#in case you were looking for music recommendations haha

[rcarx]

Tagged by @gleerant to spell my acc name with songs:

runaway by sasha sloan

christmas morning by luz

another love by tom odell (or affection by fiji blue i couldn't decide)

rainbow by dodie

x's and oh's by elle king yes i cheated

Tagging:

@offthebandwagon @myhumbleme @ahappilyexhaustedperson @wearysighs @orphanblaque @princington @julianavalds

if you want! or anyone who wants to do it!

[midoribobatea]

Lato's Birthday 2023 - Lato's card

Part 1 & Part 2

(Not 100% accurate translation ,So sorry in advance for any mistranslation and any missgramer)

Under The Moonlight - part 1:

*Notice before reading the Butler Story: This story contains some spoilers for Main story - EP 3

We recommend reading this after reading the main story EP 3.

If you wish to avoid spoilers, please return using the button on the top left.

.........

- A few days before Lato's birthday -

With Lato's birthday coming up soon...I was thinking about what present to buy for him.

So... I thought I'd talk to Flure and Miyaji about it, and when I called out to them...

For some reason, we all ended up gathering in the wine cellar in the basement floor of the mansion.

Miyaji: I'm sorry, master. I made you come all the way to a place like this.

Choices:

<Why here?>

Flure: Umm...well... because Lato has good hearing...

Flure: We were worried that our conversation might be overheard if we were somewhere else..so we ended up here.

Miyaji: Sounds,voices are usually hardly echo in the wine cellar...so there's no need to worry about Lato hearing us.

Choices:

<I see>

Miyaji: Then...about the birthday present for Lato.

Miyaji: Actually, me and Flure too have been talking about it for a while now.

Miyaji: But we can't seem to decide... If it's alright, I'd like to think it over together with you master...

Choices:

<Thank you>

<Of course, Please>

Miyaji: Great. if the three of us discuss it together I'm sure we'll come up with a good idea.

Choices:

<Right>

Flure: Hmm, a present... I guess it would be safe to give Lato something he likes.

Miyaji: Speaking of things that Lato likes...

Choices:

<Like parsley>

Flure: That's right. parsley is Lato's favorite food.

Flure: But... it doesn't really feel like a birthday present...

Miyaji: In that case... how about a handmade picture book or an original song...?

Miyaji: Lato also likes reading picture books and listening to music.

Choices:

<I see, That sounds good>

Flure: That's right... That feels more like a birthday present.

Flure: Alright! Let's give Lato one of those two...!

Lato: What are you doing in a place like this?

Choices:

<!?>

Flure: L-Lato?! Why are you?

Lato: When I returned to our room, Flure and Professor Miyaji were not there, so I came to look for you.

Flure: S-so that's what happened...

Lato: Hello, master.

Choices:

<H-hello Lato>

Lato: By the way.... What were you three talking about?

Choices:

<Well...>

Miyaji: That's...

Flure: Umm... well...

Lato: Hm?

Flure: M-master...!

Flure: Master asked what wines we would recommend...so we were just showing a few.

Flure: Isn't that right, master?

Choices:

<Y-Yeah>

Lato: Hmm... Then show me too.

Flure: Wha...?!

Lato: Master... What kind of wine are you interested in?

Lato: I don't know much about alcohol, but I'd be interested in the wine you choose.

Choices:

<U-umm...>

Lato: .......

Lato: Haha... just kidding.

Lato: after all it was just a lie that you were looking for wine, right?

Choices:

<Huh...?>

Miyaji: So after all.. you noticed.

Lato: Yes.

Lato: You were actually talking about my birthday present, didn't you?

Flure: D-did you hear that?

Lato: Yes. When I returned to our room, I faintly heard master's voice.

Lato: I followed the voice..and ended up here at the wine cellar.

Miyaji: So that's what happened... By the way, from which part did you hear us?

Lato: Since the parsley talking part.

Miyaji: Almost everything... As expected of Lato.

Flure: Seriously...you really do have good ears.

Lato: Haha... I am especially sensitive to master's voice.

Choices:

<I-Is that so...>

Lato: I felt like it would be better to pretend I didn't hear in this situation...

Lato: But there was something I really wanted for my birthday, so I ended up calling out to you.

Miyaji: Something you want? What is it?

Lato: A parsley cake.

Choices:

<P-Parsley cake?>

Lato: Yes, this is the cake that appeared in a picture book I read a long time ago.

Choices:

<(There's a picture book like that...)>

Lato: It looked like a very interesting dish, so it made a lasting impression on me.

Flure: Umm... Is there really such a picture book?

Miyaji: Come to think of it... I think I made a picture book like that for Lato a long time ago...

Flure: Huh? Professor Miyaji did...?

Lato: Yes. It was a handmade picture book that professor Miyaji made for me.

Choices:

<So you can make picture books, Miyaji>

Miyaji: Well, even if I call it a picture book... I didn't really make anything that impressive or anything like that.

Miyaji: I wondered at that time if there was something I can make that could interest Lato even just a little...

Miyaji: I made this a long time ago when I was still researching.

Miyaji: I do remember the picture book depicted a sponge cake mixed with parsley...

Miyaji: I think it was a cake served with parsley cream...

Lato: It was also topped with finely chopped parsley.

Flure: T-that's sounds...

Choices:

<Like a parsley cake..>

Miyaji: Hmm..

Miyaji: It's a special day for you, Lato. Then, If that's what you want, I'd like to make it come true.

Lato: And if I can ask one more thing...

Lato: If you don't mind, I'd like to make that cake together with you...master.

Choices:

<With me?>

Lato: We can't?

Choices:

<It's not that, but..>

<No, I was just a little surprised>

Miyaji: Master, I'm not sure if it's even appropriate for a butler to ask you to do something like this, but...

Miyaji: Could you please help bake this cake with Lato?

Choices:

<Let's bake it together Lato!>

<Sure!>

Lato: Thank you master.

Flure: Good for you, Lato.

Lato: Haha..Once it's ready, I'll let Flure try it too.

Flure: Huh? Y-yeah...Thanks..

Flure: Ah, but…Do you know how to bake a cake?

Lato: No, I have no idea.

Flure: Y-you wanted to make it without even know how to bake?

Miyaji: Don't worry about that, I'll find out how to make it before the day comes.

Miyaji: Master, you can rest assured too.

Choices:

<If Miyaji says so>

<Thank you Miyaji>

Lato: Haha..I'm looking forward to it, master.

Choices:

<Yeah>

- A few days later -

Then, on Lato's birthday in the afternoon...

Miyaji gave us a note written with the recipe... After gathering all the ingredients for the cake, me and Lato went to the kitchen.

Meanwhile Miyaji and Flure prepared for the party in the basement butlers room.

Lato: Speaking of which, this recipe note we received from Professor Miyaji...

Lato: Apparently he asked Lono to help him with it.

Choices:

<So Lono also helped out>

Lato: Yes. Both Lono and Professor Miyaji did it for me...they are very kind.

Choices:

<Okay, Shall we start baking?>

Lato: Yes, let's bake it.

Then we started cooking while looking at the recipe notes.

During the baking process...Lato broke some plates and spilled some ingredients...

It wasn't a smooth process,but...

I followed along as best as I could too... Somehow, Lato and I were able to make the cake according to the recipe.

- After a while -

Lato: Master, the cake dough is ready.

Choices:

<Next, we need to apply the cream>

Lato: Understood.

We spread fresh cream mixed with parsley on the baked dough.

Finally, We sprinkled chopped parsley on the top and the special cake is complete.

Lato: Haha... It looks just like in the picture book.

Lato: Thanks to master's help... I have finally completed my long-awaited parsley cake.

Lato: I could never have made such a wonderful cake by myself.

Lato: Thank you for granting my wish, master.

Choices:

<Today is Lato's birthday after all>

< I'm glad it made you happy>

Lato: Haha... I feel like eating it right now.

Lato: But Professor Miyaji and Flure are preparing the party, so... I'll just have to be patient.

Choices:

<Right>

Lato: Now... before we bring the cake...

Lato: After I change into the costume Flure has prepared. Let's return to the butler's room in the basement...

Under The Moonlight - part 2:

- After a while -

Lato: Sorry to keep you waiting.

Lato: What do you think about this costume?

Choices:

<It suits you>

<So cool>

Lato: Hehe.. Thank you.

Lato: It's a costume that Flure made for me. It's very beautiful, I really love it.

Lato: Now that I'm all dressed… let’s bring the cake.

[Devil's Palace basement hallway]

Knock Knock…

Lato: Is it okay to come in now?

Miyaji: Yes. It's okay now.

Lato: It looks like we can come in. Shall we go?

Choices:

<Yeah>

Clunk...

Miyaji: Welcome to the birthday party venue. Lato and master.

Miyaji: We've just finished preparing it.

Flure: Oh! You've changed into your costume, Lato.

Lato: That's right. How is it?

Flure: Didn't I already told you though when you first tried it on?

Lato: I would like to hear it again.

Flure: Wasn't it enough? It suits you very well.

Lato: Haha... I was complimented by master too just before.

Lato: Thank you Flure, for this beautiful costume.

Flure: You're welcome hehe.

Flure: I'm glad you liked it.

Miyaji: Haha..So Lato, did you enjoy making the cake?

Lato: Yes. It was fun to cook with master.

Lato: Take a look. We made a parsley cake that looks just like the one in the picture book.

Flure: I kind of imagined what it would look like but... W-woah What a strong color.

Flure: This... is not matcha, it's parsley, right?

Lato: Yes, there was a lot of slicing, chopping and mixing involved.

Flure: W-Wow...

Miyaji: Did any of you two got injured anywhere?

Lato: Yes. We are alright thanks to master's support.

Miyaji: Then that's good.

Miyaji: Thank you, master. For all of your help and doing it for Lato.

Choices:

<It was fun cooking with Lato>

Miyaji: Haha..If that's the case I'm glad.

Miyaji: Now then, Lato. I would like you to receive this present from us.

Miyaji said as he placed a lot of dishes on the table.

Lato: this is...

Choices:

<Since when did you prepare it?>

Miyaji: Actually, I was cooking in the kitchen early this morning.

Miyaji: After hearing that Lato is going to make a cake with master.

Miyaji: I wanted to prepare something too for Lato.

Miyaji: I used parsley while preparing the dishes so that Lato could eat it.

Miyaji: By the way, this fried chicken has parsley mixed into the batter...while this is a potage that uses plenty of parsley...

Miyaji: I was able to make it thanks to Lono's help in tasting it, so I'm sure it's delicious.

Choices:

<Amazing!>

Lato: Professor Miyaji, Thank you.

Flure: Well then, it's my turn next.

Flure: Here. This present is from me.

Lato: Oh. this is quite a beautiful box.

Lato: Thank you, Flure. I'll treasure this box.

Flure: ...No, the box is just a container. The gift is what's inside the box.

Flure: Try opening it quickly.

Lato: Inside it? Alright...

When Lato opened the box, he found beautiful forks and spoons inside.

Lato: This is…?

Flure: It's a cutlery set.

Flure: Use it to eat a variety of dishes other than just parsley.

Flure: If you keep being picky about what you like and dislike, you'll end up damaging your health.

Lato: Flure..You were worried about my health...

Lato: Hehe... Thank you so much, I'll treasure it.

Flure: Yeah...

Miyaji: Now that we have given you the presents...

Miyaji: Shall we start the birthday party?

Lato: Yes. So, first of all...

Lato: ..should I start with this cake using the cutlery that Flure gave me.?

Flure: Are you going to start with the cake first?!

Lato: Yes, is it a problem?

Flure: Well..it's Lato's birthday after all... I guess it's best to let him eat what he likes.

Lato: Well, I'll try it.

Lato: Hm.... *munch munch*.

Choices:

<Is it delicious?>

Lato: Yes, it tastes like parsley and it's very delicious.

Choices:

<I'm glad>

Then Lato cut a small piece from the cake... and picked it with the fork, and held it out in front of me.

Choices:

<Huh?>

Lato: Here master try it too.

Flure: Wait-- Lato! What do you think you're doing to master?

Lato: It was so delicious... I really wanted master to try it too...

Lato: Now.... Open your mouth, master.

Miyaji: La..Lato...I understand how you feel, but if you suddenly do something like that, it will cause a problem for the master too.

Lato: Oh... Is there something wrong?

Lato: Professor Miyaji once told us that "the more good things we share, the happier everyone will be."

Miyaji: That's, well... I did said that sometime long ago...

Lato: That's why... I want to share the deliciousness of the cake with the master too.

Lato: Master... Is it bad...?

Choices:

<I-If it's only just one bite...>

Lato: Thank you. Then, Here you go..

Although I was a little hesitant, I took a bite of the piece of cake that Lato offered me.

Lato: Hehe... Master, is it delicious?

Choices:

<M..Mm-hmm>

<I-it's delicious>

Lato: That's good.

Maybe it was because I was nervous... but to be honest, I couldn't really tell the taste of the cake...

But seeing the happy look on Lato's face... made me feel happy too.

- Tonight -

After Lato's birthday party was over... I was relaxing in my room.

While peeking outside the window for a moment, I noticed the beautiful full moon in the sky.

Knock Knock…

Choices:

<Come in>

Clunk...

Lato: Greetings, master

Choices:

<Lato, did something happened?>

Lato: I'd like to have a little chat with you, master.

Lato: If you'd like... would you like to go for a walk outside with me?

Choices:

<Outside?>

My eyes instinctively turn through the window to the moon rising outside.

Lato: It's alright, master. Now I no longer feel pain when I see the full moon.

Choices:

<Are you really okay…?>

Lato: It's really okay. I'm not forcing myself.

Lato: Would you like to come with me?

Choices:

<Okay>

Lato: Haha..Thank you, master.

Step... step...

Lato and I walkd together under the moonlight.

Lato looked at the full moon rising in the sky... rather than looking distressed, he was smiling with joy.

Lato: Being able to take a walk like this with master on a full moon night...

Lato: I couldn't even imagine it just a short time ago.

Choices:

<I'm happy too>

Lato: Haha...

Lato: ......It really feels like a dream.

Lato: Until recently, full moon nights were nothing but painful for me.

Lato: I was suddenly overcome by an inexplicable anxiety and fear, and I lost my composure, breaking things in the room.

Lato: There were times when I harmed Professor Miyaji and others.

Lato: This has always...always...

Lato: This has always happened for over 200 years.

Lato: But everything changed...ever since I met you master.

Lato: The full moon that was once such a painful experience

Lato: Is now just feels so beautiful.

Lato: This is all thanks to meeting you, master.

Choices:

<Lato...>

Then Lato stopped and looked straight in my eyes.

Then he smiled and removed the gloves he was wearing...

Lato: Master... can I hold your hand for just a little while...?

Choices:

<What?>

I was a little confused, but... I reached out my hand towards Lato's outstretched hand.

His cold hand gently held mine.

Lato: Warm…

Lato: I can feel master's life force.

Choices:

<U-umm>

Then Lato pulled my hand towards him and pressed the back of my hand against his cheek.

Choices:

<Lato...!?>

Lato: Shhh. quiet.

Lato: You don't want the other butlers to notice us, right?

Choices:

<S-sorry...>

<B-but...>

Lato: Haha...

Lato: Right now...I am very happy.

Lato: Being next to master.... being able to see master's smile....

Lato: I feel happy to be alive, more than I've ever felt before.

Lato: This...is what called love, right?

Choices:

<T-That...>

<.........>

Lato: Just being able to feel master's warmth like this... makes me feel at ease.

Lato: You, master... have become an indispensable part of my life.

Choices:

<Lato...>

Lato: That's why, master.

Lato: Please don't ever disappear from me...

Lato: Can you promise me that?...

Choices:

<Of course...>

<I'm not going anywhere>

Lato: Haha, thank you.

Lato: Then, me too... I promise not to leave your side.

Lato: We will always be together...forever.

Choices:

<Yes...>

Lato: You are the first person I have ever felt such love and desire to cherish.

Lato: I'm not much interested in my own life but if...

Lato: Next year's birthday too... Two years from now, and ten years from now...

Lato: I could spend those times forever together with you like this, master...

Lato: Looking forward to that... I want to live.

Saying this, he gently squeezed my hand again.

Hearing those words... I squeezed his hand tightly back.

Choices:

<We will celebrate every year>

Lato: Master...

Lato: Yes... that's a promise...

Lato: Because I believe in master...

I felt Lato's cold hands gradually warming up.

Through the warmth of his hands, I could really feel Lato's life force.

- End -

[celestiarambles]

You Can’t Catch Me Now

trigger warning: suicide, overdose, hospitalization, psychiatric hospitals, mental disorders

hi i broke down yesterday so i wrote this… now i’m sobbing once again, but now it’s because of angela xD

this takes place in canon btw, but the fic kinda details it enough (i hope haha)

also, i’m not a big fan of listening to music while reading, but i recommend listening to you can’t catch me now by olivia rodrigo while reading this because i listened to it while writing this fic haha

i apologize if there are any inaccuracies, i hope you enjoy!

Summary: Years of grief and guilt has made Angela believe that she is a horrible human being; a monster… or at least she thought so.

Also cross-posted on Ao3: You Can’t Catch Me Now - celestiamirasol - Criminal Case (Video Game) [Archive of Our Own]

Angela thought she was dead.

She thought she was dead when her 8-year-old self ran through the forest of Kyushu Island, desperately trying to find something, somewhere to hide. 

She wasn’t strong enough for this, and they were looking for someone strong. Someone who could survive.

Thankfully, she found a closet in an abandoned building. She hid herself there for god knows how long, shaking, sobbing, listening to the bloodshed and cries that she could hear from afar.

2 recruits left. Her blood ran cold when she heard the intercom. It was only her and -

The closet door flung open. A girl who seemed older than her, probably in her teenage years stood in front of her, holding a huge rifle. Tears stained the girl’s cheeks, her hair a mess as she stared at a young Angela. 

And then the girl pointed the gun at her own forehead.

”Y-you probably have s-so much ahead of you…” The girl cried… and she pulled the trigger.

Angela thought she was dead when her 29-year-old self went to face her adoptive parents once and for all. When she wanted to put a stop to all of this.

“You know that you can’t marry someone else outside of SOMBRA, Angela.” A woman that she called mother - an endearment that left an odd taste in her mouth - scoffed at her.

”Oh, I know.” Angela took a sip of water. They were talking about this over dinner. “But I’m not asking for your blessing. I’m just leaving you a warning; if you ever try to hurt him -“

“Cheon-sa!” Her adoptive ‘father’ gave an eerie chuckle. If anything else, she hated her birth name. It reminded her about who she truly is… and what she lost. “Don’t worry, he seems like a nice fellow.” He took her hand. “Maybe you could introduce -“

“No, I’m not going to let you meet him, and I’m not going to let you recruit him!” She stood up, slamming her fists at the table. Her outburst earned her a slap from her ‘mother’. That was the first time they ever hit her.

“You ungrateful brat!” The woman pulled her hair. Angela was a grown adult, but she felt like that same 8-year old girl who lost her real parents all over again. “We raised you, fed you, dressed you, gave you an education… a life… and this is how you’ll repay us?!”

Fear pooled in her eyes when her ‘father’ stood up and calmly took out his prized gun that he had on display. It clicked. She was definitely that same girl who ran through Kyushu Island. It was her all along. “Cheon-sa… you’re a good girl. A smart one, even. You should reconsider this. Surely, you’re not going to throw away everything we’ve worked so hard for just for some guy… right?”

No. She definitely was the same girl, but girls grow up. They fight. And in this moment, she knew that she had to fight. “Lars isn’t just some guy!” Angela yelled, pushing the woman who held her. Her ‘mother’. “Unlike you, he has integrity! He’s smart and kind and has treated me like a family more than you did over the past few years!”

“ENOUGH!” Her ‘father’ shouted, firing a hollow shot at her. There were no bullets in that gun. Angela took that cue to run. To leave. She left Busan that night, weeping.

SOMBRA - her adoptive parents - told her that the strong rule and the weak die. Crying was weak. She wiped her tears. She had to be strong. Not for SOMBRA, but for Lars. For her family.

And thus, she never left. She stayed to protect Lars. Her family.

She thought she was dead when her 41-year-old self survived that plane crash that targeted the Bureau. That targeted her and her family.

She knew her efforts trying to sabotage the Bureau weren’t enough. But deep inside, she cared for them. Lars saw them as family, so she began to see them as a family too, especially during the times when they’ve put up with her daughters’ shenanigans, comforted her during the times she was down, supported all of her achievements and all of her crazy hobbies. They made her feel like a little girl again, freely exploring, healing the childhood that she lost.

However, she was not a little girl anymore. She had to prove herself. To fight.

And she paid the price heavily.

During her time in prison, guilt wrecked her for months. Her arrest made her realize that she wasn’t a lost and scared little girl, nor she wasn’t a woman who knew how to fight. She was a monster. 

And like the fairytales that she would read to her kids to make them fall asleep, monsters had to die.

So when SOMBRA broke her out, told her to bomb the Bureau, her family… She had to accept. But she had to go down with them. 

She snuck through the Bureau’s break room, planting the bomb while drunk. After planting it, she took another shot of whiskey. She is a monster through and through. She is SOMBRA. 

She thought she was dead when she planted that bomb. She thought she was going to kill herself along with the Bureau that day, but the agents caught her and brought her back to prison. And instead, Jonah was the one who took the hit.

Deep inside, she was thankful that the Bureau didn’t get hurt, that no one died due to the bomb she planted. That they had finally stopped SOMBRA. But she was still a monster. She killed someone and betrayed the Bureau. Tried to kill them, even. She tried to kill her family. 

SOMBRA may now be over, but she was still SOMBRA through and through. A monster. And monsters didn’t deserve a loving family.

She pushed them away. She made them believe that she was angry, full of hatred… she even told them that Dupont deserved to die… but she didn’t mean anything that she said. She was that same little girl in Kyushu that was begging for help. That was begging to be saved. 

But she believed that she was a lost cause. She cannot be saved anymore.

She thought she was dead when she drank a whole bottle of sleeping pills the night she returned to prison. She wanted to end everything. Her time in this world was now done anyway. She lost her purpose, everything she had worked so hard for, her family. The world hated her. The people she loves hated her. 

Still, she was a villain. A monster. And monsters didn’t deserve anything good in this life.

But instead of something else, probably the burning pits of hell, she found herself in a dreary hospital room when she woke up. On one side was a beeping heart monitor, and the other was a fresh bouquet of flowers.

Her heart thudded. She wanted to scream, cry, get out of here. She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve this life.

A doctor entered the room, eyes widening once he saw her sitting up. “It’s good to see you awake, Mrs. Douglas. You’ve been in a coma for three years.”

Tears fell down her cheeks when she heard that surname. It reminded her of the girl she could’ve been. All this time, even when Lars said that he didn’t love her anymore, that he vowed to never see her again… he still never divorced her. 

No. He should hate her. Despise her. She didn’t deserve him.

Due to the thoughts running in her mind, she didn’t understand what the doctor was saying about her. All that she understood is that she won’t be returning to prison anymore. They were taking her to a psychiatric hospital.

She didn’t know who thought that she was still worth redeeming. She didn’t deserve empathy, not even pity. She was a monster. 

A therapist told her that she had a severe case of bipolar disorder and PTSD. They said that she was also admitted to a psychiatric hospital in Australia, which made her break down. Of all the places, why here? Why in the place where she once believed that she could run away from all of this, to just live a normal life?

Even though they told her that she wasn’t responsible for her actions, that she was brainwashed, manipulated by SOMBRA, she couldn’t believe them. How could she? She still did what she did, and she had to pay the price. Her family hated her. She did all of them on her own accord.

A year later, her therapist told her she had a visitor. She didn’t want to believe them. However, standing behind the therapist was Lars, wearing a visitation badge. 

He excused the therapist so he could enter the room. “Hi. How are you -“

Angela started to cry. Why was he here? Why was he like this? She didn’t deserve him. She wanted to push him away… but she couldn’t find the strength to.

Lars glanced at the therapist and then hugged her. “Hey, shh, it’s alright…”

“W-why are you here?” She managed to speak in between sobs. “You hate me.”

”Shh, I don’t hate you.” He whispered and then turned to the therapist. “Could you… give us a moment?”

The therapist nodded. “I’ll be nearby if you need anything.”

Once they left, he continued to comfort his wife. “I brought flowers, but they didn’t allow me to give them to you.”

”Why are you doing this?” She quietly asked. “I ruined everything… I tried to kill you… the Bureau… I killed someone…”

“Angela…” A tear fell down his eye. “I’ll admit that I wanted to hate you. I wanted to forget you. But I didn’t. I couldn’t.”

“But why didn’t you?!” She cried, turning her back on him. “I’m a terrible person, Lars…”

He had to choose his words for a moment. After a while, he spoke. “The prison told me you… overdosed. I was angry at you, but I was also worried. I honestly… didn’t want to lose you. I remember you said SOMBRA took you in when you were eight… That made me think and review your case.”

”That doesn’t excuse anything…”

”No, listen.” He took her hand, making her face him once again. “The Bureau was disbanded already, so while you were in a coma, I hired a private investigator to investigate your early life and your ties with SOMBRA. They manipulated you, Angela… they abused you emotionally… something was wrong. I even asked Marina for help, and she agreed with me. She and I petitioned the court to review your case once again, I pleaded that you were not criminally responsible for what you did.”

”But I am, Lars! I killed someone! I have a long list of crimes that I have to pay for!”

”Your sickness and trauma are to blame, Angela. Not you. SOMBRA is to blame.” He brought his hand to her cheek to wipe her tears. “The private investigator found your adoptive parents, and I met with them… in jail.”

“You’re not supposed to meet them, they’re dangerous! I made sure of that…”

“Shh, I chose to meet with them, okay? They told me how you fought for me… for us…” He started to cry as well, tears continuously streaming down. “I remember how you told me that marrying me was the first time you disobeyed SOMBRA. So this time… I wanted to be the one to fight for you.”

“But… no…” Angela pulled away in disbelief. “I am SOMBRA. You shouldn’t… You and the girls deserve a better life… a life without me…”

“Hey… SOMBRA’s over, remember?” He smiled at her, his voice breaking. “They’ve been gone for years now. You’re not SOMBRA anymore. You’re free.”

She remembered how she heard that the Bureau took down SOMBRA. How she silently rejoiced. How all her fears and worries came to an end. She knew that Lars was right about one thing; she was free.

”Oh -“ Lars stopped upon seeing her break down again. “Can I hug you again?”

He didn’t have to ask her twice. She threw her arms around him, crying. They both cried together for who knows how long. 

“I shouldn’t be telling you this, but…” Lars sobbed. “I tried to move on, to find someone else… but they were just not you.”

“I honestly don’t blame you…” Angela knew that he deserved to be happy. Even if it meant that she was not the source of his happiness anymore.

”I’m also seeking help, y’know. What happened to you hurt me horribly. There was a point where I visited you everyday in the hospital, and the nurses scolded me for bringing you so many flowers…” He laughed in between tears. “When I heard that you woke up, I wanted to visit you, but the doctors didn’t let me. They said you were unstable. Then I requested them to transfer you here, but they still didn’t let me see you! This was the first time that they let me. I sent you letters instead, by the way… my therapist suggested it.”

She recalled the letters her therapist gave her. She broke away for a moment to get a box of papers hidden under her bed. They said they were from Lars, but she refused to believe them. “So they were really from you… I’m sorry, I thought that… I didn’t…”

”It’s okay, I understand.” He helped her with the box and they both carried it to the bed. “They’re also not letting the girls see you since they’re still young. But they’ve grown so much.”

”The… girls?” She would understand if her daughters hated her, if they didn’t consider her as their mother anymore. She understood if she was dead to them, mourning, grieving, but most likely hating her. She disappeared from their life at such a young age. Like her real parents did. 

“Yes, I’ve been trying to explain your situation to them. They’ve been having a hard time understanding it…”  They both looked at each other’s eyes. “But they still miss you. I miss you.”

For the first time in a while, Angela smiled. “I miss you too.”

“I love you, okay? I hope you’ll always remember that.”

In that afternoon, Angela rummaged through the papers, reading them with Lars one by one. Some made her laugh, some made her cry.

But at that moment, she realized that she was not dead. She was very, very much alive. And for once, she didn’t have to fight alone.

[kisskisskys]

Hey, hope you’re doing better… time will make things better, believe me. Just here to give some advice ig, I don’t if it’ll be useful or not, but here I go.

First of all, you are not a bad person. You couldn’t know he was an abuser at all, none of us could… Even if there were signs or not; abusers tend to be good at hiding them… Also we never really know a content creator/celebrity/influencer/etc. We just don’t. The person who they show us can be just a part of them or a completely made up “show” persona. So, it’s not your fault for not knowing and admiring/loving him while you didn’t know. You did nothing wrong at all.

Now that you know, you can do smth abt it. If you want you can give away stuff you have of him (like merch) or use it in privately (as to not show any more support for him). Please don’t burn stuff or throw it away in the trash just to make a point; it really helps no one, you’ve already payed for it, you can’t take the money back, so better give it another use—reuse, reduce and recycle pretty much.

This will be controversial, but you aren’t a bad person for liking something that was made by a bad person. I know this is the “separate the art from the artist” conversation… but just here me out: sometimes I think it’s really not the sin everyone is making it out to be, as long as you try not to support the “artist” (content creator and his music in this case) any longer and acknowledge that the artist is bad, I think you are okay.

You aren’t tainted, bad or somehow it means you are an apologist. It really doesn’t. Just be cautious with it; not saying this like in a “hide that you like him so ppl don’t realize you like him and so /know/ or think you are bad person”, but more in the “some people might be triggered by him and because of what was reveled it’s probably best to try not to support him anymore”.

Support always meaning giving him more money, expanding his voice, introducing more ppl to him and his music, etc.

That said. You can still listen to his music if you want. Again, it’s not a sin or reflection of who you are; it doesn’t make you bad by association or bad at all. Just try to listen it in other ways to not give him any more money or any more of a platform.

You could listen to his music on ytb, many channels have uploaded his stuff and since they are not official acc’s I don’t think he gets any money from it. You could download his music and listen to it outside Spotify or whatever; you can do so from ytb with YouTube Convertors :) You could also listen him from SoundCloud, just make sure the /file/ you listening wasn’t uploaded by the official band (if they even have a SoundCloud acc?).

I wanna add. Just like this could be a “separate the art from the artist” conversation, ig it could also be a “death of the author” one. You are free to take whatever you want from his art, it is yours now and having that doesn’t make you bad because he is bad. Doesn’t really work like that.

Lastly I guess, it takes time to grow out of an attachment to someone. So please give yourself time, be kind to yourself… It will happen eventually, believe me.

In the meanwhile, specially if you feel too guilty about listening to him or watching his content, you can look for alternatives. There’s plenty of recommendations going around rn, both for similar music and streamers to listen/watch instead; so you could look into those. Yk what they say: nothing like a new hyperfixation to replace another B) haha Idk if anyone has ever said that but sometimes it works like that.

Hope you feel better soon. I do. Hope you get to forgive yourself if you need to? I don’t think you did anything bad, but sometimes we feel like we did regardless… so I hope you found forgiveness if you need it. Remember to be kind to yourself and give it time.

Best of luck. Sending good vibes to you too 🌟✨💫🌸🌻🌱

Thanks so much Anon, that is actually really helpful advice. Luckily, I have other content creators, it’s just hard to go from being obsessed and worshipping him to crying in bed because he is a bad person. I don’t have any merch, but I wanted the records for record day, but I kinda didn’t think it was a good idea anymore… At first, I was trying to distance myself, ignore it cause it hurt to much to think. What I was doing yesterday was keeping myself constantly busy so I didn’t get the chance to think at all. Now I’m kinda accepting it and a little step forward I’ve seen myself take is instead ignoring videos bashing Wilbur on TikTok, I watch them and not avoid them. It’s baby steps but it’s something. I used to use YCGMA to fall asleep, but stopped two nights ago coincidentally, I haven’t dreamed, or haven’t had as vivid of dreams that I’m used to. I basically conditioned myself to be obsessed with him, and not I need unconditioned myself.

[foliejpg]

alright heres a shit ton

6, 7, 11, 20, 21, 24, 27, and 28

oh boy here we go i had to switch from mobile to desktop for this. thank you for sending so many i love answering these <3

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

oh for sure! i reread a lot of my friends fics so anything by @cryptophasiac @lakemichiganlolita @petefromarma @buildarocketboys assume i have read it multiple times. and also go read their fics asap<3 as far as individual fics, i'm sure there are specific ones that i cannot think of right now lmao chances are if its in my bookmarks, i've read it a few times

7. How many ideas for fics do you have right now?

flushed out ideas, not many lol my brain writes dialogue first, i'll hear someone say something and then write in my notes app so i can use it at a later time, but not actual ideas really

11. Do you have specific playlists for writing fics?

i don't actually haha i'm usually watching tv or a youtube video while i write honestly. when i listen to music i get distracted by it lmfao

20. What’s a favorite title for a fic you’ve written?

i really liked that all of the titles of my girlpete fics were from the same album "if i can't have love, i want power" by halsey (which is absolutely one of my All Time Absolute Favorite albums and can't recommend enough) but only 4/6 have titles w lyrics from that album. the other two are lyrics from "fall with me" by the wild reeds and "snake charmer" by blink 182 lmao

21. Have you ever deleted an entire scene after spending hours laboring over it? If so, why?

i've had full complete fics that have gotten chopped up and repurposed. what usually happens is there's something about the finished fic or scene that doesn't Scratch that Itch i want it too, so it'll get put on the back burner until i can take my favorite bits and pieces and use them somewhere else. as far as outright like, backspace delete a scene, no i don't think i ever have. i save every single draft of a fic just in case. sometimes i look through old drafts and end up finding something i like lol

24. Share a moodboard for (one of) your current WIP(s).

i don't make moodboards i do have a girl out boy pinterest though which is mostly just like.. clothes lol

27. Is there a fic you were nervous to post/share? Why?

every single one lol before i post any fic, there's always a moment of anxiety like its going to go over super poorly or whatever. i've been super lucky that people tell me how much they enjoy my fics and it really does mean to world to hear bc i'm my own biggest critic lol but specifically? "i'd do anything to make you feel" because it was kind of the darkest fic i've posted? and "if everything could ever feel this way forever" bc it does have the non-con tag and i had never posted anything so dub/non-con lol

28. Have you ever tagged a fic “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat”?

not that specific tag no but i did tag "i'd do anything to make you feel" as dead dove adjacent lol there was nothing inherently dead dove but the themes i understand could make ppl uncomfy so i added it for a heads up

[hotwaterandmilk]

Out of curiosity, how many Kaleido Star soundtracks are there? How many would you have to buy to make sure you had all of the music? I fell in love with the first opening theme just through previews, but it looks like that special 2 disk album doesn't even have it. I really don't understand how this part of the anime world functions.

Hi, Kaleido Star is an interesting case regarding its soundtracks -- most were included as bonuses with DVD box set releases and not available for standard sale. There were 5 of these not-for-sale soundtracks produced in total.

The "Kyuukyoku no Sugoi Soundtrack" was released later and is the only soundtrack album offered for retail sale, which is why even now it is in such demand. The "Kyuukyoku no Sugoi Soundtrack" collects together all the tracks from those 5 not-for-sale releases together in 1 deluxe release, allowing you to have all of Kubota Mina's BGM in one place.

Some anime soundtracks will include the OP/ED themes along with BGM and some will not, it really depends on licensing and other factors that may vary between companies and series.

If you're looking to own "take it, shake it" from Kaleido Star specifically, then you'd want to track down the ~Hajimete no Sugoi Mini Album~ (TFCC-86137) which includes the OP and ED, Sora's theme BGM x 2, and a short drama track.

These days all these CDs are out of print, save for the temporary repressing of the "Kyuukyoku no Sugoi Soundtrack". So if you'd like to track down these older releases I'd recommend Surugaya or similar websites to secure second-hand copies.

Hope that helps you a bit, I'm not an expert on Kaleido Star by any means but it does have an interesting CD release history haha.

[aokuro-san]

Anyway… Continuing with the experiment.

I'm pretty tired now, so I won't start talking like usual.

New history! This time I have opted for one that I wrote in October of last year for a Wattpad contest in which I didn't win, but I received quite a few good comments about it. More than horror, it is dark fantasy, and its protagonist (or antagonist, rather) are characters from inca mythology.

I hope you enjoy it as much as the previous one (as you can see I'm happy with little, haha)!

@iwanttofuckereh69 I already tagged you, don't worry 💛😅

Thank you for reading^^

PS: If you see any errors, as always! Don't be afraid to tell me (after all, I don't speak English)!

They were there to investigate a sinkhole that had appeared near the mines, but that didn't stop the leader from preparing a small party. It was Halloween after all. He had organized it with one of the Asian guides, expecting some enthusiasm from the rest. However, when they returned, most of them gave exhausted smiles and dressed up more out of commitment. Although Dimara, no. As her best friend had warned them, she lived on celebrations. So it was no problem for her to put on the blood-colored dress that Victor had consciously given her and go out dancing.

"Asu mare!". The leader approached her as he took a step toward what looked like a makeshift dance floor. "You are just like Mina".

"Come on, don't talk to me about mines, Vicky!", she snorted as she grabbed his arm. "Let's better move our hips, huh? I like the music you've played".

It was just a random song on her phone, but Dimara always managed to make his feel like a genius. She was grateful that the Sernageomin and the company had recommended her for that job, even though the hole seemed to be a rather problematic case for everyone's safety.

According to her, that hole was abnormal.

"The first time it was thirty-three meters wide and about two hundred feet deep," she informed him a week before the party. "But in today's calculations the diameter has grown to almost four centimeters wide and we cannot find the bottom".

"I see it as normal," he had tried to reassure her. "We are surrounded by mining settlements, the sinkholes are growing".

"It's not that it's not normal," Dimara reflected, almost offended, "but the logical thing is that it wouldn't have changed so much. But it's not there! The fund has gone overnight! Isn't it amazing!?".

She didn't want to bring up the topic while they were both jumping to the rhythm of rock. She had made it clear. However, she had forgotten to ask the others about today's progress. So she gasped like a minnow, searching for the right words that wouldn't spoil the mood, until Dimara diverted his attention from his.

"Wow, who is that?"

There was a man dressed as Van Hellsing resting his ass on one of the tables.

"Does it sound familiar to you?", she insisted.

"No," answered the leader, before smiling. "I guess it's a good costume".

Dimara did not pay attention to him and said:

"He's looking at Ruth".

Her best friend was chatting with one of her fellow geologists, but the attention of the stranger made her lose concentration. He had the darkest eyes either of them had ever seen, and Dimara almost had the feeling that, more than flirting with her, what he intended was to eat her. However, that did not allow him not to let Ruth approach him with a shy smile and, later, she disappeared with him in the bathroom area, while she sent Dimara a look of pride. He thought that if he interfered, Ruth would not stop berating her, knowing that she didn't like arguing with her. Therefore, she ended up sighing simultaneously with the change of song and tried not to digress on how little she recognized that pale hunter.

Dimara didn't see her again until midnight, when she herself went to the toilets and Ruth's disfigured corpse appeared inside one of the individual tents. She gasped, screams of horror stuck in her throat. Her best friend was sitting on the portable toilet, without her nun outfit or her plump hips. In fact, her flesh and fat had disappeared from the thighs up and a kind of demonic, skinless cat was observing her, imposing, from inside her abdomen.

"Keep calm," the kitten meowed as he transformed into a tiny Inca with a dragon face, "or I'll have to shut you up."

As expected, this had the opposite effect on Dimara and the being was forced to modify itself faster than normal. She locked them both in the bathroom, attached to Ruth's body, and there animal metamorphosed into a broad man of medium height who silenced the geologist's screams with a suffocating hug.

"Stop it," he threatened harshly. "Do you understand, Diana Maria? Enough of nonsense. When I catch the pishtaco you can cry whatever you want. But until then I need a calm guide to help me detect it among so many false masks".

Her initial response was to cry, staring blankly at the zipper of the store. Afterwards, she sniffed while she tried not to vomit, and finally nodded; without really knowing why.

As she lifted her chin toward him, she thought she was being hypnotized by his glassy, piercing eyes. She didn't feel less than a rag doll.

"Now guide me," she ordered and ipso facto she left the bathrooms towards her ignorant colleagues, with the being's claws pressing on her shoulders. Would others see it? No one seemed to realize what was happening and he heard the creature's voice incessantly in his head, as if a swarm of flies had settled there inside.

"I'm sorry," she said. "It was my mission to ensure that he did not go out tonight. But that damn hole has given him the perfect opportunity to go out and do his thing for Kai Pacha".

"Why did he…?" Dimara asked him, practically gone. He couldn't find Van Hellsing.

"Who knows. Maybe eat? Maybe cover the scales of the Uku Pacha with your fat and thus earn our forgiveness? He has always been a peculiar guy".

Suddenly, someone whispered an apology to them. A man with a unique beard who brushed his cape with Dimara and made his hair stand on end. He didn't need to take a look at him eye sockets to know who it was, and he chased him through the crowd. Of course, the pishtaco quickly realized this and, almost knowing that his god was also tracking him, he pulled out a kind of knife from his sleeve and savagely cut the throats of several members of the team who were dancing around him. He continued to rip out their flaccid parts in record time; the rest panicked and hindered his captors' mission enough for he to flee down the valley, toward the place where he had come from.

"Run, Diana Maria!" the demon encouraged her as her leader begged her to return to the hill.

Dimara trotted across the broken earth, following the billowing cape the creature wore. How well he had done in not taking off his boots! She was grateful that she hadn't given in to his hedonism, for once, as she tried not to fall into some treacherous hole. Even though it wasn't easy for him to do it with a devil imprisoning his neck.

From one moment to the next, the sinkhole appeared in front of them and Dimara had to brake hard. The pishtaco had disappeared and he decided to look into the hole. Would he have returned to the world of the dead? He couldn't help but compare the darkness of that hole with the murderer's eyes and, almost instantly, he appeared solemnly on the other side of the gap, as if he had come from nowhere. Neither in his hands nor in his mouth was there a trace of what happened that evening. However, he pulled out the gun again; this time to threaten his own life.

Dimara's voice shook when he spoke.

"What have you done?", she asked. Nevertheless, the being didn't even glance at her. He spoke directly to the devil, who had already adopted the corporeal form of a red, hairy dragon that ran over the voluminous body of his guide.

"I still have fat, Supay," said the pishtaco. "We can treat as before".

"You know that evil must exist, but not be the only thing," said the evil one. "The scale always exceeds when you are around. Too many dead children in exchange for your little effort, too many crashed planes because of the fruitlessness of your methods. Recognize, at least, that you only bring misfortunes without teaching,” he laughed, bored. "And because? Because of your nature? Control is what defines the gods. Therefore, until you understand it, you must remain in me".

Then, Supay glided over the sinkhole and, transformed into a gigantic warrior with long fangs, caught the being with a bite and disappeared with him through the hole, without saying goodbye, or thank you, to a Dimara who was as stunned as she was silent. Afterwards, the geologist was finally on the verge of crying. But the sudden vision of Ruth's soul made her swallow every one of her tears. She was in the same place where pishtaco had just met her end, accompanied by the rest of the lost souls on Halloween. They smiled at him. And they didn't stop doing it even when Dimara saw them rushing towards the same place where his judge and her executioner had gone.

[innitmarvellous]

Do you listen to any specific music when you write fics ? Any recommendations ?

Same with books, do you have any favorite atm and do you have any recommendations ?

You’ve also talked about some fanfic ideas, how far into production are they? Are they almost done or are they still being tweaked ?

What is your fave HIGNFY season and for what reasons ?

Ooh! Thanks for the ask, anon! Let's just hope my answers will be at least slightly interesting, haha. Probably not, but I like going on about random stuff...so thanks again ;)

I usually don't listen to music while I'm writing (but I do need some background noise and for some reason people talking in English works best, so I often put on BBC News or something lol). But there are some occasions where a certain song just reminds me a lot of a fic because of the lyrics or general vibe, and in that case I sometimes listen to that song on endless repeat during writing. But, er...my music taste isn't really anything to brag about. I'm mostly into classical music, metal, Jpop/Kpop and I recently started listening to the Beatles. Anyway, I don't think I can recommend anything, sorry 😅

I've been reading mostly non-fiction books about British politics this year and some of them were really good, but...that might not be this interesting, so I won't start nerding out about my fave politics books, haha. As for some more general recommendations, here are some of my more recent fiction favourites I could think of off the top of my head (and I'm doing my best not to mention only very obscure stuff & classics here :D):

- the entire Shardlake series by C.J.Sansom

- Snow Country by Yasunari Kawabata

- the Dublin Trilogy by Caimh McDonnell

- Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke

- and I really enjoyed the Bright Empires series by Stephen R Lawhead earlier this year...but the end was a bit unsatisfying so idk if I would really 100% recommend it.

As for fics, when I have a more or less good idea I usually start working on it immediately, so that's why I've got quite a few WIPs in different states of completion (about 12 or so). Apart from my ongoing series I'm mostly working on two HIGNFY fics (one one-shot and another really long multi-chapter one...I think I mentioned both of these without any details though) which will be pretty silly :D And these are taking up most of my writing time, so...the shorter one will be finished soon. No idea about the long one though, I never plan my plots in advance so I honestly can't say where this will go, haha. Anyway, both of them are so much fun to write and I'm looking forward to posting them, so...I'm having a great time :D

My favourite HIGNFY season...I remember that I really liked S6, but I don't know if there was a special reason 🤔 And the most recent S66 was also really fun, I think. Other than that...obviously the ones with lots of great Paul looks/outfits are the best, like S4-S8 S14, S16, S19...in short, way too many. Sorry 😅

[sunofmoon]

OKAY SO LIKE I SAID I CHECKED ONE OF UR ALBUMS AND NOW I HAVE THOUGHTS that i really wanted to share 👉👈

First if all — this singer has such such such a soft nice voice so smooth but fully able to rock out and growl and shit i love it???? lowkey stevie nicks vibes and honestly Brazilian Portuguese is such a pretty language but maybe that’s bc I can’t understand anything lmaoo

I really enjoy chega mais - it’s got a funky beat to it and honestly the chorus of chega mais repeated x100 got stuck in my head lol

i like the papai me empresta o carro and i looked up the lyrics and even though google doesn’t always do a great job at translating, the lyrics were quite funny???? Or maybe i was wrong? But a whole ass rock song about begging ur dad to lend u his car so u can take ur friends to the movies??? 10/10 for lyrics alone😂

But as for my favorite songs out of the album im stuck between corre-corre which gives me such strong fleetwood mac vibes im in love and mania de voce which just so nice and soft and I’m imagining myself by the beach sipping strawberry daiquiries the 10 times I’ve had it on repeat 🍹🍹

Honestly the whole album is a 10/10 an absolute jam and this was such a fun way to discover new music i love it🥰🥰

OMG U RLLY LISTENED TO THE ALBUM ASHUHAHAHAHH PLS ALWAYS FEEL FREE TO SHARE YOUR MUSICAL THOUGHTS I WILL LOVE TO HEAR IT

rita lee is considered the queen of brazilian rock and she is an icon - and obviously i'm not just saying this because i'm a big fan of hers - but she was a woman ahead of her time with amazing songs that had good humor, social criticism and pokes at issues that were considered morally wrong

oh portuguese is a very beautiful language indeed but I've been told before that it's hard to learn and i agree so don't worry about it haha but i'm here in case u want help with some translation or something

the rhythm of "Chega Mais" is SO GOOD, i always feel like dancing around when i hear it and i particularly love what she did with her voice tones, always changing to express some feeling (don't worry bestie this refrain is addictive and sticks in your head like a gum)

HAHA i don't have much to say about "papai me empresta o carro", just jump on the bandwagon and listen to the best that 70s/80s brazilian rock can offer u 😂😂😂

"Mania de você" is my favorite by far, this song has a nice rhythm and the softness of rita's voice always lulls me in besides the fact that the lyrics are literally an explosion of feelings

I'm SO HAPPY YOU LIKE IT (AND HAVE COME HERE!!!) can i recommend others of them to u? I'll just leave them here in case u want to listen, but no pressure!

[mekanikaltrifle]

I got questions for more than one chara!

For Knox: What do you miss most about your old home?

For the hunters: Do you have any comfort foods?

For Dani: Do you have any music recommendations?

Oh gods they're all in a room together (tbh I think they'd get along..... decently. As long as Leo behaves) (I'm gonna have to put these under a readmore after Knox's answer) "Oh, that's a question. I try not to think of home often," she laughs, and it's not an entirely uncomfortable one. It's not super friendly either. "It's probably unrecognisable these days. I haven't been back over the Atlantic since I was still breathing, but one thing I enjoyed in Scotland that I have not really felt here in Los Angeles... probably the quiet. I used to live by farmland, on the outskirts of what was a big town for me then, but I think since then my perspective's been skewed. It got much darker at night there than here, I think. I remember it being so anyway. Memory's a funny girl, but she's not such a liar I can't recall the stars at night."

She tips her head in thought and recalls something. It softens her expression a little.

-- "Comfort food! Yeah, okay, uh--" Leo starts as Cody sits his fidgety ass down on the chair under him. "You're gonna hurt yourself, man." "Sorry, uh, I just... got kinda into it," he laughs a little awkwardly. "I'll just say, I'm a big chicken and rice kinda guy. Or fried fish. That stuff's always good and never gets a complaint from me," Cody grins, and then lets Leo talk. "I haven't had my favourite food in fucking years man, cause like... I dunno, nobody I know makes it right. But if you wanna sit down and take the edge off a bad night, I can only recommend a big fuckin grilled cheese, or a burger y'know? Solid and reliable and honestly make it big enough and you're forgetting whatever upset you so bad cause the food coma's knocking you into next week!" "That is a food crime, Leo," Juniper mutters from her spot somewhere nearby. "Uh-huh, I never heard you complain about grilled cheese sandwiches!" "I'd rather have a good chili." "You didn't like the last time Cody made chili!" "Midwest chili ain't good chili." The ensuing verbal discourse would go on too long to be a good read, so we'll leave them here having a Discourse(tm). -- You spot Dani shuffling through a bunch of papers. She's pretty focused but asking her the question gets her attention, and she smiles her big, unselfconscious smile. "Haha, I know you didn't just ask me for music recommendations, did you? Oh, you did? Haha, uh, right. So, how familiar are you with death metal? Wait," she folds her handful of mystic notes away into a drawer in the desk she's sat at and turns to lean her elbows on her knees. "We probably would do best starting with something that's fun for the whole family: Judas Priest. You literally cannot say no to the grand masters of thrash! You should have heard the guys on the dig whenever I busted out Night Crawler!" She shakes her head and laughs. "I mean, I know they weren't so into it but I think they liked it, they just really liked the whole 'no Daniela, you can't have the aux' angle cause they thought they were funny.... Anyway! I mean if you wanna go for something more brutal, I've got a lot here... You want it in English? I've got a bunch of weird obscure Mexican deathgrind guys here if you wanna take a look... Some of em dropped like one album before completely disappearing off the face of the earth-- here, how about these guys...?" She's unboxed the CD case, it's all over for you now. Prepare for five straight hours of the most incomprehensible rage-fueled brutality you've ever heard, in multiple languages.

[lasttraintowherever]

There are so many things I wish I could tell you. I used to hold you at such high regard, feeling so close to you, but now all that’s left is the memory of you. That memory served as a reminder that trusting a gut instinct is always the right decision. Time and time again people would warn me about you, but I failed to listen because I believed us to be friends and have good intentions. Though in the end, it became apparent that wasn’t the case. I remember feeling like I could be the one to change you, and honestly, I probably could’ve. But you’re right, I’m probably too good for you. I’ve never had to beg anyone for attention because most people see my worth without me saying a word. It’s the aura, it’s the way I carry myself, it’s my mean look. It’s the rbf you told me you really liked haha.

If I could say something to you it’d be that I loved you.

If I could say something to you it’d be that I miss your music recommendations.

If I could say something to you it’d be that I’ve made her cum more for me than she ever has for you, which is wild considering I’ve had a fourth of the time lol.

If I could say something to you, I’d say I’m sorry it ended this way.

I never meant to hurt you, I truly did love you. Just not in the way you wanted me to.

I wanted to be with you, even when I denied it to my ex. I repressed it, like a gay teenager represses themselves into the closet.

I wanted to, but at the same time, I’d never put myself out there for you, because I’m not one to try twice. I’d rather stay repressed than to put myself out there for you again.

I know despite how dumb you are, you’re smart enough to understand what we had.

It’s funny, I remember telling my ex about how I always feel like I’m so awkward and nervous with you in person. And she’d say it’s cause I liked you, I denied it. And maybe I did have a bit of a crush on you, but that died the moment I went to west palm. On the final date I took you on, I could tell you were nervous. Which is funny because… I’d never noticed it before? I think I was so caught up in my previous nerves over you to notice it. In all honestly, it had probably been there all along but i never noticed it. But finally, when I lost all attraction to you, I could tell you were nervous around me, the type you’d have with a crush. And I’m happy I didn’t do anything with you, because though I could’ve, it would’ve left me more confused than assured. Plus I got all the assurance I needed in west palm, le ponistes los cuernos. You’re exactly what you hated in others, a cheater.

Neither of our exes deserved to feel how we made them feel. But unlike you, I’ve got the spine to admit it.

The heartbreak of a friend somehow hit me harder than the heartbreak of a lover, crazy.

[lennalefay]

hey so i saw your reblog and uh yeah you got any rythm games to reccomend? (I play mostly osu!mania kind of games)

Yesssss tytyty! Let's do this! And I play more traditional Beatmania-style stuff anyway so that works! OK so I will say that a lot of the rhythm games I tend to play and recommend are a bit more self-contained, that while I do mess with osu!mania from time to time, I mainly play stuff without custom songs, or at least officially. BUT! I do still recommend these a ton! I also know that there's a good chance you may know these, but I'm adding them in just in case you don't or if anyone else reads! Just didn't want you to think I am assumin' your level of experience with the genre. Hokay! So!

Beatmania IIDX

(Arcade, PS2, PC sorta) Basically the mother of any traditional 4-to-8-key rhythm games. Beatmania I and III were novelties, but there are now **30** standard versions of IIDX and for good reason. Literal thousands of song+difficulty combos and all damn types of genres, and punishing but classic 7-key gameplay. Iirc Beatmania was also the first keysounded rhythm game and you still simply can't go wrong with it. The problem is the barrier to play -- either gotta find an arcade version or get an old PS2 and find a PS2-compatible controller. You can also hack the arcade versions and get them on PC but it's very tricky. But it's certainly worth it!

---

DJMAX Respect V

(PC highly recommended - also PS4-5, Xbox but missing some features) Probably the rhythm game I play the most nowadays, especially good because it is played best with a standard computer keyboard - no fancy tech. Incredibly high production value, tons of really good original music and good collabs, and 4, 5, 6, and 8-key modes with players at all levels. Visuals and customizations + unlockables are amazing, tons of DLC and a season pass (that lets you play DLC for free online w/ others), and even very robust ranked online play make this my absolute biggest recommendation. The game is a full $49 price so for a rhythm game it can be a bit pricey, but it tends to go on massive sales during most Steam sale periods, usually like ~75% off! (Also message me if you get this and I will totally play with.)

---

Muse Dash

(PC, Mobile, Switch) I slept on this game WAY too long. It just looked too much like a platformer at first to have, like, a ton of rhythm game depth, but it absolutely has it all. Still traditional rhythm game gameplay, similar to Taiko in a slight way where you're basically hitting 'enemies' or dodging hazards at two locations, with a ton of original and crossover music, cute-as-hell characters and backgrounds and bosses, and a really good difficulty scale for all kinds of players. The base game serves as almost a trial of sorts with a one-time unlock cost that gives you all past AND future DLC, so it is entirely worth the sticker price! They pump out music at a really good clip and the quality bar remains pretty high. PC and mobile can even sync their progress together if you want to play on the go! (I don't recommend the Switch port because it can't sync scores/level and tends to get songs later, but it's not awful otherwise.) Hiiiighly recommend getting at least the starter version for a couple bucks and seeing if you like it!

---

Cytus II

(Mobile, recommend a tablet/iPad) If you want a story for your rhythm game, it literally does not get better than this. Tap-based game that feels like a combination of osu! and DJMAX Technika with some absolutely incredible narrative, even things like bosses and secrets that you'd find in ARGs. This game crossed over to most of the above games too so maybe you'll find something you like in one of them and come here after!

---

Honorable Mentions

EZ2ON Reboot R

Hatsune Miku Project DIVA MegaMix

DEEMO Reborn

I literally could list more than this too, haha, but these are my definite go-tos nowadays and you can always message me to find out more and talk shop! Hope this helps!! 💛💛

[shiranuieditorial]

Random question, if that's alright x3

What would you name the daughter of a lawyer, psychopath and murderer? Or what do you think he would name the kid xD Japanese name, the last name being Biwasaka

as in, her father is a lawyer, a psychopath, and a murderer, all at once? i like the sound of that!

here are your options for Biwasaka:

枇杷坂 | loquat slope | stats unavailable

枇杷阪 | variant of the above | ranks 53,087th with ±30 bearers in japan

琵琶坂 | biwa lute slope | ranks 50,711 with ±40 bearers in japan | fun fact: this musical instrument was named after the fruit due to its similar shape!

琵琶阪 | variant of the above | stats unavailable

i recommend going with the first one, as it’s the one most people would immediately think of upon hearing the name biwasaka. it’s also the most aesthetically pleasing out of the four.

here are 18 given names i think could go along with that! unfortunately, in order to give you better customization, i’d need more info on her family and the setting(s) these characters live in, especially your story’s genre, time period, location, and maybe some rough ideas on what her parents/family might value or wish for in her name? so feel free to reply, reblog, message, or send another ask with those details if none of these strike your fancy.

慧應 Eou | wise answer; wise response; wisdom answers | i’m a big fan of baby names that [are supposed to] boast about the bearer’s supreme intellect. it’s especially amusing when the reality doesn’t quite match up with the name (see exhibit: me). as you may or may not be able to guess, this style of name (vowel-heavy or all-vowel) is extremely rare to come across in japan. eou is quite out-there in terms of straying from the beaten path.

紅夢 Koyume | crimson red dreams | very sleek meaning and appearance; brings forth very artistic imagery in readers’ minds. could garner the bearer some envy-laced compliments. would be super duper cool if you could add a symbolism related to this somewhere in your story.

真麗 Marei | true beauty; really pretty | actually not as common and popular as you’d think. still a normal human name though. kinda generic in that it implies the parents/namer is someone who prioritizes a pretty countenance in daughters. it’s not always offensive haha just saying.

翠琴 Mikoto | emerald green koto harp | we’re totally gonna ignore the fact that 翠琴 was the kanji i used for uchiha mikoto’s name for a long time in all verses she appears in, before i decided that the more-likely 尊 was growing on me and would work better for the premises i’d set anyway. look, mikoto is a very versatile reading, and 翠琴 happens to be a very pleasant combination, okay?

萌苺 Moichigo | sprouting strawberries | by default, i like any floral-themed name that doesn’t have 花 in it. this could make for an unexpected discovery that big bads aren’t as resistant to cute, pretty, and squishy stuff as they’d like [you] to think 😻

望奈湖 Monako | wishing for which lake; gazing at which lake | i really like the sound bc i’m low-key a fan of naming people after place names. added bonus in that the -ko ending isn’t 子, which i think is really boring. the na and ko parts are mostly only here for the euphony, so the main part of this name is the 望, which is used in words to mean things like wish, hope, desire, expectation, visit, gaze, full moon, and the 15th day of a lunar month.

七帆 Nanaho | seven sails | the meaning is brilliant, for starters. in my mind, it’s like a purposely corrupted way of saying, “these sails have seen all seven seas and will continue to scavenge for more!” except haha seven sails lol 🐸. additionally, when i say “biwasaka”, my mind and mouth are tempted to follow it up with an A sound again, and it’d be nice if the consonant sounds of B-S-K were balanced-out with an N sound.

寧楽乃 Narano | of tranquility, delight, and music | theoretically, would work best if they/their ancestors were from nara or neiraku, but even if that’s not the case, it should be fine too. it’s a funky neat name on its own, what can i say. i’m just sitting here hoping i didn’t accidentally create a new name with this one.

成実 Narumi | turning into reality; becomes a reality; becomes the truth | for when your criminal parents are very practical and realistic people. (๑♡_♡๑)

夏茂 Natsumo | summer luxuriance; summer exuberance | one-of-a-kind name for a one-of-a-kind girl. if you will it so. especially if her birthday is in summer; and if not, you could always have it be a favorite, special, or significant season/time to one or both of the parents for reasons you should probably start making up right now.

羅介 Rakai | silk gauze and shellfish; the silk gauze mediates | ya ever wanna go batshit gibberish? fuck all, i do whatever i want, no regrets? that’s actually right up a certain handful of parents’ alley out there, believe it or not. yeah, i can vouch that this name has(/had?) a legitimate real-life bearer out there. no idea. i don’t know. i like the chaos though. 🤌

冷光 Reikou | cold light; luminescence | this is an actual noun that exists in the lexicon. it’s what foreigners might call an “object name”, “noun name”, or “word name”. more specifically, this one is akin to naming your child luminescence or luminance or lumina. some folks find this type of naming unappealing, while some are fine with it. opinions differ, just like how people within other cultures will have different thoughts on this.

礼菜 Reina | vegetable of courtesy and gratitude; courteous and mannered vegetable; ceremonial greens | i know many foreigners laugh at the idea of having “vegetable” in your name, but it’s actually not tacky at all in reality! many parents like it bc it’s simple yet pretty, familiar in everyday life yet wearable as a name, represents a staple part of all living creatures’ lives, and is considered important for bringing flavor to your meals and harmony to your life. certain vegetables and dishes have their own symbolisms too. all the symbolisms! hoorah! also, 礼 (“gratitude, thanks, courtesy, manner, etiquette, salute”, but also “ceremony, ritual, gift, reward, bow”), which is the main focus of this name, is really not a bad idea if you fancy your child growing up to be polite.

璃乃亜 Rinoa | lapis lazuli’s inferiority; lapis lazuli’s asia | all 3 parts of this name aren’t to be taken too seriously, bc the main thing here is the euphony, not the semantics. however, 璃 holds the most semantic weight here, so if meanings are important to you, the main focus would be that it has something to do with lapis lazuli, colored glazes, and glass. it’s not necessarily an insult to name your child 亜, but in fiction... it could be if you want.

理緒奈 Riona | what is the beginning of logic and reason? | alternatively, just 理緒 Rio (“the beginning of logic and reason; the inception of logic and reason; the thread ends of logic and reason”) would be a good enough name, if you don’t want to make her full name too long. 3-character family name + 2-character given name is all well and plausible, but 3-character family name + 3-character given name is a sliiiiight bit pushing it for 20th century standards. unless you’re a sumo wrestler; in which case, it’s perfectly fine and recommended to have long dramatic names. don’t let me tell you what to do with your creative work though.

冬蕾 Tourai | winter flower buds | a rare hidden gem. good for sneaking in some symbolism about hard work and fighting through hardships and well-earned success or something like that. i like that it makes the bearer or the namer sound like a cool-headed person.

夜半 Yahan | midnight; dead of the night; half the night | another word name that started out as a noun first and then later started seeing use as a personal name. it’s so perfectly unisex and ready-to-use, i wouldn’t be able to guess the bearer’s gender unless i ask or meet them in person.

結斐 Yui | forging brilliant literary elegance and talent | 結 is commonly used to mean “tie” or “knot”, but can also be interpreted to mean “to fasten up, to forge, to congeal, to conclude, to settle”, and is a common euphony-contributing compound in feminine names. 斐 is a favorite of mine due to its stately elegance and underrated rareness. the 文 radical in there gives it a polished academically-accomplished feel, which is undeniably favourable for many parents.

happy picking and thank you for the request! keep us updated on which one you’ve chosen, and if you need any more names to fill out the story and the family trees!

extra tip: after you’ve narrowed down your favorites, your 2nd, 3rd, and 4th choices could go for her mother, grandmother, aunt, half-sister, step-sister, or friend! multiple targets in one shot! yay!

[oakskull]

Guess who finished this illustration set,,

MEEEEEEE!!!

It's Cogchamp fnf sprites!!! I would have made a mod but unfortunately I don't have the right software to do so

Featuring such characters as

Tutorial Fox

5up.xtml

Brother Dearest

Tub and Crumb

Prime Bell

Um sir.

and last but not least, Sammy wants murder

These are weeks 1-4, and week 5 will be in a separate post bc of image limit(derogatory) and I worked really hard on this!! (more thoughts and stuff under the cut, I got kind of rambly haha)

It was super fun to draw in this style and I feel like I learned a lot about shading and shapes (shoes especially) by trying to recreate the style of a professional artist. I think I'll do more exercises like this in the future, just to keep learning!! Also obligatory reminder that these drawings are referenced HEAVILY from the original game sprites. I was trying to draw the cog champers(and dream) like they would be a mod for the game, so the poses and style are extremely similar if not the same. If I were to redo these illustrations I might put more personality and originality into the poses, but I didn't actually study the style at all before creating the first illustration (fundy, the one I posted here is actually a redraw to make him higher quality, the original was too small)

So yeah, over all, this was super fun and I'd definitely do it again. Maybe I'll redraw some of these in the future to be more creative, you can tell which ones I drew later on bc of the variety in poses and expressions, I was a lot more comfortable with the style (tho I did keep my own eyes and mouth style bc expressions are something thats really important to my style and I didn't want to feel like I was just like,, tracing) Sorry for rambling so long, I'll put this under a cut for all the people who just want to see pretty art.

On a more art related note, you may have noticed that Dream is Pico, you may be thinking "but dream isn't on Cogchamp" and you're Right. I didn't know what else to do okay? He's fundy's Ex so it kind of fits??? I dunno man, I gave him a more steam punk mask but kept the majority of his design similar to my normal dream design, so as to keep the Dream vibe. Yknow where he's always just a green blob? It kinda slaps tbh, branding is important.

Also regarding Prime Bell, again, I didn't know what else to do, I was thinking of doing something with the egg, but that's not on cogchamp (thank goodness) so I needed something else. I decided that the only like, tangentially related thing I could do was make an Evil prime bell, based on how Sam steals it idk maybe in this world its always the demon thing and is kinda like the ring from lord of the rings, where once you have it you can't give it up. In any case designing Prime Bell took a while (plus some help from Yipcord and Chaos Crew thx guys ❤ and specifically @valpurgatory who is what inspired me to personify the Prime Bell in the first place with their turn everything into a women philosophy (I @ed him so you can check out his blog he slaps. She's like the go to for saving women from Wilbur Soot's dirty mits)) but drawing it was surprisingly quick, mostly due to the fact that I figured out how to easily recreate the texture on the Lemon Monster's body. I did no shading bc that's what the Lemon monster looks like, and it kind of hurt bc it just looks kind of unfinished to me,,, I had some trouble with the week 5 design for Prime Bell bc I didn't want to abandon my first idea. I probably should have and would have gotten a better result, but I can't be bothered tbh. This is the 3rd day I'm working on this project (these were surprisingly quick the churn out, probably bc I was having a blast) and I simply do not want to alter anything. My idea was good but the execution didn't pan out. What am I saying the week 5 prime bell design isn't even on this post sjjdjsks

Anyway, go check out fnf(Friday Night Funkin) it's a rhythm game, it's free and the OST Slaps. I'd also highly recommend listening to the Whitty mod songs and the Neo mod songs,,,, good good music.

[reverielix]

to keep this blog going while I concentrate on my monster of a collab Changbin fic and my last few days of vacation, here you have

The signs and music

You might want to look at Neptune, Venus, the 12th house, the 2nd house, the 7th house and where Pisces, Libra and Tuarus are in your chart for this (+ also asteroids or other placements you find have a relation with the topic at hand eg the 5th house/Leo in some cases)

Aries - probably a bit rock-ish, likes to play their music loud, loves to sing along and unintentionally annoy the neighbors lol, music is a direct reflection of their current mood (maybe also true for Aries moons), might turn the music off in the middle of a song or changes the song just a bit after it's started/skips the intro, isn't too focused on the song's meaning and is the type of person that listens to a song that makes 0 sense just because "the sound is sick.", uses shuffle a bunch, head banging is their go-to move

Taurus - Sabrina Carpenter reflects this so well! classy, feeling-myself-type music, plays music after finishing a bath and dancing in front of a mirror in only a robe or something because it's all about being sexy for yourself, songs like Honeymoon Fades by Sabrina Carpenter when they're in their Breakfast at Tiffany's mood lol, just vibes softly, probably also sings along because Hello? This is about Taurus? The sign that rules the throat and singing voice? (don't lie, you still listen to Lady Marmalade sometimes haha), listens to the whole song and is possibly even one of the signs who make those "1h of *insert song*" videos on YouTube lol, basically them in a silk robe at 3pm and they just took their morning bath on a Saturday and belt out some earthy high notes, soft sensual music is a must during certain activities *cough*(Kehlani lol)

Gemini - get the road trip playlist ready lol probably has a happy and sad playlist and plays those according to the mood and then overthinks the lyrics' relation with their life, pretty versatile music taste, probably listens to the Euphoria soundtrack, interprets lyrics and analyzes albums, the fan who comes up with the theories along with maybe Aqua and Sag lol, probably can't listen to a full song without skipping (I'm very guilty of this😬), uses shuffle and then doesn't like the song that comes up so shuffles again, always looks for song recs, confused as to what song to recommend so they don't like giving song recs, loves talking about music with others (might've been very good in music class in school), probably listens to music while studying, hand movements to accompany the songs are almost subconscious lol, the music on their phone goes Harry Styles Kiwi - Stray Kids Gone Days - Billie Eilish idon'twannabeyouanymore - Sabrina Carpenter Looking at Me... u get it haha

Cancer - number 1 goal is for music to sound comforting and accommodating to the current mood, some type of emotional connection with the tune is almost always given in terms of liked music, perhaps sticks to a handful of artists or genres, might doesn't like sharing their music with others/doesn't like people asking about what they listen to because it feels intrusive since their emotional connection with their music is very strong, another sign that enjoys oldies and reminisces through music as they might associate music with certain memories they've made, perhaps have the same music taste as their primary caretaker or like their music to feel nostalgic

Leo - the type to play music in their head 24/7 as if they were in a movie, music is a medium of expression and so is any form of art to them, when they listen to music they make it their own as they add their own personal touches to it (maybe add some riffs or invent new adlibs lol), especially when it comes to the meaning they may interpret it in a very personal way where it relates to them, definitely sings along lol but unlike Taurus will straight up start jumping around the room while holding a fake mic, acts like they're performing, music might be one of their hobbies, loves sharing their music with others, likes musical theater and listens to many soundtracks, is the DJ at a club lol, keeps up with celebrity stuff

Virgo - I have a Virgo 12th and Pisces in the 6th so lemme guess: you listen to very depressing music and then overthink it and what the lyrics could mean + how the problems in the lyrics can be solved/asses what the problem is and how to single things out in a little mindmap of similies and other means (basically very analytical), ear phones > just playing it for everybody (in the house) to hear, you like to have music on while you workout/take a shower/do daily tasks, you probably like lofi or anything that seems raw and has that college aesthetic lol, you enjoy a good spotify library with sorted out playlists, thank u next > sweetener (because you apprechiate pure honesty in music a lot and smell when there's big masking going on + you like raw emotion and thoughts), the BEAT THOUGH?, perhaps even did special music courses in school + knows some very specific vocab on music, and STUCKINMYBRAIN by Chase Atlantic is our anthem✌️

Libra - has a dark ass side nobody gets to see where they listen to Scissorhands by Maggie Lindemann or something like that but overall appears to have a very put together spotify with various playlists on it (literally one playlist for every mood: feeling myself, edgy, sad diluted in horny,...) with self-made aesthetic covers, probably sees the beauty in a lot of styles and different songs, thinks of how to possibly work out the issues talked about in the song or deal with them best, feels drawn to songs about either a relationship (failed, rocky or happy depending on their current mood) or duets, imagines themself as one of the people in the relationship lol, most likely will cross styles with Taurus once in a while, could never choose a favorite artist or song or playlist because they find beauty in all sounds and voices (might even sugarcoat or listen to problematic artists while they know the tea lol)

Scorpio - SCARES MY AIR DOMINANT ASS IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE because the emotional intensity to the songs they listen to is out the roof but they walk around the campus like this 🙂, tnbh/ca/acrctic monkeys type person, actually finishes listening to a song and mostly even the whole playlist (doesn't even actually have playlists because it's just one big sequence of liked songs they just play), loves those slowed or edited ones with their favorite anime as the background lol, probably doesn't like sharing their music, you probably saw this coming but listens to music while being intimate with their partner, their music could be their theme song, taste in music is very specific and doesn't usually range widely

Sagittarius - road trip playlists on the ready, probably very into pop, impressed by how music can bring people from different places together, might listen to songs that are not in their native language (e.g my mom has Venus in Sag + Neptune in the 9th and LOVES Spanish music while she's Italian and only understands half of it lol), tries to figure out phylosophical meanings and learn something from the songs, might associate songs with people they've met/places they've visited (can also occur with Gemini), skips songs a bunch, may enjoy some country in secret lol, likes listening to party music as well (possibly house), listens to rather sad or deep music only when alone to recharge and let the sadness go, listen to whatever others like listening to without any trouble in social settings, uses music as a tool to learn (might've studied music in higher education or teaches music)

Capricorn - probably doesn't even have that much music on their phone, likes background music in restaurants/cafés etc., knows how to use music strategically and understands what music fits with what mood/how to convey a certain message through music, music might be their work (figures out an artist's best next move to make, defines "on brand" and what it means for each individual artist, works more in the background but wants to be credited on everything, possibly better known producer,...), sticks to the songs they like, use music as a media of description for themselves (might like sharing certain songs they listen to to impact settings in a certain way), likes music that is more sophisticated and classy, enjoys the same songs a lot (probably still listens to that one song they found in 2011 lol), the celebrity world is very known to them as they might listen to artists to support them rather than to actually enjoy their music lol

Aquarius - probably knows some really specific terms when it comes to music that they're just waiting to spit out (might also apply to Virgo here), open to new styles of music and, other than Sagittarius, listens to country or some other unusual or commonly judged genre openly and perhaps even to piss people off, loves finding bands that are underrated and probably already knew ca before they blew up, drawn to breathier voices (like Ariana Grande or Olivia Rodriguez - this holds especially true for Aqua Venuses), the type to be drawn to accents in music because they add personal touches, likes to use music as a means to connect with others, mainly though to feel understood, probably enjoys all kinds of genres, might make internet friends in fan bases, goes to a concert and comes back with three new friends and a few new accessories haha

Pisces - festivals are your home, music is spiritual and helps to cope with loss or emotional turmoil, mostly likes the melodies and doesn't really focus on the lyrics, adapts to people's music tastes and takes a few songs from each person to make their playlists, will make you a playlist with the songs they think you like instead with the songs they like, heavenly vocals > whatever they're saying, finds pleasure in every type of music tbf, especially likes Lana Del Rey or artists with an indie feel to them (probably also loves Billie Eilish), enjoys feeling connected on an emotional level with the music or even the artist, overshares about their personal connection with music lol, probably plays it in their ear phones 24/7 and lets songs come on as they want to, associates feelings with music, finds comfort and understanding in music, probably most likely to enjoy classical music along with Sag

Additional thoughts: you might be drawn to singers who have the planet you have aspecting your Neptune/Venus in the 2nd house/predominantly in their chart/the 10th or the sign in your 2nd/7th/Venus sign/Neptune sign in their 2nd/predominantly in their chart/the 10th. I find this to hold true a lot for the Venus sign (so eg you have a Cancer Venus, which could make you drawn to singers with Cancer/the moon in their 2nd or afflicted with their Taurus house, Libra house, Neptune etc. This could then determine what exactly it is you like about them: their voice (2nd house), their music style (Venus/Neptune), their image (10th house),...)

The planets involved might signify the core part of your personality that is touched by music or also the core parts of your personality that influence the way you view music (moon trine Neptune individuals might see music as something that truly touched their soul and it might even be a coping mechanism to help with emotional wounds/you might listen to it to accommodate to your current mood)

The signs can suggest the style of music you like, the singers/producers/writers you listen to the most, how you enjoy music, how your music consumption looks like, what the songs might be about or what sound they usually carry (basically what I talked about in the post)

Lastly, houses can show you what area of life music has most impact on, how your music consumption looks like and how outward/inward or sunconscious/conscious music is to you (a Neptune in the 5th house individual might enjoy sharing music and is pretty aware of their music consumption + likes sharing music with others while a Neptune in the 8th might be influenced by music more subconsciously and deeply while they keep their music consumption habits to themselves)

[suchalonelysunflower]

You Said Forever (c.h)

Pairing: Calum Hood x Reader

Requested: Yes!

Summary: Based on the song “Driver’s License” by Olivia Rodrigo. You did everything you could to get over him, you talked to friends, went on long drives and even wrote him a song. Why cant you just let him go?

Warnings: Angst. Language. Mentions of alcohol. Some grammar mistakes? (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word count: 6.7 k

Author’s Note: I’m so excited someone requested this! I highly recommend listening to the song before you read, references are in the text and dialogs. Please remember that Reblogs, Coments, Feedback and Likes are more than welcome and encouraged! You don’t know how much they help me 💕 Hope you like it and Happy reading 🦋

Fic of the week // My Materialist // wanna be part of my tag list?

@rime-warrior : Hey love! Has anyone requested an imagine for Calum based on the song “Drivers license” by Olivia Rodrigo yet? I think you’re the only one who would be able to do it any justice 😭💕

“I still see your face in the white cars, front yards

Can't drive past the places we used to go to

'Cause I still fucking love you, babe”

You could hear the doorbell ring over the thunderous storm raging outside. It was late, probably closer to midnight than you imagined. Who could possibly be outside right now? especially in this kind of weather?

After four consecutive rings, you decided to get up from your spot on the bed and walk up to the door. It must be something very important for someone to startle you that way.

Once you got closer to the door you could also distinguish some strong bangs coming from the other side accompanied by the endless ringing “Okay, okay! I’m coming!” You called, but whoever was standing opposite to you mustn’t have heard you as they continued to disrupt the peace of a stormy night.

A shiver ran down your spine before you could reach the doorknob, almost like the ghost of a feeling, a warning for you not to open the door. Despite your common sense, you decided to open the door, already being too late to go back.

“Calum?”

He was standing in front of you, completely drenched from head to toes. His breathing was uneven, almost like he ran all the way over here, but his eyes were set on yours, unmoving as you both tried to take each other in.

“Calum-what is?-” Your words got stuck in your mouth as he pushed himself forward, grabbing your face delicately as he clashed his lips with yours.

You felt yourself melt into the kiss, making it everything you ever wished for. You wrapped your arms around his neck and deepened the kiss as you brought him closer to you. He was here, he was finally here with you. It all feels like a dream.

Your alarm clock marked 6 AM when you jumped from your dreams into reality. You should’ve known, everything was too good to be true.

You brought one hand to your face, trying to wipe away the tiredness of your eyes, but you found your cheeks were humid due to tears you didn’t even know you shed through the night, damping your pillow sheets once again.

It was always the same dream: Calum coming back to you. Night after night your mind drifted to another reality where you’d meet again, sometimes it was at a concert, other at the local café of your neighborhood that you used to love so much, but tonight was the first night where he appeared at your house. Which was funny considering that he hasn’t stepped foot in this place for almost a year.

You pushed your thoughts away as you tried to go back to sleep. And you did try, but the tossing and turning made you restless, you cursed your mind as the only thing you could see when you closed your eyes was Calum, standing at your door and asking for a kind of forgiveness you weren’t sure you could give. Although, who were you kidding?

Checking the clock once again you realized it was 20 past 6, still too early to go back to real life, but not too early to start and try to live a little.

Pushing yourself off the bed, you grabbed a big hoodie and some pair of sweatpants before putting on your running shoes and hopping into the bathroom to brush your teeth and clean your face before grabbing your keys and getting out of the house.

You sat on the driver’s seat, just like you did a thousand times, taking a big breath before starting the engine.

“You do know you have a perfectly good car in your driveway, right?”

You smiled at him and greeted him with a hug and a kiss as you climbed into the passenger's seat.

It was your usual morning routine. Ever since you met and he found out you lived nearby the studio he always volunteered to carpool with you. Since then, your mornings were filled with hugs, good coffee and stolen kisses you gave each other as the road to the studio became longer and longer thanks to all the detours you took.

“Hello, Calum. I’m very good, thank you for asking, how are you?”

Calum rolled his eyes and gave you a little peck on your lips “I would’ve been on time if I hadn’t had to pick your ass from the other side of town”

You lightly punched him in the arm “You know you love me” He smiled.

“That I do, darling. But I would love you more if you drove us from time to time”

“You know I don’t have a car!” Calum turned to you and pointed to the classic mustang sitting in front of your house, raising his eyebrows as if to ask if you were stupid “That’s my dad’s car!”

“That he kindly gave to you when he helped you move to LA so you could pursue your dream of becoming the next new sensation of music,” He said mocking a dreamy voice to try imitating you “He said it was yours, so it's yours! And honestly, it’s a pretty cool car if you ask me. A real chick magnet”

You mocked a gag at his old reference of movies from the 50’s “Sexist much?” You both laughed as he started the car and started driving “Anyways, he only gave me the car because mom was threatening to sell it on eBay if he didn’t get rid of it soon enough, so he could still come and get it whenever he wants to” You shrugged.

Calum started sniffing the air, “What?” You asked, sniffing as well in case there was something wrong.

“Do you smell that?” He asked with a concerned face.

“Smell what?”

He leaned closer to you and sniffed harder before whispering “The bullshit”

You scoffed and pushed him back “Haha very funny”

You waited until he stopped laughing, you never told him the truth, well two truths actually.

One: That you enjoyed the drives you had with him, it was a special time for the two of you to be yourselves without anyone to judge. You would laugh, sing, talk for hours as you sat in traffic under the city lights. It was the little moments that matter for the two of you, these were your little moments and you didn’t want to give them up just yet.

It was not easy being in a “relationship” that no one knew about, not even his bandmates, although you knew they were suspecting something. All the sneaking away while amid a recording session, hanging out in each other’s rooms, how adamant he was to carpool with you every day, even when he didn’t need to go to the studio… It was an easy tell, but it was also your private life.

You told yourself that it was for the best, that you shouldn’t mix work and personal life, especially when your personal life included Calum. He was adamant to keep whatever you had out of the public eye “What we have is good” He said, “Why ruin it with labels?” And you agreed, knowing that making everything official could just mess everything up. Calum was your best friend, after all, you would be damn if you lose him.

And for the second truth:

“I don’t know how to drive”

Just in time, the traffic light turned red. Calum turned to you in disbelief “Bluff” You shook your head, not looking at him just yet “Bluff! That can’t be right! Y/N how old are you?”

You shrugged again “I never needed to! I always enjoyed walking plus,” You said nudging your arm on Calum’s “I have the best driver right here!” You pecked his cheek with a kiss and saw how quickly they blushed, making you celebrate this tiny victory inside your head. You loved making him blush, it gave you some kind of security that he felt the same way.

Calum stared at you for a moment too long, making you self-conscious under his eyes. You could tell the gears were running inside his head “What if I teach you how to drive?”

You chuckled “Now I call your bluff”

“I’m serious!” He said, not taking his eyes from you “We have time before the tour starts, and that way you could drive us somewhere for once! You know? Picking me out and going on a date?”

Your eyes were set on him with an alarming tone, a what now? Was he serious? “You would do that for me?” You asked shyly, not wanting to fall into another of his pranks, but he seemed serious enough.

“Of course!” He said with a chuckle that accentuated all his dimples “Let’s get you your driver’s license, Y/N!”

Calum grabbed your hand and intertwined it with his, shaking it as a victory celebration and then placing a kiss on your knuckles. You laughed and reminded him where you were “Eyes on the road, Hood” even though the light was still red, you would rather him not noticing the red that tinted your cheeks and the loud beating of your heart.

You saw how the sun was starting to illuminate the coast as you drove by. Everything was so quiet this early in the morning and you were thankful, you needed this quiet so you could be alone with your thoughts once again. And, just like every day, that just meant you were thinking of Calum.

Could you blame him? Possibly, your friends said you should. But could you live with yourself knowing that you are holding a grudge towards someone who is probably unaware of it? Not in the slightest.

You were never official, not to the public at least, but in your heart, you knew he was the only one who could make you feel like this. He was the only one capable of making you laugh as hard as you did, cry the way that you did, and enjoy yourself to the fullest. You were your best when you were with him and now… How are you now?

Would he care?

You knew he loved you, he said so himself. The only thing you didn’t know was in what way. Did he love you like a lover? or just like a friend who he’d get to kiss and make love to from time to time?

The lump in your throat became stronger as you remember the last moments you had with him and all the promises he couldn’t keep. You tried to distract yourself, crying behind the wheel could be dangerous and you weren’t going to risk your life for him, not yet at least.

You turned on the radio in hopes that it would call your mind, at this point even the commercials would make you feel better if they made you think about anything but him.

“And now, Laurie. We have the hottest single of the year!” Said the radio host with the most cheerful tone a person could mutter this early “This up-and-coming artist debuted this single almost a month ago and it is still top of the charts in almost 34 countries all over the world!”

Now the lump in your throat came back but this time with a knot on your stomach as well. The first time you heard the song play on the radio you felt excited, after all this is why you came to LA in the first place. Yet the feeling became bittersweet in no time.

“My girls, boys, and non-binary folks; if you are in your car right now get ready to sing this at the top of your lungs with all the feelings you could muster and send a fuck you to your ex. This is ‘Driver’s License’ by Y/N L/N”

“I got my driver’s license last week, just like we always -”

You turned off the music and kept driving in silence.

You knew it was a bad idea to release the song you wrote about him. Maybe it was a petty move on your part, but… didn’t you have the right to be petty this time?

Either way is not like people would realize it was about him. It was your little secret, yours and Calum’s if he ever heard it, although you believe that if he did then he would’ve said something to you by now. Yet his silence was similar to the one in your car; deafening and heartbreaking.

“I don’t know Calum,” You said as you stared at your car parked in front of you “Is it safe to do it here?”

Calum was leaning on top of the hood, rolling his eyes at your indecision “Would you rather do it on the PCA?” You shot your eyes at him with a deathly glare, he just chuckled “I promise is okay, this parking lot is big enough and there are no cars left that you could accidentally hit”

You were both standing in the middle of the studio’s parking lot late at night. Calum insisted that this was the day you learned how to drive, so he spent the night at your place and today he drove you in your car, that way there would be no excuses left for you not to do it.

However, you were still hesitant. This was technically your father’s car, his other baby, and if you ever crash it you wouldn't know what you’ll do. Calum noticed your doubt and took a step closer to you, grabbing your hand in his to give you some sort of encouragement.

“Look, babe. It’s okay if you don’t want to do it. I won’t pressure you” He said softly “I just thought this could be fun for the both of us” He smiled “Fun and educational for that matter. But if you’re not ready then we can go home and-”

“I want to do it, Cal,” You said, “I just- I don’t know where to even begin!”

He chuckled and placed a kiss on your forehead, making all the butterflies in your stomach take flight.

“Tell you what,” Calum said confidently “You get behind the wheel and I’ll put us some inspirational music”

He walked back to the car to connect his phone to the speakers “You better put my song first!” You called after him as you walked towards the driver’s seat.

Calum laughed “God, I should’ve never told you that! Now your ego’s off the damn roof!” Soon enough he sat on the passenger’s seat next to you and buckled up.

“Not my fault that you think of me so often you want to put it into song” You teased, leaning in for a kiss that Calum was happy to oblige.

“Yes,” He said mid-kiss “It is completly your fault” Next thing you know ‘Kill My Time’ was playing on the radio, but Calum was not letting go of you just yet.

You wished this moment last forever, you wished every moment with Calum would last forever, but you both needed to breathe at some point “I wish I could kiss you all day long, I swear I could die on your lips and die happy” You said as you pressed your forehead to his, smiling like a fool in love.

“Soon, love,” Calum said as he crashed his lips against yours “Just wait until tour is over and then we’ll have forever to do just that”

You grinned at his words, a few days ago he promised to make your relationship publicly official once he came back from tour, that way you’ll have more time together as a fairly new couple. If he was willing to take that step, then you were more than ready to follow along. You knew you’d give everything for him if you had to and you still won’t regret it. You love him, and that was enough for you.

“Think I’m ready to start,” You said once you pulled away from him for the last time.

Calum nodded and patted his hand on your thigh “Okay, first you have to turn on the engine. Good, then you check all your mirrors and make sure your gear shift is on position-”

“My what?” You asked.

“Your gear shift, you know? The stick in-”

“Oh, you mean the PRNDL? You said, trying your hardest to stay serious, but failing to do so once you saw Calum’s face.

“You couldn't go one day without your references now, could you?” He said in amusing disbelief that had you both laughing.

The lesson was fairly simple, it just consisted of going forwards and on reverse a few times and practicing some turns in circles around the parking lot, and you were proud to say you were getting the hang of it pretty quickly. Calum turned out to be a great instructor with the patience of a god, he never got mad at you or showed that he was scared - even though it was pretty clear that he was, especially when you turned too far and almost hit a lamp post - and you appreciate him for that.

It was almost 2 AM when you decided to call it quits for the day and start back tomorrow. Calum was now behind the wheel driving you to your house so he could pick up his car and drive home.

“Cal?” You said once he parked in your driveway.

“Yes, love?”

“I’m really happy with you” You shyly admitted.

Calum’s heart beamed with love as he pulled you closer for a goodnight kiss “And I’m really happy with you”

You kissed him one more time before jumping out of the car “See you tomorrow!” He called before you watched him drive away.

The sound of a horn woke you up from your daydream memory. You didn’t know the light had just turned green until the car behind you started pounding their button and cursing at you to move.

You watched the white car from the rearview mirror as you drove away, it looked like his, all the white cars did, but you knew he couldn’t be here just yet, not until the tour was done.

A sinking feeling of hopelessness filled your inner thoughts once again. The promises he made faded like the wind in the summer once he stepped on that plane and decided that you were something he had to leave behind. It would’ve been good to know beforehand, that way you wouldn’t have wasted a year by the phone, hoping it would ring and that he’d be on the other line.

You glanced at the car’s clock one more time, it’s already too late to do anything, you’ve been driving around without a destination for hours when it only felt like minutes. Time is something you learn how to lose when you’re alone, minutes become meaningless once you realize there is no one there to share them with you, but it’s late and it was time to head home. You let out a sigh at the realization that your drive-through therapy didn’t work this time.

Deciding to take the long way home, you started to drive through the lesser-known streets of LA, hoping that you’d get lost somewhere and not knowing if anyone would care.

The dreams of running away came flashing down, more of an idea than an afterthought. Yes, you made it in LA, you have a hit song and your dreams are coming true. Why didn’t that feel like enough?

If you were gone, even just for a little bit, would anybody notice? If you just got up in your car and started driving somewhere unknown until the feeling of loneliness faded away. Could you drive your feelings away? Outrun them somehow?

You knew that if Calum could do it then so could you. It was so easy for him to just leave whatever you had behind, to leave you behind and hope that you were okay somehow. If he thought that you were okay then he maybe didn’t know you at all and you are probably better off without him, just like your friends say all the time.

But were you better off without him?

Tears started piling up in the corner of your eyes once again. No, you were not better off without him even though you want to be. And neither you are better off with him, if he ever came back to you, that is.

You swallowed a sob, trying your hardest not to break down again. It was useless, all the tears and all the songs and all the fuck him an attitude that you could muster… What was it for if not to dwell on your pain even more? You are still hurt and he still did not care.

You took a turn on the left, knowing the way like the back of your hand. You knew this path would lead you home, but you also knew it would lead you to his house as well.

The first time you did this was to practice how to find your way to Calum’s home without getting lost. You knew he wasn’t home and he wouldn’t be for many many months, but you wanted to surprise him once he got there, to pick him up and drive him to that date he promised you once he returned. Now, you avoided that road like a plague unless you had days like this, days in which missing him became everything you did, and now passing through his empty house gave you the reality check you desperately needed: He is gone. It also inspired you to write the song, it was a blessing and a curse.

You turned into the familiar street and looked to your right, you counted the houses passing by one, two, three, four… Until you spotted his old porch. Normally, that’s all you did. You would drive through his street and see the house dark and cold as his owner was out of town. But today there was a white car on his driveway.

Your breath got caught in your throat as you recognized the license plate, immediately stepping on the breaks and making the car stopped abruptly in front of the house.

That is his car… But how? You knew that Calum kept his car in Ashton’s place so they could drive up together to the airport every time they had to leave. What is it doing here? Tour didn’t end until a week from today and-

The sudden movement coming from the house pulled you from every rational thought as the front door opened. You held your breath as the person who stole all your sleepless nights came into view.

He was home.

Calum stepped out of his house with a bright smile on his face. His hair was shorter than the last time you’ve seen it, and he was less tanned, a fact that was easily noticeable thanks to the contrast of his leather jacket on his skin. But his dimples were intact as he smiled at whoever was inside the house.

A small figure came behind him, wrapping her arms around his torso as she was laughing at something he said. Her blond hair was falling down her back so elegantly, and her smile was bright as day as she hugged him, you wouldn’t have noticed that in the photos. She looked happy, but what broke you the most is that he looked happy as well.

He was home, but he was home with her.

You knew something was going on, even if there wasn’t anything official from either of them. You weren’t official, too. But seeing them was all the proof you needed to believe it. Believe that it was actually over and neither of you said goodbye.

You bit the inside of your cheek as silent tears started rolling down your face. You wanted to scream, to cry your hearts out, and let the world fuck itself over and over again. But for the love that you had on yourself, you promised that you wouldn't dignify him by making a scene. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve to know you cared.

With that in mind, you wiped your tears and floored the gas pedal, driving away from the scene.

“Hey!!!!!”

“Guess what?”

“I PASSED THE TEST!”

“I can legally drive on my own now :D!”

Read 19:05

“Calum?”

“Oh, you must be at the concert now, my bad!”

“Let me know when we can FaceTime again! I can’t wait to tell you how it went! I’m so excited we can finally switch places and let me be the one in charge of the road, lol”

Read 23:54

“Is everything alright, Cal?”

Read 04:32

“I miss you”

Read July 19th 14:49

Last week you sent your last text to him and he still hadn’t responded yet. You tossed all night waiting for at least a smoke signal from him. He was gone for two months now and he never missed one of your calls, it was so unlike him, especially when he promised you to call every day he was on tour.

You tried to distract yourself by doing everything you could think of. You watched videos, listened to music, played candy crush over and over again, and still, there was no answer.

You were starting to give up when a notification from Twitter graced your screen, it read: “Calum Hood, bassist from the band 5 Seconds of Summer, seen cozying up with a mysterious girl in a nightclub two nights ago”

You blinked twice and reread the headline, hoping that your eyes were deceiving you.

“The Australian bassist seemed to be catching up with some friends and letting it all loose at a wild night here in London after their sold-out show in the O2 Arena.

Hood was wearing-”

You skipped all that unnecessary information, scrolling down to the bottom where you knew all media kept the real gossip. A bubble of anxiety started forming inside your throat, as your fingers moved over the screen. The atmosphere became heavy while you could hear your heart thundering inside your chest, every little beat it made was hurting you, almost like it was banging your ribcages begging to be set free.

Time stood still as you looked at the pictures, not wanting to believe your eyes as they analyzed every detail of it.

There he was, hugging a blond woman from behind and resting his face on her shoulders just like he used to do with you. Even from the picture, you could tell she was gorgeous. The next picture showed her wrapping her arms around his neck and smiling at him. He had his hands cupping her cheeks, his face denoted a serious expression, but the look in his eyes was fixed on her.

He kissed her in the third picture, his hands still cupping her cheeks. It seemed like he was smiling through the kiss.

The last picture had them sitting on some kind of leather sofa. She was sitting on his lap and his hands were wandering very close to her butt, holding her close to him.

“The fans of the band wasted no time on identifying the mysterious girl. She seems to be the new tour assistant manager of the boys. Let’s hope that work and pleasure don’t get between this beautiful couple #goals<3”

The stream of tears was never-ending. You couldn’t understand what was going on, why Calum hasn’t said anything to you, why-why did he let it happen? Something was not right, and it wasn’t just your breathing getting heavy inside your lungs or your shaky hands as you typed the next text.

“We need to talk, please call me?”

You got no answers that night as you cried yourself to sleep, realizing that you had no one to comfort you cause nobody knew that you two were even together. You were utterly alone.

The next morning you woke up to no text from him, not even a call or a voicemail.

Read 08:45

You forced yourself to finish your nighttime routine. Ever since you came back home you did nothing but cry, but not of sadness, you were crying of anger.

With him being far away it almost didn’t seem real. You allowed yourself to create some sort of fantasy where he would come back to you, to start over where you left off and be together for everyone to see. How foolish.

You thought that he’ll hear your song and he’ll be running back to you to apologize, to ask if you still love him like before. But he won’t, because he is happy without you while you rot in your own pity party.

You grabbed hold onto the counter, trying to hold the tears as everything suddenly became clear as day. All the red flags you ignored were now shining as candy apples. He made a fool of you and didn’t even dignify you with at least some kind of warning or apology. He brought you down and now it was up to you to climb back up and even higher than before.

How could he?

All the memories you held close to your heart were burning in the pyre of your soul. You loved him, you knew you did. But all you meant for him was just a summer fling, something to waste time on before the real thing came along.

But he loved you…

Did he?

He spent entire days and nights next to you. He told you stories no one’s ever heard of. He sang to you to sleep and wrote you the most beautiful poems you’ve ever read. He picked you up every day and stayed with you until it was your time to leave. He made you feel welcome and there was not a day where you didn’t feel safe around his arms. He was your best friend. He taught you how to drive and what it meant to feel something real, something as important as the love you could have for someone. He loved you, he said he did, he promised he did.

Maybe love was not enough for him.

Your mind was divided, fighting over and over and over again about the same thing. Part of you cursed his name while the other part just wanted to be held by him, telling you that it will all be okay. But you couldn't even trust yourself on this one.

The doorbell rang, one, two, three times.

You were not going to answer it. One look in the mirror and you knew you couldn't answer anyone in this state. Your eyes were puffy and red, your cheeks were hollowed from not eating all day. There was nothing you could do to make you look or feel better, so whoever was behind the door will have to find another way to disturb the chaos in your mind.

However, they were persistent. With the ring of the doorbell came a few bangs. It seemed urgent.

You took one last look at yourself before deciding with a sigh to go and open the door. Whoever it was must have a good reason to come banging at your door a little past midnight.

“I’m coming!” You called, voice coming out a little hoarse from crying all night.

A shiver ran down your back and you felt like you were here before, in this exact moment where all your instincts told you to walk away. You decided to ignore them as you gently turned the doorknob and opened the door. Immediately wishing you didn’t.

“Calum?”

He stood in front of you, soaked from head to toe. Hands in the pockets of his jacket, not the leather one, but one more cozy. He was also wearing a pair of sweatpants and part of his hair was stuck on his forehead. You didn’t realize it was raining.

“Can I come in?” He asked, not even a hello.

You debated on whether or not to let him in. Part of you wanted to throw him back into the streets, but a storm was coming - much in the literal and subliminal way, and you didn’t want him to drive in this weather, you still care for him even though you shouldn’t.

With a simple nod, you opened the door wide enough so he could enter the house, a little “thank you” came out of his mouth as he stepped inside for the first time in over a year.

You closed the door and started walking into the kitchen with Calum following you like a stray dog. Your hands were shaking so you hid them behind your back as you slowly wrapped your arms around you in an attempt to comfort you throughout this whole ordeal.

Calum is standing in front of you on the other side of the island. He is not looking at you, but rather he is looking at his feet. You figured he was too scared to be the first one to talk and it broke your heart that he has suddenly become shy around you when you used to tell each other everything. ‘But whose fault is that?’ You thought.

Now you were just two strangers in a room.

“I thought you’d still be on tour,” You said, breaking the silence that has fallen upon you.

Calum looked up and he almost looked thankful that you spoke first “The last two venues canceled at the last minute due to weather conditions,” He said “So we came back earlier than expected”

You nodded and faced the other way. The fact that he was here in your home made your stomach turn and not in a good way. You always thought him coming back was going to be something joyful, but it became more painful as time went by.

“They closed café Mariannete while I was gone” He said, was he really going to talk about that right now? Did he came over here to reminisce about the café you used to have breakfast in?

“I didn’t know. I don’t go there anymore”

More awkward silence came upon you. You both knew he was bullshiting his way into the real conversation he was avoiding to have. He always used to do that and you have forgotten how much you hated it.

“Were you driving by my house today?” He asked and you froze on the spot. You didn’t think that he saw you.

“I was,” You cleared your throat “I was coming back home”

“And you didn’t say hello” It was more a statement than a question.

A sour taste filled your mouth. How dare he? “You were busy enough” You knew it was a petty answer, but what did he expect?

A flash of hurt came through Calum’s eyes as he said nothing in return. He knew you saw him with her, so he had no excuse to push the topic back to you.

The atmosphere was tense as the only thing you could hear was the ticking of the clock and the raindrops falling through your window. There was so much to say and yet none of you were brave enough to muster them.

You had every right to be mad and he had a right to explain himself, but you were not going to be the first one to cave in. Not without hearing from him first.

Eventually, Calum got restless of the silence.

“Your song is amazing,” He said, pleading for an answer that didn’t contain poison in your words “Ashton showed it to us the day it came out”

So he has heard it, you didn’t know if you should be proud or ashamed “Thanks”

“I forgot to congratulate you on your number one”

“You forgot to do a lot of things”

If there was ever a moment where you could give him the chance to redeem himself, this was it.

You saw how Calum shifted his weight from foot to foot, he had his lips pressed in a thin line and you could see how his eyes changed and fell into a deep pit of regret as tears were forming in the corner of his eye.

“I know the song’s about me-” He said.

“How did you figure that out?” You said sarcastically.

“Y/N…” He pleaded, running a hand through his face, but you were having none of that.

“Why did you do it, Calum?”

You needed an answer, something you could hold onto to eventually let go. Calum, however, was almost speechless.

The ticking of the clock became even louder as you counted the seconds until he spoke again. One, two, three…

Ten “I don’t know”

The answer cut right through you as you let a stream of tears roll down your cheek, not lifting your head to look at him in the eyes. It wasn’t what you expected, it was way worse.

Calum noticed your crying and started panicking, spilling every thought he had through his mouth “I-I don’t- I was drunk and she was there with our groups of friends and we were too drunk to even take notice of what was happening and we just kissed and- Y/N, I’m not perfect. We weren’t perfect, we weren’t even official and it was only a kiss and I thought it would be okay but then the tabloids and your message and I just- And she’s a great friend, she didn’t mean any harm but things happened and-” He stammered, unable to connect his thoughts as he desperately tried to fix something so you would stop crying.

“For me it was perfect” You cried “We were perfect in my mind, you made it perfect. God, Calum. Why didn’t you tell me? I spent months in agony trying to figure it out, to make it make sense! I beat myself up over and over again and there you were having the time of your life with a stranger!” Your voice was loud, not enough to yell, but enough to make it clear that you were fuming.

“What are you talking about?!” Calum said matching the tone of your voice “I missed you every fucking day but there was nothing I could do about it! You don’t know shit of what you’re talking about!”

You scoffed “Oh yeah! It surely seemed like you missed me! You never called me once, Calum. Not even to apologize and try to make it better”

“I didn’t know how!” He said, “I was scared that-”

“That I’d hate you?”

“That you’d forgive me,” Calum said in one breath, making you stare in shock “I-I didn’t want you to forgive me, Y/N, cause you deserve so much better. On tour I realized that I wasn’t ready for a relationship, no matter how much you mean to me and I didn’t know how to tell you that so-”

“And are you ready now? That’s why you are with her?” You interrupted, head filled with anger to even think straight.

“I’m not ready to be with either of you!”

The room felt silent once again.

You had no answer to that and you weren’t sure you wanted to hear more from him.

The rain outside your window started to calm down, only droplets of water were left as the memory of the storm that almost was.

Your legs gave out a minute later, sliding you down slowly onto the floor. Calum walked up to you and sat next to you, neither of you saying anything for what it seemed like hours.

“You said you loved me…” You said with a faint voice.

Calum sighed “I did. I do”

“And you love her too?”

He thought about it “I don’t know. I might” You closed your eyes as a tear fell down your cheek “She’s good to me, Y/N. And we really got close but-”

“I know,” You said with a soft sniffle “We weren’t perfect either”

“You do know I love you, right?” He said softly, turning his face towards you “And that everything we had was real. Every minute of it, every word in every song was true and it still is. All was real and it’s still there somewhere. I still want you in my life, Y/N, cause you make it better. I just,” He sighed “I need to figure my shit out”

“Yeah, you do” You said, making him chuckle darkly “But I can’t promise I’ll be here”

“I wouldn’t ask you to”

You sat there in silence for a few more moments, just enjoying each other's company before everything fades away.

“I love you, too” You said in a whisper, hoping that he won’t hear “I still fucking love you”

Calum sighed “I know”

“Guess that you didn’t mean what you wrote on that song about me

‘Cause you said forever now I drive alone past your street”

.

Tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @sarcasticallywitty15 @hoodhoran @flaneurcth h @notinthesameguey @myloverboyash @yeah-and69 @fckingpernico

* if your url is crossed please reach out to me so we can fix it