#if i had a singular person tell me that they cared

[the-acid-pear]

Killing my dad with a rock arc

[spectrumgarden]

I know I'm shouting into the void with this one but like. Genuinely so many low support needs people dont understand what it's like having even medium support needs. Like I am entirely dependent on other people for many of my needs. I can not see a doctor without someone else scheduling the appointment, taking me there and doing a large amount of the communication for me.

If my caretaker had not been accepting of me being trans and invested hundreds of hours into psych appointments and taking me to my endocrinologist and doing all the paperwork involved with my name change and literally taking a week off work to stay with me in the hospital for surgery etc i would have just like. Never transitioned. My ability to transition was entirely dependent on a singular person and that's what a lot of other parts of my life are like as well. and that's fucking terrifying and a great way to be neglected and abused in ways that are horribly hard to get away from.

I dont drive, I dont work, I struggle to leave the house at all, I dont fucking communicate with people majority of the time. The things that are hard for you? I probably can not do them to begin with. No one in my family lives even close to a comparable life to me. None of my irl friends do. I'm incredibly isolated.

And then I go online and see people rant about how easy MSN and HSN people have it because we just get everything we need and how because people can tell we are disabled everything is so easy because none of you even manage to listen to us talk about the neglect and abuse and trauma we face/d. I see people angry at their (more) disabled siblings for getting care they need to survive instead of mad at society for creating a system where its incredibly hard for families to take care of both a higher support needs child and another child.

And I see people who live completely independent lives who work and drive and make their own doctors appointments and grocery shop and travel by themselves call themselves MSN (I could go on a rant about how that's also often the fault of LSN influencers for not leaving a lot of room in their own community for legitimate struggle but that's for another day).

I just want my needs met. I want to be able to decide where I live. I want choice in my care. I want to be able to have community with those like me. I want others to realize I exist and leave the words i have to describe my existence alone. I want others to listen to what I have to say about what my life is like.

[inkskinned]

my father told me he read it, but he hasn't read it. that's okay. my friends keep picking the words out of my throat.

someone once told me that the more trigger warnings that go on a book, the better it is. i didn't mean to write something with so many conditional phrases - i was writing about what i felt while being a human. sometimes you are a person and sometimes you are a statistic. sometimes it is falling upwards and sometimes it's sliding back down again.

my father tells me that it will be difficult to get people to read it. i didn't like the idea of a singular genre. i'm not going to lie to you - it is actually a difficult book to get through. i change the rules in it. it's not poetry or prose explicitly. it's neither false nor reality. i give you the tools to "solve" the book, but i let you do the thinking. my father says people don't care to think. i don't know about that - i think we just, like, enjoy reading.

the thing is - i was tired of stories about survival where someone with depression goes to therapy and wakes up okay. i didn't live like that. i was tired of books about violence, where the gore of what i experience was splashed in glitter to lick off the page. like, i was a person, you know? i had a life and a job and a family. and in books, i watched my story get ripped up so people could explore the viscera of my body. so they could feel good. my brother once called it inspiration pornography. we had walked out of a suicide-prevention seminar, both of us disgusted while the increasingly-elated presenter kept listing methods-of. i remember the look on my brother's face. like i would tear that man apart given the right time and place.

my father says that kids these days. he warns me against writing about things that are too-serious. he says that they don't want it. i don't listen. he does make me take out a scene from the book where i go to church after having sex with a woman. it used to be the 7th scene in the book. i don't think he's read further than that, it rocked him too hard to continue.

it's a book about being queer. it's a book about being raised catholic. it doesn't have monsterfucking, i'm sorry. it's just about, like.

at some point you have to choose to stay here. and then you do have to stay here, which takes practice. this is about forming the habit. this is about what happens after you've already started doing the work. because, like. you keep going. you have to. and it's like. very imperfect.

i should make a post on instagram. i should make this announcement less bittersweet. but like -- i'm giving it you, specifically, because i think you know why i had to write it. you and me. this little community.

body's a bad monster. here's the link if you're interested in ordering.

[delusionalwh6re]

neteyam sully headcanons

summary: how i think neteyam would be in a relationship

warnings: 🔞 this contains sfw AND nsfw content, you’re responsible for what you consume on the internet.

he’s aged up too before some of yall even start.

im sorry but these have to be literal facts…

- protective

THIS MAN IS SO PROTECTIVE OVER YOU

especially if you’re a human, be ready for him to just randomly pick you up or hold onto you like you’re a child

even when you’re na’vi and can easily stand up for yourself he doesn’t give a singular fuck

he will not hesitate to grab onto your waist and guide you where ever you need to go

“neteyam im fine”

“oh yes you are” he smirked at you

you couldn’t help but laugh at your man “will you please let me go? im literally just going to get water..”

“i know but i can’t let anything to my cute little sugar plum” he replied playfully

you pursed your lips and stared at him

“never say that shit again”

when he’s “jealous”

- he has that stern tone WHEWWW 🫦

- like if he tells u to do something he expects you to do it…

- and if you’re the “boy you not my daddy” typa girl, oh trust and believe all of that will change

“i don’t want you talking to him”

“we’re just friends neteyam”

“i don’t care, he’s obviously trying to court you”

“and who are you to tell me who i can’t be friends with? you’re not in control over me” you rolled your eyes

“not how it was last night” he crossed his arms

were you silent or silenced? 😕

-honestly i don’t think he’s the super jealous type

-like he’s not finna go bat shit crazy when he knows he has yo ass locked down yk?

-he’s definitely not afraid to put a mf in their place when they get outta line tho

his confidence 😍😍

- like i said, he knows he has you locked down

-even before you guys were together he was still confident in himself which is a reason why he got you in the first place

- he’s not the cocky type but he’s the “my girl ain’t leaving me for any of yall bums” type 😭

- he’s never afraid to show you off either

- when i tell you EVERYONE knows, they know..

- so him being confident in himself + your relationship = future marriage

his humor

- im so tired of some of yall trying to make it seem like neteyam is so innocent or has no sense of humor

- unfortunately we didn’t get to see much of him (james check ur walls tonight)

- but i just know this mf was funny and so out of pocket

- it’s always them quiet ones im tellin u 😭

- the two of you would have such a funny and just a fun relationship in general

- especially if both of you have a sense of humor which real bad bitches have

- i just feel like neteyam wouldn’t be with someone “boring” or “dry” you feel me?

- so the two of you have quite the time together

- the things you guys say to each other are so unhinged like…

you watched as neteyam fished

the way his muscles flexed and back tensed up whenever he prepared to catch his pray

you have never been so down bad for a man and you prayed to eywa that she never took him away (well…)

eywa had really blessed you with the most gorgeous man on pandora

‘i just wanna eat him’ you thought

“what are you staring at sevin?” he caught you staring

“have you ever had it sucked from the back?”

“THATS POSSIBLE?”

and

you and neteyam were playing around in the lab

you guys were minding your business until the two of you found this thing called a ‘face mask’

it was a slimy, cold and thick consistency

so the two of you decided to play with it after asking norm for permission

it was a mess at first but the two of you got it eventually…

the two of you had the black goop all over your face and of course the two of you couldn’t take it seriously

“you look like a really old pile of shit” neteyam laughed at your zoned out face

“shut up, you look like a sky person’s soul”

the two of you laughed at each other which made the mask crease but didn’t even care

he smirked and licked his lips “you should put some on your ass”

you smirked back “you should put some on your balls”

“only if you put it on for me” he rubbed your thighs with a goofy smile

“EWWWWWW” you giggled at him

his bond with kids 🥹

- now me personally i don’t fw kids like that it really depends but if neteyam wants to make our own clan im spreading my legs IMMEDIATELY

- you find the way he is with kids so adorable

- it honestly came natural to him since he was basically a third parent to all his siblings

- you would catch him playing with the kids in the village and felt your heart physically warm at the sight

- it lead to you having thoughts

- like how he would be with your own children?

- and when that finally does happen. oh eywa.

- he’s the best father ever

- no matter if you have a daughter or son first he’s so insistent on getting rid of the eldest sibling curse

- he refuses for your children to follow in his unwanted footsteps

- he loves his family and wouldn’t trade them for the world but he definitely wish he had more of a childhood

- this causes the bond with his children to be stronger than ever

- he’s so understanding

- your kids are never afraid to come to him about anything and he always gives them advice

- even when there’s subjects he’s a little uncomfortable with he never pushes his kids away

i want him to be my baby daddy.

when there’s an argument

- every relationship has ups and downs

- yours and neteyam’s had no exceptions

- you usually talk your disagreements out since it’s the mature thing to do but when there’s an argument…

- this actually doesn’t happen too often but when it does the both of you just let out that built up frustration

- it sounds toxic but the two of you actually find it healthy to bump heads every now and then

- the arguments never get physical

- which helps because at the end of the day when the both of you calm down and sit down to get your shit together, it’s so worth it

you made your way back to you and neteyam’s hut after the big fight you two got in this morning

to be honest you were dreading it

you knew you had to face neteyam eventually and running wasn’t the smarted option, you knew he would track you down if he needed to

you audibly sighed before opening the flap

he was sitting in front of the fire and turned his head at the scent of you

“hey” he mumbled while picking on his loincloth

“hi” you gave him an awkward smile

there was a silence growing

“im sorry” you both blurted out at the same time

the two of you softly laughed at that

“come here” he stood up and reached his arms out

you practically ran to your man to hug him tightly before the two of you settled down for the night and never letting each other go

warning 🔞: NSFW content starting below!!

this man’s mouth is FILTHY.

- yall think he’s so innocent huh?

- yeah no thanks im not buying that shit

- when he has you pinned down underneath him all that goes out the door!!

- he’ll literally be pounding yo shit while you grip onto him for dear life and this mf doesn’t make it any better

“pussy so good” he grunted in your ear

honestly you didn’t even hear him, it felt so good that you literally lost your common sense

“mhm neteyam” was the only thing you could moan out

“fuck” he let out a long moan as his thrusts started to get sloppier which meant he was close

your eyes rolled to back of your head and your jaw dropped as he picked up his pace

- all you could hear was

“i could stay inside of you forever”

“cum on this dick”

“you can take it”

“we’re not stopping i hope you know that”

“wake up for me baby so you can see me cum all inside you”

“i want you bent over after this im not done”

“you’re so pretty fucked out it’s almost funny”

UM HELLO???

there’s dirtier things than that but you guys can use your imagination.. 😏

- even outside of the bedroom this man has ZERO shame

- like if some goofy ass nigga was trying to holla at you neteyam is NOT with it

- this fool will be all up in neteyam’s face talkin about some “just wait until i have y/n, she’s gonna be all mine mwahahaha”

- all neteyam had to do was hit him with the

“well when you do let me know how my dick tastes on both of her lips”

- safe to say that wannabe kept his distance…

he’s a certified pussy devouring god.

- he don’t care whenever or wherever it is

- if he wants to eat he’s gonna EAT.

- he’ll put you on the ground, rock, sand, table, chair, ceiling, bed, mat, against the door, air, upside down, on the side, bent over, in a handstand, in a split, etc

- he does NAWT care. like at all.

- he loves eating that wap

- he loves the taste and scent of you

- like it’s an actual addiction

- he loves giving and receiving

- definitely giving more tho

- the way you squirm around, grip his hair and let out those sexy moans you do every time he hits that spot

-there’s literally been times when he came untouched to just the sound of you while eating you out…

- he doesn’t give a fuck how many times you cum, if he’s not covered in your juices then he’s not done

if there was a reward for best dick ever neteyam easily got that

- now let’s be honest… are we shocked?

- nope! #bbc

- like everything else in his life that dick game is top tier

- he just KNOWS what to do with it

- you never worry about him not hitting those spots because he does every single time 😫

- he can’t help but laugh at how you act on it too

- the way you let out a breathy moan as he slides into you

- the way you throw your head back when he throws your leg over his shoulder to thrust deeper inside you

- the way you had tears streaming down your face when riding him because he felt so much bigger and deeper in that position

- the way you throw your hand behind you when he’s blowing your back out to get him to slow down only for him to slap your hand away

- yall know that audio that says “dear diary, it’s now day 16 without dick and im starting to lose hearing in my left eye and taste in my right”

- that’s how you feel every time you and neteyam spend sexual time apart

- yeah that dick is powerful.

the aftercare. omfg HIS aftercare.

- after neteyam rearranges all of your insides he immediately tends to you

- he basically teleports to get a wet towel to gently clean you up with

- he’s placing kisses all over your ENTIRE body

- he never shys away with showing you affection in or out of the bedroom and now is one of those times

- he’s nonstop telling you “i love you” “you’re so perfect” “my beautiful girl”

-now you know it’s the bare minimum BUT wait hear me out!

- he makes it feel like HEAVEN

- he massages parts of your body while soothing you in a calm tone

- “you did so good for me” “took me so well mama”

- like boy stop before we go for round 69

- you cry almost every time he lets you know how special you are to him

- he literally thanks you for giving your body to him because you have no obligation to do that and he feels lucky every time you open up for him

your head hit the makeshift pillow underneath you with a soft thud as you let out a moan of exhaustion

“that was so” you stopped mid sentence to gather your breath

you heard neteyam chuckle at you. you turned your head with a soft smile to look at him

“that good huh?” he smirked positioning himself to hold you

“yes” you blushed hiding your head in his chest

he smirked “I can tell, i got you shaking like crazy”

you lifted your head up to glare at him “alright now not too much..”

he laughed at you as always before kissing your head and laying you back down on his chest. the two of you just soaked in each other’s presence. one of the favorite parts of your day.

actually it was your favorite

as you listened to his heart beat, you felt it pick up like he was thinking about something to make his heart race

you traced hearts on his chest “you okay love?”

“yeah” he said after a while

“don’t lie to me” you slid your hand up and down his abs

he stiffened as you did that before speaking up

“i think i just fell more in love with you”

you froze

“no, i know i just fell more in love with you”

you lifted your head up to understand what he was talking about

“i just fell more in love with you too” you smiled

he smiled “you don’t understand how perfect you are. i swear i want this forever. you always make me feel at home, you are my home. you’re the reason my heart keeps beating. i couldn’t have asked eywa for a better woman. honestly i didn’t even have to ask, she just sent you to me. which is how i know we’re meant to be”

a tear fell down your eye as he moved the hair from out of your face

you jumped up to put your entire body over him

he let out a short laugh as he happily opened his arms for you to take you in. the two of you made eye contact

the type of eye contact that can make you fall in love all over again

“i love you” he gave you the most cutest face ever

“i love you more” your pupils dilated

that’s when a hard smack land on your ass

“OH HELL NAH”

“we talked about that”

you rolled your eyes

“roll em again and see what happens” he tightened his grip on your hips

“what are you gonna do?” you teased

“give you something that will really make your eyes roll back”

you giggled and placed kisses all over his face

“seriously though, i love you more”

“y/n stop fucking playing with me”

“what did i do?”

“you know what, i love YOU more”

“no”

“yes”

“NO”

“i can do this all night baby”

- and the two of you went back and forth for a while before you eventually gave up realizing neteyam wasn’t gonna let it go

- you let him think he was right even though you knew the truth

- men smh

- you both went to sleep cuddling and kissing all throughout the night

- you couldn’t have asked for a man better than neteyam sully because there simply wasn’t one.

THATS MY MANNNNNNNNNNN

okay so i thought this was a pretty cute and decent place to stop 🥹

in my next life i will be neteyam’s wife. idc what it takes.

these are some of MY headcanons, you don’t have to agree! but i would like to hear some of yours

should i do lo’ak next? 😜

love, liana

[pearlymel]

Hiii!!

Love your work!! If you’re available, could you please write hc’s of Jing Yuan, Natasha, Kafka, Boothill, Jiaoqiu (OOC is fine!!), Sampo, Gallagher, March 7th, and/or Serval with a reader with low blood sugar? Huge self-indulgent comfort ask, but it might resonate with a lot of other people!

My DM’s are open if you ever would like to learn some major symptoms of blood sugar drops. You absolutely do not have to do all of these characters, just giving you some ideas! Have a wonderful day/night!! ☺️💕

Synopsis: headcanons of the hsr character and reader with a low blood sugar.

Includes: Boothill, Jiaoqiu (might be ooc), Jing yuan, Gallagher, and March 7th.

Notes: i didn't add all of them because i usually write up to 5 characters or so (gonna create my rules sometime this week). But thank you for the request, lovey! I had so much fun writing this, i love writing and exploring new things :) i hope it was to your expectations, and sorry if the symptoms were inaccurate (google was my help i was too shy to dm.)

↳ BOOTHILL.

—we all should agree that this man is a caring lover, although i see him as the type to forget that you're not like him. You're not metal and scraps like him, and that you're a human being who needs a lil extra care.

—he doesn't think much of it when you first tell him that you tend to have low blood sugar, he even asks random strangers at bars he goes to about this sickness.

Boothill loves all types of fun to do with you, and tonight, you suggested you both dance.

Seeing the hint of a smile gracing your lips when you try hiding it by pressing your face on shoulder, Boothill grins. And he makes no attempt to hide his delight, he tightens his grip on your frame, holding you carefully but firmly against his chest.

"Well now, ain't I a lucky devil," he drawls, the evident sarcasm was in his tone, "Looks like I'm gettin' the chance to dance with a lovely person who shares my love for tryin' new things. I must be doin' somethin' right."

Silly, you think. "You were simply just you. And i love being with you."

Boothill grins, his eyes softening at the edges as he gazes down at you.

"Well now, ain't that a sweet thing to say," he replies, his voice gruff yet affectionate. "I ain't used to hearin' such sweet talk, to be honest." He pauses for a beat, his grip on you tightening ever so slightly.

"But hearin' it from you, it's nice," he continued before pulling you a bit closer against him.

You laugh along with him, bringing your hand to brush your fingertips along his hair, your other hand over the metallic surface of his chest before you slow your movements, you feel dizzy. No, it's not from how much you both were spinning, you both were going slow and careful.

It doesn't go unnoticed by him with the shift in your demeanor, a subtle change in your movements that indicates something is amiss.

"You okay there, darlin'?" he asks, his brow furrowing as he looks down at you. He can feel something amiss with you physically.

"Lightheaded." You mumble, holding onto him. "You... You have uhm.. anything sweet i can take?" He gives you a nod, "Reach into my pocket, I'm sure there's a candy sitting there," he explains, guiding your hand to his pocket, taking it calmly.

You give him a small smile when you reach for his side pocket to grab the singular wrapped candy.

Your fingers fumbles with the wrapper before you pop it in your mouth, sucking on the strawberry flavoured candy while resting your cheek on his shoulder.

"Doin' a little better there?"

"Yeah, thanks my hero."

"Don't you go gettin' all sweet on me now," he mutters with that of gruffness, though he smiles. "You're the one who's supposed to keep me from goin' all soft."

↳ GALLAGHER.

—Oh he's ready 24/7 whenever the situation calls for it. He takes this very seriously and will make sure no funny jokes were made about it, because they're certainly not funny to him and he will kick ass if anyone makes it harder on you than it should be.

What a sight for sore eyes. Truly. And no, he's not talking about the view, he's glancing back at you where you sat while looking up at the skies, your head titled as if you're so immersed.

"Anything on your mind?" He was the first to speak as he approaches you, "A lot of things.. clouding my head." You half shrug, watching him as he takes a seat next to you with a can of some carbonated drink on his side, and you hear the slight hiss of it when he open it with his finger. The carbonated drink fizzes a little between his finger and thumb as he pops the tab open, taking a small sip from it before turning his attention back to you.

His crimson eyes were on the direction you were trying to look at but he can't find what's so interesting about tonight's sky.

“I'm willing to stay here all night and listen.” He reassures you.

"Mhm," you stare blankly ahead now, almost zoning out, and you don't notice how sweaty you're starting to feel, or how your heart starts racing.

Gallagher's eyes narrow as he notices your almost zombie like look of a thousand yard stare. The way you look unmoving and not even acknowledging him.

He doesn't say anything and just hands you his drink, gently tapping the can on your arm to bring back your attention. You don't hesitate to grab it, taking small fast sips.

"Careful," he helps you straighten your back, drinking while slouching isn't exactly good.

You sigh when you hold the can with both hands now, letting it rest on your lap, "Thank you—"

"When was the last time you ate today?" He gently cuts you off.

"Earlier."

“And can you confirm that ‘earlier’ wasn’t hours ago?” He asked, his voice now firm but he tries to stay calm.

"I'm sleepy." You brush his question off instead, looking at him while blinking slowly as you lean to rest your head on the side of his shoulder. Gallagher watches you, letting out a soft scoff at how you tried to change the subject. He knew he wasn’t going to get an answer from you, but he also wasn’t going to let you just avoid the problem either.

"We're having dinner after your little nap, deal?"

↳ MARCH 7TH.

—March.. panics when she finds out for the first time. She asks you if you were okay, if you wanted anything, even when you try to reassure her that you felt fine at times, she wouldn't be convinced until you stay under her watch. She bugs Dan Heng to tell her all the possible symptoms so she wouldn't panic more than she should.

Today, you were March's model for photography, well you always are her model because she says you're the best fit for it.

She lets you try out fun clothes and you shyly and awkwardly try to pose in front of the camera at first, but then you immediately gain the confidence after a few more clicks. Smiling and posing while trying out all the fun combinations of colours and clothes.

She looked at you, wearing clothes she had picked out for you. You looked absolutely beautiful.

The enthusiastic girl was blushing a lot as she kept taking pictures of you, giggling behind the camera even.

"March, mind if i sit down for a bit?" You hated to stop her from her enthusiasm, but you feel lightheaded almost. And you were sure it's not from the flashes.

March immediately stopped taking photos and set her camera down when you asked.

She placed a gentle hand onto your forehead, seeing if you had a fever first. "Are you feeling sick?"

"No, don't panic. I just feel lightheaded. Do you have anything sweet i can take?"

Okay, she is prepared for this, "You're low on blood sugar, are you?" She asked, concerned. March then grabbed a small candy—a lollipop, to be exact—from the camera case and offered it out to you.

"And you came prepared." You try teasing, and she nodded with a light laugh. It was a nice-looking sweet lemon-flavored lolliop.

"I carry them with me just in case!" She replied, You both sit down together, she takes out another lollipop for herself so you wouldn't feel left out.

"We can take pictures while eating these lollipops."

March nodded in agreement with your idea, she was happy that you even said that, it meant taking pictures together for an hour now wasn't boring you out.

Then, she pulled out her camera again, a grin forming on her face, "That's a good idea! Alright, on the count of three—" she pulls the lollipop out, posing as if kissing the candy while you smile widely as the camera clicks on both of you.

↳ JIAOQIU.

—sooo, he's a healer. Then that means we all can agree that he's the attentive lover, and strictly cares about your health and diet, but i feel like he'd be playful about it at times.

You don't remember sleeping for so long when you woke up rather confused, shuffling around the blankets and sitting up on the bed while rubbing your head.

Your fault for skipping breakfast and going straight into your work or chores for today.

You fail to notice at first the pink haired figure next to you, sitting beside the bed so silently that it makes you gasp when you turn around to see him.

He was holding a spoonful of some red liquid that you're sure is spicy concoction. He looks at you expectantly, a hint of mischief behind his closed eyes.

“Say ahh,” he says quietly, enjoying the moment. But you almost try not to laugh.

"What happened exactly?" You ask him, refusing to still take that.. extremely dark red soup. It was so dark you can almost smell the spice in the air.

"Someone forgot to eat their meal i prepared earlier," he hums, still trying to pry his spoon closer to your lips, "so i had to find myself misfortune in the of finding you almost unconscious. You're lucky i was carrying some sweet herbs with me." And you frown at his next words, you want to apologize for how he must've been worried.

As if sensing your next words, he smiles, "none of that. Now, open up." He offers you the spoonful again but you pull your face away.

"Are you sure you're not trying to kill me next?"

Jiaoqiu pretends to pout. His fox ears prick and he gives you a slight pout, "You're so dramatic," he says, his tail flicking with amusement. He holds up the spoon again, still waiting for you to open your mouth.

"My soup will fix your blood sugar. Trust me, it's a secret recipe," Jiaoqiu says with a sly smirk.

"What if it tastes bad?" You regret the words leaving your mouth, because he opens his eyes and stares at you with an almost hurt expression. You take the spoonful in your mouth without another complaint, and he hums in approval while closing back his eyes.

The flavours almost explode in your mouth, it.. wasn't spicy at all. It was rather sweet and savoury.

"You tricked me, it's not spicy at all."

"I never said it was spicy, though." He tilts his head, feigning innocence and confusion.

Despite his antics, you instantly feel better, although he doesn't allow you to feed yourself, he'll do it for you.

↳ JING YUAN.

—This man would spoil you rotten. You're feeling unwell? He would love to take the day off and just look after you, although there is a doctor on the side in case anything gets serious. You're simply tired not because of your low sugar levels, but just because you were? He would gladly invite you in his arms or simply sit next to you while you both chat nonstop about eachother's days if that's what will make you feel better.

You were panting when you decided to train alone in the training grounds, Yanqing offered to train with you but you insisted that you needed that full concentration.

After a while, you do feel exhausted and worn out. The spear dropping from your hands as you bend a bit to rest your hands on your knees to catch some breath.

"Now, now, if you want to get stronger, you'll also need a break." Jing Yuan's call for you is what makes you huff out a chuckle. In his hands is what looked to be a bowl of fruits with a water bottle on the other.

"i wanted to build some muscle." You tell him when he gives you that look whenever you start training alone. It's not that he's against your wishes of wanting to be stronger for your own good, but he wishes Yanqing was atleast there to watch you.

"And, I'm not a baby." You roll your eyes playfully and he lets out a deep laugh. "Eat up." You take the orange first, but he was quick to take it from your hands to peel it for you, so you take the grape instead.

You as well take the bottle, gulping down almost the whole thing. Water has never tasted this good.

"You're not a baby, but you drool like one." You almost glare at his words and he only grins while wiping the excess water and fruit juice off the corner of your lips with his thumb. "That was mean, General." You raise both of your eyebrows at him, he only pats your head back, pulling you in with his arm to just hold you.

"when the time comes, you'll be strong enough to protect me."

[diejager]

@warenai gave me the juiciest idea.

Draw Cw: smut, porn, prostitution, P in V, creampie, jealousy, handjob, mating press, voyeurism, tell me if I missed any.

part 2

There was a silent understanding between the three of them after that whole fiasco, Ghost and Soap demanding answers from their captain on their own time. Ghost confronted Price in his office that night, body still hot and bothered from your live but wracked with cold sweat from finding out that Price was your third, highest donator. Price hadn’t expected him, neither did Price expect him to find out about his little secret, the thing he spent his money on, but when Soap stopped him outside of the base, he wasn’t surprised then. Ghost had told him about everything, how both he and Soap were members of your OnlyFans, devoted and loyal, only using the site to watch you.

Whether it bothered Gaz that they kept having silent conversations through side glances and open staring, he hadn’t voiced his confusion or curiosity, he stayed outside of this struggle to catch your attention. For all they knew, only the three of them knew you and enjoyed the content, spending their nights jerking off at your sweet voice and beautiful body dressed in all kinds of things. Gaz seemed none the wiser, acting as he usually did, smiling gently, taking care of his strict skin routine, trimming his moustache and caring for his favourite cap.

Yet, he seemed so energetic today, exhuming happiness and giddiness while the others looked dejected, shoulders slumped lower and sighing disappointedly. It was suspicious, for Gaz to act out of character, especially after your announcement of an anonymous winner of your draw, choosing at random one of your patrons to host a live with, letting them fuck you as they dreamed to. Unfortunately, you hadn’t told the public to protect the winner’s identity until the live, you would contact them directly for a day and time.

They seethed in silence, a storm of jealousy stewing in their guts while Gaz smiled and laughed to his phone, eyes glued to his screen and fingers tipping away as if he was in a rush to answer the person he was messaging. It went on like this for a while, a week before Gaz asked for a few days of leave, packing his rucksack with clothes and toiletries with the prettiest and newest clothes he had. Soap had teased him about leaving and dressing pretty for a date, that he’d been texting the girl who caught his heart for a wile now.

They forgot about Gaz after he left, happy for him and curious but not involving themselves into his business, until they got opened up your live after they got the notification about it starting in a few minutes. The watched you smile, wave at the camera, manicured nails gleaming under the soft, yellow light of a hotel room. You changed the location of stage, a comfortable looking hotel room with a queen bed and silken sheets. The highlight of this live - like every other - was you, dressed in a pretty, satin shirt fitting your dark navy teddy, the same shade under warm lights.

You sat on the bed, legs open and flashing the dark patch of your underwear, darkened with slick from earlier foreplay with your guest —the lucky bastard. You made the same introduction, a smile and wave, followed by welcoming them with your stage name, but this time, you reached out for someone off screen, fingers locking with a caramel one, thick fingers with calloused pads, the person who won the draw was lean but still muscular, his arms and thighs curved and abdomen hard. He wore a familiar mask —a skull painted balaclava.

“This is GazCan,” you pulled the man down to him hands and knees, pressing kisses against his gleaming chest, lips wandering up his throat and he’s masked cheek, “He won this year’s draw.”

They knew the balaclava, how could they not when they wore it before as a team, one singular squad fighting towards one goal — it was the Ghost team mask. This was no coincidence, it all fit in with their situation: Gaz had been overly enthusiastic and happy for a week, his sudden ask for days-worth leave and all the neatly folded clothes and skin care.

This winner was Gaz. They were watching Gaz finger you, pumping two of his fingers into your slick cunt, drooling over his palm for everyone to see and hear, the lewd and wet sound of his hand. They watched Gaz fuck you raw, folding you in half, knees to your ears and feet dangling over his shoulders as he snapped his hips, pounding you into the hotel bed and whispering filthy things into your ear. Your swollen folds puffing around his cock, hair trimmed and clean, veins bulging out as he drove in, were in full view of the camera, letting them watch how well Gaz was breeding you.

They boiled with jealousy, being forced to watch one of them feel you, taste you, fuck you. Gaz made you sign for them, mewls and keens rising high from how well he pleasured you, the pointed tip of his cock hitting your spongy cervix and veins rubbing against your g-spot. He was a mix of gentle sex and domination, keeping his hands on you and bending you to his liking, manhandling you to fit his wild fantasies and you liked it.

Despite seeing someone they knew fuck you, that didn’t stop them from coming, spreading their cum over their cock and jerking out the rest of it against their bed and desk. It drove them wild thinking that they could’ve been the one filling you up with their load rather than Gaz, his white jizz bubbling out of your twitching cunny and rolling down your perky rim.

“GazCan, is it, sergeant?” Price cock his brow, lip pursed and arms crossed, he looked so stern as he stared Gaz down.

“Captain,” Gaz smiled back, shamelessly comfortable with his date being shared in the briefing room, then he turned to Ghost, “Ghostie,” and to Soap, “SexiSoap, not exactly subtle.”

Part 4

Tag list: @warenai @sae1kie @yeoldedumbslut @tallmanlover @distracteddragoness @vxnilla-hxrddrugs @konigsblog @havoc973 @im-making-an-effort @cutiecusp @ladyof-themoon @yourdaydreamerfan

[megistusdiary]

If Arlecchino sees you as a replacement for her childhood friend (Clervie) and you accidentally find out, it makes you very sad and when she finds out she is next to comfort and prove Show you how much she loves you, not see you as a replacement by feeling guilty about you. 🤭

i think you guys are obsessed with hurting me

angst with arlecchino

arlecchino x fem!reader

warnings: angst (hurt + comfort), suggestive at the end

it was a mistake to look in her journal. you should've known better than to pry into her personal thoughts. that journal was for secrets, and as she always said, things she kept secret from you were better that way.

the only way she even knew you read it was the singular teardrop left on the corner of the page. it irreversibly smudged the ink, leaving a permanent addition to her writing that spoke louder than any of the words on the page.

"let me explain." she answered you, finally managing to corner you as you lay in your shared bed, tears in your eyes.

"explain what? that i'm just... some replacement for someone you lost?" it's obvious you're hurting, and so is she. while she wishes you would've never set foot in her office, she also knows her own internal thoughts are the problem.

she approaches the bed, gently kneeling down at the side, wrinkling her neatly pressed pants. "please listen." and you can hear the desperation in her normally cold tone. "i never meant for you to see that journal."

"but i did."

"what you read was something i've kept bottled up. you are not clervie's replacement, you are my wife." she tells you firmly, reaching over to hold your hand. "i saw good in her, good that i knew i couldn't possess myself. i am cursed, after all. it's the same good that i saw in you." she pauses, looking up at you. "i see things that remind me of her in you, not the other way around."

"what difference does it make? you'll always compare me to a girl you keep alive in your memories alone." you sniffle, wiping your eyes.

"i won't deny that clervie will never leave my memories. she was the only friend i've ever had until i met you." she rubs her thumb across the back of your hand. "i fell in love with you not because of clervie, and it takes me time to see the resemblance. it is no surprise i would seek out someone so... kind-hearted."

you stay quiet and she pulls your chin to look at her. "i have no intention of lying to you like this. i can say that i love you over and over until my lips bleed, but that won't change a thing in your mind, will it?"

"no. i suppose not." you frown and she cups your cheek.

"then let me prove it to you. i hope you know those words were written in a... particularly troubling time for me. they brought me comfort... to see that i have you. to think she would be happy for us."

she slides into bed with you, bringing you closer to her chest and wiping your tears. "you're not a replacement. you're my wife. you are the most important person in my life at all times." her lips press into your forehead as you snuggle into her.

"prove it." you mumble, half-teasingly, but you yelp when she rolls you over, looming over you instead. "arle-"

"peruere. that's my name, and i am aware you know, so say it."

"peruere." you breathe out softly and she sighs, looking troubled.

"i haven't heard that name in ages. it brings me... discomfort, but coming from you, it's almost like it means something loving again." she hums, leaning down to kiss your throat. "let me show you how much you mean to me." she offers.

you smile up at her, nodding as she kisses away your tears and slowly descends your body, taking gentle care of you for the night.

[br7ght]

i love you (i'm sorry) lucy bronze x reader

summary: You and Lucy have been sleeping with each other for months, you're convinced that there's something between you both but if you're right you know you're going to have to break her heart.

warnings: soft sex, fingering, praise, angst, i'm so sorry in advance

pairing: lucy bronze x reader

word count: 3k

smut 18+

Once again based on this ask here! maybe @occasionallyaurora and I are becoming the best duo out there, who knows...

Lucy’s hand was stroking through the back of your hair instead of squeezing around your neck, making you hum nicely instead of whining against her grip. Her head was nestled between your shoulder and your neck, placing gentle kisses up the length of your throat, ending up with a singular peck against your ear lobe. This was different. 

You were both undressed underneath your duvet covers, bodies slowly moulding together as you moved in such rhythm with one another that you were basically one person. There was a real warmth between you both, one that was passionate and gentle rather than a heat filled with lust and adrenaline. Her fingers were tracing your stomach, the confidence draining from the older woman as you felt her hands tremble as they worked down your body.

“Is everything okay, love?” You question, grabbing onto her hand and forcing her to look at you. All of your worries were instantly removed when you were met with that smile that made you sleep with her in the first place. 

“Sweetheart, I’m okay, I just want to take tonight slowly,” She said, her voice almost a whisper, “I want to take the time to really worship you, exactly how you deserve.” Lucy was definitely a talker, obviously she was good in bed, but her words alone could take you over the edge. She knew how to make your cheeks flush red, making you hide your face in the bed sheets which she enjoyed pulling you out of. You nod almost immediately and she continues to smile at you, rewarding her with a smile of your own back. She shook her head in pure happiness and disbelief that she got the chance to have you like this. 

Her hand continued its path down your body, making you react to every single touch she placed against your burning skin. You weren’t used to having everything dragged out for so long, you’d been sleeping together for about 6 months now and usually it was all the same. You’d find any place you could and clothes would be ripped off, the sex would be rough and she’d have you screaming her name within minutes. As much as you loved that dynamic between you, this was better than anything you could’ve imagined and it had barely even started yet. 

You felt her hands between your thighs, gently spreading your thighs open so she had full access to you. Even these touches were soft and careful, patiently waiting for your hips to jerk up against her hand as she cupped your arousal. 

“Tell me what you want, baby.” Lucy grinned as she felt your wetness soak into her hand, not giving you any friction that you were desperately pleading for. 

“Your fingers, please, anything.” You gulped, your bottom lip between your teeth as she scanned the length of your body before finally giving into you. Usually she could have you waiting and begging for as long as she wanted, knowing that she was completely in control, never usually giving you a decider in the evenings activities. 

“I’ll do everything you ask for my love.” She smiles, her face beaming down over you as her fingers gathered at your arousal, dragging it upwards until she found your swollen clit, gently circling her fingertips over the top of it. You groaned deeply, your legs opening wider as she continued loose motions against you, each swipe of your bud making you pull her body closer to yours. You reached up for a kiss, and when your lips connected it felt completely different, it wasn’t desperate, it was like you had been created to kiss one another. Your lips moved with hers in complete union as her tongue traced your lip, begging, which you allowed and as she explored your mouth she edged her fingers towards your entrance.

“Please Lucy.” That was all she needed, dipping her finger through your folds and working herself into you, listening intensely to the way you gasped at the feeling of being filled by her. She held her hand still for a moment before pulling out and thrusting gently back into you. You were already whining and she loved how loud you were when she was inside of you, making it one of her favourite things to do. 

“That's it, good girl.” She praises and your heart stops for a moment, she’d rarely called you that and you swore it doubled the arousal that was pooling into the palm of her hand. You looked up at her with such intense desire that she knew she’d hit the right spot, both physically and vocally. “Keep making those little sounds, my pretty girl.” 

She started pumping her fingers quicker into you now, repositioning her hand so her thumb could brush up against your neglected clit. The contact making you a moaning mess beneath her hand. She never spoke to you like this, her voice deep and calming and you wrapped your hand around the back of her neck, just wanting to touch her. 

“Luce, Luce.” You call out, her fingers pumping quicker into you, the circles around your clit becoming more precise, slowly adding more pressure as she felt your body tremble beneath her. She stroked your hair behind your ear, planting a kiss against your cheek as you called out for her, “Lucy, I’m close, please don’t stop.” 

“I wouldn’t dream of it, princess.” She smirked, not a daring or evil smirk, but one that told you that she was obsessed with the way she could make you feel. She continued what she was doing, driving you closer and closer to tumbling over the edge, all of her kisses up and down your body taking you closer. Your moans started becoming more high pitched, your legs barely able to hold themselves open as her fingers thrusted harshly in and out of you. “Come for me darling, show me how good I make you feel.”

With that you were moaning her name, your body shaking through the orgasm that was even more intense than the ones that came from her usual rough and dominating nights. She continued to thrust into you, not stopping her thumb drawing small circles around your throbbing bundle of nerves as you rode out your climax. Even with your eyes slammed shut you could feel the awe inspired gaze that she had on your body as she watched you finish on her fingers. 

“Fuck, you look so pretty when you come for me.” Lucy whispered into the shell of your ear, the warmth of her breath giving you goosebumps as she retracted her fingers, bringing them up to her mouth to taste you against her tongue. 

You were basically speechless, you’d never experienced an orgasm like that with Lucy before, one that you didn’t have to beg for, one that felt like it was filled with care and compassion. “Lucy, that was so perfect.” You hummed against her neck as she pulled the covers back over your, keeping you warm against her body. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she looked like she was settling down to go to sleep and she laughed at your reaction. 

“What are you looking so confused about, hm?” Lucy teases, outstretching her arm and letting you roll into her hold, settling your head against her chest as her hand into your hair again, stroking gently through your locks. 

“It’s usually just not over this quickly, not that I’m complaining or anything.” You giggle nervously, her gaze locking with yours. 

“We have plenty of time to have more nights like that baby, but this one felt too perfect to mess it up now.” Her words were sincere, yet your heart starts racing faster at the one word that stood out to you, time. You hadn’t told her yet, you thought it was going to be an easy announcement to make, but after tonight there was no way you could tell her now. Her eyes were already struggling to stay open as she found comfort in holding you against her body. 

You shut your eyes in pretence, wanting to make sure she didn’t feel like there was something wrong. Once they’d been shut for a few minutes you felt her lean over you, placing a kiss against your forehead. You swear you could hear her mumble something into your skin but you chose to ignore it, your head just spinning with the news you had yet to tell her, knowing that it was going to have to be soon, and now knowing it was going to be harder than you first thought. 

—-

When you awoke you were in your bed alone, and you sighed a breath of relief. As much as you adored last night, it felt too much like something that was going to make breaking the news to her so much harder than before. Lucy rarely brought emotions into your casual relationship, but last night was so perfectly blissful that you had really started to panic. Now as you lay in the bed on your own you realised that she must’ve just been in a softer mood than usual, just wanting something to fulfill her emotional feelings that night. 

After a few moments you wrapped yourself up in an oversized jumper, putting on some socks before heading down to the kitchen to make yourself breakfast for the day ahead. As soon as you made it halfway down the stairs you could hear someone clattering about in your kitchen so you sped up in order to see who it was. With no surprise, there was the older brunette plating up her cooking onto two plates that she’d set at your dinner table. You smiled, then forced yourself not to, walking up to her with a plain expression on your face. 

“Morning love, I woke up early so I thought I’d make you breakfast.” She announced, a huge grin on her face as she presented her full English breakfast to you, pulling out the chair for you and waiting for you to take a seat. As you did, she placed a kiss against your cheek and you couldn’t help but smile at the warming gestures. 

“You didn’t have to do all this Luce, seriously.” You remarked, picking up the coffee that she’d made for you, exactly how you liked it, she knew you better than you thought she did. 

“I wanted to love.” She smiles, sitting herself down opposite you and immediately picking up the piece of toast and taking a huge bite from it. “I want more than what we have, I want to be able to call you my girlfriend.” 

There it was. You knew it was coming. You felt your face begin to burn up as you knew that you were going to have to break her heart right in front of her and her breakfast that she’d gotten up specifically to make you. You could tell she had been planning this, you could even see the nerves in her eyes as she said it. You place your mug against the table, setting it down harder than you needed to, but you could barely breathe at the thought of breaking her heart right in this very moment, this is never how you’d planned to tell her. 

“Lucy, I can’t. I’m sorry.” Your head hung, your eyes shut tightly as your hair fell messily in front of your face. She reached for your hand, not understanding why you were acting like this. It had always seemed like you were the one that wanted more, from the very beginning that was made very clear. However, it was too late, you weren’t going to be around for much longer. You pulled away from her grip that was stroking small circles into the back of your hand. You couldn’t even look at her in the fear of being met with a heartbroken face, one that wasn’t created to look hurt, you couldn’t bear to see her upset. “I’m transferring.” 

It wasn’t like you were hiding it, the fact that you weren’t happy at Manchester United was an open secret. Everybody knew that you wouldn’t be renewing your contract with them when it expired this summer - it was a huge rumour already between players and fans even if it hadn’t been announced publicly yet. 

“I knew you would be, but why does that mean we can’t have this, it works so perfectly me and you.” Lucy said and it broke your heart, you found the courage to look at her but when you saw her glossy eyes you couldn’t hold the gaze for longer than a second. “Just because you won’t be in Manchester, that's fine, London’s not that far away my love.” 

“London?” You questioned, sucking in a breath, looking up at her with confusion. 

“Well yeah, I heard Arsenal wants you. Is that not where you’re going?” Lucy asked and you gulped, trying to push back the tears. You’d seen all the rumours online; that Arsenal were desperate to have you, and you would be lucky to play for them. You had been ready to make that choice until your dream team since you were young had finally shown an interest in buying you. 

“Luce, I’m transferring to Barcelona.” You could hear a pin drop in the silence that surrounded you both. You were looking straight at her as she fighted internally with herself to not seem selfish in this scenario - priding herself on not being that person. 

“That's your dream! I’m so happy for you.” She said, choking through tears that she refused to let fall from her eyes, but you could see them. She was right, it really was your dream and you didn’t even know you wanted something this bad. The prestige the club had, the facilities, the trainers, coaches, and players, but most of all their need to win - absolutely everything. You had sat on pins and needles for at least a week and a half, fielding calls from your agent, United, and Barca. Everyone wanted to make sure they got the best deal out of your transfer. It was at least comforting that your agent dropped the fact that Barca would still want you if the transfer fell through, after your contract expired, and would wait to sign you for free if they had to. Ultimately, a deal had been reached and after the Christmas break you would be heading to Barcelona. 

“Lucy, don’t.” You say, feeling an intense amount of emotion over how Lucy was looking at you. Her eyes were glassy with tears but you could see how she was shaking them back, tucking a strand of her dark hair behind her ear almost resetting herself. 

“No, look, it's okay. I was just being silly anyway, you need to go and live the dream.” You hated her referring to you both as silly, but you knew she just couldn’t admit to being absolutely heartbroken by the news she’d just received. 

“It’s not silly.” You state, your eyes squinting now, unable to push back the tears flooding your vision. It was your turn to reach for her hand now but before you could reach she pulled it back, shaking her head at you. “I’m in love with you Lucy.” You couldn’t believe what you’d said, but you’d said it and you meant it, more than anything you’d ever said before. 

“I’m not letting you get held back by me. You’re at your peak and you’ve got to go and make it in Barcelona, really get your name out there.” Lucy was changing the subject again, wanting to talk about anything but the fact that she’d just admitted her feelings for you and was left without anything to show for it.

“Lucy, listen to what I’m saying. I love you.” You were repeating yourself, every time you said it it felt more and more right, even if you knew it was never going to work out now you were moving. 

“I can hear you, but it’s not going to work, is it? I’ll still be here at Man City, while you’re there.” Her voice cracked at the words, her head lowering, not able to make eye contact with you anymore. 

“I’m sorry.” That's all you had left. She wouldn’t let you hold her hand, she wouldn’t let you comfort her anymore, and it was finally kicking in that you’d lost something you didn’t even know you truly had. 

“Don’t be sorry. It’s no one’s fault.” Lucy said, finally looking up to look at you again, you saw a singular tear drop down her cheek, but she didn’t rush to wipe it away. Instead, she let it soak into her skin, like she wanted to feel herself finally giving into her heartbreak. “Just wasn’t meant to be was it?” 

She left it a few seconds, letting the words sink into both of you before standing up and grabbing her coat from the back of her chair. 

“Are you leaving?” You ask, your voice hoarse and quiet. She nodded, her lips pursed together as she hooks her arms into her jacket. You stand up to meet her, but she turns away, walking towards the door. “Lucy, wait.” You grabbed her arm, pulling her back around and standing no further than a few inches away from her. She looked at you like it was the last time she was ever going to see you, both of you seemingly pretending like you weren’t going to have to continue the rest of the season for your teams or for England. 

She allowed herself to edge closer to your face, placing one soft kiss against your lips, but you held her in place and you both took a breath before allowing your lips to collide with each others again, just how you had last night. You could feel the wetness of her cheeks as you reached up to hold her face and it broke you down again before you felt her pull away from you. You both remained still for a moment, your head falling into her chest as she rested her chin against your hair, placing one final kiss against your scalp. 

“I’ll see you around, okay.” Lucy announced and you couldn’t even respond, just giving her a small nod as you watched her leave, but it didn’t really settle in until you heard the front door slam shut and you were left alone surrounded by her gestures of love that she’d made for you and you’d been forced to turn down. 

You didn’t know what else to do apart from clear the breakfast up, tears rolling down your cheeks as you scraped the leftovers into the bin, watching as everything she’d done for you had just been thrown away. You don’t remember how long you stood just staring at nothing, waiting for Lucy to come straight back through the front door and tell you that you both could make it work, but she didn’t. She never came back to your house again. 

You found your way back into your bedroom, crawling back into the duvet, and immediately the scent of her perfume hit your nose and you couldn’t hold it back anymore. You sobbed into the pillow, hating how you’d left things, but you knew you’d both come to accept the fact that what's done was done and you let it run back and forth through your mind until sleep took hold of you. 

[noyzinerd]

Derek teaching unknown werewolf societal/cultural facts to Stiles is cute, and I love that for them, truly, but I want to see the reverse.

We're always hearing about when someone (usually Stiles) asks a naive question about werewolves and Derek going "No, you idiot! It doesn't work like that!" As if it's common knowledge that everyone should know, when in reality there's no possible way Stiles (or any average person, for that matter) could know that.

And I'm sure in Derek's world, stuff like silver not actually being effective against werewolves is a no-brainer or spotting a Kitsune is laughably easy, but not to the common bystander.

So, instead, I'd love to see the random, human customs and social norms Stiles would find himself needing to explain to Derek when they start living together. Stuff that the human family members of his pack never displayed because they had been raised surrounded by werewolves their entire lives.

From all the small things like how, when you get a canker sore or lose a filling, you always gotta stick your tongue in it. ("No, we don't want to do it. It hurts like hell, actually. It's just something we do. Don't ask me why. I honestly couldn't tell you. It's the same with picking scabs or pressing down on bruises.")

Or like how you're not supposed to eat the weird, little black nub at the bottom of the banana. ("I don't care if it's composed of the exact same stuff as the rest of the banana, that's so fucking gross 🤢")

Or like how you have to walk around ladders instead of under them ("Because otherwise you'll get bad luck, Derek!")

Or how, for a short time in history, a man wearing a singular earring on his left ear meant that he was gay for some reason. Or was it the right ear? ("Hey, listen, man, I didn't make these dumb rules!")

Or how you can't pick up a penny off the ground unless the face side is heads up ("Yes, it's another 'good luck, bad luck' thing. We actually have a lot of those, now that I think about it.")

Or how if someone far away sees you coming and holds the door open for you, you very specifically have to do a customary tiny wave or acknowledging nod before doing a small little half trot-half jog that isn't too slow or too fast all the way to the door. ("Because you don't want to take up their time, but also you don't want them to think they've inconvenienced you. Yeah, no, I get that they already have, but you don't want THEM to know that.")

All the way up to things like the weird history of Coke Zero, even though Diet Coke is essentially the same thing. ("Oh, now see, that's actually pretty interesting. And by interesting, I mean dumb and terrible. See, in the 80's, Coke only ever marketed Diet Coke as a 'woman's drink', so when they finally decided to expand their demographic, they had to spend millions of dollars to undo their own conditioning because their women's only Diet Coke campaign had been so successful, it took decades for men to stop associating drinking diet soda with being gay or effeminate.")

Just so Derek can finally know what it feels like to be on the other end of "common sense."

[brights-place]

Hii! If it’s okay, could I please request some hcs of Leif from MID with a motherly s/o?

The reader doesn’t have to be female, I just think that he deserves a nurturing partner after all that childhood trauma

Lief X Motherly! Reader

Pairings: Leif X Reader

Warnings: Fluff, Some angsty shit, mentions of Murder, Cursing A/N: Dude I can't agree more that Lief deserves someone to nurture him LIKE OMLLLLLLLLL! this man when Rhys and him had the argument and leif said "your not the only one who tells me that" I was so shocked - Leif had like a really SHITTY PAST DUDE - You were Ava's neighbor so you wanted to greet her the day after her interview - So having you be there makes him so confused how could you handle him? how could you handle his personality - Leif is a bit feisty but also very bold when it comes to things and leif can be shown to be slightly challenging and quick to assume things such as him instantly assuming Ava your BFF was dead when she was found to be unconscious. - Leif was shown to be dangerous as shown by the many threats towards Ava's life... yet you showed cared for him? you wrapped up him whenever he got hurt and would scold him - He first got pissed at you and thought you were challenging him on his healing abilities - but you were showing him kindness which most daemos find weak - You took care of Ava properly and made sure she was fine and all the daemos men called you Ava's head Lady in Waiting  - You were there in the morning helped and fixed her place as you took care of her. Ava saw you as a mother figure yes she has her own parents but having you was nice - You cared for her and showed her motherly attention and when you tried to show the other daemos that care - Violent tendencies come to him so he pulls out his sickles and would try to charge at someone so you have to restrain him the most and he gets pissy

- When Leif came across you he was immediately struck by your warm and comforting presence. - When someone gets your attention he gets defensive and would try get your attention back onto him - he has abandonment issues so he likes to be by your side but he doesn't speak up about it at all for example Ava was explaining how to put on the clothes for the others - You know how he likes poking ava with you its even worse he pokes but sometimes likes to touch diffrent parts of your bodies randomly. You could be washing dishes and he would pop up behind you touching your waist an then try to scold him but he's always far away - Even as a healer he finds it annoying how you try to patch him up - He likes to sharpen his sickles and shows it off to you as you just make sure he is alright - He likes to talk about him being a ex-assassin and flezes it as you tell him how cruel it was as he just stares at you - Believe it or not Leif respects you more than anyone in this world aka earth I mean- have you seen yourself? but he says he doesn't respect anyone - The group saw you punch a guy who tried to touch you and ava inappropriately due to being drunk the guy passed out with a singular punch - You gained their respect but when leif tried to join in on punching the male you dragged his ass away - he started to like you after awhile and would flirtatiously threaten you as you scold him like always which he enjoys - He smirks alot and I mean alot but he enjoys staring at you when you do things - You asked him about his past and he was hesitant and you apologized and told him when he was ready he told you anyway as you frowned telling him that he didn't deserve that -  you soon pointed out to him that distracting himself from his trauma by focusing all of his energy into his work killing started to become recreational for him as it was the only mechanism that could relieve emotional pain. - he became so dependent on bloodshed to keep him mentally stable almost as if it were an addiction - Leif would look away and scoff and tries to tell you off as you deadpan at him with an look 'Bro I know' - You give him ideas on how to relax himself as you give him plants for him to take care of due to noticing when you brought a plant to give to Ava he wouldn't stop staring at it - So you give him these plants to look after and explain they need light and water - He flexes it and says it was 'special' cause he tried to repeat all the facts you say about them so he seems smart - so when he watched one die after a couple of days he freaks out and rushes to ava demanding her to summon you cause you weren't there due to you being at work - You got off work and explained to Leif that it died due to not being taken care of so he makes sure to ask if he's doing stuff correctly which makes you confused how he is so calm - He has a short patience and would go off at a moment not like Asch but still has a short temper - threatens Ava for him to hangout at your apartment whenever you try to leave as Ava panics as you tell Leif to stop - You tell him that your just next door and come by whenever and he starts becoming an annoying pest - Ava would drag Leif to your place as others complain as Ava tells them to shut up as Ava knocks on your door as you open the door with a tired look wearing a face mask and your Pajamas wearing duck slippers and baggy sweatpants and a white shirt with a goose holding a knife in its mouth with bubbly words 'Peace was never the option' above it as Leif smirked at you.

- A sigh past your lips as Ava left to go to bed and leif entereed your apartment as you motioned for him to sleep on your bed as you were heading to the couch - This mother fucker decided to pull you into the bed and tell you to just sleep here as you warn him if he breaks anything your gonna tell ava - You fell asleep drooling onto bed unaware the leif clinged onto you enjoying the warmth you shared - it was weird how someone as caring and nurturing as you were caring for a blood thirsty ex-assassin - In the moments that you both have interacted with each other Leif felt something that he hadn't in a long time... Comfort

reblogs + comments are appreciated ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

©brights-place 2023 — do not repost on another platform, copy, translate or edit my works! if you fit my DNI list please don't interact

[asocialangel]

a toxic side of your relationship.

because every fairytale has its flaws ~

angsty short texts (<100w\character). Part 2 with more characters upcoming (you can comment for someone specific)

Isagi Yoichi, Reo Mikage, Itsohi Rin, Shidou Ryuusei, Itoshi Sae, Meguru Bachira, Otoya Eita, Michael Kaiser, Rensuke Kunigami.

[pt 2 includes: lorenzo, nagi, barou, yukimiya, karasu, ness] [pt3 includes: aiku, niko, hiori, chigiri, kurona]

Isagi coddles you too much. He feeds in your delusions, mostly by accident, because he apprehends the awkward moment where he breaks you from within. He keeps the harsh truth unbeknownst to you, he wrongfully thinks white lies are for the best. Sometimes reality hits anyways, and someone tells you with authenticity what's wrong with you. It hurts harder, because you’ve always had these extraneous walls protecting you.

Reo thinks materialistic love can make up for anything. He makes mistakes, just like everyone does, but he never really apologizes. He just sends you an impersonal gift, thinking it’ll make you forget.

He’s not always as present as you’d like him to be, but he defends himself saying he provides everything you could wish for. Except sometimes love cannot be touched. 

Rin doesn’t realize he has an impact on you. He’s so focused on himself, he forgets his harsh words or dirty looks mean something to others. It’s like he forgets interactions go beyond time. He doesn't understand why get so caught up over something he did. “Why does he matters to you that much ?” He won’t accept that he is now part of someone else’s everyday life.

Shidou pushes your buttons on purpose. When you fight, he does and says exactly what he knows will make you out of your mind. He considers that the one that gets the loudest ‘lost’, so he will make it happen. That’s also his way of taking out his anger, making you the maddest possible. He will cross lines to make you sad or angry. He doesn't know where to stop, it's kinda immature.

Sae lowers your self-esteem with how better he is than you. You know that he surpasses you at everything, it’s almost ridiculous. Looks, intellect, strength, sociability. You’re just constantly reminded that everyone will love him better. His ego stops him from denying it or comforting you. Deep down, he likes feeling superior.

Bachira can be judgy. He has this look that makes you feel so stupid. When he doesn’t approve of something, you’ll just know. Because he thinks he has the singular right answer for everything. Sometimes you feel like you should not be entirely yourself, because he’ll have something to object to. 

Kunigami is not the same in group settings as he is when alone with you. When he’s with his friends, it’s like he changes from a less thoughtful, caring person, to a sneery, detached individual. He probably doesn't do it on purpose, but it makes you feel so dumb and belittled.

Otoya is not as involved as you. He cares so little for your relationship, especially compared to you. He acts detached, is passive and sometimes even has the nerve to refuse plans you offer. If you didn’t do anything, your relationship would probably melt off instantly. It’s like he doesn't value your love to its true significance. 

Kaiser gaslights you. He hates arguments and he hates being wrong. So if you even mention the possibility of him fucking up, he will completely turn it around to make you the bad guy.  And if he does apologize, you know it comes with guilt tripping and unfulfilled promises. It’s like he cannot admit his mistakes, but on top of that, he blames it on you. 

A\N: thought of this because i want my Isagi person who will always agree with me even when i'm wrong~ Unrealistic tho, ik

[shadowxamyweek]

What The Fuck Do You Mean They Gave Amy Rose an Eating Disorder

Alright. I said I’d talk about why I think Amy has an eating disorder, and so here I am, ready to throw down.

Disclaimer! 

Let me explicitly say- there’s nothing wrong with exercise and there’s nothing wrong with going on a diet. Not intrinsically, anyway. If you’re being smart and healthy about it, you’ve got good people supporting you or you’ve got your own good mental supports to make sure you’re not hurting yourself, that’s awesome. I am not saying these things are evil. What I am saying is there exists a very dark and obsessive undercurrent to *any* sort of health choice due to cultural expectations that, if a person is not careful about, they can get sucked into.  

Trigger warnings!

This is very 'Dead Dove, Do Not Eat.' We're gonna be talking about eating disorders and self harm. It's right here on the tin. If you don't think you're gonna be okay reading this, then don't. I want you to be safe. I believe I've tagged this appropriately, but if I've missed something, please let me know.

What even is an eating disorder? 

Broadly speaking, it is any behavioral condition characterized by abnormal eating habits. Some eating disorders stem from physical difficulty with eating that becomes psychological, while others originate due to psychological issues themselves. There are eating disorders that occur because people just wish to be in control of something, those that originate due to side effects of medication, those that occur due to side effects of other psychological conditions like anxiety or depression. 

This is to say- not all eating disorders are due to an obsession with body image. 

However, it cannot be understated just how many people develop an eating disorder because they are obsessed with body image. 

I am of the opinion Amy falls into the latter category, that she is obsessed with body image and, due to that, has an eating disorder.

So what’s going on with Amy? 

Let’s look at Sonic Battle (2003). It’s a PVP fighting game for the Game Boy Advance, picking up the plot directly after Sonic Heros and introducing us to Ermel (who would die and come back as Germel). Much like the previous games, you would have a singular plot that was divided into sections. We will be focusing on Amy and Cream’s chapters within the story. 

Amy Rose (X)

Cream (X)

Battle is what introduces us to Amy’s boxercising. Originally, she started it to get stronger, Cream citing Amy’s desire to keep Ermel safe after briefly getting kidnapped. However, once she realizes she can lose weight via this method, she becomes obsessed. Cream talks about it, seeming visibly uncomfortable with Amy’s fixation on losing weight, but we don’t really get much in the way of details until we actually fight Amy and see this weightloss obsession in action. 

In the Amy chapter of the story, she takes Ermel back to her apartment to train. They set a goal of 5 KOs, then 10. Amy feels faint, citing lightheadedness. Ermel leaves her alone in her apartment.

The next time you see her, only a few moments later, Cream is there. Turns out Amy was so lightheaded she had to go for a liedown. Cream says she’s worried about Amy. Specifically, she says she’s ‘burnt out,’ from overworking herself. Amy promptly comes back from her short break, stumbling into the room, to which Cream exclaims they can’t keep going because Amy can’t walk straight. Amy tells Cream she’s fine, and proceeds to start another goal of 10 KOs.

After that, Amy wants to keep working out, but she’s reaching her limit. She’s unable to speak more than a word or two without gasping for air. Insisting she can keep exercising, she tries to excuse herself to ‘change tactics’. When Cream follows her, it’s revealed that Amy’s been wearing excessively heavy weights on her arms and legs during this entire training spree.   

Amy says to go for another goal of 10 KOs. Cream, visibly upset, says that Amy has lost her focus on training. Still, you fight her anyway.

After this, Amy collapses. 

She is able to pull herself together after a second, rushing off with Ermel to keep fighting in search of the Chaos Emeralds. Cream seems relieved that Amy’s alright, saying, ‘she’s the strongest woman I know.’ 

The relief does not last long. After you finish Amy’s chapter, you switch to Cream’s. It opens up post boxcercise with Amy congratulating Ermel on getting strong. Cream noticeably stays very quiet during the exchange. 

Then, Amy asks, ‘how much did I lose today?’ 

Ermel tells her that she’s burned 1000 calories during their workout session. If she wants, she can lose a kilo/2 pounds-ish per three days if she is able to keep this up, but she will have to eat only 700 calories a day max and drink 4 liters/ 1 gallon-ish of water a day. Amy gets very excited. She also says she’s going to purchase some ‘super diet-machine.’ to further her progress. She thanks Ermel for helping her get closer to her goal. 

After a bit of a back and forth, Cream says to Ermel that Amy is really getting into this dieting. When Ermel asks, ‘Is getting thin good?’ Cream explains that Amy wants to be thinner so that Sonic might like her back. Ermel, understandably, doesn’t get it. Cream replies that, sometimes, a person will do anything for someone they love. Ermel stays silent, and Cream says that one day, they may eventually understand. 

(I swear there’s an additional dialog option if you go back to Amy’s place to talk to her where Ermel suggests she eat nothing but lettuce leaves, but I have misplaced my own copy of the game and cannot verify this. As such, I am not going to use it as evidence, but I do ask that if anyone DOES have the game, fact-check me on this place. I’d like to know if my memory is correct or if this is just a fabrication due to… everything mentioned above.) 

So okay, that’s the beats of the story. Now let’s talk about dangerous exercise and diet culture:

Exercise and Eating Disorders

Boxercise feels like a direct parallel to stuff like Jazzercise (60s-80s) or Zumba (00s-10s), which is just normal exercise with a twist of some sort that make it palatable for mass engagement/marketing. These different fun and exciting methods (and they can be- they can be fun- I’m not even gonna lie.) of workout were often sold as methods of both gaining strength and losing weight, but the losing weight often becomes their focus. This game even calls out the ‘this will make me stronger’ to ‘this will make me thin and desirable’ mental pipeline that can happen in the culture surrounding these sorts of exercise methods, unfortunately fostered despite whatever intentions their creators or individualized mentors had. There is nothing wrong with any of these styles of exercise. However, overexercise can be a hallmark of an eating disorder, and a culture of obsession that can surround fad exercises promoting extreme weightloss is dangerous. (X) (X)

It’s not new. The culture around these fad exercise methods might create a special sort of vortex, but look closely, and you'll likely pick up a few people with the same mindset at any old gym. ‘If I just keep pushing, if I just keep going, if I ignore the pain, I’ll be who I want to be.’ That’s how people get permanent injury, from Jannet going way too hard at pilates to Keith pushing far too much weight. 

Speaking of weights- We are lead to believe that Amy has been wearing weights this entire time. I don’t just mean for the fight mentioned above. Think about it- she takes them off during that massive workout/fight, but when did she put them on? We don’t see it. We’ve been with her nearly the entire time. This reads to me that she has had them on the entire day, not just for her exercising. 

It should be noted that wearing weights in this manner for an extended period of time can lead to damage (X) . As an aside, I have found no studies on the matter, but at least half of the people I know who have also had an eating disorder at one point or another intentionally weighed themselves down in some manner thinking they could burn more calories by doing whatever it was they were doing. This includes wearing training weights all the time, overfilling backpacks and carrying them around, and other things.

It’s not the exercise that is bad, it’s not the method that is bad, it’s not most of the community that is bad, but there is (and has always been, and will always be, unfortunately) a portion of it with this dangerous mindset that a person can get sucked into if they are not careful.

Due to the evidence above, it seems clear to me that Amy has gotten sucked into this mindset. 

That’s just a part of it though. The restricted eating is where it gets really solidified for me. 

Diet Culture and Eating Disorders

Now, obviously I’m going to be going off of human numbers, so if you wish to counterargue that ‘oh well they’re smaller/different species of course they’d need less calories’ that’s fine- feel free to do so- but just understand I personally don’t think the text was written with that sort of calculation in mind. 

The average human body, even if it is a body largely at rest, needs about 2,000 calories a day to help maintain good health (X) (PLEASE ignore BMI it's a bullshit method of measurement). Various fad diets or crazes have come and gone across the centuries, with focuses on trying to achieve whatever body type was popular in that moment. 

‘This will make you sexy. This will make you wanted. This will finally make someone love you. Before, you were unlovable. After, maybe you’ll have a real chance.’ 

Noticeably, in the fad diets of the 90s into today, the focus for a lot of people attempting to lose weight has been ‘restrict your caloric intake.’ That’s not a problem until you start cutting out foods with nutrients the body needs to survive and/or getting to under a 1,000 calories a day (X). 

Despite what a lot of popular caloric or generalized eating restriction diets will tell you, if you keep your body from energy, it will go into protection mode. Protection mode is where your body acts like it is starving, because it is, thus slowing down its stash of burnable energy. Your average caloric burn then DROPS. This causes it to become harder and harder to lose weight the longer you starve yourself, which creates a vicious cycle.

Furthermore, if you are both working out and dieting, you need good caloric intake when working out in order to help facilitate building muscle. If you don’t eat properly while working out, you don’t build the muscle you should and, in fact, you can lose muscle or cause permanent damage since your muscles won’t have the tools/energy to repair themselves after workouts. 

Crash diets/workouts like this are also not sustainable. There have been dozens of studies on how losing weight too quickly can be bad for the body, but beyond that, the mental tax of trying to maintain a non-maintainable lifestyle of limited eating/ overworkout often ends in a massive rebound (a rubber-banding if you wanna call it that) due to lethargy or mental fatigue (not helped by the lack of food.). That plus a brutalized metabolism will cause people to gain the weight they lost back, make it more difficult to lose, and might ultimately result in the person gaining more weight than they had previously. Again- vicious cycle. (X)

But the dieting industry, the diet culture doesn’t really care about that. It largely doesn’t care if its product or concept or whatever hurts you. Its job is to make money. 

Because here’s the thing- Most people have a part of themselves, however small, that would love to change. Most people would like to be liked, to be needed, to be desired in some capacity. Due to this, a person's self worth is often tied up in some part of themself, often something that is visual, often something that, if given the opportunity, they’d change. 

How does continued hunger relate to mood? 

The concept of being ‘hangry’ is pretty well known. (X). Be hungry long enough, you get physically unwell, and you can unlock a special sort of anger that only comes with being hungry. 

Not just that, but being hungry for extended periods of time can also cause issues with mental clarity (X).

It goes just beyond hangry though. Food and nutrition have long been understood to affect mood and mental well being, though not to the scientific degree able to be achieved today (X) . To summarize as simply as possible- your gut biome, which is dictated largely by your diet, directly impacts mental and physical wellbing. If your gut biome is maintained as it should be, then you overall will have a healthier mental state and overall feel better. If your gut biome is poor, due to undereating or lack of intake of needed nutrients, your biome will start to wither. This will directly impact your mental and physical wellbeing. (X)

I’m not going to dwell on this for terribly long, but I want to bring it up in correlation with the previous two sections because who amongst the Sonic crew is often labeled as being emotionally unstable and prone to moodswings? 

Amy Rose. 

Who is often fingered as having outbursts of volatile anger? 

Amy Rose. 

And who do we see starving themselves in game and working themselves past the point of exhaustion? 

Amy Rose. 

Listen, I confess this one is a bit of a stretch. It’s more of a continuation from the two other points that I sort of wanted to point out. If you can understand the previous arguments for her overworking and underfeeding herself, then this one feels like a natural third component in that and, as such, I felt it should be at least mentioned. 

What I Personally Have Seen in Regards to Eating Disorders in Media while Growing Up.

Thank goodness so much has changed. I remember eating disorders taking up whole episodes in television series, whole issues in comics, whole books in novel series, and it has largely evaporated. The problem is still around, because of course it is, but it is far less of a joke now than it use to be. 

When I was growing up, there were a lot- and I mean a lot- of stories that said, ‘Oh, if you were just a little better, someone would love you. Someone will notice you. If you were prettier, cooler, thinner, buffer, whatever- people would notice you. Someone would love you. Maybe even that specific person you wish could love you back.’ 

‘If you just tried a little harder, maybe it’ll happen.’

And you saw this in the real world, in the marketing, in the fashion, everywhere. Advertisements pushed that if you didn’t fit this very specific, narrow, palatable concept of beauty, then you weren’t worth anyone’s time. 

When this was portrayed in media, it often manifested directly into characters doing insane things to change themselves. Sometimes it was their style of dress, or their personality. Oftentimes, it would manifest in them trying to get buff or be thin.

With a lot of stories, the character often came to the conclusion of, ‘Hey, just be you. You’re good as you- don’t do things to impress other people. Don’t be who you’re not because you feel you have to.’ 

But it was a coinflip as to whether or not the story would prove that to be wrong or true. 

Worse still, even if the lesson was still ‘just be you,’ the whole ordeal was often portrayed as a joke. 

Specifically, women- girls- working out to exhaustion, starving themselves, was portrayed as a joke. 

If the goal of the story was for comedy, and the end had the character revert back to who they were previously, it can usually be put into one of two categories: 

‘How could you be so stupid? How could you believe you ever needed to change? How dumb are you to fall for social pressure like that?’ 

or-

‘How could you be so stupid? How could you believe you could change? You’re not strong enough to change. You’re too you to ever be liked.’  

On that note, let’s back up and return to Amy.

I’m the sort of person that’s got a narrow focus when it comes to Sonic properties. Specifically, if it’s not game canon, it’s not canon to me. 

However, in understanding that other canons exist, other properties within the Sonic universe exist, I won’t ignore them. Even if I don’t think they’re canon, if there is a throughline within, I cannot help but to notice. 

So it’s with this in mind that I ask you: Do you know of Sonic Spin and Dash?

It’s a manga. Put out in the early 00’s, it was a little series of comics that focused on Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Shadow, and Eggman having arbitrary interactions. They’re largely cute and lighthearted. I couldn’t tell you officially what the official age demographic would be for them, but I’d have to guess something fairly young. 

Volume 6 is titled, ‘A Maiden's High-Tech Diet.’ In it, Amy freaks out about having gained 3 kilos/ about 7 pounds. Despite the fact that she’s a growing girl, this deeply upsets her. She asks Tails and Sonic not to eat (in front of her? At all? Unsure.) while she’s trying to diet. Eggman shows up and offers her a solution- a diet machine that will help her achieve the weight and look she wants so deeply. 3 days later, Amy approaches Sonic again. 

She’s emaciated. Wobbling in from off-stage, unable to even speak a sentence without pausing, she asks Sonic if she’s looking thinner. 

Let me rephrase- she’s asking if she looks ‘thin enough’.

Eggman, via his dieting ‘robot’ which really is just a mech he’s hiding inside, asks Amy and co. to perform more insane tasks to weaken them and cause them to be too exhausted to fight him. However, even during this, Amy has other ‘slimming’ products that she’s bought which she uses to defeat Eggman.  

In the end, everyone exhausts Eggman, causing him to give up his scheme and leave. By the end of all of it, he himself is looking thin, having worked off much of his weight in this charade. 

It’s just played off as a joke. 

Alright, but that was early 00’s. How’s Sega been about Amy now? 

Well, this hasn’t really come up in games again, thank goodness. I reiterate- times have changed, and I’m very glad about that. That doesn’t mean this sort of thing is entirely gone, however. This image is from Sonic Channel in 2022 (X).

The image is accompanied by this caption:

---

“Otome Straight!” Emmy is passionate about boxercise , saying it's perfect for dieting

Indoor training on rainy days is perfect! Bouncing the punching bag and working up a good sweat with Emel's support

"Mom, do your best. Ato Sukoshi."

 Let's keep a healthy body with training for the rainy season !

---

Once again, we have this focus on dieting and food reduction. Again, not a bad thing- perfectly normal- but the reason I take pause is because of the crossed out icecream picture. 

@mysuperlaserpiss - I hope you don’t mind, but I wanted to bring up your comment on that initial post I put out.

…Yeah. Yeah, I 100% agree. 

So when conversations around eating disorders comes up, one of the first things to discuss is, ‘what is your relationship to food?’ Essentially, it boils down to: do you see food as fuel and that it is a normal thing to have, or do you see it is something you have to earn/avoid? (X)

Amy beating the shit out of a punching bag sporting a crossed out picture of icecream, talking about dieting, smacks of, ‘you see food as something you have to earn/avoid,’ to me. It’s as simple as that. This appears as though she’s beating the desire for certain foods out of herself. Simply put, that’s not healthy. 

Okay, so what? 

Man, I don’t know.  

I don’t know, alright? I don’t know. 

I’m biased. I was inundated with the idea of ‘you need to be better’ from a young age from all angles. I am strong, but not appealingly buff. I am not what I'd call heavy, but I'm most certainly not appealingly slim and doctors have always bitched about my BMI (which again- terrible system to work off of). Not that long ago, I was hiding weights under my pant legs even in the dead of summer thinking the extra weight on me when I moved about my day would help me burn calories. Not that long ago, I was walking around 30km/18 miles a week on top of doing several hours of intense exercise a week, all while only taking in around only 500 cal a day.  I am constantly combating the idea that i need to deserve to eat, but if I eat, I won’t be loveable. Yeah, I’m doing better- significantly so- but I am a biased, untrustworthy source to write about this and I recognize that. I am biased because I’ve been through it. I am biased because I have lived this very specific, isolating nightmare, and no matter how much better I am now, there are still days where all I can manage is a couple hard boiled eggs and maybe canned low-sodium fish. 

I don’t know what to tell you. All I know is what I’ve been through, and when I look at Amy, when I look at her storylines through the games, I see a portion of me that I never would ever want to see in anyone else.

I see someone desperate to be wanted. I see someone disoriented and angry from lack of food. I see someone hurting themselves thinking it's normal to do so. I see someone trying and trying and trying so hard to fit this idea of ‘perfect’ and falling short.

There’s a lot of conversation right now around Amy’s character. How she was presented in early games vs now is significantly different, so of course it would be a subject of conversation. Sega seems to be trying to bring the characters into a new age, both in terms of the 2020’s and in terms of the characters' age themselves. There are those that say that Amy’s new presentation is due to her becoming older and more mature, while others argue that she’s become a shadow of her former self.  

I can see both sides of the argument. Of course I can- I’ve been with this characters since almost the beginning. Still, when I look at the changes in Amy Rose, when I look at how happy she is, how energetic and content, my knee-jerk reaction isn’t to start wagging fingers. 

It’s just, ‘Ah. Good. She’s eating.’ 

[corvidcrossbow]

Since I made a post about Mother's Day w/ Daryl, I gotta make a Father's Day one too.

For obvious reasons, he didn't like Father's Day (me neither Daryl). It felt insulting to see people celebrating their dads, felt so forced and unfair, stupid even. How come other people got to have fathers who were there for them and cared for them while he didn't? What made him undeserving of that? (Mother's Day was already hard enough when he was young, sitting in class and nearly trembling from how hard he was straining himself to not cry while those around him made cards and talked about their plans for the weekend with their moms) So he tried to push the existence of the holiday out of his mind.

Fatherhood was never something he pictured. Even when the hypothetical idea of kids crossed his mind, he was sure it would never be plausible: he'd just follow footsteps and end up some doped up abusive deadbeat as well. Although he never pictured an apocalypse with the undead either, and that pushed the idea of fatherhood even further into a realm of impossibility.

So both those happening, and someone as perfect as you being directly involved in it, was leagues outside his imagination.

The first Father's Day after your child was born was rough. He enjoyed how the collapse of society made people lose track of the dates, too occupied with survival to care about minor things like this. But with the stability Alexandria provided, over time celebrations reintegrated into routines, this included, and he was not fond of the reminder.

He didn't mention the day at all leading up to it, or of, continuing his ignorance and hoping it'd slip your mind. He knew it wouldn't: you were too attentive and appreciative of him to miss any excuse to celebrate and congratulate him no matter the context.

But you threaded lightly, knowing it'd be touchy and let most the day pass by as any other would, just being extra sweet on him. You never wished him a ‘Happy Father's Day’, instead when you were going to bed that night thanking him for being a father, for everything he did for you and your daughter and how good he was at it.

He ended up just breaking down, falling apart in your hold and attempting to bury himself in you the same way he tried to bury so much else.

The next couple years were largely similar; little acknowledgement to the day, but extra acknowledgements to him. It was your daughter that started to make it more distinctive. A little older now, she saw the other kids in the community making little gifts and cards for their fathers the same way they did for mothers on the respective day. Even those who didn't have dads made them in memoriam.

So of course she did it too, she loved her daddy and did those things all the time anyway. Why not do it when it's even more special? She didn't even tell you about it, secretly assembling it all herself.

You shared Daryl's surprise when she presented her crafts, repeatedly saying the token phrase you'd held off from using. He was mostly frozen for a moment, trying to just see her and this singular day rather than previous decades of Father's Day's that came before, all negatively tinted and crossed out from his personal calendar.

He accepted it all, and her innocent recognition of the holiday's purpose. Though the urge flared up in some part of him, he couldn't shut her down. She meant well, and wasn't to blame for his rocky relationship with the day and his own father. He wouldn't create reason for her to despise the holiday too, and how could be cold to the human embodiment of sunshine while her toothy smile was beaming at him?

He put her to bed that evening, spending an extra while stroking her hair and admiring how peaceful she looked while sleeping. Despite the state of the world, she had the privilege to not only sleep, but feel safe while doing so. And he's what allowed that; gave her that.

She got to feel safe from all the horrors he'd seen: the walkers, blood, guts, violence, death, immorality, all the disturbing things about life that were amplified by the apocalypse.

But more importantly, she felt safe with him.

She got to excitedly jump on him while he was still asleep in the morning, roll around and shake him till he finally got up. She got to play with him in the dirt while out in the yard, or sit him down with jewelry and accessories surrounded by stuffed animals and toy dinnerware. She got to chase him around and bombard him with curious questions and learn everything she could from him.

She got to make messes and break things, make mistakes, and know he'd always help her clean or fix them.

She got to show her emotions and be a kid and cry, and know he would always hold and soothe her, wipe away her tears and do anything to make sure she was okay.

And she never knew a different response. She never knew the yelling or insults, the degradation, the mockery, the beatings and burnings and whippings. She got to fall asleep by her father's side, lulled to rest by his comforting voice, be in the most vulnerable state a person could be, and know that the last thing he would ever do was hurt her; the idea – the worry – of him hurting her did not exist in her mind.

Daryl'd crumbled to tears by the time he returned to you that night, collapsing into your arms the way he did every time the reality of being a parent hit him. He would never truly understand how he got to this point in life, how every unfathomable thing – good and bad – had genuinely occurred and this is what was real.

From the instant you found out you were pregnant, he'd promised you, promised himself, and promised his child he would always be the father he'd wanted, that he'd deserved, that his kid deserved and that every child deserves. He healed his own childhood by assuring his daughter'd have a good one, and that he'd be regarded as a good part of it.

She made Father's Day something that could actually be ‘happy’ for him.

The daddy issues hit a little too hard while writing this

I fr don't know where the last week of my life went I just remember watching Lost 🗿

[endofthelinepal107]

sukuna - a deal with the devil pt. 3/3

{a good old-fashioned timeskip. where do you and the king of curses stand a year after your alliance?} 3.6k words

part one + part two + part three

notes: he's even softer, definitely OC sukuna at this point but who cares i'm delusional

warnings: cursing, nudity (no smut)

tags: @missroro + @doodle-cat16

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

"Guess what day it is today."

Sukuna glanced over at you. He was working out on the lounge floor while you were on the phone. He'd figured out a few minutes ago that you were talking to Satoru. 

"What? No!" You laughed. "It's mine and Sukuna's anniversary!"

Sukuna stopped at the peak of a push up, eyebrows furrowing. For a split second, he was unsure if he had missed some social cue along the way that should have told him he was courting you. In this modern age, relationships moved much faster than he remembered from during his lifetime. Not that he'd had much experience courting back then, either. He was too busy murdering everyone he saw to bother with anything more personal.

"Our meeting-a-versary!"

Sukuna sighed and went back to his push ups. Phew. He was grateful for that. Not that he would have minded that revelation all that much. He doubted it would change much about your relationship anyway.

"Our dynamic is not weird, 'toru."

Sukuna sat up and leaned back on his hands, chest rising and falling as he caught his breath. Your dynamic kind of was weird, though. He knew you knew that. Both of you tried pretty hard not to think about it. There was more leniency from the others with him, but not very much. You were still expected to be together all of the time. That meant that, apart from the rare occasions you'd managed to convince Sukuna and someone else to coexist for a few hours so you could go do something private, you had just been together. Sukuna knew you better than people that had known you for years, and you knew things about him that nobody would ever know.

"Ugh, do you have t- No, we don't!" You crossed your arms, pouting at your phone as though Satoru could see you through it. Sukuna watched you with a tiny smile. "What? Well- No, I mean, we do still share a bed, but- No, it's not-" You let out a groan. "Satoru, if you say one more thing about 'kuna, I'm going to hang up the phone." There was a brief pause. Then you leaned forward and hung up. You scowled.

Sukuna cleared his throat. He always liked how he could get your attention so easily now. Not because it made him feel powerful, but because it confirmed that you did care for him like he cared for you, despite the singularity of your situation.

"More questions?" He asked, as though he hadn't been eavesdropping the whole time.

You hummed. "Yeah. They're all so nosy. You'd think by now they'd have.." You trailed off, unsure of how to finish that sentence. You knew why people had so much to say about your relationship with Sukuna. So did he.

"Learned not to ask?" Sukuna supplied.

You nodded, standing up and pulling a water bottle out of the fridge. "Exactly. Even if they do think it's weird, it's our business, right?" You walked over to him, dropping the bottle in his lap.

Sukuna opened it and chugged half before he stuck his hand out. You helped him up. It was more of a symbolic help because you couldn't shift his body if you tried with all your might. You didn't mind, though. He let you do it and that meant something.

He nodded in agreement to your words, sauntering towards the bathroom. "Should tell them all to fuck off."

You laughed. "Why is that your solution so often nowadays?"

"Because I got him to lower his infinity one time and you still won't let me near him." Sukuna shot you a pointed look, one that was meant to say 'let me beat him up' but really said 'you should stick up for yourself more.' And then he was closing the bathroom door.

You walked into the bedroom, changing into your pyjamas and then settling into the pillows. Satoru's words weren't anything new, but they still rattled around your brain. 

You knew it was strange for you and Sukuna to have never stopped sharing a bed. His funds had been in your bank for a long time now. The number was so high that you literally couldn't fathom it. You could've bought a bed. You could've bought a million beds made of gold. Sukuna should've insisted on it; he was the King of Curses, he shouldn't have been sharing a bed with a mere sorcerer. Especially not because of an agreement that was made all that time ago, which barely crossed your mind nowadays.

But you still woke up every morning intertwined. Usually, he was on top of you, his body draped over yours in a way that was simultaneously pulling you closer and keeping anything from disturbing you. And you liked the closeness, just like you knew he liked it, even if neither of you had ever said so.

Sukuna finished in the shower and dried himself off, padding into the bedroom in his robe. He turned off the light and climbed into the bed without a word. He rolled onto his side, reaching out until his hand found your body. His fingers dug into your waist and he gave you a tug towards him.

"Mm." You hummed and shuffled closer, letting him pull you flush against him. His body shifted so that he was partly covering you. You fell asleep.

Nothing disturbed him until the middle of the night. Sukuna opened his eyes enough to see that it was still dark and then snapped them closed again, moving to pull you closer. When he realised his arms were empty, a genuine sense of panic set in.

He took a deep breath, barely stopping himself from lashing out at the closest thing. Blind rage wasn't his style these days. He slowly rose to his feet and made his way through the house, eyes roaming the darkness until he saw you.

You were sitting on the couch, very still. You were nestled into the corner and you looked dazed, but clearly upset. Sukuna walked over and sat beside you.

For a moment, he was unsure of what to do. Even after all this time together, those few minutes before and after sleep were the only ones that held any kind of physical affection. Besides hitting each other, neither of you ever really showed it. Even then, it was usually him hitting you. He liked it, because he liked how you always reacted and he liked the reminder of how he'd learned to soften himself a little so that he could be playful with someone.

When you shuffled over to him and curled into his side, he was surprised. Surprised that he hadn't had time to think of what he was going to do, surprised that it was you that initiated the contact. Surprised that you wanted it.

His hands found your hips and he effortlessly lifted you up, resting you in his lap. His strong arms wrapped around you. He felt you stiffen for a second, just as taken aback as he was by his actions. Then you nestled your face into his neck and held him back.

Sukuna held you in silence for a while. He knew that quiet contact was what you were seeking, so he let you have it. He found himself strangely grateful that he could offer this comfort to you. Knowing someone intimately enough to know what they needed wasn't something he'd ever seen for himself before he knew you, let alone being trusted enough to actually implement it.

"What's wrong?" Sukuna murmured in your ear after a good few minutes had passed.

You sighed, leaning back so that you could see him but stay in his lap. "I can't sleep."

"Why?"

"I found out there's a secret execution out for both of us. I-I was going to tell you in the morning."

Sukuna very nearly laughed. Almost. "That's it? That's all it is?"

You looked at him completely seriously. "I'm not worried that you're going to die, I'm not stupid."

"What, then?" He asked.

You hesitated, then muttered, "I'm scared that they're going to turn their backs on us, and then all of this won't be worth anything to you, and you'll toss it all aside- toss me aside- and I'll lose you. That the agreement won't be important anymore and then none of this time together will matter."

Sukuna was stunned. Genuinely stunned, just like he had been on that very first day he'd met you.

You really cared that deeply about him? And he'd really doubted that you did?

He forced himself to mutter some normal responses.

"I'll kill anyone that tries to touch you, let alone harm a hair on your head. You are stronger than those pathetic sorcerers that would dare to do such a thing. I will split the world into pieces before they get the chance. The entirety of the jujutsu world is nothing compared to the power that you and I hold. You have the force of an empire at your behest, because I will not turn my back on you."

Normal responses for him, anyway.

You listened to him quietly, looking at him as he spoke. Sukuna's words were always slightly alarming, but you'd learned to see the comfort in them. He never lied. You knew that, to him, his strength was the greatest thing he could offer you. And so it was the greatest comfort when he goes on his little murderous tirades the moment you present him with a new target.

In the face of your attentive quiet, Sukuna found himself drifting away from the topic slightly. "It truly astonishes me that, after all that you've done for the jujutsu world, it could still turn its back on you. You have sacrificed so much. I told you it wasn't worth it and that they didn't deserve your energy, yet you continued to prioritise their collective welfare over your own. This is the price that you get for that goodness." His voice grew an edge as he grew more and more angry. "You should be good. I admire that you're good. It infuriates me when that's thrown in your face. It's something I would do, why are those self-righteous sorcerers doing it?"

A look of genuine anger crossed your face. Sukuna stopped talking, unsure of what he said that would make you mad.

"No, 'kuna, that's not the kind of thing you would do," you frowned. "You would never do that. You'd be more inclined to kill me directly. You wouldn't stoop to that low of throwing my effort back in my face, by encouraging people that I know, friends, to kill me."

And then Sukuna was getting angrier. "Don't say that," he growled. "Don't you dare use words like 'kill' and 'you' in the same fucking sentence when you're speaking to me."

Both of you glared at each other like petulant children. Slowly, the silence lengthened and then shifted as you realised that neither of you were angry for an actual reason anymore. Your eyes met his and you realised that he'd come to the same realisation.

You cracked first. You always did when it came to things like this. Despite your best effort to keep pouting, a giggle broke free.

At the first sign of your smile, Sukuna's anger completely disappeared. He was so obviously delighted to see you happy that it made your heart hurt. His arms wrapped around you and he held you close, chin resting on your shoulder.

He was so grateful. Grateful, grateful, grateful.

Your arms wrapped around him too, as tightly as you could. Sukuna always liked it when you held him. That was why you always woke up with him in your arms.

But he only had to pull back slightly to know that you were still upset about the execution. He gazed down at you for a few seconds, and then made his mind up. He would love you. That would make you feel better, if he could just figure out which demonstration of his love was the right one.

When Sukuna thought about how he loved you, he didn't think about telling you in some romantic gesture: I've always loved you, my darling angel. He didn't think about sweeping you off your feet with a kiss, holding your trembling body against his as he pulled soft gasps from your lips. Both thoughts made him smile.

No, that wasn't what Sukuna's love looked like.

He had hold of your hips again. He stood up, with you still attached, then set you on your feet. His hand slid into yours and he pulled you into the kitchen. Without an explanation, he pottered around the small space, pouring out your current favourite drink.

Then, when it was safely in your hands, he found the phone and started to play your music, the songs that he'd noticed you listening to most recently. He watched you like a hawk as you gratefully sipped your drink. But, when you smiled at him, he shook his head.

He turned and switched the oven on, found the cookbook, and tugged you over.

"Bake."

You looked taken aback, but you could see that he was serious, even if you didn't understand why. Dutifully, you began to mix a cookie batter. Sukuna hovered behind you the entire time. When you slid the cookies out of the oven, he switched into his true form, giving you no time to adjust to something you'd only seen a few times in the whole year you'd been together, and sat down on the floor. You were pulled firmly into his lap so that you could comfortably eat your cookie near the heat of the oven.

He watched you, even when you finally noticed how fierce his gaze was and looked up. He let you feed him a piece of your cookie, letting out a pleased hum of approval. Sukuna smiled when that soft interaction made you more happy than the whole process of baking had.

But you weren't better yet.

Sukuna stood up, changing back into his normal form, but keeping you in his arms. He carried you into the bathroom and started to pour out a bath. When he noticed you looking for the soap, he caught your wrist and tugged you to his side.

"Don't do anything."

You were confused, but you did as he asked, watching curiously as he pulled out a small box from the top of the linen closet. "What's that?"

"I was saving it," he murmured, opening it and letting you see inside.

It was full of special shampoos, conditioners, soaps, and bath bombs. He was saving it only partly because he knew a time would come for them. Mostly because he had never figured out quite how to explain that he knew your favourite smells and what would work in your hair or with your skin.

He was so busy checking that everything was fine that it wasn't until he turned to you to ask you to check the water temperature that he realised you were looking at him with something in your eyes that he didn't think he'd ever seen before.

You didn't give him a chance to ask about it. You stepped up to him and gave him a tight hug. He could tell that you were putting as much force into it as you physically could, so he didn't laugh when he effortlessly held you tighter. He held you close until you tipped your head back to look at him.

"Will you help me?"

Sukuna nodded, fingers sliding to your collar. He unbuttoned your shirt deftly, then slid it down your arms. He folded it and put it on the nearest surface, then gently pulled your shorts down your legs. He set that down too. Then he was inhaling the scent of your hair as he leaned over you, his fingers unclasping your bra. He was bending slightly so that he could hook his fingers in your panties and pull them down.

In the back of his mind, it registered that this was the first time he'd ever seen you this exposed. It was the first time he'd touched you here, seen you there. But it didn't really feel like a first time. It felt like this was normal, like it wasn't a big deal for him to do this. Like you had always been his in this way, and he had always been yours in this way.

His warm hands were on you as you climbed into the bath. One on your hip, feeling the curve of your waist, and the other on your wrist, both making sure that you were safe and not in any danger of slipping. 

He might have nearly laughed at the prospect of a secret execution coming close to harming you, but the idea of you hurting yourself normally plagues him every day. There've been hundreds of times that he's insisted he use his RCT on you for little scrapes that you've gotten. Hundreds of times that you've had the same discussion where he's insisted that you're careless with yourself and you've said you're just clumsy and he's called you a stupid idiot and you've shut him up with a bright smile and an I've got you to help, though, right?

Sukuna watched you warily as he let go of you. He waited as you slid all the way under the water, staying under for a few seconds before sliding back up. His hands were on your face before you even had a chance to lift your own, thumbs swiping away the water from your eyes and brushing your hair out of your face. When you looked up at him, face clear of water, Sukuna finally looked relieved. This was the thing that helped, then. This was the part of his love that would make you happier and less stressed.

But that wasn't enough for him. He wanted happy, not happier.

He pushed his robe over his shoulders, letting it hang around his waist. Then he walked around behind you, sinking to his knees on the tiled floor. Without a word, he reached for your head, silently insisting on doing your hair for you. Neither of you spoke for a while. He ran the shampoo and conditioner through, then began to brush your hair. 

"You've gotten so good at managing it," you mumbled, eyes closed happily.

Sukuna grunted. "Managing what?"

"Your force. It doesn't hurt when you're doing something like brushing my hair, but it used to hurt when you even laid a hand on my arm."

He smiled, glad to hear you say it. He'd already known he had improved a lot, but it felt worth so much more to hear it from your lips.

He finished with your hair. The next step seemed obvious, but he had the awareness that, no matter how intimate this all seemed, he couldn't go further without murmuring something.

Quietly, he said, "I'll bathe your body now."

"Okay."

That soft, mumbled agreement made his heart swell. He rose to his feet and found your hand under the water, pulling you to your feet. You let out a soft protest as he made you stand up in the bath. His warm hands on your skin eased the chill almost right away.

Sukuna focussed incredibly hard. He had to make sure that he did this right, that he treated your body with the reverence he believed it deserved. That his soapy hands graced every part of your soft, blemished skin. That nothing he did hurt you.

And his intense concentration meant that he failed to notice the way that you were watching him again. This time, because you'd recognised the look in his eyes, and you were admiring the way that his hands looked against your skin.

"Happy?" You chuckled after a while. Your teasing voice broke him out of his reverie.

He looked up, smiling slightly. "Yes. Are you?"

"Mhm." You slid back into the water, letting out a content sigh. 

Sukuna wasn't really surprised when your hand found his wrist and tugged. Nor, when your pretty lips parted with a soft question.

"Will you get in, Sukuna?"

He nodded. His hand slipped out of yours so that he could loosen his robe and let it fall completely. He nudged you forwards and then climbed into the tub behind you. Sukuna rested his hands on your hips, but he let you be the one to decide whether or not you slid back or not. When you did, he wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his head in your neck.

"D'you want me to wash you?" You asked.

His reply came out like an admonishment. "No, foolish woman. You're the one that needed comforting. Stop trying to do things for everyone else all the time. Be selfish. Have you no self-respect?"

He was lucky that you knew him and his favouritism well enough to just smile over your shoulder at him.

All of the times he'd thought oh, shit to himself converged. He stared at your content smile, at the soft way you looked at him. And everything aligned in his mind and, this time, he just said it out loud.

"Oh, shit."

You looked at him in confusion, then laughed. "What?"

"You're beautiful," Sukuna stated simply. "You fill the gaps that I can't fill myself. You're the one that's meant to be by my side."

When your smile broadened and you leaned back into him again, he didn't mind that it took you a while to reply. He didn't feel nervous. Sukuna knew for certain that you understood him and you understood the weight and sincerity in his words. He didn't have any fear that you were something he could lose this way. The only thing he could lose you to was death, and he'd already begun making sure that wouldn't happen.

When your reply came, it was all he'd really wanted to hear.

"'Sukuna?"

"Mm."

"I love you."

"I know. I love you."

"I know."

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

he's softer than melting ice cream but i can't help it I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!! i hope you guys don't mind sappy sukuna, i'm planning to write something a little less OC soon. that's the final part to this series!

[eoieopda]

If you’re interested in writing it, I would love to read a part two of “the one with Chan and the promotion”! It’s so sweet and cute and I go back to it when I feel sad or sick and just want someone to take care of me lol.

aw, i’m so glad you liked it! here’s part two ✨

the one with chan and the promotion pt. ii

you needed a ride home after getting your wisdom teeth removed. chan just so happened to be free.

pairing: bang chan x gn!reader type: drabble (fluff, hurt/comfort), ongoing au: fuck buddies to ? rating: 18+ — minors do not have my consent to interact with me or my work. wc: 1.3k cw: reader’s pov this time!; no smut but it’s referenced due to the nature of their relationship; reader had outpatient dental surgery (not depicted); reference to blood/swelling, no gendered language used. a/n: this is a continuation of this drabble, which @moni-logues requested last year. in order for things to make sense, please read pt. i first! as of 8/5/24, part iii has been posted, per request. navigation. skz permanent taglist. multi permanent taglist. request rules.

Upon waking up, the first thing you do is take inventory.

The list of things you don’t have is the longer of the two: four of the teeth you initially left home with, a blanket on top of you, your bearings, or any substantial memory of the how and when you got back to your apartment.

What you do have is a pair of slippers on your feet where your shoes used to be and a hand in yours, warming your palm. Bleary-eyed, you stare down at the five fingers interlocked with yours while your brain scrambles to load. It doesn’t. You swear you hear the Windows XP error noise sounding off in the back of it when your eyes flick up and find Chan’s closed, fluttering ever so slightly as he sleeps.

You don’t mean to voice your surprise out loud, especially not above a whisper, but it slips past lips still buzzing as sensation returns. “Christ!”

Chan doesn’t startle, which doesn’t necessarily surprise you. His roommate, who you’ve heard tell of but never met, is apparently prone to sudden shouting, apropos of nothing. He does stir, though, just slightly. 

“No,” he mumbles without opening his eyes. Though he doesn’t witness the quizzical look you give him, he must suspect your confusion, nonetheless. Stifling a satisfied, albeit sleepy chuckle, he jokes, “My English name is pronounced Chris.”

It’s then that his eyes crack open, taking you in immediately and softly, pupils dilating. He’s never looked at you like that before. You don’t know what to do with it. 

Flustered, you divert your gaze to your hands the way you always do, only to find that one of his is still holding one of yours. You don’t know what to do with that, either. To cover the fact that you don’t know what to say, you clear your throat, hoping the words will materialize after a bit of stalling. They don’t.

Chan, noticing your preoccupation, interjects and sits upright next to you on top of your still-tucked-in comforter. “Oh.”

He retracts his hand. A sheepish smile spreads in tandem with a flush of red across his cheeks and neck, so heated with embarrassment you can almost feel it from several centimeters away. 

“Had a hell of a time getting you through the door and getting your shoes untied,” he starts, laughing awkwardly.

Oh, indeed.

You’d asked Chan to drive you; called him specifically for that singular task because your other, closer friends — the ones who haven’t seen you naked — don’t. On top of their collective lack of licensure, you know them all too well to trust any one of them with wrangling a highly medicated person on public transit. You’d be a liability in and of yourself; your chaperone couldn’t be a disaster, too.

Going into this, you’d believed that Chan had his shit together well enough to get you from Point A to Point B in one piece. You were right. He did, and even though he could have, he didn’t stop there. Not only did Chan get you inside, but he also swapped your shoes for slippers to avoid dragging dirt into your apartment.

He rubs the back of his neck, continuing, “You — uh — well, you wouldn’t let go after I corralled you in here.” The hand fussing with the hair at his nape gestures vaguely around your bedroom, which he’s seeing in sunlight for the first time ever, not unlike the way he’s witnessing you.

Once again, you search for words and come up with none. 

There was no expectation of gratitude motivating his powerfully quiet act of kindness. Clearly, he didn’t expect to still be here while you napped off the lingering fog from the anesthesia. But he is here.

“I must have quite the grip when I’m high,” you manage to offer. 

A way to ask without truly asking: Why are you still here?

Chan snorts, then he shakes his head while he answers, “Nah, you moved like you were made of jelly. I just didn’t want you to cry again.”

Somewhere, a record scratches. Your eyes go wide, expression otherwise withheld to keep your shock and mortification to yourself. 

Again?

Vulnerability isn’t a thing you do. It took all you had to ask for his help in the first place. You’d rather drop dead on the ground than cry in front of anyone, let alone the person you keep at arm’s length and still sleep with on a recurring basis. Absolutely not. There’s no fucking way. 

“What?” You croak. Almost as embarrassing as the crying, your dried-out throat and the hoarseness of your voice leave your face burning. You clear your throat again. It doesn’t make a difference. “Why did I cry? Pain?”

Fuck, you hope so. You pray for some yet unknown, minor surgical complication that would justify this uncharacteristic crack in your armor. For some excuse you can lean on.

“Worms,” Chan chirps with a shrug, as if that explanation truly explains anything.

You balk. “I would never cry over seeing a worm. It didn’t even rain this week; there wouldn’t be any on the sidewalk.”

He clamps his lips together for a moment, like he’s steeling himself, trying not to laugh in your face. You appreciate the gesture, kind of. Rather, you would — if he had a better poker face. The one looking back at you instead looks fully endeared, which makes you more embarrassed than his laughter ever could.

“I ran into the pharmacy to grab your pain meds, and when I came back to the car, you were sobbing. I was freaking out, thinking you were hurt or something, but no.” His grin comes at full force. “You were scared that worms may not have best friends.”

Oh, my god.

“Oh, my god,” you groan, this time out-loud. Instinctively, you drop your burning cheeks into your hands, hissing in pain the second they settle. You jerk backwards, yelping, “Oh, my god.”

Proving his attentiveness in real time, Chan shifts closer quickly, like a starting gun has been fired. His hands encircle your wrist gently, prompting you to look at him. Once he has your attention, his eyes scan your face in search of visible injury. A triage of sorts. Worry evident, he checks in: “You good?”

Yes, and no.

Yes, your gums are especially sore now that you’ve put excess pressure on them; but no, there isn’t a mouthful of blood hiding behind your tightly pursed lips.

Yes, you feel safe and cared for with him here; but no, you’re not fucking used to it, and it’s making your blurry brain spin. 

How are you supposed to answer that question? You don’t even know which one he’s really asking. Before you say a word, you take inventory again.

What you have is Chan in your bedroom while the sun is still up, fully clothed and above the sheets. He’s here because when he tried to leave, he gave into your small act of subconscious resistance, too afraid of upsetting you. He stayed. He’d witnessed you cry about worms, and he stayed — perfectly still at your side long enough to fall asleep.

What you have is medication to deal with the pain you just exacerbated because Chan went out of his way to pick it up from the pharmacy.

What you have is heart palpitations, a different type of nerves blooming when you realize that dispelling his worry now will result in him taking his reactive touch away.

What you don’t have is the strength of will to lie to someone who looks at you the way Chan currently is, like he may not be able to breathe correctly unless and until he knows you’re okay.

“Yeah,” you eventually sigh. “I am. I’m good.”

In fact, you’re even better when he and his hands choose — once again — to stay.

pt. iii

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[myjealouseyes]

Request from an anon: can you please!! do an argument one pls where the reader ends up crying or Harry’s mad at her its probably like not their first argument but the biggest one tysm 🎀

A/N— hello Nonnie! I’m not sure if this is what you had in mind (if it’s way off please feel free to request again.) but they do argue and reader does cry. The argument is about reader going horcrux hunting even though that’s not directly stated. One singular use of ‘y/n’ (sorry.)

You can send a request here.

“Oh for fucksake, y/n! Why won’t you just listen this one time?!”

If you weren’t so angry, you’d flinch at the harshness in his tone. Harry had never cussed at you before. Harry didn’t even like raising his voice at you usually. As selfish as it is, you want to hold it against him. Even if you’d yelled at him too. Your hands are shaking as you continue stuffing your small-ish bag with things you’re not even paying attention to anymore. “I’m said, I’m going.” You can guess how he’s going to respond before he even gets the chance to speak, and that pisses you off most.

“You’re not! It’s too dangerous, and I have enough to worry about without having to look over my shoulder for you every other second!” He snaps at you hastily. You clutch your bag before tossing it back to the bed and glaring at him. You can’t help but feel like his enemy right now, although that was far from the truth. You know you love him. Usually, it would make you sick to argue with the person you care about more than anything but the determination and frustration festering in your stomach keeps you from backing down.

“You don’t get to tell me what’s ‘too dangerous!’ I’m just as capable as the rest of you!” You know it’s low of you, bringing his friends into it after he’d done the careful work of avoiding the subject for weeks. Harry scoffs, his next words coming out in exasperated and somewhat sarcastic laughter. “This isn’t about being capable! I know you’re capable! It’s just—I don’t want you to come!”

“Why not?!”

“Because I don’t want you hurt!”

Your breath hitches and suddenly you don’t feel so confident in your stance anymore. Your shoulders as a lump forms in your throat. Your glare softens into something of a sympathetic stare. Harry’s losing some of his attitude too.

“The idea of watching you in pain or worse is—it’s the worst thing I can imagine. I can’t lose anyone else.” In a split second all your resolve crumbles between your fingers. You feel tears slide down your face as you pull him into the tightest hug you’ve ever given. You can’t be sure what you can do to make it better, or even if you can. All you know is that he needs you.