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mlove44lh · 1 year

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Don´t hurt yourself

Chapther 5 - Emptiness

Masterlist

Previously chapter

Warnings: mention of cheating, angst, swearing,

Words: 3.561

“God was in the room when the man said to the woman, "I love you so much. Wrap your legs around me. Pull me in, pull me in, pull me in." Sometimes when he'd have her nipple in his mouth, she'd whisper, "Oh, my God." That, too, is a form of worship.”

"He's here.” I didn't see his car or the lights in our apartment on, but I'm sure of it. It's like I can still feel his presence even though he's meters away. At least that hasn't faded away yet.

The tears from the earlier breakdown are still on my face, but I'm calmer now.

"He’s better be. Now come on, I'll help you upstairs."

Alessia unbuckles her seatbelt and opens the driver's door, but I grab her arm to stop her from getting out of the car.

"No, I'm fine. Let me go alone."

"Are you crazy? Look at you, Y/n. I'm not going to..."

"I'm serious," I interrupt her. "I don't want to go home being carried. I'm not that bad."

I am feeling terrible, but she doesn't need to know how much.

Alessia stares at me for a few seconds before relenting and closing the door on her side.

"Alright, but I'll stay right here, in case you need anything throughout the night. Just to make sure you're okay."

"Go home. I've already caused you enough trouble today. I'll be fine, I promise."

We stay silent for a few seconds before she speaks again.

"You know, if you need help hiding his body, I can assist you."

I chuckle amidst the mess of tears at her comment.

"I'll let you know."

I open the car door and unbuckle my seatbelt. Alessia grabs my hand before letting me get out of the car.

"Y/n. I..." Her eyes tell me what I already know. We've always had a crazy connection where sometimes words aren't even necessary.

"I know. I'll call you when I can."

We exchange a lingering look before I finally let go of her hand and step out of the car. Alessia nods, her eyes filled with concern, and I close the door behind me.

I glance back one last time before stepping into the building. My agitation is palpable, and I can feel my whole body trembling as I wait for the elevator to arrive at the top floor apartment. I try to envision my next steps, but my mind is so muddled that I can't hold a coherent thought for more than a few seconds.

I look at my reflection in the elevator mirror and can't recognize myself through the blurry makeup and the dark bags under my eyes. Just this realization makes me want to cry again. I never thought I would reach this point, never thought it would hurt this much.

I take the key out of my bag as soon as the elevator doors open, revealing the entrance of my home. My hands tremble slightly, and I struggle a bit to place the key in the lock, but I manage to open and close the door without making too much noise. The apartment is dark, and I refrain from turning on the lights to avoid drawing attention. I take off my heels and take a few cautious steps, only to bump into the side table near the entrance with a loud thud. The sound echoes throughout the apartment, cutting through the silence of the night. I release a frustrated sigh and feel a sharp pain in my hip from the impact. I remain motionless for a moment, waiting to see if I've been noticed.

What the hell am I doing? Why am I trying to avoid being noticed by him? Why do I feel like I have to hide my current state? It's not like he doesn't know the way he left me.

The questions echo in my mind, mixed with the throbbing pain in my hip. Angrily, I throw my heels away, watching them hit the floor with a muffled clatter. So I sit on the cool living room floor, leaning against the wall. I feel the hot tears run down my face again, I feel so much that I couldn't even name it now. My crying now isn't compulsive like earlier, but I don't make myself try to hide the tears anymore, I don't care what I look like, or how Lewis is going to find me here, I'm tired, so fucking tired.

I can hear footsteps approaching, but I don't move from my spot.

Lewis appears in the room, his gaze surprised as he sees me sitting on the floor in this state. He's wearing only a sweatpants that I gave him shortly after we first met. A wave of sadness envelops me as I see the worn fabric and faded colors of this garment that I had asked him several times to throw away. But he always refused, telling me it had sentimental value.

The sight of that sweatpants is a painful reminder of how we started and where we are now.

The feeling of loss is poignant. I feel like I've lost not just Lewis, but also a part of myself. My hands tremble, and my heart clenches with the overwhelming sadness that consumes me.

Lewis looks disconcerted, unsure of what to say or do in the face of my state. His eyes fill with remorse, but the words seem to elude him. He tries to approach, but I move away.

"No!"

It's the only thing I can say. It's a plea, and he knows it, as he immediately backs away upon hearing my single word.

"Y/n, let me help you.”

There's pain in his voice, but it also sounds harsh.

"You want to help me?! When all of this is your fault?"

Lewis crouches down, getting closer to my height. I shouldn't say anything now, I'm still drunk, sad, and angry, anything that comes out of my mouth now will likely be regrettable. But I don't think I have much more to lose, so I keep letting the words flow.

"A guy bought me a drink today. A fucking dry martini.” I look at him, trying to discern any change in his expression. But Lewis remains unmoved. “And I accepted. I accepted because I realized what he wanted with it, and I wanted to try to understand. I wanted to see if I could...”

The incessant tears become more potent, and I have to focus on my breathing to maintain some semblance of calm.

"He was handsome. He thought I was beautiful too. He wanted to take me to his hotel room and fuck me." I keep my eyes fixed on Lewis. "You know, I've never been so hurt in my life, I never thought I could feel so angry at you. And even though..." Some sobs escape from me. "And even though, I couldn't even consider the idea of cheating on you.”

My head is still resting against the wall, and I don't have the strength to even maintain a posture.

"The only thing I can think of is why. What led you to do this to me? What made you come to the conclusion that I wasn't good enough and cheat on me with her? And why did you do this to me at the worst moment of my life?"

Tears well up in my eyes again as another wave of sorrow hits me.

"This isn't love, Lewis. This can't be love."

Lewis finally moves, walking towards me and helping me to get up. I don't pull away from him this time, knowing that if he doesn't take me away from here, I'll be sitting on this floor all night.

I stand up with his help, and Lewis carries me to our room, leading me to the ensuite bathroom. Tears are streaming down his face as well, but he doesn't make a sound, nor does he look directly at my face.

He let go of me to turn on the shower, and I lean against the sink counter.

He turns to look at me after the water starts flowing. With great care, he removes each piece of my clothing. I look into his eyes that avoid meeting mine, and he does everything without showing anything other than sadness.

The warm water against my skin helps me relax, even if only slightly. He leaves the bathroom and doesn't come back. I wait for his return, but there is none. The sound of the water falling prevents me from hearing much of what is happening outside the bathroom.

As the effects of the alcohol wear off, I begin to feel shame and fear creeping in.

When I finally feel calmer, I turn off the shower and step out of the stall, still feeling a bit shaky. I walk to the closet where the hanging clothes seem blurred to my swollen, tear-filled eyes. I dress myself before even thinking about what I'm going to do.

I leave the room and come face to face with his figure, sitting in one of the chairs at the dining table, seemingly waiting for me.

As I stare at him, standing still in front of the bedroom door, his expression is one of exhaustion. He looks older than he did just a day ago. His eyes are red and tears stain his face.

Despite the hurt and anger I feel, my heart clenches at the sight of Lewis in such a state. I never wanted this, but still, I feel guilty for our situation.

What Emma said is true, I was very happy with him for many years.

I never thought I would find myself in this situation. I never thought he could hurt me this much.

"Are you feeling better? Sober?" His voice comes out hoarser than usual.

"Yes," I whisper.

"Then sit. Please." He points to the chair in front of him.

I think about ignoring him, but I don't want to act as I should anymore, I want to act as I want. And now what I want is to hear what he has to say. So I comply with his request and sit in front of him. I don't think I have anything else to say to him, but I realize he has a lot to say as he looks at me again.

Lewis looks at me for some time before gathering the courage to start speaking. The first rays of sunlight begin to invade the apartment.

"It was at the Monza Grand Prix. The first race weekend since... that happened." He lowers his gaze as he mentions the last part, and I feel a shiver run through my entire body. "You stayed home. I think that was the first time in my life that I raced without caring about the result. I knew I didn't need to go that weekend; Toto had made that clear. But I don't know, I thought that if I could focus on something, I could take some of that feeling out of me. But no, I didn't focus on anything for a single second. It was a terrible weekend, and I shouldn't have gone.”

Lewis still doesn't look at me. His tension is almost palpable, and his melancholy seems more evident with each passing second.

"I felt so much anger, so much hatred towards myself. For some reason, I felt guilty for not being able to give you what you wanted, what we wanted. I could barely look at you, not because I blamed you or anything, but because I blamed myself. And I regret so much not even trying to talk to you, not forcing you to talk to me. I knew you wanted to talk. But back then, everything was so painful and confusing." He takes a few seconds to breathe before continuing. "On Sunday, my flight got delayed by a few hours, remember?” I don't answer him, just move my head down millimeters to show him I understand, and that he can proceed. “I didn't think it was worth booking another hotel room, so I decided to spend that time at the hotel bar. It was empty, almost dawn already. I just wanted that feeling inside me to go away, so I started drinking. And she showed up, all alone. I didn't know who she was, but she knew who I was, and it seemed like she knew exactly what to say.”

Lewis lifts his gaze to me, perhaps to see if I'm still following along. My body burns, the pain I feel as I listen to every word that comes out of his mouth seems to be physical. But I remain still, waiting for him to continue.

"We had some drinks. And after a few hours, she asked me to accompany her to her room. And I went. And when we got there, she asked me if I wanted to come in. And for some reason, I said yes.”

He continues to look at me, and I continue to look at him. We are sitting just inches apart, but the feeling is as if he is miles away. Until this moment, I hadn't stopped to imagine how he was able to do what he did. I wasn't aware that I needed this explanation. Although it doesn't bring me comfort, at least now I am aware, and I no longer need to speculate and hurt myself with my own imagination.

"I don't know why I did what I did. And it didn't feel right at any moment. I knew it was wrong, I mean, it wasn't out of my control or anything like that. I did what I did fully aware, even though I was miserable. But at that moment, I didn't care about anything."

His hands are tightly intertwined, with the tendons clearly visible, showing a strong grip.

"I left that room, and it didn't take long for regret to hit me. I cried all the way back as if it could undo what I did. I decided not to tell you because it was a mistake that meant nothing, and no one would find out." His pauses become more frequent. "I came home determined to change our situation, to help us overcome that moment. But you were so deeply absorbed in your sadness that you didn't move to change, and I understand, but at that moment, I felt frustrated. And again, I didn't push myself or push you to take any action, I just accepted it, or rather, I gave up.”

I feel my breathing getting heavier. But I don't think I have any tears left to cry.

"I found out who she was weeks later, when I met Matteo in Brackley and he showed me a picture of her. I thought I couldn't feel any worse, but the guilt multiplied at that moment, not because of him or her. But because I knew that you would eventually meet someday, and that even without knowing, you would see in person the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life. She became real at that moment.”

"I met with her afterwards. I asked to speak with her after I found out who she was, thinking it would put an end to it, not wanting to take any risks. But..." He pauses, knowing he doesn't need to continue. They kept meeting, it's obvious. "It lasted for a few weeks, I found ridiculous reasons to make myself believe that none of it was wrong. Every time you cut off contact or kept your distance, I believed even more that there was a reason for what I was doing. But it all ended things before November. I think I snapped out of that numbness and apathy and realized what I was doing at the same time as I watched you trying to get better. I decided to end it and hoped it would never affect you. I never wanted to tell you, thought I could hide it and go back to normal. But of course you noticed, and the more distant you became, the more distant I became too. Not because I didn't care, but because I was afraid you would find out and give up on me. But I didn't realize that by doing that, I only made our situation worse.”

He separates his intertwined hands and extends one of them towards me, slowly, as if wanting to make sure I will allow the contact. I'm indecisive, unsure if I want or can handle the touch at this moment. But before I can make a conscious decision, I feel Lewis' hand on mine, which is resting on the table. His hand is warm and firm, and I feel his fingers gently closing around mine. It's a comforting gesture, yet it hurts like never before.

"You said I looked at her the same way I looked at you, but that's not true, Y/n. I never even looked at her in any other way than to fulfill a stupid need that I thought I had. She will never be half of who you are. It was never your fault, and it never will be. I love you more than anything, and I tried my best in everything I did for you, until the moment I broke our relationship in a way that I don't know if it can be fixed." His hand tightens around mine. "I won't insist on you giving me a second chance. Not after tonight. What you said and how you're feeling right now, it's more devastating for me than I thought possible. I want us back, but if you don't want that, I'll understand. I love you too much to push for it after what I've done to you.”

His voice comes out choked with tears, which hurts me deeply. I desperately wish I could say something to ease the weight we both carry, but the words elude me, and there's nothing I can offer to improve our situation right now.

I only decide to speak up once I'm sure he's finished telling me what he needed to say.

"I don't think you can truly understand what I've been through and what I'm going through right now," I say in a calmer tone than I expected. I watch Lewis cry in front of me as I try to formulate what I'm going to say. He breaks eye contact, but I keep looking at him. "And I will never know your feelings and what led you to do what you did.”

Gently, I pull my hand away from his touch.

"Look at me," I say. He turns his gaze towards me instantly. "But I still love you. More than I should. But I don't know if that's enough.”

"It's okay.” His expression falls again, I never thought I would see him like this, but I also never thought I would be in this state.

“I'm not sure if I want to end this. And I don't want to think about it anymore today. I'm exhausted, Lewis, exhausted from thinking and trying to understand. I just need some time away from everything.”

“I can spend another night away.”

“No. It's okay. You can stay here.”

I get up and walk towards him, closer than I have been in the past few weeks. Lewis is sitting down, so his height is a bit shorter than mine. His hands rest on the sides of my legs, and he leaves them there. And I don't mind the contact, nor do I move to pull away.

"I'm not worried about forgiving you," his eyes shimmer. "I'm worried about what will happen if I do forgive you. How I can trust you again? how I can no longer be afraid or ashamed? And all of this seems so much more complex than I could handle, even with all the love in the world. I don't know how long it would take for me to heal from this.”

"I'm not going anywhere. I'll wait for you to be sure, no matter how long it takes."

"I may not come back."

"That’s okay. Just let me know." His eyes are sad, but he seems more relieved now.

I nod as I place one of my hands on his shoulder.

"Let's go. I need to get some sleep."

He accompanies me to the entrance door of the master bedroom.

"Goodnight." The smile on his lips looks pained. He looks at me for a few seconds before heading to the guest room and closing the door behind him.

"Goodnight, Lewis." I say to no one, knowing that my words won't be heard by him.

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay, I decided to change some things in the story in the last minute 😅. But here it is. Hope you guys liked it, and see you in the next chapter!

Taglist:

@slafgoalskybaby, @justanormalfangirlsworld, @ravenqueen27, @nakamotosmoron, @supersanelyromantic, @maryseesthings, @bebesobrielo, @tenaciousathleteoperatorgarden, @bbhyunee, @missamericana69, @thotsposts

If you want to be put on, or taken off my taglist, please let me know!

#au fanfiction #lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton fluff #lewis hamilton smut #lewis hamilton x reader #f1 x reader #fanfiction #smut fanfiction #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine

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siramay-the-showgun-dragon · 4 months

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DR3 episode 10 Makoto Vs Munakata BREAKDOWN

recently someone else made a post about Makoto's feral-ness during the showdown he had with Munakata in episode 10, of course it's quite cool, but i feel some may take it the wrong way so i wanna set the record strait and also gush about stuff i love in that scene that people may not notice so first lets lay some context

future arc episode 10: prior to this Munakata has gone on a downward spiral of insanity being a knight templar and that his way is the right way and that he must kill all despair meaning everyone he even practically killed Juzo and even before his full berserk mode he was highly aggressive and hostile towards Makoto not listening to his words at all and belittling him, in short at the time he was far from "a reasonable folk" and Makoto at the time just had his girlfriend friend Kyoko die in which Munakata challenged him to a once and for all face off, in which Makoto bears his will and steady's himself, though being open about the pain in his heart of her apparent passing and this is important as his heart is his most powerful weapon ok now lets start

so we start with the precursor as Makoto walks to Munakata and they think over their ideologies. and how Munakata wants to pull a "kill them to save them" with Makoto and everyone cause he thinks despair must be destroyed and you know its interesting cause then Makoto says

i remember it shaking me how steadfast and determined he was, to stop Munakata at all cost but i just want to point out something from here on out that i feel is very important to what we shall be seeing

Makoto Planed all this

not the before stuff i mean as soon as he walked in that room he knew what he would say and what he would do, he had his end goal in mind he even says so near the climax with the doors but even before that he planned what would happen prior it may not seem like it due to how he always seemed on the losing side and sure he probably didn't plan to get beaten up so much but he still knew what he would do and how he would do it, and people don't talk about that much but this all shows how Makoto is much more intelligent then we give him credit for, but I'll explain as we go on

so then we start Makoto steps on glass to alert Munakatas attention, you can tell it's on purposes as there's no indicator of uncertainty or fear on Makoto's part, it's to say "i am here lets end this" as when Munakata speaks makoto still stands strong not faltering or fumbling. then he says "i wont hesitate anymore" makoto will face munakata head on and do what he needs to but even then befor anything he trys to talk down munakata saying how killing eachother is pointless and that they can still work together

of course munakata doesn't listen but no one can say Makoto didn't try

and that's when the chase begins, but who's the hunter and who's the hunted? that's what one must ask

so though munakata attacks makoto runs out closing the door as it's revealed in the end makoto knows munakata can't open doors and uses this to his advantage drawing distance and gaining time to make his next move, as

open door which of course Munakata knows is a set up,

but jokes on him makoto knew he would know it's a set up, or not, it's a win win either way because if he didn't know

deep fried zealot on the barbie! but since he did know he survived which leads to the next phase of makotos plan. and if any of you are wondering why makoto would do such a thing

he was always feral! he just didn't have much chance to act on it because he's polite and sees the good in people, but even he has his limits, so you best start appreciating the kindness Makoto shows in you when he does, well on to phase 2!

cause munakata survives with his sword and shoots makoto with tengans weapon which hurts of course so makoto runs off as his blood leads munakata exactly where makoto wants him to be he even says so

of course makoto knows about the fire extinguisher and he dosent just mean that but I'll bring that up in a second as we see makoto look around waiting for munakata who comes in soon after and makoto is hidden now holding the fire extinguisher to bop munakata on the head! which fails, he also throws it but that fails, now one ask if this could kill munakata but from my research it seems it would only hurt maybe konk him out as for something to hit your head and kill you it must be about 24 kg (52 lbs). for it to be lethal from arm length and the average fire extinguisher is around 5-10 pounds and as much as i like to believe makoto is this

hes more likely this

so that fire extinguisher is more then defiantly not killing just gonna sting maybe knock him unconscious which would be a win, but he failed but dont worry! this leads the phase 3! which brings up how before he threw it he planed on using it for its intended purpose, (which is a important part of phase 3)

because though it gets thrown away and jammed in the wall it BLOWS UP HITTING MUNAKATA IN THE BACK AND MAKEING A SMOKE SCREEN EVERYWHERE! which disorients and distracts munakata for makotos phase 3!

JUMP HIM AND PUSH HIM IN THE HOLE!

which leads me to point out something genius The dud fire extinguisher? It was the same one that Asahina tried to use to cover their escape in episode 2. Likewise, the hole in the floor is the one Great Gozu smashed for an escape route in the same episode. In "fighting" Munakata, Makoto made use of observation, deductive reasoning, and a pretty good memory; skills that he'd honed in his own Killing Game, which Munakata had earlier derided for being too orderly compared to fighting in the real world.

which of course leads to the kicker as they are both down the hole, munakata apears to have makoto right where he wants him right there in on a silver platter for a kill, but on the contrairy, makoto has munakata right where he wants him as makoto reveals he knows munakats forbidden action, and thus makeing it so munakata cant kill him and has to listen. moral of the story

munakatas like "your plan faild i am not dead" makoto:

this of course all leads to the epic confrontation scene

it was with empathizing and saying these words to munakata did he finally pierce his heart and get munakata to back down...

so much for useless platitudes ay munakata?

#danganronpa #dangnaronpa #makoto naegi #danganronpa 3 #kyosuke munakata #analysis

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dogboyklug · 5 months

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UH-OH! a comic about being trans. by me. part one of probably three :]

i felt bad about being transmasc so i decided to just give up and write about it until i hopefully didnt. i feel a little better getting this all on digital paper but there's still. a lot to draw. so. oops

i'll be posting the next parts. whenever they're ready (which will hopefully be soon) and linking them all here, so whenever you want just check back with the base post and i'll prolly add some links and maybe clean things up. yay!

text transcript / partial ID under the cut!

transcript:

looking back, there were a few signs i might have been trans.

[a sequence of events showing little me flinching and going "ow" at being called his deadname, little me reading a book and going "haha im like a tomboy but i dont like sports or being active or anything im just. a boy. haha", and little me having an active breakdown, crying and holding his glasses, with partially obscured text in a dark cloud around him. the only text visible shows his thoughts, and shows he's worrying that he's sexist for mostly only liking and relating to boy characters.]

...some.

however.

there were also a few things i considered signs of me not being trans at all.

EXHIBIT A:

[a drawing of little me, looking at his 3ds. he's thinking "as long as i make sure that i always play as the 'main girl character' in these games i wont cry because im a girl because i wont be me as a girl i'll be Them. roleplaying. as them".]

no dysphoria.

[caps] EXHIBIT B: [end caps]

[a crude drawing of little me staring at nothing. he's thinking "i don't hate women. and i don't like being mean to other people."]

[caps] I WAS A FEMINIST. [end caps]

and not toxically masculine.

i knew about trans people, but i didn't know trans MEN existed.

[a drawing of little me, with the caption "clueless". he's staring slightly up, and saying "huh?!"]

my mom was nonbinary, with a few trans friends, but people [caps] WANTING??? TO BE MEN??? [end caps]

to be

gross,

disgusting,

hateful,

cruel,

oppressive,

men?

[the background slowly gets darker until it reaches the final word, and that word is a significantly bigger font than the rest of the words.]

for a while, primarily due to my lack of research

[drawing of little me, staring at his computer (which is labeled "deviantArt machine") and going 'huh'.]

i figured, if i WAS trans, I was probably a trans women.

but of course, that was silly

you can't be a trans woman if you're already afab.

and there's no other ways of being trans,

right?

[a crudely-drawn drawing of a deviantArt favorite's tab. none of the favorited pieces have any detail, though several are the same width and length as classic deviantArt stamps.]

hm.

hmmmmm...

[a crudely-drawn drawing of a representation of one of the favorited stamps. it's a massive, pink stamp with the text "SHE/HER!" in it in all caps and pink lettering. bottom text states it is a "she/her pronouns badge by ...", though the rest is cut off.]

HMMMM...

[a picture of a mouse hovering over the 'favorite/unfavorite' button. the star is filled in, indicating clicking it would unfavorite the piece.]

[two wordless panels, side-by-side, showing little me staring at his screen, hovering his cursor over the unfavorite button.]

[two more panels, showing that little me has unfavorited the she/her badge. the panel showing his face shows he is grinning wildly, his hair has poofed up in excitement, and his glasses are now blue-ish purple.]

OHO!!!!!!!!!!!!1

.................and that's

quite literally

how it happened.

before i knew how bad the entire site was, i would frequent dA. CONSTANTLY.

it was baby's very first "social media" webpt site.

[a drawing of a tiny, cartoonish kitten with a small turf of hair, staring at wonder up at a computer, one hand on the mousepad. it is labeled "dramatic reenactment of me making my d a account."]

i wasn't really SHELTERED as a kid, i just didnt know fuck for shit, and my baby anxiety made learning annoyingly hard.

so i turned to memes as a sort of wire mother as opposed to my real, cloth one.

jokes can be easier to understand than reality, sometimes.

(this isnt a good thing.)

so, i sort-of-came-out on deviantart, home of the wacky, wild and weird, where i learned he/him pronouns were an option, and a choice.

[a drawing of little me, with blue glasses, gazing up at the sky and smiling triumphantly.]

and some crazy trauma but that's for a different comic. if i make it.

[a drawing of little me being hit with a cartoonish star, which is meant to represent the trauma.]

sooo...

that's it, right?

[little me, with a cartoony bandage on his head, gently rubbing his wound.]

my mom was supportive & anyone who wasn't ...isn't in the picture now

that's the end

...right?.

end transcript.

#trans #trans man #transmasculine #ftm #comic #webcomic #klug's sketches #hoo boy this is rlly fucking personal so im a little scared BUT #im happy w it and that is what matters

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spop-romanticizes-abuse · 9 months

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so.. non-c//a criticism about spop. because, you know, c//a wasn't the only thing that spop messed up. I'll just get straight to the point.

Horde Prime was a bad villain.

he had such a cool character design, i had high hopes for him. but like everything else in s5, horde prime's potential was wasted.

to put it shortly, he was boring. he was the typical pure-evil villain archetype with none of the charm. his motives weren't very interesting, we know nothing about him except that he's hordak's brother and an egotistic fascist with a god complex. his VA did a good job but his character was so badly written, even they couldn't salvage it.

even hordak was more intimidating than him until he got defeated by the inexperienced teenager who was never shown to be improving her skills but that's a whole another post

i thought the whole religious trauma aspect of it was going to be explored more, but it just turned out to be cartoonishly stupid, with the typical brainwashing trope.

not to mention, they even added shipping fodder in scenes with horde prime, because of course they had to. how else would people know that catra loves adora? she hasn't ever shown it so the only way the crew can convince everyone that she cares about adora is by having the main villain point it out (not to mention the scrapped off script where he says "you always wanted more but all she ever wanted was you" because we love a villain who exists solely to provide the viewers with ship angst)

the first one pisses me off so much because they didn't even bother to draw catra's eyes dilated yet had horde prime mention it?? all while glimmer was sobbing and pleading him to not hurt adora, but she's not the one in love apparently. i feel like this show was trying to gaslight us

anyway, shipping aside. one common trope in media you may have heard about is the third-act breakdown. this is something that usually happens to villains where their once intimidating and confident façade starts to break apart as they are close to being defeated by our hero.

the keyword here is third-act. if you want a villain to be genuinely scary or an actual threat, you cannot make them lose their cool as soon as something goes wrong. because it just makes them look insecure and weak, and you're left wondering why they're even the main villain in the first place.

and the problem with horde prime is exactly that. as soon as adora swoops in and saves catra, horde prime is immediately angered and upset that his plans failed. and from there, we see him get irritated and lose his cool easily multiple times.

this lessens the anticipation because you're not wondering how the protagonists will defeat him, you're wondering when they'll do it. because if he loses his cool so easily, it's clear that he's not cunning or calculating, he doesn't have a backup plan. and a good villain always has a backup plan, they are always one step ahead of the heroes, because that's how you raise the stakes.

it's no wonder horde prime isn't even a memorable villain and people only talk about how he brainwashed catra or how he "ships catradora". there's nothing else notable about him and it's honestly so evident that he was only introduced so that the previous villains could be redeemed for the sake of making certain ships canon.

they literally had to make it so that adora might die because of the failsafe thing, because having horde prime as a villain wasn't enough stakes.

they tried to make a connection between adora and horde prime with mara being his previous nemesis, but it was really hamfisted and didn't provide enough tension or exposition. it certainly didn't feel as tense as any of the fights between catra and adora.

horde prime could have been a really cool and threatening villain, but spop decided to focus more on handing out free redemption arcs for all the antagonists and butchering everyone's character arcs instead. bravo.

#reposting this here bc the original got lost in the sea of reposts #anti catradora #anti catra #spop discourse #spop critical #spop salt #spop catra #spop criticism #spop #catra #horde prime #hordak

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aechaz · 9 months

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AB / BG / CP / PP.

hi everyone! this is isa (23, she/her) coming to u live with park aecha, a soloist under culture creative. direct links above will bring u to her pages, but i'll do my best to breakdown her background below. i have discord available upon req, but i can plot thru tumblr as well!

somewhat of a standard, subpar childhood tbh. born out of an affair btwn her mother and her father's (?) best friend in l.a. and it's something that sticks with her constantly: a reminder that she really wasn't supposed to happen. her father draws back significantly after, who ends up divorcing her mother afterwards because it's. a lot!!! she moves on quickly, hopping between boyfriends and husbands and affairs in between.

aecha's raised a lot by her aunts and an uncle, who try to minimize the effects of instability to no avail. if she's here, she knows she will end up there in a matter of weeks. aecha gets used to change really fast - she doesn't like it; but she gets used to it. it's easier to get used to it as opposed to fight it and resist it.

ends up officially moving in with her fifth stepfather; moving in with the dude on his tangerine farm in jeju. it's the closest thing to stability aecha has ever known honestly, and her favorite memories are there. her mom ends up moving and disappearing out of her life not too long after, whisking away to another country with another potential husband. unbeknownst to aecha, her mother finally settled down with this one and had children too.

ends up joining a singing club at school purely on a dare (pls don't tell her she can't do something because she will purely in spite of it) and ends up liking it, alot! becomes close with the teacher running the club and eventually is scouted by culture creative staff, who was a former alumni and friend of said teacher.

the rest, as they say, is history!

aecha is considerably known for her ice princess demeanor. very stoic, sharp, in general icy persona. (think irene, krystal, etc) at the start of her career, she became pretty obsessed with what ppl thought of her and tried super hard to curate her music style to hit that appeal (#mommyissues), which is why her first album sounds so different from everything released afterwards.

learned to stop overexplaining and forcing other people to know her, so she gave up, which is why the bitchy persona stuck. she also stopped trying to justify herself to others and well, that's what the public was left with. the type to let others run and believe what they want - wont go out of her way to correct it. is very much this emoji 😐 on the outside

inwards however!!!! aecha is soft like butter. it's rare to see honestly, she really keeps to herself as much since she's a public figure and yadda yadda, but she's so soft hearted it's a little sad. sometimes her eyes can give away what her face will not, and you can see her almost beg with them. she loves deeply and strongly, and values platonic friendship over romantic or familial ones. she's very supportive of her friends and goes out of her way (sending flowers, cafe carts, reposting on her socials, etc) to make sure its known.

shes a woman of a handful of words, her expressions almost always give her away, but she's slowly evolving into becoming much less logical focused and blending in her deep emotions in as well to her craft and herself. definitely multilayered, a chameleon, and always questioning her existence.

all her social media handles are: @aechacha.

currently: aecha is working in the background to release an ep at some point soon, but it's coming around slowly. she hasn't had the most inspiration or motivation so it's a long awaited piece. she's been more focused on her modelling aspects and a few talk show / radio appearances. she also wants to focus more on producing and songwriting - definitely working behind the scenes as of late.

she'd like to dive into acting at some point - but is just starting to take acting lessons. when she's not doing work stuff, she has biweekly pilates and pottery lessons she takes. likes to dip her fingers into a little bit of everything.

a big homebody, she likes to hang out with her cat (chickpea, the very definition of an Orange Cat) and tend to her plants. work on random song pieces - some that may never be completed, or cafe hop with friends.

i have a few plots listed above, but i'm big on brainstorming and going back and forth / seeing what works best with our muses. if none of mine or yours work, let's see what we can come up with together!

#thefourintro #writing this on the clock feeling crazy

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hopeful-hugz · 3 months

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♔

Get to know the RPer || Accepting

Send me a ♔ for me to describe a favorite rp character of mine.

🕯️ Okay so I'm sticking to this blog's muses for now and since I don't play favourites in general. I'll just talk about one of the muses that has had my braincell lately.

So, Leah! A muse I have yet to draw a reference for. His original iteration was made on Discord cause I wanted to expand more on the aethers' opposite species, nagete. That soon evolved into my wanting to test aether-nagete hybrids as well and expand on that.

I tend to test a lot of storylines with close friends on Discord so I can bring a more fine-tuned version of things here for you. I did that with Maria and Leah is another example of that.

Leah in particular I've struggled developing beyond him being a permanent antagonist on the blog.

His goals are horrific and terrible (something I'm not spoiling) and has accepted playing the role as the villain for the sake of that. But he really is just a guy who wants to run his radio, tv and online shows with his cast. He's a gameshow host mainly, but he's got some other things he films for the air too, more often than not having a live show or three every night when his shows are available.

Currently he's got a small group of four that make up his main cast!

Amygdala is one of them! Leah made her shortly after he ended up self-corrupting into a mix breed hybrid. Mixing nagete shadow manifestation and Hope's own DNA, she is to epitome of a stoic mad scientist and is responsible for making any beasts and creatures that are used for security and the games Leah hosts. Treats every creation like they're her pets.

The other two I can't go into much since they aren't officially debuted here yet and are written by a friend, but they are Leah's co-host and his best friend. Folks he originally thought would be interesting to save from a "bad end" timeline of their universe.

Originally he was gonna be "just the bad guy for this episode." Now he's attached and has lowkey started to make the amusement park grounds, the tower at it's centre where shows are filmed and the living spaces at the top of the tower a home he and his cast can use even after his plans come to fruition.

Lost Now Found from HOAAR is a good song for him regarding his Cast.

As far as his relationship with Cam, Hope and Teal, it's not a good one.

Leah originally tracked the two siblings down in regards to his investigations regarding Maria and the interest he took in her life, story and legacy. Things didn't exactly work out and he put them in a state of distress instead.

Naturally this got Chamyle's attention and made Leah pay dearly for even laying a metaphorical hand on them. [He's still salty about that and Cam's job as The Archivist having meant she was keeping an eye on him. Now he's more than aware of her "passing" and has instead directed that Pettiness towards Melody.]

Despite this, Hope still gave him another chance. The two talked for a while after that incident, exchanging questions on their views and goals. Until Hope gave him- a purebred nagete at the time- an answer to a question that made him start thinking. Too much logic can start turning an aether into a nagete or completely hybrid them; something that is considered the worst fate for any aether and nagete and something incredibly taboo.

In reaction to this, Leah snapped and had a breakdown. In the midst of said breakdown, he not only kidnapped Hope- having blamed her for the change- and demanded she fix him. When she couldn't, he decided if he was going down he'd take multiple universes with him. He really wasn't in his right mind at the time and even he will admit that if you ask.

Teal was the one to solve this issue and get back Hope. Still bears an aggressive view on the host; believing him to be a heartless monster who's only true goal is destruction.

Hope is terrified of Leah and tries her best to avoid him when possible. Though she doesn't hate him. If anything she feels sorry for him.

Leah still blames Hope for his hybrid state and hates her for it. Heavily dislikes Teal because of him being one of Maria's experiments among other petty things. He won't hesitate to actively mess with either sibling and will often do elaborate things to them just out of that hate and because he finds it amusing and interesting.

As far as the rest of the multiverse?

He's a heavy believer in people being free to do whatever they want or they should be given the power to wield autonomy. It's the main motivator behind his current overarching plan.

He takes freedom very seriously and treats his usual contestants and guests with that. Picking on a volunteer basis and making sure people know what they are getting into (and that they may not leave the studio ever again should they participate in certain games.)

But he can't tell the multiverse this. Doesn't care to with how bored and tired of everything he truly is. It has to stay all behind-the-scenes. He's their enemy of the multiverse; the Big Bad Evil Guy! The Villain!!

People need to believe he's such so they can come up with their own reasoning behind his actions.

He knows the path he's taking, but he's taking it of his own free will.

#askthekirbysquad #Breakfast in Space || OOC #The Way Things Work Here || Headcanons #Your Gracious and Enticing Host~! || Leah #Star Callings || Asks

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woolmasterleel · 9 months

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Okay I wanna know what would be so horrifying about Reflection of Romirr’s breakdown 👀

OhhhhhHG thank you for asking I've been wanting someone to ask about him so bad.....

So Reflection of Romirr isn't the real Romirr obviously.. Romirr, as he existed initially, is gone. Mirror only has bits of pieces of how he used to act, therefore Reflection of Romirr acts very off from any normal human.

When Pandora finds him initially, Romirr is able to replicate the soft, warm attitude and words he used to use when talking to Pandora all those centuries ago. Of course Pandora knows something is off, she never liked Romirr, why he would think softly conveying his joy in seeing her again would work is beyond her. Mirror is able to convey a sense of love scarily well, anything else is slightly off-putting.

When Pandora begins to interrupt Romirr to say she does not care about what he has to say, he begins to act distressed. His figure is just an illusion, it distorts easily. Upon not listening to him, Romirr begins to shriek, it is deafening and sounds very unnatural. It's when Pandora says he isn't ever going to win that Reflection of Romirr stops to smile, then his form shatters like a broken mirror (✿◡‿◡)

It's really had to describe, if I could animate I absolutely would animate this scene... I just like how gradually scary Mirror becomes overtime! I'll have to at least draw out Romirr's temper tantrum soon (～￣▽￣)～

#Ask #OC #THANK YOU FOR ASKING ABOUT HIM I WAS SO EXCITED #I am just really proud of the story as a whole...

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pokerninja2 · 1 year

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Tonight's breakdown will be covering two characters at once! I was originally going to do just Daisy, and then I realized I didn't really have anything to say about her as far as references or inspirations go. So, I decided to group her with Rosalina, and get the rest of the Mario princesses (that I've done) out of the way! Keep in mind Rosalina's gonna have more about her though.

So to start with Daisy, her outfit is the same as Peach, being a skin-tight suit allowing for a lot more flexibility than a poofy dress would. While Peach has a heart pattern on her suit though, Daisy has an odd white pattern on her legs. Daisy fans might recognize this as the pattern her dress used to have in the classic games, and they'd be right! I thought it would be a nice touch and help set her apart from Peach design-wise. As far as other references go, her Flower Power attack was directly based on her star swing in Mario Super Sluggers, only instead of walling opponents out with a garden of flowers, she traps them inside one!

Overall, I'm pretty happy with Daisy. I mentioned when I talked about Peach that I was pretty nervous about drawing the Mario girls back in the day, and I think Daisy fared the best here. I like her jumping to spike the ball, really fits with her competitive edge. I think the expression she's making looks great too.

Now for Rosalina, who I have a lot more to say about. I made her for Mar10 day last year, so I wanted to make her inclusion special. What I ended up doing was pairing her up with a cream-colored Luma - the first one she met and sent her to space in the first place! I thought that would be a really cute touch.

Also means she gets to have a Luma play beside her like in Mario Kart Wii! I have had clinical depression ever since that was removed in MK7. Bring Luma Back You Cowards!!!!

Unlike Daisy, Rosalina's outfit is pretty different from Peach. The top is similar, but she has a flowing dress at the bottom with white leggings. I wanted to match how Rosalina often has a slightly different outfit to Peach and Daisy in games like Mario Golf and Mario Tennis. To that end, I think the design I gave her works well!

And then there's Rosalina's attacks. Black Hole is obviously based on the black holes Mario could get sucked in in the Galaxy games, although the art makes it look less menacing. She's probably holding back their true power so they don't actually disintegrate the competitors. And finally her Super Spike, which is based on the ending in Galaxy 1 where the Comet Observatory rockets Mario to the center of the universe! It's just as strong and powerful, so you can imagine how fast the ball would go if a literal comet smashed into it.

I mostly like how Rosalina turned out, although I will say I'm not super satisfied with how I drew her. I feel the posing is a bit too stiff, and I could have made it look more lively. I really should draw her and the other princesses more to get a better feel for them. Maybe sometime soon I'll redraw her, I think I've gotten a lot more confident over the past few years doing art.

And that's generally all I wanted to cover tonight. Got both remaining princesses done at once, although like I said it was really kind of just me talking about Rosalina. Still, I hope this was interesting for fans of both!

#mario #super mario #mario fanart #daisy #princess daisy #rosalina #princess rosalina #mario galaxy #super mario galaxy #mario princess #daisy fanart #rosalina fanart #Super Mario Spikers #wow reading this over now I said nothing about daisy lol #sorry! there's just not a whole lot I could say about her

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waheelawhisperer · 2 years

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Vol 8's climax was simultaneously depressing 'cuz I was never too keen on Winter actually becoming Winter^2 (and hey, neither was she); heart-gouging for the 'oh hell they all think each other's dead' angle, and interesting 'cause Cinder may never have it as good as she did here again: bottomless pit hazard, foes running on fumes with fleeing civilians to worry about, and an ally/pawn in play who's out for her main threat's neck. And then Cindy gets to 'doom' them *both*.

Spoilers blah blah because this is about as current as it gets with RWBY's canon etc.

Yeah, I definitely agree that this is as successful as Cinder is going to get as a villain. I think the show is setting her up to break away from Salem eventually, and I also think that the end of Volume 8 kind of showed her that maybe Salem isn't all that's cracked up to be. She can be beaten, outmaneuvered, tricked... and she doesn't have as much power over Cinder as Cinder thought she did. I'm not exactly sure how Cinder's going to come to the realization that she isn't going to get what she wants by sticking with Salem or what she's going to do after she escapes, but I think that she will, and I think she'll do it soon (within the next few Volumes). To be honest, I'm not great at predictions or theorizing regarding the future of the show, so I don't think I can get too deep into Cinder's trajectory, but I do think that her days as Salem's enforcer are drawing to a close.

In terms of the actual tactical situation surrounding the fight, you're right when you say that this was pretty much ideal from Cinder's perspective. She's fresh and her opponents aren't, she gets to start the fight on her terms with an ambush, she's surrounded by civilians against opponents who care about protecting them and will sacrifice themselves to defend them without hesitation while she and her ally think collateral damage is the height of comedy, she can fly while her opponents are trapped on a series of winding walkways that offer limited space to maneuver, Neo's initial ambush removed one of the two most dangerous fighters on the enemy side, she and Neo are able to split the enemy throughout the fight and repeatedly manipulate their foes' concern for both each other and the civilians to take free shots or give themselves favorable 1-on-1 or 1-on-2 matchups, her ally is specifically dedicated to countering the one enemy that has a power that she's specifically vulnerable to, and she gets to stab Neo in the back once she's served her purpose.

You know what? I wasn't initially planning to do this, but I think I'll go ahead and do a fight breakdown for the finale, paying special attention to Cinder's strategy and tactics. She does a great job throughout the fight of turning what could have easily been a 2-on-8 if RWBY and JNOR had concentrated into a series of smaller engagements where she and Neo achieve local superiority.

The fight opens up with Cinder drawing everyone's attention, and the brief engagement at the start shows that she's capable of taking on all four members of Team RWBY at once. They'd probably have done better in this fight if they weren't all tired, but they are, which means Cinder knows that she can handle drawing all the aggro to give Neo her shot (or maybe she's just arrogant enough to think she can handle it. Regardless, she's right). I'm not sure if her little speech is an active attempt at breaking Team RWBY's morale and throwing them off their game or just gloating (hell, it could be both), but either way, it's working. Team RWBY is focused on her, just the way she wants them to be.

Neo gets the gank off, and while it doesn't take out the intended target, the result is almost as good: Yang is the most dangerous fighter on Team RWBY and arguably the single most dangerous of the 8 heroes actively escorting the civilians at the moment, given Penny's visible struggles to adapt to her flesh-and-blood body throughout the fight. The psychological effect of losing the team's best fighter, as well as the Team Mom/Cool Big Sis/Love Interest, was clearly a pretty nasty blow, given the way Blake goes straight for Neo's neck with pure berserker fury that would make any Viking proud. Team RWBY is not in the best mental state, nor are Team JNR or Penny, whereas Cinder is fully in control and riding high, while Neo is pissed that her initial attack hit the wrong target and focused on killing Ruby, but doesn't seem to be shaken enough for it to affect her performance.

Ruby gets a lot of criticism for not reacting "properly" to Yang's fall, whatever that means, but to me it's always been pretty clear that she was in shock and struggling to process what had just happened for the literal 2-3 seconds that the show gave her to respond before Neo was on top of her and going for the throat. I do think the show could have done a better job of making it clear that no one could have reacted in time to save her: Ruby has been knocked to the ground by Yang's charge and Weiss is facing away due to how she was previously oriented when the group was trying to flank Cinder from four directions previously (the correct tactical choice based on what they knew at the time). Weiss is just barely turning her head when Blake is already moving in Yang's direction, and she doesn't have time to do more than raise her arm before Yang has gone off the edge. We know Weiss uses gestures to activate/focus her glyphs, and I simply don't think she had time to use her Semblance before she lost line of sight on Yang. Ruby, for her part, is still in involuntary motion from Yang's push when Yang's Aura breaks, looks stunned and disoriented from her landing, and just barely has time to raise her head and catch sight of Yang before her big sister goes over the edge. I think, based on the visual evidence, that she straight-up couldn't process what was going on in time to activate her Semblance to save Yang.

Blake, meanwhile, is booking it. Seriously, girl is moving. She looks like a cheetah hopped up on amphetamines. Blake is in a full-on sprint by the time Weiss even turns her head. Weiss hasn't fully raised her arm by the time Blake is past her and getting ready to launch Gambol Shroud into the void. The writers/animators deliberately placed her in the physical position to see what was happening and respond instantly, while also putting her as far away as possible while still maintaining the flank, which served to both make the way Blake feels about/is attuned to Yang as clear as possible and prevent her from saving Yang despite that depth of concern and instantaneous response. This was really well done by the crew in terms of... scene composition? I don't know if that's really the right word I'm looking for, but they positioned the characters in the set really well here, is what I'm trying to say.

I think what the crew intended to convey with this scene is that it all happened too fast for there to be any chance of stopping Yang's fall, but the use of slow motion hindered that. It was suitably dramatic for the emphasis such an important moment deserved, but I think it convinced a big chunk of the viewerbase that because we, the viewers, had time to process things, so should the characters in the scene. I know I had to watch this sequence of events several times to get a clear picture of just how fast Yang's fall was supposed to happen in-universe. There's a good 35 seconds of actual screentime between Neo making contact with Yang and Yang's ultimate disappearance into the void, 19 between contact and the beginning of Blake's throwing motion, and 25 between contact and the moment where we know for a fact that Gambol Shroud has missed. That's a lot of time for the viewers to come to an understanding of what's happening, but all of this is in slow motion. In-universe, things are going significantly faster, but the extended slow motion sequence can make that hard to pick up on. I'm not 100% sure how to improve clarity here without ruining dramatic impact, but I can see why the scene didn't hit as I think it was intended to with some people.

Anyway, Yang is gone, Neo's gunning for Ruby, Blake is gunning for Neo, and Weiss is just kind of thinking "Oh, God, I'm going to have to be the one to hold things together, aren't I?" Unfortunately, this leaves her squarely in Cinder's sights. Right now, Cinder is getting what she wants: her slippery ally, who she doesn't even like, is the target of two of their three opponents (including the one who at minimum soft checks Cinder), leaving her, the strongest fighter on her side, in a solo matchup against the support. Cinder's inner Zed main is salivating at the chance to carve up an unprotected support fighter here, and if the other three weaken each other while she's doing it, so much the better.

Penny comes in to improve the odds and square off with Cinder, but we see immediately that she is used to fighting as a robot and not as a human: she reflexively attempts to summon Floating Array and gets dunked on for her troubles. She compensates by using her Maiden powers to create a copy of her old weapons, but we can tell she's already a bit off balance. With Weiss to help her, she does okay for a moment, but then Cinder exploits the heroines' concern for the civilians they're protecting by trying to hit Weiss with an AoE that she can't just dodge. Weiss has to block it, and she has to block the whole damn AoE. She can't just use a glyph to hop out of the way because that would expose the vulnerable civilians behind her, so she's forced to use more of her Aura to defend, and Cinder gets a free shot at her on top of that. Cinder has cleverly set up an attack that lets her win either way: either she gets uncontested damage on Weiss or she forces Weiss to abandon civilians to save herself, crippling her morale.

Blake looks over and sees that Cinder is clearly individually superior to Penny, especially since Penny does not have full access to her previous capabilities. She notices that Cinder is winning, while she and Ruby are not making particular headway vs. Neo. Blake has to make a choice, and she chooses to kick Cinder in the skull. I know a lot of people, myself included, were expecting a Semblance evolution for Blake here, but instead she just chooses to put protecting the people she loves over revenge, which... works, honestly, but I think it has less impact than the Semblance evolution overall.

This is where I think Team RWBY starts slipping tactically (understandably, they're not in the best frame of mind at the moment after losing the heart of their team, but they're still not making the optimal decisions. I'm not calling them out for this, but it's important to point it out as a contrast to Cinder and Neo, who are still very much in control). I think Team RWB + Penny's best play here is to try to force a 3-on-1 against either Cinder or Neo and assign whoever is best at stalling to handle the other one. There are a few ways they could have done that. Neo's already fixated on Ruby and Ruby's Semblance makes her slippery as hell, so Ruby could have fought defensively and kept Neo occupied long enough for Blake, Weiss, and Penny to gang up on Cinder. Alternatively, Penny has the ability to fly. She could've either stalled Cinder and tried to make her chase her or she could've taken to the air and bombarded Neo with Maiden Magic. Being able to move through the air is a huge advantage in this kind of fight, and either she or Weiss could have potentially leveraged that against Neo. Blake or Weiss could also have tried to hold off either Cinder or Neo with the innate disengage tools in their kits, though they'd most likely have an easier time delaying Neo than Cinder. Regardless, I think it would have been smart to try to find a way to bring Ruby's silver eye powers to bear against Cinder ASAP and in circumstances of their choosing, or as close to it as possible.

Yes, many things could have gone wrong with this strategy, but the one they actually went with resulted in a loss, so I think it would have been worth a try. Again, I'm not saying the protagonists should have been unfeeling machines that always make the most logical choice, I'm just trying to point out the difference between how they and their opponents are approaching the fight. Cinder and Neo had the luxury of picking their moment and planning out their attack, while the protagonists are exhausted and stressed. This was a very clever move on the part of the villains, is what I'm getting at here.

Ruby's still going up against Neo, whose superiority in terms of pure fighting skill is evident. We get Weiss punting Neo through a portal in the funniest moment of the whole fight and Cinder gets an advantage in the 2-on-1 in the background. What we see here makes me wonder if the strategy I proposed above would have worked at all, but I think it's still at least as viable as what they actually do. Ruby's not fighting defensively here, which leaves her open and forces Weiss to come to her aid. If she'd focused on delaying Neo instead of beating her, maybe the others could have capitalized on their numerical advantage. Or maybe not. Maybe this was just unwinnable from the moment Yang went down and Jaune and Nora committed to helping the refugees. That happens sometimes.

Cinder again exploits the fact that the protagonists are willing to sacrifice themselves for other people to get another free hit on Weiss specifically and break her Aura. She's got Weiss pegged, that's for damn sure, and this is the point where I think the fight truly becomes next to impossible for the protagonists to win with the resources they have on the field. Without Weiss's support tools, the only paths to victory I see are receiving reinforcements or activating Ruby's silver eyes, which have already been established as unreliable. Crescent Rose falling into the abyss kind of seals the deal, but Ruby pulls off a very clever little move to bait an opponent who is clearly superior in terms of technical skill but emotionally unstable into a trap. This was really smart by Ruby, if a bit concerning because of her willingness to use herself as bait, but it's a great reminder that while Ruby is generally sweet and pure and innocent and so on, she also can and will go for the throat if she thinks it's warranted. Tyrian learned this the hard way.

Cinder, once again, identifies and takes a free shot against a distracted opponent. She's still getting everything she wants, because now she can both remove one of the two remaining significant threats to her and get revenge against her underling at the same time. She already knows she can beat Blake, Weiss, and Penny. She's been doing it all this time. She's happy to trade Neo to remove Ruby. This is a winning play for her.

Cinder gets another free shot on a heroine who is concerned with saving someone else when Blake and Penny try to rescue Ruby. She's been identifying and taking these opportunities all throughout the fight, and it lets her land an attack on the other significant threat still in the game in exchange for giving her opponents the chance to rescue a fighter who is out of Aura and has no weapon. Cinder has done a great job picking her trades since the fight started, and this is no exception.

Blake and Ruby are now gone, disappeared into the void. This cost Cinder nothing. With two fireballs, she's gotten damage on Penny and eliminated two opponents, and all she has to give up in return is a couple hits when Weiss shows up wielding Gambol Shroud. Sure, Jaune is now here to help them and is fresh in comparison, but Cinder was winning when Blake was here, and Blake is much stronger than Jaune. Penny takes more damage protecting Weiss, by the way, because Cinder knows that targeting the helpless works against these foes and sees no reason to fix what ain't broken.

Cinder once again baits Penny into protecting her friends and then isolates her opponents with a clever use of her Maiden powers and gets an uninterrupted, uncontested strike on the biggest threat remaining. She cripples Penny in the time it takes for Weiss to get around the obstacle she created and engage her, which leads us into a scene that quite a number of people absolutely fucking hated, myself included. I honestly don't recall seeing a single positive response to this choice. Maybe my opinion will change once we see where this storyline goes, but right now, bringing Penny back just to kill her off again just feels cruel. Having Jaune, a character who has already received considerable backlash for perceived theft of the spotlight, be the one to strike the killing blow just makes things worse. I know a lot of Penny fans felt like the writing was basically telling them to go fuck themselves, and I can see why they felt that way. Again, I might change my mind once we get more content that shows us where the narrative is going with this, but as things stand, it just makes a couple of plot threads from the Atlas storyline feel pointless. Winter being the Winter Maiden was a red herring and Penny getting the powers was a twist? No, wait, Winter's the Maiden now. Penny has come back to life and is taking part in the group's adventures? No, actually, she's dead again, and may very well be revived a third time at some point in the future. Based on what I know now, rather than what may be revealed in the future, this is one of the worst writing choices RWBY has ever made. I truly hate it. It just feels mean.

That said, I don't think having Jaune kill a mortally wounded teammate is inherently a bad storyline in a vacuum. He's a healer, a defender, whose powers and skillset focus around healing, enhancing, and protecting his teammates. Forcing him to take a friend's life after he's already lost his own partner, even if (as the narrative wants us to believe) there was no better choice, is a fantastic vehicle for character development for a character like him... but there was no way it was ever going to go over well when Jaune is already such a controversial character within the fandom and a lot of people feel that Team RWBY doesn't have enough agency within the main plot. Not a choice I would have made when considering the context and the likely fan reaction, that's for damn sure.

I also don't think the show does enough to set up the idea that Penny's wound is actually mortal or that killing her was the best way forward. It looks like Cinder's Grimm hand penetrates her torso when the attack initially lands, but we don't see any blood, nor are there any visible wounds when Jaune tries to heal her. We don't get any concrete evidence that healing her will unambiguously fail and we don't see any sign of significant strain on Jaune's part, he just tries to heal her and Penny almost immediately shuts him down and says he can't do it in time. It's not really a surprise that Penny thinks about it this way. She's been trying to sacrifice herself the moment she has a chance for the whole damn Volume. She wants to make this choice, but I think we needed a better visual indicator or a line of dialogue or something to make it clear that this choice was anything but stupid. I'd have been a lot more willing to accept it if we'd gotten, like, a few seconds of Jaune visibly struggling to heal Penny's wound, followed by him saying "It's not working" or something, and then Penny makes the choice to sacrifice herself, now that it's clear that her death is inevitable and the only thing left is to make it mean something (obviously, this is an extreme off-the-top-of-my-head rough draft that could use a lot more polish, but I hope you get the idea regardless).

Anyway, after that, we get Maidenbowl, where Cinder is meaningfully challenged for the first time in this fight. Winter seems to be winning, but yet again, Cinder gains an advantage by directing her attacks at a vulnerable target her main opponent cares about protecting. She's done it so consistently throughout this fight that it is 100% a deliberate strategy, just like the way Yang destroys the terrain to give herself an advantage in combat, and despite my intense dislike of the specific story beat mentioned above, I think the writing/animation/storyboarding etc. crews did a great job of telling Cinder's story with this fight. She's definitely smarter than a lot of her haters give her credit for.

To be honest, I don't like Volume 8 very much, for a lot of different reasons. I might expand upon that in other posts, but this one is long enough as it is.

#rwby #analysis #cinder fall #neopolitan #ruby rose #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #jaune arc #penny polendina #winter schnee

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bthump · 1 year

Note

How many of your theories were confirmed true? Was it satisfying? Is there anything you predicted wrong and wish could change? Do you accept the story more or less for now? Is there anything that made you almost quit?

Thanks for asking!

Not a whole lot lol. Most specifically, I predicted that there were 4 previous Godhand members and Void was the last of that group/the first of this group. I predicted the Elfhelm quest going south and ending in misery, but I certainly did not predict how lol, and I wish it was more dark and more emphatically tragic, but tbf there's still some room to get worse that Guts is having his breakdown.

This is a bit of a stretch, but I consider Guts restlessly swinging his sword and asking himself what the hell he's supposed to do now in chapter 358 to be pretty close to confirmation of my theory that Guts bringing Casca to Elfhelm was basically a distraction for him, and a vague hope that fixing Casca would solve his problems that did not come to fruition.

I guess I kinda predicted Elfhelm having a shady history that becomes relevant, in that a bunch of ancient tortured soul-goo ate a bunch of people, or whatever lmao. I was hoping it would be relevant in a more interesting way, but I'd say it kinda counts.

I predicted Griffith crying at some point, but I didn't think it would be this soon, and it's still something he's blaming on the werebaby so it only half-counts.

Oh and I definitely called Guts seeing Griffith naked again, and Miura drawing more naked Griffith in general lol.

Among plenty of other things, I incorrectly predicted that the behelit would open and result in tragedy right after Casca gets her memories back, and that she'd sacrifice moonbaby, and I would love to change that lol, I think it would've been a ton of fun and a great set up for a third act. Still got my fingers crossed for the climax tho since that behelit's still hanging around.

The incorrect prediction that's definitely not gonna happen at any point now is Elfhelm turning out to be antagonistic in some way. And again, I definitely would've preferred that - I found the sudden evil goo, Elfhelm fading away, and Danann just being kind of sad and ineffectual, pretty underwhelming lol.

And enh, idk what accepting the story entails exactly. I reserve the right to be disappointed about how it goes lol, and to think it could've been better, or more personally enjoyable, if xyz happened, but I think that whatever is going to happen is probably roughly what Miura intended, and even if it's not what I want I can live with it. I'm not gonna be starting a #releasetherealending twitter campaign or anything lmao.

And nothing's made me nearly quit so far. I am a tried and true quitter of disappointing media though, so I could see myself dropping it in the future potentially - like what would happen is tumblr would die, or people would stop interacting with me on this blog so I'd stop updating it, and I'd stop keeping up with new chapters, and eventually I'd hear on the grapevine that it ended disappointingly with virtually no griffguts-y content, and I'd be like 'welp that's a shame, guess I'll never finish it.'

But yk, as long as I'm active on this blog, and as long as I have hope for more griffguts content lol, I'm gonna keep reading and discussing new chapters.

#ask #anonymous #b #theme: opinion #theme: speculation

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inlocusmads · 2 years

Text

A quick hasty sketch of Nora & Aneesa (my OC) for Bisexual Awareness Week hosted by the lovely @choicespride (and also I can't draw hands.)

Get yourself a girlfriend who'll talk endlessly for hours and hours on the many interesting cases she's come across, to the point where the hours translate into days and you're so close to screaming but also you're incredibly touched that you're the only person with whom she shares everything

Bonus:

Aneesa : *cracks the corniest joke* Nora: omg you're the coolest person ever pls marry me thank u.

Headcanons:

Aneesa's Nora's ex-partner. She used to be a small-time fraud trying to pay her dues and the two became good friends during Nora's time at the NYPD. Soon the friendship blossomed into something more, thanks to Aneesa's charisma but equal shyness and Nora's confidence mixed in with her crippling insecurities. They almost become two halves of a whole.

Until.. exactly eleven months later, Aneesa is targeted by a massive crime group that's convinced she's some "key witness" who's got people in the police. They frame her for something she didn't commit and Aneesa's now both on the lam from the crime gang and the law.

Nora helps Aneesa escape the country on a houseboat, en route to Hong Kong as planned, but she never makes it there.

Since Aneesa's on the run, she makes sure to completely erase her history, change her name and run to an entirely different country to throw her chasers off the course. It leaves Nora in the dark for nearly two years.

Later, Nora receives a bittersweet letter that says Aneesa's doing well and fine but she can never talk to her again, because of obvious security reasons and that, Nora worked at the NYPD of all places. Both of them could be tried for a crime, simply because they were trying to escape.

This leads Nora to quit the Force and spend the next six years wallowing in her sorrows.

A/N: This is why I didn't write the "houseboat" fic lol. It was just too angsty and I cried like, five times trying to string coherent sentences and had several mental breakdowns at 3 AM. I'll def write it at some point in the future, for sure! It's still a draft for now.

I really want to tell Aneesa's story and make it into a full-fledged mini series of some kind, and not some one-off one shot, because Aneesa was one of the most important people in Nora's life. If not for her, she wouldn't have had the confidence to be the person she is today and honour her father, rather than convincing herself that she isn't worthy.

Relationships, regardless of one's sexuality, is all about that, in my opinion; to grow and mature as an individual but at the same time, support one another and be a listening ear during some tough times.

#my art #choicespride #bisexuality awareness week #nora rose x aneesa wang

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madmonroe · 2 years

Text

Life Update

So. This last week has been a roller coaster of emotions and to quickly sum it up: a friend is having a major emotional breakdown and hurt me, and I'm trying to be considerate of his situation, but as it is now I'm keeping him at arm's length for both our sakes (there's a lot of details that go further into why he "friend dumped" me but I don't wanna get into it). I'm also being asked to vacate the apartment I'm living in. My mom has lived here for over 15 years (I've moved out when I was younger and moved back in as an adult with her, but I've been paying the whole of rent for a few years now). Basically, the new landlord doesn't care what the old one said about grandfathering us into the cheap rent. This guy wants to "renovate" the place and essentially double our rent (the old landlord didn't do a lot of upkeep, so there's a lot of little things to be prettied up, nothing essential is needed save a vent/window in the bathroom). Yay, greed. So, all in one day I was friend dumped via text and then told I had a month to get out of my home. A couple days later my ex friend tried to make up with me and made an excuse for his behavior that was pretty upsetting...

I am generally past the sadness and worst of the anxiety, but I am very tired. I'm trying to focus on finding a new place to live. One of my longest, closest best friends is also getting married next week (and I'm part of the wedding party, and thank whatever forces be that it's fairly casual and I otherwise have no responsibility in it). I'm also trying to focus on being happy and excited for that... It's a lot right now.

That wasn't the quickest sum up, but hey. It could be longer and way more thorough. I just wanted to say sorry to anyone expecting or waiting for the various uploads I've been talking about the past couple months. I really wanna keep organizing add-ons for the Eddie ref post. I really wanna draw more Rise of the TMNT stuff- I've been doodling so much future! Donnie and Jude. I also wanna continue that Digimon short comic (that was starting to get longer? And I was thinking of putting a hard pause on it and actually writing some stuff out, whereas I had just been thumbnailing/sketching a half-baked idea). So... Idk. I'll probably get some sketches posted soon, but nothing serious or finished like I was hoping for... Wish me luck on all the adulting I have to do! 😅😅😅

1 Sept '22 ~ Mad

#text post #life #madmonroe

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lilyevanstan1325 · 4 months

Text

🔥 Dangerous Game 🔥

Chapter 8

Bucky POV

I do not know what to do.

I do not know what to say.

I hear Amaya breathing heavily behind me, she is hyperventilating.

She is totally in a panic.

Sharon in front of me has eyes full of tears and contempt.

"Sharon please listen to me" I whisper in a faint voice.

My throat is dry.

The woman in front of me turns her back to me and runs away from the kitchen.

Even though my heart tells me to turn around and check how Amaya is I know I can't, at the moment my priority is talking to Sharon.

I follow her.

“Wait Sharon!Please don't do that”

She stops her running and turns to me.

God if a glance could kill, in this moment, I would certainly be dead.

"Do not do that?Are you kidding?"

Her screams attract everyone's attention.

Steve quickly gets up from the couch and takes a few steps towards us.

“Hey hey!Calm down guys.What happens?" my best friend asks me.

I can't answer him, I can't even look him in the eye out of shame.

Soon he will know the truth and I don't know if I will ever be able to bear the weight of his disappointed look.

"Answer your best friend, come on!" Sharon teases me.

Her words are full of anger.

“Can't do it, huh?You suck!" she continues sobbing.

Great, now she's also crying.

"Oh but maybe you can tell what happens"

At Sharon's words I don't even need to turn around to understand who she is talking to.

Amaya has come out of the kitchen and now she is a few steps behind me.

I lift my gaze that rests on Sam and Natasha, they both have their gaze fixed on Amaya and seem ready to rush to her rescue.

I just turn around and out of the corner of my eye I see what condition my little robin is in.

She seems on the verge of a mental breakdown.

Shit.

I return to focus my attention on Sharon.

Steve is the only one in this room who looks blatantly confused.

"You don't speak either?You're just a little slut” she hisses to Amaya.

Her gaze then returns to me.

“How could you do this to me James?Tell me that's not true!I beg you!I love you!" Sharon whimpers, her eyes red and puffy.

She sniffs at her and runs a hand over her eyes, smearing her face with mascara.

"I'm sorry Sharon" is all I can say.

"That's all?Are you sorry?After almost a year and a half of relationship, can you only say that you are sorry?"

I feel everyone's eyes on me.

At this moment I just want a chasm to open under my feet and the earth to swallow me.

It wasn't supposed to be like that.

I wanted to talk to her calmly, explain everything I was feeling.

Begging her to forgive me.

But now whatever I say will never be enough.

Steve gets even closer to me.

"What's up brother?" he whispers to me.

I look at him but no words come out of my lips.

It's like my brain has stopped working.

I feel like throwing up.

Sharon's sarcastic laugh draws my and Steve's attention.

“I'll tell you what's going on.Your dear friend Bucky fucks with that whore” and as she says she points to Amaya behind me.

Amaya gasps and a strangled sob comes from her lips.

Steve's eyes widen in amazement.

His gaze moves back and forth between me and the redhead.

"What?" he asks me in shock.

"Sharon I..." Amaya tries to say something but Sharon attacks her in anger.

“Shut up bitch!Don't you dare speak to me!” as she talks about her she comes dangerously close to her.

Now stop.

This is enough.

I can't stay here embalmed like an idiot watching Sharon take it out on Amaya.

I put myself between the two women and I raise my hands in front of me.

“That's enough Sharon.Leave Amaya out of this story.If you have to blame someone, that someone is me but leave Amaya alone”

Sharon stops her march and looks at me with contempt, as if I were an insect to be squashed.

"Are you joking?Are you worrying about her?"

She watches me carefully then her pupils dilate with her astonishment.

"No way.No fucking way!" she exclaims laughing.

A hysterical laugh.

“It's not just sex between you two, right?Oh my God!How did I not notice it before?"

She begins to move back and forth, everyone in this room watching her.

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice that Natasha has reached Amaya's side, they hold hands while the former Russian spy whispers something in her ear.

Sharon resumes with her monologue.

"Don't tell me you fell in love with her!"

I close my eyes about her and she immediately understands the reason for my reaction.

"You disgust me.I've been waiting for over a year for you to tell me you love me.I gave you all the time and space you needed.How could you do this to me?"

Her voice breaks but she clears her throat and continues.

“So do you love her?I want to know it!" her scream shakes the walls of the room.

Sam and Steve look at each other, they know the situation will only get worse.

"So?" Sharon presses me.

I feel pressured, as if something is pressing on my chest anxious to get out.

Panic is the only feeling I have at the moment.

My answer to her question would become a double-edged sword.

But I feel exasperated by Sharon's pressure so...

"Yes!" I yell at her then lower the tone of my voice which becomes almost a whisper, trembling from the chaos of emotions that are shaking me.

"Yes I love her" I continue.

I turn to Amaya.

She has her hands in front of her mouth, a totally shocked expression on her face.

Natasha instead next to her tries to hold back a smile, she has always known it.

“I'm sorry I told you so.I'm sorry it happened this way but it's the truth.I love you”

Then I turn my attention back to Sharon.

Her body trembles with anger.

“I'm so sorry Sharon.You are a very important person to me, you have been with me at all times.You were with me and Steve when you helped us escape the government.You were with me in Wakanda when I got rid of the monster that lived in me.You were with me when I wanted to give up therapy but with your words you convinced me to go on.You were with me when nightmares didn't make me sleep at night.You were my lifeline, thanks to your love I realized that it was worth living.But I think I confused gratitude with love.God if you only knew how hard I tried to love you!I tried with all my strength, I rejected my feelings for Amaya with all of myself...but I failed.I care about you, very much, but I don't love you.I have never been able to love you because deep down I didn't even love myself”

I'm short of breath and I feel a tear slip from my eyes.

Now that I have begun to speak, to vent, I can no longer stop.

“I never made fun of you, ever!But I felt a prisoner of my own life.Being with you had become an obligation and I am sorry for this terrible feeling of mine.Being with you was right in everyone's eyes and I didn't want to disappoint anyone.I was a monster, a killer, and I was forgiven.I became the hero.I couldn't disappoint anyone's expectations”

I turn to Steve.

“When I told you that Sharon and I got together you seemed so proud of me.You told me she was the one, that she would help me in this new life.That I had made the right choice”

I turn my attention back to the woman in front of me.

Sharon listens to me without speaking, she hardly seems to breathe.

“Fuck!Tony Stark also complimented me when he found out about us.You understand?I killed his parents in cold blood and he complimented me.He gave me a job, a house, a family…”

I pause for a moment when I feel Amaya's little fingers intertwining with mine.

I look down at her, she is crying just as I am crying.

I keep talking.

"The man who must hate me most in the world esteems me.Steve believes in me.Sam has always treated me like everyone else.But I don't deserve the respect of all these men because I felt miserable despite everything.And that makes me ungrateful.Being Captain America's best friend is exhausting, I've always tried to be on par with him.I never wanted to disappoint anyone I swear but then Amaya came into my life…”

I take a breath and a sweet warmth warms my chest.

“And I realized that I deserved more, that I didn't have to settle for pleasing others.I have finally found my place in the world.I'm sorry if I had to hurt you to be okay, you don't deserve it.You don't deserve all of this and I will feel indebted to you for life.I just hope that one day you can forgive me.I need you in my life but not as you wish”

I squeeze Amaya's hand tightly, I'm almost afraid of hurting her.

She returns my squeeze.

An icy silence fell in the room.

Nobody talks.

Nobody talks because nobody knows what to say.

Sharon and I look at each other for one very long last minute.

"I can't...I can't...I hate you James, I hope I'll never see you again" she hisses, looking at me with contempt.

She turns her back to us and goes away.

I turn to my little robin who is watching me with her wonderful green eyes.

I try to smile at her to reassure her but what forms on my face looks more like a grimace of pain.

I feel empty of all feelings right now, I can't feel any emotion.

"I think she didn't take it very well" exclaims Sam, pointing his gaze towards the door where Sharon came out.

I can't help it but I smile and I'm not the only one to do it.

"You're an idiot Wilson" Nat replies, rolling her eyes.

The tension seems to subside but then I realize that Steve is staring intently at me.

Shit.

I absolutely have to talk to him.

I turn completely towards Amaya and rubbing her arms with my hands I ask her "Are you okay doll?"

She nods without speaking.

"Are you sure?"

Another nod from her.

Ok!I got it.

I think what awaits me will be a very long night.

I sigh.

“How about we talk about it later?You can wait for me in my room if you want.I absolutely have to talk to Steve now”

“Don't worry about me.I'll wait for you upstairs”

Finally she uses her voice to answer me.

I give her a kiss and place my forehead against her.

We break away when we hear Steve talking to Natasha.

"Why am I not surprised that you already knew?" Steve asks her with his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes sharp.

Natasha in response raises an eyebrow and mimicking the tone of voice of her boyfriend.

“Why am I not surprised you didn't notice?He is your best friend dumbass!" Steve rolls his eyes in response.

Amaya walks away from me and I see her approach Steve.

“Don't be mad at her Steve.She is not involved.I was the one who asked her not to mention it to anyone.I'm sorry”

My friend's gaze softens.

“You have no fault Snow and I'm not mad at Nat for keeping this from me.She is your best friend and she is the most loyal woman I know, of course she would have kept your secret at any cost”

Amaya's eyes light up.

"Thanks Steve, your words really mean a lot to me"

Steve comes even closer to her and hugs her.

Nat looks at me smiling, I smile back.

Maybe things will turn out well in the end.

Sam approaches the two redheads and bringing one arm around Amaya's shoulders and the other around Nat's, exclaims "Ok, now let's leave these two alone.I think we have something to talk about.If you're looking for us, we're in my room for a hot and rough threesome”

Amaya bursts out laughing as Natasha nudges him in the side.

“In your dreams Wilson.In your dreams!" the Romanoff makes fun of him.

The three of them leave the room together, just before disappearing from my view Amaya turns to me.

Her gaze is full of fear and questions.

I smile at her and wink at her, she laughs and walks away shaking her head.

Steve is behind me, I arm myself with all the courage I have and I turn to him until we find ourselves facing each other.

Neither of us talks.

His expression is illegible.

"Really Buck?" is his only question.

“I'm sorry Steve.I didn't want to disappoint you”

We look each other straight in the eye, the same eyes that have accompanied me for a lifetime.

“I wanted to tell you about it earlier, I didn't want you to find out like that.You deserved to know the truth directly from me” I admit with shame.

Steve continues to stare at me.

"Did you really think you could disappoint me if you left Sharon?" Steve looks hurt.

“I have always and only wanted your happiness.No matter who or how, I've always wanted only your good.I will always want the best for you.Why didn't you tell me how you really felt?"

“Because I didn't want to let you down Steve.You seemed so proud of me that I never had the strength to tell you what I really felt.I owe you my life.Seventy years ago you saved me from Hydra and after seventy years you did it again.Without you I wouldn't be here today.I owe you more than you can imagine”

I try to speak to him with an open heart, this time I want to be really honest.

“But Bucky I'm happy if you are happy.I don't care who you love.I will always be proud of you.You've fought so hard in your life that you deserve all the happiness this world can ever offer you”

“Often I don't feel worthy of all this love” I admit with a broken heart.

Steve walks up to me and grabs my shoulders.

“Don't ever say that again!You are a good person”

I interrupt him immediately, moving away from his grasp.

"This is not true!When I was the Winter Soldier I did things..."

"Oh shut the fuck up!"

This time it is my friend who interrupts me.

"When you were the Winter Soldier it wasn't you.The things you did you did because you had no other choice"

"I know...but I did it" I reply sadly.

“Bucky listen to me.What matters is who you are today, what you have become.In the eyes of the world you are a hero because you fought to save millions and millions of people.In my eyes you are a hero because you fought against the darkness that was in you.And you won.I just want your happiness and if your happiness is next to Amaya, that's fine by me.Do you think she could be the one?"

"She's the one Steve.She is my world”

I have no doubt about this.

“Then you have my full support, Buck.You have my blessing even though you absolutely don't need it”

We hug.

"I'm with you till the end of the line, pal" Steve whispers in my ear, patting me on the back.

We remain silent for a while, then after having separated from our embrace we both sit on one of the sofas in the room.

"I didn't want it to go like this" I sigh, bringing my hands to my face, rubbing my eyes hard.

“I didn't want Sharon to find out like that.I didn't even want to cheating on her!I'm not that kind of man, I've never been.But it happened and I couldn't stop” I sigh sadly.

"Sharon is an intelligent woman" replies my friend.

"In time I am sure she will forgive you"

"And you?Will you ever forgive me for lying to you?"

Steve looks at me confused.

"Buddy you have nothing to forgive" he smiles at me, a contagious smile that I can not help but return.

"Thanks pal!" I exclaim, breathing a sigh of relief.

His support means a lot to me.

"So you love her, huh?" the corner of Steve's lips lifts upwards.

I laugh heartily.

“Yeah.I guess"

"Do you guess?" retorts Captain America.

We both burst out laughing.

“Oh I'm sure.I just hope I haven't frightened her with this statement of mine dropped so point blank" I giggle with a hint of anxiety.

"From what I've seen I really think that the feeling is mutual" my friend replies, placing a hand on my knee.

“Now go to her.I'm sure you'll have a lot to talk about” he gets up from the couch and holds out his hand to help me, a hand that I gladly hold and accept.

We each head to our room but just before I can enter mine Steve's voice stops me on the threshold of the door.

“As far as it counts, I want you to know that I like Amaya.She has had a difficult life but she is a good girl.She a little like you.Together you complete each other.I think this story can work"

"Thank you man"

He walks away and I go into the room.

The room is completely dark and silent.

"Amaya" I call but get no answer.

"Doll?Are you in here?" I ask entering the bathroom where I can not find anyone.

I feel the agitation making space inside me.

I grab the phone and look for her contact, press the green button and holding the phone to my ear, I pray to any existing deity so that she will answer me.

After three rings her crystalline voice rings in my ears.

"James?"

"Where are you?" I ask her full of anxiety.

"I'm on the roof"

"I'm on my way.Wait me doll”

So saying I quickly leave my room and head towards the roof of the Tower.

Amaya POV

I'm shaking.

My body trembles uncontrollably, I can put one foot in front of the other only because Natasha's arm encircles my shoulders.

"We're almost there honey, hold on" Natasha whispers as she drags me into her room.

I feel dizzy at the speed with which tonight's events have engulfed me.

I should feel relieved, happy.

Now Bucky and I can be together.

We no longer have to hide.

But instead I feel like I'm dying of guilt and shame.

Sharon is ultimately right.

I am just a whore.

"You overthink" Natasha scolds me as she opens the door to her bedroom.

I sigh and follow her inside.

She slips her heels off her feet.

"Jesus!These devil objects should be used as instruments of torture” she sighs with relief and then makes her shoes disappear under her bed.

I sit on the edge of the bed, torturing my hands while continuing to think about everything that has happened.

“What if she is right, Nat?After all, I'm a slut.I destroyed their relationship”

My eyes fill with tears.

“Honey, you haven't destroyed a damn thing.You just accelerated their separation.It was a story destined to end”

I know my best friend is right but I can't help but feel guilty.

Natasha sits next to me, her hand rests on my back massaging it with small circular movements.

"It will all be fine.Besides, James loves you”

I hear her giggle beside me.

My cheeks are tinged with a rather bright red.

My God he really said that.

He said it in front of all our friends.

James loves me.

But I?I love him?

I know the answer.

The same words were slipping out of my lips just before Nat interrupted us to ask for my help in getting the cake.

Fuck.

Everything is going too fast.

"Do you think he really meant it?" I ask in a faint voice.

Natasha looks at me with an arched eyebrow.

"Are you fucking blind?Jesus Christ Amaya, I love you but sometimes you are really so naive”

I laugh at her words.

"I'm not naive...I just think I'm scared of love" I admit with my heart pumping furiously into her chest.

“The only people I've ever loved with my whole being have been ripped away from me.What if I lose him too?Or what if something happens to you one day?Or to Steve?Or to Sam?I feel that I love each of you as if you were my family and this scares me.And love Bucky…oh shit!This thing literally knocks me out of my mind!"

My breathing quickens, I feel the panic that I kept locked deep inside me rise to the surface threatening to screw up my sanity.

"Amaya relax and breathe, ok?"

I listen to Nat's advice and begin to breathe deeply.

"It is normal to feel this way when you love someone, the important thing is not to dwell on it for too long.People die every day the real difference is how you live.If you focus your whole being on fear, giving up love, you will only live a half life.Try to think of beautiful things.To our laughter, to all the stupid things Sam says or does.Think about when Steve swears at his phone because he has no idea how the hell it works”

We both burst out laughing.

"You see?So it's simpler.And much more beautiful” Natasha tells me, placing her gaze on my face.

“Now just think about the good things you and Barnes shared.The first kiss.The first caresses.Those stolen moments that made your heart beat in unison.If you focus on all of this you will find the right way to live a spectacular life"

I feel my eyes moisten at the wonderful words of Natasha"

Since when did you become so wise Romanoff?" I ask smiling trying to mask the tears that inexorably press to go out.

“Nah…I'm not wise.I just suffered too, just like you and Barnes" she takes a good break then a sweet smile forms on her lips.

“Steve taught me all of this.Steve was my salvation.Without him today I don't know what I would be”

Her eyes are bright, every word of her exudes love for his handsome Captain.

“Now why don't you go to your handsome knight's room?Surely he will be with you soon and you will surely have a lot to talk about” she tells me.

I get up with a sigh.

"Do you think Steve is mad at James?"

“God no!Absolutely not.Steve just wants his friend to be happy.Don't get too paranoid” she smiles at me, trying to give me courage.

She gets up too and hugs me and then she walks me to the door.

"Do you want me to accompany you?" Nat asks me, a hint of concern in her eyes.

“No, I'm fine.Do not worry.See you tomorrow, goodnight”

“Goodnight Snow”

Natasha slowly closes the door and I walk away.When I reach the door to Bucky's room, my hand is blocked on the handle, literally panicking.

I can not enter.

I need to be alone for a while, I feel my head explode and talking to him is the last thing I want right now.

An idea springs to my mind and taking off my shoes and holding them in my hands I head towards the staircase that will take me to the roof of the Tower.

When I go out into the fresh air I breathe deeply, the unmistakable smell of New York comforts me.

I sit on the fire escape and lose myself watching the traffic below, at this moment thousands of people live their lives, each unaware of someone else's pain.

I feel the phone vibrate in my bag, I grab it, checking the display.

"James?"

"Where are you?" his voice so deep and sensual seems worried.

"I'm on the roof"

"I'm on my way.Wait me doll”

I close the call.

It only takes a few seconds and the door behind me opens with a metallic creak.

I don't turn around, I honestly have no idea what's going to happen now.

Bucky sits next to me with his elbows on his knees.

His hands folded under his chin.

His gaze is lost on the New York skyline, the lights of the city are reflected in his clear eyes, creating plays of light that take your breath away.

Seems like he's not doing well at the moment either.

Neither of us speaks, all around us only the sounds of the big city.

I take a deep breath and with my heart swollen with fear I decide to speak.

"So...what now?" I ask fearful of his answer.

Maybe he's so quiet because he doesn't know how to tell me that he has changed his mind, that he realizes he was wrong and that he wants to go back to her.

I feel like I could throw up at any moment.

Bucky turns to me, his wonderful eyes shine like diamonds and my heart flips at the sight of this marvel of man in front of me.

"I guess we take it one step at a time.There is a lot to navigate here...but I want to do that.Togheter"

At his words I release the breath that I didn't realize I was holding.

"Can I ask you something?"

I have millions of questions to ask him but this one, in my heart, has top priority.

“Sure robin.Anything you want”

I take courage and throw myself.

"Do you really mean what you told me earlier?"

My fingers tremble visibly and he notices it.

I can't look him in the eye, I don't have the courage to do it.

"Amaya?Amaya please look at me”

I cannot but obey his sweet order.

Our eyes meet and while mine is confused and frightened, his eyes shines with a dazzling light.

“There are a lot of things that I am unsure of at the moment, a lot of things scare me and I have no idea how to get over it…but of one thing I am sure...I love you Amaya.In the midst of the mess that is my life now my love for you is my only certainty that I have.I know it's all so absurd, it all happened too fast but I mean exactly what I told you.I love you, I love you more than I can love myself.I really do.God I feel so good to say that out loud.I've been wanting to say that since the minute I've understood it"

His words hit me straight to the heart.

My fingers grip the purse in my hands so tightly that the knuckles are white, the bones seem to want to pop out of the skin at any moment.

Bucky seems to misunderstand my reaction because he immediately adds "But don't freak out, ok?One step at a time and if you want…”

But I don't let him finish and dropping the bag at my feet I throw myself into his arms, he certainly did not expect this sudden reaction of mine and so for a moment he remains dumbfounded.

I tighten my arms around his neck strongly, he seems to recover and with his mighty arms he holds me and pulls me up, moving me and making me sit on his legs.

I feel his arms tighten around my waist, I move away just enough to look him in the eye.

"I love you too James" I can't say anything else because a sob shakes my chest, I feel that all the tears I held back today are about to break their banks.

I begin to sob softly, I rest my head on his chest and let myself be lulled by the rhythm of his heart.

He in response hugs me even tighter.

“It's okay doll, let it out.I'm sorry for everything you went through today because of me”

I keep crying, I really need to.

Bucky all the time strokes my hair, my back.

I feel his lips resting on my forehead and head.

Slowly I calm down and when I feel that I am regaining control of myself I ask him another question.

"Can I ask you something?Again?"

He laughs, his laugh is lost in the starry sky.

I smile too.

"Sure.Come on ask!"

"When you pictured the girl you imagined by your side...did you picture someone like me?I mean, was I what you wanted?"

James lifts a corner of his lips.

"No!"

"Hey!" I answer him trying to pose as an offense but a smile escapes from my lips making me fail miserably in my intent.

"I mean...c'mon!" he answers me laughing.

"I'm kidding my little robin!I don't now what I expected exactly but I do know this...I'm happy it was you.And you?Have you ever thought that you would fall in love with someone like me?"

“Sure!I mean…look that damn metal arm!C'mon!It's so hot"

I try to pretend to be serious but I can't hold back the laughter.

Bucky pinches my side.

“So it's just for that, huh?It's all about sex for you!I don't know whether to feel offended or to be flattered”

I laugh at his pouting face and grabbing it in my hands I squeeze it and then kiss his soft lips.

“If I had to live a thousand more lives I would choose you Sergeant Barnes”

I whisper on his lips before kissing him.

"I always choose you" I say and kiss him again and deeply this time.

His mouth opens allowing access to my tongue.

This kiss tastes different than the others.

In it there is the awareness of the love that unites us, the awareness that we are finally free to love each other in front of the world.

My hands go down on his chest playing with his tags, a habit I can't do without anymore.

His hands from my hips go down to my thighs only to slip under my dress and go up to tighten the flesh of my hips.

I gasp at the contact of the cold Vibranium with my burning skin.

I feel his lips descend on my neck, his tongue traces a trail that goes down to the middle of my breasts.

I feel a heat radiating from the center of my thighs, I try to rub them together but Bucky blocks my every movement and with a light movement brings his hand over my panties.

He strokes the fabric, just pressing his thumb on the clit.

An obscene moan shakes my chest, I throw my head back praying for more.

"Oh James..." I sobbing shaken with pleasure.

His fingers just pull the panties aside and one of his fingers makes space inside me.

Slowly.

It is excruciating torture.

“Doll…you are so tight.You drive me out of my mind"

After a few seconds he removes his hand from my pussy and without ever taking his eyes off mine he brings to his lips the finger that was inside me a few seconds ago.

He sticks it in his mouth and sucks it, I feel his erection grow and press against my thigh.

“This…mmmh…this is my favorite taste in the world” he moans as he continues to lick his finger.

I can't resist and grabbing his hand I put the same finger in my mouth that he was sucking a few moments before.

His eyes dilate with excitement and without many preambles he brings his hand in Vibranium to my sex, inserting two fingers inside it, hooking them inside me.

He moves them incessantly, roughly as I continue to suck and lick his finger.

Obscene moans fill the air.

His mouth descends on my breasts, his teeth push aside the fabric that covers them.

His tongue masterfully handles my nipples.

As he penetrates me with his fingers he holds the palm of his hand open allowing me to rub my clit on it.

His fingers plus the gentle friction of my clit on his palm send me over the edge.

I cum moaning pathetically, my fingernails stuck in his arms as they search for a foothold to maintain a minimum of balance.

I ride the last waves of pleasure that from the center of my thighs spread throughout my body.

"I love you babe" I breathlessly whisper kissing that small portion of skin behind his ear that he loves so much.

"Allow me to take you to my room and I will show you with facts how much I love you"

"Do what you want with me Sergeant"

"Be careful what you want" so saying he grabs my butt making me tie my legs around his hips.

Holding on to him, we get off the roof and head to his room.

He opens the door in front of him and once inside he closes it with a kick.

He approaches the bed and throws me badly on it, his gestures are rough and desperate.

I understand his urgency because it is mine too.

He gets rid of the shirt by opening it with force, the buttons splash all over the room ending up everywhere.

I hear the clang of the belt opening and the sound of his pants zip fills my ears.

I look up and he is there in front of me.

Bare-chested and with an erection that stands proud, he lowers himself at my feet and grabbing me by the hips drags me to the edge of the bed.

He tears off my panties with a sharp movement, a hiss of pure lust leaves my lips.

A furious growl arises from his chest at the sight of my pussy open only for him so he grabs my thighs and squeezing them with enthusiasm if he places them on his shoulders.

I grab the hem of my dress and pull it up to give it better access to my warm and pulsating center.

"You are so beautiful.So perfect.You seem made for me” he whispers languidly.

His tongue is immediately ready and licked, his lips suck without even giving me time to catch my breath between groans.

The way he is fucking me with just the use of his tongue makes my toes curl and in a few moments my body is shaken by the second orgasm of this evening.

Bucky rises above my body and leans on me and penetrates me with a single push.

I gasp, my sex is very sensitive at the moment but he doesn't seem to care, he pushes his hips against me with enthusiasm.

My legs tie around his hips, my hands are in his hair while his are pointed on the bed to support his weight.

“Oh Amaya…fuck!You…you have no idea how much I love you” he gasps a few millimeters from my lips, his tags swinging sinfully with every thrust of him.

I close my eyes and enjoy the moment.

Trying to impress every little detail in my mind.

The sound of our hips colliding.

The sound of his guttural moans.

The scent of his sweaty skin.

But in the time of the blink of an eye my mind registers something unusual.

Bucky's thrusts slow down to a complete stop.

He is still inside me but he is still, his eyes closed as if what he was seeing made him suffer too much forcing him to close them.

I am immediately alarmed, my heart seems to want to jump out of my chest.

"What's going on babe?"

Silence from him.

"Please James talk to me" I whisper.

He comes out of me and rolls off my body, I immediately get up and look at him carefully.

He is lying on his back, his dick still erect and throbbing resting on his stomach.

He has an arm over his eyes.

I bring my trembling hands to him and caress his chest.

He seems in agony.

“Tell me what is bothering you.Tell me what I can do for you” I ask politely.

He moves his arm away from his face and his expression tears my heart.

His eyes are sad, a sadness as old as the world.

"My biggest fear is that eventually you will start to see me the way I see myself" whispers with a breath of voice the wonderful man in front of me.

"Oh babe" the voice dies in my throat, some tears get out of my control.

“Please don't cry doll.I don't want you to cry for me”

Bucky uses his thumb to wipe away my tears.

“I would like to give you my eyes to make you understand how I see you James.You are such a good man.You are a loyal friend.A sweet and caring boyfriend.In my eyes you are the most beautiful thing that could ever happen to me”

I lower myself to his lips and start kissing him again.

“I know how you feel because I feel the same.You think you are not enough.I know how it feels.But let me tell you that you are more than enough for me” I whisper, just pulling away from his lips.

"I love you Amaya"

"I love you too"

Let's go back to kissing and without thinking too much I climb astride his member and using my hand I guide him back into me.

I support myself by placing my hands on his chest and begin to rock slowly with my pelvis.

Bucky gasps, his moans let me know he likes what I'm doing.

“Yes robin!Just like that!You are perfect, you are absolutely perfect"

I move up and down on his cock, he brings his hand on my hips dictating the rhythm while the other hand goes to tease the most sensitive part of my sex.

Bucky lifts his back until he is seated, grabs my hips with both hands and helps me in my movements.

Movements that have now become frenetic.

“I'm about to cum robin.Don't stop. Don't stop” he hisses between his teeth.

After a few moments I feel James's warm seed filling me.

He cum murmuring my name like a sweet litany.

I feel overwhelmed by that hot sensation and I cum too, I dive into his lips, kissing him forcefully.

I bite his lower lip until it bleeds and he moans like he never has, his eyes filled with an almost animalistic lust.

Wild.

We both fall exhausted on the bed, his arms spread over it and I lying helpless on his chest.

"Are you ok doll?I'm sorry I was a little rough”

I lazily lift my head from his chest, our eyes meet.

He looks genuinely sorry.

I laugh heartily and kiss his soft tempting lips.

“And I wanted to ask you if we could do it more often.Even rougher than that in my opinion”

James's laughter vibrates in his chest and reverberates throughout my body still resting on him.

“Don't laugh, I'm serious.I wouldn't mind trying something hotter...if you know what I mean" I chuckle on his jaw between kisses.

Without understanding how I find myself back on the bed again, James positioned between my thighs, incredibly his erection pressing again against my inner thigh.

“I can settle you right away if you want.I'm not done with you for tonight yet” he whispers sensually to me as he finishes undressing me with his expert hands.

I was so caught up in the heat of the moment that I didn't realize we were still half dressed.

He gets up leaving me alone and naked on the bed.

He takes off his pants immediately followed by the boxers and completely naked goes to his closet, turns his back to me and I raise myself up on my elbows to observe his sculptural ass.

"Sergeant his butt is really worth biting, you know?"

I hear him laughing heartily and after a few moments he turns around and at a slow pace he comes back to me.

In his hands he holds a red silk tie.

"What are you going to do with that?" my voice is a shaking whisper, a mixture of excitement and fear.

He lifts a corner of his lips, a sly smile on his face.

"As I told you my little robin, I'm not finished with you yet and if everything goes according to my plans tomorrow morning you can barely walk"

He bites his lip, lust shines in his irises as blue as the sea.

My eyes scan every inch of his muscular body until they linger over his massive erection.

I feel a fire burning inside me, I lick my lips at the thought of being able to lick his dick.

"Do you like what you see?" his husky voice sends shivers down my spine.

"Mmh mmh" I nod unable to take my gaze away from his manhood so I find myself crawling until I find myself in front of it and stretching out a hand I touch it.

James hisses with pure pleasure.

I squeeze my hand around his cock covered with swollen, throbbing veins, I can feel the blood pumping through my hand.

I part my lips and wrap it with my lips, I feel his hand position itself just behind my neck, grabbing it with force.

“Fuck doll!Oh my…your mouth is so hot”

His penis moves in and out of my mouth at a slow, sensual pace.

With the tip of my tongue I trace a trail that goes from his balls to the angry red tip that I suck vigorously.

I grab his hot sex again with my hand and continue to masturbate him while I kiss his abdomen until I get to the cold tags hanging around his neck after which I get tired and staying on the bed I kneel in front of him holding out my wrists.

"Good girl" compliments Bucky stroking my cheek with his fingertips.

He begins to wrap my wrists with the soft red silk.

"From this moment on you will do whatever I ask of you, clear?"

"Yes" I whisper in the grip of a new excitement.

"Oh no doll I think you didn't understand...from now on I want you to call me Sir.You understood?"

"Yes sir" I lightly moisten my lips.

He looks at me with satisfaction.

"Good girl.Such a good girl” he lowers on my lips and kisses me then he makes me lie down by lifting my arms, stretching them above my head, and tying the tie that wraps my wrists tightly to the headboard.

"Are you ready doll?" he asks me overhanging me with the immense bulk of him.

“Yes sir” I whisper.

“I'm yours.I will always be yours"

I close my eyes and leave him in charge of my body for the rest of the night.

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