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promise-you-doie · 6 months

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Like a Butterfly | P. Wonbin

Summary: Love is like a butterfly, a rare and gentle thing, how lucky of you to have found it twice. Pairings: Shotaro x Reader Wonbin x Reader words: 15k Genre: kind of a love triangle, fluff, angst. Warnings: mild cursing, suggestive. that's all. :)

Poetry has been around since the beginning of time. It knew many forms and emotions. You loved it because it had no rules, no restrictions. anything could be poetry. That was the beauty of art.

If you had a Time Machine you would teleport back to the time when life was simpler. You didn’t have the stress of school, the weight of peoples opinions or the inconvenience of being somewhat an adult.

Luckily you didn’t need a Time Machine, you had Wonbin. Having his arms wrapped around you was your form of escapism.

His fingers intertwined in yours and you feel yourself chasing all the heat his body has to offer as you push yourself as close as physics would allow you to. You love him, you’re sure of it.

You love the beautiful melody of his voice, the lovely shapes in his face. The brightness of his smile, the softness of his hands. and sometimes you think you love the way he loves you, but he doesn’t. That’s the issue.

You often find yourself daydreaming of an alternate universe in which he cared for you the way you care for him. It wouldn’t be too different from the one you’re in now. Only difference is you wouldn’t have to hide with him.

The two of you could love each other aloud, you could kiss him in front of your friends. Hold hands during the day.

But those were just daydreams. This is reality, and In your reality you were sitting on the opposite side of the food court watching Wonbin smile and giggle with a girl who wasn’t you.

Over time you’d gotten better at keeping your emotions tamed.

“Girl? You got beef with the broccoli?”

Well… you were still working on it.

“It's just not-“ you stab the broccoli a few more times before you give up and just throw the fork down.

“Is something bothering you?” Shotaro asks softly. Hearing his voice only eases you down. You could never be upset around him, not when he’s giving you a look like he’ll do anything on the planet to make sure your smile never fades.

It wasn’t just his eyes that were telling you that, it was everything about him. It’s just how he was.

“I’m just so stressed with midterms coming up. I can’t fail, my parents will kill me.” You partly lie.

“Want me to come over later, we can study together. I’ll make sure to get the cherry ice cream that you really like.”

His suggestion is enough to erase whatever distress you were feeling.

“Thank you taro.” You smile at him

“Oh you two are so cute. Just date already.” Giselle laughs watching the two of you interact with each other.

You wished it were that simple, you would just be happy with Shotaro like everyone expected you to. But the only dilemma to this obvious solution, was that you only kinda liked shotaro. But you really like Wonbin.

As if he could hear your thoughts, the devil with a sly smile walks over to your table stirring up your emotions once again. Smirking as if he knows how upset he’s made you talking to that girl.

“What’s going on over here?”

“Nothing that concerns you?” Winter dismisses him.

You try to ignore him but you can’t help but feel his gaze burning into you like the rays of the sun. Usually you loved it, but right now his intense contact made you wanna crawl up into a ball and vanish.

“Who’s the girl you were flirting with?” Ningning asks

“He probably doesn’t even know her name? It’s a new girl everyday with him.” Karina adds

Hearing it all made you want to throw up, but you keep your calm. Simply picking at the food on your plate trying to tune out the conversation that's happening right before you.

You’re so immersed in your food that you don’t even notice that everyone’s stopped talking and is watching you brutally stab at the chicken.

“Oh that poor chicken.” Ningning whispers.

After a few short seconds you break out of your own bubble and look up at your group of friends, quickly taking notice of horror on each of their faces.

“Sorry, I gotta use the bathroom.” You say dismissing yourself from the table.

“Damn, if she’s this scared for midterms. There’s no hope for the rest of us.” Sohee deadpans

“To be fair, there was never any hope for you.” Winter snickers.

The table breaks off into a new conversation, completely missing when Wonbin sneaks off after you.

“Where are you heading off to?” You hear Wonbin in some distance behind you.

“Class.”

Within a split second his hand is on your wrist pulling you back towards him until you’re face to chest.

“We have some time.”

“I’ve gotta get to class, Wonbin.”

“What’s up?”

“Nothing, I’m just-“

“You know i know better”

You couldn’t tell him the real truth. That it bothered you seeing him with someone else. That you were jealous but you had no right to be because the two of you weren’t even dating.

“It’s just a lot right now.”

“You usually come to me about these kinds of things.” He says softly and it makes you melt, almost as much as his subtle touch to your cheek.

“I've just been a little too busy lately.”

“Then I’ll just come over tonight, we can talk all you want.”

The offer was tempting. The only thing that could fix you was laying for hours in his arms and talking until you mumbled yourself to sleep just as you always do.

“Can’t. I’m studying with shotaro tonight.”

“Then I’ll just stop by afterwards.”

“I’m gonna be late for class.”

“I’ll see you later?”

“Goodbye, Wonbin.”

Laughter echoed throughout the living room where you and shotaro remained. Textbooks, notebooks, pens and snacks took up the space between the both of you. Keeping the mood light and easy.

“Okay let’s see…” you pause for a moment to search for a question you were sure he wasn’t gonna get.

“What is the term used to describe a process that is both catabolic and anabolic?”

“Amphibolic.”

“No fair, you cheated.”

“No i didn’t.”

“Did too!”

“Did not.”

In the middle of your childish bickering you hear your phone ding. Your first instinct was only to ignore it, and switch your phone off. But you quickly get a change of heart when you see that Wonbin is the reason for the notification.

Wonbin <3: still studying?

Wonbin <3: I miss you

Wonbin <3: Can’t stop thinking about you

Each message sends a new wave of butterflies, it’s almost sickening how you allowed him to have this effect on you.

You: I’m trying to focus

Wonbin <3: I’m sorry baby, continue studying.

“Sorry, Karina’s nagging me about her new shoes.” You made up.

“Actually it’s getting pretty late, do you wanna call it a night?” He asks as he’s already closing the books, knowing what your answer is gonna be before you get a chance to say anything.

“Um. Yeah, we can continue another time. I’m getting pretty tired.”

“So I’ll see you in class.”

“Of course. Drive safely. Text me when you get home.”

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, shotaro.” You smile warmly at him and it lingers for a few seconds before he finally leaves. You can’t help but hold your smile even after you close the door to your apartment and reach to clean up the small mess on your floor. It’s only a few books, highlighters and a set of keys that you assumed were yours at first but after picking them up you quickly noticed they weren’t.

Just as soon as you come to the conclusion of who the keys could belong to you hear a knock at the door.

“I picked them up as so-“ your eyes widen the moment you notice that it’s not shotaro but Wonbin standing on the other side of your doorway. Within two seconds you pull him in and check the hallway to make sure that no one saw him coming to your apartment at 11 pm at night.

“What are you doing here?” You whisper, shout, as if people can hear you through the walls.

“I wanted to see you.”

“What if he saw you?” And the moment the words leave your mouth there’s another knock at the door. You only have five seconds to think and in those five seconds you push Wonbin out of view and breathe before you open the door.

“I left my keys.”

“Yeah, I picked them up just a few seconds ago.”

“I also wanted to ask if maybe you’d want to come with me to the fall festival tomorrow.”

You fix your lips and you’re about to accept his invitation when you hear a loud noise coming from Wonbins direction.

“Did something fall?”

“No yeah it’s just a painting I’ve been trying to keep up. But it keeps falling.”

“Do you need help with it?”

“Uh no i think i might just return it, but yes i definitely want to join you tomorrow.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I think it’ll be fun.”

“Good, so uh I’ll just text you when I get home.”

“Drive safe, good night.”

“Goodnight.”

The second you close and lock the door you’re scolding Wonbin yet again.

“Are you trying to get us caught?”

“It just fell.”

“Oh just fell my ass.” You yell at him but you can’t remain serious when he’s looking down at you with his dark Diamond eyes. Or when he gives you that smile that you absolutely hate (love).

“I’ll be more careful next time.” he smirks.

You wanna scold him about there not being a “next time” but there’s only so much you can say when your lips are occupied with his own.

His hands are tugging and your waist to pull you closer to him and naturally your hands wrap around his forearms. Your conscience is telling you this is wrong and you need to end whatever it is that the two of you have going on. But your heart completely disagrees as you’re pulling him even closer to you like he’s gonna disappear under your grasp.

You find yourself in this position too often. You wished you could say you hated it, but that’s just not the case. It’s almost sickening how weak you are for him. All he had to do was say your name and you’d fold for him time and time again.

His fingers are twirling around in your hair, your legs are horizontally crossing his and cheeks are pressed against his chest. By now your eyes are getting heavier and heavier, and the warmth of his body doesn’t aid in your sleepiness. Nor does the way his chest vibrates every time he speaks, and especially not when his voice is soft and soothing.

“What got you upset this morning?” He circles the question back around after hours. You don’t wanna remember the way she smiled at him or the way she brushed her hand against his arm. And you especially don’t wanna have to tell him about your frustrations so you sum it up to. “Just something the girls and I were talking about.” Hoping he wouldn’t ask any more questions about the matter.

Eventually you shift your body so you can just lay over top of him, and comfortably fall asleep on his chest. The rhythm of his beating heart and the way his body rises with each breath he takes is more than enough to have you drifting to sleep once again and when you’re hanging on to a single thread of energy he kisses atop your head and whispers for you to sleep well.

“Are you here by yourself?” That’s the single question that landed you here in the first place.

You’re sitting alone in an almost empty library. There’s just you, a few other students and the librarian. It’s quiet, that’s why you loved it. perfect place to go and get set on all of your academics or just escape from the noises of everyday life.

You’re so interested in your book that you fail to notice Wonbin walk in, and immediately gravitate over to you.

It’s not until he speaks that you lift your head from the contents of your novel to meet his eyes, and a pretty smile to match.

“Are you here by yourself?” He asks

“Yeah, I just needed to clear my head.”

From there is when you both begin a conversation, you realize that he’s easy to talk to. The conversation just flows like the crystal clear water of a river. You talk enough to have just wasted 3 hours of what was supposed to be alone time. But you feel as if you’d rather have spent time talking to him than doing anything else.

Overtime he becomes the person you can go to just to talk. Talk about any and everything, but somehow conversations led to prolonged kisses and touching each other in ways you wouldn’t want from anyone else.

“I’ve never kissed anyone.”

“Really, never?”

“I mean well, I kissed this guy in freshman year of highschool. but it was so weird I don't even wanna think about it.”

you stopped talking when you noticed him watching your lips. For a good few seconds neither of you said anything. The only noise to fill the air was the background noise of the T.V.

“First kisses are usually always awkward, mine was.”

you gasp a little when his focus shifts from your lips back to your eyes.

“yeah, I guess so.”

“So I'm guessing you haven’t dated anyone?”

“no, not yet.”

“How come?”

“I just don’t have the time, not with school and stuff.”

“but you have time to talk to me.”

“That's because I like talking to you.”

“you do?”

with each sentence that leaves his mouth you hear the tone of his voice get softer and softer. you couldn’t remember when it started, when you started liking him. or when just the sound of his voice became so intoxicating to you, but what you did know was that there wasn’t anything you could do about it.

so when he gently slipped his hand under your jaw and hooked around the side of your face, and kept eye contact with you as he got closer and closer until you felt his breath brush upon your lips. you only closed your eyes, you didn’t have the willpower to fight him off and even if you did. you wouldn’t want to.

because your second kiss was way better than your first, it was unclear why though. was it the quality of the kiss, or was it the person you shared the kiss with? you were unsure, and as much as you wanted to find out. you couldn’t, it couldn’t happen. not again.

being with wonbin broke so many of the friendship rules and you knew that. which is why you never told your friends and you never kissed him again.

however the conversations never stopped, talking to him was how you managed through busy weeks and frustrating assignments. you were too busy for leisure time, let alone relationships. so how did you make time for him? how did you manage time to sneak around with him?

“you just take this 4 and multiply it by the 7 down here.” you ask

when you look up is when you finally notice how close he was. you stop breathing for a few seconds looking down to see that if you moved just a few inches you’d be touching his fluffy pretty lips.

but you blink out of your fantasy, you’d already made it clear that what happened before, can’t happen again.

“are you keeping up?”

“no i think i got lost, could you run it over one more time.” he’s just barely whispering now, and staring at your lips.

“yeah, umm you just…”

before you could explain anything he moves the hair from covering your face, using only his index finger to push it over your shoulder so he could see you a little more clearly.

“wonbin…” you whine lowly and it causes him to laugh in a way that gives you butterflies.

“yeah?” he asks innocently.

it’s his smile, it’s his smile that makes your heart beat outside of your chest. it’s his smile that makes you act the way you do. it’s his smile that posses you to kiss him back when he lays his lips on yours.

“We can't take this any further.” you say once you push him off of you

“okay.” his lips are agreeing but his hands aren’t obeying. sliding past the skin of your thigh in a way that makes you dizzy.

“I won't do anything you don’t want me to.”

“it’s not that i don’t want to…”

“then tell me what it is?”

“you can’t flirt your way out of this assignment.” the words come out in a whisper as you take his larger hands into your own, to stop him from sliding up and down your leg.

the rest of the evening went smoothly. only small touches here and there. but nothing that you felt like would jeopardize the friendship. but when he leaves and you fall back on your bed all you think about is how perfect his lips felt on yours or how electrifying his hands felt on your skin.

you know that the friendship is beyond jeopardized by now. you don't know when the damage began, if it was when you shared the first kiss? or if it was when you rolled off your bed to answer the door after wonbin had left, only to find that he was back. and he was thinking about you just how you were thinking about him.

“Why are you still here?” you question but he doesn’t answer. He walks in the more you back up until he’s far enough to close the door behind him.

“Can I kiss you?”

“no.” you wish you had the strength to say that. no, more like you wished you could say that and actually mean it. but he stands over you looking down at you in a way that makes you forget everything else.

“please.”

What started as a kiss ended as the two of you wrapped in your sheets.

you shielded your face in his neck from all of the embarrassment you felt, knowing that it was far too late to just stay “friends”.

“We can't tell anyone about this.”

“I won’t say a thing.”

he agrees as he lays a sweet kiss on the side of your head.

you thought that this was the lowest you could go. having sex with him and lying to your friends. but you found a way to go lower, you fell in love.

you fell in love with him, and you fell in love with sneaking around with him. kissing in hidden hallways, lingering gazes in front of your friends and cryptic conversations.

that’s why everytime he comes over you can’t help but give in to him. anger doesn’t exist when you’re around him and you wanted so deeply to hate him. but you just can’t

Within 30 minutes of Wonbin waking you to tell you he was leaving to get ready for school, your alarm went off, telling you that it was now your turn. Not ready to get up yet you snooze your alarm for 20 more minutes.

After twenty minutes pass and your alarm goes off again you roll out of bed and throw on the first thing you see. Which happens to be an oversized black zip up hoodie and a pair of jeans.

“Is that Wonbin’s hoodie?” Giselle asks the second she she’s you.

“Hmm?” You finally look down at the large garment you’re wearing. Nearly widening your eyes when you realize it is in fact his hoodie.

“No. Girl why would I be wearing Wonbin’s hoodie?” You laugh off and she follows after you

“I thought it was for a second.”

“Anyways I heard shotaro finally asked you out on a date.”

“It’s not really a date, we’re just hanging out.”

“Hanging out alone? It's definitely a date.” She re-adresses and continues

“It’s about time, you guys move like turtles.”

By the time she finishes her sentence you’re standing right out front of the door to the class.

“It’s just a little hang out.”

“Talk to someone who doesn’t know any better.”

“Goodbye Gigi.”

“Bye girl.”

The second you walk into class you catch a glimpse of the very girl that had her paws over (not) your man yesterday morning. But you don’t get much time to think because shotaro calls your name and signals you over to take a seat next to him.

“Hey.” You smile before you take a seat.

“How’d you sleep?”

“I slept pretty well.”

“So we’re still on for tonight.”

“Yeah of course.”

He smiles and turns to the teacher when she begins to speak. You wanna pay attention to the class, but all your focus goes to the brunette beauty sitting far across the room.

She’s talking to her friend and she starts to smile, you see just how pretty her smile is. Which you hadn’t noticed yesterday. She’s gorgeous and you hate it. You hate how pretty she is, you hate that you’re now so fixed on her because of one minor interaction between her and someone that you weren’t even supposed to be with.

Each time you try to pretend she isn’t there, you find yourself taking more and more peaks of her. By the end of the class you’re now hating yourself and wanting again to just disappear into thin air.

You leave class immediately, wanting to head to the bathroom and take a small break but Wonbin has other plans as he stands outside of your class to pull you aside the second you walk out.

“Why haven’t you responded to my text?”

“Huh?” You question clearly confused about what it is he would even be messaging you about that was so serious it warranted him standing outside of your class like a fool.

“Didn’t you get my messages?”

“No, I haven't checked my phone.”

“Wow, nice to see that you guys are finally talking. Sometimes i forget that you two know each other.” Shotaro speaks from besides you.

“It’s just there's nothing for us to really talk about.”

“I think we’d have more conversations if you didn’t ignore me.”

To that you just laugh off, hoping that Shotaro didn’t catch the sarcasm in Wonbin’s statement.

“Well I’ll leave you guys to talk, I’ll be in the library.” Shotaro points as he walks off and you fix your legs to follow after him but Wonbin takes your wrist and pulls you back to him.

Only for you to quickly pull it away. “What are you trying to do?”

“Sorry, wouldn’t want your boyfriend to catch us.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” You say first

“And secondly i didn’t say anything when you were fucking that girl with your eyes yesterday.”

You wanna die when he smiles down at you, finally pulling out the answer that you’d been trying to hide.

“Is that why you were so mad?” he mocks.

“No, I wasn’t mad. I don’t care. do what you want.”

“To be fair you’re not being so discreet, walking around campus with my hoodie on.”

“I didn’t realize it was yours until I got to school.”

“But you still have it on.”

“I don’t have a shirt on '' you whisper shyly enough for him to hear. The way he smiled at you makes you debate on whether you wanna kiss him in front of everyone or run and hide.

“Well you look good in it.” He says playing on the strings of the hoodie.

“Can I see you later?”

“You know you can’t.”

“Right, you have a date.”

“It’s not a date.”

“Then go tell him that.”

“No. Why would - I don't have time for this. I have to go study.”

“Study hard.” You don’t give a response, you just roll your eyes and walk away.

This is a date. There was no point of lying to yourself anymore when you knew the answer. Shotaro’s handsy, not in the way that makes you uncomfortable, but in the way that if a stranger were watching they’d think that you were a couple.

Of course you don’t mind it when he slides an arm around your waist and pulls you close to him whenever a stranger passes by you. Or when he slips his hand over yours to lead you through the different activities.

In fact you think you might actually like it. The mood with shotaro is so light you feel like you're just floating. You’re happy, and you know you can most definitely get used to this.

“Look.” He says to grab your attention. You turn around and see he’s holding his phone to take a selfie with you. So easily you hold up a pose to match his expression and watch as he takes a few flicks.

He swipes through the pictures in front of you so you can see the results. Leaned against him with your arm looped around his.

“These are so cute.”

“You like them?”

“Mhm, send them to me.”

“Okay what do you wanna do next?”

“Um~” you hymn while looking, scanning around the area to see what catches your eye. Each station looks fun and interactive but when you see a coffee stand that has hot chocolate, your mind is made up immediately.

“Let’s get hot chocolate.” You look up at him and he’s looking down at you with his dark orbs.

“Hot chocolate it is.”

He leads you to the hot chocolate station and stands with you in line.

“Which one do you want?”

“Pumpkin with whipped cream.”

You wait in line, your arms remained tightened around Shotaro while he placed the order. You only pull your arms off of him when the person working the stand passes you your cup of hot chocolate.

“Oh look, it's Wonbin.”

Hearing his name is enough to perk your ears up. You hadn’t thought about him the whole night, and you really don’t wanna start now.

You follow Shotaro's eyes to see Wonbin standing not far away from you. He doesn’t notice you standing there until Shotaro calls out his name and signals him over to you.

Wonbin sees Shotaro first and then he sees you, shaking your head back and forth with widened eyes hoping that he’d take the hint and stay where he is. But he doesn’t, of course he doesn’t.

“Hey I didn't know you guys would be here.” Wonbin lied straight through his pretty lips.

“We were just hanging out.” Shotaro responds on your behalf

“I’ve been looking for you. I got our hot chocolate.” The same girl from yesterday stood right in front of you again. Wearing the same smile she had prior and a look in her eyes that tells you that she really really liked Wonbin.

“Thanks.” He says retrieving a cup from one of her hands and using his other hand to hold the hand he just freed.

You feel sick again, just as you did yesterday morning. The worst part is that you know that he knows because of the way he smirks darkly at you.

“Oh these are my friends.”

“Oh I know you guys, we have biology together. I always thought that you made the cutest couple.”

You smile and look up at Shotaro who’s also smiling.

“They aren’t dating.” wonbin sternly corrects her before she gets a chance to finish her sentence

“Wait really, you should y’all are so cute together.” She compliments again. Completely oblivious to the way wonbin turns his head and rolls his eyes.

“Wouldn’t they be perfect together?” She looks up at Wonbin for an answer.

“Yeah, I couldn't imagine her with anyone else.”

“Thanks everyone tells us that we should get together.” You smile up at shotaro hoping to make Wonbin at least half as upset as he made you.

“We should leave you love birds to finish your night.”

“Actually I think it would be fun for us to go through the haunted maze together.” You loop your arm back around Shotaro and smile at Wonbin.

“Oh my god, yes.” Wonbin’s date jumps and sequels.

The night was fun before and you had expected it to get even better, clinging on Shotaro as you walked in front of Wonbin and his date through the maze. Tightening your hold onto his arm each time another actor popped out. Or giggling about how brave he was, knowing that wonbin got to see everything.

You just wished that you could keep up the act for the entire night. Or at least not visibly roll your eyes when you hear a small voice behind you go “this is so scary, can I hold your hand.” It took everything in you not to turn around to see what was going on behind you.

The more you hear the conversation going on behind you the more you cling to Shotaro. Half attempting to make him jealous and half hoping that if you spent more time worrying about Shotaro you’d spend less time thinking about wonbin and the girl behind you, and not what they were doing.

Not that there was actually anything happening, wonbin was too occupied with watching you laugh and smile with Shotaro to even care about the girl that he invited simply to see you get mad again. Her hands on him went completely unnoticed as he poked his tongue through his cheek to stop himself from making any comments aloud.

When all of you finished the maze you were annoyed and so was he, but both of you were stubborn. So he wore a pretty fake smile when he wrapped his arm around the girl beside him and you did the same, intertwining your fingers with Shotaro's and smiling up to him about how fun the maze was.

You weren’t even trying to piss Wonbin off anymore, you were just trying to keep up the act that you started. Unsure of who you were doing it for. Were you trying to convince Wonbin, Shotaro or yourself?

The night ends off with you in the passenger seat of his car, after he arrives at your apartment.

“I had so much fun, taro. Thanks for inviting me out.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, I actually wanted to talk to you a little bit.”

“Yeah? What's up?”

“Well actually I’ve been thinking about this for a while. I just didn’t wanna make a fool of myself, but I was talking to the guys about it, and they said I should just do it. I don’t wanna make things weird though and actu-” you’re watching him in adoration as he rambles on and avoids eye contact with you.

“Do what?” you ask through your giggle

“Well I really like you, Y/N. I’ve liked you for a long time now and I like talking to you, spending time with you.”

“Yeah.” you speak gently, that’s what makes shotaro take a deep breath and finally look at you.

“I just wanted to ask if you’d like to be my girlfriend?.”

“I-“ you begin to speak but he’s quick to cut you off before you could even answer him.

“You don’t have to give me an answer right now, just think about it and let me know when you’re ready.”

“I’ll definitely think about it.” You reach to give him a kiss on his cheek.

“Goodnight.”

What an eventful night, you think while walking into your apartment. Easily your feet shuffle to your bed and allow yourself to fall back.

Shotaros question leaves you confused. You wanted to say yes. It seemed like the obvious answer, and you would have agreed to his proposal the second he asked but the only thing standing in your way is Wonbin.

You turn in your bed and curl into a ball, taking the black garment beside you and using it as a pillow not noticing that it’s Wonbin’s hoodie until you recognize the large print written behind the hoodie.

Just as you throw the hoodie across the room there’s a knock at the door. It’s small and kinda shy so you think it’s shotaro and for the second night in a row you’re mistaken as you open to find Wonbin standing directly parallel from you.

You have nothing to say to him, you’re mad at him, you think. But you’re not entirely sure. You feel like you’re supposed to be upset and you’re supposed to be kicking him out of your apartment. You try to find the answer by just looking at him, but when you see him you see Wonbin. You love the man you see in front of you, and you hate that you do.

“Where’s your date?” You ask

“Probably at home.”

“Does she know you’re here?”

He invites himself in fully and closes the door behind him.

“I bet you'd like to know.”

“You were all touchy feely earlier, I’d think that you really liked her.”

“I don’t even know her name.”

“You’re a sick man,”

“You’re not any better, baby.

You knew you were just as bad. You were well aware. Both of you are using innocent people as pawns in this twisted game you liked to play.

“I’m not as bad as you.”

“So you don’t mind me telling shotaro about this?”

“Why would you do that?”

“Why shouldn’t i?”

He’s so close to you, that you feel his heat radiating on to you. But he’s not as close as you’d like him to be. That’s how you knew you were worse than he was. Because even with everything that just transpired tonight you wanted nothing more than to wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him until you're out of breath. Until his lips are red and swollen, until you finally understand what’s holding you back from fully committing to shotaro.

The question goes unanswered when your lips are tangled in his, not an inch in between your connecting bodies. Only thing to pull you away from each other is when you hear a single ring from your phone, telling you that someone texted.

You know who it is, and so does he. But it doesn’t stop you from pulling out your phone to check the message from shotaro telling you to sleep well.

This isn’t right, you feel at this exact moment that this isn’t right. You look up at Wonbin, your eyes easily finding him. Thinking that maybe this will set you straight. But all it does is remind you of how you got here in the first place.

Within a split second your lips are back on his again, they never leave. Even as he leads you to your bed to lay you down gently.

“This is the last time we’re doing this, so you better make it count.”

“Yes ma’am.” Is all he whispers in your ear before he begins leaving kisses down your collar bone.

Mornings after spending a night with Wonbin were the exact reason that you kept this going for so long. There’s nothing in the world more comforting than the beating of his heart mixed with sounds of chirping birds and light of the morning sun sneaking into your apartment.

There once was a time when you’d swore you wanted to lay here for eternity. But something today is different, because with the birds chirping and the sun dimly shining and his arms wrapped firmly around you. It just doesn’t feel the same, you can’t tell what’s changed.

But you know that the more you lay in bed with him the more you feel wrong.

“You’re awake?” He peeks down at you with sleepy eyes. The ones you loved waking up to, at least you used to. You don’t know what’s switched in you, but honestly you don’t wanna know. Now you finally have the strength to end this cycle that you’ve started.

His eyes are trained on you and you sit up and lean against your headboard.

“You should go.” You didn’t mean for it to come out as a whisper.

“What?”

“I want you to leave.”

He doesn’t ask anymore questions but you can tell he’s confused. You’re watching him in silence as he slips his clothes back on and you grab one of your favorite oversized band shirts to throw on.

“Can I call you later?”

“You won’t get an answer.”

The room goes silent again, while he collects his shoes, wallet, and phone and makes his way to the door.

“Wait.” You stop him before he walks out.

It’s almost fun to you when you see him turn back to you with shadows of hope ghosting over his expression.

“You forgot this.” You tease,

walking to him with his black hoodie.

“Goodbye, Wonbin.” You reach to plant a chaste kiss on his cheek.

Nobody notices how your eyes are glued to Wonbin when he takes a seat directly across from you. He pretends like he’s so focused on what Seunghan has to say but you know that’s not the case because when he laughs he looks at you.

It doesn’t occur to you until now that this whole kind of breakup thing isn’t going to be easy at all.

“So Y/N how’d your date go yesterday?” Karina turns the attention to you. You feel all eyes turn to your direction and including Wonbin’s who’s looking you through his eyebrows.

“We had a lot of fun.” You turn to shotaro hoping that maybe it will take your attention off of the man sitting across from you.

“Did you guys kiss?”

“You know they didn’t, they still act like 2nd graders when they touch hands.”

“Be careful, she’s not as innocent as she looks.”

Wonbin laughs while looking at you.

“Wait what? Y/n did you finally lose your virginity?”

The question causes you to cough aloud. Sure you weren’t innocent, but you definitely did not want to talk about your first sex experience in public to all of your guy friends and especially not with shotaro and Wonbin.

“I um… yeah, remember I told you guys.”

“Oh yeah, the guy from earlier this year. That you said made you wanna baby trap him with how good it was.”

“I don’t think I said all that.”

“Mm mm you said more.”

“I remember cause she was like-“

“Okay, that’s enough.” You stop them. Not only because it was a topic you’d rather not talk about in front of shotaro but also because the man that you wanted to “baby trap.” Was Wonbin

“Whatever happened to him?” Giselle asked

“She probably got bored and dropped him.” Wonbin snickers under his breath, not even bothering to look at you.

“Well, actually. I realized that we weren’t good for each other, and that I needed to be with someone who was good for more than just sex.”

“Amen girl.” Giselle adds

“Aww and now she has shotaro.”

“Honestly it sounds like an upgrade. What a douchebag.” Winter says while looking down at her food.

“But let’s be honest? Do you even like shotaro?” Wonbin blurts out. It takes not even 30 seconds for you to jump up and drag Wonbin away from the table by his wrist to a place where the rest of your friends can still see you but none of them can hear you.

All heads are turned towards the both of you as you yell at him for his unnecessary comments.

“What are they talking about?” Winter questions

“Don’t worry guys, I can read lips.” sohee says

“Okay she said something about the weather.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” you ask frustratedly

“I just asked a question, but it clearly got you upset ” He smiles down at you.

“It’s none of your business.”

“Maybe not, but I feel like he deserves to know.” Wonbin gestures to shotaro who walks up behind you.

“What’s going on with you guys?”

“Nothing, we had a small argument yesterday and now he’s acting like a baby.” You answer shotaro while watching Wonbin.

“Do you need to talk it out?” Shotaro asks

“There’s nothing more to say.” Wonbin says nonchalantly while walking back to the table and grabbing his bag, throwing it over his shoulder while making his way past you.

“I’ll see you around.” Is all he says before walking off and leaving you and shotaro by yourself.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” You look down and notice shotaro’s hand is loosely wrapped around yours. You don’t really know when it got there but you figure that that’s the reason Wonbin decided to cut the conversation.

“I’m fine, sorry about all that.”

After the entire incident with Wonbin you really only see him around campus. Neither of you are brave enough to talk to each other or at least apologize.

No matter how many times shotaro has explained to you that he didn’t find offense in Wonbin’s question. Or that he just wants you guys to work it out because he hates seeing his two close friends fight.

Part of you wants to just be honest with him and tell him what the whole fight was really about. But the rest of you thinks about the guilt you’ll feel when you see his reaction.

As far as the rest of the friend group went, things were pretty awkward. They’d only have one of you around at a time to avoid any blow up again.

As time goes on, the more you’re reminded that you guys had that rule about not dating within the friend group. And with each passing moment you feel guilty, because you never intended for things to get this far.

Even though this situation was extremely stressful you still had Shotaro’s question lingering in the back of your mind and with everything going on the answer seemed even clearer than ever.

Especially if Wonbin was no longer in the picture.

“So shotaro asked me to be his girlfriend.” you start

“It’s about time.” Ningning speaks

“When?” karina asks

“2 weeks ago, after we went to the festival.” you answer

“And what did you say?” giselle asks

“I didn’t give him an answer yet. He told me to think about it.” you respond

“What is there to think about?” winter questions

“I don’t know, we just had that rule about dating within each other and I didn’t wanna break it.” You lie.

“When we made that rule, it never applied to you and shotaro.” karina says, rolling her eyes

“Girl, two weeks is long enough to think about it, call him right now.” ningning says picking up your phone and throwing it in your lap.

“I can’t do that.” you argue

“Yes you can, and you will.” ningning states

“I’ll just text him.” you mumble

“No, you need to call him.” giselle says sharply

Ignoring them, you open your messages and begin to type out your message.

You: I’ve been thinking about it a lot. And I think I'm ready to finally be your girlfriend.

The second you send the text you throw your phone down on the bed. Hands shielding your face as if it could aid in the embarrassment you feel. The girls all squealed as the message was sent.

“Girl what are you scared of, he asked you.” ningning says laughing

“I know but it’s still scary, what if he changed his mind.” you say

“I’m sure he didn’t.”

Right after winter speaks you hear three bells come from your phone. To inform you that you got three new messages from shotaro.

The anticipation is killing you alive. On one hand you wanna know what he said and on the other you’re too afraid to pick up your phone.

“Girl answer the phone.” giselle says

“I can’t.” you say pushing the phone away from you

“Okay fine, I’ll do it.” Karina picks up the phone to read the messages. That’s when you finally uncover your face and watch their reaction carefully.

If their faces weren’t enough to tell you that something was wrong, the collective “oh.” Should’ve done it for you.

“What? What’s wrong?” you ask

“Umm you might wanna see this yourself.” karina says with a tight smile

They passed your phone back so you could see what was happening.

Wonbin: when you said you wanted to end things, i didn’t think this is what you meant

But honestly I’m glad you finally texted me, I really missed you.

I'd like to see how this works out

“Wow“ you sat there staring at your phone screen

“How did you even do that?” winter says, her brows furrowed

“I don’t know, I had both of their contacts pinned and I guess I accidentally chose the wrong one.” you stress

“Chose the wrong one?” giselle asks, her brow raised

“Wait, why would you even have Wonbin’s contact pinned? And what does he mean to end things?” karina asks, looking to the other girls

It’s true what they say. What’s done in the dark comes to the light. No matter how good you think you are at hiding. The truth always comes out eventually.

“Umm.” you trail off

You try to figure out how to say things while the four girls sit there waiting for an answer.

“We’ve been talking for a while.” you mumble

“Talking like how?” they start

“Did you guys have sex?” winter asks

“We’ve dabbled.” you mutter

“Literally what does that even mean?” ningning says, squinting at you

“Yeah.” you sigh

“How many times?” Giselle asks

“Uh like 3 times.” You’re not sure if it’s accurate but 3 is the first number that pops up in your head, and you start to nod your head when you see a couple of the girls nodding in agreement.

“Okay that’s not too bad.” giselle responds.

“A week.” You finish.

They let out a collective “damn.” Which told you that its definitely a lot.

“I didn’t know he had all that in him.” Karina says with widened eyes

“Oh he’s definitely got all that.” The thought makes you smile a little.

“Wait, you and Wonbin? As in the pretty boy who would flirt with a plant if it had eyes.”

“Yeah~”

“How did this happen?”

“I don’t know, I don't know one day we were just talking. Next day… he was in my bed. I thought that it’d be the first and only time but-“

“You just couldn’t stay away.” giselle speaks what you were thinking, causing you to shake your head in shame.

“How long have you guys been.. Y’know seeing each other.” winter questions

“Since like February.” you answer

“That’s 9 months.” Winter calculates

“Oh you sneaky bitch.” Ningning shakes her head

It takes but only a few minutes for other truths to be revealed.

“Is that why he blew up at the table? He’s the guy you wanted to baby trap?”

“Yeah.” You look down

“And you did have his hoodie on that day?”

You didn’t have anything to say for yourself, you were just ashamed.

“I can’t believe you lied to me. To my face.”

“She’s been lying to all of us.”

“Hold up… you said you had sex in your bed…” Ningning pauses “in this bed?” She points down gesturing to the bed.

“Yeah? Why?” Your question is answered when they all immediately jump off the bed and scream.

“Come on guys, I washed the sheets.”

“When’s the last time you guys hooked up?” winter asks

“Well I wouldn't call it hooking up, I’d say more love making, we have emotions between us when we do what we do.”

“Answer the question.” they yell at you collectively, you’ve always found it amusing how in sync they were.

“When I went to the fall festival with Shotaro.”

“Was this before or after he popped the question?” giselle asks

“After…” you say while looking to the side.

“Wow, you’re evil.”

“Poor shotaro. You’ve been cheating on him this entire time.” Ningning sighs

“We were never dating.” you say

“Yeah and you never will with this type of behavior.” She adds

“You and Wonbin? I’m still trying to imagine it.” Karina says

“I Can Girl, and it is not a pretty sight.” Giselle responds

The voices of the other girls are drowned out when you stare at the messages that Wonbin sent you. “I missed you.” Pops out the most to you. You bite your lip thinking about being exclusive with him.

While you’re still reviewing the text you see the text bubbles arise leaving you anxious to see what he’s about to say next.

Whilst going over the messages there’s a knock at the door. You along with all of the girls towards the door and they all turn to look at you.

“I think it’s your man.” Ningning teases

“God I hope not.”

“Well hurry and answer it.” Winter rushes you

Your feet drag towards the door, not really wanting to face him right now and especially not when you have your girls watching you.

However everything goes out of the window when you see his face. You don’t remember why you were fighting and start to question how you thought you could go without seeing him like this again.

“Oh guys, it’s wonbin. Ha ha.”

“What are you doing here?”

You don’t need to look to know that the girls are watching you like you’re on drugs. So instead of carrying this act on further you just stand back and let him in.

“Just.. come in.”

“You know what, now that I’ve seen it. I totally get it.” Karina admits

“Me too. They’d have the cutest babies.” Ningning exclaims

“Babies?” You question

“They’d be annoying too, please wear protection?” Winter adds

“Our babies wouldn’t be…” you stop when you realize what it is you’re saying. “There aren’t gonna be any babies.”

“Sure.” one of them say sarcastically

They all make their way to the entrance and start to leave. The last one to go is Ningning who looks at both of you one last time and says.

“No, you definitely chose the right one.” Before smiling at you and leaving you to answer Wonbin’s new set of questions.

“What’s she talking about?”

“We were talking about my apartment unit. I was questioning whether I got the right layout or not.”

Wonbin was right, you weren’t at all as innocent as you looked. Your ability to come up with a clever lie on the spot was a talent that you praised yourself on. All the practicing was really paying off.

“What made you change your mind? about us?” He placed his hands on each side of your hips and asked.

“Well we were talking and I realized that I couldn’t hide it anymore.”

Boyfriend Wonbin was completely different from hookup Wonbin. PDA was his love language, which you were still getting used to.

The campus is full of students just trying to go about their day and get to their next activity. You easily blend in as one of those fairly busy students. Just making your way down the campus field when you hear your name being called from behind you.

“Let me walk you to class.” He says while cuffing your hands with his.

You hesitate to answer.

“Um okay.”

As soon as those words leave your mouth his fingers are intertwined in yours. Now walking through campus just simply holding hands has your heart racing.

Constantly looking over your shoulder to see if there’s actually eyes on you or if you're just hallucinating.

When your relationship was hidden you imagined things like this, holding his hand in public for everyone to see. Claiming him as yours. But now that you had the opportunity you were paranoid.

You’re not sure what you’re scared of until you see the girl who’s name you never learned, talking with her friends right in front of your class

“Text me when you get out of class.”

“Yeah.. okay.”

You say while still eyeing the brown haired girl opposite of him. You don’t know her but you feel extremely guilty about what you’ve dragged her into.

you only pull your eyes away when he uses his first two fingers and guides your face towards him. “I'm right here, baby.”

“don’t call me that, what if they hear you.”

“hear what? me talking to my girlfri-“

the second you begin to hear the “g” word you push your lips on his to shush him up. it wasn’t the best thing to do but it just happened instinctively.

and now you were beyond embarrassed.

“I'll see you later.”

When you turn away to go into class he pulls you back and places a softer kiss on your lips.

“Study hard.” he cheers you on as you walk into the classroom.

“Do you have yesterday's notes, I left my laptop with Wonbin.” Shotaro nudges you.

“Yeah, of course. how is he by the way, it’s been a while since we talked.” you ask.

“really? I thought he said he was with you a few days ago?” he questions

“Umm, now that I think about it. We did hang out a little. I forgot about it for a second, sorry.”

“I'm glad you guys are getting along again.”

you feel it again, the guilt.

“I mean things are still a little awkward, we’re not that close.” You lie again.

“It’s still progress.”

It was definitely progress just not in the way that he thinks.

Your hour and 30 minute class felt like an eternity. With shotaro right beside you and wonbin’s former date in front of you, you felt like the walls were closing in on you.

The second class is over, you make a run for it. Quickly tossing your bag over your shoulder and scurrying out before shotaro or anyone else could stop you. But as soon as you step out of the classroom door you’re met with a smiley Wonbin waiting patiently for you.

“How was class?” he asks while slipping his hands into yours and swinging his arms back and forth.

You’d love to just sit and talk with him, but only of course in the privacy of your apartment. Not here where Shotaro could easily see you, holding hands with the one person that you just told him you haven’t heard from.

Wonbin observes when you gently pull your hand from his and back away from him. “It was okay, I’m kinda busy though now. So I’m gonna-”

“Wonbin, what are you doing over here? Isn’t your class across campus?” shotaro walks out with an unknowing smile hanging between his cheeks.

“To pick up-”

“He said he was here to give you your laptop back.”

You stop him mid sentence and wrap your arm around his shoulder to stop him from grabbing your hand again. You can feel the heat of Wonbins eyes watching you but you try to ignore it as you keep focused on shotaro.

“I don’t have it with me.” he says confused,

The two of them standing in front of you at the same time makes your heart pound outside of your chest. Scared that Shotaro might reveal that he asked you to be his girlfriend, or that wonbin might uncover that you’re his girlfriend.. So what would anyone do in these kinds of situations? Lie. You were already doing that a ton these days.

“That’s interesting, well we’ll see you later. Wonbin and I have a project to finish up,” you say in a hurry, pulling Wonbin away by his wrist before either of them could question anything.

Spending everyday hiding and lying to everyone was more tiring than you thought it'd be. But despite all of that there were a few positives to this relationship with your newfound boyfriend.. Things like sitting with legs horizontally across his lap while he goes over the notes for his history class.

There’s nothing to be said, it’s completely silent other than the sounds coming from the world outside of your apartment. You liked it this way. Just being in silence with him, skin on skin, heartbeats in sync. Your fingers playing in his hair out of habit, watching him carefully review the contents of his lap. When you notice a little black leather book hanging out of his bag.

“What’s this?” you say while leaning over to pick it up. Wonbin only looks up at you and then towards the book that you’re leaning to get and immediately he reaches to get it before you do.

“Just a notebook.” he says, holding it away from you.

“Well let me see it, it’s pretty.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Just let me see it.” you whine while pushing yourself further over top of him just to reach the notebook in his hand. By the time you finally get to the notebook, you let out a small giggle of victory. And run on the other side of the room.

The book isn’t too big, just big enough to fit into the palm of your hand with a small latch on the front and some small pattern art indented onto the front and the back. You don’t think to open it until he says “Okay, you’ve seen it. Give it back.”

“I’m not done looking.” you tease inspecting the book more, unlatching the hook to read the contents inside the book.

“Ooh Is this your poetry? I didn’t know you write.”

He’s talking but you don’t hear anything he says when you begin to read a random page of the small book aloud.

Fragile like a butterfly, soft like the petals of a healthy rose. You're stuck in my brain like lyrics to a catchy song. If you were a book I'd read you over and over again. If you were a movie I'd watch you repeatedly, but you don't have to be a book or a movie for me to enjoy watching you, reading the scriptures of your eyes like literature. feeling the texture of your skin as if you were made from braille. holding onto your hips as if the flesh of your body was the only source to eternal life. breathing in your scent as if you were made from the finest perfume.

cherishing you now, because I know I'll never find anything better.

“Aww you’re so romantic.” you tease again before finding another random page to read.

What do you call this?

the feeling I get in my stomach when I see you? the emotions I feel when you kiss me. the pit in my stomach when I see you smiling with someone else.

Is this what love feels like?

What do you call it when I start to smile to myself when I see something that reminds me of you.

when there's no one else in the world that makes me feel the way you do.

Is this what love feels like?

What do I do when you don't feel the same way? when loving you feels like self-inflicted torture. when you're both the remedy and sickness.

I hope this isn't what love feels like.

“Wait, is this…”you begin asking but trail off when you realize it's probably not what you’re thinking.

“All of these are about you.”

“Why?” you say the first thing that comes to mind, but retract shortly after you redirect the question. “I didn’t know you felt this way?”

You keep your eyes on him even as he stands up and walks over to you. “You really couldn’t tell?”

“How could I, when you’re always talking and flirting with someone new in front of me. Or that girl from the festival? You know you don’t really do a good job at showing people you care for them.”

“Okay so how do you feel?” he redirects the focus onto you.

“I really really like you obviously?” he’s looking at you but you’re trying to look everywhere else but in his direction. He’s watching you like he’s waiting for you to say something else, and you both know what he’s expecting you to say.

“I love you. I really love you. You don’t need me to tell you that.”

“I do, I need you to tell me everyday.”

By now you’re speechless. Not because you have nothing to say but because you have so much to say you don’t even know where to start. You could tell him that you’ve been in love with him for so long that it felt like forever or you could tell him that he’s crazy for not knowing how you felt about him. Or you could just kiss him, because that should be enough to say everything all at once without saying anything at all. And that’s what you choose.

As more time goes on you feel that Ningning was right. You definitely did choose the right one, there wasn’t anyone else that fit you better than wonbin. Shotaro was close but he just wasn’t the same. You don’t know what it is about him that you love, but being with him just puts your mind at ease.

you’d gotten more comfortable with doing a couple things in public. things like holding hands, and kissing. that is of course until you spot shotaro walking up, that’s when you pull your hand away and make up some silly lie that you have to get something from your car.

or other times where you didn’t have time to run away so you just have to push wonbin away and lie about his hands being sweaty.

you were getting more creative with the lies.

“today we should go for frozen yogurt.” wonbin speaks while swinging your arms together.

“ooh i’ve been wanting ice cream.”

“I said frozen yogurt…“

“oh my god what is that?”

“what’s what?”

“I think I just saw a huge rat run that way, we’ll just have to take the stairs.”

“a rat?”

“yeah it was huge, come on. this way.” you try to hurry and pull him away but he isn’t budging. still searching for the rat that you claimed to have seen.

“where?”

there wasn’t a rat, it was just sohee. walking towards you with a bright teeth showing smile and glistening eyes. like he always does.

“Hey guys.”

“Sohee~” you drag out his name, as he approaches you and wonbin. By now you’d given up on trying to break physical contact with Wonbin. He shifted his hand from yours to wrapping his arm around your waist, and rested his chin right on your shoulder.

“Have you seen Shotaro?”

“No. I don’t think so.”

“Oh, He’s looking for you. By the way, how did you do in the history term?’

“I aced it.” you giggle excitedly.

“That’s my girl.” You blush when wonbin kisses your cheek as a reward.

“What about you?” Judging by his face you can tell that he didn’t do too well but you still wait for his answer giving him the benefit of the doubt.

“I think it’s time for me to find a new life path.” he trails off closer to the end.

“Oh come on it couldn’t have been that bad.” you say hopefully

“The professor told me to start looking for a new life path.”

“Oh…” both you and wonbin say at the same time.

“I’m thinking about maybe just starting my own bakery.”

“I didn’t know you baked?” wonbin adds

“I don’t, but I mean how hard could it be?” He finishes with a shrug of his shoulders

“You’ve burnt french fries in the microwave.” You remind him.

“I thought the tin foil would make it heat up faster.'' Sohee defends himself, but he really doesn't need to. You were there when Karina told him that putting foil in the microwave would save 99% of his time. And did he believe her? Well, yes. Yes he did.

“yea…” you start but you don’t really have anything to say. Sohee wasn't the brightest but he was adorable and he had a good heart.

“Anyways, I’m going to join the rest of the crew in the food court. You guys coming?” He asks

“Yeah, we’ll be there soon.” You answer.

“Kk bye.” he says while walking past you towards the food court.

—--

“Have you guys seen Y/N?” shotaro asks while sitting down at the table with his tray of food in his hands.

“I haven’t seen her all day, I don’t think.” Giselle answers while picking up her phone to see if you responded to the message she sent you earlier.

“Neither have I.” Ningning confirms while looking around the area.

“Did she come today?” karina ask

“I hope so, I asked her something a while ago and i’m waiting for her to give me an answer?” shotaro admits. His statement makes all the girls look at eachother, trying to come up with a way to cover for you without looking suspicious. Luckily just in the nick of time sohee walks over to the table with seunghan.

“Sohee, Have you seen Y/N?” Winter asks before he could even take a seat.

“Uh yeah she was with wonbin.” Sohee says without a second thought.

“Those two have been real close lately.” seunghan adds

Ningning, karina and winter all exchange looks while Giselle looks to shotaro to make sure he doesn’t pick up on what’s going on. “They’re not as close as you’d think.” she defends you

“Yeah, are you sure they were together?” Ningning questions, even though she knew the answer.

“Yeah. positive. I told her that shotaro was looking for her, and wonbin had his arm around her which I thought was weird but maybe- OW.’ sohee stops when Karina kicks him under the table.

“Are you really sure it was Y/n?”

“I’m very sure.” he says while looking around the table to find everyone giving him unbelieving stares. “Guys, come on, I know Y/n when I see her, I’m not stupid.” he looked around once again hoping that maybe someone would believe him but instead the table just burst into a collective laugh.

“Says the one who mixed bleach with ammonia and layed on the floor for five hours because you thought you were dead.” ningning giggles

“Says the one who thought Antarctica and amnesia were the same thing.” Giselle adds.

“Says the one who microwaved their fork and killed our microwave for the fifth time.” Seunghan comes in.

“What is it with you and microwaves?” Winter questions and causes the table to erupt in laughter again.

“Okay so I’m not mr einstein.”

“Far from it.” Suenghan says under his breath

“Like galaxies away from it.” winter mocks

“Oh come on? You guys have made mistakes too.”

“Yes, but none of us have put toothpaste on a cracked phone because a random youtuber told us to.” Winter responds

“I just know your guardian angels are stressed.” Karina laughs.

“Should I just call her?” shotaro speaks up and the whole table goes silent. The girls are trying to figure out what to say to keep him from stressing out too much over you, and sohee is still trying to think of a comeback that won’t get him clowned again.

“Yeah, or maybe just text her. She might be busy right now.”

You don’t know if “busy” was the word you’d use to describe what it was you were doing with wonbin in the janitor's closet, but you could definitely say you were too occupied to answer any phone calls, including one’s from Shotaro.

“Yeah, I’ll just text her.” he agrees lowly while pulling out his phone and shooting you a text. You heard your phone vibrate but you simply ignored it as wonbin continued to kiss you, pushing you further against the wall knocking down the brooms and mops beside you.

After missing 20 minutes of your next class you finally get time to read the messages on your phone. Which makes your heart drop, you wonder if you’re ever going to get to a point in your relationship where you don’t feel guilty for being with wonbin.

Taro:) : Are you busy?

Taro:) : Can we talk?

You don’t even know how to answer him when you’re right beside wonbin. Who’s watching you read the messages with a frowned expression written all over your face.

“What’s wrong?” he asks while reading the text on your screen.

“Nothing.” you mumble while clicking your phone off and placing it in your back pocket. “I just have to hurry and get to my next class. I’m not usually this late.”

“What does he wanna talk about?” wonbin asks, not giving you the chance to escape the topic.

“I don’t know. It’s probably an assignment or something.”

“Assignments don’t usually make you this upset.”

“I’m not upset.” you shout just a little, enough to startle the both of you.

“I’m not too convinced.”

“There’s nothing wrong, I just have to go before I’m even more late than I already am.”

“Okay then let me walk you there,”

“I’m fine going by myself.” while walking away, your steps come out more like stomps as you get away from him. You didn’t mean to take your frustration out on him, you just needed time to yourself to think. There was only a matter of time before Shotaro asked for your answer, and you just didn't know what you were going to tell him.

You just didn’t expect that time to be now, as you run tight into shotaro not too far from where you left Wonbin.

“Hey? You’re here.”

“Yeah, Sorry I’m really late for class.” you rush, trying to avoid eye contact with him.

“Can we talk on the way?” He stops you so you can’t rush off again. He’s looking at you like he really needs to talk but you don’t know how to say “No.” Already knowing exactly what it is he wanted to talk about. “We’ll have to talk after class, I’m already super late. I’m sorry.” You slowly run holding up your hands together as a way to say sorry.

You think you’ll find peace in your history lecture. Maybe learning about events that were completely irrelevant to you will make you forget about the web of lies that you’ve wrapped yourself into. However your thoughts are going a mile a minute, trying to think about how you’re going to approach Shotaro after class.

Anxiously tapping your pencil at your notebook, watching the numbers increase each time the minute changes and changing focus from the lecture to the small black notebook peeking out from under your other notebooks.

You’re trying to avoid its non-existent gaze on you, but it’s basically screaming “read me, read me.” so you obey. Slowly reaching to pick up the book and unlatch the hook. Going to read the very first page.

Being with you is like listening to the waves crash upon the shore's surface at night. Peaceful and calming, but I never know when the waves are going to crash too close. Serenity and excitement, you're like the different shades of green. like spring rain and winter snow, you're the beautiful parts of life that no one would ever want to live without.

Well that wasn’t a good idea, you think to yourself as you're now on the verge of tears in the middle of class. Yet it still doesn’t stop you from reading more confessions from the book. Turning pages as the seconds went by with more and more tears streaming down your cheek.

You find again that Ningning was right, not that you really needed any more convincing. But now it’s just too obvious, there’s no one else for you other than Park Wonbin and with that your mind's made up. Once you see Shotaro again, you’re just gonna be completely honest with him. No more lying, no more hiding and no more leading him on. You’re just going to tell him everything.

“Yeah sure you can come over tonight.” You smile at Shotaro.

Well that wasn’t the plan. It seemed so much easier when you were only thinking about it, but seeing his face light up when you called his name, and the excitement that lingered in his voice when he asked to come over got the best of you. That feeling of shame teasing at you once again.

So now here you are, alone in your apartment with shotaro. It’s funny to think that you were just here in this same place with wonbin the night prior. Actually funny isn’t the word you’d use to describe it, maybe more like nauseating. The way he’s looking at you, the way you wish it were your boyfriend here filling his place instead. The way you feel the words sit heavy on your tongue but you just can’t seem to say them aloud.

“I’m dating Wonbin.” you think to yourself over and over again. If you think about it long enough you’ll just say it eventually. But you don’t, it never comes out. In fact nothing really comes out. The room is filled with awkwardness, you feel it and shotaro does too. The kind of awkwardness that you’ve never felt with shotaro before and you don’t know how that makes you feel.

Well you know it doesn’t feel good, that’s for sure. You never wanted your relationship with wonbin to change your relationship with the rest of your friends and especially not Shotaro. But things happen, and it’s funny how they do. Because Shotaro was here first, you had a crush on him for the longest time, when did it change from you and Shotaro to you and wonbin.

“You missed it, everyone was making fun of Sohee and microwaves today.” Shotaro speaks up trying to cover the weird silence, but you don’t help when you only laugh lightly.

“Do you remember when he thought he had superpowers and could see at night.”

“And he fell down the stairs.” you finish his sentence off. “Yeah that was so funny. He’s so funny.”

It’s not as quiet anymore but god is it still really awkward. You know all of this could be solved if one of you addresses the elephant in the room, and you hoped it would be him because you just didn’t have the balls to do it.

“So…”

“Yeah.” you hurriedly speak, assuming what he’s going to say.

“There’s an art exhibit tomorrow happening near the school.” You can’t help the way your heart drops when he begins to talk. “I already got 2 tickets, hoping that maybe we could go together.”

“Fuck.” you think. That’s definitely not what you were expecting him to say, and now you’re trying your best to control your facial expression. This should’ve been the time for you to come clean, for you to just lay it all out. But you’re a coward, so instead you give him a small smile and agree to go on yet another date with him.

Was this cheating? You’re not sure but it’s definitely debatable. Going on a date with a friend that you knew was very into you while you had a boyfriend. But does it count if he wasn’t supposed to be your boyfriend in the first place?

It was wrong, that’s for sure. But to be honest, when have you done anything right? You see the way he leaves your apartment with a hopeful expression. Knowing that he’s gonna go back to his place and think about you.

And that’s the very thought that keeps you up all night.

“You look like shit.” Ningning says as she approaches you. She was right, you had bags under your eyes, you’d thrown on a random t-shirt and you didn’t even bother to fix your hair this morning.

“Thanks.”

“Sorry, I mean. Ooh you look like shit, what happened?” she says in a gentler, more sincere tone this time.

“I just couldn’t sleep last night.”

“Damn, ya’ll went all night?” she whispers this time.

“What? No. I just couldn’t sleep.” you choose to leave out all the details as to why you were up most of the night.

“Are you going through withdrawals?”

“Withdrawals?”

“You know…” she motions her arms into a humping motion “withdrawals.”

“Why is everything about sex with you?”

“I don’t know actually?” she turns her head to the side as she actually begins to think about your question.

“Anyways, what are you doing later today?”

“Shotaro and I are going to see the art exhibit?”

“You and Shotaro?” she asks with one eyebrow cocked up.

“Like a date?” she continues.

“I think that’s what he thinks.” you sigh.

“So, you still haven’t told him yet?”

“I just can’t find the right words.” your lips go into a pout.

“I’m. Fucking. Wonbin. Three words.” she says putting an emphasis on the first three words.

“It’s not that easy?” you throw your hands up.

“Okay so how are you going to tell wonbin?” she asks, referring to your date with Shotaro.

“Tell me what?” wonbin walks up behind you casually wrapping his arms around your waist and greeting your cheek with a kiss.

“Tell you about how much she loves you” Ningning gleams.

“That I have a date with Shotaro.” You state bluntly.

“A date?” he asks, pulling himself away from you.

“Well he thinks it's a date.” you add before he could get too upset.

“And I think it’s my time to go.” ningning says, pointing her thumb in another direction before sneaking off.

“Why does he think that?” Wonbin asks, and you could see that he was very obviously getting irritated.

You take your time to answer him, not knowing exactly how to put it.

“I haven’t told him… about us.. Yet.” you drag out, while playing with the hem of your shirt, and avoiding eye contact.

“And why not?”

“Well he asked me to be his girlfriend.” you admit looking to the side.

“And?”

“I still haven’t given him an answer?” you spill out yet another confession.

“Do you like him?”

“Not anymore.” you look up gaging his expression.

“Not anymore?”

“Well, to be honest. Shotaro had asked me to be his girlfriend, and he told me to think about it. And when I thought about it I figured that I should just be with him, because I didn’t think that you really cared about me so I went to text him but I accidentally texted you and now we're dating.”

“Wait, what?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen. But I don’t like shotaro like that. I love you, it’s been you for a long time.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I’m really sorry wonbin, please understand.” you plead, reaching for his hand but he’s quick to snatch it away.

“Have fun with Shotaro, Y/N,” is all he says before he walks away.

Great, you looked and now you felt like shit. You really didn’t mean for any of this to happen, and now you don’t know what you’re gonna do. You also don’t know why it took this for you to realize just how much you really loved wonbin. Because seeing him pull his hand away from you and the pain in his eyes was enough to knock the wind right out of your lungs.

You’re walking with Shotaro through the exhibit seeing art that’d usually have you in awe, but at the moment you just don’t have enough energy to really care about the beautiful pieces in front of you. Just small hums here and there when shotaro expresses how interesting he thinks everything is. It only takes a few bland answers for him to finally stop you and ask what’s wrong.

“You seem down? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah…”

“What’s wrong?”

Before you thought of Shotaro as a lover, he was your friend. You used to feel comfortable telling him anything, and you missed that. Really because right now, you could use your friend.

“Wonbin broke up with me.” you let out, and he pauses before he says anything.

“What do you mean?”

“I haven’t been completely honest with you.” you say

“Okay?”

You wanna tell him everything, but you don’t know where to start. So, you start at the beginning. You tell him that the both of you have been seeing each other for months, you explain everything that happened after the festival, and you tell him about the contact slip up.

“Umm, wow.”

“I’m sorry I should’ve told you all of this sooner, I just didn’t wanna ruin anything.”

“So you like, really like Wonbin?”

“I do yeah.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Huh?”

“Go get him, go.” He rushes you off. And you listen to him, heading towards the exit with your phone in your hand, and Wonbin’s contact on your screen. You tried calling him a few times but it went directly to voicemail each time.

When calling doesn’t work you decide to just show up in front of his apartment. You had a game plan on the way there but everything went out of the window when you were standing there face to face with his door. You hold your hand up to knock but you don’t, instead you just keep your hand up contemplating if this is a good idea or not. After a few seconds you tap the door a few times with your knuckles and wait to see if he’ll answer the door.

When he doesn’t you knock again, and gasp when he opens the door on the second knock.

“What?” Is the single word that leaves his mouth when sees you.

“I told Shotaro about us,” You say quietly, hoping that it would be enough for him to forgive you.

“Us?” He questions, and that’s when you audibly hear your heart drop and shatter. Tears are threatening to fall and your hands begin tugging at your clothes.

“Please don’t do this Wonbin.” you cry.

“I’m only correcting the mistake you made.” He speaks bluntly showing no reaction to your tears.

“I already told you that I only want you. I only agreed to date him because I thought my feelings for you weren’t reciprocated.” you explain.

“How do you expect me to feel knowing that you never had intentions to be with me, knowing that you were going to choose him instead?”

“You can’t blame me for having my doubts,when before we got together you were flirting with every girl on the campus.”

“Only to get a reaction out of you.” he confesses

“Why would you do that?”

Wonbin had a horrible way of communicating, so rather than just telling you that he really wanted to be with you, he talked and entertained random innocent girls where he knew you could see him. Thinking that if you got upset you’d do something about it. Plus he loved seeing you get all mad and possessive over him.

“I don’t know, I just wanted to know how you felt.”

“I love you wonbin, god I really fucking love you. If you’re ever wondering how I feel just ask me. I hate seeing you with someone else-” You stop for a moment when you notice how he’s looking at you. His expression is very different from the one he had when he opened the door a few moments ago.

It’s softer now, he’s watching you like he can read the words that leave your lips. It's similar to the look he usually gives you when he's listening to you talk about something you care about, but this one is more intense.

“It makes me wanna rip my heart out of my chest.” you finish.

He’s not saying anything, and it scares you. Part of you wants to read his mind, find out what he’s thinking. And the rest of you? Well, you want to disappear.

“Please say something.” you almost whisper, feeling the urge to cry again after your first set of tears begin to dry.

Instead of saying anything he gradually gets closer to you while maintaining eye contact, and it has your heart racing because he still isn’t saying anything. The only time your heart calms is when he gently places his lips on yours and pulls you into his apartment by your waist.

This kiss feels different than all the other kisses you’ve shared, this time you didn’t feel like you were doing anything wrong, it was romantic and honest. Filled with passion and pure love, the kiss feels like the kisses described only in fairy tales.

“Does this mean you forgive me?” you ask when you break the kiss, smiling at his pink soft and swollen lips.

“I forgave you the second you knocked on the door.”

180 notes · View notes

heliads · 7 months

Note

Hey! I love your writing sm

could you pls do an f1 soulmate au with charles x carlos?

maybe whatever a person writes on themselves shows up on their soulmate so they write each other cute 'good luck' notes or jokes before races and maybe they realize they're soulmates when one of them gets a podium and the other person sees their drawings :)

i understand that you wanted this to be cute. however have you considered that they could be insane instead. have you considered that there could be mind games, bestie. think about the mental warfare (i am)

masterlist

Carlos Sainz believes that his secrets come out the fastest when he’s drinking. Doesn’t even have to be alcohol, his favorite ruiner of silence– he’s let out contract details and personal opinions just as freely with isotonic water after a race as with a shot someone hands him two hours into a post-race celebration. It’s easy to let your guard down when you think you’re with a friend, when the stakes don’t seem high, when he knows better but doesn’t want to admit it.

That’s why he feels a rippling wave of panic when he sees Charles walking across the Ferrari hospitality, two cups of coffee in his hands. Charles sits down at an empty table for two, places one cup in front of himself and one at the empty chair, and looks pointedly at Carlos. Carlos thinks to himself, this can’t be good, and mentally reminds himself to book an appointment with PR sooner rather than later.

He takes the seat. Some things, you can’t fight. Charles still smiles anyway, pleased, and says, “I got you coffee.”

Carlos had noticed this, surprisingly. It was difficult to ignore. “You’re being nice,” he remarks, blowing into the hole on the lid to cool down the liquid inside.

“I am nice,” Charles protests. His accent comes out more when he’s unhappy, it makes the syllables bunch up together like pleats of fabric.

Carlos arches a brow, and takes a sip of his coffee instead of answering. Scuderia Ferrari loves to claim that they adore the art of coffee just as much as their mother country, but every time Carlos gets coffee from hospitality it’s either flavorless or burnt, depending on who serves it. Charles’ attempt isn’t terrible, but he doubts Charles did anything more to prepare it than just put in an order. It’s a nice gesture, though. Just like Charles said.

When he looks up and the steam properly clears from his vision, Charles is still pouting at him. Carlos shakes his head, smiling to himself. He makes it so easy sometimes, to mess with his head. It’s kind of fun. Poker, but with a far prettier deck of cards.

“Alright, fine,” he relents, grinning so Charles knows he’s in on the joke, “I’m just teasing. No need to get mad, cabrón.”

“I’m not mad,” Charles says, a hint of a smile on his face although he stubbornly tries to shake it, “just interested in defending my honor.”

“Your honor?” Carlos asks, laughing in earnest. “So lord-esque, that is what I have been telling you. Of course Lord Perceval would defend his honor.”

Charles rolls his eyes. “You can deal with my honor, mate. I got you coffee.”

“And I am grateful for it every time you bring it up,” Carlos says, and takes a sip to prove it.

Charles does the same, but his eyes remain on Carlos the whole time. “So? Is it true what they’re saying?”

Carlos wants more than coffee for a conversation that starts out like this. “Who’s saying what?”

Charles gestures vaguely towards his phone. “Everybody. They say you’re going to leave Ferrari when your contract expires.”

Ah. That. “People love rumors,” he says absentmindedly, “I never thought you’d pay attention to them.”

“I don’t usually, but I was interested in this one,” Charles admits. “You’d tell me if you were leaving, right?”

“I’m not leaving,” Carlos says.

Charles sets down his cup. “But you’d tell me, right?”

“I would,” Carlos says. Pauses. Starts again. “What’s gotten into you, man? I never took you for someone to fall for theories like this.”

Charles shakes his head a little too quickly. “I’m not. They just seemed to believe it.”

Carlos shrugs. “They believe a lot. My contract doesn’t expire until next year. They won’t worry about me for a while.”

“Should I?” Charles asks. “Worry about you, I mean.”

Carlos looks at him, really looks at him. The tense grip of his teammate’s hands around his coffee, even despite the heat still emanating through the cup. The furtive glances he keeps sneaking towards Carlos, then abruptly looking at the cup again when he gets caught.

“I’m not going,” Carlos says gently. More gently than he’d answer any interviewer, anyway.

Charles nods quickly, his head bobbing like a doll on a string. “Of course. Besides, I have too much interest for you to leave yet. Not until we figure out your, ah–” A pause. Delicate, but not at all from a polite inclination, no matter how it might seem to any outsider.

Carlos groans, exasperated. “My soulmate? My God, Charles, you have to give this up at some point.”

If it were not enough to have an overly inquisitive teammate, one that’s rather good at using his eyes and smile to get what he wanted, Carlos has been cursed with a racing partner that’s unnaturally interested in his missing other half. Carlos himself wants to figure out who his soulmate is, obviously, but at this point he thinks Charles is even more invested.

They all have soulmates. Supposedly. There’s probably at least a couple people out there who skipped that universal drawing of lots, but Carlos knows for certain that he is not one of them because his soulmate contacts him almost every day. Some people go weeks or even months without finding so much as a scribble appearing out of thin air on their skin, but Carlos blinks and there’s a new sentence on his forearm, bruising his knuckles, curling around his ankle. Whoever his soulmate is, they don’t care much for being ignored.

Neither does his teammate. Charles huffs out an exasperated breath. “If you will not be curious, I will be curious for you. You’re always so cagey about it, anyway. I know they write to you. Don’t you want to know?”

“Of course I want to know who they are,” Carlos scoffs. “What I don’t get is why you want to know. Why don’t you focus on your own other half for a change?”

Charles just leans back in his chair, grinning coolly. Ah, yes. Carlos has suspected for some time that Charles already has an idea as to who his soulmate is, but for some reason Carlos has never seen her around the paddock. It could be that Charles is just keeping their relationship private, but he doubts it. Charles likes his trophies visible and his games extensive. More likely than not, Charles has his soulmate engaged in some kind of cat-and-mouse game so they figure it out without too much help on his end. It’s hellishly manipulative, but he’s charming enough that they all let it slide.

Even Carlos, although he at least tries to put up a fight. Sometimes, he thinks Charles is amusingly aware of that, and doubles down on his efforts to get Carlos to cave until both of them are locked in some sort of affectionate stalemate.

“You shouldn’t worry so much,” Charles hums, pleased that he’s got the other hand. “I mean,” he says, leaning forward abruptly to seize Carlos’ hand in his own, “Don’t you want to know about yours? Aren’t you curious?”

Whoever sat at their table before them left a Sharpie behind by accident; Charles picks it up now, uncapping it with the same hand without letting go of Carlos. “You could just ask them right now, who they are,” Charles muses. The tip of the Sharpie hovers millimeters above the curve of Carlos’ palm, waiting.

Carlos stares at the black ink. It’s easier to focus on the skin when he mumbles, “They wouldn’t answer.”

You’re not supposed to. Unspoken rules. He’s never liked that sort of thing, and neither has Charles, who knows this and smiles unkindly anyway. “You don’t know that.”

“Don’t I?” Carlos asks, mostly to himself. Charles doesn’t appear to hear him. The Sharpie dips lower until it touches Carlos’ skin. Immediately, the black ink flowers into his palm. Carlos waits for Charles to keep writing, to scrawl a question like who are you or can I fly you to a Grand Prix paddock, asap but instead Charles flinches, slams the palm of his own hand down towards the table, and covers up the pen again.

“Maybe you should do it yourself,” Charles mutters by way of explanation.

“Maybe,” Carlos says. He’s not sure if he’s agreeing or not. It would be easier, he thinks, to have Charles take the wheel again. It would also hurt more. Carlos caps the pen when it becomes obvious that Charles will not. “Drink your coffee,” he says. “It’ll get cold.”

Charles does as told, which is sort of surprising. Usually, he likes pushing the envelope until someone tells him to quit it. It appears to Carlos, though, that they have reached an unspoken limit, a line drawn out in black Sharpie on tanned skin that will not be crossed again.

A few minutes pass. They’re both quiet. Charles whispers into the condensation of his cup, “You’re not leaving, though, right?”

Carlos smiles. “I’m not.” Contracts change, obviously, but he’ll try to fight it. They all try.

They leave not long afterwards, race week means that they don’t have a lot of time to sit around. There’s always something to be filmed for media duties, an interview to conduct, checks to run through with engineers. Still, Carlos is somehow calmer than he was before, even despite the additional caffeine.

Charles, by contrast, seems jumpier than usual as they head towards the exit.

“Did you enjoy your coffee?” Carlos asks pointedly.

Charles glances quickly over both shoulders, then groans when he’s sure that no one can overhear him. “No, God. It’s terrible.”

Carlos chuckles. “But you went to so much trouble to get it. Surely you can pretend it’s more than just terrible. You drank, like, all of it.”

Charles gives him an appraising look. “It’s better with someone else.”

It occurs to Carlos, as he walks back to his driver’s room, that they may not just have been talking about coffee after all. He’s stopped by one of his PR advisors on the way back– apparently there’s a new TikTok trend that would be just great for him to do– and although he doesn’t feel that shaken, he must look it, because they only get halfway through a discussion of trending sounds before the agent asks if everything is alright.

Carlos scoffs. “Of course I’m alright.”

The agent arches a brow. “Are you sure? You look a little unsettled. Don’t tell me you were talking to George about track times again, he has that effect on everyone before qualis.”

Carlos shakes his head. “No, I didn’t see him. I was speaking with Charles, though, about nothing in particular. Just coffee and soulmates and stuff.” Unable to stop himself, he leans a little closer, drops his voice until it’s more of a whisper. “He’s found his soulmate, hasn’t he? She’s got to be around here somewhere.”

His PR agent, surprisingly, shakes their head. “No, he’s said nothing about it to us, and we’ve asked loads of times. Are you certain that they’re a she, though? That wasn’t the impression I got.”

Carlos stands utterly still. He thinks his blood may have cooled in his veins, congealing into a solid. He is not sure he could move if he tried. “Charles told you that?”

“Once,” the agent says offhandedly. “He got sick of us asking about his mystery woman. I don’t think he meant to let it slip, but you know how he is with secrets.”

They’re laughing at that. Carlos tries to chuckle along with him, but he can’t really do more than nod, because now he’s thinking about Charles’ soulmate being a man. It’s the driver in him, he supposes, the dreamer, that if he can imagine any scenario he would also imagine himself in it, and so it follows that now Carlos cannot stop thinking about the man on the other side of Charles’ heart being him, being Carlos. The picture fits a little too well.

Carlos had never pictured his soulmate and thought of a man, but sometimes he’ll be up on the podium with Charles, champagne high and bright in the air, and he thinks maybe– maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing, not having a girl like that. He already knows what it’s like, anyway, to be at the top of the world and have another man standing there with him. If God did not intend for us to be with someone of the same sex, then why would He make it feel so natural?

Carlos somehow manages to end the conversation, to slip back into the relative safety of his driver’s room and lean his entire body weight against the door. He stares up at the ceiling, hands fisting the red fabric of his Ferrari jacket at his sides, and he lets himself, for the first time, wonder if his soulmate might not be a man as well. Anything Charles can do, Carlos can too, or so the commentators have started to say. Anyone Charles could love, Carlos could too. Anything his would be theirs.

It is a risky thought. Pessimists will tell you that soulmates are good for nothing but getting your hopes up. Carlos does not know who his soulmate is nor, odds are, will he ever. It does no good to think about what he wants until he already has it.

Later that day, Carlos tells his soulmate in non-descript block letters, All things must end. He caps the pen and covers his hand for the rest of the day. He sees Charles some hours later, looking pale and frightened. Carlos cannot, will not, imagine why.

He tries to push it from his mind. They are not hiding in Ferrari hospitality for the thrill of it, after all, but to prepare for the race ahead. Qualifying comes and goes, nothing to write home about but at least they should be decently in the points. One of them might be able to make it to a podium if they can give Lando Norris the slip. The best case scenario is that Checo will bin it so they could get a 1-2, but who knows if they’ll have any semblance of luck today.

Carlos qualified one position ahead of Charles. Fred Vasseur is already starting to eye him like a lamb to the slaughter, and Carlos makes a mental reminder to continually ask his engineer for Charles’ times during the race. He has a feeling that team orders might be given.

Strangely enough, it doesn’t make Carlos angry towards Charles as much as he thinks it should. He is irritated by Ferrari, of course, for picking one driver over another, but that’s expected in any given scenario in which the cars are swapped. Usually, though, that sort of thing happens enough times that you start directing your ire towards the other driver, but Carlos cannot manage that. In fact, he never has. Hating Charles is unthinkable. It would be easier to hate himself. Right?

Getting ready in his driver’s room before the race that Sunday, Carlos is struck by a sudden, unthinkable idea. He rummages around in his belongings for a while before coming up with a pen. Dark, thick, the kind you use for autographs when the hapless fan forgets to bring a writing implement of their own. Carlos uncaps it, stares at his skin, then starts to scribble. Words, underlined, circled. Do well. Good luck. Please.

He doesn’t know if– but he could, maybe, if he saw. Carlos loses himself in a frenzy, then snaps out of it just as quickly when his palms get covered in writing. The sound of footsteps outside his door makes him flinch, and he tugs on his gloves as fast as he can, smearing the ink even more than before. It doesn’t matter. Odds are nothing will come of this anyway.

The race goes as expected. Checo does not crash, much to the chagrin of all other teams, and Carlos gets stuck behind him long enough that they start talking about switching him with Charles, which happens around lap forty. When the checkered flag waves, Charles is third, Carlos fourth. He parks quickly and hurries over to the front. By the time he gets there, Charles has already withdrawn inside the cooldown room but Carlos can shoulder in with the other Ferrari crew and shout and slap each other on the back and that’s good, too, it really is.

He will tell himself that it is. Carlos, by now, has gone to a lot of teams and learned about a lot of strategy choices. He knows how to convince himself that something is fine, that the decisions of the team are ones he agrees with. He can idle with the crew and stare up at the podium with a fixed smile on his face, because Carlos is a Good Teammate and Good Teammates show up for each other. They accept team orders when they come their way. They do not stand in the shade of someone else’s idol and think, this isn’t fair.

Of course it isn’t fair, it’s motorsport. Charles is the one they love the most, even when he’s erratic and crashes every other race. Charles is the pretty boy, the golden one, Il Predestinato. Carlos is merely his father’ son.

Charles, who figured out the whole game of soulmates months before. He guessed, at least. Told that to Carlos one night, grinning, drunk, spiraling after another lost podium. Charles had waited with wide eyes and a frozen smile as if waiting for Carlos to put something together, but the other shoe never dropped and eventually the moment ended, both of them pulled apart by other friends, downing other drinks, pretending they never existed.

Carlos thinks of it now. He watches Charles emerge from the shadows of the space behind the podium to stand in the blinding sunlight, waving down at all of them. One of the mechanics is elbowing him in the side, speaking in that low voice they all get when they do the boy’s club talk, you know, someone’s soulmate likes him well enough, obviously, and Carlos has no idea what he’s talking about until he looks up and sees. Sees Charles, his palms dark with ink. From up here, it’s too small to see what is written. The Catholic boy in him thinks stigmata which is wrong, obviously, because there is no great divine mystery here, not when Carlos knows what happened.

Not when Carlos was the one to write all of it earlier that day. He’d almost forgotten during the course of the race, but it all comes flooding back now. That’s his ink on Charles’ hands, and that means– That means Charles is his soulmate. Always has been. Always will be.

Carlos stares up at him. Charles looks down, and although he’s been grinning with victory this whole time, the smile that slides onto his face upon seeing his teammate is different than before, it’s knowing. Charles knows that Carlos has figured it out at last. He’s been waiting for him to do it all this time.

It’s almost obscene, how close Charles must have come to telling him about a thousand times. Who would risk it like that? No one. Charles would. Carlos pictures him with the Sharpie earlier that week, black tip poised above his skin. How he’d caught himself before giving himself up. Perfect timing, a driver’s reflexes. Like managing to right yourself right before sending your car into the wall. Or, better, like doing it anyway. Like accelerating before you go. Like leaving your hands on the wheel so your wrists can break, too, not just your heart.

Yes, Charles would. Charles Leclerc would. Charles, so impatient for his first championship that he’d give up his current chance by overshooting every corner, by doing too much until he ends up in the wall time and time again. This is the man who would expose his soulmate like a throat to a knife, and Carlos has known this about him for years.

The Ferrari section of the paddock is insane after getting a podium, so no one notices when Carlos fights his way through the crowds to let himself into Charles’ driver’s room. It’s empty when he arrives, Charles must have many more people to get through, so he paces relentlessly back and forth until Charles shows up.

Charles bursts through the door, still talking to someone down the hall. His exuberance crashes to a halt the second he sees Carlos waiting, and he hurriedly tells whoever is there not to wait up. Charles carefully closes the door behind him, locks it too, and then it’s just the two of them and this great and all encompassing secret for company.

Charles swallows. “You know.”

Of course he does. Friends show up at each other’s driver’s rooms all the time, but this isn’t just on the order of congratulations for a good race result. They would not be hovering on the edge of this great precipice if it was just that.

“You knew earlier,” Carlos challenges.

Charles ducks his head in a nod. “I did.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” Carlos asks.

Charles’ gaze is shifty, it flicks from ceiling to floor to walls, anywhere but Carlos himself. Charles has always been a daredevil for the risks, but he’s never had the stomach for what becomes of them. The consequences are always a thousand times worse than the actions.

“I didn’t think you would want it. Want me,” he corrects, almost whispering.

This is so absurd that Carlos almost wants to laugh. Almost, because the look on Charles’ face is so pitiful that he can’t even smile. “Why wouldn’t I?” Carlos asks.

Charles blinks in surprise. “Because you were never even that interested in finding out who your soulmate was, mate. Always said it would just be some girl you didn’t know. I didn’t want to see your face when you realized you didn’t even get some girl but me.”

“I didn’t want to look too much into my soulmate because I was afraid it wouldn’t be you,” Carlos says in a rush, and as he admits it he knows it’s true.

How could it be anything but that? Carlos could have picked any team, but he went here. A hardheaded (formerly red) bull chasing not just the scarlet flag but the matador himself. Charles, all along.

Charles’ eyes are wide, lashes darker even than the ink still staining his palms. “So you’re not mad, then?” He asks cautiously.

“Not mad and not leaving,” Carlos reiterates.

A ghost of a smile flickers over Charles’ lips. “You cannot blame me for wanting to be sure, I didn’t want you to go until I managed to tell you.”

“You certainly took your time about it,” Carlos comments.

Charles rolls his eyes. “Just because we are racers does not mean we have to do everything fast, Carlos. Be patient.”

Carlos arches a brow. “You are telling me that?”

Charles has the grace to look at least a little ashamed. “Yes. Well. I can be patient now.”

Of course he can. They both can. Most people spend their entire lives searching for the answer to a question that is no longer a mystery to either of them. Time is all they have, time and sweet-sticky champagne and the sensation of being at the top of the world. Nothing will change them. Everything will. For once, though, the change does not scare him. It’s not bad, all of the time.

Sometimes, it brings him Charles. Sometimes, it brings him this. No, not bad in the slightest.

f1 tag list: @j-brielmalfoy, @juphey

also: @quill-of-a-sparrow

all tags list: @wordsarelife

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7077070707 · 9 months

Text

best friend

feat — gojo satoru

contents & warnings — not proofread because im fucking lazy, mutual pining, friends to lovers, suggestive content, gojo being a dork as per usual

a/n — guys i’m sorry for writing ANOTHER gojo fic but he’s just so fun to write. this is slowly turning into a gojo blog (i hate him). ALSO, im actually a dc girl so i’m with my pookie on this one,,, but like at the same time i might prefer starwars… it’s hard out here, they’re both so peak. um!!! as you can tell i’m oddly passionate about all this comic and movie shit from my stupid rambling so im just gonna stop!!!

you and your best friend satoru trek indoors, both sweaty and fatigued from the blazing summer heat. you’re still finishing off the popsicle that gojo generously bought for you from the convenience store, for the whopping price of ¥180 (a true gentleman, he is). he claimed to be donating to charity, with you being a charity case – so in response you simply kicked him in the back of his knees which resulted him folding like a foldable chair.

gojo was mindlessly chewing on the remains of his popsicle – that being the stick – and shoves his hands into his pockets. you were both passionately arguing over which franchise was better, and it was quickly becoming more and more heated.

“dc is soo much better than marvel! what are you talking about?” he whines, pulling his hands out of his pockets and positioning them in a questioning, exasperated manner for the sake of exaggeration and his strong opinion.

“no! no! no! marvel is cooler, and the movies are top tier. are dc movies as successful as marvel movies? no, i don’t think so.” you defend yourself, pointing an accusatory finger at gojo with some swagger.

“well yeah, marvel movies are generally better but we’re talking about EVERYTHING, and everyone knows dc comics are superior. ‘cause, you know, the storylines are deeper and over all more interesting. and have you seen some of the art? arkham asylum’s art is insane! ALSO, CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW ICONIC BATMAN IS?”

“i could say the same about spiderman. and iron man–”

he cuts you off, “okay then, joker too!”

“shut up! alright, fine… one point to marvel for movies, and one point to dc for comics.” you announce, albeit begrudgingly.

“hold on, y/n.” leaning forward and wagging his finger stupidly, “there’s still more to it! what about games? or merch? lego adaptations? or even cartoons! maybe we could even add star wars to the mi–”

“enough! it’s too hot for this, satoru! we can settle this later, and maybe even bring suguru as well, to defend his case for star wars.”

a flash of disappointment shines upon his face at the mention of suguru, but maybe you were just seeing things. could it be that he was possibly saddened at the thought of his close friend being here? but why? maybe it’s because he wants to be alone with yo–

‘no, shut up y/n!’ you think to yourself, ‘that’s obviously not the case…’ a small, sad after thought. you blame it on the lingering crush you had on your bestfriend and inwardly sigh.

after the disappointed face that you claimed to notice, he flashes you a dopey grin and leans back. “alright, fine! you’re on! and damn, it is getting hot. i mean, even hotter. hotter than it was before, like previously–” he stops, “am i.. am i rambling?”

“well, no. i mean, er– yes, yes you are. but it’s–” you giggle, “it’s cool, satoru. don’t sweat it!” your chest suddenly fills with a warmth, a different kind of warmth to the one the surface of your skin was feeling.

he recovers and starts, “well, anyway…” he then abruptly takes his shirt off and throws it over his shoulder, his chiselled torso being revealed to you which raises heat to your face.

inside, you're panicking, ‘ohmygod.. what is happening? why is he stripping? huuuh..?’

he retrieves a wet rag and drags it across his body, creating wet droplets on his skin which was way more erotic than it should’ve been. the cool rag relieves him of the uncomfortable heat and he groans lowly, tilting his head up.

at the sound, you flush an even deeper red and panic even more, ‘oh my god! why? why is he so casual about this? i mean, how would he feel if i were to suddenly strip and wash myself with a wet towel? and make erotic noises as well! or am i making this an even bigger deal than it is? curse me and my brain…’

you stare shamefully at him, averting your eyes every now and then as an attempt to protect your wavering dignity.

he catches your eye, and a shit eating grin presents itself on his face, “y/n? you alriiight? why is your face so red?” he teases, elongating his words and taking the piss out of you.

you position yourself into a fighting stance, and retort defensively, “what? my face isn’t red! what are you talking about?”

“why are you getting so riled up then? i’m only pulling your tail, ya know! unless you're actually flustered?” he quipped, inching closer to you.

“go to hell gojo!”

“why are you so flustered anyway?” he inquired, as if he wasn’t displaying his god-like body in front of you like a piece of exquisite art, “wait!” he lets out an exaggerated gasp, raising his hand to his mouth and you prepare yourself for the ‘shocking’ revelation his stupid little head cooked up, “you’re staring at my body! heeeey!”

you grind your teeth, about to swing your fist at him.

“i mean, i don’t blame you. girls are crazy over me.” he boasts, making you feel even more idiotic, “but hey, i’m crazy over you too!” you halt your actions and pause.

“wait… what?” you croak out.

“you best believe it, pretty!”

“you… you like me?” stunned by this unexpected declaration, “you like me, too?”

the boy smiles fondly at you, “of course. i just didn’t know how to confess… so i simply decided to do it on a whim, ya know – when my heart felt the fullest and all that cheesy crap.”

“awww. gojo, you like me! that’s so cute!”

his face gains an adorable pink flush, uncharacteristically flustered from your comment, and he sputters out, “wait what? why are the tables turning? when did the tables turn? how are the tables turning?!”

giggling behind your hands, you assured him good naturedly, “well, just so you know. i like you too.”

deadpanning at you, “i figured.”

giggling once more, you twirl towards him and place a sweet kiss on the cheek of your now ex-best friend.

(bonus)

satoru smiles at the contact, but a burning question arrises, “so wait, does this mean we’re boyfriend and girlfriend now?”

you ponder for a moment, scrunching your face — gojo copying your expression, “err yeah, i think so! is that how it works?”

“how about i take you out on a date, pretty?” he suggests, finger gunning at you and flashing his signature goofy grin.

#does anyone get the reference hehe #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #gojo #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #gojo fluff #gojo x reader fluff #friends to lovers #mutual pining #gojo pining #jjk gojo #jjk fluff

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mythicalviper-fr · 3 months

Note

hi! Thank you for making your guide, it’s been so helpful as a new skin artist. I’m still confused about how to make good festival submissions (?) I thought my submission for Rockbreaker’s Ceremony fit all the conditions you talked about but no one seemed interested in my skin. Do you have any advice on how newer artists can make a good entry?

I'm happy the guide's helped! It is less of a checklist and more on how I personally approach the contest. There are a lot of things I don’t think I described well technique-wise, so I’ve considered making step-by-step tutorials to approach each contest that would better encapsulate the win conditions I described. But for now, here’s one way you can approach a contest, particularly if you’re a new artist.

1. Pick Your Breed (and Battles)

Breed variety, as I stated in the guide, is the Number One reason I win any contest. This is where I think I should’ve gone more into why I favored the Ridgeback F base - it’s important to pick a canvas that will not impede your ability to create and more importantly, a canvas that makes you comfortable as an artist. Ridgeback F has a big wingspace that serves as a good canvas and the anatomy is easy (for me) to design on, which is why this is the canvas I default to.

Here are some of the best “starter” canvases for new artists, in my personal opinion:

Wildclaw M and F: these bases, particularly the F pose, don’t get many submissions (look at their submission rate in the Gala!) They have a standard dino anatomy that’s easy to understand and work around.

Fae M: Fae rarely get entries. The big wingspace is a great canvas, and more importantly, the M Fae canvas is pretty small compared to the others, so it’s less daunting. The shrimp posture can be a bit hard to grasp, but you can honestly just do a wingcent.

Coatl M and F: Coatl is a great base for new artists if shadows and lines are disrupting your creative process, because they don’t have as much of those. (You can also turn shadows/lines off while you’re drawing. I usually have shadows off and lineart at 30% opacity. Just remember to turn them back on when you submit!)

2. Theme Your Skin: Canonical Elements

August goes into this better in his guide, but you generally want to stick closer to canon. Think of skin contests like an art contest for a fandom. If you were submitting to, say, a Percy Jackson art contest, you’ll probably draw inspiration from Greek and Roman mythology, not Aztec or Chinese mythology. Flight Rising is the same. So, here are canonical places you can draw inspiration from:

Past festival familiars and apparel

Existing vistas, scenes, and World Map locations

Artistic interpretations of the canonical lore

If you do want to go outside of canon, my suggestion is to pick a neutral element. This means something that doesn’t have any religious/otherwise connotations, and is still related to the flight. I.e.: icy mountains for the ice flight, different types of minerals for the earth flight, different types of plants for nature. You are making an official item for the site, so work with that in mind.

3. Skin Composition: Balance

Composition is how the elements in an art piece work together. I struggle a lot with it, so I am not the best person to speak on this. What I’ve found that works for me is focusing the canvas on one big thing and putting small elements around it. That big item is usually wings, which is a great neutral component that can take on attributes of different elements. If you look at my skins, they usually follow the equation of skin = 1 big element (wings, bones, crystals) + 2 small elements (gradients, sparkles, butterflies, leaves, flowers).

[RBC 2023 = bones + crystals + rocks] [TC 2022 = wings + gradient + wispy shadow things]

4. Skin Execution: Actually Drawing the Thing

The best part of festival contests is the skill bar is quite low. I am going to contradict myself slightly by saying you do need a basic understanding of how to draw, but aside from that, contests are forgiving if you aren’t an experienced artist. I had six months of experience when I won my first contest and more recently, I was drawing with zero wrist mobility. These are some of my recent skins that were created when I could not render the way I usually do or use line weight.

[TCC 2023 & ROR 2023]

In comparison, here are skins when I could render and line weight.

[WS 2023 & GG 2023]

Importantly, all of these skins won. So that’s why, from my perspective, whether you’re an experienced artist or not, whether you know how to render or not, is not the point.

I don’t want to imply that you don’t need any skill to win a contest… it is a contest, after all. I think what I’m trying to say is: to make the best entry you can, you need to know the skills that complement YOUR art style. It isn’t necessarily the skill difference between artists that determines who wins, it’s how you use the skills you have to bring out the most in your piece.

There is no one way to making good art. And the hardest obstacle as a new artist is finding out what enhances your art style. You may not even have an art style yet, and that’s okay. That’s why it’s vital you continue exploring - which contests are great for.

Again, everything in this post is only what I have personally observed. This approach will not work for everyone, since everyone’s creative process is going to be different. But I hope this is a good bare-bones, structured, guide as to what I personally focus on – and I hope that it’s good for reference, even if the specific steps aren’t helpful for you ^^

#flightrising #flight rising #fr skins and accents #skins and accents #fr guides

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vodika-vibes · 3 months

Note

Hey Vod’ika, hope you’re having a happy new year! I was wondering if you could do a f!reader x Fordo piece(or with and alpha arc really). Reader is a special ops officer and works closely with them, and has the most devastating crush on him. The thing is reader is really depressed and has a very low opinion of herself for a lot of reasons so she doesn’t think she even has a shot. The trooper himself thinks otherwise, and all it takes for everyone’s feelings to come to light is reader accidentally finding the trooper’s sketchbook which is filled to the brim with hand drawn sketches pinups of her(I like to headcanon the clones sometimes had a natch for art because Jango had a natural hand for it) and she’s shocked and honored but has a lot of questions. Que the embarrassing confession between reader and trooper ;) sorry if this is all weirdly specific pls don’t feel pressed to get every detail if you don’t want don’t mind me I’m just feeling crazy today

The Sketchbook

Summary: You've had a crush on Fordo for ages, and you're convinced nothing will ever come of it. And then you find the sketchbook.

Pairing: ARC Captain Fordo x F!Reader

Word Count: 1373

Warnings: Reader is not in the best place mentally speaking

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni

A/N: I hope this is close to what you wanted. And I'm sorry it took so long!

You mumble under your breath as you walk through the halls of Topica City, your gaze locked on your datapad as you quickly parse through the information from one of the special ops teams.

Once upon a time, at the beginning of the war, you would have been with them, going over the information in real time, but after a serious injury left you with a prosthetic leg, you were relegated to having to analyze information from Kamino, rather than on the front lines.

No one blames you. Which is fine, you blame yourself enough for an entire squad.

You turn a corner, and let out a startled noise as you crash into something very solid. Red and white armor, and jaig eyes on the helmet hanging from his hands…whoops.

“Captain Fordo, my apologies, I didn’t see you.” You internally swear at yourself, of course you didn’t see him, you weren’t looking. Gods, you’re so dumb sometimes-

“It’s fine. I shouldn’t have been lurking around corners,” Fordo interrupts your mental train of thought, his voice quiet.

“Even so, I should have been paying more attention.” You say quickly, “I should know better than to try and read and walk at the same time-”

“Don’t worry about it, really.” Fordo interrupts you again, “It’s not like you would have been able to hurt me.” His harsh words are accompanied with a kind smile, and your heart lurches.

Now is not the time for your embarrassing crush to rear its ugly head, you think firmly to yourself. “Well, thank goodness for small mercies, right?” You say with a tiny smile, “But I’ll get out of your way, Captain.”

“Fordo,” He murmurs, “We see each other daily.” He clarifies, “You can just call me by my name.”

“I…of course.” You say, slightly awkwardly, “Fordo, then.”

He smiles again, seemingly pleased with something so simple, “I appreciate it. But I do have to go-”

“Right! Of course. I’ll get out of your way!” You step to the side, and Fordo steps past you continuing down the hall, and you sigh, as you continue your trek to your office. You’re not going to get anything else done today, that’s for sure.

After all, you never do when you get the chance to talk to Fordo.

You push your way into your office and set your datapad on your desk, before you sink into your seat and press your face into your hands.

Frankly, your crush on Fordo is humiliating. He’s literally perfect, and you’re…well you.

You push your hands through your hair, and then sit up. Fordo will never look at you the way you look at him, because you’re not good enough, and that’s fine. It’s fine.

Totally fine.

…maybe if you repeat it to yourself often enough you’ll believe it.

You focus your attention back on your datapad, and on the information that you’ve been parsing. And you slowly reach for it. At least this work will get your mind off of Fordo.

Maybe.

Several hours later, with your eyes burning with exhaustion, you finally finish for the day, and slowly make your way from your office to your suite. You walk the path blindly, exhaustion making you pay even less attention than you normally would.

Which is why you don’t see the notebook until you step on it.

You stare at it, puzzled, and then you sigh and pick it up, opening it to the first page. Surely someone wrote their name inside the book.

The notebook falls open towards a middle page and you stare, dumbly, at the image etched on the page.

It’s…you.

Page after page of you.

Images of you sitting at a table. Of you walking through the halls. Of you standing in the rain.

And every so often, there are images of you that could have only come out of the artist's imagination. Images of you clad in lingerie, images of you sprawled on the bed, you in every state of undress that you can imagine.

Your face burns with slight embarrassment as you slam the book shut, you shouldn’t have looked at those. They weren’t for your eyes. Carefully, you open to the very first page and scan for a name.

And then you nearly drop the book in surprise.

Fordo.

Fordo?

This is Fordo’s notebook?

Maybe…you should just put it back on the floor and let him find it himself. Maybe that would be better than letting him know that you saw his drawings of you.

Nervously you rub the back of your neck as you try and decide what to do.

You jump when you hear heavy footsteps behind you, and you whirl around, an excuse already on your tongue for why you’re just standing in the hallway, though the words die on your tongue when you see Fordo standing there.

His gaze drops to the book in your hands, and he shifts, slightly uncomfortably, “That’s mine.” He says quietly.

You hold it out to him, “Um, I found it. I stepped on it, I’m so sorry-”

He lightly takes the book from you, “Did you, uh…look inside?”

Your face burns, “I…yes. I was looking for a name-” You pause and your face heats a little more, “You’re a very good artist.” You offer.

“Kriff, you weren’t supposed to see those.” Fordo mutters, “Why’d it have to be this one that I dropped?”

“Um-”

“I can explain.” He says quickly, “About…about the pictures of you. And the…less than fully clothed pictures of you-”

“You don’t have to,” You take a deep breath, “I know there aren’t a lot of women here, and I’m flattered-”

“It wouldn’t matter even if there were more women here, because I’d still draw you.” Fordo interrupts. “You’re the only woman I want to draw. Ever.”

Your thought process derails completely. “...oh.”

“Look, you’re…” He pauses to gather his thoughts, “Gorgeous. Funny. Clever. And so very competent, which is unfairly attractive, so you know.” Fordo looks at you, and then he continues, “You also lost a leg and it barely slowed you down at all-”

“Fordo, you-”

“Let me finish? Please?”

You stop talking immediately, “I go out of my way to talk to you when I can, but you’re so busy all of the time, that all I can do is just put myself in your way and hope that you run into me.” Fordo continues, “And I know I’m just a clone, and I know I have millions of identical brothers, but I just want-...” He trails off with a sigh, “You. I just want you.” He pauses, “You can talk now.”

Millions of half finished thoughts spin through your mind, “You and your brothers aren’t interchangeable, Fordo.” Is the first coherent thought that slips from you, “And I’m hardly…I’m barely holding myself together most days. I’m not…any of those things that you say I am.”

“I disagree. If you could see yourself the way that I see you…” He trails off with a sigh, “Stars, you’re perfect.”

“I’m really not-”

“I want you to be mine.” Fordo says quickly, “I want to…to kiss you and hug you and make you believe me when I say nice things about you. I want to wake up every morning and see your face first thing, and I want your face to be the last thing I see before I go to bed, but I know that I don’t have anything to offer you except my affection.”

You stare at him, your lips parted in surprise, “I…don’t need anything more than that.” You finally say and his gaze snaps to yours.

Fordo scans your face for a moment, and you shift uncomfortably, “You mean it.” He finally says.

“Yeah. I mean,” You nervously twist your hair between your fingers, “I’ve had an embarrassing crush on you forever it feels like, so…yeah. I don’t want or need anything more than just your affection.”

Fordo takes a step towards you and reaches out to brush his hand against your cheek, “I can do that.”

“Would you like to have dinner with me?” You ask, your voice a whisper, “I’m not the best cook but-”

“Yes. Yes, I would.” Fordo says with a small grin, “Right now.”

#star wars #tcw #arc captain fordo x reader #fordo x reader #star wars fanfiction #x reader fanfiction #F!reader fanfiction #answered asks

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swiftgreatest · 1 year

Text

Friends | Warren Rojas x Reader

request by two anon: "Hey could you do warren x fem reader with 2 and 4 please thx!!" & "Heyyy! Could u write 2 from the prompt list with Warren?"

a/n: hii guys!! I mixed up your requests because they were for the same person with the same prompt. I really hope u two like, tell me your opinion of this. thanks for ask. slightly inspired by the song "Friends" by Ed Sheeran

prompt: 2. “I’m dying.” “You’re not dying.” and 4. “Fuck being friends!”

words: 1.5k

You had returned from the movies with your friends Eddie and Warren, by Warren's request you saw the classic Rollerball. In the beginning you thought it would be just you and the drummer, he invited you last night, but when you told your bandmates that you two were going to the movies, Eddie decided to go with you and Warren. Eddie is a good friend of you so don't worry about it.

You didn't know but Warren was bothered by this, he cared a lot about it, he had invited you and not the bassist, he wanted to go to the movies only with you, he couldn't believe he lost an opportunity to be alone with you, it was as if the universe was fighting against him.

Every time he tried to be alone with you something happened and was in the way, he was so tired of it, it seemed like you guys couldn't be alone for too long. You were in the same band and couldn't be alone.

"What did you guys do while we were gone?" You asked Karen and Graham. They stared at each other before answering.

"W-We wrote some stuff for the album" Graham stammered a bit during the sentence and you didn't ask anything else.

Eddie starts talking about the album with Karen and Graham, meanwhile you went up to your room. You change your clothes for something more comfortable to sleep in and start tidy your hair when you hear a knock on the door.

You open and Warren was there "What's up?".

"Can I stay here with you? the conversation is fucking boring down there"

"There's not a lot of cool stuff going on around here, but you can stay." He came in, and you lay down on your bed while he stood there staring at you.

"Come here!" You tapped the space between your legs and the drummer got the message. He took off his jacket and lay down between your legs, his back was on your chest and you put your arms around him.

You have been in this same position many times, when he needed to talk or relax he would come to you and you would stay like that for hours, sometimes he would smoke a cigarette and share it with you, you would talk about everything or just sit quietly enjoying each other's company.

This looks a little too intimate, but you were friends and friends acted like this, isn't?

"So what do you think about the movie?"

"The same as the last three times we saw him" You touched his hair, you love his curls.

"Pufff, you are very boring. This movie is a work of art, it gets better every time you watch it."

I'll agree, just so we don't start an argument here"

"Boring, Boring, Boringgggggg"

"You came to my room and called me boring?" You pretend to be offended "You are banned from my room sir! Please leave immediately."

You put it aside and got up going to the door as you continued your performance.

"Nooooo, you can't kick me out. I can't live without you."

"Yes, You can, go now!"

"I'm dying. Do you want to carry the guilt of letting this poor man die?" He always did this drama with you

"You're not dying, you're perfectly well" You went to him and pulled him out of your bed, you tried because he was so much stronger than you, so it only took one tug from him for you to fall into bed with him. "Heyyy"

"If you weren't a guitar player, I'd say that you are a good actress" He turned to you. Now you were lying on your bed facing each other, staring at each other.

"Oh, thank you so much my fan! You're so kind and a good actor too!! If the band doesn't work out you know what to do"

"Yes, You and I we'll go to New York and starting some musical show on Broadway"

You started to laugh, you loved spending time with Warren, it was always so much fun, he always made you so happy, you could spend hours talking to him without losing interest.

The laughter stopped and you stared at each other, you got lost in each other's gaze, it was as if he had bewitched you, you couldn't stop looking, his eyes, his lips, everything about him was drawing you closer, the same happened to him and when you realized you were so close that your noses touched.

"Hey Y/n, I got some new mushrooms, me and the boys we are going to use so I thought you-" Karen said while entering the room.

You and Warren raised so fast in shock and the keyboard player lifted an eyebrow in confusion, she couldn't believe what she had seen. The drummer left the room leaving you alone with Karen.

"So..? You guys are…"

"No! Don't say anything more Karen, thank you but I don't want mushrooms now" You kick her out of the room, close the door and go to the bed. You couldn't believe what almost happened.

You and Warren almost kissed, came so close, looked so right, you can't lie, you wanted that to happen. But how can you think that? Warren was your bandmate! Your friend, you were just friends, he saw you as a friend and that was it and friends don't want one or the other right?

– – – –

The day before was so strange, you felt strange, when you saw Warren at breakfast you didn't know what to do, you looked away as soon as he looked at you. You didn't realize it, but he stared at you all through breakfast, he couldn't help himself.

You and the guys in the band got together in the living room to write some melodies and lines for the new album, you knew they might not make it on the album but it couldn't hurt to try and you loved writing.

It took a few hours of this, you and Warren were apart and didn't exchange a word which caught Karen's attention, she hadn't forgotten what she saw yesterday and she knew how close the two of you were, so to have the two of you ignore each other's existence was crazy.

After some many songs and ideas your friends start drink and use some things, so you said you were tired and went up to your room, after what happen with Billy

You wish you could control yourself that way about Warren too, because it was messing with your mind, you couldn't feel it, you couldn't want him, he was your friend.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn't even hear when someone came into your room and closed the door. "Y/n?"

Even with your back turned you recognized the voice, it was Warren.

You didn't want to turn around, because that meant you would have to look at him and stare at him, and you didn't know if you could control yourself. You gathered up all your courage and looked at him.

"Can we talk?"

"About what?" The drummer frowned his eyebrows

"About what?? Maybe about what happen last night with us"

"Nothing happened"

"Nothing happened?? Don't fuck with me Y/n! Don't lie to me, you know what I'm talking about" He came close to you "You feel this too and if it weren't for Karen you would kiss me, you can't lie about it"

"Warren please, don't make it worse than it is"

"Worse? I can't understand, I don't see nothing worse happen here, you want me and I want you to, and and that's what this is"

"No Warren, this can't happen, we're in the same band and we're friends"

“Fuck being friends!" He held your hands and brought the two of you closer. "You can't say we're just friends, friends don't treat each other like we treat each other, friends don't look at each other like this, friends don't share the same bed, and friends don't love each other like I love you.

He was exposing himself to you, confessing all that feeling he had held in his heart for so long. "Don't pretend you don't feel it too S/n, I know you and I know it stirred you too. Give me a chance to show you that I can be much more than a friend to you".

He was right, it's hard to admit that, but he's all you want since the beginning but try to put it aside with a friendship. But you two couldn't be friends, because as Warren said, friends didn't look at each other like you did, friends didn't share in the same bed, friends didn't love each other like you did, and friends didn't kiss each other like you and him were doing now.

– – – –

thanks for reading!!

masterlist

#daisy jones and the six #warren rojas #djats #swiftgreatest's write #warren rhodes #warren rhodes x reader #request #warren rojas x reader #warren rojas imagine #warren rhodes imagine #warren rojas one shot #warren rhodes one shot #eddie roundtree

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ctitan98official · 3 months

Text

@sobersaber : I really love your interpretations of the RE characters and how you encapsulate their personalities so well from prompts. If you don't mind, I would like to request the re8 ladies reacting to a Y/N with braces. I just had braces done this week, so it makes me wonder how these individuals far from modern civilisation react to a literal saw trap in your mouth. Thanks <3

Thank you, my friend! Also, check out the cool art that @sobersaber does! Now, this is a great idea. Let’s get into it!

Alcina:

Alcina is one of the few people in the village who has actually been out in the world. When she was a Jazz singer, she visited lots of places with her band and met many different people.

However, she was born in a different time. Dental braces are somewhat of a mystery to her as she’s never really seen them.

When she gets you to smile for the first time, she is truly surprised by the shiny metal in your mouth.

She asks politely if she can get a better look to which you nod your head.

Alcina asks lots of questions, but she is very supportive. She loves you no matter what.

Donna:

The doll maker is no stranger to dental braces. She has studied medicine and anatomy which have both led her to a few books on dentistry.

She really just sees them as a means to an end. A dentist thought you should have braces? Great… That’s about it for her opinion on them, really.

She absolutely thinks you rock them, though.

She likes the intricacy of how they are bonded to your teeth.

When you first showed them to Angie, she begged Donna to make her some so that she could see what having braces was like. Donna did, but Angie couldn’t stand it. She thought they felt very strange.

Miranda:

Miranda has the most experience with living in modern society outside of the village.

She has met quite a few people who wear dental braces.

She thinks you look really cute with them.

Sometimes, she’ll tell a joke just so she can see you laugh. Getting to look at your braces is a perk.

Miranda makes sure you are practicing good oral hygiene and will scold you if you don’t take good care of your teeth. She’s a scientist. Rules regarding your health must be followed around her.

Bela:

Bela has heard of dental braces. She’s read quite a few books (Young adult novels. You can’t convince me otherwise!) where characters have them.

She finds them quite fascinating. It makes her wonder what the world is like beyond the village.

When you smile at her and she catches a glimpse of them it just warms her heart. It’s part of what makes you unique to her.

Now whenever Bela reads something and a character wears braces, it makes her think of you.

Cassandra:

She thinks your dental braces are badass. Literal metal bonded to your teeth? Cool!

When you are talking to her, she’ll often look at your braces because she just finds them so interesting.

Definitely wishes she had some.

It makes you feel more confident that she not only accepts that you have braces, but fully adores them.

As long as Cass likes them, that’s all that matters in your opinion.

Daniela:

Freaking gushes about your dental braces when she first sees them.

She asks if you can get multiple colors and when you say yes she dares you to get a set of rainbow bands.

You’re in. If Dani wants it, you’ll do it. Besides, she’ll be the one seeing them the most, not you.

Dani always wants to stick her finger in your mouth to see what they feel like.

You don’t mind. Dani asking before she puts her hands in your mouth would be nice, though.

Masterlist

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thewritetofreespeech · 4 months

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Could I request Toru Kirishima's s/o seeing his tattoos for the first time and getting inspiration for her art from it?

“Take your shirt off.”

Toru stopped dead in the middle of what he was doing for a second, then returned to it with a cheeky grin. “[Y/N]-chan, not here in the middle of work…”

“It’s not for that.” They replied with a stern look. Which in turn deflated Toru’s expression because this wasn’t going to be as fun as he wanted. “I want to see your tattoos.”

His expression perked up again, this time in surprise, at their request. No one, or at least no sane person, asked to see a yakuza’s tattoos. “Why do you want to see them?”

“I’m working on a series based on Sakuragi family tattoos. You’re the only one besides Ryota who has a decent one.” They explain as they opened up their sketch pad to get ready.

But Toru felt uncomfortable.

“I don’t think the boss would go for that. He doesn’t like our tattoos on display.” The boss’s rules were simple: you had to get them, and they had to be able to be covered. Toru had already been pushing the line with his arm & wrist tattoos. Discretion was the better part of valor for the boss and he needed soldiers who could blend in when he needed them to.

“I already cleared it with him. He said it was fine.” Shit. “He said as long as I don’t copy the actual tattoos, and use them just for inspiration, and don’t use anyone’s names, I could do it. Now take your shirt off.”

He felt backed into a rock & a hard place, but if the boss said ok Toru didn’t really have a means to refuse them. So he took his shirt off.

Standing there, with his back towards them for a while in silence, Toru finally spoke up, “you’re not doing the whole piece now are you? I’ll have to pick up the little lady from school soon.”

“I’m just working on a rough sketch. And it’s only been 5 minutes.” Toru sighed. “Did they hurt?” They then asked him. Seemingly out of the blue. “When you got them?”

“As much as when my ribs got broken by that baseball bat? No.” He told them. “But…yes, they hurt.”

“Why do it then?”

Toru had to think about it for a minute, over the sound of their pencil scrapping. Sure, the boss and families usually require it when you joined. But it wasn’t just that. “I wanted to belong.”

There were a few more moments of pencil scratching before [Y/N] announced, “I’m done. You can put your shirt back on now.”

“Why do I suddenly feel so dirty?”

[Y/N] chuckled as they came over to him and gave him a peck on the cheek while he buttoned his shirt. “Your support of the arts is appreciated. I’ll see you later.”

“I don’t even get to see it?” He asked incredulously.

“You can see it when it’s done.” They told him. “Just like everyone else.”

“I thought being the boyfriend of the artist got you perks.”

“It does.” They told him. “Your canvas gets to be bigger.” They kissed him again and then were off.

Toru didn’t see them for a while after that, but that was pretty normal. When they were working on their art they would disappear for days on end working on whatever project they had envisioned. Finally, one day, he got a call that the piece were ready and that they were going to do a small show at a local gallery and invited everyone to attend.

Everyone, of course, couldn’t come (that would be a little excessive for the small space) but Toru, Sugihara, and the boss all came to see what [Y/N] had been up to. They were right. His canvas was bigger.

“What do you think?” They asked. Slinking up beside him, like they were any other patron and not the artist.

“I don’t get it.” He answered honestly. “But then again I’m not an art buff.”

[Y/N] snickered at him. “You really don’t have any opinion?”

Toru stared at the painting some more. A large, black dragon. Imposing, intimidating, wailing with its jaws open at the sky in terror perched on a mountain. But then, at its tail, it looked at this it had been ensnared with sakura branches. Delicate, yet strong. The pink flowers a stark contrast to the bleak sky. The parts of its tail it had bound to slowly turning it white. “I like the flowers at the bottom.”

[Y/N] laughed again. “Always the direct one, eh?”

“How much is it?”

“I’m selling it to people who can actually pay me.”

“I can pay you.” Toru snarked back.

“I wouldn’t take your money.”

Toru huffed. “So my skin is good enough for you, but not my money?” Some of the more upper crust patrons gave them funny looks at their conversation.

“Do you really want the painting Toru?”

“Yes.”

“Then I’ll give you the original one.” They told him. “This is a duplicate. I always planned on giving the original to you, if you wanted it. I just didn’t think you’d be so up in arms about it.”

“I’m not ‘up in arms’.” He argued. “I just like the painting.”

“Then you should have it.” They agreed. Giving him a smile and squeezing his hand. “I have to go talk to some other people with money now. Don’t run off without saying goodbye.” Toru nodded and went back to staring at art and sipping his drink.

What was that old saying? He may not know art, but he knew what he liked?

“Do you think [Y/N] would be mad if I took this off the wall now?” He asked Sugihara when they were alone. To which Sugihara told him emphatically yes, but he still considered it.

#;ask and ye shall receive (request answers)#kirishima #toru kirishima #toru kirishima x reader #toru kirishima scenario #kirishima tooru #the yakuza's guide to babysitting #the yakuza's guide to babysitting x reader #the yakuza's guide to babysitting scenario #scenarios #imagine #kumichou musume to sewagakari #kumicho musume to sewagakari x reader #kumicho musume to sewagakari scenario

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galaxiadreams · 9 months

Text

Summer Love <3 (Alhaitham x reader Modern AU)

❦ Warnings: mentions of lack of self confidence(only like once)

❥ Genre: Fluff, romance <3

❥ Word Count: 2,831

❦ Synopsis: Your bestie Yoimiya begged you to go to a summer camp down in Sumeru with her. You were hesitant, at first. But who would've thought a summer camp changed your love life forever...

a/n: Hellooooo!!! This little fic is inspired by my own experience during summer camp. I had a couple "summer camp crushes" and this is kinda of what I fantasied of doing ehehehe. I apologize in advance about the possible grammar/spelling mistakes. Sorry if any sentences doesn't make sense. I'm still trying to learn more about writing! I am also trying out a new format. Please give me any suggestions!

Your best friend begged you to go to a summer camp down in Sumeru with her. You were hesitant, you wanted this summer to be relaxing for once. Go wherever you pleased, and do whatever you wanted. But her sparkling puppy eyes are working far better than you expected and you relented.

“Pleaseeeee, y/n!!! I know you’re not that interested in ancient runes or whatever. Who knows, you might find a cute guy there! I heard Sumeru boys are a different breed! Plus, it’s at the Akademiya, THE top university in all of Teyvat. You know, your dream school. Maybe this trip there will send a message into the universe to make you get into your dream school!” Dammit Yoimiya, no wonder she’s your best friend, she sure knows the way to your heart.

....................

After a long boat ride from Inazuma to Port Ormos, you were greeted by lush green grass, warm humid air, and the pungent smell of Padisarahs. A little melody sung by a bird attracted your attention. A Sumeru Dusk Bird. Its vibrant blue feathers gleaming in the sunlight due to the natural oil produced by the animal.The song is both simple and complex, and it stays with you long after you have heard it. Many, like your mother, may find the sound produced by the bird as a nuisance, overly screeching and loud. But you think otherwise, to you, nature is art in its most natural form. Both held complexity and simplicity in its form. Both evoke deep emotions within you.

The trip from Port Ormos to Sumer City wasn’t too long. But upon arriving, you couldn’t hold the gasp of admiration upon seeing the city before you. Sumeru, the city of wonder. Where nature and cityscapes blend seamlessly. Skyscrapers that reach the sky are embellished with green, lush plants. Trees stood tall and proud, shading the bustling citizens beneath.

You took a deep breath and smiled, this unexpected trip to Sumeru might be a good one.

....................

That’s where you meet him. The grey haired quiet dude from your Ancient runes summer camp council group.

The first day you arrived at summer camp, you were enchanted. Sure, boys from back home were nice, but ohhhhhhh boy. Yoimiya was right, Sumeru boys are something else. You couldn’t help but feel all giddy when it was announced that he would be in your little council group with Yoymiya. Gosh, it felt embarrassing almost. You just learned the guy’s name, Alhaitham, after a little icebreaker and introduction. Hell, the two of you only have been breathing in the same room for merely 10 minutes. He was a total stranger, and you were totally crushing on him. You can’t help but feel shallow.

Kudos to Yoimiya, she read you like an open book. The moment Alhaitham walked into the room she gave you a sultry glance. She knew your type well. When lunch time came, she made it her life mission to find a way to make you sit with Alhaitham. That “life mission” was extremely easy to accomplish. All she had to do was befriend Kaveh, who was introduced as Alhaitham’s childhood best friend, another hottie in Yoymiya’s opinion.

♡ The Akademiya cafeteria is a large, open space with high ceilings and coloured lights shining through ancient stained glass windows. The noise level is deafening, with the sound of hundreds of students talking, laughing, and eating. The combination of strangers and loudness was making you lose your appetite.You watched Yoimiya, Kaveh, and a couple of new acquaintances chatting animatedly, and you felt a pang of jealousy. Not of Yoimiya but of the conversation they’re having; your introverted ass can’t hold a proper conversation with a stranger for 2 minutes, and here is your best buddy beaming at something stupid Kaveh said. Sometimes it makes you think you bore Yoimiya. Sighing, you sneak a glance at Alhaitham sitting across from you, he has a handsome face with a strong jawline, and high cheekbones. His porcelain skin made his turquoise eyes shimmer in the light. The deep glow of red-orange hue near his pupil creates a contrast that reminded you of the unison of the forest and desert in Sumeru. You watched his eyes move to absorb every single word in the book he was holding…you were getting butterflies, but the butterflies plummeted when those eyes flicker to yours. You quickly averted your gaze towards Yoyimya and Kaveh, the heat of embarrassment painted your cheeks a cheery red. You promised yourself that you were not shallow, and you vowed that you’re not a hopeless romantic.

The next few days were filled with teasing from Yoimiya and Kaveh (that freaking girl couldn’t keep her mouth shut). The two of them made sure you and Alhaitham sat together at all times. Yoimiya went as far as refusing to partner with you during activities in order for you and Alhaitham to work together. As you become acquainted with Alhaitham more, he becomes more comfortable with you. He’s not stupid, he notices all the shy glances and blushing cheeks when the two of you are together. Especially the obnoxious, oh-so not obvious suggestions made by Kaveh.To be honest, he’s not new to this behavior from women. The guy knows he’s attractive and he has been on various blind dates orchestrated by Kaveh himself (Alhaitham only relented on the condition Kaveh would stop pestering him about it). At first, Alhaitham wasn’t quite interested. He found your seemingly “secretive” glances rather uncomfortable, annoying even. But what piqued his interest is your love for physics and Astrophysics. Alhaitham is quite well-versed in this field, and this is the first time he has heard anyone claiming the want to pursue physics.

♡ “Y/n. It’s your turn now, two truths and one lie.” “Well, I had thought about this for a while now. Ahem— I choked on a peach pit as a baby and nearly died. I want to have a career in Astrophysics or a major in physics. I have a pet tarantula named Benny boy,” Yoimiya let out a loud laugh upon hearing your statement about the spider, “and Yoimiya is not allowed to answer.” The girl gave you a teasing grin and pursed her lips. After your group failed to answer correctly, you gave them the lie: You had a pet tarantula named Benny Boy. You were deathly afraid of spiders, if you had a personal hell, it would be filled with those nasty creatures. As your council group walked towards the courtyard for recreation time, Alhaitham surprisingly struck up a conversation with you. “You said you’re interested in studying physics?” “Oh yes, it’s rather a new interest that I’ve decided to pursue only recently. After the whole being an actress thing fell apart” “Hmmm, and you said you want a career in Astrophysics?” You were surprised he even paid attention to what you said. You nodded in response. “Well, I have a family member that teaches Astrophysics at the Akademiya, if you’re really interested, I could introduce you to them.” Alhaitham offered, while opening the courtyard gate for you. “Oh heavens really? That would be great!” You smiled at him. Goddamn, that smile of yours caught him off guard. Your smile was like the sun, warm and inviting. It lit up your face and made the excitement in your eyes sparkle. After finding a seat by a marble bench under a giant Adhigama tree, the two of you converse all there is about physics and your interests, from string-theory to philosophy to art, Alhaitham never met someone so knowledgeable and opinionated about some of his favorite subjects.

After that late afternoon little discussion under the Adhigama tree, you and Alhaitham opened up to each other. Hell, you even started to make some physics jokes with him. Celestia must’ve placed a curse on him, because he started to look forward to talking to somebody, he wanted to talk to you, he wanted to be with you. Yeah shocker, the seemingly antisocial genius wanted to talk to a girl. What’s even worse for Alhaitham, is that he started to feel nervous being around you. He was never nervous around anybody, whether it’s strangers or the freaking Grand Sage, he never felt this strange fluttering in his stomach. What’s even more uncanny for him is that he found himself staring at you on multiple occasions. When a conversation ends, he would usually return to his books, but since he met you, he started to leave his books in his dorm. This way, he could listen to your voice, and see you smile. This has to be some curse, Alhaitham thought, he even tried to convince himself that you’re not all that great. But those are just futile attempts, there was something enigmatic about you. It’s hard to notice for the common eyes, some might even describe you as plain and average. But with Alhaitham’s sagacious eyes, he could see right to your soul. Alhaitham was bewitched, you’re the one that placed this curse of infatuation (perhaps even love) upon him. Through all the secret glances and “accidental” hand-touching enacted by both you and Alhaitham, the final bouquet has arrived.

♡ You took a deep breath and tried to focus on the positive. You were feeling rather melancholic considering this will be last night you’ll be spending in Sumeru, the city of Wonder, where you met new besties for lifes and became an official ambivert (according to both Yoyiyma and Kaveh, two renowned extroverts). You couldn't help but smile as you stared at the reflection staring at you in the mirror. You wore a flattering green dress, it was made of a soft, flowing silk fabric that swayed with your movements. The colour of the dress brought out the e/c in your eyes and made your skin look even more radiant. You wore your hair down in loose waves, and your makeup was simple but elegant. White pearl earrings and necklaces completed your looks. As long as Yoimiya is here, you’ll always manage to look like a princess. Soft Sumeru music played as you and Yoimiya walked into the cafeteria. The usual loud, squalor of a cafeteria was transformed into a beautiful forest with soft fairy lights hanging from the tall stone ceiling. Plants, flowers and the soft light from candles placed upon the tables gave the most peaceful atmosphere possible. “Good evening.” Alhaitham's voice was deep and smooth. You whipped around to face the tall man behind you. He is wearing a well-tailored suit that fits him perfectly. His broad shoulders were enhanced in the black material. His hair was also styled, the usual strand of hair covering his left eye was slicked back. As per usual, he had a confident and clamming demeanor, and he made you feel flustered immediately. You can’t deny the literal rizz radiating off of him. “Good evening, you look really good by the way.” you complimented, why is it so hot in here? Alhaitham smiled a little at the compliment. The reserved scholar felt his cheeks warming up a little. In return, he pulled a chair out for you, gesturing for you to sit. Shocked, you quickly sat down and thanked him. You were screaming inside, a man with manners and chivalry is making the butterflies swarmmmmmm. Alhaitam took a seat right next to you and filled up the fancy wine glasses for the both of you.

“How was your day?” He inquired, while taking a sip out of his drink. He initiated the conversation first, you noticed gleefully. “It was alright, except for the tower building exercise. Can’t believe that Haypasia girl tripped and fell on our group’s tower! We would’ve been first place if she watched where she was walking!” You complained jokingly, Alhaitham chuckled at the disaster that occurred earlier today. The two of you conversed throughout dinner, but you couldn’t help but notice how your elbow and his were touching the entire time. You wanted to assert dominance and didn’t move away, it seems he had the same thought. He didn’t move either, Alhaitham only leaned closer to you while talking. His eyes barely left yours while the both of you talked about life and dreams. One of the most attractive traits about him, besides literally everything, is his voice. He spoke with clarity, it's the kind of voice that makes you want to listen to him talk for hours. When he speaks, his words are carefully chosen and delivered with conviction. He has a way of making you feel like you're the only person in the room. When the banquet ended, there was a surprise slow dance outside in the courtyard. When the organizers of the summer camp announced for everyone to find a partner, your e/c eyes immediately found his turquoise ones looking at you just the same. Alhaitham cleared his throat and held out his right hand. “Would you like to have this dance with me?” “Of course. I would never reject you.” You laughed and held his hands in yours. His warm calloused hands sent electric shots through your body and his. His eyes widen at the softness of your hands. Your already smiling face beamed when you saw his sudden red cheeks and bashfulness. The waltz music started, and the two of you swirled to the beat, Alhaitham taking the lead. The two of you weren’t afraid to stare into each other’s eyes. This is the first time you experienced what time stops truly meant. Alhaitham couldn’t help but sigh, it wasn’t a sigh of annoyance, but a sigh of endearment. The blue light of the full moon lit your perfect face, the gleaming of your pearl earrings made you an angel from heaven. A gift from Celestia just for him. Alhaitham was lost in a whole different dimension with you, to the young scholar, only the music, you, him, and the moon existed at the moment. Was this love? The both of you couldn’t describe this feeling that suddenly blossomed in your guy’s chest; it was this faint struggle of breath combined with a weird sense of yearning. It was truly indescribable. This continued throughout the whole waltz, the music only brought the two of you closer, closer, and closer. Both of you fell from heaven when the dance came to an end. Your heart skipped a beat when you realized how close you and Alhaitham were, both your noises were touching, you could feel his breath on your lips. “Eeeeeek! Just kiss already!” an excited screech made you pull away from Alhaitham. Yoimiya was with Kaveh and a few other campers with her phone on record in her hand. “Oh by the way Alhaitham, me and Yoyimya recorded the whole entire dance! Ehe!” Kaveh grinned, pointing towards his own phone in his hand. The whole crowd all erupted in loud cheers and laughter.

When it was time to say goodbye, Alhaitham didn't want to leave. Both of you guys didn’t want to leave this secret paradise. He asked for your contacts and if he could see you again, and who are you to say no. Plus, the two of you would be attending the Akademiya in a couple of months, imagine the excitement and glee in Yoimiya’s eyes and cheers when you told her you got into the number one University in Teyvat. You received the acceptance email right after the dance that night. Alhaitham walked away with a smile on his face (which is unnerving for Kaveh) knowing that he had met someone truly special.

....................

You leaned your elbow against the window frame as you stared out at the sun setting beneath the endless ocean. The sky was ablaze with different shades of orange, pink, and purple. It was a breathtaking sight, and you felt lucky to be able to witness such beauty and art. The colours in the sky grew more and more vibrant as the sun disappeared, it was the perfect way to end a day. You turned your head to a sleeping Yoimiya hugging your arm. The sunlight brightening her features, you chuckled at your best girl and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Your head rests against the cool glass as you look up at the very first star that has appeared that night. A single white spot on a tapestry of orange and pink, you kept your focus on the sky as more stars appeared to embellish the darkening sky. The hum of the engine on the boat rocked you to sleep as you sailed home to Inazuma. The last thought you had before leaping off to dreamland was of a certain grey haired male and his luscious voice. At that moment you decided to embrace the fact that you’re a hopeless romantic, because as crazy as it may sound, you knew you just found your soulmate.

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daeguzen · 10 months

Text

Lee Haechan Keeps Breaking Up With Me

PAIRING | l.dh x f. reader, ft. n.jm

GENRE | angst, slight fluff

WORD COUNT | 7.6k

NOTE | i just wrote all of this, it's not proofread lol. this is the start of the started with a book series. first book is called laura dean keeps breaking up with me. it's an lgbtq+ comic styled book. the art style is very pretty and the story itself, i find, is good. a coming to age story about friends, neglect, and toxic relationships. i followed the basic plot for the most part but all scenes, characters, and personal story lines are not 100% true to the original book. credits to the author of course for what i did relate to.

WARNING | reader has negative views of themselves, mentions of infidelity, manipulative characteristics, toxic relationships

SONG | i don't know you - the marias

SUMMARY | becoming lee haechan's girlfriend was the best day of your life. he was everything you dreamed of. the most breathtaking, and beautiful lee haechan was someone you were lucky enough to call yours. it goes unnoticed how he easily manipulated you into doing all he wanted, believing the pretty lies that left his lips. the love you had for him was enough to blind you to how mean he could be and how often he broke up with you just to get back together again. no one understood why you kept running back into the embrace of the boy who paid no mind to your pain. when you seek advice from the don't need that love online forum, your forced to face the truth. your heart is breaking slowly, your friendship is falling apart, and you can't seem to do anything right. and what would it take for him to stop breaking up with you?

Wiping down the cafe table, you find yourself lost in the repetitive motions of your work. You move your arm around, rag in hand, watching as the little crumbs fall on the floor. Placing the napkin dispenser and other items neatly in their respective places. Backing away from the now clean area, you take the used dishes to the kitchen. You hear the faint chimes that sound every time people walk in and out. It’s not as busy, that being the situation every Wednesday afternoon. When you come out back to the front you’re greeted with a small cappuccino made by your co-worker Na Jaemin.

“You look like you need an energizer. Don’t worry, the boss won’t mind.” Glancing at him and back at the drink in his hand you break out in a small but grateful smile.

“Thank you Jaem, what would I do without your kind gestures?”

“Crash and burn.” At that you let out a laugh that makes Jaemin’s eyes sparkle. Something you never noticed, eyes always wondering elsewhere.

“Honestly, I can say you read me better than my own boyfriend.” You also miss the twitch in Jaemin’s smile, lips almost frowning. But he reverts back to his friendly self knowing that the place next to yours wasn’t for him.

“Well I believe that your boyfriend is a little bitch.” You almost choke on your coffee at the sudden selection of words.

“Jaemin!”

“Just saying what I believe. An opinion tis all. Now finish up young lady, back to work before manager Suh comes in and sees you downing his precious coffee.”

“I thought you said he wouldn’t mind.”

“Hmm did I?” You stifle a giggle as you finish up your tasty cappuccino. Although he had been partially messing with you when he called your boyfriend a little bitch, you couldn’t help but wonder if Haechan wasn’t the best boyfriend in the world. You could’ve gone without the name calling. Visibly, you sigh as you throw your coffee cup away, thoughts of Haechan lingering in your mind. Most of the time, the emotions you felt when remembering him were sad and lonely ones. You oftenly had to wonder where he was or if he’d call you. Maybe he’d forgotten about you completely at times. You weren’t sure but you hoped it wasn’t so.

When the chimes ring again, you look up ready to greet the incoming customer when you realize it’s your bestfriend Mark. Your smile diminishes as you watch the evident frown and glaring eyes. When he stops at the counter you don’t even get one word out before he speaks up.

“What happened to showing up to my show at 4 pm sharp?” Your eyes widen. Shit.

“M-Mark, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to miss it, Johnny called me in to work yesterday and I forgot to follow up with you. Please I’m sorry, I-I can make it up to you.”

“You can’t because you always do this.”

“What do you mean?” You feel yourself try to hide, curl into yourself as Mark’s words leave painful imprints on your chest. You couldn’t blame him though, it was your fault. Only you were to blame for being a fuck up of a girlfriend and best friend.

“You always come to me when you need something or when you’re down. Mostly when your jerk of a boyfriend doesn’t give you any attention. But when I want to go to you you’re never there. When I tell you I have a show that I really care about that I would love for my best friend to show up to, you forget. It’s not fair.” Mark looks near tears as he speaks to you in a tone that always felt alien to you. He starts to turn away, opting to just leave at that point.

“Markie, wait, don’t go I really am sorry!”

“Fuck off Y/N.” There’s the sound of a choked off sob, tears tricking with a heavy heart in hand. You jump slightly when Jaemin’s hand comes to soothingly rub your back, arms bringing you into a hug.

“It’s okay Y/N, it’ll be okay. If you want, go home and rest up a bit, it’s not a busy day and I can talk to manager Suh.”

You want to shake your head and say no, that you’re fine and that you can do your job but Jaemin doesn’t let you. And even if his intentions were good, it only made you feel worse. Not only were you a careless best friend and boring girlfriend, but now you were a useless co-worker. Walking out of the cafe, your eyes were trained on the sidewalk, the tears still streaming down your face. They didn’t stop even when you reached your house. Not until you fell asleep with only a pillow to hold.

You spent the entirety of the following week trying to make up for your mistake. You kept apologizing, telling him that you appreciated him a lot and supporting him during his recordings. He accepted it, also apologizing for telling you to fuck off but you told him there was no need. He was right to be upset with you and you promised that this time, you’d work on being a better and attentive friend. Knowing that the only thing Mark was forgetful about was eating properly, you oftenly brought him lunch boxes and coffee from your workplace.

You were aware that Mark wasn’t a big fan of your boyfriend. And it frustrated him to see the frequency of your visits with lunch boxes in hand not because he wasn’t grateful but because he knew Haechan never saw any of this. Your boyfriend was as good as a ghost, even dead. He hoped that one day, you’d have the courage to leave him and be happy. You were his childhood friend and seeing how those eyes of yours morphed into something sad and empty would always be a sadness of his own.

It was Tuesday morning when you walked out of the recording studio, bidding farewell to Mark. You made your way towards the Art Building, where your Intro to Art and Visual Culture class was scheduled in about thirty minutes. You sat on one of the seats in the hallway to wait for your class to begin. Scrolling through your phone, you couldn’t help but see what Haechan had been posting. He told you he was busy, it was why you hadn’t seen him in over three weeks. If hanging out with friends at a bar could be considered busy. You never complained or called him out for anything. You weren’t that type of girlfriend and Haechan would probably be annoyed if you were.

Still, you couldn’t help but wish that those pretty eyes would look at you. You could almost imagine him walking up to you, wearing nothing but jeans and an oversized hoodie. You’d look to your left, seeing him sit down next to you, getting lost in those sparkling and mischievous eyes. The pretty marks that dotted his face, creating the Ursa Minor constellation. You would adoringly call him your little bear because of it. His hair had always looked soft, grown out and messy but it was your favorite out of all the ones he’d worn before. You liked how it almost came around his eyes and down to the back of his neck. When you blink again, his image is gone and you’re left with an empty seat, just a picture of him on your phone case.

Your head falls back gently onto the wall behind you, eyes closing. What would it take for Haechan to just see you? To love you like you did him? He had to at least somewhat love you. He wouldn’t keep coming back if he didn’t, right? It felt more like something you tried to tell yourself to believe instead of what could be the actual truth. Maybe Haechan didn’t love you. Or maybe you were asking for too much when you were not enough. Still, Haechan was yours. At least a piece of him had to be yours, even if your entirety belonged only to him. When your eyes open, moving to the side, you see his smiling face.

“I wish you were real.”

“If I weren’t then what would I be? A ghost?” You blink once and then again. By the third time, he’s still sitting there. That dazzling smirk spreads across his face as it always did. Suddenly, he brings himself closer, head tilting and lips aiming straight for yours. You felt that emptiness fill again, forgetting all the bad thoughts that clouded your mind. Before he could pull away, you surprisingly let your fingers slip into his hair and hold him there for a bit. He lets a muffled sound of what seems surprise as he lets you get lost within him.

For you it was everything but for Haechan, he just relished in the way he held your delicate heart in his hands. Always at his beckoning call even when he discarded you. He could always present himself in front of you and you’d be like a puppy waiting for their master.

He pulls away from you, eyes hooded when he sees you chase a bit after him. You miss the bad glimmer in his eyes, when he takes a good look at your closed eyes, lips colored red and swollen. You feel his hand come up to caress at your cheek softly, a great contrast from the manipulative feelings burning within him.

“Darling, you look so cute like this. Maybe I should keep you waiting for my kisses more frequently.” He clearly knows what he’s doing and saying when he watches the sad frown grace your lips.

“I missed you so much. I haven’t seen you in three weeks now. Where have you been?”

“I told you I was busy doing stuff. My friends needed me. But I remembered about your class today and since I didn’t have anything to do I thought maybe we could go somewhere.” Another frown, another internal flare of manipulative words. A never ending dance doomed for tragedy.

“Hyuckie, I have class in twenty minutes.”

“The same class you attend every Tuesday for five months. Missing one class isn’t going to affect you. Besides, don’t you want to spend time with me? You said you missed me.” Haechan’s hand retracts, his thumb lightly grazing now at your neck.

“But I like this class a lot.” This time it’s Haechan who frowns, observing how you’ve become a little resistant to him.

“What, so you like your class more than me? I thought I meant more, that I was important to you above all else.” When you see him pout he knows he’s roped you in. He likes the desperate look to please him and wonders what he did in life to find such a willing girl that wants to see him happy and sets her heart right out in front of him. He could almost laugh.

“Fine, fine. But only this one time. I can’t keep skipping classes.”

“Don’t worry love, no one will notice you’re missing and we can have fun.” No one would ever notice you the way I do. See you the way I do. Your heart, it’s all for me to play with and do as I please. And you could never dream of saying no to me my love.

Haechan grasps at your hand now, excitedly dragging you away. To you, not much else mattered more than keeping him happy. Even if it was at the expense of your responsibilities and well being. As long as he could smile with those dazzling eyes into yours, you thought that was enough.

“Where are we going Haechannie?”

“Anywhere we want.” Anywhere I want.

“Can we get coffee together?”

“Should we?” No.

“Unless you don’t want to, we could go get ice cream if you’d like, I know you like that one place by the bookstore.”

“Hmm, I guess we’ll get ice cream then!” Of course we are.

“Haechannie?”

“Yes?” What?

“I love you.”

“Me too.” Of course you do, who wouldn’t?

And eventually when you do get your ice cream and he pays for you, you get a piece of him. You enjoy it to the fullest. But as you're finishing your treat, he does what he always does. When his eyes find his friends he lets those words roll smoothly out of his mouth. I’ll be back so wait for me here.

You tell yourself he’ll come back. But you always knew what those eight words meant. Even if you denied it as hard as you could, the rising moon could not deny it for you.

Haechan left you in the dark again.

Dear DNYL,

My name is Y/N and I’m a third year college student at Dream University of the Arts. I’m currently in a relationship with my sweet boyfriend Hyuck. I love him dearly. He’s a great guy deep down. When he first asked me to be his girlfriend, I was sitting on a singswet and he was kneeling in front of me. He looked at me, I know he took a really good look at me. He was so sweet, his hand held mine, and he told me that he had never met another girl like me. He said he wanted to keep me all for himself.

But I think that things aren’t going very well. I just can’t figure out why. I love him and he loves me. I know he does. He buys me ice cream. Even pretty flowers because he knows I like them. He lets me join in on his streams. He’s a gamer. He’s pretty good at it too. I’m not as good so he doesn’t let me embarrass myself in front of his friends. I know he’s taking care of me by doing this.

I just can't seem to understand something. Even with all this love, Hyuck sometimes feels upset. And I don’t know how to fix it. I know it’s my fault, I should pay more attention to him because I’m his girlfriend. I care for him a lot. But I don’t know how to fix it because truthfully, my boyfriend Hyuck keeps breaking up with me and I don’t know what to do. Please reply soon.

Lots of love,

Y/N

It was a mistake. Your balance had failed and the other boy had been too close. You were slightly tipsy, waiting on the couch for your boyfriend. He invited you to the bar he frequented with his friends. You were okay enough to know that you were going to have to apologize again. Not only to Haechan but to Jaemin too. Your boyfriend was so caught up in talking to some other person that he forgot about his promise to take you home half an hour ago. You decided to take matters into your own hands, not being able to take the sight in front of you.

Jaemin hadn’t taken very long to find you. He came over to you asking if you were okay, you only replied with a small yes as you took his hand into yours. But the world was spinning so when you fell back, Jaemin tripped over you, lips brushing against yours. It was straight out of a dramatic story. But he didn’t stay more than a second like that when he was getting up, ears red, and stuttering apologies. You laughed, waving it off, and telling him that you’d really like to go home.

Jaemin held you close to his side, when his eyes came up, he noticed the silhouette of the person he could honestly say he hated. He watched as Haechan’s arm retracted from the girl next to him, eyes engaging him in a furious glare. Before anything else could happen, Jaemin pulls away first, his top priority being you.

“Let’s take you home okay?” You nod, letting him guide you to his car. You don’t notice the familiar steps that hurriedly hit the payment. It’s only when he’s blocking you from Jaemin’s car that you realize Haechan followed you out. He looks towards you, extending his hand out for you to take.

“Y/N, I’ll take you home.”

“If you haven’t noticed I’m taking her home.”

“I wasn’t talking to you. Y/N, let’s go now.” He moves forward to take almost by force but stops when he watches with shock at how you sink deeper into Jaemin’s arms. You most certainly did not just reject Haechan in preference of Jaemin. You couldn’t have done that.

“Y/N?” He tries to soften his voice, masking the edge and frustration he’s feeling. To him, there was definitely something wrong with you. You’ve been resisting him recently and he wasn’t a fan of it.

“You didn’t take me home. Jaemin…will do it. He listens.” Jaemin moves around Haechan, still holding onto you as he places you in the passenger's seat. He was sure to properly accommodate you. And when you saw that, your hands came up to try and wipe away your tears. Your sobs may have been hushed but Haechan heard them loud and clear. He turned to watch as you completely fell apart, telling Jaemin so openly that your chest was hurting. That you wanted it to stop. And then before Jaemin closed the door, you uttered words neither boys would’ve ever thought you’d say.

“I wish you were my boyfriend instead. You’re not reckless. You make me feel safe Nana.” It was funny, how they both stilled, eyes wide with shock but for completely different reasons. Haechan felt humiliated. He was hurt but his brain processed all the wrong reasons. Thinking that he was losing his control over you was what he thought bothered him. Jealousy? Of course it was, you were after all his. Jaemin on the other hand, felt sad that he wished it would be the same. But he knew that the moment you’d sober up, you’d forget all of this. And you’d go back to the very arms you were running from tonight.

When you arrived at your house, Jaemin had to carry you. You were at the same low you found yourself in whenever Haechan was around. Jaemin was seeing it all and you couldn’t help the embarrassment in you. But Jaemin didn’t care about any of that. What he cared about was your wellbeing. He loved you more than his words could convey. It ripped him apart to watch Haechan bring you down and toy with you as if you were nothing. But he could never force something that was not meant to be. All he could was be a good friend, it was all he could be even if he craved for more.

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

“Making you…drive me home. Bothering…”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for. I’m here when you need me.”

“Sorry about the kiss. Lost my balance.” For all the self control Jaemin had, he didn’t want to stop his next words. He wouldn’t regret them, he’d just regret the feeling of your inevitable rejection.

“I kinda liked it.”

“Hmm.” Jaemin sighs at your response.

“Of all times you decide to fall asleep on me, it’s the moment I bare a piece of my soul. Sleep well Y/N.” He leaves the door to your room ajar and walks towards the sofa bed in your living room. He doesn’t want to leave you alone in this state, well aware you’d need someone to take care of you in the morning. If only he could hold you, brush his fingers through your hair, and kiss you again. Even if it was selfish, he wanted to be in his place. He’d always want it to be him instead.

Dear Y/N,

Thank you for reaching out to us! I’m Renjun, one of the consultants from Don’t Need That Love. I just want you to know that I’m proud of you for sending us your letter. I want you to take a moment. Just take a moment to breathe. Focus on yourself as you read this and put away all other thoughts. I want you to know that as a consultant here, I am very honest with my words from what I collect from these letters. Although, it may not be what you wish to here, we do this to give perspective on what may be happening in your love life. At the end of the day, I am here to help.

The relationship you are in is not very healthy. Significant others are meant to be there for you, cherish you, and make you happy. But I think you’ve convinced yourself that your boyfriend doing all these things for you is his way of showing his love. I think he tries to manipulate you with his words, to make himself seem like he’s upset and guilt you into giving in. You don’t need someone else to validate you as a good person. You work on accepting yourself as you are. And if there’s someone in your life who truly cares about you, they will be the ones to talk about healthy changes you need to consider.

Not allowing you to play games and to just watch his streams because his friends are there, is not an excuse. If anything he’s supposed to stick up for you. He has probably tried to mold you into someone who is dependent on him. To have you any time he calls out.

Let me ask you sincerely, do you think Hyuck truly sees you for the person you are? Does he know all the things you enjoy? Does he respect you and your friends? Does he agree and accept your words even if it’s a simple opinion or request? Ask yourself, how do his actions reflect the love he says he has for you. Write it out if you’d like, think upon it and then if you want you can write to me again. I hope to hear from you soon.

Lovingly,

Renjun

“We need to talk.” It was the first time Haechan wasn’t so kind to you. Before, it was an exchange of a few words and then him abruptly walking away. But now, he dragged you by your arm, fingers painfully digging into your skin. He led you into the alleyway next to the cafe you worked at. Letting you go, he let his arms fall at his sides. He ignored the way you rubbed your arm to soothe the pain.

“Were you trying to hurt me last night?” You winced.

“N-no, I didn’t mean to-”

“So what, you were just caught up in the moment. For fucksake he was on top of you and you let him!”

“I didn’t mean to do it! It was an accident!”

“So if I were to just kiss any other girl I’d be able to call it an accident? Is that how much my love means to you?” It hurt that he’d accuse you but it didn’t outweigh the guilt you felt for hurting him too.

“No, of course not. Your love means so much to me I-”

“Do you remember what you said to Jaemin?” For some reason, Haechan looked more hurt than you’ve ever seen. His eyes were slightly red as if he had cried.

“W-what are you talking about?”

“You called him to pick you up. Because I didn’t do it as soon as you wanted to. You told him he listens to you. Do you think that I don’t? You think I’m an inadequate boyfriend.”

“Hyuckie no-”

“You told him you wished he were your boyfriend instead!” His statement shuts you up immediately. Hands shaking nervously from the onslaught of accusations. You were drunk but you knew what you had said. And although you avoided that conversation with Jaemin, you knew it was inevitable with Haechan.

“Should we just break up?” At this you panic and Haechan laughs, relishing in how immediately you reached out to him. You’re still mine. You belong to me and no one else.

“Darling, every time we break up we always find our way back. You understand me and I’m the only one who understands you. What we have is more important than a meaningless kiss you shared with that bastard,” he watches your lips slightly frown, “unless you think he’s more important to you than I am.” You shake your head, giving the answer he wanted.

“I want to hear you say it, love. Say I’m more important to you than him.”

“You’re more important to me than him.”

“So we’re good now. Okay lovely?”

“Yes Haechan.”

“Good,” Haechan moves in to kiss you and you know he never does little pecks. He brings you closer, kissing you in a way you don’t recognize. Because this time, it’s you who tries to pull away gently and he who lets out a sound of disapproval, reaching to kiss you again.

“I know you have to get back to work but after you get off let's go on a date. We’ll do anything you want.” You blink up at him, eyes almost innocent and he feels something strange spread in his chest.

“Anything?” He nods.

“Can we go to the music shop? I want us to listen to music together.” Haechan, who is usually so composed, feels a haze in his mind as he gives in to you. He tells you that he would love to. And he tries to understand why he’s feeling this way but as it always happened, he recognized all the wrong reasons. This time, he thought it was simply because he almost lost his little toy. But you came back into his arms, you always would.

“Mark, I’m sorry. Please believe me I-”

“You know every fucking time I see you, your always apologizing. And it’s getting very tiring Y/N. I thought we were fine, thought you were doing better.”

“I don’t mean to-”

“What? You don’t mean to be a shitty friend? Goddammit, I feel like we’re going in circles. Why can’t you see your boyfriend is a complete asshole? He doesn’t love you!” Mark’s words were meant to hurt you. You knew that much. But hearing him openly express them made you want to cry. And it seemed that it was all you ever did. You were happy one moment crying the next. And it never seemed to stop.

Currently, you stood in Mark’s room, it changed a lot from how he had it as a kid. Now, you could say it was a perfect depiction of who he was. He loved music, he would say he wouldn’t know what to do with his life if it wasn’t for his passion. It looked lively with all the album covers on his walls, music sheets thrown about and instruments on one side.

But looking at him now, he didn’t have the brightness about him. He looked drained and it scared you of how much he seemed to resemble you.

“H-he does love me.”

“Of course he does. Little Mr. Perfect with the dazzling eyes could never hurt you. Oh no, he loves you so dearly that’s why he goes around fucking other girls behind your back.”

“What?” Mark looks to you clearly now, the color draining from both your faces.

“Mark, what are you talking about?”

“You can’t tell me you didn’t know? How could you not know?” An unfortunate turn of events but maybe this was what served as the eye opener you needed.

“Mark?” He looks towards you, frustration in his shoulders but tears rolling down nonetheless.

“I guess that makes two of us. How pathetic. Not only are we best friends who share birthdays but now we can both say we got cheated on.”

You took a moment to process what he was saying. You knew you were a lot of things. Stupid. Ignorant. Foolish. But you weren’t entirely heartless. And only others knew that you were more selfless than selfish. You walked towards Mark, without saying a word you pulled him into an embrace. That was all it took for him to break down.

Mark was a good kid. He did his work diligently and he was one of the most talented musicians at the university. He had a growing following on his platforms. He was always a good son and tried to be a good friend. He thought he had to meet everyone’s expectations and beyond. You often had to bring him down from that cloud and back to earth. Mark didn’t have to try and be perfect because he already was. He just had to be the best he could be. Your hands came to touch his face, knuckles brushing away gently at his tears. You should have been there for him. You should have been a better friend. But you failed him and this was something you’d never forgive yourself for.

“I think there’s a lot we have to discuss about Markie. I’m sorry for not being there. But I’m here now. And I won’t go away anymore.”

And so with that, Mark explained to you that his girlfriend of three years had cheated on him with one of the boys in his piano class. He told you about how he found them, how upset he was, and how badly she tried apologizing for her mistakes. But he realized that he couldn’t take it. That the only person who he couldn’t push away no matter how many times she apologized was you. He could learn to live without her but he couldn’t do that with you. And after talking for hours about him, the topic you dreaded finally came up. And after everything you heard, you realized a lot of things about yourself. Things you finally had the courage to change.

Haechan came around to your coffee shop, smirking at the obvious glare Jaemin sent his way.

“Y/N, you’re gonna go to my birthday party tomorrow right?” Looking up from behind the cash register, you watch Haechan leaning on the counter.

“I thought your birthday was next week?”

“It is but I’m celebrating it tomorrow. I’m inviting all of my friends too. Don’t worry I can pick you up.”

“Haechan, I appreciate it but I have something really important to do.” Haechan frowns. Did you…just say no without apologizing? He straightens up to look at you more clearly.

“What’s so important that you have to miss my birthday party?”

“It’s personal.”

“So now we’re keeping secrets?”

“You’d know a lot about keeping secrets.” Haechan has the audacity to scoff. The shock he felt wasn’t enough to even begin describing the list of emotions he was going through.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re excused. Now leave, there's a customer behind you.” He looks at you, mouth gaping open. When he looks back to where your coworker stands with amusement written on his face, he turns angrily.

“No way did you just reject your boyfriend's invitation.”

“I did,” you let out a sigh of relief.

“It’s just…I’m not used to you denying him anything. Not to sound nosy or whatever but your man is-” before he could say more you add, “a little bitch.” If Jaemin had taken a sip of coffee he would’ve spit it out. But he settled with his jaw dropping to the floor.

“Who are you?” You turn to look at him and for the first time in years, he watches a genuine smile grace your face all the way to your eyes.

“Y/N L/N, third year college student at Dream University of the Arts. The best friend to none other than Mark Lee and Na Jaemin. The soon to be ex-girlfriend of one Lee Haechan."

Dear Renjun,

Thank you for writing back. It means a lot to me. It did hurt a lot, the words you wrote. I’m embarrassed to say that I spent a few weeks agonizing over it but I’ve finally gathered my courage. One that I think took too long to find. I guess I’ll just start with everything that’s been on my mind.

I hate going to the ice cream place all the time. I only did it because Hyuck doesn’t like coffee too much. I would always offer coffee, he’d say should we, and I knew it was his way of saying no. He never gets me the flowers I like. Blue and white hydrangeas are my favorite. But he gets me roses because he says they are the most romantic. I’ve always found them to be basic. He’s never told me loved me directly. I would always say it first. He also always leaves me alone. Whether in the rain, sun, dark clouds, or on a park bench. He made me skip classes because he made me feel as though I wasn’t loving him enough. He never talks kindly about my friends. He doesn’t listen to me when I’m agonizing. He forgets me.

You’re right, he doesn’t see me. I called it love because I wanted to believe it. But it wasn’t. It never was to begin with. I was a toy to him, a puppet. One that he could pull the strings back towards him. But these past few weeks have made me realize and see things for what they truly were. My friend confessed something to me. He went through something sad in his relationship just like I did with mine. I see now how badly I’ve neglected him. Just like Hyuck does to me.

I don’t want it anymore. I don’t want to be with him. I want him to let me go. I know it’ll hurt but I know I’ll be happy when we set each other free. My boyfriend Huck keeps breaking up with me because he doesn’t need my love. He doesn’t fear losing it. And even if I do want to cry and scream…I can’t. Why do I feel so free?

Thank you Renjun. For listening to me and for providing me with your words of encouragement. It’s one of the many things that I needed to grow out of this. I hope wherever you are that you’re doing well. And that you have people who cherish you deeply.

Lots of love,

Y/N

Taking a deep breath as you bring your hand up to ring the doorbell, you hear the faint sound of it ringing in Haechan’s apartment. When the door opens you’re met with the smiling face of a boy you’ve never met. He looks like he’s gone through hell and back. Wincing at the sudden daylight he gives you another small and quirky smile.

“Hello! You here for the after party?”

“After party?”

“Yeah, Haechan is having a weekend birthday party so we’re on dia numero dos. Come in!” You walk in a little weary at all the excitement that exudes from the boy. When you step into the living room you see a few boys, with what seems to be their girlfriends, and Haechan sitting in the middle laughing away with a bottle of Bacardi. When he turns he sees you and you can see his gears turning in his head. The ones that used to manipulate you.

“Y/N, you’re here.”

“I didn’t know you were having another party.”

“Yeah well I was sad that my girl couldn’t show up for some reason so the guys are here to cheer me up. We’re going to be partying all week!”

“Yeah, uhm can I speak to you in private?” Haechan’s eyebrows furrow. There’s a little bite to his tone when he answers you.

“Why can’t you say what you need to say here?”

“Because it’s a little personal.”

“Just like yesterday? Why are you being so secretive Y/N? It’s getting really annoying.” His friends just look at the two of you, some giggle, others ignore the situation, and a few look disappointed in him. One of them you recognize as Jeno, Jaemin’s best friend. You knew he was a good guy. You wondered if Haechan had somehow manipulated him too.

“I don’t want to say it in front of your friends.” He scoffs.

“Just spit it out Y/N, I’m trying to cheer up after you left me hanging.” You could visibly hear the snipping of the threads that kept you tied to him. Miraculously, with all the confidence you could muster you let out the same words he would whisper in your ear.

“I’m breaking up with you Lee Donghyuck.” No one laughed at that. No one dared to as they watched the show unfold in front of them. You can feel Jeno’s eyes on yours but ignore it as yours don’t leave Haechan. He blinks, confusion spreading across his features. He then sits up straight, as if your words were registering late.

“I’m sorry what?” he laughs.

“I’m breaking up with you. You’re a piece of shit of a boyfriend. You only care about yourself. You manipulate people around you to make them feel bad and yourself better just to feed that insanely inflated ego of yours. You don’t bother listening to me or going out with me. You barely even know me after years of dating. I’ve had enough.”

“Fucking unbelievable.” Haechan’s eyes watered but you knew they were fake. He still had to play victim after all.

“You came to break up with me on my fucking birthday!?”

“To be fair, your birthday is Tuesday.” Haechan lets the bottle fall onto the carpeted floor as he gets up in a haste of anger and disbelief.

“You can’t be-”

“Since you always interrupt me, let me do the same. You made me into a shitty person and friend. I willingly let you do that to me. But you know what? I realized that you’re not worth it Donghyuck,” and if using his real name was anything to go by, he immediately knew you were being serious, “You’re not worth being loved by me. I have so much love to give and you always take it for granted. I hope we never have to see each other again after this. I already left all of your things outside your door. I don’t have anything to ask from you because you never care to have me over as much as you do your friends and the girls you sleep with behind my back.” You don’t miss how the color from his face drains, leaving him in a state that you never had the pleasure of seeing him in. You turned and left and as soon as you reached the sidewalk you heard the slamming of a door and Haechan’s loud voice rang through.

“Fuck you! Go fuck yourself! I don’t even need you! I never even fucking loved you! You weren’t special, you were nothing! You are nothing! You’re wrong. You’re the one who doesn’t deserve my love because my love is one of a kind and anyone in the world would be lucky to have it! Now you can say you were the one that lost it.” But you don’t turn around and you let Haechan have the last words. You don’t know what they are as you walk away from him.

Dear Y/N,

I’m happy to have received your last letter. I see that you’ve done a lot of self reflection. I know it must’ve hurt but I can see that you’re ready to move on. Know that you did all of this on your own. I may have provided words of encouragement but you took all the necessary steps towards your happiness. I’m proud of you.

I hope that all goes well for you too. And don’t hesitate to reach out again. Just because you’ve moved on from the relationship you were in doesn’t mean I wouldn’t mind hearing from you again. Perhaps, if you find someone who does see you, you can let me know all about them. I’d be willing to hear from you again.

Lovingly,

Huang Renjun

Moving on from Haechan wasn’t so hard when you realized just how much more happy you felt. Even though you grieved the boy you left, you didn’t grieve the relationship. It would’ve been pointless to do so. Eventually, the light returned to your eyes. You didn’t look as tired as you used to. Jaemin would frequently tell you about how much you’ve changed for the better. Sometimes he’d think he’d say too much but you just observed how well he knew you. He even brought you your favorite flowers with a cup of coffee.

Instead of being alone at all the places you liked to frequent, Jaemin was there with you. Sometimes so was Mark. The arcade and music shop became your special places with Jaemin. You also made sure to never miss any Mark’s shows which he appreciated. It brought him near tears when you attended his fifth show in a row, watching how his best friend made every effort to be there.

And when Jaemin asked you to be his girlfriend, you couldn’t help the feelings that spread in your chest. Jaemin loved you so much and he showed it to you. He listened and was always there when you needed him. He never left you behind, you were always next to him. All that mattered was already in your life, you just had to let go of those who didn’t.

This is Y/N please leave a message.

Hey baby, it’s me, we need to talk...please call me back.

Love, can you answer your phone? I need to talk to you please. Please just call back ok?

Why are you hurting me like this? You broke up with me on birth- at my birthday party and now you’re ignoring all of my calls? Could you just please fucking answer? I know you still get my messages. I know you do.

Hey it’s me again, Haechannie, the love of your life. Remember you would call me your love? I do. Listen, I’m sorry for being angry in my last voicemail. It was mean of me to talk like that and I’m really sorry but I was just feeling frustrated that you won’t answer. I just need you to pick up the phone once love, so we can talk. Please, I’m sad that the only way I hear your voice is through your voicemail message. And I can’t seem to find you on campus please just call. I tried looking for you at work but you’re never there and I- you have reached the time limit for this voicemail.

H-hey, b-baby please p-please. I-im sorry. I know, I know I hurt you and I know you’re upset with m-me but please! I have to t-talk to you. I miss you so fucking much please please please call me baby please! F-fucking call me back!

Y-Y/N why won’t you call me back? I can’t breathe. I’m suffocating. I can’t smile. I can’t do shit. I miss you so so so much. I miss kissing you. I want to kiss you. I want you. I need you. I need our cuddle sessions back. And I want us to go for ice cream again. Love, please just pick up your phone.

I heard you’re d-dating Jaemiiin! That’s sooo f-fucking funny. I actshually for uh s-second thought that you..that you started d-dating that b-bastard. D-does he know? Does he know m-my love, that I, Lee Haechan! Was your first in everyyything? That I kissed you first? That I made love to you first? Held you first…I held you first. You fooled me love…huh fooled me goood.

Y/N f-for fucksakes! I love you I-I love you! I love you! Love me back baby please! Love me I need you to love me! L-love me. Love me because it hurts. It hurts so much. I’m a fucking mess. I’m fucking c-crying right now and I sound so pathetic. Is this what you want to hear? T-that I cry myself to s-sleep every night wishing you were next to me? And that I, I’ve been drinking too much. S-sometimes I feel like…I feel like I can see you. Like I could just…reach out and t-touch you. And then I reach out and you’re not there! Baby please- you have reached the time limit for this voicemail.

Fucking automated piece of shit! I hate hearing it! I want to hear you! Please love me! Use me. Do anything you want with me baby but please don’t leave me. B-baby please pretty please! Play with my heart. I-I deserve it right? For hurting you, I deserve it and i-if you come back then I’ll let you do whatever you want with me. How does that sound, hmm? Sounds good right love? Please, don’t leave me. I’ll give you my love. You have it all. Your love is one of a kind, your love is the one not worth losing. Come back and love me, I need you to love me, love me so it won’t hurt anymore.

The phone number you are calling is no longer in service.

The phone-

#nct dream #haechan #lee haechan #haechan scenarios #haechan angst #donghyuck angst

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