#im just trying to generally... organise myself a little here

[piierrote]

finally legitimately sorting out my shit around my shop i have NO IDEA how ive been running my etsy since like 2019 and havent organised this before,,, i was relying on shitty little checklists in lost notebooks

[gentlehue]

Heyyyy cyn!!

this year i’m going into high school and i was wondering if you have any advice?

hi lovely!!!! first of all CONGRATS ON GRADUATING MIDDLE SCHOOL ☺️ so so proud of u 🎀✨ as someone who’s entering y12 this september (junior year! my system goes until y13) i have MANY thoughts so here are your secrets from a girl who’s seen it all on surviving high school ₊˚⊹♡

i'd like to start off by saying high school is not that deep!!! im assuming you might be a little worried about entering hs, and while i didn't experience a shift between middle school and high school myself (since in my system its all just secondary school), i def DID notice the shift in people's maturity levels as i went into higher secondary which is close/equivalent to your guys' high school ♡ my first couple years of secondary (aka middle school) were HELL ON EARTH 😭 everyone was starting drama and also it was covid for the majority of the time, so in general i wasn't enjoying it. however i feel like in high school people become more focused on their studies and grades than they were before and are also more open to making friends, myself included!! :) so don't be afraid to approach people and make new friends if you'd like, because you'll def need them to survive the last 4 years of school 😫 if theyre other freshmen like you, chances are theyre also pretty nervous and you might be putting them at ease by socialising!!!

HOWEVER.... make sure you make GOOD friends. i can't stress that one enough as someone who's been friends w "the wrong crowd" and suffered the consequences, its very very important to make friends with people who align with you and your goals and can uplift you instead of bring you down! if you recognise that someone's doing you more harm than good, don't hesitate to cut ties with them 😣 for the longest time i was the kind of person who was SO easily influenced by literally anyone who was just a little nice to me and looking back now i really wish i had my guard up more and was able to actually break friendships off instead of just wait for everything to explode in my face 😭 if you feel the need to cut ties w someone, make sure to do it in a civilised manner and not start drama because the last thing you need is friendship drama stressing you out along with schoolwork

speaking of schoolwork.... focus on that! you might go thru classes thinking you dont really need to pay full attention right now since you're just a freshman, but the years go by SO quickly and the info accumulates and all of a sudden you're trying to figure out things you should've learnt years ago 😭 trust me as someone who had to cram 2 years worth of work in 2 months for my exams last school year its not fun at all 😬 keep your notes neat and organised, have folders or binders or whatever works for you and keep everything because you never know what you'll need to go back to someday!!! ive had so many instances where i was studying n realised i shouldn't have thrown away that worksheet from 5 months ago 😫

have a very strict routine and try your best to stick to it, it'll help a lot w your mental health and your studies! its scientifically proven that waking up and sleeping at the same time is very good for you (and also proven by me if that matters LOL) so set a wakeup time and bedtime! i have 2 each depending on if its a school night or weekend but in general i still wake up and sleep early just so that my body can be used to that! def dont pull all nighters, i haven't done them personally because im not the kind of person to study at night (i like to get everything done first thing in the morning LMAO) but i know people who have and trust the side effects are not worth it 😣 aim to study for a certain amount of hours every day just for the sake of consistency! i think w school in general consistency helps a lot

do not cram PLEASE do not cram unless u know absolutely nothing do not cram 🙏🏼 dont try to stay up all night the day before an exam, dont try to shove content inside your head on the ride to school, end your studying the day before and leave it at that!!!! cramming is the biggest lie EVER because all you're doing is stressing yourself out for no reason and then when you enter the exam you'll be so worried the info you worked so hard to remember will leave ur head ☹️ TRUST ME if you've studied well for an exam, you'll remember the information once prompted by the question 🤍 trust yourself and your hard work!!

save some time for self care and having fun!!!! high school can be super stressful sometimes, so try to make it a little fun and less worrying for yourself by taking care of yourself! too much studying is equally as harmful as no studying at all 😚 find a middle ground and stick with it and you should be fine

these are all off the top of my head and might not make any sense because its past my bedtime but i rly wanted to answer this LOL i might rb w more stuff tmr if i remember anything else but feel free to ask for any more advice if you need it!!! i answered an anon ask ages ago talking in more detail ab study tips because i have a lot but i cant find it anywhere unfortunately, might make some tip posts leading up to the new school year if anyones interested though!!!! take care angel, you've got this 🎀

[riddlemethisjeremy]

"But its fine to be LGBTQ+ in Australia in 2024 Australia is such an accepting country"

Get away from me.

Here is an itemised list of shit that i see around me/has happened to me. Just in my little sphere of observation I'm not talking about online or anything just circling around fucking me. Organised from shit that bothers me the least to shit that fucks me off to an unbelievable extent:

All the shallow "LGBTQ+ safe space !!!!!!!" Stickers i see at places like target (I am not talking about actual queer spaces like Dangerfield oh my god i will never ever get over the time that the person at Dangerfield asked if i would like to see their "masculine selection" like holy shit ???? Yes i would love to see the "masculine selection" thank you for not making me a man in this store- anyways) it just makes me a little mad that they just have to put a little sticker in the window and suddenly they're a "safe space" like come off it mate no one's buying your shit

Those people who say they're like supportive and then go and bag out a highly minoritsed section of the community (example taken from my current home) "I support trans people i believe trans people should be able to live and be whoever they truly are" "if my child ever told me that they wanted to use "they/them" pronouns i would assign them a gender myself" "I think all these little "microlabels" like pansexual and aromantic are fake theyre just kids looking for attention" "well apparently you can identify as a tree these days lol I'll just tell them i identify as a dog and cock my leg on them"

Other generally passive homophobic comments such as "oh you're pansexual? Does that mean you're attracted to pans?"

Walking into class and getting slurred or called an "it" or being spoken about like I'm a creature rather than a person: "Sir, can you take that thing outside" "Its not a part of this classroom" "Someone should really put a muzzle on that thing" "oh, sorry, "IT". Got my grammar mixed up."

Possibly the more upsetting part of that is the teacher, who is aware of me being trans and has been since he took our class, has not done a thing about this despite stating that he was going to do what he could to support me.

The casual biphobia/complete erasjre of my bi identity that happens like literally daily? Like hello i like both ?

The younger queer kids being targets of creeps and harassment because theyre just "attention seeking queers" and no one would believe them if they said anything

Being clocked by customers at work and having to deal with harassment surrounding my entire identity despite the fact that I'm not even out and having to pretend to have a laugh about it with my coworkers while im literally shaking and like on the verge of an anxiety attack

People fetishizing drag queens/critisizing them for not doing drag in a "traditionally correct" way. Like ?? She's not bopping he bussy for anyone but herself fuck off

My own friends not believing me/taking me seriously when i try to talk about the harassment/abuse that I face at school/at work because "its 2024 and these places are safe places and they literally said they weren't trying to be offensive"

Being outed in the workplace because i was trying to help my gf get a job (which i didnt realise was a whole thing at the time) and then being punished for not telling people about our relationship to begin with (neither of us are very out and I didn't want to put either of us in an uncomfortable position so I didn't mention it because its not their business?) my gf is no longer getting a job and i am significantly less likely to get the promotion they were talking about giving me

The sheer amount of homophobic/transphobic parents that i know of in the area (mine and my gfs included) and the fact that "allies" don't seem to understand why we won't tell these people about ourselves (especially those of us with notably abusive parents (myself and my gf included))

"Well she can't like you very much if she's not willing to tell her parents" "i just don't think she really cares about you if she's keeping you a secret" shes literally let me give her kisses at the bus stop guys she just wont tell her mom fuck off

The fact that if her parents find out they could report me to the police for grooming because even if the age gap is literally eleven months she's still a minor and the courts are more likely to convict me because im queer. This would literally end my life.

the fact that im being encouraged to leave the fucking love of my life because its "too dangerous" and if my life is ruined by her parents its her fault some how so i need to protect myself ???? What the fuck ????

And finally "You cant save everyone you know" like ???? I know that doesnt mean that the people I CARE ABOUT should have to suffer to keep ME safe. Thats fucked up.

[moriaddty]

Small note: this is very diffrent from other things i post, but i decided to just use this blog as an outlet for whatever is currently going through my mind, whatever i am currently hyperfixated on, as a way to get it out of my head for now, to maybe stop the hyperfixation.

It contains traces of my experience coming out as trans to friends and a certain part of the doubt/concern that those reacted with, just in case this is smth you are sensitive to, i was too when i started to come out to people.

Im currently thinking about discussions i had with a friend of mine about discrimination he experiences as a man and how he feels lost and like there arent any support things for him and other young men, but he hears of lots for women and LGBTQIA+.

And this friend isnt the only one that discussed that with me. Nearly all of my cis male friends talked about similar experiences around me coming out as a trans man still pre-everything.

The sentiment echoed by all of them was: "why would you want to be a man, it sucks, you just get ignored by society and all your struggles invalidated."

Some even voiced the concern of "If you want to be a man bc you hear how men have it easier then women all the time, its not worth it, our struggles are different but we struggle and dont even get support." (very weird and kinda backwards suspicion of my "motivation" to come out and wrong but nonetheless honest of what they think somehow?! I took it as genuine concern out of not knowing a lot about my side and experience. Those who in following talks made clear that they just voiced it bc they werent believing my experience and emotions, were against being trans and trans people in general, i cut out of my life.)

I explained to them that i dont "want to be a man" but i am a man, or at least feel extremly uncomfortable and hurt when being percieved as a woman, and feel more confident in myself and somehow relieved when being percieved and treated as a man.

I got (mostly, luckily) accepted for who i am, but the sentiment of "Our struggles that are closly connected to being men are being ignored and invalidated, we dont get any support for them like other people do for their struggles." I hear even more now, as i hear bros talking to me as their fellow bro.

And i just realized: arent young men also a minority in most countries?

They have to be because the youth in general is a minority? Here in Germany, the majority of people is around 60 according to statistics. People older then 80 are a minority, but so are people under 35.

How come we hear so little about supporting structures and organisations for young men? I know some exist in Germany (not that many catering to specific problems young men experience sadly), i looked into that before, but even the mere existence of those isnt in common knowledge of your everyday person.

Like, not even the knowledge of the specific organisations. But that something like it exists, not only isnt in the awareness of people, but even the possibility of smth like that existing seems to unfathomable for many, hence they don't even try searching for them.

Anyone has any thoughts on why it is like that?

(Also any pointers towards organisations that also have support for struggles of young men, especially in Europe and Germany, that any of you all maybe have made good personal experiences with (or even bad experiences ones as a small warning of those) are greatly appreciated, as are any other resources about this topic.)

[brella-boi]

2022 has really been a year of highs and lows for me. I did a lot of life achievement stuff and I really put my foot forward into the Adult World™. I got a car and got into an artist society where I met so many cool people, slowly trying to get out of this anxiety bubble and feel any scrap of freedom I can while living with family. I started a job where I wanted and I really pushed myself to expand my online shop. I've also met my favourite people in real life and travelled very long distances by myself while remaining as organised and painlessly as I could. I also got a couple really nice bug pets that give me a lot of joy. Even though my room is now very much overrun.

But. I've also been out of work half of the year. There has been a drought in contracts and it'll be another two months before my next gig is finalised. I never managed to move out. I also pushed myself a bit too much merch and project wise. I crunched the last 3 months of the year too much, and I immediately got back into crunch to finish off the last tidbits when the new year hit. I was left with very little time to myself or friends or things I could enjoy like games. I'm very tired. And I'm typing this after a very frustrating art day. I've also had quite a few mishaps with friends, and really realising what place in the world I take up in retrospect to their lives. A wake up call if you will. It really made me appreciate the few people who still stick by me and love me for who I am.

This year there's a couple things I want to do. 1- Stop pushing myself so much. Stop with the crunch of new merch and focus on 1 main update. Maybe for summer. Restocks and spare prints in between. If it's something new it must be small and doable. 2- Relax. Give myself time to play the large library of games I wanted to play this year but was too busy and anxious to. 3- Do stuff for myself and have enough time to get to commissions I've been booked for without crunch. 4- Try continue the current comic and finish a collab comic. It's all about that first step. 5- Table at some cons. A big goal to get out there at last.

Overall I think in general I want to take it easy career wise. I want to focus on what I really want to do instead of being highly all over the place but lol im not sure being in one place too long will work me. The least Id like to do is work on my animation skills a bit more. Maybe plan a new short film. Something small. Something quaint. But that's a maybe. I just want to continue bettering my skills.

As for online stuff, I want to thank everyone who have supported me and shop this year. Those who stuck around when I started shifting my focus in art and style. And those new mutuals and friends I made this year here too. Yall are amazing. And I really, really appreciate you all so so much. I hope you all have a wonderful 2023. We're gonna make it work together 🎉

[thecurseofclever]

I feel empty.

not the depressive kind because i'm not sad. i just feel nothing.

there's no reason for me to stay up at night but it's the only time where i can just be. i've been told that's just another thing that is a result of my autism. because i mask so hard throughout the day just to fit in with society by the time i come home i have no desire whatsoever to be a person and the only time i get to enjoy that is at night.

& i could be doing so many things right now. there's chores to be done. things i should organise to help my life flow a little better. i could be going to the gym to get this fucking weight off me but...

i just feel defeated & empty.

i've convinced myself it's not gonna get any better from here because there's no logical direction for me to go.

my girlfriend loves me so. to a degree where i don't understand why she wants to be here. we're all wrong for each other in some ways. like she eats and cooks and those were two things that didn't really happen a lot when i was single (hence why i'm fuxking atrocious now). but i'm also too tired to fix it. fixing it would mean straying from the normal routine and that just sounds like such a hassle. fixing it feels like it would mean having a partner who is even a little bit concerned about their image and i don't. i want to be more invested in this relationship and i want her to feel the full happiness and love she deserves but i don't think i can give that to her bc i'm too busy hating myself for not meeting the standards of the world. we're also just so different. im not sure leaving is in the picture tho. we both have a love for each other but something small inside of me still feels like there's so much more to life i should be doing or enjoying. right now i can't. right now i've found myself in a relationship that although happy is not the best for me.

i'm just tired. i don't want to end my life but i also feel so worthless that i can't see it being any different.

so many people want me to socialise or to socialise with me and i don't know how to tell these supposed friends that

(1) if i didn't have to leave my house to work to afford the things i need for my house i would never escape my apartment.

(2) i don't deserve friends. i don't deserve nice clothes. i don't deserve fun adventures.

once you reach a certain weight what is even the point of existing ( i feel that way about myself and people in general) ((i really took the phrase no one cares unless you are pretty or dying to heart)).

i should pick myself up and fix all of this but i'm just so tired & i can't see a point in trying bc based on pattern recognition that's not gonna get me anywhere.

i realise i've said this a bunch but i am so fuxking tired. exhausted. there's nothing for me to do but just exist everyday and im grossed out by that.

i wanted to say so many other things but typing that made it all worse so now i'm gonna go think about how fat people should exist and i should change my life but there's to much resistance anyways....

[nogenderbee]

Im not sure if this is open or not, i hope you don't mind? Also, my condolences to the anon who lost their bird today

what nickname would you call your lover? - nicknames! im not comfortable abt pet names tbh

what's your perfect date idea? - just indoor dates, or (if i could force my ass to get up) aquarium dates(fishes are always interesting! Especially whale sharks) Or any date if they want too, im very much the type of person to follow their lead

what are your hobbies? - playing games, reading about biology, watching nature documentaries, organising stuff (especially rearranging monopoly), and if I don't have anything to do? I sleep

what's something you hate in others? - pretty much mean people, but mostly those who don't understand others, like everyone or myself, and those who thinks they are greater than everyone

What are your main 3-5 personality traits? - I am easygoing, the type of person to not worry about anything and just enjoyed to chill with everyone, though sometimes I could be lazy and that's a problem, i enjoy sharing my interest with other people if they ask about it, but sometimes it's a pain when i kept rambling about science. I am also quite dumb?(especially in math) Just middle smartness like most would have, but i do have high emotional intelligence, and that's a plus! I can tell when someone is sad or just them feeling negative emotions

what activities/hobbies you like? - gaming, drawing(especially drawing animal anatomy), skateboarding, and roller skating!

what activities/hobbies you don't like? - social events, i have to prepare a myself some clothes at 8 to go there because of my sleep schedule, and me not wanting to get out of bed

Have a good day!

Hii! Yes they are open! And also yes poor bird...

I don't mean to be mean now but... let's get to pairing, shall we?

So I pair you with...

🥁🥁🥁

Kanade Yoisaki!

⊱ Kanade is really alright with nicknames and she most probably won't use pet names for you if you won't either! So maybe you can call her "K" or "Kan"?

⊱ and she's really a big fan of indoor dates since it doesn't require her to go out but she can also spend some quality time with her lover! But going somewhere calm like aquarium is also alright with her, as long as you're not on sun or anywhere demanding energy from her it's gonna be amazing

⊱ I have a feeling like it depends on genre with games with her so maybe you can find some games in common! As for how much you like nature and biology in general, it may be funny but she got into it and is better at it thanks to you. And now she doesn't mind watching few nature documentaries with you! As for organizing... it's your difference... she does try to have things organized but it just ends up on that important things are organized and others aren't really... You both like to sleep tho-

⊱ as for your skateboarding and roller skating... she will give them a try if you ask her but pretend it'll drain all her energy...

⊱ and finally, she's not a fan of social events either so it's rare when she'd initiate meeting at those but she also can go through them so she may help you with preparations if you may need that

You and Kanade were at aquarium, it was rather calm, you were now sitting on a bench because she got tired of walking and you decided to take a little break to drink and maybe eat something.

"Thank you for doing it for me..."

"No problem! How did the photos turned out?"

"I think good. And Mafuyu liked them too."

She showed you few photos, there were many photos of all kind of fishes you could find in this aquarium but there also was a photo of just water in aquarium... but you decided to not question that and continue to admire all the really good photos she took.

"It's really pretty here~ Would you mind coming here with me and others form Nightcord next time? I think they may like it here as well..."

❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉

[bonvoyagenoona]

Cheryl I wish I was that organised in my life the way you are with your writing 😁 honestly the level of organisation just shows up in the way you write as well bcz each of your plots that I have had the honour to read have been immaculate!

I'm not sure (because I'm kinda scatter brained this year) whether I left any feedback on the map of Mrs Kim chapter 1 and honestly I'm quoting most of this from memory since it's been a few weeks since I read it so here goes:

First impressions : judging by the multiple drabbles we were spoiled with, we had a general idea of the plot already and that whetted our apetite for what's to come as well made us a little more in love with the concept of a healthy happy marriage between the 2 Kims and the enthusiasm she has to get her sons hitched. I love this family so much 😂😁 the chapter didn't disappoint! I think as a vibe it was a very warm family based narrative where we got sufficient insight into each character which I appreciate a lot as a reader because I don't have to keep guessing about their vibe and wait for the world building to keep going at its pace. Some writers don't know their characters and we as readers keep guessing if it's a grey character or a stupid one 😂

Pacing is great. It was not a slow chapter. Infact it was a very suburban middle class Saturday family gathering vibe to me which is very relatable (uve given myself away lmao)

Mrs Kim and her business cards had me ROLLING AND CLAPPING - THAT WOMAN IS A GO GETTER hahahhahahahaha

Her maternal warmth was such a comforting element in this chapter and im sure throughout the series.

I don't remember Mr Kim much at this point since it's been a while I read it I'm sorry but I'm sure he was great and salivating after his wife and making inappropriate dad jokes 😂

WHAT I DO REMEMBER IS THE YOUNGEST KIM FLASHING HIS DAMN FINE ASS TO HIS BROTHERS (I wish I was the brother)

The little kid sassing namjoon 😂🤣 honestly I'm looking forward to namjoon being a teacher bcz it suits him so much

Jin and his sadness. I feel you bb..

I'm really rooting for you as you write this story *waves pompoms and bakes you a cake, gluten free ofcourse*

More is eagerly awaited ❤️ I hope life is treating you well Cheryl. I am still struggling with time and 3 of your fantastic series are in my pending reading lists which KILLS ME😭

Aw, thank you so much for reading! I’m always so happy to hear what you think, to get your takes, to hear what resonates! 

Your light, humor, excitement, and encouragement, have always been so inspiring! I’m really happy this story made a good first impression with you! Cracked 😏 up that Taehyung’s bare ass stuck in your mind 😂 and so happy that the story feels like it is both rooted in something while also moving forward at a good pace! Trying to do my best to weave as much of the warm, softener-scented fabric of the AMOMK universe in, and feeling so motivated by your cheers (omg, pompoms and cake 😭 I’m not worthy)! Hope you enjoy getting to see more and more of the Kims as they navigate through life together! 💜

And, y’know, I think that has been the most fun with this little experiment of ours? The characterization! They all started out as itty bitty Boots-toting drabble babies lol, and you all have been so kind and generous, giving the story and characters room to grow. Thank you for that kindness and generosity! It makes all of this so, so much fun!

source

[pocmuzings]

hello hi , it is g , ur friendly local neighbourhood hindu indian ( as in south asian  ) ! so a few people requested that i just make a guide-esque sorta thing on hindu  indian characters ! im not really good at guides , so instead , these are just little things i’ve noticed or picked up on that could really potentially strengthen the next indian character u ( pretty please ! ) pick up ! 

disclaimer : i am writing this from my perspective and it is NOT definitive , nor do i speak on behalf of all hindu indians  ! i am a 23-year-old bisexual cis female hindu indian , with one older gay brother, and a Train Wreck middle brother . my mother is from new delhi , and my father is from nairobi but has indian heritage ( not sure which part of india bc he’s an Engima ) . i have extended family in india and have visited india about 10-15 times throughout my entire life .

so firstly , im so glad u all are here and want to write more hindu indian characters ! please please do so !  i hope this helps , encourages u , and isnt too confusing !! 

psa : i need everyone to know that this is a very basic ‘ guide ‘ and theres a lot it DOESNT touch on or address bc i didnt want to get too Extensive and Detailed and have people Turn off and not Read it . this is just written in the terms of hopefully helping build  character / be relevant to characters a bit better that ive employed into writing my OWN hindu indian character creations !  but if u have any other questions pls reach out to me or any other indians in the rpc and im sure we’ll try our best to assist u !

FCS: 

one thing i’d really like to say is that its great to see fcs like dev patel  , deepika padukone and avan jogia picked up every now and then in rps , but there’s actually a LOT of other indian fcs you could be and should be using ! the main reason people don’t seem to know them is because they’re not ‘ hollywood ‘ stars per se ( it was a super big deal when pr*yanka broke out of bollywood and into bollywood but we don’t talk about her on this Blog ) . they’re usually bollywood stars and i don’t really see bollywood discussed that much in the rpc ! 

if you’re after MORE indian fcs , i have a tag of indian females here , and indian males here . the fcs on my blogs are also not ALL that exist . there are plenty of other blogs out there that post indian fcs , such as sonamhelps &  bollymusings !!! there’s also some really great faceclaim directories out there that include a LOT of indians with resources !

 unfortunately , i do not know of any trans indians or nonbinary indians but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist . indian cultures and beliefs are still quite Old School and not super progressive . india only just had it’s first wlw mainstream bollywood film released last year . lgbtqia+ issues are NOT really spoken about in india or within indian families at ALL , and if they are - they’re usually dismissed or reacted to Very Very Badly . ( again this isnt definitive and im sure and hopeful that some indians have had GREAT coming out stories and been accepted by their families but this has not been a common thing ive seen or witnessed from my cousins my age , indian friends , myself and my brother who are lgbtqia +  ) 

FOOD : 

we do eat with our hands and we eat like PROS with our hands . we can shovel it so easily and quickly . i don’t know how to describe it but you use the first three fingers of your hand to place the Food there , and then use your thumb to kinda scoop it off and into your mouth . this is NOT unhygienic because indians wash their hands very regularly and most of the time we aren’t actually touching our mouths to our hands ! 

indian food is MADE to be eaten with your hands for the most part . it is literally NOT practical to eat food with a knife and fork . here’s a really great article explaining things more in depth re: indian food and using our hands !

cows are seen as Very holy beings in hindu indian culture , and for that reason - there isn’t a lot of beef being eaten or consumed. sure , some indians DO eat beef but i don’t think its super common, but in my personal experience as a non-beef-eater this results in A LOT of me asking ‘ oh ,  sorry what sauce does that pasta come with ? ‘ ‘ oh those are beef sausages ? sorry i can’t eat them ‘ etc etc . beef is in a LOT of things , and this makes me very very careful and almost pedantic about what i do eat and ask about , food wise  !

indian food is seen as stinky by a majority of white people . it has a very very strong smell as im sure u know , and opening ur lunch box as a little kid to a Curry or Dal ur mum has made u ? one way street to being bullied . i also remember a time a real estate agent continuously told my dad nobody was interested in buying our house bc it smelled too much like curry,  despite my mum not having cooked curry in Weeks ( just say what u Really mean ,  bitch ! )

 indian curry exists but so does dal / daal . this is curry-like dish that is usually made out of lentils . so if ur going to talk about indian food and u know curries and samosas . . pls also bring up dals . and sabji ! ( sabji is usually just boiled vegetables plopped together . a lot of potato usually )

desserts are what we call Indian Sweets  . this is stuff that is usually very VERY sugary and a bit of an accustomed taste . theyre very colourful and LOOK beautiful but even i , for one , can not eat many indian sweets bc they are a Lot of Sweet and Sugar    . examples of indian sweets that u can google  : gulab jamun , burfi , rasgulla , jalebi etc . here’s a great link for more !

give me spiced food or give me death . literally . . put some cumin in . . put some garam masala . . put some chillies . . flavour ur Food for my Indian Taste Buds 

FAMILY : 

if you are the oldest son of an Indian Family . . congratulations . you are now the Head of the family and must carry every weight and burden alone . it is extremely isolating and taxing on you ( my dad is the oldest indian son , and also - so is my eldest brother , obvs ) . there is a LOT that is expected of you to do . you are expected to quite literally run the family and be the ‘ man of the house ‘ by yourself . 

if you are a daughter . . . even BIGGER congratulations ! you are basically a maid to every male or guest who EVER comes over to your house . you must be a Hostess , you must be in the kitchen cooking , serving snacks, bringing tea , and then washing up and basically waiting on Hand and Foot . you will not be included into a lot of dialogue or engaged in a lot of conversation and TRUST ME ! THAT WILL GRIND UR GOD DAMN GEARS IN THE 21ST CENTURY ! 

if you are a boys’ boy ( aka straight and Sporty ) , then congrats ! you get it the easiest : you are the favourite of every social event . the uncles and cousins love talking to you and dude-ing it up with you , and the aunts fawn over you and think you’re the Best Thing since sliced bread . sit back , put your feet up , and expect to be treated like a God. you can do absolutely no wrong . ( my middle brother is this to a T and listen . . he’s been in and out of jail for physical violence and ab*se for over 5 years . and family still FROTH over him . my teeth are gritted to dust thinking of this again ) 

indian aunties are lethal . they gossip like teenage girls . they will find out everything . they will bitch behind your back . they can NOT be trusted .

everyone is ur uncle or aunt, sister or brother . literally everyone . ur cousin ? no. thats ur sister . ur dads friend ? no , thats ur uncle . you will call them as such . EVERYONE is family .  

family is in general a VERY BIG THING in indian culture , too . ‘ what will it Look like to everyone else if we don’t all arrive together ? ‘ my dad usually asks dskjdfjn . it’s all about Looking Right and Standing As A United Front  . that being said , indian family has undying and unwavering loyalty for one another , they just show it in a very Weird way .

FASHION: 

female hindu indian formal  clothes are usually really embroidered to hell and back and this makes them very scratchy , uncomfortable, and HEAVY . you aren’t running anywhere anytime soon in a full blown lehenga or saree 

most ‘ modern ‘ hindu indian women do not wear full Indian Clothes all the time . some do , but usually it’s a lot of wearing a kurti tunic with jeans , or just normal everyday clothing . again , this is going to be different based on which parts of india your character is from , though ! 

usually , older women and married women  wear traditiona hindul indian clothing quite often . i know my mum wore a sari AT HOME everyday when i was growing up, until i was like 13 and took her shopping with me to get something Else to wear . 

bindi’s just stick right onto ur forehead but they do fall off a lot , especially when ur wearing makeup or sweating . again , you don’t need to wear a bindi everyday , unless thats ur preference . i usually only wear them for festivals . ( festivals means indian celebrations , not like . . coachella  ((which u should not be wearing a bindi to , if ur not indian fyi )) )

male formal clothes are usually just literally anything Formal and buttoned up for the most part , and u can get away with that , or you can wear a really nice kurta

indians wear white at funerals , not black  ( not sure if this should go in the fashion section but this entire thing is being organised into a Mess by now anyways ) . you CAN wear black to a funeral of course , but its common to wear white !

DATING ( tw’s for islamaphobia ): 

modern day indian / desi fuck boys exist and my god they are Something Else . hasan minhaj did a really good piece about this and explaining them to a T ( starts at 1:43 )

( THIS IS THE POINT THAT WILL MENTION ISLAMAPHOBIA AND HOMOPHOBIA ! ) basically according to Older  indians , ,  ur dating options  in 2020 go like this ( if ur a cis female like me ) : hindu indian men are god tier , white men are Not Okay But I Guess So Bc We Have To Accept They’re Everywhere , females / being lgbtqia+ is not Taken Seriously , and muslims are literally not even close to being an option or Accepted  . again this isn’t definitive but based on a lot of  indian media i’ve consumed and seen how they portray muslims in general as well as Dating Options , as well as talking to other indians  , both who are older / traditional and hold these ideals , whereas Younger gens generally do NOT hold these ideals  / actively are Against these backwards ideals.   i remember when i was in year 6 and had my first boyfriend . . he was a muslim and my dad FLIPPED the FUCK out  . it’s not even that i was dating someone / young / his only daughter . . it was mainly because i was dating a muslim . again , this is a very OLD SCHOOL and traditional way of thinking and it is NOT CORRECT .  pls don’t take this as a note to be islamaphobic if u write an indian character bc . . thats literally the opposite of what im trying to tell u here . 

yeah arranged marriages are definitely still a thing for us , even now in 2020

YES if u are an unmarried / single indian ( ESPECIALLY if ur a woman ) about to enter ur 30s . . ur in DANGER and u are the black sheep and theres probably something Wrong With You bc why are u still single ?

TRADITIONS / BELIEFS / SUPERSTITIONS :

idk if its just me and my family but we are SUPER superstitious . if you say anything like ‘ he hasnt gotten sick in years !’ immediately , everyone knocks on wood or their head . if you were planning on leaving the house and sneeze ? thats bad luck , stand and wait for five minutes then u can leave . we have a strong belief in drishti , or  alternatively : The Evil Eye  , and making sure we don’t invite it into our lives . a lot of our prayers are about warding drishti away .

the evil eye is kinda Complicated but basically its an ill-wishing upon an unsuspecting person . if somebody is jealous of you or angered by you , they may wish upon you or cast upon you the Evil eye ( or even just glare at u whilst ur not looking and thats Big Bad ) . 

a lot of older indians , like older people in general i guess , are not super progressive or Open . this isnt ALWAYS the case but older indians can be very very stubborn in their beliefs in what is Right and Wrong , Normal and Not Normal 

theres a LOT of hindu indian festivals and events ! tbh too many for me to even keep up with . but without fail at least once a year ill say to ONE of my friends ‘ oh sorry i cant make it . i have an indian Thing on that day ‘ and its usually about a festival , so pls be aware that there are a LOT of indian festivals and if ur writing an indian character , its perfectly understandable and Relatable for them to say they can’t make it to a party or hang out with their friends that night , for that very reason !

the main / most popular ( ? ) festivities  that i personally do celebrate every year without fail are : 

diwali ( the festival of lights , celebrating goddess lakshmi roaming the earth . in my household this is usually turning on literally every single light and lighting candles and fireworks / sparklers and saying some prayers , and eating a formal dinner all together !  )  

holi ( the festival of colours . celebrating victory and love . again personally for me , this was usually celebrated at the temple with all of us Kids running around throwing paint on each other ! ) 

rakhi / raksha bandhan ( a day of sisters celebrating their brothers . you tie a rakhi which is usually a bracelet / holy string around your brothers wrist , feed them some food , pray for their wellbeing and in return they gift you something . in my case, i usually get money from them ) .

navratri  / durga puja ( 9 nights and 10 days of celebrations but tbh u don’t have to do all the days . or i mean . . i don’t . i fast one day from morning to night and then i slide on over to boogie and dance dandiya which is literally the MOST FUN dance ever bc its based off some Historical Fight and u go faster and faster and keep going until ur absolutely SPENT bc u dont wanna lose ur place in the circle )  

there are SO MANY HINDU INDIAN GODS too . and so many prayers to all of them and to just general Life Wellness . chances are that ur character will know at least ONE aarti / gazal / prayer off by heart and have sung it at least 30 times in a monotone voice . the ones i know off by heart bc ive had to sing them 3000 times ? om jai jagdish hare , & the gayatri mantra 

GENERAL LIL THINGS I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO CATEGORISE ( tw’s for skin whitening , colorism and classism ) :

( THIS IS THE POINT THAT NEEDS A TW FOR SKIN WHITENING AND COLORISM  ) lets hold indians accountable right now : we advertise SKIN LIGHTENING CREAM  . i think they finally stopped that earlier this year / due to BLM ( i’m not entirely sure / could be wrong ) , but thats literally how bad it is , that we would openly advertise and encourage people to literally bleach their skin rather than look darker . 

( THIS IS THE POINT THAT NEEDS A TW FOR COLORISM AND CLASSISM ) colorism is a BIG thing in india and usually linked to class . generally speaking , the people who are Darker Skinned are usually people who work outside / labourers or homeless even , and are therefore seen as lower class / bottom class . the lighter skin you have , the more privileged and advantaged you are bc ur seen as working a Good job out of the sun and having a home . it’s incredibly classist as well as just generally Fucked Up . why am i telling u this ? mainly so u understand the importance of using a dark skinned indian fc vs a light skinned indian fc which i know is hard , bc a lot of darker skinned indians arent in hollywood / have resources , but its still something to Think About .  

i have a long Ethnic name . literally my first name is 10+ letters , which i know doesnt seem that long Necessarily but its also a Super Ethnic name with e’s and and j and n . it Flows and Sounds very clearly different from a christian name . it is VERY important to me that my name be said Correctly because i’ve spent so much time having it said incorrectly or Westernised . i also know a lot of indians my age who ( like me ) have had to dramatically shorten their REAL first name ( which is usually also pretty long . not always , but it is Common ) , to fit their name into white people’s mouths better . please put some thought into ur indian characters name !

not all indians speak hindi ! hindi is one of MANY dialects within india . there is also tamil , urdu  , bengali , punjabi , telugu and SO many more , so pls research which part of india ur character / their family  is from bc hindi won’t always be the default language for them !

not every indian is hindu ! of course ur character doesnt have to be religious at all , bc if im being honest IM barely religious but my FAMILY is and this is smth u should think abt bc religion is a pretty big thing for indians . so even if ur character isnt hindu , they were probably raised with SOME religious beliefs . have a think about which religions they would have been brought up with ! there’s a very large percentage of practicing muslims , sikhs and buddhists too ! and even christianity !

WRITING WISE / CREATING AN INDIAN CHARACTER WISE :

the first step should be to consume indian media ! listen to indian music . watch bollywood movies ! theres SO MANY  out there on everyone’s netflix . if u want some recs , let me know and i can try my best to find smth for u ! if u want smth thats Hollywood-indian . . . Hasan Minhaj is great to watch , especially his episodes on indian culture / politics , and Never Have I Ever on netflix was rlly good / relatable for me personally as an indian growing up in a western society !

i would really really love to see more indian rep in general , but i’d also like to discuss the Stereotypes that ive seen indians portrayed as in mainstream hollywood media :

indian women as soft spoken and subservient beings who are abused by their husbands and have no say in anything 

heterosexuality within indian relationships and indian dating 

indian men as sleazy 

indians in general not being seen as Sexy or Sexual beings with any sex drive at all 

Stumbling , Stuttering , Nerdy awkward messes of men who don’t know how to interact with anybody they find sexually appealing

an indian character that everybody ( usually white ) finds Uncomfortable and Weird and is seen as usually the Butt of the joke .

 i think those mentioned above could be helpful in how to plan your next indian character and think about how to SUBVERT a trope theyre often portrayed as , or create an indian thats not stereotypical !

so what and who SHOULD you write ? 

an indian character who is proudly and openly gay , or bi 

a trans or nonbinary indian ( PLEASE ! ) 

an indian character with really super accepting parents and family 

an aromantic indian 

an indian who is focused on their career first and not their dating life 

a fuckboy / fuckgirl ( honestly . . i’d love to see it )

a indian character who is a party animal 

an outspoken indian female who takes no shit and is strong in every sense of the word

a confident , smooth talking indian businessman who is Sexy and Lusted After ( not in a gross christian grey way but just . i’d love to see indian characters seen as Sexy . not in a fetishy way , either , but just because it’d be a nice change in pace ! )

a character who IS traditional / religious but also very progressive and forward thinking in their beliefs 

honestly just any character that isnt whats mentioned above

[streamacademe]

Bonus post: Thesis writing.

This post will be a combination of tips and tricks I have received from numerous sources, with the majority coming from Shinton Consulting and STREAM IDC staff. 

The big T

If you’re anything like me, just the word ‘thesis’ can instill a sense of dread in me. However, the best way to deal with a phobia is to face it head on, so let’s do just that, both in a literal and metaphorical sense. 

What a thesis is and what to expect...

Writing a thesis could take anywhere between four weeks to a whole year, and sometimes even longer! The worst thing you can do is compare your progress to that of others; setting a benchmark is one thing, but beating yourself into a panicked pulp because you haven’t written as many chapters as a fellow PhD/EngD won’t do you any good. The best thing you can do is have regular discussions with your supervisors on how long your thesis will take and plan accordingly. 🕖

Your thesis has to be fit for purpose (that is to pass), which means that it has to:

Satisfy the expectations of your institution and industry sponsor (if applicable).

How did you solve the problem that was proposed to you?

Contain material which presents a unified body of work that could reasonably be achieved on the basis of three years’ postgraduate study and research.

Show you have done the work and impress your examiners.

Allow your examiners to confirm that the thesis is an original work, which makes a significant contribution to the field, including material worthy of publication.

Research your examiners and quote them where possible, especially if they’re relevant to your field.

Show adequate knowledge of the field of study and relevant literature. 

Make sure you read all of the key papers in your field. 

What were the gaps in knowledge?

The ‘references’ section is very important as this sets the scene and examiners will read this. BUT, don’t have too many references. 

Demonstrate critical judgement with regard to both the candidate’s work and that of other scholars in the same general field.

Compare approaches and conclusions of others.

Note potential conflicts of interest.

Why did you use this method/approach?

Is your interpretation the only possible explanation?

Be presented in a clear, consistent, concise, and accessible format. 

Make your examiners lives easier. 

Make your viva as pleasant as can be!

Basically, you need to know why your project was important, be able to explain the key work that has already been done in the area and how it relates to your research aim. You should then be able to explain what you have done during your research and how this contributes to your field. 

Note: Keep checking university regulations! Each university should have their own code of practice for supervisors and research students, which will look something like this. 

Picture: A short summary of the above. Source: Tumblr.

Planning and writing

I’m not going to lie to you, it is not going to be easy. I have only just embarked on the journey myself and am already overwhelmed. However, with the right preparation, coping mechanisms in place, and a tremendous amount of self-discipline, we will get through. ☕

Getting started

You need to practice writing. That’s as simple as advice gets. 

You need to practice reading other PhD/EngD theses, mainly to understand what to expect, and to experience what being the audience for a thesis is like. 

Create a thesis plan... 

To start the mammoth task that is thesis writing, it needs to be fully understood and broken down into manageable chunks.

Make a plan (perhaps based on the table of contents of another thesis) of all the sections and chapters in the thesis.

Then break these into sections and keep breaking it down until you are almost at the paragraph level.

Now you can start writing!

Where to start the actual writing?

Start with the most comfortable chapter, such as a previously published paper, a set of results that are straightforward and can be easily explained, methodology/methods, etc. 

Create a storyboard for your thesis and write as if you are telling that story.

If you’re not sure what comes next, refer to previous theses and back to your plan and storyboard. 

Be ready to amend the plan for future chapters as each is completed and you become more aware of what the thesis must contain.

Remember: THINKING IS HARD, WRITING IS EASIER. 💭

Organisation

Develop and maintain a logical filing system.

Improve your back up technique; if it’s not saved in 3+ locations, it is not safely backed up.

Back up every day.

Never overwrite previous documents, just make many versions. It’s not worth the risk of losing a valuable piece of work from a copy and paste error.

Copy any key parts from your lab/note/field books as these can get lost/damaged.

Keep a file/folder of thoughts, references, etc. that you are not including in your thesis; these may be useful to refer back to for ideas and information.

Effective writing

Establish a routine, don’t be distracted, take breaks.

Set clear and realistic goals for each week/day. 

A GANTT chart is very good for this; use it to keep on track and measure progress.

You just gotta start. The hardest part is the beginning.

Don’t stall on details, walk away for a short break to clear your mind.

Get formatting correct from the start (check your code of practice/regulations).

Be consistent with references.

Seek help from the experts - supervisors, postdocs, online sources/training programmes etc.

Create SMART objectives for your writing process:

Specific - e.g. “I will complete chapter 3/collate all diagrams” rather than “I will make good progress”.

Measurable - e.g. “I will write 4 pages today” not “I will try to write as much as I can”.

Achievable - e.g. “I will complete the first draft for my supervisor” not “I will get it perfect before he/she sees it”.

Realistic - e.g. “I will complete the introduction today” not “I will complete a chapter a week”.

Time - it can be useful to set yourself deadlines e.g. tell your supervisor you will hand in a draft on a certain day - that way you are sure to have it done.

Finally, find a balance between being tough with yourself whilst protecting your well-being the best you can. I wrote a post a little while ago that covers managing your mental health during a PhD. Read it here. 

GIF: Anna Kendrick dishing out some top advice. Source: Tumblr.

A few more tips

Supervisor management

Establish what you want to cover in each meeting.

Keep a record of the outcomes and actions from those meetings.

Make your supervisors lives easy; they’re very busy humans.

They are unlikely to judge work unless it is presented completely (i.e. fully written with tables, figures, etc.).

Give them a neat, complete version of a chapter at a time (proof-read thoroughly and spell-checked).

It is in your supervisors interest for you to complete in good time; they are experts and will offer a lot of support.

To summarise, a good thesis:

Has an appreciation of what came before.

Focuses on the interesting and important.

Is well reasoned.

Will change the way people think.

Will teach your supervisors something. 

Has publishable results.

Is logical in presentation, analysis, and arguments.

Is well illustrated with tables, figures, graphs, summary flow charts etc.

It is worth spending a lot of time on these. 

Is written without grammatical and spelling errors.

Has an appreciation of what comes next.

I hope that the above was helpful! There are many resources out there, so get exploring if you need more advice!

I’ll soon be writing a post on how to survive your viva! So, watch this space. ✨

Photo: Make this your phone/desktop/laptop/everything background when you’re writing, I know I will! Source: Tumblr.

[ziracona]

hey zira, what are your hot takes on all of the fo4 companions?

Haha, I don’t know how hot they are, but I can give you a speed run! (Also I am very excited to get this. FO4 was the first open world game I ever played and just the concept of that and the hugeness of the world and branching story & sudden feeling changes towards me in companion characters totally blew my mind, & it still lives rent free in my heart).

Ada, Old Longfellow, and Strong I /still/ haven’t maxed despite having too many hundred hours to want to list on this game—the former bc they were DLC, Strong because honest to god I left him at a nice settlement and then completely forgot about him and remembering that I am the energy in this Ryan O’Flanagan video but abt leaving my super mutant in a tiny settlement alone. I will get there! To max affinity I mean. But anyway, I don’t truly know those three, so my takes are incomplete. So far though, I really like Ada. She is a good girl just trying her best. Fucks me up I can tell her to self destruct. Even though I feel sure she would ignore me, I cannot imagine ever saying that to her. It was really sweet she was willing to forgive the Mechanist and move on with her life. A good girl. Longfellow I am maxing rn (was last time I played anyhow). I enjoy him. Gruff grumpy old man but he seems quite decent and I like his idle banter and when he sings to himself a lot. Seems like he’s had it rough. Strong I liked. He’s wild, and I loved how insane meeting him was, and am worried about him eventually understanding poetry and how that might mess up his sense of world understanding. But he’s a chill dude in his own way and I am glad they gave us at least one nice super mutant.

For the companions I actually do know like the back of my hand, the speedrun:

Nick Valentine: Best man on earth. One of two fictional characters I ever called husband. I would die kill or live for him. I want to be 1/4th the man Nick Valentine is. One of the best characters ever period and I adore literally everything about him. It fucked me up early in game where right after he offered to basically risk destroying his mind to help a stranger look for her son, he asked me how I was doing. First character in the entire game to do that. His first companion dialogue is abt how you’re doing TuT. The man is very kind and forgiving and fair, but knows when the draw the line and take no shit. Emotionally mature, kind, caring, longsuffering. Incredibly damaged and broken by life, but holding on and living kindly and to help others anyway. One of the four most marryablen fictional men I’ve ever seen.

Preston Garvey: Brave, kind, sweet man. I would defend him with my life. He really just wants so bad to make the world better and life has been so hard, but he’s still trying. A beautiful and underrated companion and I would throw hands for him on sight. I adore how he whistles. A true and gentle and loyal friend. Take him to Quincy and let him get his justice it’s what he deserves. People who hate him because he tries to get help helping civilians in that game are weak. I love him so much... please give him enough time to reach max affinity he’s so worth it.

Deacon: *To the tune of You Are My Dad* You are my friiiiend! You’re my friend! (Boogie woogie woogie). Initially, he pissed me off bc he lies all the god damn time, but after we got close enough he actually trusted me, he stole my heart and I would also die for Deacon. He’s a really good person who thinks he’s shit because of who he was on his past. Also him 🤝 Preston: massive survivor’s guilt. They should be friends. Poor Deacon has been the last member of the Railroad like four times, and it’s awful. Help him. Give him love and support. He’s one of my all time faves. Also, Railroad hands down best faction and if you kill them for any reason other than like a walkthrough route video and I ever get the chance I would 100% clock you in the face as hard as I can, like going for losing teeth, and feel no guilt. I know it’s a game and that’s wrong, and I’d be wrong, but I’d still do it. Also, Ryan Alosio (his VA) saw me do cosplay for Deacon once and told me it was great and it filled me with even more love. Anyway Deacon is great. Also, his whole “There are other organisations out there. And, in time, I'm sure they're going to spoon-feed you their own patented form of bullshit. Ignore the verbage and look at what they're doing. What they're asking you to do. What sort of world they'd have you build and how they're going to pay for it.” Is one of the like, two most iconic quotes in all of FO4 & just super good in general.

Hancock: Hardcore badass man but also a good dude and a champion for the people. Man really puts his money where his mouth is and you gotta respect that; another favorite companion for sure. Big fan of the way he stabs a guy for you upon meeting, and is a cool leader who organized his crime and does a decent job actually leading. He works hard to help people and bites back hard. Social justice advocate, dangerous man about town, not afraid to cosplay a revolutionary war hero 24/7 & u gotta respect the no fucks given attitude. A chill dude. Like that he fights the institute, hates the Brotherhood, helps the Railroad, and is friends with Nick. He’s legit af. Also, his VA gives a different answer every time someone asks him about the voice he did for hancock and they’re funny af.

Piper Wright: A cool spunky lady. Lois Lane on the case, kicking butt, and taking name. She’s nice but also hardcore and smart, supportive, fun. A good person. You always get points if you like Nick (which most companions do), and they’re good friends. She’s funny and I love her. A good heart.

Codsworth: He’s great. He’s family. He’s like my...weird brother. Getting to max affinity is heartwarming and also makes my heart go :’-] . Great early-game companion bc he kicks ass and doesn’t need stims to heal. I love getting called by my name and think that was a great feature (well, my PC’s name). He’s a wonderful funky little robot dude and I am so glad he likes me.

Dogmeat: Amazing. A good boy. Doggo of the year. His actor deserved the game award she won. Cute, full of love, and plays with a teddy bear if you give him one. 100/10z

Cait: I like her a lot. She’s been through so much shit, and it makes sense she is how she is. I like they actually gave her an emaciated and messy (though still pretty) design, since she is a drug addict. And that they make her main quest about taking that seriously and wanting to get help, and that she’ll call out the player if they fuck around and do drugs in front of her after she gets rehabilitated. Her relationship to the PC if good is really sweet, and I am a fan. I like that while she’s not sympathetic to synths and thinks they aren’t people, she forgets that every time Nick walks into a room and is like “Oh hey Nicky : )”. She’s a good girl who has been through a lot and still needs time to heal and find herself, but she’s making great strides.

Robert Joseph MacCready: Human disaster (loving). Homeboy a goddamn /mess/ but I love him. He tries so hard to be cool. I love he makes you pay him to come with, then chickens out and gives it back lol. A fool ball of anxiety and bad decisions and what he thinks brovado is. I wish he, Preston, and Deacon would quit fighting, bc I am always like “ :’-] </3 Boys Please” when they swap out, but I love them just the same. He’s doing his best, he’s just stupid and a fool. Like Philip J Fry. Keeping his goddamn soldier toy, which somehow is listed as junk instead of sent to Misc with quest items where it would be fine, safe?parylizes me with fear. I’ve lost 2 hours of gameplay reloading an old save bc I accidentally lost it.

X6-88: A more complex one to answer about. He’s bad, but like, I’m pretty sympathetic to how he got that way. He was created in a lab and had his emotions mostly dragged out of him in intense psychologically damaging training so he would be a weapon and view himself as an object. I was relieved he chose me over the institute even if he wasn’t a fan of the chocie, and think that means there’s a lot of hope for him. Wish he’d chill the fuck out and quit intimidating civilians for 6 god damn seconds, but I like him. I bring him fancy lad snack cakes home from travels all the time, bc Synths are supposed to like them. Really like that he’s the /most/ sympathetic companion towards Danse in Blind Betrayal, even though he should not be programmed for that, and Danse hated him and made it clear any time they interacted.

(EDIT) Curie: I FORGOT HER BABY IM SO SORRY. I like Curie a lot, despite the fact I temporarily forgot she existed. I stg I thought she was in here. Uhhh, okay. Curie: like her character and personality, HUGE un-fan of both the way her desire to get a synth body is to be ‘more real,’ as if Codsworth isn’t a fully realized person while the same robot type she is, instead of just like. Because it would make her happy. ALSO hate how much of a Born Sexy Yesterday she is, even intentionally in not-determinate affinity talks. It’s gross. But her herself, I like a lot. She’s my daughter and I will protect her. She works at The Castle right now as their on-site medic.

Paladin Danse: I know I’m gonna take heat for this but honestly? He didn’t do much for me. I like that he looks and sounds kinda like Buzz Lightyear, and that’s fun, but idk at all why people think he’s so hot. He’s very boring & generic looking to me. Like you’re valid! Taste all be different. But he doesn’t do it for me personally in looks or personality. I don’t at all like, hate him. Or even dislike. Tbh I am fairly neutral on him. It was funny making affinity with him though. Every other companion I had maxed, I liked more and more with each affinity talk. They’d be like “So my dad was a minuteman and died and I want to honor him” or “I just want to really feel like I’m a person, for real, myself, and I am glad I met you, because the good we have achieved together is ours, even if I can’t be sure of anything else,” or “My brother threw the cultural minorities out of our city for clout bc the rich citizens were all racist, and I tried to help—I snuck them food to the unsafe ruins they set up in for weeks, but eventually, they just vanished, and I still bear immense guilt and self-hatred over not having stopped that.” And Danae’s would be like “One time a buddy of mine got kidnapped by super mutants. They turned him into one of them, and they’re all abominations, so I killed him and it made me really sad.” And I was just like “...Oh danse. I really wanted to like you more. But what the fuck.” His relationship to Haylen is sweet though. And ofc I saved him in Blind Betrayal. I blew up the Prydwin so he’s safe now too, and he lives in the garden by my house and tells me how glad he is we’re friends, and I’m p into that. Overall, my feelings on him are not strong at all though.

Porter Gage: Not a fan. Like, I appreciated he helped me kill the old boss, sure. And bc I owed him for that, I went to max affinity to see what there was to him as a person. And like, as far as raiders go, he was okay. But he wasn’t deeply sympathetic, and he’s a slaver, and if you try to liberate the slaves he and the others own, he /will/ turn on and attempt to murder you immediately, no matter how close you were, so he made his choice, and it was to be a bad person and an asshole to the last. Really enjoyed the VA’s work a lot on him tho.

And there you have it 👈👈😎. Thanks for asking!

[giggles-and-freckles]

I have one thing to say (make that two)

You are such a brilliant writer and I love love loveee your fics! They are absolutely wonderful even though they make me sad :( but in a good way :)

Point numero deux: ouch :(

Oh one last thing,

So for school, we are supposed to be thinking about a start for a short story we are going to write and I was wondering if you had any tips on how to think about plot lines, dialogue, anything?

<3

Oh my goodness, hello, this is so kind!! 🥺🥰 I’m happy to bring any sort of emotion–be it happy or sad...

As for writing advice–oooh. These are such great questions and I just feel so unqualified to answer because I’m chaotic evil when it comes to writing haha. I’m sure you can find way better advice from a multitude of better/more organised writers on here, but I’ll give it a shot, using the basic tips I tend to stick to! :)

Brainstorming: all of my brainstorming happens via sticky notes or the notes app on my phone. If I’m working, I scribble an incomplete thought onto a sticky note and stick it to my desk. If I’m going about my day in some other way, I open the notes app on my phone where I have a huge app with about 70 random fic ideas. 

What comes first: for me, it’s always dialogue, dialogue, dialogue. If you’ve ever read anything of mine, you probably already know how much of a crutch this is for me, but that’s just the reality I live in haha. I’ve been trying to challenge myself to write beyond that recently, but it’s tough. My wit is one of my only good qualities, so normally that wiggles it’s way in to my characters’ conversations. 

When I get an idea for an exchange of banter, angsty back-and-forth, or maybe just a great one-liner...I write that first. Dialogue is always my favourite so getting that on the paper first makes writing fun. For me, at least. Some people are incredible at painting scenes and establishing iconic metaphors or dropping some gut-wrenching descriptions. It’s just not my ish, sadly. But I’m working on it!!

A lot of wips look like this until I go fill in the gaps:

“Your lying skills have only deteriorated over time, young one.” Obi-Wan...in a tired but sassy way? Smiling maybe? Or too soon.....

“So has your hairline, old one.” Ahsoka. Smirk or grin?

Plot lines: ha. Yikes. So, I’m notoriously bad at plots, which is why I mostly stick to one-shots. But with the one multi-chapter I have going right now (so obviously not very experienced advice hahah), I made an outline. Which is just absolutely wild, considering I am the least organised writer ever. For this, I jotted out little plot points that I knew I wanted to include, leading up to the ending that I already had in place. For this particular fic, the ending is why I wrote it at all, so I actually ended up writing the entire last chapter first haha. But the first part of my outline looks like this–

Obi bringing ani home and awkward move-in (room switch?)

Breakfast? ‘what do nine-year-olds even EAT?’

Obi choosing not to cut his hair (bc of QG but he doesn’t realise that yet)

Obi giving ani a tour of temple and running into soka

Soka being blunt about the “old padawan”

Obi and ani argument over <something>

Obi wandering temple and thinking about qui-gon

Obi council meeting “worried about you” “im fine”

Obi runs into ahsoka on way back giggling in gardens with friends

Super incoherent and basic, but I wrote out a long bullet outline like that first and then grouped things together into rough chapters. Sometimes, I write more for a scene than I intended, so I’ll bump a tiny plot to the next chapter. But it helps me stay linear and focused. On that same document (beneath the outline), I have random bits of dialogue that I know I want to include, but don’t have a home for yet.

All in all, if your thing is super plotty, I think the most important bit of advice is to begin with the end in mind. Writers (me, I’m talking about me) have a nasty habit of thinking the plot will find them–and sometimes it does. But, personally, I’d rather have the plot skeleton there, so I can spend my extra efforts developing the characters and relationships.

As for thinking about plot lines in general: draw inspiration from things you love!! The multi-chapter I mentioned above is shamelessly a product of me watching Monster’s Inc. and cackling at how fumbling and awkward Sully is with Boo because what’s a child!!! But from that comes the absolute sweetest relationship. So I thought: what if Obi-Wan knew Ahsoka before TCW...when she was a youngling? What would that dynamic be like? And just kind of rolled with it. I hope that people reading that story don’t think to themselves ‘well this is just a Monster’s Inc. AU!!!!’ because it’s certainly strayed so far from that original idea. And since you’re a fellow creative, I sense you won’t have that issue either 😉

Anyway, that was a lot of rambling that probably wasn’t all that helpful, but I would love to open this up to any of my other writer friends!!! If you have things that work for you, please feel free to add on to this! I’m absolutely positive I’ll learn something new myself 🎉

And anon–when you finish this project...if you’re feeling brave, maybe consider posting it on here and tagging me! I’d love to read it!! 🥰❤️

[faelune-home]

Shall We Dance?

(A/N: I told myself I wouldn’t join ffxivwrite cos i don’t write that often, plus being able to do something in one day would be difficult for me...and yet I wrote this just today :’D idk now if i will try any ffxivwrite prompts, and im not submitting this for today cos it doesn’t fit the prompt and wasn’t written for it in the first place, but i’m considering it a bit more

Personal rambling aside; while I as a player stuck with Bard all the way through my msq playthrough until i finished shadowbringers, and didn’t switch to maining dancer till about 5.2, i figured for character timeline’s sake, I wanted to look at when miqo!Fufu might’ve first found the dancer troupe. It feels fitting that they’re based in Limsa at the level to start Stormblood, so this little story shot is set just before the trip to Kugane

No direct story spoilers brought up here, not even for the dancer questline

@ffxiv-writers)

“I’m still not happy about this. They can dress themselves up as ‘privateers’ all they like for whatever loophole, it doesn’t suddenly change the fact that they’re pirates.”

Alphinaud sighed, “As you have said so many times now, sister. And I shall remind you again that they were the only crew available on such short notice, and it affords us a chance to travel under Garlean radar.”

“And yet we still have to wait for them to prepare the vessel. If we weren’t so pressed for time I almost wish we could’ve asked the Admiral to remove her colours from one of her own ships for this-”

“With what hands? Most of her men are now in Gyr Abania aiding the Revolution, and what few remain here would be beholden to the citizenry. I know you’re frustrated with the current terms but at least be reasonable. With any luck we can secure a different ship for coming home at least.” Alisaie shot him a look, eyes narrowed and lips pressed thin, however she didn’t comment further.

The bustle of the market crowds passed them by, paying the siblings no mind as they waited. A flash of red broke through the crowd, and a little pink blur behind as Lyse and Tataru joined the two, boxes in hand.

“We’re all stocked up on supplies for the trip. No word from Carvallain yet?” Lyse asked, placing her own crate stuffed with foods on the ground. Heads shook, and the woman shrugged nonchalantly, saying, “Well, a little while longer to wait isn’t going to hurt. We’re getting a ship either way, and for now, we have good weather at least, and I heard there’s a show going on today.”

“What kind of show?” Alphinaud asked.

“Clearly the kind that can empty a market,” Alisaie observed, and indeed when the group looked around, the formerly swamped stalls were barren, leaving vendors to restock after the rush, the thundering of cobbles having faded further into the city.

“Well, Fufu isn’t back yet, so maybe it’s her little show?” Tataru chuckled, knowing of the Bard’s tendency for sudden musical moments. “You three can go and find her and enjoy the fun. I can take our supplies to the ship and fetch you once we’re ready to set off.”

The group split, with the Lalafellen woman heading for the docks, while the trio went back through the market, keeping an ear out for any activity or music. The closer they got to Bulwark Hall, the buzz grew louder, many a person chattering excitedly. A faint tune drifted over the sound of the crowd from the southern docks.

“It doesn’t quite sound like her kind of music,” Lyse mumbled, cupping her ear to strain over the din.

“We won’t know till we actually check,” Alisaie stated, already beginning to push past a pair of Roegadyn toward the music. The crowd only grew thicker as the music got louder. True to Lyse’s observation, the vibrant guitar and violin was unlike their miqo’te friend’s usual style of lively harp music. A swift schwing of metal against metal cut through the music, bringing out a cheer in the people. With a final push, the Scions broke through the final row to view the spectacle, ignoring the annoyed mutterings from behind them.

A miqo’te dancer spun in steady steps with the music in the centre of the plaza. It wasn’t their own miqo’te friend, yet the fire in her movements caught their attention all the same. The grace in her steps, the power in her swinging arms, chakrams in hand, one could understand the crowd’s zeal at the mesmerising movement.

Yet all too soon after the Scions’ arrival, the music came to a bombastic close and the woman struck her finishing pose, another schwing ringing in the air from her chakrams brushing against one another. The roar of the crowd was deafening, forcing an applauding Lyse to lean closer to her friends and yell, “She was quite good, wasn’t she?”

“Yes, though she isn’t who we were looking for,” Alisaie shouted back. The throng of people had already parted, the excited buzz fading with the people, and with the freed space at the plaza, one other figure stood other than the Scions, her face the picture of awe even with the broad smile she wore.

Alphinaud noticed her first. “There you are.” Fufu’s ears flicked, suddenly looking sheepish.

“Oh, I didn’t even realise the time,” she chuckled nervously, “Sorry, I only meant to check in on some spots here in case people needed my help while we were waiting, but I got a little distracted.”

“I can see why, it was very impressive,” Lyse smiled, patting the miqo’te on the shoulder. Fufu nodded, almost bouncing on the spot as she exclaimed, “She was! I haven’t seen that dance since before coming to Eorzea, but it was still as magical as I remember!”

“Hold on, you’ve seen it before?” Alisaie asked, to which the woman nodded again, her eyes glittering. Alphinaud spoke before her, having spied the baggage the troupe used, “It appears they’re from Thavnair. You’ve said you’re from there yourself, or at least raised there.”

“Yup! They’re Troupe Falsiam, and they generally only perform in Radz-at-Han. At least I haven’t heard of them doing many tours in my lifetime. My tribe lives pretty far from the city and most trade is done with travellers, but sometimes they’d plan special trips for certain goods or just to treat the younger kids, and I always loved watching the Troupe when I went.” Fufu let out a happy sigh, caught up in memories. The group jumped however when another voice chimed in.

“You seem very familiar with our troupe, my dear.” They turned to see a woman walking over to them. If the metal rings hanging at her own hips didn’t betray her as a dancer, the way she moved with elegant poise and grace would have instead. She gave the Scions a polite bow in greeting.

“Forgive the interruption. I’m merely surprised that we already had a familiar fan on these shores. Troupe Falsiam hasn’t visited Aldenard in a long time, as you so rightly said. Ah, but I forget myself; I am Nashmeira, leader and teacher of the troupe. The young dancer here with me is Ranaa, one of my brightest stars currently.” Ear flicking from having heard her name said, Ranaa turned away from the boxes she was helping to pack, still dressed in her dancing outfit, and gave the group a wave.

“She’s very good,” Fufu quickly complimented, eyes wide with glee at the turn of events. Ranaa smiled back, then wandered off down the path, taking a bundle of clothes with her.

“Hmm, good, but ever still learning,” Nashmeira nodded. Alphinaud stepped forward and gave a polite bow of his own, prompting an eye roll from his sister behind him. “Tis a pleasure to meet you. We are the Scions of the Seventh Dawn.” 

The woman tilted her head, recognition flashing in her eyes as she responded, “Aye, I’ve heard of your organisation. Though if you don’t mind my saying so, a job such as yours wouldn’t leave much free time. I’m curious then that our show caught your attention.”

“You’d be right. We’re unfortunately caught waiting for our vessel to be ready before we depart for the Far East,” Alisaie answered, then motioned to Fufu with a small smile, “Well, that and we were looking for this one here. She was taken in by your performance before the rest of us.” Nashmeira herself looked closer at the miqo’te, as though appraising her.

“Hmm,” she hummed, “Actually, you have quite the presence…” Then she nodded.

“Might I request a dance of you?” she asked. Surprise crossed all of the Scions, even more so the one addressed. “I’m well aware that you’ve clearly pledged yourself to another organisation, so despite any reverence you would have for our Troupe, your priorities lie elsewhere and I wouldn’t wish to ask you to join us and leave them behind. But I see in you the grace of a dancer and I would call myself a fool if I let you leave here without even trying to unlock that potential.” Nashmeira unhooked her chakrams from her hips and held them out to the miqo’te.

Fufu hesitated at first, a blush spreading across her cheeks, however Lyse spoke up, laughing, “Don’t go pretending you’re shy now, you’ve never let a chance to perform slip past before.” The twins seemed to show their approval as well, with Alisaie watching with an expectant smile and Alphinaud saying, “Tataru hasn’t come to tell us the ship is boarding yet. A quick presentation should be fine.”

Finally bolstered by her eagerly waiting companions, Fufu took the chakrams, testing the weight of them in her hands. They swung gently on her fingers, yet the rhythm made her arms bounce as well. Nashmeira motioned to her musicians, who scrambled to take their instruments out of the bags, and said, “Do not feel as though you have to copy Ranaa’s dance. It would take a lot more training and skill to be able to perform that to its full potential. For now, improvise as you see fit. I wish only to see how you move.”

The first strums of the guitar were matched with hesitant footsteps and stiff arms kept close. The joining of the drums saw her test a swing of the arm, though the weight of the chakram almost threw her halfway across the plaza, only righting herself with a clumsy shuffle. Yet as the music built up, the keeper found her rhythm, getting bolder with her kicks and jumps, and freely waving her arms around her, and where she had started with a mask of nervous concentration, she now laughed with joy. 

Joy that was mirrored in the cheers of her friends to the side, the encouragement from a returned and newly dressed Ranaa, and the curious mumblings of a returning crowd, albeit smaller than the one the original performance had garnered. Unaccustomed to dancing to music not of her own playing, Fufu was still in the middle of a spin when the final drum beats landed, ending the song.

“Whoops,” she giggled, stumbling over her own feet when she finally stopped. The gathered crowd clapped politely, evidently pleased at the amount of entertainment on show that day. They dispersed quicker than before, though that afforded the troupe teacher a chance to step forward with her observations.

“As I expected, on many fronts. You do have a dancer’s grace to you, though as evident by one that hasn’t been trained, there’s a heaviness to it all. Some clumsiness as well, though whether that was nerves or again, lack of training... But your energy was spectacular as well, even through the rough of it all. Not just anyone can draw in a crowd the way you did, even with an unrefined style like that. With some work you could be a fantastic performer.”

“I’d like to think you already had a headstart on performing,” Lyse added, the Scions rejoining the centre plaza as well, “all that work you’ve done with the old Bard in the Shroud, I’d say you already had plenty of stage presence without having ever stepped on a stage.”

“That was incredible!” Everyone turned, seeing Tataru at the entrance to the plaza.

“How long have you been there?” Alisaie asked as the smaller woman walked up to them.

“Since I think halfway through all of that. You were amazing!” she praised, making Fufu smile. Alphinaud however looked serious, asking, “I take it the ship is ready then?”

Tataru jumped. “Oh right! Yes that’s why I came here. We have to go now.” A solemn look came across the Scions as they nodded. Fufu herself pouted, ears flat against her head.

“Definitely now?”

“Unfortunately. As nice as this little detour has been, we are still on an important mission. My apologies, friend,” the boy said, placing a reassuring hand on her arm. Yet as she smiled back, albeit still looking crestfallen, Nashmeira spoke up herself.

“Actually, if you were so taken with dancing that you would wish to continue it all the same, I do believe I have a solution that could benefit us all here. Your companions included.” Curious looks were shared among all while one of the musicians, at Nashmeira’s whispered request, went searching in one of the bags.

“You see, the dance of Troupe Falsiam is not like most others in the world. It is suited not just for the stage, but also for the field of combat.” The woman’s smile grew as she saw the mixture of impressed yet curious looks on the younger folks’ faces. “Although I would prefer to teach you myself, in lieu of that, I would offer you this instead as a substitute.” At this, the returned musician held out his hand, a glittering pink stone laying in his palm and a spare pair of chakrams hanging from his fingers.

“A soul stone,” Lyse gasped.

“Aye, one with many past dancers’ experiences etched into it, going back generations. I would like for you to practise without it, but should you have need of the skills in a pinch, or even a desire to dance freely without inhibition, you will have it with you.” Fufu had already grabbed the crystal and the metal rings, smiling widely as she admired it.

“Thank you so much! I’ll practise as much as I can, with and without it!” she gushed, bowing deeply. For that, the woman smiled back warmly.

“I shan’t keep you any longer, since your business is clearly important. You make for the Far East you said?” They nod. “Then I wish you luck in whatever it is you are off to do. And to my new pupil I say that whenever you return, if we yet remain here in Eorzea, I would very much like to see how much you’ve grown while you were away.” Fufu nodded feverishly, mumbling more thanks as she bowed again.

Even as both groups finally went their separate ways and the Scions followed after a now hurried Tataru, the Bard and newly christened Dancer didn’t take her eyes off her new Soul Stone, not until they had boarded the ship and sailed far into the waters, where she had plenty of time to practise with her new skills.

[adhd-sorcha]

Im trying to get into the medical field and I have a super hard time with adhd. Any advice for getting through all that schooling?

I am soooo sorry I took so long to answer this (good thing you didn’t go on anon!). I have no excuse, I’m just like this.

Before I get into anything, I just want to say that I was only diagnosed a few months ago, so I didn’t go through school consciously coming up with ADHD-busting strategies and there were definitely mysterious difficulties that I’m only now understanding but at the time I never managed to sort (*shakes fist at essay based subjects/exams*). I will tell you what I think were my accidental ADHD-helping techniques though! One other thing, I have predominantly inattentive ADHD ( or formerly ADD) so if you or anyone else are looking for tips on how to stay seated for extended periods or anything like that, I’m afraid I’m no help there. Sorry!! Also, since I don’t know what stage you’re at school-wise, I’ll include things that I found useful in secondary school too, in case it’s useful.

So, in no particular order! (this may get long...)

- Diary, diary, diary: In the schools (primary and secondary) here in Ireland you get given a diary at the start of the year. At the end of every class, the teacher writes up the homework and we copy it into our diaries. Great system!! The diary is only for school so it never needs to leave your school bag, so it should be hard enough to forget. I used to only write short notes, eg. Maths: pg 20, part a-e or something like that. It makes it easy to look through at the end of the day when collecting your books to bring home. I used to look at one line, put those books in my bag, then look at the next line. One at a time. And I often double-checked. It made me slower to get ready to leave than everyone else, but hey! I remembered my stuff! I got myself a diary for college when I moved on. They are soooo helpful. And it’s so satisfying to tick things off as you do them!!

- Have ONE school bag: Might sound weird, but I know people who, in college, just bring whatever handbag matches their outfit that day. No! You’re going to forget to transfer something over. With one bag, you can keep your school diary and pens and student card and things like that in it. They will always be in there. No need to go moving them around, they’ll only get lost if you do that. It just helps to limit the things that you have to remember to bring with you, if your bag is already kind of packed as a default.

- Take advantage of desk/locker space: Keep spare items at your desk/in your locker so that even if you forget to put them in your bag, you’re still covered. Things that I’ve kept at desks/in lockers include: spare pair of glasses, hair ties for labs, spare writing paper (so it doesn’t matter if you forgot your copy!), pens/highlighters/pencils, socks (it rains a lot here, probably not the most relevant...). Absolutely anything that you think you may be likely to forget and is safe to leave at school just keep a spare one already there! (maybe don’t leave valuables...)

- Set your timetable as your lockscreen/homescreen: I’ve never done this one personally. I kept my timetable in my diary. I find it easier to read. But, I know a few people who used to make out their timetable in Word or something and set that as the lockscreen on their phone. People tend to keep their phones somewhere that’s easy to reach, so it shouldn’t conflict too much with executive dysfunction or anything like that.

- Routine: Having a set routine can really help with getting homework done. It becomes a habit and so a certain amount becomes automatic. I used to do mine as soon as I got home from school/college. And I had a set time for when to start my work at the weekends.

- Bring the lecture slides to lectures: I assume this will vary by college, but our lecturers used to post their lecture slides to the class site before the lecture so you could bring them to class. You could either bring the pdf on a tablet/laptop or print them off. (If you’re using a tablet/laptop you can always download the notes when you get there so it’s okay if you forgot to do it before class!). I found these helpful because I only had to make note of the extra information that the lecturer said out loud or I could just highlight important words, thereby limiting the amount I actually had to write. When I just had blank paper, I was always trying to write everything for some reason and just became lost...

- Make study notes that suit you! I remember being shown in school how to make notes when studying. But I found the standard neat lines, black/blue pen that teachers wanted didn’t work for me. They were boring to look at so they were boring to use. So I made them interesting! I used lots of colourful pens, sticky notes just to create little ‘boxes’, scribbled in the margins, drew labelled diagrams instead of putting some things into words. People would actually ask from time to time how I studied from them XD Study notes are one of those things that we’re taught how to do, but there really isn’t a one size fits all approach to it, so don’t be afraid to do different things with your notes. I used mind maps to study history in school! Here’s an example of my 3rd year pharmacology notes (believe it or not there isn’t any colour-coding XD I just went with what was fun!). 

- Have a study buddy: This seriously helped me when I moved from school to college. The two girls I became friends with in first year were so much better at organising study and assignment work between lectures than I was. They’d just automatically go to the library to get stuff done between lectures so I went with them and just worked on whatever they were working on. Having them around kept me on track. We did this informally (by which I mean I’ve only recently come to realise that copying their behaviour is why I got through my first two years so well, they have no idea that that’s what I was doing XD), but you could always formalise something like this with someone. There is no shame in needing someone to help you organise your study or needing someone around to work on assignments together.  You don’t have to do education on your own.

- Have multiple study places: I know study advice normally says have one dedicated location for study, but that gets so boring. I might be able to study at my desk in my room this month but then it gets boring and I can’t study. So, I have multiple dedicated locations for study. My desk at my room, the main college library, library on a different campus. People with ADHD like novelty, so sometimes I find having a change in study scenery can help focus on work!

- ASK FOR HELP: To be fair, this is one I still struggle with myself. But honestly, so many problems can be solved so easily if you just tell someone about them. Can’t remember when that exam is happening? Ask. Don’t know how to make that application/do that assignment? Ask. What did those instructions even mean? Ask. Forget where that office is? Ask. So many educators, particularly at third level, genuinely want their students to do well, but they can’t help if they don’t know you need it. I know for myself I don’t want people to know how disorganised or confused I get so I put off asking questions, but the sooner you ask, the sooner the problem gets fixed!

- If you need to do something differently, do it differently: Before I started my leave I was starting to realise that my having ADHD meant that I would have to do things differently to my neurotypical labmates. I was going to need to write more reminders of basic things for myself and stick them all over my bench. I was probably going to generate data more slowly than them because time management and organisation is difficult for me. I was going to need to have a detailed protocol next to me at all times instead of knowing the procedure off by heart like the rest of them. The neurotypical way is not the only way. Doing something differently does not make it wrong.

- Be kind to yourself: The education system is tough enough on it’s own, but those of us with ADHD have some extra obstacles in our way. There really is no point in comparing yourself to someone who doesn’t have ADHD (or similar problems) and berating yourself for not getting as much done as them or doing something slower etc etc. Don’t let ADHD limit you by any means, just remember that the route to success looks different for different people.

I think I’ll stop it here. This is getting quite long! Like I said, I’m newly diagnosed so there are things that I’m still struggling with myself (time-management is a big one!! I am 100% unqualified to give people advice on that one!!) and the things that I have done well have been more lucky accident than anything else. I hope these are somewhat helpful? Feel free to ask anymore questions though! And I wish you the best of luck with getting into medicine!!

[stevecoleridge-posts]

Day 6 ..Friday          Struggling .. which is why i did nt see the news or spend time on Social Media yesterday..          I thought it would be a breeze and after a little concentration id have it down .. but no , even the first part…known as lumpedy lump was proving tough , because of the triplet  walk up from the V to the 1.. and i think thats the part Jimmy Reed himself is playing…   If you ve read previous episodes you will know i refer to Honest I Do….the song.   Im learning it on a You Tube lesson , now a lot of people who think of themselves as pros , seem to think there s some sort  of stigma ro learning stuff on You Tube, but i know a French guy , of Spanish descent , who is a really hot Flamenco guitarist who has mastered nearly all the Palos , and all on You Tube  They are right, if you dedicate yourself to different songs at the same time, but it s like working form home…you need time and discipline ..and take the lessons very slowly and don’t move on till you can play it 20 times with your eyes shut..preferably standing up .. then move on up. Yesterday  was the first time i managed to do this.   There is a different tone on Social media today .. angrier , more prone to blame others, more censorious…and on one group forum i saw they were going to ban Humour..well , i don’t personally know the Group leader.. but it does nt take much imagination to know she s not someone you d want to be quarantined with.    The only thing to fear is fear itself.. well i certainly don’t think that applies in this situation, quite the reverse, the more frightened we are the less we will venture forth on errands that are not strictly necessary..i was on my way out the door , literally, when my mobile rang…it was the charming woman from the bank.. she d got my message .. id gone way over my limit.. which was why i could nt withdraw funds…She , and i won’t name her, is working from Home and sorted it all out on her laptop..no need for me to go to town..      Is nt that great?..well , I thought it was..and a good thing too,as she has not been provided with any masks..and we are talking about a Bank..if they cant get basic stuff like that no wonder the Government  are nt testing people .. they don’t have the wherewithal…it is nt as though this has nt been on the News everyday since December the something.    .I remember listening to Radio Four as i was driving through Slough, in December,… don’t ask … the M4 was closed..and i was listening to a woman in Wuhan describing how her parents were dying in the Street.. that really got my attention.   It did nt seem to get the attention of the people in charge here however, as when the inevitable arrived nearly three months later , they had done nothing to prepare for it.   The Spanish Disease is politics, it creeps into every corner of life and spreads its poison , a bit like you know what,..and in the past when people got fed up with their venal politicians there was a Military Coup , and then they realised maybe life was better before with democracy … and the cycle starts again. This model has been exported successfully to Latin America.. with the possible  exception of Mexico. and Costa Rica   Its all very well for us stodgy Northerners with our bad weather , to criticise, but Sun affects people,and when things are good they seem so much better  in the Sunshine..but something about Sunny weather produces Volatility, and an @ i won’t fix the roof as its not raining @ World View… and Italys  colossal death rate is the price to be paid .. not that it is nt sunny in China..or South Korea..but they do a lot more than just fix the roof..and to put  it down to Confucianism .. well  maybe best not to start on that.   Australia will be interesting, they have lots of sun , but its a pretty organised place ..and i don’t see them making this sort of Balls up.. also they have the experience of natural disasters,,and pulling together, and will not let Politics interfere…any country that had leaders with  names  like Abbott and Costello doesn’t waste too energy on petty politics.  The Current Classic example of petty minded, spiteful, pointless,  negative ,oppurtunism , is the  attempt on social media and what sup groups to denigrate the Royal Family organising people to rattle saucepans at a given time, because apparently the current King s father had a rather large amount of money in a Swiss Account..well, it was Saudi Money , not money stolen from the Spanish taxpayer, unlike the billions stolen by the previous administration , the PP .The idea for this stupidity was inspired by the Custom of applauding the Medical profession every night at eight o clock.. an excellent morale boosting , bringing everyone together kind of gesture..well everything has its opposite and this is an excellent way to breed more discontent and fracture an all ready pretty fractured society.. it beggars belief and you really have to have lived here to see these Barca Madrid  idiocies at first hand.   Barca Madrid is a term used to describe the divide and conquer ,us and them , attitudes that have stopped Spains progress since the collapse of their Empire, culminating in the most vicious Civil War in recent European History, and one would have hoped  that after 40 plus years of Democracy it would have disappeared , but sadly, like in the USA and a lot of other democracies , it seems to be on the increase.The anger on Social Media which results from the claustrophobic frustration of a lockdown will hopefully not boil over into something with unpleasant political consequences, which would be very sad , as after Francos death and the adoption of constitution that is the envy of many countries, Spain was a beacon of hope in the last quarter of the 20 th century… how the mighty are fallen .. one hopes not.. SPANISH LOCKDOWN DAY  7   Slept really well , but then  I remember reading that people on Death row sleep 16 hours a day so possibly not a good sign.   Last Night i watched the Spanish news ,on the main channel and things are looking up , relatively speaking, in the sense that testing has arrived ..someone, or some country, has sent several thousand, or may be half a million test kits.. which is obviously excellent news , and testing in  Galicia is going full steam ahead. There was the obligatory item about a vaccine..which I think one can take with a pinch of salt. .Military erecting field hospitals next to various main hospitals…the eight o clock applause of medical staff…all in all well put together not too desperately pessimistic, and generally not as disheartening as Facebook.. afterwards i felt like some light relief so we watched eleven episodes of 2 and half men,  in Spanish ,to cheer ourselves up before going to bed.   ..   Today i decided to live a normal day .. if such a thing were possible , so , after taking Tina for a walk i got the Old TV and DVD working and put on Marty Schwarz s Intermediate Blues Guitar Course part one…and it started raining .. so that was encouraging as it took away any temptation to venture outside.. except for firewood that is.   I worked through the course without rushing , but also without too much pausing , as i d done those lessons before, and all that repetition of Honest I do  is paying off..   On going outside for firewood i could not ignore the noise of the generator that kicked in yesterday evening, as we ve had not Sun for several days, so i decided to fill it up with diesel, and see how much 15 hours constant running had used,only half the 20 litre can to fill  up the tank…but was it full to begin with?..anyway it s very rare to have 4 days without sun , so even if it did use  13 euros of diesel  Im not going to freak out as that was expensive diesel.. and I’m entitled to use the cheaper stuff .Of cause i spilled Diesel over my hands , and shoes , and when i spent a good 5 minutes trying to wash the smell out i realised this was the ultimate anti virus test.. so i will leave a bowl of Diesel outside every time i go to town and use that as first part of the disinfection process , yet another excuse not to go to town.    My neighbour M.  rang and suggested i look at his scheme on Facebook to institute Food Deliveries , so one does nt have to go to the Supermarket in person  and infect and be infected… a good idea of course , but like so many , i don’t see it happening…I pointed out several objections , lack of drivers, expense, one would need a sort of Uber program which will probably not be ready for a year .. etc..and the Supermarkets are making so much money i doubt they need this sort of input.I promised to look at it later , which I will , as Lunch was ready.   We ve run out of  Bread ,Oranges and Chocolate, Aurora has broken a nail and the nail bars are closed till further notice…but otherwise  we can probably get through till Monday without suffering too much ..on the other hand Monday is probably the worst day to go shopping..Im toying with the idea of going to the small Supermarket, at 8 am Sunday morning, and hopefully having it to myself , as i cant face the idea of a queue. I know English people are supposed to love queueing but i must be an exception, and queuing nowadays is a High Risk Activity.    The Sun is out and i did one of the jobs from a month old to do list… pumping the water out the flooded pump room , it all went very well , and i felt  very worthy , and now , with the Sunshine it s time for a walk , with Tina , of course.   I return , feeling optimistic .. and the phone rings, i assume it s my neighbour asking if I’ve read his article.it isn’t , it s C another near neighbour, with some very bad news .  The police are in Quarantine…and the Army will soon be here. No Tobacco..as they will close the Tobacconist.  A completely different ball game  I rang M, and gave him the news…I f he d had  a kalashnikov  he d have been checking the magazine  I rang another neighbour  F, whose office is next to the Police Station , to warn him. .When the Rumour , comes to your Town , It Grows and Grows, Where it Started No-one Knows…*Robbie Robertson   I rang my source in the Town Hall G…no , it s only one cop , and he has nt got the results yet..   I rang M  again…he had spoken to his friend who is a Guardia Civil .no , it was nt a Cop it was a Guardia Civil..he also told me the Cuban woman who cleans houses had been stopped, by the Police and they checked the receipt for her shopping    I rang the first neighbour and corrected the original story        I opened Facebook .. and there was the original story , which had started a firestorm of comments along the likes of whats your source? etc as though we were in the Watergate hearings, not only that,  the people reading the story imagined it referred to Mojacar , not Carboneras , and were all frantically ringing the Police Staion , The Town Hall and each other to see if it were true.    The tones of the respective comments went from shrill outrage that anyone should suggest such a story without due documentation , to fear , to I knew this would happen, all these irresponsible idiots .. blah blah   It began to increasingly resemble an episode of Dads Army with a false alarm about a German Landing.., which Facebook does anyway    There is the Captain Mainwaring..@While i was out today making sure everyone was behaving themselves i saw these irresponsible panic shoppers,  and these people walking around without a good reason @     The Fraser .. We Re Doomed     The Air raid Warden…Its all the fault of the Ruling Class, and rules are rules etc     Jones ..Dont Panic... in a tone of complete hysteria    Pikes mother…Be sure to wear your gloves , motorcycle helmet , hazchem suit, mask..galoshes, .Do you have your hand sanitiser , all clothes must be burnt on reentry etc     By this time Auroras original alarm had been replaced by hilarity, as she was sitting by the fire hearing one side of these conversations..     I went out for some more wood and we relaxed by watching a Documentary about the Boeing 737 MAX..complete with simulation in the Pilots cockpit    The best part was the CEO of Boeing trying to justify his 30 million Dollar salary at a Congressional hearing..…i wondered what the Shareholders thought about that , i know what the victims families thought , as they were being interviewed and did nt sound too impressed

[flowers-by-the-bed]

Just ignore this it’s just for me to try and organise myself because idk what to do right now aside from cut myself up and hit my head and I’m trying my fucking best to not do that. But as always I need the knowledge that my thoughts are “out there” rather than just writing somewhere private in order to feel like it’s helped me. Not that I have much hope for that anyway. I was doing so so well, moving on, making progress, taking control of things, finding good influences to be around and getting my work done and it all gets shattered over nothing or when my meds don’t work as well as they should. Everything in my life and everything about me is so fragile and built on such fragile foundations and however stable or genuine the changes I make seem, they are nothing. Even if my mood flips again tomorrow and things magically get better, it doesn’t make my emotions any less strong right now, and it would definitely flip back to this as soon as the next stressor happens. I hate it.

I wrote out a huge post about all my feelings earlier and it made me feel better but I went to post it and the fucking connection got fucked and it deleted itself and that alone has sent me spiralling and im so upset and angry and that just says everything, i almost threw my laptop at the wall but threw my phone instead. I’ve been trying to remember what I said because it made me feel better but I just keep crying and hitting things and myself and I cannot shake it, and that’s my reality rn

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I’m so exhausted being me and being this mess and I don’t want to even try anymore. Whatever I do and however much I think I make progress, I always end up back in this situation with no triggers or warning. No progress or motivation is worth it because I will never be fixed or stable and there isn’t a guide to navigate this. Why should I try and move forward when within three days this can happen and I’m back at square one. Either my meds were faulty or this is just me but who the fuck cares which it is because either way I’m just a fucking incapable piece of shit. There is no reason I should flip this quickly and feel so strongly over literally nothing but tiny normal inconveniences and the level that I hate myself because of everything and just in general is too much. I hated myself anyway but EUPD moods make it so much worse and so much more intense and I literally cannot do anything close to normal functioning when this happens. My dad came round to check how I was and I cried for a while but then I was ready to try and go out the house with him, but I saw myself in the mirror and had a complete breakdown and cried in bed for hours and didn’t speak. I’m fucking pathetic but I can feel all of the fucking fat on my body everywhere and it feels like a disease, I disgust myself. I couldn’t move or even think about going outside because I couldn’t and still cant stand the thought of anyone seeing my body. It’s vile and I hate it and even when I have a few good weeks and start eating normal amounts again, seeing my body sends me back into a spiral and I regret ever eating at all. I’m crying now because it just feels like you can see the fat expand by the minute and it makes my anxiety and anger and sadness go haywire. I don’t want to try anymore I’m exhausted trying to pretend that one day I’ll get fixed and I’ll be stable enough for myself that I can lead a normal life but it just isn’t possible. I want to drop dead because this is not living. I am exhausted of my thoughts making me think of the most triggering things when I know full well I am already bad enough that I want to die and hurt myself, and just sinking lower into that spiral until I scare myself about what I’m going to do. Every single month there is something that brings me back to this place where I remember that no matter what progress I’ve made, it’s all fake and down to some fucking pills. And as soon as those get taken away, I’m back to being some pathetic waste of space and effort who’s almost 25 and unable to even control their fucking emotions even at the bare minimum level so I can function. I felt so guilty with my dad here and me just being a wreck and unable to talk or go outside. It’s pathetic. I don’t know why I deserve a head that hates me this much and can’t do it’s only fucking job. I’m tired of faking it and tired of hating myself and tired of knowing that for as long as my life lasts, this is all it’s going to be. And it isn’t a life. It isn’t fair and I don’t know why I had to end up like this. EUPD is ugly and it is vile and eventually, whenever it happens, this will be what kills me. The only things that distracted me even a little was my dad coming over and keeping me busy before I fell back into that hole and Matt messaging me, because it grounded me a little for an hour or so because it was nice to interact when it’s been months, but it didn’t work for long. Those aside, I just want to be someone else. It’s too much, I don’t know how to get my thoughts out, I can’t get the anger out even when I hurt myself or break things, it’s like drowning in self-hate to the degree that you cannot see anything else. I just want to sleep and wake up and have this whole stupid fucking disorder and brain gone or a bad dream.  It’s not hard to see why I don’t achieve anything, I will never get to my full potential because of my brain and the boat has pretty much already sailed on me achieving the things I wanted to with my work anyway. Because of how incapacitated I have always been during education because of this. It’s not hard to see why people leave, why I am too much to handle. I flip so quickly and the anger expects others to understand what’s going on when in reality I don’t have any idea either. I need validation and then I don’t want a thing from them. It’s too much. I don’t blame anyone. I blame myself. Every aspect of my life gets fucked up by my inability to control myself or my thoughts or feelings and this is just a huge fucking pity party for me to try and organise my thoughts, just so that for the rest of today, I might be able to move my head away from them now. I’m exhausted. I’m angry. I’m upset. I’m detached from 90% of the people in my life and I don’t care. I just want to hide until I drop or until just one area of my life makes sense. If I could hate myself less and not want to puke and cry and cut every time I saw my body, I’d be able to come with the sad and the angry. If I didn’t react so strongly to the smallest triggers, or felt stable, or stable in my relationships, or able to trust ANYONE, I’d be able to deal with hating myself a little better. If I didn’t read meaning into everything people say and misinterpret things, or have such a strong emotional reaction to people speaking to me or whatever then I’d have more stable relationships and I could cope better with the rest. If I didn’t have such bad anxiety affecting most of my life, the EUPD in general would be easier to control. If I didn’t feel this inability or desire to share with the people in my life who actually do care, I’d find things easier to deal with and would have an actual support system. But by my own design and suspicion and refusal to overshare and burden people directly, I’m a fucking mess. Everything hitting me at the same time, at 400% power, it incapacitates me. I wish I didn’t have a personality disorder so I knew exactly what I’m actually like, and not constantly wondering what is me and what is an illness. I wish I wasn’t anxious so I trusted people’s intentions and could be myself instead of reining myself in and being terrified of being bad at things or embarrassing myself, and never making progress with anything or anyone because of it. I wish I had a healthy relationship with food. I wish I didn’t self harm. I wish I wasn’t depressed. I just want to be someone else and be a real adult. Life is hard enough without an arsenal of chemical imbalances and broken mental Schemas. I was doing SO well and it equates to nothing. I don’t want to be a 24 year old pathetic mess of a person. It’s too much. Although I do it to myself because I’m not someone who enjoys talking directly to people about my problems and I’d never want to burden them, it’s alienating and hard to try and function without explaining what is wrong.