#i'm more concerned with hearing if they will renew it or not than i am at the fact malex are soulmates

[trillscienceofficer]

One thing that is also interesting when reading old fanzines is that the contributors can be incredibly scathing with the show and the characters they spend so much time thinking and writing about (sounds familiar?) Sometimes the authors' pointed criticism aligns with mine, but other times it really does not. The latter situation usually ends up highlighting the bias in the eye of the critic and in the fandom zeitgeist of the year 2000 more than anything else.

For example, I'm always surprised at how much flak the episode “Night” got from Janeway fans when it aired (and even well into the 00s) when I personally consider it one of the best Janeway episodes of the whole show, and a pretty effective depiction of a depressive episode at that. Yet, the fans back then were concerned that the episode had only weakened Janeway's authority overall, and made her look ‘unstable’ and unfit to command, damaging her reputation as first female captain. I understand being defensive on the topic (especially back then), but I get the feeling, personally, that even with the amount of shit Voyager got from fans for not ‘upholding Trek's vision of the future’, the ones who weren't ready to consider Kathryn Janeway as a person, one who might suffer the consequences of sensory deprivation and succumb to guilt by completely isolating herself, were them. It's strange to read such a trenchant interpretation of the events when to me the episode does so much to try and make the audience understand what is Janeway's state of mind, and how reconnecting to her crew with renewed trust ends up being the answer to her self-isolation. To me, the show got to a much deeper, more impactful truth about human nature with “Night” than the fans gave it credit for, and I'm not sure how many were ready to see or hear that back in 1998.

It's a reminder that when I bitch and moan about Trek shows what I'm doing is still just... baring my own very partial point of view to the world. I've changed my mind on many things over the years, luckily, and I while I know I can be bull-headed I would hope to still be open to multiple interpretations. And, most importantly, able to keep in mind that I am just as bound to this point in time and to my formative influences as Star Trek: Voyager and its fans were when it aired.

[bridgetoesoteria]

🔮Quickie Read: Pick an Oracle Card🔮

(This post has Piles 4-6)

Pile 4

Spread: Jack of Spades, 3 of Diamonds + Observer (Oracle)

Omg...are some of you pregnant? You could be pregnant and wondering how to break the news. Break the news usually has a slightly negative connotation. So maybe this is very inconvenient for some reason. Either way, the observer card is telling you to look to meditation or prayer (whatever your spiritual beliefs call for) for the guidance you seek.

"Cautious" and "clever" are repeated twice in the guidance book for this card. The next message I'm getting is that you may have to be more cunning than what you are used to or comfortable with. Right now, you have to look out for yourself. If you have to communicate something, choose your words carefully.

Card Description: The Observer watches the skies unlocking hidden messages. She is cautious, clever, and aware; understanding, cautious, clever, patience, endurance, connections.

TL;DR: Move very wisely right now. Seek "higher" guidance before you make a decision. Maybe you need to move according to the moon or astrological cycles. Choose your words carefully. Look out for your interests.

Pile 5

Spread: The Joker, Ace of Hearts + Medusa (Oracle)

Some of you could have Medusa tattoo, relate to Medusa, or be into Greek mythology. As soon as I flipped this pile over, I felt quite a spicy spicy feelinnn. What y'all got going on? lol. I was hearing "medusa the sedusa (seducer)" 💀💀

I'm sober so I know it ain't me...

If you aren't in that energy that is where you are headed. Your sexual energy could be, or will be, very strong. You may have a new romantic offer. I feel like this is with someone you have not been with. If there was an ex that put you in this medusa, man-eater type of energy, I don't think this is them. This feels positive.

If you are in this energy as self-protection, or you feel like a monster and that you put people off, that is not true. This card talks of shedding your skin, renewals/rebirths, and fears. You aren't tainted. If you are concerned about another person, they will be okay eventually. If this joker and ace of cups does not represent a new love situation, it could certainly mean new self-love.

TL;DR: It seems you are headed for healing. For some of you, you will have a new emotional connection with another person. You will be healing from past heartbreak. For others, you are shedding who you used to be and considering that maybe you aren't the problem (you're not). Both groups are lovable and deserve love from themselves and others 💞

Pile 6

Spread: Ace of Club, Jack of Clubs + Rose (Oracle)

Omg what is up with the last two piles lol. So much heat is coming through and its getting to me. Like I am ovulating right now so my ovaries literally cannot handle this. So uhh lets make this quick!

Honestly, this could be the energy many of you are in. You may hide it on the outside, but some of you are carrying a candle for another person. You probably are wanting to have some "one on one" time. I see that it is possible. You could have great chemistry in that way, even if everything else has gone to shit.

I think many of you know this person. The jack of clubs is somehow giving both knight and page, simultaneously 🤥🥴 If you cut them off I can see why. You have a lot of protection up. I think you are also very protected spiritually. If the right thing to do is stay away, then stay away. Keep yourself safe.

Another message I am getting is that some of you are so guarded and used to flying solo that you are blocking a potential partner. Again, you are protected and you can always ask for more. Maintain your boundaries, go at your pace, and consider giving someone a chance.

TL;DR: No matter what decision you make use protection. Idc what they tell you, how fired up you feel, or what your previous experiences may have been...always prioritize your health! You may have a hookup on the horizon. You could be debating if you should or you should not. If this person is cold or known for breaking hearts, it may be best to walk away. Others of you are being asked to consider letting your walls down just enough for you to let someone in. Know that you are protected and can always ask for more protection.

~ K

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

I'm a bit surprised how many people are against the UK billboard! I did donate, but I never expected this billboard to have the same effect or visibility as the Times Square one... And of course, I also don't expect it to have real impact on whether we get picked up or not. I thought we might get a few news articles about it in the UK and a morale boost from it.

I understand the concerns about the fundraiser transparency, of course. I don't know how other fandoms have done these fundraisers, whether they've been better at organizing them... There's certainly a lot to learn!

I've seen some people suggest that we shouldn't buy another billboard because... we already had one? I was just reading about the Wynonna Earp campaign and apparently they bought over 250 billboards between s3 and s4 when the show ran out of funding (I also found a Twitter thread with pics of 100 Times Square billboards they bought). If they had that many, then how is 2 billboards for OFMD overkill?

This fandom gets hate for the campaign no matter what we do, even for just tweeting about the show... Isn't visibility exactly what our campaign needs, though? Are we going to tone down the campaign just so we don't get harassed? I don't really see the point in trying to protect the fandom, when the only way to really do that is to completely shut up about the show. And I certainly won't be shutting up about it :D

Anyway. These are just my thoughts on the subject. I'm very curious to see the new billboard! We'll probably learn a lot from it, from how it affects the fandom and how the press reacts to it (if they do)... And of course, how DJ reacts to it.

OMG IM SO SORRY ANON! Yesterday blew up and I never got a chance to get back to you!

I'm with you-- I'm sure there is always something more to learn! I had read the transparency policy a few times right before it was announced (cause I was asked to put it up on my repository), and it seemed like it was pretty straight forward-- but obviously some things needed to be clarified! From what I've seen on the Save OFMD Crew Discord since then, they're working on taking feedback and are going to be updating it to make it more clear.

I also saw that there was a vote going on about leaving the website the same, and I think that passed, but dont quote me on that.

HOLLLY SHIT 250 billboards!? WOW. Well I'm glad they found some funding, jeez! And hey-- it worked right? I think they got their renewal, or at least they're getting a finale.

I respect your thoughts on the subject and I really apreciate you reaching out and expressing them! It's good to hear multiple points of view on it. I definitely agree that there's always going to be someone mad about the fandom. It's just hard I think for our friends who have been around and probably have PTSD from all the hate by this point. I think that means we, the folks still able to do it, should be the front liners on all this and help fight that hate back.

I offer this freely-- if I have the time, and you are running into problems with hate inside the fandom, hit me up. I enjoy being a polite menace and talking through things with people. I got my degree in International Studies/Relations so I have a lot of experience with talking through things-- and I'm more than happy to help if I can!

I am excited to see what happens with the billboard, come good or bad. Thanks anon for writing in, and so sorry again for the delay!

Sending love <3

[coridotmp3]

thanks for the tag, cori! your wip titles are immaculate. I absolutely must know about 99.3 kiss fm, jason sudeikis must pay, and mickey mouse the matchmaker.

:) thank you darling !!

99.3 KISS FM

This one's a college! bob floyd x reader !! bob, reader (nickname: cherry, pronouns: they/them), and various other daggers work the late shift at their college's radio station!! there's just endless amounts of mutual pining, a dash of miscommunication, and so many song references that only i will understand <3

have a little taste:

As the studio filled with the slow strums of “Trust” by Lucy Dacus, you made sure your mic was off before turning to the blob on the couch across from you. 

“Was that still too wordy? I’m really trying to take Penny’s note about brevity to heart but how else am I supposed to fill time?” 

Bob’s eyes shot up from where they had been focused on his laptop, composing his next setlist for the shift after yours. “I don’t think it was wordy but I think your pacing is more of an issue here. You literally said take a breath, but talked too fast to take one yourself. You’ll sound less like you’re rambling if you just slow down, speak with confidence.”

"If I had realized this job would be so stressful, I never would have begged Penny to let me sign up." You pouted, slumping in the desk chair as much as you could without falling off.

“Cherry, you’re fine! It’s not like the 12 people listening to a college radio station are gonna be concerned with your takes between songs. Not when you have the best song queue out of the whole lineup bar one.”

“If that one is you, I’m gonna smack you upside the head, Bo. I’m not listening to a whole night of The Cars, not again.”

“You love The Cars!”

“Yeah, in moderation! Not when I have to hear “My Best Friend’s Girl” eight times in a row at 2 in the morning!”

“I take back every nice thing I’ve ever said about you, obviously you have no taste.”

jason sudeikis must pay aka the hangster sleeping with other people au

two lonely souls in college agree to lose their virginities to each other, only to spend the next ten years having very strained relationships with sex. When they meet again in a sex addicts support group, Jake and Bradley decide to use their renewed friendship to help each other heal. Maybe, in more ways than one. (and also rhett abbott is there because i needed a scapegoat thank you <3)

something to whet your appetite:

"He came through every few weeks on one of his bull riding tours or to meet with vendors. He never stayed more than a night before he went back to her, and I was left with this profound emptiness in his absence.

I let myself get wrapped up in his world. I deluded myself with these fantasies that one day he would stay. All I wanted was for him to stay. I just wanted to be enough for him, so I broke myself apart into something I thought he would want. There's no telling how much of me I lost pursuing that pipe dream.

"Must have been a pretty good pipe to string you along like this for the past ten years."

"Oh shut up, Bradshaw."

"No, I'm serious! What, is it ten inches? Is it made of gold? Can it vibrate? What about him and his magical two foot long dick had you so spellbound?"

mickey mouse the matchmaker

this one is soooooo very self-indulgent. it's bob x mickey's cousin (x reader for now but that is subject to change). BASICALLY, mickey and bob have been good friends since their OCS training in Rhode Island all those years ago. While they were stationed in Newport, Mickey and Bob would go and visit Mickey's cousin while she was in school in Providence. Bob and the cousin got along like a house on fire, but were both too scared to do anything about it (even though mickey knows they both want to). Fast forward a few years, and she moves out to San Diego where the daggers are now stationed. AND WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT, READER NEEDS A PLACE TO LIVE AND BOB HAS AN EXTRA ROOM !! Mickey's masterplan is all coming together

(there's no excerpt for this one because the whole fic is just various one-liners strung together with a wish and a prayer)

CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOUR WIPS DARLING !!!

[adleryoung]

I see you've made a few suggestions.

Drown yourself in the nearby river.

What have I ever done to you??

I'll readily admit that my first interaction with Zandar could have been better thought out, and that I am not a saint, but Zandar certainly is no saint either. Far from it! Her entire life story is a shameful parade of manipulation, selfishness, villainy, and let's not forget MURDER. I'm not talking about tragic blunders here, not mere accidents, but actual, deliberate, intentional murder. She's done it! REPEATEDLY!! As for our daughter, of course why would anybody want Zandar anywhere near her? If that maniacal femme raised the princess, my daughter would either be dead or a crazed Unseelie serial killer by now. The first and only time Zandar interacted with the princess it ended with - but I'm getting ahead of myself. That part of the tale will eventually be told, if you stick around long enough to hear it.

Go check on your old allies.

I decided that my next order of business would be renewing ties with my old allies. I mentioned a while back (April 4, 2024) that while Zandar was pregnant, she slept a lot, and I used these opportunities to go out exploring. I found Rebecca and Burnside in a wood to the north, where they had set up a witches' coven of sorts … and frankly I was a bit perturbed to find that their organization seemed a lot more successful than any of the ones I had tried to start. It was a combination of petty envy and concern for the fatherly responsibilities which I knew would soon be falling upon me which caused me not to linger in "Wild Rebecca's" domain. But now was the time for the King of Faerie to establish formal relations with them. I summoned a few Ixies and we began discussing plans.

Deal unexpectedly with a survivor from the empire

I meant to stroll over to the O'dors' residence and check on the princess after sending the Ixies off on their mission …

… but that plan evaporated suddenly when I heard a rustling in the bushes and beheld Ash Marten, aka Dr. Owter Cesawonki, ambling into the stone circle and raising his hat to me in a lazily cordial manner.

[bonobonoyaatheart]

Don't push yourself- Choi Beomgyu

Summary: Comeback seasons mean loads of stress. Beomgyu pushes himself to do more, but you're there to boost his confidence

Word count: 592

Genre: Angst and fluff.

Pairing: Idol Beomgyu x gn Reader

As the comeback season approached for TXT, the pressure mounted, and Beomgyu found himself immersed in a whirlwind of rehearsals, interviews, and promotional activities. Amidst the chaos, the carefree and goofy side of Beomgyu, the one you fell in love with, seemed to fade away. He became consumed by the demands of their upcoming comeback, leaving you longing for the times when laughter and joy filled your days together.

One evening, as you entered your home, the sound of music and the sight of Beomgyu engrossed in practicing the intricate choreography of their new song greeted you. Concern washed over you as you noticed the exhaustion etched on his face. You approached him, gently calling him.

"Gyu, take a break. You've been pushing yourself so hard," you said, your voice filled with genuine worry.

Startled, Beomgyu stumbled and fell, his body exhausted from the intense training. He looked up at you, his eyes reflecting a mix of physical exhaustion and emotional strain.

Tears welled up in his eyes as he confessed, "I'm scared, (Y/N). Scared that I'm not enough, that I won't meet everyone's expectations. I want to make our comeback amazing, but the pressure is overwhelming."

Your heart ached at his vulnerability, realizing the weight he carried on his shoulders. Kneeling beside him, you took his hand in yours, providing a comforting presence.

"Listen to me, Gyu," you whispered, your voice filled with warmth. "You are more than enough. You pour your heart and soul into everything you do, and that's what makes you incredible. Your talent, passion, and dedication shine brightly."

Beomgyu's teary gaze met yours, seeking reassurance and comfort.

"You've brought so much joy and inspiration to countless people, including me," you continued, your voice unwavering. "You're not just an idol; you're a source of strength and hope. Don't let doubt dim your light."

As your words settled in, Beomgyu's trembling lips curled into a small smile, and tears cascaded down his cheeks. He pulled you into a tight embrace, seeking solace in your love and support.

"I needed to hear that," he whispered, his voice filled with gratitude. "Thank you for reminding me of who I am and for being my rock."

With renewed determination, Beomgyu wiped away his tears, his eyes reflecting a newfound strength. Together, you spent the rest of the evening creating moments of lightheartedness and laughter, relishing in the joy that defined your relationship.

In the following days, as the comeback drew nearer, Beomgyu approached his work with a newfound confidence. He poured his heart into perfecting his performance, knowing that his biggest supporter stood by his side.

On the day of the comeback stage, you stood among the cheering crowd, witnessing Beomgyu and TXT shine on the stage. His performance radiated passion and authenticity, captivating everyone in the audience. Beomgyu's eyes locked with yours, gratitude and love evident in his gaze.

After the performance, you rushed to his side, engulfing him in a tight embrace. Words were unnecessary as your embrace conveyed the pride and adoration you felt for him.

"You did it, Gyu," you whispered against his ear. "You surpassed all expectations. You were incredible."

Beomgyu beamed, his laughter contagious. "With you by my side, I can achieve anything, y/n. Thank you for reminding me of that."

In that moment, as you shared laughter and happiness, you realized that love had the power to heal wounds and reignite the light within. Together, you embraced the journey, knowing that as long as you stood united, there was no challenge too great to overcome.

A/N: Reblog and share if you like, and let me know what you think about this!

[belladoesmakeup]

Hi guys,

I was shopping in Oxford Street a few weeks ago and while I was browsing John Lewis, I noticed an Elizabeth Arden pop up shop! At the pop up shop they were showing customers their new and bestselling retinol products. The lady hosting the space was amazing she talked me through all the products and gave me some samples of products to try based on my skin type. Currently these products are sold exclusively through John Lewis so let's chat about the products!

The first sample I was given was the Elizabeth Arden Retinol + HPR Ceramide Rapid Skin-Renewing Water Cream, £75.00. The lady first used this cream on my hand to show the radiance of my skin and then after hearing my skin concerns she said this cream would be a good match for me. This cream can be used as a day and night cream and is formulated with pure retinol plus HPR, a next-generation retinol, skin-firming peptides, moisture barrier-strengthening ceramides, plumping hyaluronic acid and skin-soothing botanicals. The cream is designed to hydrate, brighten, smooth and clarify skins texture. Now that is a lot of claims for a moisturiser but since it is a high end product and price range I would personally want it to do a lot for my skin if I'm paying £75.00.

The second sample was the Elizabeth Arden Retinol + HPR Ceramide Capsules Serum, x 60 Capsules, £83.00. I had seen this product all around tik tok and beauty blogs for a long time but have never seen the capsules in person. In a full sized bottle you get 60 capsule serums to use and the lady kindly gave me a few different capsules since there are different versions of the serum for different skin types which was so sweet of her! Though I feel like I would get more use out of a bottle of serum rather than capsules, the capsules are fun to open. This specific serum is meant to leave skin looking radiant and revitalised. The serum states that after one week of use , wrinkles and pores are visibly reduced, skin feels firmer, and tone and texture are improved. Each pre-measured capsule is formulated with a precise blend dose of pure retinol plus HPR, a next-generation retinol, moisture barrier-strengthening ceramides, skin-firming peptides, and soothing botanicals.

While I am so excited to try out these prouducts and use them I probably won't be buying the full sized products due to the price but it is fun to experiment wtih different brands an see what they have to offer. I am very aware that this brand isn't in everyone's price range but if you are interested as always all products mentioned are linked above.

Lot's of love,

Bella x x

[chronotopes]

lark and 15 for the asks? OR ALL OF THEM i want to hear about them!! :D

HIIIIII HELEN I LOVE YOU i'm gonna briefly touch on all of them because you have given me the ok. but wow that is a really on-mark question for lark (name subject to change) in particular so good job

I ended up taking these questions into a focus on assumed protection/responsibility moreso than the literality of 'picking up strays' but i hope it's interesting insight all the same

15. Are they the type to adopt strays (animals or people?) What or who have they “adopted” over the years?

Lark: Yes, absolutely. She has a deep affection for anyone in need and, after losing her birth family (including a younger sister), invests herself deeply and without reservation into the concept of The Found Family. She feels confident in her work settings and therefore 'picks up strays' by making a point of befriending people who feel less confident in it; when Jasper, Mari, and Quartz are new to the town she's been occupying for a few years, she's quick to sweep them all under what she thinks of as 'her protection' as well. She thinks of Quartz as 'it's my job to protect you' in particular, in a way that Quartz varies her feelings about: moments of 'this is kind of gay of her and I like it' are displaced by moments of 'doesn't she know I've been taking care of myself almost as long as she has?' And of course (with the caveat that I would not write this plotline of my own accord bc I don't know how to write young children, but am beholden to the much older version of this story written by much younger people), one of Lark's central arcs is appointing herself as the protector/adopted sister/at times functional teen mom of a much younger girl named June (lol) who suffers a family tragedy much like her own, only to have that relationship snatched away after two years, against both their wills, by their absence of a legal relationship. It is a formative trauma for her and part of what sets the stage for Lark to loosen her trust in the Found Family and renew her dream of the perceived safety of a Legal Family.

And shorter responses for the others-

Mari - yes, with the caveat that she's a lot less quick and democratic with the 'I'm your mom/sister/guard dog now!' instinct than Lark is. Still, the two share an overarching motivation to Protect.

Quartz - not as much, she tends to gravitate to people as objects of profound friendship/admiration/friendship-as-desire-as-envy than the Authority that she imbues protection with. If Mari and Lark grew up seeing parenthood or guardianship as a space of safety and protection, Quartz and Jasper grew into the notion of Parents As Deeply Flawed People much earlier. As such, Quartz is much less drawn to the idea of parenthood, whether it's picking-up-strays found family parenthood or actual parenthood, than Lark. Lark's assumption of responsibility for June scares Quartz a lot because she cannot imagine feeling that kind of responsibility. It is one of the major divides between them, one that sometimes feels unbreachable. In adulthood, she grows more comfortable with 'picking up strays' but in the context of academic mentorship and the dream of making university education more equitable. Oops i made this too long <3

Jasper - he is deeply protective of people, the 'keeps trying to die for you' to Mari's 'keeps trying to kill for you', but he feels the same reservations as Quartz regarding assumption of responsibility for a person, their life, or their happiness. Unlike her, he overcomes these reservations enough to have a child in adulthood

Leander - 100% secret horseboy with a deep affection for animals, also definitely someone who feels a little awkward around children/younger people. Combines Quartz and Jasper's concern about responsibility with being extroverted and people-motivated enough that he ranks closer to Lark and Mari on the 'picking up strays' scale. Grows into being more confident with responsibility than he maybe should, though that confidence is very much a deliberate survival strategy

[peachpitss]

Howdy! I'm a long time fan of your undertale fics with Frisk and Chara and I think about the dynamic you write them with practically on a weekly basis! There is just something so SO satisfying about reading a narration where the narrator doesn't have much agency in their own story (but they do, but they don't, but they DO) and the way you play with both first person and second person perspectives is LOVELY! Just wanted to let you know <33333

starting this ask with "howdy!" made me laugh, thank you so much. (': howdy!!! this message is so SO sweet and i really appreciate it! it honestly made me smile and i hope it's okay that i'm answering it publicly. i'd like to be able to tag it and save it because it made my day! "a narration where the narrator doesn't have much agency in their own story (but they do, but they don't, but they DO)" you get it!! hahaha i've always been intrigued by the narrator!chara theory, and really love people utilizing them in fan works as a POV character. it doesn't hurt that i'm a sucker for haunted narratives and ghosts and have always loved writing that's very character-oriented. so i've been itching to try my hands at the "first person POV in disguise as second person" thing in UT fics for yeeeears. i'm so glad i finally took the plunge and carved out time to do it, because it's been a lot of fun. in the stories, chara is stuck somewhere in a gray space between observer and participant. and they themself are more concerned about the ethics and implications of their participation and what that means for frisk/their family than frisk is. (which in itself says so much about how chara and frisk view themselves and each other.) there are just so many messy, complicated bits to these kids. and the sandbox you get to play in while sort of constructing chara through inferences is a lot of fun. canon definitely gives a jumping off point for chara, but a LOT of them is left to the imagination. i love seeing people's differing interpretations while constantly renewing my own. anyways!! all of this to say, i really appreciate you taking the time to read all of that! i've published a LOT and am always happy to hear someone found something to enjoy in there. it's so sweet of you to drop me a line, and i hope you have a lovely rest of your week. <3

[violetswritingg]

Canary Cry

Robin/Nightwing (Dick Grayson) x OFC!

Description: Her violence was silent. Until it wasn't.

"I'm fine."

"Fine is just another word for drowning."

Rating T-M (mentions of blood, child abuse, mental health, cannon situations of violence and the like. Loss of parents, hard of hearing/deaf character, poorly written fight scenes lol)

Want to read the other chapters?

Click here

18

Leading the way with renewed confidence in his stride Kaldur walked through a thick line of trees, coming across a clearing. Captain Marvel landing beside the Atlantean and Kate, prints in the soft dirt and shell casing littering the forest floor by their feet. The larger man crouching down to inspect the prints further.

"Guess this is where Mayor Hill's monkey business went down," Captain Marvel stood, looking to Aqualad and Kate, "So, at least we've confirmed his story right?" Aqualad seemed to not hear him, taking steps forward, "Aqualad?" Captain Marvel asked, concern pulling his voice up.

"My apologies Captain, I am... plagued by doubts," Aqualad glanced at the raised eyebrow he could feel from Kate, "But I am working through them, with help from a friend." The older male grinned softly at the girl and she returned it. A peace settling in the space between while Captain Marvel's eyes bounced back and forth between them not understanding.

"Um..."

The captain's next set of questions were cut off by a rustle in the bushes off to their left, the sound of bird's wings flapping filling the quiet air.

"Does anyone else hear that?" Kate questioned in a whisper, head on swivel.

"Hear what?" Captain Marvel asked in response, painfully oblivious.

"Exactly." Aqualad breathed.

Kate could feel the ground begin to rumble rhythmically below her feet, a second later the pounding could be heard and with every step it got more severe. The rocks on the ground bouncing with the intensity.

It was only when the pounding was all they could hear that a loud trumpet sound and the largest elephant Kate had ever seen broke through the tree line and rushed at them.

Captain Marvel was the first to react, pushing off the ground and flying at the elephant, knocking it back. Its large feet dragging cavernous marks in the soft ground. The elephant used its trunk to grab the hero and swing him around. Throwing him into a tree.

"Oh shit." Kate cursed when she felt more vibrations coming from a different direction. Aqualad's head whipped in her direction before he turned to see another elephant, larger than the other break through the tree line behind them.

Aqualad was frozen as the original elephant started to rush at them, Kate grabbing him and pulling him to the side. Both falling to the ground. The two barely missed being stepped on like a pair of ants.

"Get behind me!" Kate screeched, pulling the boy back onto his feet before digging her feet in and screaming at the original elephant. The beast being knocked back, trumpeting loudly in protest and rage. It came at her, Aqualad using one of her water barrers to grab her around the waist and move her out of the way. Leaping up and catching her, trying to get out of range but being unsuccessful.

The original elephant lashing out with its trunk and landing a hit on Aqualad's back. The boy letting out a yell as he and Kate tumbled to the ground. Kate turned midair to not land on her head. That's the last thing she needed to do. The girl rolled onto her stomach, eyes meeting fangs dripping in drool and bright red eyes.

"Good kitty." She breathed before slowly backing up, feeling the ground shaking below her, the waves coming from behind her. She knew it was the elephant but didn't risk breaking eye contact with the large cat in front of her.

Kate saw Captain Marvel's cape out of the corner of her eye taking care of the original elephant. The girl taking the hand up offered to her by Aqualad, standing back-to-back. Kate still facing the tiger. Aqualad watching as Captain Marvel gets hit away by the second elephant's trunk.

"Any ideas Aqualad?!" Kate asked over her shoulder. Hands coming up in front of her, her boots digging into the ground.

"Yes!" He answered. Kate feeling his heat against her back recede as he sprinted at the second elephant.

"Aqualad!" Kate turned her back to the tiger in panic. Watching as the older boy activated his water weapons and leaped. Slashing upward and breaking something around the elephant's neck, yanking it off and throwing it to the side.

And just like that the second elephant suddenly couldn't care less about them, walking away with a much tamer trumpet sound.

Kate's inattention to the animal behind her was a mistake she didn't clock till the second she felt a weight spring onto her back.

"Remove the collar!" Kate heard Aqualad yell.

She let out a scream at the ground. Sending both her and the tiger into the air. Turning mid-air Kate saw the collar Aqualad was talking about. Reaching for it and screaming at it. Both her and the tiger landed back on the ground. The large cat landing on its feet and running off, Kate not so much.

"Finch! Are you hurt?" Aqualad was helping her up in an instant, the two team members watching the elephants walk away calmly as Captain Marvel joined them.

"Yeah, tis' but a scratch." Kate huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Pretty sweet the way you figure out the problem was the collars." Captain Marvel praised in awe. Like a kid seeing some kind of cool magic trick for the first time.

"Not pretty sweet actually." Kate grumbled, puffing at a piece of hair that had fallen into her face.

"The collars indicated an intelligence behind this attack. The rest of the team may also be at risk." Aqualad confirmed what was going on through Kate's head. He attempted to try the comms but was only met with harsh static. "Ugh, comms are jammed. And Miss Martian failed to establish a telepathic link before we split up."

"Actually," Captain Marvel cut in, "You let everyone split up before communications were set."

Kate's eyebrows shot up as she bit the inside of her cheek, avoiding Kaldur's look of shock, kicking at the ground. Not verbally agreeing but making her stance known.

"They would not listen!"

"I guess," Captain Marvel shrugged, hands in fists on his hips. "But back at the cave Batman stopped everyone from arguing with one word."

"Because Batman is... Batman!" Aqualad fought, sounding more like a kid that Kate had ever heard before. It was kind of funny.

"Hey, you don't have to tell me. When I first joined the League all he did was boss me around. And it's hard not to take it personally. But, I never disobeyed an order and that's probably what kept me alive." Captain Marvel spoke, voice going soft at the end as he turned to face Aqualad more.

"Batman takes command, he doesn't ask for it." Kate chimed in, shrugging with a small grin as she watched Kaldur's shoulders roll back, his chin tipping up in the way she was used to seeing.

"He has to...for the good of the League." Aqualad realized and Kate's grin brightened as he finally started to look like the old Kaldur again. "Thank you both for helping me understand," He directed at the red, white, and gold adorned man in front of him before turning to Kate, "and for your support."

Kate nodded before Kaldur's eyes glazed over for a second.

"Finally, maybe we can actually get this show on the road already." Kate cheered.

While Aqualad was talking to Miss M, Kate looked around at their surroundings. Captain Marvel doing the same. Both catching a glimpse of the tiger from earlier through the tall grass.

"I am not doing this again..." Kate grumbled, muscles tensed.

"Cool! A tiger! I'll be right back!"

"Captain no!" Kate called, trying to run after him but he flew too fast. Gone in the blink of an eye. Aqualad calling out a 'wait!' but not being heard before the hero was gone. The two younger members shared a look of exasperation and shrugged.

"Speed of Mercury."

~~*~~

It's always a fun time having what feels like a million other's voices in your head. Honestly it was Kate's favorite part of the job. Nothing could have prepared her for the cacophony of complaints and passive aggressive remarks she knew would be thrown.

"Should you really still be giving us orders? And should we really be following them?" Artemis's voice was the first one over the link, the first shot to be fired. Which tracked for her.

"Listen, please." Aqualad tried to stop the leak from becoming a tidal wave, but the damage had already been done.

"Oh good, Aqualad's voice in my head. I've so missed that." Wally was next and Kate just huffed, plopping down on a large rock next to her and cradling her head in her hands. Massaging her temples out of exasperation.

"Hey Kaldur, KF and I were attacked by giant vultures, course since we're moles you probably think we attacked ourselves."

"If he did, he wouldn't tell you." Kate rolled her eyes at Robin and Artemis.

"Superboy are you online or just pouting?"

"Busy. Call back later."

Yeah, Kate wasn't touching that with a ten-foot pole. Kaldur laid a hand on her shoulder to get her attention, motioning with his head in the direction Captain Marvel flew with a grim expression. Kate sighed heavily and stood. Following the older boy through the tall bushes and grass.

"What get's me is how nonchalant he is about not telling us"

"He should be chalant. Way Chalant. Extremely chalant."

"And also, how could you side with him Kate? So not cool."

Kate and Kaldur pushed through a larger bush, coming across three large pylons coming out of the ground and drag marks in the dirt.

"I'm not siding with anyone; everyone has a right to be upset but how you're acting right now is ridiculous." Kate huffed across the link. Kaldur glancing at her with an apologetic look on his face. Kate just shook her head.

"Not your fault that they're idiots."

"How can we be a team if he doesn't trust us with his secrets?"

"Or if Connor doesn't trust us to take care of ourselves?"

"I don't see you offering up your whole life on a platter Artemis, and can we leave the relationship issues out of the chat please? It's already cluttered as is." Kate argued over the link.

Kate tuned them all out as she met Kaldur's gaze, and sighing when he simply shook his head at her with a small, appreciative, grin. Taking the message and letting it go, crouching down with him to get a better look at the tracks within the drag marks.

The chatter kept on until Kaldur was done with it.

"Enough." Standing and ripping a pylon out of the ground with him, Kaldur had found his 'batman voice' Kate dubbed it in her head. Holding the obviously heavy thing like it was nothing he kept on, not letting anyone else get in a word edge wise. "Captain Marvel has been captured and we must act as a team to save him."

"Under your leadership? I don't think-" Wally's interruption was halted by the team leader.

"This is not up for debate. You all chose me to lead, when the mission is over, if you wish to select a new leader I will happily step down. But until that time, I am in command here." With that Kaldur threw down the pylon and started walking in the direction of the drag marks. Kate followed behind him with a smirk blooming on her lips.

"How'd that feel?"

"Goldfinch."

"What?!"

~~*~~

After rendezvousing with the other and following the tracks they split up into groups and started to creep up on the compound, the concrete building low to the ground and surrounded by more of the pylons Kate and Kaldur had seen earlier. Kate positioned with Kaldur among the bushes. Artemis, Robin, and Wally a little aways, with Miss M camouflaged in a tree.

"I'll fly over."

"Negatory, the field extends like a dome over the whole compound." Wally chimed in, Kate activated the scanners in her mask to get a better look and saw the same thing. Cursing quietly to herself.

"The pylons are insulated, but one good shock could cause a momentary gap." Robin added.

"I see a target." Artemis pulled back her bow, poised to shoot.

"Then be ready to hit it. Be ready all of you." Kaldur ordered. Kate shifted to be more on the balls of her feet as Kaldur ran forward, shocking the pylon in front of him. Creating the opening for Artemis who shot her arrow through the gap and hit her target at Kate's signal.

With the dome down the team converged at Kaldur's location, the howling of a lone monkey on the building's roof made the whole team jump. The alarm kicked on, blaring high pitched tones as what seemed like an endless stream of other monkeys poured over the roof top.

Kate grabbed her batons and started to defend against the stream alongside the rest of the team. Seeing the collars after slamming her boot into one and launching her baton at another. Hitting a third on its way back to her hand.

"Remove the collars!" Kaldur and her shouted at the same time. The two sharing a look before diving back into the thick of it. Purposely aiming for their collars with every strike of her baton or boot.

Seeing Wally get bounced off the Gorilla they were here for she dug her heels in and let out scream. Throwing the primate back inside the building, Kate ran over to Wally and M'gann with the rest of the team, quick visual inspections were had before they pushed their way inside the building.

Entering a Lab setting Kate and the others kept on their guard, seeing Captain Marvel strapped down to a medical table and –

"It's the brain!" Wally exclaimed.

"Uh I can see it's a brain." Artemis jabbed.

"Not the moment guys." Kate muttered under her breath, shoulders tense.

"Not a brain, the brain." Wally corrected after shooting Kate an annoyed look.

"In the flesh so to speak." The brain on wheels spoke, French accent coming through the speakers in its... habitat? Kate didn't know what to call it besides disturbing. "Mallah!"

The gorilla lifted a remote and pressed a button and before Kate could scream pylons were shooting up out of the ground and surrounding them. Turning on and rendering them incapacitated.

But they had a plan.

"Miss Martian, Superboy, now." Kaldur ordered and M'gann grabbed the remote for the pylons with her telekinesis and turned them off. Superboy breaking through the wall behind Mallah the gorilla and the brain, looking worse for wear and with a white enlarged wolf by his side.

"Okay braveheart." Kate muttered, getting back onto her feet again. Running at the gorilla with her batons, screaming at the ground to propel herself forward, flipping in the air and landing both of her heels into his shoulder just as Robin swung by and did the same with his other shoulder. Twisting mid-air as she fell back down, she threw a baton, aiming for the gorilla's head. Landing in a crouch before it came back to her.

Turning just in time to see Kaldur get hit with laser beams from the Brain, Kate sent another baton fly and got the thing's attention. Flipping out of the way of the beams it shot at her while Kaldur slashed at it with his water bearers and corralled it with Mallah the gorilla, Kate and the others circling them while Kaldur went to free Captain Marvel who in turn freed the tiger he chased after and had attacked Kate earlier.

Mallah roared to try and intimidate them, his apeish eyes darting across the ring of young heroes.

"Try it. I hate monkey's." Superboy cracked his knuckles with a menacing look. The intelligent Gorilla looked like he was about to rush the teen heroes again when The brain spoke up.

"No Mallah, this will not be our waterloo." The brain's body (?), started to unfold and expand. Leaving the group of heroes in shock and on their toes as threatening arms grew out the sides and above his lid, "Au revoir, mes amis."

"Get down!" Wally yelled, Kate falling in closer to her teammates eyes on alert as she controlled her breathing. Artemis doing the same, bow drawn, boxing the young blonde in between her taller frame and Robin. Kate was prepared for the worst when everything went dark. It was a tense moment where all that could be heard was breathing and the shifting of feet.

When supplemental light came back up in the space and The brain and Mallah were gone Kate cursed. Her body relaxing from its tense state, the others doing the same as it settled over them what just happened.

"Wait, that big weapon thing..." Wally trailed off, standing to his full height, no longer ready to run at a moment's notice, "... Was a light switch?"

~~*~~

Kate stood with Kaldur, Robin, Captain Marvel and the tiger from before, keeping her distance from the animal as the last of the collars were broken. After the Captain made the animal more or less promise to maintain the peace and look after the other animals on the island Kate had hoped that was that and they could go home. No more monkey business for them.

But then the tiger prowled over to her, Kate holding out her hands as she started to back up, stumbling back onto the Bioship's lowered bridge.

"O-okay, close enough- good kitty- oh sh-" Kate fell, the tiger taking the opportunity to close the distance, lick her face, and then run away. Kate's face twisted into something between disgust and humor.

"Awww, he likes you! I think I'll call him Mr. Tawny." Captain Marvel cooed before coming to his decision on the tiger's new name. How the tiger – Mr. Tawny – would feel about that is another matter.

"I gotta know," Robin started, helping Kate up as he stepped onto the Bioship's entrance. Kaldur stepping on as well but being held up by Robin. Kate begrudgingly took Robin's offered hand, wiping at the tiger saliva on her face. Fighting off the urge to gag as she did so. "Why did you keep the mole intel a secret, and did you know?" Robin asked, both Kaldur and Kate.

The rest of the team joined them at the bottom of the ramp, Kate looking over the group much like Kaldur did.

"The source of the tip was Sportsmaster." Kaldur dropped the bomb and Kate tensed up as soon as Artemis reacted.

"What? You can't trust him!"

"I do not. It seemed possible, even likely that he was attempting to divide the team with false information." Kaldur answered, finally having the truth out in the open.

"I found out when you guys did." Kate shrugged in answer to the part of the question directed at her.

"Okay," Robin nodded, masked eyes meeting, his hand squeezing hers. Kate only realizing them that they were still connected and pulling away. Clearing her throat and crossing her arms over her stomach. "Given how this mission went, he nearly succeeded." Robin turned to Kaldur once again, swallowing thickly before continuing, "But you had to consider it might be true."

"Yes. As leader, I did. In which case I did not wish to alert the traitor."

"I hate to say it... But, makes sense." Robin sighed, a smirk pulling at his lips at the air cleared. Kaldur did not feel the same sense of relief, his spine straighter than a metal pole, shoulders set in a straight line. His face controlled and not giving away his nerves, but they were there.

"I am still prepared to step down." Kaldur put forward, willing to do what the team wanted.

Kate looked to the rest of the team, sharing a grin with Wally as the red head cleared his throat, "All in favor of keeping Aqualad as leader?"

Kate raised her hand right after with the rest of the team. An easy smile on her face as Aqualad nodded, accepting the continued burden. With that Captain Marvel flew off, to Kaldur's dismay. Kate heading inside the Bioship, laughing at Wally's critique of Conner's name for his new pet wolf. Wolf.

"Okay Wallace." Kate scoffed, the red head complaining, acting as if she had mortally wounded him. The others joining in, laughter filling the space as they flew home.

Just as it was supposed to be.

~~*~~

[sincelastsession]

I have been unable to sleep and then I finally did pass out today I'm from lack of sleep and Woke up I was very anxious And nauseated and I don't know if the 2 are synonymous or if I'm sick I don't think I'm sick though unless I eat something bad. Anyway I feel awful right now like just mentally like not a harm to myself or others but just Pretty fucking mean brain time.

And I have been trying very hard to ignore that because it's very intrusive and I have absolutely no desire to go that direction that my brain is just slamming me with

So yeah I've just been an anxious mess with a stomach that's fucked up and I am crying like a baby and I don't even really know why like I was not in a bad mood I don't know if I just had a regular no trigger panic and anxiety attack but I did take my meds and I do feel calmer but I'm still weepy and I don't like this

So the neighbors that have been torturing me have let new neighbors know about me and my neighbor who went up to the front office and raised hell because they weren't listening to me and they needed someone else to go up there to prove it for some fucking dumb reason

I've gotten my security camera it won't be installed till the weekend unless I can find somebody to come out tomorrow evening

Since the people in apartment 60 are going to have the at least not renewed That means that I won't have to deal with them for a super long time or at least my neighbor won't

My parents have told me that I will be moving in September I don't know if I should believe them I am very exhausted from all these stupid events that don't even have to do with me but I was roped into and then unroped myself because hell no

Like I just I don't have the mental capacity and I don't feel good like I'm dealing with chronic pain and all sorts of other health issues right now and I don't fucking want to deal with someone who is not my child unless they reach out to me and ask for help because I cannot talk sense into my sister who is drunk or high most of the time and you and I both know that people in addiction have to choose to get better

And I am kind of sad for her but also very disgusted and pissed off at her for many reasons I'm not going to shame her for having any sort of addiction but I don't like that she has that issue right now and it worries me because her aunt her biological aunt died recently from alcoholism and a medical condition that caused her to die early from the drinking and Piper has not been tested for that genetic disorder or whatever So I am very concerned especially since she's 22 and parties a lot and I know when I was younger I did drink and then I got older and I was like You know this isn't my j how many more and I don't like hangovers anymore and I just quit because I don't really have that addiction Genetics thing that many people do struggle with and I'm sure that if I drank every day I could become addicted but I don't ever have like cravings for drugs or alcohol

Actually that's a lie sometimes I want a beer like I'll just crave the flavor of a beer even though usually I think they're pretty fucking gross but I assume that you understand what I mean by that

I'm not sure what to do and therapy tomorrow I am exhausted though and I wanted to work on things but I don't know if I am capable right now

I'm also really concerned because apartment 60 was sent a letter today about the fact that they won't be allowed to renew their lease

So I don't know if they're going to retaliate but they have told the new neighbors all about me because for some reason even though I've told the office that I can literally hear these people talking about me from every room in my apartment the people in apartment 60 have not been made aware that I can hear Everything they're saying so I'm a little worried about what's going to happen when I put my security camera up

I'm allowed to have it and it has cloud storage and capability of more than 1 person to have an account and look through the camera if need be and I was going to talk with a courtesy officer and see if it was capable of allowing him to access it for emergency reasons or to just check and see if it really is as bad as it is when I call for noise complaint before he walks out here and then tells me that nobody's being allowed because they see him and they usually scatter

And I'm not even anxious about any of this other than the fact that I am terrified apartment 60 is going to retaliate against me when it was my neighbor who raised hell and went to the front office finally because she was sick of it she knew I was dealing with it for a while but she's been dealing with her breast cancer and she just finally had enough.

So I found that out earlier today I was thinking that we were going to have to speak to mister Lewis who owns the property or did own the property or manages the entire patrician management properties something like that.

My parents have been really aggressive and cruel to me lately for really no reason because I've asked them like hey why are you mad at me did I do something wrong and they just get really pissed off and hang up on me or says that they have to go and hang up and I don't know what's going on

I know it's possible that it's not like personal but I really don't like that they're being cruel and I have calmly asked them you know can you stop being mean to me I didn't do anything to you why are You talkin' to me like that I don't deserve that and they will say something like really mean and nonsensical and just hang the phone up and I am left very confused and I did not blow their phones up with text messages today I did not have that compulsion today

And I did try to talk to my dad and he got mad about me repeating myself once or twice and he was like you need to fucking quit doing that and I'm like I can't really help it and he has a tantrum about it and I don't exist to please him or anybody else and this hurts my feelings so much because it's part of who I am currently and yes it is obnoxious but it's not something that I am Controlling that I am aware that I can just suddenly stop because when I do try to suddenly stop or I do get told to shut up Sometimes the compulsion gets worse and it's not something that like unconsciously doing I have been made aware of it many many times for the past couple of years and it's gotten worse and I don't know what's causing that

Willing to work on that but I need people to quit being so fucking critical of me because other people do understand when I say it's my OCD and I do apologize When that is happening. It is really frustrating having to apologize about something that I really don't have a good control over

I don't really get to pick or choose when it happens

So even though people hate it and everything it's like hey guys you don't have to live with this it's embarrassing already and I'm aware of it but it's actually pretty physically painful to quit and I don't know how to explain that it's something you would have to experience yourself and people just won't take my word for it and think that I'm just trying to make excuses to repeat myself and I'm like why would I do that

So yeah

And yeah I am worried about the people in apartment 60 I don't know when they're lease is up but they will have to move then but hopefully I will move before they do so I don't have to deal with it but I do worry for my neighbor but I also know she's grown and can take care of herself like she did the other day

I wish I could just go on a vacation for 2 weeks

Just like do my therapy session on video chat or something and go somewhere 42 weeks but I can't afford to do that right now so I'm trying to have vacation at home and vacation at home is just you know not the same

I've been using this little heart monitor which I guess you will see tomorrow and it is driving me insane right now I don't see a red rash but it it's like hell and I'm trying not to touch it because last time I had to wear one of these and they went to remove it it ripped some of my skin off and there was a horrible rash underneath the entire times so I'm hoping that this won't damage me as bad. It has to stay on till the 30 and it looks fucking gross right now because it has fuzzy particles stuck around the edges that I can't get off unless I use it alcohol be and then that might make the sticky come off completely so I just have to deal with it.

My appointment with my primary care yesterday she took a lot of pictures of me for medical reasons because I am growing a fucking mustache now and also like a beard as if somebody has given me hormone treatments to change genders which I do not like for myself because that's not how I identify

But it did give me a flashback to when I was a child having medical studies and pictures taken of me

And I did not tell her and I did not react but since then it's been flashing back to that and even though nobody hurt me I was a small child in a government study and my parents did not come back with me when they took me to the photography studio in the hospital

And I did not tell her and I did not react but since then it's been flashing back to that and even though nobody hurt me I was a small child in a government study and my parents did not come back with me when they took me to the photography studio in the hospital I remember the people being nice but I also had to strip down to my underwear and they took pictures of my body because of the rash I had from my autoimmune disorder I had at was really uncomfortable when I was a kid and I didn't know that I could just tell them I did not want to do it and I was also a really shy kid and I went non verbal a lot and my parents just thought I was being shy and I could never explain it to them

So it's kind of like a weird trauma to have it's pretty unique one. But also when I remember that trauma from early childhood where I was actually abused pops up andI guess it's because both of those things involved pictures

And I do wonder if the pictures have something to do with why I don't want people to take like normal pictures of me and I only take head shots and I don't know if those things are connected and I don't know if we should explore that at some point but I figured I'd just mention it here so you might take note if you feel it's important for my treatment

Since me and my partner had an argument he's been pretty quiet I mean he did apologize for his bullshit properly and I'm not mad at he's been scarce

So me being a person who doesn't look at relationships like everybody else and I don't know how to explain that I don't know what's going on I don't know if people just have reflection period after these sort of things or what

I did talk to him briefly about 20 minutes ago just asking him if he was okay and he told me he was okay and that the movie long legs sucked andSuggested that I do not go see it even though I love Nicholas cage

And I sent him a couple little sweet messages but he didn't reply and I'm tired and I'm not gonna message him again to get a reply

I don't think that our relationship is in trouble currently I just don't know what to do when he's being super quiet andI always have this very irrational anxiety unrelated to the anxiety I'm having today thatThat people are angry at me or just don't want to deal with me or something like that. And I know that he may not want to talk to me and that's fine he does not have to I'm not holding a gun to his head to talk to me

But it sucks when people apeople are going through whatever and they don't really reply to you and you just feel really fucking alone

I mean it's pretty obvious I have abandonment issues. It's pretty obvious that I have some codependency problems and I tried to keep it all in check and I tried to have time by myself but the thing is unby myself a lot and today I wanted to be by myself other than talking to him because I didn't think I would get stressed out by him or you know a few other choice people if they did happen to contact me but mostly today I wanted to be left alone because of all the chaos

And I find it really ridiculous that me wanting to be alone and then like feeling very lonely and it's just I don't know

Because I'm alone most of the time and if I'm not talking to people is that I'm not talking in general I'm just dead silent all day long and some days I have nice quiet alone days where I just can relax but it's been so long that I don't even remember how to try and relax and when I say relax I don't mean fully relaxed because I don't even think I'm capable of fully relaxing unless I'm under anesthesia

Like I feel like I could be given a fucking horse tranquilizer and I would still be awake

I mean before my Doctor diagnosed me with a heart condition that says that I cannot have Various sedatives and sleep medications Especially meds like trazodone. Because I remember taking that medicine and my brain and body would fight it for a while much longer than most people last and I would hallucinate black & white. And I think it's really weird because the only other times I have had any sort of visual hallucinations medication-related they are always in black & white and that is just weird and I haven't asked my neurologist about that but I'm not sure he would even have an answer.

I think it might just be one of those really weird things.

I wish I could take ambien because I had the best fucking sleep of my life when I took that I did have 2 ambient adventures but nothing that put me in horrible danger. Not purposeful just took my medicine and did not fall asleep like I was supposed to and decided to apparently make some art and then the other time was I went outside and thought I saw moondog creatures going through things in my mom's car and so my dad just found me in the side yard with my hands-on my hips staring at her car and I was in a good mood I remember it vaguely and then he just Brought me back inside and told me to go to bed and I was like okay and went to bed and I continued taking the medicine and it really did help me to sleep but when my heart condition popped upThe Doctor told me I could no longer take it and I'm mad about it.

I have had insomnia and I think it's genetic because I believe my dad's mother also had a lot of trouble sleeping and getting rest and such and I do share quite a few traits with her

My father also has some sleep issues and I'm not sure about my mom I think she just works too much and spins too much money which is why she works extra hours but I can't do anything about her shopping addiction

I am grateful that she bought the security camera for me even though I didn't ask her to

I'm not going to ask her to pay me back the money that she owes me because of that

You know I never really want any arguments or drama with people but when they poke at me so much it does rile me app and it's very hard for me to get back to being calm because other people seem to be able to easily just get Uber it and go back to how they were before and I don't know why I have trouble with that it seems like my emotions have to catch up to my logic and that takes a lot Longer than I would like but I haven't found any sort of way even with cognitive behavior therapy techniques to really make it shorten

So basically I just have to wait while I'm sitting there kind of beating myself up because it's just like logically I know what's going on but emotionally it's like a Big stupid battle

And yeah I do want to do the disassociative testing because sometimes I do wonder if I am split in some sort of way that doesn't have to do with a personality disorder I think maybe my PTSD is causing something to happen or just you know years of abuse and trauma have done something to my brain well it's sort of obvious that I already have something going on but I would like to explore what it is and how to deal with that or work on you know staying In touch with reality more than I already am

And it's funny because I had a friend of mine talked to me a couple of days ago and she was like if I had to deal with as much as you did I would be delusional as hell on purpose and I was just like that sounds great but In practice I don't think it would be practical to do or healthy

I'm also trying to figure out a way to be brave and learn to skirt the rules for SSI without getting into trouble so I can make money because I feel it in my bones that my dad is getting worse and my mom is also getting worse and I can't really do anything about my sister and it's sort of like I feel like It's crunch time like I only have so much time before the clock runs out

I feel like this a lot. I get in a panic because I feel like I'm going to run out of time and then I'm fucked

And then I asked my dad and mom like I had a fucking meltdown because they kept giving me so many different times and months and days that I would be moving and nobody could give me just a general answer that for sure I would be at least looking at placesBecause I'm tired of having my hopes gotten up and then dashed

So finally my dad told me again that September is the month and so I'm trying to get my brain which is also me which is a mind fog but I'm trying to get my brain to understand that I'm going to have to wait till then and hopefully it wasn't bullshit because I don't want to deal with getting my hopes up again

I need to move regardless of psychological issues because I have physical issues that are causing me problems right now and I probably should be using my Walker but I fucking hate using it and bringing it with me places and sometimes I break down and do and I don't know if I'll have it with me tomorrow or not

I mean I don't think that you mind or anything just thinking about it out loud.

There are some articles about how some people with AD HD just process out loud and it also has to do with autism and then O CD comes in to play and so I Know that we can't just stick that Problem to one diagnosis but it is like you're symptomatic of those diagnosis and I did tell my dad when he was bitching at me that I Don't Know if it's like neurological Damage or if it's something that can be fixed or helped much More than I'm already trying And my trying is pretty much failing every time I try and it sucks and I get very mad at myself but I don't Feel like anything is clicking in my brain when I tried to stop myself on certain things

Like I don't know how to describe the click in the brain thing

Like it just kind of feels like I'm trying to do it but the request for the action is not being met with an OK we're gonna stop no matter how hard I'm trying to stop so it feels like I guess like the brain sends a signal to itself and says hey we need to stop doing this thing and then my brain just says nope I don't think so and continues to do it and I don't know how to fix that shit

And if I do have some sort of neurological damage you know they have not found it on ACT scan or AMRI

But I know that there's another type of brain scan which my insurance probably does not cover that shows when certain regions of the brain light up and when they don't and it's not an MRI even though Mr i's do have some capability like that

And I can't think of the name of the type of imaging and it's the kind that they use to look at schizophrenia and study other mental disorders and there's clinics that do it but I can't for the life of me think of the name

I feel like if I just had better health care access I wouldn't have so many issues in general

Like a lot of things will give me relief to know when in Spring I should be seeing my genetic assistant again because she has a very long appointment Wait list

And honestly I did get some sleep but I just feel like something is just draining my energy completely and I've been feeling like that for about a month and it's probably stress I mean that's the most obvious answer but I have been feeling just physically not great and it is exhausting to deal with chronic pain and crazy family and then other medical issues And I wish I could just get a break from it but that's not how it works

The situational depression that I am feeling is kind of just wavering if that's a way to describe it

I mean it's there it's more just annoying than anything and I don't really feel like super nasty but it just feels like a heavy cloud hanging on me and I'm trying to ignore it because it's just obnoxious

Like I don't like having sad bitch disorder

I would rather I've an episode of Mania where I just clean my apartment and talkward faster and act really super happy but it's been like years since that has occurred

I understand that manic episodes are pretty nasty for most people who suffer from like bipolar and other conditions but the Mania that I get once in a Blue Moon is just like I actually feel happy and I can do a whole bunch of stuff and I clean like a crazy person and there's no executive dysfunction and I feel like I'm powerful and shit and then it's gone in like a week at most

And then I just kind of go back to neutral normal

And you know I have my low moments but I don't really have like the nasty depression all the time

Even if I did I don't think that there's a medication out there currently that I have not tried that did not give me some sort of issue and the main ones that they give people that generally work really well for most of the population actually make me feel worse and that is fucked up and not fair

Because I mean who wants to have more interesting thoughts and feel more suicidal type feelings when they're just trying to feel better you know that's what happened after taking prozac for so long and I do worry that because it took prozac for so long and it's probably you know it probably was never a normal depression it was probably the dysthymia I was diagnosed as having when I was 14-15.

And I thank them treating me for regular depression and not short-term and just making me take prozac for many years without a break probably fucked my brain app and then the brakes that I did have I was on another medication that did not work obviously and I really don't know what happened last time I was in a facility but when I figured out that it was the prozac causing the problems and I took myself off of it All of that shit went away and it was pretty fucking bad so what I'm experiencing right now is not Is anywhere near that feeling.

Right now I just feel like a weepy baby and that's about it and I'm sad but I can logic it and I am feeling my feelings so there's really not much else I can do other than just raw dog this crap

I haven't smoked much recently either I did the other day for my pain but it wasn't really helping the pain as much as I would have liked it too so the Doctor gave me a non steroidal anti-inflammatory injection that is leaving my system right now but she gave it to me because I was all swollen on my hip

And I see my rheumatologist on the 29th so hopefully they can tell me what's going on or get me into physical therapy where they can fix the problem because it might just be due to my hypermobility

Also I know I've probably mentioned this before but I am wondering how much do auto immune disorders cause inflammation in the body and caused psychological issues from the inflammation

Because over the years I have read that people with auto immune disorders often experience emotional changes and mood changes and depression and such because there's inflammation of the brain as well and the tissues or you know things like that

I'm not super well versed on that topic because it wasn't mega interesting to me because I didn't feel like my last Rheumatologist before my new one would really understand or be able to answer the question I don't think that they were trained very well

But I wonder if I'm having any sort of flare up inflammation if that could be causing the brain problems or part of the problem I don't know if there's any way to remedy that but just a thought as to why I'm might be having some extra issues

I really loved my partner but I really miss my ex and neither of them are probably good enough for me but I still love them both

Like I desperately miss my ex-boyfriend but since he got sober he isn't speaking to me or coming around if I see him in public he's a sweetheart but he's not really seeking me out to spend time with me even though he said that I was his best female friend you know and it hurts I mean today I sent him a message to just ask him how he was doing and he just ignored me And I don't know if I should continue to put any energy towards that at all but I don't want to lose him

I feel like I'm losing him and I don't want to lose him and I know we're not dating but I mean like even as a friend

And I haven't told him what's been going on in my life because people don't want to know apparently

You know I'm supposed to just be like oh living the dream and everybody's like yeah me too and then nobody talks about anything and I think that that's like something that's fundamentally fucked up about society is that people just lie to each other and people just talk and stupid little riddles all the time and for me I just don't understand why they just don't directly say what they want to say

I mean I get it I'm not like them but I also know lots of other people that aren't like them either that are pretty direct but I just don't understand why other people have such a problem and why it's such a social taboo to just directly say something to somebody and they get all upset even though there's nothing to be upset about and I don't know if that's just like the United States that has a big issue with that

I've read that in other countries it's not that big of a deal to just directly speak to people and I've thought about if I could afford to just expand the Netherlands because apparently they're very direct people and that sounds like my jam but I don't actually really want to move just to be understood and accepted

But I've also read other really interesting things while I'm like going on my little special interest deep dives that people in other countries also don't experience various diagnosis the same

For instance lake in our country people with schizophrenia tend to have more negative experiences and in some regions and countries they have more positive experiences and often those people are looked at as shawman's and things like that like prophetic almost in certain cultures and I find that to be pretty fascinating and I wonder about Lake cultures before they developed like mental illness treatment what did they do back in early civilization did they just kill people did they just lock them away I mean I know that those were practices

But like were there any positive practices that were done when people had issues where they just seen as people with gifts

Anyway I can't remember the rest of what I was going to mention here and I'm tired so I guess I'll just talk to you tomorrow I don't know if you'll read this before I see you.

I mean hopefully you get a second to do so.

I know that my other journal entries probably are concerning but I don't want anybody to worry too much because like I've told you it's just kind of like brain vomit but I figured you could glean something from me when I'm just journaling.

[slimeywooper]

Labmas AU - Unintended Consequences

Chapter 17 Part 1 - Retribution/Renewal

When you wake up in the morning, you already have a goal in mind: make it through the day so you can find Nobori and speak with him. You had already decided yesterday to ask him how Kudari was doing and what exactly he and Colress were talking about that upset him enough to teleport. As for Colress, hopefully he will be over his weird mood. The unnerving way he looked at you, coupled with the fact he wasn't being belligerent, set off alarm bells. It's already Thursday, If you're as inoffensive as possible to him, perhaps he will let you see Kudari tomorrow, so you won't have to wait the whole weekend to be able to apologize.

Quickly preparing, you head to the lower floor. Deciding against breakfast, you walk straight to the elevator, riding it down and disembarking when the doors open. Marcello is once more guarding the lab entrance. He gives you a strained smile as you pass by. Continuing inside, you expect to see Colress when you walk through the door, but he isn't there. Maybe you'll find him by his office again. Walking to the end of the hall, you board the elevator and descend further.

Getting off at the second lab floor, you follow the same path as yesterday to reach his office. Upon arriving, you knock lightly, announcing your presence, "Sorry to bother you, but I've come for my shift. Is there anywhere in particular you need me?" There's no answer, nor do you hear any noise from the other side. Shrugging, you return to the elevator and head to the bottom floor. Nobori will probably know where he is. On top of that, you can ask the questions you were saving for after work. Walking to his room, you stop just outside. Lifting your hand to knock, the door opens before you make contact with it.

"(Y/N)," Nobori greets you.

He is looking the worst you've ever seen him. Slouching more than usual, frown even lower, and eyes puffy. It appears he has been crying. "Are you okay?" you ask in a concerned tone.

"No, I'm afraid I'm not. There was… an incident last night." Nobori looks towards the floor before continuing, "Kudari is no longer with us. He has passed."

Taking a step back, you question him, "What do you mean? I just saw him a couple days ago. What happened?"

"I can't divulge that just yet. I need more time to come to terms with it." Head lifting, he returns your gaze. "But, he's here with me now, in spirit. Please, come in. I would rather not discuss private matters where others may overhear." He moves to the side, letting you pass.

Entering his room, he closes the door and you walk further inside, turning to face him when you near his bed. "I don't understand. How can he be dead? I was just with him."

"As I said, I'm not ready…" voice wavering, he pauses momentarily to collect himself. "Please give me time."

It doesn't feel real. How can something like this happen so suddenly? But if Nobori isn't able to reveal what happened, hopefully he can answer the question that immediately begins to stain your soul, "Then… can you at least tell me… it wasn't because of me, was it? He didn't hurt himself…"

Quickly shaking his head, he assures you, "No, it wasn't anything you did. You shouldn't think such a thing. Kudari was sad, but he's always been able to pick himself up from his depression. This was something… entirely different. When I am emotionally capable, I will tell you exactly how it transpired."

This wasn't supposed to happen. You were under the impression you would have around twenty more years of Kudari's antics, of his friendship. Though he may have been confined to his room, there was still the ability to see him, and speak with him. "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say, or how to feel. It's as if I've been run over."

"That's perfectly understandable. If not for the fact that I can still interact with him, I wouldn't have accepted someone telling me he was dead." Nobori swallows before commenting, "He's always with me now. Even when I want to be alone, I can't bring myself to block him out like I do all the other spirits." Getting a distant look on his face, he mutters, "Kudari's been telling me things. I find the more he says, the more I can't bear. There was so much I did not know, or realize, was happening. All having to do with how Dr. Colress treated him. If only I had known, perhaps I could have…" Looking down again, he adds, "I suppose it doesn't matter anymore. Sorry to burden you with my pain. I know you are feeling enough of your own."

"Please don't apologize. What you feel isn't a burden, and I would never think it was," you chastise him as gently as possible. It's true, your heart is breaking, but Nobori has lost his brother. What he's experiencing must be tenfold to what you are. "You can tell me as much or as little as you want. I'm here for you." Taking a few steps to reach his bed, you sit, motioning for him to join you.

Nobori follows, sitting by your side. "Thank you. Your friendship is… more than I deserve. Would it bother you terribly if I were to ramble for a bit? Only to get some thoughts out of my head."

"Not at all." You don't mind being his shoulder to cry on, and hopefully you can keep it together long enough to give him some reprieve from the awful emotions seeping through him.

Gathering his thoughts, he begins, "I truly believe that had Dr. Colress only attempted to create one hybrid, it would not have been a successful experiment. There was something about the two of us being together… maybe it's because we are the clones of twins… We could only have been given life in conjunction with the other. But now… I've lost my smile." His voice cracks slightly, but he retains his composure. "For much of his life, he was angry. But I think his loneliness eclipsed that. Though we both had each other, we were also alone. He was the only Galvantula hybrid, and I was the only Chandelure hybrid. There were certain aspects about each other we could never truly understand, though I have a better idea now." Shaking his head, he adds, "Whenever I would return from a mission, he would ask if I got to see anywhere new. I realize now just how envious he was of my freedom, but he was still so excited to hear stories about the outside. Even after everything I had done… We weren't as close in our adult lives as we were as children, but he was still my brother, and I loved him dearly. He was my reason for being." Looking over to you, he says, "You came to see me, and I have surely ruined your day with this news. What is it you wanted?"

The question isn't accusatory, but curious. You reply, "I actually came down here looking for Colress. He wasn't waiting for me like he usually is, and I figured if anyone knew his location it would be you."

Nobori nods in understanding. "Dr. Colress is currently indisposed due to Kudari's passing. All of his work has been halted for the day. You should head back to your dorm."

"That's for the best. I don't think I can put up with him right now." The less you have to deal with today, the better. Placing a hand on his arm, you ask, "Do you think you can let me in Kudari's room again sometime? So I can be around what made him happy?"

He reaches for your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I can show you his room, yes, but I'm afraid all of his things have been disposed of already. Just his bed was harvested, most likely to study the silk."

For a second time, the wind is knocked out of you. Colress threw Kudari's stuff away, right after he died? Does this man love nothing? Not even the child he helped raise? "Oh… that's terrible…" is the half-hearted reply you manage. Screaming and throwing things is what you really feel like doing.

"Don't fret, I have something of his." Releasing your hand and reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a wrapped handkerchief. "He wants me to give you this," Nobori places it softly in your open hands, and you gently unwrap the fabric to reveal a name badge for Kudari. It bore a younger picture of him, before he became so angry and was locked in his room semi-permanently. "He says he never meant to frighten you and that he only wants you to remember him positively. Kudari really, truly loved you, albeit in his own way. I beseech you to keep this card hidden. It was retrieved from Dr. Colress' desk. I'm sure he would be furious if he found out I took it, but I can't deny this request from Kudari."

You hesitate, debating if it is proper to accept it. "Are you sure? I can't take this if you don't have anything…"

"Please, he desires that I to give it to you. Besides, I can see him anytime," he smiles at you, attempting to ease your doubts.

"Thank you." Wrapping the card up again and placing it in your coat pocket, you say softly, "Can you tell him I'm sorry? It wasn't my intention to hurt him. We were both just so different, there were miscommunications…" You can't finish your sentence. This is too much to take. Tears begin to spill down your cheeks. Lunging for Nobori, you wrap your arms around him impossibly tight and begin sobbing uncontrollably.

Returning the gesture, he rests his face on the top of your head. "I don't need to tell him. He heard you, and he's sorry to make you feel so bad. Though he also admits it's nice knowing someone cared for him enough to feel such sadness at his death."

Of course you feel sad. Anyone that wasn't a monster would have loved Kudari after getting to know him. If only you had told him just how much you cared. Even if he took it the wrong way, at least he would have known that someone other than Nobori loved him while he was alive.

After a few minutes of consoling you, Nobori pushes you back slightly. Looking at your face, he says, "(Y/N), do you need my help returning to your room? I don't mean to kick you out, but I need some more time alone with Kudari. He never seems to stop talking, and I'm compelled to listen to him. I don't want you to feel I'm ignoring you, on top of my mood shifts from when he tells me upsetting things."

Quickly regaining your composure, you respond, "No, I'll be fine. And it's alright, I'm not bothered. Please, if you need to see me, come to my room at any time. I'll let you two talk now." You stand up, walking to the door with Nobori behind you.

"Sorry again, for ruining your day," he laments, opening the door for you.

"It wasn't your fault," you comment, slowly shaking your head.

There's a flash of grief on his face before he says, "Thank you for speaking with me. Try to think of all the positive times spent with Kudari. I'm sure I will see you sometime tomorrow."

After stepping out, the door is closed, and you are left to make the journey back. Nobori didn't have to tell you to return to your dorm. It would have been an automatic response after finding out such terrible news. Your poor, sweet friend. There's so many things he wanted to do. If you had agreed to escape with him, would he still be alive now? Would you both have been able to run away and live on your own? Colress never would have let you go willingly, sending people to find the two of you. But Kudari would have defended you to the death. Was there no way around this outcome? Is it fate that took him away, and would have taken him in other instances?

Before you know it, you're already entering your room, having been in a trance along the way, ignoring everyone and everything around you. All you want to do is sleep, so you don't experience these awful emotions. Sitting on the bed, you take off your shoes and glance over to the nightstand, eyes landing on an item that causes you to become unsettled. Seeing your Switch, you jump up and grab it, ripping the cables out and unplugging it. You wrap them around the console and place it in your dresser. Leaving it out would just be a constant reminder that Kudari is gone. Reaching into your pocket, you retrieve the handkerchief containing his name badge. After studying it one more time, you fold it back and place it under your pillow. Nobori told you to keep it hidden, not only was this likely the safest place, it would ensure a part of Kudari would be close to you.

Losing him has a somewhat similar feeling to losing your grandfather, but now you have an adult's perspective of death, and its permanence. Kudari had become your reason for working hard, because you wanted to help him gain some freedom. Now that he's gone, nothing really matters. Why are you still here? Maybe you can beg Colress to let you return to your world. You've certainly been fired from your old job for failure to show, and your home probably isn't up to date on the rent, unless Team Plasma was successful in their attempts at contacting the government, making some kind of deal with them to keep the portal accessible. Getting another job and a different place to live wouldn't be impossible.

But there's still one more person you care about here, and leaving would mean abandoning him at one of the hardest times of his life. Tomorrow, you endeavor to stay with Nobori for longer. It's not good to be alone too often after something like this happens, even if he's technically still able to be with Kudari in some way. He has the same life span as his brother, and you want to be with him as much as possible, not taking even a second for granted.

Nothing in your life has ever made you feel this hopeless. Surely after something so awful happens, there must be good to balance it out? After the initial crutch of learning to live without him, maybe you and Nobori can go somewhere. See the world, just like Kudari had dreamed of. The tears return in steady streams. You place your head on your pillow, imagining it to be his web, with him sitting beside you, excitedly telling you why some game is better than the other. Wishing you could go back in time, and stay there the whole night. Letting him know how much you loved him. "I'm sorry Kudari," you utter, before breaking down.

[cravenwes]

we literally had a scene last episode of roswell with michael saying the pieces of his ship want to be together. he has called what they had cosmic and there are still people freaking out they won’t be endgame... are we watching the same show idk

[allmightluver]

**bnha spoilers** I'm just sat here with renewed realisation of what All Might is going through. 40 years. /40 years/ he held and refined that power and dedicated his every waking (and sleeping if Vigilantes is anything to go by) moment towards the goal of defeating AfO and creating a society in which people could feel happy and safe. And now as it turns out AfO is still alive, society is broken and he has given a literal piece of his soul to this young boy leaving himself with only phantoms

Yes. I don’t think people quite grasp what all he’s going through.

It’s been shown recently to us that some, if not most, heroes have underlying ambitions in becoming a hero. Whether for money, glory, fame, popularity, doesn’t matter. They’re ultimately in it for themselves. Toshinori’s intentions from the beginning have been the most pure- he wanted to be a symbol that people can look to and know things will be ok. A symbol of hope. This boy was only around 14 years old when he decided this. What kind of 14 year old sees the world that clearly? Sees that people have no hope, that a veil of darkness covers them. The only thing I can think of is- Toshinori did not have a good childhood. Something had to have happened to a boy that young to stop seeing the joy in life so early, and see the world’s flaws. Truthfully, I believe he was an outcast- due to his quirklessness. Most likely an orphan, perhaps abandoned by his parents, as we’ve never seen him have any family. I do truly believe Toshinori has been alone all his life. I don’t doubt more could have happened to him as a child before he met Nana. 

Some may argue that Izuku is the same age, and therefore it shouldn’t be that hard to see why Toshinori wanted to be a hero at such a young age. BUT, Izuku had someone to look up to, ever since he was a child of four years old, to inspire him to be a hero his whole life *cough cough* All Might. Izuku also was quirkless, much like Toshinori, and an outcast because of it (hence where I assume Toshinori was much the same). But ultimately, Izuku wanted to save people because he saw his hero do it. It really wasn’t until Izuku was a bit older, has been in UA, has been on rescue missions, has seen what the heroes see, that I think he’s truly realized how dark the world really is. Toshinori didn’t have that. He didn’t have someone to inspire him as a child, someone to look up to, a hero to inspire him to help others. At that time, heroes hadn’t become as popular as they are in present times. Toshinori saw the world for what it was, on his own, at a tender age. I think that day Nana ran into this blonde hair kid, she eyed him up, noticed his scraggly form, looked into those captivating blue eyes, and saw a man who’s lived through the world’s horrors- experienced the worst it has to offer-, and wants to save everyone he can from the same fate, all in a 14 year old boy. 

Then after only a few short years with the woman he saw as his mother, she’s killed in front of him because of his own weakness- he wasn’t strong enough yet to protect her. The only other person his life, Gran Torino, literally abused him. He beat him to a pulp, taking his own emotions out on a teenager, and I doubt Toshinori said anything of it. He probably thought he deserved it. He’s still afraid of Gran Torino to this day, remembering the beatings and expecting more for his failures- even if he doesn’t know what they are surely he’s at fault for something, but he’s the only person who’s stood by his side for this long. Even while at a distance, and spouting nothing but criticisms along the way. But Toshinori had to put aside his own emotions to be that hope for everyone. He left everything he knew to go to a new country on his own, to learn how to be a hero, to be that hope for someone.

Vigilantes showed us just how hard he worked. Toshinori literally stayed awake with no sleep for days on end- 3 in the chapter I’m referencing- because people needed help, people needed saving, and no one else stepped up. He fought villains, rescued civilians, repaired damage, cleared rubble, (even accept and eat food that was against his dietary restrictions after his injury) whatever the public needed, all while draining himself further. He worked himself to the point of exhaustion because he had no help, once literally falling asleep while mid-leap across the city because he simply could go no further. 

^^These happen in succession of each other^^

No one stepped up to say “Hey, Mr. Number 1, you’ve been working hard lately. Let me help you!” No one tried to take over his position. Even the Number 2 hero, Endeavor, never tried to take some of his burden. His only goal was to try to be better than All Might in terms of power- he was never trying to be the hero that the people relied on All Might for. Everyone relied on him when things looked grim. He was the back up plan. And all of this happened before Toshinori’s injury. 

The only thing he ever wanted to do- help people- he can’t do (at least the way he’s always known how to). The ability to save people has been taken from him in the most gruesome way. He was finally able to fight the man that killed Nana, and in a rage that I’m sure echoed with all of the emotions of the previous users, he smashed that man’s head like a grape. But not without consequence. Several organs are gone. The pain is excruciating. He wears that man’s mark on his body for the rest of his life, never truly able to rid himself of the filth.

Then we have Nighteye’s betrayal. The man that helped him as a sidekick, the man that grew to be his only friend. Now some people may ask why Toshinori flipped like he did to Nighteye looking into his future when he was concerned about him making it through his injury. What I believe is Toshinori didn’t want to know when he would die (and really, who does). Now he knows he’s on a time limit, knows the clock is ticking. Time is running out to keep the world at peace, and with him as he is now, how long can this go on? 

I think the betrayal, doing something that Toshinori specifically asked him not to do, is what hurt the most. How can he trust Nighteye anymore? He already can only count on one hand the people he can trust, let alone befriend.

He’s wasted away into a skeleton, a shell of the man he used to be. He can’t over exert himself without his only lung bleeding in protest. It’s canon in the side books that he really doesn’t eat much, which isn’t good for his diet without a stomach now (he’s supposed to have several small meals a day). He is quite literally punishing himself by starving. (Granted, he doesn’t feel hunger anymore.) He’s a sick man, beyond medical help at this point. They can only stabilize him and hope for the best. For five years now he’s in constant pain, every day. He loses blood like sweat. Surely his veins are bruised and collapsed with how many times he would have needed to be hospitalized. Whether from losing too much blood, being too dehydrated or starved from “forgetting” to eat, or an organ failing as body continues to fall apart. “...even as my body rots and grows frail...” - Toshinori People are bound to stare at him as he walks down the street. A tall, willowy, skeleton with a grimace on his face and blood stains on his clothes as he coughs up more into his own hands. There would be the ones who outright ignore him when they walk by, the people who offer pitying smiles and sympathetic glances or just outright stare, and then ones who are afraid of his appearance- children screaming at the mere sight of him and running to their parents to hide from the monster. Each one is another knife in Toshinori’s side, an ache in his chest. If only they knew who I really am.

Losing Nighteye took a toll on his hero work as well. Mirai was a huge help in the past, and took care of all Toshinori’s paperwork, while also reminding him to take care of himself. Without him, Toshinori was even more buried beneath his responsibilities. Plus, now he was on a time limit. He even snapped briefly in his first meeting with Tsukauchi, accidentally revealing himself as All Might because he was under too much pressure, and telling the detective he literally couldn’t handle doing everything by himself (who graciously took over the paperwork side of things for him). 

He was living a double life now, having to lie to people left and right about who he was while in his small form, about how he became so sickly, why he was here in the first place who the heck is this skinny old guy. Surely he had multiple visits to the doctor while continuing to repair the damage done by AFO (there’s a limit to how much the body can handle at once. And things I’m sure continued to fail as time went on). Then he would be bedridden for as long as the doctors could keep him strapped to a bed, until he couldn’t take the people’s cries for help any longer, and would jump into action. (It’s also revealed he has something of a super hearing- able to hear danger- which may have been a form of danger sense of OFA that was never fully unlocked?. Either way, he surly could sense disasters happening while he could only lay and heal from his latest surgery. Those poor doctors must have had to re-stitch him several times). People blame him for not preparing society for his retirement, that he failed in passing on the torch so to speak, but in reality he did everything possible to keep society from falling for 40 years, doing all within his power just to keep things afloat. He is only one person. One human being, he can’t do everything despite trying to. Society failed All Might.

People blame him for not being a good teacher. He didn’t exactly have the greatest teacher himself to learn from. He’s never had to teach anyone anything, he just punches! He’s learning. And for his own credit, he’s an incredibly wise man, he has years of experience under his belt, and an intelligence score of 6/6, scoring up there with Nezu! He may not always have the right way to bring something up, but he’s doing his best. Yet even he blames himself for Izuku not being able to control his quirk better. Every time the boy hurts himself, it’s just another tally on the chalkboard of Toshinori’s failures. He himself knows the boy deserves better, better than him. Useless. Pathetic.

Then his friend from America, Dave, essentially became a villain trying to preserve Toshinori’s legacy after Toshinori told him about his injury. Dave went behind his back, threatened people, injured people (pretty sure people died), all for Toshinori’s sake. Something he didn’t want to begin with. Having to put your only other friend in jail for trying to help you surely couldn’t have been easy.

Oh, by the way? All For One isn’t dead. All Might will fight him again, publicly, have his weakened form exposed to the world, and have his own emotions toyed with as he finds out about his master’s grandson in the villain’s hands. Would Nana hate him for leaving her son alone like she’d asked, and dooming her grandchild to be raised by the greatest villain? Could he have done anything to save him? But Toshinori isn’t allowed to feel, he has to smile and push his own feelings aside once again, because there’s a villain to be fought, and only he can fight him. Despite coming out on top, he’ll have suffered severe head trauma, broken left arm, destroyed right arm, and several cuts and bruises that are sure to scar. And then, his quirk, the only thing that’s been allowing him to help people, the gift given to him that he carefully held for 40 years and molded into his own until his very consciousness was permanently carved into it, blows out like a match in the wind. And he’s done. Used up. Empty. Broken. Hollow. Alone, again.

He overhears his student, Bakugo, admit that he blames himself for All Might’s retirement. If he hadn’t been captured, All Might wouldn’t have had to save him, and he wouldn’t have had to fight AFO. Of course Toshinori knows that’s not true, his time was about to run out anyway. It would have happened one way or another. But how can he explain to this child that he wasn’t the cause of his hero, the world’s greatest hero, fighting for his sake, bleeding for his sake, being forced into retirement to keep him safe. Every time Bakugo sees the bandages covering Toshinori’s body is another reminder of the pain and sacrifice Toshinori willingly gave to keep him safe. Toshinori wasn’t held when his mentor died. He wasn’t told it was ok to be sad, that grief and mourning was a natural process, that it takes time to heal. He wasn’t told it was ok to cry. Instead his feelings were beaten out of him as he wondered if Gran Torino blamed him for Nana’s death. He already blamed himself How then, does he comfort a child mourning for him? For what he lost.

And then he gets the call to come to the hospital. Mirai, Nighteye, his old sidekick friend, has been gravely injured, much like he himself was only a few years ago, and most likely won’t survive the night. And to his horror, Nighteye is happy to see him, smiles at him, says he doesn’t hate him for what happened, only wants Toshinori to be happy. He can’t accept that, at least let him apologize, reconcile his sins before it’s too late! But it is. Another fractured piece of his heart gone.

Of course, seeing your students beat up and their arms completely destroyed must have hurt. Instead of being able to save these kids, they’re the ones that hurt themselves to save everyone else. And if Bakugo had kept OFA, things could have been very different (especially with what we know now of OFA and people with quirks). Toshinori wasn’t mad at Izuku for transferring it away, he’d never regret choosing Izuku, and I believe he still would have stayed by Izuku and Bakugo’s side should it have stayed in Bakugo, doing whatever he could to help.

As he tells Aizawa, “I’ve decided to live,” -that statement seems so melancholy, besides obvious reasons. It sounds more like another task he has to accomplish. He didn’t die he was supposed to die with the AFO fight, and now the whole life he lived is over. The world has no use for him anymore. If not for Izuku, he’d have nothing left keeping him here. But because his boy made him promise to live, he’ll do so. Though it almost seems like he says those words with regret. “I’ve decided to live.” Not, “I’m going to live!” “Nothing can kill me!” “I won’t go down without a fight!” No. “I’ll live if I have to, only because you asked me to.” The man is obviously and outwardly depressed. He has so many things against him. No doubt has severe PTSD, anxiety, among others. Not to mention his own physical health. Every day hurts. It’s painful to be alive. Why would he torture himself if he doesn’t have to? For you, my boy. You’re the only thing keeping me here. The only light in my dark world.

He tries to help Izuku find out the previous holder’s quirks, to help his boy in any way he can now that he’s worthless, and goes days on end without sleep, running his body into the ground. He even forgets Christmas. Only to find that by giving the boy the same gift he had received, he may have just doomed him to an early death, among psychological torture (danger detection). (Granted, he really doesn’t know how everything works, and he’s afraid to talk to anyone about it). His boy could live only half a life.

It’s only been a few months since he retired, and society has fallen into shambles. People are blaming him. People are dying. He watches helplessly as his colleague fight his fight for him, and end up battered, bruised, crippled, dead. He students, his boy, battle the monster he should have killed. Children are bleeding. This shouldn’t happen. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Is everything he worked for, everything he fought to protect, to build up, to inspire, is all for naught?! Did he live a foolish dream and doom the world? Was all the the friends he lost, tears he shed, the organs he destroyed, the pain he endures on a daily basis from the hole in his side, and the blood he continues to bleed every day, for nothing? The public, the ones he protected for so long, mourn his absence, but surely there are those among them who also blame him. The statue from his last fight in Kamino one that he never asked for was decimated in a mock of his catch phrase- the one that was supposed to give hope.

Now he can feel his own vestige speaking with Izuku in the OFA realm, even with out OFA in his own body anymore. His clock as nearly reached it’s limit, Nighteye’s prediction is due any day now. The only thing he wants is to see his boy smile at him, to give him some shred of hope. Yet the child remains unconscious, and Toshinori can’t even hold his hand from the bandages covering his arms. Will he still be able to fight? Is there any coming back from this now? Did I break him?

With all Toshinori has been through, I’m honestly surprised we haven’t seen him just outright break down. Anyone, anyone, else should have crumbled under the pressure of holding up the world for 40 years alone. And instead of being able to pass it on to someone when he can no longer bear its weight, it simply falls to into the abyss. People don’t credit All Might enough for everything he’s done. Most don’t realize the sacrifices he’s made. His character is so unbelievably profound and deep, it’s more than just the “I am here!” people focus on. He’s a deeply troubled, layered, complex character. And I can’t find fault within him.

[mythicamagic]

Editing my last ask - realizing two sentences started the same: Kagome is injured - "Can you walk?" "I'm bleeding."

AN: Takes place in early canon

----

It wasn’t every day Sesshoumaru found himself staring down at his brother’s wench laying in a bloodied heap at the bottom of a ditch.

After quickly assessing her with a cursory glance and inhale, he realised she was in fact not dead and very much alive judging by the glare she sent his way, face smeared with dirt.

He arched a brow.

How the tables turned. He could just leave the bratty young woman to die. She had nothing to do with him- and had practically been Inuyasha’s cheerleader during the day he’d cleaved Sesshoumaru’s arm off.

Fierce blue eyes narrowed, body shaking. She tried to rise, crumpled body unable to move from the inch deep murky waters and slick mud. Crimson slashed across her shoulder and stomach, marring her strange white and green garments.

Sesshoumaru’s pale lips curved, coldly amused by her struggles. Let her writhe in the dirt some more.

Let her feel a mere sliver of the humiliation he’d felt.

“If you’re j-just going to watch me die- get lost,” she rasped.

“Is that any way to speak to your possible saviour?” Sesshoumaru’s velvety baritone purred.

Kagome gave a weak laugh, wincing soon after, “hilarious,” she tried rolling onto her side, the action sluggish, progress slow.

Apathetic golden eyes bore down on the miko, vaguely curious as to how she’d met such a fate. “Perhaps I may be inclined to help, if…”

“I’m- hah- not going to do something stupid like snatch Tetusaiga from Inuyasha and give it to you,” Kagome quivered, pressing a palm to her stomach. Pale skin gained a ghostly pallor, once lovely black hair sodden with dirty water.

Sesshoumaru tilted his head to consider her loftily from his position, savouring every flinch as a means of petty revenge. It wasn’t like her agony could rival that of his phantom limb pain that he endured every damn night. “That is not it. I was merely going to suggest...begging goes a long way, miko.”

A brief look of horror crossed her features, before she snarled, forcibly rolling onto her side with renewed vigour and resting a hand on the steep incline, as though meaning to drag herself up alone. “As if I would! Y-you’re such an asshole!” she panted, groaning and making a valiant effort of dragging her body onto the grassy verge- but it proved too slippy, making her slide back down.

“Can you walk?” he asked pointedly.

“I’m bleeding,” she hissed. “Of course I can’t, s-smart ass. But I’ll drag myself if I have to,” Kagome panted with scratchy sounding breaths, gripping a fistful of wet grass and crawling on her belly. She gave a low, breathy groan.

Sesshoumaru’s insides stirred with heat. Intrigue shook to life. What a strange, strong little slip of woman. Naïve of course, but effort should be applauded no matter how in vain it all was.

His nostrils flared. Blood was soaking through her uniform onto Kagome’s hand where it cradled her stomach. If she continued, she would likely…

He sighed, stepping off the ledge easily. Silver hair drifted up behind him as he drifted down, landing beside her gently as though gravity was nothing, mud caking flawless black boots.

Kagome stiffened, warily frowning up at him. The blue of her eyes blazed so fierce and bright they could put many demonic gazes to shame.

“You cannot survive without aid,” he evenly informed her. “But I am not going to assist you out of the goodness of my heart- only a fool would do so,” Sesshoumaru leaned over her, covering the miko’s body in shadow like the overcast skies looming above.

“Beg me, miko.”

Kagome sneered, matted hair sticking to a cut cheek. Her breathing was becoming thin, and she likely understood the futility of her struggles, gaze flitting to the high verge. She hissed out a curse, looking at him with palpable hatred.

“Please,” she whispered.

“Hm? I did not quite catch that,” Sesshoumaru hummed.

“Please save me, Sesshoumaru!” she snapped, growling. “I’m a weak, pathetic mess who got separated from her group, mugged by bandits and left in a damn ditch to die!- There! Is that what you wanted to hear?”

A strong arm shot down, sliding around Kagome’s waist and ripping her from the sodden earth’s clutches, dirtying his hakimono. She groaned with pain but bore it well enough, shuddering as mokomoko wrapped around her, cradling the miko close and supporting her legs.

With a spring of bent knees, Sesshoumaru glided into the air. “That was not so very terrible, was it?” soft words caressed her ear.

Kagome weakly rested against him, fanning hot, laboured breaths against his neck. He repressed a shudder, a little disconcerted by his reaction.

“My hero,” she croaked, forehead pressing against his collarbone. It felt feverishly hot. For a long time, neither spoke. Fresh breezes fanned over them, drying the mud and encrusting it onto clothes and skin. Sesshoumaru figured she’d passed out from blood loss until she stirred. “F-for what it’s worth,” Kagome’s voice rasped- barely a whisper now, “I was kind of horrified the day your arm was cut off. We were defending ourselves- but it still didn’t sit right with me. I guess I’m sorry it had to happen.”

Saying such a thing was ridiculous. They were enemies. She and Inuyasha had merely fought against him as adversaries should. Wounds or battle scars were a natural consequence of fighting that every warrior accepted before they began a fight.

Nonetheless, his stinging, bruised ego that would likely never be repaired after suffering such a huge loss felt oddly quelled by her words. Appreciative.

Sesshoumaru said nothing, and when Kagome fell unconscious, he did little more than adjust voluminous furs around her broken body.

-------

Kagome awoke hours later in Kaede’s hut, temples pounding, friends crowded around her, voicing their concerns- or chewing her out for getting separated from them in Inuyasha’s case.

“Still, it coulda been a lot worse,” he grunted, scratching his nose. “Luckily you were pretty much fine...dunno how you got here though,” thick brows pulled down.

“Fine?” she echoed, sitting up and automatically reaching for her wounds. “Fine? Inuyasha my stomach was practically cut open! And my shoulder was-”

Kagome’s hands stilled. Flawless smooth skin met shaking palms. Not one cut lay upon her body.

Her friend blinked, triangular ears pricking, sensing her distress. “The hell is it?”

“You were covered in mud, Kagome,” Shippo helpfully supplied. “But just passed out. We’re all glad you’re alright,” he shot a look at Inuyasha, who grumbled.

The miko was barely listening, fingers stroking over warm, pale skin. Her heartbeat drummed wildly, sweat perspiring along her brow.

She didn’t dare voice her confused thoughts aloud, visualising a certain sword resting by the haughty, cruel Daiyoukai’s hip.

Kagome teeth gnashed, lips pressing together. Tension slowly released from her body, but she quietly continued to reel for the rest of the day and long into the weeks after.

The truth of what had happened was only known to two- apparent in Sesshoumaru’s citrine eyes which caught and held her captive during their next encounter. It remained unspoken, but carefully, imperceptibly, Kagome gave the barest incline of her head in thanks.

Sesshoumaru’s lips barely quirked at the edges in response.

[irisofpurple]

Good Girl

Summary: What happens when Lana comes home to Ethan, fashionably late after a girls night?

Book: Open Heart Book 3 (post ending)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey×f!MC (Lana Stevens)

Word Count: 2k.

Warnings/Rating: Smut, Swearing, NSFW; Explicit.

A/N: This is pure filth and nothing but filth. A self indulgent produce of my very Scorpio brain and the smuttiest fic I've ever written. I'm not exactly sorry but you've been warned jskssjjkkhhssk. It follows up after New Look, which was my first ever Pictagram edit. I suppose you can still read this if you missed that though. Hope you enjoy reading!

This work is NSFW and meant for 18+ readers only. Please use discretion.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Pixelberry.

A rush of giddy excitement hit her as she turned the keys to his apartment, making her stumble slightly at the doorstep as she entered.

Alcohol from the countless shots Jackie made them do was still hot and pumping through her veins. In her drunken haze, Sienna had actually convinced her to keep the wig on.

She adjusted it slightly before she realised she'd stepped into pin drop silence, the moonlight streaming in through the floor to ceiling windows the only source of light cutting through the darkness.

A quick glance at her watch told her it was 2:30 AM. Way past Ethan's bedtime.

Her stomach dropped. The girls night had went on longer than she'd anticipated. They'd gotten a bit carried away between gossiping and drinking to new beginnings. It had been a while since they'd had a relaxing night as this after all.

As fun as that was, what Lana was really looking forward to tonight was seeing Ethan. All that teasing had made her as hot as she'd hoped to have made him. She wanted to leave right then but it wouldn't have been fair to her friends.

Her shoulders slumped. It was no use now.

She turned head into the bedroom, the knowledge that she'd find him peacefully asleep making her heart sink a little.

"You're late."

The familiar rumble of his voice echoed through the room, making her gasp in surprise and turn back around.

There he was. Sitting at the bar with a glass of scotch nestled in his hand.

Her heart jumped in her throat, a fresh surge of adrenaline coursing through her, renewing her excitement even more than before.

The contrasting shadows and moonlight highlighted his already sharp jawline, making him look more beautiful than ever.

Slowly, he rose from his seat, drawing nearer to her, his dark predatory gaze never leaving her. She wasn't able to look away either, her belly clenching with anticipation with every step he took.

She shivered as he ran his fingers though the red hair, his blue eyes going the deepest shade of sapphire possible.

"You're still wearing it, I see." he muttered darkly, a dangerous edge to his voice.

A slow smirk spread across her face. She knew no joy like seeing Ethan Ramsey tethering on the edge in a struggle for control.

And she'd make sure he fell over tonight.

"I thought you'd fallen asleep." she said, feigning nonchalance, pointedly ignoring his observation.

In a sudden movement, he pulled her hand by the wrist to the front of his pants, making her feel his hardness though the fabric.

"Do you know how hard it is to sleep like this?" He said through gritted teeth.

Lana was unfazed. Her tongue darted out to moisten her lips as she stared right back into those celestial blues.

"I can only imagine." She murmured huskily as her fingers caressed him ever so slightly, confidence oozing through her as he twitched violently at her touch.

He pulled her hand away and onto his chest, having realized that his move had backfired.

"You made me wait." He accused, his rebellious gaze dropping to her lips.

"I think I know exactly how to make up for it." Lana said with coquettish smirk.

She captured his lips soon after, not letting him a chance to say anything more. Her hands travelled down to palm his bulge once more, making him groan against her lips. Tongues tangled in a desperate battle for dominance, their need for each other assuming more importance than air for a few breathless moments.

Lana pushed him onto the couch, looking down at him with a devilish smile as she pulled off her wig, shaking free her natural blonde curls. They fell around her shoulders gracefully as Ethan watched her with an awestruck look on his face, all traces of resistance gone. She took off her top next, taking delight in his sharp intake of breath as her breasts spilled free before his reverent eyes, following to straddle his lap and continue kissing him with abandon.

Her lips trailed down the corded muscles of his neck, sucking and biting as she goes. Ethan's hands meanwhile were firmly gripping her waist, another one inching underneath her skirt, closer and closer to her soaked core.

But she wouldn't let him get there. Not yet.

His shirt flew across the living room in a matter of seconds and then she on her knees before him, her lips having left a wet trail of kisses all over his chest and abs.

She unbuckled his belt with deft fingers, pulling down the redundant material of his trousers. His cock sprung free, jutting out in all it's glory, demanding immediate attention.

Her delicate fingers gripped him firmly, pumping him a few times torturously.

"Lana.." Ethan groaned helplessly.

She gave him a smile that she knew he found devastating.

"Feel free to pull my hair." she said as she moved to give a long luscious lick along his length.

Her blood red lips were wrapped around his cock the next second, causing Ethan's hips to buck up involuntarily. His fingers tangled in her hair, making her hum around him in satisfaction.

She was on her knees but the one surrendering was Ethan, completely at her mercy. That knowledge was as beholding as it was empowering.

She sank down the length of him, hollowing out her cheeks, relishing every grunt and moan that escaped his throat as she took him deeper into her own.

She repeated the motion, working him up, not letting the involuntary gags or tears brimming in her eyes stop her from taking him where she wanted.

Keeping eye contact, she realised him with a dizzying pop only to suck on his heavy balls till they were as wet as his now glistening cock.

The look of sheer adoration mixed with lust and frustration on his face had to the hottest thing she'd ever witnessed. It made her own folds drip with arousal.

Her tongue flicked across the slit of his tip, before her warm mouth engulfed him once more to bob down his steely length with determination, taking him all the way in.

"Sweetheart, you're going to make me.. FUCKK!"

His grip on her hair tightened, almost to the point of pain. It only served to excite her more. She didn't let up till he emptied himself down her throat, cursing as he shook and came like never before.

She licked him clean, not leaving a single drop.

She felt breathless and a little punch drunk as he pulled her up and into his arms, kissing her tenderly, softly caressing her cheek and wiping away the tears.

He pulled back to look at her, concern etching his handsome face. "Are you okay?"

She laughed. "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

He seemed satisfied with her answer because the look of worry gave way to a roguish smirk.

"Just needed to be sure cause I'm not done with you yet."

"Wha-"

"Shhh." He silenced her with his fingers. "You had your way with me, didn't you? Now it's my turn."

"But.." her query died in a moan as Ethan's fingers found her dripping core.

"Damn." He hissed. "How are you already so wet?"

Lana was in no shape to answer because his thumb was working her clit in maddening circles, excruciating pleasure rippling through her as two fingers curled into her slick passage.

Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as his skillful fingers moved over her with precision and expertise, over and over again. Just when she was about to reach her peak however, he ceased all movements.

Lana cried out in disappointment from the sudden loss of sensations.

"What are you doing?" she hissed at him in frustration.

Ethan only smiled. "You didn't think I'd let you get away with all that teasing so fast, did you?"

"What do you-"

"Hush, my darling. I said it was my turn. You made me wait for you all evening. Now close your eyes."

"But-"

"No arguments." He said firmly.

Lana hesitantly shut her eyes, the ache between her legs getting unbearable with each passing second.

"Good girl." She could hear the smile in his voice. "Don't move an inch and keep your eyes shut. I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" she cried. "You can't leave me like this."

"Don't you trust me, my love?" He chastened.

Lana gulped. "I do but.."

"No buts then. I promise I'll make it worth your while but no cheating or this ends here."

"No!" Lana shook her head. "I'll do as you say."

"That's my girl."

She heard his footsteps fade away as she struggled to stay still. She was tempted to take a peek and more anything else, touch herself and soothe the throb between her legs. She could get off so easily right now.

But she didn't dare disobey. The wait and build up made her wetter and more turned on than she'd ever been.

Her breath came in shallow pants as she waited and by the time he was back, she felt like one touch would be enough to make her explode.

He secured a silky fabric across her eyes and she heard a low click of glass on the surface of the table.

What the hell was that?

Her heart pounded in her chest and her sex clenched in anticipation.

"Hands above your head and don't move. Or I'll have to tie you up."

She nodded eagerly, following his instructions. "Please Ethan."

He chuckled. "Patience, my love. If there's anything I learnt tonight, it's that waiting makes everything better."

She gasped as she felt his lips on her inner thighs, his beard deliciously scraping her skin as he kissed her everywhere but where she needed him most. It was too much but not enough.

His fingers hooked around the lace of her panties. "As pretty as these are, they have to go."

A loud rip followed, tearing through the room and informing her that her panties were definitely in shreds.

"That was.." she choked out, almost in alarm, unable to finish her sentence. But Ethan seemed to understand her concern.

"I'll buy you more." He grunted.

She felt warm liquid slosh onto her chest, flowing down slowly between the valley of her breasts and down her belly, making her entire body tingle.

Her back arched as the flow inched closer to her pulsing core. She moaned out loud as it finally reached it's destination, suddenly cooling her hot sex.

Ethan's mouth closed on her clit before she could process what was going on.

"Ethannn" She cried out.

She didn't recognize the feline noises escaping her, gasping and moaning for her life as she climbed higher and higher with each masterful stroke of his tongue.

"God. I thought scotch was best had neat. I was wrong. So wrong." He muttered against her sex.

The low rumble vibrated through her body and as soon as his fingers joined the ministrations of his mouth, Lana catapulted over the edge, fireworks exploding behind her eyes and blinding her with hot white pleasure as she came all over his face harder than ever. He didn't stop till all the aftershocks rocking her subsided, letting her ride out her orgasm.

He removed her blindfold and pulled her into his arms, gently kissing the top of her head as she hugged him feebly.

As she caught her breath, her eyes landed on the expensive half empty bottle of scotch and she laughed. "Scotch and sex? Who would've thought?"

Ethan chuckled, running his fingers through her hair. "Me apparently. How did it feel?"

She buried her face in his chest, feeling her face heat. "You know how I felt. I was pretty vocal about it."

Low masculine laughter rumbled through his chest making her heart squeeze and sex clench, like she didn't just have the best orgasm of her life.

She wasn't embarrassed though because she could feel his rock hard errection against her thigh.

She looked up at him mischievously. "Are we ready for a round two?"

She yelped as he lifted her, her thighs wrapping around his waist as he carried her to their bedroom.

"Always."

Whew! I hope you enjoyed reading that. As usual, I'd love to know what you think. Please forgive the mistakes if there are any. I couldn't proofread due to shortage of time.

Tags: @lem-20 @pixie88 @aleynareads @maurine07 @whimsicallywayward15 @lovingramsey @coffeeheartaddict @txemrn @shewillreadyou @aussieez @queencarb @quixoticdreamer16 @schnitzelbutterfingers @imaneditorthankyouverymuch @mercury84choices @thegreentwin @adiehardfan @custaroonie @headoverheelsforramsey @openheartfanfics @choicesficwriterscreations