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lonelywretchjervistetch · 1 month

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The State Birds Initiative: Pennsylvania (#2)

Welcome to the second official poll of the State Birds Initiative! Before the poll, though, one thing real quick. My suggestion is that you read the post below before voting in the poll below. That's especially important if you're lacking any context about the birds being presented as the new (or old) State Bird of the Keystone State, Pennsylvania. This is to be fully informed as to why these are being presented, and to make your choices appropriately. Lastly, some of these birds, you will notice, may go against some of the rules listed in the introduction post. All is explained after the jump where the explanations are, I promise you that. But with that...OK! Here's the poll! More choices this time, but that's definitely a bit deceptive. Trust me, read the stuff after the jump, you'll see why.

LET'S GO PHILLY

Kidding on two fronts. One, not a massive sports fan, and not really a fan of any Philadelphia teams (I love Gritty, though. Always and forever.). And two, this is obviously not a post about Philadelphia. So, let's talk about the Quaker State, Pennsylvania! The capital is Harrisburg, while its biggest city is Philadelphia. Pennsylvania is, of course, the first capital of these United States, and arguably the seat of the country. It's the home of Benjamin Franklin (even though it wasn't his birthplace), the Liberty Bell, the Constitution, and Rocky Balboa. And of course, its perfect symbol: Gritty.

God, he's beautiful. The perfect mascot. Who cares about the Flyers; Gritty's who I'm rooting for. Anyway, amazing and unassailable symbols of chaos aside, we're here to talk about Pennsylvania's natural world. So, what are we looking at. Well, it's a mostly deciduous forest-dominated state, so we're looking at seasonal forests and probably seasonal birds...for the most part. At the very least, our ideal bird is a forest resident and breeder in the state. Nothing too unusual or difficult to find.

Birding in Pennsylvania is pretty stereotypical to that of the northeastern United States. There are a few major spots, especially those that graze the Appalachian Mountain Range, which runs through the state. As for conservation concern, habitats of focus are the Appalachian forests that are often deforested for development, especially in the areas near Philadelphia. No real surprise, but that's a good target for conservation focus.

As for Pennsylvania's culture, it's famously descendant of the Quakers, who founded the state under the leadership of William Penn. This isn't to say that Pennsylvanians are Quakers; if you've been to Philadelphia, you know that's not true. According to a few accounts I've seen, that essentially means there's an attitude of helpfulness to your neighbor within the state, as well as a cultivation of the value of hard work. It's also a state that prides its history pretty thoroughly, from Philadelphia's various museums and public historical monuments, to the historical communities that thrive in the state, like the Lancaster Amish. Not sure how either of those will translate themselves into birds, but...hey, we'll see, right?

I also saw somebody refer to PA as heavily into "snack culture". And I'm not entirely sure what that means, but I WILL take the opportunity to say one thing: do not waste money on the cheesesteaks at Pat's or Geno's. It's meant to attract tourists, and they aren't worth it, BELIEVE ME. There are better cheesesteaks in the city, from what I've heard, but those two are...not worth the money. Just trust me on this one.

That said, it's time to look for a proper state bird for Pennsylvania. There's some emphasis there on the "proper", and the first entry in the following section has an explanation by that. With that, let's go for it! State Bird nominations for Pennsylvania below the jump!

Ruffed Grouse (Bonasa umbellus)

OK, let's start with the current bird highlighted by Pennsylvania, the Ruffed Grouse (Bonasa umbellus). Now, I love these guys. If you've never experienced it, walking through the woods and suddenly hearing a deep thrumming echo through the trees is...it's a unique sensation. You wonder where it's coming from, why and how it's so loud, what's making it, and then...it just pops up. Maybe it sees you looking for it, and you flush it out and watch a panicking male run away. Maybe he just looks back at you puffed up and stands his ground a bit (which is unlikely, but still). Either way, these guys never cease to put a smile on my face.

This behavior is called drumming, by the way, as pictured above. A male grouse will position themselves on a hollow fallen tree, and use it as a megaphone to send out these vibrations across swathes of territory. It is, unsurprisingly, a territorial behavior for the grouse, and iconic in its own way. Now, a few more facts about the Ruffed Grouse. The name, by the way, comes from the feathers on the sides of the male's neck, which are erected during courtship and territorial displays. It's obviously colored to camouflage in the fallen leaves of deciduous forests, where it resides throughout the year. They're granivorous members of the Galliformes (grouse, pheasants, quail, etc.), and fairly common in the Eastern United States. But with that said...here's the big problem with this choice for State Bird.

It isn't a State Bird. It's a State Game Bird.

Yeah, remember the Delaware Blue Hen from the last poll (assuming you read it, here it is if you didn't)? I suggested that it should be the State Game Bird of Delaware, rather than the State Bird. Well, right next door to Delaware, Pennsylvania already has a State Game Bird in the form of the Ruffed Grouse. Why, you ask? Well, first off, the Ruffed Grouse is actuall known as the "King of the Gamebirds" colloquially, crowned such by William Harnden Foster, the father of skeet shooting. Yes, actually. But anyway, the bird was declared the State Game Bird in 1931, but there was not real reason why outside of popularity with hunters. So...OK, fair enough. It just means that the Ruffed Grouse is not a State Bird. But should it be?

The question asked here is, should the Ruffed Grouse be promoted to a State Bird, since most Pennsylvanians seem to think of it as such anyway? Well, looking at the guidelines we've previously set and established...I don't know, honestly. And my main reason for doubt, personally, is the fact that the grouse, while found in Pennsylvania, is BARELY a breeder in the state. Only 0.4% of the bird's overall breeding population is in Pennsylvania, and only 13% is in the United States at all. And yes, that means the species is mostly found in...

So, when you think about it, is this truly the answer to the PA State Bird question? Well, it does represent much of the biome of Pennsylvania, a forest-dominated state squarely in the temperate and deciduous zone. It has a history and culture of hunting, and the grouse is certainly one of the most popular species on that front. And they're certainly iconic, and easy to hear in most forests, not to mention fun to look and listen for for beginning birders. The first time I stumbled on a Ruffed Grouse was, lemme tell you, a delight. And the second time, I LITERALLY stumbled on them, because a mother and her chicks were running away from me, and one of the chicks ran between my feet from behind me to join its mother, and I have NEVER BEFORE FELT MORE LIKE A DISNEY PRINCESS UNTIL THAT MOMENT IT WAS FUCKING MAGICAL

But, yeah, with that said, I submit the Ruffed Grouse for your deliberation as a State Bird. And as for a State Game Bird...oh, I've got a thought on that one, too. But I'll save that until the end, I think.

Scarlet Tanager (Piranga olivaceus)

So, as before, let's start the replacement options with a bird suggested by the Cornell Lab of Ornithology, and a solid-ass pick for a number of reasons. The Scarlet Tanager is one of the most striking birds in the eastern United States, and there's no state with a larger breeding population of these birds than Pennsylvania. 13% of the species' global breeding population is found in PA, making the state a major staging point for the species. Native to and dependent upon the deciduous forests of the state, this is a hidden ornithological icon.

Chestnut-sided Warbler (Setophaga pensylvanica)

Well, if I had the Ring-billed Gull (Larus delawarensis) listed for Delaware, it only makes sense to list the Chestnut-sided Warbler (Setophaga pensylvanica) for Pennsylvania! Similarly, it's the only species that have Pennsylvania as a state in the species name. And trust me, this is a rare luxury, either because most states have no bird species named for them, or a LOT of bird species named for them. Just wait for the Carolinas or California, believe me. But that said, is the Chestnut-sided Warbler a good fit for Pennsylvania?

Well, it certainly breeds in the state; the majority of the global population breeds in Canada, like the Ruffed Grouse, but a good amount still breeds in the deciduous temperate forests of the USA. The PA breeding population represents 3% of the global breeding population, and as compared to Michigan's 7%, Pennsylvania still doesn't have the majority. But again, let's put that statistic to the wayside. Is there anything else about the Chestnut-sided Warbler that represents Pennsylvania in a meaningful way? Well...no. Not, not really. There is a story of John James Audubon (yes, that Audubon, the racist one), and his first AND ONLY sighting of the Chestnut-sided Warbler, which took place in eastern Pennsylvania, alongside his hunt for the species throughout his life. So, hey, there's a tie. But other than that, this is another opportunity to choose an handsome looking bird that serves as a unique bird to look for for Pennsylvanians, any of whom can say, "Hey, I've seen that bird! Cool!"

...Wait, I just realized something about this category of choice. Pennsylvania has more species name reputation than I thought...indirectly. Hmm. Let's combine their entries.

Philadelphia Vireo (Vireo philadelphicus) Bonaparte's Gull (Chroicocephalus philadelphia) Mourning Warbler (Geothlypis philadelphia)

There are, in total, three species that are named after the great city of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. And this is both the only one with the city name in its common name...and also the worst choice of the three. At least the Bonaparte's Gull (Chroicocephalus philadelphia) and the Mourning Warbler (Geothlypis philadelphia) breed in the state. And for the record, those are up for debate for this spot if anybody world prefer those go in there. But if those are better options (barely; both birds also barely breed in Pennsylvania), then why choose the Philadelphia Vireo?

Is it iconic? To birdwatchers, maybe, but mostly because it's a pretty difficult bird to get when you're starting out. I've seen them, but it's not easy to find them. And to the layman? It's a little green bird that lives in green trees. Oof. Hard sell for a state bird. At least Bonaparte's Gull (above) is visible on bodies of water, and a fairly common bird alongside being an unusual-looking gull for most people. Plus, hey, they're kinda handsome and cute in my opinion. What about the Mourning Warbler (below)? While also somewhat difficult to find by virtue of being a little green bird, has a notable and memorable appearance. But you could also argue that it belongs rightly to other states instead.

But the Philadelphia Vireo? Yeah, it's the worst candidate of the three, but...it's also the only warbler who once carried the name Brotherly-Love Vireo. Yeah. As in Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love? That is a good reason. However, you could argue that, given the fact that the work "philadelphia" is literally Greek for "brotherly love"...it's still a flimsy argument. But hey, I'd be remiss if I didn't include these guys on this list for State Bird, even if I...doubt they're gonna get any votes.

Pileated Woodpecker (Dryocopus pileatus)

For one of two conservation-related entries of this post, let's take a look at the Pileated Woodpecker (Dryocopus pileatus). Now, to get this out of the way, the Pileated Woodpecker is all over the Eastern USA. These big, crow-sized woodpeckers (and these guys are HUGE when you see them for the first time; love 'em) are a common sight in deciduous and coniferous forests (the predominant habitat in PA), and are most certainly breeders in Pennsylvania. They're iconic enough, fun to find, and can be detected through signs they leave in trees. Namely, of course, I'm referring to the nest hollows they make in trees for their offspring, as well as holes made to search for insects. But, OK, same question as always, why suggest it for the PA State Bird?

The pileated woodpecker, as the big bird it is, is an ecosystem modeler. What this means is, those holes they carve in trees are used by other species, including owls, squirrels, weasels, ducks, and various others that live in the same areas. Pennsylvania's wildlife isn't above using Pileated Woodpecker holes for their own uses, making the birds extremely important for other species. Ecosystem architects are not uncommon in nature. Most of your probably think of the American Beaver (Castor canadensis) or the American Alligator (Alligator mississippiensis) when that topic comes up, but there are many others. In ecology, there's a term for species that modify their environments in ways that become significant for the survival of other species. Because other species rely on them, they're referred to as keystone species.

Get it?

Pennsylvania is also known as the Keystone State. And, like beavers and alligators before them, woodpeckers are also keystone species. This isn't a commonly talked about aspect of woodpeckers, but the Pileated Woodpecker in particular is getting some recent attention as a keystone species. So, why not highlight this recently proposed classification and give the Keystone State a Keystone Species for its State Bird? It serves as a lesson in ecology for everyone, school kids or the uninformed, and it's a great way to make the State Bird about Pennsylvania's ecosystems. Conservation-focused, and an iconic species to boot!

Do I think the Pileated Woodpecker is the best species for Pennsylvania on it's own merits? I don't know, honestly. Like I said before, it's a fun-to-find iconic bird, it breeds in the state, and there's not real reason it shouldn't be the state bird. But I really like the idea of giving the Keystone State a keystone species, and not a lot of North American birds act in that role. If anybody has a better suggestion, I am all ears, but I think this one works pretty well. Plus, hey, there's only one woodpecker amongst the State Birds, which is a shame! Who doesn't love woodpeckers?

American Goshawk (Accipiter atricapillus)

For the other conservation entry of this list, we once again turn to a raptor, and a damned cool one at that. Previously referred to as the northern goshawk, the American Goshawk (Accipiter gentilis) is a silent and efficient predator. One of the most skilled forest flyers amongst the accipiter hawks, these birds specialize in rodents and birds that live in the trees, and are amazing at weaving through the understory to catch their prey. I adore goshawks, and they're honestly a bit terrifying. I used to work at a raptor rehabilitation facility which bred these guys in central New York, and they're beautiful and terrifying. Also, I've held one in a towel burrito, and that was a highlight of my life.

Now, with that said, the goshawk is barely found in Pennsylvania in recent years, although it used to be quite common. The Fish and Game Department, alongside Audubon, have this as a species of major concern and focus in Pennsylvania, despite (for because of) a very small breeding population. But there's a sad reason for this, making this a VERY good candidate for State Bird. See, in the 1900s, goshawks were considered pests, due to their love of chicken and wild game birds. Therefore, they were regularly shot, and Pennsylvania in particular offered rewards for their bodies.

By 1931, goshawk populations in Pennsylvania plummeted. This was also when the early 20th century environmentalist movements started, and this issue in particular was noticed by environmentalist and suffragette Rosalie Edge. To save hawk populations in Pennsylvania, she purchased a piece of land to bar the hawk-hunters on the property. This was called Hawk Mountain, and was founded in 1934 as the world's first raptor preserve. Yeah. Not only was it the first of these, but one of the first (if not THE first) created by a woman. Let's fucking go. Rosalie was a known bad-ass in conservation, and regularly did shit like this for what she believed in. An unsung hero of conservation and ornithology.

The hawk hunts ended alongside the Pennsylvania Game Commission in the 1950s, and raptor conservation continued on as a major movement in the state of Pennsylvania. Hawk Mountain in particular became a massive centerpoint of this, and today, it's maybe the most famous place in the United States to watch the annual fall and spring migrations of raptors. The raptor counts at Hawk Mountain Sanctuary are an annual bonanza, attracting birders from near and far. Haven't made it there yet myself, but it's on my list of must-bird locations. I implore you to learn more about this wonderful place. Check out their YouTube channel if you want to know more from their perspective! And it's all based on the impressive conservation story of the American Goshawk. I think that makes it a pretty goddamn good candidate for State Bird. Brings attention to conservation history, and on a major natural phenomenon that can be seen every year in Pennsylvania. Pretty goddamn cool.

The hell is even left after that? Well...

Wild Turkey (Melagris gallopavo)

OK, hear me out here. Of ALL the birds in the USA, if there is any state should have more federal recognition, it's the Wild Turkey (Meleagris gallopavo). It's the only bird that essentially has a holiday dedicated to it (OK, dedicated to killing and eating it, but you get what I mean). It's also, notoriously, the alleged runner-up for national bird, having lost to the Bald Eagle (Halieetus leucocephalus). To be fair, here, that's a potential urban myth, but an important one regardless, especially to Pennsylvania.

Other than this, though, everybody knows what a Turkey looks like. It's arguably one of the top 5 iconic wild birds of the USA, and is very common throughout the country. It is, in fact, found in every one of the Lower 48, and in Hawaii (introduced there). Not Alaska, though. Which is good, because frozen turkey is dangerous. Ha ha ha. But is that an argument for Pennsylvanis to have it as the State Bird, or even as the State Game Bird? Because that's also an option, for the record. I argue, though, that Alabama, Massachusetts, Oklahoma, and South Carolina already have it as a State Game Bird, which especially makes sense for Alabama, which is prime turkey-hunting ground. As is, for that matter, Pennsylvania. Turkey season here is longer than in most places, and according to HuntStand, it's basically a culture there in and of itself. So, yeah, appropriate on that front alone. But that said...Pennsylvania should own the turkey for one more important reason.

I mean...Benjamin Franklin. Come on. You gotta give it to Pennsylvania's favorite son. I've been to the Franklin Institute, I KNOW how beloved he is in PA. And Benjamin Franklin, famously, loved two things: wild sex parties with older women, and the Wild Turkey. AND I QUOTE:

For my own part I wish the Bald Eagle had not been chosen the Representative of our Country. He is a Bird of bad moral Character. He does not get his Living honestly. ...For the Truth the Turkey is in Comparison a much more respectable Bird, and withal a true original Native of America… He is besides, though a little vain & silly, a Bird of Courage, and would not hesitate to attack a Grenadier of the British Guards who should presume to invade his Farm Yard with a red Coat on.”

Now, contrary to popular belief, this is not Franklin saying the Wild Turkey should be the national bird. This is, instead, Frankling saying that he fucking hates the Bald Eagle, whom he sees as a lazy, thieving, selfish, disrespectful, manipulative asshole. So, yeah, in retrospect, not an inappropriate symbol for some parts of the country. But regardless, he's right about turkeys: they do not give a shit about your boundaries if you're on their land. Trust me, I live in an area of New England where there are some BIG fuckin' turkeys, and they WILL CHASE YOU if you mess with them. I SEEN IT

With that, though, I think we've covered the major candidates for the State Bird of Pennsylvania. Any I've missed or forgotten? Any suggestions you may have? I'm all ears! Make sure to vote, and come back for state #3: New Jersey. Which...I think a lot of us have thoughts on. Although, hey...I don't hate the State Bird. Well, as a bird, anyway; I'm indifferent to it as NJ's bird. More context next time, I promise.

See you soon, and happy birding!

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waitmyturtles · 9 months

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SOME GOOD SHOWS THAT I LIKED IN 2023! (AND SOME THAT I DIDN'T)

I watched A LOT of stuff that did not originally air in 2023 by dint of my Old GMMTV Challenge. This list is inclusive of this recognition!

THE BEST SHOW I WATCHED THIS YEAR: HE'S COMING TO ME

I have no other words: this is my favorite Thai BL of all time. Perfect length, perfect plot, perfect celebration of Thai culture, perfect acting, the greatest coming out scene of all time, the BEST of the best BL moms. Perfection.

THE OTHER BEST SHOW I WATCHED THIS YEAR: BAD BUDDY

I don't even want to think about how many words I've written on Bad Buddy this year, but they're well deserved for this REMARKABLE show. I've got a thing for shows by Aof Noppharnach that feature Ohm Pawat, what can I say!

THE MOST INFLUENTIAL SHOW(S) I WATCHED THIS YEAR: LOVE SICK AND SOTUS

The influence of Love Sick and SOTUS can be seen in SO MANY Thai BLs, even through today. Without having watched these two shows to start my OGMMTVC project, I wouldn't have the context for what later shows like Bad Buddy and Theory of Love were commenting on by way of their content and structures. Love Sick in particular was a HELL of a lift -- but I am damn glad I watched it, and I certainly feel nostalgia for it today.

Honorable mentions of influential pieces that had impacts on Thai BLs: Love of Siam and Dew the Movie

MY OTHER FAVORITE OLD SHOWS I WATCHED: UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN AND THEORY OF LOVE

BANGERS!!!

If New Siwaj ever tops Until We Meet Again, I'll fly to Bangkok and give him a gold medal. That long-ass show, 17 EPISODES, I WANTED MORE! OhmFluke's chemistry was great, the story delved SO deeply into historical homophobia and how culture and acceptance changes over time -- scrumptious. Theory of Love, man, the way this show ate up implicit compassion bias and gave it right back to us. I loved it. KHAI FOREVER!

THE BEST SHOW I WATCHED THAT ACTUALLY AIRED IN 2023: MOONLIGHT CHICKEN

Not only was Moonlight Chicken my first real live fandom experience on Tumblr, it was a hell of an amazing show, incorporating so much of what I love particularly about Thai BLs, and how many Thai BLs do not shy away from celebrating Asian cultural touchpoints. From exploring Jim's internalized homophobia by way of his rural upbringing, to juxtaposing Pattaya's spiritual symbols with growing development that upends older strains of local culture, Moonlight Chicken offered a lovely commentary on what it means to be queer in an ever-changing Thailand.

THE OTHER BEST SHOW I WATCHED THAT ACTUALLY AIRED IN 2023: WHAT DID YOU EAT YESTERDAY?/KINOU NANI TABETA? SEASON 2

BRILLIANTLY ACTED by literally the best actors in the Asian BL game: we are blessed that Nishijima Hidetoshi and Uchino Seiyou have given so much to this franchise. It's hard to write about this show because it's so perfect -- it needs no extraneous words. Plot, pacing, acting, character development, gratuitous food shots. It has it all.

THE OTHER OTHER BEST SHOW I WATCHED THAT ACTUALLY AIRED IN 2023: I CANNOT REACH YOU

Just like Bad Buddy looked at Thai BL tropes in the eye and said, "over my Nong Nao," I Cannot Reach You asked Japanese BLs about the efficacy of almost every trope we've gotten used to, and questioned them with efficiency. The biggest shocker for me? REAL COMMUNICATION, encouraged by the CIPHER, Hosaka, that allowed the two lead protagonists to confirm their love and understand each other. It was straightforward and FUCKING GOOD.

A SHOW THAT AIRED IN 2023 THAT I HAVEN'T WRITTEN ABOUT YET, THAT I NEED TO REWATCH IN CHRONOLOGY, THAT ALSO DID SOME TROPE/GENRE ASS-KICKING THAT I'M STILL THINKING ABOUT: LA PLUIE

La Pluie was FEARLESS. The show had a LOT to say about romance and soulmates not being as much of a realistic thing as content-makers... and, frankly, majority society would like us to think. La Pluie made its characters WORK for love and understanding, and had us viewers face our implicit biases about how romantic content should and could work. I watched this show out of order of the OGMMTVC watchlist to see it it was one of the best of the year, and it certainly is. I'm planning a deep rewatch for early 2024 to pen my words on it.

A SHOW THAT ALMOST TOPPED MY 2023 LIST BUT GOT DOCKED BECAUSE I ENDED UP LIKING THE NOVEL A LOT BETTER: I FEEL YOU LINGER IN THE AIR

@neuroticbookworm and @lurkingshan know that I flipped THA FUCK out over this show -- FABULOUSLY acted by Nonkul Chanon and Bright Rapheephong, FABULOUS cinematography, great story up until the end of the series. My fangirling led me to read the original novel by Violet Rain, and -- I found out that Jom was a lot more damn sassy than we got in the show! Tee Bundit's penchant for sadness won. This is not to dock the show, but the novel had more than enough material to carry the series through without repeating themes in the end. So it fell on my 2023 list, womp womp. BUT I STILL LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS SHOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG.

TWO SHOWS THAT I'M SUPER GLAD I CAUGHT UP WITH WHILE THEY WERE AIRING: THE EIGHTH SENSE AND BE MY FAVORITE

Be My Favorite looked at Krist Perawat's checkered past as a BL idol and said: we are going to examine this and make an honest BL out of inspiration from it. It wasn't a perfect show, the time travel shit didn't end up adding up in the end, BUT -- excellent acting from two GMMTV VETS made up for those tangles, and I loved the contextual philosophical references throughout the series. The Eighth Sense looked at the tug-of-war that Korean BLs have with K-dramas and their tropes and said, actually? We will have these dudes full-frontal kiss, and placed that energy against commentaries on mental health, both topics that Korea hasn't quite embraced as quickly as other countries.

HONORABLE MENTIONS OF OTHER AWESOME SHOWS THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE AIRED IN 2023

Make It Right, Our Dating Sim, Dark Blue Kiss, Gay OK Bangkok, Dirty Laundry, 10 Years Ticket, I Told Sunset About You, I Promised You the Moon, 3 Will Be Free, Lovely Writer (underrated?!), Our Skyy 2 x Bad Buddy x A Tale of Thousand Stars (UNDERRATED!), and Manner of Death.

And the shows that are airing that I know will stay with me well into 2024: Last Twilight and Cherry Magic Thailand.

I had fun!

WHAT ELSE, WHAT ELSE: THE "NO" SHOWS: THE PROMISE AND STEP BY STEP

I'm not even hyperlinking my thoughts on these shows, nor gifting them with gifs. Insert Bugs Bunny NOOOOOO gif here! We got Man Trisanu, though.

THE SHOW I WAS THE MOST OBVIOUSLY DISAPPOINTED BY: ONLY FRIENDS

Despite my passionate disappointment for this show and how it ended: in the context of the OGMMTVC, Only Friends is still an incredibly important inclusion to the list. Some amazing Tumblr bloggers offered commentary that the bias against sex that OF contained within the show was actually importantly and culturally contextual to the still-conservative state of acceptance that Thailand is currently in (here and here for more reading).

Only Friends reminded us that despite any kind of marketing that we here on Tumblr, as a majority non-Thai audience, may receive about a Thai show -- that we are still not fully plugged into the non-verbal expectations of what a show like OF could promise to do, and to be okay when it doesn't reach those heights. In light of the seemingly pro-sex marketing blasts that previewed the series before its airing, OF ultimately seemed to want to take casual sex, chew it up, and spit it out. There might be reasons why that happened that we just don't know about as outsiders to Thailand. But as an Asian-American viewer that was hoping for neutral -- and maybe even supportive -- commentary on single folks having casual sex without judgement, OF did not deliver for me.

I'm ending the year reading Dr. Thomas Baudinette's book, Boys Love Media in Thailand, the first book-length ethnographic study on the impact of BL on queerness, media, and more in Thailand and across Asia. Baudinette comes from the world of Japanese queer media studies -- as someone who came to Thai BLs this year from Japanese BLs, I appreciate his trajectory. It's clearly a necessity for me to read this book in the context of the OGMMTVC, to understand how Thai BLs have changed over time, and to understand the incredibly larger impact of heterosexual/heteronormative media and themes on Thai media as a whole, as larger and larger swaths of Thai, Asian, and international societies welcome and watch BLs with open arms.

All of this feeds into my ever-growing body of knowledge about the impact of Thai BLs, both in Thailand and across Asia, as Baudinette writes about, and how these shows have and are developed/developing over time. It's been an AMAZING YEAR of watching old and new dramas for me, and I'm looking forward to seeing how the genre grows even more in 2024.

I also made AMAZING FRIENDS on Tumblr -- y'all know who you are! What a year of growth and discovery for me: this has been a fabulous experience, and I'm looking forward to even more growth in the new year!

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dean-winchester-is-a-warrior · 7 months

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The Dangers of Hope Ch. 5

Series Summary: When Y/N shows up at Camp Chitaqua with her little girl in tow, her bloodshot eyes leave no doubt that she's infected. Or is she? Everything Dean has come to know for certain over the last five hellish years, is about to be challenged.

Pairings/Characters in the series: Endverse!Dean x Reader, Emma (OFC), Castiel, Sam Winchester, Lucifer, Michael, Zachariah, Risa, Johnston (OMC), Patrick (OMC), Theresa (OFC), other survivors and soldiers.

Series Explicit 18 +/Warnings: Show level violence, some gore, angst, smut, fluff all the usual for a series of mine. ❤️ Endverse!Dean (that's a warning for his anger and callousness as well as his extreme hotness. 😁) Each chapter will have their own specific warnings.

Chapter Warnings: Nothing major.

Word Count: 5,402

A/N: So, I've had this idea for quite a while. Basically since I watched The Last of Us. I loved Pedro in the role of Joel, but I kept thinking how incredible Jensen would have been. Which then made me think of how amazing he was as Endverse!Dean which then led me to this idea. Lol! I've stolen the premise of Ellie's storyline from TLOU, but made her a grown up, a reader insert, and a love interest for Dean.

If you've never seen TLOU, don't worry - you don't need to have seen it to understand this story. 😊

I've taken some liberties with the Endverse in my story, changed a few things from canon, but kept lots of things too.

I sincerely hope you enjoy the story. It will be ten chapters and I will do my very best to post one chapter every weekend. ❤️

A/N 2: Sorry, this chapter is a bit longer than usual, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. 😘

Series Master List || Main Master List || Tag Lists

The dividers below were created by @saradika

Over the next two weeks, Dean did whatever he could to avoid being around Y/N. He was determined that the morning at the river was simply going to be a weird one off. It was some kind of reaction to Y/N’s unfamiliar presence. Her emotions and her rose-colored outlook on the world had contaminated him somehow.

He didn’t know why, but there was something about her that always made him question his decisions, constantly rework his plans. She just brought something out in him, so he stayed the hell away from her as much as possible.

He knew she’d set up the school and begun teaching. But there again, she’d made him change his plans. The plan had been to use the sheds behind the cabin for storage; that was the whole reason for building them!

But apparently Y/N had worked her magic with Brandy and before he knew it the sensible, practical woman had him convinced to let Y/N and the kids take up one of their very limited storage spaces, just to sit around doing algebra and reading poetry - or whatever she was teaching them.

It was ridiculous.

But even though he avoided her during the day, there was no turning off his brain at night, when he closed his eyes and visions of her soft curves and the memory of her silky skin beneath his fingers plagued his thoughts. He told himself to smarten up, that he had so many more important things to be thinking about.

He decided he just needed sex; it had been too long. So one night he showed up in Risa’s tent after midnight and she opened her arms to him the way she always did.

But as he kissed her and moved his hands over her body, her gentle sighs and soft moans weren’t doing what he needed them to, and he realized he was being an asshole trying to replace one woman with another. Risa was a good soldier and she’d been a soft place for him to land too many times to just use her as a distraction.

So he got up and left, giving her a lame excuse, “I forgot I have to be up early tomorrow to…go over things with Johnston.” He tried not to notice Risa’s frown. He couldn't tell if she was mad or sad, and he didn't really want to stick around to find out.

As the days moved on, he realized it was next to impossible to completely avoid Y/N, whether day or night. Because no matter how he tried to ignore her, he saw her influence everywhere. He could sense a shift in the air, he swore people were smiling more and every once in a while, he could hear kids laughing loudly.

That was a foreign sound nowadays, and it unnerved him. And smiling seemed foolish. What was there to smile about? Being happy just invited tragedy. He knew in the old days he would have been called a pessimist. But he was simply being a realist as he'd always been. He called things as they were, and he wasn't about to let a pretty smile and a bouncy attitude change that.

One evening, about a month after Y/N arrived at the camp, Dean was headed to the storage shed to take a thorough inventory before they left the next day on a raid - one of their last before the snows came in mid November. He knew they were gonna need more propane than what they had stored in order to run the generator over the winter. The generator ran the fridge and freezer where they kept their food stored.

It could also power the electricity in the big cabin for a little while if needed. There had been nearly a week last winter that had been so piercingly cold that they’d all needed to jam themselves into the cabin and run the electric heat as much as possible. It had simply been too cold for the little camp stoves in the tents; the wood-burning stoves just couldn’t generate enough heat to combat the intense cold that seeped through the thick canvas walls.

So their generator had saved them, and it ran on propane, which meant they needed more than enough to last through another possible cold snap.

Dean had deliberately waited to start the task until it was nearly sundown since the school would be empty by then and he could avoid running into the teacher that worked there.

But as he approached the small building he could see a wavering light in the window - a lamp moving towards him. Before he could turn and leave (he wasn’t going to call it running away) Y/N stepped out into the semi-darkness and gasped as she saw him standing there.

She put the hand not holding the kerosene lamp to her chest. “Oh my lord!” She breathed out raggedly. “You scared me half to death.” But she was chuckling as she said it and walked closer to him.

He cleared his throat. “Yeah, I uh…I thought you’d be gone.” He knew he sounded slightly accusatory. “Why are you still here? Haven’t the kids been gone for hours?”

Y/N nodded. “Yeah. I came back to put up the gift we got from Tom Richardson.” She waved him towards the building behind her. “You should come see the school.”

Dean shook his head. “No, I’ve got…I have to -”

She cut him off with wide, pleading eyes. “Please?” She added a bright, imploring smile and Dean shook his head. Why was he even bothering to say no to her at this point? He gestured for her to lead the way into the little building and he followed at a distance.

They walked in and she set the lamp on the small table in the corner and turned it up full so that it completely lit up the tiny room. She held her arms out to the sides, showing off her little schoolroom with pride.

“What do you think?”

He shook his head. “It’s uh…pretty empty.” He said looking around.

Y/N shrugged and seemed a little deflated. “It’s a work in progress.”

Dean grunted his acknowledgement and continued his sweep of the room. On the floor against the back, Northern, wall were a couple of piles of wool blankets, and right above them was a mural of multicolored leaves stuck to the wall.

When she saw him looking at it and frowning, Y/N explained. “I got the kids to find a bunch of pretty, fallen leaves, and then we used some tree sap as glue to stick them up. I got to teach them a little bit about trees and ecosystems, and we also made something pretty to hang on the wall.”

He nodded at the blankets. “Is that where the kids sit?”

“Yeah.” She said with another shrug. “We’re a little packed in, but it keeps us warm. The blankets just take the chill out of the floor and make it a bit softer to sit on.”

Dean nodded absently and looked left, his eye catching on the only other object in the room. It was a paper map hanging on the western wall, held in place by two small nails.

Dean frowned again. “Is that a map of America?”

Y/N nodded excitedly. “Yeah, that was the gift from Tom Richardson. It was so kind of him. His son, Jonah is a sweet little guy, but I guess he’s been pretty quiet over the last year or so. He lost his mom just before he and Tom got to Chitaqua?” She said, clearly using the words as a question to see if he knew who she was talking about.

Dean nodded, a vague recollection coming to his mind of a big burly guy and a scrawny little kid. He remembered thinking the guy would be a hard worker, and the kid probably wasn’t gonna make it. He’d looked pretty sick.

Y/N continued. “Well, I guess since he started school he’s been talking more in the evenings, even asking Tom questions about The Knights of the Round Table. I’ve been sharing some of the legends with them this week. So, Tom was grateful and as a thank you, he gave us this map that he’d kept tucked away in his backpack all this time. Said it made him feel peaceful to look at it and remember better times. But he thought we could use it more.”

She smiled wistfully and gazed at the slightly ratty map.

“Why?” Dean asked with a slight jolt in his gut. He waved at the map. “It’s not like this anymore.”

Y/N nodded and lowered her gaze to the ground. “Yeah, I know, but the general shape of the country is still the same, and I can use it as half geography, half history.”

When she looked back up at him, her face was set in lines of disappointment. She waved her hand to encompass the whole hundred and fifty square feet. “You don’t like it?” She asked with a weak chuckle.

Dean shrugged. “No it's, I mean, it’s fine. You know, work in progress, like you said.”

Y/N nodded and smiled, looking a little bolstered. “Yeah, slow but sure. And you know,” her smile turned shy, “I’ve really wanted to thank you for giving up the space for the school, I know this wasn’t what the shed was earmarked for.”

Dean cleared his throat. “Yeah, well, Brandy made sense. Can’t have the kids wandering around outside after the cold comes.”

Y/N frowned. “I’ve wanted to thank you, but every time I’ve looked for you, I seem to have just missed you.”

Dean scowled defensively. “Just busy.”

Y/N nodded.

“Well look,” Dean said, backing away, “I gotta get to…stuff.” He shook his head. “I mean, we’re leaving on a raid tomorrow and I gotta prepare for it.”

“Oh, be careful.” Y/N said, biting her lip in concern.

It was far too hard for Dean to rip his eyes away from where her teeth sunk into the satiny sweep of her bottom lip. But he jerked his head up and then spun away as he answered her. “Always am.”

***

The raid was successful; in fact it was one of the most successful ones they’d ever had. They’d traveled all the way to St. Louis, hoping to find some gas stations there that hadn’t been picked clean. But they had no luck. Since going home empty-handed wasn’t an option, they went North to Springfield and hit the jackpot.

They found an old Costco on the outskirts of the city that had barely been hit. They filled and loaded up enough propane tanks to see them through the winter and then some.

They also loaded up as much food as they could, and even found some usable meds left in the pharmacy there. They grabbed clothes and kitchen things like plates and pots, utensils, also managing to find a few things that had become rare and quite precious, like eyeglasses and sunglasses. They also found spare tires and car parts, and a few simple pieces of practical furniture. They took as much as they could load into the back of two trucks and a Jeep.

Dean packed up one more big box, setting it on top of the others; it was just something he thought might come in handy. He refused to think too long about why he’d gathered together the things in the box.

They made it back to camp less than two days after they left, a record for a raid. They usually took a week or more because they had to scavenge through a bunch of different cities, and fight off masses of Croats. But this time, they didn't see any Croats at all, and they'd scored an incredible haul quickly, which meant that, barring some kind of catastrophe, they wouldn't have to go out again until the snow melted.

They pulled into the camp around noon and Dean spent a few hours helping to unload the trucks and organize where everything went. When the campers saw the piles of booty in the trucks, people actually started clapping. An air of joviality pervaded as they all worked together to put things away until the next day. At which point they'd begin accounting for it all, sharing what was needed immediately, and then safely storing away the rest.

Y/N and her students left their little schoolroom to come help as well and the kid’s eyes were wide and excited, looking at everything that had been brought back as though it was Christmas Eve.

When everything was unloaded, Dean grabbed the box he’d put aside and brought it to Y/N who’d returned to the school to drop off the two folding chairs she’d claimed for the classroom.

He knocked on the open door, grateful for the hard wood beneath his knuckles this time. Y/N turned to face him and her eyes were almost as bright and excited as the kids’.

“Hi!” She said enthusiastically. “Wow, you guys sure brought home the bacon on this raid!”

Dean shook his head. “No bacon. It was fairly rancid.”

Y/N chuckled lightly and scrunched up her nose. “Yeah, wise decision to leave that behind.”

Dean nodded and set the big box on the plywood floor with a heavy thump. “This is for you. For the school.” He amended.

Y/N looked a bit dumbfounded for a moment and her eyes got even rounder before she dropped to her knees and pulled open the flaps of the box.

When she saw what was inside her gasp was deep and her hands flew to her mouth. She looked up at him in complete shock before reaching reverently into the box to take out one of the books that sat inside.

“Books.” She whispered, as she stared at the paperback in her hands. She reached into the box again and pulled out another book and then another and another until her arms were full of them.

She looked up at him, tears falling and her gaze rapturous. “Oh my god, Dean.”

Dean felt his face flush and he looked away, crossing his arms over his chest. “Just figured the classroom could use ‘em and they were just sitting there on the shelves. There’s a bunch of kids books underneath,” he said pointing inside the box. “And paper and pencils and some crayons, a few coloring books. There weren’t many of them so-”

He was interrupted as Y/N dropped the books back into the box and launched herself at him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed tight. He stood stock still for a minute before he patted her back awkwardly and dropped his arms back to his side.

She pulled back and brushed away her happy tears, sniffling loudly. “Sorry. I just…” She knelt down again and picked up another book, holding it tight to her chest. She shook her head. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed books. It’s been years since I’ve even seen one let alone had the chance to read one.”

She reached in for one of the children’s books and laughed. “Oh my gosh, the kids are gonna be ecstatic.”

Dean shrugged, thoroughly embarrassed by Y/N’s joy and gratitude. He cleared his throat before speaking. “There’s a limited supply of paper and pencils, and I have no idea how long it will be before we find more, if we ever do, so…”

He trailed off and Y/N put the books back into the box and folded the flaps closed again. “So, we’ll be sure to write very tiny, erase a lot, and wear the pencils down to little nubs.” She said as she stood and bent to heft the box up from the floor. Dean stepped forward to grab it from her as she staggered slightly beneath its weight.

“You’ll break your back.” Dean barked at her as he reached for the box.

But she just shook her head and turned away with the box still in her arms. “N’ah I’m stronger than I look.” She said, huffing and puffing as she dropped it onto the table.

Dean shook his head. Yeah, I bet you are. He thought.

After a moment Y/N turned and walked slowly back towards him. “So, I can’t exactly buy you dinner as a thank you. But if you bring your rations over to our tent, I can cook them all up for us.”

She smiled at him, friendly and sweet, but Dean was backing away. “No, that’s not necessary.”

“I know it isn’t, but it will make me feel good to do this one small favor for you in return for this amazingness.” She said with a wave towards the box.

Dean planned to say no, had it on the tip of his tongue but when he opened his mouth what came out was, “Okay.”

So barely an hour later he found himself sitting at her table with dinner laid out in front of him. It was a sufficiently celebratory meal of salted venison from an eight point buck the camp hunters had taken down in early summer, boiled potatoes, and a can of green beans that was older than Emma.

It was the best meal Dean had eaten in a long time.

After the food was finished and the dishes were washed, Y/N made them a cup of coffee and he sat drinking it as she settled Emma into bed with a kiss. His stomach was full of decent food, the coffee smelled old but still strong, and the sound of Y/N’s soft voice as she tucked her daughter in, was incredibly soothing. He found himself relaxing into his chair in a way he hadn’t in a very long time. His muscles lost some of their rigidity and he breathed out a long sigh, as though he’d been holding his breath for too long.

After a few minutes Y/N came back to the table and sat down with her own soft exhale. She took a sip of her coffee and then looked at Dean over the rim of her tin cup. “You know, I don’t think you really understand what you’ve done here.”

Dean cocked his head and raised an eyebrow, questioning her. She smiled and set down her cup, shifting slightly in her chair.

“Since all of this started, we’ve been on the move, Emma and I. In the beginning, when Emma was still a baby, I’d come across different groups of people and we’d travel together for a while or we’d manage to hole up somewhere for the winter and wait out the cold together. But inevitably the groups always fell away; sometimes we’d just decide to go in separate directions, but sometimes animosity or greed would take over and violence would erupt. People would fight over who was in charge and they’d fight over resources.” Y/N shook her head. “It almost always ended up a disaster.”

She shrugged. “So after a while, I just lit out on my own with Emma. It was scary as hell, of course - no back up, no partners, all on my own with a four year old. But it also meant no one stealing my stuff, or throwing me to the wolves at the first sign of trouble.”

She took another sip of coffee and Dean wondered at the shadows in her usually bright eyes. What stories in her past had created them?

Her voice was soft when she continued. “It’s been incredibly hard and there’s been,” her eyelashes fluttered and closed, “there's been a lot of bad.”

She set down her cup and sat back in her chair, rubbing at her eyes with her fingers like she was scratching out the images behind her eyelids.

When she looked at him again, her eyes were soft and warm. “So, to come here, to see what you’ve accomplished in just a few years?” Her voice was full of wonder. “Dean, it’s like a miracle. I mean you’ve made it safe here, at least a hell of a lot safer than anywhere else out there - there are guards protecting us! People work together, contribute their skills and strengths for the benefit of the group as well as themselves.”

She shook her head. “I haven’t seen anything like it in a very long time. What you’ve created here is an oasis.”

Dean snorted at that. “Oasis?” He asked incredulously. Her praise and wonderment made him feel an itchy kind of awkwardness. He didn’t deserve it.

But Y/N was nodding solemnly. “Yes. It’s a safe haven in a world filled with evil. What would you call it?”

Dean took a gulp of coffee and then licked his lips, looking at her for a moment before speaking. “Y/N this is only an oasis in the sense that it’s a mirage in a desert; it’s an illusion. We’re managing to get by through lucky choices and good timing. We push through from day to day, but I’m telling you this whole place could fall apart in an instant. One long, bad, winter, or one coordinated attack from another camp or a pack of Croats, and we’re done.”

He paused to try and let that sink in before continuing. “And the survivors here work together because it’s beneficial to them. But if things get desperate again,” he looked at her pointedly, “don’t think for one second that they'll hesitate to throw you to the wolves like all the others.” He shrugged. “It’s human nature, survival of the fittest, and anyone who thinks otherwise is gonna get trampled.”

He said it as a warning, still determined to dislodge the Pollyanna ideal of good and virtuous humanity from her mind.

But Y/N just smiled and leaned across the table to squeeze his hand. “Guess we’ll see. But in the meantime, you should be proud. No matter what happens, you’ve done good.”

Dean swallowed down the rest of his coffee in one gulp and stood up, pulling his hand away from her warm touch. He was desperate to get away from the softness and understanding in her gaze. He thanked her for cooking dinner and left quickly, promising himself as he walked back to his tent that he wasn’t going to do that again.

But as with most things to do with Y/N that decision didn’t last long, and soon enough that one evening turned into a bit of a ritual. Every few days or so Dean would show up with some of his rations and Y/N would combine them with what they had, and they’d all eat together at their tiny table.

Every time he left her tent, he told himself he’d had his last meal there with Y/N and Emma. Yet within a few days, he’d be back again. He told himself it was just something to break the monotony of camp life, just something a little different from the ordinary.

But the truth was he was beginning to crave the evenings spent across from Y/N, listening to her rattle on about her students and their achievements, or else answering her seemingly endless questions about the camp and how it had come to be. He even enjoyed listening to her talk to Emma, telling her stories before she tucked her in for the night.

Once the little girl was asleep, Dean usually hightailed it out of there, because without the kid as a buffer it became much harder to ignore Y/N’s inviting lips and tempting curves.

But one night, three weeks after returning home from the raid, Y/N followed him outside as he abruptly left the tent.

“Dean.” She called after him.

The sun had set almost an hour before and the night was dark and cold; Dean returned to her side and admonished her. “It’s freezing out here, go back inside.”

Y/N just rubbed her hands up and down her arms and shrugged. “I’m fine.”

He shook his head at her stubbornness, and then waited silently. When she didn’t say anything right away he spread his arms wide.

“What?” He asked impatiently.

“I just…” Y/N stuttered for a moment. “I just wanted to say that I really like when you come for dinner.”

Dean clenched his jaw as she looked up at him with heat in her gaze, an invitation in her eyes, plain as day. He told himself to walk away but instead, he raised his hand to trail his fingers down her cheek.

“You should go inside.” He warned her again, even as he lowered his head towards her. “S’cold.”

Y/N shook her head. “I’m very warm.” She smiled and licked her lips and it was his undoing.

He yanked her up against him and crushed her lips with his own. He plundered her mouth with his tongue, inhaling her sweet scent and hardening at the way she clutched the front of his jacket and whimpered softly. He moved his hands so that one clutched at her waist and the other one grabbed hold of the back of her head so he could keep her pressed to him tightly.

He didn't know how long he would have continued kissing her, or whether he might have taken things even further. But luckily there was a loud noise of something crashing somewhere in camp, followed by laughter.

The sound was like a bucket of cold water being poured on him and Dean ripped himself away from Y/N's mouth. They were both breathing heavily, panting really.

“Fuck.” Dean swore roughly before he turned abruptly and left. He fully admitted to himself that this time, he was definitely running away.

***

Dean barely slept and woke up the next day berating himself for the night before. For fuck’s sake he’d been making out with Y/N with her kid just on the other side of a canvas wall - kissing her in the wide open, where any other camper might have walked by. He didn’t need things to be more complicated than they were already.

As the morning wore on, he made up his mind to talk to Y/N that very afternoon. He'd just tell her straight out that what happened between them just couldn't happen again. It was only going to confuse things and make everything harder than it needed to be.

He nodded; he could do this. He was practical and he didn't hem and haw or tiptoe around things. He'd just tell her straight out how things were going to be.

He knew she'd be in the big cabin as the school day ended, so he walked over and stepped inside the door, hoping she'd be almost done for the day.

Ever since he brought her the books, she'd been reading to the kids at the end of every school day. Parents had started swinging by the school, ostensibly to meet their kids, but really, they wanted to watch their kids' faces and listen to their giggles as Y/N read the stories in funny voices and occasionally got the kids to join her in acting out silliness from the books.

But the crowd of parents and kids had gotten a bit too big for the tiny schoolroom, so on the last day of every week, Y/N had taken to reading to the kids and parents together in the big cabin. The adults usually sat on the floor behind the kids, keeping their hands busy with mending clothes or knitting, or else they stood at a table and worked on something like repairing holes in tents or making snares for the hunters. The work allowed them to justify their enjoyment of the stories.

As Dean walked inside now, Y/N was finishing up the storybook in her hand. He could see it was The Paper Bag Princess and Y/N was on the last page.

“‘Ronald’, said Elizabeth, ‘your clothes are really pretty and your hair is very neat.” Y/N read aloud in Elizabeth’s decisive voice.

“You look like a real prince. But you,” Y/N paused for effect, “are a bum.’”

All the kids were giggling as she read the last line.

“They didn't get married after all.”

The kids clapped and even the parents were chuckling at the way the paper bag princess had put the snooty prince in his place.

“I love that story!!” A little redheaded girl in the front gushed.

“It's my mommy's favorite story.” Emma said loudly. “Right Mommy?”

Y/N nodded. “When I was your age for sure.”

Dean pushed away from the wall he was leaning on, trying to signal Y/N so she'd hurry up and finish. But the little girl in the front demanded her full attention as she bounced up to lean against Y/N's knees where she sat in the chair.

“Cause your mommy read it to you?”

Dean was seriously considering ordering everyone out. He wanted to get this over with.

But Y/N's next words stopped him dead in his tracks.

She was shaking her head as she tucked the little girl's red hair behind her ear. “No, my mommy passed away a long time ago when I was just a baby. So she never really got to read me stories.”

Y/N kept talking, but Dean only heard a hot, pulsing, rushing sound in his ears. A million thoughts were slamming through his mind at once as he felt a cold shiver run through him.

He yelled over the sound of the people around him beginning to chatter and get ready to leave.

“How?”

Y/N looked up at his bellow, her face shocked. “What?”

Dean was aware of his surroundings only just enough to brusquely order everyone out of the cabin.

“Now!” He barked and the mood in the room shifted quickly as parents grabbed up their children and gave The Boss a wide berth as his eyes burned at Y/N like green fire.

Everyone disappeared and it was just Y/N, Dean and Emma left.

Dean felt his heart hammering in his chest as he took a step back from where she stood.

Y/N's face was completely confused and clearly perplexed. “Dean what-”

He cut her off. “How?” He bellowed again before swallowing and asking in a slightly quieter tone. “How did your mother die when you were a baby?”

Y/N shook her head. “Why? What are you-”

“Answer me.” Dean's voice wasn't loud, but his words were clipped and he could hear the steel behind his words, feel the cold seeping into his bones as the tumblers in his mind fell into place, opening the lock concealing the reason behind Y/N’s miraculous survival of the virus.

Y/N blinked rapidly for a moment before exhaling slowly. “It was a - a fire. Some kind of electrical short or something.”

“In your nursery.” Dean said softly.

Y/N shrugged, her face scrunched up in confusion. “I'm not sure. My dad didn't really like to talk about it.”

As he stood staring at the woman with the bloodshot eyes, a moment from so long ago, once again from that first time they'd faced the Croatoan virus, materialized in his memory.

Again his brother's face bloomed in his mind, and he heard his own voice speaking.

“I swear I'm gonna lose sleep over this one. I mean why here, why now?”

And Sam's bewildered reply. “And why was I immune?”

Well now he knew why his brother had been immune. Because Yellow Eyes had wanted him to be, to make him a better soldier, a better, more powerful psychic to lead his demon army. And of course, he’d needed to be sure Lucifer's true vessel was strong and able enough to withstand the demon germ warfare he planned to release upon the world as a way to kickstart the apocalypse.

Dean stared at Y/N, angry beyond belief. Angry at her and what she really was, angry at himself for taking so long to figure it out and for falling for her game, and unbelievably angry at the universe for proving once again that it was laughing at him.

His voice was ice when he spoke. “What kind of psychic are you? What can you do?” He shook his head. “What have you done already?"

Jensen RPF and Any/All Characters:

@lyarr24

@lacilou

@deans-spinster-witch

@globetrotter28

@suckitands33

@akshi8278

@evznackles

@jackles010378

@impala67rollingthroughtown

@krazykelly

@candy-coated-misery0731

@envyaurora95

@spnwoman

@deans-baby-momma

Dean Fics Only:

@roonthelittlespoon920

@slamminmine

@zepskies

Any/All Fics Regardless of Character or Fandom:

@kazsrm67

@slut-for-evans-stan

@sexyvixen7

@nancymcl

@waywardcheshire

Everything Incl. Fan Edits:

@k-slla

@leigh70

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@kickingitwithkirk

@foxyjwls007

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@roseblue373

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@all-alone-he-turns-to-stone

@deangirl96

@hobby27

#dean winchester x reader #endverse!dean #endverse!dean x reader #dean winchester fan fic #endverse #endverse series #endverse!dean series #dean winchester angst #dean winchester smut #dean winchester fluff

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w3bheadz · 8 months

Note

Heyy I've never done a request before but I hope you'd like to respond to it! ^^

I wondered what Peeta Mellark’s and Johanna Mason’s rather smutty headcanons would be. But I don’t necessarily ask for both of their headcanons of course!! If you’re comfortable with only writing about one of them it would already bring me much joy to read!!

Greetings and love💕

Hi! Just doing some catch ups and writing out requests, I have a few hcs for each, so I'll just do a few hunger games nsfw hcs :) I also will clarify that all of these headcanons are post rebellion and all of the characters are over 18. I'm going to keep it to 5 each, but I have so many more for all of them

Katniss Everdeen ♫↬ She's a top lean switch

♫↬ She isn't very experienced, but don't let that stop her, she's good at what she does ♫↬ If she has a rough day, she likes to destress with her head between your thighs or vise versa ♫↬ She's a jealous thing, so if someone flirts with you, she's keep her hands on you but when you two are finally alone, she'll mark you up so you'll remember that you're hers ♫↬ she's slow and soft, so she doesn't really do quickies, but it it presents itself and you're in the mood, it'll have to do, and she's okay at aftercare, not fully indepth but she will clean up and check on you with some water

Peeta Mellark ♫↬ He's a bottom, theres no way he can top unless he has major motivation. that being said, quickies in public are a no go because he's really loud ♫↬ one of his major turn ons is seeing you wear his clothes ♫↬ he has mommy issues, of course he has a praise kink, and he also has a thing for his hair being pulled ♫↬ he has no previous experience, but he wants to learn, so you teach him. he doesn't care what position you're in, as long as he can see your face anything is good ♫↬ he's amazing with aftercare. he has snacks in the bedside table and little bottles of water, gives you a bath and washes your hair for you, all of the things

Johanna Mason

♫↬ She's a top, she doesn't like to bottom ever. ♫↬ she's rough, she's touchy, and damn is she possessive. if someone flirts with you, she's on you like flies on honey. she isn't one for pda but this is the exception. ♫↬ she isn't good at apologies. when you're upset with her, she'll spend hours between your thighs, getting you to forget why you were even mad in the first place. ♫↬ she's a hands on learner. when you are both starting out, she takes her time to map out every inch of your body with her hands over and over again until its memorized ♫↬ her aftercare game is pretty good, she always makes sure to have some water and a couple of towels on hand just incase.

Finnick Odair

♫↬ He's a switch, I don't think he has a preference ♫↬ Because of his trauma with sexual situations, he always wants to make sure he has your consent before he does literally anything. He's a very gentle guy. that being said, he doesn't really get jealous, because at the end of the day, he knows whos bed you'll end up in at the end of the night. ♫↬ he loves to tease. he's amazing with his tongue (i mean have you SEEN the water scene in catching fire??) and even better with his dick. he knows how to hit every spot that makes you scream ♫↬ he's got a praise kink. call him a goodboy and he is gone ♫↬ he's really sweet when it comes to aftercare. He's whisper sweet nothings into your ear while he cleans you up and then he'll cuddle you to sleep. there is not a singular time he has ever forgotten aftercare because of some sexual trauma from the capitol.

Tag List: @jhutchissupercool @taylor9736

Requests are open :)

@mxdnights0

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thisreadswhatever · 1 year

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Anything For The Club: Part One

series masterlist

[description]: jax teller x female reader, reader x oc characters

[wordcount]: 1.8k+

[summary]: Being Jax's old lady definitely has it's perks, but when a new crew comes into Diosa, your loyalty to the club and Jax is pushed to limits you didn't think possible.

[series cw]: 18+ minors do not interact! female reader, swearing, sexual harassment/assault (non-canon characters), alcohol use, mix of fluff, smut and angst throughout, p in v sex, teasing, violence, gun use, mentions of blood, murder, blackmail

[authors note]: no smut in this part, but it's on the way! this fic has been a long time coming, after i finally found the courage to take on this request! (thank you again!) i had to get creative with coming up with a fictional gang.. this was not my strongest point but i'm pretty happy with how it turned out. i'm planning on getting these parts rolled out pretty quick as i've got majority of this fic complete. let me know if you want to be added to the tag list. i really hope you all enjoy this one, as i'm enjoying writing it! :)

Friday nights were always packed at Diosa since you had started managing the place, and tonight was no different. You walked confidently up the long hall from your office, into the buzzing lobby full of your girls flirting with the clientele, music blaring and drinks flowing.

You had really made a turn of the place since taking over the business alongside Nero, Jax gifted you his share after you’d given up your previous job for the club. You both had agreed you’d stop working in the escort industry, and although the money you made was a huge loss to your lifestyle, you were willing to do it to be his old lady.

You used everything you had learned from your old life to create an enhanced version of Diosa, one that was inclusive and prioritised the women you hired, as a result it was utterly thriving. The Club was grateful for it too, they spent countless hours swooning over the amazing girls you hired, who were only the best of the best. You were a staple within the SAMCRO Charter after the years you and Jax had been together. You were known as the main handler of all things outside club business. The men of the Club respected you, the girls of Diosa wanted to be you, and in all honesty you had never been happier.

The only thing different about tonight was that the Club wasn’t here. Jax and the guys were finishing a run down south near the border, and although you never asked for details, you knew the fact the entire crew had to be there meant it was a big one.

The men who frequented Diosa knew not to step out of line as they feared the consequences that could follow with it being a known SAMCRO hot spot. When the Club’s presence wasn’t intimidating the clientele, you found the likes of all types walking through your doors, from in and outside of Charming. This never did concern you, knowing you could handle yourself and almost anything you couldn’t was easily taken care of with the backing of the Club behind you.

You helped the girls on the bar with the demand, assisting pouring drinks and taking cash. The reason your girls worked here and nowhere else was because you treated them like humans, and they loved you for it. You demanded they have respect from the clients, and their thanks to you was the huge profit they made.

You walked from one end of the lobby to the other, helping the bar staff and listening in on your girls' conversations with their clients. A group of men you hadn’t seen before caught your attention as they walked through the entrance. They were six tall and pretty handsome guys, though they seemed a little rough around the edges. They were suited in leather and denim, their patches reading “VAGOS”. You’d heard the name from conversations with Jax and your time with the Club, but had never seen them in Charming before. They were known for dealing with the cartels further south of California. Not the exact kind of people you wanted in Diosa without The Club around, but you weren’t about to turn away the potential cash they had to spend.

Nero leaned over the bar, speaking to you as he eyed the men up. “Maybe we should call The Club.”

You shook your head at him as you continued to pour drinks, “No no, don’t bother The Club. Nothing we can’t handle.”

You strutted over to the group, a tray of drinks in hand, smiling politely. “Welcome to Diosa. The girls are just this way, treat them right and they’ll do the same.” You gestured towards the available rooms. The tallest member of the group smiled back at you, “We appreciate your hospitality.” You noticed the patch on his front stating ‘PRESIDENT’. The men nodded thankfully, and took the drinks from your tray as they dispersed into the lobby. The pack’s leader stayed behind, lingering at the bar.

You walked back to Nero, who was now at the front desk watching the exchange. “They won’t be any trouble.”, you assured him.

Nero laughed softly, “you do have a way with men, chica. But these guys are from way south, they ain’t no joke.”

“They don’t look so big and bad to me”, you shrugged.

“Just keep a close eye on them, any funny business and they’re out of here.”

“You know I don’t put up with bullshit, Nero.” You smiled at him reassuringly, as you turned on your heels, heading back towards the bar.

The President was still there, drinking a straight whiskey from a short glass, watching the girls around the lobby do their thing. On occasion his eyes would meet yours, and you could sense the meaning behind them when he held your stare.

You and Jax had agreed you wouldn’t get involved with the clientele, not only for Jax but because you were done with that life. You were happy to flirt and tease the clients, but it never went further than that, and it definitely wasn't a good idea to get involved with the President of another gang.

You continued to work throughout the night, kicking out belligerent drunks and handling business as usual. You were headed back behind the bar when the leader interrupted you, “you’re Teller's old lady, ain’t that right?” He seemed curious in tone, and despite the fuck-me-eyes, you didn’t get the sense that this guy was at all threatening.

“That's me. Seen any girls you like?”

"I sure have." His eyes scrolled up and down your body as he spoke.

You shook your head at him. "I just run this place. But if you follow me, I can get you a room with our finest girl."

He ignored your offer, “what’s a fine woman like you doing with a guy like that? You could get any man in California and instead you’re with a SON?”

You looked at him warily, unimpressed by his blatant disrespect towards Jax. You were used to the harmless flirting and banter from your clientele, but this guy was just rude.

“Is there something wrong with Presidents of Motorcycle Clubs?”, sarcasm plaguing your tone.

He raised his eyebrows chuckling, “and where is the Pres? I don’t see him here..”, he looked around the lobby, searching for someone he knew he wouldn’t find. “How about you come sit on me instead.”

You scoffed at his advance, turning toward one of your staff before you left the bar. “Could you get this President another drink, Mandy?”

Mandy was the hardest working girl on your staff. She was utterly gorgeous with long flowing black hair and a smile all the men swooned for. She had stepped back from working in the rooms to your dismay, but she was too good to let go. As a result she ended up in charge of the bar, handling takings and stock, and she really enjoyed it. You both had known each other long before Diosa, and you knew she could handle him.

Mandy answered you with a grin and nodded to the man, “what can I get for you?”

He smiled back at her and asked for another whiskey, watching you storm off towards your office. He seemed generally harmless even if he was rude as hell, but there was something about him made your skin crawl.

Your cell phone started to ring in your back pocket as you moved down the hallway. The feeling of unease disappeared as soon as you heard his voice on the other end of the line.

“How’s my girl?”

You slumped into your office chair, calm instantly. “Missing you.”

“Me too, darlin’. We thought we’d be heading back by now but there’s been more heat than we expected.”

“When will you be home?”

“Looking like tomorrow now. Really sorry, babe. How’s Diosa?”

You felt there was no point in giving him details about the gang members in the lobby, it would just be another thing for him to worry about.

“Busy as usual” you beamed. “I’ll be counting down the hours till you're back.”

“I’ll be there before you know it. Get home safe, okay?”

“You too. Love you.”

“Love you more, babe.”

You put your phone in your back pocket and headed out of the office, bracing yourself for the next annoying thing the drunk President at your bar had to say. As you walked through the long hallway back to the lobby, you could see him standing in the entry way. There was no way you could avoid him as he was totally blocking your exit.

“You lost? The girls are this way.” You pointed towards the lobby, hoping he’d follow. Instead, he moved inward, eliminating the space between you both.

“Actually I was looking for you, sweetheart.” He placed his hand along the back of your thigh, trying to bring you closer.

You pulled back from him, removing his hand sharply. “We have plenty of girls who will interest you. I’ll show you the way.” You tried to squeeze past him, looking for an escape.

He put his arm across your chest, placing his hand on the wall, making it impossible for you to move. He was looking down at you, his eyes dark and cloudy from the whiskey. The feeling that this man wasn’t a threat to you now waivered. This wasn’t a guy you wanted to be alone with.

“My interest has already peaked, little lady.”

You pushed his arm off your chest, snapping back at him, “I said I’m not available."

He leaned further into you, whispering in your ear, "I know old lady's like you can keep a secret, sweetheart. Nobody's gotta know."

You pushed with all your weight against his chest, and with the help of the several whiskey's he'd had, you managed to knock him unstable, and he fumbled into the wall. "I said no. Now you and your guys need to get out of here.”

He stood himself up straight, scoffing in disgust. “So much for hospitality. You ain’t nothing special anyway.”

He stomped off into the lobby as he called out to the other members. “Let’s go. We’re leaving this shithole.”

They quickly followed, a few of them protesting as they had to leave the ladies behind. The President looked over his shoulder at you as the members ran out the door, any kindness completely void in his eyes. He slammed the entrance door behind them, and they were gone.

Nero looked over to you from the front desk as he watched you at the bar, pouring yourself a shot of bourbon. “What the fuck did I miss?”

You had taken two shots by the time you responded. “Just an unwanted advance and an extremely fragile ego.” You took another shot, ignoring the burning as the liquid made its way down your throat. “I’m fine.”

“Knew those guys were assholes. You should head home, I’ll close up tonight.”

“You sure? I’m okay, honest. I can stay with you.”

He shook his head, “just get home and let me know when you’re back safe.” He took the bottle from you, placing it back behind the bar.

“Thanks, Nero. Really appreciate you.”

You knocked back your final shot before leaving Diosa for the night.

———

part two

#jax teller #sons of anarchy #jax teller fiction #jax teller smut #sons of anarchy fic #jax teller imagine #charlie hunnam #sons of anarchy x reader #soa x reader #nero padilla x reader #soa #soa imagine

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reasonsforhope · 1 year

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One of the things that I really appreciate about this blog is that now, every now and then, when I hear about some new awful thing in the world, it will be in the context of "and this is what people are doing to fight it". That's so much less paralyzing.

(If you have any sources to recommend for experiencing more of that, me and my mental health would be further indebted.)

Ahhh, I forgot about this message, sorry! Been a hectic couple of months.

I absolutely have more sources!

One of the biggest is the media collaboration The Solutions Journalism Network, which focuses on just that: closing the massive gap between people reporting on problems and people reporting solutions.

I have a giant bookmark list of sources for this blog, for good news stories and hope, so here's a bunch of links! Roughly in order of how good I think they are (in terms of size of stories, previously uncovered stories, good editorial standards, accuracy, detail, number of stories, etc. etc.)

We're gonna start with the ones that do good news ONLY, because sometimes you fucking need that, and then below I'll link some excellent sources that have a higher than average number of quality pieces on good news, even though they also publish other stuff too.

Good and hopeful news sources:

Future Crunch - If you only read one of these sites, read this one!!! It's a MASSIVE biweekly roundup of international good news stories with really high quality reporting--a lot of UN and WHO and major NGO reports as their sources. I cry from hope at LEAST 30% of the times I read this, and tbh it used to be like 100%, about a year ago when I started realizing that hope for the planet and for humanity was something that was REASONABLE TO HAVE.

Reasons to Be Cheerful - Fewer stories, but FANTASTIC quality of reporting, especially on fantastic local stories, many of them in international communities, that you've definitely never heard of before

Positive.News - Good coverage and especially roundups, mostly Europe-focused.

Good News Network - This one is awesome for the high number and approachability of its stories, but unfortunately also includes more "That's not news that's just a heartwarming anecdote" and "That's not good news it's actually dystopian" pieces than I'd like.

Jane Goodall's Good For All News - Really awesome focus on international issues, a lot of news from Africa, a lot of news about youth organizers and youth-led projects, and a lot of focus on how helping the environment and helping communities are inextricably connected. Yall Jane Goodall is doing SO MUCH amazing work out there even at her age, and most people also have no idea.

Good Black News - Mostly posts on music and entertainment, and doesn't post all that often, but they're great.

Good Good Good

The Good News Hub

Only Good News Daily

( ) for Tomorrow - Directory of grassroots solutions to all types of issues and "proof that no solution is too small to have an impact"

A Plus - Dedicated to uplifting stories in video form. I'm sure they're awesome, I just don't rly use them bc videos can set off my sensory issues

The Happy Broadcast - Illustrated good news tidbits! I haven't been using them much but it looks like they've (recently?) added more text and sources to each image, so I might change that. Illustrations are pretty cute tbh

Sources that publish a lot of good news, but also other not good stuff:

Euronews.Green - Environmental section of European news org

Yes! Magazine - Excellent solutions-focused journalism, excellent focus on BIPOC content and underrepresented communities

TheMayor.EU - EU-focused, discusses a lot of good projects and cool local developments/programs

Grist - Solutions journalism, fantastic corage especially on environmental issues

Mongabay - Billed as "News & Inspiration from Nature's Frontline," they are amazing and have some of the best goddamn reporting I've ever seen. They mean "frontline" very literally: there's a TON of pieces about and by and interviewing communities on the front lines of environmental conflict, especially developing nations and Indigenous communities world wide. That said there's also a lot of bad news on nature's frontline still, while they report a lot of amazing and powerful good news, make sure you're in a resilient mood when you visit this site, because some of the stories are also pretty upsetting.

Indian Country Today and Native News Online - two of the leading news orgs for Indigenous communities in the United States. Kind of like Mongabay in that they have a lot of good news stories from Indigenous communities that often no one else is reporting on, but also plenty of coverage of things that are definitely not good, so better to read when you're in a resilient mood.

If you have any good news sites/sources you'd like to add, please drop them in the replies or comments! I'm always looking for new good news sources (though I def don't always have time to use all of them, rip!). Plus, let's support these sites by giving them some traffic!

We could all use more ways to get some more good news.

#ask #good news #hope #conservation news #environmental news #human rights #activism

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leclercinvegas · 1 year

Note

24. “You’re a terrible liar.”, with logan sargeant before his first race, he’s feeling nervous/anxious but is pretending not to be? Xx

FIRST RACE JITTERS

who: logan sargeant x reader

authors note: hi sorry i haven't been writing, i've been busy with school and i was away for spring break. i also had massive writer's block, but hopefully, i get the motivation to write again. henceforth why i am writing rn.

summary: logan's got the pre-race jitters before his first grand prix but he is awful at pretending all is okay

prompt: 24. "you're a terrible liar" (from my prompt list)

warnings: anxiety

You could tell Logan was nervous, he was a very touchy person but not like he is right now. It was a lot more touchy than usual. He was laying completely on top of you with his full body weight.

"Everything okay logs?"

"Yeah, no I'm alright don't worry about me, love."

"Logan you are lying directly on top of me something is definitely wrong. You can tell me logs." He said nothing he stayed silent. You could feel his heart rate start increasing slowly as time moved on. "Logan Sargeant look at me right now. I know you're nervous. You're a terrible liar, especially when it comes to this type of stuff."

"I don't know why I'm so nervous. It's not like I've never raced before or like it's my first time in a car. I just can't get the thought of something going wrong and letting everyone down out of my head." You're eyes softened as you heard his reasons for being so nervous.

"Logs, listen to me. Nothing bad will happen to you. Everything will go amazing. You're P2. You have the potential to win. You're going to win and when you do ill be here waiting for you. I'll be cheering you on the entire time. I love you, Logan."

"You stay right here. I have a race to win." He tells you with the sweetest smile you have ever seen as he runs out the door to start getting prepared to get into his car.

It's been a crazy race filled with overtakes and constant battles. Logan and George Russell have been battling for the majority of the race. Until Russell messes up on a corner and makes it easy for Logan to pass him.

You're heart fills with absolute love and passion as you see your boyfriend cross the finish line in first. A smile spreads on your face from ear to ear while yelling and cheering for your boyfriend. "And Logan Sargeant has won his debut Grand Prix! This is incredible!"

After all the post-race cooldown laps, when the men arrive on the podium you see Logan step up onto the highest one. You could not be happier, looking at him from the side of the podiums. That was your boyfriend who won his first Grand Prix.

as i usually say idk how i feel about this one. its very quick but its better than nothing

#logan sargeant imagine #logan sargeant #logan sargeant x reader #formula 1 imagine #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #fanfic #imagines #f1 fandom #imagine #prompt writing #prompt list #my writing

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imaginary-regret-608 · 3 months

Text

[The Amazing Digital Circus/Hazbin Hotel] - AU/Reimagining Masterpost

Thank you to everybody who took part in the recent poll, and the definite majority being seen for 'Yes' in the responses, especially in regards the enthusiastic response from @willowthefoxxo 's Reblog!

To provide context for why I've recently been making Non-Undertale/Deltarune Projects, whilst writing the Second Issue of the SwilTaett NEWSLETTER, I began to question what it would be like if I attempted making Concept Art for similar Indie Communities. But this doesn't mean that the rate of SwilTaett content will be decreasing!

The two projects I'll be showing here will likely be worked on the most when experiencing moments of Burnout whilst working on SwilTaett, or in sudden moments of inspiration.

First, despite being the second of the two in regards to their initial creation date, isThe 5-Star Digital Hospital!

An AU for The Amazing Digital Circus where each of the Humans is based on a respective time period and an individual part of the human body, while still maintaining the style of the source material! Each Cast Member has been renamed and given new lore to fit the time period they're based on (even though none of them are actually from these eras of history), so here are examples for each:

Pomni is now Tricul (Pronounced ‘trick-yull’, based on the scientific name for the stomach because of Pomni consistenly throwing up in both Episode 1/The Pilot and in Candy Carrier Chaos)! 'Tricul' also translates to 'Kicker' in Romanian, which is reflected in Tricul experiencing such an unexpected arrival to this unusual world.

Tricul's Design Style has also been changed to resemble how Pomni looks in The Amazing Digital Circus, with the best examples of how she'll look in later Concept Art seen in the bottom left of the image. Tricul even has her own 'Well, it's possible' Replacement, further hinting towards her representing the stomach.

Kinger is now Fector, based on the Effector muscles and glands seen in the Nervous System. He's also based on the Middle Ages, is noticeably less quick to be startled, and will likely act as a wise mentor to Tricul speaking in a similar way to how Kinger does to Ragatha in Candy Carrier Chaos while riding atop The Fudge.

Zooble is now Promexis (Pronounced ‘prom-E-six’), with the design now being based on Ancient Greek medicine and prosthetic limbs. Whether Promexis has control over these false limbs is quite the mystery among the Humans (in which the answer is yes), and whether they still can if they becomes one of THE INCURABLES (Abstraction Replacement, she does and it's probably one of the hardest FIGHTs).

Gangle is now Nestling, based on the Great Plague, Leeches and the Eye. There isn't as much to say about nestling, other than her Plague Doctor-Inspired appearance, as most of her time is spent crying in the break room.

Although also not dedicated to a specific Human, these Doodles were used to finalize front-facing expressions while also creating a list of Potential Nicknames (although definitely not all of these would be used because of how spontaneously), while also providing the first looks at Ragatha as Rammczi and Jax as Geronimo! Both are based on the Great War as their , but. Rammczi is based on the Heart (based on multiple interpretations of Raggedy Ann and the candy heart she's described as having, such as in 'Raggedy Ann Stories' (the original book by Johnny Gruelle where the painter's Mamma ), 'Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy' (1941, ), 'Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure' (1977, when Ann/Andy sing as a duet in 'Candy Hearts and Paper Flowers' and when 'I'm sorry, and I'd like to help you, but I'm only a ragdoll with a little candy heart-') and the 'Rag Dolly'/'Raggedy Ann: The Musical Adventure' (1986, which is also the only version with the candy heart stitched onto the outside, after Marcella says 'Look! (What?) She has no heart! (Sure she does, inside, you can't see a real baby's-)' before the song 'Carry On' begins)) and nurses seen on the Western Front.

Geronimo is instead based on 'GERTIE, The Wonderfully Trained Dinosaurus' from 1914, which is often regarded as the first animated character with her own personality. Geronimo also exists with the currently-unnamed Bubble Replacement in a group known as the 'Pearly Knights', with Jax represen and currently-unnamed \bubble representing the Wisdom Teeth. The Pearly Knights have their own pre-written lore in the world of the Digital Hospital (which is best seen in the Candy Carrier Chaos Replacement) that Geronimo had nothing to do with, even if he definitely would've if given the chance.

Although not being as different to his toothy counterpart in comparison to the Humans and their Original Versions, it's time to re-introduce Caine as Braine!

bbh (as Braine would've ended up doing surgery on her involuntarily, as Tricul suddenly replaces the Dummy that Braine was planning to use).

Braine having a brother to act as the Replacement to @sm-baby's (sorry for the notification!) Able has been considered and probably does exist somewhere in-universe, but no digital reference exists of him yet. His name would likely be Braune, allowing for the Caine & Able biblical reference to be paralled with 'Brains and Brawn' in The 5-Star Digital Hospital.

The only idea I've had for his design so far is a 3-fingered hand with eyes that resemble fingers, with pupils as the fingernails, which also has a hole in its wrist for the mouth.

There are designs and lore made for the Candy Carrier Chaos Replacement (including Design Reveals for Gummigoo and The Fudge), but I'll be adding that in a Reblog in order to keep this as short as I can due to this post being much longer than average, despite only being the first half.

-----------------------------------------------

The next project is Ring Around the Halo, a reimagining of Hazbin Hotel with new designs and lore, for both Heaven and Hell!

Just like what's happening for The 5-Star Digital Hospital, the lore for Ring Around the Halo will be much more open because of them not being the primary focus of this Tumblr Account. This is why I'll first be introducing this project through God's Design Reveal, as well as the changed structure to Heaven and Hell's Hierarchies!

Because the commonly-accepted design of God in Hazbin Hotel content was first a Headcanon Design Drawn by Voidseeker, I decided to make My Take on what God could look like for Ring Around the Halo, focusing on the Holy Trinity, the Word of God, and the Good Word spread by the Apostles of Jesus after His ascension.

This image also presents how the palettes of Sinners are decided upon entering Hell, with the Sin that led them to be seen as deserving of Eternal Damnation being a dominant part of their design.

It also shows the Reimagined Version of Angel Dust, with an appearance resembling a male Orb Weaver Spider. I'm not sure about whether his time period will be the same in this reimagining, as this version of Angel Dust has multiple parallels to a real-world person born in 1978, with a similar occupation (even with the Character Theme being reused from the same source)! I'd also made a Poster Redraw based on Angel Dust's films seen in backgrounds of Season 1, but I currently won't show it here for similar reasons to the anonymity of Angel's accidental real-life parallel.

Niffty's Reimagined Version is the most recent example of what Ring Around the Halo is currently planned to be like!

Niffty, formerly known as 恵子/Keiko in the mortal realm, was a Japanese child who was taken out of her education during the events of the Pacific War, and placed into a textiles factory. As the war progressed, higher demands were needed and longer shifts were put in place, some children having to work year-long shifts. As this would be the time when Keiko's brain would first start maturing, spending her life in the factory was responsible for her warped view of adulthood, focusing on the tasks and responsibilities expected of a typical housewife (as that was already what she was also being taught at school beforehand) and leaving that as all she now knows.

Her design in Ring Around the Halo still has her as a cyclops because of her having a one-track mind by the time she arrives in Hell, and her childlike appearance is kept as a representation of her childhood being taken from her because of the conflict she was forced into sewing work for, which is also why she wears a near identical version of her uniform. Niffty's bug-based activities and appearance also have an expanded cause because of her being Japanese. This is because children in Japan collect bugs in order to feel closer to nature, as well as cockroaches being the most common type of insect in Japan, having Niffty's new appearance in Hell cause her to remember herself as unclean and having a wasted time alive as just another worker.

Finally, here are the Reimagined Versions of Alastor and Vox as presented in 'Stayed Gone'! Vox's Design is the oldest that Ring Around the Halo has, even being made before a name for the Reimagining was finalized, which means that his and Alastor's Designs could become subject to change, as the concept has changed very much since then.

However, Alastor's censored face (which has an appearance inspired by the Lost SOULs from Asriel's FIGHT in Undertale) being a physical representation of having 'a face made for radio' is an element of his design that will remain unchanged if he is ever redesigned.

-----------------------------------------------

If you have any further questions about Ring Around the Halo or The 5-Star Digital Hospital, feel free to ask and make your own suggestions for what you'd like to see from these projects!

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kaelidascope · 10 months

Note

Dude, I love this fanfic so much! I just wanted to ask where you got the idea from. Did you have any inspiration from anyone? Also, what's your favorite fanfic? And want do you recommend ?

AWE bless!! Thank you so much I'm glad you're enjoying it <33

So actually a good 80% of this is written from personal experience LOL I used to dance and was into drift building/racing in my late teens/early twenties! Most of the references or scenes in Midnight Menagerie are references to things I've seen or done in real life, OR stories friends have told me within the same field. (Nora is literally just a rebranding of this one mutual friend we had who just. Absolutely fucking unhinged) Like for example, the anticipated Hangover Chapter is just a retelling of an insane Summer weekend I had in 2017 ☠️ it's a personal delight being able to translate things into the narrative, even more so knowing people find my stupid, terrible decisions as amusing as I do in current times lol

My general rule of thumb is to write from experience. Things I understand either on a technical point or emotional connection. So, if you've read it in my work, it's probably something I've done LOL

Another reason I find drive in writing this type of narrative is that MM!Blake's type of dissociative PTSD is something I haven't seen much in media in general. I've seen people depict her in various ways (some of them good!), but none of them ever really apply directly to me, so I wanted to make something that I could relate to and how to properly navigate life, given the environmental circumstances. Plus some us need better examples on how to juggle mental illness as adults and also be in healthy long term relationships because damn I have zero reference LOL

For the fic recs, oh boy I have so many LOL time to be a pathetic fangirl on main but okay here's the ones that immediately jump to mind (also heads up most of these are mature or explicit rating);

Certified Kaeli Fresh Fics

Let You See My Wilder Side (If I Can See Your Bones)

We all know this one but it is, hands down, my favorite piece of literature of all time. Masterfully crafted and a timeless classic worth several rereads (and I have. Embarrassingly so)

Written by @/lucytara on tumblr || @/explosive_sky on twitter

honestly all her works are immaculate and beyond compare. Also a major fan of I Have A Bullet With Your Mouth On It (That was first RWBY fanfic I ever read LMAO a friend recommended it to me before I even watched the show) I aspire to write like her some day. It's what got me writing fanfiction in the first place. So, credit goes to Erin for inspiring me to post my manuscripts at all. Words cannot express my gratitude and appreciation. I have two book series in the process of being published now and I wouldn't have had the nerve to do it had it not been for this specific fic.

2. One Day At A Time

Also one of the earlier fics I read before getting into the show LOL I love all of @/Frenchsoda 's work, the full list is also worth checking out. I'm a fan of disgruntled Blake who doesn't understand her attraction to Yang but it's so god damn sweet ugh

3. Fucking In Love

Written by @/Set_WingedWarrior and @/Softlight

This one circulates a lot in my social circles. Everyone I know LOVES this one and after reading it earlier this year, now I see why. As someone who worked in the sex industry for a brief period of time, this one's not only accurate but also A DELIGHT to read. The premise is fun, captivating, and worth the wait. I actually discovered a chapter update earlier this year and sent the gc into hysterics because we thought the fic was dead LMAO props to these authors!! They're doing an amazing job and deserve praise

4. You're A Mountain, Full Of Glory

written by champion author @/lescousinsdangereux

I should just preface already that every book Blake reads in MM is a fanfiction that exists because I love Easter eggs. Everyone knows I had Blake reference this in chapter 3 LOL but it's equally as immaculate as Erin's work. I LOVED especially the dynamic between Weiss, Yang, and Ruby in this one. Baby, we're complicated fucking murdered me 😭 also that fuckass Christmas scene, that's my favorite Christmas song LMAO

5. The Home Inside Your Head

Written by the ever skilled @/writeriguess . I found this fic by accident by seeing fanart for it floating around on this site. Got curious, picked at it, and. Oh, my god. It's not very often my brain gets scratched in the right way, but boy this one does it. This author does something specifically unique I haven't seen many do before, and I applaud them for it. There's great detail on the scenes that matter, and the fucking organic build up between Blake and Yang is just. God. Chef's kiss. Truly. It feels so god damn natural and healthy and it's already crossing off several of my agendas already. Give this one a read and give the author some love. SENSUAL FACE TOUCHING? CHAPTER 13????? BOOOOOOOYYYYYYY I'm normal about it

6. You'd Be Paranoid Too (If Everyone Was Out To Get You)

Written by @/WabaJaba_ on twitter

Okay so this one's completely different than what I've previously listed but HOLY FUCKING SHIT IS IT A THRILLER. It doesn't nearly have the amount of love and attention it truly deserves. A friend of mine recommended it to me because it shook them so fucking hard they were in total brainrot hell for a MONTH. NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY LMAO God I was obsessed with this for weeks myself. It obviously lives up to it's rating, horror fics aren't for everyone. But if you're able to read it, good lord you should. It's chilling, captivating, and had me on the edge of my fucking seat the entire time. Both endings are good, I still can't decide which one I prefer but RAH I will make sure this is seen god dammit

and last but certainly not least

7. You And Me and This Temptation

written by talented author @/ProfessorSpork

Okay this one was an accidental find as well. A friend sent it to me because THEY found it by accident, I clicked on it for later, went looking for a completely different fic that I mistook for this one, started skimming and realized 'wait a minute LMAO I don't recognize this'. But the thing you have to understand is I hate reading. I'm not a reader, I'm picky and it needs to be worth sitting down for long periods of time. This is one of the rare instances where I was so captivated by it I kept reading more and more from the middle where I landed, and eventually just said ykw let me just start from the beginning cus LMAO context.

This one is, by far, one the healthiest and loveliest depictions of first times I have ever seen. This shit was so inspiring to me that it literally kickstarted an essay in someone's DMs why depictions like this are so important. I didn't have this experience irl, and why MM is written the way it is is because its meant to serve as a lighthouse for those who, like me, haven't. This fic however I feel like should be a required read for anyone getting into relationships for the first time because if it's not like how these two interact, LEAVE IT. This is the standard. This is amazingly written, it's the closest I've ever seen canon Yang and Blake be written to date. The fucking souvenir bit 😭 NJKFGNFJKGNGJ killed me, I was kicking my feet laughing for a good minute. This is the kind of standard everyone should look at and go 'yeah, I want what they have' BECAUSE IT'S CORRECT. LOUD CORRECT BUZZER NOISES

Honestly everything in my bookmarks is certified Kaeli Fresh but these 7 are my top faves. They're probably also really commonly known I'm sure but LMAO like I said I don't read much 😭 which is heavily ironic considering I write myself. Anyway this ended up way longer than I intended but LOL <3 <3 go give these incredible authors love!!

#midnightbeesfic #rwby #bumbleby #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #Boy this turned into a massive ramble #I'd directly tag the authors but I'm shy as fuck sorry LMAO #I hope Midnight Menagerie and my other works offer a fraction of respect to the works these authors have produced #Certified Kaeli Fresh works

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fromtenthousandfeet · 4 months

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Smells Like Steady Vocals and Perfect Pitch

Part 1.

I wrote this on April 5th, 2024 in a fit of rage/inspiration. I wasn't going to post it but I've decided to anyway because I'd like to give a little perspective about why Jimin, out of all the members of BTS, is popular in the US, and why I think he has amazing potential as a solo artist if he's given the right team and tools.

*******

Today is the 30th anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death, so it feels like a sign from the heavens that it's time to write a post I've been composing in my head for months.

So often when I'm on Twitter/X looking for information about Jimin, I see one nasty comment after another downplaying his singing, his artistry, and his talent in general. The phrase repeated the absolute most by the fandom of a particular member is that the reason HYBE invests in one above all the others is because he has the most stable singing voice. And perfect pitch. And the perfect tone for pop music.

Frankly, I get so sick of reading those comments, but I also have to laugh, because it shows such a fundamental misunderstanding of what appeals to music fans in the US/Western countries.

If you open Spotify right now and search for Nirvana, you will see 31.1 million monthly listeners! As a reminder, their last album was released 30 years ago and they only put out 3 major label albums over a 3 year period. Meanwhile, BTS has 28.6 monthly listeners and has a discography a mile long and a career spanning more than 10 years.

Do you honestly think that Nirvana has enjoyed so much popularity over the years because Kurt Cobain had perfect pitch and could sing live? Yeah, no.

I remember where I was the first time I heard "Smells Like Teen Spirit." I couldn't decide if I loved it or hated it, but the song held a strange grip on me. It was sooo different than all the other popular music at the time, even in the alternative scene. It wasn't quite punk, wasn't quite heavy metal. The song was angry and raw, but also oddly charming. But mostly, it was refreshingly different from all the highly produced music that was on radio stations' rotations at the time. Don't believe me? Here's a link to the Billboard Top 100 on the week "Smells Like Teen Spirit" was initially released:

Check out the list and tell me how many of these songs you know. Probably a few, but not many have withstood the test of time (shout out to 3 a.m. Eternal by The KLF, though. That was a fun song).

This was the #1 song that week:

Didn't like it then. Don't like it now.

Now compare that to Smells Like Teen Spirit:

Look at the Billboard list again. Lots R&B (love), dance tracks, a smattering of college radio/alternative tunes, and a whole lot of what we would call easy listening/adult contemporary music. A snooze fest. Nirvana came along at the right time when the American music audience was in desperate need of something more authentic and not so over produced.

Sorry for this long-winded pop music history lesson. Believe it or not, I have a point to make. Americans like a huge range of music styles (as can be seen on the current Billboard charts). We get bored easily. We don't demand a steady voice or perfect pitch. What we want is something new. Something innovative. Something authentic. The biggest western pop stars who have enjoyed long careers in North America know that they must push boundaries and release new, unexpected material in order to stay relevant.

Be it BTS' English trilogy, songs that blatantly emulate American pop singers, or the conveyor belt of 2 minute TikTok-ready tunes sung by Korean girls, so far it doesn't seem like we should expect anything terribly innovative or cutting edge now that Big Hit has morphed into HYBE with its many labels/subsidiaries. Fickle American audiences will move on quickly, in my humble opinion.

One last thing. The US is a huge country with very diverse cultures based upon geographical location. Gender, age, ethnicity, urban vs. rural, and region of the US all influence what people are listening to. What's popular in Atlanta isn't necessarily popular in Salt Lake City, for example. Americans are not a homogenous group and neither is our taste in music.

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fantasyfantasygames · 7 months

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Scramble World

Scramble World, Jenny J. Jensson, 2011

Scramble World is an extremely badly named RPG with a fairly generic premise and fantastic execution.

The titular world is one of those weird mixed-up dimensions where dozens of different worlds have crashed into each other for unknown reasons. You play characters from different RPGs, teaming up to prevent catastrophes or at least be there to help afterward.

The setting is like Torg, but without our world as the base and without the cosms having well-defined boundaries. It's like Rifts but again without our world as the base, and with all the most flavor-packed parts of each worldbook crammed into an area the size of Pennsylvania. And with less racism. It's a world whose major powers did not evolve in each others' presence, so their mutual existence explicitly does not need to make sense. Scramble World is in constant catastrophe and will be until the sky stops being red and worldbergs stop crashing through the bleed.

Remember We Were The First, where the alien species were all randomized in ways that made sense together? Well, here your character sheet is randomized. I don't mean that you roll for your stats, no, I mean you roll to see which stats you get. You get pieces of the character sheet, suggested locations to place them (you can change those), and half-pages of rules that connect to them.

One character might end up with a standard-six-stats block that goes 3-18, an extensive skill list, and a set of emotional attributes that trigger XP conditions. Someone else might have the same stats but they go -2 to +4, a set of Apocalypse World style moves, some Merits and Flaws, and a Vancian spell system if you choose to pursue it. It's an amazing setup. It was clearly well-tested: there was a character generator online to speed things up for you, using the same mechanics as the random roll tables, and I've never seen it come up with a non-viable combination.

Because there are so many options, some of them boil down to the same thing under the hood. For instance, everyone ends up rolling for (or otherwise generating) a Likert-scale success measure and comparing with each other to see what the actual winner gets. Each character sheet fragment has only half a page to get in, explain things, and get out, so a lot of things have to do double duty. Kudos to Jenny for keeping this as small as possible, even if "as possible" does a lot of lifting in that sentence.

There are lots of "world fragments" described in the book. Out of 304 pages (in 6x9 / A5 format), they take up about 200. Each one is roughly 5 pages, with one piece of art, descriptions of their leaders and common people, a few key landmarks, and a "heroes from here are like X" section. A corebook overflow supplement ("World Omelette") adds another 20 pages of rule fragments and 60 pages of world fragments. They range from "pastiche" to "homage", but none of them feel like "ripoff".

The art is taken from a dozen different types of action-oriented RPG stock art, thrown together with slashes or tears or glitches between them. I'd like to see a version that showcases a small number of artists rather than just stock art, but it's used very well for what it is.

I've already spent a lot of words on Scramble World, so I'll stop here, but hopefully you can tell that I really enjoyed it. Highly recommended.

* For those of you who are less mathy, 1d100 has a max of 100, a minimum of 1, and an average of 50.5. All numbers are equally likely. 1d10 x 1d10 has a max of 100, a minimum of 1, but an average of 30.25. Not only is the average 20 points lower, but it's also more closely concentrated. Less than 5% of the results are 60 or above. 🌈The More You Know!⭐️

#ttrpg #imaginary #indie ttrpg #rpg #review #we heard you like randomizers #so we put some randomizers in your randomizers #so you can roll while you roll

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clover-system · 5 months

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Allow us to introduce ourselves

Half a year active, over a hundred followers, the majority of which are veteran tumblers from that one 60k note explosion, and we still haven't properly introduced ourselves. Time to fix that.

We are Clover, an endogenic plural system. That means we are multiple people sharing one brain and body, and we aren't plural because of trauma. We do not have DID. (nor do the vast majority of endos)

I am Quincy, the headmate who fronts the most. Quincy is not my real name, but it could've been, and it's an alias I've been using for a few years.

Edit 2024 August 1: Quincy split into Eliza and Mia. Eliza's egg opened easily. Mine crumbled painfully. We now share the host role and this blog. There isn't much difference between us; we both inherited Quincy's memories.

Edit September 18: I live.

There are a lot of people on here who say that it's impossible for a plural system to form without trauma, but as you may have seen from our syscourse (system discourse (expect a lot of sys- compounds)) reblogs, they rarely cite any credible sources, and that's because they're wrong. I am not a LARPer and I do not claim to have DID. This really is every hour of my life, online and offline. If you have any more questions about plurality, feel free to send me an ask.

Though if we're talking about origins, "not from trauma" is overly vague for my taste. If we're really talking about how the system formed, I prefer "dreamgenic", because everyone originated from some combination of nightdreams and immersive daydreams which I had varying levels of control over.

The second most active headmate, Victoria Penelope, has her own blog @victoria-penelope-clover. She posts more infrequently, when she's able to front/cofront/proxy, and is currently mostly focused on syscourse, with occasional slices of life. She's my older syster.

Headcount is currently in the upper teens. Some more may be mentioned occasionally but I'd rather not have a list of private details about everyone easily accessible here for anyone to see. For the most part, all you'll see every once in a while is some colored text indicating a distinct voice.

Anyway, enough plural stuff! Now for typical bio stuff!

Fleed Reddit to come here and wow Tumblr is way better. Always happy to commune with fellow Rexxitors!

For obsession I circle between Chess, Minecraft, Geometry Dash, Warrior Cats, and Undertale. Fandoms I am on the edge of getting sucked into include The Amazing Digital Circus and Death Note. I also plan to watch Avatar: The Last Airbender at some point. Ever since our syscovery, I've consumed next to no fiction for fear of more headmates.

I have a few projects in the works but I've promised myself that I won't post them publicly until I've actually made substantial progress!

No DNI! Maybe it's just because I'm not jaded by years of wasted time with unproductive trolls, but I think assuming someone is in bad faith just because they disagree with you about something heated is bad actually, partly because I've seen what happens and how long progress takes when left-of-center people generally refuse to interact with, for example, transphobes. Relatedly, I will only block you if I think you're a bot or if you really, really fuck up.

Do not be surprised if I casually shit on something you believe in without warning.

I have an ever-growing queue set to post five times per day, and I try not to post too much more than that. I also try to keep my dash at less than 100 posts per day, which is apparently uncommon here.

Reblog reblog reblog! Not just my posts, but everyone (unless you have a good reason not to, like with this intro post). Reblogs are what keep Tumblr alive! Likes do next to nothing.

That's all for now! If you have any more questions, send me an ask and I might add it to this post!

#intro post #bio post #chess #minecraft #geometry dash #warrior cats #undertale #death note #plurality #dreamgenic #endogenic #pro endo #endo safe #pluralgang #trans

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dean-winchester-is-a-warrior · 7 months

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The Dangers of Hope Ch. 6

Chapter Warnings: Nothing major.

Word Count: 3,308

If you've never seen TLOU, don't worry - you don't need to have seen it to understand this story. 😊

I've taken some liberties with the Endverse in my story, changed a few things from canon, but kept lots of things too.

I sincerely hope you enjoy the story. It will be ten chapters and I will do my very best to post one chapter every weekend. ❤️

A/N 2: Hope you enjoy this chapter! I'm getting excited to finish up the series. Four chapter left and so far it seems like the story is staying on track, and it shouldn't go over. (But you never know! 😁) Thanks so much to everyone who has been reading, liking, commenting and reblogging this series! It means SO much! ❤️

Series Master List || Main Master List || Tag Lists

The dividers below were created by @saradika

Y/N felt her heart beat triple time as she watched Dean’s face return to the stony granite it had been when she’d first come to camp. Over the last couple of months she'd begun to see him soften slightly; there were even a few moments where he’d seemed on the verge of smiling. His eyes had eventually lost their frosty hardness, and their look of perpetual suspicion.

But both were back with a vengeance now.

She shook her head at him again and tried to understand what he was talking about. “What kind of psychic am I?” She asked, the question conjuring up an urge to laugh. The idea of her having psychic abilities was laughable to her. But she didn’t think Dean would appreciate the humor around it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Dean. I haven’t done anything, and I certainly have no psychic powers.”

Dean said nothing, just shuffled sideways towards the door without taking his eyes off of her. Y/N took a few steps towards him, but froze when his hand dropped to the pistol on his thigh and he hissed at her. “Stay back.”

She felt Emma come up and hide behind her leg and her daughter's renewed fear made anger start to burn in Y/N’s chest. In the last few weeks that Dean had been coming to dinner, Emma had been gradually losing her fear of him, offering him shy smiles and even bringing him one of her books and asking him to read to her.

But now Y/N could feel her tremble slightly and frustration flared in her. What was Dean doing? And why? Because her mother had died in a fire when she was a baby? What kind of logic was that? Where was all this insanity coming from?

Dean walked to the entrance of the cabin and called to Patrick. When the soldier appeared in the doorway Dean spoke to him brusquely.

“Go get Castiel.”

Patrick looked back and forth between Dean and Y/N and frowned at the obvious tension. “Sir?” He questioned.

“Now.” Dean said with finality. As the man turned to leave Dean spoke again. “And send Risa in here.”

Dean continued to stare at Y/N, keeping his attention intensely fixated on her, the way he’d done during those first few days she’d been there. When Risa came into the cabin she frowned; like Patrick, she could clearly sense the hostility in the room.

When Dean saw her he nodded towards Emma. “Take the kid.”

Panic suffused Y/N and she began shaking her head. Emma clutched tightly to her leg and began crying and whimpering softly. She shook her head and buried her face in Y/N’s hip. “No, mommy.” She hiccuped softly.

“Take her.” Dean said quietly but firmly. There was a pause for a moment as Risa’s eyes lingered on Emma and Y/N before she shook her head.

“No.”

Dean turned his head slowly to look at his soldier, his expression incredulous and furious at the same time.

“Excuse me?” He said softly, and Y/N felt a shiver run down her spine.

Risa looked away for a moment, clearly intimidated by Dean's anger. But when she looked back at him, her brow was crinkled and she still questioned his demand.

“Why?” She asked.

“Because I gave you an order, soldier.” was Dean's softly spoken reply.

Risa stared at Dean a moment longer before she took a deep breath and then exhaled loudly and forcefully, turning and walking towards Y/N and Emma.

Emma started crying in earnest and Y/N knew that no matter what, she had to try and ease her daughter’s fear. She got down on her haunches and smoothed back Emma’s fly away hair. “Oh baby, it’s okay.” She smiled brightly at her, desperately trying to erase all her own fear and anxiety about what was happening.

“Dean and I are just gonna be here for a little while trying to figure out some boring grown up stuff.” Y/N’s happy smile seemed to be fooling Emma slightly because her tears were slowing and she sniffled.

Y/N kissed her cheek. “Why don’t you let Risa take you to see Keisha and Julianne. It will be so much more fun to play with them for a while, rather than staying here and listening to boring grownups talking. And I’ll come pick you up later, okay? I promise.”

She felt awful making a promise she wasn’t sure she could keep, but she wanted to believe she would be picking her up later, and she wanted Emma to lose the look of panic in her eyes.

She nodded towards Risa. “Go on now, and have fun playing. I’ll see you soon.” She kissed her forehead and gave her another bright smile.

Emma nodded, still obviously unsure, but willing to believe what Y/N was telling her.

Y/N kept her happy smile in place until Emma was out the door and then her mask dropped and she looked at Dean, her eyes accusing.

“Why are you doing this?” She asked quietly.

Before he could answer, Castiel walked through the door. Like the others, he seemed to notice the tension immediately and questioned it.

“Dean? What’s going on?”

Dean motioned for Y/N to move backwards. “Sit down.” He said, with a gesture towards the folding chair she’d been sitting on to read the story. When she did, Dean turned his head towards Castiel, but never took his eyes off of her.

“I know why she’s immune.”

Y/N felt her stomach lurch. “You do?” She asked, some of her anger burning away from pure shock. It was the last thing she’d expected him to say. Though she still had no idea what this had to do with her mother’s death.

But evidently it was connected, because the angel’s eyes widened in disbelief as Dean continued. “Her mother died in a fire when she was a baby.”

It was to her that Castiel looked for an answer. “Is that true, Y/N?” She nodded. “My God.”

“Will someone please explain what my mother dying has to do with anything?” Y/N asked with immense frustration.

But the men ignored her for the moment. Dean was finally looking at the angel properly and he nodded at the questions in his blue eyes.

“Yeah, she’s a psychic kid. She’s immune, just like Sam was.”

“Who is Sam?” Y/N asked, but was ignored again.

Castiel was shaking his head. “Maybe…” He looked back towards her briefly. “Maybe it’s just a coincidence.”

Dean scoffed. “Come on Cas! This is way too big a coincidence to be…coincidental.”

Cas nodded reluctantly and then frowned. “But, if she's psychic...then what’s her gift?”

Both men turned to stare at her, and Dean spoke softly. “That’s a real good question. Because she could be doing anything to us, mind controlling us, or manipulating us to only see what she wants us to.”

Y/N finally did let out a bark of laughter. “Are you insane? You think I’m mind controlling you? If I had the power of mind control, I’d definitely make you be nicer, or I’d make you let me go, because this whole thing is ridiculous! And you still haven’t explained why on earth you think I’m psychic and why my mother’s death is involved.”

Dean stared at her for a long time, and Cas just watched him. Finally Dean spoke and his voice was calm and even, as though he was just telling her a story while they sat around her table eating dinner.

“Ten years before you were born, your mother or father made a deal with a yellow-eyed demon. They got something they desperately wanted and he got permission to enter their house. When you were six months old he came into your room, slit himself open and bled into your mouth. Your mother likely interrupted him somehow, and he killed her and burnt the place down around her.”

Y/N felt her stomach turn at Dean’s words. He had to be insane, there was no way it could be true. Demon blood? A demon killed her mother? She shook her head.

“How on earth could you possibly know any of this?”

“Because it’s exactly what happened to my mom, and my brother. The demon fed him his blood, killed my mom, and when Sam turned 22 he started having psychic visions. And he wasn’t the only psychic kid. There were a bunch of them, and without fail every single one of them had powers and every single one of them went bad.”

His jaw clenched and he folded his arms over his chest. “So, if you’re gonna sit there and try and tell me that you’re the only one that never had the blood take hold, the only one who managed to avoid being triggered when you turned 22? Well, then I know you’re lying. So, I’ll ask you one more time.”

His eyes were chips of ice once again. “What can you do? And what have you done already?”

Y/N blew out a puff of exasperation. “I can’t do anything, do you hear me? I am not psychic! I have no powers!”

Cas stepped forward, putting himself between the two of them. “Okay, Y/N, have you ever felt something, something that made you different from other people? Like,” he snapped his fingers, “the ability to connect easily with people maybe? You seem to make friends quickly, people respond to you.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “So being a nice person makes me a psychic now?”

Cas shook his head. “No, but maybe it’s more than you being nice, maybe people can’t help but like you. It could be involuntary on both their part and yours. Like some sort of psychic charisma”

Cas seemed to like his idea, his expression saying that he thought he’d figured it out.

But Y/N was again shaking her head. “No, look, that’s not true. I’ve had lots of people not like me, I’ve had people try to kill me in my sleep just to steal my blanket, I’ve had men attack me just for…well, for being a woman. And I can promise you I didn’t get away from those people by smiling at them and asking nicely.”

Y/N felt the old fears rise in her as she remembered the panic and terror of those moments and so many more like them. To think that she had some kind of mind control or psychic abilities and hadn’t used them then, was laughable.

Cas looked slightly defeated and Dean pushed him aside. “The fact is though, that you could be lying through your teeth, you could be saying anything to knock us off your scent.”

Y/N scowled at him and then stood up. Dean stepped back, and yanked Cas back by his shoulder. “Sit down.” He ordered her but she shook her head.

“This is ridiculous, Dean. You have to know it is.” She took a step towards him. “What about our…our friendship? What about what happened last night?”

Dean’s eyes just got colder and his voice was deep and demanding. “I said, sit down. Now!”

“Dean.” Y/N began and stepped closer again, reaching out to him. But she stopped dead and dropped her hands to her sides as Dean pulled his gun from its holster in the span of a breath.

“I said get back, and sit down.” He said, slow and deliberate.

Y/N looked at the gun pointed at her, looked at Dean holding it, his hand not wavering an inch, and she was suddenly, unbearably sad. She stared at him and knew her heartbreak was plastered on her face, she was bad at concealing emotions.

She nodded slowly and moved back to sit in the chair. She had lied to Emma; she wouldn’t be picking her up tonight.

***

The night passed just as her first night in camp had; with her sleeping lightly, troubled by disturbing dreams and waking to find Dean watching her almost unblinkingly. He took her to the outhouses on his own this time, and she wasn’t in chains so, that much had changed. But his hand hovering over his gun the whole way there and back definitely felt binding, and kept her locked in place just ahead of him.

When they got back to the cabin Dean walked over to the door and said something quietly to whoever was just outside. A few minutes later Theresa arrived with breakfast. She looked at Y/N back in her spot on the floor by the table leg and her young face creased in confusion.

“What’s wrong?” She asked Y/N with a look thrown at Dean.

Y/N tried to smile and put her student’s mind at ease. “Nothing, sweetie. Just trying to sort something out. Tell your mom thank you for the breakfast, but I’m not hungry. You should take that back to her so it doesn’t go to waste.”

“Eat it.” Dean’s voice rang out with authority and Theresa took a step closer to Y/N.

Y/N didn’t bother looking at him. Instead she gave Theresa a reassuring nod and the girl bent to set the tray on the ground. “It’s okay, thank you. I’ll probably be hungry later.”

But she wasn’t. She felt guilty enough about wasting food to try and swallow some down, but it just stuck in her throat and she gagged on it and spit it out. At lunch Brandy brought the food tray and she was slightly more vocal with her questions than her daughter was.

“What the hell is going on here?” She asked Dean. “All the parents are confused and worried. They said you ordered them out of here yesterday and no one has seen Y/N since; Emma’s back with Monique.”

She set the lunch tray on the table Y/N leaned against and bent to pick up the uneaten breakfast tray. She was looking at Y/N, but still addressing Dean when she spoke. “What’s going on?”

“It’s nothing that concerns you.” Dean answered brusquely.

Brandy stood to her full height and her large chest rose and fell with indignation. “Since when do you keep me out of the loop?”

Dean frowned at her and his voice was laced with annoyance and anger. “Since this isn’t something that requires your attention. And I’d like to know, exactly when did everyone start questioning my orders?”

Brandy shrugged, seemingly unfazed by his foreboding tone. “I guess when your orders started to seem stupid.”

Y/N’s eyes grew round, beyond impressed at the woman’s boldness and nerve. Dean seemed much less impressed by it though, staring the woman down with a furious expression. But Brandy kept his gaze and never wavered. Finally Dean spoke through gritted teeth.

“Take away the tray, and send someone else with the supper tray.”

Brandy stayed still until Dean took a step towards her and yelled, “That is an order!”

Brandy shook her head, but turned towards the door as she answered. “Don’t forget, boss, not all of us are your soldiers. Some of us follow you because you’ve been a good leader.” She paused at the door and looked back at him. “Don’t fuck that up.”

She walked out, leaving behind an electric buzz of tension in the air. Dean turned back to her and the muscle in his jaw was still jumping.

“Eat.”

But Y/N shook her head. “I’m not hungry.”

“Bullshit!” Dean said bitingly. “You haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday. You have to be hungry. I don’t know what kind of hunger strike, sympathy ploy you’re going for here, but it’s not gonna work. Now, eat!” He ended on a shout and something snapped inside Y/N.

She jumped to her feet and yelled back. “This isn’t a sympathy ploy, you bloody dumbass! I can’t eat the food because it tastes disgusting to me and it chokes me. My stomach is in knots and I feel sick! And do you know why that is? Because you keep threatening to kill me!”

Dean thundered towards her, stopping barely two feet from her. “Yeah, and I’m not gonna have you starve to death before I get the chance! Now eat!”

Y/N threw her arms wide. “What the hell do you care if I starve! It’ll just save you a bullet!”

She took a deep breath, feeling herself unraveling but unable to stop. “You have me locked up in this place, again! You think I’m some kind of horrible monster. Again!” Her voice broke. “You have taken my child away from me! Again! So don’t pretend to give a shit about my fucking health and wellbeing!” She reached out to furiously smash the food tray to the ground.

Silence descended and Y/N breathed hard and heavy through her nose, her anger carrying her through a little longer before she turned away from him and buried her face in her hands, quiet, uncontrollable sobs shaking her.

By the time she managed to get herself under some kind of control, she turned around to see that Dean was gone. She looked around the room as though he might be hiding in plain sight, but he was nowhere to be seen.

Y/N walked over and fell down onto the chair he'd sat in all night. She felt exhausted and deflated. She wasn’t sure how long she sat there, but it felt like ages before Cas walked through the door. He looked solemn and he nodded at her.

“Dean says that you should go.”

Y/N felt her stomach drop. “He’s kicking us out?”

Cas held up a hand. “Oh, no! Not…he didn’t say for you to go from camp. I mean that he said for you to go from here. Go get your daughter, go back to your tent. That kind of go.”

Y/N shook her head, more confused than ever. “I don’t understand. Now, suddenly he doesn’t think I’m some kind of psychic menace?”

Cas shrugged. “Psychic yes, but menace no. He said, and I quote, ‘She was pissed enough to take off my head if she could have, and she didn’t, so she can’t.’” He shook his head. “Occasionally his thought process is hard to follow.”

Y/N nodded. “Yeah, you’re telling me.”

She didn’t waste anymore time right then, though, contemplating Dean’s bizarre behavior; she was free to go and she ran to get Emma, apologizing for taking longer than she said she would to come get her.

Emma forgave her easily for not keeping her promise, relief clear in her big, deep cerulean eyes. They spent the evening cuddling in the tent; Y/N read her a dozen books and played clapping games with her until Emma’s eyes were shining again, and no more fear or worry clouded them.

At bedtime she sang her a song and Emma drifted off to sleep happily; Y/N found no such easy reprieve. She laid awake for hours trying to understand Dean and the way he thought. He’d been so angry, so sure of her wickedness and evil. And then, just like that, because she’d exploded in anger, he let her go?

How did that man’s mind work? And how did he see her now? Harmless psychic freak? Or someone he’d still have to keep a close eye on?

She shook her head. It didn’t matter, he’d made himself perfectly clear on one thing, the relationship she’d thought they had, the friendship that she’d hoped would grow into more had meant nothing to him. The kiss they’d shared had meant nothing.

She meant nothing. He couldn't have acted the way he did if he cared about her at all.

She needed to remember that going forward and not let her heart get entangled so easily.

From now on, she needed to keep her distance.

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