#idk what to do with that honestly. besides suffer

[wildflowercryptid]

tossed these guys into a 1920s au just so i could draw them in neat clothes, they're my dress-up dolls now.

— as per usual, credit to @whisperingrockers for harrow's design. pls go check out her blog, her content is always killer!!

[trans-leek-cookie]

Ok now that I think abt it that was very shitty of Diane to do

[diagonal-queen]

chuuya, kunikida, and dazai with an s/o who would hide under the bed for no reason besides its nice down there and would sometimes grab their ankle to scare them

i would love to hang out under my bed tbh but i keep all my stuff under there lol. good deterrent for demons because then they can't fit under there

S/O who hides under the bed

♡ pairing: Chuuya Nakahara, Doppo Kunikida, Dazai Osamu x gn!Reader

♡ synopsis: How are these guys with an S/O who likes hanging out under the bed?

♡ cw: Swearing, teensy tiny bit of NSFW in Dazai's part.

note:

Seriously though. Thank you guys for all your sweet comments and messages I really appreciated all of them very much (and yes each one made me cry). I might not say it very much but I love all of you guys and I'm thankful for your support. Apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

Chuuya:

He's just kinda like...wha...? He's so confused at first lol

Even if you grab his ankle and try to scare him, he's just like...why'd you do that babygirl (gender neutral term). He'd also find it kind of adorable how frustrated you get that it didn't work, but what were you expecting? He's a mafia executive babygirl (again, gender neutral term)

Chuuya is little amused by your under-the-bed habit and lowkey thinks it's pretty cute. At first though he was kinda worried as to what caused it, but if it makes you feel better then he doesn't care

If he wants you out of there he will coax you out with your favourite food or something like you're a puppy (he's getting his yearning for a pet dog out of his system don't worry)

Probably wouldn't go under the bed with you super often, but you guys would have a lot of conversations while he's laying on the bed and you're laying under it. It's surprisingly easy to do!

Would start leaving you little gifts/snacks down there sometimes as a surprise

Probably wouldn't encourage you to sleep under there though. Spinal health and all

As always Chuuya is very supportive and all he wants is for you to feel happy and safe <3

Kunikida:

Worried about this habit at first. He assumes that it's some kind of trauma response. Whether it is or it isn't he'll learn to accept it don't worry

That being said he doesn't really love it. If you wanna relax he'd rather that you do it in a more comfortable space. If you're under there because you don't feel great then he'd rather you just talk to him. He'd do (almost) anything to make you feel better :')

If you grabbed his ankle one time to scare him he might never recover. Like he'd be genuinely terrified. Might faint or burst into tears or scream or something idk

Absolutely would chide you for your "childish behaviour". In all honesty he just feels like it's something Dazai would do and he suffers enough from this kind of thing at work

But yes in the end he would forgive you if you apologised to him. Might not be so kind if you continued trying to scare him though

Leaves you a pillow and a blanket down there just in case you get cold. He won't leave any food though because he's worried about ants and mould and stuff

Wouldn't go under there with you though. Sorry but he just doesn't wanna 😪

Honestly? As long as you're getting your shit done, he doesn't mind where you spend your free time

Dazai:

He literally doesn't even question it. Sometimes small spaces are just cosy y'know?

Dazai literally lived in a shipping container (at least I think? I haven't read Stormbringer yet T-T). He'd be all up for hanging out under the bed whether or not you were with him lol

The first time you grab his ankle to scare him, if you're lucky, you'll catch him off guard. But you're never getting his ass again, ever

I mean sometimes he might play along to humour you, but you'll literally never actually scare him again. Like he just walks into your bedroom under the assumption that you're under the bed and prepared to scare him.

Straight up if he can't find you when he wakes up or something he'll just guess that you're under the bed and won't bother you.

That being said if you straight up disappeared or something he'd obviously worry about you. But he gives you space when you need it, and will only come under the bed with you if you say he can

Also he would definitely start doing it to you. Both as revenge and just because he thinks it's funny, but he'll stop if you ask him to (you don't. It straight up becomes a war)

He straight up might try to get it on with you under the bed, as if there's room or something. Damnit Dazai

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fedyushka, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl

[kaepop-trash]

not sure if you’re still taking requests for chance encounters but i just read the whole thing in one sitting and love it sm!!! i love your more angsty drabbles so i was wondering if you’d do one where yn and johnny are on a “break” 🥹

Give Up, Give In

There were a lot of requests for going back to the club so I'm just adding some of my favourites:

Anon: I'm just a girl standing here asking for more Johnny (CE) yearning. Make him suffer ma'am 🙏🏻 [Yes ma'am🫡]

Anon: The club is your Chekhov's Gun and it's still lying unfired on the table. [This is the best ask I've ever gotten since this account started]

Anon: Just. More. Dom. OC. [Short and sweet. How can I refuse?]

Mini Masterlist

_

I was in quite the headspace when I was writing this and you can tell. In contrast to most other things I've published, I edited this painstakingly. Somewhere in the middle I watched Casablanca again and you can actually tell where.

This is just very intense. Idk what came over me, I think the characters came back to me like past lovers do in a dream. I wrote this in a daze. I also surprisingly like this. I'm posting it with love instead of just shrugging responsibility of it. Enjoy!

Warnings: Angst, Angst, Angst; A lot of references to a movie older than the Czech Republic; (There are just a lot of sexual warnings in this one girls) Smut, Voyeurism, Friction play, Light BDSM, Handcuffs and Whipping (not the main characters), Dom! OC/Sub! Johnny, Dom! Johnny/Sub! OC (They are switches in the most literal sense of the term), ribbon play (male receiving) [is that even real?], Abs riding, grinding, Dirty Talk, Degradation; Intense, INTENSE; So much angst like what was I thinking; Johnny's a bit of a babygirl in this lol idk how else to explain it; Pussy-whipped Johnny you are my #1; OC is mean, but Johnny actually likes it (He told me); A lot of misplaced anger and resentment (in a sexy way); Alcohol; Johnny has the kind of sadness in him that you only see in east european gay porn; There is some homosexual themes in this, don't forget that in this world everybody is bisexual (except Tenmin, they are full fruit loops); Bisexuality(?).

WC: 18.6 k (Honestly this can and should be read as a standalone.)

_

Her focus came in and out of the moment, mostly being drawn back by the occasional whimper or hiss that echoed loud against the cement walls.

It was a mistake coming here tonight. she knew it the moment Hyuck bought it up.

"You look lethal." Yuta crossed his arms the moment she walked into his house, equally confused and somehow proud. Beside him, Hyuck whistled. Both of them eyed her top to bottom, taking in the very nice dress she bought herself this week.

“Absolutely deadly.” Hyuck agreed, crossing his arms in front of him, “So where are we going?” He looked between the both of them.

“For dinner. A bar maybe, judging by how our friend is dressed.” Yuta mused, turning to (Y/N) for confirmation of the plan she laid out.

“What’s wrong with how I’m dressed?” She frowned. 

“What?” Hyuck looked between both of them, confused, “We aren’t going to your club?”

Yuta chuckled, “No (Y/N) is staying away from the hallowed grounds.”

“Why?” Hyuck turned to her, looking offended. “I shaved my balls for this.”

Both Yuta and her turned to the boy, incredibly confused and horrified by the information he willingly volunteered

She cleared her throat, deciding it best to ignore it outright, “That’s none of your business, Lee Donghyuck.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“I just told you I shaved my genitals and you’re bringing up personal businesses?”

“You volunteered that information.” She grimaced, wondering why she didn’t see this coming. “You can’t just go to there on a whim. There’s a list that’s fixed a week in advance.”

“Aren’t you literally friends with the owner?” Hyuck mirrored her arms.

“The owner's friends gets benefits." Yuta shrugged, "You're roped in by extension, it seems.”

The very mention of the person who was not to be named made her spine straighten, “We are not going to the club. I don’t want him to think I am in his space, I don’t want him to think I need to. It’s a horribly petty thing to do.”

“He might not be there at all.” Yuta offered.

“We are not going.” She repeated herself, looking at the both of them with a sense of finality.

They ended up at the club less than two hours later. After dinner, entering a “normal” club reminded her exactly why she stopped doing this after undergrad. She wanted to just go home but Hyuck and Yuta were both slick menaces. And now she was here.

One of the men in front of her cursed, bringing her attention back to the present. 

Her original reasoning to slip into the basement the moment she entered the club was to mitigate even the most remote possibility of being confronted by Johnny. Another part of her was overcome with intrigue once the idea materialised.

The basement was one place she hadn’t had a chance to explore. Initially, Johnny would tease her with the idea of it, but he never lived up to his own promise in that department. A couple of months in, their visits to the club reduced considerably as work got harder and their apartments got more comfortable. Then the matter was never brought up again.

Sitting in it now, she tried to imagine what Yuta meant when he compared it to the few dungeons he frequented in Amsterdam. A few with Ten even— back when he was still single of course.

The place was a lot more elegant than the floors above, divided into confined rooms that felt larger than they were owing to the incredibly tall ceilings. Unlike the rooms on the second floor though, there was no pretence. Instead of looking like hotel rooms, each room was mostly minimal. Despite the baroque display of velvets and satins, each only had one tall bench and a few chairs. The lighting was also much brighter than the intimate dimmed ones above. The lights here were yellow and brazen, nothing hid under them. The most apparent of which were the contraptions and tools displayed audaciously on the walls, ranging from curious to downright frightening. 

Despite all that attention, the rooms were also open: no door, not even a curtain to lend privacy to the inhabitants. If she was clueless about what the requirements on this floor were, taking a walk down the length of the corridor gave her the clarity she needed. 

Pain of this magnitude wasn’t something she was ready to give or receive from a stranger. But she did gather that spectatorship was a part of the experience on this floor. The chairs in most rooms had at least one person seated, watching as other people made use of the various instruments available.

That is how she ended up here.

One of the rooms seemed to be void of any onlookers. Two men occupied the bench inside, looking at each other with tender trust. She stopped at the entrance, deciding that this was the palatable option. She might even learn a thing or two, she wagered.

At first, they seemed unaffected by her presence. She pulled a chair and sat down at a considerable distance, still feeling trepidation about the intrusion. She watched as they got comfortable with each other, imagining that they met here for the first time today. They decided to trust each other despite, was what she decided. 

Sometimes she wished that was how her initial visit to the club went.

“What should we use?” One of the men asked the other, the yellow sleeves of his shirt brushing over the man's cheek. The other looked to be the one calling the shots, so she was waiting to know as well. But he surprised her, turning to look at (Y/N) instead.

Her eyes went wide for a moment, not sure why she was being acknowledged.

“Well? You’re wearing silver aren’t you?” The man asked, his hooded eyes impatient.

Oh.

Her hand went to touch the chain that Yuta had so creatively woven into her hairpin. It was supposed to be half a joke. 

Owing to the spontaneous visit, they were unaware that there was a theme tonight. It was classic movies night and none of the three were dressed for the occasion. So they decided to keep the spirit, deciding on pursuing otherwise uncustomary situations. Hyuck said he'd do anything the first person he met told him. Yuta claimed that today would be the day he pursued his favourite bartender. And she put on the silver chain and walked into the basement. A decision taken for the interesting stories it would birth. Much like this one, she relented.

She chewed on her bottom lip, trying to think of what she could possibly say.

“I don’t think–” Yellow shirt began to speak, probably sensing her panic.

“Did I ask you?” The other was quick to interject, keeping his eyes on her.

She looked at the two men carefully, the more compliant one much taller than the one clearly in charge.

“Take your shirts off.” She said first, “You’ve been rubbing against each other like kids at church. It’s pathetic.” Hooded eyes smirked, pleased to get what he was looking for.

“You heard her little boy.” He turned back to his partner, reaching out.

“You’re own clothes. Not each other’s.” She clicked her tongue, expressing her disapproval through her tone.

And that was how it began. They were excellent at following her instructions and slowly she began to take more liberties.

People came and went behind them. The first hint of another presence had surprised her. After that she started ignoring the sound of occasional shuffling. 

Except one that spoke with a voice she could not ignore. A familiar one.

__

Johnny was comfortable in his corner, pretending to listen to Ten explain the theme again.

“I was watching this movie with a friend while she was recovering from a broken leg. And it came to me!” He told yet another person, “Unfortunately, she isn’t here today.”

“What are you talking about?” One of Ten’s friends sat up at that, “I saw (Y/N) an hour ago.” She looked at Johnny for confirmation.

Johnny looked up, at least two pairs of eyes already on him. He shrugged, trying to play off his nonchalance by taking another sip of his drink.

“Babe,” The woman continued, poking the man beside her. “You remember seeing (Y/N) downstairs, right?”

Johnny snorted, “You must be confusing her with someone else.” He said with utter confidence. She would not be anywhere near him if she had the choice. Not after what he said.

“She’s in a white dress today, right?” He asked his partner, who nodded.

“Yeah, she’s downstairs. Martin told me when I went for a cocktail. I wasn't looking or anything.” He added quickly. “Don’t glare at me man.”

Johnny looked away, not realising he was. His mumbled apology wasn’t even trying to be genuine.

“There’s Yuta,” Ten raised his arm to call the man. “Let’s ask him.”

“There is no need.” Johnny groaned, but Ten ignored him with ease.

“What?” Yuta came up, looking thoroughly annoyed. No doubt being interrupted in the middle of something.

“Is (Y/N) here with you?” Ten asked.

Instead of answering, Yuta turned to Johnny. The cautious look he gave him gave him the answer he was looking for.

“Yeah.” He turned back to Ten.

“Where is she? It’s her theme tonight!” Like most other people, Yuta too did not care about Ten’s theme.

“You would not guess.” He said with a grin, sitting down with a conspiratorial chuckle.

And that's how Johnny ended up in the basement for the first time in a year. He walked past each room, looking in to find what he was looking for.

Johnny wasn’t sure what he’d even do when he found it. Would he stop her? Would he watch? Or would he leave her alone like he had himself wanted?

Johnny slowed his steps, only for a moment. Why did she have to come to the basement now? If she wanted to, why didn't she mention it to him? He thought she wouldn't like it. Or maybe he wasn't the one she wanted to share that with. That last thought was alone to add a spring to his step.

His thoughts only spurred him on as he passed more rooms without her in it. Almost crossing one, he stopped to take a few steps back. He had to be sure that the back that was facing him was the one he was seeking.

She was in white like Ten's friend had stated, a dress he never had the privilege of seeing before tonight. Head rested on her hand, she was watching someone else. He relaxed, walking further into the room. Once her side came into view, the relief that came over him seemed to piss him off. Any thought of leaving her alone evaporated with it. This was supposed to be what he wanted.

“I had to see it for myself.” He scoffed, the novelty of the situation only just coming to him. (Y/N) turned in her chair, looking up at him with surprise in her eyes. “Trying new things? You could have told me if you wanted to come down here. At least I know what your limits are. You were never the best communicator.”

“I would assume that I know my own limits best.” She turned away from him, back to the two men in front of her. Not a hint of kindness in her eyes.

He really must have said too much that night. 

One of the men sat quietly on the large wooden bench every room had, yellow shirt hanging over his shoulders, in place because his hands were cuffed behind him. The other man stood over him, a flog in his hands. His white pants matched her dress.

“Has he stopped asking for more?” She questioned the one standing. Both the men were watching her, waiting.

“Then why did you stop?” She questioned, voice impatient. “Does the little boy want something stronger?” Yellow shirt nodded like he was waiting for the question.

(Y/N) chuckled, getting up to walk to the small chest of cupboards. She leaned over, making Johnny finally notice the length of her dress— high above her knee. Pure instinct made him turn to the other people in the room, watching her with undoubtedly the same thought on their minds.

“Someone isn’t on theme.” Johnny clicked his tongue. It made the guys turn to look at him, then between the two of them.

Suddenly Johnny felt like they were the spectators, and he was the one on display with her.

“I didn’t plan on coming here tonight, so I didn’t receive the memo.” She didn’t even look at him, standing up with a thick whip in her hand.

“Eyes on me boys.” She turned to the boys, “Do you want this?” She questioned and the one meant to be on the receiving end nodded eagerly. 

She chuckled, walking over to them and handing the tool over. 

“Such an obedient boy, aren’t you?” She cooed, hand on his chin. Yellow shirt nodded enthusiastically. Giving in to her so easily that it nauseated Johnny. That would get them nowhere.

Keeping her eyes on his face and her fingers stroking his cheek, she handed the whip to the other guy.

“Start slow. You’re being too hostile.” She turned to the man with a warning.

“He likes it.” He defended, her hooded gaze remained bemused.

“I’m the one who’s calling the shots, am I not?” She raised a brow. The man swallowed, giving her a quick nod. As complaint as his companion.

This was no fun.

Johnny scoffed rather loudly, but she ignored him and as a consequence, the boys ignored him as well.

“What will you tell me you'd do?” She continued, focused on the man.

“I will listen and follow instructions.”

“Like a what?”

“Like the slut I like to pretend I’m not.” 

She smiled, letting the one in yellow go to run a hand through this one’s hair. He closed his hooded eyes to enjoy the feeling.

“Good. Now do what you’re told.” He nodded and she let go, turning around to walk back to where she was.

Her eyes met Johnny’s finally.

“Can I help you?” She asked him, the tyrannical tone bleeding into the question. Johnny’s cock twitched for the first time that evening.

“You can start by reminding yourself who you’re speaking to, pet. Or do you need assistance?” Johnny tongued his cheek, shoving his restless fingers into his pocket.

She looked at him with disbelief for a moment. When she rolled her eyes, he was sure she was taunting him.

“You can keep your reminders to yourself.” She rubbed her hands together, “I didn’t come here to play with you.”

“Why are you here at all?” Johnny raised a brow, unable to hide the vexation in his voice. Why didn't she tell him she wanted to come to the basement?

It earned him the first flash of anger in her, so far, apathetic gaze. “I didn’t realise you were marking territory? Am I barred from coming here now?”

“I was asking a question.” He took in a cautious breath, realising that she thought he meant the club. Perhaps, the alternative made him look less bothered. 

“Can't you see?” she pointed at the two boys, “I'm simply minding my own business. Why have you come down here? Looking for me?” She leaned against the head of the chair she was seated in before, waiting for his response.

Johnny let out a humourless laugh, “Who said I was looking for you?”

“I haven’t known you to come to the basement before.” She pointed.

“Just because I haven’t come here with you, doesn’t mean I’m a stranger to the place."

The words did what they were intended to do, her anger flared with an inhale she tried to play off. Johnny had to bite down his smile.

“Okay, be on your way then.” She flicked her hand towards the exit, dismissing him. "There are other rooms."

Johnny took a step towards her instead, “I stopped at this one because I could not believe you could be a watcher. I wanted to see for myself."

“She told you to leave man, why are you ruining our night?” The boy in yellow whined, making Jaehyun turn to find both men watching the exchange. The other one kept his eyes on Johnny.

She turned to meet his gaze, “Did I say you can speak?” She questioned. The boy gulped, shaking his head. “If you’re that impatient then get on with it. I didn’t say you can stop.” He nodded, turning back to the man in white pants with a demand, his eyes still watching Johnny. He looked familiar.

Johnny whistled and hissed, bringing her attention back to him. “Look at you. Even I almost believe that look on your face. What’s wrong, baby? You sound mad.” He cooed, mocking her.

“What’s wrong is that you’ve sauntered in here to ruin my night.” She failed to hide her frown.

"Ruin?" Johnny's voice raised in taunt. "I'm sorry to disturb your little pageant. You must have been enjoying just how easy this was before I walked in. They're eating up your every word, you must be elated."

Her jaw flexed and Johnny had to resist the urge to close the gaping distance between them.

"If you're done with your tantrum. You can leave now." She aimed her gaze at the door, a single and final order. It was Johnny's turn to flex his jaw. Tantrum.

"If you think this is a tantrum then what should we call your fucking fits?" He clamped his jaw the moment he heard the edge in his voice.

"We don't have to call them anything." Her volume rose, taking a step forward, daring him to continue.

"There it is." He smiled victoriously, "Why don't you stomp your foot while you're at it. Let's show everybody what you're really like under this act."

He could see the way she got blinded by her rage. For him he realised, that was something only he was capable of pulling out of her.

He should have backed off but Johnny stayed pinned in place, momentarily consumed by his sick desires to always get a rise out of her. He knew she wanted it too, her breathing hitched but eyes stayed glued on him. It was deranged but this is what he has signed up for with her.

“Fine," She said after a well contemplated silence. Johnny's lips quirked, knowing he was right as usual. Finally she was going to give in to him. For once. "Take off your chain and I’ll give you what you want.”

His smile faltered, brows furrowing. He regained himself quickly, reminding himself that he was being foolish to believe it would be that easy. Not after he was the one who told her they'd be taking a break. Not after the unnecessary things he'd said.

It was a silly thing that he regretted the moment he proposed it. But the tone she had ignored him for no reason still made his blood boil. At least he had the decency to lay down his intentions in front of her. She had absolutely no right to be angry. And yet, she was furious at him. It was evident in how she refused to so much as look at him since he had made the proposition, acting like he wasn't even there. Refusing to share an elevator, refusing to bring papers to his office.

He wanted to be civil but she went to great lengths to stay out of his path. Even reminding him that he wanted this when he asked her why she was sending interns with tasks that were done easier without the middleman.

It was infuriating and it only offended Johnny further. Even now, he was the one to come here with his pride between his legs. He told himself that he would not give in till she relented first. 

“And what is it that I want, Kitten?”

“What you always want.” She turned to walk back to her chair, pulling the object closer to him, letting it grate against the cement floor harshly. “Me.”

Johnny's teeth against each other. Taking his hands out of his pocket, he folded his arms. No, it was her turn to give in.

“I will give you what you want if you take that chain off.” He pointed at her head.

“What I want is for you to leave. If you can’t do that, I will have to abandon my new friends.” She pointed behind her.

They reached a stalemate with her words, silently sizing each other up. In the back, the boys had forgotten about the commotion all together. The sound of clicking locks signalled the introduction of the bondage frame. The next sound was the clean crack of a whip, followed by a harsh inhale once it touched skin. Johnny took in a sharp inhale himself, the sounds tempting him.

“What good will taking mine off do?” Johnny spoke through raspy breathing, “You give up too soon anyway. You don’t know how to be in charge.” Another slash echoed against the walls, this time Johnny exhaled slow. “You only know how to be a brat.”

Despite his words, she smiled, watching him shift on his feet. “Two weeks without being inside me and you’re already forgetting things.”

“Has it been that long already? I didn’t even notice.”

“Sure. The last time you went this long, you were throwing tantrums like this.”

It was Johnny’s time to be racked with anger, his exhale slow, dangerous.

The whips increased in frequency and moans filled the large roam, bouncing across the walls with urgency.

“Go slow.” She lashed, turning her attention back to the couple.

“Sorry." Both of them said together, the one whipping dropped his arm. The other opened his glazed eyes.

Johnny should have brought (Y/N) to the basement himself.

“Sorry what?”

“Sorry, miss.” They said in tandem.

Johnny scoffed, “I never realised what a good teacher I was.”

“What do you fucking want?” She turned back to him, lips twisted with irritation. “You wanted a break, didn't you? What was it that you said?” She finally sat down, leaning back and crossing her legs. “That’s right. “You wanted a change. What happened, are you bored already?"

"No," Johnny shrugged, unclasping his arms from his chest to walk towards her. "I just wanted to see what you were doing with your free time. It's such a pity to see you waste it. The only person bored here is you apparently." This time he did smile, enjoying the way she averted her gaze, "So I came to offer you a game just for tonight."

"Not interested. You need to come up with better excuses."

Johnny hummed like he didn't believe her, shadow falling over his entire form as he came closer. Her brows knit, gearing up to defend the truth. He cut her off before she could even speak.

"Stand up." He ordered, stopping his stride only when his knee touched the chair.

She blinked, practically rendered silent by his audacity. What pissed her off more was how she almost did it, the chair audibly screeching back before she could reign her instincts in.

(Y/N) crossed her arms, mirroring his stance from earlier as she sat back to play off the slip, pretending she was just trying to sit back.

She knew it didn't work when Johnny smirked. She was busy preparing herself for when he asked again, to stand her ground with more conviction. Instead, he leaned down, kneeling in front of her. The act was in sharp contrast to his previous words, giving her whiplash and leaving her out of depth.

His fingers brushed her dress, staring at her lap in a way that made her think he would rest his head against it. It was a thought that had no place in the given circumstances. Slowly he looked up with a tender gaze that was equally out of place.

"What game do you have in mind?" She asked, mostly to distract herself from the way her heart leapt when she met his eyes. After all this time, he still had the ability to make her feel so excruciatingly timid.

"It's movie night." His voice was soft, "Let's pretend to be different people." He ran his tongue over his cheek.

She wasn't sure what to make of the statement. After all this time he never stopped being an enigma.

"Who are you dressed as?" She looked down at his white shirt, making a note of the undone bowtie, "Roger Moore as James Bond?"

"I prefer Sean Connery."

She took the bowtie between her fingers, "You don't have his raw sexual magnetism."

Johnny's lips twitched and she couldn't help the way her own mirrored it.

"If we're going to be playing parts," She sighed, not entirely sure how he'd managed to lure her in. Then again, she was always too ready to give in to him, "Let's play ones different from who we really are. Something to keep this night out of our," She failed to hide the sliver of indignation in her deep inhale, "Current situation."

Johnny licked his lips, looking somewhere between amused and rattled. Yet again, she was stunned by his audacity.

"In that case, I have the perfect thing." He took her hand in hers, bringing it up to kiss her palm. This time her indignated inhale came before a pained exhale.

He came closer instead of finishing his thought, leaning till their noses touched. 

"Let's pretend we're in love."

Her eyes froze over in an instant, a foreign gasp making her turn back to the people who were now spectators to her vulnerability. Both of them watched with bated breaths, their own preoccupations long forgotten. They watched her, waiting for her response.

She pushed Johnny without looking at him. Predictably, he did not budge. When it happened the third time she did turn back, liquid rage dripping from her glare. Her mind mulled over a response multiple times, the sort of words that would express her outrage without hinting at her agony. It fell short, not finding the right ones to express how deeply unkind his words were. Not without betraying her closely guarded secret.

He was still close to her, close enough to let her count the lashes that framed his amber eyes, to see the stray one that fell on his cheek. This close it was easy to see that he was the most beautiful man on earth, easy to forget everything and just fall an inch closer. It was easy to want nothing more than to press her lips against his, to forget they were meant to be apart. This close she didn't need to pretend to be in love.

"Oh god." She heard Yuta's voice, cutting through the haze of lust that began to overcast her decisions. "(Y/N)." He marched up to them.

Only when she heard his footsteps stop beside did she turn from Johnny.

"Let's go, babe." He pointed his thumb at the door, whistling to play off the urgency.

She turned back to Johnny, who had moved back a few inches now. Miles, as far as their usual proximity was concerned.

She sighed, pushing her chair back.

"What do you need (Y/N) for?" Johnny asked casually.

"I need to keep her away from you." Yuta clicked his tongue, laughing awkwardly when Johnny turned to frown at him. "Nothing personal, buddy. She made me promise I would." He pointed at her.

Johnny turned to her, raising a brow. Waiting for confirmation.

"Don't bother. My instructions are to take her away whether she likes it or not. You know how crazy our (Y/N) is." Yuta chuckled like he was making small talk. She got out of her chair with a loud screech.

"Let's go." She grabbed Yuta's arm to turn him around, "I need a fat drink."

"You need a fat something." He scoffed, knowing himself that he deserved the smack she landed on his arm

"At least try to think before you speak sometimes." She groaned.

"Just tell her man." One of the boys spoke up, reminding Johnny of their presence. It was the one in yellow, his brows furrowed in deep thought. His companion scoffed, shaking his head.

"Did anybody say you can stop whipping?" Johnny raised a brow at the guy with the object in his hand. "Did you tell him to stop?" He asked the one tied up. Both shook their heads.

"In that case, you need to focus on your own endeavours." Johnny stood up from the floor, brushing the dirt of the knees of his good pants. "Enjoy your night."

As he turned to walk away, the sound of a whip cracked through the silence.

__

(Y/N) seemed to find more than a few merits in the basement. On top of being less crowded, the basement bar also housed some interesting liquor choices. A tequila bottle with a worm and some Baiju with an entire snake sat side by side on the shelf at eye level. While she would not be trying them, she could respect Ten's sense of humour.

Yuta also swore that this was the bar with the best cocktails. Martin, the bartender, was a legend on the premises if her best friend's claims were true. Patrons would sometimes grace the floor to only stop for a drink. She was sufficiently intrigued.

Nails tapped against the stone surface of the bar as they waited for the cocktails in question. She also waited for Yuta to speak, getting impatient and agitated from his stare.

"I just don't understand why you keep doing this." He huffed. Never one to express any overt opinion on the matter, she was caught off guard by his frustration. "If you really want to stay out of his way then do it."

"I'm trying. He came to me."

“You and I both know that you can enforce a boundary when you want to.” He groaned, looking away like the whole thing was making him uncomfortable. “Look, I don’t want to sit here and act like I can give you any real advice. I just want to ask you if you’re sure about what you’re doing.”

She could never lie to Yuta, not in a convincing way at least. She stopped tapping her nails, rubbing her fingers together and watching the bright lights above reflect on her nails.

“I know what I'm supposed to be doing. What it’s supposed to be like.” She mumbled the confession, spotting a chip in her nail enamel. “But it’s confusing with him. Everything is confusing with him.” Teeth ground against teeth as she let the words wash over her. She needed a manicure. She needed to stop doing this to herself.

"This has started to feel self-inflicted to me." Yuta assessed with accuracy.

"It needs to end." She spoke, the words rattling her to the core.

It was the only way left now.

"Then do it? What exactly are you waiting for?" Yuta raised a brow, making it blatant that he was baiting her.

Her lips parted, answer ready on her lips. She bit her tongue the next moment, putting the thought away.

"How do you just expect him to notice that you're this in love with him when you put so much effort into hiding it?"

She looked up at him fast, "I’m not–"

"Spare me, (Y/N)." He cut her off, "The only person who can't tell is the man himself. And that’s only because he’s too busy being in love with you.”

“Stop.” She shook her head, “That just isn’t true.”

“Are you stupid?”

“Fuck off, Yuta. You don’t know all of it. You’ve seen him be nice, you’ve seen him take me to the orthopaedic’s, seen him get me drinks. But you don’t know how he is. If Johnny loved me, he would say it.”

“Like you say it?” His brows furrowed, looking angry. She had never seen Yuta angry at her.

“It’s not the same.” She took a deep breath, her lungs fracturing from the force. A sound of wood cracking filled the air, followed by the laughs of multiple people. She turned back to see the cause of the commotion. Someone shouted that a bench broke, followed by a reassurance that everybody was fine.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Yuta spoke after, “You keep torturing the guy because you don't know what to do about how you feel. And you torture yourself because you don't want to make a decision." Yuta paused, giving a sympathetic sigh. "I love you, but it's not fair, you know that. He drops everything for you, I can’t believe you don’t see how he lets you toy with him. He’s always at the mercy of your whims and he doesn’t even mind it. Do you want to be the kind of person who does that to someone? He’s a decent guy."

She knew he was right. But he also didn't know all of it. 

"I don't want to torture him." She admitted, keeping her eyes fixed on the white bar top, “He's always trying to get a rise out of me and I just,” She paused to sigh, yet again feeling confronted by her own state. These were things she’d never said before. “So I give him what he wants, a fair fight. I don't know how this ended up being the kind of thing where we keep pushing to see how far it can go.”

Yuta frowned, visibly bothered by the notion. She couldn't blame him. It seemed to be like this all the time now. Both of them looked for reasons to fight lately, like they were testing to see who would get up and call it off first. Loving him made her angry and picking fights made it easier to pin that anger on the right target. He had begun to find her frustrating as a result.

"Why not just talk it out? It can't be worse than it is now?" Yuta questioned.

About this, he would be wrong. She knew Johnny too well by now. He would try to play it off, say that they can give it a shot without meaning it. Johnny was used to being admired, he would never understand its intensity. He would take it as easy as he took most things and it would ruin her.

"I think," She paused, looking up at the ceiling with a groan. "I'm not afraid of rejection. If he said no it would hurt, but I'd move on." She looked back down at her friend with a heavier heart. "What I'm afraid of is that he would say yes without meaning it. He's okay with everything. If I asked him for a relationship he'd say okay, if I ask him I never want to see him again he'd say okay too. If I asked him for the real thing I'd want it to work. But I don't know what he wants." 

She sighed, thinking about how complacent he was about everything. When she decided to ignore him on a whim he left it alone, when she decided to spend the last week of her recovery at Yuta's he was okay with it. He was okay with her sleeping with Doyoung and when she told him they don't anymore he was okay with that too.

"Johnny is just always okay with everything." She spat the words, before she sighed again. "I know that's not fair I just–" She paused again, entirely lost on what she even wanted. "If he loves me, he does a terrible job showing it."

“Oh,” Yuta said. To his credit, she could tell that he was trying to understand. “That does sounds complicated.”

That was what finally made her laugh. Complicated was exactly what she’d spend her entire life avoiding. It was why she spent her weekends with her friends and why she was insistent on keeping things casual with Johnny.

She nodded in agreement, a pitiful smile lifting her lips. "I'm ready to take all of it too. That's how afraid I am to be without him. I keep playing his games and I keep making new ones. Hoping it will keep him interested. Hoping that for once he'd say more than okay. Even if it was a no." She groaned, once again angry at herself.

"What happened to you?" Both of them laughed, her face scrunching.

"I don't know, man. I've tried so many times to figure out how I let a person rattle the peace I’ve spent my entire life protecting. A man who could replace me without any effort."

"No one can replace you." He sounded offended.

She scoffed, mostly finding his reassurance touching.

"I get that you're moping, but you make no sense." Yuta's brows furrowed, "He's wrapped around your fingers."

"That's just because I keep him on his toes." She shrugged, "To overthrow predictability is to strive for more compelling experiences." She repeated the words Johnny had said to get once, the words leaving her tongue bitter. 

Yuta tapped his knuckles on the bar with a frustrated groan, pointing an accusatory finger at her. " I told you to not play fuck monopoly. You've gone and turned it into a tournament." Yuta groaned, knocking his shoulder against hers.

"I should have listened to you.” She admitted, lips twitching when Yuta looked surprised at the confession. “Sometimes I wish it wasn't so combative. If I wasn't so afraid of losing him every second he's with me, then maybe I'd love him without fighting it all the time."

The words left her heavier than she imagined, wishing she really could do it. When she wasn't so busy fighting it with all her might, she knew that loving him was worth all of the things it came with.

"You can just love him." Yuta's words made her close her eyes in denial, "Everybody is at the risk of being lost, no? Nobody comes with a guarantee, why should he? I could have a heart attack tonight while having the best sex of my life and you will never see me again. You don't fight our friendship? Why fight this?"

She looked up a little at loss, unnerved by the wisdom Yuta suddenly imparted.

"What?" He asked.

"I can't believe you just live, laugh, loved this." She snorted. Despite everything, she felt more grateful for Yuta now than she ever had before. "I appreciate this. Really, you are my ride or die." She gave his hand a squeeze.

"Aw, you're so sentimental. Do you still want me to keep you away from Johnny?"

"Yes."

Yuta sighed, "I guess I was also being too optimistic expecting you to change overnight. Think this through when you can."

"I will." She promised.

"That's good enough for me."

_

Leaning against the bar, head resting on her palm, she took in another deep sigh. (Y/N) had lost count of how many it had been. A deep melancholy had settled in her bones and it could neither be shaken off nor be cured.

"What can I get you?" The bartender came up to her.

Her order came to the tip of her tongue like it was second nature, a glass of whatever red was the best. But she stopped herself when she realised that it was Johnny's second choice, not hers. Then she thought to ask for a whiskey but immediately realised that it was Johnny's first. Maybe making a simple decision shouldn't be so complicated.

"A gin and tonic for the lady, Martin. The one you make with the lavender gin." Johnny spoke as he took the seat in front of her. "Since she walked into my gin joint of all places."

The words made her finally realise what he meant to dress as, a humorous smile tugging at her lips. 

It had been a while since she'd seen him properly. Johnny had spent most of the past few weeks on a work trip, spending the remainder of his time on the recording floor. The rest, she took the effort of being out of his way, taking his need for a break to heart. A break from her, he meant. It was the least she could do.

Right now, in the depths of her despair and with two glasses of two different liquors in her, she allowed herself a good look.

To her misfortune, he looked as he always did. As breathtaking as the first day she walked into this club. He was different behind these walls too; always at ease, not exhausted, not burdened by the condition of his position. In here Johnny was always just a man.

She seemed to understand then. He wanted a break to get back to this, to be carefree and fun. Without the predictability and bitterness that had settled into what they had. Her fingers squeezed the edge of the bar.

Johnny ran his index finger over the rim of his glass, mixing the sound with the tapping of his shoe— making some unknown melody. The action brought her attention to the flicker on his wrist, from where hung a single gold chain. Her eyes wandered to his collar, where the silver chain from earlier was missing.

"What brings you here, Miss?" He sat back in his chair, his eyes sparkling under the sparse lights.

She took a moment, taking his words in. His question was an open ended request. She could be anybody she wished right now, say whatever she wished. She could be carefree and fun, be as unpredictable as she liked. 

She could make him stay.

"A miscalculation. I thought it would be an enjoyable night. Yet I'm stuck making boring small talk with a man who thinks he can order drinks for me." She couldn't help the words, the anger from before still remaining. If he wanted time away from her then why did he keep coming in her way? Why did he make it hard for her to walk away from him?

She could be anybody at that moment. Yet, (Y/N) chose to be herself.

Johnny's eyes danced with embers, tongue darting out to lick his eager lips. He chose to be himself too.

"My apologies, Miss." He tipped his head, not meaning it in the slightest.

"You seem to know my tastes." She picked the drink up once Martin placed it in front of her, giving him a quick smile.

"I am a man of many talents." Johnny answered.

"I was talking to the bartender, Sir." She turned to him, nose raised high. Martin chuckled, apologising to Johnny almost immediately after he could. The title was meant to mock the one he used for her. Yet the very formation of the word on her tongue reminded her that it was a word between people they were trying to run away from at the moment.

Johnny's lips twitched and she couldn't tell what it implied, what he was reacting to.

"What brings you here?" She asked, humouring him at last.

"To this place?"

"To me."

Johnny chewed his bottom lip, clearly a little frustrated at her adamant need to be difficult. In truth, she couldn't be sure why she was being like this either. But Johnny liked when he was cornered, rendered retortless. And the distress marked so clearly across his face made the depths of her belly twist in a way it hadn't in weeks.

"Do you gamble?" She asked him, once again steering the conversation away from the dead ends she sent them into herself.

"I did once, lost everything I had."

"That must have been hard. My condolences to you."

"It doesn't matter to me. At least we'll always have Paris." He gave her a smile that was uncharacteristically warm. It pulled her out of the act, reminding her of what she was missing.

(Y/N) remembered making Ten and Johnny watch the movie. One of her all time favourites, she had warned him when he complained about the cliché premise. She knew that was why he was doing this. She just couldn't tell if it was out of spite or affection.

"My husband is waiting for me upstairs. I must go to him." She stood up, breath catching in her throat when he caught her wrist.

"Your husband is gambling."

"My husband doesn't gamble."

"We all gamble, my love."

She jerked her hand out of his hold, the words stinging her like a live wire. Sucking in her teeth she couldn't help the way her face twisted, seething.

"You will be back." Johnny sat back, face neutral.

"Why would I?" She tapped her hand on the bar, lifting her drink into her free hand.

"Because we all have something at stake." He let her hand go, eyes shifting with sorrow. She wondered if he'd always been such a good actor.

__

Johnny played her face over in his mind so many times that he hoped it would dull the pang in his chest. Could it really be that bad? Did she hate the idea that much? Was being in love with him that unpleasant a thought to her?

He groaned, sitting up on the sofa. The sound earned his friends attention, Ten turning to him with a particularly impatient gaze. He looked ready to say something.

"Can you just–" He began, his husband's hand coming up to stop him.

"Johnny needs another drink." Taemin gave Ten a warning look, turning to Johnny after. "There's a good Japanese whiskey out today." He offered with a smile, pitying him.

Johnny wanted to scoff, but he was aware that he had successfully over wrung everybody's patience. So he nodded and got up to leave.

He realised that he had become the reason he avoided the fancies of things as tedious as love, sitting here by himself drowning his aching sorrows in alcohol too expensive to be drunk so copiously. Just like the movie he had made fun of, Johnny was yet again a cliché.

"This needs to stop." He mumbled to himself, not remotely drunk enough to pull half the antics he did tonight.

Johnny had always believed that he’d find love when the time was right. He never sought it out because he believed that these things happened on their own. The fact that he spent the entirety of his twenties building his company was something he was proud of. He didn’t believe he had wasted the time.

In truth, Johnny had spent his entire life working towards something. Too occupied to ever feel loneliness in the way it was perhaps meant to be experienced. Which was probably why he wasn’t prepared for it. Love had finally found him and Johnny was plunged headfirst into wanting something that he failed to work towards. There was nowhere to go. What he wanted was right in front of him. He just didn’t have the courage to grab it.

He heard the hesitant intake of breath he’d recognise anywhere. The sound dragging him out of his musings.

"You were right." Her words pierced through his thoughts.

Johnny halted the urge to whip his head immediately at the sound.

"Are you here to finally gamble?" He spoke to his glass. She came around to stand in front of him, shaking her head.

Her hand reached out, moving the few stray strands off his face, When he flinched at the touch, she retreated her fingers quickly. 

"You aren't the only one to have lost everything in Paris." She spoke carefully.

He sighed, the sound more like the wince of hot sand when it finally rained. Looking up, his eyes met her vulnerable ones, the ones he’d keep making the same stupid mistakes for. The ones he'd happily run into a million dead ends for.

Johnny put his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him. She didn't fight it and he was sure that his relief was written across his face as he rested his forehead against hers.

“Who are you really?” He sighed.

“We said no questions.” She sighed along with him; caressing his hair, playing his game.

"We have to stop doing this to each other. To ourselves." He let the liquor speak for him, soaking up the courage it came with. Johnny took a breath, telling himself to take the leap; to say what he needed to say, to ask for what he yearned to have.

Her hand landed on his arm, squeezing. “Johnny.” Her whisper trembled past her lips.

“Hmm?” He said with incredible caution, squeezing her tighter and bringing her closer. Slowly he opened his eyes, waiting for her to speak.

“Let me go. I don't like this game anymore.” She tried to get away from his hold.

Johnny’s brows furrowed, “What?” He breathed out, not expecting that. He was being serious, he needed to speak before he lost his nerve.

“Just,” She huffed. “Move. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” She hit his shoulder when he didn’t listen.

“You came to me.” He reminded her.

“Yes, and now I want to go.” She grit her teeth. “Please.” She pleaded, practically whimpered in pain, and his hands relaxed the very next moment, letting her go.

“Whatever, (Y/N). I’m tired of this.” He turned away from her.

Despite her earlier insistence, she faltered. He could see her watching him from the corner of her sight, hesitating. Just as he turned to call her out on it, or to finally ask (he wasn't sure), a voice called his name. Both of them turned.

“Hey Johnny,” It was Jessica, the model. “Can you come with me for a moment?”

Johnny turned his gaze to look at (Y/N), finding her jaw gritted and eyes fixed on the girl. His lips quirked despite himself, tongue sliding over his lower lip as it lifted.

“Sure.” He sat up, “I was done here anyways.” He stood up from his seat.

_

“What?” Johnny stopped in front of Ten. If the way he snapped didn’t betray his irritation, he hoped his face did. “Why did you send Jessica to call me?”

Ten turned to Johnny, taking in the apparent displeasure with a frown of his own.

“Yuta mentioned that he’s meant to keep the two of you apart. I thought I would add to the effort.” Ten shrugged.

Johnny ran her hands through his hair, “Okay.” He groaned, sounding anything but. “But why did you send Jessica?”

“She was passing by and she knows you.”

“Yeah but now (Y/N) thinks–” He paused, exhaling in a way that sounded like another groan. “Nevermind. Did you even want anything?”

“Not really.” Ten smacked his lips, “If I avoided all the people you’ve slept with in my club then I would have had to go call you myself.”

“You should have since you’re so passionate about this. (Y/N) can make her own decisions, just leave it alone.” He flicked a pillow from behind Ten, making the guy fall back into the sofa.

Ten turned around, eyes laced with intention.

“You’re a coward Johnny.”

“Ten.” Taemin cautioned but his conviction did not falter.

“You need to grow up and have a real conversation with the girl you love.” He continued, giving his best friend a pertinent look. “You’re just punishing yourself and that girl for no reason.” His face softened for a moment, looking like he was pitying Johnny. “Sometimes we ruin things beyond repair by letting it be.”

“You need to,” Johnny took a step closer, “Leave it alone.” It was a plea, partially because he knew Ten was right.

“He’s right.” Taemin interjected, “You can’t meddle in his matters.”

"I'm not meddling." Ten hissed at his husband, "I'm tired of watching my best friend wallow in a misery of his own making." He looked at Johnny, "It won't go away if you ignore it. And it won't change till you do something about it. So why?" He asked.

Johnny rubbed his hand over his face, not in his right mind or place to have this conversation. “You don’t get it.” He said with a lost voice.

“You have to do something, Johnny. Do you expect to live in limbo?” Ten added.

He expected her to deal the death blow. Something he would not say out loud. This entire time he had expected— practically hoped— that she would be the one who would have left by now. He would have accepted it, he would have swallowed it as an inevitable, and he would have taken solace in having been right from the start. That she would get bored of him.

He had been so sure of it that he wasn't prepared for this. He hadn't accounted for ever making it this far.

Johnny nodded to Ten, a silent promise. His friend was right, no matter how much it pissed him off. Johnny knew he would at least have to make a decision soon.

__

(Y/N) walked away from Johnny with cold hands. This was it, her steps faltered. She walked as far away as she could. All the preparation she had done for that exact moment had evaporated with his words. She couldn’t believe that she ran away like she did, only delaying the inevitable.

He was ready to do it, she could feel it in her bones. She could read it all over his face.

I’m tired of this.

That was the exact indifference to the matter she had feared most of all.

Whatever.

It was like being stabbed by a rusted knife— messy and unnecessary in its cruelty.

Whatever, (Y/N).

Her head hurt, she pushed through to get deeper into the club. To somewhere she could not be found. She needed to prepare herself better for this. She was afraid she’d beg him to say, afraid she’d cry. This wasn't the place or the state of mind she needed to be in for this.

Whatever.

She took a deep breath. No, she needed to prepare herself better.

She couldn’t believe that he would do it here. And he would have. Her exhale came out irate, he would have held her in place and told her he was tired of her.

He would have finished the thought had it not been for the model. Miss belly button herself. Her next breath came out utterly furious.

She was tired of this too, she coaxed herself. Tired of being stuck in limbo with the most elusive man she could have possibly laid hands on. She was tired of loving him too, she lied to herself.

She stopped, realising that she was in the emerald alcove. Yuta’s favourite corner. It was a cosy spot lined by arches that circled the area, littered with chairs that were closer together. Each arch had large and thick curtains that were never drawn, but nonetheless served as a visual policy that added to the sense of seclusion it was meant to emulate.

It was also the part of the club where Johnny had fucked his blonde companion on that night. 

(Y/N) shoved the thought out of her head as fast as it emerged. The first order of business would be to stop thinking about him all the damn time.

She picked up her drink from the bar, a sweet and potent cocktail this time, her kind of drink. Looking around to find a corner to sit in, her eyes landed on a man at the bar. One she recognised. One of the guys from the basement. The rough one with hooded eyes.

"The glasses really change your face." She sat down on the bar stool beside the one he occupied. The man looked up, surprised to see her.

"Usually people tell me how used to my glasses they are, that my face feels empty without them," He smiled to himself. "But I suppose we met under extraordinary circumstances." He tapped his glass, still giving her an odd look.

"You look disconcerted by the memory." She pursed a smile.

"Not particularly, I just didn't think I'd see you again. I'm a little surprised in all honesty." He commented.

"It's a small world." She shrugged.

"It's an even smaller guest list."

This time she did smile.

"I do finally understand why new faces are such a sensation around here." She continued into a new territory, enjoying the confusion on his face.

"Isn't it so?" He snapped back into a casual retort almost immediately. "It gets awkward really fast when everybody is a friend of a friend."

"Speaking of, where's your friend?" She looked around, wondering if he was close.

The guy smiled, almost like he was expecting it. "Why? Would you prefer his company to mine?"

She looked back, "I'm just curious." Her shrug was noncommittal.

"He must be around here somewhere." The man shrugged back, equally evasive. "We aren't friends, we just fuck sometimes. These big, important men and their secret need to be in the palm of someone's hand." He told her like she somehow knew what he was talking about.

She gave him a puzzled look that made him chuckle. 

"I thought Johnny Suh used to wear copper as a joke." This time he steered the conversation into new waters, "But you, I always knew were the silver type." He pointed a finger at her, more victorious than accusatory.

"Nonsense." She laughed.

"You're a natural. I knew it on the day the man spent the entire evening on the floor with your foot in his lap."

"I," She paused, stunned at the mention of the day. From the perspective of a virtual stranger nonetheless. "I can't believe you saw that." She blushed, the memory coming back. It was a joke, something they did to see how their friends would react. It never occurred to her before now how it might look to an onlooker.

"Small pool." He shrugged, "When I first started coming here, I had my eyes on him. But it's easy to tell that he's not the surrendering type. So when I saw that, I couldn't help but have my eyes on you."

She was surprised by the easy confession, an effortless breeze .

"Did I live up to your expectations or was it disappointing?" She questioned, playing her surprise off as flirtation.

"Yes and no." The man smiled, pushing his specs higher up. "On one hand I've finally solved the mystery that is Johnny Suh."

"Oh.” She stopped to wonder if she should ask him to elaborate, thinking against it immediately after. “And on the other?" She asked instead.

"I really wish you did more than just watch."

Her mouth opened with evident surprise, the words so easily said. An absolute and uncomplicated request. The man laughed, clearly enjoying the surprise on her face. It made her snap back.

"Maybe in a few months, we can get back to this." She half joked.

"Months?" He winced, "Are you going on a trip?" He sniggered.

She smiled, not willing to elaborate any further.

"Something to look forward to nonetheless." He raised a glass, "I think your usual is waiting for you." He pointed over her shoulder, making her turn.

Her usual was sitting on one of the sofas, at a considerable distance. She wouldn't even have noticed him without the prompt.

"Well, your glasses work for sure." She squinted. "Trying to get rid of me?" She asked while trying to gauge Johnny's expression. She was unfortunately not wearing her own glasses.

The man laughed, "No, I just believe that some things are best left unbreached." His voice was careful.

She turned back, "And here I thought you were flirting with me."

"Oh I absolutely am. I just have different tastes. Also best left unencroached." He licked his lips.

Her eyes fell on the movement, "I have ears and an open mind." She looked up deliberately slow.

"I don't know, will you just using me to make a point?" He teased, eyes darting behind her.

"You don't seem to mind being used."

His cheeks turned red and it made her lips twitch. She had been denying herself the extent of what the club had to offer, (Y/N) realised.

The man's eyes went behind her again just as she heard shuffling. She rolled her eyes to the heaven's themselves. Eventually, she'd tire of Johnny's predictable antics. Maybe then she'd tire of her own too.

"Is she bothering you again?" Johnny put a hand on her waist, effortless and clear in its intention.

"We were just getting to know each other." The man smiled.

She realised that she hadn't caught his name yet.

"Are you finally socialising?" The question was blatantly aimed at her. But she pretended not to understand, turning to call the bartender over instead.

"A repeat?" The server pointed to her glass but she shook her head.

"Water."

"Time for us to go home, babe?" Johnny leaned down, his breathy question warning her neck. The heat from his hand burned her through her dress as well. The assumption in his words burning her pride.

"You're intruding." The words slipped from her tongue. She didn't look at Johnny but the other man looked up at him with a glint in his eyes.

Johnny laughed again, this time a little more nervous. Good, she thought. She was done pretending to take him in stride.

"(Y/N)–" Johnny began, his words careful.

"Go home, Johnny." She interrupted. "Didn't you say you were tired?" She turned to look at him. Johnny looked down at her with a heavy frown. She braced herself for some dreaded response. But he said nothing, just watching her for a fleeting moment in a way that gave her hope. Hope that immediately soured when he looked away.

"I'm actually tired." She said simply. "You might have to go look for belly button again. What was her name, again?"

"You never asked her name."

"Right. It's for the best, I suppose." She grit her teeth, hands tightening around her glass. "It would be a long day if I tried to keep up with them all."

His eyes glimmered with ill intention as he leaned closer to her face. Pride made her stand her ground, not look away.

"I've done it to you too. If you want me to do it again just ask." He licked his lips, a heated reminder of a few months ago when things were so very different. Every inch of her skin flushed.

"Fuck you." She spat, the implied consolation in the words enraging her from head to toe. Especially when he didn't sound consolatory at all. 

She turned when she heard the chair beside her move.

"Leaving so soon?" She asked the man. He shrugged, adjusting his glasses and giving her a nod.

"Come on." Johnny nudged her, "We're done."

"No, I'm just getting started." She met his gaze from the corner of her eyes, You can go back to whatever cunt you crawled out of." She eyed Johnny's unruly hair, ruined by god knows what, truly at the tail end of her patience and pretence.

She turned back to give the man a smile, "I'm sorry, please just ignore him."

He gave an uneasy laugh, looking up at Johnny before back at her. Before the man could get another word in, she felt Johnny close in again. This time his fingers slid down her arms. 

He did it so deliberately slow, so expertly, that apart from breaking into goosebumps, she also visibly shivered. His lips part against the shell of her ear, the sound rattling her spine.

"The only cunt I'm crawling in or out of is yours. I’m sure you’re smart enough to figure that out by now." He kissed the skin under her ear, making her shut her eyes. The words and the action did exactly what he intended. She melted against him, heart soaring at the confession. 

The chair beside her slid back further, making her eyes open. "Never a boring day in this club." The man chuckled to himself, walking away after giving her a last wave and Johnny an amiable nod.

"I hate you." She spat at Johnny once he was gone. 

"Okay." Johnny said, not even pretending to take her seriously. "Come, I want to fuck you." He brushed his fingers over her knuckles. The words made her stomach twist and clench. "I even wore your favourite little chain."  He took her hand in his, the gold chain hanging from the wrist.

Her lungs slammed her heart, no doubt exhausted by its flightless fancies. He was giving her what she wanted. It was all she would have. Johnny was giving in to her for once.

Fuck. She cursed in her head. Just this once.

She still didn't turn to look at him, "Will you honour it?" The words came out easier than she would have liked. Johnny hummed against her ears, lifting her hand to his lips.

"Anything you want." He kissed the tips of her fingers one by one.

"Are you still playing your game?" Doubt made her ask the question, finally daring to turn just enough to see his face. She wanted him to say no. He looked up and remained silent instead.

Her ensuing exhale was one of surrender, "Fine, let's play."

A game was all it was, she supposed.

_

Johnny lay back in bed with a kind of cocky smirk that looked like he had already won. She couldn’t fathom what he was so proud about. But then again, he had no clue what was to come.

“How will you have me?” He asked, undeterred by the weight of any consequences. He put his arms behind his head, relaxing further into the bed. She didn’t answer him, turning her back to him to peek through the amenities drawer. After rummaging through all the intriguing objects, she settled on a long satin cloth. Running it between her fingers she closed her eyes to feel it, deciding that this would have to do.

When she turned, his eyes were waiting, taking the object in.

“Are you going to blindfold me to deprive me of your pretty face? Or will you do it to yourself to pretend I’m someone else. The man from earlier, perhaps?” He raised a brow.

She said nothing, keeping her eyes roaming and on anything but him. Gently, she put the cloth down at the very foot of the bed before walking into the washroom.

When she returned, Johnny’s brows were furrowed. He tried to smooth it out when she came into view, but the subconscious frown on his lips remained. It made her purse a smile.

For all his menacing ways, Johnny was a generous lover. His intention was to push her beyond the edges of her flimsy patience, going a little further each time till she was surprised at her own limits. 

But he was also kind in a way that he didn’t realise. Johnny would take his time, but the man always gave in before he intended. True to his personality, he went with the flow and stayed starkly aware of his partner. She could always trust that he would never push her beyond a limit she could not handle.

She however was not the same. Not as seasoned as he was, she was driven solely by her need to stake a claim on his bottomless patience. 

Her need to control him was unique to him only. (Y/N) had never desired to conquer a man like she wanted to conquer Johnny Suh. It made her petty and it made her unpredictable. He had known how to push her buttons from the first day she walked into this place. Even before that, Johnny always knew how to push her professionally. He drove her to blinding rage that left her vulnerable.

It made her mean in retaliation. Her method was to distress him in an effort to shatter his usual easygoing resolve. She liked to watch him beg as much as he did her, but more than that she liked to watch him as he let her get away with it all. 

She was always at his fingertips. But he was also wrapped around her fingers. And she'd take every opportunity she had left to remind him of that.

He turned to look at her, trying to hide his growing impatience. She untied her hair, letting it fall over her shoulders with a sigh.

She stopped at the edge of the bed, eyes going over his entire form. Her eyes halted at his legs, returning to his waiting gaze with a silent instruction. Johnny decided to play dumb, raising both his brows in clueless question.

She didn't move, watching him with such impassive patience that a part of her was impressed by her own restraint. There was a silent stare off that she promised to win on account of the indignation she'd been holding at bay for two weeks.

Johnny smiled, a thought sparking his eyes.

"You do it." He stared at her, "Please?" His voice dripped with his taunt.

She turned away from him, walking back to the foot to pick up the sash she left. His eyes followed her as she came back. Sitting beside him, she placed her hand across his torso. Tilting her head to her shoulder she watched him for a second, eyes storming with contemplation.

"Come here." She finally said, fingers brushing over the buttons of his pants. He moved so fast that he almost threw them both off the bed. Her lips twitched and she had to look away to bite it back.

"We don't know each other." She said softly, fingers flicking the button off. When she looked up, Johnny's brows were furrowed in confusion. "We're strangers who met here today. That's the people we can pretend to be."

Johnny chewed on his bottom lip, looking like he wanted to say something.

"It's my turn. That's the part I want to play." She reinforced her idea, taking his silence as agreement. 

Johnny nodded, confused but intrigued by where this was going. She was angry, it was plain to see. Johnny had never really seen how her fury looked when it boiled over. But he hadn't expected it to be this silent. He tried to push down the fear it brewed deep within his bones. With all his pushing, Johnny also knew how to pull back. So he allowed himself to go along with the game, hoping he hadn't pushed her too far.

When she did pull his pants down, Johnny's dick stood up like it was peering to catch a glance. As usual, a traitor. She unclenched her fingers, the sash falling on his legs. Still unsure of its purpose, he extended his hands to her, wrists held together.

She looked up at him with cold amusement, "Do you want to be restrained that bad?"

"What else could it be for?" He asked, voice betraying his impatience.

"You don't need to be tied, Johnny. You never do. It's not like something so flimsy would hold you anyway." He watched her toy with the object, gingerly wrapping one end of the cloth around her palm a few times. The other end still resting against his thigh.

"Then?"

"What? Don't trust me?" She raised an expectant brow.

"Right now, I'm not sure what you're going to do." He gave her a cautious gaze, yet again failing to gauge her state of mind.

"Just lie back."

So he did, he listened to her and relaxed back against the pillows.

She raised her hand flicking the sash up, the material brushed against his dick, making it twitch again. She did it again, moving it back and forth against his tip till he was clenching his thighs.

"What are you doing?" He asked between rapid breaths.

"Don't like it?" She questioned, meeting his gaze. When she moved it again, the smooth cloth brushed over the underside of his cock, grazing the vein that was now bulging. Johnny's hips lifted off the bed. "You seem to like it." She hummed.

She looked back down, spinning the sash around this time. The thing wrapped around his cock in hypnotising circles, covering the length with feather light brushes. When it brushed over his tip, Johnny had to close his eyes.

He had been so on edge all evening, so excruciatingly hard, that his dick was beyond sensitive. It made the delicate friction shoot liquid electricity up his legs, fresh blood pumping into his already stiff dick.

Then she tugged the ribbon with one harsh pull, the entire thing tightening around his length in one exquisite clench.

"Fuck." He groaned, hips bucking up again. "That's–" He began, but the material was already coming loose, making his eyes shoot open just as she let it fall slack. 

Before words could form in his mind, before Johnny even tried, she was moving it back and forth again.

"What are you trying to do?" He asked, feeling as confused as he did aroused.

"I'm going to get you off. That's what you want, right?" She blinked up at his face, giving him an innocent look.

He wanted her to touch him. But that felt like a confession of subjugation.

"I'm not going to get off like this." He said instead. Her lips twitched, the glint in her eyes telling him that he'd said the wrong thing.

"Are you assuming, or is that a promise?" She questioned.

Johnny didn't respond, knowing well when he'd walked into one of her traps. She knew it too, returning to the task at hand with a chuckle.

"I'll take that as a promise then." She spoke softly, words as gentle as the satin that brushed against his dick over and over.

With each stroke, he felt the skin get more sensitive than he thought possible. His hips squirmed more frequently, eyes fluttering shut, the fabric edging him to insanity. The precum that was beading at his tip began to make each brush a little harsher. 

It wasn't enough to even pretend to search for the beginnings of a build up. Yet it made his cock twitch a little more with each brush, just enough to feel good in what it was denying him. Johnny's lips parted when she wrapped the ribbon around his dick again, brows creasing as she tugged the thing tight around his length. He would have laughed at his state had he not felt so incredibly turned on.

"You love this." She seemed to choke on her own realisation, just as he felt the cloth begin to wrap around his dick again. Knowing what was coming, he braced himself. "Look at you, Whore." She clicked her tongue, "Your fingers are going to tear the sheets."

Heat spread from his forehead down his chest, suddenly too aware of the effect this was having on him.

"I'm trying not to grab your hair and put your mouth where it belongs." He opened his eyes, just in time for her to pull the sash taut again. A moan slipped past his open mouth.

"Where does my mouth belong?" She goaded him, "On your cock?" A dismissive hum slipped past her lips. "Looking at you now, I think my mouth is too good for you."

With that, Johnny could agree. Her mouth was too good for anyone. He wasn't sure that he wouldn't come the moment she so much as brushed her lips against it.

"You've kept me hard and waiting all night. There's only so much a man can take." His thighs unclenched as the ribbon released his length, falling around the base in circles.

"I told you to go bury your busy cock in some other hole."

"And I told you I only want to bury myself in you." He raised a brow, annoyed that she refused to believe him.

He saw the shift in her gaze and the red that tinted her cheeks.

"Let me feel how wet you are." The words rushed out with desperation, taking the liberty the moment gave him. Slowly, he dragged his hands closer to her. Despite the caution she was menacing, tightening the cloth against his base with a swift jerk. The friction made him wince, his hips lifting off the mattress again.

"Take your time with your game. I just want to see how much your pussy missed me."

Her breath came in and out in sharp waves, never too far to not be affected by the right words. Words he knew best.

"Behave." She warned him.

"No." He sat up, enjoying the uneven rise and fall of her chest.

"Alright." She said, letting the sash go entirely. 

Johnny raised his head, a little surprised by her agreement. He also couldn’t believe the pang of disappointment that racked through him at the loss of the touch.

"Take your shirt off." She pointed her chin to his chest.

Experience told Johnny that there was a catch, but it also told him to do what he was told. He took off his buttons rapidly, afraid she'd change her mind.

“You’re very eager.”

“I’ve had a long night.”

She got off the bed, bending over to pull her panties off. Johnny licked his lips before he could truly understand and control the urge. She caught the sight, lips cocking in an arrogant smirk. Both of them turned to catch his dick twitch.

She stood up once the garment was off, walking back towards him while Johnny curbed the urge to demand she take her dress off too.

Slowly, she got on the bed. Resting either knee over his waist, Johnny put his arms behind his head to watch her straddle him. Feeling cocky himself, he let a smirk light his lips. When she caught it, her own smirk looked to pity him.

“You’re also very presumptuous.” She started moving forwards. His tip brushed against her clit as she moved, both of their breaths seizing in tandem.

To his surprise, she got a hold of herself before he did, lifting herself higher to avoid a repeat.

Having already lost the upper hand in the situation, Johnny parted his lips. “Do it again.” He asked shamelessly.

She ignored the words, not even refusing or reminding him of his current station. When she sat down, it was on his abdomen. For a moment, his senses blurred. 

Johnny could feel the smooth glide of her wet slit, practically slipping.

“Fuck Kitten, You’re so wet.” He hissed, stomach clenching tight along with his fist as he resisted the desire to grab her waist.

“I’ve always wanted to do this.” She breathed out, the shake in her voice betraying the intensity of the sentiment.

“Just listen to your sopping pussy squelch for me.” He groaned, head falling back as he heard the sound of her pressing against him. “You just love using me, don’t you?”

“How can you tell? Are you used to being used?” She questioned.

Johnny thought it was a joke, lifting his head with humour in his eyes. But upon meeting her gaze, he saw it bore into him, looking displeased.

Right.

He forgot they were strangers.

“I know the type.” He answered after several moments.

“Oh? A lot of experience in the area?”

“Mmhm.” He hummed.

Both her hands pressed against his chest, “Eager and presumptuous men should be used once in a while. Keeps you grounded, don’t you agree?” Her hips slid forward, head falling over almost immediately.

She bit back a moan. Johnny smiled.

“I’m not sure I do.”

“No?” Her next glide came as Johnny flexed his stomach, pulling a hiss from her. “You need a change in perspective.”

“Is that what you’re here to do? Enlighten me?” He raised a brow.

She nodded, eyes fluttering closed. With each glide of her hips, it got harder for her to hold still. Soon, her legs were tightening around his waist. They still shook, despite the tight grip.

“Your legs will be sore tomorrow.” Johnny warned.

"You should be more concerned about yourself right now."

"I think I'm doing good." He sighed, lips lifting in a relaxed smile.

"That's unfortunate. We can't have that." Her breath stuttered as Johnny flexed his stomach in retaliation.

Johnny scoffed, "You just love to make it harder for yourself, don't you? Just wait till later."

"Later?" She hummed, hips coming to a halt. "Do you think you'll see me again?"

Johnny chewed on the inside of his cheek. That was not funny to him at all. It leeched what little enjoyment he had and he had to close his eyes to take in a furious breath as she began humping into him again.

(Y/N) couldn't tell why he had gone quiet all of a sudden. She wasn't supposed to care, she wasn't going to. He was doing what she had intended to do. She told herself that his silence was also a tactic. That is why she felt bothered. Her hands pressed against his chest with more urgency, the movement of her hips getting faster.

"Enjoying yourself?" He asked after so long that she gasped at the sudden sound. She nodded, her pace increasing as she felt the knot in her stomach tie itself tighter.

She looked up at his eyes, this close the building pleasure in her core muffled her brain further. (Y/N) leaned in, eyes fixed on his lips. Everything aside, she always missed kissing him the most.

She didn't expect his hand to move at all, nonetheless to grab her chin. He squeezed her cheeks harshly, lifting her face to meet his gaze as he sat up.

"I don't kiss strangers." He reminded her, making her crumble inside. "Understood?" He raised an irate brow. She nodded and he let go as fast as he had grabbed her, bringing his hands back to his sides and relaxing again.

Her pace slowed down a little despite herself. She felt rattled by the words.

Right.

She forgot that he could be cruel too when he wanted to be. At least in these cases, they were true equals.

After losing her rhythm, the tightness in her belly slipped away. No matter how fast she moved her hips, what angle or pattern she tried, she felt frustratingly far away from the build up that never came.

"You don't seem to be doing too good. Need help?" His words were a taunt. She thought it best to ignore it, moving down to sit atop his length. Johnny's head fell back as a sigh left her.

"I think I can manage." She muttered, too distracted by her own frustrations.

"I don't think you can." He spoke through a tight jaw, "Ever used a man before, honey? I don't think you know how to do this." He continued to provoke her.

"And you do?" She asked, sliding over his length. Both of them gasped when his tip nudged her clit, leaving his length wet from her leaking insides. "You look too busy being pussy drunk."

"I'm nothing if not a multi-tasker." He groaned, hips bucking once before he pressed it back down with the sheer force of his will.

She smiled, "That's a lot of promises."

"Give me a chance and I'll show you."

She thought about the first time he was at her mercy like that, the time feeling like it was years ago instead of just one. His every overconfident claim drove her mad, even more so when he lived up to each claim and more.

She thought about her first night here, not even strangers back then. She thought about the first time she had met him. About how she knew him as the man who had built himself a monolith. 

In truth, Johnny had never been a stranger to her. She walked into her interview the same way she had walked into the room much like this one a year ago.

Absolutely enamoured by him.

She stopped moving entirely, "Fine."

Johnny lifted his head to look at her, "What?"

She thought about the little things that could have been different the first time around. Whether they would have produced a different outcome.

"Show me." She lifted her arms, surrendering to him.

His hands came to her back in a flash, lifting her and dropping her down in a heartbeat. Her head fell on the very edge of the bed, knocking the air out of her.

"Are you sure?" He asked, eyes boring into hers.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, "Have you known me to offer anything if I wasn't?"

He raised a brow, forehead gathering. "I thought we didn't know each other."

"Your turn." She told him.

The words made him chew on his bottom lip, his free arm tracing up and down her leg and driving her wild.

"Alright. Sit up." He nodded, pulling back.

Confused, she regardless did what he asked. As she sat up, his hands came to her waist, keeping her on his lap.

Her nose knocked into his, the proximity to his stormy eyes making her dizzy.

"First thing," He whispered, hand coming to her hair. "We don't need these." He unclasped the pin that held the chain in her hair, taking the one on his wrist off right after. 

She gave him a confused look but didn't question it.

"We play my parts now." His breath hitched, "There are no winners. I don't want to fight, I don't want to win. I don't want to be strangers." She heard the small clink of the two chains being placed on the table, his eyes coming back to hers right after, "I want to make love to you." He kissed her eyelid.

Her chest crumbled at the words, caving in and grinding itself into pieces. Helplessly, she nodded.

He shifted, gently placing her head on the pillows.

"Wrap your legs around my waist." He whispered, words as delicate as his actions. She did what she was told.

"Why are you doing this?" She couldn't help but ask, needing an answer.

"You said you wanted to be furthest from who we are. We're already strangers, (Y/N). Despite everything, I still don't know you."

"You could just ask." She whispered, brushing her knuckles over his chin. "I'd tell you anything you want. All you have to do is ask."

Johnny's eyes steeled over at the words and she bit down on her lips hard, cursing herself for letting her sentiments get ahead of her.

"You were truly born to drive me crazy." He groaned, leaning down to kiss her jaw. She froze, expecting him to kiss her. But his lips moved lower instead, hands coming up to the ends of her bunched dress.

"Taking this off." He mumbled against her skin. She nodded.

He pulled back to do the task, watching her with intoxicating intensity as she lifted her hips off the bed.

"So beautiful." He sighed, "I don't understand how you're mine." He breathed out, making the growing cavity in her chest swarm with butterflies. The lines between pretence and reality blurred long before they even existed.

"The same way you're mine." She dared to say, the thought itself as devastating as it was euphoric.

Johnny groaned with approval, hands slipped between them to pull her panties off, "Should I ease you into it?" He asked, finger brushing over her entrance.

Despite seeing white spots in her vision at the touch, she shook her head. "No, I'm good."

His head lifted, eyes coating with tenderness, something she didn't realise she had been yearning for, "Still, it's been a while."

She tugged at the edge of his shirt, bringing him closer, "Your dick is inside me more than it's outside it." She wiggled under him, her impatience already fighting with her need to cherish this moment, "I promise you, I can take it." She huffed.

"What a filthy mouth," He curled his smiling lips, leaning forward till their foreheads touched. She held her breath, again expecting him to kiss her, but he just brushed his lips over the corner of her mouth. "Did you miss my cock?"

"Johnny," She whined, "Please. I need you."

"Answer me, (Y/N)." He asked and she nodded.

Her eyes screwed shut, "I–Fuck." Her words jumbled, when she felt him nudge against her writhing hole.

"Did you?" He asked with a wispy voice, stuttering.

More than anything else, she missed him. All of him. The confession at the very tip of her lips, threatening to flow.

They were playing a part she reminded herself. For a few moments, she was safe behind it.

She forced her eyes open, "It was you I missed. God I miss you so much I might just go mad."

Johnny forsake his control, slowly beginning to ease himself into her. Every muscle in her body went stuff, endless mutters leaving her lips.

"Really?” He asked through his teeth.

"Every goddamn day." She responded with the same gritted jaw.

He hummed, sounding infuriatingly unconvinced. "Why didn't you come to me then?" He stopped after only a few inches, pulling back out again.

"You told me you wanted a break. From me. What was I supposed to do? You weren't even here. You did everything you can to avoid me."

"You did it to me too." He muttered. To her surprise he pouted, the gesture giving her whiplash as he entered her again a little further this time. "You're so wet, baby. So tight." He groaned, eyes shutting for a moment like he was taking it in.

Baby. It was something he had never called her before. Her insides clenched around him in the same way her heart squeezed around those words— holding the moment as tight as she could. He'd used an array of words to refer to her, to call her, to praise her and degrade her. Yet nothing ever felt like this one. As unassuming as it was. Maybe she was actually mad.

"I can't come and just demand your attention. I'm not like you, I just can't do it." She huffed, frustrated and relieved at the same time.

"You're always demanding my attention."

"That's untrue."

"Is it?"

It wasn't. She did always make an effort to be at the forefront of her mind. Of course like many other things, she'd assumed she was good at keeping it covert. In actuality, like most other things, he was just letting her get away with it.

But this was different. This wasn't about teasing him or toying with his need for excitement. This was him wanting a change. She knew that because he told her as much. It hurt her beyond consolation and she couldn't be in front of him with that. 

It had been a year and she had probably become stale to him.

"Why are you fighting with me?" She said instead of acknowledging those things, "I thought you wanted to be in love?"

"This is how love feels like," He looked over her face. "So I'm told." He marched the words with the slow retreat of his length.

On this, she could agree with him. Of all the things people had to say about love, no one warned her how gut wrenching it could also be. She'd hate it if the good parts hadn't made up for it and more.

Her overwhelmed mind made the next question spill, "What does it feel like to you?" She asked him, not sure what she was expecting.

"Like this." He sighed, beginning to push so slightly back inside her. "Like being inside you."

The words made her clench around him yet again. She wanted nothing more than for him to mean those words. Moments like this made her wonder just how she had managed to mask her real feelings for so long. Especially now, when every inch of her seemed to be bursting with it.

"Kiss me, Johnny." Her eyes fluttered open, swallowing whatever remained of her pride to ask for what he already denied her. “Show me just how much you love me."

Johnny’s eyes softened like they melted— glistening despite being in the shadow.

Then his lips pressed against hers and she felt like her entire being lit up with the brunt of her relief. Her hands came to his neck, his to her hips, holding each other like it was the only thing they knew.

She sighed into his mouth without meaning to, the faintest moisture collecting in the corner of her eyes. She had truly missed kissing him. He had ruined the act of it. He had given her the privilege of kissing her, and now she considered it a privilege outright.

It would also be the thing she would miss the most. That and his smile, the sound of his voice when he laughed, the way he said her name. (Y/N) wondered if she'd ever truly be able to kiss another person again.

Johnny's lips moulded over hers like they were completing a puzzle. His hand stroked her thigh gently as her head tilted up to deepen the kiss. He kissed her slow and he kissed her fast, taking his time to navigate each familiar crevice. His sigh was touching, one of relief and comfort. She could get lost in that alone, locking the sound away in her memories.

She'd miss him so much when he was gone that she missed him already. Her arms pressed him closer to her, with more urgency. When he trailed his kisses down her neck, she used the opportunity to wipe her eyes against her shirt, still hanging on his shoulder.

Now Johnny entered her completely, and it took her breath away. Her arm squeezed his neck, his shoulder muffling her moan.

"Good?" He questioned, more as a gauge of her state than to fish for compliments.

"The best." She couldn't help herself if she tried. When he probed the thicker part of her walls she moaned his name so loud that she was sure it could be heard all the way to the basement.

"Yes right there." She added once the stars in her vision dulled.

"Yes, I know." He chuckled, peppering kisses all over her neck and cheek. "I know." He reassured.

"Don't stop." She whined, the pleasure mixing with the flurry of emotions to drive her mad. "Johnny, please."

"I won't." The words accompanied a tender hush. "I've got you." He promised.

"Johnny, I'm so—" He cut her off by grabbing her chin, lifting himself higher and making her look into his eyes.

"I love you. You." He tripped over his words. "I love you so much. More than life itself." He groaned, brows furrowing. "Fuck, you were just made for me and I spend all my time thinking about just that." His thrusts started to get sloppy, only spurred on by her tight grip around him. "That and just how much I fucking love you."

Her lips parted on their own accord, "Johnny, I–" But the words were cut off by a moan as he came with a sudden shiver. The feeling of his come shooting inside her sending her into her own orgasm as he kept up his ridiculous pace.

(Y/N) had never felt hollow the way she felt when he pulled out of her after what felt like hours of just laying there. She couldn't even feel the relief of his weight lifting off her chest. 

He was staring at her from the side, she could feel his eyes looking her over, analysing each movement on her face. When he took in a breath— to say something, she got out of bed. Once again fear grabbed at her, mind filling with every possible explanation he would have to dismiss everything that had just happened.

"I should get cleaned up." She mumbled to the floor, not even bothering to gather any of her clothes. She just went into the bathroom and stayed in the tub. Long enough to be sure he was asleep. 

Or gone.

_

(Y/N) woke up to the feel of Johnny’s hand sliding up her legs, resting on her hip. She smiled, pulling her head back to look at him through her slitted gaze.

“Morning.” Johnny’s voice, as deep as it was on most mornings, was too cautious. Her brows knit, confused for a moment. Then the previous night came back to her, reminding her that this wasn’t most mornings.

She hummed in response, “Where did you get pajamas?” She asked, eyeing the dark green t-shirt and pants that she was certain weren’t from his closet.

“The bottom drawers in the dresser always have a pair or two.” He informed her, the first she heard of this.

“Why didn’t I get one?” Her brows gathered. Johnny just gave her a cheeky grin.

“We haven’t spent a night here before, have we?” He questioned her.

“I haven’t.” She mumbled, shifting to bury her face further in his neck then she found it when she woke. But the reminder had ruined the harmless mood.

Pulling away felt too awkward to pull off so she just tried to shift again. Johnny must have read her mind because his arm came back to her leg, pulling it up on his own and leaving a chaste kiss on her forehead. A sigh left her lips, finding comfort in the familiar situation despite the circumstances. The air in the room was, nonetheless, tense. She told herself she'd take away these moments as relics.

None of them spoke to fill the silence. In truth, there was nothing to say. Only when it got too hot did she pull back from him. 

Silently, (Y/N) slipped out of bed, looking around to spot her clothes. A knock on the door made her rise, grabbing one of the robes that always hung from the bathroom door.

She opened it to find Charlie, one of the servers, standing with her things in his hand.

“Mr. Nakamoto sent your things.” He reached his hands out with her bag, “I took the liberty of bringing Mr. Suh’s things as well.” He handed her the paper bag as well.

“Thank you, Charlie.” She smiled, “I heard that you’re getting married?” She beamed and the man blushed in response, giving her a shy nod.

The overnight bag she had packed for Yuta’s house was heavy and made it difficult to open it with both hands full. She reached into the packet in which Charlie handed over Johnny’s belongings, taking his wallet out to pick out a note to hand to the man for his efforts.

“Next time you’re manning the bar, I want to know how you met your partner.” She smiled at him and he thanked her for the tip. Once she closed the door, she could put the bags down. Sighing from the release of the burden, she opened her bag to fish her own wallet out, replacing the money she took from Johnny.

“You didn’t have to do that.” His voice came from behind. She turned, finding him leaning against the wall and watching her carefully, arms crossed in front of his chest. She just shrugged in return, coming up to hand him his things before walking into the bathroom.

When she emerged, she was dressed for the day. Johnny was laying in bed with his feet on the floor, looking up from his phone when she walked into his line of vision.

“Where are you going?” He asked, brows furrowed like he was somehow expecting her to stay.

“Yuta and I are supposed to have brunch today. Hyuck too.” She spoke while clasping her watch.

“The breakfast here is pretty good. You can just eat downstairs.” Johnny sat up, phone dropping on his chest and then on the bed.

She looked up at him, lost. Breakfast was another thing she did not know the club provided.

Johnny seemed to catch on, eyes lighting up with amusement. "Really, it's like a hotel if you can ignore the large bowls of condoms everywhere."

She laughed under her breath, “Ten’s more entrepreneurial than you are.”

“I’ll have you know that it was my idea.” He said defensively, smiling nonetheless.

“Oh.” She chuckled, “My apologies. The condoms or the breakfast?" Picking up her shoes, (Y/N) sat down at the edge of the bed.

"The breakfast. The condoms are more of a legal failsafe. Your department more than mine."

Both of them laughed.

The next several moments were silent till she finished putting on her shoes, his hand coming to her waist as she started getting up.

He snaked the arm around her to halt her efforts, “Stay.” It was a single word packed with a heavy request. She could feel his eyes on her in the mirror in front of them, keeping her own gaze fixed on the floor.

“I can’t.” It was an equally simple response, laced with a heavy implication. She looked up at the mirror, meeting his gaze. “We have reservations.” It was a flimsy excuse that seemed to get a rise out of him. 

His soft eyes hardened, “You came prepared to stay the night, it seems.” His eyes drifted to her large bag.

It was a petty thing to say and for a moment she wondered if she should lie, give him the shot of provocation that he was seeking when he said the words. But the antagonism that filled the previous night had weighed down on her. She was tired.

"My original plan was to go for dinner and crash at Yuta's. It was Hyuck who insisted on coming here.” 

Johnny hummed, the sound heavy with the words he held back, unconvinced. It made her turn to him, “I have no reason to lie to you.” The words were the simple truth and she could tell that it did the very thing she was trying to avoid.

Her eyes wandered over his face, taking in the way he was trying to hide his outrage. She wondered if it was his ego or if she wanted to delude herself into thinking he actually cared. “All this time and I still don’t understand you.” She bit the corner of her mouth, regretting the words for the argument it would spur.

“It’s not like you ever ask.” He slid closer, nose knocking against hers. His eyes looked up from her lips expectantly. 

She wondered if he wanted a question or a kiss.

Her phone rang while she debated and she told herself it was divine intervention. Except it was just her best friend.

“Ask Johnny if he wants to go for brunch with us.” Yuta skipped the greetings to land the poignant jab. Of course he already knew who she was with. There was never going to be anybody else.

“No.” She got up from the bed, gathering her things. 

Despite every ounce of sense telling her otherwise, she turned to look at him, meeting his gaze to give him a silent farewell. There was the brimming fear of this being the last time, afterall.

The thought made her still. She had to shake her head and look away.

“Meet me downstairs. Did you find Hyuck?” She asked, walking out of the room.

__

Another week passed and (Y/N) had begun the process of mourning. Taking the last two days of the work week off, she had holed herself up in the safety of her apartment for three days now. The time had been spent consuming enough sugar to remind herself that she never had a sweet tooth, before shifting to the store of sour candy that was seemingly endless. Putting the first one in her mouth made her eyes well. 

Finally, she started looking for a different job, her constantly blurring eyes making the task take much longer than intended. 

That Saturday night, she fell asleep trying to imagine how she would hand in her resignation to him. What could she even say? How would she avoid explaining to him that she couldn’t be around him. 

She simply was not as aloof as she wanted both of them to believe.

The building phone never rang. The day doorman never had to see people come to her apartment unless they were with her or he knew them as her regular guests. The one on the night shift was new. 

Her first thought was the most obvious one. It was Johnny, it had to be. But she reminded herself that she had other people in her life. It could be Yuta with some ridiculous situation that only he could have. It could be Doyoung since she had let it slip that her non-relationship with her boss was beginning to sizzle off.

“Hello?” She finally answered the phone.

“I’m sorry Miss, there’s a man here that refuses to give his name. He says you know who it is. I told him that you don’t take visitors this late.”

She huffed. That reduced her guesses to two of the three. Nonetheless, she was grateful for the man’s caution.

“I’ll be down in a moment.” She sighed.

The elevator dinged and she clenched her hands inside the pocket of her hoodie. The one that was not hers. Despite her reasonings, she of course knew who was the moment the phone rang.

Johnny stood in the lobby with his hands on his hips, a frown set deeply on his face. His hair glistened under the lights and her eyes drifted to the doors behind him. 

It was raining.

“Your new place is definitely high on safety.” He remarked, lips still downturned. "Your doorman thinks I'm a thief who'd walk through the front door." He pointed behind him, a small grunt leaving his frustrated lips.

She loved him, she realised for the millionth time. This time with a sudden jolt. Despite every rational thought begging her to do otherwise. She loved him so dearly and so hopelessly that she didn't know what to do with it at all.

Johnny looked restless, his feet tapping against the floor. She could understand and she could forgive it. That was how much she loved him.

She loved him. A sigh of relief left her, like the crashing of waves on a rocky shore after it finally met land. It was useless to pretend otherwise. She loved him and she'd let him in anytime he showed up.

He was in a suit, the rain ruining the fabric permanently. She wondered why he was in one on a Saturday at midnight.

His hands dropped to his side, “You haven’t been coming to work.” He said as the gap between them began to close with each stride. “I was preparing for the quarterly distributor meeting and Kun’s notes made no sense. He’s on a work trip too. I had to call the entire legal team into work today because all of the copyright issues seem to be funnelled through you.” 

She stopped a few metres short of being in his personal space. “I’m entitled to my leaves.”

“Then you should brief the team properly so work doesn’t stop when you aren’t around.”

He was right, she gave him a nod to affirm it as well.

“Did you get what you needed?” She asked, flexing her fists in the safety of the deep pockets of the hoodie.

“Yes. The intern, Hendery, had a decent idea. I hired him tonight.”

“Good. He’s good enough to replace me with enough training.”

Johnny’s frown went from expressing discontent to a confused one. She'd put the hint in his mind now. 

“HR said you’re sick.” Johnny mumbled after a moment of silence, shuffling.

“It’s a cold. I just needed the time off to feel better.” 

Johnny nodded, hands coming back to his hips. He kept nodding, deep in thought.

“Is that the reason you came all the way here? I was sleeping.” She finally huffed, feeling the brunt of her own indignation suddenly.

His brows knit, arm coming up so he could glance at his watch.

“Oh.” His face smoothened in one go, “I didn’t realise it was this late. I was just driving around to clear my head.” He slowly put his hand down, biting down on his bottom lip.

She finally took her own hands out of her pockets, only to cross her arms in front of her chest. She knew why he was here, but she wanted him to admit it. She needed him to confirm so she could act like she wasn't giving in without a fight. Her dignity was the one thing she wanted to walk away with.

“I’m sorry!” He finally huffed, following with a groan that came from somewhere deep inside him. She blinked, incredibly surprised. “Is that what you want me to say?” He huffed again.

The last part ticked her off, “I don’t want you to say anything. What are you sorry for? Is it for waking me up because that is fair, but it’s not the first time you’ve done it.” The words were deliberately cautious.

Johnny groaned, running a hand over his face. “You’re making this so much harder than it needs to be.”

“What are you sorry for?” She asked, raising her chin and burying her brimming hope.

He gave her a look of furious disbelief.

“For once,” He groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose like he was second guessing himself.

“What?” She asked with more anger bubbling in her words, taking two steps closer. He took notice, his own two steps closing their gap. Now they were in each other’s personal space.

“For once, can’t you give in to me?” There was a desperation that made the edge of his words blunt.

She stared at him with disbelief. "From the moment I met you I've only ever given into you."

"I'm not talking about that. I'm not talking about work, or bed. I mean your pride. Put it aside for once. Tell me you want me. Give in to me." He took just another step closer.

Remembering the place, she turned to the doorman, “You can let him in next time.” She raised her voice enough to be heard by the man. 

Her gaze softened when it came back to Johnny and she prayed to god that he couldn’t see the glisten in them. Finding a real touch too scathing to execute, she settled for hooking her finger through one of his belt loops.

"You wouldn't be here if you believed I don't."

"I'm here because I'm giving up. I'm done. I don't want a change, I want you."

The confession washed her in a flood of relief. She would love him as long as he'd let her.

"And I came down here because I'm giving in. I don't want a break. Either leave me once and for all or never say that to me again."

Johnny chewed on his bottom lip, taking in the tempest in her eyes.

“Take me upstairs.” He asked like that wasn’t exactly where she was taking him. Like it wasn’t the inevitable outcome he had in mind when he walked into the lobby. For all his claims, he knew how quick she gave into him. “You can sleep, you look so tired. I don't want anything, I just want to be here.”

“You will sleep too.” She announced, turning away to pull him towards the elevator.

Once on the elevator, a thought made her freeze, “The place is a mess.” She warned him, remembering the cave she had turned the place into in the past week. 

He gave her a cautious look, “(Y/N). Baby.” He laughed, her gut kicking up an assault at his tender tone. “Your place is always a mess.”

 She frowned, taking her hand out of his to smack his chest. 

“Hey!” She huffed.

Johnny groaned, a grin tugging at his lips after.

[iamasaddie]

Marcus

Marcus Pike x f!reader

summary: you can’t take your eyes off of a handsome stranger on your best friend’s wedding

word count: 575

a/n: yeah idk what it is, it just kinda happened on my work break so do with it what you will

masterlist

You noticed him right away. Honestly, it was hard not to. He was tall, handsome, and wore the perfect suit. His hair was messy, but in a stylish way, the one that told everyone that he didn't care about being neat and he could still take anyone from the party to his place. Even the bride.

You clearly saw him staring at you as you finished your third glass of champagne, the wedding of your best friend pulled at your lonely strings but you didn't feel that bad when the alcohol started warming up your cheeks. You had been staring at him all day long so you thought it was fair for him to do the same. Even flattering.

When did he take the tie off? You didn't see the moment he opened the top buttons of his white shirt, exposing the tiniest amount of skin there. You wetted your lips, feeling a pull in your stomach.

The bubbly in your glass was disappearing embarassingly quickly, but you couldn't find it in yourself to care. You were still participating in the staring contest with the only person who hadn't introduced himself yet. You decided that neither your reputation nor your ego would suffer if you came up to him, but you needed to finish your drink first. With one bold movement you dropped the remaining alcohol down your throat, immediately regretting your decision as there was more liquid than you could handle. It burst out of your mouth as you coughed violently, sputtering it all over your pretty and impossibly expensive dress, dark spots appearing on your shest and another one on your stomach. The man who inderectly became a reason of your embarrassment scratched his beard, lowering his head a little to hide the laugh.

"Oh, darling, I think it's enough of champagne for you," your friend - also known as the bride - took the empty glass from you and pattet you on the back. "Maybe you should switch to tequila? The portions are smaller."

You ignored her, and nodded at the mystery man who was now engaging in a lively conversation with the groom. "Who's that?"

She followed your motion and furrowed her brows a little, as she saw who you were pointing at.

"Ugh, that's Marcus. He's Davon's best friend from his last work." And then she noticed the way you bit your lip, still not taking your eyes off Marcus. Her pinch was hard and quite sobering. “No. Don’t even think about it. He’s gone through a shitty breakup, and now he’s in his fuckboy era. You don’t need that.”

“What’s wrong with a fuckboy?” Your question was rhetorical, but your speech that was a little bit slurred at the moment made your friend think that you were asking genuinely.

“Do I actually need to explain?” She grabbed your chin gently and looked you deep in the eyes.

“Maybe he fucks good. I don’t really need anything besides that.” You didn’t know if you were trying to convince her or yourself. The man really planted some kind of root in you, and you wanted him to plant something else, something more… physical.

Your friend tam’s disapprovingly, and shook her head. “No, baby, not on my watch.”

You shrugged your shoulders, and she took it for you agreeing with her, dropping the subject. Luckily for you, she didn’t see you giving Marcus your flirtiest smile as he winked at you from across the room.

[tavina-writes]

LXC would've gotten disbarred

After I kind of drifted away from the cnovel translation forum I used to be a part of, like, a decade ago, I thought to myself: my translator days are over! I will not translate stuff again! The post about if NMJ has hobbies (found here if you want to see it) was merely a blip on the radar of “not translating anything.” 

Alas, I appear to have descended into a new pit, and that is seeing things in the other translations of mdzs and going back to the Chinese to look at things, discussing with @autumnslantern and just, translating snippets of this book and then deciding to share the results. 

In this case, it’s a passage from Chapter 73, which is doing the rounds again, but I’ve most commonly seen as evidence for “LXC really wanted to say something about the treatment of the Wens but got steamrolled by NMJ’s objections” and I kind of just want to wave at the title of this post because if Chinese Novel!Xichen had been my defense lawyer, I would fire him. I would want him disbarred lol. I love him but this was not a shiny moment of Xichen getting steamrolled. 

Again, this appears like it will get long, so meta under the cut: 

The passage in question in this one, which is early on in Chapter 73: 

The fantranslation I have access to says this: 

Lan XiChen responded a moment later, “I have heard of Wen Qing’s name a few times. I do not remember her having participated in any of the Sunshot Campaign’s crimes.”

Nie MingJue, “But she’s never stopped them either.”

Lan XiChen, “Wen Qing was one of Wen RuoHan’s most trusted people. How could she have stopped them?”

Nie MingJue spoke coldly, “If she responded with only silence and not opposition when the Wen Sect was causing mayhem, it’s the same as indifference. She shouldn’t have been so disillusioned as to hope that she could be treated with respect when the Wen Sect was doing evil and be unwilling to suffer the consequences and pay the price when the Wen Sect was wiped out.”

Lan XiChen knew that because of what happened to his father, Nie MingJue abhorred Wen-dogs more than anything, especially with how intolerable he was toward evil. Lan XiChen didn’t say anything else.

One of the sect leaders spoke up, “What Sect Leader Nie said is quite right. Besides, Wen Qing is one of Wen RuoHan’s most trusted people. You’re telling me she never participated? Well I don’t buy it. Is there any Wen-dog without a single drop of blood on their hands? Maybe it’s just that we haven’t found out about it yet!”

The Chinese text that these passages correspond to is this: 

蓝曦臣沉吟道：“这位温情的大名我知晓几分，似乎没听说她参与过射日之征中任何一场凶案的。”

聂明玦道：“可她也没有阻拦过。”

蓝曦臣道：“温情是温若寒的亲信之一，如何能阻拦？”

聂明玦冷冷地道：“既然在温氏作恶时只是沉默而不反对，那就等同于袖手旁观。总不能妄想只在温氏兴风作浪时享受优待，温氏覆灭了就不肯承担苦果付出代价。”

蓝曦臣知道，因家仇之故，对温狗聂明玦是最为痛恨，他又是完全容不得沙子的性情，便不再言语。一名家主道：“聂宗主此言正是。况且温情既然是温若寒的亲信，说她没参与过？我是不信的。温狗哪个手上不沾几条人命？也许只是没被我们发现而已！”

Which I got from this source on the internet. At some point I should invest in buying an actual physical copy of this text, but I spent my discretionary Chinese book money on a great copy of Yanxi Palace so I’ll have to wait on my physical MDZS copy. 

Anyway, what follows are a bunch of screenshots of the translation process of this section and then some cleanup and a basic summary. 

Idk about you all, but I do not call someone a pejorative equivalent of WRH’s toady/crony/trusted ally, while saying “why would she stop his horrible crimes!” and then think that my good friend would have to “turn a blind eye” if we were to let her off when I’m trying very hard to defend her against the masses but am getting steamrolled into agreeing that she probably deserved it. 

Indeed, the two things that LXC says in this scene are: “I have heard briefly of Wen Qing’s reputation, it does not appear that she personally murdered anyone…” and “she’s a crony of WRH, how would she have stopped his atrocities?” 

Now, I actually like him more after realizing this fact, because he was being mildly bitchy about this! And honestly, given that the Wen burned down his house and killed his dad and killed a bunch of Lan cultivators and broke Wangji’s leg and kidnapped Wangji and nearly killed Xichen himself and he had to flee with a bunch of their sacred texts…I’d say he’s earned the right to be bitchy about them. 

But also if I were Wen Qing depending on Zewu-jun for his excellent defense lawyering skills at my criminal trial I would want him disbarred. And also fired. 

[atopvisenyashill]

An AU for you. Aemon, father of Rhaenys, doesn't die but disappears. Jaehaerys goes ahead and disinheirits Rhaenys. Aemon comes back and isn't a happy camper. Thoughts?

It's definitely interesting. In one of my discussions of Jaehaerys and Rhaenys, it was pointed out that it seems Jaehaerys takes everyone - likely including Baelon - completely by surprise, likely on purpose. It fits with the timeline established here; Aemon and Corlys are off in Tarth so Rhaenys is alone at home and pregnant with no one to support her claim besides herself, Jocelyn, and Alysanne and Jaehaerys doesn't have to listen to any of them. Then you have Baelon who may or may not have been suffering an intense amount of grief from the loss of Aemon (and honestly, probably Alyssa as well - it's been eight years but I can't imagine spending eight years grieving and raising your kids only for your brother to die in a freak accident and suddenly you're crown prince is easy to deal with, may even bring some old grief bubbling back up). It's even possible that Baelon wanted to say no but felt he had no choice because Jaehaerys did this whole ceremony in public right as Baelon was getting back from Tarth. And of course, we don't know how Aemon was talking about Rhaenys - she's named after a conqueror, Aemon and Jocelyn never have any other children (it's not even mentioned that they had miscarriages, they just straight up stop at Rhaenys while Alyssa is popping out sons left and right), Alysanne refers to Rhaenys as the future queen. It's possible Aemon argued with Jaehaerys over Rhaenys and didn't tell Rhaenys (wanting to protect her from the fact that her grandfather is an asshole, perhaps) or that it was well known that Aemon and Jaehaerys fought over succession but the gossip was purposefully suppressed and left out of F&B by gyldayn.

What's extra interesting about this is that there's no other example of what the hell you even do in this situation in ASOIAF. Aegon II is born after Rhaenyra is named but Viserys purposefully snubs Aegon because he doesn't like his younger kids. Meanwhile Viserys II is the younger sibling of Aegon II so that doesn't disrupt anything. The closest example we have is actually a future plot point in the books aka whatever the hell is going to happen with the succession in Winterfell, because Jon, Sansa, and maybe Arya and Rickon are getting there before Bran (and even then, you don't have that added issue of, idk, Jon maliciously usurps Bran because he believes a disabled person can't rule, and also usurped like four other disabled people earlier for the same reason so we know it's a pattern of his). So what do you do when the older, former crown prince shows up not just alive and well but incredibly pissed off that his daughter was passed over?

We don't have a lot of Aemon's personality in the books, just little hints here and there. He's known to be cautious but curious. He's incredibly close to Baelon and Alyssa, seems to have been rather in love with Jocelyn. He's known to have been obedient and worked as master of laws. He claimed Caraxes when he was 17, after he's married and named crown prince officially, and he and jocelyn have their first child when he's nineteen years old and jocelyn is a whopping 20 years old (very old considering Alysanne is like 15 when she first gets pregnant and more than one Targaryen girl is like 13). He is well loved by the smallfolk, as much as Baelon the Brave is. And what works in his favor is that Jaehaerys clearly loved and adored his two oldest sons and was devastated by their loss. So when Aemon shows up again, I think it's more likely Jaehaerys is forced to take him seriously. We have the Rogar/Alyssa situation as evidence for this - Jaehaerys clearly values the opinions, input, and intelligence of men over women, even the women of his own family, even the women that support him over those men.

What I think is likely here is that

Baelon backs whatever it is Aemon wants -> I certainly have my suspicions over the type of person Baelon is, but a younger brother cannot usurp his older brother simply because he doesn't like his vibes. Maegor never manages to usurp Aenys after all; it took Aenys' death and Aegon the Uncrowned being under siege at Crakehall for Maegor to get the opportunity to acclaim himself King (and I think it's crucial here that Maegor is Visenya's first born if not Aegon's). Especially given that Aemon isn't all that old; it just seems likely Baelon will agree out of guilt and grief to what Aemon wants out of the succession.

Aemon decides to build an actual case for Rhaenys to inherit and publicly goes against his father -> We know he's cautious, curious, loves his family, and worked as master of laws rather than Hand which makes me think he had a more bookish bent than Baelon. I think this means that Aemon shows up, finds out what's happened, and goes for the formal, logistical route of building a legal case as to why Rhaenys wil remain his successor and eventually become Queen of Westeros. I think it's even likely he'll see this legal route as more respectful of his father too.

Aemon has to shore up alliances for Rhaenys/Laena/Laenor -> In canon, we know Rhaenys gets the Velaryons, the Celtigars, the Manderlys, the Dustins, the Baratheons, and the Starks on her side. If he can get to Matthos Tyrell and Grover Tully, not only can he cancel out the Peakes being shitty in the Reach, he can completely claim the Riverlands, and all he needs to do is stall a few more years so Jeyne Arryn becomes Lady of the Vale and then he's got her on lock too. I think he's got way more of a chance of gaining support than Corlys and Rhaenys do on their own.

The Second Quarrel Gets Ten Times More Quarrelsome -> Listen, all Alysanne ever does is just fuck off to Dragonstone, she never actually attempts to fight Jaehaerys over anything. But if Aemon comes back and goes "mom was right what the fuck is your problem", well well well suddenly Alysanne has a son with actual political power (unlike Aly, whose ruling power was completely stolen from her by Jaehaerys prior to this). Maybe Aemon decides to publicly break from his father for real and sets up shop at Dragonstone or maybe he calls Alysanne back to KL so she can be a menace in front of Jaehaerys' face, but either way, Jaehaerys can't just send Maegelle to gaslight Alysanne into coming home this time because Alysanne has someone who matters (a man) on her side.

Daemon Starts Acting Like Daemon -> I think he starts going off the shits earlier because now it's his own father attempting to push him further down in the succession by handing over the crown to Aemon and Rhaenys. We know Viserys and Daemon idolized their parents but I think his entire character shows us that just because he loves someone doesn't mean he's above throwing a violent temper tantrum.

Viserys might not marry Aemma -> PERSONALLY, if I'm Aemon and I come back home and Jaehaerys has named Baelon crown prince, which makes Viserys second in line, and then Viserys is trying to marry a Targaryen-Great House daughter, I would stop that shit so fast it would give Caraxes motion sickness. And I'm not talking like some Viserra esque "last ditch effort" I'm talking I'm picking fights with every tom dick and stanley that refers to Aemma as Viserys' betrothed, I'm calling in every favor I have to stop this wedding, I'm threatening Rodrik Arryn's sons that if they hand Aemma over I'll use Caraxes to burn the Vale fleet to the fucking ground. If he doesn't straight up start a minor war over this match, he's an even bigger idiot than his mother AND ALL THREE VISERYS KINGS COMBINED.

I will admit given my general "fuck this dude i wish maegor had barbecued him" stance on jaehaerys, i would not call myself The Jaehaerys Understander so I'm kind of...unsure of how he would react? The thing about Jaehaerys is that the only people who push back on his flaws are women (Rhaena, Alyssa V., Saera, Alysanne) and not only does he not have to listen to them because he's king, he can also punish them by completely stealing away any power they have so that he never has to even hear them bitch at him again (and that's exactly what he does by refusing to give Rhaena a home of her own and usurping her, by refusing to apologize to his mother and then forcing her to reconcile with a man who is going to murder her with his dick, making a circus out of traumatizing and sexually humiliating Saera, and then continuously abusing and gaslighting Alysanne throughout the entirety of their marriage btwww!!!!). Jaehaerys can't just disinherit a living Aemon the way he can Saera or banish Aemon to be the castellan of some old haunted castle the way he does Rhaena; he simply has to engage with this issue.

And the thing is - if he figures it's more of a headache to fight publicly with Aemon than just reinstate Aemon as Crown Prince (or, idk make Aemon Baelon's heir so that the line of succession reverts back to Aemon?? idk how this shit works i don't care about the uber rich and their fake rules), what is this man supposed to do when he dies and Aemon goes "anyway Rhaenys is crown princess of dragonstone, i'm king now, suck my dick viserys you shitty ass nephew" whomst is gonna stop him, really, short of starting the dance a few decades earlier?

[good7luck]

Adding more to my post about Noe in VNC manga latest chapter 61.5

(more under the cut)

.

First, thanks to all the people in my previous post! I didn't expect to get more than just a few notes, I feel honored ;w;

.

I considered re-writing the entire post at that time, but I think I'll just leave it as it is and make this additional post instead :P

I must say, this - especially the latter part - would be more subjective and controversial, probably? ^^;; maybe even unnecessary. I know it's just my personal imperfect view from my limited experiences for now, in the end.

.

In VNC so far (~ch 61.5), the Dham (racism) matter was (almost) brought up a few times:

1)

Noe got to hear about Dham for the first time here. But he couldn't get to learn more and deeper, because the kidnapping incidents were so urgent and dangerous. I suppose, Noe could've asked "Why would the kidnappers let go of you just because you're a dham?"...but it'd be very inappropriate and rude, as if Johann should've gotten kidnapped lol?

A LOT of things happened in this arc, especially in regards to Vanitas, so maybe Noe couldn't think of getting to know more about Dham specifically. (Or, more like, MJ-sensei thought it's not time to go further with Dham yet XD)

2)

This is just a moment, but it shows some glimpse of how tough to live as a dham and how Johann (truly) feels. And...Noe was NOT here, and it's unlikely that Vani bothered to tell him about this.

3)

This is probably the closest one where the word Dham was used like a slur (on thin ice) by Vani. And, again, Noe was NOT here, and honestly there's no way Vani has ever talked about this to him.

4) Not animated (which is a big shame, indeed), but in ch 40, Dante remembers when he got bullied for being a dham and when he first met Vani who hates all races equally. Only Johann was around him, and I'm sure Noe couldn't (properly) hear Dante far away: he was with Vani and JJ to find the Book and save Chloe, who started to completely lose herself and destroy things.

(sorry if I missed some ^^;)

My point is - Noe really didn't have a chance to learn about Dham and the discrimination properly. He even never witnessed one himself. Besides,

the Dhams never looked like they're suffering from Orlok or in his office to Noe.

So, I think it's very understandable that Noe in the latest chapter couldn't even guess that such a horrible and systematic oppression has been happening to the Dhams then and now. It's all news to him, literally. Of course he hasn't noticed it yet that his words and actions aren't being (practically) helpful for the Dhams, much less he's making Dante angry for real.

That's why I feel it's quite unfair to (seriously) blame Noe for his (innocent) ignorance and the (gonna-be-unfortunate) outcome. It'd be rather unrealistic and OP, if Noe manages to immediately comprehend everything "right" and take "right" actions on his own lol

.

.

To be more personal and controversial...

I know it might be merely that some people hate / mock Noe and try to make anything he does (not) a problem / joke "just for fun", but...

Some seem to genuinely believe Dante should kick Noe or such, and idk, I must ask - what did they expect from Noe there, exactly? What do they think Noe had to do in that situation "instead", then? Is there a "good" "solution", even?

It's been only a few weeks (or months) since Noe arrived in Paris, and he's still almost a stranger in regards to the Dham matter. It's even not that he came to study Dham. Noe didn't even jokingly agree with Manet / Nox. It's pretty clear that he simply wanted to do something to make the messy situation better (and sincerely cared about Dhams), even if he didn't understand what's going on in front of him.

Noe is one mere individual, not even officially a powerful, high noble like Domi. Count Orlok is not rude to Noe but still casual to him, while he's much more polite to Domi cuz she's "higher". It's praiseworthy that Domi realized she's also participating in the racism, but somehow it's terrible that Noe consequently called out the racism and tried to help the Dhams? Which let Domi notice her own racism?

I wonder if they wanted Noe to "just shut up and stay still", but tbh..I feel...even if Noe actually didn't do anything there, they would've still easily accused him for doing nothing but "heartlessly" watching the racism (and so siding with the oppressors and so being a racist), with "silence / neutrality = consent / approval !!!", perhaps lol?

.

To be very honest - I admit it's still quite hard for me to fully understand why Dante is THAT angry at Noe, even after reading some fandom posts / comments.

Like, I get it, Noe is probably making the situation worse for the Dhams (which is utter tragic), or he sounded too un-serious to him. Dante sure didn't expect to see Vani there, much less suddenly hear some burdensome demand about Machina he hates, the whole Dham "lecture" (why and how they've been discriminated for years), and all the various / explicit insults to him and his family. I sincerely feel so sorry for him and Dhams. I really do.

But like...honestly and strictly speaking...Dante chose to get mad at Noe of all people there, NOT at the obvious oppressors (Manet, Nox, and Count Orlok), even in front of the very oppressors. As if Noe was clearly "worse" than them. This happened basically because Dante thought it's "okay" to throw his anger on Noe, unlike on the real oppressors.

"OMG of course Dante cannot lash out at them, he and Dhams will get only harmed worse by them later!" Yeah, while "nothing bad" will ever happen, even if Dante pours his rage on Noe "instead". Noe is "kind", "not oppressed", and "not socially high enough", so Dante should feel free to use him as a punching bag, "right"? Sorry to be "cruel", but...would Dante have been able to do the same (or unable to hold himself back), if it were not Noe but Luca or Antoine?

I mean, I genuinely cannot fathom why some people try to demonize Noe and "cheer" Dante that much (to "call out" Noe and/or get violent to him, idek), as if Dante is about to perform an act of "justice" towards Noe. Especially when the actual oppressors are right there without feeling any guilty or threatened lol? :/ I'm aware one cannot always rationally think and do perfect, but seriously...it's NOT a good look (for Dante) in any way? Do they "prioritize" seeing Noe get bullied thaaaaat much lmao? ://

It's also "funny" that I've (at least personally) never seen any criticism towards Vani about this. He's the one who forcedly and carelessly brought Machina and Dham stuff in front of the (aggressive) oppressors, even if he understands pretty much everything. He also should've seen what could come, especially when he himself openly gets discriminated by them as well for being a human and the kin of the Blue Moon.

Vani gave Noe all the explanations he needed, sure, but he wasn't polite in general (as always, I know). It also implies Vani never told any of his plans to Noe beforehand again. He blamed Domi for Noe's ignorance, but he didn't provide enough info to him, either lol Vani didn't particularly discriminate Dante or Dhams, but honestly he (and Domi, too) didn't try to stop the racism in the office, either - actively or indirectly, in any form.

I obviously don't mean Vani / Domi is to blame for the racism, much less worse than Count Orlok, Nox, and Manet. I'm glad the fandom rightfully got disappointed in the Orlok trio, calling the bigots out! Still, I don't get why some are overly harsh on Noe and only him lol Did he do THAT wrong and worse? Apparently, maaaaaybe he should've just "quietly" accepted and "wisely" gone with the racism, like Vani / Domi (low-key) did, not "wasting" his energy and kindness only to get hates lmao? ://

.

I think Vani should've been more patient and just made a private future appointment with Dante to ask for the Machina matter later, for example. But I guess this might be OOC lol

I feel it would've been great if Domi calmed down the people in the office, using her social status (ex. clapping and calling their attention to return to the subject - which should've been Orlok's job...).

I believe I would've taken it better if Dante simply tried to quickly silence Noe (to not make things worse) and/or talk to him (even get angry at him! though preferably not XP) in private later.

Of course, none of this would've mattered, if only the Orlok trio wasn't racists / the racism didn't exist in the first place...

.

Thank you for patiently reading my long and incoherent opinions!! Sorry if I was being too dramatic or such OTL

[frequent-demisexual-distress]

Leech twins x Small Shark!reader drabble

Disclaimer: I have literally no experience really writing fanfic and am a shameless fan of being adored by two maniacs at once, and have a sickening case of twst brainrot, and also this was written in one sitting with no proof-reading, so give me a break

I just love the idea of there being a merfolk person who is a small breed of shark who just looks adorable but then can totes murder if necessary

Also maybe minor TW? Uncomfortable situation with a pushy jerk, but very brief and he gets his comeuppance so idk

He zips past you, laughing maniacally and frightening a group of underclassmen - “I’m in the mood to play,” he cackles, “I need someone to squeeze!”; you could just picture them as a school of anchovy, and he, of course, a hungry eel. They of course scatter, and for once, this was enough to satiate him. Usually Floyd’s appetite for entertainment would push him to grab one of the little fish up by their collar and give them a show of his pointed smile - his capability to swallow them up, if he had a mind to; however, the two people he cared for most were following not far behind, and his cute little partner would be somewhat dejected if he did this in their presence (even though his brother would only chuckle and observe). 

Jade, amused as usual by the suffering of the populace - but having the good manners not to laugh out loud - simply widened his almost ever-present smile slightly, eyes narrowing slightly as he walked close beside you. His gaze darted subtly after the fleeing freshmen - you could almost forget that the twins were predators, being so close to them an having inexplicably earned their favor, but in moments like these, it was a stern reminder of their nature. Of your nature. 

You purse your lips in a pout and raise an accusatory finger to wave at Floyd, not a hint of weight behind your expression when he circled back and looked down at you (both twins being quite a bit taller than you in their human forms). “Fish are friends, Floyd - not food!” You chastise, expression slightly shifting to one of exasperated pleading. “You promised me you’d try not to scare off all the new students before I could welcome them - it was Azul’s one job for me!”

“Aw, don’t be mad, Y/N~!” Floyd laughed, moving to your side and sliding an arm around your middle - he always had to hold onto you, someway or another. When he held you like this, it was both comforting and lighthearted; he knew your weakness for their affection. Grinning and nuzzling his head against yours, he adds on, “You can still welcome them, when they get done changing their pants~” Ah, that laugh again - endearing as it was, it lost him sympathy.

“I’m serious, Floyd - I don’t want them to be afraid of you; I want them to enjoy your company as much as I do! We’re their seniors, after all,” You say, crossing your arms over your chest and doing your best (only half-succeeding) to give a convincing pout.

Jade took one of your hands, pulling it close to his chest, and stroked your knuckles soothingly, speaking up with his signature, almost saccharine, tone, “Now, now, dear - you recall that all of the new initiates to Octavinelle have been directed to be waiting in the lounge for first-year orientation. These stragglers are merely in need of herding, and who better than us to provide? If we can’t do that, then what is our purpose?”

You hum, then nod, sighing softly and pulling his hand to your mouth for a chaste kiss (taking him by slight surprise, to your satisfaction).  As much as you knew he was simply excusing his brother’s actions, and his association by complicit observation, you also saw the logic - and you could never stay mad at your boys. They both knew your soft spots (it’s them - they’re the soft spots) and you honestly didn’t mind it so much, as long as they didn’t actually hurt anyone. Besides, you didn’t have much room to talk, based on how the three of you came to be in this strange but dearly treasured relationship.

You recall your first days in Octavinelle - at NRC in general, really. You, while lovely, were also still finding yourself. You didn’t see the beauty in yourself that your boys did, and this was even worse before they came to be a part of your life. 

You were a young merfolk, plucked straight from your home and dropped into a an entirely different world. Now, you expected things to be exactly the same as back home. You thought you’d be given your space, respected for your capability, and ultimately left alone. However, your human form was, evidently, very desirable to the students of NRC; you were approached far too frequently for your liking, and no matter how you denied and how you tried to politely decline, one admirer in particular wouldn’t take the hint. 

He had cornered you in the hallway after a class you shared as the rest of the class filtered out. He blathered on for the thousandth time this week about how you would be foolish not to take him up on his offer, how he’d be the best partner (eventual husband) you’d be able to find. This was enough to justify hurting him, frankly, but you composed yourself to the best of your ability.  Hands clenched, nails digging dangerously into your own skin, lips pulled tight to avoid scowling outright, you spoke quietly and matter-of-factly, telling him that you were not interested. That’s when he put a hand on your shoulder and    steeped in closer - and that’s when you momentarily saw red. According to Floyd, whom (alongside Jade and Azul, of course) was passing through, just about to interfere himself, you were magnificent - baring your teeth, sharper than even theirs and with a smaller row behind them; eyes narrowing to a near slit; and effortless strength on display, despite your smaller frame, when you brought the fool to his knees by your sheer grip on his wrist.

Jade says they restrained you gently until you regained yourself, which didn’t take long once the fool was actually gone, although for you the memory is fuzzy, and then together reported the student to the headmaster’s office. That was the day Azul recruited you to Octavinelle (despite your original placement in Savanaclaw), your unofficial position being right alongside Jade and Floyd as an enforcer - able to persuade in a somewhat more genuine manner than Jade, and able to intimidate in a slightly more off-putting way than Floyd, making you invaluable to their work.

You agreed to join in because, firstly and more superficially, you appreciated their keeping you from doing something you’d regret; but secondly, and more authentically, you appreciated being given the power to utilize your unique position in the ecosystem, without having to fall into a stereotype or pretend to be someone you aren’t. And, of course, having beautiful twin eels (who appreciated even your more feral side) as your coworkers (and eventual partners) didn’t hurt as a sign-on bonus.

As you worked with them, you came to care for both deeply, and even Azul, though you saw him more as a baby-man who needed to be protected at all costs, despite his ‘cool’, ‘business-man’ front. The twins, though, they had your eye in a more prospective way - call it your instincts, but between them both being fellow predators, both being hilarious and charming in their own distinct ways, and being aware of what you could do if provoked and accepting you anyway.  You always loved that, regardless of how you’d met, the boys had always treated you with respect, but also a sort of teasing condescendency. Back home, you were either avoided, sucked up to, or ridiculed maliciously by bigger predators. The twins, though, were arguably right on your level, if not somewhat lower on the food chain; this made things level from the get-go, and their teasing made you feel like one of them - no longer did you have to feel ostracized in one way or another. They gave you a sense of home, with their very presence, that you’d never felt anywhere or with anyone else before. 

For Jade, seeing someone who, during their first week, had been so composed, if awkward, handle themselves the way you did was what caught his interest. He thought you amusing, if nothing else - but that amusement soon melted into full-on adoration. You were kind to him without being put-off by his attempts to intimidate you; you made him laugh, and you never bad-mouthed his brother. As if that wasn’t enough, when he looked in your eyes, he felt he could stay forever - your beauty, you proved, was far more than skin-deep. For him, that was enough to be hooked. As much as he hated allowing others to hold the cards for him, he slowly began to allow you to matter to him. And you respected that, and you treated him with the consideration and care that he deserved, and he could no longer lie to himself about just how deeply you’d come to place yourself in his heart. For Floyd, you were of course attractive in appearance, and so that initially caught his interest; he wondered if you were really boring, though, as you made such little trouble in your first week; however, upon seeing you in full attack mode, seeing what you reduced that insignificant man-child to in mere moments - that was when he knew you were going to be fun! And, on getting to spend more time with you, despite your reluctance to intimidate others on purpose (afraid of losing control entirely), he came to find that your ability to still be soft and kind to him - never flinching when he’d squeeze you, never running from his snarls, never giving up on him when he’d fall into one of his depressive episodes - while having that power underneath the surface; that made you someone he couldn’t be without.

Now, the twins aren’t blind to the needs of the other, and of course they’d immediately recognize that they shared these feelings for you - luckily, they were used to sharing. And, frankly, you doubted that, even had you only been with one of them, they would be able to watch their sibling hurt in that way - just as you wouldn’t. So, when the two approached you with a proposition, you accepted. You would be both of their partner, and you would spend time with them equally, and you would be loved by two wonderful men.

Fast forward to the present, as you’re holding Jade’s hand and being clung to by Floyd, standing before the newest iteration of the Mostro staff, and you flash a wide, sharp smile - even though the little fish were visibly shaken, you (and your boys) were more than content.

[co27]

9 people you'd like to know better

tagged by: @funshinebf woah!! hey!! hi!! :3

a) three ships:

DELLUMBRA. my beloveds forever and ever and ever. an animator put della and penumbra holding hands in the chibi valentines day thing and its the only thing that matters for the rest of time. seeing them never fails to make me the happy smiler

spova... HRHGHGHHGHGHHHHH (STARTS CLAWING AT THE WALLS) im getting a bunch of my irls to watch the show with me and like how do i explain why sparx catching nova in circus of ooze makes me actually start howling in pain. the slow burn... the trust... the botched confessions the loss the self blame. oh god its all just so fucking painful forever ill never be over them

tomshiv :) theyre the perfect eternal punishment for each other and i love seeing them make each other suffer. the dirty talk scene in season 3 permanently altered my brain chemistry and tom wambsgans mr brightside is the greatest video of our generation

a1: bonus ships:

SERIREI :) save me serirei... serirei save me... such a classic i love those crazy businessmen. 2018 serirei was literally the perfect era like you had to be there

joongdok. thousand yard stare. ive been coming around to yoohankim lately too but i feel like a lot of content doesnt really capture what i like about orv so i dont look at or like a lot of the shippy content in the first place

gibotto

also gibson/sparx

b) first ever ship:

...... :( it was grey/juvia from fairy tail. yandere x tsundere was like elite to me. if i close my eyes and pretend im in a universe where fairy tail is good i can honestly see the vision. the first one that made me really crazy crazy about shipping though was germany and italy from hetalia unfortunately. sorry. and sometimes i fear i may never escape the annoyingly optimistic x grump who secretly likes it trope and its all their fucking fault

c) last song:

hello, i love you by adore delano. SHE JUST GETS ME

d) last movie:

uuhhhh fuck i watch a lot of movies absolutely baked with my friends so its hard to remember. i think everything everywhere all at once :) i sincerely believe it is one of the best movies ever made. STEPHANIE HSU WAS ROBBED AT THE OSCARS

e) currently reading:

cirice by madeline miller, i havent picked it up in months tho... and i keep telling myself im going to start one piece and dungeon meshi but i havent yet #laziness

f) currently watching:

sooo many things but im currently keeping up with season 16 of drag race with my friend. besides that primarily trigun stampede and hannibal because im watching those with my friends. and i count srmthfg again. but also dungeon meshi is on the backburner too. and a million other things like the boys and interview with the vampire... GOD THERES TOO MANY SHOWS GUYS

g) currently consuming:

idk waht this means. if its about eating then i have a big tub of cocktail peanuts that im munching on right now

h) currently craving:

DAVES HOT CHICKEN. SAVE ME DAVES HOT CHICKEN

9 people to tag:

um uh um uhhh @godza @morguerue @irradiatedsnakes @faglagomorph @treecakes @itaots @soulreaper @puppetlooselystrung @vampirewings and also anyone else who wants to talk about themselves yay!!! i hope its okay i tagged you heart emoji <3

easily copyable version under the cut for joy and prosperity yay

9 people you'd like to know better

tagged by:

a) three ships:

a1: bonus ships:

b) first ever ship:

c) last song:

d) last movie:

e) currently reading:

f) currently watching:

g) currently consuming:

h) currently craving:

9 people to tag:

[jacksoldsideblog]

Not an ask but some ideas for fem Tyler:

She would never buy woman’s clothes. (Well she might in some second hand store). Cus that’s just a fucking scam- like they make them more expensive and from different materials to make them last less time. It’s just ridiculous really. Also I think she would make her own clothes from whatever shit she found (Idk just a thought). No bras!

Honestly she could just shoplift but that s up to you.

Spends half of her time making jokes on men’s fragile ego and toxic masculinity. And their need for having a sense of control and feeling of superiority is the reason why they try to shame women into fitting the “society expectations” (don’t know how it’s called in English).

Besides that I don’t think she would be that different from the cannon Tyler.

And as for Narrator then I think she would have this lanky (?) body type/posture I have no idea how to explain this but me and my other insomnia suffering friends have/had this weird skinny body type with little tummy because we don’t move much. But it would be before fight club.

I want her to complain about her back pain (just a me thing)

She would wear those cozy (little boring) sweaters.

I feel like Narrator would be the only boxers and too big sweaters type and Tyler the only pants and or boxers type idk

No need to answer this - it’s just my thoughts - anyways do what you want with it

You're right you're right!

I think Tyler would thrift her clothes. Men's clothes are easier to pick out (more accurate sizing, especially pants), made of more resilient materials, more functional. Why wouldn't she? The only potential complication is sometimes they're too big, but Paper Street has this old beat up sewing machine and Tyler(/the Narrator), like plenty of women growing up in the 70s and 80s, had to take a home skills course. She can damn well use a sewing machine, make clothes fit her well enough. And don't get me wrong, I think she would still wear goofy things like male Tyler. It's just, she's very function first. Homemade jorts, leather jacket, neon crocs because she decided to go fishing in the half dead creek down the road, kind of thing.

I think it'd be less that she jokes about male ego and more that she just speaks on it like it's casually accepted fact like the grass being green and the sky being blue. Like, sure everything she says could be proven with a study and already has been probably. But she doesn't really care about that. Someone in fight club mentions having an abusive husband who was a police officer and she just goes "Well yeah, policemen are four times more likely to beat their wives. It makes sense since it's not like their buddies will convict them." As if that's a casual thought and connection everyone has made and remembered in their lives. Martin complains about how most men who want to fuck him also want to degrade him and Tyler just says that's because men consider the things they fuck to be objects not people, so degradation and penetrative sex go hand in hand.

She says this like someone talked about it being rainy and she's saying there was clouds out earlier.

Wrt the narrator's body, yeah totally. I've been there too. When you're a bit underfed because you can't muster up the energy to eat or feel hunger and you have no muscle because all you do is try to sleep or sit in an office chair. Moving in with Tyler is like getting a personal trainer because Tyler takes personal offense to women not eating properly. She WILL orate on how society teaches women to have a dysfunctional relationship with food as a method to control them. Sells them the lie that they can exert control in their life by starving themselves so they don't realize they can control it by rejecting beauty and castrating men. Sells them the lie that not feeling hunger properly is a mild problem you can ignore.

Back pain from muscle weakness due to overall lack of muscle tone would be a thing yeah. The narrator would be at her healthiest in that absolute health hazard of a house.

Yeah I do think the narrator would pretty quickly jump on the "just walking around without pants on" train, was sort of always on it in private at least. Wears sweaters or something to deal with the drafts in the place. Tyler does the opposite, wears pants sometimes. Rarely shirts. Believes all women need to normalize their body to themselves not as something to look at but the thing they are, not what they inhabit. Pesters the narrator into doing random household construction projects while wearing the minimum amount of protective gear and clothing required.

[mikuni14]

PitBabe - Ep 9

I feel deceived and tricked by this series from the very beginning, from the first trailer lol And I have no idea if this is an intentional effect or it just happened by accident 😄 These are, of course, just my feelings.

I mean, even the promotion of this series suggested something completely different than what is in the series. The CharlieBabe relationship dynamic is COMPLETELY not my style and if I had known about it beforehand, I would never have even started this show.

The series also decided to hire Nut, of all the actors 😍, who made one of the main antagonists of the series one of the most interesting and compelling characters. In addition, they developed this character in such a way that he make me feel sympathetic about him, that is, his love was obvious from the beginning and narratively more interesting and poignant. And then they decided that this character, played in such a perfect way, commits a very realistic, horrific SA. You know, after the entire series when we watched how Way is obsessively in love and completely unable to cope with the fact that Babe is actually slipping away for the first time in his life. So many people, me included, liked Way, or at least found him very interesting. Even those who hated him still talked about him, because he's just such a good character. And then this happened. And people still talk about him and condmen him but like... it's different? So I wonder, is this an intentional effect? To make Way like this? I don't know, but it's VERY interesting. The funniest thing is that the scene of the breakdown of the Way/Babe relationship had so much more emotion and despair than any previous scene of Charlie and Babe fighting, not to mention Babe's heartbreaking scene of literal mourning over the loss of Way's friendship. Babe also grieves more now than after any Charlie's "betrayal". Again: is this the intended effect? 🤷‍♀️

For me, Way, when I look at him objectively, is the worst. This is the type of guy who loves someone, suffers, but does nothing to win the loved one, and his method so far has been to isolate his beloved, I fucking hate such incel types. But the series wrote this role so well and hired such a great actor that, to my horror, after this terrible scene (which was VERY GOOD btw, the horror was not in violence but in how quiet and still it all was and in Babe's face), besides the obvious thoughts in my head: "there is no fucking excuse for what he did", there was also the whole essay "why did Way do it, what led to this scene." There is no excuse for SA, ever. PERIOD. And at the same time, I know perfectly well where it all came from. Again: was this an intended effect? To understand Way? Idk, it's just all crazy, I feel wierdly manipulated, don't ask me why 🤡

How did it happen, when did it happen, that Way and Kenta and their pathetic way of dealing with their trauma and abuse, with their PsychoDad is the most interesting aspect of this series for me? I won't lie when I say that the whole situation with the Father (also a very charismatic character), dependence on him and the toxic relationship between him and Way and Kenta are the most interesting for me and honestly at the moment, I'm watching this series just for that 🤡

(in terms of romance, this series is also wild territory for me, I've already shipped Way with Babe, Way with Pete, Pete with Kenta, Kenta with Kim, Kenta with Way, Babe with Kim and even Winner with Kim - yeah I know 😩 and even, hehe, some forbidden ships appeared in my head that I won't mention here 🤭)

Of course, the series will give Way a chance to atone for what he did, and probably even Babe will forgive him. I mean, I would never forgive anyone for doing something like this, I can't imagine anyone sane doing it, but I predict that Way will "help" a noble cause to save children, redeem his sins, reconcile with Babe, get together with Pete and everything will end well 🤷‍♀️

I also would like to mention, that as an Omegaverse enjoyer, every time the word "mama" comes up in Charlie's conversations with Babe, I want to 🤮

Cherry Magic is the most adorable, sweetest series I'm watching right now. The Sign is the best, most interesting series I'm watching right now. Twins is the most frustrating series I'm watching right now. And PitBabe is the weirdest series I'm watching right now 😆 In the sense that everything in it is turned upside down for me and I have the strangest reactions after every episode. My emotions and reactions are all over the place. I couldn't care less about the main couple if I tried. And villains, morally gray characters, are somehow the most interesting and evoke some weirdest emotions and response in me. Idk, it's just crazy 🤡👻

[unsightedjoker]

Spider-man: ATSV NSR AU

Ok, I usually don’t post stuff and only reblog and like stuff but since i just watched Spider-man ATSV and I really liked it that it hasn’t left my mind and won’t leave it any time soon I’m still so hyped I feel like sharing this. I was on my way home when I started to listen to the NSR soundtrack and the inevitable happened just remembering the premise for the game and what happens in the movie I started connecting thoughts and this entire AU happened.

My writing isn’t the best to make a fanfic that does justice to my ideas at the moment and hell if I can’t write I have even worse at drawing so making fanart for this is also out of the picture.

For anyone who doesn’t know NSR (No Straight Roads) it’s an indie game from 2020 that’s very underrated from what I’ve seen. The plot is very simple a Rock duo Mayday (a guitarist) and Zuke (a drummer) enter a competition made to scout for new talents that want to join NSR, a company that besides functioning as a music company works as the main energy supplier for the city by using a Mcguffin that transforms music into energy. Anyways NSR turns out to be a group of EDM artists that have complete control over the city and never allow any other genres to join especially not rock, so after getting rejected and suffering a city wide power outage (which NSR is completely inmune from) our rock duo decides to start a revolution to bring back Rock and take down NSR by hijacking their concerts. If you have not played it take this as a recommendation the art style, gameplay and music are reaaaally good (worth mentioning the music for each boss is dynamic it starts as EDM but as you start having the upper hand the music turns into a rock version of the same song).

The premise for the game and having Gwen and Hobie right there in the movie made this AU inevitable in my mind so I’m sharing it here.

So the characters I’ll be using changing for the AU will be the two main protagonists and the 6 main bosses of the game.

First off the protagonists

Because it’s a guitarist and drummer Gwen and Hobie take Mayday and Zuke’s place that one seems a bit obvious to me. It can also be Gwen and Miles but I ended up choosing Gwen and Hobie. However instead of starting their movement after being rejected by NSR they’re fully into their revolution agenda and hijacking the EDM concerts

DJSS

The first boss is Dj Subatomic Supernova and honestly that one was also an easy pick as he directly fits with Spot, especially because of his last phase in his fight where his face breaks and it looks like a black hole ejecting black matter or whatever. They’re both also so self-centered and silly.

SAYU

Sayu is the second boss and consists of a virtual idol (like Hatsune Miku) made as a project by four adolescents so for the au she could be made by peni parker and the virtual reality spiderwoman (i can’t remember her name :’) ) but idk who else could be put as one of Sayu’s creators in this AU.

YINU

Yinu is a child pianist prodigy so for her I’d go with Mayday Parker, since Yinu also gets help from her mother during the fight I guess Mary Jane helps her or maybe Peter B. idk? It’s just that Yinu’s dad in the game is dead and that’s also one of the reasons she plays her piano because her dad taught her. Yinu’s character is supposed to represent the lack of control child prodigies have in their lives because their parents or guardians are in charge of making all the decisions during their youth so I imagine Hobie would spend a bunch of this confrontation telling her to go wild and start doing whatever she wants to do while Gwen would tell Peter or Mary Jane to pay more attention to Mayday and be a better single parent, culminating in the piano solo at the end of Yinu’s boss fight

1010

So this one’s a bit weird but hear me out. 1010 consists of a boy band made up by 5 robots that are almost identical with the exception of their color and hairstyle so in this case it’s five alternate versions of Miles Morales robots as a boyband while the original Miles (the one that isn’t a robot) is Neon J (the creator of 1010) in this AU. I ended up choosing Miles for this one because despite how much Mayday says she despises them she has a crush on 1010 and while Gwen and Miles wouldn’t really act like Mayday and 1010 respectively I still chose this because of that.

In a similar way Gwen has a crush on 1010Miles but she isn’t entirely into it because the Miles robots have an artificial vibe to them like prefabricated charm and personalities, they can fool a lot of people but not everyone. Once one breaks and the real Miles comes out to replace it they start focusing on him, Gwen and Miles throughout the fight start to realize they like each other mean while Hobie goesout of his way to show how he’s in the wrong as he should question the stuff they do and shouldn’t be following NSR, by the end when they defeat Miles he ends up accepting it and actually rooting for them to beat the remaining members.

I’m using an action figure as a substitute for robots lol

EvE

This one I reserved for my favorites Nadia (EvE) and Pavitr. Eve happens to be an eccentric artist and Diva that is the second in command because of her skill. There’s a couple of reasons I chose to have Pavitr in Eve’s place:

First, during the briefing before her fight it’s stated that the “instrument” she uses to make her music is her body and mind in contrast to all the previous artists which have actual specific instruments (from sinthesizers to a piano) which doesn’t explain much until you get to her fight and see her dance, she dances (and probably uses a bit of magic as well or something) to make her music. If I’m gonna give the ability to make music through the movement of their body to anyone it’s gonna be Pavitr.

Second, during her phases Eve shows she can warp the space around her in what she refers as the Diva’s realm and from what I remember the part of diva’s realm is supposed to be a reference to Deva’s realm and Devas are deities from hinduism if I’m not mistaken, so there’s also that.

Last but not least I like a bit of angst. In the game its shown Zuke and Eve used to have a good relationship as they were a duo and know each other closely to the point Zuke knows what’s going on in her mind while many don’t, however after a certain incident they disbanded. Similarly in this AU they used to be a duo until they received an invitation to join NSR, Pavitr wanted to share his music and art and be in contact with everyone in their community so he accepted, this however was a deal breaker for Hobie so they disbanded. Once he got his position Pavitr could share his music however after being put in a pedestal he no longer could keep in touch with his community as much when he wanted leaving him feeling isolated and only focuses on his craft now as a way to cope. Their fight besides being about taking him down would have the purpose of mending Hobie and Pavitr’s relationship.

TATIANA

This one was also very obvious Miguel takes Tatiana’s place. To begin they’re the respective leaders of their antagonistic faction but also majorly because the entire story of NSR and ATSV happens because both of them had a very specific personal problem and instead of dealing with it by themselves or getting help to solve it they decided to make it everyone else’s problem and never even try to recognize that maybe they’re wrong.

And that’s it that’s all I have in my mind

[caitie-likes-talking]

Part 4 Critique: Everything I'd Change

I love DIU..however, I consider it one of the post flawed of the JJBA Parts. Honestly, I feel like Araki didn't fully know where he was going with it til halfway, which is why the plot can be so janky. No matter what, let's dive into it. First, characters.

(also quick disclaimer: this is all my opinion and i am biased for MANY things.)

if u diagree w me dont tell me i think it would crush me

Characters [Josuke, Jotaro, Okuyasu, Kira]

Josuke Higashikata

I LOVE Josuke. I think he's a lovely character concept and his design is really cool. My main problem with him is literally his LACK of screen time!! He is the Jojo of this part, yet his spotlight is constantly stolen by other side characters like Koichi, Rohan, and even Jotaro. This also happened a lot in Part 3, with it basically being the Polnareff show (idk why Araki did this sm in pts3-5...either let the mc have screen time or don't have them be the mc!!)

I think Josuke had some of the most missed opportunities in DIU. Especially with his relationships with other characters. I think this part could've been way more interesting if it chose a solid theme, and one that I think would've made sense is commentating on death & tragedy and how that can impact personal relationships. The reason I believe this is because there's already easy set ups for this in the story. Ryohei's death, The Nijimura Brother's family, Reimi, Shigechi, and Jotaro all have that theme in place, but not enough connecting points or real arcs related to this. What was the point of killing off Ryohei (who was the only father figure Josuke had growing up) if you're not going to show how this impacted Josuke, Tomoko, and how he acts with others besides one single page? Sure, it taught him that his powers have limits and that he can't save everyone, but that was a stupid thing to teach him because Okuyasu doesn't fucking die when he should've!! Like why did we make an arc saying 'hey stands aren't magic they can't bring ppl back to life' just for EXACTLY THAT to happen??

Moving on, I also have problems with his stand. I LOVE Crazy Diamond, I think it has a super cool design and power concept, but personally I wish it's powers were more grounded and had clear limits. I feel like a lot of stands suffer from this treatment of vague power limits (ex: Golden Wind..) but my problem with CD is that there were MANY opportunities to add one! For example: we know Josuke couldn't bring back Ryohei even after using his stand on him. So that bears the question: what can CD not fix? What is the real reason it can't bring a dead person back to life? Jotaro says "No stand has the power to bring back the dead" WHY?? am i missing something? Have I forgotten when it was officially established that stands cant do that? I mean, literally in part 3 there was a stand that could reanimate corpses. So does it have to do with the soul? No matter what, I would've used this moment to establish that CD can't bring back ANY living thing. I actually wrote a short fic abt this and included the fact that he also couldn't "fix" a dead leaf. I feel like overall his stand needed more grounding.

Also, I have beef with Josuke's backstory, but I'll get into that later.

Jotaro Kujo

Ok firstly, I have MAJOR beef with his design in part 4. Mainly the fact that he's drawn extremely pale in the anime. Like..obviously he COULD be pale as he is wasian (im not trying to say all wasian ppl look the same), but he is TAN in part 3. Why did they take that away?? Pisses me off to the extreme. At least they fixed it in p5+6. Anyways..

Character wise, I really enjoy Jotaro's personality in p4. I like how he's mellowed out in comparison to p3. However, I feel like he needed a more clear role in the story. He showed up to figure out grandpappy's shit, and then took the leader role when facing Kira. Why don't I like this? Because most of the time Jotaro was just..there. I think Araki wanted him and Josuke to have a mentor/student relationship (ex: rat episode) but just didn't focus enough on them or Josuke training with his stand for this to work.

Also, the fact that it took Jotaro so fucking long to figure out who Kira is WITH the help of all those other stand users is so goofy. Like him and the gang back in '89 found Dio's ass from a goddamn microscopic fly in a photo but couldn't find Kira's identity?? Like ugh he almost redeemed himself with the button thing but then he got blown up like gosh what happened king

When it comes to stands, I forever find it stupid that Jotaro didn't work with his stand to become more powerful. Araki just had to nerf him (which is something he does with most reoccurring characters, ex: Joseph). I don't like it and it pisses me off.

With the death of Ryohei, I feel like it would've made more sense for Jotaro to somewhat open up to Josuke and be a bit more sympathetic towards him about it (or maybe he stays closed off until Josuke explodes, causing Jotaro to reveal the truth about his past.) Either way, I think the two of them could've bonded over shared grief.

Okuyasu Nijimura

I absolutely ADORE Okuyasu. I think his dynamic with Josuke is really fun to watch and his personality is just overall super enjoyable.

Stand wise I do think Araki slightly nerfed him by making him dumb as fucking rocks, but I let this slide a little more just bc he's a side character..

I honestly think Okuyasu has the best character arc out of the whole part 4 cast. I think he definitely deserved more screen time, but what we got was really solid in my opinion. His relationship with his brother was well developed and it was really interesting to see how it still affected him even after his brother's death. The way he felt a need to get revenge for his brother and still felt like he wasn't enough really hit me in the gut. I love him.

When it comes to Okuyasu's "death" I have very mixed opinions. On the one hand, ofc the goat of part 4 survived. On the other hand, I feel like him surviving goes directly against the idea we've been given since the beginning. You can't save everyone. And on the one hand, I enjoy the subverting of expectations. On the other hand, I don't like how it's still just never fully explained. I guess in JJBA as long as your soul doesn't feel like dying yet, you won't. I wish we saw Okuyasu actually speaking to his brother when he "died" however. I find him and Keicho's relationship really gut-punching and that would've been a fire scene imo.

I have more to say on him, his dad, Keicho, and the arrow, but I'll save that for when I'm talking about the plot.

Yoshikage Kira

I find Kira to be a really interesting villain. I really enjoyed every moment we got going deeper into his psychology and it's something I really wish we got to see more of. I enjoy his sleek design and he's fine asf tbh.

Im not gonna give commentary on his stand rn bc honestly i dont fully remember how that shit worked by the time he was using the arrow

Character wise I just really wish he was established as the main villain sooner. The build up and hints dropped about him were so addictive, so it's disappointing that they're only there a little before his full introduction.

The psychology of Kira is something I really liked. The way he truly believes he's never really done anything wrong and only wanting to live a peaceful life is something I wish was even more looked into. Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but from my memory, in the manga Kira's whole thing with his nails growing quicker when stressed/when his need to kill is getting too strong was only psychological. At least, I don't remember them growing the same way it's shown in the anime. I think this would've been something really interesting to deep dive into. The fact that he believes his nails grow when his need to kill is really high is really intriguing and the overall connection between hands and his killings are something I wanted to be fully developed more. I know it was kind of just a weird ass fetish but like..that's interesting!! this is interesting!!

I'll probably make an individual post to talk more abt him.

Plot

Where do I even begin. The plot of part 4 is all over the place. I loved many episodes, and I enjoyed when it leaned more into the slice of life style, but why the fuck where there like 3 seperate plots? Honestly, cut out Anjuro. His whole plot shit was annoying as hell. Didn't care for him.

Akira's entire plot pissed me off. I only like this arc because of Okuyasu. Overall I found there to be a lot of plot holes and just annoying parts. Everything til Kira was like this for me. Like get to the REAL plot please.

The arrow annoyed me. I've never wanted to rip my hair out more than when Kira's dad got a hold of it. He was SO GODDAMN ANNOYING. I like the concept of Kira using the arrow to get allies or ways to cover up his plot, but most of the stand users that came out of this were annoying and Kira's dad was insufferable in the worst way possible.

I think something I wish was more covered by the plot is the aftermath of Part 3 and Dio in general. This is something that CDDH (best jojo spinoff) covers really nicely, however. Go read it.

I also just in general think more should've been done w Okuyasu's dad, as he is a direct aftermath of Dio.

I feel like a lot of the women in Part 4 were set up to have strong, actually plot-influencing roles, but then were totally side-lined. I'm going to make a full post abt this tho.

Reimi being connected to Rohan never made sense to me. Just narratively speaking, why did you connect the main motivation for catching Kira to a side antagonist instead of the main character? This is slightly fueled by my hate for Rohan but like, c'mon! I think it would've made more sense to 1. just not include Rohan so fucking much and 2. connect Reimi to Josuke's past.

Speaking of Josuke's past, I feel like it just..needed more. Or at least, I think something needed to be done with the boy who saved him. I can appreciate the idea of it connecting to a theme of the general kindness of strangers, but you don't see that theme pop up as much in the rest of the plot. Also, I again would've connected Reimi to Josuke because WHY ISN’T SHE CONNECTED TO THE MAIN CHARACTER OH MY GOD

Overall tho I like the vibes of part 4, i really enjoyed different arcs and characters, and I just wish Araki got more time to flesh everything out and refocus on certain themes and characters.

[jams-sims]

Idk I wanted to vent a little because imma admit. Its so fuckin ironic (and painful), I made a whole ass post about Forever and instantly reailty came crashing down. I've become numb to it almost.

This is why I don't hold CCs and I mean any CC whether they do Minecraft or just game video in any high regards. I've had this outlook since the Pewdpie saying the N word and it was cemented when Mark made a video defending Pewdie saying "you guys don't know him". An I took that as your right, we don't, so none of you get the benefit of the doubt anymore. Now if anyone ever fucks up I'm not even fucking surprised. Because I already don't trust you, any of you can turn and out yourselves.

I think cryoatic was the first instant I had with a CC who was talking and messing with underage fans. An it's been down hill ever since. I get it, I get the narrative people are pushing that it was a long time ago. I get it, it's your hail mary plead. I've been there, I've been in fandom spaces for so fucking long. I've been on the people can change, and with a therapist for a mother I believe it. But that does not stop the action they took from ruining what was made. It is their punishment (the CCs). You don't get to say that shit/do that shit and think people will ignore it or that you get to be forgiven. No you will have to live with that. (The CCs). You live with that hanging over your head for the rest of your life.

An honestly I believe CC need to get the fuck off of twitter it really does not help. I'll say the same thing I did about dreams. Stop acting like your fans are your friends. Stop messaging them, stop looking to them for confirmation. Get the fuck off twitter cause it's doing something to the brain chemistry of everyone in any age group.

An I've been their for the false allegation of some YouTuber. An I'll never understand what people get from it. Besides seeing someone they vaguely had a connection with suffer. An to those people theirs a special place in hell for you. You make it so hard for people who are suffering to get their message across. The reason why people fight against victims so hard because their has been cases where the shit is a lie. Like when people tried to excuse Philza and he flat out deleted his twitter, now his wife runs what is vaguely his twitter account.

I just wish people I liked watching weren't so fucking WEIRD! WHY ARE THEY SO FUCKING WEIRD! I DONT GET IT UGH!

[hawkefaery]

Characters meetings in Blood and Ash that I'm most exciting for:

Malec and Eloana plus Valyn

I want go see the world burn honestly. I said this already but I want Eloana and Malec to have this resentful attitude where they trow beef at everything the other says. And plus Valyn because I know my man will have eloana's back against everything. Besides, I can see Malec don’t liking Valyn not because he wants Eloana back or something but I believe Malec gives vibes of being that type of man that believes his dick changes a woman’s life forever so the fact that she remarried, moved on, had a life and named someone else king??? I think he would be like “this fucking idiot who he think he is, i am a god i am so much better than he him” bla bla bla and then Valyn, as I said he is always there for eloana plus he said he believed that Malec did not deserve her love so I don’t think Valyn likes Malec either, he probably recents him for what he did to his beloved wife (honestly same valyn)

I hope we get at least a snake peak of Sera and Isbeth

this is an obvios one, I just want to see isbeth literally suffering and sera having fun

Malik and his parents

this one is going to hurt me like a bitch. It already did when Valyn seemed about to cry when he saw Malik again and Malik couldn’t even look at his father. Malik recents his parents for hiding the truth from him so there is so much tension in here. I want the pain that come with this reunion but I hope that at the end everything is happy again

Millicent and Ires

I want ires to see his daughter again and not just poppy

Jadis and Nektas

an obvious one

Ires and Malec

There is a lot to unpack between this two. I highly doubt they will be just ok with one another after everything that happened around them. I think this could be a tensed moment for resentment, blame and idk I just feel that it can’t be all perfect and harmonic between these two after every thing that happened

Malec and his parents

If a remember correctly, Nyktos and Sera knew where Malec was entombed and they actually had guards guarding the entrance yet they did not take him of his entombment do I wonder if Malec knows that or if he will find out at some point, I think this will be tense too, and again I don’t think they can just pretend nothing happened