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the-down-upside-finch · 7 months

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@my-cursed-prince I'm making a separate post about this because I might explode if I don't start ferally rambling

First of all. If you're interested in religious stuff in fiction (trauma or otherwise) I am happy to tell you that I once did a workshop (I was the "presenter") on how to create and build fantasy/general fiction religions. I'm probably a bit rusty on that info now, but it's something I still consider myself well-versed with haha

Anyways, gonna ramble:

RELIGIOUS TRAUMA MY DEAR FRIEND... Most of my stories have a dose of this because they say write what you know, and my religious background consists of me being one religion, attending the church of a different religion, and living in a place where basically everyone is of ANOTHER different religion. (Fun fact, my roommate once ranted to me about how she wasn't part of a cult and proceeded to convince me that she actually is part of a cult.)

OKAY SO. While religion isn't necessarily part of the main plot in Pentad of Un, it does come up frequently! In chapter 22, I go a bit overboard on providing information about one of the religions in the world (Abvolism) because it was actually a meta joke at one point and I just never changed it aduhsfdshfdgsiu so yeah. I think it also comes up a bit towards the end of chapter 6, but it's mostly just an introduction to the different beliefs that Adif, Jelro, and Shayrow have.

The cult that's brought up in chapter 30 doesn't get covered very in-depth thus far in the story (and I'm not sure if it ever will be relevant enough for that), but I do have some notes on it in terms of what they believe in and whatnot. The short of it is that it's a cult of merfolk that follow the old practices of accepting "sacrifices" (ships and whatnot) to take to the ruler of the Depths, who is referred to as "Bythsos" in Merrow languages. Basically, Hell is at the bottom of the ocean and merfolk in this cult sacrifice souls to make sure they aren't getting yoinked out of existence.

Faith plays a HUGE role in Stained Integrity, but it's a little different here because having faith in The Astrals (Stell, Lune, and Sol) and The Wyrds (Spinner, Allotter, and Inevitable) is literally known as "the faith" because there isn't much else that anyone worships.

BUT THERE IS A VERY DANGEROUS CULT!

They are known as "Destringers" for the way that the claim that they can escape fate by "taking control of their thread." For context, "thread" and "life" are used interchangeably in this world, as Spinner creates each soul's life-thread, Allotter decides how long each thread will be, and Inevitable cuts the thread when it's time for a life to end.

Destringers preach the idea that your life can be separated from the thread, meaning that you choose when you die and are not bound by "fate." Yes, they claim that you can be immortal... for a small price.

The faith itself has two main categories, for lack of a better word. For general services and worship, the temple cousins and contemplatives give orisons (prayers) to both The Astrals and The Wyrds. Some temples are standalone, while others double as covensteads where practitioners of astral magic train and provide their skills to anyone in need of their services (such as healing magic).

There are also standalone covensteads, since practicing magic is not necessarily tied to being of the faith, although they are connected.

As it stands in this world, "practitioner" almost always denotes that the individual is female. A man practicing magic is so "abnormal" that it creates this vicious cycle where men don't want to practice magic, so practitioners remain mostly female, and so on. (Please bear with me, as this is an extremely complex circumstance of this world that gets fleshed out and addressed in the story.)

But there is a whole additional layer to the faith: the Diviner, and the Astral Weapons.

The Diviner is considered by some as the last/only descendant from The Astrals, and they alone have the power of prophetic sight. (I'm still working on some of the nitpicky lore.) They are the one that chooses the Astral Weapons: Stell's Spear, Sol's Bow, and Lune's Blade. (Basically, the Diviner chooses a successor each time one of these individuals nears the end of their thread.)

The Astral Weapons are each gifted with power from whichever of The Astrals that they wield the weapon of, and they're supposed to use their power to maintain balance across the lands. They aren't necessarily considered deities or anything, but because they directly represent The Astrals and Their will, they are usually regarded as a higher power of sorts.

...I kind of went off-topic but yeah. I'm super big on this kind of worldbuilding, and you'll definitely see the effects that religion has on the characters in my stories.

#Zeta Rambles #About the OCs #Pentad of Un #Stained Integrity Series #YOU DEFINITELY DON'T HAVE TO READ ALL OF THIS. I JUST WANTED TO RAMBLE ABOUT IT #I will gladly make a more coherent explanation of how the hierarchies work and whatnot but I was already veering way off topic haha #Long Post

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wereshrew-admirer · 2 years

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do you have any advice on how to get better at backgrounds? I’ve always really loved how you do them (particularly ones in natural settings with lots of trees and foliage and whatnot—I remember being so impressed when you were posting wips of your hieron art for the f@tt pinup zine because you were painting individual leaves)

I struggle with them so much that they’re not fun, and I’m never motivated to practice because, well, they’re not fun 😅 I think my biggest problems are making characters look like they’re actually In An Environment, and knowing how much detail to include or leave out, and you seem to be really good at both those things. I would take literally any advice about any aspect of bg painting that you might have though, even if it’s just like. pointing me to a book or a youtube tutorial lol

i think... the most accessibly practical suggestion i have for putting bodies in environments is to draw in layers - as in, if part of a body is hidden? draw it. make sure you're accounting for every limb even when you can't see it, and while you're doing that, think about how something would feel rather than what it would look like.

i see a lot of advice that's "think about how it looks and not how it works" and maybe that is better for composition (i have NO art education, no qualifications to speak on that) - but i suggest thinking about how things feel, physically. you don't have to know about all the bones in a body, you just have to think about how it would feel to be in that environment and in that position.

i want to put a body at x angle, and it looks fine… but what's that hidden arm doing? does it have enough space to fit comfortably between those bodies or against that rock? could i hold my weight up like that? how long could i hold my weight up like that? if im trying to depict a relaxed scene, then thinking about how comfortable something is is essential - environmentally that includes … how many sticks are on the ground? sure the pose would work inside, but would there be rocks or sticks that suddenly make putting weight there painful? if yes then i need to either change the pose or set up the environment in a way that justifies it (and so i have to think, are they on moss (and if so then now i've got to set up an environment where thick moss might grow) or are they in a sheltered place that would have less fallen sticks (now i have to add overhangs or visibly cleared ground or or or)?

other than that.. trial and error. measure twice cut once? eyeball it and cut ten times and by the end of it you'll have a decent understanding of what range of measurements work and why.... i'm the artistic equivalent of those (bad) jokes about men never asking for directions, so unfortunately i don't have any easy resources (i'll google when i can't figure out how to get something to work in a program (and then inevitably learn that i've been doing things a roundabout hard way the whole time) but that's about it).. both while making the art and how i'm existing in space… if i hadn't put myself in so many uncomfortable situations i wouldn't know how painful it is to sit against a rigid curved surface, how likely i was to slide down a hill with x amount of leaves on it, etc etc)

#hey hi hello #ask box #useless art advice sorry

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clamityganon · 3 years

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hal jordan construct character!!!! yeeeeeesssss !!!!

YES he’s got so much potential!!! i’m sorry this took me so long to answer but i wanted a chance to just. spit out some thoughts i’ve been letting stew in my brain for a few months.

quick disclaimer: i am in no way a super intense hal fan or a major authority on hal, so if there are some inconsistencies i hope you forgive me because currently the only source i have right now is my galactic brain and a few panels i did a few quick searches for.

okay and one last thing before i tell you my takes and whatnot: i took a 36 question ASVAB (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery) practice test online at 3:30ish am to see if one of my points was on the right track and now the us military wants me to enlist. [update: i’ve come back literally a year later to edit some points and my clunky writing and guess what? the US military is still trying to get me to enlist. i might as well sign up at this point.]

let’s start at the beginning:

harold “hal” jordan as a little boy was traumatized for life after watching his father die in a plane crash.

you’d think that since something that terrible happened to someone so important to him, he’d avoid planes or anything that flies at all costs, right? well, no. even though he’s absolutely terrified of flying planes, he enrolled into the academy and became a military test pilot to follow his father’s footsteps. he actually showed up at the door on his 18th birthday before it opened against his mother’s wishes. and he does this because he wants to carry on his father’s legacy.

that sort of trauma coming with seeing your own parent getting killed never really goes away (exhibit a: batman) and from what i’ve read (i’m gonna be honest here: i have never actually read a green lantern comic before) it’s not often touched on in the JLA stuff? i think it’ll make some awesome plot material and a dramatic addition into stories, just the stuff comic fans eat up. why not write about hal jordan being traumatized and obviously covering it up with bad jokes. everybody around him gets this weird feeling that something’s up, but they don’t know how to touch on it because they don’t know where to start. and every time things get “serious” he manages to defuse the seriousness with a few well-placed (albeit bad) jokes.

this guy might be silently panicking in cockpits because suddenly he’ll get a flash of his father in the reflection of the windshield. hal’s inner monologue going something something all machines wear down at some point and there’s only a matter of time before i go down with one, especially in a line of work as risky as mine... but he doesn’t let himself get scared because he wants to be fearless. he needs to be fearless.

speaking of his father, there are some things about being a military kid which seem really interesting and different. this kind of lifestyle seems like it could make a cool mini comic or something? like how max landis’s 6 edition series american alien touches on clark’s childhood and leads up to his transition into superman, one could be created for hal. some examples of stuff would include

moving from base to base

having trouble making long-term friends with people

a generally tougher social life

picking up some basic phrases in foreign languages

adapting to new environments

constant uncertainty about the future

ect. ect. i could go on

anyway if hal’s written by someone who was in the military or someone who's got connections to people in the military, that could be a pretty fun thing to read about.

cont.:

he was kicked out of the military for assaulting an officer, which i really wanna hear more of. i think he did it because his mother died of cancer and he had a mental breakdown which is very... severe. i wrote this down in another post but if you get a DD (dishonorable discharge) from the military you get

no veteran benefits

low chances of post-service employment because background checking treats a DD like a very severe criminal offence

he will never be able to work at the state or government level again

he loses the right to vote

he loses the right to receive government assistance of any kind

he’s not allowed to get a bank loan

ect. ect. there’s actually a handbook where they talk about the nitty gritty details you can search up “dishonorable discharge us military” and click the vetify website that pops up if you want more info

so he’s literally a criminal. there’s no better way to put it. he has these restrictions applying to him until his sentence expires, which can take between 1 year to 10? i think? it can be longer.

after this unfortunate DD, he swings a job as a test pilot for ferris aircraft because the guy who runs it was in good with his dad. test pilots also need a very specific set of skills which are:

understanding a test plan

sticking to said test plan by flying the plane in a highly specific way

carefully documenting the results of each test flight

having an excellent feel for the aircraft and sense exactly how the plane behaves (if it behaves oddly)

solve problems quickly if anything goes wrong with the aircraft during testing

coping with SO many things going wrong at once

accurately and effectively communicate flight test observations to engineers and relate those engineering results to the pilot community (to bridge the gap between those who design and build aircraft with those who employ the aircraft to accomplish a mission)

have an excellent knowledge of aeronautical engineering to understand how and why planes are tested

basically, you have to be an above-average pilot with excellent analytical skills. it’s funny that he doesn’t have many options for jobs even though he could easily be super over-qualified for a lot of them.

i know he’s cocky, and sarcastic, and arrogant which makes him seem like any other SoCal fboy who you’d never approach while walking downtown, but if he has to spend time taking note of how planes fly and giving engineers tune-up advice he has to be smart. the ASVAB test i took wasn’t hard, but if you’re a pilot and specifically a pilot who checks up on planes by flying them, you’ve got to have a certain IQ level.

imagine how stressful that job is. the pressure of not letting someone crash like his dad while flying. i have so much respect for him because of this. imagine how over time, he’s gotten used to being under tight deadlines and having high expectations thrust upon him. having him being a bit of a perfectionist. he could defuse a space bomb.

to summarize that little chunk, he’s the type of guy that comes off as a... piece of work, but is actually pretty smart once you put him up to the challenge. and it drives other people-- mainly the ones who have him pegged as “bane of my existence”-- insane because goddammit, hal, you’re not allowed to be good at these kinds of things when you act like a literal thirteen year old boy. i don’t know where i’m going with this headcanon, to be honest. i just like the idea of something like this going on:

green lantern, looking at the batwing: i think that needs a new combustor and a decent fan cleaning. maybe a little adjusting on the oil filter? batman: how do you know all this? green lantern, having worked with planes since he was eighteen and now his hair is turning gray: i don’t know. maybe i got lucky.

let’s talk about him as green lantern (god bless google and reddit for the panels because as i have said. i’ve never read a GL comic. i had no idea if i was going insane or not over this):

so hal was the first human green lantern (i’m ignoring alan scott right now, so sorry king) and on top of already being a historical figure like that, he’s also one of the “most legendary bearers to wield a power ring” source: dude trust me. it’s out there somewhere even if i can’t pull out the panel from google. some of his accomplishments that i can think of right now are:

he forged his own ring

only guardians have the power and knowledge to forge a ring and have it be functional

he has pure will which is stronger than your regular old normal will

he killed sinestro (who i’m pretty sure was in yellow lantern mode)

who was, might i add, possessed by parallax and was roughly ten times stronger than he normally was. ten times stronger, and hal beat his ass.

his ring can’t be worn by any other lantern

as most people know, after a lantern dies their ring seeks out the closest and best new candidate and adds them to the corps. but since hal’s ring is a part of himself (something like that, it gets complicated), it can’t be wielded by any other being in the universe. oh, and it’s apparently one of the most powerful rings to ever be made.

he imposed and overwhelmed his will onto another green lantern

i’m pretty sure the lantern in question for both situations was kyle rayner. and if you know about green lanterns, you’ll know that this is a big deal since all green lantern’s wills are really strong. the green lantern ring is quite literally powered by concentration and willpower, so imposing your own will onto a green lantern’s isn’t something to be taken lightly.

and finally he killed himself with his own ring because his will was so powerful

green lanterns can’t ever harm themselves with their own rings, so just let that settle in for a moment. he also came back to life moments after killing himself (i forgot when and why he did all that, all i know is that booster gold was with him when he did it).

so he’s done all this cool stuff, and they just kinda... brush him aside. he’s played off as comedic relief for a good chunk of time.

so after reading all of that just try and tell me you don’t think that he’ll be one of the corps’ biggest historical figures. i’ll fistfight you behind denny’s off the I-15 to prove myself right (and if i’m wrong remember: i have never actually read a gl comic.). the dudes on oa might have him be a figure in textbooks or having a statue of him or something. i don’t really know how the whole training thing works with them. (this is my way of saying how it would make an awesome future time travel edition of a green lantern comic run so DC i am once again begging you to adopt me as a writer).

moving on (yes. there’s more. if you were to look inside my brain you’d just see a hal jordan png bouncing around the blackness like the DVD icon. you know the one.):

hal’s seen as a leader among the GL corps (not only because he’s op as hell) but because he won't ask anyone to do anything that he isn't willing to do himself. that’s quite an admirable trait in people with high positions of power. unlike those annoying people you get paired up with group projects. personally, i think this quality of his makes him eligible enough to step up into a leadership position at the JLA. i mean, you have the big three: wonder woman who’s a no-nonsense amazon who’s got the spirit of a warrior, superman who’s an indestructible beefed up farm boy from kansas who is kind and compassionate, and batman who’s a homeschooled dropout who once held a law degree in some universe. twoish out of these three people seem like mediocre candidates as leaders (no hate just facts), while hal’s got a very good amount of experience with teams after working in the military and he’s just got that overall personality of a leader.

and man. could you just imagine a scene with him centered around his team and self-sacrifice? hal would obviously try to do it himself and spare his mates, but someone else demands that it be them instead because they think it’ll work better in the end. we’ll have everyone arguing about how “there must be another way! nobody has to die!” but hal reluctantly does see that the other person should sacrifice themselves, because they make quiet a fair point about the endgame of this situation. he lets it happen, and then he proceeds to receive the full wrath of the other members. maybe i shouldn’t digress because this sounds like a great trauma fic plot haha.

further headcanons because i don’t shut up (this is not required reading, you can rest if you wish so):

the whole sinestro thing could be tied into Big Time trust issues because c’mon. if you’ve been stabbed in the back by someone you trusted, you know how hard it is to trust other people. there’s that little voice whispering from the darkest corner in the blackest night of your mind:

“what if these guys end up the same? what if it’s all just an elaborate ploy?”

hal having seconds thoughts joining the JLA in the beginning. a little hesitation’s eating him alive as he looks amongst the people who claim to be his friends, but have fallen under mind control so easily and switched in battle sides often enough that he can recognize their attack patterns when they’re coming at him. he’s second guessing the people standing next to them. he’s thinking over and over again about how his friends haven’t been mind controlled, but just revealed their their true feelings towards humanity. and him.

and then he feels like shit.

he doubted his teammates. the same guys who have had his back time and time again. he feels terrible for this distrust because because superman’s just invited him to a little get-together they’re having down in smallville and he “really hopes” that hal can take some time out of his schedule to come along and bond with the team. he feels so awkward and sick to his stomach when they reveal their identities one by one because you know who i am... but i also know who you are... but this could all be a deeper level which you’re all playing at... it takes him time to stop feeling a little weird about the flash calling him his best friend at the watchtower, and eventually down on earth while they’re hanging out in civvies. but hal can’t help it because it’s almost like second nature to him.

i could go on. i really could, but i shouldn’t because it’s so late and i’ve spent so much time thinking about nothing but this one guy. so i’m gonna end it here.

in conclusion i think that is why i, while having never read a green lantern comic in my life but understand him through personality analysis and osmosis, should be the biggest hal jordan writer at your headquarters please and thank you.

#I SPOKE SO MUCH but that's okay #ALSO IF ANYTHING I SAID IS STUPID FEEL FREE TO BULLY ME IN TAGS OR OVER ANON BECAUSE LIKE I SAID I DON'T READ MUCH ABOUT HAL #anyway here's wonderwall #hal jordan meta #?#dare i say it's a meta?#i guess it is #hal jordan #green lantern #dc #dc comics

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fyeah-bangtan7 · 3 years

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j-hope: “I’m not the kind of person to settle for their life as it is”

j-hope himself hasn’t changed since the days before his debut. The way he treats others, the way he feels about BTS, his passion for dancing—they haven’t gone anywhere; only their breadth has changed, along with the breadth of his deeply-held beliefs, his will, and his dreams.

“Butter” has been a huge sensation in the United States. j-hope: I did work hard preparing for it, but whenever I try to embrace an unintended success, in my mind I’m always like … It’s like half happiness, half a feeling that makes me think seriously about what I accomplished. There’s a sense of responsibility that comes along with such an honorable achievement. ARMY’s done so much to keep us at number one, and I’m incredibly thankful for that. At the same time, I also realized that our names are becoming known to more people in the world of American pop music.

It seems like the bigger the success is, the more things you end up thinking about. j-hope: In the past I would just humbly accept it, and it was something I worked hard for so I was happy to accept it—and that was somewhat immature, I guess, but now it’s different. I’ve been working constantly for over eight years, and it hasn’t been easy to achieve so much in that time. So from now on I’m tacking a question mark onto how I should carry on and maintain things the way they are and what attitude and stance I should have right now. It’s homework I haven’t been able to figure out yet, basically.

What effect do such thoughts have on the way you express yourself as an artist? j-hope: I’m also a performer, and I don’t think I take any performance lightly. Ever since we did “Dynamite,” the number of times I go over my performances after they’re done has gone way up. I felt like I’m responsible for making the dances stand out, so I thought I have to try my very best for that aspect. You don’t want to underdeliver on a performance when that many people are sending out their love to you. Each and every one of the members thinks so, and I think we’ve created an atmosphere for our practices where we are able to see how important these things are. After all, even if we don’t show it to one another, we all know how important it is to practice our performances.

It seems like there must be an atmosphere of understanding in the practice studio. j-hope: We used to have to practice for a long time, again and again, to sync up with each other. We’d practice for around 10 hours, review our performances, take a break and then get right back into it, rest some more and do it again. That was then, but now, after all that experience, each member knows where they need to focus, so we coordinate our dispositions and make intense breakthroughs and do what we need to until it’s just right, and then we take a break we really take a break. Now we don’t even really have to think about it. So it’s like, All right, let’s do everything we have to do quickly so we can hurry up and get some rest. This part doesn’t seem right though? Let’s get through this quickly. That’s how we do it. We’re more efficient about work and practice now.

Did that have an effect on you individually as well? As you think more about your performances, the parts you concentrate on might change. j-hope: The dancing is important, but I think I came to realize just how important the visual aspect is. The reason I change my hairstyle or whatnot so often these days is because I want my appearance to blend naturally with the song. Since I’ve always been a dancer I just kept working hard at the things I could do best. But obviously it’s important not to go overboard with the visuals, so I kept an eye on it and adjusted it for each performance. That’s the most important part.

Your dancing in “Butter” is one thing, but it’s also a performance where you need to demonstrate your character. What were you hoping to show off? j-hope: I wanted to show how much I’ve grown in “Butter.” The style is bold and revolved around well-tailored suits and the whole thing felt sexy. I tried to get that across as much as I could. And I learned a lot from watching the members who are good at expressing that. I took all the different ways I thought of that I could try out and melted them all down together, smooth like butter. (laughs)

What’s going through your mind when you’re performing, especially when the spotlight’s on you? Like when you do that attention-grabbing dance break full of slow movements in “Butter,” or the solo disco dancing you did for the “Dynamite” dance break at MMA 2020. j-hope: My mindset doesn’t change. When the spotlight’s on me, that’s an opportunity for me, in a way. It’s a chance for me to shine among our team and its seven amazing members, so I’m always on the lookout to make good use of such opportunities by doing my best. I shouldn’t turn down what I’ve got coming to me, and show off everything I’ve got to show. ARMY and the general public will be the judges, and if they have something to say about it, I have to accept and correct it, I think. I want to say that I developed my own type of growth for myself by repeatedly correcting and practicing and correcting and practicing. I’ve been dancing a long time, but I always feel like I could be doing more, so I put in the effort and I take pleasure in when I make something that turns out really well.

But, if you look at your “Butter” fancam, you continuously react along with the other members dancing even when you’re not the focus of the main camera. j-hope: I’m not consciously doing it. But these days when I watch overseas awards ceremonies or pop artists’ performances that they’ve shot on video, I feel like they don’t really have any heavily edited parts or quick cuts. They capture the artists’ energy while showing the whole scene, so I’m always thinking about how I never know where or how I’m going to be captured on film. So even when the camera is mainly focusing on Jin, in some cases you can still see me in the back, and so I think setting the mood in the background in order not to interfere with his part is an extremely important part of a good performance.

I thought you were very consistent. When SUGA comes forward to rap toward the end of the song, you keep tossing out little shouts to boost up the mood. j-hope: It’s fun, you know? Doing that. (laughs)

That sounds like a good balance insofar as you can continue to express yourself individually while staying devoted to the group. j-hope: I agree. I think that’s something I always had in the back of my head. But as I’m performing within this big group structure, making sure not to interfere with that comes before anything else.

The “Permission to Dance” performance has a different flavor than “Butter” in that sense. While “Butter” gives each member their moment to shine, “Permission to Dance” seems to place importance on the overall mood of the entire group. I feel like it brings out your personal trait of being bright and hopeful. j-hope: When we got the song, it occurred to me that I could just be myself in this one. There’s no need to act; I can just use the real feeling I get when I’m on stage. That’s also the message the song is aiming for, so I think it came across naturally. Like I’m happy, but also on the verge of tears?

Your dance makes use of sign language. Although it is a dance, it also conveys language, so I imagine there were a lot of things to consider. j-hope: Yes, there were. We’re conveying language even though we don’t use a lot of sign language in our dance moves. So although the song is nice and light overall, even when we were practicing we were saying how we have to make sure the moves are perfectly accurate. We thought we should understand the importance behind sign language to properly convey its significance. So we thought we should do our best to do the moves correctly while at the same time trying to fill the song with enjoyment and positive emotions. We spent quite a lot of time integrating the moves into the dance routine, and so I think we were able to show off our attitude about the performance pretty naturally.

I think your vocals and facial expressions at the start of the second verse of “Permission to Dance” help people intuitively grasp what kind of song it is. It makes me think of what you said in the “ARMY Corner Store” video uploaded to YouTube for your 2021 FESTA celebration of the group’s eighth anniversary—that you’re the “vitamins” for the group. j-hope: And I am. I used that expression because I feel like I consistently, and unchangingly (laughs) give the team good energy. I don’t know if I’m actually the vitamins or not. Looking back, I’ve always tried to give them good energy and keep them in a good mood, and I think it’s safe to say now that I’m one of those people who try hard to keep their group’s energy up. I still get a little embarrassed, though. (laughs) I wouldn’t say that I don’t feel any pressure at all about the label. All seven of us have to act as one for BTS to work, and that’s always on my mind, so it forces me to be careful that I’m not standing out from the rest of them. Because the team functions well when everyone has their own role. And because I always keep that in mind whenever I think, I should do whatever I can do, I’m able to contribute to the team and I think I ended up feeling a little more confident about the things that I found difficult to express in the past.

Was there a push behind that change? j-hope: I felt, and realized, exactly what I needed to do with my own personal identity and energy right after I released my first mixtape. From that point on, I thought that I should express my musical views and things like my energy regularly, but not in any intense way. Before, as time went by and the group really blew up, I think I had let go of a lot of the pressure to express myself. Then I started to feel like I wanted to try expressing myself in my own way, even as the team did well.

When you revealed your depressive side directly in the time from when you put out “Dis-ease” during the pandemic period to “Blue Side” from your mixtape, was that a reflection of that influence as well? j-hope: People’s emotions change every day and so do their feelings and the things they can accept throughout their lives, right? So I think the changing emotions I felt and came to accept as the group grew in popularity is also expressed by the way my songs changed. It’s also something I always spend time thinking about, but I’m just another young person living his life on this planet. I’m not really different from anybody else, which means I can’t always be as bright as I was on Hope World. So that’s why I tried a different approach to the things I could express.

What did you find out after trying that? j-hope: I ended up thinking about the shadows inside me. I didn’t realize it when we were promoting, but with the whole world suddenly at a standstill, we have all this time where we can’t do anything and I can see all the shadows underneath—sitting spaced out in the studio, thinking about what kind of life I’ve lived, seeing BTS’s performances on TV, I think, That’s who I was. The amount of willpower I found during this time has been tremendous. I figured I’d better use all those feelings entirely and all at once, that those are emotions and songs that could probably only ever be written at this time anyway, so I put all those emotions down like a diary, and “Dis-ease” was born. With “Dis-ease” as a starting point, I thought I could include stuff like my inner darkness, and that’s why I was able to release “Blue Side.

”What did you see when you looked inward? j-hope: I ended up seeing a side to the real Jeong Hoseok’s life that I couldn’t perceive before. I kept thinking about what life would be best for j-hope while we were working, so I wondered what Jeong Hoseok’s life would look like as a whole. While that was happening I realized I’m not just some always-cheery person—I experience hardship, too. So I thought I could grow closer with listeners by sharing little parts of me that I had been hiding away, and that it would be interesting to show people a side of me that’s different from their idea of who j-hope is. Most importantly, I don’t feel any resistance about who I am right now. As a person who makes music and releases songs about his personal life, I think this is all part of the process.

There’s a line in “Blue Side” where you sing, “Now I just want to burn blue to death.” It seems here, too, something of your shadow was revealed. j-hope: If you’re burning to death, it’d be very hot. But the parts I called blue are a place I consciously escape to to avoid things. It’s a place I escape to that I could safely live in and be swallowed up by, but I don’t want to do that. So I think I tried to show that I want to stir up my passion for the things I wanted to do even if I’m burning blue to death. To be honest with you, I don’t know how I came up with those lyrics exactly. I wrote that part a really long time ago when we were on tour overseas. I’m not a big drinker, but those were the first lyrics I ever released that I wrote while drinking. (laughs) When I write lyrics when I’m drinking I often regret them when I see them in the morning, but when I take a look at them again after some time, I can tell they’re lyrics that I could only ever write with the feelings I get at that time. When I release that kind of song, I get some kind of feeling. And when I give myself feedback about my own music, a version of myself who’s different from the way I was before I made the music emerges.

Is there anything else you’ve learned about yourself lately? j-hope: Um … I’m—what should I say—not the kind of person to settle for their life as it is. I could just keep living like I am and do whatever I want with my life, but I don’t know, honestly. I’ve already had so many amazing things happen but I want to take things one step further, as an individual and as a member of BTS. A thought came to me one day: Have I been challenging myself at all lately? Outside of making songs or dancing? But the answer was no. So I decided I would challenge myself and give some things a try, one of which was studying English. It’s still hard and I have a long way to go, but I’m trying my best given our current schedule.

What are you getting out of studying English, do you think? j-hope: If I can speak in English then I can give and take directions with English-speaking artists myself when I’m working on music. My thinking is that this is one channel of communication I can open that will open up more possibilities in my life. But it could end up being hard to keep studying with our current schedule (laughs) so even though I say I’ll do it, I might not be able to. Your mind could change at any minute and you could come to different decisions any time, depending on how you want to live your life. Right now I’m trying to do music for music’s sake, challenge myself with performances for performance’s sake, and try hard personally for BTS. And I’m working hard to figure out what I need to do for my next steps.

What do you imagine your next step will be? j-hope: I think my next step personally is to grow our music globally. I’ve been doing some self-reflection lately and there’s plenty that I want to do. I have a lot of dreams, too. Making it this far with the group, seeing the other pop artists we’ve been vying with on the Billboard chart, really left an impression on me, and now I’m more serious about wanting to express something. So for example, I’m dreaming of growing our music globally since the environment to have good synergy with foreign artists has already been built.

You, and BTS too, have worked your way up step by step and now you’re able to dream up new steps. In the 2021 FESTA “ARMY Corner Store” video, you said the present is possible only because BTS followed the path that it did since its debut song, so you didn’t want to alter any of your past. (laughs) Still, is there anything you’d want to say to your past self if you could say just one thing? j-hope: As a joke, I’d say, Hey, listen to this melody: “smooth like butter”—write that. If you do that, you’ll be number one on Billboard. I could do it that way, right? (laughs) But for me, even the parts of my life that weren’t good became opportunities for growth. So rather than telling my past self to fix something, I’d just tell him to believe in himself and move on with his life however he feels like, and keep working hard, keeping things the way they are. Other than that, I’d have nothing to say to him.

So how do you feel about ARMY now that they’ve climbed all those steps with BTS? j-hope: ARMY is absolutely … I feel like they’ve become an icon themselves. I’m so proud of them. They’re amazing. ARMY is like an artist in itself now, too. Sort of like they’re one big symbol of the era? ARMY is as famous as BTS now. I think we give each other good energy, and helped each other to make something good. It might sound obvious coming from a member of BTS, but if I were ARMY, I’d never be ashamed to call myself a fan of BTS. Anyway, I’m seriously … I want them to always know I’m really, really grateful for them.

#bangtan #jhope #m:weverse magazine #210727

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vickyvicarious · 3 years

Note

how would you write a fic where: Nana meets Parker and Eliot

well, I wrote one possible version of Nana meeting Eliot in my fic 'Food Is', so there's that, but it wasn't really the focus of the story. But there's a ton of ways to go with this one, it's really hard to choose one method.

I think if it's something I would write then I'd leave off all my ideas about possible heist-related meetings where the team has to help Nana simply because the cons intimidate me too much to write in any detail. So, the first one to come to mind is something like:

Hardison has been uncharacteristically dragging his feet on introducing them to Nana. Parker brought it up, like, the once, and Eliot never has - they both don't have anywhere near the kind of family background where they'd feel comfortable on insisting. And it's not that Hardison doesn't want them to meet her, but he hasn't really taken the initiative to make it happen, and they certainly won't, so it just... hasn't. They all lead busy lives after all.

(Hardison talks them up to Nana all the time over the phone and whatnot. But it's. It's different, he wants her to love them as much as he does and he's kinda afraid she wouldn't. She knows what he does, knows what they as a team do... but the messy reality of it might put her off. Seeing the three of them in a romantic relationship might be something she objects to when it's in her face. What if she tells embarrassing stories about his childhood and they never let it go? What if Parker or Eliot don't like her? Her health isn't super great and he doesn't want to stress her out! She always polices his orange soda intake and he'd need that to handle the stress of such a meeting! He's never really been in love before, never had to do the whole 'introduction to your parents' thing and he wants it to be PERFECT when it happens. He knows most of his fears aren't realistic at all, but they're still making him super nervous and it's just easier to plan that he'll make it happen at some point in the future.)

But Nana gets impatient. She takes things into her own hands. By which I mean, she just shows up one day.

Of course, the crew is in the middle of a con at the time. Like, fully in the middle, on a timeline, can't stop what they're doing now. This means that despite all his best efforts to manage the entire meeting, Hardison physically isn't able to be there half the time. Nana's weekend visit or whatever involves her sitting in on strategy meetings, cooking with Eliot, talking knots and knits with Parker, playing video games with Hardison, just various snatched bits of time with all of them in between them running out to do things for the con. At one point she absolutely grabs the phone and plays the role of FBI handler or whatever. Maybe she plays a key role at the end of the con. She's definitely interested in what they do.

Hardison is all freaked out and overprotective, Eliot is terrified and trying to be very nonthreatening since he has no idea what's been said about him, Parker is openly and deeply curious about every single detail of this woman's life but also nervous about interacting with her. Nana meanwhile is trying to assess these people her son loves so much, and also have some fun while away from home. Since the focus is mainly on her POV/moments with the crew, I wouldn't have to write in a full con, just maybe snippets of what the others are up to at any given moment (sort of like in the Broken Wing Job).

Anyway, it obviously ends with her giving her approval and bonding with them all. She talks to Hardison about his lifestyle (in all senses) really being okay with her in practice, not just theory, and maybe gently scolds him for even unreasonably fearing otherwise. (Would she have preferred something safer? Yes. But he has people who will take care of him, he loves what he does and it uses his big brain to the fullest, and he is helping people. Of course she isn't disappointed. And, what. The two people thing? Maybe she hasn't been telling him enough stories about her wild youth if he thinks that's gonna phase her.) She teaches Eliot some family recipes and also definitely some funny Alec stories. She 'lets Parker talk her into' trying out a climbing rig (Nana's a little bit of an adrenaline junkie, Hardison is way more concerned for her health than she is) and essentially adopts her and says she already considers her family and she has an open invite whenever she wants to come by. She kicks everyone's butts in any variety of videogame (Hardison wins there but it's decently close) or board game. She is openly affectionate and loving and everyone loves her deeply.

FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF

There's a family dinner, and then she goes home. The fic ends with her arriving home, talking a bit to Breanna maybe, etc. etc. ...and then she goes up to bed or something and finds a stuffed animal on her bed, with a little note from Parker. She must've left like right after Nana did, beat her home somehow, broke in and gave her a little gift. Something to show she loves Nana too, and wants to be in her family as well.

Nana's heart is full and warm and she is so so happy for her baby boy that he has found a place to belong and people to do so with. She sends him a picture of the bear. Picks it up to move it, and notices it's weirdly heavy. Opens it up. Finds the inside is full of gems or something, and there's one more note saying 'just in case'. Nana laughs out loud.

#leverage #thiefsome #nana hardison #inbox games #my fic #how would i write this fic #(also. my own grandma before she died used to take in foster children for most of her adult life. adopted one of them. but anyway her house #was FULL of pictures of them all. she had this row circling through the whole kitchen and down the hall and so on. and i hc that for Nana #dunno if hardison and breanna were the only ones she raised fully to adulthood but she definitely fostered a whole bunch of kids and #very proudly displays their photos/award/etc. everywhere. certainly a scene of her bragging on them all)

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

Text

Icy Fairytale

Boyinaband (Dave Brown) x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Fluff, Romance, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Falling in love is walking on thin ice in and of itself, but what happens when it's literal? Yeah that's right - two ambitious individuals fall head over heels for one another on the delicate icy ground of a Brighton ice skating rink.

Requested by @onceuponadie Hi! Thank you so much for your request! I'm so sorry for the long wait but I still hope you find the time to enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

No matter how hard I try, I can't tie the laces of my skates properly. I can't tell what's wrong with me today but I know something's seriously not right. To be perfectly honest though, I might have an idea or two as to why this is happening to me but I'd rather keep my mouth shut on the subject to avoid the intense blush and the flock of butterflies that will inevitably attack my stomach. And I can't have that many distractions while I'm on the ice.

Oh who am I kidding, my main distraction is always there, either in front of me or by my side. Sometimes even holding onto me for support.

Dave Brown is the name of it.

The name I was completely indifferent to when it was first brought to my attention.

It was a cold rainy day in Brighton, the town I was still on-the-fence about at the time. My trainer had been wanting to collaborate with a trainer from the UK for a while and had finally scheduled and arranged for the two of us to be able to fly out there and meet with him. I thought my trainer was ambitious, but this this new guy was a whole new level of ambitious. I could tell right away he'd be hard to please and I had no issue with that - I am and I always have been a goal-getter; I myself am hard to please and I've often been called an 'obsessed artist' by my trainer so I was beyond excited for this new extraordinary and challenging journey.

I just didn't know that the challenging part wouldn't be the skating.

After a particularly long practice session, once I was finally left alone by my trainers, I stuck around at the skating rink to wind down and feel the freedom of skating how I want and how I know I'm supposed to. Free like a bird gliding through the sky, not bound by any choreography or anyone's rules and opinions. That's when I'm most myself.

And that's when I met him.

The rink was closed and suppose to be reserved for only me and my coaches for the day but him and his friends - now my friend too - Joel probably didn't think much of the notice on the door considering they had waltzed in with zero idea the vicinity was booked.

I was too entranced in my own world to notice their presence by the seats. I only took notice of the fact I wasn't alone when Joel called out to me.

"Are we interrupting? Is this a private session or something? We can leave, sorry for bothering you."

While the other boy was talking, Dave remained silent, blending into the background and not drawing any of my attention to him. And yes, maybe I was supposed to turn them back, tell them to leave and whatnot, but I did the exact opposite.

"Private session's over, you can stick around, it's not a problem." I said, slowly gliding over to the entrance of the rink where the boys were now standing after they finished climbing down the stairs to approach the ice rink.

I stopped in my tracks rather abruptly as to not crash into them, stabilizing myself before offering them my hand for a handshake. "I'm Y/N. Professional figure skater."

I couldn't help but let out a little giggle when their jaws went loose, hanging open in surprise. They were quick to regain their composure, Joel being the one to accept my hand first, followed by Dave, both of them introducing themselves as they did so.

"Cool streak." I casually pointed at the red streak in Dave's hair, "I've always wanted to dye my hair but I'm not allowed to by my trainer."

He scoffed at my remark, "Your trainer? He's got the audacity to boss you around? Does he not realize how lucky he is to have a skater like you to his name?"

I was understandably taken aback by this compliment. I'm used to being given compliments after my performances in competitions, but I've never considered my unchoreographed skating as anything more than mediocre. It was surprising to receive such a positive remark, heartwarming nonetheless though.

"That's so kind of you to say, Dave, thanks." I'm still a long way from knowing how to properly respond to compliments - mostly cause I don't believe them - but I'd like to think I handled that one well. No, I know I handled it well considering Dave, Joel and I have been friends ever since.

As to why they were at the skating rink that day - they wanted to fulfill a New Year's resolution they had made at the start of the year: learning how to ice skate because apparently they were hopeless at it. And yes, they were - they got on the ice with me that day and were dropping like flies. I considered it a miracle if they were even able to get off their asses on their own. I had to pull them up a couple of times - a gesture they paid me back for with lunch afterwards. Following that day, only Dave remained determined to make his resolution count and he kept coming to the ice rink to practice (read: fall and get back up) and learn with my help of course. It's safe to say I've never laughed so much in such a short period of time and never have I ever established a friendship so quickly with anyone ever. I guess being someone's ice skating buddy is a whole different level of a friendship where the rules of a regular friendship don't apply.

I soon came to realize why that was...

Because I suddenly found myself wanting more than a friendship with Dave. It's ridiculous as hell, as all goddamn hell, but I couldn't and still can't help myself. It's these little subtle signs that shine through my behavior, all completely unintentional. The lingering hold meant to keep him stable on his skates. The firm eye contact when I'm trying to get him to focus on his balance. The little touches and hugs all gestures meant to congratulate him on his little wins like falling and managing to get to his feet on his own; managing to make three solid strides without sprawling out on the ice, etc. I must be the worst ice skating instructor ever - as Dave gained more balance and needed my assistance less, I found myself missing the times I literally had to hold him up, his arms wrapped around me and mine around him. I miss the times he held my hand to avoid falling and still fell, sometimes dragging me down with him.

And I'm only gonna miss those times even more after tomorrow because after tomorrow, I'll no longer be in the UK and I'll no longer be there to see Dave's successes and fails. I'll no longer have him be my distraction, the only distraction I've ever approved of and wanted around. I'll no longer have a chance to feed into the temptation of telling Dave what I feel for him. It's a temptation and a fear and excites me just as much as it terrifies me, paralyzes me just thinking of the outcome, especially when I know I won't get my feelings reciprocated. I won't get anything better than a soft rejection from him yet I still want to come clean.

Why, you might be asking - well, it's rather simple, actually. I think he deserves to know how special he's made these last few months. How much he's made me fall in love with this city and the UK as a whole. How much I enjoyed our adventures both on and off the ice. How much fun I had going sightseeing with him as my tour guide.

How much I enjoyed his company and how hard I fell for him in the process.

Today's the last day of 'class' for the both of us but I just so happen to be the only one who's aware of it. Yeah, I've been one hell of a coward and never brought up my inevitable departure despite having been informed over a week ago. Exactly, I had a week to come clean about more things than one, but I chose silence.

And boy did that bad decision come to hit me against the back of the head like a boomerang. A mocking and particularly painful one at that.

Get it together, Y/N. One of these news you'll have to tell him, he has to know you're leaving. And the other...

"Sorry I'm late!" The familiar voice coming in a breathy yell from somewhere in the darkness surrounding the seats awakens me and frees me from my mind's battle with itself. "The rain only makes traffic worse."

Now or never. Don't drag it out and keep adding salt to the wound!

"I'm leaving!" I say, loud enough to be heard clearly despite our distance. Also loud enough to cover up the tremble in my voice. It took a lot of power just to say that one sentence, I wonder how I'm gonna power through having to explain it to him.

"Jeez, did I upset you that badly?" Dave surprises the hell out of me when he steps on the ice, already in his skates which I didn't even notice him put on. I'm not surprised by that to be honest, I'm too caught up in my own thoughts and how I'm displaying them in my demeanor to notice my surroundings.

"N-no, I..." so much for covering up that tremble in my voice, "I have to leave the UK...tomorrow...I'm going back home for a competition and to, you know, get ready for the Olympics...I don't know when or if I'll be back but I was hoping..."

"What? When'd you hear about this? Why so suddenly? Is it that big of an emergency that they inform you literally five minutes in advance?" There are enough emotions in his voice to prevent me from looking at his face, especially his eyes. I'm afraid of what kind of hurt or whatever other emotion I might see there.

I bite the inside of my cheek, "My trainer told me last week...", I admit, gritting my teeth and cringing as my stomach ties itself is several knots that are causing me great discomfort.

There's a pause which I'm assuming is meant for him to collect all his thoughts and properly process them. I'm afraid of what he'll say when he does.

"So I'm the one finding out five minutes before your departure?" He finally asks, the tone of voice he uses making my heart sink a little.

Damn it, Dave I already feel guilty enough, this is unnecessary!

No, no, he has a point and has every right to be upset. Friends don't keep friends in the dark about things like this. About any things really.

Then why do you keep him in the dark about literally EVERYTHING?

This is what I was afraid of - getting the temptation of coming clean. I have nothing to lose after all, I'm leaving tomorrow anyway. I'll lose him one way or another.

"Listen, Dave...", I didn't think this through but I'll improvise it, that's a better option than shutting my mouth and not saying another word, "I was gonna tell you, I really wanted to, but I couldn't...I couldn't bring myself to do it. I still don't want to believe that I'm leaving. I love it here and just the thought of leaving it all behind...it hurts, you know. And 'the more people know the realer it is' is a real thing so I didn't want...." I stop, my voice cutting off completely as I find myself weak on balance. Maybe standing in the middle of an ice rink isn't the best setting for this conversation. "I'm being ridiculous and I'm stalling like a coward." I say that more to myself than to him but I don't let him speak. Instead, I continue my rambling after a brief sigh.

Dave, God bless his soul, stays silent and just looks at me with this curious gaze which is letting me know he's holding back for my sanity's sake, allowing me to take a breather and collect my thoughts before I express them to avoid misunderstanding me.

I inhale, finally ready to start talking, "Alright, here we go...Look, I don't want to end this...friendship between us on a bad note but I don't want it to end with there still being secrets between us so I'm gonna finally say what I've been wanting and not wanting to tell you for a while now. It's on you whether it'll be a bad ending to a good story or not, but I just need to get it off my chest, ok?"

He nods, not at all as hesitantly as I thought he would which is relieving to see, so I continue.

"This is gonna sound pathetic and downright laughable but here it goes - I like you, Dave. The kind of like where I see you as more than a friend and sometimes even wish you would see me the same way as well despite being sure you don't. And please, if you plan on pulling a pity act give me a heads up so I can just walk aw-"

My ramble is put to an end when Dave puts his hand up, pointer finger in the air and almost touching my lips as a gesture to shush me. I am typically one of the hardest people to shut up EVER, but now the words die down on their own as if they are even happy to be put to rest at his request.

"Y/N you are the most talented, most graceful, the kindest and most beautiful and smartest person I have ever met and yet you still also happen to be the densest and most ignorant when it comes to the people around you. You're a people pleaser, I've figured out as much, but goddamn it, you rarely know what a person actually wants. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, this could just be the case with me and an inability to show emotion which I haven't known about all this time, but still - if your dense ass hasn't noticed it yet I'll say it out loud for you and if you still find a way to misinterpret it, I'll spell it out for you in huge neon letters, got it?" He makes something barely alike a pause before sighing, "Y/N L/N, the most densest person in this whole word, you've had me star-struck since day one and I've only been falling deeper and harder in love with you ever since. And you don't have even the slightest clue of what happened to me and my heart a couple minutes ago when you said you were leaving. Believe what you wanna, but words have never crushed me harder ever before and trust me, that says a lot. So, before you go and think you have my emotions figured out, remember that I actually know how to skate."

That's A LOT to take in. It's got layers upon layers of questions followed by answers followed by even more questions that I'm not sure I'm prepared to ask or answer.

So he's liked me since the day we met? Love at first sight? Nah, that shit only exists in movies.

He was hurt by that? I hurt him by not telling him then I hurt him by telling him and I'll hurt him the hardest when I leave tomorrow. How am I supposed to not feel responsible for putting so much pain on him without even realizing it?

And wait - he knows how to skate???

"You can skate? Like, you can can skate? Like, you're not a hopeless case like you've made me believe?" I ask, one of my eyebrows shooting up suspiciously.

Dave goes from looking puzzled to cracking up with laughter within a second after hearing my question, "Oh Y/N, you're so adorable. That's what's got you puzzled the most out of all I just said?"

I narrow my eyes at him, folding my arms over my chest defensively, "Well the rest seems pretty cut-and-dry, if you ask me." I say sarcastically, earning another laugh from him.

It's only now that I notice how confidently he's standing on the ice - as though he's standing on solid, non-slippery ground which is far from the image I have of Dave while on ice. The uncertainty, the lack of stability, it's all disappeared from his still demeanor which now makes a lot more sense.

He smirks at me, "Does it now, densey?"

I frown at the nickname, "Don't call me th-"

He doesn't let me finish, instead presses his lips against mine, the contact making me lose balance on my skates. Luckily, he probably calculated this risk in advance cause his arms wrap around me instantly, preventing me from slipping more than an inch.

"Who needs to be held up now?" He asks, pressing his forehead against mine when we pull away from the kiss.

I keep my eyes closed despite the urge to roll them in playful annoyance, "Oh, shut it."

And he does so by pressing his lips against mine once again.

What will happen once I leave, I have not the slightest clue. Hell, I don't even know what'll happen when we pull away permanently and get off the ice we're standing on. But I do know what's happening right now - I'm kissing Dave Brown and nothing's ever felt this right before.

@waterlilypat @iwillboilyourteeth @insanedeathwish @onceuponadie @loraleiix @smiithys @rottenroyalebooks @goldenstarofthunderclan @cosmicstorm19 @lam-ila @sra-verissimo @marthebeeduosimp

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anim3tingz · 3 years

Text

Match-Up for zeepzo0p

Hey love! So, I decided to try something a little different for this match-up. It’s my first time doing this for a poly relationship so I hope it works out well. Enjoy! ❤️

Tag: @zeepzo0p

..........

My Hero Academia:

Taishiro Toyomitsu (Fat Gum) & Keigo Takami (Hawks)

Relationship Song: My Best Friend - Weezer/Summer Vibe - Forrest Nolan

First off, I just feel like y’all would make one hell of a cute throuple. Like, for real I can’t stop shipping y’all together.

Talk about the most laid-back and fun relationship ever. Both guys don’t take things too seriously and I feel they would be down to try anything.

So, if you’re feeling particularly spontaneous or get wrapped up in a new interest I could see them just going along for the ride and joining in on the fun. Say you get into an art phase. Like, you go all out buying supplies and whatnot. They’d be right beside you trying to paint, cross-stitch, whatever. I just see them taking part in whatever your current interest might be.

Keigo might say some sarcastic comments like, ‘Oh, yay! A new thing to waste our time & money on.’ But, don’t listen to him. Lol. He won’t admit it, but he actually finds your phases really cute. Plus, he actually likes how you open him up to other things he wouldn’t think he’d like. Taishiro, however, gets just as wrapped up as you. Lol.

Your food now...Damn. The 1st time you ever cooked for Taishiro he was hooked. Doesn’t matter what you make, this man is down. You want to try a new recipe? He’ll be your guinea pig.

It’s not a well-known fact, but Keigo is actually a pretty good cook. So, I could see the two of you cooking meals together and trying each other's new creations, bouncing ideas back and forth between each other. Lol. Expect him to play around a little bit, though. This is Keigo we’re talking about.

Both guys are very supportive of you wanting to go to culinary school, love. You follow your dreams. Your men are behind you every step of the way.

When you’re feeling a little stressed out or get the urge to partake in some “herbal medicine” I feel like Keigo would be the one to join you. He gets pretty chill when he’s on his high. Taishiro, however, tries not to partake. Lol. There was the whole ‘Munchie Incident of 2020’. His hit was a bit too strong that night and the munchies that ensued were quite insatiable. You and Keigo had fallen asleep only to awake later to see your entire house cleared of food. Poor baby was so embarrassed, he swore he’d never do that again. Lol. So, he leaves that to you and Keigo.

Movie/Streaming Nights!

Game Nights (Videogames/Board Games/Card Games)!

Keigo would be the one just sitting in the background laughing as he watches his two idiots dance.

You guys just love hanging out together so pretty much any activity that involves y’all hanging out together you guys tend to gravitate toward. Y’all are legit best friends so you spend a majority of your time together.

Lord have mercy, when Keigo and Taishiro get together. Those two put the Weasley twins to shame. So, I hope you’re up for getting pranked on. Lol. But, don’t worry Taishiro won’t let things get too out of hand.

Taishiro tends to stand as the responsible party in your relationship. Lol. Keigo’s mouth tends to get him into trouble and mix that with your slight authority problem and well...You see why Taishiro has his hands full with y’all. :)

Taishiro is that stable, kind, supportive man, while Keigo is the funny, wise-ass, who secretly has a sensitive side. Speaking of which, because of his past, letting his emotions out has always been difficult but since getting together with you he’s been able to open up a bit.

PDA:

Each man brings a little something different to the table.

For instance sweet, romantic kisses and bear hugs are practically guaranteed with Taishiro.

Meanwhile, with Keigo...PASSIONATE kisses. Plus, this man likes to cuddle. Although, don’t expect him to admit to that. As mentioned before, he’s not the best at showing his emotion but baby boy does love you.

Jealousy? A little bit. Mainly on Keigo's end, though. You might not notice it, but Keigo is envious of the relationship you and Taishiro have. You guys just seem to be so much alike that he gets a little envious, at times. Taishiro, on the other hand, is the most secure in the relationship. He loves the fact that you and him have so much in common, but he also likes the sarcastic whims that Keigo brings to the relationship. He just knows you can count on him to bring humor to any situation.

Overall, this is just a great relationship. You guys just bring out the best in each other and aren’t afraid to try new things. Plus, what’s not to like being in a relationship with your best friends. Well, that and both guys are super hot, let’s be honest. Lol. But, really. I ship y’all so hard.

For more Fatgum/Hawks love check out this…(Click Here)

Black Clover:

Magna & Asta

Relationship Song: Break The Rules - Charlie XCX/Fallin’ - Why Don’t We

Where to start. Lol. Y’all are the most boisterous bunch EVER.

But, omg! It would be such a fun relationship.

I could just imagine you guys just talking for hours on end and never getting bored. Like, just imagine late-night convos under the stars on the roof of the base.

Whether you’re all together or one on one, the conversation just flows so easily between y’all. I think that’s one of the biggest selling points in this relationship. I mean, would you really want to be in a relationship where you can’t talk with someone? It’d be so boring.

Just like with Fatgum/Hawks, I see Magna/Asta being just as into your interest phases. These guys are such a spontaneous bunch. Lol. And, can you just imagine the humor and shenanigans that would ensue. Omg. I’d think you’d probably die from laughing so much. Especially, when the two start going at each other.

Just don’t leave these two alone together for too long. That’s when bad things tend to happen. Lol. These two LOVE to prank you. If you thought Fatgum & Hawks were bad...Honey, there’s no responsible party member here. Lol. You’ve been warned.

One funny thing about your relationship is how your cat reacts to them. Surprisingly your cat loves Magna, Asta though...Lol. Much like the anti-birds, your cat attacks Asta in nearly the same way. He doesn’t seem to understand why the cat hates him even after he’s brought him treats and toys. It’s sad, but oh boy...is it a funny sight to see.

Both babies LOVE your cooking. Like, when they hear you’re cooking they’re the first ones sitting down and practically drooling all over the table when you finally bring the food out. And, while you yourself aren’t a fan of spicy food you know Magna is and you always try to make sure to satisfy his spice cravings. Just know Magna never expects you to do that for him but he appreciates all the effort you make for him. It’s one of the many little things he loves about you. Now Asta...the boy has already guzzled down half of the buffet you laid out for the rest of the Golden Bulls. Lol. Have I mentioned he loves your cooking?

PDA:

Both babies are pretty affectionate and playful.

However, Asta is a little inexperienced, but he does his damnedest to impress you. He’ll get you flowers and let’s not forget he’d show off. A LOT. Lol.

Asta’s kisses are passionate, but a little sloppy. Like I said, he’s a little inexperienced, but after some time he’d get better. He just gets so passionate and excited that kisses often are a little rushed and sloppy. But, just know he just gets so excited whenever he’s around you he just can’t contain his emotions.

Magna...I see him actually being a romantic at heart. He’d be the smoother one of the two for sure. He loves to whisper compliments into your ear and give you forehead kisses. Plus, his kisses are...ugh. He’s a good kisser. And, that smoldering look he gives you when he goes to lean in...RIP.

Jealousy is normal between y’all. Mainly in terms of ‘you’re hanging out with so and so too much’ or ‘it’s my time with them’. They’re just like kids fighting over a toy at times. Especially Asta. Lol. That boy is just so in love with you. He just wants all your attention. Magna gets jealous too, but he mainly just fights over you to annoy Asta. These two I swear. Lol.

These boys love you so much, though. So, despite all their idiosyncrasies they always support you in whatever you choose to do. And, if you’re ever feeling low you can guarantee they’d be right there to lift you right back up. They love seeing you smile and laugh. You’re their baby and they’d do anything for you.

#open requests #anime requests #bnha #mha #black clover #keigo takami #taishiro toyomitsu #mha takami keigo #mha taishiro #mha fatgum #bnha fatgum #mha hawks #bnha hawks #mha matchup #bnha matchup #poly reader #black clover asta #black clover magna #black clover matchup

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skyhopedango · 3 years

Text

State of the Season (OMG IT’S ALREADY MARCH???!)

So... yeah. Time really does fly, huh. :O I’ve been so swept away by work and politics/activism and trying to rock an undercut that is the surprisingly fortunate result of trying to cut my own hair, that all these months just kind of passed me by. Holy shit, it’s almost summer. And covid is still here.

Anyway, so the shows I’ve been watching, or not watching as the case might be.

Dropped:

SK8: I ranted about it a while back - I tried watching a couple more episodes, but nah, sorry. The show is trying to do one thing and another completely different thing, and it just fails to do either well, missing the balance by a shot so long it fades into infinity. It doesn’t lean fully into just being crazy and OTT fun, but it leans into it enough that there’s a tonal dissonance between the crazy OTT parts and the “real” and “drama” parts, which result in neither parts working for me. The “adults trying to write cool kids” factor and the really dated visual design doesn’t do it any favors either. It’s 2021 guys! If you want to be “hip and cool” come up with something that doesn’t smell like moth balls.

As for the rest:

Osomatsu-san S3: This is... kind of a pity. I talked about this before, but it really feels like the writing has lost its touch, and its sight of who/what the characters are. Also, the extended cast just doesn’t work. Totoko and Nyaa are just not interesting enough to carry so much of the show, and the AIs are perplexing and not in a good way. They feel completely pointless, characterless and boring.

It’s not like the show is bad though. The voice work continues to be absolutely amazing (why is this cast so good), it’s still mildly entertaining, and there are flashes of brilliance every now and then - the pizza skit is one of the Osomatsu-san greats, as is the entirety of episode 22, with the detective show spoof and the crazy hide-and-seek skit. Even the AIs had an unexpectedly fun and relatable moment, the skit with the shitty senpai you kinda pity but also don’t really want to associate with. Overall though, this season is a miss, which is a pity.

Jujutsu Kaisen: This has been precariously teetering on the edge of being dropped, but eh, I might as well finish this season. Like, the show is mostly harmless, really, mostly inoffensive, but also 90% of why I’m still watching it is so I can listen to Nakamura Yuuichi, Shimazaki Nobunaga, and a couple more seiyuu. It’s bogstandard WSJ action stuff. But also, it’s at the “let’s have a tournament arc, and introduce tons of new characters and their super special powers and angsty backstories!” part where these stories always lose me. Like, I don’t really care about all the power wankery, yes, the character is super strong, but if that’s all then I don’t care about the details, let’s move on. Also, I just want to spend time with the main cast, y’know? I don’t need two thousand characters, and OK, we can have a huge cast but flesh out your main people first?

Aside of the cast, the animation continues to be its saving grace, but even there some things grate on me - things I wouldn’t care about normally, but since the show is clearly an animator wank fest, these things stand out. Like how the composition is often kinda dodgy, with the characters not integrating fully with the background? Or how there’s the "telling not showing” thing where they have characters telling us things that could be so easily conveyed by animation. Yes, that’s necessary in manga where the images are not moving, but here, especially with all the animation wankery, it just feels like the director just wanted to show off, and didn’t put a lot of effort into actually creating a good and complete translation of static to dynamic, manga to anime.

Back Arrow: This one is... well, it’s entertaining. It’s a bit of a letdown in that it doesn’t really go as hard as it could and should. Like, the jokes are good in theory, but in practice more ofthen than not the punchlines don’t quite land. Still, I’m being entertained so I’ll keep watching. (Mostly, I just like what a terrible, stupid bunch the characters are. :D) Will I remember this show a week after the finale, though? Not likely, but hey, I don’t need all shows I watch to be unforgettable masterpieces.

Beastars: This is, well, good. It’s really good, actually, it’s a great show! It’s just that I kind of lost my enthusiasm for Beastars so I just can’t get hyped. And without the hype, my brain just starts thinking too deeply about things I’m not supposed to think about, like... yes, I understand the allegories and whatnot, but also isn’t it just awfully convenient that like all of herbivores we see on the regular are the “small, soft, prey” type? Where are all the tough, often aggressive herbivores that predators think twice (three times, four times) about messing with? Where are the African buffalos, the bisons, the elephants, the rhinos? I’m just saying, it’s really convenient for the story that those are out of the picture. Also, what with all the focus on size and strength, it’s kind of dodgy how the show just handwaves away the fact that there are small carnivores and large herbivores, and the latter could kick the formers’ ass any day, like come on, a horse vs a cat? Yeah. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But anyway, yeah, show is good. I’m enjoying it a lot. I hope they won’t adapt the rest of the manga.

Tenchi Souzou Design-bu: This is just tons of fun. :D It takes an issue that I very often think about (namely, “why is this creature like that? what the hell, Mother Nature?”) and puts it in a context that makes complete sense (”oh I see, it was created by overworked designers based on vague and arbitrary instructions, gotcha, I can relate to that” :D). And even though it’s just basically the same settings and jokes over and over it doesn’t get old. :D

Kemono Jihen: This one is fine? It’s not mindblowingly amazing, but not bland or mediocre either. It’s just a solid, good show, although I really hope that Aya is not a permanent addition to the cast because I really hate the “jealous girls fighting over a guy” trope. That aside, I actually started reading the manga for this, but... well, this is one of those cases where the anime format just works better for me. I hope it will get a second season.

But most of all I really really look forward to the spring season, partly because there’s quite a lot of shows I’m interested in, and also it’s one step closer to the summer season and Night Head 2041. :D

#sk8 the infinity #osomatsu-san season 3 #kemono jihen #jujutsu kaisen #tenchi souzou design-bu #back arrow #anime #winter anime 2021

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loveau · 4 years

Text

enemies-to-lovers!hendery

request: Could I request an angsty enemies to lovers AU with Hendery or Ten? Thank you so much for posting your writing

others: lucas | yuta | renjun | jisung

it all started probably at some university party where a mutual friend or a friend of a friend introduced everyone in a group

since there were so many people, there wasn’t a lot of interaction to go on

but what you did know was that the dude named hendery???

yeah the most obnoxious person you’d ever met

and he thought you were the most judgmental person he’d ever met

to be fair his rowdiness comes with the friends he has nearby you’re bound to be the same way with yours

but it just seemed like he was so over the top and loud and it was annoying how you couldn’t have a conversation with your friends when he was literally screaming across the room

at the same time, however, hendery isn’t appreciative of your dramatic groans and eye rolls whenever he does anything and he feels so restricted from basically getting to have fun

and putting the both of the together in the same room is a chemical reaction that leads to an explosion

it basically started at that party and y’all were having fun and the mingling of groups was happening where everyone was getting to know each other

y’all didn’t really interact during the party besides hanging around the general area

but that didn’t stop you from giving each other the slight stink eye, which may have started on your part when he accidentally spilled some drink on your friend’s pants

and he thought nothing of it so he assumed you were just a stick in the mud and thought it was dumb you were there to cramp on his fun

obviously you hadn’t added each other on social media, so when hendery was doing something especially dumb you smirked and had been recording it

in all fairness it had started with you recording one of your friend’s rants about how nobody treats them right and how they deserve the perfect lover but there’s just trash people and their trash lists of who’s the best kisser or whatever

but all of a sudden your camera had switched to hendery’s group of friends where he was standing on top of a table and slipped off due to all of the snacks and drinks spilled on it

he ended up getting caught by his friends before he got hurt, but he clonked heads with one of them and was wincing while the others laughed or were more focused on whether or not he was okay

you were chuckling to yourself and captioned it ‘bet he doesn’t have any braincells if this is what keeps happening... makes sense alrdy tho 💀💀’

and you thought nothing of it until the next morning you’d woken up to a couple of messages and whatnot

you’d been debating whether or not you wanted to go to the bathroom and check later on during lunch after you spent some time to yourself but you chose to continue laying in bed and read through everything

a couple of the typical ‘what was the homework’, ‘lunch?’, and ‘did you know that this happened...’ type of things

but what caught your eye was the ‘hey, did you know that you have a bounty on your head rn?’

you were so confused because you had no clue what that was supposed to mean and typed back a simple ???

and one of your friends ten responded back pretty quickly and he was just like yeah, hendery apparently hates your guts rn so i suggest don’t run into him

you’re just like????? hUH????? who?????

he sends you a picture of himself and a whole group of others and he’s just like furthest dude on the left

you squint at your phone because wow ten you could have chosen a better picture or maybe screenshotted something huh

however once you recognize him, you’re like UH???? KnUcKLeheAD?

ten’s just like yeahh, apparently he found out about your story and has been asking everyone who you are

someone must have told him because ten sent you a screenshot of the story hendery posted that captioned your story with smth like

‘this person rlly don’t have anything better to do besides play therapist for their friends at a p a r t y :///’

you’re gaping at the message and it’s so bad you sit up from bed so fast with your phone in the tightest grip

like what??? and followed by that there’s another screenshot of another story that basically was some poll or something about whether or not you were fun or some lame-o

you were fuming at that and saw the username in the stories ten sent you and basically looked him up and found out who hendery was

your phone was practically thrown to the other side of the bed as you got ready for the day

part of you was so confused as to who sent him the story but you were also really confused as to why he’d just project you onto his as if you’d see it (which you did soooo)

and you found yourself complaining to your friends about it like who would do that??? it was a joke anyways and plus why does he care when you barely know each other???

they’re all on your side of it too since most of them had met hendery that same night or only knew a couple of the other guys and him by extension

your food was feeling your wrath as you chewed on it and your friends tried to find a different subject to talk about

“hey, did you transfer classes like you wanted?

you finally smile at that and give a satisfied hum to them

“yep, i finally got out of that blasted quantum mechanics class or whatever”

“why were you in that anyways?????”

you shrug and it’s just confusing to you because you were trying to get an elective course in but they decided to put you in a big science class where people with big brains and bigger egos liked to flex their knowledge and lord it over you when you didn’t understand

“doesn’t matter!! i’m in advanced hip hop dancing now! no more 8am lectures about one dimensional applications anymore”

“but you still have to wake up at 8am to walk across campus to the theatre rooms?”

“it doesn’t matter if you like what you do”

which was the best part since you took hip hop last semester and had some background in dancing before, so the instructor suggest you move to intermediate

but the worst part was the voice you heard behind you

“oh no way in-”

you whipped around and saw the shocked and irritated look on the one and only hendery

“you!” you pointed your fork accusingly at him and he has the audacity to look offended and point both hands at himself

“me???”

“yeah you! who are you to put me on blast to social media even though i’m a total stranger to you?”

“exCUSE ME?????!! the same goes to YOU!”

“tHE sAmE GoES tO YOu. it was a joke, especially by someone you barely know!!!! i didn’t want to have to see your face first thing in the morning to find out you got butthurt because you bonked your head as a kid and wanted to reenact that??”

hendery almost revolts backwards and holds a finger up

“first of all? do you think i’m happy about getting to see you first thing in the morning either??? and do you think i’d be happy seeing you at 8am every other day?”

you quickly put two and two together and you’re clenching your teeth

“you don’t mean-”

“yeah, see you in advanced hip hop, lame-o”

you (and practically the entire lunch room alkfnskfn) are left in shock as hendery takes his leave without even ordering food

you sit there in shock and think all of a sudden you might not like hip hop anymore

and you’re complaining about it to ten as he sits across from you at dinner, a couple hours after your lunch and having enough time to sit on it

“i should have taken modern dancing with you........ or maybe even ballet 3 with sicheng?”

ten only laughs and you scowl as he attempts to keep his snickers quiet

“you wouldn’t have lasted more than two days. you’d be itching to get your feet moving faster than they can get their toes pointed”

you roll your eyes because he’s right. one of the best parts of dancing hip hop was that you felt you could lose control of yourself in a more reckless way than the other styles of dancing could

“i hate it when you’re right?”

ten smiles at you and pats your shoulder from across the table

you’re just internally screaming that you have to wake up at 8am to see hendery’s dumb face again

“why is it because i’m right so often?”

“no, because i tend to owe you money because i lost the bet”

he snickers and then offers his student id to you

you take it questioningly and he pats the hand that has the id in it

“take it out at the dance studio. they’ve closed it from regular students after 9 since someone decided it’d be funny to steal one of the mirrors”

you roll your eyes but smile gratefully at him

“gotta love TAs with their magical access for ‘tutoring hours’”

“hey they’re actually convenient for when it doesn’t fit someone’s schedule!”

you’re already walking towards the door by the time he says that and you look back cheekily

“tell me that again when you haven’t used it for a private picnic date with someone you met on tinder!”

by the time you reach the dance studio you’re absolutely giddy and so glad you wore comfortable clothing to dinner so you didn’t have to go back to change

your giddiness changed when you already saw somebody in the studio

and as fate would have it, of course hendery had to be there, jamming out to some 80s hip hop song

before you could turn around and leave, he spun around during once of the dances and opened his mouth in shock

“there is no way-”

“save it! i’m just as shocked as you are”

he huffs and turns off the music and stands with his arms folded

“well?”

“well what?”

he makes a face and over exaggerates your irritated one with a “wELl WhAt?!?!??!!!?!?”

you set your jaw and mimic his stance but the awaiting look in his eyes told you everything

“i’m not here to apologize if that’s what you’re thinking” you put a hand and put your other on your hip before he could say anything

at least he had enough respect to listen to your cue even though he exasperatedly threw his hands in the air and huffed loudly

“and even if i wanted to, i wasn’t so immature to go around asking everyone about who made me cry because they laughed when i decided to climb a table and almost fall because it was slippery”

“i didn’t cry” he’s got this childish tone to his voice and you know better than to instigate but the fiery look in his eyes only lights up one of your own

“i can give you a reason”

you don’t even realize you’ve stepped in the middle of the dance floor until he huffs out a laugh and meets you in the middle where you have your hands on your hips defiantly and a cocky smirk on your face

he hates it and you feel so powerful seeing him seethe

it only adds to your satisfaction that he ends the stare down by walking away rigidly

however it quickly melds into confusion when he turns the music on again, this time to a more recent song on the radio and one of the songs you were thinking of dancing to actually

he starts walking again, but in circles around you

he adds a spin here and there and a little kick of the leg

“what are you, constipated?”

he takes your comment in stride and backs away again to give you the floor

“you obviously came here to dance, and if you’re all talk about it then why don’t you up me one?”

“gladly”

there’s a bite in your tone but there’s even more snap in your hips

you don’t miss the way hendery’s eyes trail up and down as you flow into another move

you smirk once he trails back up to your eyes and instead of looking caught he only smirks right back

it peeves you a little how confident he looked now and he slowly clapped once you finished up another spin

“not bad for a freestyle”

you hate how much his ego has been stoked and you hate how you absolutely know how much he absolutely seemed to live for your annoyance with him

you two circled each other for a while, none of you really knowing who started moving first and why you both continued

but it was you who stepped forward first, and he responded in kind and it would have been so off putting that you both were so close

when he chuckled at your determined gaze you could practically feel his breath against your face

you felt the anger bubbling in your core once the warmth hit your cheeks

but a closer look at his eyes showed you that he was definitely affected by your snappiness with him and the irritation was practically pooling in his irises

“you know, for someone who’s in advanced hip hop you sure don’t seem good at motor functions. you could barely stand at that party”

“you know, having fun tends to have that effect. but you wouldn’t know. nobody does anything with you besides stand against a wall and try to talk over the music. there’s a reason why the lyrics are the only words you’re supposed to be hearing”

normally you’d bite your tongue and walk away or tell him he’s being the immature one once again, but those words were dumb and it mad you livid

“funny, for someone who claims to move so well yet you haven’t really shown me anything”

in a flurry of motion, hendery has grabbed your arm and spun you around so that you fall hard into his chest

you can hear a huff of effort from him as he twirls you out again and then back into him but with his hand at your waist

his cocky grin makes you almost growl at him, but you were too shocked to say anything

“cat got your tongue?”

he releases you and then dusts himself off

“you know when you want to act up.......”

he gets in your face and the cockiness as dissolved into the pure annoyance that you are already familiar with from feeling it yourself

“make sure you’re not just all talk.” he turns and grabs all his stuff, but he waves over his shoulder before he leaves “see you in class”

and oooooOOOOOH do you see him in class the next morning

the instructor has greeted you since you transferred in the class two weeks in

they were glad you decided to come in even though the class was already working on some dances and it would take a couple classes to see where you were at since it’d been a while and also with a different instructor

so..................

“hi, i’m hendery. i’m the student instructor/TA, i’ll bring you up to speed”

and GOSH did you feel so angry for waking up at 6am to have breakfast and having to walk across campus in the cold morning air just to figure out you’d have to work 1:1 with hendery for a couple of classes

and he wasn’t too happy about it either

mainly because he had some of your friends on his tail for blasting you on social media and all of a sudden it was talk of the two friend groups and even in some other circles

but while he was getting told off for being immature about it and even about being teased about his clumsiness and somewhat recklessness (which got old real fast)

you were also getting constantly teased by your “boringness” but also some people had the audacity to actually stop inviting you to some things because they thought so

little did you know hendery was sort of in the same boat because they were afraid he’d break something and when he heard that boy did he really want to

and both of your indirect interactions with each other in that method only fueled the spite you had with the direct contact with each other

the next couple of classes you purposely would hit him with an arm when you had it swung out or maybe accidentally stepping on his toes

but he was also quick to make sure to “accidentally” not teach you the full dance to a song or even give you the entirely wrong song to dance to

but the instructor assumed that it was because you were logged from all the physics shenanigans so they wanted hendery to run it through with you during class

you were practically seething over a lunch with your friends about all of this and they gave you tired glances

ten was the only one who seemed unfazed, as he was the only one in the two circles with direct connections to both of you

“i just don’t understand why this keeps happening. if he just wasn’t so immature and keeps insulting me about my way of spending time with friends then i’d stop fighting back”

“but you started it”

“we didn’t know each other, ten! it was just some light jabbing” you scoff at that because it was just so annoying at this point “besides, he was so obnoxious in the first place”

ten gives you an encouraging pat on the back

you groan and say you haven’t been able to spend a good weekend of fun in a couple of weeks thanks to wary eyes or not knowing where the parties are

“didn’t know you could have fun~”

you also smack ten but his cheeky grin lets him get away with it, like it does every time

but he soon makes up for it by giving you the location and time of another party by a friend of his and that he’d be there to hang with you

by the time you got there he was already tearing it up on the dance floor after taking one too many

he was all the more excited to see you though and had jumped into your arms happily and was laughing the whole time

“hey, you made it! you won’t believe who-”

but he was whisked away before you knew it

so you left to get something to drink on your own

somebody you vaguely knew recognized you and started chatting with you on the way

“hey, haven’t i seen you around before?”

“yeah..... i think we took physics together?”

“oh right!!!! i remember, you transferred out right?”

you knew where this was going since they obviously wanted to sound smarter in this situation

they had been your lab partner and it totally sucked to hear them complain about having someone ‘not competent enough to do anything’ as a partner

you only nod and listen to them ramble a little more, looking for someone familiar to latch onto so you could leave this conversation

until you heard

“i didn’t know you went to parties”

“uhhhh....... what made you think that?”

they shrug and they look amused to keep making jabs at you

“well, i heard you were kind of a stick in the mud. not to mention you don’t really do much at parties, so i figured it wasn’t your scene”

“what? excuse me??”

“oh. well i thought since you were a little slow in class then you wouldn’t be doing anything besides standing around. the dorm’s more your place, yeah?”

before you can go off on the dude, the person’s shoved against the wall and they’re not going anywhere

especially when hendery’s face is in theirs

“that’s enough, buddy. you’re a little harsh, no?”

they give out a nervous laugh and look around to see if anybody is going to come to their aid, but the others have decided to keep moving and ignore what’s going on

you on the other hand are shocked to find that hendery’s here, much more that he’s defending you in a sense

“whatT? didn’t you...... you know, start all of this?”

hendery rolls his eyes but shoves a little harder

you hate to say it, but you were feeling pretty proud of this

“first of all, they did”

“hey!”

“but second of all, you’ve been skating on thin ice ever since you thought it’d be funny to start insulting someone as your first interaction”

“that’s RICH coming from you” and the person’s right, but they’re also toeing the line reeeeeal far with agitating hendery

“oh yeah? i didn’t realize how much of a stuck up twerp i sounded like before i heard those words coming out of your mouth”

you merely watch on and hendery takes a glance out of the corner of his eye to look at you

there’s a hard glare in his eyes but they soften a bit once you come into sight

you’re................... confused????

but you also recognize the anger in his eyes since the person also began jabbing at hendery, so you were prepared for his next line

“by the way... you hungry?”

“huh?”

and hendery had raised his fist up and the person recoiled hard

but it never made contact.....

they timidly looked up to see the fist

he scoffed and straighted out his clothes as he backed away

“yeah, don’t act though if it’s just that. an act”

he walks away from the person and heads for you

“come on, let’s get you a drink”

you just stand there as he searches around for an empty cup and fills it with water quickly before walking you outside

you didn’t need to be pulled along to follow with him

you wanted answers

by the time you’re outside you just give him an expecting look with your eyebrows raised and he seems almost frustrated to admit his thoughts

“what, cat got your tongue this time?”

he chuckles as he remembers that one instance in the dance studio together but he hums, thinking of his next words

“i mean, i’m not sure how else to phrase it”

“i can wait. i don’t do much besides not have fun anyways”

at this he hangs his head

“okay, well i do feel bad about that. i didn’t realize how harsh those words all sounded until it was being played back to me”

“it took this long to figure out why i was upset by it and not just me being a ‘stick in the mud’?“

he nods and you can see instead of irritation.... there’s sincerity in his eyes now

a.......... sudden, but also welcome change

“yeah... well! no, not really.......... i kind of thought it was childish to keep this whole fighting thing going on, so......”

“why keep it on then?”

he shrugs and looks away, almost like he was embarrassed

“i......... really, really............. really liked the fiery look in your eyes whenever we’d bicker”

you laugh at that this time

“you thought it was hot?”

he almost whines out a “kinda!” but then groans and mumbles

your mischievous look makes him throw his hands up and he’s frustrated again but this time there’s a civil air between you two.... almost...... flirtatious

“yes! i thought it was attractive most of the way through... but even when you’re not mad..... you’re still pretty cute”

you find yourself blushing even though you’re practically glowing in amusement, but then you find yourself turning practically red when he defends himself with an almost equally red face

“and don’t lie!! i know you think i’m attractive too. i saw the way you were eyeing me when i was telling that person off. i was all macho man and you were swooning!”

“i was not!”

“i literally said don’t lie, didn’t i!”

and you keep throwing bickering comments back and forth, but it’s amusing and you both...... like it

after a while there’s a silence in between you before you make a light jab at hendery.... only this time it’s in a soft teasing kind of way

one that the both of you can stand and put smiles on your faces instead

“so you weren’t too chicken to actually land the hit?”

“shut up, i’ll fight if i have to”

“aww, even for me?”

and he’s silent at that but there’s a slight tint of pink you can make out from the lights outside

he purses his lips and decides now is the time to make the move to patch things between you two

“i still think there’s apologies left to be said”

“from both of us?”

“..... yeah”

and you hate to admit that you’ve also been super immature about it, but you’re pretty glad that it’s getting moved past now

but it was so awkward to just do this so suddenly

he notices the tension in between you and decides to make the first move

“okay........ let’s just start over..... hi, i’m hendery. i’ve seen you before. i’m the TA of your advanced hip hop class, right?”

“right! i think i can recall you staring at my butt a couple of times”

“shut up!!” he pushes you slightly but his grin tells you he’s not that shy to admit it and he’s goofing around now “besides...... can’t lie you’re kinda cute though”

and suddenly there’s a crash behind the two of you and you see ten bounding his way for you

“i cannOT believe it, wow! the two of you together and not ripping each other apart. BUT I knEW this would happen”

and you just look at each other like ?????????? huh?????

“that you would look so cUtE together!!!!! everything turned out juuuust right, like i thought it would since the beginning”

and all of a sudden you both made ten explain everything to the both of you

because ten had shared the initial stories to the other person, not thinking it’d go down like this

but most of it was forgiven since you were more distracted by hendery leaning against the railing and having that as an excuse to wrap his arm around you

and you were practically leaning into his side since it was ‘too cold outside’ while you were listening to ten ramble on and on about how his plan ended up being messy but he was living for it

while the both of you gave him an earful about how setting the two of you up could have been done where you didn’t hurt each other’s feelings for so long, he shut you up quickly with a

“oh please, you two bickered like an old married couple. with the way you guys act just get married already! some of those sparks weren’t just angry, there was some love in there too!”

“ten!”

“and do NOT get me started on the sexual tension-”

“TEN!”

#elli writes #nct #wayv #hendery #nct imagines #nct scenarios #wayv imagines #wayv scenarios #hendery imagines #hendery scenarios #nct angst #wayv angst #hendery angst #angst #neutral pronouns #enemies to lovers au

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albatris · 3 years

Note

ik this is probably an inappropriate question to ask but i deal with stpd and just recently discovered this. Previously thought it was just depression/anxiety but ive been on like 7 antidepressants/2 of which were more geared towards anxiety. I was wondering if you take any meds or have any advice you might recommend. Id really appreciate it. Im running out of ideas lol.( Sorry to bother and thank you)

nah you’re all good, I don’t have any problem with questions like this n I’m happy to share any experiences of mine that people might find useful!! though in this case idk how much help I’ll be, sorry D:

mostly about meds but my bad for goin on a whole ramble in the middle about therapy?? I talk a lot and have trouble staying on topic

'cause meds n therapy both have been useful to me but both probably would've been pretty useless without the other

under cut for personal rambles

so I was in the same boat as you for several years, I was in treatment for depression and anxiety and then borderline later on, way way way before anyone landed on schizotypal

as such I’ve been obviously dealing with stpd symptoms for basically my whole life but I only got diagnosed early last year n it’s the first time I’ve been. like. actually in any sort of therapy that addresses it properly and I’m still getting a feel for it

in terms of meds, I’ve been on a whole slew of different antidepressants, didn’t find one that worked until I was maybe 18 or 19? so I’ve been on the highest dose mirtazapine since then....... helps with that kinda baseline anxiety background hum, helps with obsessions and guilt spirals..... I didn’t think it did much for depression until I tried coming off it??

like, it gave me a slight boost in terms of energy and motivation, not a huge one, but definitely noticeable once it was gone

but yeah, it was kinda..... yeah, this med is about as helpful as I’m gonna get, so I decided to stick with it. I recently have considered coming off it ‘cause the sedation was a nightmare, but that’s on hold for the time being

I’ve been on two different antipsychotics, first quetiapine, which did absolutely nothing and was even more sedating on top of the mirtazapine, and currently I’m starting on aripiprazole. still on a super low dose, but working up to something that will hopefully ease some psychotic symptoms. side effects of insomnia and nausea but eased off mostly after the first week

but yeah, I haven’t really had much experience with antipsychotics or how helpful they are yet, atm I’m gonna wait and see whether there’s any real positive effects

but meds are super hard to give advice about, ‘cause different ones work for different folks, what works for me might not for you, what works for you might be something I tried and hated, etc etc etc, y’know

honestly the most helpful thing for me has been therapy, I’ve pretty much been in therapy since I was like 5 and I’ve done a lot of it

meds might be helpful to some people on their own but for me I think they would have been mainly useless without some form of therapy

meds kinda helped with some of the “edges” ie, the resulting depression and anxiety of the personality disorder, hopefully will help with some psychotic symptoms too, therapy has also helped with some of these issues on the edges, and I’m currently addressing some of the more specifically schizotypal core issues, although I will likely have to continue doing the work on those issues for most of my life

if you have a good doctor who listens to you, if you want to continue trying out meds then you might still find one that helps you out! I don’t really have a lot of advice here, because the effects can be so different from person to person. but I’ve found that meds only help on a really small scale, they kind of take a little bit of the weight off but it’s still a whole lot of heavy lifting on my own

so therapy was real good for some of that stuff too, skills for easing some of the load. therapy for me involved Other People, but for others it could involve other resources, such as online workbooks n that kind of thing....... ‘cause I know personally for me I fuckin HATE meeting new people and having to bare my soul for them, so therapy gets. interesting

and I know therapy is not realistic for some folks (and also not what this question was about but I��m just rambling now)

n I know especially that that shit gets fucking HARD when any sort of psychosis and paranoia is involved, in terms of stpd, I flat out refused to speak about certain symptoms with professionals due to paranoia and fear, and had a lot of issues trying to come into a therapy environment and immediately having complete strangers be like “ok tell me about what’s up”

like, no???? fuck off?? I don’t even know you??

n until recently all my therapies where only tangentially useful as a schizotypal, like, I did a bunch of social anxiety stuff which helped with some of the surface level day-to-day social anxiety (not so much the more deep-seated stpd social anxiety, that whole “it gets worse the closer you get to people” type, very fun), I did a lot of work around depression and suicidal urges and goals and meaningful living and whatnot, I did DBT which also encompassed a lot of work on interpersonal skills and handling dissociation and paranoia

n like. some of it was helpful? none of it got to the core of the issue or addressed what I really needed to address

I got super lucky with my current psychiatrist in that she was someone I already knew for around a year and a half beforehand ‘cause she helped out in my DBT group therapy. so I was able to get a feel for what kind of person she was beforehand and got to find my feet in trusting her in a more distanced context before entering one on one therapy. she also specialises in personality disorders and was the one who actually diagnosed me so it wasn’t like she was like “oh you’re definitely schizotypal, I’m gonna just pan you off to someone more experienced now” which was nice

she’s also the one who’s helping me out with meds currently

but ya, therapy can be A Lot, ‘specially for schizotypals who tend to isolate and get uncomfy in those vulnerable scenarios. in order to make the most out of it I have to practice an extremely uncomfortable sort of “radical openness” which is like..... well, I’ve spent most of my life being miserable and unhappy and feeling trapped and stuck in these patterns, and this has gotten me nowhere, in order for something to change I need to be radically open about my experiences

which gets HARD because the knee-jerk reaction to paranoia and delusions is often to pull back and isolate, and often I’ve struggled with the idea that it’s not “safe” to speak about certain things or that something bad will happen if I do

so it’s difficult, but I have to continually commit myself to being open and placing myself in intensely uncomfortable scenarios, getting used to the idea of trust being An Action, and practicing trust even when I don’t necessarily Feel It

that’s been a really helpful outlook for me and the only thing that’s kept me involved with therapy and meds and treatment. idk if it’ll be useful to others. I also know that some therapists and psychiatrists are shit and being radically open with the wrong people can be a nightmare

but it’s something that applies in my other relationships too and with my relationship to myself, so. *shrug emoji*

but yeah. that’s been what’s helpful for me

meds do a little bit of the work, but honestly I still have to pull a fuckload of the weight on my own, I kinda got to the point with meds where I was just like “ok this is obviously as good as it’s gonna get” and just stuck with it......... which is kind of a bummer of an answer

ik that kinda turned into a whole unrelated ramble in the middle there but I hope this kinda answers a bit of your question maybe or maybe not ‘cause I don’t really know what I’m doing

but also

I hope you have a nice day

#sorry this is such a rambling wishy-washy answer #tl;dr meds r good but sometimes shit. therapy is good but sometimes shit #like both have probably been really instrumental to me in learning how to manage my symptoms #but also #both can be a nightmare #also idk if this made any sense at all it's a bit of an all-over-the-place response #n bits of it aren't really relevant i don't think #schizotypal #Anonymous

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ugdohyun · 3 years

Text

let’s get it 😤

mun info

name/alias: ej age: 18 + pronouns: she/her/hers timezone: est (gmt-5? 4? wtf is daylights savings???) discord: cozyboy#6004 little trivia fact: tbh i’m a k-hiphop/rnb junkie so watch me pretend like i can rock lol

character info

character name: nam dohyun age: 25 zodiac sign: cancer (meh, is this even accurate? tbd) group/band/position: singer & rhythm guitarist for CTRL info links or quick points about your character: half-baked stats and bio are up. apologies for the messy messy bio; messy me was racing against the app deadline lmao. so instead, here are way too many tldr points about the boy:

background

born to a borderline chaebol mother and a borderline b-list rockstar father who really shouldn’t have gotten married at all; but it’s a shotgun wedding made possible by the conception of ~yours truly~

his dad is quite literally terrible and among many things, a serial adulterer. the man leaves (more like kicked out at last...) when dohyun is no older than ten. nam is actually his mother’s last name, which he takes thereafter

does dohyun have daddy issues, you might ask? ermmm well, let’s just say he doesn’t even know or remember the man well enough to hate or miss him so it’s whatever

spoiled growing up b/c his family pities how he’s fatherless. but probably they’re more worried that if they don’t ‘love him enough’ (read: expensive gifts and lots of nagging) dohyun will end up like his good-for-nothing father *shudders in rich grandparent* ... but he just plays this weird leverage game with them to do whatever he wants, running around with his ragtag bands and whatnot

in reality, there’s a lot of gaslighting in both directions. an implicit cloud of blame and pity looms over dohyun’s head, like ‘damn if u didn’t pop into ur mommy’s womb, none of this would have ever happened.’ idk, he’s a living reminder of the most shameful thing that’s happened to this family. everyone’s hoping that dohyun’s not like his dad but deep inside, they kinda believe he’s fated to suck anyways...

prime piece of evidence no. 1: why the hell is he doing this rockstar thing ??? dohyun realizes it’s pretty shitty to do this to his mom and whoever else but... it just feels right. ‘music is my life’ yadada but it’s also just fun, and he thinks he’s pretty good at it. the continued chain of success and unexpected fame from his various musical stints seem to agree. sure he had to burn some bridges and breach a whole lot of trust with his family to get where he is but come on -- they thought he was going to be a huge bust anyways, no? just meeting expectations!

personality

dohyun can be... other-worldly. 4d, sure. he’s in his own realm a lot of the time. like everyone else around him is on one orbit? he’s on a one-man spaceship vibing on another. doesn’t mean he’s clueless though; he’s actually extremely perceptive (just cancer things... or the result of sussing and being sussed out by his family his entire life) but will pretend like he doesn’t notice things b/c it’s more convenient to not care

often told he has a natural charisma which helps as as a performer, i guess. but more than likely it’s just (1) his face (ngl he knows he’s pretty) or (2) people stick around b/c they want to see what wack ass shit he’s going to do or say next. definitely a bit of a showman in that regard. anyways, he’s probably a fun guy to be around?

his whole ‘larger than life’ public image is not fake per say, but dohyun in intimate settings is more of a grandpa soul than you’d think. gets very excited and also very existentially tired about things rather quickly. probably an introvert at heart who is way too talented at being an extrovert

funky antics and ‘cool kid’ vibes largely hide the fact that he does have aspirations / desires (he’s serious about his music and what he’s doing in the indie scene; ctrl is hitting big and he’s seemingly getting places) as well as really dark thoughts and insecurities shh

super open guy without actually being open. definitely that guy you think you know really well until you really start to think about it... and realize you really don’t know him at all. damn. he’ll often listen to others and lend them a shoulder to lean on or pour them a shot, but will never seek it out for himself. really his upbringing has made it difficult for him to receive affection or care without being skeptical af or feeling like he’s being pitied

he’s got a lot of growing and soul-searching to do / i’m still figuring stuff out and would love for u all to be part of it <3

wanted connections

umm page to come eventually but some quick ideas i’d like to see for dohyun:

ctrl bandmates! so many fun dynamics and moments we should figure out -- very ready to make all the other bands jealous heh

a real trooper friend and confidant who doesn’t give up on him, even when he’s being a little dodgy shit

a squad to just set hongdae on fire with -- not literally but figuratively. like live for the nights you won’t remember ayy

exes, flames, 'are we just friends?’, one-sided(?) crushes, and any variants. dohyun is entranced by the idea of love but is trash at it in practice (genetics, right? an empty excuse for his actual rship problems lol). definitely breaks hearts but gets his own smashed way harder so it’s even, okay?!

i really dig a good childhood friends trope; whether that’s like friends to lovers(?) or enemies or rivals or ‘how the hell are you two friends’ or whatever

someone he keeps running into in the most awkward or embarrassing situations only

someone who sees through his bs; and vice versa

musical collaborators, rivalries, mutual fans, anything really; “um i think i liked you better on stage / you are not what i expected” moments?

an antagonist. sorry this is vague af, but point being: i’m good with ‘negative’ plots too!

i swear i’m better at this 1-on-1, so please! let’s chat it up!

#UG.TALK #//ooc

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lost-in-time-marie · 4 years

Text

Into the Shadows: Chapter Six

I stared at my reflection in the mirror attempting to recognize myself underneath the black bandit style mask (a replica of my shadowy hero’s) and knee length black dress. There was the familiar splash of brown hair, falling in loose careful waves to my shoulder. My hazel eyes could be seen, somehow more striking than before, thanks to the black mask surrounding them. My pale skin glowed in stark contrast to the plain dress. Perhaps it was just the fact that I was going to a haunted house that made my stomach curl or maybe the mask was giving me PTSD about the two times I’d been attacked and then rescued by some unknown hero, but I knew in my bones, without room for doubt, that tonight would not be fun as Natasha, James, and Aleks had promised.

Halloween had finally arrived, a fact I would normally be overjoyed by, Halloween being my second favorite holiday, the only day all year you could be anyone but yourself and no one could judge you for it. The haunted house our school was putting on was making me uneasy, that’s what I kept telling myself anyways. I even forced Natasha, Sam, Aleks, and Katy to join the set-up committee with me, that way I would know all the surprises and plans so I couldn’t really get frightened when I actually went.

“Pull yourself together, Kristin. You’re being ridiculous. Nothing is going to happen, it’s just a haunted house!” I muttered to myself, forcing myself to take three deep breaths. That helped, by the time Natasha honked her horn out front, I was marginally calmer and managed some excitement for tonight. This would be a great Halloween; I silenced any thought or feeling that disputed that fact.

“You excited to see you lover?” Natasha teased, as I slid easily into the black, leather interior of her car. Natasha had been nearly incorrigible since I announced my impending date with James.

I rolled my eyes, “You’re hilarious,” I muttered, in no mood for such cracks about James.

“So, are you crazy excited for tonight?” She grinned, her whole face lighting with excitement.

“Woo!” I said, monotonous and unenthusiastic. Natasha scowled at me, but she didn’t have time for a lecture, as we pulled into the school then and hunted for a parking space. I groaned internally. This was going to be bad, I don’t know why and I don’t know how, but it’s going to be bad.

“Hey, I’m going to hunt down Aleks. Wait right here,” said Natasha as we arrived at the now spooky main hall of the school, before snaking through the pack of awaiting students. I sighed and hugged myself in the cramped corner of the dim, cobweb covered entrance. This wasn’t the part of the school I had decorated, but I could see they really went all out for this. Spiders hung from the ceiling, eerie music played in the background, skeletons’ creepy grins poked around corners; even peoples’ costumes were done to the nines. There were vampires, witches, zombies; every horror movie flick imaginable met in this cramped hall waiting to be unleashed upon the rest of the school. The whole thing made my skin crawl. The brick building suddenly seemed even more imposing in the dark, it didn’t feel natural to be on campus at 8pm at night.

“Hey, don’t you look comfortable,” Katy teased with a bright smile, coming to stand beside me.

I rolled my eyes, but couldn’t help smiling in return. “Well, you know how I’m so fond of cramped spaces and scary movies. It’s like my two favorite things collided,” I joked sarcastically, already feeling better with her there.

Katy laughed, “Don’t be a baby. Have a little fun. So, what do you think of my costume?” she asked, giving a small twirl in the room allowed. I realized her black hair was pulled back by a simple black headband, and her round figure concealed by a conservative, white church dress, topped off with a leather-bound Bible in her arms.

I busted out laughing. “I see you were feeling ironic this Halloween,” I said. Katy was a well-known atheist, constantly spouting religious arguments and disproving Bible passages. She played up the Bible-thumping, churchgoer to a T.

Katy smiled pleasantly and curtseyed. “And what are you supposed to be?” she asked, eyeing my simple ensemble.

I rolled my eyes, recognizing the I-should-have-dressed-you look. “A masked figure,” I beamed, enjoying my own private joke. Katy simply raised a brow and shook her head, accustomed to my odd tendencies.

“So what’s been going on with you and James?” She asked, winking and giggling. I sighed. Katy and Natasha hated each other, but they were remarkably similar. I wasn’t ready for round two of this interrogation.

“Why is everyone suddenly determined to get me a boyfriend? I don’t date, Katy, you know that,” I snapped at her unintentionally. It wasn’t her fault this was the second time I was hearing this, I reminded myself, trying to reign in my annoyance. She groaned.

“Yeah, but you could. James sounds absolutely perfect for you. You couldn’t possibly be afraid of dating him; it’s all just too perfect! Practically what you wished for on a silver platter,” She argued with a deep scowl.

“James is really great, but I don’t know…I just can’t,” I hedged, shrugging. Katy narrowed her eyes at me, clearly suspecting something was afoot, but thankfully Natasha was approaching us with Aleks- feigning mock annoyance to hide his delight- in tow. That was all the signal Katy needed, she jetted away with a quick goodbye.

“Eww, were you talking to Katy?” Natasha asked, wrinkling her nose.

I rolled my eyes and ignored her. “Aleks, are you seriously dressed as Vladimir Lenin?” I asked, laughing.

“He was a great leader of Mother Russia,” Aleks replied with a grin, flashing all his pearly white teeth, and emphasizing his thick Russian accent. Sure enough, he stood before me in a fake beard and suit. I shook my head and laughed.

“Hey, Natasha’s dressed like a hippy, so you can’t really make fun of me,” Aleks teased her, nudging her shoulder, and pulling the attention off himself. I took in Natasha’s costume for the first time. She wore a tie-dyed t-shirt and bell bottoms, had her unruly hair wrangled by a headband, and a peace sign necklace hung from her neck.

“That is true,” I agreed. Natasha batted my arm playfully; we bantered like that for only a minute or so more before a teacher announced on the intercom several rules of conduct for the evening, and finally, the long awaited go ahead to explore our haunted campus.

I had to admit, we did a pretty good job decorating the school, it was seriously sinister. Despite having helped set up, I still screamed a few times at different monsters jumping out and fake spiders touching me. It was a lot of fun, I enjoyed the company of my friends, I almost forgot the sense of impending doom I had started the night with. As the night went on, I noticed Natasha drawing nearer and nearer to Aleks and took that as my cue to leave.

“Why don’t you guys head to the cafeteria for food and whatnot while I see if I can find James?” I suggested. Natasha smiled and nodded gratefully while Aleks just shrugged, okay with anything. We said our goodbyes and promised to meet up soon. I headed in the opposite direction, not really looking for James, just wanting to give Natasha some space and alone time with Aleks. A tight sensation snaked around my chest, strangely suffocating, an unexpected, yet familiar, side effect of being around such sickly-sweet romance and purely innocent puppy love. I could tell she liked him dearly, and, to be honest, seeing people all lovey-dovey in relationships made me want to hurl these days.

While wandering aimlessly, lost in thought, through the dark halls and classrooms filled with costumed students, coffins, skeletons, ghosts, and other monstrous props, I ran smack into something. Something hard and sturdy, I fell right on my butt and what I ran into did not even budge. For half a second, I wondered if I’d gotten so lost in thought I’d actually run into a wall, but then I heard a familiar small, high voice.

“Is she going to be okay?” The familiar voice asked.

“Yes, she’ll be just fine. Believe it or not, this is actually the second time she’s run into me because she wasn’t paying attention,” Another deeper, even more familiar voice teased. My eyes snapped open.

“It’s not my fault you don’t say anything, you just stand there and let me crash into you,” I fumed, staring up at the identical faces of Ryder and Robbie. I might have found it comical how they were looking down at me and making the same bemused facial expression, but I was too embarrassed to really appreciate it. Ryder rolled his eyes, but was unable to hide the smallest smile turning up the corner of his lips. He grabbed underneath my arms and easily hoisted me upright, before quickly letting go and stepping back.

“Hello, Kristin, are you having fun?” Robbie asked unusually bright, grabbing my hand and then Ryder’s, tugging us along with him.

“Robbie, Kristin might have somewhere else to go, don’t just drag her along,” Ryder chastised, halting Robbie and casting him a disapproving look. “Aww, do you have somewhere to go?” Robbie asked glumly, his pink bottom lip puckering, sad, blue eyes devoid of the happiness I previously saw there.

“No, it’s okay, Robbie, I’ll come along with you guys if you want,” I said, looking at Ryder with a raised brow. He shrugged nonchalantly and looked to Robbie to make the decision. Robbie grinned, instantly happy again.

“Yay! Let’s go get candy!” exclaimed Robbie, releasing our hands and running ahead of us in the direction of the cafeteria, his one-track mind already fleeting to another subject.

“You can have a little bit, but don’t run ahead too far, stay where I can see you!” Ryder called after Robbie, sounding, and looking, very much like a concerned father. There was something intriguing about the little flashes of the real Ryder I got see behind the mask he always wore. I could tell that this Ryder was truly him, that every day he walked around with a solid, emotionless mask on. For what reason I was still unsure, but I was certain the real Ryder was fun and beautiful, the kind of person that attracted other people, like a moth to flame. I wanted to know that person. I never could back down from a challenge. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Ryder and I were not friends, I still harbored a strong dislike for him, and he for me, but curiosity often got the best of me.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Ryder asked, amused. I realized I’d been staring at him and felt a blush creep up my face.

“Sorry, I was just thinking,” I said, sheepish, turning my gaze to the floor.

“About what?” Ryder asked, curious, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking ahead after Robbie, who was winding his way through the crowd.

“Lots of things, like always; this event, school, things like that,” I responded with a shrug. Ryder chuckled. My head snapped to him in shock, it was rare for him to show any emotion, even in private, but at a public function such as this? It had never happened as far as I knew. He pretended not to notice. A full smile warmed his sharp, pale face and melted his usually hard eyes into glowing green embers.

“You have this remarkable way of answering questions without actually sharing any information about yourself,” He commented, casting me a wry look. I laughed.

“You are more perceptive than most. I was thinking about how you act very much like a father to Robbie, more so than an older brother,” I answered more honestly this time. Ryder’s face darkened instantly, like a storm cloud covering the sun. Regret instantly panged my stomach. I had allowed myself to enjoy Ryder’s company for a brief moment, and I managed to ruin it just as quickly. I wondered after a minute of suffocating silence if he would respond.

“Our parents…died,” he said, voice thick and heavy with sorrow, “it wasn’t very long ago. We lived in Washington, D.C, before this. My father was a scientist in a military lab, there was an accident and he was just gone. My mother died of a broken heart; they were so in love; she just couldn’t deal. She became so sick. My uncle and father were very close, he lives here on Long Island; he took us in. He truly is a great man; I owe him so much. Robbie was very upset, we all were, but he was missing something in his life, he was missing a father, and my uncle tried his best, but he just isn’t the same as our dad. I’ve tried very hard ever since then to fill that hole for Robbie. He’s gotten better, especially lately,” Ryder finished, struggling to keep his voice even. I stared for a minute just trying to process this tragedy, the hurt and depression were evident in Ryder’s hollow voice, dark eyes, and pained face, even his stance grew more hunched, as if some unknown weight were beating upon him, and as I studied him, I realized I recognized that feeling. The feeling of a weight you cannot hope to bear on your own, so obvious to you, but invisible to the world, the kind of burden that seeped into your bones until you were made of cement just trudging along, fighting for every breath, every moving muscle. This overwhelming emotion nearly made me double over, suddenly sitting heavy on my chest.

I fought for composure before answering. “I can’t even begin to imagine having to bear all that for your brother, it sounds as though you were very close to your parents,” I attempted, swallowing the lump forming in my throat. We stared at each other for a moment, somehow kindred spirits in our unknown tragedies.

Suddenly Ryder smiled, a small, sad smile, just the slightest lifting of the corners of his pink lips. “Thank you,” he said in a soft voice, “For understanding and not saying sorry. I know people are sorry it happened, but sorry sounds too much like pity. I don’t want pity, and neither would my parents. I’m sure I sound crazy, but thank you.” He ranted, all in one breath. I returned his smile with one of equal sadness. He wasn’t crazy; I understood exactly what he meant. Everyone said sorry when someone died, but it didn’t make anything better and they didn’t really understand. Sorry was often just disguised pity, and I never, no matter what tragedies I endured, wanted pity. And if I didn’t want that pity, I didn’t really imagine too many other people were deserving of it either. I think Ryder could see that somewhere in my face.

I cleared my throat, attempting to change the subject. “So where’s your costume?” I asked, scrutinizing his casual jeans, grey t-shirt, and black converse.

“I’m a stone statue of course, this girl I know told me once that I always look like a statue, frozen and stoic,” Ryder teased, pausing in place and hardening his face and tensing his muscles, transforming before my eyes into the familiar cold Ryder I’d grown so used to. I laughed, and though he kept his composed face, his lighthearted air remained. I could tell our previous conversation was a very secret subject that would never come up again. I found myself glad. I was curious about Ryder’s past and I spent so many days seeking this kind of explanation for his cold mannerisms, but seeing Ryder in so much pain was almost disturbing. The urge to reach out, to help, was overpowering. Natasha always said I was a sucker for lost causes, the savior of sinners and the damned.

“Oh, well, that girl obviously knew what she was talking about,” I grinned and nudged his shoulder. He laughed. It was a musical sound, oddly comforting and relaxing; I hoped for some bizarre reason that I would hear it more often. I became aware then, that I was the most relaxed I had been all night walking through these halls with Ryder.

“Robbie! Not so much candy, you’ll make yourself sick,” Ryder scolded with a soft smile as we finally entered the cafeteria and found Robbie loading himself down by the fistful with sweets. It was brighter in here and tables all along the walls were covered with sodas, punches, candy, sweets, and other delicious treats. Robbie was quickly darting around and stuffing his face with a little of everything. I laughed as Ryder stole bits of food from Robbie, who would then scowl at him so seriously, as if Ryder were stealing prized jewels from his personal safe.

“Kristin! There you are, I’ve been searching everywhere for you,” Natasha called, pushing through a crowd of people, Aleks following quietly behind.

“Oh, sorry, I got caught up,” I replied, gesturing to Ryder and Robbie, who now ceased bickering and stood beside me in stiff silence. Robbie waved shyly and half hid behind Ryder’s leg, Ryder gave a curt nod, his face and attitude totally reverted to cold, “stone statue” mode.

“We found James by the way; he’s been in the cafeteria the whole time. Sorry you had to spend all that time searching,” Natasha apologized. James slid his way through the crowd then and came to stand with us. Ryder’s face hardened perceptibly, I wondered how his teeth didn’t turn to dust from how hard he was clenching them together. Jeez, if looks could kill.

“We have to be going. See you around, Kristin.” Ryder said harshly, his words like daggers.

“Bye,” I whispered, staring at Ryder’s retreating form. Robbie cast one heartbreaking look at me, almost as if I betrayed him, before fleeing with his brother. I liked to think I was growing accustomed to Ryder’s abrupt shifts in mood, but every time he shifted gears, I found myself whirling in his wake.

“What did he want?” James asked casually, but I detected the slightest edge to his voice.

“Nothing, I ran into him, literally, and we just talked and walked to the cafeteria together,” I responded with a shrug, confused by the sudden change in Ryder’s attitude and the overly harsh, rude way he responded to James. Even James, easygoing and carefree, seemed to aim a certain tense, harshness at Ryder. It was exactly like when the three of us worked together for the Psychology project. James hadn’t liked Ryder from the beginning, and Ryder didn’t like anyone, but their dislike seemed to intensify overnight to sheer hatred of one another. I wondered if perhaps my imagination was getting the better of me again. Surely that was just Ryder’s usual distaste for everyone, and if I could hate Ryder so quickly on the first day of school, James could too. That was it, I was imagining the personal edge to their slights, I tried comforting myself unsuccessfully.

James nodded casually before Natasha expertly steered the conversation to safer waters. I shoved these confusing thoughts from my mind and attempted to enjoy my time with my friends. We stayed in the cafeteria for a little longer, chatting easily and munching on snacks.

“Hey, we should go see the dungeon exhibit, I want to see what it looks like now that it’s all set up,” Aleks suggested after a while.

“I know! We did such a good job replicating those torture devices!” Natasha boasted excitedly, already dragging us to the exit of the cafeteria.

“Natasha, I’m not sure that’s something you should be proud of,” I joked. We bust into laughter and started down the hall to the classroom where that exhibit had been set up.

James casually shrugged his arm over my shoulder as we entered the dungeon exhibit, a gesture I would normally have been delighted by, but today felt somehow heavy and possessive. I distracted myself by watching Natasha and Aleks. A little ahead, I noticed Natasha grab Aleks’s hand when she squealed in surprise at a skeleton jumping out at her. I caught Aleks’ soft gaze directed toward their intwined hands and the small smile of pleasure that briefly flashed across his face. I would have to remember to report my findings to Natasha, lest she accuse me of being derelict in my best friend duties.

James noticed the direction of my gaze, “Would you stop worrying about everyone else for a change and just enjoy yourself?” He chastised with a smile. I gave a small laugh and leaned into him further as we followed the twisting path of the exhibit.

“I’m sorry I can’t help it, what would you have me focus my attention on?” I teased, staring up at him through my thick, black lashes, in a poor attempt at flirting. I still hadn’t made up my mind about James, it seemed I always had more questions for him than I ever did answers, but maybe everyone was right. I should relax and appreciate the attention of an honestly good guy, god knows those are hard to find.

He responded with a seductive smile, leaning over to whisper in my ear in a smooth, low voice, “I can think of a few things.” I smiled and a bright red blush crept up my skin. I let my wavy brown hair cascade around my face, hiding my embarrassment.

“Oh, Kristin, I left my wallet in the car, but I really want to buy a picture of all of us here tonight, can you run back and get it?” Natasha pleaded. I jumped untangling myself from James, not realizing she had turned back for us.

“Yeah, sure, I’ll be right back,” I answered, trying not to look so guilty.

“I can go with you,” James offered, looking a little too pleased with himself.

“Thank you, but I’ll be alright, keep enjoying the exhibits, I’ll meet back up with you guys in just a few minutes,” I quickly waved off his offer, before turning and weaving my way back out of the exhibit to the front of the school. I was thankful for the chance to get some air and organize my very confused and messy thoughts. It was easy to brush off my interactions with James to Natasha and Katy, but another thing entirely when he acted as he did tonight. I found myself unable to control my heart rate and my limbs felt shaky and unsteady. I reached the school’s entrance quickly, without even noticing it, as I was wrapped in my thoughts. James had something going on with his dad and was clearly hitting on me, but as of yet, I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Ryder had a sad past and was just starting to resemble a human being, but he still irritated me with his superior attitude and unwillingness to associate with anyone, not to mention the strange drama playing out between him and James. That was definitely something I had to get to the bottom of. I hadn’t seen my masked hero since my birthday, I was surprised to find I actually missed him and still burned with curiosity about who he was and what he was doing and how he was always saving me, yet another mystery that needed solving. Natasha and Aleks’s relationship also seemed to be heading in a good direction; I wonder how I can help shove that in the right direction for her? The whirlwind taking place inside my mind was quickly making me dizzy and setting me on the brink of panic. I was holding too may loose ends of ropes and didn’t have nearly enough to tie any firm knots.

With so many thoughts on my mind, it didn’t even occur to me to look for cars as I crossed the street to get to Natasha’s Prius, my goal was in sight and I charged after it, foolhardy. Headlights speeding around the corner of the dark, ill-lit road in front of the school blinded me then. I froze and tensed as the speeding car headed right for me. My eyes squeezed shut and braced for impact. A great force slammed into me suddenly, at first, I thought it was the car, but it came from behind me, not my side. All logical thought quickly fled after that. My head slammed into something hard and the breath was knocked from my lungs. I peeled my eyes open in time to see the car speed away down the road, burning rubber in its wake. I realized I was lying on the opposite side of the road in the wet grass, a heavy weight on top of me.

“Are you alright?” A figure asked, from above me. I understood now. Someone pushed me out of the way. And not just someone. I knew that voice, it was the familiar worried voice that always found me when I was in danger. The figure was pinning me to the ground, saving my life for a third time.

“Oh, never better,” I joked, not managing an effective sarcastic voice. My head was splitting, I could barely think through the pain. The figure flashed a bright smile. That was all I could see through the black spots dancing on my eyes.

“Yes, I can see, so I guess you have no need for my assistance then?” He teased lightly.

“Don’t be an ass,” I breathed, attempting to scowl. The blackness was converging on my vision; I couldn’t see even a glimpse of my hero anymore. I heard him chuckle softly. How disappointing, the first time he is close enough to look at and I can’t even get my eyes to work properly.

“You hit your head pretty hard,” The figure said, his musical voice colored with worry now. Cold fingers pressed lightly on my forehead and I gasped as the pain knocked me breathless. “Very hard,” he amended in a tight voice. His cold, muscular arms slid under me, hoisting me up as if I weighed nothing. I sighed and leaned my head against his shoulder.

“Thank you,” I muttered under my breath. Then, for the second time that year, my world faded away into a peaceful darkness…

#writing #writers on tumblr #spilled writing #excerpt from a book I'll never write #excerpt from a story i'll never write #excerpt from a book i'll never finish #excerpts from my life #shortstory #short fiction #spilledink #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #spilled poetry #literature #lit #book #bookblr #intotheshadows

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doctorocsid · 4 years

Text

THE MAKING OF PHOENIX WRIGHT’S SECOND DAY OFF

Or: The Immense Struggle of Trying to Make Decent Content

A good year and a half. That’s how much time passed between me starting Phoenix Wright’s Second Day Off and me uploading it to YouTube. What a hell of a load off my back that was. If you couldn’t tell, making this video was a bit of an undertaking, to say the least. And by “undertaking” I mean “an exercise in pure agony”. So, I figured I’d do a bit of a writeup here so I can get across to you the absolute hell of an experience making this video was.

PART 1: THE INITIAL PLANNING STAGES

The original “Phoenix Wright’s Day Off” was released in February 2018 to, though not a lot of views, a generally very positive response. Despite its janky animation, people seemed to enjoy it for its complete ridiculousness, comedic timing, and overly-choreographed fighting. Not to mention literally being the only Ace Attorney-themed Garry’s Mod video ever made that actually uses the Ace Attorney characters. (I’m still the only person to ever do that as of the time of writing. Woohoo.)

Given the positive reception and the fact that I literally ended the video with a “To Be Continued”, I was ready as I could ever be to start work on a sequel. The first one only took me a couple weeks to make, so surely a sequel wouldn’t take much longer, right?

Oh, how wrong I was. Still, I started planning out exactly how things would go. Throwing around ideas in my head. I needed it to be bigger and better than the original, of course. How was I gonna do that? Well, my initial plan was, uh, misguided, to say the least. What I wanted to do at first was create the sequel entirely in Source Filmmaker, along with giving it a darker, more serious tone to contrast the ridiculous slapstick of the first. Not a great idea for a sequel to a video that mainly relied on throwing ragdolls around for comedy.

https://streamable.com/taxrn

The original intro for PW2DO, based off the intro for “Fargo”. A lot less cool-looking than the final intro I made. (Even though I intended the video to be made in SFM, I made the intro in Gmod solely because I could just film myself driving the car instead of having to animate it manually.)

The final intro was done in a not too difficult fashion - the characters were animated in Garry’s Mod on top of greenscreens, which I then imported into Premiere and changed to solid colors. Added some extra video effects I found in places. Set it to an instrumental of Propane Nightmares. I’m proud of how it turned out, mostly. I won’t deny after I introduced the characters I didn’t exactly know what else to do with it, so I just filled it with some random actiony shots I thought might look cool. Incidentally, this was the only part of the final video that was made in Premiere - the rest of it was just edited together in Vegas Pro. Which crashed many times during editing. Fun.

PART 2: THE PAINS OF INDECISION (AND ALSO SOURCE FILMMAKER)

Nonetheless, I got to work, despite not actually knowing how to use Source Filmmaker. “I’ll figure it out as I go along,” I figured. And over time, more or less, I managed to figure it out. Sort of. And by “figure it out” I mean “become subject to the true hell that is SFM”.

Let me give you some quick background here. SFM has two main editors for animation: The “motion editor”, and the “graph editor”. The motion editor uses a relatively easy-to-understand method of animating: you select an object you want to animate (a prop, weapon, ragdoll, etc), select the span of time in which you want the thing to move to its new destination, and then you move it to the new destination. Sounds simplistic, but can be used extensively to create good-looking animation. (I myself used this method for the bar fight in PW2DO.) The graph editor on the other hand, is much more involved, depending on the tried-and-true method of using keyframes for animation. Some people prefer this one because it allows you to directly edit and fine-tune each little animation curve to your liking.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUXnpk8xDLg

This unfinished PW2DO prototype was animated entirely with the graph editor in SFM.

Really, you can use either one for animating, whichever suits you best. For me, personally, the graph editor feels like something designed in the seventh circle of hell specifically to torture me. Why does adding a new keyframe screw up all my preexisting animation? Why does adding a new keyframe make the ragdoll’s bones stretch out to infinity? Those are just a couple questions I shouted at my computer screen while trying to figure it out.

Eventually, I just gave up. I came to terms both with the fact that I wasn’t satisfied with what I was making, and with the fact that trying to use SFM’s graph editor to animate was making me want to julienne my keyboard. (I hadn’t figured out, or really even considered the motion editor at the time.) “Screw it,” I said to myself. “I’ll do in Gmod, like the last one.”

PART 3: OH RIGHT, GMOD SUCKS TOO

The first PWDO was relatively simple to make, at least compared to the second one. There were two main tools I used: Stop Motion Helper (a tool for animating stuff within Gmod itself without the need for actual stop motion or whatnot), and the classic technique of “throw stuff around in front of the camera”. I had little to no experience doing 3D animation when making it, but it worked out anyway. It let me practice some camera framing stuff, too. All I was really doing for most of it was animating the characters moving along with the camera. But for the second video, I desperately wanted to up the ante. I wanted it to be cooler. More edgy. More cinematic. Turns out, there’s one main reason that proved difficult for me. And that’s that Garry’s Mod kinda sucks for long-term animation.

Here’s the difference between animating in SFM and animating in GMod. SFM is made for animation. GMod isn’t. So, if you want animating in GMod to be anything less than horrendously tedious, you need some addons to help you. Stop Motion Helper is a neat little addon that lets you animate stuff in Garry’s Mod with the “tweening” type of animation. Simply put, you pose something in point A, make a keyframe, move it to point B, and then make another keyframe. Stop Motion Helper will then automatically animate it moving between the two points. Thus, instead of the stop motion method where you have to pose every individual frame, you technically only have to pose the beginning and end. Not that it looks very good if you only do that. Of course, like any kind of animation, it’s still something that requires a lot of effort if you don’t want it to look cheap and robotic. But it works. Sort of.

Doesn’t work too well with vehicles, though.

There were a multitude of small limitations and annoyances, however, that proved to be annoying to deal with in GMod nonetheless.

FIRST PROBLEM: Because GMod isn’t made specifically for animation, resuming a project within it is kind of a hellish endeavor at times. Unlike Source Filmmaker where you can just open a project file and everything remains the same, Garry’s Mod’s saving tool doesn’t save a lot of the addon-related data when you create a save file of whatever scenario you’ve made. That includes stop motion helper animation. While SMH does have its own support for saving animations, you have to save every single animation as its own separate file. Take the scene in PW2DO, for instance, where Phoenix shoots those cops to get the security footage.

https://streamable.com/2ikd1

There are seven moving parts in this scene - Phoenix, the picture frame, both cops, the gun, the shampoo bottle, and the camera. Note how many of these are moving in each camera shot along with how many shots there are (ignoring after the cop goes out the window, because that’s not done with SMH). That’s ten shots, if you didn’t want to count. If I wanted to save this whole scene for potential later tweaking, I’d have to make a save file for the session along with saving the animation data for all ten shots - that’s ten separate animation files for this one scene - and then I would have to manually reapply the animation to each individual moving element.

On top of that, not everything can be saved at all just by sheer concept. The muzzle flash, for instance. While the flash graphic over the gun was added in post, the actual light emanating from it was something I had to do in-game, and it’s not something you can animate with SMH. Therefore, I had to play the animation in GMod, and then specifically time me hitting a button on my keyboard to make the flash happen at just the right point. That’s just one workaround in a program that, when animating in it, is like 80% workarounds.

But nothing about Garry’s Mod frustrated me quite as much as the final fight scene.

PART 4: THE BAR FIGHT

The final fight scene of PW2DO was the one thing that kept me from releasing the video sooner. Seriously, out of that year and a half or so, I’d say only a month or so was spent working on the GMod portions of the video. The rest was just that stupid, godforsaken fight scene. (And mostly procrastinating on making it.) Allow me to try and outline to you what I went through doing this.

Now, the fight scene went through three specific incarnations. They were all based around Maya and Athena tracking down Phoenix and beating the crap out of him, it just differed on two basic things: the location, and the fight music. The first idea I had was them fighting Phoenix in an alleyway while ABBA’s “Waterloo” played in the background. (i know that sounds silly but i swear i couldve made it work) That one didn’t get beyond planning stages - I’d kinda choreographed some of it in my head, I know Phoenix was supposed to get a crowbar at some point, but it didn’t get any farther than that.

The second incarnation was much more well-developed. The way I figured it was as such: Phoenix, after retrieving the security footage from his office, would go on the run and get on a bus. However, when he got on the bus, it’d be revealed that Athena was driving it, and Phoenix would fight Maya as they went down the road. (No comment on how Maya and Athena got a bus.) This was gonna be set to “Let’s Go Crazy” by Prince, inspired by the opening car chase scene from Kingsman: The Golden Circle. (Meh movie, neat fight scenes.) Eventually they’d crash the bus, all go flying out the window, and then Phoenix would get arrested by the cops as he did in the final video. Sounds neat, right? So, what stopped me from doing this?

jesus christ so many things

Everything wrong with this concept centered around one particular problem. I absolutely could not, for the life of me, figure out how to animate a fight scene in a bus that was moving down the road. In SFM that might’ve been possible, but in Garry’s Mod? Good luck with that one. I practically tore my hair out trying to come up with a single working solution to this. Allow me to present to you the various ideas I had and why they all failed miserably.

IDEA 1: Animate the bus moving and the characters moving in it at the same time

This was the fastest-thrown-out idea because the complexity of something like this was just too much for Gmod and an animation addon. What’s that? You want to be able to stay with the scene as it animates? No, that’s basically impossible to do. It’s not like SFM where you could just attach yourself and a camera to the moving vehicle and animate from there. It just wasn’t feasible.

IDEA 2: Create moving textures and place them outside the windows to give the illusion of movement

This one went out the window too, unfortunately, as rotating the camera to any degree kinda just seriously killed the illusion. I could’ve done the scene without the cool cinematic fighting camera movements, but… is it really Phoenix Wright’s Day Off without those?

IDEA 3: Create a 3d video of going down the street in GMOD and paste it onto a greenscreen outside the bus, and animate it rotating properly in Premiere

I don’t blame you if you don’t understand what the hell I’m talking about. See, miraculously enough, there is actually an addon for GMod that allows you to record 360 degree videos within it - and after a decent amount of finicking around with it, I actually managed to make one that seemed to work fine. It was from this point I actually set out and started making the scene - I got about ten seconds in, mostly comprised of driving shots, a neat easter egg with Homestar Runner (not something i’d do nowadays tbh) and a single shot of Phoenix beating on Maya. I was all set to get going.

And then Premiere just refused to work with the 360 video. Don’t get me wrong, I was able to animate it rotating and stuff, but it wouldn’t let me do this at the same time as the normal 2D video that was meant to be pasted on top of it. It frankly just. Wouldn’t let me. And after a lot of struggling, I just. Gave up. That ten seconds of video, trashed.

https://streamable.com/4omnep

I did manage to re-piece it together from the old files on my drive, though. With mostly missing sound effects.

So, that was scrapped. I wasn’t doing the bus fight. What, then, would work out better than a fight scene based off the first fight scene of Golden Circle? Apparently, my mind decided that would be the last fight scene of Golden Circle. Cool.

Thankfully, things went a lot smoother there, but it wasn’t without hiccups. Now, if you’ve seen Phoenix Wright’s Second Day Off - I don’t know why you’re reading this if you haven’t - there’s a chance you might’ve found the music choice for the bar fight scene a bit odd. If you’re not aware, it’s a cover of the 1986 Cameo song “Word Up”, by a German country band called The Bosshoss. This is the song they used in the movie so you’re not allowed to question me on this.

Given how western-y the song sounds, though, I had to at least make the context fit. Despite that, I couldn’t really find any GMod maps that had a good enough bar interior for a while - and I really wanted it to be a bar fight. Bar fights are cool. Thankfully, I did eventually manage to find one. This one, in particular: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=806759276&searchtext=

Yes, that’s a My Little Pony based map. I worked with what I had, okay? That was the least of the issues, anyway. By this point I’d had enough of trying to animate with GMod, and as such I’d decided to move back to SFM, but that caused a whole new issue. This map wasn’t made for SFM. And opening it in SFM just. Crashed. I won’t go super into detail of how I fixed this, but essentially I had to download a program called BSPSource so I could decompile the map, re-open it in Hammer, and export it to properly work with SFM.

Still left me with some annoying issues though, as you can see. Not too difficult fixes, though - The first one I just covered up with another corkboard, and the second thing was fixed by typing mat_specular 0 in console. Was a bit annoying that I had to do that every time I reopened SFM, but whatever. It was working, at least. (that’s something you’ll think to yourself a lot if you ever get into using SFM.)

Anyway, things went pretty okay from this point on. You know, aside from me proceeding to barely ever work on the thing for like a year and a half. I didn’t have many hardships during it other than my own procrastination, so instead take a look at some of the funny tricks I pulled to get this scene to go the way I wanted.

https://gfycat.com/OldfashionedForkedFlatcoatretriever

Engineer telekinetically swooces his shotgun back to himself.

https://gfycat.com/SleepyShadowyLadybird

I had to make Phoenix hover over Engie to let his arms reach him without his legs obscuring the camera.

https://gfycat.com/AptHomelyGoral

The rope was way too short to reach the soldier, so I had to have Phoenix basically throw the rope in order to reach his gun. I also forgot to detach the rope from his hand afterward, so it kinda gets flung around with it off-camera.

https://gfycat.com/AgonizingScrawnyAbalone

Phoenix apparently decided for himself he wanted to go out the window.

Aside from all that, though, things finally went okay. Eventually. I managed to finish up the animation, add some extra ending stuff in GMod, and do a neat credits sequence to David Bowie music. All in all, it went okay.

And that’s it. After all that waiting, I finally managed to put an 8 minute video out from one and a half years of it not being finished. It was quite a load off my mind, for sure, and to this day it stands as my proudest video. It’s silly, has its down moments, but I can at least confidently say it’s the best Ace Attorney gmod video. If only because there is basically no competition.

So, what’s in store next? Not much of anything as far as I feel right now. I could make a third one, one day - I did envision it as a trilogy - but although I do have some ideas for it, I still have zero motivation to actually make it. So who knows. We’ll see how it goes. Maybe Phoenix Wright will escape from prison one day.

So, this was the experience of making Phoenix Wright’s Second Day Off. I hope this gave you something of an idea on how agonizing this video was to make, and totally means you should go and share it everywhere to get me more views because I DESERVE it after the hell I went through.

Seriously, though, thanks for reading, and may this post serve as a warning if you ever decide to do Garry’s Mod or SFM videos. Not a warning against it, mind you, you can make some totally cool stuff. Just be prepared to suffer a bit in the process.

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