#i've accepted that the taylor references are going to be a thing

[purplesigebert]

WIP Wednesday #26 - DW Crossover

Hey everyone, as it's my birthday, I think I should give Caroline a break. @sergeantpixie said that Caroline needed a spa day; she's correct.

Let's meet Taylor Caroline at Midnight.

This was her happy place.

Whenever things went wrong, she was stressed, or there was inevitable Mystic Falls drama, and Caroline needed to escape - she always went to the leisure planet Midnight.   

Today was no different, and the staff at the spa knew it.  Caroline didn’t even have to say anything; they just booked her the works.  A blowout, manicure, pedicure, full body massage, a facial with ground up diamonds from the planet, there was an eye mask to keep diamonds from getting in her eyes.

With all the danger that had recently taken place in town, she felt the need to take control of her life, even by doing something dangerous.  She recognized the habit that was starting to form, what with deciding to complete her homework assignment on WW1 in the muddy fields of Europe, instead of at the library.  And the fact that there were now at least four different versions of herself running around London during the height of the Blitz.  When traveling to Midnight, she made sure to set her vortex manipulator to a date prior to her first visit with her dad.  The Midnight entity would be roaming around the planet, that was true, but not in the spa.

So it wasn’t like she was being totally reckless! Next time she was bringing Bekah with her. They could use some girl time.

In between all of the pointless plots and schemes of the past month (had it only been a month since Mikael died?) Caroline was having fun spending time with Rebekah and Kol.  Sure, the novelty of pretending not to know each other had been great at first, but now it was just frustrating. It did give her (relative) immunity from Elijah in terms of pranks, the look on his face when he walked into his study, and found all of his documents out of order, and his carefully organized closet was priceless.  It was a close second to the long game she played regarding his Bonfire Season presents in the fifteenth century; it would take a lot to top that.

But she missed Klaus.  She missed him knowing her, knowing the real her.  Five months ago, he was the one person who knew almost everything about her.  Caroline sometimes thought she could see something in his eyes, when she wore the perfume he had given her, or the earrings that he had given her on their anniversary.  She just didn’t know how to get his memories back.  Well that wasn’t true, the Doctor would probably have the answer she needed but that would mean explain the Klaus of it all. She had already made a pro/con list about telling Klaus, and the pros outweighed the cons - like by a lot.  It just came down to getting the courage to fight for what she wanted, and she wanted Klaus.

The sound of her phone ringing brought her out of her musings.  Checking the caller ID, Caroline rolled her eyes and tossed it back into her bag.  She wasn’t dealing with any Mystic Falls drama for at least the next week.  Turning onto her stomach, Caroline contemplated where to go for dinner - oh who was she kidding?  She knew she was going to end up at the anti-gravity restaurant.  She had even brought her own bib!

[regretmedaisy]

i can see you - tom riddle x fmc/reader

part II

loosely inspired by "i can see you" by taylor swift.

“I've been watchin' you for ages

And I spend my time tryin' not to feel it”

summary: She had always fancied Tom Riddle. It was an infatuation that bordered on love and obsession, that she had secretly grown and cared for, content with indulging in her fantasies and never bold enough to try and make them become reality.

When she meets him again in her adulthood, dormant longings resurface together with a newfound desire to be the object of his own devotion.

As their paths keep crossing, she starts to think he feels the same.

tags: afab mc, use of female pronouns and no descriptors (i tagged it as x reader because i guess it could be read as such if you use the same pronouns), somewhat period-accurate clothing, courtship (just a little because it's still tom riddle), fmc has a crush on tom, she's a bit anxious, a bit of fluff, explicit sexual desire, vaginal fingering, cunnilingus, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, woman is on top.

please note that mc has a crush on tom, therefore the way she refers to him could sound a bit cheesy and exaggerated. i edited this last night and didn't read it again before posting. i'm sorry for any typos or grammar mistakes i missed.

bear with her in this one, she's a little anxious.

words: 6.7K

you can find part I here, I strongly recommend you read that one first.

this is me crawling out of my hole of shame to post this chapter.

i'm really sorry for this very late update, but the smut chapter is finally here after many days of writing (but still in time for smutober lol).

it's not crazy smut, but i hope it was worth the wait.

Part II: And I could see you up against the wall with me

She tapped her foot, pursing her red lips as she jotted a few numbers down on a parchment. She sighed, taking another folder from the pile on her side and checking if the reports corresponded. 

When Serena, her boss, had showed up that morning with two delivery men in tow, she already knew her day was going to take a detestable turn.

Serena had dropped three boxes full of last year's reports in the office and sprinted out of the door before they could say anything and try to stop her.

Apparently she had hired a cheap accountant to save money and now she had to review everything before the Ministry noticed and demanded an audit. Or rather, Serena had asked her to do it.

She was now holed up in the backroom while Will had taken her place in the main office, since Serena didn’t pay her enough to care about customers and save her from bankruptcy at the same time.

She glanced at the clock, noting that it was almost time for her usual break. She chewed the inside of her cheek and returned to the reports.

She wasn’t in the right mindset to meet Tom.

The day she had gone to see him had been like the calm before the literal storm. In the past week it had rained so heavily that she had had to give up on going out and he hadn’t come to post his letters. What had happened between them had been left unresolved.

She had replayed it so many times in her mind, at night and during idle moments in the office, picturing different ways in which it could have ended, desperately wishing she could indulge in his warm lips again.

The first few days she had fretted about it, but as the week had gone by without a word from him, she had just started to accept it as the normal course of things. Perhaps it had just been an extraordinary event, a moment that wasn’t going to repeat itself and that she needed to find contentment in. Perhaps it was supposed to be one of those memories she was going to return to in twenty years, thinking about everything she could have had, or it will sour in her mind, turning into regret while her lamenting soul grieved the possibilities of youth, the chances she had been too scared to take.

It didn’t matter that she was conscious of the anxious butterflies leading her decisions, she still didn’t want to find out if what she saw in him was just a product of her infatuated imagination.

She immersed herself in numbers, refusing to go down that rabbit hole again.

Fifteen minutes after the end of her break, a customer walked in. A beat of silence followed and then Will said, “She’s in the back.”

She almost jumped out of her seat, her heart rate picking up. She quickly smoothed her hair and sat straighter, crossing her legs.

Tom appeared in the doorway, his arm half raised as if he had wanted to knock. She pretended she had just noticed him.

“Good morning,” he said.

“Hello, Tom.” She gave him a mellow smile.

He was so good-looking, with his perfectly styled curls and black coat in the muted light of the cloudy morning. Her heart fluttered painfully.

He looked hesitant as he made his way to her and handed her a folded magazine. It was the weekly crossword.

“Thank you,” she said, taking it as her gaze met his. The way he was looking at her was so compelling it was impossible for her to divert her eyes.

He had been thinking of her, she realised, he had noticed her absence, perhaps even missed her.

“I hope I’m not disrupting your work.” His gaze trailed to the numerous papers scattered on the table.

“Not at all, a distraction is more than welcome.” The distraction of his presence was most desirable.

He drew closer, reading through them as he casually rested his hand on the back of her chair.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Maths mostly,” she replied, fiddling with the parchments to hide her nervousness.

He reached out over her shoulder to grab a folder but she placed a hand on his arm to stop him.

“I’d rather you didn’t. It’s still work.”

He dropped his arm. “You’re right, I apologise. I don’t wish to put you in an uncomfortable position.”

“It’s fine.”

He stepped to the side, tickling her neck.

“I’ll see you later?” he asked.

She had to stop herself from grinning.

“Of course.” 

She watched him with desirous parted lips as he left. He said goodbye to Will and she heard the door closing. It was only a matter of minutes before Will came to pry.

She grabbed the crossword, flipping through the pages. He had bought her her favourite one.

As she got up to put it next to her bag, a small note fell to the ground. It was a plain piece of parchment. But as she picked it up, ready to throw it on the table with the rest of the documents, words started to appear.

Her breath caught in her throat. She knew to whom that elegant and neat handwriting belonged.

She read the note. Then read it again to make sure she wasn’t hallucinating. 

“I hope to see you more often in the future.

You look stunning with that lip colour.

T.R.”

She brought her fingers to her mouth, staring at the words until each swirl of ink etched into her mind, terrified they might disappear.

Instead his message remained there, visible, tangible, real. He had taken time to write her a note, to think about something he knew she’d appreciate.

Something warm diffused in her chest, a new version of a familiar feeling, and a giggle escaped her as she realised the ridiculous effect he had on her. 

She was so engrossed in her reverie that she didn’t notice Will standing in the door until he cleared his throat. 

She quickly hid the message in her purse and  he was so considerate not to comment on it.

“How is it going?” he asked.

“Awfully slowly, these numbers are all over the place,” she huffed, returning to her chair.

He dragged a chair and sat across from her. He started bouncing his knee. “I know you’d prefer not to talk about this, but how are things between you two?”

She stopped twirling her quill. “What do you mean?”

Will shuffled awkwardly in his seat. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for you but I’d hate to see you hurt.”

She tilted her head to the side, disliking the territory the conversation was heading towards.

He was struggling with his words. “He never- I never saw him interested in a girl. I just want to be sure you know what you can expect from him.”

She averted her eyes. “I have considered all the options.”

“And?”

“And I don’t know, Will!” she bursted out. 

Her flare of annoyance suddenly deflated, making room for embarrassment for what he probably saw as naivety.

“I know I’m probably getting ahead of myself.”

“You are smart, I just can’t stand watching you smile at the things he writes to you.”

She feigned offence and threw a balled up paper at him. 

“When you find someone, you’ll be just as ridiculous.”

He laughed and steepled his fingers in front of him. “I’m curious to know, when did it start?”

She scrunched her eyebrows, thinking about how much she wanted to reveal. “I don’t remember exactly. It was more like a sequence of events, until one day I was anxiously waiting for him to sit at his usual spot at breakfast,” she replied with a smile. Will was smiling too.

“You and half of Hogwarts,” he said.

She chuckled. “I miss those years sometimes. Everything was simpler.”

“I used to worry about everything,” he admitted. “But fears always seem so big.”

They really did.

“What do you like about him?” he asked after a beat of silence.

It was her turn to be at a loss of words. “He’s handsome…and always so mysterious. I think I always liked him because it was easy to imagine him being exactly what I wanted.” She looked at him hesitantly, fearing judgement, but he was just listening. “But I think it’s impossible for me to dislike the real him.”

They shared a small moment of closure. She had always wished for someone she could confide in, someone that could help her see beyond the fabrications of her wary heart, and perhaps she had finally found them.

The bell chimed and Will got up. 

“Do you want to come for lunch on Sunday?” she asked.

“I’d love to. I’m sorry for earlier, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

His gaze shifted between the door and her. “Just make sure you both want the same thing.”

He went back, leaving her at the mercy of her insidious brain and foolish heart.

Throughout the afternoon she had opened the note at least three times, giggling like a schoolgirl everytime she read his words.

Her mind kept straying to what he had said.

“I’ll see you later.”

She wasn’t sure what he had actually meant. Was he just going to stop by or was he going to wait for the office to close? She wasn’t even sure she could see him today, since she expected to stay late to solve Serena’s mess. 

Will popped in. “I have to check something at the owlery. I’ll be back in a while.”

“Alright, I’ll see you later.”

The door opened and closed and then she was submerged by stillness. It was soothing almost.

She had found out long ago that she enjoyed being alone, it freed her of any kind of expectation.

She turned up the heating with her wand and took off her jacket. Since they couldn’t light a fireplace in a room full of paper, they had refined a spell that kept the room warm and the humidity away.

It was a few minutes after the usual closing hour that the door opened again. She knew who it was.

He walked in, his cheeks slightly flushed from the cold and his lips reddened. 

“Are you still working?” he asked.

She nodded. “I’m afraid it’ll take a while before I’m free to go.”

“It’s not a problem,” he said, grabbing her crossword and a quill and sitting down on a chair, bending one leg so that his ankle rested on his other knee.

Her face heated as she watched him but she didn’t say anything.

As she returned to her work, she realised that silence was a strange assistant. It felt like every sound was heightened and she was becoming keenly aware of everything that was happening. The scratching of their quill on parchment, paper being flipped as she checked the numbers or he looked for a crossword he liked, his soft breath threatening to pull her close like a magnet, her absentmindedly chipping her nail polish.

She kept throwing glances in his direction and she could feel his eyes on her from time to time.

An unspoken craving was growing between them again. She had waited long enough.

She slowly got up, gathering her reports and stacking them in a neat pile. She then took them and walked over to the shelves, conveniently passing by Riddle in doing so. 

As she stored them, his chair scraped on the ground and she felt him draw closer. She deliberately turned around, meeting his eyes.

His gaze was deep, like he was trying to read every thought that crossed her mind just by looking at her. She wasn’t going to lay them bare for him. 

He raised his hand, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “Did you get my message?”

“I did,” she replied, stepping forward and trailing her fingers down his suit jacket, feeling the fabric. “You keep mentioning it but this is the first time I’ve seen you all week.”

“It was storming all week,” he pointed out.

She tilted her head, finding his eyes again. His eagerness was palpable. “Still,” she said.

He grabbed her waist, pressing her body flush against his. “And you still haven’t answered my question.”

She had thought about that moment since then.

“Tell me what you desire the most.”

What could she tell him? That she had been pining for him for so long she couldn’t imagine herself with anyone else? That she was jealous of even thinking about him with someone else? Will’s words played in her mind.

She leaned closer, murmuring against his ear. “Not until I know why you’re here, Tom.”

She left a kiss on his jaw, phantom lips brushing against his flawless skin.

“It’s a really uncomplicated answer,” he said, caressing her back.

“Explain it to me, then.”

Tender amusement tugged at the corners of his lips. “Do you really think I came here because I don’t own an owl?”

His words pulled at her heartstrings with raw delight and her mind went blank. Adrenaline was rushing through her as she listened to her impulses. It was enough, at least for now it was enough.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and tangled her hand in his hair, involuntarily tugging at the strands as she leaned closer. She could feel his warm breath as he pulled her in, gripping the silky fabric of her blouse.

She met his lips halfway, the burning touch consuming her as he pressed her against the shelves, one hand lost in her hair, the other splayed around her ribcage. 

She bit his lower lip, smiling as it elicited a groan from him and the kiss became more demanding.

It was a moment frozen in time, where she wanted to stay forever, like the scenery in a snowglobe.

“Hello?”

A man’s voice abruptly pulled them apart. She was breathless as she realised she had forgotten to lock the door. Was this a conspiracy? 

Tom was slightly panting and she left a small kiss on his neck.

“Don’t leave,” she whispered.

She used a finger to fix her smudged lipstick and went to see who had just dared to interrupt them.

There was a man standing in the office.

“We’re closed,” she said.

“But I saw the light on.”

There was a twitch in her jaw. “We are closed to the public. I must ask you to come tomorrow morning.”

He rolled his eyes and she ignored his grumbling as he left, locking the door behind him. When she went back, Tom was leaning against the table.

He turned his head towards her as she languidly got closer. She forgot pleasantries, immediately grabbing his face to kiss him again. He was quick to react, wrapping his arms around her.

His mouth trailed down, kissing her cheek, her jaw and then pressing against her neck, soft lips and the occasional scrape of his teeth. 

He grabbed her waist and spun her around, flattening her back against his chest and brushing her hair away from her neck to bite and lick her skin. His hands travelled down and he started gathering the fabric of her skirt. 

Merlin, it was finally happening. 

He caressed her inner thigh, tracing patterns and snapping the nylon of her stockings as his fingers moved excruciatingly slow.

Finally he pulled her underwear to the side, feeling the wetness between her folds with his fingers as his other hand cupped her breast.

She threw her head back against his shoulder as he stroked her clit, eliciting a sigh out of her, and she grabbed his thigh for support.

“I won’t drop you,” he murmured, amused, against her ear. He rubbed his palm over her clothed breast, the friction causing sparks to jolt through her body.

None of her fantasies came even close to what she was feeling right now.

“Should I trust you?” she asked, biting her lip to suppress a moan as he sunk one finger inside of her, his thumb still applying pressure on her clit.

“Such a great timing to ask me that,” he replied. She felt him smile on her skin.

“We don’t really know each other, Tom.” She dug her fingers into his flesh as he slipped in a second finger and started fingering her, stretching her as pleasure morphed her features. 

“And yet you are letting me do this.” He squeezed her breast, lewd wet sounds filling the room as he kept moving his fingers inside of her. 

She leaned her body weight completely on him, her legs unsteady as it was precarious the beating of her heart. 

He let out a low moan as she yanked his hair to catch his mouth, biting his lip hard to gain better access, their tongues tangling together.

He curled his fingers inside of her, an unrelenting wave of pleasure washing over her.

She stopped to imagine what it would be like if he dropped to his knees again, if he started kissing and licking her, if she could watch him at her mercy between her legs.

She realised in that moment that the fall down the precipice was inevitable. Tom had threatened to push her but she had allowed him to succeed, jumping into an abyss that felt unending but that could only allow two conclusions to her story.

What she had told Will was true. She loved the fantasy, all the glances, conversations, gestures that had never happened, that she had delighted herself with when the reality was harsher, but as she kissed him she knew that falling for the real Tom was unavoidable. Not if he kept touching her like that.

It was bound to happen, it was part of her story, the decision she was brave enough to take.

She focused on him, on the circles his thumb was drawing on her clit, on the indecent sounds falling from her lips, on his groans on her reddened skin, on him growing harder against her back. 

He pulled her hair back, tilting her head to meet her gaze. His eyes glimmered with rapture while hers were heavy-lidded, tension building inside of her. 

He didn’t take his eyes off of her, as if he wanted to memorise each detail of her, the way she looked at him, the way her lips parted slightly and the way she panted as she was nearing her orgasm.

“Just like that, darling,” he murmured, a pleased smile on his lips as he noticed she was still blushing.

She threw her head back, losing herself in the motion of his fingers, surrendering herself as blissed moans spilled out shamelessly. She squeezed his soaked fingers, and he kept moving, stroking her throughout her climax.

She panted, coming down from her apex in a flurry of emotions and flustered thoughts. He raised his wet fingers to her lips and she opened her mouth, tasting herself on her tongue as she sucked on them, never breaking eye contact.

“Good girl,” he said, holding her jaw and kissing her.

It was a slow kiss, meant to explore her depths in a different way from the breathless and unrestrained passion from before. She leaned into his palm, her hand closing around his wrist.

His arms snaked around her waist and he turned them around, pushing under her thighs to lift her on the table.

The kiss transformed again.

Teeth and tongues met with vehemence, burning urgency guiding their movements as he brought her legs around his waist and she quickly started to unbutton her blouse.

But at the third button, she stopped. 

Tom noticed the shift in her demeanour and drew back, observing her. Her eyes flew to the clock, as she had just remembered about Will.

She noticed with disappointment that they had no time.

“What is it?” he asked. She didn’t miss the urgent tone of his question.

“Will will be back any time now,” she replied, leaving a peck on his lips. 

He cleared his throat and stepped back, composing himself. She got off the table and

cool hands unexpectedly reached her again, adjusting her clothes and stockings. She shivered at the contact.

He smoothed her skirt and put his coat back on, watching her as she scribbled something on a piece of paper and gave it to him.

“If you want to stop by one of these days.”

“I remember where you live,” he replied, reading the address she had written down.

She shrugged, holding out one finger to wipe away the lipstick at the corner of his mouth.

“Do you have to go back to work?”

“I was supposed to meet with a potential supplier, so yes.”

“I’d stop by the bathroom before,” she advised, gesturing for him to go as she herself needed to compose herself again.

She braced herself against the threshold, leaning her head on the hard wood as she watched him unlock the door and leave. 

Then she was alone, finally finding an answer in the cluster of hypotheses that had tormented her mind.

Two days later, as she was returning from her meeting with Serena, she found Tom waiting for her.

He was talking to Will and they both turned to her as she entered, feeling tremendously self-conscious.

“How is Serena?” Will asked.

“Dim-witted as always,” she replied, earning a laugh from Will.

Her eyes trailed to Riddle, holding an unspoken question. 

Will seemed to notice because he stepped forwards.

“It’s quite late, you can go if you want, I’ll close.”

Tom didn’t wait for him to repeat himself, pushing down the handle and holding the door open for her.

She mouthed a ‘thank you’ to him and followed Tom outside. Once in the street, she huddled herself in her coat and took the arm he was offering her. 

“May I walk you home?” he asked.

“Of course,” she said, a little breathy, still not immune to the chivalrous manners he always had with her.

They strolled through the streets, passing by scarcer and scarcer people as the stores emptied and everyone returned home seeking a tranquil evening.

She held his arm tightly, her fingers tracing delicate patterns on the fabric of his coat.

The first time they had walked together it had felt like an accident, a singular mistake in the already waved threads of her life. This time, she yearned for so much more than she wanted for the error to repeat itself; she was willing to cut the strings herself and tie them back together, as messy as it might have looked. 

They crossed the road and he gently put a hand on her waist, pushing her away from the pavement. 

“Would you fancy dinner?” he asked. There was a foreign quality in his voice and when she turned to look at him, he averted his eyes. She blinked bewildered. Was he nervous?

“I’d love to,” she replied and she noticed his chest rising like he had just begun breathing again. “But not tonight.”

An almost imperceptible smile cleared his expression at her answer and she leaned her head on his shoulder, basking in his mere presence.

When they reached her front door, she looked for her keys with embarrassingly clammy hands. 

As she lifted her head to ask Tom if he wanted to stay, she found his eyes impatiently boring into her bag. 

“Would you-”

His gaze snapped to her, serious and scorching. “Don’t even ask.”

Something coiled between her legs at the way he was looking at her. She nodded and walked up the few stairs to her door, unlocking it.

“Second floor,” she said, more to fill the silence than anything else.

They stepped into the building, the sound of her heels and the soles of his shoes hitting the stone ricocheting through the empty hall.

She turned to gesture to him to follow her when he grabbed her face, kissing her as he pushed her against the wall by the foot of the stairs. Her hands tangled in his hair, tugging at it just as she suspected he loved by the way he always pressed himself harder against her. 

He curved his palm around her cheek, better angling her face as their tongues met.

“I have a nosy neighbour,” she said after they pulled apart to catch their breath. “She is probably spying on us through her peephole.”

Tom didn’t think twice about it, taking her hand and leading her up to the second floor. She stifled a laugh as she unlocked the door, Tom’s lips skimming against her neck as she did, and was left breathless when he closed it unceremoniously behind them, resuming from where they had been interrupted.

As she dropped her bag and grabbed his waist, walking backwards into her living room, she remembered there were clothes somewhere - perhaps in the bathroom but she wasn’t sure - that she had forgotten to put away yesterday.

In any case, Tom didn’t look particularly interested in how tidy she was.

They quickly took off each other's coats and discarded them on the floor.

He sat on her sofa, pulling her down with him.

She was straddling him, her knees digging into the plush cushions as his hands appreciatively caressed her back, moving up and down and occasionally squeezing. She lit the fireplace with a wave of her hand.

She rocked her hips, rubbing against him and eliciting a long awaited moan from him. She grabbed the collar of his shirt, their lips collading so hard she was sure she cut him.

She helped him out of his jacket and vest and undid his tie, smoothing her hands on his white button-down.

“I’ve waited too long,” she said, quickly unbuttoning his shirt and grinding against him. Her hands disappeared under his undershirt and ran over his pale chest, lightly scratching his skin.

“Slowly, my dear. We will get there,” he replied between kisses.

His palms kept tracing her thighs and his face buried in her neck, nibbling at the thin skin.

When she was a small girl, before she discovered sex, Tom Riddle was just a boy she liked. During puberty, sharing stories and questions with her friends, she started to understand what was the sensation that passed through her everytime she was close to him, the one that made her cheeks redden and her mind go somewhere she wasn’t yet comfortable with.

As an adult, sexual relations weren’t unfamiliar to her, but this carnal longing, the need of a physicality that went beyond her skin touching his, was.

He opened her blouse, revealing her silk slip and bra underneath.

She wanted to touch his soul, to hold it and comprehend it.

Her eyes fell on the tattoo on his forearm, black tendrils of ink in the shape of a serpent slithering out of a skull.

“Does this have a meaning?” she asked.

He followed her gaze, blinking surprised at her question. “It does.”

“Am I prying too much if I say I’m curious to learn it?”

He bit his lip, opening and closing his fist as if he was scrambling for words. Or perhaps he was just determining if he could trust her.

“It’s a reinterpretation of the ouroboros, the snake eating its own tail,” he finally said. “It symbolises eternity and the renewal of the being after rebirth.”

She traced her fingers on his skin, following the outline of the snake. “And what does your interpretation mean?”

“There is time to talk about it later,” he whispered, his teeth biting her neck and sinking lower, kissing her collarbone and her sternum, moving the fabric covering her breasts to the side.

She let go of the subject. She knew what it meant not being comfortable sharing your life.

He held one breast between his fingers, latching his mouth over the other, sucking her nipple and twirling his tongue around it.

She moaned, rolling her hips faster as he revered her bosom, the cold air hitting her moist skin and making her shiver as he took her other nipple in his mouth, lightly tugging at it until she reached the point where pleasure and discomfort mixed.

“Since we are in the mood for confessions…” she said between moans. He raised his head and looked at her waiting for her to continue. She hesitated, collecting all her courage.

“Why did you pursue me?”

His eyes softened, glimmering with fondness. He brushed a strand of hair away from her face.

“Because there is something extremely valuable in your devotion.” His voice was an intimate murmur, a confession no one else could hear.

She freezed, turning her head to the side to hide her mortification.

He took her chin, searching for her eyes until she finally gave in.

“Don’t be embarrassed, darling, I respect it, I understand it. Obsession keeps us alive, it’s what drives us.”

She swallowed the lump of embarrassment in her throat. “Do you enjoy it?”

“Being the object of the desire of such a woman? Of a witch? I do,” he replied, and he was so direct and earnest that her heart swelled.

He lifted her to sit on the sofa, sliding down on his knees on the floor and taking off his shirt and vest. She remained silent as he rolled down her tights, his lips gliding down her smooth skin. He unbuttoned her skirt and helped her out of it, tracing patterns on her inner thigh as his other hand felt her damp underwear.

She tensed, something tightening in her lower abdomen and her eyes fell down to his trousers.

He kissed the crease of the thigh, like he had done that one time at Borgin and Burkes, but this time she wasn’t letting anyone interrupt them. 

He took off her underwear, his movements deliberately slow, and kissed her everywhere, except there.

His lips felt hot on her skin, searing her flesh like she had often dreamed about, carving his way into her body the same way he had done with her mind and heart, until her entire soul was consumed by him, until he could finally close that fist and feel her in a way nobody had before. 

Her breath hitched as he delicately kissed her mound, spreading her legs apart. She leaned her head against the backrest, licking her lips with anticipation, and she couldn’t contain a whimper as he felt his tongue dragging down her slit, sweet and cruel.

He took her clit in his mouth, sucking on it as his hand splayed on her abdomen to keep her still.

She squeezed her eyes shut, overwhelmed.

“Look at me, darling,” he murmured against her folds. His breath was warm and pleasant.

She obliged, meeting his devilish grinning figure between her legs. She was incapable of looking away as he resumed his work, she didn’t want to look away. She wanted to watch him, finally allowing herself to fully indulge in him, in what he wished to do for her.

She observed his curved eyelashes, the way his perceptive eyes followed her reactions, refining his movements to please her better.

He sucked her labia and she moaned loudly, the idea of him enjoying this as much as her being exhilarating.

He threw her leg on his shoulder, resulting in her figure sliding down the cushions and him gaining better access to her. 

His tongue probed her entrance as he coated his fingers in her wetness. He slipped one finger in, working her thoroughly as she gripped his hair, keeping his head in place.

He inserted a second finger, his tongue on her clit moving accordingly to the delighted sounds she emitted.

“Tom,” she cried urgently as she tried to press herself harder against him.

He curled his fingers inside of her and her hips jolted upwards, arching her back to an uncomfortable angle as she reached her orgasm with lascivious bliss, her obscene moans matching the wet sounds he produced by licking her until she came down from her climax.

“Tom,” she said again, so breathless her voice was a raspy whisper.

“I know,” he said, kissing her leg and inhaling deeply, like he was trying to commit the moment to memory.

He brought his fingers to his mouth, licking them clean as she let her watch.

She gently pushed him onto the carpet, bracing her hands on his shoulder as she sat on top of him. The fire was burning, enveloping their almost naked figures in warm orange light, heating their already scalding skin.

She took off her blouse with quivery hands, his gaze tracing her naked form that was slowly revealing itself. She hooked her fingers into the straps of her slip, pulling it down and then getting rid of it altogether. His hands on her waist tensed as she did the same for her bra.

Her lips parted as he touched her breast with both hands, kneading the soft flesh, tracing her areolae. 

She undid his trousers, pulling down the fabric until they were both completely naked. She took him in her hand, her fingers closing tentatively around him. Her hand started sliding up and down, her pace getting quicker and more confident as moans escaped him. She brushed her thumb on his tip, her eyes admiring what was in front of her. His lips were swollen, residue of her lipstick still on them, his hair was tousled, curls falling disorderly on his forehead, his eyes heavy-lidded as he looked at her. She felt a rush of satisfaction in knowing his current state was her doing, that she had enough power over him to ruin his flawless exterior, to make him want her to do it. 

His lips caught hers and he gently pushed her hand away. 

What happened after felt like rehearsed choreography, something so familiar it was impossible to forget. Their bodies moved together, their movements responsive to each other, doing and touching exactly where it mattered.

She pushed herself up on her knees, slowly lowering herself until she sank down on him completely, shuddering breaths escaping her lips.

His jaw was tense as she placed a hand on his shoulder for support, positioning herself better.

She didn’t break eye contact as she rolled her hips, soaking in the hazy blue of his eyes, in every twitch of his jaw and emotion he was feeling as she increased her pace, in his voice murmuring her name against her ear as his hands squeezed her tights and traced her back.

Skin slapped against skin, his touch inebriating as he felt every part of her, caressing her, massaging her, kissing her until she couldn’t take it anymore. Almost.

His hand dipped between her legs again, stroking her clit as she rocked her hips, eliciting groans from both of them.

Sentiment and pleasure fused together in an exhilarating moment, seared in her mind and flesh forever.

She kissed him again - she could never get tired of that - and bit his lower lip roughly as his other hand went to her breast again, pulling at her nipple. 

She threw her head back, letting his mouth scrape over her neck and chest, leaving behind scorching wet kisses. Or perhaps those were marks reddening her skin, she didn’t particularly care.

He gripped her waist, thrusting upwards as she held onto him tighter. Her nails drew half-moons into his back and she bit his neck, the fibres of the carpet scratching her knees.

The lights in the flat fluttered momentarily.

His fingers increased the pressure on her clit as his thrusts grew in intensity with one purpose in mind. 

She bit her lip, trying to hold back, to prolong this instant of pure bliss before she inevitably plummeted onto the other side.

She arched her back, moving accordingly to his rhythm, her hips bucking erratic as she rubbed against his pelvis. 

And then she fell down, unrestrained, her walls closing around him as she moaned uncontrollably. He didn’t stop, drawing circles on her sensitive skin until her breath found a semblance of steadiness again. 

“You did so good,” he whispered against her forehead, brushing a strand of sweaty hair away.

She slumped against him, her hands grabbing onto his biceps as he chased his own pleasure, his movements turning frantic, losing his rhythm.

She found herself murmuring against his skin the same things she had never had the courage to say out loud, not even to herself. She wasn’t sure he was even listening to her, engrossed as he was, but it didn’t matter.

He squeezed her tights once and she understood, rolling to the side as he deftly touched himself, fast strokes that culminated in white spurts all over his hand. She watched him mesmerised

He turned to look at her, his chest rising and falling rapidly. The fire casted shadows on his gorgeous face. 

They stayed like that for a long moment, gazing into each other, trying to guess what the other was thinking, making sense of what remained of themselves after what had just happened.

Did it have the same momentous effect on both of them? Or was it just her that knew she couldn’t go back to being acquaintances after this?

“Do you want to stay here tonight?” she asked. Her voice sounded faint and husky to her own ears.

“I do,” he replied without a second of hesitation.

They didn’t get up, instead resting against the foot of her sofa. She curled up against him as his hand traced indistinct patterns on her skin, remaining in this haze of indiscernible unspoken feelings they were both still trying to find a name for. 

When she woke up the next morning he was gone. As she took in the cold sheets and missing clothes, her heart threatened to crack.

She got up groggily, conclusions already forming in her mind, building the most pessimistic of pictures.

She felt anxious as she wore her robe and opened the door, heading straight for the bathroom. Halfway down the corridor, the sound of someone flipping through a newspaper halted her in her steps.

She stepped into the kitchen, finding Tom sitting in a chair with his legs crossed.

“Good morning,” he said.

“Good morning,” she said back, adjusting the belt of her robe. 

She noticed he had made breakfast, a steaming coffee pot, kept warm by magic, and some pastries she had never bought waiting for her on the table. 

She turned to take a mug from a cabinet so that she could hide her smitten smile. When she closed the cabinet, she found him looking at her.

There was no need for words.

“Where did you get that?” she asked as she poured herself some coffee, referring to the newspaper. 

“I stole it from your neighbour, I hope she won’t mind.”

She laughed. “So you know how to make a joke.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

She sat next to him, crossing her legs. She perhaps needed to rethink her choice of slippers.

“You were always so serious growing up.”

She put a spoonful of sugar in her coffee. 

“That never seemed to deter you.”

“It doesn’t.”

He took a sip of his own coffee. “Good.”

“Does it deter you, knowing how I feel?”

He blinked. “It never had. It makes it more interesting if I have to be honest.”

She blushed, scared to ask the next question.

“How long have you known?”

He got up, brushing his knuckles on her cheek.

“Long enough to see you for who you truly are.” 

He bent to give her a chaste kiss. “I should go, the shop opens in half an hour.”

He put on his coat and grabbed his leather gloves from his pocket. She turned in her chair, treasuring the last few moments of him in her apartment.

“There’s still a lot you haven’t learned yet.” 

She refused to be an open book to him. There was so much about her that was still incomprehensible even to her and too much she wanted to show him on her own terms. She wanted to be enigmatic, to drive him mad.

“I know.”

Her disappointment was visible on her face as she was met with his silence. She had wanted to continue that conversation, to learn what he had observed.

Instead he opened her front door, throwing her one last glance, heavy with unsaid intention she hoped she wasn’t imagining, before leaving. 

She had almost finished her breakfast when she noticed a small note under the newspaper he had left behind. She grabbed it faster than she was willing to admit, almost knocking over her cup in the process, and unfolded it.

“Dinner tonight?

I’ll pick you up at eight.

T.R.”

the last part is a bonus scene i wanted to write to apologize for my tardiness. tom is a little different, but I hope he isn't too out of character.

i honestly had so much fun writing this short story and exploring a different tom from the one i usually read and write about. i hope you enjoyed this and thank you for reading!

[lizthewriter]

Hi! I love your fan fictions! I was wondering (First time requesting ever) if you could do a FIC for Mattheo or Theodore based on exile and the readers dealing with self hate,anxiety, autsim, adhd, Depression, and they feel so alone and push him away because the readers scared to accept her feelings and afraid she’ll get left, and no one loves or cares about her?

AUTHOR'S NOTE Oh my God, thank you so much for sending in a request! This is actually the first request I have ever received, so this is a first for us both! By exile, I'm assuming you mean the song exile by Taylor Swift. Here's a little blurb just for you anon! And thank you for the compliment, I'm glad you love my fanfics! Sending love and good vibes your way

Honestly, I tried my best with this. I've gone through depression and self-hate, and I am currently dealing with anxiety and ADHD. I don't know too much about autism, but I really tried my hardest to convey what you've requested. I hope this is satisfactory!

exile / mattheo riddle

PAIRING Mattheo Riddle x fem!Reader

SUMMARY Everything in your life feels like it's going wrong and there's nothing you can do to change it. What once brought you joy only leaves you numb. What once excited you now only bored you. What you loved only saw you as a friend.

Taking shelter in an empty classroom during a panic attack, Mattheo Riddle finds you a sobbing mess on the stone floors. You find out that he likes you more than you think he does.

TAGS Mattheo Riddle x fem!Reader, angst, hurt/comfort, self-hate, depression, anxiety, stress, ADHD, autism, exams, panic attack, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, fluff, happy ending, kissing

"All this time, / we always walked a very thin line, / you didn't even hear me out," - exile, Taylor Swift feat. Bon Iver

WORD COUNT 2.0K

WRITTEN 23.08.2023

pt. 2 here, karma

You sat in Transfiguration, leg bouncing nervously as you stared down at the test questions. You have always been a terrible test-taker - all the pressure of having to get good marks in such a limited time period and all this weight on your shoulders with the upcoming NEWT's made you more than nervous. Your brows were furrowed in both concentration and confusion. As you were gnawing on the end of your quill, McGonagall announced that it was time for you to place your quills down and pack your things. You let out a shaky sigh, placing down your quill. How could you not answer a simple question? Everyone else seemed to be finding the material easy, why couldn't you? You sat there, beating yourself up as you quickly packed your things away and left class.

You left Transfiguration by yourself and headed back to your dorm. Not only were you doing poorly in your classes, you also happened to be insanely in love with someone in your year. And, of course, you had to fall in love with the most unavailable person. Not only was he not interested in girls, he would never be interested in someone like you. I mean, why would he? What made you so special? And he has referred to you as a mate on so many occasions that if you had a nickel for every one, you'd surely be drowning in an ocean of them. Oh, and not only that, but you didn't really have friends. Most of the people you knew were dating and had at least one best friend. But you? No, you may know a variety of people but you couldn't call any of them a good friend, even. You didn't understand what you were doing wrong. Why was everyone else living happy, productive lives while you were stuck being miserable, alone, and depressed?

I mean, you lost all interest in everything. You couldn't find the joy in reading or taking walks about the grounds anymore. Your schoolwork was taking a turn for worse and you found yourself and bored and tired of your classes. Your grades were slipping, you had no friends, no partner, no nothing. Everything just felt wrong, wrong, wrong. And all you could do was sit there and blame yourself.

You knew you wouldn't be able to make it to your dorm to find the privacy to cry- you quickly ducked into the nearest room, curled up into the corner, and burst into sobs. It was all just too much and too little at the same time. You just felt like you couldn't deal with all this anymore. If you didn't deserve to be happy, than maybe you didn't deserve to be at all. Your hands bunched up into fists, lightly hitting your head at your temples. You hated your thoughts, the way your brain worked. You hated how you could think about everything all at once. You just wanted it all to stop, all to end.

You didn't hear the sounds of footsteps passing the classroom - Mattheo had only been walking by, skipping out on Potions, when he heard you. When he glanced into the classroom and saw you crying there, he couldn't help himself.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

You froze, sniffling, your chest heaving for air. You hadn't heard him and was caught off guard. Quickly, you wiped your face with the edge of your sleeve, collecting your bag from the ground and hiking it up your shoulder. "Nothing - nothing's wrong."

He ducked his head, his lips set into a thin-line as he observed you. "I'm not stupid. I can see that you're crying."

Great. Now you had offended the only person, perhaps, that even cared to talk to you for more than five minutes. He must hate you right now. Depise you. Think you to be cruel. "I didn't mean to say you were stupid." It was hard to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over the threshold. You wiped your eyes with the end of your sleeve again. Why should he care about you? He must be pitying you now, surely he would have no other reason to act so concerned. Even if he did, he would one day realize that you were never as good as he thought you.

His gaze softened, the edges of his lips curling up slightly. He approached you, raising his hand to wipe away a tear that had collected in the inner corner of your eye. "'S all right, darling. Don't cry. Just talk with me about it, hm?"

Your chest heaved as you took in a shaky breath. "W-why do you care? I'm sure you have better things to do." You let out a weak laugh, backing away from his touch. "I mean, come on, don't you have Potions right now?"

"Why do I - I care about you. Do you need a reason why?"

"Yes, I do, actually," you responded, cringing at how snarky you sounded.

Mattheo let out a sigh. "I care about you because you're beautiful, inside and out. I care about you because you make me laugh. And you make me feel better when I've had a shit day. I care about you because no one makes my heart flutter like you do." His voice got smaller as he took a step towards you, and gradually raised his hands to cup your cheeks. He drew your gaze to his eyes, those beautiful brown eyes. His expression was rather serious, as though he were trying to affirm his words. "I care about you cause you're the only person who's ever really cared about me."

You trembled beneath the soft caress of his knuckcles, meeting his eyes for a short moment before shoving him away. A brief moment of hurt echoed through his eyes as you shook your head, backing away from him. "No, no you don't. I don't. And even if you did . . . " You found your voice trailing off. You hiked the strap of your bag up your shoulder again, having slipped down your arm. "I should go. I have History of Magic soon and I don't want to be late."

Mattheo glanced at you and then down at the floor, his jaw clenched. "Fine. I won't stand in your way then."

-

You spent the majority of your time avoiding Mattheo, but you knew there'd be a day when you would run into him and you couldn't do anything about it. Today was that day, almost two weeks after the aforementioned incident.

You were curled up in the Astronomy Tower, late at night, lying on top of a blanket as you glanced up at the stars. It was perhaps the only moment of peace you had found in a while - maybe it was the whistle of wind or the glittering of the stars.

You should've known he'd be up here. He's always sneaking off places late at night, the highest points of the castle. You heard your name being called and turned around to see a surprised Mattheo. He stood but a few feet from yourself. You weren't exactly sure what to do - in your panic, you did nothing.

"Erm - may I sit down?"

You didn't say anything for a moment, drawing your legs into your chest and resting your head upon your knees. You nodded ever so slightly, glancing away from him as he plopped down next to you. His shoulder brushed up against yours and he leaned forward to try and catch your eyes, mimicking your seated position.

"Hey, I'm sorry about the other day. I should've stayed there with you . . ." His voice trailed off. He let out a sigh as he leaned back on both palms, now spraying out his legs across the blanket. He stared put at the stars, his expression neither upset nor particularly happy. "I don't think you really meant it when you said you didn't care about me. I know you do. I just want to know why you're trying to convince yourself that you don't." He paused, hesitating. "Is it because you think I don't feel the same way about you? 'Cause you can erase that thought from your mind. I like you - really, really like you. And I don't know why exactly you keep pushing me away, but I want you to know that I'm here to listen."

He bathed in your silence, not necessarily perturbed by it. He finally decided to test the waters, raising his hand to gently touch yours. He seemed fascinated with you as he ran his fingernail gently across your skin.

You didn't know whether you wanted to tell him or not. You didn't know if you could trust him. If he wouldn't just laugh in your face, call you a fool, and leave you a pitiful mess. But Salazar, did you want to spill your heart out to him. And in the mental state you were in now, coupled with your fatigue, you didn't even care anymore.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't have any friends. I'm not particularly close with my family. And everytime I did start to make a friend or - or something more, they'd just leave." You wrapped your arms tighter around your legs. "I always wondered, what's wrong with me? Do I say the wrong things? Act the wrong way? Am I really so despisable that people actively go out of their way to ignore me?" You scoffed. "Guess I must be some kind of horrible person then."

"That's not true," Mattheo said immediately, surging forward in anger. "You're an amazing person. Whoever has just left you or treated you like that, they're arseholes. I won't do that to you. Never. I don't care how many times I have to say it 'til it gets through that pretty little head of yours, I like you, I care about you, I want to make you happy . . . and if leaving you alone and pretending like I never admitted that to you makes you happy, then that's what I'll do." He waited for your response, painfully hoping for a verbal one. However, you remained silent. Mattheo felt his heart sink. "Right then. Well."

He began to push himself off the floor to get up, but you quickly grabbed his hand. "Wait!" you exclaimed in alarm, finally meeting his eyes. "I - I lied before. I do care about you. Please don't go. Please."

Mattheo sat back down with an easy-going grin, like he knew he had you right where he wanted you.

"You really like me?" You asked, both breathless and doubtful all at once.

"Do you need me to prove it to you?" His grin grew smug.

"Yes, actually."

"All right then." Mattheo raised his hand to rest under your chin, tilting your head slightly to the side so you were facing him directly. Your eyes widened as he drew closer, his eyes glancing between your eyes and your lips. Breath growing shallow, you tensed as you could feel his humid breath on your lips. "I can prove it to you right now, if you let me."

You wasted no time in smashing your lips against his, hands coming up to cup both of his cheeks. Your eyes were shut tight as you relished in the feeling of his buttery smooth lips running against yours. He was a bit more passionate tha you had expected, but he had been waiting for years to do this. And whatever his imagination could try to conjure, it was nothing compared to the real thing.

Mattheo was the one to pull away but he was soon back to give you a quick peck, sming against your lips. "You're amazing - I don't think I'll ever be leaving you after a kiss like that."

You finally grinned, a true grin, gor the first time in a long time, and brought his face back down to yours to kiss under the stars.

Thank you all for reading! Be sure to like, reblog, and comment! I really appreciate it ^^. If you have any requests, by inbox is open but make sure to check the list of characters I write for here. If you want to be tagged in any upcoming fics/headcanons of mine, let me know. If you want to see more from me, go ahead and check out my masterlist here!

[iamthat-iam]

Outer Space (another ND Story) 🌌🌠💫

Since Taylor was a child, she always wanted to go to outer space. Every time she played, she would always imagine that she was an astronaut who would fly her spaceship into the cosmos and visit other planets.

She always had an inkling that there was life outside of Earth. She used to make all kinds of alien friends, and she made sure to tell her parents about them all.

As she grew up, unfortunately she lost the spark she once had as a child. Life seemed to put her in bad situation after bad situation, and all she wanted was an escape. Her family had a history of addiction, so Taylor tried to find every resource possible so she wouldn't end up down that route.

She was introduced to a "guru," whom she went to for guidance and advice. She told him her entire life story, including the portion of her childhood where she was fascinated with outer space.

"Honestly, going to space would make me happier than anything," she admits. "It used to make me so happy as a child. Now I'm depressed because life is constantly beating me up. I just want to escape."

"Escape from what? What is here now that you need to escape from?" The guru inquired.

"My problems, my depression, just about everything.." Taylor sighed.

"Where do your problems go when you are not thinking about them? Who is depressed?" The guru questioned further.

These two questions perplexed Taylor a bit. Is there a secret answer?

"Umm.. I'm not sure how to answer the first question. The second question is obviously me... Who else would i be referring to?"

"I'll give you a hint," the guru smiled. "When I asked you 'what is here now that you need to escape from', I was pointing to this present, unfolding moment. Right now, in this room we are sitting in, your problems don't exist. Same thing with your depression. You are aware of feelings that you've labeled 'depression', but are YOU actually depressed?"

This actually made Taylor think. He does have a point. When Taylor is focused on other things throughout the day, and not her problems, they don't seem to exist in that moment. Something clicked about her depression as well. This whole time she was assigning a negative meaning to feelings that actually have no meaning at all?

"So what you're saying is, I've just accepted a narrative about myself that's not really true outside of me accepting it as true?" Taylor asked.

The guru clapped and gave Taylor a wide grin. "You are absolutely correct! Now let's go deeper. You said you always dreamed of going to outer space as a child. When you described this experience, you spoke as if it didn't really happen, or it was fictional. Tell me what is more 'realistic' about our conversation versus the 'daydreams' you had as a child."

Another mind-boggling question from this guru. Taylor hesitated a moment before she gave her answer. "Well I'm experiencing this conversation with the 5 senses, doesn't that make it more real?"

The guru shook his head. "Have you ever noticed during your dreams at night, the 5 senses work the exact same way as when you're awake? The 5 senses can't possibly be the culprit that makes one experience "more real" than another. Have you noticed that there is a common denominator between all experiences, whether it's the waking state, sleep, daydreaming, or visualizing? What is always present during all of this?"

This gave Taylor an a-ha moment. "I'm always present during all of these experiences! So does that mean one experience is not more real than the other, because I'm always aware during it all?"

"Absolutely," the guru stated matter-of-factly. "This means that your experiences in outer space where you made alien friends are just as 'real' as this conversation we're having now."

This was enough to bring Taylor to tears. She couldn't believe she created a barrier between herself and her "desires" as if she was seperate from them. The friends she made and all the wonderous experiences in outer space were real events that actually happened. But she took her suffering to be real, and has been torturing herself for years for no reason!

"I... Don't know what to say except thank you.." Taylor uttered through tears. "You've given me life-changing advice today. How can I repay you?"

The guru gently held Taylor's hands. "You don't owe me a thing. I am just you pointing you back to yourself. Now enjoy your dream. I'm sure your alien friends miss you."

And so Taylor visited her alien friends once more, making up for lost time. She is finally enjoying the freedom she longed for her whole life.

[im-in-a-love-cult]

Remus Lupin x Trans male! reader whos time of the month line up headcanons

Platonic//romantic

Call me cringe idc but I've been x male reader starved 💔

ALSO, HOW DO Y'ALL DO THE GIF STRIP THINGS FOR WHEN THE STORY STARTS BECAUSE I SEARCHED STRIP IN GIFS FORGETTING THERES ANOTHER KIND OF STRIP 😨😨😨

Cuddles.

He tries to be so gentle with you but its hard when he's so on edge :(

He's covered in ice packs while you have a hot water bottle

You two don't talk a lot because you know youre both too emotional

Sirius actually being nice to you both??

You tracing his werewolf scars and him tracing your top surgery scars if you've had the surgery

You literally draw stars around eachothers scars (Taylor Swift reference)

Honestly you both just sleeping

Lily comforting you the entire full moon because youre too uncomfortable to help Remus and the rest of the Marauders :((

Feasting on every chocolate in sight

Taking turns massaging eachother 💀💀

You feeling guilty because he's a werewolf and what youre going through is normal but him being like

"Reader if you don't shut up accept we're both in a lot of pain right now i will kick you off this bed. Wait- no, love i didnt mean it-"

You wearing his jumpers and him adoring it

"Is that mine? No, keep it on, i like it better on you"

When you get random surges of pain he immediately lays you down on your back and kisses you while holding the hot water bottle to your stomach

When he gets random surges of pain he likes when you massage him, caress him and hug him

Gender dysphoria x werewolf who doesnt want to be a werewolf is not fun

WAIT OBVIOUSLY JK ROWLING DOESNT LIKE TRANS PEOPLE BUT IN FANFICS WHEN REMUS EXPRESSES HOW MUCH HE HATES BEING A WEREWOLF THAT COULD BE USED AS A METAPHOR FOR GENDER DYSPHORIA?? OH MY GOD??

Moral of the story, two very sad boys who love eachother

[prismatic-bell]

This is probably a really dumb question. But is it okay for us non-Jewish people to reblog the very lovely quote about how it's okay not to complete the work, but we're not allowed to abandon it? Because I'm not Jewish, I follow you, and b/c of your posts I've been seeing how really shitty we non-Jews are w/assimilation and stuff, & I don't want to do wrong by anybody. Thanks, Marbles

OKAY SO.

As with all things Jewish, there’s a short answer and there’s a good answer. There also is no “right” answer, because “two Jews, three opinions” is an underestimation of how many opinions you can fit into one Jew, but this is MY answer, and I think a decent chunk of Jews will probably find it at least mostly acceptable.

For those just tuning into this program, the quote @marblesarelost is referring to is my favorite in all of Judaism, and was written by Rabbi Tarfon in a section of Talmud called the Pirkei Avot:

“Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Walk humbly NOW! Do justly NOW! No one is obligated to complete the work, but neither may any one desist from it.”

The “work” being spoken of is to repair the world, or in Hebrew, “tikkun olam.” It’s the central tenet of my movement in Judaism, the Reform movement.

So: you are absolutely correct that there’s a huge problem with gentiles appropriating things from Judaism. However, let’s go back to the original, actual definition of cultural appropriation, as created by Black women: it’s not just that you do a thing we do. It’s that you mock or berate us for a thing, then turn around and take that thing, strip it of all its original meaning, and use it, and suddenly in your hands it’s “cool.” When the concept of cultural appropriation first fell onto my radar circa 2016, one of the major examples was dreadlocks, and how clean, well-kept locs on a Black woman are “unprofessional” and “dirty” but the kind-of-vaguely-looks-like-locs-if-you-get-drunk-and-squint deliberately-created MATS some white people wear and call “locs” are seen as a sign you’re “boho” or “a free spirit.” This was closely followed by discussion of bindis, and how they’re treated with disdain when worn by Indian women but Taylor Swift or Ariana Grande puts one on and suddenly they’re sooooooo chic.

(Yes, in an ironic twist you couldn’t put in a book because people would call it unrealistic, the very concept of cultural appropriation has been appropriated.)

So with the actual, this-is-what-the-Black-community-meant definition in front of you for reference, take a look at these questions. These are rhetorical—anybody with the degree of self-awareness to say “I don’t know if this thing from a closed religion is for me” is probably not doing any of this. It’s just here for reference.

—do you see a problem with “Christian Seders” or do you think Jews should be flattered other people are interested, geez, it’s not like we’re being murdered?

—do you make fun of people wearing skullcaps/kippot/yarmulkes, or do you recognize it’s cultural garb?

—do you get all weird and pissy over the major Jewish holiday season being in fall rather than in winter?

—do you conflate Jews with Israel or do you recognize that these are two separate groups with some overlap?

—do you make fun of Orthodox clothing and hairstyles?

If you can honestly say “no, I realize this is a culture of its own and things I don’t understand aren’t necessarily ‘wrong’ or ‘weird,’ just different,” you’re in a good position to share Jewish voices.

HERE IS WHERE THE CURVEBALL COMES IN.

This quote is from Talmud.

And unlike things like, say….talking about a Seder you were invited to, or saying “may you be sealed” to a Jewish friend on Yom Kippur, the Talmud is not semi-closed, it’s *closed.* People study Talmud all their lives in the hope of gaining even a small glimmer of understanding. It has to be studied in the context of being well-versed in Torah and Jewish interpretation, because removing it from that context renders it entirely incomprehensible.

WITH THAT SAID.

I think this is one of the few places in Talmud where there is, at a bare minimum, a surface understanding that’s applicable to everyone. Certainly Rabbi Tarfon’s words carry additional weight with the force of Jewish learning and tradition behind them, but I’m pretty sure if you could sit down with him and say “Rabbi, your words inspired me to keep fighting for my community. When I was ready to give up your words reminded me I wasn’t alone, that anything I do in the interest of pushing forward justice and equality is a net positive, and I was able to keep going. I’m a gentile. Is it okay that I take this from your words?” he’d almost certainly be like “yes??? As you say, it’s a net positive, so why wouldn’t I be okay with you gleaning this?” It’s slightly different from a lot of Talmudic commentary in that it applies to the mitzvot of things like tikkun olam and pikuach nefesh, but these things can also be done outside the Jewish community without any reference to Torah at all. You can pay for a homeless person’s dinner and that’s tikkun olam. You can take a CPR class and that’s pikuach nefesh (or at least, preparing yourself to commit an act thereof, should it be necessary). You aren’t doing those things as mitzvot, because you’re a gentile—you’re doing them because you think they’re the right thing to do—but that doesn’t mean “don’t overwhelm yourself by trying to do it all, but don’t just give up either” isn’t good advice. We don’t call him one of our greatest sages because he was an idiot. Is there plenty more below the surface? Oh, for sure. Does that make the surface reading wrong? Not necessarily.

So: 99.999999% of the time, I would say you should not reblog Talmudic quotes. They’re not going to be relevant to you or your life experience and you’ll lack the background knowledge to interpret them.

But this one, specifically? Yeah. I’d say this one is okay. Make sure it’s sourced to Rabbi Tarfon and the Pirkei Avot/Ethics of the Father, or to the Talmud.

And then go forth, and do justly now, and remember: you can’t finish the work alone. But you also don’t have the right to walk away.

Okay, fellow Jews, time for a pie fight in the comments. Have fun.

[monstrousgourmandizingcats]

ik the post was from like a week ago but would like to hear your thoughts on jackie and the prescription drug thing because it really isnt discussed!

Absolutely. Jackie has prooooblems and I really wish they were more openly talked about in the fandom.

So there are at least three references to Jackie abusing prescription drugs in canon. I forget what the third is (I might be misremembering it but I'm pretty sure it's there), but the first two are in "Pilot" and "Blood Hive". The reason why Shauna is asleep during the flight is that Jackie has given her Valium, a benzo (its generic name is diazepam) that in the 70s through 90s was commonly prescribed for anxiety and to an extent still is. What's remarkable about this is the casual way everyone involved treats it; this is consistent in how Shauna and Jackie themselves talk about Jackie's drug use, but the scene also establishes that even Jackie's mother doesn't seem to see any need to monitor her teenage daughter's access to her pills. As Jackie puts it, "Swiped these from my mom's medicine cabinet. Valium. She's got, like, a never-ending supply, so I doubt she'll even notice."

A series of questions already arises here, all of which the show is fascinatingly uninterested in answering, possibly because the screenwriters share Shauna and Jackie's flippant attitude (which is generational, as I'll discuss below) but, I think, likely also because what's implied about the Taylor household here is more disturbing if it's not spelled out. Why does Mrs. Taylor have that much of a med lying around at all times? Has Jackie taken the Valium before? If so, why and how often? (Does she, perhaps, use it to get through sex acts with Jeff?)

The second time this comes up is in the scene in which Shauna and Jackie are discussing their respective Wilderness skills as Shauna butchers one of Nat and Travis's first quarries. Almost everyone in the fandom has favorite bits of this scene, which is full of fantastic Shaunajackie lines and moments, so it's surprising to me that this isn't discussed more, but again, the breathtakingly casual delivery probably goes some way towards distracting the viewer from what's actually being communicated. (It could also be that the line in question here comes immediately before "Wowza, Shipman," which understandably steals the show):

Shauna: Remember when Kiffy Schumacher broke her arm right before we were supposed to go to Whipsplash River, and you told her that if she shared her Percocet, we'd all crash bingo at the Elks Lodge instead? Jackie: Wait. Is this a pep talk? Wowza, Shipman. Wow, that is so not your style.

Uh. Girls? You okay there? "Poppin' Percs" is something Kendrick Lamar accused Drake of earlier this month. The company that makes this drug is currently being pounded in court by the Attorneys General of Ohio, Mississippi, Missouri, New York, and possibly other states too since the last time I checked. You're talking about like it's Pez.

Percocet is a mixture of oxycodone, which is an opioid, and paracetamol, which is a common over-the-counter painkiller (it's called acetaminophen in the US and a few other countries; it's the active ingredient in Tylenol and Panadol). Unlike Valium, oxy is something I've been on in the past--I, like Kiffy Schumacher, had a badly fucked-up arm a few years ago--so I can speak to how it's currently treated in American medical culture. You're given a very small amount of it at once, you pace yourself taking it and alternate it with over-the-counter painkillers unless absolutely necessary, and if you have any left over when you decide you no longer need it, which I did, you surrender whatever pills you still have on you to the police. I know that the current widely accepted view on drug control is that it's wildly overdone in the US, and I agree with that for the most part, but in this case the tight controls on this sort of painkiller are a regulation that was written in blood. And the opioid epidemic is still ongoing; in fact, in some ways it's worse, since people are using black-market opioids now that are even more dangerous than oxy and its ilk.

I do want to stress that Jackie's pattern of drug use isn't unusual for a teenager; in fact, it's pretty classic. "Adolescents....most commonly reported receiving prescription[s] for free from a friend or relative, although significant proportions of adolescents also used their own prescriptions, purchased drugs from a dealer, or took them from friends or family without asking." (The article linked cites data taken in 2006, when the prescription drug abuse epidemic on whose upward slope Jackie lives had plateaued.) I also want to clarify that the cavalier attitude Shauna and Jackie have towards prescription drugs isn't unique to this category of substances; teenagers in the 1990s were much more blasé about controlled substances in general than they are today, and adolescent prescription drug abuse has declined less than most other categories:

(Note the especially massive drop-off in adolescent cigarette use after the turn of the millennium. Lottie in her kinderwhore-meets-Empire Records party outfit diffidently holding a cig is very much an image from the past these days. And yet this isn't entirely a success story; adolescents who are still engaging in substance abuse are OD'ing a lot more than they were thirty years ago.)

I don't really have a conclusion here, because I just want to encourage the fandom to discuss this aspect of Jackie's character, not necessarily to adopt any particular narrativization or interpretation of it. This, then, is the basics on Jackie and prescription drugs. Poor girl.

[seeminglyranch87]

Taylor & Travis Timeline

April 2024 - Part 1

April 1 - iHeart Radio Music Awards (x)

Taylor won the following iHeart Awards for 2024

Artist of the Year

Pop Artist of the Year

Tour of the Year

Best Lyrics - Is It Over Now

TikTok Bop of the Year - Cruel Summer

Favorite Tour Style

Taylor accepted these awards remotely

April 2 - Travis speaks to People promoting Kelce Jam music festival (x)

Kelce, 34, tells PEOPLE, "I'm the happiest I've ever been. I'm a guy that some people say is glass half full, half empty, and my glass is all the way full. It's all the way full." "I'm oozing life right now,"

"It's just so much fun getting into when you win the Super Bowl, all these doors open, and so I've just been going through all these open doors, experiencing life and just appreciating the people that have got me here and also staying high and meeting new faces."

"It doesn't feel like there's much chill in my life. Everything seems to be full throttle and just moving at the speed of light, and that's how I kind of like it. I like it to be up pace. I like to have just exciting things going on. And sure enough, I'm out here in the entertainment world trying to dabble into that before I get back locked in on football and knowing that that's going to be my focus until I'm done playing."

"But to dabble around in the entertainment space is something that I'm really interested in, it's just going to be an amazing opportunity to get out in front of Kansas City and just celebrate the Super Bowl win one more time." Travis says referring to Kelce Jam.

ETonline release 8 minute interview with Travis (x)

Speaking of his trip to the Bahamas with Taylor Travis says "t's just a lovely place down there isn't it you can get it all down there, all the love in the world 

"you make it all work is it just you prioritize what's important yeah I mean I think we're both very career driven, I think we both love what we do and you know any chance that I can you know show my support to her and knowing that she's shown me all the support in the world throughout the season it's just been an amazing experience you know getting to know Tay"

Travis spoke to Associated Press (x)

"The only thing I can learn from [Taylor] that translates into how I can perform is just how relatable she is on stage. She’s very comfortable. She brings everybody into the room with her. She makes it an intimate setting even though there’s 70,000 people at every show. It’s pretty impressive.”

Travis speaks with The Hollywood Reporter (x)

You’re producing your second festival and taking part in the live music space, while Taylor Swift put on one of the biggest live music events of all time last year with her Eras Tour. Did you learn anything from watching her do that? (Laughs.) I did: Don’t try and be Taylor, that’s what I learned. Yeah, she’s on a whole other stratosphere. She’s the best at what she does for a reason. It’s because she’s so articulate and just very dialed into every single thing that she does. And that’s the beauty of it. I’d be silly if I ever tried to take anything from what she does, other than just enjoy the people that show up. I think that’s one thing I could probably take away: She really relates to the people she’s performing in front of, and so I’ll take that. Her four-hour concert is not easy to do … It’s impressive.

April 3 - New Heights Ep. 84 airs with special guest Arnold Schwarzenegger. Jason & Travis Kelce film episode in LA after flying in from Philadelphia together with Taylor.

April 4 - Are You Smarter Than A Celebrity filmed in LA - Travis confirmed to host

TikTok - waitress who served Travis over the weekend in Ohio shares that Travis knows all 300 Taylor Swift songs in sweet interaction (x)

April 5 - Are You Smarter Than A Celebrity day 2 filming in LA - Travis to host.

Taylor promotes her up coming album The Tortured Poets Department according to Billboard (x)

The two week countdown to 'The Tortured Poets Department' is on — and to celebrate, Taylor Swift unveiled five new playlists featuring songs from her first 10 albums representing a distinct phase of heartbreak. ⁠ ⁠ Four of the playlists are named after the taglines of previously announced deluxe editions: “I Love You, It’s Ruining My Life," “You Don’t Get to Tell Me About Sad,” “Am I Allowed to Cry?” and “Old Habits Die Screaming." The fifth one is dubbed “I Can Do It With a Broken Heart” after one of the song titles on 'Tortured Poets.' ⁠ ⁠ Each playlist also features a voice note in which Swift speaks about her personal experiences with each phase, inspired by the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.⁠

Just checking in, how is everyone?

Are You Smarter Than A Celebrity filmed in LA - Travis is host

April 8 - Taylor reveals lyrics to TTPD (x)

Perfectly timed with the solar eclipse - personal photo taken on iPhone today - USA

Are You Smarter Than A Celebrity filmed in LA - Travis is hosting

April 9 - Are You Smarter Than A Celebrity filmed in LA - Travis is host

Travis & Taylor papped driving in LA (x)

April 10 - New Heights Ep. 85 airs with guest Dave "Lil Dicky" talking about Travis dating Taylor (x)

1:16:50 (x)

LD: how you guys doing with all this? Travis beams; "I'm having a blast in life baby, just flying high, enjoying it all!" Lil Dicky says "your most popular Popstar and beloved musician somehow met your most popular beloved athlete and they actually fell in love..." Travis replies "I don't know how I did it because she does not, she wasn't into sports so I don't know how the f**k I did it? Lil Dicky responds "well you did it because you said you called her out on..." Travis answers "I know exactly how I did it!"

Are You Smarter Than A Celebrity filmed in LA - Travis is host.

April 11 - New Heights podcast recorded live with Jason & Travis Kelce at Nippert Stadium, Cincinnati, Ohio

Travis dances to Shake It Off and tells the audience this is one of his favourite songs, Jason says it's Wyatt's favourite too (x)

April 12 - Are You Smarter Than A Celebrity filmed in LA - Travis confirmed to host

Taylor & Travis seen leaving Sushi Park restaurant - LA

April 13 - Taylor posts (x) with lyrics “I wish I could un-recall how we almost had it all.”

The photo reveals that Aaron Dessner is a collaborator.

Travis & Taylor attend Day 2 of Coachella. They are first seen side stage for Bleachers with Jack Antonoff then escorted to the pit for Ice Spice and others through out the night. (x x x x x) Taylor is wearing a New Heights cap

April 14 - Taylor releases another clue in the lyrics of Peace - CONDUCT on Apple Music.

April 17 - New Heights Ep. 86 airs. Jason & Travis Kelce talk about experiencing Coachella (01:07:50) (x)

Jason "we know who you went with, we saw the pictures. All right we know who you went with"

Travis "She's [Taylor] supporting the New Heights"

Jason "Big New Heights supporter - yeah sold out of the green hat real quick"

Travis "It's a good color green"

Jason "How was Coachella different? I expected you guys to be backstage like mostly with the musicians right but it seemed like you guys are in the crowd?"

Travis "I'd like to see it front from the fans perspective like the people that actually cuz I am a fan of music I'm a fan of live shows. I want to see it from the front of the stage. We probably could have finessed it that way but I think it's just that much more of an experience if you're in the uh if you're in the pit man if you're in the the madness with all the uh all the fans. It was awesome though."

Go to previous update -> March 2024 part 3

Go to next update -> April 2024 part 2

Return to the timeline

[not-scared-of-microwaves]

The Tortured Poets Department Review

Now that I've sat with it for a few days, I actually have some coherent thoughts on TTPD, though I won't know where it falls in my overall rankings for a while.

Overall

The thing people aren't getting is that this is Taylor Swift. This is, quite honestly, one of the most quintessentially Taylor albums she's ever released. It has the lyricism of Folklore, the sensibilities of Evermore, the self-awareness of Reputation, the storytelling of Fearless, the specificity of Debut and Speak Now, the vagueness and metaphors of 1989, the synths of Midnights, the rawness of Red. It's American Gothic. It's fictional. It's nonfiction. It's confessional, it's scathing, it's cringe, it's clever, it's more than a little crazy.

She admitted things in this album you couldn't waterboard out of me. People say it's the most unlikeable she's been, but it's also the most human. She's not censoring herself to keep her likeability. That's brave.

Fortnight [feat. Post Malone]

Do I like it? Yes. Do I think it should have been the album opener and the lead single? No, probably not. I'm planning on doing a track by track breakdown later, so I'm not going to go in depth on the lyrics here, but there are some interesting metaphors. You can tell she thinks she's slaying the "I want to kill her" line, and while she is, I don't think she's serving as much as she thinks. A vibe. On my playlist but not on repeat. 7/10

The Tortured Poets Department

The title track. This should have been the opener and lead single. It makes a much better mission statement for what this album is than Fortnight does. Who's gonna hold you like Taylor Swift? No fucking body. The production is.... twinkly? for lack of a better word. She's being specific and metaphorical, making cultural references, and she's self-aware--this is Taylor Swift, people. A vibe. Not on repeat, but only because I have others I prefer, not because I don't love it. 9/10

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

It's a metaphor, it's tongue in cheek, it's self-aware, it's heartbreaking, it's a bop. She knows the relationship is toxic and killing her, but it wasn't always, and so she keeps holding on hoping it will go back to the way it started. At the end, she accepts that it won't be going back. Lyricism? Peak. Beat? Peak. On repeat. 10/10

Down Bad

Incredibly real and human. She's reflecting on the feelings of being love bombed then left behind, how it feels so good until it really, really doesn't. A call back to New Romantics. The lyrics say sob, the beat says dance. 10/10 on loop.

So Long London

A track five. Does it live up to the name? I'm not sure. It's sad, certainly, but it doesn't have the rawness of All Too Well or My Tears Ricochet. It's more resigned and tired. She's accepted that the relationship has fallen apart and now she's just tired, frustrated, and ready to be done. Even if she's sad, she still has some control, and that makes it a little easier. Drags on a little long for me, but the flip of "so long" is definitely clever, and she has some very relatable lyrics, and I see the purpose to it being on the album. 7/10.

But Daddy I Love Him

Love Story's older sibling. Again, I won't get too into it bc I want to do a breakdown. She's self-aware but it doesn't help because she's just desperate to make her own decisions. Calling out conservatives and small-town churches. Cringe in places but that's our girl. Minus a point for the baby lyric being in the chorus instead of like. the bridge. Half a point back bc you SHOULD have seen my face. 9.5/10.

Fresh Out The Slammer

This has some juicy information, but I'll save that for the breakdown. Very metaphorical, but also specific enough we know what's going on. Excellent story-telling. Really brings us into the headspace she was in at the time. I don't have it on repeat but through no fault of it's own. 10/10.

Florida!!! [feat. Florence and the Machine]

Flop. The drug metaphor isn't that creative and while there are a few decent lyrical moments, it's just not that good and the soundscape isn't interesting enough to redeem it. That said, even a bad taylor swift song is better than a lot of other artists. 5/10.

Guilty As Sin?

I don't think I've ever heard a song approaching this issue (emotional infidelity) in this way. It's got all the hallmarks of a Taylor Swift song: pop culture references, references to her past discography, religious symbolism, an outro that matches the intro. It's painfully honest, unapologetic, and human. A bop. 10/10.

Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?

Mad Woman and Mirrorball are shaking in their boots. It's giving horror, it's giving Salem Witch Trials, it's giving a reflection on fame and its effects. It's terrifying, it's haunting, it's beautiful, it's heartbreaking, it's unhinged. 10/10 doesn't feel like high enough.

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

We're at the saloon and I'm happy to be there. Another song that is quintessentially Taylor: country sensibilities, religious themes, self-awareness, story telling, change in the outro, bad decisions made out of love. Not my favorite but only because I like other songs better, not because I don't like it. 9/10.

loml

This may be the saddest song she's ever written. Two meanings to "loml" as there should be. She's heartbroken and it's breaking me too. Vocals are giving "I'm on the verge of tears." Story telling, religious themes, metaphors. It's scathing, it's haunting, it's confessional. I'm not crying you are. 10/10.

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart

Lyrics are giving heartbreak, sound is giving bop. So powerful and relatable. Excellent storytelling, and tells us so much about her headspace. We know exactly what she's talking about. It's giving Youre On Your Own Kid. 10/10.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

The storytelling, imagery, details--all peak Taylor. It's scathing, it's haunting, it's Taylor Fucking Swift. Wild to me that Mattie Healy's family listened to the album and were relieved because it could have been worse when this was in it. This, the take town of the century, could have been worse. Legendary. 10/10.

The Alchemy

If one more person tries to claim this is about Travis Kelsey there will be blood. "Oh but the football metaphor--" she's been doing that for years. Miss Americana, anyone? She's weirdly obsessed with high school football. This isn't about Travis, it's clearly about a rekindled relationship, not a new one. Travis can't spell "heroine" (I don't think he's stupid, but his tweets have proven he cannot spell). Metaphorical, clever, and definitely tells us her mindset. A bop. 9/10.

Clara Bow

This song. The Lucky One, Nothing New, they're both shaking in their boots. A reflection on what it's like to be a pop culture woman, the lies they tell you, and the promises they pull from you. Taylor saying her own name in a song. AND it's the album closer. 10/10 isn't nearly good enough.

Extended Album

The Black Dog

The storytelling, the way she took a single moment of stalking her ex and turned it into a beautiful lament on what it's like to lose someone and imagine what they're doing now, then in the outro brought it back to that one instant--and people say she can't write. Religious themes, references to past songs, this has it all. 10/10

imgonnagetyouback

Before people go around accusing her of copying Olivia Rodrigo, this would have been written before Get Him Back came out, so no copying occurred on anyone's part. They each took the concept and turned it into two very different songs. Imagery, story telling, craziness, a BRIDGE. 9/10.

The Albatross

Story telling, metaphors, literary references, clever turns of phrase, a change of meaning in the outro. Either a reflection on the way she's frequently depicted or is fictional, most likely a reflection on the way she's depicted through a fictional character. Just feels a little distant to me. 8/10

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

Heartbreak, metaphors, bisexuals--what more can I ask for? All while she's imagining her ex moving on and thinking about how it fell apart. Objectively good but just not that interesting to me. 7/10

How Did It End?

Another that's objectively good but just not clicking for me. Story telling, metaphors, the lyricism is slaying. Asking how it ended through the lens of a gossip uninvolved in the relationship, but not being sure how it ended herself. 7/10.

So High School

Glitter gel pen. Objectively, not that creative or interesting. It's just a bit of fun. She's not taking herself seriously, she's writing silly song about how she feels like a silly teenager in love, and it does have some interesting lyrics. It's a bop. You know Travis heard this and was like "this is great babe I love it." Objectively, like a six, but this song has a choke hold on me for some fucking reason. 9/10.

I Hate It Here

Everyone's talking about the racists lyric and I swear reading comprehension is gone. Piss on the poor. This is for the girlies who daydream 'too much', who devoured books in middle school, who took things to seriously and too literally. 10/10.

thanK you aIMee

This song is so funny to me. "Here's thirty songs about my mental state and btw fuck Kim K." Serving metaphor, lyricism, and homicide. A mythology reference. A scathing takedown. 8/10 an icon.

I Look In People's Windows

I've not seen nearly enough people talking about this one. It's so relatable, honest, and unhinged. Storytelling, imagery, wondering what if. Heartbreak. I've never heard a song take this approach to these emotions. 9/10.

The Prophecy

The desperation, the feeling of hopelessness, they hit hard. She's reflecting on the repeating patterns of lost relationships, and how it feels inevitable at this point, and how she's willing to beg for it. She's losing hope, and willing to do just about anything to have it again. 10/10 devestating.

Cassandra

I am a mythology nerd at heart, so using Cassandra as a metaphor was a guaranteed way to get me obsessed with a song. She's serving lyricism, story telling, imagery, metaphor, mythology references, anger, sadness, what more could I ask for? Heart breaking. 10/10

Peter

Literature references, lyrics, heartbreak. Objectively, it's very good, but I'm bored. 7/10.

The Bolter

Storytelling, imagery, lyrics, literature references, the Bolter serves it all. I'm not entirely sure what it's about but it's a bop. I think it's fictional, but it's Taylor reflecting on her own life through the lens of this fictional girl. 9/10

Robin

I. Don't care. It's probably got great lyrics or something but I skip before I'm through the first verse because I'm just bored. Sonically, boring. Lyrically, the first verse doesn't redeem it. I've listened all the way through once and it was enough for me. It's not egregious, it's just not interesting. Flop. 4/10.

The Manuscript

I also skip this one but I have more of an appreciation for it than I do for Robin, just because of the subject matter. I have my theories on what it's about *cough* All Too Well Ten *Cough*. I like this as an album closer as well. French press lyric kills me. 7/10.

[doctor-ciel]

Man though, because L's whole arc regarding shinigami is so fascinating but I've never seen anyone talk about it, although I'm sure people do.

Because like, what did he think was going on? When he first started the case, what did he think was going on? Probably something similar to what the people at the ICPO meeting were talking about, that someone had elaborately put things together so that they could remotely give their victims heart attacks. Crazy and elaborate, but possible.

But then they're able to kill Lind L. Taylor, so however they do it doesn't require any sort of physical tampering on Kira's part. They can just do it on command with anyone, anywhere.

We the audience know that it's something supernatural, but how soon does L accept that? I don't imagine very quickly. I'm not even sure how soon he'd even entertain the idea. Compare how he talks about finding out how they kill during the broadcast (playful) versus how he talks about shinigami once he knows he's dealing with them (afraid). I think at that point he still thinks that it's some sort of advanced technology.

Light's experiments make it undeniable, though, by controlling his victims' actions before they die. Plus the message he leaves for him, "L, do you know?", would have definitely caught his attention because at that point the thing L would've wanted to know the most is how Kira kills. Then the next message is "gods of death," his only hint at what the answer to the question is. The nonsense last message trolls him for ever having taken the messages seriously, but this still means that even if he has to second-guess himself, he now has shinigami on his mind.

This itself causes a huge change in L as a character. He has to change how he thinks about the world, his line of work, everything really in order to solve the case. This also means humbling himself to the fact that he was wrong about something, and is now in unfamiliar territory. Or, alternatively, that if it turns out this isn't something supernatural, that he was crazy enough to think that it was. Either way, he can't come out of this with the same view of himself he had before of being someone who was always right.

This is why he reacted the way he did when Misa's broadcast mentioned shinigami, even though I do think his reaction was overblown for drama (and this is coming from someone who is actually willing to suspend my disbelief for most of death note's dramatic moments, yes even the potato chip scene). But it makes sense for him to be scared, because it is now the second time shinigami have shown up in relation to Kira's power, and it's from a second unrelated person.

And I love the look he gives Light when he says that "shinigami" is probably a code word. Because on the one hand, L was probably thinking the same thing, that "shinigami" could have been a reference to the supernatural nature of Kira's powers rather than the actual explanation for them. But on the other hand, at this point he strongly suspects Light, so to me the look he gives him means something along the lines of "of course you would say that." His prime suspect trying to divert attention away from a shocking part of the second Kira's broadcast is going to be a little suspicious.

This is also the first time he's shared his shinigami idea, and he got pushback against it from the rest of the task force. That's going to add to the self-doubt. And yes, he says he agrees with them that they're not real, but this wouldn't be the first time that he's said something to go along with everyone else while silently still holding his own conclusions.

This is also part of why he fell into a slump after Light and Misa lost their memories. It wasn't just that he had turned out to be wrong (as I've pointed out here he's long since been doubting himself and grappling with the new revelation that he can be wrong about things), although having been wrong about Light and Misa as well as everything else does contribute to the loss of motivation. To me, though, it mostly has to do with the fact that it has just become clear to him that no matter what he does, there is only so much he can do to try and work against forces that are beyond his comprehension, let alone control. He doesn't know where to begin in salvaging the investigation because he doesn't even know what is happening. He says he's depressed because he was wrong, but he also says that he knows for certain that, even if they aren't right now, Light and Misa were Kira. This means his slump comes from not being able to prove it, and from being wrong about Kira's power.

At this point his theory is that the power transferred away from them and to someone else, and that they possibly lost their memory too (or else they are acting). Because you know, why not? Can you imagine L making a theory like this at the start of the show? The fact that he is making a theory like this in seriousness shows how much he's changed, what he's willing to believe, and also how willing he is to be wrong (because you can't tell me that he thinks the theory has any concrete supporting evidence besides "fuck it, anything goes at this point"). He has now fully thrown himself into the school of thought that everything that is happening is supernatural and beyond his control.

So now that they're in murky waters of what is possible... what about that shinigami theory? He feels it's safe enough again to bring it up around the others while they watch Higuchi in the car. This time, it makes even more sense than during Misa's broadcast. Higuchi's clearly talking to somebody that they can't see. And now L is on the path again to being right about something for once.

Then he holds the Death Note in his hands and is totally, absolutely vindicated. And he is not scared to look at the shinigami. Everyone else screams when they see Rem, but L has been thinking about shinigami for a long time. Whether or not they exist has come to represent to him if his ideas can be trusted or not, so to see one now he's actually happy.

And then there are the rules in the notebook. The thing about the rules is that they give clear-cut, hard rules about what can and can't be done with it, which is exactly the kind of stability that L has been missing for a long time in the investigation, the kind of thing that could determine once and for all, with hard evidence, whether or not Light and Misa were ever Kira. Light was banking on that, knowing how L works and that not only would he not question rules like that, he would want them to be true in order to have that stability.

But L has changed a lot. He only had his whole theory about shinigami in the first place because he was willing to consider impossible things. This whole time he'd been struggling to believe in a theory that no one else wanted to entertain. While the others are discussing the 13 day rule, L is stacking a tower of containers, coming closer and closer to putting the pieces together and saying what he's thinking. What if...

If they're dealing with supernatural forces, they can't know anything for certain about it. He knows that better than anyone, he's spent his whole arc coming to terms with the fact that he does not and probably never will fully understand what he's dealing with. Therefore, they have no way to know for sure that those rules are real. If he could believe shinigami exist, he can entertain the possibility that the rules are fake. And if it is a possibility, then Light and Misa aren't cleared, at least not to him, and they could still be investigated.

But he stops right before finishing the tower - before finishing his thought. He lets them go. I think this was done partly because he gave in to the stability the rules gave him, but also partly because of pressure from the rest of the task force. I could write a meta about how they actually peer pressure him into doing things a number of times, but that's for another day.

He's back to doubting himself again, which becomes especially clear in the scene on the roof. "I'm sorry. Nothing I say makes any sense anyway. If I were you, I wouldn't believe any of it." (In the sub he says "please don't believe any of it," which is even more interesting. Like he's asking Light not to go mad like he has)

He's proven right in the end though, right as he dies. It's a very satisfying end to his story. He changes from someone who always knew he was right, to being afraid of the things he didn't know, to adapting and allowing himself to work with the unknown, and being rewarded with validation that he was right all along, despite everything.

I also think it's fitting that his last words are "the shiniga-". "Shinigami" was the last word he ever said, showing how he was trying to understand them up until his death; but he gets cut short, showing how he never had the chance to learn everything about them, or even to test the 13 day rule. If you really want to stretch you could say that trying to learn about and understand shinigami and the death note is what got him killed. On the other hand, though, the fact that he was in a situation where he was able to understand what was happening, and say the words "the shinigami" and know what and who he's talking about, is a testament to how much progress he made in the investigation while he was alive.

All of this is to say that Death Note is actually a cosmic horror story from L's point of view.

[lauvra]

I didn't do a lot today, hence the paragraphs about an 'empty room', but I quite enjoy sitting here and attempting to detail my boring days, so I will. Last night I reorganised my entire bedroom, made a coffee way too late in the evening to get it done and struggled to sleep but got into bed relatively early for me and imagined what I'd say to a room full of strangers about my week. My housemate gave me a second monitor so that when I sit at my desk now, I can move programs around more easily and write with more information in front of me. This should be embarrassing to write, but the thing I'm most looking forward to at the moment is receiving a thesaurus in the mail sometime over the next month, no kidding. That sounds so banal, but it's keeping me alive. I've been dealing with a dip in my happy chemicals -- which is fine, I know how to navigate that, and today I showered and dressed but felt too heavy to go any where so my friend suggested we get coffee. It's very kind to drag your zombies around. We walked to the place around the corner, no one said anything memorable, then headed to the nearest secondhand store. On the way, we heard a vegan restaurant that was home to many fond memories is closing down after six years and my friend shed a tear. He paused for one long vape hit, then we entered the store. When we walked in, the song 'The Day You Come' by Powderfinger was playing overhead, and I planned to listen again later. I remember now, one guy in the band was taught by a teacher I've written about before who used to reward us with broken pieces of computer motherboard, but I won't digress. I, as per usual sought the book section and thumbed a bunch of their spines, searching the reference section for anything I'd find useful. I found the Oxford Concise Companion to English Literature, then an edition of 'Exile and the Kingdom' by Albert Camus written in his native tongue (L'Exil et le Royaume) for $2, which is maybe funny, because I just bought this in English from a used book store last week, and haven't cracked it but there's something romantic and intimate to me about reading the combination of letters as he'd intended, plus this copy is marked up by my predecessor. I realise now I didn't mention my last book store haul, so maybe I should? Did it happen if I don't? Some of you wouldn't think so. I found 'Black Coffee Blues Part 3 (Smile, You're Travelling)' by Rollins, which I'd ugh, I know, already owned but of an alternate release, so sue me, as well as oh God, I'm really typical, another book I already own but in a different shell: a De Sade book, but this one has additional stories as well as being translated by a different writer, sue me twice. Fuck, what other book did I find that day that I probably already own? I remember I purchased four white-male-novelists, because I reached the counter and said "Just a bunch of white dudes," as if acknowledging it would lessen my time served. Oh, I bought David Foster Wallace's 'Fate, Time and Language: An Essay on Free Will' which was Wallace's undergrad senior thesis written to challenge six commonly accepted presuppositions to imply that human beings have no control over the future in 'Fatalism' by Philosopher, Richard Taylor. The cashier responded with no lashings, "Interesting Men!" I came home excited that I actually had the will to figure out the mathematic symbols in the thing, showing my housemate all the if O this then Y that's, and he asked if I knew was O- meant, to which I said "No", so he said "Not O", brilliant, we're getting close. What else, back to today. Yeah, there's really not much to say. I've accidentally typed myself into pleasure and I'm sure all this is immeasurably boring to anybody but me. Maybe partly boring you is what's helping me. We emailed more psychologists. I'm seeing a friend on Saturday, not much, not much. Watching writer's in long form interviews and taking screenshots of their eyerolls for my iphone wallpaper. Any suggestions for inanimate objects I might attempt to write about, to keep my mind from devouring itself instead?

[pinkorchidsinspring]

I Can See You

Let's do some lyric analysis, shall we? Just for funsies, because there's absolutely no way this song has any references to queerness at all... coughs in coding girlie in the music video* (Stanzas of lyrics are labeled for reference when repeated.)

1)You brush past me in the hallway And you don't think I, I, I can see ya, do ya? I've been watchin' you for ages

Okay, so Taylor gives away right away that she has been "watchin'"/paying attention to the person this song is about. (Let's call her Cece for right now just so I don't have to keep referring to her as "the person this song is about" and so there's no arguing in the comments about who the muse of this song is.)

1)And I spend my time tryin' not to feel it

Okay maybe hypothetically if Cece is actually a Collin, maybe she doesn't want to accept that she has feelings for him because he's a mean guy, or her friends just don't like him. But if Cece is a Cece, Taylor was probably experiencing some internalized homophobia, or general fear of being interested in a girl because she doesn't want to be gay. She simply doesn't want to make her life as a country music star (at the time) any harder. No matter how much she's interested in Cece.

2)But what would you do if I went to touch you now? What would you do if they never found us out? What would you do if we never made a sound?

In this series of seemingly frantic questions, Taylor is asking Cece or Collin if they would go through with whatever (-possibly fleeting) secret relationship Taylor wants to pursue. She's asking if they would willingly hide with her, if they would willingly kiss her, and never tell.

3)'Cause I can see you waitin' down the hall from me And I could see you up against the wall with me And what would you do? Baby, if you only knew That I can see you

First off, Taylor Alison Swift, this is very Dress, False God, Gorgeous, Lover (feat. Shawn Mendes), so very sapphic what-if-I-worship-you-right-here horny of you. Anyways, in this excerpt, she's again asking if they would turn her away, or if they would follow through with it. However, by saying that she can "see" them, she alludes that she knows what their answer would be in "seeing" them. She portrays Cece or Collin as being interested in return.

4)And we kept everything professional But something's changed, it's somethin' I, I like

Here Taylor alludes that at some point she worked with this person, and something in their relationship is changing, specifically something to do with this person "brushing past her in the hallway", and "waiting down the hallway from her", away from prying eyes. In other words, this relationship is seemingly becoming anything but professional and platonic.

4)They keep watchful eyes on us So it's best that we move fast and keep quiet

By "They", I choose to interpret they as her management/PR team, because who else would want to make sure they know who Taylor is involved with and when? Why would she have to hide it from her friends and family if it was just bad boy Collin? After all her PR team has no problems linking her to problematic men like John Mayonaise, Jake Jingleballs, and Calvin Harasser. It seems like she's hiding this relationship from her management (and possibly her friends and family if they don't know she likes women yet, as she seems to be unsettled by it herself at this point in time.). So Taylor is detailing how if she has a relationship with Cece it has to be only for brief instances, and no one can know.

4)You won't believe half the things I see inside my head Wait 'til you see half the things that haven't happened yet

This is just very um... sapphic what-if-I-worship-you-right-here horny of her once again, so moving on...

5)Stanza 2 is repeated to again ask her partner if they will willingly do this with her. 6)Stanza 3 is then repeated and added to it is: That I could see you throw your jacket on the floor I could see you, make me want you even more What would you do? Baby, if you only knew That I can see you

With the Jacket being thrown on the floor, Cece or Collin obviously show interest back in a very obvious way. This blatant interest makes Taylor want them even more, and again Taylor asks Cece or Collin if they would go through it.

7)I can see you in your suit and your necktie

I like to think she added this line recently... I can't find any photos of Dianna, or Emily in a suit... but Karlie…

7)Passed me a note saying, "Meet me tonight" Then we kissed and you know I won't ever tell, yeah

This excerpt only further proves that Taylor's partner isn't hiding. Taylor is, there's some reason why Taylor's partner can be assured that she won't ever tell anyone. But yeah sure maybe bad boy Collin wants her to keep their relationship a secret.

7)And I could see you being my addiction You can see me as a secret mission Hideaway and I will start behaving myself

Taylor can get addicted to this person, and this person should see Taylor's addiction to them as a secret mission they need to pursue. If this partner starts hiding away with Taylor instead of just watching her from afar, then Taylor seems to allude that she'll stop giving her management/friends/family a reason to look closer at their "professional" relationship.

Analysis over <3

feel free to add anything you think I should add to this post in the comments :)

My other song analysis’ if you’re interested <3

[a-queer-seminarian]

So I have a somewhat technical theological question for you based on a post I saw recently (I think it was one of yours or you'd commented, but not 100% sure) and am hoping for your insight on it. On the post I'm thinking of, it was mentioned that in some denominations of Christianity, Judaism is seen as a sister religion that is still valid by God, as he has kept his promise to the Jewish people. I've also encountered the idea that Jews will get a "second chance" to convert during the end times. Would this still apply to a Jew by choice who was baptized and raised Christian? Or would that person be considered an apostate/be seen as having turned their back on Jesus and salvation?

Hey there, anon! Thank you for the question. Sorry my response is long lol, but this is a complex and extremely important topic!

Also, for future reference for you and others, I prefer to receive any asks that aren't specifically about me or seminary stuff over on my broader blog, @blessedarethebinarybreakers.

____

I do indeed have a post over on my other blog about how Jewish people already have a completely fulfilling relationship with God.

This viewpoint is one I have learned from Christians who seek interfaith relationship with Jewish persons.

For instance, Barabara Brown Taylor expounds upon it in her book Holy Envy: Finding God in the Faith of Others, which I highly recommend for Christians who are seeking to understand how to respect persons of other faiths while being committed to their own. I've got a tag with passages from Holy Envy that you can start out with to see if you're interested in the whole book :)

I've also been deeply enriched by the perspectives of Jewish persons like New Testament scholar Amy Jill Levine — I have tons of passages from her here — and Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg, whom you should totally follow if you have a Twitter. (See also the couple of great threads from her I've shared here on tumblr)

That viewpoint is completely contrary to the other one that you bring up — that at the End Times, Jews will have a "second chance" to convert. That viewpoint is all too common in Christianity, and it causes real harm to Jewish people here and now.

In this viewpoint, back in Gospel times, the Jewish people rejected Jesus as their messiah. In this viewpoint, Jewish scriptures — what Christians unfortunately dub the "Old Testament" — foretell Jesus as the messiah, so in "rejecting him," basically they've completely misread their own scriptures.

...To tell a people group they have their own scripture wrong is...condescending, to say the least.

Another problem with this viewpoint is that in order for the Jewish people to "reject" Jesus as messiah, they'd have to have considered him a contender in the first place...and they didn't! Jesus just isn't relevant to Judaism.

This is a bad comparison (because Hindus in my cultural context at least don't go around doing this kind of thing the way Christians do lol), but to try to help make the point, if say, a Hindu told me I've rejected Shiva, I'd be like...I haven't? Shiva's just not relevant to my life. How can I have rejected a deity that I've barely contemplated??

Many Christians who believe that all Jews (and/or all non-Christians) will have a last chance to convert to Christianity / accept Jesus as Lord etc. genuinely believe that this is a kind and respectful viewpoint. I used to think so, too! It's only been through listening to Jewish persons and other non-Christians that I've come to understand how it perpetuates Christian supremacy (after all, it implies that Christianity is supreme, that all good people should and will one day become Christian).

An extreme version of this viewpoint that's common in white evangelicalism is that a widespread conversion of Jews is one of the signs (or catalysts?) of the End Times. These Christians make converting Jewish people a priority. Historically, this has brought horrific violence upon Jewish communities, and that continues to this day.

So yeah, TL;DR: the Jewish people can't have a "second chance" to become Christian because, 1) there was no "first chance,” no time the whole Jewish people “rejected” Jesus and/or Christianity; and 2) they don’t need a “second chance,” since they already have a valid and fulfilling relationship with the Divine.

_____

Finally, to answer the last bit of your question about the End Time fate of someone baptized & raised Christian and converted to Judaism:

I totally understand if you are worried about that either for yourself or someone else in your life. The Christian supremacist ideas about who "needs" that kind of "second chance" are deeply ingrained in a lot of us, and take a long time to fully unpack! So whatever your beliefs are, current or future, about the End Times and heaven and all of that, I hope you can find comfort in this:

God's compassion is infinite, beyond any human compassion. If you or I as human beings could imagine having mercy on such a person, so much more for God!

A lot of Christians, especially white evangelical Christians, put a lot of their focus on the End Times and the world to come — but if you take some time to revisit Jesus's own ministry, you'll notice how little he brings up the world to come. He's much more focused on bringing liberation here and now. Same goes for the prophets before him, from Moses to Amos to Isaiah. God's will is for our flourishing here and now — on earth as it is in heaven.

So as far as possible, I believe it's often most fruitful to put aside end time talk and thoughts about some abstract afterlife — to pay more attention to what's going on right now, in your little corner of this beautiful planet. What injustices would Esther, Jeremiah, Jesus be calling out? Who are the mighty who need to be cast down from their thrones, who are the oppressed in need of empowerment, and how can I, you, we participate in that? That's where our focus needs to be. When it comes to what comes next, we can rely on the compassion of the God who created us not for suffering, but for flourishing, not for punishment, but restoration.

____

Further Reading:

Reminder about the Holy Envy book quotes on respecting non-Christians

And again with the Amy Jill Levine quotes link

My antisemitism tag on my other blog is full of stuff to help Christians recognize where we are failing to love our Jewish neighbors as ourselves. This post in particular is a good starting place.

And this post is also a good place to start, with ideas for avoiding or uprooting supersessionism (the idea that Judaism was made irrelevant by Christianity) in your Christian beliefs

A really old post where I talk about the idea of the "end times" a bit more

I forever love this quote about letting go of both our fear of punishment and desire for reward

On that topic, here's my post on why I think the idea of hell is a human idea, not a divine one — and how that ties to the movement for prison abolition here and now

And here's my tag for stuff about, like, the afterlife, heaven, hell, etc. in general

If you're accustomed to reading the Bible through a lens of "if it's in the Bible, it's God's will," you might be interested in seeing another framework option.

[aithusarosekiller]

this might get me cancelled so i'm doing it on anon. i genuinely think people in this fandom have a hard time grasping nuance - a lot of the time everything is very black and white.

my unpopular opinion would be that i don't hc james as desi. i actually AM desi and it really annoys me when i go on tiktok and see people hating on edits with aaron taylor johnson/calling it racist. that's not how racism works??? this entire fandom was made out of thin air. the main fancast for james was atj in the past so obviously people are going to stick with it.

also i do find it cringe when people try to write him as desi or whatever and it's the most stereotypical, borderline racist thing ever. kinda understandable seeing as a lot of these people aren't actually desi and most of the microaggressions come from ignorance rather than actual malice but come on. do some research.

i'm pretty sure i've seen people mix up nepal and india a lot. that reminds me reiky de valk IS NOT DESI. he's mixed Dutch, Vietnamese, and Somalian. so stop using him as your desi!james fancast. it is literally racist. also reminds me of how people who hc that the black family are asian often use people from different parts of asia for the black brothers. i think thats worse than a microaggression because you're just saying all asian people look the same.

at the same time i usually see this on tiktok so maybe it's just the type of people found there? idk. sorry if this is rude i'm just in a hater mood.

I said that I wouldn't be responding to asks until later but this one is important so I'm gonna do it now because it's just right

And whenever people do write desi James, if his characterisation is really stereotypical, you can already tell that Effie's is gonna be AT LEAST 10 times worse

I'm honestly on board with any James fc as long as they have the right overall energy but I've also seen loads of people refer to Reiky as their desi fc when he literally can't be 😭

Not-So-Fun fact: I am yet to see a video for Asian Black family fcs where more than 3 of them are from the same country, if you go onto tiktok and search it for yourself you'll see

I'm not gonna say too much on this bc I don't want to post to get so long that people just skip right past it without reading but THIS IS IMPORTANT can we talk about it more please because for a fandom that pride themselves on being really accepting in comparison to the source material, racism, misogyny, fatphobia, and transphobia are RAMPANT

[whiskeyswifty]

I've always found the whole "queer people should listen to queer artists" conversation bizarre, especially when it comes to Taylor, because I'm sure she herself would be flattered to learn that queer people are finding some sort of comfort/solace in their interpretations of her music – especially considering how loud she's been about her allyship in the last few years. The only real problem she would have (if we can even call it that) is if people were using that to make speculations about her personal life – which she doesn't like even when people do that with the MEN in her life.

The biggest popstar in the world advocating for and welcoming gaypeople with open arms is always going to be a big deal, no matter how much people try to underplay that and make it an exclusively het space. People have to accept that other gay people can like things that YOU, personally, think is boring or too cishet or whatever the fuck. Being gay is not a monolith, and gay experiences, just like every other human experience, are diverse! Who benefits from this kind of holier than thou snobbery anyway? (Feel free to ignore this lmao, I've just always found that kind of sneering and discourse annoying and lowkey homophobic, like "oh there is one right way to be gay and you're not it bc you like XYZ!!!" Fuck off. Anything can be about eating pussy if you try hard enough lmao)

i don't think you have to wonder about how she feels about gay people finding a connection in her music. she's been inviting countless queer people, including gay couples, to secret sessions and meet and greets on her tours for years. she performed king of my heart at a gay couple's engagement party as a surprise. she performed shake it off at stonewall. she has two male dancers dance to lover on this very tour. she clearly doesn't care if gay people relate her music to their life or find gay themes in it that they interpret their own way to their own experiences, at the very least. she's always been welcoming and encouraging of gay people to be a part of her fandom and relate to her art. the idea that taylor only wants people interpreting her music through the paparazzi photos the public has seen of her boyfriends or whatever is just homophobic bullshit for no reason other than their own bigotry and desire to keep gay people away from them. (long answer again trying not to clog people's dash lol)

insofar as the speculation about her life, idk what to tell you. people are always going to gossip and speculate, they've been doing it as long as human beings had language. a long time ago now it seems, she seemed to have accepted she would always have little control over it, and she logged off pretty much for good. which seems the healthiest way for her to carry on. the lavhaze bridge refers to that and how she just no longer really engages in media coverage of herself or social media gossip about herself. the prologue just recounts how pre-1989, particularly post-red, she discovered the darker sides of that gossip she doesn't like. her feelings about that gossip still remain true i'm sure, but you're discounting what immediately follows that section in the prologue, which says "But none of that mattered then because I had a plan and I had a demeanor as trusting as a basket of golden retriever puppies. I had the keys to my own apartment in New York and I had new melodies bursting from my imagination. I had Max Martin and Shellback who were happy to help me explore this new sonic landscape I was enamored with. I had a new friend named Jack Antonoff who had made some cool tracks in his apartment. I had the idea that the album would be called 1989 and we would reference big 80s synths and write sky high choruses. I had sublime, inexplicable faith and I ran right toward it, in high heels and a crop top." Which, if that's not clear to anyone out there, is her saying she learned through making 1989 to ignore the gossip and that all that mattered was her music and pursuing new sounds and creative experiences. she basically is saying "yeah it sucked to be called a serial dater, but 1989 helped me learn to refocus energy away from trying to control it and towards my creative output and creative relationships." which is something she has done several times when faced with struggles with the public, and will do again post 1989 into reputation.

that's a lesson everyone must learn in life at some point. you can't control what people say or what they think about you. but also it's not a crime to gossip, nor do most people who gossip mean any harm. people on this website even haven't ceased to gossip about her and speculate about things as intimate as her and joe's sex life while they were dating, pregnancy and abortions she may or may not have had, etc etc. even currently the fanfiction swirling around her and football man is incessant (some of it literal, blatant fanfiction being published shamelessly as books which makes me so embarrassed for them). it's just something people do to pass the time because life can be monotonous and dreadful, and i don't think it makes anyone a bad person for doing it. she's a public figure, and insists on being one and seems to enjoy many aspects of it, so it's just part of the territory she has reconciled with. people will project things onto her that they want to see mainly because they seek to recognize themselves in others in search of validation, but also every now and then because they want a villain to hate. most gossip will be benign ultimately, especially if it's not true, and some will be painful, especially if it is true, but like taylor does these days, if you don't like it, just ignore it.

[mymistakewriting]

i personally agree and relate so much with buck’s adhd + anxiety specifically so i was just wondering if you could go more in depth with those headcanons? adhd buck is so important to me and reading about it and talking gives ME dopamine lol. oooh and the volume control like getting called out on it would so trigger his RSD! and everyone LOVES going to trivia with him for sure hahah sorry this kind of turned into my headcanons but yeah what do you think??!

I'll answer that second ask you sent in separately because Oh Boy do I have some Opinions to share on all of it.

I absolutely adore getting to just sit down and scream about characters and their habits and their mental health and how it all ties together. And Buck has given me PLENTY to work with since I started the show. But specifically focusing in on his ADHD & anxiety & RSD?

Not only does he hyperfixate on random stuff that has no use he CANONICALLY does research on natural disasters after he's lived through them - he did so with the tsunami, he did so with the earthquakes. He even canonically references researching volcanos after the wildfire crossover with Lone Star where he made the trip to Austin to help. This man is a walking encyclopedia of information on natural disasters and traumas. But it's very much a coping mechanism. It's a "I survived this and I have no clue how or why, so I have to understand what the odds were and I need to be able to be prepared and help others better if I ever live through another one of these". It's a "if I understand this and why it happens and how best to survive it, then it holds no power over me". It's a "I can't be scared of this so I have to understand it instead." It's the kind of coping mechanism that I've only ever seen in people who have ADHD or autism - statistics over fear, because fear can only cause harm ESPECIALLY as a first responder. Fear can come later, accept he tries not to ever let it because that makes him weak in his eyes.

The anxiety definitely stims from childhood trauma - look at his parents and Maddie and tell me that their behaviors weren't the root cause of so many of Buck's bad habits and I'll call you a liar. His parents are the reason he's so reckless. His parents AND Maddie are the reason Buck 1.0 was clinging so tightly to the label of sex addict because it was hard for him to admit that he didn't feel good enough after being left behind by everyone he'd ever had in his entire life. And don't take this as me talking poorly on Maddie, but she's also the reason why Buck latched on so tightly to Abby. And Ali. And Taylor. And the 118 crew. She left when he was a teenager, left him with parents that they both knew were awful, and he kind of internalized it and now a few years down the line it's crippling anxiety and abandonment issues and he doesn't have an outlet for any of that. And I could go on for hours about how his childhood contributed to him being semi-verbal at best, and about how much of how he defines himself ties into how he was defined as a kid, but that'll have to be a whole other post because there are so many intricacies to it that it deserves it's own thing.

His RSD. Oh I love the portrayal they give for his RSD. Because it's not just canceled plans and being overlooked that send him spiraling like so many people assume when they hear the phrase. It's someone's tone changing or someone pulling away too soon when he gets comfortable showing affection. It's how he held on so tight until he just couldn't anymore when Abby left because she said she'd come back and she's never lied to me before so she'll come back, everyone else is being dramatic. I just have to wait.

It's how well he just gave all of himself to Ali. She helped him find a place to live. Helped him furnish it in a way that is shockingly out of character for Buck - none of those decorations when he was with her felt like him in the slightest.

It was how he tried to twist and change himself and his relationships to make things with with Taylor. He didn't bring Eddie up to her often, didn't bring her up to Eddie unless he could avoid it, didn't talk about work, let her use his place and his information and his everything to do her job even though it got him questioned there at the end by the Department about who her sources were. And it's there in how hesitant he was to end things. How much he looked like he was fighting himself when he did end things.

His volume control is such a small thing that never gets called out in the fandom posts I do see - the 118 is wonderful at it once they know him, they know ways to point it out without sending him into a tailspin. It's always a gentle cup to the shoulder or elbow or a gentle nudge of shoulder to shoulder or a soft redirection that requires a softer voice somewhere else. It's never a "you're being too loud" or an annoyed glance from them.

From people they save, though? Buck stutters a lot more around people they work to save, he's always trying to be conscious of everything because he's gotten those looks or gotten those annoyed comments time and time and time again until it's become one of his biggest insecurities.

He gives every bit of himself to everything he does, and it definitely makes his RSD worse when that just isn't enough.