#if not romantic maybe either qpr or just a close friendship

[draagu]

night time doodle for the barbeque enjoyers

[catnippackets]

as someone who’s coming to terms w their own aroace identity, what does queerplatonic mean to you? you have a handful of characters in those relationships, so i just assume you understand the concept since you write it. sorry if this sounds strange, english is not my first language! 🧡💛🤍🩵💙

this doesn't sound strange at all! your english is great :)

well first off, from what I've learned over the years, everybody has their own little definition of what queerplatonic means to them, so my explanation of what it means to me might not be the same as what it means to other people. it's sort of a nebulous concept that can mean whatever you want it to mean, kinda like how nonbinary can mean whatever you want it to mean and just because you strongly disagree with how someone else is using it doesn't mean either of you are wrong

I also wanna say that I've written a few qprs in my day and they're all different! there is no single consistent portrayal of what I think a queerplatonic relationship is, bc each qpr I write will look slightly different and involve different things. but at the base of it all, to me, a qpr is a relationship that isn't romantic but that is still more intimate than a platonic friendship would be. usually I say that to mean physical intimacy, like cuddling or whatnot, but it includes emotional intimacy as well. I also like to imagine it as sort of the aroace version of being in a relationship, but you DON'T have to be aro or ace to be in a qpr, anyone can have one if that's what your feelings are

sometimes I like to imagine a qpr as sort of the halfway point between platonic and romantic; you're not in love but maybe you snuggle or even occasionally kiss like you are, but there is no romance there, you're just close in a special way that you aren't with your friends. sometimes qprs will even involve sex, and from an outsider perspective, look like you're just in regular love. sometimes qprs barely look intimate at all and from an outside perspective, you just look like regular friends. all of these examples are still qprs! because it all depends on how the people involved are labelling it, and different people have different standards for their own attraction. if someone regularly kisses and cuddles with all their platonic friends and that's normal for them, then a queerplatonic relationship might look really different for them, but for me, if I had a friend who I felt comfortable kissing and cuddling with, that would DEFINITELY be a qpr for me bc I would never even dream of doing that with a platonic friend. but also I wouldn't label it as a qpr either, even though it would technically be one by definition, because I wouldn't be comfortable being in a relationship if it had a label and I would prefer to just be somebody's person and know that we've committed to each other without being "partners" or whatnot. I know that's probably kind of confusing but I can't think of any other way to explain it haha

basically at the end of the day if you feel like your feelings of attraction can't be defined as strictly platonic or romantic but they're still definitely there, that would make them queerplatonic, but of course you don't have to use any labels at all if you don't want to. I hope that was helpful in some way lol

[visgrapplinghooks]

friendlinghood: a proposal

skip to "terminology" if you don't want the long explanation

QPRs are really difficult to talk about because of the way the modern queer community has kinda framed it as like "dating but without romantic attraction"

when that's not entirely true

I mean, you COULD say that's a kind of QPR but it'd be a mistake to frame all of it that way. this is in large part to internet misinformation and shit as well as amatonormativity from which a lot of relationship discourse is framed against

queerplatonicism, from my pov refers to what is essentially the natural byproduct of queer and neurodivergent people having close friends

the queer community has been aware for a while that its members would have close friendships that in some way violated traditional social norms for behavior outside romantic relationships or family, etc.

when you sit outside the neurotypical and patriarchal norm, the conventional social understanding of what relationships are kinda breaks down for you

you display levels of closeness and intimacy and affection that are "inappropriate" for neurotypical and patriarchal society. in most cases they're not formal relationships, but natural evolutions of friendships between queer and neurodivergent folks

cishet people actually do have variants on this like the concept of "blood brothers" where two men who love each other basically make a pact to always have each other's backs and be their support and they do the whole movie thing where they mix blood to bind them together (it's a very cinematic thing, but the point is it exists in the popular consciousness)

"romance" and "friendship" each refer to a set of social norms and expectations. there's like a whole narrative constructed around those concepts and people internalize and have their own versions of them

a lot of people probably have friends they want to fuck or kiss or cuddle or declare their undying affection for but it'd just be "weird" within the social boundaries of acceptability and so people pigeonhole their relationships into either friend or romantic partner.

queerplatonicism (from my pov) is essentially accepting or practicing relationships which are neither platonic or romantic or even strictly familial. many queer people have them with other queer people they're close to. if you know queer folks then you probably know what I'm talking about - the friends they have that they're not dating but seem intensely attached and close to. they usually have weird names for each other that go beyond friendship like they'll jokingly call each other wives and husbands and siblings and partners... but it doesn't feel quite entirely joking. they'll express a lot of physical affection in the casual way you might typically ascribe to romantic partners. they'll prioritize time with those people as much as any romantic partner they may have etc.

straight and cis people and neurotypical people obviously experience them to some extent, it's just that patriarchy was built around cishet neurotypicals in particular, so it tends to cling to their mindsets more strongly, and once you're already outside of the "bounds of normalcy" by being queer, ND, etc. then it's a lot easier to feel like it's okay for you to be in relationships that aren't "normal".

because like the idea of loving someone with your entire fucking being... it's so tied up in these cultural ideas on how to behave about those feelings and it never made sense to me, because if you just let yourself feel those emotions you start to realize there are people in your life that maybe you love so much more than friends. but "more than friends" is so washed up in romance that you force those feelings down and think "this is fine, I'm happy with being just friends, what else can we be?"

maybe I don't want to have sex or hold hands on a ferris wheel or get. married or kiss or any of that. maybe I just want to exist in the same room as that person know that that person is in my life and know that person cares about me just as much as I do them.

terminology

I've started to use the term "friendling" in my day to day life, now. the term is a portmanteau of "friend" and "sibling" and "loveling" (the english cognate of the German word "lieblings" which can mean "favorite", but is also a term of endearment).

to me, it's probably the most accurate way to describe the Everything All At Once feelings that are simultaneously your weird friends that are your found family and also "romantic" but twisted beyond recognition where the term stops meaning anything.

I'm just throwing this word and explanation out there for anyone who feels like me and wants to use it too. not exclusive to queer people or neurodivergence or anything, I just think it's often easier to be cognisant of those feelings when you are queer and neurodivergent.

that being said, I do NOT want this to be folded into another "attraction label". this is, as far as I can tell, not a unique form of attraction but quite literally the opposite. it's an abstraction of the core impulses of attraction that ALL humans experience without the labels or social structures built around it. I do not want the language that I've spent so long trying to find for my experiences losing all of its value and being reapporpriated into the amatonormative, allonormative, and cisheteropatriarchal framework.

"friendlinghood" - is what I see as an attribute of relationships and the extent to which they deviate from socially conventional definitions of a relationship.

"friendlingship" - used grammatically like friendship. referring to any complex relationship acategorically.

"friendling" - used grammatically similar to friend. referring to those involved in any complex relationship acategorically.

all of this shit is nebulous and doesn't really mean anything beyond what meaning you choose to give it. I think any relationship can have some amount of friendlinghood and I don't think there's a clear line between friendlingship and friendship or romance or family, because it's not a type of relationship in the first place. it's just silly words I made that helped me.

language and labels

so the biggest problem with terminology like this is you can end up creating labels. my point was to create personal terms for myself and my relationships because that's what helped me personally process my own feelings.

that's not to say everyone needs or benefits from them. you can just vibe and do whatever you want and many people are happy with that.

I don't think words like this being codified and standardized really helps anyone. it's unavoidable that we as humans like articulating feelings, but the entire point of my interactions with friendlinghood is about certain things defying labels and language. language in this sense is just a tool, it's a hammer for a nail. it's not embodying the concept itself, it's just useful shorthand.

I will still freely refer to friendlings as close friends, best friends, found family, and other words. as long as I know the intention behind it is all that matters. I just needed that initial bit of language to articulate the feelings before the other words felt right to me.

[funneylizzie]

Sorry if I may sound rude in any way but how can someone be bi and aroace at the same time? I just really want to know this to understand ✨da world✨ better lol

It’s not rude at all!!! This is just kind of hard to explain, I’m going to do the best I can, but it’s a lot and I will probably miss a ton. Any Aro/Ace ppl feel free to put in your input!

Aromanticism and asexuality are both spectrums!!! Aroace does not entirely mean “romance and sex repulsed”, it is possible for someone to be that way, but not everybody!!! I really recommend looking up the spectrums, there is a ton of identities that maybe even you’ll find a connection to!

Aroace people CAN date, or they might start up a Queer-Platonic Relationship (QPR) with somebody! Anybody can be in a QPR, they don’t have to be aromantic or asexual. QPRs aren’t exactly romantic relationships, and aren’t just really close friendships either. (A lot of people think of QPRs that way)

^ if you’d like to know more on that, I’d recommend looking up squishes! I want to say they’re like the aromantic version of crushes, but they’re so much more. And so much less??? It’s just. So hard to explain LOL I’m sorry

Now personally, I am a sex repulsed asexual, I experience no sexual attraction. I found that out pretty quick, but I’m still figuring out my aromantic identity quite a bit. I know for sure that I am not alloromantic, but I also know I’m not entirely aromantic. Thinking I might be lithromantic, but I’m still testing the waters and have yet to really date anybody romantically, so we’ll just have to see!!

I appreciate your open mind, anon, hopefully this helped!!! I’m still navigating this stuff myself, so if I got anything wrong and any aroace ppl want to put in their input PLEASE help me and this guy out!

[huaandbloom]

I see you also ship Barbara x Bennett what else do you ship

OHOHOHOHOHO I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED–

I'm just gonna assume you're asking only about Genshin ships. I'm a multi-shipper so there will be repeats.

Warning: very VERY long read. I got a bit more extensive than I thought I would.

Ships that have a chokehold on me:

Keqing x Heizou: would hate each other at first, but with enough time and maybe one night of forced deep conversation realize that they have a lot in common? Both are very dedicated to their work, almost to a fault, but have very different working styles

Barbara x Bennett : I'm a sucker for character A chastising character B for getting hurt while they patch them up

Amber x Razor: hc Amber to be 18-20 and Razor to be 17-18 in case anyone's alarmed. It's the bunny x wolf and "outgoing girl helps awkward and closed off boy get out of his comfort zone" for me

Jean x Diluc: fully convinced they're exes and Diluc still has feelings for Jean at least. You can't tell me that one of the reasons he went to the summer islands wasn't to see Jean in her summer fit

Kazuha x Xiangling: mostly QPR, Xiangling canonically sails with the Crux Fleet sometimes so I'm pretty sure they have an established friendship of sorts already

Ayaka x Thoma: am a sucker for royalty x servant type dynamics, they'd be really sweet together, and I totally bought the pre-Inazuma rumors that they were gonna be fiances...

Xiangling x Xiao: all it took was one(1) fic which is now lost forever :( but either way I'm sold now

Mona x Scaramouche/Wanderer: look aesthetically pleasing together, plus I like the bickering between the two of them in the fics I read

Gorou x Kokomi: my loves my babies my everything the apple of my eye the peanut to my butter the fried to my rice to yee to my haw the dog leans over to kiss the fishy in the pond memes the- (has been shipping them since 2.0 livestream and refuses to let go)

Ships I can enjoy:

Bennett x Fischl: mainly for the ship name puns, but also I like their friendship a lot it's very cute

Ayaka x Kazuha: angst edition in which they try to maintain a long distance but after a while Ayaka can't take it anymore and breaks it off. Other than that I think they look really pretty together and they think really highly of each other

Beidou x Ningguang: Lantern Rite 2021 sold me on this ship. Like sure you guys, you just play chess and nothing more. Sure sure sure-

Xinyan x Yun Jin: Lantern Rite 2021 also sold me on it

Katheryne x Wanderer: @probably-impossible has me hook line and sinker it's such a silly ship but also makes so much sense for some reason?? Content for it has died down but I look back on that time fondly

Dehya x Dunyuzard: look me dead in the eye and tell me they aren't dating. You can't

Cyno x Nilou: the fanarts get me every time in a way I can't explain I feel so much feeling whenever I see them that it borders on having a chokehold on me. It's only here because I only feel the feelings when I remember they exist which isn't very often

Albedo x Sucrose: Windblume had me feeling a certain way let's just put it that way

Amber x Eula: similar-ish dynamic to Amber x Razor and admittedly they have more canon content than the aforementioned ship ever will (cri)

Itto x Sara: childhood friends to petty bickering enemies to lovers. Need I say more.

Chongyun x Xiangling: used to ship them in early game because of that one character story where Chongyun accidentally eats a chilli at Wanmin and then apologises to her profusely

Hu Tao x Xiao: grumpy x sunshine-ish that's it that's the tweet

Kaeya x Rosaria: bi4bi drinking buddies (romantic)

Kaeya x Kokomi: aethetically pleasing and amazing fanarts I must say

Cyno x Layla: an online friend sold me on this and I think it's just neat

Wanderer x Traveler: the love-hate potential is there and I can appreciate it. It's an acquired taste personally, but now I kinda dig it.

Bennett x Chongyun: both constantly get less-than-desired results in their respective lines of work

Ships I can see happening I guess:

Cyno x Tighnari: I like imagining them as a divorced couple co-parenting Collei lmao

Alhaitham x Kaveh: it's fine I guess?? I just see so much fan art that frankly it's become oversaturated for me

Dainsleif x Kaeya: I don't care much for Dain but I like royalty x knight so there you go

Venti x Xiao: this would go under "ships I can enjoy" but now I have beef with it. No it doesn't have anything to do with the fandom or the shippers /gen but I'd rather not get into it

Hu Tao x Yanfei: y'all YanTao nation people make good fanart ngl

Ei x Miko: they're wives. Not a big fan of them, but they're wives

Childe x Traveler: used to ship it but not so much anymore for some reason

Xiao x Traveler: except it's one-sided 'cause I'm a bit evil like that

[aromantic-diaries]

Hi, I can't really understand whether or not I'm aromantic, and if so, do I have romantic interest at all or not.

I have a loving partner who is the best person in the entire world who understands me perfectly, but both of us are unsure if our love for each other is romantic or not;

Unfortunately we are long distance, and both of us are unsure about sex or any kind of sexual intimacy, but we both like/want to cuddle and kiss each other with the exception on the lips

We can't really test if we like it or not, but to me the idea of kissing someone on the lips just feels weird, and I dunno if I will like it or not, I don't mind it but I don't feel excited about it either, but at the same time they're my favorite person ever and we're special to each other, so is this queer platonic something or is it romantic love?

I mean, I don't have to know right now, but I would be very happy to hear ur opinion :3

Well to start off, whatever you wanna call your relationship is up to you and your partner. There really aren't any rules to what a queerplatonic relationship looks like or what makes it different from a friendship or a romantic relationship. If you feel like queerplatonic is a better way to describe it than romantic then it's queerplatonic

As for whether or not you may be aromantic, that can be a bit of a puzzle so I'll share a bit of my own experience. Similarly to you I had a long distance partner for two years before I knew I was aromantic and though I liked them a lot I often felt unsure about the relationship. After I came out, it was as though nothing changed, we remained friends and later decided to be in a qpr. Maybe ask yourself, are you really romantically attracted to your partner or is it just a sense of affection for them and would anything change if you declared that your relationship wasn't romantic after all?

As for kissing, I can relate to feeling weird about it. I never quite liked the idea of kissing someone on the lips and it's always grossed me out and I turned out to be aroace so there's that

And as a closing thought, a lack of romantic attraction doesn't neccessarily imply a lack of interest or desire. It's normal for aromantic individuals to still want to have a romantic partner, so I suggest looking more into that (i have yet to learn about that aspect of aromanticism as I'm still somewhat focused on dissecting my own experience). You could be romance favourable or romance neutral, or maybe there's a more specific label that could suit you

At the end of the day, if you and your partner are happy with eachother, then it doesn't matter what label you want to put on your relationship. You're the only ones who get to decide what it is, there is no one correct way to love someone, which is sort of what qprs are all about. But knowing yourself does make things less confusing

[polyamorouspunk]

so this is a specific situation and uh i’d normally talk about it to my best friend bc she’s the only irl person who knows i’m a relationship anarchist but i can’t because it’s about her so i figured id see if you have any advice. (i’m sorry it’s super long i just don’t know how to talk about my feelings without rambling a bunch)

so basically we’ve been besties for a few years (i’m in high school) and abt two years ago i had a crush on her and at that time neither of us had really been in a romantic relationship and it was my first real crush, i told her about she didn’t feel the same way and wasn’t ready for any romantic relationships anyway, so i pretty much got over it after a couple months and everything was cool.

about a year ago we both started having romantic relationships and honestly none of the people either of us have dated were super great.

anyway i’ve been single for a while and so this one time we had a sleepover together we were talking about how dating is hard and how you can’t really tell if people actually like you or just want to date somebody and she wa specifically saying how she wished she could just like kiss her friends and it not be weird (she referenced britney and santanas relationship at the beginning of glee!) and was was agreed with her and later we were cuddling and holding hands (which is pretty normal for us to do, i’m really touchy with my close friends which i actually found out bc of her) but like it felt more intimate than usual? like she was stroking my hair and tracing her fingers down my back and it was really sweet (while a slowed down version of teenage dream was playing,she picked the music, which feels like it means something) and i kissed her on the cheek/jawbone and she giggled and said i was cute!

but ik she has a tendency to just kinda date people or let ppl kiss her bc she doesn’t wanna have to tell people no so i asked if it was okay that i did that and she was like “yeah it’s cool, i trust you, just keep it kinda private”(she’s very private about affection and i get it so it’s cool)

and after we stopped cuddling she was joking around and sitting on her lap and uh i asked if i could kiss her (at the time i felt very platonic about it) and she said i could, so i did. and it was nice!

but anyway a couple weeks later i start having kinda crushy feelings for her again, made a playlist and everything, but i can’t really tell if it’s queerplatonic/ alterous or a ‘normal’ romantic crush bc frankly i’m bad at understanding my own feelings. i think though that i want some sort of romantic friendship with her. honestly i’ve had romantic feelings on and off but she’s always a super important person in my life but she gets so busy i her worried our friendships more important to me than it is her and that feeling kinda sucks even when it’s wrong.

but the problem is whatever the feelings are i don’t feel like i can tell her about it bc she started dating someone right after that day where we kissed so i never got the chance to talk about it and she’s Very much monogamous, she’s super supportive of me and whatever style relationships i want and but polyam just isn’t for her at all,

so like what do i do? do i tell her i want a queer platonic relationship? do i keep it to myself until i’ve totally figured out what it is i want? or until she’s not in a relationship anymore???

Man that really sucks. It sounds queerplatonic to me but either way that shit’s gonna eat you up inside eventually. Maybe not in a jealous way but hiding any feelings you have from someone, be it romantic, sad, angry, etc. that shit eats at you. It would be healthiest for YOUR mental health to tell her, but maybe not for the situation. I’m normally very much an advocate for “tell people how you feel!!” but honestly like I feel like telling her you have feelings for her might mess up the relationship she’s in right now (it might not! but it could). That’s a sticky situation. And I mean even if she’s chill with a qpr with you her partner might not be, and that’s totally reasonable and valid of them. If I were you I wouldn’t say anything but I feel like that’s really shitty advice to give you. Like I feel really shitty being like “lol just bottle up your feelings and keep them to yourself” but I want to be honest and not give you advice that I don’t think I would take myself. But I mean also I know that shit would eat me up inside and at some point I would have to say something. So. I guess that’s my advice. At some point you have to say something if it doesn’t go away. Because like also I’m thinking about how I (Savvy) had feelings for my best friend (this was when we weren’t very solid at all so Punk has nothing to do with this, if strictly would have been a relationship between Savvy and her not Punk at all) and like we got into this huge fight about it like we could be a qpr maybe no this is really shitty timing I feel like you’re taking advantage of me etc. etc. and like. My feelings for her did go away again. So I have like 0 romantic feelings for her anymore when at one point I think I did. That was another point of fighting for us too where I was like I think I have a crush on you but I might be making it up. I don’t get over people easily (or ever) I think she’s like the only person I’ve gotten over (twice). So like feelings can change and you might once again not be interested in something like that later on down the line. So I guess yeah, I think waiting to see if that’s what you really want is best. Because I thought for a while I wanted a qpr with my best friend and then my feelings for her faded and now I really don’t have any interest in having one with her anymore.

[myname-isnia]

Just over a month ago I was 100% convinced that I was bi, openly talked about wanting a girlfriend, mentioned on several occasioned that I want to meet a pretty girl who’d rail me well enough for me to want to uproot my entire life and move to be with her, etc etc. I was so sure of this, believed it for five whole years, almost to the day. The anniversary of my realisation was just about a week away

Then, in the span of one night, it was as though a switch was flipped. Nothing happened, but something changed. I realised that I have never once experienced romantic or sexual attraction to any real person and that the thought of being touched made me want to vomit. I decided that the aroace label fits me better. It was a big hit to my sense of self because I felt like an entire third of my life was a lie. But it’s alright, I told myself. It’s still possible to find people who will love you. Family, friends, maybe a qpr. Everything will be okay. I never was aphobic towards others in any way, but definitely had some internalised aphobia directed at myself to work through

Not long after, when I had yet another fight with my mom, I realised that I was afamilial too. Family was always a touchy subject for me. My parents can't stand each other, neither could my maternal grandparents. I hated my little sister for the longest time because my mom didn't want to be around us any longer than she absolutely had to and essentially dumped her on me. My extended family was always wracked with conflicts too. So as soon as I was old enough to understand all of that, I lost all love for my family. I still care for them and would try to help them in any way if needed, but I don't exactly love them in the expected way. And I don't want a found family either, no matter how much I like that trope in fiction. I've had friend groups before that attempted to assign familial roles to everyone, and I hated that. It didn't matter if I ended up the put-upon older sister, the distant aunt or the mom friend, I refused any role I was given and was ostracized for it. Whether biological or not, I don't want to be anyone's parent, sibling, daughter, or anything else

That was all very hard to work through and accept, but I'm slowly getting there. I had a long crisis about feeling like I will never be enough because all I can offer someone is a platonic relationship. That's still something I struggle with, but it was slowly getting better. Until I suddenly understood that I didn't want a qpr either. I don't know, it just feels like... too much. Too personal, too intimate, too close for comfort. Something that I wouldn't trust anyone to not turn into something I wouldn't want. I have struggles with boundaries, my touch repulsion fluctuates way too much, I have an unpredictable temper and am way too easy to piss off. I don't think I could ever be in something as close as a queerplatonic relationship with anyone, it would make everyone involved miserable. So it isn't something I want either

And now, as if all of that wasn't enough, I'm considering a possible aplatonic identity as well. I'm not completely aplatonic, I have a handful of very close friends that I deeply care for and genuinely love, but I have no interest in expanding that circle. Friendships never came easy to me, I was always the backup friend for everyone to talk to when no one better was around. And when I did make friends, I often struggled with feeling genuine empathy towards them and didn't realise I was hurting them by leaving their messages on read or not wanting to hang out after school. I always felt so out of place in friend groups, and in one-on-one friendships I was always too much. Too clingy, too obsessive, too ignorant of what the other person wanted. Because it wasn't friendship I craved, but attention and a chance to talk to someone. So while I wouldn't trade the friends I do have for the world, I don't want any new ones. I have no interest in "finding my crowd" or whatever. I'm okay with what I have, I don't need anything else. After scrolling through the relevant tags it seems like plato-indifferent demiplatonic is as close I can get to describing how I feel

So... I don't know. On one hand, I'm happy that I'm figuring myself out and can feel more confident about both my identity and what I want from life. But on the other... it feels like some kinds of threads are snapping one by one. Like I'm becoming less and less connected to what is supposed to make me human. I know that's stupid, love isn't what makes us human, there's nothing that decides someone's humanity apart from the fact they're born a homo sapiens. But if I don't feel romantic or sexual attraction, don't want a family or a qpr or new friends, what worth is there to me? Humans aren't meant to live isolated, but I seem to lack the ability to form genuine connections 99% of the time. If I lose my current friends, I don't think I'll be able to make new ones. And then I'll be alone

I know this all probably stems from trauma and if I manage to heal, some of that may change and I'll find myself wanting things that currently make me nauseous to even think about. But there's no guarantee I will ever heal, or that things will change if I do. It almost seems like I was destined to be alone, like my very being is self sabotaging by nature. Or maybe I'm overreacting and this is all just some internalised shit that I need to work through. I don't know. I just don't fucking know

[thechangeling]

I wanna talk about Killjoys. More specifically Johnny and Dutch and their beautiful relationship. First things first let me get this out of the way, this is not a post for people who ship them romantically. You will not have a good time reading this, and I will not have a good time if you comment stupid alloromantic shit. So please just scroll on! Thank you!

Ok so now that they're gone, I wanna talk about Johnny and Dutch and how they are clearly in a queerplatonic relationship. This isn't meant to be an argumentative essay to convince anyone, that's why I sent the shippers away. I want to both tell aro people and aro allies why they should watch Killjoys, and I also want to talk about Johnny and Dutch to people who have already seen the show.

So we're gonna divide this into nonspoilers first, and then spoilers will be under the cut. Cool?

Good. So first of all for those of you who don't know, a queer platonic relationship is defined as a committed intimate relationship which isn't romantic in nature and that differs from a close friendship by having the same structure and status as a romantic relationship. The concept originates in aromantic and asexual spaces in the LGBT community.

Now it's worth mentioning that I actually don't believe you have to be aro or ace or both to be in a qpr. Gatekeeping is pointless and stupid. If you want one then go have one. I think it's pretty obvious that both Johnny and Dutch aren't aro or ace. I could have made the arguement for Dutch being aro if it wasn't for the last two seasons (ish) which we'll get into in the spoiler section.

And yes I know that being romance favorable aro is a thing, but I personally don't see Johnny or Dutch that way tbh. But honestly maybe this is a blessing in disguise because it shows how people can have a queer platonic partner (qpp) and also a romantic relationship and/or sexual partners. If you are muture enough to handle it.

Now what makes Johnny and Dutch different then a friendship?

From the beginning we are give clear signs of their commitment and devotion to each other (sadly) beyond what most typical western friendships would consider normal.

Their story is set up multiple times like a romance with certain tropes but it isn't actually romantic. They have romantic and sexual relationships with other people but they never let it come between them (and if it starts to then they'll work it out).

The show invokes multiple romantic tropes with Jonny and Dutch while still maintaining a clear platonic image. Neither of them ever gives any indication that they have romantic feelings for each other or want their relationship to change. OTHER PEOPLE will occassionally make these assumptions and suggest that one of them is in love with the other or wants "more".

But those are other people and both Johnny and Dutch will quickly shoot down those ideas and assumptions. Because there is clearly no "more" in their eyes. However this doesn't mean that they never want other things besides their relationship.

We will get back to that in the spoilers section.

The relationship is treated with the same weight and respect as romantic relationships are on tv while still being platonic. The conversations they have about their relationship dynamics and their emotions and challenges are well thought out and have depth and complexity to them. Their issues and conflicts are given proper attention and screen time and there are so many absolute bangers of scenes where I was actually glad they were arguing because it just felt so raw and real and importent.

When Johnny asks, "did we break up back there? It kinda felt like we broke up," we know what he's referring to and we know the relationship still isn't romantic. But it's not quite a normal friendship either.

There are also some incredibly beautiful and moving lines that you would normally only expect from romantic relationships. But to tell you the truth, there actually isn't anything romantic to calling someone your gravity. We as a society have just been trained to see romantic relationships as inherently superior to platonic ones. So a platonic relationship could never be that beautiful and profound right? It could never be that powerful.

The reason some people believe this is because of something called Amatonormativity.

Amatonormativity is a lot like heteronormativity in the sense that it's the societal belief that romance is the most superior form of love and everyone needs romance in their lives or else they will be unhappy and lonely. Basically every "love will conquer all" bullshit message is amatonormativity in a nutshell. It's also the fact that when people say love, they usually mean romantic love.

It permeates the killjoys fandom in ways that I bet some people aren't even consciously aware of, and it permeates the world Johnny and Dutch live in as I mentioned earlier. But they do their best to not let it phase them.

They have a lot of adorable little things that they do together that should be a staple of good besties but unfortunately most tv shows don't really showcase a lot of that because it "distracts from the plot" or basically it wasn't romantic so they didn't have time. But this show not only makes time for Johnny and Dutch it quote literally weaves their relationship into the plot many times.

You'll see them doing cute thing like reading each other comic book bedtime stories, having inside jokes or little things that they tease each other about that show they know and understand each other extremely well. They have a cute saying (tap my heart) which essentially means "I promise". I could go on for hours about two people in a qpr making up a special saying to show their devotion to each other. Something about that feels super aro? (More on this later in the spoilers)

You also see them being very touchy feely with each other. They hug a lot and kiss each others foreheads and hands. They also touch foreheads sometimes which a lot of people read as romantic for some reason. I am literally begging some people to stop reading physical affection as Inherently romantic.

But you also see tension and fighting when their wants and goals conflict and when their respective traumas bump up against each other. I wish I could expand on this more but I'm probably gonna spoil stuff so you know the drill! But what I will say their relationship can be codependent in places sometimes and I think it's really interesting how the show explores and addresses that.

Before we get into the spoilers I just wanna say, this show meant so much to me when I first watched it and it still does today. I didn't even know I was arospec (on the aromantic spectrum, demiromantic) when I was a teenager and yet I still knew what I was watching with Johnny and Dutch was special to me. It felt like it was pulling on something deep down inside of me.

And when I saw so many people in the fandom shipping them romantically and saying things like "friends could never be like this with each other" or "friends just don't do things like that," it hurt. And at first I couldn't even figure out why. I just knew it upset me.

It hurts when allos imply that we will never have something as special as what they have.

But the importent thing to remember is that that interpretation of the canon is just that, an interpretation. It's not what we are actually shown on screen.

A quote from showrunner Michelle Lovretta says, "platonic friendship is something that personally, I have always deeply and dearly valued and been slightly frustrated at the short shift it’s given in a lot of stories." She explicitly created them to be platonic. She probably didn't intend for them to be a qpr because most people don't know what they are. Especially in 2016. But something queer people are always talking about is how you can create accidental representation.

SPOILERS:

Ok first thing I want to get into is that I love how the show sets you up to think that Johnny doesn't know any of Dutch's backstory like where she came from, anything about Khlyen or even her real name. But he does! He knows everything because of course he does! They trust each other completely and know each other so well.

It kinda bothers me that "tap my heart" becomes a thing that Davin starts doing to. Like I get it's about him being a part of the team and a family. But I liked how they had a cute little saying that was just theirs. Oh well.

I love how committed they are to each other in the sense of how they make the offer to each other multiple times to bail on whatever crap they're in and just fly away and never come back. This however can be both a positive and a negative.

Remember what I said about the codependency? Well if you've seen the show you probably know where this is going but I'm telling you anyways. Throughout the show it is well established that Dutch relies a lot in Johnny to be her anchor (her gravity) and keep her sane. She worries that because of her past and all the people she's killed, she's a monster and a horrible person. She worries about what will happen if she loses control and starts just dropping bodies to get what she wants like Khlyen.

So she relies in Johnny as the resent optimist and and she puts it in season 3 episode 4 "lover of ponies and sunshine" to help her stay good. As she puts in in season 2 episode 9, "there's a monster inside of me Johnny and it’s angry and it’s hateful and you’re the only one that stops it from coming out.”

It a good quote and it gives me big feels. However it's actually extremely unfair to put that kind of pressure on Johnny. It can't be his responsibility to keep her in check. Johnny's trauma is different then Dutch's, but no less valid. Johnny is the classic kid of an addict/abusive parent (in the Jaqobis case both) who wants to keep everyone happy and is always trying to fix things. And it takes a tole on him as we see in episode like season 1 episode 8 or season 3 episode 4 when he says, "I am not the angel on your shoulder."

I actually loved that fight because it gives the relationship real weight and importance that it usually only afforded to romantic ones on tv. Dutch and Johnny's whole push and pull with Johnny becoming "darker" and getting his hands dirty more, and Dutch wanting to stop him and keep him safe has so much care and thought put into it. It's absolutely wonderful to watch.

It's also woven throughout the entire series that Johnny wants more out of life then being a killjoy. We see this with his interest in the scarback faith in season 1 and obviously spread throughout season two with helping Pawter try and free Westerly and bring down the wall. He even says that maybe the warrant isn't all. And in season 3 obviously at the beginning he's with Clara and the hackmods, running away after shooting Delle Seya. But after that for the most part throughout season 3 and season 4 he is fully committed to helping Dutch win her war. But as we see in season 5, the desire for something more never really went away.

Oh boy season 5. Let's talk.

Ok so the show was actually quite clever with this I think. The Lady puts Johnny and Dutch into a fake romance and a fake marriage to trip them up. It's clearly expressed in the show that this is wrong for them and the few times they do kiss, there is uneasiness and a sense that something is wrong. This is what starts to tip Dutch off and unravel the illusion.

It isn't supposed to be a fantasy, it's prison. And when they finally break out of it things are extremely weird and tense between Johnny and Dutch and Dutch says to Davin about The Lady, "she’s ruined the one thing that keeps me getting back up again, that keeps me grounded, my gravity. She took my Johnny away, and I don’t know how to get him back.”

Davin assumes, because of amatonormativity that Johnny is being weird because he's realized he is in love with her and misses being married to her. But Johnny establishes that's not the case. He misses that life, not being a killjoy and being in danger every day. He realized that he wants to leave but he doesn't want to leave Dutch. He worries that their relationship won't survive him not working with her anymore.

He even says "I love you Dutch, but not like that." These two are an aro dream istg.

Anyways, there are many romantic tropes embedded within their story. There's the meet cute when they first meet on Lucy and she shoots him. There's Khlyen at the beginning of season 4 finding Dutch in the green space and relling her the story of her and Johnny. "When the nights were long and the days were deep, there lived a warrior... And the thief who was about to save her life."

I was SCREAMING during this episode. The flashback episode is set up like a modern fairytale only an aromantic fairytale with a qpr. It's just so good. And that's when we see Johnny propose "a killjoy two year" essentially testing out if they work well as killjoys together and want to keep doing it.

Johnny ties the knot around her finger similar to a marriage proposal. And Dutch does the exact same thing in season 5 when she tells John to take one year to try other things then being a killjoy and then come home so they can reevaluate. I love this because it's a marriage proposal but not? And that feels very aro.

We also find out during the flashback that JOHNNY NAMED DUTCH OMG. He used to call her princess which then became dutchess and I guess that eventually got shortened to Dutch.

Just the idea of Dutch taking a new name that directly connects her to Johnny, comes from Johnny as an act of clear defiance against Khlyen... it makes me emotional.

Now as for Dutch and Davin, I'm not entirely against their relationship. I just don't personally vibe with it. I feel like they were setting Dutch up to be the kind of person who doesn't really do or like romance which could gave been great aro coding. Her getting serious with Davin and then eventually falling in love with him (supposedly) felt kinda wtf for me personally.

Like Davin being in love with Dutch I get because I feel like that was set up throughout the entire series but Dutch's feelings? Idk they never seemed super romantic. Ir at least not until maybe like mid way through season 3.

And yeah sure I get that she was showing interest in him all throughout the series and she was definitely sexually attached to him. But it just felt like such an ubrupt change from that to wanting to be with him and saying she loves him?

And yeah sure she could definitely still be demiromantic like me (for those of you who don't know that when you only experience romantic attraction after you develop an emotional connection) and she's still aro. But still I can't help but feel like Dutch and Davin were put together because the writers or the network wanted a main romantic relationship because just like sex, romance sells.

Anyways that's besides the point because Johnny and Dutch are still the greatest platonic relationship I have ever seen on tv. I love their dynamic and I love the qpr-ness of it all. It feels being seen you know?

I just love them.

I hope you enjoyed reading this! I hadn't seen any posts like this about Johnny and Dutch so I wanted to make one.

[crymeariveronceagain]

Consider: Aroace Ro and Aro Bo in a Qpr

*considers*

nah

*considers again*

well, maybe

*considers some more*

my eyes have seen the glory

*considers even more*

Tax evasion marriage.

Tax evasion and parental approval. And power. They discuss it, the night of their official betrothal. Neither of them want to be married in a romantic way.

"Look," Ro said, staring at Bo, where he stood, across the room from her. "There's nothing wrong with you, per se, it's just that I don't like you."

"I don't like you like that either," Bo said, simply, picking underneath his nails with a battle axe. "But I've got an idea. We're friends, right?"

Ro squinted at him. "Yeah? Fighting battles side by side and mother-henning children will do that to you?"

Bo snorted. "Well, here's my idea. We get married, but not as lovers. We get married as friends."

"That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard of--"

"But you'd never have to worry about marriage again. We'd just be married in name, and friends before anything and everything else. If you ever feel something for me, we can discuss it, and if you don't it's fine."

Ro glared at him.

"And your dad would really be proud of you."

Ro nearly hit him. Because that kind of stung. Her father would be proud of her if she married Bo.

And she didn't mind Bo. She just didn't see him in a way that most spouses saw their spouse. He was her friend, and a good friend at that. Possibly her best friend, she thought, inspecting him, watching him fiddle with the edge of the blade. They'd been forced to hang out with each other, forced to look each other in the eyes, forced to talk--

And they had a lot in common. They weren't incompatible. They weren't a mess. They were a team, and a good one.

They'd grown very close, they turned to each other with their struggles. Wars had waged, and it had only drawn them closer to each other. Ro would have fought an entire army to protect him.

She would have killed any enemy she had to.

But she didn't want to be married to him. Did she?

He looked up at her, once.

"Ro," He said, "I could go out there and say my vows and mean them."

Ro blinked, startled at the change in topic. "But you said you don't--"

"The vows say nothing about romance. They talk of honor. Of love, of respect. They want us to be a united team, a whole, a solid brick of defense against whatever warfare comes our way. And I think we could do that."

Ro scratched sharply at her chin. "Is that right?"

Bo nodded. "We're friends, Ro. I'd always fight for you. We're really good friends. I'd always honor you. We're practically best friends, I'll always respect you."

Ro looked away, the words hitting home in her chest. He meant it, she knew it, but she didn't want to rush into anything. "You'd be okay with that?" she asked, finally. "You'd be okay with a marriage to someone who just wants to be your friend?"

Bo grinned at her. "Of course I would, Ro. After all, it's just a permanent friendship, isn't it?"

Ro looked at him. "It's a complete gift of yourself to another--"

"But that has nothing to do with romance. That's a choice to give your entirety to someone else." Bo grinned at her. "I'd give up everything for you, Ro. I hope you know that."

Ro blushed, and Bo grinned at her. "Will you be my best friend?" He asked, slowly, "Forever?"

Ro blushed brighter. The look in his eyes was happy, clear, and open. It wasn't romantic. It was more than romantic. Between them was the sand of whatever good relationships are built on, that romance is just the water splashing above. They were already down to the bare bones, she thought to herself.

"Doesn't sound like an awful idea," She answered, finally. "Let's get married."

[annabellelupin]

Aroace Remus headcanons <3

Note: This is based on a queer headcanon promt for aroace Remus, and in this he uses He/they pronouns and is a cupioromantic and polyaffectionate (maybe bi oriented aroace as well but you all can decide upon that for yourselves). In summary, this is just aroace Remus wanting a relationship and getting advice from Regulus. I really enjoyed writing this as well as addressing the arospec struggle of wanting an intimate relationship but not having romantic attraction at all or often (honestly this isn't talked about enough). If you all have any queer headcanon prompt ideas feel free to let me know and also I am not proof reading this :)

Remus had known for a while that he was aroace, and was perfectly fine with it too. He was definitely really confident in their identity and all of his friends were really supportive too

They were proud to identify as aroace even if a lot of people disliked it

They still had close relationships with others- just not romantically of course. He had Sirius and Lily, two people they felt very close with and knew he could trust with almost anything. They were his closest friends and he cared for them a lot

Usually he'd be fine with the idea of not being in a relationship with someone else, but other times the idea of never having a partner upset them

He wanted to be really close to someone like that, to have someone to go to for emotional support, kisses and cuddles, and even just have someone that cares about them deeply

The thought of never being able to have that with someone else saddened him

They wondered why he couldn't simply do those things with friends, and why it always seemed like they were something only romantic partners could do

I mean why couldn't you cuddle with your closest friends and rant to them when you're mad or live with them in a little cottage together and just spend your days with them and it still be platonic?

Eventually Remus decided to talk about how he felt with a friend of theirs that was also aroacespec

Regulus is an asexual demiromantic, and doesn't exactly have romantic attraction often since he usually doesn't get very close to people. They've known for quite a while that he was aroacespec and Remus figured that they might be able to give him some advice

"My problem is I do want to be in a relationship but I'm aroace and don't have romantic attraction to people." Remus wasn't even sure if that made sense. I mean weren't aroace people supposed to dislike the idea of relationships like that?

"So you're a cupioromantic?" Regulus asked him. They honestly weren't really sure about what it actually meant.

"What does that mean?"

"It's like the aromantic version of cupiosexual. It means you don't have romantic attraction but would like to be in a romantic relationship."

"That's a thing?!" It never really occurred to him that other aroace people might feel that way too. Maybe they were a cupioromantic

"Yep, plenty of arospec people want relationships and are cupio. That's part of the reason why queer platonic relationships are a thing. I'm actually in one myself."

"A queer platonic- what?"

"A queer platonic relationship. It's a relationship that's not quite a platonic friendship but not exactly a romantic relationship either. They're very open and broad and each couple can really set whatever boundaries and rules they want for themselves. For example, my partner and I cuddle and spend a fair amount of time with one another, and care about each other a lot, but aren't exactly romantically attracted to each other. These types of things can really vary for different people. Some enjoy doing sexual things with their partners, while some don't even like physical affection like kissing. Queer platonic relationships allow people to have what some call "platonic partners" and have a relationship with them."

Remus really had to think about that for a minute. So he could have a relationship with someone even if they're aroace. He really liked liked the idea of QPRs even with what little they knew about them, and honestly, he kind of wanted one.

"How do you know if you like someone in that way?"

"Once again, it can just depend on the person. For me, I knew I really enjoyed my partner's company and wanted to do typically romantic things with them. And for them, they knew they're really liked me, but in more of a platonic way than a romantic one."

Remus immediately thought of Sirius and Lily. Perhaps he liked them like that. I mean, they do really love their company and always feels safe around them. Not to mention he absolutely loved the idea of living with them and spending a lot of time with them

"Well what if I wanted to be in a relationship like that with someone? Would they have to be arospec too? And how would I even ask them to be my partner?"

"I mean if you want to be in a qpr just find a person that you'd like to be partners with I guess. And no, not necessarily. Plenty of people in qprs are arospec and aspec but that definitely doesn't mean they have to be. I mean, I'm a demiromantic and can have romantic attraction and I'm in one. And all you really have to do is ask like you would with a romantic relationship and make sure they have a clear understanding of what they're getting themself into"

Now Remus had another question in mind. Could they have more than one qpp? I mean he did think of both Lily and Sirius when considering potential partners, but would they be able to a qpr with both of them?

"Is there by any chance I could have more than one queer platonic partner?"

"If you want to and both of your partners are comfortable with it, then yes. I mean my partner is polyaffectionate and has another platonic partner other than myself. We're all three fine with it and have boundaries set and we're all comfortable with it."

"And polyaffectionate means?"

"It's kind of like the queer platonic version of polyamorous. People who are polyam sometimes want multiple different romantic relationships and can have attraction to multiple people at once, while polyaffectionate people want multiple intimate platonic relationships like queer platonic ones and can like multiple people like that,"

Remus spent the next few weeks thinking about what Regulus had told him. They questioned whether they were polyaffectionate or not and eventually came to the conclusion that he was both aroace and polyaffectionate. Both labels fit him well and they enjoyed knowing that he wasn't the only person that felt this way.

He finally decided to stop putting off something they had been wanting to do for the last week or so. He was going to come out as polyaffectionate to Lily and Sirius and ask them to be in a queer platonic relationship with them

Coming out was the easy part, he knew their friends would love and accept him no matter what. Asking them to be their queer platonic partners on the otherhand was not something they were looking forward to. He worried they wouldn't take the idea seriously and would assume he wanted to be with them romantically and weren't actually aroace

One evening he found them talking in the Gryffindor common room and asked if they could talk to them privately. Of course they agreed and the three of them decided to talk under a tall tree out on the grounds

"I have something to tell you guys," Lily and Sirius could tell Remus was pretty nervous, and both tried ro sound calm and caring

"You can tell us anything Rem," Sirius assured him

"Yep" Lily grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly, trying to comfort him a bit

"I- I'm polyaffectionate. I mean I'm still aroace too but I want to be in queer platonic relationships and want to have more than just one of them."

"Oh I've heard of that before. That's really cool Remus," Lily gave them a little hug and then Sirius did the same.

"Thanks for telling us Rem," Now that was out of the way. Time for the more difficult part

"I also wanted to ask you both something," They both gave him a little nod, encouraging them to continue

"I was wanting to know if maybe you guys would like to be in a queer platonic relationship with me? I mean of course only if you two are both comfortable with it and stuff."

"Of course! Well at least I do. I mean we've pretty much been in one for years anyways Moony." Remus was really surprised to hear Sirius say that.

"I'd like to too, but only if James is comfortable with it since we're dating now. I don't see why he wouldn't though since we're both polyam." Lily smiled at him and Remus started to to tear up

"Really? I didn't think you two would want to."

"Well we do." Sirius grabs one of his hands and Lily grabs the other.

They walk back to the Gryffindor common together and ask James if he's comfortable with it, and of course he is

Then Remus becomes partners with Lily and Sirius and they're all super happy and after Hogwarts they buy a little cottage and all live together (with James ofc) and live happily ever after the end

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

hi there ryan!

from a questioning person who's had more identity crisis' than they could count😭 -

i'm a girl, and when i was about twelve or thirteen or so, there was this girl i've thought for years i've had a crush on. i really wanted to be close to her and for her to trust me w/ stuff, and i thought she was pretty, and i'd look at her a lot because of it, and i thought sometimes that it'd be nice to kiss her (like, on the lips but with our months closed, i'm ace-)

anyways- i've identified as pan for the longest time but now i'm realizing that i don't think i've had a crush on anyone or ever will? like, that girl was the first person i've felt that way about but i have the same thoughts about other people w/ different gender identities that ive previously thought i've had a crush on before: they're attractive, itd be nice to kiss them

but like. that's all. i only recently even found out that people weren't kidding when they talked about butterflies in their stomach or getting nervous around crushes n stuff. my parents never let me engage w/ any media relating to predominantly to romance and i never really enjoyed engaging w/ it either as i grew up, so i didn't really know what crushing on someone was supposed to feel like, then i looked it up and realized that it doesn't sound like i've ever had a crush? it sounds like i really want to be friends (i have one close-ish friend and i've always struggled making friends and i'm basically perpetually lonely), and i can like envision myself kissing them but now i've realized that i can do that w/ anyone, like i thought it'd be nice to kiss those certain people when i thought about that in regards to them - but i don't know if that qualifies as a crush yk?

i think i might be aroace? maybe mostly ace? because whenever i think of a romantic relationship i just want one where it's a friendship but we kiss on the lips and cuddle sometimes. is that a qpr? a normal friendship? dude idk at this point, i know you're just another teen (i'm 15 - that's too old to never have had a crush on anyone right? like i don't think i will, ever, because the whole concept of it sounds foreign to me, bc i don't think i've ever felt that way but this all hinges on whether or not i have actually felt that way, like, when i think i have had crushes - idk if they were crushes yk - i still cant see myself falling for someone the way my friends do and characters do, so honestly idk) but ive been stressing about this for years and i really have no clue what's going on, maybe you could help v confused me?

Heya there anon :D

You can read this, this, and look through my #aromantic questioning tag if you want!

Hmm yeah that doesn’t really qualify as a crush 

Ayyyo that’s awesome my dude, being aroace is so cool :D

Hmm it’s really whatever you want it to be really, like it sounds like it could be queerplatonic? Maybe do some reading on qprs and altérons attraction see if it sounds familiar!

Fifteen isn’t too old to have never had a crush tbh, there are lots of people who don’t first experience romantic attraction until much older! I’m not saying this to discredit your aromanticism but yeah fifteen isn’t too old at all!!

Hmm yeah mate it sounds like you’re possibly aromantic. I suggest reading the posts I’ve linked above, also following some aro blogs @/arosuggestions is a good place to start!! And reading more about apterous attraction, etc, see if you relate!

Tbh my advice is try on the label, say “Im aro” and see how it feels!!

Hope I could help you out, lmk if you have any more questions and have a great day/night :D

[illfoandillfie]

Maybe a ben POV one? where bens off on a movie shoot and misses you and wants to fly you out to him but he’s worried it’s too much of a “romantic gesture” like in movies so he doesn’t want to weird you out but then on the phone you say how much you miss him too so he gathers the nerve to ask you and you’re like duh ofc I’ll come you dork (im envisioning this still kinda early in the qpr maybe right after platonically or smth)

Thank you so much babe!!

This is the second of the blurbs for my Platonically themed event! This one follows directly on from the one I posted yesterday so maybe read it first.

Words: 1,759

Warnings: just two idiots being dummies. Minor references to sex and probably some swearing but that's about it.

Reflecting on the situation, Ben had come to the conclusion that it was the perfect time to be in Greece. The run of beautiful weather they’d had over the course of the last month must have set some sort of record, he thought. Every day was blue skies, white fluffy clouds, and the sort of heat that was comfortable and not overly sticky. It made working a dream, especially when half the film seemed to take place on the beach. The sand was warm under his feet and the water clear and cool. They didn’t have much down time since the studio was pushing for it to be finished ASAP so they could release it at the optimal time, but the few days off they did get, Ben spent either fishing with some of the crew or else exploring the picturesque town they were in. There was just one downside. You weren’t with him.

Whenever the thought crossed his mind, whenever he really started to miss you, he’d remind himself that he loved his job, loved that it took him to exciting and beautiful places. And then he’d send you a quick message to check how everything was back home. He called too, mostly in the evenings after he got back to his hotel room. But the deeper into the project he got the more night shoots there were and the later he got back to his room. What brief conversations you had were good but not quite the same as if you’d been there with him. Of course, he’d try to remind himself that it wasn’t like he’d never been away from you before. But those times had all been before you got together, and the changed nature of the relationship made him feel your absence more. He never said that to you though. Mostly, when you could talk, Ben would ask how you were and talk about the exciting things he saw. He’d tell you about the beaches or the trinket shops and say how much you’d like them but he’d never tell you exactly how badly he wished you were with him. He didn’t want you to take it the wrong way and he didn’t trust himself to explain it properly. Whenever he tried to verbalise it (quietly, to his reflection or the dark hotel room he was staying in) he worried it came out too...well, romantic.

The truth was, he’d always been attached to you, since very early on in your relationship. You just got him. His sense of humour and his personality and the way he thought. It took him no time at all to start referring to you as one of his best friends and it was a title you’d held for years. But then he’d realised the way he liked you wasn’t strictly platonic, and it made him feel weird around you. More uncertain than he was used to. He found it hard to describe the relief he’d felt when you agreed to think about his QPR idea or how, when you’d accepted, it had alleviated the uncertainty and doubts that had been plaguing him. To you it would probably sound sappy and sentimental and tat all what you wanted to hear from him. Of course the QPR was really just an extension of your friendship. More or less the same, just a few new ways to show affection like kissing and getting you off (both things Ben greatly enjoyed), and a few new words that made it specific to the two of you. And maybe a new future too, depending on how things went. But again, while he might think those sorts of thoughts, he wouldn’t know how to begin saying any of them to you. Because he was starting to really want that future with you, and saying so might make it impossible to get there.

So Ben allowed himself to miss you quietly. Occasionally an idea of inviting you to join him would pop into his head. But he always let the thought go as quickly as it came. The weeks ticked by like that. Texting when you could between scenes and less and less frequent calls at night, which left Ben’s head swimming with lots of unsaid things. Progress was made on the movie too, most of the beach scenes wrapped and everyone moving to other parts of the script. Until everything came to a screeching halt. Ben wasn’t entirely sure what the problem was – something to do with scheduling conflicts or maybe special equipment that hadn’t arrived on time. All he was told was that things would be back up and running soon but it might take an extra few weeks to complete the project. He didn’t mind so much, it gave him a bit of extra free time after all, but it also meant he wouldn’t get to see you again for a while.

The possibility of flying you out to Greece to join him had been rattling around his brain since his third week on set. You could spend a couple of weeks, maybe a month, together. He could take you to that restaurant he’d sent you photos of and show you the handmade stationery shop he’d stumbled across that he knew you’d have fun exploring. And then there was the rest of the town, thin streets to get lost in together and beautiful views to look out over. Maybe you’d like to walk along the beach with him and collect seashells or rent a little dingy to take out on the waves. Once or twice he’d come close to actually asking you to join him but he always talked himself out of it, sure it would be crossing a line for you. Missing you was one thing but offering to buy you a plane ticket and whisk you off on a getaway to a gorgeous Greek island was surely too romantic. But the news of the delay made him consider it again.

That night he called you, smiling as soon as he heard your voice. At first the call was like any other. He listened to you talk about what had been going on since he last had a chance to call, getting caught up on your mutual friends and your work and whatever else came to mind. “But what about you?” you finally said, “You must be pretty busy since I haven’t had a call from you in a little while.” “Well I was busy except not so much right now,” “Oh?” “There’s some sort of delay, I don’t the details. But it looks like I’ll be here for another few weeks at least.” “Oh.” Ben was a little surprised by how disappointed you sounded. “I really miss you,” “I miss you too,” his voice got softer as he said it, “a lot.” “I really wish I could see you,” “Well,” he said sheepishly, hoping he wasn’t reading things wrong, “how would you feel about coming out here then? I can get you a plane ticket if you want.” “No shit! You can do that? You won’t like, get in trouble or anything?” Ben laughed, not quite understanding, “What are you talking about?” “I don’t know man, I’m not an actor. I just figured it’d be like a partner free zone. Like they wouldn’t want you getting distracted or whatever.” “You fucking dork,” his laughter threatened to obscure the words but he managed to make himself heard, “That’s not how it is at all. You being here wouldn’t be a problem, as long as I’m on set when they need me. Plus it looks like we’re about to have a whole lot of downtime anyway. So does that mean you wanna come?” “Ummm let me think abo- of course Ben!” “Well if I’d known you’d react like this I would have asked sooner,” The laughter had faded, leaving a grin on his face, though the embarrassment at his hesitancy was creeping up too. “Wish you had’ve. Why didn’t you?” “I just didn’t want you to take it the wrong way,” “And what way would that be?” “A romantic way? I don’t know! It’s just the sort of thing that’d happen in a romantic movie or whatever and I didn’t want to come across like that. It’s Greece man, it’s kind of a romantic place. Maybe not like Paris but it’s up there. Don’t laugh,” he groaned, “I’m just saying, white sands and clear seas and lots of pretty flowers in bloom, it’s definitely got romantic vibes.” “It didn’t even cross my mind that it might be that sort of thing. No offence to Greece, I’m sure it’s lovely.” Ben let himself chuckle at his idiocy, “I guess cause I’ve like, y’know, got feelings for you or whatever I saw the romantic side and assumed you would too. Feel silly for not just asking you but I’m glad we have that sorted now.” “I think it’s sweet, Ben. I love that you were conscious of how it might be perceived and I understand you didn’t want to hurt me. But yeah, dude, please get me that ticket, I miss you a stupid amount.” “Alright, I’m on it. When do you want to leave?”

Two days later and Ben was content, sitting and staring out at the waves on a quiet beach as you rubbed sunscreen into his back. He’d greeted you at the airport, feeling ridiculously excited to see you, squeezing you in a tight hug (which you later suggested had cracked one of your ribs). “Okay, all done, now let me do your front,” you shuffled around Ben on your knees, throwing a leg over his lap as he leaned back on his palms. “You’re such a perv,” Ben chuckled, subtly adjusting his posture to push his chest further towards you, “I bet you only suggested sunscreen so you could feel my boobs.” “Oh you caught me,” you squirted some more of the cream directly onto his chest, beginning to rub it in, “Definitely nothing to do with sun safety.” “No I get it, you don’t need to lie to me. You missed my pecks. It’s totally natural. But let me know when you’re done so I can show you the same courtesy.” "Think we might save that till we get back to the hotel, Benny,”  Ben laughed at your exasperated expression, raising one arm to pull you toward him for a kiss, barely noticing the cool of the cream still on your palm as you cupped his cheek and kissed him back.

[bookwyrminspiration]

My main HEADCANON that I’m currently in love with is that

Elwin is Aro/Ace

BUT HAS A QUEER PLATONIC PARTNER

I’m just projecting

BUT OH MY WORD

Also imagine being in a queer platonic relationship with tam like I would love that sm

as an aroace person who has been in a qpr for the past three years I think I am in love with this headcanon too--this is excellent I love it so much.

Romantic attraction and all that is so finicky and too much work, but that doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate the people in his life and have someone he holds a little closer than everyone else. It feels like it would be accidental on his part, that he'd be going through life, content with who he is and what he's doing with no desire for anything more, and suddenly this other person just kinda plops into his life. And just like oh you're here now and I care about you.

we could also go a more slow burn thing where they meet on an off chance once but then keep seeing each other around until eventually they start to become acquaintances and know a little bit about each other. They've got the basics down of what they do and what they like, and they start to become closer friends over time. They spend time together voluntarily and message each other throughout the day. it all culminates, and one day Elwin has the realization that it isn't friendship between the two of them, but it's not romantic either. he doesn't know where that leaves them, and it's more of an unspoken thing where they're at, but he doesn't feel the need to define it more than that. But what they have is untouchable and unknowable, and it's theirs. And they love each other and are affectionate and maybe move in together eventually.

Maybe Elwin doesn't really tell people, private as he is (we actually don't know a lot about him, if you think about it). But when his qpp comes up in conversation there's a softness to the way he speaks that just really shows how much this person means to him. I don't even have an idea who this other person could be but I love them so much

also tam--I love the idea of Tam being in a qpr so much I can't even articulate it!! So many things about him!!

I've said it before but I will repeat it again, I think Tam is casual with physical affection when he's close to someone. He's not close to a lot of people, but the people he is receive no shortage of physical touches and moments. From straightening your partners hair out for them to throwing an arm over their shoulder to placing his leg atop his partner's when they sit by each other. I think his temperature would run a little cold (shadows are an absence of light and therefore heat, after all), so he'd be excellent to cuddle. it can get hot at times with two people who are both warm, so it's always nice when at least one of you is a little cold. And for Tam, he gets to steal heat from his partner, which is always fun. (in case you can't tell, I'm frequently the cold one and am a little biased).

And his awareness, which I've discussed recently, makes him an excellent candidate for a partner. He reads people and he reads the room, so he'd be more aware of his partner's unintentional body language and cues--which is appealing to people who have difficulty voicing/communicating their wants with others, who want someone who can just tell what they need. And if he truly cares for that person, he'd be protective and considerate and gentle.

We can see with Linh aspects of his attitude towards the people he cares about, and while it would be a different relationship with a partner there are elements that are universal and can be applied elsewhere. He understands that while he wants to protect something, they can still be very powerful and he wouldn't want to hold them back--unless it was for their own good. That ties in to the protective part, including protecting them from themself. But he'd also listen and be open to conversation and taking advice. He'd probably be a little embarrased about it, but he calculating. He doesn't just dismiss everything out of hand, but considers it beforehand to determine if he should take it into consideration.

I might've made this comparison to Tam before but I don't think he'd do casual, just like Ronan Lynch. Being in a qpr with him is not some casual thing that just happens to have come into place between the two of them that they just mess around with. If they are in a qpr with Tam then they are intensely commited to each other. They do not fall apart and there is no doubt in either of them minds of the devotion they have for one another.

Overall I think Elwin would be lovely as aroace, though I am biased. And him having a qpp would be so soft and sweet and lovely to read (not that all qprs are soft, but I think his would be). Tam would make an excellent qpp and I love thinking about that aspect of him. He doesn't feel soft and affectionate, but cautious and intense at the same time. I have so many thoughts about Tam in a qpr; you've only touched the surface.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hi,

I have a question.

I'm a-spec and I'm still really confused about what a QPR is (specifically what makes it different from like...Best friends who are roommates/the most important person in each other's lives). I have a feeling it's very, very different, but every time I try to put my finger on what makes it different, I feel like I'm forcing romantic (but non-sexual) feelings on it.

I'm gonna say some fictional 'ships' and maybe you can tell me if I'm on the right track for what QPR is?

Meredith/Christina (Grey's Anatomy)

Parker/Hardison/Eliot (Leverage (I know Parker/Hardison are explicitly romantic, but I feel that as an ot3 unit they're like a qp3 (cuz they'd both be platonic life partners with Eliot), does that make sense?))

Dean/Castile (Supernatural, in canon, not fanon I know people want them to be romantic in fanon)

The term QPR was coined for relationships that didn't fit neatly into either a romantic relationship or a friendship. So it could be something like the dynamic you have just doesn't really fit either; or they don't follow the usual cultural rules to be one or the other; or maybe both friendship or romance just don't feel like the right way to label the relationship. Sometimes it can be used to say 'this is a very close/important person to me, etc.

The big thing about QPRs is they tend to be tailored to the people in them, and so they'll vary quite a bit. So it's a bit hard to define them as one thing or the other, they'll be different to different people.

For the fictional examples, I think most often you can read them as QPRs but also not. Often there's an argument for both readings unless they are explicitly stated in canon to be in a QPR (I have to be honest, of these shows, I've only ever seen Leverage, though I think Parker/Hardison/Eliot is fair to read as a qp3).

Basically I guess I'm trying to say is that it's a bit messy, and has a lot to do with how people feel internally and what makes sense to them as much as it does cultural norms. So it can be tricky to say 'this is a QPR and this isn't' unless you know how people are specifically defining their relationship that way.

So hopefully that makes sense. If you're still having trouble getting your head around, you may find the original post where the term was coined interesting (read the comments section).

All the best!

[legobatjoker]

oh wait heres an opinion i don't already know your take on but im curious. i think that like, yes kataang kiss at the end is not good, yes they're just kids, yes aro aang & qpr kataang r beloved,... but also omg katara and aang r so adorable & they're babies who think they're gonna be in love forever & that may not be .a completely healthy way of thinking lmao but. they r so sweet and beloved for it

OK OK IM GONNA SAY SMTHING I WASNT PLANNING ON ADMITTING .one of my favorite episodes is cave of two lovers and its prob the one i rewatch most often…. and id consider is the best kataang episode aahhhh. but ANYWAY. their crushes are absolutely cute they are so cute its very cute and im willing to admit this. but most of their romance in the show. is bad! its been said b4 but those full body shots of katara are so weird and also when she gets the fn clothes especially and just theres so much bad. theres so much bad. BUT ILL TELL U WHATS GOOD and ill tell u where kataang peaks in the show and its in the fact its so so clearly just a cute little childhood crush bcuz they are kids BUT ALSO ITS NOT (its a v meaningful lifelong frienship)! katara and aang r deeply connected and very much in love and eventually that manifests in the form of a qpr i think either when theyre adults or late teens and would prob b after some sort of break up. but ok ok to stay on track—they r kids with crushes, especially aang who had a nonstopping crush from the beginning (yes he’s aro. i also had a big crush on a girl for like a year when i was like 13. u know. but unlike me aang also has a deep friendship w her and not JUST a big crush) .. and i think they either then? lose their crushes the second they start thinking of dating? OR, and this is my preferred view—look, most of the comics are bad or meh. but the whole thing of kataang being the most icky couple ever of unending “sweetie” “honey.” THATS REAL. thats what they are and no one can bear them and eventually they realize that they maybe liked the idea of Dating Their Lovely Crush OMG Finally more than they actually have romantic interest in each other. aang realizes he’s aro much later, and they remain super close friends, and katara is always always aang’s favorite person and katara loves aang very very much and yeah they become a qpr i think. i didnt actually much get into the deep platonic connection i think they have here but mayb some other time ill talk ab why they r so #in love .ok im done