#i’m not joking when i say i would actually start playing fortnite if they do

[wawataka]

i need them to put reigen arataka into fortnite

[strniohoeee]

Requisite

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: While streaming Matt gets a little handsy with the reader, and what happens when fans start to notice, and Y/N feels a type of way🗣️ This is for my request asking for gamer Matt touching the readers thigh while streaming

Warnings⚠️: This is SMUT, but nothing crazy just them going to POUNDTOWNNNN

Song for the imagine: Acquainted- The Weeknd

⚠️This is an 18+ story, so minors do not interact, or do??⚠️

I was sitting on the triplets couch watching a movie with Chris and Nick. Well actually I should say the movie was watching us because Chris and Nick had fallen asleep, and my eyes were slowly closing here and there

I decided to sit up more and check my phone. It was about 5pm and I knew the boys would want something to eat soon, and probably film a vlog and car video. I checked all my socials and got back to my text messages.

I heard Matt cursing from his room, so I figured he was playing one of his games. I looked over to Chris and Nick snuggled together sound asleep, so I decided to head over to his room

I knocked on his door, but I figured he wouldn’t hear me, so I lightly cracked the door waiting for him to tell me to come in. We made eye contact and he smiled and then nodded for me to come in

“Hey” I said as I sat on his bed

“Hey- SHIT NO NO NO” he said smashing buttons on his controller harshly

“What are you playing?” I asked laughing at him

“Fucking Fortnite, but my team sucks” he said

“Nice. Chris and Nick are asleep, so I figured I’d come and bother you, and it’s almost dinner time” I told him

“Ouu we should get McDonald’s so then this way we could film a car video” Matt responded

“I’m down with that” I told him

“The chat wants you to come closer, and hang with us” he said turning back to look at me

“I didn’t know you were streaming” I said to him

“Oh yeah! Had to I was slacking” he said

“I agree I’ve been waiting for more twitch edits of you to pop up” I said joking with him, and he just looked at me and rolled his eyes playfully

I got up and walked towards him, standing next to him watching him play

“The chat says great shot of your chest” he said laughing at me

“You perves” I said stooping down and looking at the camera

“Here sit on my lap” he said scooting back

“Uhhh” I said giving him a side eye

“Not on anything weird just sit” he said sucking his teeth

“I’m going to crush your thighs” I said laughing at him

“Excuse me…im a man” he said holding his chest acting offended

“Fine” I said and sat on his lap, not allowing myself to put my full weight

Matt’s team had lost, so he was waiting for a new game to start, I think he noticed that I wasn’t putting my full weight down, so he started to massage my thigh to let me know I could relax more

I looked over at the chats and started reading some in my head

“IS HE RUBBING HER THIGH”

“Yallll they for sure fuckin”

“The hand on the thigh is CRAZYYY”

I wasn’t sure if Matt saw these comments, but I ignored them. I didn’t want his fans thinking anything crazy was going on between us.

Matt had let me play a couple rounds, and his hands kept rubbing and squeezing my thighs. The chat blowing uppp with all type of crazy comments

Matt had ended the stream, and I had gotten up

“Alright I’m hungry” he said getting up and stretching

“Yeah same” I said. Completely ignoring him just feeling up on my thighs like that’s some normal shit

“Lets go see if Chris and Nick are up” he said walking out his room and I followed

They were up and also talking about being hungry. So we all headed out for some McDonald’s, and spent the rest of the night filming YouTube videos and tik toks

What was bothering me was the fact that Matt had acted like him touching me was nothing, and like it’s an everyday thing that he does. Did he really not see the comments, or was that feeding into his brain

About a day later there were just non stop edits popping up everywhere of Matt touching my thigh. I was starting to panic because I didn’t want people assuming anything. If I’m being honest I really liked Matt, so him rubbing on my thighs didn’t help my case right now

I had been a bit distant with Matt and the triplets for a good 4 days. I honestly couldn’t be around Matt because I was conflicted on what to do. Did he like me? Was it just an action to make me less nervous?? I just didn’t know what it was.

I had received a text from our group chat

Nick

Y/N where have you been??

Chris

yeah???? You never go more than two days without seeing us

Matt

for real!!! Come hang out with us PLEASEEEE

Me

hiii I’m so sorry I’ve been dealing with some personal issues, and I didn’t want it to affect you guys<3, but I’ll be over shortly 😘

I had driven over to the triplets house, and let myself in

“Hey guys” I said coming up from the stairs

“YAYYYY you’re here” Chris said clapping his hands like a child

“Sorry yall! I was just going through it” I said laughing

“Is it about those edits?” Nick asked

“Well….yes and no” I told them

“Listen, don't listen to anyone saying anything bad, or assuming stuff about yall. I think some of those edits are taken out of context” Nick told me

Honestly that’s not why I was over the edits, but I just agreed anyways

“Yeah….i figured I’d chat with Matt” I said to them

“He’s in his room” Chris said. I thanked him and walked over to his room letting myself in

“Hey Y/N” he said giving me a hug

“Hii” I said

“I want to chat with you” I said to him sitting on his bed

“Is this about the edits?” He asked

“Ummm no it’s actually about the actions you did” I told him flat out

“Oh?” He said a little confused

“Listen I’ve been avoiding you because I really like you, and those touches on my thighs were making me spiral. I don’t want to think that those were just friendly touches, and not something more” I told him

“I mean I like you too, and you know I love physical touch, so those touches were both flirtatious and friendly” he said looking at me

“Oh….” Was all I could fucking manage out of my mouth

“I mean if I made you uncomfortable I’m sorry” he said looking concerned

“Oh no no….umm those touches actually made me feel some type of way” I said looking at him

“Yeah?” He said lowly

Next thing I know I reach over and pull Matt in by his shirt to kiss him. This kiss felt like 1,000 fireworks going off in my stomach. I felt like Matt was made for me

We pulled away, and he looked me up and down

“I’ve waited so long to do that” I told him, and he leaned in putting his hand on my thigh as his lips ghosted over mine

“I’ve waited so long for this too” he said finally kissing me again and massaging my thigh

“Fuck Matt you gotta stop rubbing my thigh, or I’m going to do something I shoudnt” I told him sighing

“Who says you shouldn’t do it” he said with a smug expression

“Matt you really want me to act out” I said smiling at him

“Baby you can do whatever you like” he said smirking at me

I smashed my lips into his allowing him to fall back as I straddled him

“Fuck Matt I need you right now” I told him pulling away from the kiss and removing my shirt

“Chris and Nick though” he said also removing his shirt

“Well you wouldn’t be taking off your shirt, and I’ll be quiet I promise baby” I said biting my lip

“Fuck it. I’ll be quiet too” he said leaning up to kiss me

We had been making out, and I was grinding down on Matt’s bulge. He pulled away to moan lightly

“Fuck I don’t know if I can hold out any longer” he said biting his lip and helping me grind down onto him

When he brought my hips back down I let out a bit of a loud moan

“SHHH” he said covering my mouth

“I’m sorry” I said muffled into his hand

Matt helped me out of my pants and my underwear and he slid his down to about knee length

“Fuck Matt” I said as I was grinding on his dick letting my arousal spread all over him

“Oh” he said thronging his head back and rubbing his hands through his hair

“Matt you’re so fucking sexy just kissing you makes me so wet” I said kissing his neck and chest

“Fuck don’t say shit like that or I’ll cum” he said looking into my eyes

“Are you ready baby” I asked him and he nodded, helping me align his dick at my entrance

I slowly slid down onto him my mouth falling slack at the stretch

“Shit oh my god” I said in a low moan as I bottomed out

“Fuck” Matt said as I started to rock my hips

I allowed myself to fall forward having our chests touching as I grinded on his dick. Matt had his hands on my ass helping me grinding on him. The way my pussy was contracting around him singing a shiver down his spine.

I sat up again and allowed myself to bounce on his dick but being careful of how loud I was becoming

“Fuckkkk Matt” I moaned throwing my head back

“Keep bouncing on my cock like that, and I’m going to cum so hard” he said rubbing his hands up my body and squeezing my breasts

I was bouncing on his dick harder and faster. My mouth falling slack as my breathing became heavier and I started to sweat

“Fuck y/n you look so good all hot and fucked out” he said also breathing heavily

“Keep talking I’m going to cum” I said falling forward again and grinding down onto his cock to allow stimulation to my clit

“I’m so close baby” he said kissing my neck and gripping my hips hard

“You’re doing so good for me” he said looking up at me

“I’m gonna cum fuck fuck fuck fuck” I said as I started to grind harder chasing my orgasm

I soon shuddered and came all over Matt’s cock shaking and moaning into his neck to keep quiet. I was seeing flashes of white and completely ecstasy through my body

“I’m gonna cum” Matt said now pounding up into me

“Cum baby cum for me” I said kissing his neck

He shuddered and gripped me harder

“OHHH myyy GODDD” (hehe) he whimpered out a bit loudly as he came into me. Trembling and convulsing

We both came down from our high and I got off of Matt falling next to him.

“That was so fucking hot” he said turning to look at me

“Fuck Matt I love you so much” I said as I went in to kiss him

“I love you too” he said after pulling away, and he began to sit up

Soon after I sat up as well looking for my article of clothes

“Wanna shower with me?” He asked looking back at me

“Yeah that sounds nice” I said getting off his bed and walking to his bathroom with him

We had showered together laughing and trying to be quiet so Chris and Nick wouldn’t hear us. After that I changed back into my clothes and him and I layed in his bed watching tv waiting to stream later on together.

The End

I hope yall enjoyed this one 🫢💋💋 and for the person that requested this I also hope you enjoyed it🫶🏽🫶🏽 love yall and thank yall so much for the support

-J💅🏽

[modelbus]

I’m obsessed with the way u write Tommy, the witty dialogue is so >>>> lately I’ve been fixated on the drunk MCC video so if you’d like to write a oneshot based on that it would be super appreciated! Reader probably takes beky’s spot so they’re on the same team, and the more drunk they get the more affectionate and distracted they get and the chat is just eating it up teehee

I actually had to hunt down the video because I haven’t seen it… for anyone curious the video is called “Minecraft But I’m Drunk”!

Pairing: Cc!Tommyinnit x Gn!Reader

Flirting Fools

“IM JUST KEN, WHEN I SEE LOVE I SEE YOUR BALLS—“

The cider you were drinking—same one that Tommy had stocked up on—ends up on your monitor rather than down your throat. Whose idea was it to do a drunk MCC again? Oh, yeah, Tommy fucking Innit.

“Why can’t you say hello like a normal person?” You sigh, wondering if Tommy even has his headphones on.

“Y’know, I want to watch the woman movie but my girlfriend insists I see it with her and I haven’t had the chance.” Jack says, speaking up.

“Oh, Jack, you have a girlfriend?” Tommy asks.

“Acting like you aren’t dating someone too.” You say pointedly, giving a deadpan look to your camera.

“Because you’re amazing! The El-Oh-Em-El! Love of my life!”

“Never spell an acronym out loud again.” You plead.

“What’s an acronym?”

Tubbo’s laugh in the background seems more like a cry of help.

-

“We’re dropping like Fortnite!” Jack exclaims just as the floor vanishes from under you and everyone is out into elytra mode.

“Shit wait we’re playing Fortnite? We playing Fortnite?” Tommy immediately hops on the joke, and you mentally tune him out.

“I love Fortnite!” Jack agrees eagerly. Twenty seconds later, he dies. “I fucking hate Fortnite!”

“I died too.” You inform him, picking up the can of alcoholic cider to take a drink.

“WAIT!” Tommy screeches. “Cheers! Cheers with me!”

You raise your drink to your camera, assuming Tommy is doing the same in his office. Afterward, Tommy slurps his drink far too close to his mic.

“I’m gonna vomit.” Tubbo declares.

“Don’t back down and give up, that’s some shit Kenergy.”

-

“Guys, I just bought myself a pack of ‘Colon the Caterpillar’ and if we win MCC I’ll open them.” Tommy’s voice announces during the loading between games. Do you know what that means? No. Do you want some? Fuck yes.

“Share. Share? Share?” You ask, taking another sip of your drink.

“Come over babygirl.” Tommy answers you. For a second, there’s a complete pause in the call. “…I’m going to kill myself.”

“What the FUCK?” Jack shouts.

“Tom, Tom— never say that again.” Tubbo pleads, are you’re inclined to agree.

“Maybe just… keep your mouth shut.” You advise Tommy.

-

“Oh, Jesus, it’s harder to stream when the— when.” Tommy says, quite eloquently.

“Ah, yes, I when the when all the time with you.” You agree.

“We are when the when-ers.”

“Can you two shut up?” Jack asks.

-

You grit your teeth, groaning when a player kills you, picking up your drink again. Slowly but surely, you’re getting drunker and drunker. So much for not having a hangover tomorrow.

“We’ve literally gotta get this dub guys or I don’t get my sweets.” Tommy reminds everyone. “Why is talking like fuckin’ on extreme difficulty?”

“Is it?” You ask idly, taking another drink just for fun.

“Worse than when I’m kissin’ you and shit.” He confirms.

“Stop making Tubbo and I the third wheel.” Jack pleads.

You grin, laughing. “Nah.”

-

“Listen to me now! Look me in the eyes!” Tubbo says, his character moving to stand directly in front of Tommy’s. “You’re my best friend okay and we’ll get you through this.”

“Tom, Tommy, Toms, listen to me.” You giggle, moving to stand next to Tubbo. “You are my boyfriend. And I will not get you through this.”

“Okay, fuck, well I gotta listen to you. Sorry Tubbo.”

“Oh.”

-

“I’m gonna get the coins in the middle!” After his declaration, Tommy sprints to the middle platform and starts mining away at the yellow coin block.

“Jesus fuck, At least wait!” You sigh, shooting a random person.

“Wha— how are you getting them?” Jack agains, laughing wildly. “How is that working?”

“Cause I’ve got backup! My backup’s the best!” Tommy responds, turning in circles.

“You know I’ve always got your back.” You answer.

“Cause you’re cool like that. You got the moves like Jagger.”

“That I do, Tom Simons. That I do.”

-

“Y’know what? It makes me quiet.” Tommy gives no context, leaving you on your own to puzzle out that he’s talking about being drunk.

“Huh? We literally got plastered that one time and you wouldn’t shut up.” You disagree.

“Well, yeah, ‘cause it was you.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Means I like talking to you, bitch.”

“And you don’t like talking to me?” Jack asks. “Oh, yeah, I see how it is.”

“I got priorities man!” Tommy defends himself.

“Priorities being…?” You question, giggling.

“You.”

-

“I’ve got to say, I think there’s a huge lack of focus on the team.” Jack says, coughing pointedly.

“I think I’ve got to agree with you Jack.” Tubbo hums.

“Yeah, and it ain’t us Tubbo.”

“The fuck you saying about me and my boyfriend?” You ask, splash potion of harming in your hand. “You wanna fucking repeat that?”

“No no no no— you guys are great! Teen love— TUBBO RUN—“

-

“Tommyinnit meet and greet on the rocks outside the pier in Brighton at 1am?” Tommy asks. “Any muggers don’t go there though.”

“I’ll go with. Mug both of us.” You offer.

“Yeah, we team that shit. Power of love right there.”

“Love lets people get mugged together?” Jack laughs.

“Not all love Jack.” Tommy corrects.

“Just ours.” You agree with Tommy. “Our love is special, Jack.”

“Oh, it’s certainly something.”

-

Sands of Time has you immediately frowning at the screen and taking another drink. It’s such a shit game, it deserves to be drank to.

“I went to the bathroom guys and I was just like oh by the way…”

There’s a second where you, Tubbo, and Jack wait for Tommy to finish his sentence. He doesn’t.

“‘Oh by the way’ what?” Jack finally asks.

“Oh— oh, I just stopped.” Tommy laughs. Cackles, more like.

“Oh by the way I’m coming over to your place after?” You ask him.

“Really? We can watch that new movie you’ve been wanting to see, if you want.” He doesn’t even blink at the subject change.

“Works for me. Might be a bit before I sober enough to not get murdered in the streets though.”

“I’ll just come get you, love.”

“You’re drunker than me.”

“I’ll scare everyone off with my many muscles.”

“Do you even have one?” Tubbo asks. “One muscle?”

“Many manly muscles.” Tommy doubles-down.

“I’ll just walk.” You sigh.

-

“Guys stop calling me ‘daddy Tommy’ I’m clearly a twink.”

“Tom?” You ask.

“Yeah?”

“Shut up, please.”

“Whatever you say!”

-

<Tommyinnit> Tubbo kisses his cousins

“I do not!” Tubbo exclaims, outrage painting his voice.

“I’ve seen Tubbo bare-lipsing his cousins.” Jack argues immediately.

“Have you?” You ask Jack.

“I’d kiss you even if you were my cousin.” Tommy says to you. “That’s how much I love you.”

“You’d what?”

“No, cause it’s my love.”

“Tom, man, I think it’s time for you to be done.” Jack says wisely.

“Well, no, cause what’s wrong with what I said?”

“So many things. So so many things.”

-

When you blink your eyes open the next morning, everything is hazy and painful. A throbbing headache makes you immediately close your eyes against the bright sunlight of morning, only for you to try again a few moments later.

There's a weight thrown across your middle; upon further inspection, it's Tommy's arm. Heavy and warm, and also keeping you trapped next to him.

"Tom." You groan, knowing that you need some water and Aspirin. He probably does too, considering he definitely drank more than you. "Tom, please."

He mumbles something, barely relenting his grip on you. It's just enough so that you can stretch across the bed to grab your phone from the charger. There's a few messages from friends checking up on you and Tommy (including a shit ton from Wilbur that you're just going to... ignore...) but you swipe open social media.

Only to immediately close it when you realize that you and Tommy are trending for what happened during MCC last night. Although it could very well also have been from the photo Tommy posted of you two kissing, to be fair.

"Stop moving." Tommy groans, pressing his face into your shoulder.

"We need Aspirin and water." You tell him. "And we're trending on Twitter."

"No." His hold on you tightens. "Five more minutes."

You know damn well five minutes will be ten, then thirty, then two hours, but you relent either way.

"Five more minutes."

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

Hey bestie I just saw your multiplayer post and 1: I totally get it. Multiplayer sucks so much ass because I’m an impatient motherfucker.

But I wanted to ask you something. I’m so sorry, I’m not trying to be rude or judgmental, just some food for thought (that you may not even need!) from a bestie who is rooting for you!!

Have you ever considered that FOR YOU playing multiplayer with someone might be less about your personal enjoyment and more about doing an activity with a loved one that THEY enjoy?

It sounds like you have people in your life who love something! And they also love you! And they want to share those things with you, even though they aren’t your favorite! Obviously you don’t need to let anyone pressure you into anything, but I think doing un-fun activities that someone else enjoys with them can be a very sweet way of engaging with them selflessly.

Like i fucking hate bowling. So fucking much. I can’t even explain it. But once recently I managed to put that aside because a friend wanted to bowl on her birthday and I didn’t want to rain on the parade.

And I was nervous, like I’m going to ruin this with my bad attitude because I hate bowling. But I decided to try a different mindset? I don’t care if I have fun doing this activity, the fun part is being with my bestie. Joking around, hanging out around her. And it actually made it so much more fun. I don’t know how to describe it but bowling with her was actually fun that day.

And cooperation is so difficult and different even than the bowling example, but I actually have one for that too! I recently tried Portal 2 with my dad (we famously struggle to cooperate and always end up arguing.) But he loves the game and wanted to spend time with me. So I resolved to do it well. Instead of playing the game the way I usually would, I was intentional about playing differently. Because this is a different activity entirely, I’m not playing a game, I’m hanging out with my dad.

I literally just stuck by him, let him tell me what to do, and was blown away when he started asking for my opinion. And since I’d faithfully followed orders, when I had an idea to try he would do the same. And eventually we entered a cooperative zone I’d never before have deemed possible with my father.

So anyway, like I said this may not be applicable for you! But I thought it might be decent food for thought, maybe there is a new way to approach that activity that could be less painful for you??

since you typed so much and put so much effort into saying this as kindly as possible to get it out to me i want to do you the same courtesy and say this with patience and grace.

i know they want to share something they love with me, and that doing something im not into so that my loved ones can have fun with me is just something humans in a community occasionally have to deal with. sometimes we just have to grin and bear it so our friends can enjoy our company, and in a community, everyone takes a turn grinning and bearing it.

but this is something i do for them with like... team shooters and realtime co-ops. not for turn based strategy where i'm forced to wait on them to read at the speed of smell or watch a cutscene they've seen six times so they can make different decisions or meticulously organize their inventory.

when i play fortnite with my boys, i dont need to wait on them except to regroup or discuss what to do next, and i'm happy to put my impulsive playstyle to the side and hold back instead of barging in guns blazing like i do solo. i grin and bear it.

but when i play bg3 or ffxiv or wow with my boys, i'm fucking miserable, impatient, and forced to adhere to their playstyles when theirs all mesh together and mine is the outlier.

i read at warp speed. i comprehend and strategize and improvise faster. slowing down is torture because the game itself is already working at the pace of a 600lb century tortoise and i'm already making concessions just to be able to play at all.

i dont want to work and try when i play games. i want to relax and turn my brain off. my friends all know this and they have for over a decade.

they have known for 15 years that i hate turnbased strategy games, and i hate playing multiplayer. i am able, with effort, do one or the other, but not both. they've known this for so long. and every like 8-15 months they seem to forget and something they all love comes out and they want me to be included and i get the game and have a good time by myself and im able to join in the conversation and the last six times this has happened evaporate from their memory and they insist it'll be differen because this one is "actually good" and i assure them it will not be different and they encourage me to try and i grow a fucking demoncore in my chest with the weight and pressure of not screaming HURRY THE FUCK UP IT'S BEEN 7 MINUTES THAT YOUVE BEEN ORGANIZING YOUR FUCKING CHEST THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SILLY FUCK AROUND RUN NOT A SERIOUS ORGANIZED RUN THIS ISN'T "PLAYING A GAME" THIS IS "SCROLLING TIKTOK WHILE I WAIT FOR LITERALLY ANYTHING TO FUCKING HAPPEN AND THEN NOT GIVING A FUCK WHEN IT IS MY TURN BECAUSE THE EXPERIENCE IS RUINED BY FORCING ME TO PULL MY BRAIN OUT OF THE GAME!!!!!!!"

and all of that stays in my chest because obviously i'm not about to shout at my friends that theyre functionally illiterate and to just kill something already so it festers and rots between my ribs and i am having a noticeably bad time.

your friends cannot possibly enjoy something that makes you actively miserable. your friends want you to have a good time doing something they love, not to bottle your misery and fake it so they can have a fun time.

it isn't even about the game or my playstyle. it's about the fact that they learn this lesson CONSTANTLY and yet never seem to learn. it's about how i HATE the part of myself that keeps giving in just to get that little bit of revenge on them to really drive the point home this time.

----------------------------------------------------

it is february. you are lactose intolerant. your friends KNOW this. they have for nearly 20 years. sometimes you have a small ice cream bar because theyre so good and worth the pain. your friends only bought cheese pizza for the party, and no other food. you sigh.

You're like "i'll join another time, i cant eat cheese pizza." they insist it'll be okay, they want you here so bad because they love spending time with you. they'll take care of you, the second bathroom will be free all night and they have plenty of pain killers and extra clothes. you tell them 'okay but take care of me for real this time'. they promise.

there are no pain killers, only iron suppliments. they used up the pain killers about a month ago and didnt notice, they didnt think theyd need any so soon. the second bathroom is immediately clogged because one friend flushed paper towels on accident, and the others are using the main bathroom very frequently because they all drank too much. they didnt realize they wouldnt be able to drink so much. how could they have know the toilet would clog? they're complaining about your gas because there's no febreeze, only lemon pledge. how could they have know they needed febreeze so soon? the guest bedroom is full of dusty storage and the bed smells like mothballs. how could they have known they'd need to use it so soon? the only extra clothes are too small for you and the shower is mildewy. later in the night you ask for them to get you some water and they're all too tired. you get yourself some water and groan in pain the whole way to the kitchen and back. "can you keep it down, we're trying to sleep!" "YOU LEAKED SHIT IN MY BED?!?!" "ughhhh the bathroom is acrid"

you burn the house down in your mind.

your friends party every other week, so the next time you gather, and every time after that, they have food you can eat. they learned their lesson! all is well, and you're able to make funny jokes about how much you wanted to kill them, and they make funny jokes about how stupid they were to forget something so important, and they suffered a lot from your gas and groaning and having to clean the sheets since it was their own fault after all, so they'll never forget now! you forgive them. friends fuck up sometimes. months and months of perfect parties. perfect friends.

it is november. it's party time. you arrive. there is only cheese pizza.

you sigh.

[changkyunsmilitarywife]

Obey Me! Headcanons

𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘪𝘧𝘦𝘳

- kins Hannibal Lector from Hannibal NBC

- has a secret Only Fans

- enjoys dishing out punishments & tying people to the ceiling a little bit TOO much

- big dick energy

- he also has big milkers

- loves MCR

- I can see him as a total emo or scene kid in the early 2000s

- wine mom

- whenever his brothers are loud he's like a teacher that says "I'll wait" with his arms crossed

- constantly gets his cape/coat thing flipped over his head by Mammon whenever he walks the halls

- forces his brothers to do community service stuff with him for 'family bonding'

- has a Keurig that Diavolo gave him

- sets the Thermostat to 10 degrees Celsius (50 Fahrenheit)

- “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed” energy

𝘔𝘢𝘮𝘮𝘰𝘯

- deez nuts & your mom jokes

- unironically kins the Joker

- Kpop stan

- pretends to hate kids but actually likes them

- or he absolutely hates them. There's no in between

- unironically relates to Creep by Radiohead (but I think most people do so it's okay)

- plays Animal Crossing and owes lots of Bells to Tom Nook

- afraid of Barney, Big Bird & the Kool Aid man

- committed tax fraud at some point (if taxes exist in the Devildom idk)

- flat earther ☹️

- took him too long to learn how to tie his shoe laces

- or he just straight up doesn't know how

- uses axe as his choice of deodorant

- scared of spiders & bugs in general

- makes children cry (maybe that's why he doesn't like them or pretends he doesn't like them)

- he's a discord kitten for money

- cat fishes old men for money

- probably was one of "The Boys 😈💪🏻🦍🔫" at some point

- doesn't know how to swim

- bottom

- got his ears pierced at Claire's

- into bitcoin and cryptocurrency

- makes & sells shitty NFTs

𝘓𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯

- bullies kids online for fun

- wall puncher when he loses fortnite ☹️

- fucking sucks ass at Minecraft

- scared of Minecraft mobs esp the spiders

- discord mod....

- twitch streamer; secretly popular

- has a maid dress & wears it on stream

- participates in NNN...but fails

- when he says lol out loud he says it like "el oh el"

- had a nightcore phase

- his piss is a bright highlighter yellow color

- drinks G Fuel or Bang Energy

- "I have the power of god and anime on my side!"

- the weird kid who sits in the back of your class

- has the Creeper zip up hoodie

- unironically likes & listens to Bo Burnham

- "paper cut survivor 💪🏻" in his bio

𝘚𝘢𝘵𝘢𝘯

- goes live on tiktok or devilgram & reads bedtime stories

- wears cat ears

- secretly has a Wattpad account or a tumblr where he writes fanfics

- he probably writes smut too tbh

- runs a podcast

- the type to start drama at RAD with asmo because they're bored

- actually likes Macbeth 🤢

- your average nickelback enjoyer

- accidentally fell into an animal’s cage at the zoo when he was a kid

- likes americanos ☹️

- super passive aggressive

- has one of those weird millennial signs that say stuff like "girl boss" or "don't talk to me if I haven't had my coffee yet"

- cat meme/reaction pic user

𝘈𝘴𝘮𝘰𝘥𝘦𝘶𝘴

- runs one of those school 'tea' & 'confession' accs on devilgram for RAD

- very famous beauty guru

- has an only fans & twitter

- unironically likes the kissing booth ☹️

- the type to start drama at RAD with Satan because they're bored

- moans super loud during face time/on a call if someone else walks in your room

- if he was in It he would think Pennywise is hot and try to seduce him

- Light Yagami apologist (I mean me too he's hot sorry not sorry)

- watches Ru Paul's drag race

𝘉𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘻𝘦𝘣𝘶𝘣

- tattles on any of his brothers if Lucifer bribes him with food

- takes gym class to seriously, especially dodge ball

- plays cooking mama on his crappy old DSI

- Candy crush player (weirdly good at it)

- good at pole dancing

𝘉𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘨𝘰𝘳

- Radiohead stan

- likes fnaf & the lore

- hot topic or Spencer's employee

- con artist for fun

- avid True Crime podcast listener

- has the strawberry or chocolate cow scented pillow pet

𝘋𝘪𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘭𝘰

- has a folder in his photos that's just full of pictures of Lucifer

- has a prayer candle with Lucifer's face on it as a "joke" (or is it ?🤨)

- "blackmails" Lucifer with candids Diavolo took of him (mainly the shirtless ones he took when they were on vacation)

- he radiates energy of that one dad who tries to be 'hip'

- had to get bailed out of jail by Lucifer (Ik he's the prince but idc)

- says memes like "may-mays"

- he probably accidentally summoned the wrong person/human for the exchange program

- scared of roaches

- his favorite Disney movie is Ratatouille

- kins Remy the rat

- big mommy milkers

- has a pickle hate page on devilgram where he just posts pictures of pickles and slanders them

- King Julien

- also enjoys Ru Paul's drag race & forces Lucifer to watch with him

- pours milk before cereal

- has a pair of crocs that are decorated with jibbitz with Barbatos & forced Lucifer to get a pair so all 3 of them can match

- likes minion memes

- has a Burger King crown

𝘉𝘢𝘳𝘣𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘴

- weirdly good at hacking and coding??

- business major vibes

- or engineering major

- runs a tea devilgram acc where he reviews and rates different brands of tea

- malewife & girlboss energy

- goes on Omegle with Diavolo

- knows how to Doxx people

- takes Diavolo to Chuck E Cheese

- has those old lady candies in his pocket

𝘚𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯

- actually a super horny mf

- he is not innocent as you think

- "that's what she said jokes" but says it in his head

- doesn't get worried when Luke is gone bc he knows that Luke will come back

- uses Facebook

𝘓𝘶𝘬𝘦

- has a burn book that features all of the demon brothers

- has Pokémon cards and is actually pretty good at the game

- Jiggly Puff is his fav Pokémon

- jumps around with a contorted face whenever he stubs his toe because he REFUSES to curse

- has the frog Build a Bear plushie

- knitting/crocheting master

𝘚𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘯

- sucks at card games so he subtly cheats with magic

- trolls on twitter or any app tbh

- Star Wars fan

- doesn't know how to drive

- or if he does know, he's just shit at it

- does magic at kids birthday parties

- likes Harry Potter but critiques it with how “inaccurate” it is

- turns the brothers into toddlers for fun

- he definitely banged Asmo at some point

- listens to Weezer

- uses Uno cards to do Tarot readings

[spidersonicbatl0]

Debunked Tyrranux deviantart post “these jackasses actually copied the will u”

I’m a PlayStation fan, so when I find this post. I was speechless. This is so dumb it make the humans in helluva boss, look like dr doom. For context this is a response to PlayStation may 2023 state of play. Btw here a link to the post https://www.deviantart.com/tyrranux/journal/These-jackasses-actually-copied-the-Wii-U-964209907 (note: do not harass this person please)

Ok let begin

“One minute in and they're already sucking their own dicks. They really are the video game equivalent of Elon Musk.....” so making a flashing intro is sucking one dick. By that logic e3 show have flashing intro or reveal is sucking dick.

“Define irony, a video game all about eating the rich published by a company notorious for being comparable to Elon Musk as far as inflated ego, bitterness towards competition and general market share value....” even tho I never saw the show. The boys from what hear make funny/criticize consumerism, big company’s and company being diverse to get a quick dollar. And you know who own the boys tv series……Amazon.

“They fucking would if they could. Lord knows they did the same with FF7 and SF5....” to explain what she talking about. The YouTuber who is react to this say “yes chat this gta6”. But the thing is final fantasy 7 came out on the ps1, so making it a PlayStation exclusive for a time make sense. Same with the crash n sane trilogy. Also mega man start as Nintendo exclusive series, But capcom later made mega man x4 came out on the sega Saturn and PlayStation 1

“Soooooooo they aren't gonna shy away from the heavy dosage of anti fascist society themes that defines Starship Troopers as a story?” Detroit: become human: am I a joke to you

“Dammit that's a really good name for a game dev studio XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD9:40 - I was about to say this looked familiar..........so it's also gonna be on Xbox then?” You know Nintendo have show third party game in Nintendo direct before right?

“By the by this is also slated for Xbox and Nintendo Switch, I checked. And I only bring it up because, well, I didn't compare Sony to Elon Musk for nothin'.” 👆 say response as above

“Either that or their own Fortnite with black jack and hookers, that way they don't have to pay Epic Games to feature Final Fantasy or Kingdom Hearts characters in a competing title.” 🤦 epic games would actually have to pay money to square to use final fantasy. Heck square only own half of kingdom hearts, the other half is own by Disney.

“Because we're talking about a company so creatively bankrupt that they actually made a "remake" to Final Fantasy 7.” Re2 remake change the gameplay and story beats. But capcom call it a remake when it more of a reimagining of re2.

“Also how nice of Square to just hand Sony their own version of Splatoon on a silver platter so that Sony didn't have to make one themselves. Cue all the Sony ponies decrying Splatoon as dead and there being nothing to play on Nintendo.” 😟 not every PlayStation fan is a toxic fan. The same go for Xbox fans and Nintendo fans. Toxic fans like that are mock by non toxic fans. Like you Tyrranux

“Oh look it's that one game that's already overshadowed by FF7 Rebirth, setting it up for a descent into the pit of irrelevance. And it seems this is also a Playstation exclusive so it's double dead on arrival, if it was also on Xbox it might have stood a chance....” they a lot PlayStation exclusive ip that people remember fondly ape escape, jak and daxter, sly cooper, infamous, resistance, kill zone, ratchet and clank, twisted metal, midevil, little big planet and god of war. Also imagine being such toxic Xbox/Nintendo fangirl, you think that any ps exclusive is going to fail. It not like god of war 2018 is a considered the best game of all of time and won 2018 game of the year

“And I'm glad I'm not seeing yet even more Breath of the Wild but now more heavily sci fi. Wait isn't that just Horizon Zero Dawn? Yep XD” breath of the wild have gameplay different to horizon. Here they Wikipedia pages and at the gameplay section https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Legend_of_Zelda:_Breath_of_the_Wild

“Dude, this is Sony we're talking about, the bigger shock would be that it doesn't end on something stupid like that.”

“Oh my God these morons really are just copying the Wii U! And lemme guess, this is gonna cost up to 500 dollars as well?! Jackasses.....” 1 the Wii U gimmick is that the game pad is use to do stuff on the tv. This doesn’t have that feature. 2 sega in the 90s made the game gear, it literally just an sega gameboy and Disney infinity and Lego dimensions are skylanders games, but with pre existing ip’s. 3 the Kinect

“Ah yes, the game I'm not even allowed to play because Sony, the selfish fucks, would rather continue testing the patience of Disney than finally part with the Spider Man movie licence. Skip.” Marvel approach Xbox on making a marvel game, but xbox say no. Marvel so when to sony pitch a marvel game, sony say yes and let insomniac games decide what character the game will be about. They pick spider man because the studio loves the character. If insomniac wanted to make a game based on daredevil it would ps4 exclusive. Plus Disney have a deal to use spider man in the mcu, so they no reason to buy the rights.

That was bad. Anyway I going to have rest now. Oh Tyrranux if you say I’m am Sony fanboy

Here a picture of my Nintendo switch with my games

[slasherb1tch]

I’m currently having Dead by Daylight brainrot so here you go!! Enjoy >:)

Random Dead By Daylight Killer HCs Pt.1

Trigger Warnings: None

Not a Request

Ghostface / Danny Johnson

This man… Although he acts cool or at least tries to keep his cool persona up, he isn’t. (I can say this as a Ghostie main) His favourite thing to do is bother his killer “friends” like Myers, Pinhead, the Legion members (mainly Frank), Freddy, or Pyramid Head. (Most of everyone I just listed will not say he is their friend.) Survivors are only scared of him when he jumpscares them or mori(s) one of their teammates. Other than that, its just joking around and I’m pretty sure they know his actual name, its just “Oh hi Danny lol” *dances* throughout the entire match. He is seriously just a guy who likes to dance with survivors and make sex jokes (don’t even try to deny it). The entity’s least favourite, hes like a 12 year old boy.

Executioner / Pyramid Head

From an outward standpoint, he is pretty intimidating, even a few killers can admit to their fear. But!! Little did everyone know, if you manage to become close with him (which isn’t that hard), he can be pretty sweet. I said it in a post before but seriously. He is very overprotective over his favourite people. Cheryl, if you’re out there, he just wants to be friends 👉👈 Unlike Laurie and Micheal, you might actually see Cheryl and Pyramid Head interact every once in a while. Conspiring? Possibly. Most likely just talking about Silent Hill, Pyramid Head definitely gets homesick, especially when having trials at Midwich.

Nurse / Sally Smithson

She seems the type to seriously live up to her nickname. She’s like the school nurse. Example, one of the legion members get a splinter vaulting a pallet? She’ll fix it. Another survivor used decisive strike? Hold on, one moment. Please someone make her take a nap, she must be so overworked with all the situations killers can get themselves into. Don’t even get her started on how many killers have almost been concussed because of pallets. Shes kind of like a tired mom, but not a mom, a floating, murderous corpse.

Wraith / Philip Ojomo

To me, he seems like a cat person. Just the way his head tilts reminds me of my cat, or the way his breathing could sound like purrs if it wasn’t so raspy- All I’m saying is, I could totally see this man bringing back to the killers a bunch of kittens he just happened to find and caring for them as if he is actually a cat himself. Oh and you know he’d name them all and treat them like the royalty they are. If anyone touches them, he’ll be just as mad as any mama cat would be >:( Okay but like- Philip snuggling up with a bunch of lil grey kittens- Can you imagine-

Trickster / Ji-Woon Hak

For some reason, I get serious twitch streamer vibes from this man. Ji-Woon would have the led lights, the gaming chair, the amazing top of the line computer and monitor (like 6 of them), all just to brag. He’d for sure use his musical popularity to build his fanbase for his streams. And then of course, he’d barely ever talk about music he’s writing or working on, instead he’d be busy playing Fortnite or something of that sort, just showing off his skins and emotes. Don’t get me started on his rage quits. He’d get defeated while playing a pvp game, and then be as determined as possible to get revenge. After failing multiple times to get revenge he’d abruptly stop playing and end the stream just to post minutes later “Sorry about that! I’ll be starting the stream again soon!” with a selfie of him doing the lil heart thing with his fingers.

[meloswifeyyy]

Relationship Alphabet

A - Attitude

Who often has the worst Attitude ?

Well, you obviously. Most of the time because you are hungry or you and Melo just got out of an argument. Melo usually fucks the attitude out of you anywhere, anytime tho.

B - Baby

Who wants Babies the most - first ?

Melo. He often jokes about having kids or when you are having sex he would whisper in your ear  “You trynna have my babies?” or  “You boutta have my babies ” when he nuts in you. He says that he wants 3 or more. You only want 2. You arent rushing into it.

C - Crying 

Who Cries the most in the relationship ?

You. You often cry alone when you miss Melo when he is at away games for so long. Or when your BP triggers, Melo would comfort you. When watching sad movies, or when someone you love dies. Tears of joys appear here and there. Or when you get into arguments and Melo says something wrong or disrespectful out of madness.

D - Dates 

Who has the best Date spots ?

Melo. He would often take you to fancy restaurants in L.A or Miami, or wherever you guys went. Or take you shopping at an expensive place. He would do dates at home like watching movies, have you cook dinner because he cant cook for shit, or he would have a bath waiting on you. 

E - Eat 

Who Eats the most ?   

You. You know damn well you cant survive without food. Its the 2nd best thing that has ever happened to you besides life and Melo. Cant even survive a night. If you would wake up in the middle of the night and get hungry and go to kitchen and try to sneak some food without waking Melo up, he would hear it and go to the kitchen and scare you, picking you up over his shoulder with one arm, and with the other putting the food away carrying you back to the bed because its a little to early in the morning to be eating. 

F - Freak 

Who is the Freakiest ?  

Both of you. You being the only girl that can fuck Melo like you do, and being the only girl Melo is sexually, physically, and mentally attracted to no other girl can do it like you.10/10 in bed. Now Melo on the other hand is a demon in bed. His strokes, hitting your G - Spot constantly with you feeling it in your guts. His 9 inch is almost  always on hard when he is around you. And his tongue is crazy, going in and out and on the pearl AT THE SAME TIME. Crazy right. Spelling his name out on you. He loves when you scratch his back up or give him hickeys everywhere. 10000/10. Makeup sex is the best. 

G - Games 

Who wins the most games ?  

Melo. He would always dare you to a game of Call of Duty or Fortnite to see who would win first. And he would always win. When you would play a game of Uno you would often win and he would be mad the rest of the day due to his competitiveness. But any other game he would win.

H - Happy

Who is the Happiest in the relationship ?  

Both of you. You are always happy when you guys are around each other. Even when you guys just got done arguing you are still happy that he is in your presence. Melo on the other hand is always happy with you around him, he loves to cuddle with you. Its one of his favorite thing to do. He just loves that you are in his presence. You are his other half.

I - Irreplaceable

Who is the most Irreplaceable ?  

You would say Melo but Melo would say you. Melo knows how to deal with you more than anyone else does. He knows all your spots and what you like and dont like. He notices all of your flaws and sees the good and beautiful in them. He knows your body, mind, and soul. No man has a better or brighter or bigger smile than him. He always brightens the mood. You on the other hand are different. A big beautiful smile. You know how to deal with Melo when he is sad, looses a game. You can tell when he is lying or telling the truth just by looking through his eyes. You know how to make him happy. You are the best he has ever had.

J - Jaded 

Who gets the most Jaded after doing something ?

Melo. He usually gets really bored after sitting in the house all day. He really wants to leave the house and do something fun but usually its night time and you would be taking a nap or would be sleep. 

K - Kisses

Who gives the most kisses?

Melo. He is always so clingy and that comes with all the kisses in the world. He kisses you all over your face in your sleep, even when you are sleep he gives you kisses. He loves to kiss all over your body.

L - Love

Who fell in love the fastest?

Melo. He had always had a crush on you and everyone knew you were the one for him. You just didn’t know it until you two started dating. He’s always making sure you are good. He loves your hugs. He was the first one to say “I love you”. He want kids you to have all 10 of his kids.

M - Motivation

Who gives the most motivation?

You. When melo is going to a game and is not having a good feeling about it you motivate him to push through it and win for you. 9/10 he will win or get a lot of points for you.

N - Night Owl

Who is more of a Night Owl?

Both of you. Sometimes when his ADHD is on 10 you guys stay up and listen to music, play games, go on ig live, or just fuck for 7 hours straight. Sometimes you have to tell him to got to sleep or put him to sleep (😏) because he has a game tomorrow and needs all the rest and energy he can get. It also the same for you.

O - Oral Sex

Who gives Oral Sex the most?

Melo. Trust me, you give him head a lot and it’s amazing, 10/10. But melo loves giving you head. He loves to spell his name out on you. Loves to see the faces to make you scream and shout. Loves sharing your cream with you (🥲). He loves to climb under the blanket while you are sleep for some breakfast in bed. Maybe even dinner. His lips make it even better. So glad he don’t got them white genes in his lips (😋😭).

P - Perfect

Whos perfect?

Obviously, no ones perfect but God (🙏🏾). But in your eyes no one else is better for you except melo. You couldnt imagine living life without him. Cant imagine what anyones elses kids would look like with you but. No relationship is perfect. Melo sees you as perfect. Your body. Your style. Your personality. He absolutely loves your touch. He loves touch but for you loving your touch is an understatement. He couldnt imagine his kids with anyone else but you. Cant imagine getting married with anyone else. When you guys get into arguments and sleep in seperate rooms. You barely get sleep because all you can think about is each other. How perfect you guys are for one another.

Q - Q? (Cant find a word, Tell me one and ill edit it.)

R - Relate

What traits do you guys have a like each other?

A lot. Both of your favorite food is Chicken tacos. You both love a good game of Uno. You both love sex. Duhh. Both of you guy’s love language is touch. Love playing fortnite together. Love listening to music and taking drives together. Both love lil uzi (we pretending yall💀). Just in general you guys are very alike.

S - Sex

(No question for this one lol. Y’all already know how we is round hea nahhmeannn😭)

The sex. Omgggg. The first time you and melo had sex was. So amazing. Can’t ever forget that moment. Melo is always so horny. Morning sex is the best. Sometimes a little top at the red light can turn into a few rounds in back of the McDonalds parking lot. Lucky enough all his windows tinted as hell. Or in the Victoria’s Secret fitting rooms. You guys could be listening to Chris Brown and he would really take you down, fuck you back to sleep, switch up the tempo, or make you wet the bed (i’m laughing hard ash). The hickeys. The high sex. Drunk sex (drunnnnkkk in lovvveee). Car sex. Balcony sex. All over the house sex ( i got bars.) Mad sex and Make up sex. I could go on. Sex with me so amazinggggg. (i was listening to this song while writing this one💀😫😫😫)

T - Trips

Who likes taking trips internationally?

Melo. He love to take you and a yearly or even monthly vacay. Just you and him. Turks and Caicos. Bora Bora. Jamaica. Iceland. Japan. Africa. Anywhere where you can get away from the world. The different places. The hotels. Being able to fuck anywhere and everywhere. The pools. The different air. (united states ait is so boring). The new food. The animals. You guys love the new places. He loves to see you happy and with a smile on your face.

U - U (Cant find a word, Tell me one and ill edit it.)

V - V (Cant find a word, Tell me one and ill edit it again.)

W - Right the Wrongs

Who rights their wrongs after an argument?

Usually it would be you first. If you said something that was out of pocket or melo didnt like you woukd quickly apologize. He would forgive you and still cuddle and kiss you and stuff because thats what he does. Tease you. But he would ignore you until he actually forgave you in his head. Melo would apologize and give you some bomb ass d for and apology. Or make that cute face that you can’t resist.

X - (Can’t find a word for X. Give me a suggestion and i will edit it)

Y - Young

Who acts like a Young ass child?

Both of you actually. That’s what makes you love each other the most. The laughs and jokes, the tv shows, everything you could think of. It’s nothing wrong with it at all. Y’all are always gonna bust a joke out at the right time. Maybe sometimes even the wrong time. (damn, double homicide). You guys love laughing with each other.

Z - ZZZ

Who has the worst sleeping habits?

Probably Melo. If you scooted over him even a little bit, he would probably scoot back closer to you or pull you back over to him. And the only con of that is he snores a lot. (Why this nigga snore with his mouth open?🤨💀). Sometimes if he was awake and you werent he would kiss all over you. He loves to lay on your 🍒.

Y’all welcome. I haven’t pose the one of these in a minute. This took me a whole month and a half. I’m tired as hell. 💀

[krysphycookiez]

stray kids | you as the female maknae

synopsis: you’re the female maknae of the infamous k-pop group stray kids! let’s see how you get along with these eight chaotic boys

genre: fluff, platonic, imagines

pairing: stray kids x maknae!reader

a/n: wowza another female maknae au post- yes i have an obsession with these types of writings and i have no regrets. expect a lot of these extra member au’s for boy groups and girl groups

❦

you’re his smol baby child and nothing will change his mind

chan just wants you to be happy and he’s really good at showing that, whether he makes sure you’re always healthy or just doing daily check ups on you

if you don’t end up taking care of yourself he’ll get really upset and probably give you a long lecture

one time you actually cried because of his scolding because you felt really bad and he started crying too

if he feels like there’s something up with you and you don’t open up, he usually plans with the other members to do little things to cheer you up

and those plans work all the time

he knows how much you struggle with the idol life because of his own past struggles so he empathizes with you very well

if you’re an english speaking foreigner, he’d be very chaotic with you and felix

but then it eventually just turns into chan being done with you and felix’s bullshit

nags you sometimes but he just wants you to be careful- so for the most part he just lets you be

when your time of the month comes he’s usually the best at handling the situation (jisung i’m looking at you)

he also let’s you mess around with his tracks, but he makes sure you don’t do anything stupid. as you once almost deleted a whole new track

hugs you from behind a lot to remind you that you’re loved and a precious cinnamon roll

he’s a soft leader for you and it’s just downright wholesome

ngl you had a crush on minho during trainee days, i mean- just look at him for crying out loud

that silly crush soon disappeared and now you see him as a best friend

though hyunjin knew about this past crush and obviously tattled to minho. now you’re his main target for flirting

speaking of flirting, he always tries to make you as flustered as he can cause he just loves your reactions

he also initiates a lot of skinship with you cause you’re like a small teddy bear to him, also he just likes cuddling with you in general

if you’re part of the danceracha, you and him would start a lot of weird shit with hyunjin and felix

hell even if you aren’t part of that sub-unit you still find a way to cause chaos with minho

also you ask about his cats all the time cause you love them a lot, and that just boosts his cocky attitude even more

he gets very possessive of you when it comes to your guy’s friendship

cause he’s the type to say “no one outside of stray kids is allowed to talk or even look at you”

ofc he’s joking though lmao

you two are like an old married couple. a lot of bickering goes on between the two of you and that just becomes the butt of stray kids inside jokes

and both of you are very petty with each other too. like- you know when your little sibling hits you so you hit them back? yeah that’s the two of you

overall both of you have a really strong friendship, and other people get jealous of it pretty easily, even stray kids themselves

you took felix’s spot as changbin’s favorite member overtime

he’s your number one hype boi, he always gets pumped up whenever you do something like singing or rapping cause he’s amazed by your talent

probably let’s you toy with side soundtracks so he can see your production skills

overtime you have gotten better because of him, and you’re very grateful for that

he does a lot of aegyo with you cause he just loves you so much, and he also hugs you a lot too

you tease him about this height but he reminds you that you’re shorter and this leads to bickering

also since he’s not the shortest he probably rests his elbow on your head to tick you off or to get a reaction out of you

most of the time he gets a fist to the stomach but it’s still worth it

he also makes sure you aren’t overworking yourself, even if he’s one of the more busy members

if you’re feeling down the drain he buys you some of your favorite food and snacks to cheer you up, and it works for the most part

because of the attention he gives you, felix sometimes starts petty fights with you and the other members get easily amused by this. especially changbin himself

you also just find a lot of comfort within him cause he’s really gentle with you

and because he smells good all the time too lol

changbin is an equivalent to an emotional support dog. loving and very energetic

the two of you are l o u d asf

hence why you and hyunjin aren’t allowed to share a room together anymore. you had a laptop in your shared room and you guys would watch horror movies that would scare the living shit out of y’all

hyunjin likes to take you on shopping dates so both of you can either eat something together or go on a shopping spree

and mini fashion shows start too lmao, he probably gives you like a million clothes to put on

if you’re one of the main dancers, he’s the reason why you are able to dance as well as you can today. cause you felt close to giving up but then he came in and encouraged you to keep going

during his trainee days, his fights with jisung would scare you. one day it got so bad you started crying cause you didn’t want them to hurt each other

they then realized what they did and hyunjin was the first to apologize, even buying you your favorite drink to make up for it

he tries to steal your attention from minho and that almost results in his deathbed

no one’s stopping this boy from doing anything to get your love and attention tho

whenever you guys aren’t together you text a lot, and you guys send each other cute memes in the process

you guys are just like north and south you can’t stand to be away from each other

he also loves to cuddle with you. whenever you get a nightmare you usually turn to him to sleep with so you can feel the comfort of his loving arms

the other members know about this and they get jealous of that sometimes

hyunjin sees you as the little sister he never knew he needed, and he just wants you to have the best possible life he can offer you

let’s be real here, jisung probably didn’t know how to talk to you during trainee days cause he thought you were really pretty

he’s never basked in the beauty of someone so elegant before

the only time you guys really started talking to each other was in the skz survival show, and in that span of time you two grew extremely close (and if you ended up getting eliminated he’d get really sad)

he’s scared to let you into his production studio cause he’s scared that your clumsy ass would do something, but you never really do anything

if you speak english you two probably have weird conversations in english. quoting vines and inside jokes

on break days he takes you out to get boba and just chat, and usually in the morning when it’s less busy and more peaceful

he lets you take his hoodies cause he thinks you look adorable in them, and also when you give them back to him they smell like daisies

if you get hurt in any way, shape or form he gets very upset cause he really doesn’t like seeing you in pain

one time he caught you crying to yourself because of hate comments directed towards you and his heart shattered

he actually ended up tearing up himself and offered to buy you something to make you feel better

if you’re one of the main vocalists you and him probably have high note competitions, since the two of you probably had iconic high note parts

you also pinch his cheeks a lot cause you like how he just looks like a cute squirrel

which results in him pinching you back

jisung would cherish you like treasure since you’re so valuable to him, and you’re one of the reasons he’s able to keep going in his harsh idol life

a few simple words to sum up your friendship; a cacophony of chaos and screaming

you and felix just have the weirdest but at the same time also one of the strongest friendships in stray kids

if you’re a foreigner the friendship is even stronger, cause you two can relate more easily, and ESPECIALLY if you’re an english speaking one

also if you’re australian like him, the chaos is just even worse. a bunch of australian slangs here and there as well as saying inside jokes

he definitely texts you at 3am to talk about something he thought of or just to send you stupid memes

also probably infected you with his dabbing and fortnite phase

you also probably tease him about his sexy moments on stage, like when he lifted up his shirt. which also made you want to see his abs again

to get back at you he lifted your shirt on stage in front of STAYs to show your own abs and everyone went crazy, and he ended up getting his ass kicked

you two are also like emotional support for each other

since you guys are some of the youngest and had some of the hardest times you know when somethings up, so you two just go and hug/cuddle with each other to let the other one know it’s okay

and you’ve also come up with a way to communicate with each other without the other members knowing to talk about personal things, like a secret language

and if you didn’t have supportive parents in the idol life, felix would automatically connect with you cause he went through something similar

this guy just also wants you to feel safe and loved cause he knows what it’s like to feel so alone

overall you and felix are like two peas in a pod, very alike in many ways but will turn to each other for emotional support or just to feel better

dandy boy seungmin is such a little shit around you

he always teases you and always finds a way to tick you off to see your reactions, such as playing with your hair or stealing your clothes

so you being the petty little bitch you are, you do some things that will trigger his pet peeves, like make a room dirty or not doing chores

and that’s how you developed your evil maknae side, all because of this devil puppy

but even then the bickering isn’t always that bad, that’s just how you two show your love for each other since you guys literally don’t know how to be nice to each other

unless it’s about food or games, then there’s civil acts going on

seungmin actually likes to hug you because you’re like a smol baby chick, but it never really goes further than that

INSULT BATTLES ALL THE DAMN TIME

and it’s usually seungmin who wins them, but when you do win them it’s always a very witty victory

seungmin also knows when something’s up with you. if you suddenly stop acting like a savage around him he knows something is up

so he then investigates, comforts you and caves in to take you out to the mall to make you feel better

he doesn’t think he’s helping that much when those times come to you but he actually helps a lot, cause he gives of this comforting aura that makes you feel safe

also he smells like roses too lmao

seungmin is your pretty and bitchy best friend, but at the end of the day he will always be there for you

the two of you are the; done with everyone’s shit duo, at least when the two of you aren’t causing chaos

you and jeongin are very close in age, so naturally all of the members baby you and while the attention is endearing, it can get out of hand sometimes

so the two of you team up to pull the ultimate pranks on all of the members to get back at them and record all of their reactions

of course this results in scoldings and getting chased by an angry hyunjin holding a broom but it’s still worth it

both of you also compete for who can get more attention if you aren’t getting tired of it

and this can also lead to petty bickering that the other members watch in amusement (and they probably fucking grabbed popcorn too)

jeongin has a good sense of judgement, so he knows when the mood is feeling down

and he usually drags you to the side to plan a way to cheer up the members or bring up a lighthearted mood, since he knows the two of you would make a good plan

he doesn’t really like skinship but he finds it cute when you hug him or hold his arm

and the other members get pressed about this cause you’re allowed to hold his arm but they can’t even touch him with their fingernails

both of you have definitely tried to cook together

and fail miserably, which resulted in MORE scoldings and a temporary banishment from the kitchen, but the way you guys cooked was very funny

you made him a smoothie to make up for the fact that you got him banned from the kitchen cause it was mainly your fault

jeongin would be a more chill and laid-back friend, but he’s still very caring for you and will protect you at all costs

❦

a/n: waeeeee another one done! i had a lot of fun writing this and i hope you guys enjoy it as much as i had fun writing it.

also lee felix get your sexy ass off of my twitter feed i don’t feel like simping

this is @/krysphycookiez logging off... ♡︎

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Thor’s twin

Thor Odinson x twin!reader

warnings:

a/n: HSHSHHSHSHHSHSGS

prompt: @locke-writes: “Wait Lacey I have a headcanon idea if you’re willing to write it. Headcanons for being Thor’s twin??? Idk man I feel like that could be unbridled chaos”

okay, i believe that odin and frigga refused to tell the two of you who was born first

“either one of you could earn the throne, but you need to prove that you can handle the responsibility” -odin

jokes on him, neither of you cared for the opportunity to rule

you two were much better suited as warriors

you were both able to weild mjölnir, which created...disagreements

“i should have mjölnir! i lifted it first!” -you

“only because you pushed me out of the way!” -thor

“will you two just rip each other apart already?” -loki

speaking of loki, his pranks always exhausted you

especially when you appeared to have woken up in your twin brother’s body

“wh-what is this? LOKI!!!”

he always got a kick out of it

and the celebrations of victory? they never disappointed

“brother! another victory on the battlefield, but was there any other doubt?” -you

“of course not, y/n! at this rate, i don’t think we’ll ever fall!” -thor

“don’t put your hammer where your mouth is” -you

you and thor were definitely unstoppable fighting together, both blessed to be literal gods

“eyes front, thor! the fight’s not over yet!”

when you walked beside each other, sometimes you’d summon mjölnir to your hand

it always annoyed the hell out of him

“give that back”

“i don’t think i will”

“y/n, i’m serious”

“come and get it”

“that’s it!”

*swatting and wrestling in the middle of the hallway*

sometimes frigga would even catch the two of you arguing

“oh, my children. would you quit your bickering for just one moment?” -frigga

“but mother, y/n took my hammer!” -thor

“you’ll just have to learn how to share” -frigga

as the years flew by, there was always something crazy to occupy you

especially the day that thor had been banished, which hadn’t exactly gone as planned for loki

you were supposed to be banished, as well

“i suppose the future of the throne is your responsibility now, my child” -odin

“i...i don’t know what to say” -you

“but y/n doesn’t desire the throne one bit, i would have no problem stepping up, father” -loki

“we’ll deal with this later, brother” -you

you had to plan something with sif and the warrior’s three

yes, it was treason, but your brother would always be worth it. no matter how much you two argued, he was your other half

now you found yourself on earth, it was such an odd-looking place

and then you were chased by a destroyer

“thor, you must get to safety! i will not lose you again!” -you

“hi there, i’m jane...” -jane, obviously

“hello, lady jane! i’m y/n, thor’s twin!” *blocks debris* “i must go now!”

life didnt get much more simple after that, especially since loki had died (or so you thought) and the bifrost was completely destroyed, it would take a long time to fix any of the damages that asgard suffered

mourning over loki felt right and wrong at the same time, he betrayed you and your family, but you’d never stop loving him

he would always be your brother

as time went on, you had to visit earth once again because of...loki

“i should have known” -you

“yes, you should have” -thor

“you didn’t know, either!” -you

“and they call us petty?” -any SHIELD agent or avenger

loki mocked you when he was captured

“you were nothing but loved growing up, brother. what happened?” -you

“there was a shadow cast over me, thor’s shadow. don’t tell me you haven’t noticed it, either. odin only ever truly notices him and all of his feats” -loki

“you tell nothing but lies, loki. i won’t fall for them and i will not help you. you should stop while you’re ahead”

“so you agree that i’m ahead?”

threatening loki with mjölnir

ppl actually called mjölnir “thor’s hammer”

“i think you mean our hammer” -you

the battle of new york was admittedly terrifying, you knew loki had it in him, but seeing it in the moment just hurt you

it was possible you had a guilty conscience

but the avengers saved the day (mostly) and you brought loki and the tesseract home

and loki was sentenced to an eternity in prison

“hey, thor, think i’d have a shot at lady sif?” -you teasing the hell out of him

“shut up. you won’t make me jealous no matter what you say. my heart belongs to—” -thor

“the midgardian, i know”

you did sort of make him jealous tho ngl

aaanyways you pushed him to go see jane again, it had been too long to leave a midgardian waiting. their lives were short.

and you got to see her again! unfortunately you lost your mother that same day

and you were p i s s e d

murder? murder. (murder)

you may or may not have broke into the vault to get a weapon you could truly call your own

and then went against your better judgement and took loki to off-world with you

“y/n—” -loki

“shut up” -you

but you wish you had listened to what he had to say since you had the bear the loss of loki once again

now you had two family members to avenge

speaking of avenging, you steered clear of the avengers because......they were nuts

“y/n! you know, we could use another god like yourself on our team” -tony

“thor won’t help power your building, will he?” -you

“you got me” -tony

“so, you and thor are twins? who’s older?” -steve

“we actually don’t know!” -you

“oh...neat” -steve

“you know, thor was crying the first time he tried to lift that hammer of his” -clint

“i have no doubt about that” -you

“thor always talks about fighting in wars, but he never gives us any details. has he really fought wars?” -natasha

“oh, plenty of them! my brother and i have fought side by side in countless battles, you’ve even witnessed one! in new york!” -you

“how could i forget?” -nat

okay getting past all that, you focused on getting a headstart on some more *prophetic* instances that thor caught up to you on

and once you got back to asgard, you knew there was something wrong

“are you kidding me? loki? again?” -you

“hello, sibling. it’s nice to see you again” -loki

“why are you the way that you are?” -you

“that’s enough, y/n” -thor

✨going to midgard for odin who instead gave you a homicidal sister✨

hela was not nice at all. at ALL.

your heart broke when she shattered mjölnir

and loki made a bad call to open the bifrost for the whole odinspawn family

and next thing you knew, you were on sakaar

“thor? what the hell?” -you

“y/n! oh, it’s so good to see you! help me out here, please!” -thor

“i’m sorry, brother, but me and loki have been playing the loving brother/sibling act to keep it civil. this place...it’s unlike any place we’ve ever seen. we need to be smart. and we need to get back to asgard.” -you

“yes, we do. there is no doubt in my mind that hela is destroying asgard as we speak” -thor

“right, well...i don’t think loki will be joining us because, he and, uh, the grandmaster as they call him...they sort of formed a relationship” -you

trying to break thor out of prison and oh....hulk is here? that was unexpected

“y/n! y/n, that mean girl who kidnapped me? a valkyrie. a real life valkyrie!” -thor

“what?! father told us they had all died!” -you

“i think it would be safest to disregard everything father has ever told us” -thor

“i very much like that idea” -you

kicking absolute ass on your way out

you and valkyrie teamed up, so you had to say your goodbyes to loki early on, he made it clear he wanted to stay

“you will always be my brother, loki. i wish you well on your journey to find your place in this life. and i do love you, remember that” -you, giving him a hug

“...thank you, y/n. i...me, too” -loki

yet he came back for you in the end

after thor had lost his eye, he’d unlocked his true power........not to be a sore winner, but you’d unlocked yours first while he was on earth

but you two together? that should have been unstoppable

yet you weren’t

“what the hel? she should be dead!” -you

“we need to go” -valkyrie

“wait, i have one more idea” -thor

and that idea was the idea that ended asgard

but you’d create a new asgard

but then half of asgard was murdered by thanos! and you and thor were stranded in space! and loki actually died! and you were saved by space pirates! and were flirted with by half of their crew!

“thor, you need to see dmitri, you need a new weapon if we’re going to finish off thanos” -you

okay, well you and the “guardians of the galaxy” went after infinity stones instead, you knew that one day you’d have to

running into tony stark in space?????

“y/n? what are you doing here?” -tony

“i’m here to kill thanos, what are you doing here, stark? who are these two?” -you

“hi, i’m peter! that’s mister—doctor strange” -peter

everyone turned to dust after thanos escaped and you, tony, and nebula went to star-lord’s ship

and were saved by captain marvel

and reunited with thor

“y/n, by odin’s beard, i thought i had lost you” -thor

“it’s alright, i’m here now” -you

starting up new asgard and watching your brother fall into a depression that caused you to do most of the heavy lifting in this new kingdom

“are you still playing fortnite, brother? it’s five in the morning” -you

“can you pass...” *belch* “just pass me another beer” -thor

and after 5 years, you got to go back to asgard? but asgard from 10 years prior

“mother...” -you

“y/n, we have a mission” -rocket

“i know, i know...where’s thor?” -you

running into your mother while getting thor

“hello, mother. i...yes, hello” -you

“hello, my child. i hope that the future is treating you well” -frigga

“it isn’t, but thank you, mother. i love you” -you

and then you were back on earth and had to comfort thor, who was self-loathing again

but the work had been restored by a simple snap!

and you and thor were able to fight a real fight once more, summoning mjölnir again was invigorating

and there was some kind of bittersweet win here, one i’ve covered plenty of times

“it was fitting for such a great battle to be our final one for now” -thor

“you’re leaving?” -you

“i am, but i trust you’ll take care of our people like you always do. i will see you again, dear sibling. one day” -thor

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedficrecs // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @thisetaernallove // @ofthedewthesunlight // @canarypoint // @zoeyserpentluck //

[agentnico]

Free Guy (2021) Review

“Don’t have a good day, have a great day!”

Plot: When a bank teller discovers he's actually a background player in a brutal open-world video game, he decides to become the hero of his own story - one that he can rewrite himself. In a world where there's no limits, he's determined to save the day his way before it's too late, and maybe find a little romance with the coder who conceived him.

Last time I watched such a hyper-actively positive film I was seeing little LEGO figures jumping about on screen with Morgan Freeman hanging off a string in ghost form. Yes, The LEGO Movie shares a lot in common with Free Guy, not just in its opening sequence where Ryan Reynolds’s loveable Guy is starting off a perfectly good day every day with a nice cup of coffee and wishing everyone not a good, but a great day, goes to the job at his bank and goes back home, and rinse and repeat. But the character of Guy himself is basically Chris Pratt’s Emmett from The LEGO Movie - full of sunshine and innocence and taking everything that comes with child-like excitement and energy. You can also treat Mariah Carey’s “Fantasy” song usage here like “Everything is Awesome” with how many times its played, but damn if it isn’t catchy! And the film comparisons don’t end there. You wouldn’t be faulted for seeing references to Ready Player One with all the cameos and Easter Eggs and pop culture references thrown in the mix, to The Truman Show based on the general concept and obviously certain video games such as Grand Theft Auto, Saints Row and even Sims due to the video game open world that the movie creates. 

Speaking of the video game open world that is created, you could tell director Shawn Levy and the producers went through a lot of effort to research modern video games and all the tiny little details and quirks that exist. For example it was a lot of fun seeing characters tea-bag someone they just killed to then a character glitching out and jumping into the wall repetitively or the obvious inclusion of Fortnite inspired dance jiggles. You also get cameos from various real-life game streamers such as Jacksepticeye and DanTDM, and I found an interview on IGN where those guys spoke about in regards to how Hollywood can never seem to get video-game-to-film adaptations right, and how they appreciated that the producers of Free Guy went to them and asked questions and actually showed interest in wanting to create a realistic feeling video game in the movie and getting the terminology right. Evidently unlike other video game adaptations Free Guy manages to succeed from the fact that it doesn’t need to replicate a specific game from real life. There are nods to certain games as I aforementioned, but otherwise they’ve created their own entire game and as such there is no expectation to impress a certain individual fan base. So in conclusion what I’m saying is that I guess Hollywood should stop trying to adapt film versions of popular video game franchises and instead do their own original stuff maybe? Then again I do want to see that Ghost of Tsushima adaptation come to life, so yes, I’ll just go and kindly shut myself up.

Taking the video game matter aside for the time being, I found Free Guy to be an absolute delight from start to finish. Well, to be exact from 20 minutes from the start to finish. Honestly when the film began I was concerned if the movie was going to turn out to be the typical “I live in a simulation” story, and though as a basis it is exactly that, there’s so much goodness thrown into the mix with funny jokes to the cameos (the cameos are to die for!) to the visuals to the music choices to the performances - the movie is such a joy to watch. Speaking of the cameos and pop culture references, Free Guy is also an interesting film outside of its narrative. This movie was in production during the time the studio that was behind it - 20th Century Fox - was being sold to a certain little known company called Disney. As such, you can tell after the studio’s transfer to Disney was complete, this film underwent some additional reshoots and last minute changes, mainly in the finale because there are certain surprises at the end of the movie that will be a geek/nerd’s wet dream and were only made possible after Disney’s acquisition of 20th Century Fox, now known as 20th Century Studios. Personally I still have my qualms about Disney being the massive conglomerate business giant that is buying out all the other studios, but not going to lie even I got excited and jumped up like a kid in my cinema seat when a certain something happened at the end of this movie. Luckily only my lovely fiancée saw me like this as she was sitting next to me, and yes, I’m certain that me revealing my true nerd colours definitely lost me some attraction points from her, but nevertheless I don’t care, the Easter Eggs at the end of this movie are real fun!

The entire cast is top notch here. Ryan Reynolds does his usual shtick that he’s been doing ever since he found success with Deadpool, however naturally here he’s kept PG-13 and not swearing every other breath. That being said, his charm and sarcastic charisma really worked for the role of Guy, and he presented himself as really loveable and naïve and it was impossible not to like him in this film. Jodie Comer in her role has also been getting humongous praise from critics and reviewers alike, and yes, the rumours are true, she shares great on screen chemistry with Ryan Reynolds and also is proper cool and badass as to be expected. That being said I was told by a certain someone that they know someone who knows someone who knew someone who spoke to someone who said that they worked with Jodie Comer on the set of Killing Eve, and this was just some behind-the-scenes worker, and apparently in their experience they found Comer to be a real diva and challenge to work with. So that’s now me here spreading some gossip for no apparent reason besides causing a little stir and now I can move on. Joe Keery has a much bigger role in this film that the trailers made it seem, and I must say the lad has really been doing well for himself ever since his appearance in Stranger Things. Whenever I’ve see him in anything since such as Spree or Death to 2020 he’s always been wonderful to watch. Here in Free Guy he’s no different, getting to play a character who at first comes off as a villain but then is revealed to simply be a guy working for the wrong person. Speaking of that wrong person, the villain of the movie is played by none other than actor-director Taika Waititi himself, and his role is really interesting seeing as he plays the owner of this big video game business company who only cares about money and sequels over art, which I found quite ironic seeing as this movie is distributed by Disney that’s all about sequels, remakes and reboots. Just saying. Also found it funny how even though this movie marks a little reunion of sorts for Ryan Reynolds and Taika Waititi, they don’t share any scenes together which was probably for the best, as last time they worked together Green Lantern occurred. Anyway, Taika is as goofy and over-the-top as you expect him to be, and I can see him being very divisive. You’ll either find him hilarious or super annoying. However both opinions would work seeing as he’s the villain.

Free Guy is an absolute cuddly crowd-pleaser full of casual mayhem and crazy ideas, and is sure to be a welcome boost of fun in a summer that naturally lacked bigger blockbusters due to what’s happening in the world right now. However nonetheless, this and The Suicide Squad have really made a point that cinema is back, hopefully to stay.

Overall score: 9/10

[luminous-shifting-vibes]

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

[rina-writes]

Sharing

Summary:  Grayson sees Ethan’s girlfriend, Y/N, out with another man, but when he tells Ethan, he learns that his twin’s relationship isn’t what meets the eye.

Warnings: Mentions of sex, a little angsty

“Ay yo, E!” Grayson yelled from the kitchen.  He glanced at Ryan who looked at him helplessly.  “Maybe you should go.” Grayson said in a softer voice to Ryan.  “I think I want to tell him alone.”

“Yeah,” Ryan nodded sadly.  “Yeah that makes sense.  Let me know, okay?”

He claps Grayson on the back before going out the side door.  Grayson took a deep breath as he held the edge of the kitchen table so tightly that his knuckles turned white.  He heard Ethan coming and he took a sharp breath.  God, he needed his inhaler. This was the hardest thing he was going to have to do in awhile and he felt his throat closing up as a response.

“You alright, Gray?” Ethan asked, running over to his brother.  “Do you need your inhaler? You’re wheezing.”

Grayson nodded and Ethan ran to their (currently shared) room to retrieve his twin’s inhaler.  He handed it to Grayson and watched as the life seemed to flow through him again. 

“For a second, you were so pale we actually looked like twins again.” Ethan joked.

“God,” Grayson shook his head sputtering a laugh.  “Now, all I need is playing Fortnite for 12 hours straight every day in order to be as pasty as Casper over here.”

Grayson smirked and Ethan returned it.

“So,” Ethan jumped up on one of the chairs by the counter.  “What’s up?”

“Yeah...” Grayson’s voice trailed off for a moment.  His chest was contracting again and he clutched his inhaler.  This time, he knew it wasn’t asthma, it was fear.  He had seen Ethan hurt before and he didn’t want to see it again.  While Grayson knew it wasn’t his fault, he still felt guilty for causing his brother pain.

“Bro...” Ethan met Grayson’s matching hazel eyes with his own.  “You’re scaring me, what’s up?”

“I saw Y/N today...” Grayson said, his heart clenching when a smile immediately tugged at Ethan’s lips at the sound of your name.

“Yeah?” Ethan smirked.  “She didn’t leave here too long ago. Surprised you didn’t ask why I am up so early.”

“Ethan, it’s 11am.” Grayson glared.  “That’s not early.”

“Early for me.” Ethan winked.  “Well if that’s all, I’m going to make some breakfast...”

Ethan hopped off the stool and walked toward the cupboard to pull out a cutting board.

“She was with a guy, Ethan.” Grayson said, making Ethan freeze.  Ethan didn’t turn around and Grayson sighed as he continued speaking. His hands outstretched as he gestured while he spoke. “They were holding hands and kissing and stuff.  I’m pretty sure they’re together.  Ryan was with me and I’m sure it was her.”

“Xander?” Ethan said, his voice cracking a bit.  He cleared his throat and went back to preparing his avocado toast.  He was in the process of pulling out a knife to cut the avocado.

“What?” Grayson asked, coming around the kitchen table to stand closer to Ethan. 

“Was it Xander?” Ethan asked, his voice returning to it’s normal, casual pitch.

“How would I know?” Grayson asked.  “I didn’t go up and interview the guy.”

“Tall, slim guy with dark hair and hipster glasses?” Ethan asked, gesturing on his body as he described Xander’s features.  “Looks like he should be the keyboardist of a boy band?”

“Yeah, kinda...I guess?” Grayson shook his head.  “Wait you know this guy?”

“Uh huh...” Ethan said, trying to make it sound like a normal experience.  “I mean it sounds like it was a date so it had to be him.  She only goes out with him.  That’s Y/N’s husband after all.

Grayson took two pumps of his inhaler as he gripped the counter for balance.  “Her WHAT?” Grayson yelled.

“Inside voice, Gray.” Ethan admonished his brother as he scooped out the avocado.

Grayson wasn’t sure to be angry or depressed at how Ethan continued to make his breakfast as if this was a completely normal conversation.

“You’re the other man?” Grayson asked.

“Eh, not exactly.” Ethan danced his head from side to side. “Xander and I know of each other’s existence.  They are kinda in an open relationship.”

“Kinda?” Grayson asked. “Isn’t that usually pretty explicit?”

“Well, Xander isn’t interested in dating anyone.  You see, they were high school sweethearts.” Ethan explained. “They were each other’s first.  They waited for marriage and everything.  Turns out, Xander wasn’t a huge fan of sex, but Y/N was.  At first, it was fine.  They didn’t want kids and Y/N bought a bunch of toys and whatnot to play with herself. After long discussions about their needs, Xander told her that she should find a sexual partner who would do all the sexual stuff that he wasn’t into. Y/N felt guilty about it so she promised to only keep it about sex.”

“And how do you get involved?” Grayson asked.  “You met her like three months ago.”

“Yeah, well once I broke up with---”

“The one who shall not be named.” Grayson chimed in.

“Right,” Ethan smiled softly.  “I was at a low point.  I didn’t want to do the relationship thing for awhile, so I decided the hook up thing would be good.  However, Tinder was too risky. Setting up an account is easy.  We can use our real pics and everyone thinks you’re fake.  But, once they show up and they realize it’s you, it’s all over. So, I chose a site made for people who want to lay low and keep it casual.”

“Basically a cheating husband site.” Grayson nodded.  “So, you’re the f-ck boy now.”

“My story...no more cut ins.” Ethan reminded Grayson to which Grayson put both his hands up in defense.  “So, anyway, I saw Y/N’s story on the site.  She was so innocent looking.  She was wearing a little lavender baby doll and she looked nervous as she tried to look sexy.  You could see Xander’s freaking shadow in the picture.  She was a little older than us and I dunno, it just felt right.  So, I invited her over. It was easy. She didn’t even recognize me from YouTube. We just have sex appointments.”

Grayson narrowed his eyes. “Ethan...I’m your brother.  Your twin brother...”  

“You are...” Ethan confirmed, sarcastically.

“I know that it’s not just about sex.” Grayson shook his head.  “She doesn’t know because she’s only slept with two people in her life.  She doesn’t know that making someone breakfast in bed...” 

Grayson gestured at the dirty plates in the sink, “...sending them flowers and expensive lingerie on the SHARED account with your twin, and lighting up when you hear their name, isn’t a sex thing.  What Y/N doesn’t know is that two people she’s had sex with in her life, are both in love with her.”

For the first time since the conversation started, Ethan’s process of making toast halted.  

“I don’t love her.” Ethan said, his voice deep and dark.  “I can’t love her.”

“Those are different things, E.” Grayson said, his voice getting soft.  He reached over to touch Ethan, but Ethan shoved him away.

“I promised Xander. I promised Y/N.” Ethan’s voice cracked.  “I wouldn’t make things complicated for them.”

“You’re human, E.” Grayson said, reaching out to hug his brother, this time his hug accepted.  “Despite what people say, it’s hard to be balls deep in someone and not care about them.”

“She such a good f-ck too, Gray.” Ethan groaned into his brother’s shoulder. “She learns so quickly and is eager to please.  She’s also sensitive as hell and...”

“No more details, thanks.” Grayson said, breaking the hug with an eye roll.

Ethan pulled away to reveal misty eyes.  “It’s only been three months. I think...I think I can forget this crush.”

“Not with your sex appointments!” Grayson argued, making air quotes around “sex appointments”.  “You have to get out now before you’re in too deep.”

Ethan scoffed. “I think it’s too late for that. It’s fine I can share.”

“Once again! I’m you’re twin brother, I know you can’t share.” Grayson rolled his eyes at Ethan.

“Yes, I can!” Ethan argued. “You’re literally bigger than me because I share too much.  Can’t I get the bigger share for once in my life and mess around with a beautiful girl with no strings attached?”

A silence enveloped them as Grayson met Ethan’s eyes intensely.

“Do you really think that’s the bigger share?” Grayson asked.

“No,” Ethan shook his head, taking his toast out of the toaster and smearing avocado on it. “But, that’s what I’ve always told myself. Why should anything change now?”

What could Grayson say to that? Nothing, so they sat there in silence while Ethan made his avocado toast and Grayson made a protein shake.  The silence was eventually filled with nonsense conversation, anything to pretend that their conversation never happened.

“I just want you to be happy, E.” Grayson said, suddenly referring to their previous conversation. 

“Me too.” Ethan smiled, trying to stop the tears from falling.

That’s what you said to him this morning before you left and he whispered I love you as you walked through the door.

[kvngjoong]

felix + nsfw a-z

im sorry about this??? Idk when i started writing this but it took a weird turn. @ felix, if you do watch fortnite porn, no one here is going to judge you sweetie.

A: Aftercare

he’s a softie, and he needs taking care of. though he may present himself as tough, and he’s always one to fight your battles for you, when it comes to aftercare with felix he wants to get a little bit of tlc and needs you to be the one who’s doting over him. he wants you to calling good boy and stroke his hair, he wants you to hold him close to you and remind him how much you love him. take good care of him, please

B: Body part

he either lips your waist or your hips, he’s not quite sure yet, he likes the way you move your hips and have him hooked so easily, he also likes when you put his hands on your waist when you ride him and he accidentally leaves tiny bruise marks in you. as for him, he surprisingly likes the way he’s so small and you can treat him like a true baby boy. he doesn’t really have a favourite for himself but it’s definitely got something to do with the contrast between how he seems and how he actually is

C: Cum

he cums a surprising amount, like an unexpected amount, and he somehow gets it everywhere unless it’s in you. saying that, you’ll still get it in your hair if you’re sucking him off, and it will still be on he bed and your hands and… it just gets messy. is this a sub thing? it’s definitely a felix thing

D: Dirty Secret

felix tried to keep this a secret for so long, he really did. you’d put his lack of a defence when others (especially jisung and hyunjin) would subtly flirt with you and you’d flirt back to see his reaction, down to the fact he was pretty laid back and didn’t care too much for the possibility of you cheating on him (cause he knows you wouldn’t, duh). as it turns out, felix enjoys watching you flirt with others and would probably enjoy watching another guy fuck you. he feels bad admitting to it, probably because he’s worried he’ll be judged, but damn if jisung wants to see how good you are with your mouth he just had to ask and felix would arrange it...

E: Experience

they feed the australian boys a whole other kinda thing, so none, but damn would you think so. watches fortnite porn. probably doesn’t know where to find ur clit. but you can teach him. you will show him everything he needs to know and he will listen obediently, cause he’s a good student and wants to please you

F: Favourite Position

literally anything. he doesn’t care. as long as you’re there and the end result is you cumming, him cumming, it’s all good. he knows some positions are better for different things, like when you’re tryna be intimate he’ll prefer missionary, but in general they’re all pretty good. you know what you’re doing and each one pleases him, so why judge?

G: Goofy

a little. he doesn’t really have a ‘sub space’ but he’s just naturally on the submissive side, so his humour and personality doesn’t really change too much when you guys are doing nsfw things. he may be quick to make a joke at a given opportunity, but he won’t be trying to change the mood completely - that would be a bit weird

H: Hair

yeah a little. not very much. he seems a bit on the smooth side but what of it he has, he does groom and keep in check. unlike his cum, it’s not messy

I: Intimacy

like he’s not 100% goofy, he’s not 100% intimate. if it’s there and the time is right for you to be intimate then he’s all down for it, but if it’s not intimate and you’re literally just doing it cause he got a boner and you’re tryna help out, he’s not gonna be ott on the intimacy. he keeps it real

J: Jack Off

not that much, he saves it for you. he’s frequent to the trope of ‘i’m horny but they’re gonna be home soon, whatever should i do’ and will time it perfectly for you to walk in on him when he’s about to cum, just so you can help him! what a clever boy. he’s a power bottom that doesn’t really have much power apart from in his brain (he’s an intellectual, unlike the rest of us)

K: Kink

so the cuckold stuff was hinted at already, and so was the sub stuff. he’s a bit of a typical sub blond, you know, the whole ‘i wanna please you so badly please let me touch you so i can get you off’ kind thing, he’s literally desperate to please you. he would probably like threesomes/moresomes, but mostly threesomes. he’s not really that kinky tbh. he likes roleplay a bit too much, but that’s how things get a bit kinkier. his fave is when he gets a full manual exam from you, the overly enthusiastic medical examiner

L: Location

anywhere tbh. if you’re there, and he’s there, there’s no problem. shower, kitchen, bedroom. they’re all rooms, you know. so it doesn’t bother him. he’s not too worried about getting caught so there’s not much stopping him, unless you are

M: Motivation

he likes it when you look a little darker than him. not full goth or anything, but he loves dark colours/black on you - anything dark. that’s not just underwear, though. literally black jeans and a black leather jacket could have him breathing a little heavier than usual and him getting touchier than he usually is. oh, there's the flirting with other guys, not that you know that much about it

N: NO

he doesn’t like being teased really. it’s not the best thing for him, and in return he won’t tease you either. so it’s a win win, really. the only person missing out is you when you wanna take things slow but felix just wants to cum. other than that, there’s not much! he’ll explore his hard limits with you

O: Oral

he prefers receiving for one reason: he’s got a bit of an insecurity about giving oral. he is still a shy baby boy who is always worried he’s not enough for you. he really thinks that he doesn’t do well enough so shies away from it. at first you think he’s making it up but after a few conversations it’s obvious that his fear is real and you decide to give him a masterclass in giving, specifically tailored to you

P: Pace

felix is on the slower side, but gets quicker with time. he starts slowly, savouring the moment as he can, but that’s soon forgotten and the one thing he wants to do is cum, same with you. it’s a bit of a mess, but it’s worth it. but technically you tip, so you can decide what the pace is, really

Q: Quickie

not really. felix will have a few quickies in his time but they’re not really worth it. not unless you’re wearing like… a black silk dress and military boots and your make up is really dark and he really can’t keep his hands off you. but even then he’d just leave early. so he avoids them unless they’re necessary, or you’re asking for them

R: Risk

he doesn’t really see much of a risk in anything. he’s a bit carefree and the whole prospect of getting caught so just rolls with it. so to him risk play doesn’t really exist

S: Stamina

since there’s not much teasing, felix can go on for ages. doesn’t mean he will, not unless you wanna, but he can keep going until you really, really can’t keep up with him

T: Toy

you can pick, he’s down either way. maybe shake it up, sometimes use toys and sometimes don’t. have him wondering each time. but don’t tease him, use it to make things more intense

U: Unfair

like before, he doesn’t really like teasing at all so he’s not gonna enjoy this element of things. you can try it but he’ll not be into it. not unless it’s part of whatever role play you’re doing. he just doesn’t seem like a guy who wants to be teased or likes to tease

V: Volume

he… he is loud. but just imagine his really deep voice as he gets closer and closer to cumming and he gets louder but somehow he gets deeper and he has his hands in your hair as you deepthroat him and… i gotta step there. he’s loud, he moans and he groans, and it’s always husky and enough to make you stop and stare for a few seconds to remember what you were doing

W: Wild Card

there was one time when you guys were a bit drunk after a birthday or something and felix practically begged you for sex. it was great sex, no lie, but it wasn’t until the next morning when you woke up in an unfamiliar room, an even more unfamiliar bed, that you realised what you had done. luckily it wasn’t jisung’s bed or the kid would have found so much pleasure in mocking you both for that. not that minho was best pleased

X: X-Ray

yeah, he’s on the smaller side. mostly because he’s tiny in general, but it’s nothing to be disappointed with

Y: Yearning

nah, not too much. felix isn’t that needy unless he’s already in the act and he’s desperate to please you. after he’s been away from you for a while though, he will start to miss you quite a bit. he’ll be the one who lusts after you each day until you see him again, and when he finally does see you he is ready to give you absolutely everything

Z: ZZZ

he sleeps after, usually be accident. he likes cuddling afterwards and tries to act like he’s paying attention to what you’re saying but a few minutes of you talking and he’s out like a light. take it as a complement, he really likes your voice and it soothes him

[cakesunflower]

No Need Convincing Me [Tattoo Artist!Calum AU] Part 5

Summary: Elodie Banks hadn’t expected to get so caught up in her best friend’s tattoo artist. But all it took was one meeting with Calum Hood for Elodie to feel herself drawing towards him and the ink on his skin. Maybe once she was rid of a miserable relationship and the insecurities that came with it, she’d allow herself to realize that Calum was just as wrapped up in her.

A/N: i’m not entirely satisfied with the end but like. i just needed it to be done. i definitely finished writing this in my medieval lit class while my professor talked about Chaucer bc fuck Chaucer he’s a lil bitch. ANYWAYS. happy reading!!!!

All Parts: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 6

Part 5

“Come on, man, it’s not that hard once you get the hang of it.”

Calum rolled his eyes as he and Michael crossed the street, giving a shake of his head. “Luke likes to play, just ask him.”

Michael let out a scoff, as if Calum’s suggestion was completely unsound. He sniffed, the cold late afternoon air hitting his face as they walked. “Luke dies in, like, the first minute. It’s pretty fucking pathetic,” he added with a patronizing snicker towards his best friend.

Calum huffed out a laugh, hands shoved in the pockets of his leather jacket. He almost regretted not wearing his hoodie underneath, remaining in just a shirt, as the cold weather chilled his body, the chain necklace he wore feeling like ice on his skin in addition to the breeze. He and Michael walked side by side, only stepping apart as a family shuffled past right between them before falling into step with one another as Calum said, “I’m down to play any other game with you except Fortnite. Or that weird card game.”

Throwing his head back to let out a pretty dramatic groan, earring dangling and hand flying up to the top of his head to keep his hat in place, Michael complained, “Magic: The Gathering isn’t a weird card game if you just gave it a shot!”

Calum merely smirked lazily, figuring that one day he’d give into Michael’s request and play the card game. For now he’d just let Michael sweat it out. So Calum shot his friend a look and challenged, “I’ll play the damn game when you decide to start filling in your bands—you work at a tattoo shop, for fuck’s sake.” Michael sputtered, glancing down at his tattooed arm, forgetting in that moment that he had a sweatshirt on. Calum shook his head in exaggerated disappointment. “There’s no reason you shouldn’t—”

He cut off right as a store door opened in his path—where was the sidewalk store etiquette of having doors open into the store?—and Calum wondered if this was some kind of universal joke as Nathan, of all of the people in this populated city, strolled out. He paused, green eyes meeting Calum’s dark brown as he fixed his damn cuff links, lips curling automatically into a sneer as he took in the sight of Calum.

And Calum couldn’t help it, he stopped as well—mostly because he had to as a way of avoiding getting hit by the door—and let out an unamused breath through his nose as he realized they were in front of the high tux shop a couple of blocks from their parlor, before his gaze returned to Nathan. He looked just as crisp and clean cut as usual as Calum eyed him, expression bemused and the corner of his lips just barely lifting into a condescending smirk. His unimpressed stare remained on Nathan while he drawled to Michael, “This fuckin’ guy.”

He heard Michael let out a displeased scoff of his own while Nathan merely smirked as he mused, “Tell me—is the tattoo profession truly that slow since you and your employee here can afford walking around the city during business hours? Seems like I only ever see you out of your shop, pal.”

Nathan was obviously goading him, or at least trying to, a not-so-subtle dig at Calum’s choice of career. Not that Nathan trying to paint himself as the more successful of them had any effect on Calum; the tattoo artist knew his business was doing better than great, and he was pretty damn happy and content with his life. Nothing a bitter, petty, and asshole of a man could say would make any of that less true.

“Funny, I was just gonna say I’ve been seein’ a bit too much of you,” Calum responded, his tone flat and sounding just as uninterested as he was.

It was also meant to be the last thing Calum was going to say to Nathan, exchanging a bored look with Michael just as the words left his lips before the two of them went to side step him and continued on their way. They were just about to merge back into the sidewalk traffic when Nathan spoke up once more, “That’ll happen if you glue yourself to Elodie. How much longer are you planning on doing that, by the way? Being so codependent isn’t healthy, you know.”

A soft yet disbelieving breath escaped Calum’s lips at Nathan’s words, eyes rolling skywards as he wondered if the mad bastard really just uttered that statement. Calum would’ve laughed at Nathan’s hypocricy in regards to healthy relationships—who the fuck was he, of all people, to try and give advice on those?—if it weren’t for the irritation so quickly beginning to burn his blood. Was this guy really so blind to think that what he did to Elodie was normal? It concerned Calum if that was true; the reminder of what she had to endure in a relationship with someone like Nathan twisted Calum’s stomach in uneasy anger. No one deserved to be treated the way Nathan treated Elodie, and knowing that someone Calum was so quickly coming to care about had to go through that only further pissed him off. And to think that Nathan thought that Calum being with Elodie was something that had an expiration date on it, he was sorely mistaken. Calum didn’t plan on it, and he could only hope, though he may kind of know, that Elodie didn’t, either.

Calum could’ve easily been the bigger man and continued walking, ignoring Nathan and his taunts that didn’t effect Calum. But he also didn’t want Nathan walking away thinking his behavior and words were so easily done without him being put in his place. Calum wasn’t too keen on being given the responsibility of being the one to do so, but then Elodie’s face flashed in his mind; her brown eyes and soft hair and gentle smile and the kind tone she spoke in, and Calum didn’t mind anymore. He found himself realizing, as a smile threatened to quirk at his lips for no reason other than just thinking about Elodie, that he’d probably do anything for her already. He was fine with that.

Calum and Elodie weren’t codependent, not by a long shot; they were just getting to know each other, a journey they were both enjoying and didn’t want to end. So he wasn’t even going to acknowledge that part of Nathan’s empty taunt. Instead, he just turned around, catching Michael’s semi-amused huff, and tilted his chin at Nathan. “At least I’m not a controlling bastard like you.” With a cock of his head, Calum pushed smugly, “Isn’t that why your unhealthy relationship died?” Calum clicked his tongue in mock empathy. “Must be shit to not have control over someone and lose ’em.”

He saw the effect his words had on Nathan, who had proven to not being as good as Calum in keeping himself in check, as the snide smirk on his lips dissipated as his jaw clenched and gaze hardened, lips twitching into a frown he couldn’t contain. Even so, Calum couldn’t tell if Nathan was more bothered by the comment of him being controlling, or the reminder that Elodie ended their relationship.

Instead of lashing out, Nathan took a step towards Calum, a single click of the heel of his fancy ass dress shoes as Calum felt Michael tense up ever so slightly. But Nathan’s gaze remained on Calum, who kept his gaze on him evenly. Nathan’s green eyes were brimming with a familiar fire and his teeth gritted as he threatened in a low, taut tone, “She’s never going to love someone like you.”

It was almost amusing how Nathan thought that was for him to decide. Calum cared for no one’s opinion but Elodie’s, and he wasn’t going to let a selfish, bitter ex of hers influence his thoughts. Love was some ways away for now—but with Elodie, Calum had a feeling he was on the track, given just how fast and quickly he fell for her. And, shit, did he revel in it. So Calum’s dark eyes narrowed slightly but remained on Nathan’s green, hands that were still in the pockets of his leather jacket forming into tight fists as he returned assertively, just a hint of ridicule, “Are you speaking from experience?”

He was well aware that his words were fuel to an already brimming fire, and Calum picked up on the instant shift of Nathan’s expression, saw the severe temper Calum provoked darken his green eyes and the twitch of his lips threatening into a snarl. But Calum was unapologetic, didn’t care that he was reminding the bastard of how shitty his relationship was despite whatever delusion he’d put himself into. Calum was still unapologetic when Nathan pulled back his hand in one second and slammed the knuckles of his fist into the bone of Calum’s cheek.

There was an instant numbing sting that settled in Calum’s face, forced to stumble only a single step back from the force Nathan put behind the punch. Calum was more surprised by the power behind the hit than the actual hit itself, head turning by the punch as it shocked through his face. He was only barely aware of Michael’s protesting shout, didn’t care for the fact that they were on the sidewalk and a few people had looked over upon the violent action. All Calum could focus on was the sting on one side of his face, his own fury thrumming to life as he clenched his jaw, the action only causing a newfound ache, facing the right as his head had turned upon the punch. There were a couple of middle aged women who’d saw what just happened, completely forgetting that they were going to cross the street and instead watching with wide, incredulous eyes.

Calum’s lips parted, slowly dragging his gaze back to Nathan as he licked the inside of his lower lip in provoked acceptance that this was how it was going to be. He almost smirked when Nathan followed his actions with words unsteady because of barely contained anger, “She was lucky to have me. Now she’ll just go back to being absolutely nothing.”

Almost.

But then Nathan had to bring Elodie’s worth into it, something Calum understood neither he nor Nathan could live up to, and any pain of his cheek disappeared as Calum decided, in that split second, to not hold back.

There was no hope for Calum to remain unaffected by Nathan’s jeer, or his presumptuous attitude of being someone who made Elodie anything but unjustifiably insecure and timid, and he ignored Michael’s attempts of pulling him away. Calum felt his muscles tighten as his fingers curled into a fist, his blunt nails digging into his palms, lips curving into an animalistic snarl as he swung his own fist forward.

The first thing Calum noticed was the sharp pain in his fingers as his knuckles dug right into Nathan’s nose because he’d definitely broken it. The second thing Calum noticed was Michael’s startled, “Jesus, fuck!”. And the third thing Calum noticed as Nathan stumbled backwards, much more than Calum had, and Calum’s hand uncurled was the bit of blood that was now tainting his fingers and rings.

Nathan ended up on the ground, a shout of pain escaping him as he brought his hands up to his face, the crimson color painting his skin and dripping right down to stain his probably expensive suit. Calum stood over him, looking down at the bleeding man as his hand hung beside him, the adrenaline pumping through his veins fueled by a wrath he hadn’t known himself capable of numbing him to the pain he was probably going to feel soon in both his face and hand.

But he was aware of the eyes that were watching them, people minding their own business but observing the scene that had just unfolded, yet Calum kept his fiery gaze on Nathan, feeling Michael’s hand on his shoulder. Not an ounce of regret tainted Calum, the beat of his heart only racing due to the adrenaline stemming from the anger Nathan’s words brought. Calum’s jaw clenched, vaguely aware of the sting on his cheek because of the action, but he didn’t care. No fucking way was he going to let this bastard say shit about Elodie and allow him to walk away without repercussions.

“You fuck—” Nathan sputtered through a thick voice, words muffled and disgruntled by his hands holding his nose and the blood that was pouring from it, his eyes widened in pain and incredulity and infuriation as he looked up at them. Calum felt a swell of satisfaction at the sight of him; on his ass on the sidewalk, expensive looking suit getting stained with blood, and not at all looking as put together as he’d like to. “You broke my fucking nose!”

Calum briefly raised his eyebrows, features set and hardened, hyper aware of the warm blood on his own skin. “It was either that or your arm,” he responded briskly, reminding Nathan of his promise from Dominique’s birthday party, to which the fallen man sputtered out something incoherent. “I would’ve preferred both.”

Nathan pushed himself up, a smear of blood on the pavement as he used one hand to get to his feet. His other hand remained on his nose, the crimson blood visible through his fingers, and blonde hair disheveled from the fall. Green eyes enraged, Nathan demanded, “You think you can get away with putting your han—”

“It was self defense, asshole,” Michael spoke up, his own voice tight once he’d gotten over his brief surprise of how quickly things had escalated. “You punched him first and there are loads of witnesses to attest to that. Fucking try.”

Calum pressed the tip of his tongue against the back of his lower teeth, forcefully as he fought the sneer from curling at his lips again, feeling the muscles in his face subtly twitch in protest. This guy—this motherfucker who hurt Elodie with his words and treatment—deserved any kind of pain Calum may have just inflicted upon him. He deserved to feel any semblance of an ache like he caused Elodie, and Calum was more than willing to be the physical enforcer of it. He was proud of her for sticking up for herself, for getting herself out of the situation, but that didn’t mean Calum couldn’t offer his services.

Sure, he’d known her only for a short time but, shit, he’d do it for her.

Nathan fumbled incoherently once more, stupidly, trying and failing to find words to defend himself, to find the kind of words he’d utter to hurt Elodie and throw them in Calum’s face. Hell, if Nathan even tried, he was a bigger idiot than Calum already thought of him as.

So he left him with a simple and honest warning in a tone that left no room for niceties. “You try to talk shit ’bout Elodie again, and I’ll take a couple-a-teeth out, too.”

*****

The second the door to Calum’s apartment swung open, Elodie’s instinctual reaction was to look down at his dominant hand to visually inspect it. The air had rushed out of her lungs the second she’d received Dominique’s text earlier, praising Calum for punching Nathan so hard that he broke his nose, which was the first time Elodie had even heard about the incident. She’d been in her three hour film lecture, only receiving the texts once she was out of class, and had needed to stop walking to make sure she was reading Dominique’s text correctly.

Calum had punched Nathan. He’d broken his nose. And Elodie wasn’t entirely sure how she should feel that the first thought that popped into her head following the news wasn’t to be afraid of Calum, but was to be worried about his hand.

Because as well as Elodie thought she’d known Nathan for the years they grew up together and the months they were dating, it felt like nothing compared to how she was getting to know Calum. With him, nothing felt off limits, there were no egg shells to walk on, no temper to be uneasy around. If Calum punched Nathan, Elodie instinctively knew it was for a good reason. And it felt crazy to her, how easy it felt with Calum; unrestrained and comfortable and good. Maybe that’s why she wanted to see him right away. Because with Nathan, all she ever wanted to do when his temper flared was to get away.

So when the door opened, Elodie’s gaze flickered down to his hand briefly before her worried brown eyes met Calum’s surprisingly sheepish ones, feeling her chest swell happily at the mere sight of him until she took in the slight discoloration on his left cheek. Elodie’s lips parted at the bruise that bloomed on the swell of his cheek, chest sinking with the sharp breath that escaped her as the words, “Are you okay?” tumbled out of her mouth immediately.

She hadn’t been aware that Nathan had gotten a hit in, too. Not nearly as strong, but still. The sight of the injury twisted Elodie’s stomach—the knowledge of it being caused by her ex only worsened it.

But Calum, quickly becoming a light, only smiled through a breathless chuckle and reassured, “I’m fine, doll,” before ducking his head to press a quick kiss to her lips, Elodie’s mouth automatically puckering to accept the kiss before moving further into the apartment. Paws clattered across the floorboards and Calum smiled, as if he didn’t have a bruise on his face, and nodded, “Duke’s just as excited to see you.”

She picked up the dog just as he reached her, accepting and enjoying the kisses she was greeted with, with a smile on her face, though her concerned gaze remained on Calum as she watched him shut the door. Elodie mumbled a gentle, “Hi, buddy,” to Duke as she ran her fingers through his soft fur, his paws against her chest as her gaze dropped to Calum’s hand once more.

Duke wiggled out of her grasp and Elodie bent down enough for him to easily jump down, and her eyebrows knitted together as Calum tried to move past her but she stopped him, grabbing the material of his hoodie. He skidded to a stop as she maneuvered around him, her hand gently grasping his right wrist so she could lift up his hand and inspect it. Elodie’s throat tightened at the faint bruises formed on his knuckles, the color sticking out more than the glint of his rings, and the familiar uneasiness of guilt crept back into her stomach.

“Don’t worry—I didn’t break anythin’. Just iced it a bunch; the bruising will go away soon enough,” Calum told her, the reassurance ever present in his tone, and Elodie adored that he was trying to make her feel better even though he was the one who was physically injured. It only served as a reminder of how considerate Calum was, and it made falling for him that much lighter.

Elodie held his fingers in hers, her touch light as a feather out of fear of somehow irritating his bruise, and let her thumb run over the skin by his rings as she scoffed gently. “Didn’t break anything except for Nathan’s nose.” Was it wrong to feel a smile tug at her lips? She never wanted to be someone to smile at someone else’s expense, much less their pain. But knowing Calum was okay relieved some of the tension in her shoulders. Lifting her gaze, Elodie met Calum’s eyes and told him with only the tiniest bit of amusement coloring her tone, “I heard you got blood on his favorite Armani suit.”

Calum scoffed, lips quirking briefly as he looked down at Elodie holding his hand, ever so careful of touching his injury. With an almost childlike petulance, Calum countered, “He got blood on my favorite rings.”

Despite wanting to continue standing there and joking around lightheartedly, Elodie still felt the weight lingering on her shoulders, which sank when she let out a sigh and lamented, “I hate that this happened to you because of me.” Her throat worked as she eyed the bruise on his cheek, a reddish-purple color blossoming against the brown of his skin. “Do you need ice?”

“Elodie,” Calum was quick to speak up, removing his hand from her light grasp so he could place both of his hands at the sides of her face, fingers tangling into her brown locks and ducking his head to maintain eye contact. He had a habit of holding her like that, and Elodie adored it. His brown eyes were widened in encouragement, hoping she would hear his words loud and clear as he said, “This didn’t happen because of you. It happened because your ex is a dick and I’ve been known for being unable to keep my mouth shut.” His touch was warm, as always, and his words spread the same comfort his hands did as his thumb stroked her cheek. “And it was completely worth it.”

Still, Elodie found herself nibbling on her lower lip as she gazed at the bruise on his cheek and was hyper aware of his discolored knuckles as well. The heaviness in her chest wasn’t as suffocating, but it was still there as it dried her throat, and Elodie couldn’t bring herself to look Calum in the eyes anymore. Not through any fault of his own—she just had some things to work through as well, things ingrained into her by her selfish ex, and it was those same insecurities that had her whispering out, “Why is it when I’m in a relationship, someone ends up hurt?”

“Baby.” Elodie’s heart lodged itself in her throat as the term of endearment slipped from Calum’s lips, soft and raspy in his desperate voice. He’d never called her that before. She liked it. Calum gently tilted her head—more like gave it a nudge, trying to get her to do it on her own because he didn’t want to force her if she didn’t want to. But Elodie found herself lifting her gaze, lips pressing together as her eyes met Calum’s inviting brown ones. “Don’t mistake Nathan’s actions for your own. What you’ve done has allowed you to be yourself unapologetically. You’re out. You’re—”

“Happier,” Elodie finished quietly, feeling that weight lift from her shoulders with every word Calum spoke, no longer suffocating her. Her eyes remained on his as a smile tugged at her lips, hands slipping into the single front pocket of Calum’s hoodie to keep him close. Almost sheepishly, she decided to add, “Safer.”

Maybe it was too soon, maybe she was taking a leap, but that’s how she felt when she was around Calum—safe. Like being herself wasn’t something she actively had to hold back in worry of bothering him, because he liked who she was. He liked that her coffee order differed depending on the time of day she got it because she liked the inconsistency, he liked that at least one article of clothing she wore had to have some kind of floral design, he liked that she was only active on Instagram once a month to post an aesthetically pleasing picture she’d taken before closing the app until the next month arrived. It was all little things that were probably insignificant, but Calum liked them not out of his own personal preference—but because Elodie liked them in herself. And that meant more than Elodie could comprehend.

He let her be herself without fault in the near two months he’d known her than the six months she’d been with Nathan. Calum came into her life like storm and instead of wrecking it, he somehow managed to help clear a path so Elodie could fix it herself.

Elodie let out a breath, throat working as she said to him earnestly, albeit timidly, “I don’t mean to bring the mood down bringing up these. . . Insecurities.”

“You don’t ever bring the mood down, sweetheart,” came Calum’s genuine response, lips curling into the soft smile he had reserved just for her, the one that sent her heart leaping. “You make it worthwhile. C’mere.”

He pulled her in for a hug then, his embrace just as tender as his words as his arms wrapped around her frame, and Elodie pulled her hands out of Calum’s hoodie’s pocket to wrap them around his waist. She closed her eyes, cheek against the area just below his chest because God knows she can’t reach it, and lost herself in his familiar cologne and touch. Elodie felt Calum’s lips press to the top of her head before he rested his uninjured cheek against it, and she sank into his hug, into him, as his tranquility seeped into her bones.

Calum rubbed his hand up and down her back soothingly, the two of them standing in a tender silence, before he murmured, “Come on, dinner’s almost ready.”

Elodie smiled as they pulled away, and she shrugged off her coat before following him into the open plan kitchen. It was there where she saw a pot of pasta boiling on the stove, as well as the other ingredients sitting on the counter ready to be cooked. She followed Calum, a smile tugging at her lips when she noted the boneless and skinned chicken breasts, baby spinach, garlic, parmesan, and a bunch of other ingredients waiting to be prepped.

Her heart was thrumming happily in her chest, eyes alight at the sight before her as Calum picked up the bottle of red wine on the counter and poured some for Elodie and himself. “I thought you weren’t much of a wine drinker,” she hummed as she neared him, gladly taking the glass he offered her. She remembered one of the many conversations they had as they got to know each other, found out that he preferred some good whiskey or maybe even a beer to wine.

“I am around you,” he responded with a smirk, and Elodie giggled lightly as he clinked his glass with hers before the two of them took sips of the bittersweet drink. She smiled around the rim of the glass as Calum shot her a wink over his, before lowering his and moving to go back to the other counter where the stove is. “’M making us some Tuscan chicken and spinach pasta.”

“Sounds delicious,” Elodie hummed, glass still in hand as she moved towards him, leaning against the counter but making sure she didn’t get in his way as she asked, “Can I help?”

There wasn’t much he needed for her to do, so Elodie just stood by Calum and sipped her wine as he worked—eventually he cleared some space on the counter so she could hop up, and Elodie crossed her ankles as she watched him make dinner. There was music softly playing throughout the apartment, songs similar to those she heard in the tattoo parlor, and Elodie gently swayed her head to the music and drank her wine and made conversation with the first man to ever actually make her food.

She may have snapped a picture of Calum cooking the seasons chicken, his gaze on the skillet while an amused grin quirked at his lips, aware of what she was doing. But Elodie couldn’t help it—he looked so at ease as he made the food, which had been his idea in the first place. He was the one who’d invited Elodie over to his place, told her he’d make them dinner and they could hang out, and she recalled the way her heart had melted when he offered to cook. The mere fact that he could and liked to cook was enough to have Elodie rushing over. Nevermind the fact that she loved spending time with him anyway.

They made light conversation; she talked about what she was learning in her lectures plus the new charities she brought up to her family for their foundation to support, while he disclosed the tattoos he’d just done plus a few sketches that he drew. It slipped Elodie’s mind that as a tattoo artist, Calum was also an artist, that many of the tattoos he gave his clients were ones they’d picked from his own designs. She wondered if any of the ones he had were of his own making, still wanted to sit down and ask him about every single one of the words and images inking his skin.

“I wish I was good at something,” Elodie sighed after taking another sip of the wine. She was already a glass and a half in, and it was safe to say she was beginning to feel the lightheadedness that came with drinking it. Her skin was beginning to feel warm, a happy flush on her cheeks, as she pouted. Calum had put the pasta in a big bowl and was mixing in the chicken and spinach and everything else. He quirked an eyebrow at the slight drawl her words were adopting. “All I do is go to school and cry.”

Calum knew he shouldn’t laugh, but he couldn’t help the amused chortle escape him as he glanced over at Elodie with raised eyebrows, the fondness he felt for her warming his heart as he continued tossing the pasta. “You know that’s not true, doll,” he told her knowingly. “You’re good at working your family’s foundation. Aren’t you the one that researches and brings in the charities and organizations you guys support?”

“Well, yeah.” Elodie’s eyebrows furrowed almost childishly, a small pout forming on her lips that Calum felt the urge to kiss. He finished with the pasta, hot and ready to eat, as he took the two steps to the other side of the stove where Elodie sat. She looked up at him, and he noticed the slight glaze over her eyes. “But I feel like I could be doing more.”

“You’re already doing more than most,” Calum told her, coming to a stop in front of her and feeling a smirk curve his lips as Elodie automatically unlocked her ankles and spread her legs just enough for him to step into the space they created. Calum braced his hands on the cool marble counter on either side of her thighs, careful of his bruised knuckles, and enjoyed the scent of her floral perfume that briefly overpowered the food he’d cooked. But Calum focused on her, and the hints of doubt seeping into Elodie in regards to her worth, and he was bitterly reminded of what Nathan had said. Calum wasn’t going to let any spiteful thing that bastard said come true in any way, so he quickly derailed that train of thought in Elodie’s mind. “You, my darling, are better than most people I’ve met. That’s a fact.”

Her cheeks pinkened more than they already were, and Elodie felt her heart flutter happily in her chest. Every time Calum complimented her, she felt the air rushing out of her lungs, incredulous that his words made her feel ten times lighter than how awfully Nathan’s words impacted her. Elodie rested her nearly empty wine glass on the counter, hand coming up to cup Calum’s uninjured jaw and feeling his warm skin under her touch as she told him, honestly and genuinely, “You’re too good to me. That’s a fact.”

“Baby,” Calum breathed, raspy and shiver inducing as he brushed his nose against hers. There it was, that sweet little term that had butterflies exploding in her belly. Calum’s gaze was on hers, never afraid to look her in the eye, as he said, “You’re too good for me. That’s a fact.”

Elodie’s heart jumped, eyes dropping to his lips, just inches away from hers. She barely gave a shake of her head. “Nope.” And then closed the gap to capture his lips with hers.

Calum welcomed the kiss wholeheartedly, a throaty hum sounding in his throat as he moved his lips with Elodie’s and briefly gripped her hips before sliding his hands lower to bury them in the back pockets of her jeans. Elodie felt him pull her closer with his new grip, her lips parting when his tongue trailed across her lower lip, deepening the kiss as the taste of wine remained present on both of them. Her heart drummed in her chest as her own hands slid under Calum’s sweatshirt, his lack of shirt underneath allowing her hands to run along his smooth, warm skin, her touch instinctively causing Calum to give her a cheeky squeeze.

There was dinner waiting for them, Elodie knew that, was excited to take a bite of what Calum had made for them, but Elodie was enjoying the feel and taste of Calum’s lips and how warm he felt against her. She couldn’t help the way she dragged her nails down the length of his back, felt an uncharacteristic smirk tilt at her lips against Calum’s when he deepened the kiss with a deep moan that Elodie swore vibrated through her. He sounded as good as he felt.

Calum leaned into her and Elodie’s heart picked up even more, pounding in her ears because this closeness wasn’t enough; she needed more, craved it, wanting nothing in between them as her lips felt electric against his. Everything else began slipping away, her focus only being on the man who was kissing her like it was the last thing he’d get to do, yet still Elodie tried against her better judgement, “The food’ll get cold.”

Her words were mumbled against Calum’s mouth, and he merely grunted as his hands slipped out of her pockets only to grip the backs of her thighs, giving Elodie no warning as he lifted her. She let out a startled gasp, both at the action and the trickle of worry of his injured hand, but Calum’s teeth grazing her lower lip easily distracted her as she locked her ankles at his lower back and wrapped her arms around his neck as Calum said gruffly, “We’ll reheat it.”

Elodie wasn’t entirely sure how, she was too lost in the way her legs were hooked so perfectly around Calum and how he kissed her so fiercely, like he was putting everything into it, but they eventually ended up in a different room. She barely registered the sound of Calum kicking a door shut, eyes closed to completely savor the taste of his lips, kissing off the wine he’d also drank as Calum sank down until he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Hands returning to the hem of Calum’s sweatshirt, Elodie gripped it and pulled it upwards, the material offending and distancing, their kiss breaking only for a moment as she tugged it over his head and let out a breathless giggle when Calum’s one hand reached the back of it to take it all the way off and dropped it on the floor, lips returning to hers urgently.

Her heart thundered as they kissed, his stubble scratching her deliciously as she ran her hands from his neck down his chest, feeling the smoothness of his warm skin and the brief chill of the necklace that he seemingly never left the house without. The need to feel close to him was desperate, and Elodie was quickly losing herself into Calum as she used her nimble fingers to undo the buttons of her blouse, Calum’s hands gripping her hips as she shrugged off the cotton material. Calum’s hands slid up, feeling her bare warm skin, the kiss breaking to allow them to catch their breaths as his gaze dropped.

Their chests heaved in time with their quickened hearts, foreheads and noses pressed together and lips electric as Calum’s gaze dropped to Elodie’s newly exposed skin, throat drying at the sight of her in just a bra and jeans. The quiet of the room was interrupted only by their heavy breaths, and as Elodie’s right hand placed itself on the back of his neck, fingers playing with the growing dark hair, her other dancing along the necklace resting against his tattooed collarbones, she felt the warmth of his hands spread through her body.

Calum ran his hands up and down the smooth skin of her back, the tips of his fingers grazing the band of her bra, and his voice was hoarse as he whispered, “El, are you sure?”

She felt the corners of her lips quirk up, felt the electricity thrumming her veins and the obvious desire of how badly Calum wanted to keep going as she remained straddling his lap, and Elodie decided she didn’t want to shy away from this. From Calum. He never gave her a reason to, so she wouldn’t.

Elodie brushed her lips against Calum’s kissed ones, cheeks warming when he tilted his chin forward to kiss her properly. “Only if you are.”

And then she grinded her hips down on him, a gesture neither of them had been expecting, and Calum’s grip on her tightened, uncaring of his bruised knuckles, as he cursed through gritted teeth, “Fuck.”

She was killing him, he knew, as she pulled him in for another kiss before breaking away too soon. Calum groaned at the loss, eyes opening as he felt Elodie get off of him. He looked up at her, feeling a haze of adoration as he watched her with her long hair falling over shoulders, a not-so-innocent smile playing at her kiss pinkened lips, eyes on him as her fingers worked on the button and zipper of her jeans. Calum’s throat tightened as she kicked the jeans off, only a pretty lingerie set adorning her body that Calum couldn’t wait to take off.

The pout she sent his way nearly had Calum falling to his knees, her long hair falling around her shoulders as she gestured at him with a finger. “You’re wearing too many clothes,” Elodie said, her voice holding her usual sweet lilt, though Calum wasn’t deaf to the playful glimmer in her dark eyes. She continued to surprise him.

He smirked through a chuckle, pulling his lower lip into his mouth while his gaze remained on his girl, watching her watch him as he took off his sweatpants, the smirk wiping off his face when Elodie settled on her knees in the space between his legs and her gentle touch wrapped around his cock.

Calum’s hooded gaze was watching Elodie, feeling his heart in his throat as she closed her mouth around him, and he was in fucking heaven. His uninjured hand, braced behind him, tightened the bed sheets into a fist while the other easily gathered Elodie’s hair behind her head, his own lips parting at the sight of hers around him. The sensation of her hand working what she couldn’t fit in her warm mouth, nails of the other teasingly dragging along the top of his thigh as she worked him over.

“Shit.” It was all he was capable of breathing out, voice ragged and unsteady, the need to throw his head back and get lost in Elodie’s treatment of him heavy, but Calum didn’t want to take his eyes off of her. His fingers tangled in her soft hair, the blood rushing through his veins and thundering heart accompanying the fire spreading throughout his body.

The sight of Elodie on her knees before him was filthy, gorgeous, unexpected and perfect in every way. Calum could feel just how quickly she was pulling him to the edge, her mouth generous and dizzyingly pleasurable. But as pretty as she was before him, Calum knew he was going to come undone if she continued her ministrations, and he wanted to let go for the first time inside of her—not in her mouth.

“What?” Elodie pouted when Calum pulled her up, the loss of her making him grunt as his hands grasped her hips. She let out a startled sound amidst a giggle as Calum used his grip on her to turn them so she fell back onto the bed, Calum immediately sliding his body on top of hers as his lips pressed against hers urgently. He felt her melt under him, her hands running up the expanse of his back before her fingers found his short hair, keeping him close. Calum’s own hand snuck underneath her to unclasp her bra, ignoring the mild sting of his injured fingers at the action as Elodie lowered her arms briefly to slide off the straps before the offending material was gone.

He felt her breasts press against his chest, soft and supple on his warm skin as he kissed her, losing himself in her. Hastily, though not entirely sure how, Calum reached over to his bedside drawer, blindly pulling it open and rummaging around, lips still moving against Elodie’s, until his fingers finally grasped the foil package he’d been searching for.

There was an overwhelming, breathless desire to have her close to him, closer than she already was; to have her against him in all the right ways because it already felt so natural, so good, to be with her like this. The urgency of his kisses slowed, savoring the taste of her chapstick and the wine dancing on both of their tongues as he committed every bit of her to memory while tearing open the packet, ignoring the twinge in his bruised knuckles at the action. God. The last thing he thought was he’d be doing this with Elodie, finally, with a few bruises painting his skin.

She’d taken her underwear off during the moments of Calum rolling on the condom, hissing slightly at the latex against him, forehead pressed to Elodie’s as their heavy breathing became the soundtrack of their anticipation. His gaze lowered, lining himself up to where she needed him most, and in the midst of their excited breathing and hazy heads, Calum’s eyes met Elodie’s once more.

He looked at her, hovering over her as he took in the pretty flush of her cheeks, the already blissed out look in her eyes and lips pink and kissed. Calum’s heart was erratic within his chest, taking her in as he, in that moment, couldn’t help but think how lucky he was. His disbelief and overwhelm could be heard in his heavy breaths, could see Elodie’s own excitement in the rise and fall of her chest and tension of her neck, the diamond pendant of her necklace settled right between her collarbones. She was breathtaking, and Calum was so fucking lucky.

He couldn’t help himself by pressing his lips to hers once more, a slow and lasting kiss that had Elodie’s grip on the back of his neck tightening, wanting him close. Calum lined himself up to her, about to break the kiss just so he could hear her approval, only to be beaten to the punch as Elodie begged against his lips, “Please.”

His hips thrust forward, the sensation of him burying herself in her leaving both of them gasping for air, Elodie clinging to him and Calum groaning into the crook of her neck, feeling the subtle sting of his bruise, though it barely registered. Elodie wrapped her legs around his hips, and Calum’s hand gripped her thigh, uncaring of the strain on his fingers. Nothing mattered except for Elodie. As if there was anything else on his mind.

He started off slow, pulling out before burying himself to the hilt once more, feeling and hearing Elodie’s breath hitch at the sensation of him filling her up, his free arm next to her to keep himself above her. It was a symphony of his grunts and her breathless moans and skin slapping against skin and utterly losing themselves in one another. His motions were fluid and she received him completely, and Calum couldn’t keep himself from marking up her neck as he felt her nails digging into his back.

He could feel himself quickly reaching his high, but Calum fought himself, refusing to come undone until Elodie did first, no matter how difficult it felt after her mouth had worked him over. Praises fell past his lips, effortless in her worship, everything about her continuing to draw him closer and closer to the edge.

And when they lay in bed after the fact, utterly spent as they tried to catch their breaths with only one of his bedsheets covering them, there was a mutual, silent understanding between them that this was. . . Perfect. That laying in bed, warm bodies bare and pressed together under the sheet, with her head laying on his chest and his arm wrapped around her, was a flawless and blissful image they both had yearned for.

Elodie’s fingers danced with his, gaze on the way she gently turned his hand to look at the mild discoloration of his knuckles. The reminder that he was injured, no matter how insignificant Calum paints it to be, because of someone in her life still ate away at Elodie. But she’d be lying if she said there wasn’t a prickle of satisfaction, of adoration, that he wasn’t afraid of standing up for her. He defended her so easily when it took her so long to do so herself, and Elodie liked to think it was her having a wake up call of her own mixed in with a bit of courage from Calum himself that allowed her to be in the position she was in today. She counted herself so lucky that she went to the tattoo parlor with Dominique that day.

“I’m alright, y’know.” Calum’s voice was a low rasp from above her, and Elodie could feel the vibration of him speaking as her head remained against his chest. The way she was caressing his knuckles probably prompted him to speak up. “Doesn’t hurt or anythin’.”

Elodie bit her lower lip, which kind of still tingled from his dizzying kisses. As their fingers gently laced together, she surmised, “You’re just saying that so I won’t feel bad.”

“Hey.” There was a soft disapproving tone in his voice, hand snaking around her to tilt her chin up. Her dark eyes met his after briefly eyeing the bruise on his cheek, and there was a subtle crease between his eyebrows as he said, “I wouldn’t lie to you. And there’s nothing for you to feel bad about. He’s an ass and if I could break his nose again, I would.”

Elodie couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped her at Nathan’s expense, the sound quirking up Calum’s lips as well as Elodie looked at him. His lips were as kissed as hers, a pretty flush on his cheeks that she knew was warming her own, and there was a contentment present in her chest that she only ever felt around him. It was enough to push all thoughts of her ex out of her head, irritated with herself for even having a single thought about him. The mere mention of him was a disservice to herself and Calum and the relationship they’d come to have.

So she sat up, pressing the sheet to her chest with one hand, Calum’s arm falling from around her shoulders as he looked at her now seated figure with raised eyebrows. “Come on—” she smiled, grabbing his hand. “I wanna try the pasta.”

Calum chuckled deeply, not one to say no as he followed her off the bed. He put his sweatpants back on as Elodie pulled up her underwear, taking Calum’s hoodie as he offered it to her before following him back into the kitchen. Duke raised his head from where he was on the couch, jumping off as his paws clattered on the floor and followed them as they helped themselves to the dinner Calum had made, needing to heat it up just like he’d said after he poured Duke his food as well.

They ended up on the couch, flickering the TV on with warm plates in their laps with The Office keeping them entertained. And as they watched and ate, Elodie couldn’t help but let her gaze wander to the man sitting on the other end of the couch, his feet propped up on the coffee table. Her fork absently played with the pasta on her plate, too distracted by Calum; she felt her heart flutter in her chest, tickling, as she admired the way he laughed at the show, enough to push his cheeks up, uncaring of his bruise, and show off the crinkles by his eyes. He sat shirtless, tattoos on full display, bicep looking a bit too inviting as he held the plate with his left hand above his lap.

Just sitting here brought Elodie a sense of tranquility she’d never felt before, a warmth spreading across her skin as she took in a quiet breath. It was thrilling, how happy he made her, so easily and effortlessly. No wonder she was so willing to accept just how quickly she’d fallen in love with him.

--

tags: @irwinkitten @sweetcherrymike @meetashthere @valentinelrh @softforcal @astroashtonio @hereforlukescruff @novacanecalum @captain-what-is-going-on @angelbbycal @singt0mecalum @hopelessxcynic @lfwallscouldtalk @bodhi-black @findingliam-o @softlrh @calntynes @calumsmermaid @erikamarie41 @quintodosuniversos @longlastingdaydream @babylon-corgis @lukehemmingsunflower @imfuckin10plybud @pastelpapermoons @conquerwhatliesahead92 @rotten-kandy @metangi @neigcthood @ohhmuke @old-zeppelin-shirt @5sos-and-hessa @trustmeimawhalebiologist @vxlentinecal @pettybassists @vaporshawn @lu-my-golden-boi @visualm3nte @isabella-mae13 @dontjinx-it @lifeakaharry @neonweeknds @antisocialbandmate @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave @calpalbby @grreatgooglymoogly @sunnysidesblog @gorgeouslygrace @cocktail-calum @miahelizaaabeth @madelynerin @dramallamawithsparkles @theagenderwhocriedwolf​ @kaytiebug14 @hoodskillerqueen @bitchinbabylon @empathycth​ @xhaileyreneex​ @inlovehoodx @calistheloml @aestheticrelated @bloodlinecal​ @sublimehood​ @madbomb​ @raabiac​ @britnicole11​ @outofmylimitcal​ @fluffsshawn​ @bloodmoonashton​ @vxidhood​ @tea4sykes @lukeinblue​ 

[iwach4n]

this is basically an AU me and @snazzieyama have been talking about where haikyuu characters are the actors in Hamilton, and i haven’t been able to get it out of my mind so have an obnoxiously long set of headcanons about it

(i wrote this listening to the soundtrack, proper jamming i tell you)

CAST LIST (hear me out on some of these)

alexander hamilton - hinata shoyo

aaron burr - akaashi keiji

eliza schuyler - kageyama tobio

angelica schuyler - atsumu miya

peggy schuyler - yachi hitoka

john laurens / phillip hamilton - nishinoya yuu

marquis de laffayette - bokuto koutarou

hercules mulligan - tanaka ryuunosuke

george washington - sawamura daichi

thomas jefferson - tsukishima kei

james madison - yamaguchi tadashi

king george III - oikawa tooru

maria reynolds - kozume kenma

james reynolds / the doctor - kuroo tetsurou

samuel seabury - sugawara koushi

charles lee - lev haiba

george eacker - yaku morisuke

the bullet - shimizu kiyoko

HEADCANONS

hinata auditioned for hamilton despite having literally no theatre experience besides like school musicals and like one community theatre show. he was cast in ensemble at first but worked his way up to hamilton’s understudy and then the official hamilton

tsukishima auditioned for burr. he was salty that he was cast as someone else (his dynamic with yamaguchi was too good to pass up and akaashi had a better voice for Wait For It) at first but then he immediately clashed with hinata and took great pleasure with being able to roast him every night

in Alexander Hamilton, the laffayette/jefferson and mulligan/madison parts switch actors every show so bokuto, tsukishima, tanaka and yamaguchi all get to do it. sometimes they switch it at the last minute because “please dude my grandma’s come to watch i need to be on stage as much as possible”

tanaka has the Best fun on stage. he never fails to get the crowd pumped, he is jumping around and bringing so much energy, especially in his part in yorktown. it makes you mad that its a musical and you can’t start jumping up and singing along

suga was cast as seabury because he was perfectly good at the role and they preferred kageyama as eliza, which he auditioned for originally. he’s really good at it but it took way too long for Farmer Refuted to come together because him and hinata kept bursting out laughing. they both consider each other, like, the least threatening people ever, and they couldn’t take it seriously whenever hinata would have to get in suga’s face

SOMETIMES IT STILL HAPPENS!! if you watch carefully, you might see one of their lips twitch while they try to keep a straight face. the minute suga gets off stage, someone always has some cushion or piece of clothing he can laugh into because once he started laughing while his mic was still on

THE BIGGEST CAST JOKE IS ABOUT THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HAMILTON AND ELIZA!! kageyama looks so much taller than hinata (coz he is but its so noticeable when they’re alone on stage) and they torment hinata with pictures where it just looks ridiculous

oikawa always absolutely steals the show. he’s so dramatic, but he’s also one of the most simped-for cast members and sometimes he’ll throw a wink into the audience in the middle of You’ll Be Back to make things more interesting. 

also the bits in act 2 where he just comes in to watch and laugh at everything that’s happening? he’s so fun! just because he’s not the main focus of the scene doesn’t mean he isn’t gonna make the most hilarious facial expressions. half the audience ends up focusing on him instead.

daichi is the most commanding washington literally ever. he just comes on and he immediately takes over the stage. he barely has to try to give the character the air of authority. literally the perfect actor for the role

he’s also been in the show the longest. was cast as washington right off the bat and has been doing the role for multiple years. it makes him the unofficial dad of the cast and the go-to for advice since he’s seen a bunch of people do every other role

the “CALL ME SON ONE MORE TIME” line was another one that took too long for them to do without laughing. daichi has been doing this for ages but when he practices with hinata, he can’t help but laugh because this is the kid who he witnessed choke on hello kitty gummies with five minutes until the show began (back when hinata was in ensemble). hinata does the line too well and its hard to take it seriously at first

akaashi singing Wait For It is the literal most beautiful part of the show. he’s an amazing actor and his voice is incredible and it’s the sort of thing you could rewatch on loop for an entire week non-stop without getting bored

bokuto got akaashi the audition for burr, and even though their characters don’t interact too much their chemistry is really good. The “everyone give it up for everyone’s favourite fighting frenchman!” line is so genuine they just really admire each other as actors

lev auditioned for lee for the sole purpose of getting the line “i’m a general, WHEEEE”. he got the role mostly because he was just,,, really good at that line

atsumu refused to interact with anyone outside of rehearsals and performances for a solid month. the instagram of the cast had loads of photos on the story that were just mugshots of him saying “day 24, atsumu still won’t talk to us :(” whenever any of the cast take over it for a day

akaashi is the second most simped-for actor in the cast (after oikawa). you can literally feel people in the audience swooning in Dear Theodosia because he’s just so sweet

when yachi found out she was the only girl in the main cast she was literally terrified. she latched onto kiyoko really quickly and there’s a ridiculous amount of pictures that every fan has seen of those two together

kiyoko is really mesmerising as the bullet!! when she’s lifted her form is just stunning she just looks really nice okay-

every wondered whether kageyama would be like,,, actually good because he just seems kind of awkward off stage, but the minute he’s on stage and following a script, he’s like the perfect eliza

nishinoya has the perfect range for both laurens and phillip. fun and friendly yet still principled and serious rebel? check. small sweet nine year old? check. charismatic flirt? check. heartbreakingly dying from a gunshot wound? check.

tsukishima is a really unique jefferson. he’s not as flamboyant as the role usually is, but he’s super sassy to make up for it. it’s really refreshing and SO fun to watch. “uh,,, france?” becomes “france.” with a ‘are you stupid’ expression

yamaguchi wasn’t expecting to get anything past ensemble but he came in to audition with tsukishima and he is so good at what few lines he has. “which I wrote!” is said with such a scandalised tone, it gets a laugh every time

everyone who knew kenma before thought he’d be too awkward to do maria but he is actually really good once he gets past the initial awkwardness, he manages to portray her like a victim really well

i’ve already done like two of these so here’s some more scenes that took too long before they didn’t burst out laughing: eliza teaching phillip to play piano in Take A Break (just imagine nishinoya and kageyama doing it i can’t-), the duel in Ten Duel Commandments (the height difference between nishinoya and lev made them laugh every time they turned around), 90% of Say No To This but especially the kiss (kenma would just stop and get off like ‘no, i can’t, i can’t do this’ every time it was about to happen while hinata just started cackling)

part of the reason noya got cast as phillip as well as laurens was because he’s one of the only people who auditioned who was shorter than hinata

in rehearsals, akaashi has fallen off the table from The Room Where It Happens because they couldn’t time him jumping while the tablecloth was pulled off. there’s a compilation of the falls on youtube, no one knows who recorded them, let alone who posted it (it was kuroo)

speaking of kuroo, he takes his like five lines and he runs with them. he’s awesome as james reynolds but he’s also the fandoms favourite instagram of the cast because he just posts all the backstage shenanigans. he’s somehow always recording whenever something is going wrong.

he also teases kenma relentlessly about how their characters are married, but kenma is having none of it. it always goes like “awe we’re married” “,,, you’re literally abusive” or “come on, do it for your husband” “i’m cheating on you”

(i stopped here to jam to That Part of Hurrican. i wrote my way out hell i wrote my way to revolution i was louder than the crack in the bell i wrote eliza love letters until she fell-)

bokuto managed to rap Guns And Ships first try. he listened to it like twice, read the lyrics, and he could immediately do it. he took ages to do a convincing french accent though, and it pained everyone

TSUKISHIMA COULDN’T DO THE FAST PART OF WASHINGTON ON YOUR SIDE AND HAD TO ASK BOKUTO FOR HELP

bokuto is just,,, such a good laffayette. he’s jumping all over the place, flexing his muscles while he does the fast raps without looking out of breath at all. it seems almost impossible

also!!!! kuroo has a ridiculous amount of videos of bokuto backstage fortnite dancing to serious songs like Burn or Its Quiet Uptown

kageyama in Burn!!! heartbreaking and beautiful but he burns his hand on the letter too often. he’s gotten used to it at this point so he only slightly flinches when the flames touch his hand. its worrying

congratulations was almost brought back because atsumu really likes it and he absolutely kills it. they recorded him singing it in like a studio and everything because its just that good

when noya found out yaku was playing eacker he was so happy because they’re both short and he already looks ridiculous and tiny enough in the first duel

tsukishima will never admit how much fun he has with “southern motherfucking democratic republicans!!!” but its so clear his eyes literally shine (he kind of carries that line coz yamaguchi and akaashi are a lot more mellow)

oikawa once got dared to fortnite dance in reynolds pamphlet when he’s throwing the one singular sheet of paper. he was going to do it but the directors found out about it and literally threatened to fire him if he did it (they did it in a rehearsal to make up for it)

you know that bit in Your Obedient Servant where its like “careful how you proceed good man, intemperate indeed good man, answer for the accusations i lay at your feet or prepare to bleed good man”? literal chills from the look on akaashi’s face when he does it

whenever other cast members get food gifts from fans and they leave them unattended atsumu will always steal them. only daichi has figured out its him and he has kept quiet on two conditions - he leaves his alone, and he gets half of all the cakes

sometimes yachi just likes to lie down in the middle of the spinny floor and spin to destress. yamaguchi joins her sometimes.

there’s always a ton of people waiting at stage door, and kuroo has made it his mission to come out first and announce everyone as they leave. people play along with it and cheer for every person. some of the cast (mainly oikawa and bokuto) make it super dramatic and do massive bows as they walk out. kageyama never fails to look bewildered despite it happening every day

oikawa chills in full king gear backstage way before and way after he needs to. like half of his instagram is selfies is him in it doing dramatic poses. he’s broken the crown too many times because it fell off his head

hinata sometimes subconsciously does the My Shot dance while he’s going about his life. he can’t escape

they can be sorted into three groups: is the literal sweetest baby to their fans and is kind of shocked they even exist, adores having fans and fully expects them to exist, and the ‘i appreciate the support but pls leave me alone i want to go home’

i don’t know how to round this off but this is getting too long and its gonna keep on going because i’m listening to the soundtrack as i write. maybe there will be a part 2 one day.