#i'd have to keep correcting it endlessly

[reitziluz]

Chapter 3 - Yellow

sunflower, mustard, raincoat, caterpillar, cat eyes

3/8 of The Sextuplet Color-Coding Effort Rating: G Category: Gen Fandom: Osomatsu-san Tags: Childhood, Growing Up, Fluff, Angst, Drabble Collection

[LINK TO AO3]

a/n: took me second longest to settle the prompts for this one. i kept coming up with great ones, but they turned too long and complex for me to want to turn them into drabbles. or too angsty.

[fallendev0tionvn]

Im slow.. when it comes to lore of Clive lmao but hey its interesting, so may i ask what's Nietzsche philosophy.. so like i can watch his philosophy, so i can understand! :D

i've been stalking your account to understand Clive but I just realize i am slow when it comes to lore LMAOO, oneee... question that is a Slight NSFW (Maybe..?), is Clive gentle when it comes of Him and MC do it for a first time?

(i just realized i change topic to add one question which is not related to Clive's lore :P)

I'll answer the second question first, Clive is always gentle! He only wants to bring you pleasure, not pain. The only time he gets a little rough is when he's feeling jealous🏃‍♀️.

ANYWAY.

I'm SORRY for the person I'm about to become, but get ready for a LONG yapping session (I was Dostoevskij in my past life) that probably won't make sense (keep in mind that I wanted to be either a comic artist, a psychologist or a philosophy professor...explains a lot). Half of this is from my notes when I was studying for my graduation exam💀

First of all Nietzsche is one of the most misunderstood philosophers. Why? He's either "idolized" by those red pill/looksmaxxing guys without realizing that he actually goes against their morals, or edgy wannabe "nihilists" for the quote "God is dead." (Nihilism is a form of extreme pessimism, in simple terms, it's the belief that there's no true meaning in life, nothing can be known or communicated. But if Nietzsche is telling you to destroy the old meanings of life TO create your own instead of listening to what others say, would he still be considered a nihilist? Sure, active nihilism is a thing- but in my opinion he is NOT a nihilist).

His philosophy has also been used historically for the worst things that I won't even mention. Why? his sister edited some of his last unfinished works based on HER own beliefs when he ended up in the asylum. Many think he was a "....", when- let's be real and study a bit of history- if Nietzsche's mental health deteriorated the year THAT political figure was born (1889), how could he possibly be associated with him? Literally, tf.

The reason for this is because I think many don't read or study his philosophy in the correct order, nor do they know the timeline of his ideas.

To understand the concept of the "Übermensch", you have to start from the very beginning, when he first mentions the Dionysian and Apollonian spirits- the übermensch is supposed to bring back the rebirth of the "tragic spirit". (Übermensch= overman, the highest version of oneself a person can become, the "better" version of you, basically).

What key concepts did I take inspiration from? (I say inspiration because not everything is directly related to Nietzsche, I started from his main concepts to create characters, lore etc.)

ETERNAL RETURN:

(Bad ending: The cycle ends here)

See Clive's necklace? The symbol on his bicep and the main menu? The ouroboros.

It's such a deep concept and it asks: "What if every moment of your life had to repeat itself endlessly, in the exact same way, forever?"

This means everything, every pain, every joy, every regret, would return again and again and again. This NOT about whether it's scientifically true, we don't know if we're destined to relive the same life after death. It's a thought experiment, a way to ask yourself "would I still want to live my life if I knew I'd relive my worst moments forever? How would I act?"

If your answer is no, you're not affirming your existence. If yes, you're embracing life fully. In a way, you'd try to be more yourself and live with fewer regrets, right?

DIONYSIAN VS APOLLONIAN:

(The intro of the game, Silas and Clive's conversation)

To simplify it: Think of the two hemispheres of the brain.

Right brain = Dionysian (chaos, passion, music, imagination, intuition, emotion). This side is emotional, creative, raw, deeply human. It's the spirit Nietzsche believed humanity lost.

Left brain = Apollonian (logic, structure, rules, order). This side is rational, clear, less human.

Why did Nietzsche use greek gods to describe this? Because he rejected the "classical and elegant" image of Greece we learn about in school. To him, archaic Greece was the perfect society because it embraced chaos, suffering, and the tragic. (That's why I added greek mythology :3)

He also saw greek tragedy (a form of ancient drama/theatre that expresses human suffering, fate, and moral conflict) as the perfect fusion of the Apollonian and Dionysian. This fusion created a form of art that embraced life in all its beauty and suffering.

With Socrates (ancient greek philosopher), the Dionysian spirit was killed. We began to exalt reason over everything, meaning everything had to be explained, justified, or made logical. This made humanity obsessed with truth and control, disconnecting us from the fullness of life.

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."

Clive tried to force himself to lean more towards the Apollonian, he suppressed his emotions, tried to follow "moral rules", and tried to look "normal".

To explain the change between his younger self and current self there's an iconic quote:

"Become who you are" In the sense that in life, we constantly follow models that are necessary- because we grow through imitation. Children grow by watching, by imitating. But then, we must detach from this imitation and become who we truly are, a process of self reckoning.

After his "death", Clive starts being himself. There's a balance now, but you can still influence him to lean more towards his Dionysian or Apollonian side.

To live a full, healthy life, we need to embrace both sides:

"The tree that grows to heaven must send its roots to hell."

GOD IS DEAD:

(Who helped Clive?)

Nietzsche's most misunderstood quote.

Saying "God is dead", as he writes, implies that God once existed, or at least, that he was once central to the way humans explained the world. After all, only something that has existed can die; things that have never existed don't die. That's why Nietzsche has this declaration spoken not by an atheist, but by a madman. The atheist and the believer ARE part of the same system aren't they? One says "yes", the other says "no", but they're both within the same structure of thought, a world where God is STILL a reference point.

The madman on the other hand, speaks from outside that system. When he says "God is dead", he's not just denying the existence of God- he's saying that the world is no longer ORGANIZED around God. There was a time when everything was explained through God, when God gave order and meaning to existence. But today, that's no longer the case.

We must understand that Nietzsche, often read in an oracular and overly dramatic way, is actually a profundly coherent philosopher. His thinking is rigorous; If churches are now empty, if they became museums, tombs for god (visiting them for the "Affreschi", example: "La cappella sistina"), it's because he is dead. We killed him, or more precisely, we forgot him- because already with the scientific revolution, and even earlier with Renaissance, man placed himself at the center. We no longer live in a world explained through God, but through human reason, science and self determination. (That's why I chose literally the "forgotten God" from greek mythology. If you figure out who he is, you'll learn he actually died.)

Now if you want to learn more about Nietzsche:

His philosophy goes through THREE major phases;

- The youthful phase: Influenced by Schopenhauer (another amazing philosopher, highly recommend reading about him too), celebrated ancient greece, wrote "The Birth of Tragedy", Introduced the Apollonian and Dionysian spirits.

- Enlightment phase: Distanced himself from religion and idealism, embraced critical thinking, dismantled traditional values, wrote "Human, All Too Human".

- Mature phase: Developed his core concepts -> eternal return, übermensch, death of god, wrote "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" "On the genealogy of Morality" "Ecce Homo"

[witchofthesouls]

I do think it's a good thing to point out: violence is always the answer to violence when it's the system that creates the violence.

Megatron in every continuity was right that it needed to be a violent overthrow because the upper castes would not listen and would not change.

The title of Prime is a god-king status above the caste system entirely, but it does beseech its own violence just by existing.

Even if Optimus is a good person, that doesn't erase the damage and cruelty Primes are apparently known for. He is patient and he is imperfect and the tragedy of it is, does he even know that he's changed? How much of the difference is he aware of from his time before the Maxtrix to what he's become as a direct result of it?

Skyquake said he'd never side with a Prime. Not that he'd never side with Optimus, or the Autobots, but A Prime. The idea. The symbol. The Decepticons are fighting to be free from the shackles of a lineage of god-kings endlessly creative in their cruelty who, by some irony, they are compelled to follow by the nature of the relic.

Ratchet is a very good example of the hypocrisy. He was medical- upper middle to upper caste- and in TFP, we know Iacon hoarded a lot of resources. We see his prejudice plain as day just from how he describes Orion Pax and Megatronous. Hell, I'd say he flat out hated Megatronous for teaching a young Orion to speak his mind. He doesn't understand the righteous anger that the gladiator carried, and I don't think he cared.

Tl;Dr: there's a reason the Decepticons are more appealing, honey, most people just don't want to think about it too hard

Uh, I don't know if you're new here, anon, but yeah? Keep on cooking!

I don't know if this is a response to the reblog from nukeli about shattered glass, but under my 'analysis' and 'tf headcanons' and 'gladiator soundwave' and 'cybertronian culture' tags, I do talk about the roles of violence and how it's cemented within Decepticon culture as well as the 'appropriate behaviors' of low-caste vs high-caste of the Golden Age, especially between Orion Pax and Megatron and how it essentially fucked them up after the disaster meeting. Plus, I have posts about the potential cultural damage caused by the Quintesson occupation on Cybertron since they were the ones to implement the caste system.

Ratchet is such a great example of the show's use of unreliable narrator and how he encompasses a higher-caste sensibilities, especially when you take in his background. Compared to Orion Pax, who literally bypassed all the regulations and went from uneducated bumpkin from the middle of nowhere to a cushy and prestigious position underneath Alpha Trion, Ratchet had the correct frame and went through the right channels, so he never had to deal with the kind of discrimination others would speak about. I think of him like that prideful, racist grandpa who the "but you're not like them" locked and loaded. There's a lot of those instances across the show, but I really enjoy it since it fleshes out the story and the character. Ratchet isn't subtle. Not at all. And no one calls him out on it, so it's super telling on what kind of society Golden Age Cybertron was.

Personally, I thought it was really interesting when Skyquake had said that, especially with how Aligned/TFP done the Thirteen since Megatron literally took his name from Megatronus Prime, the direct opponent of Prima, and had tried to legitimize the movement with the Primacy. That's how I read Megatron's demand since it was proof of real change, but there was no way the High Council was going to allow that. Instead, they decided to take advantage of Orion Pax as a way to break the Decepticon movement and send a message to everyone else. Orion wasn't meant to be a Prime. He was just a figurehead, a token of empty promises, until it went off the rails, and he actually unearthed the damn Matrix.

Going back to Skyquake, I guessed that the TFP!Decepticons do have devotees to outlawed sects along with atheists as Megatron has no issues with getting Primal Artifacts, even if he needs to commit corpse desecration to a Prime of the fucking Thirteen to use the Artifact. (Which is another wild event under that mech's belt. It's a good thing they don't have balls because nothing could carry his.) So Optimus was basically barking at the wrong tree. But a majority of the Decepticons would be like that since Optimus represents Prima's reflection of a Prime and civilization. That distinction is really important because after the death and exile of over half of the Thirteen Primes, very few were actually left to guide the fledgling societies. Each Prime represented different Aspects and Domains, so with none able to challenge Prima... is it really a huge surprise it went wayside?

Prima was the Firstborn and Eldest. He was literally the God-King as the Prime of Light. Megatronus Prime was the only one who could truly challenge him, but he laid down his weapons and chose self-exile, and with death of Solus and Liege Maximo, Onyx, Micronus, and Thirteen joining the Allspark to kickstart it, Nexus separating himself, and Quintus, Amalgamous, and Vector leaving... Alpha Trion and Alchemist weren't enough to stand against Prima, who had a vision on how Cybertron should be.

My point is that the Decepticons stood against Prima's Champion by fiercely declaring their own leader. Megatron would have been an uncrowned Prime, a call to return to the long past before city-states, or a symbol a future without them.

[peacheeeliz]

006. DAY SEIZED (wc: 821)

You let out the umpteenth sigh of the hour, staring blankly at the disinterested boy that sat across from you in the library. He types away endlessly at his phone, not even sparing you one glance. You could disappear out of thin air right in front of him, and he would have no idea. How he was able to drown you out so easily was beyond you.

You're about to say something to him before a figure standing at the study room door catches your attention. Mark stands on the other side of the glass, smiling kindly as he waves at you. He raises his other arm, brandishing a plastic bag that you could only assume held the sweet, sweet dinner you had been craving for all day. You're positive Jaemin wouldn't mind, so you motion for him to come in.

Mark enters the study room, soaking in the bright smile that overtook your face; of course, it was for the tacos and not him. But, a man can dream. He places the bag down in front of you, “some refreshments, milady.”

You choke out a laugh, finally catching the attention of your unresponsive student. Jaemin stares up at Mark, finally showing some kind of reaction as a smile grows on his face. “Yooo, Mark Lee?” He starts, standing up to dap up the Canadian man. “Didn't expect to see you of all people here, man.”

“Haha, yeah,” Mark replies, eyeing the boy. As friendly as he usually was with the freshman, he couldn't help but feel disdain as he looked at his playful smile. He was sure that this was the first word he had said all night, and boy, was he correct. “So, Y/N here is tutoring you, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, she's a great teacher,” Jaemin answers, although he had to be honest; he didn't even know your name. You scoff, but he ignores it and continues. “I'm learning so much from her.”

“I could tell, you know, with the lack of notebooks you have out right now,” Mark notes, glancing over how bare his side of the table was. “You must be more of an auditory learner then?”

Jaemin hesitates before nodding slowly. “Yeah, totally,” he breathes out a laugh. “One hundred percent auditory learner.”

“Well, I'm glad you have Y/N as a teacher,” Mark continues, resting his hand on your shoulder. “I mean, she learned from the best. Her older brother, Jung Jaehyun.”

Jaemin's eyes go wide, and for the first time in three days, they finally turn to look at you. “Your brother… is Jung Jaehyun?”

“The one and only,” you answer, sending Mark a questioning glance before looking back at Jaemin. “He, uh, taught me everything I needed to know.”

“Wow,” he breathes out, eyes sparkling. “You've got to keep tutoring me, then.”

“I'd be glad to,” you reply, smiling at the boy's starstruck daze. You slam your textbook shut, bringing the boy back down to Earth. “But, looks like that's time. See you next time, Jaemin.”

The boy nods quickly, almost skipping out of the room in excitement. You struggle to hold in your laughter at the sight, shaking your head as you begin to pack up your things. “Thanks for that,” you tell Mark. “Don't think I would've gotten anything out of that kid if it weren't for you.”

“Oh, it's nothing,” he says, shrugging. “You know, you always complain about the attention you get because of your brother. But I think it can be a gift too.”

“I guess I'll take that into consideration next time,” you nod slowly, throwing your backpack over your shoulders. “And, I guess I also owe you one.”

“Oh, big time,” he responds. “I should be asking you to like, shine my shoes or something.”

You roll your eyes, and as you do so, your eyes flicker to the door behind Mark. You meet his eyes again, smiling at the cheeky smile that plays on his lips. “You should really kiss me right now,” you tell him, watching his mouth go slack.

He wants to question your words, but before he can, you're leaning in. Your lips meet his, and he instantly melts into the kiss. As cheesy as it sounds, fireworks are going off in his head as he reaches up to cup your cheek. But, just as soon as it happened, you pull away with a soft smile.

From behind Mark, Lee Taeyong appears on the other side of the glass door. “Day seized!” He shouts, quickly getting shushed by a nearby librarian.

“We're even,” you tell him, patting his chest before you go to leave.

“A plus, Mark,” Taeyong continues, laughing. “I know a life-changing kiss when I see one.”

Mark continues to stand there in shock, paying no mind to his instructor that dances away. “Yeah, fooled you,” he says to himself, as you were now halfway out of the library.

synopsis ⤏ mark, desperate to talk to the cute girl in his japanese class, forms a study group. who knew that other struggling college students might want to join a study group?

a/n: first kiss only six chapters in let's goooo 🥴🥴

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[autism-autobot]

Flower of a Poisonous Seed Part 66:

Part 65:

TW: mentions of child neglect,

"It's Bai He's graduation party tomorrow."

"Cool! She's graduating from what, 5th grade? 6th?"

"High School."

"...what?"

Nezha sat next to Wukong on the couch as he continued his rant.

SWK: I can't believe she finished high school already! I mean, it doesn't feel like that long ago that we defeated the Lady Bone Demon.

RS: I know! Like, I get that she's mortal, but like, slow down, you're still young.

Nezha: Okay, two questions: Who's Bai He again and why does everyone bring up the Bone Demon whenever we speak of her?

RS: She's a human child, wouldn't you know of her?

Nezha: Do you really expect me to know the names of every child in China? Do you know how many kids that is?

RS: ...

SWK: You know that kid who got possessed by the Lady Bone Demon a while back? That's Bai He.

Nezha: Yes, I remember now. She likes to hang out at Pigsy's Noodles with MK and his friends, correct?

SWK: Yep! And we're all invited to her party. And graduation, but, well-

Nezha: Graduations tend to be loud and noisy and-

Nezha & SWK: Full of people.

RS: And those things take FOREVER!!!!! If MK hadn't begged me to come with, I'd stay home with you two.

RS: My parents will be attending as well. Apparently, my father likes these sorts of things.

Nezha: You go and support Bai He, we'll get a present ready to give her tomorrow.

SWK: We kinda forgot all about that with all of the stuff that's been going on recently, huh?

Nezha: Indeed. There's a million different events that I have to keep track of these coming months. It's a lot.

SWK: We need to get a calendar in here.

RS: That's the size of the wall.

Nezha & SWK: *laughs*

~~~

Unsurprisingly, the party was cat-themed. Bai He's parents pampered her endlessly, but she never became spoiled. Macaque was lying under the shade of an umbrella, grumbling something about Bai He's choice of locations.

It was a pool party.

Bai He was born in the wintertime, so she had never been able to have a pool party for herself before.

Wukong and Nezha had little issue with this, they both enjoyed pool time. However, the pool was a bit less accessible than they were used to.

Pigsy: Is Wukong gonna be okay just jumping in?

Nezha: I will be there to catch him. Even if I couldn't, he's wearing his life jacket. He has become a very good swimmer, and his oxygen tank is also fitted with a buoyant casing.

Pigsy: Good thing. I don't mean to question Wukong about it too much, 'cause I'm sure he gets asked a lot, but I worry about him. We all do. We can't help but wonder how he's doing.

Nezha: He's been doing quite well recently. Though I understand worrying constantly. I do very much the same.

~~~

Mac: You getting in the pool soon?

SWK: Yeah. Like my swimsuit?

Mac: *laughs* Yeah, I'm guessing Nezha picked it out for you?

SWK: Yep! And look, we're matching!

Wukong and Nezha were indeed wearing matching strawberry milk-themed bathing suits. Given how many times Wukong's would have swim therapy sessions, they saw fit to get a few different sets of swimwear.

Mac: So you are!

SWK: Hey, where's Jing?

Mac: Why do you ask? Wanna tease us again about it?

SWK: No, no! We ran into him the other day at the diner and he seemed mad at Muzha for some reason.

Mac: Oh, yeah. He's out on a camping trip with Muzha. Apparently, the kid started acting out because he felt like his brothers, specifically Nezha, was getting more attention and love than him. They're working it out.

SWK: Oof. I try to avoid that with my own kids but even I'm not perfect.

Mac: Yeah. I'm not too good with it either. And by the way, I... tried... talking to our kids. It's had mixed results but... yeah.

SWK: Oh. Well... good for you for trying.

Mac: Yeah. I got stuff to work out too.

SWK: Nobody's gonna be perfect. At least you're trying now instead of being a total deadbeat dad.

Mac: Woah. I didn't mean I was gonna be a parental figure of any kind, I just... I tried saying sorry for... you know what.

SWK: That's the best any of us can do sometimes.

~~~

Bai He sat next to Macaque under the shade. She wore a two-piece swimsuit that seemed to be the popular style for girls her age. Macaque wasn't a fan of it, but he wasn't about to tell her that.

Bai He: Hey, Macaque? Can you braid my hair for me? I don't want it to get too messy in the water.

Mac: Of course! Anything for you, Little Kitten. *pinches her cheek*

Bai: *giggles* Stop! I'm not seven anymore!

Mac: I know, but you'll always be my and your parents' little princess.

Bai: I know.

Macaque had learned to do Bai He's hair years ago when he found out that neither of her parents knew how to style it properly. Bai He had asked him to do it since her parents weren't brave enough to try. He usually did it right before training with her.

Bai He has no powers, but she took a great interest in learning self-defense as a way to feel more confident and safe. Macaque was hesitant to take her on as a student at first, but one good look with her big ol' kitty eyes and he cracked like glass.

Never in a million years would Macaque admit it to himself, but he loved her like a daughter. Heck, he even loved her more than his actual children. It was obvious, but so was the fact that this didn't nor should it be stated aloud.

Bai: Honestly, I wish I'd joined that club sooner. Anyways, what's up with you? Jing treating you okay?

Mac: He's treating me just fine, Kitten.

Bai: Good, I'll kick his butt if he doesn't! Where is he, anyway?

Mac: He's dealing with one of his kids right now, so he couldn't make it today, but he sends his congrats to you.

Bai: Aw. Tell him I said thanks.

Mac: I will.

Bai: So... what did his son do? And which one is it? He has three sons, right?

Mac: *senses she's digging for gossip* It's not that serious, Muzha's just got 'middle child syndrome' is all. But... he was talking quite a bit of smack behind Nezha's back.

Bai: *curious* Oh? What kind?

~~~

Nezha: Yay, Wukong! Good swims!

SWK: *doggy paddling towards him*

Nezha: *grabs Wukong and pulls him close* Good boy! Good swimmer!

SWK: *wags his tail happily* *smiles so big his eyes are forced shut*

MK: Are... they always like that?

RS: Yep. Whenever Wukong does so much as breathe properly.

Mei: Awww! So cute!

RS: Hey, you did put on sunscreen, right?

MK: Yep!

RS: And you let it absorb?

MK: ...

RS: MK!!!!

~~~

The Demon Bull King sat on a large picnic blanket with Princess Iron Fan. They were helping each other put on sunscreen as they talked.

DBK: When did MK get his top surgery? He gave me a bit of panic just now seeing him shirtless and unglamoured with our son.

PIF: Oh, he got it about a month or two after we found out your brother was sick. It must've slipped under the radar a bit with everything going on.

DBK: Life's been quite hectic lately, hasn't it?

PIF: Indeed, and it's not stopping anytime soon. We've still got the conferences with Jing, Father's Day, our anniversary, our son's birthday, the family vacation we were planning-

DBK: My goodness, I haven't even begun planning our son's birthday yet.

PIF: You still remember his exact time of birth?

DBK: *chuckles* Down to the second.

PIF: Good thing you paid attention to that. It could've been 1 am or 1 pm for all I'd have known. I was miserable.

DBK: You were busy being a valiant warrior, my dear...

PIF: Something wrong, my love?

DBK: I spent most of our son's life locked away. And even when I wasn't locked away, I wasn't there. I wasn't a very good father. I hardly deserve the title.

PIF: Regardless as to whether you deserve it or not, you made him. You qualify for the title of 'Father'. It's me who doesn't deserve the title of 'Mother'.

DBK: That is not true! You crafted his form in your womb, even at the risk of your life. You are worthy.

PIF: But I don't even have the excuse of imprisonment for my absence from his life. Even when I wasn't absent I was still horrible. If you knew all the things I did-

DBK: I'd still love you anyway. Perhaps... we may be dwelling on the past too much. As anxiety-inducing as the future may be, it is all we can affect now.

PIF: This is true, my darling. I love you.

DBK: I love you too.

DBK & PIF: *share a passionate kiss*

Mac: *covers Bai He's eyes* *gasps dramatically* Ew! *fake gags* Gross! Not in front of the kid!

Bai: I'm 18, Macaque!

Mac: Ew! Yucky! *fake gags*

PIF: Shouldn't have left my fan at home.

DBK: Here, use this. *hands her his sandal*

PIF: Gladly. *charges at Macaque*

Mac: *shadow teleports with Bai He*

Part 67:

Masterpost

@istopaskingmemate @weaverpop @ainnur @cutvdo @vivyainou @fruit-fight

[mrs-kodzuken]

Fated Beginnings ♡

Pairing: Kenma Kozume x fem!reader

WC: 4.1k

Genre: fluff

CW: fem!reader, teeth rotting fluff, date set up by Kuroo, slight introverted!reader, slight cursing

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

"Kuroo, I don't feel comfortable doing this," I mumbled looking back down at the current book I was reading.

"Come on, (Y/n). It'll be fun!"

I sighed placed my bookmark on page 146, and closed it. I didn't have the time or guts to do this.

"Kuroo, you said that last time and last time I got clumsy and fell, multiple times if I may add." I coldly told him, looking up.

We were in the library at school, he knows this is how I spend my lunch. And yet still continues to bother me endlessly.

"I promise this one will be different, I know Kenma better than the other dude." He pleaded at me. He has been trying to set me up with people for God knows what reason.

I sighed once again and lightly put a lock of my hair behind my ear knowing I've picked the habit up from reading too much.

"Fine Kuroo, but if this one goes wrong, I will not speak to you for a week and you cannot set me up with another person," I spoke firmly at him, making my point known.

His eyes lit up at me and squashed me into a bone-crushing hug.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" He shouted, very loudly, after letting me go.

"Calm down or else you're going to get us kicked out of here."

Kuroo and I have been friends since day one, literally. Well, not literally maybe about a year apart. However, I didn't exactly like how much of an extrovert he can be.

We grew up together and in most situations I'd stay inside, much to his dismay. So, I've never been a fan of being outdoors especially when it's a sunny day. I'd even go to the length and say I hate sunny days.

"Why are you like this.." I grumble quietly and pick my bag up from the library's carpet floor.

"Alright, so I've been planning this for a while. Hence, why I chose Saturday for the date because it's going to rain. You and Kenma are going to be staying at your place. I've been waiting for my best friends to meet for so long." The excitement but mischief in his voice concerns me just a bit.

I rolled my eyes and headed out of the library, seeing as I had to get back to class.

Even if Kuroo is a 3rd year, we still hang out together. Correction, he still pesters me to hang out with him.

I could have used all that time for catching up on books and sometimes on special occasions, diving into some fanfiction.

"I'll see you later (Y/n)." He sent me a sly wink and headed the other way.

Heading to class I took my seat, which was far from the front. I was glad about the seating arrangement, it could allow me to read while the teacher couldn't see me.

My desk mate, whose name I'm not even sure about, came and did his routine.

He also took advantage of being in the back but he used it on video games. I'm not sure why, but I guess we have different hobbies.

To be honest, I didn't even know his name. He was so quiet, two toned hair covering his eyes and gave about half of the time.

However, then again so am I.

Occasionally, I'd look up at the board to see if there was anything I needed to write down or listen to. As always, it was pure nothingness.

When the last bell rang, signaling the end of the school day, I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder. As I walked through the halls I continued my book because no bell is going to keep me from figuring out the murder mystery in this book.

I haven't ever stayed after school to watch Kuroo practice volleyball. I didn't see a point in it, I mean, I know he's good at it. He leads his team to nationals.

I passed and heard the squeaking sounds of their shoes and some harsh noises of balls being spiked.

"Kenma! Set me another one!" I heard a familiar voice speak up loud.

However, it wasn't the voice that attracted my attention, it was the name.

Kenma?

"No, that's your fifth one." I heard an annoyed voice speak from the gym.

I had the urge to go take a peek but then stopped myself.

Why should I? I have better things to be doing, like tidying up my room a bit and catching up on my weekend book.

Switching books occasionally wasn't a problem because my parents would always buy me more. I could even use my library card to go get more if needed be.

This meant that I had a huge bookcase filled with my favorite books in my room.

After securing my book mark, I glared up at the sunny sky. It pissed me off. I don't understand how someone could like sunny days over rainy ones.

After getting my house key from my pocket I unlocked my door. My parents did business work at the same office but would always get off late at night.

With that being said, I set my school bag down and grabbed my pink cleaning apron to start the process. I did a bit more than what I usually do, mopping the floors and dusting high places isn't a good match with someone like me.

When I got finished, I headed downstairs after tying my (h/c) hair up into a low bun and tied my cooking apron on me.

Just because my parents are gone doesn't mean that I can order pizza every night. And quite frankly, it gets boring.

I got started on an easy dinner, seeing as I wanted to get it over with. I felt like baked spaghetti was the easiest it was going to get considering I wanted a fulfilling meal.

After eating, a thought snuck into my head. I have to waste a perfectly rainy day on someone who probably wants to go out or something.

Why not just stay in the comfort of your bed and slob around in snacks and books? This is exactly why if there was a male version of me, I'd marry him immediately.

After cleaning the dishes I headed upstairs and started on my night routine. I grabbed an oversized grey shirt which said 'Do I care?' and some black shorts.

Knowing myself, that'd also be the outfit I'd wear when this 'Kenma' comes over tomorrow. I wasn't actively looking for a boyfriend so there's no reason to impress him.

Now that I thought about it, there wasn't anything weird I heard about Kenma from anyone.

I mean, I guess he got some love confessions from girls but he didn't waste his time on it.

I couldn't blame him, why waste your time on falling in love, which only ends in heartbreak by the way, when you can fall in love with fictional characters who'd never break your heart?

With those thoughts running through my mind, I set my book on my nightstand and turned off my lamp.

Now it's time for fanfiction, a small but devilish smile made its way onto my face as I opened Wattpad.

I'd always loved reading these, especially when they were about my favorite fictional character. I die inside a bit every day when I remember they aren't real.

Little did I know, I had stayed up a tad bit too late and before I knew it, it was 7:03 am.

I mentally cursed myself for doing this yet again. My eye lids were heavy and needed sleep however it was like some kind of drug to read fanfics.

I furrowed my brows and sat up hastily, shouldn't my parents have come in?

Pushing back my white covers with small pink roses on them, I grabbed a large red hoodie to go over my sweatshirt and some fuzzy socks. I headed to their room, surprisingly, it was empty.

I started getting worried and wondered if they had gotten in a crash or decided not to deal with me anymore. My parents weren't neglectful or anything but the anxiety didn't stop.

Those thoughts were the usual ones I'd always get whenever they did not come home.

I rushed to my phone and checked my messages, I didn't like getting notifications so I always turned on my reading focus mode.

Messages from my mom and dad came up on my notification screen. They stated that they had an emergency business trip to take.

I texted them back and sighed, they always do this.

I'm never mad or anything, I just wish we could have quality family time. But at the same time, I'm glad all the 'what-if's' were gone from my head.

I headed downstairs to put the kettle on, I wanted to make a cup of vanilla tea, my favorite. I smiled and peeked outside to see the rain coming down a bit harshly.

One of the reasons I love having a tin roof is that you can hear the sounds clearer. It was the most beautiful sound I loved hearing.

Just when I was just about to sip my tea, the doorbell rang.

Confusion rang across my face. I don't think I was expecting anyone this early.

Racking my brain for an answer, I opened it expecting Kuroo because he's just always there.

Running a hand through my hair, "Kuroo, it's Saturday, go home." I looked up to see not Kuroo, but my deskmate.

I stiffened, embarrassed. I immediately looked at my fuzzy socks and quietly spoke, "Oh, uh, you must be K-Kenma." I stumbled, my eyes widened a bit. I never stumble over my words.

He nodded and looked all over my flushed cheeks and lazy outfit.

Like the dumbass I am, I finally realized that it was still raining and he was bound to get soaked by the gutters if I didn't let him in.

I motioned for him to come and he mumbled a quiet, "Thank you."

I watched him like a hawk as he took off his shoes, setting them neatly beside one another. I awkwardly headed back to the kitchen for my tea then went up the stairs with him following me. I mean where else is he gonna go?

Wait, would he think I'd want something from him by immediately inviting him into my room? I shoved the weird thought from my mind and focused on where he was.

I sat on my unmade bed and grabbed my book from my nightstand. I clicked on the lamp, which was a beautiful, white flower lily.

"Uh, make yourself a home?" I questionably said, I never have been in a situation like this before.

I crossed my legs and opened my book as he sat on the edge of my bed which was weird. I had a white Ikea desk with a swirly chair, a reading nook in the corner, and a window seat. And yet, he sat on the edge of my bed.

After reading for a few minutes, I couldn't focus into my book. I mean, there's a strange sitting across from me. I looked up and he was playing on a switch.

That went on for hours.

Kenma had moved onto my bed more, sitting against the wall. His legs were crisscrossed and he was still playing his game.

I had leaned off the edge of my bed where half of my body was dangling off of it. I was hanging upside down and reading my book.

Kenma and I had settled into a comfortable silence and acknowledgment of each other. We hadn't touched but occasionally our eyes would meet when he lost a round or I discovered something juicy from my book.

The rain hadn't stopped which I was grateful for. I could feel the hunger rumbling in my stomach and I telling by his facial expression, Kenma was getting hungry too.

I sat up, earning the look of Kenma's curious eyes on me. I walked out of my room with the feeling of something that can only be described as nervousness in my belly.

I grabbed snacks from the kitchen, I wasn't sure how he felt about 'healthier' type snacks but it was all I had due to my distaste for 'junk' food. I returned  with the snacks and two bottles of water and two bottles of sugar free snapple.

Setting it all down on my bed, I took a few swings of my water while eating alongside him.

We resumed what we were doing after about fifteen minutes of silent eating

I guess Kenma had gotten comfortable with me because after eating he had set my legs in his lap. Well of course, asked me with his eyes, which honestly surprised me. He still had his eyes glued to the screen of his Nintendo switch.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang which made me jump. I had just gotten over the feeling of surprise from my legs in his lap and got to a good reading spot.

I sluggishly got up irritated at who would be at my door for the second time today. When opening it, I was faced with a bed-headed cat and his usual cheeky smirk. 

"What do you want Kuroo?" I asked quietly, afraid he would disturb my peace and quiet like he usually does. He waltzed right in, ignoring my question.

"Oya, so how are you two love birds doing? Hitting it off well?" He loudly spoke, which made me wince.

Kuroo headed up to my room with me, of course, trailing along. We found Kenma sitting how I left him, he was there snacking on my veggie chips.

"We're not lovebirds Kuroo." Kenma spoke up as my ears perked up from hearing his voice.

"What are you doing here?" I repeated my question and got myself comfortable with Kenma again.

He stared at us, his eyes following back and forth before trailing at my legs on Kenma's lap.

"Definitely lovebirds. Friends don't just lay the way you two are." His mischievous grin was irritating.

I gave him a 'you're a dumbass' look and glanced at Kenma.

"No kuroo, we aren't dating. Even if we were, I don't think we'd tell you," I said calmly picking my book up. I wasn't going to waste my precious time on a dumbass like him.

I saw Kenma nod, out the corner of my eye, he agreed with me.

"And what exactly have you and Kenma been doing?" One eye brown perched up on his ridiculous face, funny enough, the only eye brow we could see from his haircut.

"We've been lying here," Kenma answered for me and this time it was my turn to nod.

"So you're telling me, I set you two up and all you've been doing is playing games and reading.." Kuroo stood there dumbfounded.

"No, not exactly, we did eat some." I gestured over to the pile of half eaten snacks set in the middle of my bed.

"You two are hopeless...and made for each other." His voice trailed off as he left my room.

I perked an ear, trying to listen and see if he was gonna leave my house, and he did.

I snickered, returning to my book, I admit that my eyes needed new attention and that Kenma with his two toned hair was thinking the same thing.

"What do you want to do?" I hesitantly asked Kenma as he set his game down and me with my book.

"Can we make something?"

"Uh sure, I think my mom bought some ingredients for cupcakes last week. Is that alright?" I asked getting up and marking my book while setting it on my nightstand.

He nodded and we headed downstairs with Kenma in front of me now. I never really noticed it since we've mostly been sitting down but he's taller than me.

A strange thought came to mind as I was thinking of our conversation.

'A child.'

My eyes widened and my heart rate sped up. I cursed at myself for ever thinking that. What the hell? I've just known the guy for a couple of hours and I'm already thinking of a child? I've been reading too much lately.

I breathed out a sigh and tied my apron back once we were in the kitchen. I held out an extra apron for Kenma and he gladly took it.

"Three eggs please," I said reading the instructions from the cupcake box I grabbed from the cabinet. I decided to reach up and grab the flour from there while I was at it.

Once he found the eggs in the fridge, he broke the eggs into a glass bowl, making sure not to get any eggshells in the mixture.

'He can break my back.'

What the fuck (y/n)? Where are all these thoughts coming from?

Probably from the lack of sleep your dumbass got.

That's great. Now I'm talking to myself and responding.

I suddenly got nervous while pouring some flour in and accidentally got it on Kenma's chest. I fucking need sleep, how in the hell?

"Oh god, I'm so sorry." I nervously spoke trying to get it off. He raised a brow, took some flower and plopped it on my head.

I paused, just staring at him with my jaw dropped.

Holding eye contact, I grabbed up a handful of flour and threw it on his hair too. I cracked a smile as he shook his head and the flour flew out like snow.

Soon, we were throwing tons of flour on each other, the kitchen had become a war zone. Mind and his laughs were bouncing off the walls in the kitchen.

I squealed as he shoved some down the back of my hoodie.

"Kenma!" I threw my head back in laughter as I chased him around my kitchen, I wanted to put some down his pants.

"You're never going to get me!" He smiled at me. I felt my heart almost stop, he looked.. cute. Which was completely new for me.

I could feel my cheeks start to flush until an idea sparked in my head. I grabbed an egg from the carton and threw it at him.

This time it was his turn to stare at me with his jaw dropped. Just like the flour war, next came the eggs, then cocoa, and cupcake mixture.

At this point, we were the cupcakes just unbaked.

"Payback, (y/n)." Kenma whispered in my ear, making me shiver, or maybe it was the cold water that was just dumped on my head.

I gasped loudly, flailing my arms every which way. Kenma stood by me laughing, with his arms holding his stomach. What a lovely sound, it was pure happiness.

I smirked and shook my long hair next to him, the ingredients getting on him. Finally, it came to an end when we got tired of throwing ingredients at each other.

I went to the pantry to grab two hand towels that I didn't care to use to clean us up.

"What in the hell.." I looked up after cleaning my face with a towel. I saw Kuroo standing in the doorway, confusion drawn on his face like no other.

"What the hell did you two do?" He asked astonished at us and the messed up kitchen. I mean, it was a sight to see. I haven't had this much engaging fun in forever.

I started giggling at the mess and Kenma looked at me and started laughing alongside me.

"I leave and you two are sitting on your bed, all quiet and calm. But when I come back you two are making the biggest mess in all of history," He exclaims his eyes bolting around the room and his movements a little frantic.

"Kenma, can you help me clean up please?" I asked nicely and headed over to get the dishwater started.

"Yes ma'am," he said and smirked, bringing his hand up and sprinkling sugar above my head.

I sniffed by accident then sneezed when there was a molecule of sugar in my nose. I looked up at him afterwards and what looked like blush was coating his cheeks.

Smiling innocently, I took the dish hose and sprayed him lightly.

I earned a gasp and high-pitched but slightly drawn out, "(Y/n)." from him.

Before he could say anything else Kuroo's loud voice came over us.

"So you two are dating? Hitting it off well, oya?" He asked with a smirk that only seemed to hint at other things.

I glanced up at Kenma and he looked down at me.

It seemed as if they both silently agreed to ignore him. In our midst of cleaning, a grumbling Kuroo finally decided to help. The only things in the kitchen un cleaned were Kenma and I.

"Do you want to stay over and shower or..?" I waited for an answer while taking off my large hoodie, revealing my larger shirt underneath.

My hair was filled with gross food, well, technically cupcake ingredients.

"I guess I could stay over. I'll text my mo-"

"I'm staying over too." Kuroo announced without even asking.

I looked back at Kuroo to see if he has lost his damn mind.

"The hell? Just do whatever you want I guess." I rolled my eyes at him.

I was honestly surprised by my acts today, I'm not usually an outgoing person and yet I liked how today went. But I can also tell that Kenma isn't either.

"I'll go to my parents' shower, you two take a shower together or separately, I don't care." I smiled and gathered my things after giving Kenma my brother's clothes. He was in college so I doubt that he'd mind.

After I was done, I seriously thought that they had taken a shower together but it turns out they just took short ones. Who knows? I was in the shower trying to get egg out of my hair. I couldn't have had hot water either, it would've cooked them.

Instead of making an actual dinner meal like yesterday, I decided to order pizza just so Kuroo could shut up about it.

"You know Kuroo, I'm picking up actions that Bokuto would use. Not a good sign," I said and turned on a movie in my room.

"Hey! That's mean- oh." He realized, I guess he must've been spending much more time with him. Not a problem in my book though.

I was eager to sleep since I hadn't got any last night. Kenma and Kuroo slept on the air mattress we had blown up in the middle of my floor.

I dived underneath my covers, not even having time to adjust before I fell into a deep slumber.

I woke up from a gentle poke to my shoulder. I peeked up one eye and saw Kenma hovering over me. Groaning, I sat up and rubbed my eyes for better sight.

"Kenma? What's wrong?" I eyed my clock, it was one in the morning.

"Kuroo took over the air mattress. I'm gonna sleep with you." He softly spoke and lightly scooted me over to the wall.

"Uh, okay I guess?" I whispered, not sounding so sure but was too full of sleep to really think about it.

I closed my eyes and waited for Kenma to stop moving so I could sleep.

"(Y/n)? About what Kuroo said, if we were to date we wouldn't tell him right?" His voice talked into the darkness.

This meant that I couldn't really see his face, I could only guess what he was hinting at.

"Oh..yeah.." I answered, sobering up from sleep.

"Well, can we do the-uh, dating e-eachother." He stumbled over his words which made me smile a bit.

My face was burning underneath the covers that he could easily steal away from me.

"I think I'd like that very much, Kenma." I smiled, not stumbling over my words.

I felt an arm pull me closer to his chest and kiss my cheek. My heart beat like a drum inside my chest as I tried to find my slumber again. The weight of his arm around my waist. The kiss on my cheek. The warmth of-

"Goodnight, (Y/n)." Kenma's voice rang out, soothing my thoughts.

I smiled softly and closed my eyes. I guess this kind of love wasn't a waste of time after all.

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

a/n: this is from my “Haikyuu x Reader Oneshots” on Wattpad! I hope you enjoyed and let me know if you want more!

the header is from lena!! on Pinterest

[that-girl-lyra]

30.07.2023

Not sure if "nostalgic" would be the correct word for what I'm feeling this morning, but thats the only word I can come up with.

When I first moved to Ireland, I had nothing but a backpack full of whatever I could stuff in it. Some clothes, my laptop, a kindle, and a pair of headphones. I searched endlessly for work cleaning houses, walking dogs, anything I could do to keep myself head above water in a new country, all while trying to make my music with whatever free time I could spare.

I remember how excited I was to buy a bike to help save my legs from walking 20,000+ steps a day, and then how proud I felt when I saved enough money to buy an electric scooter. These tiny milestones I fondly look back on, and today is no exception.

That was just a little over a year ago. Now, I am steady. Still self employed, but my income is good, and I have more time to dedicate to my music. Somehow throughout everything, Ive managed and still manage to keep myself not only afloat, but put food in my fridge, pay my bills, and have a bit extra left over to stick into savings, as well as pay for a few fun things here and there.

I suppose the words my mind is searching for would be "greatful", "proud", "accomplished", and "content".

Life so far has been a weird, wacky, stressful, painful, disturbing and downright heartbreaking journey these past 26 to 27 years of my life. And honestly, despite the pain and awful things I've been through, Im not too sure if I'd change any of it, if its what it took to get me where I am now.

If anyone is reading this wee blog of mine, just know that no matter where you find yourself in life, there is always a way.

Nothing is impossible. Just difficult.

[crying-fantasies]

In acceptance

Masterlist

Part 1 | part 2

"So you aren't from the stars?" Jazz almost laughs, he chooses to keep silence while smiling, maybe a snicker did get out of his voice box, looking at you and some telescope he helped to get back together, at first you didn't tell him why you wanted it so bad, but then you said: "I want to see your home"

He was happy with youru enthusiasm, still, he didn't want to see sadness overwhelm your happy face if, naturally, youdidn't find it, "Cybertron isn't there, sweetspark", and that's how your question came to be, so he had to explain.

"Cybertron is pretty far, far away" the idea made him sad, moving his servos to put more distance, make his point present and for distraction of your sadness, "we can't see it from here"

"Not even with this?" You showed him your little telescope, Jazz kept on his smile, running a digit on your little head, you were trying to make him smile, truly do it.

"If my ol' pal Percy was here, I'm more than sure he would've loved to show you", you made a little sound, hands on his armor and almost climbing on him, Jazz let you do your do, it wasn't the first time you did it and he learned to put his servos at a certain distance to prevent any accident, he was grateful in the way you shook your shoes before putting them on his armor.

"Percy seems to be a good bot", you took seat with ease, recharging on his mid section, he could feel your warm body, how you kept on looking at the sky.

"Indeed", he helped you, using a digit to direct you to the correct way, Cybertron may be hundreds of light years away but that was the correct direction.

One he still remembers and will possibly never forget.

"Do you miss your home?" The lense was now directed at him, you got him thinking, he did miss Cybertron, but the Cybertron from before war.

He wasn't going to tell you about gruesome war details, you were a being born and raised in moderate peace, Optimus would never let you or other humans be tainted by their war if he could do something about it first.

But it was happening already.

"I do, there I had a big habsuit unit with all my favorite instruments"

"Like your electric bass"

"Like my Aghartan electro bass, uhum, I'd many, an' sometimes I had time to play some, play with the cords and even reunite with friends to make music together"

It was easy, talk to you have always been easy and comfortable once the usual screaming died down, you were little then, young even to human standard, full of curiosity for the world around you and the one Jazz told you about, a world full of mechs like and unlike him, "some angry like Ratchet?" "Some like Ratch, but don't call him that, he'll get sad", and all the great things his people did, every great invention done to improve the life of every bot around "Like what Wheeljack did yesterday?" "Yes, but without the fire and the explosion"

You were full of questions he was willing to answer and you were full of attention and understanding he was grateful to have, more than once Jazz thought he was kind of making you see things way too different, in some way? He wasn't sure, but it was endearing when you tried to give him a rusting piece of metal after he told you about how he liked rust sticks and how those were famous snacks back in Cybertron.

Jazz couldn't consume it, Ratchet would be nagging at him endlessly if he consumed rust of a metal stick that has been who-knows-where, but he was grateful nonetheless.

Time moved on, because that's what it does, Jazz left you for what seemed to be a few days, like you called it, and when he came back you weren't little anymore, well, you were indeed little, but not as he remembered while he used his servo to compare how you changed, but you didn't let him do more than use his scanner and HUD while getting away from his most physical iterations.

"Nice upgrades there" you looked embarrassed, he wasn't sure why, you had little things on your face which you tried to cover, you didn't have those before, "a nice surprise to be sure", you looked mortified by his words and he should've been prepared for your hormone induced changes and how to handle them without previous preparation, he wasn't like that when his armor first formed, but hey, everyone rolled different.

"Don't lie, this is horrible" you truly disliked your upgrades, and he tried to understand your point of view, he holds a digit to you and your response was almost instantaneous, little hands taking his servo, looking puzzled when you saw a little thing on it, "What is this?"

"Just a lil' something, a comm' line specially for you, so that we can talk al' night long" he pointed to his audials, and you took the thing to your ear, at that very same moment he took on his wheels and put some distance, you looked confused for a moment but then you heard his voice directly on your ear, "I missed you, sweetspark"

Your face was red, and Jazz laughed softly at your wide eyes, looking at his alt-mode almost mesmerized, shiny by tears he knew, and hoped, were of happiness, "Happy 20 earth orbital cycles".

Your laugh made him laugh, even when you didn't do it as much as before, at least you smiled for him and he could hear your happiness from the communicator.

It was brightness in all it's splendor, a moment he wanted to preserve on his databank for eternity, knowing full well, even among all his positiveness, that someone will come and take it away from his servos mercilessly.

Just like he thought it did happen, but little by little, and he didn't have time nor response to cover you in time, things got darker, uglier by every mean, and he didn't want you dragged in between all the spilled energon and blood dripping from his servos, but taking distance wasn't enough, it was never enough, everything they touched, everything their war touched was indeed bound to be destroyed in front of them, in front of him, and even when Jazz wasn't there to see for himself you being ripped from life he felt it, silence filling the space around him, making difficult even his movement, radio silence and interference that he tried to keep away with every song you've said you loved in front of him or at least hummed near him, always being mindful of you and in what you could talk next time he saw you or got to call you.

But now he couldn't reach you, all he had was music, songs to fill the void, and oh boy, does he has a very long masterlist, all thanks to you, but is your very same existence that got the silence there, like a menacing presence waiting for the pause in between the words to drag him down again.

When he was a younger spark Jazz liked to think that things, even in the worst days, could take a turn for the better, well, on those days the worst that could happen to him was a disgruntled mech trying to make a ruckus in the streets and his job was to take care of it as the police, or the days he forgot to pay a bill, something that at the moment was almost extenuating or stressing at worst, daydreaming about being a musician.

Now, those things were like jokes when he finally returns to earth's surface, looking at the devastation around, at the bodies or frames lacking of life or spark, everything was consumed and, at the end, destroyed with their killer.

He helps with the reconstruction, he wants to get his servos to work, filling on hope and hang there for dear life, with time Primus does have mercy on him and he gets hope, finding friends he thought were now lost, humans and bots alike, he is happy while he moves with the group of founded people and bots that is getting bigger with time, helping move the debris away in search for more survivors or to mourn whoever they find too late.

It's not until he gets near your house that his hope, once again, faltered and also incremented, he has been in this place so many times, be it die or dead missions searching for cons, be it little escapades with you sleeping soundly over his chassis on his alt-mode while music is playing or singing.

Be it just looking at the few stars on the polluted sky.

Is a place full of memories, some that attack him even when he doesn't want them now, not when he gets a distress signal being showed on his internal computer, almost making him go back by the surprise, last thing he thought to see when he put a pede on your city was to get a distress signal from you communication device, the very same one he gave you years ago.

He doesn't listen, Jazz is a bot with a mission once again when he gets to where the distress signal in coming from, it's weak, almost not existing, but he holds on hope for dear life itself again while his servos get the debris away, shouting out your name and expecting you to call out for his designation.

Still, when his friends get to him is to take him away, telling him that it's fine when his servo circuits are again so weak Jazz can't get back on his pedes by himself, searching for strength to raise again in Ironhide's arms that are holding him when all he finds is the almost off-lined gadget, destroyed beyond repair, finally giving up it's last energy after being found and ceasing any signal.

It was nothing more than a wish, a prayer, that he would find you, and yet again he can't bring himself to smile when he has to look at his group, he feels tired, he feels so tired while looking at all the destruction and he doesn't know if he can keep going.

"Jazz?"

In all honesty, he thinks his brain module really got damaged when he hears your voice, maybe he has really lost it to this point, just like Prowl told him he would when he got back to earth with a goal on mind, "Numbers don't look good" Prowl has always been direct with this, with him, and it's something Jazz has come to accept and be grateful for because his friend does care, "don't rise your hopes too high" he told Jazz before he smiled back at him, the light on his visor weak enough to be blow off like a candle.

"Hope is the last thing you lose, Prowler"

"Jazz, are you okay?!" You are covered in wounds, dirt and one of your eyes is almost painted red and purple around, one of your arms looks out of place with the group of survivors that looked in the same damaged state, there is dried blood on you and Jazz reminds himself to be careful, to not scare you away like the last time he saw you.

He is running away from Ironhide's grip, who let's him go happily, Jazz is indeed careful, like he has always been with you, but that doesn't stop him from raising you in the air and bring you close with a hug, shielding you from the world with his whole body, to who is he saying never endings thank you's is still a mystery to you, but you still feel every word with his intake pressed to your head while one servo holds it there and the other presses you to his chassis.

You do hug him back, at least with the last good arm you have, and that's what makes you cry in relief and makes him hug you harder.

.

In the cannon continuity Jazz's human indeed dies, being one of the victims of Unicron and it's Maximals army, Jazz does find what was left and the communicator he gave as a gift, he stays on earth like the comic and tries to cherish the past with friends that he has lost.

In this continuity, in this AU! Jazz is happy, he is reunited with his human that later on is his conjunx, he is creator of three younglings and still very much in love with his conjunx, Jazz gets his happy ending in my AU! Because I adore him and because he deserves it.

[blueesnow]

Hijirikawa Masato's Birthday (Year 1) Voicelines Translation.

-You can look at it again on the Event Log, Mini-Event section (for the other boys messages to him) and Talk section (for a one-on-one conversation with you and him) in Idol Page.

-Also the translations might not be fully accurate since I'm not that fluent on jp/en, so if i ever made a mistake do correct me🙏

<You (Player)> Masato: Thank you. Can you tell that my emotions have been running high since a while ago? I suppose this is the right time to use the phrase of “overwhelmed with emotions”. Masato: Just looking at you, who are so happy for me as if it's your own, makes me feel endlessly filled with love.

<Otoya> Otoya: Happy Birthday, Masa! I'm really glad that I was able to become friends with the kind and reliable Masa. Masato: Ittoki is really good at expressing his feelings frankly. Thank you. I need to put my feelings into words more.

<Natsuki> Natsuki: I wish you a Happy Birthday! Masato-kun always listens to me seriously no matter what I talk about, you're really reliable! Masato: Thank you. I do admire Shinomiya's calm composure at all times. I'd like to follow your example.

<Tokiya> Tokiya: I wish you a Happy Birthday. Hijirikawa-san's deep compassion has always been helping me out. Masato: Thank you. I'm also being indebted to Ichinose's help a lot. Let's have a cup of tea again sometime.

<Ren> Ren: Birthday is such a joyous occasion, right? You could've at the very least smile for today, Hijirikawa. Something good might happen y'know? Masato: People like you… Well, let me at least say thank you first. But still, I'm actually having fun myself here.

<Syo> Syo: Happy Birthday, Hijirikawa! We have quite a lot in common, don't we? Let's continue to work hard and have fun together! Masato: True, maybe it's because we're both a big brother. I'll be relying on you a lot, so let's work hard together.

<Cecil> Cecil: Happy Birthday. I learned so many things from Masato, especially on Japanese culture. Masato: Thank you. Teaching Aijima is not hard at all. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me anytime.

<Reiji> Reiji: Happy Birthday, Hijirin♪ You're always so considerate and caring to me, but I think it's okay for you rely on your senpai once in a while y'know☆ Masato: Thank you very much, Kotobuki-senpai. Although those words seems like a waste for me, I'll try and keep them in mind.

<Ranmaru> Ranmaru: Happy Birthday, Masato. I baked some melon breads. You can take as much as you want later. Don't hold back for today. Masato: Kurosaki-san…! Thank you very much. I'll be in your guidance for today onwards.

<Ai> Ai: Happy Birthday, Masato. I bought you some brushes as a present. Let me hear about the differences of it sometime. Masato: Thank you very much, Mikaze-senpai! I'll make sure to prepare a detailed report that will satisfy you.

<Camus> Camus: Happy Birthday, Hijirikawa. Your work as an actor is quite impressive. Keep up the good work. Masato: Camus-senpai, I'm honored by your compliment. I'd like to learn a lot from your example.

<Eiichi> Eiichi: I heard that it's your birthday today. Your calm and serene appearance seems worthy to study as a fellow worker. Masato: O-Oh, thank you very much. It's a little bit embarrassing to call it something to study for… but I'll do my best to live up to your words.

<Kira> Kira: Happy… Birthday. I'd like… to do a piano session together… with each other's songs. Masato: Oh, that's a nice idea. I'd love to do that with you. I'll prepare a sweet souvenir for you when the time comes.

<Nagi> Nagi: I heard that it's your birthday~ Happy Birthday. Since Nagi's celebrating yours, you should show me more of your smiles~ Masato: Oh, forgive me. I ended up listening to your words seriously. Thank you.

<Eiji> Eiji: I wish you a Happy Birthday. Your posture and manners are always so beautiful that I'm taken aback every time I see you. Masato: Thank you. I think your posture is beautiful as well… It's encouraging to hear you say that.

<Van> Van: It's your birthday today? Happy Birthday. You always look so tense, so let's take it easy for today, will ya! Masato:I'll keep your words in mind. Thank you very much. Oh no, I'm being stiff again…

<Yamato> Yamato: Happy Birthday. Your music is really good. I can feel it resonating sharply in my heart. Masato: Sharply… I'm happy to hear that my performance has reached you that much. Thank you for the compliment.

<Shion> Shion: It's your birthday, huh. Your embroidery work was a work of an art. I heard that your sewing skills are also incredible. Masato: It's not something you could call a work of an art, but… Thank you for the compliment. I could teach you if you're interested. It's good for improving your concentration.

[dolorequiem]

I have no idea what I'm doing, this is so random and came from a sentence that crossed my mind. I didn't correct it so I apologize if it's a torture for the eyes (my english sucks sometimes). "She" is literaly whoever you want her to be for Aegon, and honestly that's just a one shot (Aegon isn't a rapist in this thing, need him to be pathetic not loathsome).

Anyway have fun reading it ig ? No warnings it's nothing. (It's very short)

Love ya ♡

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𝕯𝖔 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖈𝖗𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖎𝖙 ?

⋆༺⋆°⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ 𓆩⚔𓆪

── He missed childhood. He missed how careless he could be, how free he was, how funny it had been to be with his nephews, even when they were fighting.

Now the fight was all different. Freedom was gone, and the crown he had never asked for was heavy on his brow. It was hard to keep a head high, when all he wanted to do was to crawl back in the bed of youth and carelessness.

Of course, alcohol helped in a way but it did not ease all of the burden. As Aegon walked through a corridor, holding himself against the wall to keep his balance, he stumbled on the step he hadn't seen and fell on his knees, his crown dropping from his head and rolling on the floor.

When she saw him lose his balance, she sighed. Her heels echoed on the stone floor as she walked toward him and bent down, picking up his fallen crown.

Aegon felt humiliated. His hand shot out, trying to reach for it but he just stumbled on his knees more as she pulled her hand away, holding the crown high above her shoulder. He gritted his teeth as he saw the look of judgement on her face. He felt like a child and he hated that, he hated this gaze, it was like his mother's. Cruel, disappointed...and careless, in a way.

"Give it to me." He said, voice cold as he got to his feet.

He hated being made a fool of. And that was all he felt like, a drunken fool. Her eyes swept over his disheveled form, his black cape splayed on the stone as he stayed sat. He had given up on trying to stand, leaning his back against the nearest wall.

"What, this?" She looked at the dark iron crown in her soft hand, and the little rubies in it. "It seems too heavy for you," she murmured, her voice soft like honey, but holding the same bitter-sweet taste as it.

Aegon's eyes narrowed and he gritted his teeth some more. It was clear, she knew he was drunk, and she was mocking him. It only increased his irritation. She'd go around and tell the whole castle how awful of a king he made, how awful of a human being he was.

"Give it back!" he repeated as he tried to reach for the piece of jewelry.

She intercepted his hand by taking it in her own and helped him to stand back on his feet. Her fingers were warm and soft in his sweaty palm, her grip stronger than he expected.

He stared down at her hand, the way it fitted in his, the rings on her fingers cold against his skin She sighed, letting go of his hand once he was settled on his feet, her fingertips lingering on the back of it.

Aegon remained quiet, staring at her. He could have her head. One order, and she'd be dead for having snatched his crown like this.

"Careful where you make it fall, one day it will roll at the feet of someone craving it," she ended up murmuring, holding the heavy iron piece up and setting it down onto his brow.

Aegon was still, listening to her words and feeling the weight of the crown on his head again. Gods, he hated it. The crown of the conqueror, yet he had nothing to conquer. He should, he should want to take those lands, this power back from his older sister Rhaenyra... but it felt wrong. He just wanted to crawl back into his bed and sleep endlessly, away from duty, away from the title he never asked.

"Do you crave it?" He asked, looking down at her. "The crown, I mean."

"Power is a poison. Yet when you taste it, you need more." She shook her head, her hand falling of his crown, now sat back upon his silver white hair. "I'd rather stay away from the throne."

She was right. This crown was pourring poison right into his glass of wine and one day, he'd choke on it and die, murdered by the weight of a burden which wasn't even his.

"Wise choice." Aegon said, nodding, his eyes now trailing from her hand, up her arm, to her face.

She looked up at him. "You should chose wisely too," she whispered, before she walked away from him.

She had seen right through his inner conflict.

Aegon stood there alone, following her with his gaze, a hand against the wall to keep himself steady. Maybe he should just fly to Dragonstone and give his crown to Rhaenyra. She was kind, she would spare him. And maybe then he'd go live a quiet life, somewhere is Essos.

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⋆༺⋆°⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ under the light of the seven 𓆩⚔𓆪

[stinky-toons]

Ask and you recieve mwhaahah...If I was a villain in Gotham they'd call me the Rambler and I'd endlessly talk forever

I never share stuff but..there is a playlist for him...that'd have to be given through dms though and asked for anyway pressing on this is a more apocalyptic setting, of course, so later on I'll be dropping Murdoc's reference sheet and his personal survival guide! Huzzah!! He wears a gas mask similar to what the boogie man wore as a small reference and each time he has it on he's paranoid, it also limits his sight and allows 2D to stalk about more freely. Another fun fact is that 2D has had approximately: 5 exact correct moments in which he could've killed Murdoc (he keeps it in a log in his dairy which is just a bunch of scribbles because no cognitive comprehension. Zombie.) 2D hasn't killed him only due to the fact he's having fun and toying with Murdoc to get him paranoid, that and a meal is best tasting when absolutely horrified. According to 2D. He has also tried to leave notes to tell Murdoc his weaknesses and HOW he could have killed him but Murdoc can't read what he's writing. But it does make him more on edge so 2D thinks it's a win either way.

2D is hungry, that much is true and has a weird concept over Murdoc. He excuses his 'obsession' by just saying he's gotta stay close to his meal to eat it. He was very murderous in intent in the beginning until he kept watching Murdoc. I won't specifically get into WHY he started liking Murdoc (Only just made this au last night at exactly 2 am, it's shocking I even thought THIS far) but he started to and it wasn't ever normal and it's to the point where he's absolutely obsessed and enamoured to a stalking degree

This is alot more about 2D than I thought Murdoc has his own lore but this is running a bit LONG GULP...And I cant spoil the plot yk ...TLDR: You have a stalker zombie bf who torments you but also maybe likes you but he's half dead so you're not into it

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

"If I was ever wrong about anything I’d be the first to admit it" really? Because I've seen lots of shit you've been wrong about and you just ignore any corrections and dismissing hard evidence in order to keep your beliefs. Rejecting reality because it doesn't conform to what you think. Spouting tired old lies that have been disproven time and again to maintain the narrative.

I will say I don't obsessively trawl through my notes responding to everyone who responds to me. I get thousands of notes per day, and it's very possibly I miss responses that may or may not prove me wrong about something.

But for the most part, when someone claim they've "proven" me wrong, they haven't done any such thing. I can't even count how many times a supposed link that proves me wrong has, within the body of the article I'm being linked to, actually said exactly what I'd been saying. People who try to debate me will refuse to read past headlines, or will send me debunked nonsense, or refuse to accept any source I give that doesn't agree with them, or a million other ways of debating in bad faith. When that starts happening, I stop responding. I have zero time or interest in going over the same points with the same people over and over again because you guys think that endlessly restating your opinions somehow means you're right.

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤️

<3 Ooohhh ok hm... honestly i do not post much fic (checked AO3 and only 18), for the amount that i start writing and then leave in various stages of completion in drafts on my computer, oops. Unfortunately at least 1 favorite is in that category, but here we go!

Fallout from the Fade (Dragon Age: Inquisition): Hawke is left in the fade during the events of DAI's Here Lies The Abyss, but manages to fight her way back out. However she's left to recover from the severe side effects and trauma that come along. Ok my confession here is while i have not updated this fic since 2020, i have in fact written more of it. But since i kept going so long (months... and then years...) between chapters I decided it'd be better if i just finish writing the rest myself (at least roughly) so i know how much more there is to go and can update it on a more regular schedule in the future when i start posting again. Alas i am very slow at this bc of grad school and also bc i get distracted easily and... have less motivation to work on it when not actually getting feedback as i go. So i may change my mind about this approach eventually but it's where the fic stands now.

Like Teeth Against His Heart (Dragon Age: Inquisition): After Solas wakes up from uthenera, he has many conversations with a variety of spirits over the course of DAI. Sometimes they tell him what he wants to hear, and sometimes they don't. I typically like the recent things I've written the most and this is that. It's a prose-poem style that plays with formatting, aka its kind of Weird, and weird is my favorite. I wrote it for a charity zine which also meant i had to have a Final Version rather than endlessly tweak it forever which was irritating at the time but also good for me.

Unposted, No-Finalized-Title fic, with the file jokingly named 'Sam I Am' (Mass Effect: Andromeda): pre-Andromeda and game timeline but from the perspective of your ship's AI, who also lives inside your character's brain, and in the game admits to altering your brain/body, and hello??? the game did NOT let me respond to that to the degree I desired? One of my literary obsessions is the combination of AI (the sci fi kind not... generative art etc) plus human augmentation... what that does to both parties sense of self, their relationships, how they view and function in the world, etc. In the vein of Silently And Very Fast by Cat Valente, Imperial Radch by Ann Lecke, Murderbot by Martha Wells... and I spent soooo much time wishing Andromeda had gone deeper into that angle/thinking about it myself I wrote. Quite a long fic about it. But i only played the game once and there wasn't much fan love/fanworks for it so I never posted it or any other Andromeda stuff I wrote, it was more just for myself. I'd like to go back and finish this fic but I estimate it'd be in the 40-70k word range and i'd need to replay the game to refresh my memory so it's like, a project for when i have a bunch of free time at some point in the future, since it's mostly just for Me.

the people you love become ghosts inside of you, and like this, you keep them alive (Mass Effect trilogy): Snippets of a variety of Garrus' thoughts and memories of Shepard, and a growing realization about the nature of love like theirs. I don't expect anyone to love this one but me, because it's just a self-indulgent thing I wrote specifically to figure out the flavor of grief involved in the relationship between my personal Shepard and Garrus. It's not as poem-formatted as my Solavellan one but the prose leans hard in that direction, and they came from the same place for me. I wrote it after finishing the trilogy because I (unlike a lot of fans, i know) felt very adamant that the correct ending for my Shepard is that she is dead now, and not coming back, and needed to cry some more about that.

like the leaves after a long winter (Dragon Age II): It's the first Christmas/Satinalia since Leandra's death, and Hawke is not in the mood for festivities -- until she realizes that everyone else will be spending it alone and finds herself hosting a party without even meaning to. I'll be honest #5 spot was kind of a toss up between this one, Less A Man Than A Wild Cat, and Grief. But I've decided on this one because 1. it covers my favorite thing to write about aka grief, but is actually written as a story/proper narrative unlike others i've already put on this list. With fanfic the most important thing to me before anything else is self-indulgence. While I love writing for prompts (like this one was!), my specific joy in that is taking an idea from someone else and figuring out how to cram all the things I care about into someone else's plot summary. Fanfic for me is like... it feels weird to call it 'writing exercises' because that implies i don't care about the final project when i very much do. Writing challenges? Maybe? Idk i just really enjoy having limitations to work within. Having NO boundaries is where I do my original content writing, so writing within the bounds of an existing franchise already means there's some limits (like keeping to characterizations, plot, etc) and then adding more on top makes it a fun experience and keeps me engaged.

While these are my top 5, I definitely don't think most of them are what other people would pick as a favorite from my (admittedly very limited) amount of posted writing, Fallout from the Fade being the exception. I think my friends probably like the one where I turned Fenris into a cat best (and that was VERY fun it's just also more lighthearted which i struggle to write sooooo bad), and then every one else is in my inbox about the single Solas x F!Travelyan fic I wrote largely as an experiment in writing sex scenes. sorry to everyone who read that and then tried to read my other fics and discovered its mostly blood and loss and Yearning...

[writerfae]

Hi!

So, I just now noticed that the link for The first regents of fae alignments was working, and I read what their each of their regalia can do, and I have a lot of thoughts!

(I apologize if I misspelled any names)

First:

Cathan's is a bow and arrow that never misses... do I remember correctly that you said Rook and his relationship was similar to Henry and Aiden? Because if so, then: OH MY GOD!

Even if I don't: someone give that thing to Aiden! Let him play with it!

Second:

I would like Brynn's dagger that never strikes down someone innocent, please! That one's my favorite, I think.

It also got me thinking about what regalia my ocs would want/have, and I think it's really interesting:

Starting with Endre:

While I don't think I would actually give him one since he's magic is already so powerful by itself I will say that Caitria's shield that can cast a protective barrier kinda does a similar thing to Endre's wings:

They say that even one triarhist can grow their wings to be so large that they can hide the whole country behind them.

A triarhist's first and most important job is to protect. Even beyond that, Endre is a very protective person. If someone he loves is having problems, he tries to step in to help.

Ákos:

Fionn's spear that always spends warmth and light.

While Ákos doesn't know how to use a spear that well, some of his fondest memories are when Bendegúz showed him how to use his spear. Not only that, but what he learned from Bendegúz came in very handy in the Black swamp.

The Black swamp is cold, wet, and endlessly dark. When Adél and Bendegúz found him and finally warmed him up, that was one of the best feelings in the world. A feeling that I'm sure he'd want to share with others, too. That's why i'd give him the spear.

Bendegúz:

Bendegúz is a fighter, yes, but despite the fact that he jokes about fighting people constantly, when it comes down to it he is one of the first people to take a situation seriously (even if he continues to joke around).

Also, to him, wielding a weapon isn't just about conquering an enemy. It can be fun and creative.

This is why I think he'd either have Rook's sword or Cathan's bow and arrow. I think he'd use them quite wisely and creatively

Adél:

For Adél I actually think what would be fun if she was actually in a position like Cryptan, someone who serves her king, maybe even as a guard (Bendegúz in this case, because I think it'd be fun switching up which one of them is royalty)

(Though she'd look magnificent with Rook's sword)

Bonus:

Someone give Odette the dagger for dramatic irony

Hi! I only fixed the link yesterday, actually! It took me forever to find that damn post. I don’t even know if it’s still correct, there might’ve been some changes, but I need to check that first…

You do remember correctly! Rook and Cathan were pretty close. They liked to go hunting together, the bow came in quite handy there.

The dagger is a good choice! Then again, all are. I’d rather go for the shield, personally.

It’s interesting to see what regalia your ocs would want! The only remaining question now is what they would get, since the regalia were a gift from the gods and therefore couldn’t be chosen! The first regents all got the regalia that fits best to them.

I think since Odette is more than willing to sacrifice innocent people, the dagger would refuse her. That mindset, however noble the intentions might be, is completely against the nature of the dagger. So I’m not sure if she’d get to keep it 🙈

[pitohuimaki]

celebrity au question!!

so i wanna rework my band/celebrity au and start it over again (write it better, change some things, etc) but i also wanna change some formatting things!! i wanna include more graphics, because i really do love making those kinds of edits and also i think they're just a fun way to include those tweet-y text-y aspects of a fic, so you guys can kinda see exactly how i had it in my mind without trying to fit it into a plain text format yknow??

example:

Kazuto scrolled Twitter endlessly, reading comment after comment of people speculating on his relationship. 'If the song is right, and if we're interpreting it right, he proposed on Christmas and they broke up way before April.' 'Sachi releasing a song about her ex moving on... on her ex's birthday... when he was just seen with a potential new girlfriend. We will be streaming.' 'So Kirito broke up with Sachi a long time before it was reported? And the article in June saying they broke up in April was just PR?' 'Kirito proposed and then cheated? Bluebells, we ride at dawn.' He sighed, dropping his phone to the floor with an audible thud. People were already inventing a narrative. He would inevitably need to get his publicist to clarify details, but with Sachi's music coming out would there be any way that a simple article could even correct it? He turned his head to the guitar, still half-strung on his bedroom floor. After putting it off for a year, too lost in his own smoke cloud and too fresh off the breakup to write anything with the intention of sharing it, he needed to write. He couldn't let himself drown in her again.

but then a corresponding vs a tweet/tweets

i feel like when i'm writing, i have to stick to my main "voice" for that fic, and keep the tweets in that properly written, formal-feeling format. same with texts. and i don't think it particularly works, especially not for this fic

i'd also love to be able to make mockup instagram or twitter posts, album mockups, etc, but i LOVE doing those. i spent 5 hours learning new photoshop tricks today to make one! they're genuinely part of editing that i love so so so much because i have so much creative freedom. and making those silly little edits keeps me more motivated to write this fic at all lol

SO, my question, beloved followers, is this:

if i was to restart and refresh my band au, would you like to see it posted on ao3 with solely text, or posted on tumblr with images included? obviously i would still describe stuff, and like... properly write the fic. but y'know. for the vibes. for the ambience. for the immersion.

[chaosmushroomsushi]

I hate myself

someone help lol

I wish I could stop doing this shit to myself

I know this sounds more human than most my posts

maybe I should do this more often

just speak to the void like I'd speak to myself

I do think in the poetic lines I write

but it's not every thought

obviously

no one thinks purely in poetry

and my god dude. I am so fucking lonely

and I'm so tired of my trauma

and my chronic pain, can my bones just fucking stop?

I need a break

I need to be loved

unrequited love is the worst

dont ask why this is more tagged than normal when out of everything this is one of the last things I'd want to actually be seen a lot

I'm just talking because I have no one else to talk to

I have two friends I really talk to

and one I've been in love with since I was fucking 12

typing while dyslexic sucks. I've broken auto correct some

I wish I had a partner

but even if I did it wouldn't matter

I'd still torture myself endlessly

because I've never been good enough and I never will be

no one will ever actually choose me

no matter what I do or how hard I try

I will never be what someone wants

or if I am it's just using me until I'm no longer useful

I hate that this might be my most relatable post

and at the same time appreciate that the realness is what will make it that

but I hate we're all so traumatized that we feel people are incapable of loving us

I hate that others understand

but dude seriously how do you learn that you are capable of being loved

that you're actually not worthless and your only point is being used by people for so many different reasons

my content is so fucking inconsistent

is this what it feels like to unmask? even a little?

I feel like it should involve less joint pain lmfao

all I'm doing is laying in bed cuddling a frog stuffed animal with anime playing in the background typing out a shitty post on tumblr

just writing out my thoughts

I miss being held

I say that but I've never actually been held

I've never had someone to lay with and cuddle

I have to slow down my typing so tumblr doesnt lag which is stupid

stupid adhd

the mlm flag is so fucking pretty

I'm supposed to be asleep

I changed what anime was on so I didnt miss stuff so I could sleep

I need so much help

I have so much I need to talk to my therapist about already, it's been two days since my last session

how do I have more in 2 days than in the 2 weeks we couldn't meet

I mean its good but also what the fuck?

I miss him

I miss affection

fuck

I just

need to be held and loved

I hate life

if you read all this

why what mental illness do you have

dont forget food water and meds

any food counts even if you dont keep it down, protein shakes also count for either food or water but you can only choose one

ur still alive and that counts ❤ you did good kid