#im so angry and upset and feel so hopeless

[juni-ravenhall]

ppl drawing comics being like ohh my story is so serious and psychological and about humanity and being alive and my characters are unique with their own unique problems (doesnt draw any fat people. draws 1 fat person and they are a cringe creep. draws 1 fat person and theyre a joke. only draws a few old people fat who arent important to the story nor meant to be cool or attractive. all the unique psychological philosophical characters are skinny and pale skinned. the most important ones are blond and blue eyed)

[piplupod]

sometimes i leave the family dinner feeling like absolute shit and like I Need To Kill Myself Immediately, and other times (tonight) i leave feeling determined to become the world's most raucous faggot

[raeofgayshine]

*stares into void* How am I supposed to sleep knowing that doctors don’t take me seriously? That the pain I’m in, all over my body by the way, that was bad enough earlier I couldn’t turn my head very far because I was in pain and it felt stiff (and now I just have the pain left so I can at least turn it but will continue not to do so much). Pain that makes it hard for me to stand for very long because it kills my back and also my hip, who has a fuck ton of issues on my own, of course all the way to my feet, and there’s a reason I have frequent nightmares of my legs just giving out and no longer working, because the longer I stand the more that feels like it’ll be the case, and also that seems to be a lower bar lately which fucking great you know. The pain also, that goes from my neck like I said but into my shoulders and down my arms, sometimes. Sometimes also just my fucking wrists hurt, my hands will get so stiff I feel like I can’t do anything, can’t even close them around something to pick it up, and isn’t that my shittiest situation because I like to be doing stuff.

But instead of taking me seriously doctors have insisted it’s all my anxiety (except my wrists, which is clearly carpal tunnel despite multiple tests proving I have no fucking signs of that). Which is basically the modern day version of getting diagnosed with hysteria.

And so how can I sleep both knowing I will only continue to get worse and deal with more symptoms (pain and otherwise) until I reach a point I can’t actually fucking function anymore because no one will take me seriously, and also how can I sleep when I’m in fucking pain no matter how I lay and there is no medicine I have that will fucking help it?

[lo-aksgf]

hiya!! my name is maggie :D how r u doing today? if it's not too difficult, may I please have some headcanons for ao'nung, tsireya & neteyam? to set the scene, they get into an argument ( D: !!! ) and he/she says something that actually gets their lover, the genderneutral reader, to tear up-- how would they react? would they jump to comfort them? or would they take the argument further? ( pstpstpst your writing is so nice :D I like your formatting!! )

WHEN YOU CRY DURING AN ARGUMENT

maggie babe i’m so sorry i’m just getting around to this ! i hope you like it though 🫶🏼

includes ; neteyam, tsireya and ao’nung

warnings ; crying, ao’nung being a bitch of a bitch icl, not proofread

part two to this <3

NETEYAM

“just because lo’ak wants to risk his life doesn’t mean you should to!” neteyam raised his voice, angry at the fact you could’ve died because of his brothers actions.

“no- ‘teyam, im sorry!” you apologised, the boy standing over you wasn’t happy with what you’ve done and you knew that but you just wanted him to accept your apology.

“well if you weren’t so stupid you wouldn’t have done it!” neteyam instantly regretted his choice of words, as you teared up at the comment he made about you. you knew he said it in the heat of the moment but you couldn’t help but be upset, you were even embarrassed to cry over your boyfriend calling you stupid.

he pulled your head into his chest, his other hand resting on your shoulder “y’know i didn’t mean it, i’m sorry” your tears falling off of your cheeks and onto his chest, neteyam scrunched his face in sadness. pulling your face away from him, “i’m sorry”

he wiped the tears from your face, your bottom lip was even quivering a little bit. his hands were placed on each side of your face “i didn’t mean it, i’m really sorry. promise” you nodded your head and looked away, neteyam placing a quick but passionate kiss on your lips “let me make it up to you tomorrow, yeah?”

TSIREYA

“you just spend too much time with him! i’m not saying your cheating on me- i just want you to be honest.. do you like him? are you going to leave me for him?” you argued, your jealousy was getting the best of you right now. also your insecurities.

“maybe i will!” she said angrily, her eyes immediately widening “i didn’t mean that” she said quietly, your eyes brimmed with tears threatening to spill out “i did not mean that!” she said as tears also rose to her eyes.

“if you didn’t mean it then why would you say it?” you started to cry, wiping the tears from your eyes.

“because im- i was angry! being accused of liking someone who i don’t is tiring. you know i love you and you only!” tsireya started to cry, “im sorry for assuming that” you said.

she pulled you into a hug, both of you still crying. “im sorry for saying that i would leave you, that is a lie. i love you” she said into your shoulder “i love you too”

AO’NUNG

“why would you defend her! we are together, you aren’t with her. you embarrassed me!” ao’nung yelled

“because, you shouldn’t be rude to her just because of her differences! we are all different in our own ways” you yelled back

“your different because you are an idiot! embarrassing yourself to our people. defending what is not part of us!” he said angrily, rolling his eyes.

“what?” you quieted down, heat rising to your cheeks of embarrassment of what your boyfriend had just said. tears started to flow from your eyes straight away, you couldn’t even breathe properly.

“why are you crying?” he said in a snobby tone, “maybe think about what you just said” you hid your face in your hands, hands wet from your tears. ao’nung started to feel bad, he didn’t want to show it because he was embarrassed of your actions.

“what is wrong with you?” he spat, “what’s wrong with me? what’s wrong with you! you just said really mean things to me and expect me not to get upset! ao’nung, i’m supposed to be the person you love, not the person you push away because i defended a hopeless girl” you let out, tears still running down your face. ao’nung felt a lot of guilt now, “i’m-” he tried to speak but you cut him off

“i don’t want to be around you right now” you say turning around and walking away from him.

[mikareo]

“ ࣭⸰ ★ WHEN SPRING COMES . . . ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀呪術廻戦 ; megumi fushiguro x fem reader

⊹ ⠀⠀ your love for megumi can be compared to a snowflake; delicate and beautiful, stunning and unique. however, spring is coming— and eventually, all snowflakes have to melt. (1.2k)

contains; hanahaki au, rejection, angst, implied death author's note; this is 2 years old pls forgive me,, n hanahaki used to be my favorite trope IM SORRY I POST IT SM ajskl

it’s been over a decade, fifteen years really, of the never-ending winter that you’ve grown so accustomed to. the settled snow has been your comfort zone, a weighted blanket tying you down to his presence since primary school, freezing the ribbon that tied your heart to his for eternity— though only now, you realize that ribbon is a chain, shackling you to a hopeless series of unrequited feelings that could never be returned. you’ve imprisoned yourself to an idea of love that never was. love that you viewed as your personal one-of-a kind snowflake between the two of you; something special and passionate with no barriers or boundaries, which softly flurried around you for your entire lives...

...but snowflakes melt when they touch the ground.

the soft powder is nothing but water now; dirtied water on the blood-ridden pavement, speckled with pink petals of a flower that you used to love. the snowflake is dying. it’s dead. and spring has come.

“tilt your head up,” megumi murmurs with the softest, most lovely voice you’ve ever heard. “you’ve still got some on your chin.”

he’s being generous with his words. you know your skin is stained red, dripping with blood and broken leaves that refuse to be wiped away. luckily for you, he tells you that red is his favorite color— that the scarlet shade compliments your complexion and makes you look beautiful— but you know he’s lying.

the deep clots and black chunks would send anyone into a nauseous fit, he’s too kind to you.

you wish he would be horrible. that he’d hurdle insulting comments, awful remarks, and unforgivable curses— but he’d never.

— and you love him for that.

it’s too bad that he doesn’t feel the same.

he never has. 

he never will.

“does that feel alright?” his washcloth is cold and damp. it’s a muddied mahogany after previously being a gorgeous forrest green. “it’s still warm, right?”

you nod, believing that one more lie won’t hurt your already dreadful situation. “i think you’ve got it all,” the reflection before you is one you recognize, a person of the past that you can’t seem to let go of no matter how many hours you spend wishing them away. “thank you, really.”

despite the normal appearance you now display, with rose-tinted cheeks and swollen eyes, there’s a garden growing in the sink. vines slithering their way down the drain as the water stream attempts to rid them from view. torn tulip petals are strewn across the bathroom floor, and in another life perhaps it would have been romantic to see a flower petal pathway leading towards the bedroom— that’s not your life though. you’ve been left with emptiness and a void of feelings with no return. 

“i’m always here to hold your hair back, i hope you know that.” he smiles with kindness, a genuine goodness that can only be portrayed by him. he’s the best person you know. there’s no mystery as to why you fell for him all those years ago, and why that love has followed you through adulthood. “it’s almost pretty…y’know, in a morbid way.”

hm, funny. morbidly beautiful.

“yeah,” you reply in a snap. “maybe they can be my funeral flowers.”

you've made him angry.

“don’t even joke about that, what the hell?” megumi always gets upset when you say those type of things. his vision turns red and he’s blinded by his own sadness that he forgets that he’s the cause— he’s the calamity that uprooted your formally blissful life. he’s the one who fell in love with someone new. 

winter could’ve lasted forever had he not gone to class that day.

it could raged onwards had he not met her.

you could’ve been hand-in-hand dancing beneath the moonlight on a snowy eve if she hadn’t asked for directions to the library. his kisses could’ve been peppering your face rather than hers if only you’d been more fun, more outgoing, more persuasive, more everything, then maybe he would’ve stayed. 

but megumi didn’t stay...

...he left.

he left as the leaves grew on the barren trees and pollen drifted through the breeze. he said his brief goodbyes to your heart while his chased her’s in yearning. he didn’t so much as glance your way as the hanahaki roots planted themselves in your heart— only choosing to show concern after they’d already grown terminal. he disappeared from your point of view before you could even acknowledge his absence— which was and continues to be unfair.

megumi was yours and now he isn’t. it’s as simple as that. as awful and simple as that. 

“we both know i’m dying.” you murmur, hands folded together as if they're the only things you have left to hang onto. you wish one of those hands could find their place in his warm palm, but the black marker ink etched onto his skin in the shapes of mini hearts and smiley faces are more than enough to drive you away. “there’s no point in denying it anymore. i can barely breathe.”

he shakes his head, backing away from you despite your obvious need for physical comfort.

you thought he knew you better than that. you thought he’d know exactly how to ease your pain, but he doesn’t. he’s very clearly not your soulmate, but for some reason your heart tells you otherwise.

“you’d be able to if you’d just get the surgery,” he says. “please.”

he's begging for something he could solve.

megumi's eyes look dark under the overhead light. “please don’t make me have to see you in a casket.”

the surgery in which the roots are removed from your heart is a tricky one. a procedure that many endure and survive, where they get to continue living their lives healthy and happy— though, are they truly living if they’re void of the love that once consumed them?

“i wouldn’t be able to live with myself, you know that.” your voice is firm, after having had this conversation many times before, “i’d know a part of me was missing. you’re too important for me to just…erase.”

if you’re being completely honest with yourself, you’d rather remain in your eternal winter for the rest of your soul’s existence. yes, it’s cold and dreary, with little to no sunlight and hope of a new love or progression in your relationship with him— but it’s familiar. you find it comfortable and there’s no fear in the feelings that you’re already so accustomed to living with everyday. the thought of spring is terrifying. the season following your beloved winter that represents rebirth and new blossoming love is one that you’ll never come to know— which is completely by choice. there’s no point in limping yourself towards spring when there’s no one you’d rather love than megumi. 

these hanahaki tulips won’t see the sunshine they yearn for when the grass regains its color. they’ll simply wither away with you and the lock that refuses to fall, holding your feelings for him in an eternal slumber that will never be woken. 

“i love you.” you say, whilst knowing that that’s the last thing he wants to hear. “i love you so much.”

your confessions of love are a reminder of your little time left, and he hates it.

he wishes it would all stop; but it can’t and it won’t.

perhaps he should’ve given you a chance when the opportunity arose. then you may have been happy. however, he knows that there’s no forcing love.

you’ve been doomed since the moment you’d laid eyes on him. 

love isn't your happiness.

“i’ve only ever loved you.”

it's your demise.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⊹₊｡ reblogs are greatly appreciated! ˚₊⊹

[neyswxrld]

familiar faces

Reece x gn!reader

summary: After some months of uncertainty, you finally reunite with your loved one.

words: ~1780

warnings: reader is in a depressive state of mind, feelings of loneliness and hopelessness, injuries, kissing

a/n: hello! this is a somewhat special fic and a little thanks for @trixie2023! i really appreciate your lovely and kind reblogs, and now i finally had an idea how to bring reece into a fic with some @summer-of-bad-batch prompts: "it's just a scratch" & injured.

i hope you enjoy!

MASTERLIST

Just a few months ago, everything was fine. You were saying goodbye to the love of your life, Reece, wishing him good luck for the mission you agreed to stay behind and sit out from. 

The two of you were helping Rex and his men out, supporting his clone rebellion as a thanks to how he helped Reece to escape the hands of the Empire.

The mission was supposed to be a rather easy one. A fellow clone called for help, and Reece and some of his other brothers had the task to pick him up.

You didn't exactly know what or how it happened, you just knew that Reece didn't come back.

None of them did.

The loss of him, the uncertainty if he was dead or in the Empire's hands again, maybe even on this mysterious Mount Tantiss place Rex and his brothers were looking for since so long, made you sick.

You felt awful, like your heart was ripped out. Empty. Sad. Upset. Angry.

You felt like someone pushed you into a deep, dark hole, and you weren't able to climb up again.

The light had left your life.

To say you were useless and not a big help for Rex was an understatement.

Deep inside, you knew that he just meant well when he sent you with Echo to that weird island his brothers lived on after the Teth incident. But you couldn't feel any different than like he was pushing you away.

You felt like he didn't want your help, like you were too much, and you were in his way.

It took you some time to grow somewhat accustomed to the tropical weather and the many polite people on the island.

And even though you still were empty inside, you slowly started to feel better.

You were friendly with most of the people, tried to help them.

You lived in your own small house almost on the top of the island.

Life started to become a little easier again.

At least until the Empire reached the island, looking for the girl who was with the Bad Batch, taking her with them.

It felt like your world was tumbling down again.

You pulled back after that. All those feelings you swallowed down came back rushing in.

You missed him.

You missed Reece so much.

His kind eyes, his warm laugh. The way he held you, made you smile. His stupid jokes that always made you laugh, the way time felt like nothing and all when he was with you.

You missed him so, so much.

The Batch went after the girl almost immediately. And even though you didn't have to do too much with them, you felt alone again.

Suddenly, there weren't any clones here anymore. No familiar faces. No one that could remind you of the love of your life and that made everything even worse.

From that point on, you were spiraling downwards.

You felt like no one could help you, except Reece. And at the same time, he just wasn't there.

Until that one day, when a small shuttle landed on top of the island.

You were trying to do your weekly shopping tour for food and things you'll need to survive, when the shuttle touched the ground.

A lot of people were wary at first. No one has been notified of visitors.

But then the door opened, and three (or four, if you counted the baby too) small figures stepped out of it, followed by a tall woman that looked just as unsure as the villagers.

Her name was Emerie, and she was one of the head scientists in Mount Tantiss. The Batch just started an attack, trying to free Omega. Freeing other clone prisoners while they were on it.

For the first time in a while, you felt a spark of hope in your chest. Normally, you would put it out and ignore it immediately, But this one time, you couldn't. Fully aware, that if Reece won't step out of the shuttle with the rescued prisoners, it would shatter you.

It took almost a whole other day, until you could hear a new shuttle approaching.

After the news, Emerie and the kids had, you put your bought stuff in your home, jittery and sloppy, not even putting everything away how it should be.

Since then, you lingered on top of the island, wringing your hands and waiting for the shuttle. The one shuttle that could bring him back to you.

Your nerves are on edge when you catch sight of the shuttle.

It touches down almost too slow.

The doors open.

You take a look at every single person stepping out of the shuttle.

You recognize the Batch, relieved at the way Omega stays close to them.

Echo is climbing down, nodding at you once. He looks relieved, but at the same time he is tense.

All around you are familiar faces, but at the same time you seem to recognize no one.

Your heart begins to crack.

When the last person steps out, you swallow dryly, almost embarrassed about how you could allow yourself to hope so much for such a little chance.

Shaking your head, you turn away, ready to drown yourself in your tears, when you hear a broken, painful gasp behind you.

Someone is calling your name.

No, not just someone. 

You turn back in an instant.

There are two other clones left, now stumbling out of the shuttle slowly.

One leans heavily onto the other, holding on for dear life.

His face is pale, his hair grown out and messy. He clutches his side with one of his hands, a bloody, ripped shirt below.

"Reece?" you ask quietly, unbelieving.

"Yes," he says. His smile turns a bit painful as he starts to wobble towards you.

"H-How-... What?" you ask, still not understanding, that he indeed stands in front of you.

"The Empire got us after we picked him up," Reece explains and nods to the brother who keeps him standing. "Shipped us to Tantiss. But... But now we got out. What are you doing here?" he asks back, finally reaching you and putting his free arm around you. 

"That's a long story," you whisper. His touch is soothing, familiar. And Suddenly you realize that he is really standing here, in front of you.

"Maker... Maker, I missed you. So, so much. I'm glad you're safe," he breathes as he puts some of his weight on you.

"Reece," you whisper again when he leans into your side, groaning with pain. "You're hurt. You shouldn't-"

"It's just a scratch. Everything is fine," he tries to soothe you, but with the way he's talking you just hear in how much pain he is.

"Stop lying, I see that that's not the truth. You need medical attention," you say, unconvinced and lay your arm around his back too, trying to support some of his weight.

"No, Echo already cleaned my wounds. All I need now is peace and quiet. And rest. And you," he tells you, a small smile on his lips as he looks at you.

Unconvinced, you shake your head, swallowing a few times.

He's really standing in front of you.

"Do you want to come home?" you ask him, and his smile grows.

"Yes, please," he nods. Together, you say goodbye to his friend, Nova, and start to walk down the street.

When you arrive, you try to help him as much as you can.

You give him food, something to drink. You help him clean up, wash his hair and look at his wound again.

His whole body is covered in bruises. Here and there are some small bacta patches, and he looks too thin. It makes him look even smaller than he already is, sitting on the edge of your bathtub like that.

You feel nauseous, but Reece just shakes his head. "It's not as bad as it looks. I'll live, I promise," he tries to soothe you.

"You promise?" you ask again.

"I promise."

You look into each other's eyes. Deeply. Loving. Longing.

"I never said it back earlier, but I really missed you, too. I felt so lost and incomplete. I'm so glad you're with me again. A-And I hope you can stay here for a while. I don't-" you begin, but Reece stops you.

"I'm not leaving you again," he breathes, promises you. "Never."

You look down at him, into his warm, brown eyes, and put your hands on his cheeks, stroking them with your thumbs.

"I'm not leaving you either," you assure him. He puts his hands on your hips, pulling you slightly closer, between his legs.

It's like the world slows down, and then there are just the two of you.

You bend down to him, he tilts his chin up, and then - oh so slowly and carefully - your lips touch.

And suddenly you know, how lonely you really felt in all those months.

Suddenly, you're complete again. Whole.

His beard tickles your face, his breath makes you feel alive again, and his lips on yours feel like heaven.

You missed him so much.

Only when he puts his hands on your face too, and wipe away some tears, you realize you started crying.

They're not tears of sadness or loneliness- They're tears of relieve and happiness. Of thankfulness. You're thankful he's here, and he's alive.

You know that the next days, weeks, or even months won't be easy. He sure as hell will have some fears and traumas to work through, but you know the two of you could put up with it. Could pull through. You would help him heal, and you are ready to give him everything he needs.

You're going to be fine, as long as you stay together.

Later that night, you lay in your bed together.

Carefully to avoid his wounds, you try to cuddle up to him. Like so often, he puts his arm around you and pushes you into his side.

For the first time in so long, you smell him again. Feel him again. He's laying here in bed with you again.

He's here again.

You still can't really believe it, almost too scared to close your eyes and fall asleep, only to open them again and realize it was just a dream.

His whispers soothe you, and you try to do the same with your gentle touches.

He's home again.

He's home, and he'll never leave you again.

Not able to fight sleep any longer, you close your eyes.

When you open them again, he's still there.

TAGLIST

@isthereanechoinhere96 @trixie2023 @freesia-writes

[firstdivisiongirl]

hi there <3 I’m hoping that you would be able to do a tokyo revengers matchup for me if its still open :)

my name is Samantha <3

my pronouns are she/her!

my personally type is ENFP!

my zodiac sign in virgo!

if i had to say what alignment i am, it would be chaotic neutral LMAO

im 5’7, slightly on the curvy side. i have long-ish, black curly hair and brown eyes. i wear round, black glasses. i have a couple of pierces and tattoos!

if you go on Pinterest and look up “Tumblr aesthetic 2014 grunge” and that is my dream aesthetic if i wasn’t so lazy - i only wear leggings and hoodies…

my favorite anime right now is Tokyo Revengers <3 also slightly obsessed with hazbin hotel and helluva boss

the games that my friends and i have played / play are - Twisted Wonderland and Obey Me

i have one cat and one dog <3

my favorite food is sushi! i also LOVE DR. PEPPER <3333 its like BAD

i feel like i dont have that many hobbies because i work ALOT. my friends say that i am a workaholic :( when Im at work, i basically run around like the world is going to end if that task isn’t done in the next two seconds. i have the mind set of “if you want things done right, you have to do it yourself” - which stresses me out and idk why I am like that HAHA

but when im not working, i love to write for my friends - mostly it will be about whatever fandom that we are into at the moment. (tbh i never end up finishing the stories because i get lazy haha).

my dream goal in life is to write angsty romance novel - like enemies to lovers (which is my FAVORITE TROUPE) and become an author.

as well, I am IN LOVE WITH MUSIC! every year that my Spotify wrap comes out my friends are SHOOK about how many different genres, artist and amount of time i listen to music for. for example, this year i listened to 75 different genres, 2,864 songs and 1,595 different artist!!

my top artist were : Pierce The Viel, Taylor Swift, Chase Atlantic, Rosenfeld, and Fall Out Boy :)

my top songs were : emergency contact, habits, this is why im hot, cardigan, and ceilings <3

my top genres were : pop, pop : indie, pop punk, rap, and alt z (whatever that is LMFAO)

this year i listened to : 32,897 minutes

my favorite thing to do is make playlist based on shows and characters to show my friends about how I feel <3

ive been told that i look very intimidating and mean, but once you get to know me im an uwu baby. that im very down to earth and emotional. but i make friends very easily - considering people have told me even though i look mean but i have an inviting aura which draws them in.

i’m pretty extroverted lol i make friends wherever i go and always see people i know whenever im out

i have a hard time expressing myself verbally. that whenever i try to tell someone how i feel about something, i start to get tongue-tie and stressed and upset. probably cause i feel too much at the same time :( so what i end up doing is just writing out how i feel and showing them (which is kind of rare lol)

but when Im talking about something that i love - Iiget loud LMFAO I start to talk with my hands more than i already do, i start talking very fast. then when i noticed that im doing that, i stop and apologize for being annoying HAHAH

my friends call me a tsundere (only applies with anime characters - not IRL people) because there will be a character that i cannot stand at first and then i will start to slowly like them and be VERY MEAN AND ANGRY ABOUT IT. eventually that character will turn into one of my favorite characters and i love them with all my heart - but will still be mad about it.

but tbh i’m such a hopeless romantic! if we’re dating i love you with all my heart.

my love language are : quality time, physical touch and words of affirmation. i will want to spend all my time with you. i am a very touchy person. words of affirmation is very important to me because i am very self conscious about basically everything about me *sigh* BUT IM TRYING TO WORK ON IT <3

SORRY I FEEL LIKE I WROTE SO MUCH! SORRY IF NONE OF THIS MAKE SENSE LOL

i hope you have an amazing day! stay cool

Hi there. I can’t stay cool because I’m not cool lol. It makes sense and it’s not too much. The more info the easier it is to find your perfect match. Idk how far you are in Tokyo Revengers. Let’s do this and I hope you enjoy.

You Got…

Kokonoi Hajime!!!!

He loves romance. (If you’ve seen season 3 you kind of get it). Love is something he really wants. And when he falls, he falls hard!

He works a lot too, so don’t worry about him getting mad at you.

He is patient and kind of a sweetheart. He wouldn’t get annoyed by your hand talking and getting passionate.

He’s been good friends with Inui (Inupi, Discount Sabo, etc. Boy has so many names lol!!!!), who does express himself much. He’d be able to figure it out and help as much as he could (his solution probably would include money).

He’d tell you he appreciates and loves you as much as he can. He can be a little emotionally constipated. He’ll probably also buy you stuff to show how much he cares.

If you love a character or band, expect lots of merch from him.

He’d love to hear your stories, especially angsty romance. He’s kind of an example angsty romance so…yeah.

I think you two would have similar music tastes and idk why. If he isn’t a Swiftie, I don’t know anything anymore.

[booasaur]

As someone at 27 y/o bi leaning towards women.. who’s born in a country that doesn’t support lgbt rights and also in the closet because of homophobic dad/relatives, im honestly so upset by this. The only way I can live my truth is to live vicariously through the wlw media that I consume and it fuckin hurts. It’s heartbreaking that even just being who I am is impossible and the only way I can is being ripped away from me. I don’t know how much more I can take, especially during pride month

Oof, I get you, anon. When it's your only outlet to something that for others can manifest in so many life-changing ways, crushes, first kisses, dating, sex, marriage, children, it can be so stifling when even the one avenue you have is closed off. And however far away it's happening, it's a reminder of the same homophobia and restrictions you see right around you, so it feels even more hopeless, knowing that in places that are supposedly better off, there are still these major battles to be fought.

I don't know your exact situation, but here are some of the things that helped me come to terms with these same frustrations:

First, focus on individual people more than trends. That's tough to do, for sure, especially when, again, you see so much homophobia directly around you so it seems ubiquitous, but if you're particularly taking WN's case to heart, remember that as much as Netflix tried to shut it down, the cast and crew fought for it! For all these cancellations, there are people who made the original media in the first place and tried to keep it going. It's not hopeless, there's so much support and so many allies.

This next part might be hard to accept, and you know, maybe it's not what'll work for you, but for me, I really did have to learn to not get really deep into any one show or ship. When things are good, they're so good, it all sucks you in, you check the updates all the time, and maybe most importantly, there's this whole community you become a part of. But when you lose it, not if, because in f/f you will, even if things end well, there aren't enough people to keep it going, the more you've made it a part of your life, the more you feel that loss.

All fans should exercise moderation and keep things in perspective, but I'm speaking more to people like us, who don't have anything in real life to balance out what we experience through media.

I answered this ask a little late because I did get sucked up into other shows airing right now that have f/f and that doesn't negate the core issue, this will be the final season for most of them, if not all, but there's still something to get into, even just in f/f media. Perhaps you may prefer lesfic, or the f/f Youtube/Tiktok scene, or webseries.

It's also worth getting into non-media hobbies. Or, you know, at least consuming non-f/f media. I remember being angry at seeing the m/f couples in pretty much everything else while we couldn't have anything, so I just didn't watch anything at all and instead just did those elaborate adult paint by numbers and listened to comedy podcasts. And once I did feel more in the mood to watch stuff again, it was goofy sitcoms and old school murder mysteries, where it wasn't really like, oh, I wish this had more of us. :P

Lastly, it really does sting at you if you feel isolated and alone even from your own family, so try to see if there are other ways you can connect with them. Otherwise it just adds to your negative feelings to resent and fear them.

None of this may work for you, there are so many other possibilities, moving away, coming out, getting involved with LGBT organizations near you or just meeting other queer people, but I'm sure you've already considered those options and they're not currently doing enough for you. But I would at least give some of this a shot, try some distance at first, and hopefully it'll start to feel better. It really doesn't help that we're globally going through a pretty rough time, but just focus on feeling better yourself.

[pixiedoll2]

Tw: long vent post about my relationship with my mom

This might be a mess of words or really jumbled...I just really needed to talk about this

The way I feel like I can't live without my mom ,the content fear over my mom's well being, the constant people pleasing ,it's exhausting me ....

I hate being the "helper " of the family, the peace keeper ,the glue or whatever else you want to call it . I hate feeling like the family will fall apart if I'm not around, ,I hate being my mom's therapist for her relationship to my dad ,I hate the co dependent relationship I have with my mom( the only reason i know this is becausemy therapisttold me that me and my mom werecodependent)

.... I hate the mixed signals, passive aggressiveness, the tears, the fights . the way that I feel like I constantly have to please them to feel loved and welcome. the way I always had to help when I was younger . The making me feel like I'm simultaneously keeping the family together yet tearing it apart .

the way that if I try to be my own person ( figuring out my gender identity) she will get upset and tell me I'm wrong, or if I come to her with a problem like if she said something that hurt me she will defensive and deny she ever said it /say that it didn't happen that way or if I have different views than her she will get upset and angry at me ( well both my parents will ,my dad has actually threatened to kick me out onto the street before )

The way her actions don't match her words like the way she handled my trauma with my brother ( abuser) ...she says she wants me to feel safe but will continuously let my brother back into the house or how she said that me telling my family about the abuse " is a situation that could've tore the family apart " ....yet she says that she loves me and wants me to be safe and feel happy .

I don't know I have so many confusing feelings about my family.... they hurt me but I can't live without them ...

I'm like emotionally mature but also extremely immature and dependant on my mom to make decisions about literally anything I do and constantly look for her validation and love

My dad is emotionally immature and constantly walks on eggshells around him and I constantly feel like my mom is treating me like a therapist for their relationship problems and as well telling me things about their relationship that I shouldn't let my dad know that I know because it'll make him very very mad .... basically trauma dumping to me then have me keep quiet about it

I constantly feel like a parent and helpless child all at the same time and I want to scream and cry. I want to run away and never see my parents again while also being terrified of being an adult an wanting to cling to my mom for help at all times ,for all decisions .

I don't know how to get out ... I feel like im trapped with no escape from trauma or hurt ...like I'm helpless and hopeless ....

There's other problems I deal with and other forms of trauma I've gone through that make this all the more complicated and complex but it too much to explain....this is just me venting about my parents, mostly my relationship with my mom and the "helper " label that's been put over my head since I was a little child .

[gayspock]

again sir?

all of yesterday i was likegod i'll try and piece myself together. tomorrow. now its 7pm lay face down freaking it for 2 hours after work . i cant fucking bring myself to get any of this shit together and its godawful fucking humiliating bursting into tears over nothing in a loop, and help me christ because. i dont want to fucking move and what is even the fucking point when its getting nowhere . stupid fucking cunt (points) spends his energy barely and i dont even get close to an equilibrium as everything just slips further and further away and so what cuz even if i fucking did manage to scrape everything its like tomorrow and thern the next day and its forever and ever and im really fucking sick of everythng i feel like im such a fucking waste of space and i cant ever find anything witrhin me to prove otherwise and theres never anything i can fucking do that works out or means anything and i keep trying and it never goes anywhere and im so so so sick of fucking trying im really fucking sick oftrying it never fucking means anything its so fucking worthless and the only fucking thing people cn ever say to you is to keep fucking doing it and for what ikeep doing it for years and it never matters and i know what that means i know its just people trying to pass the buck i dont think anyones everactually had faith in me realistically to do it only stupid fucking idealised versions until they realise its really that fucking worthless and i dont know i do try i swear i do but it never is worth a fucking thing and no one believes me no one believes its that fucking hopeless and i cant even fucking tell anyone i told you so because nobody fucking sees i exist and im always left behind in the end and i dont know whats wrong with me or why its so hard and everyone says its fucking hard and it just makesme so fucking angry and upset because theyre still surrounded by at leas tfucking someone at least fucking someone i keep just fucking ending up alone and fucking crazy even if i do my best and i htink i keep thinking about how i really will be dying alone and no ones ever going to know i existed and what was it even fucking for i just fucking lived and it was miserable and nobody fucking cared and so fucking what i think about how naive i fucking was as a kid thinking someone might finally give a rats ass and it all just keeps passing me by i can barelyfucking coast by nevermind be a fucking functioning person and im so fucking alone have i bitched about that yet ii cant fucking do it any more im alone 24/7 and i cant fucking do it and all the advixce just feels like people mocking me because i dont have anything i keep trying at things and it just doesnt work and the truth is im just sort of a deadweight fucking person and nobody . likes that . like i cant fucking make more of myself i cant fucking manage anything like "get some hobbies go outside"

i DONT FUCKING KNOW MAN i keep trying and i keep trying but i just . cant find anythingwithin me no matter how fucking much i keep doing i just keep fucking throwingmyself at stuff and feeling hollow and getting insanely upset or something bad keeps happening and im punted back further and further every time cuz szomehow it just keeps getting worse it keeps getting worse all the time maybe if it was just a fucking steady, horrible fucking miserable ache but its like every time i try to fucking better something it jsut feels like i make a fucking fool of myself and i end up intears no matter how many times i keep going at it and its not fucking fair its not fucking fair im being childish i know i am but fucking god it takes so much fucking time an d energy to just subsist and try to fucking meet the baseline for a nothing, empty fucking existence and for what no one fucking sees me icant fucking keep anyones attention im barely fucking stomachable and nobody fucking takes me seriously im a fucking joke and i keep trying everything i try to be myself i try to be something more something less it means fucking nothing i cant even fucking keep my shit together i can tfucking do anything its embarrassing that no one fucking believes i cant fucking do anything i keep trying at so much fucking shit and i just always . seem . to fail. and i dont understand i just wish there wasdone thing that went right or i could be happy about or one fucking thing that meant something but there isnt and . and no oneis ever going to help because theres no one fucking there . i dont have any friends my family dont fucking care i can go months and months just dead silent . i think i can go years and it wont make a difference i havent spent fucking time with anyone in so long im so so fucking sad but even given all the opportunities i jsut cant . do it . i cant i think theresjust something so fucking hollow and people can tell and they'll never fucking want me and i just want toknow what its like to be hugged properly or to have someone fucking check in and make sure i have a fucking pulse and i cant helpmyself i cant even manage anything by myself i wish i wa scapable of soemthing just something god even if i was alone its so fucking . i cant fucking do both i cant be fucking alone and just so . fucking useless cuz i cant fucking manage anything i dont know whats wrong with me why i have to be stupid and just so fucking . useless and i dont even have the words half the time i just . i cant ever fucking even describe it like i jsut keep fucking cocking everything up and i feelso fucking exhausted and i cant . keep fucking swallowing the failure after fucking failure and ithink im just going to end up dead and i keep crying because nobodysever going to even know i just write insane fucking posts like i have for years and it doesnt fuckinghelp anything but keep some fucking . stupid thread on fucking reality that ive long since fucking lost like why man fucking why whatever god

[feral-cockroach]

MASSIVE TW FOR SELF HARM

ive been clean for almost a full year. maybe just over at this point, i dont know. but all (and i mean ALL) of my scars were fully healed and some were even fading into those little white lines that are barely visible on your skin.

and i relapsed tonight. ive been fighting it for weeks now but realistically i knew it was going to happen eventually. i feel so, so hopeless. nothing is working out and i cannot convince myself that things will improve. its a feat to just talk myself out of suicide every morning at this point.

im so fucking sick of everything. i mean honestly what is the point? im barely making rent, im going to lose my home in october of next year, ive got no car, no license, i can't afford groceries most of the time with absolutely no help from anyone around me. im scared. im tired and im alone.

i havent self harmed in a year or over and the worst of it was 3 years ago. except im getting back to that point i was at 3 years ago and i cant afford institutionalisation again. even if i could i dont want to go back. they held me for a week and then gave me a caretaker and then took away my caretaker when i turned 18 and then when i found myself a new therapist they completely cancelled my insurance with no warning and then denied me when i tried to reapply. ive been without insurance for a year in march.

im fucking terrified and i hate it here and i cannot do this shit much longer. i just cant. i dont know how much more fear and paranoia and justified upset one guy can fucking take !!!!

i just wish my father hadnt stalked and coerced my mom and i wish my moms mom wasnt such a pro life piece of shit and i wish my mom hadnt developed such an attachment to her abuser to convince herself that having a child was a good idea and i ESPECIALLY wish that my mom hadnt completely discarded me when we left my father and then immediately started dating new men every fucking week my whole life ive never known her to be single

and i love my mom !!!! but my mom does NOT love herself !!!!! and my mom HAS TO HAVE validation from men !!!!! and ive spent the past FOUR YEARS trying to have a relationship with her and she wants absolutely nothing to do with me and it SUCKS !!!!

it sucks so fuckinf much that EVERY SINFLE PERSON involved in bringing me into this SHITHOLE wants NOTHING TO DO WITH ME because i didnt end up how THEY WANTED ME because GOD FORBID I BE FUCKINF TRAUMATISED BY WHAT THEY ALL PUT ME THROUGH.

and im so , so angry. and scared. im so scared. im not sure when im going to kms but honestly, if i look to the future, thats all i see. thats all i have ever seen since i was 12 years old when i first self harmed. thats almost an entire decade of self harm. and i was convinced i wouldnt hit 16 or 18 or 21 and im about to hit 21 and every year it was "if i make it to [16/18/21] i wont make it to 30" and here i am at 21 and you know what

i wont. i dont think im going to make it to 30. by my own hand or my fathers or capitalisms i dojt fucking know but i will not live to see 30. i am certain

and it is the only thing i have ever been certain about my entire life.

[rowarn]

OH MY GOD MY MIND IS SO BLOWN AT YOUR WRITING ?? I’VE MAINLY JUST BEEN LINGERING IN THE BACK BUT PLM , TS LITERALLY OPENED MY EYES SO WIDE . you manage to capture emotions and the weight of those feelings so incredibly well , and the way you breathe such LIFE into these characters UGH IM GIGGLING AND KICKING MY FEET IN THE AIR !! the way reader is so raw and vulnerable with their feelings and how simon is so misunderstanding with his own and the reader’s emotions and im chewing and munching so hard i do not have a singular coherent thought abt this because !?!!? AND WHEN SIMON GOT MEAN TOWARDS READER ?? like , it made my blood boil BUT IN SUCH A GOOD WAY BECAUSE I DONT USUALLY GET MUCH REACTION FROM ANGER IN WRITING AND HE WAS JUST SO UGH ABT IT ?!?? really glad he apologised for it , ESPECIALLY considering his own issues regarding vulnerability , and im so happy reader learned to trust him again . also wanna briefly touch on this subject , but as an sa survivor myself , i just wanna say you absolutely NAILED the portrayal of it !! the getting angry and upset with people who weren’t ever even involved because of the overwhelming static it causes , the feelings of hopelessness and pain , you did such an amazing job on that . AND THE SMUT !! now THESE got me giggling cuz the way simon is so big and strong but hes still so gentle with reader AND THE TEASING !! the whole thing got me doing laps 🙏 i thought i was a könig only girlie , but you absolutely changed that SO fast . rant aside , your writing is so incredible and lovely , and it made me cry like 6 times but its so amazing !! you best be proud of yourself cuz you hung the stars with this , and im blown AWAY

this was so nice to read thank u sm for takin the time to put your thoughts here for me i adored reading it MWAH 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 THANK U <333333

[werewolf-femboy-maid]

I am so fucking miserable there is so much pressure and everyone wants my free time but nobody wants to understand me.

very hopeless and angry tired feeling, very very sad

I got told about how much time im wasting by moping, how much he just wishes he had my free time and im so lucky. he didn't say that literally but holy fuck now he keeps playing my cards that he tells ME to stop playing (self deprecation and making my problems worse by being angry and not breathing)

so angry honestly

I feel so empty

ive wasted so much time. im 25 now. im gonna be 30. ive wasted so much free time. the internet is a scam. all the social medias are a scam. life is a scam. everything in the world is a scam. love is a scam. even death is a scam. and it all keeps going because love and hatred keep pulsing in the extremes of matter, living and non living.

im just really angry and didn't eat protein yet and im just so sad and very sad and upset and I feel like an entitled Karen and I think I overlooked some pretty telling symptoms of ocd

im so lonely. im so so extremely lonely. I weep for the little child that wanted to have fun with friends and eat delicious food and be peaceful every day. I have positively failed her.

I mean I guess not completely. I follow my heart if it matters too much. shed still be disappointed tho. 25 and still no car? :"( nothing?

not much food these days either. everyone getting broke. I cant imagine other places too rn. it's all so heartbreaking. everywhere I turn, it's just sadness and decay and corruption. and then every now and then there's snuggles and plants and food. but that's about it. its just living with the guilt that so many live a much more horrid and difficult life and have suffered unspeakable deaths. and im here moping. what even caused this? he said something that hurt my fragile pathetic ego again? I don't even remember. I feel so lonely because communicating with people requires more effort than Im comfortable with, but that's the only way anyone will come close to understanding me. im just so constantly tired. for the past entire life honestly. been babysitting since 3 years old. im literally the only girl. the oldest as well. I was homeschooled.

my mental health is probably suffering these days because im in that weird rut where I still need to sign up for an associates degree, but I also need to make a logo, but I need to watch one piece since he slept in too much to drop me off at my place this morning. idk its a big huge fucking mess, and if its true that ive been living with Audhd the whole time, then it doesnt even comfort me anymore because my youth was wasted on ignorance. I will never be 14 again. if only she knew. she could've said something.

so yeah long story short, not having a consistent something to do, whether that is a job, hobby, entrepreneuring or literally just self care schedule, is detrimental to mental health because it's taking exercise away from the brain muscles.

what I mean is that its good to stretch the body, and I usually feel quite refreshed after some cardio or weight training. and the same applies to the brain.

something im trying to grasp more is the "growth mindset" because the opposite of that is a "fixed mindset"

Growth Mindset: People can learn things regardless of age.

Fixed Mindset: There's only so much people can learn, and once habits are fully developed, people cannot change.

so I kept telling myself how hopeless it is, oh I wasted so much time, and time is money. my life is basically useless, my youth is depleted and now I need to die. but no that is not the case here, unfortunately.

unfortunately there is hope, not really for the world, but for my particular situation at least.

physically I am very privileged. I have white-yellow skin and have both parents making income. I have a bf that cares about me (we just both have problems lmao) and I have two places that I live at: my parents and my bfs. its convenient but at the same time its a fucking nightmare I need to reside at only one place and have my room n shit.

but yeah mentally I was isolated and yelled at for most of my life and I never got to play video games because I was a pushover and I also daydreamed too much so I got my homework done a lot slower than my siblings.

mix that with some undiagnosed adhd, autism, and even possibly ocd, and you get infinite sadness.

idk the "infinite sadness" is a phrase that comes into my head randomly lmao

hey I had this sad dream last night where I was walking with someone and they pointed to my bf sitting in some spot and they said "men like him who love people like you are going to live a sad life" and I just felt really bad because he has to deal with my tantrums (red40 is so bad holy shit, it was a lot worse than I thought)

anyway, the least I can say is that its never actually too late. you can be old af and having every kind of cancer ever, but if you find something you like, its never too late to enjoy it. do whatever the fuck you want man. don't listen to those random rules your head makes up that don't make any sense. make your own sense. and then make dollars.. $$$$$$$$$$$

[v-anrouge]

(i was that one anon) i also have an issue with the whole "letting emotions control you" thing so ill try to give my own advice

while i still have issues controlling my emotions, i really think the way i try to hold back from doing something destructive like that is just to take time to think about why it makes you want to react in such a manner before actually reacting publicly

i also think it helps that if you do end up responding you could try to respond more like saying how it made you feel rather than blowing up. also, i remember i saw a thing that said if youre upset you should choose between raising your voice or cursing because if you use both it might escalate things, and i do think those things affect tone as well. it might also help to hide angry rants under cuts, get all your feelings out, and move on

and i think in the end if all of that doesnt work, the best you can do is take a moment to calm down after its already been done and go from there. because its not one step forward, two steps back. i really do think you can get better and you have

idk if this is actually helpful because this is all my own experience but i truly dont think youre some hopeless cause i have a lot of faith in you. im so sorry if this doesnt help lol but i wish you all the best 💪

no no the cursing or raising your voice thing is really good advice actually thank you xen :3

[iamyelling]

feeling insane and hopeless and becoming worse and sad and angry and lonely and messed up. but at least i have food in my belly now and im not about to pass out from heat or very cold anymore.

feel hollow . like there’s a hole, something gaping and missing. not in a sexy way. in a way like something is ripped out. like i am missing something i need. something is wrong like i hunger. like im gasping but not for air but for … something else.

i feel so alone. i shouldn’t have to be alone. she should care. why doesn’t she care when i talk. why doesn’t she like me. yeah she demands / asks for things which i do for her. or she wants to ‘spend time together’ which really is she wants to sit nearby but not touching while doing entirely separate things (usually scrolling phones, watching youtube or tv shows, video games), minimal to no talking, maybe eating. sometimes very mechanical sex which is very fast for me or very long for her and leaves everyone unsatisfied and bored and tired.

the question here is . what the hell is wrong with her. is it TRULY just that i don’t have a job?? all this is pure resentment that no one will hire me? is that what im supposed to believe? idk. things were fine a couple years ago. nice even.

now i don’t even know why we’re together.

i think the problem is i want to be a parent and she doesn’t. so she’s just being terrible, not necessarily intentionally.

i WANT things to be good. i WANT her to love me. and be nice and emotionally present and intelligent and competent. i want her to like me. i want her to be able to hold a conversation. i want her to fun to be around. i want to be able to trust her. i want her to be cooperative. i want her to desire to be a team. i want her to care about things in general. the world, the state of things. it’s disturbing how much she’s just like “whatever” and “i don’t know” and “i don’t care” and “it’s fine” and “ok”. i feel like those phrases are the vast majority of what she says now. she’s just fucking gone.

i love the idea of her, of being in love, of being a family. but i don’t love what im experiencing right now.

i want things to be better. that’s why it is so upsetting, why it hurts so much. i can’t just will her into being .. the way i want. even though that’s what she says (that i should just give her a chance and believe). all i DO is believe and hope and envision and wish and ache and feel hollow. and then she .. exists in the form she exists in now. no believing on my end will change that. she has to change.

i keep promising myself that i need to divorce her. that’s bad. it’s horrible to admit! i don’t think she understands how fucking serious this is. i think she just thinks im crazy and unstable and creating problems out of nothing and just dramatic and overreacting.

[irlkanamedate]

The current state of my mental health.

Gonna be real honest right off the bat. Its bad. You guys know its been bad but I mean its real bad right now.

Im a mess and it won't make any real sense i dont think so read or not, its under a cut.

[Suicidal, eating disorder, just in general bad shit I guess]

Its been months of feeling worse and worse and feeling utterly hopeless and lost. Months of constant bullshit from either my brain, my living situation, my fucking financial situation, or whatever else decides to come by and ruin what I thought was things getting better.

I find myself once again falling back into the delusional spiral because I'm having a harder and harder time regulating my emotions and mental state and if I had ever been mean or snippy or just awful to you guys, I am genuinely sorry. I dont even remember a lot of this shit I did cause my visual timeline of things have been cut so much due to just being in this black fog of self loathing.

And maybe it is my own fault for self sabotaging and dipping from so many things. Ruining friendships and all idk. Hell i can't even bring myself to actually talk to a lot of you guys cause im just so... fucking lost.

Constantly torn between multiple different sorts of realities in my brain and being too much in a constant bad mood to feel comfortable engaging or I might say something bad or be snippy so I just run away from it again and again.

I am just some kind of burden to you guys in my own mind. Some kinda burden to my own family. Just some hopeless directionless corpse that genuinely feels like I have made no real impact to anyone. And it isnt any of your faults. I know this isn't really... true. But its such an active hard struggle to fight against this pure delusional thought that I get so tired.

I get so tired trying to just... remind myself over and over. And then my brain fight back going like "if it isnt true then why are you the only one saying it? Where is your proof?" Or pulling some other bullshit move to make me believe this false reality.

Im so tired guys. But I hate being a burden. You guys say I'm not some times but I can't stop feeling like one.

Im not saying this or ever do anything to make you guys shower me in affection and love. I never want to manipulate that sort of thing. I never intend to. But sometimes I think I do it subconsciously cause im just fucking blinded by so much shit.

I cant help but think how much I might actually be a horrible person.

Especially when I want to be mad. I want to get angry. I want to lash out. But I know its often unreasonable. But fuck when I try to be reasonable and hold back and try to be mature I still get a fucking shit result.

I dont know what to do.

I feel like everything is always and has always been my fault. My fault always my fucking fault. It's my fault I can't make decisions. My fault im a people pleaser. My fault I got assaulted. My fault I am poor.

I stopped eating cause I believed it could help my mom if she didn't have to feed mr along with that fucking bastard but here I am spending money on non essentials cause it made me happy.

But nothing really makes me happy in the end does it?

Im still here. Shit living situation, poor as shit, unable to hold a job due to multiple reasons. Unable to get proper medical care. Unable to truely be the fucking man I want to be. Unable to express anything properly and truely.

Im suicidal as shit. I made promises to many people I wont do it. And I still won't. But because guilt is whats keeping me here really.

I do love all my friends so much. I appriciate so much of what you guys do for me. And im so angry and upset I can't always see that cause my brain is so hell bent on killing me.

So I just feel guilty all the time. That I still feel like fucking shit even though I get love and care. I feel guilty for asking for things. Feel guilty for taking up space, for needing things, for just being alive but also feeling guilty for wanting to die all the time now. But I can't kill myself cause I feel guilty for breaking promises and making people sad. But I feel guilty for expressing just how bad I am cause that makes people sad.

Im stuck here by guilt and I dont know how to change that so I just feel worse and worse and worse. I cant eat but I try to eat a little so I dont make people feel too bad but I hate eating.

I dont know. I just dont know anymore.

I cant see any real future for me. I just can't.

And so im just... stuck here. Just existing day by day. Silently hoping one day I just never wake up again. Cause then I didnt make that choice. Something or someone else did for me. And I wont have to feel that guilty. Or something. Or at all cause I wasn't really awake. I dont know.

Im sorry. I'm just not ok. And this isnt even all of it i dont think but im just... so tired.

I am so tired guys.