#in all honesty i did not expect that one to be chosen and i am trying desperately to brainstorm something 💀💀

[mediumgayitalian]

it’s actually embarrassing when ur 13 year d sister is a better driver than you

[wileys-russo]

jenni hermoso ”i knew i would find you from here” a house party

j.hermoso II never too late

"i'm just gonna get some air!" you yelled over the music, kissing your best friends cheek who nodded, downing your drink and dropping the cup on a table on your way out, exhaling at the sudden peace and quiet of the backyard.

you pretended not to notice the few couples littering the back patio, curled up together in darkened corners and pool chairs taking advantage of the privacy as you wandered a little further away, sitting down at the edge of the pool.

this was supposed to be a high school reunion of sorts, though it felt a little sad to watch some of your now near thirty year old classmates try to re-live their 'glory days' most of the class now married, engaged or on call for their kids babysitters.

you of course had none of the above, having chosen to study right out of school and though you had a very high paying well respected job to show for it, you couldn't help but feel robbed of some other aspects of life you'd been too careless with.

"i knew i would find you here."

speaking of things you'd missed out on.

you looked up at her voice, a smile settling in your features as you took in the woman in front of you, no longer the awkwardly tall teenager you'd messed around with in empty classrooms during your free periods.

"jennifer hermoso fuentes." you smiled, pushing yourself up to your feet, stomach fluttering a little at the knee buckling grin she sent your way. "in the flesh, hola hermosa." the girl opened her arms for a hug as you settled into them, laughing as she jostled you side to side gently, kissing your cheek.

"of all people i expected to run into here, you weren't on my list jen." you admitted, the two of you breaking apart and taking a seat beside one another, legs dangling in the pool.

"mm and why is that?" she asked with a curious smile, leaning back on her hands and watching you. "a title winning national football campeón? slumming it at a house party with us campesinos." you teased as she playfully rolled her eyes and flicked you with water.

"what can i say? the honor is yours." jenni winked and you'd be lying if you said your stomach didn't do a little flip just like when you were a teenager.

"vale enough about me now! y tú? what are you doing with yourself?" jenni finished catching you up on everything around a half an hour later, bumping her shoulder into yours as you shrugged.

"-but sometimes i feel like i blinked and ten years has gone by, and i have a career sure but i do not have much to show for it in a way of a personal life." you wrapped up your summary, cheeks blushing pink as you looked away.

"what are you-" you questioned as the taller girl grabbed your hands inspecting them. "checking for a wedding ring, i would hate to be flirting with a married woman." jenni grinned cheekily as she dropped your hands and you couldn't help but smile.

"you have not changed." you chuckled at her abrupt boldness, jenni never afraid to wear her heart on her sleeve, one of the most honest women you'd ever known even if sometimes you did not ask for her honesty.

"i have too! i grew up, i am an adult." jenni stuck her tongue out at you as you shook your head. "big child in an adults body maybe." you teased, pushing her as a comfortable silence fell between the pair of you, the faint pulse of the music inside as the night ran late and the party started to slowly die out.

"hey you have something that none of the idiotas here have." jenni stated as you gave her a curious frown, caught off guard as she leaned in and pecked your lips.

"you've kissed a world cup winner!" her lips curled into a wicked grin as she lay down looking up at you and you had to laugh, touching your lips where they tingled a little at the familiar sensation of kissing her.

"maybe you have changed..." you mused, leaning down closer as she quirked an eyebrow, playful glint in her eyes. "...you used to be a much better kisser." you whispered, patting her chest and sitting back up as she looked up at you incredulously.

"es que tan?" jenni sat up quickly, clearly offended by the statement which only amused you more as you nodded. "sí, de verdad." you confirmed, features painted into a smirk.

"mmm well maybe you have changed too princesa." jenni echoed as you now raised an eyebrow at her, though before you even had a millisecond to comment you were plunged underwater, feet hitting the bottom.

"you used to be a good swimmer!" jenni laughed, doubled over as you resurfaced coughing and spluttering, eyes narrowed into a filthy glare.

but you hardly had a moment to condemn her as she dove in to join you, popping up in front of you with a wiggle of her eyebrows and a pearly white toothy grin.

"i did not miss you cabrón." you spluttered, treading water as the footballer swam even closer. "yes you did." jenni nodded, hovering right in front of you now, her face only a few centimeters from yours.

"i did not." "you did." "you wish." "maybe i do."

another silence fell between you as your eyes roamed one anothers faces, drinking in every little detail both new and old that had stayed or appeared in the ten or so years you'd not seen her up close.

"why did we break up?" you were caught a little off guard at the abruptness of her question, sighing at the way her eyebrow creased curiously.

"i don't know jen. you were getting serious with football, i was going to university. we just...we went down different paths of life that didn't cross over." you struggled out an answer, neither of you really holding any ill will with the other but you'd be lying if you said you hadn't occasionally found yourself doing a little internet deep dive into what your ex was up to.

"i only came here hoping i would see you." again you were caught off guard by her statement, searching her eyes for any signs that she was messing with you but only finding blunt honesty, her speciality.

"well...here i am." "here you are." jenni smiled and those butterflies appeared as you reached across to push a few wet strands of hair from her forehead, shivering lightly as a gust of wind blew hitting your damp skin.

"vamos, lets get dry." jenni nodded toward the steps, the two of you swimming over, jenni hopping out first and extending a hand to help you. "you didn't think this through, did you?" you questioned, motioning to both of your soaking wet bodies and not a towel in sight as she smiled sheepishly.

"well...i'm not staying far from here. i have a very spacious shower in my hotel room, and lots of towels, comfortable bed, movies on order, snacks." jenni grinned hopefully, poking at you as you smacked her hand and wrapped your arms around your wet form.

"are you asking me to come for a sleepover hermoso?" you teased as the taller girl chuckled and shrugged. "maybe. but just, with a little less sleeping." she hinted with another wink that had your stomach twisting, offering you her hand with a charming smile, brightening as you grabbed it and the pair of you headed off toward the side exit.

maybe it wasn't too late for some things to work out for you after all.

[ja3yun]

The Sun That Always Burns | S.JY pt.2

sim jaeyun x afab!reader

warnings: smut (mdni). exhibitionism (slightly), fluff, angst, y/n is kinda mean, fingering, oral (m+f rec), pet names, protected/unprotected sex, not proofread, anything else lmk!

wc: 17k+ (sorry)

synopsis: you and jake's high school relationship blossomed into a romance filled with hope and promise. however, as time went on, jake's long-term expectations began to weigh heavily on you, who struggled to meet them. your paths eventually lead you in separate directions, each experiencing different aspects of life and ultimately moving on from your past love. unexpectedly, fate intervened and you both reunite after years apart. the reunion allows you to rediscover your feelings for each other but also forces you to navigate the complexities of your past and present.

part 1 | part 3

a/n: hi! this part is heavily filled with plot, drama and smut. hope you all like it. this will probably be the deciding factor of if I continue the series (I have written it all now) or not. if you like it and want more please lmk!

To say everything was going well with you and Jaeyun over the next year would be an understatement.You had never felt so loved in your life; not by your parents, not by your siblings, it was only Jaeyun that made you feel like the world had its saturation turned up. The sun had a habit of making life look brighter.

Your 18th birthday party was tonight and you had been planning this for the past few months. It fell right after exams so you were going to use it as an excuse to get everyone together and let loose. Did you have an abundance of friends? Not really, you had your group of all-weather friends. Did that mean you didn’t invite everyone in your year that you liked so you could have a great birthday bash? Absolutely not.

Your friends Ryujin and Yeji were there to help you pick out a birthday outfit which of course you had preemptively chosen knowing that it would have the approval of your best friends and your boyfriend.

“Y/N, you look amazing,” Ryujin said as she eyed you in your short black dress with red lace trimming the bottom and ends, “You look so good, Jake isn’t going to be able to keep his hands off you.” You smile and nod, she would never know you bought the dress specifically for that reason. When you were in the store there were lots of dresses that fit your normal aesthetic but you wanted something bold, something that said you’re no longer a little girl. Of course, you were still a little girl, one birthday isn’t going to magically make you an adult but that didn’t mean you couldn’t look like it.

A few hours later and the party is in full swing, your parents are gone, there is over 50 people in your house, and you have to get to see Jaeyun. You’re getting nervous that he isn’t going to come. His text message stares at you as you read it for the nth time.

Be there soon, Baby. Can’t wait to see my girl! x

That was two hours ago. 

“Hey.” A voice from behind you pulls you out of your trance and you look at him, his body close to yours, “You’re the birthday girl, right? I’m Sunghoon.” His sleeked-back hair and perfect features throw your whole state of being off. 

“H-Hey. Um, yeah I am! Thank you for coming.” You bow a little and as you come up, your eyes meet his, and your face goes red. He is so beautiful, mesmerising, unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. The moon shines on his face as it bleeds through the windows. The freckles on his face add another dimension of beauty, his canines gleaming when he smiles.

“You’re Jake’s girlfriend? Where is he?” where is he? You ask yourself the same question. He is always beside you, always on time, always here. 

You shrug your shoulders and fakely chuckle, “I have no idea actually.” Honesty is the best policy but as Sunghoon’s hand reaches for your arm you think it was better if you had lied and told him Jaeyun was only away to the toilet. Jaeyun please come here quick. Sunghoon caught on to your rigid demeanor and nodded. He knew Jaeyun had an unholy hold on you.

“If I was Jake,” he started, “I would never let my pretty girlfriend stand alone at her own party.” Sunghoon kissed your temple.

He was right. Jaeyun should have been here the whole time. Are you too lenient on him? You take a shot of Cherry Sourz, Jaeyun’s favourite you mentally note. An earlier conversation with Yeji pops into your head.

“If you’re going to celebrate your 18th birthday you might as well have no regrets.”

And that’s exactly what you did. 4 hours after the party started you had no sense of yourself, Jaeyun was still nowhere to be found, and you were handed another shot. This was your 9th shot to be exact. 

Jaeyun strolls through the door with his friends Heeseung and Jay. His attitude was relaxed, a smile plastered on his face as he said hi to the people in the hallway; that was until he saw you.

Your body in that dress, your hair tussled from the dancing, the way the smile was placed upon your place, those hands that were on your hips. Jaeyun paused, his jaw that was once relaxed now clenched as he saw who was behind the foreign hands holding you - Sunghoon. 

Huffing, Jaeyun clenched his fists and walked over to you, jealousy seeping through every part of his body. He wasn’t afraid to admit that he was intimidated by Sunghoon, he wasn’t delusional to the fact that Sunghoon was attractive, probably the most handsome guy at the school and lamentably for Jaeyun, he was clearly into you. 

“Baby.” Jaeyun whispers as he wraps his arms around your waist and knocks Sunghoon off of you in the process, resting his head on your right shoulder, “Happy birthday, my love.” You were mad at him, but his touch was almost enough to forgive him. Unfortunately for Jaeyun, the shots didn’t make you forgive but rather fueled your anger towards him. 

You brushed his hands off ignoring him as you continued your conversation with Sunghoon. Jaeyun was hurt. In a way, he understood why you were acting like this, he let you down, and football practice lasted way longer than he intended, however, he wasn’t about to let Sunghoon take up all your attention. “Princess,” he whispered, knowing exactly what it did to you. You couldn’t ignore him anymore but that didn’t stop you from rolling your eyes.  Jaeyun noticed. “I’m sorry I’m late, I feel like such a dickhea-”

“Good. I hope you feel worse than that. I have been waiting for 4 hours. Do you know how embarrassing that is? All so you could what? Kick a ball about? Cheat on me? I don’t understand what was so much more important.”

Jaeyun stands still. He feels sick to think that even for a second you thought that you weren’t the most important person in his life. Cheat. That word echoed in his mind and he started to feel sick. Did he not show you love enough? Why was that one of the first things you thought of? He would never dream of it, he hasn’t even so much looked at a girl since he met you.

“Baby, I’m sorry I got caught up in football practice.” He confessed honestly. Was it an excuse? No, but his coach wasn’t letting him away no matter the excuse he gave.

“Whatever, Jake.” Jake. You hardly ever called him that before, not since you found out he liked being called Jaeyun more. Everyone called him Jake except for his family and you. His face turned pale as he realised how hurt you were by his actions. “Go enjoy yourself, I’m in the middle of a conversation.” His eyes met Sunghoon as you spoke. Sunghoon had a smirk on his face as if he had won in a game Jaeyun didn't know he was playing, and he did not want to be a part of it. 

You turned to Sunghoon and continued to speak to him, ignoring Jaeyun’s sad expression as you laughed at whatever shitty joke Sunghoon had to offer. 

To say Jaeyun was a sensitive soul would be an understatement. His feelings were so easy to read because he never thought to hide them, and as much as he was bottling his anger as Sunghoon stroked your arm, he wasn’t hiding it well. You were getting dangerously close to Sunghoon, your chest was millimetres away from him, and your head was tilted up to look at him. When Sunghoon leans down as if he is going to kiss you, Jaeyun knows he has to do something.Sunghoon had a reputation and Jaeyun would be damned if he let you be a part of it.

He strides over and hugs you from behind not unlike before. Trying to keep his cool and not come off as jealous he nuzzles his face into your neck and whines, “Baby.” Dragging out the pet name was a tactic he’ll admit. He knew you couldn’t resist it. “Can I give you your present now?”

“Is it to leave me alone? Because I would love that.” You spat at him. As soon as you turned around to look at him you instantly regretted the words that escaped your lips. Jaeyun’s eyes were wide, his brain was working overtime, and his chest was moving heavily. The alcohol in your system was making you react in a completely opposite way to how you would have. If sober you was alert she would have comforted Jaeyun and given him a thousand kisses to apologise, but drunk you was in charge and she was dangerous. “I need you to stop being so clingy, it's embarrassing.” Stop talking you screamed at yourself, “Can’t you see I’m talking to someone?” For the love of god please shut up and apologise. 

“Oh.” Jaeyun nodded slowly. He has never gotten angry, not once since you’ve known him, at least not seriously, but right now you see a fire behind his eyes that makes you wonder if you’re seeing things. He pushed his tongue to the side of his mouth and looked down, letting out a half scoff half laugh.  “Hope you have fun fucking him.” Jaeyun glares at Sunghoon and with that, he leaves. You call his name but he pushes through the crowded people to escape through the front door. 

He hears you calling his name but he is too upset to answer you. Your hand grabs his wrist as you pull at him, “Babe, please.” You plead but he yanks his arm away and continues walking. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it.”

“Mean what? That I’m clingy? That you would rather speak to Sunghoon? That you think i would ever cheat on you?” His voice turns venomous towards the end and in that moment you realise what you’ve actually done. “Okay, yes I was late for your birthday, and believe me Y/N I am so fucking sorry. I tried to get away and I couldn’t. But you flirting with someone right in front of me? That’s a low i never expected.”

“Jaeyun I never-”

“Don’t fucking try it.” Jaeyun cuts you off. You have never seen him like this. “I’ll take anything you have to say to me, all the criticisms, but don’t you dare ever for a second think I would cheat on you.” Tears are forming in his eyes but he blinks them away and exhales slowly trying to regain some composure. He might have been upset with you but he couldn’t bare to shout at you. “Y/N, I can’t control what you do, or what you think, but you can’t fuck with me like that.”

He was right. You were flirting with another guy because you were mad at Jaeyun. It wasn’t fair to him. You stare at him and bite your bottom lip to stop yourself from crying. You want to hug him and kiss him and apologise but your body and brain were fueled by the substances consumed earlier. “You know what Jaeyun?” you started, “How am I supposed to know you aren’t going around with other people? Half of your football team were here on time but suddenly the coach only wants you to stay behind? Fucking funny that isn’t it?”

“I fucking love you, Y/N. That should be enough for you to understand I’m not screwing anyone behind your back. Do you not trust me? Have I done something that would make you not trust me?” His voice is angry but not raised. Jaeyun sees the hurt in your eyes at his temper and it almost makes him aplogise. Almost. What does he have to be sorry for? He said he was sorry for being late, it was you who blew this into a big deal.

You knew it too. You knew deep down he would never cheat on you, and he wouldn’t be late for your birthday unless something was holding him back. The alcohol that coursed through your veins wasn’t helping you be a reasonable person, however. You stood in silence, staring at Jaeyun. He scoffs. “You don’t trust me? Fine. You know what?” Jaeyun takes a gift-wrapped box from his jacket pocket and throws it with force on the ground at your feet. “Happy fucking birthday, Y/N. Hope Sunghoon gets you off better than I can.” 

Frozen, you watch him walk home angrily. Your first fight and it was over something so stupid, something you caused and could easily have been fixed. No, it wasn’t great that he was late, but it wasn’t worth losing him over.

You bend down to pick up the box and unwrap it. As you flip open the box you see a gold sun-shaped necklace with a rose quartz centre. It’s beautiful and it’s so obviously Jaeyun. You were his sunshine, his love, his everything, and he probably saved up for this necklace which was clearly handmade. The engraving was the date you first started school, the day you first met. 

You were an idiot. You had to make it right, you can’t lose him. Losing him would ruin you completely. Running as fast as you can in heels you try to catch up with him but he is nowhere to be found. You spend a good hour outside looking for him before making your way to his house. He had to be there by now.

As you stand before his front door you inhale a deep breath and chap the door vigorously. 

“Oh my days it’s like 2 am what do you want.” Jaeyun opens the door quickly, speaking before he has even seen you. His eyes fall on you, red-faced, chest rising and falling at a rapid pace, the dress is hiked up sitting just under your ass. “Y/N?” 

Bursting into tears you blabber out everything you have to say. “Jaeyun I am such an idiot, I am so sorry for ever thinking you would cheat. To be honest, I knew you would never, I was just drunk” You’ve started to sober up in between the running and crying, “You were late for my birthday and It honestly wasn’t even that big a deal, I was angry and stupid. I love you so much please don’t break up with me.” You rush the last few sentences in between sobs. 

Standing in the doorframe, Jaeyun’s eyes are soft, a smile gracing his lips - a complete opposite to how he was only a few hours ago. He hated how blown out this whole thing was. It took him coming home and showering to calm down and assess how undeep the situation truly was.

“Princess, I know.” He brings you in for a hug and squeezes you as if at any moment you could disappear. “I will never break up with you, my love.” A kiss to your forehead. “I’m not angry at you.” A kiss to your temple.”I’m sorry I was clingy” A kiss to your cheek. “I love you so much.” A kiss to your lips.

You pull away with wide eyes, “You aren’t clingy, I was an idiot. I love you, I want you to be clingy all the time. I love it. I was just mad you were late.” Jaeyun nods in understanding and bites his lip, a habit of his you’ve never been able to get over.

“I’m sorry I was late.” He stares at you with his forehead resting against yours. Your eyes are red and puffy, his show clear signs of crying too. You were both so scared to lose each other in this moment that no words were exchanged, just this stare.

He pulls you in for a kiss and grabs your waist as he brings you into his house. “Stay with me tonight.” He whispers, almost unmissable if you weren’t listening. You nod and keep kissing him. 

“I’m sorry, Jaeyun.” He shakes his head.

“No, don’t. Don’t keep apologising, we were both silly.” He looks down at your hands and notices the box that contains his birthday present to you. “Did you like it?” You’re confused at first but as your eyes follow his to where they are looking for you to answer.

“I love it, can you put it on me?” 

Without another word, he nods and brings you into his room. He quietly shuts the door trying not to alert his parents. Jaeyun was surprised at how they didn’t wake up with you banging at the door but he didn’t give it too much thought. “Turn around, Princess.”

Obediently you turn around and hand him the necklace. As he clasps the jewelry around your neck you shiver at the coldness of the gold. The coldness doesn’t last long as Jaeyun starts kissing your neck, his plump lips pressing softly. 

“Jaeyun,” You moan softly and turn to face him, “let me make it up to you.” Your hands trail down his body as you stop at his lower abdomen. It’s only now you realise he’s only wearing his black boxers. “I’ve been so horrible to you.” As you play with the lining of his underwear, Jaeyun throws his head back. He wants this, he really does. You’re beautiful all the time but there is something so ethereal about your lips around his cock. But you’re intoxicated and upset and he doesn’t want to take advantage of that.

“Baby, I don’t need you to do that.” Jaeyun’s heart is beating fast as you trace the outline of his cock. “Please, you’re drunk and I don’t want you to feel like you have to.” He’s trying to defuse this situation without hurting your feelings. What he isn’t aware of is that you aren’t listening to him, a hand trespasses his boxers and lightly strokes his cock making him mutter an almost inaudible ‘fuck.’

With a hand on him, you guide him to sit on the gaming chair in his room. “Relax, Jaeyun. I know how much you love my mouth.” He could come right there and then. You slide his boxers off, slapping his thigh so he will lift his bum off the chair. “I’ve missed your cock so much.”

Jaeyun laughs at that. “We literally fucked yesterday.” 

“Technically it was 2 days ago,” you point to the clock that reads 2.37 am, “and I didn’t even get the celebratory cliche birthday sex.” Pouting while you were down on your knees had Jaeyun’s head in meltdown mode. You were so beautiful, in spite of the tear-stained cheeks and mascara smudging, you looked so irresistible.

His hand comes to cup your cheek as his thumb wipes away the running makeup from your face, “You’re so lovely.” You smile and he mirrors you, “Lovely people deserve to get fucked on their birthday, yeah?” Jaeyun breathes out.

There it is, the Jaeyun you were waiting for, and the permission you needed to take his cock in your mouth. It caught him off guard and his hands instinctively moved to your hair. “Fuck, Princess you’re so beautiful like this.” He looks down at you with admiration and desire. You bob your head up and down, every time you come up you swirl your tongue around the tip, dipping into his slit every second time. You knew everything that made Jaeyun feel pleasure. Over the past few years, you’ve learned and memorised each other's bodies, likes and dislikes. You were convinced no one could ever know you the way Jaeyun does. 

A few weeks ago you walked in on Jaeyun jerking off to porn. He threw his phone away and apologised a million times. You’re not the type of girlfriend that has an issue with her boyfriend watching porn, you too have done it sometimes if he’s away for the weekend to football training. What you did notice though was that as you picked up the phone, the girl was giving very enthusiastic head, gagging as he fucked his cock into her mouth. You had never done anything like that before. Jaeyun always held back thrusting his hips up so as to not cause you pain or discomfort. But you wanted it.

So today, you were going to give him everything you got. Apologies can’t be half-arsed, right?

You smile and lift your bum from your feet so you’re hovering over his cock at a higher angle. Smirking, your eyes meet his and you take his full length in your mouth, gagging as the tip breaches the back of your throat.

“Baby be careful.” Jaeyun was always attentive, always caring, but right now you needed to see him lose control. You don’t come off his cock but rather sit with his dick in your mouth and swallow - a trick that wasn’t easy to master but you knew it would drive him crazy. “Fuck, Princess.” As he feels your throat close and pinch the tip of his dick he moans so loudly you’re scared his parents might hear him.

You work your mouth up and down his cock again, you pinch his thighs a little and his hips thrust up, slamming his cock into your throat again. “Shit, baby I’m sorry.” You simply moan trying to let him know that's what you want. You pinch him again and he gets the memo. “Oh? Does my love want me to fuck her pretty little mouth?” You’re dripping by this point and hum around him in acknowledgment. He leans down and pulls you off his cock. “Tell me you want it.” Jaeyun’s hand has your hair in a ponytail. 

“I want you to fuck my throat until I can’t speak anymore.” A groan leaves his body. You’re perfect, he doesn’t understand where you came from, or how you both exist in this lifetime together, but he is so thankful.

“If it gets too much just tap my leg three times okay, Baby? No matter what. If it hurts, if you need air, let me know.” Nodding your head and smiling you let out a weak okay and he kissed your lips. It's so tender and loving. You know you’re about to get a completely different Jaeyun in two seconds.

He squeezes your cheeks with his middle finger and thumb to get your mouth to open. His dick is red and frustrated, multiple veins protruding around the shaft. You’re starving for it. Placing his cock in your mouth you take him all in. 

Slowly thrusting you can see he is trying to be gentle so you meet his thrusts, sucking up and down. “My baby.” He breathlessly moans as he picks up the pace. His tip is battering against your throat and you love every second of it. You hum in pleasure around him as he pounds faster into your mouth. “Y/N you’re so fucking good to me, such a perfect girl. Always taking what I give you.” He moans and his thrusts become erratic, and sloppy as he gets closer to his high,

His grip is tighter on your hair and he yanks you off before he comes.

“Jaeyun what’s wrong?” Your voice is hoarse and it drives him crazy.

“I need to come inside you, Princess. You can call it another birthday present.” He kisses you and lifts you up with ease, his mouth never leaving yours. “Such a pretty dress,” he states as he lays you down on the bed, “As soon as I saw you in it I knew I had to fuck you while you wear it.” Jaeyun hikes up the dress so it sits above your hips, exposing your red underwear, his favourite. “All for me, yeah?” His fingers lightly graze your slit over the lace. 

“Everything is for you.” The loving confession makes his heart swell in his chest. He needs you so bad, and you know it. “Just fuck me Jaeyun.” Your eyes land on his cautious ones. He hasn’t prepped you yet, it’s already a struggle to make him fit when he’s stretched you open. “I can’t wait for your cock any longer.” Frustration is laced within your voice and your body is writhing for some attention.

Jaeyun takes a condom from his stash and slides it on. His sensitive tip colliding with the rubber makes him wince. He looks for lube but can’t find his usual tube. You look at him searching and take the opportunity to shuffle down, grab his cock, and guide it to your entrance.The shock plastered on his face is quickly switched out with one of pure lust. “Princess can’t wait huh?” You eagerly shake your head as you push him in. The stretch isn’t painful due to how turned on you are. Genuine wonder starts to invade your brain as you think back to any other time you’ve been this desperate. You haven’t.

“You’re the death of me, Y/N.” He moans as he bottoms out. 

“I need you to fuck me so bad, baby.” And who was he to deny you? His thrusts are sharp and pierce right through you. “Right there, baby, so so good.” Your encouraging words spur him on and he goes at a faster pace.

“Tell me I’m the only one.” He mutters as he kisses your neck. He was still feeling a little self-conscious after the whole Sunghoon incident. To think that you could be taken away by someone else makes his heartbreak, he needs the reassurance.

Bringing his head up and cupping his cheek you stare lovingly into his eyes, “You’ll always be the only one. I don’t want anyone else. I need you.” 

Jaeyun practically growls as he picks up the pace again. You’re trying not to moan loudly but he’s hitting all the right spots and it’s got you gasping. His hands are roaming your body, gripping and grasping at every part of you, the action will leave bruises and he’ll apologise in the morning but right now he just needs to feel you.

“Even if Sunghoon wanted you?” he asks quietly and you shake your head immediately. Never for a second would you even spare any time of day for the other, not when you had Jaeyun. You were going to have serious words with yourself once you’re done. You made Jaeyun feel insecure, you’re the reason he’s doubting himself like this.  

“He could never love me the way you do,” you bring your lips to his ear, “and he certainly couldn’t fuck me the way you do.” 

Pure fire and passion rise through Jaeyun’s body. His thrusts go harder and faster, he places your legs on his shoulders and drives in deeper. “You take me so well, Princess. I love you so much.” Jaeyun might have been fucking you like he was a man possessed but his kind and nurturing personality will always come through.

He was perfect.

You clench around him, “Jaeyun, babe, I’m so close.” Your nails are digging into his arms. 

“Me too, Baby.” he kisses you gently, “Come around my cock, show me how good I make you feel.” Jaeyun might be the sweetest man alive but he is still a man after all, always trying to get you to boost his ego. And you come around his cock hard, your chanting his name mixed with a few ‘fucks’ and ‘oh gods’ in there. 

Not letting up, Jaeyun is still pounding into you, “Good girl.” he mumbles into a kiss. It doesn’t take long before he’s spilling into the condom. “Fuck, Y/N.” His moans are loud and desperate as his hips still. “Fuck, Princess. So good.” He lazily kisses down your neck whispering sweet ‘I love yous’ and ‘You’re so perfect’. He wanted to revel in the moment, his cock was softening in your walls as his lips graze every inch of your skin. 

“I love you, Jaeyun.” He looks up at you with his big puppy eyes and all you can see is love held within them. You could cry. This is the man you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. You know it.

“I love you too, angel. So fucking much,” He kisses you deeply, “Let's never fight again.” Wrapping your arms around his shoulders you nod and continue to kiss him. “You’re it for me, Y/N.”

“Sim Jaeyun if you have a girl in here-” His dad barges in, ruining the moment between the both of you. Jaeyun jumps up and covers himself and you with a blanket. Mortified doesn’t even begin to describe how you feel. “Y/N? Is that you?” his dad questions trying to see your face which is hidden behind Jaeyun’s blanket.

“Hi, Mr.Sim” Your head pops up and shyly wave a hand. “How’s it going?” 

“Dad can you like, leave, please.” Jaeyun wants the world to swallow him whole. He has always been so careful not to get caught. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell his parents it was just that they would never let you stay over again if they knew he was fucking your brains out every time you stayed over. 

Mr. Sim runs a hand down his face and squeezes his eyes shut before wagging a finger between you and Jaeyun, “How long have you…how long has this been going on?”

“About two years.” Jaeyun shrugs and mumbles. He wasn’t going to say your 2 year anniversary was a pebble throwaway, he didn’t need specifics. “We’ve been dating for 2 years.”

“2 YEARS?” Mr. Sim’s eyes widened and his mouth slacked open. “2 years and you haven’t told us? You know we would never stop you from dating someone.” he scoffs, “2 fucking years and you didn’t tell us.” 

Your head is hanging low, Jaeyun notices your discomfort, he always does, and he reaches for your hand under the blanket and gives it a squeeze.

“Dad we didn’t mean to keep it a secret from you or mum. I’m sorry.”

“Me too, Mr. Sim.” You squeak out. 

“Don’t,” Jaeyun’s dad starts, “Don’t keep things like this from me again.” A smile crawls onto his face, “especially if it’s Y/N. You know she’s like the daughter I always wanted.” His eyes soften as he looks at you. 

You were so close to Jaeyun’s family after spending 3 years living between his house and yours. His parents knew your favourite foods, what made you tick, and how to cheer you up, they even invite you over on Christmas Eve for a pre-Christmas celebration. His family loved you, you were never scared of receiving their approval, deep down you knew you always had it. “Get some sleep. I’ll talk to your mum. And Y/N?” Your head shoots up, “Please tell your parents. I’m sure they’ll take it well.” He nods his head and leaves to go back to bed. 

Jaeyun turns to you and a roar of laughter erupts from him making you playfully smack his chest. “That was so embarrassing.” He wheezes. 

“I am never coming back here again.” You hide under his blanket, giggling. 

You spend the rest of the night cuddling Jaeyun, feeling complete bliss. When you woke up the next morning you received a text from your mum.

Mrs. Sim told me. Jake is NEVER allowed to sleep over again, do you hear me?

I’m happy for you both.

You smile and snuggle deeper into Jaeyun’s embrace. The sun lights up the room, landing perfectly on your boyfriend's face.

________

As your high school life was reaching its end you found yourself searching through college brochures and websites trying to find anything that sparked your interest. That was your problem, you weren’t interested in anything, not anything that you could make a career out of anyway. Jaeyun was what you were interested in if you had to be frank but considering he’s a broke almost 19-year-old you couldn’t exactly become his trophy wife, but god did you wish life was that easy sometimes? 

Jaeyun had applied for Apollo College situated in Busan. His dream was to become a mathematical physicist which has been his dream since he was like 10 years old. Honestly, his dedication and passion for the subject made you fall in love with him even more every time the boy would get so hyped when he spoke to you about it. Fair enough you found the subject so boring but something about the way he spoke about quantum theory or one of those old dudes that are plastered on his physics textbook made the subject come to life. He worked immensely hard to even get the grades to get into Apollo, and you couldn’t be more proud.

“What about applying for Apollo? They do some ND-level courses?” Jaeyun says as he scrolls through his phone. He has been trying to help you pick a college for over an hour in his bedroom. You both agreed Busan or somewhere close would be the best option since you both couldn’t imagine doing long distance. ‘It wouldn’t work, I would miss you too much.’ Jaeyun has pleaded when you were entertaining the idea of looking at some in Seoul.

“Babe I am not applying for a smarty pants college.” You laugh and reach for his face taking his glasses from his face. “Although,” You place the glasses on the bridge of your nose, “I would look good as a woman in STEM.” A smile creeps on your face as you seductively look over the frames of the glasses and see Jaeyun bite his lip. Never once has he uttered it out loud but he does have a thing for you in glasses, a fantasy of dressed in only them as he fucks you until they’re steaming up slithers into his mind more times than not.

“My girl looks good all the time, but STEM would make me want to wife you up right then and there.” Placing his phone down beside him he leans over until his face is mear centimeters from yours. 

You know what he was looking for, that face of lust painted so obviously and god did you want to give into him, he’s irresistible. But it had to wait and you unsubtly let him know by placing your pointer finger on the middle of his forehead and push him back. “Jaeyun, this is serious,” you say pouting looking back down to the laptop in front of you, “I need to find a college or else I’m gonna be stuck here in my parents’ house forever, and only see you like once a month or something.”

“Y/N, you’ll find something in Busan okay? And if not I’ll look somewhere else. My grades are good enough to get in anywhere.” It's a subtle brag but you know he’s right, he might be the smartest person you know in all fairness but that doesn’t mean he can just give up his dream school that he’s spent countless sleepless nights studying to get into. His effort to get into this school more than proved that him not going sounded like the most ridiculous thing in the world.

“I am not letting you drop your dream college because I’m too thick to even get into one measly college. It’s your dream I’m not letting you ruin your chances.” You half-joke before Jaeyun speaks up again. 

“You’re my dream, Y/N. I’ll follow you anywhere you want to go. I’d give up anything for you, you know that.” His serious expression makes you a little uncomfortable. Hearing him say he’d throw his aspirations for you hurt your heart and you didn’t know why. Maybe because you spent your relationship with him watching him work hard for opportunities to enhance his future and in a millisecond he would give it all up, and for someone like you? It seemed ludicrous.

“Jaeyun don’t say that,” discarding your laptop and shuffling towards him you put your hands on his shoulders and squeezed tightly, “I didn’t watch you need an IV drip from studying so hard just for you to throw it away.”

“I might not get in.” And you laugh, your hands loosening from his shoulders to cup his neck.

“You’re a shoe-in, baby.” A smile forms on Jaeyun’s lips at your encouragement. You always wondered why your boyfriend had such a hard time believing in his own abilities, if it was possible you wish he could see himself through your eyes, maybe then he’d understand how truly remarkable he is. “I’ll find a college, don’t worry.” Bopping his nose with yours you take the glasses off your face and place them on his nose. “Let's look at Yangsan-Si, it’s only 30 minutes away from Apollo. I think they have that independent college.”

Looking up at your laptop you feel Jaeyun’s puppy dog eyes on you and you turn around to see him still in the same position, “Babe? You okay?”

“I mean it, Y/N. Anything you want, I’ll do it. If colleges in Busan don’t work I’ll find somewhere else. Take up an apprenticeship or whatever.” 

“Jaeyun, it’ll be fine!” You try to lighten up the atmosphere but his face is stern and his body is tense. “What are you so scared of?” your voice is shallower than usual trying to read him but it seems impossible. 

“I don’t want you to leave me, and that’s what long-distance means right? We’ll keep up talking the first few weeks, then we’ll be too busy to talk every day so we Facetime for what? 30 minutes every weekend, then we just stop talking altogether and turn to texting because it’s easier. You’ll find someone less clingy, more handsome, he’ll be there to give you attention and we’ll break up. I can’t watch that happen.” 

Smiling sadly you try to hide the burning feeling in your chest as you watch Jaeyun’s mind scramble and come up with this whole plot point you didn’t even think was an option. Does he think about you both not working out often? You etch forward and take his hands. “Jaeyun,” you say waiting for him to look at you before you continue, his watery eyes slowly look up, “I will find a college near Busan. I will be right beside you for as long as you want me. And we will never break up okay? You don’t have to worry about it.”

Deep down you felt his concerns too. And with him saying all this, talking about how long distance wouldn’t work, it made you start to overthink with what ifs. But right now you had to convince Jaeyun everything would be fine, convincing yourself in the process. 

His nod lets you breathe a sigh of relief and kiss him lightly on his plumped lips. “I love you so much.” His words make you smile and kiss him a little longer this time.

“I love you too. Now come on and help me get into college. I need that big sexy brain of yours.” Jaeyun’s heaved-out laugh hits your ears and you both spend the night applying for random schools, easing his mind a little.

________

Rejection. Rejection. Rejection.

Opening the next email you sigh, another rejection, your 7th to be exact. It had been two months since you applied for colleges in Jaeyun’s bedroom and time was ticking. You had 5 weeks to get accepted at the earliest, thats when Jaeyun was set to move to Busan, when you were moving with him.

You could never forget the day he got the acceptance letter to Apollo. There was a rapid chap at your door causing your dad to whip the door open angrily, “Who the fuc- Oh, Jake. What’s the big rush?” Your dad calmed down as he saw Jaeyun and his cheesy grin on the other side of your front door.

“Is Y/N here? I need to see her.” His eyes shifted to the upstairs where he hoped you’d be.

“Go on up.” Your dad's head flicks back in the direction of your room. Without a second passing, Jaeyun is taking his shoes off and running up the stairs, missing a step each time. “Who is it?” your mum says to your dad as he laughs. “I think Jaeyun got into college.” Your parents were so proud. Jaeyun had opened your door in a flash and saw you at your desk studying for exams. He examined you; your hair tousled, baggy sweatpants, and the old football jersey he gave you after he won his first game of high school. “Beautiful,” he muttered loud enough to gain your attention.

“Jaeyun? What are you doing here? I thought I was meeting you later?” He strides over and extends his arms sharply, holding an envelope in his hands. The action made him look so young and innocent, like a toddler proudly handing their mum a drawing they did in the nursery. Gingerly you take the already torn envelope and withdraw a letter.

“Dear Mr. Sim,” you read out loud, “We have received an overwhelming amount of applications for the Mathematical Physics BSc Honours program. We are delighted to offer you a place…” You trail off, “Jaeyun, you got in?” Re-reading the letter you squeal and jump up to hug him, “This is amazing, baby. I’m so proud of you!” You exclaim. Genuine happiness is felt between the both of you and Jaeyun’s grip tightens around you. “You fucking did it.” You whisper as he pulls away. His face is brighter than you had ever seen, his future coming together like perfectly matched pieces in a puzzle. You envied him a lot in that moment.

Snapping out of your memory you mutter a ‘fuck’ as you lock your phone and make your way to class. Apparently, you weren’t good enough for Busan, or Yangsan-Si, or Gimhae. Nowhere wanted you. The prospect of not getting into college suddenly weighed down heavily on your shoulders. You had picked courses about things you enjoyed through school, or rather, got decent enough grades in but it wasn’t enough. There were two colleges left that you are impatiently awaiting replies from. One a mere 20 minutes away from Jaeyun and one 4 hours away on the outskirts of Pyeongchang. Obviously, you neglected to mention this choice but it was apparently the easiest one to get into and you didn’t really think every single other choice would reject you having confidence at least one would offer a conditional place. 

There is only one chance. 

Walking somberly into class you see Jaeyun wave you over, his chair turned from his desk to face his friends beside him. “Baby come here!” He shouts over to you gaining attention from the other people in your class. The thing about Jaeyun is that he wasn’t quiet about anything, especially your relationship to many of the girls in your class’ dismay. 

Smiling at him widely, your once dampened mood is now gone. He had a habit of being able to do that. You go to take the seat next to his friend Jay but before you can pull out the seat Jaeyun is pulling you onto his lap and circling his arms around your waist to situate you in a comfortable position. 

“You guys are disgusting.” Jay groaned but Jaeyun paid no mind to him, kissing the back of your shoulder and smiling, giddy at intimacy.

“It's a good thing you guys are going to college together, think my man here might die if he isn’t with you for more than 3 minutes.” Kai chimes in jokingly, slapping Jaeyun’s right shoulder lightly nearly hitting you in the process. That sinking feeling in your chest slowly bubbles its way back up. 

There is only one chance..

“Yeah, he wouldn’t last a day if you were long-distance.” Jay continued on to Heeseung’s statement.

There is only one chance. 

“As much as I love you all saying my relationship grosses you out,” You start to stand up and remove Jaeyun’s hands, “I need to pee before class starts.” Hiding your discomfort from the conversation you press your lips to Jaeyun’s, “I’ll be back in a minute.” His hand trails down your arm and squeezes your hand.

Quickly you walk out of class and head to the bathroom to compose yourself. It’s not that you don’t think long distance could work for you, it's that you know long distance won’t work for him. All the previous conversations swirled in your head mixed with your doubts. 

A ping echoes in the empty bathroom and scramble to unlock your phone. You view the notification as it reads Mail: Offer Update: Kyungsung University. Your heart is in your throat as you read the outcome.

Rejection.

There is no more chances. Shit. You’re gonna lose him. The mirror before you shows the shell of a girl who just lost everything she loves in the space of a minute. Eyes red, lips trembling, a sob escaping your throat, you were crushed. I’ll follow you anywhere you want to go. I’d give up anything for you. Those were his words a few months ago with the weight of his intent still heavy. He would give it all up for you and that was a hard burden to live with. 

Another ping comes from your phone and you squeeze your eyes shut to get rid of the tears that blurred your vision. Mail: Offer Update: Avanti College.

Your eyes widen quickly opening the email.

Dear Miss L/N,

We have received your application. With much consideration, we would be delighted to offer you a place at Avanti College for the studies of Film and Media. As you would be aware our school terms start earlier than others, thus, we have sent you a link to our module assigning system for you to quickly choose your classes. These are filling up and you should confirm these as soon as possible.

We look forward to seeing you next month.

Yours Sincerely,

Mr. Suh Kyung Min

Head of Recruitment. 

You smile brightly as you read the email over and over again. You got in. Granted, film studies was the only course at this college with spaces left, but if you weren’t thinking about that, you could learn to love it. It was also 4 hours away from Busan. 4 hours away from the love of your life. Your shoulders sink down and the smiles fades from your face. 

You had two choices; tell him you didn’t get into college and have him drop out of his dream university, ruin his future, all for you, or, don’t tell him and go to college, leave Jaeyun without an explanation so he doesn’t destroy everything he’s worked for. That would mean leaving your family and friends behind too because they would cave in and tell Jaeyun where you went. If you just left without a trace he would have no choice but to go and live his future the way he was supposed to. 

The second option feels right. There is no way you are going to be the one to leave Jaeyun’s future desolate, you couldn’t offer him a future better than the one he had already set out for him. So you just won’t tell him. Did his happiness and future mean more to you than your own? Absolutely. And fuck did that stab you in the heart. 

Looking back in the mirror your eyes are drooping, depressed, void of any happiness you register now you have another choice; make this the best few weeks with Jaeyun, or slowly break away to make the situation easier on you both. Deep down you knew even if you stayed away during this period he would find a way to see you, so you accepted it, giving your undivided attention to him just as you have all these years. Give him all the love you have.

3 weeks. You have 3 weeks before you’re away to live a completely new life. You have to remind yourself why you’re doing this, why you’re hurting yourself by leaving your only love. It was for him, all of it. 

_______

Two weeks until you leave for Pyeongchang and you’ve gotten good at concealing any hurt you feel. Jaeyun kept asking if you heard anything from colleges but you just shrugged and changed the topic. He was getting suspicious but you just kept reassuring him there was still a month left and most of the colleges you applied for were clearance so they tend to do it last minute. 

With exams over and school finally ending the only logical solution was for your year to host a party. A BIG party. Now you all could legally drink it just meant more alcohol being brought and because the chances of you seeing any of these people again is practically zero, you really wanted to let your hair down. You spent most of these days in worry and dread that you didn’t just want to get wasted, you needed it. 

Ryujin and Yeji were on their way to pick you and Jaeyun up from his house - Yeji got stuck on DD duty after losing rock, paper, scissors and she won’t shut up about how unfair it is. Jaeyun was already dressed in his blue double denim outfit accessorised with a graphic white t-shirt, some old silver chains hanging from his black D&G belt, rings that you’ve felt on your throat more than once displayed on his fingers and a pearl necklace he got as a gift from Heeseung. His hair was bouncy and parted the way he liked it, with his forehead showing. Jaeyun was the most gorgeous boy you had ever seen and every day you noticed something different. Walking out of your bathroom you notice how his shoulders have gotten slightly broader.

“Have you been going to the gym?” You question nonchalantly as you fix your earrings, staring at him while he scrolls through his phone. He shrugs and continues with his eyes fixated on the phone. You huff, waiting for your boyfriend to notice you and the clear effort you made in your outfit. The gold two-piece you bought left little to the imagination and you felt so powerful and sexy in it. 

Dragging your tongue over your front teeth you walk behind him and rub your delicate hands on his shoulders. “You’ve gotten bigger, width-wise.” You flirt.

“Dunno must be all the extra lifting at work. Shits heavy.” He mumbles, liking pictures on Instagram as if you aren’t there. Usually, you would be offended but you learned that sometimes Jaeyun is just a little dense when it comes to attention. So you take matters into your own hands.

One of your hands never leaves his shoulder as you circle to his front, one leg hiking over so you can straddle his lap, head tilted as you wait for him to look at you. Finally, but not nearly as quickly as you want, he looks at you, his mouth open as his eyes trail up and down your body, absentmindedly locking his phone and throwing it not caring where it landed. “Fuck.”

You nod and smile coyly, biting your lip. “Do I look good?” Your fingers dance up his chest and wrap around his neck as you shift your weight slightly until you’re sitting right on his clothed dick. 

“Shit, Princess you look fucking ethereal,” Jaeyun says as his hands rub your arms until they find their way to your waist, “Do we have to go? I don’t want anyone else to see you like this.” He laughs and kisses your lips, his eyes looking up at you with adoration.

“Yes!” you exclaim, “I wanna get drunk and dance.” You shuffle off his lap and pull his hand so he’s standing. Instinctively, his arms circle around your waist. “Plus you get to tell everyone this,” you point to yourself, “is all yours.” Your boyfriend's eyes roll but he bites his lip, probably the sexiest habit he does. 

“Baby don’t tempt me, I’ll go into that party and put on a show so they know who you belong to,” You moan as his hands grab your ass, and his eyebrow quirks. “Oh? Do you like that idea? So I should just bend you over in the middle of it and fu-” Swiftly you clamp a hand over his mouth and laugh.

“Shut up. You know what I mean.” Now it’s your turn to roll your eyes. “You’re so horny all the time.” He shrugs again and takes your hand that’s placed over his mouth, kissing your palm before he intertwines your fingers with his. “We better head down and say goodbye to your parents.” Sauntering away he pulls you back and kisses you deeply taking your breath away. 

Jaeyun groans as he tastes your cherry lip oil, the same taste he’s had the pleasure of devouring for 3 years. Desperately his hand grabs your waist and pulls you closer. He can’t get enough of you and honestly, he doesn’t think he ever will.

“Jaeyun,” you whisper against his lips but he simply keeps kissing you, his tongue invading your mouth when you speak only making him crave you more. “Baby, we need to go,”

“No,” He whines and picks you up, your legs wrapped around his waist, “can’t wait to punch guys in the face for looking at you too long.” his voice whispers in between kisses and you throw your head back laughing. 

As your actions expose your neck he places kisses all over, focusing on a spot just above your freckle, a gasp escapes your lip. Jaeyun is sucking and biting at the spot and you realise what he’s doing and your eyes fly open, “Jaeyun!” you warn him but he keeps going and it feels too good to stop.

Pulling away he examines his work and smirks. A hickey. A big red soon to be deep black and purple hickey starts to appear on the base of your neck. “There.” He kisses it once and then proceeds to look in your eyes innocently. “Everyone will know you’re mine.”

Rushing to the mirror you see the red mark and sigh, half annoyed half amused. “What are you? 13?” A rumbled laugh comes from behind you. 

“Just possessive. Can’t have another Sunghoon situation now can I.” Jaeyun jokes but it makes you wince. You try to forget that birthday night as much as possible. “I can’t lose you. Not for anything.” His sweet words turn over in the acid of your stomach. You think about what you’re going to do just two weeks from now and you feel sick. You have to tell him, but you can’t. This is what’s best.

Putting on a facade you smile and kiss him on the cheek and walk by him. “That won’t happen, babe.” 

A honk from outside diverts both of your attention and you scurry downstairs, eagerly awaiting the party that lies ahead. 

Arriving at the party it’s already in full swing, classes from all over the city have come to celebrate the end of an era. Looking around at the dim lights, strobe effects, and some people making out in the corner you wonder if you were actually in a club rather than someone’s house.

“Who’s house is this?” You ask no one but Yeji turns around. “Kobayashi Daigo. Was in your class for like 2 years.” She laughs and shakes her head. In her mind, she knew she shouldn’t be surprised you don’t know him considering you only ever spoke to Jaeyun or your friends.

“I’ll get you a drink, baby, come on.” Jaeyun whispers lowly and guides you towards the kitchen, his hands on either side of your hips. There was something about his big hands on your waist that made your whole being melt and just follow anything he said. 

When you get to the kitchen you see a bottle of Tequila Rose with your name on it and as you pick it up there is a strong hand taking it from you. “Princess, you want a double?” Jaeyun takes the bottle and starts to pour his own and eyes you as he awaits your answer. 

“Double.” You smile mischievously as you watch the liquid pour into the glass. The pink drink is brimming to the top of a tall shot glass as you lift it to your lips, your eyes never leaving Jaeyuns’. “Cheers.”

“Cheers, baby girl.” He slams the shot on the worktop and then downs it, his Adam’s apple bobbing harshly as he swallows the soft shot. You can’t take your eyes off him as you swallow your drink.

“You’re so hot.” You murmur still looking into his eyes and he chuckles at your statement, pouring another shot.

“To us, to Busan, to forever.” He cheers and takes the shot of happiness, while you chug the shot down and it suddenly tastes bitter. You need about 15 of them to forget the man in front of you is the one you’re leaving. 

Suddenly it’s 3 hours later and you’re drunk, still aware, but are one drink away from hanxiety the next day. “Love, dance with me.” Jaeyun licks your ear and leads you to the middle of the living room which serves tonight as a dance floor. Pressing your body against his you start to dance to whatever pop song seems to be playing in the background, your hips swaying against him, your arse pressed to his groin and one hand reaching to the back of his head, the feeling of pure bliss overtaking you. 

You can feel his cock growing hard beneath you as you grind into him. You look up to him but his eyes are fixated on someone else at the other end of the room. Sunghoon. Internally you cringe thinking about what happened last time, and honestly, the black-haired boy has been nothing but respectful towards you after your birthday, but that doesn’t mean Jaeyun doesn’t feel his shoulders go rigid as he sees the attractive guy’s stare burn into you. Sunghoon's crush on you never left and Jaeyun was all too aware. He had to show Sunghoon you were his girl, so, Jaeyun’s hand slid down the front of you, his middle and forefinger dancing over your skin. “Jaeyun, what are you doing?”

No answer. But as his eyes fixate on the boys across from you, he smirks and slinks his fingers up your skirt, bypassing your underwear. A gasp suddenly leaves your lips as his fingertips ghost over your clit. “Jae…there are people around, let's go somewhere- '' A hard press to your core stops your sentence and you lose all sense of yourself, Jaeyun’s thumb now rubbing your nub. The music surrounding you is suddenly muted, and the air is too hot as two of his fingers invade your entrance hitting the spot that has your legs shaking. Jaeyun smirks as you try to hold your groan in, his eyes on a furious Sunghoon. It had been over a year but Jaeyun still liked to rub it into dear Sunghoon that he got the girl. “I’m serious, Jaeyun.” you whisper but his fingers only increase the pace, kissing your neck softly, tracing over his previous mark on occasion.

“You want me to stop, baby?” His voice is hoarse and mocking, and all you can let out is a moan, tossing your head back onto his shoulder, not caring if the whole party sees him touching you. His fingers move faster and with more urgency as he feels you clench around him. “Good girl.” thankfully the lights were so low and everyone was beyond obliterated due to the overconsumption of alcohol that no one was noticing, well, everyone but Sunghoon. “Come for me, Princess, show them it’s me that makes you feel this good.” His lips trace your ear as he picks up the pace, eager to get you off. His eyes are not leaving Sunghoons’. Your high comes crashing over you as his fingers hit your sweet spot and thumb traces your clit harshly, it takes every part of you not to moan like a common porn star. Sunghoon awkwardly coughs at the sight and turns away embarrassed and absolutely livid. 

You however are riding out your climax on your boyfriend’s fingers. “Fuck, Jaeyun.” you breathe out and he chuckles behind your ear, turning you around to face him.

“Good?”

“Fantastic.” You laugh until he sticks his fingers into your mouth, letting you taste your own release and you whimper, lapping his digits with your tongue. “So beautiful.” He whispers watching you.

This party was exactly what you needed.

________

Two days until you leave. There is an aching in your chest as you attend your job for the last time. It was a shitty convenience store job but you loved it deep down. The regulars, your boss, the people you worked with. You won’t miss the bright blue uniform though. You remember the day you told Jaeyun you got the job and he acted like you became the CEO of some high-end company. ‘My beautiful hard-working girl, I can’t even begin to describe the pride in my heart’ the memory of him picking you up and kissing you all over floods every inch of your body. The way he kissed you and the way his eyes sparkled as they bore into yours, that grin that was plastered on his face as he suggested congratulatory sex - he would use any excuse.

“Hey, sweetheart.” Jaeyun comes behind you wrapping his arms around you and his lips kissing your neck softly. You sink into him, his usual citrus with a woody undertone engulfs your senses. Biting your lip you try not to get caught up in this feeling. “Miss me?”

“Jaeyun I’m working,” Turning around you look into his big, shimmering eyes and suddenly regret everything you’ve been doing. To him, to yourself. He simply smiles and kisses you lovingly, one long everlasting kiss followed by small pecks, feeling his smile with each one. 

“You get off soon, just bail.” His plump pink lips trail down your jaw and land back on your neck. It's hard not to give in to him. 

“Baby, let me finish.” You pout and try to focus on stacking the shelves of the local mart. 

Jaeyun’s hands grip your hips harder leaning in to whisper in your ear, “I can make you finish if you want.” His teeth nip at your earlobe and you feel his smirk appearing. This boy will be the death of you. Jaeyun revels in the effect he has on you as he can almost hear your heart beating through your chest. He thinks only soulmates can notice minute things like that.

“I will attend to your every need when my shift is over, but for the next 20 minutes these cans of butter beans have my full attention.” He laughs and kisses you. 

“Butter beans…I love it when you talk dirty.” You slap his chest lightly and laugh. You’ll miss this. Maybe you should just tell him, to change your plans. You could find work in Busan surely. One look at him and you’d drop everything for him, hell, you were even planning to skip the end of your shift just so he could fuck you in his car. You needed him. That was the problem. You needed him, relied on him. 

Pushing the thoughts to the back of your mind you smile up at your puppy boyfriend and wrap your arms around his neck, “Sim Jaeyun you are the most infuriating person I have ever met.” 

The sun creeps in the shop windows and lights up his face as he smiles and pecks your lips. 

“You love me though.” He declares proudly, his teeth showing as he beams widely. 

“So much.” Too much. 

“Good, then hurry up and get this shift out the way so I can have you all to myself.” With that he kisses you, biting your bottom lip as he pulls away. Jaeyun finds you irresistable whenever he sees you and his heart bursts with pride that you are his. “I have a surprise for you.” His eyebrows raise cheekily as he bites his lip and he leaves the store in a hurry. He goes to double-check he has everything he needs.

While you were at work you had no idea Jaeyun was planning anything. 

Jaeyun phones Heeseung to check in and make sure everything is set up. Heesung doesn’t appreciate the interrogation considering the plan was actually his idea but he lets his best friend away with it considering this was a big deal for him.

“Yes Jake everything is set up, i followed your strict to-the-point plan exactly as.” Heeseung rolled his eyes affectionately over the phone. He loved Jaeyun so much, being the only one of his friends that left for college early was hard, but he came back when he could and he would be damned if he missed this.

“Thanks, mate. I owe you one. And the r-”

“In the glove compartment. I told you, everything is sorted.” Jaeyun exhales and checks the glove compartment to see the white box. It's prettily decorated in a pink bow with the edges dusted in silver glitter, “She’ll love it. You know she loves everything if it's got something to do with you.” Heeseung’s voice blares through the phone with endearment.

If there was one supporter of you and Jaeyun it was Heeseung. Every day he had to hear about you through Jaeyun, he felt like he was part of the relationship with you. He had to sit through Jaeyun describing every outfit you wore, every time you changed your perfume, and every new song you recommended because it reminded you of him, Heeseung has been through it all. "Jake, stop overthinking it, you guys are meant to be and if it doesn't then I don't believe in love" he laughs through the phone and Jaeyun joins him. It isn't a question in his mind if you're going to be with him forever, it's a fact.

"Shit, she's coming. Thanks again, mate." Jaeyun hangs up quickly, hiding the box in the pocket of his car door. You've changed into your usual jeans and t-shirt and to Jaeyun you look like the most beautiful being to ever roam the earth. "Hey, my love." 

"I wish you would have told me we were doing something, I would have brought nicer clothes with me." 

"You say that like aphrodite doesn't worship the ground you walk on even in jeans." Jaeyun passes off the comment nonchalantly but your heart flips within your chest. He had a way with words that no late teen should have the possession to have. Beautiful and gorgeous weren’t good enough adjectives for him to describe you, he always had to go a step further because to him you were worth more than compliments that are used on pets and under celebrities' Instagram posts. Even if he couldn’t fathom the right words to describe you he was still going to try his hardest to make you feel like the most exquisite human in the world.

As you buckle your seatbelt, face still flushed, you hear Jaeyun fiddling with the music. His car was a shitty little black 1998 honda civic he got for pennies from an uncle looking to make a quick quid. It was so old it didn’t have an aux but rather was graced with a cassette player. Jaeyun didn’t mind because it meant he could make cute mixtapes like in the old 2000s movies. One he even made for your road trip you took during Christmas break filled with all the songs that reminded him of you, most of them being love songs with the one accidental Hotel Room Service by Pitbull in there because he couldn’t figure out how to get it off. It soon became your song. 

“I think I’ve made the best mixtape of all time,” Jaeyun gloats as he wags the cassette tape between his fingers before slotting it in, “you will love it.” Jaeyun spent the good part of yesterday perfecting each song that went on it and always with you in mind. The first song that blared was ‘Love is All Around’ by Wetter. 

“My favourite song.” you mutter and look at him adoringly, noticing the smile creep onto his face clearly proud of himself. His hand clasps yours as he brings it to his lips and kisses it gently. 

“It’s slowly becoming my favourite too.” He turns to face you with love glazed over his eyes. You could cry right there. No one will ever love you as much as Jaeyun does. “You know they’re playing a show in Busan in the fall. If you want I’ll grab us tickets since we’ll be up there anyway.” His head turns to pay attention to the road, his hands not leaving yours as he moves the gear stick. Sickness submerges you and the colour rushes from your face. God, why are you doing this? This is so silly just tell him.

“Jaeyun I-”

“I’ll buy the tickets next pay. They’ve had tickets sat there for a while so I don’t think they’ll sell out within the two weeks.” He interrupts and in a way you’re thankful. Swallowing the lump in your throat you thank him and turn to look out the window, your hand still snug in his. Jaeyun notices how you’ve clammed up but he leaves it for now. He knows when to ask you if anything is wrong and it is not right now. 

The whole car journey takes about 32 minutes and Jaeyun held your hand and squeezed it intermittently for 31 of those minutes, that 1 other minute he used to take a few gulps of water. His mouth was dry from the anticipation, of going over everything he had planned in his head. It had to be perfect, you didn’t deserve anything less. 

“We’re here, Princess.” Jaeyun’s voice and the car coming to a stop pull you out of your thoughts and you smile softly at him. He puts a finger up indicating for you to wait as he gets out of the car and rushes round to your side to open the door, “Right this way.” One hand opened the door and the other elongated to point towards the grassy hill. Nothing was worse to you than walking up a hill but you’ll let it slide this once since your boyfriend has put so much effort into whatever this is.

Side-eyeing him you get out of the car trying not to fall which in your case happens far more often than you would like to admit, “Making me walk after a 6-hour shift should be criminal.” You say as a pout forms on your lips.

Jaeyun’s face however is beaming, “Ah see I knew you would complain about that,” He starts, “I’m going to carry you.” He kneels down in front of you with his back in your sight, “Hop on, baby.”

“You cannot be serious? Babe, you can’t possibly carry me up there.” His head turns and eyebrows furrowed as he stares at you with a look of confusion.

“Does my girlfriend not have any faith in her very strong and capable boyfriend?” One of his eyebrows raises as he scoffs seeing the look of disbelief written on your face. “Trust me,” he pats his back, “get on and have some faith in your man.” 

A genuine laugh erupts from you and you oblige with his instruction. Straddling his back you hook your legs around his waist as he hoists you up almost effortlessly, “Have you been working out?” you ask curiously. Lifting one arm and posing with it he says, “Babygirl I’ve been packing these guns since I was a kid, John Cena is jealous.” Placing your head on his shoulder you laugh and the sound fills his ears like music from angels. Jaeyun kisses your cheeks and points forward, “To the top!”

“To the top!” You mimic him and he goes forth. 

When you reach the top surprisingly with no stops, Jaeyun sets you down gently and you can see his arm veins popping from the tension of holding you up. They’re delicious and it’s the one thing you’ve never been able to get over about your boyfriend and he knows it. In school he’ll roll up his sleeves when he has the same class as you because he knows you’ll be staring, practically drooling over them. One time before coming over to yours he made sure they were protrusive, clenching and unclenching his fists and he was happy with the results of his endeavours, the night ending with you riding his fingers, gripping onto his arms desperate to feel his veins under your touch.

“Baby?” Jaeyun bends forward, his head tilted looking up at you, “you in there?” his hand waving in front of your face snaps you out of your memories as you smile and say a simple “Hmm?”

“I said ta-da!” He exclaims, hopping in his place and outstretching his arms. You follow his gesture and see fairy lights wrapped, or more so tangled, around two trees which illuminate the picnic blanket underneath, two baskets are situated on either side and a bouquet of flowers lies in the middle. You follow the trail of rose petals that lead up to the beautiful scene in front of you. No words can escape your mouth and Jaeyun starts to get nervous, rubbing the back of his neck and letting out a half laugh, half huff. “I know it’s cheesy and cliche but I remember you reading about it in one of your books and saying you loved the idea of a midnight picnic. I know it’s not midnight but-”

The touch of your lips on his cuts off his rambling explanation. Jaeyun’s hands settle upon your waist as he kisses you back sentimentally and with relief washing over his body. You liked it and that’s all that matters.

“Come on,” he pulls away and gives you his hand to take leading you up the petalled scattered path and you don’t take your eyes off him. Your heart is so full and it is breaking all at the same time, “I got you all your favourites; kimchi pancakes, tteokbokki,  some chicken and spinach samosas,” he continues listing everything he has prepared but you’re too infatuated by the boy who stand before you, his dark hair shorter than when you first met, the side parting of his bangs framing his matured face, those delectable lips that gave you so much pleasure over the years and whispers sweet nothings into your ears any chance he could. Your eyes travel down to his blue and white striped Ralf Lauren polo-necked jumper, he looked so beautiful, so unreal. He was yours, at least for now. 

“I love you, Jaeyun.” You blurt out not even meaning to, just pure raw emotion taking over your body. 

Jaeyun has heard you say it a thousand times but it doesn’t stop the hairs standing on his neck and the crimson flush kissing the tip of his cheeks. He noted the undertone was a little different this time, not like you didn’t mean it every time but that this confession was more purposeful than the others. He takes your hips into his hands and looks down at you. “I love you too, Y/N. So fucking much.” His heart swells so big he thinks it might rupture. The next kiss he gives you has you tearing up. It’s so amatory yet pure, he truly loves you and harbours deep feelings not even psychologists could explain, it was more than consummate love, it’s nothing that can be theorised and dissected. It's yours and it's his. And in 2 days you were giving it up. After pulling you down on the blanket Jaeyun starts to unpack the picnic baskets. The smell invades your nostrils and your mouth waters. Everything looks so good. 

Jaeyun notices the hearts in your eyes as you stare at the food. He has to thank Jay for cooking it all when he sees him next. His chopsticks pick up the tteokbokki and hover it in front of you, “Here, take a bite, baby girl.” and you wrap your mouth around the delectable food you know he didn’t make. Jaeyun couldn’t so much as cook a simple lasagne without burning it and setting off the fire alarm. Suddenly a laugh leaves your mouth and your boyfriend cocks his head, “What’s so funny?” Waving your hand dismissively in front of him. The image of him wafting a green and yellow dishtowel under the alarm to clear the smoke is imprinted in your brain. It was the first time he cooked for you, your 100-day anniversary dinner turned into his dad airing out the kitchen and giving a long lecture about how Jake needed life skills. “It’s nothing, I’m just happy.” you say honestly. You were so happy here with him.

He hums and you continue like this, eating and laughing under the twinkling lights. As the food diminishes his heartbeat gets louder, more rampant. The reason for this grand spectacle of a date finally showing its head. “Um, Y/N?” His voice is nervous and you put down your plate giving him your undivided attention. 

“Yeah?” Noticing the sweat start to collect on his forehead you start to get worried. Did he know? Was he about to confess that he knew your plan all along and he actually did all this to convince you to stay? Is he giving up everything for you? Or is it simply too warm on this May evening?

“Hoo okay so,” He starts and turns his whole body to face you, taking your smaller hands in his shaking ones. “I love you, so much, and uh, okay um,” Jaeyun had planned this whole speech with Heeseung playing you in the scenario, the elder threatening to put on a wig and some eyeliner, “I need to get into character!” he had proclaimed. 

Even after all this preparation he still wasn’t sure what to say to you, he forgot all his words as he looked at your golden hour-kissed face that was staring back at him. 

He inhales deeply and calms himself pushing out the air slowly. “I love you, and I have ever since that first day at school.” His eyes flicker down to the necklace he got you for your birthday and then meet your eyes once more, "you took the breath from my lungs and to be honest, every time I look at you I still forget how to breathe. I don't know if there is such a thing as soulmates or twin flames or even matches made in heaven but baby you're all of them to me. I curse the stars every night because they get admired for being so beautiful yet you're the brightest one in the universe, you're my sun, my moon, and all the stars. You deserve all the admiration they get and if I can spend the rest of my life looking at you and studying you like I'm some astronomer then I know I've lived my life well."

A pause, two hearts beating rapidly, enough love shared between you both it could probably initiate world peace. 

Jaeyun takes out the box from his pocket and gives it to you. His hands are shaking violently. "I want you to know I'm so serious about us, Y/N." Taking the box from his hands it's now your turn to shake. "Open it." he huffs out, head dizzy.

Peeling off the baby pink bow and lifting the lid you see two rings and two keys. The rings are small, and silver, and there is a mid-sized heart on it which contrasts the thin band. Glancing up Jaeyun scoots forward and takes the left ring out, "Before you freak out I'm not proposing," a half-hearted laugh leaves his mouth as he takes the ring between his thumb and his pointer finger, never taking his eyes off it, "This is my promise to you that from now until forever, I am yours. A pinky ring," he takes your left pinky and slides it on slowly, "until I can get you a wedding ring."

Tears are streaming down your face as you laugh at the adjusted lyrics he's managed to embed in his speech. The ring fits so perfectly on you. Jaeyun had them handmade and saved up every bit of his wages to get them. They were simple because at the end of the day, he's still only shy of 19 and hasn't exactly got cash streaming in but for you, it's more than enough. Enough to show his undying and devoted love to you. 

"And this," he picks up one of the keys, "is the key to our flat in Busan. I know we should be living in dorms but I struck a really good deal with a sweet landlady. Don't think I could go a day in this life without seeing you, and if we live together then I'll see you all the time." Jaeyun smiles sheepishly looking at the key as he places it in your now ring-cladded hand.

Don't think I could go a day in this life without seeing you.

The tears streaming down your face once ones of happiness are now overbearing with sadness. You were letting this almost too-perfect boy go, all for the fear of losing him in the long run. It didn't make sense but it was too late. Your mind made itself up. It was easier to leave him now and cut ties than watch him break away from you piece by piece. Surely that hurts more.

Fixing your gaze on the key you sob and Jaeyun starts to panic, "Baby listen if it’s all too fast we ca-" 

You forget how many times since you've been dating that you interrupt him just to kiss him but here you are for the nth time. You're cupping his neck as your thumbs situate themselves on his cheeks and he feels the cold ring against his skin, a small smile appearing. 

Your hands find their way to his shoulders and massage them lightly. Jaeyun doesn’t beg for any reassurance because in his mind this is enough. Your kisses and touch are enough of a yes for him. 

Jaeyun suddenly picks you up and carries you back down to the car. “I need to make love to you so bad but it won't be in a car.” His voice is disappointed but you knew Jaeyun wasn’t a big fan of fucking in the car. You’ve done it twice before but to him it didn't give him the space he needed to 'do you right'.

The car journey is filled with silent but desperate touches. Jaeyun is speeding to his home recklessly, all he is thinking about is you. He glances at the pinky ring and smiles; you are his, and he is undoubtedly yours. 

As he parks in his garage and you both make your way up the stairs you feel him pawing at you desperately. Jaeyun pushes you into his room, his lips on yours messily and needing. 

“Princess,” He groans as he feels your hand press against his groin, “you’re dangerous.” 

You laugh, the last genuine one you’ll let out for a while you think. This will be your last time with Jaeyun, you decided on the way to his home.

His hands grab the collar of his t-shirt and yank it off in a smooth motion, leaving his bare chest in your eye line, the hickeys you gave him last week faded but still scattered. Quickly, he bends slightly, gripping your ass tightly and picking you, his lips all over your face. He lets a quiet ‘so beautiful’ escape his mouth. 

“Jaeyun, fuck I need you.” He nods into your neck, gently putting you on the bed, his chest not leaving yours as he feels up and down your body. 

“I know, Princess, you’re gonna be a good girl, and wait though, yeah?” The arrogance in his voice just turns you on more, declaring that you’re his good girl in a huffed-out moan that gets him out of his trousers in record time. The button of your jeans is undone and he tugs them and your underwear off, leaving you bare. “All mine.” he whispers to himself as he kisses up the inner of your left thigh, lingering longer the closer he gets to your center. 

It’s so wet, desperate for his touch it’s like it’s crying for him. “You’re so wet baby, don’t even think I need to prep you.” He presses a butterfly kiss to your clit teasingly and you rapidly shake your head.

“No, Yunie, please.” You slip out the nickname that only seems to come out when your brain is so fogged in want that you can’t even say his name in full. His breath hits your sensitive spot when he chuckles at how desperate you are. 

His hands crawl up to the top of your thighs to hold them down and open as he nibbles gently at the sensitive skin of your inner thigh. Your hips push up, seeking his mouth where you need it most. Jaeyun presses soft warm kisses across your core before tracing his tongue slowly upwards. 

Your hands find their way to his hair, gripping harshly as you plead for more. Being the perfect boyfriend he is he complies, groaning softly as he feels your desperation in your fingers tugging his hair. “Tell me what you want, love. Tell me what you need.” His voice is low and husky, his tongue working you faster awaiting further instructions. 

“F-fingers. I want your fingers.” All sense of shame leaves your body every time he fucks you, not caring if you sound needy. 

His tongue slides over your clit, hearing your plea, then gently moves his right fourth and middle fingers up to your heat, circling your entrance. “These fingers?” His mocking tone causes you to groan in aggravation, just yearning for him to do it. He swiftly pushes them inside you, opening you up. He watches for your reactions to make sure it’s pleasant for you and by your open mouth and head thrown back, he’s okay to continue. They hook into you and move back and forth in a smooth and sensual rhythm, touching you the way you like it.

Feeling your walls contract he knows you’re close to the edge, “Gonna cum on my fingers baby? So soon?” He inserts another finger which only adds to the pleasure running through your veins, the stretch feels magical. 

You’re a moaning mess as he finds your sweet spot, thrusting harshly as he works it. “Let it all out, Princess. Show me how I’m making you feel.” His voice alone could send you tipping over, but it’s his tongue flicking your clit and sucking it that had you screaming his name loud enough for the whole house to hear. He doesn’t stop you, loving the sound of his name falling from your lips. “That’s it, angel, doing so good for me.” The three fingers continue inside you, helping you ride out your orgasm. 

Panting, you get up on your elbows and look down at him, his mouth glistening with your release. You stare at him a bit longer, mentally capturing the image and keeping it locked away for a day until you need it again. On a day he isn’t with you. Any day after tomorrow.

“You’re so hot when you cum like that. Like I’m the only one that can do that.” Jaeyun mumbles against your skin as he kisses from your thigh to your stomach. His mouth feels the vibration as you laugh and he looks up, puzzled.

“Jaeyun, you’re the only person I’ve had sex with, of course you’re the only one that can do that.” He looks down at your stomach and laughs with you. Before the next sentence makes you feel like you’re stomach is in knots.

“And I’ll always be the only one, until the day we die, you’re mine forever, Y/N.” It’s innocent on his part but you feel sick as his kisses return to your abdomen. He won't be the only one you touch and you won't be the only one to touch him. “You’re thinking about something,” He doesn’t look at you but lays kisses on your chest and neck until his eyes find yours, “Tell me.”

His iris’ bore into yours and you push down whatever thoughts you have, determined not to ruin your last night with him. “Just that I want you to fuck me.” The back of your hand strokes his cheek and a flip switches inside him that went from concern to lust. 

Grabbing a condom from your drawer he slips it on with earnestness. 

The head of his cock is suddenly at your pussy, sliding up and down. He slaps it a few times against your clit, his signature move and you can’t get enough of it. “Say please and I’ll think about it.” There he was, typical Jaeyun, but you knew he was just as needy as you were at this point.. As you let out a whispered ‘please’ he kisses you, his tip penetrating, “Good girl.”

A deep breath leaves him as your walls squeeze him. He’s slow and teasing, filling you up slowly at first until he can’t hold himself back and his thrusts become more urgent, determined to make you feel good. Your combined moans echo around the room as you both lose yourself in the moment of the intense act. 

Jaeyun’s left hand finds yours, clasping tightly as he fucks you hard. A loving smile plasters over his face when he looks down at your joined hands and feels your matching pinky rings sit next to each other, his love for you so evident, so pure, even in this lustful moment. His heart is filling with adoration for letting him be yours. Bringing your hand to his face he kisses your pinky tenderly. 

Your body is so overcome with love and emotion that you start to cry, crying over the love you have for him, the love you’ll lose. 

“Hey,” His voice a whisper as he stills in you, “Princess, are you okay? Did I hurt you?” The concern in his voice drifts through our ears and you move your head from side to side. 

“No baby,” He hasn’t hurt you, but you’re going to hurt him and it makes you cry harder. “I love you so much.” You sob and laugh knowing how ridiculous this looks on the surface. Jaeyun smiles adoringly at you, the hand that once held yours now wiping your tears away.

His lips kiss the apples of your cheeks to clean the last bit of wetness and sighs, “You had me worried, sweatheart.” He brushes your hair off your face and says, “I love you too. Till my last dying breath.” A sob leaves you again but Jaeyun’s soft thrusts bring you back. 

As his hips find the perfect rhythm again your worries leave you for the time being and focus on how good he is making you feel. “S-so good.” 

“Yeah?” The cocky face he has falls into a pleasured one as your cunt squeezes him tight, “Jesus fuck, Y/N, take me so well. Love you so much.” The way the raw emotion is pouring out of him you beg yourself to do something reckless.

“The c-condom.” You say breathlessly and he slows down, one of Jaeyun's eyes opens

 as he comes out of his aroused daze and mutters a ‘huh?’, “The condom, take it off.” His eyes shoot open and he stops again to your annoyance.

He re-adjusts himself, his hands placed at each side of your head. “I don’t think I heard you right.” Jaeyun was always cautious, always careful. Not once, despite his sometimes desperate need, has he ever fucked you without a condom. “You want me to fuck you without it?”

“I need to feel you.” His cock sits half in you making it easy when you slip off him, “I want to feel it all.” He leans in with his forehead against yours, his breathing ragged and his chest moving fast. “Please.”

Running a hand through his hair now perched on his knees above you he thinks about it. “You’re still taking the birth control?” He sees you nod and point to your desk where you keep all your medication. “Every day.”

He huffs and mutters, thinking about what consequences could come from this. 

“Fuck it.” 

You smile at him, grateful. If this was going to be the last time you had him, you needed to have him completely without barriers. He peels off the wet condom and throws it in the bin beside your desk before crawling forward back on top of you. “You sure?” Nodding you wait for him but he doesn’t move, “Use your words, Princess.” His hand holds your cheek as he awaits your verbal permission.

“I’m sure, Jaeyun. Fuck me.” It’s almost like the first time you had sex with him when you lost yourselves to each other, a new experience to share. Another first.

After your confirmation, he slowly enters you again and Jaeyun wishes he had done this sooner, feeling every bump of your walls cuddle his cock overwhelms him and he lets out a low groan, almost collapsing on top of you and cumming right there and then. 

You match his experience, feeling pleasure like never before. “Jaeyun…” You slip your hand down to circle your clit but he slaps it away, “Nu-uh, mine.” His possessive tone and his raw cock have you convulsing around him, two seconds from bliss. His middle finger rubs up side to side on your hard sensitive nub, exactly what you were going to do but better, and you cum for the second time, but this wave so hard that the breath is knocked from your lungs. 

Jaeyun doesn’t let up, feeling your raw pussy cumming around him only has him striving for release, the sooner the better. If he doesn’t cum soon he might get addicted and never let his dick have a rest. “That’s it, baby. So fucking beautiful when you cum on my dick like that.” His thrusts get sharper, more determined, and focused as his head falls back, “You’re so fucking perfect. Made for me, only me.” You cry out as he continues to rub your clit and pound into you, he’s overstimulating you but you don’t care, you need it. 

“Cum inside me baby, fill me up, please, please.” You grab his face and stare into his beautiful big eyes and he cums. So deep. So beautiful. You feel every drop coat your walls, giving you the feeling of utter bliss. His mewl is loud and his hips stutter inside you, continuing to spurt his seed like an ever-going fountain, he doesn’t think he’ll ever stop. 

“Fuck, Princess. Pussy is taking it so well.” Jaeyun’s kiss is welcomed on your lips as you smile, aware of the cum leaking past his cock inside you and onto the sheets. 

As you both regain composure and your eyes meet you both laugh loudly, his body weight falling on top of you. “You’re fucking incredible.” He kisses along your breasts for a while before easing his cock out of you, the sight of his white cum dripping from you almost makes him hard again. He is so pathetically in love with you, and this just made him wish the ring he gave you was an engagement one.

His hands reach out for yours as he stands up, “Come on, Princess, let me get you cleaned up.” You take his hand gladly but he abruptly lifts you bridal style and stares at you, “I’m so happy you’re mine.”

_____

The next morning you wake up with your boyfriend's naked body draped over you, his ring shining in the sunlight. This is it. You had one more day with him but after last night you couldn’t risk another second with him. Every inch of your body is saying your reasoning doesn’t make sense. If you were so in love you could make long-distance work. But you had made your bed so now it was time to wallow in it. 

Busan will have lots of pretty girls, far more spectacular and interesting than you will ever be. He’ll be fine. Deep down you know this will hurt him but Jaeyun is strong, he’ll get over it. 

Getting dressed quietly and stealing glances at his sleeping figure you hold in tears. You’re so stupid for this. You’re leaving the love of your life because you’re scared of losing him. 

Silently, you slip the ring off your pinky finger and place it on his dresser. The thought of leaving a note crosses your mind but as your boyfriend stirs you realise there is no time for that. You need to leave while you can.

As you sneak out the front door, the sun is shining but there is a bone-chilling breeze that cuts through you, you know it’s going to pour down later. Your phone vibrates with an email from your college. During the night you emailed to ask if your accommodation would be ready earlier and you presume this is the reply.

Mail: From: Avanti College RE: Housing Enquiry.

Dear Y/N L/N,

I am responding to your inquiry regarding accommodation. The room is available as of today, however, there is no concierge available to give you your keys. Your assigned roommate has been made aware of your occupancy and is expecting you today and will let you in. Please collect your accommodation key on the date previously arranged.

Kind Regards,

Cho Min Woo

Head of Accommodation and Living.

You let out a breath you never even realised you were holding. It’s now you against the world and a roommate you don’t know whether hates you for intruding early or couldn’t give two shits. Making your way home you start to run, you need to grab your bag, book a bus, and go. No looking back and definitely no overthinking. 

Thankfully you took the liberty of packing earlier in the week so you could make a mad dash out the door if needed but you still had to let someone know where you were going. The last thing you needed was your face being posted all over socials on missing persons blogs, they didn’t need to think you were dead. So when you enter your bedroom you grab a pen and pad that are sitting on your desk and scribble a note to your mum and dad. You don’t go into detail, just the basics saying you need a fresh start in a new city. You contemplate whether to include the college but they’d just drive up and drag you home, or worse, tell Jaeyun. 

As you sign the note with your name you’re holding your breath and tears. No more seeing this room, or your parents, or Ryujin, or Jaeyun. You fucked up so bad but you need to see this through. For your future. If you give up on your plan now you really don’t have a future and you’re stuck here, and to you, that is scarier.

_______

Incoming Call: My Love <3

Missed Call (67) My Love <3

Missed Call (34) Dad

Missed Call (23) Mum

You sigh and turn your music up. The bus is fully loaded as you managed to book one of the only two coaches leaving for Pyeongchang. Your hands are shaking as you click on the messages sent by Jaeyun.

07:30 am Princess, where are you? 

07:30 am Are you coming back to bed? xx

07:49 am Y/N I’m getting worried

07:52 am Pick up your phone baby please talk to me

07:52 am If I pushed you too far yesterday I’m sorry…

08:16 am Why are your parents saying you’ve left?

08:16 am Baby don’t do this

08:17 am What does your letter mean ‘I need a fresh start from everyone and everything’

08:17 am You aren’t leaving, right? You’re not leaving me, are you?

08:23 am Please please please

The messages continue down the same route until the very last few sent only minutes ago.

10:32 am I will search every part of this country until I find you

10:32 am You can’t expect me to just forget about you? Will you please answer your fucking phone?

10:34 am Y/N…I can’t make you answer me, or love me, but just know I love you and I’m sorry for whatever I did. I’m leaving for Busan in two weeks. Come home then and you won’t hear from me again. Don’t leave your parents like this baby they can’t lose you.

10:34 am I can’t lose you but if it's what you want…I’ll go.

A new message pops up on the phone from Jaeyun as your eyes are blurred with tears.

10:41 am: I love you, I won’t ever stop. My heart is yours, always. Until the sun stops shining.

You let out a sob so loud the whole bus turns to you. Putting a hand over your mouth you bow in apology and proceed to block everyone’s number, when you get to Pyeongchang you’ll get a new phone.

________

Jaeyun’s heart hasn’t stopped breaking since you left. He thought you were happy about your future together, all for you to have planned a whole other life without him. It hurts. Physically and emotionally he doesn’t have the courage to do anything but try and understand you. 

Did he read you wrong? Did he force this foreseeable life on you? Did you just not want him? It’s impossible for him to comprehend and it’s driving him crazy.

As he pulls up back to his house he sees Heeseung’s car in the driveway. He can’t deal with this right now. He loved Heeseung of course but he just wanted to go home and try and think through everything that had happened this morning. Sighing, Jaeyun makes his way up the stairs, ignoring his parent’s questions of ‘Where have you been?’

“Jake my man! Tell me how it went, you went radio silent last night, I’m presuming that meant it went well.” Heeseung says wiggling his eyebrows as Jaeyun walks into the bedroom, his head hung low to hide his swollen eyes. “Jake? You okay?” 

It’s a question he doesn’t know how to answer so instead he tilts his head back to stop the tears and exhales loudly. “Did-” Heeseung stands up and cautiously makes his way over to the younger, “did she not like it? What did she say?”

Jaeyun looks everywhere but Heeseung, his eyes hazed with tears and then he catches a glimpse of the ring on his table. Uncontrollable sobs leave him and Heeseung brings him forcefully into a hug. “She left.” 

The worry that was on Heeseung’s face quickly changed to astonishment. He was flabbergasted by Jaeyun’s statement. “Jake, what do you mean she left?” 

“Me, us, her family, she left everything behind.” The crying only got louder the more he spoke, muffled by his best friend’s chest as he nuzzled in further for comfort.

“Let me call her-”

“No use, she won't answer. She’s going straight to voicemail. Not even her mum can get a hold of her.” Jaeyun steps back and fetches the note from his jeans pocket and silently hands it to Heeseung. As Heeseung reads the letter, Jaeyun walks towards the ring and picks it up, anxiously biting his lip as he looks at it. His promise to you lying in the palm of his hand. Jaeyun starts to remember all the times he spoke about marrying you, even when people said young love doesn’t last you both just shut them out. A part of him wonders if they got in your head and he was too wrapped up in everything he didn’t notice, didn’t give you the reassurance you needed. But then, wasn’t this ring reassurance enough?

“What the actual fuck!” Heeseung exclaims, pulling Jaeyun out of his trance. “Jake…fuck, what the fuck is she thinking?” Somehow Heeseung is more angry than Jaeyun. He grips the letter tight and waves it in the air, “So she didn’t accept the ring?” The glint from the silver flashes in front of Heeseung as he stares with wide eyes.

“She accepted it. Last night went better than I could have imagined,” Jaeyun starts, “It was this morning she left.” A slow tear falls from his right eye as he finally makes eye contact with his best friend. “What did I do, Hee?”

Nothing. Heeseung knew the puppy-like boy had done nothing wrong. With two long strides, Heeseung pulls him back into a hug and almost crushes him with the pressure. Jaeyun liked hugs like this the most, ones that had intent and emotions. Heeseung was fuming and Jaeyun was breaking. Fire and Ice reacting to the same situation.

“You did fuck all wrong, Jake. I don’t get what's going through her head.” He huffs and pushes Jaeyun so he is arm's length away, his hands gripping his shoulders as he stares into his eyes, “You did everything right, she’s just-”

“Don’t. Don’t say anything about her okay? You don’t know her. She wouldn’t do this without a good reason.”

“And what? She couldn’t tell you what the reason was and instead pussied out and left? She should have told you she was leaving last night before she got your hopes up and accepted that ring, no?” Jaeyun knew Heeseung was right but his love for you was still as strong as ever so his instincts kicked in to defend you.

“Fuck you man you don’t get to speak about her like that. I might not understand it now but I don’t doubt in my mind she did it for a reason she thought was valid,” Jaeyun is pushing Heeseung out the door, his voice low, dangerous, “She wouldn’t have told me last night to protect my feelings.”

Heeseung looks his friend dead in the eye, a flame behind them Jaeyun hasn’t seen before. “Yeah? How are your feelings right now then? Do they feel protected?” Silence. The whole house is still as he scoffs and sticks his tongue in his cheek. “Think about that.” 

Heeseung storms out of the Sim residence and Jaeyun slams his door. How could Heeseung say that when he doesn’t even know the reasons behind your departure? Jaeyun is envious of him in reality. He wants to be that mad and get out all his feelings. But for now, he’ll wallow in this hurt for a few more days. Everything will come crashing once he leaves for Busan to your shared- 

His flat. 

[dreamlessimp]

— intermission

summary: you go to reo’s house for a movie night. during one particularly dull moment, the late night forced out a question that had long been on your mind.

warnings: mikage reo x gn! reader, blue lock not mentioned, sfw, reo becomes the biggest flirt, reo carrie’s you, 1.3k words, pure fluff

you jogged up the steps to reo’s ‘house’, shivering in your light jacket. once at the door, you rung the doorbell a few too many times, anxious to get inside and away from the relentless cold winds. you’d been to his home many times and your awe pertaining to his family’s wealth never fades.

“would you like me to get the door, young master reo? your friend is here.” ba-ya called out to the purple haired boy.

“thanks ba-ya. i’ll get the door for them.” reo responded, rushing to get to the door wanting to greet you first. he swung open the door and pulled you inside, shutting the door swiftly so as not to let more of the cold air in.

“t-thanks reo.” you said, pulling off your shoes and hanging up your jacket. “am i late?”

“well we’re not on a time limit. but, no.” he answered, guiding you to his room to prevent you from getting lost. “was it cold?”

“yeah. i walked here and nearly died.” you gave an exaggerated shiver.

“come on. my room’s much warmer!” he flashed a bright smile, bringing far too much color back into your cheeks.

you followed him into his room, and you swore your mind was playing tricks on you. how many turns were there again? you decided that without reo, you’d get lost in his mansion forever.

once there, you ignored the enormity of his room as you always tried to do, wanting to spare him the obvious and awkward questions. 

instead, you noticed the couch pulled closer to his huge tv. you ran over to it once you noticed the blankets folded on it’s side. as you expected, they were insanely soft.

“do you want to make popcorn?” he asked, thinking it bets to have something to snack on during the movie, whatever was chosen.

“yeah. i’ll make it for us both.”

he nods with a smile. “deal. follow me.”

you follow close behind him again, and end up in the kitchen after walking for far too long. 

considering you’d only been there a few times, you had no idea where to find anything in his kitchen. “reo.”

the purpled-hairs boy had been sitting on his counter scrolling through his phone. “what’s up?”

you cringed. “where are the pots? and popcorn?”

“oh” he laughed, pulling everything out from their designated cabinets. “when you’re done, just leave them in the sink.”

you nod your head and turn on the stove. it’s a short job, and you leave it up to the oven not long after.

“you did awesome at your game yesterday.”

he gave a grateful smile, bowing his head. “thanks, i’m glad you could make it.” his voice gave away the honesty in the statement, your heart leaped knowing that he really was glad you were there.

“yeah, your second goal was probably the best in the game.” you say, pleased to see his eyes light up.

“thanks! me and nagi have been working on that play for a couple weeks.”

soon, the popcorn had completed its popping and at least 90% was popped. you gave it a minute of careful studying before dumping it all in a bowl and setting everything you used in the sink, which seemed to clean dishes automatically.

he guided you into his room quickly, him happily holding the bowl of popcorn.

“what movie do you wanna watch?” he asked, sitting in the very middle of the couch scrolling through his favorite streaming service that you failed to recognize.

“not sure.” you said, muffled by the blankets. you were trying to bury yourself underneath the monstrous pile of comfort. “your choice, whatever sounds best.”

“okay.” he clicked on a random movie he’d once heard of, and skipped the trailer.

it was some kind of romance where the two love interests met in college. it didn’t sound all that interesting, but reo chose it based on its high reviews. 

the beginning of the movie had been tame. you two had finished the popcorn early on, and were both sitting criss-cross-applesauce on the couch. you were both resting on the couch’s backboard, the blankets beneath you instead of over your legs.

it was almost exactly in the middle of the 3 hour-long movie that it got interesting. you and reo sat on the edge of the couch, leaning closer to the tv as if that would make the moment even more intense. 

you’d both begun to feel passionately about the characters rather then the plot, and this moment was high-stakes for your shared favorite.

he grabbed your arm and lightly shook it as if it would emphasize the moment. 

and then, it was over. 

reo let go of your arm and release a large sigh of relief as everything turned out fine.

too fine.

in the minutes after, the movie went downhill. it had clearly peaked far too early, and had begun to fall flat. 

soon, you had groaned for the third time and reo had apologized for his choices for the second. 

you quickly became all too aware of the silence. unfortunately, you took it upon yourself to fix it.

it was probably the boredom. or you just wanted to break the silence. maybe it was the late night.

either way, a horrible question was dragged up from the depths of your mind.

“have you ever dated anyone?” you asked.

shit. of course he had.

he was mikage reo after all. he was heir to a ridiculously huge company. he had good grades, he was athletic, and was friendly to everyone.

then there was his looks, which did nothing but increase how amazing he was.

“ho, i guess not.” he turns to face you, eyes obviously serious in the room’s darkness. “why?”

“huh. i’d have thought you’d dated many people. you’re so good-looking it’s kinda weird.” you froze. you could have sworn you were never that bad with words.

“wait, sorry—that sounded mean.”

“i guess.” he pauses. “i’m waiting for someone.”

“oh. so you do want to date someone?”

“yeah.” he clears his throat, only thought in his head being; ‘fuck it.’ he turns to face you. 

“you.”

wait. fuck. 

that should have been much more romantic. he curses himself out, face burning with an awkward, but hopeful smile.

“i’d date you too.” you say, trying to avoid eye contact.

‘well.’ reo thought, ‘this could certainly be made more romantic.’

his hand moved to hold the side of your face. he was aware of his probably bright-red face, but that only made his smile larger. the movie is long forgotten as he uses his other hand to lightly pull your shoulder, bringing you even closer.

you manage to compose yourself for just long enough to wrap your arms around his torso, forcing him to meet you in the middle.

the two of you let yourselves fall back against each other as your hands meet and intertwine. in the warmth and subtle background noise of the movie, you allow yourself to comfortably fall asleep on his shoulder.

reo fell asleep not long after you, his hand never leaving yours.

when the movie ended though, he knew he couldn’t stay in the same position for the rest of the night. he was aware that his shoulder likely wasn’t the softest pillow.

it had already been decided that you would be sleeping over, and he had asked for an entire bed to be brought in for you. 

slowly removing himself from your hold, he silenced his laughter as you fell sideways onto the couch as your support left.

then came the best part. he carefully picked you up from the blanket to which you’d been on. he was meticulous to make sure you didn’t hit anything and he slowly lifted you up, and carried you over to the second bed.

your sleeping expression had remained content and still the entire time, giving him a proud sense of accomplishment when he found he hadn’t woken you up.

he lifted a fluffy blanket over most of your body, and quietly walked to his own bed, allowing your dreams to replay the events of the night.

[meowkusunoki]

t3 cover wishlist

dividers

haruka

A Guide To The New World

good morning, new world. i breathe in and out as i shoulder my persistent habit of self-deprecation and decide to regard my life up until yesterday as the old me. i’m not good enough. i’m completely overshadowed. i want to be like you.

Undead Alice

“live by feeding on me, since you can’t die even if you want to.” everyone except us is crazy, even though your echo can be heard by everyone. every time i ask for ideas to hurt myself, i breathe in happiness and breath out poison. the ideal junkie, doesn’t it feel good that only the two of us are normal?

yuno

Sad Girl Sex

sad girl sex, pow-pow! RIP to naivete, how come i’m the lamest? so this love’s something that can be filled by sleepin’ with somebody? no, it's not!

sad girl sex, pow-pow! love, it squashed me, i still feel it inside, just as i imagined, this hell, i can’t go back, your shut down sucks, it’s killin’ me!

Addiction

leaving me alone after getting bored of me makes me sad. putting © beside the feelings i gave you. a masterpiece of a great nuisance, you should choose the title you like for it.

lock-on to the soul addiction. the warmth of a hug isn't denying the bad. no life or death, without you here. it doesn’t matter how many times, is it ok to smell it?

lock-on to the soul addiction. i can’t feel anything alone, but i guess that’s obvious. solve the problem within yourself. it doesn’t matter how many times, is it ok to smell it?

Cinderella

hey, i want you to tell me how i should act in this situation. hey, i just want to go crazy with the words like “i love you”.

so irritating!! hello to the unfortunate me, i’m confused, hate it, hate it! so irritating!! messed up bangs, getting angry, annoying, annoying!

no no no, i want to say “i love you” when i’m cuter! no no no, it’s not okay, i’ll go back to a cocoon and try again!

fuuta

Chimera

aw, i just want to invent myself! i’m a cute chimera sewn crooked ←new!! expectations and pressures were the blueprint, i’m a cute chimera made from sucking xxx ←###

aw, i just don't know who i am! i'm a cute chimera who's changed ←new?? that blotchy pattern was a message, i'm a pretty little chimera made to be desired ←♡♡♡

muu

Theory of Negativity

i say “i’ll just die,” but am i really even alive in the first place? even if you get fed up with someone and start treating them poorly, since nothing will change, 'i want to change’ is the only wish i want granted.

“is that all?” you said, laughing at me, but even you have a ton of weak points. if only i could say 'stop it’ before it overflows, isn’t that right?

Ghost Rule

"mayday!" feel free to berate me, if honesty seems like such a wonderful thing. hey "mayday!" bring down the gavel and seal my fate, i who've chosen to act spoiled to the end.

"mayday!" expose me for what i really am, for this world is about to meet its end! hey "mayday!" dance with me! did you actually realize "i" was never truly here to begin with?

Aitai-liens

you throwin’ around that “later!”, such a bitch ass move, you deserve happiness, not! bad-bye-bye still addicted, but actin’ stupid, and pretending to be a good girl, ha-ha!

“hello earthlings, aitai-lians, we are.” “love us, you did, aliens from afar, we are.” goodbye to “want you”, a loversaurus, i wanted you to be the hero of this story, you know.

shidou

Cosmic Rendezvous

everything i thought i did for you, it was actually all for me, to realize that now, i mean, how thick am i? here, take all of my oxygen, so in exchange, please please wake up.

i wanna dance with you, forever, i wanna poke fun and play, forever, this sucks so bad, this countdown to bye-bye, not long now till it runs out, fxxk. hey, take me with you to the other side, “together forever” like on a playground, laugh around but seriously, what’s up with my wish not coming true? fxxk.

mahiru

Otogibanashi / Fakery Tale

the space between today and yesterday, a slightly lonely place, a somewhat kind and gentle one as well, i want to go there.

you appear countless times, crying as you say “goodbye”...

if it all became a lie, that would be just fine, that goodbye you said while having shed those tears. don’t cry with that ashamed face, i want to forget it all and go back, i beg of you...

Zombies

“i want to die, i want to die” but wait, you’re already dead! but “i miss you, i miss you” won’t disappear. pain, pain, doesn’t go away, tell me why, tell me why? only loneliness remains.

waha! we’re zombies, zombies!

stitch the wounds, apply the honey, 100 times, outfit to fall in love; rub the wounds, suck the honey, 100 times, i want to fall in love!

kazui

Pseudo-Hope Syndrome

okay, i will be more responsible, so please don’t abandon me. i can’t even remember how many pinky promises i made with you, oh no, i can’t move anymore, how many pinkies do i have to cut off? i just started to realize now.

it’s okay to shed some tears if you wish to, and if it eases the pain, let’s dilute today with tears. how many times do i have to repeat this?

oh, i was so naive.

Relationship Scramble

in that case, we might as well go the distorted route, as that feels more right. it still hurts so much even now, with no sign of going away. i yearned so much for that "correctness," to the point that it breaks me down. next time, i'll just continue hiding my true desires and pushing forward with my false love, for someone's sake.

amane

Dilemma

take that! bang bang bang! don’t play around, how much i’ve done for you, you probably don’t even know, you don’t even know, you don’t even want to know.

take that! bang bang bang! you’ll go to hell, why don’t you say something? but can’t go back, we can’t come back. heal it, heal it, the after-effects of your “love”

this one sided love is tough, please text me later the instructions to forget you.

Poison Apple

you say no, but you say you love me, i can’t keep up. you’re the one who took your leave, hey, are you out of your mind?

you make me laugh with your “sorry”, serves you right, always self-centered. on a different note, your tear-stained face, it kinda tickles me the right way.

no more, not any more, you really should stop. no more, not any more, i’d get so ripe. i just can’t!

mikoto

(Not) A Devil

the maliciousness of the quote “it’s for your own good”, salaries exploited by the line “your dreams will come true”, ah, highly addictive things always hide a trap. my soul’s been reaped, how nasty, how nasty.

my radiant halo is closing in around my neck, it loosens when i lie, i can’t call out "sos". let’s cover it up in white paint, let's get lost in the parts we're playing, it gets easier when you lie, go on, try it!

My Name Is (this one is mostly vibes)

recently i’ve been saying it over and over, you know. that name of yours, it’s not a lie, is it? recently it was like: 'i’m sorry, ah, you are?' “i won’t tell you my name!”

my name is… my name is… my name is nowhere to be found. my name… my name… wishing that no one would call it out…

for some time i’ve been running away, from the tears of you that had become weak and lacking in courage. sinking into that montblanc, the sweet-toothed me had tried to make my escape.

kotoko

Mosquito

please give me a love like that, if you want to go further. you might say "no," but i’m not too sure. regardless, i can't stop anymore. you think that’d be a waste? can't you just weigh it in terms of the pros and cons?

if this is a dream, then you’re able to dream. the more certain things become, the cloudier it gets.

in the end, i'd much rather be alone, 'cause i don't need you anymore. i just can't taste your heart racing. in any case, in any case, you're the only one getting high, no?

[hanafubukki]

Lilia Vanrouge’s Flower Bouquet Meaning

Twst Bdays Flower Language Masterlist

Lilia, in true Lilia fashion, surprised us all with news of his birthday card release. I wasn’t expecting his card to release for another few days at the least. But of course, he had to go against those expectations. 

As Lilia is one of my faves of twst, I will be writing a lot more than I usually do and will be adding possible theories along the way and mentioning Book 7 and other cards that have been released, so heed spoilers for book 7.

At first glance, his happy smile and the pinks and greens of his bouquet stood out to me. After book 7 release, it was nice seeing seeing him happy. 

As I looked further into his bouquet, I kind of wished he had more flowers but that's more of a personal preference. The flowers and foliage they have chosen for him though fits him perfectly as you will see. It’s full of meanings that really personifies what we know of him so far and some of the symbolism found in his bouquet can possibly give us a clue as to what’s to come in the future (please my heart). 

Some observations from the get go, Lilia’s flowers are mostly pink and green. Usually, Lilia has a habit of being a mix of pink and blue as a homage to Sleeping Beauty and the Fairies.

In this case though, you see that Lilia’s bouquet mainly consist of pink flowers. As Lala and I discussed, it seems that to us, this bouquet shows that he is not in between anymore. As if he had finally made a decision, and if we consider what happened in book 7, maybe it is a sign that Lilia had decided to leave NRC. 

Now of course, we don't know for sure what is going to happen in book 7 and this is all theorizing, but considering that Jamil is his interviewer and DUO. It makes sense if they went this route. Jamil and Lilia both have something in common and its that they want/love traveling. So it would make sense, if Lilia decides to leave NRC after talking about his traveling experiences and wanting to retire to do so.

Now another color we see is green, which can represent the green fairy, but as mentioned before usually Lilia can’t decide between pink and blue. Hence his shoes in his Union Birthday card. The one time he did choose green over pink and blue was in his SR groom card when Silver and Sebek couldn’t decide between Pink or Blue that would fit him best suit-color wise. Though technically, Lilia does have all the colors of the fairies. The pink and greens in the bouquet and his clothes are blue, representing all three. 

In the SR Groom card, Lilia had a flower with his green suit which was a White Rose. In Flower language, the White Rose can mean protection, truth, purity, and honesty. Additionally, white roses can also mean remembrance and reverence. It can also convey respect, pays homage to a new start, and expresses hope for the future. With the new content drop, it is rather telling isn’t it? In Japan, white roses have additional meaning of devotion and innocence.

On another note, I am curious to see his groovy and his flying capabilities given that in book 7 he said his power was depleting and he couldn't teleport anymore. Though, birthday cards can’t be taken seriously when it comes to time continuity anyways, but seeing him flying in the groovy will bring aches of pain and tears to us, the viewers, given what we know for now. (I know I will, that’s for sure!)

Now, onto the flowers 🌺💕💚

[As usual, my disclaimer from before stands, flowers have many different meanings depending on region and color, so the meanings I have might differ from the meanings you know]

His flowers are kind of hard to tell, so I put whichever ones I thought they might be. Get your hearts ready and anything you have that you can yeet that has Lilia’s face on it because this Fae just...you’ll see.

Flower Colors: 

Pink Flowers: Giving thanks, happiness, gentleness. Pink flowers are usually given on Mother’s day because of these associated meanings. As Lilia can be seen as a parental figure/father to Malleus, Silver, and even Sebek at times. It fits, wouldn’t you say?

Lavender/Purple flowers: Success, royalty, admiration, and tradition.

Green Flowers: Health, resilience, good fortune, and youth. Lilia and his always trying to be cute antics and Silver always wishing for his father to be healthy (don’t look at me, I am swimming in feels).

Bouquet: 

Pink Roses: gratitude and admiration, for those that you appreciate the most. Get well, healing, I’m sorry.

Pink Carnation: Thank you, I will never forget you, heartfelt gratitude 

Peonies: Good luck, prosperity, also know as the ‘king of flower in Japan’ and is known for bravery and honor. Peonies can last over a hundred years, often outliving the ones who planted them. (Which fits Lilia, doesn’t it? How many loved ones has he outlived?) 

White Roses: Reverence, remembrance, homage to a new start and expresses hope for a new future, devotion and innocence. (Man, my heart.)

Amaryllis: to sparkle, pride, strength, determination. These flowers blooms every year despite looking frail and it doesn’t take much to have them grow year after year. An interesting story is about a maiden who fell in love with a cold hearted man. She pierced her heart with a gold arrow and visited his cottage. After 30 days, her droplets of blood became beautiful flowers and the man fell in love with her and she was healed. Another type of Amaryllis is the cluster ones, we know it as the spider lilies. Common ones are the red spider lilies which is basically a red flag because it it means usually death and last goodbye. In this case though, it is pink meaning love and passion.

 Butterfly bush: rebirth, resurrection, and new beginning. (possible tie in with book 7? Most likely considering the theme and the fact that Lilia is slowly dying. This flower gives me hope)

Hops: These are said to have divine powers that give deeper insight of dreams while sleeping. (which is very very interesting considering the possibilities). Other meanings: injustice, pride, healing, sleep, and mirth.

Purple Bell Flowers: Elegant, wealth, gratitude, and faith.

Baby’s Breath: everlasting love, be present in this moment, breathe, love.

Lavender Sprig: Calmness, devotion, silence, purity.

Gerbera Pastini Venezia:  Hope, perseverance, always moving forward, Gratitude, devotion, sublime beauty. (Thank you @irafuwas​ and this post for the info  ☺️🥰🌺)

Random Fact: Anniversaries could also be considered, since its the 3rd bdays for all the boys, their flower will be Sunflower: strength  be well, happiness, male healing, confidence, self-esteem, assertiveness. Sounds just like them, doesn’t it?

Credit: Thank you to Lala (@/mobagehellocal) for her help as always. Please go talk flowers with her too. We love talking about them. 🌺🌻

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for never coming home or writing letters?

Why, hello everyone. So, I am not usually the type to talk about stuff like this, so please bear with me if this isn't as coherent or easy to read as other posts here. It's just that after a younger friend of mine told me about this forum I got interested. Y'know, went some pent of feelings, get some outside perspectives… Might be nice.

So, I (M, late teens) don't live with my family. In fact, I haven't been for years. When I was in middle-school I had a, let's call it, 'revelation' that I just didn't feel happy at home. See, I don't wanna brag, but I've always had a certain talent for sorcery, and my parents did value that. Just… Not in a way I felt comfortable with, I suppose. Thinking back, the attention and expectations they placed on me felt suffocating. I was expected to invest a lot of my time into studying the family craft, specifically dark magic, which never really was my "thing" to begin with. And when they didn't have me study, they would have me fight exhibition duels against the heirs of other clans as a show of power. For a while, it felt like I had no control over my life whatsoever. I tried to lock myself in the manor's kitchen or run off into the woods to relief some stress by baking or feeding the forest animals, but… doing that would always net me severe scolding punishment. I'd rather not go deeply into that part.

I suppose one day I just couldn't take it anymore. I took the advice of a child even younger than I was and left the manor, traveling the continent with nothing but the clothes on my back until I managed to get myself enrolled in a magic academy far away from my family home. And, I'll be honest, I never really regretted doing so. Ever since that day, I've felt so much more in control of my own life, so much more alive than I ever did when I lived under my parents' roof. I've been able to make a name for myself using my magic the way I want to and specializing in the things I like, and I feel I've really done well for myself. In all honesty,nothing I've done would bring my clan name into disrepute, quite the opposite, actually! But… I wouldn't know how my parents think about that.

I haven't been in contact with them since I've left. Not even once. I've thought of sending letters, but I wouldn't know what to write. After all, even know that I'm fairly well-known as a sorcerer in my own right, I still have no intentions of inheriting the family estate or carrying on the legacy of dark magic our clan is known for. So if I tried to contact them, what would they do? Would they ignore my letters? Would they reply with anger? Would they send an envoy to attempt to retrieve me and bring me back? Frankly, I'm scared. I could probably fight any hired sorcerers they send my way off easily enough, but… That's not what I want. I don't want to go back. There's nothing I want to do less than go back to the way things used to be before.

I guess what I'm trying to say is… I never meant to cause my family grief. But lately, I can't help but wonder if that is what I'm doing. I was the only heir, after all. I am happy with the path I've chosen in life, and I'm convinced it's what I needed to do for my own sake. But I also find myself wishing I could share the happiness I've found away from them with the people I had to leave behind… And I hate the thought that they might be hurt because of me. And sometimes I wonder if I'm not a little at fault for how things turned out after all, in a way.

So… What do you people think? Please, don't hold back. I expect your honest feedback.

~L.

[sneezingfetishftw-fics]

Insufferable (7/7)

At long last, Vox's suffering is complete! (For this fic anyway lol, I'll probably torture him again later). Enjoy the final chapter.

Previous chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6

Wavs: 1 3

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“Are you sure you’re going to be alright, Amorcito?” Val asked, stroking Vox’s arm. 

Vox shook his head. “You can’t come along, Val. It would make negotiations even more tense, and that’s the last thing we need.”

“Do you want me to…” Velvette started. 

Vox shook his head, then winced from the pain of moving it. “Someone needs to keep running the company while I’m gone.” He sighed. “You’ve done well so far, just… heh’tzzzzch! Just keep it up. I’ll be fi… hi… hih… hih’TZZZZZSCHT! I’ll survive.”

“Alright, but if you’re not back by tomorrow I’m coming after you!” Velvette said, her expression intimidating despite her stature. 

Vox chuckled. “Deal,” he said, walking out the door. 

The walk to the hotel was every bit as awful as Vox had expected. To make matters worse, it seemed the trees had chosen today to release all their fucking pollen. There were several times Vox had to hypnotize someone who witnessed his disheveled state, and having Alastor go through his body to do the hypnotizing was a thoroughly unpleasant feeling, like someone crawling under his skin and pushing all his organs out. He may have wanted Alastor inside him, but not like this.

By the time he finally arrived at the hotel, Vox was an absolute mess. His suit was wrinkled from doubling over with the more intense sneezes, his screen was dull, his movements were slow and weak, and he was pretty sure his voice was shot too, if he still had his voice at all. 

Charlie did a double take at the door, closing it in shock for a moment before she finally left it open long enough for Vox to speak. 

“Greetings, your Highness. I… Hhhhh’tzzzzzmp!” Charlie raised an eyebrow as the sparks flew. Velvette had finally managed to teach Vox how to use a handkerchief, but that didn’t stop the old television in the lobby from shorting out. “Excuse me,” he said, trying desperately to find his usual charm and professionalism. 

“Bless you, Mr. Vox. What are you doing here?” Charlie asked, staring at him with pure confusion. 

“Please, call me Vox.”

“Yeah, what are you doing here?” Vaggie repeated, staring with more hostility than confusion. 

Vox sighed. There was no point tiptoeing around it, especially since he didn’t know how long his voice would last. But he was a businessman, he knew the importance of selling to his audience, so taking the right angle was important here. Vaggie would see through any bullshit—the main thing that mattered to her was honesty. And Charlie? The bleeding heart was so big on her sleeve it’s a wonder her arm hadn’t fallen off. He died a little inside as he realized what he had to do. Loathe as he was to appear weak, there was no doubt that groveling and being pathetic was the best way to tug on those heartstrings. 

“As you may have noticed, I’m not exactly in the best state at the moment,” he began, breaking into a coughing fit that he let drag on for longer than it would have naturally. 

“I can see that, but uh… why come here?”

“Well, uh, it’s kind of a long story, but I am looking specifically for your heh… heh…heh…heh…heh’TZZZZZZSH! For your help, Princess.” As he dragged out the buildup a little longer, he wondered whether this was the right move. Would Charlie be grossed out by his illness? But the sympathetic look on her face told her all he needed. After a moment, her face shifted to one of realization. 

“Oh! Alastor said to expect a visitor. Someone who wanted to try redemption? Was that you?”

God fucking dammit. Of course Alastor would have said something like that. Now he had to pretend to be caught up in Charlie’s hippie nonsense… on second thought, maybe not. The doubtful glare from Vaggie reminded him that even the smoothest of lies wouldn’t work. And it’s not like Alastor would step in to help him with hypnosis here. Vox was saved from his musings by a wracking cough, one so awful on its own that there was no need for exaggeration. 

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry! Here you are standing in the doorway, when you must feel terrible! Please, come in! Can I get you some water?” Vox nodded weakly as he stumbled in. Technically he probably could have walked better than that, but there was no point spending the effort when appearing weak gave him an advantage. Vaggie gave him the side-eye. It was clear she wasn’t 100% convinced. He took a long gulp of the water, disappointed that it did nothing to soothe his throat. Maybe Charlie would get him some tea later. He wouldn’t be the one to ask, though. He was already about to ask for a lot. Charlie opened her mouth to speak, but paused as Vox had an absolutely horrendous sneezing fit. He had thought it was bad on earth getting illness and allergies at the same time, but there was no doubt that it was far worse in hell. To add to his frustration, Charlie had a ridiculous determination to bless every single sneeze. Vox wanted to claw off his entire face, resisting the urge only because he lacked the energy. 

After he was finally done sneezing, Vaggie broke the silence. “Alright, Vox. We know you didn’t come here just to look all gross and pathetic. What do you actually want?”

Vox frowned as he realized his voice was gone. Why now? Ugh. He deliberated for a moment, then smacked the side of his head, hoping to Satan it would work this time or he would look like even more of a fool. Thankfully, that seemed to have done the trick. “As you might have guessed, I’m sick.” Vaggie rolled her eyes at the obvious statement. “What you might not know is, Alastor did this.” He grimaced with the restraint it took to not curse his rival. “It was a targeted virus,” he said bitterly. “Not contagious,” he added as an afterthought upon seeing their concern. 

The pair stared at him for a while. Charlie spoke up first. “You want me to… talk to Alastor?”

“Not quite. I already talked to Alastor. He agreed to… hi’tzzzch! He agreed to remove the virus if I do a favor for you. You decide the favor.” Charlie’s eyes opened wide in surprise and excitement, then she got a look of intense concentration as she tried to consider how to handle this power. Vaggie’s eyes narrowed, and it was clear to Vox that she saw through the power play here. Still, that wasn’t enough reason to refuse what could be a very advantageous deal. The hum of fans echoed through the room as Vox awaited his fate. 

“It starts with sorry,” Charlie said. 

Vox raised an eyebrow. “That’s it?”

“She said it starts with sorry, not that it ends with sorry, dumbass,” Vaggie corrected. 

“Be nice, Vaggie, we have to assume he’s trying. But yes, you make a good point. You can’t just say sorry, you also have to not do those things in the future.” Vox opened his mouth and Charlie quickly added, “Before you go claiming that that’s not one favor, keep in mind that… bless you! Bless you again! Oh dear, bless you!” She realized Vox hadn’t been opening his mouth to protest after all. After a few minutes of sneezing and blessing (seriously, did this girl never get tired?), Charlie resumed her speech. “Uh, as I was saying, this can be defined as the following single favor: repent.” Vox thought he caught a glimpse of Charlie’s horns peeking out on that last word and he gave a shudder which he managed to pass off as a shiver. Pissing off the princess of hell definitely seemed like a bad idea. 

“Right, um, uh, of course, Princess. Repent. Yeah, that makes sense.” He found himself stammering awkwardly as he grappled with the idea that Charlie could tear down everything he’d built. Could he refuse the deal and accept being sick forever? At Alastor’s mercy forever? No, that had to be worse than whatever Charlie would ask of him.

“What, afraid of a little redemption?” Vaggie asked, finally cracking a smile as she saw the fear he no longer had the energy to hide. “It was good enough for Sir Pentious, the demon you sent here to spy on us and then told to kill himself.”

Vox winced. That one really stung. But he knew it was deserved.

Angel walked into the living room and froze. “What the fuck is Vox doing here?” He glared at the TV demon. “Please tell me you didn’t bring Val.”

Vox shook his head, then cradled it in his hands as he felt the ensuing dizziness. Before he could speak, he found himself in another long sneezing fit. Angel’s expression gradually changed to one of amusement. It was rare to see the CEO so vulnerable. A nice change of pace. 

“Vox here is trying his hand at redemption!” Charlie answered, beaming. 

“Only because he wants to get out of being sick.” Vaggie amended, frowning. 

“Redemption is redemption, even if the motive is less than perfect,” Charlie insisted. 

Vox groaned, dreading this whole negotiation already. “Just tell me what you need me to do,” he said, the resignation in his voice even thicker than the congestion. 

Angel strutted over, seeming to have gained a little more confidence from the whole situation. “How about you start with removing those cameras you put in my dressing room?”

“He WHAT?” Charlie asked, revealing her horns fully this time. 

Vox tried to smooth down his suit as he thought this through. He’d never really cared for the cameras anyway - as much as he loved having eyes on everyone and exerting his control, he knew Angel Dust was Valentino’s plaything, and Vox would be lying if he said he wasn’t sometimes jealous of the attention. At the same time, he knew Val wouldn’t give up that power so easily. Vox thought back to the events earlier today. Wait, hadn’t Velvette seemed especially mad at Val? Maybe she knew something Vox could use as leverage against him. He sighed. “Consider it done.”

Angel rolled his eyes. “You really think I’m going to just take your word for it?” he asked, holding out his hand. 

Vox groaned (more from the effort of moving than anything else) and took Angel’s hand. “I will remove the cameras from your dressing room as the favor for Charlie.”

“Nice try, asshole,” Angel said, refusing to shake. Val may have gotten one over on him years ago, but he knew better now.  “Don’t forget the part where you also prevent cameras from being added back there later.”

Vox nodded wearily, too focused on wanting to go home to have the energy to argue. He updated the terms of the deal and shook Angel’s hand. 

“Wait!” Charlie’s voice rang out, but she was too late. A crackle of electricity arced across Angel’s arm, and the porn star jumped back in shock. 

“Sorry,” Vox said with a sniffle. “Forgot to warn you about that side effect of making a deal.” Wait, a sniffle? Was he still sick? Was Alastor a fucking liar?

Alastor entered the room, the ever-present smile on his face looking quite smug. “Now, this is an interesting bit of contract lawyering, isn’t it?” All eyes were on him. 

“What do you mean?” Angel asked, shaking out his hand in an attempt to get it back to feeling normal. 

“Quite a few deals going around here. I made a deal with Vox that relies on Vox making a deal with Charlie. Then Charlie discussed potential terms of that deal with Vox. Vox then made a deal with Angel that claimed to fulfill the deal with Charlie. But does that really count if Charlie didn’t give her explicit approval? And if not, then should that deal be discarded?”

Vox groaned. “This is giving me a headache. Stop being a show off and just give us the fucking answer already.”

“Now now,” Alastor said, smile burning brighter, “is that any way to treat the person who’s in charge of your fate?” Vox frowned. “As for the deals at hand,” Alastor continued, “let us return to Charlie. Charlie, do you accept this deal?”

Charlie shook her head. “The favor was to repent. I’m sure Vox has quite a bit more he’s guilty of so I’m not ready to close this deal just yet.” Alastor nodded approvingly. The girl was learning. Probably not enough to be wise to Alastor’s tricks, but she was learning nonetheless.

The room was uncomfortably still as Charlie contemplated her next move, the silence punctuated only by Vox’s sneezes and coughs. Finally, she had an answer. “Apology letters. To everyone in this hotel.” Vox scratched his chin and absentmindedly mimed typing. “Handwritten.” Handwritten? With these claws? That was torture in and of itself! “They get to respond with any grievances they have against you. And then,” Vox sunk further and further into the couch as he realized just how deep repentance goes, “you have to take sufficient action to address those grievances.”

Vox’s eyes went wide and he coughed into his fist. “Princess Morningstar, I appreciate the uh… thoroughness of that proposition, but, um… if I may, thah… ahh… ahh’TZZZZSH! That will take me some time. And I do have a business to run. Forgive me for asking, your Highness, but is there anything that can be done to make this a little more manageable?”

Alastor stepped forward, extending his microphone like an olive branch. “I think we can work something out to lessen your symptoms a bit. After all, you’ve survived allergy season just fine!” Vox suppressed a growl at that. “Oh and don’t forget, I’m a resident of the hotel, so I expect to see your best handwriting in that apology letter!” Alastor said, grinning so wide there was barely any room left on his face.

A grim line set across Vox’s face. He had no leverage here, and everyone knew it. “To repentance, then,” he said with a resigned sigh. “I will write apology letters to every member of the hotel and then, in response to each member’s one letter of grievances, I will take action as determined sufficient by Princess Charlie Morningstar. And doing all of this will fulfill the requested favor and thus free me from this damned virus. Now then,” he said, extending his hand, “do we have a deal?” He felt a sneeze building up as Charlie and Alastor took his hand, then swirls of green, red, and blue energy coursed through them and the sensation was gone. The sneeze was lost. God fucking dammit!

[thepaperpanda]

Chocolates || Keigo Takami x fem!reader

Masterlist

Summary:  As the second most popular hero in Japan, Hawks receives numerous Valentine's Day gifts, which can make you feel a bit uncertain about the gift you've chosen for him.

Warnings: None

Word count: 1110

Authors: Cass & Fenrir

It was hard to believe. Your day was spent making your own chocolate for Keigo, but here you were facing your flat's doors, staring at the mountain of gifts. It's kind of what you expected. It was Valentine's Day and your man was the number two hero in all of Japan, so of course everyone sent him gifts. The majority of them look more expensive than yours. And to make matters worse, he appeared quite happy and amused by this fact.

While slowly moving the boxes inside the flat, he asked, "Can you see those?" His voice was filled with happiness. "People truly love me and those are the only perks of being number two that I can adapt to," he joked, but stopped, watching your rather unhappy expression. "What? Aren't you happy?"

As you looked at the boxes, you felt more and more ashamed.  As you shifted your bag onto your back, you fake smiled at him. "As a matter of fact, my boyfriend is the second-best hero."

A smug smile crossed his lips as he agreed. "That's true." 

As soon as Hawks finished moving all the packages into the flat, he closed the door and began peering through them to see what he had received. "Look at that, Y/N! I think we will have chocolate for half a year."

Before reading the card aloud, you muttered, "Well...," and looked at one of the boxes. "For my one and only hero. Oh, how cute." 

He approached you, smiled a little too triumphantly, and put his arm around your shoulders. "Hey, smile at me. The fact they are all addressed to me doesn't change the fact I am sharing them with my one and only girl."

You cringed a bit. "C'mon, they're all yours. Girls sent them to their beloved Hawks, not Hawks and his girlfriend. In all honesty, I am jealous."

"My babyboo is jealous of me!" He mused and kissed your cheek.

"How could I not?!" You demanded, angrily. "Look at those! Some of those are more expensive than what I made."

"And what did you get for me on the occasion of Valentine's Day?"

With a sigh, you glanced at the boxes again and thought, "I got you something nice, but as I look at all the gifts, it does not seem that pleasant anymore. Since I'm tired, I'm going to the bedroom."

"Come on, before that, I want to see what did you get for me, I'm more than sure it's something fancy and beautiful."

As you sigh, you reached into your bag and pulled out a nice, hand-made box. "Today, I went to my best friend's house and she was making chocolates for her man. I decided to try it too."

To examine the box, he drew nearer. "Is there chocolate inside?"

"No. I made you a box to keep all those feathers you lose every day," you replied sarcastically. "Of course it's chocolate inside, sweetie. What else could it be?”

Keigo chuckled while tapping your nose with his gloved palm despite the sarcasm in your tone. "Perhaps an engagement ring? Since I am aware of your openness, I believe I can expect anything from you. You know I love sweets, but because there's chocolate in, I'm even happier, even though you're the sweetest candy of them all."

You rolled your eyes, groaning and crossing your arms over your chest as you blushed. "In this pile of fan mail, there must be an engagement ring somewhere, I bet."

"Good. We can sell it then!"

Then you burst into laughter, covering your mouth in delight.

"What!"

"Nothing! Just... It will be weird if a pro suddenly starts selling engagement rings," you laughed and turned your attention to him. "Let's change, and we can eat those chocolates on the balcony. I'm curious and scared to see how they turn out."

"I believe they'll be delicious, but I don't know if you should eat them.”

"And why is that?” You raised an eyebrow curiously.

He took hold of your plan and brought it to his lips, kissing it. "You are aware of my affection for you. And while eating chocolate can help your brain produce endorphins, it can also lead you to gain weight. I'm just worried about your well-being."

With your eye twitching from anger, you commented, "I'm afraid I may end up in jail for murdering Japan's number two. Are you trying to say that I am fat, and you don't want me to gain even more weight?” 

"You said that you're fat," he commented with a shrug. "I didn't say anything about you being too big."

Frowning, you grabbed the box from him. "I'll send those to Jeanist or even better, Endeavor himself. I'm sure he'll love them," you smiled at him. I don't want my favorite bird boy to get too heavy to fly. I'm just worried about your health and well-being," you mocked back.

"Ey! Give me my chocolate back!"

"My one and only hero needs to stay in tip-top shape!" You shrugged. "That means no chocolate for ya."

Keigo rushed for one of the boxes he had been given, opened it, and crammed a number of chocolate pralines into his mouth.

"It was obvious that you liked those more than mine," you sighed sadly. "Oh, well. It's time to change my boyfriend."

"So give me my gift back. I want to judge myself."

As you showed him your tongue, you said, "Okay... But I need a kiss in return."

He inhaled deeply, swallowed the pralines, and then walked over to give you a quick kiss on the lips. "Would you kindly let me in on a little secret right now? Did you add salty caramel to the chocolate you made? Tell me you did."

You shrugged with a cocky smile. "It may have happened, or it may not have happened. I think you'll need to find out for yourself, baby."

He snatched the box out of your hands and stuffed his mouth with two pieces of chocolate. A loud hum soon followed.

"Do you like it?" You walked up and took one for yourself..

"Aaaahhmmm mhhmm," he hummed, enjoying the salty taste spilling over his tongue.

You kissed his cheek, giggling. "Even I am happy now that they are excellent."

"Good? They're flawlessly fantastic."

You smiled and ruffled his messy hair, resting your head on his shoulder. "Happy Valentine's Day, Big Bird."

He ran the tip of his tongue along his lips, then planted a brief kiss on your cheek. "Okay. So now! While watching TV, let's examine the other chocolates I've received. Both of us merit some sweetness. Sweet Valentine's, honey."

[justviwriting]

'Promise'

Fandom: Fellow Travelers Characters: Hawkins Fuller, Tim Laughlin, Marcus Gaines Pairing: Hawk/Tim Rating: T Words: 2.958 Summary: After leaving San Francisco, Hawk cannot resist to write Tim one last letter. A/N: Tho I liked the ending of the show, I just needed to write a fic where Hawk and Tim continue talking to each other for a while longer through letters. Just to warn you: This fic ends on a tragic note, so if you're looking for comfort after watching the finale, this is NOT the right fic for you

[you can also read it on AO3]

Hawk had always wanted his freedom and peace. He had never realized that freedom could feel so lonely.

It had not even been a week since he had returned to an empty home. He had tried to reach Lucy, hoping to make amends, but there had been no luck. Perhaps it was for the better. He knew that she deserved better, yet he still wished she would give him another chance – if only to cure his loneliness.

Kimberly had reached out, but Hawk had told her that there was no reason to worry, and that she did not have to come by and visit him. He would love to hear his granddaughter’s laughter, but right now, he knew that his dismal mood would only ruin everyone else’s fun.

So he remained alone – alone with his thoughts. And the only person on his mind was Tim.

There were many things he wanted to tell him – many things he had never said. And he knew that Tim did not want to hear most of them, but Hawk still wished they could have shared a longer conversation.

He had asked Tim not to write, but with each passing day, his own need to write him a letter grew stronger until one day, he sat down on his desk, an empty piece of paper in front of him and a pen in his hand. He stared at it for what felt like an eternity, until finally, he began to write.

Dear Tim,

I know that I have asked you not to write, but I didn’t make such a promise and I needed to write you one last letter. It might be another act of selfishness on my part, as I know that you have asked me to make it easy – but I’ve never been good at that, nor at keeping my promises. Maybe you didn’t even open this letter. I wouldn’t know, as I don’t expect a reply from you. But I had some time to think about our last conversation, and I could not just leave it at that.

I’ve come to the realization that maybe, in the end, you’ve been the stronger person all along. You were always the more compassionate person – the emotional one – and in all honesty, I have always admired that. But maybe I’ve also admired your strength and resilience. I wasn’t aware of that when we first met, but the many years that have passed since then made it impossible to ignore. You have been braver and more determined than I have ever been. You once called me a coward for not believing in anything and not caring about anyone, and you were right. I was a coward. You are the one who has always chosen to fight. Even now, I’m almost relieved that you have sent me away – have set me free. I would’ve stayed with you until the end, but I’m almost glad that I didn’t have to.

I’ve always known that you are too good – too good for this world, and too good for me. I have always known that you deserved better, but I could’ve never left you alone. And despite everything I have done, you came out of it even stronger, while still keeping your beliefs and compassion and love.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m glad – glad that you didn’t let me corrupt you. And I am glad that you don’t regret meeting me. Because I don’t regret meeting you either. There are many things I do regret, but meeting you is not one of them. But to be honest, perhaps the main reason I don’t regret it is because you’ve told me that you feel no regret either. And I am grateful for that.

I know that you are surrounded by people that love you – fighting the fight you were always meant for. My presence would only disturb you. I guess you don’t need me anymore after all. And I am grateful for that as well.

You have asked me what my reasons for my visit were, and to be honest, I’m still not quite sure. I knew that I wanted to see you – needed to see you. I guess that some part of me hoped that you were not doing as bad after all. And I also hoped to make amends of sorts. Then I stayed because – I believe I stayed because I needed to. Maybe it was an attempt to make up for lost time, I don’t know. I do wish we could’ve spent more time together. It was my fault that we didn’t, I know that as well. Maybe, in the end, I visited because I could never truly let you go either. And this was my chance to see you again. And I am glad that I took that chance.

Sincerely,

Hawk

He read over it several times, wondering if he should send it. Those might be his last words to him, and maybe he was only disrupting him again. But Skippy could always decide not to open it.

He folded the letter, put it in an envelope and made sure it would be sent by tomorrow.

//

The days passed. Hawk had decided to visit Kimberly one day, and it had helped ease his mind for a moment – but only a moment. After it, he had returned to an empty home again. It was quite strange. Several times, he had the urge to call Lucy, if only to inform her what he had been up to, just like he had always done to calm her mind. But then he realized that she did not care anymore. There was no one that cared.

Then, one day, a letter arrived – by Tim.

A smile appeared on Hawk’s face. Of course he had not been able to resist writing back to him. He went inside then, hastily opening the letter.

Dear Hawk,

I guess I’m not good at keeping promises either. But to be fair, all those years ago, you’ve also broken your promise not to write, so I might just do the same. And you sent me a letter first, after all.

I should’ve never expected for you to leave silently – though to be honest, I didn’t really expect it. Just like you probably knew very well that I would read your letter and reply to it – otherwise you would’ve never sent it.

It was simply impossible for me not to reply to your words. I have never truly considered you a coward, neither would I call myself brave. People want different things in life, and that is fine. What matters is that we make the choices we believe will make us happy. Despite all the trouble and pain, you have always made me happy. And that is why I can’t regret the time we got to spend together. And I have always wished for you to find your own happiness, even if it was not with me.

Back after Senator McCarthy’s funeral, when Mary informed me that you have reported me, I was looking for you, ready to confront you about it. I know that you probably believed I have accepted it then, or that I hated you, but I have been ready to fight for this. But when I arrived at the hospital, I saw Jackson – a sweet, newborn baby. And I have realized then that your true happiness would be with your family, not me. I was not part of your life, and I never could have been. I would’ve only disrupted your happiness. And I very much hope that you’ve been able to find that happiness.

I definitely found mine. I’m glad to be where I am right now – well, for the most part at least. But life is never predictable, and I’ve tried to make the most out of it, and I will continue to do that. And you were and are an immeasurable part of that life. I might have never come that far had it not been for you. If anything, you gave me that strength you were talking about.

I meant it when I said that I don’t regret anything. I, too, wish we could’ve spent more time together. But I don’t mourn the time we didn’t have. I cherish the time we did have. And I hope that you can do the same.

With love,

Tim

Hawk read through that letter, again and again, a smile on his face. Was Tim trying to comfort him? It almost sounded like it, and it was ridiculous considering Hawk was in excellent health and Tim was not. But at the same time, it was exactly who Tim was. He had read that letter and decided to made it easy for Hawk, even though Hawk had not been able to make it easy for him.

Hawk knew that he should leave it at that, but he could not. So he went to his desk, sat down and began to write.

Dear Tim,

Of course I knew that you could never resist replying to me. That is the only reason why it took me over a week to write you that letter.

I know I should not reply, but I guess I’ve never been able to stay away from you either. From the moment I first saw you – that sweet looking boy ordering a glass of milk – I knew that you would forever be imprinted on my mind. That has not changed, and never will.

I’m glad you found your happiness, despite my best efforts to keep you from it. I can’t tell you whether I found mine. To be honest, I don’t think it has ever been happiness I was looking for. It’s always been freedom. Yet I came to realize that freedom does not mean that I am happy, and I guess that I wanted freedom because I believed it would give me happiness as well.

I thought that a secure and private life would grant me freedom and happiness. Maybe, what I was looking for simply doesn’t exist. Or maybe it does exist but I’ve never considered it to be freedom. I’ve never thought of you and me together as freedom, but I did feel free when I was with you – I felt happy when I was with you. Maybe only temporarily, but life is merely temporary after all.

I noticed that you didn’t mention anything of what’s been going on in your letter. Maybe you don’t want to talk about it, but I still have to ask: How are you? Did whatever plan you had concocted with Marcus and the others work? Are you back at the hospital?

Sincerely,

Hawk

//

Weeks passed and Hawk was almost certain that Tim decided to either not read his letter or did not want to reply to it. Maybe it had been his questions at the end, and he damned himself for asking them. Tim had asked him to leave his life, and yet he had been trying to intrude on it again.

But as time passed, he also began to worry and was considering calling Marcus to ask whether Tim was doing alright.

Then, however, a letter arrived and when Hawk saw the handwriting, a wave of relief washed over him.

Dear Hawk,

First, I have to clarify that when I said that I have found happiness, that this happiness does include you. The love I hold for you has been an immense part of my happiness, and that will never change. You have been a tremendous part of my life, and our time together had brought me unimaginable joy – and pain, of course, but that does not overshadow the love I feel for you.

I realized that you, too, didn’t mention anything about what’s going on in your life – not a single word about your family. Perhaps for the same reason I didn’t mention anything either: it’s not what those letters are for. If I share everything with you know, I might as well have let you stay with me. These letters are meant as a way for us to say the things we might have never said before. And they will come to an end eventually. Let’s not try and turn this into more than it is or can be. Or either we will only end up regretting them.

Perhaps happiness is only temporary. But I still want you to make me one last promise: Please say that you will try to find that happiness, not matter what.

With love,

Tim

After Hawk had finished reading the letter, a long sigh left his lips. Tim was right that those letters could not be more than what they were. He read the first part of his letter again then, a smile on his face. It was sweet how he continued to reassure Hawk of his love, as if he did not know already. Then, the smile left his face again as he realized that he had never done the same – had never even truly apologized for anything.

He pulled out a sheet of paper then. Those letters were meant as a way to say the things they had never said before, so it would be dumb for Hawk to not take that chance.

Dear Tim,

I can’t promise you that I will find that happiness, but I can promise you that I will try – even if I don’t know how yet.

Maybe you are right – these letters are meant for us to say the things we’ve not said before. And I believe that there is more for me to say than either of us have time for. But more than anything, I want to apologize.

While I don’t regret meeting you, I do regret hurting you. I have never told you that I am sorry, but please know that I am. If I list every mistake I ever made now, I would probably have to sell this house to pay for the postage. But I still believe that I should have left you alone – I don’t regret it, but it would’ve been the decent thing to do. I should’ve been there for you the countless times you needed me to, but I couldn’t. I was afraid to grow to close to you and had tried to push you away, while knowing very well I could never stay away from you. When I reported you, I did so because I knew this could never work – I knew I could never raise a family with you by my side. But not because I thought you to be inconvenient – it was because I knew very well that I would try to keep you in my life. I needed you to be as far away as possible, because I would have always returned to you otherwise – as I did nonetheless.

Tim – I have loved you ever since we first met. It might have taken me way too long to realize it, and even longer to admit it to myself. I might never say this to anyone else, but I do want you to know that I did love you – that I do love you. It is the sole reason as to why I had been incapable of letting you go. It is the sole reason as to why I’ve been trying to push you away. And I will continue to love you, until the day I am buried.

With love,

Hawk

//

The weeks went on and Hawk was impatiently waiting for Tim’s reply. He did not know what he might say to this, but he did hope that his letter would make him happy. After everything, what Tim deserved most was honesty. And Hawk had spent his entire life lying – lying to Tim, to his family, to himself. He had told Tim a long time ago that the lie gets easier, but that might have been a lie as well. It felt good to be honest.

Then, finally, a letter arrived. But it was not the one he had expected. It was by Marcus.

Hawk’s heart sank. He did not believe that Marcus had ever written him a letter, and he had a terrifying suspicion as to why he had decided to write one now.

Slowly, he went inside, sitting down on the sofa in the living room, staring at the letter. He was afraid to open it, but he knew that whatever that letter contained had already happened. Ignoring it did not change anything.

His hands shaking, he opened the letter.

Dear Hawk,

I believe that you probably know why I’m the one writing you a letter when you have been expecting another one from Tim.

It is done. He is gone. It was as peaceful as it could have been. I want to spare you the details now, as I’m not certain whether you wish to hear anything. You know how to reach me if you wish to know more.

It happened the same day your letter has arrived. I am sorry to tell you this, but he has not read it. The letter arrived too late.

If it’s any consolation, I do believe that there was not a single sentence in that letter that Tim had not been aware of. Despite everything, he has always talked about you with love and care. Never has he questioned your feelings for him, nor has he believed your actions to have been malicious. I would even say that he has known you better than you know yourself.

He had been ready to love you until the end, and so he did.

I don’t know if you plan to attend the funeral. If you do, let me know.

My heartfelt condolences,

Marcus

[ferusaurelius]

Spectre Evaluations Quartet

Ya’ll I can’t tell you how glad I am to have finished what started out as a silly one-shot and then decided to transform into a four-part series of developing-relationship ... Kryterius romantic comedy.

AO3 Links:

This will have no bearing on your evaluation.

Above center of mass in all respects.

Preserving joint environment lethality and ingenuity.

Adapt doctrine to circumstance.

... I’ve got a few fun background trivia points to expand on below the cut for anyone who is a fan of the pairing and this overall framework. ;)

Time for some fun character trivia that is alluded to in the stories, but that didn’t quite fit into the fics themselves:

1. This will have no bearing on your evaluation.

Nihlus in this AU is loosely based on the turian mercenary backstory I wrote for him in ‘The husbandry of victory is blood’, though only in the most raw outline. There are a few significant differences that will be apparent to anyone who has read both. It was important to me that Nihlus be both proud of his cultural differences and that Saren eventually take a great deal of care in acknowledging that pride.

I did not INTEND to write the whole quartet in such an experimental flavor of point of view! At least not at first. I tried to write the opening story in Chora’s Den with a more serious tone which just kept failing, no matter how I revised and poked and prodded. At some point, I just got the idea of Nihlus’s characteristic voice and reluctantly leaned into the absolutely ridiculous things it was telling me about what it was like to be a drunk ST&R candidate.

The most shocking moment in writing ‘This will have no bearing on your evaluation.’ (which was always its title!) occurred when wrapping up the ending scenes and realizing that Saren and Nihlus were respectively having two different conversations:

Saren: Realizing that Nihlus was making a genuine attempt to chat him up, since he hadn’t actually known that he was going to be chosen as a Spectre trainee. Saren has no idea what to do about a mentee who is personally interested in him, except put an immediate stop to all those questions so that he can focus on the job at hand. Beyond flustered by the implications, but also doesn’t want to admit to having anything remotely like an emotion, himself.

Nihlus: Confessing his many sins, still (unfortunately) realizing that Saren is actually his type for real and now they’re going to be working together. AWKWARD.

I wanted Nihlus to tell Saren the truth here even though it was going to make him look totally stupid!

The last scene is all about this dynamic and is intended to be the bedrock of their -- unique -- developing relationship:

Saren goes from interested, to blank-faced, to entirely still. Except that now his voice is flat, and his stare looks like it could melt a bulkhead.

“I will say this once,” Saren grates. “I expect you to keep the next two years professional. Your life and mine depend on whether or not you can maintain total focus on what I’m trying to teach you. Are we clear?”

Fuck, he’s hot.

“Aye, sir,” Nihlus answers, as automatic as if he were a fresh Ensign.

Saren accepts this answer, grudging. “While I am disappointed you did not acquire the selection results in advance of the announcement, I can appreciate the sheer audacity of your approach.”

What I intended to do here was illustrate on the one hand that Saren is absolutely laying down some ground rules for training, that Nihlus is still very much attracted to Saren (oops) and still capable of accepting those stated professional boundaries, and that Saren can respect Nihlus’s honesty and is offering a bit of concession or personal disclosure in return.

Even as the author, I didn’t expect Saren to admit that Nihlus had surprised or impressed him in any way. In retrospect (and after having written Saren as the background character in this series), I can see that Saren as a Spectre is used to nothing but lies and obfuscation and has no idea what to make of someone who is willing to confess to the truth of a situation so ridiculous that it beggars belief.

Nihlus doesn’t realize it yet, but Saren finds honesty to be a rare and valuable resource in his line of work. While Nihlus has a habit of constant internal narrative exaggeration, he’s also honest to a fault, especially with people he respects.

2. Above center of mass in all respects.

I wasn’t sure how much time I wanted to let pass between the first fic and this one, or where in the developing relationship I wanted to focus. However! I knew I wanted to stick to my absolutely rancid military jargon titles, and that I wanted to focus in some sense on the ‘evaluation’ implied by the previous story. What situation would create an opportunity for Nihlus to begin to realize that he’d earned Saren’s professional trust faster than anyone else in history?

Enter: the embassy hacking plotline, about six months into Nihlus’s training, after I thought Saren and Nihlus would have had time to get to know each other through regular assignments in the Skyllian Verge. I wanted to imply that they were busy enough outside the confines of the Citadel for something really dumb and standard to get overlooked (Nihlus’s security credentials). 

At this point I also decided that I wanted Alleia (still no surname, hah!) to become a recurring character, and that she needed to be a Blackwatch technical expert stationed on the Citadel. I generally imply that Saren’s usual area of operations is in the Skyllian Verge, so I wanted to set up a situation that would prompt him to return to the Citadel to “take care of things personally.”

It’s implied that a suspected ‘rogue’ salarian Special Tactics Group agent is framing the batarian Special Intervention Unit for a hacking incident at the turian embassy on the Citadel. While I don’t cover this in the story, Saren knows for a fact that he’s well-respected enough that such a plot is unlikely to have been conducted by any of the special operations units he’s already cowed into submission. He suspects independent sabotage conducted by a group he’d already been watching in Zakera Ward, so he sends Nihlus to talk to Alleia while he does his own investigating.

Offscreen, Saren seizes a too-good-to-be-true ambush opportunity to catch the suspect and gets himself blown up in the process. Normal. His calculation is that, if he does end up seriously injured and/or overestimates his ability to shield, Nihlus will be inbound fast enough to handle the rest of the situation -- and it’ll be one less threat to galactic stability, since there will no longer be any questions about infighting between STG and SIU. Which he considers a waste of time and resources when he could be handling real problems.

It’s a MUCH bigger explosion and trap than Saren anticipated (who knew?), but he still walks away thanks to his crazy!strong biotic abilities.

What Saren didn’t anticipate is that Nihlus knows him well enough to intuit every step in his decision-making process and is also FURIOUS about it! 

Nihlus incorrectly interprets the situation as Saren not waiting for backup on a whim, at least until Saren matter-of-factly states that he chose to take the risk only because he had Nihlus inbound as backup:

Nihlus has had enough.

“What, precisely, was the point of calling for backup if you were going to break down the front door. Alone! And then walk into a trap before we arrived?”

He can’t help the fury in his voice. He wants to snarl, too, but lets six years of Hierarchy discipline confine him to glaring full in Saren’s face, instead.

Alleia says nothing in the silence.

“It was a calculated risk,” Saren answers evenly, meeting him stare for stare. “I knew you weren’t far behind.”

This is the first time Saren has expressed that level of trust to Nihlus in so many words! 

Right after this, I got to further reinforce Saren’s level of respect for Nihlus’s abilities and judgment by actually bringing in that first performance evaluation. ;) I had a lot of fun letting Nihlus realize that Saren’s seemingly arbitrary expectations for his assistance were ... very likely ... grounded in a more nuanced view of his abilities than he expected. 

Nihlus is still confused and exasperated, but he’s also never gotten a performance review that unambiguously positive in his career -- much less from someone who appears to be the galaxy’s least enthusiastic mentor. Nihlus was prepared to be reprimanded for yelling at Saren, even if he was right about the risks and there being better alternative plans, but he was totally unprepared for positive feedback. XD

The theme/purpose of this chapter is establishing that Saren and Nihlus both exist with a professional rapport that (until now) they have been building together without openly acknowledging.

I had a great time allowing Nihlus to be beyond frustrated with Saren’s (apparent) neglect in the opening scenes, then frantic and worried at getting a request for backup, then furious about Saren’s decision to walk into a trap, and then finally deflated in the face of Saren’s regard.

Hard for Nihlus to stay mad about Saren relying on him for backup, after all! LOL.

3. Preserving joint environment lethality and ingenuity.

These events take place 18 months into Nihlus’s training, approximately a year after the previous fic’s embassy incident.

You can thank my research for my First Contact War AU fic for the whole opening scene with Nihlus as a marksman and armorer -- it decided to wake up and choose violence! Nihlus as a competitive shooter is a bit of a change from my other mercenary background handcanon thoughts, but it fit this AU setting really well and gave me an excuse to elaborate a bit on where Nihlus might have more expertise than Saren.

Alternative options to embarrass Nihlus I’d originally considered instead of Armax Arsenal Arena: damaged power armor and the undressing trope (but with an undersuit, and having to pretend he’s not attracted to the person he’s helping ... lol); something more mission-fic oriented with Alleia and Thanas as deputies/on loan from their regular units; Nihlus doing something a bit ridiculous and a bit brave and then having Saren get him out of trouble.

I’m really glad I went with the Arena plot in the end! Sparring-as-flirting is a favorite trope of mine, and this setup delivered on all counts. I got to turn it into a roundabout double-date thanks to Alleia and Thanas, with Nihlus snarking about Saren’s problems with pistol technique (see, Nihlus cares!) and then ... getting to write Nihlus doing a surprise trust fall with Saren! And Saren catching him!

They’re both surprised about this, by the way:

A barrel presses up beneath his jaw, and all at once he’s not alone.

“Surrender,” Saren says.

At point-blank, getting shot is gonna sting. He only has one chance to escape.

“Never,” he growls, going deadweight and fully expecting to hit the deck. In a real fight? Nope, not happening. But hitting a target on his back from prone isn't the craziest thing he's ever done.

Which is not what happens. A flare of dark energy catches him in the back, and then recedes until it’s just Saren’s hands between him and a hard landing on the floor.

“Really, Nihlus?” Saren asks, somewhere between amused and exasperated, still out of breath from the snap biotics.

Fuck, he may have miscalculated. Nihlus is warm from his neck to his toes. He’d give anything to see Saren’s face, but he doesn’t dare look.

This was so FUN to write! I didn’t even start knowing how or what was going to happen in this scenario, but the minute the whole ‘Saren catches Nihlus’ idea occurred to me, I knew it was the right direction to take.

Nihlus is expecting Saren’s reflex here to be totally different! He’s expecting to be shot, not caught! Everything happens so fast that there’s no hiding from either of them: Nihlus is personally invested enough to do free armory work for Saren on his off-time, and Saren’s actual instinct here is to keep Nihlus from falling.

Honestly, this was also my first real opportunity to hint that Saren is not as indifferent to Nihlus as he might have been at first. Wherever they started in relation to each other, I wanted to hint that the relationship dynamic and grown and changed in the intervening months even though both of them would still be reluctant to try to define or put any labels on each other.

Joke’s on Saren, too -- he thought he wanted things to stay professional, turns out he actually does kinda like Nihlus personally, as well. Oops! Didn’t see that one coming. ;)

While it’s not explicitly stated, Saren doesn’t have the consistent manual dexterity required to be an accurate shot without additional stabilizer mods or other aids. He prefers to rely on his biotics to do damage instead, though he still carries other armaments as options.

It wasn’t easy to keep this one true to the funny/snarky formula of the others while figuring out how to set up the emotional revelation in the end, but with tweaking it eventually fell into place.

4. Adapt doctrine to circumstance.

This was an absolute bear to write. While I knew that I wanted to at least give Alleia some screentime, and I suspected that was going to be at a promotion ceremony that turned into a larger event than Nihlus anticipated -- the intermediate transitions remained a challenge.

While my FCW AU fic has Saren as a Blackwatch recruit, for this scenario I chose to stick with a biotic Cabal background. 

I knew I also wanted Nihlus to not expect Saren to commit to attending whatever ceremonies were taking place -- so that he could be pleasantly surprised. ;)

The formality of this occasion also let me take a little creative license with what a dress Cabal uniform might look like, as well as setting up Saren’s complex (implied) relationship with his military honors and infamy. I was NOT expecting any of that background to make it into the story, and there’s plenty that is still missing.

For instance: this is the first time Saren’s worn his Star of Palaven in public, too! He received it shortly before he rejected Anderson for Spectre candidacy in this timeline (the paperwork took a little more than seven years), but also not long before he met Nihlus, and there was no graceful way to get used to the protocols since he was already a Spectre when he was officially decorated.

Nihlus has no idea that Saren has already made a number of complicated choices in attending Fleet promotion ceremonies, while also arranging for Nihlus’s surprise promotion ... in a way that all of his Navy peers will respect:

“Not even a whisper of a warning,” she sighs. “If I’d known, I’d have been ready to take vids. Then I could show you what your face looked like when he decided you merited a rank-pinning honor that dates back to before the Unification, delivered by a Recipient of the Star of Palaven.”

Nihlus puts his head in his hands. “Don’t remind me.”

Saren pinning Nihlus with his own rank insignia is one of the few Navy gestures that still has all the old meanings. In front of a Fleet audience? Not a single turian will have missed the significance of that trust being given to someone merc-born.

If he thinks about it too long it still makes him dizzy.

“It was also romantic, if you believe in that sort of thing,” Alleia teases.

He wishes he didn’t.

Again, I had SO MUCH FUN with figuring out how else Saren might potentially choose to make Nihlus’s promotion an occasion.

I’d read somewhere that military officers who were being promoted themselves occasionally gave their old rank insignia to the officers who were coming up behind them, to fill their old position, as a mark of esteem -- and I chose to alter that symbolism a bit for the Hierarchy Navy. 

While I only hint at this in the text: Saren pinning Nihlus with his rank insignia is one of those culturally Hierachy Navy touchstones that mixes the professional and the personal, and it’s also a gesture that, by its nature and by tradition, can only be done once in a career.

Alleia is correct that there are also romantic epics that feature this traditional gesture as a trope! XD

Finally, I knew from the very start that, since Saren was the one to draw the boundaries, he’d also have to be the one to instigate a discussion or an adjustment in the limits he’d set between him and Nihlus.

I considered a number of other scenarios where Saren left a note afterward, or put off that conversation, or did something else other than what happened here: immediately stating his intentions.

It was also hugely fun to work out how Saren might plausibly arrange to make Nihlus’s Spectre promotion as “by-the-book” Navy respectful as possible. I think you’ll agree that he outdid himself. ;)

-

PHEW. Now that I’m finished with the series, I’m also open to other asks. Either about this AU, different background details, turian headcanons, or other curiosities.

If you’re reading this: I have a tentative plan for a longer fanfic featuring these two characters, though with a more traditional POV structure. I’m not a terribly fast writer, so that’s about as much as I can say at this point...

[prydainroyals]

“Now, with all that out of the way-- have you any questions or concerns? Best to be voicing them now while you have my ear,” the Captain advised, swiftly moving on. 

Arthur could see the Captain clearly did not have some sort of bone to pick, or a grudge, or some strange insecurity relating to Arthur’s status. His intentions seemed to be that he would be firm but fair; this assumption was backed up by what he’d heard about the Captain. At least, that’s what Arthur hoped.

It was... 

Refreshing.

He didn’t want to be His Royal Highness.

He just wanted to be.

“None, thank you Sir, Captain,” Arthur answered truthfully as he felt the tension of long travel and social anxieties wash away; dashed like fruitless waves against the firm structure of military life and reasonable expectations.

“A-actually--” Arthur suddenly amended. “Permission to speak?”

The Captain tilted his head curiously and nodded. “Granted.”

Arthur took a breath to steel himself. Either this effort of honesty was going to backfire, or it would help build trust. His mother had always instilled in him how important trust was, even, and especially when, trusting others might seem impossible.

“When I said I don’t expect special treatment, I meant it, Sir. I am grateful, really, for the chance you’ve given me to winter here under your command. And I am grateful for the chance to be a Lieutenant, not a Prince.” He met the Captain’s clear, blue eyes with his own sharp green ones and pushed onward through the terror of laying the groundwork for quality candor.

“I intend to make the most of the opportunity, and... above all, I consider the integrity and safety of the operations here to be far more important than-- well, than my ego, or my status. I’ll do my best not to let you and the others down, Sir.”

... Not the most heroic or valiant dismount, but it would do.

Arthur took another breath, realizing he’d tensed up again.

“Is-- Uh-- Will that be all, Sir?” he asked.

Thoughtfully, the Captain nodded. “... That will indeed be all. You’re dismissed, Lieutenant-- have yourself a good rest, your shift starts at four tomorrow morning so you’ll be needing it.”

“Yes, Sir. Thank you.” Arthur did a remarkable job at hiding his disappointment at the lack of a response, and rose to his feet, made for the door of the Captain Commander’s office--

“Lieutenant, wait just a moment--”

Francis stood as well, crossed the office from behind his desk and stood firmly as he regarded Arthur, studied him up and down, took a moment to choose his words.

Arthur swallowed, shoulders tense, but before he could say a thing--

“I wouldn’t have chosen you as Chief Engineering Officer if I had little or no faith in your ability to do the job,” Francis told him. “I hand-pick each and every person under my command, Lieutenant. If you’re working here, it’s because I want you to be.”

“... Thank you, Captain. Thank you.”

- - -

You can spot the exact moment the Prince of Daddy Issues imprints on the Captain like a baby duckling.

- - -

PREV | BEGINNING | NEXT

- - -

[howthekriffdidigethere]

Wish Come True.

Chapter 5: Clones, Clones, and more Clones.

(Tw: Talks of injuries, but its light. Talks of rough home life, brief mention of claustrophobia. Think that's it, let me know if I missed anything!)

'This is actually insane.' I thought, my eyes wide in amazement.

  I was walking down the halls of The Jedi Temple, with Obi-Wan leading the way. We're heading to the Council Chambers from what I gathered.

The Jedi Halls were magnificent, greater than I ever imagined or any show and movie depicted.

I was too lost in the grandness of things to watch where I was walking and ran straight into something. Or someone...

"Woah, watch it, kid." A new voice said, but not in a harsh tone.

"Oops, sorry, Sir. I got distracted." I responded, looking up, then I realized Obi-Wan wasn't around. "Uhhh, do you know where-"

"Fae! There you are." The said Jedi appeared from around the corner, along with the Commander whom never seemed to leave his side. "Apologizes for not noticing you weren't following."

"Its alright, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." I shrugged, smiling sheepishly.

Obi-Wan let a small smile show, then turned to look at the person I ran into. "Ah, Anakin. I didn't know you were back from your mission."

"It ended earlier then expected, there were less droid forces then we had been told." The person responded, sounding bored.

'Anakin?'

"Wait, Anakin Skywalker?" I questioned.

They both turned towards me.

"Uh, yeah, kid. That's me." The man I ran into nodded at me, eye brow raised.

"I-" I narrowed my eyes, feeling something. A strange feeling. My mind kept repeating the words 'Chosen One' in my mind like flashing light, making me almost dizzy.

"Fae, are you alright?" Kenobi questioned, scanning me.

I blinked. "Yeah, yeah, just–... what does 'The Chosen One' mean?"

Anakin and Obi-Wan exchanged a look of confusion, before Anakin turned towards me.

"Who are you exactly?"

"Oh, my names Fae, Fae Miller. I'm... not from here." I spoke slowly on the last part., eyes drifting to look at the side.

"She's... different, in a way." Obi-Wan cut in.

"What kind of way?" Anakin seemed almost annoyed.

"We don't know yet, I am on my way to meet with the Council now." The older jedi explained to him.

"I might have to join in on that meeting." Anakin chimed, crossing his arms, glaring at me slightly.

I gulped. For some reason I feel like I should be afraid of him, like he was bad. In all honesty, I could... feel his judgment. His darkness.

"I'm afraid that can't happen, Anakin. This is strictly Council only." Obi-Wan protested.

Anakin huffed, rolling his eyes, "Fine, but I'll find out eventually."

"Right, well, we have to get to the meeting. I shall talk to you later. Fae, go with Cody, I will see you another time." Obi-Wan said then walked away.

"Right, uh, it was nice to meet you, bye!" I waved a little, turned and started slightly jogging to catch up to Cody, who was standing by a door and waiting, not wanting to loose him again.

*****************

The room was overly packed with clones and conversations, both overlapping each other.

Staying close to Cody as we weaved through the mass was harder than expected, especially as we got closer to the food line.

'Ugh, why are there so many people?' I thought as I ran into atleast the third person since we got into the room, earning a glare from him.

I just glared back and rolled my eyes, even though, in the back of my mind, I knew I shouldn't be starting a fight.

Finally pushing myself to the food line and letting out an exasperated sigh, I looked up to Cody, "Is it always this packed?"

He nodded. "Most of the time, yeah. We'll head over to the barracks and eat in my room."

I nodded and looked at the food. I had never seen whatever it was, so I just grabbed whatever Cody did and called it good. Although none of it really looked like food...

I'd never been picky. Most of the time there wasn't food at home, so anytime I got some, I didn't complain, and that included now.

Taking our trays, we walked out of the room, people parting the way for us now that we had stuff in our hands.

I visible relaxed when we were in the hall, feeling less claustrophobic, and more at ease. I could see an oncoming attack now, if one were to come, which immediately made me feel better.

Cody and I didn't talk on our way there, but the air between us wasn't an awkward one.

I followed him to a room, passing more clones with orange and white armor.

"Are they from the 212th, too?" I asked once he walked inside.

"Yeah, this section of the building is our barracks." Cody explained, walking to a small table on the side and setting down his tray. "Since I'm Commander, I get my own room, but my men share a room with about twenty of our brothers."

I nodded slowly, "Thats...a lot of people. Are there ever fights between them?"

Cody chuckled. "Quite frequently for some. But they manage to get over it. We've always had brothers with us, so we're used to it by now. Or should be. Have you ever shared a room, or...do you have any siblings?"

I sat down at the table, glancing over the food. "I... have three brothers. All older. I shared with the one closest to my age when we went to stay with my dad. He didn't have enough room for us. The other two were old enough they didn't have to stay with him."

Cody sat across from me, raising a brow. "Stay with your dad? What's that mean?"

"My parents are divorced." I spoke quietly. "Broke up when I was four, so we went back and forth between living with him, and living with my mom."

"That...Must be hard."

I shrugged. "We had done it so long, I didn't know any other way. And...by the time I was ten, we didn't have to do it anymore."

Cody tilted his head in confusion. "Why not?"

I hesitated then shook my head, grabbing a piece of food that almost looked like a fry. "Its not important."

Cody opened his mouth then shut it, then opened it again. "You don't like talking about your family much do you?"

I sighed, waiting till I was done chewing before answering. "There's not all that much to talk about, but... no, I guess I don't."

He nodded, but he didn't look satisfied with the answer.

Before either one of us could speak again, a knock sounded on the door.

I glanced up at Cody, then at the door, swallowing nervously.

Cody stood. "Easy, kid. I'll get it." He walked over to the door and cracked it up, looking at who was there. "Ah, Rex. What brings you here?"

Cody opened the door more and stepped aside so 'Rex' could come in.

A blonde clone, wearing blue armor sighed tiredly. "Fives." Was his simple answer.

Cody chuckled, shutting the door. "What happened now?"

"He broke another jetpack."

"Another?" Cody's brow shot up.

"Yeah, another." Rex huffed. "I think he got it from one of your men. I'm hoping atleast. It's either you or Wolffe, and Wolffe isn't as forgiving."

"I'll take inventory and figure it out." Cody told him, sending him a small smile.

Rex nodded then glanced to the side, spotting me sitting at the table still and eyeing him warily. "Who's this?"

Before I could answer, the door opened and in stormed a handful of other clones.

I jumped up, startled, and narrowed my eyes at them.

Cody came over and murmured to me, "Easy, its alright."

I hesitated but nodded, shifting behind him more, and staring at the newcomers, who'd busied themselves trying to talk to Rex.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You took some of my supplies!"

"Are you sure it was him? It could've been–"

"He's the only possibility! Who else is dumb enough to steal medical supplies?"

"I was trying to give you an option if you didn't cut me off."

Rex sighed heavily. "If one of you says another word, you're all on sanitation duty for a month."

That made all the arguing stop almost instantaneously.

"Now," Rex started, taking a breath. "Tup, what happened?"

"Why does he get to tell you?" One of the men, the one with a tattoo covering the side of his head, complained.

Rex narrowed his eyes at him. "Because, he's the only one who I believe will tell me the truth."

"Yeah," A clone with a goatee and a '5' on his temple nudge a long haired clone standing beside him. "Tups the baby. He wouldn't lie."

"Enough." Rex cut in. "Tup, what happened?"

'Tup' rubbed the back of his neck, his head turning slightly so I could see a teardrop tattoo under his right eye. "After the jetpack incident, Fives had a gash on his arm and, uh...Had me go get medical supplies from Kix."

"Why didn't he just go to Kix?" Rex asked, raising a brow.

"He didn't want to get in more trouble, Sir." Tup answered. "But Jesse saw me take the supplies and told Kix and...then we came here."

Rex sighed and nodded. "Thank you, Tup. Fives, give Kix the supplies back. And Jesse, if this happens again, which it shouldn't," Rex gave Fives a pointed look. "You come to me first. Understood?"

Jesse, the one with the big tattoo, nodding. "Yes, Captain. Understood."

Rex nodded, then glanced back at me and Cody.

I was still hiding behind Cody, but he seemed amused of the whole situation, putting me at ease.

"I apologize for that, Cody." Rex said, sending a side glare to the four on the side.

Cody chuckled. "It's alright, as long as it's sorted out."

"It will be, Sir." The fourth clone, Kix, I'm assuming, assured.

Cody nodded. "Good. Then there won't be any problem."

I looked throughout the group, catching the eye of Fives, who looked me over.

"Who's the girl, Commander?" He asked, ignoring whatever was just said.

That turned all their attention on me, which I hated and I had to fight my instict to shrink under their gazes.

When I didn't answer, Cody stepped forward. "This is Fae. We found her on our last mission and she's here with us now."

Rex glanced at Cody, obviously a little confused. "Found her?"

Cody nodded again, "In the City we were fighting the Separatists in."

"So you found a stray and decided to take it home?" Jesse asked, looking at him weirdly.

I glared, my voice coming out sharp. "I'm not a stray, and I came willingly."

All brows went up at my sudden cut in.

Cody cleared his throat awkwardly. "She...there's a few reasons we brought her back..."

"What are those reasons?" Kix asked, staring at me and trying to decipher something. "She nearly looks sick...Is she hurt?"

Cody shifted. "I am not allowed to discuss that yet. And no, she's not hurt."

I glanced up at him. I hadn't known my case was top secret, but I suppose it made sense.

The tear drop clone stepped forward, offering out his hand for me to shake. "I'm Tup. Nice to meet you. Sorry for this being you first impression of us."

I looked at his hand then at his face. His expression was the only that wasn't judgmental. He even had a small smile on his lips.

Slowly, I extended my arm and grabbed his hand, shaking it. "Nice to meet you too. And it's alright. Not your fault."

He smiled a little more and nodded to his side. "The first one over there is Fives, beside him is Jesse and then Kix."

I nodded at them and earned one from Kix, Jesse didn't do anything, and Fives stepped forward.

"You're too young to be a padawan." He examined.

I raised brow. "Whats a padawan?"

That seemed to shock them all.

"How do you not know what a padawan is?" Jesse asked, but he didn't seem rude this time.

"Uh, Fae...grew up in a, uh, sheltered place." Cody hurried to lie, but obviously didn't do a good job at it.

Kix was obviously suspicious, but he looked to me. "You know what a Jedi is?"

I shrugged and nodded. "Sorta. I'm not sure I understood it all completely but..." I trailed off, my voice suddenly quiet.

Kix nodded. "Well, a padawan is basically their student. They go on missions together and learn from the Jedi Master."

"I...I guess that makes sense. Thanks." I spoke softly.

" 'Course, kid." He answered and shot me a slight smile.

"How'd she end up in your care?" Rex asked, breaking off mine and Kixs conversation.

"She was in a town on Florrum, was hiding in a bunker, luckily we were there and destroyed all the clankers before they could find her and destroyed the whole town." Cody explained, nudging me with his elbow.

"Well, it's a good thing they found you when they did." Fives spoke, sounding relieved. "Those clankers would've killed you."

I rubbed the back of my neck. "Yeah, I guess so."

"After that, there were a few questions we needed answered, so she came with us." Cody continued. "She's with me for now. General Kenobi is talking to the Jedi Council."

"The Council is involved?" Jesse sounded surprised. "Kriff, kid. What's made you so important?"

I sighed. "Wish I could tell you...not sure how I ended up here."

"How old are you?" Kix asked, head tilting.

"Fourteen." I told him, "Just turned it two months ago."

"Don't you have, uh, parents, or something? Someone to look after you, and would be looking for you?" Tup asked, seeming hesitant on the topic.

"I...mostly just take care of myself." I shrugged. "Not sure parents will look or even know I'm gone."

"There's a lot of things we need to figure out." Cody said, looking around the room. "For now, go finish the tasks Rex gave you and get everything sorted out."

They all nodded and gave a few 'Yes, Sirs', before leaving.

Tup was the only one to say goodbye.

'He seems sweet.' I thought to myself.

"Its getting late, kid." Cody came back after he closed the door. "Finish eating then get some sleep. I'll set out some blankets for you on the ground to sleep on. Sorry, I don't have much more."

I shook my head and sat back down at the food, which was now cold. "I've slept in worse places, it's alright."

He nodded then walked away to set it all up.

I continued eating, rubbing my tired eyes. After not sleeping on the way to this planet, I guess I was tired.

Time started to blur together, my body on autopilot. I finished eating and Cody had come back by that time.

I didn't know if he or I said something, but soon after, he led me to another small room and I layed down on the floor where he set out the blankets.

It wasn't the most comfortable, but at the moment, I didn't care.

[ricardian-werewolf]

Oh, no, wait, it was supposed to be an ask, lol. Well, whichever you prefer. "Death Returneth" is my chosen title

Here you go! This was a wip of many disparate things.

Brocket Hall, 1866, January 9th.

**************

William Lamb - the Lord Melbourne - was a tricky vampire. Born in 1100, a bastard to a king, turned in 1144 by a Norman Queen. Now, he was a privileged man of letters, sciences, and war. As he sat, nestled in the cracked and worn leather of his armchair, he glared across the room at a man his own age. The man wore a high-collared cape of all black velvet and cotton and some, unknown, foreign, cloth. Finely spun, it made for him to play at being a king the same way William played at being a commoner when England came for his head.

“Aleksander.” Melbourne purred, glancing at the man the same way someone might an offending bug. The Darkling smirked. “Melbourne. It’s been… a while since we crossed paths. How are things?” He reached down to pick up his china cup of tea. Shadows swirled about his hands, plucking at the wooden coffer by his feet, tumbling across the faded and moth-hole riddled carpet. The shadows were sentient, of course, an extension of The Darkling’s will.

Melbourne twiddled his thumbs, shrugged. “England is under constant cloud-cover. It couldn’t have been better executed, Moi Soverenyi. I for one, am impressed you were able to summon at such a great distance. It’s been going better than I believed, in all honesty.”

“What did you expect to happen, Moi Korol? I never go for anything less than the most dramatic. And England needs to be taught a lesson.” he sipped his tea. The shadows yipped and writhed at his feet, the volcra, with their teeth and eyeless blob faces hovering about their master in the circle of shadow he cast.

Melbourne sniffed. “A lesson long overdue. My… Wife has seemingly mishandled the whole affair. She lets Burrows run wild, and while this is a good thing, it brings us no closer to finding the boar’s bastard of a farrow.

“I want to push north. Can you expand the darkness, perhaps? Not into Scotland or Wales, but… I want a more… physical division between our lands and the lawless northern holdings.”

“You wish for me to create a Second Fold. Splitting England in two.” the Darkling’s lips curled into a grin. “What is the price that I would pay for such a trickily done act?”

“A right to return to Ravka, reclaim the throne, find a cult who will follow in your example.” Melbourne dropped something onto the table between them, and rolled out a long stretch of parchment written in German. “This… is what will get you home.”

Both men crossed over to stare down at the long stretch of parchment, which was in reality a blueprint for some kind of arch powered by electricity. Except the energy it needed required a nuclear explosion to work, and required advanced calculations that made no sense to the mind of the Darkling, who merely traced a finger over the inscriptions.

“Using holes in space-time, the archway uses a massive explosion of power to reach across time and space to grab a specific hole of your choosing. It’s notoriously unstable. The Nazis had attempted to perfect it to invade this world, but their return necessitated a nuclear winter. It ultimately killed them.” Melbourne traced his fingers over the arch, looking at the Darkling’s profile the whole while.

“Hm.” the Darkling nodded. “I shall take your offer. It may doom England once again, but who really needs such a backwater? Plus, once we have that bastard’s pup, you shall be unstoppable, and Richard will be forced to bend the knee and kiss your ring. All, of course, before you relieve his head from his body.”

“I can barely wait for the day.” Melbourne rubbed his hands together. “Hopefully, it’ll come sooner than we expect.”

“Oh,” the Darkling grinned. “I believe it will. Once I resurrect the fold, the Midlands will capitulate and Northern England will be quite weakened by the lack of refugees… and people.”

Melbourne smirked. “Mm,” he muttered as he sipped his tea. “And with our little detour arranged for dear King Richard, no one will be any the wiser.” He settled back down with the blueprints and snapped his fingers. The record-player he’d stolen from a Nazi officer’s house at some odd spot - 10 Downing, had been reworked to run off of a little combustion engine. The record on the tray began to play as the needle ran down the groove.

“I travelled far and wide through many different times

What did you see there?

I saw the saints with their toys

What did you see there?

I saw all knowledge destroyed

I travelled far and wide through many different times.”

“Who’s the band?” the Darkling asked as he stared into his cup of whisky.

“Something northern. Depressing. They’re new, I think. Resistors music, funneling their schiesse down south through the smuggling routes.”

“Do they have a name?”

Melbourne shrugged as he picked up the album cover.

“ ‘Joy Division,’”. He quoted, looking sideways at the black paper with the white mountain-peaks. The vampire’s lips pulled back in a snarl, and he tossed the sleeve over his shoulder, into the crackling fire. Holes the size of tumors spread across the paper, eating through it greedily. Melbourne’s grin shifted, becoming crazed.

“I’ll make sure they never make another song again…” He muttered, getting to his feet. He slugged back the rest of his drink, and departed as swiftly as he could. The Darkling stayed where he was, turning the lyrics over in his mind as the shadows deepened around him.

________________________________

Sheffield, 1866. A week later.

Cecily-Anne’s eyes opened to the sight of their blown-open roof.

She glared up at the pre-dawn gloom, and coughed. Cocking her head to one side, she could faintly hear sounds of Jane Beckett rummaging around on the floor below. Sitting up, the girl peeled off her dingy, moth-eaten blanket, and crawled across the floor on all fours. Peering out behind the blinds - which was nothing more than an old sheet nailed to the window-rim to keep out the draft and fallout debris, Cecily-Anne glared out at the street.

Deathly quiet for a Sunday morning in the depths of winter, but nevertheless, a welcome relief. The quiet meant that no one was about to loot anything in walking distance. Most of the inner-city stores had been picked clean twenty years ago, but there was still one single place largely harboring food: the old storage facilities on the east side of Sheffield, nestled in amongst the disused factories.

However, there was a reason for why that food was untouched. It came down to who was guarding it. The army had been picked off years back, and eventually fell to the corruptive greed of human savagery when faced with nuclear eradication of the masses. But one person had somehow adapted like a particularly awful fungus to this harsh, inhuman climate.

George Burrows. Sometimes simply called “The Warden,” by the uninitiated to his holy terror, the man was an ex-traffic warden gifted emergency powers by the Sheffield City Council before the bombs dropped in 1983. A seemingly expansive wormhole had then opened and sent Sheffield, her dying populace, and the nuclear bombs back to 1848.

No one had since figured out how to reverse the bloody mess, and England herself succumbed to complete societal collapse. There was reason to believe civilizations survived in the North of England. According to the few, tattered and worn posters that generous Northerners posted on rickety fences and stone walls, the self-appointed King Richard III was acting as a buffer against Queen Victoria’s rampant aggression.

____________

Christmas Day, 1865. Liverpool.

The Volkvolny’s masts barely rustled in the still air as she cut through the waters of the Irish Sea like an arrow. At her helm, Sturmhond raked a hand through his tangled ginger curls. His eyes scoured the sea for signs of life, of fishing vessels, anything. Yet nothing caught either his naked eye or the view from the spyglass in his fingers. Tracing a finger over the amber lens, he caught himself grimacing. All morning, they’d been charting a course through the True Sea in hope of reaching Novi Zem before dusk. Yet, a freak storm had sent them…

Here.

Wherever here was, it didn't show on any maps that Sturmhond had. No atlas could be consulted. Not even Tolya or Tamar had an idea of where they were. No familiar landmarks, zilch. He chewed his lower lip, ran a ring-decked hand over his face for the third time in 20 minutes, and consulted his compass.

The needle was pointing north, to his left. While this was reassuring to know that the freak storm hadn’t affected the mercury of the compass, it still left him wary. Tracing a thumb over the words on the back, Sturmhond slid the compass away. He turned to see how the masts were looking, craning his neck up and head back.

Suddenly, a crash shook the whole boat. The Volkvolny, a beaut of a schooner with her triple masts, was not made for sudden and alarming crashes. He’d much rather have let this happen to the whaler Alina sunk to the watery depths of the Bone Road.

At once, a startled English voice cried out with a hearty yell: “Danae, land gently!” the man yelled. The crash was seconded by a hearty roar. Sturmhond caught sight of a wing here, a thrashing tail there, and lurched to the starboard side. Looking down with Tamar and Tolya, he was shocked to find his cabin’s beautiful fabrikated french windows little more than shards. And perched in his former cabin was a massive dragon, its scales navy blue, eyes sapphire. At her neck was a pale-faced midshipman, all harsh angles and dark eyes.

“Who goes there?!” Sturmhond yelled, cupping his hands around his mouth. “Identify yourself!”

“Midshipman Horatio Hornblower!” the man replied calmly. He grabbed the rope thrown down by one of Sturmhond’s crew, and let himself be hauled over the side, onto the deck. Landing in an ungrateful heap, Hornblower barely had time to breathe before Sturmhond was pointing a pistol in the lad’s face.

“A-and who are you?” Horatio breathed, staring up into the privateer’s eyes.

“Sturmhond. Privateer, captain of the Volkvolny.” Digging around in his pockets, Sturmhond produced a thin piece of paper emblazoned with the sealed double-eagle. “Letter of Mark.”

“W-what language is this?” Horatio blinked at it. “You speak english… Yet this is…?”

Sturmhond blinked, shocked. “I believed us to be conversing in Ravkayash, Midshipman…” his gaze skirted to the twins, who looked as surprised as he did.

“English.” Horatio muttered. “I can understand you… how?”

[saucylittlesmile]

Please post your reflections on the podcast! Love to hear your thoughts always

Finally finished listening late last night so this is train of thought but also just whatever I remember lol.

as always the host spoke a little too much for me, to the point where sometimes I thought T would have spoken or said more, but was too polite to interrupt and then they moved on. On the other hand, perhaps the more conversational interview is what lets T open up more, who knows lol.

I’ve always defended Tessa’s social media presence and am glad she didn’t try to pawn off her choices on her partners; if she has chosen to do something for a cause I don’t necessarily think she needs to post about it online but it’s a weird grey area that she occupies in which she is a minor celebrity and there tends to be expectations on her to post about important topics (even though she will then be accused of being performative). Shantelle’s defence however was awful.

Tessa talking about how she doesn’t relate food with how she feels/her ability to compete or perform - she used to push past incredible pain to compete so I guess that she just won’t give herself any excuses. Guess it’s good she had dieticians telling her what to eat lol.

I think time is messed up for T too since as far as I know, her dad remarried a number of years ago, but then time has no meaning for a while and I suppose it’s recent relative to how long her parents were married

the revelation of how she found out is just terrible; you’d think he could have at least let her know in an informational way if not a personal one

’stubborn about things that matter’ vs stubborn in general… just an interesting distinction

because I saw the trending articles before hearing the rest of the podcast and due to one of those articles, I kept wondering when she would reveal they met in Vancouver (spoiler alert: didn’t happen lol)

the kissing question was either a very strange segue or a (personally) awkward question; didn’t like it either way lol; I don’t know what Tessa’s plan was to acknowledge the engagement; she seemed to be going for low-key and Shantelle was the one grabbing her hand; I did find that the car honking interrupting was amusing just from a timing perspective, and then Tessa’s very short answer about how they met which was a clear lockdown on any further questions.

Tessa (and Scott) may say they love 2014’s Olympics and I believe them. They may say that they are as proud of their silver medals as their gold and I believe them. But when they say the judging was fair and DW had a better skate, I do not believe them lol. ;)

I must admit I was wondering what coach Scott was seeing for him to bring up surviving the fs environment due to Kate’s conversations with them (me thinking back to Kate and Alma agreeing that at least one of them would always attend a comp when VM were starting on that competitive circuit… they were clearly aware of some of the dangerous pitfalls of that world and trying to keep VM as safe as possible)

I appreciated both the honesty - no not going to skate again, better to gave gone out on top and not willing to put in the energy to train into shape for even shows - and yet I loved the pause as she thought through the what if Scott did call with an interesting offer lol

eta: oh I forgot my favourite thing lol! loved hearing her talk about the joy she felt skating in the comeback - made me remember how I felt watching them skate and how different it all seemed from earlier - and wanting that loving relationship with MF-P ❤️

[lavender-long-stories]

Spoilers for Lavender Letters | Chapter 2 | Rated M

Hidan snorted, reading his letter. They really had run out of things to talk about at this point. Hinata somehow was upset enough about a chicken salad to write him half a page about it. Even her usual clean, practiced cursive became sharper as she wrote the stupid complaint with rage. 

“Does her husband know she still writes to you?” Kakuzu stuck his nose up at his letter.

Hidan couldn’t wipe the stupid grin off his face. “She’s not married. I’m not even sure she has a boyfriend. She told me about the crush she had in school. I doubt she wouldn’t tell me about a boyfriend.”

“Are you going to look at the rest of these?” Kakuzu lifted the small pile of other letters. 

Hidan shook his head. “I don’t read fan mail.” He didn’t want people to admire him for what he did. They were basing their assumptions on a courtroom full of lies. If they knew the truth of the matter, they would hate him. It was almost funny that their idol was not what they thought he was. A throne of lies he built made the new meat away, though.

Kakuzu ripped one of the letters open. 

“I think that’s a federal crime,” Hidan commented without looking up from his letter.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes as a picture fell out. “You sure you’re not more interested in this?” He held up the image of a groupie posing with a Jashin symbol in her mouth, and that was the clean description of that picture. 

“Sacrilege.” Hidan comment. His public image was one of a comic book villain, he had to keep it up, but he didn’t have to interact with the shithead at a convention.

Kakuzu shrugged, opening the next letter. “Your followers are nasty.”

“If I responded, they would get worse,” Hidan commented.

Kakuzu ripped the letter in half with a face of disgust. “Wouldn’t that be part of the draw?”

“I am only a prophet. I speak the word. I do not lead the people.” Hidan answered vaguely.

Kakuzu huffed. “Never mind.”

--**--

Hinata dismissed her class and watched them all pick up their things to go home. It was a long day, but she had to keep a smile on, at least until the children left. A clatter followed by a thunk was a common noise when you have a room full of clumsy kids. “Uh oh.” Hinata helped collect books and pencils as her students pulled themselves up. “Are we okay?” Despite the lack of crying, there was a scuffed knee and bumped head. 

It was amazing that a child would scream over getting hit with a marker but could bounce off the floor and get up like it was nothing. 

With a band-aid and a pat on the head, they were off the bus like the rest, giving Hinata a moment to sigh in her chair. 

Hinata leaned forward to look at her latest letter that she was working on during her student’s quiet time. Sometimes she used Hidan as a confessional for stupid things that she wasn’t able to let go of. Her father’s disappointment, her feeling of inferiority to her sister, her guilt for hating Neji’s mothering because he meant well. 

Hidan’s colorful replies made her feel like she could let go of what she was holding on to. Hinata was embarrassed to admit it, but she actually cried when Hidan sent her a seemingly endless letter after she told him about her childhood crush she had finally chosen to formally let go of. At first, he did what she expected, made fun of her, but there was so much more that made it clear that he actually read and understood why she was still so insecure about it, and of course, it ended in a rant.

Part of her knew that it was possible that he was sharing all this with the whole prison and really just making fun of her, but something about his almost dumb honesty made her want to send the next letter.

He was blunt, brash, and a bastard.  And Hinata had to admit he might be her best friend.

What a sad thought. Her best friend was a convicted serial killer. If she ever said that out loud… well, maybe she should never say it out loud.

Sometimes Hinata could feel Hidan being her anti-continuous. Everyone thought about fixing problems in the most horrendous way possible, but sometimes she felt like she could do it with him in the back of her head. She was scared of that voice whenever one of her kids came in for the third day in a row in the same clothes, and their hair was not brushed, or she could hear a parent screaming at the pickup.

God forbid if she ever found a bruise, she might actually take his route. Hinata could imagine the headline now ‘Serial killer’s pen pal continues his murder killing a series of *completely innocent* parents’. 

Hinata reached forward and pulled a childish sticker out of her supplies to add to the letter. At least he should get a laugh out of her pain.

--**--

Hidan’s face dropped after reading her latest letter. This rant was a lot less light-hearted. There was a special place in hell for people who didn’t take care of their kids. He knew she took a job as a teacher, but she never told him how young her students were, but this made it clear they were probably young.

At the end, he chucked at the note of ‘you’re a bad influence’ with a ‘You Did It!’ sticker next to it.

There were two more pages because she never did want to just send him a complaint. He could tell how much something really bothered her by how much time she took trying to make up for dumping the thought on him. 

Why was this stupid girl too sweet and insecure?

“Is she a frustrated novelist?” Kakuzu snagged the letter from him.

“Hey, bitch!” Hidan grabbed his arm to pull his letters back. 

Kakuzu ignored his death grip and read the section he was on. “Are you sure she isn’t in love with you?”

Hidan yanked on him. “What the fuck does it matter to you?” 

Kakuzu rolled his eyes, dropping the page. “Does she send you anything?”

“Occasionally, she sends me pictures of flowers and landscapes.” Hidan couldn’t really remember why that started. He was sure he could look through old letters to find out where it began. 

Kakuzu’s face twisted in disgust. “That’s it?”

“What were you expecting? Dirty pictures? She’s a prude.” Hidan rolled his eyes.

“Money?” Of course, that’s what Kakuzu wanted it to be.

“She’s not a groupie.” Hidan collected his pages back into their pile. “She’s got a bleeding heart, but she’s not going to support me.”

Kakuzu side-eyed him. He was the type that would have fully milked the idea of having murder groupies if someone freak found murdering your own employee sexy.

Hidan stopped long since trying to understand the women that would send him their ‘love.’ These women saw him acting up in court and wanted him to father their children, and people called him psycho?

Hinata, on the other hand, gave him shit when he told her he got into trouble again. Bitching that, he was making life more difficult for those who were in prison for less severe offenses. Not that he cared, honestly. Sometimes he started shit just to have something to write about or to watch her try to scold him. She full well knew that she wasn’t going to get through to him but spent the time telling him anyway. He knew to back off for a while when she just started ignoring his comments on his latest bad behavior.

“I bet she would send money if you asked.” Kakuzu nodded his head.

“Greed is a sin.” Hidan spat back to shut him up.

--**--

Neji set a plate amongst her mess of papers. “Why are you grading so late?”

“Parent came in during my free time,” Hinata explained. “Do we have extra staples somewhere? I am almost out.”

“Your father’s office, maybe?” Neji shrugged. “Have you heard from Hanabi-chan?”

“Nope.” Hinata huffed. “Her last excuse was that she was taking late classes in our usual call time. If she wants to call, she will.” 

“Do you think there is something wrong?” Neji lingered, resting against the wall next to her desk.

“No, I think she probably is having fun or found a boyfriend and doesn’t want to think about home.” Hinata took a bite of what Neji brought her and flipped a page. “Hanabi-chan has always been stubborn and free-spirited.”

Neji always worried too much, so Hinata wasn’t surprised that he thought it was something deeper. He didn’t want her to go abroad in the first place, and the fight they had before Hanabi left was the reason she was still not talking to him. “You can be rather stubborn too.”

Hinata ignored the comment. 

Lavender Letters

Pairing: Hidan x Hinata Rating: M for Violence and Strong Language

Description: Hinata signs up for a prison pen pal program and is assigned to Hidan, a serial killer known for his brutal murders. Hinata becomes friends with him despite his crass nature. And, oh yeah, they kill her father.

Tags:  Romance  |  Fluff and Angst  |  Hurt/Comfort  |  No Relationship Abuse  |  Happy Ending  |  Alternate Universe - Modern Setting  |  Prison Pen Pals  |  Serial Killer

Image by Tanya Pro