted your entry a couple of times, so I picked the one that I felt gave me the most information to work with.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[notsoattractivearenti]

Polar Opposites (Christian Pulisic x Reader) - Part 2

WC: 1.4K

Warnings: curse words

A/N: I honestly didn't plan on writing this second part this soon but here it is 🤭 Huge thanks to @ariddletobesolved for her help! 💗 Hope you all enjoy and I'd love to hear your thoughts thru reply/reblog/ask 🫶 If you wanna be added to the taglist let me know 😊 Feedbacks are highly appreciated!

| PART 1 | PART 3 | PART 4 |

---

Planning a party is one of your favorite things to do, but this time you couldn’t even enjoy doing so because you had to plan an engagement party with someone you pretty much despised – it was such a nightmare.  The previous day, Christian agreed to come to your place to discuss the arrangement.

“Black and white. Simple.”

“Black and white? Wha- Are we throwing them a fucking funeral? No. Pick other colors, Christian. Don’t be so basic.”

“Oh, like you have a better suggestion?”

“Umm, as a matter of fact I do. I’m thinking light blue, ivo-“

Christian gagged, “Yuck, soft colors? Too feminine, sounds horrible. Veto.”

“Sure, I forgot how “masculine” you are for a second,” you rolled your eyes, responded to his objection sarcastically, “of course “feminine” colors give you the ick.”

“Hey don’t twist my words! That’s not what I’m saying!” Christian shouted. 

You and Christian spent more than 2 hours just arguing over the theme and color scheme for the party. Claire and Nick put you and Christian in charge of everything – they only informed you about the date and possible guest list – so both of you had to plan the whole thing together. You two shared the same goal: to make this party perfect for the happy couple – but had very different approaches. 

- - -

“Listen... Outdoor dinner is so romantic. You can literally look at the night sky, and the lights, oh... Bet you they would love it!”

“Why outdoor when we can do it indoors? It’s sheltered, we can control the temperature inside, no bugs... Need I say more?” He argued.

- - -

“Carrot cake. Definitely carrot cake.” He suggested.

“Nooooo,” you whined, “you literally have the worst taste in everything. Disgusting!” 

“What do you mean ‘disgusting’? It’s fucking delicious!”

“It is most certainly not. But Red Velvet is, so let’s just go with that.”

“Veto!”

- - -

“I think we should go with plated dinner. It’s a lot more sophisticated. And simple. An-“

“Jesus, Christian!” You interrupted him. “How is that even simple? Have you ever planned a dinner party before???”

“Okay then, please explain how the fuck could a buffet be better than plated dinner???”

“Buffet is the only right choice! What if some of the guests don’t like the food? With a buffet at least they have more options. It’s not even the wedding!” You insisted.

- - -

It was almost impossible for both of you to find a common ground. He thought your idea was too complicated and took a lot longer to plan, while you thought his was too effortless and didn’t feel special at all. You two kept pushing your ideas to each other and were too stubborn to compromise.

“Do you want to plan a party or not? Stop messing around and for fuck’s sake, just decide on something!” At this point, Christian had lost most of his patience.

“I was never messing around in the first place! Ugh,” you grunted, “I’m so close on murdering you, you pigheaded douchebag.”

“Please, Y/N, kill me now,” he replied mockingly, “I’d rather die than have to go through this shit with you.”

“That’s it, I need a fucking break,” you said as you stood up and aggressively grabbed your phone, “I’ll be back in- you know what? Why bother?” 

He rolled his eyes. “Good Lord... Sure, take all the time you need,” he muttered while watching you storm out, “it’s not like we have a deadline or something.”

 You left without saying a word and gave him a middle finger before you angrily slammed the door. You were like a ticking time bomb – one more word from him and you would explode. You needed a moment to cool down after an extremely stressful time. You were aware that this was going to be hard, but not this hard. You have never met someone as infuriating as Christian, he really got on your nerves – and since you and Christian had pivotal roles in your best friends’ wedding, you had no choice but stuck with him.

Usually, when you were this upset, you would call Claire to vent. She’s a really good listener, and you always feel comfortable talking about everything to her. But right now, you couldn’t do it because you didn’t want to stress her out. She picked you as her Person of Honor and you’ve accepted every responsibility that comes with the role – you really couldn’t let her down. She didn’t need to know this struggle of yours just yet. 

After walking around the neighborhood for some time, you finally felt ready to go back on planning the engagement party with Christian. But shortly before, you tried to prepare yourself by closing your eyes, took three deep breaths, then whispered to yourself: Claire, I’m gonna do my best for you.

 “Oh look who’s back!” As soon as you opened the front door, you heard him shout. “You have wasted, uh...” he checked his watch, “20 minutes of planning time. We could literally use those 20 minutes to decide on foods, you know.”

You pressed your lips together and shook your head, trying not to snap at him. 

“My house, my rules,” you responded calmly. “20 minutes is not even that long, anyway. You’ve been here for like, what, probably 5 hours now? And still, no decision has been made.”

“And whose fault is that?”

“Our fault, you dumbass. I mean, you could’ve written down some ideas in those 20 minutes, yet you did nothing.”

He narrowed his eyes, displeased by your answer. “Gah, fine,” he groaned, “let’s get back to business.”

“Oh, and by the way, when you were out doing whatever I got bored and went through your refrigerator,” he added. “Thanks for the ice cream and the berries, they were so good.”

“Wha- Christian!” You slapped his arm, “I just bought them this morning! I expect you to reimburse those!”

After countless arguments and disagreements, you two finally came up with a solid plan. It was such a long, hard day for both of you, but at least you were able to compromise and make big decisions together. After all, this celebration was not about you – it was about Nick and Claire.

---

It was the day of the engagement party. Since 9 AM you and Christian had gone back and forth to check out the venue and make sure everything went as planned. You were nervous about this entire party, especially because you didn’t get to tell Nick and Claire since they asked you to keep the details as a surprise.

The party went great and smoothly, you were glad you didn’t have anything to worry about anymore. Everyone seemed to be having the time of their lives and the couple was very pleased with how this party turned out – from the theme and decorations, the venue, the foods and drinks, and everything else. 

“Hey, Y/N,” as Christian pulled you aside, “looks like we nailed it.”

You smiled while glancing around the room. “Yeah, we really did, didn’t we?”

“Sorry I snapped at you the other day,” he apologized, “I was just really stressed out back then.”

You nodded, “yeah, I’m sorry too. I swear we’re just too different! But at least we worked well together for tonight.”

There was a moment of silence between you and Christian until Nick and Claire came and greeted you both.

“Great job you guys! This is a lot better than I expected!” Claire couldn’t stop gushing over the party.

“Thank you so much, Y/N, Christian. You threw an amazing party together! I can see how great of a team you both are,” Nick said, he was beaming the entire time.

You and Christian silently shared a look at one another, you both were very proud of how well you put this beautiful celebration despite your differences – strong differences. He then gave you a nod and a wink, and you jokingly gagged in response. 

Deep down, you agreed with Nick – you really were a great team. Who would’ve thought you could get along? 

“I mean… Between the two of us, I’m the one with more brain cells, so…”

And… there it is. Yes, that one sentence reminded you how Christian was still irritating - just not as bad as before. At this point, you still didn’t know Christian very well, but you knew that the moment you and him getting along was temporary. Despite that, however your feeling towards him might be, you still had to cooperate with him until the wedding is over.

---

taglist: @pulisicsgirl @neverinadream @masonspulisic @swimmingismywholelife @chelseagirl98 @bracedes @lovelynikol16 @thoseboysinblue @lizzypotter14 @mortirolo @masonsrem @cinderellawithashoe @alwaysclassyeagle

[halstudandruz]

Best of Me ~ Part 5

*Not my gif*

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Requested: Yes

Prompt: Time for celebrations

Part 1 here // Part 2 here // Part 3 here // Part 4 here

Warnings: Swearing, drinking/alcohol, cheating

Sydney and Emily both stared at you, smiles wide on their faces. Jay quickly exited the room after the two found you in a compromising position.

“So, um sorry you break it to you, but I actually already have dibs on the red dress.” You steered clear of the obvious question in the room.

You and your friends had spent almost 24/7 together throughout the next week. Sydney mentioned a couple days after Vanessa’s funeral that Jay and Kevin were stuck working on a case so it wasn’t often that you had to avoid the tension in the room. You were relieved to learn that your kiss wasn’t the reason he had made himself scarce. You had talked to Kyle a few times throughout the week, still pissed, and the constant questioning of when you would be home only increased your annoyance.

It was always the elephant in the room everyone had avoided. None of you wanted to address the inevitable. Soon you would all return home and life would have to go back to normal. No more living in the past. No more pretending like there wasn’t a life you had to go back to. A fiancé, a wedding to plan, an already planned future and you weren’t mentally ready to address the fact that every time you thought about it you had a feeling of dread.

“We should do something tonight.” Emily said through a mouthful of chips.

“We’re doing something now.” You gestured to the Cubs game on the television.

“No, I mean actually like go out.” Emily insisted.

“Why can’t you ever just be content?” You sighed.

“Because if I was content we wouldn’t ever have any fun together.” She stared pointedly at all of you who were perfectly fine watching a baseball game on a Friday night.

“She’s right.” Carson contributed from the side after a few minutes of silence. You all turned to face him, “We should go out tonight.”

“Really?” It was clear Emily was taken back by his agreement.

“As much as we don’t want to believe it, it seems like the world is going to keep turning. Which is a little hard to fathom since she was the focal point of my universe, but regardless of whether we steer clear of the topic or not you guys have to go back to your lives at some point. A week from now Jay and I will be the only ones left here again and who knows the next time we see each other. We haven’t all been together like this since the summer we,” he gestured to himself and Cody, “graduated, and even if it is the worst circumstance possible I don’t think we should take this time for granted. I fucking missed you guys, and there’s no reason we shouldn’t be making memories while we’re able to. She would kick our asses if we weren’t. Plus as long as there’s alcohol I’m good.” The room became silent as you all mulled over his words. Sydney clearing her throat a minute later,

“That’s actually not true.”

“What’s not true?” Carson’s brow furrowed.

“I didn’t want to say anything until the paperwork was finalized, but my company is opening a new branch in Chicago and they offered to transfer me to head it.” She was attempting to hold back a smile but broke whenever everyone erupted in congratulations, “Thanks, I wish it would’ve came sooner but I’m just happy to be coming home.”

“Not to steal your thunder Syd, but Em and I have been talking too. My company is going to be fully remote by the end of the year and,” he turned to Emily encouraging her to finish the thought.

“And I ran into Jay’s brother at the store yesterday. He said Chicago Med is looking for new pediatric nurses and said he’d put in a good word.” She smiled warmly. The excitement in the room was clear.

“Well we’re definitely going out now! How about Coyote’s? Omg [Y/N], this can be like part one of your bachelorette party!” Sydney basically hopped in excitement and you immediately wanted to protest. You had been to Coyote’s exactly one time before and it was full of drunks and loud music.

“Wait, does that mean we’re not invited?” Cody asked in a slight pout.

“We can’t get into trouble without our lead troublemaker.” Emily pulled him in for a kiss.

“We both know that’s you, babe.”

A few hours later you were huddled in Sydney’s bathroom getting ready against your will.

“Oh yay!” She smiled, putting the straightener down to open her phone, “They just wrapped up the case so Kevin is gonna meet us there.”

“What about Jay?” Emily asked putting her mascara back in the tube after inspecting her eyelashes.

“Let me ask.” She typed a response. You knew you were going to be disappointed if it was a no. Was it weird to have your ex at your bachelorette party? Yes, probably but you also wanted everyone there. If these were potentially the last memories you all made together you needed him to be there.

“He’s going to try, but his Sergeant asked him to finish the paperwork for the case so he’s not sure yet.” Your friend read Kevin’s response out loud before another chime came from her phone,

“Oh my fuck.” You watched her eyes widen, redness spreading down her neck.

“What? What’s wrong?” You searched her face anxiously before she turned her screen towards you and Emily. A selfie, Kevin must’ve sent her, displayed. He wore jeans, and a maroon shirt that was covered by a black bulletproof vest, Atwater/Intelligence stitched into one side and a Chicago Police badge on the other. He sported a cocky smirk.

Your mind involuntarily began to wonder if Jay owned a similar one. Suddenly you couldn’t get the image out of your mind, a twinge appearing between your legs at the mental thought.

“I’m so getting railed tonight.” Sydney began to reply, with what you were sure was a dirty text.

“Same!” Emily smiled high-fiving her, but Syd cringed.

“Yeah we can’t do that anymore.” She shivered, after realizing it was her brother that would be doing the railing.

“It’s my bachelorette party and you two are the ones getting it? That seems unfair.” You joked, curling a final piece of your hair.

“You could get it too.”

“My fiancé is not even close to the same state as me.”

“Yeah, yeah we’re not talking about Kyle. Listen, you can deny it and avoid the subject all you want, but we know what was happening in that room before we got there.” They didn’t ask about the bedroom situation a week prior and you didn’t offer it up either.

“Guys-“ You sighed, but Emily held her hands up in defense.

“You don’t have to answer or explain. We’re just saying you could get it.” She shrugged.

Just as you had left it years prior Coyote’s was still filled with intoxicated people dancing to loud, banging music. You had all quickly moved to an open booth. After about an hour Emily and Sydney succeeded in convincing their significant others to accompany them on the dance floor. You however stayed seated talking to Carson. Eyes flicking to the door every so often.

“Hey, let’s talk.” Carson said in almost a whisper.

“Isn’t that what we’ve been doing for the last two hours?” You teased.

“Jay, told me about what happened.” He ignored your quip.

“Car, I’m sorry.” You immediately felt guilty.

“Why?” He looked at you confused.

“We had just gotten back from the funeral and everyone is grieving and it probably just looks like Jay and I didn’t even care and-“ His laugh cut you off.

“Stop being ridiculous. First of all, there is no correct way to grieve. I’ve learned this last week we’re,” he gestured to and your friends on the dance floor, “going to be judged no matter what. If people knew we were here tonight we’d be judged for trying to continue to life our lives. If we stayed at home we’d be judged for moping and taking too long to heal. It’s inevitable. Secondly,” he sighed, “I know I’ve never met Kyle, but what I do know is you and Ness knew each other inside out and if she didn’t think-“ You cut him off already knowing where this was heading.

“I know they don’t love Kyle, but I feel like they’re not giving him a fair shake. Everyone has this idea in their head that I shouldn’t be with anybody else except-“ and as if on cue Jay’s voice beside you interrupts.

“Those cups are looking a little empty.” He gestured to the glasses on the table. You didn’t miss the moment he realized what you were wearing, eyes hungrily trailing down your body where Vanessa’s red dress clung, and neither did Carson. Clearing his throat he tried to hold the smirk back,

“I need to piss. Be right back.” He slipped out of the booth leaving you alone with Jay for the first time since the kiss.

“Thanks for making it.” You smiled at him, genuinely attempting to water down the tension.

“Wouldn’t have missed it. You good?” Jay bumped his shoulder against yours, noticing your forlorn expression. He could always read you like a book.

“Yeah, sorry. Just a lot went down today.” You shook your head.

“Care to fill me in?”

“They’re doing it.” You were happy you truly were, but your heart still tinged with sadness.

“Who’s doing what?” His eyebrow raised in confusion.

“They’re all coming back. They’re making it happen.” You explained, but it was clear by his expression he was still confused.

“You know what? Let me get us drinks first.” He offered sliding out of the booth, taking long strides towards the bar.

You had had a mix of emotions running through you since your conversation at Carson’s earlier in the day. You were thrilled for your friends. All of your once awaited hopes and dreams of coming back home, having weekly barbecues and pizza nights, and raising your kids together were happening, but you weren’t in the equation. You couldn’t be in the equation. Because you did have a life to go back to. One that you couldn’t just up and move. Your ring suddenly felt even heavier on your hand than it did the week prior. The night Jay implied it inhibited you of all opinions and you wanted it off, but a warm body sliding next to you brought you out of your thoughts.

“Bride to be, huh?” A young blonde kid who looked like he still lived in a frat spoke, gesturing to the sash Emily and Sydney insisted you wear.

“Looks like it.” You nodded nervously playing with the sash that hung around your torso.

“You know the best thing about bachelorette parties?” He slid closer to you, and your eyes went to Jay’s back hoping he could somehow feel your desperation to forego the drink and save you from the increasingly uncomfortable interaction.

“Enlighten me.” You answered unamusingly, attempting to put more space between you and the kid. As if you were connected telepathically Jay turned to meet your eyes. Squinting at the body beside you before a smile spread over his face moving slowly back towards you empty handed.

“The theme is always last night of freedom.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“Tommy man, good to see you.” Jay clapped the blond’s shoulder causing him to jump.

“Dude come on you have the worst timing ever.” He huffed after looking up to see Jay standing above him.

“Awe, you know that’s not true. You love seeing me.” There was an obvious teasing tone in Jay’s voice.

“As much as a mouse loves to see a cat.” Tommy rolled his eyes.

“You don’t mean that.” Jay acted hurt.

“What do you want?” You could see the nervous expression in Tommy’s features.

“My fiancée deserves a dance.” Jay held his hand out to you, but you looked at it skeptically.

“Fiancée? Dude, nice!” Tommy held up a hand after letting his eyes roam down the length of you, Jay let out a loud laugh high-fiving him. Wanting nothing more than to be out of the kid’s presence you grabbed ahold of Jay’s still outstretched hand letting him lead you out onto the dance floor after he warned the young kid to stay out of trouble.

“You know we don’t actually have to dance. He’s bothering some other girl now.” You watched frat boy, Tommy, try to flirt with a younger brunette girl who seemed to be falling for it. Jay pulled you closer towards him, hands falling to your hips in an attempt to loosen you up.

“You think I’m going to let you go through your entire bachelorette party without dancing?”

“They put you up to this didn’t they?” You nodded to where your friends were dancing with Kevin and Cody, clearly much drunker than you.

“No, I have my own selfish reasons for bringing you out here.” With every minute your body temperature steadily increased. Your hands were resting against his biceps, unable to believe how solid he felt pressed against you now. Your mind couldn’t help but wander, thinking about how easy it would be for him to manhandle you. How easy it would be for him to throw you against a wall and do whatever he wanted to you. Thinking back to Kevin’s picture earlier and how you would gladly break the law if it meant Jay would arrest you wearing one of those vests. In an attempt to shut your mind up you changed the subject, “So, how do you know Tommy?”

“Met him while working on a case last year. He’s a good kid, he just got mixed in with some bad people.” Jay shrugged.

“You run into a lot of those?” You asked, but regretted it when Jay’s face fell.

“Unfortunately, it’s easy for kids to be manipulated, and there’s a lot of people in this world, a lot of people in Chicago, who are only concerned about their best interest. They don’t care who’s lives they mess up in the process.” He sighed.

“Good kid or not I appreciate you saving me from his roaming eyes.” You laughed, but Jay had an intensity in his gaze.

“Believe me when I say I liked his roaming eyes less than you did.” His jaw set with a look you had seen a million times in your years together, obvious jealously.

“You sayin I don’t deserve to be looked at?” A shiver ran down your spine when his own eyes traveled down the length of your body.

“Only by the right people.” His voice was gruff, breath tickling your ear. You were pressed up against him now, the other people dancing around you leaving you little room. Loud music urging you to lean closer in order to hear his words.

“How’d you get so good at this? You used to have zero rhythm.” Remembering how stiff and off rhythm he moved at prom. However, tonight his hips were quickly moving to the beat of the song, gripping your waist to ensure you kept in time with him.

“I’ve been in a lot of clubs while undercover. You learn to adapt.” Your body was on fire, swallowing a moan when he discreetly pressed his thigh harder between your legs, a clear hardness in his jeans now pressing against your hip. “I knew you’d look good in this.” He smirked, appreciating the red dress, recognizing it from earlier in the week, hands moving down your torso to the outside of your thighs, fingers digging in.

“Jay.” You warned, but it came out as a whimper instead, hips involuntarily pressing down hard against his thigh, you had zero doubt that if he had slipped a hand between your legs right now he would find a puddle. You were a stubborn person, calm and laidback, strong in many ways, but if there was anything you had discovered in your younger days it was that you had one weakness, and as you stood in the middle of the dance floor, unashamedly grinding against him, the glitter from your Bride to be sash covering the front of his shirt you learned that you would never be able to overcome the weakness that is Jay Halstead. He was your Achilles heel, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

“[Y/N].” A needy groan escaped his lips. If you weren’t already positive he was enjoying this before you had no qualms now, bulge evident against the denim. A knot was embarrassingly beginning to form in the pit of your stomach when a tap against your shoulder startled you into reality. Taking a step back from Jay, Carson looked between you two intently. You couldn’t decipher the look between accusing or approving. Maybe a little bit of both.

“The bartender cut off Thing 1 and Thing 2,” he gestured to where Emily and Sydney stood loudly laughing, “and everyone is hungry. Wanna wrap this night up the old fashion way?”

You and your friends had a lot of traditions over the years. Labor Day barbques at Emily’s camp, birthday celebrations, secret Santa at Christmas, but none were more prominent than your drunken pizza parties. Every single drunken escapade ended with everyone in Vanessa’s basement eating pizza and watching Forrest Gump. Why Forrrest Gump? You had no idea. Nobody could remember why that became the go to move, but it didn’t matter. It wasn’t very often that the movie played the whole way through. More times than not people ended up passed out throughout various places in the basement, having just puked up the pizza they ate, but you were together and that’s the only thing that mattered to each of you.

“Yeah, sure we can go back to my place. Everyone good with rides?” As they discussed DDs you slipped your way over to Kevin and Sydney.

“Hey, let’s roll. We’re going back to Jay’s.” You urged, refusing to get stuck in a vehicle with Jay at the moment, knowing Kevin hadn’t had more than one drink.

“Do you live in a fucking igloo?” You complained to Jay who was seated between you and Carson on the couch an hour later. Further pulling the blanket you had stolen from the back up to your chest. Sydney had changed into an outfit Kevin provided from the trunk of his car and Emily had stopped at her house to change after picking up the pizza. So, you were the only one still dressed in a skimpy dress, sufficiently freezing to death as Jay apparently kept his home at below zero temperatures. You hadn’t realized how tightly you were pressed up against him, seeking out any heat his body had to offer, until you felt his chuckle against your cheek. Pushing up off the couch to go down a hallway.

Seconds later Jay returned with a sweatshirt in his grip, handing it to you.

“Thank you.” You smiled, moving to the bathroom to rid your body of the tight dress pulling the warm hoodie on, basking in the overwhelming scent of Jay. The hem of the sweatshirt ended mid thigh, courtesy of your height difference.

“I think Stephanie still has a grudge.” You heard Carson chuckle as you made your way back to the corner of the couch beside Jay, throwing the blanket back over you and picking your plate up from the coffee table. Wordlessly Jay took a piece of crust off his own plate laying it on yours. Unable to contain the smile and warmth of the familiarity happening around you, you sunk further into the couch picking the scrap up to eat it, enjoying the chaos and jokes quietly. The lights were off and the movie was playing in the background, but conversations and memories were being exchanged. It was without a doubt the only way you would’ve ever wanted your bachelorette party to end. Which was probably a sign in itself.

All Taglist:

@corebore123 @scarletsoldierrr @hehurst23 @beautiful-bunny89 @ingie @halsteadsway @malrunaway @grettiwrites @inlovewith3 @wanniiieeee @que-serasara @dedlund82

Jay Taglist:

@jayxhalsteadx @life-treatments @weepingfestivalmentality @toomuchtv95 @queen-of-arda @sofferderynnp @mrspeacem1nusone @chicago-pd-13 @maddi-bug @nevaehstreater18 @enchantedblackrose @slytherinambitious

Best of Me Taglist:

@iamasimpingh0e @keabbs @scenesofobx

@jlynmulti @notanordinaryprincess95 @mars469

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls: Season 2, Episode 17, "Dead Uncles and Vegetables", Part 3

Part 1 Part 2 All Episodes

Please, sir, there is nothing I wish to see more than Miss Patty drunk with power.

How big was it again, Babette?

Nothing brings me greater pleasure than when Luke and Jess exchange silent glances like “Can you believe this corny shit?” The meeting is being held to discuss the feud between Taylor and the Hippie with the farmers market. This seems like a personal dispute that could have been an email.

At the meeting Taylor Karens harder than he's ever Karen'd before.

Why don't you mind your god damn beeswax, Rory-No-Job-Gilmore. This is getting old and frankly kinda weird. I’m really raring for one of those delicious scenes where Jess or Dean takes her down a peg.

After the meeting adjourns, The Convention of the Male Karens + a wildly out of place Kirk meet outside in order to remind Luke what a piece of shit his uncle was and that they’re not going to his funeral. Taylor sure sounds confident that the people of Stars Hollow won’t also spit on his grave and sing a happy song when he croaks. Frankly I don't even think there will be a grave. I've always envisioned Taylor being stuffed into a sack and tossed over his beloved bridge to become swan food along with Shane, who Jess slaughtered after the Dance Marathon.

There isn’t enough rock throwing in this show. In my gritty unrated Gilmore Girls reboot titled The Hollow, more people will throw rocks at Taylor Doose.

I paused just so I could enjoy a few moments of anticipation before she reveals what the exciting Early 2000's internet application is.

Golly! I miss this early 2000's optimism about a Future with Internet.

It's streaming in right now, but sorry Lorelai, she can't send you any pictures of Prague. Corporate tech overlords have deecreed that picture taking is forbidden and must be blocked with a blacked out screen of death. No Prague for you.

Omg.

Out of Context Gilmore Girls.

Sookie: Your mom is getting me 50% off of everything. Lorelai: Yes, but 50% off of loads of money is still loads of money. You don't have that much to spend. Pretty rich coming from “Miss orders take out and diner food 3 times a day."

But when is it ever the WRONG time for you to meddle in people's business? It's a 24/7/365 job for you. And your daughter is quickly on her way to being crowned the next Little Miss Meddler. Sookie understandably has some questions about why Jackson would go to Lorelai Gilmore for wedding planning concerns. Sookie also realizes she can't afford the grandiose wedding that Emily got her into and tries to run damage control. Lorelai tells Sookie that her mother brainwashed her. That's rich coming from Miss "Brainwashed By Dean Forrester".

DIS BITCH IS LEAVING WORK AGAIN! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!

She’s leaving work to help Diner Guy look at coffins!!! Get HR on the phone!

That's what he said.

Scott Patterson without a hat is...mildly off putting.

Is this what you wanted Rory? Are you happy now? Baby is miserable! But you got your damn coffee servant, now start tipping him! I made a video clip of this delightful interaction so please check it out. Milo's "No's" are so acidic they could strip paint off the wall. He needs to win in an Emmy for his No's. They are so good. You can watch my Jess Says No compliation here.

Jess Mariano: Toils in the coffee mines every day and night before and after school for sub minimum wage and eventually, on top of working a second job, minds his business, dutifully pours your coffee, no chit chat, all business. No one tips him. Lorelai Gilmore: Does a mediocre job taking orders for 1 hour and gets a 4 star Yelp review because she's Quirky. Lorelai to me, TWWGG: What's a Yelp? Me: Nevermind.

Rory, I mean this in the kindest, gentlest way possible, because I know you are a sensitive soul... Fuck all the way off. Fuck you and also your boyfriend and your mother (okay, she's not that bad in this episode). The "Get back to work" routine wasn't cute the first time when he was trying to enjoy a few precious moments to himself before school, but now he's literally working. He's like a foot away from you. Let the boy go upstairs and jerk off, sheesh. What a weird z-plot.

Rory works a job for two days and becomes drunk with power.

I really hope that when Lorelai goes back to work, Michel has some choice French curse words for her after leaving him in a lurch to cover her shift 3 times in a week for Diner Guy.

Hey look Rory, a job opening! You gonna apply or what?

This was really sweet.

So many things are throwing off the balance of the Gilly Girls Universe lately. Rory gets a job and becomes a control freak. Rory pays for her food. Lorelai dispenses reasonable advice. Lorelai's meddling is at a minimum. Lorelai is uncharacteristically pleasant. Dean is nowhere to be found (is that why Lorelai is so tolerable?) Scott Patterson without a hat.

[intubatedangel]

Code Red - Conclusion

I got a bit carried away with this one. It’s a long chapter, and I did consider splitting it into two, but honeslty felt it wouldn’t work as well in two pieces, it all fits together as a single unit. I really hope it is worth the read, but can’t say much else without spoilers.

I’ll be taking a break from the series after this, I’ve got some non-resus stories I want to try and write while I’m still in the groove, and I need to emotionally recover from such a heavy story.

Story Index  

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8

* * * 

The sky was shrouded with a layer of grey cloud and rain pattered down, drumming lightly on the old slates. It wasn't too hard a shower, spring was more a time of drizzle and persistent light rain, rather than howling storms. Carl watched large drops splash on the ground beneath a crack in the aging cast iron gutter as he sat on the old wooden bench underneath the lean-to porch, situated next to a side door of the small, old church. Anna had often told him that she wasn't religious, but in this part of the world that didn't particularly mean much. In small villages with no other amenities beyond perhaps a pub or inn, the church was simply the place where community events took place. Festivals. Jubilee celebrations.

Weddings.

Funerals.  

Carl shivered as the memory intruded upon him again. He still hadn't been able to shake free of the images, despite counselling. Anna, laid out on the trauma bed, lifeless. Her utterly unmoving heart held between his hands. The sound too. A screaming monitor just behind him. Sarah's sobs as the young nurse cracked.

A hand on his shoulder broke him free of the grim reverie with a jump. Carl looked up to see Roger stood beside him. The nurse gazed down at him with a look in his eyes. Not quite pity, more of understanding with a sad element of helplessness. Which was more than true. They'd talked about it at length on more than one occasion since that day. Roger's presence in Trauma 3 wouldn't have changed anything, and every idea the two of them had come up with to combat the recurrent memories had been a bust. The only thing left to try was deeper, more intensive therapy.

He just had to get through today. Maybe doing that would help all by itself. Carl gave Roger a nod and pushed himself to his feet, throwing off the past and coming fully back to the present. They both stepped up to lean against different thick oak pillars, gazing out through the haze of the rain at the church's graveyard. Anna's adopted family had been a fixture of the village for untold years. There were generations of Swifts buried here.

Roger blew out a breath. "Do you know what you're going to say?" He asked.

Carl nodded, slipping a hand into the inside pocket of his black suit, pulling out a folded piece of paper. "I don't know if I'll be able to though."

"You will." The nurse said, making it seem like a simple statement of fact. A moment later he stood straighter, looking out at the road leading down to the church. Carl followed Roger's gaze, quickly locking on the long black car as it passed behind the trees. Roger turned to him, his hand landing on Carl's shoulder again. "Here she comes. We should get inside."

* * *

THE DAY OF THE ATTACK

Stelling had relented to Carl's request for 5 more minutes with a small nod, easing back from the bed to leave him to it. He turned to look at Mark, or more particularly the rapid infuser.

"Go ahead with another full round of blood products."

"This'll be all we have." The nurse warned.

"Jones will be here." Carl told him. Not that it would matter if they didn't get Anna back by the time the red bags were empty.

Through the conversation Carl's hands had continued to squeeze Anna's heart, palms and fingers pumping the otherwise inactive muscle. He feel the blood in the chambers, a glance at the monitor telling him that Anna's blood pressure, above the aortic clamp at least, was almost at a normal level. They, He, just needed that heart in his grasp to beat on its own.

He glanced at the clock. 2 of those 5 minutes had slid by already. It was so hard to tell time when everyone was so quiet. And when there was so little else to do. It also meant it had been 4 since the last round of adrenaline.

"Get me another round of epi." He said to Trish. "Inject it directly into her heart."

It was a desperate measure. It was a more desperate time. This was already one round beyond the usual maximum. She'd probably bled a few rounds out before they stopped the worst bleeding. As a justification for breaking protocol, it wasn't the best. However, the protocol was based on evidence. Any epi beyond the maximum showed no clear difference to outcomes. But if, technically, that maximum amount hadn't truly made it into her system, maybe giving her one more would make a difference.

Carl kept up the compressions while Trish filled the syringe, and stepped up beside him. "Right in there." He indicated with his finger, while still compressing. He was pointing just below where the coronary arteries branched from the aorta, and did his best to keep Trish’s target still as he made sure blood still flowed. The sheer size of the aorta would mean some, maybe even most of the drug would be sent elsewhere, but it also meant the whole heart itself would receive a decent dose at the same time.

Carl desperately hoped it would be enough.

He watched Trish guide the point of the needle towards the indicated point. Her hands were tightly controlled, not even a single tremor. The needle pierced the aorta just above the ventricle, sliding in just a tiny distance. Trish held the barrel with one hand, keeping the tip of the needle where it needed to be, and eased the plunger in with the other. Carl's massage pushed the drug into her system, and her heart.

Trish extracted the needle, stepping clear of Anna's chest, limiting any potential to accidently introduce an infection, in the increasingly vain hope that Anna would survive long enough for that to be a concern. Carl had hoped for an immediate response to the adrenaline, but Anna's heart didn't react.

Come on baby. Come on. Come back to me. Come back to me baby.

He repeated variations on that refrain in his head as he stared at her face.

He never even noticed the moment he started saying it out loud.

"Carl....Carl!"

Everything looked hazy, until he blinked away his tears. As his vision cleared he became aware of everything.

Sarah was sobbing. She'd detached the ambubag and dropped it next to Anna's head. The monitor behind him continued to scream, Anna was still asystolic. Her heart refused to even twitch. It laid there in his hands, lifeless, just like the rest of her body.

The surgeons had stopped working. He raised his head, to see Jones stood inside the trauma room, a large bag slung over one arm. His other was wrapped around Lucy as she buried her face in his shoulder. Trish laid her hand on Carl's elbow. He couldn't look at her.

Instead, his gaze drifted towards Stelling. He didn't expect it, but she looked broken. Her eyes glistened with her own tears. "Carl, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She took a shuddering breath. "It's been 35 minutes. I...I have to call it." She looked at the clock, one hand gripping part of the sheets in a knot. "Time..." Her voice cracked. "Time of death, 04:17"

* * *

Anna was able to feel Carl's compressions. But not much else. Her abdomen no longer existed to her senses. She did not feel her lungs inflating. The pulses from those compressions had slipped beyond her. She only felt the physical squeezing of her heart by his hands. And even that was fading away from her.

Please don't stop.

Her mental voice had barely the strength of a whisper.

Don't let me go.

She felt so insignificant. She tried to cling to that feeling of her heart being massaged, but it too was beginning to fade. Even though she was in a lightless void, a greater darkness seemed to be drawing in around her.

The squeezing of her heart stopped. Not like her sense of it faded away. It simply stopped.

They had stopped.

No...

She whimpered as that final darkness started to rush in at her.

* * *

Carl's world was ending. Tears tracked down his face, soaking into his mask. He looked at her blank face, her empty eyes.

She can't be gone.

But she was. Her heart, cradled in his hands, lay totally still.

He heard others crying around him, in a far off, disconnected way. He couldn't move, his body frozen.

She's gone. Anna's gone.

* * *

I'm so sorry Carl

The rushing darkness was close to snuffing her out completely. Close to erasing everything she was. Her memories of the past. Her feelings in the present. Her hopes for the future.

No.

All those dreams of times with Carl. Of love. Family. Life.

Not like this.

She wasn't pleading.

She was pissed.

I won't leave him! You hear me! I will NOT go!

Anger had never really come easily to her. It had always seemed like a waste of energy.

Now, she raged, pulling on every memory, every emotion. Every dream.

You think I'm just going to let you take all of that from me?!

She roared at the eternal darkness.

FUCK YOU!

She drew all her rage into a single point and cast it out like a supernova, a brilliant flash in the darkness.

* * *

Anna's heart twitched in his hands. For a long moment he thought he had imagined it. Then it quivered, wriggled, and began to squirm. Carl's head snapped around to the monitor, that persistent whine had gone, replaced by the two tone alarm, and a coarse v-fib was juddering along the screen.

"Charge to 50!" He called out, spinning around to grab the wand like paddles.

"Carl..." He heard Stelling saying something, but he blocked her out. Thankfully Trish had set and charged the defib.

Carl turned to back to Anna, plunging the paddles into her open chest, placing them around her shivering heart.

"Clear!" He shouted, even though no one was touching her. They'd all stood back after giving up.

He pressed the buttons.

Anna's heart spasmed once as the shock jolted through, the muscles throughout her chest giving a tiny jerk. Time almost stopped. Anna's heart fell still. For an agonising, endless moment, it stayed still.

Then it moved.

A co-ordinated contraction, first the atria, then the ventricles.

The monitor bleeped, once, twice, three times. It continued bleeping.

And Anna's heart continued beating.

* * *

She's alive.

Carl finally breathed again, his brain buzzing as thoughts ran into one another. But that was the most important one.

Anna's alive!

"Get the vest! We need to cool her down!" He shouted. Her body was alive, he needed to keep her brain that way too. He looked beside him to Edwards, wordlessly asking for an update.

"Renal artery is grafted, it'll hold for long enough." She said. "We can pack the rest and give her a few hours at least." She said, with a relieved sigh.

"Keep that infuser going, just like you have been." Carl told Mark. It wasn't much of an apology for his earlier forcefulness, but the nurse nodded, his expression offering forgiveness.

"Carl." It was Stelling again. "You need to leave her to us."

"Not yet."

"Now." She didn't shout, but her voice held the same unyielding command he often used. Unsurprising really. He'd learned it from her. "I can forgive your actions so far. But it's time to step aside." She held his gaze for a moment, then looked down at Anna. "We'll do everything we can. I promise."

A small part of his mind snarled at that. She had literally declared the love of his life dead. But he knew the senior doctor well. Where there was real hope, she would fight for her patients. Anna had that hope now.

Finally, Carl stepped back from the bed. His knee's trembled, and he had to place a hand on the crash cart to steady himself for a moment. The last hour had been a chaotic, terrifying, adrenaline rush. With Anna back, and nothing left for him to do, it finally started to hit him. He pulled off the glasses, mask, and gloves, letting them drop to the floor as the nurses followed their orders. He only had eyes for Anna.

Before the bed got too busy he slipped around to the top of the bed, next to Sarah. The nurse was still taking shaky breaths, but she had reattached the ambu-bag. She eased to one side for him, letting him close enough to lean down over Anna's head.

"I love you Anna Swift." He breathed, as he laid a quick gentle kiss on her forehead. "I love you."

He stood straighter, moving out of the way as the nurses arranged the cooling vest. The surgeons were working both sites, packing sterile gauze into her chest and abdomen and preparing to cover the sites temporarily before they took her to the operating theatre. They left the aortic clamp in place for now. He watched on as the whole team worked together to gently lift her up enough to slide the vest underneath her, extracting her shredded clothing at the same time.

He could feel himself trembling, the shock ramping up as he found himself unable to take his eyes off the blood soaked bundle that had been dumped on the floor. He jumped when Stelling put her hand on his arm. "Carl." She said quietly, the stony voice of his boss replaced by the compassion of a friend. "Go and get cleaned up. We'll let you know if anything changes." He struggled to nod, but the comforting squeeze Stelling gave his arm helped.

His legs felt like lead, and there was a constant ringing in his ears. He had to keep glancing at the monitor to confirm it wasn't an alarm as he backed out of the trauma room. Though the windows he watched as they got the vest wrapped around Anna's body and switched the ambu bag for a ventilator. It was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do, but he finally dragged himself down the hall enough to take her from his view.

* * *

He shuffled down the corridor, pushing through the doors and heading for the staff room. He ignored all of the stares at his bloody clothes. All the questions from nurses and doctors. The words themselves didn't penetrate, but it was clear they knew now that it was Anna in trauma 3. His lack of response probably didn't help them, but he simply couldn't.

He finally made it to the staff room. He trudged to his locker, fingers refusing to cooperate as he manipulated the lock. Eventually he pulled it open. A change of clothes hung there, but he ignored them. Instead, his hands went to his jacket, finding a small box inside one of the pockets. His hand clamped around it, pulling it out.

It was all too much. He staggered back until he managed to brace his hand on one of the sofas, then he sank down until he sat on the floor. His mind was spinning beyond his, beyond anyone’s control. He'd come so close to losing her. He still might.

 He wept.

 He didn't know how many people came through. They said things to him. Gave comforting squeezes on his shoulders. An occasional one sided hug. Some sat by him for a time. It all just passed him by. He simply stared at the bank of lockers. At one in particular. Anna's. Daylight started shining through the lone window, casting a wedge of light across the lockers. To his perception it seemed to jump across lockers in small movements as the sun rose. The rest of the time all he saw was Anna laying on the landing covered in blood. Anna mouthing three words to him. Anna staring past him. Anna with a tube shoved down her throat. Anna receiving deep compressions. Anna with her chest open and her heart in his hands.

Finally, someone managed to break through to him. They had been sat beside him for a while. And he'd been vaguely aware of a conversation between the one next to him and someone else. He just wanted them to go away. To leave him alone. But they wouldn't. The person moved to kneel in front of him.  

"Carl. Come on mate." He said, shaking Carl's shoulder, first gently then more aggressively. "Don't make me slap you."

Carl blinked, his eyes finally moving to look at Roger.

The nurse let out a breath. "Good. Listen. She's out of surgery. She's still with us. You hear me? She's still with us."

Carl tried to reply, but his mouth was dryer than the Sahara. He opted for a nod.

"That's it. They're gettin' her situated in the ICU, but you're going to have to change before they let you in, yeah?"

Carl glanced down at himself. The blood, Anna’s blood, on his clothing had dried, turning to a coppery colour. He gave another nod. Roger stood, and held out a hand, helping to haul Carl to his feet. Pain shot through his back and legs. The physical sensations helped to pull Carl back together more than the words. He must have winced or groaned.

"Yeah, 6 hours sat on the floor will do that to you." The nurse said, trying for a bit of levity.

It had been that long? Roger kept him steady as Carl found his feet. He finally parted his hands. The small box had left deep indentations in his palms, but he kept it from view. He started towards his still open locker.

"I'll get those. You get into the shower."

Carl's knees protested, but he took a step. He clapped a hand on Roger's shoulder and gave him a nod. He tried to say something but couldn't find the words. He just nodded again.

The nurse reached up and mirrored Carl's gesture. "It's ok mate. I know."

Carl slowly made his way to the shower, not letting the small box out of his grasp, as awkward as it made the process.

* * *

Carl sat beside the ICU bed. Machines whirred and whooshed and chirped around him. But he could only look at the figure on the bed. Anna looked a mess. But an alive mess. The ET tube was still held in her mouth by the tube holder, and she was wrapped up in the cooling vest. He could just see the bandages through the translucent material, taped over her chest and abdomen. But her skin had colour to it, her lips were pink.

The neurologist had been to examine her, but the findings were inconclusive. There was some damage. She'd been in cardiac arrest for more than half an hour. Nobody was getting through that unscathed. But at this point they had no way to tell just what had been affected, or how bad it was. The EEG monitor was encouraging though. A halo of electrodes ringed her hairline, the wires running to the screen that showed good steady spikes. Neurology wasn't his department, he couldn't interpret them to any significant degree, but he knew one thing. Spiky brain waves meant she wasn't brain dead.

A nurse was fluttering around the machines, checking readings, adjusting levels. Carl said nothing while she was there. He simply held Anna's hand. It chilled his fingers a little, with the vest covering her completely, but he could withstand that. Eventually the nurse wrote one last thing on the chart, and with a small smile, she slipped out of the room. Carl watched her go. Then his hand slipped into his pocket.

"I'm sorry." He said to Anna, almost pretending she wasn't unconscious. "I lied to you, earlier." He took a shuddering breath as he pulled out the small box. He shifted her hand, exposing her fingers, and cradled it as he placed the box half in his hand, half in hers. "About the accountants."

He sighed. He could feel the tears prickling his eyes again. "My grandfather. He did leave me a trust, but they didn't need managed. Not today. Or yesterday, I guess." He said with a chuckle that almost became a sob. "He left me a trust that I was only to use for three things. Education. A home. And..."

Carl looked up at Anna's face. Her beautiful face. His heart ached, desperate to see those eyes open.

"And a ring." He whispered, gently opening the small box.

Inside laid a gold band, wide, but not excessively so. With a series of small stones set into the band itself, forming a palindrome of ruby, sapphire, diamond, sapphire, ruby.

He'd seen her admiring it in the window of the jewellers. Seen her wide eyes and radiant smile. That reaction told him everything he needed to know. She wanted him just as much as he wanted her. And that ring was the perfect one for his perfect partner.

"So please. Anna, baby I'm begging you. Please wake up so I can put it on your finger."

* * *

13 MONTHS LATER

Gravel crunched beneath the wheels of the black car as it made its way down to the church. Flowers adorned the trees that lined the trail, bouquets of pink and white. It was a long trail, almost frustrating by the time it pulled up outside the main door. Anna struggled to contain her excitement as her dad stepped out and rounded the back, coming up to her door and helping her out of the vehicle. Anna hid the wince, the scars were still a little tight, but she could bare it, especially today.

"Are you ready Petal?" He asked, looking her in the eyes.

She nodded, struggling to find any appropriate words, before realising that words were mostly meaningless. She reached out and pulled him into a hug.

He chuckled. "I'm so proud of you." He said into her hair. His voice was thick, heavy with love, true pride, and tinged with the memory of how she was a year ago. " Let's go." He whispered, as they both heard the first few notes from the organ.

As they walked into the church Anna was comforted by the steadfast presence of her father. She might have been adopted, but he was her father. Her hand laid on his arm gently, but he held it firm, ready, just in case. It had been a long year, and she was still recovering. The tingles and numbness in her right side could still come unexpectedly.

They stopped just inside the outer door, beneath the stone vaulting. Literal centuries of brides had stood right there, waiting for the right moment in the music. Trish was there, along with Anna's niece and a young boy, barely even 4 years old, one of Carl's cousins. Trish was already crying, a huge smile on her face. She approached tentatively, but Anna accepted the hug without tottering. It was Trish's turn to be unable to speak. She pulled back, nodded, still with the big smile, and hugged Anna again.

"You're going to make me late..." Anna whispered to her.

Trish finally retreated with a shared grin, and the organ music launched into the main theme. Trish shepherded the children around the corner, leaving Anna and her father in the vestibule, waiting for the cue. Her dad laid his hand upon hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"Let's go kiddo."

The music came around to 'the moment' and Anna stepped onto the aisle confidently. She looked around, greeted by the sight of so many familiar faces. Plenty of family, hers and Carl's. Colleagues and friends, the line there was pretty blurred. She didn't want to consider the bill for agency staff the hospital was taking. They hadn't complained though. Perhaps it was the trusts idea of a wedding gift. Even Dr Stelling was there.

It didn't matter how many times Anna told the trauma lead that she understood her actions, the senior doctor was endlessly apologetic. It was genuinely becoming annoying. Part of Anna wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her while screaming 'You don't need to apologise again! I would have done the same thing!' She was glad Stelling had allowed Carl to give her that last jolt, but...ugh, I'm over it, why aren't you, she thought.

The steady arm suddenly felt firmer, and Anna caught herself. She hoped nobody noticed. That was the biggest lingering issue. If she got distracted her mind could float off and leave her limbs behind. Totally normal, for someone who had been dead for half an hour, apparently. In time it would hopefully get better. It was still irritating.

But it did force her to focus, and what a sight it was. Carl stood before the altar, in a frankly ...mmmmfff... fitting suit. She was sure she hadn't forgotten a word, an embarrassingly common occurrence in the last year. For once she knew what she saw was beyond such petty things as words.

Many would say it was a pretty standard suit. But with Carl in it... How do you clothe the perfect man?

He'd been the first face she truly saw when she awoke. He'd held her as emotions pulled her apart and she dragged herself back together again, a beacon when communication was almost impossible. He'd held her arm as she took her first steps on wasted legs, steadied her as she relearned balance. He read her favourite books aloud to ease her off to sleep despite the beeps and bongs of various monitors. He had taken her home, to their home, and cradled her when the nightmares came. As she gradually returned to who she once was, he was there. Always waiting, ironically she reflected, patiently, until she was ready for the next step.

It had been a long year, and at times it was terribly hard. But it only served to deepen their love for each other. The ring was on her finger throughout. And, once her recovery permitted, they'd been able to have some moments of ... fun. Considering they were both employed in the medical profession, they ought to have seen it coming. They'd both been terrified when the doctor asked them to come and double check some results from a routine post-'event' exam.

Anna's hand drifted towards her belly, where the bump was only just starting to show, and Carl's joined it as she alighted the small set of steps up to the altar. His fingers lingered for only a moment though, they had ceremonial obligations to fulfil. Anna watched the embrace between Carl and her father, and realised just how bonded the two had become. If, in some bizarro universe she ever tried to divorce Carl, she had no idea who her father would choose.

Roger's presence behind Carl was also an element she would never have foreseen. They'd been colleagues, sure enough. But something around the 'event' had changed their relationship on a fundamental level. Men. They were weird.

And then Carl took her hands, and it was just the two of them. Nobody else mattered. The vicar was giving his spiel, and Anna was slyly glad she could blame the 'event' for her distraction when it came to the parts that actually needed her input. The truth was she didn't care for anything else but him. His eyes. His smile. Him, standing there before her. It took her a moment to realise what the vicar had said, until Carl unfolded a piece of paper. His voice barely wavered as he read out the handwritten vows, and Anna's heart became physically, metaphorically, and eternally, his.

THE END

* * *

There we go, didn’t want to say this upfront in case of spoiling it, but I hope I made some people reading cry as much I did when writing. It’s the ending I always had in mind but it was so intense to write. Hard but exhillirating. I was up to 2:30am doing the first draft because I was so into it. I sincerely hope everyone enjoyed this series, and I will be back with more stories from Anna and Carl eventually.

[supervisormeero]

Five things you enjoyed writing the most?

And, more random one- five favourite birds? (If that's too many birds I will accept a smaller number lol)

NO NO I WILL TALK ABOUT BIRDS ALL DAY! Birds first:

1. Blue jays. They’re beautiful, and smart, and their feathers are the best color, and they swoop in for peanuts the second you set them out. They imitate hawks to trick other birds into flying away from feeders, which is maybe an assholish thing to do, but they’re so smart.

2. Crows. They’re beautiful, they’re intelligent, they play pranks on each other and hold “funerals” and are absolutely not deserving of the hate they get.

3. Chickadees. They’re cute, they’re friendly, and they’ll eat seed out of your hand just because they’re curious and trusting.

4. Sandhill cranes. They’re so regal and graceful. They mate for life and return to the same places every year after they migrate. Also, it’s obvious when they’ve come back in the spring because the noise they make is SO loud and distinctive.

5. Red-bellied woodpeckers. They’re just funny. One of them tries to eat from my parents’ window feeder but that feeder isn’t set up for woodpeckers, so he hangs awkwardly off of the bottom of it and has to crane his neck to reach for a peanut. He gets it after a few tries.

Okay, now five things I’ve most enjoyed writing:

1. Syril and Dedra getting together in Frictious. I just love how unrefined it is. Dedra’s not wearing her uniform, Syril’s in his pajamas, she’s there to apologize but also not to apologize because she would never stoop so low. It’s intentionally messy because these two are so pristine, and I had a great time writing it.

2. Eedy and Dedra’s conversation in Consequences. That fic never really took off the way I’d hoped, probably because it was too lengthy and I wrote it too late to capitalize on the “Dedra meets Eedy” momentum. Seriously, though, I do think there’s more to Eedy Karn than meets the eye. It’s fun to write her as a nagging, harsh thorn in Syril’s side, but I have to wonder if she’d see Dedra and think of how much she has to lose if she falls for the wrong person. If it’d cause Eedy to reflect on much she, herself, “lost” when Syril’s father left. I do think she would treat Dedra differently than Syril because she’d respect her, whereas Syril is always falling short of her expectations.

3. Dedra watching Syril sleep in To Live By Nightfall and Die By Dawn. She simply doesn’t get him, emotionally. They’re across the galaxy from each other when it comes to affection, intimacy, and openness. Nonetheless, she’s transfixed by him - he’s a problem she can’t solve, and she hates being unable to put him right or eliminate him. She doesn’t understand why he loves her, and she doesn’t understand love, and she doesn’t understand vulnerability even though he’s the only person who’s seen her be absolutely vulnerable and chosen her even when she’s at her lowest point. I’m also admittedly super weak for her wearing his robe and sitting at his table to work. The domesticity!

4. Their wedding in Imperial Matrimony. Mostly because I love their vows, and Mosk as their witness, and the kiss. But also because I love Dedra slowly grasping the severity and extent of her plan… marrying someone to ensure their unrelenting loyalty is still marrying them, and that doesn’t really hit her until she’s standing at the altar.

5. Dedra’s “I love you” in Imperial Matrimony. I personally believe she’s capable of saying the words, but she’s not connected enough to her emotions to be cognizant of whether she means them. When she tells Syril she loves him, she’s trying to protect herself and the operation she’s about to embark on. But it also sort of rips her apart to say it, which she hadn’t anticipated. In her way and in that fic, at least, I do think she loves him. Never more than her duty and standing, of course, but she’s at least fond of his presence and would rather he stay than go.

Ask me my Top 5 or Top 10 anything!

[bleep-blop-lizard-hop]

Warrior Thought

Warrior S3E9

Father Jun AND Lai??? Noooooo 😭😭😭😭😭

THE WRITERS ARE EVIL THIS SEASON 

I can’t even be properly happy about Nellie returning after being MIA for three episodes!

The opening scene with Lai going after Dickland alone was nerve wracking! At least she killed the asshole henchman with the whip. We know Dickland was a soldier and trained with the sword. Lai is a badass, but she’s too angry and not strategic enough. I wish it was different, but Dickland is literally the final boss. He won’t be taken down this easily. The way he was taunting her and giving her sword back ughh the arrogance! 

Every time I see Ah Toy I’m like “ma’am why aren’t you looking for your daughter??” But I know it’s actually the writers fault. We don’t know Lai’s dead until Nellie brings her body back to Ah Toy. Imagine losing your vineyard, your wife breaking up with you, and suddenly your daughter’s dead body is dumped at your door. Ah Toy knows she can’t blame this one on Nellie. She brought Lai back to Chinatown and now she’s dead. Ah Toy and Nellie cleaning Lai’s body for burial.

Nellie: “She deserves Justice.”

Ah Toy: “Justice come in many ways.”

Nellie: “Yes.”

Ohhhhh hell yeah, they’re really doing this! Nellie doesn’t give a single fuck anymore! The system is rigged, time for Justice their way! Ah Toy and Nellie are ride or die for revenge together! I hope they kill that bastard painfully and avenge their girls!

I knew Father Jun was coming, but damn it didn’t hurt any less. Poor Young Jun! Their relationship wasn’t perfect, but they still loved each other. Even if Father Jun didn’t say it back. In the end, he became like Long Zhii. He didn’t want a slow, agonizing death. He fought for everything he had, and went out on his own terms. RIP to a Warrior legend. Chao gave a very beautiful eulogy at his funeral.

Yan Mi is arrested because Lee recognized her at the wedding. To her credit, she didn’t say anything about the Hop Wei. Instead, it’s Ah Sahm who betrays them to save her. But it was a difficult choice. Love vs Duty is one hell of a battle. Ah Sahm still care about Young Jun, but never belonged in a tong. He was literally bought by them, fresh off the boat. He just want to be a good guy and protect his people. I don’t think he’s getting on that train with Yan Mi, because he still need to complete his hero arc. Watching Ah Sahm and Young Jun’s relationship deteriorate like this is heartbreaking. We got one last scene with them together before all hell breaks loose.

Poor Hong in this episode! He just wanted to have a nice, romantic night with his bf at the gay club! But then he got hit on by a cop. The same cop who put a fucking gun to his head and beat up his people. Of course he would get triggered! NO fucking racist pigs at Pride!!! Then they broke up and it was sad. Ughhhhhhh why must they torture the gays???

Mai Ling and Li Yong going from marriage to divorce real quick. Mai Ling is afraid of him because she knows she made him do terrible shit. But this is literally LI YONG! He always did everything for her, he murdered his best friend/mentor for her! Now she’s treating him like the plague! Though maybe some of it is residual trauma from her first abusive marriage. Li Yong looks like he’s leaving the Long Zhii, so Mai Ling will be extremely vulnerable. 

Chao is confronted by Happy Jack’s crew and their new leader, Isaac. Chao being Chao, cuts a deal with them by spilling the location of the plates. Hop Wei, Long Zhi, Happy Isaac crew, and Secret Service…it’s gonna be a goddamn bloodbath! 

Bill literally fighting his way to a promotion as Police Chief.

I don’t like to talk about Leary but that bar brawl at the end! Made that guy eat wood and busted his jaw open! Daaaammn

Only one more episode left holy shit! Crying shaking throwing up! PLEASE let us have a season 4!!!

[jimmyjrsmusoems]

i saw someone on tik tok ranking their top 10 bobs burgers songs and i wanna play too !!

my top 10 bobs burgers songs, ranked :

10. taffy butt (season 2, episode 1 “the belchies”)

this song is so iconic 😭 the belchies is also my #1 favorite episode, and i love tina and jimmy jr.‘s little dance in this end credits scene.

9. hot pants rain dance (season 7, episode 21 “paraders of the lost float”)

this song is just so fun and it makes me want to dance with them 😭

8. slumber party fashion show (season 4, episode 9 “slumber party”)

this song is stuck in my head 24/7. also whenever my fiancé or i buy new clothes we always say “fashion show, fashion show, fashion show at lunch!” from the office and this song reminds me of that lmao

7. i love you so much (it’s scary) (season 6, episode 3 “the hauntening”)

i am a boyz 4 now girlie 100% i would have eaten this song UP if i was tina lmao. also the end credits scene of them all singing and dancing is one of my favorites 😭

6. lucky ducks (the bobs burgers movie)

the first time i saw the movie and heard this song i was shoooook. it’s so good 😭 louise’s part always makes me tear up too lmao

5. my butt has a fever (the bobs burgers movie short)

this song!!!! is so cute!!!!!! i love it!!!!!! i watch this short over and over again sometimes because i love it so much lmao i would literally die for the belcher siblings

4. work hard or die trying, girl (season 5, episode 1 “work hard or die trying, girl”)

ICONIC. i quote this song all the time. “that’s exactly what people say before they make a baby i think!” “i’m hans gruber, consider yourself grubed” “i’m agent johnson, and i’m agent johnson, and we’re from the fbiiiii” it’s so cinematic

3. the right number of boys (season 9, episode 1 “just one of the boyz 4 now for now”)

OKAY if i’m not screaming along to this song it’s because i’m dead. that would be the only reason. this song literally makes me cry lmao. i was a “boy focused” girl like tina and this song made me feel so validated (even though i was eighteen when i first saw this episode lmao) also boo boo’s “i’m back!” is something i quote daily it’s so funny to me

2. sunny side up summer (the bobs burgers movie)

i am screaming crying throwing up every time i listen to this song. i will never ever forget the first time i saw the movie in theaters and burst into tears during this song lmao. every single part of it is perfect. i would play this song at my wedding AND my funeral. “but this summer i might see just who i turn out to be (just what we turn out to be)” makes me SOB

and you already knew what #1 would be if you’ve been following me for any amount of time

1. SKY KISSSSSSSSS (season 7, episode 9 “bob actually”)

HELLO??????

JIMMY JR KISSES TIIIIIIINA

LINDA KISSES BOOOOOOOOB

LOUISE KISSES RUUUUUUUDY

GENE KISSES A SPOOOOOOON

this song is perfection. my soul leaves my body every time i hear it. i am listening to it rn while i type this and i am floating to the goddamn ceiling. i am never not crying about this song. like. i would get this song tattooed on my body if i could

actual footage of me listening to sky kiss on repeat

anyway,,,,,ty for reading hope you had fun because i sure did

[mediamixs]

Halloween: a horror micro-story for every day of October

October begins today, the month of Halloween. To celebrate, here you will find 31 horror micro-stories, which are by anonymous authors and have been collected from various forums and internet websites.

1-Scratching Growing up with cats I got used to the sound of scratching on my bedroom door while I slept. Now that I live alone it is much more disturbing.

2-Friendless I got a text from my friend asking me when I'm going to go play at his house. I have no friends.

3-Dolls When I was a kid I was teased for playing with dolls. Now they are dead, and all my dolls are alive.

4-Surprise You were disturbed to see me. I thought I heard you missed me, today while I was being watched over.

5-Femicide My mother forbade me to talk about seeing and talking to dead people, now she's harassing me to denounce Dad for killing her.

6-A Shadow That shadow at the end of the hallway scared me. I closed my eyes but never opened them again.

7-Funeral The funeral attendees never came out of the catacombs. Something locked the crypt door from the inside.

8-TV My TV keeps turning on by itself. It’s annoying, but what’s more worrisome is how it only shows footage of me standing in my living room.

9-Best time My mom told me she had the best time playing with my little sister today. My sister went missing in 2002 — they found her body in 2006.

10-Children I just saw the children playing, admiring how high they have swung. But others tell me they’re just swaying in the wind where they were hung.

11-Bell Can you hear the beautiful ring of the bell? That means it’s time to drag you down to hell.

12-Run Roses are red, violets are blue. You’d better run, I’m coming for you.

13-Head Wrapped in sheets and cuddled in bed.You’ll foolishly expose your sweet, precious head…

14-It was me I arrived at the funeral a few minutes late. Nobody acknowledged me, and I figured out why when I looked into the casket and saw myself.

15-Nobody As I walked up the driveway with my new friend, I introduced him to my dad. “What friend?!” he asked with bewilderment in his eyes.

16-The thing She woke up to an unusual silence in their bedroom. She looked over as the thing that laid where her husband use to be rose from under the sheets.

17-The other When she turned around, she saw her own self, dressed in different clothes. Her heart went into shock and the other self gently helped her to the floor as she died.

18-Mystery I got a haunted doll in the mail today. If only I could find where she ran off too…

19-Neighbor I opened my front door to the frantic pounding of my next door neighbor. To my horror it was something that was wearing his skin…

20-Good Taste The stew I was eating was delicious, and I wanted to give my husband a taste. That’s when I found his wedding ring in my bowl, still on his finger.

21-Obsession Every morning my husband tells me he loves me, I really wish he’d stop. I murdered him last year, but he still won’t leave me alone.

22-The last day Being the first to respond to a fatal car accident is always the most traumatic thing I see as a police officer. But today, when the crushed body of the little dead boy strapped in his car seat opened his eyes and giggled at me when I tried to peel him out of the wreckage, I immediately knew that today would be my last day on the force.

23-Loyal dog The dog sits at my gate every morning and night when I leave and come home from work. Even after all this time she can still smell her owner’s blood on my hands.

24-A stranger in the mirror I’d been noticing it for months, that tiny lag in my reflection, not that anyone believed me. Today was different she didn’t even attempt to mimic me she stood there smiling, I think she wants to come out.

25-She is dead My kids were excited to tell me about the day they just had with their mother. I don't know how to tell them she died this morning on the way to work.

26-Hand After dating all through high school and college, our daughter’s boyfriend finally came by today to ask my husband and me for her hand. We gave it to him, hoping that he’ll finally tell us where the rest of her is.

27-Revenge When I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of cracking, I am aware that it is her rigor mortis body snapping unto itself as she crawls down the hallway . I knew it was only a matter of time before she would seek her revenge.

28-Angel of death My grandmother told me it was a gift to see the angel of death in front of people’s houses, to know he would be collecting someone there soon. I thought it was a gift too, until the day I began to see it in front of every house.

29-Alive or dead? I think I’m dead. But the other spirits keep telling me I’m alive.

30-Coffin There was a photo of me sleeping on beautiful red silk on my phone. What I don’t know is how the phone got into the coffin with me.

31-Only child I used to be considered the evil twin. But now I’m considered an only child.

[jdgo51]

Slip Away to A Quiet Place

Today's inspiration comes from:

Rest for Your Soul

by Wendy Blight

Editor's note: Wendy Blight knows what it's like to feel like peace has evaporated and nothing is "normal" anymore. In her new book Rest for Your Soul, she shares how to connect with God through three holy habits — solitude, silence, and prayer. Enjoy this devotion from Wendy written for Devotionals Daily.

"'The words I’m sharing today come from the pages of my new book, Rest for Your Soul: A Bible Study on Solitude, Silence, and Prayer. I’ve titled today’s devotion, “Slip Away to A Quiet Place.” Our key verse comes from the book of Romans,

“For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. — Romans 15:4 NIV

During the worst of my anxiety, enclosed spaces felt like the walls were closing in on me. Groups and crowds brought on full blown panic attacks. My solution. To never leave my house. I missed work events, parties, showers, weddings and even a funeral for someone I loved.

Do you find yourself in a season of deep unsettledness?

I think Jesus may have experienced that same unsettledness as He walked with His friends into the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus knew His assignment. The persecution, pain and suffering that lay ahead.

Friend, I don’t know about you, but when I see Jesus feeling my feelings, I want to learn from Him … watch what He does … pay attention to what He says.

Matthew 26 tells us Jesus left His friends and went deeper into the Garden to pray and receive strength, processing His agony as He surrendered His will to His Father’s. This gives us a beautiful picture of what it means to take a sacred pause with God. To slip away to a quiet place and wrestle through when it feels like God has forgotten us.

But I want you to know, feeling forgotten is true only according to your feelings. It’s not reality. If you remain in your lying feelings, you will continue to believe them until you make an intentional choice to step outside of your head and into God’s presence and His Word.

This is where the sacred pause of solitude comes in.

Solitude requires temporarily removing ourselves from people to be present with God. It creates space for Him to speak Truth into the lies we’re believing. To loosen the grip dark thoughts have on us and replace them with God’s thoughts.

Solitude requires temporarily removing ourselves from people to be present with God.

Blessings upon blessings are found in alone time with God. Psalm 1 shares one of my favorites.

Psalm 1:1-3,

Blessed is the one … whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither - whatever they do prospers. — NIV

For me, that word “meditate” brings to mind the image of sitting quietly, pondering and reflecting upon what I’m studying. However, in Hebrew this word is “hagah.” It’s often translated ruminate, eat, or chew on something.

We find “hagah” again in Isaiah 31:4 which says,

For thus the Lord said to me, ‘As a lion or young lion growls over his prey...’ — ESV

Here “hagah” is translated “growl.”

I found that second image, devouring God’s word like a lion eats its prey, incredibly insightful and totally from mine!

I’m inviting you to “hagah” on our key verse today, Romans 15:4.

For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have Hope.

In this verse, God explains the role He intends for His Word to play in your life.

God sent His Word for your instruction. God sent His Word to provide steadfastness and encouragement. God sent His Word to sustain your hope. This verse gives us a new lens through which to view our circumstances … God’s lens that encourages us to press on … endure … be steadfast.

It also tells us that same Word will sustain our hope.

The Bible reveals story upon story of people just like you and me pressing through the hard seasons, enduring and finding encouragement and hope even when everything in them wanted to turn back, give up, or walk away.

Friend, never forget your sacred pauses with God in His Word gird your mind to live steadfastly, abide in hope, even in the midst of your unsettled soul.

Invitation for You: Commit to a daily time of solitude this week. Take one sacred pause with God each day. Here are a few verses to meditate on during your time with God. Hebrews 1:3 (God’s glory), Colossians 3:12-13 (loving and forgiving others), Psalm 4:8 (peace and rest).

Prayer for you:

Lord, please settle my friend’s unsettled soul. Help her to carve out time to sit with You and “hagah” on Your Word. Minister to her heart and her hurt as You did Jesus in the Garden. She’s waiting to receive the words of encouragement You have for her to quiet her heart and help her endure what she’s walking through. We trust You, Lord. In Jesus’ Name, Amen."'

Written for Devotionals Daily by Wendy Blight, author of Rest for your Soul.

[greensparty]

Preview: 2023 IFFBoston

To paraphrase Nirvana: “Spring is here again...IFFBoston time”!  It is now my favorite time of year in Boston! My favorite film festival in Boston, in Massachusetts and possibly the world is Independent Film Festival Boston (read my coverage here).  I have a special place for this festival: in 2014 my documentary Life on the V: The Story of V66 had its World Premiere at the festival, and in 2015 I was on the Documentary Jury. Due to the pandemic, the scheduled 2020 festival was canceled and 2021 was virtual, so last year felt good to be back in-person. The 2023 film festival is at Somerville Theatre (Somerville), Brattle Theatre (Cambridge), and Coolidge Corner Theatre (Brookline) from Wed. April 26 to Wed. May 3, 2023!

2023 IFFBoston logo

Here are just some of the Official Selections that are on my radar:

Wed. 4/26/23: 

Opening Night Film is the documentary Love to Love You, Donna Summer. So fitting that the pop icon Donna Summer was from Boston and now she is getting the documentary treatment co-directed by Roger Ross Williams and her daughter Brooklyn Sudano and it is opening IFFBoston!

Thurs. 4/27/23:

Legendary writer/director Paul Schrader has been on a roll in recent years with First Reformed and the highly underrated The Card Counter (my #5 Movie of 2021). Now he’s back with Master Gardener with Joel Edgarton. In the modern comedy Free Time, a New Yorker decides to leave his job to re-assess his life, only to want his old job back.

Fri. 4/28/23:

Penny Lane has made some great docs in the past: Nuts! was one of my 10 Best Documentaries of 2016, Hail Satan! was one of the highlights of the 2019 Boston Underground Film Festival, and Listening to Kenny G. was really good too! Now she has turned the camera onto herself as she donates a kidney in Confessions of a Good Samaritan. Oscar-winning documentarian Davis Guggenheim (An Inconvenient Truth) has made a doc about one of the most well-liked actors of the last 40 years, Michael J. Fox. I’ve been a fan since Family Ties and Back to the Future and I’ve been hearing nothing but great things about Still: A Michael J. Fox Movie since it’s Sundance premiere. A Brooklyn brownstone in 1945 is the setting for a seance in Brooklyn 45.

Sat. 4/29/23:

The Student Shorts Showcase is on Sat. afternoon and it’s free admission! My buddy James Rutenbeck has his short Nixon’s Reversal in the Shorts Gloucester Documentary program. 

When I was making my V66 documentary a few years back, I interviewed members of Boston garage rockers The Dogmatics because they were popular on the 80s music video TV channel V66. Skip ahead to 2019, I had heard about a documentary being made about The Dogmatics, so I reached out to director Rudy Childs and producer Jada Maxwell. We met up, talked shop and I stayed in touch with them about the project over the years. A few months ago I was lucky enough to see an early screener of The Dogmatics: A Dogumentary and I am proud to be a Consulting Producer. It’s really great to see this band get the music doc treatment and that there is a segment in the doc about their popularity on V66! I’m like a proud parent!

Sun. 4/29/23:

Join or Die is a doc about Robert Putnam. Aurora’s Sunrise is a doc about an Armenian Genocide survivor, told through animation. One of my favorite documentarians Steve James (Hoop Dreams is one of the greatest docs ever) returns with A Compassionate Spy about controversial Manhattan Project physicist Ted Hall. Pod Generation stars Chiwetel Ejiofor and Emilia Clarke in a not-too-distant future as they explore a new technology for fertility. Never Be a Punching Bag for Nobody is a doc directed by and about Naomi Yang who was in Galaxy 500 and is now learning to box. Speaking of Boston music, Beautiful Was the Fight is about several Boston female musicians and their struggles.

Mon. 5/1/23:

Mary Tyler Moore was a true entertainment legend, especially Mary Tyler Moore Show (re-watch that Chuckles funeral episode if you don’t believe me). Now she’s getting the doc treatment with Being Mary Tyler Moore.

Tues. 5/2/23:

The doc Time Bomb Y2K looks back at the Y2K anxiety that was building closer to the Jan. 1, 2000.

Wed. May 3:

The Closing Night Film is the romance Past Lives.

I’m excited about this year’s lineup. For info and tickets go to: https://iffboston.org/

[reefer-reelz-n-reviews]

Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994)

 

 

Smoking: Horus

 

This week’s entry is another favorite of mine. It is about to come off of HBO Max so I decided to watching it this time. Not something hubby cares for so I watch it while he’s at work.

I’m mainly a huge fan of John Hannah, he plays Matthew in the movie. Ever since he was in The Mummy. Obsession lol. It’s not like the same kind as towards Brenden 😍 but just him as an actor. Moving on…

They are all on their way to the first wedding, Hugh Grant is playing Charles and he is still sleeping the day away. Their alarms didn’t go off so they are rushing to get to the wedding, he and Scarlett, played by Charlotte Coleman. I swear their favorite word is fuck 😂 I can’t blame them, I’m a fan of it myself lol. Of course, since he was late, he forgot the rings. But at least there was something there for the ceremony 😂

I feel like I am Tom. I’m that person that everything that could happen does. Tom is played by, James Fleet. Poor guy has the worst luck.

We follow Hugh Grant as he falls in love with Andie MacDowell, Carrie. Of course, they end up seeing each other throughout the movie at 4 weddings and a funeral lol.

Wedding 2. Poor Scarlett her dress is open in the back. Poor Charles, finds out that Carrie is engaged to someone else. Not only that, but he is just surrounded by all his ex-girlfriends. And even though Carrie is engaged to someone else her and Charles bonk.

Third wedding. Carrie’s. Poor Charles looks defeated. I mean who wouldn’t be. He fell madly in love by just seeing her. During the wedding we have the death in which adds the funeral portion to the movie title

The funeral was beautiful.

The 4th wedding. Charles’. His friends play a prank on him the morning of. Since he’s always late they made him think he was running late when really they got there early and had time to be together before the ceremony.

Of course, Carrie is invited. And surprise…divorce. They meet and talk for a few minutes before the ceremony where Carrie informs Charles of what happened.

The ending shows all the friends and their partners at the end.

Probably the shortest review I’m going to have. Trying not to give things away is hard lol.

Till next time!

 

 

-RRR