#i'm sorry to use this as a vent

[orcgirlcock]

I've been there re: A lack of intimacy/experiences. I know it feels awful but you can't think of it as a problem that you are the source of. You gotta believe in yourself, even when believing in yourself feels stupid. You have to because it's the only thing that works. Things will change; and you'll make them change if they don't.

And I'm not just saying that because you're cute.

it doesn't just feel stupid, it feels wrong sometimes. ever since i started to want romance and intimacy, i've been met with nothing but misses. people telling me they had feelings after i moved away never to see them again. falling in love with my best friends, only to have them tell me that despite them feeling the same, we can't be together. over and over. finally actually having a girlfriend, working up the courage to finally give her a kiss for the first time, only to walk in on her and some guy from another class kissing. it doesn't matter how hard i try, no matter how much i believe, i can't seem to get it right. i haven't found anyone irl that wants me enough to do anything about their feelings, and i'm so tired from searching so hard

[themisterhip]

The sillys 🧛😝✨

[solitaireships]

I feel like I should say since there's been a recent uptick in a lot of communities I'm in/see stuff from a lot of white people pretending to be Asian, but you are not welcome here if you are in anyway stealing from Asian cultures for clout or the aesthetics of it

This includes if you're white and you give your self inserts Asian names, I truly do not care if your f/o is from an anime, you should not be using an Asian name under any circumstances. I hate that whenever I see someone using an Asian name online, I feel like I have to start searching their account to see if they're actually Asian or just a white person who likes the aesthetic of it bcs far too many white people will use Asian names here just bcs it sounds cool, with no regard for the actual cultural meaning behind it. Meanwhile actual Asian people will be mocked for their names, or treated like their names are too hard to learn to pronounce, or discriminated against based on their names

Asian cultures are not a fun little costume for people to dress up with. They aren't just a nice aesthetic, they aren't just a thing you can borrow from bcs you think it sounds cool

[undead-moth]

So The Bear ends season 2 with Carmy fucking up his pretty serious relationship with Claire. They spent an entire season developing this relationship between Carmy and Claire, and now it's over, and not just over, but abruptly and painfully over. Throughout this same season, they continue to develop Carmy and Syd's relationship, incorporating undeniable nods toward an eventual romance.

Then in season 3, they have Carmy dealing with the fallout of his painful fuckup, that ended a relationship that was, as I said, pretty serious, and was developed over the course of an entire season. They do this while continuing to develop Carmy and Syd's relationship, and while their interactions are mostly tense this season, they continue to incorporate blatant nods toward an eventual romance.

This is happening at the same time they have opened a restaurant, and Carmy is under enormous pressure, pressure that has been made worse by his breakup. Pressure to make the place a success, to live up to his potential, but also to make sure that Tina has an income, that he gives Marcus's mom what she wanted for Marcus, that Ebra, elderly and at the point where he really needs to be retiring, continues to have a job, that he doesn't endlessly waste his uncle's money, and crucially, so that the restaurant can earn that star Sydney is dreaming of, and that Carmy didn't even want.

And yet there are people genuinely criticizing The Bear for not canonizing SydCarmy this season, when...?

The man just went through a devastating breakup -

At the same time he opened a goddamn restaurant -

And is clearly going through the crisis of a lifetime -

And on top of that, he's just quit smoking.

Do you think, in real life, that it's realistic someone in that situation would immediately turn around and start seeing someone else? Do you think the writers would have spent a whole season developing Carmy's relationship with Claire, just for Carmy to shrug it off like it was nothing when it ends?

I'm even more baffled by the idea that SydCarmy not becoming canon this season is because the writers this whole time, have just been, what? Fucking with you? Straight-baiting you? Or do you think that just because they didn't canonize SydCarmy this season that this is indicative that they didn't intentionally allude to a future romance between Syd and Carmy?

I will tell you right now that The Bear is one of the most purposefully written shows I've ever seen. And while I will say that this season might be the weakest so far and wasn't what I was hoping for either - Nothing on that show is an accident. Nothing means nothing.

The writers of The Bear are too good to have accidentally implied SydCarmy was a thing. They are also far too dedicated to their vision for The Bear for them to be throwing things in just to fuck with you.

Have some patience maybe? When was the last time you watched a show that didn't hand you something the moment it was hinted at? Aren't you tired of watching shows that skip to the good part? Which is, as a result, not as good as it would have been?

[essenceofarda]

It's crazy to me that my doctors often criticize me for having "medical anxiety" but i never really had medical anxiety (to this extent at least) before I moved here and started seeing the doctors at this practice, where upon learning that I have a mental illness that has psychosis elements, would literally NEVER miss a chance to try to convince me that ALL my physical health issues are just a figment of my imagination, psychosis, or my apparent desire for attention ... (and like, not to mention they would oftentimes refuse to test or treat me unless i first "lost a bunch of weight"). My PCP once tried to convince me i must not be taking my mental health meds and that's why i "thought" i was having these health concerns... and like, belittling me to the point where I was told, point blank, to my face: "I'm not testing you for lyme Disease because it would be a waste of resources and you cannot possibly have it" (his exact words), despite my growing up and living in NEW ENGLAND, as well as one of the lyme disease capitols of the world, my dad being a deer hunter and having lyme disease himself, also having a bunch of symptoms that maybe could be other things too but were definitely in-line with lyme disease, but yeah, because I have a mental health disorder I must be just looking for attention 🙄 Now I avoid going to the doctor and when I do, I just downplay all my health concerns, even tho some are pretty serious and have a very negative impact on my day to day life.

Oh, the irony of being belittled by doctors for having "medical anxiety" when they were the ones who gave me medical anxiety in the first place lol

[deoidesign]

I’m a trans man that recently got diagnosed with hyper mobile eds, so now seeing Steve makes me extra happy, because cool disabled ftm rep. Thanks for making the radical dude bro, he’s funky.

same disability (waving hand emoji)

Always extremely fulfilling to know my work makes people happy in some small way, it means a lot. Thank you for sharing with me

[kyokutsu-sama]

My drafts see me starting to write something new without having finished the previous fic:

[dalennaugw]

Man, I had to jump through some gaddamn HOOPS just to attend the art party tonight. Two hours late, even. I was lucky there were still people there. :c

I had time for like. One goodish drawing of someone. Sorry it's still messy.

Luella Deathscorn belongs to @cheddargoblin.

[solei-eclipse]

okay. hello guys. my bad for not responding to stuff or being as active recently, had a lot of work to be done and other stuff to focus on that took a lot of my time. I wanted to make more art, but I unfortunately had to put that energy into other things (which got to the point where I could not put them off any longer and had to stay working on it). I know I missed a lot of stuff and I'm sorry for it

[pekoeboo]

ugh. some thoughts.

really been trying to find the joy in drawing/writing again and honestly it's been such a challenge. friends have told me it's most likely depression that's making it hard to feel motivated and tbh they're probably right.

hoping to get back into being creative in the way I Want to be at some point tho. I miss it. there's still so much with my stories and characters that I haven't been able to share or explain and I wish I knew how without it feeling like this daunting, impossible task.

I don't know when I'll get around to actually sharing art again (or writing, if ever). was hoping that I'd manage to get some of my mental and physical issues in check recently for just long enough to get back into the swing of being creative, but that hasn't seemed to work. everything feels bad, both artistically and physically. I'm struggling to keep up with the frantic pace at which my brain comes up with story concepts and intriguing character interactions, even tho everything in me wishes I could turn it into tangible artistic expression so I can get it out of my head and share it. it used to be easy. I don't know why it's not now.

I'm just . tired, I guess.

[luminescentchimera]

teachers at my school need to stop bitching about needing to give me accommodations I am disabled, and you are legally required to, shut the fuck up, if you don't want to do things that are legally required by teachers don't be a teacher

[rttingd0ll]

Why am I taking screenshots of the girls' accounts he follows on Instagram ?

It might be some kind of self-harm idk lmao🥹

[soap-ify]

.

[beevean]

Some other thoughts, because I cannot and will not shut up.

This is Hector and Isaac's very second scene in the show. Hector ends up staring at Dracula's fireplace: he reminisces of his abusive parents, and how he set his house on fire with them inside. This immediately tells us, along with Dracula's speeches, what kind of person Hector is: despite his apparent softness that we'll see later on, he can be ruthless enough to kill, or at the very least punish, those who have wronged him.

Much later, Hector has been brought to the lowest point of his life. He's listening as the woman he has given his heart to is gleefully humiliating him in front of her sisters, describing in detail how he's going to be treated as a tool, as a dildo, as a pet, and only because he trusted the wrong person. Multiple times, in fact. He has been hurt by one too many people.

And by the time Hector's fate is sealed, the fireplace acts as the framing.

Basic cinematic symbolism indicates that Hector's backstory would be become relevant in the next season. As a child, he killed his abusers. And now he's in the clutches of two other people who abused his trust and good nature and stripped him of all freedom and dignity.

So, was Hector meant to set the entire castle on fire, and kill Carmilla and Lenore for what they did to him? And then it was changed to make the season artificially happier? Would it have been the narratively more sensible course of action?

Well, not necessarily. As fun as it is to imagine Hector taking revenge on those two pieces of shit, subversion of expectations can still be done well. And, to be fair, while Hector did kill his parents and is certainly not above murder in general, he seems to not be inherently violent in nature, even against someone who hurt him:

Carmilla has lied to him, insulted him, and coerced him into indirectly killing his master. He still speaks to her very candidly.

From what was shown until S3, Hector needs to be pushed to his absolute limit before he starts considering violence, but once he does, he has no mercy. The most obvious proof is his disastrous attempt to threaten Lenore:

Yeah, as ill thought as this was, I don't blame him for being this desperate, after the torture he was recently put through. From a certain perspective, it would have been nice to see a recreation of this scene, but with a Hector acting smarter, having learned from his mistakes.

However, to be honest, I don't think that seeing such a gentle character being brought to horrific violence would have been cathartic. It would have been tragic. It would have been actually a bad thing, a reason to be scared and to pity him. And it still wouldn't have addressed his utter apathy when it comes to keeping humans in a cage: hell, that act would have made him as bad as Isaac in S3.

With that being said, I will never, ever, accept how he was written after that scene.

I'm going to use an excellently written show to talk about the difference between taking the high road, and forgiveness.

Our good horseman here has been abused since infancy by his utter monster of a mother, who delighted in making him feel guilty for daring to be alive. Long story short, she is now old, weak, and senile to the point where she can't recognize him anymore. Bojack is planning to finally vent all of his anger for all she did to him, as soon as she's lucid enough - and who could blame him? By this point, no one would shed a tear for a woman who did her very best to ruin her son's life. Hell, some might have cheered when he more or less bullied her by "killing" her doll. No mercy for an abuser, right?

However, in a brilliant display of foreshadowing, the audience is made to suspect that Bojack won't actually get to tell his mother off. He already wasted the seasonal F-bomb here! And there are no freebies. So what's going to happen? Will Bojack simply be prevented from finally facing the woman who ruined his life, deprived by outside circumstances of the catharsis he needs?

No. He does it himself.

Right when he has Beatrice where he wants, in a terrible retirement home and finally lucid enough to recognize her son... right after she has committed her last unforgivable act and secretly poisoned Hollyhock with appetite suppressants until she overdosed... Bojack chooses to not hurt her.

He could have. She would have listened to him. The viewers would have understood. But instead, the last moment Bojack could talk with his mother is used to soothe her confusion and fear, and give her a comforting vision where she can feel loved and like everything is alright.

Bojack is not one to do selfless acts without getting anything in return, and he doesn't know anything about her terrible past that we viewers have witnessed through the episode that explain why she was so bitter towards her son: so this act of pity towards the person he hates the most in his life speaks wonders of his character and growth.

But he did not forgive her. The entirety of Free Churro is dedicated to Bojack's painful eulogy of Beatrice, where he makes clear that he still resents her, and the only reason he's sorry for her death is that now he knows that he has lost the chance to have a good relationship with the one who was supposed to care about him.

Beatrice was shown wanting to reconnect with Bojack, almost as an apology. But even if her personality didn't got in the way of a proper reconcilement, nothing she could have done would have made up for the pain she caused Bojack, and he's right in still remembering her as a cruel person. But still, we remember that one moment of kindness he gave her as one of the most powerful scenes in a powerful story, for the build-up and for the significance it has for both characters.

Bojack Horseman did a wonderful job in exploring the complicated feelings that arise from being a victim of abuse. It's not just hatred and desire for revenge: there is a deeper connection, and care despite everything, and regret, and longing, and wishful thinking, and all sorts of uncomfortable feelings that are hard to explain to someone on the outside.

Needless to say that Netflixvania only wishes it could have reached the heights of Bojack Horseman, and Hector is not conflicted about Lenore. He's not anything. He shows no tension when he talks with her as if they were friends (it's the very first scene we see with them after Hector cried over being made a slave in S3); he shows no resentment when he talks about the ring that she forced on him to make him a useful tool, as he was a mere "problem to be solved"; his one attempt to address what Lenore did to him is brushed off as a sick joke that he takes in stride; he shows no confusion in his attempts to reconcile the Lenore who talks to him like someone worthy of respect with the Lenore who sadistically took advantage of his vulnerability to trap him. And needless to say, Lenore doesn't exactly get a good justification as to why she thought to resort to rape by deception to get her way, leaving fans to scramble to find one that still leaves her sympathetic enough.

It's only when Isaac storms the castle that Hector finally shows the slightest twinge of resignation when he cages Lenore to allow him to do his thing, but also to protect the woman who apparently protected him as well. Only now there is emotion in his voice, care and regret at the same time. Once more, much like Alucard killing Dracula, it's a big emotional payoff to nothing - worse than nothing, even.

Hector leaving Lenore alive, even protecting her from Isaac, could have been him taking the high road. Instead of going on a rampage like subtly implied by the framing, he could have shown her pity, for understanding that for all her cruelty and manipulation, she too was just a pawn in Carmilla's insane scheme (admittedly the parallel intended by the narrative, but not addressed enough). It would have fit with the general idea that revenge is for children (the development that was given to Isaac), and perhaps, in a way, we can consider it the fitting punishment for Lenore: being precisely being forced to live and see what exactly she has become. If written well, the subversion of the revenge ending could have been brilliant, and poignant.

But there's nothing there, except some shallow banter wasted on Carmilla and dick jokes and some flat voice acting. There is no inner turmoil. Hector just likes Lenore for no proper reason, which, if we pretend the writing was not a rushed mess, implies that he forgave her off screen and now everything is all peachy between them. As if what Lenore did was that easy to forgive. And if it was that easy, regardless of whether it was forgivable or not, then why should I be impressed?

It doesn't speak of Hector's supposed good nature. It's not an admirable act of strength. The choice to let go was not pondered, because it was apparently never a choice. We are eventually left with a nothing narrative, one that doesn't address the events of the previous season except in the form of a joke, one that doesn't allow the characters to grow but rather to regress (because remember, Hector's big badass moment of trapping Lenore and cutting his finger is in the context of him wanting to bring back Dracula and letting himself be killed by Isaac), one that doesn't explore the complicated relationship between a kind mistress and her well-treated pet that was deceived into imprisonment, and one that offers no catharsis whatsoever when it comes to the end, where Lenore kills herself out of nowhere and Hector lets her go after at most one second of hesitation (I have my idea on how that scene should have went - oh look, another comparison with BH :P). And we're left with accidental but vile apologism, instead of the nuanced tale about abuse that we could have had. It would have been so easy, even with the time restraints.

And it wasn't even intentional. It's just sloppy writing hailed as something deeper than it actually is.

(I keep reading in the comment people who gush about Hector showing compassion to Lenore, instead of comparing Carmilla lying to her to Lenore lying to him. I get the parallel and I get the superficial sweetness. This story should not have happened after petty rape by deception: remove that, and all the bonding suddenly makes sense. I want to fix it so badly.)

[dandyshucks]

i Love pkmn but i love it as a worldbuild. when i play the game its just bc i like exploring the world and the critters. and i feel like everyone else who likes pkmn are all ppl who Love the games and competitive parts of it. so i feel a little embarrassed about not being a game-lover and competition-lover... i simply enjoy the world and the silly creatures 😭😭

[zhongrin]

it's hackathon week next week and there are so many things i need to do (passport renewal, accommodation stuff, dental appointments, packing for flight, chores, etc), so i apologize if i'm kind of inactive or off in this blog or discord!!