#incorrect stevetony

[ironshieldchild]

a little something i made lmao

[incorrectmcuquotess]

Fury: Captain Rogers. My office.

Tony, to Steve: Uh oh. He probably wants to talk to you about how your shirts aren't tight enough. Probably.

[hurtspideyparker]

Part 3 of if Civil War didn't end in divorce and everyone lived together

Part 1 Part 2

-

Mission debrief:

Thor: Don't feel bad Banner, I mean is there anyone at this table who hasn't killed somebody?

Peter: *slowly raises hand*

Natasha: Don't worry you're still young

Peter: 😟

-

Steve: Has anyone seen my shield?

Clint: *points outside*

*Peter, Thor, and Bucky playing frisbee with it*

Steve: I guess I'm not saving those orphans today :/

-

Clint: Tony I said seedless watermelon, are you trying to kill me?

Tony: You're a big boy, you aren't gonna choke

Clint: No but it might... grow

Tony: Oh please don't tell me you still think watermelon seeds grow inside your stomach if you swallow them

Clint:

Pietro: Bro got a licence to kill but still has a Jack and the Beanstock level of education

-

2:34 am

Tony: *leaving Steve's bedroom*

Sam: *leaving Bucky's bedroom*

Tony:

Sam:

Tony: Let's never speak of this?

Sam: Yep.

-

Steve: Tony, you're the smartest person I know. You understand anything you set out to study, your passion is remarkable, innovation beyond anyone on the planet, and an incredible memory

Tony: Thank you thank you

Steve: So why do you STILL NOT CLOSE THE KITCHEN CABINETS

Tony: Uh

Steve: SOME OF US ARE TALL TONY. SOME OF US HAVE BRUISES ON THEIR FOREHEADS BECAUSE OF THIS NEGLIGENCE

-

Tony: Goodnight kid *tucks Peter into bed and kisses his forehead*

*Clint, Vision, Thor, and Dum-E waiting outside the room*

Tony: Oh come on. All of you?

*nodding*

Tony: Vision you don't even sleep. Dum-E I am not kissing you again you gave me chemical burns last time

Dum-E: *lowers head and whirs sadly*

-

Bucky: Don't sit so close to me

Sam: Why, cause I'm black 🤨

Bucky: No because you smell like ass sweat

Sam:

Sam: Why, cause I'm bl-

-

During training:

Natasha: *flips Steve and slams him onto his back*

Peter: Woah! I wanna know how to do that

Natasha: *flips Peter and slams him onto his back*

Natasha: Seems like you already know how

-

Tony: Okay Merida, you and me, darts for a hundred bucks. My suit vs. your freak self

Clint: I'll take that bet

*7 minutes later*

Tony: I have advanced AI targetting technology. SUPER. SUIT. How did I lose?!

Clint: It can do a lot of things Tony but at the end of the day it can't super suck this di-

-

Bucky: Sam's in medical so I'll do the mission debrief with you

Natasha: That was fast, I thought you'd still be coddling your boyfriend the rest of the day

Bucky: What. How do you know about us.

Natasha: I don't, it was a joke...

Bucky:

Natasha:

Bucky: Damn you really are good at interrogation

-

Bruce: I've taken up puzzles as a hobby. It's actually really relaxing

*Box is missing the last piece*

Bruce: *sighs, erases the 61 under the 'Days Without Hulk Incident' sign*

-

Natasha: Kings

Bucky: Go fish. Sevens?

Natasha: Nada. Fives?

Bucky: Shit. Here

Sam: I thought y'all were playing poker, are you for real playing Go Fish?

Natasha: Our pockets got cleaned out so we quit. The poker game is over by Steve

Peter: HAHA SUCK IT OLD MAN, AMERICA JUST WENT BANKRUPT *pulls giant pile of animal crackers to himself*

-

Steve: Do you want to play catch?

Wanda: What?

Steve: Um. Do you want to watch Hannah Montana?

Wanda: I don't even know what you're talking about

Steve: Maybe I could show you how to brush your teeth?

Wanda: Steve you're really scaring me

Steve: The article said to do it together! *shows phone*

Wanda: Are you getting parenting advice from wikihow? Did you even read it or were you just skimming the pictures

Steve: ...Well why'd they put toothbrushing in the photo if it wasn't a good bonding activity?

-

Sam: Why are your titties so bouncy man. Is it to deflect bullets?

Steve: What did you just say about my chest...

Sam: Hey I call em as I see em, and they're staring right at me.

-

Peter: Yo Mr. Stark wanna see a backflip?

Peter: Oh Cap come see my front handsprings

Peter: Natasha watch this aerial cartwheel!

Tony: Why did you tell him you were in the circus. Now that the idea's in his head all he does is jump around and cause noise complaints from downstairs

Clint: C'mon it's cute! He's talented

Bucky: I'm gonna tell him it doesn't count because he has superpowers and that he's a cheat

Tony: But that'll ruin his confidence

Bucky: God I hope so

[jarvispoptart]

Clint: What’s the dumbest thing you believed as a child ?

Tony: that I was gonna marry Captain America

Steve: *whips his head around so fast his neck snaps*

[chaxan08]

Fury: Okay, jerks. If Stark isn't here, then we need someone to fill in for him.

Natasha: I think Rogers is already filling Stark.

Clint: *biting back a laugh*

Steve:

Bruce:

Thor: *confused as hell*

Natasha and Clint: *high five*

[fangirling-tussisque-noncaelatur]

Tony: It's hot in here, let me take off my clothes.

Steve: Oh, wait, no need, let me turn down the heat.

Tony: ...

[Five years later]

Steve: *realizing*

Natasha, Clint and Bruce: *shaking their heads*

(x)

[sunnysideprincess]

Pepper: *pointing towards Tony* This is my boyfriend, Tony *pointing towards Steve* And this is his boyfriend, Steve *pointing towards Bucky* And this is his boyfriend, Bucky *pointing towards Sam* And this is his boyfriend, Sam.

[coffeeandjuice]

*Talking about the tower*

Tony: You think the tower is ugly?

Steve: It’s just a little…phallic shaped

Tony: So is every building in New York! Have you ever seen the Chrysler Building?

[joetavis]

There's definitely a universe in which Steve and Tony broke up during Civil War, but because they still loved each other and talked, all the avengers, including Bucky, moved back into the tower.

Tony kind of ignores Bucky, but he definitely has an alarm for when Steve closes in on him and dips.

Steve (ever so in love) tries to give him space, yet drops food in front of the lab, brings coffee, sometimes leaves room to make sure Tony doesn't miss out on the other avengers.

And Steve (still very in love) doesn't even care about Jarvis giving him the cold shoulder. Sure, he has to live with the AC acting out. Sure, the stove burns his morning omelette. Sure, he has to wait on Bucky or Sam to call in the elevator, but he's Steve Rogers, he loves the work out.

And sure, maybe he gets a little pissed when the glass doors stop opening and he runs into it in front of Natasha who will never make him forget about it, but he doesn't say anything. He still feels guilty about lying, he kinda feels like he deserves it, and honestly it's kinda genius.

So one afternoon, he brings Tony cheeseburgers from their favourite diner, and wants to put them in front of the door, but Tony spots him and waves him in. So he stands in front of the door and can't enter.

Tony walks up, the door opens.

Tony: If you don't want to come in, I can call you an elevator.

Steve: Ah, well, I've gotten used to the stairs.

Tony: Really? Has breaking up with me turned you so tech-wary you are boycotting the elevators?

Steve, suspecting maybe Tony did it drunk (because he is a genius): You really don't remember it, do you?

Steve, laughing: Since we broke up Jarvis has been ignoring me.

Tony: What?

Steve: Jarvis doesn't even acknowledge my voice.

Tony: What the fuck?

Steve: Yeah, no elevators, no heater, nothing.

Tony, laughing: No I mean- What the fuck Jarvis? That wasn't me. Jarvis you motherfucker.

Steve is totally dumbfounded and Tony doesn't stop laughing for minutes. He gives Jarvis a stern talk and Steve has to be present as Tony makes his AI apologise (it's super weird).

And Tony follows Steve throughout the tower the rest of the day to make sure Steve can take the elevator, go through doors, make food and with Tony back at his side, Steve can't even be mad at Jarvis. He even silently thanks him, going to bed. Because Tony stops to avoid him from that day on. And as he whispers thank you to the ceiling the AC turns back to the perfect temperature.

[theocanhavemyheart]

Steve: Tony, when’s your birthday?

Tony: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me?

Steve: …So I know when to wish you a happy birthday.

[awesomeopossumpng]

Another Stony incorrect quote

Sam: What is wrong with Tony? Steve: He got sad when he invited me to a date and I told him I was married. Sam:... But he's married to you. Steve: I know Sam: Then why is he moping? Steve: he's drunk Tony: You could've just say no! Steve: I'm married to you, Tony!

[booyah3000]

LMFAOO I LOVE THIS

a little something i made lmao

[incorrectmcuquotess]

Tony, to Steve: Shut your gross, beautiful face!

[hurtspideyparker]

In a timeline where Civil War didn't end in divorce and everyone lives in the compound:

Steve, walking into the living room: Don't worry Buck I think you'll really fit in around here. Everyone is super nice

Peter: Oh my god you're living here too?! Can I please look at your arm? Please please please please please-

Bucky: *turns around and leaves*

-

Clint: So... wanna test if your spider-sense defeats my perfect aim?

Peter: Oh my god do I ever

Tony & Steve: NO.

-

Peter: Hi. Big fan. Y'know we're like a spider duo. Crime fighting spiders. Arachnid pals

Natasha, staring blankly:

Peter: Web friends? SPY-ders?

Natasha:

Peter: Spinneret associates?

Natasha: Leave.

Peter: Yes okay sorry ma'am

-

During a meal:

Bucky: *glaring at Sam*

Sam: Ay Rogers come get your dog

Steve: Bucky, leave it

Bucky: *glares down at soup instead*

-

Peter: Mr. Rogers could you help me with my homework?

Tony: What the hell kid, I'm right here

Bruce: I have... so many degrees

Steve: Hey I know a thing or two myself. Sure Queens, what do you got?

Peter: Great! I'm just gonna ask some questions for my essay. What would you say the role of war propaganda was in your decision to enroll in the military? Was being poor a factor? Actually, how was the Great Depression for you?

Steve: Less depressing than this conversation.

-

Steve: Take a jacket, it's chilly

Wanda: Okay thanks dad

Steve:

Wanda:

Peter: Ha! That's so embarrassing, it's like calling your teacher dad

Wanda: Shut up Peter, you call Tony dad all the time

Peter: Yeah but I do it on purpose so it's not embarrassing. I'm very open about my daddy issues

-

Tony: I wanna punch you in your perfect teeth

Steve:

Tony: Looking at me with your angelic blue eyes, like a freak

Steve:

Tony: Stupid Dorito ass build. Making me wanna take a bite

Steve: I feel harassed but I'm not sure what kind

-

Natasha: Hey bird brain!

Clint and Sam both turn:

Natasha: Hm, that's a problem. You have thirty seconds to decide who gets bird brain. The other will be feather head

Clint and Sam: *start arguing*

Tony: I can't believe they're fighting to be called an insult

Steve: She has that effect on people

Peter: Aw man, I wish the Black Widow gave me a nickname :(

-

Peter: Hey old man

Bucky:

Peter: I'M SO SORRY SIR MR. WILSON MADE ME DO IT PLEASE DONT KILL ME

Sam: *cackling in the background*

Bucky: *stands up and turns to Sam*

Sam: Oh shit- kid you're not getting the money if you're gonna snitch!

Peter: That's okay, I'd like to think my life is worth more than twenty bucks

-

Bucky: I need your... help

Tony: Sure, what's up?

Bucky: *glances back at Steve who stands in the doorway and nods approvingly*

Bucky: Arm.

Tony: Ok... this conversation is killing you isn't it?

Bucky:

Tony: Say please

Bucky: Nope can't do it-

Steve: Do I need to get out the get-along shirt?

*Bucky and Tony share a look of alarm*

Bucky: Please fix my arm

Tony: Yep of course no problem buddy

-

Read Part 2 and Part 3

[jarvispoptart]

Steve, murmuring under his breath: please break my neck with your thighs

Tony: what ?

Steve, without thinking: I said I hate you and want to get high

Nick Fury, pausing the replay of their last mission where Tony had to fight without his armor: I think it’s time for a break

[chaxan08]

Natasha: So, your plan is to spend the rest of your life being mad at Rogers?

Tony, scoffs: Well, that’s not my only plan.

Natasha:

Tony: One day, I’d love to build a cabin in the woods.